#theres feet of snow on the grown

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

I've been so bored lately.

[apothe-roses]

Dance of the Sugarplum Prince

Nutcracker!Aemond x Clara!Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: violence, character death, smut, tiddy sucking, oral (f-receiving), uncle-niece incest, unprotected sex, piv sex, breeding kink, possessive Aemond, obsessed Aemond

A/N: I may not be the first nor the last to do a nutcracker au, but I’m doin it anyways! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. All rights go to HBO and George RR Martin

The snow falls heavy and thick outside the window. You watch the snowflakes dance to the ground while your family makes a ruckus behind you. The adults Gossip amongst themselves while your brothers laugh and joke amongst themselves. You love your family, but you’ve grown tired of your overbearing aunties trying to set you up with “nice boys” they know.

You notice a figure making their way towards the front door, making your own way towards it to greet them. Right after the doorbell rings, you open the door, smiling at the woman on the other side.

“Aunt Alys,” you smile and embrace the older woman.

“Forgive me for my tardiness, but it’s nearly impossible to make one’s way through that,” she replies, indicating to the storm outside. Other family members come to greet Alys, so you move to the side and let them. She pulls a large case out from under her coat. She reveals several beautifully made dolls, winding them up and letting them dance across the carpet. Your family is in awe. While they’re distracted, Alys approaches you.

“I have a special gift for you,” Alys says. She opens her bag, gingerly pulling out a final doll. He was a beautiful man with long silver hair and black armor accentuated with gold.

“This,” you aunt explains, “is no ordinary knight. He is a prince of a faraway land.”

“Oh Alys, she’s too old for dolls!” your mother calls from across the room.

“Oh, but he’s so beautiful!” you rebut. “Couldn’t I just put on on my shelf and admire him?”

“You can put these dirty dishes in the kitchen,” your mother tells you. You sigh, setting your doll on the windowsill. Alys follows you into the kitchen.

“Perhaps you should’ve brought me a real prince. That would’ve made mother happy,” you laugh. Alys simply smiles at that.

Suddenly, a loud crash sounds from the sitting room, followed by your mother shouting “Luke!” You rush into the room. Your doll is lying on the floor at your brother’s feet.

“It was an accident!” Luke explains. “I only wanted to get a closer look!”

You rush over, picking your doll up off the ground. One of his eyes is broken. Luke apologizes profusely while you carefully extract the broken pieces. Alys approaches.

“I couldn’t find a spare eye, but this should fit,” she says, handing you a small sapphire. You slip it into his empty socket; it fits perfectly. She provides a small strip of black fabric that you use as a makeshift eyepatch.

“Thank you, Alys,” you say, giving the older woman a hug. You don’t notice the worried look she gives your doll.

BONG

BONG

BONG

Was it midnight already? You must have nodded off at some point. You look down at your prince, admiring his handsome face. Perhaps it’s the dim light, but it looks as though his mouth twitches.

You’re about to go to bed when something moves at the edge of your vision. A small man walks out from under your Christmas tree! For a moment, you think it’s your prince. However, this man has two eyes and looks older. He wears a crown that looks like it’s made of wood. He’s looking around, clearly searching for something. You stay as still as possible, hoping he doesn’t notice you. Theres a possibility you’re still dreaming, but you’re not willing to take that risk.

“Looking for someone, Daemon?” a voice calls out. Both your heads snap to the corner where it came from. Your mouth falls open. It’s your prince! But he’s alive! He approaches the man, sword drawn.

“Aemond,” Daemon greets. “It appears you’ve suffered a horrible accident. Shame. I was hoping for a fair fight.”

“And you’ll get one,” Aemond snaps. At that moment, more figures storm into view. You recognize them as your brothers’ toy soldiers.

“Alright. Two can play at that game,” Daemon raises a hand, and several mice scurry out from nowhere. You clap a hand over your mouth, trying not to scream. Daemon and Aemond draw their swords, circling one another. Daemon strikes first, but Aemond is quick to block. The mice and toys launch at each other. You’re enthralled. Though bloodless, the battle is intense.

Suddenly, Daemon strikes Aemond’s blind side. He’s sent flying to the floor, his sword clattering away. Daemon smiles viciously, standing over his nephew. He raises his sword to strike the killing blow and—

WHAM!

A giant slipper knocks him off his feet. Aemond glances at you, noting you are now missing a slipper. He grins, then springs into action. He draws a dagger, races to his uncle, and plunges the blade into his neck. Daemon never had time to regain his senses before he bleeds out, choking and clasping at his throat. The battle stops. The now leaderless mice scurry off, and the toy soldiers return to where your brothers left them originally. Aemond walks over to you. As he does, he grows until he’s the height of a normal man. You stare up at him, lips parted. He’s tall, and even more handsome as a man.

“You saved me,” he states, kneeling at your side.

“I-it was nothing,” you stammer, blushing. “I didn’t want him to…kill you.”

Aemond’s lips curl into a smirk. “Such a sweet thing you are,” he muses. He reaches out, winding a lock on your hair around his finger. “It’s not every day a man can say he was saved by someone so beautiful or kind.”

Your blush deepens. “You’re too kind,” you whisper.

“You must come back to the castle with me. My family will want to meet the girl who helped defeat my wicked uncle and his wretched mouse army,” he stands, extending a hand to you. You look around the empty sitting room, wondering what to do.

“It’s only for tonight. I promise to have you back by morning,” he assures you. You bite your lip, not noticing the way his gaze darkens. Then, you smile and take his hand. When you stand, you notice how much taller he is. you look down shyly, but he tucks a finger under your chin and tilts your face up to his. For a moment, you think he’s going to kiss you. But then he says, “let’s be off then,” and leads you to the Christmas tree. With each step, you shrink until you can easily walk under the branches.

You spot a castle in the distance. A beautiful red fortress perched on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a sprawling city. The faint ringing of bells can be heard.

“It seems word of our victory has spread,” Aemond observes. “I imagine the celebration is well underway.

“Oh, but I’m not dressed!” you realize.

“Look down, little one,” Aemond replies. You do, and you gasp. Your simple nightgown had been replaced with a beautiful white dress, tied by a large red ribbon. The skirt floats in light layers down to your calves. Your feet are covered by red slippers with ribbons wrapped around your legs.

“How…?” you start to ask, the question dying on your lips when you look up and see Aemond had changed as well. He’s wearing a black and red jacket adorned with golden epaulettes, and also matching breeches and shiny black boots. His hair is loose, and the swath of ribbon covering his eye is replaced with a proper eyepatch.

“Come,” he requests, extending his hand. “We don’t want to miss out on the festivities.”

The walk to the castle is filled with merriment as the small folk throw flowers over your heads and dance and cheer. Inside the castle is even more merry as ball is in full swing. You spy the king and queen at the end of the hall, their matching silver hair catching the light.

Aemond leads you to the middle of the dance floor and leads you in a waltz. The night passes in a series of twirls and lifts, until a hush falls over the crowd.

The king leads his queen off the dais into the center of the crowd. Everyone pushes back, forming a wide berth around them as they lead a solitary waltz. You feel a large hand on the small of your back.

“Come with me,” Aemond whispers. His breath tickles your ear.

He leads you out of the room. The two of you race down the halls. You haven’t felt this exhilarated since you were a child chasing your brothers outdoors.

You’re lead into a bedroom that you presume is his. You don’t have time to take in the decor, as he grabs your face and kisses you hungrily. You kiss him back, hands tangling in his soft hair.

He deftly undoes the bow on your back. He tries to untie the laces, but he gets impatient and just tears your dress open. You gasp as your dress falls from your body.

Aemond scoops you up and lays you on the bed. He looks over you like a lion about to devour his kill.

“Have you ever been with a man before little one?”

“N-no,” you stutter, causing him to chuckle.

“Well,” he starts, “allow me to show you.”

He tears the rest of your underthings off, leaving you bare before him. Without breaking eye contact, he takes one of your nipples into his mouth. Your head rolls back as he sucks on the sensitive flesh, kneading your other side.

“So beautiful,” he gasps, switching to the other tit.

“So perfect.” He trails kisses down your torso. He fingers swipe through your folds. He brings them to his lips and sucks them clean; his eyes roll back and he groans.

“I knew you’d taste sweet,” he purrs. He lowers his head to your mound and drags his tongue through your folds. You gasp and instinctually shy away, but he pins you with this hands on your hips. You can only moan as he relentlessly devours your cunt.

“M-my prince…”

“Aemond. Call me Aemond,” he breathes, sending a shiver through you. You feel your peak approaching, closer and closer. It’s just about to wash over you when he pulls away. You whine at the loss of stimulation.

“The first time I make you come, it will be on my cock,” Aemond states, once again leaning over you. He sheds his clothing with ease. He’s truly one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen. His cock is long and thick, and already leaking. He strokes himself as he gets into position.

“What if it doesn’t fit?” You ask innocently.

“It will fit.” He replies. “I’ll make it fit.”

He angles his cock and enters you with one sure thrust. You gasp loudly, clinging to his shoulders.

“Gods you’re tight,” he whispers. He begins to rock in and out of you, setting a steady pace.

“So wet, and I’ve barely touched you. Such a needy little thing. Absolutely begging to be fucked.”

You babble incoherently in response. Aemond chuckles and starts playing with your pearl.

“Already cockdumb are we?”

He pinches your pearl.

“I could keep you here you know. Fuck you—breed you— day and night, until your belly swells with my child. You’d like that wouldn’t you? My perfect little princess. My broodmare. Mine.”

You’re a little frightened by his declaration, but you’re to overwhelmed by pleasure to do anything about it. You can only lay there as you climax, the pleasure melting your bones and heating your blood.

“That’s my girl. That’s my good girl,” he groans, and you feel his cock pulse followed by a sense of warmth. He keeps his cock plugged inside until he starts to soften, then he pulls out. You feel a mixture of your fluid and his seed leak out. He hold your legs open, admiring the sight. Then, he lays down, pulling you into his arms.

“You’ll want for nothing. I’ll make sure of it,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your hair.

You lay against his chest, and it isn’t long before sleep claims you.

“Sweetheart, wake up!” you hear your mother call. You reluctantly open your eyes. You’re in your own bed, in your own room.

“I don’t mean to rush you, but we have some surprise guests waiting downstairs,” she pulls open the curtains, and you wince at the sudden brightness.

“Get dressed quickly! I need to get back downstairs!” she rushes out of your room, closing the door behind you.

At first, you don’t move. There was a heaviness in your chest. It had all been a dream. Of course it had been a dream. Mice soldiers, living dolls, and princes could only be the product of dreams. This is the real world, and there are guests waiting for you.

As you get dressed, you realize your prince doll is nowhere to be found. You must have left him downstairs.

Voices could be heard in the sitting room as you make your way downstairs. Unfamiliar voices. You round the corner and freeze. Sitting around the room are three very familiar faces.

“Darling, these are my half-siblings.” She leads you to the Sugarplum King. “This is Aegon,” then to the Queen, who smiles sweetly at you, “Helaena,” then finally to the most familiar of them all, “and this is Aemond.”

He takes your hand in his, planting a kiss on your knuckles. You stare up at him with wide eyes. He’s wearing an eyepatch. Over the same eye your brother broke. Was he hiding a sapphire under there?

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” you breathe.

“Please, the pleasure is all mine, niece,” he purrs, looking at you in a way an uncle should never look at a niece.

“What happened to your eye?” Luke asked abruptly. Jace whacks him on the shoulder, admonishing him.

“Ow!”

“It’s alright. It was an accident long ago,” Aemond replies.

“Oh, let’s not dwell on unhappy memories,” your mother says, turning to Helaena. “How is Alicent? It’s been too long since I’ve heard from her.”

The conversation carries on, but you’ve stopped paying attention. You’re not looking at him, but you feel his gaze on you. Just as intense as it had been when he made love to you in your dream.

A dream.

It had only been a dream.

Right?

[beaversatemygrandma]

It’s been interesting seeing local people from this area react to the global warming related tropical depression storms they’ve been getting. When these storms are like once a week, at the very least, in FL for the past five years. And humidity higher than like 50%. At least it’s not over 90% like SomeWhere where the air is soup. It’s raining so hard i can’t hear the tv lmao and I learned my younger sister is scared of thunder. So I showed her the weather radar and assured her that it won’t be a bad storm and told her to put on headphones to block out the thunder.

It’s weird to see NC getting the ‘devil’s rain’, where its raining when the sun’s out, which again is like every week in FL. And thunderstorms in the middle of the day along with 90 degree tropical weather in what i thought was sub-tropics.

But I’m doing great. I love listening to storms. Tho, it is different when you’re in a trailer as opposed to a house that’s built for hurricane safety. And I gotta drive in this later so I Hope it gets dry before the sun goes down.

[sakura-83]

Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 1 Episode 7: Wherever You Are Is My Home

⚠️WARNING!!!⚠️ this episode not only talks about suicidal thoughts but also a character trying to commit such acts, of you are sensitive to this I suggest you just skip this post or at least skip #75-77

1. Anne calling it comforting that no two snowflakes are alike, as well as calling snow a sign of gods forgiveness as he blankets the dead world in a beautiful frost

2. Josie gossiping about her while she’s RIGHT THERE

3. Her and moody just talking

4. “And I love Christmas, don’t you?” “I don’t know, but I plan to.” “Did you not have Christmas at the orphanage?” “There wasn’t much to it really. I’m not sure why Father Christmas wasn’t able to stop there, maybe the matron scared him off.”

5. “Do you at least know if they’re going to keep you?” “Keep me!?”

6. Anne trying to sing with the others but the other voices quickly fading out as she panics and rushes home

7. “They’re not going to send you back, you’re in the Bible and everything!”

8. Marilla has every right to be angry that Matthew rushed their home without even discussing it

9. “I knew you’d lose your head-“ “Oh, I oughta smack yours right off your shoulders!”

10. Matthew is prone to heart attacks, the very same thing causing his death in the books

11. “He’s had an episode of the heart” just a funny way to say heart attack, sort of long winded

12. Marilla not understanding the complex math because she had to leave school when she was young

13. Anne helping her with it because she’s top of her class

14. “Not keeping you? You’re a Cuthbert, for better or for worse! No getting out of it now.”

15. The awful bank not relenting on the payback schedule despite the fact that Matthew cannot work. Corporations are cruel and ungiving despite the human struggles and needs of its clients and it hurts. I know the bank invested that money and they need it back but Matthew was indisposed by a tragic event and to not only not extent but to SHORTEN the payback schedule is just unfeeling

16. Marilla putting out an ad to the mainland to take in borders

17. The terrifying idea that you must sell everything you have in order to survive

18. Marilla being desperate yet still too prideful to accept charity

19. The fact that it not only effects the family but also Jerry, as they can’t afford to pay him. It puts him out of a job and lowers his families income

20. A reoccurring theme I love in this show is the idea that the characters will give up their belongings, no matter how sentimental, in the name of family. Matthew selling his dead brothers watch, Marilla selling her grandmothers brooch, Anne selling the dress of her dreams, all because no matter how important these items are, they are just things. That family is more important, so even though it pains you to have to give those things up, you do it in the name of love for others

21. “Theyre just things.”

22. Anne feeling sorrow and yet being excited to stay at aunt Josephine’s

23. Despite being told she can keep the dress, Anne insists on selling it back because it’s a family effort

24. Anne being exited for a solo adventure and then getting stuck with jerry

25. Jerry has to be there to get money Anne his family is hungry :(

26. “I don’t actually need your help.” “When’s the last time you drove a sleigh? Auctioned a horse? Let’s go.”

27. Diana giving her things to sell as well

28. Jerry knows how to drive a sleigh?????

29. “It’s not so bad to ask for help sometimes, y’know?” “If I needed help I would say so.” “No you wouldn’t.” “Yes, I would.” “Wouldn’t.” “Would! Times infinity.” “What???”

30. Jerry singing in French

31. “No singing. I mean it. I’m serious, Jerry! This is an important journey! I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BEAR HANDS!”

32. Jerry grinning as she gets madder

33. Anne bring mystified by the dress shop

34. “I’m here to return a dress.” Is something wrong with it?” “Not a thing.” “Do you not like it?” “It is my very favorite thing that I have ever possessed in life. But I need to return it to help my family.” “You’re Anne, Matthew’s Anne!” “I am! How nice it is to hear it said that way.”

35. Anne being upbeat until Jeannie asks what’s wrong and then ask just breaks down

36. Poor Jerry waiting outside in the snow for her

37. Either Matthew spent some much money on Anne’s dress or Jeannie gave her extra, or both

38. “Did Matthew really spend this much?..” “You’re worth a lot to him.”

39. “I hate to say goodbye…” “😏 I won’t be so long~” “To the HORSE, Jerry. Why are you so annoying.”

40. “You’re a good horse Birdie, try to remember that. Someone will be very lucky to have you.”

41. Birdie really is a beautiful horse though

42. Anne’s little “my parents are spies” act she uses on the pawn broker

43. The pawn broker is so understandable rude because of his profession, it makes him equally annoying and funny

44. “What a piece of work you are.”

45. Anne is so good at making up stories on the spot

46. “If you can’t afford it I completely understand.”

47. I love how snide remarks of “being a good Christian” are frequent and effective insults in the 1800’s

48. Poor Jerry doesn’t just get beaten up and robbed, he gets brutally beaten by two grown men and there’s nothing he can do despite that being… his last paycheck. That was the last income he was going to give his family and he’s so ashamed of himself that he keeps apologizing for it despite most of the money being his. He apologizes to Anne, to Matthew, it bothers him for months to come

49. Gilbert’s back!!

50. “Still seems unreal. Even though I just sold all our… everything.”

51. “He’s a good man.” “I love him with all my heart. I don’t know what if do if…”

52. Them arguing over not arguing

53. Anne apologizing

54. “Anyway…” “Anyway..”

55. I genuinely didn’t realize that the men who beat up Jerry are the same men that took in borders at green gables, I got the same face blindness as Jerry himself

56. “I’ve missed you.” “Yeah?” “At school, theres.. no one to compete with.” “”You want to spell out a few words for old times sake?” “How about… truce?”

57. Jerry thinking Gilbert was going to hurt Anne and take her money and immediately jumping in to stop him despite swaying on his feet

58. When Anne asks him if he’s okay he immediately starts apologizing about the money

59. “I don’t like the city.”

60. “Just take care of yourself, and come home someday.”

61. Anne and Gilbert staring at each other quietly

62. “This is a palace, not a house.”

63. Jerry assuming that they’ll make him sleep in the stable instead of inside the massive house

64. “I’ll look after belle.”

65. “This city is rife with ruffians!”

66. Aunt Josephine insisting on helping

67. Matthew lamenting his own life, talking of how his life insurance will give them a sizable sum and how he drags them down despite them needing him

68. “Anne loves you, you have to remember that.” “But her future…” “Which do you think she would choose, this house or you?”

69. Jerry bring terrified to stay in a room by himself because he’s always had his family around him

70. Anne making room for him only for him to sleep upside down

71. “Don’t worry, I don’t kick like my sisters.” “Yeah, you’d better not.”

72. “Everything will be alright. It’ll be alright..”

73. Aunt Josephine helping by paying for Jerry to work at Green Gables, as well as giving Anne books

74. “We’ve been together all these years, thick or thin, so don’t think I’ll put up with you slipping away now. Anne will be home today, and she’ll be very happy to see you.”

75. Matthew trying to kill himself because the life insurance would pay off the debt he caused

76. Jeannie happening to show up and find Matthew with the gun just in time as he tries to hide what he’s almost done from her, realizing what he’s done

77. The way they stress how his passing would effect Anne the most because of what they mean to each other, that she will suffer without him despite what he’s trying to do

78. “Don’t ever get old…” “Too late for that.”

79. “You would’ve left us that way!? Left me?..”

80. “Give it back. I won’t take charity.” “But.. love isn’t charity.” “I won’t take it.” “Nay I ask why not?” “We will not be pitied! I don’t want people thinking we can’t fend for ourselves.” “Well at the moment we can’t, and I’d sure give my last bit of strength or my last dollar to help a friend. Then I know that friend would feel grateful and loved above all else. And I do. I feel very grateful to have such a dear friend as Miss Barry. Sometimes you just have to let people love you Marilla.”

81. Anne selling her cleaning services to make steady income

82. “We’re rich, aren’t we Matthew?”

83. Jerry carving a star for the Christmas tree!!!!!!

84. Anne’s friends coming to sing carols at their house

85. Anne helping Matthew walk outside

86. Not Nate :(

87. Nathaniel, the bane of my existence

[natromanxoff]

19 - The Dynamic Duo V Montreux

Hello folks. I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs and I thought I would give the old hard drive a clean up, so before I dump a load of rubbish I thought I'd better answer these before I throw everything in the recycle bin. Let's start with a lady from New Jersey who goes by the name of Dorothy who gave me a very interesting offer for the next time I'm in New York. If you're reading this Dorothy, could you send Jacky your email address so I can reply to you. I've just opened up a "secret" Hotmail account so I can send replies without pestering the lovely Mrs Smith all the time, and to test it I went to the guestbook and picked a few names at random. Maybe I should reply to the irate drummer, but if I do that he'll just reply to me and the girls in the office will miss out on laughing at him as well. Staying with the skin bashers for a mo, Ron Hansen in Madison is a drummer, and said he liked my jokes and reckons Mr Irate uses three sticks, two in his hands and one up his arse (his words not mine). Would I be correct in saying your a Zep fan Ron? Today's question is, "What do you get if you cross a drummer with a roadie?" The answer is a stupid roadie.

Moving on, last time around I mentioned a drink which we consumed in Brazil, and the charming Sonia and Dina informed me it was called Caipirinha, and a pleasant little tipple it was to. Somewhere in Australia there is a lady called Karen who is listening to the Offspring CD non-stop, so I'm gonna have to try and answer her question as she has such great musical tastes, even though she wants to know the..........(flashing lights, fireworks, drum roll) Hoover Salesman Story. ARGHHHH. Its actually a very short tale, and I think it's quiet boring but it seems to have grown in stature over the years, and as always I'm gonna drag it out and start from the first skiing expedition that I ventured on with RT.

Having checked my trendy little biog mag, I reckon the year is 1980, and the dynamic duo are in Montreux putting the finishing touches to Fun in Space and we have a few days off before a tour starts in Zurich when Rog says, "Let's go skiing." He had skied a few times before and was ok at it, but I had never put a pair of skis on in my life. I said, "Lets go, but you ski and I'll just get pissed." He then went on about what a buzz it is and how I would love it, etc. As we were touring soon our American crew had to fly out, so I called up Jim Devenney and told him to come over a couple of days earlier cause we were gonna ski. Jim is a great skier and was on the first flight available and I picked him up at Geneva airport ready for some fun. That night we hit the town and have too many drinks and Rog goes off to bed semi early, while Jim and myself sat out on the jetty of Duckingham Palace with a ghetto blaster, Derek and Clive tapes, and a vat of wine singing disgusting songs at full blast, which must have echoed over to France. Suddenly we hear a French voice screaming at us and we have no idea what he was saying so we carried on goofing around, and the next thing I hear is a huge splash as Devenney falls in.

Let me assure you that a drunk trying to get a drunk out of Lake Geneva is not an easy task, but we succeed and head back to DP and retire to our rooms. I'd just got into bed when I hear a crash and go to investigate, only to find JD had gone in the wrong room and was trying to get into a baby's cot, and getting him out of there was harder than getting him of the lake.

Next day Roger, Dave Richards, his wife Collette, Jim and myself set off to Zermatt, and on arrival we stock up on skis, passes and other skiing paraphernalia (big words now!) Dinner, drinks and off to bed. Next morning we're up and ready to go, and thinking I'll never ski again after this I refuse to waste money on a ski suit, so I wear jeans. My second wrong move, the first was agreeing to go. The hotel owner wouldn't let us leave the hotel without first drinking a couple of Sambuccas, not my idea of a good breakfast, eggs, bacon, tea, toast and Italian liqueurs, but who are we to refuse. Next I've got to try and walk in those godamn boots, and we eventually arrive at the top of the Matterhorn.

The OK skiers, RT and Dave set off on their own, Collette begins a very slow trip down while JD tells me he'll stay and teach me. On go the skis, and down I go, flat on my arse. Up I get and I'm off, for all of about 2ft before I'm down again. This is not any fun. After a couple more tumbles my great mate Jim said, "If you're gonna f*** around I'm going." And thats the last I saw of him all day. Thanks pal. I'm standing there watching people ski and think, "It can't be that hard. If you stand like this, lean like that, you can ski." So I stand and lean in the correct positions and I'm away, screeching down a mountain with only one very small problem, I have no idea how to turn or stop, so as I'm flying past Collette, and she reckons I looked very worried, I yelled for some advice and all she said was, "DIVE." Sound advice, so thats what I do, and by now I'm getting wet. I wait for her and then we set off together, the blind leading the blind, with me diving at the slightest bit of speed or bend in the piste. A million years later we eventually reach the bottom of this awful slope and it's finally over. Wrong. Theres a T-bar to get on so we wait in line till it's our turn. You're supposed to put the bar just under your bum and it drags you up, but I'm 6ft and Collettes about 5ft 5in, so the bar was either in the middle of her back or around my knees, and no one told me not to sit on the f***ing thing and we bounced around for a while until we fell off. I'm now getting really pissed off with all this, "Get me a helicopter," I demanded from Collete. She told me they don't just send them, you have to be hurt. I replied with, "I'll break my f***ing arm but I've gotta get off this mountain." Realising I'm not getting a copter I light a ciggie and ponder.

We agree to split up and go with someone our own height, so I ended up with a great German guy who was really helpful. Once on the T-bar I can see that it goes way up and I would have to ski back down to base camp, and in case you've forgotten, I can't ski, so I said that I was gonna bail out, and jumped off. I then head of in a straight line to the cable car, skis on the shoulder and wading through 3ft of snow in a pair of very heavy and very cold jeans. What seemed like hours of wading I make civilisation and head to the bar for a triple strength coffee and a triple scotch while everyone gawked at me cause I looked like I had a shower fully clothed. Yeah, I wanna do this again.

Dinner that night was great fun for the others cause they got to take the piss out of me. Their day will come. The rest of the nights activities shall remain sealed away, but a good time was had by one and all. The tour went smoothly and I try and put Zermatt behind me, except Collette, still to this day, takes great delight in telling everyone about it, and everytime she says it she makes me look more and more pathetic.

The next winter appears and I'm at home and the phone rings, "CT, wanna go skiing?" To which my reply was nothing like, "Oh I'd love to you fabulous little drummer boy." I can't believe he talked me into it again, but this time we were gonna do things correctly and go to Aviemore in Scotland and take lessons, this was the saving factor in his plan. So once again we pile into the Range Rover and aim north. We split the driving (for a change) and had a good journey up through the snow covered mountains till we get to the resort. A usual night was on the cards, dinner, drinks and bed, then up bright and early for some lessons and a good day on the slopes. This time we've both got the correct outfits so we head off to where our little group of idiot skiers are. We're all standing in a line, with Rog and me at the end, and each person gets to snow-plough a few feet. These clowns have less idea than my first try, and it's also incredibly cold and we've now got icicles hanging off our hair. It's our turn and we both look like olympic champions, but the only thing wrong with getting it right the first time is that the instructor then turns his attentions back to the start of the line. Here I am once again standing on the top of a mountain, freezing cold with two 'things' stuck on the end of a pair of stupid boots, and I inform His Royal Highness that the next trip away involves sand and sun, no excuses, end of argument. RT agreed that this wasn't much fun and thought my idea worth considering.

We finally heard the two magic words, "Lunch Break." We're gone in search of some good HOT food and a nice beaujolais, and we found both. We also found that the hotel bar had an amazing selection of whisky, and we had to try as many as possible. We're now semi pissed and decide that as we're warm we might as well go back to this lesson even though we are very late, and the instructor looked at us and said, "Where have you two been?" Rog came back with "Trying lots of your wonderful scotch's." He was fine with that answer and we carried on trying to learn something, and would you believe by the end of the day I could actually turn and stop.

Back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. Over a very nice meal and a couple of little drinkettes we agree that it's far to cold here and we'll clear off the next day, so into the bar we go with our earlier mission of trying all the scotch's. We were sitting at a table chatting away and cracking jokes with each other and end up talking to the couple on the next table, swapping skiing stories, needless to say mine were very short, and having a bit of a laugh, when the woman said, "What do you two do for a living?" God knows why, but I said; "We're Hoover salesmen." At first they didn't believe us but we both started going on about the difference between domestic and industrial cleaners, uprights, backpack types, ones you pull along the floor. We went on about the different wattage, suction power, the amount of pressure on Axminsters and Wilton carpets, even a couple of car expressions like overhead this and thats. What the hell do we know about vacuum cleaners? But boy are we good at this. After about 30 mins of utter bullshit the subject finally changed and they wished us all the best with our door to door salesmanship and off they went to bed. We then had to reassure each other what we actually did for a living, had some more drinks and tried to work out how we knew so much about cleaners as both of us have spent most of our lives trying to stay well away from them. We spent the drive back to London having a good laugh about the one day we spent in a Scottish ski resort.

Well that's it folks, the story of a small company, R & C Taylor,..... Hoover Salesmen. I did learn to ski quite well, and whilst in Gstadd doing the Shove it album Spike flew out cause he fancied learning to ski, and the fool asked me to teach him. I wasn't much help because everytime he fell over I burst out laughing cause I kept seeing myself in Zermatt, and Spike looked just as worried and stupid as I did.

Before I go I noticed that Jacky had to get her boiler fixed and said for me not to make a comment, but little things like that spark me off and I remembered that when we were recording in the Townhouse Studios I had a little, no a big affair with the studio chef. Every three months Virgin would do a magazine for all their staff, written by all the heads of various departments, airlines, studios, video, shops, films, etc. and they would say what was going on with their particular section. Alan Douglas, who was chief engineer of all Virgin studios wrote who was recording where, and he wrote, "Queen are in studio 4, and Crystal, their main man is stoking the kitchen boiler." I thought that was hilarious, but Jane went ballistic. That's it for now.

Loadsa luv Crystal (Carpet cleaner to the stars)

[bioodorange]

||Holiday Special: Homicidal Liu||

Welcome to day one of my holiday special thing! Please leave requests, theres still a few days open!!

This is a gendernuetal reader story!

TW!! Angst, Slight Mention Of  A Dead Body

This is 1k words!

This one isn’t the BEST way to start but anyway, please enjoy!

It was rather warm for winter, it was mid December and it had barely snowed at all. The most recent storm had left the grown covered in powdery snow- but by the afternoon it was a melted, muddy slush. 

Despite that, you had gotten yourself ready to go outside. Thick sweatpants, A puffy jacket and a scarf you’d taken from your boyfriend.

“You know you’re not going to need all that, right..?” Liu said with a soft chuckle. He’d been watching you strugle to tie up your boots with all of that bulky clothing on for about five minutes.

“I mean maybe it would go faster if you helped!” you said, trying to keep a stern face but laughing a bit, you did look pretty silly.

“I did help- I leant you my scarf..” “Well its mine now, you’re not getting it back!” you declared, finally lacing up your shoe and standing up “Its payment for not helping me out, now lets go!” you cheered, holding out a gloved hand to him.

With a soft smile and shake of his head, Liu took your hand and walked outside with you. Cold hair immediately hit you both, causing him to shiver a bit. “Who’s the dumb one now huh!” you joked “I never said you were dumb” “yeah but you were thinking it!” “Thinking and saying are different!” “Yeah, yeah.”

The two of you stayed in realative silence, walking through the woods and taking in the scenery. The trees were bare but beatutiful, covered in frost and letting the light shine in, making the ground shine.

“We should probably head back, its strarting to get all slippery..” “Hmm yeah we should, wouldn’t want you to freeze out here,you’re old bones can’t take it.” Liu laughed a bit at you’re comment and started walking back to the house “Yeah? Well my ‘old bones’ are-” 

WHAM

While trying to catch up to him, you’d slipped on the ice and landed face first on the ground. 

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, running over to you anc crouching down. Reaching out to pull you up, he expected you to start crying. Looking up at him with a bump on your forehead and a bloody nose, your face wet and red from the snow- you began laughing.

A smile spread across your face and confusion across his. “Are you alright..?” he asked worriedly, tucking your hair back a bit and gently holding yout face. “Why wouldn’t I be! Did you see that? I like went sledding but with my feet-!” “You’re nose is bleeding..” “Oh wait really..?” reaching out to touch your face, your hand was covered in blood. Looking down, you noticed there was a crimson stain in the snow.

“Oh wow, I guess I am..” you said with a small laugh. “We should really get you wrapped up.” he sighed, running his sleeve over your cheek to try and dry it off. “Coud you carry me back? Im wounded!” you said dramatically, feigning a depressive sigh. “I dunno, you seemed perfetcly fine a minute ago..” “no, noit was the shock, I’m in a lot of pain! Like so much, look im bleeding!” You explained, holding out your bloodied glove in attempt to plead your case.

Liu simply chuckled and scooped you up in his arms “Ah yes, of course- just be sure to keep that on your nose.” he advised, carrying you back to the small cabin you both shared.

That was the last winter you had together

The summer after you had died, going for a walk outside. Hours had went by, then days and yet you weren’t home yet

He didn’t have to go far to find you, or parts of you that is.

Half hidden by thick shrubs, your body was mangled and torn open from the stomach. Your face screwed shut in fear. He could barely recognize you- he wish he couldn’t of...

It killed him every second of every day that you were dead and he didn’t even know what happened...

It killed him that he’d left you there, to rot, to be picked apart by animals

Once he’d taken you home, laying your cold body in a deep grave he had cried. Cried until his throat hurt and his face was pale, cry until he couldn’t anymore.

The first winter had been easy, he’d stayed locked up in his room, barely talking to anyone. Sure, it was a sad way to spend thr holidays, but it worked for him. 

This year was much harder. It was warm, warm until mid Demember when it snowed, snowed so much it came up to his knees, atleast in the morning,

By the afternoon the snow had left, leaving cold and muddy earth in its wake.

Seeing it made him think of you, think of how you laughed at the littlest things, how you put others before yourself.

It made him think of the smal things like how you chewed on the ends of your pens, or would always leave some milk in the cartin- a little bit, not good enought for anything really..

Small little things that made his heart hurt

Your nose had never quite healed from that day, it was always a little bit crooked. And whenever someone took notice, you’d grin and go on a speel about some detailed, adventurous story about how it happened. You always made things seem more amazing than they were..

He missed you so much..

He missed you when he woke up in the morning, and rolled over to an empty bed

He missed you when he made food, always making too much in hopes you’d walk in and sit down to eat with him

He missed you when he had to take your things, wrap them up with care and set them away..

And he missed you in the winter, when you’d laugh at squierlls scurring for the last of their food, and when you’d try and catch snowflakes on your tounge..

It hurt to much to let you go..

[local-paranoid-cryptid]

Mount!au

Kay so, basically yall know how there are mounts in terraria? (like the bunny, slime, unicorn, etc.) yea well, I made this au where the dream smp has them, but bigger. 

like Tubbo has 3 massive bees he can ride, dream has a giant wolf Princess Mononoke style but bigger, etc. 

this is a massive idea dump and theres a lot below the “read more”

alright so starting off is the sbi because they live in my head rent free.

philza: giant bird, specifically a grey hawk.

-Phil found him in his hardcore world as a baby when he was abandoned in a nest. he swore he wouldnt get attached but after the first week he failed. 

-I dont have a name for the bird yet. (please give me ideas ;-;)

-Mumza bought a saddle after about two years and when he was fully grown.

-about 33 feet in length with a 77ft wing span. (I’m basing the length off the Quetzalcoatlus, so if you need a ref for size comparison, there you go.)

Wilbur: orca

-he went to visit techno and Phil ONE TIME, and he leaves with an entire pod of orcas.

-when the waters continued to warm they slowly left until there was just one.

-that orca stayed with him the entire time

-Wilbur told him he could go back to his family, but he just stayed with him. 

-the orca is about 25 feet in length

-he doesn’t have a saddle bc he’s a slippery boi

-he does have a harness though

-no one is allowed to take it off him. Except Wilbur.

Techno- Cat, specifically Norwegian Forest Cat 

Imagine, you’re in a boat at your destination, you exit the boat and climb the icy mountain. Checking the map only to see that someone is close behind. you continue to climb to the top expecting to see nothing but snow and frost. But instead you find a massive sleeping feline. You didn’t mind all that much so you leave it be, after all, it was here first. Your best friend and only ally arrives, and soon, the person that was following does too. “Just stab ‘em” you say, not wanting to deal with the person. There’s a flash, the cat is now at the foot of the mountain, the person that was following you hanging in their mouth.

-tl;dr Technos POV: you find giant touchstarved cat at the soon-to-be Antarctic empire

-that’s it. 

-when the cat sits and techno is right next to him, it looks like a parody of My Neighbor Totoro.

-same size difference too lol

-the cat is named floof

-it’s one of those cats that act like they haven’t been touched in years and are starved of any and all physical affection.

-techno acts like he hates it but he actually enjoys it 

Tommy: wolf dog

-Tommy wandered from home into the woods for too long when he was like 4 and came back with a wolf dog. Tommy how does that even happen-?

-Phil yelling into the forest: Tommy, dinners ready!

-Tommy, emerging from a bush: can Lucy come too?

-Phil: Sure!

-Tommy: *comes out of the forest covered in mud and leading a black wolfdog puppy that’s about the size of a full grown wolf home*

-Phil: Tommy wtf-

-fully grown, her shoulder is at Tommy’s head

-her energy matches Tommy, loud, hyper, and constantly needs to be with friends.

-they’re always seen together

Tubbo: bee (3 bees)

-there are just three bees, spins, spunz, and spoons.

-His parents didn’t know about them at first but imagine their surprise when they entered their son's bedroom to see him cuddling three bees two and a half sizes bigger than him.

-Suddenly everything made sense, the books about bees, internet searches about beekeeping, and the increase of yellow in his bedroom.

-Tubbo sells honey to the kids at school and somehow started a mafia-like system using honey and honeycombs.

-he doesn’t get it either.

The four muffinteers+skeppy and Antfrost:

Dream: a wolf

-he found him while practicing speed running

-the same size as Technos cat

-has a saddle and a green collar with the famous smiley face on it

-very stubborn and act like a husky

-can and will howl at night

-dream also has a little blob thing that is constantly either sleeping in his pocket or vibing on his shoulder. No one knows what it is or how it got there.

George: a green parrot 

-While in the jungle trying to track down Dream with the rest of the hunters he lost his compass. The parrot dropped the compass on his head and the rest is history

-often takes his glasses and puts it on high shelves

-dream and Sapnap taught him to call George “gogy”

-a bit smaller than Philzas bird

-please submit more headcanons bc I have no ideas ;-;

Sapnap: a fire dragon

-it’s a small dragon tho lol

-can cling onto Sapnaps back and fly (but it ruins his shirts)

-it’s like Happy from fairy tail

-hordes anything sparkly like a crow

-has stolen techno’s crown at least once

-not including it’s tail, it’s head is to Sapnaps hip

-acts like a ferret

Antfrost: Siamese cat

-smaller that floof by a foot

-big floofy paws

-the biggest blue eyes you’ve ever seen

-would rather play/hunt than be pet

-sleeps all the time

-please give me more ideas/headcanons, I had no ideas.

Badboyhalo: Scarlet macaw

-same height as him (counting tail)

-often annoys bbh by pulling his hood down in serious moments or stealing his glasses

-started repeating words like “Language” “Muffin head” and much to bbh’s dismay, “Bald” and “14″

-her name is Strawberry

-loves skeppy

-often sits on his shoulders behind back

Skeppy: Hyacinth macaw

-same height as him (counting tail)

-will often peck skeppy bc diamonds

-his name is Blueberry

-loves bbh

-no one knows how they found each other, Skeppy just says he found him when he was a mod for bbh’s server.

-prefers to perch on larger diamonds that stick out of Skeppys arm. Don’t worry tho, it doesn't hurt him.

headcanons, writings, and fanart are appriciated! (please tag me, I wanna see your beautiful works :D)

if you have any ideas and/or questions dont hesitate to ask me, I love answering questions and hearing your thoughts :)

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

[susandale]

Christmas Night Street

Summary: The reader and chris is shooting together on set for a movie called “lights on the street” and have a normal morning on sunday , does normal included surprise?

Pairings: Chris Evans X Reader

Warnings: your stomach will feel like butterflies

Word count:

Genre: fluff

It's a beautiful cold city here in london Trees, snows and lights showing in the street and the smell of hot chocolate breezing into the air, christmas is near You and chris were on the set getting ready for shooting the last scene on the movie , it was an amazing movie and you can’t wait to show it to the public He leans his head into your lap and you brush your fingertips into his hair chris looks at you in your soft brown eye and you met his blue eyes glazed at you, stuck at both eyes , admiring each other with love and passion your feelings and love never change since the day you met him when you see chris for the first time , you know you gonna spend the rest of your life with this man with full of hope and full of love You remember the first time you met him and how awkward the situation is,those were the memories you could never forget. you and chris spend 3 years together and never fails at trusting each other.                                                                     “ can i ask you a question ? “ ask chris still staring at you

" sure anything " you said with a soft whisper " well we are shooting together and um , it's been a tired and a busy day , i would like to take you on a date (?) it's christmas and what we're just working and go home? come on where's the fun?" said chris you and chris don't go out on a date pretty much , whether he's busy with his work as an actor or your job as a makeup artist traveling around the world , of course the world doesn't know that both of you are a thing " i can't " you said with a serious failed looking face " what?! why " he said with a shock face " i have a plan with my friends but i will be at home at 6 " chris face is sad and he just stand up from your lap without saying anything , you understand why his behaviour is like that and you feel so guilty because you just want to make a surprise for him? you take chris hand and pull him into a hug , you said sorry and he understand it, both of you  are grown up , you both made decisions to each other to not lose trust ,he kissed you on your forehead and said " well maybe next time " and chris leaves into the location set for work because the director called his name. So your plan is to be home early and made a surprise for chris with setting up a candles everywhere and makes gingerbread cookies or chocolate chips,his favorite and make hot chocolate also putting a lot of roses on the floor for like a path to a room with a brush, paint and white canvas , it was pretty a simple idea but also creative and you do this all by yourself. After you done your part on the movie,you decided to go to the grocery store and target for the surprise while chris is still working so you wouldn’t be caught , perfect timing. you head into your car and put on seatbelts while looking at your ‘what to buy’ list and decided to go to target first. You arrived there for like 10 minutes or less , grab a grocery basket and take all things you need to buy, you look at your list and just wandering around target with your earphone with a song “ all i want for christmas is you -mariah carey “  you feel very energetic and happy.              What To Buy List : - White Canvas + paint  + brushes                                                                          - Flowers (rose)                                                                                                        - Vanilla Cinnamon candle                                                                                      - Cookies and hot chocolate ingredients                              You finish all of the things you need to buy expect the ingredients and headed to the cashier to pay, you took out your wallet and take a card and of course the grocery is in a paper bag,headed back to the car and on your way to the supermarket to buy the ingredients. you literally can’t wait for this surprise , hoping that chris will be excited just like you did. When you arrived you kinda in a rush cause you must prepare all of this by yourself and not wanted to be caught by chris , for like 5 minutes you gathered up all of the ingredients and quickly pay to the cashier. you head back to your house with full of paper bag,open the door and put your mantel and scarf on a hanger near the door. you go to your room and grab a chris hoodie that you always wear and change into shorts, go to a kitchen and arrange the ingredients and stuff , you decided to make the cookies first so you gather all up the materials and ingredients to start making chocolate chips. “hey alexa , play good together by honne” . You sing very loudly ,bare feet and jump around the kitchen while making cookies , you felt so happy with the smell of cookie dough and the snow outside your window just wash away all of the sadness in this world. you make heart shaped cookies and the basic circle one with exstra chocolate chips, duh? , the oven is ringing and you put the cookies inside for 40 minutes, while waiting the cookies to be ready you decided to set up the canvas,paint and candles. you go to the small room with wood floor and a fireplace with wide windows along the white gordens,you set the candle in the table and floor,put the white canvas along the paint and brushes, time keeps ticking and suddenly the oven is ringing and you can smell the fresh cookies flowing into the house,you grab a handglove and take the baking sheet and cool it in a room temperature. chris is gonna be at home at 5 and now it’s 4 , time goes so fast you don’t even realize it,you go to the bathroom to shower and getting ready. you want to make it like a christmas ootd with a touch of red and white because after this you will go out on a date so you decided to wear a red dress and a white outer with a touch of stockings and brown boots, the makeup is gonna be clean glowing face with a touch of red lipstick.      

 Your finishing touches is jo malone parfume scented rose and a touch of vanilla, you go to the kitchen and put the cookies into a beautifull plate , you grab a dark chocolate and melts it together and put the fresh milk into it with a sprinkle of cocoa powder and cream, now you have the perfect homemade hot chocolate, you don’t like marshmallow so not gonna put in there. you grab the cookies and the hot chocolate to put in the table where all have been set and light the candle one by one,the last thing you need to do is make a path with a fleck of rose from the door to the surprise room. the time keeps ticking and it’s 4:55 now , you look to yourself to a mirror and said “i did this” , suddenly you can hear a foot steps in front of your door, you quickly hide in the surprise room and also chris have the key to your house so he doesn’t have to bother you , chris insert the key,un lock it and said “alone again” , he open the door and gasp , christmas decoration is everywhere and the smell of vanilla with a touch of dark chocolate flowing into the air, chris saw the rose path you made and he quickly ran into the room , when he open the door there’s you standing looking so beautiful and gorgeous, theres a fireplace and a white canvas with paint and brushes,cookies and hot chocolate,chris literally shocked. “trust me i have no idea, you did this all by yourself?!” said chris approaching you for a hug “ of course i am, im sorry that i lied to you:( “ you said with a pouting face . he kisses you on your lips and hug tightly. you can tell his face is so happy almost teard up , chris loves surprises.     “ you look so gorgeous, i can’t even” chris said looking at you from top to bottom “  “ and you looking cute in that white sweater” you smirked.         

   You spend the whole night with chris just laughing and dance,painting and make fun of each other like you and him always do, you paint captain america with a thicc ass and chris paint you with a red dress but a horrible face, he enjoyed the hot chocolate and cookies you made, every second is vulnerable , laughing so loud your stomach hurt, laughing like your problem and pain is gone , you look at chris and he looks at you , staring at each other , “ i love you, so much” said chris with no voice,just mouth language and you said “ i love you more shut up im trying to paint captain america that ass is so hard to draw” you said while laughing. he stands up and go to the sofa,sitting,”come here” said chris, you go into his shoulder and said “what is it?” , “i have a present for you” . he ask you to close your eyes and chris take the small red box in his bag , it was a necklace,a beautiful necklace, he ask you to turn around and open your eyes. “ this is for you,promise me you’ll always wear it even in shower “ he laugh , he put the necklace into your neck and kisses you in the forehead, “ i promise” you said holding the small circle in the necklace, you open it and there’s a photo of steve rogers wearing white shirt , he knows that you like steve rogers more than chris evan. “ wow i legit wanna cry now” your eyes is watering and you hug him,passionate. “ you know that im so lucky to have you in my life don’t you?” “you are important to me,far from important,you are the best friend and a loving girlfriend i have ever asked for,your dumb and silly but also way smarter than me, you have been with me through hard times” said chris talking kinda fast lol “well that’s a speech right there, and yes , i am way smarter than you” .you spend your night cuddling in the sofa , arguing about the new star wars movie , you both always have different opinion on movies and different on solving problem , and also you and chris can get cheesy or savage but during this special time you just wanna express the love and care and just everything.

 the time suddenly become 7 pm, you both getting ready for going outside, well technically chris is getting ready and it’s taking hours , he wear a black shirt with a white outer with jeans and a beanie, simple but looks so good on him. “let’s see the christmas light shall we?” ask chris offering his hand, you grab chris hand and kiss it “let’s go” , you and chris go outside and lock the door, it is very cold outside and pretty , all of the people are staying at their houses with the family and lot of lights in the street , snow is everywhere , you can see the kids through the window opening up the christmas present with full of joy and happiness. you put your hand in chris pockets because you forgot to wear gloves,typical you.” remember when we first met and we use to walk the streets and then you fall and your foot bleeds” said chris , you answer “yeah i still have the scar, it’s crazy how long we know each other and then we become friends and not seeing you for a long time, and yet here we are again” “when your gone, i think it’s the best time for me to think and know my worth and myself, we still love each other but decided to give time for us to think and it’s funny we are still what we are since the first time we met but of course more mature and dork” said chris “ everytime i spend time with you, everytime chris , i am myself and im showing you my best and true self,  it’s just im scared to lose you and makes me anxious that’s why i always quiet sometimes in my room, just thinking what would have been like if you don’t come into my life, your presence felt like how myself should have feel”  you hold your chris hands and he kiss your hand, so lucky to have you, you ran and grab a snow and throw it to chris, just having fun

  When the snow war is done you and chris are exstremely tired, you both decided to go to the cafe and continue the trip later, as you walk to the cafe, the chocolate chip cookie is catching your eye, you ran into the cashier and order a big large amount of cookies and of course chris favorite drink which is an iced coffee, a boring drink. “ here ya go “ you said like a cowboy “ thankS mATe” said chris , you dip your hands in a bag full of cookie and eat it like a mad person         “ you know you look like a starving monkey “ “ or maybe i am an actual monkey right? “ you said it jokingly . “ i prefer your homemade cookies more , your cookies is just the worst” chris said with a mouth full of cookie “ aw thank you i like mine too it’s more worst “ you both really like to twist word and some people just don’t get it, it’s kind of a thing here. as you enjoy the cookie and a hot chocolate you hear a camera voice and yeap of course, when your not ready.      “ hey i wasn’t ready!” you said . “ omg look a monkey, a really pretty monkey” you both burst into laugh. when the talk and fun is done you both decided to continue the mission which is find a christmas light street on a bridge. it’s not that far from the cafe. “ we are almost there!” said chris . “ omg chris look that’s the light!” you ran into the bridge, you can see everything from up there and the lights is just so beautiful . “ this is so wonderful” said chris. “ we actually did it wow im shocked”  

Does anyone want part 2?? commentt :0

[guidesandguardians]

The sun slowly drifts below the trees, the forest growing even colder as the light's warmth vanishes. The air is still, the only sound being the rustling of branches and the quiet tinkling of the stream.

Gael sighs, pushing himself up out of Avalis' lap, his frail frame drowned by the lush fur of his too-big coat.

"I gotta get home before it gets too dark." He says with an apologetic smile. "Thank you for the coat, Miss Ava. And it was really nice to meet you, Miss Syrae!"

"See ya later, kiddo." Avalis waves while Syrae just grunts dismissively.

Gael smiles again, starting his journey back to his village as the pair of sirens drop into the water with a splash.

The child shivers in the cold, his flimsy, beach-combed shoes providing little protection against the deep snow. He quickens his pace, eager to return to the relative warmth of his tiny home. It wasn't much, but he had piled mounds of mouldy, salt encrusted beach scraps atop it, most of it being cloth but anything that could help retain heat had been added as well. Plus, he always has his chicken friends to use as clucking warmth receptacles.

Gael trudges through the wooden pillars serving as the entrance to his village, his face brightening at the sight of his "house". He makes his way over to it, pulling aside the curtain mascarading as a door with undisguised eagerness, ignorant of the teetering shadow coming up behind him.

"Where'd you get that coat, boy?" His father slurs, "Didja steal it? Betcha stole it. Thievin' little rat..."

Gael starts and spins on his heels, his entire body tensed.

"H-hi Father!" He smiles nervously, shaking from more than just the cold. "I found this! On the beach! It was full of sand and-"

"Shuddup!" The man snaps, taking a menacing, if wobbly, step forward. "Dontcha lie to me, you dumb little shrimp. You ain't nearly smart enough to get away with it."

The child flinches, subtly shifting in preparation of flight.

"I'm n-not lying, Father, I promise!" He squeaks.

"Yes, you are!" The man growls, swiping a meaty fist at Gael and barking in rage as the child dodges the claw, darting past him and bolting into the woods, his father lumbering after him with surprising quickness.

Gael pants, racing past the trees, clutching his coat tight to keep it from flapping in the wind. Snow crunches and twigs snap behind him, his father pursuing him in drunken fury.

Gael spins past a trunk, dipping under and dodging logs and branches in an attempt to lose his pursuer. The sounds behind him fade and Gael slows, knees shaking and sweat dripping from his forehead, still too scared to stop moving completely. He keeps going forward, hoping that this is the way to the beach. His father hates going there, and he can easily find a ledge to hide under and away from the wind. He can wrap his jacket around himself, there was more than enough of it to do that, and hopefully it will be enough to keep him from freezing to death. All he has to do is get back home before the tide comes in, his father will probably have calmed down or at least passed out by then, and-

Gael stops.

He looks around.

Where-

Where is he?

The boy takes a hesitant step forward, then another. He breathes in. Wood? Yes. Water? No. Sand? No. Rock?

Gael exhales slowly. Lots of rock, lots of wood. Must be near the cliff. Better tread carefully.

He walks slowly, purposely, each step deliberate. Dont want to fall off a ledge, dont want to-

A twig snaps under his feet and he freezes, not daring to breathe. Maybe his father is far enough away..?

A barrage of stomping and shouting bellows in the distance and Gael bolts, all attempts at stealth abandoned in his terror.

He runs blindly, as fast as he can, slamming into branch after branch and tripping over anything and everything.

The sounds gets louder.

His father is closing in.

Gael stops. His breath comes in harsh pants, the cold tearing at his lungs.

Theres nothing. Nothing in front if him. Nothing but the sheer drop and the stars twinkling in the night sky. He turns, he can head back the way he came, double back on himself and rush past his father, run to the beach, to safety-

"There you are- you little- you little shit!" Gael's father gasps, glaring at his son, his hands balled into tight fists.

"How dare you run from me!" He snarls, stepping forward as Gael takes a step back, his heel balancing on the edge, dirt knocking loose and crumbling down to the forest below.

"P-please dont hurt me!" Gael pleads, hands held out in front of him as if he could hold back the impending pain.

The man swipes at the terrified boy.

Gael throws himself back.

Rock crumbles down the cliff face.

Scraggly nails catch the coats soft fur and Gael twists free-

Only to fall.

The child's scream cuts off with a loud crunch and the man looks over the edge, shrugs, and pulls on the coat.

He heads home.

Time passes.

A ghostly white creature slinks between the trees, twice as big as a bear and with fangs longer than a grown man's arm.

It approaches the crumpled child.

It stares at him.

And it changes.

[mystery-salad]

WELL ... u said u have 38 kiddos and theres 26 letters in the alphabet soooo because i'm extra and love reading about them i think u should do one letter for 26 characters of ur choosing (as long as u choose tvelle for one of them) :-) Don't have to do all the questions for each letter, just whichever excites you most!!

Well…THIS is going under a cut for sure lol, that’s gonna be a long-ass post! I’ll try to include pictures of everyone I choose since I know y’all haven’t seen all my kiddos. Instead of answering one letter for 26 kids, I answered all 26 letters for one kid each! Same number of answers, but a little more variety~

TAOMESIN

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

They’re naturally nimble and light on their feet, very manoeuvrable and can get to just about wherever they want to!

2. what activities have they participated in?

They used to love holiday activities so much~

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

They have worked hard to become a phenomenal sniper so that they can also attack from afar instead of only using close combat.

4. what things are they bad at?

Social interactions and caring

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Their ability to react fast in battle even if things have gone disastrously. They’re incredibly logical and level-headed.

RIEFT

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Light, vibrant green!

2. what is their eye color?

It varies from gold to emerald, colorful flecks and streaks everywhere~

3. how tall are they?

5′8″

4. how old are they?

To current day, she’s 7 years old!

5. how much do they weigh?

Roughly 150 lb

MINT (on the left)

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

They like to curl up with their legs pulled close, nestled as far back as they can be!

2. in what position do they sleep?

Curled up tight, preferably with Azin’s arms around him while they hold onto him.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

A day where Azin is home all day from work so that the two can simply cuddle and be together while they relax~

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

They love ice cream, the cold numbing feeling inside their body is actually very nice and welcome to them on some level.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Azin is the only one who can comfort them at all.

BODACC

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

It’d be a mess, scattered parts all over the place, mid-build machines sitting on every elevated surface! Lots of benches and tabls, a couple cleared off for guests but ultimately it’d look like a workshop.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

She’d never have a child, but if she were to decorate a child’s room she’d fill it with small animatronic toys and puzzles to ensure the child stays thoroughly entertained!

3. how do they decorate their own room?

It’s overcrowded with nicknacks and spare parts she accidentally carried to her room when tired. The bed is constantly messy and she curls up in a next of blankets and pillows in the center of her mattress.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

Lots of tight clothing that can’t snag easily on tools or gears. She’s really fond of pink so a lot of her clothes are in pink tones. She tries to dress nicely to impress other asuras.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

Nope! No makeup or beauty trends for her, it’d just get messed up from her work within the first hour anyways.

TVELLE

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Absolutely! She’s eager and so enthusiastic and excited, she’s constantly bouncing around or hanging off of her friends talking about things excitedly.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

Not by asuran standards for sure! She holds no concept of superiority over others, doesn’t particularly care for traditional learning or sitting at a desk or in a workshop for any amount of time.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

Definitely does her own thing! Whatever makes her happy is good, and she doesn’t really care if it’s not on trend or fashionable.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

She’s not at all, though the younger recruits she trains sometimes try to catch her up on the fads around Tyria. She good-naturedly pays attention when they all tell her something at least.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

She’s very outward in her personality, what you see is 100% what you get with her. It throws most people for a loop at first, a lot of people think she might tone down more if you get to know her better, but nope! She’s just genuinely that exuberant. 

IMEKAARI

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

All sorts of things! Go out to explore the town, meet new people, invite a friend to a new restaurant, learn a new hobby, relax at home with a good book, etc…he really enjoys getting the most out of life.

2. what is their ideal party?

Lots of new people to talk to, well lit and music’s quiet enough to hold casual conversation. Good food, good drinks, and of course a nice place for games or dancing if it comes up!

3. who would they have the most fun with?

He has the most fun with his three closest friends: Io, Lace, and Trahearne!

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Yup, he’s actually very on top of following rules himself, but he’s having a grand time!

5. do they go out a lot?

All the time! Whenever he has a break from work in a new location, he goes out at least a few times to explore. He also tries to get the others to go out more by inviting them places with him.

KVOLD

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

He has gorgeous eyes, a deep blue brimming with excitement!

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

He loves playing around with others and goofing off~

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You’ll always have someone excited to hang out with you anywhere you want to go!

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

He likes his hair a lot, he missed it dearly when it grew in as vines while he was stressed. Since it’s grown soft and leafy again he’s worn it differently every day!

He doesn’t like how he seems so naive to people, he knows he can handle himself really when it comes to anything except the Court.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

He envies that others had the chance to grow up normally.

CHERIE

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

He likes it warm!

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Prefers summer, but winter snowball fights and hot drinks are delightful~

3. do they like the snow?

Yes!!! He was so excited the first time he saw it.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

He loves beach parties or hiking!

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Snowball fights!!!

AQUN

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

She’s pan, but leans more towards girls

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

Nope, she was pretty confident from the start!

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

She did for a while wonder if she was a different gender, but after a year or two of exploring she settled back to female pronouns.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Her family supports her but really hopes she at least adopts a child to carry on the family name.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

She never made a big announcement, and doesn’t care to. Those who would need to know already do.

TOJOLL

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

She loves the thrill of adventure, and a good beach party!

2. who makes them happy?

Her girlfriends do

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

She loves good bar songs about victories in battle

4. are they happy often?

Almost all the time, she’s doing very well!

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Hanging out with her girlfriends

ILLIADDE

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

Yes, she’s thought of it several times but has about as much reason to kill herself as to not. Meaning none.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

She’s committed homicide many times and will many more times, without so much as a thought one way or the other.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

Lace

4. who would miss them if they died?

Strair

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

So. Many. People.

EMBRANT

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

She loves plums and apricots a lot!

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Kiwis and Pineapples, too tart for her taste.

3. are there any foods they hate?

She’s not a fan of figs or peanuts

4. do they have any food intolerances?

Nope! She’s not got any

5. what is their favorite food?

Cupcakes! Preferably funfetti

LAIGHE

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

She has a daughter, but would be happy with either

2. how many children do they want?

One at a time is honestly enough

3. would they be a good parent?

She really would be, and she was, when she wasn’t so weighed down by her job. A lot has happened since then.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

She’d let them pick their own name, considering it’d probably be another sapling.

5. would they adopt?

That’s about all she’d do lol

AEZLIN

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Say anything remotely self-conscious

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

Nothing at the moment, he’s got everything he currently wants in life. Though I’m sure that’ll change off and on as it does.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Fight extraneously. Getting sweaty? Chance of injuries? Gross

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

By his standards? Nothing of course. He’s perfect.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

“completed” his wyld hunt…in a way…

ENNRECK

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

Optimistic for sure

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

Not particularly, he’s pretty laid back and chill. 

3. are they good at giving advice?

Yup! He likes to help where he can, he just doesn’t run into many people very often.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

Nope, he lives a relatively solitary life, which he enjoys~ He goes to see people when he wants to socialise.

5. were they always optimistic?

Nope, he grew up pretty unhappy in traditional charr life as someone who was pretty non-confrontational.

REGNIETTE

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

They’re full of determination! If they set a goal, they’ll reach it.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

They’re far too stubborn for their own good

3. what of their personality do others love?

It’s never boring with them, they’re impulsive and always come back with an interesting story.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

They’re very good at loopholes

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

They hate when people are cowards or show no initiative.

ELAPHURUS

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Yup! They always ask for help when they need it.

2. do they ask questions in class?

If they were in class, they’d be that student with a question about almost every topic.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

They would, but they’d look awkward during it.

4. do they ask weird questions?

So Many weird questions. They’re pretty new to the world.

5. are they curious?

They’re incredibly curious! About everything! Especially other sylvari.

STRAIR

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

Fuck no

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

They’d be a Terrible Parent

3. have they ever faced a consequence for breaking a rule?

Nope, they’re very good at fucking talking their way out of a situation!

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

Nope, they have zero regrets in their life. None at all.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Absolutely, some laws are just ridiculously constraining or restricting or specific. They’re not about that shit.

MATTHIAS

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

He’s very street-smart!

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

No, he got the money himself, he’s not giving it to someone else.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Ooooooh so many times in his youth

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

Considering he grew up among bandits, a Lot has happened to him. He’s still looking over his shoulder for some people from his past.

5. are they cautious when out?

If he’s out without his team, he’s on guard constantly.

NIXXTE

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

They’re as honest as their job requires, they write honest reports after missions.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

Usually yes, they’re part of a spy organisation and can spot a lot of tells now.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Nope, they can lie blatantly and it’s pretty much impossible to tell. That’ll happen when half your face is missing and you sign to speak.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Nope! No lying remorse

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

Nope, they don’t talk about anything unnecessary to say unless among people they trust.

NIKLAE

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

Yeah, one or two saplings who weren’t so nice would bully them sometimes. Thy were a skittish and twitchy target who can’t see what’s coming.

2. have they bullied anyone?

No, they don’t socialise much if thy can help it. Positive or negative.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Yuuup

4. have they ever been doubted?

No, they don’t regularly voice an opinion to others. They just pretty quickly rebuff most people.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Over the years they’ve gotten used to being blind, and good at maneuvering around the world seamlessly.

THALE

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

No, they’ve got a relatively strong stomach

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Sometimes they do. There are days where they don’t eat and those can hurt pretty bad.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

If they knew anyone they likely would be very attentive and accommodating when the person is ill.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

A nice, warm and cozy corner to curl up in with a blanket~

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

They burp and cough some. They don’t hiccup much!

TIRS

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

She does!

2. have they learned to swim?

She can swim very well, loves spending time in a nice lake when it’s hot out~

3. do they like to swim?

Yeah, it’s tons of fun, especially deep dives!

4. can they dive?

She isn’t particularly graceful, but she can dive competently enough

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yup, thanks to the breathing filters Tyria has!

CUE (right)

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

He enjoys just about everything to an extent, he’s not too picky. He really enjoys upbeat dancing music though.

2. do they have a favorite song?

No particular favorite, it changes day to day depending on what he’s feeling!

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

If you walked up to him and asked him what band he’s listening to, as he’s listening to a song, he’s shrug and say he just enjoys the song.

4. can they sing well?

Nooooope, he’s mediocre at best.

5. can they rap?

Definitely Not.

ODOLLUMN

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

I was 20 I think!

2. what inspired you to create them?

Frilly/Lacy Pastel Goth was the goal back then

3. were they different when they were first created?

Oh yeah she was so different, she was gentle and kind and beautiful and elegant. She’s still beautiful, but now she’s unsettling and emotionless and a bit menacing.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

Not more than my other favorites, but Odollumn is definitely way up there for me!

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

She’s a challenge to give motivation for since she’s so apathetic, but it’s a really interesting challenge to be honest.

ENVERT

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

She loves fern hounds, they’re particularly hardy and survive a lot of physical stress.

2. do they like animals?

She loves animals! They’re so convenient.

3. cats or dogs?

Dogs are easier to trap and handle.

4. what’s their dream pet?

She’d love to one day get her hands on an electric wyvern.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

She’s currently got several ‘pets’, yes!

[hcneymilkks]

NINE PERCENT Zhu Zhengting ‘A Dozen Letters’

In which the dreaded Valentine’s day arrives but instead of being left alone, Ying Yue has to track down her mystery guy.

PAIRING: Zhengting x Ying Yue (OC) 

SORT OF A SOCIAL MEDIA ONESHOT (texting and Instagram)

|YING YUE|

Snow crunched against my shoes, my breath exhaling out puffs of white smoke. It was so cold. Yet, my school didn't let us stay home. Stupid winter. Although it looks pretty, frost covering the tree branches bare of leaves, it didn't give me enough motivation to get out of my comfy warm bed.

But of course, my sister had to barge in and wake me up, yelling at me to drive her to school.

Sadly, both my parents took the two cars we had. Instead, I wrapped up my sister and walked her to school, her "boyfriend" meeting with her.

"Happy valentines day!" He yells. My sister giggles and hugs him. I roll my eyes and bid goodbye, not needing to stay here longer.

And now here I am, at the entrance of my school trying to take the excess snow off. Normally, I wouldn't care how the school looks, but today it made my stomach want to hurl. Bleh. Hearts here, red and pink there. This is the day I die.

I quickly text Ha Rin, crying inside.

Ying Yue

don't know where i am

theres too many hearts everywhere

i think i got sent to hell

send help

bitch where you and Eun Jung at

Ha Rin

Lmao

its only one day come on you can survive

we are at ur locker, come here

Ying Yue

im cryin

I walk quickly to my locker, trying to ignore all of the "Happy Valentines day" and couples sticking their tongues in each other's mouths.

I hate this day, I hate this.

Why?

Just bad memories.

Ying Yue

sksksk theres too many couples making out my poor eyes

Ha Rin

LOL hurry up then

I almost bump into a girl who then glared at me.

"Bitch." I mumbled

"Ying ying!" I turned around and saw Ha Rin and Eun Jung both holding....ugh.

"Awe are those stuffies for me? You shouldn't have." I playfully try to take it away but they both glare at me playfully.

"No, you know who this will be given to." Eun Jung says in a teasing tone while Ha Rin nods and laughs.

I shudder. "This is why I hate valentines day."

"Come on Ying Yue. it's only one day, it's not the end of the world." Eun Jung puts an arm around my shoulder. I shrug it off, going towards my locker to get my math book.

"But you both are leaving me for your boyfriends during my four-hour break. It is so the end of the world." I pout and try to open the lock with no avail.

"Ugh stupid lock."

Ha Rin and Eun Jung laugh. "Awe is little Ying Ying sad because she doesn't have a boy to cuddle?"

"Shut up. I don't need a man."

"That is true....but remember your other valentine's day attempts with your crushes. Both of them who I hate with my life but you do you boo." Eun Jung says.

I drop the lock and look at both of my friends. "We do not talk about that. I was too dumb in what I thought was love."

They both snickered. "Well no one told you to stick candies on their locker DUH!" They both say at the same time and I swear if murder wasn't illegal I would have buried their dead asses by now.

"Ohmygod what did I just say not to do!" I exclaim and open my locker a little bit too forcefully, I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek and involuntarily closed my eyes.

"What the fuck!?" I yelled, opening my eyes a moment later to see not one, but TWELVE LETTERS spill out of my locker.

The hallway was silent for a moment and I felt my cheeks burn. Oh, how I hated being the center of attention. Make it stop. The bell rang not a moment later and I clumsily picked up all of the letters, saying a quick goodbye before heading to the library for my first free period....hopefully alone.

|ZHENGTING|

"Okay calm down I'm just getting out of my car." I say into my phone, hearing coherent mumbles from the other side of the receiver. I grabbed my bag from the backseat and went into school.....of course, I locked my car.

"What was that Wenjun? I can't hear you." I say in a sing-song voice, always teasing him for his mumbles. Before I used to blame my hearing, I swear it keeps getting worse with me always blasting music to dance to. But after many times hearing him mumble, I realized it wasn't my hearing but it was just Wenjun's habit.

"-Hello? Zhengting are you still on?" I snap out of my trance and nod my head, mentally cursing because no one can hear a nod from a phone call.

"Yeah I'm still on. I'm inside the school now, where are you?"

"Going to my locker, meet me there before class starts?"

"Will do." I hang up and look around the school. Pink and red hearts everywhere. My student council can be so extra with these "holidays." I hum a little tune and turned the corner until I heard a voice that made my knees go weak.

Ying Yue.

Oh god, she's at her locker. Calm down Zhengting you just have to walk to Wenjun's locker that is beside her. You can do this. I take a deep breath and start to walk towards Wenjun, not until I tripped on my own shoe and almost fell. Curse my two left feet.

I didn't see Ying Yue look but I saw her friends did and I mentally cried. Great, I'm gonna get teased.

"Hey bro." Wenjun and I did a handshake and opened his locker. "So how was it falling for...you know." He points in the three girls direction and laughs.

I glare and tackle him down, not needing this first thing in the morning. "Can you just get your stuff and let's go? I don't need to be here any-" I heard yelling and looked at Ying Yue, locker open and letters on the ground. I blushed and looked away, recognizing that handwriting. The bell rang soon after and I felt a rush of cold wind pass by.

"Dude, just how many letters did you write to her?" Wenjun whispers and I tense up. I saw this post that this guy bought his girlfriend twelve roses and stated that if the last one died their love will die. Plot twist? The last rose was fake and that signified that their love will last forever.

"I may or may have written twelve letters." I said shyly.

"AND YOU STUCK IT IN HER LOCKER ALL AT THE SAME TIME!?!" Wenjun exclaims and I cover his mouth with my hand.

"Was that a bad idea?"

|YING YUE|

I sit down in the library and take deep breaths, never again I will run....psh just kidding I run away from everything.

I touch the area on my face where I felt a cut and I winced. I quickly put on a bandaid because I don't want to get an infection...duh. I then opened my math textbook, trying to finish yesterday's homework that I forgot at school. But I couldn't. I couldn't think of anything else but the letters. "Twelve letters? For me? It's not April fools day yet." I mumble, closing my math textbook and welcoming sleep for the remainder of the free period.

Well, no sleep came. My hands indistinctively went to my backpack and I found the twelve letters I dumped in there haphazardly. I picked a random one and looked to see who it was addressed to.

"My love? What the hell?"

I opened the letter and admired the handwriting. For some reason, I recognized it from somewhere. There's no way Zhengting wrote this. I thought. He doesn't see me other than a little sister.

Yes, Zhengting and I go way back. Meaning the cliche neighbours to this day. The cliche spending time at each other's houses cuddling and talking about everything. The cliche friendly "I love you's" and "I miss you's." I laughed softly at the vast memories. It was as if a switch turned on in my brain and I stopped spending a lot of time with Zhengting. Why?

I love him.

I tried to distract myself with other crushes, trying to make myself noticeable to them with yes, putting candies on their lockers for valentines day. Only one noticed but rejected me.

I later knew it was so stupid. I was blinded by artificial love and wanting to get rid of feelings for Zhengting.

I looked at the letter.

'Ying Yue,

You probably ran away when you saw all of the letters fall from your lockers, I know you hate the attention. So instead of giving you twelve roses because I'm literally so shy, I'm giving you twelve letters (which you could make it into paper roses but idk.)

Where do I start....the first time we met. Now I don't want to give too much away but we were pretty close in our childhood.

You've grown into a wonderful, beautiful human being I mean girl. When you first walked into the doors of this year I swear you got even prettier.

Since I only have twelve letters because I didn't want to bombard you with more, I will compliment you twelve times...maybe even more if you let me.

Number one, your laugh, your sincere one. I love hearing it. It was one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. Yes Yue, you read it right. I'm deeply and terribly in love with you and I can never get you off my mind.

Ps. I'm closer than you think *winks*'

I put down the letter and look around, trying to see if I can spot anyone. There were only girls here. Does this mean he's in my classes?

|ZHENGTING|

I smile when I see her look around. Thank god she can't see me from here. I go back doing my own work, hoping she will read the rest.

I know, so cliche. But it's really scary confessing to someone who has been in your life for so long.

immediately I hear a loud thud and I jump out of fright. God damn why is everything so scary? Taking out one earphone I look to where the sound came from and lo and behold, I make eye contact with a fallen Ying Yue.

Shit.

|YING YUE|

"Oh shit I'm gonna be late for my next class." I hurriedly pack my things, mutter a small apology for the person who wrote those letters, for they will be crushed yet again by the suffering and anxiety of what is called school books.

I stood up, but somehow the next moment the chair that I sat on fell along with me beside it. Damn me for being so clumsy.

Not only was the library more silent than before, but I also made eye contact with the last person I wanted to see. Not when I had my speculations.

Zhu Zhengting.

I quickly looked away, flustered and embarrassed. I ran once more. Let's hope from all this running I'm doing today is going to make me lose weight.

Why do you do this to me Zhu Zhengting?

***

My media studies class was pretty interesting to say the least, but for some reason, I have a project to do.....it's photography?

"Well happy valentine's day to all. I didn't expect to bring this project up so suddenly." My teacher explained.

"For the past month, we have been looking at social media and how it affects our daily lives. Normally, we only want people to see the bright, happy sides. Or either, we repost other people's photos without permission and claim it as our own. Now, what does this all have to do with the project? I will be asking each of you to either clear your own Instagram profiles and start fresh or create a new Instagram profile. This will be a week-long project. I not only want you to add your happy moments but your sad ones. I want to see not only cute pictures of the sky but also your homework. I want to see your daily life in pictures. So like a daily blog."

Everyone starts to groan but the teacher silences us. "Oh come on class. It's not like you all are already not glued to your phones twenty-four seven. It's worth thirty percent of your grade so I expect some effort. For extra marks you can write a journal on one specific photo and why it's special to you."

"I wish I dropped this class already." someone mumbles beside me but I completely ignore it, already knowing what to do.

50 likes

@ying.yang - aight @person who left me twelve letters in my locker. Who u and wat u want wit me?

5 comments

@e.jung - A SECRET ADMIRER!?! IS IT *********?

@ying.yang - @e.jung ShUt uP

@haharin - @e.jung oof it's totally him

@ying.yang - @haharin SHUT UP

|ZHENGTING|

Shit.

My eyes went wide during lunch.

"Wenjun did you see Ying Yue's post?" I show him my phone and he looks at the photo.

"Damn ting why don't you ever write me notes like that?" he pouts and I smack him on the arm.

"You don't deserve any...not when you cheated on me with Quanzhe!"

Wenjun laughs. "But no seriously you should tell her today that you like her. You have History class with her right?"

I nod.

"You still have them?"

I nod again.

"Good. I have a plan."

200 likes

@tingting - maybe today will be the day where I can finally give you flowers in person

20 comments

@yellowturnip.justin - eh?

@byewenjun - oh you are so confessing to her today...im tired of seeing you sulk about how youre too much of a chicken to do it

@tingting - @byebyewenjun sksksks sHUT UP

@fanchangechange - wait, Zhengting only knows one girl...does that mean????

@tingting - @fanchangechange I LIKE UR SISTER NOW SHUT UP

@quanzhieeee - @tingting @fanchangechange THATS A LIE  

|YING YUE|

I fiddle with my pen, hoping something exciting happens during the week or else I will be posting sky photos and my song playlist which is all over the place. I mean I guess I could write a reflection on my music, but what's the point?

I wait for History class to start, wanting more than to just go home.

Music in my ears, I sketch a human figure, pouting when one side is different than the other.

A tap on my shoulder.  That one tap made me lose my focus and snap back into the dreaded reality. I now know what photo I should post next.

I take out my headphones and turn around, looking at the familiar boy. Again? The second time I have seen him today.

"Is anyone sitting here?" he asks and I shake my head no immediately. He places his backpack on his desk and sits down, closing his eyes.

I look at him for a moment and then shake my head, trying to go back to my sketch.

"Why are you shaking your head?" I hear the person beside me say. He opens one eye and looks at me from the side.

"Nothing. It's stupid."

"Okay then. I wanted to ask you a question. "

I turn my body and look at him. "Shoot."

He opens his other eye. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"W-what?"

"The picture you posted on Instagram, who's the lucky guy?"

Shoot.

"Oh that? I have uh no idea." I'm sorta wishing, hoping it is you.

Zhengting nods and the teacher walks in, signalling the start of History class.

***

My eyes feel heavy, and the teacher's monotone voice does not help one bit. I peek a little to my right and see Zhengting taking notes like a good student. Meanwhile, my notes are filled with sketches.

70 likes

@ying.yang - oops

10 comments

@haharin - wtf listen in class

@ying.yang - @haharin i cant im gonna fall asleep soon

@e.jung - tsk tsk

@ying.yang - @e.jung @haharin WILL BOTH OF YOU LET ME LIVE!?!

I didn't even know the bell rang until I looked around and saw people packing their bags, getting ready to go home. I quickly stuffed my phone in my pocket, standing up to pack my bag until I saw a piece of paper hurriedly folded on my desk.

'Ying Yue,

Meet me at the field if you wanna know who I am'

My heart started pounding for no reason. What if this was a prank? What if this note was left for someone else? Well actually it did say my name but the chills ran down my spine. I shook my head and went along with it, stopping by my locker to bring my Physics textbook with me to hit the person if needed.

***

The closer I get to the field, the farther away I am from the crowds of people.  I stop at what looks like the middle, plot my stuff on the ground and wait.

"Wenjun I told you that you shouldn't have gone to the washroom right now, look, Ying Yue, is already here."

"Ting calm down, just go up to her and say I love you or whatever."

My ears perk up at the familiar voice, but the other voice speaking says something that makes me freeze.

Wait, does that mean?

"Ying Yue."

I turn around and look at Zhengting.

"It's you?" I say, cringing at how I sounded so blunt.

He rubs the nape of his neck and laughs awkwardly. "Suprise?"

I giggle and smile. "I'm glad it's you."

250 likes

@tingting - smile brighter than the sun. My love

30 comments

@yellowturnip.justin - oH!?! IT WAS YING YUE THIS WHOLE TIME!?!

@fanchangechange - cute

@quanzhieeee - I ship

@byewenjun - freaking finally. thought you were going to die alone

@tingting - @byewenjun TAKE THAT BACK

@ying.yang - sksks LMAO @byewenjun

100 likes

@ying.yang - i guess something good did happen after all. im glad its you

30 comments

@tingting - ily

@ying.yang - ily2 loser

@e.jung - @haharin have we been replaced?

@haharin - @e.jung I think so :(

@ying.yang - @e.jung @haharin shut up you guys. you were the ones who left me in the first place!

MASTERLIST

[aestheticvoyage2018]

Day 329: Sunday November 25, 2018 - “Deck The Halls”

I grew up in a house where this time of year meant busting out the boxes of decorations, and records of Christmas music, and general full of holiday cheer.  It was a special time of year that always seemed to be full of magic. And even as shes grown older, and the house emptied out without kids to build the magic for, she still looks forward to this day all year when the house transforms into a winter holiday wonder land.   These days, theres not just one Christmas Tree, but 4.  Theres the beach tree, the kitchen tree, and the Sparty Tree.  The main Christmas Tree is still the main event and I was happy to help decorate it pulling memories out of the boxes finding my baby’s first Christmas ornament, and the one from Bronners with my Name and other long off trinkets from the early years of my family as my mom dutifully collected a year’s ornament, as she did again this year.   Serving as the Christmas tree as much as a time capsule as Elvis hummed along to our favorite Christmas tunes (mom having filled the full 25 disc player with Christmas CDs).   My Mom has wanted us to come home for Christmas for the last few years, and we’ll make it this year for sure and it was nice to also be here today, to see the Christmas season formally start in the Acton house.

Song: Elvis Christmas Album

Quote: “And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” ― Dr. Seuss

[kfawkes]

Like a Knife to the Heart

Hi! This is my first EVER JONERYS FIC. I hope you like it :) I’m used to writing Shakarian as you all know, so if this isn’t your cup of tea no worries! theres nothing graphic or sexual, but it’s kinda fluffy. Thanks for reading guys! 

Check it out on Ao3 too if you wanna! <3

There weren’t many things that scared Jon. No, he’d been through worse than any man could dare to even dream about. He’d been murdered by his brothers, abandoned by his friends, tricked, lied to and his heart had been crushed in more ways than one. It was hard to be afraid of anything after you’ve lived a life like Jon’s or seen what really lie beyond The Wall... What Jon didn’t realize was that when you lived your life knowing you could die at moment, there wasn’t much room for happiness or joy. You were left empty and usually alone.

But things changed for Jon, and he felt himself truly feeling what it was like to be alive again, only after he felt that fear again. The fear of losing something, someone special.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he was summoned to Dragonstone, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t her. He’d heard the stories about House Targaryen... The Mad King and the tales of days when dragons roamed the skies. But this woman wasn't like her father, and the dragons were no longer distant memories, Slowly, and then like a wave he felt himself pulled towards her more and more as each day pass. Drawn not just to her beauty or grace and elegance, but to her strength, persistence and vigilance. 

Daenerys Targaryen was impeccable and only a fool would not see it. Nearly everything about this woman was inspiring and it quickly became clear to him why people chose to follow her. The more time he spent with her himself, the more he wanted to know her. As each day passed he warmed up to the idea of bending the knee and even serving her himself.  

Jon been her guest at Dragonstone for over a full moon cycle, and even though Queen Daenerys granted permission to mine the Dragonglass, she was quite persistent in her cause as rightful Queen of Westeros. But Jon knew what was coming, he’d seen it so many moons ago and now they were almost here. 

He maybe have been able to see her wondrous potential like all others, but he still he couldn’t bend the knee. How could he focus on petty things like who the rightful heir was when he knew what was coming for them. Jon may have acted stupidly before, but he wouldn’t let her beauty or bloodline blind him from his true goals. Protecting the Realm and stopping The Army of the Dead. 

Jon was King in the North, selected by those who knew his family and his trials to guide them all; To protect them. He had duties, expectations... obligations. How could he submit to this Queen, even if he himself knew she would be a worthy choice when the outcome of it all was so irrelevant? His men trusted him, they chose him and they needed him to be strong and do what is right for them... Bending the knee was of little importance, but saving the Realm wasn’t. 

“Your Grace... If I might have a word.” Jon asked under a serious brow with hands linked loosely behind his back as he make brief eye contact with Tyrion and the others surrounding them. “In private, if I may.”

After a moment she nodded once as the quiet shuffle of feet exited the Chamber of the Painted Table leaving the two in silence. Jon exhaled in full, as he watch her from the opposite side of the table. She was wearing a long black dress, the same one she’d worn the first day he met her, and by the Seven if she didn’t look beautiful.

“Is this private enough for you, Jon Snow?” Daenerys asked as she pull herself gracefully from her chair at the head of the table. Linking her slender fingers into a tight braid as she walk closer to him, her eye contact unbreaking. 

“Yes... Your Grace, I kn-” 

“You may call me Daenerys.” She interrupted him as she step lightly unlinking her fingers as she trace them along the edge of The Painted Table. “Continue.”

“Daenerys, you have my gratitude... My armies stand a chance because of you. You’ve done what not many would and trusted someone you’ve never met. And now I’m asking you to trust me again.” Jon’s brow was still lowered, the concern and urgency was as prevalent on his face as it was in his voice. 

“And what is it you’re asking of me?” With a soft exhale she move her purple eyes to his, reading him as best she could. 

Jon raised a hand to the back of his neck as he nodded lowly. “The Army of the Dead are real and they are stronger than any man or woman, stronger than any army: We cannot win this battle alone. They’re coming whether you choose to believe that or not-” 

“And what if I do believe you?” Daenerys replied with a smooth silky voice, as she glance to the Painted Table beside her eyeing each wooden House piece momentarily. “If what you say is true then there won’t be anything left to rule after...” Daenerys slid her finger tips over the House Stark piece with a soft finger, then move her eyes back to his. “What is it you’re asking of me?”

“I’m going North, over The Wall... I plan to bring one of the dead to King’s Landing. I’m going to show Queen Cersei what is coming for us. For all of us... If we want to win this war we will need more men.”

“I have men.” She replied back quickly, holding her jaw tightly together. Daenerys didn’t like the idea of this Cersei Lannister on her throne, but she liked the idea of Jon going to her even less.

“Not enough.” Jon said back under a soft sigh. “We need the support of everyone we can. That means those on the Iron Throne.”

“No...” Daenerys swallowed as she shake her head briefly from side to side. “You don’t have my permission to leave.” 

“With all due respect, Daenerys... I wasn't asking for permission. I am a king and I must do this.” Jon was confident and could see by the expression on her face that she didn’t like his response.

Jon lightly sighed as he slid his eyes to the walls momentarily. Tracing each scale carved into the wood forming a miraculous dragon. As he glide his gaze over each crevice he thought on her response. He himself didn't like it and he wondered if she thought he’d prefer miles upon miles of ice and snow to the comfort of a warm fire and meal at Dragonstone... Did she think he’d rather trek for days with what is out there instead of ruling the North in Winterfell? Did Daenerys believe he’d prefer the possibility of death to spending time alongside her? 

Of course he didn’t want to leave, but he had to. This was his battle and it was beginning to seem like it always had been. 

“You’ll get yourself killed.” When she replied this time her voice wasn’t strong or stern, but lined ever so slightly with apprehension. 

“I might.” Jon took a small step closer to her admiring the way the light shone behind her silvery white hair. The paleness of her face and her large round lavender colored eyes... He knew the way he was looking at her would be noticed, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

“Please don’t...” Daenerys said quietly as she look to his chest thinking of the first day she met him and the words Davos had said.

He took a knife to the heart for his people. He gave his...

Now in those moments she wondered what those words truly meant. “I’ve grown rather fond of you.”

Before he realized what he was doing, Jon reached a hand towards her cheek, tracing the back of his finger along it slowly. That look still ever present in his eyes, saying volumes more than any words he could form would. He watched her slightly shudder at the embrace as she drew a hurried breath in and swallow returning the look he sent her in full.  

“I’m... I’m sorry Your Grace, please... forgive me.” Jon’s face changed to one trying to hide embarrassment as he remove his hand quickly, shifting his gaze towards his feet.

“Don’t be.” Daenerys didn’t move and she didn’t seem to notice his embarrassment or have minded he’d just touched her... She just stare with wide  eyes holding a look of admiration behind them. “And I told you... Daenerys.” 

[arplis]

Arplis - News: What Is a Single-Family Home? Inside the Dwelling of the American Dream

If youve imagined owning a house, chances are youve pictured a single-family home, even if you havent called it that. A lot of us sketched these types of homes as kids: a square for the building, a rectangle for the door, a triangle roof, and a few windows, and a chimney in front of a bright blue sky.

As a prospective homeowner, youll see the term single-family home in real estate listings and mortgage applications. For instance, there were 6 million housing units sold in 2019, including new and existing single-family homes, condominiums, and co-ops.

But what sets the single-family home apart? For one thing, itsset apart! A single-family home is generally a freestanding structure not attached to or sharing utilities with another housing unit, says real estate agent Michele Friedler, a longtime real estate agent serving the Boston, Cambridge, and Brookline areas in Massachusetts.

Whether its colonial or modern, one or more stories, with a two-car garage or a backyard swimming pool, a single-family home is a specific type of construction. Yet for many buyers, it symbolizes the American Dream.

Lets explore more about single-family homes and whether this type of home is right for you.

Single-family homes: The suburban American boom

The popularity of the single-family home dovetails with the growth of suburban America. In the San Fernando Valley before the 1920s, for instance, no running water or electricity meant housing scattered among regional hamlets and large ranches, according to the Los Angeles Daily News.

Single-family homes in the area in this case, two-bedroom tract cottages with garages, driveways, and yards for barbecues began to boom during World War II and the following years as the new Federal Housing Administration encouraged homeownership, the Los Angeles Daily News states.

A single-family home is a type of construction, which in turn ties into zoning laws and land use. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, single-family housing units can be standalone houses or semi-attached, side-by-side structures such as duplexes, townhouses, or row houses. But all must have these characteristics:

A ground-to-roof wall

A separate heating system

Individual meters for public utilities

No units located above or below

If each individual unit within a building does not meet all these conditions, the building is considered multifamily housing, the Census Bureau says.

A condominium, by comparison, is a unit in a multifamily building with specific ownership parameters: each resident owns the interior walls of a particular unit and has joint or common ownership of common areas, such as the lobby and elevator, or any amenities, such as a gym.

Known for being spacious (and becoming more so)

Single-family homes can vary in size, although these homes have grown larger over the years. The median size of a new single-family house completed in 2018 was 2,386 square feet, compared to 2,000 square feet in 1998 and 1,595 square feet in 1980, Census data shows.

Zoning laws indicate where youll find the single-family houses in your area. Only about 1% of the residential properties in Manhattan are single-family homes, for instance, according to one analysis from ATTOM Data Solutions, a national property data warehouse. Compare that with the other density of single-family housing in these cities from ATTOMs analysis:

14% in Boston

20% in Brooklyn

29% in Washington, D.C.

37% in Chicago

49% in San Francisco

51% in Miami

57% in Los Angeles

67% in Denver

69% in Seattle

70% in Austin

81% in Portland

Source: (trekandshoot / Shutterstock.com)

The pros of single-family homeownership

A single-family home appeals to buyers who want pride of ownership and a certain amount of freedom. One can be completely deeded separately, where you own the deed and the rights to that property from the sky to the ground below you, Friedler says.

This bundle of rights includes the right to sell, lease, encumber, use, enjoy, exclude, and devise by will, according to The Language of Real Estate. In other words, you could buy a single-family home and bequeath it to someone or lease it as investment property.

Other perks of owning a single-family home include:

Privacy

Because the definition of a single-family home states how individual it is in terms of its utilities and the absence of any units above or below, a single-family home is ideal for people who prefer privacy. While you always have a chance of encountering a noisy neighbor, you live with substantially less noise when you dont have housing directly over or under your own living space (raucous relatives notwithstanding).

Space

A single-family home gives residents more elbow room, indoors and outdoors. Of the 840,000 single-family homes completed in 2018, 45% had four or more bedrooms and 36% had three or more bathrooms, according to new construction data. Compare that with the 345,000 multifamily units completed that year, where just 10% had three or more bedrooms.

A single-family home also has a yard thats yours alone, even if its small. You can install a swimming pool, a swing set, or even a fire pit if your municipality allows, and you wont have to share it with your neighbors. Builders often include outdoor features as selling points: of the newly built single-family homes completed in 2018, 32% had a patio and a porch.

Freedom for your own tastes

Perhaps the biggest perk of owning your own home is that you can exercise your own taste and style, right down to the doorknobs. For somebody who wants to be free to do whatever they want in terms of renovations or styles, paint colors, or landscaping, they may choose to be in a single-family home because theres less restriction, Friedler says.

Of course, you cant violate any local codes or zoning requirements. Also, if your single-family home falls under the governance of a homeowners association (HOA) in your neighborhood or housing development, youll also have to abide by the HOAs rules, at least as far as outdoor decor. But homeownership does provide more flexibility in general.

Source: (united photo studio / Shutterstock.com)

Some drawbacks of the single-family home: Responsibility and accessibility

There are some cons to owning a single-family home, which tend to boil down to all that space. Your home may be your castle, but because its yours, youre on the hook for whatever happens to it.

Maintenance

An HOA takes care of a communitys shared property (like a recreation center swimming pool or golf course). But even within that type of arrangement, homeowners are responsible for the upkeep of their own houses and yards. Depending on where you live, that could include not only mowing the lawn and raking leaves but perhaps shoveling snow on the driveway, front walk, and sidewalk.

As a homeowner, you also need to keep a maintenance budget for repairs to the exterior, such as the roof; systems such as the heating, ventilation, and air conditioning unit; and major appliances, such as a refrigerator or washing machine; plus any emergencies, like a downed tree in the yard.

Navigation

If you or a family member has a disability, or if you find stairs tougher to manage as you age, a single-family home may not be right for you unless its only one story.

In the Boston area, Friedler says she notices a number of Baby Boomers who want to sell the houses where they raised their families and move to a condominium or smaller housing closer to the city, where they have more amenities and easier access to shopping and activities.

Not as affordable

The median existing price of a single-family home in November 2019 was $274,000, an increase of 5.4% from a year earlier, the National Association of Realtors said. Assuming a 3% down payment and a 28% maximum mortgage-to-income ratio, one analysis shows that median home prices for the fourth quarter of 2019 were unaffordable for the average wage earner (someone earning $1,095 a week) in 71% of nearly 500 counties nationwide.

The most affordable counties for homeownership, according to an analysis from 24/7 Wall St., include:

Baltimore City County, Maryland

Bibb County, Georgia

Clayton County, Georgia

Peoria County, Illinois

Wayne County, Michigan

The 25 least-affordable counties to buy a house in the United States all fall within four states: New York, California, Massachusetts, and Hawaii, this analysis shows.

In general, a housing unit like a condominium is more affordable than a single-family home, Friedler adds, but that can vary based on other factors. For parts of the area that I service, we have some condominiums that actually cost more than single-family homes, but thats because of other aspects of the location in terms of convenience to the business district and public transportation, she says.

In short, a single-family home appeals to buyers who want a certain amount of space, decorating freedom, and a suburban lifestyle, but there might be options out there that you dont realize your area has. Talk to your real estate agent about the features you want the most and what best fits your price range to find the type of home that suits your dreams.

Header image source: (Scott Webb / Unsplash.com)

Arplis - News source http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Arplis-News/~3/nMW7_IzXP8I/what-is-a-single-family-home-inside-the-dwelling-of-the-american-dream

[josephkitchen0]

Designing Your Ideal Homesteading Land

By Ken Wilson – Homesteading land is neither a farm nor a rural residence; therefore, it presents design challenges that are different from the others.

A rural residence is basically nothing more than a suburban house plunked down on a larger lot, and any outdoor design will be largely concerned with landscaping, with appearances. A farm, on the other hand, is more like an industrial complex. Depending on its type, it will involve several or even many buildings. It must make accommodations for the passage and maneuvering of very large equipment and the handling and storage of many tons of products that might range from seed and fertilizer to hay and grain to milk or meat. Efficiency and convenience take precedence over more aesthetic aspects.

Homesteading land? Well, that’s more than a rural residence and less than a farm, in terms of size and output. A productive homestead should be attractive and pleasant, and at the same time convenient and efficient in terms of personal food production. How can the various pieces of the productive homestead be put together to achieve these ends?

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There are no stock answers or plans, if only because no two homesteaders (or homesteading lands) are the same. But if we look at what might be called a “basic” homestead, we see some principles that, while not engraved in stone, at least deserve consideration.

Elements of the Productive Homestead

For design purposes, the productive homesteading land consists of five main parts: the dwelling, work areas (some of which are a part of the dwelling), garden and orchard areas, livestock areas, and livestock feed production areas. There may be others, such as a woodlot and pond, which won’t enter into this discussion because even though they will have a major bearing on the design of the homesteading land, their location is usually dictated by natural circumstances.

The task of homestead planning is to locate and link these areas so as to provide maximum efficiency and convenience without sacrificing economy or beauty.

Location of the Home

In the olden days, many farmhouses were built right next to the road, which not only provided easy access but also afforded the opportunity to sit on the front porch and wave to neighbors passing by in wagons and carriages … many of whom, no doubt, stopped to chat. Internal combustion vehicles roaring past and leaving clouds of fumes and dust have taken the fun out of that, so today most countrysiders would prefer to have their homes more isolated. Indeed, many jurisdictions dictate certain minimum setbacks.

On the other hand, the country homes of the gentry were set far back, accessed by long, graceful (and space-wasting), tree-lined drives which were flanked by wide expanses of lawn. Private and elegant, perhaps, but expensive, and hardly productive.

The productive homesteading land should fall somewhere between these two extremes. On the small plot of five acres or less (three to five acres is the minimum size for a productive homestead in most regions if animal feed is to be produced), the size and shape of the parcel will readily dictate the location of the house. If the tradition is followed that the street side of the home is for show and the backyard for utility, then the front yard will be kept small. Of course today it’s not uncommon to find vegetables in decorative beds in front yards. The landscape of a front yard can easily incorporate fruit trees. There’s no law that says orchard trees have to be laid out in straight rows in rectangles.

On larger tracts of land, keep in mind the construction and upkeep costs of a long private road or drive. What may be an elegant grand avenue in the summer and fall might well become impassable when it turns into a mudhole in spring or is packed with several feet of snow. Then too, unless you have solar and a cell phone, the cost of telephone and electric service can be prohibitive if the house is located too far from the main lines.

Even if your house isn’t too far from the main road, consider such items as fire protection. Maybe you can easily get to the house with a four-wheel-drive, but can the fire trucks make it in with room to turn around to go after more water?

Location of the Garden

Obviously, the ideal garden site is sunny, well-drained, with fertile soil. Water availability may also be a consideration. If you use greywater from the sinks in the house or runoff from the roof to water the garden, naturally it would have to be located downhill from the house.

In addition, the garden should be close enough to the animal housing area to minimize transporting manure to the compost pile, and compost to the garden. The garden should also be close enough to the house for transporting produce to the processing area. The latter includes not only major space-utilizing crops such as corn, potatoes, and canning tomatoes, but even more importantly, the herbs and vegetables that are used on a daily basis during the season … and often harvested at the last minute when a meal is already being prepared.

For this reason, a “kitchen garden” located as close to the kitchen as possible is a necessity. It may be a portion of the main or only garden or a smaller separate garden, but its function is to serve as an extension to the kitchen. Instead of walking a quarter of a mile for a sprig of parsley when dinner is already on the stove, the cook can merely reach out the window, as it were.

The kitchen garden might also be called the “salad garden,” since its main purpose is to provide produce that will be used fresh. Even if the main garden contains several dozen tomato plants, there should be one or two in the kitchen garden, particularly if the main garden is any distance from the kitchen. This is where the lettuce, scallions, radishes and similar crops that are grown in limited quantities and used fresh are grown.

Of course, the kitchen garden may be incorporated into decorative beds and border plantings right around the house.

This begins to illustrate some of the principles of homesteading land design, namely, that the productive homestead is composed of many separate functional elements, and they are all tied together by one or more threads.

Location of the Animals

There are two schools of thought on locating animal housing: one is to have the animals as far as reasonably possible from human habitation; the other is to have them as close as reasonably possible. Just as some people wouldn’t think of letting the dog in the house while other people let theirs sleep with them, homesteaders have different ideas about how close crowing chickens and perfumed pigs should be to open bedroom windows. On small homesteading land where no space is to be wasted, closer is better. In some areas, the location of animal housing is restricted by zoning regulations, but there have also been situations where animals and humans lived under the same roof. ”

One such example was given by Charles H. Eisengrein about his boyhood home in Upper Austria. Three generations, including aunts, uncles and nine cousins lived on the farm called “Grauholtz.”

“The family, and everybody else except some of the Hungarians, lived in the vierkanthof, a large building completely enclosing a central courtyard. (Vierkant means “four-cornered.”) This courtyard or hof was about 20 meters square, mostly paved, except for a few planting beds.

“The living quarters were on the south side, although they did not extend entirely across the building-the southeast corner was a large granary. Between the granary and the living area was a large passageway, big enough for a loaded hay wagon to drive through into the hof. Heavy iron-bound wooden gates protected the outer entrance; the other end of the passageway had lighter gates, mostly left open except in very cold weather.

“The kitchen was next to the drive-through passageway, and beyond that a parlor (very seldom used), several storerooms, and several bedrooms.

“The kitchen was far more than a simple food preparation center. It was that, of course, but we also ate there. There was a big dining table plus smaller tables, cupboards, clothes racks, chests, a vast tiled stove and oven, and an open fireplace. The stairway to the second floor was entered from the kitchen.

“On the second floor, there were only bedrooms.

“The part of the building on the west of the hof was mostly occupied by cattle–the milk cows, young stock, the bulls and oxen–and related facilities: a room for turnips and similar feed, a milk room and a place for making and storing cheese.

“Across the far side much of the space was used for storing and working on plows, harrows, wagons and other tools and equipment, but there was also enough room for all the chickens, geese, pigs and sheep.

“The horse stables were on the east side of the hof and there was also another drive-through passageway, somewhat smaller than the main entry, more space for wagons, and some ground floor hay storage. The rest of the hay, of course, was in an enormous loft that formed the upper story of the west, north and east portion of the building.”

According to this account, there were 60 or 70 buildings of this type in that part of the province, and they were all built between 1700 and 1730. “Why people built such buildings then, and not before or after, and why they were built there and (so far as I know), nowhere else, would be an interesting puzzle for some architectural historian to unravel,” Mr. Eisengrein said.

While a Grauholtz is far too elaborate for the average homestead family, the same principles could apply. If the living quarters are scaled down to single-family size, the rest of it would be reduced to homestead size. The basic idea will appeal to some. People who like being with, watching and protecting their animals would certainly enjoy such an arrangement, and no doubt could devise a very attractive and decidedly efficient plan. Providing water and electricity would be greatly simplified. On the other hand, odor and rodent control would be of major importance and the resale value of such a place might be in doubt.

Obviously, most people will opt for something between having to commute to their animals or having those animals in the next room. The question then is, what kind of animal housing should be provided and where should it be located?

Many homesteaders like the idea of having all their animals in one barn. It makes chore time easier, it’s efficient and they think it looks better. It can also offer a certain amount of flexibility. For example, it’s easier to reduce the goat herd and increase the poultry flock if both are housed in the same structure than it is if there is both a chicken coop and a goat shed.

Others feel that building a structure for each species is a better alternative. For instance, having the poultry house downwind of the house will help reduce odors in hot weather.

However, most people inherit buildings already in place with a homesteading heritage all their own, and often those buildings are too large for the average homestead. Incidentally, no matter what a building’s shortcomings, it’s good advice to live with it for a few years rather than “cleaning the place up” by tearing it down as soon as you move. In many cases, such a building turns out to be entirely usable, and after checking on the price of new construction, valuable as well!

But what about the new place carved out of the wilderness or rural subdivision, or “country home” that is being made into productive homesteading land?

Resist the “Barn”

One possibility is to resist thinking in terms of a “barn,” or any central structure.

For example, the family that keeps half a dozen hens for eggs has no need for a farm-size henhouse. There are many excellent plans available for a small chicken coop. Some of them even movable-that will be an attractive and productive addition to any country place, and at a reasonable cost.)

Likewise, a small goat shed will be entirely adequate for the family dairy. (A show or commercial herd might be another matter.) And because goats are much more active than cows, a cow really doesn’t require any more room in a shelter than a couple of goats do.

Two feeder pigs can be handily kept and cared for in a small house with an attached pen, say about 5′ x 7′ for the shelter and 7′ x 10′ for the yard.

While the benefits of hanging wire cages for rabbits have been amply demonstrated, it’s safe to say that more homesteaders raising meat rabbits are using wooden outdoor hutches than in hanging cages in buildings. But even where hanging cages are preferred, they can easily be installed in simple shelters that in mild climates need be little more than a roof and a means of protecting them from the wind.

Waterfowl, being quite messy, should have their own area, but their housing requirements are simple.

Chickens raised for meat are kept only a few months, and normally during the milder ones, so there’s no need to erect elaborate and expensive facilities for them. In fact, if your climate is less than balmy and your broilers need fairly good protection even in spring and summer, and your rabbits need protection in the winter, devise a system whereby you hang the rabbit cages outdoors while the broilers are growing in the house, then bring the rabbits in the house for the winter.

There are many possible designs for all of these small structures, but some thought should be given to compatibility in appearance. That is, the general designs, construction materials, and colors should blend harmoniously so as to provide a pleasing picture to the eye.

Now back to the question of homesteading land layout. Where are all of these structures placed?

One consideration is access. If you’re going to be bringing in 100-pound sacks of feed and pickup loads of hay and straw, and perhaps loading 220-pound pigs to take to the abattoir, you’ll want to be able to drive right up to the pens. While this little animal village might look charming on a grassy expanse bordered by trees and gardens if you can’t get to it with the pickup it probably won’t work.

Another consideration is water. In a mild climate or during the warm season you might be able to run a hose from an outside faucet at the house, even though this is neither attractive nor efficient if you have to move the hose to mow the lawn or you keep tripping over it. A water line should be buried below frost depth. One homesteader changed his planned barnyard location when he realized that the water line would have to go through, or around, the septic system, at considerable expense.

Drainage, exposure to the sun (both too much and too little) and winds (both those that carry odors to the house or neighbors and those that will stress animals) must be considered.

Beyond that, your tiny animal village can be arranged to your personal preference and available resources.

Whether you prefer a quaint village where the buildings border a central square (perhaps paved or graveled), a broad tree-lined avenue, or interesting, narrow twists and turns, you need to plan ahead. Chances are you’ll enjoy your animal village so much, you’ll want to expand it. Don’t let it grow haphazardly, as some human habitations do when you want to add a dovecote or some peafowl.

This last point is one of the factors in favor of a set of individual structures rather than one central barn, particularly for the new homesteader. A barn is rigid. While expansion may be possible, additions generally look tacky and detract from whatever efficiency was designed into the original structure. But no matter what its size, it lacks flexibility.

On the other hand, many people do prefer a central barn, at least after they have some experience and are satisfied with the mix and numbers of animals they’re raising.

It can be easier to design and construct one larger building rather than several smaller ones, and the larger one may be less expensive. To many people, a single building of some size is more attractive than a conglomeration of sheds, pens, and hutches. And there’s no denying that a single structure is more efficient in terms of labor, and furnishing water and power.

It is possible to design a homestead barn that can be rather easily altered as times change. A single structure can be rearranged to house various species and numbers of animals at different times if it’s not constructed with permanent partitions.

Other Components

In most cases, the food handling area is the kitchen, but also in most cases, the modern kitchen falls short of a homestead’s needs. A tiny carpeted alcove with a refrigerator, sink, and microwave is in no way a homestead food processing area. Old-time farmhouse kitchens were actually miniature food processing factories, and so is the modern homestead kitchen. A major requirement is room to work, and to store the many utensils and tools needed. There should be plenty of counter space or a sturdy table where the tomato strainer, cherry pitter, sausage grinder and similar tools can be used conveniently and comfortably.

A carpeted kitchen provides no great joy on homesteading land. An easily cleaned floor is a must as a carpet can be expected to see the juices of fruit and berries, vegetables, garden soil, leaves, blood and the inevitable spilled milk.

Ventilation is more than a luxury, especially when grating horseradish or rendering lard. The ideal country kitchen has cross-ventilation.

As another aspect of space, the kitchen should be large enough so that even with dozens of quarts of newly canned tomatoes on the countertop, the stovetop, and sink cluttered with large kettles, strainers, funnels, baskets, rejects and skins, and other equipment, there is still room to make supper. What a shame it would be to spend a whole day canning to be self-sufficient, and then driving to a fast food chain to eat because there’s no room in the kitchen!

For all of the above reasons, the ideal homestead has a summer kitchen or harvest room. This was a common amenity in the better homes when cooking and canning were done on wood-burning ranges.

The summer kitchen is frequently a separate, small building, containing a stove, plenty of worktop surface and a storage room for equipment and utensils. Ideally, it will have hot and cold running water, but some homesteaders run a hose to the summer kitchen for washing fruits and vegetables.

Your summer kitchen could be a simple screened enclosure that sees occasional use for canning, butchering, soap-making, boiling maple sap or sorghum, but could also serve as a summer living room, shady bug-free place to read, or a place for rainy-day picnics.

Again, the chief requirement is room. If two or more people will be working together, they need room to move. The work surface should be large and sturdy enough to support a side of pork or a beef quarter, with enough room to store the numerous large pots and pans.

In addition, it should be well-ventilated, well-lit, pleasant, and easily cleaned.

Shop/Hobby Area

At its most basic, the homestead shop is a well-equipped, neatly organized specific space where you might repair the garden tiller, refinish a chair, or make a cheese press.

At the other extreme, a homestead inhabited by very handy or mechanically inclined people can be quite elaborate. If you will be repairing (or constructing) farm machinery, furniture or other major projects, your shop might contain a full line of woodworking tools, a welder or an array of small engine or automobile tools.

If your hobby (or business) is music, you might store the guitar in a closet and keep the stereo in the living room. But if you’re really serious, it might be nicer for you (and other family members as well) if you had your own special music room.

The construction and location of the shop or hobby area are perhaps more individualistic than any other component, but it demands consideration.

Business Area

Whether you own a business or not, don’t neglect the office! The productive homestead requires records–data on egg, milk, meat and vegetable production is necessary in order to plug leaks where dollars and cents may be dribbling away. You’ll have breeding, garden, machinery maintenance and maybe even weather records. There will be owner’s manuals on tools and equipment; you’ll accumulate receipts and other financial records.

Your homestead library might be part of your office-catalogs from seed companies, animal supply companies, reference books, and of course your collection of COUNTRYSIDE!

The office need not be elaborate, but it should be inviting, pleasant and efficient-not a seldom-used notebook and shoebox stuffed with receipts. There should be a small filing cabinet or box with room for such things as insurance policies, medical records, household expenses and tax information.

Storage Areas

Is there any home that has enough storage space? Homesteading land is different in that the problem is much more severe! In addition to the normal accumulations of an American family, there must be space for storing a year’s worth of food, firewood, kitchen and garden equipment, animal feed and equipment, etc.

A woodshed is highly desirable. Wood should be cured and properly stored for six months to a year. That can require a considerable amount of space on a small homestead. And it must be accessible to the pickup, trailer or wagon.

Food storage takes several forms. For modern homesteads, the freezer is basic because of its simplicity–many homes have more than one.

Shelf space for home-canned products is essential. A cool, dark basement generally serves well, but an unused closet can also be adapted to store jars in a pinch.

A root cellar requires somewhat more planning, particularly if storing crops with different demands for temperature and humidity. Most modern basements are ill-suited for root cellaring. A separate, outside root cellar might be considered, with its location in relation to the kitchen of great importance on dark and blizzardy winter evenings when a trip to the root cellar can become a major event.

While root cellars are generally cool and damp, grains require a dry environment. Don’t store metal garbage cans of grain on concrete or near a concrete wall. Honey will crystallize in a room that’s too cool (although it can be easily liquefied by gently warming the container in a water bath). Aged cheeses, stored in insect- and rodent-proof but airy cabinets may have varying requirements depending on the variety, but they should not be stored with cabbage, onions and other strong-smelling goods.

Kitchen-related equipment might logically be stored in the kitchen or harvest room, but the harvest room is much more convenient.

A garden shed is a welcome addition to any homesteading land, and tools get better care when the shed is handy and convenient. When the serious gardener has a tiller and an assortment of hoes, rakes, shovels, forks and other tools, proper storage requires more than just a corner of the garage, which will more than likely end up in clutter. Clutter almost always inhibits productivity, and it certainly interferes with both efficiency and pleasure.

A garden shed can also provide a place to start or harden off plants; to transplant; and to store items such as flats, pots, potting soil, gloves, string, stakes, etc. A roomy, well-designed garden shed is a delight to any gardener, but it can also be justified by the increased efficiency it will bring to the productive homesteading land.

For homesteads with tractors and other farm-size machinery, a machine shed is a must. The size and amount of machinery will naturally dictate the size, and to some degree, the location of this structure. The machine shed may house a tractor, plow, manure spreader and more. Or it might house little more than the chainsaw, wedge, and sledge. But it will still take space not provided for in the average homesite.

Animal feed storage can take up considerable room, and therefore construction dollars. If you purchase feed in small quantities, grain and pellets can be stored in metal garbage cans in the barn, and a few bales of hay can be stacked where animals (including dogs) won’t be able to reach them.

But if you put up a year’s supply of hay, it will require more space than the animals themselves. If you grow or glean a year’s supply of corn, a corn crib will be necessary; and proper storage facilities will be required if you grow other grains such as oats or barley.

The picture-perfect homesteading land might be viewed as a small village. Whereas the simple “country home” may be nothing more than a house and garage, the productive homesteading land is a complex network of buildings and functions.

Now, tie it all together. Plan it as you might a house or even the layout of a single room. Using graph paper and cutouts of the features and buildings you intend to incorporate into your homestead, lay it all out on paper. (The closer to scale it is, the easier it will be to envision the actuality.)

Sketch in features that are already in the place — the house, buildings, roads, ditches, trees and slopes, and anything else already there that you don’t want to move including homestead fencing. Also bear in mind the location of the well, water lines, septic systems and underground electric, telephone or cable lines.

Place your cutouts where you think you want them: remember to think of drainage, shade, and shadows during the course of the day (and throughout the year), where the snow piles up, and which way the winds blow.

Envision what it would be like to actually live and work on your paper homestead. Imagine the paths you’ll wear between one function and the next. Think of getting in and out of work areas with a truck, trailer or four-wheeler. Where will you turn around? If the goats or pigs get out will they immediately enter the garden or is there some type of buffer zone?

Don’t forget play areas, of course. It may be a place for a swing set and sandbox, a wading pool, a badminton net, or an inground pool or hot tub and a place to grill those great steaks your steer is going to provide.

Don’t make any hasty decisions. Move the pieces around to see how any changes might affect the efficiency, workflow, and appearance of your homesteading land.

Then, you’re ready to begin. . . but it is only the beginning!

All this work and planning will pay off in several ways. First, what you end up with might not be perfect, but it will almost certainly be closer to perfection than it would be if you started without a plan. It will make your homestead more efficient, more productive, more fun to live and work on. It will make allowances for expansion and for changes in plans or direction.

But perhaps most of all, it will help you set goals. You’ll have something to work toward, and every time you complete another segment of the master plan, you’ll have something to be truly proud of.

You might never complete the homestead of your ideals (if only because with a comprehensive plan, things will go so smoothly you’ll make still more ambitious plans!) but you’ll almost certainly enjoy your homestead — and homesteading — a great deal more than if you just putter along.

Good luck!

Originally published in Countryside January / February 2002 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

  Designing Your Ideal Homesteading Land was originally posted by All About Chickens