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beautifulsnake2162020 · 1 year

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Beautiful Anomaly (Part 8): Morpheus x FReader (Final Chapter for the story)

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Morpheus x FemReader (present day, its a little hard to explain)

A couple of disclaimers:

1.) This is all based on the Netflix show and I have 0 background on the graphic novel it is based on (so don't expect it to be faithful);

2.) This is a fan work, the only benefit I derive from this is sharing it with the community.

AN: I would like to say thank you to everyone who has liked, read, and commented on this fic. This is the shortest chapter among the series but I hope you'll nevertheless enjoy it. Part 9 will be the steamy nsfw scenes that are only implied here (this is Safe For Work since I don't want to sacrifice the story to those who wouldn't be comfortable with NSFW scenes).

Btw if you're planning on reading the crossover spin-off fic "Higher Intervention" which is mainly in the House of the Dragons universe with Sandman elements. There is a spoiler/hint at the end of who FemReader is. If you don't want to know who it is, don't read beyond the line "It's the rise of a new era."

For those of you who are new. I highly recommend reading the previous parts first because I don’t know if you will understand everything without first reading those.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4/ Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7

Tagging for the last time (If you want to still be tagged for the NSFW chapter please comment below): @winxschester @true-queen-of-mischief @laydreams @memento-mora @daydreamin1220 @kuchokitty @fate-huntress @igotanidea @mikariell95 @seninjakitey

"This is almost unexpected." Morpheus says as he helps you set up your dinner after arriving earlier than expected.

"Think of it as an ice breaker of some kind." You finally lay down the last of the food that you've made earlier. It was on the simple but hearty side. Pomodoro pasta with fresh tomato sauce and basil topped with parmesan cheese; Homemade Garlic bread; Deep fried Calamari sprinkled with some herbs that you have; and for the beverages you place the large carafe of Lipton's lemon flavored iced tea, and another carafe of water.

"We've known each other for awhile."

"You say that and yet it seemed that there are still some parts of you that I have yet to discover. Besides almost all dates start with a meal of some kind." He smiles at that as the two of you seat across each other.

"This is mainly a meal for yourself."

"And I took the effort to not be lazy and cook enough for both of us. You can't refuse and place my efforts to waste." He gives you a smirk with a raised eyebrow.

"You took the effort to make sure I actually eat."

"That's generally the idea, yes. Go on." Shaking his head in amusement he places some of the calamari on his plate as you mix the pasta and the sauce, before taking some and placing it on your plate.

"I know compared to the food in the dreaming, this pales in comparison. But I do hope my efforts satisfy you." He takes some large bites of the calamari, finishing his share in brief time.

"You shall be glad to know that I am more than satisfied." He takes some pasta and the garlic bread.

"Oh thank you."

"And contrary to what you believe, it is at par with what the dreaming serves."

"Really?" You raise an eyebrow. Doubt evident in your expression.

"Yes. I am just reminded that the real food satisfies urges that I have forgotten."

"Nourishment satisfies physiological urges so that people may be able to satisfy urges of less physical needs."

"Such as companionship."

"Yes, and the urge to create, the urge to consume stories."

"Almost everything has a story."

"But not everything has to be a story told."

"True, but all stories have some sort of purpose. Whether it's simply to entertain or for something else."

"Like putting me to sleep and leading me to the dreaming?" He couldn't help but smile at this.

"Exactly."

After briefly cleaning up and vigorously washing the dishes. You prepare yourself for the actual date. Morpheus waits in your bedroom as you change in the bathroom. Normally you wouldn't mind simply having him turn around as you change into your sleepwear. But this was just the first date even though you've known him longer than any of your lovers. And you would rather the two of you had a sturdier foundation to build your romantic relationship from. Other things can wait.

You dress in a cotton long-sleeved shift. Not something that people would think of as sexy, but you wanted to be comfortable. Besides, if he had any issue with you dressing more for comfort than for seduction, then he was probably had high hopes for tonight.

"I'm ready." He takes a seat as you settle in your bed. And soon you fell asleep to the sound of his voice lulling you to sleep.

And soon you find yourself in an unfamiliar part of the dreaming. You were in a location that was reminiscent of Venice at a time when gondolas were still the main means of travel. The sun was setting and you could understand how it made the scene so romantic.

"You just can't help yourself can you?"

"I have catered it to your liking. I assure you it is still rather intimate, just as you requested." He steps into an empty gondola and picks up the rowing oar before he lends a hand to you. Feeling giddy you take it and you step into the gondola. Once you were inside, you settle yourself on front of him. And it was then that you realize that it was a modified gondola and was reminiscent of the boat used by the Phantom and Christine to travel into his lair. It was downright luxurious with velvet lining and pillows. And much like the show, it had enough room for two and could double as a bed comfortably.

"You got inspiration from my favorite musical?"

"Yes, among many things that you liked." His voice was lighter and yet still proud about his work.

"Are there rising candelabras later?"

"Maybe next time. I promised to err on the side of comfort and intimacy."

"Well thank you for respecting my wishes."

The journey allowed you to pass by gorgeous sites. In the sky the stars have begun to come out and street lamps show the various people living their lives. Close enough to give you an idea of what they're doing, yet far enough to still allow them some privacy.

"I recall when you were a high priest for Ek Chuah that you enjoyed watching people from afar in the temple. When I asked about it back then if it was similar to my position, you explained that it was something else." He says in a gentler almost affectionate tone. Nostalgia brings you back to that lifetime.

You had just finished the sacrificial offerings to Ek Chuah on front of the populace. Contrary to what some people believe right now, part of your training was to show no malice towards the people who were prepared as offerings. It was well understood that it is a task that no one would volunteer for. Those who had volunteered for it, those who were actively seeking death in the guise of a self-offering were not worthy of being offerings at all. People from either your own or from captured prisoners who wanted to live, who wanted to thrive, were what made them the ideal offerings. Colonial Spaniards later on would think the Aztec people, a newer civilization and culture from the seeds of your Mayan culture, thought that those who were wailing about not being offered on the altar despite them being set free simplified them to be bizarre suicidal people. When really it was about respecting the faith and the preparations made for them to be offered. To not follow through with the offering was taboo, and a risk no one was willing to take.

He appeared by your side disguised as a fellow priest as the two of you look out from the temple. You don't know how long the two of you talked, but when he had to leave, it was about to be dawn, and you had yet to sleep.

"I remembered how puzzled you were that I seemed to enjoy watching people live out their lives. You sometimes watched me do it in my previous lifetimes that you thought it was to simply observe."

"There was a spark that seemed to grow and dim in a pattern I have yet to discover. And it made me curious enough that I needed to know more from you." You briefly hold on to the sides of the boat as he made a turn to the left.

"What I said back then is still true now. I enjoy watching people live out their lives because there are so many possibilities of living life that even with the many lifetimes I lived, I still will not be able to experience everything and anything. I still don't know the nuances of how cobblers make shoes, though I can appreciate watching them work and the product that comes. I still don't know what a teenage boy is whispering to a teenage girl that made her laugh, even though I have a guess as to what it is and have been in both their places. There is just so much possibility, and yet it ironically is also follows a similar pattern no matter where I am born in."

"I remember being startled that you don't just simply use your ability to read the conscious minds of the people you were curious about. But then you explained the intricacies of doing that while you are still mortal and not in your Intangible form."

"I also don't like unnecessarily reading other's minds. They deserve the privacy to actually think whatever their minds want no matter how much I agree, disagree, or any other reaction I may have. If they cannot be themselves in the place that they cannot escape from, then how are they to really know who they are? Even if it is a vague idea of what their true selves may be."

Morpheus makes a right turn before finally stopping at a port where he gets off first before helping you step onto the marble floor. It was only then that you realize that your dress was a more walk friendly version of Christine Daae's white night robe from the show. Made of silk and lace and yet it was so soft and comfortable that you barely noticed it on your skin.

"Is this going to be you singing Music of the Night?" He smiles, his expression lighthearted as you take his arm as he leads you through the streets.

"My equivalent of that perhaps. Originally I was going to treat you to foods that you have been missing for awhile. But since you are still full and you enjoy simply walking around, we shall be taking a longer route to your area in the dreaming." You couldn't help but smile at that as you allow him to lead the way.

"May I ask, did it ever occur to you that simply asking me or telling me would suffice?"

"About humanity or how I felt about you?"

"Both. Some things may have been prevented, some words never said, some misunderstandings cut in the bud."

"Would you believe me if I told you that looking back now, my pride and my ego may have blinded me and contributed to my mistakes." You take a sigh.

"Back then, maybe not. But now-now that Desire has shown me that I too am at the mercy of my own insecurities when it comes to you...perhaps."

"Of all the possible beings."

"They are living up to their name and domain. Even you can't deny that they are right in this instance."

"After they endangered you and risk ending all life in this world and possibly beyond?"

"This instance meaning when we confronted them. Not their actions forcing our confrontation with them. That being said, I could understand their reasons for taking that risk when it comes to the two of us. I'm not blind that they still want to harm you or to bring your ego down. But they were right to be concerned about what it might mean for the Universe if we didn't resolve this."

"Still, I would have appreciated alternative means for us to be where we are now."

The two of you pass by what appeared to be the dreaming's version of Café Van Gogh, only instead of being a still painting, it was animated and teaming with people going in and out and dining in the outdoor tables.

"They are other dreamers, those who have dreamed about dining in the famous Café Van Gogh."

"Can they see us?"

"If they choose to. Otherwise we are simply a couple of bystanders simply passing through their dreams."

"Hmm maybe on our next or succeeding date I would like to dine with you there."

"I shall take that into consideration."

"Out of curiosity, are there any sites or anything you want to do? I don't want to be the only one to have preferences on how we spend our time together."

The two of you take a turn to the right. A slightly quieter area but nevertheless still lively with a bunch of dreamers, their dream companions and some minor nightmares making mischief on their assigned targets.

"In all honesty, I truly am satisfied with simply having dinner with you. I find myself more satisfied from our conversations than anything I could simply conjure in the dreaming."

"Or - maybe you just aren't aware of what your own preferences are having served all beings capable of dreaming for awhile now that you neglected your own self."

"I was not aware that I was also receiving guidance from you."

"I couldn't help myself, I apologize."

"I - I do not mind if you enlighten me more. It seems I feel more receptive to such guidance from you." You couldn't help but make a small chuckle.

"Considering our history together, maybe we could benefit from enlightening each other."

"You? Being enlightened by me? When it is from you that my dreams are constituted and formed?"

"Have you forgotten how I worried that it was my fault that I couldn't save you? You enlightened me with how I aided you in your escape."

"And I wouldn't forget it soon."

"My point Morpheus, is that it turns out we actually benefit from each other." Your heart lightened as he couldn't help but chuckle. Sincerity in his voice as you knew he could see your point.

For the rest of the walk the two of you drift into conversations about how perhaps your domains have long influenced each other and are perhaps more interconnected than just simple influence. The conversation then branched out to various topics, him and his initial thoughts on art, the two of you then debating if art is the best midpoint of bringing dreams into reality.

"In the lifetimes where I was allowed to develop my skills as an artist, I remember being so frustrated that plenty of times my work no matter how praised and favored it was, was still less than how I imagined it to be. It's almost as if however I have imagined it, it was for mine alone and my work was the best I could to share it with others."

"And yet it is also those works that last longer than some of your lifetimes and have gone on to inspire others in their own dreams. I consider that a great compromise for not being able to share the way you have imagined it to be."

"We all want what we can't have. I still find myself mourning over those lost imaginations that seem to leave so quickly once they feel they have served their purpose. Some leave more quickly more than others, some linger for awhile only for me to wake up and suddenly realize that they have already left."

"I feel the same. Not simply about imaginations and thoughts but also some relationships, some things that I realize have simply escaped me."

"Such as connections with humanity?"

"Rather my own misconceptions of humanity."

You find yourself now at the door to your own deceptively small cottage in the dreaming. It was larger inside than what it looks on the outside. Similar to the houses Cain and Abel occupied with goldie, but more to your liking.

"Am I supposed to let go of you now?"

"Should you wish it." His tone was light, his face is neutral, but you could tell that he too didn't want it to end just yet.

"Then" you turn to face him, looking into the eyes that was capable of showing the universe, and a lot more.

"Would it be selfish of me to request you stay until I awake?" His lips turn upwards as he goes closer to you.

"It is a request that would also fulfill my own selfish desire." Smiling at him, you take his hand as you guide him inside.

The two of you spend the rest of the evening at each other's side by the fireplace. You laying your head on his shoulder as the two of you softly talk. It was what you wanted. Intimacy.

Soon you feel yourself beginning to awaken. Not yet but soon.

"Before I awaken, I'm glad how this date went." You feel him gently caress your head.

"I hope I had complied with your wishes."

"It did. It's funny how nervous I was yesterday morning. Finally we go on a romantic date, and yet I was nervous about how it will turn out. When I should've known that time seems to pass by whenever we start talking."

"Your feelings were mutual. I have made so many mistakes trying to be closer to you. I feared that one of the nightmares might secretly interfere and ruin this. Only to realize that we share our desire for intimacy." You look up at him as you feel yourself finally awaken.

"Thank you for this Morpheus."

"Thank you. Enjoy your Sunday."

You awaken with a refreshed feeling and a smile on your face. The next date you two had was in the waking world this time it was your turn to show him around. The setting was still on what you would call as the wholesome intimate side. Which mainly was eating dinner at a restaurant then relaxing in your favorite café, or rather you were eating dark chocolate macademia cookies and every now and then you were sipping Moroccan Mint tea.

In between dates was your informal guidance of him and his thoughts. You made it a rule never to have them on the same day and to have one day at the very least in between them. Not only was this to balance out your new relationship but to also help build the foundation for a longer term relationship that would be viable beyond one lifetime.

He had become more involved with interacting with your domain. You would of course send him back to the Dreaming when you felt he needed to return to his work and not neglect the dreams of all. A task that hung around your head as you recall the consequences of his imprisonment by Burgess.

Eventually he had revealed that he had managed to create an alias for himself in order to continue your courtship in the waking world.

"You chose Rizmon as your last name?" You couldn't help but smirk at this as you view some of the legal documents he gave you to check.

"Is it too unusual?"

"No, but I'm wondering why you didn't just go with Oneiros or ēdrurys?"

"Oneiros might give me away. Ēdrurys sounds to fantastical to be real. Rizmon at least has some believability in both the spelling and its sound."

"For someone who is the embodiment of Dream I have to say this is pretty uncreative of you. Simply translating 'sand' in High Valyrian?"

"Not enough people know about High Valyrian yet and there is plausible deniability of it even then. Rizmon sounds similar to many real life last names such as Desmond."

"I'm rather impressed that you are able to have an occupation that coincides with what you actually do. Mr. Morpheus Rizmon, mysterious investor of the media production company 'Heightened minds'. Headquarters not too far away from a magical community hub and is accessible to mine and Emira's school. Are there actual people in this company or are they just some of your dreams and nightmares?"

"There are actual people involved, yes. It is mainly run by those in the magical community who wish to be involved in the entertainment industry. Mainly with content production such as books, articles, films, and other media that are consumed. Sam's family is the major investor of it as I'm sure he has told you. I just have this position as an excuse to have an occupation."

"Are you actually being paid though?"

"Technically it's paid to your bank account since I don't want to deal with such matter."

"...we might as well open a joint account just to be sure. Otherwise banks might think there is suspicious activity with my account."

"Very well, though it may not be necessary."

"I'd rather have things that I can explain rather than face the penalty of what I couldn't in court."

A question suddenly occurs to you.

"By any chance -?"

"From what I know we are still working on a collaboration with SB19."

"...I projected my question into you didn't I?" He chuckles softly before he fades away back into the dreaming as you make yourself lunch.

Each succeeding date you both had became less of a source of stress and more of a stress reliever for both of you. It almost reminded you of the times when either of you previously intentionally sought each other either in the Dreaming or in the waking world just for a chat.

"Is it odd that I feel how relieved that it is surprisingly familiar? It almost felt like any one of our ordinary meetings but now...now I'm more than aware of our mutual feelings for each other."

"No, it isn't." Death says as she takes a sip from her metal straw of the lemon iced tea you've made. You two were currently in the dining room of your apartment a few days after the Saturday night date.

"Maybe it's because I'm biased, but I was massively relieved when I heard that you two were finally going to be dating and this more than a millenia of mutual pining will finally be resolved."

"Hey - in my defense I didn't know it was mutual up until recently."

"The point is that whatever type of unresolved tension between the two of you is slowly being resolved. The fact that the two of you are now communicating more than ever is promising. As long as the two of you don't become complacent and continually work on your now romantic bond, then I don't see what's the problem." She gives you a knowing mischievous look as you find yourself smiling.

"I don't know if it's because we are currently on the honeymoon stage, but I am thankful that the familiarity in our relationship still allows me to argue with him and him actually rebutting me. I used to be more nervous that he would let any arguments we've had affect our relationship. But to my surprise, he understood that sometimes an argument is just an exchange of ideas."

"A sometimes passionate exchange of ideas."

"You're being weird he's your brother."

"I'm just teasing, I will be hard at work on my duties during times you two want to be intimate."

"Much appreciated dear sister." Morpheus appears to your side from the living area.

"Oh Dream, come to steal away my best friend?" Death says still in the same mischievous and lighthearted voice.

"You were informed before hand that I will be arriving in the early evening. It is no fault of mine that you've lost tract of time."

"Oh and this is the thanks I get for helping the two of you progress in your relationship."

"If by helping you mean persistently tell me to tell him my thoughts then thank you."

"And I'm off. Enjoy your first anniversary you two." She walks out the door leaving you alone with Morpheus.

"Shall we?"

"Let me just get my bag."

"You won't need to worry about anything. I have made some adequate preparations."

"Still, it never hurts to be prepared."

You are transported through his sand into what was clearly in a place opposite your time zone. You weren't sure if this was in the morning or the afternoon but the sun was still on the sky here.

"Where are we?"

"Look carefully." He whispers as he gently turns you around and you see a beautiful yet homely Inn. It was only when you saw the road sign and some familiar landmarks that you finally realize where you were.

"The Inn where I stayed in?! When you were still captured?!"

"It was renovated under new ownership. I managed to get us a private room with a view for a day and an evening."

"So that's why you wanted to make sure that I was both alone and had no prior engagement."

"And that no one wouldn't miss you for a while. Or not beyond reasonable."

"I hope you paid them or at least that you have generously compensated them."

"Worry not. I have paid them in advance using my one of my aliases here."

"Then as long as they are generously compensated I can allow myself to relax."

He leads you to a room in the second floor. Not quite the same as the last time you were here. But given how you died in that lifetime, you were glad for that change.

You enter the room. It was a gorgeous yet intimate suite. The colors are light and they are complemented by bold lines that made the room dynamic but not losing its comfort and intimacy. There was a window bed by the window large enough for one person to sleep in or to serve as a couch. The bed was made of understated but luxurious fabric. Genuine silk for the sheets underneath and the duvet is made of velvet.

"I need to ask, of all the places you could've brought me...why here?"

"It was here that my creation was responsible for your death. And to some degree I felt I too was indirectly responsible for it. I am aware now that such line of thinking if uncontrolled would only lead to more unnecessary pain. And so I felt that I should take you here on our anniversary to make new memories to replace the ones that lead to pain."

You take a seat on the window bed and he rolls the dining table on front of you as he takes a seat across you.

"I guess we have Jessamy to thank for where we are now. She always thought we were eventually going to be a couple. It used to annoy me since I thought you didn't reciprocate my feelings."

"Reminiscing now, perhaps had I been more honest of my own...or my awareness of your feelings, perhaps things may have been different."

"Probably. But a part of me is glad of our rather tumultuous journey here. We both needed help changing. And maybe the fates have seen that this was the best outcome for us."

"Don't mention the three at this time. They have done a lot." You could tell by his tone that he was teasing. Had it been anyone else they may not have recognized it as teasing at all.

"Well they have their own design and are privy more than any of us to the contents of Destiny's book. I still have yet to understand the relationship of those three with him."

"I've learned that there are some things that are best not to inquire. If we were meant to know then the Universe itself would've allowed us such knowledge."

He stands up and gets a bottle of pink champagne from the ice bucket and disposed of the now melted ice from two champagne flutes.

"I remember my own encounter with your former partner Sam." You raise an eyebrow at this as you slice yourself a slice of the apple pie.

"Oh? What did he say?"

"In essence that he would find some way to hurt me if I ever intentionally harmed you. He doesn't care that I am the embodiment of dreams. He cares deeply for you, which at first I was uncertain if it would affect our relationship." He hands you one of the flutes as he clears away the empty plates into a dining tray for dish washing.

"But then?"

"Then I saw him move on with another. And yet I could tell by his dreams that you still hold a deep platonic place in his heart."

"I'm not surprised, we mistook our deep bond for something romantic when it turns out we were just scared of never experiencing it in our lifetimes that we tried to turn our friendship into something else forcefully."

"It was then that I felt relief. And yet I was ashamed momentarily for feeling uncertain about my place with you when I know that if someone else has caught your eye, you would tell me." You reach for his hand across the table as you feel the otherworldly energy on his fingers play with the flow of your own fingertips. The spark that had only dimmed but never left.

"Feelings and thoughts are just that feelings or thoughts. Not all of them define who you are but rather what you do with them."

"And with your help I have improved on managing that." His thumb brushes along your skin. It was so gentle that there was no room to hide the spark of energy that he was stimulating you with.

"None of us are perfect. All we could do is to continue to improve and adapt to whatever changes may happen." You see the love in his eyes, relief, joy, pain, despair, faith, hope among other things that love reaches. Some say that love has no place in dreams. To a certain degree there was truth in that. Love is a verb, a need to act. Love has no place in dreams because to love is to act. And to truly love, it cannot take place in dreams or in the dreaming alone.

Love encompasses all of the Endless.

He takes your hand and guides you to stand.

"I have something for you." He takes a black corded necklace with his sigil as a pendant.

Oh my

Oh the fates

OH THE UNIVERSE.

"Morpheus" Your eyes start tearing up with tears of joy.

"Life, the beautiful anomaly of the universe...will you take me as your spouse and consort? A year by human standards may be too fast. But I have never felt more certain. I will wait till you are ready to marry. For you are worth the wait to become my Queen. I know not what the future holds, but I want to face it with you by my side." The significance of the gift was not lost on you.

With his sigil around your neck you wouldn't need the gallery to call him. It would create a bond stronger than any of the other Endless. With his helm against your skin...the intimacy it implied...the responsibility you would have as consort to the Dreaming in addition to your own responsibilities of the Endless...

And that he was not in a rush and would wait for you to be ready to formally marry.

"Yes." And before you knew it your eyes were closed, you were in his embrace, and your lips were against his. It was slow, sensual, both of you savoring the moment of your commitment to each other.

He releases your lips to let you breathe while he rests his forehead against yours. Your eyes meet and his expression mirrors yours. One filled with joy and hope.

"I can't believe it."

"Then allow me to place it on your person." You put your finger against his lips. A sign to let you speak.

"I can't believe that we had the same idea." You chuckle as you see the surprise on his face as you bring out a pouch from your handbag. In the small pouch was something worth more to you than all other types of rings that existed in this world. Two months before this day you found a metal rose ring from a jewelry store. You bought it and had since been giving some of your power to the ring with the hopes of giving it to Morpheus tonight.

You knew he was ready to commit when in your recent formal guidance sessions he not only actively sought help from you but also from Nadia. You were there as he made his confessions to her as you stood by for moral support. You knew he was ready when he wasn't afraid to tell you of his insecurities and was ready to be vulnerable around you.

You knew you were ready when you placed necessary boundaries to have time for yourself. You knew you were ready when you find yourself no longer thinking that the risks of being with him would be the only outcome of what a marriage with him could be.

You knew you were ready when you found yourself filled with hope among the doubts and insecurities you had, and will have.

You just felt ready. No words could truly describe how you know. Language just became so insufficient.

You lift the ring from the pouch.

"This seems redundant now but I'm not taking any chances." His expression is still one of disbelief.

"Dream of the Endless, would you be my spouse and consort?"

"Yes."

Once again his lips were on yours. Both of you deepening the kiss as he guides you to the bed. You two part as you both take a seat at the edge.

"I believe we should have our own little game to properly exchange our sigils."

"Let me make sure we are uninterrupted first." He takes all the dirty plates in the same tray and pulls the cord summoning a bell boy to take it to the dish washer. Afterwards he pours the Pink Champagne to the flutes and hands one to you.

"To our engagement."

Glasses clink as the two of you share a drink. You felt pleasure in your mouth as the bubbles tickle their way down in your throat. The empty flutes are then placed on the dining room.

"Should I start or you?"

"Allow me beloved."

You turn around as he unclasps the necklace.

"I Dream of the Endless, bestow my power upon this sigil worn by my consort, Life incarnate. She shall share in my responsibilities to the Dreaming and to dreams. I surrender to her what is mine, for our partnership to each other, to the realm, and to the Universe. Till the end of time."

You feel the power in his sigil as it settles on the area just above your cleavage area. Your senses were heightened as you could still feel his breath by your ear and his fingertips on your nape.

Now it was your turn.

You turn to face him as you lift his non-dominant hand.

"Which finger would you like me to place it on?"

"The ring finger would do." You straighten your back as you take his hand.

"I Life Incarnate, bestow my power upon this sigil worn by my consort, Dream of the Endless. He shall share in my responsibilities to the Waking world and to life. I surrender to him what is mine, for our partnership to each other, to the realm, and to the Universe. Till the end of time."

You slip the ring on his finger, and you could feel him sense the power now radiating from your sigil on his hand.

The two of you spent the rest of the time celebrating before he carried you back into your apartment.

You couldn't help but offer your gratitude to the Universe as you lay your head on his shoulder as the sun rises from your window.

It's the rise of a new era.

"You all know the rest." You say as you take a sip of ambrosia gifted to you by Calliope.

"Wow - so you and father being a couple is a new thing?" Knowledge, your son, the middle child and older twin of his brother Imagination says in disbelief.

"How could-How could you not have told each other that you loved each other?"

"Sensuality dear, have you met your father?" You laugh as she still has her jaw dropped open in disbelief. Your second child however was still in disbelief at your story.

"You know what" Connectivity the youngest says as she begins to stand up from the picnic blanket.

"That actually explains why Uncle Destruction and Aunty Death likes teasing father and being overly dramatic that it took him more than a millennia just to confess to mo -Ah"

"CONNECTIVITY!" Vitality, your eldest child and near carbon copy of your recent physical form was able to catch Connectivity before she fell over on her back.

"Be careful sister, you just died in your human lifetime. It takes awhile to get used to our intangible forms."

"I thought it was supposed to be easier? Especially here in the Dreaming."

"Hahahaha easy she says. I don't know about all of you, I was able to settle in pretty quickly."

"Oh shut up Imagination, nobody wants you bragging how you are a natural at it."

"Sensuality, he's the personification of Imagination what else did you expect from my twin?"

"Children." They all calm down with you uttering just one word.

"Vitality dear, how was your meeting with Destiny?"

"He just gave me a brief background of the experiment bestowed upon him by his book. He says I could still take my time thinking if I should accept it since the 'canon' events that lead up to the historical version of the Dance of Dragons are still currently happening. I won't be needed until about 50 to 100 years yet."

"In the meantime she'll be here with us. Practicing and honing your powers as you build your own realms." Morpheus says as he sits beside you and you lean your head on his shoulder.

"Wait dad - how did you punish Mark Gal Lanes for what he did to mom?"

"Well Connectivity, you could say both your mother and I played a part here in the dreaming. For a period of time, he was only ever a snake in his dreams. That was the only choice I left him."

"And then I was in the form of a King Cobra. I think you can guess what happens next."

"Oh OH." Knowledge's eyes widen in both horror and astonishment.

"MOM YOU ATE HIM!" Sensuality couldn't help but scream out her shock.

"Well I treated him as a toy first then I ate him as slowly as I can so he will feel himself being digested by me."

"And this happened for how long?"

"About three weeks, Vitality. I considered making a permanent nightmare version of your mother's King Cobra form but then your Aunt, Death says that his time was near and that I and your mother have made our point and received our revenge."

As your children gather around the two of you with your head on his shoulder and his arm placing you in his embrace. You couldn't help but feel satisfied. It turns out as a consequence of being a consort to the realm of the Dreaming, another change entered your life. Instead of only constantly being in the Waking World, you were allowed more freedom to choose when you wanted to re-enter your domain in a mortal form. It was refreshing being in your immortal form for longer than a few years or decades. It was nice having a break, even if it's only just briefly.

Yes, you were satisfied indeed.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Once again I would like to thank everyone who has been with me on this journey. This is the end of the story for Beautiful Anomaly with Part 9 being the nsfw scenes that are implied here so that those who don't want to read the sex scenes won't have to endure it.

#Beautiful Anomaly #morpheus #dream of the endless #the sandman #Morpheus x reader #morpheus x fem!reader #Dream x reader #dream x fem!reader #Morpheus x you #Morpheus x y/n #Dream x you #Dream x y/n #Final chapter #for the story part #Dream x Life

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neonun-au · 3 years

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im the anon who sent the ask about "fanfic culture" & i agree with everything. tbh i've talked about this at length with same-age friends (hags solidarity btw lmao) & i think a large part of why i'm so confused by what's happening is bc when i started reading fanfic i knew writers owed me literally NOTHING. and for the most part fanfic writers existed to me in a detached way. they were just strangers who wrote something i liked to read & that's ALL i knew about them. now with content creators they're like cemented as a figure in their small pocket of fandom & if u follow their works it also comes with their personal drama, like pseudo-celebrities. one time i wanted to add more stuff to my about me so i tried to get ideas from other blogs & i remember thinking "wow you put out all this info for everyone to see?" i just couldn't see any info that strangers on the internet should know about me other than my age and my pronouns. (and i only ever put my age bc some users would rather not interact with me given how old i am, which is another thing entirely LOL.) it's such a strange development and i'm not sure how to adjust or even IF i should adjust to it.

Oh yeah 100%. It is strange that there has been this switch from fanfic writers to like "just this url that puts out stories that i like" and now like...pseudo-celebrities is definitely the right word hahah And one hand hand I love the interaction and stuff that comes along with that shift, but on the other it is very bizarre lol Like before you would just be like "oh im reading this story but use blueyeswhitedrgn2034" and you didn't know anything at all about them beyond that username and then all of a sudden they would just abandon their series midway through and you were like....okay. Gotta move on I guess lol Like it was all very temporal. Which was nice and sort of freeing in a way lol Like 0 expectations at all

I don't think there is any need to adjust to it, personally, tbh haha Like in terms of writing I have adjusted in the sense of the tagging system and warnings and stuff before putting out a fic (when I wrote anime ff I literally put nothing at all because the website i was on was not really built for that and I just wrote drabbles anyway so it didn't matter) but beyond that I'm like...nah

I do tend to overshare anyway, like when people ask me things I will give them answers and stuff but I will literally never bother with an about me or a carrd or anything cause like...no one needs immediate access to things like that about me, you know?

#hag solidarity !!!#replies #anon

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wakaoujisenhime · 3 years

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top 10 posts of 2020

tagged by: @shoutogepi thanks Rosie for the tag *muah*

So first off, I’d like to wish everybody a happy new year, let’s hope that this one is going to treat us all better than the previous one... I’m holding off on saying too much since I have a long appreciation post in the making...

generated with this site

tagging: @prismaintales ; @iwaasfairy ; @meximorrita ; @mirakumiruku ; @reddriot ; @lirinstaalem ; @hawks-senseis (and anyone else who’d like to praticipate! also feel free to skip this if you don’t want to or have done it already!)

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

① Kaeya & Diluc images: I’m not even surprised with this xD I’m still getting notifications of people liking/reblogging these! I actually stumbled upon those images while reading the Genshin manga and I just wanted to share my surprised thoughts concerning these particular panels with the fandom, glad to see that we all seem to agree that they look great.

② Down below - Kirishima x reader: I’m actually surprised that this has gotten so many likes...thank you guys ❤ This story was my first attempt at a longer fic and also served as my first contribution to the BNHA bookclub, so a big thanks to those of you who read and enjoyed it!

③ The reader’s sacrifice for Eri pt. 2: This was but an idea from an anon who just wanted some angst with the reader sacrificing themself for Eri since both of them have similar quirks but of course, I went the longer route and this kinda blew up much to my surprise. and before I forget, the same anon requested a happy ending for each featured character, so just a little heads-up from me that the scenarios have been drafted out!

④ Kita appreciation №3: ...it’s as the title suggests, I watched the lastest hq episode and took a screenshot at my favorite Kita moment. Glad to see that one of these made it to the top 5, cause this cutie deserves some love and hugs ❤

⑤ I promise - Kirishima x reader: This was a small present for Red, the person who motivated me to start this entire blog. I was really happy as she said that she liked it and completely surprised that so many others liked it too so thank you once again ❣ btw thanks to everyone who reached out to me saying that someone had done a fic-reading of this piece on youtube, I am aware of it and don’t mind it being on there as long as the person mentioned the author aka. me (^∀^*)

⑥ It’s a secret - Shinsou x reader: A small drabble of Shinsou teasing the reader for liking him, a cute idea which was created in my kitchen as I ate breakfast...I’m truly surprised what an effect my cornflakes had on this fic O.o

⑦ For you, my lord - Bakugou x reader: This fic right here is perhaps the one I am most proud of. It’s a heavy angst scenario featuring Bakugou and a little bit of Kirishima in the alternative universe of the samurais. I really enjoy Japanese-themed scenarios and am really thankful for Morgan who featured it in my BNHA bookclub BINGO card.

⑧ Controlled shocks - Kaminari x reader: Ok so I’m truly surprised that this is my most liked 18+ scenario :0 I actually expected this to flop since I rarely came across any fans of Kaminari’s, but you guys sure proved me wrong...on the other hand, I’m actually really proud of the banner I made for this one ✨

⑨ The reader’s sacrifice for Eri pt. 1: I didn't know that both parts were going to make it into my top 10, but would you look at that! Happy to see that this idea was so well received, a big thanks to the anon who requested it! ♡

⑩ Kirishima & Tetsu having a crush on reader with cat quirk: These are actually two separate scenarios and I’m really thrown aback by the fact that so many people liked it! But I had fun thinking of those and judging by the lack of criticism concerning the cat-like personality I gave the reader means I managed to pull it off somewhat decent!

——

Now that’s what I call a trip down memory lane...some of these are quite surprising, but all things considered I am truly grateful for the amount of support I've received throughout this year!

Thank you all!! (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ❤

#━𝙰𝙿𝙿𝚁𝙴𝙲𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝚂𝙲𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙼𝚂

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lightaroundthecorner · 4 years

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TROS - What did I even watch? Or how I lived to see the day Disney murdered a prince, left Cinderella alone in the desert, and hoped for the world to rejoice because it was “fun”?

Dear friends, I’ve been here for the spoilers and I’ve even talked with some of you. I went to watch the movie today, with 0 hope of anything except of seeing my baby Ben Solo and Adam’s fenomenal acting (and listening to some good John Williams).

I knew it would be horrible, but as @nevernerdenoughblog said seeing it makes it even more. Like @clairen45 it felt so wrong. Should I rejoice with a Reylo kiss that Rey gave but seconds later didn’t even cry over Ben’s dead body? I refuse to acknowledge this characterization of Rey. She was the only one that ever believed in Ben Solo, she shipped herself to make him know he was loved and wanted and to help him. Where was this Rey in this movie?

I am sorry guys (especially for the tagging) but I need to write this out or it will eat me and you guys are the few ones that relate to my pain. You know what really hurt me the most in all this? Toxic masculinity disguised as feminism.

1) FAREWELL HEROINE’S JOURNEY

They trashed the Heroine’s Journey. They murdered it and spit in its face. JJ Abrams simply decided that the Heroine’s Journey (done in act 1/ep. VII and act 2/ep. VIII) was not cutting anymore and decided to send Rey on a Hero’s Journey (ep. IX only, new 1st, 2nd and 3rd act altogether), where she has become this almost toxic masculine fighter under Leia’s training — Badass girl? Yes. Full of anger? Yes. Logical? Yes. Connected to anything? No, not even herself, she kept on the run, afraid. In search of the Jedi detachment? Yes. —, only to send her happilly off to a desert planet in the end of her journey and finishing with her alone talking with an old lady.

Which remind us of the start of TFA, meaning she has comeback to what? Luke didn’t even comeback to that “home” in Tatooine the end of his Hero’s Journey? So she went to a place of death to what? This is a slap on the face of the Heroine’s Journey. This is how toxic masculinity corrupts and interrupts the most uncomfortable (to psychologically unhealthy bystanders) and fundamental (to the woman herself) phase of Heroine’s Journey: You want love, family, a partnership, connection, nurturing or progeny? That is weak, it is foolish. You need to fight, to conquer, to take, take and take. Otherwise you won’t be strong or independent.

REALLY???????????

I AM CRYING! WHY? WHY? WHY? Daisy, are you really seriously satisfied with this ending? Because REY DESERVED BETTER.

BTW, BEN SOLO DESERVED BETTER! The true feminist of this story DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER! ADAM DRIVER DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER! He always respect the director’s view, does his best to accomplish it and brings his best acting to the table. The only saving grace in the whole movie to me was Ben’s arc because 1) Adam was doing it and 2) He honored his character. Man he deserved so much better!!!!!

I’m not even going to repeat what everyone already said about where is George Lucas’ Fairytale Story, because you guys said it all. But I have a beef with Disney executive decisions:

2) WALT DISNEY - HOW I WISH WALT WAS ALIVE

Walt Disney. Much have been criticized concerning his choices to make HEA in fairytales. But what now? We find balance by wanting our children to grow up to be cynic and seeing the feminine as weak? Unhelpful? Bad?

“Yo independent women! You need no prince even if you have one. He can compassionately and selfelessly die to save you because he loves you and you can go off, happily, to celebrate with your friends! You don’t mourn his body, oh no. You don’t tell him you love him. You forget him. You go be that cool lonely warrior.”

Excuse me but I can kick ass and have the romantic love life and children I want! I can have both! Because I am a human being and I deserve it. This is not a matter of being a men or women. This is a matter of balancing the feminine and masculine within.

But that is not just it. BEN SOLO DESERVED BETTER! WALT WOULD NEVER, EVER LET A CHARACTER THAT WENT THROUGH ABUSE AND SO MUCH PAIN DIE THE WAY BEN SOLO DID! Is that a Disney movie??????? I mean, what did I just watch????

Walt Disney, the man who promised P.L. Travers, upon knowing who Mr. Banks was to her (her deceased alcoholic father) and what Mary Poppins, her work, meant to her, said:

“George Banks and all he stands for will be saved. Maybe not in life, but in imagination. Because that is what we storytellers do. We restore order with imagination. We instill hope again and again and again.”

THAT IS WHAT STORYTELLERS DO! Like so many fanfic writers in this fandom @nite0wl29, @stargazer1116, @intp-slytherin97, @eleanor-writes-stuff, @postedbygaslight, @raven-maiden, and so many others!! Btw, thank you all!! My vacation starts tomorrow and I’m going to read again all your amazing fics to regain exactly that: HOPE!

What was TROS? Leia and Luke believing in the good in Rey? The whole Jedi Order believing in her? I have nothing against that but why didn’t they believe or help Ben too? Ben didn’t receive any of that love, WHY? What was wrong with him? What did he do?! He was the most selfless of souls, just like his Father and Grandmother. Is this vicntim blaming??? WHY DISNEY, LUCAS FILM and JJ ABRAMS, WHY?!

I used to think people were wrong when they said Disney was only doing SW for money. Because Walt Disney also said and lived by this rule:

“The important thing is the family. If you can keep the family together — and that’s the backbone of our whole business, catering to families — that is what we hope to do.”

SW is about family and I refuse to accept ep. IX as SW. It has all the make up of SW, but it lacks the heart and very essence of it.

As dear @eleanor-writes-stuff said, so much for criticizing Rian Johnson, only to consagrate his work. That man honored the storytelling art and I’ll be forever grateful to him for his touch in SW and for how his writing touched and changed my life. And I know Waltz would have approved too because he also said:

“I prefer to entertain people in the hope that they learn, rather than teach people in the hope they are entertained.”

3) PLOT? WHAT PLOT?

Leia’s feelings for Ben have remained ambiguous, you can both read her as someone who wants her baby boy dead (because her death allows Rey to stab Ben to death if she wants to, when Ben was never going to harm Rey) or not. Actions speak louder than words, and this was the movie when Leia would have the chance to assume the responsability for her mistakes and take action, instead of only claiming she believed her son was alive.

If she clearly wanted to reach Ben, was Maz’s words needed? No, they weren’t. It was exactly because Maz needed to voice it that proved Leia’s actions could be read as ambiguous. Again, actions speak louder than words. Her body only disappeared after Ben’s did too because what? She was expecting him to die so she could collect his soul?

I dearly love Leia’s character but LEIA DESERVED BETTER! CARRIE DESERVED BETTER! In the end I’m not sure what to make of the ST Leia. She could have helped Ben but clearly sent him away to Luke because? What?

Ben Solo get his redemption from his own 2 hands + his father’s memory (not force ghost) + Rey’s confession. In the end he becomes the bride of the monster, only to die right after, in a what? Plot twist?

Finn, who? That was so messed up! Rose? Poor Rose!!! Hux? Oh Hux deserved better too. I was glad to see that Poe matured though and grew in his arc.

I’m also mad and confused about other plot points:

Ben throws his bleeded kyber krystal away because of his father. Okay. Why did no one help him when he cried on the Force to crack his kyber and soul, but Luke Force Ghost appears to catch Rey throwing a lightsaber in an on fire tie fighter?

Rey would turn to the Dark side if she killed Palpatine, right? 5 minutes later she won’t turn to the Dark Side anymore even if she still kills him in anger? Just because the self righteous jedi chose to let Ben get thrown down the abysm by himself but Rey was the Chosen One?

Still on this topic, so she choses to give up her soul so Palpatine uses her body as the vessel of his soul and the legion of siths, in order to save her friends, but she won’t take Ben Solo’s hand, even if she claims she wants to + retaining her body, to do the same?

I think force bonds don’t make much of a difference anymore when one of the parts dies. Ben can die and Rey seems pretty okay?

INTERESTING FACT: Beside me there was a father with his 6 or 7 year old son. The child kept asking what was going on everytime the movie introduced any plot twists or too much information too quickly. When the Reylo kiss came on screen, you know what the kid said? “I told ya!” I wanted to cry when seconds later the boy was claiming now was Rey’s turn to bring Ben back. Children understand the Heroine’s Journey and it doesn’t scare them. It is beautiful like that. The father then had to try and explain to the boy that other things were going on and that no, “that guy was gone”. What have you done people?

4) EPISODE X

I must have a clown face. They lied to us about this movie being “The Rise of Skywalker”. Maybe they lied to us about this being the end of the saga? Considering JJ claims this is fun, happy and hopeful, yeah, I doubt they are making an episode X or ressurecting Ben Solo after throwing in the garbage the Heroine’s Journey. I vaguely remember Adam also said he wasn’t going to appear in another SW.

IF they do announce an ep. X, I’m not watching it unless Ryan or someone like him directs the movie.

I loved to see Han Solo’s memory helping his son. That man trully loved him and it is tragic that he screwed up as a father only because he thought he wasn’t enough to be a good one and that Leia and Luke would know better.

I also loved to see Ben Solo as his father son and grandchild to his grandmother and great grandmother. He was beautiful and I love him and he’ll be forever with me.

I liked the Reylo kiss... but Rey’s actions in this movie have affected me so that it doesn’t feel like they scrapped the surface of making justice to this that could have been the happiest and most balanced of all SW couples.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN EPIC. IT COULD HAVE BEEN GRAND. But it wasn’t.

I’ll forget TROS. YBTOTT is now canon to me, because it is a perfect 3rd act in this trilogy, and @postedbygaslight honors the Heroine’s Journey like few writers have the gut and courage to do. Thank you so much Wayne!

And if anyone had the patience to read this to the end, thank you. I feel it too guys, this was awful and horrible.

#star wars #sequel trilogy #heroine's journey #tros spoilers #ep. ix spoilers #the rise of skywalker spoilers #spoilers #I extremelly rarelly consider a movie horrible #but this I can't deal with

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ae0nx · 5 years

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FRUITS BASKET EPISODE 14

Oh man, the screen cap for this episode is Tohru crying. I’m so in for it, aren’t I?

- SHIGURE WATCH: Why didn’t he go to Kyoko’s grave with the rest of them? Isn’t that lowkey impolite? What came up? Did he feel that if he were to go his frosty heart would truly melt completely? Hmmm... 🧐

OOO! New opening! It’s energetic and fun! I like the metaphor of the sunshine after rain and how that relates to the zodiac and Tohru. I like the character themed umbrellas. It’s all cute and fun. (Although, I am still dreadfully in love with ‘Again’, sorry)

- I love how much Tohru’s friends look up to Kyoko! It’s really just nice and I like how throughout this episode they kind of are there to keep things light and positive for Tohru knowing that this must be crushing her inside. Good friends! Everyone deserves good friends :)

- I too would love to see present day Kyo meet Kyoko! Any period of time interaction actually... (a boiling pot is bubbling within my heart in anticipation...)

*computer voice* Heart Stability has dropped down to 80%

- I love (love in the way of appreciating the work put into the anime) that Momiji’s accent drops when he’s around his mother and it just further highlights that he puts the accent on and the german phrases as a way of acknowledging and feeling closer to his mother. Even though she doesn’t remember him, he always will! Ok. Heart stability has dropped down to 50%

- Although it’s kind of nice how his mother still seems to care about him. Even if it is in the most general way.... Trying to find the positives, guys

So... this has kind of been a thought for a while, but the whole thing about using memory erasure to ‘cure’ people of their sadness is kind of... hmmm...

I get it. This is an extremely peculiar situation but this situation and also Kana’s situation both read to me as depression (in Momiji’s mother’s situation ‘post partum depression). And both depression and suicidal thoughts can be stemmed from one root but also a lot of the time that root tends to have many branches. So, would their depression really be ‘fixed’ by memory erasure? Life can be full of traumatic incidents, they can’t just erase someone’s memory every time a situation comes up. It feels a bit... irresponsible. But tbh, we’re talking about the Sohma family who aren’t the most emotionally healthy nor emotionally conscious group of people so...

- Also, I just clocked that this is a big reason as to why Momiji and Hatori seem to have such a close relationship! Although, it must be tough on Momiji knowing that Hatori was the one to take away his mother’s memories. And I also guess Hatori is trying to atone for it by being an additional parental figure in Momiji’s life... (a little bit of a reflection of a character that will be introduced probably at the end of this season... ahem.)

- But Momiji’s outlook on loss and his situation with his mother is so healthy! (Maybe too healthy) And emotionally mature! And he’s just trying so hard! I’m crying through my typing. Also...

Heart stability has dropped down to 40%

- Yuki has been clocking that Kyo has feelings for Tohru since the spa episode and I love it

- I was considering not doing an outfit appreciation this week cos it just felt so emotionally heavy but OUTFIT APPRECIATION: To both Uo and Hana. Hana as usual is coming through with the gothic queen realness, also love the dramatic flair of the veil and how it’s used later... And Uo! With Kyoko’s jacket! Just super badass and I love it. I love both of them in this episode. They definitely got together before this and agreed to just make sure that Tohru is happy and ok and keep the energy positive and I love it! (It’s a tragedy that they’re not romantically involved with each other)

- Although I do worry that Tohru has clocked this energy and is putting on a happy face to comfort everyone else and not let anyone worry about it. This was the first anniversary and she didn’t get a chance to cry. As someone who’s been there, it’s a bit... worrying

oh SHIT. (Btw, cinematic realness. We only expect the best from Uotani scenes) I am not ready for... newly adapted scenes. I quit. I don’t wanna play anymore. Heart stability has dropped to 10%

- I also love Uo just constantly reading the Sohma boys from head to toe and getting it 100% accurate.

Heart stability has risen to 40%

Waiit...

(I TOTALLY THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA KISS HER. BUT THIS IS MY NEW LAPTOP BACKGROUND ANYWAY.)

Heart stability has dropped to 0%

I can’t. I’m not ready. I’M NOT READY. FUCKIn- CLOWNING OVER HERE.

Well... clearly I need to recharge. And I have no idea what next week is gonna bring but I’m sure I’ll find out either through the tag or my memories of the anime/manga dripping through the bag of soil they’re in right now. Phew. Anyway... how about that new Spider-Man film, huh? (It was aite)

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket 2019

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letamreviews · 4 years

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Top of 2019

With 56 films watched and 27 favorited in 2019, I composed a list of my top. By pure happenstance, the list is almost an exact third (18) of the total films watched. Be aware that I don’t have as much to say about some of these because I took no notes after.

Because I’d be biased towards them, I don’t count the National Theatre Live plays.

Since the list is likely to be altered between now and the end of February (to accommodate for films missed), check the Lettboxd list later on to see an up to date listing, but be aware that it intentionally lacks the details provided here.

EDIT (01/04/20):

Woke up this morning religiously re-reading this and caught some grammar errors. It’s almost like staying consistently well-rested is actually beneficial. While I’m at it, Blind Rating (BR) is how worthwhile the film is watching “blind” (or knowing nothing). The scale is 1 (worth it) to 5 (you must). ‘Eh is essentially a 0.5.

1. Midsommar (USA)

Saw the original and Director's Cut in theatres and discussed them with a group immediately after both times. I’m somewhere between really liking it and loving it. Still unsure. Hell of an experience with a lot to notice, debate over, and pick up on during the second viewing. Don’t even get me started on the Christian/Dani matter. Dat tension, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

2. Us (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I’m digging the allegories and the way (I think) it reflects on society. Dem reveals, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

3. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. Two things probably play a huge hand in this not being atleast 3 spots lower: my demographic and the fact that her older self constantly reminded me of my grandma and a certain middle school teacher. Regardless, it’s an entertaining, interesting, and lively documentary with its many personalities on-screen all giving their take on matters along with Ms. Morrison herself. Glad they managed to finish and release this 1.25 months before her death. Blind Rating: 0/5

4. When They See Us (USA)

Saw on Netflix over the course of a month. Y’all, this one hurt too much to watch again any time soon. Admittedly, part of the reason why it hit me so hard is because I could easily have been one of them. Dat ending, tho. Don’t forget to watch the Oprah followup When They See Us Now after. You’ll ball (again). Blind Rating: 3/5

5. Parasite (South Korea)

Saw an advance screening in theatres and watched a live post-film Q&A. I really like it. This hit me in such a way that it’s one of three films I’m writing an essay on. Planing on watching it a second time soon so I can finish with a sense of accuracy. This isn’t one that I would recommend looking at images for. There are some that will spoil the experience of the second half. Seriously, block the “Parasite” tag from your feed if you can. Blind Rating: 3/5

6. Luce (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. This was is so~ good as a thriller and especially in regards to being Black in America. Wanted to watch it a second time but never managed to squeeze it in before it left theatres. Dem performances, tho. Dat tension, yo. Dat score, bro. Blind Rating: 1/5

7. Them That Follow (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. I love it. Blind Rating: 1/5

A drama influenced thriller about a religious and somewhat self-isolating community that's effectively blanketing a realistic romance. (snip) —Letterboxd review

8. The Souvenir (United Kingdom)

Saw in theatres (partially because so many movie peeps were shitting on it). I love it, but I didn't fucking love it. Was tempted to see it again, but didn’t get the chance. Dat ending, tho. While it was a movie peep telling me the whole plot that caused me to gain so much interest in it [Cabin in the Woods (2011) all over again, amiright?], I must say that the less you know the better. It’ll make for... a more immersive experience. Blind Rating: 3/5

9. After the Wedding (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I thought I really liked it, but I love it. This was a trip down unexpected lane, le'me tell ya. The trailer is a spoilerful lie, but the Landmark's description is very accurate. People's experiences will have a heavy hand in how they react to it and feel about certain characters. The way they made this feel like a constant thriller was excellently done. Dat cinematography, tho. Go in knowing nothing more than what the previous link provides. Blind Rating: 1/5

10. Joker (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Blind Rating: 1/5

(slight spoilers)

This was difficult to watch at times, but hella captivating throughout. Arthur's reasoning is believable, his sanity is questionable, and his life is indeed one hell of a joke. Like watching an extreme example of what happens when people on the lower end lose access to social programs. This can very easily be taken as a commentary on mental illness kept unchecked. More than that, it's a story about a guy who accepts his "crazy" and transcends poverty, circumstance, and societal bullshit... at everyone else's expense. (snip) —Letterboxd review

11. Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Captivating documentary in a very similar style to Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am, but with Mr. Davis never joining the “talking heads” (as people like to call it) and instead being heard as a constant narrator of his own biography. Regardless of how I feel about him on a personal level, this shit was a great watch and the ending hit hard. Still need to get his autobiography, though. There’s a nostalgic factor for me here since I was partially reminded of my grandpa while watching it. Blind Rating: 'eh

12. Queen & Slim (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. Fuck yeah, I enjoyed this one. Dat soundtrack and cinematography, bruh? 👌🏿 The throwback soundtrack, main characters’ racial group, and fact that they went to New Orleans definitely play a hand in why this one’s not atleast 1 spot lower. Blind Rating: 1/5

13. Dwelling in the Fuchon Mountains (China)

Saw in theatres during festival and attended discussion days later. I really like it. Was long, but in a good way. Similar to Ash is Purest White (2018) in that I kept thinking "please end here," but would be glad it didn't later. It's beautifully slothy and has absurdly long tracking shots. The cinematography during walking conversations is notable. Dat trick, tho. Blind Rating: 'eh

14. A Girl Missing (Japan)

Saw in theatres during festival and discussed with a group immediately after. Bruh~, this is a hell of a personal trial. Didn’t expect it to go the places it did. Blind Rating: 1/5

15. Dutch Angle: Chas Gerretsen & Apocalypse Now (Netherlands)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I love it. This goes over his childhood (for 8 minutes), career paths, photography of 9/11/1973's Chilean coup d'etat, the 6 months he spent on-set photographing Apocalypse Now (1979), and him as a person. What I didn’t expect was how much he would get into the details of things happening during that film’s development. Along with those details are interesting photos presented excellently in a way that’s reminiscent of manga at times. I like the way the photos take center point and are treated like the foreground. It’s like the director and editor forced themselves to remain aware that the documentary was showcasing 15% of the total slides housed in the Nederlands Fotomuseum’s archives in Rotterdam and that most of his Apocalypse Now photos were never seen. Dat score, tho [Ex Machina (2014) vibes]. Blind Rating: 0/5

BTW, it had its official (Dutch national) release by EYE Filmmuseum on 12/19/19 in the Netherlands, so maybe it’ll come to the USA soon. 🤷🏿‍♂️ Forgot to mention it’s been added as a special feature to the 40th anniversary 4K blu-ray disc of Apocalypse Now: Final Cut (2019).

16. Receiver (Ireland)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I really like it. A very interesting short film in three odd segments. First was disturbing; second was about activism, protests, and politics; third was about the person I assume the film was made for. All compose what I took as a film about the importance of having reliable sound and hearing. Needs to be watched alone with good sound quality (for immersion). Blind Rating: 'eh

17. Bacurau (Brazil)

Saw in theatres during festival. I really like it. This was some Most Dangerous Game shit with a hell of an ending. The whole game is an allegory of civilized people's obsession with hunting wild animals for "sport". I really like the portrayal of history here and enjoyed the racial matters it lays bare. I can only imagine someone watching this without knowing a thing. Kinda wish I didn’t even read the description beforehand. Digging the soundtrack. Blind Rating: 1/5

18. Little Women (USA)

Saw on 35mm and discussed with others on separate occasions. I really like it. This was just warming and sad. I felt for the main characters and actually felt satisfied with the way it ended. Considering the type of film, there are handful of typical things for me to complain about. That being said, the movie earned its stars back. I mean, did you not see their attic performances? Shit was dope. Blind Rating: ‘eh

#2019 #top of #favorite films #i love it #i really like it #Ireland #Netherlands #Japan #China #Brazil #United Kingdom #USA

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yeoldontknow · 5 years

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I finally made my own tumblr and i feel pretty happy bcuz im finally letting others see my writing but i wanted to know what you did for your stories to like, “get out there?” Btw i LOVE your stories im a new fan of EXO and ur stories r amazing keep it up!!

hi there. welcome to tumblr! thats so exciting! i hope youre enjoying your time here! im going to preface everything i say by advising a few things.

firstly that i dont consider myself an ‘out there’ blog. im exceptionally proud of the amount of followers i have, even though the number itself is different depending on perspective. to some, this number is remarkably small. to others, this number is enormous. and the amount of readership that occurs on my fics really doesnt match up the to the numbers the way you think it would. so when you say ‘out there’ just keep in mind this is really...dependent on so many factors and depends on your own personal definition of what that means.

second, the things i list that were part of my experience may not work for you or match up to your experience. theres really no algorithm or formula anyone can give. so again, you can take all of this with a grain of salt.

- make use of tags and tag appropriately. when youre starting from 0 (as everyone on this website does) the first and primary way you get any of your writing out to the public (beyond...posting it lmao) is tagging. only the first five tags show up in searches when youre tagging on tumblr, so keep that in mind when you consider how many networks (ill discuss those later) you want to join. keep your tags relevant to what youve written, things like ‘member smut’ or ‘member fluff’ usually draws in a crowd. when i first started hero, i was tagging with ‘chanyeol x reader’ and ‘chanyeol scenario’ and those pulled in a bunch of readers too (that was 2 years ago tho, so idk how much a scenario tag pulls in anymore)

- post in multiple places. i have an AO3 and a tumblr. most writers cross post to ao3 and tumblr, but others also have an asian fan fics account or a wattpad account (this is usually to prevent people plagiarizing on there). but most writers i know (tbh i think all) post in at least two separate places.

- join a network. networks are so great for getting your work out there when you dont have a lot of followers or are new and dont have a lot of readership. theres so many out there you can join - some are specific to band and others are multi-fandom and only require that you be writing for kpop. my recommendation is to join two or three, because these networks will always require you use their tag in the first five. this is because the only way they will find your work to reblog it is by searching it, so tagging for two main tags and two networks is a surefire way to get your writing to the right people.

- talk to other writers/blogs. send asks, play ask games with them, tag them in things you know they like (example, even if i dont follow you but you tag me in something related to chanyeol i will always respond). leave feedback on their work. reblog their work and tag it well - either with your keysmash reaction, your thoughts, or your feelings. whatever you give into the community will come back to you.

***HOWEVER, i will say that dont be discouraged if writers dont reply right away. sometimes tumblr eats asks, deletes messages, or doesnt let them show up until the person can get to a computer. furthermore, most writers on here have regular jobs or families, so the time theyre on tumblr is very limited. and even more than that, theres a big question of age. for me personally, if i can tell a person is quite young or under the age of 18, i am less likely to fully go back and forth in banter with them because i am considerably older than that and thats inappropriate. im just pointing this out because i dont want you sending messages and getting discouraged if someone doesnt reply. theres a lot of reasons someone might not reply, and it may have nothing to do with you or be relate to something within your control.

- if youre a new writer, join a beta network. theres networks out there where people willingly volunteer to beta writing, and you can also apply to be a beta. this helps improve your writing, which will help draw more readers, and will also create a community/friendship around you and your beta team.

- make a masterlist, even if you only have 1 written item. masterlists help people new to your blog see what you have written, find it, and read it OR see what you want to write. example: if youre writing for exo and you have a list for the entire band, ill assume that at some point youll write for chanyeol even if you only have a link for jongdae. make a masterlist and link it in your bio for easy access.

ok so thats...bare minimum how you get your writing out and circulating and possibly generating a community for you to engage with. but its really important for me to say the following:

if you are walking into this with an expectation that you will soon receive recognition or feedback or a large amount of notes, please please restructure this. in my years on this site, i have seen so many writers come and go because they start writing solely for the notes or the feedback. thats not a sustainable goal and it will suck the pleasure out of writing really really quickly. its so easy to get discouraged if you dont think youre achieving some arbitrary number that tumblr itself messes with just by changing rules or guidelines or the way posts show up on a dash.

instead, challenge yourself to write things that interest you or to write different things within your stories. things like ‘i want to write a fantasy’ ‘i want to write a 5 part mini series’ ‘i want to write an angsty drabble.’ when you approach writing from this perspective, it keeps you consistent and motivated with your goals. and it also, believe it or not, make your writing come from a genuine place of love rather than a place of wanting interaction. readers can tell when someone genuinely loves what they write and when someone is just checking boxes they think will bring in feedback.

also - please know that getting your writing out there is very much a ‘rome wasnt built in a day’ kind of vibe. ive been on this website for 2 years and there have been months where my notes and follower count is barely moving, and others where i feel like i get 200 followers in a week or hundreds of notes on something id posted a year ago. you cannot predict how long it will take for people to see your work, the only thing you can predict is that it will take time. honestly, again ive been here for two years and im still a pretty small blog. theres no magic formula to this.

i hope all this helps!

#writing advice #zaralax

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clemenlemonsims · 5 years

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21 Questions

I was tagged by @queer-as-sims Don’t worry. I totally don’t regret following lol

Anywho ~

Rules: answer 21 questions, then tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

Nickname: I don’t have one actually

Zodiac: Cancer. And yes, I’m as sensative as you think I am lol I’m not obvious about it. A quiet sensitive.

Height: 5′6

Last thing searched: Live Love Polish. I’m not big on polishing my nails, but I like art and polish is included. Someone I follow on instagram got a Jane Austen collection and I thought it was pretty.

Favorite musicians: That so hard because I listen to random stuff all the time, but I guess I’ll say people who I’ve actually bought albums for and have gone out of my way to listen to all their music.

(Top 10 current and I can listen to any song of theirs and love it)

Ed. Sheeran. Kendrick Lamar. BTS (Yes I listen to kpop. Mostly the old stuff). Logic. Hoody. Jay Park. Bruno Mars. Jooyoung. Normani.

If you had a time machine, would you go back in time or visit the future? I’d go to the future even though I love history. If I could though, I’d be a spectator and not actually be able to interact with anything. Like a projection because I don’t know how things will end up in the future and it might be bad and I don’t want to get hurt physically.

Do I get asks? No. I just started so I completely understand lol

Following: 107. I follow a lot of writing blogs

Would you rather be rich or famous? I’d rather be rich. When I was younger I probably would have said famous, but fame comes with a lot of social scrutiny and I like my privacy.

Amount of sleep: It’s really random, but I’d say at the most 6 hours. I sleep really late and wake up really early like clockwork.

What I’m wearing: A tribal pattern tank top and knee length gray sweat pants

Dream job: Freelance writer.

Dream trip: Korea and Japan.

If you were an animal. What would you be? Probably a cat. I’m pretty much a cat already, but I’m really bad at jumping haha

What are some of your favourite books/films/shows/games/etc.? Books: There’s so many, but I’ll go for ones that I always think about when writing.

Harry Potter (Read this series at the age of 24. I’m 25. It’s so good). The Bear and the Nightingale (Beautiful story). All the Crooked Saints (Beyond my expectations). Bakuman & Deathnote (Manga both written and drawn by the same people. I love mental battles). Smoke&Bone. Saint Everything. And everything by Rainbow Rowell.

Films: I love Animations btw. Grease 2 (I know it’s a musical and kinda cheesy but I’m still obsessed with it). Howl’s Moving Castle&Spirited Away (Basically anything Studio Ghibli). Toy Story. All Guardians of the Galaxy movies. Friday. Thirteen Ghosts (A classic). Casper movies. Most movies from my childhood, but I can’t think of all of the good ones I’ve watched. My brain isn’t working lol

Shows: Carnival Row. Bob’s Burgers. X-Files. Case Closed (anime). Elementary. Supernatural. Peaky Blinders. The Simpsons. Hilda (Animation). Queen In Hyun’s Man&Thirty but Seventeen&He is Psychometric&My Love from another Star (KDramas). The Originals. Stranger Things. There’s a lot more ~

Games: Bioshock Infinite (My ULIMATE favorite game ever). Detroit Become Human (My other ULTIMATE fav). Yakuza 0. Crash Bandicoot&Spyro (classic). Little Nightmares. Undertale. Red Dead Redemption. Beyond: Two Souls. The Last of Us. Catherine. Sleeping Dogs. And so much more.

Etc: Favorite Youtubers: Cryaotic (Streamer). Jacksepticeye (Gamer). Christ Stuckman (Movie Reviews). Thoughts on Tomes&Chelseadolling Reads (Book Reviews). JK News (Comedy/News). Asian Boss (Documentaries/Interviews). Neecxle (Simmer). Caleb Joseph (Booktuber/Comentary). Kennie J.D. (Hair/Makeup/Commentary). Binging with Babish (food).

Play any instruments? I used to play the clarinet in middle school lol

Language(s): English. I’m slowly learning Korean (I know how to read and write and I know simple sentences). I want to also learn Spanish..

Describe yourself as aesthetic: Reserved? Not sure if that’s right or not :D

I TAG 3 people who follow me and anyone else who wants to join in! I feel a little shy tagging people right now since I’m so new and I don’t want to bother anyone ~

@marceltorak @simsulate @dreamstatesims

#tag #tag post #21 questions

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hhemeraa-a · 6 years

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Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

(1.) Is there anything you dislike about the character(s) you play? OC or otherwise? How difficult he can be. He doesn’t make plotting or interactions easy for anyone and it’s hard to be spontaneous with him unless he’s under some influence. It gets bothersome at times when you see muses you as the mun like, but know your OC would never have anything to do with them.

(2.) How many languages can you speak? I can only speak English. I took over 2 years of Mandarin but still couldn’t properly speak it, though I can read it pretty decently. Same with Japanese - took 4 years but at most can just read it. I understand a lot of Spanish and some Korean. I took Arabic in high school, but I suck at it. Only know like 3 words now.

(3.) Where did you first go on vacation? I remember as a child when my parents were still together, we went on a road trip from Chicago all the way to Disneyland in California. We went through Colorado, I got to hand feed a giraffe, I fell on a cactus, I cried about not being able to go on the monorail, had my first BBQ sauce pizza (which I hated) -- I think that was my first vacation.

(4.) Do you have any potentially-unpopular opinions about your character or the fandom that they’re involved in? Since Myles started off as a Starfighter OC, I guess you’re asking me if I have any unpopular opinions on Starfighter? Do you have 8 hours? I understand that Starfighter is/was supposed to be a smut comic and was actually supposed to stop after “chapter 1″ but got so popular that the author decided to continue writing it. I understand that a majority of the plot is based around two dudes fuckin’ and I understand that expecting or asking for more than that is silly.

BUT THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL JUST WASTED. THE WHOLE REASON I EVEN FUCKIN JOINED THAT FANDOM WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT BETTER AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I fucking did. Hamlet gives such a great basis and outline for amazing world building that just ends up falling flat because the story is focused on well detailed dick draws (which are great btw, I won’t slight her for that). The concept of the last surviving humans fighting against an alien collective using their own tech against them just gets my dick hard, but all of that is sort of thrown to way side and lost under “who emotionally betrayed who” and “I love you now even if I didn’t at the beginning” nonsense. You can still have a great romance story OR EVEN PWP?? But establish it in a world that makes fucking sense. There are all of these aspects that we’ll never get answers on that she’s just thrown into the story as a vehicle to get to the next sex scene and it just rustles my fucking jimmies.

I had to stop writing in the fandom because I honestly am incapable of writing with the new people who come in -- nothing against them and their writing abilities, I’m sure they’re great, but everyone always comes in like “I’m looking for an Abel for my Cain” or vice versa, or just some smutty locker room pwp and weird Commander Daddy Doms -- just things I’ve read over and over and over again that have just become absolutely bland.

DID YOU KNOW??? There are whole constellations?? of crystals floating through space? Shattered diamonds and acidic clouds?? Did you know?? that there are 3 different theorized ways to bend space and time to create warp drives? Could you imagine being the final ship BSG style trying to float your way to what essentially might be your grave in space avoiding stars that are literally eating each other so that you can fight an alien race that has destroyed not only one, but many of your species homelands???

BUT WAIT, LEMMIE GET A DICK IN THIS SPACE CRAFT FOR A MINUTE AND WE CAN BICKER ABOUT HOW U LOOK LIKE MY EX.KJDHGJKGHKDJGHS IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD. DONT GET ME STARTED, I FEEL VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT SPACE.

(5.) How many kids would you like in the future? 0 is also an acceptable answer! z e r o -- I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another life??

(6.) Have you ever broken down into tears because of writing a roleplay scene? No, idk, I don’t get that emotional about things? Last time I cried was because I was on drugs after my surgery and there was no ice for my tea.

(7.) Where did you first get started roleplaying? Gaiaonline.com sgjkdhskgjs I still have my account.

(8.) Quick! Make a list. FIVE FILMS TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE. That I haven’t seen already??? uhhhh UHHHHHH 1. Schindler’s List 2. Breakfast At Tiffany’s 3. Shape of Water 4. Hurt Locker 5. 13 Assassins

(9.) If we had to ask your friends to explain you in five words or less, how do you think that they’d describe you? avoidant, funny, no-shit taking, emotionally strong, positive ((I guess????))

(10.) What is one of your life mottos that helps you get through each and every day? “No regrets.” “No excuses, nobody cares.” “But will it kill you?”

(11.) Do you feel comfortable writing NSFW themes? Hahahahaha WELL. Yes - I’m comfortable with plotting out the nasty nast, but when it comes to actually writing it? It takes me forever because I get really really really embarrassed. I once talked to Lex about lube and it was just me screaming uncomfortably for about 15 minutes, but ask me about nasty fuckin and I gotchu.

Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

(1.) Hardest thread/plot you’ve ever done and why? Did you complete it? (2.) A song that triggers a memory and what happened (3.) Favorite subject in school (4.) Do you have any potentially-unpopular opinions about your character or the fandom that they’re involved in? (5.) Would you chose to be immortal? (6.) Have you ever considered veganism / vegetarianism? Why or why not? (7.) Who/What was your first OC? Describe them. (8.) Be honest... how honest are you with your friends? Your family? (9.) What would be your superpower and would you use it for good? (10.) What did you do before Tumblr? (11.) Guilty pleasure food

Tagged by: @celestialspitfire Tagging: @banditborn / @corpusdxlicti / @sonderrow / @portalipsis / @viclate / @vicariousphotographer / @dcsidcrium / @paxeuropaea / @catastrophicur / @sokrovennyi / @inionnaforaoise / @sukkubxs / @evildcers / @fluffmiester / @flieuthi / @moonsought / STEAL IT AND TAG ME

#;; we've all done this before (dash games)#I wasn't going to post this today #but I just feel sO MUCH

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tearuntold · 6 years

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POSITIVITY TAG 🌻

I was tagged by my love @holy-jinsus to write 10 positive things that happend in 2017. I am pretty sure we all can agree on the fact that 2017 was just the shitty expansion pack of 2016, thank Jinsus it’s over! So I am even happier to see that, even though your year was probably the worst so far (same btw), I could make it a little bit better! I love you 💕💕

Rules: Write 10 positive things that happened in 2017, then tag several people that you hope have an amazing 2018!!

I don’t want to flood anyone with this long ass storytimes, so everyone who wants to can read below the cut. 🌺

1. So the best thing by far is my new job! In the beginning of the year I isolated myself a lot and didn’t really leave the house, but eventually I decided that I need a job, because I want money (who doesn’t) and some people around me. Fortunately the first shop I went to and asked if they need someone accepted me after a day of trial work. I really wanted to work there since I love being there, and it ended up being a truly wonderful job that I still love doing now!

2. Due to my job I met a lot of amazing people and found new friends who I really appreciate. First of all, all my coworkers are angels and I get along with everyone really well. Even our chef is the most adorable bun ever so we are a little bit like family. Adding to that there are a lot of regular costumers who I chat with every time they come over and even found some friends in them.

3. Okay, so this might sound weird, but I went to IKEA (not sponsored lmao) with my dad. And it was the first time that I ever went there to buy a bunch of stuff for my own, with my own money. You know as a kid when you go to any kind of store you always have to ask your parents if they can buy you something, or if you need a new bed whatever, they decide wich one you take, because they can say ‘no’ if they think it’s too expensive. So this time I went there and bought some new bookshelfs, plants and other stuff to redecorate my room and organize my stuff better. And when we got to the checkout I was the one with a full cart who paid over a hundred euro and my dad was the one who got himself like a 5€ plant. I don’t know, it just made me really happy.

4. My grandma got 80 this year so she invited a lot of people from our family and her closest friends for a bigger birthday party at her favourite cafe. And I really like her and most part of that family so I was happy to go there. Fortunately I ended up sitting with all the old people, my greatuncle, greataunts and some childhood friends from my grandma. They told a lot of fun stories from their childhood, how it was growing up together like family during the war and so on. I could listen to these stories for days, it just makes me so happy to see them so full of joy telling how it was even though times were rough. Before we left I talked a bit more with my greatuncle alone and as we had to leave he told me how happy he is to see me smiling and talking so lively with people, because I used to talk only rarely and just...sit there. This just really made me realise that I changed, in a good way.

5. I visit my angel Linda aka @holy-jinsus every few weeks for a day or 5 and we just chill, watch videos or do nothing together which is always wonderful, but I remember one day in particular. I am not sure when it was exactly but we just casually watched some yt videos at 3am and randomly this weird looking BTS video was recommended where they just put this filter over the video, where everything in the middle is zoomed in, like a bubble. I am sure if you ever watched any kind of crack or meme video you know what effect I am talking about. Anyways, we ended up laughing so god damn hard, that we felt like dying and even though this video probably wasn’t even that funny, it was to us in that moment. And I just love laughing with her you know.

6. Late november I finally had my appointment at the tattoo studio to get, who would have guessed, some new tattoos. I waited 8 months for this and I was just so happy as it was done! They were my biggest ones so far, so I was a little bit concerned how I would handle getting stabbed for hours, but it was way better than I expected. And the result is everything I ever wanted!

7. This Tumblr blog happened! I started it late december, but it still counts to 2017. Even though I’ve been on this website for I don’t know how many years, it’s the first time that I really invest so much time and effort into creating content and posting it. And actually it’s the first time for me to interact with people here that I don’t know in real life. This ‘mutual thing’ was always something I didn’t really understand, but OH LORD THIS GIRL MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING. Now that I am in this community of people who share so much love and positivity I can’t help but feel better and every time I see someone new tagging or messaging me my heart just explodes, because I am still too shy to message someone on my own.

8. BTS had their most successful year ever, and that is literally all I could have asked for. It just makes me so proud to see them getting all the awards they deserve for their unbelievable hard work. I think I don’t have to say more regarding this topic since I am sure you all feel the same way and know exactly what I mean when I say that I can’t form my feelings for them into words. And please let them rest, good lord have mercy!

9. Over the year I also fell in love with so many new artists and groups that sometimes I couldn’t even decide what I want to listen to because there were just too many good songs! Music in general has always been the best way for me to express my feelings, so when I find something that represents what emotional state I am in I feel complete. Two albums that really saved my life the last year were ‘Muggle’s Mansion’ by Code Kunst and ‘We’ve done something wonderful’ by Epik High. I recommend these to literally everyone. Really.

10. Finally, to end this hell of a year I went to Linda aka @holy-jinsus to celebrate new years eve. I brought her favourite cookie dough so she could form them and another friend ouf ours made some heavenly delicious food (and cocktails). So we just had a relaxed evening, enjoyed the selfmade food and waited for this god damn year to finally end. The best part was definetly that we turned on ‘Mic Drop’ at an exact time, so that the “Mic Mic Bungee” part was exactly at 0 o’clock. Then we just continued to blast out the classic BTS party songs and it was so healing to just weirdly dance and scream the vocal and rap parts together, starting 2018 in the best way possible.

This was a lot, I am sorry, but I just wish all of you a wonderful 2018. We’re still at the beginning so even though it still might be shit right now it can definetly get better! So I would like to tag @namjoon-moon, @amaryllistae, @crunchtrash, @taehyungiesvalentine, @taeshik, @slutdropjin, @j1nsgf and @taetaez. Of course you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to! 💞

#games

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welcometojoelsvoid · 6 years

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I drew myself properly for once :0 (Yeah I actually don’t have horns, how funny)

So I was thinking (which is never a good thing lmao) of what it would be like to be in the IT universe, or whatever you’d call it. Cuz like the Losers Club kids are approximately my age and cuz I always stick myself in things I like, I made myself a small backstory thing for it :T

btw, this is more like the 2017 one, cuz that’s the one I’m more familiar with.

(Under “read-more” cuz this came out longer than I expected, especially if you’re on mobile lmao)

((Tagging @conejito-del-polvo cuz for some reason she wants to see this garbage))

Warning for spoilers and slight homophobia/homophobic language(?)

I’d be an exchange student. I wouldn’t really talk much to the other kiddos in my class because I’m an antisocial twerp, I’d probably be bullied for being weird and openly gay. But I wouldn’t really care :/

I’d most likely become friends with Mike or Bill first. Being outcasted and a minority would be a good conversation breaker with Mike and I could joke about my stuttering with Bill. Through them, I’d get to meet the rest of the gang. I’d help them stick up to bullies like the Bower’s Gang (my preferred method is humour).

The first scare I’d get from IT would probably be hallucinations, not like seeing the undead or whatever, but like bugs in my room or something like that. I’m hard to scare off the bat so Pennywise would have to start off slow. IT would make me feel stalked and uncomfortable, try to strengthen my paranoia and anxiety. At some point, I’d be so scared that I could not leave my room. The Losers Club would probably send Bev or Mike to coax me out.

My friends say I’m a very rational and liable person, good with social issues, so I’d probably be good at keeping the group together, settling arguments and all that. Pennywise would sense that I was beginning to be a bigger problem then IT had originally ought me to. IT would try and keep all of the Losers Club separated and try to control me, thinking that now was the time to really get under my skin. It would be a normal school day, just like any other. History class was just a tad more boring than usual. I’d fall asleep in class and when I woke up to the loud ringing I’d notice that no one was in the classroom. I’d quickly get up from my seat and search around, but I’d find no one to be there. I’d exit the school, no one in the streets, no cars, no people, nothing but just things. I’d start to get extremely anxious, thinking the worst or not thinking at all. I’d run to the house my host family lived in. No one’s there either. I’d start crying and my breathing would get faster, I would be barely able to move. I’d run back out, not sure what to do. I’d see someone important to me out on the streets, like my Ma, boyfriend or one of my friends. I’d run to them, crying my eyes out, glad to see one of my loved ones even if it didn’t make sense for them to be there. I’d hug them, mumbling incoherent words. The person would then either turn into IT, a grotesque monster or just fade away. Either way, I’d be traumatised as fuck. IT would probably make witty/snarky comments, calling me “fairy boy” (I think a reappearing theme would be IT or bullies calling me things like fae or fag/faggot) and attack me, only for me to wake up in class screaming bloody murder. The teacher would send me to the principal’s office for disrupting the lesson. Depending which version of Pennywise this is, there’d be two outcomes; if it’s the 90′s version IT would taunt me while the principal lectured me about paying attention and not disrupting in class, I would be too in shock to say or do anything but sit pretty and listen. If it’s the 17′s version IT would probably appear a few times, just standing somewhere, drooling, maybe taunting me with a few words.

The few following days I would absolutely refuse to leave my room or sleep, I would barely even eat. The young child, who’s maybe like 8 or 10 years old, that my host family has would grow worried about me. I probably had gotten pretty attached to this kid, since I really enjoy spending time and taking care of younger kids (there’s a reason why I helped out multiple times at a local daycare where I live). They’d try to comfort me, in between subjects say how a creepy looking clown had been appearing around them. This would spark a burst of energy in me. I didn’t dare to tell the kid what the clown actually was about, how dangerous it was, I’d just say to stay far away from it.

I’d contact all of the Losers Club, shit was getting serious. Of course, they’d be confused as to why I suddenly decided to leave my room, Richie would probably say something about me finally getting my shit together or manning up. I’d ignore him and tell them what had happened to me and my host family’s kid. They then told about what had been happening to them as well. At this point, I realised that I have no idea where the hell I am in the storyline, but decided to continue nevertheless. I guess shit happens, cuz I can’t figure out what has already happened and what hasn’t. Uhhhh The only things I remember are the cliff/swimming scene, rock war scene and going to Ben’s weird conspiracy room scene. I wouldn’t have joined them on the swim since I don’t like swimming. I would’ve just been sitting somewhere, drawing and yelling whenever someone splashed water a bit too close (was there a shore/bank thing at the lake? I can’t remember). I definitely would’ve stayed a bit back when the rock war started, I don’t mess with that shit. I’d probably be impressed and a little freaked out by Ben’s room. Like dude, I know people got weird hobbies, but seriously?

Anyway, after figuring out where IT resides and heading to the Neighbolt house (is that how it’s spelt? I have no idea and my dyslexia isn’t helping), Bill, Richie and Eddie go in as I and the others stay behind, I’d probably make a joke about what kind of food they want at their funerals, Bev would smack me on the shoulder and Bill would tell me to shut up. Richie gets stuck in the clown room, Eddie breaks his arm, IT does some mad yoga poses and gets a rusted pipe through its head. After IT leaves with a bow and Eddie is taken home, I’d have the audacity to suggest getting ice cream to celebrate I’d, of course, get some mean looks from the others, though Richie would probably give me a high-five. Here’s where the Losers Club breaks up and I can’t remember if anything happens, other than Bev getting kidnapped. We go back to the crackhead house, Mike gets attacked by the Henry McDickface and dies and Stan is attacked. In the “final” face-off I’d most likely stay back a bit again, not really the fighting type, mostly just making sure if anyone’s gonna need first-aid and how badly (I used to be am a scout, what’d you expect?).

The battle’s over, IT is defeated for now and we make a promise to group up again if IT were to ever come back. Thanks for reading. (I might do a follow-up after chapter 2 is released)

#self-insert #it 2017 #it #the losers club #pennywise #bill den #richie tozier #stan uris #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrak #losers club #it 2017 spoilers #jojowritesthings #jojodrawsthings

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brown-rice · 7 years

Text

A post about volunteering at AX a month later. Hella long shit under the cut lol

I held off posting about AX b/c I had a lot of uncomfortable, negative emotions going on. Overall, it was a good experience and one I don’t regret since I learned a lot. Now that I’ve waited so long to post tho, I’m not sure if I remember everything clearly lmao. This is going to be hella long, I can feel it.

Day -2: It was actually really stressful for me the first day. I volunteered with Ray, but we were in different departments and carpools. I only really went to AX b/c I wanted to make friends that were into the same things I was, since most of my close friends don’t really watch/read stuff. I was essentially going into my first con alone and although I’m pretty good about being friendly and trying to make friends, I still felt really lonely since I hadn’t clicked with anyone yet. I spent most of that day wandering around with this group of guys I don’t even remember and Nicole who was in my dept. The guys got along really well, really fast, and I tried to talk to Nicole, but she was really difficult to talk to, giving one word answers most of the time. Through the week tho, I learned she was just a really shy person. My carpools were one of my managers (meaning he was hella busy) and a kinda obnoxious person so I just sat around in the old HQ on my phone. It wasn’t until the night meeting that I met David, tall Justin, Leon, and Jordan who were in my dept, as well as each others roommates. Honestly, if I never met these guys, I would have had a horrible time. They were really easy to get along with and let me into their group pretty naturally, and I was surprised that they had all just met that day b/c it seemed like they had known each other a long time based on how they acted. David was essentially the cool-guy, leader of their group. We were joined by short Justin and his old roommate Joseph, and Barney. I got to know them and we all traded contact info and decided to have a drinking party post meeting. Tbh I was incredibly concerned with being the only girl going to drink with a bunch of guys I had just met, even if they were friendly. Joseph and short Justin wanted to buy better drinks and I tagged along and got to know them better. Stuff kinda got out of hand when we found out Joseph’s room was connected to the hotel pool, and short Justin invited everyone at the pool to join us so he could flirt with the girls. Everyone was super nice to me, which was gr8 b/c people kept making me drinks and trying to chat me up lol. I spent a long time laying on Joseph’s bed talking to David which Joseph was mildly annoyed with short Justin and decided to eat an edible to ease his anger. That first night was probably the most drunk I’ve ever been hahahaha

Day -1: The next day wasn’t too much different,sleeping in, just going to meetings/training and getting to know more people. I was a lot less lonely b/c I had an actual group to talk to now. Spent a lot of time talking to short Justin and meeting my new roommate Vanessa. And then we had another drinking party which I can’t really remember the details of. A lot of the dept members still weren’t there, so it was just the usual few.

Day 0: This was probably the wildest day for me LMAO. Our volunteer work officially starts on Day 1, so I was getting kinda nervous since the con center was actually really big and I had to learn the entire layout to do my job properly. Most of the volunteers in my dept (GOH Control btw) were there now. Our job is to escort VIPs and provide light security when moving them from location to location. We use the back passageways of the convention center to help protect them. As a dept, we went around to every important location and the basic passages to each. Since it was my first time seeing some locations, I still didn’t really know what was where, so when one Kenya (my manager/carpool) asked for people to stay behind and help Sonya (dunno if anyone reads this, but names will just be people in my dept unless stated otherwise) practice giving orders, I volunteered to stay behind. In the end 4 vets: short Justin, Sean, Mono, and Jeff stayed to help 4 new: me, Gary, Nicole, and Robert. We were sent out as a large group and the vets wanted us to lead the way, but it was such a shitstorm. Gary was our lead, but each vet directed him a different way to go and yelled a lot at us, which really wasn’t helpful. We got lost, Robert went to the bathroom without even telling us, and decided to go back to the new HQ. Gary was furious. He demanded that we split into pairs b/c he couldn’t deal with 4 people yelling different things at him, and honestly, I was pretty pissed too and seconded his idea. It was quiet and a little awk since no one really knew each other and didn’t know who to pair off with until short Justin called dibs on me. In my mind it made sense b/c I thought we were p good friends and he was a 3 year vet. Everyone else paired off from there, and we split up to explore the mostly empty con center on our own.

I was so stressed about trying to figure out and memorize locations that I didn’t really notice Justin trying to hit on me. At first it was just shoulder grabs and hand bumps, but it became hand holding and hip grabs pretty soon. At first I thought that maybe he was just walking really close and he didn’t know it, and he was still doing a pretty good job of showing me around the center with an occasional pick up line here or there (like asking me to the dance), which I took as him just wanting to get to know me as a friend. It didn’t suck when we were holding hands and honestly, his looks are my type and we were into a lot of the same video games, shows, etc. I just didn’t think things were going to escalate so fast. Pretty much done with the tour, he decided to test me/show me his “secret locations” in case of emergency, and looking back on it now, I was pretty dumb to have fallen for that haha. Tbh I was really excited, like wow this guy actually knows his stuff, I’m glad we were paired up together. And then suddenly we’re making out in an elevator. It was alright, neither good or bad, really only a feeling like “oh huh I guess this is happening, I guess we’re making out now.” I broke the kiss to explain that I asexual and that if he wanted to fuck, I was def not his girl. I think he took it as, “hoo boy this young girl is an inexperienced virgin, i’m gonna show her the ropes, etc.” We wandered around more, stopping to make out more and more frequently, and as it went on, I felt more flustered, nervous, and uncomfortable b/c it seemed like everything was going a bit too fast for me. Making out now included grinding and ass grabs which weren’t bad, they just weren’t goo either. Every time, I broke the kiss sooner and sooner, apologizing more and more, and IDK why I always apologize for being inexperienced/not putting out even when I know I don’t owe the guy anything. I knew he was getting more upset each time I stopped, and tbh if I was him, I’d be mad too. We eventually split after his best friend came to get him, and I had to meet up with my roommates to see a panel. I was so emotionally drained that I actually called Landon to vent to him, and I still feel shitty about having to do that. When my roommates found me, they could tell something was up, and I explained the situation to them. We went to the panel, but they had late volunteer shifts in their departments, so I decided to go around what parts of the con were open by myself. The panel was so funny, but not enough to take my mind off of what just happened. Eventually I met this guy named Henry who asked me if there was anything good to see at like 10 PM. He said he was looking around for business and eventually handed me a business card after I showed him a probably skeptical face LOL. He asked for social media in order to see some panels with me and I gave him my fb after deciding he was harmless. He never did message me to see something with him, but did wish me happy birthday. I don’t think I went to any drinking party that night. I was so beyond flustered aaaaaaa.

Day 1: An early morning and the first day we wore suits!!!! Since we’re security, we have a dress code of wearing suits on Day 1 and 4, while the other days are business casual. Volunteering was a lot of fun, job-wise. I enjoyed walking around and escorting a lot for some reason. No problems there really. When I got there, I had my first escort job solo and I was a little nervous. Which didn’t really help that my guest literally ran in front of me and I had to chase after his ass in my heels. Justin looked damn good in his suit, tho tbh there were a few other attractive boys and I thank the lord for our dress code LOL. Anyway, short Justin spent the whole day ignoring me and hitting on Sonya, which hurt more than I expected. I hadn’t actually rejected Justin either, but he only spoke to me when I offered people food or if we were sent on escort jobs together, which actually ended up being often. We were supposed to go to the overwatch panel together, but didn’t. Sonya and I started hanging out as the only 2 girls on shift who actually talked, and when she started complaining about Justin’s advances on her, I came clean about what happened between Justin and I b/c I wanted to vent. While I was starting to develop feelings for Justin and actually feeling jealous over him flirting with other girls, I felt more sad about losing a good friend (b/c we were into the same things, tho who knows, maybe he was lying idk). While venting in some secret code to Sonya, across the table Luis was trying to put the pieces together and eventually became interested in the convo as was Toshi, since we were around Justin and the other managers, Sonya and I stated it was just some story. Toshi, Gary, David, and I were eventually sent on an escort mission and I accidentally let slip that I had been hit on by other guys (I was so frustrated about the Justin situation and there had been a few harmless attendees who hit on me as well). David and Gary left to go hit on girls/take pictures with cosplayers, so Toshi asked me what the story was and I ended up unloading all of my problems onto this poor, unsuspecting boy. We went around the con together and talked, and found out we both liked BNHA, and it was such a good friendship b/c he was kinda into Sonya and I was trying to deal with whatever feelings I had for Justin, so it was just, idk, nice to be able to talk to someone and not worry about advances????

Toshi, Leon, and I were the only underage kids that actually hung out and went to the night parties. After getting to know Toshi, I learned that he wanted to get hella lit and I knew that there would be more parties. I went around and impulse bought a poster and spent time trying to go to some panels. When the shifts were over, I went back to the hotel hung around with David’s crew and spent the rest of the night chilling with my roommates. David then messaged me asking me to the dance, and I tried to deflect him since I was still into Justin. I think that day we also almost made the mangaka of Shoukugeki no Soma cry??? b/c he loved how we escorted him hahahaha

Day 2: Not really anything special, just more of the same kinda stuff as day 1. I spent so much money and time in artist alley RIP. Wake up early, do the escorting, explore con during free time, drinking party at night. Gary asks me out to coffee. Still mild jealousy over Justin, but I treated him as a friend like normal. I did some jobs and got candy and a free autograph!! which was rly nice of the people.My sister and her friend came, so we got some boba, and when I got back to the con center I walked from the con center to the hotel with the squad b/c they didn’t feel like waiting for a shuttle. it was tiring but a lot of fun. Since there wasn’t too much that day, everyone wanted to have a big drinking party, and Toshi was super excited b/c his goal was to get mad lit, and I went to keep an eye on him. On the shuttle, he and Sonya, who were now pretty close, both asked me if Justin was still bothering me, and I didn’t notice Luis and Joseph sitting behind us on the mostly empty shuttle, listening. They asked me about what happened and imparted wisdom from their age LOL. The people who I vented to then became Luis, Sonya, Joseph, and Toshi. Unrelated, David didn’t talk to me as much as he used to either. He flirted with a lot more girls in front of me, and Toshi and Luis said he was trying to make me jealous. I don’t get jealous ever, the stuff with short Justin was the first time that it happened to me tbh. Leon, Toshi and I are 19, compared to the rest of the dept who are 22+. It was a pretty fun night, since ofc I kept getting free drinks again, good stories, good people.

Day 3: Not much different job wise, but I spent all my break time walking around, so i was exhausted when I had to go back, which was really dumb of me. Met up with Roman and Leinad and went around artist alley some more. Before I came back I bought some food from the Persona 5 food truck which was really good, but this creepy guy bombarded me with questions. He started off with asking my age and saying I looked young which was an instant red flag. His persistence and advances made me really uncomfortable and while I did get hit on quite a bit throughout AX, this guy was probably the worst. Leon asked me out to the neon district show and I softly turn him down. I was sent to the rooftop bar to help escort guests, but they sent me back after finding out I couldn’t drink. I decided to stay in HQ watching David and tall Justin’s stuff b/c they were going to be at the bar after we were done for the day. I thought I was just being nice, but apparently not??? When David and tall Justin get back, David tells me that he got me into the bar. That he gave away as exclusive lanyard to get me in. And ofc I’m like???/ Why???? would you do that for me???? And he just says that he wants me to see the bar, and enjoy stuff at my first con. I can’t really turn him down after he gave away his lanyard for me, so I go to the bar, they mark my hand so that I don’t drink. It was fun seeing my managers get wasted and seeing VIPs shred the dance floor tho. Luis was there and kind of questions why I’m with David, and I get a lot of questions asking if I’m his girlfriend or not. When we get back to the hotel and check discord, Gary was upset that he missed the previous party that was a lot of fun so we threw another one. A lot of shit happened. The guys thought it would be funny to invite tall Justin’s crush to the party. Tall Justin is kinda an asshole, but I learned that he was a nice guy who put up a tough douche facade in order to not look weak in front of the other guys. When he finds out that they invite her, he storms out of the party, and I felt so bad that I chased after him, and Luis chases after me, though we come back after we can’t find him. Regi gave me some boba, so I didn’t drink that much that night, Toshi had to be restrained because he was drinking too much. I messaged David to come and tell Luis and Joseph about what happened. Jeanette takes 6 shots too many after David arrives. David flirts with tall justin’s girl to make me jealous. Eventually the shuttles stop and a couple of us decide to take the last shuttle. That night was one I’ll never forget. I was pretty drunk, and Jeanette was so gone it was so funny. Tall Justin holds Jeanette up and escorts her back, I’m mostly fine, but Luis watches out for me anyway. Mono helps Toshi, and Robert comes with us. The rest decide they’ll take an Uber later. As soon as we exit the door, Jeanette falls down and asks for water, I run back inside to get her some water, find out there’s none left and then Jeanette finds her water bottle in her shorts. Tall Justin can barely hold her up and struggles to drag her to the shuttle stop. We eventually lose Mono, Robert, and Toshi, and get on a different shuttle. Jeanette can’t even sit up and flops all over Justin, while Luis and I are losing it in the seat behind them. Once we get to the hotel, Jeanette falls on the ground in front of her room and we try to find her room key in her pockets and it ends up being demagnetized, I start running downstairs and almost trip myself, Luis yelling behind me, we get back, open the door and try to be as quiet as possible since everyone in the room is asleep. I’m holding the room door open and Jeanette complains about using the bathroom so Justin opens the door for her, but she locks herself in. After Justin finally gets her out of the room, Jeanette starts calling for Luis over and over and over. At this point I just lose it and slide to the ground, trying to keep my laughs quiet. Luis walks away from door and goes down the hall, trying not to laugh himself. Meanwhile tall Justin is whisper-yelling at us that we’re so useless. After we finally get jeanette into bed and close the door, Luis and I bust up laughing while Justin tells us that he’s never drinking with us ever again.

Day 4: A very slow day. A late shift for me, so I spent the rest of my time looking for stuff in artist alley tho I decide to cut my free time early and start going on escorts even tho I don’t need to. Last day of suits and a bunch of us leave to go see the Cowboy Bebop concert. I get sent with short Justin on an awkward coffee run. I end up stuck with Joseph, Regi, Jeff, and short Justin who decide that they shouldn’t leave me by myself, which was p nice. I didn’t know if my ride wanted to go to the AX volunteer bowling after-party, and we all decide to go. Outside I meet David’s friend Josh, who takes it upon himself to talk to me and even volunteer to escort me to the after-party. The other guys look kind of worried and walk a little bit ahead of us. When we get there, Josh says goodbye and gives me his raffle tickets. It ends up being me, Jeff, Joseph, short Justin, Mono, Robert, Daisy, Jeanette, Eric + his gf, and Luis as the crew. Justin and I have a friendly rivalry as we bowl. I get to know Daisy a little bit more and wait for my carpool to be done with his work. When Kenya gets there, we say goodbye, and everyone hugs, with Justin squeezing me for a long time and whispering to keep in touch that I don’t respond to. On the way home, we get lost trying to find an open Starbucks before Kenya loses his mind.

Post-AX, there were a lot of post-con depression feels since I ended up missing everyone hahah. I did get to hang out with Jeanette, Daisy, Joseph, and David once to get curry which was super fun, and Jordan, tall Justin, Joseph, David, Jeanette, and a few others messaged me for a good month before we both got lazy. I met a lot of good people, made a lot of good friends, bought a lot of sweet merch, learned some lessons, and enjoyed escorting. Overall, it was a really good time. I guess the biggest downside is the romantic aspect, but I guess that was just whats happens when you’re one of the only friendly, young girls in a dept. full of guys. It was nice getting free drinks tho. Tall Justin asked me out on a date over text, and when I said nah he tried to play it off like he didn’t mean to say date. Idk why Jordan messaged me after con, we didn’t really talk too much during. David still messages me and idk if it’s as friends or not. I guess the thing that I hated the most was that I couldn’t tell who was being a friend and who was hitting on me anymore. And it hurt a lot to know that people didn’t actually care who I was and only liked me because I was a young, fresh face that they thought they could teach, and then when it didn’t go well, they just stopped being friends. I came to make friends, and ofc I knew romance was a possibility, but everyone was essentially my co-worker, so why not try to get along even after the romance doesn’t work????? I just don’t get it. I’m quite thankful for Joseph tho, we ended up being pretty good friends and had some pretty interesting/deep convos. I just wish people were closer to hang out with. I’ll probably volunteer next year if nothing gets in my way as far as possible school/work. I really enjoyed the escorting, panels, and art I got to see tho!!!! I also just wish I had like even 1 friend to go with, ‘cause Ray ended up being p busy as well and our schedules didn’t always line up.

Hopefully next year is better, and I should def be more careful.

#i'm still a little satly about the events tbh #Steph volunteers at Ax #idk man like i was so disappointed that short justin gave up so fast???#like damn cant u focus on one girl #it did hurt and i cant believe i was jealous over an asshole like that????#BITTER AF #i bought so many charms but i didn't get the todoroki one cause he was too expensive and i cry #i got my boys luke deku bakugou and elliot nightray tho #plus hella prints!!!!#merch-wise im mostly happy except i regret the first poster i impulse bought #but thats just lessons learned #personal #if short justin volunteers next year #im gonna look so good that he wishes that he'd held on to me #just to spite him #long post #tldr

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