6. Overdose — Trickle
I've known from the start that it all would fall apart
Heart-broken after dark
I'm such a fool for thinking anything has love for me, hah
Overdose, hold me close, darling
Feeling so low, falling
Close my eyes and let me leave my blues behind
This is actually a piece I finished a few months ago; I had wanted to experiment with a more solid line brush, color palettes, and cropped compositions, and I figured doing an album-cover-style piece would be good practice for it! I meant to post it back when i finished it in June, because I'm honestly super proud of how it came out! But i just never got around to it— super happy I get to share it with you all now :]
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more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)
Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.
It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.
(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)
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In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.
(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)
Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.
He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.
Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.
(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)
Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.
(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)
(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)
(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)
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Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.
(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)
Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.
Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)
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Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.
I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.
(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)
In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.
And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.
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Positioning Louis as the "Edwardian wife who becomes trapped by her husband" in a literal sense does no justice to analyzing his actual place and role as a Black man in his society and in his relationship with Lestat. Any interpretation or analysis you do of him when it comes to their relationship cannot be stripped of the racial aspect because it's constantly there. Texts analyzing Edwardian wives (and particularly ones this fandom loves to bring up) typically were white and the dissection of their place in societal rules are always viewed from the aspect of gender that is within these texts only allowed to white women, but never to Black men or even Black women. And gender and race become inseparable when you discuss the latter, no matter how people may view it.
This is why I can't take this approach to analyzing Louis' story seriously because if you don't consider the racial aspect in his relationship even to himself and his sexuality, what's the point? You're still centering the standards that were more placed upon white male/female couples than you're willing to look into the unique structure of Black families, religion, their view of homosexuality and how that sooner heavily influences Louis than the family's "need" for him to be sold off to an Edwardian husband. Even in Louis' own story, him and Claudia being Black is more centered on than any demeaning "housewife" comment he tries to go against from Claudia's perspective. She makes that comment once, whereas we have at least two episodes from Louis' perspective that have very blatant hints and showings of the racism he still suffers from under the Jim Crow era and how it affects his self-worth as well as his relationship with Lestat who doesn't seem to take into consideration how any of the blatant racial aggressions and objections still affect Louis and what he considers to be important to achieve in his own life.
Then there's also the pointed topic of Louis' position as a Black man who is a pimp to the Black women he has as sex workers, as well as how his position as a Black father affects Claudia, another Black girl. If you insist on Louis being centered as this "Edwardian white wife" who is confined by his implicit gender in his marriage, where does that leave Claudia and the blatant misogyny and disrespect she gets from both him and Lestat? Lestat who is her white father abuses her. Positioning Louis within the strict confines of "being her mother" doesn't do her any favors because he didn't hesitate to choke her when he was deeply emotionally distressed, nor does it make him look any better when he's fine with chopping up her diaries and then delivering them on a silver platter so that Daniel, another white man, can read and dissect. Even if he does this under the sole pretense of "doing right by her", how does it in any way help when he also can't face up to his failures towards her?
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NaPoWriMo #14: A poem about two people who start out as enemies and become lovers
Change of Heart
In preschool you were horrid,
smashing sand into my face.
In second grade, you tripped me
in the big three-legged race.
In middle school, you mocked me
when I lost the spelling bee
and acted like you'd vomit
when you came in sight of me.
Our senior year, you saved me
when my date left me at prom.
You drove me home and helped me
to explain it to my mom.
Our freshman year of college,
we were partners in that class.
Without your help in chemistry
I never would have passed.
When Dad was in that car crash
you stayed with me while I cried.
I wanted to be with him
but I had no other ride.
You ditched all of your classes
and you took me 'cross the state.
The tacos we got afterward
were kind of our first date.
We fought at graduation
and agreed that we were through.
Then for the next two years I
thought I was well rid of you.
When in town for Joe's wedding,
I was far beyond surprised
when you found me in private
and at last apologized.
We kept in constant contact
through our emails, texts, and calls
Before long it was like we'd
never been apart at all.
I've found that I can trust you
and share with you everything
yet I didn't expect you
to show up here with a ring.
When looking at the past we've
shared, we had a rocky start,
but proofs of your good nature
gave you place within my heart.
I've seen you at your worst and
also seen you at your best,
so with how well I know you
I just have to answer
Yes.
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One of my friends asked what some of my favorite moment in Worm are and I've narrowed it down to just a few but how am I supposed to choose between "they seem like good people" I lied, or the second lung fight with the caterpillar in the eye to win, or Taylor breaking out of the burning building Coil trapped her in, or her terrorizing people while drinking tea, or when Taylor tries to 1v1 Leviathan to save people and gets her back shattered, or when Rachel saves her afterwards, or when we learn Rachel carved the names of her dogs into the monument, or when Taylor almost kills Triumph with bees, or the Mannequin fight, or running through the streets to warn people about Shatterbird's scream, or the fridge, or cutting Noelle in half, or just how hopeless the Noelle fight seemed before that with Eidolon caught, or Eidolon and Glaistig Uaine's fight with Scion, or Phir Sé's time bomb engulfing Behemoth and just obliterating him only for Behemoth to keep going, or Chevalier's interlude where he goes out to fight Behemoth alone despite being injured, or String Theory, or the wards therapy interlude where Lily can't get over how Taylor's words are stuck in her head, or Labyrinth and Burnscar reuniting, or Legend looking at the lie detector after the meeting, or Taylor hovering over the ocean knowing she doesn't have the battery in her flight pack to get back, or Aster getting shot, or the oil rig fight when Taylor crawls back up as a monster after being cut in half, or the horror of Alec's interlude, or Bonesaw having a crisis because Contessa said like 4 words to her and oh hey that parallels with you needed worthy opponents I never noticed that, or Taylor telling Eidolon and Scion to fuck off and leave, or Scion's entire interlude, or Number Man's interlude when he thinks about what it means of powers if Jack Slash's loves how he does stuff, or Kevin Norton, or Taylor ruining the chili, or the cafeteria scene where she's outed but talks her way out, or maggots in his eyes monday, or her turning herself in, or her talk with Dinah when she realizes that there's a solid chance she becomes Coil and keeps Dinah around because it's useful, or her killing Coil, or her killing Alexandria and Tagg, or the Cauldron raid where she swings a death knife through a crowd to hit one guy, or her requesting Lung cauterize her arm, or when Piggot is kidnapped and she fucks up the Undersiders just by talking, or Taylor's attempt to become besties with the Simurgh, or the Simurgh singing a lullaby to Lisa and Taylor, or the tea party with Nilbog, Taylor, Jack, and Riley, or the moment she reunites with her team post-timeskip, or when Glenn shows her a video of her being horrifying and she only thinks about her passenger moving her in it, or when her passenger makes her choke on a cockroach to save her, or going shopping with Lisa for fun, or when she helps Rachel at the shelter, or when she goes home with Brian and meets Aisha, or when we see Dinah for the first time and it's fucked, or when Taylor has Amy fuck with her brain knowing she won't come back from it, or when Lisa finally opens up and tells Taylor about her trigger, or when Taylor goes blind, or when Clockblocker keeps asking her questions in the car ride to Echdina, or when Scapegoat takes her injuries and freaks out, or when Sundancer tears off her costume and walks through the portal after killing Noelle but the pavement is cooling around her because she'll never escape her power or what she just did, or Fortuna's interlude, or Rachel stepping into Khepri's range because she trusts her, or Lisa tearing into Taylor with words after she sees what happened, or the realization she can't read anymore, or the fight with Dragon where she thinks she killed her, or all of the fight with Scion where she's controlling thousands of people while her brain deteriorates, or "finally, everyone was working together," or the talk with Contessa at the very end? How am I supposed to choose?
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