#they can smell the incel on me... sad

[reindeer-spotting]

too right who IS this scott guy???

[officialtokyosan]

..

[githling]

maybe it's the lesbian in me but there's literally no appeal to gortash. the other guys i can understand, but fucking gortash????

raphael is handsome and disgustingly charming. idk anything about haarlep yet, but he's beautiful. rolan and dammon and all the other popular male side characters all have their charm too.

but gortash looks like a sad, wet mop. a sad, manipulative, ugly wet mop. he looks like he'd be a reddit incel and smell like old ham and crusty socks. not to mention all the vile, depraved shit he's done.

and he has a stupid haircut :/

[waitimcomingtoo]

Where We Start Again - 7

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: how do you fake date someone you have real feelings for?

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

Playlist by @tiny-friggin-human

“Peter! Y/n’s here!”

Peter gave himself one last look in the mirror and let out a nervous breath. He fixed his tie, put it back to its original position, and then fixed it again. He ran his fingers through his hair one final time and left his room.

Peters legs carried him to the front door where you stood next to May. He had already seen your dress, but it took his breath away nonetheless. Your hair was in lose curls that framed your face like the worlds prettiest painting. You looked away from May and made eye contact with Peter, giving him a fond smile.

“You look incredible.” Peter laughed shyly and gave you an awkward thumbs up. “You look like how poetry sounds. Like, you are the most beautiful stanza my life has written.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” You shot back. Peter stared at you in adoration until May cleared her throat.

“Oh, right.” He looked down the at corsage in his hands and held it out to you. “This is for you.”

You took the corsage from Peter and smiled gratefully. Through the plastic box, you could see a corsage of daises held together by a florescent wrist band.

“It’s um, daises…for my daisy.”

“I thought your name was Y/n?” May whispered in your ear.

“It is.” You told her. “It’s his nickname for me.”

“Aw.” She gushed and looked to Peter. “I love that. Okay, get together.”

You and Peter spent the next ten minutes in various poses while May snapped pictures. Peter could sense some distance between the two of you and he wondered if something was bothering you. Not wanting to ruin the dance for you, he didn’t bring it up.

“Okay, we’re going now May. Don’t wait up.” Peter kissed his aunts cheek before ushering you out the door.

“Are you ready?” Peter asked once you got in the elevator.

“How bad is this gonna mess up my hair?” You whined and smoothed your hair down.

“Baby girl, this is going to give you that beautiful, windswept look that all the girls will be jealous of.” Peter explained as you steppes off the elevator and onto tour roof.

“You know, most girls get a limo.” You pointed out.

“Yeah well,” Peter wrapped his arm around your waist and held you tightly, “most girls aren’t dating Spider-Man.”

You cracked a smile before you booth dove off the building and swung to prom.

~

Since neither you or Peter were big dancers, you took a seat on the bleachers and just talked while the rest of the class had fun. He could tell you were reserved tonight, not taking his hand or showing affection like you normally would. He figured it was probably since today was the last day of your fake relationship. That told him that it was just pretend for you, and you were through pretending. Anything MJ or Ned told him about you liking him back want true, and he just had to accept that.

A sadness began to sink into Peter as he realized this would be the last time he could call you his girlfriend or be with you in this way. It was taking away his ability to enjoy the dance and all he could do was hope you couldn’t tell.

“I’ll be right back. I just want to make sure the DJ got my updated playlist.” You squeezed Peters arm and got off the bleachers.

“I’ll be here.” He told you and you gave him a tight smile before leaving.

Once you were out of earshot, Peter let out a loud sigh. It was all too much. You looked too beautiful and he was going to miss you too much. Now that he had gotten everything he ever wanted, he felt listless and empty. Ned noticed his best friends glum face and brought him a cup of punch. Peter gratefully accepted the punch and scooted over something Ned could sit.

“Why do you look so miserable? You’re at the school dance with Y/n L/n.” Ned shook his arm anxiously. “This is our peak, Peter. It’s all downhill from here.”

“Because it all ends after tonight. She’s not gonna be my fake girlfriend anymore. We won’t have an excuse to hang out.” Peter mumbled as he dug his shoe into the floor.

“I thought we were gonna get the gross sandwich every year?” Ned reminded him.

“I doubt it. She’s gonna graduate and go off to do amazing things and forget all about me. And even if we do keep the tradition, that’s one day a year where I’ll have to listen to her talk about how everyone at college loves her because how could they not and I’ll just have to sit there and pretend I’m not in love with her.” Peter shrugged sadly. “She has the world at her fingertips, Ned. She’s gonna be over me by tomorrow and I’m gonna be crying in a bar on my 29th birthday party about how I let her get away while a Coldplay song plays.”

“Hauntingly specific.” Ned muttered.

“I lied to you.” Peter looked at him. “I knew what this was and I still got hurt.”

“Peter, don’t smile because it happened. Cry because it’s over.” Ned said sympathetically. Peter stared at him for a while and ultimately decided not to tell Ned that he messed up the saying.

“Hey, Peter.” Flash nodded at the boys as he approached them. “Hey Justin. Could you give us a minute?”

“Justin?” Ned whispered to himself before walking away. Flash patted him on the back and took a seat next to Peter.

“I think that’s the first time you ever called me by my real name.” Peter chuckled humorlessly as he watched you from across the gym.

“Your girlfriend kinda ruined Penis Parker for me.” Flash told him. “Every time I think about it, my mind goes to terrifying places. I couldn’t sleep for a week.”

“Yeah, she has that affect on people.” Peter smiled to himself.

“I’m not dumb.” Flash said suddenly. “I act dumb and say dumb things, but I’m third in the class. It goes Y/n, you, and me.”

“I never knew that.” Peter looked at him curiously. “I honestly didn’t think you could read.”

“Well I can. Books and people. And I’ve been reading your girlfriend for a while.” Flash said pointedly. Every time he called you his girlfriend, it cut Peter like a knife. All it did was remind him that after tonight, he could never call you that again.

“What do you mean?”

“I know it was fake.” Flash admitted and Peters eyes went wide. “There was no way you started going out with that girl and didn’t tell anybody. I only played along because I wanted to see how far it would go. I wondered how the smartest girl in school was gonna figure out how to get out of going to a dance she planned with a total loser. I thought she was gonna back down after a day, but she just got stronger. It’s like when you spray a bug with Raid and it comes back at you with a vengeance.” Flash shuddered. “That’s what she did. I heard MJ and Ned talking about it in English. They said you guys went dress shopping together, baked cookies together, stuff like that. And she learned to play your favorite song or something?”

“Yeah.” Peter smiled at the memory. “She did.”

“That’s what I mean. That’s not fake. Maybe the first day was about proving a point to me, but all the other days weren’t.” Flash explained. “I doubt I crossed her mind once in the past two weeks. She wasn’t doing it for me. She was doing it for you.”

Peters face twisted in confusion at Flash’s words.

“But this was her idea.” Peter told him. “I gave her a million chances to back out but she insisted on faking a relationship.”

“Listen Peter, no one saw this coming. Least of all, her. By some God, she fell in love with you for real. Everyone can see that but you.” Flash clapped Peter on the back. “She’s happier, she laughs louder, she even wears your hoodie when you’re not around. I live in her building, dude. I see her getting her mail every morning in that thing. I think she sleeps in it.”

“Really?” Peters lips curved into a smile.

“Yes, dumbass.” Flash grunted. “This isn’t fake for her. You stumbled into some teen movie plot where the hot girl falls in love with the nerd and they defy all odds and end up together. I mean, look around Peter. You are at the senior dance with the girl every boy in our class wanted to go with. She could have had any of these dumbasses but she picked the biggest dumbass of all. She picked you. And instead of going out there and enjoying the dance with her, you’re over here sulking about how she’ll never like you back.”

“You’re also over here sulking.” Peter reminded him.

“That’s just my face.” Flash snapped and went quiet for a moment. “You know she got into Harvard?”

“What?” Peter practically yelled. You had definitely not told him about that.

“Yeah. Like I said, I see her at the mailbox. I saw her open the letter.” Flash continued. “I also eavesdropped on her conversation with MJ about getting in.”

“What did she say? And why didn’t she tell me?” Peter wondered out loud.

“She said she’s not going.” Flash shrugged.

“What? Why not? That’s her dream school.” Peter exclaimed. He was frustrated now. Frustrated that you hadn’t told him and frustrated that you were trying to turn it down.

“Are you really that dumb?” Flash asked in annoyance.

“Apparently.” Peter stated, still not getting it.

“She’s not going because of you, you incel.” Flash said abruptly. “I heard her tell MJ that you were staying in New York for college and she didn’t want to leave you.”

“She’s staying for me?” Peter asked, mostly to himself.

“Yep.” Flash nodded gratuitously. “Apparently she’s not as smart as she seems.”

Peters shoulders slumped as he mulled over what Flash told him.

“She can’t throw away her life like this. Not for me.” He shook his head decidedly. “I could never make her happy.”

“Well, that’s a given, no?” Flash asked him. “You’re not good enough for her. And not even on a popular versus non popular spectrum. She is an angel among us and you build Lego lamps and smell like baby oil. You’re a loser, Peter. You are always going to be a loser.” Flash put his hand on Peters back and pointed to you. “But a girl like that is going places. And now she’s giving up her dream school for a guy she’s known for two weeks. Do you really want to be the thing that holds her back?”

Peter thought about it for a second and shook his head. Flash was right. Just like MJ, he wasn’t trying to be mean. Peter was a loser. In that moment as you gave him a flirty wave from across the gym, he knew he loved you too much to let you waste your life on him.

“No, I don’t.” He realized. “I can’t let her do that. I have to let her go.”

“If you do, can you tell me? I wanna be her rebound.” Flash rubbed his hands together as he stared at you.

“Sure.” Peter stood you and realized what Flash said. “I mean, no. Ew.”

Peter was about to walk away when he turned back around to look at Flash.

“Hey Flash?”

“What?” He grumbled.

“Thanks.” Peter smiled. “Third in the class is really cool.”

With that, Peter pushed his way through the student body to get to you. He had decided to break things off after the dance, rather than during. You worked so hard planning it and he wasn’t about to be the jerk that ruined it for you. The way your eyes lit up as Peter made his way to you killed him inside. He could barely stand to look at you, knowing what he was gonna have to do later that night.

“Hey daisy.” He gave you a tight smile. Now that he was closer, he could see you were upset about something. He began to fear that someone had told you about the conversation he had with Flash.

“Hi Peter.” You smiled sadly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I put real beta fish in the centerpieces because I wanted this dance to be elegant and creative but the fish keep dying so everyone has dead fish on their table and it’s disgusting and Stacy the vegan started crying and I ruined the dance.” You said all in one breath, punctuating your rant by resting your forehead against Peters shoulder. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back.

“Hey hey hey, the dance isn’t ruined.” He assured you and pulled away so he could look at you. “I’ll get Ned to get rid of the centerpieces and then the problem will be gone. I have a feeling he’s going to love this task.”

“This is all my fault.” You whimpered. “This is what I get for buying 200 fish off a guy who swiped my credit card through a crack between two bricks. I’m such a bad business mogul. I’m never gonna be on the cover of Forbes magazine.” You began to cry and buried your face in Peters chest again.

“Daisy, it’s okay.” He chuckled and got the hair out of your face. “Forbes is still gonna put you on the cover. And I’m gonna buy every copy and tell everyone I know that that was my fake girlfriend in high school. You haven’t ruined anything. Everyone is enjoying the dance, see?”

You lifted your head of Peters chest to look around the dance floor. Your senior class was laughing, dancing, and all round having a good time.

“You think so?” You looked at Peter tearfully.

“Absolutely.” He smiled sweetly. “I’ve had a bunch of people come up to me and tell me my girlfriend planned an awesome dance. Everyone is having a great time.”

“Thanks, Peter.” You hugged him again and he could feel your body relax.

“I’m gonna go tell Ned to take care of the fish. Stay here.” He ordered and left to find Ned. Luckily, he spotted Ned gaping at one of the centerpieces close by.

“Dude, these fish are dead.” Ned said as Peter approached him.

“I know and it’s really bumming Y/n out.” Peter told him. “I need you to collect all the center pieces and throw them out. But check if the fish are alive first.”

“I was put on this planet to complete this task.” Ned grinned and saluted Peter.

“I know buddy.” Peter saluted him back and turned on his heel to go back to you.

“Wait, what do I do with the alive ones?” Ned asked.

“Save them for us, obviously.”

“Hell yeah.” Ned pumped his fist. “Okay, I’ll get on it.”

Peter smiled in relief and went back over to where you were.

“Your centerpieces are taken care of, my lady.” Peter declared, making you smile widely.

“Thank you.” You gushed. “I’ll have to thank Ned too. He’s doing it so fast, it’s like he’s done it before.”

“The scary part is, I feel like Ned would be the type of person to have collected tiny fish corpses during a school dance before.” Peter said as he watched his best friend steal fish from decorative centerpieces.

“You two are really something.” You laughed and took one of Peters hands. He held your hand with both of his and patted it gently.

“Yeah.” He laughed before his eyes shifted to the right. “Flash is staring at us.”

“Then let’s give him something to stare at.” You shrugged and dragged Peter to the middle of the dance floor. He gulped, having a feeling where you were going with this.

“I don’t really know how to dance.” He told you once you got to the center.

“Then I’ll lead. Just put your hands on my hips and sway.” You instructed Peter and he complied. “And hold tight. We’re dating, after all.”

“Like this?” Peter held your hips firmly and looked to you for approval.

“That’s perfect.” You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Come closer, though.”

Peter stepped closer so your bodies were pressed together. You and Peter kept in time with the song and swayed softly to the music. Peter couldn’t get over how pretty you looked in your dress. He was sure the sight of your standing in his doorway was one he would never forget. You looked absolutely enchanting and it made his heart swell and burst. The past two weeks of getting to know you were a dream come true for him, and it killed him that the dream was about to end. And he just hated that he had to break your heart.

“I’m sorry you have to spend your senior dance with me.” Peter said suddenly. “I’m sure this wasn’t a part of the plan when you stood up for me in the hallway.”

“It wasn’t, but it worked out.” You shrugged. “I was gonna ask you to the dance anyway.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because you were taking too long to ask me.” You mocked him. Peter smiled timidly and looked down at his shoes.

“I was a little busy fighting off the hundreds of girls competing for my attention with a longsword.” He said apologetically.

“Ha ha.” You laughed sarcastically. “They better know to stay away from my man.”

“I’m kidding. You have absolutely no competition, in a hot way.” He added. “I don’t think girls can even see me. Like, their brain blocks me out. And two week ago, I didn’t have the courage to say “bless you” after you sneezed. I never could’ve asked you to the dance.“

“Can you stop that?” You looked at him angrily.

“Stop what?” He asked.

“Belittling yourself.” You answered. “You’re a really, really good guy Pete. You’re sweet and you’re funny and super ripped for some reason. How come you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. Girls don’t really go for the winner of the science fair. I’m not what they want.”

“Then they’re stupid. No wonder I’m number one in the class.” You smiled smugly and brushed some hair off your shoulder.

“What about you? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” He wondered. “And I know for a fact your excuse is not the same as mine, so don’t even try it. I’ve seen boys break up with their girlfriends just because you walked by.”

“Those boys don’t want me.” You shook your head and readjusted your arms around Peters neck. “They want the most popular girl in school. They’re looking for status and a good parking spot and a seat at the cool kids table. If I wasn’t popular, they would never look my way.”

“Yeah. I hear boys hate it when girls are pretty.” Peter nodded like he understood.

“Shut up. I’m being serious.” You whined. You got quiet suddenly and refused to meet Peters eyes as you stared at the ground. “Do you ever feel unlovable?”

“Sometimes. Or hard to love, at least.” He answered honestly and looked at you out of curiosity. “Do you?”

You looked up at Peter with a pained look in your eye.

“I look in the mirror sometimes and I have to wonder, is this it?” You whispered. “And if it is, how is this gonna be enough for someone? How is someone going to love this? If you’re in a room full of beautiful flowers in full bloom, no ones gonna pick a daisy.”

“Don’t say that. Someone would.” Peter tightened his grip on your waist, angry that you would say something like that about the girl he loved. You looked at Peter and smiled a little.

“Being with you is the first time I’ve felt like someone could love me.” You spoke softly. “And it’s the first time I’ve felt like I could lo-“

“Don’t say it.” Peter cut you off. If you said what he thought you were about to say, he would never be able to let you go. It was hard enough already to leave you. If he knew you loved him, he coudk never bring himself to do it. Your face went pale and rigid, thinking Peter cut you off because he was rejecting you once again.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You let go of Peter, all the emotions from the night before hitting you once again. “I have to go.”

You began to walk away from Peter but he grabbed your arm gently and turned you around.

“Daisy, wait.” He stopped you and held you in place. His mind was a battlefield. He knew he had to let you go, but it killed him inside to do it. He just needed one last chance to look at you.

“What are we doing here, Peter?” You laughed sadly. “We said this ends with the dance. Just let me go.”

You broke out of his grip and started walking away away.

“I can’t. Not when I - - just please don’t leave.” He pleaded. Before you could respond, a familiar song played through the speakers. “Hey There Delilah.” Peter mumbled as the bass vibrated in his chest.

“I made the playlist.” You shrugged. “I really have to go. Say So is next and if I see Ned doing that dance one more time…” Your voice cracked before you turned away from him and ran out of the gym, shoving the doors open and escaping through them. Peter watched you leave as he wondered what went wrong so quickly. He knew you well enough by now to know something even bigger was bothering you, he just couldn’t figure out what. He ran after you and caught up to you in the parking lot.

“Daisy - daisy wait.” He called but you kept running. “Will you stop? How do you run so fast in heels?”

“Go away, Peter.” You spun around and he could see the tears in your eyes. You held yourself for a moment as the cold air hit your exposed arms, still warm from the dance.

“No. I’m not gonna go away until you tell me what’s bothering you.” Peter declared. “What happened back there?”

“Why don’t you want me?” You cried before Peter could finish his sentence. He recoiled a little, completely taken aback by your question.

“What?”

“Why don’t you want me?” You repeated, black tears now streaming down your cheeks.

“Of course I want you. You’re the one who doesn’t want me.” He protested. That’s what he had told himself every second of this fake relationship. That’s what he had to cling to if he was gonna do this.

“Are you kidding me?” You shouted and laughed at the absurdity. “What’s not clicking?”

Peter licked his lips and looked you firmly in the eyes. He couldn’t let you tell him that you loved him. That would only make this harder. If he was going to let you go, he was going to have to do it now.

“What’s not clicking is that you’re delusional. You think you like me? You think you want nerdy friends and baking dates? You don’t.” He snapped. “You live a charmed life! You’re surrounded by people who worship you and you act like that’s a bad thing. You wanna shit on your fake friends and their fake parties, well fine.” Peter held up his hands. “But I don’t want any part of it. Because who are we fooling here, honestly? Let’s not pretend that a girl like you would ever be interested in a guy like me.”

“A girl like me?” You asked through gritted teeth. His behavior was so out of character for him that you almost didn’t believe was you were hearing. Peter could tell from the look on your face that he was hurting you, but he couldn’t let up. He had to destroy the home you built in him so you wouldn’t want to stay anymore.

“A popular girl!” He yelled in a mocking tone. “A popular, pretty girl who has no business hanging out with losers like me and Ned.”

“I like hanging out with you and Ned.” You protested.

“Why? Because you want to be different? Because you want to prove to yourself that your heart is made of gold because you fell in love with a nerd during a fake relationship” he pouted sarcastically and you started to cry again. “Guess what, Y/n? You didn’t fall in love with me. You were never going to fall in love with me.” His voice cracked and he wondered briefly who his words hurt more. “You said it yourself. You’re the deity and I’m just the hopeless loser who fell for you. What a wonderful world.”

“What happened to you? I thought you were different.” You sniffled and folded your arms. It was a miracle you hadn’t walked away yet, so Peter had to keep going.

“Well, I’m not. I’m exactly like everyone else. Did you think I was interested in you because you paint and play the guitar?” He laughed bitterly. “No. I liked you because you’re hot and popular, and I wanted to be hot and popular like you. The sooner you accept that you’ll never be more than a pretty face, you’ll find that happiness you’re so desperate to achieve. You know, the one you’ve been looking for in me? Look at yourself. You act all high and mighty, claiming that everyone wants something from you, but let’s face it, daisy. No ones ever gonna want anything more from you than a smile.”

“That’s not true.” You said weakly. Peter began to tear up at how horribly he was treating you, but he pushed through it.

“Isn’t it?” He tilted his head. “You think you’re unloveable? You know what, you probably are.”

“How could you say that to me? This isn’t you.” You spat and took a step away from you. This was a good sign for Peter. He was finally driving you away.

“This is me. This is everybody. Out here, people are gonna pick your daisies and rip the petals off while you watch. But this is what you chose, isn’t it?” He taunted. “Do you still want to join me and the rest of the island of misfit toys or do you want to go back inside and enjoy your dance with your pretty, popular friends? The choice is yours.”

You marched up to Peter and got incredibly close to his close, staring at him with clear eyes.

“The choice was mine and I picked you.” You stated. “I know this relationship started out as fake, but my feelings for you have always been real. I thought you felt the same but then I kissed you and you - - you rejected me!” Your face scrunched up in pain and Peter finally understood where you outburst came from. “I’ve been trying to act like everything’s fine for your sake when it’s not. But maybe that was a waste. Maybe you deserved to know how shitty I was feeling because you certainly didn’t hold back on me.”

You backed away from Peter and started towards the parking lot while Peter processed what you said. You had just confirmed what he never thought would be true.

You liked him.

No, you loved him.

And he had just obliterated any chance he had with you.

All your trust, feelings, and friendship was laid to waste by Peters hands.

Hearing it from you removed the cloud from his brain and he could finally see how stupid his plan was. Being mean to you to get you to leave him for Harvard might work, but it would hurt all parties in the process. You’d go back to where you started, only more broken than Peter had found you. He couldn’t let his first relationship, be it real or fake, end like this.

“Daisy.” He called as he ran after you. You turned around with a searing anger in your eyes.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore. Peter got to call me that but this”, you gestured right him weakly, “this isn’t Peter. I want no part of this.”

“Please, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He begged for your forgiveness, which he already knew he didn’t deserve.

“No, I know what you were thinking.” You stopped him. “You were scared because this got too real for you and thought if you ruined it before it even happened, you couldn’t ruin it later when it actually mattered.”

“That’s actually better than my reasoning and now that I think about it, that was definitely a factor.” Peter realized how right you were. He knew he didn’t deserve you so he sabotaged it before it could happen.

“I was scared too, Peter. But instead of running away from the unknown, I ran towards it. I guess you just don’t have that in you.” You shrugged and he felt your words chill him to the bone.

“Wait, just let me explain-“

“I loved you.” You cut him off and the blood drained from his face. “For what it’s worth, I absolutely loved you. It was never fake for me. I’m so sick of pretending.”

And with that, you walked away.

“Y/n, wait.” He called weakly, but he knew you weren’t gonna come back. He got what he wanted. He drove you away, just like he planned. But if that was the goal, why did he feel so awful inside?

“But I was never pretending.” He mumbled.

Tag List 🏷

@a-villain-vying-for-attention @wendaiii @dorbiksbitch @t-monosapiens-h @badhollandfluff @silteplaittais-toi @thisisthebiplace @seasidecrowbar @spideygirl2003 @5-seconds-of-mendes @bitchylittleredhead @oh-whatabeautiful-parker @everydaymj @write-from-the-heart @blackpetalsmeandeath @electraheart-3174 @shawni-h @peterparkoure @sleepythighsweat @steebbb @traveleraroundsworld @averyfosterthoughts @bralessandflawless @viwihere @eridanuswave @the-greatt-perhaps​ @spidey-lillies @kelieah @danicarosaline @xroselights @xoxohollands​ @jannine00742 @itscaminow @peterisinapickle @starstruckgardenstudentzonk @danicarosaline @potter-head-phanatic @peepeeparkerr @muade-mua-de @liljennyx3

[doublekrecs]

ethanol (k. tetsuro)

ethanol (k. tetsuro)

synopsis: your lab partner in chem is annoying.

word count: 4.2 k

college!au, barista!akaashi, e2l, mean!kuroo, meg thee stallion stan!atsumu fem!reader

warnings: a lil angsty, swearing, nsfw, smut, some semi x reader smut, fingering, oral, face sitting, drunk sex, drinking, mentions of weed, degradation, hate sex??, unprotected sex, overstimulation, a lil breathplay?

walking into a stem class, especially chemistry, you expected at least a few girls to be in there with a male majority. it’s not that you didn’t get along with boys, in fact, your best friends were men themselves. but being a girl in a science class meant constantly being talked down upon, sometimes sexualized by some weird ass incels.

so when you walked into your small class as the only girl who knew no one with nowhere to sit, you settled for the next best thing: sitting next to a guy who had seemingly okay vibes. and you spotted exactly that. you couldn’t deny that he was kind of hot, a little rugged looking with his messy rooster hair. though he was only sitting down, you were also able to tell he had some height on him.

you took your seat next to him and waited in silence for the professor to start the class. this class is only a semester long. this repeated in your head like a mantra. one semester. one semester. and it’s next to a seemingly normal hot guy. you could do this. as the professor got right into the topic, you got to work right away. notes were scribbled, important topics were highlighted, your focus completely spent on the class.

“god, your perfume reeks. what did you do? dump the whole bottle?”

you looked to your left. gears were turning in your head and you felt yourself tense at the sound of his first spoken words. are you fucking serious? yeah, you liked your vanilla scented perfume. bokuto did, too. hinata loved it. akaashi was indifferent, but he never said anything negative. one semester, you repeated to yourself. one semester.

“your hair looks like absolute shit, but you don’t see me complaining about it.”

and that was your first impression of kuroo tetsuro, your lab partner. a complete asshole.

-

“and he fucking asked me if i dumped a bottle of perfume on myself! i’m not going to survive this semester with this rooster bitch.”

you sighed loudly and turned to bokuto and hinata who listened intently. while you came down from your red, hot anger, the faces of these two angels helped you feel good again.

“i’m sorry, (y/n), but there’s this one guy in my math class you might get along with. he said he was taking the same chem class, so just tell me when you need help,” bokuto responded, putting his arm around you, “but for now, it’s dinner time.”

“from where?”

“osamu. hinata won a bet against atsumu and now we have free onigiris.”

hinata snickered in the kitchen while akaashi typed away on his laptop. your roommates really were the sweetest.

-

for the next two weeks, the class slowly started more and more labs. you and kuroo mostly stayed silent unless you needed to talk about what to do with various liquids or what solid formed from what. it was okay like this. he was tolerable, except when-

“you’re off by one mililliter.”

“what?”

“you heard me, you’re off by a milliliter.”

you turned to kuroo and your sight is met with his usual stoic expression, “does it even matter? this is a huge beaker and one milliliter is like nothing compared to the rest of the solution.”

“you want to get consistent results, don’t you? so stop being sloppy or else we’re both going to fail this class. you can’t treat this class like the way you treat your perfume.”

shock took over, then boiling anger.

“sloppy? you come here looking like a fucking rooster.”

“what do you mean?”

“have you brushed your fucking hair in the last 3 years? have you looked in the mirror?”

just one semester. one semester.

you calmly composed yourself, remembering that bokuto and hinata had planned a movie night. you can get through this stupid class period. -

“and he lost his shit over one fucking milliliter! can you believe it?”

akaashi listened as he poured the milk into your coffee. you always liked to visit the cafe during the slow hours to check up on your roomie. plus, the quiet atmosphere, the smell of pastries, and akaashi’s pretty face was the perfect setting for ranting about your stupid fucking lab partner.

“i don’t know, (y/n). he’s a bit of an asshole, but maybe he’s just meticulous. it could be a good thing, you know.”

“metic-a-what? i need you to translate your big boy vocabulary, kaash.”

“you know i hate that nickname.”

“yet you have no problem when bokuto calls you that. you’re warming up.” he sighed in response while you gave a toothy grin back up at him.

“you got me there. but what i’m trying to say is that he pays attention to small details. he looks at little intricacies, especially in your assignments.”

“intri-ca-what?”

-

the next month of chem went by fast. you and kuroo had little snarky remarks here and there, but nothing too bad. he was just less of an asshole for right now.

you sat in your usual spot with the same scent of vanilla lingering on you since the first day of school. the class period went by with the usual routine: notebook? check. pen? check. highlighters? check. asshole lab partner? check. until halfway through the lecture-

“shit.” the highlighter ink was running low, your notes were getting less and less vibrant. while you knew highlighting signified some kind of shallow understanding of the subject, color coding helped you organize your thoughts.

you made a note to yourself to buy a new pack the next day.

but then the next day came and there was already a new one at your desk. midliners, in fact, the ones with prettier colors. the ones that were slightly more expensive than your usual ones with a post it note that read your name on it. you had no problem with accepting this anonymous gift, picking it up with admiration shining in your eyes. now you can continue class with your usual routine: notebook? check. pen? check. highlighters? check. asshole lab partner? check.

-

“so no one was going to tell us that we were going to throw a party tonight?”

akaashi spoke sternly to the two children on the couch while you prepared some snacks. for a party. that you discovered was happening tonight. ten minutes ago.

“aghaaashi, we haven’t thrown one in awhile. plus, it’s been awhile since all of us drank together.” bokuto whined. hinata had his full puppy dog eyes on as if he was a little boy begging their dad for a puppy.

“fine. but if anyone throws up, you guys are the ones cleaning the bathroom.”

while akaashi turned around, the children celebrated by excitedly putting out their drinks. this was going to be a long night.

-

there’s some whores in this house. there’s some whores in this house. there’s some whores in this house.

dim lights? check. henny and sprite? check. meg thee stallion? check. the basic tools necessary for a fun night.

tsumu drunkenly held onto you as if you were some kind of pillar. who knew it only took a few shots for such a big man to lose his ability to walk straight?

“(y/n)!!! wap is playing!!!”

“i know, baby, it’s your song!!”

“i know damn well flattykawa isn’t stealing the fucking show!! hold my drink, babe.”

that’s when you kissed his cheek good luck and your buddy disappeared onto the dance floor. and your eyes were met with the sight of a pretty boy staring at you.

“kaashi, who’s that?” your roommate turned to you, the pretty boy, then back to you.

“semi eita. he was in one of my literature classes. he was also on the volleyball team at shiratorizawa in high school.”

“the one with big daddy ushiwaka?”

“yeah,” he grimaced, “he’s in a band now.”

“A BAND??”

“you know what? just remember to use protection-“

kaashi was interrupted by the sight of tsumu throwing it back to hinata. the tangerine haired child really was doing his best, but tsumu was a big man. although, he really did show oikawa up.

“shoyo is so small. is he going to be okay?”

“not my problem.”

your focus went back up to the blondish grey haired musician. ruffled hair, cuffed jeans, a loose shirt. semi eita. huh. you took your last sip and discarded the red solo cup. you took another peak at him. bedroom eyes.

“hey, (y/n), the guy in my math class just got here- oh.”

“i’m gonna have to meet him some other time, bokuto.”

kuroo poured himself another drink and immediately found bokuto full of energy and red faced from the alcohol. a hyena laugh filled the room at the sight of hinata and tsumu, until he scanned the rest of room and saw you. in the hallway. with some guy with grey hair. who you led to an empty room. his heart dropped a little, but he didn’t know why.

“hey, my roommate is kinda busy right now so i can’t really introduce you two,” bokuto apologized, “why do you look like that?”

“like what, owl head?”

“sad.” he spoke with concern.

“oh, i thought i saw this one girl from one of my classes. but it doesn’t matter. let’s go drink.”

-

not even ten minutes later, you were in your bedroom with the pretty grey haired musician, most of your clothes already on the floor. you straddled him and cupped his face as his lips met yours, then your neck, then your shoulder.

his fingers found their way into your panties, quickly finding your clit as he sucked the sweet spot on your neck.

“s-semi.” you whined, grinding on his hand.

“you wanna cum on my fingers first, babe?”

you nodded quickly, lips once again meeting his. he laid you down on your bed, head resting in the crook of your neck. you felt two fingers enter you as semi curled them, his thumb rubbing your clit. the pace was agonizingly slow, but the more vocal you were, the more he sped up.

“you’re so fucking wet, baby. you’re so fucking tight.” he mumbled in your ears.

his mouth made contact with your nipple, swirling his hot tongue over the hardened bud. his mouth continued to move south, eventually replacing his thumb. you felt his tongue circle your clit quickly as his fingers continued the assault on your g spot. you clenched around his fingers, letting out small whines as the coil in you began to tighten.

“i’m going to cum, semi.” you breathed out.

he let out a low groan of affirmation, “don’t hold back, then.” his fingers began to move faster, your g spot being hit even harder. his mouth was back on your clit, sucking the small nub harshly. your thighs began to shake as his fingers fucked you through your high.

he pulled his fingers and his mouth met yours once again, your teeth pulling on his bottom lip. his fingers were brought up to your lips and you sucked on them greedily. this was going to be one hell of a night.

-

the crackling sound of the oil filled your ears as akaashi cracked some eggs onto the pan. the smell of food and coffee drifted in the apartment. the morning after was always nice for you two since you guys rarely drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol. sure, you had to take out some trash and clean up here and there, but surprisingly, no one threw up last night.

“when do you think bokuto and hinata are going to wake up this time?” you asked sipping your coffee while akaashi added rice onto the pan.

“hinata’s awake, he just feels like shit. bokuto fell asleep in the bath tub, so you know the drill.”

you nodded, walking up to the fridge to make your classic hangover concoction. as if on cue, bokuto walked into the living room with his fingers pressed onto his temple and hair looking all sad.

“good morning, you baby.”

“you hooked up with semi, didn’t you?” bokuto responded with a smirk on his face.

“i did what?”

and that was the moment semi decided to emerge from your bedroom shamelessly. his hair was messy, his clothes were all disheveled, and the memories from last night hit you all at once. you didn’t even notice that he was sleeping next to you in your bed when you walked straight to the kitchen for breakfast.

“morning.” he smiled at you and gave you a peck on the cheek. bokuto snickered while akaashi was unphased by the interaction.

“morning.” you responded, your face getting hot as you recalled the events of last night. he was good. very good. you couldn’t deny the fact that he had some talented fingers. and a pretty good stroke game.

“you want any coffee?” akaashi offered, as semi headed towards the door.

“no, i’m good. i’m supposed to eat breakfast with wakatoshi.” he replied groggily. semi let out a yawn and bid bokuto and akaashi a farewell before he pulled you aside.

“thanks for last night. call me if you want to do it again some other time. or not.”

you nodded, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks as he left.

“(y/n), you fucking asshole!! you were supposed to get with the guy in my math class!! i knew him in high school he’s a big sweet nerd!” bokuto whined.

“yeah, yeah, i’ll meet him when there’s another party. me and semi were just a one time thing.” you brushed him off as you put all the ingredients in the blender for the hungover children.

-

“all of you are going to have to collaborate with your partner for this lab report.”

you threw your head back with a silent groan. this was going to be a long assignment. you looked to the asshole on your left. his face was expressionless as he looked back at you.

“i know you despise me, but we both want an A on this.”

you couldn’t disagree with him. he had become more tolerable the past few months, often lending you notes that you had missed with the addition of some snarky comment. plus, you often got good scores on your assignments, some of his insight being helpful. at this point, you had developed the habit of going to the cafe akaashi worked at after to rant. he would make you some coffee, lend you some advice, and calm you down as you ranted about your asshole lab partner. it was a whole routine.

“fine. the cafe after class. my friend works there and it isn’t too crowded.”

“okay.”

the rest of the class period went by in the blink of an eye and you finally found yourselves entering the small shop. the scent of coffee and pastries filled your nostrils and a sense of happiness and familiarity flowed through your veins.

“kuroo?” akaashi furrowed his eyebrows.

“kaaaashi!!” he responded excitedly, “i didn’t know you worked here.”

“well, i gotta make money somehow. plus, (y/n) here likes to snag some free coffee during my shifts.” akaashi narrowed his eyes at you.

“wait, you two know each other?” you asked. how did this asshole know your sweet, stoic roommate?

“our volleyball teams played a lot in high school. i used to practice with bokuto and akaashi. you’re their roommate?”

the barista nodded as he prepared your iced coffee, “i was just at your party a week ago. small world.”

kuroo looked at you and the puzzle pieces came together in his head. so this was the cute roommate bokuto boasted about. not bad.

“how do you two know each other?”

“he’s my lab partner.” you grumbled quietly.

“you wanna say that a little louder, sweetheart?”

you flinched at the nickname while kaashi tried his best to hide a smile. it was a small world indeed.

the next few hours were spent sitting across from kuroo, entering data, highlighting important results, interpreting the recorded numbers. it was plain busy work in a cafe, but it oddly felt warm. when it came to writing about applications, kuroo seemed a little better than just tolerable. you would have an idea and he wouldn’t shut it down. instead, he engaged in them and spoke with intent. you would make a small connection to an environmental solution and his face would light up and his eyes would widen in excitement. the input that followed was filled with insight and it almost felt like his heart would pour out. he really did live and breathe chemistry. it was nice to see someone just as passionate as you are.

the bell of the cafe rang signifying another customer. you instinctively looked up, your face immediately lighting up.

“tsum-tsum!!” you jumped excitedly, “i haven’t seen you since you threw back to hinata bokuto’s party!!”

“please do not remind me,” he said with a disappointed sigh, but quickly turned back to his trademark smirk, “but did i look better than flattykawa?” he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“no.”

“wow, that was cold.”

while tsumu ordered his muffin, you let kuroo know that you were going to take a small ten minute break to catch up with tsumu to which he responded with a grumble.

you quickly got up and sat at another table with tsumu, quickly catching up about the past week and telling him all about kuroo.

“ooo (y/n), you wanna kiss him so bad? he probably wants it, too. i can feel his death glares.” tsumu said with a wide grin and raised eyebrows.

“what? no! that’s my asshole lab partner!” you whisper yelled back.

“whatever you say. the fact you two hate each other thickens the sexual tension, baby girl,” tsumu stood up and placed a kiss on your cheek, “remember to come to my volleyball game on friday, there’s gonna be a party at later that night. i’m sure bokuto told you already.”

you nodded and pulled him into a hug before he left.

“so miya atsumu, huh?” kuroo spoke up as you returned with your iced coffee.

“what about him?”

“you’re dating? i don’t see another reason to waste time that could be used on a project that’s worth a good chunk of our grade.” he replied snarkily.

“he’s a friend, i don’t see why you need to be a dick about me wanting to catch up with a friend.” your head hurt. fifteen minutes ago, he was sweet and insightful. but now, he was a cold asshole again. what the fuck was this guy’s problem?”

“well maybe you should stop slutting around with your ‘friends’ while we’re supposed to be working.” you scoffed. slutting around? is he fucking serious?

“i can’t believe i thought you were a sweet person for a few hours. i can’t stay here if i’m just going to get slut shamed for the rest of our work time. i’ll see you in class tomorrow, you fucking asshole.”

you got up and checked up on akaashi who was already clocking out. he was going to get an earful on the way home tonight.

-

“(y/n), you better not hook up with anyone tonight. you’re meeting my classmate tonight and i don’t want to have to tell him that you were ‘busy’ again.” bokuto pointed at you with a stern look on his face.

“yeah okay, ko.”

“good.”

you walked out to the living room with some light makeup and a skirt. hinata’s eyes lit up as he sped towards you. akaashi rolled his eyes while bo coughed.

“(y/n), you look so pretty!! when did you get that skirt? oh my!!” hinata poked and bombarded you with compliments and questions like the sweet child he is.

“(y/n), why are you wearing your horny stress outfit?” akaashi asked, glaring at the skirt.

“my what?”

“whenever you want to relieve some stress by hooking up with someone, you wear a skirt, dummy,” bo explained, “oh no. the victim better be my math buddy.”

you huffed. sure, they weren’t wrong, but still.

“is this about your lab partner?” akaashi questioned, pulling you aside from bokuto and shoyo.

“maybe,” you paused, “okay, yeah, but there’s been so much tension after that incident and i hate it. it’s stressing me out and the project is due in a few days. let me hook up with bo’s friend.”

“fine.”

-

dim lights? check. henny and sprite? check. meg thee stallion? check. the basic tools necessary for another fun night. now, you were just waiting for bo’s nerd friend to appear.

“tsum tsum!!” you yelled happily, immediately jumping into the arms of one of your best friends.

“i’m glad you made it, (y/n), i missed your ass,” he kissed your cheek, “so who’s the victim tonight?”

“bo’s friend if he’s into that. i’m supposed to be meeting him here.”

“ohhh, the nerdy one, right?”

you nodded while taking a sip of your drink. you already felt more relaxed from the environment of the party. plus, a faint scent of weed filled your nose. it was probably from suna.

“kuroo-san!!” bokuto called out. wait. did you hear him correctly?

“bokuto-san!!” oh, no.

“(y/n), come here! this is my friend from high school! the math one-”

you and kuroo stared at each other, his face expressionless, yours morphing into disbelief. everything bokuto said drowned in the background noise of the party. and suddenly, you connected the dots. oh shit.

“y-you!” you pointed at him, unable to form a full sentence.

“me?”

“yeah, you!”

bokuto paused and watched the scene happening in front of him, “you two know each other?”

“he’s my lab partner, you dumbass!” you yelled while bokuto’s hair spiked up in nervousness. he decided to slowly back away and find hinata before something happened to him.

you poured more henny into your red solo cup and prepared another drink for kuroo. yeah, he was an ass, but you might as well give him a chance to loosen up. maybe get an apology. you held out the cup to him and he muttered a small thank you.

“so,” he started, “our project is due in a few days.”

you sat down next to him while mindlessly playing with the ends of your skirt, “yeah, i guess.” you two sat in awkward silence for another minute.  

“look, asshole-”

“i was just about the apologize, but then you decided to bitch again-”

“you didn’t talk and i want to leave this situation immediately so i can go hook up with-”

“with semi? with atsumu? is that the reason you came?”

“you’ve been on my goddamn nerves lately, i think i’m allowed to sleep with whoever i want so that i can relieve some-”

you were cut off by a pair of soft lips on yours. maybe it was the alcohol, but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. the taste of liquor and something sweet on his mouth was intoxicating and you wanted more of it. but you hated him. he was your asshole lab partner after all. but he was also an excellent kisser. kuroo pulled away quickly, but before he can say anything, you spoke.

“what the fuck was that, kuroo?”

“i don’t know, but do you want to do it again?”

“...yes.”

and so you both got up, drunkenly stumbling to a random room. you were immediately pushed onto a bed, kuroo sucking on the spot below your ear as he pinned your body down to the bed.

“you know, i fucking hate the smell of vanilla, but because of you, it’s become one of my favorite scents,” you blushed at the comment as he pulled down your underwear beneath your skirt, “lace, huh? were you planning to get laid?”

“you’ve been stressing me out, what do you fucking think?” you responded with an attitude.

he began rubbing your clit in small circles and you let out a small sigh of relief, “so, you’re a fucking brat, huh? is this how it’s going to go?”

“well, you’re a fucking asshole, so i don’t know how else you expected this to happen.” he pressed harder and quickened his pace as you mewled under him. he found the sweet spot on your neck and began to suck harshly. you felt two fingers enter you slowly while thumb continued the assault on your clit.

“f-faster, tetsuro,” you cried out as he sucked more hickies onto your neck. he curled his fingers and assaulted your g-spot harshly while you clenched on his fingers.

“you’re already close, i can tell,” and then he halted his movements, “but i don’t think you deserve to cum yet.” you whined.

and with that, he entered his fingers into your sensitive cunt once again, kissing his way down your body until he reached your clit which he greedily sucked. you let out small whimpers and moans and you swore you felt him smirk. then a sudden feeling of emptiness.

“fuck you!” you pushed kuroo off of you, getting on top and straddling his lap, “i’ll make myself cum.”

your lips met in a heated kiss and he groaned as you grinded on his clothed crotch, “you’re a fucking brat.”

“i don’t care. shut the fuck up and let me sit on your face.”

he brought your pussy up to his head and gripped your thighs ensuring that you would stay in place while you lifted up your skirt. you felt kitten licks on your clit which only made you go lower until you were able to feel more of his tongue. he licked a strip from your pussy back up to your nub, sucking it harshly. you let out another moan, gripping his hair which only egged him on. the wet muscle found its way into your pussy and fucked you deliciously.

“fuck, tetsu, i’m coming-”

with the sounds you made, your skirt, your tits, and the feeling of your pussy on his mouth, kuroo thought he was going to cream his pants. you shamelessly grinded on his face until the knot in your stomach became tighter and tighter until it eventually broke.

you removed yourself from his face and appreciated the image of your juices on his face, his thick lashes, and sharp cheekbones, until you snapped out of it and went to work on discarding his pants. slipping off his underwear, his cock sprang free. pre cum spilled from the pink tip. sucking a hickey on his inner thigh, you took his cock into your hand, slowly moving it up and down to agitate him as he thrusted into your fist. taking the tip in your mouth, you sucked gently until his hands found themselves tangling into your hair and pushed your head down until he hit the back of your throat.

“you look so good with your mouth stuffed full of my cock,” you sucked in your cheeks and he let out another groan, “who knew this was the way to get you to shut the fuck up.”

you could only moan at his response, sending vibrations down his dick. your head bobbed up and down until you pulled him out of your mouth. you smirked, drool and pre cum dripping down your chin, knowing you gave him a taste of his own medicine.

bringing up your lips to his ear, you spoke, “how does it feel now?”

he replied by pushing down onto the bed and pinning down your wrists. you could feel his tip rubbing your clit, “i was planning to cum in your pussy anyways, slut.”

you felt yourself get wetter at the sound of his voice until he swiftly pushed himself, instantly bottoming out. the stretch stung, but the mix of pleasure and pain had you wanting more. your skirt cinched around your waist, the sight making him even harder.

“fuck, you’re so tight, baby,” he gave you another kiss before he pulled out all the way and snapped his hips back into you.

his mouth made it way onto your hardened nipple, swirling the bud with his tongue as he set a fast pace for his thrusts. you were vocal, whining every time he buried his cock inside of you. wanting you closer, kuroo harshly grabbed your ass and pulled your body into a new position that hit deeper into you.

“you’re a fucking slut, you know that?” his pace quickened. you were a babbling mess, your breasts bouncing and the knot in your stomach tightening. the sound of your moans and skin slapping against skin filled the room as you came closer to your high. his hand squeezed the sides of you neck firmly. the only thing you were able to feel was him.

“you think atsumu can fuck you like this?”

you were unable to respond coherently as he pounded harder into you, your legs wrapping his waist as you came again. he kept going.

“how about i make you cum again, brat?”

“i-i don’t think i can,” you whimpered.

“sure, you can,” he gripped your hips tighter, the tip of his cock hitting your cervix. you felt completely spent, but he refused to quit. he brought his hand down to your clit, rubbing it harshly in fast circles and you felt your second high coming.

“f-fuck (y/n).” he let out a final groan as your pussy milked his cock while you saw stars.

kuroo laid on the bed while you two distanced yourselves. you didn’t know what to say, so you scanned your surroundings.

“shit.” you muttered. “what?”

“this is atsumu’s room.”

you both looked at each other for a few seconds before he let out a hyena laugh. you giggled along with him.

“how do you know?”

“i’ve been in here before. just didn’t quite register where we were. we could have fucked in a closet and i wouldn’t notice.” you answered in a light tone.

“so, you’ve been in atsumu’s room before?”

“i mean, yeah. to hang out and stuff,” you turned to him, “why do you care so much?”

“well i thought that reason was obvious considering we just had sex,” he grumbled, “now we’re three feet apart and everything feels awkward.”

“i mean i couldn’t tell if it was just sexual tension from hate or if you actually liked me. it’s kind of hard to tell considering other.. events?”

“well, i like you. i thought you were pretty ever since the first day i met you. i just didn’t know how to tell you so i insulted your perfume and gave you some highlighters,” he rubbed the back of neck, “sorry.” he added quietly.

“sorry,” he looked at you in shock, “for, uh, calling you an asshole, i guess.” you mumbled looking back at him.

“i’m also sorry for calling you a slut. i might have been a bit jealous when i saw you with atsumu. and semi that one night.” he awkwardly laughed and looked the opposite direction.

so he wasn’t good with his words. you scooted your body closer to him and wrapped your arms around him as you got into position to straddle his lap. your head rested on the crook of his neck and his breath hitched.

“don’t worry. you don’t have to say anything.” you kissed the spot below his ear and beamed at him when you pulled away. he swore his heart skipped a beat.

“why are you blushing?” you asked, smirking up at him.

“it’s the ethanol,” he said quickly attempting to hide his face by looking away, “you know how alcohol makes your face turn red and stuff.”

“is the alcohol also the only reason we just fucked?”

“n-no!”

“then do you want to go another round?” you asked innocently, grinding on him once again.

“ye-”

“(y/n)? what the fuck did you and rooster head do in my bed?”

[railmerosalie]

I found this one in the drafts from ages ago

What people are like in my DR: Marauders edition

Sirius:

the cheekiest mother fucker I've ever met. I didn't expect him to be as kind as he was, like this man is like a rock to me. Gives 10/10 hugs. Only down side is that he dates a new chick like every week and when he dumps them they start to resent the whole group, one tried to push me down some stairs. When hes drunk he will either be the human equivalent of a puppy or a sad horny bitch, oh yeah he's a mild alcoholic.

Remus:

I mean he's my twin brother so apart from him policing my every movement, friendship and relationship I guess he's okay ?? Won't let me date anyone and is way too overprotective. Has a solid jumper collection which i steal. Mum and dads favourite and overal nerd, would die for him though. Can't control his liquor and its kinda sweet, Sirius stays with him to make sure he's okay. He reads a bit too much Jane Austin. Has sooo many chicks after him but just never notices them.

James:

Shares on braincell with Sirius and another one with his dick. I mean we have this whole enemies to lovers storyline going on rn. His personality is just, quiddich, friends and being an arrogant bustard. Cares lot about his friends and studies. Is actually quite cute when he stops talking. Gives really nice hugs, softer than Sirius but more firm. Listens to Fleetwood mac and the Beatles on a loop (me too lmao). Will buy you a hot chocolate or a butter beer if you ask.

Peter:

Rat man who i hate. Is sexist, I tried to punch him after he said women were too sensitive to play quidditch as we might cry if the balls come near us, Sirius had to carry me out of the dorm. Smells like hay thats been left in the rain.

Marlene:

My actual wife who i would die for. Very artistic and will probably draw you when she's bored. Best drinking buddie anyone can ask for. Honestly I want to date her so bad but it'll muddy up the James plot line. Is such a softy who gives the best cuddles. Has an attitude problem but I low-key love it. Smells like cranberries, vanilla and maple. I can't describe how much I love her. Really good at charms, she can do pretty much anything she puts her mind to.

Lily:

She doesn't like me because I'm opinionated??? Honeslty idk why she doesn't like me, all of our mates don't get it either. She's really sweet with Rem so I can't really fault her for that. I wanna be closer with her but at this point I'm not sure if it will work out

Snape:

A fucking incel that smells like bleach and toothpaste. Legit the worst human I've met so far, sexist, racist and homophobic to tick off some. He sent me to the hospital wing and I nearly died so fuck you Snape!!!!! I got him back tho.

[donnerpartyofone]

i just got a whole bunch of new followers on letterboxd, and checking out who they all are really reminded me of why i don’t follow too many people on letterboxd. bad amateur writing is hard to enjoy even ironically, but there’s something about bad film writing that’s really harmful. i have hate-read so many of this one guy’s reviews that i feel embarrassed about it now. he describes himself as an “arthouse manager”, which i assume means he runs a theater, but it bothers me because nobody says “let’s go out to the arthouse tonight” without the word “theater” in there, it’s just unnatural and pretentious. so that’s red flag #1 right in his description, which is followed by red flag #2 about how he hates modern media, as if being a luddite or nostalgia freak automatically means you’re a sensitive genius. it’s probably worth mentioning a sub-red flag, which is that he also says he’s 27 years old, which has to mean that he either wants to be congratulated for being precocious somehow, or he thinks he’s going to get laid off this movie website where you can’t even post pictures of yourself, or both, i mean who fucking cares how old you are anyway, for what reason? then the first review is of DAYS OF BEING WILD, in which he describes Wong Kar-Wai as “seeking to understand what draws women to shitty, emotionally unavailable men”; i mean imagine being so full of shit that you project your own sullen incel-y “UGH WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH” garbage onto whatever revered works of art show up on your tv screen? this guy goes on to reveal himself in almost a strip tease fashion across many of his reviews, breaking up his pompous analyses with macho mindbenders like “i have often said that being horny is the point of life” and biographical information like about his manipulative alcoholic father. i’m not trying to say that everybody with a delinquent or dysfunctional parent is destined to have idiotic and serial killerish attitudes about intimacy, because that would condemn pretty much all of us. but, i am sadly familiar with solipsistic assholes who brandish their alleged intellectual superiority in one fist while beating the dust out of their childhood traumas with the other, and just seeing his smug letterboxd reviews tells me everything i need to know about him. hopefully he just followed me in a spammy way to get attention and will never interact, or maybe i’ll say something he finds politically disagreeable and he’ll go away.

honestly finding anybody worth following on letterboxd is kind of hard. it can be nice to read stuff by people who are just having fun and shooting straight about what they’re watching, but the site is filled with wannabe J Hobermans and Lester Bangses who are just out to prove that they own a thesaurus. they’re practically all dudes, you can smell the old spice and maker’s mark wafting out of your laptop fan when you read some of this chest-pounding nonsense. not all of them have such toxic things to say as the aforementioned douchebag, but there’s a real preponderance of users who seem to think they’re reinventing the language. the sad thing is when they really like MY writing. there’s this guy i follow who i think used to write fairly clearly, but now everything he posts looks like a burroughs cut-up with really avant garde ideas about punctuation and adjectives, and unfortunately, i think it’s on purpose. i’d unfollow him, but i feel like i can’t, because he is as nice as literally anyone has ever been about my writing. he goes so far as to give me a hard time about why i’m not a professional film critic, he’s like a ~fan~...and then i gotta ask myself, how much is my writing like HIS writing? this is where the difficulties of letterboxd start to feel worth while, in a masochistic kind of way. like, how often do i write in the same wanky bombastic fashion as these shitty little internet valedictorians who i hate so much? probably a lot! i don’t like feeling that way but i have to admit that i’m grateful for the opportunity to check myself, and possibly improve.

however good or bad i am, letterboxd is still a better place to write than tumblr. i mean tumblr is less than optimal for long form writing anyway, but it’s also a question of who the majority population is here. the other day i got a comment on a pretty old post i wrote about ANNIHILATION, a movie i found kind of smarmy and shallow. the commenter said that my points about the movie were good, BUT they would all be negated by the content of the novels on which the movie is based, and they wanted to know why i deliberately omitted this material from my analysis, as if this were a conspiracy to be unraveled. they actually asked me what the point of my post was, like what was my goal in writing only what i wrote and leaving all kinds of things out. basically. this person COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF A MOVIE REVIEW. i answered them, because they had tried hard to be polite, that my movie review blog is just for movie reviews, in which i talk about what i think about movies i watch. i’m not pursuing everything related to certain intellectual properties, nor am i invested in the logic and content of Extended Universes of whatever individual movies i’m watching. i’m not mad at this person, who was asking an honest question, but i was completely dumbfounded by the question itself. i mean imagine being SO INVESTED in fandom as like a type of lifestyle that you don’t know what a movie review is anymore? like every piece of media is regarded as some sort of municipality, that belongs to a state, and is governed by certain people, and its characters are like Real People who are available for friendship, dating and more. no piece of media is just entertainment, or even an artistic statement anymore. for this person, watching a movie is something like studying civic infrastructure, except with more DIY alterations and more fetishizing of gay men. i keep trying to imagine reading three paragraphs about some middling hollywood movie that amounts to something like “i did not enjoy watching this film,” and just having no personal frame of reference AT ALL for what it means when somebody writes that down. like just not knowing what a movie review is at all, and asking the author to explain the meaning of the bizarre behavior of saying you thought some movie sucked.

why DOES anybody write about movies though? if i don’t find it normal or desirable to watch everything with an exclusive filter for who do you want to fuck and who do you want to see fucking each other, then what else am i getting at? surely i don’t see myself as a potential roger ebert or leonard maltin, especially considering the extremely limited number of celebrity film critics in the history of mankind. i’m also not Pro- the idea of sorting all movies according to some rigid standards of technical quality and deservingness, like anybody needs me to grade them after they’ve performed the nearly impossible-seeming task of even making one single movie to begin with. sometimes i stupidly start complaining about stupid responses to my writing that i get once in a while from the internet, and my shrink asks me, “what are you up to when you post this writing?” she always says i’m “up to something” when i seem to be following but willfully ignoring my subconscious drives, which i think is pretty funny. but i don’t think i’m pursuing feelings of superiority, over movies or other writers. i think i’m just trying to figure out what movies are trying to say about human existence--and they all are trying to say something, are motivated by some angst, even the really insulting ones that only offer up wish fulfillment pablum. i’m constantly trying and failing to figure out my own existence, and i must sense that attempting to decipher movies is one way of getting closer to decoding my own experiences.

and on that note, now i have to complain about the fact that Lyft’s driver rating system includes “fun conversation” as one of the four factors in giving someone five stars. i rarely want a stranger to try to force me to talk to them, especially at 4am when i’m headed to the airport under a miserable pile of luggage. even so, i recently got into a car in such a state, with a guy who was clearly going for that five star rating, babbling loudly and convulsively at me all the way to my terminal. it would be one thing if he were just trying to be nice, but he was giving me shit about everything from my pickup location to what i had done in his fair city for a week and a half. i did not immediately volunteer how many movies i had seen at the festival i attended, because i probably intuited that when he did make me tell him, he would inform me that he doesn’t need to watch movies, because “I WATCH *LIFE*, MAN!!!” the irony was that this guy clearly didn’t watch life at all; he didn’t even have the ability to discern that i didn’t want to talk, or that i didn’t want him to insult my favorite leisure activity, and that probably NOBODY wants to listen to him talk about his shitty generic blues rock band for half an hour before 5am. so that’s the one thing i can say for even the most obnoxious reviewer on letterboxd--that probably they are TRYING to hone the art of observation, a dying skill. probably they are TRYING to train themselves to be an active audience that engages thoughtfully with the movie instead of just hucking rotten tomatoes at the screen OR passively allowing it to wash over them. even if i often hate the results, at least some of these guys seem be making an effort.

[thefudge]

scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 

this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in

but i do have some observations/ gripes

obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 

this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit

speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.

esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)

but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)

i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 

i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)

that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 

the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography

i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 

so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go

sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 

HEAR ME OUT.

 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 

and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 

 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 

from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 

there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.

i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 

like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 

but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 

it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD

and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 

and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious

this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 

i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better

i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 

also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 

anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 

honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 

that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious

also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 

in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways

i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.

still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 

[tillman]

hi i ranked every single dark souls 1 character by who i think is the most kissable . its 79 characters all with a description of why theyre at the place theyre at with images for reference :-) its all under cut for u to enjoy.. thank u

this is all my opinion cus hehe im making the list but also im god so this is fact now . 

counting down because u know what ! buildup is fun and i have to start off with everyones most favorite:

GWYN - 79

im kidding. fuck gwyn and everything he stands for. he wouldnt even be a good kisser he doesnt have FUCKING LIPS

SEATH - 78

oh you really wanna kiss the incel dragon who kidnaps ladies for his weird experiements?? yeah?? who are you, big hat logan?

EINGYI - 77

heres one i wont get hate for: this fucking asshole . die bastard . he cant even kiss his face is all infected and gross!

KAATHE - 76

he sucks.

SMOUGH - 75

not only is he too big to kiss! hes a cannibal!! hed eat you!!!! thats no kiss i want!

MANUS - 74

listen i know yall love daddies and all that but hes manipulative and not a nice person so id watch out. i GUESS hes kissable as he was a human before but def not a good kiss

BED OF CHAOS - 73

its just some vines that sometimes set on fire!! If it were still the witch of izalith she would be probally in the 20s as shes a good person who tried very hard to help the world but in this state... u cant even kiss her!

FRAMPT - 72

better than kaathe but the whole no lips and being a manipulative snake monster really throws me off and shoves him down at the bottom

FINA (GODDESS OF LOVE/BEAUTY (?)) - 71

(mentioned character - no image sorry :-( )

Listen as much as im all for love, this is love u dont want ! just trust me dont be lautrec dont do it you dont want to kiss fina listen to me. please dont kiss fina.

VINCE AND NICO - 70

way of the white members are NOTABLY unkissable but these guys. are just so boring. theyll be your white bread boyfriend as neil would say... bad kissers and bad people!

LAUTREC - 69 

aw fuck wait can i make another character 69 he doesnt deserve it. anyways not only is he not over his ex (fina) hed probally gut you and steal your lunch money half way through the kiss anyways so whats the point . thats not how u treat a lover idiot

CENTIPEDE DEMON - 68

it eats your face and you die. next pleaaase

PETRUS - 67

another way of the white cleric. he at least starts off nice and he says fuck rich people but also he let that happen to rhea and i fucking hate his guts so no.

PALADIN LEEROY - 66 

out of all the way of the white idiots hes the best in that he wears armor and seems cool but its the way of the white man.  i cant get past that. sorry leeroy at least your armor is cool. he probably hasnt kissed someone in hundreds of years anyways 

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY - 65

delicate ... but beautiful! i dunno how to smooch it but i def would if i could ! i dont think it can kiss back but, o well! we all have flaws

IRON GOLEM - 64

it cant kiss back but its COOL and can throw me like a javelin so like . yeehaw id smooch its little face place 

UNDEAD MERCHANTS (BOTH) - 63

between moss and yulia i think they got enough on their plates! plus since theyre so hollowed, i dont think they have any lips to kiss back with! 

INGWARD - 62

hes not like . bad persay but also i dont trust him after he helped with new londo. cool design tho. i wanna kiss that bird beak mask

JEREMIAH - 61

was a bullfrog, and never took off his crown long enough to kiss another person...... i feel like if he did though! oh boy!!!

Asylum Demon + Demon Firesage + Stray Demon - 60

more kissable than some bosses, but still not the greatest lips. good butts though on all of them.... so i guess thats fr u kinky people 

SNUGGLY THE CROW - 59

(no image shes a crow) 

please stop drawing her as an anime girl shes literally just a grow that likes warm things oh my god you freaks be nice to her

BIG HAT LOGAN - 58

hes hard to kiss around the hat! and on that note hes pretty much taken with his obsession with seath. good luck! hes nice though so better than most of this list so far

GAPING DRAGON - 57

ranked so high because past its giant underbelly of teeth and destruction is this very tiny head which i think is so funny i cant help but want to kiss its little snoot.... hehe baby

PRINCE RICARD - 56

oh now were actually getting into kissable range! ricard is a prince (maybe even of astora... kissability increase.) so his high ranking might get you some kissability points, but the hollowing is gonna lower that. 4/10 no kissable lips!

4 KINGS - 55

whats better than a prince..... a king... whats better than a king..................  4 KINGS! just watch out for their overly anime spiky armor and the fact their in a never ending void nightmare but they do have faces so thats points above the rest!

SALAMAN - 54

(mentioned character only! sorry!)

hmmmm we dont learn much about him other than he was close with quelana and he was ............ hot!  hes a pyromancer.  being of the great swamp pushes him down a bit because he prolly smells like his name sake but u know what ! maybe hes cute! we cant be sure! hes in the running at least!

TAURUS DEMON - 53

hmm... bad lover.... good kisser................................................... the things i do for big beefy demon love.

GOUGH - 52

While you cant kiss gough cus all the sap in his helmet i cant bare to put him lower than he is hes just so sweet. a kiss on his helmet because i love him so much

NITO - 51

while he cant kiss back, nito deserves a kiss or two! plus he has a lot of hands so u can hold his hands and be hugged at the same time and u know what that might be just as good as a nice kiss. good on you nito!

STONE DRAGON - 50

again a non kisser........ damn beaks! the stone dragon does need a kiss though. they havent seen another living soul in years down in ash lake! so im giving them points on that alone.

VAMOS - 49

like the last two.... no lips! vamos though makes up for it in his charm and wit, and his exceptional skill in smithing! so even without lips to kiss, you still should kiss vamos! hes a good friend

ARIAMIS - 48

(mentioned !)

wow... a painter! and a skilled one at that! this man created the painted world used to keep priscilla safe and that is so noble it gives him points right off the bat! i feel like though, as an artist, he might be a bit weird about it. so watch out and be safe, but in the end, get free art and some free smooches out of him!

ELIZABETH - 47

thats my mom ... of course she gets a good cheek smooch for all her hard work keeping dusk safe!

DOMHNALL - 46

i love domhnall hes a good guy whos trying his best but also his mask is so fucking goofy i dunno if i can do it .

RICKERT - 45

as much as i think rickert would be a good kiss (hes smart, cute, and skilled!) he is trapped behind some bars willingly and probably wont let you in. i can dream though!

CEASLESS DISCHARGE - 44

if theres any boss that NEEDS a kiss its him. poor dude lost all his family and was turned into this laughing stock of a creature. youd probably burn your lips but .... please just be nice to him :-(

SHIVAS BODYGUARD - 43

ooo a strong yet silent type.... hes even cute under his mask! good kiss, but i feel like he might just care more about his actual job than a kiss ! hes dedicated !

CIARAN - 42

putting aside me knowing shed be a good kisser, i just understand she probably doesnt want a kiss right now, shes grieving over the loss of her friend and i respect her comfort. maybe a good pat on the shoulder and a cup of nice tea with her would be nice though! 

PINWHEEL - 41

may seem like a weird choice to put a necromancer up so high on the list but.... honestly pinwheel needs some love. dude lost his whole family and in trying to revive them accidentally fused them to himself. while he might not be the best kisser, i honestly just wanna tell him everythings gonna be ok.

KIRK - 40

ok if you know me you KNOW how much it pains me to put kirk so low but. hes a busy guy! not only is he doing so much work to help out where he can with the fair lady, but you might just get pricked by his spiky armor while youre going in for the smooch! so, as much as he deserves a kiss for all his hard work, maybe pass until another time!

SIEGLINDE - 39

were getting there! she is just so strong... and so brave........ she may not even be undead! sieglinde is so strong and wonderful doing all that just to deliver a message to her unruly father, she deserves so many kisses! Shes got a lot on her plate though so please respect her......

BERENIKE - 38

(just mentioned!)

implied to be a huge strong knight who made it to even sens fortress! yes please ! 

BELL GARGOYLES - 37

hmmmmm,.......... if u can get past the whole lighting your face on fire, these are two loyal gargoyles! that seems pretty good to me!

BEATRICE - 36

a wonderful helpful witch friend! she is so nice to help you defeat flying bosses with her magic!! i love her so much! shes even cute to boot! 

GIANT BLACKSMITH - 35

HE HELP ANYTIME................... I HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEGALLY I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHEA - 34

putting aside my hatred of the way of white.... rhea really is just a babey.... shes adorable and kind and just wants everyone to be ok so im won over. maybe a little forehead smooch for being such a good person!

OSCAR - 33

oh oscar. a noble, heroic, and cute knight but in the end. would he be a good kisser........ i feel yes, but maybe not so much so! hes busy focusing on being a hero you know! hes a good friend and i cant help but fall in love with nice guys

THE FAIR LADY - 32

she deserves the entire world and all i can give her is my humanity and a kiss........... sobs. i wish i could do more to ease her pain but she is so strong and wonderful! please give her a nice smooch! 

QUELANA - 31

i didnt wanna separate them ........ her wonderful sister! who even taught humans pyromancies! shes smart and nice, and honestly probably needs a kiss. 

MILDRED - 30

uh my notes from last night are just

so yeah! thats mildred!

CRESTFALLEN MERCHANT - 29

hes sad as fuck but also... kinda handsome! he was a knight of berenike and made it almost all of the way through sens fortress showing how skilled he is! a strong man like this (inspired by maybe the best kisser in demons souls, boirr) has to be a good kiss!

SIEGMEYER - 28

hes going through a lot right now but... how could u not think siegmeyer is kissable. thats on you man. thats your own character flaw.

OSWALD - 27

ok this might be slightly controversial but i feel like oswald would be a good kisser. if you got past his slightly weird love for velka who well get to (thats just carimites (carimians? carimfolk???)) hes nice and kind and maybe the funkiest character in dark souls

KALAMEET - 26

another cant kiss you but.... kalameet is just so cool ! very shadow the hedgehog and u know what that is NOT a bad thing. you might have a rough time trying to get there, but..... aww whos a good dragon.....

DARKMOON KNIGHTESS - 25

alright the final stretch! the darkmoon knightess is the anor londo firekeeper, and a friend of gwyndolin! shes supposed to be “ugly and shit” (real quote. i would never lie to you) but her model is so cute! defiantly kissable as fuck!

 SANCTUARY GUARDIAN - 24

GOFH ITS JUST A WIDDLE KITTEY CAT........... I GIVE IT A WIDDLE KISSEY ON ITS FOREHEAD AHOWHWWAWWW BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALVINA - 23

AWHAHWAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHES H(FADOESAGVFOSDHFSO CUET EIFEDKC LKOFIE JS I LOVE YOU FJEADFIDASHCODEUFCUSFKSDHFKSUHFC

DUSK - 22

oh yes!! the princess of a lost land...... will you be her knight in shining armor.......... oh i just love her so much. shes sweet and nice and cute and deserves a kiss or two!! please be nice to my daughter!

SHIVA - 21

hottie with cool armor and a cooler sword. since they cut his whole sidequest i can with all certianty say YES he is super kissable and is probably a great kisser 

QUELAAG - 20

IGNORIGN HER GIANT SPIDER LOWERBODY........... SHES JUST DOING THIS FOR HER SISTER SHE JUST WANTS TO HELP HER POOR SISTER WHOS IN PAIN HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH!! PLEASE KISS QUELAAG! 

GRIGGS - 19

im putting griggs so high cus hes kissable in a factor unseen before...... baby factor. hes soft and nice and is just trying to find his dad! just tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight! its what he deserves! 

ARTORIAS - 18

everyone already KNOWS why artorias is a good kisser. hes nice, strong, brave, and most importantly. cool as FUCKING HELL ! HE DOES SICK ANIME FLIPS!! if you can look past the abyss slowly taking him over, youll find a good good boy who deserves a good kiss.

ANASTACIA - 17

the good firekeeper who we spend most of our time with in 1! YES of COURSE Shes kissable. she deserves SO MANY kisses for all of her hard work in keeping the firekeep shrine lit! good job anastacia im sorry lautrec is like that

VELKA GODDESS OF SIN - 16

(just mentioned!)

if her title alone doesnt bring you in, youll be pleased to know shes implied to help watch over priscilla (who well get to hold your horses) and keep the poor girl safe! a strong sense of justice and a love of crows, shes probably an amazing kiss if you can find her! 

ANDRE - 15

were closing in on #1 and i just have to throw andre in here. hes so nice and strong! just . please kiss andre! he deserves some he does so much work! 

PRISCILLA - 14

poor priscilla. called a monstrous crossbreed and has to hide in a painted world to stay safe from those who would hurt her. including the internet! leave her alone you freaks shes not your fetish fuel!!! she deserves a good kiss on the cheek and a hug for all she has to put up with

 CRESTFALLEN WARRIOR - 13

its my list i get to put the crestfallen warrior where i want. and u know what? he would honestly be a good kiss. hes kind and helpful and never once wishes you harm, he just needs to be held tightly and kissed passionately and u know what. dont we all. 

GWYNEVERE - 12

she is beautiful but .... 1 shes married and 2 shes not even real! whatever. her husband the flame god flann is at least.......... hot! haahgdaefshdfcdhswfe im so fucking funny

BLACK IRON TARKUS - 11

listen i see a big beefy dude i go “hey thats hot please kiss me” so of course tarkus is this high up hes the beefiest dude around.... right?? anyways all knights of berenike are kissable hes just the MOST kissable of the 3 named ones!

ORNSTEIN - 10

this dude kisses the son of gwyn you KNOW hes a good kiss. the golden lion armor just helps so much. we love you ornstein .....

HAVEL THE ROCK - 9

HERE HE IS ... THE BEEFIEST GUY AROUND ... this bitch uses a DRAGONS TOOTH as a huge club to bash people with if that isnt big dick energy i dont know what is. armor made of stone. heart made of gold. havel the rock please god kiss me passionately under the moonlight .

SIF - 8

oghfoghfohg puppey..................................... SMOOCHIE THE PUPPY>...........

NAMELESS KING (!?) - 7

(hes just mentioned in ds1!!) 

I KNOW HES A DS3 BOSS BUT LISTEN TO ME THEY TALK ABOUT HIM SO MUCH IM ALLOWING THIS.  he defected from his awful dads team to go help the DRAGONS!! thats so cool hes so kissable. would be more kissable if he wasnt kissing ornstein but thats ok . i respect them both.

MARVELOUS CHESTER - 6

this MAY just because i have a huge crush on him but also here are some good kissable things about him: his fasion, his voice that sounds like a purr, his laugh, his malice, his funny mask, him. thank you for your time.

GWYNDOLIN - 5

FINAL FIVE! heres gwyndolin. the most kissable of all of gwyns children for the sheer fact of how much work they put in to making sure people stay safe and happy. they are so kind and wonderful they deserve SO MANY kisses! good on you gwyndolin....

LAURENTIUS - 4

now heres a fun one! laurentius is one of the nicest guys u will EVER meet in any souls game. he genuinely cares about you, he loves and respects u even if u dont respect him or his skills, hes nice cute and above all: i love him . please kiss laurentius he is a nice guy who just wants the best for u..... dont be mean to him.....................

CAPRA DEMON - 3

the highest one that cant kiss back and thats for the capra demons SHEER HORNY ENERGIES. this is a demon you can fuck! thats it i have nothing else to say i just think the capra demon is funny

SOLAIRE - 2

do i seriously have to explain why solaire is so high up. not only is he nice and cares about you, hes handsome, passionate, and just a good fucking person. he is hands down one of the most kissable characters in any souls game ever! fuck yeah! go off you funky little lover boy! 

and finally.

its patches.

[missmeikakuna]

Chad and the Incel Chapter 8

Rated: M

Fandom: Original Fiction (but inspired by the Virgin vs Chad meme)

Relationship type: Male/Male with a bit of Female/Female (the lesbians are adorable, btw) and unrequited Male/Female (in other words, the guys are bisexual).

Description: Chad is, well, a Chad, or at least he looks like one. He’s got his sights set on the cool nerd Becky and enlists the help of her shy incel ex-friend Noah, offering to help him get the gorgeous girl (Stacy) he desperately wants. Noah is reluctant to help, believing that he will be stuck in inceldom forever, but Chad’s interest in his life gives him hope. When their plans go awry, they start turning their romantic attention towards each other.

Content Warning: Given the subject matter, you can guess that this story has dark themes in it, such as suicide and self-harm (plus the mental health issues that often cause them), sexism, slut-shaming homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. There is also swearing and some mentions of sex but nothing too explicit (hence the M rating as opposed to an Explicit rating).

8th Post: [LifeFuel]  My crush likes me back

Noah rapidly raised and dropped his laptop, standing up and turning away from it. After remembering the price of the thing, he checked it for damages. Upon seeing no problems, he sighed and sat back down.

He put his headphones back on and played the game again. All the cartoonish gun sounds couldn’t drown out the voice in the back of his mind.

What’s with you lately?

He chose to ignore the voice but it only got louder, and as it got louder it pushed him to play harder, firing at everyone. Yes, even his teammates. He wasted bullets on players that couldn’t be harmed by him.

After his team lost the game, he slammed the headphones against the desk. Once again, he sheepishly checked for any damages and found none.

He leaned against the back on his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

The voice had disappeared but was replaced with an image of Chad smirking on the ceiling. He scowled at the image in his mind, only to swallow air when it was replaced with Chad’s fish-out-of-water face.

‘You’re… hot…’

Noah felt a twinge in his heart and throbbing down below. His shoulders became heavy as he unzipped his pants. As per usual, he pictured smoke rising from his hand and tried to ignore it.

After washing his hands, he picked up his phone, scrolled through the contacts and almost deleted Chad’s. His thumb hovered over the screen until he decided to keep it. The voice came back.

You should get a picture of him for the contact.

The thought put even more weight onto his shoulders. As if he was going to do that. It wasn’t like he missed him all that much.

He lied down on his bed, staring at the screen and trying to avoid the contacts app, though naturally his eyes kept going back to that little address book.

He groaned. ‘Fine,’ he hissed to himself. He sent Chad a message.

How are you? Been a while.

Chad replied surprisingly quickly, causing Noah to fumble with his phone after almost dropping it in shock.

Yeah, it has. I’ve been good. I need to go to bed soon so I’ll talk to you at school.

Chad kept his promise and chatted to him during class. At first, the conversation was slow and awkward, both boys trying to tiptoe around the issue of Chad calling Noah hot.

The conversation began to centre around sports, with Chad trying to convince Noah to watch one football game, something Noah had not done since he was eight. He reluctantly agreed on the condition that he watch Chad play first.

At football practice that afternoon, Noah leaned forward with his hands maintaining a strong grip on the metal bar in front of the bleachers. His eyes never left Chad as the player threw the ball with one of his muscular arms.

When practice ended, Noah congratulated Chad on doing well before sneaking out of the bleachers and shuffling to his car. On his way home, he saw a little NFL shop about to close for the day.

He rushed in and bought a generic poster with the NFL logo and a picture of a football. At home he blu-tacked the poster on the wall behind his bed’s headboard. 

He went onto his laptop and looked for ways to torrent NFL games. Instead of studying he ended up watching one and a half games until he fell asleep. His eyes subconsciously sought out the most handsome players and he even found a guy who looked like Chad. 

During the moments the players stopped, fantasies danced around his mind about what Chad would do with him in that uniform of his. At first, these fantasies were purely carnal, though they gradually changed into something a little different.

For instance, he imagined Chad running to the bleachers to kiss him after scoring a touchdown. He thought of the boy training him in football, complimenting his skills. He even made up a scenario in which he tended to Chad’s injuries.

After that last daydream, one question popped into his head.

The fuck is wrong with you?

He woke up late in the morning but couldn’t bring himself out of bed. He just lied there thinking about what those fantasies meant, what any fantasy he’d ever had about a guy meant. It wasn’t like he was gay. As much as women frustrated him to the point of stirring hatred within him, he still wanted them. No, he needed them.

His heart leapt in shock and something that totally wasn’t joy when he heard his phone buzz. It was a message from Chad.

Where are you?

Noah spent half a minute coming up with an excuse.

Sick.

Chad replied with some sad emojis like the normie he was.

I’ll meet you after school to check up on you.

Noah groaned.

You want to catch something?

Chad’s response sent a wave of warmth throughout Noah’s body.

I don’t, but I’ll feel worse if I don’t see for myself that you’re okay.

Noah smiled as he got up and made himself a meal he had learnt how to make from an anime. After finishing off his lunch, he went back onto his laptop and debating (or, to be more accurate, arguing) with someone on an anime forum.

Chad did what he said he was going to do, and quicker than expected. When Noah opened the door for him, Chad asked him how he was.

Noah coughed. ‘Good. I feel better now. You wait in my room and I’ll make us some coffee. You okay with having it black?’ 

‘Yeah, but aren’t you still sick? I should make it.’

‘It’s fine, really.’ Noah nudged him into his room.

Chad spun around on the chair by the desk. As he stopped the chair, his hand slipped on the mouse, moving it enough to wake the laptop from its screensaver mode. A tab showed a forum debate entitled ‘Are Traps Gay?’

When Noah entered the room with two cups of coffee, Chad asked him, ‘What are traps? I’m guessing you’re not talking about stuff used for hunting, unless hunting’s a gay activity now.’ This caused Noah to spill some of the coffee as he slammed the mugs on the desk.

‘N-none of your business.’ Chad took out his phone. ‘Wait!’ Noah shouted as he closed the door behind him. He whispered, ‘Okay, so, uh, in anime there are these guys called ‘traps’ who look like girls.’

Chad joined him in speaking with a hushed voice. ‘Sounds like an insult.’

‘H-how?’

‘Well, a trap means you’re, I don’t know, tricking someone, right? Are these anime dudes who look like chicks tricking people or something? Or is the word a coincidence or something like that?’

‘Well, uh, no, I mean, I think the word comes from that, but, uh…’ Noah looked around the room for a way to change the subject but found nothing. The whispering ended. ‘It-It’s a compliment nowadays!’

‘Really? Doesn’t sound like one,’ Chad said as he shrugged his shoulders.

‘The question isn't really about those guys anyway, so it doesn’t matter if they’re ‘tricking’ you or not. It’s more about if you’re gay for liking them. They’re, uh, popular with dudes.’

‘Sounds pretty gay to me.’

‘It’s not! Absolutely not! You think some faggot would be into anime characters who look like girls? No, it’s the realm of the straight men. Only straight men can appreciate these beauties.’

Chad stood up and leaned closer to Noah. ‘So you’re into dudes?’

‘No, it doesn’t count, it doesn’t-’

‘Would you fuck a real-life guy in a dress?’

‘Uh… n-no…’

Chad smirked as some mysterious, much more confident force possessed him and made words he never expected to say spew from his mouth.  Perhaps it was Noah’s relatable nervousness that made him feel oddly safe. He put his hand between Noah’s shoulder and his neck, lightly rubbing the area.

‘Would you fuck me if I looked like a girl?’

Noah didn’t respond, at least verbally. He just stared at Chad, who leaned closer and drank in the delicious sound of his heartbeat.

The stare lasted a good twenty or so seconds before their bodies joined together in a heated kiss. As Noah panted with desire, the zest of ginger and the scent of honey from his lunch lit up Chad’s mind, as did his partner’s heartbeat, which continued to get louder and faster. Chad’s heart and breaths quickly matched him as he held his cheeks, his thumbs stroking the hair in front of his ears. He continued kissing him even as he started becoming more aware of what he was doing, as any fear he could possibly feel was replaced with the endorphins he usually got playing football.

Part of him had expected an overly slobbery kiss, so he grinned when he noticed that this wasn’t the one he was having. Noah’s lips were a little rough but Chad enjoyed every inch of them. Noah’s skin was hot and, in contrast with his lips, soft. 

He pushed Chad onto the chair and stuck his tongue in his mouth, reaching for the taller man’s coat to take it off. Chad shivered at this sudden display of dominance and helped him fling off the coat. Noah only let go of him to turn on the CD player and soon the sounds of their kiss were hidden under the swelling of a boisterous symphony. They moved to the bed, grasping at each other’s clothes to remove them as quickly as possible.

The air was filled with heavy breaths that gradually slowed down. The duo felt almost sick from the smell of the room. The CD player finished its current track before Noah turned it off. He turned until his back was facing Chad, who placed his hand on the shorter man’s hip.

‘How was it?’ he murmured. Noah shrugged, refusing to look at him and yet again focusing on his own hands as if smoke was emanating from them. ‘That bad, huh? Sorry, I’m new to this. That was my first time.’

Noah rolled back with the speed of a tumble dryer. ‘The fuck are you talking about? There’s no way you were a virgin. What about all those girls that throw themselves at you?’

‘What girls?’ 

Noah stared at Chad like the man was high. Chad stroked his hip with his thumb as he said, ‘And besides, even if I did sleep with girls, it’s not like that would prepare me to sleep with a guy. I doubt many girls would be interested in doing what you…’ He laughed nervously.

Noah covered his eyes with his bangs. ‘Oh. Yeah. Speaking of which, are you… sore?’

Chad shifted his butt on the bed. ‘A little. Maybe we should have done more prep.’ He reached underneath the sheets and pulled out a bottle. ‘This is pretty good stuff, though. And the condoms… why’d you have these on you?’

Noah gulped, staring at the ceiling, then the door, anything to prevent him from having to look at Chad.

‘In… in case I needed to use them… with a girl. I bought them when you made me think for a second that maybe I could actually get a girl.’

Chad sighed. ‘Yeah, so, uh, what exactly are we? I mean, are we… what’s it called… bisexual?’

Noah pulled the sheets up despite showing no shame a few minutes earlier. ‘No way,’ he said with a shake of the head like a dog leaving a bath. ‘This is… fucked. I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t have… Let’s just forget about this. It never happened, alright?’

Chad dropped the bottle and looked down at the sheets with a frown. ‘Was I really that bad? Or couldn’t you picture me as a girl? Maybe you are straight after all-’

‘You were fine!’ Noah snapped. ‘And I didn’t imagine you as a girl. You were… okay. It felt good.’ He looked at the evidence of this: the condom in the bin. ‘It’s just that… my first time wasn’t supposed to be ‘okay’.’

‘What’d you expect it to be like? It’s not like either of us are very experienced.’

‘I don’t know. Just better. It almost feels like nothing happened. I mean, for Christ’s sake, I lost my virginity! That’s a big deal, isn’t it? It’s not like I can undo it.’ Noah tightened his grip on his sheets until his knuckles turned white. ‘So why don’t I feel any different?’

With another sigh Chad turned around and got off the bed. Unsure how to reply to that question, he asked Noah where the bathroom was but, before Noah could answer, they heard a knock on the door. 

‘Noah, are you decent?’ a feminine voice called out.

‘No!’

‘Well hurry up and get dressed. Family meeting.’

Noah looked from side to side in thought before shoving Chad in the closet and pulling the quilt over the sheets to hide the evidence. He picked up the clothes he wore from before and threw Chad’s clothes into the closet.

‘Family meeting? Since when do we have those?’

‘We do now! Your father and I can’t decide on dinner.’

Noah pulled his jeans up, trying to ignore the sudden stickiness of his underwear. ‘Well, decide for yourself! You don’t need me.’ Chad felt his heart twist but he focused on his task of putting clothes on while cramped in a closet. Noah threw a shirt on and opened the door just a little, not so much as to show what was on his bed.

His mother pinched her nose. ‘What’s that smell?’

‘Nothing! I’m sure it’s nothing.’

After hearing the door slam shut, Chad made his way out of the closet, picked up his bag and coat and snuck out of the room. He tiptoed through the living room. He locked eyes with Noah, who gave him a deer in the headlights look. His parents turned their heads and Chad ducked down behind the couch, holding his breath. His heart sped up as he crawled to the door. He looked at Noah one last time and put his hand on the door.

Noah looked in the opposite direction and yelled, ‘Did you see that? Mittens just jumped for no reason!’ Chad opened the door. ‘I think she saw a mouse!’ Chad closed the door behind him and slowly exhaled. 

Once the family meeting ended, Noah took to Incels.me and discovered that the website was gone. He was fuming when he learned that it was taken down. He searched around for a replacement and quickly found one. He joined it under a new username and began to write, changing Chad from a ‘he’ to an unnamed ‘she’.

Rotcel2003- [LifeFuel] My crush likes me back

Well, this is only half life fuel. On the one hand, I just slept with my crush. It was fairly good, and she’s pretty hot, but it wasn’t life-changing. It kind of makes me question why I was so obsessed with losing my virginity. Is this really the life of an ascended incel? I don’t know. 

I can’t help but wonder if it was worth doing stuff with her. I mean, what kind of femoid would be into me? She clearly has low standards to date a sub-3 like me. And it’s even weirder when you consider that it started with us talking about anime. She doesn’t even watch anime! Plus, we were talking about traps, not exactly prime normie material.

So yeah, I’m conflicted.

When Noah went back onto the post, he was shocked at the influx of replies calling him a bluepilled cuck and saying he was bragging. Someone even accused him of being a normie trying to pass himself off as an incel.

It was that night when Chad decided to look up this whole incel thing. He came across the same forum Noah visited and saw a post about a discussion of anime ‘traps’ leading to sex.

His fish-out-of-water eyes returned. 

[jxpcloud]

sad nerd that complains alot (manuscript)

(main cam-right infront of me) i didnt think i had a future

(far off) that was sad and we arent even five seconds in

(main cam) okay yeah fair

( far off) make a joke

(main cam) *dramatic silence* your mum...im so sorry

i wont lie i am no where near whatever a complete life is and feeling completely satisfied with myself i dont even know who i am and what im living for and yet i am dawned with the fact i need to live and become something. okay so thats bullshit right? im seventeen and any adult will completely dismiss my feelings for i am just a child. and i am, im scared to talk to srangers and get anxiety cross the road. i still hold my dads hand

(far off) thats because you have issues

(main cam) the point is im a child and a "mid life crisis" is something i have been told im no where near. but im also forced to get a job and drive a car and i have to actually think about my future. by the way 17yo should not be on the road most dont know the difference between their, there and theyre and barely look whie crossing the road and youre trusting your life with them? no thanks thats too much for me. so what am i feeing? well just the exerstential dread that my life wont amount to anything and everything i do is completely useless. im not insainly good at anything nor a child prodagy and i need medication in order to function cause this happens when i dont

(imput me chopping off my hair)

(far off) that was dumb

(main cam) im just trying to do something creative while i feel like my world crumples around me and channel something interesting....maybe

a guide to being happy from a sad nerd that complains alot

firstly take your meds

(far off) you are a mess without them

(main cam) like the true incel i am i dont know what true happiness is, i get that seritonin from seeing cute cats online or post nut i dont really feel happy ever *long puse* christ that was dark. anyway wiki how is a great place it comes with pictures *moan*

creating a positive mindset

*while i talk create a comfy bed setting* view your mind like a home, not so much as a mind palace like the hippy dippy inspirational people say but like a cozy atmosphere. youd want it to be comfy and happy filled with cuddly soft teddies and fair lights and its fragil. then a boldozer kinda just kills it and thats every negative self talk "im ugly, im gross, they hate me, im never going to do anything in my life, i am the worst" you spent so much time building your little home for yourself to ruin it. you can re-build. what i was told when i was younger was that those sort of things make you stronger, like when you were too little to be mean or hurt yourself but others did, they were the ones ruining your little home, maybe it did make you stronger, maybe you were able to re-build better than before. but maybe you didnt want to, you didnt care and now that your older you still dont care and your the one hurting yourself. i think it takes alot to truly admit you are the cause of your own sadness. be nice to yourself, you woke up, its enough.

(far off) that was sappy

(main cam) its weirdly important, and once you maybe clean up your cozy mind palace youll clean your physical space *rips blankets to reveal cups and plates* it was a mistake getting a bigger bed i can just hide things now

(far off) you are disgusting

(main cam) no i am healing *please dont do this purposely there is a weird smell*

being your best self

(main cam) what the ever loving fuck does that mean. my best self? the best self my friends want? the facade i put on at family gatherings? or truly accepting myself for who i am

(far off) obviously that one

(main cam) listen, not to get too trauma dumpy, i dont know who i am. this has been the stuggle for a while. what makes me me? how am i a person? how do i have thoughts and feelings as a clump of cells aimlessly floating around and drinking an unhealthy amount of caffeen alright what is that. sometimes it scares me that i am infact a human with thoughts and feelings cause i spend so much time pusinging them away that when my own cat decided to cuddle with me the overwheling amount of feelings is not normal. im the one you chose? you want to be with me? my presence makes you happy? this is safe to assume it doesnt just go for my cat but here we are. anyway, what makes me me, in order to accept it, i need to understand it. to put it simply, im not a girl, big shock, im also gay, bigger shock. men MMMMM but when im a man MMMM the gender euphoria chef kiss man muwah that shit good. what else is there? our society is so obsessed with sex and gender and dont get me wrong im proud to be surrounded by queer activists cause its important but who am i? who are you? who is anyone but npcs just kinda existing in my fabricated world ive cuccooned myself in.....but i have a cool ass sword so am i better than you?yes unless you have two cool ass swords

(far off) you scumbag

(main cam) im not here to tell you who you are or what you like. you may not even know it but deep down you get excited by bubbles, or that game youre weirdly obsessed with or maybe you have an actual hobby that makes you go outside, nether the less its there, obvious or not you are a person on this earth and you will enjoy something even if its my little pony porn i dont know but you like something. and to be your best self just chill and do more of what you like cause honestly if you dont like it its not worth it, life is too short. dont make it shorter, learn from someone who tired...i havent found happiness yet but i deserve to take up space and use it however i want, im living out of spite for the moment, whatever works

live your truth

socail media is a great place, but it influences how you feel, after touturing myself online for years i have finally accepted this. it is self destructive behavour to look at things online and be sad. does this mean im going to quit the internet and live my truth in a little forest and be the goblin boy ive always dreamed of no i like it too much and honestly my sensory issues could not with dirt, i need a weighted blanket to sleep i am quite needy. but living my truth means social media breaks arent jsut things for children. and maybe going to sleep at a normal hour and stop playing so much video games and go outside but one step at a time. i want to truly make myself feel happy and doing the mundane tasks that come with that which i do often neglect. due to poor mental helth, wich circles back to having poor higene and makes me feel crappy and its an endless loop really. but whats important is that you woke up today and really thats what matters

[sirnica]

Neira rereads twilight

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

Beginning Previous part 

I was really blue today, so why not down my sadness in some trashy YA? 

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen. 

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, edward commets on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they've been dating for like two days (look who's talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That's sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be. 

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it. 

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like "you brought a snack" and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight. 

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi james and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn't even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity. 

Edward is being a dick again. I get he's scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they'll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella's plan isn't bad, but "let me go charlie" is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot. 

"It was the best idea. Of course it was mine" . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more. 

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it. 

i'm kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She's like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb. 

the fact that james hunted alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses. 

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie. 

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project only froggy cares about. or should i wait a few more years) 

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk... (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself. 

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it. 

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day. 

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?" Are we sure she hasn't been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad. 

Aaaaw, and that's a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that. 

 it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel. 

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for. 

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test. 

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go. 

Someone should like write a fanfic, but edwars is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he's into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

now, to the movie. 

[denebola42-blog]

Lol I did that for a bit hahaha and used Google maps. It was kind of funny but with internet everywhere I was so so distracted. Internet = my drug. I know, sad. My sister used to joke all the time that "mom I don't think he eats. He lives off the light from his monitor" lol and funny thing is I spent several years not really chatting online, zero porn and just reading articles after articles. Mostly science and some tech and the science included medicine. I'm actually fascinated by science. I feel so weird and actually depressed if I haven't read something scientific that day. And yes I love creativity too but that's kind of like saying I like salt and pepper on my eggs for breakfast. Who eats them plain? It's gross actually. And I'm not a vocel and for sure not an incel but for my TBI they can't figure out they had me on respridol for a year or more and I did so damned well on school. I was a limp dick but I was reading and enjoying school and weber human says no we need you off you need to date etc. They flip flopped. I protested and said, no begged, please wait until I graduate because the women can't tempt me now. I completely ignore them. They can't get anywhere with me. They thought that was weird and I can't remember if they asked if I hated women or I'm gay and there's actually the problem. College degree = career, home, car, etc and then I can support a family. And dude, it's like women smell pheromones lol they were all over me after that. Omfg I couldn't get much done lol. They cold turkey took me off it and I guess cuz I made marriage jokes and told girls at singles wards I'm only showing up if there's refreshments. I knew I'd never finish my bachelor of science. I'm attracted to women and even my freshmen year, the married women were trying to herd me to their friends saying marriage is worth it even when you're poor just say yes, find that girl. And oddly, they were probably right. I was thinking linear. They were the ones thinking outside the box. I was trying to be sequential while they had wisdom. Well, my X chromosomes are hand-me-downs and I only got half of the ones my mom has lol. Half a brain means my life is tame. Lol I'll say yes now.🤭 (at North Ogden, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHmTpmth0M2/?igshid=8zxfsv4ot93g

[coll2mitts]

#83 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Merry Christmas in August!  Full transparency here, I was so burned out by The Muppets Take Manhattan that I took an entire month break on this project.  This was a good movie to dip my toe back in the water, as it is extremely charming, even though it is 90+ degrees outside and I’m generally melting.  The amount of popsicles I’ve eaten this summer is not only staggering, it’s embarrassing.

The Muppet Christmas Carol is a true to form Muppets movie, starting with a panoramic landscape view, following-up with 4th wall breaking gags, physical comedy, jaunty songs, and sincere emotional moments.  The Great Gonzo plays Charles Dickens, an omniscient narrator of the redemption story of Ebenezer Scrooge.  He and his sidekick Rizzo provide the needed levity throughout the entire movie, while we watch Michael Caine make every version of a sad and distraught face he can muster in an hour and 30 minutes.

The opening number, “Scrooge”, is reminiscent of “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast - the entire town is singing about the fact Scrooge is the literal worst, and they wouldn’t waste spit on his grave.  The cast is a good mix of Muppets and humans, but my favorite part of this song are the singing vegetables that also don’t like him.  I was having intense Making Fiends flashbacks, and I couldn’t stop giggling.

“Eat vegetables for every meal, or your lips will start to peel, and your eyeballs will fall out, and your feet will smell like trout.”

Once Scrooge makes it to work, he lashes out at his employees.  He first complains that millennials are buying avocado toast instead of paying their mortgage, and if they keep it up, he plans on evicting tenants left and right like he were an American landlord in the middle of a pandemic.  Kermit, our Bob Cratchit of the film, advocates for workers rights, and while he succeeds in convincing Scrooge to close the next day for Christmas, he fails at preventing his colleagues from dressing up like... whatever this is and dancing around like it’s August and they’ve eaten their weight in watermelon fruit bars.

Scrooge’s only living relative, Fred, pops in long enough to wish him a Merry Christmas and give him shit about being like Smaug hording his immense amount of wealth.  After being hit up for money from cinnamon roll Professor Honeydew to help wealth-insecure people during this joyous Christmas season, Scrooge tells them to shove off.  He processes his anger about the holiday, his employees asking for a living wage, losing money on rent, his Cheshire cat-grinning nephew, and most of all - socialism, in a productive and non-violent manner by chucking a wreath at a passing Christmas caroler.

Deciding he’s had enough of the general public and they’re cheery, caring ways, Scrooge heads home to brood in peace and work on his night cheese.  The rest of the Muppets, free of his tyranny, decide to celebrate by singing something that suspiciously sounds like the Christmas Vacation song.

Once Scrooge returns home, the real crux of the story begins.  For a children's’ movie, I was impressed at the detail given to set the ambiance for each ghost.  There is a true sense of suspense before his former business partners arrive, starting with the excessive ringing of the bells and the extinguishing of the fire.  The camera sweeps around the room, and seemingly nothing is amiss, but then you notice the fog rising from the stairwell.  The shaky camera focuses on Scrooge’s face, sweating, in a panic, as the room around him is distorted.  For a second you think it may be all in his head, until Statler and Waldorf, playing the ghosts of Jacob and Robert Marley, appear, and start ripping into Scrooge in true heckler fashion. 

This is where I confess that I dislike Charles Dickens.  I was forced to read Great Expectations, Oliver Twist, and A Tale of Two Cities in high school, as if there were a shortage of other white male authors we could read.  His writing style is extremely tedious to me - I think I finally lost it when there were 3 pages in Great Expectations describing how someone butters their bread, and how particularly they eat it.  Unfortunately, every other story written by him is guilty by association, including this Christmas classic that has been adapted 7000 times.

All this to say, I appreciated the Dickens burn when Scrooge utters, “There's more of gravy than of grave about you.”

The Marley brothers warn Scrooge if he doesn’t alter his behavior, he’ll end up tortured and chained like the two of them and their several singing lock boxes.  They warn him 3 ghosts will visit: one of Christmas past, one of Christmas present, and one of Christmas yet to come.  The spirit of Christmas past reveals Scrooge’s value of money hindered his relationships, so his sweet girlfriend leaves him alone to stew like an incel for the next like 30 years.  Conversely, Gonzo continues to exhibit a healthy chicken-based sexuality.  

The ghost of Christmas present, while very large and jovial, counteracts any good-time feelings by allowing Fred to get in a few sweet burns against his uncle, and chases that with the knowledge Cratchie’s tiny son will die if he doesn’t get any money to treat his unknown, crutch-based disability.

The ghost of Christmas yet to come, who is a literal ring wraith, just points at shit to show Scrooge nobody is going to care when he dies.  And for someone who, up until this point in the movie, didn’t seem to care about what others thought about him, is really bothered by this for some reason.

After the ghosts complete their haunting, Scrooge wakes up in his own bed, and is so motivated by his new lease on life that he visits all the shops Kermit told him would certainly be closed on Christmas.  He buys everyone presents and gathers enough food to feed a feast for kings.  He even makes that tiny caroling bunny lug around a massive turkey all around town, as a treat.  As Scrooge’s new found-family sits around the table to celebrate the holiest of Christian holidays, the cast reprises “When Love is Found”.  Awwwww.

Honestly, this is the only adaptation of this story I can stomach, and dare I say, enjoy?  The Muppets are adorable, the songs are fairly good, the story is well paced, and Gonzo and Rizzo are the most adorable comedic relief throughout the entire movie.  I almost burst into pieces after Rizzo offered jelly beans to an exasperated Gonzo.  They’re so supportive of each other :cries:

Muppet Treasure Island is next, which is my brother-in-law’s favorite Muppet movie, so if this turns out to be garbage I’m holding him personally responsible.

[angocanhha]

just a text post

(trigger warning: sexual assault, sex, genitals, porn, masturbation)

hi, bao lau chua gap. (saying hi reminded me of a suboi song, which that is a line from.)

lookit me, writing in this tumblr, thinking about you reading it. 

in my class yesterday, someone mentioned how ‘our (asian) community’ minimizes pain in order to move forward and that really gets to me especially when thinking about rape culture + beyond. i think you and i worry about the other person a lot, whether or not you are annoying or bothering me, whether or not i am pressuring you, and i think it really shows how much mental capacity we have. and i think we can also maybe try worrying less in that way so we can free up mental capacity.

i just went to planned parenthood to get an sti check, i am still hiv negative, woo. i did find out in september that i have hpv though. that spun my mind. who did i get it from? when did i get it? did i give it to q?

where is a place for me to process about he who should not be named? i guess it’s going to be here.

he liked me in high school. he asked me to junior prom. he liked movies back then. he still likes movies now. he smokes a lot of weed. he drives a blue tesla. he is a software engineer. (is this too much?) life is quite a spectacle and i wonder if there’s a purpose to everything, like if stars really align and we are part of a landscape of god (part of my class yesterday.) i imagined all the cells on my body having lives like we do, having relationships and conflicts of sorts, and eventually those cells die and make way for new cells. my body is an ecosystem, like this earth is.

but i guess back to the dude. he’s somewhat of an incel, i just learned this word. i called him a misogynist when i was drunk. we got drunk a lot, i got high somewhat. he has a younger sister and he has a mother who he cares for. at least i think he does. we exchanged secrets, we made secrets. and he made a mistake. he violated me. i think about extorting money from him. and i ask myself if i would feel better. i ask if i would keep wanting more. i ask if i would feel cheap or empowered. it’s sad. it’s really sad.

i thought this guy was my friend. i thought i was his friend. he made a mistake. he violated me. he gifted me trauma and he is the second person to do so. it’s sad, it’s really sad.

it’s been about a month since i last saw him, since i stopped talking to him, since i last spoke with him. i wonder what i would do if i saw him at a coffee shop, on the street, in a store, at a gathering. i wonder when im going to tell his sister, if i’m going to tell his mother, if i’m going to tell his future girlfriend or wife. do i want him to suffer? what if he doesn’t suffer?

there is a thich nhat hanh buddhism precept/principle that says sexual relations is hurtful., actually, here’s the actual text:

knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, i am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends.

it’s part of the five mindfulness trainings. and it resonates deeply with me now.

i’ve used sex. i used sex to create excitement and distract. sex as a drug is so powerful, it puts me in a mental state that is out of this world, it motivates me and uplifts my mood for a very long sustained period of time. it’s a way for me to express with my body what i feel in my mind whether that be adoration, obsession. the thrill takes over and the dopamine / serotonin high seems to cure my mental negativity. i have acted foolishly for physical affection and the price for sex is higher than i imagined.

so what am i running from? what is my life like that i am so excited by sex? i mean sex feels great sometimes but now that i know the consequences, what will it be like to do without it. i really didn’t think that i wanted to go without it. but i do remember when my mom gave me the talk. i remember us going for a walk around our block and her bringing up sex with me, which i thought was out of character. or maybe i brought it up, i’m not sure. what i still remember though is her telling me that sex doesn’t need to be practiced or experimented with. when i find the right person, we will have a lifetime to explore (+improve?) and i took that message away with me, that i can wait until i get married to have sex.

but then i didn’t. desire is strong. the body rewards sexual sensations. but i think i kept it pretty under control until my third year of college.

it’s sad to think that the first time i was penetrated, i did not give consent. it happened and i was ok that it happened. i only realized the importance of affirmative consent to me years later and i’m glad i brought it up with that queer partner who penetrated me. we had a lot of sex after the first time. and i guess the rest is history.

i’ve thought about stopping. i’ve thought about not having sex until i am ‘really’ married. but i always cave, i always get lusty and think, what’s the point. especially in the moment.

maybe i’ll try again. maybe i’ll wait for that special someone that i decide i could and will spend the rest of my life with to get nekkid and have fun with. until then, we’ll just skirt around lips and leave cloth on our genital areas. i can find other ways to satisfy the craving that won’t leave me wondering my worth.

because nowadays, i find it hard to masturbate. i think of him and stop. i feel sad and angry. and i wonder if he’s stopped masturbating too. it’s sad. maybe i could watch porn and i have, i especially condone crashpad series. but maybe i also need to write a couple more posts about sex. so i have a better understanding of my body and mind when it comes to genitals and such.

after the first assault, i returned to sex after i returned to the u.s. and my partner. i thought maybe it would be hard but it turned out easier than i thought it would be. but i do recognize that oral being performed on me is pretty intimate for me. the other person would know what i taste like. but i wonder if it’s bc of how that person assaulted me that i hold that act so close to my heart, to protect it. i mean, i’m also self conscious about how i smell and taste down there but i guess that’s a vulnerability that can also be rewarding.

him though, i guess i’m still recovering. the first time, there was a two month waiting period before i could have sex with my partner again. trauma from sexual assault can be a pretty effective lust killer if not sex-prevention tool (such a sad joke, but i guess i need it.) it’s been about a month since the last time we had sex and so maybe i just need to wait another month until i’m ok to do it again.

but i don’t think i will. i don’t really want to use sex as a drug anymore. it will probably be hard but maybe this time my resolution will stick.

queued monday feb 22 11:16A, edited 3:23P

[ecotone99]

[UR] I failed No Nut November. I wrote this back in November 2019.

In 2018, my friend Gabe told me about No Nut November (NNN as the experienced call it.) I thought it was a really stupid idea. Why would you purposely stop busting nuts?!? It just didn't make sense. Gabe just kept telling me about it, about how you get stronger, how girls are more attracted to you, and many of the other effects of NNN. I figured - why not try?

So, I did. It was LIFE CHANGING!!! All the benefits Gabe mentioned occurred and more, such as my forearms becoming equal in size! The thirst from girls was real, and I could hardly keep them off of me. I did though, I would not give in! In just two short weeks I was a convert. I finished the month with almost sayian like strength, and was truly proud of myself. (My dad was too!)

But, I was brought down into sin by Destroy Dick December (DDD), and I lost my streak. I told myself I would do it all over again in NNN2K19, desperate for my nut-less powers.

The rest of this past year has been dark. I truly have been a sad, lonely incel. Weeks pass where I feel that I am in a fog, seeking the next nut, addicted! The only time I truly feel like me is during my post nut clarity, only for it to slip away and for the haze to return. Girls won't look at me. Truly desperate, I browsed Instagram for cute girl pics for days at a time. In September I reached my lowest point, as my crush made eye contact with me I had a seizure. I woke up in Gabe's arms. "SpohCbmal" he said, "I know you can do this. NNN is only one month away. You can make it."

I didn't know if could, but it was all I had. After what felt like an eternity, November 1st came.

I woke up alert, glancing at my alarm. 5:00AM. I couldn't sleep though, I felt like I was a child again, waking up for Christmas. This is it, NNN2K19. I jumped out of bed heading to take a shower. The urge - the urge was still there, yet it was overshadowed by my excitement. It was going to be a difficult month. But it would be worth it.

I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and put on my nicest clothes. I was in the kitchen, steaming scrambled eggs sprinkled with cheese and eloquently decorated with parsley. Waffles, browned to the color of hazelnut and smelling of a simmering, radiant blueberry syrup on my plate. How did I get here? I must have made this breakfast. The benefits of NNN were already taking place.

My school starts at 7:20 but I decided to arrive 30 minutes early. I waited at the West entrance of the school for Gabe and Ricky. They arrived as school began.

"You're here early!"

Gabe said, as he slapped my ass just as he usually did. Gabe grimaced, shaking his hand.

"Hard as a rock."

He laughed. I met eyes with Gabe and Ricky. We all new why I was here early, we all knew why my ass now had the strength of steel.

The rest of the day rushed on by. This fog that had been with me for the past year was gone. Finally, I could see the world with post nut clarity for longer than 10 seconds! 8th period ( my last class) came along. My entire day so far had been so different from my typical day. Normally I sit in class, with my eyes downcast, quiet. All I will think about is how I will do as little work on this assignment as possible, so I can go bust a nut. Sometimes I take a bathroom break to go choke the chicken, my precious seed spilling out into the sink. Nobody talks to me, save my friends Gabe and Ricky. On my worst days I skip my lunch with them to go sizzle the sausage.

Today was different though. I was talking with one of my classmates named Tom about Apex Legends, fueled to socialize by my newfound power. Another classmate Christina came up to me. I've never really noticed Christina before, but she is surprisingly hot, with Auburn hair, an hourglass figure, and beautiful hazel eyes. Christina sat down next to me.

"Hey SpohCbmal. I know we never talk, but I noticed that you are a lot happier today and thought I might come talk to you."

Clearly she has noticed my NNN gains.

"Oh yeah, true haha. Why is that?" I replied in a smooth sort of way.

"Well, normally you act pretty weird, and are always staring at some of the girls. But, I'm glad today is different!"

Clearly Christina figured I normally acted creepy or something along those lines. In my haze I really didn't look at anyone, except on rare occasion, so I don't really know what she was getting at.

"Well" Christina said, "Me and some other classmates will be having an early Halloween party planned for tonight, do you want to come?"

I had not and still have not heard of an "early Halloween party", but I don't go to parties. I told Christina that I would love to come.

Here is where things started to go downhill.

At 9:00PM I arrived at the location that Christina told me about. Cars were lined down the block, and the house the party was in was lit up and swarming with people. I parked down the street, to where I had arranged to meet with Gabe. (Not Ricky though I low key hate him)

Gabe was there waiting. As I approached him he slapped my ass as he usually does. He grasped his hand.

"Fuck dude that is a tight ass!" He exclaimed.

I looked him in the eyes. I knew why it was that way and so did Gabe. We headed to the party.

There were so many people at the party I could hardly get through the door! It was like a mini Project X party, with people spilling out the entrances and all over the yard. As I entered I didn't recognize anyone I knew, so I simply walked into the middle of the party, and Gabe ended up getting lost somewhere behind me. As I turned around to look for him I hear someone call out -

"SpohCbmal!!"

It was Christina. Immediately she caught up with me, wrapping her hands around my shoulder and pushed a bottle of beer into my hands.

"Drink up!" She shouted over the din.

I certainly wished Gabe was here so I could crack open this cold one with him! I popped the top and took a drink.

Christina motioned to an open door where inside I could see a group of people sitting in a circle. Pushing our way through the people was so hard we ended up stumbling into the room laughing.

"Hey!" A girl with blond hair said excitedly to us.

I think that she was a friend of Christina's.

"Sit down, we are playing spin the bottle."

She said as she pulled us down to the ground. There were about 8 people in the group, with 5 girls and 3 guys. With Christina and I there were 10. We sat on both sides of Christina's friend. A girl with brown hair and freckles across the circle spun the bottle, which then stopped on another girl in the circle. The girl with the brown hair crawled across the circle, then procedded to lick the other girls face from the bottom to the top, then setting her hands behind her head and making out passionatly.

I was starting to like this game. A guy on the right of Christina spun the bottle, which means that my turn was in 4 turns, Christina's in 2. The bottle began to creep to a stop... running over Christina, Christina's friend, and then... To me.

The guy looked at me nervously. He could sense my masculinity. I didn't want this. He didn't want this. "Come on!" Someone in the circle shouted. Crawling over to me, he gave me a peck on the cheek, quietly whispering

"No Homo."

I wispered back "Full Homo."

The man looked at me with shock in his eyes. Tears running down his cheek, he dashed out of the room.

While the others in the room were suprised, they got over it quickly. Another girl spun the bottle giggling. She gave a guy in the circle a smooch on the forehead. It was now Christinas turn. The bottle spun around and around, slowing down to land on Christina's blond haired friend. This was going to be fun. The bottle kept spinning and it landed on... me!

Christina looked towards me, meeting my gaze.

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