#they could've played this solely for laughs but they didn't

[mayuichi]

“My joy... My joy is when I'm next to them.„

Wriothesley x Reader. No warnings!

note: i almost dont have anything piled up anymore!!!

“My... joy?„ his right eyebrow rose in confusion. “Mhm. What is your joy ? Beside handling the Fortress of Meropide, what brings you happiness ?„

On that day, he couldn't answer the question his friend asked him. What was his joy beside being the Duke ? Taking care of others and everything related to the Fortress of Meropide was his sole purpose for a long time.

“I don't think I have any, Monsieur Neuvillette.„ he responded with a chuckle, but the man before him didn't budged. “That is sad. I hoped you could've enlighten me on what can bring happiness to a human...„

The Duke's expression changed to one of worry, yet he couldn't express it properly. “Why don't you ask to Lady Furina then ? She may know a thing or two.„ but the white haired man shook his head. “Lady Furina is... I do not mean to dismiss her knowledge, but I doubt she can answer the questions I have.„

He hums in understanding. It was a rare sight to see the Iudex himself come to the Fortress, especially for such a private matter. But who would the Duke be to refuse entry to a friend ?

But now, a year has passed since Neuvillette wondered on that. And he finally had an answer to his question, so when they saw each other, they planned to see again around a tea in the Duke's office.

They are seated around his office desk, the steams escaping their hot drinks. “Monsieur Neuvillette, I can answer to your question now.„ he claims aloud, a smile creeping up his face just to think about what he's about to say.

“My joy... My joy is when I'm next to them. When I get back to my quarters and they awaits me here, it's amazing. Knowing I have someone to rely on and let myself be vulnerable around is such a relief. For example, just yesterday...„

...

“Wrio.„ he's working on paperwork. Don't you know to leave him peacefully when he works ? “Wrio.„ your voice makes him want to scoop you up and joke around, just so he can also hear your laugh. “Wrio.„

But his paperwork awaits. He can't always let you distract him. “Wriooo!„ yet your whining gets louder and louder until he slams his pen against the desk. “What is it ?„ he looks upset, but he isn't. He just wants you to know to not disturb him.

“Can I play with your hair?„ he blinks. What was that request of yours again ? Why would you even want to play with his hair ? “Is there a problem with my hair?„ he's intrigued now.

“I just want to! It looks soft.„ he sighs and stares at you. With your puppy dogs eyes, he could just not resist. With a low laughter, he gives in. “Alright, alright. But stay quiet. I need to work, baby.„ you eagerly nod.

Once he focuses back again, you massage his scalp, mess with his hair as well. It's indeed soft. Who would've knew the Duke takes such care in his hair ? Or perhaps, it's just naturally this way. In any case, it makes you love it.

You don't peek on his paperwork though. He has always been clear for it. He doesn't want you to be involved in anything concerning the Fortress of Meropide. He wants to keep you away from all that world.

Toying further with his hair, you smirk for yourself at a simple thought. You would purposefully make his hair look like he has wolf ears. And so you innocently begin to execute your plan.

And by the end of it, he thought he earned himself a small break, unbeknownst to him about his hairstyle. He carefully takes your petite hand in his big one, to lead you around.

He couldn't understand why everyone would look weirdly at him. He glances down to look at his clothes.. No, everything is in order. “Baby, do you know why they are acting weird ?„ you shake your head, keeping up your act. “No idea.„

It's only when he goes to check on Sigewinne he realizes something is wrong. The way she holds in her laugh. She never mocked him, so why today ? “My love, fetch me a mirror.„ he orders you. “Why ? Nothing is wrong with you.„

His glance tells you everything. He doesn't ask you to, he orders you. You silently gulp and search around the infirmary for a mirror, and when you find one, you hand it to him, taking your distance.

Inspecting his appearance carefully, it lasts a little more before he sees the different hairstyle. A grin spreads on his lips as he hands the mirror to Sigewinne. “Baby...„

It's too much for you, you burst in laughter. But you're fast to stop and start running to his office. “You little-!„ he chases after you.

He's way faster than you normally, so you know he purposefully slows down just so you can reach his office before him. Once in, you try to hide behind a recess in the wall.

You can hear his footsteps stomping on the floor, faking his upset mood. “Baby, I know you're here, you little prick. Come out.„

It's becoming harder to hold your laugh. Due to it, a noise escapes your lips. He rapidly rushes to you, grasping your wrists to pin you against the wall.

“Such a little freak, aren't you ? It's funny, right ? Making fun of your boyfriend in front of his employees and prisoners.„ you know he isn't mad, he would've already throw you out of the Fortress to have some time alone otherwise.

“Don't blame me, those fake wolf ears fit you so well!„ you squirm underneath his grip. He reveals his teeth, leaning against your neck to press a trail of kisses. “Such a little tease I have for a lover, huh...„

He lets a hand slide across your cheek, freeing a hand of yours. He sighs in contentment. How could he have someone so perfect after all ? He couldn't be happier.

After a few more kisses on your neck, his lips collide with you in a passionate kiss. Do you ever realized he's a greedy man ? Perhaps he's been starving for so long.

Pulling away from the kiss, he scoops you and sits at his desk, letting you rest on his lap. His head nuzzling in your neck, an arm around your waist to hold you still, he grabs his pen once more.

“You're my little prick, aren't you?„ you happily hum, pressing your back against his muscular torso. You know you're going to stay here while he works until he decides the day is off.

...

“I see... So they bring you happiness ?„ Neuvillette wonders, a hand reaching his chin as he loses himslef in his thoughts. “Indeed. I never thought I could have anything making me happier than the Fortress, but they proved me I was wrong.„

Sipping on the tea, Neuvillette nods his head, understanding how he might feel.

“They're my bundle of joy. To me... Joy is just being anywhere near them, and knowing they're mine.„

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ mayuichi's property. do not repost, copy or translate without permission.

[kzdigiarc]

best friends mingi & yunho who you've known for years and have always been close with. you were actually close with all the other boys too but you had a connection with those two specifically. you did nearly everything together from grocery shopping to gaming to dancing. you'd always thought the pair were attractive but never rly thought too deeply about those feelings for fear of them blossoming into something more. you kept your thoughts about them strictly platonic. what you didn't know is that both of them struggled with the same issue.

yunho has no idea when the switch happened, when he started seeing you as anything more than their cute best friend. but now he can't get you off his mind. when you're not there, he worries about how you're doing and if you're okay and if you need anything and did you eat or sleep well? are you stressed about work or school? the thoughts swirl constantly, thats when he knew he cared for you as more than just a friend.

mingi, on the otherhand, had always known he liked you. the way you laughed at his dumb jokes even when you tried to hold it in, the way you always took his side in the group's fake debates, the way you always cheered him on when he danced, the way you took care of everyone but denied that you needed anything (secretly loving when they reciprocated anyway). everything about you was captivating to him so when those feelings grew it was a gradual thing, didn't take him by surprise at all. he'd always been honest with himself about how he felt about you. and he noticed almost immediately when yunho started to feel the same. so obviously they talked about it and came to the conclusion that they both had no idea how to approach the subject with you. neither of them knew if you felt the same.

weeks go by and things start to feel.... different. you all look at each other longer than you should. mingi becomes more touchy, yunho becomes more protective, you become more relaxed and you all notice the shift. one night, after your trio spent the whole day together doing god knows what, the tension snaps. you'd all been watching a movie, you were sandwiched in between the two as usual and at first your attention was solely on the tv. but with your legs draped over mingi's legs and your head resting on yunho's shoulder you felt... safe. at home. and more comfortable and vulnerable than you'd ever felt with the two. so much so that you don't think anything of it when mingis hand shifts from it's spot on your calves to resting on your thigh. don't even notice the yunhos fingers are playing with yours. and you definitely don't see the way mingi is stealing glances at you every time you react to the movie on screen. don't see the way he watches you or the unspoken exchange he shared with yunho, who's been looking at you too. but you notice when mingi shifts and his hands brush higher up your bare thighs. you look up at him and are taken aback by the look in his eyes. he's never looked at you like that before. (oh he has, you just never caught him) something in the air shifts and you finally feel it, the tension now palpable. you're suddenly very aware of their skin on yours and need to get out. right now.

"i'm g'na go get some water." you stretch and get up, hoping your voice didn't come out as shaky as you felt. and even thought it didn't, yunho & mingi know you well enough to see the nerves rolling off you, know you well enough to see the way you're purposely ignoring eye contact with either of them. and yunho could've sworn you were blushing. while you're getting your water you reprimand yourself for the thoughts rushing your head. images of their hands all over you, of your mouth on mingis and yunhos mouth on you. images of being held open by yunhos big hands while mingi makes you see stars with his head between your legs. images of them taking you right on that couch, having their way with you. you shake your head as if that will dispel those thoughts. it doesn't. now you have two options: go back out there and act like nothing happened or confront the tension between the three of you.

[trentknd]

"What's their name again?" Kylian's question came with a raised brow, his hand adjusting the costly watch sitting on his left wrist. You were both in the backseat of a taxi heading to the venue, your beau in Jordan's and a tan cargo, unsuspecting of the event you were attending.

"Deftones." You had finally convinced your boyfriend to come with you to a concert and the moment you saw your favorite band playing in Paris, you couldn't have passed the occasion. Aware of his status and busy schedule, you knew you had to make the most out of all the hours you could spend with him during the week, and surprising him with a new experience seemed fitting.

"And remind me what kind of music do they play?" You cozy up next to him on the seat, linking your arm with his and dropping your head on his upper arm.

"Oh, just R&B. You'll love them I promise." You tilt your head with the most innocent smile you could muster up and squeeze his hand on your lap, leading him on. With the hand holding yours, his thumb sticks out to trace meaningless patterns on your skin.

"I trust your taste." If it wasn't for the absurdity of the situation, you could've melted at his words and the preciosity of his naivety. Despite everything, you knew telling him you were going to see a metal band would've sprung an immediate reluctance and you had to use a bit of ingenuity to make him get rid of his bias.

For now, the aux you had politely asked the driver to plug was playing a Brent Faiyaz song, Kylian's light foot-tapping to the rhythm almost as melodious as his voice. You spent the entire ride bickering over who got to pick the next song, ultimately letting him win the fight each time, scared that he'll hate the music later anyways.

"We've arrived." At the driver's announcement, Kylian whips out a beanie and some sunglasses he had stolen from you, his usual attire to hide away from the public. What made you smile at the whole ordeal each time was that he didn't know that those two accessories did not conceal his identity but made him all the more attractive to your eyes.

As soon as you step out of the taxi, a man you assume to be a tour manager greets you both and leads you to the back entrance of the relatively big concert venue. Kylian puts a hand on the small of your back to guide you through the lengthy alleyways and your cheeks redden, not at the gesture, but in anticipation of what was he was about to discover.

The manager's small talk abruptly ends as soon as he opens the door to a secretive area of the arena and lets you both in. You take a few seconds to take in the grandeur of the place, your eyes sparkling with pure exhilaration and joy. Kylian uncharacteristically ignores the man's request to take a picture with him and his ramble about the world cup final. He was too enthralled in the way your eyes were flicking from one spot to the other, taking in the energy that reverberated throughout the room and your beam making his heart swell at the sole look at it.

The young footballer was snapped out of his trance when you turned to look at him over your shoulder and mouthed to take the picture with the poor man, which he did in a hurry to get back to your date. "Excited?" He asked when he came back to you and finally removed his beanie and shades in the secluded area. He was still oblivious to who was about to perform in a few minutes, despite his attire so obviously clashing with hundreds of fans clad in black jeans and black eyeliners.

In that sense, you were glad you had taken him to a Deftones concert, almost certain that their audience was probably not one to freak out upon seeing him. You selfishly gloated at the fact that it'd humble him just the slightest. "Beyond." Your nod came with yet another squeeze of his hand and the brightest grin adorning your features.

As soon as the lights turned off, your heart dropped and Kylian laughed upon seeing you excitingly tapping your feet up and down on the floor like a child. When the band members started coming out, he started suspecting you had not brought him to an R&B concert but he'd have even attended a country music concert if it meant seeing you as happy as you were in that moment.

Once the band had started playing their first song, 'Change' which coincidentally was your favorite, you turned around in the confined space that was your private spot on the balcony to look at him. To your surprise and much to your despair, his eyes were fixated on your frame rather than the stage.

"Look at them, not me!" You scowl at him, to which he only slowly shook his head, a smile slowly creeping on his face.

"Why? It's a better view." His arms were crossed across your chest, his head laying on top of yours while he swayed you both lightly at the music. You rolled your eyes at his corny retort, content nonetheless that he seemed to appreciate the music.

"It's like you never had wings." Your mutter of the song's lyrics came in a slow breath before whipping your head back up to your date "Now, you feel so alive." In the same cadence as the main singer, you dramatically resume your theatrics and hold his cheek in your palm "I've watched you change."

"Media says it a lot but I wouldn't say I've changed that much." Kylian says matter-of-factly, earning a slap on his chest from you and a dirty look. His apology could not even be heard when the crowd started screaming the chorus and banging their heads in what looked like perfect unison. This was definitely not his crowd nor his typical Sunday night but oddly enough, he felt a deep sense of gratitude that you had put up a plan to bring him to your favorite band's concert. You were aware that he would have rented out an entire arena for them to only perform for you if you had told him the truth initially.

"And when he smashed his guitar, that was so cool, right?" Your face was painted with elation, your lips slightly parted and your eyes wild. Kylian mindlessly nodded, too absorbed by your frantic rant to be able to answer with a coherent thought. You were both now walking around Paris, experiencing a dreadful post-concert high and gushing back and forth about your favorite parts of the show.

Your lover's impression of the concert was only amplified by how happy just two hours of music had made you. His heart swelled more and more, each minute you both passed strutting down the streets of the city, now in a comfortable silence. His infliction had come to an end upon arriving on your apartment's doorstep in Montmartre, the sun just now rising and leaving a pink hue on your face in the process.

"I'm glad you chose me to come with you tonight. " His clamor of adoration for you would come in upcoming sunrises. The farewell words put on his lips to mutter already heavy with a meaning you both didn't know the full amplitude of just yet.

[astyrial]

raincheck daniel sousa x fem!reader (fluff) synopsis: sousa just can’t keep his priorities straight word count: 966 warnings: bleeding, gunshot wound, scars, slight ooc masterlist | requests are open

    knowing agent sousa as long as you've known him, means knowing when to avoid him. after a rather long day of annoying coworkers and tough paperwork? you avoid drinks with him. you get injured in the line of duty? you slip past him in the ssr building to patch yourself up. being a woman within reserve is hard enough, so having to constantly bring up your injuries only makes it worse. 

  obviously if you're injured enough, you end up at the hospital, but a simple stab wound or a grazing on the upper arm? you find a needle and thread and fix it yourself. over time, you've found yourself arming more scars than you care to share, small ones scattered along your body. for the most part, they're unnoticeable, little lines that could be played off as cat scratches.

  however, one on your bicep left a rather long mark, deep scar tissue surrounding it. you tend to cover it with a blouse or at least jacket, but when you're quickly throwing your jacket off to attempt to apply pressure on sousa's leg, it's the only thing he can see. 

  "what happened?"

  "you got shot, sousa, that's what happened. didn't know you also hit your head on the way down," you push down on the spot, an inadvertent groan leaving his lips, hands running down his face. 

  he shakes his head, "no, you, what happened to your arm?"

  you look down at your bicep, noticing the long and gnarly scar staring back at you. it wasn't like you were insecure of it, or worried of how someone would think it affects you aesthetically. a part of you knows that you will always be pitied within the work you do, you just didn't want it to be any worse, "you got shot and you're worried about some old wound?"

  "when it comes..." he stops for a second, breath wavering as you continue holding it down, "to you, i- i do."

  your breath hitches, gaze flickering between your blood soaked jacket and his eyes. there's a certain air to them that makes your heart beat quicken. especially as the sun shines onto them, a sweet honey color hidden within. he can’t help but stare back at you as he pictures your eyes losing whatever hope and glimmer they still have. 

  "well... agent sousa, maybe focus on yourself this time," you focus your attention solely onto the jacket, ignoring his gaze.

  sousa's hands push against the flooring, helping him sit up, his eyes wide and bewildered, "agent? thought we were moving closer to daniel rather than farther," he leans against an ottoman that he moves to be a little closer behind him.

  "maybe after we get you some help," you look up to meet his eyes, your hands still firmly pressing against the bullet wound.

  despite the bullet grazing his calf, there's still a decent amount of blood soaking your jacket. a short smirk grows along his lips, the adrenaline from the subtle flirting somewhat helping mask the pain. you can't help but hold back a very blatant smile as you look back down at his leg. your gaze returning to the jacket as the seams lose their beige color. 

  "so, we wait until the ambulance and back up gets here and then we grab dinner?" sousa brings a hand forward, wrapping it around the back of your palm, completely ignoring the blood brushing against his fingers.

  you look back up at him, nearly laughing at the idea. not at the idea of going on a date with him, per say, that'd be amazing. but rather that instead of focusing on the thick red liquid soaking your second favorite jacket coming from his leg, he's asking you out on a date. him and the warm scent of firewood stemming from his cologne. "what? grab dinner? you're slowly losing blood, you need to think of your current priorities."

  "you're my current priority, y/n. we could've died, so many times, so i'm not wasting anymore time," sousa keeps his lips into a slight frown, his eyes losing his shine.

  you look at your scar and back at him, knowing he's fully right. the two of you played around your feelings so much that it never seemed like the time. you could've died many a times, but you always imagined yourself living a long and healthy life. however, as blood dries on your hands, caking under your nails, you can't help but understand where he's coming from.

  sirens sound throughout the building, the ambulance and reserve vehicles coming close. you take in a deep breath, "raincheck, okay? tonight we're fixing up your leg and you're relaxing."

  "tomorrow?"

  "you're probably still going to be struggling tomorrow- i don't know if that would be a very-"

  he leans forward, not even a small grunt from moving can stop him from moving his hands up to your face. his thumbs running along your cheekbones as your lips tenderly collide with his. they're soft, tasting like fresh lip balm and his cologne. one of his hands moves to the back of your neck as you feel his thumb touch your earlobe. 

  heat rises to your face, fingers clenching against his leg, a guttural sound of pain escapes his throat. you lean back, eyebrows furrowing, "daniel, oh wow, i'm so sorry, are you okay?"

  "i'm amazing, now; my leg could use a check up, though," he watches as your eyes quickly roll, jaw clenching, "but i’m amazing because you’re here.”

  "and they'll be here any second to take you away and fix up your leg. so, you're going to sit back and once everything is done, you're going to cash in that raincheck," your breath wavers, gaze never leaving his. 

  "hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later."

[itsoutrageouss]

Like a bellflower - chapter two

chapter two of like a bellflower, a Joel Miller x Fem!Oc fanfiction

warnings: blood, violence, clickers, typical tlou things

words: 2,4k

Story taglist // chapter one

2. No ammo, no sleep

✿✿✿

The soles of my feet were aching. We hadn’t spoken since he gave me his name. I tested it wordlessly on my tongue, joel, joel joel. Lot of tongue work in the name. As we walked, the sun baked over os, glaring peacefully at the destroyed land around us. The suburb houses with vines snaking over the woodwork, a firefly mark on one of them, I noted. 

Joel didn’t stop, or talk so I didn't either. I hadn’t felt this kind of peace in a while, I noted. Since that day, that damned day when Kade found me, nothing but terror had reigned in my body. It still did, creeping and simmering in the backbones of my body, under the waves it bubbled but I left it undisturbed for the time. 

As we moved, I thought it more and more ridiculous that the horse wasn’t used to carry at least one of us- I understood fully that it's a lovely companion to have just in itself but in today's world survival and practicality came first, and anything could be used as something it wasn’t. And I knew for a fact that horses were often used to carry people. 

I think Joel saw it in my face, when he from time to time looked over the horse to make sure I was still there, and saw my envious glare on the bag that was strapped over the horse. He too didn’t say anything. I felt like I was playing a game with him. Maybe if I lost and talked first he’d leave me on the roadside and ride off. Just the thought made a rush of anxiety shoot up my throat and into my mouth, my teeth clenching down hard on nothing. 

I think hours went by. I put a hand on the warm, moving body of the chestnut horse and closed my eyes, letting it lead me forward. I imagined I was back in Spain. Lovely, warm Spain with the orange trees and the stone courtyards. The sun was the same that had shone on my child-self in the rural part of the country, as well as in the city, when it would peak through church bells swinging back and forth. Sometimes I wondered, if we hadn’t gone back to the US for those couple of months -we pendled back and forth between America and Spain ever since i was born- life would’ve been different. My dad loved Spain more than anything- he would’ve gotten around better than we did here. But of course, doing a worldwide pandemic no flight would take us back. Now I knew I would never get to see the beauty of it again, and I didn't dare think of how it looked now; drowned in the dust of ruin and violence. I imagined the entire country had been enveloped by an impenetrable bubble. Everything there would be the same, spanish men with tan skin and loud laughs, nuns with kind smiles, dusty cats snaking around your ankles in the plazas. 

“Belle?” Joel's gruff voice shook me from my daydream, and I realized that my eyes had been closed the entire time. When i opened them again, joel was in front of me, blocking the bright sun that now shimmered around his shadow like he was an angel. 

“Hm?” 

“If you’re needing anything, now is the time to stock up,” he said, moving out of the way. We were at the foot of a bigger city. The kind with skyscrapers that had cracked halfway down like an old tree in a storm. The kind where plants had overgrown over every surface. Despite everything, the plants thrived and looked more beautiful than when us humans had control over the world. Now we felt like subjects to nature again. 

“Okay.” I needed ammo. I actually didn’t have any left. When I had pointed my gun at Joel, it was as empty a promise as it could be. All I could've done was throw it at him really hard. Maybe he knew. 

“You need ammo,” he said bluntly and started walking. Yes, he definitely knew. I sighed. An old convenience store snaked around the first corner we came to. The windows had been smashed and it looked dark and wet inside. This city might be infected by thousands, I thought. I pulled out a little knife from my belt. 

“Behind me,” Joel ordered, and his broad shoulder obstructed my view, his hands up and steady around his gun, back held tightly in suspense as we opened the door. Strangely enough, the little bell still worked and rang loudly as Joel opened the door. We were greeted, unluckily. A hoarse, broken sound of something once human screeched out as soon as we stepped inside. 

“Hide,'' Joel hissed, pushing me to the side behind an old rack of magazines. I nearly slipped on the dirty tile floor, wet with mud and blood and footprints. I snaked along the isles and pressed up against the corner. Joel was ahead, peering out behind the magazines. Clicking noises. They made shivers dance up my spine and I had to stop my body from crawling in on itself. On my left, between the back wall and an old produce aisle, I heard a low snarl and a click click click. Those noises were impossible for any human to make, ear piercing even when whispered. 

Joel moved swiftly and I whipped my head around to see him charge forward and out of my sight. If he didn’t know about the second clicker, it would come at him unprepared when the other would howl into its death. And I couldn’t tell him. I clutched the knife until the bones in my hand shook and left footsteps of mud as I ran the other way from Joel. I didn’t have time to strategise, or sneak because I heard the roar of the other clicker. It was like the sound activated something in me because I hurled onto the other clicker, stabbing with all my might into the stringy, meaty neck of the monster. The feel of the knife penetrating through flesh ripped through my hand, but I did it again. And again. Its arms flailed out trying to pry me off by scratching along my legs. Being clamored to such a nasty creature made me want to run; fast, hard and far. Instead I stabbed it over and over wherever the knife would hit, hoping it wouldn’t tear my own skin on accident. A pair of very human hands grabbed the creature's head and flung it to the ground, shaking me off simultaneously. I fell flat on my ass while Joel put one last stab in its back and the sounds died out with a painful wheeze. 

The palms of my hands burned where they had scraped the ground, blood mixing with mud. 

“Are you okay?” Joel asked, his gun pointed to the ground, though he still held it tight to his body, peering out the broken glass and into the backrooms of the kiosk. I reached up, and to my surprise tears were warm on my cheeks again. I really had to stop crying so much. I nodded and went to stand up. My bones had seemed to liquify and I might've fallen into a puddle, like spilled ice cream if I tried moving. 

I was so tired. My body had been on high alert ever since- ever since I killed all those people, and Kane found me on the ground. At that moment I hated that I didn’t have any bullets. He thought I was dead, but I scattered like a mouse when he tried to ransack me for stuff. I surrendered fully to him and his group- the only people around me that hadn’t died. 

“Hey! Are you hurt?” Joel asked, louder and seemingly annoyed at my lack of response. 

“No.” I didn’t have any wounds, at least. With a slipping grip I held onto the aisle shelves and dragged my skeleton up. A handprint of dark blood was left on the white, shiny metal. I didn’t want to look at it, and didn’t want to know how I looked, splattered in blood and tears. I bet my hair was all messed up. I liked to be clean in this unsanitary world but found it increasingly harder as time went by to uphold the same face and delicacy as before. My personal battle with the world; I was a restorer of softness in a place where everything was dirty and old. It was an art I felt everyone around me had left behind- the small joys and beauties of caring for yourself. Nice smells, blooming flowers, red cheeks. 

I started, realizing I was just standing, with no purpose or expression. Joel was growing impatient and I picked up my knife, sheathed it after cleaning it thoroughly. 

Joel had already moved along into the next room. 

“You needed ammo?” he asked, muffled behind walls. I puffed up my chest and willed my feet to move. The room was dark and humid. His back was turned to me, broad and bending over crates. 

I didn’t want more ammo, truth be told. “Yes. I don’t have any at all, actually.”

“What gun do you have?” he was rummaging still, pulling things out and placing them in a bag. I didn’t know.

“This one,” I muttered, fishing it out and holding it flat in my palm, balancing it carefully without touching it. The blood on my hands was staining and creasing in the lines of my palm. 

He only took a look at it before turning back around. I went to put the pack of ammo into my bag. The cardboard was wet and the bullets nearly fell from the absolving encasement. 

“You’re supposed to put them in the gun, you know?” Joel said with a brow raised. The scarce hint of amusement and sarcasm was the most emotion he’d expressed in the last 8 hours of knowing each other. It made me nervous, i felt ridiculous because obviously they were going in the gun but i'd rather put it off. I fumbled and the cardboard fell apart beneath my fingertips and bullets scattered onto the tiles, clanging loudly. Joel raised a hand to silence me, looking around. There was a pregnant pause. No clickers. 

I fell to the floor and picked the bullets up one by one, putting them into the holster with gritted teeth. Now it was done. No one said I had to use it just because it was loaded, though that was probably what was expected of me. Joel kept looking at me as if he was trying to figure something out. I didn’t want him to figure anything out so I headed back out into the sun. I felt his eyes following me, and once again I hid behind the horse. The trusty, big horse that divided us. I felt the muscles of its stomach contract under my palm as I smoothed along its side where the sun had hit. It felt the dust that clung to its coat, sweeping it off meticulously until the chestnut brown shone brightly. 

“What’s your name pretty?”  I asked sweetly, feeling the unmatched softness of a horse's mule. It breathed warm air onto the bare skin of my arm, bowing its head like a greeting to me. Whatever was on Joel's mind, he seemed to have dropped it when he came back.

“Doesn’t have one.” Instead of shying away on the other side of the animal, he stood in front of me, a hand held out waitingly. I screwed up my face in confusion. Did he want me to shake his hand? Give him something?

“You can barely walk straight.” he replied to my silent question. I felt grateful, but I didn’t want him to know that my feet were dying. I wasn’t going to be a bother to him already, especially not if he would start pulling me on the horse like a kid.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind walking,” I smiled, but I couldn't make it reach my eyes. I remember my dad would pull the horse along when we had wandered for nearly two days. I'd lay on its thick neck, watching the trees stroll past with half-lidded eyes. Someone stole our horse, though. 

“You follow my rules when you’re with me. We’re riding.” He unbound the horse and got up himself, scooting forward so I could sit behind him. With some awkward difficulty, grabbing Joel's jacket to pull myself up and almost pulling him down, I got up. The horse was big and spacious enough to leave some room between us. My legs tingled with exhaustion; felt light like when you took off a heavy backpack and I fought not to lean forward for something to rest on. I felt the strong body move underneath my legs, shifting us side to side as we rode slowly forward. The sun filtered in and out between the trees as we rode through the city. I peered up at the broken skyscrapers, plants blossoming out of its cracks like the kraken attacking a pirate ship. The horse rocked me like a crib, and with the steady rhythm of hooves, my spine curled more and more. Eventually my head knocked against Joel's back every few minutes. I only took in the world around me in abstract terms, like an art museum. Colors, shapes, sounds, fading in and out of reality. I didn’t even realize when the hooves stopped lulling me to sleep. 

“C’mon, scoot,” Joel suddenly wasn’t in front of me, and I nearly fell forward, catching myself on the broad horseback just in time with frail arms. I dragged myself forward drowsily by his command until my hands could reach the thick, warm neck. I felt Joel behind me, his arms encasing my sides as he grabbed the toils again. His legs squeezed the sides of mine to keep me falling. I tried to start myself awake somehow, tried grabbing the toils or lifting my neck that was impossibly heavy like lead. 

“Just go to sleep,” Joel's voice was soothing and low, and I'd barely registered his words before I fell backwards into him, head lolling against his shoulder. He didn’t move and I dozed off in a matter of seconds, but not before a little, warm tear rolled down my cheek. I hadn’t felt safe going to sleep for years before now.

✿✿✿

taglist:

@orcasoul @ashhlsstuff @rav3n-pascal22 @anyalc0h0lic @morgaussy @joelmillersblog @frecklefacelm @leqonsluv3r @jasminmariesworld @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl @dugiioh

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

Weak Immune System (KVCxmale!reader) Part 4

Shiratorizawa stood on the other side of the net from you, their players stood like walls of muscle, arms as long as your legs, or at least it felt that way to you. You glanced over at Hinata, both admiring and hating him for making you stick to the promise you'd made him about not refusing to jump in when asked. If you could look these guys in the eye and still be intimidated, how the hell did he feel?

They'd given you the first set to sit out and watch, the first set to get your bearings and think about what you were dealing with, you were usually good at this sort of thing, switching you in and out every other set was usually the best way to throw your opponents for a loop without upsetting the balance of the team, but for some reason, you couldn't stop your hand from shaking.

Probably because that inhuman monster was up to serve. Ushiwaka's eyes were on you, the new player, the one he'd never seen before. Did he remember you from the youth course? You certainly remembered him, playing with your brother, if you recalled, Ushijima had been rather fond of Masashi's sets. Your eyes panned to their setter, bangs cut at a sharp, straight angle, a first-year. You knew Eita's sets better, this one played very differently.

Outside the court, Noya cheered your name, while Tanaka mocked you for your trembling digits. You sent the buzzed egghead a look, but if he'd noticed then everyone else would too, you couldn't let them know you were nervous, so you laughed your friend off. 'Dude, where's your mute button?'

Ushijima reeled back, the toss went up, and you made sure your smile didn't fall, you could do this, you knew the ball would come to you. A new player, after they'd struggled so much with the leftie in the first set, for all intents and purposes, you were a weakness for your team right now. Shiratorizawa would want to test you.

The ball came flying straight toward you at breakneck speeds, the hair at the back of your neck stood up, your arms followed your eye-line, happing slightly to adjust of Ushiwaka's lack of accuracy, he had very clearly been aiming for you. For a moment, a heartbeat, the fake leather nestled against your arms, you flexed and hoped, and the ball went straight up, leaving behind a warm sting as it sailed in an ark. 'It's short!'

Kageyama adjusted, people were cheering, calling, but you were solely watching the setter, his eyes had flicked to you, imperceptibly. He wanted to set it to you.

You took off, long legs eating ground, arms swinging behind you, drawing in the blockers as your weight dropped to the balls of your feet. The ball was suddenly in your hand, there were bandaged fingers in front of your face, but your arm had stretched up above the block, upper body twisting to flick the ball past the blocker's arm. You only breathed when you heard the referee's whistle blow, you smile broad and proud.

'(Y/N)! Nice freaking kill sleeping beauty!' Tanaka tackled you, arm around your neck dragging you down to his height, messing with your hair. You were too busy laughing to complain.

Across the court, Tendo was glaring 'this guy's gonna be a pain in my ass.'

'Move your damned arms Tendo! You could've stopped that!' Coach Washijo belted. 'That spike was weak! Don't get distracted by their fancy tricks!'

You looked over at the old man, and chuckled 'jeez, who pissed in his cereal?'

'Meh, who cares?! Just do that again. Your serve, Kageyama!' Tanaka gave you one last clap on the back before you all went back to your positions. You were feeling energetic, eager, your tongue darted out to wet your lips, and you just knew your eyes were alight from the way Shirabu looked at you like you'd grown a second head.

You only hoped you could keep it up for this set, even if you only scored one more point...

Your lunges were burning by the end of that set, but your heard was on cloud freaking nine, you'd taken that set, your team had clawed it clear out of Shiratorizawa's hands. It wasn't a clean victory, but you'd sure as hell take it.

'Well then wise guy, maybe we outta keep you in a little longer!' Ukai declared playfully, you weren't sure if he was joking or not, but one way or another, your reply was the same.

'Whatever's best for the team, coach.'

Ukai gaped, only last week he'd tried to get you to play in a damned match and you'd faked a freaking cramp to get out of it! Just yesterday you'd subbed for Tanaka while Ennoshita subbed for Daichi after that overdramatic collision that left them both with a bruise.

You laughed at the coach's confusion, and nodded toward Hinata 'thank the shrimp.'

As you walked away to switch courts, someone stopped directly in front of you, a flash of bright crimson hair and wide eyes, inches from your face 'well hey there, pretty boy!'

You recoiled at the shock of strong minty breath in your face, how did he manage to not smell like a slab of pork in the sun after a set like that. 'Uh, hi?'

'You're almost as annoying as those damned first years,' Tendo cocked his head sideways, he reminded you of a parrot, but those yes were almost predatory, analyzing you 'what's your name, pretty boy?'

'Not that it's any of your business,' you casually pushed past him, hating that he was so freaking tall 'but it's Watanabe (Y/N).'

Before you could take two steps, Ushijima stopped and turned 'Watanabe, as in Masashi Watanabe?'

You chuckled bitterly, looking over your shoulder 'my older brother, I thought you'd remember him.'

'Oooh, what's this? You know the elder pretty boy?' Tendo sang in interest.

Ushijima ignored him 'you weren't at the youth camp last year.'

'Very astute of you,' you drawled, turning to sashay backward, away from them 'quit pickin' on my underclassmen, Ushiwaka. The only one who gets to tear into him for his shitty receives is me.'

'What was that about?' Sugawara asked when you rejoined him in the white square. 'Were you picking fights again?'

You shook your head quickly 'nope.'

Suga sighed in resignation 'Good grief, can't take any of your anywhere.'

The alarm for the next set went off, and all teasing went out of the window. Shiratorizawa shattered the third set, 25-18. It stung when each time he score, Tendo had the audacity to look up and wink at you, mouthing the words "pretty-boy" to you. Just to rub more salt in the wound, Ushijima's spikes bounced toward you more than once, one came dangerously close to ricocheting into Suga's face, it would've hurt like hell if you hadn't caught it. It was safe to say that you were now, in the mood to hurt these bitches.

Ukai grinned at the sight of you, perfectly still, eyes only on the ball as it bounced back and forth, fingers curling and uncurling.

'I think it's time we put you in, (Y/N).' he declared in between sets 'any objections?'

'No sir,' Daichi declared 'I could do with a rest if I'm honest.'

'Good. (Y/N), I have no idea what pissed you off this much and I don't care. I don't wanna see the reliable, under-control goodie-two-shoes. I want ya to get out there and make a mess, ya hear?'

'You sure about that, coach?' you crossed your arms, hip stuck out sassily 'Hinata's havoc enough.'

'My thoughts exactly.' Tsukishima drawled under his breath.

'Trust yourself kid,' Ukai clapped a hand on your shoulder 'just think outside the box. I'm not askin' ya to run around as Ginger does, I'm askin' ya to surprise 'em.'

You nodded, thinking about it for all of one second before you decided 'fuck it, let's get this crapfest over with, I'm hungry.'

'I love it when he talks like that!' Noya cackled 'Shiratorizawa better watch out!'

'I don't think I've seen 'im this ticked off in...well, ever.' Daichi muttered to Sugawara as the team took their place back on the court 'ya think this is a good idea?'

'Who knows, but it's (Y/N) we're talking about.' Suga shrugged 'he'll handle it.'

'Heeeey! Pretty boy's back on the court!' Tendo sang excitedly, practically dancing on the spot 'lookin' to make big brother proud? Been stuck in his shadow all your life?!'

You leveled him with a look, unreadable and cold, but it faded and was swiftly replaced with your most Tsuki-inspired grin 'My brother's been shorter than me since I was fifteen, my dude. It's my shadow you outta be worried about.'

'It's your serve (Y/N),' Kageyama called, snapping you out of your staring match with the guess-monster.

'Right,' your grin fell away as quickly as you had put it there, squeezing the fake leather between your hands, no bandages or gloves, ensuring full contact with the ball.

'Feed it to 'em (Y/N)!' Tanaka encouraged, forcing a smile to your face and loosening you up just that little bit for what you were about to do. You'd only been practicing it for a month or two, it wasn't likely to be accurate or reliable...but Shiratorizawa had taken a step back, braced for a power serve, so what else to do but a jump float?

You cringed, the ball hit net, in a place you sure as hell hadn't been aiming for, but then again, you wouldn't complain about a point.

Tanaka ran over for the required ceremonial chest bump, and appropriately messing with your hair before you served again, a grin on your face. You'd thrown them off once, wasn't likely to work again and you really weren't confident enough in your jump-floats, so you went back to your regular serve, it's force left your hand stinging and it bounced clear over the net when that first year wing spiker fumbled the receive.

'Chance ball!'

You were grinning from ear to ear, sweating like nothing else, but happy, each play tied into the next, and with Ukai's permission to tear into the court, you ran wild. Knowing you would be switched out for the next set, you had no need to conserve energy, and with the time you'd had to overanalyze every move Shiratorizawa made, you managed to find the perfect place to be to piss them off. After taking the fourth set, you sat your ass down and gulped half a bottle of water, grinning at the scoreboard. For once, Karasuno didn't just yank a win out a Deuce. No, the score read 20-25.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

🦀👑 — “You’re my family, too” with MacCready?

oh my gosh congrats on the followers!! you deserve it — I love your writing!!

This one is just so 😩

And thanks so much! I hope you enjoy! <3

The room was dark, but the sound of sniffling was unmistakable, as was your shape curled up in a ball over the mattress.

Quickly, MacCready reached for the light switch, but as the room lit up, your face vanished under the comforter.

"Sole?" He stepped forward tentatively, his mind reeling with possibilities.

Everything was fine, wasn't it? Half an hour ago, we were all in the living room playing board games, laughing, eating... Wasn't everything fine?

The merc swallowed hard, and slowly sunk down onto the mattress.

"Hey, you okay?"

His jaw clenched when you didn't answer, but it inspired him to reach forward, to place his hand on the lump beneath the blanket that he guessed was your shoulder.

"Do you... want to talk about it? I'm here..." MacCready's voice was soft as it reached your ears, and just as slowly as he'd settled beside you, you rose from beneath the blanket. Your fingers brushed brusquely over your eyes, trying in vain to conceal the fact that you'd been crying.

"Where's Duncan?" You asked, your voice small. MacCready smiled a bit, but his brows stayed furrowed with concern.

"He's in bed already. I was coming to see if you wanted to have a drink with me. The wine's still open..."

You sniffled again, turning away as you wiped your nose with your wrist. The mattress squeaked as MacCready shifted closer to you.

"What's wrong, baby?" He whispered, and his arm wound around your still-blanketed shoulders.

"N-nothing."

MacCready threw a look at you.

Really? He said without words.

"Well... there shouldn't be anything wrong. It's ridiculous, I should be happy, I just... I don't know what happened."

Your partner's hand rubbed slowly over your back as he remained silent, encouraging you to continue.

"Seeing you with Duncan... Seeing you so happy again. It's amazing. It's everything I've wanted for you, everything you've been working for for years, and no one deserves it more than you..."

A smile had formed on Mac's lips as he heard you talk about him, about his son. But it vanished, replaced by a curious furrow of his brow.

"But...?" He started for you.

"But... Damn it, it sounds so selfish--"

"It's not." He interrupted firmly. "Sole, you're not selfish. No matter what, okay?"

Still unsure, you nodded to him, turning the words over in your head before revealing them to him. Before proving him wrong.

"Seeing how you are with your son, it reminds me of what I've lost." You managed, though it felt like your lungs were devoid of oxygen, like your mouth was dry as sand. "My family... Any possibility of me having that again, of me being with Shaun the way you are with Duncan... it's gone."

The color darkened on the blanket as a tear fell from your cheek. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see MacCready's dark blues glistening too.

His hand stilled on your back, and you felt his fingers tighten against you as though he were in pain.

After another few moments of silence, of not knowing what to say, what he even could say, MacCready spoke up.

"It's not just Duncan, you know..."

You turned your head to face him.

"What?"

"He's not the only reason I'm this happy. And... without you, I never could've... Well, Duncan might not have..."

The sound of his voice thinned as he nearly said the unspeakable. Instead of finishing his sentence, he sighed.

"What I'm really trying to say is... that you're my family too. Without you? There was no chance of getting Duncan back. The only reason I'm this happy... is cuz of you."

Your lip quivered, even as you smiled. MacCready's lips echoed the action as he noted the glint in your eyes.

"I know it's not quite the same... And I wish I could do more for you, but, well... Duncan and I... We can be your family now. I mean, if that's--"

Your action cut him off, as you wrapped both arms around your partner, and pulled him into your embrace. He returned the gesture easily, his hands still continuing their soothing stroking over you as he held you close.

"Oh, baby..." You whispered, your hands petting lightly at the hair on the nape of his neck, "you already are."

You felt him sigh, his shoulders relaxing as a puff of air caressed your neck.

"But still..." You continued, "I'm glad you said it."

[mlmxreader]

The Worst Days | Dewey Riley x m!reader

summary: Dewey can tell something's wrong, and he wants to at least try and make it a bit better

tws: swearing, insecurity

support your fanfic writers by reblogging what you read & enjoy

Dewey noticed you were upset solely from the way that you didn't even ask to put your music on in his car; it was unlike you to let the radio play as it was, and he couldn't help but to frown as he watched you put your seatbelt on.

He swallowed thickly, wondering if it was something that he had done; maybe he accidentally took your lunch when he left in the morning, maybe he didn't leave one of his shirts out like he always did. But you were wearing one of his shirts, and he saw your name written on your lunchbox, so it couldn't have been something that he had done.

"Everything okay?"

You shook your head, sniffling as you licked your lips and let out a shaky breath; you had been crying, that much was evident from the way that your breaths seemed to get caught in your throat. "Y'know, some people are so fucking cruel."

Dewey furrowed his brows, but didn't think to press it further as he pursed his lips and leaned over to gently kiss your temple. He could see your colleagues leaving the building, and he hummed to himself. "Hey, how about we go get ice cream?"

You shook your head, sinking into your seat as he started the car. "I just wanna go home."

"We'll make a stop on the way," he told you gently, taking one hand off of the steering wheel to lay it on your thigh as he smiled a little. He didn't miss what was playing on the radio and cleared his throat. "Wasn't this the song that played when we first kissed? At Ben and Lewis' house party?"

You nodded. "The Ronettes."

Dewey thought it might make you smile, so he turned the radio up, and he pulled out onto the road, starting to sing in hopes that it would help with cheering you up a little.

"And if I had the chance I'd never let you go so won't you say you love me, I'll make you so proud of me. We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go, so won't you, please, be my be my baby? Be my little. baby my one and only baby, say you'll be my darlin', be my be my baby, be my baby now, my one and only baby."

But when he looked at you, you still didn't dare to even look at him, staring blankly out of the window. He turned the radio down a little bit, putting his hand back on your thigh as he gently tapped along to the song; he didn't want to pressure you to talk, didn't want you to tell him what was wrong if it would make it worse, but he did want to make it clear that, if you needed him to listen, he would gladly do so.

"If you do need to talk, I'm here, y'know."

You nodded, putting your hand on his as you frowned and swallowed thickly. "Aren't you ashamed to be seen with me?"

"No," Dewey scoffed. "Why would I be?"

"You could've done so much better," you shrugged. "Instead of the guy who couldn't even finish secondary school with good grades."

He stole a quick look at you, shaking his head as he sighed. "That was years ago, why does it matter now?"

"Don't worry," you muttered.

"I'm gonna worry," he warned. "I'm gonna worry so bad that you'll see me cry."

You huffed, shaking your head. "Don't you think I'm stupid? That you could've been with someone smarter?"

"Not really," he laughed softly. "I'll tell you what I told my mum: you're the man I'm gonna marry. I love everything about you - even the way you drool on me when you fall asleep on the sofa."

You sniffled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Dewey hummed. "School grades don't matter, you're smart in other ways, and I love you - regardless of intelligence."

You nodded. "Promise?"

"I promise," he gently tapped your thigh. "So, we'll get ice cream, I'll park the car at the top of the hill, and we'll sit on the bonnet like we used to."

You nodded again. "That sounds nice…"

"You can even wear my hat," he told you, reaching into the backseat and grabbing it. "Maybe even my coat, if you get cold."

You nearly, very very nearly, cracked a smile. "You really care that much?"

"You're my boyfriend," Dewey told you softly. "Of course I care that much."

You fell silent, leaning forward and turning up the radio when you heard another familiar song that had played when you and Dewey kissed that fateful night all those years ago; '(What A) Wonderful World', by Sam Cooke.

It was one of Dewey's absolute favourite songs, and you loved the times when you had stayed over at the Riley household and he had been singing it while making you breakfast in the mornings, or when he sang it in the shower before bed; you would have given anything to hear him sing it again, and it seemed that you did get your wish.

"Don't know much about history, don't know much biology, don't know much about a science book, don't know much about the French I took but I do know that I love you and I know that if you love me, too, what a wonderful world this would be."

Dewey kept his promise, pulling into the car park of the ice cream shop and heading in to order before he brought it back and set off again; he had to go down a dirt track, but eventually he made it to the top of the hill, and stopped the car, leaving the radio on as he helped you get out and sit on the bonnet. You had finished your ice cream long before he did, and when you stole a quick lick, he couldn't help but to laugh.

"Feeling better?"

You nodded. "A little… nice view."

"It's the same spot we always used to come to," Dewey pointed out. "You carved our initials in the fence."

You hummed. "I'm sorry I'm in such a shit mood."

"It's okay," he told you, putting his arm around you and taking the last few bites of his ice cream, a little bit stuck to the corner of his mouth. "I love you on your worst days the same as I do on your best."

"You have something on your lip," you told him softly, and when he tried to get it but failed, you shook your head, and gently wiped it away with the pad of your thumb before you kissed him. "I really got lucky with you, didn't I?"

'I Want You Back' by the Jackson 5 started to play, and Dewey grinned as he slid off of the bonnet, offering you his hand. "C'mon."

Reluctantly, you took it. "I don't dance."

"Try it," he chuckled. "You might like it."

[naokosona]

It's been a while. I decided to only post when I felt particularly bad. I am proud of myself, as it has been 23 days since my last post.

For a couple of years now, I have suspected that I have CPTSD. Many people I've met throughout the years (friends who have it, counselors, etc) all say that I should get diagnosed.

But I refused.

I have so many things wrong with me, that adding ANYTHING else to the ever growing cocktail of symptoms, diagnoses, and medication that I have managed to acquire in the past couple of years is reminiscent of a pokemon trainer trying to "catch 'em all".

Earlier today, I would have to say I experienced an "emotional flashback." Something a lot of sufferers afflicted with (c)PTSD face quite often.

I had no discernable, specific reason as to why it happened. Just tiny little reasons accumulated throughout the day that culminated into an explosive thing later on.

The flashback started while I was driving.

My car is my sacred place. I spend countless hours driving, of course. But every mile added on to the odometer is another mile filled with many memories and experiences. I spent many countless hours eating food in, laughing with friends in, sleeping in, listening to music in: my car.

Unfortunately, I have also cried in my car.

Today was another incident of that happening.

I barely got sleep last night, and I spent the whole day running errands for my internship. I felt like a lap dog, even though that is solely the purpose of my job. I also had to drive an hour just to run an errand for my mom as well. I was sweaty and hot from the heat, and frankly, very frustrated.

As I was finally driving home after a long day, I randomly thought about my life.

I thought about how I ended up in this situation: what led me to working as an intern, what led me to move to Massachusetts, what led me to finish my degree in another college, 18 year old me never expected to attend. (I will go more into detail in a future post.)

I also thought about my past. I had a messy, irrational pattern of thoughts loosely strung together: I wouldn't have to be in this position, sweating my ass off, struggling my way through school, if my parents didn't mistreat me when I was a child.

It made no sense.

I also thought about my love life and how I finally found someone who was healthy for me. But my mind self-sabatoges and tells myself that "it wouldn't last." That if they saw this side of me, that they would hate me too. Even though I know that isn't the truth.

I screamed in my car. I played sad music in my car. I cried in my car. All while I was driving the 30-minute car ride back to my apartment.

The moment I got home, I changed, wiped myself off, and ate a sad bowl of totinos. I then took a nap.

I just woke up as of me writing this. I woke up fine. In my dreams, I was mad and frustrated. My emotions couldn't escape me, even in my sleep.

But once again, I woke up fine.

I cried, screamed, yelled, and sobbed earlier today.

But I woke up fine.

I could've self-harmed today, but I chose to take a nap instead. And I woke up fine.

Reflective Thoughts:

There was a quote I saw from a TikTok a couple of days ago. I know, very "Gen Z" of me. But in this circumstance, I was reminded of it.

And suddenly, it was July, and I don't remember what I cried about in February.

I woke up fine.

[prodigy-if]

Valentine’s Day Snippet

Happy Valentine’s Day! I decided to write a little flashback snippet between Marlon and MC for you all considering he was the winner of the poll between the ROs.

It can be read as romantic (with Marlon and MC having puppy crushes on eachother) or it can be read as platonic. It takes place when they are younger and still attending the academy. I would place MC as 13 and Marlon as 13/14. 

I hope you enjoy it!

Valentine’s Day [Hiraeth Academy Year 3]

The halls were silent. Usually, that would be something to take note of but today your attention was solely on the board in front of you. Every sound seemed to be muffled and distant, as if it was meant to stay out of the way of your concentration.

You move a piece.

White, E4.

You move another.

Black, E5.

You stare at the board. The scene of your victory replays in your head. Something suffocating begins to reside in your chest. You should have lost that game - re-enacting it just proved that. You feel as though a rug has been pulled out from beneath your feet.

It's not often that you end up being wrong after all.

Which is exactly what makes your victory so puzzling. You were supposed to lose. Every sign pointed to that outcome.

Yet, the game had ended with your checkmate. The Headmaster didn't seem surprised. He had just patted you on the shoulder and praised you in that jovial tone of his.

"I suppose you were always going to end up surpassing me one day. I just didn't expect it to be so soon."

He had laughed after - like he was aware of some joke that you weren't in on.

He had thrown the game.

That was something you knew with a deep sense of certainty. What you couldn't figure out, however, was why.

No matter how much you thought about it, you could not identify a single reason behind his decision to throw the game. It was an uncomfortable feeling, knowing that you had been so wrong and uncertain.

It was like being confronted with a puzzle with pieces that wouldn't fit together no matter how hard you tried. You had the pieces in front of you, but you still couldn't make sense of them.

You have come to the conclusion that you deeply dislike not knowing things.

The sound of your door creaking open interrupts your thoughts. The sound of footsteps follow yet you don't turn around. Your eyes continue to be focused on the board - rearranging the pieces in your mind.

The footsteps get closer until finally, the familiar individual is standing behind you. He drops something on your desk. You ignore it.

"You know if you wanted to play, you could've come and found me instead staring at the board in the dark like some creep. You know I'm always happy to kick your ass."

Marlon's smug voice rings out across the room. You find a certain irony in his words - after all he had only ever "kicked your ass" once. After a few moments of contemplative silence, you drag your eyes over to the wooden box he had ungracefully dropped onto your desk. You pick it up.

"...it's a puzzle box."

Your eyes dart over to him. His face is an odd shade of red. Perhaps you have somehow already managed to annoy him. As your eyes gaze at him, the deep red shade of his face darkens.

Odd.

You glance down at the box, Marlon must pick up on your confusion because he begins to reluctantly explain.

"I thought you would like it. At least more than the chocolates everyone else is making that is..."

Chocolates? Ah. You had forgotten that Isla had rounded everyone up to make some sweets and cards for Valentine's day. That explains the silence of the halls.

"...I mean we both can solve it and compare times. I'll obviously beat you but it wouldn't be fair unless I gave you a shot at it."

That makes much more sense. You feel something warm settle in your chest. Marlon is incredibly predictable at times. Predictable but not boring. Never boring.

The feeling in your chest expands. You ignore it.

"I see. Do you have a timer?"

Your question seems to cause his cheeks to redden even more. Perhaps, he is getting ill?

"I don't- I mean I- I have to go. Just make sure you solve the stupid thing!"

There's the anger you are familiar with. You can't help but watch with detached interest as the blonde angrily stomps out of the room. He slams the door shut, leaving you alone in the room, pondering what could have caused such a reaction. You glance down at the puzzle box lying in your hands.

You still need to figure out why the game between you and the Headmaster had been thrown.

You continue staring at the box.

…

…

…

You suppose it couldn't hurt to play along with whatever odd competition Marlon has made up in his head. Just this once.

[whimsicalpoet44]

My fourth house profection year is already fourth house profectioning. (is that even a word?)

Cycle breaker probs, am I right?

Anyways...since I'm feeling unhinged and chaotic from an unwarranted interaction with my mother tonight, here's a new post 😂

Placements in my mother's birth chart that explain why I'm traumatized 😂 and how it affected my birth chart (An actual visualization of generational trauma in a birth chart + how our placements interacted)

I know some people don't like to share their personal placements for various valid reasons. But I've always been an open book and like to use myself as an example to help make things make sense, since I can explain how it's applicable really easily. It's the teacher Sag traits. And I don't mind it.

I'll give a trigger warning, since I'm talking about generational trauma. But I don't go into heavy detail about it (besides ineffective communication styles). Just casual mention of the area of life it's related to.

**Note: If you have these placements, know that having these absolutely do not mean you're a bad person or are bound to traumatize someone. I'm simply showing how a parent/child birth chart can correlate. It also can show how unhealed placements can react. Not everyone with these same placements acts this way. This is just how it reacts with my mom's personality and experiences. This is simply for fun and synastry. + to give a literal visualization of generational trauma in the birth chart **

I also hope this doesn't come off as insensitive. But if I don't laugh, I'll cry. I tried to keep it humorous, while offering a subjective and objective take simultaneously. And I like to see different ways placements can play out. Because they can play out completely differently per person. So I figured I would share it for anyone whose fascinated by this stuff like I am.

💥Aries Sun (mom) vs. Sagittarius Sun (me). These placements are usually seen as a great pair...however in a parent-child relationship, it was a nightmare (for my circumstances. Obviously this could be great for someone else). A lot of expectations were placed on me, and if I didn't answer her or react to her in a timely manner, it was catastrophic. Of course, I had a ton of leadership qualities and this angered her. She wanted to control me. I valued my freedom. I needed freedom. She could NOT handle the idea that I was my own person with my own identity and tried to live out her ego through me.

💥Aries Moon (mom) vs. Pisces Moon (me). I soaked up EVERYTHING. I could feel subliminal shifts in the air, and I was constantly accommodating her emotions. She would rage based on her mood and then would quickly forget she ever did it. She would treat me as if nothing had ever happened. As a Pisces Moon, this was so confusing for me. I was super sensitive and feared rejection. I was also really passive, which allowed her to dominant my emotions. She trauma dumped on me constantly. And I allowed her to because I was really compassionate and craved approval. The positives of Aries Moon would shine through every once in while, but it rarely benefitted me. (Cause I was the scapegoat). In fact, I would use the manipulative side of Pisces to shift her emotions to try to keep myself safe. It took years to unlearn this.

💥Aries Mercury (mom) vs. Sagittarius Mercury (me). We both did well thinking on our feet. We were both able to sustain the stamina needed to engage each other in arguments. I had a DEEP innate sense of justice (hello neurodivergency and Sag), while she had a narrow way of thinking. The goal was never to expand her mind, it was to win the battle of wits. Which she rarely did. I paid deeply for that 😂 but it was worth the satisfaction. Had she healed and worked on her self-growth, she could've been a fierce advocate for herself, me, and others. Instead, she cared solely about being right. I love Aries Mercury individuals, because they have so many strengths. But when someone only cares to control others, the negative traits are fiercely obvious. She also took my need to question the world as questioning her authority, so that was fun. It took a while to undo the habit of playing mind games for me, too (which Sag mercury is great at lol).

💥Pisces Mars (mom) vs. Sagittarius Mars (me). She'd make threats and fail to follow through on them. This placement might've been good for her if her Chiron wasn't also in Pisces...in the 5th house. *blinks aggressively* One of Pisces Mars' strengths is to express anger and emotion through a creative outlet. With a wound in her house of creativity and the sign of imagination....well, yeah. With Mars in Sag in the 12th, I was great at following through on my words and I definitely had a creative outlet for all of the pent up aggression. I think she got jealous of this at times.

💥Scorpio Rising (mom) vs. Capricorn Rising (me). Ahahahahah I'm just going to sit here and laugh at this one. No wonder it was always volatile. She was constantly transforming and I was constantly seeking structure. I was also big on accountability. She was ruled by the planet of death, destruction, and transformation. I was ruled by the planet of authority, accountability, and boundaries.

To make it clear, most of my friends are Scorpio risings and we work excellent together. We provide insight and have really similar life experiences in very different ways. In a healthy parent-child relationship, this is probably a great pairing. But a toxic one?? AHAHAH. Especially if the parent is constantly changing and the child is seeking structure (in an unhealthy environment). I imagine in a healthy dynamic, Scorpio Rising parents can provide their children with valuable life skills by teaching them resilience and adaptability.

💥Saturn in the 4th House (mom) vs. Saturn in the 3rd House (me). The 4th house is the house of family, home, and the mother. When I say my grandma was awful? oof. My mom definitely had mommy issues (but alas, so do I). She literally had blockages and hardships in the family & home. I was the family and home 😂 She also dealt with an incredible amount of trauma as a child. I really do feel for her. I can even excuse some of what she did if she just tried to be better now. She has the resources available to her to grow and heal, and she knows they're there and actively chooses not to use them. THAT is what I have a hard time with.

With my Saturn in the 3rd, I find it hard to connect with others. I have issues feeling like my voice holds power. A lot of the wounding with Saturn in the 3rd comes in childhood. It can also indicate issues with siblings. My brother and I had different childhood experiences because of our age gap. We had totally different parents even though we were raised by the same people. Part of that is because my Dad died when I was so young (LOL @ my Sun in the 12th).

Connecting Generational Trauma

Now here is where I can start drawing really cool parallels. Try to stay with me. I'll explain it the best I can.

My IC 4th House is in Aries, which is my mom's sun sign. IC In Aries indicates a volatile relationship in the home and family, often having an aggressive parental figure. Which it was.

Now, my Lilith is in Cancer. Cancer rules the 4th House. Cancer Lilith's are largely known for working through ancestral trauma on the maternal side. My mom's Saturn is also in the 4th house, indicating ancestral trauma from the maternal side.

My Chiron is in Libra. My North Node is in Libra. And my Lilith is in the 7th House. Libra and the 7th house are the house/sign of relationships. Usually affiliated with romantic relationships, but it can highlight other relationships as well. This is significant because my Lilith in Cancer in the 7th House is indicating a wounded relationship with the mother (among other things, but I'm focusing on this part).

However, my mom has had a long and toxic history regarding her romantic partners. Her Venus is in the 7th House. Which is an interesting observation to note as well.

Overall, this is LITERALLY a visual example of generational trauma being passed down in a birth chart. I think it's kinda neat.

ANOTHER observation is that her Venus is in Taurus in the 7th House. My Saturn in my placidus chart is in the 2nd house...which is the house of Taurus. My mom's side has a long history of toxic marriages. Something, I'm currently working through. Where my Lilith also is. WILD.

Additionally, my brother's Lilith is in Aries (my mom's sun sign) in the 7th House (same house as mine). TELL ME THAT'S NOT WILD. My brother's Saturn placement is also in the 2nd in his Placidus, like mine.

It gets even more bizzare. My brother's daughter has her Chiron in Pisces in the 5th. Literally handing that down to her from my mom.

This is why I love astrology. Back to observations.

💥We both have Neptune in the 1st. Neptune in the 1st is prone to being projected on. We projected our insecurities on one another, often making rash assumptions.

💥Her Chiron is in Pisces in the 5th. Her Jupiter is in Pisces in the 5th. This indicates that her luck and abundance is directly tied to her Chiron wound. And if she avoids working on it....well...yeah. And she had really terrible luck, ngl.

💥Her IC 4th House (the house of home | family | mother) is in Aquarius. My brother is an Aquarius Sun and stellium. I'm flabbergasted. My niece's IC is also in Aquarius.

Conclusion

There's a lot more, but that's just a few examples. I think it's neat.

This wasn't meant to be a trauma dump. Rather, a generational examination of birth charts. It helped me process some stuff too. And I figured others might find it helpful.

I joke a lot about my placements being awful and terrible, but I really do like them. I think it's just because I'm processing. And I like to joke.

I don't know who I'd be without my 12th house | Neptune in the 1st | Cap Rising placements. They make me who I am. And I like the strengths that come with them, even if it's isolating at times.

Some people find superiority in having extremely hard placements, by using them to discount others experiences. I will never do that and if I do, please call me on it.

But it's important to note that in astrology, there just are really difficult placements. It's bound to happen. And we each get some.

Every single birth chart will have challenging placements. Every single one.

it's just that some people end up with a little (or a lot) more than others. And sometimes, I believe, that it might be attributed to generational trauma.

So there you have it. An analysis of generational trauma across 3 generations in astrology. I wish I had my grandma's birth time just to see. But if you have your parents charts, I HIGHLY recommend looking at them. It can help you understand some of your placements a little more.

Also, if anyone disagreed with this analysis, I'd love to hear why. I love learning how others interpret.

[the-kestrels-feather]

Alright I have more thoughts on this than I thought we're gonna do this and I mean do this:

Unpacking My Thoughts on A Haunting in Venice (2023)

((DISCLAIMER: I have not read an Agatha Christie book (yet), specifically not the one this was based on so I am talking solely about the movie not the adaptation of the source material))

(SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT)

So I wanna say this was not the worst movie in the trilogy

((looking at you, Death on the Nile))

And believe me when I say I WANTED to like it

Seeing the trailers made me excited, I love me some Gothic horror and it had all the vibes of that

And I did like some things a lot that I'll touch in at the end

But there was also a lot I really didn't like

For one, it relied WAY too heavily on jumpscares. To me, it's the laziest form of horror, and a lot of the ones in this didn't feel... earned I guess?

Like when Poirot's (apologies in advance if I spell this wrong I was never a speller) in the bathroom and he sees Alicia's ghost

It didn't feel earned in my opinion

Or the one where Harry flies at them when they first enter Alicia's room

Also there was no point to Harry being there?? You could cut the bird entirely from the plot and it would have 0 effect on it overall.

The teacup could've broken some other way and it would've been fine. Like I can't even call the bird comedic relief because he wasn't used like that. He was just there.

Also the opening scene with the seagull grabbing the blackbird? What was that? Can someone explain that to me because it feels like it was completely unimportant.

((also not to go full CinemaSins for a second but how is that room not like. Covered in bird shit? Birds don't have a ton of control over where they poop so it's not like he was litterbox trained))

I'm sorry but Tina Fey's character irritated me.

She was like a less interesting Bouc imo 🤷

That's personal opinion though idk

The Children's Vendetta should've been incorporated better or cut entirely because it wasn't handled super well in my mind.

It felt like an afterthought when it was brought up for the doctor and the medium.

For one, they toned down Poirot's OCD coding, which, seeing as it was really only ever played for laughs, I appreciated as someone with OCD

Again, this isn't the worst movie ever, or the worst of the trilogy

I have a lot of things I liked about it

Please don't make the disorder that makes my life a living nightmare sometimes a quirky trait Kenneth, kay thanks.

And the vibes were IMMACULATE

The shots of the mansion were just.... OH

I liked Leopald a lot, he was a fun character

Those are really the only things I can think of though

That said I don't agree with the review I saw that called it not scary enough

Because it's not supposed to be a horror movie, like another review said it's a whodunnit with horror infused in it

If you want a horror movie go see The Nun II my guy 🤷

Anyways I think those are all my thoughts? At least for now

[boghermit]

cazador didn't last 1 round when i got to him. i'd just reached level 12 in the previous combat encounter in his palace. my oathbreaker paladin hit him twice. lae'zel was a fighter with advanced extra attack and a potion of speed. i think she hit him 5 times? it wasn't the full 7 she could've anyway. he was paste.

I honestly had to turn the game difficulty down but that was solely because I RUSHED to that quest at full speed, underleveled, with very little strategy in mind. I had my Durge, who is a bard and....mostly useless...there was Astarion, who was SLIGHTLY less useless, then Shadowheart and Lae'zel. Shadowheart used her once-per-game cleric atom bomb and just disintegrated everything on the platform (besides Cazador) and it was so ridiculous that I doubled over laughing at it. Then Cazador kept spamming sleep on Lae'zel because he knew his ass was grass the second she got in range of him. (I'm pretty sure she was the one eventually just melted him.) I'd love to see how easily he goes down when I fight him at the proper intended level.

Worth it though. That whole cutscene after...I'm still in awe. I've played hundreds of video games but it's very rare that a game just leaves me slack jawed, especially wrt actor performance and voice acting. The only other game that comes close is Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice.

[hjellacott]

A letter to my late cat

A/N: Several years ago, I lost my cat. She'd been the last to die after a string of very close together and heart-breaking deaths in the family, including that of my own father. But for some reason, perhaps that I didn't feel others' validated my pain about my cat, because to others she was just "a cat" and it didn't make sense to cry more for her than for actual people, I never quite grieved her death. And so to this day, the sole thought of her makes me break down, so to help myself, I decided to write her a letter. And then I thought that perhaps reading it would help other people who've also lost their beloved pets to accept, validate and deal with their pain, so I thought I'd share it here. If you lost your beloved pet... I send you my love. Thanks for reading.

My dear baby girl,

Wherever you are, I hope Dad's there with you. I hope your feline family is also there with you. I remember when you arrived as a baby, and I used to wrap you in my arms, and I was just a kid myself, remember? And I could see how afraid you were, how lonely, so I'd tell you about your feline family, remember that? I'd tell you there was a Mummy and a Daddy and probably siblings we knew nothing about, and I promised to you one day you'd be with them again. I hope now, you are, and that they're every bit as awesome as you deserve them to be. And I hope you and Dad keep having nap after nap together, that the sun is bright and keeps your beautiful hair warm, and that your siblings are fun to play with. I hope heaven is full of cosy spots for you to sleep in, boxes full of blankets, that you still watch and enjoy ice-skating, and that you have lots of chicken, tuna, patés and clear, fresh water. And I hope that every day, you and Dad give each other lots of love for me, and keep each other company until we join you some day. If I could do anything to have you back, C, I would in a heartbeat, but I know that life was getting too hard and painful for you, so now you have peace and no more pain. And that is worth the pain of being without you.

I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, because when I was hurting you'd always jump on me and get all anguished trying to make all the wrong things go away. And damn it, you did. You really did. You made me smile when I thought I couldn't, and laugh, and you made all the stress, the anguish, the anxiety, the loneliness, the sadness, just vanish. You were like a witch, and you did absolute magic with me. I love you so much for that. I'm not sure you ever knew how many times you kept me alive, how many times you kept me going, how many times you turned my day back around and made me feel so loved and so lucky, but you did. And since I know you'd hate to see me cry like this, I've really tried not to. For all these years, I've really tried to be at peace, to be happy you lived, to smile when I thought of you instead of cry, and to move on. To keep you in my heart forever, without dying inside. But I can't. I'm sorry I've failed in that. Still, I don't want you to worry about me. I don't want you to stay behind for me, all stressed like you used to get. I want you to have the rest you deserve, the peace, the love, the happiness, the fun. I want you to have everything I wish I could've given you forever. And I'll be OK. It'll be fine, eventually. Don't worry.

I think part of why I find it so hard to move on is that you were the reason I could always recover from things. All the people that I lost? I nearly drowned each time, and you always kept me going. People don't get it. People don't realise each time I was broken-hearted and miserable and sobbing my eyes out, I'd be snuggled up in bed for days and you'd never leave me alone. You'd never stop giving me kisses and telling me you loved me, even if I lashed out at you and shouted at you. You'd always forgive me. You'd always take all my pain until there was nothing left for me. You took all the bad things I felt, and absorbed them until the day you died. So now how am I supposed to process your death without you? I've never had to grieve alone, how do I do that now? How do I move on from you?

You weren't just my best friend. You were my first real friend, back when I had no one. When I'd be in school dying to come home and play with you, and no one in school liked me. You'd be the first one to sit and read with me, and I'd read to you, and you'd fall asleep. We'd cuddle together all the time, and I can still remembere your meows so clearly, saying hello to me so happily every time I came home. Every single time I go back to Mum's and I'm opening the door, I feel my heart burst with sadness, because I can almost hear you scratching the door and crying for me in the other side, dying to see me and cuddle me. And I can't put into words the way my heart breaks when I open the door wanting to see you and cuddle you and you're not there any more. But you were more than a friend. You were the most loyal confidant, and the sister I never had, and the daughter I've never had. You were everything to me, in each stage of my life. My bestest friend when we were both children, my eternal baby when we both reached adulthood, my family. And no matter who I had to lose, I could always count on you. The night Dad died, you snuggled with me in bed and didn't leave me. And I knew your pain and mine were all the same. That we'd both lost a father. I hope I helped you at least half as much as you helped me.

You're the only one who's been there through each sad moment of my life, except all of those that have come since you've left. And all the greatest moments. You were the greatest companion for the greatest highs and the greatest lows. And the love I've always felt for you is unlike anything I've ever felt, so that when you died, I genuinely felt I'd lost my own child.

And I am so sorry, my beautiful C. I'm so sorry. I think that's all I want to say most. My biggest regret will always be not having done enough for you and your health. You moved mountains for me and I couldn't do the same. I could've worked harder to get the money for the vet sooner. I could've done more. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I was always so busy, and I didn't want to even think there was something wrong with you, and you were such a brave girl, such a tough girl, such a brilliant actress... That it was just so easy to tell myself I was exaggerating and there was nothing wrong. To believe whatever the stupid vet would tell me, even when I should've known in my heart that it wasn't true.

I wish so badly that I could go back. There's so much I would've done better. I would've taken you to the vet way more often, and I would've given two shits about all your complaints. I would've given you stuff for the stress. Spent the money. I would've realised sooner how you were a sponge for all my stress, anxiety and sadness, and I would've stopped dumping it on you, and done something to relieve you from yours. Anything. I would've fought the vets more. I would've insisted to pay more tests. To do more. To have diagnosed you sooner. And I would've gotten rid of the shit vets and gone from the top ones, even if I had to get a loan for it, that's what I should've done for you. You would've done it for me. You deserved it.

I'm sorry I took you home from the vet that last time after your surgery, even when I could see you were too abnormally groggy. But I'd been praying two days for you to make it through the surgery, and I was so relieved you did, I just wanted to take you home. If I had only stopped. If I had only argued with the vet, insisted to run more tests before taking you home, perhaps you'd still be here. But there's no use thinking that any more. You wouldn't want me to. I'm sorry I didn't recognise your pain. I'm sorry I didn't let you spend your last hours sun-bathing like you wanted to. I was too worried you'd get dirt on your stitches, lying on the balcony. If I'd known it was your last afternoon, your last sun... I would've let you have it.

I'm sorry I only realised you were dying when it was too late. I'm sorry I didn't spend your last day just snuggling with you, and that I yanked you too hard from under the furniture when I was afraid you were getting dust and dirt in your stitches. I'm sorry your last food wasn't so good. I had to force-feed it to you with that needle because you wouldn't eat otherwise, and I'm sorry you hated it, and sorry it had to be liquid food.

Thank you for having tried to hide to die. I know you didn't want me to see you suffer, and I appreciate it, but you'll have to forgive me for not having let you die on your own. You were my best friend. And we don't let best friends die alone. You wouldn't have let me, how was I supposed to let you?

I think that perhaps the last you remember of us was me shouting at you, begging and crying for you to not die on me. To breathe. To give me a second to throw some clothes on so I could rush you to the vet, when you were agonising. I remember that moment so clearly, when I was doing CPR and it was like midnight, and I was in my PJs, and alone, and with no one to call for help, and knew that if I didn't take you to the vet, you'd die, but that if I stopped doing CPR long enough to call for a taxi, to call the vet, to get some shoes on or at least the money, you'd die. I think that's what happened. I think you must've died the second I ran away from you to grab everything. I hope you knew I wasn't running from you. That you heard me shouting at you as I quickly grabbed everything, and you knew I was coming back.

C, what I really should've shouted at you is how much I fucking loved you. What I really wanted to say was, I love you, I don't know how to do this without you, I don't know how am I supposed to survive without you, I want to get you help but I don't have a car and I don't have anyone who can help us in the middle of the night, and cat ambulances just don't exist, so please don't die, please give me one chance to save you. But I want you to know now, C, that I understand. I know you had already given me plenty of chances. That you were trying so hard to give me more time, for weeks, to save you. Or at least, to accept I couldn't save you. And I know this time you had to go. I know you were in so much pain, and you had to go.

My other huge regret is that when you died, I still took you to the vet and was so broken I just left you there and never got to hold you again. Yes, I have your ashes, but that's not good enough. I wish I had accepted you'd gone, and simply craddled you all night, and kissed you and cried, I wish I'd used that last night of just us together under the moonlight. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry to do something else, to have hope against hope, to leave your body behind. I miss caressing you and hugging you so much, I wish I'd spent that whole night doing it.

I'm sorry for all the mistakes I made with you. You were my trial baby, and gulped all my shit like a pro. But I also want you to know that I can almost hear you meowing and I can almost feel you climbing up my body to lie on my belly, to purr and cuddle with me, to lick me... To tell me it's all OK. To tell me you're not angry. To tell me you're thankful and grateful, that you love me forever, and to stop beating myself up. I know you would've wanted me to know there was nothing else I could've done, and you would've wanted me to believe none of what happened was my fault. Because that's just the kind of awesome kitty you were.

Thank you for having taken all my shit. For having always forgiven me and come back even when I annoyed the living shit out of you. Thank you for all the smiles and laughter you gave me, for absorbing my pain so I only got diagnosed with anxiety when you died -because the doctor, of course, doesn't know you'd been keeping me healthy for years-, for being so much fun to hang out with, for loving me so ferociously, for always being beside me. Thank you for your loyalty, your affection, thank you for everything. For all our adventures. You were the best friend I'll ever have, and I am never going to forget you. I will carry you with me forever. You will always be a massive part of me, and the silver lining of all the worst years of my life.

Someone once said that if love could've saved you, you would've lived forever. That is so true with you, C. If my love alone had done the trick, you would've lived forever. And in my heart, you will. In my heart, I'll keep remembering you and Dad snuggled on the sofa, napping together. And when I close my eyes and focus, I can still feel you purring on me, and hear you, and I can almost stroke you. I hope that's really you, somehow.

We're all OK, my love. Your cousin is fine I think, living the good life of a dog, although I think she does miss you. Mama is doing better these days. I'm doing better. You know, I hope you didn't think you had to die because I was emigrating and leaving you. I hope you knew I'd keep coming back to you. That my plan was to settle down and bring you with me when I'd built a home for us. I hope you always knew that was the plan. I think you must've, for all the times I told you.

Anyway... Don't worry about me, kiddo. I remember everything you would've wanted. I take less shit from people, because I know you'd never want me to take any. I left N, I know that's what you wanted. I'm putting myself first more. I'm trying to love me the way you did. To choose my company like you did. To do for me all you would've. Thank you for all the lessons. For all the memories. For all the love.

Thank you, because you became more meaningful to me than most humans ever.

Thank you for being everything. And although you leave a massive hole, it's a hole full of love, the love you left behind. I'll see you again some day, my darling girl. I promise. In the meantime, have fun and don't wait up.

Thank you for finding me and choosing me in this crazy world, of all the people. Thank you for the honour and the privilege that it was to share my life with you for as long as we could. I promise when the time's right, I'll let another kitty choose me, and this time I'll do better. I'll tell them all about their big sister, and I know from wherever you are, you'll help us. That you're already working to send your lil sibling to me.

You were a street cat. When I met you, you were dirty and full of worms, and the tiniest, most scaredy ball of dirty hair I've ever met. But you were far more valuable than the brightest gold. You were worth more than anyone I'll ever know.

Thank you for showing me what real love looks like. Unconditional. Full of forgiveness. Full of acceptance. Full of compassion and understanding. I hope not a day went by that I didn't make you feel so, so loved. Like you always made me feel.

And thank you for coming back in my dreams now and then. Those cuddles almost feel as great as the real ones. I know you're always looking after me.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve you, but it was the greatest honour of my life.

Love you forever,

Your human Mum. Your best friend. Your human.

[jeysbvck]

give me all of your love (give me something to dream about)

A/N: i have to give a massive shoutout to @mayhem24-7forever, my steddie bestie, for giving me the motivation to write this, for being my soundboard and for being the first person to read it! this is just a sneak peek into what my brain has been coming up with lately, eddie munson is my muse. gif credit goes to the wonderful multi-talented @chaseadrian <3

warnings: AFAB READER light bondage (handcuffs, gag), unprotected sex, f!receiving, m!receiving, slight praise kink, talk of female masturbation, talk of male masturbation, no s4 spoilers.

word count: 4.9k

summary: You had been in Eddie's trailer plenty of times, but never in his bedroom, it was just somewhere you didn't hang out. At first, you didn't think anything of it, unless it was how many people he'd had in there over you, making your jealousy grow. It wasn't like he'd been in your bedroom either, but the more your crush grew, the more curious you were about the sacred room you hadn't stepped foot in. Where he slept, where he got naked, where he...

You didn't want to go to this party, but as usual, you'd let Robin twist your arm. You weren't much of a social butterfly, and you definitely weren't someone who liked parties, but Robin had told you it would be fun, and that it would be good for you. When you combated with how you wouldn't know anyone there, she said it wouldn't matter because she'd be glued to your side all night. Then, she pulled out her ace in the hole and said, "Eddie's gonna be there."

You'd tried to act casual, pretending to begrudgingly accept after the fact, but Robin knew. Despite her little quirks, Robin picked up on everything so quickly, especially when it came to you. She always knew how you were feeling, when you had no idea, and she always knew when something was wrong before you'd told her. So it really came as no surprise that Robin knew you had a crush on Eddie before you did.

According to Robin, she'd realized your Oh moment was during a Dungeons and Dragons game. You, Robin, Steve, and Eddie were supposed to be going to the movies, but instead, you were sitting in the school, spectators to the game that had, unsurprisingly, ran longer than Eddie had previously promised. Steve had fallen asleep, snoring slightly as he drooled on Robin's shoulder. She had no idea, though, she was too busy watching you, not the game.

Your eyes were transfixed on Eddie as he played the perfect role of Dungeon Master. Your face was full of adoration as you saw a side of Eddie you hadn't before; the way he laughed, smiled, and practically danced around the room dramatically, animated and completely in his element. Later that night, Robin casually asked you how long you'd been crushing on Eddie, to which you laughed and outright denied, but your attempts were futile, and you realized - with Robin's help - that you did in fact have a crush on Eddie Munson.

Back at the party, you were currently dancing with Steve, laughing at him as he sang along to the music and forced you to wave your arms around, a clear attempt of trying to make you forget about the mortifying events that led to you and Steve dancing. Robin had somehow convinced you to ask Eddie to dance, and even though you knew it was a ridiculous idea, you did it anyway. You didn't think you could've made it any more clear, your eyes solely on Eddie as you asked, "Does anyone wanna dance? I love this song!"

An awkward silence had fallen over the four of you as Eddie stood there, silent. You could feel the embarrassment seeping its way through every pore in your body, and you mentally begged the floor to open up underneath your feet and swallow you up. Why had you let yourself be convinced to do this? You couldn't blame Robin, you knew it was a bad idea and you did it anyway. But then, wonderfully sweet Steve, who clearly couldn't handle this awkward situation any longer - and who told Robin later on that your huge sad eyes almost broke his heart- cleared his throat and smiled at you. "Well, I'd love to dance." He said, shooting Eddie a look while holding his hand out to you. You reciprocated the smile and took his hand, grateful for his save.

Robin shot daggers at Eddie, annoyed with his idiocy, but he barely noticed, he didn't care. You and Steve were the focus of his attention, enamoring Eddie with the way you were laughing, your head was thrown back as Steve spun you around. He couldn't help but seethe with jealousy as he wished it was him in Steve's place.

"You know they're just friends, right?" Robin said, bumping him with her shoulder, and Eddie scoffed.

"Yes, obviously I know that." He replied, but he paused, then added, "She did wanna dance with him though."

Robin snorted, before replying, "You're an idiot." Eddie finally tore his eyes away from you to frown at Robin and she chuckled as she shrugged. "I'm sorry! But she definitely wasn't asking me or Steve to dance."

Eddie stared at Robin blankly, and she sighed. "Seriously? Look, if you had the balls, that would be you dancing with her, and we both know it. She wanted to dance with you, but you ignored her. Steve only offered because he was saving her from dying from embarrassment! Eddie, it was so awkward, man!"

Eddie stifled a groan and rolled his eyes. He'd had a crush on you for months now and with each passing day, his feelings were growing stronger, like it was choking him, making it harder to breathe. The night he realized was tattooed on his brain; he was on stage at The Hideout, playing a show with his band when he saw you and Robin in the crowd. You weren't hard to miss, not just because the crowd wasn't huge, but because you were both screaming like your favourite band in the world were playing on stage. Not only that, you were both wearing Corroded Coffin t-shirts. When he asked Robin about them after the show, she confirmed that the t-shirts were your idea, and that was when he realized what everyone meant by the Oh moment, because that was his.

"Ugh, shit man, I'm going for a smoke." Eddie mumbled, rushing off before Robin could object or offer to join him.

When Eddie wasn't around you, he found himself missing you. When he was around you, he had to constantly remind himself to breathe, especially when he was on the receiving end of one of your laughs or smiles. He thought about you constantly, when he heard a song on the radio, or when he drove through Hawkins, passing the places you'd graced with your presence. He especially thought of you at night, with his hand around his cock.

The first time it happened, it was an accident, and afterward he could barely look at you, the guilt ate him up inside. But it kept happening, and by the sixth time, the guilt had disappeared. He couldn't help how good the thoughts made him feel, how quickly he came when he thought about your mouth wrapped around his cock, and when he imagined you underneath him, cuffed to his bed, bandana stuffed in your mouth as he slammed into you.

He knew he wasn't being very subtle about his crush - he practically turned into putty whenever you smiled at him - but for some reason, you had no idea. Robin and even Steve had both worked it out, but you were still completely oblivious to the effect you had on him. You didn't think you were special to anyone, least of all Eddie.

But you were. There was nobody else he'd drop everything for, just because they'd called and needed him; whether it was just a chat, or it was a ride, he was there. He never let anyone choose the music in his truck just so he could watch out of the corner of his eye as their face lit up as they sang along. He didn't hang out with anyone else in silence, them reading a book while he strummed a tune on his guitar. Nobody else made him feel comfortable like you did. He wasn't afraid of losing anyone else the way he was afraid of losing you.

He wasn't sure how long he could keep his feelings at bay, and it was killing him. He knew he was pulling away; he was doing it right now, but he had convinced himself it was for the best. Even watching you dance with one of your best friends had him jealous, and he hated being jealous of Steve fucking Harrington. He was beginning to think his options were limited to running away until he'd gotten over his feelings, or confessing and getting it all off his chest. But with both options, he could lose you forever.

Instead of just going into the garden for a smoke, Eddie decided to leave the party altogether and head home. It wasn't like he knew the fucking host, he'd just tagged along after Steve had mentioned, not so subtly, that you'd be going. Besides, he didn't think anyone would notice him slip out. But he was wrong. His hand was on the wooden gate when he heard you call out.

"Eddie Munson, how dare you not tell me you were leaving."

Eddie turned around sheepishly, watching as you stormed up to him, your arms folded and lips pouted, not unlike in his fantasies, making him shift uncomfortably on his feet. "I didn't wanna interrupt, you seemed to be having fun." He replied.

You rolled your eyes. "Well, come on then. I'll come with you."

"What? No, that's o-"

You cut him off, reaching up and covering his mouth with your hand. "Shush, no arguing! Besides, I only came to this stupid thing because Robin said you were."

Eddie was about to lick your hand in protest for silencing him, but instead, he grinned, surprised by your confession. Your cheeks flushed pink as you realized what you'd said, and you removed your hand before quickly walking out the gate. He couldn't help but stare at your ass as you walked ahead, and he groaned as the front of his jeans grew tighter, praying that the walk home went quickly so he could relieve himself.

****

Somehow, instead of going home, you'd ended up back at Eddie's trailer. You had offhandedly mentioned that you were slightly bummed out that the night had ended earlier than planned, and Eddie had quickly invited you back to his. Nothing about this was strange, but, tonight, you'd be hanging out in his bedroom.

You had been in Eddie's trailer plenty of times, but never in his bedroom, it was just somewhere you didn't hang out. At first, you didn't think anything of it, unless it was how many people he'd had in there over you, making your jealousy grow. It wasn't like he'd been in your bedroom either, but the more your crush grew, the more curious you were about the sacred room you hadn't stepped foot in. Where he slept, where he got naked, where he...

You shook your head, hoping it would get rid of the thoughts clouding your brain. For the past few months, you'd been grappling with your feelings for Eddie. Since Robin had essentially confirmed your feelings for him, the adorable metalhead had consumed your every thought. It had gotten so bad that one day, while hanging out with Eddie in his trailer, you spent an hour peering over at him as he played the guitar, watching as his fingers expertly and sexily plucked at the strings. Later that night, you woke up in a sweat from a very steamy dream, in which Eddie's hands were the focal point, one wrapped around your neck as the other played with your clit, just as when playing with his guitar. And now, here you were, in his bedroom, the guitar hanging up over his mirror, the metal posters on his wall, smoking paraphernalia cluttering up his desk.

Eddie appeared at the bedroom door and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of you sitting on his bed, and he watched from the doorway as your eyes made their way around his room, unaware he was watching you. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms; usually, he'd feel awkward, scrutinized, while someone inspected his room, but he didn't feel that way with you. He was so at ease with you, he never had to worry about whether you were going to think he was ridiculous, or a freak.

"You know, your room is completely you." You said once you had scanned the room and your eyes had found him by the door.

"What does that mean?" Eddie asked, his eyebrow arched.

"You know, the bandanas, the guitar, the posters, the messy desk." You replied, your eyes scanning the room once more for more things to tease him about.  "Wait. Are those...handcuffs?" You asked as your eyes widened.

"Oh, yeah." Eddie chuckled.

"And you've used them?"

"I have, yes."

Eddie didn't think he'd ever seen you blush as much as you did at that moment. Your eyes were huge, your mouth suddenly as dry as a desert, your whole body on fire as your brain and body ignored your silent pleas to behave. You'd never really thought about being restrained, all your sexual adventures had been vanilla, and as much as you knew you liked certain things that you'd never put into practice, handcuffs were not one you'd thought about. Until now.

"Are you okay, love?" Eddie asked, not attempting to hide the shit-eating smirk on his face. You knew how many people he'd been with and with how experienced Eddie was, and you were pretty certain that he'd be able to tell what you were thinking and feeling. Besides, you weren't exactly hiding it well.

"I'm fine." Somehow you had managed to keep your voice steady, and Eddie's eyebrow raised slightly as the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Have you used handcuffs before?" Eddie asked. He knew he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't stop himself. It was too much for him. The way you kept your voice normal, but your body was betraying you, the way your cheeks flushed pink, the way your whole body had stiffened. This was a situation he felt in control of, although he was a little nervous, after all, he never thought he’d be in this situation with you.

With Eddie leaning against the doorframe like that, he had never looked hotter. He was looking at you like he wanted to take you, to ravish you. You were torn. You had thought about this, dreamt about it, fantasized about it. Your body was aching for his touch. But you knew, if you did this, you'd be done for. This was the line, if you crossed this, your friendship would forever be changed.

But you were sick of being that girl. Sick of playing it safe, not rocking the boat, not taking what you want. You were sick of having bland, vanilla sex with people that made you feel just...fine. You wanted to feel like you felt right now while under Eddie's piercing gaze. You wanted the excitement, the passion, the overwhelming desire. And you wanted it with Eddie.

A playful smirk spread as you bit your lip, and before you could stop yourself, you replied with, "Not yet." 

Eddie almost passed out right there and then. He was sure you were challenging him, and he was about to find out. He pushed himself off the doorframe and folded his arm across his chest, before he walked slowly towards the bed, and towards you, sitting cross-legged. He towered over you at the foot of the bed, staring down at you while you looked up at him. His beautiful brown eyes hypnotized you, refusing to allow you to look away.

You had never seen anyone look at you the way Eddie was, his eyes blazing with desire, and everything you wanted to feel with the others, you were feeling right now. Was it worth being another notch on Eddie's bedpost? You knew that if you crossed this line, you couldn't uncross it. But you'd wanted this for months, you pleasured yourself to thoughts of Eddie being buried deep inside you. Now you just needed to weigh up whether this night of undeniable passion would be worth it if Eddie just saw this as a one-night thing

Eddie looked confident on the surface, but as he got closer to you, he was anything but. He knew where he wanted this to go, and he was almost certain that you were on the same page; but if you did this, it was something you couldn't come back from, and he wasn't sure once would be enough. But, shit, he'd been fantasizing for months about you, and what he'd do to you given the chance, and now, well it seemed this was his best chance.

Eddie ran his tongue over his lips. "What do you want, right now?" He asked, bringing his head down to you, his long, ring-clad fingers tucking your hair behind your ear; a simple, gentle gesture that made your heart soar. Your eyes darted down to his full lips that were parted slightly, your breath shaky while your heart smashed against your ribs like it wanted to be free from its cage.

"I want you." You whispered.

Eddie's hand cupped your cheek as he cautiously kissed you. The fire inside you that had been crackling all night ignited, and your hands found the back of his neck as you pulled him closer. You and Eddie toppled back onto the bed, his hand slamming against the bed, his lips never leaving yours.

With his tongue in your mouth, his hand grasping at your hair, your hands around his neck, it still wasn't enough. You pushed his vest off before pulling at his t-shirt, which Eddie complied with quickly, but when you started on his jeans, he stopped you and looked down at you.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this, we can stop and pretend like this never happened." Eddie said. You searched his face for any sign of what he wanted, but all you saw was concern for you.

"I want this." You whispered, bringing your hand to his cheek. "I want you, Eddie."

Eddie couldn’t take it anymore, and his mouth was on yours again, as he ripped open your blouse, the buttons flinging off across the room. "Oops." Eddie mumbled into your mouth, but you didn't care about the blouse, you just needed him.

Eddie's t-shirt was the next, along with his jeans, which left him in his underwear, and you in an open blouse, with your bra on display, and your jeans. Eddie's hand slipped around your back while yours worked on getting him out of his jeans. But when Eddie unhooked your bra flawlessly with one hand, your concentration dropped as you thought about what else his hands were good at.

Eddie didn't waste any time, both his jeans and yours were quickly discarded, being thrown over his shoulder. He sat in between your legs staring down at you, in awe of how sexy you looked underneath him. His fingers slowly and gently traced a path up your leg towards your clothed vagina, making sure to touch every part of bare skin, but not where you needed him.

With you writhing underneath him, even though he'd barely touched you, he was in heaven. His fingers left your crotch and he dragged them across your hips and stomach until he reached your breasts. His cock, still constricted by his underwear - which left nothing to the imagination - rubbed against your underwear and you stifled a moan. But when Eddie began to knead your breasts; the cold metal of his rings against your hot skin as he pulled and rolled your nipples with his fingers, while he kissed, bit, sucked, and licked your neck, you couldn't keep the moan in any longer.

Your moan made Eddie grind against you harder and in response, you rubbed his cock through his underwear. A small groan got caught in Eddie's throat as his mouth latched onto your neck harder. When you put your hand into your panties and used your juices as lube, grabbing Eddie's cock from inside his underwear, his mouth left your neck as he made the sexiest sound you'd ever heard. You pushed his underwear down with one hand, while your other worked his large, girthy cock, but he had another idea.

"Shuffle up the bed a little." He ordered. You raised your eyebrow slightly but you obliged. Eddie's cock got harder, which he didn't think was possible, as he watched your breasts bounce slightly while you moved. When you were in the correct position, Eddie crawled up your body before he grabbed both of your wrists, bringing them up over your head, clasping both of them in one of his large hands. You could feel yourself getting wetter as you anticipated what was about to happen next.

"You still wanna use the handcuffs, baby?" Eddie asked, his voice laced with lust and you nodded. "I'm gonna need you to speak up."

"Yes, I wanna still use the handcuffs." You repeated. You had barely finished your sentence when he had grabbed your wrists and clasped the handcuffs to them and his bed frame. You instinctively tried to move but you couldn't; the only thing you could do was grab the metal bars on the frame with your hands, and Eddie smirked above you.

"Good girl." He replied, almost making you lose it instantly. He brought his lips to yours and gave you a long, deep kiss before he pulled away and headed down your body, leaving soft, wet kisses in his wake.

When he got to your panties, you lifted your ass so he could pull them off, placing them next to you both on your bed. Once he had done that, he stared at you, handcuffed to his bed in all your naked glory. His eyes slowly trailed your body, from the top of your head, stopping to admire your cunt, glistening with arousal, all for him. You had never had someone stare at you like this, admiring every part of your body like you were a sculpture in a museum. Eddie was making you feel sexy, with the look of a hungry, feral dog in his eyes.

"Open your mouth wider." Eddie ordered, your eyes wide at his dominant demeanour, but you complied. He picked up your panties from next to him, bringing them to your face, but hesitated, silently asking your consent and you nodded as you opened your mouth wider, letting Eddie stuff your balled-up panties into your mouth. Might as well, you thought, I'm already handcuffed to the bed. You could taste your arousal on the cotton and you were surprised to find that it was pretty hot. And judging from the prettiest fucking grin you'd ever seen in your life being thrown your way from Eddie, he definitely thought the same.

Eddie couldn’t take it any longer, and he buried his head in between your thighs, wasting no time with teasing, instead, lapping you up as your hips bucked. You moaned and cursed loudly as he devoured your cunt, pinning your hips down with one arm as he pushed two ringed fingers inside you.

"F-ffuck Eddie!" You moaned, muffled by your panties. He quickened the pace of his fingers, and you silently cursed that your hands were bound because right now all you wanted to do was lace your fingers in his hair and push him closer to you. You settled on using your thighs, clenching them against either side of his head, making Eddie moan into your cunt.

Eddie lifted his head to look up at you. Your hair was sticking to your forehead, your eyes closed, mouth parted slightly, looking absolutely perfect as you tried to hold off your orgasm. But that wouldn't do, Eddie needed you to fall apart now.

Eddie flattened his long tongue, dragging it slowly up your cunt. "You taste fucking incredible, baby." Eddie said, his voice so low, it was almost a growl. His tongue flicked away at your clit while his fingers worked your entrance, bringing you to the brink.

Your orgasm hit you like a freight train; your back arched, your moans muffled as Eddie's tongue found its way inside you as you came apart, your juices coating his face. You were pretty fucking sure that right now, Eddie could ask you to do literally anything, and you'd comply. You lay in a breathless, blissful state as you came down from the high, your nerves on high alert as Eddie kissed your thighs before he leaned on his elbow next to you. He brushed the hair from your face and removed the panties from your mouth, smiling adoringly at you as he did.

"You okay, Princess?" He asked, a smirk on his lips. You nodded as you turned your head to face him, pouting as you did, inviting him to kiss you, which he accepted. The kiss started out soft and sweet, but once your tongue parted his lips and his hands began to roam your body again, you were set alight for the second time.

Eddie shifted his position, throwing his leg over so he was straddling you, a glint in his eyes. You knew you were both on the same page, especially when you lifted your head up, sticking your tongue out, inviting him to fuck your mouth. Eddie obliged and when your mouth closed around him, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he groaned loudly.

Eddie knew he wasn't going to last long if you kept doing what you were doing with your tongue, he just couldn't bring himself to stop you. But then you caught him off guard when you took all of his cock in your mouth, choking a little as you did.

"Oh fffuck, fuck!" He yelled, pulling his cock out of your mouth. You grinned victoriously as Eddie pulled himself together.

"You alright, baby?" You asked, teasingly and Eddie chuckled.

"I wouldn't be so cocky if I was you, Princess, you're still handcuffed to the bed."

You jiggled your wrists, the metal clinking against the bed frame and you bit your lip. "Hmmm, is that a threat, Munson?"

Eddie grinned, a smile that was very much your favorite, as he lined the tip of his cock with your entrance, his tongue running over his lips. "Oh, it's definitely not a threat." He replied as he slammed himself into you, hard.

A mix of profanities and moans left your mouth as he thrusted into you, and you were sure you were going to have bruises tomorrow. He fucked you, one hand gripping your hip, the other around your throat and it was very obvious; Eddie knew exactly what he was doing, and you knew that once wasn't ever going to be enough. You tried to move your hands again, but you forgot about the handcuffs and you groaned.

"Eddie...fuck, I need-" You couldn't finish your sentence, instead you rattled the handcuffs. He understood, and he pulled out of you, grabbed the handcuff key off the cabinet next to the bed and released you.

Your hands went straight for the back of his head, as Eddie wasted no time, his cock sliding easily back into your cunt, this time you finally pulled at his hair, making him curse. You kissed him, your tongue slipping into his mouth, while he fucked you harder than you'd ever been fucked before. You were in complete ecstasy.

Eddie had never felt as good as he did right now. While buried deep inside you, his hands roaming your body with yours tangled up in his curls, he knew he'd never need anything as much as he needed this to happen again. There was so much more he wanted to do to you, and there was no way he was lasting too much longer now. He knew he could pull out, drag this out longer but honestly, he didn't want to, he just wanted to fuck you until you came.

Eddie began to play with your clit as he fucked you, the metal of his rings cold against you, bringing you closer to the edge, and Eddie could feel it.

"You feel so fucking good." He whispered in your ear, his voice sultry and full of lust, his breath on your neck. "Come on baby girl, come for me."

That was it. The floodgates had been broken, the wave of euphoria washed over you like a tidal wave, moaning his name, as he fell apart with you.

"Such a good fucking girl." Eddie grunted as he rode his orgasm out, before falling flat on top of you, his nose buried into your neck. "My good girl."

Your heart skipped a few dozen beats at those three words, and you were pretty fucking sure you were in love. Not that you'd ever say it out loud, it was more than likely the after sex adrenaline talking.

Eddie moved his head, so he was now lying on your bare chest, tracing random shapes on your arm lazily. You shivered, goosebumps appearing over your body and Eddie leaned over the bed, throwing you one of his t-shirts.

"Are you okay, love?" He asked, repeating his words from before, but softer this time.

"I'm okay." You confirmed before a yawn escaped your throat.

Eddie put his arm around you and pulled you closer to him, relishing in the chance to hold you. "Do you wanna stay here? I'll even make you breakfast in the morning." Eddie said softly, he almost sounded shy.

You smiled, and he was sure that the room got brighter. "Oh Eddie Munson, I bet you say that to everyone."

"Pfft, you think I offer to make breakfast for just anyone?" He scoffed. "Only the ones who do that thing with their tongue."

You laughed loudly and patted him on the chest. "Well, depending on how good breakfast is tomorrow, I may do it again."

"Oh really? A brunch treat? "I very much like the sound of that m'lady." He replied, as his eyes fluttered shut, and the last thing he felt was you pressing your soft lips gently to his temple.

[universallychaoticpan]

Sitting pretty, gun in hand

Chuuya x fem reader

Sad bc I wanna write for Atsushi (sweet boy-) and have no ideas so I did this since it's been a min since I wrote for Chuuya. Hope you enjoy! <3

CW: Sexual themes implied

Fem fatale.

The term had made Chuuya snicker for years; as if most who used it really knew the meaning of those two words.

When used together, they sounded exactly like their meaning; pretty at first, cloaked in the tantalizing, deliciously tempting spell of a light touch and perfume that left your mind hazy and only too eager for more. Then, quick and sharp as a viper's tooth, would leave you dead on the floor.

They sounded like you; the Port Mafia's tigress disguised as a kitten, stretched languidly in the sunshine of your lavish life as if you didn't sheath claws poised to kill at every red tipped finger. Every where you went eyes followed, the luxury brands you wore doing all the talking for you for whoever was sharp enough to notice the details. The red soles of your shoes on your feet, clicking clear and clean on the pristine floors of your apartment (luxury of course,) as you stepped out for the night. The diamonds, tiny and bright as stars that gleamed in your ears, against your neck, hanging off your wrist in the low lights of Yokohama's most exclusive clubs.

You were bewitching, cool and collected when it was needed; you could play coy with the best of them (Chuuya would even dare say you were the best,) change your tune like the flip of coin. Your weapons ranged from doe eyes and pouty red lips to a vast arsenal of firearms that you could aim, shoot, and use to kill faster than a man could blink. You could make anyone who knew forget the names on your kill list, your reputation as one of the Mafia's top assassins cemented into place well before you had turned twenty. All this only made it so much more tempting for anyone, man, woman, and everyone in between, to bed you; a fact that you turned against them and used to your advantage.

You were anyone's weakness, and it struck nerves and hearts among the city's elite since you'd made your debut under the Mafia's watchful eye.

Mori adored you; like doting father to his daughter he denied you nothing. He was in no position too, seeing the importance you posed to the entire Mafia. You had influence, money, and enough skills to bring down the Mafia on a whim should you tire of the life you lead. But as of now, you sat pretty and relaxed, toying with the barrel of a smoking gun, passing your days swathed in your finery; that feared tigress posing as a lazy housecat and waiting for the moment to pierce flesh.

And it seemed Chuuya was falling under your spell.

He remembered training with you, back when you were still as much children as you could've been; he remembered you sharp tongue and sharper wit, your mind just as polished and promising then as it was now. He'd watched as you'd grown into a woman to be feared, he himself doing the same until you two stood as some of the few people alive who could go toe to toe with Mori and win. If you were a tigress, he was Mori's right hand. Together you matched blades and fought side by side, laughing flirtatiously all the while as you proved your worth to the underground world you yearned to rule with the pull of a trigger. You had few friends; there was no one trustworthy enough for the title. But if you were both being honest, if there was anyone you would leave your life to, it was Chuuya. He would say the same, and you both knew it.

So when he chuckled at the term Fem Fatale, it was more than acknowledging your position to the world outside; it was his tribute to the girl who had been there before.

The girl who had used to laugh at his height but would punch anyone else who did in a second.

The one who used to sneak out of Mafia parties with him to sit and stare out over a nighttime city, sneaking champagne to the rooftops and letting the bubbles float up towards an inky sky.

The girl who had stolen kisses from him in dark hallways and around corners, holding him close while he pulled you in.

The girl who kept a silver and diamond ring 'round her neck, shining against her skin like the stars in her eyes, now and forever 'till they were just smoke in the black.

Quite the pair, indeed.