#they have a big fight followed by a serious conversation followed by trauma bonding and they come together despite Quiroz’s betrayal

[professorlegaspi]

Au where Casimir gets his foot in the door early, and Quiroz joins Renasci as a seventh-year

[yellowhollyhock]

Lucky raph and Donnie are my favorites lol! I noticed that honestly raph fans love Donnie XD

Yeah for real! I mean I think we all have our faves and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just love how they all work together. Like Donnie being my fave also means that I am thinking about Raph constantly. Especially the 2003 boys, they’re so closely knit. I think we could even say they have their favorites too—Splinter favors Leo, Raph practically says Mikey is his favorite. The show never says so but Raph is Donnie’s favorite, to me. But we still get to see close bonds with Splinter and Donnie, or Raph and Leo.

Imma put a cut because this is about to get long

I adore how Raph is everyone’s best friend. Oldest sibling coded to me, probably mostly because of my oldest sister, hehe.

But for real, Leo seems more comfortable goofing off with Raph than with anyone else. Raph also pushes him to try things that scare him, which is so precious considering how much Leo’s arc, especially early on, centers around pushing through fear. Also love that Leo seems to recognize when Raph just needs space to be angry, because yeah! What they’re dealing with isn’t normal! Let the teenager rage it’s healthy

Mikey antagonizes Raph more than the other guys, which I think there’s some issues there both ways but the issues come from the closeness. They’re the siblings who constantly want to be together until they literally drive each other up a wall. I imagine when they were little Splinter would try to separate them when things got back and they would just, sneak back to each other’s rooms, both to continue the fight and because they missed each other. They’re so siblings.

And Donnie’s bond with Raph is so most special to me. They’re just so gentle with each other. And when Raph and Leo are arguing, which does tend to be about bigger more serious subjects with real potential to divide, Donnie stays the most neutral. He follows Leo in the City at War arc, but unlike Mikey he doesn’t necessarily agree or disagree. Even little moments like when Raph does something ‘crazy’ (Leo’s bar is low for what he sees as reckless, this poor boy is so stressed), Donnie lets Leo talk to him about it, and then follows Raph lol. Raph also seems to be the one to help Donnie with his feelings, which he is kind of out of touch with. Like in The King, when he gets back and he just lost a friend, it’s Raph we see interacting. There’s no conversation about it (ever, canon will only let Leo process on screen), but at least it’s a small moment of Raph seeing that he’s upset and understanding he needs space. I imagine when Donnie tries to have a full-time job at O’Neil Tech—which at once once gives him space to process everything he’s compartmentalized and forces him to make his brain work in new ways, which causes extreme stress which tends to bring up trauma—he would come up against a lot of personal walls. I’m imagining flashbacks, chronic pain flare-ups, verbal shut-downs. Raph would absolutely be the one to help him the most. He’d probably understand it best even before they figure out causes (he deals with meltdowns during the show, like on screen. Also it’s implied he’s interacted more with humans and we see him making friends every time he goes out, so he’s probably dealt with panic attacks before). Maybe it could even lead to opportunities for Raph to talk with someone about the things he’s struggled with.

Wow Raph and Donnie’s got long—I have so much more in my head, but let me just say one of biggest reasons I relate so much to Donnie is because of how much he worries about each of his family, and April once she joins. And on recent rewatches, I love seeing throughout the show how he grows into his nurturing nature. (Seasons 6 and 7 kind of undid that growth, big part of why I don’t enjoy them as much. I mean he’s sweet with Cody but what the heck happened to his and Raph’s moments, and why is he suddenly so verbally harsh with Mikey? Idk I guess it’s just a different style)

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 2 )

Previous / Next

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: Continuing my little experiment here with chapter2, a bit more filler for the story. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  2,903

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU

Y/N- Your name 

Y/L/N- Your Last Name

                                  ----------------------------

   The suitcase made a slight thumping sound, when you laid it down on the floor next to your desk. Wasting no time books found their new home on the empty shelves, notebooks fell asleep in the dark drawers. Pens, pencils, markers and all your stationary soon followed suit and found their own little space to rest.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” the silence in the room finally got overthrown by the voice of its new owner, asking for some help in the matters unfolding 

Yes Miss Y/N

“Would you put a timer for 5min from now please?” still focused onto your stuff, finding them a visible but safe from damage storage. Nothing could destroy as well as time and dust did.

Timer set for 5 minutes from now.

“Thank you.” The only thing left to do now was to get the clothes in the closet and move the tech to the lab. Hopefully Dr. Banner wouldn’t mind waiting a bit more, not like he seemed to but who knows, Hulk lived inside him after all. You didn’t want to take a chance and play with his limits. The closet was hidden inside the wall, stealthy I must say. Toothpaste and toothbrush, essentials and cosmetics. All was done, now.

      Ding Ding Ding.  

Timer is going off  Miss. Shall I turn it off or restart it?

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y. You can turn it off. “

  Your laptop and small bag were safely nestled under your arm, making your way outside the room.  For a moment you thought you got lost, but the orange tint of the sun’s rays soon pulled your attention in the right direction. Around the corner your nose caught the smell of caramel. Your head hesitantly protruded behind the pillar, as you called out to the man holding 2 cups in his hands firmly.

“Oh.” He jumped a bit, reaching out offering one of the mugs “ I hope you like it, we don’t have much selection when it comes to tea here. Coffee addicts you know.” he laughed out

“It is ok. Thank you very much.” Your leg levered and you swung onto the bar chair like it was nothing, taking a sip from the hot drink. You felt it warm you up slowly as it went down, melting away a bit of your anxiety. Once again your sight was captivated by the view. No one knows how much time passed since you got lost in the sunset, but it was nice. You could barely hear the bustling city from the 134th floor. It was only you, the sun and the room. Quiet almost like a safe serene space.

“Beautiful isn’t it.” Bruce shook you out of your little mind palace

“Mm? Ah, yes. Very much so. “ you puffed out some air with your smile, eyes forming little crescent moons “I feel like a cat, my attention keeps drifting to the glass unintentionally.”

“I understand you. I keep doing that myself and I have lived in the compound for quite some time now. “ the conversation was lighthearted, easily drifting over the main reason for your arrival “One would think I would be used to it by now.”

“Mr Stark made this place so calm. Big yet homey.” Your head scanned the area, words intriguing the doctor “ In a way it contrasts the inner state of most of the Avengers.” realized what just came out of your lips, your body stiffened. Oh man, way to ruin it - you thought to yourself “I am so sorry.” The mug clanked under the table, sending a vibration to his palm, as you bowed “I spoke out of place.”

“I think you might be on to something.” Your neck pulled your head up, a few strands of hair falling down next to your soft cheek. Bruce was still looking at the setting sun with a soft smile, his jaw exposing the beard to the light, coloring it a deep fiery yellow hue. There was something nostalgic in his dark eyes. “Most of us here have some sort of troubled past- lets sugar coat it a bit. This whole building, on the levels we use., is like a constant Zen state. It calms us down unintentionally. How do I say this...” He turned towards his coffee, laughing out almost silently.

“Maybe it offers you the peace you couldn’t have on the inside, masking the pain from past trauma. A way to indirectly cope with all that had happened, offering a haven to heal the past.” Bruce was listening to you, taking in your way of thinking and how right you were about something that had always been in front of his eyes ,but he had never noticed it before. Such a young girl, so much pain in her manner. He couldn’t bring himself to ask you about the weight inside your voice. It felt too close for him to do so. He had just met you after all, it is not like he could just straight up ask you about all your deepest and darkest secrets, that you might be hiding underneath your mature façade.

“Well, enough about our depressing past.” He pushed off the table “Lets get you situated in your new place.”Dr. Banner began walking in the direction of the lab, turning towards you from time to time. He was make sure you were close by and not lost somewhere in this maze of halls, corridors and who knows what else Tony could have hidden in these walls, for some unsuspecting person to stumble upon.

“I am sadly not familiar with your work like Tony is. He told me about you literally a few hours before you arrived, so you would have to excuse me for that.” You nodded with a smile, accepting the apology he didn’t even need to speak of 

“The lab is pretty big.” He unlocked the door and turned the lights on. It was exactly as he said and nothing like you had expected. The color pattern was the same tints, maybe a bit of blue mixed in as well, a dash of red. The tables and tech inside were state-of-the-art, high-quality and very well kept. Some weren’t even yet released or known to the public. Talking year 3054 up in here.

“This will be your desk, right next to me.”Bruce plopped onto his chair and waved at you “Hi, Hi.”

  He gestured for you to get yourself as comfortable as possible, which you almost couldn’t wait to do. Your fingers gently ran over the material getting familiar with it. Just with one look you already knew where everything was going to go, like it knew it’s own home. You had a tech bay, where you could check how systems worked, if they didn’t and building anything. It was amazing, just an arm’s length distance was possibility and creation itself. Excitement boiled inside you, eyes wide. Reaching inside the bag, you pulled out your work computer, your project tablet and made sure they were all connected to the internet and matched the Stark system interface. As soon as you saw the company logo you were all set up.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” the silence danced hand in hand with your voice

Yes Miss. Would you like a run down on the desk functions?

“Yes please.” In a matter of minutes you realized that this wasn’t just some random fancy desk ,but a whole machine of its own. Interactive hologram functions, building station and program 3D design. It had it all. Bruce was shocked how easy you worked with F.R.I.D.A.Y. , naturally taking a lead and informing yourself at 100% capacity about what you will be working with. For a second Tony flashed before his eyes.

“What made you apply here?” he cut your investigation “I don’t mean to be rude but I saw some of your pre-university work.”

“No problem. I was mostly out of the country for a very long time, maybe most of my life. When I came back the Avengers were something I loved watching on the news.” The praise went over Bruce’s head unnoticed “ There was something nostalgic when I looked at you guys. Mr. Stark’s tech, the way everyone fought with ease, I don’t know how to explain it. I craved that in my life, almost like a forgotten world I was striving to immerse myself back into. “ a gentle crook of the neck and a smile eased Bruce from the question

“Well you made it here, so congratulations.” loud joyous clapping followed his words” I think I am talking for all of us, we will love having you around. So-” His face became serious, glasses finding the bridge of his nose onto his face, eyes sharp “Would you like to start with your job here miss intern?” he winked playfully waiting to see your reaction. Like a mirror ,you pulled your hair away from your face, rolled up your sleeves and flashed back the same look of determination. “Introduce me to your train of thought and your projects.”

“I work mainly with the structure and characteristics of vibranium. At first, I was focused on making prosthetics that pack a punch the same way the Iron Man suits worked and Sergeant Barnes’s arm- of course on a smaller scale. But then my mind started drifting towards the process before amputation, which was for a certain percent of people the healing factor. Maybe inside strength as well. ”

“As in incorporating it into medical technology?” this sounded too simple of an idea coming for someone Tony chose, yet Bruce kept listening. He was judging the book by its cover way too soon.

“Not exactly. Vibranium has a metal crystal structure that possesses ‘memory’ the same way other metals remember being indented even after getting fixed or straightened eventually. My theory has a few parts before I reach the main plan. Going on an atomic level, even deeper to its base structure, I change the connections between the atoms. They have the same functions as in keeping the shape, but missing that molding memory.”

“You are saying you can mold the bonds, selecting freely what function to remove?” Bruce pushed back off his chair, letting the idea enter his ear and stay there, feeding the interest on his face.

“I am not saying I can.” he was listening more and more with each passing minute “I am saying I did it. I am in the final stages of my project.” Your hands pulled out a flat disk of vibranium  “F.R.I.D.A.Y. would you do a double scan before and after I bend this?”

Affirmatively Miss. Scan done. Shall I offer a hologram?

“Please do.” Right between your two bodies you could now see the basics of the metal “ See how the bonds are thicker? I noticed, metal bonds just have to keep  the shape of the crystal structure. Not only did I make vibranium stronger than it originally was, but now if I bend-it.” Your voice strained in pair with your muscles, as you folded and unfolded the sheet. The second scan showed no memory intake not even deformed the shapes “I call this metal healing.”

“That...that is amazing, not even a crease to be noticed! But where are you going with this?” Bruce rubbed his face, still shook from what you just showed him

“It might sound stupid, but this isn’t even my main idea. You see, if we look at matter as one and the same, things start to add up. Everything on a molecular level has no difference. Bonds, and atom-placement dictate what the object will be, look like and how it works- properties if you wish. I looked at vibranium and human flesh as different parts of one thing, which lead me to believe enhancing people could be done without super soldier serums.”

“That is… truly amazing, but won’t the testing period be a sadistic thing. We are not HYDRA thankfully.” As great as this was Bruce had a point here “Human experiments are not a politic the Avengers will ever lean upon. As fellow humans nonetheless.”

“I am not planning to make another Winter Soldier. I already have control over vibranium on levels outside and inside hyperspace.” You pulled out a bottle of metallic looking dust. The top unscrewed easy and you spilled the contents like heavy silvery snow all over the floor. “If I take quarks from the human body and use them to make 1 proton from the atomic nucleus, I can theoretically program it to answer to the human body using the unbroken rule of our system.”

  Bruce blinked a few times understanding exactly where you were reaching “All work in favor of the body.” He said out loud, glasses sliding off his skin

“Exactly. If they get programmed correctly the metal will work for the body, under the command of the main system- the nerves and brain. Post that success I would be able to inject them with a liquid medium directly into the bloodstream. As they make their way to all parts of the body, they will get acquainted with the cells. I want to change them so they will be susceptible to hormones as well. Basically I want to make a metal compound that reacts like organic matter. It would be able, upon will, to pile around bones, create fibers, strengthening muscles ecc. Some could even carry other substances with them, or isolate toxic ones. Now their size and ability for diapedesis is still questionable. So far I can move them at a certain extend.” You swung your hand and the dust lifted off the floor cleanly in one swoop 

“That is amazing!” Bruce pitched his voice after seeing the floating cloud “Are you using some kind of device ?”

“No, this dust was modeled after me, I am the only guinea pig so no one was harmed in the making. I have to say though, it was quite painful till I got it right.” You laughed out uneasy, scratching your arm  

“ I could only imagine, taking your own tissue for this. What else could it do?”

“Well. I know that Mr. Stark isn’t into weapons anymore, so I pitched him the enhancing technique only. The dust’s only function right now sadly is shaping.” Your fingers danced as the vibranium cloud formed Captain America’s shield, before turning into a sword. “As long as I have enough information of structure, function and the way the object works I can make it.” Your footsteps were confidant and strong.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. the window if you please.”

Certainly Miss

   The clicking sound of the metal around the glass flung the object open. Your hand reached outside and pointed towards the sky. “My uncle had a deep interest in weapons so naturally I learned as well by listening to him.” The dust wrapped around your hand and formed a Heckler Koch pistols. With the pull of the trigger you shot into the air, making Bruce jump from the sound.

“I am sorry about that, I should have warned you.” You giggled stepping in

“That is a completely functional firearm. His breath normalized as his body took him right up to you, running his hands over the gun “ This is, something I can’t even imagine.” Eyes scanning every inch of it looking like a perfect mold “How does it look so solid? Smooth, no trace of it even being made from any smaller particle. ”

“Oh that, intra-atomic pressure. Kind of like gravity times 100 or more. If I pitched this to Mr.Stark I think the selling point would have been…”your fingers gently pulled the weapon out of Dr.Banner’s hand as the vibranium flew from the outside to the magazine “ It doesn’t run out of ammo since I call it back at anytime AND once in the body I can infest it.”

“It could travel through the blood stream and form clumps in certain organs!” he gasped

“I could have gone a bit more sadistic with this one, but I will stop talking now.” You laughed out sending your project back to its jar, securely tightened up. 

“How far is your limit? I mean is there a distance at which you can’t sense the partials, any mental fatigue or physical? You are amazing! This is something out of this world truly, no wonder Tony accepted your application. I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything closely resembling…wow.” He kept praising you each time his mouth opened

“Banner.” Light and confident footsteps accompanied the familiar playboy voice inside the lab

Welcome back Sir

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. medical bay on standby please.”

As you wish Sir

“I would appreciate it if you stepped back from my new intern and helped out a bit. We have injured coming in stat.” Tony waved his hand and Bruce pulled away from you, cleaning the couch on his side “You too miss intern. No slacking off just because it’s your first day. Treat it as orientation.”

“Yes Mr. Stark.” Panic rose up inside you again as you tried to follow what Dr. Banner was doing. Injured? Were the rest of the Avengers on a mission this whole time? It didn’t matter, you were mobilized as well and for a second it felt kind of cool, like you were also an agent fighting crime. The grunts and groans pulled you back to Earth as Captain America’s large frame stepped inside.  

[generallynerdy]

Allowing the thought to stay the trigger, the heart to register its trembling (Grey/Depa Billaba ft. Caleb Dume)

Summary: “I’m not worth it,” Grey hisses through their teeth. “Please. Depa, please—” Their general, their Jedi, only shakes her head, her grip on their shoulders a death sentence. “I will not leave you,” she says. “Fight the voice, Grey. Fight it.” They sob and some part of their brain burns with the knowledge that little brown eyes are watching from the corner of the room. They scream, pulling against their bonds and the twisting darkness in their head. “I can’t. I can’t—” Something that isn’t Grey crawls under their skin and it speaks, twisted, Dark. “Traitors.”

Warnings: Mind Control, Violent Thoughts, Serious Injuries, Blood and Violence, Eye Trauma (not graphic but described briefly), Vomiting (in like one sentence, emetophobia gang rise up), Angst Word Count: 2,275

Prompt: Angstpril Day 3 - “I can’t.”

Author’s Note: more suffering! Yay! I like to think this ended happily but this is Angstpril so I’m not writing it lol. Also, I discovered that Kanan’s eyes aren’t actually brown, at least according to Wookieepedia but frankly that’s stupid as fuck so. Brown-eyed Kanan. And nonbinary Grey because I am apparently not the only one who loves that concept! (Also, sorry for late posting! I was unable to finish this last night :/ hopefully I can finish day 4 today as well and catch up)

Read on AO3

*

Good soldiers follow orders.

Good soldiers follow orders.

Good soldiers follow orders.

It's an endless loop in the back of their mind, an itch they can't quite scratch. At the Order, it breaks free and turns to a screech, a ringing thought that echoes in their head so loudly it hurts. They don't even feel themselves pulling the trigger, shouting for their squad to follow.

But when they finally come to, underneath the monster that's stolen their face, it's because they're standing over him.

Caleb. 

Commander Caleb Dume. Jedi Padawan. Traitor.

Ad'ika, their heart cries as they lift their blaster. Their shaking hands have it levelled at the boy's face, right between his big brown, tear-filled eyes.

"Grey—Grey, what are you doing? What—?" His pleading words are nearly unintelligible between his panting breaths. When the cold metal touches his face, he sobs. “Don’t! Buir, don’t—don’t—please—”

Their cheeks are wet. Caleb sees it and only sobs harder, afraid to move for fear that they’ll pull the trigger. With their trembling hands, the likelihood of a misfire is high.

Inside their mind, Grey screams. They claw at the walls of their mental prison, leaving their fingertips bloodied and their throat hoarse from their agonizing howls. The cell won’t budge. The chip won’t give. They can’t get out. They can’t save their son.

But someone else can.

A robed figure flies out of nowhere, tackling Grey to the ground and sending their blasters into the air with a flick of their hand.

“Caleb, the blasters!”

Depa.

General Depa Billaba. Jedi High General. Traitor.

Depa. She hates it when I call her General.

She pins them to the ground and presses the calloused pads of her fingers against their temple. Something like grief crosses her face. “Sleep, Grey. Sleep.”

The chip fights, but they don’t. They like to think it helps bring the darkness faster.

*

“Master?”

Caleb’s voice trembles when he asks, taking a hesitant step forward. Depa is still on top of Grey, catching her breath and making sure they’re passed out. She shuts her eyes tightly, centering her conflicted presence. Her Padawan needs her and so does Grey. This is no time to grieve for the rest of their battalion.

(She tried to incapacitate rather than kill, but they’re still gone. The light that she used to associate with them has been snuffed out by a strangling darkness that burns.)

“It’s alright, Caleb, they’re unconscious,” she says, mustering what little strength she has left.

At her word, he rushes over, clinging to the sleeve of her robe.

Any other day, he’d be indignantly distant, trying to prove himself on the battlefield and make Depa proud. But right now he reeks of terror and uncertainty. And she feels the same.

Execute Order 66, the Chancellor had said.

And then everything had gone to hell. The clones had disappeared, replaced by darkness, and the Master-Padawan pair had barely made it out with their lives. Depa hasn’t even been able to process the wave of lights being snuffed out in the Force and she knows her Padawan hasn’t either; his connection with the Force feels brittle and broken. The Jedi are dying at the hands of their closest companions, at the order of the Chancellor of the Republic, and the two of them stand in the center of it all.

“What’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” she admits quietly. She climbs off Grey and binds them with their own set of binders, something tight in her chest as she does. Then, she turns back to Caleb. “Are you alright? No injuries?”

He shakes his head and wipes at his eyes with the edge of his sleeve. “Just scrapes.” He glances at Grey. “That—That wasn’t Buir, was it? It felt...wrong.”

“Very wrong,” she agrees. “I don’t know what it was, but the Chancellor triggered it. We need to get off the planet.”

“Are we...going back to the Temple?”

Depa visibly hesitates. His face falls and he knows in his heart that they aren’t. Even if they did, there would probably be nothing and no one left.

“It isn’t safe. We need to lay low for a while and figure out how to save Grey,” she tells him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Caleb, look at me.”

He does and she smiles a little.

Even now, in what must be the worst moment of his short life, he’s ready to listen. He’s ready to do what he needs to.

She kneels down to meet his height, holding his head in her capable hands. “You will survive this,” she says like it’s a promise. She can’t say the same of her or Grey or anyone else they know, but she can promise that Caleb will live. Because she will die to see it through. “You will. Do you understand?”

Despite the fear in his eyes, he nods.

“Good.”

Depa allows herself a moment to breathe, but no longer.

“Now, we need a way out of here.”

*

Grey wakes to the buzzing of a ship and panics. The last they remember, they were on the surface of the planet, with Depa and Caleb and- oh, Force. Oh, fuck.

Did they attack them? Did they hold a gun to Caleb's head?

Their own is throbbing, something clearly wrong. Chills go down their spine as they sit up, finding their wrists held together by their own binders. They're on the floor of a cargo bay, in an unfamiliar ship, but familiar voices echo from down the hall.

"Master, they're awake!" calls Caleb after poking his head in.

He may not be showing it, or trying not to, but Grey can see the fear in his furrowed eyebrows.

He's afraid of them.

They feel nauseous at the realisation.

"Caleb—" they try to say. Their voice is hoarse.

Depa appears from the hall, a glass of water in her hand. She crosses to Grey, motioning for her Padawan to stay by the door, which he does without question. Kneeling before her commander, her lover, she examines their face. They can feel her prodding at them gently in the Force. She's trying to decide whether they're friend or foe right now.

“Are you with us, Grey?”

They hesitate, but eventually nod. “I think so.”

With a small smile, Depa helps them drink the water, but pulls it away quickly when it’s finished. She’s cautious and rightfully so, Grey thinks when they feel something in their head tug.

They must visibly flinch, because so does Caleb.

“Tell me what’s happening,” their general murmurs, putting a hand on their knee.

Shutting their eyes fiercely, they take a long moment to answer. “It’s—It’s hard to fight. It wants me to...to kill the trai-traitors,” they gasp out, finding the unknown force stronger when they speak that word. They open their eyes, horrified. “Shit.”

“You’re alright.” She takes their hand and starts tracing patterns. “Can you tell where it’s coming from?”

“No, but...kark, my head hurts. My head. I think.”

“Stay still,” she warns.

She runs a hand up their temple, her eyes shut in concentration. The Force prods gently at their mind and, when it finds the offending area, something burns. Grey cries out and Depa stops in an instant, pulling back with a fearful look.

“There’s—” Glancing back at her Padawan, she takes a steadying breath. “I believe there’s something in your head that doesn’t belong, Grey. Something physical, but it’s very dark in the Force.”

“Can we get it out?” Caleb asks, his voice smaller than he is, which is saying something.

She stands, frowning. “I don’t know. I’ll set a course for—”

Grey’s face twists as the thing inside their head roars to life. “Don’t—” they manage to growl out.

There’s a lot they can’t explain to Depa in that moment. For one thing, they’d like to tell her that if the Chancellor activated the thing in their brain, he might very well be able to track them or hear their conversations through it. For another, it’s quite possible that if Dark Grey—yes, they’re calling the evil thing in their head by that now—overtakes Light Grey—Cody would be rolling on the floor now. Is Cody alive? Is his general alive?—they might just straight up contact the enemy.

Even though they can’t explain all that, their beloved Depa Billaba stops instantly, her eyes shining with understanding.

“—somewhere we can lay low and find a doctor,” she finishes instead.

Dark Grey shoves, pushes for more information. It stabs at Grey, a physical pain that makes them hiss. Out of their control, they speak.

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

It makes Depa frown. She examines their face, watching as it shifts into something so unlike them it’s sickening.

“Good soldiers follow orders,” they snap again, like a mantra.

Dark Grey does not appreciate their plan.

Grey finally gets a hold of themself, dragging themself into consciousness with a heavy breath. When they look up at Depa, their gaze is determined.

“You need to leave me.”

“No!” cries Caleb fiercely.

Depa holds up a hand. “Caleb,” she warns, a reminder to mind his emotions.

He falls silent, watching his Master and his buir with something akin to horrified bafflement. Force, Grey has never seen him so openly terrified. Ever since he joined their little family, he’s been nothing but brave.

“I’m a liability and a threat,” they say, turning their attention back to Depa. “It’ll be easier to go without me.”

“We won’t leave you behind.”

They frown at her, lowering their voice. “He can’t die because of me.”

She doesn’t dare glance at Caleb, doesn’t dare give their worries away to the boy, who already has the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. “It won’t come down to that.”

“And neither can you,” they add firmly. 

Depa’s expression tells them all they need to know. That’s one thing she can’t promise.

“He needs you.”

She huffs a rueful laugh. “So do you.”

If they could, they’d reach out to hold the back of her neck and keep her close.

Hold her neck and break it.

Grey flinches back. “No—”

“Tell me what it’s saying,” she encourages, reaching for them.

An agonizing pain rips through their skull, eliciting a scream. Despite the binders on their wrists, they claw at their scalp. The thought crosses Depa’s mind that she should stop them, but she doesn’t get the chance.

They drop their hands and gaze up at her with tearful eyes.

“I’m not worth it,” Grey hisses through their teeth. “Please. Depa, please—” 

Their general, their Jedi, only shakes her head, her grip on their shoulders a death sentence. “I will not leave you,” she says. “Fight the voice, Grey. Fight it.” 

They sob and some part of their brain burns with the knowledge that little brown eyes are watching from the corner of the room. They scream, pulling against their bonds and the twisting darkness in their head. “I can’t. I can’t—” 

Something that isn’t Grey crawls under their skin and it speaks, twisted, Dark. 

“Traitors.”

They lurch forward. Depa thinks they’re collapsing, but Dark Grey has other plans. They involve the vibroblade tucked into her boot, which is now in reach.

She never liked weapons that weren’t kyber-powered, lightsabers and lightsaber rifles in particular, but after a Separatist assassin nearly suffocated Grey right next to her, she became paranoid. Working through her fear was difficult, so her partner thought having a weapon under her pillow might put her at ease. For the most part, it worked. No one knew of its existence except Grey and she preferred it that way.

And now, CC-10/994 turns that trust against her.

With a fierce yell, he barrels into the Jedi traitor, ripping the vibroblade from its hiding place as she goes flying.

“Master!”

Before the other traitor can react, CC-10/994 flips the first over his shoulder, slamming her into the wall. Then, he flies at the smaller target, vibroblade tightly grasped.

The Jedi yelps and ducks his flurry of blows.

“Grey, snap out of it!” he says desperately.

CC-10/994 doesn’t flinch and leaps forward again.

“Buir! Buir, it’s me, Caleb!”

A single slash of the vibroblade has the traitor shrieking, falling back with an arm over his face. Before CC-10/994 can attack again, the Jedi Padawan throws out a hand, sending him soaring across the room. He slams into the wall with a vicious crack, all the air pushed from his lungs in an instant. For a split second, Grey rises again, ready to fight themself off, but it’s unnecessary.

Depa is there, shoving them into the cargo bay’s cell, ripping the vibroblade away, and locking the door behind them.

Grey collapses inside, gasping for breath and trembling as they stare at their own hands in horror. Blood stains their gloves. The sight makes them nauseous, so they tug the gloves off and throw them to the other side of the cell, desperate to get away.

It’s Caleb’s howl that makes them look up.

Depa is at his side in an instant but not fast enough. He pulls his sleeve away from his face and—

Grey throws up that time, into the corner of the cell.

Their blow struck true, slashing Caleb’s face from his right temple to the bridge of his nose. It’s a deep cut, one that goes into his right eye and bleeds profusely. The other eye, untouched, is blinded by tears.

“I can’t see,” he sobs, reaching for his Master, who reaches back. “I can’t—Master, I can’t—”

CC-10/994 lifts his head and smiles.

“Death to the traitors,” he spits. “Glory to the Empire.”

*

(Dark Grey uses he/him because Dark Grey follows orders, including gender assignments.)

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

[punchdrunkdoc]

Updated K-drama list (4)

This list is getting looooong,  because I’m well and truly addicted to these shows and can’t stop watching them. 

I think its because each show is so self-contained - one series, 16-20 episodes and its done. A clear beginning, middle and a satisfying end. That, together with all the tropes in play (SO MANY TROPES!!) makes each show feel like a novel come to life. And when I start a good novel, I have to finish it in one go. This usually results in me staying up till 2am because I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS. And it’s the same with these shows. I’m getting very little sleep, but I’m having a hell of a good time!

FAVOURITES

1. Crash Landing on You

He’s from North Korea. She’s from South Korea. They never should have met, but they’ll change each other’s lives.

This was my first K-drama, and its still my favourite. The full cast of characters is great, the lead romance is ANGSTALICIOUS and its genuinely, laugh out loud funny (when its not making you cry or swoon).

Male lead: Officially the best boyfriend ever. With added dimples.

Tear-jerk factor: 4/5

2. Healer

The lives, and pasts, of a hot shot reporter, a spunky young tabloid journalist and a mysterious thief-for-hire intersect.

This was so addictive - the plot was tight and engaging, and this is one of the few shows I’ve watched where there didn’t seem to be a lot of filler. I loved the central 3 characters, and the romance was amazing. I especially loved that the male lead started off such a brooding loner, but he became super-affectionate as soon as he admitted his feelings. So many good hugs and lots of face-cradling in this one.

Male lead: Effortlessly beats up 2 henchmen while comforting his girl over the phone. What more do you need?

Tear-jerk factor: 1/5

3. Itaewon Class

A young man’s life is forever altered when he runs afoul of a powerful family.

This felt like a big step up in quality from everything else in this list, in terms of the production, soundtrack (which was brilliant), the lack of annoying sound effects, and just the overall ‘real world’ feel of the show. All of the characters were fleshed out and 3-dimensional, and they all had their ‘moment’ to shine. The story itself was gripping and so well done - some of the twists and reveals had me gasping! And what can I say about the 2 leads? I love them, both separately, and together. He is so wise beyond his years, and his journey will break your heart and inspire you. She is borderline sociopathic, but I adore her.

Male lead: Tenacious, principled, kind, innocent, caring, driven, loyal…and he can cook!

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

4. Descendants of the Sun

A special forces Captain meets a capable and beautiful trauma surgeon. They feel an instant bond, but their jobs and philosophy on life get in the way, threatening to tear them apart.

Halfway through this show, I seriously thought this might overtake CLOY as my No. 1 fav. I absolutely LOVE the male lead character, and the romance was beautiful…but it didn’t quite nail the angst and the last minute was a bit twee which dropped it down the rankings a bit.

Male lead: A cocky, charming, absolute BADASS with the most adorable, cheeky smile.

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

5. Love in the Moonlight / Moonlight Drawn by Clouds

A young woman poses as a eunuch in the Royal Palace and falls in love with the Crown Prince

I wanted to try something different so I opted for this period piece and OH MY GOD am I glad I did. The start had a really light comedic tone (and a lot of modern anachronisms - high fives everywhere!) and I loved all the identity-concealing hi-jinks. But then the romance kicked into gear and the DELICIOUS angst started flowing, and I became obsessed with it. It's like loads of bits of my favourite regency historical romances were mashed up and transported to the Joseon Dynasty. I loved it so much!

Male lead: Manages to look amazingly handsome despite all the period headgear, kicks ass with a sword, and doesn't allow himself to be manipulated by the corrupt officials surrounding him, which was refreshing. Also acts like an adorable goofball when he's in love.

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

6. My Holo Love

A lonely woman falls for a holographic AI and then meets his creator...

I love the concept of this show (I’m a big sci-fi nerd), and it was beautifully shot. The lead relationship is well developed and it doesnt fall into a typical love triangle. I’ve come to realise it utilises a lot of K-drama tropes (face-blindness! shared childhood trauma!), but it does it really well, imho.

Male lead: Tortured loner genius. My catnip.

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

7. Goblin

A 900yr old immortal guardian finally meets the ‘bride’ who will end his existence

Once I got over the slight ick-factor of the age difference between the two characters at the beginning, I really fell for this show and it’s world. It had me in tears. And I especially loved the secondary character of the Grim Reaper.

Male lead: Surprising innocent and funny for a 900 year old

Tear-Jerk factor: 5/5

8. What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim

An personal assistant decides to quits her job in order to get a life. Her boss has other ideas.

I loved the female lead in this - I’m a sucker for uber-competent people, and the actress is STUNNING. Her boss is self-centred, entitled and vain...but over time, somehow that just becomes endearing! Possibly because he’s played by Park Seo Joon, who can do no wrong in my book! The central romance is super cute - I can rewatch their scenes again and again. 

Male lead: Like I said, somehow makes vanity and narcissism endearing. Also not afraid to get his shirt off and flash his 6-pack. Bonus.

Tear-Jerk factor: 0/5

9. Legend of the Blue Sea

A mermaid comes onto land to find the man she loves

The (literal) fish-out-of-water scenes in the first half of this show were hilarious - the actress is a comic genius! The romance was nicely done, and there wasn’t a lot of extraneous plot or too many characters. I couldn’t stop watching this one!

Male lead: Cocky, arrogant conman with a soft mushy centre

Tear-Jerk factor: 1/5

10. Fight for my Way

Two life-long friends decide to go after their dreams

I fast-forwarded large chunks of this (I wasn’t interested in the secondary couple at all), but it still made my favourite list because I love the leads - both as separate characters and as a couple. This is one of the best friends-to-lovers stories I’ve seen, mainly because you truly buy that these 2 have known each other their entire lives (their  bickering and teasing feels so natural). And then when they take the next step, they’re so affectionate and refreshingly open with their feelings.

Male lead: The third Park Seo Joon character on this list! I love his contradictions. He’s goofy and childish…but can really turn on the sexy charm; he’s a badass MMA fighter…who loves when his girlfriend sticks up for him and protects him.

Tear-jerk factor: 0.5/5

11. Suspicious Partner

A young, hardworking lawyer has her life turned upside down when she is put on trial for murder.

This has been officially bumped up to my favourites list - partly because I’m now a massive Ji Chang Wook fan, and partly because I’ve rewatched scenes with better subtitles and its made it 10x better. Its still overly long, but the serial killer plot had some nice twists and it was central to the story, so it didn’t feel extraneous like some of these types of plots do. I really enjoyed the central romance - the 2 characters sparked off each other well and I loved their evolution from sort-of enemies to lovers. This is another show where I can endlessly rewatch their scenes together.

Male lead: Its Ji Chang Wook! He’s so good at playing serious guys who are secretly big dorks.

Tear Jerk factor: 0.5/5

NOTABLE MENTIONS

These are shows which I completed and really enjoyed but they had flaws which kept them out of the favourites list.

1. The K2

An ex-mercenary takes a job as a bodyguard protecting the illegitimate daughter of a politician. A sort-of Snow White retelling.

This started off really well, with some amazing fight sequences (hello, shower room scene!). However, the back half became too bogged down in double crosses and manipulations, and it focussed too much on the politicians. The writers did well to give these characters some layers, but they were all essentially doing bad things for the wrong reasons, and I just didn’t care about them. The show was much better when it was following K2’s journey. The romance also started off well, but was a bit underdeveloped (mainly because they barely interacted).

2. I Am Not a Robot

A man who is allergic to human contact finds companionship with a robot…or does he?

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it passed a couple of episodes of this - the concept was just too ridiculous. But I’m glad I persevered, because it developed some real depth and some proper good angst towards the end and I LOVED the central relationship.

3. Extraordinary You

A high school student discovers she's a supporting character in a comic book

The plot of this was so unique, and the way the comic story played out interspersed with the characters 'real lives' was really well done. Plus the central couple were so adorable. It dragged in the middle section (several versions of the same conversations were had, and the same exposition was spelled out multiple ways for no apparent reason) which kept it out of my favourite list, but it redeemed itself with some good angst at the end, and it had a really lovely ‘epilogue'.

4. My Love from the Star

Alien stranded on earth meets an actress soon before he’s due to be rescued.

I finally gave this another chance, and I’m glad I did. The female lead got a LOT less irritating, and I enjoyed the present-day romance and all the flashes back to the past. However, the ending was really abrupt and disappointing (which kept it out of my favourite list). There should have been 1 less filler episode in the middle, and a decent, fleshed out finale instead.

5. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

A young talented weightlifter experiences first love

Honestly, I wasn’t sold on this at first; the female lead was a bit much (lot of gurning and over-acting) and there was a weird disconnect between how she was described (big, overweight, manly, unfeminine) and how she actually looked (thin and beautiful!). But the back half of this show saved it; her relationship with Joon-Hyung was sooooo cute. He is adorable, and they were both so supportive of each other’s dreams. I finished this with a big smile on my face.

6. Because this is my First Life

A rational-to-a-fault software designer and an aspiring screenwriter come up with an unconventional way to solve their housing problem

When I started this, I thought it was going to be all light and fluffy (the main character's job in the beginning was to insert the product placement in Korean dramas - hello, Red Ginseng! - which I found hilarious and meta) but it had a surprisingly melancholic tone throughout and touched on issues of workplace harassment and gender roles. I didn't warm to the male lead until right at the end (which was probably partly intentional - he's very remote and closed off) but overall I found the story quite lovely. Plus it had a really great central female friendship and their conversations actually passed the Bechdel test!

7. Strong Girl Bong-Soon

A woman with inherited super-strength gets a job as a bodyguard for an eccentric young CEO

The lead couple in this are AD-OR-ABLE and I loved their relationship. But there was a weird tone issue in this show. The romance is super cute...but there’s a whole dark sub plot involving multiple women being held captive by a psychopath. I ended up fast forwarding most of that, and just concentrated on the romance.

THE OTHERS...

I finished these shows and liked parts of them, but they ultimately didn’t set my world on fire.

1. Her Private Life

A talented art curator tries to keep her professional persona separate from her fangirl obsession with a pop idol.

This was cute and I loved the central relationship - he was so supportive of her, and their interactions were refreshingly mature and their banter felt really natural. Ultimately, it was a bit forgettable (I’m not dying to rewatch any of it), and the last minute tacked-on childhood trauma subplot was really unnecessary.

2. Touch Your Heart

Star actress rocked by scandal works at a law firm to prepare for her comeback role

This starred the secondary couple from Goblin and I really like them, even though they are playing very different characters in this (more opposites attract, than doomed lovers). At first I found this too ‘cutesy’, but I’ve since realised the sound effects/graphics are a K-drama thing and not unique to this show, so I’m not as down on it as I was. I still had to fast forward a lot of the secondary romances which I wasn’t invested in.

3. Hyde, Jekyll and Me

A woman becomes involved in the lives of 2 men, who share one body

This stars Hyun Bin from CLOY and he is sooo watchable, especially as the slick-haired, glasses-wearing, uptight Seo-Jin. And the show started well...but quickly went off the rails into a convoluted, dragged-out revenge plot.

4. Melting Me Softly

Two people are accidentally cryogenically frozen for 20 years. They have to navigate the modern world and their new lives together.

Another good concept, but it ultimately descended into little more than a light work-place romance. Had a couple of good kissing scenes, but it was overall a bit forgettable.

And the DNF:

My Secret Romance

I started watching this because I was looking for something a little less PG - the characters have a one night stand in the first episode! But I couldn’t get passed the bad acting and cheap production.

Master’s Sun

I liked the premise but the 2 leads weren’t very attractive (at least in comparison to the insanely beautiful actors/actresses in the shows listed above). Call me superficial, but I couldn’t see myself spending 17 hours watching them and willing them to kiss.

[itispossibleihaveissues]

And Who By Fire - chapter 18

Pairing: Jason Todd/Dick Grayson

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Permanent injury, amputation, behavioural changes due to brain injury, dysfunctional relationships [big shock, I know] I will put any extras at the beginning of each chapter.

Summery:  Both Dick and Jason are caught in an explosion that changes everything. Burdened with a shared sense of guilt and isolation, they are forced to rely on each other. Together they might heal. Or possibly just kill each other.

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 15 16 17

Thanks for all the wonderful comments, kudos and support over the course of this fic - I've been incredibly grateful for all of them!

And a huge thank you to Brukesl17 for the betaing through my Dyslexic nonsense.

Notes: This is for Iamjasonssmirkingrevenge and is also all her fault.

Jason couldn't recall the exact sequence of events that lead to him being back in the Manor. Back in the bed that he had spent his early teens in, whacking off to the thought of being Robin and tearing a swath through the Gotham underworld. He would have objected if he had been in his right mind, but he had been to distraught to focus long enough to stop Bruce and Alfred loading them all into the car. So, here he was.

He had slept for an hour or two, completely wrung out by the events of the past few days. When he woke, it was with a clearer head, and in many ways, a lighter heart. It was all out in the open now – he just had to weather the consequences, but the crippling guilt no longer felt like it was going to burst out of him in some sort of toxic explosion. It was progress.  

He sat up in bed to find Bruce sitting across the room.

A great start.

Bruce was stony faced, but beside him was Jason's new prosthetic. That was surprising. B was far too used to fighting his battles tooth and nail to offer up a potential tool to an enemy. That meant it might be some form of peace offering. If that was the case, it was possible that if he could control his temper and if Bruce would just listen to him without making snap judgements or agree to disagree on a few things, then they might be able to come out of this mess with the possibility of at least having a civil relationship. Something Jason wanted for Dick and Tim’s sake, as well as his own.

“Jason,” Bruce rumbled.

Jason pushed himself up against the headboard in response to that tone of voice, he just couldn’t help himself.

“I understand that the trauma you and Dick both shared has forged a tight bond between you, and that is partly my fault for leaving you both to deal with the situation alone. I should have offered you more support. I plan to rectify that now. But the relationship has to end, it’s unbalanced and unhealthy.”

Jason has been expecting the attack, when it came, to be about the bomb, not he and Dick’s relationship. He may have got his hopes up a little early. Jason sighed, loudly and with all the frustration and tiredness he felt. “Bruce, I’m going to say this as politely as possible, and I’m going to use small words so that you understand: It’s none of your damn business, so back off .”

Bruce's brows drew down, and his jaw took on the same stubborn set that Dick's did when he was going to behave insufferably.

“It’s not up to you, it’s up to Dick,” Jason tired again. “He’s the one calling the shots right now. He was the one that instigated this, I spent a great deal of time trying to rebuff him, even though I didn’t really want to, I know it’s a bad idea. I know it's fucked up and weird, but it’s come to a point that I don’t give a crap. He wants to be with me for some God forsaken reason? Then I’m all in. If he wants me to leave and never come back, he has more than earned the right to expect that of me and I will do it.” He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry at the thought. He wasn’t sure if he was even convincing himself, but it was true.“Go interrogate Dick if you don’t believe me.”

Bruce made a tiny facial expression that Jason translated as discomfort.

“Goddamn it, old man. If you’re going to attempt more input into Dick's well-being you’re going to have to get over the sex thing. I know It’s not what any parent wants to deal with, but Dick’s not particularly subtle with his sexuality any more. He’s said things about people that I wish I could wipe from my memory, but you just have to learn how to deal with it. You have to, Bruce.”

“What people?” Bruce asked dubiously, and in Jason’s opinion, foolishly.

“Shall I start with Talia and move smoothly through to Slade Wilson? Not enough brain bleach in the world for that one.”

Bruce made another tiny facial expression. Horror, maybe disgust, Jason decided this time.

“Yeah. It’s gross, but it’s just part of who he is. We all have those nasty thoughts, it’s just his follow through and come out his mouth.”

There was a new expression on Bruce's face, but Jason couldn’t quite identify it. He shifted awkwardly and wished he didn’t have to have these kind of discussions when he was in his underwear in bed, it made him feel vulnerable.

Bruce leaned forward a fraction of an inch and steepled his fingers together “So, Jason,” he said, voice even, like the uncomfortable conversation they had just shared had happened in some alternate dimension. “What do you suggest Dick needs?”

This was a test. Bruce was clearly waiting to trap him in some way. But Jason was so over jumping through hoops for people. And he was kind of done with lying, even through omission. The past six months had more than taught him how toxic that shit could be. So the truth it was.

“What Dick needs , Bruce, first and foremost is his family, his friends and community. Hell, despite his very obvious problems with verbal diarrhoea, he’s still somehow making friends. Ms Singh from number 29 barely speaks English but they still manage to hang out. He even charmed her over-protective grandson into parrot sitting once. Did you know Dick speaks passable Urdu? Apparently it’s similar enough to Hindi to communicate.”

Bruce smiled slightly, a tiny twitch of his lips, “He has always had a head for languages.”

“It’s a very Dick thing to be good at,” Jason felt his own lips curve up into a wry smile.

“So you’re suggesting I spend more down time with him?”

“Yeah, but not too much. You know you’ll just fight like you always do. But he needs more than your company, he needs you to be open with him. Show you love him, but tell him too. You remember that time you came over after the vet stabbing incident and he told you he loved you?”

“I do. I didn’t realise you had heard that conversation.”

“I was flat out on the sofa, I heard it all. Anyway, when we spoke after and he was confused because he thought he told you that he loved you all time. That disconnect was disturbing to him. He needs to know that expressing himself is okay, he needs to know where his boundaries are and he needs to know that people still love him, even when he says Slade Wilson is the hottest villain he knows. Which is wrong on so many levels it’s nearly a disowning offence.”

While he watched Bruce struggle through another small facial tic of horror, it occurred to Jason that this could be the thing that finally mended the rift between Dick and Bruce, the one that had been there before Jason had come into the picture and put on the pixie boots. The love between them was obvious and strong, despite their tendency to come to blows over the simplest of things. It was the source of so much of Jason's jealousy when he was younger, and if he was honest with himself, now too. Maybe Tim was onto something when he said they had gained as well as lost.

Bruce remained silent, he seemed to be digesting Jason’s words rather than tearing into him for speaking his mind, so he figured he could push his luck a little. “On top of that, he needs proper help, his wild emotions and violent responses hurt him more than they ever hurt me. He needs to feel in control of his actions again. I know a little something about that myself,” he admitted ruefully.

Bruce was staring at him, another one of those inscrutable expressions on his face. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Of course I fucking do! That’s the whole point, Bruce!”

“Be that as it may, my opinion about your relationship hasn’t changed, Jason. I think it’s unhealthy and morally ambiguous at best.”

“You’re going to lecture me about moral ambiguity? You ? Who has been banging Catwoman, and Talia Al Ghul for fucksake? And God knows who else, you do seem to have a thing for the villains. And it seems to have rubbed off on Dick some, what with his currant weird fixation with Deathstroke. It’s no surprise that he’s latched onto me too.”’

Bruce was scowling at him, but then seemed to get his emotions in check. He drew in a tired sounding breath and rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not because you’re a ‘villain,’ Jason, although all our lives would be easier if you stopped killing people. My life would be much less morally conflicted if you did.”

“Because you want to put me in jail?”

“Because the law is for everyone. And yes,” Bruce held up a hand to stop Jason's retort. “Yes, I know we also break the law, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. I don’t want you to go to jail, but if you murder people in cold blood, then I am obligated to put you there.”

“But now you won’t because it will piss Dick off, and you wouldn’t want that.”

“Talking with you is an exercise in frustration.”

Jason was kind of impressed that he could still make Bruce get the particular look of aggravation on his face. Alfred and Dick used to refer to it as the ‘Jay special.’

Bruce drew in another calming breath and continued in a surprisingly measured tone. “Even so, that was not the point I was going to make. It’s not about your status as a ‘criminal.’”

Jason could hear the quote marks and it made him seethe. But he miraculously managed to hold his tongue.

Bruce leant forward again, face serious. “It’s because A. Dick is your adopted brother, and that doesn't sit well with me, and won’t sit well with the rest of the League or anyone else. And B. he has brain damage. I'm not sure how much he can consent to this. I don’t think it would have happened at all if he hadn’t been injured.”

Jason sat straighter and placed his foot on the floor, covering his stump with the blanket. “Okay, let’s start with point A, before I ream you the fuck out over point B.”

Bruce mirrored Jason's position. A challenge, the prick. Jason wanted nothing more than to go to to toe with him, but he could hardly do that when he couldn’t stand unaided and his prosthetic was the other side of the room.

“If Dick was banging Tim, or Cass, that would be one thing. But me? We spent time together before I died, sure, but it wasn’t brotherly, it might have become that, if things had been different, but that wasn’t the way the dice fell. It’s more like if two overly competitive childhood friends hooked up. And we didn't even spend that much time together out of uniform, you made damn sure of that by constantly comparing us. You made me feel inferior, so I resented him. You made him feel like he was being replaced as your son as well as Robin so he resented me. That was fucking shit, B, you fucked us over good.”

Bruce opened his mouth, but Jason waved him off, he was warming to his rant now. “And I don’t give a fuck what you or the League or the papers think about it. Jason Todd, adopted son of Bruce Wayne, died . I don’t have a legal name any more, not one that’s actually mine. And you didn’t even adopt Dick until he was twenty! So in the eyes of the law,  we ain't even related.”

He sat back to watch Bruce sort through that. Disappointingly, he was keeping his face tightly controlled, with none of his usual tells on display.

“And the second issue?” Bruce asked, after a moment.

Jason held back the smug smile that wanted to creep onto his face. He had so won that round.  “Are you going to ban Dick from having relationships or sex of any kind?”

Bruce looked vaguely constipated, his eyes narrowing  with realisation of where this was going to go, but he said nothing, so Jason continued, “Just because he has brain damage, doesn't mean he’s not a person who has needs and wants. And what he really wants, is much the same as it has always been – a strong and sappy romantic relationship – and sex has always been a part of that for him. You can’t deny him that. You didn’t like Kory, but you couldn't stop him having a relationship with her. And you can’t choose for him now, either. He’s not a drooling vegetable, he can make his own decisions, although they are often impulsive and stupid, to be fair.”

Bruce digested that for a moment, while Jason resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. He wished he had his prosthetic on, he felt vulnerable without it.

“You’ve changed, Jason,” Bruce said at last.

Jason scoffed. “No I haven’t, you’re just seeing me different.”

Bruce stood, and Jason tensed, but there was no threat in his posture or face, so he forced himself to relax slightly.

“That may be true, too. But you have changed,” Bruce said, he picked up the prosthetic and lay it next to Jason's bed.

“I haven't,” Jason said stubbornly.

“You have.”

“Have not!” This was a game Bruce would play with him as a kid, when Jason was attempting to bullshit his way into doing something stupid, like going on patrol with stomach flu. It was bittersweet now.

Bruce's lips twitched again. “Well, maybe not completely. But you have grown, we would never have been able to have this conversation six months ago.”

“I’ve had a crash course in controlling my temper. It hardly counts as amazing personal growth.”

“You still can’t take a compliment.”

“You still haven't given me one.”

Bruce sighed, but he still seemed amused. “Why must my family all be so stubborn?” he mused as he headed for the door.

“Karma,” Jason muttered, loudly.  Trying not to show his emotions on his face.

“Well, be that as it may, consider this your compliment: Your insight into Dick’s needs and behaviour and your obvious… affection for him, does you a great deal of credit. Rest now. I will think on what you’ve said, and speak to Dick when he wakes up.”

“Okay,” Jason said, stupidly.

  Jason was left feeling conflicted. There was a measure of forgiveness there, but the anger was also still simmering. Neither of them had apologised for the hurtful words said before – which in Jason's opinion meant they were still out there, festering. And Bruce was never going to be okay with this relationship, that much was obvious. Jason could live with that, but could Dick? Would they even be a relationship after the dust settled?

Feeling suddenly anxious Jason slipped to edge of the bed and began putting on his new prosthetic. It was a perfect fit, and instantly made him feel more centred. So much so he didn't even panic when the door opened while he was still in his shorts, contemplating his new leg.

“Hey,” Tim said, pushing into the room without even a by your leave. He was carrying two steaming mugs in his hands though, so Jason was inclined to forgive him.

“Earl Grey with milk, you heathen,” Tim said, handing over the cup of tea in his right hand and casually sitting in the chair Bruce had vacated.

“Thanks.” Jason casually attempted to put his pants on, without looking like he was flustered. Tim just sipped his tea impassively. “I thought you were grounded?” Jason asked.

Tim shrugged. “He’s not the boss of me.”

“Yes he is, you breaking the rules to come see me?”

Tim sniffed. “It’s hardly breaking the rules if it’s still within the house I live in.  That went okay didn’t it?” He looked mildly smug.  

“You were watching,” Jason said flatly. Because of course he was.

“Surveillance is how we show love.”

“Yeah? Well it’s creepy and weird.”

Tim just lifted a casual shoulder. “What now?”

Good question. Jason didn’t want to stay here and he didn’t want to be alone, alone he would start thinking about the things Bruce had said. Whether he was just lashing, out or if his words had come from the heart, didn’t matter, some of that shit had cut deep. “You missed the first show down,” Jason said, following his own line of thought. “It wasn’t so nice.”

“You know he probably didn’t mean anything awful he said. He loves you.”

“ Loved me. Young, starry-eyed me. Not the person I am now, not the fuck up screwing his favourite son. Or trying to anyway.”

Tim made a moue of distaste, but didn’t otherwise comment on the sex thing. “He finds you hard to deal with – hard to categorize. You make him feel very conflicted emotions so he responds aggressively. Dick does the same thing when he’s wound up. Even before the head injury it could be brutal.”

“Yeah, B didn’t like that comparison.”

“You do like to go the hard route don’t you?”

“Seems to be that way. Anyway, I guess I can’t do much except leave. I agree with Bruce when he suggests me and Dick spend some time apart. So I need to see if he wants the apartment. I have other places I can go.”

Tim’s brows drew down, and his mouth opened, to give some, no doubt infuriatingly good advice, when he was cut off by a screech from the hall.

“ Clunk fizz! ” That ear-splitting yell was followed up by some scuffling and a cry of, “Fucknugget!”

Tim and Jason looked at each other of a moment, before getting up and heading to the door. Jason opened it to find PB looking shifty and slightly ruffled. Behind him, the huge, hulking form of Titus was staring at him intently, his ears pricked forward and his head cocked curiously.

“Motherfucker,” PB tried, eyeing Titus suspiciously.

Titus gave a soft, ‘woof’ and wagged his tail.

“Made a friend, PB?” Jason asked, as the parrot sidled over and began climbing his pant leg.

“Motherfucker,” PB said again.

“ Woof ,” Titus said.

“I think they're communicating,” Tim was still sipping his tea, and looked very amused.

“Yeah, it’s like fucking Disney in here.” If PB was wandering the halls, where was Dick? There was never a freaking moment of downtime in Jason's life, what with Dick and the Parrot and his high maintenance family. “Do you think we need to mount a search party?” he asked.

“No, Dick is with B, they probably left the door open. PB isn’t a big fan of his namesake, so maybe he slipped out to come and complain about it to you.”

“Is that what happened?” Jason asked the bird, looking into his beady eye as he perched on his shoulder. He belatedly realised he must sound like an idiot, asking a bird a question like he was expecting an answer.

“Motherfucker,” PB told him, sullenly.

“ Woof !” Titus wagged his tail again.

“Okay then,” Jason said. “I’m going the fuck back to bed.”

  Jason next woke as the bed shifted beside him. A moment of panic was followed by recognition.

“Hey, Dick.”

“Hey, Jay.” Dick reached out and ran gentle fingers over the bruises on Jason’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Jason closed his eyes, but otherwise remained still under the caressing touch. “You have nothing to be sorry for. And I have too much. I would give my life to take it back.”

“I know. I know you regret what happened. I just wished you would have told me sooner. And I wish I had better control of how I react to things. I can’t stand this violence in me.”

“I deserved it.”

“Yeah, maybe you did, in theory. But not in practice. It’s the last thing in the world I want to do. I was mad enough I could have killed you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“This time.”

Jason wanted to protest that, but there was truth in it. He could hold his own in a fight against Dick, he would probably lose, but he could defend himself. But if Dick had taken a gun out and threatened to shoot him, he would have let him. And as ridiculously unlikely as that particular scenario was, the emotional clusterfuck behind it was dangerous, for both of them.

“I think it’s a good idea if I stay here for a while,” Dick said, quietly.

Jason was glad of the darkness in the room, he didn’t think he would be able to hide the pain on his face otherwise. “You can take the apartment,” he said, and he thought his voice sounded mostly impassive.

“I don’t need it. Bruce is getting me some specialist help. Lots of it apparently, and time apart is a good idea. I need to process and learn to control my feelings more.”

“You can still have the apartment, though. It wouldn't feel right staying in it without you.” He didn’t think he could stand it, being there alone and knowing how he had fucked up their lives, how he had fucked up this stupid relationship, which was always destined to be a disaster. God, he felt like shit.  

Dick poked him on his bruised cheekbone. “Why do you sound so weird, do you have a cold coming on? Or did I break your nose? Anyway, you may as well stay, it has all your cripple gear already there, and that’s harder to move than my brain damage stuff.”

Despite himself, and his regret and guilt and grief, Jason snorted with laughter. Cripple gear and brain-damage stuff? Such a Dick thing to say, in both senses of the word.

“And anyway,” Dick said, poking him again, “It won’t be forever, I can come visit, and I’ll move back eventually.”

That was unexpected and let in a flood of glorious hope. Confusion and hope were uncomfortable bedfellows and Jason reached out and grabbed Dick’s fingers “You’re coming back?”

“Er, yeah?”  Dick sounded perplexed. “That is, if you want me to?”

Jason leaned to the side and switched the bedside lamp on, blinking at Dick in the sudden light. “So you’re just staying here for therapy? You’re not actually breaking up with me? I kind of need you to clarify.”

“Break up with you? Over a bit of violence and being blown up? Nah.” Dick pushed at him, “Shove over, there’s room in here for two.”

“Fucknugget.”

“Sorry, PB. Room in here for three.”

Jason sighed and shuffled over a bit, laying back and looking at the ceiling. It was the same as it had been when he was a kid. The whole room was kind of stuck in time. But everything else about the boy he had been had changed, was still changing. He wasn’t sure how he felt about those shifts yet. Dick pulled back the covers and let in all the chill air before clambering in beside him. PB walked across Jason’s face and over to Dick, who scooped him up and cuddled him like he was a fluffy kitten and not a half bald dinorat.

“So no, I don’t want to break up with you, Jason.” Dick said, after a moment. “I just need a little distance to get my head on straight.”

“Why wouldn’t you though?” Jason asked, baffled. “After everything?”

“Because I am totally and disgustingly in love with you, you dope.”

“Oh,” Jason said.

Dick snorted. “Oh he says, oh . Romance is not your strong suit is it? Nor is sex really, I guess, but I’m sure we can work on it.”

“Yeah thanks for that, Dickface.”

“For what?”

“Never mind. Bruce is going to have an aneurysm if he catches you in my bed tomorrow.”

“Don’t care.”

“You’re a rebel.”

Dick leaned over and kissed him on the nose. “I’m the original rebel wonder, don’t n ya know.”

“I did it better.” Jason was aware there was a dopey smile on his face but he couldn’t seem to tramp it down.

Dick waved an imperious hand above their heads. “You died, so it doesn’t count.”

“Ass,”

“Cooter flooter.”

“That’s still not a thing, Dick. Stop trying to make cooter flooter happen.”

“I can’t believe you’ve seen mean girls!” Dick said, delighted.

Jason decided not to remind him that they had in fact watched it together, not that long ago. The occasional gaps in Dick’s memory still upset him and Jason didn’t want to ruin this moment.

Dick snuggled down and into Jason’s space, so they were sharing the pillow. Unlike the first few times it had happened, having Dick invade his personal bubble felt pleasant and something in his chest loosened a little.

“I’m going to see the social worker tomorrow. Will you come too?” Dick asked.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” Jason said, and he could hear the whine in his own voice. He hated that sanctimonious asshat.

“Will you?”

“I guess, if I have to.” He would do whatever it took. But he didn’t have to like it.

“Because you love me too?”

“I guess, for my sins,” Jason sighed after a moment. God knows how it had happened, but he was kind of disgustingly, stupidly in love right back.

“You say the sweetest things,” Dick said with a smile in his voice.

“I know I do, I’m charming that way.”

“Anything to add, PB?” Dick asked. “Do you love us too?”

PB seemed to think about that for a moment, then ruffled his feathers and settled down on the pillow. “ Woof ,” he said, decisively.

Dick chuckled, the sound reverberating through Jason’s body, it felt good and he grinned into the darkness. He was missing a leg, and a working penis, but he had Dick and PB and Tim and some sort of semi truce with B. All things considered things were actually pretty awesome. There was still a long way to go, but he felt at peace and more hopeful than he probably had a right to be.

END NOTES:

So thats a wrap... mostly. I know some people are dying to know if Jason regains full use of his penis, so there is a follow up fic in the works (after this years Xmas exchange has been written.) Tentatively titled:

36 Times Jason and Dick Attempted to Have Sex (and mostly failed)

It will no doubt be very silly and contain gratuitous parrots.

Thanks again! <3

[cantujordan91]

21 Days To Save Your Marriage Staggering Cool Tips

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[chimerafeathers]

just wanted to write out a bunch of My Hero thoughts/opinions because idk anybody else who watches it (or who would want to), but i don't really want to get into deep enough into the fandom to see the #drama

so, a bunch of random shit in no particular order:

- this is more about my relationship with anime in general but.... i always feel like i need to put a disclaimer on My Anime Opinions because of the perviness and fanservice and sexualization. it’s frustrating because the “shounen” genre (and yeah i know it’s not exactly a genre. whatever) caters to my interests in so many other ways!!! big, flashy battles, cool powers and magic systems, huge emphasis on The Power of Friendship, cheesy humor, great animation, everything is all kinds of HYPE and EXCITEMENT and FUN....but since shows like this are targeted towards teenage boys and often made by horny men, there’s also Boobs and token pervert characters that serve as an excuse to show More Boobs or Fantasize About Boobs. and the women’s powers are either “look i’m a girl!!!” (there were a couple of women early on in hunter x hunter whose powers were....sewing and vacuuming?? seriously??? and then another one later on who was an older woman who chose to make herself look like a little girl as her superpower??) or “what’s a power-related excuse to make these costumes As Skimpy As Possible” (cough cough Momo and Hagakure cough cough) or even having NO excuse (what the fuck, Bubble Girl, i know it was a fan design contest thing but that never should have been accepted it makes no sense i--) and that’s. really damn tiring and annoying. mha hasn’t quite crossed the line for me yet overall -- meaning my disgust with grape trash and other gross tropes hasn’t outweighed my enjoyment of every other aspect of the story and characters, and i hope that never becomes the case. (i tried to watch 7 deadly sins on netflix and??? the main character gropes an unconscious woman in literally the first episode with no consequences???? no fucking thank you!!!!! i’m OUT)

- anyway if anybody reads this and has any show recs that hit that Good Shounen Hype vibe with good animation, fantasy/sci-fi/superpower elements, but minimal (or nonexistent??) Creep Vibes, please send them my way. i know there are a bunch of good slice-of-life or comedy or drama shows that have queer themes and sensitive storytelling but man.....if there’s no magic or dragons what’s even the POINT

- on a related note, god fucking bless every “AU - M!neta M!norou Doesn’t Exist” fic on ao3, and everyone who makes every member of class 1-a queer in some way or another, so i can get my cool powers and great characters and dramatic plots without the threat of disgust and frustration

- also i just read the School Briefs series and while there were entirely too many chapters/sections that focused on grape trash, it WAS mentioned that Tiger of the Wild Wild Pussycats is canonically a trans man (who hasn’t been killed off!), and Shinso Hitoshi became the only man at UA I respect with one line: “He’s gotta be expelled for sexual harassment one of these days, right?”

- seriously, if shinso’s transfer gets approved i would literally rather have grape trash expelled than whoever ends up being the traitor (if it’s a hero course student. i honestly don’t really care about traitor speculation/theories).

- and yes “only man i respect” includes aizawa and every other 1-a boy who just!! lets shit happen with barely a comment!!! again, bless every fic where grape trash gets expelled early on or at the training camp because Hey, What He Does Is Fucked Up Actually and maybe someone who consistently disrespects and violates his peers’ boundaries and privacy shouldn’t be accepted as a HERO without getting some behavioral therapy first???? same kinda goes for bakugo too though, they really need to address his anger issues and beef with mido beyond “let’s force them to team up in high-stress situations even though this boy basically tried to obliterate the other one on, like, the second day of class. they’ll probably work it out!!”

- and on the subject of bakugo! i really fucking can’t ship him romantically with mido as their history and relationship stands in canon. (this is not meant to shame anybody for shipping it, i just want to articulate why it’s a notp for me personally. expressing my opinions is the point of this list.) i can see the foundations -- mido obsessed with baku, baku constantly frustrated by yet aware of mido, both of them being drawn to each other and tangled up in each other’s ideas of what it means to be a hero. but. baku made mido’s entire childhood hell. rejected and abused him for something he couldn’t control, ostracized him from all of his peers, mocked his passions, crushed his dreams, told him to jump off a roof. of course mido still clung to him--baku’s strong and smart and talented, and he was the only friend mido ever had, the only friend he had left, the “hero” he could see in his own life.

but at UA he has other friends, other heroes, people who support him and believe in him. it’s his chance to step outside of baku’s shadow and see his own self worth. and it’s baku’s chance to see how wrong he was, and outgrow his anger and prejudice!! see others as his equals instead of his inferiors! but it’s gonna take years for that to happen for both of them, and while i can see them becoming partners and friends who can finally talk to each other on the same level, and work together better than anyone because they know each other so damn well after everything they went through....i think they need to do that healing and growth separately, for the most part.

and like...okay, disclaimer, i am fully asexual and aromantic, so while i love reading shippy fics, there are some things i just cannot fucking understand or relate to. the whole “sexual tension between people who hate each other but can’t stop thinking about each other” or “arguments turn into make-out sessions” thing is just beyond me. if i hate a person i Do Not Want to be around them! at all!! so the idea that baku treats mido like that BECAUSE he’s attracted to him?? incomprehensible.

and on mido’s end, no matter how much he respects or admires baku, or even if he was endlessly infatuated with/attracted to him when they were younger, why the FUCK would he want to stay with someone who made him feel like dirt for so long, when he’s finally surrounded by people who love him fully and unapologetically? i want him to have more self-respect than that. i honestly, truly want to see baku grow and develop to the extent that he and mido can stand on the same level as equals. i want to see mido unashamed and unafraid, i want baku to apologize and mean it, i want mido to forgive him, i want baku to become the kind of hero mido always believed he could be.

but to me, that depth and complexity of relationship (while very very very good!!) is NOT the same thing as a romance, and turning it into one feels wrong when the foundations of it are just....baku tormenting mido, while mido had nothing and no one else to turn to. (his mom is great, but a parent is not the same as a friend, and she was literally the only person in his life who cared about him while baku and his cronies were beating him up and ridiculing him in front of teachers who turned a blind eye.) if they had been equal rivals from the beginning, with mido able to hold his own physically, socially, and/or emotionally instead of being left bruised and battered in the dirt every time, then sure! rivals to lovers, have at it. but for me, there’s gotta be that give-and-take.

i haven’t read shippy fic for those two and i’m sure there’s a lot of great stuff!! i’ve read platonic bk//dk-centric fic by writers who DO ship them and write mostly shippy stuff, and their take on that relationship is great and engaging and everything. but i feel like, to me, even when the growth and development of their canon-based relationship is handled really well, it’d feel wrong to me as soon as it turned romantic.

- .....which is one of the reasons why todo//mido is my JAM. bonding over shared loneliness and trauma, respecting each other as rivals right from the beginning, the contrast of chatty and sunny mido with quiet and calm todo, hurt/comfort on both sides, navigating their relationships with the people who have hurt them so much in the past, the capacity to be gentle and tender with each other while remaining passionate and dedicated rivals, growing and healing together, that good good Pining because neither one of them believes that they deserve the other, all of it!!! now THAT i can relate to and understand and see as the basis for romance. mido changed todo’s whole damn worldview in ONE FIGHT after todo spilled his whole tragic backstory to mido in their second conversation.

even so (and again, this might be ace/aro me not relating) i kinda roll my eyes whenever a fic emphasizes how attractive they find each other right away (especially on todo’s end, when mido is consistently described as plain or unremarkable). worst offenders are when they ~just so happen~ to be EXACTLY each other’s “type.” like, alright, sure, i gUESS.

it’s just so much more interesting to me if attraction follows affection instead of the other way around? especially in the context of canon events. but whatever, love at first sight’s just not my thing. never has been. and i like the idea that even though the start of their friendship is so chaotic and rushed in some ways, it still takes them time to get to know each other and come to terms with their own feelings. (slow burn slow burn SLOW BURN)

- okay those are all my more sincere/serious opinions

- i know canon is like “stop being such a crybaby :/” but mido crying all the time is one of my favorite things about him and i hope it never goes away, at least not completely

- some fics have mido getting growth spurts and getting really tall, and it’s an anime trope that getting taller parallels character growth/maturity (like Ed growing up in FMA after being short and mad about it was one of his defining characteristics for so long) but again......i just want him to stay short....please let my boy stay a small overemotional nerd.... hori please i’m begging you

-  it’s hilarious to me that the “dabi is a todoroki” theory is present in almost every single damn fic where that character makes an appearance. personally i have no stake in the theory (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, wouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t) but i feel like it’s never gonna die even after his identity is truly revealed

- apparently shinso/kami is a decently popular ship and i.....have no idea if those two have ever interacted at all?? did they talk to each other in the show or in the manga or some side story and i missed it? are they popular JUST because they parallel eraser//mic to some extent??? or is it purely a case of “those personalities would be fun together--SHIP TIME”?? idk i don’t get it but it’s funny

- back to School Briefs, there’s a neat Kendo-centric chapter during the school festival that ends up being an introspective on kendo’s relationship with her own gender and the idea of performing femininity for the beauty pageant and it kind of rules??

- there’s also an entire chapter from the pov of koda’s bunny during their first couple days in the dorms. apparently koda can’t understand animals, he can just control them by talking to them!

- in shinso’s chapter he overhears the dance squad talking about the sports festival and he hears mido talk about how useful and great shinso’s quirk will be for hero work and shinso’s like “!!! thank you???? finally???” and then resolves to get stronger and make it into the hero course before they meet again

- during the school festival when mido ran off to make eri’s candy apples, iida and todo were like “is he running into trouble again?? can he PLEASE tell us where he’s going? we would track his phone but he never brings it with him anyways!!! what are we supposed to do about him!!!!” and then they found out what he was doing and went “oh ;u;”

- School Briefs in general (minus grape trash sections) were exactly the kind of “slice of life but there are superpowers” fluffy nonsense i always crave, would recommend

- also hilarious: baby mido in fic (especially de-aging fic) is often either a) the Most Precious Sunshine Child in Existence, even villains can’t help but adore him, or b) the most obnoxious, borderline-creepy, whiny little brat in existence, No Wonder Baku Couldn’t Stand Him. i imagine the “reality” would fall somewhere in the middle and it’s always a little jarring when authors so solidly fall on one extreme or the other lmfao

- just bnha fanfic things: “is this an intentional use of All for One vs One for All or was it a typo/mistake on the author’s part??”

- that’s all i’ve got for now yall i love these characters

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

The Punisher season 2 review

The Punisher season 2 was released 18 January and since I’ve finally finished watching it I thought I’d share my thoughts about the season. 

First of all, I should say that I’m new to The Punisher, and watched both seasons within a week of each other, so there’ll some mentions/comparisons between the two seasons since they’re both fresh in my mind. This will also be a critical review (it’s not very positive towards Billy Russo, Krista Dumont, Amy Bendix and a teeny bit negative about Kastle - more about the way they were written than the ship itself) that analyses the writing of the characters and plots.

On a whole The Punisher is inconsistent across both its seasons. It has brilliant, compelling episodes that have you on the edge of your seat, laughing and crying all within the space of 50 minutes, but likewise there are some episodes that lack in substance, are slow paced and not very engaging. Season 2 is no exception to that. Whilst the first episode of the season started out strong (it was by far one of my favourites of the season) and the finale was equally strong, the episodes in between were a very mixed bag. So I thought I’d sum up what I liked and didn’t like about the season, like a pros and cons list of sorts. 

What I liked about season 2: 

JON FREAKIN’ BERNTHAL - This man is a God. I cannot praise his performance of Frank enough. He devotes every piece of his heart and soul to being Frank Castle (this is a man who does all of his own stunts and broke his hand on one of the first days of filming season 2 whilst doing a stunt, but was so dedicated that he continued performing stunts with a mangled hand because he didn’t want to stop working) and it really shows. His on-screen presence is magnificent, he’s captivating, exhilarating and captures the rage, brutality, vulnerability, grief, empathy and hopelessness that’s inside Frank. Frank’s character and Jon’s performance is what holds the show together and makes it what it is. I’m not ashamed to admit that he’s 99% of the reason that I continued watching until the end of season 2 and he deserves to win all of the awards for his memorable performance. (Unfortunately, Jon has been held back by not-so-good writing which prevents him from going even further with in the role, which I’ll discuss more later).

The first episode of the season - I’ve seen mixed opinions about the first episode of season 2 ‘Roadhouse Blues’, but I loved it. It was the perfect place to pick up after where we left Frank in season 1. His main mission - to kill the men responsible for the deaths of his family - was complete and he was faced with the prospect of trying to rebuild his life in the absence of a war. It was good to see Frank just be Frank for five minutes, have a drink in a bar, listen to a band play and flirt with a pretty woman. This episode felt like fantastic character development to me, because Frank spent the entirety of season 1 consumed with war and the season ended with the realisation that he needed to try and start moving forward from that and begin the healing process. Beth was clearly not going to be a serious love interest, she was simply a nice person who Frank connected with and with whom he could ease the loneliness that plagues him. It would be detrimental to Frank’s characterisation to deprive him of this kind of intimacy, because it’s part of what prevents him from being happy - his inability to let anyone get close to him, particularly in a romantic/sexual context, because of his intense love for Maria and fear of harm coming to anyone that gets close to him. It was also nice to see Frank interact with Beth’s son because Frank comes to life whenever he’s around kids. It really serves as a reminder as to how much of a brilliant father it was and how heartbreaking it is that he will never have a chance to have that interaction with his own children. But of course, there was sprinklings of the big bad Punisher. The introduction of Amy, and Frank’s rampage in saving her life, contradicted the development Frank seemed to be going through in the rest of the episode, but was very fitting. Beth getting hurt confirmed Frank’s fears that anybody that gets close to him is in danger, but we all knew that he couldn’t just give up his lifestyle as the Punisher because that’s come to be his purpose and driving force in life. Like Amy said, it was like he was looking for an excuse to swoop in, save the day and embark on another war. It might have been nice for Frank to have some normality for a while, but he still wasn’t ready to truly move forward from being the Punisher. Overall, this episode was great and a very strong start to the season. It also perfectly demonstrated a key theme of The Punisher - the internal war inside Frank about whether he should fully embrace being the Punisher or give it up. 

Frank and Madani’s friendship - I loved seeing the evolving dynamic between Frank and Madani. Whilst they were kind of allies in season 1, this season built upon that a lot and created a very endearing friendship between two unlikely characters. The traumas they faced with Billy bonded them and it was fascinating to see Madani’s character development in trying to navigate her loyalties to her job and Frank. Madani’s a very moral character who strongly believes in justice, and aiding Frank both affirms those beliefs and contradicts them. On the one hand, Frank’s moral code is very similar to Madani’s except that he operates outside the boundaries of the law, but on the other, there’s no escaping that Frank’s a criminal. I enjoyed seeing how fiercely she defended Frank and that she never even doubted Frank when it came to the murder of those three women. She knew immediately that Frank wouldn’t have done that and it was a testament to how well she has come to know him and how much she believes in what he does. If there’s a season 3, I hope to see more of their friendship. 

Curtis/Frank and Curtis’ friendship - Curtis is a great character who balances out the brutality and darkness of the other characters. He has a pure heart and good intentions, and it was wonderful to see more of him in season 2. His friendship with Frank was a particularly important facet of the season (as it was in season 1), because Curt felt like the only true friendship and connection that Frank had. Although he also had Madani and Amy, Curt was the only one who he has a long history with and their interactions showed that depth of history and bond that they share. It’s a shame we didn’t get to know more about Curtis as a character e.g. more about his back-story and personal experiences, but I enjoyed seeing so much of him in season 2. 

Action scenes - Season 2 definitely wasn’t as brutal as season 1, but there were still some great action scenes in there that make The Punisher what it is. Although the action isn’t the primary reason I watch (I know it is for a lot of people, particularly male fans), the show wouldn’t be what it is without the violence. Jon commitment to doing all of his own stunts only improves the action scenes since we can physically see that Frank is fighting (unlike BTVS where I’m taken out of the moment of a fight by the vision of some random stunt woman in SMG’s place). Also, this is slightly off topic but if Frank were a real live man, he would be completely dead. How could any man receive the brutal beatings he does and survive, let alone be well enough to go back out the next day and get into another fight?

I wanted to find pick out more aspects of season 2 that I enjoyed, but unfortunately, I couldn’t. The shipper in me loved the scenes we got between Frank and Karen in 2x11 ‘The Abyss’ and were everything I wanted to see, but I was unable to fully enjoy them because the way in which they were written felt like fan-service. Karen was absent from the entirety of season 2 (she was only mentioned once in the first episode by Frank) and as far as we were aware Frank had had no communication with her since the events of 1x10 ‘Virtue of the Vicious’ which I assume was a few months before the start of season 2. So to bring Karen in like that for one episode and have those very intense scenes with Frank felt...out of place. Plus, she disappeared again immediately afterwards without even another mention. I know this issue was likely because of Deborah’s commitments to filming The Defenders at the same time that season 2 was being filmed, but even if Deborah couldn’t physically feature on episodes, Karen could’ve been more present on the show through references from Frank, whether that was simply talking about her in general conversation or mentioning that he’d been in touch with her (or even a two minute phone call where Deborah wouldn’t necessarily had to of been on-screen) and then her appearance wouldn’t have felt quite so sudden. 

What I disliked about season 2:

The wacky timeline - Season 1 had a decent amount of flashbacks, but the timeline of season 2 felt incredibly disjointed and seemed to jump back and fourth incoherently. This was a particular problem with Billy whose flashbacks and timelines didn’t seem to fit with the events of the rest of the show. 

The pacing - It’s true that season 1 suffered from pacing issues (largely because the plots that are created on the show aren’t enough to maintain 13 50 minute episodes of television), but season 2 suffered from bad pacing on a grander scale. Some of the episodes felt like they were entirely made up of filler and there were plenty of times where I was on my phone or laptop whilst watching and still didn’t miss much of anything. 

The main plot(s) - I know I’m not the only one that struggled, but I just didn’t even follow the plot this season. Once again this comes back to the lack of coherence overall. The Pilgrim plot seemed to be thrown in haphazardly alongside the Billy-Krista plot and there was no connection between the two. Although it’s common for shows to have an overarching plot and then one or two smaller sub-plots, the way the plots were executed just didn’t work. One moment the emphasis was almost entirely on Billy and the next it was on Pilgrim. Episode 10 ‘The Dark Hearts of Men’ really emphasised this issue. The primary focus was on Frank and Curt staking out Russo’s hideout, and so the scenes with Pilgrim spinning off the deep end with alcohol and drugs felt completely irrelevant and disjointed. The scenes between Madani and Krista were important to revealing Billy’s plans, but they also felt disjointed, particularly since it was unclear those scenes were a flashback until the very end of the episode. This kind of incoherence was really one of the main issues I had with season 2 overall.

Krista Dumont - I really didn’t like Krista’s character or the part she played in the season. She was unlikeable, she had way too much focus for a new character and the manipulative psychologist trope is so cliche. I’d like to believe that someone so obviously corrupt and unstable as Krista wouldn’t be granted access to vulnerable people like Billy. Billy was lost and broken at the start of the season, he didn’t know where to turn and Krista used her influence over him to push him over to the dark side. One might argue Billy would have gone over to the dark side anyway since that’s the nature of his character, but nonetheless Krista was still a huge influence on Billy. Her relationship with Billy was cringey and unappealing. Billy’s arc would’ve been so much better if she hadn’t of been a part of it. Any attempts to make her sympathetic through her relationship with Billy, her scars or her phobias of heights/windows completely failed, yet the writing didn’t go far enough to portray her as a villain. Overall, she was a very unwelcome addition to the season and I’m sure I’m not the only one that was just waiting for her to disappear from the screen each time she came on. 

Billy’s arc - Billy was an interesting character, a great villain and I loved his arc in season 1, but in season 2 it was awful. It felt like Billy’s story had already run its course in season 1 (I think it would’ve been more fitting if Frank had killed him at the end of season 1) and the result was that his entire arc was very repetitive and dull. Whilst I appreciate the shows exploration of mental health (which it does better than many shows I’ve watched), it was boring to watch endless scenes of Billy chatting with Krista. In addition, his facial disfigurement wasn’t severe enough or explored enough. The purpose of Frank mashing his face into the mirror was to take away his beauty, destroy his self-image, give an external visual of his internal ugliness and serve as a reminder of the awful betrayal he committed against Frank and his family. Unfortunately, by wiping Billy’s memories that impact was completely lost and too much time was wasted trying to help Billy retrieve his memories rather than exploring the complex issues of his psyche. His arc also seemed to jump all over the place. I’ve already mentioned the continuity issues with the timeline, but his motivations were also incredibly spotty. He got out of hospital and the first thing he did was kill the man that abused him as a child but why? Since he couldn’t remember the events of season 1 he was no longer out to get Frank, but it still didn’t make sense that he would revert to wanting to kill that man. Presumably he had years to do that, why now? Then he suddenly recruited a bunch of veterans and convinced them it was a good idea to go around the city committing acts of mindless violence and crime. Why? When he found out Frank was the one responsible for nearly killing him his motives switched to wanting to destroy Frank, which was understandable and his method of doing that (making Frank think he’d killed three innocent women) was very effective. Unfortunately, Billy’s characterisation and arc was so jumpy that it lacked any real impact. When Frank finally killed him in the final episode all I felt was relief that he was gone. And not because he was a villain or because of the awful things he’d done, but because I was so bored of him. Billy had the potential to be a fantastically complex villain but it felt like Lightwood didn’t know what to do with him in season 2 so just had him lurch from one villainous thing to another (often with no real reason) whilst simultaneously trying to paint him as a sympathetic victim. Unfortunately, the writing failed to really make Billy either of these things and I grew very tired of him by the end of the second episode. I also found Ben Barnes acting to be a little iffy this season. I saw someone comment that he ‘over-acted’ a lot, and I’d be inclined to agree. 

Amy’s character/arc - Before watching the season I saw a lot of edits of Amy and Frank/Amy and was looking forward to the new dynamic she was going to bring to the show, but I was really disappointed. As a character, Amy felt underdeveloped, stale and for the most part unsympathetic. Although one of the main plots of the season was focused on her I wasn’t invested in her enough to care and she was way too passive within her own plot. For the majority of the season it felt like she was hanging around for Frank rather than actively being involved in the events that were unfolding. Although she was technically an ‘innocent’ young girl, she didn’t feel worth the time or effort that Frank (and others) invested in saving her. We know that Frank is concerned about the well-being of innocents (particularly women and children because they represent Maria and his kids), but I didn’t understand why Frank was so invested in Amy. That’s largely because her relationship with Frank felt...meh to me (which is no affornt to Giorga’s acting or her chemistry with Jon, it’s more about the writing). I understand exactly what their relationship was supposed to be -  a connection to Frank’s daughter and an opportunity for him to bond as a father with a young girl who would’ve been Lisa’s age - but it didn’t work for me. I didn’t see the development of their relationship, it just felt like they went from being strangers who gave each other false names to friends over night. There were a few scenes between them that were adorable (I particularly loved the one where they were playing 3 card brag and Frank was getting frustrated because he sucked so much at it haha), but overall the relationship was lacklustre and therefore I wasn’t invested in it, Amy or her arc. 

The lack of focus on Frank - Frank Castle is the heart and soul of The Punisher because he is the Punisher. The show has a strong cast but Jon Bernthal’s is the star of the show and without a doubt the best aspect of The Punisher. I can’t speak for everyone that watches the show but my guess is that a majority of people watch for Frank. We love him and he’s the one we’re most invested in. Unfortunately, in comparison to season 1, season 2 seemed to take a big step back from Frank. In fact, it felt like we saw more of Billy than Frank. Even Krista seemed to get nearly as much screen time as Frank despite being a brand new character. The confrontation with Billy was really the only part of this season that felt like it was about Frank, but even that was more focused on Billy than Frank. Everything about Frank this season was directly tied to others - particularly Billy and Amy - and it felt like he was propelling everybody else’s arcs forward rather than having his own. As the main character, that’s definitely not what Frank’s purpose should be. He’s the leading man and the plots should be built around him with the supporting characters supporting him (the clue is in the title lol) and propelling his arc forward. In season 1, I feel like he had a fantastic journey and brilliant character development, but not so much in season 2. If the show is cancelled and season 2 is the last season it’s so sad to see Frank still living his life as the Punisher having not truly found closure or happiness. Some may think it was a fitting ending because the show is titled The Punisher after all, and they believe Frank cannot be ‘saved’ or ‘redeemed’ or find any alternative other than living as the Punisher, but personally, I see the show as being about Frank Castle, the man, as much as it’s about The Punisher, the anti-hero. This is a complex issue about Frank’s character, because everyone has different interpretations of what/who his character should be, but personally I believe that the core of Frank’s arc should be about his humanity, so it was disappointing to see the way the season ended. (As a side note, I’m currently in the process of writing an in-depth analysis of Frank’s character, so keep your eyes peeled if that’s of interest to you). The show should really make full use of Frank/Jon (which it did in season 1), because Jon’s fantastic acting has the ability to disguise some of the bigger issues with the writing from view. I know that I spent the entirety of season 2 glued to my screen whenever Frank was on and the second Billy, Krista or Pilgrim appeared on-screen my attention slowly waned and my phone found its way into my hands. 

Overall, I don’t think season 2 was as strong as season 1 (’Home’ is above and beyond any season 2 episode) and it definitely wasn’t a strong enough season for Netflix to want to renew it for a third season (although I still think there’s a possibility it might return, but perhaps I’m being optimistic). However, Jon is a fantastically talented actor who still has so much to give, the show has a lot of potential and there’s still a lot of interesting stories that could develop if there is  a third season. The show definitely hasn’t reached its full potential and therefore, it would be incredibly sad to see it cancelled. With a few tweaks to the writing, more attention to detail and focus on fleshing out the characters and plots, The Punisher could be amazing. Plus, who doesn’t want to see Jon Bernthal return to our screens as Frank Castle? I know that I certainly do. 

Overall rating: 6/10

(For reference, this review really sums up a lot of my thoughts on the season.)

[tricksexual]

I stopped watching Supernatural somewhere between seasons 8 and 9.

I stopped for multiple reasons, but for huge Cas-stan such as myself, the biggest was having to watch my favorite character die over and over-and us as the audience never really knew if this time it would stick, or if he would just be brought back once again.

But now the show is on season 13, and I honestly can't believe it's survived this long. But finally having time to myself, I decided to rewatch the show from the very beginning with a clear mind-not being actively involved in the fandom, the drama, the ships. And it's honestly be very eye opening.

So far I've caught up to myself from the past. I've watched seasons 1-7 in completion and am currently in season 8 (which I fondly remember being called Season Gr8), and I have Opinions™.

Season 1 was, of course the slowest, and I found myself skipping through a few monster-of-the-week fillers until we started coming onto the plot that would lead us all the way to season 5. And I genuinely enjoyed it. It was a great story, Sam and Dean go through some serious character arcs and handle certain storylines with a lot of emotional intensity. Sam's struggle with emotional and mental abuse, being taken advantage of, and the addiction he struggled with were seen with greater appreciation this time around. Having gone through some serious things in my own life, I felt myself really reaching for Sam as he fought tooth and nail to redeem himself in the eyes of those who loved him.

Dean's battle with depression was something I'd connected with when I first started watching the show who knows how many years ago, so to see it beginning to stem and build after John's death and continue all the way into season 8 (and I'm sure further down the line as well) was hard. The one thing I always loved about Dean, though, was that he always made the choice to stay alive in the end, to fight. And, of course, at the end of the day it all about Sam and Dean and their relationship that keeps both boys on the right path.

Something I had noticed the time around is that Dean constantly foreshadowing our Big Bads-which I directly correlated with Stiles from Teen Wolf, who has first impressions of characters that tend to be directly spot on. Seeing it now makes me want to scream at the other characters while Dean tries futilely to get them to see things his way.

Castiel is probably my favorite story. He started off as someone who was mindless, followed orders, and didn't question his Father. I relate because I spent many years walking and talking to my father's tune, and I was a good daughter. No matter how my fathers actions hurt me or others, there was a part of my brain that said, "follow orders, unquestioningly. I consider this brainwashing, and to break this connection is extremely difficult. For Cas, it took falling in love with humanity. Seeing the worth of humans, especially the ones he guarded. His story progressed, and I noticed Dean calling Cas a 'child' more often then not. Now that I can take a step back, I understand how, once again, Dean was foreshadowing events to come. Castiel didn't know how to handle his new found free will, making choices which cross the line between right and wrong. Later he admits that he truly doesn't know what is right and what is wrong, which I can understand. After having been under someone's control for so long, only to be left alone to remake who you are can leave your perceptions pretty askew.

The lines, "It sounds so simple when you say it. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" - "I was there, where were you?" Between Dean and Cas really strikes something in me. Castiel tried so hard to make the right choice, but instead he decides to do right by his leader, Dean, who wanted a normal life outside of hunting after Sam jumped into Lucifer's cage. I found this parallel between Dean and God much more pronounced this time around for Castiel. Cas never really made his own choice, only did his best to follow a leader that wasn't present. Of course, Dean would have dropped everything for Castiel if he'd gone to him, but the drive to give Dean normalcy overrode sensibility. Later rationalizing terrible decisions and tragic mistakes, which is indeed childish and would be his downfall. That downfall lead to a great redemption arc in season 8, which I haven't watched in it's entirely quite yet, but have enjoyed.

To build off of that, I wanted to address Dean's trauma. The fact that Cas refused to go through the portal from Purgatory traumatized Dean so much that the memory became unreliable, and lead Dean to believe that he wasnt strong enough to bring Cas back. Dean goes through so much. I've touched on his depression, but he has absolutely been through the ringer, and I can guarantee that he still holds the weight of the world on his shoulders, which leads to this complex of 'im not strong enough to save the world but I HAVE to try'.

When Bobby dies, Dean's severe alcoholism really begins to stack up. Enough that even Sam speaks up about it a few times. The episode where they fight the Shojo, he asks if Dean can even get drunk, and Dean's surprised when he does. And it gets worse when they have to send Bobby back before he becomes a vengeful ghost. When the cameras pans over to show Castiel watching form the background, really broke my heart. Through Castiel's mental break and outright refusal to participate in any conflict, he still knew his loyalties and was still broken by Bobby dying, something that we hadn't seen Cas handle until that moment.

At this point though, in season 8, I'm getting more critical of what I'm seeing. The vision that Kripke had for the show has run it's course, and that's crystal clear to me. I have to remind myself that these characters have grown and moved on in ways that I didn't originally see them going. Namely, Amelia and Dean.

I don't like Amelia. At all. And I vaguely remember that being the majority opinion among the fandom, but I could be wrong. Yes, I'm glad Sam found someone who knew the pain of losing a loved one. That's extremely important for Sam to recover and move on. And yes, I'm glad Sam found someone to move forward into a better life with. But good good, could they have written someone a little kinder? A little softer? Someone who wouldn't have so mean, rude, and harsh? At this point for me, 8-9 episodes in, I have no interest in her and am excited for her character to be written off. In my opinion, Sam deserved way better from a partner, someone similar to Lisa for Dean back in season 6.

As for Dean, I understand that he's gone through a full year of combat. He and Benny bonded like they fought in the same foxhole, saw blood and gore daily, took lives or else their lives would be taken. I know that Dean is going through a PTSD arc, and that's fantastic. It's a story that's very much needed, because Dean has been through a lot already, and the mental scars of those things need to be addressed as well as healed eventually. But I'm absolutely horrified at Dean and the way hes treating Sam for moving on. I continuously find myself routing for Sam to go off on his own again, to leave Dean and his attitude behind. In my personal opinion, Sam doesn't deserve the treatment that Dean's been giving him. I understand that Dean was hoping Sam would find a way to bring him back, fail, and move on like Dean had done back in season 6. I understand that Dean has seen so much war in Purgatory that now his vision of civilian life, even hunting itself, might be askew. But that doesn't make.his treatment of Sam okay.

The final thing I want to touch on is Sam and what he went through while having visions of Lucifer in season 7. I just want to say how proud of Sam I am at this point, because he is not the picture of mental health. He has been through things that most couldn't imagine. And we get to see him heal. That is the most important message to me. Go through hell, heal, grow, make better choices on the next go. That's all you can ever do. And I've watched this boy do it time and time again. Sam's message on mental health is probably my strongest take-away from this rewatch.

I'm my writing this to get a reaction or to even interact with the fandom, just to get my thoughts down in writing. Because I've had all these thoughts floating in my head since I started the rewatch, and I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

If you do wanna strike up a conversation, you can message me or reply to this post, totally up to you. I'll probably do another post once I fall into season 10 and again once I'm caught up with the series.