#they like HUMANS and their WARHAMMER and they just want to have adventures so fucking bad!!

[silverislander]

i'm SO excited to play my high school campaign character neri bc i really just get to fall back into my childhood in the funniest ways

2000s clothes... i'm making them wear stick on earrings and velour tracksuits and layered tank tops my god. and body glitter for SURE. just truly excessive sequins/glitter/sparkles

just being absolutely shamelessly obsessed and cringy and incorrect about things! mine was like. homestuck and creepypasta, theirs is "human culture", which they're actually quite clueless about

being WAY too into school i just know they're raising their hand for every damn answer. except math class. they're not raising their hand much in math class gfjdhs

middle school best friend shit w my friend's rabbitfolk fighter!! they're gonna have sleepovers and make bracelets and draw their terrible ocs together instead of working in class :'D

going to high school dances overdressed and Losing It when they play shit like gangnam style

being absolutely cluelessly queer. they don't understand homophobia/transphobia/etc, they've never used a gendered pronoun before, they're very much aroace and so don't understand other people's crushes

[ackerpreach]

This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)

MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION

Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter

After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...

Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship 

Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could.  She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared. 

but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN) 

Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her???  He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.    

Like seriously??? What is this??? 

Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for. 

This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa. 

Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that?  Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way.  Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO!  All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship. 

Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this. 

Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women 

I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way. 

It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy. 

I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR. 

I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.

The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that??? 

It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below.  I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and  it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place...  It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga. 

Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination

The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he  got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???

Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))

Historia’s baby 

The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all  got thrown out of the window... 

Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’) 

It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.

My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action

In Conclusion...

I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.

Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to.  I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana​ and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative. 

I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3

[skunts-own-truth]

The Long Whispered About “Wrath & Glory” Review:

I have a lot to say about this damn game, and I know a lot of you don’t give a gosh-darn about the majority of the things I’m gonna spew and ramble about for the next hundred paragraphs of this post. So, lemme hit you with a TL;DR right out the bat. It’s based on all the questions everyone has ever asked me about the game itself:

1. Is it fun? Yes, it’s very fun.

2. Is it easy to learn? Kinda. It’s different than what you may be used to, and the book is structured weird, but otherwise yes.

3. Is character creation satisfying? A very positive “Kinda.” It is satisfying, and there’s a lot you can do to make a character all your own, but somehow despite this it feels limiting with what comes in the core.

4. How is the Xenos support? I was disappointed in how little they got, but was happy to see them as playable characters in the core book.

5. Is Combat satsifying? I think so, but it is also very, very deadly so your players may not think that as much as me.

6. Is it like Dark Heresy? In rules, not at all. You can, however, use this game to run any of the Fantasy Flight core games’ premises- in some cases even better than the original.

Alright. TL;DR over. Let’s get to the review!

Part 1. The Rules & Stuff:

Wrath & Glory was a deceptive game at first. I saw the dice system and how incredibly short both the combat and rules sections are, and boy did I mistake this game as a Rules-Lite. It’s not. No. It just has very simple core rules.

What I mean by that, is it is an easy to understand Dice Pool System where you roll dice and collect successes, add them up, and try to beat a target number. Easy peasy. Example: you roll 7 dice, you get 5 successes, your target was 4 successes, you win.

Easy as pie, right? Well, that doesn’t mean the game is lacking any rules. Nah, homie, this game is filled to the bursting with GM and player support for basically everything. In fact, my first impressions were “wowzers, you can just do so fucking much!” Whereas in 40k RPs of yore, you would have to wait for a specific talent or something to be able to do stuff. In this way, Wrath & Glory feels very freeing and loose.

How much of these many rules are good? Well, most of them, actually. I didn’t find much in the core I would scratch my head over. So that’s good! I also don’t see many ways to just outright break the damn game using all these rules. It’s very balanced in its simplicity, and I like that a lot.

There are a few odd things, but I’ll save those for a different part of the review. So I’ll end this here saying it is fast, clean, and fun as far as rules go- and GMs will have a lot of their work done for them within the book. Be sure to read them, however, as you may stumble over some stuff like I did at first.

Part 2. What the hell are Tiers, and why are they a good thing even?

Tiers are the game’s way of letting you, the GM, run any type of Warhammer 40k game you could ever imagine to run. For you, the player, it’s those real annoying things that limit the hell out of how good you can get and how much of a character you can make.

How they do this is by restricting nearly everything the game has to offer, sectioning off levels of play for various types of characters. For instance, at Tier 1, you are an absolute nobody. At Tier 5, you may as well be a named Codex character!

I’ll break these down for you as genera levels, as I understand them:

Tier 1- this is your survival horror level of play. You are no one, you are just an average joe in a heartless universe. Your characters won’t start with much to offer them, and things like Space Marines, Ork Nobs, and Rogue Traders are entirely off the table as options for you.

Tier 2- I’d put tier 2 at the same level of risky adventure as your first level D&D party, or a starter party for Dark Heresy 2nd Edition. At this level you can begin playing things like Space Marine Scouts, or Scions.

Tier 3- This is where the game seems to want people to play, as finally we have reached the level where you can play almost anything. The doors open up to you, and you’re playing on par with a Deathwatch or Black Crusade party: high adventure tier.

Tier 4, 5, and beyond- Primaris Marines become available here, and the whole game just cracks right open. At this point you can play serious galaxy spanning dramas that focus on the fate of not one planet, but the state of existence itself. You can go beyond Tier 5, but I really, really don’t see why anyone would ever want to do that with what is presented in the rules.

Now, what exactly do tiers DO? I’ll say, a lot. They restrict how your characters start, what classes and races can be played, how much bonus dice you can roll on a test, and how dangerous your enemies can become. Really, these things set the entire theme and feel of your specific Wrath & Glory game!

Depending on how much you want to put into your game, a GM can get a lot of mileage out of tiers. From the feedback I heard from friends, family, and players, however they are a little confusing at first and make character creation a bummer at lower levels of play. You should absolutely explain tiers and what themes the tier you select should be. Do not just throw people at the wall on this one.

Part 3. The book.

My biggest problem with Wrath & Glory, and the biggest problem I’ve heard from everyone I have ever shown the game to, is the layout of the book. It’s a little clunky. By a little, I mean even frustrating at times.

Now, this in itself is not a problem if the GM learns the book and walks their players through every step of character creation- BUT this is not a book to be skimmed or speed-read. No. Read it. If you plan on GMing this game, read every damn corner of this game because you will miss stuff. I did. Everyone I’ve talked to has.

It’s not bad, it’s not ugly, it has lovely art, but the layout can be very wonky. You may not have this issue when you look through it, just know I recommend reading it from front to back before you play.

Finally, Character Creation.

You can make a LOT of stuff in this game, and I do mean a lot. You can have a party of Orks, Eldar, chaos dudes, Space Marines, regular ass humans, whatever. However, hoooowever, something I heard a few times from friends of mine is that it seems very limiting in its options.

Now, how’s that? Well, that’s because the core book branches out so much that it lacks focus for any specific thing. Especially Orks, Eldar, and Space Marines in particular. If you’re an average human? Yo, you’re Gucci. You have options for DAYS, but Space Marines, Orks, and Eldar lack a lot of character creation support here. Chaos is also a little lackluster too, BUT,

But, you have way more from this game to look forward to! They have made promises that more focused books are on the way, and the core does give you and your players a lot to work with. You could very easily play a game with seven Ork Boys alone, and it will still be one hell of a game even before an Ork supplement book is released.

See, Wrath & Glory is one easy game to homebrew. I’ve personally made stats for Grots and Tau like it was nothing, just using the other races in the book as a starting point to work off of. If you’re a creative GM and love to just MAKE shit? This is the game for you.

All in all, Wrath & Glory is a solid 40k Roleplaying game, and I highly recommend it.

[obsoletesystem]

D&D Ask Meme

@wisdom-fangs​ asked me to do all the questions of this D&D ask post. So I did. 1. A favorite character you have played. I really like playing monstrous characters. Currently in Adventurers League, I play Frattek Venvaris, bugbear rogue/barbarian, who is a delightfully goofy character. But I also miss playing Bajur Mashoir, a very charismatic lizardfolk "voodoo" shaman, whose catchphrase was: "As you can see, I am an alligator, sir..." spoken in a thick southern brawl. 2. Your favorite character that someone else has played. During a one shot the guy that played an evil halfling warlock sacrificed himself to blow up the big bad with a block of dynamite. The true MVP. 3. Your favorite side quest. Idk. 4. Your current campaign. I DM a homebrew campaign, in which the party is stuck between sides in a war between the local Jarl and a fey duchess who has taken over a part of the woods. I also participate as a player in a slight homebrewed Salt Marsh campaign, in which I play a tiefling cleric of Pelor. She's got a Sad Backstory. 5. Favorite NPC. The Loathesome Gribble, an NPC in the game I DM, who is a very small tiefling sorcerer with an immense knife collection and a four-armed aasimar monk girlfriend. He is found in the most of unlikely places and his signature spell is "Gribble's Hand of Sand", which may or may be not magical, as it blinds a creature with sand, but the material component is just a handfull of coarse sand. 6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc). The druid in our home game charged into giant stag form at a huge burning construct (The Burning Man from Burning Man, but moving), missed his attack, upon which the Burning Man rolled nat 20's on BOTH ITS ATTACKS. No advantage, no nothing, just two straight 20's. He grabbed the stag by its antlers, turned its head 360 degrees, and dropped a flaming, mutilated dwarf to the ground. 7. Your favorite downtime activity. I always like to do something that tells a little bit about the culture of the creature I play. When I was on haitus because of school, I described how Frattek had spend some time with his little bugbear niece, and had just returned from a fun little war (seeing as bugbears love to fight). 8. Your favorite fight/encounter. We had to fight a vampire spawn in a dank, dark basement, but it was light outside, and Frattek is incredibly good at grappling creatures, so we dragged the vampire out from his basement into the sunlit street, and then made a run for it as we had broken into a house. 9. Your favorite thing about D&D. Coming together with friends and not drinking (a lot) or smoking weed. I like doing those things too, but it is also fun to just hang out and play games where heavy drinking is not really handy. 10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most. Dragons are the best, spellcasters are the worst. Spellcasting Dragons are the bees knees. My players, however, are going to hate a certain spellcaster very much. Once they find out... 11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play? Usually once a week, but I'd love to be able to balance twice a week. One day as player, one day as DM. 12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from. "Name and occupation, please" comes from when we played Pathfinder, and one of the characters died, but I didn't want to get rid of him yet or he was set up to be reincarnated or some shit idk. Anyway, his soul arrives in purgatory, which turns out to be this bureaucratic office, where he has to stand in line for a long, long time, before arriving at a booth/desk type situation, in which an Ophanim angel (one of them burning wheels full of eyes) floats that asks with a bored sigh "Name and occupation, please". The player answered, and was set up for reincarnation, which involved shooting his soul from a cannon/drop tube into the unborn baby of a local woman. The child grows up unnaturally quickly, and because it has the soul of a mature orc barbarian, it is more than a little trouble. Nephertheless, the "Name and occupation, please" gag remained forever. 13. Introduce your current party. My Homeboys, the Lords of Okab Volal, are Nazreen, a wood elf ranger who missed her wolf, played by @tabula-wasa​, Tophr Thanestone, the previously mentioned dwarf druid who was murdered by a giant flaming effigy and subsequently reincarnated/put into the body of a frost elf woman (something he hasn't come to terms with) played by our bearded friend Glenn, and Adelon Vrena, half-elf bard/cleric/divine soul sorcerer a.k.a. Healer Supreme, who is really righteous but not above torturing a captive githyanki, and played by Arnaud. The Schadestenen (meaning "Damage Stones", as in dice), which is the OG Adventurers League group in the Spellenhoorn in Hoorn, consist of Aiden Rainbowscale (Albino orphan wood-elf monk/barbarian), Fjorgyn (dwarven cleric of Moradin, who died last week and still suffered from the Death Curse. RIP.), Frattek Venvaris (Bugbear barbarian/arcane trickster and gladiator/luchador, played by me), Gideon Thornton (cowardly Half-Orc Hexblade), Grommash Hellscream (Stereotypical Half-Orc Barbarian. Great guy.), Ruldra (disgraced Hobgoblin undead-hunting Ranger), Cadence (Powerful but stupid Half-elf Grave Cleric/Divine Soul Sorcerer who never learned how to read), Ullr (Arnaud's Gloom Stalker and Human Machine Gun), and Darin (half-elf ranger and Master Of Backflip). The Peeps from Salt Marsh, DMed by the guy that plays Darin, in which Arnaud plays William Wisenose, The Awfully Lucky Halfling Build (halfling wizard/bard/whatever), Cadence's player plays Sylver Ravenstar (half-elf bard/hexblade/run away princess), her friend plays Samm Enoch (Aasimar Bard and Very Handsome Man), Aiden's player plays Ankis (Aasimar Celestial Warlock and very secretive about both these facts because Back Story), and his friend plays Vena Malum (Human Bloodhunter, who is really buff and does that swirly thing with her falchions, and oh my...), Grommash's player plays Morgain of Astora (human paladin of Pelor, and companion/boyfriend/substitute son to my character), and I play Paytsarra Avèry (winged tiefling cleric of Pelor). Praise the sun. 14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed. We had one party consisting of a drider, a very evil dwarf, a fire genasi, a gnome psychic, and a kenku ninja at one point. When the evil dwarf died, and I introduced the guy's new drow "medic", I knew I lost all cohesion of the group. 15. Do you have snacks during game times? My players do. I don't like snacks that much. 16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer? In person. I tried playing online, and I think I would do again, but only if I'd have a really good headset. 17. What are some house rules that your group has? In the Salt Marsh campaign you double the value of the dice on a crit, which I think is disappointing. I just wanna roll a lot of dice :( 18. Does your party keep any pets? @tabula-wasa​'s ranger has a dire wolf...somewhere...

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions? Not that I know of. I do know some of my dice seem to roll better than others. 20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing? I found a d&d character creation app on the web ages ago, and that sparked my interest. Later I joined a warhammer fantasy role play group with a friend I had been rp-ing online with a lot, but this was the real deal, at Arnaud's house. He dmed number of campaigns for us, and later he joined my pathfinder group which turned into a D&D 5th edition group. 21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done? Yeah. Frattek decided to be a hero and tried to assassinate an ogre torturer. He failed his shot. We had to fucking run. 22. What color was your first dragon? The first dragon I fought as a character was a young Red Dragon. Even at 5th level, we whooped its ass. He found himself in a cave, surrounded by fools, and we beat him to pulp. The first dragon I put in front of my players was a young White Dragon. It kicked their asses. 23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns? I usually homebrew my own campaigns, but I have dmed some AL sessions. 24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game? Not an incredible amount, but for my home game I prepare ideas months, even years, in advance. For DMs 25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for? A lot. The most notable was casting Dispel Magic on the demiplane-item the cultists were in... and then opening the demiplane underwater. 26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters. I had these zombies that always repeated the last thing they said before they died, which was cool and creepy. But the thing I really wrote out was the description of how an Astral Ship warps space around itself, and what that looks like from the people on the deck of the ship. 27. Do you allow homebrew content? If it's well written, absolutely, but there is a lot of shit out there. 28. How often do you use NPCs in a party? When it makes sense, but I try not to do that too often. 29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions? I prefer RP sessions, but I am leaning more toward combat. On the other hand, I don't think it completely excludes each other nor should it. I am of the opinion that 30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos? Rather diplomatic, but they can definitely kick ass. For Players 31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race? I like casters, and I will always have an affinity for wizards, but arcane tricksters and eldritch knights are cool too. I like elves, and I like monstrous races; goblins, hobgoblins, bugbears. I like things that are pretty and scary, or creepy and goofy. 32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?) I usually mix a bit of tank and dps. I don't like being very frail, but I do enjoy doing a lot of damage in one shot. 33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory? I tend to write a character from a concept, and then build out the backstory. How did this person become the person they are today? Even if you have something of a bugbear, or a hobgoblin, or a yuan-ti. They have had a childhood, they have role models, they have culture. But what is that? What defines a character? What makes them they way they are? I don't like playing monstrous races that have been adopted by a "better, nobler race" like humans and elves and dwarves. I get the appeal, but I also think it is a little trite, and a little condenscending, almost. I think a lot about what defines a monstrous identity, and being a Cultural Anthropologist, I think a lot about the way culture shapes the values and morality and thus also behaviour of a creature. Do hobgoblins tell their children bedtime stories? What are they about? How will a bugbear struggle in regular humanoid society, where his violent urges -natural to him- are equally, or even more excessively violently repressed and punished? Is this just for bugbears? Will they then look for each other, and find each other in their shared cultural/natural tendencies? Are there goblinoid lawyers or activist groups, that seek to protect other goblinoids from unjust treatment under laws that aren't theirs? How will your life be if you are a second or third or even fourth generation inhuman creature in a human society? Do they dream of returning to a society that is 'theirs'? And is there even such a thing? And if there is, will they actually fit in, or forever be an outcast, neither hob nor man? I tend to poke at such questions with my character backstories. 34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor? Everything is useful, since everything is always situational. If you plan only for situations in which you are going to kill every living thing, then you shouldn't pick something like Rope Trick, or Magic Circle. But you do you. I very much dislike decoupling "flavour" from functionality. This is a game of make-belief, so everything you do is flavour. The mechanics are an abstraction of a fantastic reality, and though inherently important to the working of the game (without rules, it would merely be improvisation, which is also a kind of game, but schwa), it is all flavour. People that brag about how much average damage they can do with this or that specific build tire me. 35. How much roleplay do you like to do? All of the roleplay! But please let me punt goblins into the garbage sometimes!

[marlutterianae]

Dragon’s Dogma Monster Appreciation. IT’S DAIMON.

Well, let’s get this out of my system already... Here’s everything cool and great about Daimon’s design and why I love it so much. 

Demons are my favorite creature in media. They are so versatile and adaptable to any setting. You can have medieval demons manifested in reality through spiritual magic, like in most Fantasy stories, and you can even apply them into Science Fiction with some pseudo science/magic, like Warhammer’s Warp Chaos Daemons. The point is, demons can take any form, any origin, and any nature they are literally a ‘free real state’ concept to work in fiction. I love writing about demons. I love drawing them. And I love seeing their varios forms and interpretations in media. And now, we have this amazing display of demonic power in the form of Daimon, the final antagonist of Dragon’s Dogma expanded world, the big bad of Bitterblack Island and a true force to be reckon with. 

His Lore (SPOILER WARNING). 

Avoid part of this section if you want to discover the truth behind Daimon’s origin by yourself. Take it as a recommendation to play the game. It’s worth it! If you don’t mind hearing about it and still want to play the game (I don’t blame you) then hear me out. 

As I mentioned in my Evil Eye post, Dragon’s Dogma manages to link the origin of some of their monsters to the theme of Dragons. Daimon is no exception. 

Daimon used to be a human. Not just any human, but an Arisen like the player, named Ashe. He fell in love with the Arisen that saved his life long ago, but after that Arisen, named Grette, was killed in her attempt to kill the Dragon, Ashe was chosen to be the next Arisen, destined to slay the beast. 

Once he stood before the Dragon, he gave him a choice (a similar choice the player must take when facing Grigori, the Dragon of their time). 

The choice was fight him, or sacrifice his most important thing in exchange of a wish. At this moment, he fell in love with Grett’s Pawn named Olra, who inherit her master’s heart after dead and learn to love, soon becoming the lover of Ashe. He refused to choose, and damned the cycle, the world and it’s creator. The Dragon interpreted his words as a wish and granted it in exchange for the life of Olra, turning him into the hideous demon named Daimon. 

As for Bitterblack Island? His new domains? It turns out the massive dungeon island is actually an illusion, drawn from Daimon’s memories. There are several hints throughout the exploration of the place that reveal this detail. 

That’s all I could understand not only from the game, but from investigating further online. Now, getting all of that lore out of the way, let’s get into the meaty design... 

About Medieval Demons. 

Daimon is a fantastic representation of a medieval demon given new flesh in a modern work. If you take a look at Daimon’s design, you’ll see incredible similarities with medieval depictions of demons in old books, art and illustrations. 

Medieval demons always had that surreal and grotesque “Chimeric” look and feeling to them. Freakish abominations mixing several animal parts, and lots of faces and heads where heads and faces absolutely shouldn’t be. You can see that represented in Daimon’s body, complete with avian talons in both hands and feet, furry legs, bat wings, a human face and a grotesque monstrous face in his chest. Which isn’t just a monstrous face, it’s the Dragon’s face! Again, Dragon’s Dogma links their designs to the theme of dragon’s once again with this, but I’ll get into more detail about the dragon chest face when I talk about the fight in game. 

The Fight. 

Daimon is an extremely tough opponent. This is a two phased fight. In the first one, the Arisen and their party arrived at some ominous hall, where Daimon awaits patiently, sitting in the back, obscured. He rises, flies and lands closer to the adventurers, standing up in his full hight, towering over the Arisen. Then, the fight commences. 

Daimon is a formidable foe who has control over magick, and he will cast numerous powerful spells as a means to attack. Both projectile spells of all elements and others of closer distance. He will charge at you, taking flight and ram you, doing massive damage, and he can still deliver devastating punches and swings with his claws and even agile kicks. He is also capable of grabbing the Arisen, crushing them with his massive grip, and incinerate them, all in one move. He is a master of brute force and magick. 

This is a fight of genuine epic proportions. The columns around the hall will collapse after Daimon breaks them apart with an attack. Depending on your class, you can climb on top of him and go for specific body parts, struggling for dear life as he flies around fiercely. 

All the while, during this phase, a beautiful song plays in the background called Coils of Light, that sounds like a lullaby. 

Depending on the Arisen’s skills, Pawns and level, this fight can last from 10 minutes to 30. But I’m just using estimates, since I’m aware there are people who will go face him underleveled, and those who will unload all of their overpowered skills against him, ending the fight faster than expected. It’s all to the player. 

But this is just part of his first form. And depending on the players choices, the fight might end after beating him like this, or else... 

Daimon will back off away from the Arisen, coughing blood, trembling. And eerie glow will start to shine within his chest, a light that resonates with the Arisen’s chest scar. Then, the flat grotesque face will sprout from his chest in a mighty roar, as a head. This head resembles the Dragon’s own head, even to the sinister glowing eyes. Daimon will lose control over his body, floating like a lifeless puppet with loose limbs, with the head presumably assuming direct control. 

During this phase, Daimon will float around, and continue to attack using powerful magick. The music changes to something more intense. And the most spectacular display of his power is that when he attacks swinging his arms, two enormous spectral dragon arms will manifest around him and inflict devastating damage to anything it gets in his way. Almost as if he were summoning the power of his full dragon form. 

Conclusion. 

After doing some research about the boss to refresh my memory, I stumble upon some opinions of other players about how Daimon is such a bullshit boss, the worst boss even, and that this fight is more of a matter of luck than anything. I just want to clarify that I make this appreciation posts more to praise the design of the creature, it’s aesthetic, the feel and atmosphere of the fights against them and their lore. I don’t want to say Daimon is an amazing boss, gameplay wise. This is just me talking about how much I like it conceptually, and personally. What it makes me feel. 

Daimon is definitely one of my favorite designed demons in media (though it matters little since it’s a very large list already) and the noticeable links to medieval demons actually impressed me a lot, since those are demons that you don’t see very often. Demons tend to be fucked up and brutal dinosaur looking monsters, abstract spectral beings, horned humanoids, or eldritch abominations. Among many other designs that, don’t get me wrong, are all good in their own right. 

But it’s cool and refreshing seeing modern media depict the surreal and almost silly and absurd looking fiends from ye old times, where demons where these lanky grotesque goblin men with animal parts, faces on their asses, exposed genitals and creepy smiles. I hope we can see more medieval inspired demons in future works. Who knows in what context. Will we fight and slay them? Will they haunt us from the dark? Or would we drink a beer with them? The possibilities are endless... 

Also, I see that Devil May Cry 5 already knows what I’m talking about... 

God, gotta love that demonic Belly Maw™

[happywitch416]

Dragon Age Questions

I was tagged by @joufancyhuh thank you! This was fun! I’m gonna tag @kaleidoscopegirl @thesecondseal @rhetoricalrogue @lechatrouge673 @bugsieplusone @sasabelle-a and anyone else! Everyone else!

01) favorite game of the series?

DA2, hands down. I played DAI first and don’t get me wrong it’s a pretty game and a good game, but I love Hawke’s story. Someone who tries so hard and it’s never enough. I relate.

02) how did you discover Dragon Age?

I got a free copy of Inquisition with a new xbox, and honestly, hubs is the one who was oh it has dragons, Erin will like that! I wonder if he ever regrets that decision.

03) how many times you’ve played the games?

Origins- completely through 3 times? My dalish Elf who i didn’t even name her own name. Oops. Then my Arwen Tabris who smooches Zev and I actually have sorta fleshed out. I also have a Cousland and a dwarf that I never finished. I suffer from The Joining is Stupid syndrome.

DA2- I replay this constantly. I love Rose whether I am playing her as a mage or a rogue. I have played through with Selene twice maybe? I like all the choices! And how the choices change things! And well, Varric.

DAI- I’ve played through each race, as female, probably half a dozen times a piece. I really like being a Qunari lady, me and Sera swoon together. And it’s very different from other fantasy races I’ve played. And I love Val Cadash with her giant warhammer. The Iron Bull loves her too. Lol

04) favorite race to play as?

In all honesty? Elf. Elf me. Unless I’m playing Rose. Rose could never be an elf. So. But playing as a dwarf IS SO FUN and honestly far more relatable than playing a human.

05) favorite class?

For Origins and DA2, I prefer rogue. That being said, I hate playing rogue in DAI, so I mage it all the way.

06) do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time.

Depends on why I’m playing. For fun? I don’t care. For story plots? I keep it consistent unless I want to know how an action changes things (Hawke in the Fade :c). I do have playthroughs specifically for certain world sets too. Like World Asshole is basically thumbing the line of are my heroes even heroes anymore? Or just shiny monsters.

07) go-to adventuring group?

Origins- Zevran, Morrigan, Shale/Oghren.

Awakening- Valenna, Anders, Oghren.

DA2- Anders/Merrill, Isabella, Varric always. Rogues can tank if they try hard enough.

DAI- Varric, The Iron Bull, Viv or Dorian.

08) which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

Rose Hawke. Her past, present, and future is planned and mostly written. I adore her. She is how and why I discovered the how and why people write fanfic. And make headcanons. And Pinterest boards.

09) favorite romance?

VARRIC TETHRAS YOU COWARDS.

But in Origins, it’s Zevran. All day every day. I love me a character of questionable morals with a heart of gold. So complex, so murdery, so cute.

10) have you read any of the comics/books?

I think maybe I own them all? The books are a bit dry. But I love the comics. Superb art work, pretty good story telling. I read them mostly for lore reasons but they stay because they are good.

11) if you read them, which was your favorite book?

Until We Sleep

12) favorite DLCs?

Mark of the Assassin is just pure madness and Tallis makes me heart eye emoji. But The Descent and Jaws of Hakkon are my favorites. The music! The scenery! The stories!

13) things that annoy you?

I cannot romance Varric ever.

DAI’s gender and race locked romances. Some I get, Dorian and Sera because hi, representation matters. . But why can Cullen only romance elf/human ladies? Why on earth is Cass straight? The Iron Bull is only one who isn’t locked out of one thing or another and I love that. I love Bull. But like I feel we went meh good enough or something with the others. Especially after the everybody bangs everybody of DA2. Which was that trying to do a good or lazy writing? Dunno.

Fandom ruins a lot of things for me. I don’t want to take part in convos beyond my circle. Yikes.

Alistair. I get it, it’s tragic but ugh. I’m just too old for him. Same actually for Cullen, and for the above reason, Fandom. Yikes.

The Samson/Cullen thing they tried to replicate with Leliana and Calpurnia. It only worked for the boyos cause they are two sides of a coin. Unless Leliana is secretly a mage? Maybe she IS the ravens.

Consistent Canon doesn’t go here. They don’t even know who that is.

Why do you whitewash your own characters?

THE GODS DAMNED HINTERLANDS

I don’t want to kill the dragons. Let me recruit them.

Where the fuck is my Mabari: Inquisition Addition

14) Orlais or Ferelden?

KIRKWALL. Ferelden is quaint and Orlais is just gross. But has lots of shiny so it does rank higher than Ferelden.

15) Templars or Mages?

Mages, mostly because I want to dismantle the Chantry and continue the tradition of blowing it up. It’s bad. Templars just don’t have enough walking explosives for that.

16) if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

I slap them all in the same verse if they are fleshed out in anyway. Rose Hawke and Val Cadash are best buds, business partners, and occasional bed warmers. Arwen Tabris is hiding from them at this point, she took that Warden Commander title and noped the fuck off around the world with Zev. She doesn’t want their drama too.

17) what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

I name the Mabari Hero. Let’s be honest, that mabari is the true hero of the first two games.

18) have you installed any mods?

I only started modding a few months ago and haven’t modded any of these yet.

19) did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden?

Arwen- Nope. But she really wanted to live, with that much blood on her hands it was join or hang.

20) Hawke’s personality?

She’ll help but she’s tired.

21) did you make matching armor for your companions in Inquisition?

If by matching you mean I dyed everything but the plaid weave of shame black then yes. Plaidweave is for liars.

22) if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

Arwen Tabris would kill Vaughan and his ilk at the wedding, not letting them take Shianni or the others.

23) do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

Rose Hawke is a rogue and a mage. Arwen Tabris is not getting married at the start of Origins. Val Cadash is still a respected member of the Carta while also being Inquisitor. Rose and Varric live happily ever after.

24) are any of your character(s) based on someone?

Rose is the one that has the most of me in her. The rest are just who they are.

26) favorite mount?

Dracolisks. Because the cowards make me kill dragons. Cowards!

[amischeviousfairy]

The “HEAVY METAL KNIGHT” build

Some time ago, a friend of mine discussed the bards of DnD with me, pointing out that the fact they are “Jack of All Trades” made them useless at some point during the adventure ( at the beginning, I think, can’t remember ). Has this story anything to do with today’s build ? Nope, but I thought it could be a good opener.

So, what do we have today ? Well, have you ever dreamed of being a big knight clad in heavy armour, crushing down your foes with huge weapons, heavy metal in the background ? If you have ever played DOOM, probably. Only drawback here : you’re not really Doom Guy, so there isn’t any heavy metal following your every move. And that sucks hard, don’t you think ? What, you’ve got a phone to play music during your sessions ? ... Yeah, but... Have you ever dreamed of that music being played in universe ?

Well, lucky for you, because I have a build for you, today ! First, you’ll need to make a Bard and-

Well, shit.

Seems like you’re not going to be able to carry your orchestra yourself... Or can you ?

I know there must be a way to be a big badass knight AND STILL be a musician. And lucky for you, I studied the books a little and your good ol’ Fairy found a way to achieve full HEAVY METAL KNIGHT mode !

The base stuff

Okay, so to start off this section, you probably already know what class we’re going to play, if you’ve read the ( way too long ) intro. We want to play Bard. Why Bard ? Well, obviously because if you want to play metal while crushing your enemies, you need to be able to play an instrument or two. Duh. Were do you think Doom Guy gets his strength from ? His armour ? Pfeh. HEAVY METAL, my friend.

This time, your most important stats will be Strength ( because you might want to deal damage with those heavy weapons ) and Charisma ( because you need style, you’re supposed to be a heavy metal knight, after all. Oh, and that can be useful for your spells and stuff ).

The first difficulty on our path, though, are the proficiencies. Our poor little Bard can’t wear Heavy Armour, and honestly ? That sucks. So, we need to get those proficiencies going. We’ll go for a build that doesn’t require any proficiency training, since you’d want to get to the Doom Guy part faster.

We have two way to achieve this : race or feats. We’ll also need some feats for the “race” way, but whatever. I’ll start with the race part before talking about the feats way.

Doom Guy : shorty edition

Our first way to get more armour and weapon proficiencies is quite simple. Fortunately, one of the races from the Player’s Handbook can help us get these proficiencies pretty easily : the Mountain Dwarf.

I should probably not use that kind of image for our Doom Guy to be, but I just thought it was the funniest shit ever. Anyway, where was I again ? Oh yeah.

The advantage of playing a Mountain Dwarf are the weapon and armour proficiencies you get. No, really, it’s great.

Look at this. You get access from the start to the two most metal heavy weapons of them all : the Battleaxe and the Warhammer. No Greataxe here, but I’ll tell you how to get care of this later. And you get medium armour proficiency ! That’s neat ! Not enough, but that’s a good way to start !

So, now, we have some more proficiencies to work with. But it’s not enough : you’re still not clad in heavy armour. So, what do we do ?

Feats. That’s what we do. Who needs stats improvement, anyway ? Not us. We’re playing heavy metal, here, bois.

Here’s the Feat you’ll want to get ASAP. Heavily Armored is great for two reasons, here : first, it’s more Strength, which is always nice for your damage output. And more importantly : HEAVY ARMOUR PROFICIENCY. Since there is no real other way to get Heavy Armour Proficiency as a Bard, you will need that one, otherwise, well... You’ll never achieve true Heavy Metal-ness.

Honestly, this is pretty much the only feat you’ll need for that build. Other “need” feats will come in play later on, and only under some conditions. Maybe get Heavy Armour Master if you’re feeling like it, but for now, we’re all set for the race. Or not. Maybe you don’t want to play as a Dwarf ? Well, lucky for you, Fairy got something else for you !

Doom Guy : I-can’t-grow-a-beard edition

You know what’s nice with this build ? Unlike with the flying grappler one, you can actually play other races. Like human. Or other races. As long as you get the good feats. I won’t enter into too many details for the races, since there are no real variations for this method. So, I’ll focus on the humans.

Thing is : you still need proficiencies... And since you’re not a dwarf this time around, it’s gonna take a few more efforts to get those yummy weapons and armour proficiencies. Man, that sucks, doesn’t it ?

Fortunately for us, you can STILL achieve HEAVY METAL. How so ? With feats, of course ! First off, let’s take a normal human.

Did I take way too much time on Paint to make this ? Yup. Was it worth it ? Fuck yeah, it was.

Anyway, as a human, you’ll need to take the variation. Put the stat points in Strength and Charisma. Pick whatever for the skill, as this is not what’s interesting to us. What’s interesting is the bonus feat you get to choose. Get that thing :

Put that point in Strength and get weapons of your choosing. I’d suggest getting heavy, two-handed weapons, like that good ol’ greataxe and stuff like that. Or the warhammer if that’s what you’re into. Right now, you might be wondering : why not take Moderately Armored for the Medium Armor proficiency ? We’ll get to that in a moment. Just know that even though that feat might look like a good idea, it’s not. I’ll explain later. You could also pick something else, but it’ll depend on your Bard college.

If you’re not playing as a human, you’ll need to get Weapon Master at some point. Do note that it will make it more difficult to pull out this build correctly, however.

So, now that the race has been taken care of, what do we do ? We need to choose our Bard college, of course !

I’ve got a degree in kicking-your-ass or how to choose your Bard college

Okay, so for now, we’re on our way to get that classy as all hell heavy metal knight. But first, we’ll need to choose the right Bard college. This time, I went and looked a bit into Xanathar’s Guide to Everything ( which is pretty cool, tbh ). Looking at all the Bard colleges, on the five that we have at disposition right now, you will only be able to pick only one of two. Why that ? Well, because only these two will be useful to get what we need to be the most metal possible.

Also, remember when I said Moderately Armoured is useless ? Because it is. Both of these Bard colleges give Medium Armour Proficiency. Which means you could get Heavily Armoured at level 4 whatever you do. So, let’s dive a little bit into these two colleges, shall we ?

-College of Valor : This one is from the Player’s Handbook, and is our first option for the build. Pretty neat stuff in here : the Bonus Proficiencies give you everything you need : Martial Weapons and Medium Armour proficiency. That means you won’t need to get the Weapon Master feat, since you can use your heavy weapons the way you’d want to, making it easier to get other, more useful feats like Heavily Armored. Combat Inspiration is okayish, letting others deal more damage or be tankier while using an Inspiration Dice. You know, the stuff that is basically you playing music. GET THAT HEAVY METAL GOING, MATE. Too bad it’s not for you... The Extra Attack is an extra attack, which is always nice. But the other college gives us the same, so I won’t go long on this. Finally, the Battle Magic is nice too, making you able to use a spell AND THEN hit your enemy.

The College of Valor is a good overall choice, since it gives you some utility, whatever your race. However, the big inconvenient is that it will REQUIRE you to get the War Caster feat. Without that feat, you won’t be able to cast while hitting your enemies with your greataxe/warhammer. And that sucks hard. Also, you won’t be quite the badass you want to be. Well, at least your TEAM will be badass.

-College of Swords : the college I got from Xanathar’s Guide. This is our second option for the build, and what an option that is. First off, the Bonus Proficiencies give you Medium Armour proficiency, which is pretty cool. We do not care about the Scimitar proficiency, but what is even more interesting is the ability to use weapons we’re proficient with as an arcane focus. What does that mean ? Basically, that we can cast with anything as long as we’re proficient with it. The Fighting Style is a nice touch, but we do not care about it. Pick whatever. Blade Flourish is actually the best thing ever, for this build, with some really nice options. Defensive and Offensive Flourish are both fantastic. MOAR DAMAGE AND/OR MOAR TANKINESS. While using an Inspiration Dice, but this time around, THE HEAVY METAL IS FOR YOU. Extra Attack is Extra Attack, and it’s nice. Master’s Flourish... It’s fucking great. Unlimited Blade Flourish. Weaker ones, but unlimited anyway. Heavy Metal intensifies.

The College of Swords. A fantastic choice for our Heavy Metal Knight, to be the badass of the team, with heavy metal playing at each of your move. But, just like the College of Valor, it has some inconvenients. First off, you will need to get the Weapon Master feat if you do not play a Dwarf/plan on playing with the greataxe. It’s sad, really. Second off, you can’t use a spell AND attack during the same turn.

Both of these colleges can be great choices. It all depends on what you plan on doing/want to do ! As for the spells, choose things that seem brutal to you. Or that could help you and your team keep on slayin’, whatever floats your boat.

Ability Score Improvements are useless or a few interesting feats

So, I went over the colleges and all, and you might be wondering : “why isn’t there more Feats in these ?”. Well, because I decided to only put the required ones in the base stuff for the build. Otherwise, here are a few more feats to choose from that could be useful to you, if that’s what you’re into.

-Charger could be a nice addition. It’s more damage and it’s brutal, everything you want to be a good Heavy Metal Knight.

-Great Weapon Master, same stuff as Charger. More damage. More brutality. Heavy Metal intensifies. Also, you can potentially entirely mitigate the -5 penalty on the attack roll to get a +10 damage with your Blade Flourish if you chose the College of Swords.

-Inspiring Leader could be neat too. A bit of tankiness for your entire team and yourself. The more charisma you have, the better !

-Savage Attacker. See Charger. Also, useful if you hit an ally : you can potentially deal less damage to them if you hit them, since you choose which die is used.

How to tell if your equipment is metal enough

Now, you might be asking yourself : what equipment could be good to use to be a good Heavy Metal Knight ? Well, lucky for you, here’s a little selection as to what you should get to be even MORE metal !

-Literally any enchanted Heavy Armour. This one is pretty simple. You need heavy armour. Make it good. And make it so that you like it. +3, Adamantine, Invulnerability, Resistance, Dwarven Plate... The sky’s the limit ! But make it Heavy.

-Giant Slayer. This weapon can make for one hell of a greataxe. Brutal and even more so against giants. There are better options, but this can be a good one.

-Dwarven Thrower. If you’re playing a Dwarf and using a Warhammer, this weapon is made for you. +3 weapon that you can throw. And it comes back ! Great stuff !

-Any Instrument of the Bards. Remember, you’re a Bard. And those are rare instruments. The spells these give to you are really cool, letting you use some spells without using a spell slot. Heavy metal intensifies.

Now, some may think the Hammer of Thunderbolts could be a nice idea. Problem is : you need to use all three of your Attunements to be able to use it correctly, which is... Less than ideal. You’d lose too much by using it, leave that thing to your Fighter. You don’t need some silly belt and gauntlets to be the strongest person alive.

How to intensify Heavy Metal even more

Okay. Now, your character is made. You got your equipment. Now, how do you play this build ? Well, it’s pretty simple.

First, you open Youtube or Spotify or any music thingy you might be using. You put some Heavy Metal. And you start hitting things as hard as you can.

What, did you think this part would be as long as for the flying grappler ? Well, wrong. Seriously, the thing of this build is brutality. Why are you even asking me how to do that ? Go out there, start that Doom OST and... RIP AND TEAR ! GO WILD ! MAKE YOUR ENEMIES INTO A SPLATTER OF BLOOD AND GORE WHILE PLAYING HEAVY METAL ! YOU’RE A ONE-MAN ARMY AND A ONE-MAN BAND, ACT LIKE ONE !

Pros and cons of this build

+ You’re the most badass Bard out there.

+ You got one pretty nice melee DPS... And you can still get a level 9 spell slot. And any level 9 spell you want.

+ You’re a one-man army AND a one-man band.

+ Can be built as more of a support or a full DPS.

+ Heavy Metal intensifies.

- You may have a big AC, you’re still kinda squishy.

- Not as much of a support as you could be.

- Not as good of a DPS as you could be.

- So yeah, you’re a Bard, but you might not be that agile.

Okay, this build is done. Now, I’m hungry. Hope you’ll like it ! Have fun !

[iliveonmycdrive]

I’ll be honest, I totally thought these were jokes at first, but then the art feels too solid to not be legit. The thing is, I’m not completely against this, like I think it’s a pretty brilliant thing to try. It’s been forever since I’ve really given a shit about 40k, other than piping in about the lack of Sororitas models. I kind of want these books even just for the novelty of it, and I’m obviously not the intended demographic, other than the fact it’s Warhammer.

I’m just wondering how the fuck we got here . . .

The setting is this bloated mess where everything is about death and the humans are all bigots like, you either skirt around that shit or find a way to talk about it with appropriate language and that sounds like a heavy burden for any author and illustrator. If you think about YA book series like “A Series of Unfortunate Events”, it has a that kind of tone and deals with content revolving around thematic stuff that’s usually considered not kid-friendly, so if that’s what they’re going for, that could be a lot of fun. 

I’m wondering what the mains in these are going to be like? the 40k kids look like Rogue Trader types and then there’s one thats a tech priest? Like I can’t imagine these kids are completely brainwashed imperium types. I know jack about the new Age of Sigmar world. Perhaps having a real protagonist navigate these universes is exactly what we all needed, like I get the feeling people who aren’t on-board for the “grimdark” approach to the world and storytelling would like to have a character that’s not an asshole, I know I do in a way. 

This thing is going to hit shelves so I assume GW and the Black Library people have that much faith in this, but what was the thought process here? Are the BL books doing that badly that they need to do things like this? Are they trying to bring in a younger audience to the miniatures? The miniatures cost way too much for your average kid to get into like, I don’t think this will help their case, or is it really only about just offering these books? Are we going to see Adventures branded games, like card, dice, or role-playing games, that are way cheaper? 

Are we going to see this in Targets and Walmarts next to all the other YA or kids books? Is it only a Warhammer store thing? If it’s the latter, the kids are all going to see all the other stuff in the store, therefore defeating the point??? 

Are there any interior illustrations?? 

I’m like . . . excited to see them do something this left-field.

[c1qfxugcgy0]

So the latest thing by Jon Bois, 17776, is making the rounds. Which is interesting, since he already wrote a magic realism future football piece with Google Earth graphics back in 2014, called The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles.

TTCC is an interesting work. I can’t say I regret reading it, but I also can’t really recommend that you read it either. It’s like Lost, or Homestuck.①

TTCC is the story of a single 3 million yard long football game. It starts in Toronto, and stretches across Canada. It’s full of weird little Achewood-like character moments. It rhymes with Jason and the Argonauts. It also features maybe the grimmest setting I’ve seen outside of Warhammer 40K. The hopelessness of the world of TTCC plays out in small ways.

(Spoilers follow)

Tebow. How come you've got a wheel?

Driver. How come I've got a wheel?

Tebow. Yeah.

Driver. So ... I can drive the elevator.

Tebow. Do you need to steer it, though?

Driver. Nah. I always just drive the elevator straight up or straight down. Those are pretty much the only directions that folks need to go on an elevator. Do you need to go left or right? I could see what would happen. Never done it.

Tebow. No, thanks. Just up.

The Canadians, unfortunately, are in the process of innovating themselves into a corner. They're developing new technologies, and adapting new modes of living, that save and generate as much wealth, resources, and energy as they'll ever need. It's all being produced in such abundance that employment is becoming unnecessary to acquire wealth. This is an unexpected problem for Canadians, who are a considerably industrious people. They want to work. And so initiatives have recently been implemented to create "make-work."

This elevator is an example of that: contractors were assigned to equip it with a steering column that may or may not attach to anything. It's equipped with life vests. It has a flare kit. These were all installed by people who worked for the sake of work. So does this man, who has gripped this steering wheel every day for years, and has never turned it.

The central question of both TTCC and 17776 is this: What do we do? What is the purpose of life? If you don’t have to work, then what do you work on? If nobody needs you, what do you do?

I always felt like I kind of related to Todd. He played football all his life, he had been there and done that. And now, he was just hanging around for no reason. The difference between us is that, you know, I eventually found a team that could use me. He just didn't.

Nothing will make you lonelier than not having purpose. Purpose is like gravity. All the friends and fans and everything? Without purpose, they're just floating there, the universe is like a big soup.

Nobody in the history of human civilization has a come up with a satisfying answer to this question. Unfortunately for us, finding an answer is becoming a pressing matter, as technology gets closer to actually giving a post-scarcity economy, and if we can’t figure out something sane to do with it, late capitalism will give us its default answer: an endless dystopian hellscape, eternal suffering and deprivation without end.

Bois does have an answer. It’s this: the purpose of humanity is to play sports.

Tebow and friends drive the football for millions of yards, and eventually discover Tahimik, a city founded in Greenland by the ancient Polynesians. There they discovered all the physical laws, and invented all the technology.

Melvin: How did humankind go from the hot-air balloon to the supersonic SR-71 spy plane, which travels at Mach 3, in, what, 63 years? Do you really think a civilization of people can advance to that technology if nobody feeds it to them? Consider also that we didn't have a reliable cordless phone in 1990, and we had an iPhone in our pocket 17 years later. People accepted this as true because no other possibilities were really suggested to them. But take a step back and think, really think, about how the Hell that is possible, unless another party gives them this stuff an an accelerated rate.

That's what we did. That's what we've done for nearly 3,000 years. Every now and then, we very quietly leak a new technology to our agents in the rest of the world. That's how you got the sailing ship, the steam engine, the automobile, and the Sega Dreamcast, and that is how you will get things you can't even yet conceive of.

But not so many things. Here is the truth: we are running out of stuff.

Tebow: How is that possible?

Melvin: Very soon, we think, we will have cured every disease, solved every economic crisis, made every season of every TV show that anyone would conceivably want to watch. And then we'll be out of stuff. We're gonna release the greatest smartphone of all time sometime in the 2050s. That, I figure, will be the last thing.

[...]

Melvin: Around the year 1500, we hit a wall. We precisely mapped every star that has ever sent light in our direction. And then we start to realize that virtually all of it is a place we can never reach.

Humankind can't travel much further than our solar system. Astral physics won't allow it. Our human bodies won't allow it. Faster-than-light travel is impossible. All the teleportation business that we keep dreaming up in movies is absolutely impossible.

We know that quantum mechanics are in motion everywhere, but around that time, we also discover that we will never be able to comprehend or explore this, either. We stubbornly fought against this truth. God, how we fought. But it was like telling yourself that if you stare at a glass of water hard enough, it'll turn into wine. We were used to running into barriers a handful of times before we figured ways around them. But at this point, we just kept on circling around and hitting our heads on the same, impenetrable wall, thousands of times, forever.

There are things we cannot do. Humankind can travel to a handful of planets so barren that we'd never want to visit them anyway. Apart from that, we are stuck here. Forever, and ever, and nothing can be done about it.

[...]

Means. It's impossible. There has to be more to discover, more to create.

Melvin. Well, by all means. Would you like your smartphone to have a terabyte of memory? Sure, we can do that. Do you want to go to Mars? Be our guest. You can stand there for 20 minutes and look at all the nothing, and then we'll bring you back.

Means. You just haven't tried enough. You haven't given yourselves enough time.

Melvin. Do you realize that it's been 500 years since we ran out? Do you realize how many epochs that is, by our standards? We invented the Atari 2600 on a Monday in the year 783. By Saturday, we had made the PlayStation 6. We know what it is like to discover so quickly we can barely process it.

In TTCC, science and technology is over. Not only is it over, but it’s been over for centuries. There’s no ideas left to discover, and no places worth exploring.

What’s left? Sports!

Melvin: You know, when I was younger, a lot of academics back home used to turn up their noses at sports. They were lowbrow wastes of time, they said. People were too obsessed with them. The unmissable insinuation being, of course, that they themselves were up to something more important.

We are small. We are nothing. We are such nothing that the universe does not acknowledge that we are even here, and it never will. Accept that. And now, stand on this line, and look at that quarterback, and drill the fuck out of him. Nothing you do will be more important, because nothing you do will be important.

It is quite well that we love sports. Because one day, sports will be the only adventures we have left. There will be nothing else to do, and for eternity.

A parallel, from 17776:

9: We don’t ... do anything, right? There’s nothing we’re supposed to be doing?

10: Nope. We completed our mission 15,000 years ago.

9: So now we just... hang out. We perpetually hang out. Just like all the people down there, we shoot the shit, and watch football, and waste time.

[...]

10: A human being will rarely admit this to you, but they tend to be terrified of living forever. They were born and raised with the understanding that their lives would end. They achieved everything they wanted to achieve, all the ills that plagued them.

10: And now boredom is their only enemy. And they get up in the morning and fight it every day of their eternal lives. Recreation and play sustain them. Football sustains them.

So far, this is just regular weird. It gets weirder!

Through a series of contrived explanations, it transpires that, to avoid an energy crunch resulting from running out of oil, the US has converted all football stadiums into solar power collectors.

Crouch. The government seized almost every sizable football stadium in the country, and retrofitted them into permanent, single-purpose buildings for one purpose. Collecting power. Football was left without a place to play.

Tebow. Just ... just take a season off football! Just wait until you build new stadiums somewhere else!

Crouch. The crisis had already left the economy staggering. Nobody had the money for all that, Timmy. College and pros combined, that's over a hundred huge stadiums you're asking for them to build, just like that.

Hall. More than that, then. Take five years off. Ten.

Crouch. I think you're overestimating the patience of the American people. They have moved on. Build all the stadiums you want. America has moved on.

[...]

Williams. Most NFL teams went out of business years ago. The rest play on old high school fields. A game might draw 500 people, if it's a big game.

Bois has constructed a fictional universe where nothing matters and human endeavor is pointless, except for sports, set a football player as the viewpoint character, then killed football. 

Voicemail message. Thank you for calling the Tim Tebow Football Studio. This Fall, save 20 percent when you sign up the whole family. Leave a message and we will be happy to return your call.

Nereida Volquez. Tim. Dante said he still hasn't heard back from you.

It's not healthy, Timmy ... you gotta let go of football. Come along with us, remember it and what you loved about it, but let it go. Think about it like this. Football was the most beautiful thing in the world, and you got to be there for the end of it. The end of what it was, anyway. Doesn't that make you feel lucky? To have seen it?

I just think about you sitting in the middle of that strip mall in the middle of Florida. Just baking in this big oven of ... I don't know, sadness?

Your reward for reading 40,000 words about a fictional game of football is... nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

So you can see why I’m perhaps hesitant to recommend that you read TTCC! Plus, if you’re reading this sentence, I spoiled the entire plot.

In any event, 17776 seems to be hitting many of the same plot beats. Superhumanly tough football players. Themes of stagnation and pointlessness. Google Earth zooms. I’m not confident about the ending!

①:

So, do I recommend Homestuck? Should you drop everything and start reading it?

You can’t. Homestuck is over, and I mean over, not just that it isn’t updating. “Homestuck,” the masterpiece, was the event, the community, the shifting pace of updates, the constant chatter between fandom and author. Homestuck is done. If you missed it, you missed it.

②: There isn’t a footnote 2, I just wanted to complain about Jon’s intolerably shitty Twitter feed. He’s a decent long-form writer, but in the Twitter format he seems to lean on the Family Guy-style “repetition is humor” joke.

For a year, he tweeted “welcome to college football saturday”, every Saturday, even when no college football games were actually happening, then wrote a post about it. Okay, sure, that’s annoying, but at least he had a minimal excuse for doing it. But he kept fucking going! His feed is full of minimally funny shit like this. He seems to understand his tweets are bad, but still refuses to stop tweeting. Screw you, Jon! You suck! Log off!!

[trebaolsmovingcastle]

@brimleymuffins

Thanks for the write-up. re: Your tags, I completely agree. I lived in China for a year and a half, completely with its own set of issues, but sometimes you did have to stop and say, ‘hey, that’s kinda fucked up, full stop’.

Yeah, I get the impression that sometimes that ‘don’t project your liberal western ideals’ thing is co-opted by anime fans or apologists trying to wiggle out of what is clearly a completely fucked up worldview.

I mean, we fucked Japan right up post war...we fucked up Japan pre-war bad too. Japan basically tried to play at being America or Britain, and ended up on the wrong side of history, Japan sometimes tries to get this as a pass saying ‘you guys were awful, we just wanted to keep up so we wouldn’t get conquered by you.’ and it’s like...yeah, we’re awful, and in a perfect world that would have more dramatic consequences than me sitting here being perfectly aware that my country has committed war crimes it isn’t being taken to trial for and not having any recompense for that.

I don’t know, there’s a lot in Japanese media that’s fucked up...and a lot that is FUCKED UP but also retains some semblance of artistic or creative merit. I’ve been struggling with Berserk lately, because ultimately I kinda like Berserk, but that’s probably more to do with how I like stories centering on nightmare realities where humanity is subject to cosmic horrors that are indifferent to us and especially those stories where someone tries to get past it, or overcome what is in effect a nearly impossible ordeal. The problem is that Berserk’s world is so awful, so just completely terrible, and foul, and gross...it’s really hard to defend or treat as a serious work. However, Berserk has begotten Dark Souls and Bloodborne, and the creator of those Hidetaka Miyazaki is a brilliant world builder and storyteller, who basically loves Berserk and was inspired to make his own media that’s brutal and at times gross...but is more approachable and tells a great story...but it exists because of this other really grim and intense story.

But...then you come west, and you have the boardgame that made more money on Kickstarter than anything ever Kingdom Death: Monster...and it basically receives a ton of flack for being incredibly gross, violent, and misogynistic. I tried the game the other day, and it’s fun, it’s a monster hunting, civilization building, choose your own adventure, narrative board game that is really well put together and very engaging...but the guy is functionally just lifting Berserk’s whole style and feel...and adding anime titty girls to the mix. It’s difficult to explain, because I like this boardgame, and I see the direct connection to Berserk...but this game and its creator feel like cheap imposters who happened to make a really great system, but missed the underlying conceits of Berserk and that style of story. I don’t know how to explain it...

It’s like...Berserk begats all of From Softwares games (Dark Souls, Demon Souls, Bloodborne) and also begats one of the biggest kickstarters of all time Kingdom Death: Monster...but whereas From Softwares stuff has a fantastic depth and analytical value to it, and Berserk clearly is important because a lot of media has tried to ape it and use it’s style and world feel...this board game, made by westerners, for a western audience...is really technically proficient and engaging...but it feels horribly tainted and wrong. It doesn’t help that the game creator regularly stands by the foulness of things in it as ‘if you’re offended get bent, it’s a fantasy world.’ I mean...even the world in it only works because it is so completely curbed from Berserk.

I’ve just been kicking around a lot of stuff lately about these things, Japanese media, western media, these games...why in some cases it feels easier to defend or at least appreciate one, but others it feels like there’s really no leg to stand on? I guess in Berserk it’s not expressly meant to titillate, the author isn’t regularly creating characters and art it seems with the express intent to say ‘look at this sexy shit in hereeeeee...LOOK AT THEM TITTIES, LOOK AT THIS FAT TIT CURVY TITTY SLAAAAVE’ whereas the creators behind this boardgame have completely poisoned their well by literally being like ‘you dig this nightmare world...what if we TITTY IT UP...YOU WANT SOME BIG ASS DANG OL’ HUGE ANIME TIDDIES AND A BIG PENIS MONSTER JUST READY TO GOBBLE THEM TITTIES RIGHT UP?!’ Like...my dude, you did fine making a horror monster hunting game in a blighted hellscape...why’d you have to do the warhammer thing and mistake your ideas source material as somehow a positive thing to experience.