#they were going to eden's and it would have been Neil's first time wearing them and i didn't want him to break his ankles fjskdjs

[wesninskijr]

@juliejoyfuls sooo I went in on this,, it's kinda all over the place ngl and I haven't read tkm or the additional content yet so there might be some that contradict canon,,, but I stay sillay :3

part 1: the upperclassmen first bc they're woefully underdeveloped. Part 2 monsters Soon

1. 🧡 Dan Wilds🦊- (I'll be using he/him pronouns bc of my trans hc :3 )

🐾 um Adam Parrish to the max. Getting all his money taken by his family and then cutting them off as soon as possible? "Trailer trash"? I couldn't believe the similarities. Bc of this he Hates for his space to get to messy. He's always going around picking up after his friends (unless he's drunk, then he sits in Matt's lap and doesn't worry about it).

🐾He likes Italian food the best

🐾Unironic pop music lover and will launch into a rant about how the 2000s were the best time for pop music

🐾Motherfucker who wears athletic wear exclusively

🐾 His tiktoks have vine energy bc he has an impeccable sense of when they boys are about to do something funny

🐾He likes to be organized but doesn't bother with a planner - he's a rebel like that. Besides what's on the calendar in the foxhole court lounge he keeps it all in his head (but he does utilize sticky notes)

🐾Matt is his peace. Matt knows when to stand up for him and when to be quiet (but Dan gives him hints by squeezing his nails into him).

🐾One time he did this sort of Gus Waters (tfios) thing where he laid down on the dorm floor and pretended to be dead and had everyone give an impromptu eulogy. He played it off as a joke but Matt suspected he was trying to get some reassurance about his place in the world.

🐾Despite sidestepping his own feelings, he's one of the more articulate and careful when it comes to helping his teammates. He has an uncanny ability to sense exactly what someone's struggling with emotionally and bring it up tactfully, like Neil taking too many classes

🐾Many things rage trigger him. Stupid people in class mostly, but he tries to keep it in check by ranting to Matt or the group chat when he feels like it would be a waste of time to yell at whoever he's mad at.

🐾Matt and Wymack are good to push and shove if he needs a physical outlet. They're also good to curl up to when Dan inevitably breaks down crying after a rage episode.

🐾I once saw a tiktok of a stripper that was like "when men give me all their money and think they're in love with me but I'm just a little autistic boy in a wig". Yeah thats him. He likes his stripper girlfriends and they like him because they're all scrappy and do what it takes to survive. Dan respects that in anyone.

🐾 When the monsters took him to Eden's he was Pissed the Fuck Off about being drugged and gave them all a mouthful for that for 45 minutes before it fully kicked in and he started to answer questions

🐾Likes "white trash" movies like the hangover and we're the millers. Been watching South park since he was a kid

🐾Sweet tooth boy :3 he loves candy, especially chocolate. Has Matt trained to catch m&ms in his mouth

2. 🧡Matt Boyd🦊 -

🐾He has this bumbumz named Matt on his bed. He has several stuffed animals because the upperclassmen (and Neil) buy them for him and he's not too masculine to keep them on his bed. They get ones that remind them of him like sharks and bears

🐾 He dresses like a redneck with bootcut jeans and boots on a normal day (Allison, throwing up)

I feel like him and Seth make out when they're drunk!!! I'm sorry I want this to be them

Dan and Allison both support it so they have a reason to tell Seth to shut the fuck up when he gets on Nickys case.

🐾This horrible bastard likes country music. Do not give him the aux cord. He also likes to hike when he can, to the see mountains and waterfalls. Renee and Dan are sometimes down. If seth and Allison come it's to drink around the bonfire.

🐾 Loves karaoke and likes to let his friends pick the song for maximum silly. Picture him doing Superstar by the Carpenters (Allison's choice) or Rockstar by nickelback (Seth's choice)

🐾He likes action movies and spy movies (John wick, James bond, and of course fast & furious)

🐾Will eat most food but he likes sushi best. He has this in common with Allison. Dan once got sick after eating sushi and will now barely touch it.

🐾When the monsters took Matt to Eden's Twilight he just rambled on about how he doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere. Not redneck enough for SC, not preppy enough to fall in with rich kids. How he feels like a fuckup rich kid doing it for attention, like he doesn't deserve to be a fox. Andrew was like jfc I didn't sign up to do emotional labor on this man. Matt feels good when he's high and with the upperclassmen tho.

🐾Absolutely holds a grudge for Andrew forcing him to get clean by making him too high and sick. Thinks its fucked up that Aaron got the same loving treatment and begrudges that Aaron won't talk to him about it.

3. 🧡Seth Gordon🦊 -

🐾 horrible ex scene kid. Has studded belts and fingerless gloves in his closet. I see him with snake bites and/or an eyebrow piercing. Don't give his ass the aux cord either - he likes Hollywood undead, 3OH!3, and msi. Also likes YouTube video game music that treads dangerously close to nightcore. Has dyed his hair black. Dunked on 1D but listened to blood on the dance floor

🐾Watches video game twitch streamers and would do that if he wansnt playing exy. Wants Allison to be his hot cat ears gamer girl bath water twitch gf. Allison doesn't hate the aesthetic but doesn't wanna give him the satisfaction simply because it would go directly to his dick

🐾Mr. Where's my redbull and vape. Allison or Matt has to make him eat breakfast.

🐾Definitely takes ab thirst trap pics in the gym mirror

🐾Dyscalculia king. Neil helps him with math and it's painful for everyone involved

🐾His trauma is giving Ron Anderson meets Ethan r&m to me. Gotta be something with his dad. He wakes up anxious and Matt has to calm his nerves by being stable and gives him any medicine he needs. If he heard a balloon pop during this time he would recreate Gordys Home.

🐾Does crackers and smokes weed, but he and Allison are the annoying couple that exclusively smokes together or he has to call/text her and ask

🐾He likes fast good best. Give him pizza, nuggets, fries, or taco bell and he's happy. He also mixes food together like Allison Reynolds (lol) from the breakfast club, like making a cereal sandwich.

🐾Matt and Allison split the work of taking care of him and it makes Seth sooo happy to have a dependable bro who likes him all the time and doesn't think he's an asshole

🐾Lets himself get dragged to whatever publicity events Allison has to do when she's back home with her family, even lets her put him in suits and style his hair instead of wearing a fucking Rick and Morty hoodie and sweats

🐾His favorite movies are 80s and 90s black comedies (Heather's lover JD kinnie)

4. 🧡Allison Reynolds 🦊-

🐾 also a pop music warrior of course but also definitely kpop (girl groups mostly). Definitely makes seth watch the videos and learn their names. Has a light stick for the concerts.

🐾She loves to wear heels and feels very natural in them. Very coordinated bc of this and is the hero that brings the drinks from the bar to the table.

🐾Buys Seth expensive man jewelry and doesn't care if he likes it, it's worth it for her to see him look nice

🐾She likes to be platinum blonde or at least have streaks in her hair

🐾Dyson hair tools warrior (I don't actually know what they're called bc I've only ever heard about them secondhand lol). Makeup expert. Does related brand deals for her insta

🐾Also a sushi warrior Claire Standish style and Seth thinks she's insane for it. Can take a Wasabi shot without blinking. Eats Wasabi peas as a snack (and feeds them to Renee).

🐾She likes reality TV like Jersey Shore and the Simple life. Her tiktok likes are filled with edits or people lip syncing iconic moments from them. Does not give a shit about movies, especially Matt and Seth's horrible man movies. She was so glad when Neil moved in and they had someone else to indoctrinate

🐾Hates having to drink wine and champagne at public events. She likes to drink vodka and get riggity riggity wreckedddd

5.🧡 Renee Walker🦊 -

🐾She loves blind bag toys. She has a weird power where the one she wants is a common one but she'll pull the ultra rare one she wasn't even looking for. She trades with Allison in this case.

🐾Her favorite movie candy is nerd clusters and she likes breakfast food the best :3 she's happy if you throw her an egg Mcmuffin any time of the day

🐾She listens to Christian contemporary and artists that started on Disney. The first CD she bought with her own money was Hillary Duff's Metamorphosis.

🐾Her first foray into hair dying was with kool-aid packs. Dip dying. Maybe if she'd known seth he would have given her raccoon tails with sharpies

🐾She likes to draw and write on her hands. She does it when she's anxious or wants to hurt herself (and Andrew isn't around to spar with). She likes to know she created something beautiful out of her bad feelings.

🐾Tiny butterfly clip girlie. The foxes are always stealing her tiny clips and bracelets. She's also got big keychain swag and they steal cute little trinkets for her keyring.

🐾Instead of a purse she carries a little backpack, maybe even a stuffed animal one, and always has a pocket for survival supplies. Bandaids, a knife, a lighter, even matches. It makes Dan feel safe to know that she's prepared (Dan won't carry a bag because he's Masc™).

🐾She likes to do conservative makeup Buffy Summers style with cute colorful eyeshadows and lip tints

🐾She's one of the only foxes that I have an actual fancast for - I've imagined her as Hunter Schafer from the start. This is Renee Walker to me.

[elkiyv]

my good omens 2 thoughts

yes i am crazy i have been waiting since they announced this and i have gomens has literally carried my mental health since 2019 but i have so many beefs with season 2 which made me so disappointed...

ineffable bureaucracy reveal. (BIGGEST GRIPE) im okay with the ship, i like it sometimes. but the reveal was not it. 0 set up to the 2 of them being together. they gave us a 10 min flashback sequence. 0 retention of their original personalities. 0 consequences for their actions in s1 from our main protags (especially crowley) who willingly gives away ALPHA CENTAURI to GABRIEL whose abuse he never got over. Jim isnt gabriel. Crowley should've been stomping gabriels head in when he got his memories back.

beelz and gabriel were so different during their little montage. i felt like i was looking at 2 different characters. Beelz lost their edge. they were so clean and proper. even the makeup--beelz had smooth skin and perfect edgy girl eyeliner. gabriel lost all mean-ness. where did the two's disgust for humanity go? beez actually liking music? a song about love?! i wouldve been happier if the jukebox was playing the sounds of a metal scrapper instead of buddy holly.

if they drank (WHICH GABRIEL IS REPULSED BY) they shouldve been lapping it like a dog with their tongue with the same unfamiliarity of aziraphale eating for the first time.

the dynamic between those 2 should've been two feral dogs going at each other to contrast the soft azicrow love because azicrow's bosses are the extreme opposites of them. the two of them were ruthless and cruel to the point where they wanted to execute azicrow and burn them out of existence. they give no shits about killing children or people or their own workers. what the fuck. they got off scott free without any punishment for what they did to azicrow in the first season. crowley was traumatised by gabriel and you're telling me all because Jim said he couldn't remember and was cute about hot choco that crowley forgave him entirely as Gabriel and not Jim and was willing to give up his creation to him?! really?

azicrow are the 2 beings who understand true love BECAUSE they were on earth. you're telling me that beelzebub and gabriel spent 4 meetings on earth and suddenly found true love and are suddenly SO SOFT and TENDER. really? REALLY? they antagonised azicrow for 6000 years over it to the point where they stalked them and harrassed them and sent people to kill them. augh. i cant be happy about this even though i do like them. it felt so ooc. I feel like they sanitised these 2. i was so disappointed.

i would've been much happier if the two of them were as ruthless and disgusting as they were in s1 and that they were dismissive toward everyone in the "whatre you gonna do about it losers lol middle fingers up to the posers" and if crowley protested somewhat. but no. everyone was fine with it.

2. Inconsistencies and retcons

there are so many set-ups that lead no where or had not so climatic reveals (the words on the matchbox, gabriel's memory word dumps, crowley suddenly wearing glasses in job) but i saw a post theory thing about it being intentional so im hoping it's real because the reveal of it being ineffable bureaucracy all this time !11!! was not it. it was so bad to me.

the retcon of the azicrow garden of eden meetcute... i refuse to believe neil would do that? i mean i loved the new opening meetcute no doubt, but crowley and aziraphale seem to remember the two of them as angels moment from the job scene where crowley says "im not the angel you knew" and idk... it makes me sad that the eden scene was... done over. it was iconic. it was about aziraphale showing a demon he just met love and kindness. not someone he used to know, who he already liked before.

In Job, aziraphale freaks out about being a bad angel because he lied to gabriel and therefore sabotaged gods bet and whatever. but he's already lied to god directly to herself in eden? why is he only freaking out now?

4. Muriel

i love muriel. but i was wondering the whole time why azicrow didnt just lie to her and say that humans who are standing together side by side and smiling are actually in true love. she wouldve believed it. heaven woulved believed it. azicrow know that they are stupid because they actively manipulate muriel like that by telling her that it takes several days to tell. and heaven was like "ya i knew that".

3. Maggie and Nina

i was really disappointed. i thought i was going to love them. i did not. their scenes made me cringe most of the time and i hated it because i felt like i was watching a wattpad fanfiction instead of tv. nina having an abusive partner also felt like a "ohh her partner sucks so logically maggie is her one true love and choice" thing. it wouldve worked without it. i dont care if it's supposed to be a reflection of the azicrow relationship because i felt like it like a cheap portrayal of aziraphale's relationship to heaven... heaven's abuse was subtle until the end where they wanted to execute him.

SUPER SUPER SUPER hated when maggie and nina confronted crowley about his relationship... and that THAT made him realise his feelings. THESE 2 HUMANS ARE INCONSEQUENTIAL TO CROWLEY. THEY DON;T KNOW HIM. HE DOESN'T KNOW THEM. crowley realising his feelings is such a special moment to his character. it wouldve been so much better if crowley realised it on his own. not his murderhobo bosses ""love"", not these 2 rando humans.

Like nina is fine on her own. but Maggie's cringe dialogue is also apparently intentional based on the 15k word essay theory ive seen. i hope it's real. i do so hope this awful character is an edit from metatron.

like why on earth would azirphale let them touch his books or give his books away for them. GIVE AWAY. not just "look". GIVE AWAY. LET THEM BE DESTROYED. why didnt he just miracle more fucking fire extinguishers???????

4. azicrow kiss

i have religious catholic guilt BUT i felt like aziraphale choosing heaven again was so frustrating as a viewer... because we've already been through this before in s1. he comfortably chose "US". i understand the point of aziraphale thinks he can fix heaven for crowley so the two can be together and i know it is probably in line with his character. but idk for me and my friends it was frustrating tv because there was 0 hints of aziraphale still leaning toward heaven. the emphasis of this season was "WE/US"

plus i HATE that it was driven by maggienina/bureaucracy. I HATE IT. i would be less mad if crowley came to the conclusion himself and did it himself.

"no nightingales" is a smashing line tho. really love it.

5. misc

aziraphales halo bomb thing was also a waste. there were 70 demons only and they already killed a hefty bunched. why couldnt he maggie and nina escape further down the floor or can aziraphale not smite anymore either? can he no longer wield a sword? can he not miracle like a wall in front of them? yes crowley loves rescuing him but aziraphale found it necessary to take action with the halo bomb.. idk it was a lil weird to me--such a huge thing for 70 demons.

6. overall

i liked episode 1-5. i liked the first ep maggienine but after that hated it. i loved jim and muriel. i was laughing every episode. i loved the new azicrow interactions we got to see and the flashbacks were so good. i loved that they extended it so we got to have a deep in depth look of them. the 15k word essay did point out sus things like in 1941 blitz having uncovered windows and open lights etc. so i hope it's real and not just ... unintentional bad writing. i just hated ep 6 with my whole heart. it sours the whole season for me.

[knox-knocks]

hello! congrats on 1k!! can i request a one shot with neil trying out stilettos, fishnets and make up + andrew's reaction? thanks! xx

hello!!! i was super excited for this request, thank you for sending it! it’s in bullet points if that’s alright though! 

It’s Neil’s second year at Palmetto and Halloween is coming up 

Neil has already decided that he does NOT want to dress up in a costume, no matter how much Nicky pleads with him

“You can’t show up to Eden’s without a costume!” Nicky exclaims for the fifth time. 

“There’s no rules that say I have to wear a costume,” Neil says, also for the fifth time.

Neil is debating staying at Palmetto while everyone else goes to Columbia anyway. He only decides to go with because the whole team is going (with the exception of a couple Freshmen, who have their own plans) and Neil wants every chance he can to have all of his Foxes together before Dan, Allison, and Renee graduate.

But still, he’s not going to dress in any of the stupid costumes Nicky keeps shoving in his arms. (An astronaut? Really? Neil looks like he’s wearing a fishbowl on his head).

“I just don’t get the point of dressing up in weird costumes when I can just wear what I usually wear. One night of the year shouldn’t be any different,” Neil says while he’s hanging out with Dan and Allison in their room. He’s slouched against their couch, taking up two cushions, his feet thrown over one of the arms. 

“You don’t have to wear a costume, Neil.” Dan points out. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” Neil throws his hands in the air, nearly knocking over the opened bottle of nail polish Allison is balancing on her knee. “I don’t have to dress up.”

“That’s not what she’s saying.” Allison peers down at Neil with an immaculate eyebrow raised. When he stares at her blankly, she rolls her eyes with a faux-exasperated sigh. “Halloween is the time to try new things, too. You don’t have to dress as a zombie but you can dress up, if you want. If you decide you don’t like it afterwards, you don’t have to wear it ever again.”

Neil scrunches up his face. “What would I wear? My Eden’s clothes are fine.”

“That’s up for you to decide. Just think about it. And if you need any help, you know where to find me.”

Neil thinks about it, but he’s still unsure. 

So he decides to enlist for Allison’s help. 

When he arrives at the girls’ dorm, Allison and Nicky are waiting for him.

“Neil why didn’t you say you didn’t want to wear a costume!” Nicky says. If it weren’t for the joking glint in his eye Neil might have throttled him. He’s still thinking about it.

The three of them spend the better part of the night planning. Allison and  Nicky propose different styles of clothes, compare fabrics, and debate colors while Neil chooses which ones he likes best. After a couple hours, Allison and Nicky have a pretty good idea what Neil might like to try. They order him a couple clothes and send him on his way.

Neil doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. The clothes they ended up picking were a lot different than he’s used to. He’s not quite ready for crop-tops, no matter how Allison pleaded and begged, but Neil thinks he’ll be a bit more comfortable in the clothes he picked out. It’s not jeans and a comfortable hoodie, but it might work. And if Neil is being honest with himself, there is a spark of interest, of curiosity in his chest. It is only one night, and Neil doesn’t have to commit, but it is something different, something new. 

Halloween rolls around and Neil finds himself being pulled into the girls’ dorm once again. 

Dan and Matt were already dressed. They sat together on the couch; Frankenstein and his bride. Matt’s hair is still heavily gelled so that it sticks straight up. He holds strands of Dan’s hair for her while she vigorously teases it up with a comb. When they catch sight of Neil, Matt gives a happy wave and Dan calls out a muffled greeting. 

Allison has set out an array of makeup on the coffee table and is working on applying it to her face, a tall witch’s hat perched on her head. She is about halfway through with the purple glitter on her eyelids when she turns around and motions for Neil to grab the bag of clothes next to her. 

Inside, Neil finds the clothes Allison ordered for him online. 

The shirt is made out of an expensive material; black mesh with a dark red undershirt that feels like silk. It’s soft in Neil’s hands, and Neil sets it down carefully on the bathroom sink. The next thing he grabs is the pair of black shorts. Neil was a little wary about them. They were shorter than his running shorts, and what little fabric would cover Neil’s legs was ripped “artfully” as Nicky put it. Still, Neil didn’t want to just wear the fishnets. 

The fishnets. 

The last thing Allison bought. The thing Neil is most wary about. 

Neil reaches into the bag and drew out the red fishnet stockings. They seem smaller than they are supposed to be, but the fabric is stretchy and doesn’t seem too hard to get on. 

Neil gets dressed quickly and twists around, studying the clothes on his body and deciding how he feels about them. 

They fit nicely. The shorts are tight and high-waisted, hugging his hips and thighs, but not uncomfortably so. The shirt is a bit looser, and while the material is pretty sheer, Neil can’t see any of his scars peaking through. He smooths his hands down his sides. The fabric is comfortable and easy to move around in. 

Allison is right. The fishnets do make his legs look good. He thought perhaps he likes them. 

When Neil left the bathroom, Matt lets out a low whistle. Dan looks him up and down and grins while Allison considers him, a manicured finger tapping her lip. Renee had appeared in the time it took for Neil to get dressed, and she gave him a smile and a small thumbs up.

“Am I done?” Neil asks. 

“Tuck in your shirt and come here,” Allison commands and turns back to her display of makeup. 

Neil does as he’s told and plops down next to Allison. Allison peruses her collection of glitters and shadows before plucking a long tube from a pile of other long tubes.

“How do you feel about mascara?”

Neil squints suspiciously at the sleek purple tube. “I’d prefer not to have my eyes poked out.”

Dan snorts from the other side of the couch and Allison gives him an unimpressed look. 

“Fine. Your eyelashes are already pretty dark, you ungrateful bastard.” Allison sets down the purple tube and grabs something else. “But I want you try some eyeliner. It’ll make your eyes pop.”

“How is that any better?”

“Don’t be a baby and give me your face.”

Allison places a hand on the side of Neil’s face and draws him closer. A couple careful strokes of the pencil later, and she leans back to consider her work. She tilts her head from side to side and adds a couple more strokes below his eyes as well. 

When she releases him, Neil blinks, resisting the urge to rub at his eyes. Allison already has another thing of makeup in her hand when Neil is sure his eyes aren’t going to water and ruin everything. 

“What does that do?” Neil asks. 

“It’s highlighter. This one’s more glittery so it’ll look great under the lights at Eden’s.”

“You’re gonna glow,” Matt chirps, startling Neil. He’s almost forgotten Dan and Matt were here as well. 

“Okay,” Neil says. He trusts her. When Neil got back from Evermore his Freshman year, it was Allison who painted over Neil’s mottled bruises and made him look good as new. A smile curves Allison lips and she flicks open the lid and applies the powder along Neil’s cheeks with a soft brush.

“Lastly,” Allison says “is lip gloss.”

She unscrews the lid and takes out the wand. Neil licks his lips, debating whether he should let Allison apply it on him. He nods his head.

“It’s only a tint,” Allison says quietly, focusing on covering Neil’s lips with a glossy layer, “but it’ll make your lips look nice and pink and,” Allison wipes a bit of lip gloss away from where it got on Neil’s skin, “kissable.”

Neil huffs a laugh. “Kissable?”

“It’s also strawberry flavored.” Allison smirks. “But don’t you dare lick your lips.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Neil scowls. He was absolutely going to.

Dan gives Neil one of her chokers to wear and helps him hook it round his neck. It’s not as tight as Neil thought it would be, it’s actually pretty comfortable. He laces up his boots and straightens up to find the Upperclassmen watching him.

“Okay, you’re done,” Allison says, nodding approvingly. “Now let’s go party.”

Andrew is waiting in the parking lot for Neil and the others to come down. Neil has the pleasure of seeing him before he spots Neil. He’s leaning against the Maserati with a cigarette propped lazily between his fingers and his lips. His hair is slicked back with gel, and the vampire costume is predictably, black. The only thing he’s wearing that isn’t black is the white button down shirt that looks like it belongs in the original Dracula movie and the inside of the cape, which is a blood red. Neil wonders if he even has fake fangs. 

Andrew takes a drag from his cigarette and glances up as Neil approaches. His eyes lock on Neil’s face and the hand holding his cigarette drops an inch from his lips and freezes. Neil tries not to look too pleased when Andrew’s eyes drag down his body and linger on each new article of clothing. 

“What are you supposed to be,” Andrew grunts. He drops the cigarette and grinds it out with the heel of his shoe. 

“Dracula’s boyfriend,” Neil says and earns a supremely unimpressed look from Andrew. 

“Alright let’s go!” Nicky shouts, running to the Maserati in his golden gladiator costume. “Preferably before it gets dark and Eden’s runs out of tequila!” 

Andrew’s gaze is heavy on Neil’s. When Neil grins, a smug smile curving his lips, Andrew’s eyes drop to his mouth. His throat bobs. 

“It’s strawberry flavored,” Neil says. Andrew’s eyes snap back up to his.

The lip gloss doesn’t last throughout the night. Neil thinks he likes these new clothes.

[phantaloon-books]

I was rereading the iconic reunion at baltimore and this came to me and I can't not write it (even though I have a half finished chapter waiting to be written for a fic for a whole different fandom but who cares right)

in which neil regrets realizes that the feds were on to something when they talked about witness protection program. brace yourselves, it's angst time bby. please bear with me, I don't write stuff like this, content and format wise.

so everyone knows what goes down in baltimore. everyone knows that famous college exy striker for the foxes neil josten has been the son of the butcher of baltimore all along, and that smth happened after he was kidnapped and tortured that resulted in the butcher and some associates to be killed. everyone knows that neil walked out alive, injured but alive. so when a few weeks, months later, associates of the butcher start getting raided and taken in custody, everyone knows exactly who opened his little mouth and revealed everything he knows (bc there's literally no one else who could know this stuff and would be willing to share with the fucking feds, no one has a death wish)

It's a slow process. It starts with the feeling of not being safe, which is ridiculous, because he hasn't been quite as safe as he is right now, with the foxes, his family, and most importantly with Andrew. They're on summer break, technically speaking, even if they're at campus for practice because they gotta train the new foxes. They're barely doing anything than hanging out together and training, but still Neil can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, that someone is watching him, but he doesn't say anything, because it doesn't make sense, he's just being paranoid, there's no need to panic.

Neil can swear he's being watched. He feels the dread whenever he's out of the dorm, when he's out running, when they go out to eat something, when they go to the mall, on their way to practice, at Eden's. But when he looks around there's no one looking, it's been weeks and nothing has happened, he hasn't seen anyone.

Neil can tell Andrew is growing suspicious of the way he checks out a place, the way his eyes trace every corner, every exit, because he's starting to fall back in old habits, and he knows Andrew hates it. But Andrew doesn't ask, he knows that Neil will speak when he feels ready, so he lets it go, even if he can't quite let got of the worry clawing at his heart.

But everything keeps going normally, things are fine, everything is fine fine fine. Neil doesn't talk about it, but it's fine really. Until it's not fine at all, but it's also too late to talk now because his head is fuzzy and throbbing, and he feels like he might throw up and he feels pain even if he's not sure where the pain is coming from. But he can't do anything now, he can't tell Andrew how he's been feeling dread for weeks, because a man whose name he doesn't even know but whose face is awfully familiar is standing right in front of him where he lies on the floor, and the situation is also awfully familiar.

Stop being a martyr. Oh Andrew would kill him. If Neil gets out of this alive, Andrew will kill him, because he left again. He didn't want to, he really didn't. He was out on a run while Andrew was in therapy with Bee and Aaron, a couple miles away from fox tower, when a car pulled up right in front of him, two men wearing hoods and sunglasses stepping out and standing in front of him. He came to a halt, trying his best to keep calm because who the hell were these men and what did they want and for fucks sake can this just stop? It would have been smart to turn around and try to get back to the tower but he can't ever keep his mouth shut can he?

"Look I don't know who you are, I don't care what you want, but you're in my way, so move away if you know what's best." He intended to go for more sarcastic, but he was doing his best not to panic, so that had to do.

"You're coming with us, get in the car, or we'll do this the hard way." Their voices said they wouldn't hesitate, but Neil laughed anyway, that smile he knew was the Butcher's resting on his lips. Anything to make the men leave. He opened his mouth and then- "The Minyard twins are at Dr. Dobson's office. Reynolds, Walker, and Wilds are at the mall. Hemmick, Boyd and Day are in the dorms. The newbies are at the dorms as well. Come with us the easy way and we'll let them walk out of their respective places alive, Nathaniel."

And he was fucked. Of course he hadn't been safe, he would never be safe. In fact no one he cared about would ever be safe. He should have known better. But he wasn't going to let the foxes be harmed.

"How do I know you won't kill them anyway?" The snark was gone, the smile vanished. His face was blank and dangerous, because he'd done this before. "I don't even know who you are, you're obviously not the big guys, and I don't remember seeing your faces."

"We don't want to attract unnecessary attention. All we care about is you. If you come, you spare us all the trouble. As for who we are, let's just say someone is pissed at the piece of shit that ruined everything."

"The Butcher's friends then. I can't argue with that, it's a habit of mine to fuck up. Ichirou won't be too happy if something happened." He played his strongest card but fuck it. The Moriyamas owed him protection, Ichirou himself had made a deal with him.

"The moment they turned their backs to the Wesninski and made a deal with Hatford, those Japanese shits mean nothing to us." These were desperate men apparently. If the Moriyamas were nothing, the FBI was even less. "Time is running Nathaniel, decide. You or them?"

Andrew would kill him, but they'd talked about it before. Neil had told Andrew. If it means losing you, then no. He would not put himself first. Hell, he'd told the others before, the Foxes were all he had, he wasn't going to risk them for himself, not for anything. He needed to keep them safe.

So now he's lying on the cold wooden floor of some house or shed or whatever, drowsy from whatever they drugged him with once he got in the car, and in pain after being beaten for the last hour or so. He didn't bother asking the man (who is obviously in charge and sent the two men) for a name, and honestly he still doesn't plan to. What was the point of that anyway? He just looks up at the cold brown eyes of the man standing over him, Neil's face as neutral as he could keep it despite the fear of not making it out alive threatening to pull him under. The man just stares at him, calculative eyes and cruel smile, and Neil can't take it.

"What, so you're just gonna stand there? I have better shit to do." He hears the slur in his voice, wonders if it's just the drugs or something else. A concussion is likely. He's met with silence, so he closes his eyes and lays his head down. Fuck he's tired of these situations. He truly will never be safe, no one will-

"You know, I was expecting so much more from you Nathaniel," the man says with a laugh, "I was told that you'd put up a fight, I thought this would be fun. They said you'd beg for your precious life, but you haven't even made an effort."

Whoever his source was, they definitely do not know Neil, or Nathaniel for that matter. Not only is he not going to risk the men hurting the others, but he isn't going to fight, not against so many of them, not when running would be more likely to get him out alive. He isn't going to let them know that. "First go fuck yourself, and second, this isn't remotely close to entertaining to what I've been through, maybe if it was more interesting."

What does Andrew say? Regret is worthless? It seems right, because he can't find regret in what he said, even if his face is a bloody mess (what's new?) and his body shakes with shivers, after his head is held underwater so many times. No, he doesn't regret it. Instead he finds himself laughing a hollow thing.

"Y'know at least others have had a point, this time it's just for the fun of it, and it's not being much fun." His voice cracks a couple times, hoarse from coughing up water.

"You're right though, it is for fun. You cost me absolutely everything Nathaniel. Did you know the feds and the Moriyamas have been after us for months? Hunting us like we're rabbits, all because you decided to be a dipshit and open your mouth. You should be dead. You should have died ten years ago, back in March, anytime. All your existence caused us is trouble. And ratting us to the feds wasn't enough was it? No you told Ichirou all of the Butcher's men were loose ends, too." The man took a deep breath, composing himself. "So yes Nathaniel, this is for fun. This is payback, you've cost many lives, this is retribution for speaking, and I'm gonna enjoy seeing you have fun for as long as I can."

At some point, after hours, he's left alone in the dark, in the cold. He knows he’s in pain. He’s pretty sure his arm is broken, and so are several ribs. He knows he should be in a lot of pain, but he's just numb. Regret is worthless. Because even if he feels even worse than how he felt last winter at Evermore, he doesn’t regret it. He can’t be sure the guy’s men were truly going to kill the Foxes, but he doesn’t regret coming here to make sure the others don’t suffer more than they already have because of him. He wonders if Andrew will forgive him. He didn’t leave proof that he didn’t want to leave this time. Would Andrew think he left them - him? God, he hopes not. Would Andrew look for Neil or leave it thinking that Neil wanted to leave?

It doesn’t really matter, though. Neil is so tired. This time isn’t like when he was on the run or when he went to Evermore or when Lola took him. While with the Ravens, Kevin knew he was there at least, if anything were to happen, a person would know where to look somehow. At Baltimore, several people knew the most likely place to find him; Uncle Stewart, the Hatfords, Kevin again. He has no idea of where he is, or who took him, and no one knows he’s been taken in the first place. No one will ever find him.

Maybe it’s better that way, he thinks. No one will have to deal with the burden of him or his disappearance or his death, because no one will know. The simple thing would be to assume he ran. He hopes they assume he ran. Maybe they’ll be hurt, but haven’t they been expecting him to run? They won’t make it to championships without him considering Jack is an awful striker, but Kevin will manage. Andrew - Andrew is the one who expects him to run the most, maybe he’ll take it nicely. Neil hopes he takes it nicely. Guilt blossoms among the nothingness in his chest, but he can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to. It’s better this way. No one will find him, but that’s fine. He wonders what the Moriyamas will do. He doesn’t want to think about that. He thinks of Andrew, the kisses, the care, the love, the nights spent together. Thank you, you were amazing. He wishes he could tell him how much he cares one last time. He feels something wet slip down his face. He can’t tell if it’s water, blood or tears. He sighs. He thinks of Andrew, and his eyes slip close.

[codename-adler]

...dance 'til you find someone to die for...

What if instead of Seth, Riko tried to get rid of Aaron?

Chapter 16 ♟️ [table of contents]

(CW: medical inaccuracies, ableist language, swearing, mental health issues, alcoholism + drug addiction)

Halloween came chucking itself in their faces like a balloon filled with thumbtacks.

The others had gone costume shopping, and even the upperclassmen had been invited for the night at Eden’s Twilight. Aaron had moved back into the dorms for good despite his wheelchair situation, and Seth had taken his place at Abby’s, his arm stuck in a sling and his heart stuck in a lonely cage.

Aaron did remote learning, his teachers accommodating him by installing little live-cams in each of his classes. Luckily enough, the Foxes’ schedules were fitting Aaron’s in such a way that he was never alone in his dorm during the day, each Fox having a free period to offer him. He stayed in his room unless it was Nicky, sometimes Renee, or Kevin.

Oh, and Aaron was also relearning to walk.

He practiced inside his room, away from unkind or too-kind eyes. He didn’t really want to make it a surprise, but he really didn’t want anyone walking in on him, well, walking. He either did it with Abby or Nicky’s help, who for once shut up about it, or he tried alone, which resulted in many new bruises and one big scare when he fell face first into the kitchen counter.

And it’s not like Aaron had forgotten how to walk, like a “teeny-tiny baby”, as Nicky constantly teased him, but his legs just weren’t as strong as they had been before and he also needed to learn how to walk in a way that was safe for his organs’ recovery. Aaron hated the whole thing. And then on top of that, Halloween. Andrew knew, of course, what Aaron was doing behind closed doors, because Andrew knew everything somehow, but he still mocked Aaron mercilessly with costume ideas “for the crippled” that his drug-crazed mind found absolutely hilarious. While Nicky went for a sparkly space cadet for himself and a cowboy thingy for Neil, Andrew bought nothing but fake blood. Aaron decided on the comfiest and least complicated costume, one that would also piss off Andrew: a neon orange convict suit. Kevin would probably wear his Exy uniform, again, and call it a night.

But when the time came to go out on the 31st, Kevin was decidedly not wearing his Exy uniform. He was wearing a uniform, though. He was sporting very tight, although bloodied, doctor’s scrubs, and the tightness of the costume had nothing to do with its fit and everything to do with Kevin’s too-well sculpted body. Nicky was this close to wiping drool off his face all night, if it weren’t for Andrew’s dangerous glare. Nicky forwent drooling completely when Aaron walked out, on his own two feet, into the common area of their dorm, because instead he started shedding tears of pride and joy. Neil simply looked at Aaron curiously, probably wondering how long it would take for Aaron to crumble down. Andrew said nothing, didn’t even look at him, which was to be expected. Kevin… just nodded, but with a glint of something in his eyes. Akin to pride, but more… knowing? Like he knew Aaron could do it. Like he knew Aaron would do it.

Overwhelmed by the walking and the staring, Aaron ushered everyone out to go out and start the terrible night. They still brought the wheelchair with them, just in case, but Aaron would mostly do some sitting, only walking between Fox Tower and the car, and then from the car to Eden’s. There would be no trouble tonight for Aaron.

Aaron thought that until he was faced with the evidence that tonight’s main attraction would be alcohol.

For Aaron, it was more an inconvenience than anything else, as his meds and healing injuries forbade any drinking. But either Kevin had found sneaky ways to drink behind Aaron’s back and in everyone’s faces, or the Foxes really paid no attention to him unless he was inconveniencing them, because everybody, except Andrew, was surprised to see that Kevin wasn’t knocking back shots with everyone else. The upperclassmen mostly shrugged it off and went partying on the dance floor, but Neil and Nicky were more suspicious. After a few more minutes of accusing stares, unrelenting probing, and many vicious taunts by Andrew, Kevin finally got up from his seat and went to lose himself in the crowd. Only Aaron noticed how hard his hands were shaking

Usually Aaron followed Kevin’s lead on how he wanted to proceed with his sobriety, but tonight, he didn’t know what the terms were. He didn’t know if he had to watch Kevin to stop him before he reached his limit, or if he just had to watch him drink until his liver gave out. Aaron also didn’t know how much walking he could do before it was too much, before it was harmful to his wounds' healing process. He did know that leaving Kevin alone was the wrong move to make.

With great difficulty, he stood up under Andrew’s bored stare (or… supervision, perhaps?) and walked away from their table in search of Kevin. He was nowhere to be found on the dance floor, nor was he breaking his promise at the bar. That left only one place to hide an alcoholic in recovery.

For once, the club’s restrooms were empty, except for that one cabin. Kneeling over the toilet, Kevin was throwing up like a man who had drunk way past what his body could take. Except Kevin hadn’t consumed even one sip of a drink tonight. That's when Aaron knew he was witnessing the textbook definition of a total and immediate withdrawal.

As long as he was with Aaron, Kevin didn’t have exposure to alcohol, so the temptation was kept at bay. Of course, when he was left to his own devices, tequila and vodka remained Kevin’s best friends. He must have drank earlier in the day, perhaps even at breakfast, and Aaron had been too busy ogling Kevin’s costume to notice the sweet and subtle smell of alcohol, or to realize he had failed to protect Kevin from himself. And now here… With the other Foxes, bottomless shots and Aaron watching him too closely… He had been facing his demon thirsty, helpless and guilt-ridden.

It couldn’t have been good.

Tears of exhaustion and effort ran down Kevin’s cheeks. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his arms shook with how strong his grip was on the toilet seat, his spine jutted out through his hunched back and sweat-soaked scrubs. Aaron immediately went for Kevin as he tried to get up from the floor. He wasn’t supposed to lift heavy things, but it was better to push through now rather than later, when Kevin had drowned himself in the toilet. Kevin’s whole body was trembling as he gripped the closest sink, his knuckles turning white. Aaron let him go, still reticent, and stared at Kevin in the mirror as the man started dry heaving painfully

It took a while before Kevin lifted his head up and straightened his back, but when he did, it took no time at all before he met Aaron’s gaze. They stood there, watching each other, for God knows how long, until Aaron broke the silence.

“Kevin.”

Kevin’s only reaction was to lower his head and avoid Aaron’s eyes in the mirror. Aaron was hesitant to approach more, but Kevin didn’t answer him, as if he hadn’t heard him at all. He knew then that only a bucket of ice-cold water or a warm soothing touch would make Kevin snap out of it. He went for the latter.

But he didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know where or how to touch, didn’t know what the terms were, so instead, even though he hated it, he relied on what he’d seen Andrew do: he grabbed the back of Kevin’s neck and squeezed.

Kevin jerked his head up then. He made eye contact with Aaron’s reflection, his stare hard.

“Don’t.”

Aaron jerked his hand away, as if he’d been burned.

“Don’t… You’re not Andrew.”

That ignited Aaron’s blood.

“Fuck you.”

“No, I didn't mean it like that! Don’t- Don’t be like him…”

Oh.

“What do you want me to do, then?”

Kevin went to sit by the tiny and slightly-opened window in the corner of the restroom. He crossed his arms, more to hug himself than to show annoyance.

“I can’t leave you like this. You’re a danger to yourself, and I’m done with working out for today. You’re heavy, you know that?” Aaron went on, trying to get anything out of Kevin.

Kevin only shut his eyes in response, breathing with much difficulty. If Aaron did nothing, he knew Kevin would get meaner by the second and lash out any minute. But Kevin finally answered him

“Talk. You’re good with words.”

And what the fuck.

No he wasn’t.

Aaron opened his mouth nonetheless. And it was like the story had been there before he even knew he’d need it.

“The first time my mother ever laid a hand on me was when I yelled at her for refusing to lend me money. We needed food. She rarely spent money on anything else but pills… We were used to screaming matches, but I guess she’d finally had enough of my fucking face. She slapped me. Quite hard, for a first time. It was pure and raw anger. Never seen her like that before. Her eyes became so wide, but not, like, in remorse or surprise… It was like, she had finally realized she could do that to me, to shut me up. I remember how it burned, on my cheek, after she hit me, and in my stomach, after I saw her lips purse with determination. I knew then that it wasn’t over at all. It was just starting. She started slapping me again, over and over and over. Open palm, back handed, closed fist, you name it. I got them all. Her blows were so hard I even fell to the floor. She sat on me and went on unbothered. Sometimes, the blankness of her face then, I can see it on Andrew's…” Aaron swallowed thickly. “Anyways. She stopped when my lip split and she got blood on her hands. I mean, I think that’s why she stopped… Maybe her hand was just tired, or the itch to use came back stronger than her desire to hit her son. I always wondered why she really stopped… Why not go on until the job was finished, you know? That would’ve been easier. But… Now I’ll never know.”

Aaron shrugged, looking at the floor, while silence filled the room.

“Yeah… You are good with words… Your stories are shit though.”

Aaron bit back a scoff and a small smile, and flipped Kevin off. The man's breathing had slowed down a bit, but his hands were still shaking terribly. Aaron moved to join him by the window as Kevin closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the glass. When Aaron sat beside him, Kevin exhaled deeply, but that must have been nothing more than a simple coincidence. Aaron looked up at Kevin’s wet hair, not feeling disgusted in the slightest, and remembered that night when Kevin had stayed with him by the couch. It gave him an idea, or rather, an impulse he couldn’t refrain from. He gave in.

“Hey, Kevin…” he said in a low voice.

Kevin opened one eye and looked down at Aaron, who, even sitting down, was still much shorter than him. As Kevin watched him, Aaron slowly raised a hand towards his forehead.

“Okay?” Aaron asked, his real question unsaid.

But Kevin understood. “Okay.”

As Aaron’s hand pushed back his hair, away from his eyes, Kevin closed them again, and exhaled more freely. They stayed that way for a long, long time, Kevin nodding off fitfully as Aaron stayed wide awake with his hand playing in Kevin’s hair. They only left hours later, when Andrew texted him “bye.” as signal to call it a night and go back to the Columbia house. It only took Aaron removing his tired hand for Kevin to open his eyes, suddenly very conscious of their bodies. But there would be time to think about this later.

They had time. Later, they thought.

They piled into Andrew’s car, feeling at peace despite the unfortunate circumstances of their lives. For both Kevin and Aaron, the road behind had been extenuating, and the road ahead seemed exhausting still. Except tonight, for the first time in forever, it felt like life was finally giving them a break. There had been no relapse tonight, for neither of them. There had been no fight, no unbearable pain, no harm done. There had only been peace and quiet.

Both men remembered the feeling of the other’s touch, and that was enough for now. That was enough to stay calm, to stay in the moment, to stay out of the crippling doubt waiting for them to let down their guard.

It was enough. They were enough.

Soon, they could learn to live, not just survive.

Soon, the dark days would be gone, and they would no longer need to fight.

If they could just hold on for a little while longer… If they could even hold on to whatever it was that they shared, too, then it would be over soon.

Soon…

(read on Ao3 here !)

[i-did]

Ok ok this may be a dumb question but we'll see, what are your thoughts on bdsm + andreil? The vast vast majority of these types of fics have Andrew as the dom (and I get why) BUT theres 1 dom Neil fic and I'm like 99% sure I think I saw u comment on it so I'm assuming ur reading it and enjoying it too. And tbh, I find it much better than pretty much all the dom Andrew stuff, I hadnt realised the potential dom Neil could have until I read it. But anyway, I wanted ur thoughts? 🤲 (this is so badly phrased I apologise)

Lmfaooo being perceived is so weird. I hope I didn't say anything because I remember commenting on that fic and thinking about commenting something about my personal sex life, but I don't remember if I did lmfaooo. Omg okay, all that aside–time to now respond to this seriously.

Okay regarding that specific fic, yeah I read a lot of AFTG fics of all types, I haven't read something NSFW in a while, but when I saw the ‘Dom!Neil’ tag I decided to give it a shot. It’s interesting seeing how other authors go about their ideas and just enjoying their story. It doesn’t align with my personal ideas of everything obviously, but those are my personal HC and that fic is that authors personal HC. I like that they’re exploring something that this fandom doesn’t see explored a lot and is just a fun read, lol. Honestly I give up on most BDSM fandom fics because the depiction of Neil makes me uncomfortable ...almost always. I agree a lot more with this fics concept of how they would explore power vs control in a BDSM sexual sense, than most Dom!Andrew Sub!Neil fics– which I have long ago stopped trying to read.

Okay here are my personal ideas about Andrew and Neil, and how they would explore sex.

Many NSFW HC below the cut:

I personally don’t think canon Andrew and Neil would go into BDSM culture or ascribe to either roll strictly. I feel they wouldn’t like established dynamics like that and would get turned off by that aspect, especially since Andrew both craves control of situations but fears ‘being like them’ and a lot of Dom play is about power dynamics that he wouldn't be comfortable with. Andrew sees power in sex as different as control during sex. He needs a controlled environment, and be in control of the other by having them listen to his boundaries, but he can’t feel he’s overpowering the other person. I don’t think he could do a lot of strictly Sub things either for similar reasons, he would feel like he's giving up control of the situation in a way that could make him very uncomfortable.

Neil on the other hand is also often portrayed as a very textbook sub, but I don't think he is. I see him written as a brat a lot, but personally I don’t see him doing that since a lot of what playing with a brat is, is giving them what they want and denying them what they want and them ‘defying you’ and stuff. It's like a form of playful miscommunication I don't see Andrew or Neil ever actually doing. Obviously all healthy and proper play is outlined and discussed beforehand, but I see Andrew and Neil as needing the actions themselves to be clear and cut and dry.

Neil also gets off on Andrews pleasure, Andrew is the same about Neil, they're almost like a feedback loop of “the other enjoying themselves is inherently hot.” to me, Neil getting off on other people (Andrew) getting off is a very Dom like quality. In turn, Andrew is very turned on by pleasuring Neil, but from the point of his knees, which is almost sub like, he is turned on by sucking someone else off and seeing how into it they are. Either way, I think they both wouldn’t be into hardcore BDSM or BDSM culture but also aren’t vanilla. I don’t see either of them going to leather clubs instead of Edens and going to Folsom Fair and joining BDSM social groups and stuff.

I also don’t think either would ever use titles for the other, I think they don’t call each other by their names often on a day-to-day basis, since usually the people were talking to already know their name, and we don’t need to use it for clarification. I do think–just like in canon with emotionally charged moments–names will be used with more emphasis, especially Abram which is not used frequently.

Side note about my Jewish Neil HC: Judaism rocks because sex isn’t shamed, but rather considered a blessing and a holy act. In fact, it’s a good thing to have sex on Shabbat, G-d is actively like ‘fuck yeah you little humans, enjoy life’s pleasures and each other's company’ sex was designed to feel good and a way to connect. Shabbat is all about human connection with those important to us, and a day of rest away from work, so sex on Shabbat is actually actively a good thing. I don’t think Neil is ever religiously Jewish, but Andrew making a joke about this once would be peak to me. Which also fits Abram, a very Jewish name I HC to be not just Neil’s middle name but his Jewish name, and is used in said holy context of sex.

I think like a lot of healthy adults who are sexually active, they will explore and will be more adventurous to try new and other things, especially when dealing with issues like waning to get off but having touch aversion and issues like that. I have a lot of sex life HC about them actually, ways they navigate erectile dysfunction, mental health, and what they like in a safe environment. They trust each other, and I like imagining different ways aspects of their relationship would change or evolve in my head in all different types of ways, including sexual. I also enjoy giving them kinks and inclinations I specifically don’t have, because it’s like me exploring the concept of why someone else might like something even though I personally don’t. I’m not imagining things that make me uncomfortable necessarily, just things I'm neutral on or don’t see the appeal of, but know why they appeal to others and try to imagine what these characters might think.

I feel canon Andrew and Neil explore sex and dynamics that make them comfortable, I have HC about Andrew possibly exploring pup play and wearing a collar for Neil partially as a “joke” in the beginning, but discovering they really like it. I also HC Neil is really into athletic stuff sexually, he thinks Andrew half dressed with his padding still on and a jock strap is just peak sex appeal. I also think Neil is very sensory, and makes associations with smells and senses easily, so he develops a sweat kink, which leads into his armpit kink. Neil isn't turned on by ‘the bad smell of sweat’ but rather the fact that when Andrew is sweaty he smells like Andrew a lot, rather than after a shower he smells more like soap, and he can’t smell Andrew as much. Andrew on the other hand prefers cleaner sex. He’s not triggered by dirty sex though– he used to suck guys off at an alt dance club and is used to the smell of sweaty balls, it's just not an active turn on. Neil has ‘nothing is hotter than Andrew wearing running shoes and socks, and only running shoes and socks’ energy to me too. I think Andrew feels good about himself in leather, but isn't going to be a leather daddy and wear the leather assless chaps and the cap, he will wear the leather harness that every gay wears to pride, but he wears it just for Neil. Also, Neil loves Andrews pecs, Neil’s kinda a boob guy, but for Andrew’s pecs specifically.

I personally think Andrew and Neil typically don’t have penetrative sex. They do it sometimes–and when Andrew is ready he will bottom more as a way to prove something to himself than anything–but it’s not their preferred way or their ‘go to’. When they finally do, they don’t see it as ‘finally having sex for the first time’, since all the sex they've been having is real sex, even if its oral, hand jobs, etc. I don’t think Neil is naturally inclined to bottoming, and since even the visual of topping can make Andrew uncomfortable, they enjoy sex in any other ways, thigh fucking, docking, Andrew fucking Neil’s ass cheeks, sucking each other off, mutual masturbation, frottage, etc. and it leads to stronger orgasms when they don’t have to hope ever second will be a cliff edge and turn into a panic attack. Safer waters are simply more comfortable for them to swim in, and they deem all sex as equal in ‘value.’ that being said, Andrew likes his ass being ate, as long as its just Neil’s tongue, while Neil is neutral on his ass being ate, but loves doing it to Andrew.

I also think they would explore toys, but not in the way they're often explored in fics, which is very vibrator and dildo centric. I think they would use jacking off toys, the disposable egg kind or some more long term ones, maybe even something they could use at the same time. I don’t see them ever actually using handcuffs or restraints really either. Andrew would see Neil tied up as an equivalent statement of ‘I don't trust you not to touch me’ when he wants to actively progress past that, and shows he trusts Neil by not holding his arms back or letting him touch him. Andrew had to hold down previous partners, but Neil is different, Neil listens. This isn’t my personal opinion about restraint, but it is what I think Andrew would think.

I have no idea if this is what you meant by ‘my thoughts’ but here they are. *puts something in your open palms,* idk what emoji that would be

[thearoacewriter]

so I was thinking about how lucky it was that Neil survived Baltimore and I thought it was kinda like someone put a protection charm on him bc Stuart showed up at the exact right time. then I was like “okay who out of all the foxes would be a witch?” and it hit me duh it would definitely be Andrew so here’s my pagan Andrew hc

It started with his interest in greek mythology. One of his foster homes had a massive library that caught his attention. Of course, he wasn’t there for long—  Andrew never stayed at a home for more than a few weeks— so, along with a volume of the collected works of Shakespeare, he stole a book on Greek and Roman mythology.

He got through that book relatively quickly and wanted to know more. At first, he wanted to read about more obscure Greek myths, but when he went to Barnes & Noble (because he would never steal from an independent bookstore) a book about Norse mythology caught his eye.

He read up on as many different mythologies as he could find. Once he moved in with the Spears, Cass bought him all the mythology books he wanted, though Andrew never asked for them. She’d noticed the couple of books he lugged around and decided to buy him some more. Andrew never said thank you, but Cass knew he appreciated them because, within days, there’d be a million tabs sticking out of them.

It all stopped once Andrew went away to Juvie. The library they had there was just sad. They had one book on Greek myth and it was all of the basics that Andrew had already read a million times over. 

Andrew hated his uncle as soon as he saw him. He hated Tilda even more. Tilda wasn’t really religious, but his uncle and aunt sure were. It was hard to piss off Tilda since she barely gave two shits about him, but he needed to take his anger out on someone. That left his aunt and uncle. They were the ones who put him in this situation in the first place. They were the ones who let Aaron stay here and get hurt. They were to blame for this as well.

Andrew didn’t believe in God. He never did. Not even when one of his first foster houses forced the kids to go to church every sunday. He was small and impressionable then, but the foster house before that one had made him lose any hope that there might be a God watching over him and keeping him safe. 

During his time reading about different deities, he found out that people still worshipped them. Pagans. Witches. Wiccans. They worked with and worshipped the old gods. That had caught Andrew’s attention, but he learned about it just before juvie so he never had a chance to look more into it.

Now he did. He knew being a witch would piss Luther off more than anything. Luther had been trying to lead Andrew down a spiritual path, but Andrew wasn’t having any of it. He looked into witchcraft, bought a bunch of books on it. He learned the basics first: protection spells, what different crystals did, the wheel of the year. He started to practice reading tarot cards and even got a pendulum.

Andrew was obnoxious about his practice around Luther and Maria. They told him that he could be saved if he converted, that witchcraft was the will of the Devil. Andrew told him what he learned about Lucifer as an entity and how he was completely different from the Devil. He told them that Pagan’s didn’t believe in hell. “How can I fear damnation if I don’t believe in it?”

The more he practiced the more he believed. His tarot reading came up right every single time. His spells started to work too. At first, it was just little things like luck for a test in school or motivation to finish an essay. He got more confident in his spells, using them to help the people he cared about more than on himself. He cast a luck spell on Nicky after he heard about what his parents were doing to him when they found out he was gay. Soon after, he went to study abroad in Germany. He found someone who helped him out of the hole he’d been in. 

Months past, Tilda was still hurting Aaron. Andrew had threatened her to keep his hands off him many times, but she wouldn’t listen. The plan took a little while to formulate, but once he was ready, he cast his first hex. It exhausted him. He felt like he’d played a full game of exy. Though he knew he had to keep going. He’d casted a protection spell on himself before the hex, but he needed an even stronger one if he was going to survive what he was about to do. 

He was tired, but determined. Aaron was pretending to be him somewhere else at the moment, so he had to pretend to be Aaron. He wasn’t worried that Tilda could tell the difference. They’d done this a few times before and Tilda never suspected a thing. 

The car crashed. Tilda died. Andrew lived, somewhat unscathed. 

Nicky came back from Germany when he heard. Andrew kept practicing. He celebrated the Sabbats, oftentimes Nicky would join him even though he was Christian. He didn’t want Andrew to have to celebrate alone. Sometimes, he’d even get Aaron to join in. 

When Kevin came into the picture, he started casting protection spells on him. He’d place crystals in his pockets to help with his arm and anxiety. He’d draw sigils in the back of Kevin’s notebooks. 

He put a hex on Riko the minute he found out he broke Kevin’s arm. Those worked well enough in the end.

He looked into truth spells once Neil Josten came to Palmetto, though he never used any of them. He’d never do a spell that took away anyone’s free will. Hermes, his patron, wouldn’t approve anyway. 

He missed Yule while he was at Easthaven. He couldn’t do anything for it besides meditate and try to communicate with his deities in astral. He was good enough at casting protection charms on himself without any materials, but not so good at astral projecting.

Once he got out, he placed some protection spells on Neil too. He didn’t want to admit it, but now that he was sober, he couldn’t blame the feelings he had for Neil on his meds. He wanted to keep Neil safe. It was part of their deal, sure, but he also did it to feel less like something was going to jump out and grab Neil at any second. 

He cleansed his dorm for Imbolc. Aaron and Nicky were used to Andrew spritzing rain water everywhere on the first of February. Kevin looked at him funny as he came out of his room, but didn’t say anything. Just like he didn’t say anything about the crystals and sigils. 

His tarot reading for Imbolc said he would open up more. He thought he’d read his cards wrong, but his clarifiers confirmed it. He thought it was bullshit until Eden’s. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.” It kept happening as Neil followed him to the roof more and more often. Then, they kissed. Andrew wanted Neil to push him away, to tell him no, but he wouldn’t. 

They kept messing around. Andrew kept slipping crystals into Neil’s pockets. He even made him a tiger’s eye keychain since Andrew knew Neil always had his keys on him. He knew how important keys were to Neil, so he knew he’d never lose them. 

That is until their match against the Bearcats. The riot after the game caused Andrew to go after Aaron and Kevin. He wanted to go after Neil first, but he remembered that they broke their deal. He forced himself to look away from Neil. He assured himself that Neil was safe. He had his tiger’s eye keychain. He had the protection spell Andrew always casts before they leave for away games.

Though, when they all got on the bus, Neil was nowhere to be found. He went back out and only came up with Neil’s duffle bag. He dug through it and found his keys tucked inside. Andrew started to panic, though he didn’t show it. He forced some answers out of Kevin and they were on their way to Baltimore. 

Andrew sat in his usual seat. He was the most fidgety he’d ever been since getting off his meds. He couldn’t cast any protection spells since he didn’t have the right supplies, but he did hold onto Neil’s tiger’s eye and prayed to Hermes to keep Neil safe. 

He didn’t quite understand what happened until Neil explained everything. The thing about magick was that it was unpredictable. When Andrew found out that Neil’s father was still alive, he wanted a way to keep him away from Neil permanently. He couldn’t find the right hex to use, so he tried to manifest his death instead. Manifestation is tricky. If you’re not extremely specific, there’s no telling how it’d play out. 

His protection spells had worked to an extent, it’s just that his manifestation worked more. Neil was saved at the last second by his uncle, but he still had major wounds. Nathan Wesninski was dead at least, though that didn’t stop Andrew from blaming himself for not being more thorough. 

After Neil’s arms healed a bit and after Neil started wearing the armbands Andrew got him, Andrew would draw protection sigils on his arms while they were sitting on the roof. They were covered during the day, most of the time Neil just sweated them off, but Neil swooned every time Andrew did it. It was a sign that he cared, truly cared, about Neil. 

Additionally, Sir is Andrew’s familiar. Don’t ask me why it’s not King because idk it’s just the vibe 

Also eventually Neil starts giving Andrew things he finds on his hikes because Neil’s a little goblin boy and he knows that Andrew could use some of the things in rituals or as offerings 

They also do a handfasting ritual on the Beltane after they get married. They got married mostly because Andrew didn’t want to have to fight with the nurses to let him see Neil if he got hurt or vice versa. Weddings don’t have value to Andrew, but handfasting rituals do, so they did one in this meadow they like to go to sometimes and had a picnic afterward

anyway I like projecting onto my favorite characters so thanks for letting me indulge i would very much like Andrew to celebrate the sabbats with me. I’m a kitchen witch, he likes sweets, it’s the perfect combination 

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 21: Playdate (originally posted on August 2, 2021)

AN: After that really long chapter last week, time for something that's hopefully a lot shorter. And as I write this, I finally saw Space Jam: A New Legacy in theaters, which was a lot of stupid fun in my opinion, so I might have a lot to work with in terms of basketball stuff here. But enough about the movies I've seen, let's see how Spinel is doing.

Synopsis: Spinel comes to Earth to have fun the human way.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Jim Conroy as Radio announcer

Jeff Bennett as Fanny pack seller

Tom Kenny as Pepe's Burgers cashier

Daran Norris as Basketball Commentator

Kari Wahlgren, Eden Riegel, Erica Lindbeck & Grey DeLisle as Empire City Vipers cheerleaders

Neil Flynn as The Officer

Featuring Hugh Jackman as Beckham Jordan

James Monroe Iglehart as Coach Matt Monroe

Karen Fukuhara as Makoto Fuji

Jeff Bergman as Ben "Bugs" Avery, Referee

Michelle Creber as Chloe

Kacey Musgraves as Yvonne

And Rhiannon Giddens as Herself

--

One afternoon in Beach City, Steven was once again left alone in the beach house. However, there thankfully was no sociopathic Rutiles wanting to break in and gaslight him into turning against his friends today. Instead, he stood in his room while gazing at a sign that said "Days since Turning Pink" hanging on his wall, with a blank spot that had the number 3 written on it.

"Wow, three days since my last outburst." Steven congratulated himself before patting his shoulder. "Good job Steven, making real progress." However, his pride soon turned into worry as he began contemplating how long it would take before he would explode again. "At least, for now."

Suddenly, Steven heard a loud rumbling sound coming from outside that made everything in his room shake, and he raced outside to find a massive yellow arm descending from the skies and heading straight for him. "Yellow?"

The arm immediately stopped itself before turning over and opening its palm, allowing Yellow Diamond to emerge with her arms folded behind her back and a genial smile on her face. "Good day to you Steven." The Diamond greeted Steven. "I suppose you're probably wondering why I come here today."

"If you're asking for any of the Gems, I don't think they can come today." Steven answered. "They're on the hunt for Black Rutile's current whereabouts, but every time they think they found her, she's always one step ahead of them."

"Everyone on Homeworld is still doing their part to quell her uprising," Yellow responded. "but one of us just wants to see you again." Once Yellow finished speaking, a pink and white blur bounced up from behind her and tackled Steven to the ground.

"Steven!" Spinel cried, wrapping Steven into a tight hug. "It's been so long! How you been buddy?!"

"I'm doing good Spinel." Steven laughed nervously, both at once again hiding everything he's been through recently and at how the last time Spinel's been on Earth, she nearly destroyed it, before disentangling himself from the stretchy Gem's embrace. "So, how have things been going for you on Homeworld? The Diamonds treating you okay?"

"Oh, it's fine Steven, no need to worry!" Spinel assured Steven. "Sure, they do coddle me a bit, but I'm overall livin' the dream there! I get to meet so many new Gems, learn about everything that's happened while I was stuck in the garden, and I also get to use Pink's old room! But I thought it would be nice to get a real taste of Earth without, y'know, trying to destroy it because I was left behind."

"I figured that since I'll be busy all day searching for more Gems allied with Black Rutile, Spinel could use what you humans call a babysitter." Yellow stated. "Would you be willing to watch over her here?"

"Sure, it'd be nice to catch up with Spinel." Steven agreed to the offer before he got an idea. "Hey, I got an idea. Why don't I take you to Empire City?" he asked Spinel. "It's an Earth city not too far from here, and I think you'd really like the sights there."

"Wow, a new place?!" Spinel cheered. "That'd be so much fun!"

"Yes, that would be delightful." Yellow smiled before she retreated into her ship. "Now I'll be back by nightfall, so do come back by then."

"Bye Yellow!" Spinel waved the Diamond goodbye as it flew away from Earth. "So, when can we leave Steven?"

"We can leave right now if you want," Steven answered. "I just gotta get ready first."

"Yay!" Spinel cheered.

--

A few minutes later, Steven led Spinel into the Dondai Supremo and drove away from Beach City to Empire City, and Spinel was super excited to get there.

"Are we there yet?" Spinel asked.

"No." Steven laughed.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"How about I turn on the radio to pass the time?" Steven offered before adjusting the dials on the car radio.

"-nd that was Royalty with My Lord." The radio announcer declared. "And coming up next on 13.2 "The Band", we got Rhiannon Giddens with her hit single Wandering Roads!"

"Wandering roads that carry me home, lead me through both right and wrong." Rhiannon Giddens sang over the radio. "I may love and I may lose, still I know I'll always choose."

"What kinda music is this?" Spinel asked Steven while the song continued.

"This is what humans call country music." Steven answered. "Not a lot of people like it very much."

"Well, I like it." Spinel said before she began to sing along with Rhiannon. "Since the day that you were born, footsteps fall on a path well-worn. Strings that pull, you'll never see. Chains that bind you, set you free. All on your journey home."

"I thought you'd like it." Steven chuckled at the singing Gem as they passed a sign saying "Now entering Jersey", signifying that their long journey to Empire City was almost at an end. "Hey, wanna head to a rest stop?"

"Do I?!" Spinel took a break from singing to answer Steven's question. "Uh, what's a rest stop?"

"That's a rest stop." Steven pointed to a rest area that he pulled the car into before the two got out. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, be back soon."

"Sounds good to me." Spinel agreed as she leaned against the Supremo while Steven walked away to the restroom. Although the pink Gem obediently stayed behind at the car, her curiosity of the world around her got the better of her and Spinel decided to look around the rest stop.

Touring the oasis around her, Spinel could see many humans milling about the establishment. Some came alone, while others had friends, family, or both to spend time with at the included restaurants, arcades, and gift shops. And there was one item at the gift shop that caught her eye.

"Find something you like little girl?" the burly gift shop owner with a massive blonde pompadour asked Spinel while she gazed at his inventory.

"Yeah, what's that supposed to be?" Spinel inquired, pointing at a white bag with red heart designs in front of her.

"That fanny pack?" the salesman replied. "It can be yours for only $14.99."

"Sorry pal, I don't have any of that." Spinel declared. "What else can I use to get it?"

"You got a credit card?" the seller asked, and Spinel shook her head. "Check?" Spinel shook her head again. "Lotto ticket?" Again. "Any possessions you can trade me?"

"Still no." Spinel admitted. "I barely know what you're talking about, I just want that bag."

Just then, Steven finally emerged from the rest stop bathroom and found Spinel conversing with the gift shop owner, so he walked up to the pair to see what's going on. "Anything the matter here?"

"I want this thing, but I don't got any of what this guy's talking about!" Spinel explained while sticking a thumb out to the seller and the fanny pack.

"She some kinda hobo?" the seller asked Steven.

"No, she's just an alien with barely any knowledge about our Earth currency." Steven said while pulling out his wallet. "How much for the fanny pack?"

"$14.99." the seller answered, and Steven replied by handing him fifteen dollars. "Thank you kid, here's your butt sack."

"Hehe, butt sack!" Spinel giggled at the name of her new fanny pack while she put it on around her waist. "So what do you think Steven," she asked Steven while showing off her new accessory by swinging her hips. "do I make this look good or what?"

"Yeah, it really suits you." Steven answered before the two began walking back to the Dondai Supremo. "But why do you want that?"

"I just thought the butt sack looked cool." Spinel answered. "Plus, that's what I'm calling it from now on, my butt sack."

"Aside from looking cool, the butt sack can also be really useful." Steven said while turning on the car and driving away from the rest stop. "It's basically a bag, but you wear it around your waist so you can carry stuff while keeping your hands free."

"Sounds neat!" Spinel exclaimed. "So, how much longer till Empire City?"

"Not too long." Steven answered while checking the map between Beach and Empire City on his phone. "The trip usually takes around three hours, so we can find ways to spend the time until we get there."

"Then what are we waiting for?! Let's have some fun!" Spinel declared before she switched on the radio to a country music channel and began singing along, and Steven soon joined in.

--

A few hours later, Steven and Spinel finally arrived in Empire City. The metropolis itself was utterly mindblowing to Spinel, as she saw seemingly endless skyscrapers outside the window and all sorts of humans wandering the streets. Some looked a little like Steven, and others were completely different.

"So this is Empire City?" Spinel asked Steven while he parked the car.

"You bet it is." Steven declared before the two got out. "We're currently in one of its boroughs, Brooklyn. Here you'll find Coney Island, the House of Yes, DUMBO, and many more." He said while gazing at his phone to look up things to do during their trip. "Where do you want to go first?"

"I wanna go to that Coney Island place." Spinel answered as she gazed over Steven's shoulder at his phone. "Are there actual cones there?"

"No, it's only one of the most famous amusement parks in the world!" Steven declared. "I think you'd like it there. Besides, it's only a forty-minute drive."

"Aw, another drive?! But we just got here!" Spinel complained before the two got back in the Supremo.

"Oh, don't get so down," Steven assured as he started the car again and set off for Coney Island. "The journey will surely be worth it."

--

And indeed, the journey was worth it. As soon as the two reached Coney Island and Steven paid for admission into one of the amusement parks, Spinel raced in to try out as many rides & games as she could and won as many prizes as she could fit into her new fanny bag, and Steven indulged in her excitement all the way.

Unfortunately for Spinel, the fun could only last for so long and the pair had to leave to see some of the other sights of Empire City, but she still found it all worth it for all the fun she had at Coney Island.

Steven and Spinel's tour of Empire City soon took them to the Bowery, where Steven decided that they should take a break to eat at Pepe's Burgers, the same restaurant that used one of Greg's songs in their commercials which made him a millionaire.

"Here you go miss, five triple-decker cheeseburgers and two large fries." The cashier announced while handing Spinel five large burgers & two packs of French fries that she happily took away from the counter and back to the table where Steven was sitting.

"Thank you so much for taking me out Steven," Spinel said gratefully while stuffing her mouth full of burgers and tenderly stroking a stuffed rabbit poking out of her fanny pack. "this is the most fun I've ever had in thousands of years!"

"You're very welcome Spinel." Steven smiled happily. "I'm glad you're having fun here, but me? I'm getting kind of tired. We should probably head back to Beach City soon."

"Geez, no need to be a buzzkill." Spinel complained again while eating another cheeseburger. "But then again, we never did something you wanted to do, this has been all about me today. What do you think we should do next?"

"WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY!" an announcer on a television behind the duo yelled, taking them by surprise. "Hey you, sitting down! You on a trip with a friend and they ask what you want to do?!"

"Why, yes!" Steven answered. "That's a little convenient."

"Well, I know what you're going to do today!" the television continued before cutting to an aerial shot of a massive basketball stadium, the sight of which made Steven excited. "Come on down to Maramba Stadium, home to the Empire City Vipers where they'll be playing their most important game this season! It's ECV versus the Keystone Coyotes! Be there, be there, be there!"

"The Vipers, that's it!" Steven realized happily and burst from his seat. "Come on Spinel, let's go see the Empire City Vipers!"

"YEAH!" Spinel exclaimed as she jumped out after Steven. "Uh, who are the Vipers?"

"The Empire City Vipers are my favorite basketball team ever!" Steven explained while pulling out his wallet to show off a basketball card depicting a middle-aged man with large sideburns dribbling on the court. "Their star player is one of my heroes, Beckham "Muttonchops" Jordan!"

"Nice hair." Spinel commented on Beckham's trademark sideburns.

"Come on, let's go!" Steven said while taking Spinel's hand, but the game would have to wait.

"Hold on a second kid!" the cashier stopped Steven and Spinel in their tracks. "You still need to pay for your meal."

"Sorry sir, got a little excited." Steven apologized as he took some money and left it at the table before getting back to racing out of the restaurant.

--

"Ladies, gentlemen, and everything in-between, welcome to the grand playoffs between Empire City and Keystone!" a basketball commentator announced at Maramba Stadium, where dozens of excited fans gathered to watch the epic basketball game, Steven and Spinel included. "We're bound to have a good day today folks, so without further ado, your starting line-up for the Empire City Vipers!"

First off was a young man in a blue and yellow basketball uniform with a smug grin on his face who strolled into the arena with a stride in his step. "BEN "BUGS" AVERY!"

Next up was an excitable dark-skinned fellow who put up peace signs for his adoring fans. "DANIEL "DAFFY" JONES!"

A stout and meek man was up next, giving a polite wave to the spectators. "PERCY "PORKY" FRELENG!"

A much skinner guy was up next, excitedly jogging in place with his tongue out. "RORY "THE RUNNER" MCKIMSON!"

Finally, a much taller, hairier, and more muscular man emerged from the corner to join his teammates on the court, waving to the fans along the way. "AND FINALLY, THE MAN HIMSELF! HIS ROYAL SLAM-JESTY, BECKHAM "MUTTONCHOPS" JORDAN!"

"MUTTONCHOPS! MUTTONCHOPS! MUTTONCHOPS!" the crowds began cheering for Beckham Jordan as the Empire City Vipers took their places on the court, standing face to face with their rivals from Keystone. Although Steven was joining in on the chanting, Spinel was left completely lost.

"I don't get it. What's so appealing about this?" Spinel asked out loud. "What is it about these guys that makes everyone so excited?"

"It's the intensity of the game that gets everyone on the edge of their seats Spinel." Steven replied as the big game began. "Two teams of five players compete to see who can score the most points by dunking the ball into either team's hoop."

"So that's it, just throwing a ball around?" Spinel muttered. "Puh-lease, I did the exact same thing with Pink, and there weren't thousands of humans to watch me!"

"You'll learn to like it Spinel, I'm sure of it." Steven assured his mom's old best friend while the game continued, and Beckham quickly scored a point for the Vipers. "WOO, GO BECKHAM!"

As the game went on, Steven and Spinel's reactions were as different as night and day. While Steven continued cheering on his favorite player, Spinel just watched with a mild interest in the event while stroking the head of the stuffed bunny in her fanny pack. "Hey, I got a question. What's with all the funny names these players have?"

"Those are all nicknames Spinel." Steven explained once again. "For example, The Runner gets his name because he's so fast on the court, Daffy is absolutely unpredictable, and Bugs really likes getting under his opponents' skins."

Down below in the grand game between the Vipers and the Coyotes, Bugs Avery demonstrated just how annoying he could be to his rivals while snatching the ball out of an enemy player's hands. "Gotcha doc!"

"Hey, that's my ball!" the Charm City Coyotes' power forward bellowed.

"No, it ain't!" Bugs sneered.

"Yes, it is!" the other player yelled.

"No, it ain't!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it ain't!"

"No, it ain't!"

"Yes, it is!" Bugs declared.

"No, it ain't!" the enemy player said before he suddenly realized that Bugs had played him for a fool. "Wait, what?!"

"And Bugs employs his classic reverse psychology!" the commentator declared as Bugs made a bank shot, scoring a point for the Vipers. "How despicable!"

"That's Bugs's signature move!" Steven exclaimed. "He doesn't even need to use his hands for that one, just a little way with words!"

Just then, a horn sounded as the score was displayed as 25 for the Vipers and 15 for the Coyotes, and below it was a sign declaring "HALFTIME!"

"I say, I say, time out!" the referee exclaimed while forming his hands into a T.

"Looks like we got halftime, folks!" the announcer boomed while the players stopped what they were doing and returned to their respective locker rooms. "Let's allow our stars to relax for a bit while taking a moment for the ECV cheer squad to take the stage!"

As soon as both basketball teams left the court, a group of young women in midriff-baring tops bearing the colors of the Vipers & blue skirts holding matching-colored pom-poms marched out onto the court and got ready to perform.

"Ready?" the head cheerleader, an olive-skinned Asian woman with spiky red hair in a high ponytail asked her squadmates.

"OKAY!" the other cheerleaders yelled as they began to dance. "Come on Vipers, you can't miss! Show them how you really hiss! Just like a rattlesnake, you know how to make them shake!"

"What are those humans doing?" Spinel gasped in amazement at the cheerleaders as they started stacking themselves into a pyramid.

"That's just the Empire City Vipers' cheerleading team," Steven said. "They're really good at pumping up the crowd."

"Please, I can do better!" Spinel boasted before she took off her fanny pack. "Hold my butt sack." Spinel then started glowing and changed her attire to be an exact copy of the cheerleaders' uniform, though with her heart-shaped gem in place of the ECW on the top, while tying her hair into a heart-shaped ponytail. "How do I look?"

"Uh…." Steven muttered confusedly while Spinel struck a few poses in her makeshift cheerleading costume before she bounced away. "Spinel, wait!" Steven called out to the elastic Gem as Spinel took over the cheer squad's pyramid while turning her hands into pom-poms.

"WOO, GO VIPERS!" Spinel yelled as she stood on top of the head cheerleader at the tip of the pyramid, making everyone go deathly silent. "Hey, come on guys! You all love the Vipers, don'tcha?"

"Who's this chick?" one of the cheerleaders at the bottom of the pyramid whispered to another.

"I think she jumped out of the audience." The other cheerleader replied.

"Okay girls, let me down." The head cheerleader commanded her squadmates to carefully carry her down the pyramid and back onto the floor. "Megaphone." She then asked for a bullhorn to speak into. "Will whoever's watching over this stretchy pink girl please come down to pick her up?"

"Spinel!" Steven facepalmed at Spinel's disruption and got up from his seat. "Excuse me, you guys." He apologized to the spectators he sat between before hopping up in the air and hovering over to the court.

"WITCHCRAFT!" one audience member yelled, inciting mutters of shock and amazement at Steven's abilities as he landed next to Spinel, and some even took out their phones to record.

"Spinel, did you really have to do that?" Steven groaned exasperatedly at the pink Gem, who was looking very apologetic. "You just made a big scene all because you just wanted to show off!"

"I'm sowwy Steven!" Spinel apologized while sounding like a little kid. "I thought we were gonna have fun here!"

"I'm sorry too Spinel," Steven replied. "But-"

"Something the matter here?" the voice of a black man wearing a T-shirt bearing the colors of the Vipers asked as he stepped out into the court with Beckham Jordan.

"Hey Monroe, this girl here just hijacked our routine." The Vipers' head cheerleader said, gesturing to Spinel.

"And I see she's got a friend, Makoto." Beckham Jordan replied as he turned his attention to Steven & Spinel, the former left to gasp and gape in utter shock at his favorite basketball player looking right at him. "Something the matter, sport?"

"Sorry, he's a real big fan." Spinel laughed before slapping Steven in the face, bringing him back to reality.

"Thanks Spinel." Steven said gratefully before his jaw dropped again at the sight of Beckham. "Beckham Jordan is talking to me?!"

"Yes, Beckham Jordan is indeed talking to you." The star player of the Vipers beamed. "This is our coach, Matt Monroe." He then introduced the black man. "And I suppose you're familiar with my good friend here, head Vipers cheerleader Makoto Fuji."

"Nice to meetcha, I'm Spinel!" Spinel introduced herself by shaking Beckham's hand and giving him a big kiss that covered most of his head. "And this is my buddy, Steven! Say hi Steven!"

"Uh, uh, hi." Steven sheepishly greeted his Royal Slam-Jesty.

"Looks like lil' flyboy here's a bit starstruck." The commentator pointed out. "Anyone got anything to say or are we just gonna keep up the silent treatment?"

"Come on boy, say something ya big shnook!" the referee called out to Steven, giving him the courage to properly speak to his basketball idol.

"My name's Steven Universe." Steven introduced himself to Beckham. "I'm a super huge fan of you Mr. Jordan, loved you ever since I watched you with my dad on TV back in 2006, I think."

"Ah yes, the good ol' Jayhawk Pussycats." Beckham declared nostalgically. "Nice place, Jayhawk was. If you're ever in the area, come on down to a little place called Los Pollos Hermanos and tell 'em Beckham sent ya."

"So, are we in trouble?" Spinel nervously asked.

"Naw, it's okay girlie." Matt chuckled deeply. "This ain't the first time it happened this season."

"I still recall when we had to call security on that girl." Makoto added. "Though we did give her a free uniform as compensation."

"Hey, I got an idea." Beckham stated. "Steven, why don't you and Spinel come on over to my place after the game so we can shoot some hoops together?"

"Me, play against you?!" Steven gasped excitedly. "It would be an honor, Mr. Jordan!"

"Pleasure's all mine, little guy." Beckham replied gratefully. "And please, just call me Beck."

"Well, that was certainly the weirdest halftime we've gotten this season!" the announcer boomed over the speakers as Steven and Spinel returned to their seats and Beckham to the locker room. "Not only did we get another cheerleader hijacking, but a flying Beckham fanboy too, and a lucky one at that!"

"You still mad about what just happened?" Spinel asked remorsefully.

"It's alright Spinel." Steven laughed. "Besides, thanks to you, I'm gonna play with Beckham Jordan and see his penthouse!" he added before giving Spinel a big hug. "Thanks so much!"

"No prob Bob." Spinel replied just as happily while wrapping Steven in her extendable arms while the game started back up.

--

Eventually, the big basketball game ended with the Empire City Vipers winning against the Charm City 55-49, to the delight of their fans. As soon as Beckham Jordan, Matt Monroe, and Makoto Fuji left the stadium with Steven & Spinel in tow, a limousine was there to drive the five away from Maramba Stadium to their destination at Beckham's penthouse.

"Well, here we are you two." Beckham, now having switched his uniform for a T-shirt & jeans, announced as they got off the elevator at an opulent apartment building and he turned on the lights, revealing a grand living room before them all. "Welcome to my pad and our favorite hangout spot."

"Like what you see?" Makoto, now clad in a burgundy sports bra underneath a tank top with a picture of a dancing frog holding a top hat & cane and some spandex shorts, asked the pair.

"Like it? I love it!" Steven exclaimed while looking around at the big screen TV, massive couch, refined kitchen, an entrance to what he assumed to be Beck's training court, and many, many posters depicting his accomplishments, including one featuring Dogcopter that caught his eye. "Wait, is that the Vipers vs Dogcopter movie?!"

"Yeah, good ol' basically a commercial for my line of sneakers." Beck answered. "I was young and needed the money, but I still had a fun time nonetheless." He then motioned towards a picture of himself shaking hands with a man in a suit who was pointing at Beck with a cheerful smile. "And this is me with Secretary of Health Benjamin Rouleau. Real talkative fellow, he was."

"Protein shake?" Makoto offered while getting some milk from the fridge.

"I'll take one!" Spinel accepted. "Gems don't need to eat, but I'd sure like to."

"Don't need to eat?" Makoto gasped after pouring the milk in a blender and turning to get some more ingredients for the shake like fruit, yogurt, and peanut butter. "Wow, sometimes I wish I didn't need to eat either so I wouldn't hog all the snacks!"

"So, a Gem, eh?" Matt asked while fishing a diamond ring from his pocket. "You mean like this?"

However, the sight of the ring made Spinel very confused and start questioning everything. "Uh, where did you get that?"

"I think it's best we don't ask any questions Spinel." Steven declared just as nervously as he sat Spinel down on the couch. "But to answer your question, Gems are not entirely like your jewelry. They're immortal light-based beings that come in pretty much every color you can think of. Their powers depend on what kind of Gem they are. Like for example, Spinel can stretch her body and bounce around since she was made to be a playmate for my mom."

"And I'm going to assume your mom was a Gem too?" Matt asked while sitting down next to their two new friends as Makoto served the shakes.

"Yeah, she was one of the rulers of all Gems, the Diamonds." Steven continued explaining to the trio. "However, she got tired of her life, combined with being mistreated by her fellow Diamonds, so she disguised as another Gem, faked her death, and started a war."

"And left me behind in the process." Spinel added sadly, eliciting feelings of sympathy and curiosity. "I was made to be Pink's best friend, but she started getting sick of me after she got her own colony, which was Earth by the way, until one day she left me in this garden we played in for the next six thousand years while she went off fighting wars to protect Earth. Then when Steven made his little message to the universe, it happened to reach me and really set me off, causing me to come down with a massive Injector to try and poison Earth."

"Parent issues, huh?" Beckham said while placing a hand on Spinel's shoulder. "Kinda reminds me of my relationship with my dad. Well, minus the whole wanting to destroy Earth because you were made about being left stranded for thousands of years thing. He was really harsh on me, sometimes even a little too harsh. I turned to basketball to vent my frustrations, and with help from friends I made over the years," Beck then pointed to Makoto & Matt, who grinned happily. "I was able to turn that anger around and make myself a legend. Just goes to show no matter how garbage your life is, you can get back up no matter what."

"Wow, neat story." Steven said while sipping his protein shake.

"Indeed," Matt replied before hugging Beck from the side. "Beck and I have been thick as thieves ever since he was starting out."

"And I first met him when I wasn't even team captain of the Vipers cheer squad." Makoto added. "I was super awkward and unsure I even had a future in cheerleading, but Jordan was there to pick me up and help me become a superstar."

"But enough about us, let's get to why you wanted to be here." Beck emerged from the warm embrace of his two friends to point at Steven. "You still ready to shoot some hoops?"

"You bet I do!" Steven answered, dramatically slamming his almost empty drink on the table in front of them before turning to Spinel. "And you and Makoto can cheer from the sidelines Spinel, without interrupting anything."

"Sounds good to me!" Spinel cheered as she assumed her cheerleader outfit once again and bounced on over to Beck's personal court.

--

"This is going to be so much fun." Makoto said while doing some stretches to limber herself up as Steven and Beck took their places on Beck's training court.

"Let's see if you can bend as much as I can, sweetie." Spinel taunted good-naturedly.

"I got some frequently washed yoga pants that'll prove you wrong." Makoto replied.

"Okay ladies, focus on the real competition here." Matt chuckled while getting between Steven and Beck. "Y'all ready for this, boys?"

"I'm so ready!" Steven answered.

"Just give it your all, Steven." Beck told his young fan.

"Now let's slam!" Matt declared before blowing his whistle, cuing the game to start. Steven gunned for the ball first and dribbled it to the basket on the left side of the court, scoring him a point.

"WOO, GO STEVEN!" Spinel cheered while waving her pom-pom hands around.

"Come on Jordan, you can beat him!" Makoto yelled, raising her pom-poms in the air, causing the two to glare at each other.

"Please, I can cheer better!" Spinel bragged to Makoto.

"Wanna bet?" the cheerleader challenged the Gem and pulled her phone from her gym bag to play some music.

"Go go Steven, you're the man! If you can't do it, who else can?!" Spinel began singing while Steven scored another point. "Beckham is still pretty neat, but my pal Steven can't be beat!"

"Come on Beckham, you can do it! You're so good, there's nothing to it!" Makoto began swaying her toned body to the beat as Beckham scored for the first time. "Steven may be your biggest fan, but to me, you are the man!"

"What makes you think he can win this? You are sadly mistaken, miss!" the two began harmonizing. "We could cheer till the end of the night, hope you're ready for a fight song fight!"

"Nice music girls!" Steven called out to the cheerleaders, allowing Beckham to catch him off guard and steal the ball away to score a point.

"Too slow Steven!" Beckham laughed.

"Two to two, gang!" Matt called out. "We're at a tie here, but let's see who can turn this around!"

"Jordan's been doing this for years, and I've been there to give him cheers!" Makoto continued singing as Beckham scored his third point. "Your friend is pretty good little bud, but he ain't got the sweat, tears, and blood!"

"Well cutie-pie, you're dead wrong! Allow me to end this song," Spinel replied while Steven scored his third point as well. "by telling how much Steven can fight! He can take a hit and get up right!"

"What makes you think he can win this? You are sadly mistaken, miss!" Spinel and Makoto declared. "We could cheer until the end of the night, who's the winner of this fight song fight?!"

"AAAAAND the game goes to Beckham!" Matt yelled as his buddy won the fourth point, winning the game. "Good try Steven, but you can't beat the pros!"

"Good game Steven." Beck complimented his young opponent by shaking his hand.

"Yeah, good game." Steven replied, returning the handshake before looking at his watch. "Oh my, Yellow Diamond could be coming back soon! We gotta go!"

"Already?" Makoto said in mock disappointment. "But we were having so much fun!"

"I agree, but I still have a family of my own to come back to." Spinel said. "Hopefully we can do this again someday!"

"Yeah, maybe I could properly introduce you to the rest of the cheer team." Makoto replied.

"By the way, let me get something to remember us by." Beckham said before walking away and coming back with a dirty white & red jersey. "This is my uniform from back when I played for the Jayhawk Pussycats. Be sure to take good care of it, Spinel."

"I will." Spinel smiled before packing the jersey into her fanny pack. "Well, see y'all real soon!"

"Wait, let's take a selfie first!" Makoto offered, pulling out her phone and bringing Steven, Spinel, Beck, and Monroe in for a picture while making some duck-lips. "My thousands of followers are gonna love this!" With that, the selfie was taken.

--

When Steven and Spinel finally left the apartment building that Beck's penthouse suite stood on top of, night was beginning to fall, yet the city still shined brightly like thousands of lanterns all around them.

"This is so beautiful." Spinel muttered in amazement at the pretty lights around them.

"I know." Steven said, just as astonished. "Now, the Dondai shouldn't be too far. I think it's back at Maramba Stadium, which hopefully shouldn't be too far from-"

"Wait wait wait, you hear that?" Spinel asked, turning her finger into a horn that she put up to her ear as she faintly heard someone crying. "Come on, have a listen!" She then put the horn to Steven's ear, making him hear the crying too.

"I think someone needs help." Steven realized before the two began walking closer to the source of the crying, which turned out to be a little blonde girl playing with a cube while she kept on sniffling.

"Where are you?" the little girl quietly sobbed, not even noticing Steven and Spinel before her.

"I think I can handle this one Steven." Spinel declared before she walked up to the girl and got super close to her face. "Hey kid, can you stop crying and look at me?!" However, the girl yelped in fright and suddenly went quiet. "Oy, eyes up here sport!" Spinel continued with a snap of her fingers, but the girl refused to speak. "Not that much of a talker, are ya?"

"I think it's because you're being a little too direct. Let me try." Steven suggested before he sat down next to the child. "Hello, sorry about my friend. I'm Steven, what's your name?"

"Chloe." The girl said quietly. "Are you here to help me?"

"Of course we are." Steven smiled. "Can you tell me where your mother is?"

"I don't know." Chloe answered. "I only turned around and she was gone, and I have no idea where she is."

"It's alright, just stay calm and let us help you." Steven said before pulling out his phone. "Here, I'll call the police to help us out."

"You rang?" a police officer asked while appearing from seemingly out of nowhere, taking the three by surprise. "Apologies for the scare, I just heard someone say police officer and rushed right on over. What seems to be the matter?"

"This kid lost her mom." Spinel answered the officer. "Can you help us find her?"

"Oh sure," the Officer replied. "Just come with me to the station and we'll get to work!"

"Yay!" Chloe cheered, flapping her hands.

"I didn't know humans could do that!" Spinel said before beginning to flap her hands as well. "Am I doing it right?"

"Doesn't matter." Chloe beamed. "Some people always thought my hand flapping was strange, but my mommy always helped me learn how to be myself."

"Sounds like you got a pretty good mom Chloe." Spinel said before she hoisted Chloe over her shoulders and took her for a piggyback ride. "I know what it's like to be left behind, and I won't let it happen to anyone else."

"Thank you so much!" Chloe said and gave Spinel's head a big hug as the two of them, along with Steven and the Officer, began walking to the police station. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Call me Spinel." Spinel answered.

--

Later at the Empire City police station, Steven was having a talk with the Officer in another room while Spinel played with Chloe's cube outside, and Chloe was drawing something.

"So what's with this thing anyways?" Spinel asked Chloe. "Why did I see you playing with it?"

"That's my fidget cube." Chloe replied. "My mom got a few of them to help me focus because I sometimes have a hard time paying attention to things."

"Where can I get one of these?" Spinel asked again more eagerly.

"Maybe when Mom comes, I can ask her to give you one." Chloe suggested before Steven and the Officer emerged from the other room. "Anything Mr. Steven?"

"I was mostly just telling the Officer here about myself, since he did meet my friends in Los Diego." Steven answered.

"Now, all we need to do is get your mom's phone number and she'll be right on over." The Officer said as he picked up a phone. "Could you tell us to the best of your ability?"

"Of course!" Chloe said eagerly. "It's 1 (723) 201-1995."

"Nine-nine-five." The Officer repeated to himself and put the phone up to his ear. "Hello? Yes, this is the Empire City Police Department. Are you the mother of a little girl named Chloe?" he asked someone on the other end. "Good, cause a couple of tourists found her all alone and helped me bring her to the station. Can you come pick her up?"

"There, your mom should be comin' for ya tout sweet!" Spinel declared before Chloe gave her a big hug. "Aw, you're so nice."

"How are you able to memorize her number?" Steven asked Chloe.

"I just have a knack for those kinds of things." Chloe responded before a blonde woman, presumably her mother, came barging into the station. "Mommy!"

"Chloe!" Chloe's mother cried as her daughter came racing up to hug her. "Oh, I'm so sorry for leaving you behind like that! I didn't even notice I left you until the police called me!"

"You can thank us for that ma'am." Spinel stated, introducing herself and Steven.

"You truly are a lifesaver." The mother thanked the Gem. "My name's Yvonne, and thanks again for helping my daughter."

"Oh, that reminds me, Mom." Chloe said. "Would it be okay if Spinel got one of my fidget cubes as thanks?"

"I don't see why not." Yvonne agreed before fishing through her purse and finding a pink cube. "Here, I think it suits you."

"Aw shucks miss, you're making me blush!" Spinel thanked the mother sheepishly when she got an idea of her own. "Here, you can have this Chloe." She said, pulling the stuffed rabbit from her fanny pack and giving it to her new friend. "The least I can do."

"Thanks Spinel." Chloe said, swapping her drawing for the bunny before she and her mother began to leave the station. "Goodbye!"

"You're very welcome!" Steven called after the mother and daughter while Spinel gazed tenderly at the drawing of her and Chloe in her hands. "So Spinel, ready to go?"

"Of course." Spinel sniffed loudly and put the drawing and the cube in her pack.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Steven, tell those Gems I said hi." The Officer told Steven. "And by the way, don't start cracking up too much, if you get what I'm saying."

"I'm sorry, what?" Steven asked, but instead of a proper answer, the Officer disappeared like he was never there. "Who was that guy?" he muttered as he and Spinel left to go find the Dondai Supremo.

--

Soon, the Dondai Supremo finally returned to Beach City, and Yellow Diamond once again parked her ship in front of the beach house as she waited for Steven and Spinel.

"Now what could be keeping those two?" Yellow asked somewhat impatiently while gazing at the night sky when suddenly, she spotted a little car driving towards her. "Oh, there they are."

"Hi Yellow!" Spinel exclaimed, bursting from the car and racing towards the Diamond. "You'll never guess the fun day I had with Steven today! I got a ton of cool stuff from some people we met along the way and learned about human sports!"

"Oh that's delightful, I'm glad you had a good time today." Yellow grinned before becoming more serious. "Now come along, we still have work to do regarding a certain Rutile."

"Okay!" Spinel answered and then turned to Steven. "Thanks for everything today Steven."

"Pleasure's all mine Spinel. Maybe we can do this again someday." Steven said gratefully before Spinel gave him another big hug and then raced back to Yellow's side. "Don't be a stranger you guys!"

"We won't." Yellow shouted back before she and Spinel entered her arm ship and it finally took off into the night sky.

--

"So, what did you and Steven do today Spinel?" Yellow asked Spinel as the ship cruised back to Homeworld.

Spinel took one look at everything in her butt sack, from the Coney Island prizes to Beckham Jordan's Pussycats jersey, the fidget cube, and Chloe's drawing, before giving her answer with a smile.

"Everything."

--

And that's enough of Spinel, Pink Diamond's playmate turned near-destroyer of Earth turned companion of the Diamonds, country music fangirl, wannabe cheerleader and friend to the neurodivergent! Well, for now at least, she will be making a comeback in Part 4. And speaking of Part 4, that Secretary of Health that met Beckham will be making an appearance there as well and played by Ryan Reynolds. Yes, THAT Ryan Reynolds, so technically Deadpool and Wolverine met without even needing to speak to each other onscreen. But anyways, we've all had our fun with Spinel, but next chapter is when we start getting into what I call the Tearjerking Three, consisting of Pumpkin Patch, Mr. Universe and Fragments. Your bodies better be ready, because I'm bringing the feels!

[jemej3m]

date number two: bodies in the forest

in which things go pear-shaped, our boys learn a few things and punch a few people: also, Neil meets Nicky. 

*

“Yoohoo!” Allison’s repeated knocking on Neil’s front door was driving him positively insane. “Neeeeeeeeil. Neeeeeil. Let me in, pretty-boy!” 

He was rolling the sleeves of his dress-shirt up as he stalked over to the front door to answer it, a scowl across his face. She was grinning when he yanked it open, her expression immediately turning inquisitive at his attire. 

“You are relentless,” he grumbled, stepping aside. She sauntered past, leaving a trail of stiletto heel dents in the carpet and french perfume. Her curls bounced as she walked, immaculate as always. 

She bee-lined for the bedrooom, where there were no bugs hidden. When she turned around to face him, her arms were crossed with one eyebrow raised. “So you’re going to see him again?”

Neil fiddled with his sleeves, his collar. It brought heat to his skin when he thought about it. He was just - curious. He wanted to know all there was to Andrew and couldn’t figure out why. He shrugged. “I asked if he’d like to grab drinks. He said sure and recommended somewhere called Eden’s. I don’t think it’s a proper date -” 

“Ha!” Allison crowed. “Nicky’s going to be ecstatic! He knew setting the two of you up would be perfect: you’re a perfect pair of tiny, brooding assholes.”

“Mmhm.”

“Is that what you’re wearing?” 

Neil looked down at himself. “Yes?”

“Jesus Christ,” Allison complained, loudly, pinching his shirt between two glittery nail extensions and dragging him into his own room. “You’re a disaster, you know that, right?” 

“Shut up,” he mumbled, looking with disdain at the clothes she threw onto the bed, which included a black wife-beater and a mesh top to go over it. It was January - he was going to freeze to death. 

“Is he picking you up from here?” she inquired, rifling through his boxers. Neil sighed: it’d been so long since Lola’s protege had appeared at their doorstep that being embarrassed around Allison just wasn’t a thing anymore. 

This is Allison, Nathaniel, his father had said, a broad hand on Allison’s shoulder. Her parents sold her to us. To you. She will be your Lola. 

They’d been merely teenagers, bitter and afraid. Silently, in the confines of Neil’s childhood room, they had locked pinky fingers and vowed to take his father down, once and for all. Neil had immediately let himself be comforted by her grey eyes, tumultuous storms rather than simple irises. 

“I’m not stupid,” Neil retorted. “You’re the only one who knows where I live,” 

“Other than dearest Daddy,” she muttered. She could only speak like this within his room, where they were sure that his father hadn’t hidden any microphones. Nathan claimed it was to ensure that anyone who attacked Neil could be caught but Neil wasn’t stupid enough to assume that his father trusted him. 

“I’m picking him up,” Neil mumbled, tugging on the jeans she’d thrown at him. “Are you sure about this outfit? It seems a bit -”

“You’re going to Eden’s on a Thursday night, you idiot,” she laughed. “It’s a gay club on Thursdays. You’ll fit in great.” 

Neil did not like the way she winked. 

His phone buzzed. He fished it out, almost flinging it across the room in his hastiness. Allison snorted, mumbling “Eager.” Neil wasn’t eager. He’d just - he was simply curious. About Andrew. About the cotton armbands, hidden under his dress shirt. The shadowed eyes. He seemed dangerous, but also impeccably well controlled. 

pick me up from this address instead. don’t knock on the door.  

The address was for somewhere in the easterly suburbs, a little closer to the club than Andrew’s apartment had been. Neil shoved his keys and wallet and phone into his pockets, letting Allison fiddle with his hair. 

“Enjoy yourself!” she called out, getting into her pink porsche. “Don’t kill anyone!” He rolled his eyes and clambered into his car, careening out of the garage.

The house was small and quaint. Two cars were parked in the driveway, one under the awning and another rather haphazardly, nearly scraping the gate. The second was obviously more expensive, and Neil thought he might have recognised it from their first date. 

Date. Fucking hell, Neil was on a second date. With a man. His father would kill him. His father would strip his skin from his body and hang it from a flag mast for everyone to see. A gay son couldn’t carry on the Wesninski legacy. Neil was a disgrace enough already.

He wasn’t even gay. He just found Andrew intriguing. 

He waited for five minutes outside, then texted Andrew to let him know that he was here. When another five minutes had passed without an answer, he climbed out of the car, checked the address was right, and carefully walked up the pathway. 

He knocked on the door twice: before his knuckles could land a third time, the door was wrenched open, revealing a lithe man with brown features and a wild-eyed smile.  

“Neil!” he crowed. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you!”

“Nicky, for fuck’s sake,” Neil heard Andrew grumble from somewhere out of sight. Neil snorted under his breath, shaking Nicky’s hand. 

“Allison and I are the best match-makers,” Nicky sung, falling back into his house and pulling Neil across the premise. In the kitchen was another blonde man, considerably taller than Andrew and wearing a genuine smile. “Neil, this is Erik, my husband. Erik, this is Neil! You remember Allison, don’t you, honey? They’re good friends!”

Nicky was...a lot. Weakly, Neil asked. “How do you know Allison, again?”

“How could I not!” Nicky laughed. “We were in the same marketing classes in college. I told her that her Gucci sweatpants were trashy - because they are - and she didn’t take that too well. God knows she loves her brands.”

Neil did know that, probably better than anyone else. 

“Goodness, Allison said you were a cutie, but I had no clue how right she was!” Nicky pinched his cheek, and noticed the side-long glance Neil sent to Erik. He winked. “I’d invite you to have fun with Erik and I if I wasn’t sure I’d be scalped by my cousin.” 

“Yet you talk too much regardless,” Andrew said, materialising out of nowhere. 

Neil was suddenly relieved for Allison’s intervention when he saw what Andrew was wearing under his coat. It was a sleeveless shirt, the holes hanging so low that Neil could see his ribs, the cords of muscle that wrapped around his midsection. It was also low at the neckline, both in the front and back. Neil looked away.

Nicky bid them farewell with a cheery wave and a wolf-whistle. Andrew practically dragged Neil out of his cousin’s house, the tips of his ears bright red. 

“I was trying to avoid that,” Andrew muttered. Neil just laughed and gestured towards his car. 

“Shall we?” 

*

Admittedly, the club didn’t seem like the right place for Neil. He didn’t drink - he couldn’t afford to lose his inhibitions - didn’t dance, and it was too loud to talk properly. Whilst people watching was fun and Andrew didn’t seem to mind just hanging out by the wall with a whisky in hand, Neil wished they had somewhere quieter to talk. 

“I haven’t been in somewhere like this in years,” Neil mentioned, leaning closer into Andrew’s shoulder. “I suppose nothing’s really changed.”

“I snuck in here as a kid. Got a fake ID.” Andrew shook his head. “It was not a good way to figure out my sexuality.”

“What - you came here to just - makeout with people?” 

Andrew arched an eyebrow, still looking out over the swarm of writhing bodies. “You never did anything like that?”

“No,” Neil murmured, wrapping his arms around his stomach. “I didn’t realise that was the normal thing.” 

Andrew looked at him for a moment before knocking back his whisky and chucking the glass onto a nearby table: a finger in Neil’s belt loop tugged him away from the wall and then they were moving. Past the bar, the dance floor, the music booth, right for the doors. Neil tried to protest - Andrew had paid for both of their admission tickets - but the man was having none of it, Neil stumbling along behind him as he walked. 

When they were outside, Andrew leant Neil against the brick exterior, facing him with his ankles crossed. 

“I’ve never really done anything like this before,” Neil confessed. “I don’t - I don’t know what’s expected of me.”

“Nothing is,” Andrew insisted. “Nothing you don’t want to do.”

Neil made a vague gesture with his hand. “I’ve been set up before, by Allison or my -” he cleared his throat. “I’ve never asked someone out twice. I suppose I don’t really get it.”

“Do you swing at all?” Andrew inquired. 

Neil shrugged, looking away. He supposed this would be where Andrew decided Neil wasn’t worth his time anymore, if Neil wasn’t really sure about sex or anything remotely intimate - 

Andrew forced Neil to look at him with two fingers under his chin. “Neil, I’m not here to do something you don’t want to do.”

“What’s the point in sticking around, then?” Neil managed. 

Andrew shrugged, dropping his hand. From his pockets he drew out a carton and lighter. Neil let him light two, accepting the second and holding it to the corner of his mouth. “Maybe you’re interesting.” 

Neil hummed quietly. He could understand that. Andrew was interesting too. 

He realised he liked this: the quiet. Smoking together outside a club, the two of them in their own bubble. This side of the building was dark, courtesy of the wooded parklands that came right up to the club’s westerly wall.

Maybe it was a bad idea. Getting involved with someone who was outside of his circle of work was never a good idea. If Andrew figured out that Neil was the Butcher’s son, he didn’t think that the man’s curiosity would be as forgiving. No one in their right mind would date a gangster’s - a serial killer’s - son, not unless they were already involved in Neil’s world. 

“Would you look at that,” came a soft voice from above. “Daddy wouldn’t be too happy if he knew where you were, Junior.” Neil had a knife in his hand before he’d even blinked, pointing it at where the shadow had dropped down into a crouch, just a few feet away. “Would he, now?”

She hadn’t even bothered to obscure her face. Leverett was so sure she was going to kill him that she wasn’t worried about her identity. 

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, fingers twisting in the loose material of Andrew’s shirt. Then he realised Andrew also had a knife in his hand, perfectly balanced and hidden out of sight. Where the hell was he hiding those? Everything he wore was impeccably tight, far too tight to conceal knives. “Well? Get on with it, then.” He felt Andrew’s gaze boring into him, sharp and incredulous.

Her smile faltered, eyes twitching to the left, where someone was probably hidden around the corner. “No pleas for mercy? No last words?”

Neil shrugged. “Learn to stop revealing your plans?” With that he turned and socked the man who emerged right between his eyebrows. It gave them a window, so he dragged Andrew by the hand - if their fingers were intertwined that wasn’t Neil’s problem - and disappeared into the parklands. 

He’d probably been around here before. There weren’t too many places to hide bodies in Baltimore: every time he tripped over a log he wondered if his father had ever left his dead nearby. 

“I think we’ve lost them,” Andrew managed, looking around. Neil just shook his head. “You’re rather idiotic, aren’t you?”

That wasn’t the first time Neil had heard that. “We can’t stop here. We’re only safe when they’re dead.”

“Neil,” Andrew said, lowly. “If you kill them, I’ll have to bring you in.”

Nei blinked, slowly turning around. It was pitch-black, but even then, his eyes were golden. Shimmering. Dead fucking serious. “You’re kidding me.”

"What?”

“Are you a cop?” 

Andrew sighed. “Maybe. Are you a criminal?” 

“If I say yes are you going to lock me up?”

Andrew shrugged. “The worst I’ve seen you do is punch someone in the face. And rightly so.”

You have no idea, Neil wondered, aghast. How had he not noticed? Why hadn’t he done his proper research? This was insane. This was insane. Neil couldn’t date a cop. His father was one of the most highly sought after gang leaders in the Baltimore region! “Fuck,” he whispered, fingertips to his lips. 

“Look,” Andrew said. “I’m not going to ask why there are people chasing after you, who your father is, why the hell you had a cleaver in the compartment of your door, but - we could help each other.”

“What do you mean?” Neil managed, voice strangled. When the fuck had he seen the cleaver?

“You could be my informant, and I can -” Andrew grimaced. “Owe you, I suppose.”

“I don’t want to be an informant,” Neil hissed. “I want - I don’t know. I don’t know. I want to get to know you and also really don’t want you to die right now. But I can’t date a cop. I don’t want to lie to you. I lie to everyone else in my life. I don’t want this to be the same.”

Andrew’s hand rose up to cup his cheek. “Who are you, Neil?” 

A twig snapped nearby: both of them whirled around immediately, bracing themselves.

“Neil?” Leverett laughed dismissively, materialising from the shadows. Neil cursed. They should have never stopped running. “Is that who he told you he was?”

Andrew pulled a knife on her. “Leave.” 

She laughed, but it was cut off with a sharp punch to her throat. Neil blinked: one moment Andrew had been beside him, and the next he had a fistful of Leverett’s hair, her throat constricted by his grip. 

“If you touch him, I will make sure that you never see the light of day again.” She made a gurgling noise. “Do you understand?” When she didn’t respond, he shook her. “I asked: do you understand?”

She nodded weakly. Disgusted, he let her go. She was gone within seconds. 

Slowly, hesitantly, Neil reached out to unwind Andrew’s fist where it was wrapped around the handle of his knife. Their noses brushed as Andrew stepped into Neil’s space. 

“She will be dead by the end of the week,” Neil whispered. “I have no control over that. I have no control over the family I was born into. I’m -”

“Apologise and I’ll gouge your tongue out,” Andrew muttered, sliding the knife back into his armbands. They had to hold sheaths, Neil realised, vaguely impressed. 

He sighed. “Maybe let’s just go see a movie, next time.” 

Andrew arched an eyebrow. “The Godfather?”

Neil looked at him, dubious. The corner of Andrew’s mouth twitched upwards.

“Drive me home,” Andrew said, taking Neil’s wrist. 

Neil just nodded.

*

uhhh 

to be continued? yes, definitely tbc.

(also thank you all for your anons omg so many prompts and so much love I LOVE YALL TOO)

[patolozka]

On Crowley and Mary Magdalene META

 So I was thinking about the whole ‘Crowley could be Mary Magdalene’ concept and I decided to put a few things together. I don’t want to persuade anyone of anything I was just thinking.

This META was written for @a-zira-fell and @azirafuck because they were feeding me with this stuff the last week.

 So here is it:

1. Before the GO show aired in May we knew that Crowley wore female clothes at Golgotha from the stills that were shown to us in April. (It was THIS meta by @intersexaziraphale that I read about it). But after the show I think we promptly forget everything about it because there were so many things to think about.

https://intersexaziraphale.tumblr.com/post/184424971273/so-i-realized-that-not-everyone-knows-what-i-do

2. In the show in the crucifixion scene there is this exchange between our duo:

C:           Come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?

A:           Smirk? Me?

C:           Well, your lot put him on there.

A:           I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crawley.

C:           Oh, I've changed it.

A:           Changed what?

C:           My name. "Crawl-y" just wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too... squirming-at-your-feet-ish.

A:           Well, you were a snake. So, what is it now? Mephistopheles? Asmodeus?

C:           Crowley.

A:           Hmm.

A:           Did you, uh... ever meet him?

C:           Yes. Seemed a very bright young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world.

A:           Why?

C:           He's a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited.

C:           That has got to hurt. What was it he said that got everyone so upset?

A:           "Be kind to each other."

C:           Oh, yeah. That'll do it.

 In the script there is no bigger change in the exchange and about Crowley there is not much more than that he is wearing black. But we saw how he looked like in the show.

 3. Then there is this Neil Gaiman’s tweet

Source: https://vintagefloof.tumblr.com/post/186199778332/confirmation-from-mr-gaiman-on-twitter-today-that

 4. And also this meta by @olliaaron about Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s clothing during crucifixion:

https://olliaaron.tumblr.com/post/186239033859/so-i-read-something-about-this-and-heres-an

 5. What do we know about Mary Magdalene

·         She may have been Jesus’s wife, but we don’t know for sure. {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         She is for the first time noticed as one of the women who “ministered to Christ of their substance.” (Luke 8:3) {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         She travelled with Jesus as one of his followers and was a witness to his crucifixion, burial, and resurrection. (According to the four canonical gospels) {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         Mary as one of the women who travelled with Jesus and helped support his ministry "out of their resources", indicating that she was probably relatively wealthy. (Luke 8:2–3) {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         There is a statement seven demons had been driven out of her (Luke 8:2–3) and that prompted her to became Jesus‘ follower. {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         She was one of women who found the sepulchre of Jesus empty (with Salome and Mary the mother of James) and saw the “vision of angels”. (Matthew 28:5). {Eastons Bible Dictionary} The angel told them that Jesus had risen from the dead. Then the risen Jesus himself appeared to the women as they were leaving the tomb and told them to tell the other disciples that he would meet them in Galilee. (Matthew 28:1–10){ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         She hastens to tell Peter and John (John 20:1, 2), and again immediately returns to the sepulchre. There she lingers thoughtfully, weeping at the door of the tomb. {Eastons Bible Dictionary}

·         The risen Jesus appears to her but she at first mistook him for the gardener. After she heard him say her name, she recognized him and cried out "Rabbouni!" (which is Aramaic for "teacher"). She tried to touch him, but he told her, "Don't touch me, for I have not yet ascended to my father”. The Gospel of John therefore portrays Mary Magdalene as the first apostle, the apostle sent to the apostles. (John 20:1–10) {CZ Wiki}

·         According to Luke 24:1–12 a group of unnamed women went to the tomb and found the stone already rolled away, as in Mark. They went inside and saw two young men dressed in white who told them that Jesus had risen from the dead. Then they went and told the eleven remaining apostles, who dismissed their story as nonsense. {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         After the resurrection she returned to Jerusalem. {Eastons Bible Dictionary}

·         In apocryphal texts, Mary Magdalene is portrayed as a visionary and leader of the early movement whom Jesus loved more than he loved the other disciples. {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         The earliest dialogue between Jesus and Mary Magdalene is probably the Dialogue of the Savior, a badly damaged Gnostic text discovered in the Nag Hammadi library in 1945. In saying 53, the Dialogue even attributes to Mary three aphorisms that are attributed to Jesus in the New Testament: "The wickedness of each day [is sufficient]. Workers deserve their food. Disciples resemble their teachers." The narrator commends Mary stating "she spoke this utterance as a woman who understood everything." {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         In Gospel of Thomas in saying 114: Simon Peter said to them: “Let Mary go forth from among us, for women are not worthy of the life”. Jesus said: “Behold, I shall lead her, that I may make her male, in order that she also may become a living spirit like you males. For every woman who makes herself male shall enter into the kingdom of heaven.“ {ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         In Gospel of Philip: And the companion of the saviour [was] Mary Magdalene. [Christ] loved Mary more than all the disciples, and used to kiss her often on the mouth. The rest of the disciples [were offended by it and expressed disapproval]. They said to him, "Why do you love her more than all of us?" The Saviour answered and said to them, "Why do I not love you like her? When a blind man and one who sees are both together in darkness, they are no different from one another. When the light comes, then he who sees will see the light, and he who is blind will remain in darkness."{ENG Wiki Mary Magdalene}

·         The Gospel of Mary: The Gospel of Mary was probably written over a century after the historical Mary Magdalene's death. The gospel does not claim to have been written by her and its author is, in fact, anonymous. Unlike in the Gospel of Thomas, where women can only be saved by becoming men, in the Gospel of Mary, they can be saved just as they are.

 Then there is this:

Source: https://azirafuck.tumblr.com/post/186236114966/so-i-was-already-on-board-with-the-whole-crowley

 6. How we can see Mary Magdalene in art

As you can see, majority of the paintings pictures Mary Magdalene with red hair and more so some of them even in dark colours.

Source of the pic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Magdalene

 7. Dan Brown

I’m a big fan of Dan Brown and of course I know his ‘Da Vinci Code’ is only a fiction but still…

According to Dan Brown, there was a woman in Jesus‘ life. According to him, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. And according to his book Leonardo da Vinci painted Mary Magdalene on ‘The Last Supper’, not John. And you know what hair colour does she have there? Red.

Source: https://cdn.getyourguide.com/img/tour_img-312981-148.jpg

 Some pieces from book Da Vinci Code about Mary Magdalene

"The marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene is part of the historical record... Moreover, Jesus as a married man makes infinitely more sense than our standard biblical view of Jesus as a bachelor... If Jesus were not married, at least one of the Bible’s gospels would have mentioned it and offered some explanation for His unnatural state of bachelorhood." (The Da Vinci Code, 245; cf. 244)

“Behold the greatest cover-up in human history... Not only was Jesus Christ married, but He was a father. My dear, Mary Magdalene was the Holy Vessel. She was the chalice that bore the royal bloodline of Jesus Christ” (Code, 249)

“Jesus was the original feminist. He intended for the future of His Church to be in the hands of Mary Magdalene.” (Code, 248)

“The Church, in order to defend itself against the Magdalene’s power, perpetuated her image as a whore and buried evidence of Christ’s marriage to her, thereby defusing any potential claims that Christ had a surviving bloodline and was a mortal prophet.” (Code, 254)

Source: https://www.westmont.edu/~fisk/articles/bruce_fisk_on_the_da_vinci_code.html (it’s a big article about why it all can’t be true, but it has its moments)

 And I add one of my favorites:

"Who is she?" Sophie asked.

"That, my dear," Teabing replied, "is Mary Magdalene."

Sophie turned. "The prostitute?"

Teabing drew a short breath, as if the word had injured him personally. "Magdalene was no such thing. That unfortunate misconception is the legacy of a smear campaign launched by the early Church. The Church needed to defame Mary Magdalene in order to cover up her dangerous secret—her role as the Holy Grail." (Da Vinci Code, 205)

 8. Gender in Good Omens

We know that angels don’t bother themselves with gender. But to me it looks quite like Crowley was manifesting himself the first four thousands more as a female than as a male.

In the garden of Eden, he is a demon, of course, but still you can see a slit in his clothes. I don’t think Aziraphale has some too. It could be only that his clothes are ragged but still…

In the Noah’s ark he looks more woman then man on the second glance. His long hair, his dress with belt…

At Golgotha it’s most prominent. There you can see he presents himself as a woman.

And after that, only 8 years later, the big change. The short hair, the glasses, all male.

And only other occasion in which we can see Crowley as a female is with Warlock as his nanny. But that is a different story.

 9. So let me summarize it.

v  Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ follower and travelled with him.

v  Crowley knew Jesus, he showed him the world.

v  Mary Magdalene was a witness to Jesus’ crucifixion, burial, and resurrection.

v  Crowley manifested himself as a woman during Jesus’ life and he was a witness to Jesus’ crucifixion.

v  Mary Magdalene was probably wealthy.

v  Crowley has no problem with money.

v  Mary Magdalene is often pictured as a woman with long, curly, red hair.

v  Crowley had for the first four thousand years long, curly, red hair.

v  After the crucifixion Mary Magdalene left and went to Jerusalem.

v  After the crucifixion Crowley left Palestine and went to Rome.

v  Out of Mary Magdalene had been driven seven demons.

v  Crowley is a demon.

v  Mary Magdalene saw an angel (or two angels) that told her Jesus had risen from the dead.

v  Crowley has no problem with seeing angels.

v  Jesus said to Mary Magdalene after resurrection: "Don't touch me, for I have not yet ascended to my father”.

v  Crowley is demon, that could do it. ¨

v  In apocryphal texts, Mary Magdalene is portrayed as a visionary and leader of the early movement.

v  Crowley invented many things and was a leader of a sort on Earth.

v  Three Jesus’ aphorisms are attributed Mary Magdalene: "The wickedness of each day [is sufficient]. Workers deserve their food. Disciples resemble their teachers." She is also described as: "she spoke this utterance as a woman who understood everything."

v  Well, I don’t think like you but I think it’s a pretty good description of Crowley if you ask his co-workers.

v  Jesus said he may make Mary Magdalene male to become equal men.

v  Crowley changed after his death to male and also changed his name.

v  The Gospel of Mary was probably written over a century after the historical Mary Magdalene's death. The gospel does not claim to have been written by her and its author is anonymous.

v  Mary Magdalene’s gospel was found in Egypt covered in feathers.

 10. So I think Crowley could be Mary Magdalene. Crowley and Jesus could be together. Crowley could be the one painted all the time on all the Mary Magdalene’s pictures.

 The idea about Crowley being Mary Magdalene is not mine. It’s all tumblr.

[ravenvsfox]

Get Lost and Andreil 🌝🌝🌝

I hope it’s okay, but I put these two prompts together, and I took the whole lines, so this is:

let’s get lost and let the good times roll + the dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do

There’s a line up when they pull up to Eden’s Twilight, the 1 am crowd dispersing into the midnight one like someone refreshing the bathwater, all that new heat and fragrance.

Andrew’s already struggling to keeps tabs on his family. 

Aaron’s wasted, humming to himself, picking overly carefully over the cracks in the pavement. Nicky’s only barely less drunk, and he’s all dressed up in anticipation of pride, glitter in his stubble and streaked from his cheekbones up to his hairline.

“I’m going to go find Neil,” Andrew tells them. Nicky slops both arms around Aaron’s neck so they crisscross, like a wishy-washy headlock. Aaron ducks and tries to fight him off.

“Danke,” Nicky singsongs, laughing and tussling with his cousin.

Andrew crosses his arms tight against the cold, and follows the winding line all the way to the front. There’s a clump of people clogging the door, a couple of them shouting, trying to get around the ID scanner, maybe. 

Neil’s at the centre, holding one guy back firmly by the chest, and trying flatly to negotiate between two other kids who are clearly underage. He’s not tall, but he holds them at bay almost too easily, as incongruous and lightweight as a cork plugging a leak.

Their eyes meet through the commotion. 

Andrew tilts his head in the direction of the bar, then back at Nicky and Aaron. Be right there, Neil mouths. Andrew shrugs. 

He looks back at his family again, mixed in with the rest of the crowd. Their affection is a complicated two-step; they cringe and grin in turns, and the liquor wriggles past their distrust and turns them candid.

He watches them so he won’t linger on the way Neil’s posture changed when he spotted him, like he was straightening up for inspection.

When Andrew first met him at the club door, he’d seen only Neil’s ducked head, the way it made him look even smaller. He’d assumed that he could overpower him, easily, or that Neil would simply dissolve into his hoodie, and Andrew would forget about him.

He was always particular about the staff at Eden’s Twilight. They knew him, and he knew exactly which ones would watch the door for him, keep Aaron upright, and text him when Nicky started to think that a brawl was his business.

But then Neil had been so quick in a fight, and he’d had this--torpedo for a mouth. He’d memorized which twin was which after meeting them once, for a moment, in the dark. 

He threw a punch for Nicky after he’d known them for a month. 

Six months, and he did things like run out on his shift to buy Andrew’s favourite cigarettes, and let Nicky smack blue lipstick kisses on his cheek.

Andrew keeps skimming the trust off the top of him. He licks the comfort of his backup off his fingers like foam, and he never drinks deeper than that, never gets to the cool, crisp interest underneath.

He swallows cracker dust instead, pulls Roland into the back room and thinks of Neil outside the bar, guarding the door. Between the sugar and the drugs and Roland’s cherry-red mouth, the sweetness could kill him.

“Andrew,” Neil calls. “You guys are good.” He tosses him three wristbands, and Andrew snatches them out of the air. He waves Nicky and Aaron forward, and tries to thread the tricky needle of their uncoordinated bodies, the tight crowd, and Neil, still looking at him. 

“Every time you let them in like this, you get closer to being fired.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “I’m not worried.”

Andrew pushes Aaron and Nicky by the shoulders, trying to force them inside, out of this moment. He feels like he’s stuffing a suitcase that’s already full. Or like he’s trying to stuff a suitcase into another suitcase.

“Drew,” Neil says quietly. Andrew looks back at him and finds his expression soft and conflicted. “Find me before you go?”

Andrew wets his lips, quick. “We’ll see.”

They detach, with a little dying flicker and spark, a power surge and then nothing.

Andrew follows his family inside, bogged down in the motion of his own legs working on the stairs, the buzz from the alcohol wearing off, but a new one burning his fingertips, the dangerous feeling that he might like to be touched.

_____

He gets drunker, warmer, faster, puts everything in his head in a blender so it’s easier to swallow. He circles back to Roland too many times, leaning over the bar to put in new drink orders, enjoying the way that he shivers if Andrew puts his hand next to his on the bar.

His brother is fixed on a high stool at a corner table, and Nicky is dancing with two people at once, a couple maybe. 

He watches all this, and he also watches the front door opening and closing, cold air coming in, the flash of dark red hair caught in the wind.

“I know what you’re doing,” Roland says. He looks at him sideways. “You’re pretending I’m Neil,” he says conspiratorially.

Andrew takes a sip of his drink. “I would have to be drunker than this, to mistake you for him.”

“Fuck off. You know what I’m talking about. It’s stupid how long ago you two should have happened.”

“It’s not going to happen. He ‘doesn’t swing’, remember?”

“I don’t think you should put too much stock in what people say when Nicky’s hitting on them.”

“Some people listen, when they’re told what someone’s preferences are,” he says meaningfully, nodding at Roland’s hands.

“The touching thing again?” he asks, exasperated. “I’ve apologized a hundred times. I didn’t know it was going to be so hard to remember where I could put my hands when you were squirming around on top of--”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Andrew warns.

Roland puts his hands up, chastened. “I just wish you weren’t so afraid of enjoying yourself,” he says.

“I’m not.”

“Oh?” Roland says. A strange look comes over his face. “Oh. You’re afraid of enjoying him.” Andrew looks up at him, and Roland grins. “You really like him.”

“Stop talking.”

“Can’t,” he laughs. “I’m having a breakthrough.”

Andrew pushes off the bar at that, and Roland calls half-heartedly after him, still laughing. It’s harder than he thought, to put space between himself and the edges of the room, to try and keep his gate steady without anything to hold onto. 

He heads for the back door, jabbing the push-bar and kicking an empty bottle into the gap so it doesn’t lock behind him. 

He sits down hard on the cement steps, and when he looks up, Neil is across from him in the alleyway, slung casually up against the wall, trying not to smile. 

He has a cigarette between his fingers, but he’s not smoking it. “You had enough?”

“For now,” Andrew says. 

Neil nods. 

“You wanted me to find you,” Andrew reminds him.

“Right,” he says hastily. “I uh--wanted to give you this.” He digs in his pocket and comes up with a shiny little silver key. He crosses the alley to give it to him. When he leans in, the smoke from his cigarette leaks out over Andrew’s face.

“What does it open?”

“The back room,” Neil says, shrugging. “I know Roland takes you there, sometimes, when it gets to be too much in the club. You should be able to come and go.”

Unfortunately, Andrew can’t stop his face from heating up. He slides the key into his back pocket and looks away. “You really are going to get fired for shit like this.”

Neil shrugs one shoulder. “Fine. I’d rather do what I want to do, while I’m here. I don’t like following rules that don’t make sense.”

“While you’re here?” Andrew repeats.

Neil’s eyes flicker between his, caught. “I never end up staying anywhere for long,” he admits. “Do you?”

“We’re regulars here,” Andrew reminds him.

“I assumed that was because you wanted to see me so badly,” he jokes. 

Andrew wants to disagree, but he can’t get his mouth around the lie. Since Neil gave him the key a minute ago, he’s stayed close, standing level with Andrew on the top stair. There’s wind, somewhere, but it can’t seem to fight its way between them.

When they met, Andrew assumed he could overpower Neil, but he’d had it backwards.

His cigarette drops to the ground. “Andrew,” he says quietly.

Andrew pulls himself up on the railing, and Neil steadies him by the shoulders.

“Careful,” he says.

“Too late,” Andrew says, and then he kisses the vulnerable shape of Neil’s mouth. 

He slides his fingers up into that ruffled red hair, and pulls him where he wants him. Neil gives him this slow, head to waist caress, such a light touch that Andrew just shivers and shivers through it.

“Hands on the railing,” he instructs him, because he can’t stand it. His mouth moves over Neil’s as he speaks. Neil wraps his hands around the bar between them without asking any questions. His eyes are slitted open, so close that Andrew can see the seam of his contact lenses in the dark.

He kisses the wet corner of his mouth, and drags their lips together until they’re aligned again. He thrills at the brush of Neil’s knuckles, when he leans close enough to trap his hands between their chests.

He pulls on the drawstrings of Neil’s black security hoodie, twining his fingers in them. The hood constricts around his neck, and Andrew watches it close with interest. He swipes his tongue over Neil’s bruised bottom lip.

“Isn’t your family waiting for you?” Neil asks.

Andrew swallows, thumbs tucked up into the soft, buzzed hair behind Neil’s ears. He realizes that they’re moving together like they have been for months, rocking in the same direction, nodding at the same time, only now they’re much, much closer.

“I’ve been waiting for longer.”

[mistersandmangivemeadream]

W is for War

Intro: It was a simple request. This is longer than my usual, but it’s a pair I’m (amongst many others) acutely fond of. Sirius and Lupin were not given nearly enough justice by their original writer. I hope to give them both more hope and justice in the ways which I can. 

Obviously, we are in the world in which Black did not die. It is a couple years later, around when Harry and Ginny are engaged with their wedding on the horizon. 

There will be a second part to this eventually. 

The title of the piece is a harken back to ‘M is for Magic’ by Neil Gaiman, a collection of short stories, who in turn got that from a collection of short stories by one of his favorite authors 

Read This on Ao3 

CW: death & war imagery 

“What’s going on?”

A man looks up with eyes flaming like Gabriel’s sword at the Garden Gate of Eden. Perhaps a touch damper than that, but no one has been close enough to the angel to really tell if they too cry with the look of half annoyance and half on the verge of something else entirely unrecorded by men. 

“I have to find it.”

The friend, very much confused as to what they have walked into, asks, “Find what?” Trapezes step by careful step over record sleeves that are scattered haphazardly around Sirius. 

“Their song, Remus. Their damned song. I...” the air deflating quickly out of the man as he leans  back onto his haunches though there are no balloons in sight. Tears begin to burn traitorously at the edges of his eyes as he angrily wipes them away with a sleeve. No need for those here if they aren’t going to be helpful in finding anything. “I found the record they played at their wedding…. that night...it just...needed some cleaning up...I kept it all these years” Gesturing to a plain gramophone on a hutch. “And now I can’t find it....I can’t...” Hands travel over these case-less records as if it’ll repair whatever is cracking. 

Their sleeves forgotten. 

Remus sinks to his aching knees, that have nothing to do with the cold or incoming storm front, to help. We’ve all felt them before, if you were to go pray right now you’ll feel it again even.  

Floorboards creak. The wind moans. Wordlessly they search to and fro for 15 minutes or so. Brows furrowed and more and more desperate as minutes tick on by. They search under couches. In old bookshelves. Found things in the curtains that bite. Sirius suckles at his injured  thumb as he bashes in some crushed velvet with a ferocity usually reserved for fiercer adversaries than decorative throw pillows. 

Surprise of all surprises, as is usually the case when one is looking for anything that is lost, they find it resting in the back of the hutch the record player is on- where Sirius swears he had looked when he first began. It is untouched by time or hardship, dusty yet perfectly serviceable for their purposes. 

The hair of a dog-man happy cries while he rushes around like a little boy asking for Lupin to, “turn it on, turn it on” as he exuberantly throws open the curtains. His dear friend smiles as he puts on the pin. 

He looks 10 years younger and quite a bit more rakish as he puts out a hand. 

“Dance with me, Moony.

It’s something your grandparents danced to.That your parents scoffed at as children till they too followed in their steps.Do all love songs work this way? 

The bouncing around and stepping on toes and then hitting the slow songs. Spreading apart slowly like that new thing is fresh strawberry jam. Sticky and sweet and new and familiar. Sirius ignores the dry mouth that accompanies the closeness of his friend. He smells like cloves. 

Waving to the record player which has begun to play Lily & James’ first dance, he moves over with sudden interest to observe the fat droplets that have begun to hit the window pane.Leaving a couple meters between the men. Lupin’s fingers twitch like Padfoot has always been his phantom limb. Be a little more outrageous of an idea if Remus couldn’t feel the ache returning. This time isn’t wasn’t just in his knees , it spread out in a particularly prickly way outwards from his chest, as it began to rain. 

“I wanted to find it for Ginny and Harry’s wedding.” Sirius now grins back at Lupin who must nod away like a good friend does, “you think they’ll disown us if we recreate that night at Lily & James’s wedding? I don’t remember anything past you getting me outta James’ dear Aunt Barges’ claws.”Catching sight of his friend's expression that looks less than affable, the bark of a laugh dies in his throat. The silence becomes damning. 

“You alright, Moony?” 

Exasperation like he has never heard before from that mouth. Sounds like disappointment, but not the kind for putting his hand into the tin before supper or about his tastes in sock-wear. Something burns brightly in those eyes that look back at him. “Why must you always do that?”

Confusion clouds his face as he watches the werewolf stride over to the gramophone. “Do wha-”

“Do not dare insult me Sirius John Black-”  as he raises the pin off the record the music dramatically stops. As he yanks it off, Sirius yells. 

“REMUS DON’T-.” 

The man pauses to look at Sirius. Just looks for an undetermined amount of time enough to make his friend’s skin crawl with apprehension. He grabs the sleeve and gently slides it back in, “Do you trust me so little, Black?” 

That stings. “I….we just found it didn’t….” There are no excuses, none that matter, that the last time he had trust it’d died in a place called Godric’s Hollow. He had been running like hell was on his heel ever since. 

Boys don’t come home from war; the men do. But even the trenches had radios. 

Remus becomes as intrigued by the rain as Black had been earlier. Record still in hand, the grey slate a metaphor. Dull ticking of a clock a reminder about things lately borrowed. The room breathes as Lupin regains a composure he is most known for. As his thoughts start collecting again in an orderly manner, he speaks without reserve though it lacks heart, “I waited for you to not be dead.You were all that was left out of all we had lost. And I thought I loved you because you came back when no one else could. But that’s not true- ” 

There are tears in those eyes, “I’m lonely too.” 

There’s the ugly thing now like a croaking frog that leapt out of his mouth. “What was I before the moon? Before the war?” There is no time to explain. 

“I don’t know.” 

The Irish trip into their graves.  

Do the English dance into them? 

The man looks down at the piece of memorabilia. 

“I miss them.” Then he rests it down back on the hutch like a babe laid to rest peacefully. Harry will one day play it for his child .This hope is like poppies as his hand rubs mindlessly at his chest where his heart should be if he hadn’t vomited it onto the carpet already at Black’s feet but a moment prior. “But I would miss you more now for knowing you.” Sirius’ tongue is mud. Thick and useless, unlike the strawberry jam sensation earlier it has an iron tang that is fast to fill the mouth.Can’t breathe for all the space in Grimmauld Place the lot of them. They’ve forgotten how.

There’s ringing in Black’s ears, his skin buzzes the same as whatever lives in the curtains, and Azkaban rattles in his chest like somebody is about to kiss him. 

“Why do you always do that?”

“What?”

There is no memory of how Sirius got across the room so fast. 

“Wait for me” 

That kiss hurts. The second less so. The teeth clicking in unfamiliarity does much to make the library once more into a sanctuary,  as they both come up air grinning and laughing like the fools they are. Not quite yet sure how to proceed, Sirius for once in his well endowed life discovers himself nervous at the foot of a lover. 

We- and Lupin- shall call that poetic justice. 

Pushing a lock of hair behind Black’s ear who has yet to come to terms with having butterflies at his age. Do they need cages? Can they live off fish and chips? “What is it?” Remus asked a crease furrowing his brow. 

“Oh I was just wondering if butterfli-” he waves a hand, “-nevermind. We need suits, you know?”

Remus’ eyes glitter in good humor, “Oh do we now?” 

“Of course for my Godson’s wedding. Unless you are telling me you’ve retained your boyish..form all these years?” The look goes to Remus’ gut. It is one he has seen half a dozen times….at other women...at other men. Sirius adjusts a lapel that need not be adjusted in his personal opinion. “I’m afraid it has seen better days.” Lupin tries to half-joke, not thinking about scars, fresh and not, underneath. “What about yourself-” He pretends to look around Black, “where do you hide all those pints?” 

Scandalized and incredulous Sirius exclaims hand on chest, “I’m offended. They went straight to my fine derriere. Thank you kindly, Professor.” 

An eyeroll most impeccable which had been under reservation for Sirus John Black since they’d been 11 he stated plainly, “Moony, you know I don’t teach anymore…”

Padfoot wouldn’t let Moony get away with anything, “I’m sure you could teach this old dog a few new tricks.” 

The wink; His friend was back. The taste of him in his mouth still new he watched as Sirius went to snatch a jacket off the back of a chair. “Come on, luv.”

So he followed after. 

[jsteneil]

Neil Josten’s Birthday Bash

in which the foxes don’t get anything done, ever

 *

Nicky added Dan, Kevin, Aaron and three others to “Neil Josten's Birthday Bash Organization Committee”.

Nicky: can't add Andrew because he still owns a FLIP PHONE but here we go

Dan: hell yeah B-)

Nicky: kevin can fill him in with the details anyway

Kevin: why me?

Allison: because you live with him?

Matt: you're practically attached at the hip

Dan: omg ur roomm8s

Matt: ^^^ what allison said

Dan: yeah

Nicky: OR aaron can do it on wednesdays so that there's no chance of neil finding out :D

Aaron: no.

Aaron left the chat.

Nicky: what

Nicky: the

Kevin: just add him back

Nicky: fuck

Kevin: ffs

Kevin: some ppl are in class

Nicky added Aaron to the chat.

Aaron: im muting you all

Allison: just embrace the fact that you've lived in SC for years and say y'all

Nicky: y'all!!!

Nicky: yeah

Matt: dude don't how are u gonna know when to buy your coordinated outfit and rehearse the choreography if you mute us

Dan: Aaron?

Renee: I do think he muted us

Allison: fuck a crybaby

Nicky: hey

Allison: what's he gonna do? Unmute us?

Dan: asdhskfjdl ALLI

Matt: lmfao

Nicky: moving ON

Nicky: the important thing here is my boy neil's birthday

Kevin: and you wonder why Aaron left

Nicky: what?

Kevin: maybe Neil doesn't want to celebrate his bday

Nicky: no that's too sad

Nicky: next person?

Allison: not to be that bitch

Matt: oh?

Allison: but do we even know when his birthday is?

Allison: fuck you matthew donovan boyd

Matt: sorry i love you

Dan: it was easy

Dan: matt ur easy

Matt: ily babe

Dan: <3

Kevin: jan 19th

Renee: March 31st?

Allison: wait

Dan: uhhhh

Matt: Neil Josten deserves 2 bdayz

Kevin: no jan 19th

Renee: oh i thought we were using the one he chose for himself

Matt: Renee add a smiley face

Renee: :)

Renee: ?

Dan: babe ur mind,,,, im crying

Matt: ikr

Allison: stop using mygf so

Kevin: is it me or does it sound really passive aggressive bitchy with a smiley face

Dan: ye that's the point

Renee: I really wasn't trying to be

Matt: oh no we know, sorry

Matt: i feel bad now

Matt: it was just funny

Matt: sorry

Dan: :(

Renee: It's okay, don’t worry

Renee: :)

Dan: renee STOP i feel like ur going 2 murder me in my sleep

Renee: I could, but I won't

Nicky: im shaking and im not even in your dorm

Allison: and we daily thank god for that

Nicky: hey im an excellent roommate

Nicky: i always leave so cap and matt can have sexy times

Dan: yeah but then u call it sexy time

Allison: ive seen the bathroom nicky

Nicky: that's aaron

Matt: l o l

Kevin: aaron's a neat freak

Allison: exposed

Nicky: erik come get me the people here are mean

Renee: So when's Neil's actual birthday?

Kevin: jan 19th

Nicky: who's gonna ask andrew?

Kevin: HE HAS REAL PAPERS NOW

Kevin: JUST GO CHECK AND LET ME BE IN CLASS IN PEACE

Allison: well okay drama queen

Dan: kevin: *is on the chat as much as us*

Dan: also kevin: guys why r u dragging me here

Matt: it's okay kevin we can talk about it during practice

Renee: Don't goad him, Matt

Dan: lmfao babe u thought

Matt: uh oh

Allison: lol

Dan: we need 2 trounce the ravens nxt wk

Nicky: do we have to

Dan: y'all r hauling ass @ practice or god help me

Nicky: id settle for a close victory

Matt: nicky if you don't help us close the goal next friday im telling neil about his surprise

Nicky: noooooo :'(

Allison: ye renee has enough to do without having to face stuff y'all should have blocked

Renee: Andrew is also a goalkeeper

Allison: yeah but he doesn't give a fuck

Renee: That's neither true nor fair

Dan: i want bragging rights over this vctry, end of the question

Matt: are we just gonna ignore the fact that the fbi chose neil's old bday

Matt: even tho they made him a new identity

Allison: wonder how this conversation went

Nicky: are we ignoring the fact that neil is a goddamn CAPRICORN

Allison: "in my left hand is your birthday date. In my right hand is your other birthday" *shuffles behind his back*

Matt: idk about astrology but I checked and he tried to pass for an aries so what does that tell us?

Dan: shut up adfhskdjs

Nicky: im dying

Kevin: [attached picture]

Matt: did u steal neil's ID

Allison: i thought you were in class

Kevin: he sent it to me

Nicky: his phone can take pics??

Dan: RLY crappy 1s but yeah

Nicky: so all those times andrew refused to send me pics of his Eden’s Twilight's outfits so i could coordinate neil's…

Matt: :/

Kevin: he just doesn't like you

Allison: i would have laughed but you two have been fighting the good fight since last year, dressing neil up

Nicky: hey

Renee: Kevin, that was mean

Nicky: but thanx allison, I think so too

Kevin: sorry

Kevin: he's just difficult?

Nicky: yeah :(

Dan: omg u guys rmr when neil was on k ferdinand's show n he looked like a bite-sized snack in that shirt

Kevin: not exactly what I remember from this interview

Dan: u were pretty 2 <3

Kevin: oh my god

Renee: Didn't Neil keep the clothes?

Nicky: i've never seen him wear them again

Nicky: maybe he STUFFED THEM DOWN THE TOILET

Matt: uh okay

Allison: weird emphasis

Kevin: are you still stuck on that

Dan: what

Kevin: it's what happened with the clothes he wore the first time we went to columbia

Nicky: do you know how expensive that plumber was?

Matt: just a thought but maybe that wouldn't have happened if you didn't force him to come with you and drugged him against his will

Allison: don't tell me someone actually peed on them and tried to flush

Nicky: take it up with andrew

Matt: you literally drove the car

Kevin: what happened in columbia stays in columbia

Allison: omg oh my god

Dan: IM SCREAMING

Nicky: what was i supposed to do, get knifed?

Nicky: also ^^^^ yeah.

Nicky: ANYWAY

Nicky: now that Kevin got us proof that the FBI officially made neil a capricorn again,,

Dan: the fbi be like "oh u thought u could escape ur traumatic past? That's nice buddy

Matt: yeah I don't think beating last year's party is gonna be hard

Dan: here's ur bday n trauma back"

Nicky: HAPPY THOUGHTS

Nicky: :(

Nicky: anyway it's the big 21st, so the first thing in order is BOOZE

Kevin: uh nicky

Renee: He's turning 20?

Matt: what???

Kevin: yeah he aged himself up on his fake papers

Matt: oh my god

Dan: lmfao only neil

Nicky: he is baby

Matt: does. Does he know though. Like did he check when they made him the papers.

Kevin: I'm guessing so

Matt: imagine filling a form or smth and you get the day right but not the year

Renee: Wait Kevin, how did you get neil to send you the pic without telling him about the surprise party?

Nicky: DON'T YOU DARE HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NJBB

Allison: njbb?

Dan: neil josten's bday bash, im guessing

Nicky: Neil Josten's

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Nicky: yes

Allison: it doesn’t sound right

Allison: like, something’s missing in the name

Matt: alli we play a sport named after what you get when you take the s from sexy

Dan: 10 bux kevin wishes he didn't have such a stick up his butt so he could reply with exy is sexy

Allison: im not taking that

Kevin: i actually don't know why she named it that

Kevin: she never told the press and she didn't write it anywhere so

Nicky: :(

Allison: oh

Dan: sorry :(

Renee: Maybe coach knows?

Matt: maybe each letter has a meaning

Kevin: how?

Allison: endangering xylophones yearly?

Matt: EXceptional daY

Matt: and then, boom, it's about your name

Renee: Matt, I like that idea!

Dan: allison, no

Kevin: I'll have to ask coach, renee

Kevin: anyway it was always going to be her name, she invented it

Nicky: someone bring neil in so he can say something super serious about how kevin is a legendary striker whose name is already associated with exy and make us choke with emotion

Kevin: nicky….

Nicky: look it's working and he's not even there

Allison: it's the josten effect

Dan: changing your entire life's beliefs one extremely tragic remark at a time

Matt:...

Matt: someone change the subject im sad

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Kevin: oh yeah nicky asked me how i got neil's ID

Allison: and?

Kevin: i told him i signed him up for his own exynews account so he could stop hogging mine for streaming

Kevin: so i needed his name and birthday

Kevin: and then we got into an argument about date formats

Nicky: dd/mm/yy 4ever

Allison: eww

Kevin: so he sent me a pic instead of writing the date

Dan: it's the european propaganda getting to him

Kevin: i guess i really have to get him an account now

Dan: kevin i know you're entirely serious but that's so funny

Nicky: THE REST OF THE WORLD USES IT

Matt: admit it, you can't wait to go back to Germany because you secretly like the metric system

Nicky: yeah dicks sound bigger if you use centimeters

Dan: didn't need 2 know that

Nicky: not that erik needs that :)

Dan: I DON'T WANNA KNOW

Renee: ….

Matt: honestly im glad i don't understand german or i would never live down all the skyping

Dan: renee's like "can't relate" lmfao

Renee: No indeed

Allison: hell yeah that's my girlfriend

Renee: <3

Allison: hey minyard if you're secretly lurking now is the time to leave

Allison: …

Renee: No, he truly muted us earlier

Dan: are we surprised?

Renee: we'll catch him up on what we decide to do later

Renee: Nicky?

Nicky: oh, yeah!!!

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Matt: here we go again

Dan: mamma mia

[codename-adler]

Kevin Day and his Oblivious Literature Lover, pt.IV

In times of college finals, aftg is my coping mechanism of predilection. hope it helps some :)

>> Table of Contents,TW and other parts here!

i’ll let you guess what Kevin and Juliet chose for their project

oh, yes

the letters of Hamilton, Eliza and John + Hamilton: The Musical

i will fight you on this

at first, when Juliet suggests it, Kevin stares at her so hard bc really?? a musical??

but then she lends him the 50$ leatherbound official book of the musical (you know the navy blue and beige one? you know what i’m talking about, right?) and reads it all in one evening and wow

lin-manuel miranda? genius. ron chernow? Genius. alexander hamilton? Dumb Genius.

oh yeah and Juliet? Absolutely mind-blowing genius.

as Andrew & Neil grow closer and the match agaisnt the Ravens rounds the corner, Kevin finds himself looking more and more forward to the time spent at the library with Juliet

she is just so focused on their project and so oblivious as who he really is and doesn’t really care if sometimes he is more anxious, if freaks over everything to be perfect, if he babbles on&on&on&on about any bit of history he discovered

she’s just there, smirking, stiffling her laughs and asking for more

they’ve exhanged phone numbers and she installed snapchat on his, and although he never sends her anything, she always has a short video and a funny caption that pop up from time to time; they’re that little reminder that the world goes on outside of exy and that he exists outside of exy

she introduces him to funny videos and he didn’t know absolute dumb shit could make him snort??

his favorite is the peanut butter baby

at first the Foxes give him this judgemental look when he ugly-snorts in the locker room or at Eden’s, but eventually they just get that glint in their eyes as if they were in on the jokes

sometimes, Juliet’s so focused on writing down bullet points in her notebook, peeling the skin off her lips, so unaware of Kevin’s personal hell of a life, that he just wants to spill out everything

although he’s not sure if it’s because he wants her to know him and stay, or because he wants her to reject him and therefore spare himself the trouble of getting attached...

she takes the decision for him

on a Thursday afternoon, on their planned study session, she doesn’t show up

she doesn’t answer her phone either

he even tries out a completely blacked out snap with “r u alive?” in caption

no answer

he gives her space, sending her occasional cat videos he thoroughly researches

if she watches them, she doesn’t say anything

on Monday afternoon, she doesn’t come to class

that’s when the panic Kevin’s been reigning in just... bursts

what if it’s Riko? 

what if it’s the Master?

what if it’s Ichirou?

what if, somehow, it’s the Butcher’s people?

that afternoon’s practice is hell for the Foxes, Kevin is ruthless and an asshole and very agressive

Dan waits for him outside the boys’ locker room as all the other Foxes leave (not even Andrew and Neil want to wait for him)

“Spit out your goddamn problem before I tell Coach to bench you next game”

oh, how Kevin wants to cuss her out

and then he looks  at her face, ready to vomit words, when he sees her worrying her lips

just like Juliet

it shouldn’t be enough to make him tear up, but it does

he still manages to keep as much of the truth to himself as he possibly can

“My EAL partner isn’t responding to my messages or my calls and she didn’t even come to class today and it stresses me the fuck out and what if it’s like with Neil, Dan?” he says in one breath, trying to tear out the net of his racket

Dan recomposes her face and gets that very serious look, the one she usually gets when someone touches her family

“It’s not, Kevin. That’s over. We got Neil back, we got you back, you got Jean back. The team didn’t even know who that person was. The most info we’ve gathered is what you just told me now. Yeah there are some bets but it’s mostly for funsies, nothing even remotely serious. You wanna look for her?” she soothes him.

“I don’t even know...”

“She lives on campus?” she asks.

“I don’t- I don’t know, Dan. I spent months with her and I can’t even vaguely say where she lives! How fucked up is that?” Kevin yells.

“It’s not even remotely fucked up, Kevin. You should know that. Does she have instagram? twitter? Or like, facebook?” she questions some more.

“God, I don’t know. She only sends me stupid fucking videos and I never even respond like the goddamn asshole I am...”

“Shut up. We’re all assholes at the end of the road, ‘kay? You ain’t better or worse than others. Now she sends them to you in text or somewhere else?”

“Sometimes texts... Sometimes the yellow app, the chat one. Why.”

“Oh great, that’s great. We can locate her, with snapchat, if she forgot to turn off the sharing. And if you’re comfortable with that, too. I know you’re not a creep like that. You’re creepy sometimes, don’t get me wrong. But, not a creep.”

“Gee, thanks, Dan.”

“Hey, shush. You down or what?” she says, arching an eyebrow.

“Okay,” he answers, unable to make the fear go away without knowing for sure.

And so it turns out Juliet’s location is, in fact, knowable. Dan grabs one of Kevin’s shoulders as he leaves the court, squeezing her affection into her grip; he nods emotionally in her direction, as far as emotions can translate unto his face.

he doesn’t even know what he’ll do once he finds her, his brain is solely focused on the animated map that brings him closer and closer to Juliet

the more he progresses, the more he realizes he is far from Fox Tower, on a campus area he has never even seen

he stops before a decrepit building, old and moldy-looking

Jackie Kennedy Hall

student dorms? this shabby? she can’t possibly live-

except that she can, because there isn’t another building close and the map has brought him here, and he doesn’t really know her...

so Kevin straightens his shoulders, inhales deeply, and goes inside

he could go on and on and on about everything that is just wrong with the place, from the smell to the decoration, but he makes a beeline for the front desk (he’s lucky there’s even one)

he asks for a way to contact someone, flashes his press smile at the women behind the desk, gives up his ID in exchange for the room number

Juliet Grier, 418

stairs, stairs, stairs, stairs

heavy door, right, 412, 414, 416...

418

what, now?

Kevin hesitantly knocks once, twice

no answer

he knocks again and decides to speak up, in case she didn’t hear

“Juliet? It’s Kevin. Day. From EAL? Can I speak with you?”

still nothing

maybe she isn’t home... no, the map says she’s here. maybe she’s sleeping...

he decides to try one last time

“We really should finish that project, you know? I think we could both use the free time...” he says without his heart into it.

without surprise, no response still

he decides to take a loose paper from his sachel and writes down some words

Greetings Hi,

My friend Dan helped me look for you, but you don’t have to worry about your privacy; it’s because of the yellow app. You should turn that off if you don’t want other people to be nosy. 

You weren’t in class today. I’ll share my notes if you want them. But, you should come to class, it’s better. For learning. 

I’ll wait a few in case you’re asleep. 

Text me or call me or whatever when you’re ready.

- Kevin D. (your partner from EAL)

quick, efficient, to the point

Kevin slips the paper under the door, and waits

he refreshes the map too many times, to see if her location changed or if somehow there was a glitch

it stays put

he ends up sitting on the hallway floor, his back sliding down the wall

he catches up on a book for another class, checks exy stats and watches many, many videos of Jeremy Knox on the court and in interview

some students pass him with a nasty look, eyeing the lack of earphones on his phone

some other students walk by him and will themselves to keep going, because holy shit it’s Kevin Day in Jackie Hall

it’s at least an hour and a half before the doorknob slowly and quietly starts to click

Kevin was absorbed deep into whatever move Knox was making before scoring

the 418 door opens

Kevin gets up in one move, all things Jeremy Knox and exy forgotten

she’s loosely holding Kevin’s paper in one hand, the other clutching a large scarf that covers up the majority of her body

from what he can see, though, she’s wearing sweats from head to toe; her hair’s tied on the top of her head, but most of the curls escaped and it looks unwashed and her curls, dry

her skin’s turned pale, dark circles under her eyes, a haggard look in them, her cheeks stained with dry tears

Juliet looks terrible

“Hi...” Kevin attempts

she finally looks up from the paper and gives him a bored look that could rival Andrew’s

with a rough voice strained from cries and many days without speaking, she asks, “My EAL partner?”

“Well, yes. In case.”

“In case of what.”

“I-”

“I know who you are, Kevin.”

and isn’t that both his most ardent wish and his worse fear?

with that, she turns around and goes back to her dark room, leaving the door open behind her

is that... an invitation?

Kevin’s never been to another person’s place, apart from the Columbia house, Abby’s and Wymack’s

he reminds himself why he came in the first place and decides it would be a waste to leave now, right?

the small studio is a mess, much like its occupant

there are clothes everywhere, on the floor, on a chair, on the bed, on the desk

all the curtains are drawn, no light is on, the only source coming from Juliet’s laptop somewhere amongst her bedsheets

it’s like she made herself a nest and hasn’t moved from there for a long time

maybe even since last Monday, the last time he saw her

Kevin doesn’t understand the scene he has before his eyes

he’s never seen such apathy in someone that is not Andrew

and at this point, apathy is pretty much Andrew’s default state of being

not Juliet’s

Juliet is a soft glow, toothy grins, wild curls, countless jumpers, dumb jokes and references, color-coded notes, an organized mind, unwavering focus and determination, flowing words and warm, kind eyes...

so what is this?

then Kevin realizes he spoke aloud

and Juliet can only chuckle sadly, almost mockingly

“This? This is why I don’t have friends. This is why I don’t mix with people. This is why I’ll never amount to anything in life. This is my dirty laundry, both metaphorically and literally. This is it. That’s... That’s it. This is what I get,” she answers flatly

Kevin’s mind is spinning

he doesn’t understand

he needs to understand, though

“Explain it to me,” he says

Juliet looks at him like a brick just hit him on the head and made him speak Swedish

“Why.”

“Because, surely there’s a way to work with it.”

she laughs

it doesn’t reach her eyes, nor her lips or her cheeks

it’s just a desperate sound

it makes him think of Andrew again

and that gives him an idea, a gut feeling, if you will

“Can I try something out?” he asks

“Kevin... I can’t- I’m tired... It’s not a good idea... I’m tired, Kevin,” Juliet responds, pain noticeable in her voice and her movements slow

“I know, I- I know. Someone I know... He plays this game. It’s really not a game, it’s more like a communication thing. He calls it “A Truth for a Truth”.  In exchange for something I tell you, you tell me something. And in exchange for something you tell me, I’ll tell you something else. It’s made me... work through some things... before,” Kevin explains calmly

Juliet keeps on observing him from her bed, silent

“Look, can I just stay here to do homework? I have nowhere to go right now,” Kevin asks, almost blurting out “Please” before Andrew’s ghost caught it in his throat

she lies back down, burries herself in her covers, a silent “yes”

Kevin ends up falling asleep sitting on the floor, books open, head resting at the end of Juliet’s bed

he wakes up around 2 AM

he’s got multiple texts from Aaron and Nicky, one from Andrew, and one from Dan

“told everybody you spent the night at Coach’s. take care.”

he silently vows to thank her later

now he either really goes to Wymack’s to finish his night there, or... he stays exactly where he is

Juliet is still sleeping soundly

in a haze, he palms for a pillow or cushion, pulls his hoodie on and lies back down on the carpeted floor

he’s only awaken in the late morning when he brutally gets stepped on

“What the shit?? Kevin! How...???” Juliet yells

“Um, ow? No, no, don’t apologize so quickly. You just, you know, crushed my lungs and a couple of ribs, no worries, Jules!” Kevin groans

“Ju- you know what? I’m not sorry. Right now I gotta pee, so you better have a damn good explanation when I get back,” she replies and leaves her room to go to the bathroom at the end of the hall

instead of dread, Kevin feels calm about the upcoming conversation

he doesn’t prepare lies, doesn’t run away, doesn’t resort to assholery

he just stays put where he is on the floor, snuggles deeper into his hoodie, and waits for relief, for the truth

he waits for Juliet

[zombiebarbee]

The Sunday Times article

DEMON DAZE

After almost 30 years, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s comic fantasy Good Omens has made it to the screen – and in lavish fashion. Benji Wilson discovers how Pratchett’s dying wish came true

Heaven, as it turns out, is in an industrial park in Weybridge. The old Samsung building, with floor-to-ceiling windows and lighting so bright you have to squint, is the celestial set for Good Omens, the BBC and Amazon’s TV adaptation of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s beloved fantasy novel. The floor, in particular, is attracting attention from Jon Hamm, who plays the angel Gabriel.

“Did we put this floor in?” he asks, wearing a power suit and looking more Wall Street CEO than heavenly host. When he looks down, he sees his own face reflected. “I mean, who orders up a silver floor? Of all the choices.” Then an angel rides by on a hoverboard. “This,” Hamm says, “is insane.”

Much of Good Omens could be described that way. Were he alive, Terry Pratchett would probably delight in the description. It tells the story of an angel, Aziraphale, and a demon, Crowley, played by Michael Sheen and David Tennant respectively. They have been on Earth since the Garden of Eden, working for their opposing teams in heaven and hell, one lighting fires, the other putting them out. Over the centuries, they have become friends.

We first meet them as the Antichrist is being delivered to Earth – indeed, one of Crowley’s missions is to deliver the Antichrist to the maternity ward. But they both realise this means the end of humanity as we know it, and, as Tennant puts it, “Crowley and Aziraphale have quite a nice time on earth. They quite enjoy the dinners and the wine and the lifestyle.”

So they get together to decide they’re going to try to avert the apocalypse. “But it’s a comedy,” Sheen says. “It’s in the vein of Douglas Adams and Monty Python. When Neil sent me the first draft of the script, it reminded me of Whoops Apocalypse [Andrew Marshall and David Renwick’s 1982 ITV comedy set in the weeks leading up to the end of the world.] I remember watching that when I was a kid and finding it funny but also quite scary. It’s hard to know what my 14-year—old self would think of Good Omens, but I imagine it might be similar.”

This kind of tonal mash-up intermingling humanity’s most momentous concerns with the quotidian minutiae of “where did I leave my keys?”, is notoriously hard to pull off. For a start, there’s the scope of it: Good Omens has been in production since mid-2017 and has had to recreate not merely heaven and hell, but all of Christian history in between. The beginning of episode three features a sequence catching up with Aziraphale and Crowley at the Garden of Eden, Noah’s Ark, the crucifixion, ancient Rome, Shakespeare’s Globe, the crucible of the French Revolution and on, via the world wards, to the present. We see their relationship developing down the aeons. It’s all been done in less than 20 minutes.

“It’s basically a collection of single scenes,” Tennant says when I speak to him in a church in an Oxfordshire village. (He’s about to go outside and take delivery of the Antichrist.) “But for one of those scenes we got Shakespeare’s Globe for a day. For another, we transformed St James’s Park into Edwardian England for a day. For one scene. It’s fantastic to be able to work on something that has those sort of resources. You wouldn’t really be able to tell this story otherwise.”

Resources means Amazon’s money. That, and the allure of Gaiman’s writing, has drawn in a supporting cast including Frances McDormand as the voice of God, alongside Hamm, Jack Whitehall, Michael McKeen and Miranda Richardson. With a Game of Thrones-shaped hole to be filled, Good Omens is supposed to be a very big deal indeed.

Yet Gaiman, who co-wrote the original novel, adapted it for the screen and is the showrunner, would happily not have made it at all. “I didn’t really plan to give 18 months of my life to making a TV show. I’d much rather be writing novels. I would be making a lot more money writing novels. Nobody would be telling me what to do and my wife wouldn’t be complaining about not seeing me. But on the other hand, this,” he says, pointing at the shiny floor and Hamm running through lines as Gabriel, “was what Terry wanted to happen. And he’s not here.”

Good Omens was published in 1990. There followed almost 20 years of fruitless attempts to turn it into a film. Terry Gilliam received a prepublication copy of the book asking for a cover blurb. He misplaced the letter that came with it and thought he was being sent a story that might work for his next film. He loved it, but, as so often with Gilliam’s grand visions, Hollywood got in the way.

“Terry [Pratchett] and I decided that we wanted it to be television six years ago,” Gaiman says. “We went went looking for a writer – both of us were too busy – but basically we couldn’t find one.”

Pratchett died in March 2015. As he was overtaken by Alzheimer’s in his final years, he wrote Gaiman a letter – something he had never done before. “He said, ‘You’re the only other person out there with the same love and understanding and passion for this that I have. I know how busy you are, but I want to see this before the darkness takes me. Will you do this, please?’ In 35 years, he’d never asked me anything before. So I said yes. And then he died. So suddenly I was dealing with a last request. And I’m honouring it.”

Gaiman and Sheen have been friends since the actor mentioned in an interview about a decade ago that Gaiman was one of his favourite writers, across novels and comic books. Gaiman happened to read this, and sent Sheen a selection of special editions with a card saying “From one fan to another.” Since then, Sheen has appeared in Gaiman’s episode of Doctor Who, and now stars in Good Omens. Part of their friendship is based on a shared love of science fiction – Sheen only mentioned Gaiman in that interview in order to make a point about genre snobs. Many of his favourite writers, he said, worked in fantasy and SF.

Sheen says the snobbery still pertains - “If you’re of a mindset that anything written in a science-fiction context just can’t be great literature, then I don’t think anything is going to change your mind” - adding that there’s a similar prejudice against comedy as high art.

“Comedy films are always seen as impossible to be great films. They’re rarely winning Oscars. Good Omens ticks both boxes, comedy and fantasy – and I like that. When I was growing up, two of the biggest influences on me in terms of how I see art were The South Bank Show on TV and Kenneth Tynan, especially his profiles. Neither of them made a distinction between high and low art. One week is was Shostakovich , the next Billy Connolly. Tynan would profile Brecht, then Morecambe and Wise. I loved that.”

Just because Good Omens is funny, he goes on, doesn’t mean that it’s glib. “I was looking at a scene today when one of the angels says it’s been written that the end of the world begins with unrest in the Middle East, and the Antichrist is being taken to the Pains of Megiddo. I’ve seen that being written in newspaper articles – Isis are trying to engineer a situation where this battle takes place in a certain location because that’s ‘what was written’. People actually think that Trump is the coming of the Christ. Or the Antichrist. People are actually talking about this in fairly mainstream circles.

“That gives Good Omens a difficult context to when the book came out. You’ve got these two main characters who are very much in their own echo chambers – or should be. Yet the action of the piece requires them to break out of those bubbles.”

Tennant goes further. “We started making this in 2017. We knew it wouldn’t come out until 2019, and did wonder whether the apocalypse might have hastened towards us by then. It does give an added piquancy that the world might not be as stable as we thought it was a couple of years ago. By the time this article is printed, who knows where we’ll be?”

Good Omens is on Amazon Prime Video from May 31 and will air on BBC2 at the end of the year.

[seasonsandcenturies]

I have Feelings about the new Good Omens

and almost all of them are about What Is Up with all the demons looking Like That so can we please talk about it

In Good Omens, angels look like people. Human people, that is. They have the right number of arms and legs, and they wear clothes that would more or less blend into a crowd.[1] The angels seem to skew androgynous - Michael is a woman, probably, as is Uriel, but there’s a little bit of room for doubt. The higher-ups seem to be trying their best to appear relatable (Sandalphon’s not exactly stereotypically glamorous, despite being very well dressed and blinged out; Gabriel conspicuously engages in the Extremely Normal human activity of jogging in a park) but even so, there’s just something about them that comes across as unnervingly otherworldly.

Demons, on the other hand, aren't even close to anything that could blend in with a crowd of humans, although they seem to share the angels’ predilection for androgyny. They are physical embodiments of decay and sickness and filth, designed to disgust and horrify, who can possess human bodies (says Aziraphale, who goes on to prove that angels are just as capable of it). The most powerful demons (Beelzebub, Lord of Hell; Hastur, Duke of Hell, and Ligur, presumably same) all have an animal/insect theme to their appearance.[2] Ligur's chameleon changes colors with his mood. Beelzebub not only wears a giant fly as a hat but is actually surrounded by flies. Hastur has a frog and vaguely frog-like eyes; on Earth, his hair seems to hide the frog, but when he isn’t trying to pass for human it’s clearly visible. Even Dagon has a suspiciously furry collar and very sharp teeth.

There are a few different interviews with the series’ hair and makeup artist and costume designer about how they came up with the costumes, but this article specifically states (emphasis added) that ‘Hastur, Ligur, and the other Dukes of Hell wear what they died in.’ Frankly, that’s a baffling concept, because why would a human become a demon? Throughout the series, humans are repeatedly referred to as being distinctly separate from either angels or demons. It’s heavily implied that the demons are angels who Fell a long time ago, as Dagon reminds them that while they may have lost the so-called Glorious Revolution, they are now (supposedly) “tougher, smarter, more dangerous!” - meaning they aren’t anything new, they’re just improved.

So why do the demons look the way they do?

I’m pretty sure @neil-gaiman was joking.

But. It could work.

When they Fell, maybe the demons lost their angelic forms, wings and all, and ended up stuck as animals, although they didn’t lose their abilities. Over time, they found out that going around on Earth looking like an animal wasn’t exactly the fastest or easiest way to get anything done. They needed human bodies so they could fit in, even though the ones they got never looked quite right. They leaked, a little, or they smelled. Sometimes they were already dead. But they did the job.

... I mean, just think about it. If a demon’s true form is animal-shaped, it’d explain a few things, including that strange quote about wearing the clothes they died in -- for example, Crowley telling Hastur he’d have liked the 14th century wouldn’t mean Hastur had missed it because he didn’t exist at the time, but simply that he hadn’t been paying much attention to what was going on topside. (Besides, Hastur probably didn’t acquire his current human body until the early 20th century, if his clothes are anything to go by.)

But what about Crowley? Obviously he’s got the whole animal motif thing going for him just like the others, he’s a snake. But he’s different. He’s the only demon who can unquestionably pass for ‘human’, being not only pustule-free but not actually very snake-like at all, excepting the tattoo on his face, his eyes, and a suspiciously sibilant manner of speech. He’s the only demon we see taking any kind of ‘angelic’ form, looking a little bit ragged at the Garden of Eden (an apparently intentional nod to the fact that he Fell fairly recently) and later unfurling his wings when talking to Adam. And he’s also the only demon we see actually shifting to and from an animal form.[3]

As God points out, Crowley has something the other demons don’t: an imagination. Which could mean he never had to resign himself to being worn like a hat and possessing some body to get around because he actually had enough imagination to transform himself.[4]

But even Crowley’s imagination has its limits. After all, he imagined his Bentley was a perfectly functional car that he would definitely not burn to death in, but that didn’t change the reality of the situation, which was that his car was on fire. This wasn’t like doing a miracle. So while he may have been perfectly capable of imagining himself looking the way he was last, ruffled feathers and all, he couldn’t completely change everything. He was a snake, now, so his eyes stayed mostly the same, and there was that little tattoo on his face that he couldn’t exactly hide but could at least play down. Even so, it didn’t turn out too badly, for a first attempt.

[1] The rest of Heaven isn’t exactly fashion forward. Aziraphale, when discorporated, inexplicably ends up in a tuxedo. Meanwhile, the army of angels preparing for battle, even more inexplicably, look like they’ve come off the set of Wee Willie Winkie.

[2] The only other demon who seems to eschew an animal form is Satan, possibly. One could argue the horns are symbolic of something, but I’d rather not.

[3] Hastur’s escape from Crowley’s ansaphone doesn’t count. He wriggles through the call center phone line with flesh-eating maggots and kills everyone in the room. That’s not the same thing as shifting himself into another form, that’s just-- I don’t know, gross and unnecessary. 

[4] I should probably mention that this theory only applies to the TV adaptation, as the book already has a perfectly reasonable reptile/insect/other animal-headgear-free explanation about the Effort involved in appearing human. I think. It’s been a while.