merrill dragon age isn't The Character in terms of being the guy with the juiciest backstory details or protagonist material but she is The Person. The Heart. she was working on one of the most important researches of elven history and no one believed in her. not her keeper, her teacher and mother figure. nor her clan, the only family she's ever had. nor hawke's friends, the only people who were surrounding her for six years. the only person who can actually place their faith in her is hawke but if they don't she won't mind. she is used to it, being on her own. and, despite everything, she believes in people. she knows it matters. better than anyone.
she has never heard a nice word from fenris, but she still tries to cheer him up from time to time. she has never heard a nice word from anders either and she still feels for him. varric annoys her when he tries to distract her from the eluvian, but she appreciates it because she knows he means well. aveline refers to her work as senseless and potentially dangerous for the city, but she is still happy for her when she falls in love.
if hawke sides with mages in the last straw merrill is the first to support them. "I believe in you, hawke", she says, when everyone else is consumed by doubt. and then she's the only one who openly suggests sparing anders. so he can put things right.
she knows the feeling. when you're on your own and everyone thinks you're beyond salvation, undeserving of compassion or understanding. and this is the best she can offer for people she cares about: her unconditional faith, her sympathy, a second chance. the things she was desparately looking for and never had. she believes in people because she knows: there's no one else to believe in them
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On Daenerys, Colonisation and Race Discourse within the ASOIAF Fandom
This has been on my mind for a good long while and honestly, as much as I would like to leave discourse in the pits, it has been bugging me intermittently over the past few weeks.
Far too many of you get on here and call people who like the fictional dragon-riding family, neo-Nazis and that sentiment is so prevalent, that white people feel comfortable telling me a black woman that I am a neo-Nazi for rooting for Daenerys Targaryen. I am upholding neo-Nazi power fantasies for wanting to see a little girl live at the end of a story. I am a neo-Nazi for wanting to see the rape survivor have the family she aches for and children with the man (or men) she loves.
Then, those same people go on spiels about how the systemic erasure of those who sing the song of the earth and other old races is not colonialism. That their removal from their home is not displacement but an agreement between two equal parties. The fact that the only place where those who sing the song of the earth exist in the present timeline is north of the wall, surrounded by the bones of their dead, is not a travesty. That the expulsion of the old races from their home isn't that bad and should not be condemned.
Instead, people argue, completely seriously, that the harm that the First Men and Andals have caused is centuries in the past, so essentially the slate has been wiped clean. The logical leaps that are required to arrive at such a boneheaded conclusion are truly mind-boggling, and those who make such arguments are not good people.
I am unsure how one could read those books and come away with the impression that the old races do not mourn the loss of their home. I am unsure how one could read The Last of the Giants[1] and Ygritte’s reaction to both the song and Jon’s dismissal of the ethnic cleansing of the giants then believe that the old races and the free folk have moved past their displacement.
In Westeros, from the Wall to the broken arm of Dorne, they all speak one language despite the fact they are all different ethnicities and they all landed on the shores at different times. That is not the case in Essos, we have been introduced to at least six languages and in A Dance with Dragons, Tyrion notes that the Valyrian spoken in the Free Cities has evolved into nine distinct dialects, and they are well on their way to becoming different languages.
How would a continent as large and diverse as Westeros maintain its hegemony over the people if not for forced assimilation, discriminatory practices and violence? The brutal repression required to keep one house in power for thousands of years is nothing to sniff at. The suppression required to keep the vast majority of Westeros worshipping one (or seven) gods. The systems in place ensure that language does not grow or evolve amongst the highborns at least.
Centuries before Aegon's Landing the maesters were the definitive educational authority and even now centuries after, nothing has changed. The grey rats still decide who learns what and when they learn it. There's one in every highborn home, all correspondence passes through them, they are the healers and the councillors.
The circular logic gets even more blockheaded when you factor in the fact that Daenerys is far from the only white character in the books. She is not the only character who wishes for home. She is not the only character who draws strength from her ancestors, her bloodline and her magical creatures.
Cersei draws strength from her family’s iconography, and the Stark children (Jon included) all draw strength from their direwolves, their home and their blood. Sansa, Arya and Bran wish to return home and their home was built on the indiscriminate murder and displacement of the indigenous peoples. Their home is built on centuries of rape, murder, exclusionary practices and sexual slavery.
However, if we give the nonsensical argument that time erases crimes air; the Starks, Lannisters and Tullys are warring to settle personal grievances in the present timeline. As a consequence of that war, thousands (a modest guesstimate) of small folk, minor nobles and even some major ones have been raped, tortured, maimed and killed.
Despite all this, no one writes meta after meta about how Sansa and her siblings must surely die for justice to be had for those who sing the song of the earth, the free folk, the giants and all the old races that fled beyond the wall.
People write meta about Cersei and how she must die, but those are typically more misogynistic nature. They typically argue that she must die not for the “crime” of being Lannister, but for the “crime” of being Cersei and “ruining” Jamie.
I would not mind criticisms of Dany and her peace-focused approach to ending slavery because the approach is naïve and she gives the slavers far too much ground. However, she is learning, growing and self-critiquing. At the end of A Dance with Dragons, she has decided to embrace fire and blood, her knight is breaking the false peace which is a necessary step forward.
What I find offensive is people saying that she should have planned better before she abolished slavery. And that the death, violence, and sickness that arises from her quest to eradicate slavery is somehow worse than the death, violence, and sickness that already existed in Slaver’s Bay.
This argument often downplays the horrific conditions and suffering that exist(ed) under the slave system in Slaver's Bay. Such arguments are often in poor taste and prioritise the lives and comforts of the slavers more than the people they have enslaved.
I would not mind criticisms of Dany if people applied that same critique even-handedly. The same people who believe that Jon and Bran have done much to rectify the evil that their ancestors perpetuated believe that Dany has not done anything to right the wrongs of her ethnic kin. They praise them for the non-existent steps that they have taken, but in the same breath, they condemn Dany for not being able to immediately end the plague that is slavery.
It is perfectly alright to not like fictional characters, no law requires you to like certain fictional characters over others. However, what is not right is making broad accusations about those who do, it is beyond the pale. It is disgusting, and annoying, and trivialises real-world issues to score cheap points against fictional characters.
Equating the survival of a teenage survivor to the restoration of a fascist house or neo-Nazi power fantasy when such designations do not exist in the world of ice and fire is strange behaviour. Saying that the teenage survivor will eventually be manipulated and raped (again) before ending up dead on her manipulator's blade is also strange behaviour.
Dismissing the horrors of colonialism, especially when the text shows you that the involved parties are still affected by it, is not normal and often veers into real-world imperialism apologia. While criticism and analysis of characters and their actions are valid and even encouraged, it is essential that we do not resort to sweeping generalisations about other people and that we keep criticisms of characters grounded in the text.
[1]
Ooooooh, I am the last of the giants, my people are gone from the earth.
The last of the great mountain giants, who ruled all the world at my birth
Oh, the smallfolk have stolen my forests, they’ve stolen my rivers and hills.
And they’ve built a great wall through my valleys, and fished all the fish from my rills
In stone halls they burn their great fires, in stone halls they forge their sharp spears.
Whilst I walk alone in the mountains, with no true companion but tears.
They hunt me with dogs in the daylight, they hunt me with torches by night.
For these men who are small can never stand tall, whilst giants still walk in the light.
Oooooooh, I am the LAST of the giants, so learn well the words of my song.
For when I am gone the singing will fade, and the silence shall last long and long.
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Ok, So I adore your KenBig art even though I have absolutely zero idea of what the fandom is about haha, would love to hear more about them because I can tell you're so passionate.
Thank you so much!
I am !! Very Passionate about them yes adhjfkshjks let me try to break them down for you without making it a 3 hour TED talk lmao (no promises)
So they're two minor side characters from the Thai bl series KinnPorsche, also known as The Gay Mafia Show. At the beginning of the series Big is the head bodyguard for Kinn, who he is secretly (and quite hopelessly) in love with and who is the heir to the family's mafia empire. He is Loyal with a capital L, fiercely protective of Kinn, a little (a lot) pathetic in his devotion and quite frankly a bit of a dick. Ken is just Ken his best friend, also a bodyguard for the Main Family and also a bit of a dick. He's from Australia originally and brings us delightful iconic phrases like "nice one, loser" and "are you fucking dumb, bro". Also, pineapple boxer briefs. You mostly see the two of them together and when they show up it's usually to be a bitch and/or to bully Porsche, who is the other main character and love interest for Kinn (hence the name of the show).
They're terrible people is what I'm saying. But then again so is almost everyone else on the show lmao it's the mafia ok!!
It's never explicitly stated in the show but we see other bodyguards room together (namely Porsche and Pete) so the widely accepted headcanon is that Ken and Big are roommates (oh my god they were roommates etc etc) and just because I live for this kind of thing I have convinced myself (and others, apparently! through the power of art) that while Big is hopelessly in love with Kinn (canon), Ken is hopelessly in love with Big (canon in my heart). It's about the pining and the tragedy and a secret third thing (jealousy) for me
Well. I don't want to spoil too much in case you're ever planning on watching it but it's kind of important for them, so ... towards the end of the show Big ends up sacrificing himself for Porsche (or rather, for Kinn's happiness) and dies not knowing that Ken is the mole they've been searching for and is actually working for the Minor Family (so, for Kinn's cousin and uncle who are the main villains in the series). But Ken is killed as well, at roughly the same time just at a different place and at the hand of his actual employer Gun, so they both end up dead.
Which, you know, I personally think is unacceptable because I love them and don't want it to end there, so most (but not all) of my art is set in an AU that I brainstormed with my partner @pharawee in which they both survive and then have to deal with the consequences of their actions (which is absolutely delicious to me because man!! You have Big who is so desperately loyal but has been kind of struggling to find his place now that Porsche is there, and Ken who betrayed everything Big held dear but !! Is also his best friend!!! But is he really? Has he ever really been his friend at all?? And if Ken is a traitor what does that make him who has been sharing everything with him?? Bonus points since Ken is in love with him and never wanted to betray Big personally. So much potential for angst I am telling you, it's a feast), and then eventually they find comfort in each other and carve out their own path. If you're interested you can read the beginning on ao3.
In other headcanons there's been a Thing going on between them all along and sometimes they still die. Or they don't but everything is still fucked up. Either way it's all good and I'm here for all of it hehe
So this is shaping up to turn into that 3 hour TED talk after all which is why I'll stop here, but if you have literally any other questions or are interested in hearing more I would be prepared to go on for hours lmao sorry (but not really).
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yakou furio's character is so tragic to me. i wanna meme about how they used the fridged wife trope but other than that it's like. he lost his family and later all of his coworkers and just. existed alone for years.
looking at the state the submarine and especially his bedroom was in, with everything being a mess and all the cigarette butts in his bed, yakou was clearly depressed. he wouldn't even take on any interesting cases to fulfill his passion as a detective because he was so afraid of the peacekeepers. instead he just kept his head down. surviving but not actually living.
and then he finally gets some new detectives to work at his agency and the first thing he can do is fail to save most of them from dying horribly. but the five that yakou did manage to save latch onto him and he starts getting into a leader role! even if his new coworkers are all rowdy and get into trouble they still respect him as a leader and look up to him.
the detectives keep picking fights with the peacekeepers that yakou has been trying so hard to dodge. and usually the resolution is kind of messed up because the victims die but the detectives prove themselves capable of handling the peacekeepers! they're helping people! for the first time in a while, yakou comes toe to toe with peacekeepers willingly, to help his new friends. he realizes that he is able to stand up against amaterasu corp, with the help of the others.
but by the time he realizes this, the stage has already been set. the letter from yomi turned his grief into anger and a thirst for vengeance. although yomi gave him the information and opportunity, yakou was ultimately the one who chose to murder the man who murdered his wife.
yakou has already rebuilt his life after his wife's death. the detectives at his agency look up to him and he would do anything for them. it would never be the same as the life he had with his wife but yakou had the chance to turn over a new leaf with a new found family who cares about him.
but instead, yakou plans a murder. he needs to die, over and over, in order to access the man he wants to kill and he accepts it. he needs to trick two kids, who look up to him and who he cares for, into becoming his accomplices to the murder and he accepts it. in the wake of forcing his detectives to witness his murder, he needs leave them in a lab filled with peacekeepers who want to kill them and he accepts it.
and it's not that he doesn't care about his detectives. yuma and halara disobeyed his orders and assaulted several peacekeepers, and he was willing to be arrested himself before throwing his employees under the bus. yuma and fubuki were implicated in terrorism and yakou and the others solve the case for them, then prepare to fight an army of peacekeepers to protect yuma.
for his murder plan, yakou only needs desuhiko and fubuki's powers. but he brings halara and vivia along as well because they would be able to protect the two younger detectives and fight their way out of the lab after yakou dies. he enacts his plan on a day that yuma wasn't around because he won't be able to help fight peacekeepers, so it's better to just keep him out of this mess. he covers up his murder-suicide to protect his detective's feelings, but also because they would be implicated as his accomplices if his plan was revealed.
and yakou probably expected that the other detectives would be fine. if they'd left him behind to die, the other detectives probably would have been able to either fight their way out or hide out in the lab a bit longer and figured out a good plan to escape. if yakou had his way, he would have gotten his revenge and his detectives would have gone home grief-stricken, but unharmed and forever unaware of their roles in his death.
but yakou doesn't account for the fact that the other detectives would try to save his life. yuma doesn't run after the hitman and escape the peacekeepers, he stays behind to beg yomi to help yakou. fubuki uses up all her energy to rewind time to try to prevent yakou's death instead of helping the others escape the lab. halara, vivia, and desuhiko not only have to fight off peacekeepers, but they also have to carry yakou to a hiding spot to give first aid. and instead of calmly planning their next move, everyone is desperate to solve the case so there would be any chance of getting yakou to a hospital as quickly as possible.
one major theme of rain code is that despite tragedies that may have happened in the past, people can work together with those they care about to live a better life in the future. and yakou could have had that. his wife's death should have stayed in the past, and he should have continued to mentor the other detectives, solving mysteries together and enjoying each other's companies.
but yakou couldn't let the past stay in the past. he had every chance to not go through with his murder. he has new people he loves, but he manipulates them and puts them in danger in order to get back at the person who killed the last person he loved. his victory was a pyrrhic one. he got his revenge but in return, he destroyed himself and his detectives' trust in him. he enjoyed his revenge momentarily before dying and leaving his new family, who he used their love and trust for him to his advantage, to pick up the pieces.
yakou furio had lost everything in the past. but in trying to pursue it he destroyed everything he had in the present. that's the tragedy of his character to me.
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extreme sensitivity and difficulty adapting to change is one of the most challenging parts of being autistic (to me, i am only speaking my for myself here, every single autistic person is different). small changes, even positive changes are liable to cause a meltdown. the world is such a scary place when you know that things changing, as all things do, could send you into a spiral. and it’s so difficult to explain to allistics why we’re reacting the way that we do, especially when you know it seems like an overreaction... but this is how i describe it:
you know that feeling when you got a haircut that you hated and were doing everything you could to hold back the tears? that “oh no oh no oh no” moment when you look in the mirror and realize you hate how it looks, and now there’s a sob bubbling up in your throat and you’re trying so hard to choke it back down so that you don’t cry in public but the more you look the harder it feels to bottle it all in?
i feel and often react that way to everyday situations and changes. i cut my nails a little bit shorter than I’m used to? meltdown. or we got a new toaster to replace the old one? meltdown. or my phone updated and everything is different? meltdown and now i can’t stop crying! (these are all real examples of real things from my real life that caused me to have real meltdowns btw.) and in the midst of my stress i can’t help but berate myself for losing it over something like that, and of course shame and self-loathing only exacerbate the meltdown.
i am constantly trying to work through my internalized ableism about this. I spent years being called dramatic and immature, confused about why i was unable to grapple with things my peers found entirely inconsequential. i wish that i didn’t feel guilty or embarrassed about the way that i naturally react to stressful situations (especially situations that are probably not nearly all that stressful to allistics) because I know that if I could hate myself into becoming someone I liked better, it would have worked by now.
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