#they’ll never get old
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I haven’t watched it in a while but Zuko and Toph actually should’ve had the life-changing field trip because I really needed her to find out that his biggest problem is a father that demanded his children be the best benders around and kind of envy that, and then I needed him to find out that her biggest problem is parents that believed her to be helpless and wanted to love and protect her anyway and just totally flip out.
#I always felt bad for them. If I found out that my 12-year-old (blind or not) was living a dangerous double life I would also lose my mind#We didn’t really get to see them at their best#They kind of had the “okay you’re grounded FOREVER” moment that a lot of parents would have under those circumstances#and then she hit the road before the knowledge could sink in#I mean I’m sure she had reason to think that they’d still be overprotective if they knew how self-sufficient she was#but that theory was never actually tested#It doesn’t bug me the show’s about dumb kids acting like dumb kids so of course she takes it for granted they’ll never get her and runs off#with people who do#but then you have a whole adult audience watching it and acting like they’re as bad as Ozai pardon me what#Anyway. Missed opportunity! HUGE
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how my parents feel after always reminding me how much better my older brother is than me
#seriously i remember when my mom flat out said ‘he’s smarter than you’#like i know that already lol?#they won’t shut up about him#had a good old break down last night realizing that i’m never gonna be my parents pride and jou the same way he is#they seriously brag about him wherever he goes#‘oh he’s in an ivy!!111!!”#and then i’m just in the damn background because my younger brother is a freshman in HS and he’s having it rough#so my own issues are resolved by ‘get over it’ or ‘oh well you’re motivated at least’#i’m not fucking motivated i just want to prove i’m just as good#or even a fraction as good#i’ll never be enough though#the mere fact my mom was considering canceling going to see the outsiders w/me because my brother has off that weekend and she’d rather go#see him kinda shows that#keep in mind we’re seeing him in two weeks and we’re going up literally the next weekend to see him#and they keep talking scour how they can’t wait until i’m in college#i can’t say anything to them though because they’ll get mad and tell me i’m being overdramatic#it feels like they want to get rid of me or smth#it hurts#a lot#i feel like i don’t have anyone because i can’t complain to my parents because i’m overshadowed by both my brothers#and i don’t know how to communicate my feelings without being a burden or sharing too much#i just feel lost#vent#sibling rivalry
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You know who Tommy reminds me of that it was bothering me sm that I couldn’t place it but then I remembered this scene?
Rick from Casablanca
Like Tommy says this to chimney verbatim in that one scene
He calls buck (his love interest) “kid” just like Rick does to Ilsa (his love interest)
Even personality wise something about it fits like the cool guy exterior, the struggle to be good,the sort of air of unphased energy if you get what I mean, etc
Anyways that got me thinking and if the bucktommy break up is something bittersweet like Rick and Ilsa then I would love it:
HE EVEN DOES THE MOTHERFUCKING CHIN GRAB^^^^
Like imagine this if buddie does go canon instead of Rick letting Ilsa go for the greater good of the world/politics
#my old movie obsessed ass back at it again just when you thought my reign of terror with the it’s a wonderful life references was over#911 abc#eddie diaz#911 fox#evan buck buckley#911onfox#I mention bucktommmy so do I tag that? I’m not sure someone advise 😭😭#buddie#911#tommy kinard#evan buckley#also just realised some people may not know the context of Casablanca or it’s famous break up scene#so ilsla is married to victor who’s a political fugitive fighting nazis but she thought he was dead at one point so she gets with Rick#she finds out victor is alive and leaves Rick#she never told Rick any of this#she shows up with victor in ricks bar victor needs to escape cos Nazi shit#that breakup scene is Rick telling her to go to victor because she’ll regret it if she doesn’t and that they’ll always have Paris (aka the#time they had together)#911 spec#911 speculation#except it’s crack and I’m pretty sure exams are rotting my brain and I’m speaking nonsense#god I love Casablanca
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debating on whether or not to write another grieving mpreg!sam fic where he finds out he’s pregnant the day after deans death
#its been like 3 years and yet here i am.#i genuinely feel like i am at my best when i’m writing grieving tormented sad sam#also thinking abt whether i want it to be a/b/o or not#i’ve never actually dabbled into writing it myself but i love reading it. so many interesting dynamics#like. what if omega!sam finally went off his heat suppressants because he and dean decided they finally wanted to#settle down#and so they’re ‘not trying but if it happens it happens’#and atp sam is like. 38-39 so the likelihood he actually gets pregnant isn’t very high#so they’re just like living peacefully and then dean decides he wants to go on one last hunt for old times sake#one last hunt and then they’ll both settle down for good this time. just relaxing after years of not being able to#also maybe sam has been having a lot of morning sickness that week or like. a few days before but he didn’t rlly attribute it to anything#bcuz he just assumed he wouldn’t actually get pregnant.#and then they go on the hunt. and dean dies. and sam takes a pregnancy test either a day or like. a week after#also alternatively dean goes on the hunt alone but i like the idea of sam having to watch him go before his very eyes#man idk if i want them to be pregnant before because like. then it’d make no sense for them to go on a hunt and take that risk?????#arrrgh
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OH SHIT
#I look in my notifications and I see there’s a talk of a new Layton game?#then I go to look and yeah there’s an official teaser for it#I genuinely thought I’d never see the day#but oh?#series getting revived?#10 years after the last game?#(last game starring Layton that is)#(technically only 5 since Mystery Journey)#and this one is starring him#I wonder how this game will fit in to the timeline#or if stuff from Mystery Room onwards will be retconned#I dunno#but NEW LAYTON STUFF#for all people here for my Cookie Run stuff#when this comes out I will likely be dipping back into Layton for a while#anyways#professor layton#nintendo direct#professor layton and the new world of steam#do you think they’ll be bringing back old characters? (aside from Luke and possibly Flora/Emmy and the usuals)#or just stick to the regular cast to ease in new people?#ooh maybe with it they could release the old games on Switch too#random stuff
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middle school me 🤝 21 year old me
loving after laughter by paramore
#ESPECIALLY fake happy and hard times#they’ll never get old to me#paramore are just <3 wonderful#paramore#after laughter#fake happy#hard times#music#atlas the thinker#personal
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The Pixars would actually have a very hard time with grief. Think, they’re created with the guarantee that they’re never going to age or become ill, so they never anticipate dying. So if one of them or someone close to them died, they wouldn’t know how to process their loss and it would do severe damage to their mental health💔
#being immortal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be#someone that they’re close with dying is a more likely scenario#and it’s so sad bc like#any friends that they make outside their Pixar/disney group will still grow old#and they’ll outlive all these friends and have to watch them get old and die someday#the kids especially wouldn’t know how to handle it#children already have a difficult time with grief#but a child that never grows up and never rlly matures emotionally having to process death?#i cant imagine tbh#well technically I can I made the AU lol#pixar#the pixar au#pixar au headcanons#alternate universe#lady luxo rambles
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rotating post-game xarrai and astarion in my mind. if u even care
#cannot stop thinking about the guy who hates flowers going out of his way to keep a fresh bouquet on the table at all times.#and the guy who could not care less about sewing or embroidery always picking up pretty thread and fabrics and patterns when they see them.#it’s about the cup of coffee on the bedside table while the blood is still drying on their throat.#and the dirt and blood under their fingernails hunting game to keep him fed.#it’s about burning cazador’s palace to the ground and building their own home in its place and it’s about razing the black keep in mulmaster#idk man i hate them so bad#they’ll never live happily ever after but they’ll have a lot of fucking fun no matter what#they can’t fix the hurt they’ve felt but they can make new memories to soften the old#until it’s all wrapped in the gauzy warmth of their years together and it’s not too sharp to touch anymore#do you see my vision. it’s not about fixing one another it’s about learning to fix themselves#it’s about carving out a life that’s theirs and theirs alone. it’s about having something to be proud of.#cazador is dead and bane is out of xarrai’s head and now they get to learn what it means to live and love and be free#漫言#oc. xarrai#r. hold me like a knife
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.
#watching old adam videos about the colleen situation bc i never knew the full story#and the treatment of victims in this and other situations like it is so tiring#as a survivor who isn’t able to get justice it means so much to see her get so much backlash and to see the victims be heard#but being reminded about how conditional some ppls love and support for victims is sucks#like they want to baby you and be entertained by you#but if you talk about it too much then they’ll be annoyed#how else are people supposed to work through their trauma#like would you treat someone irl how youre treating these ppl online????#a victim is a human who deserves to tell their story how they see fit#you are not a king yelling at his court jesters to play ring around the rosie in front of you#at least respect the bravery they have telling their story in front of so many ppl#and the fact that we as survivors almost have to expect being torn apart#is sad#a grooming/sa victim is not a toy for you to micromanage or play with#you cant just throw them/the situation away bc you’re bored#i mean you technically can but remember that they dont get to do that#saying ‘i kind of believe colleen now bc you won’t stfu’ like imagine that#do you even think before you speak#📜.scrolls#🫁.vent#tw sa mention#tw grooming
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Some kooky objects I found thrifting today! they were all WAY too expensive for me to justify buying but I almost bought the clock…
#I’ve never seen a CD player shaped like that! it had a very nice feel when carrying it#i LOVE those old tvs too but one was $30 and the other was $15 and I know I wouldn’t use them much#hopefully they’ll get owners who use them :)#my posts#objectum
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truly if i explained some of the things my anxiety convinces me of, i’d be admitted
#tonight my anxiety was so high bc some creepy old man was staring at me at the gas station when i was leaving rehearsal#and like my parents weren’t in the living room when i got home which they usually are so like my anxiety was like#they’re fucking dead in their bedroom and once you open your bedroom door again you’re next#and then i went to the bathroom despite this and came back and my anxiety was like okay the killers under your bed now#like. dog can you be reasonable please#literally sitting in my bed not daring to reach for my phone charger bc of Fear#shit like this happens all the time tho like i have a recurrent fear that whenever i get in my car late at night#there’s someone either in the backseat or trunk and they’ll fucking kill me#even when i know there’s no way that’s possible#but it gets so bad i can’t properly breathe and i refuse to look in my mirror in case someone pops up#like. everytime i think oh my anxiety’s not that bad something like this happens and i’m like. never mind#liz rambles#anxiety tw
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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the thing is. yeah kendall feels like his whole life now is worth nothing. the one thing he was always meant to do, since he was seven years old he now cannot do. he will never get to do it. so he might as well die, right? he might as well end it all but the thing is life is never that kind nor generous. so i think kendall will try and fail. and he’ll try again and again but the world will keep its grip on him and eventually he’ll just stop trying. and yeah maybe he’ll never be a whole person (we’re nothing) maybe he’ll take logan’s advice and collect sports cars or write a book or start a new company but either way he’ll be forced to start anew. kendall logan roy died it’s just kendall now. and this outcome in itself is generous in a way because circumstances out of his control have kind of forced him to hold some accountability for his own life finally instead of counting on broken promises his father made him at 7 years old. he’s actually being forced to Be instead of just living up to someone else’s name. and he actually has people around him who still undoubtedly care. he’s sick and horrible and twisted but he is still ultimately lovable. he is still a human being weeping on the dirty ground even though he has spent so long trying not to be. even though he recanted the very thing that made him Real. the world will simply not relinquish its hold on him! tragic but somewhat hopeful in a way
#like he’s never going to be happy. never ever. but being content or even ambivalent to your life is different than being happy and i truly#think kendall could get there at some point. something about the world forcing you to go on. i like how his last scene was surrounded by#earth and water. things that are Materially Real compared to kendall himself who is Not Real. like i think while some things can’t be#repaired it’s not too late for him to be a little bit involved in his kids lives. maybe a few years down the line. rava still cares about#him and offers him so much kindness even when she shouldn’t. he will have stewy forever like. stewy will love him forever. give roman a few#months. ultimately i think roman will push kendall away at first bc he spent this whole season maintaining his family out of Necessity and#i think kendall and roman have got to a place where it’s a bit sick. and roman will come around but he needs some time and so does kendall.#but ultimately they’ll be okay.#with shiv it’s like. well. god. like kendall will never ever be able to look tom in the eye ever. but i think they will not talk for years#maybe. but they’ll ache for each other a little bit. but also the resent and anger and hurt gets in the way. but i think give it like. 10#years or idk maybe even less but 10 seems good to me. and they’ll slowly start to let each other in again. i think the three of them will#grow old together like ultimately they’ll always be kids when they’re with each other ykwim.#but idk i think kenshiv will be okay in the end jus rn it’s bleak asf. i think at different times in the next few years they will Try with#each other but the other will be so resistant but there will be a time where they’re just both so Tired and when tom dies shiv will call#kendall first even though they maybe haven’t spoken for god knows how long and he will be with her on the phone. and when connor passes away#they will hold hands again and idk. they’ll be okay. broken but okay.#anyway. i’m so over this <- girl who will never ever be over it#kendall
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It’s spotify wrapped season which means it’s time to grumble in the corner while everyone else has fun
#man I oughta finish that spotify wrapped for people who don’t have spotify ask game I started making last year#also no you’ll never see me hop onto the trend they’ll never take me alive#I will continue to find music on youtube and then purchase it bc I’m an old man what do you want from me get off my lawn
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the thing about me is that i will be obsessed with characters who revolve around each other and will forever and ever even if they don’t know it and who tear each other apart but also are the only reason each other exist
#sure they kill the dragon but they hatch her egg too. they’re her first meal.#sure she eats them alive but she gives them purpose. the end isn’t a place really its a thief. you go there and you can never stop again.#you just go back and go back and go back and it keeps pulling you out of the ground to lure you back to it.#you’re the story and its the finish line but it can’t be satisfied by you crossing it once.#there’s always another dragon. there’s always someone there to kill her.#to take her egg back home. to die there to feed her because they’re over they’re ending it’s done. start again.#there’s always another dragon. and there’s someone there to kill her.#you understand? its simple enough.#there’s also the cult but really that’s just bodies. endermen are just bodies. they’re pieces to be pulled apart and used to dig into old#strongholds. plucked out eyes and the people who die screaming to get them. but they don’t matter. there’s always more.#someone has to slay the dragon. someone has to get her egg.#i think its obvious that the dragon is not a good person. because its a dragon. by definition it cant be.#but its important to know that they aren’t either. that they’re not a hero on a quest to save anyone or free anything.#they just want to kill her. they don’t even know she exists until the moment they see her but they want to kill her so badly that they’ll#destroy anyone and everything to reach her and shoot her out of the sky.#you know. normal minecraft things.
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When I get out, I refuse to sabotage anything anymore. It’s fucking stressful. Instead I will go to the beach on the weekends, in my little mask and wetsuit and look for cool rocks, with a little piña colada on the shore waiting for me. I will not engage in anti-preaching because I will be too busy RELAXING and HAVING FUN to care if people join cults.
#exjw#I was on exjwconfessions blog awhile ago and was fucking APPALLED at the amount of ADULT pioneers and ELDERS#who were in positions of such high esteem and power with no parents looking over their shoulder#confessing to nothing but HAVING SEX WITH OTHER JWS??#Like excuse me? You can just… do that without feeling the slightest bit guilty that you’re contributing to indoctrination#doing absolutely nothing to stop it?#In the meantime while you privileged adults were having fun I — a fifteen year old — was giving myself POCD from sabotaging calls#by showing up to doors dressed up as someone I loathe with all my being — a fucking serial killer —#to the point where I could barely look at myself in the mirror anymore because I thought I looked like him#Like GOD DAMN man the fuck up and either start sabotaging shit or leave#your service hours — whether you lie about them or not — are supporting the cult#If you are an adult who is independent enough to have sex with people in the congregation without being scared for your safety#you need to leave#There are so many PIMOs in the organization#All the financially-stable adults with cars need to have a mass exodus#There is strength in numbers so stop giving them numbers lol#And if you’re worried about never speaking to your family again; chances are they’ll reach out to you at some point#There have been good experiences of people reuniting with their families after being shunned#and getting some of them out#Live your life; don’t stay attached to the ball and chain forever#(Oh my sabotage at age fifteen worked by the way. I know I creeped out at least two mothers dressing up like that…#either because they got the reference or I just looked like a ghost.)#I feel like garbage today but I still went out to follow up with someone I warned. It stressed me out.#I have put myself under so much physical emotional and mental strain to sabotage this cult and to see PIMOs in safer positions#doing nothing but having worldly fun and seeing no consequences makes me sick#(of course if you’re a kid or adult who isn’t independent… please don’t do what I did. I’m not directing this at you.)#(or if you have young kids in the org and are worried about them… this also isn’t directed at you#but you do need to do something for your children so they don’t end up like me)#Anyway after five years of this shit I need a break.#Obviously I’ll still write and make art to process and share everything that happened to the internet
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