#they’re just summing up the entire series through two movies

[lady-fey]

Every Character Follows a Set of Rules

Writing consistent characters can be a challenge. One of the best tips that I have for overcoming that challenge is to accept the fact that every character is going to follow a set of rules. They may not necessarily be logical rules, but they’re there. The trick to being a good writer is establishing those rules and then following them OR putting in a ton of work to justify breaking them.

Let’s look at some examples from popular media starting with a simple character: Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings.

Sam arguably has a single rule that guides him and that rule is this: Sam is loyal to Frodo above all others and will put his own life at risk to protect Frodo and assist him in the completion of his mission.

This is the thing that guides Sam’s every action in LotR. If you’re writing a scene where Sam has to make a choice, just ask “what’s the best thing for Frodo” and that’s what you have Sam do. He’s basic, but notably still well loved, which is why I picked him. Complexity does not a good character make, but good characters can be complex, which brings us to example two: Tony Stark from the MCU.

Tony is a complex, messed up character, but you can still sum him up with a handful of rules:

Tony is a suspicious person who assumes that everyone wants something from him. It takes a lot for a person to earn his trust, but once they have it, he’s incredibly loyal to them.

Tony shows that he cares through material things like weapons upgrades and extravagant gifts. He will not show physical affection easily and often downplays just how much effort he’s put into something to avoid being hurt if the giftee don’t like what he’s made.

Tony’s greatest asset is his mind. He is always coming up with plans. and he will always take the path that he feels is best, even if that means great personal sacrifice

Tony is naturally curious and loves learning and inventing. He can’t help but want to solve any puzzle you give him, often sacrificing his health to do it.

Tony hates to show weakness, hiding his hurt behind a snarky attitude or self-destructive behavior. He’s never going to tell people that something is wrong unless he absolutely has to. You usually have to force it out of him.

Tony values those he loves and humanity/large populations more than he values himself. He doesn’t want die, but he will take that risk if that’s the best option.

This is how you write Tony Stark. Follow these rules, add in some sarcastic quips, and you’re mostly golden. However, there are a few scenes throughout the series where Tony breaks rule six and does something to put himself above a person who earned his loyalty. The big example is in Captain America: Civil War, which ends with Tony doing something that’s pretty out of character. However, that scene still works because the entire movie is centered around putting Tony in a position where he’s pushed to his limit. The writers actually talk about this openly, saying that they knew that they’d need to put Tony under a ton of stress for the ending to work because, under normal circumstances, Tony wouldn’t do that.

This is how good writers think. They don’t say “A needs to happen no matter what character Y would do” they ask “okay, would character Y normally do A?” and, if the answer is no, then they figure out what they need to do to make that choice believable. You can get a character to do almost anything if you play your cards right. For example, you can have a sweet kind character who would never hurt a fly do something as extreme as murder if you put someone they love in danger.

If you feel like you struggle with keeping characters consistent, start thinking about them from this rules perspective. A good exercise is to pick a character that you love and see if you can figure out their rules. To do this, focus on how they act under normal conditions and then think about what the author does if/when the character does something that breaks their rules. What stressors did they have to put them under?

I don’t actively write down my characters rules most of the time, but this is how I think of them and how I’m able to write people who are very different from me. It’s also worth noting that you can list out as many rules as you need to help yourself stay consistent. They don't have to be these big idea rules that I've focused on here. They can be more simple stuff like "Amy will always stop to pet a dog." Once you have your rules, just make sure you always follow them or that you always justify breaking them. Do that you shouldn’t have any problem writing someone who’s believable.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball GT 11

✨GT Stands for Gratuitous Twist✨

So these next four episodes deal with the Luud Cult.   I guess technically the Luud arc spans episodes 9-15, but 9 and 10 focus on the Para Bros, and 15 is basically an epilogue.  11-14 see the good guys fighting the cult on their home turf. 

As I got closer to these four episodes, I found it hard to remember everything that happened in them.  This is my first time watching GT since 2013, but I feel like I had a pretty good handle on the plots of each episode.  For instance, I remember Episode 15 pretty well, because Pan gets stuck in the desert and fights a centipede, and Giru rescues her. 

Episodes 11-14 felt like a blur, because I could only remember enough stuff to fill like two episodes.  They go to Planet Luud, Pan gets turned into a doll, they fight Mutchy Motchy, then he turns out to be a whip, then Dolltaki molests the Pan doll and activates Luud, then Dolltaki and Pan get trapped inside Luud and they have to do that stupid joint attack to hit Luud on the inside and outside at the same time.  But that couldn’t have been everything, could it? 

Turns out, yes, that’s pretty much it.  It felt like I had forgotten something, but then I watched Episode 11 and realized that barely anything happens.  I think the pace picks up near the end of this arc, but we’ve got a ways to go. 

So the entire first half of this episode is devoted to Pan and Giru being stuck aboard the Para Bros. spaceship as it automatically flies to Planet Luud.  They don’t know where they’re going or how to control the ship, so Pan browbeats Giru because all she’s good for is complaining that no one else is solving her problems. 

✨ “Good” “Ideas”, Poorly Executed✨

I want to go back to the 2005 interview with GT producer Kozo Morishita.  When discussing Pan, he refers to this episode:

“Dragon Ball GT has an episode where Pan is turned into a doll, but that episode established the pattern of ‘Pan sets the incident in motion while Goku resolves it’.”

And that sums of the depiction of Pan throughout the series.  Morishita had a very clear, very simple formula for Goku and Pan’s dynamic, and they pretty much stuck with it through the entire series. 

For me, this right here is one of the main reasons I hate GT so much.  People talk about whether or not it’s canon, or whether it goes “back-to-the-basics”, and whether it hearkens back to the “adventure focus” of early Dragon Ball, but that’s just avoids the central issue.  Forget the manga, forget the Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z anime.  For a moment, just consider GT in a vacuum, as a standalone anime.  You have one of the main characters, and her sole purpose in the series is to get in trouble so the other main character can rescue her.  And they just do that over and over.  She never gains any agency or development as the series progresses, she just stumbles into trouble so the formula can be preserved. 

Now think about the movie Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero, where a different version of Pan is a minor character, but she still has a little character arc of her own.  At the start of the movie, she can’t fly yet, but then at the end, she finally figures it out, and then she happily shows it off to Gohan and Piccolo.  It’s great.   She didn’t get to do a lot in terms of fighting the bad guys, but she still had some personal growth to mirror Gohan and Piccolo’s development. 

The frustrating thing about the Kozo Morishita interview is how he basically confirms that GT kept shifting its premise and never found a proper direction, but the one thing they stuck to no matter what was the formula of Pan getting into trouble so Goku could save her.  The way he speaks of this in the interview, it’s like the bedrock of the series.  It’s the guiding principle of Dragon Ball GT.

Why?  Because I already grew up with the trope through characters like Jimmy Olsen.  In the 40s, Jimmy Olsen was literally a child, and they gradually aged him up over the years.  He would get in trouble and Superman would save him, and it was boring as fuck, because it was the same routine over and over.  By the 1950s, you had Jimmy doing the same bit on the Adventures of Superman TV series, only he was played by 24-year-old Jack Larson, so you had a grown man making the same idiot mistakes, and never learning anything.  

Eventually, Superman writers saw the light and began finding more original things to do with the character, so now we live in a world where Superman can save people besides his co-workers, but people like Kozo Morishita saw the formula and thought it was a feature instead of a cliche. 

And really, having Goku save Pan all the time isn’t the worst way to go, but you have to at least give Pan some redeeming qualities to make up for her helplessness.  She’s the least powerful of her team, she doesn’t know how to fix things or fly spaceships.  She’s too inexperienced to be a leader.  She seems to have sensible ideas from time to time, but she doesn’t know how to follow through on them. And whenever she gets stuck, she whines and takes it out on everyone around her.  If she can’t save herself, then her obnoxious personality just makes her that much more annoying.  Eventually you start to resent the character and wish that Goku would just abandon her to her fate. 

But GT is what it is, so we’re stuck with the version of Pan that we have. And yet, even if I accept GT Pan at face value, she’s still undermined by the slipshod writing.  Let’s review:

Q: How did Pan get stuck on the Para Brothers’ spaceship in the first place? 

A: In Episode 10, she was searching their ship for the Dragon Ball, and noticed some alien words on one of the computer terminals.  She asked Giru to translate for her, and when he told her that it said to launch the ship and return to Planet Luud, the ship heard Giru and interpreted it as a command.

Q: Then the ship is only going to Luud because Giru accidentally told it to do so?

A: According to Episode 10, yes.

Q: Okay, then in Episode 11 why don’t they just tell the ship to go back?   Why is Pan asking Giru to find a “switch” that will take control of the ship?   It’s all voice interface, so why don’t they just talk to it?

A: Because GT Logic.

It is this fucking bullshit that makes the show so terrible.   Not the saccharine tone, not the ugly color palettes, not the unlikable characters and piss-poor villains.  Those are all problems, sure, but I could forgive them if the series at least kept track of the simplest plot points from one episode to the next.  Instead, characters literally forget things like “you can talk to the ship” or “I can fly” or “I’m the Legendary Super Saiyan”.  And they always forget in such a way that serves to drag the story out and try my patience. 

Because they don’t forget to show Pan and Giru arriving on Planet Luud and disembarking from the ship.  No, they made sure to put that in there, and the part where the find Luud’s temple.  They could have just started the episode on this scene, and had Pan provide exposition to cover what happened between Episodes 10 and 11.  “This is terrible, Giru!  The Para Brothers’ ship took us all the way to their home planet, and we can’t get it to take us back!  But if there really is a Dragon Ball inside that weird castle, then maybe this can work out after all!” 

But no, we have to waste half an episode on a trip Pan can’t control.  

✨Is This Episode Worse than “The Roaming Lake”?✨

Yes, as dumb as “The Roaming Lake” was, at least they didn’t have Goku forget about the drought, or that he knows how to talk and fire energy blasts out of his hands. 

✨Positivity Page✨

I will give this one some credit for how Pan confronts Mutchy Motchy.  He starts monologuing about the Luud Cult, and how Lood is a “god of destruction” who will usher in a new order in the universe, and Pan just snatches the Dragon Ball and makes a run for it. 

She doesn’t get very far before the Luud idol zaps her and transforms her into a doll, just like those aliens from the last two episodes.  The thing is, though, even if this hadn’t happened, where was Pan planning to go?  She had no way off the planet, and she had no way of knowing Goku and Trunks were on their way to save her.  But I’ll give this episode some credit for this as well.  Pan’s still a little kid, so it makes sense for her to do things like boldly swiping a Dragon Ball from the bad guys without an exit strategy.  It’s the sort of thing I wish she got to do more of in this series.  Normally, she’d just whine about how Giru should steal the Dragon Ball for her, and then hit him when he doesn’t do it right.

Luckily for Pan, Goku and Trunks are already on Planet Luud, having interrogated the Para Brothers to find out where their ship went.  They storm the temple with the Para Brothers, so Mutchy-Motchy turns them into dolls too, and tosses them into Luud’s pot.  Then he fights Goku and Trunks at the same time, and doesn’t do too badly at first, thanks to his dirty tricks.   This shot looks like he’s firing a ki blast at Goku, but it’s actually a gun he was holding under his robes.

Then Mutchy Motchy summons a giant blue robot lion to finish the battle for him. Goku kills it in one shot.  He doesn’t even shoot at Leion, he blasts the wall, knocking off a big chunk of it that crushes Leion. 

While they all stare at the wreckage, Giru notices the Pan doll lying on the floor and detects life signs, so he realizes that this is actually Pan.  But before he can save her, another bad guy shows up and kicks him away, securing the doll for himself.   I’ll have more to say about this next time.

Back to the fight, Leion must have had some sort of secondary explosion, because several seconds after being crushed, he blows up and Mutchy Motchy is destroyed in the blast.  So Goku took both of them out in one shot?  Okay, this is dumb as hell.  We spent half the episode setting up Pan on this planet, and then we speedrun the battle?  They’ve spent three episodes introducing this guy and he dies like this?

Well, no, because his whip survived the blast, and then it starts TALKING to Goku and Trunks.  According to the whip, Mutchy Motchi was never the actual leader of the Luud Cult.  Oh, no.  The whip was the REAL boss all along.  And the whip’s name is also Mutchy, because that isn’t confusing or anything.

Then the whip transforms into this other jackass, and promises to give Goku and Trunks a much greater challenge.   Why the fuck didn’t he just do this in the first place?  If he’s in charge, why does he spend all day in whip form, having his servant flail him around and giving orders? 

And why is the audience supposed to care?  We barely had a chance to get invested in the last boss, and now we’re supposed to care about this guy?  It’d be like if Frieza showed up on Namek and then three episodes later he slips on a banana peel and dies, then his hoverchair turns into a robot and says “Ha ha! I was the real overlord all along!  And my name is also Frieza!”  It would fucking suck, and Dragon Ball GT went ahead and did it. 

What... what is wrong with this show? Like, why would anyone write this shit and think it was suitable for broadcast?  I just watched this episode and I promise I’m describing exactly what happened, and yet it reads like I’m telling a stupid joke.

“The bad guy summoned a robot lion, but Goku kills it in one hit and it kills the bad guy too, then his whip reveals that he was the secret real boss all along.”

And he’s not even the real boss!  There’s like three more rungs on the ladder, but forget that for now.   This is stupid enough on its own.  This is like something a four year old would say, and then they’d start giggling because they know they’re being silly.  But no, grown men in Japan came up with this in 1996, and they were like “Well, good enough, let’s put it on TV.”  

✨The Blade Braxton Memorial Haiku*✨

All right, I need to move on.  Blade Braxton (1975-2021) was a legend in the field of pro wrestling podcasts.   One of his many talents was to hit people with a Shake-weight so that his protege, Mr. Fitness II, could win his matches.   But also, he wrote haiku poems that summed up weeks’ worth of wrestling news and discourse in a succinct, soul-refreshing seventeen syllables.   My purpose here is to honor the memory of Mr. Brakestown-sensei by composing my own poems to save people the trouble of watching Dragon Ball GT. 

Folks, life is short.  Don’t waste your time watching terrible anime.  Don’t even look up episode summaries on the internet.  I know I just wrote a whole rant about this episode, but don’t even bother reading this post.  Just scroll straight down to this part at the end.  That’s all you need!  Seventeen syllables, and you’ll know everything you need to know about this episode.  Then you can use the free time you’ve saved to talk to a loved one, learn a new language, or spend a little more time in bed.  Whatever you want to do.  It’s your life, so make the most of it. 

Here we go. 

Ahem.

Here we go.

How does a talking

Whip know about Dragon Balls?

We’ll never find out.

[twistedtummies2]

Artists in Wonderland - Number 6

Welcome to Artists in Wonderland! Running till the 4th of July, I’m counting down My Top 10 Favorite Illustrators for “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland!” The Lewis Carroll stories of Alice are as immortal as they are odd, and many great artists have handled them in different ways. This countdown will pay homage to just a few of them. Our 6th Place illustrator uses a style I imagine at least a few people reading this will find QUITE interesting. Today’s artist is Kriss Sison!

Sison’s omnibus edition of both “Alice” books is one of the most recent, released in 2014. It was part of the “Illustrated Classics” series by Seven Seas Entertainment. Seven Seas is a publishing company that specializes in manga-style works. Their “Illustrated Classics” collection takes multiple pieces of classic literature and releases them in special editions illustrated in a manga/light-novel-esque style. Wonderland in a manga or anime style is nothing new. Japan has an ENORMOUS following for the Carroll stories; in fact, I may be mistaken, but I think it’s possible that Japan has released more work inspired by or directly based on the “Alice” stories than any other country, including both the United Kingdom and the U.S.A. From reimaginings like “Pandora Hearts” and “Alice in the Country of Hearts,” to “gimmick episodes” like those found in “Black Butler” and “Ouran High School Host Club,” to “guest appearances” in things like “100 Sleeping Princes and the Kingdom of Dreams” or “Grimms Notes,” it’s everywhere. Even pieces that are not directly adapted from the books show their influence: several Studio Ghibli movies, for example, such as “My Neighbor Totoro,” “Spirited Away,” and “The Cat Returns” all have a sort of “Alice-ness” to them. So, what sets Sison apart from so many other Japanese or Japanese-influenced interpretations? Very simply this: no one, to my knowledge, has taken this approach to the ACTUAL STORIES before. At least to my knowledge, there was never an illustrated copy of Alcie quite like this before Seven Seas made their edition. Seeing the original Carroll text matched with this type of art style is actually very special and unique. And while the style is familiar, Sison’s imaginings of the different characters are entirely her own invention. There’s a lot to admire with this edition; the artwork is plentiful, in more ways than one. Each chapter in each book is given a minimum of two illustrations, and these black-and-white inked pieces are scattered in a very clever way to detail the action that goes through each story. Along with these monochrome images, Sison also includes seven full-color images, including a textless spread of the cover art (which I have provided above in favor of the ACTUAL cover). And there’s still more: at the end of the book, she even includes a few pages of behind-the-scenes artwork, showcasing her concept sketches for some of the characters and a step-by-step play of her drafts for the cover art. What I love most about this edition, and the artwork that accompanies it, can be summed up in three words: color, action, and personality. While most of the book is illustrated in black and white, the cover art and the six other color images included are absolutely gorgeous. The colors used are richer than thick candy, but never feel garish or gaudy. There’s a sense of dimension and weight to things, and the world feels truly dense and alive in these colored images. This is lost in the monochrome pictures, but they make up with it due to the latter two points: what this style, and the way it’s particularly handled, really achieves is making the characters and events in the story feel truly alive. With a lot of other illustrated copies of “Alice,” there’s a sort of static quality to them; as if you’re looking at a portrait or a photo. They’re wonderful, of course, but they feel very still. Sison’s artwork makes the characters feel like they’re truly living and breathing, leaping from the pages, with incredible expressions and fantastic personality to every one. And unlike a graphic novel (or a manga), none of Carroll’s text is lost in translation because, as important as the illustrations are, they ARE ultimately illustrations to the complete story. For those who find the manga/anime style something of a put-off, this edition will not likely engage you much. But if you’re open to the idea, and if you love the “Alice” stories, you definitely will want to check this one out. It’s fairly easy to find, as far as I can tell. I’d also recommend looking into other works by Seven Seas, such as Sison’s illustrated omnibus of “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” and “The Marvelous Land of Oz.” Lions, and tigers, and anime girls, oh, my!

Come back down the rabbit hole tomorrow as we move into the Top 5! Don’t be late! ;)

[erazonpo3]

WOWM

so What Once Was Mine came out and I read it.

My General Thoughts are that this book was something of a rollercoaster but in like a pop up carnival with dubious safety regulations and diseases in the DIY log flume water kind of way. I had some fun reading it but I also feel like I picked up a rash.

If you're like me and you enjoy picking a book apart for morsels of interesting concepts then you might enjoy it, if you think holy shit why the fuck is a literal real historical serial killer in this book I need to see this then you might enjoy it, if you care about engaging plots and character beats then you probably won't.

If you want to ask me anything specific go ahead, but otherwise for more in depth thoughts: spoilers ahead

Basic Summary of the Plot

Okay so here's the deal. The story has the framing device of two siblings in a cancer ward, where one tells the other a story. I'll get into that later, but that's how it starts. Our actual story starts with a pretty long prologue: We learn that the King & Queen got the Moonflower thinking it was the Sunflower, Rapunzel was born with silver hair, and then baby Rapunzel kills a maid who accidentally hurt her when brushing her hair.

Oh, by the way, Max is a human man named Justin Tregsburg. Yeah.

Anyway, the royal family puts out feelers for legit witches who can safely take care of Rapunzel because the baby is too dangerous, and Gothel shows up to take her away. Queen Arianna visits Rapunzel once (but is only allowed to watch through a peephole) and decides watching another woman raise her child is too painful and throws herself into restoring the kingdom's orphanages instead.

Now we're in the present. Rapunzel is nineteen and she wants to go and see the lanterns (a mourning tradition of the Dead princess in this story). She tries to argue with Gothel but gets shut down, and Gothel makes her kill a chicken to prove the point that she can't go outside because she's too dangerous. However we as the audience already know Gothel plans to sell Rapunzel off as a bride or a servant or a weapon to some other nobles, because she's evil.

Also by the way Gothel still has access to our Sundrop Flower and is using it to live forever that's just a thing that happens in the background.

When Gothel is gone Rapunzel watches as a man (Flynn) stores a satchel in a tree outside of her tower, and that motivates her to leave the tower for the first time. Then she goes back inside the tower with her prize of a crown, and a skink she found and named Pascal. Rapunezl and Gothel have another spat, and Rapunzel decides she will run off to see the lanterns and she will find Flynn and make him her guide.

She ends up at the Snuggly Duckling and she doesn't find Flynn but she does find Gina, a young career criminal girl looking to break the glass ceiling. Gina agrees to help her find Flynn. They find Flynn, and he agrees to help guide Rapunzel to see the floating lanterns for a split reward of the crown with Gina.

The Snuggly Duckling gets burned down by Countess Bathory (yes that Elizabeth Bathory) and the Pub Thugs are pissed about it and also they're helping Rapunzel even though she didn't sing the I've Got A Dream song don't worry about it. We learn that the nobles that wanted to buy Rapunzel are now hunting her down so she can go to auction.

Gina takes them to her adopted mother's cottage. Gina's mother is a white witch, who goes by the name of Goodwife. She doesn't get an actual name she's just The Goodwife. Anyhow, the cottage is a magic safe space (for now) and Goodwife teaches Rapunzel that her hair isn't inherently evil and may not even be all that deadly! Rapunzel learns that her hair has other powers too, like the ability to turn skink Pascal into a sentient Chameleon. Yeah.

Also Goodwife tells Rapunzel she's the dead princess but this isn't like, an immediate call to action. Not a lot happens until we get this story's version of the Mother Knows Best Reprise where Gothel finds Rapunzel again but has to flee, but this Rapunzel has a bigger support network and isn't buying it. Flynn and Gina decide the safest course of action is to bring Rapunzel to the castle, but along the way she gets kidnapped by the Countess.

Gothel is pissed because she still wants the money for Rapunzel, so she rallies the armies of all the opposing bidders. Flynn and Gina convince Max the Man to send for his troops, and he joins them in going to the enemy castle. Flynn tries to sneak in, gets caught, and meanwhile there's a bloody battle out the front between the noble armies. Max jumps into the fray, Gina turns around and rallies the Pub Thugs.

Rapunzel uses her shrinking magic (!) to disappear half the castle and escape with Eugene, and the Pub Thugs arrive and basically end the battle. The Captain is dying but it's okay! Rapunzel turns him into a horse :) Also Rapunzel sees Gothel and tells her to fuck off.

The story ends with a tearful reunion between Rapunzel and her parents, Eugene and Gina are implied to be biological siblings, and things are good but of course in direct parallel to Cass Gina leaves at the end to become an adventurer. The end.

(There are a few other smaller plot beats, but you get the idea.)

MY THOTS

So here are my thoughts™.

Framing Device

I'll just state that I didn't like that the story was told via the vehicle of an older brother telling his 16 year old sister a different version of the Tangled Movie in a cancer ward. From what I've heard it also isn't normal for the Twisted Tales series to use a framing device for the AUs either.

I sympathise with the author's personal story, of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm stirred with compassion every time the flow of the story is interrupted to remind you to be sad because this is a story being told to a girl sick with cancer. It feels more than a little tragedy-porny rather than emotionally touching, and maybe that's because I'm too burnt out on real life tragedy to waste emotional energy on fictional cancer patients but we don't need to do Fault In Our Stars discourse again.

Real World References

This story goes heavy with Real World references. And another issue with the framing device as above is that you do feel like this is a story being told by someone namedropping every historical figure they know which makes it harder to get into the story.

There's like... a lot of references to Christianity, particularly in the prologue. There's a priest that thinks Rapunzel's hair is the work of the Devil or whatever. It's a lot. The Patriarchy is a thing. And that's not even getting into the Countess. I put it very succinctly in my notes so I'll paste it here:

I wish she’d just been an OC who could exist to chew scenery because the fact that she was a literal historical serial killer is super. Off putting. Like, she could have been an obvious reference to Bathory, but it feels like Miku Binder Hamilton levels of uncomfortable to me.

I miss Lady D.

Which basically sums up my problem with trying to take the setting of Tangled and put it somewhere in the Real World and somewhere on the Timeline. Who thought this was a good idea.

Misc. Thoughts

So, I used the five highlighter colours my ipad allows to organise my thoughts and organised them accordingly: Yellow for out of place IRL references, Blue for worldbuilding/character points that aren't plot relevant but still interesting, Pink for when something I find personally amusing happens, Purple for when the story feels like it's trying to 1-up the movie in some kind of way and Green for Heterosexual Nonsense. I'll touch on those last two in the Character sections but be prepared.

Also: for a book about giving Rapunzel killer hair, her hair isn't very dangerous. I wanted to see Rapunzel kill someone, and I'm disappointed that I didn't.

Characters

I'll do a deep dive into my thoughts about the characters before wrapping it up. I'm starting with Gina because she's honestly the easiest to get through.

Gina

Gina is a new character introduced for the story. She's a young woman trying to make it as a career criminal but keeps hitting that glass ceiling. So here's the down low, for all those who want to know: Gina is basically Cass, only not really. She's implied to be Eugene's biological sister, as previously mentioned, but you can imagine she's Cass the entire way through without breaking your immersion because if you imagined Cass if she were adopted by a Goodwitch rather than the Captain and had a looser, more wilderness survivor than trainee guard upbringing then you get Gina.

I liked Gina! I think she's fun as her own character too, and her best moments are when she's interacting with her mother Goody Goodwife, and she of course picks up a natural sibling rivalry with Eugene, but I was disappointed with how little she really bonded with Rapunzel because she needed to make room for Eugene and Rapunzel's romance.

Rapunzel

Okay, here's our protagonist. There's a notable effort to make Rapunzel more active in her destiny and whatever, and sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. I was worried they'd try to go full butt-kicking girlboss with her but I was pleasantly surprised that Rapunzel was pretty useless in most scenes, genuinely love to see it.

With a more intimate look into Rapunzel's psyche through the medium of prose, we see Rapunzel really questioning Gothel's behaviour even before she leaves the tower, and while I appreciate that she can develop her own cynicism I feel it starts unnecessarily early. This is my purple colour; the movie needs to be "fixed" by showing the readers that this Rapunzel is quicker to distrust Gothel. She's also quicker to hatch a plan to go outside of the tower on her own, and she makes a plan to make Flynn her guide for the lanterns even though he never stumbles upon her in the tower- and even though she has a perfectly rational reason not to trust him which is that he is a stranger and a Wanted Thief.

In the moments where it does work is when Rapunzel is surrounded by her new support network: Flynn, Goodwife and Gina, who encourage her to question Gothel's sincerity, and Rapunzel comes up with her own defences for Gothel so that she can poke through them herself.

I have some other thoughts about Rapunzel's hair and her powers, like how the story provides the interesting concept that her hair gets different powers with the different phases of the moon, but a lot of the powers are uhhh stupid and also I feel like it really robs the story of the whole gripping conflict of "Yes I'm Rapunzel Yes my hair kills people what of it".

In as far as just Rapunzel herself though, she still felt pretty in character nonetheless, and maybe that's all I can ask.

Flynn Rider / Eugene Fitzherbert

My boy I am so sorry. They neutered my boy.

Long story short: Eugene in this story is the sexy lamp. He contributes nothing to the plot except to be there for Rapunzel to drool over. And of course because he won't get any character development, he starts from the very beginning as a sweet soft boi with none of the Flynn Rider characterisation from the movie because we don't have time for that, he needs to be husband material stat.

His whole character is the colour green for Heterosexual Nonsense.

So, here's the problem. In the movie, there's not a lot of time for ~friendship~ between Rapunzel and Eugene because they kind of immediately see each other as a romantic prospect. And whatever, it's a movie and there's only so much time. But this book had the opportunity to take things a bit slower and instead chooses to make Rapunzel get jealous whenever Eugene and Gina interact and for her to be constantly wishing he was holding her hand.

Say what you will about Lost Lagoon, but it tells a good romance story just by virtue of not intending to be a romance story, because the author is trying to convey a strong bond between Rapunzel and Cassandra without using "and they kiss" as a cheatcode. What Once Was Mine says "he was a boy, she was a girl, could it be any more obvious?" and leaves it at that.

Now as for how this all pertains to Eugene's character? Well, it just robs him of any flavour. In the movie there's a clear distinction between Flynn and Eugene, when we learn Eugene's real name about halfway through. We see a clear difference between the Flynn we knew- kind of an asshole, wanated to drop Rapunzel off at the Snuggly Duckling and get rid of her- and Eugene, who is sincere and chooses Rapunzel as his New Dream in opposition to his Old Dream of living alone on an island with a bunch of money.

This version of Eugene is basically Eugene all the way through, because the plot doesn't really need Eugene there but he has to be there because it's a Tangled AU so there's no Rapunzel rescuing Flynn from the guards and healing his hand scene, he just loves her immediately and that's that. They have a little spat at one point but it's cleared up later and not because they actually communicate but because they kiss.

Rapunzel only learns Eugene's real name at the very end of the story, and gives a speech about how Eugene is the real him, but it's just so flat because 'Flynn' has been sincere this whole time? Anyway he does nothing of value for the entire story except be there for Rapunzel to lust after. Eugene I'm so sorry.

Gothel

Gothel's sort of the Big Bad and is characterised as an abusive asshole, the usual. I wish there were a bit more nuance to her character but then again in this story she's not just being passively evil- taking care of Rapunzel for selfish reasons but nevertheless maintaining the status quo- she's being actively evil in trying to sell Rapunzel off.

It's notably funny that Gothel sees the Countess Bathory and is like "what the fuck".

Anyway Gothel in this story also feels very weak in part because this Rapunzel is more critical and in part because this Rapunzel has a new support network. It's for that reason the Mother Knows Best Reprise scene doesn't really work, because the original has Gothel pit Rapunzel against Eugene, whereas she can't do that here so it remains a Gothel vs Rapunzel thing.

She gets a boring death as an epilogue addendum that someone rips out the Sundrop flower, which tbh? lame. It would be a lot more fun if it were open ended but I am also preferential to Rapunzel actually using her killer hair to kill someone. Please

Captain Justin Tregsburg

It's Max. He was a human but then he got turned into a horse. what the fuck you guys

[makeste]

obstacles do not block the path

they are the path.

or something. it’s a zen proverb. anyway, so this is yet another post about Bakugou potentially losing his quirk. I’m gonna try to articulate it a little better this time. rather than just explaining why I think it’s likely to happen, I tried to explain why I think this specific and as-yet-still-hypothetical character decision is a very deliberate and purposeful one. in other words, this isn’t my argument for why it will happen; this is a post about why it should happen.

to start, there are two Horikoshi interviews which I want to quote here, and the reason I’m quoting them is because they do a good job of summing up the dual nature of the hero model that BnHA is built on. I’ll start with the longer quote, which is Horikoshi’s answer to the question, “so Sensei, what heroes do you like?”

[It would] probably have to be Goku and Spider-Man. To me, when mentioning heroes, these two are the ones that I think of. In Goku’s case, it’s the reassurance that everything is going to be fine which he brings when arriving. Such as, on Namek, Goku was getting healed, and his friends were all beaten badly. When Goku finally recovered and walked out of the healing machine, that reassurance right there is what I’m talking about. Something like “Ah, everything is going to be fine”. When I first read it and saw it was really Goku who had arrived, I continued reading thinking the thought “gonna win”. (laughs) That reassurance is something that all of the other characters don’t have. I thought about it afterwards, and even though there are a variety of heroes, the hero model that is built up in my mind is built around the concept that the hero is somebody that brings reassurance. That’s why I think a hero to me is somebody that helps and brings reassurance to others.

In Spider-Man’s case, the first experience I had with this character was the movie, in which there were a lot of scenes with him rescuing people, which I felt that was really cool. The moment he “saves somebody” is really awesome. Well, in Goku’s case, it’s because he likes fighting that he fights, so that’s a bit different. (laughs) You can say that Spider-Man and Goku are two different aspects of being a hero.

I’m sure you all can figure out just who Goku and Spider-Man each represent in respect to our beloved series.

as for the second Horikoshi quote, this one is much shorter. just a single line, actually, in regards to the development of Bakugou’s character:

I also thought to have [Bakugou] and Deku improve on two separate vectors as they entered U.A.

that’s it. just a single sentence lol. except that this one sentence can basically be used to sum up the entirety of Bakugou’s character development throughout the series, and it also serves as a roadmap as to what I think might happen next.

let’s start with the very first line in the series.

this sets the stage for everything that happens next. it establishes who these characters are right from the get-go. we see the hierarchy of quirk society, and we see two children born on polar opposites of the spectrum. Izuku, who was born quirkless, who exists at the bottom of the food chain. and Katsuki, born with a powerful quirk and the natural talent to back it up, who sits comfortably at the very top of the pyramid. two children who, from a very young age, are set up to walk completely different paths in life.

and yet the curious thing is, their goals are the same.

they both want to be like All Might. interestingly, though, they look up to him for different reasons. each boy admires All Might for what they see of themselves in him. Izuku sees a hero who protects others and works to save them no matter what. and Katsuki sees a champion who never gives up and who always emerges victorious.

and what the story eventually goes on to explain is that these are two halves of the same hero. Spider-Man, who rescues people and brings them hope. and Goku, who always wins no matter what, and by doing so brings reassurance to others. these two aspects together make up the perfect, consummate hero which both Izuku and Katsuki aspire to be. and the story is about how they get there.

but it’s that how that’s really where things begin to get interesting. because as previously mentioned, Katsuki and Izuku each start out their respective journeys in very different places. their origins, their “starting lines” as the series sometimes puts it, are polar opposites of one another, and yet they both are heading for the same goal. they want the same thing, but to get there, they each have to journey from a different place.

and what that means is that right from the start, it was impossible for Izuku and Katsuki’s journeys to be the same. more than that, they’re not just different journeys, they’re the opposite journeys. if you start from two opposing ends of a path facing towards the same goal, the only way for you to reach that goal is by traveling in the exact opposite direction as the other person. as an illustration of this, please accept this visual aid which I drew with love:

eh. eh.

so let’s continue to retrace each of their paths as the story progresses. we’ll start with Izuku first. his story begins when he receives One for All, a quirk that allows him to compete with other would-be heroes on equal ground for the first time. by this point he has already learned inner strength and compassion and selflessness. he already cares deeply about others. and so his trajectory now veers towards him learning what it means to be a champion. learning the things that Katsuki already knows.

and Izuku makes a lot of mistakes when he first starts out. he is too selfless. he rushes in to save others without sparing any thought for himself, resulting in repeated instances of him getting in over his head and getting injured and taking himself out of the fight. he almost gets himself expelled for this on the very first day of hero school, and Aizawa’s very first order of business is to chew him out over how irresponsible he is.

we see Izuku struggle to learn how to inspire others and be a leader, traits which happen to come to Katsuki naturally. Katsuki instinctively smiles when he’s up against a wall. he inspires others without even trying -- inspires them even in spite of his abrasive personality. but these are things which don’t come naturally to Izuku. Izuku is more inclined to follow than lead, because he doesn’t feel compelled to put himself in the spotlight, and because he is cooperative and will defer to others who are more aggressive about putting themselves in the leader role. Izuku doesn’t do the whole hero grin thing naturally, either; this is something he has to be coached on and consciously think about, and his early efforts are a bit hit-or-miss.

Izuku is more focused on saving people, and sometimes misses the fact that in order to do so, sometimes the best course of action is to just straight up beat the shit out of the bad guy(s). he learns this over the course of the series, and we see him doing the never-give-up thing against Muscular, and Overhaul, and Gentle. and Izuku’s selfless nature almost causes him to give up OFA to Mirio because he sees him as being more worthy; Mirio has to talk him out of it in order to stop him. in short, Izuku’s arc is all about him gradually learning confidence and becoming a badass.

now contrast this against Katsuki’s arc, which has the opposite trajectory. Katsuki starts out as someone who is already strong and confident. he is hard-working and driven and dedicated to his own self-improvement. he’s a prodigy when it comes to battle, and his determination to succeed inspires others to challenge and push themselves in order to keep up with him. 

he is a natural leader, and a terrible follower. and he completely overlooks the “saving people” aspect of being a hero in favor of the “kicking ass” part.

so now here’s the interesting thing. Izuku’s growth comes from achieving new things and gaining new abilities and skills. his growth comes from experiencing victory and success. but Katsuki’s growth takes the exact opposite path. as someone who has experienced success his entire life, Katsuki’s first steps toward progress only come once he starts experiencing failure for the very first time. it might seem counterintuitive, but his breakthroughs only come after he experiences setbacks. because just like Izuku needed to experience victory in order to grow, Katsuki needed to experience loss. just as Izuku needed to grow stronger, Katsuki needed to learn what it was like to experience weakness. without that understanding, his growth would have stagnated.

so from a certain perspective, the story’s treatment of Katsuki vs Izuku might not seem fair. Izuku constantly receives help while Katsuki only faces hindrances. Izuku’s strength only ever seems to increase, while Katsuki is repeatedly confronted by his own limitations. he’s attacked by villains. he’s kidnapped. he blames himself for his hero’s downfall. etc. etc. etc.

but the reason why Horikoshi keeps putting him through all these situations is because in order to have someone grow as a character, you need to have them slowly overcome their flaws. and it just so happens that Izuku and Katsuki’s flaws are the exact opposites of each other’s. and so when you think about it, it only makes sense that in order for them to develop, they’re going to need to take opposite routes. “what they lack” is completely different. and thus “what they need to gain” will also be completely different. this is something which has been very plainly laid out from the earliest chapters of the series...

...and which has been hammered into our heads over and over again ever since.

anyway! enough of my long-winded rambling. you get the point! Katsuki and Izuku have the same goal but are approaching it from opposite sides. just as they are mirrors of each other, so are their arcs mirrors of each other’s arcs. they balance each other out.

but now I’m going to add on a bit more to that, though, so just hear me out. yes, it’s very good and wonderful that they can do this. their strengths complement each other’s flaws; their weaknesses offset. the two of them can and will one day be unstoppable together, and all of that is cool and great and epic.

but it’s also limiting to think of the two of them solely in these kinds of terms; as half-formed individuals who can only be complete and whole when they’re by each other’s side. they are each still their own person as well! and in order for them to achieve this same kind of balance within themselves, they can’t just simply meet in the middle and be done with it. both of them need to continue to walk down their respective paths and experience each other’s side, not just their own. here, let me just break it down:

Deku: starts out quirkless -> learns humility and compassion and how to put others before himself -> gets a quirk -> learns how to be strong and win and inspire courage in others -> becomes a hero that both wins and saves.

Kacchan: starts out with a good quirk -> learns how to be strong and win and inspire courage in others -> ??? -> learns humility and compassion and how to put others before himself -> becomes a hero that both saves and wins.

ah. and now we finally get to our actual fucking point lol.

do you see?? they are perfect mirrors of each other, except for one critical juncture. Izuku grew up on Rescue Road, but the entrance to Beating Villains Boulevard was always barricaded off. until one day he finally got a quirk, and so was permitted entry. meanwhile, Katsuki has lived on BV Blvd his entire life, and until very recently he never even knew there was a Rescue Rd. and now that he finally does know, he’s been working very hard to get there, and has made many detours all over Plot Parkway, and has finally reached the point where he’s at least able to see the road that leads where he needs to go. but he still hasn’t gotten there yet. for him it’s still barricaded off in the same way that his road was once barricaded off to Izuku.

and there are other ways for him to gain access to this road. ways which involve far less pain and suffering, tbh! but the problem is, he’s never been the type of boy who has the patience for any of those other roads. he can’t be bothered to take the scenic route there. he’s in a rush. and so he keeps on trying to force his way past the barricade using brute strength and whatever other means he can think of, perhaps even trying to use the toll pass he got back on his own street (stay with me, metaphor; we’re in this till the bitter end now), thinking that if it worked over there, it should work for him here too. but it doesn’t. and the longer he keeps pressing up against this barricade, the more frustrated he becomes.

and meanwhile Izuku has already made himself at home over on Katsuki’s own street. and so that sure is annoying! except it turns out that by watching Izuku very closely, Katsuki can sort of get an idea of how they do things over on Izuku’s old street, just like Izuku once observed Katsuki and admired him as the closest he could get to being on BV Blvd himself. so at least that’s something. and the more Katsuki does observe and imitate him, the more he’s actually able to do a passing impression of a true Rescue Rd native. and maybe eventually he even starts thinking to himself, I don’t really need to go down this stupid road anyway, even though deep down he knows that the only route through to All Might Avenue is through that road. and also though, the other thing is that seeing as he’s only ever lived on his own street, he still thinks, even now, that his street is objectively the better of the two and the more important.

but that’s not how it works. the plain fact of the matter is that in order to get to All Might Ave you need to pass through both roads. if it was just Hero Highway that they were trying to reach? well then sure! that one’s easy. exit’s right over there. but they don’t want plain old Hero Highway. they want All Might Ave. they want to be the best heroes. they want to complete their respective character journeys. and to do that, Kacchan needs to find what he lacks. and to do that, he needs to gain access to this road.

so what I’m trying to say here is that because of who Katsuki is, and because of what his goal is, the surest and most logical way to complete his character arc is by bringing it around full circle as a mirror to Izuku’s. in order to fulfill his goal of becoming the best hero, Katsuki has to lose his quirk. it’s symmetry. it’s yin and yang. it’s equilibrium. in order to move forward he must first go back. in order to win, he has to lose. for him, this is the missing piece.

and just to clarify, because I feel like this needs to be said: this is not about “redemption through suffering”, though. it’s not “oh he deserves it for how he treated Izuku all those years ago.” and it’s not “let’s make the audience feel sorry for poor little Kacchan so that they feel more sympathetic towards him”, either. that’s not it at all! because the thing is, this isn’t about punishment; this is about fulfillment. this isn’t angst for the sake of angst. this is about placing a very deliberately and meticulously crafted obstacle in front of him for the purpose of forcing him to learn how to overcome it.

because he will overcome it. this is Bakugou fucking Katsuki. he is not fragile. he is not delicate or frail. and so for anyone who’s worried this might be a crushing mental blow? I think you just might be underestimating him.

that’s not to say it won’t be grueling for him, mind. losing his quirk would mean coming face to face with the very real possibility of losing his dream too. because society doesn’t believe that people without quirks can be heroes. Katsuki himself never believed that someone without a quirk could be a hero.

but you know who did believe that? because he had to believe it, growing up, because no one else believed in him?

yeah. that’s right.

you see, for Izuku, his own intrinsic worth isn’t inherently tied to his quirk, because growing up he never had a quirk. now contrast that with Katsuki, whose own sense of self-worth is completely wrapped up in his quirk, his strength, his natural talent. Katsuki, who grew up being told how amazing his quirk was, and believing that the hierarchy of the world around him meant that having a good quirk placed him above other who didn’t. and who consequently also grew up with a correspondingly huge fear of failure, because his sense of security and fulfillment is contingent on his being strong. and if that were ever to change, to him that would mean a total loss of everything he is, everything he’s ever known, and everything he is striving to be.

“lol I thought you just said this wouldn’t be the crushing blow for him”, and yeah, lol, fair enough. but this is also exactly why it’s so important for him to finally face this fear head on. because even though it frightens him, even though it would devastate him, I don’t think it would defeat him. rather, I think that once he came to terms with what had happened and accepted it, he would do what he always does. he would rise back up.

because in spite of what he has always feared, he isn’t weak. and so even though losing his quirk would be harrowing, I think that, if done right, it could also be liberating and even empowering. because it’s him facing his fears. it’s an obstacle to overcome for the sake of him realizing that he can overcome it. because him being quirkless is not, in fact, the end of the world.

because his strength isn’t in his quirk -- it’s in his spirit. exactly like the boy he once secretly feared. exactly the same as Izuku.

so yeah. that’s basically it. tl;dr Deku and Kacchan are on opposite vectors and Katsuki’s is becoming particularly hazardous to navigate at the moment, but what at first glance seems to be a potential death blow could in fact be the thing that finally propels him forward towards where he wants to go and who he truly wants to be. and I am here for it. I want my boy to find himself some enlightenment. and then to rise back up again like the badass he is.

[maevesdarling]

Take me home tonight

Sooo, I decided to post chapter 1 of the story @unicorn-cloud and I have been cooking up for a while. This plays post series in an alternative universe. There’s mentions of gore and canon typical violence in both this and the second chapter, basically Walt is not dealing with things as good as he thought... I’m not sure how many chapters this story will have, probably around 3 to 4, also please be kind to me it’s been a long time since I uploaded my works to Tumblr, thx!  

Chapter 1: The Call

Later, after he put his gun and badge down and moves further away from the border, Walt gets a call from an unknown number. He contemplates not picking up. It's been years since Kiki's death and operation Leyenda. He thinks, for a moment, that it could be Miguel Angel, calling him from his jail cell to taunt him, but no, he's not important enough to that man and besides, Miguel Angel doesn't wield as much power as he used to.

There are others. New players in this fucked up game, Walt knows that. He saw them rising on the horizon like a looming thunderstorm, ready to destroy the earth in it's path. But for now, he decided to enjoy his peace. His back's been bothering him more as of lately and he's got a few more grey hairs. He quit smoking about a year ago, after his doctor told him to do so. He's had a few setbacks since then, a half finished pack is always hidden underneath his kitchen sink, just in case he needs a fix. But overall, he's trying to stay away from the cigarettes and eat more healthy, even though the microwavable dinners at the supermarket look damn tempting, especially since it's only himself he's cooking for.

He's up in Colorado these days. The DEA was kind enough to leave him with a nice sum of retirement money, probably to shut him up after all the shit he pulled of during his career and to be fair he doesn't blame them.

He buys a nice enough house on the outskirts of town, with some additional property, a rundown barn and an old apple tree orchard that he has no plan on using. The weather's less hot, and there's a few lakes where he can fish, but otherwise, it's pretty much like any other town he's lived in. The dark red sandstones dotting the farmland remind him of Mexico. Of sitting in the hot sun and watching a small airfield in the distance, with a pair of binoculars in his hand. Sal's voice next to him asking about their next move. It's nostalgic in a way.

The first day, after he finished dropping off his stuff in the small, rundown house, he sets off to drive around, get familiar with the place. He finds a shabby bar, a small supermarket, a post office, a family owned diner and a few farms, with cows and hundreds of chickens roaming the surrounding fields, that sell local products. Over time, he ventures out further and discovers some more bars, supermarkets and, to his surprise, a gay club.

It's well hidden, two cities over, wedged between an antique bookstore and a barbershop. It looks nothing like a club from outside, and from the inside, it's hardly distinguishable from any other bar Walt has ever set foot in. But he knows where to look, it's something you learn over time.

The first time he orders a drink, his eyes fall on a guy sitting on the other end of the bar. Dark hair and dark eyes, with a bristly moustache. He's wearing a black cowboy hat and a jeans jacket, it's not what he would have worn. Plus he only looks a slight bit like Sal, his face is much older, more weathered from years of hard work in the sun, but it's enough for Walt to give in to his yearning.

He buys Not-Sal a drink and they fall into an easy chatter. Two hours later, Walt is driving him back to his house. Not-Sal is more experienced than Walt had thought when he starts undressing him with steady hands, his fingers touching in all the right places, he's already prepared, as if he'd been expecting this to happen, and doesn't mind it when Walt accidentally let's Sal's name slip at the height of his pleasure.

They lie together afterwards, sharing a cigarette between them, neither of them ready to leave yet. Walt is slowly falling asleep to the feeling of another person combing their hands through his hair. When he wakes up the next morning, the house is empty. There's a note on his kitchen table, a short thank you message, that's it. Next time he's at the club, Not-Sal is gone. He finds someone else. A different man, with dark hair, dark eyes and a friendly face, and then another and another. Some of the men he brings over are kind, they'll stay the night and sometimes even the morning, to share a quick meal with him before they move on, others leave almost immediately after they finish. Some of them yell out Walt's name as they come, others don't. And some yell out another man's name, but that's okay because so is Walt.

He's careful with the company he keeps. Always making sure that no one sees him leaving the club with another man, driving different routes back home and of course he's always stocking up on enough condoms because he's not stupid, he knows how important protection is.

Even though he's had a few men over, none of them return for longer than a couple of times. Its fun, to fill the mornings with senseless chatter, and to fall asleep in another person's arms. But they're not Sal.

He's longing for him. Even after all those years he's still longing for him. It's been three, almost four years since he last heard from Sal. He was moving to San Francisco. The DEA wanted someone new up there and Sal was growing tired of the shit hole they had placed him in after Mexico. They had called each other almost everyday, sometimes they would even meet each other, for a quick chat and an even quicker fuck. There was never enough time.

Sal wanted to call him back, he promised, once he was in San Francisco, to call him every day. Write a postcard. But nothing came. The telephone was silent for two whole months and Walt was desperate. First, he checked the newspapers for any missing or recently deceased people, when that search came up empty, he started to search the phone book for Sal's new address but of course that came up empty as well. He kept buying new phone books, just in case and by now, there was a small bookcase filled with old phone books in his house, and not a single one held an address for Sal Orozco. It was almost like he never exited. Only Walt's memory kept him from going insane. The fading photos on his wall, the one he kept in his wallet, next to a picture of Greg and his family. One of Sal's shirts he forgot in Walt's apartment in Texas, it had long stopped smelling of him, but nevertheless, Walt would pick it up and inhale deeply, thinking that the ghost of Sal's smell was still there, etched into the fabric. He slept with the shirt, on those nights when he woke up drenched in sweat, screaming and with a thundering heart. He wrenched his eyes open but he saw them anyway, Amat, Ossie, Danilo, sometimes even Kiki. He saw them die, he saw their bodies, bruised, burned, riddled with bullets, standing in front of his bed, he could hear them calling out his name. "You killed us, Walt." They'd point at him, blood dripping from their fingertips onto his bedsheets. Those nights were the worst. Sometimes they could only be stopped with an entire bottle of whiskey.

The dreams had gotten better since he found the dog. The dog didn't have a name. He was a stray, with dark, golden fur and dirty white paws. He picked him up on his way home from an unsuccessful night at the club, the dog was covered in ticks and fleas, one eye had been badly bruised and he was tied to a tree by the side of the road. Clearly abandoned. He expected the dog to bark at him, or worse, bite him, when he kneeled down beside him to untie him, but instead, it sat down in front of Walt and started wagging it's tail, as if he'd known Walt all his life. He took the dog in and gave it a bath, making sure that no ticks or fleas survived, before driving him to the vet the next morning to check out his eye. The vet couldn't save it and so Walt decided to take him in, just another broken thing keeping his company.

He put a collar on the dog and called him his, they slept in the same bed and sat on the couch together, watching football games and stupid action movies. The dog went fishing on the lake with him, even though he was no big help in catching the fish, he also liked to run around the orchard and sit on the front porch to sleep, and Walt liked to sit beside him and think, scratching behind his fluffy ears. Sometimes he wondered if Sal liked dogs. What he'd say if he met his dog.

The other animals were intentional. Walt bought a couple of chickens to sell their eggs at the local farm, and to keep himself busy. Then he renovated the old barn as best as he could and bought three goats to sell their meat, but once he saw them in their pen, he decided they weren't going to the slaughter house and kept them for their milk instead. He also fixed up the orchard as best as he could and started collecting the apples. Soon the onslaught of apples was too much for him to handle and so he collected them in a few boxes, along with the chicken eggs and sold them to the nearest farm. Surprisingly, the people around town started knowing him once he started visiting the farm more frequently. He would have regular conversations with some of them and at some point, even started looking forward to see them. He didn't go to the town hall meetings, or to Sunday mass, and the people had been weary of him, but once they saw him with his dog and the boxes of apples in his trunk, they warmed up to him.

He enjoyed his new life. It wasn't luxurious, but that wasn't what he wanted for himself anyway. He was no Miguel Angel. He didn't need a fleet of private planes and a couple of hotels to be happy.

The phone rang again and reminded him of his current situation. The dog had stopped wagging it's tail on the couch beside him and was looking at him with his one eye, almost as if he was saying "what are you waiting for?"

And so Walt picked up the phone, fully expecting Jamie or Ed or someone else from the DEA to yell at him to get his ass back to Mexico.

"Hello... is this Walt Breslin?" The phone slipped from his grasp and fell, he caught it in his suddenly sweaty palms, pressing the shell back against his ear. Three years silence could not erase the memory of that voice. Hushed conversations between them, hiding behind a parked car as they watched over a suspect, a gasp and then a low moan, while Walt kept hitting that one spot inside him, that set Sal's body on fire, a chatty conversation over two mugs of steaming coffee in a diner that ended with both of them laughing hysterically. Walt had enough memories for an entire lifetime with that voice, he would recognize it anywhere.

"Sal-" He breathed, rearranging the phone against his ear.

"Is- Walt is that you? Oh my god- fuck- I found you!" There was a short pause on the other end of the phone and for a moment Walt thought he was imagining things, then Sal's voice returned. "I- I'm sorry, Walt. I'm so sorry-" He sobbed, apologizing over and over.

"Sal- How did you find me? Wh- Are you alright? Is- do you need help?"

"No, no, I'm fine, Walt. I am. I just- fuck- I missed you so much. Where are you? I called you're old address so many times- I thought something happened to you…"

"Shh, I'm okay. I'm in Colorado. Small town near Denver. I'll give you the address… That is… If you want me to…"

"Yes! I mean... yes I want- I want to see you. If that's okay. I need to- need to know you're okay."

He contemplated with himself wether to ask this or not, but in the end, Walt did it anyways. "It's been three years, Sal. Why did you never call? What's changed?" Another sobb from the other end of the line. "I'll tell you. In person. Friday? Is that okay for you?" Walt squinted at his calendar. Friday was in two days, he needed to clean the house, buy some groceries and pack the car for Sunday's apple delivery.

"Yeah, Friday works."

"Alright. I'll see you on Friday… Walt… I missed you."

"… Missed you too Sal."

He put the phone down slowly, feeling like he was still in a dream. The dog had noticed something was off about his behavior and was staring at him in concern. " 's alright bud, I'm just… surprised, is all. We'll meet a friend of mine on Friday. I hope you'll like him…"

Lost in his thoughts, Walt began his evening routine, closing the chicken pen, checking on the goats and refilling the dogs food in case he got hungry during the night, only when the brown cibbles hit the kitchen tiles did he notice his thoughts slipping off. The only thing on his mind was Sal. Sal with his kind face and the warm, dark brown eyes, Sal wrapping an arm around his hips and pulling him closer, Sal whispering into Walt's ear. A hushed love confession neither of them dared to talk about. So, so many memories they shared between them, how was he supposed to wait any longer to see him again?

Friday couldn't come soon enough.

[lucifers-horror-harem]

You said in the tags you like “Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare” most of the fandom seems to hate it so could you talk about why you like it?

OKAY ANON U ASKED FOR IT AND IMMA GIVE IT TO YOU

Honestly? I’m someone who enjoys movies that aren’t perfect, movies that are so bad that they’re good, or movies that are simply enjoyable for their entertainment value. Freddy’s Dead certainly isn’t on the level of the original in regards to being a really solid and well-crafted film. But I find it has great entertainment value as well as having some really great moments that are often overlooked because of the hate for the movie.

Now a lot of people go back and forth about how giving Freddy more of a backstory and revealing having a daughter ruins his character but honestly? It adds another interesting layer to his character for me, especially because Maggie Boroughs is a really strong character and works as a good foil against her father. Is it a weak element to add to his backstory overall? Maybe, but I enjoy it so it doesn’t really bother me. Maggie keeps my interest and is a really great final girl, and the fight between her and Freddy at the end is always one of my faves.

Also, can we talk about how the film that is probably the most comedic overall in the series, (basically Freddy meets Looney Tunes), it has one of the darkest moments of the entire series, in my opinion? When Tracy is finally subjected to Freddy’s torment, we get this really gross, dingy, horrifyingly brutal setting as well as paints the sexual abuse she received at the hands of her father early in life. And how she overcomes her own nightmare by beating her father to death with the tea kettle and then screaming, finally doing to him what she’s always wished she could have done, almost a catharsis through her dream. Legit she’s one of my fave characters and it’s a scene that always affects me when I rewatch.

In defense of the humor, can I just say that while I know humor is subjective, I just find this movie fucking hilarious? So many dumb jokes, Freddy’s very dark humor, random cameos by Roseanne and Tom Arnold and Alice Cooper as Freddy’s stepfather (which is PERFECT by the way i love my man alice), plus Johhny Depp getting smacked by Freddy with the frying pan. THE MAP SAYS WE’RE FUCKED! And of course the fUCKING POWERGLOVE!!!

Side note, while everyone is allowed to like or dislike this movie for any reason, I find myself getting defensive when I hear people trash talk Rachel Talalay or anything like that. I used to be a part of a Freddy fanpage on facebook that was so popular that even the actors were a part of the group and sometimes interacted, and the number of fucking dudebros that were like RACHEL TALALAY RUINED THE FREDDY FRANCHISE (this was before the remake came out btw). And that pissed me off because for one films are a collaborative effort, and two because of COURSE people dogpile on one of the few female-directed horror films at the time and acting like she had no reason to direct the film. Rachel Talalay has so many credits to her name and tons of experience, not to mention she was with the nightmare franchise SINCE THE BEGINNING and made her way up the ladder until she became a fucking director like New Line Cinema was a studio that gave a shit about their people and tried to foster that creativity. So yeah all in all I get mad when people sum up Freddy’s Dead critiques to simply being potshots at Rachel Talalay. I won’t fuck with that sort of bs.

God I could go on forever about Freddy’s Dead, like legit I would have a ball writing an article or something lengthy about the entire thing, but yeah these are some of my major reasons for enjoying the movie. Seriously, it’s one that I can put on and know it will make me smile. Thanks for letting me ramble on about this!

[hp-fanfic-archive]

an introductory rec list (that no one asked for) to some of my favorite ships: wolfstar [1/10]

First fic I read for the pairing: Where Rain And Smoke Mingle by smallestbird [1k,T] It doesn't matter if they've disowned you, they're still your family. It doesn't matter how often you walk away, it still hurts. [it’s a bit dreary, but the writing style is so nice and i’m a big sucker for hurt/comfort]

Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Of Brothers and Boyfriends by Amuly [38k,E] There’s no summary on the fic, but, essentially, Remus and Sirius’s secret relationship gets found out and things get… complicated. (warning for homophobia) [My note on my ao3 bookmark pretty much sums up how I feel about this fic: Honestly one of my favorites (and one of the stories that really got me hooked on Wolfstar tbh) and I've read it at least eight times. However, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the homophobic James Potter (even though he does come around).]

Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Text Talk by merlywhirls [141k,Not Rated] Sirius is in boarding school, Remus is in hospital, and they don't know each other until Sirius texts the wrong number. (warnings for homophobia, mentions of abuse, and homophobic language) [One of the earlier fics I read and it’s always just been one of my favorites, even though it’s been 3 years since I read it for the first time.] Harry Potter and the Live Laugh Love Sign in the Basement by loudestfandomsoftheworld [24k,T] Harry spends his summer with his fugitive godfather and his former professor who is a jobless werewolf. It's probably the best summer he's ever had. [The humor, the characterizations, their relationships, it’s all so fucking perfect!!] Go East [+Podfic] by xinasvoice [84k,E] Remus has been running for a long time. Eventually, he runs into a strange castle built by a wizard and his young apprentice. The longer he stays, the more secrets he uncovers...and the less he wants to leave. This is a novel-length adventure story that loosely follows the plot of Howl's Moving Castle. It does not require knowledge of the HMC book or movie to enjoy it. [it made me laugh, it made me cry, and it’s plot is based on one of my all time favorite movies? 11/10] Of Queries and Quarantines by MoonCat457 [51k,E] LUPIN.RJ: James, WHY? POTTER.JF: Because you’re the one currently doing the job, so it makes sense that you’d be the one to train the person hired to take your place. LUPIN.RJ: No, I mean why is Monty hiring a new editor in the middle of a fucking pandemic? POTTER.JF: An old friend of mine is in a tough spot and needs a job, so of course, dad is helping him out. - - - - OR A story set in the middle of the pandemic in which Sirius is hired at the Potter’s publishing company and Remus is responsible for training him. Lots of texting, lots of video calls, lots of mutual pining, and a lot of really bad literature quotes. [i’ve largely avoided quarantine au fics, but sometimes they’re so well-written and hilarious and also a texting fic and i accidentally fall in love with them, so here we are.]

Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: There Is No Man, However Wise by enigmaticblue [87k,T] It’s 1988, Sirius has Harry, and possession is nine-tenths of the law. [i adore a good raising harry au and i also adore the premise of the series this is in and i also adore the writing story and characterizations. 10/10]

Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: High School AU: Likewise Variable by ssstrychnine [28k,T] James has plans, Peter is the nurse, Sirius keeps fake blood up his sleeves, and Remus just tries to stay alive. [i first read this fic in 2017 and it still lives rent free in my mind. it’s hilarious, a perfect characterization of the marauders (even tho it’s a muggle modern high school au) and adding shakespeare? just icing on the fucking cake. it’s excellent.] University AU: Wannabe Your Lover by Maraudererasmut & shadow_prince [15k,M] Somewhere in America, Fall of 1997 - Returning to University, James refused to room with Sirius in the wake of The Great Cheez-it Battle of '96. They must adjust to living with someone new, Mr. Potter worried they'd both get scurvy, James unsuccessfully continued trying to court one Lily Evans, Snape got what was coming to him, and Sirius was the most confused of them all. [this is the university experience we all wish we had, lowkey. aside from the hilarity that comes from having the marauders in a fic, it’s just cute and well-written and i love it (and southern remus??? it’s everything i never knew i needed.] Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin Remus): Half Agony, Half Hope by Barry_Manilows_Wardrobe [21k,E] A tale wherein Sirius Black loses 750 House Points for Gryffindor. But it’s totally worth it. [listen, if, before i read this fic, you asked me if remus could’ve been a slytherin, my answer would have been “perhaps but probably not.” now, however, yeah. 100%. it’s hilarious, it’s novel (which i love to see), but it’s still the same remus and sirius and it’s excellent.] Haunted House AU: Another Day in the Sun by REwrites [19k,T] Is it haunted? I suppose that depends on who is telling the story. [really really excellent and a little haunting (pun entirely intended). it’s romantic and sweet and a little bittersweet but i adore it.]

WIP(s) I really love for the pairing: We Were Infinite by WolfstarPups90 [336k,E] “The Marauders aren’t something that will just go away once we graduate.” James continued, taking a more serious tone and addressing not only Remus, but the fear that they all had found recently in the back of their minds about what may become of them outside the walls of Hogwarts. “We’re a family. We’ve proven that again and again, haven’t we? We’re forever. Unstoppable. We’re infinite.” The full story of The Marauders from September 1st 1971 - October 31st 1981. (Heavily centered around Wolfstar and Jily in later chapter) [the first WIP i ever read (usually i stick to completed works, but this was being pretty regularly updated when i started reading it and also it’s fucking iconic so what can i say?)] Of Leaves and Stars by irrationalmoony & LadyAmina [273k,T] Almost a year out of Hogwarts, Lily finally manages to convince Sirius and James to get more acquainted with muggle technology and buy phones. Sirius, of course, texts the wrong number. [everyone is queer! (as they well should be). also: is it complete? no. has that stopped me from reading it twice? also no.]

Favorite Series for the pairing: TransVerse by picascribit [30k,E,2 works] Canon-divergent AU in which Remus is a transgender boy instead of being a werewolf. (warnings for underage, transphobia, internalized transphobia, bullying, self-harm) [i am a trans remus stan and this series is iconic, but also heed the tags kids.]

Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: Once in a Blue Moon by FullMoonDreams [408k,M] In a world where Remus never received his Hogwarts invitation and Sirius wasn't accepted by the Gryffindors the two lonely boys become friends. A story beginning in their first year, and continuing right through Hogwarts and beyond. RLSB. [this fic emotionally ruined me,,, but like,,, in a good way, you know? i will probably never reread it because i cried for hours the first time, but the plot does live rent free in my mind (and i do have a playlist of songs that remind me of it).]

Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Matchmaking: Pining, Parchment, Plotting, and Pranks by KayBee1762 [12k,T] “Idea parchment,” James said. He unfolded it and smoothed it out. “You want to get them together, right? That’s why you came to me?” “Yeah,” Lily huffed, which was ridiculous because he was right, that’s why she came to him. But it was supposed to be her idea, because she wanted to help her dear friend Remus, not James or Sirius. But it was so nice to be able to talk about this with someone, and James looked so pleased and excited. “Good,” James said. “Good, because they need to get together, they would be so happy and so good together, and Sirius will stop sighing like a lovesick puppy and just snog him instead.” In which Lily considers changing Houses, James blushes a lot, Sirius is his usual dramatic self, Remus mopes, and Peter knew everything all along. [the marauders (especially james and lily) trying to play matchmaker is one of my favorite instances of the classic matchmaking trope.] Road Trips + Bed Sharing: Of Comets and Counter-Examples by Woldy [5k,T] If the past is a foreign country, can travel help to resolve a troubled history? Dumbledore assigns Remus and Sirius a mission to explore three European cities, or perhaps to find each other. [a lovely tale of travel, reunions, comfort, friendship, and self-rediscovery. plus, travel, bed sharing, and friends to lovers??? yeah] Matchmaking (again): In The Middle by Blossomwitch [3k,Not Rated] James is the natural confidant of both Remus and Sirius. When they both swear him to secrecy on the same topic, James is stuck watching his friends pine for each other without being able to say a word to bring them together. A lesser man might shrink from the challenge of finding a way to break his promise without breaking his promise, but not James Potter! [i already did a matchmaking trope fic i know but what can i say other than the trope fucking slaps and so does this fic.]

[punz4lyfe]

Professor Cerise SUCKS

TLDR: Cerise’s design is so lame, he’s hardly involved, he just seems so incredibly lazy, and he’s just plain awful in his job.

Hello, all you people of planet earth. Today, I’m going to talk about a character from Pokemon Journeys: Professor Cerise. And why he sucks. So let’s just get this started.

Reason #1: Design

Firstly, let’s take a good look at Professor Cerise, and already I’m incredibly annoyed. Look down below and pay close attention to Cerise’s design, and then do the same to Oak’s design.

Do you see it? Can you see where I’m going to go? That’s right...

From too identical clothing to almost similar hair styles, Cerise’s general design is way too similar to Oak’s. Why? Does he have some kind of huge admiration for Professor Oak that he dresses up in a similar fashion in hopes of one day being as highly regarded as him? Why would you do this to us, anipoke?

Are they trying to do the whole Red-Blue motif that Journeys has been doing with Ash and Goh? Oak hardly appears, so I don’t see why they would do that, but even if they did, it would be mess. Because of his colors, Cerise would represent the blue of the motif, but Ash represents that as well, so it would make more sense to have Ash and Oak both represent the red motif since they’re both the veterans to Goh and Cerise respectively. Also, isn’t Ash supposed to be the anime version of the game verse’s Red. I’m already getting a headache from this, so let’s move on.

Anywayz, Cerise’s design just seems so unoriginal that it hurts. I’m not kidding when I say that his entire family have way more unique designs compared to him. They, especially Chloe, also have way better personalities than him because I literally get nothing from this nerd.

Reason #2: What are you doing with your life, man?

As of now in Journeys, Cerise’s main involvement in the anime can be summed up as this:

“Hey. You two idiots. Go to this place and capture me some sweet Pokemonz. And no, I can’t go with you because I’m too busy sitting on my lazy butt, staring a oversized computer screens. Run along now.”

It gets even worse when you consider the fact that Ash, Goh, and his own son are more involved in Chloe’s life and trainer progression than he is. But going back to his main contribution to the series, he is apparently focused on studying as many Pokemon as he can, which also contributes to Goh’s goal of catching every mon out there, including Legendaries. So Professor Cerise, you’re apparently okay with a young kid catching powerful Legendaries so you can study them yourself at your lab away from their natural habitats where they could be needed? In a grander scale, you’re literally not that different from the many villains Ash has fought in both the series and the movies. Yes, you don’t want to hurt them and they could probably go back to their needed locations like Suicune did, but the fact that you still want to see them up-close and personal for your own little research still does seem a little selfish. Why can’t you go to these specific locations yourself? You are able to afford three children plane tickets everyday. The day where you set your sights on the Creation Trio or the Island Deities will be the day the world will really be in trouble.

Reason #3: Horrible, HORRIBLE Professor

Professor Cerise is supposed to be this series’ main professor, I get it. Doesn’t help that he completely SUCKS at his job.

Remember all those Gengar episodes? Apparently, Cerise knew of Gengar’s creepy tricks that occurred at the lab’s would-be location, and he continued to make his mark there anyway. It’s one thing to love a challenge and it’s another to be completely inconsiderate. What if your assistants have a fear of spooky apparitions? What if Gengar ended up attacking a Pokemon completely defenseless against it? You’re supposed to be smart, dude. At least act like it!

And now going to Ash and Goh, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to hire two little boys in the first. We know that Ash is capable as the audience, but literally the only reason you hired them was because they got lucky and ended up on a Lugia’s sweaty backside. Literally could’ve happened to anyone if they were there at the right time. If Jessie, James, or a random hobo ended up encountering Lugia, would you hire them, too? If I was writing anipoke, I would have Oak or Delia bring up Ash’s Champion status and the blatant fact that he has already traveled through almost every region known to man, and that would’ve been good enough for Cerise to recruit him. Goh would be easy, too. Just have Chloe, his only friend before Ash, reference him as someone very interested in Pokemon since school. Otherwise, Cerise just looks completely stupid and lazy.

Returning to the lab, remember Episode 23 when a food shortage occurred due to Skwovet’s Big Chungus appetite and many disputes happened afterwards? If you think about it, it’s kinda Cerise’s fault, too. Dude, you will potentially have over 800 monsters at your lab. You should be ordering food trucks by the dozen every day to keep everyone fed and satisfied. Ash and Goh are only kids, so why should the ENTIRE shibang be in their hands? You can afford these kids plane tickets every day. Use your money more wisely, nerdo.

Additionally, with so many species compacted into a single space, there are BOUND to be disputes. Plus, you are well aware of Ash’s goal and how often he trains and uses Goh’s fodder mons as training dummies. Why the heck haven’t you installed any healing machinery yet? As Episode 60 has shown, whenever Ash or Goh’s mons get injured, they have to take down out the lab and to the Pokemon Center, which is quite the distance away. Now with this in mind, Cerise, why the heck did you decide to have your lab so far away from the Pokemon Center in the first place?! Even taking Ash out of the equation, Pokemon will inevitably fight due to spacial disputes, food, or just for the fun of it. Clearly, you haven’t thought your whole career through. The day Goh catches a Zangoose and Seviper will be the day the lab falls into fire.

Final Points

So overall, Professor Cerise sucks. His design is so lame, he’s hardly involved, he just seems so incredibly lazy, and he’s just plain awful in his job. Why couldn’t Sonia or Professor Magnolia be this series’ main professors? Even though we haven’t seen them since the Darkest Day Arc, they at least have WAY better personalities and designs than Cerise could ever hope to have.

[fizzingwizard]

Yay it’s my favorite time of the week! Digimon Adventure:! Can’t believe we’re already at episode 16! This week somewhat recapped the mission we’ve been on for... 14 episdoes now x’D and I realized I forgot all kinds of shit. It’s so funny, when I was ten and watching Digimon Adventure I could remember everything, but now that I’m sadly an adult I can’t keep track of these high paced children’s shows!

(Supposedly they spoon feed kids stories so they can understand it more easily... but I gotta say I think I’m the one that needs the help, bahahaha)

ALSO... apparently there was an earthquake this morning! It was too north of me so I didn’t feel it (I was... also sleeping >-> so...) But it was right when the show started airing so the info came scrolling across the screen. At first it said

“Just in case, be careful of tsunami”

and like just three min or so later

“There is no need to worry about a tsunami due to this earthquake”

Phew! Also, Digimon causes earthquakes! Hide yo wife hide yo kids! Is that meme still current?? Does it matter???? I’m a millennial, boomers hate me, gen Z hates me, at least let me have my memes! XD

OK enough goofing off, on to what really matters, freaking Digimon man! This episode gave me tons of Taichi spam. Mmm my favorite kind of spam! But it also gave me avocado cheeseburger spam too!

So although I completely forgot about it, I was pretty excited for this ep when they allegedly return to the real world! Last week’s preview made it pretty obvious it was going to be either a fake reality or the evil Digimon had taken over the real world much more deeply than we realized. Fake reality made the most sense. But they tried to trip us up anyway! The opening shots are clear references to the famous episode 21 of 99 Adventure, although given that was the best animated episode of the entire show, this one just doesn’t do it justice.

He’s not sweating, the sun isn’t as intense... it just makes Fizz nostalgic

Finding them suddenly home, the kids are all pretty bewildered at first. Predictably, Mimi is the first to recover. What motivates her?

AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER! AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER!

From Burger Jack’s bahahahaha

Mimi starts excitedly listing all the things she wants to do now that they’re home. Aside from eat delicious burgers, she wants to take a shower, change clothes...

I’m like “Oh, so these kids HAVE been feeling the effects of how much traveling they’ve been doing!”

Seriously though why didn’t anyone comment on it before now?? In 99 Adventure most of the kids couldn’t shut up about the lack of basic necessities and creature comforts. It was really easy to feel how much they were struggling! Everyone in this series is so darn serious all the time. Sora even brought that big bag of emergency supplies but we only rarely see it get used.

Taichi and Koushirou are a little more wary, though they come across as mainly confused.

Mimi wants to go eat burgers right off, but Taichi convinces her they should go home first. “Oh yeah, I have parents” - Mimi, probably.

They get on a train. The Digimon are very cute. They finally notice that no one’s paying attention to them. It took 0.3 seconds for Tokyoites in ep 21 of 99 Adventure to start freaking out over Koromon, so this was a big clue if you somehow missed that there’s something not right.

On the other hand, for a world that is presumably an illusion created by some Digimon, it sure is, er...

... accurate in surprising ways, bahahaha

(no seriously did we NEED bikini girls?? did we NEED them? I know it’s everywhere on every train for all kinds of proucts but did we NEED them here)

(the TEEN 17 in particular is killing me)

Some gratuitous Taichi spam

Mimi lives in the affluent Shibuya area now so the kids split up to continue on home. I love Taichi called her ‘ojousama.’

Taichi wonders if Yamato and the others got home okay too. Koushirou wonders if whatever was causing the blackout has really been defeated. (Mimi’s theory is “Sora-san and the others must have done something about it!” Which I just liked because by naming her she identifies Sora as the one she feels closest to awww)

They won’t say it, but the truth is these two are kinda disappointed... lol

However they won’t be disappointed for long... because this midnight train really isn’t going anywhere. *wink* see what i did there

Mimi’s walk home has also turned into a labyrinth. Which is totally normal for Toyko subways really. Mimi gets so tired from walking that she starts hallucinating that Palmon’s head is in fact an avocado.

Girl you got a problem but no judging. I got the same problem.

AVOCADO BURGER!! Think of it in your heart and it will appear!

Now that’s not creepy at all.

Several episodes ago we learned that Mimi has never seen The Mummy. Apparently she’s never seen any horror movies at all, because she still approaches the counter to order her freaking burger even after seeing the cashier’s shadowy clearly evil visage.

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR LITTLE GIRL

On finally realizing that this train can’t go anywhere but Shibuya, Taichi and Koushirou get off and reunite with Mimi, who has learned nothing and continues talking to people. The only possible result of this is...

... creepy eyes appearing and trying to EAT her

Mimi: “Taichi-san!!”

she could ask her partner for protection but Taichi’s around and he’s everyone’s big brother so

The cause of all this mischief turns out to be this creepy dude! He’s kind of cute!

Also rather larger and more solid than I anticipated!

Of course this nightmare won’t end so easily.

You know you’re in for it when the walls are covered in glowing red eyes. That uh, shoot laser beams at you.

Cyclops: Not lasers! Concussive optic rays!

It turns out there wasn’t just one creepy dude, there were many. I’ve found my Halloween costume!

Our heroes finally figure out that this world is not their real world when they come across these tetris people.

For someone who’s never watched a single scary movie, Mimi does an impressive white-girl-in-a-horror-flick face.

I know she’s not white I’m saying she’s good at impressions she should become a comedienne

Now that we know the blackout in Japan is still ongoing and causing all sorts of issues, we get our usual peek into what’s going on for the people of Tokyo. We get to see Hikari! She’s cool as a cucumber. Her mom’s freaking out and packing a suitcase. Her mom says “Hikari go get ready!” Hikari just says “Oh I’m ready anytime!”

Hikari: I’m not worried about anything, big brother’s taking care of it!

Awww we get to see Miko! And that looks like a cat carrier <3 Mom’s not leaving their furry friend behind in the dark while they evacuate to grandpa’s place in Ibaraki...

... She is apparently cool with leaving behind her only son though! X’D

The letter reads “Taichi, we’re going to Grandpa’s place in Ibaraki. Call me when you get home.” The arrow says “Address.”

Ibaraki is a bit over an hour from Tokyo (I used to live there!) so not too far and very easy to get to by train. Still... there’s a huge power outage, I can only assume Mom’s reason here really is evacuation and not just “seems like a great time to go on a visit!” but she doesn’t know where one of her kids is and she’s just like “eh no worries he’ll figure out his way home!” Does she KNOW her son is 11? Japanese kids use trains very independently but again, POWER OUTAGE. ONE HOUR+ AWAY.

I’m remembering episode 1 when Taichi was acting like such a Dad and his mom was totally on board. Apparently that is going to be a Thing in their family. Taichi is the kid in Home Alone. Scratch that, he’s like the pets in Homeward Bound X’D

Mimi is understandably disappointed that she doesn’t get to shower... I mean see her parents... I mean, eat a freaking avocado cheeseburger

But Palmon knows how to make her feel better. “We’ll come back here someday and eat avocado cheeseburgers together.”

Mimi: “Heck YEAH I’m psyched!! AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER!”

this show understands the only true way to a woman’s heart is through food.

Our heroes are surrounded by Homunculus from FMA.

They merge together forming the aptly named EYESMON!!! lmao

Look at freaking long Greymon’s cyborg arm is. Whut.

AtlurKabuterimon gets hit by a train buhaahaha. Somehow this was way funnier to me than Lilymon getting hit by a plane or buildings falling on MetalGreymon.

The kids are outnumbered when look who appears!

The three of them sitting on Zudomon is the cutest thing ever also I JUST NOTICED ZUDOMON’S DOLPHIN PATCH WHAT THE HECK HAS THAT ALWAYS BEEN THERE!??!?!?!!?

So this was the reunion ep after all! I’m a little disappointed just because I wanted something more dramatic.

What Fizz, illusion magic and homunculi plus exploding Shibuya isn’t dramatic enough for you?

I mean EMOTIONALLY dramatic. Like, someone should hug.

Oh well. This is the face Taichi makes when he sees Yamato. D’aww. I guess i’ll be satisfied with this.

Yamato gets them started on a plan and they all fight as a group!! But Koushirou’s realized that this Digimon, whatever it is, is what’s causing the blackout. They can’t properly defeat it...

... and it’s already the night of the third day. Soon their 72 hour window will be up. Then Ariel will turn back into a Mermaid and the Sea Witch wins :’<

We end with an ominous digivolution! Next week....

Orochimon!!! I love multi headed monsters.

More Taiyama action!!! Lookin a bit beat up but still cool!

OK so in sum this episode was pretty fun. I still feel like the writers for this season just don’t dig in deep enough to really make things come alive. They’re so concerned with battles that they miss moments for fun character interactions etc. And in the end, the whole of this episode can be recapped simply as “They discover the world they’re in is an illusion and they fight the bad guy.” However, we got a lot of fun with Mimi in particular, and though we didn’t get the kind of Taishiro teamwork my heart yearns for, at least we saw them sticking together and hashing things out.

I really do hope this show dials up the character relationships a bit soon though. We keep getting tidbits so it’s not like they don’t have things planned. It’s just a matter of execution. Anyway I’m happy to have the whole group (well as many as we’ve got so far) together again!

[mst3kproject]

Light Blast

What’s this?  A death ray movie in which we actually see stuff get death rayed?  Aw, man, that might disqualify it for MST3K right there!  Fortunately for us, however, Light Blast was directed by Enzo Castellari, who brought us Escape 2000, and it stars Erik Estrada. Estrada was never on MST3K but he was on pretty much all the 70’s cop shows they kept referencing, including Mannix and Police Woman, and Mike and the bots would never have let him forget it.

So what do we want out of a death ray movie?  I dunno, some faces melting like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark would be cool, and Light Blast apparently read my mind on that count because we get the first melting face action before the ten minute mark! A couple of young people go to have sex in a boxcar (this scene includes a real classy upskirt shot, just three minutes in) while the bad guy tests his death ray, and in the fine tradition of kids just trying to bone at the beginning of movies, they get zapped.  Meanwhile, somewhere else, Erik Estrada in a speedo takes down a couple of bank robbers by hiding a gun inside a roast turkey.

This is gonna be a weird movie, isn’t it?

Sadly, Light Blast never again rises to that height of absurdity.  Evil Professor Yuri Svoboda has a death ray, and has decided to hold the city of San Francisco hostage for the princely sum of:

Was that even a lot of money in 1985?  According to dollartimes the conversion rate is about 2.5, so that would be $12.5 million today... still seems a little low for a major city.  Anyway.

To show he means business, Svoboda death rays the announcer’s box at a demolition derby.  Thence ensues a series of extremely uninspired car chases and a scene in which Estrada is repeatedly kicked in the avocados by a woman dressed as a nurse (I liked that bit).  Eventually he puts the pieces of the puzzle together, and never even bothers to tell us what the finished picture looks like before running off to what looks like it’ll be the final Power Plant Confrontation.  No such luck.  Svoboda escapes again, and Estrada has to chase him down to the final final confrontation.

There are two things here Castellari seems to really like. One is digital clocks, which are frequently the focus of the death ray for some reason.  The other is men staggering around on fire, filmed in the type of loving slow motion that turns this agonizing death into a moment of over-dramatic hilarity.  Remember in the Making Of Documentary for Return of the King, when Peter Jackson acknowledges that Denethor falling off the top of Minas Tirith while on fire is ridiculous?  Enzo Castellari is definitely not that self-aware.

He is also fond of car chases.  There are three or four of them in Light Blast and they’re competent, I guess.  They’re definitely better than the budget version you sometimes see in really cheap movies, in which the camera turns to watch one vehicle pass by, then repeats the shot with another.  There was probably a storyboard and so forth.  But they’re still pretty monotonous and mostly just look like people driving around with no sense of a destination or a narrative.  Instead, the movie tries to add interest by giving them ‘gimmicks’.

In one of the chases, Estrada doesn’t want the villain to know he’s being followed, so rather than using his own vehicle, he just hops into random people’s cars and makes them do the following.  In one he shows his badge and tells the driver he’s a cop. In another he tells the woman driving that he’s playing a practical joke on a friend from college.  Astonishingly, he never gets slapped or shot.

In another, he steals a race car in order to chase down Svoboda, who is fleeing to a boat from which he plans to death ray the entire city or something.  This chase includes two separate shots in which Estrada jumps the race car over some obstacle in his way, again filmed in slow motion.  In neither was there any sort of ramp to get the car off the ground. It’s like that scene in Speed where the fucking bus somehow jumps over a gap in the highway except they did it twice and slowly to give the audience time to think about how stupid it is. Then Estrada jumps the car again onto Svoboda’s boat, which has already left the dock, and somehow manages to stop on a dime rather than falling into the water.

I recognize that movies are not bound by the laws of physics, but those that get away with breaking them do so by walking a fine line. Things have to look possible. People running away from explosions looks like it should work, and very few of us have ever been in a position to find out what it’s actually like first-hand (partly because those of us who have probably didn’t live to tell about it).  The car jumps?  Nah.

Wikipedia includes a couple of reviews of this film that have been translated, not very well, from Italian.  They’re kind of hard to understand but they do seem to fixate on the preponderance of car chases.  They also reference another staple of 80’s action movies, which is excessive police brutality.  Estrada shoots a whole bunch of people, breaks into a power plant and a funeral home, steals cars, causes a dozen accidents and untold property damage, and bullies his girlfriend into risking her job in order to get him the information he needs.  Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

Other clichés drift by.  The villain gives a pretty classic monologue all about how he Showed Those Fools At The Academy and how his death ray will make him supreme ruler of the world and he’ll bring about a new age of peace.  There’s a bit where Estrada and his partner, the Tall Guy (these characters do have names, I just don’t care) sit down at the kitchen table and put together what they’ve learned… but instead of some exposition to tell us, the audience, what that is, we get a Ryan And Shane Look For Forrest Fenn’s Treasure montage but without the irony.  We can just barely hear fragments of voices through this, as the characters talk about it… enough to tease us with what they know and we don’t.

I dunno, it’s possible the audience is supposed to have already figured this stuff out and I just wasn’t paying attention.  I was pretty bored during most of this movie.

During the montage, the bad guys sneak up outside Estrada’s house (which is on a boat?  I think?) and open fire, basically shooting everybody but Estrada himself, who escapes completely unharmed.  His personality-deficient girlfriend isn’t so lucky… but she was only in this movie so it would have a part for Estrada’s real-life girlfriend Peggy Rowe. This bit is right up there with The Phantom Creeps as a perfect example of why Women In Fridges is screenwriting for hacks.  Estrada is already determined to get these guys.  He already cares about the people they’ve killed in the past and the ones they plan to kill in the future!  He is already frustrated by his failures to catch them!  ‘Making it personal’ is completely unnecessary!  Did the writers really think her death would add anything, or were they just trying to fill up their Action Movie Cliché Bingo card?

In the villain’s evil monologue, Svoboda reveals that apparently Estrada killed his wife?  I guess she was the mortician?  This doesn’t help, because I don’t think Svoboda actually knows that Estrada’s girlfriend is dead and even if he does, she wasn’t his target. His henchmen were after Estrada and Tall Guy.

Then there’s the ending, which is in no way a ‘climax’ and barely even counts as an ‘end’.  Remember I said Estrada jumps his racecar onto Svoboda’s boat?  This knocks the death ray over and it melts Svoboda himself.  Estrada watches this, then basically just shrugs and walks the fuck away.  So… that was it?  No confrontation?  No fight? Just a failure to properly secure the superweapon?

Isn’t the rest of the boat gonna melt now, too?  In previous uses the death ray seemed to melt things over a fairly wide area.  Isn’t anyone worried about that?  No, we’re just rolling the credits?  Okay, fine. At least the movie’s over.

Is there anything nice I can say about Light Blast? Well… I guess it passes the Bechdel Test.  There’s a bit, completely irrelevant to the plot, where two women who work at the police station discuss perfume.  It’s as if one of the writers had read about the Bechdel Test and shoved that in there just to pass it, without bothering to think about what the point of the ‘test’ is.

For all I’ve bitched about it, Light Blast isn’t a full on disaster.  It’s merely a mediocre 80’s action movie.  What makes it so damn disappointing is the wackiness of that early scene with Estrada in his underwear and the gun in the turkey.  That bit has the same effect as naming your movie Hercules Against the Moon Men – it gives the audience the impression that you have a sense of humour, and then the rest of the film can be nothing but the slow downward spiral of realizing that you were, in fact, serious.  Even then, it still could have been fun if the writers and director had kept up that kind of cheese throughout but no… Light Blast couldn’t even be bad enough to be good.

If any of you MSTies reading this are aspiring film-makers, let this be the lesson for you: the introduction of your main character sets the tone.  Do that wrong, or in a way that doesn’t match the rest of your movie, and you’re sunk. And if you only have one interesting or funny idea, for love of Apearlo put that at the end of the movie, not the beginning!

[letterboxd]

One in a Kajillion.

Kajillionaire writer and director Miranda July tells Ella Kemp about soap suds, pink nails, Evan Rachel Wood’s impressive tuck-and-roll skills, and the playfulness of queer culture. “What is natural is pretty up for grabs.”

Welcome to the world of Miranda July: marshmallow-pink soap bubbles leak through the walls, love is transactional, Bobby Vinton’s ‘Mr. Lonely’ is our national anthem. The indomitable and elusive auteur—also performance artist, actor, novelist, mother and musician—has gifted the world her third feature as director, Kajillionaire, a heist movie, love story and family portrait all wrapped up in a delicate, if a little lopsided, bow.

July stays firmly behind the camera here, after taking lead roles in her first two feature-length films, Me And You And Everyone We Know and The Future. But the filmmaker’s voice is so sharp that her absence is never felt, as we watch Evan Rachel Wood, Gina Rodriguez, Debra Winger and Richard Jenkins bring her story to life. “There’s lots of parts of my other movies I’m not in, and if anything it’s a hassle when I’m in it,” July tells us over the telephone. “My leading ladies were one hundred percent dedicated here, whereas I would have to shift back and forth, so there’s really no sense of loss.”

Writer-director Miranda July on the set of ‘Kajillionaire’.

Those leading ladies begin with Wood as Old Dolio. She is the daughter of Theresa (Winger) and Robert (Jenkins), who have raised her with the thrill of a heist in her heart. The family dynamic is all business; the unit functions as a mob crew, forever planning the next con. This gives Old Dolio a laser focus on the job, and a painfully obvious lack of tenderness in her life. It’s when the family meets Melanie (Rodriguez) during an ambitious con that Old Dolio’s world cracks open. While her parents see Melanie—all heat and curves—as an asset to their schemes, Old Dolio—lank hair and shapeless clothes—feels something else, something she doesn’t yet recognize.

Those familiar with Wood’s work elsewhere might be taken aback. Old Dolio is immediately and consistently unpredictable, with a chilly lack of emotion that comes from simply not knowing where to find it. She has clearly been raised in an environment that prioritizes hustle over love, and this converges in Wood’s voice: a low, monotone register that’s never questioned on screen, and which somehow feels entirely normal for July’s uncanny world, but surely hides something potent to be explored.

“I would have never asked an actor to do that,” July says of Wood’s register-change. “It seems a bit too much, and really risky.” That’s surprising: July’s films, with their brazen singularity and offbeat humor, could be the sort that would savor such a vocal transformation as a playful quirk. It’s refreshing and illuminating to hear how, actually, it was a perfect coincidence. “When we were rehearsing, Evan said that her original register was that much lower, but she used to get vocal nodules and so trained her voice higher, which is the one people know now,” July explains. “But she said she was just as comfortable being lower, so I asked if she could stay there for the whole film. I noticed right away when she dropped down, she dropped into character.”

Gina Rodriguez, Richard Jenkins and Evan Rachel Wood in ‘Kajillionaire’.

Although July will never reveal all her secrets, nothing happens by chance. Old Dolio’s voice exemplifies Kajillionaire’s careful understanding of fluid, curious sexuality that survives and thrives in the spaces where people are just figuring things out. It’s not about seducing, but learning and adapting. “Voices, like hair, are things that we play with at different times in our life,” says July. “Certainly in queer culture, it wouldn’t be unheard of for someone to deepen their voice, consciously or with hormones. I like that it’s a little surprising. What is natural is pretty up for grabs.”

Debra Winger, too, is unrecognizably compelling. As entertaining as Kajillionaire’s characters are, there’s a faint air of menace about Theresa and Robert, as they always and only have one thing on their minds. “The actors took flight,” July explains. “They did so much I couldn’t have expected, and for someone like me who is so used to doing things all alone, that feels like gold.”

Comedy breathes through both July’s whip-smart script and her actors’ precision-engineered physicality. Theresa, Robert and Old Dolio tense up in the same way to process their fear of flying, they limbo along a very specific part of a street to avoid making eye contact with their landlord. “I don’t know how to do a tuck-and-roll, I can’t do the limbo like Evan can!” July laughs. “There were things I had come up with that were almost abstract, but she could do everything and take it really far.”

The relationship between Old Dolio and Melanie is just as disorienting as the one between Old Dolio and her parents, and between her parents and Melanie. Old Dolio attends parenting classes to better understand the ways her parents behave; Melanie offers to fill that gap for a very specific sum of money; Theresa and Robert search for ways to understand pleasure, to feel that they, as individual people, matter in a world lived on the outskirts of ‘normal’.

Richard Jenkins, Debra Winger and Evan Rachel Wood in ‘Kajillionaire’.

It’s why Bobby Vinton’s 1962 heartbreaker ‘Mr. Lonely’ feels like a perfect hymn for these odd souls to explore what they’re missing. The familiar theme returns throughout the film, and there’s now a cover of the track by Angel Olsen on an ‘inspired by’ record. Olsen adds a sense of guttural melancholy that still has bite. The cover was the idea of Kajillionaire composer Emile Mosseri (who changed the game with his work on The Last Black Man in San Francisco).

“Not many people can sing like that,” July says. “We were sending each other some of her songs while shooting anyway, just as inspiration. It’s very modern when sung by a woman, and of course in the film Old Dolio is Mr. Lonely—but you don’t get the gender twist of it when it’s sung by Bobby Vinton.”

Mosseri’s own ethereal score—an orchestral, very old-Hollywood waltzing theme—makes so much of the film feel like a projection of make-believe, dotted with images that could only be plucked from our unconscious. But, July says: “None of these images literally come from dreams.” (Although she admitted earlier this year that the name Old Dolio came from a friend’s dream about a list of cat names).

Still, detailing the poetry behind a key ethereal image, the filmmaker’s curiosity and sensitivity is undeniable. “There is something very sexy to me about those pink nails coming off,” she says of a scene in which Old Dolio carefully peels off Melanie’s acrylics one by one, as a swirling soundtrack fills the air and the light in a grubby diner turns golden. “I was always trying to find ways that Old Dolio could be in a little over her head and accidentally show her cards, even though she might be fighting against her feelings about Melanie. I guess those nails would seem entirely foreign to her, so she would approach them in this animal way.”

We feel compelled to ask July about another unshakeable image: the glittering suds that Old Dolio and her parents face every day in the rented office space they call home, oozing through the walls from the business next door. Does it make sense? Will it ever be fixed? Can you love something so destructive?

“I was trying to figure out why the rent would be cheap enough for them to afford that place,” July says, matter of fact. “There would have to be something really wrong with it. But then I thought, why not make it beautiful also?” And it’s as simple as that. Something inherently wrong, inexplicable, still so luxurious it stays lodged in your brain. Such is the slippery, effervescent brilliance of Miranda July and Kajillionaire.

Related content

Miranda July’s favorite films

Dominic Corry’s interview with Miranda for Letterboxd’s Sundance 2020 coverage

I May Destroy You: Michaela Cole’s series is Miranda’s recommendation for what to watch after you’ve watched Kajillionaire

Follow Ella Kemp on Letterboxd

‘Kajillionaire’ is in US theaters where possible now, in UK theaters on October 9, and will be on video on demand on October 16.

[adventuringsidhe]

A Discovery of Witches Season 2 - I Have Issues With This Season!

Before anyone gets defensive, I do like this show. It’s not my favourite TV show, but I’ve been very reserved in liking a show too much after Game of Thrones. Seriously, that show ruined my way of enjoying a show forever. The last two season, whatever you felt about GOT, in terms of storytelling, it was a disaster and decisions made within it were stupid and non-sensical. But I digress (even thinking about it makes me irritated). 

A Discovery of Witches Season 2 was a long, drawn out bore fest. If I’m to sum it up, that is how it felt. There is one thing that really bothered me more than anything by the last episode and this may seem trivial but it made me dislike the main characters (which I was struggling to like throughout this whole season anyway).

Jack.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, in season two, Diana brings a little orphan boy into her and Matthew’s tudor home, feed him and gives him a place to stay. They then go on throughout the entire season to allowing him to grow attached like family to them (we’re talking months here if not over a year). Give him education, reading, and caring for him at night when he has night terrors etc. Basically adopting him. So, why am I so bothered? Well, by the end of the season, Diana is pregnant, and their going back to the present. So they just say their goodbyes to Jack and leave.

That pissed me off so badly I can’t reconcile with them as characters. It was obvious he had grown attached to them, bonded, and basically like family, even mother and father to him, only for him to be left behind by them. I think that is pretty shitty no matter how you look at it. Whether intentional or not, they brought him into their home and treated him like their own child, but then at the last moment because they’ve to come back into the present era, they leave him. I don’t know, but I just found that whole story line a little shitty. Jack had no family and was living on the streets, stealing because he was hungry, only for this couple to give him a home and only later abandon him again. Shitty.

It honestly reminded me of that Youtube couple who adopted a child that had needs, only to ‘return’ him a while later because they couldn’t cope with him, while giving a sob story and a few tears.

I was struggling to like Matthew throughout this whole season, he acted really shitty towards Diana, which bothered me so much, and it was all played down as ‘protecting her’. Bsht. ‘But look how good he was with Jack?’ Yeah, that was the only good thing about him this season, and then made worse by his easy disconnection when they had to leave by the end of it.

I know some fans will disagree with me and excuse this behaviour because their from the future and Jack is from Tudor times, so blah blah reasons. I get it, you love these characters, but I just didn’t this season, and major flaws in their ‘good’ persona broke through which just weren’t nice at all.

So yeah, I didn’t appreciate them taking in an orphan and making him feel like family, only to abandon him at the last moment because you got to return to the future and you’re pregnant. Kinda shitty in my opinion.

Matthew - Blood Rage.

Never mentioned in the first season, and honestly - it was such a lame thing. Another vampire series where you never see the vampire’s teeth. This is getting boring and kind of childish. A series that has magic, blood, violence, sexual moments, doesn’t have vampire teeth? Boring. Sorry not sorry. The vampires in this world are boring, not scary, not even interesting. Matthew is made out to be a good vampire, who restrains himself, blah blah crap, but honestly - I have more connection to Lestat, Lois, Claudia, Blade, Stefan, Eric, Pam even Bill (William Compton) etc. Matthew though? No, he just wasn’t as good this season. They tried to make him have a ‘issue’ because of the time, etc, but I just thought he was a bit of an dick. Blood rage also was a poor excuse and given a modern plot too, with some character had blood rage, along with Marcus. Anyway, I just didn’t like him this season or the whole ‘blood rage’ excuse.

Diana.

Look, I appreciated the whole ‘’They’re not teenagers’’ thing when it came to this show, same with True Blood. I hate teenage romances or that follow teenagers around as if they have more years of experience than a 30 something. I appreciate the change of audience, the maturity, the complexity, the lived in past, all those things that come with older characters that I can relate too so much more than a teenager. Which is why I like vampire shows like True Blood, movies like Interview with the Vampire, Blade, Vampire Hunter D etc. They are fantastic, deeply complex characters with amazing stories.

Diana though...meh. I was so into the magic thing in the first season, what drew me to it, not the vampires (lost interest once I knew I wouldn’t see the teeth). However, this season, I’m so over the ‘’must protect Diana’’ thing, I just found myself nodding off in parts. She’s treated like a sacred divine being, and the only one of her kind. Those ‘’chosen one’’ stories can be intriguing in some cases like Harry Potter, who, grew over time and had complex emotions about it, and he did suffer immensely for being the ‘’one’’. Diana however, this season - is a bit of a bitch. A know it all. A little too smug. 

I’m also tired of the whole ‘’rich vampire who played a role in major historical things’’. The rich vampire who can give you the world is a nice thought, but I don’t like it all that much, it just makes it harder to buy into the whole secrecy, living in the shadows stuff. It seems everyone in Tudor times knows about Vampire, Witches and Daemons, so...a bit weird honestly.

Diana getting pregnant I knew was coming, as its apparently in the books too (not into the books, sorry). But, it’s another cliché like Twilight. Honestly, this is very similar to Twilight but their older. Yeah. And Diana has magic and apparently the most powerful being on the planet. I get that their these incredibly intertwined lovers who were destined for each other across time and space, which is all nice and everything, but Jesus....is their no one else or anything else important to them at all? I also thought it was cheap as f**k bringing Diana’s dad in at the last moment, as this emotional weight, which just didn’t do it for me at all. It’s really sad to say this but I lost all connection to Diana this season, and to their love story. It fizzled out faster than my lemonade when I leave it to sit in a warm spot.

The Other Characters

Their really wasn’t that much time with them at all to bond with. Marcus’s relationship with the auctioneer woman? That escalated quickly. Seriously, one moment their having a one night stand, to the next, he tells her all the secrets of his world and bringing her to France and meeting Ysabeau. Is he planning on staying with her forever now? Like what is going on there? No interest.

I wanted to know more about this baby born of Daemons but damn they left it so late and gave so little time and by the end it’s hard to care about everything. These stories really need to stop trying to add multiple characters and stories into a just one story. Just make one story. Not several packed into a main one. Flesh it out better, slower with other characters. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love the aesthetic of this world, the design, the beauty of it. Even the magic is interesting, to a point, if a little simple for my taste. I do appreciate what they’re trying to do, but once again the stories fall flat, the characters become distant to the audience (talking of myself, maybe others don’t feel that way), and not relatable at all. This is fantasy, and we can’t related in many ways, but their lives, choices and feelings do make it relatable. I remember watching Interview with the Vampire and seeing how much consequences Lois’ choices caused him, it was devastating because you knew Lois had to make a choice which wasn’t always right and it burdened him immensely. Even as bad as the last few seasons of True Blood were, their were heavy, heavy consequences on all the characters for everything that had happened throughout the show and all the years.

This show just felt very Twilight by this second season, and as much as Twilight is okay back in the day, now it feels outdated in terms of relationships, intimacy, toxicity, danger, and other things important to us in terms of love, romance, family and friendship. 

Another tv show I’ve been disappointed in unfortunately, like Game of Thrones, Outlander (even though the standard is still there, the story has gone off too far not for me to hold interest anymore), are but a few that I was really into and then slowly they veered off course and so did my love for them. Same with A Discovery of Witches, which is only in its 2nd season but already it feels flat.

Anyway, rant over lol! Only my opinion, you can love it or not, just a random opinion on a personal tumblr page.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Wizard of Oz Queen x pre-teen reader Chap. 9; There’s no place like home

*Author’s note*

The final chapter has arrived! This was the chapter I had completed last night that finally put this wonderful series to an end. I enjoyed writing this cute little Movie AU series. For now I’m going to take a break from writing movie AU’s and finally get back to requests that I’ve had on hold for like a year now. So enjoy this final chapter of the Wizard of Oz Queen style  and until the next time I update :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@queensdivas​

@queendeakyy​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@platawnic​

@kairosfreddie​

@geek-and-proud​

____________________________________________________________

When we arrived back at the Emerald City, news of the Warlock of the West’s death had already gotten to the city and everyone was in rejoice at our return.  We were immediately escorted back to the throne room of the Great Oz and when he saw us, he seemed surprised.

“Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?” Scarecrow handed me the broomstick and I walked forward and presented the Great Oz with the broomstick.

“We’ve done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Warlock of the West. We melted him.” I said as I set the broomstick down at the top of the staircase.

“Ahh you liquidated him ehh? Very resourceful.” The Wizard hummed.

“Yes sir. So…. we’d like it if you kept your promise to us. If you please.”

“Not so fast! Not so fast!” The Wizard urged. “I’ll have to give the matter a little more thought. Go away and come back tomorrow.” He said as green smoke covered his face.

“Tomorrow!? But I wanna go home now!” I whined.  We did all of this, practically dying (mostly in my case) trying to get this broomstick and now he’s saying he wants us to come back tomorrow.

“You’ve had plenty of time to think about it already!” Tinman proclaimed as he stood beside me.

“Yeah!” Lion roared as he came up to my other side along with Scarecrow who nodded in agreement.

“DO NOT AROUSE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!! I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!” The Wizard exclaimed.

“If you were really Great and Powerful you’d keep your promises!” I exclaimed.

“Do you presume to criticize the great Oz!? You ungrateful creatures!” The Wizard proclaimed.  That’s when I felt a tap at my shoulder and I looked up at the Scarecrow who pointed to our left.

There I saw that Toto had pulled back a green curtain and there stood a man in a suit speaking at the same time the Great Oz was speaking.  As he continued to ramble on into a microphone and flipping switches, I got Lion’s and Tinman’s attention and pointed at the man and soon all four of us were staring at the man.

The man turned to us and his face turned to shock as he said into the microphone.

“The Great Oz has spoken!” he turned back to us and grunted before quickly taking the curtain and covering it up as the Great Oz’s voice proclaimed. “PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!! The Great and—Oz has spoken!”

I walked right up to the curtain and pulled it back before picking Toto up and the man faced me in surprise.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“Me? Well I am the Great and Powerful…..” he first spoke into the microphone with confidence but he dropped the charade and admitted sheepishly without the use of the microphone. “Wizard of Oz.”

“You!? I don’t believe this!” I snapped.  My friends soon came behind me glaring at the man and he admitted once again.

“I’m afraid it’s true. There’s no other Wizard except me.”

“You wanker!” Scarecrow snapped.

“A charlatan if you ask me!” Lion growled angrily.

“Yes. Yes, yes that’s exactly so. I am—a wanker and a charlatan.”

“You’re a very cruel man.” I scolded him.

“Oh, no my dear I’m—I’m a very good man. Just a—very bad wizard.” He told me.  His blueish-grey eyes shining with regret.

“What about the heart that you promised Tinman!? And the courage you promised the Lion!?” Scarecrow snapped while both Tinman and Lion spoke together.

“And Scarecrow’s brain!” it was then the man softly smiled and said as he stood before Scarecrow and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Why, anybody can have a brain. That’s a very mediocre commodity. Every creature with a pulse that walks or crawls on the earth, or slithers and slinks through slimy slims has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities. Where men and women alike go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts. And with no more brains than you’ve got. But they have one thing you haven’t got, a diploma.”

He then turned back to his control and pulled out a few rolled up pieces of paper tied with a red ribbon and took one of the paper rolls and continued speaking as he unrolled the diploma and presented it to Scarecrow.

“Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me…by the Universitatus Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum…I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.”

“Th.D?” questioned Scarecrow as he took his diploma happily.

“Yes that’s Doctor in Thinkology.” The Wizard answered.

“The sum of the square root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.” Scarecrow suddenly said.  I gaped and he smiled widely. “Oh gods…..I’ve got a brain! How can I ever thank you?”

“Oh you can’t.” The Wizard said.  He then turned to Lion and took him by his hand guiding him up the stairs to his throne as he continued while we followed behind them, “And as for you my feline king. You’re a victim of disorganized thinking. You think that just because you don’t speak up or make your roars presentable, you have no courage. You’re confusing Courage with Wisdom. Back where I come from we have motivational speakers. People who step forward before rallies of hundreds even thousands of people to speak about what they believe in. And they have no more courage than you’ve got. But they have one thing that you don’t got. A medal.”

He pulled out from the back of his throne a large black bag and began to dig through it till he pulled out a medal. It was a triple cross bronze with a short red and white stripped fabric pattern on top.  And across the medal in bold print was the word COURAGE.

“Therefore….for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor….conspicuous bravery against wicked Warlocks and grueling hyenas. I award you the Triple Cross.” He pinned the medal to Lion’s shirt before finishing, “You are now a member of the Legion of Courage. Your father would be proud of you son.” The Wizard then kissed both of Lion’s cheeks while Lion was blushing mad.

“I’m—I’m speechless.” He chuckled shyly before turning away bashfully.  Finally the Wizard turned to the Tinman and he said.

“As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

“But I—I’d still like one.” Tinman responded.

“Where I come from, there are people who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called—umm what was it phila—philios…..anyways. Good-deed-doers. And they have hearts no bigger than yours. But they have one thing you haven’t got. A testimonial. Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take the immense pleasure at this time in presenting to you….with a small token of our esteem and affection.” The Wizard pulled out a heart shaped clock attached to a beautiful decorated string.

He handed the Tinman, who was staring at it in awe, his new heart and the Wizard said to him.

“And remember my sentimental friend. That a heart is not judged by how much you love. But by how much you are loved by others.” Tinman smiled before lifting the heart clock up to his ear. He squeaked in excitement as he said.

“Oh it ticks! Listen, listen!” he held the clock up to my ear and I smiled with a nod. “You hear that it ticks!” he held it up to Scarecrow’s ear who nodded happily.

Out of nowhere a very loud, and thunderous roar echoed throughout the room.  It was louder than any thunder I had ever heard in my entire life, and when we turned around there stood Lion in his true lion form.  His tail softly swaying back and forth and a glam of pride shined in his golden lion eyes.

“It would seem I have inherited my father’s roar.”

“Indeed you have Lion. That truly is the roar of a King.” Tinman said.  He smiled and walked back toward us and I extended my hand out and he pressed his head against my palm.  Slowly I stroked up his nose towards his head and said to him.

“A true lion king. Whose courage holds no bounds.” He chuckled softly as he nuzzled against my hand. “I’m so happy for you guys. They’re all wonderful gifts.” I said as I moved my hand down to fiddle with Lion’s medal that hung around his mane.

“Wait hold on!” Scarecrow said. “You can’t forget about (Y/n)!”

“Yes. How about (Y/n)?” Tinman asked.

“Yeah, (Y/n) next.” Lion spoke up.

“Yes right, (Y/n).” The wizard muttered.

“Oh I don’t think there’s anything in that black bag for me.” I said solemnly.

“Well….you force me into a tight situation. The only way to get (Y/n) back home is for me to take her there myself.” The Wizard said. I gasped.

“Oh will you? Could you? Oh!” I asked happily before I said. “But wait are you a clever enough Wizard to manage something like that?”

“My dear you cut me to the quick. My mother was a Welsh woman herself. Born and bred in the quaint little town of Pembroke. I once was there to perform alongside the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company as a premier balloonist. Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by man…..an unfortunate phenomenon occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair.”

“It did?” asked Lion.

“Weren’t you scared?” I asked him.  The Wizard wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he guided me down with the guys following behind us, all of us invested in his story.

“Frightened? You’re looking at a man who has laughed in the face of danger. Sneered at doom and chuckled at doom. I was petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city. Where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first wizard deluxe. Times being what they were, I accepted the job. Retaining my balloon against the advert of a quick getaway. And there my dear (Y/n), in that very balloon, you and I shall return to the land of our mother’s Land.”

I cheered happily and we soon left the throne room and went out to the heart of the city.  

With the help of some of the Oz citizens, as well as my friends, we had the hot air balloon blown back up and the Wizard and I stood in the basket with my friends surrounding the balloon basket.

Every citizen in Oz gathered around the balloon which stood on a small platform big enough for the balloon and my friends who were holding the ropes of the balloon (which were also tied up to the railings for extra security).

“My friends! This is positively the finest exhibition ever to be shown well be as it may. I, your Wizard, am about to embark upon a hazardous and technically unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere!” The Wizard proclaimed which made the crowd cheer. “To confer, converse, and otherwise hobnob with my brother wizards. And I hereby decree that until what time (if any) that I return, the Scarecrow by virtue of his highly superior brains. Shall rule in my stead.”

Scarecrow peeked out from behind the basket and bowed his head before the crowd.

“Assisted by the Tinman. By virtue of his magnificent heart.” Tinman also nodded as he solemnly gestured to his heart which he had pinned across his chest.  But I noticed the heartbroken expression across his face. “And the Lion! By virtue of his Courage. Obey them as you would me.” I stroked Lion’s dark brown hair and he looked up and smiled at me softly.

Suddenly Toto jumped out of my arms barking frantically and started chasing a cat.

“Oh Toto! Toto come back here! Toto! Oh please don’t go without me, I’ll be right back.” I said as I got out of the balloon basket then turning to the Wizard pleading with him before chasing after Toto. Scarecrow and Lion helped me out with the chase as Lion exclaimed.

“Stop that dog!” Finally I managed to grab Toto but to my horror I saw that the Wizard was taking off in the balloon.  I let out a scream as I raced back towards the platform to see Scarecrow and Tinman trying to take back the ropes but they soon got too high for them to hang onto.

“Come back! Come back! Oh please come back!”

“I can’t come back! I’ve forgotten how it all works! Goodbye folks!” the people of Oz waved and bid their Wizard farewell and soon the balloon was out of sight.

As I held Toto in my arms, I felt like my whole life was over.  That was my last ticket home and now I’ve run out of options.

“Oh now I’ll never get home.” I choked out. It was then I felt six pairs of hands touch my back, shoulders or arms.  I looked up and Tinman stood to my right, Scarecrow stood close behind me and Lion stood to my left.

“Stay with us then (Y/n).” Lion said.  Tinman and Scarecrow nodded with soft yet sad smiles on their faces. “We love you and—we don’t…..want you to go.”

“Oh. That’s—that’s very sweet of you guys but……this could never be like Wales. Auntie Em must’ve stopped wondering what happened to me by now. Oh Scarecrow what am I gonna do?” he cupped the side of my face before looking up to the sky.  His eyes briefly widened and he said to me as he pointed up.

“Look. There’s someone who can.” I looked up and floating down was a very familiar crystal ball.  All the Oz citizens went silent and I saw every man take off their hats as the crystal came closer and closer before landing just ahead of us.

There Fiyero stood in all his glory with a wide smile spread across his face.  Everyone then bowed before him as he walked across the room greeting everyone with either a nod of his head or an elegant flick of his wrist.  He walked up the steps and stood before us.  I curtsied and I said.

“Oh will you help me? Can you help me Fiyero?”

“You don’t need any more help darling. You’ve always had the power to go back home.”

“I have?” I asked confused.

“Then why didn’t you tell her before?” asked Scarecrow.

“Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn for herself.”

“What have you learned (Y/n)?” Tinman said to me. I looked at each of them before saying.

“Well….I learned that…..that it wasn’t enough wanting to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. This was about—my own journeys. And if I ever want to go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?” Fiyero smiled and said.

“That’s all it is dear.”

“But that’s so easy. I should’ve thought of it for you.” Scarecrow belittled himself.

“I should’ve felt it in my heart.” Tinman said.

“And I should’ve had the courage to tell you that.” Lion added.

“No my darlings she had to find out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in 2 seconds.” Fiyero said as he pointed his wand down at the ruby slippers.

“Toto too?”

“Toto too.” My heart began racing with excitement.

“Now?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Oh my god! That’s too good to be true!” I cheered as I turned to the guys before suddenly growing sad. “But it…..it’s going to be that much harder to say goodbye. I love you all too.” I walked up to the Tinman first who was already dripping out tears. “Goodbye Tinman.” I chuckled sadly and took out my handkerchief and dabbed his eyes, “Don’t cry silly. You’ll rust yourself again.” He wiped away his tears.

I took his oilcan out from my basket and handed it to him before standing on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye.”

“Now I know I’ve got a heart. Cause it’s breaking.” He choked out sadly.  I then walked over to Lion and hugged and kissed his cheek.

“Goodbye Lion. I—I know it’s improper to say but, I’m gonna miss the way you used to shy away before you found your courage.” I fiddled with his medal and he said.

“Well I—I would never have found it, if it hadn’t been for you.” Toto let out a sad whimper and I looked down at him.

“Toto will miss you too.” He smiled and gently rubbed Toto’s head and he gave Lion a loving lick across his arm before whimpering again.

Finally I turned towards the Scarecrow.  My first friend on this long journey.  The one who willingly sacrificed himself for me time and time again.  Tears poured down my face as I embraced him and he hugged me back.

“I’ll miss you most of all.” He rubbed my back and we held onto each other for what felt like a lifetime before finally separating. He cupped the side of my face before he very faintly bopped my nose with his gloved finger.  I choked out a chuckle before giving him a kiss on the cheek and finding the strength to walk away from him.

“Are you ready now?” Fiyero asked me in a gentle tone.

I nodded wordlessly but turned around and took Toto’s paw in mine and made a wave motion as I said.

“Say bye, bye Toto.” Even through their sadness, the guys waved goodbye to Toto.  I turned back to Fiyero and said, “Okay. I’m ready now.”

“Then close your eyes,” I closed them. “Tap your heels together three times.” I clicked my heels together counting them out in my head. “And think to yourself, ‘There’s no place like home’. ‘There’s no place like home’.”

“There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” I kept repeating that to myself while every now and again clicking my heels together.

*3rd Person POV*

Lying on her bed still knocked out from when the window had hit her on the head during the storm, (Y/n) lay there and was softly muttering ‘there’s no place like home’.  All the while a damp cloth was placed over her forehead.

She kept repeating the words silently in her sleep before her Aunt Em said to her as she took her niece’s hand.

“Wake up honey.” Soon her eyes opened and she was surprised to see that she was now back home.

*My POV*

I heard my Aunt Em’s voice and when I woke up, I saw that I was back in my room and right there at my bedside was Aunt Em and Uncle Henry.

I was home.  I was home!

“(Y/n). (Y/n) love, it’s Aunt Em poppet.”

“Oh Auntie Em it’s you!”

“Hello to home!” a familiar voice called out. Soon coming to my window was Queen’s lawyer Jim Beach.  “The boys wanted me to drive them back here when I told them the young girl got caught in the—” he looked down at me and smiled as he said, “Well. She looks right as rain to me.”

“Yeah she got quite the bump on the head there though. We thought for a moment that she was gonna leave us.” Uncle Henry said.

“But that’s the thing Uncle Henry! I did leave you! And I tried to get back for days and days!” I said as I shot up but Aunt Em stopped me.

“There, there, lie still now. You just had a bad dream is all.” She said as he gently placed me back on the bed before walking away to go get something.

“Can we come in?” I soon looked out of my door and peeking in were Freddie, Brian, Deacy and Roger.  Roger was the first one to come up and kneel beside me as he said with that charming smile of his.

“Hey kiddo. How’s my best girl doing huh?” I smiled widely and cooed out Roger’s name as I cupped the side of his face smiling at him.

“When we heard what happened from Jim, we begged him to bring us back here. How are you feeling poppet?” Brian asked me.

“Just assure us that you haven’t forgotten our beautiful faces dear.” Freddie joked while Deacy playfully slapped his arm.

“Don’t go making it about yourself Fred.” He turned back to me and asked me, “Ignore him, poppet. You doing okay now? Head injuries are a nasty thing to deal with, especially when glass gets involved.”

“I’m fine. But it wasn’t a dream at all. It was a place. And you, you, you, you….and even you Mr. Beach were in it.” I said pointing out to the four band members as well as their lawyer.  Mr. Beach hummed in interest and I said as I rubbed my temple, “But you—you couldn’t have been, could you?”

“We dream lots of strange things when we go through something traumatic dear.” Aunt Em said as she gestured for the boys to move away from my bedside and she sat down beside me.

“No, no Auntie Em. This was a truly live place. I remember that some of it wasn’t very nice, but most of it was beautiful. But just the same all I kept telling everyone was that ‘I wanna go home’. And they sent me home.”

Everyone minus my Aunt Em softly started chuckling. I sat him in my bed as I pleaded.

“Doesn’t anyone believe me?”

“Of course we believe you (Y/n) love.” Uncle Henry said.  Toto who had now hopped up on my bed walked up towards me.  I pulled him close and said happily.

“But anyway Toto we’re home. Home. And this is my room. And you’re all here. And I’m never gonna leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you Auntie Em and Uncle Henry and……oh Dorothy was right. There’s no place like home!”

I hugged Auntie Em as tightly as I could and buried myself into her chest as I closed my eyes and a wide smile spread across my face.

[timelesshonesttrailer]

The bane of many writers is that once you have birthed a story, taken the time to write, erase, rewrite, edit, scream at, and finally accept the words that you have written… you have to name it. 

Like people, or businesses, the name is everything. It’s one of the first things people see. It’s what they will use to communicate the story to others. So picking a good title is vital, which makes it all the more daunting. But like most things in life, once you break it down and examine its parts, see how it works, it becomes a lot less scary and a lot more manageable.

This is how I got pretty good at making titles, not only for my own works, but for others. And I want to share with you what I learned, and hopefully make the task of titling your stories a lot less terrifying.

To create a good title, you have to focus on two things: Structure and Meaning.

Structure

Quick, think of all your favorite books, shows, and movies. Now think of popular franchises that are household names. What do they have in common, title wise? They are short and to the point.

On average, these titles are one to two words long. This does not include articles or connecting words like “the,” “of,” “or,” etc, because they pretty much disappear.

The titles also average few syllables, about two or three. You don’t really want to go above four. English is a very lazy language and we like to keep things short. This is why a lot of titles get shortened anyway.

Examples of Titles (remember, articles/connectors don’t count):

Friends – One word, one syllable.

Cheers – One word, one syllable.

Lost – One word, one syllable.

Dune – One word, one syllable.

Timeless – One word, two syllables.

ER – One word, two syllables.

Twilight – One word, two syllables. Can refer to the entire series.

The Mummy (1999) – One word, three syllables.

The Simpsons – One word, three syllables.

Parasite – One word, three syllables.

Titanic – One word, three syllables.

Hamilton – One word, three syllables.

The X-Files – One word, three syllables. Though it’s debatable if X-Files is one word or two.

CSI – One word (standing in for three), three syllables (standing in for seven).

Star Wars – Two words, two syllables.

Good Omens – Two words, three syllables.

Game of Thrones – Two words, three syllables. Often verbally shortened to Thrones.

Lord of the Rings – Two words, four syllables.

I can keep going, but you see the trend.

But what about titles like the Harry Potter books? The answer is in the question. Each book/movie title starts with Harry Potter and then has a modifier. Harry Potter itself is only two words and four syllables. Then if someone talks about a specific novel, they typically would not say the whole title, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, they would simply say Azkaban. The same is done in other series. Percy Jackson for example.

There are, of course, exceptions.

Elementary is a one word, but five syllables. It’s also a very common phrase in both the genre and in everyday life. Use of common phrases is a way to get around the above formula because we’re already used to saying them, thinking them, etc. One Day at a Time is another good example. Three words, five syllables, but doesn’t feel any longer than Lord of the Rings. 

But the longer the title, the more likely it will somehow get shortened. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was changed to three syllable Blade Runner. My favorite book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, has a very long title. Technically it’s three words when you remove articles/connectors, but the syllable count is a whopping ten. It gets away with it because for one, it’s a rift on an already common phrase, and two, fans can call it Hitchhiker’s Guide which is only four syllables. 

Now, once you know the structure of a title, you can work on choosing one.

Meaning

The title of your story has to give the reader an idea about what they’re getting into. It does this by focusing on one of the following:

A literal Person/Place/Thing –  Percy Jackson, Cheers, The X-Files

The Subject Matter – Friends, Law & Order, The Sixth Sense, CSI

The Genre – Twilight, Star Wars, Friday the 13th, Altered Carbon

The Overall Metaphor/Concept – Game of Thrones, Parasite, Pride and Prejudice

Many of these cross over. The Sixth Sense and CSI could also be considered a literal thing as well as a genre marker. If your title fulfills more than one slot, that is neat, but not a necessity. You might feel like you have to come up with some complex title, but sometimes it’s really just as simple as it’s a show about friends and their relationships with each other.

Take the title Catch-22. The term Catch-22 is a major metaphor and concept that is universally known today. But when Joseph Heller wrote Catch-22, no one called that concept a Catch-22. The title was simply naming the military rule (a thing), which created the situation and therefore drove the narrative. People later co-opted the title to quickly express the concept that the book so masterfully discusses.

Whatever you chose, the title should match the feel of the story you’re trying to tell. It’s part of your promise to the reader, and must make sense by the time they get to the end of the story.  

But how to pick a title when you have persons, places, things, subject matter, genre, and metaphors in your story? You simply work backwards. Ask yourself what your story is really about.

What is the driving force of the narrative?

What do you want your readers to get out of the story?

Is it a story about a person?

Or about the people of a specific group?

Is the story a one-shot or the beginning of a trilogy/series?

Is there a specific name or line of text that sums up your story neatly?

Somewhere in the answers to those questions is your title.

Now, I can make guesses on how some of the above mentioned titles came to be. Cheers takes place in the bar of the same name, and it’s about the patrons of said bar, so it’s the story about a place named Cheers. But I can’t speak for the creators and what thought processes they might have went through in order to choose their titles. So, instead, I am going to give you some of the titles I have come up with and explain how I got there.

Copper and Gold Two words, four syllables. Genre: Urban Fantasy This is the first book of a series based around a singular character, Minni Masterson, whose motif is copper, which plays a large role in the story. Since it’s a series, I need a title that could be formulaic across each one. In the first novel, the “guest character” is a gold dragon (Aiden Drake). So when I say Copper and Gold, I’m really saying Minni and Drake. And in the second book, when I say Copper and Cobalt, I am saying Minni and the Kobolds. Copper and Mercury is Minni and the Werewolves. Etc.

Emperor’s Shadow Two words, five syllables. Genre: Star Wars fan fiction/Mystery/Character Study The story is about Mara Jade who was an Emperor’s Hand. It’s about her coming to terms with the shadow that looms over her from her past and what Palpatine did to her. Instead of going with something much bulkier like In the Shadow of the Empire, I merged her past (Emperor’s Hand) with her current conflict.

The Serpent and the Liar Two words, seven syllables. (This format of “The X and the X” is one that is an exception to the rule, so long as the syllables belonging to X remain low) Genre: Marvel!Loki fan fiction/Pre-Movies Canon Compliant The story is about Loki and the events leading up to the first Thor movie. It also brings in Sigyn to explore that ship, along with some Norse myths, and to explain why she isn’t in the movie. Loki, of course, is known for his serpent motif and as the god of lies. I play on this, giving Sigyn a serpent motif, something to match her with Loki. But on several occasions, I raise the question of who is actually the serpent, and who is the liar? Because the best way to lie, is to tell the truth. So, like Copper and Gold, I’m really just calling the story Loki and Sigyn, I mean, Sigyn and Loki?

Amehrana One word, four syllables. Genre: Timeless Food Truck AU/Garcy Slow Burn The story is about Flynn and Lucy, and the rest of the team, in an AU setting. I named Flynn’s food truck Amehrana because it’s a mix of the word American and Hrana, which is Croatian for food. So the title is both a thing (the food truck) but also another word for Flynn and Lucy because he’s Croat and she’s American. But unlike Copper and Gold and The Serpent and the Liar, there is the added symbolism here of Flynn and Lucy coming together.

Frankenstein’s Monster Two words, five syllables Genre: Timeless Mission Fic for Proposed Season 3 (non-movie compliant) The mission is Mary Shelley, but that doesn’t mean there *has* to be a Frankenstein reference. But you have Flynn who thinks he’s a monster, one created by Rittenhouse. I also go deeper and hint at Lucy herself being a Frankenstein Monster, i.e. created by Rittenhouse for a purpose she doesn’t want any part of. Once again, my title is basically just another name for my main characters.

I want to interject for a moment and point out that we all have our preferences in our writing styles, and titles are no different. If you realized you tend to do most of your titles a specific way, then own it. It’s part of what makes you unique as an artist. And if you occasionally decide you want to go a completely opposite direction for one story, then go for it.

Case in point.

No Accounting for Heroes Three words, seven syllables Genre: Canon Compliant account of the Fall of SHIELD and its aftermath This fic really takes a hard look at what happens to those living in a world with superheroes. The main character, an accountant named Rani, is giving an account of events. My cowriter suggested putting “accounting” in the title which made me think of the common phrase, “no accounting for taste,” which is a concept about how different people like/need different things, and applied it to the story. No Accounting for Heroes means that we all need a hero, but maybe not the heroes we think we do, and we can all be heroes in some way, to someone in need. But also, there is that underlying current that heroes are not held accountable for the destruction that follows in their wake. 

Never be afraid to ask for help with titles. And don’t be afraid to reject titles if they don’t fit. And definitely don’t be afraid to take the suggestion, turn it over, season it, put it in a waffle iron, and see if what comes out is edible.

I have helped others name their stories, and here are three examples:

Remember, Remember Two words, six syllables. Genre: Timeless Garcy Canon Divergent/Angst/Mission Fic The story is about Lucy trying to save Flynn after he goes back to 2012. Emma saves him instead. Eventually Lucy runs into him and she discovers he doesn’t remember her and only knows what Emma has told him. At the end of the story, they have a final confrontation during the Gunpowder Plot. When the author asked my thoughts on a title, well, the Gunpowder Plot has the very famous saying “Remember, Remember, the 5th of November” and the whole story is Lucy trying to get Flynn to remember…

Disavowed One word, three syllables. Genre: Timeless Luciana Canon Divergent/Angst In this Twitter story, Flynn is blocked from returning to the US from Canada because they still think he’s a terrorist. Basically, his own country, whom he helped save, rejected him. When asked for a title, I focused on the idea that this story is about Flynn being rejected/denied entry/etc. I basically flipped through synonyms for rejected until I came across disavowed which is a term often used in spy craft. It’s a heavy word which paired well with the angst of the story.

Only Our Stories Three words, five syllables. Genre: Timeless Movie Canon Compliant-adjacent/Angst/Mission Fic The phrase “only our stories” is said in the fic itself. Future-Lucy writes it down towards the beginning, once she’s returned from dropping off the journal post-Chinatown. All that she has left of Flynn is only their stories, which she writes in the journal. She is eventually able to change things to get Flynn back, but he doesn’t remember her. There is still a connection though… their stories.

Never be afraid to take a line from your story to use as your title, so long as you follow the structure guidelines from the first section. 

At the end of the day, coming up with titles is just as much a skill as any other part of writing. We suck at first, then we figure out what's good, what's bad, and look at the world around us to figure out how to make it better. And don’t be afraid to edit it as much as you edit your novel. Until you publish, no title is set in stone, so it doesn’t have be right the first time.

And now here is where I close out this reference guide by saying something inspirational. Instead, I’m going to name this piece. While I wrote it, the temp file name was “Creating a Title” which is technically accurate but has no umph or style. This guide is meant to be helpful so the title should inspire confidence that I know what I’m talking about. But I don’t want it to sound too clinical either. 

A synonym for “name” is designation which I like but too many syllables because I’ll have to add to it. Synonym’s for “title” don’t give me much either. Instead, I should focus on the concept of the guide rather than its direct contents. Using something like “What’s in a Name?” would be too cliché. “I Suck at Titles” is funny, at first, with it being the exact opposite, but my genre is more educational than satire.

Wait, if I’m not going to reveal the title until the end, as a way to show you the thought process in creating a title, then to the reader, the title both does and doesn’t exist at the same time. It’s what you might call a…

Schrodinger’s Title: A Guide to Naming

[animatedminds]

Scoob! Review

Apologies: I watched the movie  two weeks ago, but forgot to write this because I was so busy doing the Dragonball FighterZ thing. But, with that out of the way...

An interesting ride. As a longtime Scooby Doo fan, it was pretty much a given that I would watch this installment by the Warner Animation Group as soon as possible, and I had a pretty good time - albeit with some issue. It’s a fun Scooby adventure, mostly focusing on Scooby and Shaggy, as they go on a new kind of adventure. It’s full of fun references, super charmingly animated action scenes, and lots of humor that actually nails the characters’ goofball antics without diminishing them as the butt of the joke - which is something the previous theatrical series was hit or miss about - which which is also hampered by the fact that it doesn’t really give itself enough time or space to really make any of those things shine.

Spoilers, but only a couple.

The first thing we ever heard about this movie years ago was that it was conceived as a dramatic retool of Scooby Doo into a out-and-out spy series, in order to set up a Hanna Barbera cinematic universe a la the MCU (which, given that they already had a shared universe they could adapt in Future Quest, hit a little hard), giving the impression that Scooby was going to be a pastiche of James Bond. It’s very obvious from the finished product that this concept was since heavily changed, but you still see it in the film. The gang is still the same-old gang - a bunch of kooky teen mystery solvers - but plotwise it’s very much “what if instead of solving a mystery, the gang just fought a supervillain?” Which, let’s be clear, is not unheard of for the franchise: see Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase for another story that’s mostly just “fight a cool bad guy, with a tacked on mystery,” or the other Shaggy and Scooby-centric stuff like Ghoul School or Reluctant Werewolf for other movies that just plain eschew their usual setting entirely - this is a lot like those. It’s centered around the two characters’ relationship, like pretty much every theatrical Scooby release it seems, as this new challenge almost breaks their union, and the group as usual does very well in that kind of action. Faced with an army of dimwitted robots that can go from silly to terrifying multiple times in the same scene, Scoob and Shag’s typical mix of silly bumbling with surprisingly - and destructively - clever antics make for some great scenes, my favorite being a madcap chase through an amusement park that ends with them getting away on a ferris wheel that’s been knocked of its hinges.

This is very much a movie that wants to be a Hanna Barbera crossover, but is trying hard to restrain itself. As a kid Shaggy was a fan of the Impossibles (who, iirc, were once intended to get a movie as part of this universe) with models and posters that the camera never completely focuses on, you see Laff-a-Lympics on an arcade machine, references to classic Scooby writers and actors as location names (I laughed at Messick Mountain, and the Takamoto Bowl outright went over my head at first), even little things like Scooby bowling like Fred Flintstone or the blink and you’ll miss it appearance of Yankee Doodle Pigeon - and yes, Captain Caveman shows up, fully voiced by Tracy Morgan and kicking butt for a very short scene, with one of his show’s supporting characters (Dee Dee Skyes) as a prominent in this movie’s plot. There’s even musical references in addition to visible ones: at one point, the movie even orchestrates one of the classic bits of Scooby Doo background music. I was hoping for a reference to the classic Scooby Doo / Blue Falcon theme, but alas that was one nod we didn’t get.

However, this approach does work especially well with Blue Falcon - who was originally built up through Scooby Doo, sharing a timeslot, advertisement and technically a theme song, and in time has more or less become to Scooby Doo what Donkey Kong is to Mario: technically a supporting character, but able to do his own stuff every once in a while. There have been several Blue Falcon Scooby Doo crossovers in the last few years (though in terms of sheer number of references this movie’s got nothing on Mask of the Blue Falcon), and they’ve all been very fun as each show, movie or comic reinterpreted the character to fit their specific world - and this movie’s novice Blue Falcon who is kind of an egoistical loser, but turns out to have a lot to learn even from Scooby and Shaggy’s brand of cowardly bravery, grows on you even if he has kind of a rough initial landing.

Unfortunately, this is also a movie that very much wants that rigid hour and a half timeslot, and has absolutely no interest in a going a second longer - and that’s where it’s problems come in. I’ve said before that animated films have become more and more written with expediency in mind: plot points are rushed, denouements are minimized, side or even main characters might not get much utilization, and sometimes things come of as just kind of happening to the protagonists without much set-up. Even the best or the best animation companies fall into these traps at times, and this movie is a good example of what it looks like if you fall into that too much. Take the Scooby gang - Velma, Daphne, and Fred. They’re not really fleshed out that much in this movie, even if they were tweaked a bit with their new VAs - but that’s not necessarily a problem in itself, given the heavy focus on Scooby and Shaggy. What’s more noticeable is where this intersects the plot: for example - one of the better examples of what I’m talking about - the scene that kicks off the whole story. Fred, Velma and Daphne want to expand Mystery Inc, and call Simon Cowell to invest in them. Cowell decides Scooby and Shaggy are incompetent because reasons, and the two storm off. This is later framed as the gang abandoning the duo, that’s not really what happens. Once Cowell hits the scene, beyond one or two lines the rest of the gang essentially ceases to exist, and barely reacts to anything: there’s no moments with them where they seem to buy into what Cowell is saying, there’s nothing beforehand that implies that they’re dissatisfied with Scooby and Shaggy, there’s isn’t even really a status quo for what their dynamic is like. We cut straight from them meeting as kids to them having a supposed fight as adults - this is something that wouldn’t have taken a lot of time, but would have strengthened pretty much everything, from Scooby and Shaggy’s reaction to the trio’s guilt later, but is skipped over entirely. The others get very little beyond being summed up as “the muscle” (Fred), “the face” (Daphne) and “the brains” (Velma), and it feels less like expediency and more like we missed a scene somewhere.

Granted, this particular thing also runs a unique problem that the Scooby gang face. As characters who just turned fifty and who are well entrenched in pop culture, adaptations often assume you know who they already - and this movie definitely assumes you can do its work for it and establish a baseline for the Scooby gang on your own... and on that front, I suppose it does better than the previous film series, which based a lot of its humor on fandom in-jokes they poorly assumed everyone agreed with. But... there’s a degree to which every film needs to establish a baseline for that it itself to trying to do, and I think skipping this hurt the film more than it should have. And it’s hardly the only point where the need for speed cuts out the flow of the film. Scooby and Shaggy get abducted by Blue Falcon, whose assistant then promptly exposits on everything the audience doesn’t know yet about the plot so that they can just skip straight to more action - basically setting up a question and then answering it immediately without set-up. This essentially robs Dick Dastardy - definitely the best thing about the movie - of a strong introduction, in favor of, again, expediency, and it’s kind of baffling given that there’s later scenes where the rest follows the mystery and so repeats that exposition anyway. I mentioned that Blue Falcon himself got a rough initial landing, and that’s because his intro scene is just a lot of new element popping in with exposition, interspersed with pop culture references - and that exposition just stops the whole thing cold for a while. We hit again the “expects you to know” angle with Falcon himself, who is a legacy character of the original Falcon - who we never see, which raises the question of why they bothered to make him a legacy and not just a novice hero in the first place. I’ve always been a strong believer that you can introduce elements without needless explanation unless who introduce concepts that suggest explanation: Scoob and Shag being a fan of the original Blue Falcon, Dynomutt constantly reminiscing about him, and there being a full Falcon organization around which the movie pivots, along with lots of reference, suggest the need for at least a little more than we got - even if it’s just a thirty clip of the way Blue Falcon worked before Brian (the new Falcon) came along - but the movie just wants to rush past it. The entire quest on which the plot is centered it halfway through when we first encounter it, and doesn’t get any explanation at all until halfway through the movie. And then there’s little things like  Captain Caveman cameo, which just leave you wanting more.

This happens again and again, with plot points, characters, all sorts - things introduced halfway and then brushed past as though they’re not. People don’t expect much from animated movies, and stuff like this is one of the reasons why - this movie feels sometimes like it was written for tv, which is ironic given how it ended up being released. But the movies that were themselves DTV or released to TV, like Shaggy’s Showdown or Legend of the Phantasaur, the aforementioned Mask of the Blue Falcon or - my perosnal favorite - Moon Monster Madness, even tend to not have these problems themselves, because they’re more measured and precise about what they want to introduce and why. It’s great to be childish, as long you do childish well.

But now that the criticism portion of the review is done, I will say that this doesn’t hamper the movie’s desire to be fun and easy to follow, it just makes it not as much so as it clearly could have been. If you wanted more Falcon, or more Scooby and Shaggy, more Mystery Inc shenangians, more Dastardly, more adventure, more of a certain gag or humor, more of really any of the movie’s best points, you weren’t getting them that much because the movie was trying to do all of them all at once. But one the movie starts getting traction, about halfway through, that starts to fade as everything coalesces. All the characters meet, we finally know what the heck is going on, and it’s just a straight shot to the end with lots of what this movie does best: cool visuals, silly characters doing silly things, and brave characters doing brave things. Much as I wish there was more to the Captain Caveman segment, it’s one of the most visually hilarious parts of the movie, with the stark contrast of these hi-tech, modern character colliding with these explicitly more cartoony prehistoric designs and antics, and its just wonderful. Everything about Dick Dastardly’s story is great - though I was wishing for a Penelope Pitstop reference - and he even gets a heartwarming conclusion to the whole thing.

I don’t know where the series is going after this - whether they do indeed intend to make more Hanna Barbera movies in this vein. The credits teased Johnny Quest, Frankenstein Jr, Grape Ape (who according to concept art was supposed to be in this one), Atom Ant, and even a bit of Wacky Races, and it’s clear they have the love for classic Hanna Barbera to make it happen. I just hope that if they do, they go with a series who can expand this in a more concise way, with a little better character introduction. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for Future Quest.

The film is still very recommended by me. I loved it, I watched it twice, and it a heck of a lot of fun even with its hang-ups. If you haven’t seen it, there are worse ways for a parent, a kid, or just a big ol’ child at heart to spend an afternoon.