#they're so dumb its entertaining

[rieson]

okay this isn't a bad day, love life 🙏🙏 illness can suck my ass

[frostbite-the-bat]

society if literally 80% of rw fandom and especially rw analysis youtubers (who are great, EXCEPT) stopped calling gourmand heckin' chonker chubby diabetic ginormous whatever and paid more mind to their whole character and not just the fact that they're fat

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

[stupidlittlespirit]

Just For Tonight (Valentines Special)

Rating: NSFW, mdni Type: Longform Tags: Fake dating, no use of pronouns for reader, messy kissing, pretending to be in a relationship, making out, Reigen being a cheapskate, flirting, riding, fingering, PIV sex, glasses!reigen Word count: 9630 My other works: here on tumblr and here on Ao3!

There's a nice new sushi place in town. It's a shame they're only offering discounts for couples....

“Valentine's day is a total scam,” declares Reigen, feet kicked up on his desk and lounging in his desk chair. “It’s so lame.”

It’s 5PM on a Wednesday afternoon and work is drawing steadily to a close. You’re filing the last few pieces of paperwork for today, tidying up your things before you head home for the evening, and all you’ve done is ask if any of your colleagues are doing something nice tonight for the lauded day.

In his typical fashion, however, Reigen has seized the opportunity to launch into a pointless spiel about his one-sided beef with made-up events and how much he doesn’t buy into them.

“It’s a capitalistic concept invented to sell cheap, poor quality products marked up by like, five hundred percent, to dumb idiots that are so blinded by love that they’ll part with cash hand over fist just to prove how much they allegedly care about someone,” Reigen yaps away. “Don’t people care about the integrity of love? People should show how they feel every day, not just when society tells them they have to. It’s a dumb holiday. It’s stupid. Totally ridiculous.”

“I heard that fancy new sushi place is doing half off for couples,” says Ekubo, floating aimlessly past your head.

“Half off?” says Reigen without missing a beat. “For real?”

You roll your eyes from behind your laptop and click it shut. Trust him to only care when he can save a few Yen.

“Yeah,” Ekubo yawns. “I was gonna go down there and haunt a few couples. Y’know, spoil their day or whatever.”

“Nice,” you snort, wafting the spirit away from your face. “That doesn’t scream bitter at all.”

Ekubo grins. “Gotta make entertainment somehow, honey. You have no idea how boring it is to be dead.”

It’s hard to look disapproving when you’re laughing but you shoot him a look anyway.

Reigen snatches his feet off of the desk and sits up straight, his chair creaking with the abrupt motion. He taps away on his PC, lightning fast, and makes a sound of interest. “Holy shit,” he says. “Looks like you’re right. Half off food and drink.”

Ekubo ignores him and turns his attention to you. “Any plans?”

You shake your head. While you’d rather not give him the satisfaction, you partly agree with Reigen. The holiday is a made up scam; almost every restaurant and bar in the city ups its prices under the guise of special dinners and intimate drinks, filling their windows with hearts and flowers and corny banners about love.

Being single on Valentine’s is even worse. No one wants to go out alone and the commiseration prize for being so is a condescending offering of dating events and pathetic ‘self love’ bullshit. It's unbearably sad and you'd rather drink a bottle of wine alone in the bath than be seen to engage in any of that shit.

Still, the thought of spending it with someone you have feelings for is, in theory, very attractive. It's just a shame the only person you want is sat two meters away and very much not interested in doing anything of the sort.

Bottle of wine in the bath it is, you think.

Once everything is packed up, you wish them both good nights and make your excuses to leave. Reigen lets you go without even looking up from his laptop and you decide that tonight, more than one bottle might be needed.

♡

At six thirty, just as you pour your first glass, your phone buzzes on the coffee table. You pick it up and flip it open, hoping this isn't going to be a late night call to come in to work even earlier tomorrow morning.

[Reigen] - are you free?

You stare at the message and another one comes in straight afterwards.

[Reigen] - obviously you are.

That’s a little hurtful but it’s not like he’s wrong. Why? you message back.

Three dots show up as he types, then they disappear, then return, and after a few minutes another message buzzes through.

[Reigen] - Emergency, meet me ASAP.

He pings through an address in the City and briefly, you're worried that he might be in trouble. The office diary hadn't listed any out of hours clients for tonight and it would be unlike Reigen to take a job that he couldn't handle alone; Serizawa is at night school this week to cram for exams and Mob is busy with his friends, so nothing is due to come up.

Another text comes through.

[Reigen] - and wear something nice.

You have absolutely no idea what he means by that, however if Reigen says it's an emergency then you'll never forgive yourself if you leave him high and dry. The last thing you want is for him to get hurt.

Must be a posh client, you think. Last minute demands for your presence are usually related to a high paying job, so it isn’t beyond the realm of possibility that he needs you to butter up a stuffy customer and show off some leg to make a sale. It wouldn’t be the first time and you usually get a good commission for your troubles. It’s easy money.

Sighing, you screw the cap back on your wine bottle and down the half-full glass in record speed.

It’s better than moping about alone.

♡

You make it there in thirty minutes, give or take. The short notice gives you just enough time to make yourself presentable, pick out an outfit and make it into the city, yet by some stroke of luck you manage to catch the last train into central.

The address isn’t far from the office and with a brisk pace, you make it in good time. It’s busy out here tonight. It’s hardly unexpected. You’re in the food district on a major holiday, throngs of people are wandering through here at the best of times.

What is, however, is the sight that greets you when you arrive at the map’s marked location.

Reigen is standing outside a dimly lit restaurant, browsing his phone in one hand and clutching a lush looking bouquet of roses in the other. You almost walk right past him, he's unrecognisable without his usual suit and tie; he's dressed in navy slacks and a perfectly white dress shirt, silver glasses on the end of his nose and hair styled nicely. He looks good.

“Reigen?” You ask, approaching him warily.

At the sound of his name, he glances up from his phone briefly to see who’s asking and double takes. He looks a little surprised to see you and you have to admit that you feel similarly.

“Oh,” he says, looking you up and down. “You made it.”

“Where’s the emergency?” You frown, looking past him to search for awaiting clients.

Reigen clears his throat and jerks his thumb over his shoulder, towards the restaurant. “Here.”

There are no concerned looking people waiting around behind him. In fact, the entire place looks to be filled with couples who are anything but. You glance between him and the shop front again, and wait for him to expand on why you’re here.

Reigen stares back at you for a moment and then proffers the bouquet. “Here,” he says, a little flushed in the face. “You like flowers, right?”

You stare at him, clearly confused, but you take them from him all the same. They’re roses, deep red and freshly cut, tied together in layers of pink paper that rival the colour on his cheeks. You have to admit, they're lovely.

“What are these for?” You ask, laughing. “Where are the clients? You said there was an emergency.”

Reigen looks slightly guilty and you realise, after a moment, that there isn’t any client. No one needs your help and there doesn't appear to be any spirit floating around to cause bother. Now that you think about it, the front of this place seems vaguely familiar and when you look again, you realise he’s totally played you.

“This is that fucking sushi place, isn’t it?” you sigh, shifting the flowers into the crook of your arm. If what Ekubo had said is true, it’s not like you’re going to get to take advantage of the discount he so desperately wants. “Reigen, we're not exactly….” You gesture between you both and the words that go unsaid are obvious: ‘a couple’.

“Look, they’re doing fifty percent off the whole menu!” Reigen launches into his reasoning and you can tell he’s practised it. “It’s just for tonight, and we don’t have to do anything except look like we are, right? They won't know any different!” He pouts slightly for good measure and you hate that it works so well on you. It always does. “Plus, they sell that swanky shrimp shit and I really wanna try it…. Please?”

The flowers suddenly make sense.

“Are you asking me to date you for the night?” You ask, raising an eyebrow. The concept is hardly unappealing. Reigen is cute and you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it. Well, thinking about it and dreaming about it are two very different things and the little candle you hold for him has only been getting bigger over time.

You’ve kept it quiet for the most part; the only person in the office that has any vague idea is Ekubo. He’s perceptive enough to have caught you looking when no one else is and although he's sworn to keep it a secret, you suppose if he isn't around then you can get away with playing things off as pretending.

He shrugs, unabashed in his request.

“Ugh,” is all you say and it's the vague confirmation he needs.

Reigen grins.

He drags you into the restaurant, hand wrapped around your wrist, and announces to the waiter that's taking stock of the visitors that he's booked a table for two. The waiter looks from Reigen, to you, to where he's holding you tightly by your arm.

“Tonight's dinner is for couple's, sir….” He says, looking unconvinced.

Reigen wilts slightly, letting go out of you and gesturing towards the flowers in your arms. “Uh,” he clears his throat. “We are.”

The waiter regards you both with suspicion and Reigen visibly prepares himself to argue with the guy. If you're honest, you'd really rather not cause a scene in an establishment like this by allowing him to fight with the first member of staff he comes into contact with.

The restaurant is clearly not made for people like the two of you: it's modern and luxurious, filled with mahogany and crystalline chandeliers, and all the staff look like they've smelled something unsavoury. It's clearly an upper-class joint.

Still, you think it might be nice to take advantage of an opportunity like this and you don't really want to spend tonight by yourself. Besides, you'll never hear the end of it if this gets screwed up and frankly, pretending to be on a date with him is probably as close to the real thing as you're going to get.

Reigen opens his mouth and you take his hand before he can get himself in trouble, slipping his arm around your waist and leaning into his side. He stiffens, looking at you in surprise, but you ignore him in favour of giving the waiter your best loving smile and lean into him.

Reigen smells like musky aftershave and something that’s distinctly him, and it makes your mouth water. “He's just shy,” you laugh, laying it on thick. “Of course we're a couple.”

It's important that you sell the idea first, Reigen had told you after you'd floundered a sales pitch once. Convince them even a little bit and the rest of it sells itself.

The advice is sound enough and you decide that the situation calls for a little more manipulation in order to close the sale and get the fucking stupid shrimp your boss wants. If nothing else, this'll teach him a lesson for tricking you into things. You press a chaste, but decent, kiss to the corner of his mouth and shoot the waiter a look that you hope conveys how much a couple in love would definitely do something like that.

You can feel your body warm up and you will yourself to stay relaxed, hoping your face doesn’t show how silly you really feel.

Reigen isn’t doing as good a job at running with things and he laughs, a little manic and high pitched. He mumbles something about you being right and gingerly squeezes your waist.

The waiter sighs and gestures for you to follow, apparently adequately persuaded.

When you risk a glance at Reigen, he's alarmingly red and slightly sweaty. All of the argumentative energy has left his sails and he seems rooted to the spot, unable to meet your eyes.

It's more than a little entertaining. You slip out of his half embrace and take his hand, having to drag him along in the wake of the waiter when it becomes clear that he’s forgotten how to move independently. “This better be the best fucking sushi I've ever had,” you warn him, but it's hard not to smile when he almost trips over his own feet on the way to the table.

♡

The meal is otherworldly.

It's a testament to how the other half live. You've never had seafood like this before and knowing you probably won't have it again seems to make it all the sweeter. Everything is ten times better than the usual places you go.

Reigen lets you order whatever you want, provided it’s on the discount menu, obviously, and he even shares some of his fancy shrimp with you. Not much, but some.

The atmosphere is nice, too. Admittedly it's very romantic, candle lit and dark, and you suppose that is rather the point of it all. The lights stay low, the music is soft, and even the sushi arrives arranged into cute little hearts.

Your company is even better. Reigen has taken you out to eat before but usually he drags you to a cheap ramen place on the way home from work, and he always makes for entertaining companionship. This, though, is new. You've never actually gone out with him for a proper dinner and the entire time you sit across from him, you can't stop the way your stomach flutters at the thought of spending time like this together. It's silly, really.

It's not like this is a real date, after all. You don’t want to push the boat too far. There’s no sign that he actually feels any way about you beyond needing your compliance for his plan and you don’t want to make an idiot of yourself by getting too into it all.

You're halfway through sharing a round of nigiri when you realise Reigen is holding your hand. You're not sure how you missed him do it to begin with. After you'd sat down to eat, Reigen had been quick to keep himself to himself. The rosy tint to his face had stayed for a long time after your little over the top display and you had assumed he’d been too embarrassed to try something similar again.

Except halfway through dinner, you realise that his fingers are laced with yours as he laughs about a comment Mob had made the day before and he seems completely oblivious to the way his thumb is stroking over your knuckles.

You don't intend to mention it. It feels nice and you can't deny how enjoyable it is to play pretend like this with him, except he must catch your line of sight because he hums into his water glass, starting like it's also the first time he's noticed it, and starts to untangle himself.

“Shit,” he mumbles. “Sorry, I didn't-”

“I don't mind,” you say immediately. You're not sure what makes you blurt it out, but you tighten your grip to prevent him from backing off and surprisingly he gives in with no resistance.

He glances up at you, taken aback, and you try to clarify your meaning with only the tiniest of white lies. “The waiter already thinks we're making it up,” you say hurriedly. “We should probably keep it up until we leave, right? I’m not getting stuck with the full bill.”

Reigen raises his brows, seemingly astounded that you're not horrified by the concept of holding his hand, and he nods quickly to hide the expression. “Good idea,” he says, tangling his fingers with yours again. “Just for a bit longer.”

The hand holding lasts for more than just a bit. Even when you eat, neither of you let go of one another and no one mentions it. Sushi is easy to eat with one hand anyway, so it’s unobtrusive and easily forgotten. In fact, it’s oddly natural.

As the evening ticks on, you both relax enough that you start to forget that you’re supposed to be acting like you’re totally in love. It’s easy to get on with Reigen. You’ve always played off of each other well and this doesn’t feel any different to how you always behave around each other.

Beyond the handholding and the way his knees bump against yours under the table, you could be anywhere with him right now and you’re not sure you’d notice the change.

You’re not sure if that makes you feel better or worse about the situation.

The menu extends to several good wines and some specialty cocktails too, and in spite of the fact that you’re both scheduled to work tomorrow, you’re not shy about indulging. A single glass for you becomes another and even Reigen takes a risk on a second cocktail once he realises they’re serving something with citrus and fizz in it.

By the end of dinner you’re both getting on for being tipsy. Reigen begs off halfway through, a lightweight as usual, and relinquishes his for you to finish instead. It's probably for the best. His face is turning a pretty pink as he leans forward on the table, the alcohol bleeding into his system nicely, and dinner has been far too nice to puke up on the way home.

The alcohol settles in quickly and as mixing drinks tends to do, it goes to your head. You're not quite drunk, but you're not stone cold sober either. You think it might be why you stop paying attention to whatever Reigen is saying and start to let your thoughts wander a bit.

He's busy explaining a job from a few weeks ago, one that according to Mob had been fairly dicey, yet as you polish off the remainder of your glass, you’re not really listening to him brag about how he’d definitely been the one to save the day anymore.

You’re far too busy admiring the view to care about his stories. The fine wine feels like it cushions your mind in velvet, warming you up from the inside out and blurring everything around you except from him.

The chatter of the restaurant has faded away and the intimate lighting makes it feel like it’s just the two of you in here, trading stories and laughing with each other.

Reigen talks with his hands a lot, especially when he's had a drink, and while he expresses how close he’d come to death for the fifth time that day, he rocks your joined hands back and forth in time with his free one.

Reigen has nice hands: they’re wide and square, strong from all of his massages, with thick, long fingers you can’t help but imagine in places entirely unsuited to a public restaurant.

You’re enjoying a mental movie of said fingers on your body when he waves his hand in front of your face. Obviously you’re not doing a good enough job at showing him the attention he so craves.

“You're drunk,” he says, amused at your embarrassed look.

“No, I'm not,” you protest weakly. The stupid smile on your face belays your dishonesty and Reigen is clearly entertained. He blatantly doesn't believe you and you hide a laugh behind your hand. “Anyway, if I am, it's your fault.”

Reigen pretends to look aghast at the suggestion. “I'm your boss, I'd never get my employee drunk,” he scoffs.

“You don't remember having to scrape me off the floor of that bar at the Christmas party last year?” That one had been a particularly messy night out, even for you. You’re still all banned from the place for being idiots.

He smirks and you can see he's recalling it in real time. “That was your fault, not mine.”

“No way, you practically plied me with alcohol,” you say, laughing. “Very irresponsible of you.”

“Shut up,” Reigen grins and nods to the bouquet that’s propped up on the chair beside you. “I’m a great boss! I got you flowers, didn’t I?”

“Only so I’d date you under duress!” You say.

“I mean, sure, but also because you never get anything for Valentine’s.”

You stare at him, totally caught off guard by the confession. For what it's worth, Reigen looks even more surprised that he's said it. “I…. How did you-”

“Uh,” Reigen rubs the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze. “I… heard you talking to Serizawa about it last week.”

You can barely remember the conversation yourself. Serizawa had been talking about seeing flower arranging classes at his school and you'd made a comment whilst Reigen had been in the other room making tea, off the cuff and totally meaningless, about how you'd never gotten them before, not even for Valentine's day. It hadn't been said for any reason other than conversation, but it had been true. Up until now, anyway.

“Reigen, I-” You don't know if you should be over the moon that he cares so much or humiliated that the object of your affection knows about your shitty dating history. “Thank you.” You say finally, giving his hand a squeeze. “I think that's the nicest thing someone has done for me for a long time.”

Reigen shrugs it off like it's nothing and you're reminded of how much you really, really fucking like this guy. He's so sweet and kind and thoughtful, and no matter how frustrating he can be, he makes up for it so easily that you can never hold it against him.

Your head swims and ridiculously, your eyes start to burn a little.

You’d really rather not cry in front of him and very graciously, Reigen pretends not to notice. Instead, he reaches for the desert menu and this time, he tells you to pick whatever you like.

♡

For the last stretch of the night, the two of you share mochi and a couple more cocktails. The wine is a little heavy for dessert and Reigen talks you into splitting drinks so neither of you get completely wasted.

You're using them and his accidental confession over your flowers as an excuse to show a little more affection than you ought to, and he doesn't give the impression that it's a problem for him. He does start a little when you press your ankle to his under the table at one point, but at your apology and attempt to move it back, he catches your foot between his and holds it there without comment.

The casual touch becomes a subtle form of footsie without either of you consciously meaning it to and by the time dinner is done, you're sitting with your legs slotted together. Despite the fact you've let go of each other's hands to eat, everything feels much more intimate than it had at the start of tonight.

On the last few pieces of mochi, Reigen pauses his chewing. “You've got-” He gestures to his lower lip and you realise he's signifying that there's something on your mouth. “S'not much.”

Your hand flies up to seek out whatever he's talking about and you're mortified momentarily, expecting something obvious and gross clinging to your teeth, but your fingers come away clean with only a little powdered sugar on the tips.

“Oh,” you say, with a relieved laugh. “I guess I've had worse on them.” It isn't supposed to sound suggestive and the hidden meaning bypasses you until Reigen opens his smart mouth.

“Yeah,” he mutters, smirking to himself. “I bet.”

His comment comes out of nowhere and you almost choke on air, blindsided by the double entendre.

Reigen realises you've heard him and he turns so red you're sure he could light the entire way home. He panics a little, holding his hands up and starting to stammer out an apology until he realises you're laughing.

It's more than a little funny and you really don't don't mind. In fact, you suddenly wonder how far you can get him to take things. If he's making jokes like that, you're intrigued to see if you can coax out a different side to him. Just because he's your boss, that doesn't mean you both have to be uptight and on your best behaviour all of the time.

And anyway, it's all in good fun tonight. Couples are supposed to flirt, aren't they?

“Are you trying to push my buttons?” You ask, sucking the sugar from your fingertips and smiling over at him.

Reigen's eyes follow the motion and he clears his throat. “No, I-” He glances up at you, eyes searching yours, and you can almost hear the bell go off in his head when he realises he's safe to mess around a little.

A slow grin begins to bloom on his face and, slipping comfortably back into a playful attitude that you always enjoy being around, he shrugs. Reigen sits forward to lean on the table and props his chin up on his fist. “What are you gonna do if I am?” he asks, smirking. “Report me?”

You mirror him, leaning on the table too, and feint innocence. “No idea,” you say, layering on the helplessness. “Maybe. Maybe I’ll have to call HR and tell them my superior is bullying me….”

“Oh yeah?” Reigen's grin grows, cocky and lopsided. “Unfortunately,” he says, taking your hand again without acknowledging it. “I run that department too.”

Biting your lip to hold back a laugh, you duck your head and take the bait he's so clearly dangling in front of you. “Then I have a complaint to make about my boss….”

“Your boss?” Reigen says, tilting his head and pretending to recall who you might mean. He's extraordinarily good at committing to the bit. “Oh, you mean that really good looking, powerful psychic guy?”

“Uh huh,” you laugh softly and you run your toes up his ankle under the table. “Super powerful, very handsome.”

Reigen's eyes dart down toward where you're touching him, unseen, and he clears his throat again. “Handsome, huh?” He says, playing it as cool as he can. “How handsome are we talking?”

“Oh,” You smirk, shrugging one shoulder. It's hard not to break into giggles, not least because he's so cute when he thinks he's being subtle about fishing for compliments. “Enough that I don't mind him pushing a few of those buttons, I suppose.”

You know you're supposed to be joking around. All of this is a joke, a game, and yet…. The way he's allowing your touch, letting you do it back to him, it's impossible not to keep pushing.

Reigen's brow twitches and he grins. “And what if he pushed them harder?”

“I don't think I'd say no,” you sigh happily. “I like my buttons pushed pretty hard.”

“Careful,” Reigen warns playfully. “I heard he's bad news.”

You laugh under your breath. “He's not that bad once you get to know him.”

“You think so?” Reigen asks, eyes searching yours. Nonchalant, he takes your hand again and turns it over until your palm is facing upwards so he can draw slow circles on the soft skin

The sensation makes you shiver. Distractedly, you chew on your lower lip and nod. “Don't tell him, but I think he secretly likes being nicer than he gives himself credit for….”

Transfixed by your mouth, Reigen bites down on a grin. “How do you know what he likes in secret?” he says quietly. “I bet you've never even asked….”

“D'you think he'd tell me?” You say, toeing off your shoe to push your foot past his trouser leg and curl it around his calf. It's risky and stupid, and you can't even play it off as part of tonight's front, but Reigen doesn't seem to mind at all. “If I did.”

Something has changed in his gaze and all of a sudden, it doesn't feel like you're acting the part anymore. The two of you are very, very close together now and the air feels charged, like it's full of static that's pulling you towards him. He's only a few inches away from your face and you can smell the sweet scent of lemon on his breath.

Reigen is still trying to play it cool, working hard to maintain his composure as though he isn't sweating nervously. “Maybe if you show him yours, he'll show you his.”

“Yeah?” The din of the restaurant is distant and muted, like your head is full of cotton wool, and all you can concentrate on is the way he keeps licking his lips.

Reigen meets your eyes again and there's a tiny glimmer of hopeful interest in them. He doesn't appear to be joking anymore. “Go ahead,” he mutters. “Run it by me first.”

You're practically touching noses by now, leant across the table in each other's space, and if you were to tilt your head only a tiny bit, to pull on his hand, to drag him down onto you, you think you might be able to finally get the real kiss you've been dreaming of since you-

“Are you ready for the bill?”

A voice cuts through the woolly atmosphere, loud and abrasive, and both of you almost fall off of your chairs in sheer surprise, jerking away and righting yourselves in your chairs. You whip your foot back, Reigen stops touching your hand, and the intimate air abruptly feels broken and ruined.

“Apologies,” says the waiter, not looking very sorry at all. “But we do need the table.”

You can barely look up at the guy, face burning hot. It feels like you’ve been caught in the broom closet with your boss, doing something far worse than winding each other up, and Reigen seems just as embarrassed. Awkwardly, he takes the small, folded piece of paper from the waiter and reaches into his back pocket for his card.

♡

Reigen pays the whole bill and when you attempt to offer your half, he looks at you like you're insane. Typically, you split the bill with him whenever you go out to eat. He's a cheap bastard and you know better than to expect anything less, but he refuses your offer the second you hold out your own card.

He doesn't even complain about it, either, apparently just happy to have achieved his goal of qualifying for the discount he's been aiming for all night.

Once everything is settled, Reigen calls a cab for you both to share and the whole time you wait for it, you stand arm in arm with him, grinning like idiots and laughing together about cheating the system.

The taxi arrives quickly and in it, you sit closer to him than necessary, warm and toasty against his side.

The journey is quiet to begin with. You're sated and full, and still a little tipsy, so the silence isn't unpleasant. Slumped down in your seat, hiding your face from him, you can't stop turning over the memories of the dinner. He'd been so close to you, so within kissing distance, and you're too nervous to say anything about it in case he laughs you off.

What if he was just playing along? you think silently. What if I'm reading into it? The thought is nauseating. Perhaps you've sold the idea of dating him a bit too hard….

At your side, Reigen clears his throat softly and you shift so that you can see him properly. He’s sitting so close to you that your head is practically on his shoulder, and he looks down at you with a small, soft smile.

“Thanks,” he says quietly. “For coming. And for, y'know, going along with it. I hope it wasn't too weird.”

“I had a lot of fun, Reigen.” You laugh quietly. “Thank you. It was totally worth it.”

Reigen snorts. “I think we sold it pretty well, too,” he says. “Especially, y’know, on the way in.”

Oh, you think. The kiss.

“Sorry,” you duck your head and laugh, awkward. “I didn’t think he was gonna let us in and, well, you told me to make it work, so….”

He doesn't say anything and risking a look back up, you see that Reigen is watching you closely again, just as he had in the restaurant. Reigen smiles slightly, so warm and soft that your stomach feels like it might climb up your throat, and he looks down at your mouth again.

“Maybe I need to call HR,” he says with a half-laugh. “Kissing a subordinate is probably against some kinda law or something.”

There’s a playfulness in tone, like he's joking and simultaneously trying to see what your reaction to such a comment will be.

You decide to test the water. “Depends on whether the subordinate is into it, I guess….”

Reigen smirks, teasing, and a little bit relieved that you're not backing off. “I dunno, they didn’t get the chance to tell me.”

You realise he’s talking about the conversation you’d had before you had been so rudely interrupted, and your nerves flutter. Tonight has been full of flirting and teasing, and if you're still playing stupid games, you suppose you might as well go all in and see what happens.

You're both tipsy enough that you can play it off if he doesn't go for it. “Well,” you say, biting your lip. “I guess I'm pretty partial to a redhead. Especially if they’re in charge of me.”

“Yeah?” he says quietly, smile growing.

“And men with big mouths that they can't keep shut, too,” you smirk, glancing down at his.

“Noted,” he chuckles, his breath ghosting over your face. “Anything else you like?”

You look back up at his smug expression and decide you can't let him get too ahead of himself. “And swallowing.”

Reigen makes a funny noise, strangled and hoarse, and closes his eyes for a moment. “Fuck,” he murmurs. You can see his throat bob up and down as he tries to compose himself, and when he finally opens them again, he looks like he's struggling to keep it together. A blush crawls up his throat and the look in his eyes is so hungry it makes your knees go weak.

“Fuck HR,” Reigen says, and then sways forward slightly with the motion of the car and, leaning the rest of the way into your space, he ducks his head and kisses you.

Your eyes flutter shut and he cradles the side of your face, turning your head so he can get you exactly where he wants you.

It’s soft and nervous at first, like he's still not sure if he's making the right move and he pulls away almost as soon as he makes contact, only to return without hesitation for a second and a third at your insistent sounds. The chaste kisses become deeper as he lingers, slow and unhurried, and you can taste the sweetness from your desserts and drinks.

It’s so unbelievably fucking perfect.

You press your tongue against his and he gives a low groan, his hand finding your thigh to pull you closer. The kisses keep coming, his fingers trail upwards, crawling closer and closer to your lap, and you drag your teeth over his lower lip when he pulls away to breathe.

Reigen looks like he's had more than just a couple of cocktails to drink now; his face is redder than ever, his gaze glassy, and he's panting against your mouth like he's run a mile. You press another kiss to the corner of his lips and you shift in your seat, encouraging his hand to explore even higher.

He does as he’s asked, thick fingers slipping up between your legs and he leans down again to keep kissing you while he teases you through the fabric of your clothes.

You sigh into his mouth. His touch doesn’t feel like it’s anywhere near enough, the sensation dulled by your stupid fucking outfit, and you try to press up into him to seek out more.

Reigen laughs at your desperation, mumbling a stupid comment about being needy, and you bite his lip again in warning. “Careful,” You whisper, reaching over to palm him through his slacks with a smirk. “Don’t get smart.”

Reigen chokes out a grunt and his hips buck up of their own accord. He’s already hard, tenting his slacks, and you're not about to let him think he's in charge of the show. “HR won’t be happy if they find out I didn’t get my way,” you tut, rubbing his cock up and down slowly. “Then you will be in trouble.... And we don't want that, do we?”

Reigen hisses, eyes dark and pupils blown wide. He stares you down, challenging your gaze, and he smirks at your unwillingness to let him get away with being an asshole. He goes to kiss you again, surging forward, and then the taxi driver clears his throat very loudly.

You're yanked back into your surroundings. The car is parked up outside your apartment, engine running, and the driver is watching you in the mirror. He doesn't look very impressed. “You kids mind taking this somewhere else?”

You cover your mouth with your hand to stop yourself from laughing and grab your bouquet of flowers, flinging open the door while Reigen grabs whatever cash he has in pocket and flings it into the driver's tray.

He scrambles out of the car, darts around the back and grabs you by the hand, dragging you away and ignoring the guy's shouts of how much he's overpaid.

You only live on the first floor. Your apartment is small and simple, so much so that it hardly qualifies as much more than a shoebox with a kitchen attached, and you have to shuffle around in the hallway in order to let Reigen get inside.

He passes down the hall and makes his way into the main room, and once you’ve locked the front door you go after him. He's hovering about in the tiny living area, hands in his pockets as he inspects your room, and you drop the flowers on your coffee table whilst he’s busy.

This is the first time he’s been in here. On a proper night out, you tend to crash at his if you can’t make it home; it’s marginally bigger than yours and the cab is cheaper, which means his place always wins out. It’s a new experience to have him in your space like this.

“This is nice,” Reigen says awkwardly, gesturing to the apartment at large. “Cozy.” He seems a little stiff, unsure what to do now that he’s here.

You snort, coming to stand in front of him. “What are you, an estate agent?” You put your hands on his chest and guide him backwards until his legs hit the edge of your bed, and he falls back with a soft thump!

Willing and able, Reigen makes room for you between his legs. He pushes himself up on his elbows and looks on as you begin to undress. Your movements are slow and deliberate, never once looking away from him, and you can see his breathing pick up in pace.

He’s hypnotised by every move you make. You shed your clothes until you're in just your underwear, exposed to him, and climb carefully into his lap. You take off his glasses and lean over to deposit them on the bedside table before going back to him.

Reigen's hands come up to hold your waist and he boosts himself upward to restart his feverish kisses. He's ungainly and needy, licking and biting his way back into your mouth while you start to strip him of his dress shirt. You make quick work of the buttons, slipping them out with deft fingers and peeling the fabric away.

You tug at the back of his shirt until it slips free of his slacks, hands wandering over his lower back as you explore his soft skin. Much to your delight, the muddy freckles on his face continue down his shoulders, cascading onto his upper arms and spattering the pale skin like paintbrush flecks.

Reigen's body is slight. Narrow and slim, yet soft at the edges. He isn't very muscular; you know he runs on the weekends and you suppose he stays reasonably fit in order to chase after the others at work, so there's a subtle hint of strength hidden underneath the puppy fat of his stomach.

It's more attractive than it has any right to be.

Without breaking away from his kisses, you slip your hands down his chest and work your fingers under his belt until you reach the buckle, blindly undoing it with practiced skill.

The metal gives way and you slide the leather from the pin quickly to give yourself easier access. You're about to do the same to the buttons when he pulls away from you panting hard and clinging to your hips.

You try to chase his mouth, still pressing open mouthed kisses there while he tries to speak.

“Wait, wait,” Reigen says, voice hoarse. “Hang on.”

“Are you alright?” You ask, leaning back to make sure he's okay.

Reigen looks bashful, eyes searching yours. He goes to say something and then stops himself, visibly nervous about whatever he intends to say. "I…" He sighs, closing his eyes to steel himself. Whatever is wrong, it’s enough for him to reconsider what he's doing.

He doesn't move you off of him, but he suddenly looks like he wants to hide away somewhere. His flirty confidence from earlier is gone, replaced with the same shyness he'd shown when you had kissed him at the restaurant.

You take his face in his hands and force him to look up at you again. “Reigen, what is it? If you're uncomfortable, we can-”

“No!” He shakes his head, wrapping his arms around your middle to keep you still. “It's not that, I just…. I'm-” Reigen groans, not out of pleasure but embarrassment, and he buries his face in your shoulder. “I haven't really…. Done this. Before”

“What, fuck an employee?” you say, laughing quietly. “It's alright, I was just kidding about making a complaint, I-”

“No, I mean this,” he mumbles into your shoulder. “Sex.”

You push at his chest until he has to sit up, revealing his cherry red face. He's uncharacteristically out of his depth and you're confused as to what he's saying . “You mean, like, it's been a while?” You ask.

Reigen grimaces, shaking his head. “Like, ever.”

“What?” You don't mean for the shock to show so obviously. He’s clearly already struggling and you gaping down at him like he’s mad won’t help the situation, however the idea that he’s never had sex before is utterly insane to you.

“I’m sorry,” Reigen apologises, avoiding meeting your eyes. He shuffles like he means to get up, jostling you about. “I didn’t wanna say anything, I know it’s stupid I can just go-”

“Reigen, stop,“ you put your hands on his shoulders and he stills, nervously glancing up at you through his lashes. He looks like he expects you to laugh at him, to kick him out now that you know his secret. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t think it’d be a good topic over dinner,” Reigen huffs, rolling his eyes. “It’s embarrassing, obviously.” He’s very obviously humiliated by his admission and it makes your chest ache to see him so uncharacteristically vulnerable.

His point is valid enough; tonight was supposed to be fake, it’s not like there had been any need for him to tell you anything of the sort. Still, you feel a little bad for pushing him so much now. Admittedly it’s a surprise. He always seems to know what to say and being able to talk the talk usually gets you pretty far when it comes to sex, but the more you think about it, the more it starts to make sense.

All throughout dinner, he’d been happy to shoot the shit with you when he’d thought it was just a game, however the moment you’d done anything that even bordered on actual affection, he’d been decidedly less confident. Even in the car, his touches were hesitant and his kisses were unskilled.

You run a hand up his chest to soothe him, watching his tense shoulders relax. “Idiot,” you say, fond. “I don’t care.”

Reigen raises his eyebrows. “You don’t?”

“Not even a little bit,” you smile, leaning down to kiss him again.

Reigen doesn’t stop you. He breathes out heavily through his nose, gradually beginning to calm down, and you decide that things will have to go a little differently than you’d originally intended. “Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” You murmur.

He nods quickly and you trail kisses from the side of his mouth down to his jaw line, open mouthed and hot, and he tips his head back with a groan. His skin tastes slightly salty, probably from sweating so much around you, and you drag your teeth over his pulse point.

Reigen sighs happily. He squeezes your hips, grabbing them gently and digging his blunt nails into the skin.

You slip out of your bra and toss it across the room. You stop bothering his neck in order to sit up, and you guide his hands up from your hips to caress your chest.

His big hands grope at you, squeezing experimentally as he explores the new sights, enjoying himself immensely. It makes you keen under his touch and he grins, his bravery growing at your enjoyment.

You unbutton his slacks whilst he's busy touching you up and slip a hand into them to palm at him through his underwear. Reigen grunts and presses his hips up into you, seeking friction to rut against, and you push down to meet him.

He gasps at the contact, his hold on your hips tightening, and before he can get carried away with dry humping you, you tug at his slacks and force him to stop. “Take these off,” you instruct, climbing off of his lap to give him room.

Reigen scrambles to shove off his trousers, kicking them away with his underwear and shuffling back into place, lightning fast. His eagerness is horribly endearing and it makes you grin. You slip out of your underwear and push him back against the pillows. “Lay back,” you smile.

Reigen does as he's told and with him flat on his back, you can finally see him as exactly as you've imagined. A trail of deep red hair leads down to a small patch that surrounds his thick cock, well kept and neat.

His thighs are curved nicely, long legs stretching down to hang off of your bed, and they show far more evidence of his exercise than his upper body. Regardless, he's gorgeous from head to toe. It drives you insane and you drink in the view for a second.

Reigen begins to look a little self-conscious at your attention. He squirms under your scrutiny and you're quick to settle his fear, straddling his waist and kissing him again until he forgets all about his worry.

You trade touches with him, hands roaming over one another as you make out for a while and Reigen's bravery begins to grow. He's encouraged by your soft sighs and casual exploration of his own body, and quite bravely he walks his fingers down from your hip to your bare pussy.

Your breath catches and you look down to him, giving him the silent go ahead.

Reigen bites his lower lip. He looks excited and shy all at the same time. Very carefully, he runs his fingers along the soft folds of you and studies your face to see how you react to his touches.

You gasp and tilt your body towards him, opening your legs to give him better access to you. His fingertips meet wetness and he makes a soft sound, both interested and surprised, and he trails them through your arousal.

Reigen is so busy investigating the feeling that he seems to forget that you're attached to the other end. He toys with your pussy, listening to you gasp and moan, grinning to himself greedily.

“Reigen,” you whine, reaching down to cover his hand with your own. “Put your fucking fingers in me before I-!”

He does as you ask, pushing one into your cunt and silencing your command. You moan loudly and push down onto his hand, desperately seeking more.

“Should I just….” Reigen looks a little awkward, unsure how to proceed, and with your hand that holds his wrist, you guide his finger in and out slowly.

“Keep doing that,” you sigh. “That's perfect.” The motion makes you shudder and you grab at his shoulder with your other hand. Reigen works his hand up and down, slow and steady as though he has all the time in the world.

You’re so wet that he hardly has to wait to add a second finger and you encourage him along to keep him calm.

Reigen appears to be enjoying the praise you give. His cock is hard against your hip, precum smearing against the skin when you shift, and he rocks into you in time with his fingers.

As he moves his digits within you, you lean back to take hold of his cock, squeezing him gently. Reigen practically mewls when you do so, cock twitching in your grip.

You bring your hand back to spit in it and gently, you coat his cock until it's wet enough to glide your hand along smoothly, starting to stroke him.

Reigen gasps and bucks upward into your hold, desperate for more as he grips the sheets with his free hand. He adds another finger into you carefully, watching your face with barely concealed awe. His fingers inside you burn in the best way, and Reigen's digits curl perfectly to hit your sweetest spot, making you cry out.

He pauses for a second, frightened he might have done something wrong, and you shake your head at his silent query. “Don’t stop,” you say, breathless.

Reigen nods and moves in time with you for a minute, unable to look away from where you sit above him. His hand speeds up as yours does and within minutes, Reigen is falling apart under your touch.

Worried he'll get carried away, you lift up off of his hand and guide his fingers out. At first, he protests with an annoyed grunt, trying to snatch you back down, and you shove him back by his chest, grinning.

Reigen looks confused until you shift backward to hover over his cock and he catches on quickly.

“Ready?” You ask, making sure he's okay.

Reigen nods quickly and takes hold of your waist. “Fuck, yes, please.”

You can't help but tease him a little, rubbing the head of his erection over your cunt for a moment and watching how easily he works himself up with unrestrained glee.

He goes to say something smart and you seize the chance to catch him off guard. You ease your weight down onto him until finally, you're completely filled by him. It feels so good you cry out and pitch forward, bracing your hands on his chest.

Reigen chokes out a moan, grip on your waist tightening, and he screws his eyes shut. He tenses for a moment, trying to calm himself before he can manage to go on. As much as you'd like to let loose, you force yourself to be patient. If he's never done this before then you can't ride him too hard to begin with. He'll come in five seconds flat and you're desperate to feel him for as long as possible.

“Relax,” you coo, covering his hands with your own. “Look at me.”

Reigen manages to open his eyes and you smile, reassuring. “Take a deep breath, don't panic.” You say, running your thumbs over his hands. “You're doing so well.”

Reigen blushes and manages a sheepish smile, breathing in and out slowly.

After a long minute, Reigen nods for you to go on, and you lift yourself up and down slowly, thighs straining as you move. He watches you in disbelief for a second, like he's committing the sight of you to memory, and a big grin crawls onto his face. “Fuck,” he gasps. “You're so fucking hot.”

The compliment is unexpected and you feel your face warm up. Having his fingers in you feels like nothing in comparison to the way he's looking at you right now, hungry for more and leering at the sight of you on his cock.

You can't stop yourself from smiling and you roll your hips forward, slow to begin with. Each move has you both moaning and sighing, encouraging each other to give more and more until you're not sure who's fucking who anymore.

Reigen's eyes roll back when you speed up, eyes fluttering to stay open. His fingers are digging into your skin and the thrill of being bruised by him runs straight to your pussy.

The room fills with only tiny moans and sounds of fucking; No smart come backs, no more faking, just pure pleasure and excitement.

With a good pace set, you run your fingers over your clit, sighing happily as you circle your touch. It feels so good that you can't even focus on keeping rhythm, your hips stuttering a little.

Reigen seizes the moment to take charge of the moment instead of letting you control the movements, and he fucks up into you. His confidence is unexpected so you barely have time to process what happens, falling forward and leaning on his chest for support. His gaze moves from your face to where your tits bounce, and back up again. He meets your eyes and the sight of one another is enough to make both of you laugh.

He sits up a bit and presses your foreheads together, kissing you over and over, messy and uncoordinated as he gets closer. You both make soft little sounds, panting into each others space like you're desperate for air, and as your fingers work furiously over your clit, you begin to feel a coil build in your stomach; you're so close you feel like you might explode, and you cry out when Reigen snaps his hips particularly hard.

It's enough to force you over the edge and you tighten around him, body shuddering as your climax hits you. You moan his name loudly as the waves wash over you and the sensation is obviously too much for Reigen, because he buries his face in your neck and makes the most obscene noise you've ever heard.

It's somewhere between a sob and a moan, but his voice breaks halfway through and he bites down hard on your neck to stifle himself.

You can feel him cum inside you, cock twitching, and you collapse forward onto him the second he's done. Both of you go limp, lying pressed up against each other as you try to catch your breath again. Neither of you move for a while and it isn’t until you feel your thighs begin to cramp that you decide you’re going to have to get off. You lift up off of him carefully and you both groan at the loss as he slips out from you, cum trailing after his soft cock, and you flop beside him on the bed.

Reigen looks thoroughly fucked. His hair is astray and his mouth is red, lips bitten and slightly swollen from all the attention you’ve given them throughout tonight. You know you probably don’t look much better, but you’re so exhausted you can’t bring yourself to care.

You shuffle up into his side and Reigen tucks an arm under you, pulling you in close. Your eyes are growing heavy against your will and Reigen drags your leg up over his hips to make you more comfortable.

He draws circles on your skin with his thumb, breathing slowing to a normal pace. The silence is comfortable and calming, and you’re almost drifting off by the time you manage to speak again.

“You okay?" you whisper, peering up at him.

Reigen hums, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Yeah,” he says, sounding entertained. “Very.”

You laugh quietly to yourself at his smug face and snuggle closer to his side. He squeezes your upper arm gently and presses a soft kiss to your forehead.

"Are you?” He asks.

“Definitely,” you sigh happily and close your eyes. “I think we went above and beyond to convince that place tonight, don’t you?”

Reigen smiles into your hair. “Eh, maybe we should go out a few more times. Just to make sure.”

You grin into the crook of his neck. “Sure, if you’re paying.”

Reigen chuckles and gives your ass a gentle slap. “Only if you show me how much you really like swallowing.”

“Deal.”

[renthony]

On "Consuming Content"

Every now and then a post crosses my feed that follows the vein of, "you have to do things other than consume media or else you'll be a dumb person who doesn't know anything about how the real world works and does nothing but pointless fandom stuff."

I hate those posts for three major reasons, not counting the inherent ableism and classism of "you must have approved Smart People hobbies or else you're worthless" rhetoric:

You don't know what people do or talk about outside of what you see on their social media. Responding to fandom communities on a fandom-driven website as if all these people are one-note cardboard cutouts of people is asinine. In many cases this genre of post feels like repackaged 2012 tumblr "not like other girls" and hipster discourse. Yes, yes, you think you're better than everyone else on this website because your hobbies are less mainstream, more morally pure, and have greater intellectual merit, we get it.

What do you even mean by consuming content? As someone who purposely avoids using the phrase "consuming content" because I find the term too vague to be useful, please be more specific. Are you including every single form of media engagement and art enjoyment? Are you just talking about mainstream TV and film? What about novels? Plays and scripts? Nonfiction books and instruction manuals? Do you mean to imply that going to a book club is a worthless non-hobby? Are you including academic reading? Are you including going to the art museum? Going to the theatre, concerts, or other performances? Taped liveshows? Watching sports events on TV? Are you including news media? Are you including YouTube tutorials about how to do various tasks, crafts, or other hobbies? Are you including trade magazines? Are you including industry publications in various fields? What constitutes "content," and what constitutes "consuming" in this discourse? Define it. "Consuming content" is a nothing phrase that people use to mean multiple different things depending on what they, personally, judge as valid media. It's a buzzword at best, and when the same buzzword can be used to describe both "idly scrolling social media" and "reading and discussing a book," it's a meaningless phrase.

As an artist and author, if engaging with media is bad and worthless, am I supposed to conclude that making it is equally worthless? If "consuming content" is a bad, lazy, worthless, fake hobby, what makes creating art a worthwhile pursuit? If I am constantly being told as an artist that engaging with media isn't a worthwhile pursuit in its own right, and the people who want to engage with my art are just brainless fandom losers, what incentive do I have to make that art anymore? Furthermore, to everyone reading this paragraph and thinking, "that's not what content creation is," I refer you to bullet #2: If the phrase "make content" can be used to mean "low-effort posts made to advertise cheap and useless products" as well as "being a novelist" or "getting a gig as a writer on a TV show," it's a meaningless phrase.

None of that is even getting into issues such as the way influencers are preyed on by both brands and targeted harassment from trolls. Influencer culture has major issues, but boiling those issues down to "stupid vapid young people who are too lazy to make real art or get real jobs" (which is a mindset I see frequently online) is unhelpful. So many people pursue influencer deals because they're living in poverty but are skilled at various social media and advertising related tasks, and just like any worker, they're being exploited because they need to eat. Labor rights for influencers are a huge topic that entertainment industry unions have been actively discussing and working toward. (Related links for further info: [x] [x] [x] [x])

"Consuming content is not a hobby" is a worthless statement unless you define what you mean by both "consuming" and "content." Quite frankly, you also need to define "hobby," because if you're putting requirements on what is and isn't allowed to be a "real" hobby, you mostly just seem like you're moving goalposts and defining "worthwhile hobby" as "hobby I, personally, think is good." Use more specific language to articulate your actual problems with the entertainment industry, the art world, influencer culture, or whatever else you're actually upset by.

Media and fandom can involve any number of enriching, satisfying hobbies that take up a perfectly acceptable and healthy space in someone's life. If you aren't into it, go find hobbies you do like and stop policing how other people spend their precious free time in this nightmare hellscape of a world.

[mustardyellowsunshine]

In today's episode of Shut Up Robin, Nobody Cares:

InuKag bickering is so good because it's deeply telling of how comfortable InuYasha and Kagome are with each other at almost every stage of their relationship.

For starters, contrary to seemingly popular belief, arguing does not inherently signal dysfunction. It can sometimes signal the opposite: it demonstrates a level of intimacy and trust in your relationship that you are able to openly disagree with your loved one. You are not afraid of conflict because you know it won't break the relationship. In my experience, at least, it's shaky relationships that avoid conflict at all costs. When there's not enough emotional security with each other to openly disagree without fear/anxiety, open conflict never happens. That's why "arguing like an old married couple" is a cliché: it's the people who've built trust and security who will bicker like that.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it doesn't feel great to be in conflict with a loved one, even in a secure relationship. But being able to navigate conflict together in a way that eventually leads toward understanding and compromise is the sign of a strong relationship. Arguing is often a step in that process.

Which is why I find InuKag arguments absolutely, lip-smackingly delicious.

When they first meet, their arguments have the distinct flavor of, "I don't like you and I don't care what you think about me." Which is an excellent vintage tbh, full-bodied flavor with refreshing tartness. 👌👌 There's something so intrinsically entertaining about watching early-series InuKag butt heads, all the while knowing they eventually get married. And because early-series InuKag doesn't especially care about the other person's opinion of them, they don't hold back: there's no politeness barrier between them, there's no equivocating or filtering. They just have at it. They're not afraid to be themselves around each other, even when they dislike each other.

Then when their friendship begins to form—stage two InuKag 😁—their bond is forged from the two-pronged fire of 1) having each other's backs in life-or-death situations, and 2) experiencing the humdrum quotidian moments that come with traveling together all day, every day for long stretches of time. I've talked about this before, but I love how they know all the dumb little things about each other that you only learn from prolonged proximity: they know the timbre of each other's snores at night; they know how long the other can go without food before hangry-ness rears its head; they know which posture signals irritation or exhaustion, which facial expression signals daydreaming contemplation or a playful mood; they know which jokes will get a laugh and which insults will get the sharpest glances; the little intimacies abound!

By the friendship stage, InuKag bickering takes on a slightly different flavor. There's still that unfiltered, no-holds-barred vibe about them (because they're so used to being blunt with each other), but it also has the tenor of easy familiarity. Friends falling into the same low stakes argument they've had a hundred times already. There's not often any real heat or tension to the bickering, it's more like rote muscle memory. And when they do have real arguments, with real tension and emotional stakes?? It's delicious precisely because there are emotional stakes now! Goodbye, "I don't care what you think about me," hello, "I care so much what you think and I hate it and you're going to hear about it." It's still arguing InuKag, but with different emotional fuel sparking the arguments. Now there's affection and trust underpinning their unfiltered way with each other. It's mmm mmm good! I can eat it up all day.

And as the series progresses, and InuKag begin to develop obvious romantic interest in each other—stage three InuKag, yes it's terminal—the flavor of the arguments gets deeper because now those emotional stakes? They're even higher. And yet despite the higher stakes and the messy complications, they're still not afraid to butt heads. They're not afraid to be blunt and hash things out. I love this example of InuYasha's hack-and-slash style of conflict resolution. If there's a wall between him and resolving the tension, he'll just punch his way through it. 😂 Another favorite of mine is this banger scene where Kagome bluntly calls InuYasha out on his jealousy.

But probably my favorite stage three InuKag fight scene is this one, from chapter 310:

(Full scene here.)

Man, it's so good! Kagome—after taking pains to save Kikyo, who then essentially taunts her for it—starts to feel angry and resentful and then wallops InuYasha with those feelings. (Before any haters pipe in: characters need to make mistakes sometimes. This is one such occasion. Let the 15-year-old girl character make a mistake ffs.) And what does InuYasha do? He sticks around so they can hash it out. The best panels in this chapter are Kagome thinking, "He probably hates me now," only for her to look up and see him right beside her. He can handle her mistakes and flaws, because he knows Kagome. They've spent 300 chapters building trust in each other, and we see the fruit of that here. InuYasha knows very well that Kagome cares for him—cares so much that she's risked her life for him many times over by now, and cares so much that she just saved her own romantic rival partly for InuYasha's sake (but largely because she's just a good person). I think that's why he handles this moment with pretty good composure. He knows Kagome doesn't actually hate him, briefly hurtful as that comment surely was. So he waits until she's processed her feelings a bit more, and they talk it out. (While we're here: I really like that he's sitting close to her but is facing away from her, like he's trying to give her the space/privacy she needs to process her feelings without actually leaving her alone... ugh I love it.)

Notice how, even in the midst of this fight, they start checking in with each other, putting the other person's interest before their own. Kagome sincerely urges InuYasha not to "hold back," the subtext of which reads to me: "Don't let my outburst tie you down, please do what you need to do." InuYasha responds in kind (his subtext reads to me: "Be honest, don't just put on a brave face for me") and also reassures Kagome's underlying anxiety. When he says, "You saved Kikyo, right? Then she'll be fine, I'm not going after her," he's speaking directly to the source of Kagome's insecurity—he's telling her in no uncertain terms that concern for Kikyo's safety was his only motive for seeking her out. Now that he knows Kikyo has been healed and isn't in imminent danger, he's not going after her. Again, he is intentionally addressing what he knows to be the source of Kagome's outburst when he says, "You healed Kikyo? Then I don't need to see her." To me, his message is pretty clear: "I wasn't looking for Kikyo for the reasons you think."

Like! Look at them! Openly and honestly communicating! Messily sharing their feelings! Resolving conflict and talking shit out! They've come so far. 🥹

These stage three InuKag fights feel different than their early-series fights, and they should! InuKag have built trust and love, but with that love comes vulnerability. It's the people we love who have the power to hurt us most. So even while InuKag have fundamental trust in each other, they're both aware that their feelings come with greater potential to hurt each other. And watching them navigate that tension and that duality together? MMM MMM GOOD.

Like truly, InuKag fights at every stage of their relationship are my favorite thing, it's all such good food.

[bratdotcom]

LEON KENNEDY'S DUMB FLIP PHONE

( Older!Leon Kennedy x GN!reader || no specific Leon specified but definitely older than re2/re4 era !! Him n' his stupid flip phone ♡ )

“You need glasses.” You comment over his shoulder, watching as Leon’s eyes narrow to the point where they're squinting, his tired blues stay trained on his phone, quickly thumbing the keypad to switch between letters as he typed. “No I don't, they make me look old.” He says back, angling the screen of his flip phone, pure concentration on his face as he speaks. You smile a bit as you watch him, the bridge of his nose peeking through his bangs. “You need contacts then,” you correct, leaning a bit closer to see what he's doing. 

“Don't look. And I don't  need contacts either.” Leon shields the screen of his phone away from you, keeping it close to his chest. “Why?” Despite his words, you lean closer to see what he is typing. You can't see much, besides the bluish glare of his screen.

At least he wasn't using that damn Nokia anymore. You could barely even see the screen on that thing. It was as large as his palm, seeing him pad the numbers on that thing to call Chris was its own form of entertainment. An extreme sport, even. How the hell did his fingers not cramp up from texting you during his missions?

“You can't look yet.” Leon says with a giddiness in his tone, a somewhat rare thing to see especially after coming home from a long, tiring day at work. The apples of his cheeks perk up as he smiles to himself, using the keypad on his phone to scroll through…something. You still didn't know what the hell he was talking about. 

You see the giddy look on his face, the way his blues shone like he was finding something for the first time. Leon's had his phone as long as you could remember giving it to him. Which left you with more questions than answers. Your weight shifts as you rest your back against the couch cushions, arms folded against your chest as you wait. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

Until finally Leon shows you what he was trying to hide from you for so long. A long list of kaomojis. The blond seemed proud of himself, showing off the brightening bluish glare of his screen with a big, proud smile on his face. “What do you think?” He asks with the same giddiness in his tone from earlier. Your eyes scan over the various emoticons, cats, dogs, even bunnies. You subconsciously smile to yourself, having no idea that his phone even had the capabilities to do something as cute as this. “It’s cute, Leon.” you say, smiling a bit more as he scrolls through a roulette of kaomojis, some of them starred. Who knew, the Leon Scott Kennedy loved using silly little cats and smiley faces in his texts. What a man. Your man. 

 “Bet your phone can’t do this.” he teases, waving his phone screen in front of you. As if having a flip phone in the age of touch screens was some sort of flex. Even though there were countless apps that could do what his phone could, none of them could compare to the smile on the blond’s face as he showed you his little catalog of silly emoticons. You let the man have his fun, nodding along as you lean in to kiss his cheek. “Yeah, it can’t.” you say in reply.

[olderthannetfic]

i'm dumb and its actual hard to guess

--

Haha.

Okay, so... the big issue in minority languages, reviving dying languages, etc. has to do with their draw.

To keep a language vital, you generally need:

monolingual speakers

economic advantage

cultural power

Pick two.

Any language that has its own territory where it is the majority language that is used for business and entertainment and daily life outside of the home does not tend to become endangered. There are plenty of people who only speak that language or who at least preferentially use it and are far more competent in it. They can't and won't run off for other languages at the drop of a hat.

But when you don't have that... boy, you better have a lot going for your language or it's fucked.

People go where the jobs are. If you need English in order to eat, you learn English. Or Mandarin. Or Russian.

Grandma cares deeply about our ethnic heritage and the traditions tied to our ancestral language? Too bad. I'm hungry, the jobs are in a factory in the city, and I need a roof over my head.

My kids want to watch TV. They want pop music and movies and comics. They want to feel cool, not like losers in some dying backwater.

Why the fuck would they care what grandma thinks?

...

Until they hit 40 and they realize their entire heritage just got stolen by the big boys. Who even are they because they're not this majority they tried to join, but they're not the old thing either? Gosh, it might be nice to reclaim their own history, but grandma is gone and so is her language and it's far, far too late.

--

If you don't have the territory and the economic power, your only other option is coolness.

If you've got some hot culture people love, they'll want to learn your language. Native speakers will take pride in that language and keep using it routinely instead of relegating it to the kitchen and living most of their life in another language. Their kids will grow up wanting to speak it instead of beating a hasty retreat for the nearest source of jobs and blockbuster movies.

This is why you get initiatives to make entertainment media in languages like Irish and Welsh.

When the sheer might of English is right next door, you're not going to beat that in usefulness or economic opportunity, but you just might be able to strike back by making people care.

It is very, very hard to make people care.

--

So on AO3, which is largely in English, if you want your ASL fic to matter, the last fucking thing you should do is make it available in English. Other languages, even super globally powerful ones, just aren't so common on AO3, so those translations don't really make a difference in this context.

The ASL translation of an English-language AO3 fic is a curiosity.

An ASL original that English speakers cannot access is a middle finger up to language hegemony.

[thetxtdevil]

ok this might be a dumb request but ughh please bear with me bc I had this dream of it and oof it was hot ✨️😂 ok so yeonjun being lucifer, the big devil man finds out he has a soul mate, who is yn, and he like commands her to give him all of her and live with him in the underworld and during their sexy time she said yes 😅 it was spicy! But yeah I'd appreciate it in your writing style lol

This gives me Hades and Persephone vibes, love this idea.

also this has some religious themes so be aware!

--nsfw--

Yeonjun is a king, an evil barbarian that rules the hells, feeds off people’s fears of one day ending up in his kingdom being his faithful servant. Standing on a porch of his crumbling castle, he looks over the fiery fields finding the screams... boring. Yeonjun needed something, was it blood? revenge? no, it was sex! His blood curdles more than usual thinking about taking time for the devil himself. He had all the supplies and people to please him but he wanted something more.

Thats when he decides to travel up to the mortal world. Amongst the transportation, dark hues of red changes to earthy browns then Yeonjun is hit with the aching brightness of God's creation, the sun. Yeonjun's burgundy skin turns tan, his crisp hair into raven black silk, black eyes turn into softer brown ones, and his usual exposed body was covered by a black suit. It was time, time to find his soulmate.

Walking around the town he was transported to he finds humans entertaining, and weirdly crime increases since he's been there. Yeonjun laughs at the innocent people being controlled by evil something they're not used to so they end up doing a poor job of stealing a car, throwing rocks that miss, being caught in their lies. Yeonjun's attention from the dreadful sight was caught when he sees you. You were dressed in all black just like him standing in front of a church. He watches closely to your expression, it was full of disgust. Yeonjun was surprised, a beautiful angelic women like you in distaste looking at such a holy thing.

Yeonjun glides closer to you, "Disliking the view?" you chuckle at the man's question.

"Uhh yeah, is it that obvious?" you stop to look at the man and fall embarrassed, he was devilishly handsome.

"I was never one for God's good deeds and begging for them." You quirk an eyebrow at the man's comment. "I'm Yeonjun, what brings you to this sickening church?" he asks but already knows why when you shake his hand, he saw your uncle arrive in hell not too long ago.

"My family member died and well, I don't have a good background in the church"

"That makes two of us" Yeonjun's smiles warms your heart, slight flutter fills your stomach when you see a hint of his fangs from the toothy grin.

This is the girl, this is his soulmate, now how to make her to go to hell with Yeonjun, he's going to have to figure that one out in his own terms.

---

The cold air envelopes the town as the sun fades away and the night is in full bloom. After the funeral, you spent the rest of the day doing errands but sulking about not asking out the beautiful man.

You twist and turn in your bed not being able to sleep, but you must have drifted off when you lift your head to see a shadowy figure. The moon's rays in your room usually shine cool blues but right now the room was illuminating red. The color takes over your vision in a haze suddenly feeling hot. Paying no mind at the sleep paralysis demon you start to take off your clothes stopping yourself from getting overheated.

You look over at the shadow once more too comfortable with its presence, "What, are you an incubus or something?"

A dark chuckle escapes the shadow making you shiver, "Oh y/n you know exactly what to say."

Yeonjun gets closer to your area of vision, crawling on the bed to hover over you. You lost all common sense, you felt no reason to ask how he got in your house, you didn't stop his hand from caressing your naked skin, you even failed to care that he was undressed this whole time. His feature were so close to yours, admiring his seductive eyes, the curve of his cheeks, his plump lips that were so close to yours. You try to lean in for a kiss but he backs away.

"Before you can have me, you have to give me all of you and live with me in the underworld for eternity."

Conflicted, you stop for a moment, giving up your whole life for a man you just met? You weighed the pros and cons but the longer you let the devil wait the more you mind begins to fog. His hands explored your body, lightly pinching your nipples, digging into the plush flesh of your thighs, lips turning into bites against your neck. You have forgotten your place on earth, Yeonjun wasn't heaven he was lustful hell that you fully have given into.

Yeonjun relaxes your body down into your sheets kissing you passionately. You open your eyes to look at him again only to find that your weren't in your room anymore, you were in hell. Blackened cobblestone walls surround you, with arched windows that look down to a world like looked like you were inside lava.

Looking back at Yeonjun his tan skin was now red, cheek bones heightened, forehead adorned with long sharp horns. You accepted you fate with your soulmate as you wrap your hand around his big cock lining it along your wet aching hole. "For eternity." The devil smiles pushing into you, deliciously stretching you while biting deep into your collarbone as a sign of claim.

A nuisance,

TxT's Devil

taglist: @inkigayocamman, @naoristerling

[loudclan-clangen]

The healer kits are all pretty close! They are often left to their own devices while their parents tend to an emergency, so they're used to entertaining/distracting each other. Dogwoodpaw and Rosehippaw always take turns playing with Cavekit and keeping an eye on what's going down, and Cavekit knows to back off when Rosehippaw starts having a coughing fit.

C'mon guys give him a break. They only flirted like... a couple of times. Plus, she's so cool, she's like THE reason the clan found the Black Water Pool. Who could blame him for having a bit of a crush on her???

You are not dumb. It's just that a lot of people think it's Owlstar... Like a LOT of people.

I am sooo (╥﹏╥). She may not have been starclan's specialest little girl but she was mine! Honestly though those kids would have been SO messed up if she had been allowed to raise them. Like yeah this is definately psychologically scarring but maybe its for the best tbh. Isn't he handsome? The sweet one with the white on his face? He's the oldest of the batch.

Okay, I know that you retracted this but, DON'T BE SORRY YOU'RE SO RIGHT??? Like YES. Being Rosehippaw and getting screwed over at every turn despite having two devout parents who did everything the way they were supposed to, and then to see Eklutna just carelessly endanger herself and her kits because they're "special" and "starclan will save them" would be AWFUL! Like is she not important enough for starclan to save her??? It could easily push someone over the edge.

First and foremost, Fiercestripe is worried about the well being of the kits. Once they're out of the woods then she'll turn her attention to the culprit.

Very well thought out theory, I wonder when would the kits' parentage be revealed? When they are old enough to take over as deputy or when Owlstar dies and they need to take his place?

[lowkeyrobin]

hiii so im very sick right now (allergies💔), so could you maybe do like mcyt comforting/taking care of a sick reader? thank youu -🦢

omg sameeeee eugh ; but yeah, thanks for requesting! ; hope you feel better 🦢 🫶❤️ ; cast is short bc I didn't have anymore ideas lmfaooo

MCYT ; sickly

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, & maxggs

warnings ; language, mentions of throwing up, allergies/flu/fever symptoms

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

giving you lots and lots of soup / tea & honey

he does not give two shits if he gets sick, he will be giving you love and affection

he's making sure there's a trash bin / large bowl at your disposal for any... bodily fluids /ns

he has to go get you more tissues and literally spends 15 minutes in the store debating which ones you'd want

he can't even ask cause you're asleep for once and doesn't wanna disturb you

"i got four flavors of throat lozenges because i dunno what you like"

runs you a warm bath every day you're sick

you're basically quarentining together let's be honest

2020core!-

RANBOO

again, a sweetheart

they're not getting within a 6 foot radius of you cause they don't wanna catch anything from you

"its allergies, I'm not contagious"

"you don't know that"

buys the entire pharmacy for you

straight up calls his mom because he doesn't know what to get you

in their defense, what's the difference??

makes you watch asmr videos when you're dealing with headaches cause your sinuses are fucked

they're actually really entertaining

there's a whole rainbow of medicines so they organize it in rainbow order while you're asleep

FREDDIE BADLINU

there's now a whole row of soup in your pantry

literally the only liquids you're drinking for a week are water and tea 😭

there is no shame in this game, he couldn't care less if you throw up cause like, you're sick, why would he judge?

always making jokes/saying dumb shit to make you laugh

but then you start coughing and choking on mucus and then he feels awful

tweets that your "cough sounds like a dying squirrel" 💀

not afraid to cuddle with you or anything once he realizes you aren't contagious/ remembers he has a good immune system

(he ends up sick as well)

might as well be March 2020 again cause the amount of wet wipes he has laying around is wild like calm down

MAXGGS

feels so bad that you're sick

he was blowing pollen in your face so he feels like he's to blame (it's just the seasons changing)

he'll make fun of you plenty tho

so many sick selfies 💀

"which flavor do you prefer? cherry or grape?"

"neither tbh"

"cherry it is then"

"just take a throat lozenge"

"I'd rather die"

if your hair is long enough, he's holding it back when you're throwing up

lots of just trying to physically make you feel better

and lots of joking and watching funny shit on YouTube

[dufferpuffer]

honestly I don't even blame the intense Marauders fans for making the boys barely seem like friends.

How many lines are there (that wasn't said to each other) where teenage Sirius and James were not being absolute pricks...? They're such insensitive assholes. In their heads it really was James & Sirius and then everyone else in the world. Remus and Peter are included but constantly disrespected.

And like of course they were friends, and had each others backs - but there's a power dynamic in that friend group, and its James and Sirius are kings and Remus and Peter are useful for entertainment. Toxic lil teenagers. Dumb asshole kids.

But that's exactly the point, right? Every time we see a memory of the past, its to show the opposite of what Harry thinks: - James and Sirius were actually quite nasty - Remus wasn't a role model, - Peter was a bit of a victim, - Severus is honest - and straight up correct most of the time

I think the unfortunate thing in fanworks on this era is how they treat this dynamic as golden. As fine. They were the bestest and tightest of friends, the toxic shit was all stable and normal and good... and the only way to have that make sense is to twist who the characters are.

- James has to be a labrador who barely knows what he is saying. - Sirius has to be a drama queen to say insensitive things. - Remus has to be a grumpy badass to be so quietly defensive. - Peter... well they just ignore Peter. When he is there they have the others love-bomb him to make up for the abuse. - Severus has to be the worst otherwise the marauders look bad. But its more interesting that it wasn't like that! That the group fell apart! Remus separated after school, there was a rift between him and Sirius - Peter was such a fourth wheel he wasn't loyal at all - Sirius was almost TOO loyal and reliant on James, too dedicated - and while James loved Lily he was still irresponsible and selfish.

IDK its 4am and I'm rambling. I guess seeing so much stuff of pallid, pale, sickly Remus as a butch tanned teen scowling at people... it gets to you at 4am. I think, if you wanted a more assertive Remus to have hot sex with Sirius (if teenage sex can ever be hot...?) leaning into their characters would be cooler. That's my 2 cents.

“I’m bored,” said Sirius. “Wish it was full moon.” “You might,” said Lupin darkly from behind his book.

There's fire in that. There's dissatisfaction and annoyance and bite - alongside Remus' general meekness. There's disregard from Sirius. Idk. Feels like that's a cool angle to work with.

[mixelation]

reborn au: end of the chunin exams (some notes + 3k writing)

tonight i've been trying to choreograph the end of the chunin exams. to review, tori and kushina attempt to sneak off to retrieve morino ibiki from captivity during the tournament, but kushina is captured by iwa. tori manages to run off, and they mostly let her because she's a dumb genin child.

things that happen that i didn't write:

tori also has chakra poisoning, and he manages to mitigate the effects by reactivating her anti-genjutus seal, bc it basically scrambles her chakra. this means she's limited in what jutsu she can do.

deidara and itachi are fighting each other in the tournament, so tori has a while to sit in the stands and Plan

tori realizes that even if they rescue kushina and get away, iwa will blame them for any violence and this could turn into war. her solution is to track down kisame and mangetsu and have a hysterical break down about iwa kidnapping her sensei. she doesn't ask for help but she DOES ask they tell the mizukage what happened

she also convinces mangetsu to give her a scroll, which she makes a seal in

when she gets a hold of itachi and deidara, they have an argument about priorities. tori only cares about saving kushina, but itachi wants to complete their mission, and deidara points out they're loose ends iwa will be hunting down as soon as they get an opening

they end up splitting up: tori goes to get morino, itachi goes to find kushina, and deidara goes to distract iwa by showing up to the tsuchikage's booth (where he's entertaining foreign guests) and screaming at him. tori tells him to make sure he lets the foreign guests hear about iwa kidnapped his sensei, and then also don't blow them up???

deidara briefly fights oonoki and them flees to find tori. tori can't transport morino via jutsu without kushina, so they load him on a bird and fly out of iwa in search of itachi and kushina

itachi uses the power of genjutsu and murder to basically walk out of iwa with kushina. but because deidara made a huge scene, iwa knows there's an escape attempt and they send the demolition corps after them

and then this is what i wrote:

Tori peered over the side of the bird. The wind battered her hair, strands partially obscuring her vision. Kushina seemed so, so far away, a little smear of violent red curled up at Itachi’s side. 

“Shit,” Deidara swore next to her. “Do you know if Itachi still has his mangekyou?”

Tori had no idea. She didn’t remember him mentioning it at all. She didn’t see him getting out of this alive without it. 

Tori had her seal in Mangetsu's scroll all ready to go too, just in case. Its weight on her belt suddenly felt like lead. She had the solution, but she was up here, when she needed to be down there. Her eyes stayed focused on Kushina, like if she stared hard enough, the solution for instantaneously getting her seal down to them would magically appear. 

Are you a kunoichi or not? she heard Kushina ask. 

Oh, right. 

“As soon as I've activated the seal,” Tori told Deidara, getting to her feet. “Go nuts. But don’t jostle Morino too much.”

“What seal?” Deidara asked, but Tori was already diving off the bird. 

Tori had always been a little bit nervous, right before jumping off a diving board. But once her feet were off the board, she’d always felt the nerves vanish as she gave herself up to free fall. 

This experience was not like that at all, possibly because the fall was long enough that Tori had enough time to realize she was about to seriously hurt herself. What was she supposed to do for extreme falls? Relax her limbs and push out a bunch of chakra and pray? Who on earth could relax in a situation like this? 

Also, she didn’t even have access to her chakra.

“ITACHI!” she shrieked as the ground rushed to meet her. She pulled the scroll off her belt.  “CATCH ME!”

Itachi turned, and Tori caught a split second of his horrified face before she slammed into him. The scroll went flying as they rolled together, catching itself in the surrounding thorny shrubs. There were shouts of alarm from the Iwa-nin around them, and then a flash of red as Kushina made a belated movement towards them. 

The seal activated, and the shrubs unfolded around them. Tori heard a yelp of surprise from Kushina as the shrubs curled away from them, spindly branches raising up and flooding the air with chakra. A pink doom formed around them, just in time to absorb the first explosion.  

Itachi rolled off of her, sending her a disparaging look. More explosions harmlessly bounced off the barrier. 

“You dislocated my shoulder,” Itachi accused. 

Tori sat up with a lot of effort. She had definitely fractured a few things herself. 

“I know how to fix that one,” she told him.

“Tori,” Kushina said, eyes wide as she stared up at the dome. “What the fuck.”

But the barrier was solid, enclosing them in relative calm as the explosions outside suddenly ramped up. Deidara had joined the fight. 

Itachi shot Tori several withering looks as she set his shoulder, but besides a single grunt of pain, he kept his mouth shut. Kushina got very uncertainly to her feet and wrapped her knuckles against the barrier. 

“Why’s it pink?” she asked. 

“Because…” Tori answered, “someone… told me I couldn’t make it pink…?”

Kushina let out a single, loud laugh. 

Deidara’s assistance did not last as long or as thoroughly as Tori had hoped. He was unable to approach as closely as she knew he would if he weren’t also babysitting an injured man, and he wasn’t bothering with his more intricate sculptures that could aim better. His bird hovered above them, out of range of explosions from the ground, but he eventually stopped dropping his own bombs. 

“He’s low on chakra,” Itachi said, squinting up at the sky with his sharingan. “He’s likely choosing to maintain the bird over offensive moves.”

Deidara was a monster, but he was only eleven. Also, he might have fought the Tsuchikage earlier? Tori wasn’t sure how that had gone down. 

Kushina finally got shakily to her feet. “Does he still have enough to fly us out of here if we make an opening?”

“Yes,” Itachi said after a moment. “But, I don’t have enough chakra unless we–”

“Don’t worry, you did enough,” Kushina said, flashing her teeth. “I can take it from here.”

“But your chakra–”

“I’m over it,” Kushina assured them, cracking her knuckles. “Tori, take down the barrier and both of you get ready to run.”

“You don’t just get over chakra poisoning,” Itachi objected, but he did nothing to stop Tori from reaching for her scroll. Instead, he drew his sword with his uninjured arm. 

He didn’t end up using his sword at all. The moment the barrier flickered away, the ground exploded into gold chains, reaching up and whipping around them like the bamboo forest she’d grown up in. Itachi’s eyes widened slightly in shock, and Tori had to grab for his shoulder to keep from falling over. 

The disappearance of the barrier caused the number of explosions being hurled at them to ramp up, but the chains easily deflected them, even managing to throw some wads of clay back at the demolition corps. 

Kushina stood in the middle of it, red hair billowing around her, hands clasped in front of her to focus her chakra, which was fine, apparently, against all medical knowledge Tori had. 

“Due east,” she yelled at them. “On my mark.”

More chains fanned out, zipping through the hard earth like it was Deidara’s most moldable clay. Tori heard the scream of an Iwa-nin being grabbed, followed by another and then another. The screams cut off as soon as they started, bodies crushed by Kushina’s chains. The shrubs around them rustled as chains snaked through them, searching for victims, and as Iwa-nin started to flee. 

“NOW!” Kushina yelled. 

Itachi grabbed Tori's arm and ran. 

“Why are you so slow?” he snarled in her ear as they went. 

Tori had shut off her chakra. She wouldn’t be modifying her run with chakra at all. 

They didn’t need to be particularly fast, though. Kushina followed behind them, covering their retreat effectively. The movement in the shrubs stopped eventually. If any of the demolition corps remained, they’d gone still and silent. 

Deidara flew his bird above them, then eventually took it down low enough for them to hop on. A few minutes later, they were high in the air again, panting and staring at each other. 

She could not believe they’d lived through that, and gotten Morino and Kushina back. 

Then again, if anyone was going to do it, it would be them. 

“Kushina-sensei,” Deidara said after a few minutes. “You’re kind of badass, yeah.”

Kushina laughed. 

Deidara pushed himself to get them across the Earth Country border before he landed the bird. The bird dropped Morino less than gently, and Tori yelled at Deidara and hopped over the side of the bird to tend to her “patient.”

With the adrenaline faded, Tori was becoming more and more aware she was hurt. Her landing jostled her injuries and she let out an embarrassing squawking now. 

Morino blinked up at her, eyes glassy as he lay prostrate in the grass. Tori kneeled next to him to make sure his pulse was still normal. That god it was, because if it hadn’t been, she didn’t really know what she could do about that, besides maybe slap a stasis seal on him and pray. 

“Is Konoha recruiting insane children now?” he asked roughly. So, at least he was still alive. Tori smiled weakly back at him. 

Deidara’s bird poofed out of existence, and Deidara himself laid down in the grass as well. 

“We need to keep moving,” Itachi said, although he was also clearly exhausted. “Iwa will not want any of this to get out. They’ll have no issue crossing a border to pursue us.”

“Shut up, Itachi,” Deidara said. “Kushina-sensei, tell him we need to rest, and he looks like he could collapse at any moment.”

“Kushina-sensei,” Itachi said, turning to her. “Tell him– Kushina-sensei?”

Kushina was still standing, although she was staring unfocused off into the distance. 

“What?” she said, noticing her genin looking at her. 

“Are you alright?” Tori asked cautiously. 

“I’m fine,” Kushina said, then swayed in place a bit. Her expression faltered. “I, um. I’m maybe more tired than I expected.”

“This is why we need to move,” Itachi insisted. 

“He’s right,” Kushina said. She buried one hand in her hair, pushing it away from her face as her brows furrowed in thought. “What if… we cheated?”

“Cheated?” Itachi repeated. 

“We’re out of Earth Country, so I think it’ll be okay,” Kushina said, more to herself than to any of them. “He’s probably noticed we moved suddenly already, anyway.”

“What–” Itachi started to demand, as Kushina closed her eyes and made a hand sign. “Sensei, this is highly unprofessional–”

Itachi choked on his words when the Hokage appeared. Itachi also drew his sword again, in an act of panic which Tori thought was just a little bit funny. 

(Deidara, meanwhile, had sat straight up again.)

Minato appeared very tense, one of his three-prong kunai drawn, but he relaxed when Kushina threw her arms around him. 

“Darling!” she cried. “Darling, we’re fine, but everything went to shit.”

Itachi twitched a few times as Kushina leaned back from her embrace and started explaining everything to Minato. 

Ah, his inner control freak upset, Tori recognized of Itachi, and then haggardly got to her own feet to limp over to him. 

Probably as a result of jumping off a bird, her side was killing her. Breathing was only a little painful, but walking hurt. 

“Hey,” she said, poking Itachi’s side. “Why don’t you go see if Morino is stable for transport?”

Itachi scowled at her. Tori was more qualified to make that assessment on every front, and he knew it. But also she was giving him a mission-relevant thing he could do. 

“You have a really scary face,” Tori informed Itachi when he didn’t immediately answer her. 

“Oi, don’t baby him,” Deidara groused, having gotten to his feet as well. 

“I’ll be back in a flash,” Minato said, kneeling over Morino and setting a hand on his shoulder. “Welcome back, Morino-san.”

“Wait, Kushina-sensei,” Deidara said when Minato and Morino were gone. “Are you telling me you could have summoned him this whole time?”

(“Does he… have a catchphrase?” Tori wondered and was ignored.)

“Well,” Kushina said, blinking at Deidara. “I mean, yes? But Minato entering Earth Country would be an act of war–”

“WHO CARES?” Deidara yelled back at her. “Kidnapping you was already an act of war, yeah! Why the fuck didn’t you just summon him earlier?”

Kushina’s expression hardened. “Deidara, the last thing I want is for a war to reignite on my behalf. I know it’s hard for a kid to understand, but--”

“I understand that you think your ideals are more important than your team,” Deidara hissed, and Kushina looked taken aback. 

Oh, ouch, Tori thought. What a way to get directly under the skin of a Konoha-nin. She needed to de-escalate this as quickly as possible.

“Deidara, we’re all stressed,” Tori defended. “Kushina-sensei made the best call she could, and she knew we could handle--”

“Uh, no,” Deidara disagreed immediately. Then he grabbed Tori’s wrist and pulled her closer to himself. Tori winced as it jostled her movement. Turning back to Kushina, he said, “Tori’s your subordinate and a genin, and you left her to organize your rescue and the rest of your mission, when you literally didn’t need to.”

Tori was so shocked at Deidara suddenly defending her that she was momentarily at a loss for words. She didn’t say, But I could handle it, and you know it. She didn’t say, But if the Hokage had gotten involved, the situation would have become so fucked he’d probably have to pick one person to save and leave the rest. 

She didn’t get why he was upset about this one thing in particular, when he’d seen her run screaming through equally tricky situations before and come out fine. But… oh, he’d seen her cry, hadn’t he? 

Did he really care that much?

“My intention was never to put that much responsibility on Tori,” Kushina responded, just as Minato reappeared. “Tori, I apologize we never discussed this more clearly, but Itachi is an ANBU captain. The chain of command falls to him next.”

Minato’s head swiveled to look at them, clearly trying to piece together why the air had gotten so tense in his absence. Deidara gripped Tori’s wrist tighter. She was… very tired. 

“I think Itachi did technically take command,” Tori said eventually. She pulled her wrist free of Deidara. “And I appreciate you defending me, but I can make my own decisions about what I do.”

“I didn’t take command so much as Tori put a plan into motion and then told me about it,” Itachi deadpanned. Kushina, who had not yet heard their side of the story, looked startled at this revelation. “Speaking of which, Hokage-sama, there’s a few key things you should know before you do anything else.”

And that was that Tori’s first move had been to make sure as much of the international community knew what Iwa had done as quickly as possible. 

Both Minato and Kushina looked mildly horrified, which was not the reaction Tori would have predicted. She thought this had been a pretty good move, given the next thing they’d done was “fuck up as many people as possible.” Now whatever happened next, Iwa couldn’t claim innocence. 

“I don't think she realized how outside of her purview it was to make such high-impact claims to foreign powers,” Itachi said in his perfect monotone. “I apologize for failing to intervene earlier.”

You agreed with me! Tori thought, and Deidara bristled. 

“I’ll willingly take any punishment meant for this inappropriate behavior,” Itachi finished. 

Oh! Tori thought. He was on her side. Okay. 

Minato pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“We will talk about Tori’s fast and loose decisions about Konoha foreign policy later,” Minato said. “For now, I think I have to have a chat with whoever is approaching.”

The Iwa-nin, when they came into view, numbered about ten of whom Tori assumed were Iwa’s best and brightest, minus their Demolitions Corps, which may or may not exist any more. They froze on the horizon when, presumably, one of them recognized Minato. 

“Hi there!” Minato called, waving at the group. “Does your leader want to come over and talk to me?” 

No one moved. 

“Or do you want me to come over there?” Minato offered, projecting his voice across the field, and Kushina had to hold up her hand to hide a grin. 

Someone eventually paced over to them. It was a kunoichi with a somber expression and dark hair tied back in a tight bun. 

“That’s Kurotsuchi’s cousin,” Deidara whispered in Tori’s ear. 

“What are you doing outside of Fire Country, Hokage-sama?” the kunoichi asked stiffly. 

“We have a free passage agreement with Grass,” Minato said, friendly smile not slipping an inch. “And I’m helping my wife and her exhausted genin pass through. What are you doing here? Did you finally negotiate your own free passage agreement, or are you perhaps on a mission sanctioned by Grass?”

The kunoichi didn’t say anything, her lips thinning. Tori was pretty sure the free passage agreement was more complicated than Minato was making it sound, but it was more of a leg to stand on than Iwa had if this conflict moved to a more international stage. 

“I have to say,” Minato continued, “my team didn’t think very highly of your village's hospitality.”

The kunoichi resolutely lifted her chin and looked Minato in the eyes. 

“No matter what you do to us here,” she said, “the world will know you attacked us first.”

Minato raised his eyebrows. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I think the world already knows you attempted to kidnap my wife. My shinobi assured me they were very loud about it.” He produced a kunai from his sleeve and casually twirled it around his finger. The tag on it shone extra white in the sunlight. “I think Mizukage-sama would side with me pretty quickly if I lost my mind in a love-fueled rage, don’t you think? She’s supposed to be a bit of a romantic.”

The kunoichi had tensed, her gaze focused on the kunai. Minato twirled it one more time and then it disappeared back up his sleeve. 

“But, fortunately for you, my wife is fine and standing here, with me. Tell Oonoki I’ll be awaiting his apology and explanation, and nothing else.” Minato’s grin widened, showing teeth. “Now, run along, won’t you?”

The kunoichi retreated as quickly as she could and still keep her pride. The five of them watched as she rejoined their group, which then retreated. 

Finally, Minato sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. His gaze slid over to Tori. 

“Is Terumi Mei going to agree with me?” he asked, sounding tired. 

“Oh, definitely,” Tori replied. “I was pretty hysterical. Hoshigaki Kisame and his student definitely bought it, and Hoshigaki is supposed to be super close with the Mizukage, right?”

Minato’s expression turned vaguely long-suffering. 

“Do not take this as permission to do this again,” Minato said. “But that might have been a good call.”

He held out his arms and instructed everyone to take hold. Two seconds later, they were back in Konoha, in the Hokage’s office. Minato collapsed into his chair. 

“I want to give you three a break,” Minato said to the genin. “But instead I’m going to get you into a room and have you write a report for… for whatever you did. Itachi can make calls on what we need to know immediately.” 

“And what about me?” Kushina asked, leaning a hip against his desk. 

“You… get a private debrief,” Minato said. 

Deidara rolled his eyes and grabbed Tori’s arm, dragging her out of the room. Behind them, Kushina moved behind the Hokage’s desk and collapsed right into Minato’s lap. 

Itachi kicked a pair of chunin out of one of the small break rooms that were scattered around Hokage Tower, sending one of them off to get them paper and writing utensils. 

“And dinner,” he finished. “You can write off the expense to the Hokage’s office.”

The chunin ran off, not even questioning Itachi’s orders. Deidara sat, resting his feet on his table, and frowned thoughtfully at Itachi. 

“Every day you turn out to be more of an asshole than I thought, yeah,” he said. 

He didn’t sound upset about it, this time. He also didn’t complain when the chunin returned with a hot meal. 

Tori went automatically for the notebook the chunin also brought them. 

“I can just write the report,” Itachi offered. 

“No,” Tori replied, clicking the pen. “You suck at writing.”

[courtney-deserved-better]

🔥 Rajbow

🔥 unpopular opinion 🔥

i was seeing this more before/while s2 of the reboot was coming out, but they are not a super dramatic couple. like raj is at heart a good guy who may struggle to be eloquent when articulating his feelings but he still expresses them and bowie is very emotionally intelligent (when he wants to be) and they both know how to balance playing to win and their interpersonal relationships. i don't see them as a couple who is gonna get into any big drama or angst (around cheating at the game, coming out, friendship with wayne, etc) bc they are both pretty well adjusted and can probably work things out just by talking and compromising. but that doesn't mean they're a boring couple! raj is funny and sweet and competitive and dumb and bowie is just fantastic and entertaining in so many ways that them not getting into any drama together doesn't mean they're not fun to watch.

also, as soon as they got together, i expected fresh to NEVER break them up. like yes i lived through the crash and burn of the fan favorite duncney when it happened and yes it definitely colors how you watch future seasons of the show. but there's a difference between messily breaking up the most popular couple and messily breaking up the first gay couple that was used to promote the reboot and its diversity. the backlash would be INSANE. that's not to say it's equality for every gay couple on td to be way more healthy than straight couples bc gay ppl can be just as messy as straight ppl bc we're all just people. and it would be amazing if we could get to a point in td where we have enough gay couples that having messy ones and intentionally annoying ones and villainous ones is normal bc we have those kinds of straight couples. but we are not at that point yet and fresh tv hasn't been great about how they handle diversity in their shows even presently (*cough*yellowmk*cough*) but the fact that they were announcing a gay couple to the degree they were means that they have put some thought into how rajbow's story represents the show.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for scheduling 2 people to not work together because one of them asked me to?

So I write the schedule at my job. It's a great honour and privilege etc etc. Well, one of my coworkers (let's call her Sam) absolutely despises our boss (we'll call her Dean) and asked me to specifically schedule her on our Dean's days off because she stresses her out. (Sam just recently returned from a pretty lengthy stress leave.)

I think this is petty bullshit, and Sam can just get over herself and learn to coexist with ppl she dislikes (there's another coworker she despises, but it's mutual, and they simply refuse to acknowledge each other at all. Its awkward as hell being the only other person in the dept when they're working together.), but I told her I would do my best, and make no promises.

I've written a couple schedules since she's made this request, and I find myself conflicted. I don't want to start any drama, or create a situation that could lead to drama, but I don't respect this request at all.

Is our Dean a polarizing personality with a history of coming down too hard on things that aren't that significant? Yeah. Can she be bullheaded and inflexible at times? Also yeah. It's also true that she's grown a lot in the years I've known her. She's relaxed her approach to delivering con-crit and learned how to pick her battles. I think it's unfair to hold a grudge against her for things she doesn't do anymore.

And for the record, I don't dislike either party here. I just think it's dumb as shit to uproot the schedules of other members of our team for petty bullshit. And I don't want to tell Dean about this conflict because it would understandably hurt her feelings.

I'm admittedly not trying very hard to honour this request, and ultimately, if Sam can't trade shifts (which she has been doing for a while now), I'm certain she'll just call in sick to avoid working with our boss. But aita for even entertaining it? Aita for keeping it to myself?

What are these acronyms?

[neptune-scythe]

actually in an aplatonic rage because why is the message always that people need friends and relationships in order to have good lives?

And the romance/sexual side of that pisses me off too, but at least there is some bit of representation and conversation for not valuing that or not valuing it as much as other people

but even then the solution is often "yeah I don't need that because I have my friends"

???

why is the message that the only time our life can be good is when other people are involved

like other people's support and willingness to be around me does not determine whether or not my life is good and satisfies me omfg

and yes obviously I know some people do want friends and that does improve their life, this post is not about those people. some of us do not want that, it has absolutely no benefits, and actually makes life worse

love is not the greatest thing, its not the goal for everyone, relationships are not everything, friends are not everything, dying alone with no one who loves you or remembers you is not the worst thing ever, some of us actually prefer that idea

and why is that so damned hard for people to understand

especially when those same people that are trying to push the need for relationships on you will literally just use you and then dump you when they're done, even if you tried to be a good friend/partner/whatever to them

like ok maybe if you think its so important actually be good at it??? actually show me the supposed value in relationships??? or just shut up and let me live my life the way that i see is best and actually trust that i might know what's best for me and you don't

being aromantic or asexual is hard enough for people to understand, but there's even less people who are even willing to entertain the concept that aplatonic people might exist and it's just so dumb. why can't people just let loners be loners without calling them depressed or broken or probably a violent person with criminal tendencies,

especially in a world where for traumatized, neurodivergent, or mentally ill people, a lot of people just don't care enough to put the effort into that relationship, because we're too much work, we're too different, we're just too much, why are people then pissing on us for accepting that no one wants us and just living our lives without that

just let aplatonic people live our lives, we're not even doing anything like omfg stop trying to force us to be social, stop telling us our life will only matter if someone else loves us, stop saying we're just depressed and going out with people will fix us, stop trying to make us "normal" and just accept that just because we're different doesnt mean we're a threat to your way of life and need to be altered to preserve your closed minded idea of what humanity should look like, especially when the social world is filled with obligation and things you should be doing and shouldn't be doing that maybe isn't actually beneficial for anyone

we're living our lives the way that works for us, we're not hurting anyone

just let us be