#things i wont be talking to my therapist about
Text
turns out what it takes for me to bookmark a fic that uses "cass" instead of "cas" is to plunge my brain so far in the pretending to be dean space that im lost when its over
#zeph posting#this is only done with longer fics with dom cas sub dean and several scenes#i curled up in bed and cried like 15 minutes after i was done reading it and it felt like the same fucking drop i sometimes get after sex#on the verge of doing something embarassing to get myself out of this#honestly just realizing what this is about is embarrassing by itself#like oh you identify with dean and project on him so hard that it threw you into a fucking drop after reading 60k pages of dom cas#things i wont be talking to my therapist about#(lie)
1 note
·
View note
Text
y does it feel so SO wrong 2 share ur opinion???
#oh u solved the problem#urself!#like its not even about bing right or wrong its just about literally communicating & i think im doing it BAD#IM NOT AFRAID OF BING “H8ED” ON I JUST#i think i just dont like having the chance of making ppl feel bad?#or soemthing aloong those lines?#theres a line a vry easy line 2 cross#like expressing a comic book opinion right? bc its super easy 2 sway a bunch of ppl#but if ur saying smth u dont like it while some1 does it has the possibility of making that person feel bad#& I H8 THAT...idk y it makes me feel like shit????? @ the possibility???#this feels like smth i should bring up w/a therapist LMAOOOOOOO#but like same thing when i was in class right? giving a presentation i got RLLY SCARED 2 do it bc i was giving an opinion or a fact BUT I#COULD B WRONG ON THE FACT!! which is y i just never did them bc i would cry lol but its just#it kinda feels the same way#its weird bc im fine w/getting shit wrong. its only when i share an opinion when i feel stupid??????? ok not stupid just mean? i think? yea#this is possibly the reason y i get nervous sharing hcs or aus. bc it wont b “canon accurate” & then will like fuck up some1s perception id#its not like any1 reads this lashfkj i just hmmmmmmm theres defiantly smth i should b discovering here i just am not...#i want 2 share my opinion bc its a fucking opinion theres nothing wrong w/it bc its not a fact EXCEPT in the way its a fact of how i FEEL o#THINK?? like its just its strange. i think this has a lot 2 do w/me never bing listened 2 as a child LOL uhhhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah prolly akj#I FIGURED IT OUT I GOT IT ALLLLLL UNLOCKED#god i hhhhhhhhhhh some1 make a clone of me so i can talk 2 me like a therapist or smth#this is y i cant do therapy actualyl its bc i just keep yapping then by the time im done the therapist always went tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#srry ramblings
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i barely got any sleep and cried twice already, call it silly if you want, but yes its bc of the whole twitter thing, its crashing an burning and its doing it fast, trying to make people go to other websites im on has proven incredibly hard
its taken a huge toll on my mental health already, since i relied on twitter for alot of social interactions .. and it was the only website i ever gained a following that gave me a reach i never had before, not to discredit tumblr, i have been here twice as long as on twitter and love it dearly, but despite that have less than half of the followers, most inactive too, and the only posts that ever took off here where unfunny memes or self deprecating joke memes i now hate making altogether
i only really realized just how much it helped me with my chronic depression and isolation now that im about to lose it; the few friends i have now i found through twitter, despite twitter being rly unsuitable for comics, destiny has done much better there than here ..
i doubt i will ever get to the point i got over there anywehere ever again, i feel horribly powerless just watching a disgustingly rich manbaby run it all into the ground within such a short time
art is all i have, twitter was surprisingly the website i got the most recognition for it, felt like i reached people who cared about the same things i care about, ppl call it a hellsite just as much as ppl call tumblr a hellsite, but to be honest i have had very few bad interactions, most of which where more funny to me that hurtful
the fact that i can lose something so important to me so suddendly without being able to do jackshit about it is yet another thing to be horribly afraid of, as if i needed more things to be afraid of ...
#ganondoodles talks#i know its not gone yet#if you remove the pilots from a plane it wont crash and burn immediately#itll keep flying fo a bit but will inevitably hit the ground#no i have no hope of it being able to correct course in time#not with lil muskboi at the wheel#been going throguh some of my fav artist accounts to try and see if they posted about where else to find them but most dont#i guess i will just have to come to terms with the fact i will fall back into complete obscurity when it all goes down#perhaps it doesnt matte that much to others#but art and the people i have reached with it is the only thing that has kept me going#finding a bigger audience on twitter had helped me deal with my depression to a point i rarely had depressive episodes the way i used to#especially after losing my therapist#despite that i was doing much better these last few years than i ever had ever since i was a teen#i just hope i wont get suicidal again .. i was so glad to have grown past that
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.
#Sometimes I really do just honestly kind of hate her. I know it's a horrible thing to say about one's parents who care for them but it's#true. With the way that she treats me and criticises me and takes every advantage of a chance to tear me down it just really hurts all the#time. I can't criticise her because she ll fly off the handle at me and say how many things she does for me that i dont apreciate enough#But for her she can say as many times as she wants that she doesn't like my hair and she doesn't like the way I dress and she doesn't like#This the way I look and she doesn't like the way I stand and she doesn't like the things I say and she doesn't like my beliefs#She can say she doesn't like my tone of voice and that she doesn't like the way i stress out about things and im not allowed to say#A negative word about her in edgeways when she's allowed to tear me down on a constant basis and make me hate myself. As someone who really#Struggles with a lot of self loathing problems and self hatred she really does just rip into me with no restraint constantly. She knows#That I suffer with some serious rejection sensitive dysphoria that I am trying to get therapist help for and she still has no restraint#When it comes to criticising me and everything I am and everything I like. And she has the goal to do this thing where she is kind of peer#Pressures me into agreeing with the things that she says which in turn just makes me consolidate those horrible beliefs about myself in my#own head. If I don't agree with her criticism of me I can't just say so I have to not along with her and affirm to myself that those#Things are true. That I don't like my own hair that I don't like my face and my makeup and my clothes. That my preferences are wrong and#That I dress too androgynously. That I could never experiment with things like pronouns or gender and that I have to agree with societally#Homophobic undertoned things that she says because I can't bare to have her criticise me again and again and again for critisising her.#I can't do this anymore it makes me dread every time she comes into my room to talk to me about some new thing she doesn't like about me. I#And constantly stressing about how much people dislike me and how annoying I am#And the fact that I'm literally hiding the things that I want to wear from her so i can put them on when i get away from her and yet she#she will still get upset if I criticise her for making me literally hate myself on a regular basis. she wont beleive me and she'll be#Confused if I have a belief that doesn't match hers and she'll get so excited when I even possibly hint at doing something to my appearance#that she likes and knows I don't. I worry wake for comic corner she wouldn't shut up about how much my hair looks really good in a style i#dont want to cut it. If I dress in a way that's openly queer she ll act like I'm going to get#and i quote “the wrong kind of attention” Because she thinks that me even possibly being misgendered because of my clothing is a#disgusting crime and that I should be the perfect Barbie doll pink pretty princess she always wanted her children to be. She wants me to be#Someone that I can't be comfortably and she's essentially forcing me to fit this mould of her preferred child. Which obviously makes me#Despise who I am and hate my own interests and style. And as horrible and hurtful as it is to say this#I can't wait to get away from her.#sigh#vent#harsh morning
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed
#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the#guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over#and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO.#because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed.#but i wish we could#my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him.#i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too#vent#SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist#my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them.#i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it#AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room#and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes#baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying#and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it#but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie#and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much.#i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me#also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place
#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd#but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well#just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well#which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out#which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore#its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi#see the other thing is#if i talk about my mental health at all#people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint#or feel sorry for me which i also dont want#all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all#like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff#i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly#im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares#i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to#and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one#they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored#im losing my mind steadily#and thats not even onto the physical problems#but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying#‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket#if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your#fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces#sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues#but then i talk to other women and it is#it just doesnt make sense and i hate it#but i never rly got help on private insurance either so#tbd#depression cw
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
can someone put out A hit on me but instead of killing me they just come and hold me. a hired thug for a hired hug
#bo posting#vent#i am upset about things i cant articulate#or feel its worth even trying to#and thaf hurts more#to feel like its not even worth it bc i know it wont change anytbing#and i cant sleep bc of it#😄👍😁🥰😀🙂☺️#theres too many things that i fewl that way about#to a point i cant even talk to my therapist about it#bc whats the point?#and the more i think about one the more i think about all the others#that affect me current and ones that dont matter anymore#bc the ppl theyre about arent even in my life anymore#im tired if shouldering the blame for never being able to talk about shit#with anyone#when ive done so much to learn how to communicate differently and better?#but it just feels harder. and not worth it. bc the results havr always been the same#and i think i will always feel like its my fault i feel misunderstood#or dismissed. or not taken seriously. or seen as overreacting#i dont know if ill ever feel safe. seen. and heard#and i dont know if thats just because of me and my perception of my life and others#or actually bc of other people's behaviour#🤪#i cant even elaborate on what im specifically upset about because its not 1 thing#its just everything#and ik its bc its 6am and i was woken up and cant sleep bc im anxious and upset#but its keeping me from fixing this. by aleeping. bc i cant sleep
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
that's it. im writing a suicide note on linkedin
#bheart talks#suicide tw#this is a joke but indicative of how much im GOING THROUGH IT#been making an effort not to talk about personal stuff online anymore but FUCK dude#whats the point of meds and therapy if im still broke as shit#these meds wont help me pay the bills man fuck all of this i have to wait 2 weeks#to adjust the doses every time and something happens in thsoe two weeks#that sends me off the rails spiraling with a hundred new problems#i can only see my therapist for one hour once every two weeks and i just#cant say everything and honestly idk what im even supposed to be DOING there#she just says nice things to me and i waste time talking so much and then time runs out#and i walk away with basically nothjng#and i just realized they o ly prescribed me 30 pills of ritalin instead of 60#so now i have to ration these until i can get more#meanwhile i cant get hired anywhere and my job has cut my hours so bad i only got %7#i only got $70 for my paycheck#im not going to fucking make it this month#i have no car insurance no food in the house no gas in the car and no hours to work#i applied for unemployment but it's taking forever to figure out#im hemorrhaged#im doing bad im doing bad im doing bsd#literally bg3 is the only thread im hanging by this is literally the only thing keeping me together#unsure where id be without it. definitely somewhere worse thats for sure.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
man smth about escaping reality through day dreaming about fantasies that you cling onto just to get you through the day and then becoming thoroughly more disconnected to real life until it feels like the only thing that can bring you back is your fantasy becoming a reality always gets me idk
#writes this on a notepad under 'what to talk to my therapist about next session'#agh#like secret life of walter mitty newsies santa fe crazy ex gf les mis on my own rose from gypsy once upon a december anastasia etc etc#first two 100% i sob @ them every time#QUIET AND WHEN I GROW UP FROM MATILDA THE MUSICAL#THOSE TOO#and then the tragedy of getting the thing u so desperately wanted and needed for years only to realize that youre still unhappy. that the pr#problem is with YOU. and the repeating cycle of then disconnecting entirely from *that* reality to chase another fantasy that wont make you#any happier#'when i grow up i will be strong enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown up'#-miss honey in her 20s who is suffering from severe trauma and unable to escape said traum and stuck in a cycle of unhealthy repetition due#to the trauma#she was also singing this after a bunch of children who were unhappy with were they were in life and with the way they were treated sang thi#this. the entirety of the song they sing about how much they want to be grown up and how life will be better once they are and then it cuts#to this woman who has been 'grown up' for years now and who is wishing for the same thing they are. she herself sings the lines 'when i grow#up i will be brave enough to fight the creatures' etc etc#this was all over the place its 4 innthe morning im so tired just. agh.#it will never not make me cry.#rambles
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
No one gets under your skin and makes you feel sick quite like your siblings, and there's no numbness quite like the feeling of having to put a boundary firmly in place with a wide open door for them to walk through should they see it for one
#ive not always been a good older sibling to my brother and i know that. ive owned up for it and apologized and made myself open.#so that we can mend what fractured relationship we have should he choose.#but he fixates on my refusal to play nicely with family that has not done right by me for the whole of my life and bases#the entirety of our potential relationship and the memory of out mother on that on the fact i wont play nice with her kin#because they have not ever fully accepted me save for my uncles which is a new thing. and ive made my boundaries about this clear#and he pushes and pushes and says if we come together as a family it'll ease his grieving and we'll all heal together#but thats just disregarding my own boundaries and trauma in exchange for catering to the comforts of himself and the family#ive given up fighting him on that#but i asked him simply that if he needs me or wants to tell me something to just call me pr text me directly it can be short n sweet#but not to go to our parents. its insulting. ive always answered his calls. even when we fight pr have a failed mediation i always answer#and he immediately made it about how my boundaries are unacceptable so why should he bother#i give up. i know i was arrogant at 26. i know i was. i was probably cruel too. but i had made myself a doormat at the same time.#all i told him was he never bothered to talk to me as my brother or ask my about our mother without the lens of her kin#it was always about them never just about her. it was never about us as siblings just about our aunts and uncles and grandparents#he never crossed the road and came to me and said can we talk about ma and I reminded him of that. never a conversation just#him playing court jester/therapist and ignoring boundaries over and over. and even then i always answered the phone#so i told him he can pivot and change the subject all he wants. but the point of this was that if he needs me i answer.#and should he need me i will answer. but if he continues this behavior of backhanded communication#ill know he doesnt respect me and doesnt see me as his sibling because ive asked him plainly to speak to me#im fuckin tired. you try with people and they just... bait you.#the fact he looked at me and said our relatives are all he has left of ma and im his sibling will never not feel like a salted wound tbh
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
i do feel that my purpose in life is to love and care for other people. but i know i couldnt handle the stress of being a doctor and i dont want children of my own. and taking care of the house without a job of your own while your housemate(s) work is simply unfeasible today. what to do..
#uugh. ive been thinking for like a year now that i dont want to go to college but. i dunno#i might? want to be a child therapist?#bc kids scare me and i couldnt care for one medically or full time.#but i do feel very passionate about children's mental health being taken seriously and having someone there to talk thinfs through with#but again idk if id be able to handle hearing all that i would need to hear even if i was trying to help#ugh ugh#i keep. wondering if i should be a teacher. but i also want to be able to afford to eat lol#+ idk what id even teach or what age#idkkkk i feel like i wont rlly know until one of my siblings or friends has kids..#i think i just want to get paid to be someone's friend. but like by the government not my friend#i was built to love not work!!!! the curse...#wish we still lived in a world where it was feasible to have someone stay home and take care of the house.. i feel like id like to do that#bc i like cleaning and doing things for other people#uuuuuuuuuugh. world please change by the time im 18 so i can afford to be payed in simple love and gratitude#fred.txt
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love this message like kofi from the puzzle girl who messaged u on insta and it took me like 5 seconds to be like OOHH that puzzle girl theres only one puzzle girl i just have tunnel vision and never remember the positive interactions i have in this world
#my mom being like u Never remember any of the nice things weve done for u#and im like ur ded right have u ever done anything nice for me i don’t recall even Once#like the nicest thing i can think of was u driving me home so i wasnt Stranded in the middle of nowhere at 12 yrs old#we can lower the bar and say u clothed and fed me#but even that u bitched about like my sheer existence was draining#but like u know what else u did make me play couple therapist in ur marital affairs#left me alone for a whole year of my formative#years guess we wont talk about that#I COULD SAY MORE
1 note
·
View note
Text
it hurts to maintain a new boundary with someone you wanted a closer relationship with in order to protect yourself :(
#personal#always sad#always a sad bitch#my sister literally cussed me out over a taco shell#said i need to talk to my therapist#and said shes my sister not my friend#all bc i was upset she didnt spend much time with me when i wont have free time until the end of September#she gaslights me and makes me feel crazy and clingy for being upset about it#i guess i am crazy for continuing to beg someone to care that isnt going to work it never does obviously lol#so now i have to act all distant bc i dont want to fall into the trap of thinking things will get better only to be upset again#and she didnt apologize for any of the hurtful things she said#she never does#she thinks bc shes my older sister she can still talk to me like she did when we were kids#SIGH#BIG SIGH#this is why i like animals more than people
0 notes
Note
its really difficult for me to open up about things, ESPECIALLY things that could be really harmful (parents, mental health) if unchecked, do u have any advice?
genuinely i am so sorry i dont have any solid advice for you :(
umm lightheardedly tho
whooaaa dude same eyyyyy
#marble asks#um#lil#thing in the tags#hmm how do i phrase this in a way that wont get me in trouble#uhhhhhhhhhh please proceed with caution#hopefully the tags cut off#right about here somewhere???#that means you dont have to look at this#yea um recently ive been in a really bad place mentally :( and im really not sure why#i think? ive been getting ok sleep and my friends are really nice about it but i dont really want to talk to them about it bc it feels too#personal? idk anyway#uhh my intrusive thoughts have been getting REALLY bad outta nowhere#like#relating to sh :(((#and i cant really talk to anyone bc theyll like tell my parents bc “im a danger to myself” or something#uhm anyways its like#stuff like that im kinda dealing with rn too#soo i guess i feel ya :(#maybe if you can.. try talking to someone you trust?#a therapist if you have one. or a close friend or adult idk#if you really wanted i guess you could send me asks#even tho we're just strangers on the internet#sometimes it helps just to talk to someone and know youre not alone#ok the tags cut off a couple of times and i dont want to make this too long#but i believe in you! you will do great things. have a lovely day/night <3
0 notes
Text
anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.
#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else#it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m#doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school#to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive#they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor#in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks#it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering#oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
lucid-outsourcing-solutions
Lucid Outsourcing Solutions
ratllu
ratllu
bbg-proj-2020-004
MODERN BLACK MAN
paperstarwriters
Tell me a tale