#things that would be difficult for soulless sam to understand Why he is doing them. and yet he keeps it.

[quietwingsinthesky]

prompt: samifer, "my husband"

(i love your drabbles, by the way)

(oh, that's good, because i love writing them. one of the best parts of my day, really. they're not long enough to stress me out, but the exact 100 word limit is challenging enough to make them fun.)

(and uh also i made two again. lmao. to be fair to me, these are very interlocked. interpreting the prompt a little loosely? i hope it suffices.)

A small detail in the whirlwind of Sam's last day on Earth, that before Lucifer takes him from Detroit, he slides the wedding ring off his former vessel's finger.

That turns out not to have been Sam's last day at all, and then Sam's sitting across from Dean, perfectly fine (something's wrong), and there's a ring on his finger, still.

"Where did you get that?" he asks, like he doesn't already know. He wants an answer that doesn't scare him.

Sam shrugs.

Sometimes he presses the metal to his lips. Not a kiss. Like he wants a taste of grief.

~~~

Sam's wall is broken, and Dean knows, whatever his brother claims, that there's molten metal leaking in, cooling on his skin only to entrap him further. The gold band on his left hand is a constant reminder.

Dean takes it off only once, when Sam's asleep in the passenger seat. He tosses it out the window of the Impala.

That night, he wakes up to Sam kneeling in their motel room. Dean stays still, silent.

A gleam of gold in the dark on Sam's folded hands.

"…until death do us part," he's whispering, head tilted up to meet unseen eyes.

[canofspooks]

DannyMay Day 22 (Cryptid AU)

Summary: Wes gets too curious for his own good, trying to figure out what’s wrong with Amity Park.

Words: 644

Amity Park had been a quiet town, a year ago. Wes wasn't sure what had changed, or exactly when, but the sleepy town had become almost zombie-like. Strange weather, disappearances, lapses in memory, increased reports of paranormal activity… the list went on. Sometimes, Wes felt like he was the only one not overcome with the haze that had seemingly blanketed the people around him. Almost the only one.

Sam Manson, Tucker Foley, and the one they all seemed to be connected to: Danny Fenton.

He was convinced that there had to be some reason they were immune to whatever had possessed everyone else. He just needed to figure out what. So he followed them around. A lot.

It wasn't like he could just ask, "Hey, have you noticed Lancer's eyes have been looking particularly soulless lately?" to complete strangers. That was nuts! Waiting for the trio after school and tailing them on their way home was infinitely more reasonable, and involved less social interaction.

Wes kept a good distance between him and the trio while staying in earshot - not a particularly difficult feat, considering how loud Danny and his friends talked. He was hoping for any clue as to what made them different, but all they seemed interested in discussing was veganism, for some odd reason.

Were they spared from the clutches of whatever supernatural entity had gripped the town because they were vegans? Was the town's meat supply poisoned? The turkey sandwich Wes had eaten for his lunch suddenly had a very delayed, and very sour after-taste.

No, no. Couldn't be that. He would've felt the effects by now.

He picked apart the trio's appearances and tried to think of any shared traits between them. The trouble with that was how different they all were. Why were the three even friends to begin with? It felt like they spent all their time arguing more than anything.

It didn't take long for the group to disperse, leaving Wes to trail along behind Danny in a way he hoped was inconspicuous. He found a bench near Fenton's home and settled down for the long haul.

He wasn't stalking anyone, he was just trying to figure out what to do next. Yeah, that was it.

He just happened to have binoculars.

Danny didn't seem to understand the concept of blinds, so it was easy for Wes to pick out which room was his. The boy had hardly shut the door behind him when Wes could see him gripping his jaw tightly. Skin tore under the nails, but instead of blood there was a dark green ooze. Wes looked away for a moment, holding back a gag. When he turned back to look at the window, the thing that replaced Danny was gaunt, hunched. It looks more like a monster than the person who had stood there before.

Wes didn't waste time. He grabbed his bag, threw it over his shoulders, and left. No way in hell was he going to keep pressing to find out whatever that was. He was leaving town. Forever. Didn't know how, didn't know where he would go instead, but he would never feel safe taking a math test in the same room as that thing.

He stole nervous glances over his shoulder. The walk back home felt like it was miles long. When he finally reached his front door, Wes was flooded with relief.

He rushed up to his room, locked the bedroom door, and emptied his bag out onto the bed. What did he even need to bring? Food, clothes. Start with the basics, he figured. He gathered anything he could think of onto his bed and assessed how to cram it all into one highschooler's backpack.

As he passed by the mirror in the room, he froze.

There, in his reflection, the monster he'd seen in Danny's room. Staring.

[anika-ann]

In the Strangest Place (We Just Might Find Love) - Pt.2

Type: two-shot, pretty much canon

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 2750

Summary: You’re hiding from your boss in a supply closet, minding your own business, when a stranger joins you unexpectedly.

Steve is not entirely a stranger anymore; he knows about your troubles and you know about his. And he’s determined to sort out yours this very moment.

Warnings: mention of sexual harassment, a bit of angst, language, something that might be close to a panic attack if you squint

A/N: There we go... hopefully I’ll make mid-week a bit sweeter for some of you ;)

Part 1

“Alright, kids. Let’s have a trip.”

And you just stared.

…what?

“W-what?” you stuttered, suddenly consumed by the familiar feeling of losing the firm ground under your feet at the idea of trying to confront Gregory head-on. Not even Steve at your side was helping at all as the four of you started walking towards the IT department.

“I-I don’t have any prove! I can’t-- he told me he would--- that he would-”

“That he’d twist it around, convince the HR that you were crushing on him and he turned you down, which turned you into a soulless bitch craving revenge?” the billionaire finished for you and you just uselessly opened you mouth, unable to let out a word to deny it. It seemed to amuse him, because he scoffed; and there was something very bitter in that sound too. “Kid, he’s not the first asshole to take advantage of his superior position. I’ve seen the types. Relax. If Cap here believes you, then so do I. Plus, I know a liar when I see one. And you ain’t lying.”

You breathed in shakily, a flicker of hope igniting in your chest. Could it really be so easy? That couldn’t be right…

“T-thank you, Mr. Stark. I-”

“Yeah, yeah, just name your first kid after me,” Mr. Stark uttered, waving it off.

The Falcon next to you chuckled and you shot Steve a confused gaze. Was that how Mr. Stark usually was? You had never met him in person; you had only ever heard him giving a speech on TV and you knew he had a certain reputation, but this was… different.

You were surprised to find Steve watching you; perhaps he worried about your reaction to such bluntness, since he had seen your outburst in the closet. Upon meeting your gaze – probably shy and undeniably surprised – he charmed a tiny smile for you.

“It’s gonna be okay, see?”

“What are you even worried about? You have three Avengers coming with you!” Mr. Wilson questioned lightly and you bit your lower lip as you thought of the source of anxiety indeed.

Yeah, I have three Avengers and they are all men. Sue me for not being sure which side they would take – not until now.

“You’re not a full-time Avenger, Wilson.”

Falcon gasped, clutching at his chest theatrically at Stark’s remark. “Ouch, Tony. My heart.”

You let out a breathy laugh at their banter and felt yourself relax despite your better judgement. You almost let yourself believe it truly would go alright. Well, as much as dealing with such shitty thing could.

“You’re all my heroes,” you whispered timidly, which earned you a bright smile from Sam Wilson.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Cruel, Birdboy. You stole the old man’s line,” Mr. Stark hummed, amused.

“Heh! Sorry, Cap. But I’m sure you have a whole set of other lines to use on her.”

You choked on your own spit as Steve faltered in his steps, his grip on you growing stronger. What the hell did the Falcon just say?

“Oh my God, Wilson, shut up before we get stuck with another harassment report.”

“I don’t think this a subject for joking,” Steve interjected, slightly irritated, and you shot him a grateful look, because he definitely had a point.

Except… once you weren’t in such a sticky situation, you totally wouldn’t mind Steve Rogers using a line on you. Not at all. And his hand around yours felt nice for multiple reasons, the wordless comfort and support only being one of them. It was warm and slightly calloused, a reminder of his physical work, and it was bigger than yours, so sweetly and distractingly enveloping yours…

But now it was so not the time.

Your peculiar group approached the office and you didn’t even have the time to brace yourself as Tony Stark simply threw the door open, not bothering to knock.

“Thomas Ian Gregory, you are fired this very second,” the billionaire exclaimed dramatically.

You would think he was just being a drama queen, except he sounded deadly serious, using your boss’ full name which he must have read out on the door, and his eyes were throwing daggers at the man sitting behind the desk, looking as if he was the fucking king of the world.

Your boss blinked in surprise and eyed all four of you; Falcon with his arms crossed on his chest, Ironman minus his suit with a murderous glare and a hand raised towards him as if he wanted to point a finger and then Gregory’s gaze fell on your hand connected with Steve’s; you wanted to retrieve it quickly, but Steve wouldn’t let you, his grip growing firm. Anger flashed through your boss’ eyes for a second, before he composed himself and rose from his chair with an innocently confused expression.

You wanted to puke and you felt your legs turning into a shaking mess of jello. This was it. Now he would use his slimy words to turn this situation around and you were about to get fired and humiliated so much that jumping under a bus would be the most likeable option for you.

“Mr. Stark, it’s an honour. Captain Rogers, Mr. Wilson. What do I owe the pleasure?”

You couldn’t believe this--- this pig. Seriously. Who the fuck did he think he was?! How could he--- just lie so easily, pretending that everything was perfectly fine?!

But Tony Stark was not fooled by the charade and you mentally sighed in relief, sure they must have heard the weight falling off of your shoulders even in Jersey.

“I’m sure you heard me, Mr. Gregory. You quit and you’ll be hearing from the HR soon. And you’ll be damn lucky if this young lady right here won’t sue you.”

You honestly wished you were invisible when Gregory’s gaze flickered to you, subtle anger with a promise of consequences in his irises – consequences that would come should you not cut this bullshit right now.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, Mr. Stark. If this is about the unfortunate feelings my assistant has for me-”

Tears of rage and baseless shame stung in your eyes at his words and you breathed in sharply to defend yourself; before you could, Gregory continued.

“Though I can see they weren’t very… honest. Obviously my inferior seems to be the ‘love them and leave them’ type, which I should warn you about, Capta-”

Breathless at his malicious made-out theories, you did not expect Steve to drop your hand in favour to tower over your boss, making him shut up with one single glare.

Alright, you could see why he had thought that simply appearing at your office would make Gregory tremble in fear. Your boss actually backed off and learnt onto a table, looking as if he was supporting himself under the weight of Steve’s judgement.

“I met this woman for the first time not half an hour ago, hiding from you, too scared of your dirty hands to return to her own workplace. Trust me, it left an impression, just like you are leaving one now,” Steve grunted menacingly, causing your heart to pound in your chest in fright even with his words not aimed on you. “If I can give an advice, you pack your things as fast as you can, apologize to her profusely, begging for her forgiveness and you don’t set a foot in this building or speak to her ever again. Do we have an understanding?”

You weren’t the only one affected. Your boss tried to reciprocate Captain America’s glare, but he failed miserably. He visibly gulped and circled his desk, still watching the soldier as if he was expecting to get hit; then his eyes just dropped to his desk and he frantically started picking random things from it.

You watched the scene in front of you, paralyzed. Your heart was beating its way out of your chest, pulsing in your temples, your breathing alternating between hitching and picking up. Your vision started to swim.

Holy. Shit.

“Cap, I think you broke her.”

Steve spun to you at instant, his eyes roaming your face; or you thought so. He looked worried now; or you thought so. Thinking and frankly evaluating the stimuli your senses were receiving was a bit difficult at the moment.

What the hell had just happened?

Gentle hands took yours, leading you out of the room. You blindly followed, unsure how to put one foot in front of the other, your body running on autopilot.

It was over. Thomas Gregory was no longer your boss and it had happened without you losing your job. And Steve Rogers had scolded him as if he was a five-year old kid – a very pervert one, but a kid nonetheless. Steve put a fucking fear of God into him. All of that happening within three minutes. And you just… couldn’t quite process all that.

You barely registered getting into and out of an elevator, being seated on a couch, having a blanket tossed over your shoulders and a cup of warm liquid pressed into your hands. You automatically brought it to your lips, only to be stopped by a tender fingers curling around your wrist.

“Careful. It might be too hot,” a pleasant voice warned you and you blinked, finally focusing your gaze, finding rather worried and very handsome face staring back.

You glanced at the cup, surprised to identify the drink as Steve’s hand let go of yours.

“Is that… is that hot chocolate?” you stuttered, bewildered. Well, more like… astonished.

“Yeah. You’re not allergic to milk or anything, are you?”

You looked up back to Steve’s face, only to find him with his brows furrowed in concern, lips thoughtfully pursed. It snapped you to action.

“No! No. It’s just… I didn’t have one in years. Thank— thank you.”

His expression cleared, as he was evidently pleased with himself. “Good. You’re welcome.”

The words fell off his lips so easily. As if he just hadn’t… hadn’t saved your career. Or your mental health, really.

You eyed the table by the couch, setting the cup down, only to fully turn to him. He seemed a bit confused at that; but God, you had something important to say and since you didn’t want to give up the blanket just yet, you decided to get rid of the mug at least to look less pathetic.

“No, Steve, I… thank you,” you whispered sincerely, feeling tears in your eyes for like a millionth time that day. His smile widened a little.

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry if I… if I scared you down there. It wasn’t meant for you.”

“You didn’t-” you blurted out in attempt to deny it and make him feel better, only to waver as his eyebrow rose, picture perfect of doubt. It made you chuckle at yourself self-deprecatingly. “It’s not your fault that I was… surprised by your little hulk-out. I guess I just didn’t see it coming.”

“Hulk-out, huh? How do you feel?”

You shrugged, exhaling slowly, thinking hard about your answer.

“Like I just watched my life take a way better turn that I would expect... and I’m still only watching,” you whispered honestly, which led to his face twisting in a grimace.

“Anything I can do?”

You couldn’t help it; you scanned your surroundings, realizing you were in something that looked fancy enough to belong to Tony Stark and was way too big to be part of an actual apartment. You ran your hand down the blanket covering your shoulders, reaching for the abandoned cup to blow on it softly and take a careful sip of chocolate. Steve’s questioning gaze observed you while you did so and you smiled blissfully into the cup as the delicious rich taste caressed your tongue.

“You mean besides comforting me despite being a complete stranger, getting my harassing boss fired and scaring the hell out of him, taking me to--- here, giving me a blanket and making the best cup of hot chocolate I had in years? Give me a second, I’m sure I’ll figure out something else,” you babbled and Steve’s smile grew, tense shoulders relaxing. “Seriously, Steve. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I owe you. I- I know you’re a hero and all that, but… yeah. I should be asking you what I could do for you in return.”

“That’s not-- I’m not--- ...you make a pleasant company,” he said in the end as if he realized he couldn't deny any of the things you had listed. You lowered your gaze to the chocolate as his eyes twinkled at the statement.

“Ditto.”

“Does that-” he blurted out and you tilted your head to side, watching him curiously when he stopped talking just as abruptly. “This is a terrible timing, but that’s apparently an infamous quality of mine, because usually I wait too long, and… uhm…”

Your heart skipped a beat at the suddenly embarrassed soldier scratching the back of his neck, peeking at your through his eyelashes. Was that--- was he trying to-? No, it couldn’t be.

“Yeah?” you softly encouraged him to continue.

He wetted his lips, causing your previously tight gut to warm up.

“I understand that it’s the last thing you’re thinking about right now, but… when you settle down again... and things are a bit calmer for you… would you- uhm,  like to… maybe spend some more time with--- with me?”

If he had blurted the sentence in one go, you would have dropped your mug in surprise despite suspecting this incredible thing when he had turned bashful. But he didn’t so your brain had enough time to process the words slowly leaving his lips, one after another, little shy, little hopeful. Your heart was speeding up with each of them, ready to burst when he finished with a tiny nervous smile.

Well. How could you possibly say no to that irresistible creature in front of you? You smiled into your drink.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

His face lit up. “Really?”

You wanted to chuckle at the pure surprise on his face, but it was just too endearing and so you had to fight the urge to make an embarrassing sound like an aww instead.

“Yeah, Steve. I’d really like that,” you repeated, hiding the teasing note in your voice. “But you’ve got to teach me how to make a chocolate that good, because seriously, it tastes amazing.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” you demanded, a bit hurt, rather surprised. “I don’t want you to give up your secret recipe right away! Just… in time.”

He grinned at you boyishly, leaning a bit closer to you. You held your breath in anticipating, a the change. “I could. But then I wouldn’t get to enjoy the process of preparing it for you and your smile in return.”

You stared at him for few moments, taking the statement in, wondering if he was teasing you or was being serious. The corners of his lips were quirked up as if he was indeed joking, but there was a certain spark of honesty in his eyes.

You decided to play along, whether it was a game or not. Perhaps it was the relief of newly found freedom from a sleazy man in your life that plucked up your courage and woke up your jovial side.

“Aww, Steve, that’s so sweet. Is that your way of telling me you’re planning on spoiling me? Because then I would need significantly less time to… settle down.”

His grin widened at your words. “Is that so?”

“Mm.”

“Well then…” he brought up lowly, torturing you with anticipation when he didn’t continue, only to watch you with a mischievous smile.

“...then?”

“What are your plans for Friday evening?”

Oh, you were so glad you were sitting, because otherwise the force of the moment in which Steve Rogers asked you out on Friday night would knock you down.

You tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t sound like an over-enthusiastic YES, but his blue eyes staring into yours made it very difficult for you.

Dammit, it was harder to talk to him when you could actually see--- you smiled smugly at the idea that popped up in your head and raised an eyebrow in silent challenge.

“I’m hiding in a supply closet. Why, you wanna join me?”

Steve burst out laughing, throwing his head back with that sound and the picture armed your heart so thoroughly it was unfair.

“Sure thing. Would you like me to bring muffins and coffee or do you prefer an actual dinner?”

You found yourself laughing too and you suddenly believed that your life would indeed get better. It already had, after all.

S.R. masterlist

Beautiful divider by @whimsicalrogers 

Thank you for the kind feedback on the first part and I hope you liked this one too :))

Thank you for reading!

[honalele]

The Universal Language

Tubbo had been quiet for mostly the entire trip. It made sense. Who in their right mind would ever want to chat about the weather with the person that took their life? The feeling was nearly mutual. After all, Tubbo had tried to kill him before.

But all of that was in the past now. After everything that happened, they each had one thing in common.

Ranboo.

The name echoed in Techno’s mind with the chorus of a thousand voices crying out the late boy’s name. Some of them were angry at Techno for not being the one to finish him off.

Blood for the Blood God.

A life so fragile and weak Techno could have broken it like a toothpick. A kid whose soul smelled of death from the first day they met. A small soul, quite like candle light and easy to snuff. Still, there was something about him. Something that kept Techno’s sword seethed. He was just so kind.

No, Techno would never kill Ranboo. No matter how much he was pressured to do it. He learned his lesson, and he learned it the hard way.

He stopped rowing and turned around to face Tubbo. The boy was huddled at the furthest end of the boat. His arms were clenched to his stomach and his head was buried deep in his shoulders. A defensive position. Protecting everything inside from spilling out. He snapped out of his distant expression when he realized that Techno had stopped.

“Something wrong?” He asked. The kid was blind in one of his eyes from the explosion. He had scars all across his face. Burn marks that never went away. Techno clenched his jaw.

Violence is the only universal language.

A ‘sorry’ would never be enough. Words would never be able to describe the regret that Techno had buried deep down inside his chest. They never have. Words were the most unreliable little things. And yet, people killed themselves over them.

“No.” Techno said and then turned around to continue rowing.

They were headed to the island that Quackity mentioned to Tubbo a while back. Apparently him and Sam were close at one point. Techno wasn’t exactly sure why or how Quackity knew of this place, he wasn’t even sure how Tubbo got the information from him, but none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered at this point was finding Michael and bringing him home.

They’d been traveling all night. Now dawn had come into the world, shedding everything under a grey light that peaked in through the clouds as the moon began to set. It was especially foggy for some reason. Techno was worried that they might lose their way because of it, but then there, just beyond the horizon, he saw it. The island.

Michael.

The voices began whispering dangerous things in Techno’s mind, so he tried to refocus it. He closed his eyes and thought back to that day. Ranboo seemed so calm. It was almost like the whole world was put under water. Everything slowed down the moment Ranboo welcomed the soulless to take his soul.

Sam.

The voices began chanting in lower tones. A fire ignited in Techno’s belly so deep and so black that it almost frightened him. More than death herself.

“Is that it?” Tubbo called from behind. Techno nodded and kept rowing until they were only a short distance away from shore. The he paused.

“You think Sam’s there?”

“He shouldn’t be.”

“If he is?” Techno asked. The boat went silent. A chill crawled up Techno’s spine as the fog wisped around them, breaking their uncertain silence.

“Take him.” Tubbo answered. “I’m getting Michael no matter what. I can’t risk…” He didn’t need to finish for Technoblade to understand what he meant.

He can’t risk his last life.

So they had a plan. Surely, Sam was off the island though. He had to be.

Techno continued to shore and both him and Tubbo crept onto the island. It was difficult to tell with all of the fog, but the place seemed almost humble. Tehchno wasn’t sure what to expect. Perhaps something a bit more extravagant and red stone based, but Sam’s home was built close to the ground so that it almost blended in with the island. Techno quietly motioned for Tubbo to follow him. While quaint, the island had a strange sense of sadness that hung over it, much lower and thicker than the fog. And when they came up to it, Techno ignored the familiar looking grave at the other end of the house.

“I think I’ve been here before.” He didn’t mean to say it out loud. Luckily, Tubbo remained quiet. The two hurried over to the front entrance. The door was locked. Techno was about to suggest that he break it down when Tubbo miraculously broke off the handle and pushed it open all by himself.

“I’ve got this floor. You look downstairs.” The voices didn’t appreciate being told what to do, but for the first time in his life Techno respected Tubbo’s authority. Getting Michael off the island was the most important thing. He quickly found his way to the staircase and headed down a ladder that lead to the basement. It was colder down there. All of the lights were off. Techno went for the switch, but he spotted something. Someone. At the far wall, standing all by themselves in the dark.

Techno immediately went for his sword, but the figure didn’t move. It could’ve been a statue. Techno kept his eyes focused on the silhouette as he reached behind him and flicked the light switch. A bright buzzing light flooded the entire room and shiver crawled up Techno’s spine. He was frozen in place. There, in all the light was Sam. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t blinking. He wasn’t even breathing. Yet, he stood. And he stared.

Techno took a step forward. He expected Sam to come out of whatever daze he was in, but the man didn’t move. It was almost like he was possessed.

He took another step forward and tightened his grip around the hilt of his sword.

“Sam?” He asked. Sam didn’t respond. Techno took another step closer. Sam’s mouth was open slightly, as if he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open, while standing in the basement of his home. Techno kept taking cautious steps forward until he was almost face to face with the warden. Was he dead? Techno pulled the sword up to Sam’s neck. He could have his body bleeding out on the floor one swift movement.

“Techno I found him! I’ve got Michael!” Tubbo called from upstairs. Techno froze. He stared into the soulless eyes of the man before him. This wasn’t Sam. It couldn’t be. He put away his sword and turned around to headed back up the ladder. When he arrived at the top, he discovered Tubbo happily holding Michael in his arms. They were both smiling brighter than ever, and Techno felt his heart melt just a bit.

“Let’s get out of here. I just saw something real creepy in this guy’s basement.” Techno said.

“Yeah?” Tubbo smiled over at Techno, but then his face dropped and he quickly grew pale in a matter of seconds. Techno turned his head to the side. He felt Sam’s gaze hot like lava down his back. So it was him.

“Get Michael out of here.” He said to Tubbo. The boy hesitated. Techno couldn’t remember the last time someone hesitated for him like that, but only three people were getting off this island. Techno buried his hardened gaze into Tubbo’s. An apology. Tubbo nodded. He gave one final glance to Sam before tightening his grip around Michael and fleeing from the house without a word. Then the fog began to seep in through the open door.

“We can talk about this.” Sam said. Techno smiled and turned around to face him. A puppet come to life. A soulless body miraculously rekindled.

“You wanna talk to me, you gotta speak my language.” Sam’s eyes followed Techno’s hand as he went for the hilt of his sword.

“Careful,” Sam said in a calm voice, and slowly reached for his sword as well. “you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“His blood is on your hands.”

“He had more blood on his.”

“Don’t care.”

Ranboo was a quiet one. He’d always kept to himself. Techno wasn’t surprised that he had secrets. Everyone did. Still, he wasn’t quite sure how the boy managed to gain so much of his precious loyalty, because right now, Techno was slowly stepping along with Sam in the beginning circles of a battle for his honor.  

“Neither of us have lost a life yet.” Sam said. Techno grinned and pulled his sword from its sheath.

“Well, that’s about to change in the next thirty seconds.”

…

Techno attacked first. He rushed the warden, immediately striking his most vulnerable areas. Sam blocked the attack at his side which left an opening on his leg. Techno’s blade tore through the armor and glided across Sam’s thigh. Sam went for Techno’s shoulder, but he dodged it, then kicked the warden so that he stumbled back into a wall. Techno took a swing at Sam’s throat, but he went low, kicking fog up as he fled.

Techno turned around to see Sam standing in a defensive position at the center of the room. Why wasn’t he attacking?

Blood for the Blood God.

The voices didn’t seem to care, and neither did Techno. He studied Sam’s stance before rushing him once again. The fog was growing more dense with every attack that Sam blocked. He was good. He was probably great. If only he’d fight back. Eventually the rage in Techno’s gut outlasted Sam’s and the warden fell to the ground. Sam struggled to stand back up, but Techno kicked him so that he fell flat on his back. Then he climbed over Sam’s pitiful body and pinned him down as he prepared for the final strike.

Blood for the Blood God.

He held the blade tightly against Sam’s neck. The warden looked up at him with a face full of anguish.

“Do it Technoblade. Kill me.” Those words. Why’d he have to use those words? Techno tried to catch his breath. No man that begged for death was ever worth killing. Sam’s expression changed when he noticed Techno’s hesitation.

What are you waiting for?

“Ranboo died because of this body. They all did.” Sam said with a determined look in his eyes. Techno swallowed hard. Sam used to be so respected. This man had fought well for years, and he usually stayed out of everyone’s business, but the prison changed him. It turned him into the skittering dung beetle that laid before Techno today.

“Come and prove your name to me.” Sam lifted his neck just enough for the blade to nick his skin. The blood oozed out and Techno felt his entire body burn with rage.

Blood for the Blood God.

“I hope you get a glimpse of hell on your way back.” Techno said before slicing open Sam’s throat. The skin tore open like foil and his blood flooded out like cherry sauce. Sam’s head lolled to the side and all the blood ran out of him, pooling onto the floor. Techno crawled off the body in exhaustion and kicked it deeper into the fog so that he wouldn’t have to look at it. There was something about killing a man that wanted to die. It never felt satisfying. Still, the voices seemed to enjoy it. It only took a few moments for them to go completely silent, leaving Techno all alone with his own thoughts. He tossed his sword to the side and slid back into a nearby wall to catch his breath. At least Michael was safe now.

Come and prove your name to me.

Did he know? Did Sam know the amount of blood that had been shed over this name? Did he have any idea what it was like living as a weapon? As a servant to the gods? As a man so afraid of dying that he’d kill everyone he ever loved to avoid it.

“Wow, that guy is super dead.” The voice startled Techno. He wasn’t aware that anyone else had entered the room. His gaze shot up and there, standing in the fog was

“Ranboo.” Techno breathed.

“Eh, close.” Ranboo replied. He took a step forward and lent a hand to Techno who was frozen in place. Techno tried to blink away his confusion, thinking that perhaps it was a trick of the fog, but Ranboo was still there. Techno slowly reached out for the hand, but his fingers slipped through Ranboo’s body like it was part of the fog.

“You’re not…” He started. The ghost gave him a sad smile and took a step back. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and nodded for Techno to follow him before turning around and heading out the front door. Techno glanced over at Sam’s body one final time, then grabbed his sword and chased after Ranboo’s ghost. It was difficult to see him in the fog. He was walking towards the grave that Techno had spotted earlier. He watched as the ghost hopped up to sit on one of the arms of the stone cross.

“Do you remember this?” He asked as Techno came up to it. There was a sign on it now that read, In memory of Tommyinnit. May he rest in peace. Techno’s knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He knew this place seemed familiar. All those months ago, they both thought this cross was meant for him. A weathered mentor with nothing left to teach his student. Techno never considered that the gods would make such a sick joke.

“I’m so sorry.” He choked.

“It’s alright.” The ghost replied in a casual tone. “There was nothing you could do.” That was a lie. Techno looked down at the blood on his hands. It was still warm.

“I could’ve done what I did today.” He said. There was no response. The two sat at Tommy’s memorial for ages. The cool wind shoveled up bits of fog that rolled silently around them as they remained captivated in quiet thoughts. What good did revenge ever do to the man that wanted to die? Techno played it back in his head. That slow-motion scene of everything under water and Ranboo standing completely unarmed with is goddamn calm eyes. Techno should’ve killed Sam right at that moment, but there were too many people. He should’ve thought about that. He should’ve known they’d be out numbered.

“Lots of people seem to miss him.” Ghostboo suddenly broke the silence. Techno looked up to try and read his expression, but the boy was leaning his head against the cross and his gaze was wrapped up in the distant ocean.

“Do you?” He asked. Ghostboo cracked a small smile.

“Hmm.” He hummed in response. Then after a couple beats of silence he jumped off the memorial and made his way past Techno. “Safe travels.” He said. Techno’s eyes were glued to the gravestone. He felt something in his heart break when he read that last bit.

May he rest in peace.

Then the voices came back, and they laughed at the wishful statement. They knew the gods wouldn’t be so merciful. Techno looked down at his bloodstained hands. He needed to find Dream and steal the revival book. It was the only way to save Ranboo. Techno turned around to catch one last glimpse of Ghostboo, but no one was there. He’d already disappeared in the fog.

[thegeminisage]

hi, sorry for answering you both so late, i am putting your answers together since they are sort of related!

the short answer is, i can’t write a “real” sequel to broken road but the third part of the triptych would be the indirect dean/cas spiritual sequel, except with way more porn. the long answer is:

i just don't think i could write a true direct sequel to broken road set in that same continuity because i don't have anything left to say about john and how he gets along in the real with his family world now that he’s stuck there and they’re all stuck with each other. my main three points of interest that i felt were left unresolved would be the continuation of dean and cas's relationship (more on this in a sec), sam and eileen (ditto), and figuring out if john and mary ever made it work or called it quits for good. so if i wrote a sequel to broken road it would just be a bunch of john/mary stuff that i feel underqualified for because it WOULD involve their sex life and i DO NOT want to write john having sex. them fucking offscreen in broken road was as close as i'm ever getting and even that was weird. and then somehow i’d also have to work sam and eileen into that and it’s not at all related. it would take two fics and i don’t even want to write one. also, i really kind of want to leave the question of john and mary open anyway - i have my own thoughts about how things ultimately end up but i prefer to let the reader imagine what ending they like best, since people have such strong feelings about it. i know that's a little bit of a cop-out and i'm sorry! but it feels beyond the scope of that fic and also a little beyond my scope and area of interest as a writer.

if it helps you any, i imagine going forward their dynamic is a lot like it is in the epilogue, which is part of why i made the epilogue so long, was to give you a good idea of what life is like for them now. but here’s what i imagine might go down after the final curtain call (this is LONG, skip to the section labeled “dean” for the triptych answer):

john & mary: 

john continues to suffer and bite his tongue and probably do a lot of complaining and DEFINITELY do a lot of avoiding being alone with dean or cas or dean-and-cas. john was expecting to retire after yellow eyes died so he really wouldn't know what to do with a family that still hunts for "no reason" and i imagine he'd be pretty pissed that they still hunt at all. i expect he and sam would butt heads over that

mary would probably keep attempting to be supportive and keep being bad at it, and spend a lot of time trying to put a brave face on it while secretly dying inside, because she's constantly at war with herself. here she has john back, but not the john she remembers, and spending time with him is difficult because she wants to let herself have him and take comfort in him and also she doesn't want to be anywhere near him because he abused their kids

eventually mary or john or both would have to leave, though mary would come back - in canon she's in and out a lot anyway, she stays for awhile and visits regularly for game nights. i think john would miss the first game night, get one "seriously?" text from mary, and then show back up every week that he possibly could but also not visit unless it would make things worse if he didn't. i don't think he particularly enjoys spending time with his family for a long time, if ever, because much like season 12 mary he came back to a family he barely knew or recognized (and because of what he knows now spending time with dean would be particularly awkward). HIS sons would be getting married to women and retiring and having biological children. this gay adoptive whatever the fuck makes them feel like they are not his sons. 

anyway, i imagine john and mary would do much better when running into one another outside of the bunker, on their own separate hunts. they might even take one or two together. there’s probably some very guilty sex in their future at some point because mary is real fucked up. john post broken road does a lot of shutting up but i think around mary he would be the most like his old self. they do this will they/won't they dance for the next decade at least before finally making up their minds one way or the other. i do think they all still go on hunts together sometimes, maybe even with the apocalypse world hunters, and since that's sam's deal john is probably kind of quiet and falls in line and does what's needed without chatting much to anyone. i bet the first few times people don't even realize he's sam's father because he's so quiet. it's his way of trying to apologize to sam and also if he steps out of line when sam is in charge sam would <3 deck him. yes. but yeah i see it being very brisk and professional and awkward, until they all get used to each other again

sam: 

as i said earlier the only thing i didn't fix in broken road was eileen, so at some point sam would figure out a way to get her back - since in this verse jack never becomes soulless and chuck never returns and we never get season 15 it's possible she shows back up because she didn't go with her reaper, or because someone fucked up a summoning spell, or sam realized she was in hell and decided to spring her, or she just crawled out on her own like a badass. i think it would be kind of funny if john was involved with her resurrection but maybe accidentally somehow, so it's not like oh sam learns to forgive his dad because john did this really nice thing for him it's more like UGH why did it have to be YOU why are YOU involved in this important thing that has nothing to do with you slkdjfghl but also if you hadn't done it she'd still be down there or something, so, it cancels out. or idk maybe john had to work hard at it or give something up to make it happen. he has to genuinely shut up and be selfless and not fucking complain and feel sorry for himself the entire time, that might be fun too. either way sam would not thank him

(though i do think sam deserves space to explore the fact that he loves john even still, even despite the fact that he also hates him/is very angry with him and always will be. i don’t imagine sam and john ever fully reconcile but i imagine john behaving BECAUSE OF SAM SPECIFICALLY offers sam more catharsis than he thought possible.) 

anyway, john would be so relieved to see sam with a woman even if she is a deaf hunter but then it turns out she hates him like sam does so like. sucks to be him! meanwhile sam and eileen get to catch up and he finally has a willing ear (so to speak) that isn’t cas or mary to talk to about this stuff and of course SHE has someone who very much understands what it’s like to come back from hell. part of what i really love about sam and eileen is the way they sort of instantly and intrinsically recognized and understood one another, even across something that resembles a language barrier, and this hypothetical future would be no exception. there’s no way they don’t get engaged inside a year, and much like in the 15.18 fixit they’d sometimes hang at the bunker and sometimes not. i imagine with the apocalypse world hunters going in and out though it’s never exactly empty or lonely there. 

whether or not their family unit ever retires and/or moves out of the bunker in this verse is sort of beyond me because my feelings on it change daily but you can imagine whatever you like! however i am adamant that the furthest away from each other sam and dean will ever get permanent-living-situation-wise is next door/across-the-street neighbors. their weird little codependency is part of what i like about them and i have a Whole Thing about not “gentrifying” dean. but for the most part sam would be very much doing his own thing which involves john very little, and healing from his own damage with people OUTSIDE of his blood relatives which he very much deserves. and he has moved so completely past the need to care about john that like john is a backdrop in his life, albeit one with baggage. but mostly he becomes someone to keep an eye on in case he makes trouble, no different than a hundred other surly hunters sam’s known. and he can still be there for dean without his life revolving around dean because now dean has other people there for him too. (i ALSO have a whole thing about sam being in the life for dean specifically, that he’s giving up some or all of adulthood for dean because dean gave up childhood for him - kind of the way someone takes care of their kickass single mom in old age. it’s a guilt/love/debt/devotion sort of thing.) 

and speaking of the Eventual future, if babies ever come into this picture (sam and eileen’s, to be clear, dean and cas are probably satisfied with jack, NOT THAT JACK ISN’T ALSO SAM’S CHILD) john is allowed to see them but never unsupervised. i’m picturing like sam and eileen both on their third day of no sleep and sam lets john change a diaper because he’s exhausted and john considers that the best their relationship has been since sam was 6. mary always wanted to raise babies and sam likes her better so she’d get to pitch in with much more enthusiasm (and aw they’d finally get to bond a little more), and dean has raised a baby already so he’d probably try to like help and get waved away a lot like no no raising other peoples babies is no longer your job it’s ok. there is eventually a fight about this

cas & jack: 

castiel lives a great life caring for his newly re-graced son and staring at john when he enters or leaves rooms, and i imagine eventually jack gives him his wings back, since he can do whatever the fuck he wants (i'm not giving jack his own section but he also probably keeps acknowledging dean and cas are a couple like out loud which would be fine except for dean is still half in the closet like a skittish traumatized cat so eventually cas would have to explain very gently that nobody was supposed to know that yet and jack should cool it to give dean time to adjust)

anyway i DON’T believe in human cas, i believe he likes being an angel, so he just gets to stay an angel forever and now he has wings too <3 and he can teleport which spooks john in the exact same manner it used to spook dean in s4 <3 except this time cas is being <3 malicious on purpose <3

cas fully won here because like john does NOT want to speak to or acknowledge him much less be in the same room as him so they tend to have a dynamic where like all 6 of them are in the room and cas dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other and john dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other but cas and john do not talk to each other. cas doesn’t have to threaten him or glare at him constantly anymore like all he has to do is look at him. and john is like. man what’s he gonna do. that guy is having sex with your son and there’s nothing you can do about it! so dean doesnt have to be like ok cool it cas anymore because cas has literally won in every possible way. i think at most it’s very much cas being like “if i were trying to kill you, you’d know it <3″ and john can’t return those vibes to sender because then dean would be like ok cool it at his DAD instead. it used to be cas don’t piss off dad and now it’s dad don’t piss off cas. anyway i think that since cas has let dean lean on him so much it would be nice if he could lean on dean a little. again more on that in a minute

dean: 

and finally, as for dean...i think he needs a year minimum to dean with people acknowledging he and cas are a couple and another 3 for it not to be weird to say cas’s name in front of his dad. absolutely zero pda in front of john ever but he might like eventually get to the place where he and cas can lounge around together on the couch while they watch movies with the rest of fam and it’s not a big deal. sneak an arm around him at a movie theater. kind of the same vibes as the 15.18 fixit but with less anxiety. because like the worst possible thing (getting outed to everyone) has already happened and aside from the outing itself being completely horrible nothing that terrible even came to pass as a result, so he’s just Adjusting. i think he sort of has to unlearn and relearn his habits - his mediator thing, his defending dad thing. i think there’s a lot of times where he just walks out of a room when shit is too much for him to deal with because he has let go of some of the need to constantly micromanage his family’s interactions to make sure they don’t boil over. michael already took that scenario to the max and mary already dumped john so there’s really not much left to be afraid of. i think he gets told “that’s not your job” a lot and maybe listens more than he used to. and to bring us around to the second question...

i also think dean would get weirdly hung up on the fact that he and cas’s sex life is Not Normal - as in, they fooled around a little and that was it. i think dean would have a huge problem with that. like, obviously he has A Few Hangups About Gay Sex given his history but if you’re a couple you’re supposed to bang on the regular and it’s totally homophobic if he doesn’t bang cas as much as he’d bang a lady he was committed to, right? he’s not gonna give cas less than he gave cassie or lisa, that’s not fair to his best buddy and number one pal! 

meanwhile castiel, known asexual, is utterly and wildly neutral to the whole idea except that it’s a way to be close to dean. cas would be just as happy fucking like champions for a six-hour marathon or spending that same six hours curled up in bed together while he plays with dean’s hair. like, same diff. you know that thing about like “cas thinks everything is important he gives the same gravitas to the apocalypse and a nine year old’s birthday party”? like it’s exactly like that with sex and cuddling and sharing a meal together and driving together and watching dumb movies like it’s all time spent With Dean so it all matters just as much.

so we have this conflict where dean is tearing himself apart over the fact that he’s taking a normal human amount of time to “work up” to the whole thing and cas is like. but it’s fine. it’s literally fine. and dean’s reaction to this would be something very offended like hello excuse me i am super hot and fuckable and you don’t WANT me?

if this all sounds familiar that’s because i’ve written similar stuff to it before! if you go to the fic page for broken road, you'll see it's part of a series now (the "triptych"), with my dumb little 15.18 fixit as the prequel. even though continuity-wise these are two totally separate fics i feel very strongly that that fic is the spiritual prequel to broken road, and eventually, a long time from now, after the next @cambionverse​ fic is done or at the very least well underway, i'd like to write a spiritual sequel. a triptych is three works that stand on their own but also make a more complete whole, so even though these three stories would not be related at all in continuity of where they take place in canon, they each set the stage at a different part of the dean/cas relationship. so fic #1, the get-together, had no sex at all, and it was very short. fic #2, pre-established but just barely, had a little sex in it and it was very long. fic #3 then would be pre-established but like VERY pre-established and have a fuckton of sex in it, and be medium length. i’m ha ha basically writing my own nc-17 porn coda since SOMEBODY won’t do it for me (if you got that joke you’re entitled to financial compensation). 

except i actually really do want to tackle this subject myself, it’s stuff i only got to touch on in the other fics because it felt off topic, so in this fic it WOULD be the topic! i really found a groove i like with cas who has almost no trauma around sex but doesn’t care whether or not he has it vs dean who really really wants to have sex but has a minefield of past bad experiences he has to watch out for. and i like writing porn anyway and i didn’t get to write very much these past two fics. i’ve always said that i think dean would snowball (not like that, gross) - it’d take him FOREVER (literally a decade plus) to work up to kissing cas but a fraction of that time to start fooling around with him and a fraction of THAT time to blow him etc etc. the more he does the easier it gets. i feel like it’d be a lot of fun to write. 

so, this third fic would not be an official broken road sequel, because there’s almost no plot outside of the porn to speak of anyway, but if what you wanted was to see how the dean/cas went from where it left off, hopefully that will be satisfying in that regard.

i should say, while the third fic would be almost exclusively porn there is one plot element involving ********** that i am not going to talk about on tumblr because it would ruin the surprise. i have told a few people privately and i will tell you if we know each other pretty well but if you know (or guess) don’t tell anyone! 

see, the other thing i would want to tackle in that fic is how cas has his own traumas and baggage, even if they’re a little different from dean’s, and i think dean sometimes gets so deep in his own stuff he kind of...not forgets that exactly but forgets how profoundly it still affects cas, because by and large cas deals with that sort of thing a lot more quietly and in much healthier ways than dean does. not that his self-sacrificing ass is the poster child for mental health, but for example cas recognized suicidal ideation in himself and actively worked to keep himself away from situations that would make it worse. he translates his bad feelings into meaningful action (well, he attempts to, even if it usually goes wrong). so he hurts kind of quietly and in late season especially most of the worst moments of his life are behind him (barring jack’s death, which doesn’t happen in this verse). so he’s also further along in his healing process which mean dean kind of forgets how fucked in the head he can be. and in the uh...unusual situation...they find themselves in because of this minor plot, it becomes something that he can’t not notice, that they can’t just not talk about, and cas gets to lean on dean a little, they sort of get to know each other better. so that’s part of the point of that one little plot element. but the rest of it really is porn.

i haven’t started work on the third fic yet - i don’t have a title and my outline is just a bunch of choppy ideas and i have about 2000 words of the middle of the fic jotted down out of context. (it was originally going to be a shorter unrelated thing before i realized how well it tied to what i already had.) i have another obligation to see to before i can get started on it (again, @cambionverse​, you should read it if you havent, the concept might sound unappealing but almost everyone who tries it likes it and it’s way better than broken road). so it’ll probably happen a very VERY long time from now! but it IS happening. >:) i just hope after the first two fics in the triptych were so well received that it doesn’t disappoint 🥺

[mittensmorgul]

do you think spn would have been better if TPTB had just let sam and dean have plot-lines without each-other more often? I can't help but be resentful as a dean girl that so many of his potential storylines were cut to just 2 or 3 eps because they seemed incapable of letting the boys be anything other than samandean or jaredandjensen. i loved purgatory and demon!dean and michael!dean. i think those storylines would have been allowed to flourish but they couldnt keep the boys away from each other for long enough to try it.

I would've loved to see more of purgatory, but I understand that logistically it was difficult filming (on location, at the mercy of the weather, etc.). Overall, I feel it was well handled.

As to demon!Dean, logistically they needed Dean to be "back to himself" before the 200th episode filmed, 10.05, so I get why that arc was cut so short. He also did spend most of the season struggling with the aftermath of that and his fear of succumbing to the Mark again. I feel that that was also handled well (until s10 derailed entirely and we all went wtf...). I would much rather explore Actual!Dean with Real Emotional Depth than demon!Dean anyway, but I know others wish he was better utilized than he was. I actually appreciate how two-dimensional demon!Dean was by necessity, because it was such a contrast to the Dean we know and love, but I don't know that I would've wanted more of it than we got.

As for Michael!Dean... I don't know that they could've dragged that out much more than they did. Because it ~wasn't Dean at all.~ It was Michael taking him over completely. Two episodes was more than enough of that. Because I don't watch the show for Michael, I watch for Dean. :'D I do appreciate how they handled the re-possession, and showing us Dean trapped in a false reality loop inside his own mind, but I also don't think that could've carried on beyond that one episode, either. Yes, he struggled with Michael locked up in his mind for a few episodes, but that still wasn't about Dean himself, it was his struggle to keep Michael locked away.

What I personally would've liked more is episodes like Last Call, Optimism, Peace of Mind and Damaged Goods, where we saw Sam and Dean working on different things, separate from one another, like actual real individual people. I think there could've been a lot more room to explore both Sam and Dean as individuals, an their individual relationships with other characters.

Like... I think the Demon!Dean and Michael!Dean arcs gave us a lot more insight into Sam as a character than they did into Dean as a character, you know? They focused more on how Sam responded to the challenge of saving Dean. The same way the Soulless!Sam arc and the possessed!Sam arc of early s9 gave us a lot of insight into Dean through his reactions and concerns about Sam.

Honestly? I really do wish we'd had more content like that, because that could've been good for all the characters-- including the other people Sam and Dean would've each been able to interact with outside of each other.

But yeah, I know the network always saw it as the samndean show, and often balked at the notion of keeping them separated.

[moonlayl]

I feel like the majority of the spn fandom don’t seem to understand that Jack DIDN’T kill Mary because he was soulless. (read this in it’s entirety)

Him being soulless had nothing to do with the act. Yes, it totally influenced how he reacted AFTERWARDS. Him not feeling too much guilt, almost blaming Mary. The way he spoke of the “incident” to Sam and Dean. But him actually killing her was all about lack of control. Jack snapped and lost control. It was an accident. But it still happened. he wasn’t brainwashed into doing so. He didn’t just up and kill her in cold blood because he didn’t have a soul and couldn’t care less. No.

He simply lost control of his powers and his emotions, and that led to Mary dying. So yes, it makes total sense for someone to be upset with someone who killed a person they love, regardless if it was an accident or not. Jack being soulless isn’t an excuse. The scene could’ve played out the same way even if he WASN’T soulless. He’s a very powerful being capable of great things, but he’s also inexperienced and gullible. Him regaining his soul just means he actually feels guilty and regrets what happens. He wishes he hadn’t done what he did.

I don’t hate jack. I know it was an accident, and he didn’t want to kill her. From other shows and movies I watched, I know it’s difficult to contain your powers and be in control. I don’t think he’s a monster for losing control, but he’s still dangerous. I honestly think Jack is a good kid, and him killing Mary wasn’t an act of evil. It was an honest accident, and he deserves a chance to redeem himself and learn control, but it’s very invalidating to assume that Dean or Sam can’t be upset with him.

Yes he made a mistake and yes he regrets it, but Mary is still dead. Sam and Dean still lost their mother. You can recognize that someone hurt you and/or someone you love while also understanding they didn’t mean to, but that doesn’t mean you’re required to forgive them. Dean and Sam are not required to forgive Jack. They don’t have to forgive and forget. they don’t have to pretend everything is okay and that nothing happened. They’re allowed to never think of Jack the same way or be close to him in the same way. From what we’ve seen, Dean understands that it was a mistake, but he’s still angry. His mom died. He’s allowed to always be angry at Jack and maybe even resent him a little. Why? because it’s still the face that killed his mother.

You can understand someone and even forgive someone without ever wanting to interact with them ever again. You have every right. Dean’s feelings are valid. What Jack did hurt him in every way. The same way he was hurting since he was four years old. He isn’t a bad person for still having issues with Jack. He doesn’t owe Jack forgiveness, even if Jack is feeling guilty and is asking for forgiveness.

Which lead me to my next point. Jack is still dangerous. And in season 14, he was very gullible and naive. He was easily tricked into using his powers for bad. EASILY. A contingency plan is needed. I don’t agree with killing jack, but they were going to lock him up so he wouldn’t hurt anyone again. And then Chuck told them that Jack was going to be the reason the world ends and that he needed to die( this was before the reveal that Chuck is a dick and evil). That’s why Dean decided to try to kill him. Because he, along with Sam believed that Jack might destroy the world (plus Chuck literally said it needed to happen, and at that point in time, it made sense to believe him? he made good points) I’m not saying it’s right, but it wasn’t like “hey lets’ go kill a kid”. No, Jack was dangerous, extremely powerful, and had the power to destroy the whole world. Him being soulless and gullible also meant he could also be willing to do it.

And as we saw, in the end Dean couldn’t do it. I’m not saying Dean deserves kudos for not killing Jack, that’s not at all my point. I’m just saying, Dean wasn’t just a blood thirsty jerk on a killing spree. Jack was killing and harming people, and Dean was grieving. The fandom is way too harsh. they try to twist it into something it’s not. I didn’t see anyone saying anything about how Castiel tried to look for a way to lock Jack in THE CAGE. Now that Jack has his soul back, and learned from his mistakes (meaning he’s no longer naive and gullible) Dean doesn’t see him as someone that could kill thousands because he thinks it’s right somehow. Keep in mind they had no idea Jack could regain his soul in season 14. They thought it was permanent. That influenced Dean’s position and views.

Now, Dean recognizes that Jack does feel guilty and does care. But it would be completely ignorant to make him act like everything is a-okay and just forgive Jack. He should be feeling angry about what happened. He shouldn’t be pressured into forgiving Jack, and the fandom needs to stop acting like Jack did nothing wrong, and that it was just him being soulless that influenced it. Jack is responsible.

(If you disagree and have something to say, say so respectfully and I have zero problems discussing it and listening. If you’re disrespectful, your opinion is automatically invalid and the block button is my friend. I am not willing to get attacked for simply reading through the lines and thinking things through)

[espejonight28738]

15×10 meta "I don't know what is god and what's not..."

But maybe now we do. Kind of, anyway.

Warning: Destiel and Saileen positive. And somehow this ended up with a lot of Charlie, not that I think anyone will complain about that.

I've been thinking about this since Thursday. Like, one one hand, Dean's "The blood, the sweat, the tears, man. That's us." Was beautiful, specially if we take into account that a few episodes ago he still was all "I don't know what is God and what's not, and it's driving me crazy."

So I rewatched the entire season (that's why only now I have this) and now I will say what is God and what's not.

(I mean, kind of, I think we will never know the true extent of Chuck's manipulation to avoid even more plot holes XD)

So, first:

Mayor plots we know (or I think) were Chuck's:

 The first Apocalypse (Duh)

• Leviathans (I say this bc in one of Chuck's memories, Benny was in the bunker with Dean. Benny means Purgatory, and Purgatory means Leviathans. If the Leviathan are a constant, they probably are part of Chuck's plan.)

• The Mark of Cain (We've seen it like a million times, clearly that's a plot he likes)

• Probably the MoL because it was so bad

The ones we don't know:

• Amara (Like, I do think he didn't expect they would break the curse)

• Jack (I mean, he probably was the culprit Jack died after Micheal took his grace, and that's the reason he ended up soulless. But his actual birth? Idk)

• (Btw I say Chuck's the culprit because I don't understand why Cas would just become human when Metatron took his grace in s8, specially considering que was 100% angel, and he didn't even had a “soulless” problem... I don't know what happened there tbh, he should be kinda soulless? Or whatever. My point is that if an angel 100% can survive having his grace taken, I don't see why a Nephilim (50/50%) would die.)

• Probably AU!Micheal was not part of the plan, because he straight up told them they were just failed drafts. Besides, it was a direct consequence of Jack's birth, and I don't think Jack was part of the plan.

I was about to publish this, but now I have another one. How much of what happens in Heaven is Chuck? Like, we know he doesn't really care for the angels (Ask AU!Micheal), and the main characters are just Dean and Sam. But in this universe, because of Cas, both brothers have been closely related to whatever happens in Heaven. Does that mean Chuck has to intervene there so they don't ruin the story? Probably yes. Honestly I'm dying to know what happened in Heaven with Cas during 15×10 I NEED ANSWERS ABOUT THE ANGELS.

Things that Chuck can't do:

• Like, make someone do anything they don't want in a "mind control" kind of way. He can physically do people do things, like Eileen hurting Sam, but he can't control their mind. If he could, Dean would have killed Jack and nothing of this would be happening in the first place. Individual choices and actions are out of his control.

• He doesn't have power over the Empty, and doesn't know what's happening there. (That means there's no true omniciense)

• (The last point raises the question of how did he brought Cas back so many times. Or Lilith. I'll chose to believe those are continuity mistakes and not that, idk, this Cas is an exact copy of the original Cas and even him doesn't know he's a copy or smth.)

Things that we can deduce are, to certain degree, Chuck's fault.

• Cas constant unjustified absences (This we can assume for 1: "No one even mentions Cas" from Becky about Chuck's writing, and 2: In all the AU we saw as Chuck memories, Cas is never there. Not even mentioned.)

• [Related to the previous point, I think that considering that Cas was in none of Chuck's memories, we must take the fact that he was in almost all the PossibleFuture!scenes (first he was there, then in the car he is mentioned by Sam and Dean, the we had the "Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in a Ma'lak box?" moment, the next one we can see Dean moving his mouth before getting interrupted by Sam. Considering it was placed next to the prayer scene, we can deduce Dean was praying to Cas. That give us Cas in 4/6 Future moments.) as a sign that this Cas is different to the one in other universes. Maybe our theory that our Cas will be the key to Free Will, as he is special in some way in this universe in a way he isn't in others, will come true.]

• [Although then we need to ask why did Chuck let him live, if he interferes with the narrative]

• Soulless!Jack and Mary's death [Explained before]

• Actually, is possible that most deaths are Chuck's plot.

But in the more particular events, where is Chuck?

In this episode, we got confirmation that the popular headcanon of Charlie making the boys fake credit cards is canon. This ability to have money all the time is important for them not to waste time doing things that 'doesn't help move the plot along' as Garth said.

That could mean that one of the intentions behind Charlie's introduction was exactly that, solve a problem.

And if you think more, Charlie was introduced in a perfect moment and being the perfect character for the job.

Like, we met her when Cas was still crazy, and Dean hadn't really forgiven him, so he kinda was out of a best friend. Enters Charlie, a badass, geeky, nerdy and really cheerful girl. Literally, perfect bff material for Dean. And to make it even better, she was a lesbian, so that automatically cancels any possible sexual/romantic tension that Dean compulsively had with pretty much any female character back then. 

[And if I'm right about Chuck not planning Amara's freedom, then Charlie's individual acts of 1: Getting the Book of the Damned and 2: Decodifying it were probably the reason Chuck decided it was her time. Besides, her death pushed Dean to the edge with the Mark.]

All that convenience makes me believe that the people they know do are part of a pre-made plot, but only the meeting. They are only put on the Winchester's way. If we can take something from last episode is that even without their abilities and plot armor, they still have their friends. The relationships they've built are their strength, they are something almost sacred that Chuck can't touch. (As I said, he can't control minds, nor can he control feelings.)

Would you look at that, it looks like Castiel "And maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own move" Winchester (My soul won't rest until someone recognize Cas in the show as a Winchester) was right all along. Shocked. 

So, once again, we have everything telling us the most important thing the brothers have is the other people that they love. That is theirs, that is real.

And I also think is important they got that lesson without Eileen and Cas. Because those are the people they love the most (besides each other), yes, but they also are the ones that Chuck have used against them.

Dean's history with Cas has been part of the story, so it was logical that in the middle of his existential crisis, he doubted of their relationship.

And now Sam has confirmation that it's thanks to Chuck that Eileen is back.

Both relationships could feel a little tainted.

With them, it would be more difficult to put aside their doubts. But with good old Garth? He wasn't even in the Possible Future. He's as much as a comfort character as you can get for Dean and Sam. Looking at him all happy and domestic, and yet being by their side when they can't do anything be themselves is exactly what they needed to move their friends and family to the "Non-Chuck tricks" list. 

And a little note:

I don't think they just lost their "plot armor", I think Chuck purposely made them average humans. But without Chuck, they wouldn't be average. Dean's been trained to be a soldier since he was 4 years, and maybe Sam had a little bit more of a childhood thanks to Dean, but still he was trained since he was a kid.

And you tell me they can't pick a lock without Chuck's powers? That Sam just runs against everything and falls? Those are things any of us would do, not someone who has been training 30 years more or less.

So no, I do not think they would (will?) be like this when they beat Chuck. Yes, maybe they will be intolerant to lactose, and have cavities and that stuff, but they are still trained, that doesn't just go away.

[BTW I realize half this meta was in parenthesis. Sorry about that.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter  

[incarnateirony]

"The real Sam and Dean" sure does point to the main world being there *before* Chuck, doesn't it? Interesting. God can't create souls (like the show has told us for YEARS), so, yeah, WTF are the people in the other universes? WHAT ARE SOULS???? (Lesser question, what is Grace? God's attempt at making souls? Since he made the angels? DOES CAS HAVE A SOUL?) 🤯

Wow multi part thing here

1. Not necessarily but I’ll expand on that.

2. Other souls even in similar bodies? Soulless constructs and duplicates like Gabriel’s grace worlds? (seems less likely with AU Bobby and Charlie). I’m going to go with an educated guess of “other souls in identical meatsuits” for now, expanded on more in the post below.

3. There’s also an answer for that, but no, not really souls.

4. IMO yes, and I can expand on why I believe Cas does.

—

So bundling an answer to all of these.

I’m going to need you to break your brain a little on this, dear reader. I know it’s difficult for some people, and some are just now even coming to grips with the idea that Chuck’s world is a simulacrum to the point I’ve seen based people belatedly go, verbatim, through the same existential crisis Dean spewed at Cas in 15.2. It’s gonna take some nonlinear thinking from here.

Let’s talk about, say, The Empty. What is Nothing? I want you to think about that. 

Congrats, you’ve already failed.

The second you try to define oblivion, you fail. We can try to speak it as closely as possible, but oblivion before creation is itself a paradox. It is timeless, shapeless, colorless – best depicted, perhaps, by a black screen to communicate the idea to the human mind, or sometimes a white one, but people tend to affiliate that with light, rather than the absence of light; so a starkly lit (on actors) black background is our most efficient way to do it. But realistically? Black doesn’t exist yet. White doesn’t exist yet. Light nor dark exist. Nothing is there.

And yet somehow, Nothing birthed Everything.

This is the paradox humans struggle with eternally. The idea of the Big Bang, for example, still comes down to there being an infinitely dense mass that asplodied at some point and everything just kinda raveled itself together from there. Where did the dot come from in nothing? What is the dot? What is this paradox of Nothing Making Everything?

Hermetics propose, essentially, various grades of creation. Depending on the denomination and thought form this may manifest several ways at the upper levels, “Chicken or the Egg” as SPN death put it. Some will say death itself birthed creation and life, for example. Others say it’s a direct result of the human soul, and others say it’s grace.

Real familiar to our current Atomic Monsters, isn’t it?

So anyway, what I’ve been seeing out of SPN since about S13 is that souls themselves, in our structure, are the paradox of creation. After all, there was a “Before God, or Amara”, so how did God simply come to be? Good question, ain’t it?

So let’s take a look at the Shadow. Hermetics variably address The Inky Man or The Shadow (as Jung himself was part of the art) as a primitive aspect of the self, and also address the concept of a sort of group mind, a collective unconscious from which we all come and go, a First Man, or sometimes addressed as Anthropos, the collective spirit of man.

So The Thing That Rules The Empty, The Shadow, existed before God and Amara. God is Light. Amara is the absence of Light.

But God is also Grace. And The Word.

Does it really matter, respectively, how he branded his stuff? He might call it gak in another world for all we know. But Grace is the essence by which Chuck *does* create.

So let’s do another mental exercise here: If one were to remove all human souls from any of Chuck’s constructs, what makes them any different than the realms Gabriel makes where people mindlessly follow scripts he wrote? What makes them any different than the headspaces archangels have shoved their hosts down into? Or the place Sam went to inside his own head in Man Who Knew Too Much that was an entire expansive world, even with a few random hiccups here or there in it?

Chuck installed the world with aspects of himself to keep it tick tick ticking if he offworlded. I’m going to guess he had an oopsie or two in random worlds before he figured that one out KSJDfksjdf but that’s an aside.

But angels are tied to the divine spheres, and to grace. They were given minds and consciousness, but not souls. He can’t create nor control those, after all. And while in almost any form of study the mind is capable of Doubt and Question with or without a soul, I mean, plugging an angel with an installed soul just seems like a super bad idea.

After all, they are wavelengths of intent. HIS intent. They are the editors of his story that keep it running in lines. They are arbiters and heralds of his messages. They are the programs in the matrix that keep it running, until they corrupt and unplug from the central code and then fuck off into the operating system with the rest of people, even if they can never LEAVE the operating system. Except Cas. Cas can. Which I’ll address below.

“What is grace?” Well, we’ve been using storywriting metaphors in canon this year. Grace is the page on which the ink is set. The Word is the letters etched into it. Collectively, with some imagination, the end product, especially when run through your editors, is a complete and fairly cohesive story, with arguable interpretation of validity or merit.

So you’re probably realizing I haven’t really explained *how* then God or Amara came to be, yet.

Okay, so let’s think Big Bang, metaphysical edition. There was absolutely jack shit all nothing that defines our reality, be it light, dark, space, time, dimension, much less material or immaterialism. But somehow, at some point, Nothing woke up and went “Dafuq?” and then all kinds of shit happened. For example, it might have even Dafuqed its own paradoxical nature and birthed duality in it, of Presence and Absence. These, then, would be Light and Dark. So now, there’s Nothing Dafuqing and just wanting to go back to napping/not fucking existing alone, and then two ancient things crop up out of nowhere. And with the Shadow all but absent, they only have themselves and each other.

So Chuck builds his toy soldiers and Amara destroys them as his antithesis. But what does he build his stuff from? 

Grace as a word even falls into several hermetic constructs as one of these cornerstones. If Grace is the page Chuck writes on, and his thoughts/intent are The Word, the result is that what he imagines is what is to become. Be that good or “evil”, though we find now just like in hermetics that evil isn’t really a thing, as much as the absence of good, and the absence of good comes with the absence of a soul.

So now we’ve got Chuck making a library of things trying to find something okay enough to do in non-eternity. After all, he can hop worlds, revert time, go when and wherever he wants, make whatever place he wants to go to, come up with spiderturtleducks if he gets bored enough, what the fuck ever. I totes have it on good sources that there was a universe somewhere with turtlemonkeys with eight arms. Don’t @ me.

Either way, hopefully that clarifies the idea of “What is Grace?”; the page was first proverbial, but made literal and manifest in the world defined out of the nothing, and by Grace are all things made, and by the Word all is known. 

The idea of Anthropos, the Inky Man, or The Shadow – the First Man, the Great Adam, whatever the fuck any given denomination’s term is for it – varies slightly in perennial thought. Our humanistic show, however, and all signs seem to be pointing to an interpretation in which the shadow predates them and yet doesn’t in this ambiguous time space. It is simply a shadow of a place that did and didn’t exist yet at that point.

And that paradox is, very likely – I’d call it a *very educated theory based on the theology that inspires our mytharc* – what defines humanity. 

So am I saying humans don’t even exist? Absolutely not. But they are the thing outside of and beyond creation while living in it, from which we do not truly understand the idea of in eternity if you believe in it. But whether it’s gnostic thoughts that say god like threw man into the universe and trapped him in a machine, bodies included; or the hermetic one where the forefather yearned for a meaning to its nonexistence, and by it made the demiurge we call YHVH or Chuck, respectively, in SPN – and by it found a world to fall in love with and fall into, much as angels fall into man – perennial thought aligns with humans being something far and beyond this cage, and the show supports it, as the most sought powersource that could even end God Himself – as the thing he can neither create nor destroy, just shove in boxes – as the thing he can not control.

Humans are a paradox in definition, and that paradox seeks a meaning to life, and in it, it essentially – by a chain of progress, mind you – creates the world. After all, He Who Has The Most Souls Are Become God, am I incorrect on SPN canon here? Be that S6/7 Cas’ Big Mistake (including not making any sort of chambers of contentment to keep them from fighting back, no leviathan mental headbars, no greatest hits of heaven tucked inside of him), or them recalling this in 15.3 /from two directions/ and by which Rowena became the authority in hell even after Cas beat the shit out of Belphegor to stop HIM from becoming that kind of king – if Chuck didn’t have souls, would he even actually have power? And why else throw men, now forgotten of their source and thrown into bodies, into places like heaven and hell? In hell human souls that went against Chuck’s will destroy each other until they lose their light; if Chuck can’t destroy them, let them destroy each other. In heaven, like in MichaelDean’s headbar, they’re given contentment and also cease fighting back. They don’t return to a source, they don’t amass, they’re carefully segregated and processed.

So anyway back to the Shadow. I’ve mentioned the hermetic ideas of Nous I and Nous II. They’re both God in a way, but completely independent beings. Nous II is what people commonly think of with “God.” The christian god, the creator of the universe, but also a spiteful god by his own words, in the bible itself. To many christians it’s even sacrilege to think of there being anything before God, he created the universe so clearly he yelled FIRST and licked it or whatever, and That’s That. But Nous I is the Forefather, the Shadow I’ve spoken of. And while it doesn’t necessarily dictate the world, it also manifests forward as Anthropos to experience the world.

If there was a collective vat of souljuice in oblivion, and those pieces fell into bodies by force or choice, it is the development of the id, ego, superego, and general self that then defines who we become as individuals. Until “The real Sam and Dean” line I was in conflict, wondering how the AU selves sorted out in mechanics. It seemed in conflict with the very nature of individual souls for them to be simultaneously across worlds but pent up in heavens. But then the answer became simple and remained true to form: we are what we make ourselves, and bond with who makes us complete as a great work that help us master ourselves. The very idea of mastering ourselves, however, is one of great relativity as we are, in the end, just trying to find a meaning to our existence, or nonexistence, or whatever else even if it’s by running through a matrix in a million billion parts that become a million billion different people with different stories, experiences, relationships, personalities all subject to it, but in the end, souls find each other, especially partner souls. 

I hate the term soulmates, really. In the scale of it, it’s more like a 10000000000000000000000000 (or infinite) piece soul puzzle, but some pieces click together more than others and by it we find better selves.

*takes in a deep breath*

So aNyWaY

I still haven’t answered why I feel Cas has a soul, but it required getting that proposal out of the way first, and it’s simple really: minding what I’ve said, anyone notice anything? The Shadow didn’t reflect Lucifer. It didn’t reflect soulless Jack (though it did try to communicate with a creepy smile which lends me to believe there’s a smol soulspark left in Jack to compliment him touching Mary’s name on the table), it didn’t reflect Death. It only reflected Castiel. And in the end… Why Are You Awake? Nothing in the history of Ever has woken up here. You’re outside of the book. There is no book. Why is this page floating around in my Nothingspace, get the fuck out, stop littering.

The entire construct of this breaks out that existential crisis in fandom as much as Dean – does that mean none of this is real? No. Dean answered that in 5.18 long ago, even if he reflected his own words in his fear, terror, and panic.

You want to know what’s real? People. Families.

Nothing about our lives is real.

We are.

Castiel never forgot the reason he fell for Dean, that fateful day, and that fateful discussion. Chuck’s machinations are nothing new to Cas. Cas used to be part of that machine himself really.

How, exactly, he acquired a soul is a whole other topic for another post which has never been answered overtly, but it was either developed on or before the season 8 finale when Metatron referenced it. This later is augmented by the Shadow and by Cas NOT recognizing what it feels like to lose a soul and instead deferring to Sam for the experience, meaning he probably didn’t entirely lose it which also removes some of the old alien stick-in-assedness. There’s plenty of material that could be read as Cas having a soul, but the one that SCREAMS to me the most is The Big Empty, for entire like… cosmogenic construct reasons.

Hermeticism addresses the idea of three principles that, while they have many names, boil down to Mind, Body, and Soul. Soul is the Prima Materia, the essence by which All Things Come, even Mind and Body, and Mind and Body return to Soul and build them as well in this paradox. But the soul creates the prime material, and the mind perceives the material, which then becomes the body. This can be the literal human body or the idea of physical creation as a whole, eg, body of the world. The soul and mind are beyond these things and exist without them, even if the soul and mind are developed and fostered into individuals by the experiences they gain in this manufactured reality.

After all, Eileen’s ghost wasn’t suddenly Hearing, even though it’s not a matter of blown out eardrums anymore. We can just handwave it and say it’s being politically correct, which it also is, and bless them for it – but also, her mind and by proxy soul never really grew and perceived the idea of Sound as defined by the Created Universe as part of her experience. After all– sight, sound, smell, touch, taste – these are all things defined within our universal bubble. We can enjoy the trip through these worlds and learn from them and make memories and meanings, but … there’s no reason to “fix” that. Eileen was her own complete person as she was, hearing or not.  WHY would her ghost even know what it means to Hear? 

Why can cas, theoretically just a program, wake up in oblivion? Humanity. For agent smith to leave the matrix he had to corrupt and acquire a human body. But the perennial thought aligned with matrix symbolism makes that synonymous with a soul.

Cas has a soul.

So bigassed long answer but yeah– hopefully that– answered everything?

When it comes to id, ego, superego, etc– or in older hermetics shadow, animus, anima, self – I tried to break down the show’s use of it, and constructed realities, in this video here. Watch it a few times if you have to. It also includes both primitive shadow and individual shadows as well as Animus (the masculine ego, with daddy issues reflected through their designated archangels) or Animus (the more evolved feminine superego, as given to us by Dumah/Sam’s bartendress [same actress–] or Pamela).

Y’all are probably sick to death of me plugging that but I swear to god if you watch it through and think, even after a few attempts, you’ll start getting it – and what parts you don’t, just send me an ask like this.

And mark my words. Just as Cas figured out both the Empty and Michael were full of shit, the look he had after Rowena declared She Took It tells me he’s going to be key, if not THE key, in their resolution, mirroring her choice. Fight me. Which is one of the many topics I addressed in the new video (including divine masculine vs feminine, paths, lessons, the phases of awakening [black/shadow, white/animus, yellow/anima, red/self], whatever)

On an aside, I might propose dreamwalkers, born on identical days in different worlds, and able to travel across them, may actually somehow share a soul while living duplicitous lives and sharing experiences, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

But if Chuck built himself into the Body of the World to keep it together, well. It’s his one weakness, sure. But also the world itself on removal. Now the real question is how much of this TFW as parents, Cas especially, is going to let fall on Jack. Because they can’t be like the forebearers that made their cursed paths. chuck may be the key but he does not need to be the answer, these are not the same. So yeah, I’m still stuck on my Goddess/Empress-unbirthing-in-Binah-to-make-the-new-aeon spec. Hell, maybe it really just takes unplugging Chuck and sieging heaven and loosing all the souls in a giant rebellion, sure, but what then retains the balance? I’d stare into the camera, but I’m too busy looking at Cas.

It’s worth noting that depending on denomination, the variables may change in this; eg, Chuck and Amara as thoughts spawned from the Empty also mean a Return To God is completion in some Hot Takes, which would be for example going to heaven, whereas Amara removes them from chuck’s light/creation and theoretically drops them back To Live As One within, say, the Shadow again. But our structure does not seem to be pointing to the read of Joining God In Heaven As The Big Goal as much as I Am Become God.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XVIII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Offended (part II)

(6x03/6x06/6x07)

Hello my friends! This is another volume from my Destiel Chronicles. The second part of "Offended".

I want to give special thanks to my dearest friend @agusvedder , this time she couldn't make the gifs, but she helped me with the discussion! Thank you girl!

Ok, now... Let's go straight to the point.

Castiel in angel soldier mode

Coming back to episode 6x03, Dean is witness of Castiel's soldier mode behavior.

The angel moves fast appearing and disappearing (we need to recall this chapter was written by Edlund, and he loves to write angels as dynamic forces, and make Dean yelling FREAKING ANGELS! Everytime he is in the middle of this) So Cas was moving around, fighting with some angels, and being very risky with a kid, touching his soul for information. That was an alert alarm for Dean.

Sam is soulless, so, he can't understand the concern about hurting a kid, and he is more on line with Castiel's soldier mode behavior. In the middle is Dean that can't believe CAS is doing such a thing to a boy.

Cas is so accelerated that Dean needs to stop him somehow. The angel gave just a little of information to their friends.

CASTIEL: It is simple: Raphael and his followers, they want him to rule Heaven. I -- and many others -- the last thing we want is to let him take over. It would be catastrophic.

SAM: You're talking civil war.

CASTIEL: Technically, yes. Which is why we have to find Balthazar and his weapons before Raphael does. Whoever has the weapons wins the war.

So he didn't explain the details, but it was enough there...

Pointing here the fact that Dean is seeing Cas in his soldier mode, is a behavior he will have the whole season, and he will repeat I'M AT WAR a lot of times, as an excuse.

And I'm not forgetting this manner...

CASTIEL: If the angel we seek truly bought this boy's soul, when a claim is laid on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand.

Now... This topic had been analyzed a lot here, it would explain the handprint in Dean's shoulder and it also would explain why Sam was pulled out from Hell without a soul by Cas... He couldn't claim his soul (bc it was very difficult to do it by himself). Just a Destiel observation.

Let's jump now to the next episode.

Dean is mad at Castiel bc he doesn't pay attention to their problems

In episode 6x06 "You Can't Handle The Truth", we had just one scene with Castiel but with a huge intensity.

First of all... The episode begins with Bobby and Dean and this question...

BOBBY: Did you call Cas?

DEAN: 'Course I called Cas. He's not answering. Screw him. I can't wait anymore.

Dean is worried about Sam's behavior. He doesn't know what is going on with his brother and he just saw him how he waits for him to be turned into a vampire by a monster. So he had been calling Castiel. And Cas doesn't answer.

This is new for him, bc till now, Cas was there for them. And he was helping them. But since he returned to Heaven, things changed. And Dean felt he was let behind. And he can't understand why Castiel isn't there for him. Or why he isn't worried about Sam. He's so mad at Castiel bc of that. Bc he isn't there for him. Remember season 4? When they first met as I wrote in one of the first chronicles... Dean was pushing Castiel the whole time asking him for help, and he got mad when CAS didn't help him. And they just met! So this time is worst, bc they already are best friends, and Cas isn't there! So yes, Dean is mad at him.

And when Castiel finally appears... It shows...

DEAN (drains a glass of whiskey.) Castiel? Hello? Possible loose nuke down here, angelic weapon. Kinda your department. You hear that, Cas?

The way Dean is calling Cas is like if he wouldn't expect for the angel to show... But Castiel appeared... Bc Dean named an angelic weapon. Useful to the war.

CASTIEL appears. Hello, Dean.

DEAN: Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, and you come for some stupid horn?!

CASTIEL: You asked me to be here, and I came.

DEAN: I -- I've been asking you to be here for days, you dick!

Look how mad is Dean. And Castiel's answer doesn't helps. The hunter feels like Cas is avoiding him about Sam's soul but, by the other hand, he mentions an angelic weapon and Cas is there. And Dean is calling Cas dick! He is very, very angry with him.

Now... It comes the excuse...

CASTIEL, abashed. I didn't come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam.

DEAN: Well, that's great, because for all we know, he's just gift wrap for Lucifer.

Ok, we have one important matter here... Cas had pulled Sam out of hell... But the boys don't know that, so... Cas is avoiding this bc he is lying to them. (Yeah.. beautiful Gamble's plot... Transforming an ALWAYS HONEST CHARACTER into a LIAR ONE).

So... Now Cas is seeing how distressful Dean is about his brother's behavior and about him not paying attention to his prayers... And he decides do something to calm him down...

He refills Dean's glass with whiskey while he explains Dean's biggest fears about his brother being Lucifer is imposible.

And why am I so sure about this gesture was made with that intention? Because we will have the parallel in episode 6x09 "Clap your hands if you believe" (Edlund's) in which after being kidnapped, Dean returns to find his brother with a woman in the bed. So he was so mad at him, that Sam decides to give him a glass of whiskey.

The difference here is the huge sexual tension between Dean and Cas.

Dean misses HIS CAS

When Dean was more calm, he tries to talk with CAS...

DEAN: What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.

CASTIEL: I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

Is obvious Dean misses HIS CAS. The one that was there just for him.

And the excuse "I'm at war" is there again. And then... Castiel disappears again!

This made Dean get mad again...

But Cas appears again. And he sees Dean is mad at him. So he tries another strategy.

He promise he will help him.

This was a lovers fight, my friend, right in front of our eyes... Because you'll see... Dean is the husband that reclaims more attention from his husband and Cas is trying to please him with flowers and chocolates...

"Sorry babe, I know I wasn't at home these days, the work is demanding me more hours but I will take you for dinner next Sunday! It's a Promise!"

Is so hilarious but so accurate...

But it seems that Cas didn't take Dean for dinner and this is what we had in episode 6x07...

Dean bossy with Cas

In episode 6x07 "Family Matters" Cas is trying to make a diagnosis about Sam, and he discovers he's soulless...

But we will talk about the Destiel fight here...

Dean is being so bossy with Cas... Like if he was his servant or something. And Cas is being submissive, of course... because he didn't take Dean out for dinner... And Dean is mad again.

Not just this but... When they went to see Samuel, their grandfather, this scene...

SAMUEL: This Castiel? You're scrawnier than I pictured.

CASTIEL: This is a vessel. My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler building.

DEAN: All right, all right, quit bragging. So, you were dead, and...

Dean is cutting Castiel out, and is hilarious... But after this... Castiel has to come back to Heaven, because "he's at war", and Dean gave him a last order... In a bad way...

Cas is being sarcastic here... And we have another parallel with Bobby in episode 6x04. Bobby scolded the boys because they put their problems first. And is exactly what Cas is saying here.

So... Another lovers fight. And Dean being a jiltter offended husband.

And I'm keeping the "taking off my belt while liking my lips and watching you SUGGESTIVELY" scene for another chronicle...

To conclude

Dean was mad at Cas because he was putting the war over his problems.

He misses HIS CAS, the one that was always there for him. And he is disappointed about the way Cas is behaving.

Castiel tries hard to be in two sides at the same time and to please Dean helping him when he can, but he's also aware about Dean's selfishness.

I hope you like this meta! C-u in the next one!

If you want to be tagged just let me know.

If you want to read the previous Chronicles, here's the links...

Vol. XV/Vol. XVI/Vol. XVII

Buenos Aires July 3rd 2019 10:31 PM

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast

@emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel

[punainenpuolukka]

Oh, the Thing with the Ghosts, the Boys, and the Car?

Now that season 15 premiere is airing tomorrow, which I realized merely a week ago, I thought I’d like to celebrate it somehow, since the show that has meant so much to me and so many others is finally coming to an end. As a form of celebration I thought I’d like to take this unique opportunity to discuss Supernatural in general, what it has meant to me, and maybe tell a funny story or two that are at least somewhat related to Supernatural. And because Supernatural itself is so long, I decided to make this a longer series as well, each part focusing on a different topic with various levels of depth since there’s only so much I have to say some things. At the moment I have four or five topics in mind (or 12 after I started making an actual list and like half of them have great potential), and at the time of publishing Part 1 I have written three of them. The parts will be in no particular order and most have little to no connection with one another, I think. I try to keep them light and funny but since I myself am neither of those things, some might get a bit bleak. Also, I try to avoid making too many awkward confessions or rants and if I can’t avoid them, I’ll try extra hard to be funny or at least give the parts moderately entertaining titles because I’m moderately entertaining, and I just realized that awkward confessions would probably be the funniest thing I could possibly write. 

I’d also like to apologize that the first part got so bloated. Turns out, I have more things to say about Sam than I thought.

Part 1. Much Ado about Sam – I’ve had some problems but now I’m over them, I guess

Now hear me out, I like Sam Winchester. I like him very much exactly for the same reasons as everyone else likes him: he’s a good man who has had to fight tooth and nail, often quite literally, to be a good man, and to keep trying to be that good man when it would be easier to not be. Sure, sometimes he falters, sometimes he falls very far, but he chooses time and time again to be the good man we want him to be. Sam’s arguably the best at trying to be that good man; he has sacrificed everything from his life, his sanity, his freedom to his family and loved ones. And if he wasn’t ready to sacrifice them they were taken from him anyway. The whole universe has basically beaten him to the ground over and over again and he still stands up and continues to fight the good fight. He and his family have carried the world on their shoulders for so long the thought that it is not their responsibility is inconceivable. Gotta admire that tenacity. 

Sam is also kind and compassionate and understands like no other what it’s like to be the Other, and he can’t help but relate with those who have been othered like him. He wants to believe in the inner goodness of others and give second chances because he himself has gotten multiple chances to be and do better, and someone has always believed in the good within him. Alternatively, he can also be the meanest, scariest motherfucker ever if he needs to be, and in those moments he is so cold and cruel that you can hardly believe he’s the same person. And I haven’t even written how hardworking and intelligent he is or what an amazing hunter he is, a true living legend (who has admittedly been dead multiple times but who’s counting anyway, he’s alive now). 

Frankly, Sam is awesome. So why on earth wouldn’t someone like him?

Well, I can explain, I say as I really don’t know how to explain why I have had problems liking Sam. Or more accurately, I have occasionally had to make an effort to actively like Sam, especially during the early seasons, though since Supernatural is so long ‘early season’ can in my mind mean anything up till the very last few seasons. Before I continue, I feel like I should clarify that I have never hated or even disliked Sam, but he has certainly made me sad and disappointed in him because of all those previously presented reasons. I know he can be better and I wish him to be happy, even for just a while. Sometimes he just ticks as neutral. And when such a multifaceted character like Sam is ‘neutral’ there is a problem somewhere.

The thing is, and I'm aware how extremely silly this is, but there are some unfortunate coincidences concerning Sam that my weird brain interprets to his detriment. For instance, Sam was born May 2nd 1983 and my own brother was born May 3rd 1984, which somehow cosmically connects the two of them in my barely functioning brain, and no matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about them in relation to each other (as in when I think about Sam, my brain goes: “... and my brother, he’s almost the same age, so he belongs to this thought, right?” or when the discussion is about Sam’s birthday my brain immediately goes: “... and my brother’s the next day that’s important, just year and a day apart, can’t believe it”). However, my brother and Sam have nothing in common outside that year and two days of age difference (i believe 1984 was a leap year), and you know, one of them isn’t real.  So, due to some awkward and partially fictional dates, my brain is somehow convinced that Sam is automatically less than (my big brother, a real person who should not be compared to a fictional person with the suckiest life imaginable), and when someone is less than, that means I can’t like them, at least not as much as I feel I should, right? But until my brain gets past that people have birthdays, every day in fact, and that it has no significance whatsoever, I have to live with this weird coincidence (and my brain chimes: “... my friend’s birthday is November 2nd, that’s impor – “ no, just stop). 

If the last one was silly to the extreme, then the next one’s heavy: the demon blood issue. I understand that the whole deal with Sam drinking demon blood is a blatant allegory of substance abuse and drug addiction, and it’s a low point for him as a character on purpose, but it’s still difficult to watch, and even harder to talk about. I don’t want to talk about it at all. I don’t want to think about it all. Anytime anyone brings up the demon blood drinking and the powers Sam got from it (or the powers he had before that) I become irrationally angry and just shut down. I’m not upset that the demon blood thing happened, I’m upset that it was brought up in the first place and that there’s still some people after all this time who long for the days Sam was portrayed with such exceptional, raw, and frightful power. And here is where I disagree: to me Sam as himself, as the human that he is, is the gold standard. I don’t miss him having powers because all I can truly remember of that time is how it almost cost him his humanity. It was his lowest point in a time that was only getting progressively worse even without him spiraling into addiction. And then we saw how all for nothing it was. All that demon blood couldn’t keep Lucifer at bay, and for a brief moment all was lost. But in the end it was shown that Sam could only win as himself. So I don’t miss Sam’s powers or the demon blood drinking. It happened, it’s in the past, Sam is better now. Sam is better because he beat his addiction, he is better because he doesn’t need the powers to save lives or be the best hunter he could be, and he is better because with that whole thing behind him, he is better at being himself. I mean, there’s lots of bad things ahead of him, like the soullessness, the trials, the angel possession...you know what show you’re watching, I don’t have to do a recap. But Sam gets past all of them too, so not only is he coping with what is thrust his way, admittedly not always particularly well, he is allowed to get better. And very recently, but again, I have no concept of time when it comes to this show, Sam has started to let go of that cursed codependency that has plagued the show from the very beginning and allowed himself to get better and be better at being just himself. There’s finally light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel like I cannot press this enough, but to me Sam has been the very best for the last few seasons. When I think about him, it feels like I can finally breathe properly after my chest has been squeezed for years. The relief I felt after being anxious about him for so long came to me so gradually that I didn’t even realize there was a change until what had previously felt right suddenly felt wrong, and I realized I had grown accustomed to that feeling so I just assumed it was right when in fact it was not. And through the relief that I didn’t have to worry about Sam constantly came what at the time felt like a revelation: Sam is amazing, I like Sam and have liked him the whole time but for some reason thought that I couldn’t. It just snuck up and hit me on the head with same force that Sam gets hit with all the time (seriously, what’s up with his skull). I even felt ashamed when I thought I didn’t like him, which seems silly, but I know this fandom, people have had issues with other fans for much less.

In conclusion, despite the silly and heavy reservations I have had about Sam, he is made of awesome, and only through time have I understood how wonderful he is and how my capability to relate to him is so intrinsically connected to the worry for his safety that it had nearly incapacitated me from liking him. Not until I realized how that constant worrying had affected me and kept me from truly appreciating both him and the whole show, could I finally see what I really thought of Sam. Regardless, I’m excited for what will happen to Sam in the last season. I want him to beat the odds one last time, I want him to get to keep the family he still has left, and I want him to get all the things he deserves. And he deserves so much.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x23: “Sacrifice”

THE ROAD SO FAR: Kicking ass, taking names. Dean got out of Purgatory. Sam hit a dog. Kevin discovered the way to close the Gates of Hell forever. Abaddon is in the wind. Naomi mind-controlled Cas. The trials are “purifying” Sam. Metatron. Crowley is putting the Winchesters in a difficult place. What will they do now?

(Set to the show’s official/unofficial theme song.)

Aww Jody!

Roderick. Crowley used his human middle name as an alias.

Why must I always be reminded of what Jody went through?

Man, Jody was just trying to get back on the dating scene. She didn’t deserve to almost die.

“You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive, and slightly tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.”

“Call it off, Crowley.”

“Because?”

“Because it's over, you son of a bitch. We want to deal.”

Did the Winchesters already have their plan?

“First, I need to hear two little words -- I surrender.”

The show never let us hear Dean say “I surrender”. Good.

Nice location.

“You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil? Seriously?”

Sam looking like a real supermodel.

“All right, listen, this is a secret lair. You understand me? No keggers.” Kevin’s our next guest in the Bunker.

Houston, Texas. (Aaayyyy, my hometown!)

“What was he like?”

“Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you'd expect. Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist. But fair -- eminently fair.”

Hmm. I’d say that’s a good description.

The second “angel trial”: retrieve Cupid’s bow.

:Cas didn’t want to kill again.

Sioux Falls, South Dakota. 

At Bobby’s old scrapyard. (I bet it was Crowley’s idea to meet up here.)

There’s Bobby’s car. :( (Isn’t there any way they can take it with them and have it at the Bunker?)

“You know why I always defeat you? It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap.“ Huh, didn’t Soulless Sam say something similar?

Who’s plan was this?

“Sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.”

“What's he mouthing on about?”

“You're the third trial, Crowley.”

Oohh!!!

“Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?”

“Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.”

I love Cas.

(Okay, but tell me that doesn’t describe Destiel. Partners in crime, where one is into nurse role-play, Cas, and light domination, Dean.)

NOO, NOT THE BARTENDER.

“Stop. Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse. Please.”

“How you feeling?”

“Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good.”

Aww.

“You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

“Well, once, when we were kids.”

What did Sam say back then?

“I have no clue what to say now.”

“Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.”

“O-okay. Yeah, sure.”

“All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh... Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory--”

Yeah Sam, you got a list.

“Well, that was you.”

“...Carry on.”

Pfftt. 

We won’t get to see Dean’s confessional until S10, I think.

“Okay, um...if anybody's listening, here goes.” I would’ve liked to have seen Sam’s confession.

Cas has come to Dean for help.

Metatron, meet Naomi.

Who would’ve known that between these two evils, Naomi was the lesser one?

"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content." I do like that.

“Metatron, the guy who was full-on crazy, cat-lady-hoarder angel yesterday -- now he wants to save Heaven?”

“Yes, he wants to. But I'm the only one in who can. I can't fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.”

NOOO. What did I say about being the “only one” being shady??

“Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it's Sam.” Of course that’s when Sam had to walk in.  

“Start the injections now. If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

The third trial has officially begun.

“According to your own words this morning...this is not what I do. It's what I did. You told me I was out, Dean.”

“There is no out. Only duty.” Damn, Cas.

“...until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place.”

I love that Cas has to add that technicality.

Owww, Crowley! That hurt me.

He got a good amount of blood too.

Oh, we ‘bout to get it!!

“Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.” AWW. Cas probably went over and healed him after the angels had left.

This could’ve been one of the last times Dean and Cas have a conversation...and it’s about whether Cas might die soon.

“So this is it? E.T. goes home.” You know damn well Cas doesn’t understand pop culture.

Gail, our Cupid.

“Damn, that's sweet.” “ Damn, that's sweet.”

There it was.

"Nice to Be with You” by Gallery.

Dean’s just in total awe.

I’m so proud my hometown is canonically the location of that scene.

Crowley would be singing that song. “Changes” by David Bowie.

“Hello, boys.”

Ouch. There went Sam.

“Give us your bow.” Slow your roll, Cas.

“Talk first, stab later.”

“Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.”

“Right now, you and I are gonna talk about regime change.”

Burned Abaddon to a crisp. Good job, Sam.

Cas acquires cupid’s bow.

“...to sit at God's feet, to be asked to write down his word? The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, "Father's left, but look what he's left us -- paradise." But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone. You ran me from my home. Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?”

Naomi ain’t buying it...but she seems to have figured out what he’s really up to.

Oh, is this the scene with Crowley?

It is!

“We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?! Aah! Aah! ‘Band of Brothers’? ‘The Pacific’? None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once? ‘Girls’? You're my Marnie, Moose. A-and Hannah -- she just --she needs to be loved. She deserves it.”

Wow. Fine acting form Mark Sheppard there.

“Would it be possible, Moose...I'd like...to ask you a-a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there...what did you say? I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness?” Mark Sheppard is truly doing a great job.

Human!Crowley was wonderful.

“Come on, Kev! We're on the one-yard line here.”

“Okay, a-and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors -- y-you want to motivate me, "Magic" cards, "Skyrim," Aziz Ansari.”

“What? Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.”

Pfft.

“Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it -- an act of revenge for driving him away.”

“Break it how?”

“Expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer.”

“Cast you out? To where? Hell?”

“Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth.”

Naomi’s telling the truth.

Dean can stop a powerful warrior with one touch.

“If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.” Oh dear.

“I will listen.”

“Dean, I'm not wrong. I'm going to fix my home.” I’m not sure which I consider more painful: that Cas was wrong, or that Cas still considered heaven his home.

Now knowing that Naomi’s still alive, it’s kinda obvious that a drill to the head wouldn’t have killed her and she was just catatonic here.

“She told you I lied, didn't she? You should've listened to the bitch.” Metatron, you asshole.

“What's going on? Where's Cas?!”

“Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.”

“So?”

That one little word shattered my heart.

“These were never trials, Castiel. This is a spell. And what I'm taking from you now -- your essence, your Grace -- is the last piece.”

The moment that changed Cas forever.

“Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from Hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here.” 2 of these 3 things will come back. They’ll work a case that involves killing a hellhound in S12, and even sooner than that, they’ll cure demon!Dean.

“You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?”

(So Sam was jealous of Cas?)

“Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Dean loves his little kid brother very much, and it is the backbone of this show.

“Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on.”

“Castiel?! Where the hell are you?” Cas can’t come to the phone right now.

And where the hell was Kevin gonna go??

What a tragic and beautiful shot.

“Angels. They’re falling.”

[darkstar6782]

5.09: The Real Ghostbusters - My Rewatch Review

I find it truly fascinating that the one thing that Supernatural seems to do better than anything else, and better than any other show I’ve ever watched, is meta episodes. I don’t know if it’s just because the show’s premise lends itself so well to working meta commentary into it, or if it’s because their writing staff are just outside their own story often enough to have given the shape of the story as much thought as the fans; it’s probably a bit of both, to be honest, but whatever it is, it is definitely where the show truly shines, over and over and over again.

And there was a certain level of brilliance to making Supernatural a story within a story with Chuck’s book series, because the one thing that I like most about the meta episodes is the way in which they give Sam and Dean a chance to see their lives from outside the experience of living it at different moments in time, often at times when they really need the perspective shift in order to come to terms with one thing or another. I don’t think it’s just coincidence that the three biggest meta episodes—this one, ‘The French Mistake’, and ‘Fan Fiction’—come after three of the biggest rifts in Sam and Dean’s relationship—the start of the Apocalypse, Sam being soulless, and Dean being a demon. The important thing about all of these particular fractures in their relationship at those given times is that they were, to a large extent, unintentional. If you consider Sam going off with Ruby and breaking the final seal as the culmination of both destiny and a level of manipulation from the larger forces of angels and demons that the boys would have had no hope of resisting at the time, there is definitely a level of unintentionality, at least on the part of Sam and Dean in particular, that led to that particular rift. And the same can be said for the fractures in their relationship that occurred when Sam was soulless—something that he had no control over—and when Dean became a demon—another unintended consequence of him trying to do good with all the wrong information.

What the existence of the Supernatural books and Supernatural fans directly in Sam and Dean’s world do for them in those moments is help them recognize the things about their story that they tend to lose sight of, as we all do when we are just living our lives from day to day. No one really thinks of themselves as a hero in their own lives—and the people that do are probably less heroic than anyone else would consider them—and we also don’t always see the way in which, just by being ourselves, we can inspire others to be or do better. And, for most of us, this is all theoretical anyway, because we do not have anyone writing and distributing our life story for others to read, and appreciate, and analyze for the things we cannot see in it ourselves, but we are not Sam and Dean. And Sam and Dean really are heroes who are destined to save the world, and they have a relationship that, for as rocky a road as it has been on lately, is the envy of most people. It is why I and so many others are fans of the show, after all, and there is something very comforting about knowing that the writers understand this as well, so much so that they write fans of the boys into the show to express the same sentiments that the fans outside of the show in the real world do. 

And it is also comforting for us as fans to, by proxy, be able to tell Sam and Dean how much they mean to us as characters, and what it is about their lives, as difficult as they are, and about their relationship, as tumultuous as it is, that inspires us, and makes us love them, and makes us care about what happens to them. And I like to think that, in that moment at the end of this episode where Sam comes up to Dean while he’s standing at the Impala after having spoken to Demian and Barnes, that the smile on his face is for us. That because of fans of the show, speaking to him through other characters in the show, he is seeing everything about the life he leads, and the work he does, and the brother that he loves and cares about, and himself in a different, better light. And I like to think that he carries Demian’s words about saving the world and having a brother who would die for you with him for a long time, and that they eventually help give him the strength to do what has to be done to truly save the world and stop the Apocalypse at the end of this season.

[fuckyeahoscarisaac]

On Compulsive Home-Movie-Making During Loss, Birth and Hamlet Bobbi Jene director Elvira Lind on the documentary she shot but may never show about a tumultuous year in her and husband Oscar Isaac’s life.

By Elvira Lind | September 20, 2017

It’s Sunday and one of those uncomfortable hot and humid days in New York that feels like walking around inside a dog’s mouth. Luckily I have spent the day mostly in the darkness of the Public Theater filming the early preparations for a Hamlet production my boyfriend Oscar and his buddy from Juilliard, Sam Gold, are putting together for the following summer.

Oscar works in movies mostly; he has been in many. In the five years we have been together, I have seen him die countless times. I have visited set and watched him get stabbed to death over and over the entire day. He has also been killed by a rocket explosion, by various kinds of knife wounds, by poison (twice), by self-inflicted gunshot to head (twice), drowning (almost), in his spaceship (again almost), from a strange and very fatal disease, from melting via telekinesis, and perhaps some more that I have now forgotten. He has had more haircuts and body shapes than anyone I have known. After years of having people scream “Action!” at him and going on endless press tours in soulless corporate hotel rooms, it’s great to see his excitement grow at the thought of getting back onstage in our adopted home town. This theater workshop week is the happiest I have seen him.

I have just spent three months in an edit room finishing a documentary and am desperate to be shooting something again. Filming from a new perspective helps clear my head. The actors and musician from the Hamlet workshop generously allow me inside with my camera to capture some of their work with my camera. Oscar and Sam want to keep some documentation of their Hamlet process for archival purposes (also known as future nostalgia). I film them playfully chew their way through Shakespeare’s tragedy in an explosion of creative energy. I am captivated by it.

During that week, I don’t think much of my sudden disgust with the smell of palo santo wood that Oscar insists on burning during the workshop. However, a handful of positive pregnancy tests that Sunday afternoon reveal why I have developed a sensitivity to this odor. The news is joyous to me since Oscar and I have agreed that having a baby would be a wonderful thing. However, in that moment of realization, it is also scary. I know that it will challenge my work as a documentary filmmaker in which I am used to traveling alone for long periods of time, always being ready to get up and go wherever the story I am working on dictates. This could become testing. However, in my thirties my primal instincts have slowly silenced that part of my brain that wanted to continue life as a lone wolf on the prowl for new stories to film. I will find a way to continue doing both, I assure myself. It has been done before.

It catches me off guard when Oscar arrives home earlier than I had expected that Sunday. He suddenly stands in the door of our apartment, and he looks so sad. Not like the guy I had said goodbye to at the theater that morning. He has received a call. His mom is ill, they didn’t know what it is yet, but it seems to be serious. He is frightened.

I have never seen anyone love their mom as much as Oscar loves his, an incredible lady, a fighter, a tough cookie. She balances soft and gentle with a great temper and sharp humor.

After a couple of hours of us both pacing up and down the apartment not knowing what to do, and me not knowing how to now share the news about my pregnancy, I eventually manage to whisper it to him. Like a shy child on her first day of school.

We sit on the terrace, in the last moments of the day’s sun, holding the best and the worst news at the same time.

For the next year, only three things happen in our life. Hamlet, Oscar’s mom’s fight against an aggressive cancer, and the baby who had decided to join us in the midst of this turmoil.

Sometimes life is a crazy, crazy ride, with birth and death plowing your timeline at the same speed. Like being hit by a hurricane, pants down. We hadn’t braced ourselves for the impact.

At first, we are completely numbed by what is happening. We take everything day by day, some days hour by hour, as things with Oscar’s mom get more serious. And then, at some point, I grab my camera and start shooting randomly. I convince myself that I am shooting footage to cover Oscar and Sam’s work on the Hamlet production. And yes, I am filming Sam and him figuring out how to tackle this beast of a play and Oscar becoming Hamlet. But rehearsing the role of a man deeply mourning his father’s death is very close to home suddenly. Simultaneously, I film trips to the hospital’s intensive care unit in Miami, lying upside down on the passenger seat, contorting my seven-months-pregnant bod, to get a good shot of Oscar rehearsing his Hamlet lines while he drives. Hamlet starts to become a small island that Oscar has been washed up on in the middle of this unbearable loss. I film when we can’t sleep, I film when more and more of Oscar’s family arrive with suitcases until we all live in the same house together. Day after day, they go through moments of such sorrow. They talk in Spanish and I struggle to understand the words but I understand the incredible intimacy they share, something we don’t share on that level in Scandinavia.

I film the dogs tanning in the sun, someone baking a cake for a birthday, Guatemalan meals being cooked loudly. Oscar on calls with his agent and the theater, trying to get Werner Herzog’s incredible Dutch cellist to be in the play. I film when Oscar sings to his mom after she loses consciousness, as the family watches the sunrise together the morning she passes away. The sky is bathed in colors. I keep filming when we have to return to our life in New York and I am a month away from birth. We make fun of my swollen body. I film when we plan a shotgun wedding with a handful of people on some friends’ roof on the only summer day in February. When I am 10 days overdue and my film premieres at the Tribeca Film Festival, it receives a bunch of awards and I have to record my acceptance speeches from the delivery room.

Our son arrives and again life is turned upside down. I keep filming when Hamlet comes to life in our home, comes to life on the stage and when Oscar practices having his life end with poison – for a third time in his career. I film as Oscar has to find a way through a play, for four hours every night, that is about the devastation of losing a parent.

I film our son growing bigger and bigger and the proud look in my husband’s eyes when he looks back at me through the lens. I film our lightest moments and our darkest moments. They are rubbing against each other, but the lightest begin to take over. I film incoherently and with no real aim in mind. I just record us, I record to get some distance and filter reality through my various camera lenses. My camera is always just sitting there ready to shoot. In the end, I don’t even ask before I shoot, I film people who are visiting us, the guy who works at the garage, Oscar when he is sleeping. Sometimes I don’t film anything for days and other times I film non-stop, even with my free arm while I am breastfeeding my baby with the other.

I wonder if people who work as accountants just work on numbers frantically in similar heated life moments.

Perhaps I film to digest my own reality. Seeing my life through my camera bit by bit somehow helps me.

I organize this footage in folders, I back it up on a second drive, I treat it like I do my other films. But I know that even though this may be the strongest, most honest and unfiltered footage I have ever captured, it will most likely never get seen by anyone.

I wonder how many stories sit out there, on a shelf for a lifetime, because it is just too close to the life of the one who filmed or wrote or composed it. Many, I imagine.

I ask so much of the people I film for my documentary films. I film my subjects in their most intimate moments. I barge into their lives and capture them while they are in the middle of making difficult life decisions, breaking up or about to make love. And yet, when I point the camera in my own life’s direction, I am cowardly and can’t imagine sharing it with anyone.

But, I guess, time will have to tell. The readiness is all.

Elvira Lind

Born in 1981 in Copenhagen, Elvira Lind graduated from City Varsity School of Media and Creative Arts in Cape Town in 2006, majoring in documentary film. She has worked within that field since directing and shooting documentaries of various lengths for TV, cinema, and web on 4 different continents. Elvira now lives and works out of New York, where she also writes on various fiction projects. Elvira’s first feature documentary, Songs for Alexis, competed at IDFA in 2014 and screened at a long list of international festivals; she received CPH:DOX new talent award in 2015; and her first international documentary TV series, Twiz and Tuck, launched on Viceland this year. Elvira’s second feature documentary, Bobbi Jene, premiered at Tribeca 2017 and is being released theatrically by Oscilloscope from September 22.

[mittensmorgul]

About that human!Cas meta. Why is there an assumption the empty would leave him alone if he was human? We already know the empty can get into heaven at will, and so being human would not save Cas from his deal.

Human!cas anon: I wont deny I have trouble with this endgame because his human narrative in s9 hits several of my depression triggers and I've never been able to get those cut away from the idea of human!Cas. Its a somewhat silly reason to dislike that endgame notion, but having had a time in my life where much of what happened to s9's human!Cas happened to me, I find it difficult to understand the appeal of putting him back into a position that last time was bewildering, painful, and unhappy

Hi there! I assume this second message is from you, as well (they’re adjacent in my inbox and there’s not another human!Cas anon within the same region of my inbox). Apologies if I got the wrong one. :)

I’ll start by saying I’m not sure which human!Cas meta you’re referring to. There’s... an awful lot of it, but I assume you mean something I either wrote or reblogged today regarding 15.02.

I’ll next clarify that we just don’t know how the Empty Deal would be affected by Cas being human as opposed to angel. We’ve also potentially seen a perspective shift on the Shadow’s motivation behind making that deal with Cas in the first place. We DO know that the Shadow wanted Jack, but at that time, Jack was only a human soul. What changed the Entity’s mind and led to it accepting Cas’s deal? Cas’s plan for returning Jack to life.

Something has been weighing on me for a while, which I’ve written about recently, that Billie, the Shadow, and Jack are Up To Something™, and HAVE been for a really, really long time. We just haven’t been able to see it...

I think this potentially goes back to the beginning of Dabb Era, and the introduction of Billie in 11.02. She’s been patiently working for a very, very long time to bring about that meeting we saw in 14.20. Because Jack is literally possibly the only being in all of creation who potentially has the power to deliver a smackdown to Chuck.

So... Did the Shadow actually want Cas in the first place? Or was the deal he made just a convenient way to secure Cas’s position in their Grander Plan, as caretaker to Jack with a heavy personal stake in bringing Jack to a point where he’d be ready and willing to accept his role, to help Billie and the Shadow save creation from its creator?

I kinda hope that’s the case, actually, because that does NOT negate the narrative and personal significance of Cas’s deal, but it reframes it into something that the Empty could potentially nullify once the Bigger Objectives of the narrative have been achieved, you know? And this could symbolically occur through Cas willingly surrendering the part of himself that the Empty has a claim on-- his angelic nature itself.

Which Cas has been struggling with and against since the start of his tenure in the story. This has always been Cas’s journey-- even in s4 he struggled with rebellion from Heaven, with “doorways to doubt,” and human emotions and free will.

And I’m very sorry you identified so strongly with Cas’s pain during early s9. But Cas’s journey both before and after that has been understanding what he’s been through (even long before the narrative began, as Naomi mentioned that he’s been a frequent customer of Angel Reprogramming Services going all the way back to biblical times).

I personally feel like his human arc in s9 was agonizing not because of what he experienced, but because it was tragically cut short by his own personal feelings of duty, leading him to the “barbaric” choice to steal another angel’s grace (a process which very nearly literally killed him, and was directly responsible for the deaths of several other angels). And yet for CAS, there are aspects of his humanity that he mourns, there are aspects of humanity he can’t fully process with his grace. For all he suffered as a human, he clearly misses it in a lot of respects.

And even those born human in Supernatural, none of them have had particularly happy lives, you know? What was it Dean told soulless!Sam in 6.09:

SAM: Yeah. Okay. Look. Brings up a question. So, say you got a soul and you’re on a case, and your brother gets abducted by aliens—DEAN: Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back.SAM: Right! You do, but, what about when there are no more leads for the night? Are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there’s nothing that can be done at that moment?DEAN: YES!SAM: What?DEAN: Yes, you sit in the dark and feel the loss.SAM: Absolutely! But couldn’t I just do all that and have sex with the hippie chick?DEAN: No!SAM: It’d be in the dark.DEAN: No you couldn’t because you would be suffering, and you can’t just turn that off for the night.SAM: Why not?DEAN: Because if you had a soul, your soul wouldn’t let you.SAM: So you’re saying having a soul equals suffering.DEAN: Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.SAM: Like, the million times you almost called Lisa. So you’re saying suffering is a good thing.DEAN: I’m saying it’s the only game in town.

Well, that’s a cheerful definition of what it is to be human, isn’t it? But that’s been every human on this show’s essential baseline for like... ever. So... why would Cas willingly choose that? Because like Cas himself told Sam in 10.03 (yes, he was talking about being a demon, but the way he spoke bore the pain of personal experience, of what this experience was like as an angel too):

SAM: What the hell are we doing to him, Cas? I mean, even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human.CASTIEL: Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier.

Cas basically told us that he also can’t feel real joy. Because you can’t have joy without pain. This is why the show has always framed “paradise” where there’s no suffering as... not a good thing. Free will and the ability to choose one’s own path through life is also something that only humans truly have (or would, if Chuck stopped messing around in their lives.

I think, after everything they’ve all suffered through for the last 15 years, they all deserve to finally earn out their own joy. They’ve certainly all suffered enough for it. But the show has been telling us for years that Cas’s ideal of joy is far more human than he’s ever been willing to accept. I have a whole tag about this, and why I feel this way. And it’s not based on Cas’s disappointing and painful experiences as a human, but his longing to experience humanity again with the knowledge after the fact of what he’d lost.

[meru-chanx3]

MARIE AND ALY FR THE OC THING !!!

THANKE @asanesana ~ =͟͟͞͞ ( ꒪▽꒪)

Full Name: Marie Dover (from Heartstrings [dark fantasy/psychological horror/supernatural])Gender and Sexuality: straight femalePronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: EnglishPhysical appearance: shoulder-length wavy dark blond hair (falls like Maki Nishikino’s), violet eyesBirthplace and Birthdate: Dover, UK, a lovey port town by the sea. May 15th, 1819.Age: 19 at death. She’d currently be 24Guilty Pleasures: before she died, she always tried to adopt every single stray animal she sawPhobias: claustrophobia. It didn’t help that Jack locked her in a small, dark cell.What They Would Be Famous For: being a circus freak if Jack’s crimes had been found out and she was exploited even further. She’s basically a soulless living corpse infused with mannequin parts to keep her broken limbs stable. What They Would Get Arrested For: killing many people under Jack Carpenter’s command, including Joseph Cross, her fiancé, although she wouldn’t understand why. She was just doing what she was told.  OC You Ship Them With: I know it seems gross to ship her with Jack, but he does change and become a better man as the story goes on. He comes to regret the deeds he’s done (killing people and reworking corpses to be his dolls and do his bidding) and treats her lovingly, working hard to give her the pleasant life she deserved. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Jack already did. Well, indirectly. Even though they had been good friends, she didn’t return his affections when he confessed, so he kidnapped her and when she refused to elope with him, he imprisoned and raped her. After about a week, she managed to escape her confinements and reached the top of Jack’s hideaway, but rather than taking the ladder down right in front of her, she leapt to her death, unable to live with what’s happened to her. Distraught, Jack tries his best to piece her body together with mannequin parts a shady street peddler had given him. He embalms her body to preserve it and after finishing the process, falls asleep, exhausted. He wakes up later at night to find Marie towering over him, waiting for him to instruct her. Ngh. Her background seems incomplete because she has more history with Jack before everything goes to shit, but the ask doesn’t ask for that soo. Favorite Movie/Book Genre: fantasy and romance novelsLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: happily ever afters I THOUGHT IT SAID FAVORITE WHOPS but nah she doesn’t really have a leastTalents and/or Powers: plays the violin and pianoWhy Someone Might Love Them: Marie had been very optimistic and supportive. She always knew how to cheer Jack up when he had family problems or was stressed with medical school and often played the violin for him to help put him at easel (They met each other when they started playing strings in an orchestra. Playing music helped Jack forget his problems.)Why Someone Might Hate Them: Jack doesn’t hate Marie, but hates himself whenever he lays his eyes on her. He’s reminded of his sins and the fact that even though she’s still around, she’s not the woman he knew. The beauty he had fallen in love with wasn’t in her looks, but in her soul, which is now long gone. How They Change: After being reworked, Marie is just a quiet, empty shell and barely reacts to anything. All she knows is that Jack is her master and she needs to protect him at all costs, or else she would perish as well since they’re linked by (figurative) puppet strings tying their souls together. As time passes, Jack suspects she isn’t totally empty, but a small remnant of her soul is still there. She solemnly tears up when Jack plays the piano piece Joseph was known for and Jack is hurt knowing she still loves him. Marie also seems to display a bit of sympathy when she stands over the corpse of Jared, a little boy who lived on the street nearby them. Jack notices her interest and he decides to rework the child to become like a son of theirs, the only doll he reworks not out of malice that he didn’t kill. (Jack plays house with the dolls he collects in a twisted, grotesque way. He was never close to his parents, so this is his way of trying to have a good family of his own.)Why You Love Them: She just. Deserved better. That is all.

I came up with Heartstrings just earlier last week dkowlsfjkdvZodiac by Uroboros inspired a LOT of it

Full Name: Alian Laniere (from Kingdoms)Gender and Sexuality: straight femalePronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: DanyllianPhysical appearance: brown hair with side braids gathered at the back, hazel eyesBirthplace and Birthdate: Port Sol, Danyllia. April 22, 1526. (seaside port towns are like my default starting towns for some reason wjofiedn)Age: 14 in Part I, 19 in Part IIGuilty Pleasures: she tends to her garden with loving care and likes to sketch landscapes in her notebook.Phobias: she wants to work as a medic, but she nearly faints at the sight of bloodWhat They Would Be Famous For: being the Almaridel florist’s number one customer. All of the allowance she saves, she spends on seeds and pots.What They Would Get Arrested For: trespassing and planting flowers in a stranger’s yard because she feels bad about how desolate it looks. Although when she would get caught, the neighbor would just sigh with a smile and let her continue (basically what she did to Rianne’s yardww).OC You Ship Them With: Sam Theorin; they’re both sweeties aaa. Also Derek, although it’s more like a sibling ship; she’s one of the few people he easily opens up to. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: D:Favorite Movie/Book Genre: adventureLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: n/aTalents and/or Powers: even though she’s a gentle person, she’s very determined to help people and get tasks done. She doesn’t rest until she’s done her best. Why Someone Might Love Them: kind and understanding, open-minded and always seeing the best in peopleWhy Someone Might Hate Them: I don’t think anyone would. I just think a negative traits if her would be being too trusting and naive. It wouldn’t be too difficult to take advantage of her.How They Change: When she was younger, she couldn’t really stand up for herself and when she met her cousin Jamie, she learned to be bolder. They look up to each other a lot. Why You Love Them: I wish I could be more like her…

I need to make proper pages for all my series someday;; I have the story and characters important plot lines outlined but I don’t wanna post em until I have portraits for the main characters (´；ω；｀)