#thinking about her now that we have that cinema lyric

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, 3x8, Let The Games Begin. Part 8-Party People Are You Ready to Cmrh?

Then she Cmere'd... I looked up the full lyrics of this song, Then She Appeared, for the first time today. And I feel this song is quite fitting for Jess and Rory, if for no other reason than they both appreciate References to Things.

Then she appeared Apple Venus on a half open shell Then she appeared The first photograph on Fox Talbots gel

I was a little frightened Flying with my senses heightened Cherubim cheered, then she appeared

Then she appeared As the giggling crew of Mary Celeste Then she appeared Pale Atlantis rising out of the west

I was a little dazzled Catherine wheeled and senses frazzled Know it sounds weird, then she appeared

And the sun which formally shone In the clearest summer sky Suddenly just changed address Now shines from her blue eyes

Then she appeared Brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap Then she appeared Dressed in tricolor and phrygian cap

I was a little troubled Hookah with my senses bubbled All Edward leered, then she appeared

And the moon which formally shone On the marbled midnight mile Suddenly just packed its bags Now shines from her bright smile

Then she appeared Out of nowhere Then she appeared Out of nowhere

I CANNOT. *leaps off a short building* Every time I'm about to put a pox on AmyShermanPalladino's home for ruining What Could Have Been, I center myself. I remind myself that this is 1000% Milo Fucking Ventimiglia's fault. We could have had it all. But no. He had to break free. He had to explore greener pastures. If greener pastures were unforgettable cinema classics such as Dirty Deeds (the movie where he jerks off into a loaf of bread) And Stay Alive. Amy Sherman Palladino was like, hey Milo, how about 5 years of steady work? And he was like no can do Amy but how about Jess gets hit by a bus for funsies?

You know what AmyShermanPalladino did ruin, though? This scene by having Rory abandon Jess to go find Dean for some reason.

That's DIRTY. What part works? Your wiener? Are you saying your wiener is working, Jess? I mean, that's good to know. But moot. The little fella is not going to see the light of the day for the next 8 months.

Uh oh. She's got that far off look in her eyes, people. Rory wears many crowns in this episode. The Queen of Blue Balls. The Queen of the Smooch and Run. She's got important business to attend to in both kingdoms. Jess will just have to attend to his own, apparently functioning, wiener.

Sports announcer named Bill who doesnt know anything about sports and is also a referee kinda and the other announcer is named Jim: Bill: Oh, it looks like there's been a violation on the court! To the bench for Gilmore! Jim, I've never seen such flagrant blue balling in all my years of describing television shows while I watch them as if they were basketball games! Jim: This is an unfortunate day for Jess Mariano's wiener, Bill. Bill: An unfortunate day indeed, Jim. Just as it's career was getting off the ground.

First of all Rory, of course you said "I look forward to many similar occurences in the future" after a mind bending makeout. Secondly, Why NOW? This very minute? Did Dean throw up the Butt Signal or something?

Yes, let us all Cumurrrh. If only life were made of nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and Cmeres.

She's still thinking about Dean while this is happening.

What Jess is going to be doing to his meat for the next 8 months. #beatit #justbeatit #beatthatmeat

Indeed. Hey, do you think Rory will run into Luke on her way to find Dean? I think his cock blocking mission went awry, he got lost and he's wandering around with a flashlight somewhere on the outskirts of Hartford, he thinks he sees movement in the bushes and thinks it must be Jess and Rory screwing on the ground in public (as it appears everyone thinks they do this) and he's like Aha! Found you! Jesstopher Mariano, as long as you live under my roof you will keep your pants on! It's back to the diner for you! You will work 12 hour shifts! I will pay you in acorns and pine cones and you will like it! And then he shines the flashlight but its just two stray dogs going at it. Between all this cock blocking and blue balling, there is a flicker of light. Of hope. of Joy. of Dean telling Rory to her face that nobody likes her. *wipes away tear* Dean was so real for this.

We get Dean creeping on Lorelai's window, Jess creeping on Lane's window, Rory climbing a tree and creeping in Dean's window...In none of these instances are any of the people behind the windows surprised or freaked out (Lorelai loved it, in fact). This one is particularly egregious. Girly really left Jess at a gas station so she could risk life and limb to climb a damn tree to talk to this clown with ugly curtains. Just what she needs, another broken arm that everyone could turn around and blame on Jess somehow.

Rory says she didn't want to ring the doorbell because she'd have to talk to Dean's mom who she thinks must hate her. Dean states his mom doesn't know anything. Yeah, it's probably not something Rory has to worry about, as I'm convinced Dean's parents dont know or care he exists. They just think a family of racoons lives upstairs and they made their den homey with a dartboard and a football poster. In any case, I don't think Mrs F gives a shit about her son's dorky high school drama. Thankfully not all moms are like Lorelai. Constantly meddling and sticking their noses into every tiny nook and cranny of their adult child's personal life. Speaking of Lorelai, Maybe Dean's Mom should be concerned though that he is being hotly pursued by a sexual predator (Lorelai). Okay, so not only did Rory leave Jess to talk to Dean, it wasn't even to discuss status of their own former relationship. She climbed a fucking tree just to implore Dean to tell his mom they broke up and to pout that his mom must hate her and thinks she's a little floozy (why would she think this? Mrs F's own worthless son dumped Rory, not the other way around. Also, Dean's mom better strap in in 2004.) Does my ex boyfriend's mom still love me and if she doesn't then why? Everyone loves me, Rory.

Describe Gilmore Girls Poorly: A show about about not engaging in any romantic relationships within a small town until you can escape and move at least 30 miles away. Again, if you think things are awkward now with your ex's mom... *whispers* 2004... Rory pouts that Dean is going to tell Clara and Clara is going to hate her too. Meanwhile, back at the gas pumps, Jess is realizing Luke is hopelessly lost and takes advantage of the situation.

Portrait of the jerkoff artist at work.

Sometimes, something happens in an episode of a tv show, something so DELICIOUS, that nothing else that happens afterwards even matters. Closing time, I know who I want to take me home, etc etc.

I really want to end the episode here because it would be just, UGH, perfect, but alas I still have soooo much rambling to do, while I bask in the confusing glow of Dean Forrester's humbling. Rory starts telling a story about some girl who lived in a tree for a year and Dean tries to close the blinds on her. Rory is not having it. Proceeds to tell a speech so unbelievably packed with lies and bullshit it would make Trump jealous. For every bullshit statement about Dean that comes out of her own, I'm going to zap with her with a tiny painless electric shock. Dean, you were the most amazing boyfriend in the world ⚡️ You made me so happy ⚡️ You made me laugh ⚡️ (when was this, exactly?) My mother liked you (and how!) you were nice to my friends ⚡️, you protected me ⚡️ (your friend had to protect you from his temper) you even came with me to that stupid ball (only after pitching a bitchfit about it first) I really did love you (only because my mommy said I had to love you) ⚡️I'm going to miss you sooo much⚡️(my mom will though) Dean: You're with him now? Rory: I don't want to talk about him. I just came to tell you how sorry I am. Wow. WOW.

Your NEW BOYFRIEND who is FRESH AS A DAISY and whose BALLS REALLY HURT right now is wondering where you went! Oh please Jess, do ask Rory tomorrow why she had to run off so suddenly. Let her stew in guilt juices as she struggles to explain how she ran away after your first real kiss as a couple to feed her ex boyfriend a freshly baked casserole of lies about how amazing he is and how much she misses him and how you, the new boyfriend, aren't even worth discussing. HOW IS DEAN THE HERO IN HIS EPISODE. Luke IS LOST really needs MONEY FOR CAB FARE FROM HARTFORD. She profusely apologizes for how she "treated him". Dean humbling Rory: Necessary on occasion Rory apologizing to Dean for anything: No. Just no. Even if she was at fault for certain things, like playing mind games and running around on him with Jess (Dean doesn't even know she cheated on him). We do not apologize to Dean for anything. Rory climbing a tree to grovel to Dean: Pathetic Rory climbing a tree to grovel to Dean and beg for his mom and 9 year old sister to please like her and tell Dean how uhmazing he was: Double pathetic with a side of Pity Cherries on top. We do not CRY-GROVEL to DEAN FORRESTER from a TREE! *whacks her with a newspaper*

Oh no..oh no...I swear she was walking away from the couch like she was going to go to bed, then she had to turn around. SHE HAD TO TURN AROUND. Rory: It was...eventful. Lorelai: It was eventful? *Chuckles in Lorelai* *a dark cloud forms* *Salty braces for impact of Couch Speech*

HUH? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WHY RORY. WHY. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. Here's my End of Episode Bingo Card (with two bingos! Almost a full card!)

[dropthedemiurge]

Love for Love's Sake | Things You Didn't Notice #9

(okay it's not an episode number this time i just still have many details to point out oops pls let me go)

I swear. I thought I'd stop mentioning small details because I already wrote like 10 posts on Tumblr translating and explaining all the cultural stuff regarding this show and the obsession is already becoming embarrassing, but I rewatched the last episodes again and I've got tiny. Little. Details. That I can't help but point people to once again. Because damn, the amount of thought put into this show!

(trigger warning: first part talks about suicide and depression, next ones are linguistic and cultural)

The Black Suit & The Sea

I would've asked Koreans I know about the significance of such symbolism but they are celebrating Seollal (New Year) today and I don't wanna ruin the festive mood asking about "how would people dress for suicide" x)

But after watching this scene, I recognized some strong parallels in Korean media depicting depression, suicide and one's decision to end their life. One of it is bridges and jumping (if you don't know what Bridge of Life is, ask me and I'll share, so this post wouldn't become too long) but another one is sea.

My interpretation - Koreans wear black suits to funerals, so if someone is headed to the sea in a black suit, it might mean this is the character's attempt to "have" their own funeral before finally ending their life. Why do I think this combination is somehow significant?

Because I remembered a music video one of K-pop artists I like (Kim Hanbin) made, after he experienced the downfall of career, extreme hate and rejection from the public, and severe depression. His whole album Waterfall tells Hanbin's personal story, dark thoughts and his battle to survive during the time when he was gone for 2 years, but in the music video for this album (illa illa) he is seen emerging from the sea in a black suit – metaphorically regaining his music and, most importantly, desire to live. Watch with lyrics!

If we think, this is how you depict suicidal thoughts/attempt in Korean media (of course, Love for Love's Sake was even more blunt in telling us the meaning), then Myungha wearing black suit wasn't just for the pretty or dramatic picture. More than that, we see him wearing the black suit for the whole last evening – especially when he goes to finally meet his mother.

Which tells us Myungha has already decided to disappear from this world, and was determined to do it on that day, and his mother rejecting him and pretending she doesn't know her son might not have been just the last straw... but it definitely could've been Myungha's last attempt to find anything in his life worth staying for, worth not going through with his plan.

Anyway, what a scary but beautiful symbolism.

Let's talk about something happier! More heartwarming!

Do you remember when we talked about the carefully placed movie posters in previous episodes? I payed more attention to the background this time when in Episode 8 Yeowoon ran to the cinema searching for Myungha in his world. And what an amazing discovery! When Myungha starts existing again and calls Yeowoon, the movie poster behind Yeowoon says "Guardian" (보호자).

And I already said in another post that Myungha in previous episodes admitted himself being Yeowoon's "guardian, protector" in the exact same word. But now this word is shown next to Yeowoon! As Yeowoon is the one who changed the main mission and has now declared himself Myungha's guardian and protector and will do his best to make him (his favourite pereson/bias/blorbo) happy. They have now both become guardians for each other. This. Goddamn. Show.

And I also want to shout out the VFX & Production team for this show – all the visual effects are very down to earth, gentle and not over the top but enhancing the series to the max. Like, maybe you wondered where on the screen does it say "Monday, August 14" and "Saturday, August 12"? Well, as expected, you see it on four monitor screens above the box office – the date, the ongoing movies (yep, still our favourite two fake movies) and available dates etc.

But when Yeowoon and Myungha agree to meet each other in the exact system time, they are facing each other without a barrier, and the screens are now counting down the time until the Game End. Instead of normally showing movies, like in the previous shot, it says "Time remaining: 3 hours, 23 minutes, 15 seconds". It was either done with VFX or practically, but still, the thought of incorporating system messages into the actual background is insane and I'm always happy to discover such details.

I don't know how many of you have motivational stairs at your schools, we definitely didn't have this but it's quite a popular thing in Korea. They put popular and uplifting sayings for students on each stair, sometimes they even quote motivational phrases from idols, like this:

And it's interesting that when system gets broken and Myungha is about to disappear, we see the deep cracks coming through the stairs, we see ruined school BUT at the same time the quotes in the show are so obviously in our focus. And they are already written (see screenshots above) in Korean and English, but I'll still write down: one is saying "Stay hungry, stay foolish" and "If you dream it, you can do it, you will succeed". So, perhaps... motivational quotes from sunbae?

And the last moment isn't heavy on translation but I still want to talk about it because cool Korean culture!xD You see the gang grilling meat on the roof (it's called samgyeopsal and it's very popular to have for gatherings), and then Myungha makes a "ssam" and feeds it to Yeowoon – but Sangwon steals it.

Ssam is a wrap, you grill meat then put it on the salad leaf, add other ingredients (like mushrooms, sauces, garlic, green onions etc, there are many side dishes) and then you wrap it in this sort of salad sack and eat it. It's very tasty and unusual combination. But the thing is! There is no way to make it for someone else and leave it on their plate so if you make a ssam wrap for someone and want to give it to a person, you literally have to feed them (like Myungha does with a very fond smile). This is why it's often seen as a romantic gesture (aka feeding someone from your fork etc) and why it's hilarious that Sangwon steals this ssam from Yeowoon (because he wants and he gets Myungha's affection and he's not above being a brat about it!)

I'm sure you can already sense it anyway without me telling you about romantic/close-friend implications, but I thought you guys might wonder why are the guys fighting over the salad leaf.

Another funny thing – Sangwon mentions "There's a saying, 'Don't scold dogs while they eat'". This is a Korean proverb "밥 먹을 때는 개도 안 때린다" ("You don't hit even a dog when it eats") which means that, no matter how annoying you find someone, no matter how angry you are, you can't scold this person while they are eating. Eating is a very important cultural thing in Asia, of course, so do not have arguments at the dinner :D But it's funny how Sangwon uses old proverbs to be mischievous and steal Myungha's love without consequences xD I adore him

I swear, this gotta be my last post about all the details in Love for Love's Sake. There is one more scene with the mirror and a caption, and I'm very curious if it means something because it was seen twice, during system breaking down scene as well, but it's either in Chinese or Japanese and I can't read it.

Anyway! Hope you enjoyed your everyday magazine, I love reading all your tags and thoughts and comments, and if you want to read all my previous translations and pointed out cultural details in Love for Love's Sake, go read this tag!=)

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [46]

chapter forty-six, act six: be my mistake

masterlist

December 25th 2017

It takes Tommie forty minutes to stop staring at the front door as if he’s going to walk right back through. When she finally does leave the hallway her gaze settles onto the wrapped gift still untouched. 

She’s sitting criss crossed under her green Christmas tree with Button on one side and Allen the other.

The wrapping paper has little dinosaurs wearing cowboy hats, which upon further inspection she realises have been drawn on by hand. She tears it open, then folds it neatly and places it to her side. Her eyes tear up, her thumb traces the leather. 

It’s her book. 

Her lyric book she thought lost forever sits right there in her hands with a blue post it note on top.

‘ Don’t worry, I didn’t punch him, Ross did (again).’

She giggles to herself as she takes the post it note and slots it inside to a page in the middle of the book, the one with the first ever draft of her poem ‘show me yours’.

Beneath the old brown leather book is a very similar one. The exact same book instead this one is a dark green colour.

She flicks open the first page and finds a note has been drawn on the inside cover.

‘The day that I met you I started dreaming. Now I write them down if I remember in the morning

-Yours, Matty’

A few pages have been written on, he writes on one side of a double page then leaves the other blank so she can fill in her own thoughts or change what he has written.

They’re songs. Songs he had written in rehab. About her. For her. She’s not sure yet.

Her eyes scan the pages as she flicks through them all, taking note of the titles scribbled in red ink.

Inside your mind Love it if we made it Be my mistake Sincerity is scary If it’s not with you Mine In love Sometimes About you Playing on my mind

She reads them all. Over and over and over. She only adds to one of the songs he’s written. 

She finds inspiration, she writes. She writes a lot, poetry which turn into songs and songs which become poetry. She finds herself finishing songs from her old book that she’d begun writing years ago. Love songs she’d tried to write about Caleb seem to fall together with a new inspiration in mind.

Matty.

Even in the breakup songs she finds ways to reference him in some way.

She can’t help it. There’s a piece of Matty in everything she does. Not just in her writing, she finds herself gravitating towards clothes of hers that he’d once touched. Like her old The Stone Roses shirt he wore once, or the flannel shirt he’d always ‘borrow’ when he came into her room. She buys his favourite brand of tea bags and stocks the fridge with his favourite pop. She listens to his favourite artist and hums a few tones lower to match his usual pitch. She reads books he had recommended and watches True Romance over and over because she can still picture his happy grin as he mimed the words along to the cinema scene. She finds herself stroking the freckle on her collarbone he once kissed. Touching the part of her hairline he would rest his lips against when he held her close. She finds herself thinking of him. Consumed by him. It’s Matty. It’s always been Matty.

She doesn’t stop writing. The words seem to flow out of her unlike anything she’s ever experienced before. Her hand cramps and even then she continues on with ink stained finger tips delicately turning white pages.

She shifts the book from her knee to the coffee table and as she does something falls out from the back of it. Shuffling awkwardly across the floor and raising the heads of the two dogs who watch her, she reaches for the small photograph.

A smile stretches her lips. It’s of the band a few weeks after she first met them. She was young at the time, thirteen maybe if she remembers correctly. Matty is standing directly behind her with his hand on her shoulder and his chin on her head. She’s smiling so big. She misses it. She misses the band. She misses her boys. She misses her Matty.

July 30th 2007

“You’ll be fine.’

Her cousin's words do little to help sooth her nerves as she clutches his hand. “They’re my best mates,” He continues on as he holds the door open for her, “They’ll love you as much as I do.”

“I’m not sure, Ads.”

“It’ll be fine.”

He promises as he opens the door. Three sets of eyes are on her when she enters and she pauses at the doorway.

It’s the tallest one with a buzzcut that comes to her first with a smile. “Caroline?”

“Tommie.” She says quickly.

“I’m Ross.” He tells her, then with a hand on her back he guides her further into the room to sit on the small two seater they have. 

Before he can settle beside her the space is taken by the long haired guy, he throws an arm over her shoulder and places the other in front of her for her to shake. “I’m Matty. Hann tells us you can play guitar, wanna be in the band?”

Ross shakes his head and pushes Matty away from her by his forehead, “She’s like ten leave her alone.”

“I’m not… ten.” She says quietly. 

Matty shrugs, ignoring her quiet comment, “Well, let her decide, Ross.” He turns back to her then, brown eyes looking right through her, “Would you?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“Leave her alone.”

The third guy who she hasn’t learnt the name of yet drags him to stand and pushes him away, Ross takes Matty’s spot while the guy in the beanie offers a shy smile. “I’m George.”

She nods back to him and lets her eyes go back to Matty who’s rocking back and forth on his feet, “I’ve always said having a girl in the band will do us better.”

“Better how?”

He sighs dramatically and Adam shoots a sharp look to George, “Really? You want him to give his whole speech again?”

George shrugs innocently as Matty clears his throat, “First of all, a girl can hit different notes than me, having one to harmonise-”

“Matty.” Ross interrupts, “The girl’s just got here. Let’s leave her alone, eh?”

He rolls his eyes then turns them back to Tommie, “Favourite song?”

She looks back to Adam, already hating her cousin for forcing her to meet his friends, “I don’t know, um.” She looks around at the walls of the little pool house they’re hidden away in. There’s posters and instruments all lying around, the floor is covered in wires and through a barely covered glass window she can see the pool. “I like that one of the new Arctic Monkey album.”

“Which one?”

“Brianstorm.”

He nods in thought, “Alright. Sit back, relax and enjoy, Thomas. We’re gonna blow you away.”

He ushers the guys up and Ross leans towards her, “This is him trying to convince you. Don’t give in, he’s pushy but he’ll give up eventually.”

Looking back, Tommie’s glad he didn’t give up.

She clutches the photo to her chest and leans back against her settee with a sob of solitude. 

With tears in her eyes she crawls across the floor to her sofa and grips her phone. With shaky hands she lifts it to her ear as the phone starts ringing. 

“Hello?”

“Can you come over? Please. I just-” She niffles and rubs the back of her wrist against her nose, “I really need you right now.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora, @procrastinatinglikeapro, @beatr2x, @byyourside28, @plantinghobbies, @sinarainbows

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[pancakes4two]

Pls do more Alycia ig blurb im so obsessed with it 😭😭😭🙏

I’M BAAAAAAACK!

MASTERLIST | SEND ME A REQUEST

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Liked by harrystyles, gemmachan and 1,783,164 others

yourinstagram My favorite thing about Venice is that it feels like Venice

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gemmachan she’s a jokester

harryfan1 THE CAPTION PLEASE

harrystan Y/N gagged harry a little with this caption like why even lie

ynfan1 i know it took everything out of her not to bust out laughing when harry said that during the interview

jefezoff My favorite thing about a Y/N Instagram post is that it feels like a Y/N Instagram post

harrystyles Can’t trust anyone these days…

yourinstagram

Liked by harrystyles, yourbff and 3,421,727

yourinstagram Venice, Venice, Venice…

Where do I even begin? This has been the most magical 24 hours of my life. To have your film be showed at Venice is a dream come true. To have your film be celebrated at Venice in the presence of all your greatest loves, both old and new, is a fantasy come to life. I have been wishing for this moment for as long as I can remember. Thank you for lending us your ears and your eyes. Thank you for graciously welcoming Alice & Jack into your hearts.

I love you all to infinity.

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ynfan1 IM SO PROUD OF U BABY

ynfan2 DONT THINK I’LL EVER STOP CRYING

ynstan THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE THE BEGINNING KNOW HOW SPECIAL THIS IS FOR HER

harryflorals Congratulations on a successful premiere!

yourbff couldn’t be prouder to call you my best friend.

harrystyles Happy Venice, darling.

harryfan1 OK NOW IM ACTUALLY SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY

harryflorals

99,282 views

harryflorals “I mean, it’s pretty unbelievable, isn’t it? I feel so lucky to have been able to share this experience with Y/N, and I think it’s a real testament to how incredible of an actress she is. I can’t say for a moment that I was ever surprised when we got contacted by Venice to show our film after the premiere. I mean, you all saw the film! Her performance was so powerful and moving, and I’m so grateful I got to be her Jack.”

HARRY SPEAKING ABOUT ATTENDING VENICE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND Y/N IN A PROMO REEL FOR DWD!!

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harryismybf He is so fond of her like please can I just die

harryfan Guys pack it up he’s fr in love…

harrystan1 couple of the year💔

harrystyles

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harrystyles I dig your cinema.

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harrygirl HELP THE CINEMA LYRICS

harryfan2 HE FINALLY STOPPED BEING A NARCISSIST AND POSTED HIS GIRL

harryfan1 NOT HIM CONFIRMING CINEMA IS ABOUT HER LIKE WE ALREADY KNEW IT WAS OBVIOUS BUT STILL

anthonypham H in his photographer era

yourinstagram I just think you’re cool 🤷🏼‍♀️

[thetorturedlovergirl]

Today my classes got canceled bc public transport isn’t working (buses, subways, trains, etc) as drivers are on strike so I finally had the time to watch The Chuch On Ruby Road !!

Here are some of my opinions:

Ncuti Gatwa as The Doctor? AMAZING. MARVELOUS. OUTSTANDING.

I know we get to see him in The Giggle, but that's just a fraction of what we get to see in this episode. I love his energy, his voice, and how nice and approachable he seems as The Doctor. You can see that he loves his job and that he loves being The Doctor, and that he will crush this job.

ALSO ALL OF HIS CLOTHES !! HE COULD USE A TRASH BAG AND STILL MAKE IT LOOK CLASSY AND STYLISH I SWEAR. I WANT TO SEE ALL OF THE OUTFITS HE WILL WEAR IN THIS SEASON.

AND MILLIE GIBSON? LOVE HER. LOOOOVE HER. Her accent is magnificent, her personality, her EVERYTHING. I know I’ll love Ruby Sunday very much (I already do, I can’t hate companions).

HER OUTFITS ARE ALSO GORGEOUS !! I know they’ll be fighting for their lives with cunty outfits this new season and I’m all here for it.

It’s funny how she just roll with everything like she wasnt that shocked as I’d have expected. It was like “oh this alien who had a hot wet summer with Harry Houdini is helping me save the foster baby that just came to my home from this coincidence-eating goblings? yeah ok valid.”

I’m so excited to know her origins. I don’t know if I really care who her biological mother is, BECAUSE CARLA IS HER MOTHER AND SHES WONDERFUL. But I want to know what RTD has in mind for her and where she comes from. I have my theories but they’re like… trashy and stupid so I want to know what the real deal will be.

The thing I love most about RTD episodes are how he shows that companions still have families outside of their TARDIS life. Like with some other companions I felt like it was like, three episodes where their family appeared and then they were just gone forever.

Rose and Jackie, Martha and Francine, Donna and Sylvia. I loved these interactions and how much it affected the companions and the whole plot. So Carla being present in Ruby’s life and the series is something important for me and I’m really looking forward to see how her interactions will affect.

Now, to the goblings…

Look, the whole gobling situation was really bizarre and funny. It made me really uncomfortable when the camera zoomed to their faces and I couldn’t stop thinking “why are they doing that? It looks like when my friends took really bad zoomed pictures”. It didn’t happened like, one time, IT WAS EVERY TIME. Also, when they jumped and danced was really funny and so strange they looked like Mii characters.

WHEN JANICE GLOBING STARTED SINGING!! THAT IS CINEMA!!. Her saying the many ways they could eat Lulubelle (I agree with the doctor, that is a great name), I was shocked, I couldn’t stop laughing and how silly the whole scene was.

Idk why people hate The Doctor and Ruby’s song. I heard many people criticizing the lyrics but the song was actually good. It was improvised by The Doctor and Ruby so it couldn’t be majestic (not like the gobling song lol), but they did great with what they had. I would have made a mess and just start singing something cringy just to annoy them, so Ruby really killed it with those lyrics. And the vocals? GOD THE VOCALS. I LOVE HOW MILLIE AND NCUTI SING!! IM REALLY EXCITED FOR THAT BEATLES EPISODE NOW (I was before watching TCORR bc im a huge Beatles fan but now that I heard them sing? ohh I can’t wait).

The resolution was meh but I was more interested in the characters so I didn’t rally cared tbh I wasn’t expecting it to be something astounding.

Overall, I loved the episode as as a whole (4/5) and I think is a good first episode for Ncuti and Millie.

WELL NOW WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW !! NEW EPISODES AAAA

[tutuandscoot]

SD: Dream a Little Dream of Me ~ 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

For the sake of this not becoming a university length dissertation, in analysing this program I am going to focus on discussing the textbook example of musicality they display in this performance. (Though there is so much to love about it from costumes to skating technique, but the musicality is 1000 chefs kisses 🤌).

This is going to be a bit tricky to break down in gif form, so please if you feel it necessary jump back and forth between watching the video and this analysis.. I’ll do my best to bring it to life through text!

Before that I really do have to comment on their performance quality and showmanship, and it’s not like this performance is an outlier as a supreme example over their other performances, but it is just such an easy to understand example of what being a truly gifted performer is. In more lyrical/contemporary programs, it’s more subjective and can be said to be too over or under done, this program however.. it’s like they’ve been pulled straight out of a mid century movie. It’s hard for me to say what is their best dance style because they really do excel at them all, but this really is just.. as close to perfect as you can get. Its fits them so well. They have the EXACT amount of expression needed to carry the story, the tone, the movement, interaction with each other, and are able to make it visible for the judges, audience close up, watching on TV, and way in the back row of the arena. This is what we call in the theatre/dance world ‘projection’- that encompasses how long you have to hold an expression for, what angle your head needs to be at, how much to squint your eyes, how much you interact together/to each other as opposed to the audience. Their field of performance is unique bc they have essentially 5 sides they are performing to - 4 sides of an arena and the cameras. Most dancers/ stage actors have just the front. There is never a moment or angle from which VM aren’t being watched.

I can’t even begin to explain how rare a quality and ability to perform like them is, let alone find the one other person in the world as equally charismatic as you and have that performance relationship work- perfect compatibility. Tessa is a freaking superstar. She’s so absurdly beautiful, she has the most gorgeous sparkling eyes and infectious smile. Her face just reads soooo well from an audience POV. It sounds harsh to say but some people just do not have the face for this- and it’s not about being attractive or beautiful- it’s just the ability to read expression. Having features in proportion to all the expressions you need to portray. Same with Scott. It really can not be said enough what a once in a lifetime gift he is to the world of dance/theatre/ performance, LET ALONE skating. I am not exaggerating: he (within their field) is akin to Fred Astaire. Not to get stereotypical, but it is just rarer to find a male performer with that kind of natural charisma, either there are more who have it and are bullied out of it bc dancing/performing is considered “girly” or they don’t have the mentors around them to see that untapped talent/potential for it to be come what it can be. And even THEN it is so incredibly rare to find. There are phenomenal male actors and dancers, but I can’t think of any- out of literal movie actors, that invoke leading man, all-round talent… just that kind of performer you don’t see anymore. Scott optimises vintage style not vintage values on the ice and in their partnership. Scott would not be out of place in the mid 1900’s classic cinema is what I’m trying to say-that kind of performer doesn’t exist anymore and there is something nice about watching watching VM, even with IDing moving in the direction it’s going now, to look back not even 10 years ago and watch this team so brilliantly skate a more traditional style of performance, and also be able to perform modern/current themes and music. VM HAVE NOT had a perfect or easy journey by any means, but by their own retelling they were incredibly fortunate to have families, coaches, mentors who nurtured them exactly how they need to be to fulfil their incomprehensible amount of talent. (Back to S) I am just so moved by him everytime I manage to draw my eyes away from T to just watch him- and the reason why I struggle to stop watching T: bc HE IS MAKING ME WATCH T.. seriously. Challenge yourself to just watch him, and see everything he does himself to shine and also make her shine.. I just can’t comprehend it. He is just so incredibly rare and a freaking gift of a performer.

To bring it back to this exact program and performance now.. I think it is one of the better examples where both of them are equally as stunning, charismatic, equally shine. S was born to be this kind of dancer.. I think is what I’m saying. It just looks so easy for him, it’s not a deep, complicated character like don jose or Christian, but it is a character none the less and is one that he just fits so perfectly. Thinking about how perfectly he expressed Farrucas which was fiery and had this internal rage that manifested as passion and love- he even more perfectly expresses this charming, handsome, leading man with stunning posture and exquisite lines. Everything he does looks easy. I love that BESP commentary where they say “he NEVER looks as though he’s got a problem” he’s doing the most complicated skating in the world to the highest quality, while partnering T seamlessly and with a smile on his face. He just gets that a huge part of his job is to make her look good. It’s not about him- it’s about her. Sorry but it is, and he FREAKING GETS THAT and has not one microfibre of resentment over that, you never see him cringe or wince or get mad at her for messing him up. This goes back to their inspiring work ethic and empathy towards each other and being the best team possible, but to be such a selfless male partner- and be that selfless when he is as good as he is… to have no resentment over that and never wish he’d been a singles skater to have the spotlight for once- nope-he doesn’t want that. Ughhh..

I know that seemed to get off track but it really does go into it- that lack of ego, when you can just be so free to perform bc you love it and you get to do it with the person you love more than anything- all that shows when they dance.

OKAY…

Back on track now.

I’m going to try to hit the big/most inspiring musical moments. (Obviously I’m not gonna hit all of them) (Apologies in advance for my attempt to text-verbalise musical accents).

On this little trumpet (I think it is excuse me if I mix up instruments), you can hardly see it, but S throws T’s arm up and its not her arm that’s expressing that full trumpet trill, but his left arm as he drops it down after throwing hers up. He also give a bit of that smirky face as he does so. Starting with this musical moment bc its so perfect but you barely see it- it’s that kind of attention to detail that is so under appreciated in this program.

Included in this one gif so I don’t waste any: the helicopter spin. This is so subtly iconic and I know I’ve read someone else point out the brilliance of this moment musically, but just let me throw in my own thoughts.

So on the lyrics “Sycamore trees”, that’s over two counts of music. T has her leg extended for one count, and S has his extended for two counts. The second count, with the sound of the music the key drops on “more”, so he continues that spin but goes to a bent supporting leg for the completion of the turn . Together they do the first part of the turn with their legs in second then S finishes it by ronding it derriere. It’s also the dynamics with the way he rounds his leg to the back… he ‘milks’ it to the end of the count.

They use A L L their music. Every single part of it. The counts, the notes, the accents, the syncopation, the breathes in the voices, the character of the voices. This is the brilliance of the choreography but a huge part of it is on VM to express the music like this- this kind of supreme musical expression is unique to VM- they hear music differently to most human beings-let alone figure skaters.

All these little indulgent body movements on the kind of ‘scats’ in the singing. They start off with accenting in the upper body, then as they need to get around the corner to be ready for the step sequence, they continue that same rhythm with their feet- they aren’t just doing the steps necessary to get them in the right spot, its like they’ve got that groove of the dance in their bodies and continue it from their upper bodies to their feet.

Its also how much they emphasise these accents. There’s one movement S does with his head, now he could’ve really thrown his head back, but instead he does a much smaller head movement that is just so perfect for the style of dance they are doing- its the restraint they show as much as it is the complete commitment and abandon to the moment.

The exact same thing a little later halfway through the non-touch step sequence (so I won’t gif it but you can go watch it). I know this got pointed out- I’m pretty sure by Kurt- about how S watches and reacts to T- its him watching her that informs how he does his steps-his steps are his reply to her- as if they were having a conversation - this is one of the biggest examples of Scott being a perfect partner. That they are doing the same choreographed steps but its performed like a conversation-letting her movement inform how he performs his.

The second half of the step sequence is just ….. i really can’t keep using the word perfect (insert the arthur fist clench meme that they were SCREWED on this score). All on one foot. The first few steps are again as if having a conversation he is responding to her saying “a huh, a huh, ok watch this” and they do that last twizzles, then…. PERFECTLY skid out along with Louie stretching out that “oohhhh” lyric, and S’s little shoulder shrug like “damn, you’re good”. (Also mirrors the skid in the finnstep that comes later). I’m not really the biggest fan of when figure skaters.. kinda acknowledge their surroundings mid program.. ie interacting with judges directly, using the boards.. but surprise surprise I love how vm do this here- they kinda go ‘oh shit, gonna run out of room’. I think again bc its so musical and is in the character of the dance it works.

This is a little off topic, but I, with all the in-depth blogging I’ve done on them, really haven’t appreciated: HOW FREAKING GOOD OF A SKATER IS TESSA!!!! Like.. of course, she’s the best ice dancer if all time, a 3x time oly champ, 5 olys medals, 3 world champs, some of the best skating skills ever, (I wrote this before their CSHOF speech) but I don’t even think of her as a skater, and yet Scott I do. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and even though I watch her skate on a daily basis, I don’t think of her as being part of the sport of skating.. like I can’t imagine hearing skating terminology come out of her mouth; worlds like ‘rocker’ ‘counter’ ‘spiral’ types of jumps.. I have heard her say ‘twizzles’ and ‘axel’ but it’s just this really weird thing that I don’t associate her with the sport. I probably do Scott bc he coaches, but VM together even I don’t see them as being part of that figure skating infrastructure.. its weird, maybe it’s a generational thing- like I don’t associate them with other famous skaters from before their time (that’s normal I think) but even other skaters in other disciplines from their time- Yuna, Mao, etc.. maybe bc I’ve studied them so long and feel close to them on a personal level, other skaters are more foreign to me but VM are just people. Its weird.

So when I really focus on T doing steps like this, its like ‘how does she do that’. Maybe its bc (and sorry I don’t mean this to sound pretentious) but I really relate to her and see a lot of myself in her, so if I imagine myself skating I wouldn’t have a clue what I was doing, so I think ‘but how can she do it?’

Ok, enough of that, that’s for me to work out in therapy (hahahahahhah 😅)

*MOMENT TO SAY HOW PERFECT THESE TWIZZLES WERE PLEASE GO WATCH THEM ON REPEAT*

The ending of the twizzles- that little clap scott added, as he watches her. (I really don’t like clapping in FS. Except VM- I’m bias you know that) They talked a little in the stupid show about the story of this program- though I feel that’s kinda just to set the scene of it- once that’s done they (maybe) and the audience can kinda let go of that very literal telling of them being on this date and he showed up late and he’s gotta try and charm her.. once that’s established they are really just performing- and I appreciate that bc a) it’s a sport and they have to get the required elements done, but also its not this cheesy, pantomime kinda thing- they perform as though they know the audience is smart enough to understand that without it being spoon fed the story, then they can just wow us all with their dancing. You could just so easily imagine them on stage doing this dance (a version of this dance) they could be on a broadway stage in tap shoes and these exact costumes performing this duet and they would not look out of place-they have such wonderful showmanship they almost look out of place in a sport arena- that’s how good they are! But as I’ve mentioned before, the way they approach their programs, from costumes to structure, seamlessly bridges this divide between the stage and arena-their costumes are athletic and do not impede their skating and also don’t look like idiots dressed in outrageous over the top costumes in a sports arena.

I can’t gif the whole finnstep pattern but god I’d love to!

Firstly a more general comment: and I’ve probably said this before, but something I really love about VM’s skating and all their programs (marina programs and Montreal programs) is the where they put and how they perform the set pattern within their short dances. Some teams I feel hide their patterns in the program by not using highlights in the music, not starting it at the start of a phrase of music, putting it in a weird/unnatural place within the program. I love how VM usually have a different track, and if not, brilliantly edited musical transitions into and out of their patterns. Here in DALD there is a fantastic, fanfare-like musical transition into the instrumental music for the Finnstep, there’s this ramp up to it.. and it’s like this incredibly satisfying beat drop moment as they start the first step in the pattern.

That sharpness of their heads on these first steps. The look to each other then the syncopated ‘down up’ I have watched this whole event but I can’t remember what every single team did, but I remember there were a few attempts to add heads and arm variants in here, but the majority were slower- not really with the music. VM’s is just right on with the style and musical accents. The coordination to do those heads while doing those steps is so hard, it’s so fast and there is so much to concentrate on.

Lastly on this gif is T’s twizzle. NO OTHER GIRL turned this fast. It is such a fast movement anyway, and so many fall behind on that musically. I don’t even know how T does it that fast- how her blades doesn’t stuck is beyond me (an example of why Scott said she is the greatest skater he has ever seen ✅). You can see S is giving her everything he can give her to do that turn super fast- strong hand/finger hold above her head, keeping a secure hold around her torso to keep her on centre, and he stays looking at her the whole time-there’s never a moment they aren’t communicating. The way they bring out the joy and lightness in this instrumental music with their skips and high jetes. THEY ARE ON ICE.. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???

Sorry to get off topic again, but this is an example of how they work with their limited height difference: In this dance, they seem to have much more height differential. You can especially see that in her twizzle. I can’t comment on exactly how it works between them (and it’s all they’ve ever known) but I like to think S does an enormous amount of work in these pattern dances to make himself taller- he does this but ‘growing’ taller-not literally but in terms of elongating through his spine as much as possible without straining his neck and shoulders. He has superior posture (B A L L E T). His form in holding tessa is impeccable. He is supporting her and is so strong that he not being dragged down in supporting her, she in turn is so strong she could basically do all these steps un-partnered- she is not grasping onto him in the slightest. He is also just so light through his steps, he does not appear heavy. I’m sure off ice he has phenomenal balloné (bouancy in his jumps) so these steps can appear so easy and eleveated while completing every edge and turn to perfection (did you read that right judges!?!?!?)

Moving on..

The sharpness of their feet- T’s turns on the ‘5,6,7, and 8’ counts. (Im sorry I don’t know what the turns are called) but she goes ‘back, forward, back, pick’ its just soooo musical. Both their picks to cou de pied are exactly the same- same shape, same timing. Exquisite

The beautiful lean on those two crossovers as she passes under his arm, then the skid stop is so.. extreme, yet calculated. They are sooo good they can do the craziest shit on ice-not just do the required steps but push the boundaries of whats possible technically- something no other team since them has done. On these quick step flicks they just look stunning, the hold he has on her to make her appear so high and sparkling- not pushing her down.

Im obsessed with the slow, drawn out choctaws, then quick snappy twizzles.

These last steps on the diagonal (not part of the Finnstep pattern) where they hop on one leg and face each other is my favourite part of the program. Omg how precious. This is an incredibly mature program (as are all their competitive programs) but this moment here has such an essence of child-like joy and humour. It goes quick so you cant see their faces but I sense their smiles at each other here was a micro moment for them to look at each other out of character- one of those checking in moments. I don’t know, I just love it, its so pure.. also the addition of another quick step jeté- I think this might be there one there’s a picture of them mid air from Scott’s side so you can barely see T bc they are so in sync.

The button ending with that drop back. Right on the music. Just perfect. Then that little look he gives her like ‘damn straight kiddo’ 😏

It’s not just the dancing and the steps, but also musicality in terms of energy. They’ve just finished the finnstep which is probably the fastest of all the CD’s, then through their energy they tone it down to give layers to the program- this I think helps in making the SD feel like a free dance- that it is not just all one level for 2:50 minutes. I feel so many other teams and their their choreographers/coaches miss that in creating programs by not highlighting moments properly- there is no artistic transition out of the compulsory portion so it all blends into one. VM’s programs highlight all their elements without feeling like useless connecting steps between elements. So I love after the dip back, they have their kiss moment and the next little bit through Cheek to Cheek up till the lift is relatively more chill and indulgent- while not letting up/ having a break. Its like he’s won her over, he’s been so charming and can dance and treats her beautifully, now its just like, ‘ahh, how lovely’ now its about ‘dancing cheek to cheek’.

Their lifts are god tier. They are the best ice dance lifters to ever exist (along with best ice dancers everything else). I won’t go on about the technical aspect of it rn.

Everything that goes on before T gets into her scorpion (thats the position she’s in when he spins) is crazy, then once he starts rotating- the way his speed kinda revs up with the music. Its hard to here but there’s kinda this background ‘da da da da da’ that speeds up and they match it perfectly. Its incredible.

And lastly. I don’t think they had hit that ending right on the music all season, and here: they did perfectly! I think that was part of his ‘yes’ in the ending pose.

[spiderking-of-queens]

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Heartbreaker

Summary: Robin devises a scheme to get you and Steve to work things out. (Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, 9k words)

Warnings: Mentions of sex, language, shameless TS Midnights lyrical references (Robin is absolutely a Mastermind lol)

Tags: @princesseddie @dessxoxsworld @blackbirddaredevil23

Series Masterlist

September 21st, 1985

The day after your second failed outing with Eddie, Robin called you up to ask you to hang out. She could immediately tell by the tone of your voice that something was wrong. You refused to give her details due to your lingering embarrassment, so she insisted on you letting her take you out to cheer you up. You had planned to see Teen Wolf with her and Steve when it came out at the end of August, but thanks to your falling out with him, you never got around to it. So when Robin suggested finally going to see it, you happily accepted. 

You walked to the cinema, expecting her to meet you there on foot as well, but after waiting for her for several minutes, you watched as a familiar burgundy BMW pulled up to the curb. Your heart dropped. It was Steve’s car. 

You sat on the bench in front of the cinema, frozen, as you watched Robin and Steve bickering in the car. Then eventually, Robin got out and slammed the door behind her, infuriating Steve even more. She rolled her eyes at him and walked over to you, her hands jammed into her jacket pockets.

“Hi,” She said with an innocent smile. You glared up at her from the bench.

“Why didn’t you tell me Steve was coming?” You asked, eliciting another eye roll from her.

“Do you honestly think that I would have voluntarily suggested going to see Teen Wolf? You and Steve were the only ones who wanted to see it. I thought you knew me better than that, Y/N.”

“I assumed you were just trying to be nice because you knew I was sad,” You protested, narrowing your eyes at her.

“Well I wasn’t! I was being devious.”

“What?” You demanded, standing up in front of her. “What does that mean?”

“Did you really think I didn’t notice that there was something weird going on between you and Steve?”

You glanced over her shoulder to get a good look at him still sitting in his car behind her. He was staring at the two of you, and immediately turned his head when he caught you to act like he hadn’t been. 

“Honestly… no I didn’t,” You grumbled.

“Well, I did! And it’s been seriously stressing me out, and I cannot handle more stress in my life right now. I already have to worry about graduating, college, a Lovecraftian dimension, and my love life - in no particular order - so I really don’t need whatever petty bullshit you two are fighting about on my plate, too!”

“Oh my god,” You scoffed, crossing your arms. “I’m so sorry that me and Steve not hanging out is so detrimental to your mental well-being, I had no idea that we were making your life so difficult. Thanks for sharing that.”

“Hey! If I have to listen to you whining about Eddie, and Steve whining about you and not going to college, then I think you can stand to listen to me whine for, like, one minute…”

“Whoa, wait!” You interrupted her, putting a hand up. “He’s been whining about me? What has he been saying to you?”

She swallowed nervously and lowered her eyes, then bit her lip.

“… I’ve said too much,” She whispered, and turned around to go back to the car. 

“Robin!”

“Just get in the car!” She commanded, her hand on the door handle of the backseat. “I’m officially calling The Lonely Hearts Club to order. We will work this out together, or not at all.”

“Okay, I choose not at all, then,” You snorted.

“I lied! That’s not an option. Now get in the goddamn car!” She yelled loudly, pointing a finger at the passenger-side door like she was a disgruntled mother trying to corral her children. Your eyes widened with shock at her outburst.

“Please,” She added, much softer after gauging your expression. “Do you wanna see this stupid movie or not?”

You rolled your eyes and stomped over towards the car indignantly.

“Fine,” You whined as you pulled on the door handle, then plopped down into the passenger seat roughly before closing the door behind you. Steve looked between you and Robin with wide eyes. 

“Am I supposed to just pretend I didn’t notice any of that?” He asked.

“Yes,” You both answered at the same time. 

“Okay, then…”

“Alright,” Robin said, leaning forward between the two of you and resting her elbows on each of your seats. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, and I really don’t care. But you are going to figure this out right here and now because I swear to god if I have to be caught in the middle of whatever bullshit this is for one more second…”

“Alright, alright. Easy, Robin. Y/N, I’m sorry,” Steve said with an exasperated shrug, barely bothering to turn and look you in the eye before addressing Robin again. “Are you happy now?”

Robin squinted at him with disdain. 

“No! What the hell was that? What is wrong with you two?! Don’t you guys remember how much we’ve been through together this summer? How we literally slayed a giant spider monster? What could be so much bigger than that that you can’t even stand to look at each other anymore?” 

Steve eyed you, his eyebrows wrinkled together ever so slightly in a way that made him look completely pathetic, and you turned your face to the window so you wouldn’t have to see it anymore. Robin just kept looking between the two of you as she tried her hardest to read between the lines. 

He opened his mouth to say something, and in a moment of panic that he was about to reveal the truth to her, you sat up straight and interrupted him. 

“I’m sorry, too. Okay? We’re both sorry, Robin. Can we drop this now?”

She raised an eyebrow at you, then looked back at Steve who was running a hand through his hair frustratedly. 

“Why are you both being so goddamn cryptic?!” She groaned, pulling down her eyelids in aggravation. “This is stupid. If you don’t wanna talk about it with me here, then I will wait outside the car. But if I deem that your apologies are disingenuous in any way, shape or form, no Michael J. Fox for either of you! Are we understood?”

“Robin, how exactly do you plan on enforcing this punishment?” Steve complained. She cocked her head at him angrily. 

“You really need to start giving me some more credit, Steve. Remind me, who was the one that masterminded this entire Machiavellian scheme to get you two to speak again?”

“…What?” He asked, scrunching his face up in confusion. 

“Never mind! Just… talk! Apologize. For real this time! I’ll be outside.”

She got out and slammed the door behind her once again, leaning against the car with her arms crossed as if she was guarding it. Steve looked like he was about to yell at her for it again, but then bit it back and rested his forehead against his steering wheel to calm himself down instead.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment before you sighed loudly and spoke up. 

“Thanks for not telling Robin about what happened. I’d appreciate it if we continued to keep it that way… if that’s okay with you. I just don’t want her to make it more awkward than it already is.”

“Sure. Whatever you wanna do,” He shrugged as he leaned back in his seat, staring straight ahead. 

You fell silent again, and then heard Robin clear her throat from outside. 

“I don’t hear any talking in there!” She yelled, her back still to the both of you. You rolled your eyes, and Steve let out a loud groan. 

“Look…” He finally said. “I am sorry. I’m sorry for bringing you to the quarry, I’m sorry for confusing you, I’m sorry for taking your first kiss away from you, and I’m sorry that we got caught. I really am.”

You finally made eye contact with him, and unraveled your arms with another loud sigh. 

“No, I’m sorry. I kissed you first and then made a bigger deal about it than I should’ve. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you, and I’m sorry for being so cold and distant. I just… I’m having a hard time comprehending everything. It’s… weird for me.”

“It’s weird for me, too,” He shrugged. “But it happened.”

“Yeah. Believe me, I know…”

You pushed your hair behind your ear and turned away from him again. You could feel him looking at you still.

“Do you think you’ll ever be able to move on from it? Or are things always going to be like this between us?” He asked solemnly. 

“I don’t know,” You admitted to the floor quietly after pondering this for a moment. “I’m really sorry. I’m… trying.”

He sighed and rubbed a finger against the steering wheel absentmindedly. 

“Okay, well… can we just pretend for tonight that we’re okay? Just to get Robin off of our backs? I actually do want to see this stupid movie.”

You couldn’t resist smiling a little bit at his admission, and looked over at him with a shrug.

“Me too… Okay. I think I can do that.”

“Okay. Great,” He grumbled, throwing up his hands in a halfhearted celebration. “Let’s go then.”

The two of you got out of the car and stood in front of Robin, side by side. She glanced between both of you a couple of times with her arms crossed, trying to feel out whether or not you had actually settled your disagreement. 

“So?” She asked eventually, her chin jutting out impatiently. “Are you guys done fighting or what?”

“For the record, I wouldn’t say we were ever really fighting,” You protested, then turned to Steve and asked, “Right?” quietly when you realized that might not have actually been the case. 

“Right,” He confirmed with a nod and an unenthusiastic smile. “But we’re good now, Robin. We promise.”

You nodded back at him, then the two of you stood and waited for Robin’s judgement, staring her down as she glared back at the two of you. She seemed skeptical, but rolled her eyes and grabbed you both by the sleeves of your jackets anyways.

“Fine. Come on,” She mumbled, dragging you both into the cinema. You and Steve couldn’t help smirking at each other behind her back over your shared deception. It was what she deserved for trying to pull one over on the two of you. 

Just to ensure that you and Steve were both actually on friendly terms again, Robin made sure that you sat in-between them in the theater. It felt a little awkward at first, especially considering that part of the plot was based around Michael J. Fox’s character trying to decide if he wanted to be with his childhood best friend or not. They even wound up in a closet together as part of a party game. You wondered if Steve noticed the similarities to your real life situation, too. It was making you anxious. But halfway through the movie, when he absentmindedly stuck out his popcorn bucket to you as his eyes stayed glued to the screen, it filled you with a sense of relief.

You missed watching movies with Steve. He always laughed loudly when no one else did and annoyed Robin with his questions about movie plots, and he always made sure to share his popcorn and candy with both of you. The gesture had always meant a lot to you. 

You took a couple of pieces and thanked him and he nodded in response. Then he leaned over and whispered, “Is it just me, or is there absolutely no way this girl would be that into him just because he’s a werewolf?”

“That’s your biggest issue with this movie?” You snorted. 

He chuckled and shrugged, then went back to shoveling popcorn into his mouth as he happily continued watching the film. 

The second the movie was over, Robin sprung out of her seat and began to walk down the stairs. You and Steve gave each other a knowing look. You were about to get an entire lecture on every single thing that was wrong with the movie. 

“Uh oh,” He muttered.

“Here we go,” You agreed with a sigh. “Let’s get this over with.”

The two of you found her pouting in the lobby, her arms crossed as she stood and waited. Steve tossed his popcorn bucket in the trash can as if he was shooting a basketball and then cocked his head at her.

“Alright. Out with it Buckley.”

“I cannot believe that you two actually wanted to see that movie!” She blurted before he even fully finished his sentence. “I will never, ever get that hour and a half of my life back again. I am in mourning.”

“Jesus Christ, come on. It was entertaining at least, wasn’t it?” Steve chuckled.

“No! It was horrible.”

“Hey, you were the one that plotted this scheme, remember?” You added. “You’re the reason why we came here to watch it in the first place.”

“Yeah, so…” She mumbled shyly. “And the plan worked. So, I’d do it again. Any day.”

You and Steve smiled at her, then glanced at each other shyly. Robin rolled her eyes at your shared awkwardness and backed away towards the entrance of the cinema.

“Okay. I’m starving. Let’s get pizza,” She announced, then walked out the door without waiting for either of you to agree with her. 

“Alright, then…” Steve snorted. “Guess we’re getting pizza. You coming, Y/N?”

You nodded at him with a small smile, then let him hold the door open for you before you followed Robin down the street towards the pizza parlor. 

“And I’m sorry, but what the hell was that ending?” Robin continued her rant as the three of you ate your pizza. She had been rambling for a solid ten minutes. “Like, do we really need a heartfelt moral to a story about a teenage werewolf? I thought it was supposed to be a comedy. And by the way, the way they completely glossed over the whole mythical aspect of the werewolf was so stupid. Why didn’t anyone else besides his school care that there was an actual freaking living werewolf in the world?! It would have been a global news story!”

You and Steve laughed at her, then Steve shrugged as he swallowed a bite of his pizza. 

“I liked the basketball subplot,” He said with a smirk, knowing it would piss Robin off. 

“I think his best friend was funny. A huge douche, but still funny,” You added gleefully. “And I loved Michael J. Fox, of course.”

Robin rolled her eyes and grimaced as she threw her pizza crust back down on her plate. 

“You two make me sick.”

“Is there anything you liked about the movie?” Steve asked her. “Anything at all?”

She thought about it, then smiled suspiciously deviously. 

“Well, I will say that the only part I didn’t have any complaints about was him ending up with his friend. He was an oblivious idiot for a while there.”

She smirked at you before taking a bite, and in a moment of panic, you wondered if there was more to her scheme than she was letting on. She had laid her jacket beside her so you had to scoot in beside Steve in the booth across from her. Was it intentional? Your face began to flush as you prepared for her to say something more, but thankfully, she immediately changed the subject after eyeing the “help wanted” sign on the window next to her.

“Oh, speaking of idiots… Steve, did you ever figure out what to put on your résumé for the Family Video job?”

He paused mid bite and dropped his pizza onto his plate, glaring at Robin with an unamused expression. 

“Ha ha, I get it, I’m stupid. I don’t know how to make a résumé. Very funny.”

“Wait, you didn’t have one for Scoops Ahoy?” You asked him. 

“No…my…dad helped me get it. I don’t want his help this time.”

“And we’re very proud of you for that,” Robin added, attempting to backtrack her previous overly harsh jab at him. He glanced up at her, his mouth a thin line, still unamused. 

“Whatever…”

“No, seriously. That’s great, Steve. I hope you get the job. Let me know if I can help at all,” You offered. 

He smiled at you humbly. 

“Wish me luck, too,” Robin said, interrupting your moment. “I’m also applying.”

“So you guys are, like, competing for it?”

“Well, I know the manager from marching band, so… I’m hoping I can get us both a job.”

“Went from using my dad to using Robin…” Steve grumbled. “Can’t even get a stupid Family Video job on my own. Hopeless.”

“Relax, Steve!” Robin protested. “You’re still gonna earn the job. I’m just going to… help you out a little.”

“There’s no shame in that,” You added sincerely. 

“Then why do I feel ashamed? It’s Family Video.”

“Hey, I’d be working there, too!” Robin objected, offended. 

“That’s different. You’re still in high school.”

“Well, what about me?” You interjected. “I’m working at the general store and I’m a high school graduate. That’s not much different.”

“Yes it is! You’re an artist. What else do I have?”

“You have us!” Robin said, overly gleeful, framing her face with her hands with a toothy grin. “And your boyish good looks.”

“And your car. It’s a very nice car…” You added. 

“And you have very beautiful hair.”

Steve sat back in his chair and shook his leg as he waited for the two of you to give up your bit. 

“You done?” He asked with an eyebrow raised when you went silent. You and Robin looked at each other, then both shrugged unanimously. 

“Yeah.”

“Yup, that’s pretty much it. That’s really all you’ve got going for you,” Robin said, straight faced, then took a bite of her pizza. Steve groaned and leaned forward, hiding his head in his arms on top of the table.

“Relax, we’re joking Steve!” You said, shaking his arm. “You’re only nineteen. You have plenty of time to figure out what you really want to do with your life. And in the meantime…”

“You get to work with your best friend at Family Video!” Robin cheered, adding jazz hands for extra pizazz. “Where I will happily annoy you every waking moment of your life.”

He lifted his head up, resting his chin on his crossed arms, a frown on his face. 

“You just love torturing me, don’t you?” He whined. 

“Yes,” Robin said with a chortle as if it was the most obvious statement in the world. “It is literally my favorite hobby. I’m going to put it on all of my college applications as an extra curricular.”

“Ha ha ha,” Steve fake laughed and straightened up in his seat, then took a large bite of his pizza. “Good luck getting in anywhere then. Guess you’ll be stuck with me at Family Video for the rest of your life, after all.”

“Gross, don’t talk with your mouth full, dingus!” She scolded him, tossing a napkin at his head that he expertly dodged. They made childish faces at each other, then he bent over to pick it up off of the floor with an amused smirk. 

You giggled at them happily. It felt good to be the third musketeer again, teasing each other mercilessly. Maybe things really would be okay, after all. 

“So, where are you planning on going to school anyways?” You asked Robin, making Steve groan melodramatically.

“Ugh, no more ‘future' talk, please!”

“Aw,” Robin cooed. “You gonna miss me, Stevie?”

He glared at her then rolled his eyes, and she smirked back at him knowing that the answer was yes.

“Anyways… I’m not sure yet. I’m working on getting some scholarships. Or… just, any scholarships, actually. I’ll take what I can get.”

“Well, if you don’t get any, you can always opt to just run away with…” Steve trailed off, then mouthed the name, “Vickie,” covering his mouth with the wrong hand so that you could still see what he was saying. Robin rolled her eyes and reached out to him, slapping down his hand and grabbing what would have been the correct one to put it up to the other side of his mouth instead. Steve slowly lowered it with gritted teeth and mouthed an apology to her. 

“Who’s Vickie?” You asked her with a smirk, leaning forward curiously.

“No one, just… someone from band.”

“Ooooooh, someone from band!” You teased her, and she sat back in the booth to cover her eyes in shame.

“Can you both please stop before I combust?” She hissed. “There is nothing going on, okay? I don’t even know if she likes girls or not. And Steve, for the record, this is the last time I tell you anything.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” He admitted with a shrug.

“Oh, come on, Robin. Relax. I’m sorry. I’m just teasing.”

“Yeah, come on, Robin,” Steve parroted you, “At least she’s a big step up from Tammy Thompson.”

“Tammy Thompson?” You snorted. “You had a thing for Tammy Thompson?”

“A… a long time ago!” She tried to argue, then muttered, “Thanks again, Steve!” Through gritted teeth. 

“I sincerely hope Vickie really is a step up, because you can do so much better than Tammy.”

“Right?” Steve agreed with an overly enthusiastic nod. “That’s what I tried to tell her!” 

“She was… nice! And pretty. And brave!” Robin squeaked, trying to defend herself.

“Yeah, right, brave… She has to be to try to make it as a singer with that voice of hers.”

You made the mistake of taking a drink at the same time Steve said this, and a little bit of it sprayed out of your mouth as you doubled over in laughter. Robin looked at you in horror, but Steve was amused, joining in on your laughter. 

“I’m sorry,” You said, trying to collect yourself, then turned to Steve. “I was just remembering that one time she made us sit and watch her impromptu concert…”

“Oh my god, yes. In her backyard!” He finished your sentence excitedly. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I forgot about that. We were trying so hard not to laugh the entire time.”

Robin couldn’t help smiling a little at your shared memory, clearly pleased that her plan to bring you both together again was working. 

“You guys were friends as kids?”

“Oh, yeah. You didn’t know that?” Steve said, genuinely shocked that neither of you had mentioned it before. “Tammy lives across the street from me, and Y/N lives, like, a block away. God, the Thompsons were always so annoying. Y/N broke Tammy’s brother’s hockey stick once because he was being a little dick.”

“No way. Y/N? I don’t believe you,” Robin teased, shaking her head.

“It’s true. I did. And he deserved it, trust me,” You giggled.

“Shit, you really are a badass. Not that I… doubted it,” She added with an unconvincing grin. You rolled your eyes at her with a playful scoff.

“Thank you, Robin. I appreciate that.”

You and Steve looked at each other and laughed again, then your smile began to fade when you remembered how overshadowed your happy childhood memories were with your falling out in middle school. And now, with the complication of your kiss, too. Guess it wasn’t so easy to forget, after all.

“Okay, anyways…” Robin filled the lull in your conversation after swallowing another bite of her pizza, bringing your attention back to the present. “Steve, since you insisted on poking at my love life, why don’t you tell us how your date went last Friday with… what’s her name again?”

You snapped your head up in shock to look at him, and he stared back at you with wide eyes. That was the night he had rescued you from The Hideout.

“You were on a date last weekend?” You asked him, sounding a bit more shaken than you intended. 

“Oh, um, yeah. Linda. It was fine. Nothing special, I guess.”

“So does that mean you didn’t get laid?” Robin mocked him, her eyebrow raised deviously. 

Steve swallowed nervously, trying to avoid your piercing gaze. 

“I… well…” He trailed off and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to conceal his reddening cheeks. 

“Holy shit, look at your face!” Robin teased. “You did, didn’t you?”

He turned his head to look at you, unable to resist any longer, then glanced back at Robin and nodded quickly as if he was hoping that neither of you would be able to perceive it. But you both did, and Robin cheered while you continued to stare at him in shock.

“Thank god!” She exclaimed as Steve tried to shush her. “You’ve been such a pill. I think you needed that.”

“Okay, weirdo. I appreciate your concern with my sex life, but can we please change the subject?”

“Alright, alright. Geez. Sorry, since when are you so shy about your romantic endeavors?”

You were the reason why. And also probably the reason why he had been so… frustrated. You knew it, he knew it. The only one who didn’t know it was Robin. You were beginning to feel sick. 

“Okay, Y/N. Your turn. What’s got you so bummed out this time?” Robin pried. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say… Eddie?”

Great. That question certainly wasn’t helping the knot in your stomach. You began to pick apart your leftover pizza crust anxiously. 

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on. Steve and I both talked about our love lives, now it’s your turn. Out with it.”

You glanced over at Steve who was actually doing a remarkably good job of playing dumb.

“Okay… I hung out with him. And it didn’t go well. That’s all.”

“Shit. What happened? He didn’t live up to the ridiculously high standards you’ve been building up in your head for, like, five years?” Robin teased. 

‘No,’ You thought. ‘More like, I didn’t.’ But you kept this to yourself. 

“I don’t know. Maybe we are just too different,” You said instead. 

At the end of the day, this wasn’t really a lie. He knew exactly what he wanted, and you were floundering. That was the main difference you couldn’t get past. 

You weren’t exactly sure why you were being so withholding. Maybe it was because you were still ashamed by how you acted. Or maybe it was because part of the reason why it had gone poorly was because of Steve (in more ways than one), and you didn’t want to have to dance around it. Either way, you would rather throw yourself into oncoming traffic than talk about it a second longer. Steve must have felt the same, because he cleared his throat and spoke up before Robin could. 

“Ease up, Rob. I’m sorry for bringing up Vickie. Don’t take it out on Y/N.”

“I’m not! She sounded so sad on the phone, I just thought she might want to talk about it.”

Steve turned to you, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. You pinched the bridge of your nose in aggravation. 

“Guys, I’m fine! Okay? Just… disappointed. That’s all. I’ll get over it. Can we drop it, please?”

He and Robin shared a look, then they both went back to eating their pizza in uncomfortable silence. After a minute or so of this, Robin muttered, “Another brutal defeat for The Lonely Hearts Club…” And took a noisy sip of her soda as she avoided the glares you and Steve were sending her way.

When you all left the pizza place together, Robin and Steve began to walk back to his car, but you hung back. You didn’t like the idea of Steve dropping Robin off before you again. It didn’t feel like a good idea to be left alone in his car with him again, considering that the last two times hadn’t gone so well. 

“Hey, guys,” You called to them, and they both spun around to look at you. “I think I’m just gonna walk home. It’s a nice night. Probably the last warm one of the season. I wanna enjoy it.”

You were impressed with how smooth and convincing that lie was. You were becoming an expert. 

“Cool, sounds good. I’ll walk with you,” Robin nodded and bounded towards you, stopping beside you. Steve looked between the two of you, hesitating, then walked over towards you as well. 

“I’ll come, too, I guess. Why not?”

“But… what about your car?” You asked as he strode past you with Robin.

“It’s fine. A little extra exercise never killed anybody.”

“I don’t think that’s necessarily true,” Robin chuckled, and Steve pushed her playfully before calling out to you over his shoulder, “You coming?”

You paused to look up at the sky disdainfully, silently pleading with whoever was up there to put you out of your misery, then trudged off after them.

Midway through your journeys home, just before you made it to Robin’s street, you pulled her behind Steve and waited for him to walk out of earshot. 

“Please don’t leave me alone with him,” You begged her. She rolled her eyes at you melodramatically and stomped her foot like an impatient child.

“Seriously? We’re back to this again?”

“Please, Robin. Can’t I just stay over at your house or something?"

“I have to be up early tomorrow for band!” She hissed back. You closed your eyes with a groan and pulled on the back of her jacket, stopping her from walking away from you.

“Okay, let me put it this way,” You whispered frantically. “I would sooner walk home alone knowing Michael Myers was waiting for me around a corner than walk alone with Steve. That’s how serious I am. Please, help me come up with an excuse. I’m begging you.”

“Jesus Christ, what do you want me to do?! My house is down here. Figure out your own shit! I’m officially washing my hands of this.”

She pulled away and jogged a little down her street before you could protest again.

“Okay, well this was fun, but I’m this way! G’night Steve!” She called loudly, and gave you a frustrated look and nod towards him before she turned to run home.

“Bye,” Steve raised a hand and called back unenthusiastically, not even bothering to watch her go. 

You walked far behind him for another couple of blocks or so. The silence was beginning to make you itchy. Then you realized you had already passed the Harrington residence.

“Hey, didn’t we pass your house?” You called to him.

“Yeah,” He shrugged.

You rolled your eyes behind his back. 

“You can go home, you know. You don’t need to walk with me.”

“It’s fine,” He mumbled. “Wouldn’t want Freddie Krueger to get you.”

He turned around so that he was walking backwards, a giant smirk on his face. He had heard your exchange with Robin. You blushed and turned to look at the passing trees before speaking up a minute later.

“I said Michael Myers, but point made. Sorry you heard that.”

“I have to go back and get my car anyways,” He shrugged nonchalantly, glossing over your apology. 

“You seriously didn’t need to walk with us,” You said with an agitated shake of your head, still avoiding looking at him.

“I know that, Y/N. I guess I just like to torture you.”

His smile faded. Clearly it was beginning to get to him, how sour you had been acting ever since you left the pizza place.

“Nice,” You muttered. “Very nice.”

You didn’t realize that he had stopped walking until you practically ran into him. You froze in front of him and stared up at him.

“What?”

“I know you wanna yell at me, so do it. Yell at me.”

He crossed his arms like he was bracing himself, but you just made a face at him. 

“I don’t want to yell at you, Steve.”

“Well, you definitely wanna say something. So say it.”

You crossed your arms to match his defensive stance, then shook your leg nervously before giving in.

“Fine!” You shouted, throwing your hands up in defeat. “Were you ever going to tell me that you were on a date last Friday?”

“I don’t know,” He scoffed, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. “It’s not like it would’ve come up naturally. Especially since you weren’t… speaking to me.”

You sighed. He was right. You weren’t allowed to be mad about it, since you were the one that pushed him away. You lowered your eyes, then looked back up at him shamefully.

“I wouldn’t have called you if I had known,” You said, your tone much softer.

“I know. It’s fine.”

You nodded then started walking again, and he followed. You had another question that you were trying to bite back and he could tell, so he waited patiently for you to find the courage.

“So was she… was it… still going on when I called you?” You finally stammered, staring at your feet as you walked beside him.

“Uh… Yeah. She was over still.”

You looked up at him quickly with wide, mortified eyes.

“Oh my god, Steve, please don’t tell me you made her leave so you could come get me.”

“No, of course not. She was… asleep.”

“So you just left her at your house without telling her where you were going?”

“I… left a note.”

“And how did that go over?” You asked with a snort.

“Didn’t even notice I was gone. She was pretty… tired, I guess,” He admitted, scratching the back of his neck. You gaped at him, and he looked away from you bashfully.

“Steve!” You teased, elbowing his ribs. “Look at you. You’ve still got it. Such a heartbreaker.”

“Please. I am not.”

“Did you… take her to Sattler’s Quarry, too?” You mocked him, and he squeezed his eyes shut with a pained guffaw.

“No. No I did not!” He said loudly, frazzled. “I think I’ve finally learned my lesson with that place.”

You both fell into an awkward silence, and you glanced over at him to study the look on his face. He was holding something back. He caught you looking, knowing that you were silently prodding him to speak, and he shook his head at himself in shame.

“I really am sorry about that, Y/N. I hope you believe me that I wasn’t planning… all of that.”

You could tell he meant it, and you felt a little guilty for believing that there was a chance that he had planned it.

“So, you weren’t trying to move in on me… like a ninja?” You taunted him. His eyes widened, then he closed them and scoffed when he realized where you’d probably heard that. 

“Henderson,” He grumbled through clenched teeth.

“Yep,” You nodded with a playful smirk, and he softened slightly when he realized that you weren’t actually mad. Then he suddenly straightened up in panic.

“He doesn’t know about… us, does he?”

“Oh, god no. No,” You chuckled, and he let out a breath of relief. “He was actually…trying to give me advice about Eddie. By regurgitating your shitty advice.”

“Well, I’m sorry about that. Hope that wasn’t what ruined your night.”

“Please. Like I’d be stupid enough to take romantic advice from you after everything,” You teased, making him laugh.

“Well, good. Maybe the two of you can still salvage everything then.”

Your smile dropped. You didn’t quite know how to respond to that considering the previous night. 

“What?” Steve asked you when he noticed your sudden change in demeanor.

“Okay… I, uh. I guess I should just tell you. Eddie and I actually hung out again last night, and we… kissed.”

He froze and gaped at you, a blank look on his face.

“Wow,” He eventually said, a wrinkle forming between his brows briefly before it disappeared again. “That’s… good, right? How did that happen?”

“He took me out to a diner and we talked for a little while… and then he kissed me when he drove me home.”

“So, you went on a date?”

“No, it wasn’t… it wasn’t a date,” You stuttered nervously.

“Y/N… that’s the literal definition of a date,” He retorted flatly.

“No, because you have to be part of a couple for it to be a date,” You argued, scratching your brow with a frustrated laugh. “And we are definitely not a couple. I made sure of that.”

“What? What happened? I thought you really liked him.”

“I did. I do. I just…”

He interrupted you by putting his hand out in front of you, slowing his pace.

“Hold on, it’s not because he’s still seeing that girl you were talking about, is it?” He asked you with a grimace. 

“No… he said that was just casual.”

He lowered his hand and snorted.

“Right,” He said, shaking his head. You furrowed your eyebrows at him. 

“You think he’s lying?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged. “I don’t know the guy.”

“You have casual relationships… And, I mean, clearly you’re not planning on marrying that girl you spent the night with last weekend, right?”

“No…” He admitted tentatively. “I guess not…”

“So, then, maybe it’s not farfetched that he would have a similar thing with this girl, right?”

He hesitated, thinking about it, then shook his head. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure he’s telling the truth. I’m sorry.”

You tried to study his face to figure out what he was keeping from you, but once again, he was too good at being withholding. 

“Steve, if you really are into her, if I was way off base, let me know. It just didn’t seem like you were…”

“Alright, we’re getting off topic,” He interrupted you, waving a hand. “What really happened with you and Eddie, Y/N?”

You scoffed at his quick deflection and stopped walking. That was a loaded question with no easy answers. He froze beside you and turned to you with his brows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

You pursed your lips together, your forehead wrinkling at the kind, concerned look on his face. He was so sweet. You wanted to be honest with him, but that also meant having to drudge up your tangled past again, and risking him feeling guilty for something he’d already worked so hard to move past. He refused to look away, and you turned your head with a sigh before forcing yourself to speak. 

“Look, I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to feel bad. Do you promise you won’t feel bad?”

“Uh… okay. Sure,” He agreed tentatively, slightly terrified.

“Okay…” You began, then paused to take a deep breath as you prepared to launch into yet another long rant for him. “I know you know that Carol and Tommy liked to terrorize me, and I know you know I had a crush on you when we were kids… but I don’t think I was completely honest with you about that whole ordeal. I… didn’t just like you, Steve. I really, really liked you. I think I was convinced that I was actually in love with you. And when you stopped talking to me and continued to hang out with Carol and Tommy as they tortured me, my brain filled in all the blanks with the worst possible explanations. And they saw that, and they stoked the fire, and I let them. I let them convince me that I was worthless, and a freak, and that you would never even like me let alone love me because of who I was. And I have been hanging on to that shit… for way too long. I still feel… unlovable. And with Eddie… I probably would have started dating him a long time ago if it wasn’t for that awful voice still in the back of my head. I’ve just been so… terrified. And even though I know that it’s not your fault, I can’t help thinking that a lot of the bad shit that happened to me…wouldn’t have happened if you had just… been there. If you had just noticed what was really going on. And that’s the full truth. I think that’s why I got so weird after we kissed, too. And I’m really sorry. I know that’s not fair to you, because you’ve been so kind and you’ve been there for me through everything we’ve been through, but I’m still… I’m still working on it. On being… trusting. And not necessarily in other people, but in myself. I guess. I don’t know. Did any of that make sense?”

He was frozen, staring at you with his big sad eyes, trying to process everything that you had unloaded onto him. His mouth opened a few times before he was able to speak. 

“Y/N… I’m… I’m so…”

“Don’t say sorry!” You interrupted him, pointing a finger up at him. “You promised me you wouldn’t feel bad. You don’t need to apologize for something you didn’t even do. I could have tried to talk to you all that time, too, but I didn’t. It’s my fault.”

“If it’s your fault, then why do I feel like I’ve ruined your life about a hundred times?”

“Steve, that’s not true. Look, I didn’t tell you all that to guilt you. I just wanted you to…understand. Why I was having such a hard time with everything.”

He went quiet, his hand covering his mouth like it was taking everything in him not to vomit out another apology. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore, and turned to you again.

“Can I at least apologize for being so oblivious to everything?” He blurted out.

“I guess. But, I was also oblivious to a lot of shit. So… I’m sorry for that, too, then.”

“Okay, well, then… I’m sorry for breaking your heart when we were kids.”

“That’s the thing, though!” You squeaked out with a weary chuckle. “Did you? I don’t even know that it was heartbreak. Does it count as heartbreak if you never even knew how I felt about you? If you never even…technically, rejected me? It was more just…miscommunication. It’s always just been goddamn miscommunication. And then I just skip right to telling myself that nothing ever works out because there’s something wrong with me and I’m not good enough to be in a real relationship.”

“Well… that’s bullshit,” He scoffed, his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. It is bullshit, isn’t it?” You agreed with a laugh.

You took a deep breath. It felt good to get all of that off of your chest, and Steve seemed to be taking it well. It seemed like he understood. You truly hoped he didn’t blame himself for your own insecurities. 

As if he could read your thoughts, he shook his head at you, then mumbled quietly, “I… I understand feeling unlovable, Y/N. You know that, right?”

You raised your eyebrows at him in shock.

“You do?”

“Yeah, are you kidding?” He chortled. 

You thought about this for a minute, then your face softened when you realized who he was talking about.

“Nancy?” You asked him quietly.

“Yeah, Nancy. Among… other things, I guess. Just… you’re not the only one holding onto past heartbreak. Trust me.”

You nodded sadly. 

“That… explains a lot.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah. Kinda,” You shrugged. “You’ve seemed sort of…lost. Confused. I don’t know. Is that unfair for me to say?”

“No. I’d say that’s a perfectly fair assessment,” He agreed with a chuckle. You tilted your head at him sympathetically. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so impatient with you, Steve. It just drives me crazy, not being able to tell what’s on your mind sometimes.”

“It’s okay. It pisses me off, too, trust me. I’m working on it.”

“I am, too. Which is why I shouldn’t have been so hard on you about… not knowing what you wanted. Because clearly, I didn’t either.”

He seemed genuinely surprised by this statement, like he was unsure of what you had been trying to decide.

“But… you know now?” He asked.

“I mean… I think so, but that doesn’t mean I can have it.”

He stared at you for a moment, still trying to pick apart your brain.

“You’re talking about Eddie, right? Just so we’re clear.”

You nodded tentatively, and he sucked in a deep breath.

“Right…” He muttered. “I guess I just don’t understand what’s holding you back still. I get the way you’re feeling, I do. But, you guys kissed. That should be the end of it, right? Just talk to him.”

“But… what about the Upside Down?”

He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, taken aback by this sudden change of subject.

“What about it?”

“Steve, I can’t bring him into this shit. I can’t subject him to all of that after everything he’s been through in his life. It wouldn’t be fair. And I can’t lie to him. I mean, what kind of relationship would it be if I was keeping a secret as big as that? Not to mention, I’d be willingly putting his life in danger. Look at how many people have died already. It would be selfish of me to overlook that.”

“Shit… I honestly didn’t think about that.”

He fell silent, and you shook your head at him impatiently. 

“So… what? No advice for me? No opinions?”

“Look,” He sighed. “If you wanna be a martyr and sacrifice something that could be really good just on the off chance that it may possibly keep him out of harms way, that’s your choice. But… I don’t know. If it were me, and I knew the person I wanted felt the same way, I don’t know if I’d be able to hold back. Whether it was selfish or not. Honestly, I think… screw the Upside Down. Screw Carol and Tommy, screw me. That’s my opinion. You can’t just stop living your life because… you’re afraid of what could happen.”

He said the last sentence quietly, his eyebrows pushed together like he was trying to convince himself as well as you. You weren’t about to let that slide.

“And what about you?” You asked him.

“What about me?”

“What are you afraid of?”

He snapped his head up to look at you, a quizzical expression on his face. 

“What? Nothing.”

“Steve, I can tell you’re hiding something.”

“Y/N, if there was something I wanted to talk to you about, I would. Okay?” He said a little more harshly than you were expecting. 

“Okay! I just… I hope that if there’s something you wouldn’t want to tell me, that you would still tell Robin. Or even Dustin. I don’t know. Just… somebody.”

“Seriously, I’m fine. Alright? I promise,” He snapped. “You can stop worrying about me.”

“Alright. Sorry…” You said quietly, staring at your feet. 

You fell into another uncomfortable silence. Then you remembered that there was one secret that you had told Eddie, and felt instantly guilty. You cleared your throat.

“By the way, I may have told Eddie about us,” You admitted, and Steve snorted impatiently.

“What about us?” He asked, shaking his head. 

“That we kissed.”

You looked up at him. His lips were pursed like he was trying to stop himself from snapping again, and he took a calming breath before he spoke up.

“So… I can’t tell Robin, our mutual friend, but you can tell Eddie?”

“I’m sorry. He… pried it out of me. And I had just interrogated him about what was going on with him and that girl, so it was only fair. He could tell something was up when you showed up at The Hideout and… threatened him.”

“Jesus,” He sighed, shaking his head. “He’s gonna murder me.”

“No he’s not,” You scoffed. 

“What else have you told him?”

You paused to think about it. 

“I… told him I wasn’t sure if… if you even still wanted to be my friend because of it,” You trailed off, studying his furrowed brows. “Do you… still want to be my friend?”

He gazed down at you, searching your eyes. 

“Do you still want to be my friend?”

You stopped walking again, and he stood beside you, his eyes still glued to yours.

“Yes,” You said firmly. “Of course. You’re my best friend, Steve. I don’t want to lose you.”

He cocked his head shyly, looking down at his feet before he sighed and gazed back at you.

“You’re not gonna lose me, alright?” He said gently. “I don’t wanna lose you either. We’ll just actually pretend like nothing ever happened from now on, like you said. Right? I think I can live with that.”

“So you’re not gonna fall hopelessly in love with me?” You asked him with a smirk. He snorted and shook his head at you playfully. 

“No. I won’t. I promise.”

“Good.”

The two of you nodded in agreement, then turned and started walking again, side by side. 

“We had a good night tonight, right? Before Robin made it weird?” Steve asked. “It felt… normal.”

“Yeah, it did. God, I can’t believe she has no idea what happened and she still managed to make it awkward, though. How does she do that?”

“I don’t know. I guess she’s more dangerous flying blind.”

“Which reminds me, what exactly have you been complaining to her about if you never told her about what happened with us?”

“Oh, god,” He grumbled and sucked in air through his teeth. “Nothing… specific. Just that you wouldn’t talk to me. I promise.”

“You sure?” You asked him, nudging him with your shoulder. 

“I’m sure.”

“Okay. So… we’re good, then? Right? No more weirdness between us?”

“No more weirdness,” He echoed, then leaned over and asked, “It was… it was good, though, right? Our kiss?”

“STEVE!” You reprimanded him, pushing him away from you.

“Sorry! I had to ask!”

“No, you absolutely did not,” You giggled. “What happened to pretending like it never happened?”

“Alright, sorry. I had to make it weird one last time. We’re good, Y/N.” He went quiet for a moment, then added, “And you are going to talk to Eddie.”

“What? No,” You snorted. “I think last night was the final nail in the coffin. The whole thing is just way too complicated. An absolute mess. It’s time for me to admit that it’s over.”

“Bullshit,” He said quickly, shaking his head vehemently. “It’s not over.”

You squinted up at him silently, confused by his determination on the matter, and he sighed before offering up the explanation you would have inevitably asked from him. 

“Y/N, I think you both would have given up a long time ago if that were true. The two of you have been pining over each other forever. It’s not over. Trust me. Not on his end, and certainly not on yours. I know you. You’ve gotta see this through, otherwise you’ll never be able to move on. Just, for the love of god, swallow your pride this time and be honest with him about how you feel. Tell him about the Upside Down, don’t tell him. Whatever. Just… don’t let this go on another five years. For the love of god.”

You were taken aback by this speech, especially since you knew that Steve wasn’t exactly supportive of your feelings for Eddie.

“What, so now you approve of him suddenly?” You teased him, unsure what else to say. 

“I didn’t say that…” He mumbled staring down at his shoes as he kicked a stone on the road. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna get it, but I meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy. You really do deserve to have everything you want. I know you don’t believe that, but you do.”

You weren’t sure if he was right, but you appreciated how passionately he felt about it. You watched him continue to shuffle his feet, your heart feeling like it was about to overflow with gratitude for his kindness. 

“You know I want you to be happy too, Steve, right? That you deserve to be happy?” You asked him, and he peered up at you in surprise. Then he blinked a few times and shrugged, as if he had known it was true all along. 

“I do.” 

“Okay. Good.”

You smiled kindly at him, and he went back to kicking rocks.

“So are you gonna go after him?” He asked the pavement. 

"I’ll… think about it.”

“You’re gonna go after him again, Y/N,” He chuckled. “You know it, I know it…”

“I said I’ll think about it! Smartass.”

He smirked at you and the two of you stopped when you both realized you were in front of your house. You sighed, preparing to say goodbye. 

“When’s your interview for Family Video?” You asked him. 

“Not for another two weeks.”

“I’m working at the general store tomorrow if you want to stop by so we can look over your résumé. I was serious when I offered to help you.”

His lips turned up in a brief smile, and he put his hands in his pockets shyly.

“Okay. Thanks. Maybe I will.”

“I hope you do,” You shrugged and smiled, coaxing his back out. 

“So…I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow,” You promised, and the two of you waved goodbye before he walked back down the street. 

This time, you truly meant it.  

[growingwithem]

GIRL HELP I checked out the Eunhyuk VCR you posted on the SuJu ask game and I’ve never seen it before and OMG 😵😵😵 WOW 🔥🔥🔥 — @yangseungbae

Related to this.

I finally have someone to talk to about this 😭 😭😭 Take a seat because for the first time I will do my analysis on this gem that hyukjae has shared with us 👀

Not many elfs have seen that VCR and if they did, they haven't given it the importance it deserves. That performance is a gem, the first time I saw it I was shocked because I never thought to see any member of suju do something like that, but who else but hyukjae could do it? That man has enormous respect for stages and performances. I mean, he is a stage director! He has directed the Super Junior concerts since Super Show 5 (and it should be noted that since that super show there began to be more dynamism and charisma in the super shows compared to the previous ones).

Many artists express their feelings in their lyrics, but hyukjae also does it with his dance and staging. He did it with Say My Name, Dear Two (the relationship between the chains and the lyrics is very obvious) even in Be, the choreography was done that way because hyukjae wanted to transmit purity, delicacy, vulnerability in his movements (and not to mention the sound minimalist that has the song and the visuals of the mv). In the case of the VCR + Intro + I Wanna Love You there is a lot to analyze.

Making a parenthesis, I want to comment that the fact that he chose male dancers to do this staging could be for two reasons. First: Choosing female dancers could upset the fandom or Korean society (Knowing Korea society, who knows?). Second: He is more comfortable with male dancers / he wanted them to be male dancers from the beginning (who are wearing super sultry and sexy makeup by the way).

Now, how do we interpret all this? I have two interpretations and I think both are valid. My sister, who is studying audiovisual communication, explained to me that EVERYTHING that is put into a production (whether it is in the cinema, video clips or concerts) is there for a reason and that the spectators have the right to have their own perception of what is story wants to tell, so here are mine.

First interpretation:

It's a metaphor for how they feel about living love as a couple and having sex in a society where it's taboo to talk about it if you're an idol.

Koreans for some reason do not tolerate their "idols" having a partner no matter how old they are, so all these symbolisms can mean that they can feel imprisoned in that sense, since they cannot freely express and enjoy their sexuality like any other man about 40 years old.

It is important to mention that all this was a VCR that introduced the song I Wanna Love U (which talks about how two men like the same woman and want to spend the night with her) and part of the staging is linked to the VCR, thus continuing the story.

Eunhyuk appears with chains on stage, and after fighting with them he manages to break them.

Then Donghae arrives and they dance on the same bed with cells revolving around them. Then each one is going to dance on their own, singing to the other not to get in their way.

At the end of the song, Take It Slow continues immediately (a song that talks about how a man wants to make that special girl feel paradise) where this time a female dancer finally enters the performance.

The song ends with Donghae "sleeping" with the girl.

Second interpretation:

This interpretation is not very unrelated to the first, only that this time I focus more on Hyukjae's sexuality.

It's not too surprising to the fandom that hyukjae and donghae's sexuality is being talked about because many strongly believe that they could be in a romantic relationship. Personally for me, I don't think it's good to affirm that a person has a certain sexual orientation because it's a personal journey, even more so because no one is forced to say what sexual orientation you have if you're not straight, label you because the world asks you to or come out of the closet. So to me all of this may be a metaphor for how Hyukjae has embraced his sexuality (whatever it is) after being "blinded" to it.

First Hyukjae appears lying on the ground with a blindfold (he is blinded, he cannot face what is happening around him), he is wearing chains and open handcuffs (he was imprisoned for a while, but now he is "free" but still feels vulnerable, the path is just beginning).

Men take him to bed and touch him, he is not surprised or uncomfortable with touches so perhaps it is a sensation he has already experienced.

Then hyukjae takes off his blindfold and looks up at the sky. He already feels ready, he already woke up.

Then he paints his lips. We can see lipstick as an "feminine" element, but in this story everyone is wearing makeup. But the only one who has red lipstick (passion) is hyukjae.

Then hyukjae puts his finger on his lips. It is clear that the lips are one of the most sensitive places on our body. And using your fingers to rub them is totally lustful.

Then there is the paint that stains the bodies of each one of them.

It may be a coincidence (which I think it is) but it's funny how the color that predominates in hyukjae's body is yellow and its meaning is "sunlight" And which member of super junior has the nickname the sun...? Exact.

Blue represents super junior for me (and art in general) and green obviously represents nature (loving you as you are, no matter what the world says)

Then Hyukjae starts dancing with the boys under color changing lights (♥️💛💚💙💜).

Dance has been a huge metaphor for singer-songwriters when they want to express love and sex in a more sublime and poetic way. George Michael uses it in Careless Whisper and Super Junior uses it in Burn The Floor (both are gems).

Something important is that they are dancing in the rain. And who wrote a song that compares love with the rain and in its music video the only member who runs in the rain is Hyukjae? Yes, Donghae (One More Chance).

In the end Hyukjae goes back to bed and dominates all the men, thus exchanging roles.

Thus demonstrating the completion of his journey, feeling more sure of himself and enjoying what that entails ❤️‍🩹

In case you haven't seen the full concert, here is. Hyukjae directed the concert and is one of D&E's and byeolnims' favorites 💙

[kimmkitsuragi]

the fame monster (2009) - my commentary edition

this is so fun, we started doing album commentary with a mutual!! anyone who wants in can join and add their thoughts too <3

BAD ROMANCE - THEEEE SONG OF ALL TIME TBH. excuse me i will literally write an essay on this. first of all: this changed the trajectory of pop music at that time. it really did. i dont want any further comments on this.

second of all, i knowww this is probably the most popular gaga song and everyone has heard it so many times in their lives (especially on the radio in early 2010s lol) BUT! i want everyone to hear it again and again and again. because they just dont make songs like this anymore!!! the production valueeeee are u hearing this????? the vocals??? the lyrics??? the POWER absolute power of this song. oh my god.

also, rah rah bitch. gaga ooh lala even.

last of all, when she said i dont wanna be friends french and THEN started speaking french??? 😭☝ i FEEL that lady gaga

ALEJANDRO - okay this CHANGED ME as a person. im not even kidding. i watched the music video, i was like 10, and it awakened something in me.

this song was also such a hit, and to be honest, it is simply insane to me that we were listening to this on the radio. like?? are u hearing this BEAT??? with that intro?? the hook???? that buildup??? please. this is pop perfection right here.

DONT CALL MY NAME ROBERTO 😔

MONSTER - i love this one so much. that boy is a monster mo mo monster, so fucking true! one thing i really like about a lot of her music is that the songs are jams and sound really fun, but then when u listen to the lyrics, it gets really really sad. this is a good example of this. she does that a lot starting from this album especially

also that little just dance reference hehe queen of intertextuality and self referentiality (i will say this every time she references her own songs and she does that A LOT i realized lol)

SPEECHLESS - the best gaga ballad!!! TO ME!! it's soooo good. her voice is so captivating (vocal queen always foreverrrr). the lyrics are so 😭😭 the production and instrumentals!! pleaseeee

side note: interesting how her trash father inspired so many of her best works 🤔 when i listen to this song i lose myself in it every time and then i think: QUEEN how could u possibly write this about your dad and how it can be soooo good???

DANCE IN THE DARK - one of her most underrated songs!!! definitely!!! THAT BRIDGE!!!!! marilyn, judy, sylvia tell em how you feel girls 🗣🗣🗣

i love this one so much. sooo much. how do the kids say nowadays, she is really mothering in this one, okay?

ooh and did u know that there is a rina sawayama cover of this song?? i love that as well.

TELEPHONE - oh my godddd the way i would try to do the dance of this but never could 😭 it was too much for little me...

okay this one is absolutely ICONIQUE as one would say. the music video??? that's poetic cinema. they left us with "to be continued" for over a decade now lmao 😭 i wish we could see them together again pleaseeee

what can i say, it's a hit!! another song that no one could escape from in early 2010s lol she's quite the hit-maker isnt she :)

SO HAPPY I COULD DIE - what a layered song. first of all, the lyricism of this song (this album in general tbh) really transcends. the way this can be sexual, or it can be about addiction at the same time. i really dont have the brain power to write abt it in depth but i just love the lyrics of this one sooo much

"i am as vain as i allow" this is so gaga.

TEETH - 😳😳😳 okay... this one is one of her hottest songs imo what does it say abt me lmao

i LOVE this like that beat... and it has such a musical theater vibe to it, it's so so good. has some really fun vocal moments too <3 really what a closer to this incredible album!!

(BONUS SONG) RETRO, DANCE, FREAK -

okay this one is a bonus song (technically for "The Fame" album, but released with the international deluxe edition of "The Fame Monster". so im putting it here as a bonus song lol)

this one is soooo fun for me. i wish this was in the original tracklist of The Fame instead of Disco Heaven tbh. it's fun, it fits the energy and vibe of the album so well. it would be a better closer imo :<

general comments - this album is POP PERFECTION in the literal sense im not even kidding. it's her shortest, but probably the most impactful work.

in terms of production, it has such a CLARITY that is really hard to see in many albums. the art direction and music meets the production perfectly. The Fame is an iconic album, sure. but The Fame Monster really takes a huge step ahead from that if you ask me. which says a LOT about the quality of this album

i want to say, the lyrics in this album is probably my favorite from her works. it just!!!! so good, so powerful!!! the dark side of fame may seem like an overdone concept, but she does it so well here

i would say this is her best album if i didnt know what will come later in her career lmao. it's just so good, so clean, so inspirational, i would just think "okay how will she top this cmon now"... but she does she really does that's really impressive on its own

ranking for now: the fame monster >> the fame

(the ranking may get Messy in the next album commentaries lmao but im just trying 🤷‍♂️)

[tillxthexearthxstartsxtoxcrumble]

Little details in The Phantom Of The Opera movie that I love so much cause I just watched it for the first time in years again and I will be mentioning my point of view now vs when I was a kid. Also this is in honor of it closing on Broadway today, it's truly an amazing musical

My mom had watched this musical since she was a kid and it's a favorite of hers so this is also one I watched with her and we shared things we liked throughout it :)

Just so everyone knows, as a kid I didn't understand anything bad about what the phantom was doing but I knew he was treated horribly and I sympathized with him a lot.

Warning: this is a very long post. I just started liveblogging at one point and never went back.

This was emobviously entirely intentional but the color coming back as it lights up in fire is truly one of the best things that could have ever been done with a movie and I will NEVER get over it. Best part of those flash forwards

Lot 666. The freaking chandelier falling. I'm just. Yeah. That's cool.

My mom saw a performance of this off Broadway but still in a big theater and they did light a fire and raise a chandelier for it and she mentions that anytime we talk about this musical. It was truly an amazing experience for her

THE TRUMPETSSSSSSS. I'm such a band nerd but I am gonna try and convince my band director to let us perform this cause we have a copy in the music library (also happy birthday to my band director cause it probably won't still be his birthday when this is posted but it is as I'm writing this)

She says she thinks of her as a daughter and yet she's aware of everything and lets it happen...

My mom said she didn't like Raoul until the movie and as a kid I didn't care for him (as I said, I cared for the phantom) but rewatching it now they're kinda cute with how excited they are when they recognize each other. More comments on them later, probably.

CHRISTINE IS GLOWING LITERALLY DURING THE PERFORMANCE. LITERALLY.

Because it's my current binging show and I'm emotionally attached, I have to mention- the actress playing Christine is truly incredible because I'm watching her in Shameless rn and it's truly amazing seeing her in both of these

CHRISTINE AND RAOUL SINGING TOGETHER AT ALL IS JUST THE BEST THING FOR THE EARS

SHE WATCHES HIM LOCK CHRISTINE IN WHY FORS SHE JUST STAND BY?! MA'AM I UNDERSTAND SYMPATHY, I HAD IT FOR HIM AS A KID TOO, BUT YOU'RE A GROWN ASS ADULT WITH A KID AND A SURROGATE CHILD. COME ON.

I mentioned this with my mom but I am really into color theory and white usually represents purity and innocence, which is why I find it interesting how his MASK is literally the color meaning innocene and then later on in the film he has a black mask when even Christine knows he is not the wonderful angel she though he was, and he doesn't get back his mask of innocence And the mask is even taken off. Which also, there is a beauty when reading into color symbolism how black represents evil and death and he has a black mask when going after so many people to kill and then she removes his mask and she has sympathy for him. Because while he is truly terrible for all he's done, he is a damaged creature that has never been shown love and she pities him. Doesn't change or make anything he has done okay but if there was much thought behind that, I love it.

Watched a Cinema Therapy episode on this (HIGHLY suggest checking them out, they're amazing!!! You can find them on YouTube!) But they mention how his lyrics are all very possessive and her love song with Raoul is all about sharing. I love it.

Time to acknowledge the elephant in the room cause the casting of Gerard Butler is very controversial apparently but my mom told me she read an article saying that they chose him because he was an untrained singer, as the phantom was meant to be. I understand both sides of the arguments on his casting, because while yes the authenticity of the character making it more realistic with singing ability, he was meant to be this amazing singer who literally sang like an angel so getting a trained actor may have been better but idk. I still love it

Sir get your hands off her you literally watched her grow up while you were an adult already.

The difference in perspective between Christine and what the reality was being shown is something that makes me appreciate it being a movie. There being rats and it being dark and damp as the reality vs Christine seeing it all lit up and beautiful and mysterious.

Nah man cause Christine is my favorite voice in this but I AM OBSESSED WITH RAOUL'S VOICE HOLY HELL

Nah man if I had literally seconds notice to play an unplanned song in band I'd lose my shit

The cinematography in this is just so beautiful oh my gosh

Okay more on the color theory a little bit with the masks. The masquerade scene- my mom told me the live performance was quite colorful during this but it was more black and white in this and it's interesting to me that they choose now to have the both black and white here. Because Christine sees through The Phantom mostly, but still believes him to be some angel in some form, and until she goes to the cemetery he will stay that way. The mask he enters with here, while still white was shaped much like a skull. Still the purity, but the death behind it that she now knows. It's also covering his whole face now.

He falls down into a firey pit. They're really not hiding the symbolism I just love pointing out the details

I hate people. I completely understand why he killed the guy and why she got him away. (I just don't like that she continues with it)

The song at the Graveyard is just. Yeah.

The red lighting is yet again making me think of color theory however I just can't get over their singing together in this song holy shit.

HE HAS THE WHITE MASK BACK WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO GET HER BACK AND SHE WAS GOING, IT WASN'T UNTIL HE FOUGHT RAOUL AND HURT HIM THAT IT CHANGED

Raoul I care for you a lot buddy but why share your plan when you know the man lives there and hears everything

They're covering their ears for his opera.

Yet again gonna mention the literal fire they have on the stage. Hell, but also passion and the danger.

Her straps of her dress are up before he shows up. One strap has fallen to her shoulder when he shows up and as she realizes it's him, both fall down. His play is titled "Don Juan" after the famous man who dedicated his life to seducing all women he could. Also this is Gerard Butler's best song vocal wise in my opinion

SHE LIFTS HER SLEEVES BACK UP THEN HE SINGS THE LINE "beyond the point of no return" AND THEN SHE LOOKS AT RAOUL AND HE REALIZES. Is this anything? Possibly not but it's 1 am at this moment

Her sleeves go back down when she turns back to him and sings the same lines as him.

Holy fuck their voices in this song too.

Raoul I'm so sorry my guy I saw those tears in your eyes.

She was acting along with everything he wanted but as he sang the song she thought was secret with her lover, she moved and started to tear up. Then she takes off his mask.

They fall down through the flames. I've already mentioned it but just... I love it

Okay idk if people will agree and I know there wasn't this much information on her in the Broadway performance but she stopped her daughter from going with them and brought Raoul down there. She has been shown to know his traps and the way out of them, where he hides and where he stays. She wouldn't let her daughter go, and stops, then sends him to go on alone and he ends up falling into a trap. She's shown that she is loyal to the phantom so far, who's to say she wouldn't try to sabotage Raoul?

I love how she isn't sympathetic at first, she was ANGRY and rightfully so. She sees a way out later and shows him compassion and love that he has never known

THE WAY HE SINGS "I fought so hard to free you" SO SOFTLY AS HE LOOKS AT HER BREAKS MY HEART MAN.

The fact that she mouths "I love you" to Raoul before she acts that way with the phantom.

He's shown love for the first time and it breaks him.

Okay further providing evidence of my theory that the surrogate mother (I forget her name ngl) wasn't so good- she was shown earlier to know the way that Christine was always taken there and that's the way the other people come in (as far as I could tell she wasn't with them) but she led Raoul the way that there was a trap door...

Going back to the white mask being the mask of the purity and innocence... the monkey was shown with him when he was a child. Not that exact one, I don't think, but a monkey was there and the white mask of purity (the way he was as a child) being left with it and him looking at it earlier on with no mask at all, after she shows him love and says that his face is not the monstrous side of him. Idk, I just loved that.

[alltheselights]

I agree with you on everything and I love your clearsightedness, except one thing. I think youre right that LTHQ/Sony don't want Larries around as unconditional fans because we support Louis too hard, so we have to be taught in regular bursts not to trust him and hate him instead. I think HSHQ/Sony do want Larries around because we also support Harry hard and we're very handy to defend his queerness when he's playing all sides against the middle and getting shit for supposed queerbaiting from normals and other fanbases. We're gonna to be super useful for getting SM hype when MP drops and defending H from claims he shouldn't have taken the role because hes not gay. But Louis, they do need Louis to keep Larry going just enough (he is kind of necessary for that) and lets be real, make Harry's image more approachable and relatable for us, but they dont want him to come anywhere near reaching his potential as an artist as we've seen proved conclusively by now. This is just more of the same old bullshit they always pull to drag him back down and damage him again because the tour went far too well. Its the same shit. The same people. The same tactics. Damaging syndicated articles, and fandom sabotage 'from his own mouth' except it's always a version of Louis that doesnt exist when you actually see or hear him. It's about us , about Larries, and how easily we can be made to turn on him but only if we never turn on Harry. I really think thats what its all about now.

I actually do think you have a point here, so I’ll add this to what I said - maybe HSHQ do want Larries around, but they want us fully in the background while they continue to cater to his solo fanbase and especially to the locals, who they want listening to his music, buying his album, and attending his concerts. Hardcore fans are important, but those locals are the reason his streaming and overall sales numbers are so high and it’s hard to sustain that interest.

You know, I’ve noticed more and more lately how this side of the fandom's view of Harry strays further and further from the general public view every single day. For example, I constantly see people talking about how het Harries and locals only like “sexy” Harry and how they must HATE the rest of Harry’s stage behavior and clothing. In reality, people have known how Harry acts and dresses for a long time and it adds to their attraction to him. I don’t get how people haven’t picked up on this considering Harry has become MORE popular with the general public and expanded his mostly female fanbase since Vogue. I try to avoid Harry and Louis content on TikTok, but often when it pops up, I find people talking about how Harry was “written by a woman” because he’s masculine while still being in touch with his feminine side and he’s sexy without being threatening. These aspects of Harry’s image that many Larries claim het Harries or the general public hate are actually a huge part of peoples’ perfect boyfriend fantasy of him, and both Harry and HSHQ know that.

It’s just extremely frustrating to watch people come up with excuses and alternative meanings to very clear, unsubtle lyrics (e.g. I bring the pop to the cinema, if you’re getting yourself wet for me, choke her with a sea view), make excuses for certain types of behavior or ignore it entirely (so much of Harry’s stunt content never even makes it to Tumblr, I’ve noticed, while all of Louis’ does), or blame everyone around Harry and then turn around and spew vitriol toward Louis immediately when something happens. Especially considering what the consequences of all of this stuff are for Harry (his career is on the rise) and what the consequences are for Louis (nothing has improved for him in terms of promo or public image even after his sold out world tour).

It’s just hard to watch how Louis gets punished by his fans when he gets nothing out of this shit. This quote you said toward the end: “It’s about us, about Larries, and how easily we can be made to turn on him but only if we never turn on Harry.” You’re right. And it’s horrible.

[nat-20s]

Tagged by @marklikely to post the top 9 movies I've seen recently! I actually haven't watched that many movies lately so I'm just posting the nine most recent movies I saw in general, going from worst to best with some commentary/summary

9- 1up. A movie from fucking BUZZFEED STUDIOS about gamer girls. I quit about ten minutes in when they had a "triggered" joke. PAINFUL to watch not even bad in a fun way

8- The Book of Love- a romcom about a man who wrote a boring ass book and his translator that made it a steamy romance novel in spanish. It is neither romantic nor comedic. The main character is so DEEPLY DEEPLY unlikable. It's basically a worse version of another movie on this list (off the menu). Also by buzzfeed studios who let buzzfeed make movies

7. Thor: Love and Thunder- a sequel to Thor Ragnarok that isn't even half as charming imo. No more getting excited for Disney produced movies we have evolved past being excited for Disney movies

6. Harold and the Search For Happiness - a psychiatrist realizes he's too emotionally stunted to help his clients. Goes traveling around the world to find what takes people happy. If was okay but I spent most of it playing Hades on my laptop while it was in the background

5.- Marry Me- a romcom starring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Lopez. She's a pop star who finds out her fiancee is cheating in her on her wedding night, so she married some random guy in the crowd. It's a pretty middle of the road romcom, and the "celebrity who falls for someone who's barely familiar with their work" formula I think is done better in Notting Hill, The Decoy Bride, and Music and Lyrics. Enjoyable enough

4.Off the Menu- another romcom! This one is about a guy who's dad is the president of Fake Taco Bell and he sucks. He gets assigned to go find new recipes for Fake Taco Bell and is sent to New Mexico, where he finds a small restaurant that serves AMAZING food. I can't really accurately rate how good this movie is because I would watch Santino Fontana in ANYTHING. Manages to pull of the unlikable protagonist who grows as a person MUCH better than in book of love. Also I'm a sucker for a fun scheming little kid and this movie has a fun one. It's not the best romcom I've ever seen but it's a worthwhile watch

3. Frequency- oh hey we've made it to the movies I actually think are good! Frequency is about a man who's able to communicate to his late father from 30 years ago through a ham radio. They have to solve a serial killer murder mystery together! VERY TENSE and very good!!! Also, in this movie from 1999, Andre Braugher plays a New York City cop, which is obviously very different from what he's most well known for now- a new York City cop.

2. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything,Julie Newmar- three NYC drag queens go on a road trip to try and go for a drag competition in Hollywood. They get lost and their car breaks down, getting them stuck in a small deep south town. I know the term iconic queer cinema gets thrown around a lot but like. This really is iconic queer cinema. I like to think that it's in the same universe as The Birdcage, especially bc Robin Williams shows up for a bit part. Absolutely a love letter to drag and camp written by people who obviously had been a part of that community. Fair warning this movie deals with themes of homophobia, transphobia, racism, and sexual and physical abuse, but there's a 100% happy ending, and most of the bad things are simply feared rather than happen. Highly recommend!!! (Also in a similarish vein I'd recommend best little whorehouse in Texas)

And at Number 1:

Everything, everywhere, all at once- my summary and review is just: GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!! FUCK!!!

Tagging uhhh @queenofcryptiids @atomicelixir @friendswithghosts and @harry-trumans-dishwasher

[winecupwars]

progress report: year-end edition

we went a full year without one of these funky little things, can you believe it? well let's get back into it. here's my 2022, all wrapped up :)

some neat things that happened this year:

my 28th birthday! i remember looking for songs that mention being 28 and they were all forlorn, with lyrics like "i'm 28... is it too late?" like. hello? you're in your late twenties, not turning into dust. i swear, society's obsession with being young and thinking that life ends at 30 is the cause of so much unnessary pain and worry. aging is a gift! let yourself grow old!!

first time to vote in a national election!! the one i voted for didn't win, sadly, and the one who won is an inept corrupt piece of shit who i wish would get the comeuppance he and his entire family deserves. i hate them so much. but enough about that.

my first work anniversary! as of now, this is the longest i've worked at any company. and i still like my job, amazingly. i can see myself working here for the next few years.

went through a battery of blood tests and doctors appointments, which all came down to this conclusion: i need to lose weight and fix my diet. which i am doing now! i am eating somewhat better, and exercising semi-regularly. i'm working on it.

i have a girlfriend now!!!!! we've been together a month and a few weeks as of this december hehe. i'm happy :)

i took a pottery class and realized that it's challenging and expensive. on the fence about pursuing it as a hobby, tbh

wrote some moz/ulysses stuff that i posted on ao3 and on my fallout tumblr!! drew a bunch of fallout oc art as well. finally made an oc page with all new art, for example. check it out if you want!

got my first tattoo!! it's of the skull from the skeleton on the cover of the black parade, with lyrics from famous last words. it's so nice and now i want another one. they can be addicting!

started a vinyl collection finally!!!!

wrote up an entire thing about my plans for kapitan kwek kwek, as well as a script for the first story!! i was about to draw when i got distracted by my gf ahahahahhaha

learned how to make browned butter horlicks cookies! i think they're going to be my signature cookies now.

there are definitely more things that happened that i've forgotten about lmao but those are the big ones that immediately came to mind.

as for the media that i experienced this year - i dedicated an entire notebook to it, with ratings and little blurbs of how the thing made me feel. it's cool, and i recommend doing it. reading back on those entries, i think here's my top pieces of media for this year:

book: i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy

i didn't read a lot of books this year, but this was the one that i fully enjoyed the most, despite its subject matter. after reading, i just want the best for jennette. her life has been nothing short of tragic, and she writes about it so simply and yet so impactfully.

series: amc's interview with the vampire

there were soooo many good shows that i watched this year. our flag means death, the bear, abbott elementary, arcane, etc etc, but this one. this one. kept me on the edge of my seat for the few weeks it was on air. my cousins and i were hooked! it's doing its own thing and that's what makes it a great adaptation. best show of the year, by a mile.

movie: nocebo (2022) dir. lorcan finnegan

i watched this with my girlfriend in the cinema, during the qcinema festival. i honestly only wanted to watch it because i was curious about whether it'll be racist towards filipinos, but surprisingly, it wasn't! it's a filipino-irish (!) film that is ugh so good and so subtle and so magical and heavy. justice for all kentex workers, and for all workers like them, who are being paid poverty wages and worked to the bone in terrible conditions, all for foreign bosses who could not care less about thier wellbeing. we will have our justice.

album: the loneliest time by carly rae jepsen

it was a toss-up between this, laurel hell by mitski, and dance fever by florence and the machine, but in the end, carly rae jepsen's pop masterpiece won. it's just fun, and more of carly's signature pop flavor. top three songs: sideways, bends, and bad thing twice. though, honestly? all songs are top-tier.

-

i'm happy to be doing this again! i need to get back in the groove of writing, to be honest. and what is the point of a blog if i don't, well, blog? so. here. see you all again in a week!

[whateveryousay04]

I just finished watching Midsommar (2019) for the first time and I spent a little bit of time watching YouTube videos about the film and I saw one particular person who kept commented that Christian(the boyfriend of the protagonist) was abusive and I seriously can’t stand such a claim.

I have been thinking about how for a while now, I have noticed that people on the internet will defend others people who said something that let’s say, doesn’t depict their current or more often past partner as the best fairytale by calling the partner toxic when maybe they do not know what even happened at all. While sometimes I see the bad in the other andI could even call them a red flag, I do not just throw around that word unlike others who say it at the littlest misunderstanding and I know very well that relationships and people aren’t perfect and everything needs to be worked on. Some things aren’t even bad, the person just wanted it to be different.

In a few words, people will 50-70% side with the person of which they see the point of view only and that is common also in arts such as music(video or lyrics), performing arts(cinema,television,theatre), written text, audiobooks, painting and sculpture representations even. Unfortunately many side with the protagonist regardless and rarely we see people seeing some sense in the actions of other characters. Unsurprisingly,it happened in this film too but what I do not understand is that as much as Christian was not the main character, he still was one of the most important ones and we got to see a ton of him.

And what have we seen from him?: That he has been doing as much as possible to help his girlfriend from the literal beginning of the film and even when he wanted to break up with her, he cared for her and had the intention to help her get over her though time for at least a bit before breaking up with her. The only 2 mistakes from him were not telling her directly that he was going on a trip beforehand and not cover her eyes when the village was sacrificing the 2 elders (but I understand that he was shocked himself and I was actually quite angry that the other friends didn’t move either,but they were all probably traumatized in that moment). He always cared for her and her well-being. The only thing that was putting their relationship at risk was that Dani was starting to become a lot for him to deal with. He obviously knew that it wasn’t her fault and helped her but it seems like it was by then a “normal” thing that happened and he has a mental health to maintain too. Didn’t we start talking more about how it is valid to not have to help others with their mental illness 24/7 ,especially when they didn’t ask beforehand and drop everything without thinking that the other should at least be aware that they are about to start talking about a certain topic that could be upsetting or triggering to some people? Not everyone can and should be a therapist to others! The same way she was suffering of trauma , he was suffering of burnout.

Christian was always there for her and he is actually a goal partner. Just because he didn’t love her as much as before or because he is a human being like her with a mental health to maintain and not a machine, it doesn’t mean that he was uncaring of Dani at all! He even asked her to come with him and his friends and tried to stick with her anytime to make her feel comfortable. “You don’t have to do this” “It’s fine, I can come with you” “I will accompany you to this walk” “Do you want me to come?” He literally said stuff like that at least 6 times in the film!

Christian was one of the most caring boyfriends I have ever seen portrayed on the screen and he deserves recognition for that. Get yourself a partner like him.

I will absolutely not accept any Christian Huges slander by anyone who is forcing the vision of him as a villain just because he wasn’t the dreamy fairytale boyfriend with no character and feelings of his own and not exclusively of his girlfriends’ and simply was maybe the right person at the wrong time or just not the right person (but definitely one of the best!) for her like Dani’s friend mentioned at the beginning of the film. I actually like that both Dani and Christian took consideration of the other even though everything was a bit messy. She knew that everything was too much for him to handle and that if anything, he might not be the perfect match for that matter because soon or later, he will also have a limit like her. Her friend didn’t even put it in a passive way, she said the truth. They wouldn’t even need to do some kind of “fight” because there wouldn’t be any hard feelings aside from malinchony.

Also, if the whole Midsommar sacrificial rites didn’t happen and it was more…less sacrificial, maybe they could have continued their relationship until a possible engagement in the future (1+ years) or she would have at least came back with a fresher mind. Because he definitely stood with her until the end and she quite recognized that from him. They definitely both wanted to continue the relationship.

-I dislike that he tried to steal his friends’ idea as soon as he saw how unorthodox and interesting everything was but I don’t blame him for being a student and take the opportunity as soon as he found it. He was a bit dictating to his friend tough.

-Some people will say that he forgot about her birthday by it may be a cultural vision from me but it isn’t a huge matter at all. Maybe it would have been nice but as he said himself, there was a lot going on in that period of time and he was clearly stressed too. Forgetting a date isn’t abusive.

[holdinbacksecrets]

hi!!! this is the first time i ever write you hehe. this is not a suggestion, btw, but i just came here to say that number 1. i adore your writing. there's some extracts of your writings that i simply cannot get over. i have screenshoots of them, and i have even sent them to a chat that i have with myself where i have beautiful poetry and romantic dialogues. that's how much i adore your writing hehe.

anyways, my undeniable liking towards every work you drop it's not the reason why i'm here.

i was hearing this song for the first time, "summer child" by conan gray (btw, this is not a recommendation, so you don't have to hear it hehe), and there's this line (part of the first verse) that says "Your favorite color is green; it reminds you of the summer you turned three."

I'm pretty sure that green isn't your favorite color for that, but i know that green is your favorite color, and when i read that lyric, i just thought about you, and i thought "wow, i have to tell her that i thought about her" because that line simply screams you. so i guess you could say that i was just thinking about you (as little freak, our anthem. cinema, daydreaming and little freak are also part of my top 3 of harry's house, so i was quite surprised that we matched on that, but what can i say? even your music taste is immaculate).

anyways, that was it. i know that this text was pretty long, (sorry about that), but i just wanted to share that little piece of you i found in the song, and also to finally tell you how much i adore your writing and your innate talent with words. thanks for reading this long text hehe, greetings!

oh anon 🥺🥺🥺 geez louise my heart is melting

i don’t even… how does one reply to these words? knowing things i’ve written have left enough of an impression on you to save them with other poetry you enjoy… i feel so thankful and joyful. dreamy too if that even makes sense

the lyrics 😭 i’ve never heard this song, but i feel like my heart skipped a beat as i read it. i’ll have to listen to it and see how i feel when i hear the words sung. i’m such a green enthusiast lol

thank you for sharing this with me. your decision to do so makes me feel connected and grounded. perhaps a love language i appreciate is ‘this made me think of you’ >.<

oh cinema, my darling. i adore that track so much. the lyrics in little freak are golden, and daydreaming makes me so happy

don’t apologize for the length of your message! thank you sincerely for sharing everything you did with me. i feel all warm now 🫶 adding another thank you for your kind words about my writing. positive feedback feels so sweet and makes me excited to continue creating and sharing on my blog🖤

p.s. thank you for noticing my love for green

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 1st September

A new school year begins, and we have two songs, both promising-looking. One's by an artist we've seen before recently, the other by an artist who (excitingly) I've never even heard of! And it's a woman! We've had quite a long run of men for the last few weeks, so it's nice to get a female voice in there.

Indian Love Call - Slim Whitman (peaked at Number 7)

The name and artist both say "Western theme" to me. I did enjoy Rose Marie, though, and "Indian Love Call" definitely doesn't rule out more of the same kind of vibe, with lots of yodelling and general romantic softness, rather than heartbreak and recriminations. It's an evocative title, and I feel like Slim is more than capable of doing it justice.

Oh, yeah, we start straight away with a yodelling "ooOOOOooo" going up and down. I think this is meant to sound "Indian" (aka Native American) which is probably insulting in many ways, but it is certainly a striking way to start out a song.

Actually, between that and the strummy guitar and weird yowling steel guitar, you've got a delightfully weird soundscape. It's country-tinged, but in a particularly odd, lo-fi way that you wouldn't be hugely surprised to find in some modern and slightly folksy indie track. I think the slight feedback from the mic Slim's singing into on the highest notes maybe feeds into that, too. Either way, it's very distinctive. I can only imagine this drifting out of a radio in 1955.

The lyrics are pretty straightforward, all about how the singer is calling to win over his love. Lots of questioning: When I'm calling you / Will you answer too? Slim's yodelling out into the void and hoping his lover responds in kind. Fair enough.

Interestingly, it's from the same operetta that Rose-Marie was from, which was all about a French Canadian girl who falls for a miner. No "Indian" characters in sight, but apparently this comes from an overture section that sets the scene, and is supposedly referring to a myth about indigenous Canadians calling down from the hills into the valleys to attract the girls they wished to marry. I'm not finding any sources for this, and given that the operetta was from 1924, I suspect that this is of dubious veracity, but it gives an excuse for some pretty cool yodelling, I guess. Of its time, though, for sure.

Ooh, Wikipedia tells me this was used in Wes Anderson's Asteroid City, and yeah, I can see Wes Anderson enjoying the vibe of this particular version. It's weird, and striking, and very much a janky, whimsical artefact from a specific time and place. I need to watch that film, at some point - I almost went when it was in cinemas, but Barbie was also playing. A film whose music will not be showing up for much, much longer!

The Breeze and I - Caterina Valente (5)

Caterina Valente has an excitingly non-British-sounding name, is my first thought, and a bit of research does indeed tell me that she is a multilingual Italian-French star, so that's kind of cool! I'm hoping for a bit of European charm - writing this not too long after Eurovision, I feel like that's not too much to ask!

The opening is certainly full-on and jazzy, with all its trumpets, and then we settle into an extravagant Spanish-sounding flamenco opening, all strummy guitar and Caterina singing a very dramatic, melismatic "la la la la-ah-ah-ah" opening. I could be in deepest Andalucia, right now. Even better, it's followed by some dramatic castanets and fast clapping, and some tumbling, shrill strings. This is camp as heck, and I am here for its energy.

And then, almost as suddenly as it started, it slips into another mode, all clave rhythms and cha-cha-cha muted brass, as Caterina sings about how The breeze and I are saying with a sigh / That you no longer care. Basically, Caterina's love has fallen out of love with her, and her and the wind are in agreement about how sad this is. There's a lot of poetic imagery here, all about how their loved seemed constant as the moon, but is left Ending in a strange, mournful tune. It's again very dramatic and lavish.

Still, you get the sense that this song is less about the specific lyrics and more about the spectacle of it all, hence a break in the middle of it all where Caterina just goes ham on a load of "ooooooooh" notes, singing spectrally high and sliding between the notes in a particularly eerie, echoey way. It's not actually a far cry from the higher-pitched bits of Slim's song, so perhaps high notes were just the thing, this week.

When I mentioned Eurovision, I didn't really expect too much, but genuinely, I reckon this could do reasonably well as a modern Eurovision song, with only a few updates to suit it to modern tastes. And to be fair, the song was originally a massive hit, by the look of things, and was covered by a bunch of people. The internation flavour maybe also comes from its origins - originally a song from Cuban composter Ernesto Lecuona's Suite Andalucía, it was both Latin-influenced and had some deliberate Andalucian vibes, though it was an American who adapted the originally Spanish lyrics into English. So there's that classic Eurovision mix, you know?

Well, neither of those songs were boring. I'm not 100% I liked either of them, but they sure weren't boring, and despite being entirely different songs, they did share a bit of a vibe, with the high-pitched singing and the attempts at an "exotic" kind of style.

Favourite song of the bunch: The Breeze and I