#this actually happened to me before | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunflawyer · 7 months

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just woke up from a bad dream where i found people on twt mocking my selfship and calling it 'cheating' and 'bland'.

wow, this just brings back my trauma.

awful.

#🐤mayo's diary #mayo.txt #this actually happened to me before #and just when i think im ready to let go of the trauma... i got this nightmare.#god... leave me alone please..#im just. scared i woke up almost crying

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inkskinned · 1 year

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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hinamie · 1 month

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quick itfs sketch page

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fushiita #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuuji #megumi #fr some reason it's rare fr me to b happy with monochrome pieces so i am combatting tht general dislike by making it itfs #harder 2 dislike smth when it's a bunch of sketches of my ship kissing #oh ya threw in some good ol Corner Angst also bc i ended up not wanting 2 draw a third kiss dsfhjshdsdfjg #doing this got me thinking about tht one itfs piece i did back in april #captioned smth smth 'im on an itafushi kick'#n how that was like. the piece that opened the floodgates n made me realize how actually insane i am abt them #before it was just a casual Yeah This Ship Is Cute ill draw for it when the mood strikes #then after doing tht draws i ws like wait a minute whats happening to me #now here i am 5 months later completely emotionally dependent on these 2 traumatized 15 year olds #anyway this sheet is kind of an homage 2 the other one :'> how far ive come. how far theyve come. they make me ill every waking hour

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t4t4t · 2 months

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Hi !

I got bottom surgery on July 25th :3

I'm recovering well but I'll be on bedrest for a while. Collie and I will need rent help for September/food/gas/utilities/etc. Two disabled trans women. Anything helps ! Thank yall so much for all you've helped so far, it's saved my life ❤️

https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose

https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose

https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore

#leah is still her legal name #her mom helps w us having a phone at all and can sometimes help but never a full months rent help so thats def the most pressing matter #but we already paid august rent and we have a month so we'll probably be fine #actually still havent paid utilities :/#i was wondering if more donations would happen since the surgery date and apparently not #got three the day of and two the day before but we're at 70 rn after all the gas of dropping me off and visiting twice or smth.#idk. stupid van. she should be taking public transit but i get why she doesnt want to. barely anyone masks on public transit here anymore :/#edit update: collies mom helped us pay utilities for last month which was mostly the electricity bill. water bill comes every 3 months #so i guess we'll see how much that is.

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naomistares · 4 months

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mini comic about a kinda freaky terrible queen and the nonsensical takes she has about the times people have tried to kill her

(more thoughts in notes)

UP NEXT! ANOTHER short comic, (and then one more) this time taking place one month before the kings death, in which we will have: one annoying prince! one lousy fight scene! rejoice's dismissive nature! and row reveals a secret.... tune in next time for all that

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choccy-milky · 2 months

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congrats on baby #2!🥰👍 part 2 to this post bc seb is a smug ass bitch when it comes to getting clora pregnant. and ty @rednite-dork for sending me the original pic ages ago LMFAO... i knew as soon as i saw it that i had to redraw it eventually 👼

#anne 1000% took the picture LMFAO......lewis-induced vomiting #i wanted to have the design of their kids out before drawing this since seb has to be holding their firstborn....widdle chubby ceweste #choccyart #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x oc #sebastian sallow x mc #clora clemons #hogwarts legacy #also ive started on the seb and clora as curse breakers oneshot🥰im still only on the outline and still ironing things out but #im excited to start writing it hehe......protective adult seb does stuff to me....🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️#the premise is them investigating a town that has a bunch of strange occurrences going on that might be bc of a cursed object #AND THATS ALL ILL SAY..............clora living her sherlock life fr #OMG WAIT thats actually a cute idea LMFAO i should legit have clora try to channel sherlock when shes investigating BAHAHA😭😭#if anyone has any ideas/things theyd wanna see abt them as adults on the job lmk send me an ask/anon or reply im open to suggestions #the oneshot is gonna be pretty lighthearted and slice of life so #tho there IS a smut scene at like the very beginning that i wasnt planning on BAHAHA but thats just what happens when u write seb...😮‍💨

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blu-ish · 1 month

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Woah, Sonic 3 leaked storyboards? 😨

#my art #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonadow #<—- if u squint trust trust #sonic movie 3 #SA2 #decided to do some doodles before college officially starts for me again 😭#kinda messy but we vibe >:3 #fav #CHAT I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL LEAKS HAPPENING RN SO ERMMM LOOK AWAY PARAMOUNT 💀💀💀

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kurikorso · 3 months

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oh shit look who it is!!

please click him for better quality

#aoex #rin okumura #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist is my favorite manga i can't believe i've ever posted anything for it before #i found some really old fanart i made when i was prolly like 9 and it made me pick the books up again #there are 30 now?? when did that happen #i physically can't watch season 3. why is rin so ugly #also sorry for not posting for um. 4 months. my winter break was so shit i kinda lost all motivation for a while #i had to work my way back up to actual stuff on the computer #anyways aoex was like formative media for me. so many of my character designs had/still have elements from the show in them somewhere #all my rat

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claraoswalds · 3 months

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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition

#dwedit #doctor who #mrs flood #fifteenth doctor #the master #jacobi!master #tenth doctor #jack harkness #martha jones #twelfth doctor #ninth doctor #*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor #instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too #so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her #it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on #ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years #bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe #later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before #so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby #to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....

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myassuter · 3 months

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"LOST" - An YGO fancomic (read from left to right)

Thank you @paesthethyc for helping me with the translation and giving me feedback to improve the drafts!!

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nuclearanomaly · 5 months

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He didn't get the memo...

#ffxiv #Ninira Nira #Estinien #Estinien Wyrmblood #Estinien Varlineau #wolstinien #Y'shtola Rhul #G'raha Tia #woo! managed to finish my haha the gang enjoying chill dawntrail time comic before dawntrail comes out #the comic that I guess maybe could be considered a lore drop lmao #I mentioned this in passing recently and so many people came to scream WHAT at me #teehee :^)#it's okay graha you're not the only one (clearly)#and if I had done this right there would have been a comic before this one actually lmao #but maybe I can make that one happen too (doubt) (hopeful)#technically my brain says there should be a part 3 follow up to this too but we will see #art: mine

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insertsomthinawesome · 1 year

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[requests are closed] Anon i'm sorry this is so late I finished these months ago. I meant to draw more but never got around to it UUUH. SORRY SLDKJSLDGKJSD I love them so much. I need to draw them more. ;;v;;

-NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-

#isa doobles requests #isa's fanart #insertsomthinawesome #October2023 #Twisted wonderland #twst #Cater Diamond #Trey Clover #twst cater #twst trey #i desperately need more of their awkward 'we were best friends but then riddle happened and now we pretend like everything is okay #while secretly knowing nothing i okay' dynamic #Trey is that bestie who does not do social media so whenever you need it you can give him all the tea SLDFKJSDLKJGSD #I'd actually drawn cater before this. But like. Never posted it WHEEZE #that's happened a lot with twst actually go figure.#I DREW THIS AGES AGO.... LIKE. BACK IN APRIL OR SOMETHING.#PROBABLY LATER THAN THAT #ANON I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST. I LIED TO MYSELF THINKING I'D FIND TIME TO DRAW MORE #NO. I WAS BOO BOO THE FOOL

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north-noire · 5 months

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Charlie 🌧️

William in the rain with Charlie, in the year 1978. He's just walking her to the playground for Henry, but it turns out to be an unexpected rainy day for the both of them. Ask Game Link Here

#stay tuned for a part 2 of this post (puts head in hands)#drawing years before whatever bad stuff happens makes me actually sob #hidden hands au #fnaf au #north-noire asks #william afton #charlie emily #charlotte emily #fnaf william afton #fnaf charlie emily #fnaf charlotte emily #fnaf purple guy #five nights at freddy's #five nights at freddy's fanart #fnaf fanart #digital art #my art #artists on tumblr

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bread-wizards · 1 month

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I actually think Dorian and Orym should fight more.

Remember when their slowly building tension over and entire episode (full of passive aggressive remarks and blame throwing) led to threats? And how after, Orym thanked Dorian for handing over the crown sadly because he knew Dorian would be mad at him? And Dorian couldn't even look at him because he was legitimately hurt, thinking Orym was disappointed in him for doing what he thought was right? That was peak.

The fact they went from that to their current closeness and trust is the best part of their entire dynamic. Their relationship was hard fought and still will be. They will fight for it because they respect and care for one another deeply, and their disagreements don't change that, only improve it.

#critical role #cr3 #orym #dorian #dorym #text post #cr discourse #'dorian deserved that actually and is being stupid by agreeing with ludinus'#'orym was too mean and needs to be quiet about his trauma'#just say you don't understand their characters #or that they are characters #you don't have to agree with them. they can make decisions you wouldn't make and disagree with #its good tv regardless #dorian didnt deserve that and orym was too harsh #dorian needed to be reminded of the consequences of indulging those ideas and viewpoints and orym is tired of this discussion happening #these things can coexist #neither of them have the whole picture here. we can't judge them based off of what we as viewers know #dorian didn't see first hand what the ruby vanguard has done. only what the spider queen did so thats on his mind more than anything #orym didnt see first hand (nor hear many details) about opal and cyrus. only what the vanguard has been doing to them for months #let them bicker and argue #its the best part #only going near the discourse because i have been waiting years for more of this and bitches on twitter are complaining about it #and often from people who don't even like orym (or sometimes dorian). go back to ignoring them and let me enjoy this moment in peace #i know i am adding to the discourse but i needed to find other people who want more dorym relationship drama before we get more fluff

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halorvic · 4 months

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#sars cov 2 #covid 19 #i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke #(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital #bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH #and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters #for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic #you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at #'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask #so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business #ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals #due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability #we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making #anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke #covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point #also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc

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kaiserouo · 1 month

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if ordan karris wanna complete that sentence does that mean he also likes us?

#i mean. the ordan part can control what sentence he wanna hijack right?#hmm #after seeing so much dialogue from his quote page i really wanna see the ordan part inside ordis actually has major impact in canon #and not just to roast parvos. i absolutely love that part but i hope i can see more than that #also makes me wonder how much details in his quote implies what would happen later in the game #like. idk how long ordis has been calling us the operator but i guess it's definitely before the second dream #and i also guess people would understand it as the operator of orbiter or something and not about #...that #yeah that kind of detail #does that count as a spoiler?#what am i talking about this whole post IS a spoiler #but i don't actually wanna tag my each and every post as spoiler tho #cephalon fragment has existed for years so i guess im just gonna... keep. not tagging that. yeah #warframe #warframe ordis #warframe ordan karris #my art

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