#this comic always gets me sobbing i only went back to reread so i could collect these panels to reference for my animatic

[timbourinedrake]

Reading Batman: Son of the demon and crying over what we could've had,,,,,,they were so happy together,,,,,

And then getting absolutely devastated by these panels

I will never emotionally recover

[springgirlwaiting4fall]

Can I request getting into a serious argument with Ethan Page? That's almost ending the relationship, but him and reader make it work out in the end?

If you don't want to write it for Ethan, you can choose whoever really. I just need the drama.

Love you!

One Love you Sweet Tits

Two Oh my god, I am so surprised, basically stunned that you requested an angst idea. I legit had no idea.

Have I told you lately that you are the bestest! I am so nervous about this one….

I meet Ethan Page at a comic/retro Toy Store when we were both only 22 years old. He was spending his 1st professional wrestling pay check on a vintage green power ranger action figure and I was picking out a birthday gift for my brother. We became fast friends, both too shy too admit we wanted more. It wasn’t until his 25th birthday where I kissed him after my second glass of wine. And we have been happily together ever since.

I guess I should say were happy together, I still love Ethan and I know he loves me. Things have been off lately and not getting better. He’s been distracted, distracted with wrestling, his vlogs, his patreon, and his social media. And I feel like he is slowly fading me out, but I thought it was all in my head. My 30th birthday is only a couple of days away and Ethan will be home. MY Ethan who still loves birthday and always goes all out for me. Even when I was still in school and Ethan was driving all over in the independents making pennies he still made it special.

The day of my birthday, he slept in and when he woke up told me he was going to film for a toy hunt. I bite my lip and told him I would see him soon. It’s a surprise party, I thought to myself, he remembered months ago me telling him I never had a surprise birthday. Hours past, but I kept myself busy. Curling my hair, perfecting my outfit, and working on my makeup.

Than I got a text. “Going to lunch and heading to the gym with the boys. Bring you home dinner tonight.” He was really trying to get me over. so I waited even longer with my book. At 530 Ethan walked in with five guys. He gave me a kiss and went to take a shower. It threw me off. But maybe the party was after dinner more of a drink and desert affair. Ethan came down from his shower in his sweats and beat up T-shirt. “Want to binge watch a show?”

I couldn’t reply back. Could Ethan really have forgotten my birthday. I remember nodding and him putting something on the tv, but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you what is was. I just remember watching the clock on my phone, rereading happy birthday texts from friends and family, and finally watching Ethan fall asleep.

12:01am it was official Ethan had forgotten my birthday. I didn’t know what to do. I was confused, angry , but I mostly felt like my heart was pulled out of me. I stood up, walked to the bedroom , and just started throwing clothes, Toiletries, and my phone charger in my suitcase. I gave Ethan one last look hoping he would wake up and it was just a terrible joke. He didn’t and It wasn’t, so I picked up my handbag and keys.

There was only one place I could go. I called you and you picked up on the second ring. I had to pull over because I was crying so hard, but you put two and two together. I pulled into your driveway, the front porch and living room light was on. You had the door open for me and I fell into you sobbing. At some point Cash woke up confused and concerned, he asked “Should I call Dax?”

The next day I couldn’t eat and wouldn’t talk. I heard you on the phone with Ethan. You coldly told him “Check the date asshole,” before hanging up on him.

He kept trying to call and message me. I blocked him. Ethan showed up at your house. You went out there and gave him hell for me since I still couldn’t stop crying.

A week past Cash would never say anything but he wanted his home back. Plus I needed to get my life back in order. I waited until Wednesday and moved the rest of my stuff out. By Friday I found a studio apartment, it wasn’t perfect but it would work.

I knew I needed to speak to Ethan though, I had to face him and end this the right way.

I had him meet me at a park in between my old home and the new place. Ethan looked absolutely destroyed and it broke my heart. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to laugh at his pain. But I couldn’t. I still loved him.

When we made eye contact, I watched as Ethan folded in half, tears were streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry.” He kept repeating those three words each time was like a stab in my stomach. I wanted to tell him it was okay, I forgive you. But I didn’t because I didn’t.

“What can I do?” Ethan was pleading with me. Gone was the happy, toy collecting, confident man.

I took a shaky breath. “You forget my birthday Ethan. I don’t even know if I can forgive you or that any of this is fixable.”

He takes my hands and holds onto them. “I will delete all the vlogs and social medias. Cancel the patreon.” Ethan’s dark brown eyes are filled with tears. “I will quit wrestling if you want me too. Find a 9to5 job.” I can feel his hands trembling. “Please, please give me another chance. I don’t have anything without you.”

I let go of Ethan’s hand. “I would never have you quit wrestling or give up on your dreams. But What you did destroyed me Ethan. We can’t go back.”

Could I move on and never see him again? Yes. I could survive, but my heart would never heal. “But we can try to move forward together.”

It’s looks like Ethan wants to kiss me, but everything is still raw. So Instead he wraps me in a hug and whispers in my ear how sorry he is and how I won’t regret this. And I know deep down that I won’t.

[mrcspectr]

Okay I'm going to sound like a raging lunatic here and you do not have to respond to this in any way, but I just wanna gush at you for a moment.

I've been a Moon Knight fan for years and I always felt like I was alone clutching my Moon Knight comics in the back while everyone else was gushing about the Avengers or Batman or something bigger. It was fine that I had no one to fan out with because it was my little niche. When they announced the show I was terrified. What if it was wrong? What if it was bad? Would people like it? Would I suddenly loose my own personal little niche?

Oh? Oscar Issac is Marc? Okay. I like him. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Not gonna lie, I went into episode one with the most suspicious eyes. Watching Steven bumble his way through his day was cute. Then seeing Steven wake up in the field, wave at people, and just try to figure out wtf was going on...I was sold on that little bucket of sunshine. Then seeing Marc in episode 3 actually fight on the roof and I was sold on that little mess of a dense mac truck trying to plow his way through life at top speed. And every scene with implied Jake had me screaming.

I'm not going to tell you how many times I've re-watched each episode, but it's a lot. And that isn't even mentioning the scenes that get unloaded to youtube... Or that episode 5 had me laid out sobbing for three hours straight at 3am.

THE POINT. The point I'm badly trying to get to is that I've been burned on fandom before. I need more Moon Knight. I have been clutching at straws for years and now it's everywhere and I am jumping into the ocean of content and it still isn't enough. But there are so many bad takes or people with views I don't agree with.

When I found your blog, your ability to dissect down a scene or characteristic or take was so lovely. I sent you an anonymous ask and you actually responded and it felt like at last I could have a conversation about Moon Knight. Cause otherwise I'm just sitting here yelling about it to my small dog.

Long and embarrassing note cut short: Your blog makes me happy and I love all your takes and you are the only one I feel comfortable gushing to about Moon Knight. So thank you for making my day so much better. Also your fic was wonderful. Also fuck that guy who felt the need to come at you. Like, let people enjoy things. If they don't like how you enjoy it then fuck off.

K I'm embarrassed now.

I.. have been reading and rereading this for what feels like hours. Honestly. I wish I had something better to say. I wish I had more to say.

I was pretty hesitant to share what I'd written here for awhile, just because I didn't start out with the source material. I watched the show first, like many people did, and then started digging deep into the comics. I'm still finding issues I haven't read yet, information I wasn't aware of before. Personally, I don't think it should really matter when you found your interest, or even how, just that you have it. Because we're all just out here loving the story for what it is, at its core. But the internet doesn't always work like that, you know?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it makes me happy that people, especially people that have loved Moon Knight for a long time, enjoy what I have to say. I love these boys, and I love this story, and I'll probably keep talking about it for a long time. But genuinely, thank you so, so much for being here and saying this. It means the world.

[carriagelamp]

February 2020 Book Review

The Last Wish / Sword Of Destiny

Let’s start with the books that currently have me in a stranglehold. I apologize to everyone that actually follows me and watched me descend into fandom pits but whatcha gonna do. So, I was aware of the video game when it came out, but not being a prolific gamer I was intrigued but never bothered getting into it. Then the Netflix series came out, and I was again intrigued... but I suck at sitting down and watching shows. So what the heck I decided, it’s probably mediocre hypermasculine high fantasy but let’s try a book to see what the fuss is all about.

Good god. Guys. It’s real good. And so fucking different from the show. Geralt is actually a really emotional, well-meaning guy who’s starved for positive social interactions and is just trying to do his best. And the books’ consistent themes of colonialism, environmental destruction, forced extinction, and changing eras is... chilling and fascinating and honestly a little too relatable at times. These books have made me laugh and shout and frankly sob. Still a little sexist, cause 90s fantasy, but Geralt is so not the gruff, heartless, manly man character I thought he would be. I am so deeply into these and have just cracked the spine of the next book in the series. If you like high fantasy, I can’t recommend these enough.

The Silver Eyes

I just learnt that there were Five Nights At Freddy’s books, and honestly picked this up from the library as a joke for my brother. We’d played the games back when they first came out, and were into the lore, but lbr they’re more of a meme at this point. Anyway, we ended up reading this out loud to each other, a chapter a night, and I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Probably wouldn’t have liked it as much on my own, but the main character was complicated and messy, and the book’s way or portraying trauma was neat. It was nominally horror, and did have the occasional chilling moment, or times it was fun to speculate, it over all it was pretty run of the mill middle grade fiction.

FRNK

Probably the best graphic novel I’ve read this month. 

I was howling with laughter while I read it. Good quality Belgium comics, always a treat. This story is about a modern day boy, Frank, who is accidentally thrown back into prehistoric times, where he’s stuck with a bunch of cavemen who haven’t invented the concept of vowels yet. Admittedly my French isn’t great, so it made trying to decipher words with half the letters missing a challenge to say the least, but plenty worth it. I really want to get my hands on book two. I believe there’s an English translation, and I’d recommend giving it a try.

Best Friends

A neat little graphic novel that addresses common growing up issues, about what it means to be friends, stay friends, how to cope with people changing and when it’s time to walk away. Anxiety, being yourself, fitting in, all that sort of stuff. It’s a quick read, very pleasant, and has nice art.

Karen’s Witch

Another cute graphic novel with charming art. I read this at the store while I was waiting for a prescription to be filled. It’s about this five year old (or thereabouts) who is absolutely determined that her neighbour is a witch and by god she is going to prove it or at least scare herself and her friend silly in the process. A fun little read!

Endling: The First

The second book in the Endling series, and all my praise for the first book apply here as well. A super unique high fantasy that gives extinct and threatened species a voice. The book explore themes of war, environmental destruction, sacrifice and loss. You really get to see how much Byx has grown and how much she needs to continue to grow. This book has me so excited for the third, I haven’t read such an emotionally rewarding quest novel in a long time.

Bleach

I found out my library has a billion books of this series and decided to jump into it again for the first time in over a decade. Honestly it’s even better than I remembered? The art is absolutely stunning, Ichigo is such a power fantasy hero, and it’s one of those series with a lot of really loveable characters and a lot of heart. Ichigo is a good guy who you actually feel good liking, which can’t be said for all shonen protags by any means. This is just such a classic and it holds up man. And if you like manga and have never read it? Jump in and enjoy a normal human getting supernatural powers and kicking absolutely enormous monsters’ asses.

Dinotopia: Sabertooth Mountain

This was my favourite Dinotopia book as a kid, and it was still fun to reread. The world of Dinotopia is one separate from the rest of the world, where humanity lives in perfect harmony with many prehistoric creatures that have managed to survive and evolve on the island of Dinotopia. This story is about a crisis brewing, as the sabertooths are cut off from their food supply and are in danger of not only starving but of bringing death to the rest of the mountain as well. While surveying the situation with his older sister, the main character finds himself falling from the airship in the middle of a storm, directly into the valley of starving sabertooths.

I read a bunch of this author’s graphic novels, and they are such feel-good queer lit. This was probably my favourite of the lot, but I also read Tea Dragon Society, Aquicorn Cove, and Princess Princess Ever After. Taking place in a picturesque mountain community, it’s about a girl meeting a guardian dragon who accidentally fell asleep in the mountains a century ago rather than watch over the village like intended. It’s about coming to terms with and loving yourself (and also about super cute little tea dragons).

Just Jaime

Another story that focuses on the complications of middle school, and how friends can grow and change, and when sometimes friendships become toxic and cruel. These are novel/graphic novel hybrids that are very visually appealing, and really do manage to tell very heartfelt stories. This one takes a side character from the earlier two books, and turns her from a very one dimensional, somewhat annoying character, into a fully realized person with her own issues and her own need for growth.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up / The Life-Changing Manga Of Tidying Up

Given that I’m not really a non-fiction person and DEFINITELY not a self-help book person, I really enjoyed these (though I didn’t read Spark Joy). I read the manga first, out of curiosity, but enough of it struck true that I decided to try the book as well. Have I cleaned anything up yet? No. But honestly, I can genuinely say that despite being repetitive at points I do truly feel like I got a lot of good out of it, and I feel much more excited and prepared when I do decide to do a big clean next. It really does reframe the relationship you have with your belongings and with yourself. I genuinely love the concept of “sparking joy”.

Bigfoot Boy: The Sound Of Thunder

Technically the last book of the series, whoops. Though honestly having read it I didn’t feel like I missed that much. It’s a Canadian graphic novel and I had... mixed feelings about it. Interesting and exciting in some ways, but the pacing was odd, and honestly I don’t think indigenous voices went into making it (I could be wrong but...) and it reads as kinda... eugh. Problematic. Having a none indigenous author write about a white boy being the guardian of a first nation totem and turning into a bigfoot isn’t a super cool optic.

Bloodchild

I was told “hey this is a really fucked up short story” so I read it, and guess what? It was a really fucked up short story. Would recommend if you want weird alien sex slavery bullshit-- it was a wild ride. And the overall themes obviously went a lot deeper than that, but honestly, it’s like a few dozen pages long if you wanna dig into all the philosophical shit, just give it a read! Uh, heavy content warning, tw tw tw, but a really bizarre, unsettling look at gender and power dynamics and oppression through a scifi lens.

Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIHM

I hadn’t read this book since elementary school so I reread it on a whim. It really is such a charming story. As far as animal stories go, this feels almost like the platonic ideal. Mother mouse is worried about her sick son and winds up compelled to seek out the mysterious rats who live in the rosebush for help, and is not only thrust into her own adventure but learns about the strange past her late husband shared with the rats of NIMH. It’s such a relaxing read, while still managing to be exciting and compelling.

Exploring According to Og the Frog

And one last animal story to round us off. I’d read one of the Humphrey books last month, and check out a couple more from the library for fun. I didn’t enjoy Mysteries According to Humphrey that much, but this one was charming, showing the world through Humphrey’s frog friend Og instead. The same charming type of adventure, but being a frog, Og has a very different attitude and view of the world, which was fun. Very cute elementary kid lit.

[shellheadtm-a]

alright, y'all, fuck it, i'm not going back and rereading civil war again bc it literally breaks me every goddamn time bc my stupid ass will literally always reread the confession and the road to civil war, and leads to me rereading iron man: director of shield, which also breaks me, which makes me read secret invasion and dark reign, which makes me read fraction's run, which makes me-

you get the idea.

but let's.  let's talk about this a minute.  i'm not gonna rehash the entire comic civil war here, it's a lot, but you should read it if you haven't.  it's a big turning point in the 616 world and leads almost directly to the current state of things as they stand today.  you should read it.  period.  if you're mcu be prepared for a bigger gut punch than anything the films gave you, i sob like a fucking baby every time i read fallen son and the confession.  and...the end of the brain wipe, which i'll also get to here in a minute, when tony starts filling himself in on what he's missing.  it's different.  it's bigger, but more contained (as in us-based only).  it's nastier.  and it drags on a hell of a lot longer than what amounts to one fight in a walmart parking lot, i'm talking months.  there is no nomad bullshit in this (steve hasn't picked up nomad in a very, very long time and the circumstances were different).  what i'm saying is, civil war literally divided and tore the entire us superhero community apart.  people that were friends were suddenly on opposite sides of the debate.  it didn't just tear apart tony and steve, think of carol and jess.  think of peter parker caught in the middle.  think of all the people who loved tony and steve equally and found themselves torn on who to support.  think of sue and reed, and johnny and ben, who were all over the board and nearly ripped their family apart permanently over it.

civil war was no bullshit.  it hit hard.  it hit fast.  people died.  it left the superhero community in complete tatters.

so let's get going.

extremis:  there are things concerning this i want to touch on.  one:  steve rogers did not like extremis.  this isn't fanon, he vocally was displeased about what tony had done to himself.  he thought it made tony strange.  distant.  more machine than man. (he wasn't really wrong in some ways.)  but something i really want to point in connection with it, outside of execute program which is a nice move into civil war, is that...tony never once really used it to find the rogue avengers.  not once, not really.  he had access to every camera, every satellite, every...digital anything.  he had the upper ground there.  and yet, somehow, the new avengers always managed to mostly stay free.  funny, huh.

miriam sharpe:  there's something too right about her, which makes her feel too wrong, you get me?  there's something about her that...is too perfect at pressing tony's emotional buttons to make her...mmm...legit.  i don't know if she was a plant for sure.  i don't.  but i'd be completely, utterly unsurprised to find out she was.  i also wouldn’t be surprised if she also turned out to be a skrull, tbh.

the night before registration was signed into law:  the team leads were separated.  god, folks, outside of steve's touchiness about extremis, and execute program, this was one of the best teams of avengers since the early mansion years.  tony and steve were closer than ever, they'd put down the avengers and then when steve wanted them back, tony couldn't tell him no.  they were doing what they do best, and doing it next to each other (and i'm sorry, you can fight me, but steve and tony are at their absolute peak when they're working together as an unstoppable duo, they're a team within a team, they're partners, they're best friends - in a lot of ways they're each other's whole world and driving force).  but the night before while they'd all gathered together, steve got called to the helicarrier.  tony and steve were separated.  steve was given an illegal order and refused.  he had fire opened on him.  and he bolted.  he and tony never did regroup and circle the wagons, not really, to actually talk about it.  i don't think...in any way...things would have gone as sideways as they did if steve and tony had been together and presenting a united front.  and i think certain powers that be were well, well aware of that fact.

thor clone:  tony might have had a thor hair, okay.  sure.  i can see him thinking at some point it would be neat to see what asgardian dna looked like but uh.  did everyone forget that biochem's not his thing?  it's not his wheelhouse?  he's an engineer.  an electrical and mechanical engineer.  now...who do we know that's a biochem person that supported registration, one of the foremost scientists in the field, hmm...oh, that's right.  hank pym.  and...gasp.  it turned out...hank pym...was a skrull.  wow, what a coinkidink.  i'm sure that totally absolutely doesn't mean a thing.

steve's extremes:  okay, so...steve does some stuff that is...drastic.  like steve is stubborn.  he's bullheaded.  once he plants his feet, getting him to move is damned near impossible.  you know who can usually bring him around to some form of compromise or agreeing to disagree?  ding ding ding, tony stark can.  this is not the first time tony and steve have had a bitchfit at each other.  they're in each other's pockets, literally, at almost all times, they fight sometimes.  it happens.  but they always, always manage to patch up and walk away friends and better for having had that talk.  the supreme intelligence.  tony erasing him being known as iron man.  the whole shebang, if you're familiar with the older comics.  they fight, they make up, they climb back in each other's back pockets again and they go home happy.  so...this is it?  they've had bigger shit on their plate and this is the one that does them in as friends?  this is the one that makes them fight like they do?  steve...does some hinky as fuck shit here, no one is blameless in this, steve is not in the right, tony is not in the right, no one is.  that's the fucking point.  but the extremes steve went to:  tony meeting him in good faith to actually talk because they haven't and need to and tony knows that, and steve taking him out with an emp (which if it had shut down extremis completely it would have killed tony and don't think steve isn't aware of that - steve is far more tech savvy than you'd think).  tony begging for another talk to ask steve directly if he had anything to do with happy hogan's death and yet another ambush by team steve.  meeting in the mansion one final time to talk and he and tony literally beating the shit out of each other (or rather, steve really unfairly smacking tony around because tony dropped his armor, and had been practically sobbing, begging steve to talk to him) and parting ways for good.  the thing here is:  tony called steve and steve still picked up.  steve still fucking picked up even though they were at war with each other.  and...of course...that final fight.  tony's armor was disabled by the vision.  he was a fucking sitting duck, he could not fight back in any meaningful way against 220+lbs of pissed off super soldier.  his armor was dead.  and steve beat the everloving fuck out of him.  tony, laying there in the street, his helmet smashed to hell, jaw broken, face swollen, steve on top of him with the shield raised about to drop it on tony's unprotected face, and tony laying there...begging steve to end it.  begging him.  and then steve getting yanked off of tony by a bunch of civilians who saw steve about to murder tony right there in the street and took action.

is it all steve's fault?  fuck no, tony did some nasty shit, too.  which is my point.  they both did things that overall, were out of character for both of them.  tony okaying hit squads?  of supervillains?  to bring in kid superheroes?  tony?  are you fucking serious right now?  that is not typical tony stark behavior.  see:  young avengers for details, when it's very obvious he doesn't think steve coming down so hard on kids wanting to help make the world better place was necessarily the right thing to do.  steve rogers, the man who mourned bucky barnes for years?  because he lost his best friend?  about to kill his other best friend in cold blood?  in the middle of a street?  really?  really???

steve in his cell:  when steve surrenders and steve's in the helicarrier, power dampner on, under arrest, awaiting arraignment, and tony comes to talk to him...things i want to point out:  this wasn't like an extended period of time after steve surrendered.  this was...very soon after that.  please remember, tony had been beat to all fucking hell by steve.  he shows up in full armor, never removes his helmet, nothing.  extremis's healing factor is good, but it's not that good.  tony's still beat to hell.  i'm willing to bet he was using the armor's autopilot function, too, because if he could actually stand up straight i'd call you a fucking a liar.  steve flinging out accusations on tony's mental health like barbs (he's not wrong, though, but you can bet tony takes every fucking word to heart in the absolute worst way).  the last words steve rogers says to tony stark is "was it worth it?  answer me."  as tony walks away.

steve's death:  hoo boy.  okay.  so, let me just...throw this out here:  steve's death fucking broke tony.  broke him.  completely.  utterly.  unmade him entirely.  steve on his way to arraignment takes a sniper shot for someone else, because steve is that kind of guy.  sharon, under mind control, pumps three bullets (time bullets it later turns out) into steve's stomach.  steve bleeds out.  dies.  you know what happens?  tony, who was supposed to give steve's eulogy, loses it.  breaks down when he gets up to speak.  starts sobbing hopelessly.  has to step down, there's no way in fuck tony stark will ever hold it together to deliver a real eulogy like that for steve.  i keep saying i cannot overstate how important they are to each other.  i can't.  i really can't.  like...they're so close at some points i feel like they're one soul in two bodies.  anyway.  when asked, tony says finding steve was the greatest day of his life.  not only does tony just fucking lose it, it turns out they don't bury steve that day.  instead, the remaining of the original avengers (tony, hank, jan) meet in the ice fields they found steve in.  they give him a quiet send off, for just the three of them and steve.  it's where "i miss your battlecry" comes from.  namor takes steve's coffin, promises no one will ever bother it.  they put steve back in the ice they found him.  yeah that...sure sounds like...the treatment of a guy who hated steve rogers, huh, and this on top of the fact that, yes, tony watched steve's autopsy (through the helicarrier camers).  he tortured himself just like that.  clint never had to tell tony he might as well have pulled the trigger himself, tony was already telling himself that.  he saw what happened to steve's body after, just...what it looked like.  he argued with sharon.  and then made sure sharon was taken care of, as completely as he could, after everything, because that's the kind of person tony is.  he continued to completely fall apart and not deal with steve's death in any fucking meaningful way.  he talked to steve's body after they brought him to the helicarrier before his autopsy.  he told him literally everything.  he told him through snot and tears and sobs and a complete and utter breakdown.  he told him it wasn't worth it, because the truth is, tony stark cannot bear the thought of living in a world where steve rogers does not exist.  there's a flipside to this, hold that thought.

tony's breakdowns:  post civil war tony has...quite a few of these.  he hallucinates steve (a side effect of extremis, all the info he takes in on a daily basis gets shoved into the part of his brain that processes guilt to be sorted through, and then his brain spits out important information in the form of people who are dead that tony blames himself for - steve played a prominent role there).  everyone can see it.  he doesn't leave the armor most of the time.  he flips out randomly.  he loses his shit utterly.  he's put on admin leave barring a psyche eval as direct of shield (a position he got ultimately railroaded into).  tony doesn't deal, is what i'm saying.  steve's death?  fucking breaks him.  totally.  tony does not pull himself back together at fucking all.  he doesn't handle it.  he blames himself for everything.  utterly everything.  yes, he was at fault for some things.  yes, he made a lot of bad calls.  but he canonizes steve (who also did hinky shit) and then turns around and tells himself he doesn't deserve even the modicum of happiness.  he has good days and bad days.  sometimes he almost seems like his old self.  most of the time he's barely holding himself together with spit and bubblegum.  ...i'd argue he may have been more than a little suicidal, at points.  he does some really, really risky shit - riskier than normal.

bucky/steve's letter:  bucky comes to kill tony.  there's just no other way to put it.  and they fight.  and tony does his absolute best not to hurt bucky.  he'd just gotten steve's letter - via execution of steve's estate - and even in the thick of it...steve still reached out to tony.  that letter was like...a friendly shoulder squeeze through the veil, you get me?  tony needed that, he really did.  it was a bandaid over a bullet wound, but he needed it.  and he turned around, and because steve utterly believed in bucky, put the weight of his faith and his trust behind bucky completely.  gave him the shield.  knew no one else would carry on steve's legacy the way bucky would.  ended up trusting bucky enough as the new cap to give him all the info on iron man, and how to shut tony down permanently, if need be.

frank castle:  steve damn near kills him.  steve.  that steve.  steve rogers.  y'all get how weird that is, right?  steve is wound like a bowstring the entire goddamn length of civil war.  i wonder if...the purpose...wasn't to get him to snap utterly and you know what that could have culminated in?  that's right.  tony's death at steve's hands.  you'd never get tony to kill steve.  ever.  ever.  but the other way around?  if you...tweak it just right?  hmmm.

the brain wipe:  so tony just...magically doesn't have any backups that include the worst year of his life.  i'm supposed to believe tony "meticulous to a fault" stark didn't back up his brain more than once.  uh huh.  okay.  so he just...manages to forget completely how unfunctioning he was after steve's death.  wipes out how utterly devastated and destroyed he was because steve was no longer in the world, who was fine with steve hating him and never speaking to him again as long as tony could protect him.  okay.  sure, karen.  but also, as a point, he left the decision up to thor and cap, ultimately, whether or not to bring him back.  at the time, thor was...mmm... but they had don.  and cap was bucky.  but they also brought steve in, who was alive at that point, because everyone knew when tony said cap in that recording he meant steve rogers.  and the holdout was pepper.  no one else really hesitated.  of course they bring tony back.  the world needs iron man.  the world needs tony stark.  gee, does...does that sound...like the guy ready to turn his best friend's head to mush with his shield?  hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm.

brain wipe aftermath:  tony's not wrangled well enough.  i...will argue that leaving him alone with pepper and maria hill might not have been the best of things to do.  i get it, osborn was being osborn, but.  it played out as being vindictive, letting tony stumble upon all of that himself.  but the huge, key thing to note here is steve fucking rogers tearing into the building where tony's being kept, knowing what's up, demanding to know where tony is because tony's only very recently woken up and...it turns...out...he's playing catch up on the last year and...has found...he thinks steve is dead.  in that moment tony stark thinks steve rogers is dead and you know what he does?  what tony always does when confronted with steve's mortality:  he starts crying.  he gets upset.  and i definitely think how tony finds out sets the tony for things for...a good long while, especially between himself and steve.

and going on in the background of all of this melodrama is...civil war itself, of course, everyone fighting each other viciously over registration, the nightmare of the fifty state initiative, which does not...go well.  the shit with the negative zone and a huge flashing warning light in the form of tony telling carol that of course they have to bring their friends into custody.  if he and the mighty avengers don't, they will.  they being shield.  remember project wideawake?  think microchipping every superhuman.  think genetic testing for powers.  think sentinals for everyone, not just mutants.  think people like spider-man on a dissection table.  all the shit tony was trying to get in front of, and put a stop to.

secret invasion happens.  and the first person in the entire thing, openly, that gets taken out?  tony stark.  extremis is mostly shut down.  his tech gets taken down.  iron man is, for a time, effectively removed from the picture completely.  tony, having seen it coming, has set rhodey up with a suit that has no starktech.  has a plan in place.  tony seizes.  he damned near dies, really.  almost gets taken in by the skrull queen (who's been psing as spider-woman all this time).  and during all of this steve's floating through time, trying to make his way back to his own body so the red skull can't take it.  eventually succeeds at that.  what i'm saying is everything was a complete and utter shitshow.

norman osborn?  now director of shield.  it goes about as well as you think it does, him and his dark avengers.  he tries to lay siege to asgard (which is floating up above and near broxton, oklahoma) after going off the rails.  he does some naughty naughty things.  it's not good.  he steals tony's tech.  he damned near beats tony to death on live tv.  the rt in tony's chest doesn't just cover the brain wipe, folks, it handles the fucking brain damage norman osborn did to him.

things to particularly consider:  jessica drew was a skrull during all of this.  with pheromone powers.  firmly on the side of team steve.  just...think about that.  think about steve's aggressiveness.  think about how easily the real jess is able to like.  sweeten up the hulk (he made her a sandwich and it's the most precious thing) even when he's angry and in pain.  just.  think about it.

think about project wideawake.  think about how firmly tony opposed it.  think about how he saw the writing on the wall after stamford and knew they had to get in front of it.  think about tony going to all those kids' funerals.  think about how emotionally open he'd be.  think about how perfectly miriam sharpe played into things.  think about all the praise she heaped on tony every time he did something she wanted.  think about how tony's self-esteem issues work.  just...think about that.

think about how a lot of players in shra were all involved in anti-mutant stuff.  consider that a moment.

think about how easily the green fucking goblin was able to get into the good public graces by killing the skrull queen.

and the most important piece of evidence i'll give you:  civil war: warzones.  it's a what if.  a what if had civil war dragged on instead of ending in steve's death.  guess what.  turns out the skrulls had been escalating and manipulating the entire fucking time.

just.  think about it.  all of it.  and civil war starts to make a hell of a lot more sense.

[ed-edward-blackbeard]

long-ass fucking questionnaire

yoooooooo, I did it all.

I’m starting this at 1:15 in the morning.  Let’s see how long it takes me to finish.  cause I’m a masochist, apparently.

1: My name? do I HAVE to?  Okay, it’s Kelly.  But I really hate it, so usually I go by Kel.  A few lucky ones get to call me Kelly, but only because I love the way my name sounds when they say it.  There, my dirty secret is out.

2: Do I have any nicknames? A plethora.  Artie (after the fish), Fluffie (long story) Jellybean

3: Zodiac sign? The most Libra Libra that has ever Libra’d.

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I don’t play video games.  But I play a few online games, so Doctor Who: Legacy

5: Book/series I reread? The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward (Series) The Harry Potter books Morgan Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Riordan (series) Good Omens (Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett) Watchers (Dean Koontz) Insomnia (Stephen King)

6: Aliens or ghosts? I have nothing against either.  But I enjoy writing about ghosts more.

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Stephen King

8: Favourite radio station? NPR, strangely enough.

9: Favourite flavour of anything? Lemon.  I still thoroughly enjoy chocolate, but my radiation therapy changed the way it tasted.  

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome.  Both with and without the addition of the adjective “fucking”

11: Favourite song? My standard answer is, ‘Everything Louder Than Everything Else’ by Meat Loaf, because I truly love that song, but lately I’ve been on a Game of Thrones kick, and i’m stuck on “The Rains of Castamere” by Sigur Rios and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” because it’s such a Jaime x Brienne song.

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Bold of you to assume I have friends.

13: Favourite word? sycophant, gestalt, melancholy

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? After about, oh, ten years or so, yes I did.  It’s a new thing for me.  usually I hold grudges until the end of time.

15: Last song I listened to? “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin

16: TV show I always recommend? Current:  American Gods, Better Call Saul Cancelled/ended:  Hannibal (NBC), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

17: Pirates or ninjas? Drink up me hearties, yo ho!  Yo ho, yo yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? Usually something from the Disney/Pixar Ouvre.  Except UP.  UP makes me sob in the first ten minutes, so no.

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Du Hast, Rammstein.

20: Favourite video games? Puzzles and Dragons, Doctor Who: Legacy, Dragonvale

21: What am I most afraid of? Snakes, without a doubt.

22: A good quality of mine? I’m creative

23: A bad quality of mine? I don’t think before I speak, so i sometimes don’t end up saying what I mean to say and hurt/offend in the process.

24: Cats or dogs? Bi-petual with a preference to cats

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Bruce Campbell.  Alien Apocalypse, anybody?

26: Favourite season? Winter

27: Am I in a relationship? No, although I do love someone very much

28: Something I miss? Being a kid, with all the possibilities of my life still ahead of me

29: My best friend? @mummyholmesisupset and @silvarbelle.  they tie.

30: Eye colour? Hazel-greenish, with a little bit of sunflower around the pupil

31: Hair colour? Normally, a pretty chestnut brown.  sometimes I bleach it or dye it.

32: Someone I love? @silvarbelle, she’s my sister-from-another-mister, and I will throw hands for that bitch in a heartbeat.

33: Someone I trust? @mummyholmesisupset because she’s earned it a hundred times over.  @silvarbelle because I love her like family.

34: Someone I always think about? My grandmother.  she died when I was seventeen, and I still miss her.

35: Am I excited about anything? My birthday

36: My current obsession? Gam of thrones, Doctor Who, Hannibal, the MCU

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Thundercats, Scooby Doo, 60s Batman, My Favorite Martian, the Monkees

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? No, thank God.

39: Am I superstitious? Not overly, but I do have a few.

40: What do I think about most? Writing

41: Do I have any strange phobias? Is arachnophobia strange?

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it, dear God.

43: Favourite hobbies? Writing, reading, pinning things on Pinterest that I absolutely mean to do but probably never will

44: Last book I read? Watchers by Dean Koontz, and I’m in the middle of Fear by Bob Woodward

45: Last film I watched? Backdraft.  “You go, we go.”  

46: Do I play any instruments? Not since band class in the early 90s.

47: Favourite animal? Cat.

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? ???????  I don’t think I do.

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Manipulation of probability

50: How do I destress? Writing, watching Netflix, watching Mythbusters

51: Do I like confrontation? Like it, no.  Good at it, yes.

52: When do I feel most at peace? When it’s quiet and the only noises are the clicking of the keyboard and my cats’ purring

53: What makes me smile? Cute animals, stupid puns, comments on fic

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off, except for my TARDIS nightlight

55: Play any sports? Fuck no.

56: What is my song of the week? Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

57: Favourite drink? 1% milk.

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? A few months?  It was to @mummyholmesisupset in fact.

59: Afraid of heights? Desperately so.

60: Pet peeve? Anchovies, people who don’t use coasters, and men who smoke in public places.  (yes, it’s a movie reference.  And if you get it, I will send you a shiny nickel)

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Black Sabbath’s Theater of Madness

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? Fuck no.  I am, in fact, omnivorous and diabetic.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? To be Daphne Blake in Mystery, Inc.

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yep.  Not fun.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Hannibal’s.  I’m not rude for the most part, so I have a pretty good chance at surviving.

66: Something I worry about? My future.  Cancer has shortened my life span, my relatives are all 65+, and I am an only child with no children of my own (Thank Christ)  I haven’t worked since 2004 (been caretaking sick parents) so I’m concerned.

67: Scared of the dark? I love the dark, so no.

68: Who are my best friends? @mummyholmesisupset  @silvarbelle

69: What do I admire most about others? That they can do things, very well, that I can’t do.  What that is varies from person to person

70: Can I sing? Not very well, but I don't let that stop me...

71: Something I wish I could do? Write professionally.  I love writing fanfic, but I'd kill to be a real, published author.

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Pay off bills, go back to college, buy myself a car (pickup, Ford F-150 with fog lights and automatic steering), pay off my mom's bills, hire an aide to stay with Mom, move to my favorite city and hire a winter-time driver because I can't drive for shit in the snow/ice.

73: Have I ever skipped school? Nope.  Often wanted to, never have.

74: Favourite place on the planet? Asheville, NC.  Technically, it's Montreat, which is right outside of Black Mountain and is a township unto itself.  It's also home to Montreat Bible College, established by Billy Graham, and the Chapel of the Prodigal.  It is also home to Lake Susan, one of the most quiet and beautiful places on God's green earth, and I would live by that little lake if I could.  I have photos in my Google Drive, I need to share them sometime.  You'll see what I mean.  But I love Asheville, too, downtown and all.  

75: Where do I want to live? Asheville, NC.  Except I can't drive in the snow and ice, so there's that.

76: Do I have any pets? I have two cats, Samhain Murray (Sam) and Margaret May (Maggie, Maggie May, Margaret Ann)

77: What is my current desktop picture? On my laptop, it's Oswald Cobblepot (Robin Lord Taylor) from Gotham.  On my tablet, it's the Superman logo.  On my phone, it's my cat, Sam.

78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl, given that it's 2:30 AM and I'm still working on this.

79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets, please.

80: Can I drive? i don't know, can you?  I can.

81: Story behind my last kiss? I kissed my cat on his cold wet nose because he was headbutting me and so I kissed him.

82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones, sadly.  I prefer headphones, but headphones are uncomfortable because I wear glasses.  So, earbuds.

83: Have I ever had braces? Did you?  I don't know.  Did I?  Yes, I did, I fucking despised them.

84: Story behind one of my scars? in late 2004, I started getting very ill.  I couldn't keep food down, I was puking all the time, pale and everything, so I went to the ER and found I had a mass the size of a basketball growing in my abdomen.  I was shipped to the local cancer center because of the cancer markers, and at the tender age of 27, I got a hysterectomy.  I was cut from my navel to my diaphragm, old school, because the mass was twenty-four pounds.  Benign, thank goodness, but it had started to go necrotic and I was well into blood poisoning (the reason I was puking and sick all the time).  I still have the scar, and always will.

85: Favourite genre of music? instrumental celtic.

86: Who is my hero? I don't know that I have one, as such

87: Favourite comic book character? SUPERMAN, BABY.  SUCK MY DICK BATS

88: What makes me really angry? Mistreatment of people and animals.  Abuse of people and animals.

89: Kindle or real book? Both have their benefits, but I love the weight and feel of a real book.  I love the portability of a Kindle.  

90: Favourite sporty activity? Marathon TV-binge

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? There's NOTHING RIGHT in schools

92: What was my favourite subject at school? Creative writing

93: Siblings? Nope, my parents saw their mistake and decided never again.

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of Sperry deck shoes with Han Solo and Chewbacca on them.

95: How tall am I? 5'6

96: Can I cook? yes, I can.  perhaps not well, but I can cook enough to feed myself and my mom.

97: Can I bake? Yes, I can.  I'm a SLIGHTLY better baker than a cook.

98: 3 things I love? Writing, my cats, Christopher Reeve

99: 3 things I hate? So many things.  Um, spiders, snakes, creepy clowns

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? at the moment, girl.  when I was in school?  boy.

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? General rule?  Boys, or girls that are kind of not-ultra-girly.

102: Where was I born? North Carolina, that hotbed of conservative bullshit.  I'm actually ashamed to admit that's where I'm from.

103: Sexual orientation? I'm working on figuring that out.  Let's call it bisexual for now, and I'll update you as it happens.

104: Where do I currently live? North Carolina, sadly.

105: Last person I texted? @mummyholmesisupset

106: Last time I cried? Today.  I was watching WALL-E on STARZ, and UP came on while I was finishing dinner.  By the time Ellie was miscarrying, I was bawling.

107: Guilty pleasure? I'm not really guilty about my pleasures, but I do have a soft spot for mind-candy romance novels.  Like Johanna Lindsey, Nina Bangs, Harlequin, etc.

108: Favourite Youtuber? I hate Youtubers.

109: A photo of myself. uh, no.

110: Do I like selfies? fuck no.

111: Favourite game app? Doctor Who: Legacy

112: My relationship with my parents? It varies from moment to moment.  My dad never really understood me, and after he got sick and was in a coma for awhile, it changed him.  so there was never really a chance for him to try.  My relationship with my mom is... complicated.  Sometimes we're BFFs and finish each other's sandwiches, and other times, we hate each other's guts and would gladly murder each other and bury the bodies in the backyard.

113: Favourite accents? Spanish, English/Scottish, all the Asian ones (the gentleman that runs my local Chinese restaurant speaks Cantonese and Mandarin both, and I could listen to that all day.)

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London, Dublin, Cork, Kerry, Scotland, Italy, Greece, New York, Japan, Los Angeles

115: Favourite number? 15

116: Can I juggle? Nope

117: Am I religious? Eh, not really.  I go to bible study mostly because I have half a crush on the preacher.

118: Do I like space? YES.

119: Do I like the deep ocean? Not so much.

120: Am I much of a daredevil? NO

121: Am I allergic to anything? Ciprofloxacin, IV contrast dye, Mobic/meloxicam, Zofram/ondansetron, and a ton of fragranced products (I have sensitive skin that breaks out at the drop of a hat.)  

122: Can I curl my tongue? Yep!

123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope!

124: Do I like clowns? Yes, if they're cute.  NOT PENNYWISE, I HATE PENNYWISE.  But I love Tim Curry's Pennywise.  But that's because Tim Curry is awesome.

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Elvis.  I'm an Elvis chick.

126: My current project? "By Inches We Fall," a Game of Thrones fanfic that's Jaime Lannister x Brienne of Tarth.  I'm also working on some Christmas projects involving spray paint and recycled K-Cups

127: Am I a bad loser? Horrible loser.  I hate to lose.

128: Do I admit when I wrong? sometimes.  depends on who I'm talking to, and the tone of the discussion.  if it's a civil discourse, yes I will.  If we're shouting?  I'm not backing down.

129: Forest or beach? Forest.  A forest doesn't leave sand in your butt crack.

130: Favourite piece of advice? Mind your own business and you won't be minding mine

131: Am I a good liar? I used to be.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Slytherin/what the fuck is a Divergent/12

133: Do I talk to myself? i do, and sometimes I answer

134: Am I very social? HAHAHAHAHA NO.

135: Do I like gossip? sit by me and pour that tea, bitch.

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? I do, on paper, and you'll never read it.

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i failed every physics test I took in high school.  after becoming a Mythbusters stan, I retook an online physics test and passed it.  

138: Do I believe in second chances? depends on the situation and the person, but generally not.  i have been known to give them, though.

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? oh man.  I'd like to say I'd turn it in untouched, but.  I also know I've got medication pay for (mine and mom's), her insurance to pay for (i'm uninsured), groceries and gas to buy, so in all probability?  I'd keep the cash but return everything else.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? No.  People are who they are.  they might change what they think or what they believe in, but who they are?  No.

141: Have I ever been underweight? AHAHAHAHAHA NO

142: Am I ticklish? ...there's no good way to answer.  If I say no, you'll tickle me to prove it.  If I say yes, you'll tickle me.  But yes, I am.  especially my feet.

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? WTF?  No.

144: Have I ever been on a plane? Once, and never again

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Rebel Wilson as me, America Ferrera as @mummyholmesisupset, Kristen Bell as @silvarbelle, Jessica Lange as my mother, and I can't think of anyone else.

146: Have I ever been overweight? Always, am currently, though I'm working to lose it.  I've lost about 50 lbs in the past year, so I'm doing okay

147: Do I have any piercings? Three in my right ear, two in my left.

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Hannibal Lecter.

149: Do I have any tattoos? nope, but I want a couple.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? .....i haven't made a single good decision....

151: Do I believe in Karma? it bites me on the ass often enough, so yes I do.

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to switch to bifocals next time

153: What was my first car? 1979 green Dodge Aries K

154: Do I want children? If they're furry and four-legged, sure.

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? um, probably my uncle with two frigging masters degrees

156: My most embarrassing memory? I met John deLancie at a Star Trek con once, just coming down the stairs from his room to the con floor.  And I fell all over myself talking to him because I was like, fourteen or something and he was tall and handsome and genuinely happy to be tthere and I was basically every fangirl's nightmare.

157: What makes me nostalgic? watching old TV shows I loved as a kid, or reading books I haven't read in years.

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yep

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains.  i'm practically a zombie.

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Purple and fuschia equally.

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Not as such, no.

162: What do I hate most about myself? Everything?

163: What do I love most about myself? I like my hair.

164: Do I like adventure? only the ones in books.

165: Do I believe in fate? not really.

166: Favourite animal? Felis cattus

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? nope

169: How old am I? 42

170: One of my favourite quotes? "Lock the door.  And hope they don't have blasters."

171: Do I hold grudges? you bet your bippy I do.  (what is a bippy and why are you betting it?)

172: Do I trust easily? No.

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? I hope I have.  But I suspect I haven't.

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? A single cupcake and a rosebud, given to me by the nurses at the cancer treatment center because it was my birthday and I was having radiation and felt absolutely shitty.  so they surprised me with a little cupcake and a rose for my birthday and it made me feel better.

175: Do I dream? Yep.

176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yep

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I remember some of them, like the Continuing Adventures of Roxy, the Pink Police Poodle.

178: An experience that has made me stronger? My breakups.

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Sleep a lot, read even more, learn everything that I never had before.

180: Do I like shopping? I do!

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Bank robbery.

182: What does “family” mean to me? family is a group of people, not necessarily related by blood, who have chosen to band together in love and support of each other.

183: What is my spirit animal? According to my meditation quest, it's a wolf.  But I'm not really comfortable saying that because it wasn't a real vision quest, I'd have to go to the res for that (i have Cherokee blood on my father's side) and I haven't.

184: How do I want to be remembered? As someone who tried to be good.

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Woodcarving.

186: What is my greatest failure? I dropped out of college in the 90s, when I had an accident that broke my ankle.  I never went back.

187: What is my greatest achievement? five-year survivor, cancer-free!

188: Love or money? Money, sadly.

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Am I an observer like the Doctor?  If yes, then I would go back to the Globe Theater and see all of Shakespeare as it was originally performed. Am I living there, stuck?  Future, please.

191: What makes me the happiest? Writing.

192: What is “home” to me? Where I lay my head.

193: What motivates me? How I feel, what I see, something that fascinates me.

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Wake me up when it's over

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Depends on if they're hostile or kind.

196: A movie that scared me as a child? The Dark Crystal.  I love it now.

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? V-8 juice

198: Zombies or vampires? oooh, both.  But vampires.

199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons all the way, man.  I love dragons.

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Its always the same.  I'm being chased by someone/something, it's always getting closer, and it sounds like a loud, roaring motorcycle.  And I'm always running or racing through the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks (the place with all the red curtains and the black/white zig-zag floor.  That place freaks me the fuck out, and ever since the show aired, it's been in my nightmares)

202: How do I define love? Love is not love, that alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove; O no, it is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? sometimes.  I've found great books in the bargain bin that way.  I've also found a few stinkers.  Come to think of it, I've found a few people that way too.  Some great, some stinkers.

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? I have.

205: Do I like my handwriting? i do, actually

206: Sweet or savoury? Savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? Market research interview administrator.  I was one of those assholes that flagged you down in the mall and made you watch a commercial or a movie trailer, or try a snack product and then asked you a billion and five questions about it

208: Do I collect anything? Funko POPs, Superman memorabilia, Star Wars and Star Trek memorabilia, penguins, mooses

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? my dragon ring, my pocketwatch

210: What is on my bucket list? I don't have one

211: How do I handle anger? Depends.  I sometimes hold it in, but most times I blow like a firecracker.  hot and hard, and then I cool off.

212: Was I named after anyone? my dad's uncle Kelly, and my mom's father Ray (i'm Kelly Rae)

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? me?  sarcastic?  Perish the thought.

214: What TV character am I most like? Dobie Gillis.

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? I can twirl just about anything like a baton and not drop it

216: Favourite fictional character? Ashley j. Williams

3:24 AM.  Son of a bitch.

[scarletwelly-boots]

Books Read 2018

I read 20 books in 2018, about 15 fewer books than last year (I work longer hours and have a further commute is my excuse). Technically I’m not even done with one of them, but I have like an hour or two to go of it and it’s an audiobook so it’ll be read faster than I could read it.

This is the third year I have done the Reading Challenge, which lists a number of categories to read books under (there were 40 categories this year, so I got a solid 50%). You can find the challenges I’ve done at least last, this, and next year, on Popsugar. (I don’t remember if I got the 2016 one from the same site). I also took some liberties with the categories and even changed a few to entries from last year’s list.

1. Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton (A book made into a movie you’ve already seen). ‘Kay so. I liked it, of course I did. I like the movie and I’m in love with Ian Malcolm. It was interesting because it provide some context fro scenes in the movie or left out of the movie that I didn’t get when I watched it. It was different from the movie in a lot of spoiler-y ways that I won’t get into. Most of these differences were good with one exception that really upset me. I would recommend to read it anyway.

2. Leah on the Offbeat, by Becky Albertalli (The next book in a series you started). This is the sequel to Simon vs. The Homosapien Agenda and I’m gonna be honest. I LOVED it. Was it better than Simon? No, probably not. But the representation made me really happy. I’m also a fat bisexual and though I’m not always a woman, I was raised AFAB, so it was still really relatable to me. There were some plot holes, because I’m pretty sure Albertalli decided Leah was bi after Simon was published. I thought it was really cute, though, and I definitely recommend it.

3. Weird Ireland, assorted authors (A book involving a mythical creature). A very small, independently published book about paranormal, supernatural, and extra-terrestrial sightings in Ireland. It was okay. I finished it in two hours. I knew everything that was in it, and some of it they even got wrong. Even if you’re crazy-obsessed with Ireland like me, you can skip this one.

4. Wild Irish Women, by Marian Broderick (a book set in a country that fascinates you). This is the kind of history book I like. Each chapter follows the biography of a different person and provides some context about the time period in which they lived. I learned a lot about Irish women I had never heard of, learned more about women I already knew about, and reread what little is known about my hero and historical crush, Grainne Ni Mhaille. One shortcoming of this book was their inclusion and insistent misgendering of Dr. Barry, an Irish physician who made great strides in natal care for women and who at this point is pretty widely believed to have been a transman. As a genderfluid person, this frustrated me so much that about three sentences into his entry I grabbed a red pen and actually corrected the pronoun usage. All the same, I recommend the book if you like women’s or Irish history, or los dos, like myself.

5. A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle (a book with a time of day in the title). Hey, it had the word ‘time’; I say that counts! Guys, if you have never read this book, you need to. Even if you watched/sobbed during the movie. Dear god this book is so good. The theoretical physics is confusing, but that’s to be expected (my fifth graders were like ‘wth does this mean’ and I was like ‘you got me; this is why I teach elementary’). But it had some of my favorite themes, and Meg does her job as the oldest sibling, which as an oldest sibling, I respect and expect. (Never bring up the movie The Wind that Shakes the Barley with me; I am very, very firm about my Oldest Sibling Job responsibilities.) Anyway, read this goddamn book please.

6. Heart of the Fae, by Emma Hamm (A book with a villain or antihero). I am a sucker for all things Beauty and the Beast and all things Ireland, so when I saw a recommendation for this independently published Irish retelling of Beauty and the Beast on tumblr, I ordered it immediately. I really loved it. It’s also the first in a series and listen, the only thing better than a Beauty and the Beast retelling is a TRILOGY of a Beauty and the Beast retelling. I started the sequel but I haven’t finished yet. This book is so good. I highly recommend it.

7. The Upside of Unrequited, by Becky Albertalli (A book with alliteration in the title). This was...okay. It’s a companion to Simon vs. the Homosapien Agenda, and it follows Abby’s cousins. In a way, it was gayer than the others, because her cousins have two moms and one of the cousins is gay. But it’s from the POV of the straight one, so not as gay. Plus I really like the characters from the first two, and we didn’t even get very much Abby in this one. You kind of have to read it like its own novel with a couple cameos from Abby. As a standalone, it wasn’t bad, but as a series it was a bit of a letdown.

8. The Once and Future King, by TH White (a book about time travel). Look, Merlin ages opposite to the passage of time, so it counts as time travel. I have been trying to read this book for ten years. I liked most of it. I had a few qualms but given the climate in which it was written it makes sense for the time period (not that that should excuse some of the cringe-worthy parts). The last like fifty pages White waxes poetic on the capitalist system and it’s like, we get it, you’re a white man from the middle of the Cold War, but read a goddamn book. Additionally, at least three men were raped by women with some not-so-subtle victim blaming which pissed me the fuck off. But the overall story, the legend of King Arthur, was good. It’s definitely a cornerstone in the Arthurian saga. I might try to read Le Morte d’Arthur next year and see how it compares.

9. All the King’s Men, by Nora Sakavic (a book with song lyrics in the title). Humpty Dumpty is close enough to a song. This is book three of the All for the Game trilogy, and holy shit you have to read this. It’s the best book in the trilogy. It is a series about a college sports team who play a made up sport called Exy, which is basically a more violent version of lacrosse. I’m not a huge sports fan, but the way she writes Exy matches had me on the edge of my seat. The team is made up of all “at-risk” students, the main character being a kid on the run from his mob boss dad. Trigger warning for the series for violence, sexual assault/rape, abuse, drug use, I may be missing some things. It was so good though.

10. The War I Finally Won, by Kimberley Brubaker Bradley (A book with an LGBTQ+ protagonist). This is a really great sequel to another children’s book. See below for the synopsis.

11. The War that Saved My Life, by Kimberley Brubaker Bradley (a book about mental health). Okay, I don’t know why that is the category I put it in, other than the protagonist was told by her mother all her life that she was mentally disabled even though it was just physically. This book and it’s sequel above were AMAZING. It’s about a little girl and her brother in World War II England. The girl has a club foot and spends her life locked away in her abusive mother’s flat in London. She teaches herself to walk, and then she and her brother run away to join the other children being evacuated to the country. They are taken in by a woman who doesn’t want to care for them but in less than a day becomes totally ride-or-die for them (I love that trope). The woman is heavily implied to be gay and is grieving the death of her companion (hence the category above). I loved both books and highly recommend them.

12. Norse Mythology, by Neil Gaiman (a book by an author of a different ethnicity than you). British isn’t that different of an ethnicity from my pasty ass, but I was hard-pressed to put this wonderful book in a category. Apparently my disaster wife Loki is a dumbass and they just look clever because the other gods are stupider than they are. I loved all the stories but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t just pick this up exclusively because I’m fucking in love with Loki. I do really recommend it though.

13. Alexander Hamilton, by Ron Chernow (a book that is also a stage play or musical). I’ve been meaning to read this for ages. It was really interesting, and a lot of it didn’t make it into the musical since it’s like 600 pages long so I learned a lot. I’m still reading it, and I’ve reached the duel so I’m almost finished. Thank god for audiobooks; if my slow-ass self were reading this, I’d still be on page like 100 and I’ve been reading it for a month. If you liked the musical I recommend you read this.

14. Go Set a Watchman, by Harper Lee (a book that you borrowed or was given to you as a gift). I had a hard time following this book. Lee went back and forth between the present (Scout in her twenties) and the 15-or-so years in between the end of TKAM and the beginning of GSAW. It wasn’t bad, but given the stories from Scout’s high school years that were really amusing and the most engaging of the whole book, I’d have preferred if the sequel took place during those years. I think this is the proof as to why most classics don’t have sequels. Read it, but don’t expect much.

15. Making Thinking Visible, by Ron Ritchhart, Mark Church, etc. (a book by two authors). I had to read this for work. Meh.

16. Fence, by CS Pacat (a book about or involving a sport). This is a comic by the same author as The Captive Prince trilogy. I’m behind in issues, but I did really like it. It’s about fencing, which I love, and it’s supposed to be gay eventually. And I’m pretty sure there’s a genderfluid or gnc character which I was super excited about. I recommend it.

17. The Orphelines in the Enchanted Castle, by Natalie Savage Carlson (a childhood classic you’ve never read). Okay, don’t tell my mother, but I don’t remember anything about this book. This year (at twenty-four) was the first time I read this old, old book that I have had since I was six or seven (don’t tell my mom that, either). It was from my mom/the tooth fairy and she loved it as a kid. I guess read it if you can find it and remind me what happened in it?

18. Simon vs. The Homosapien Agenda, by Becky Albertalli (a book you meant to read in 2017 but didn’t get to). Obviously I really loved this book if I also read the sequel and companion books. It was really good, and I definitely cried. If you liked the movie, read the book. It’s different in several ways. I think if you’re thinking in terms of trueness to the book, the movie was maybe not as good, but they’re both good as their own standalone things. But I highly recommend both.

19. Because of Winn-Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo (a book that involves a bookstore or library). This book is so good. It was interesting to reread it as an adult when I last read it as a third grader. I think I understood more than I did then and got different things out of it. I think everyone should reread books from their childhood because the books can still impact you, and they’ll probably affect you differently than when you were a child. So if the last time you read this book was as a young child, pick it up again. If you’ve never read it, still read it.

20. Six of Crows, by Leigh Bardugo (your favorite prompt from the 2015, 2016, or 2017 Popsugar reading challenges: the first book in a series you haven’t read before). This was so good. It was a really interesting book with characters I’ve already kind-of met since my DM recycled some names from the book into our campaign. But I’ve come to know Waylan with similar traits but in a different context, so it was fun to be reintroduced to him. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book where I was already attached to a character in a different context before reading the book, so that was new. I’m terrible at synopses, so if you want to know what this book is about, Google it I guess. And then read it.

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @bitsandbobsandstuff for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Kris, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

Looking back, my first attempt at fanfic was probably when I was 11-years-old and I couldn’t wait for the next ‘Babysitters Club’ book to come out, so I wrote my own story. I think it featured Stacey McGill and horses. I really fucking wish I could find it… But honestly, I didn’t really understand the world of fanfiction until I joined Tumblr. So outside of those little forays when I was younger, I’d say it was last year when I realised it was a thing I could do and people might be interested, so let’s say my 30s.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

When it comes to fanfic, I prefer Reader inserts. They feel more inclusive and frankly, even as a writer it can be easier to imagine myself in the shoes of the reader character (so I can understand their thoughts and feelings and motivations), if I don’t have a specific name attached to them.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Either first thing in the morning (coffee and morning air are excellent inspiration) or Saturday afternoons.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Constant reading. I’m that nerd at the bus stop or waiting at the movie theatre or walking down the street with my nose in a book. I also try to draw on real life experiences/ situations when I can, it gives stories more texture.

7) In your Safe With Me fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

I’m going to be cheeky and say it’s a tie – the dance scene in Chapter 8 and the trigger scene in Chapter 15. The realisations they both had within the few minutes of their dance together felt like such a great payoff for everything up until that point, and I loved imagining Bucky in that black suit (and I just love that song ‘Run to you’). The trigger scene was so much fun just to  resurface and/ or create all Bucky’s memories, especially the ones with the Soldier…they were like mini-stories of their own.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Nope. Everyone has a different vision and every story is unique for a reason.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Clearly, I’m such a sucker for Bucky Barnes. 😊 His character has been through so many things over his lifetime, you can take him in a hundred directions and they can still feel true to source material (both MCU and comics). He can be a battle-weary soldier or a sassy little shit, and it all links back to some iteration of his personality at some point in his life – whether pre-WW2, Winter Soldier days, or now. I’d like to branch out and try others (or maybe other fandoms) at some point, but I’m content with him for now.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Safe With Me?

I knew I wanted the title to be a line of dialogue, because I like the symmetry of finding titles inserted in a story, and I knew I wanted it to be something ‘safety’ related, since that was the theme of the story. In Chapter 3, Bucky gives the reader a little speech at the end, telling her he’ll do anything he needs to protect her, and after re-working that a little, I came up with the ‘you’re safe with me’ line, and that became the title!

12) How did you come up with the idea for Safe With Me?

I wanted to try a series for a long time, but was always  so intimidated by the idea - I’m blown away by the writers on here who do so many series, the time it takes is nuts. For SWM, there were certain themes I personally wanted to find in a story - what it means to be safe, how sometimes evil people can live right next to you, the importance of mental health...all those concepts were used as foundations to the story and the colour was created around them. Sometimes things went in the direction I wanted, sometimes they took unexpected left turns as I was writing - I think you really have to be okay being led by your gut sometimes. Things like lemon drug or Tony’s tech or changing the purpose of the trigger words were random ideas that fell into place. My brain is a weird place to be sometimes.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’ve thought about doing something else with ‘Bless me father’ (still the strangest, weirdest, dirtiest story I’ve written) maybe a prequel or sequel, but still mulling over ideas.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

There are so many on Tumblr I love, but three in particular I would point out.

@a-splash-of-stucky: Elsa is a literal poet. The way she writes, the images she conjures and phrases she uses, are beyond gorgeous.

@justreadingfics: Ally can set up a scene like you wouldn’t believe. I am also in continual awe of someone who can write so beautifully when it’s not their first language.

@4luvofall: Cristina nails the dialogue every single time. Her characters are always a little sassy and a little funny, and I want to go drinking with them (and her). Outside of Tumblr, my favourite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and I would be happy to read Harry Potter every day for the rest of my life.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

No stories, although sometimes I’ll read old dialogue or descriptions and roll my eyes a little! I think it’s important to read your old stuff and recognise how far you’ve come or how your style has changed.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I have a writing playlist that is mostly Sigur Ros and Sleeping at Last, with a heavy dose of movie soundtracks like Lord of the Rings. But sometimes, I put headphones in and just listen to silence.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

I’ve gotten a little emotional at points, but never full on cried. I have sobbed like a baby while reading though, good lord.

20) Which part of your Safe With Me fic was the hardest to write?

I think the club scene in Chapter 12 was the hardest. The idea was to use the scenery and secondary characters and music to build the tension through the course of the night, until everything collapsed. Finding the right flow and making sure it didn’t feel too rushed was really hard, it took me a long time to work through.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I tend to make an outline. For one-shots, it’s never long – just listing out the key points and scenes I want to hit. For SWM it was long – the outline was more than 15,000 words. Admittedly, I’m somewhat Type A, so I need structure to function. 😊

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Probably my first Stucky story, ‘The language of a kiss’. I was hesitant to post it – it wasn’t long after I read ‘Not easily conquered’ which was one of the most mind-blowing literary experiences of my life. I love the story and have gotten lovely comments on it, but I think AO3 tends to be a better place for Stucky stories, Tumblr leans more toward Reader insert.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Yes! The reader for ‘Safe with me’ was based heavily on yours truly! Most of her dialogue came very easy because it’s how I speak in real life (full of F-bombs and insults that rarely make sense). Some of Bucky’s dialogue and sass was based on my husband, the way those two bickered in the story was pretty close to real life.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Some of the compliments I’ve received for ‘Safe with me’ have been genuinely unbelievable. Several people have said the story inspired them to write again, which I’m so excited to hear. The biggest compliment though, was probably someone telling me the story helped ease them through a depressive episode in their life. That hit particularly close to home and I can’t express how happy I was to hear that.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

My husband and a few close friends. The first time I told my best friend, who is not remotely into fandom, I gave her ‘Safe with me’ at chapter 12 and she read the entire thing overnight and by 8a the next morning I was getting texts saying “are you awake and if so are you writing because you can’t do this to me.” Hearing someone with no interest in Marvel say that was pretty fun.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

Definitely Riz in ‘Safe with me’. I picture him hanging out in his little kiosk in downtown Manhattan, playing Candy Crush and watching the world go by. He has to have some great stories.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Deadlines! I work so much better under pressure. If I ever had to write a thesis, I would wait until two days before it’s due.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I think it was the ‘Worth Fighting For’ series by @serzhantkris. The plot was based on Mulan, and followed the reader who took her brother’s place in the army during WW2 - she went though basic and got deployed and captured as part of the 107th. She was a feisty and amazing character, and I’m always a sucker for 1940s Bucky. The story is broken out across the three Captain America movies and it is seriously breathtaking – sweet, cheeky, full of action, and completely heartbreaking.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I think I’m going with angst. I like being able to dig into something and maybe cause a little pain in the process. 😉

[franeridart]

I just found your profile and I love your style so much!

AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

Anon said:From kami's-hair-is-hard-to-doodle anon from a while back: I finally got it! Thank you so much for your advice - reading and rereading your tips kept me practicing! I'd also like to thank the Academy /orz

I’m glad it could help you at all!!!! :O Kami keeps on being a mystery to me (and Horikoshi himself ???) too so don’t get too down on yourself for it taking time haha

Anon said:Ive sent you a couple of asks before but Im just so in love with the content you produce. Like not only is your art style so cute and stuff, but the plot/story (Idk) of each post is just so original and adorable. Im just so blown away by everything you post. Thank you for sharing your art!!!! Have a good week!!

Anon said:Hi! I’m new to your blog but love your art, I think your very talented which is why I’d like to ask a question. Do you have any advice for posing? I noticed your very good at it and wondered if you have any tips. If you do answer this, Thank you!!

Firstly, thank you so much for the compliments!!! I don’t know how useful exactly any advice I could give you will be, since most of it comes from drawing a lot and watching drawings even more, but in general to pick a pose usually what I do is think of the scene as if in movement? As in, what the characters are doing, and how they’d move if I were looking at them while doing it - keeping in mind the characters personalities helps me with this a lot too. 

Take for example the confessions drawings I’ve posted a couple of days ago: it’s true that there’s no words nor movement anywhere in them, but as I drew them I had a pretty clear idea of what they were saying and how the characters would react in those situations - Jirou’s shy and easily flustered, so she’s averting her eyes, unable to keep eye contact, and closing in on herself a bit, hiding her face and so on; in the concept, Kaminari was the one who confessed, so he’s holding her hand, tentative, because he’s unsure about how she’s gonna answer (it’s all stuff that didn’t actually make it in the drawing, how he reached for her hand, how he’s gonna close his other hand around her knuckles, but in my head it was a complete scene and I just picked one frame of it all to draw). The same goes for Bakugou and Kirishima - they’re rowdier, louder, more assertive and inclined to take everything as a fight, so this time around I went for a scene in which Bakugou straight out yells his feelings at Kirishima and Kirishima answers me too (again, I had the before and after in my head too, I just picked the frame that best coveyed what I was trying to do)

As I said I’m usure about how much this might help you orz it’s just my way of doing things, and it mostly comes from the fact that I was originally a writer honestly, so thinking of a whole scene makes things easier for me #rip

Anon said:Can I say, I really like the colors for your confession pictures! :>

THANK YOU??????? H E C K ;O; 

Anon said:hi~ i just went through literally everything in your sketches tag and i just wanna say i love your art and your comics and stuff. also because i went through everything, i want to bring attention to how cool it is to see how much your style has changed! your lines seem more confident and your characters more dynamic in the last few years :D

HECK THANK YOU SO MUCH it’s always so damn nice to know people can see my stuff getting even just slightly better oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnn *sob*

Anon said:can we repost your art if we give like 100% credit

Nope, sorry, I’d prefer it if you didn’t do that

Anon said:those "confessions" must be the lewdest thing I've ever seen

why would you use that word tho

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that I love your art and it always makes me a little happier when you post something! No matter if it's your comics or colored pics or "simple" doodles, I love all of them! (Though soft stuff is the best, hehe) I just hope you know that you're very appreciated, and I hope you only have wonderful days!

GODS THANK YOU SO MUCH I’m so so so happy I can make you a lil happier ;0; I hope you’ll have every possible wonderful day too, anon!!

Anon said:I just spent the last few hours of my Sunday going though your entire blog. It’s beautiful and I hope you know that you have ruined my life because of that beauty. God damn it.

That wasn’t the intention but I’m!!!!!!!!! glad you think so???????? sob oh my g od you all are too nice to me ;^;

Anon said:Tododeku?

It sure is a ship, isn’t it - I’ve drawn for it in the past, I most probably will again in the future! :D

Anon said:you're honestly one of my fav artists on here! i love your style it feels so unique and is so pleasing to look at (((:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M CRYING THANK YOU

Anon said:Your art has this unique quality about it... its really hard to describe but there’s something so dynamic and god damn pretty about your work. It’s fantastic and you inspire me to keep on creating! I hope your day is absolutely wonderful and thank you for blessing us with your art!

I’m!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so glad I can make you want to create stuff, anon!!!!!! that’s the best thing anyone can ever tell me, oh my god ;^; thank you so much !!!

Anon said:I love it when you draw cuddly bakugou!! Its wonderful!!

THAT’S!!!! super great to hear cause I could probably draw only that for the foreseeable future and not mind it one bit holy smoke

Anon said:THE HUG COMICS ARE THE BEST COMICS, I LOVE HUGS AND BAKUGOU BEING PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE IS SOMETHING I LOVE, A++++, WOULD RECOMMEND.

HONESTLY BAKUGOU NEEDS ALL THE HUGS AND IF I MUST BE THE ONE TO GIVE THEM ALL TO HIM THEN SO BE IT

Anon said:all ur comics are fucking delightful and make my day everytime. i ve read them all like too many times? i read each multiple times in a row and im still giddy? i love them i love u

I!!!!!!! LOVE YOU TOO???? HOLY SHIT THANK YOU

Anon said:*sigh* soft-phisical contact lover bakugou save my week. And kiri is the most wonderfull sunshine and no one cant discuss that *sit down in the floor and manly crying*

Kiri is the brightest sunshine isn’t he ;^; the sun to Bakugou’s moon, it makes me weak and I cry a lot

Anon said:I never knew I could be so weak for kiribaku omg fran what have you done to me, on that note what little things do you think theyd do to take care of each other? Like kinda lowkey stuff theyd quietly do? Ahh anyway thank you so much for all the wonderful drawings, hope everything is going well for you :)

Well, this is just the feeling I got, but I’d say they do plenty for each other quietly and softly in canon too, don’t they? Bakugou especially, pointing out to Kirishima his strength when he can’t see it for himself and always trying to find a way to cheer him up when he’s down and giving him space when he needs it, training together, studying together, worrying over one another, Kiri making sure to always know what’s up with Bakugou and following him to help him, just generally being there for each other so that if and when they need they’ll know they’ll have someone they can lean on - their relationship is really mutually supportive, isn’t it? I cry so much they make me so happy ;^; *sob*

Anon said:When season 3 comes out wouldnt it be fun if krbk fans filmed their ch.90 being animated reactions?? I think it'd be so cool/cute to see all the emotions! What do you think?

You know, I’m pretty sure that IS gonna happen? People make reaction videos for so many things! It’s nice and fun, honestly, I love it~

Anon said:I really love the way you draw spiky hair! It looks so floofy and soft.

Boi thank you!!!! Spikes are super nice to draw, though admittedly I make them less spiky then they’re probably supposed to be haha

Anon said:As someone who adores Sero Hanta And is a die hard krbk fan can I just say how much I love you? Like I was having a rough-ish day and I can’t stop smiling now because of your latest comic. Seriously, I love you and your art is everything.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT ONE!!!!!!!! I adore Sero if I had any better clue how to draw him I’d draw him all the time always, true story, he’s such a fave ;^;

Anon said:OMG Fran!!! I want Bakugou's name tattooed on all their faces now!! Hahahaha!

You know, one of my first krbk fanarts was Bakugou writing his name on Kirishima’s forehead, actually....................

[britneyshakespeare]

blush, cute, kitty, love, prince, rainbow, smitten, snuggle, sparkle, sunshine

i fell asleep before i could answer these bc i’m a sleepy baby. whoops. but asks aren’t milk they don’t go bad if you leave em out overnight so here we go

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

I had many. In fact I still buy a lot of stuffed animals. But the most important was a stuffed turtle I got when I was 9. It’s kind of a sob story but I was in and out of the hospital constantly from late 2008-early 2009, and my first visit while I was lying weak from a procedure in the emergency room, my mom went down to the gift shop (it was Children’s Hospital Boston, which if you’ve never been there–and I hope to God you haven’t–it’s huge.) and picked me up a few toys that evening. One was a stuffed turtle I named Shelley (i’d like to say it’s for percy but obviously i was not that cultured when i was in fourth grade). I brought her to every subsequent emergency room trip, including when I got sick again in middle school, and AGAIN a few years ago. I’m not gonna take a picture but she’s lying on my bed w me right now. Yep. Shelley’s the one.

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

Lol I was in rehab at the time actually. I didn’t talk much while I was there (social anxiety makes it like that) but one girl who overheard that it was my birthday asked me “are you gonna go home and do something special?” and I was like “idk maybe my mom got a cake or something.”

No I haven’t taken my birthday that seriously in years. It’s just kind of another day for me. I think that last time I did anything was back when I was a little prodigy recluse (I was sick again and out of school at the time) when I turned thirteen, I had lunch with my twin sister (whose birthday it obviously also was) and our best friend. When I turned sweet sixteen it was the first day of spring break and I stayed in my house and ate a bag of white chocolate on my bed because I had gotten my heart properly broken for the first time. And this year I received a lot of lovely messages. That was it.

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

It depends on my sleep schedule. I like staying up late and being by myself (as long as it’s not forced staying awake by insomnia) and waking up early and being by myself.

love; what is your favorite season and why?

I know it’s sad but I never gave a damn about the weather. I don’t like any of them. I find winter the best because everything’s dead and no one expects me to go outside for fun.

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

Just… messy. My fourth grade teacher preferred my cursive handwriting to my print (because my print was messy and my cursive was restrained and pain-stakingly practiced) and she used to just make me, in particular write everything in cursive while everyone else could write in print. So because of that I started drifting towards more cursive-style connecting my letters even when I was writing in print. And now it’s like… I don’t even know if I have the right to say I write in print ever? Almost every letter is connected, but it’s not proper cursive. And I know proper cursive. Sometimes I switch to it for just a word if it’s easier. I haven’t written “of” in print since I was like thirteen. When I was ten I was going through this really intense “I need to make myself girlier so people will like me” phase and in between buying like 20 tubes of lip smacker and shopping at justice, and convincing myself that if I just combed my hair instead of brushing it it would look all straight like my best friend’s and Jane Asher’s, I tried for a few months to write in that stereotypical “girly handwriting” that’s very blocky and straight. Yeah. It naturally shifted back into its course. I wish I could take pictures of my own handwriting for my poetry blog because I think it would look very Personal but the problem is it’s just so illegible what’s the point.

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

The last book I finished was either rereading Lady Windermere’s Fan for the thousandth time, or the Tempest for the first. I can’t remember because I’m always reading more than one book at a time. Of the Tempest is this lovely monologue (linking it to Marianne Faithfull’s reading from the end of her 1995 album A Secret Life because she’s lovely and actually does a great version of it, but my rant about how the songs from the Tempest are performed now to be “modern” will wait for another day).Of the Fan, it is Lady Windermere exclaiming “Ah! You’re marrying a very good woman.”

smitten; do you collect anything?

Anything of mine that might be called a “collection” is really more a result of happenstance than purpose. My CD collection is mostly old stuff I’m meaning to sell by now, my DVD collection is mostly movies I’d watch w my sister, and comics are really only a thing I collect because that’s… just how you read comics. I have a bunch of old diaries from 2008-2015 and I don’t plan on parting w those, I guess they could count as a collection. Or all my poetry notebooks from over the years. But again, that’s just how ya write.

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

I like chocolate of almost any kind. Cotton candy is also really good.

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

Naah I have ADHD. When I was in my earlier teen years I always wanted to be one of those cool pop punk kids who wore like 10 bracelets all the time but 1) money, nah, and 2) I can’t stand to wear anything nonessential, that just, dangles there. I’ll get distracted. I can’t even wear long sleeve shirts wo rolling them up, without being conscious of it, no matter how much I try.

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

I wouldn’t say many of my habits are either practical or aesthetically pleasing. I’m a mess and not just one to look at. I guess it depends on what you mean by “practical” because of course I want things to be not-completely-useless but I do have an appreciation of aesthetics. Not that I practice a lot in real life though that’s expensive.

♡ cute asks ♡

[pinkamour1588]

Begin Again (Part 2)

Part 1

Pairing: McKirk

Prompt: A non-coffee shop coffee shop AU for @yourtropegirl‘s 1000 follower celebration

Summary: Sometimes love shows up when and where you least expect it.

Rating: Teen

Word count: 1666

Leonard lied awake that night. Not because the couch was terrible to sleep on, though it really was. No. Because he couldn’t figure out what Jim was up to lying to Jocelyn about them dating. But there was a part of him that really wished it wasn’t a lie.

He woke up to find a text from Jim.

Sorry about yesterday. Guess I got carried away. You can tell her we broke up or whatever.

He reread the text a few times before looking at Joanna, still unconscious. Looking back down at his phone, he sighed and called Jim.

“Hi, Bones,” Jim said nervously.

“Why did you do it?” Leonard asked.

“Because I told the nurse I was your boyfriend so that she’d let me in. I kinda had to keep up the act.”

“You couldn’t’ve just said you were my friend or called me to let me know you were at the front desk? Jim, you can’t go telling people we’re dating. We’re not. Not even close to it.”

“What if it was true?” Jim whispered.

“What?”

“It could be true.”

“Jim,” Leonard sighed.

“It’s fine. I get it. Just tell her we broke up or whatever you want. I’ll leave you alone.”

“And deal with her going on about how I can’t keep someone around? No, get your ass down here. We should have this discussion in person anyway.”

“Be there in half an hour?”

“Please bring coffee.”

“Was already planning on it.”

~

When Jocelyn and Clay showed up, Jim was sitting on the couch reading while Leonard talked to Joanna’s doctor.

“You couldn’t’ve waited until I got here?” Jocelyn asked bitterly.

“I was talking to Leonard about what I’ve been up to lately, Ms. Darnell,” Dr. Fisher answered.

“He doesn’t need to be in here.” Jocelyn pointed to Jim.

“Then Clay doesn’t need to either,” Leonard gestured toward the older man standing a foot behind Jocelyn.

She scowled at Leonard, then said, “Go on, Doctor.”

***

Jim started spending about the same amount of time at the hospital as Leonard did. Jocelyn didn’t stop scowling at him every time she saw him.

After about four days, Leonard was woken up by someone gently shaking him and whispering, “Bones,” urgently.

“Why are you waking me up?” he grumbled as he looked over at Jim who had apparently showed up at some unholy hour of the morning, better known at six.

Jim just pointed over at the bed. Leonard bolted up so fast he almost knocked Jim onto the floor.

“Daddy,” Joanna whispered, her lower lip trembling.

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” Leonard gave her a small smile as he sat on the edge of the bed brushing her dark hair out of her eyes.

She reached out for him and he took her hand, glancing over his shoulder at Jim, who was staring at the two of them.

“Can you get a nurse?” Leonard asked.

Jim nodded and walked out of the room.

“Daddy,” Joanna whined tugging on his hand trying to get him closer.

“I can’t give you a hug until I have the ok.” He rubbed her arm gently.

~

The second he had the ok half an hour later, Leonard pulled Joanna onto his lap and held her close.

“Your mama and Clay should be here too soon,” he said softly after a few minutes slowly combing the knots out of her hair with his fingers.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Yes. The nurse called them. They’ll be here soon.”

“I don’t want them.”

“Jo, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t like Clay,” she mumbled into Leonard’s shirt.

Leonard restrained himself from saying “me too” and answered, “Well, that’s not very nice to say.”

“Clay’s not very nice.”

“Why’s that?”

“He yells at me. Tells me to be quiet when I’m talking to Mama.”

“Are you interrupting?” Leonard asked rubbing her back.

“No. Never,” a voice from the doorway said.

Leonard looked over his shoulder to see Jocelyn standing in the doorway.

“She’s always perfectly polite. Never interrupts,” Jocelyn continued. “Clay just…He’d rather she stayed quiet.”

He turned back to Joanna, who was hiding her face in his chest and gripping his shirt. Jocelyn walked over so she was standing in front of Leonard and Joanna.

“What happened in that car, Jocelyn? And don’t you dare lie to me,” Leonard asked unsure if he was more scared of the answer, angry at what the answer could be, or heartbroken at the sight of his baby girl sniffling in his arms.

“We’d gone out to dinner. It was Clay’s birthday. I had a little too much wine so I couldn’t drive, and Clay had only had one beer. At least that I remember. Joanna was telling me about her day and he was getting frustrated telling her to be quieter because he was trying to focus on driving. Eventually he just turned around for a few seconds to tell her to just be quiet. Though, it was more like yelling. And the roads were a bit slick from the rain and he lost control.”

Leonard tightened his hold on Joanna who was borderline sobbing. “And how often? Besides the crash. How often does he yell at her?”

“More often than I care to think about.”

“When?”

“Everyday. Louder when he’s drunk.”

“How often is he drunk?” Leonard was doing everything he could to keep his voice steady.

“Often. Couple times a week.”

“I want custody.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want her going back to live with him.”

Jocelyn nodded.

“Full custody.”

“Ok.”

“Including from the second she’s released.”

“Ok, I’ll call my lawyer.” Jocelyn looked at Joanna for a long moment, utterly heartbroken, before walking out.

~

Once Joanna was calmed down, she started looking around the hospital room. Until her gaze landed on Jim sitting on the couch flipping through a comic book with black framed glasses perched on his nose.

“Who are you?” she asked.

Jim looked up and pushed his glasses back up. “I’m Jim. I’m your daddy’s…”

“Boyfriend,” Leonard finished for him.

Joanna looked at him then at Leonard. “He looks nice.”

Had Jim not be continuing to stare at Leonard in shock, he would have laughed.

“He is.”

“He doesn’t yell?”

“No, he can get a little loud when he gets excited, but I know of someone else who does that too.” Leonard winked at her.

Jim took his glasses off and set them on top of the comic book as he stood. He walked over to the bed, pulling the chair next to it closer and sitting down. “I don’t like when people yell when they get upset either, so I don’t.”

“I’m Joanna,” she said shifting around on Leonard’s lap so she could stick out her hand that wasn’t in a cast.

Jim grinned at her as he shook her hand.

***

Six months later

Leonard mentally prepared himself for the chaos his apartment no doubt was in. It always ended up a mess when he left the two of them alone for more than an hour. It had been ten hours between a partial shift in the operating room, meetings, and a final meeting with Jocelyn, their lawyers, and a judge to finalize the custody agreement.

When he opened the front door, he sighed. There were blankets and pillows everywhere. Joanna’s dolls were scattered on the floor not far from the coffee table, half-finished game of Life sat on the kitchen table. And it was quiet which could either be really good or really bad.

He sighed as he walked down the hall, far too tired to deal with the mess until the morning. He stopped in the doorway to Joanna’s room and smiled.

“Daddy,” she smiled when she saw him. She very carefully closed the old comic book in her hands and put it on her nightstand as he walked over.

“I see you wore poor Jim out,” Leonard laughed.

“Just a little,” Jim said as he opened his eyes before getting up from where he laid next to her.

“Did you already brush your teeth?” Leonard asked.

“Yes,” Joanna nodded.

“Then it’s time for you to get some sleep.”

Jim leaned down and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, Jojo.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Jim,” she answered before he walked out of the room.

“Did you have fun?” Leonard asked as he tucked her in.

“Lots.”

“No fires I should know about?”

She laughed, then looked up at him as seriously as she could and asked, “Are you gonna ask him, Daddy?”

“Soon, now sleep.” He kissed her forehead and turned out the light.

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

“Goodnight, Jo.” He closed the door leaving a small crack, then walked to the main room where Jim was cleaning up the game on the kitchen table. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the blond, kissing his neck. “Just leave it.”

“And have you upset about having to clean up the mess I made and then left?”

“You can help clean up in the morning.”

“I’m not driving all the way back here just for that. I mean, I love you and all, but…”

“Then don’t.”

Jim turned around and looked at Leonard curiously. “So, do you want me to help clean up or not? Cause I can’t go home and clean up your apartment from mine.”

“Then make this our apartment. Not mine. Ours.”

“Are you sure?”

“You practically live here already. Might as well make it official.”

“Our apartment. I like how that sounds,” Jim grinned nodding.

“Let’s go to bed.” Leonard went to pull away but was pulled closer to Jim instead as the blond pressed his lips to Leonard’s. “Bed,” he repeated when Jim pulled away.

“Yes, dear,” Jim teased as he walked away.

Leonard shook his head slowly as he locked the front door before heading to bed. He poked his head into Joanna’s room and whispered, “He said yes.”

When he walked away, Joanna smiled to herself.

All fics: @auduna-druitt @yourtropegirl @goodnightwife @thinkwritexpress-official @captainsbabysitter-blog @shewolf-2013 @the-space-goddess-16 @mustanglegends @outside-the-government @emmkolenn @feelmyroarrrr @anotherotter @captain-amelia-bradley @goingknowherewastaken

McKirk: @meterorite-queen @skull-in-a-jar @shewhorunswithfandoms @watchoutforthatsarlaccpitt @t-hy-lla @medicatemedrmccoy