#this exact post has been in my drafts for like a year now and idk why i never posted it im right

[cc-kote]

Hunter would listen to Nickelback once and have an out of body experience.

[puffskeeter]

Hey I’m such a big fan of your art and I very much enjoy watching your YouTube channel 🤍🤍

And I want to ask you why you don’t ship the ppgxrrb and I want to hear your opinion about it which I can very much respect.

Plus another question that what type of fashion you think your au of the Powerpuff, Rowdyruff, and your Original Characters fall into between I really love how you draw them?

OMG TYSM!! I think i've seen your comments on my videos and TYSM for those too!! :D

I'll make a seperate post for my fashions/aesthetics for RRBORN characters! this one is pretty long even though i wanted it to be short lolz

Why i dont actively ship PPGxRRB:

I'm scrapping my drafted essay post about this for now because its really uncalled for and unnecessary. IDK sorry to anyone who looked forwards 2 it, but i just dont think i illustrate my point very well and more than half of it is lowkey a biased vent post and pure rambling. Either way this is the TLDR for the post you'll never see LOL.

But actually, I do ship PPGxRRB, i've just drifted away from it over the years. I think one of the biggest 'problems' i have with PPG x RRB is mainly with the portrayal of it. My main issue is with how a lot of people mischaracterize the RRB/PPG and completely deconstruct them as characters so that they can be love interests for the eachother and nothing more. One of my points in my scrapped post was that; I have no idea how an entire fandom managed to gender-bend the Bechdel test, but it is rare that i find PPGxRRB media where the RRB have actual lives, interests, hobbies, and friends that have nothing to do with the PPG. Half the time they can barely have a thought if it isn't about the PPG. As i said, Gender-bent Bechdel test.

Another point was that: ppgxrrb has gained a horrible reputation for itself over the years. Back in its "Glory" days, Toxic fans of the ships had bulldozed anything that differs from their favorite empty dynamics. Those usually being The Reds, Blues, and Greens. Nowadays i still see almost nothing in the realms of variety between creators interpretations of the ships. Almost every time i see a PPGxRRB post, it can fit into a set dynamic that the ship is already infamous for.

I want to be able to see the creators love and passion for their ships. I want to know how and why these characters ended up together. If a story is to be told, i want to hear it. I know that the majority of PPGxRRB creators are, by default, amateurs (they dont get paid and its not on a professional scale), but after seeing the exact same badly written love story hundreds , maybe even thousands of times with little-to-no variety, I've gotten bored and tired of people devaluing my favorite characters to be nothing more than overplayed dynamics and shipping fuel.

A lot of people like shipping because of the dynamics, but ship dynamics don't hook me in, and ive noticed that most PPGxRRB stuff is purely ship dynamics and nothing more. Theres nothing wrong with loving ship dynamics or being drawn to ships for their specific dynamics! I just dont care about dynamics, i care about chemistry and story. But most amateurs cant effectively show the chemistry or write the story, a lot of them can barely characterize the 2 characters in their ships.

FYI this isnt about anyone specific or even many recent fans of PPGxRRB. I've been in/around the online PPG fandom since before 2016, and a lot of my thoughts/feelings on the matter have a lot to do with stuff that happened over the years i've loved this series, and more specifically, The RowdyRuff Boys.

To be clear: When i say that they are mischaracterized, i'm not talking about HC's. I'm just tired of seeing the PPG and RRB dulled down into one-note personalities with stereotypical characterization and almost always no tangible character development. A love story is still a story, and a lot of shippers seem to half ass the "story" for favor of the "love".

I dont hate or even dislike PPG x RRB. I'm just really tired of rarely seeing people do the RRB justice, and i want these characters to be treated with the full respect that i think they deserve.

WOW this post is way to long already... still a lot shorter than my OG post. Sorry for being insane about the RRB. it will happen again.

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

What are your thoughts on BTS's future and TK's future with BTS? I have a gut feeling BTS aren't going to reconvene in 2025. Especially with Bang's uncertainty shown in the press conference.

Maybe TK aren't re-signing? Idk what to think

Ok this ask has been in my drafts for nearly a fortnight. Firstly, I wanted to apoligise to the original sender that it took me this long to get sorted. Last week was busy with work and I've also had to deal with a tonne of asks too. So apologies.

This post is also F.A.O. @nonalisa @lullaby-of-taekook @taekookgotjamz  who asked about my thoughts so to you and the rest of you...

First, I'll give a bit of context and then my thoughts on what might be happening now and could happen in the future....

First, the context:

This will be broken up into 3 parts...

2018 & the 2020 contract

Fake Rumours about contracts and lack of support

What HYBE are saying

2018 & the New 2020 contract.

We can't talk about the future without looking back to the previous renegotiation.

In 2017, BTS were close to breaking point and in early 2018 contemplating disbandment. Under this cloud BigHit initiated negotiations with BTS, over several months the boys renegotitated there second phase contract, due to start in June 2020, and most likely an adjustment to the then current contract.

I have speculated that BTS, and in particular Taekook, used Dispatch to hint at them being a couple as form of contract negotiation.

Whatever happened BTS re-signed.

It should be noted that BH suggested that BTS use their own lawyers and even to consult with their parents about the contract proposals.

I feel the new contract afforded BTS a lot more autonomy and control over their futures, content and lives. First indications of this was the two-month break in 2019.

It's clear from June 2020 there is a stark change in how the boys are presented and how they interact both in front and behind the camera.

Most reports indicated that the new contract was until 2026

Major news outlets would not report that date unless it came directly from BH.

Then in 2020 during the IPO of BH on the Korean Stock Market, this came out...

So why the two dates? My initial thought was a 5 year contract with an option to extent for 2 years. However, I now think the answer is a lot simpler, BTS signed a 5 year deal which factored in 2 year time out for military enlistment, so there would be an automatic extension to 2026, hence why nearly all news outlets in 2018 mention this obvious press release date.

The Fake Rumour(s) about Contracts

Between June 2020 and now amongst some Taekookers and solo stans there is a perception that HYBE is sideling and not supporting Tae and JK.

Then, in Jan 2023, a Taekook twitter account started circulating a "blind item" claiming to be from October 2020 about how 5 members of BTS had re-signed/extended their contract, but 1 member hadn't, and another was supportive of them (despite there being not a single shred of evidence of such a blind item existing back in 2020)...

Then BANG! on 11th February, on the well-known blind item website CrazyDaysCrazyNights, the exact same blind item resurfaced but with 2023 twist that set out to villainise HYBE and Scooter Braun...

My guess, because people can submit gossip to CDCN, someone did this recently for this blind.

Following it's posting, it was clear that some Taekookers and Solo JK/Tae Stans used this blind as justification for their fav's perceived lack of support from the company (despite that not exactly being the case) and ongoing assumption that Taekook were the only ones who hadn't re-signed, and will not enlist and would leave BH after 2024. Obviously forgetting that not a few days earlier they claimed this all happened back in 2020. Odd that isn't it....

These rumours were initially compounded by JK's Lives on Weverse, where he talks about not working on his album that he's not doing much. Then within days, we hear about Tae's work and promotion of it, as well as JK going to work and rumours of a BA with Calvin Klein.

HYBE, BigHit and Band PD....

As the speculation grew - within the fandom about how supposedly some of the members, particularly Taekook weren't getting the same level of support from the company - we suddenly start seeing statements and interviews, reiterating that the company supports all members in their solo projects.

In particular, Bang PD does an interview and conference where he talks about the future of K-Pop. He specifically mentioned BTS and that they are currently in contract renewal talks with BH. So unlike the blind all the members are currently negotiating their new contract, but it's likely nothing will resolve until BTS return from enlistment.

My thoughts...

I'll break this down into BTS as a whole and what might be the key points in the contract talks, then look briefly at Taekook.

BTS

BTS back in 2018 decided to renegotiate together as 1 and got a new contract as a collective. That contract I think gave them a lot more freedom, control and opportunities for solo activities until 2024/26 from June 2020.

During this new contract negotiation, which likely started last year, it's clear they're doing the same thing. We know this because RM stated it in his Live the other day. I think the catch up with Jin last week, whilst was about catching up with him it was also about the new contract. RM also stated it would be resolved until they all return from the military.

I think the new contract is about allowing BTS to create music and go on tours together every few years and in between allow them to grow as soloists too. As well as, giving them even more control over their time and music.

This is where a new BTS Label, separate from BigHit and HYBE, could come into play. It will be like what Apple Records was like for the Beatles. However, this may be the biggest sticking point for HYBE, it would be predominantly owned by BTS, with HYBE as a minority shareholder. I also wonder if BTS want their Masters, as this would increase their control. I think HYBE want to retain as much control/profit as the can from BTS, but obviously the boys want more of that for themselves too. So, I think a compromise will be reached.

I do think HYBE will give them most of the control and freedom they want and possibly more control/ownership over their Masters.

Taekook

There is a perception in certain quarters that Tae and JK are victims and are just riding out their contract until 2024. That doesn't tally with what they and the other members have said. I definitely think all 7 re-sign with BH/HYBE in some way. But I wonder if Taekook want some specific for them included too. I could see them asking for no "fanservice" moments, but that's small fry. Could they want a managed (sort of) coming out plan? That's possible. In light of recent events, could they want HYBE to support them officially moving in together as flatmates?

These are all interesting questions and thoughts I currently have.

Final thought:

What is clear though to me, is that BTS will be re-signing with HYBE in some way, and we'll possibly get that announcement shortly after the last members return from the military.

[bereft-of-frogs]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition] how about 10,11,29, or 30?

10. What work was the quickest to write?

It was either closure or the lack thereof, which I technically wrote 2 drafts of and posted over a weekend but I did have that idea kicking around since 2021, so from concept to post it was probably either with teeth we've come this far or I feel like I'm borrowing all my time, because I came up with the ideas for whumptober and finished them. All the others existed as idea bulletpoints or little jotted down paragraphs before Sept 1 but those two were completely contained.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

While the dark ocean duology did take me all summer after I'd initially thought it would take a couple weeks tops, the winner has to be the first chapter of omens and all kinds of signs which was at 60% done for 2 years. I honestly don't know that I would have finished it if I hadn't decided to post it serially, so yeah little plug for writing serially. It was really just to get back on the horse after having an off year last year.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

I really like this bit where Greez is like 'wtf' in 'I feel like I'm borrowing all my time':

This all feels like an overwhelming, insurmountable task. Greez wishes he hadn’t been chosen for it. He knows how important it is, wants desperately to find the kid before he can be hurt, but it really feels beyond him. He misses the Mantis, misses the rest of the crew, even the little droid and the stowaway bogling. He misses feeling like he understands his place in the universe. His mind struggles to keep up with how long it’s been. A couple of hours? Days? Five years but wound in reverse? He knows it shouldn’t feel like five years, but it kind of does. It feels like the warmth and safety of home is something he lost long ago, or perhaps never had. Now that Cal’s missing from his proper place, it all feels like none of it ever actually happened. It both exists in his memory and doesn’t, like a distant dream. Greez shivers. All of this is very, very wrong. Cere is staring at the fire again, an inscrutable look on her face. Greez decides to fill the silence with: “I guess we have to hope they didn’t take him to Nur.” Cere whirls on him abruptly. “Of course we have to hope they didn’t take him to Nur.” “I just mean that…” Greez swallows. It’s started raining harder, raising more steam and smoke from the fires. The smoke makes his eyes sting. Cere waits for an explanation, brow furrowed. “Don’t we have to avoid…I just mean…you shouldn’t meet yourself, right? That’s one of the rules of this sort of thing, isn’t it? At least, it was in the cheesy dramas my grandmother was always watching…” “Oh.” Cere turns back to the fire. “I hadn’t considered that.”

Apologies for the length of it but I like it both for the 1) 'it shouldn't feel like five years but it does' bit, just leaning into time travel being WEIRD. Also I think I slipped up a couple times responding to comments and referred to 'timelines' but as best I can come up with for fitting time travel into SW worldbuilding....there are no alternate timelines really. Because time isn't really...real. So Greez is right, once things have started changing, they change in the future as well so it all both does and doesn't exist at the same time...idk if I ever went further on the time travel concept it would be along these lines, rather than having distinct alternate timelines.

2) the very human moment of filling an awkward silence with the exact wrong thing. XD It's such a little thing but I ended up LOVING the "Greez decided to fill the silence with" dialogue tag. XD

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

I'm going to answer this one with a screenshot of my ideas list I found while cleaning it up this weekend:

I don't want to sound like too much of a curmudgeon (though the ship has probably said on that one)*, but I can't stress enough how surprising it was that one of my biggest 'nope, would never write' became one of my favorite fics of the year. Now I feel like I can't said I'd never write something. Growth?

(*and just to stress, like...for me writing/reading, don't take this personally. I use the exclude tags but please don't take this as like a judgement, I just have never really liked them and got a bit grumpy about just how popular they were when I came back to reading Star Wars fic a couple years ago)

[ ao3 wrapped ]

[avid-avian-lives]

rancher omens au development nov. 11

in addition to being one of the Them, Scott is going to make an appearance in the history section as a former friend/lover of Jimmy. currently, I'm looking into the best ways that he could fit in. details under the cut! this one has a few bulleted lists, so I'll save you the scroll :>

at the bottom of this post is a poll!! y'all can put in your two cents on my conundrum here

in all cases they'd probably stay together for about ten years before Jimmy decides to leave or Scott dies, depending

the first draft I made takes place in 1906, where Jimmy meets Scott (a flower seller) while moping over Tango (who he hasn't seen in fifty years.) after a while, he moves into Scott's flower field. but Jimmy feels an obligation to help in the face of WWI and fakes his own death since he can't tell Scott the truth or bring himself to lie and say he wants to leave.

pros:

Tango has to know about Scott, and he could find out during the 1941 minisode. that could be a really cute moment in which Scott (now much older) says something like "you look so much like someone I used to know"

I really struggled with finding a reason for Jimmy to leave Scott that didn't have them ending on a bad note, and I don't want it to end on a bad note. WWI works as a great excuse for this

poppies were a symbol of death during WWI, meaning that theoretically, a blessing from Jimmy on Scott's flowers could've caused that. that would mean that Scott sold thousands of poppies in the years following WWI in a beautiful gesture towards a man he lost long ago

cons:

I'm not totally sold on the idea that Jimmy would even entertain the idea of friendship with Scott while he's so miserable over Tango. I really caked on the angst during the 1854 scene, so Jimmy wouldn't just get over it (he only barely does so in 1967.)

something doesn't fit about Scott knowing about the tavern. if that's somewhere he regularly goes to sell flowers, even after Jimmy "died," then he should be able to recognize the exact same building that supposedly got sold to someone else many years ago.

currently, Scott just kinda... walks into the tavern?? talk about pushy salesman

my second idea was that they met somewhere between rome (41AD) and wessex (535AD). I'm not totally sure how that timeline would work and I haven't written anything for it lol

pros:

the main pro is that I think it would be reeeeeallly sweet if Jimmy named Scotland after Scott bc "it's his place, he belonged here"

it would also not interfere much with the overarching timeline bc there's a huuuuge expanse of time (~500 years) that is given no official content, so I have a lot of space to work with

cons:

it would be a lot goofier to write bc idk much about the era, but since it's such a wide era I could probably find something to work with

I have no idea how Tango would find out about Scott if it's been hundreds of years since Jimmy saw him. since there's isn't a way that it would end happily, (either Jimmy leaves or Scott dies or something) Jimmy would hardly be volunteering that information. but Tango has to find out somehow, and I want that to be established information somewhere

my third thought was sometime during the 70s with the hippie era

pros:

obviously the theme of "the flower human" (as Tango call him in 2008) fits in fairly well with Scott lol

Tango would be aware of Scott bc he probably met Scott. we could also see Tango get into Queen music which would be kinda funny

cons:

Scott and Tango being around at the same time would be weird. I'm not a huge fan of the idea

established hippie culture doesn't lend itself to two men living alone in a big flower field, so I'm not sure what exactly I'd do with that to work it out

I'd have to take out the line "I'm in love with him, aren't I?" from Jimmy referring to Tango in 1941 bc it wouldn't make much sense to establish that and then turn it around right away

my final thought was during the short stretch of time between Edinburgh (1820s) and St. James Park (1854).

pros:

Tango is missing during this time but comes back soon after

the increased angst potential of 1854 >:) I already increased the angst of this scene and would be all for doing it again

after edinburgh Jimmy would be in Scotland anyway, clearing the tavern problem from 1906

cons:

it's a little pushy in terms of the overarching timeline. both edinburgh and st james are reeeally important parts of the story (even if edinburgh doesn't appear in the history section), and I'm not sure putting another factor in there would be a good idea

I'm also not sure what exactly would happen between them. after a while, Jimmy would spend this time worried about Tango, since he's been missing for 30ish years. would Jimmy be as worried as I need him to be if he spent that time with someone else?

ALRIGHT

currently I only have work down for 1906, but I'll probably end up fleshing out all these ideas more and posting them as bonus content :>

[covenofthearticulate]

12!!!!!

12. what’s some good advice you want to share? Hi this has been sitting in my drafts for over a week now because genuinely I had NO IDEA what to say for the longest time because I...haven't gotten a lot of outstanding advice in my life lmao!!!

But it just hit me the other day though because I've been seeing a lot of those posts here on tumblr about like "do all the things that make your inner child happy! do all the things you dreamed about doing as a kid" and idk I've been thinking about it a lot because on the one hand YES absolutely treat yourself to ice cream or stickers or little things that fill you with joy, like that's lovely and we should always remember to be kinder to ourselves!

But the thing I've been grappling with a lot lately that no one ever told me is that it's okay that your aspirations now are different than your aspirations 10 years ago. Idk, this is just something I have to consistently remind myself of because like...in the fall of this year, I was offered my literal dream job. Like, my actual. DREAM. job. at my dream company. The exact job I wanted since I knew it was a thing people got paid to do. The job I stalked on linkedin throughout college. The job I told people I wanted to eventually land whenever anyone asked me about my "career plan."

I was offered that job.

And I was lucky enough to get to do a trial run of that job (it was a whole mess. I basically stepped in and worked as an interim position for the new job on top of working my other position so i was working two jobs for like 6 months and wanted to kill myself the whole time) only to find that it was NOT what I actually wanted! Turns out said dream job was stressful and not fulfilling at all and didn't allow me the same flexibility to work while also taking care of my family!

So ANYWAY long story short, when it came time to choose if I wanted to take the shiny new dream position or stay in my current position, I kept going back to this idea that I have to take it, because it's everything High School Ashley wanted, I could brag so much to my friends and family, I could be the hometown hero who actually achieved her dreams at 25 years old, I could stick it to all the assholes who told me that it wasn’t a viable career.

But uh. Obviously that didn't happen LOL! I chose not to take the job, and over the past few months I've been learning to let go of all the things I used to idealize as a kid. And I'm also learning that grind culture is bullshit and being stagnant isn't a death sentence!! I stayed in my original job because it makes me happy and my co-workers are lovely and it's much more intellectually stimulating! And I'm really, really happy!

Jesus christ this turned into a very long personal rant but TL;DR— growing up means knowing when to nurture your inner child, but it also means understanding that circumstances change, that wants and needs change, and that your definition of success is something that needs to grow and change as well.

[zerobaseonefics]

IT'S THE ONE AND ONLY OG ANONYMOUS ANON CHOU WASSUP!!

I'm glad you're well! i promise I'll be more online from now on, i even have like 2 pieces almost ready to be posted 🤭 i missed you too bro 💔💔

the only problem is my motivation and shit? like I'm always so determined to do something but that only lasts for max 2 weeks and then it's GONE💀💀 i lost motivation to post so fast ong

but now it's back👹 ALSO CONGRATS ON 800 FOLLOWERS!! 💗💗 gidle would say you're a queencard (and u are)

anyway now back to "chou's awesome life updates and what not", 1) i got accepted into a school that trains me to become a social assistant so daycare chou is in the making!! and 2) i have like 2 weeks vacation rn (one is already used up i might cry)

ALSO I GOT A NEW KITTEN!! AND HE HAS A SMILEY PATTERN ON HIS FUR ON HIS BACK AND HE'S SOOOO CUTE!!!!!! my mom called him happy because it's "easier and smoother to say than smiley" (she's too lazy to move her mouth too much, such an icon)

theres only 1 issue with that- i have a female dog (coco) and they get along well! but she's kinda starting to get into her mom feels?? like happy is trying to drink milk from her (well he's nibbling at her titties to be exact) and now cocos protection instinct is kicking in💀💀 we also have another cat (boo, he's grown tho) and whenever boo and happy want to play coco chimes in and tries to protect happy from boo. so now me n mom need to get her out of that mindset🥴🥴🥴

ANYWAY HERE'S PICTURES OF THEM

cocos picture is idk 3 years old but WHATEVERRRRRRR

btw have you already checked if your predictions for zb1's comeback were correct? i'm curious ngl

:0 aaaaah i cant wait to see what youre going to post!!!

BRO IM EXACTLY THE SAME LIKE???? i remember when i started this blog i was writing so much but now idk i still like it but im in period where i kinda dont want write......... not that i dont want actually, i just open the draft, write 3 sentences and gtfo

but im so glad u got the motivation back!!!! AND THANK YOU HEHE UR A QUEENCARD TOO 🫦

and cONGRATULATIONS FOR THE SCHOOL!! when do u start? enjoy ur vacation bestie 🙏🏼

sTOOOOP NAMING THE KITTEN HAPPY IS JUST SO CUTE + THE FACT HE HAS A LITTLE SMILE SHAPE IS EVEN MORE

what kind of situation is this why did ur dog adopt happy 😧😧😧😧 COCO U R A DOG!!! DOGS CANNOT MOTHER CATS!!!!! but yk i have something similar with this. i have a dog and two cats. the first cat is the mother of the second but yk once the kitten is weaned the mom and the baby no longer recognize each other this way...... so it happens that they fight. however the youngest cat became bestie with my dog like they nap together and the cat follow us when i walk my dog outside. so when the cat fights with her mom the dog just straight up jumps in 💀💀💀

but you'll see!! eventually when happy will grow older it might change

(crying at the pics cuz they're so cute)

i had to go back to find the predictions omg i totally forgot abt them. basically :

zb1 will not get a first win with their debut : it's been only week so we cannot really tell if this one was right or not. however i still think they won't get that first win with in bloom, considering the competition they're facing......

haobin will have the most line and gyuvin, yujin, and matthew the less : was right for everyone but matthew!! gunwook and jiwoong have fewer lines than him.

they will get +10m views on the first day : no they werent even close 🙏🏼 kinda surprised abt this considering kep1 had a lot on the first day and zb1 seemed to have a more anticipated debut

wbu? did you listen to the album now? what do u think abt it?

[emeraldbabygirl]

This has been in my drafts and I am constantly thinking about this and I’m just gonna post it cause I wanna get it off my chest. Might delete later and Idk if it’s gonna like offend anyone cause can’t predict nothing no more about what people find offensive but hey if you read it you read and I cannot control the feelings of others this is just something that has been bothering me for like a few years and I just wanted to get it out and I guess since tumblr is my new diary...

I’ve been filling out white and alaskan native/American Indian on every health paper ever since I was a child, I’ve always done it my sibling and mum have always done it. I grew up believing I had Native American in me, yet I was somehow ashamed that I was native I thought I would get made fun of or that I was a joke. Now that I’m older I’m still a joke. I thought that if it was in my blood and in my ancestry then it mattered and it was better than nothing but it’s not. I’m trying so desperately to belong because I’m tired of being seen as white I got tired of the comments and feeling bad about my skin color and tired of all the things I see in the media and read about that I thought I’ll just unofficially identify as Native American and learn more about natives, as I grew up in a white family. But there’s no point. I grew up in a white family I am white, I have pale skin and blue eyes and dark blonde hair. My mum has dark skin but brown hair and blue eyes. She and my brother have thick hair, I have a great aunt with thick hair and what my mum and I call an Indian nose along with my mum, my great uncle had brown eyes and thick black hair my father’s mum thought she was Native American and had all these art pieces and statues of natives but no one on my father’s side was native. He always said he had German and Irish on his side while my mum had Indian on her’s, she just recently found out she had some Portuguese and black somewhere further down the line, her great great grandfather (idk how many greats) was born and raised on a flathead reservation, Idk which one, my mum’s great aunt tried to go to one of the tribes in Missouri but they wouldn’t let her in, my mum was told the flathead tribes were in Montana and then I find out there’s Salish tribes up in Washington. I have a friend who is Cherekee Indian and she has visited the reservations a lot, she’s got brown hair and brown eyes and darker skin than me, she has Indian pieces passed down or handed to her from her tribes, she’s met with one of the Salish tribes chief up in Washington. I have done none of that I am the stereotypical “white girl who goes to Starbucks” for years I never once thought about my skin color or my race in a bad way I just thought I was mixed with many things but the past 3-4 years I’ve been shoving this Native American blood or whatever you want to call it down my own throat because I hated my skin I hated being white I hated being called white and I wanted to belong. I wanted to be proud of myself in any way I could. I started to braid my hair more often because it made me happy, I bought a book written by a Native American, I got sweatshirts with tribe names on them I followed natives online I felt like I was in a spot where I belonged for once that I was comfortable again with who I was I was learning more about flatheads and all kinds of things I was looking at native products online and watching videos on how to do stuff like beading and making frybread, I was making frybread for the first time in my life, my mum had been wanting to make it for awhile I was doing all this stuff cause I thought it was helping and making me feel better and proud of who I am and it’s done the exact opposite. I spent 21 years of my life having never stepped foot on a reservation, having never learned how to bead or make frybread or go to a powwow, (and I’ve always always wanted to go to one), I know few things about Native Americans and their cultures compared to people who are actually Native American, compared to people who are aware of the cultures and beliefs, aware of what their people went through, their people not my people, I was calling them my people, my mum is 1/16 native yet has native features, if only it would’ve been kept in the family then maybe I’d look the part but it didn’t all my ancestors mixed and the ending result is what I’ve always been; white. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t white I wish I had a culture and a way of life I wish I had something to be proud of I wish I had people that I was around to teach me everything I wish I belonged,

I wish I knew the history and was able to see things differently. The reason I don’t always agree with things involving native Americans, like why dressing up as one for Halloween is wrong or why it’s important that the tribes get their land back is because I am not them. Other then my supposed native family I’ve seen two other people that I could tell were truly native. If I say “oh it doesn’t matter if I don’t look it I am” or “it’s in my blood therefore I am” but it’s more than that it’s about the way you live the things you stick up for the people you surround yourself with it’s much more then the color of your skin or deciding to not celebrate thanksgiving anymore and all of a sudden make frybread cause you want to claim you’re native. Just because it’s in my families past doesn’t mean it’s still around. I’m like 00000000.1% native and I literally know next to nothing compared to people who are 100% or even 50%. And I want to learn I want to learn how to make frybread or bead or speak in a native language I want to be around other native people I want to hear stories and traditions from others I want to learn about the history and the culture I want to belong but I don’t think I should. Even my brother calls us white and asks me why I’m on a “Native American kick” or why I’m “obsessed with native Americans all of a sudden” i just wanted to feel good about myself and feel like I belong so I grabbed that 000000000.1% and ran with it. Ran right off a cliff tbh. I don’t think I should be calling myself Native American if I don’t know next to nothing about them. I don’t think I should be trying to be someone I’m clearly not. I’m just the same loser I was when I was a kid. And I feel even more stupid for wanting to name the kittens Salish and aponi (because it looks like one of the kittens has a butterfly on her face) and for wanting the company jacket that I might not even get to say Salish on the back instead of my name, I am not part of the Salish tribe I have no card I have no certificate I have nothing, I put mmiw and Salish and flathead in my bios on my social medias and it’s basically a lie I mean I know about mmiw and what it stands for but how can I support something like that if I know nothing about it and I’m not native. I’m just for some reason faking the past two years of my life I’m just a total loser bro. I think maybe I’d rather just be unalive. Or like I’ll hear parts in songs or see idols doing something that Native American might find offensive and wrong I I say “oh I see it as representation” or Mia and the butter of the logo change of the winter hawks or the landmarks and name that get changed that I don’t see a problem with but others do yet I’ll say that the teepee in this mv isn’t okay but I was okay with that one Tara mv or I was okay with gildes fire performance but not seungri wearing a headdress or that I find people making and selling headdresses online isn’t okay but me wanting to have one even tho I know you don’t just get one of buy one like all these things that I see “differently” it’s just that I don’t understand because I’m not native enough or not at all or the whole hair argument that’s been bothering me for like a year now that I still don’t understand and why Native American are totally ok with it but it seems like the rest of their culture is something they don’t want to share.

[wickedpact]

i feel like we’ve absolutely had this conversation before but i can’t be bothered to actually check if we have- but there’s So Much “nicky isn’t good with words” content (and like, i don’t completely hate it in uses of maybe aus where nicky hasn’t been alive for nearly 1,000 years) but the thing is is that canonically, we’ve seen nicky be scary good with words. like i will die on the nicolò “acts of service to show love” di genova hill. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to use his words!! he might not say as much but when he does speak there is a certain... weight behind his words? he says things with a purpose and a meaning. even if it may seem he’s saying something casually, there’s so much behind it??? but again, i’m just working with the movie as my source, and we only saw a very uhh?? brief bit of their lives so really we need a sequel to explore all this more. - 2ta

you 🤝 the same fucking braincell 🤝 me

when we were talking about nicky being both reserved and Not Reserved like.. idk a couple weeks ago i Almost made another post that i typed up at like 3 in the morning and then saved as a draft (bc it was three in the morning ofc)

i never posted it but it was like the same fucking thing you just said. like. nicky is not only good with words and good at expressing himself, but i also think of him as pretty social

like tldr

1. nicky is, like you said, Good at talking 2 ppl. Scary good. there are multiple instances through the movie of nicky shutting someone The Fuck Up via just talking to them a little. i mean in the train scene he gets andy (ANDY!!! stubborn andy!!) and book (BOOK!!! the guy who greatly benefits if they dont go after another immortal!!) to concede to his point abt nile after saying like 3 sentences to them. he strikes kozak speechless. he makes merrick run scared from his own lab. nickys GOOD with words and good at expressing himself and good at talking to people & good at making people agree with him, even if they wont admit it

2. i think its kind of pointed that in the scene where he says hello to the little girl in s. sudan, hes in the back of the group? like, we’re shown andy, book, and joe all passing the sudanese people without saying a word. nicky is the only one who greets them, despite the fact that it wouldve been hardly rude to not to.

so hes not only good with words, but hes also social. he says hi to strangers he passes in the street. tho a lot of interpretations of joe and nicky have joe being the social one and nicky being the introverted/awkward/shy one, i actually think of nicky as the more social between the two, and honestly maybe even the most social of the group. book and andy dont exactly strike me as gushing extroverts

altho i have to admit i think of them all at least slightly extroverted (i mean joe at least was a merchant. theres no way he could be Bad with people). i just think of nicky as just a little Bit More social

like. consider a diagram i made like 3 weeks ago

theyre both social. nickys just. a little more.

3. ik weve all talked endlessly abt nicky being a priest but like... being a priest is a social job. idk how Priesthood(TM) has changed between now and the 1000s but i doubt that particular facet has changed. priests are involved in their community. the whole point of being a priest is talking to people. i assume nicky chose to be a priest, thus his chosen career was a social one that involves talking to people as a core aspect.

& i agree that its definitely up in the air regarding whether younger nicky/ au nicky would be social/good at expression or not. However it always feels silly when joe is like.. the same exact guy circa 1100 as he is in 2020 but nicky is radically different in terms of how he expresses himself and his social habits. same goes for aus.

i mean. at the end of the day, im not the fandom police, and i dont ever wanna give off the impression that im like.. trying to tell fic authors what to write bc i get thats annoying as hell.

(and i mean i get it. nicky talks softly, doesnt have Marwan Kenzari’s Expressive Eyebrows, and is shown to be a bit of a bookworm. shy/introvert!nicky is a easy conclusion 2 come to. i simply Dont agree with it)

[chibsytelford]

Queen of my Heart

* GIF CREDIT TO CREATOR *

word count - 2139

warnings - slight mention of strangulation, murder, swearing, angst - I think that’s it. 

a/n - i haven’t described reader at all. I’m actually really nervous to post this for some reason. I am sure this is the longest thing I have written yet, and idk just nervous. Reblogs and comments are welcomed, and if you would like to be added/removed from my taglist just let me know!

P.s I didn’t mean for it to be this long, and it is kinda based on the song Queen of my Heart by Westlife (my guilty pleasure). Italics are flashbacks and the lyrics.

You knew from the start that getting into a relationship with Angel Reyes might not have been the best decision. Pasts will do that to you. You knew when you first laid eyes on him, that inside he was hiding his pain. The only reason you noticed it was because you were hiding the exact same pain as him. Normally, you avoided guys with baggage, because frankly you could barely deal with your own, never mind someone else’s, but something about him just kept you gravitating more towards him, as each day passed.

It started out in his father’s butcher shop, you had just finished work and you were in the mood for some steak, so you finally checked out la carniceria and you knew the second you walked in you were in trouble. All you wanted was a bit of steak, but you left with (not that you were complaining) Angel Reyes’ phone number. He gave you some standard cheesy pick up line, his smile not quite reaching his eyes, and you knew as soon as he opened his mouth that you were done for, your ‘I don’t do baggage rule’ going straight out the shop door.

It took you a few days to text him. You actually drafted up a ‘Why I should text Angel Reyes list’ and a ‘Why I shouldn’t text Angel Reyes list’ and funnily enough, the list that had more on it was the ‘Why I shouldn’t list’ but as it turns out, the lists were pointless, because you text him anyway.

Your first date you walked around the streets of Santo Padre, just chatting away about life in general, what you did for a job, what he did for a job (he didn’t tell you that much, just that he was in a club with some other men) and of course you didn’t want to pry, it was the first date and all. You spoke about pretty much everything, except the past. It was too early for that. At the end of it, he walked you home, and left you on your door step, wishing you had invited him in, wishing you had kissed him, wishing you had asked him on a second date. But you didn’t need to wait long for a second date.

2 days after your first date, you were on the back of Angel’s motorbike, both hands wrapped tightly around his torso. He had insisted on taking his bike, he wanted you to enjoy the thrill of it as much as he did, and if you were being honest, it was absolutely thrilling, as well as absolutely terrifying. He drove you both to a small forest, where you enjoyed a picnic and the scenery and the attention that Angel was giving you. It was then you decided to pry, just a little bit.

“Tell me Angel, what secret are you carrying?” You asked catching him off guard.

“What makes you think I’m carrying any?” He responded, popping a strawberry in his mouth, conveniently answering a question with another question.

“Honestly? The first time I saw you, when you gave me that hideous pick up line” you both laughed at the memory “the smile you gave me afterwards, it was genuine, but it wasn’t quite a full smile, you know?”

Angel took a moment to gather his thoughts. First he rubbed his beard, then he rubbed his neck, and then he fiddled with his fingers. You placed your hand over his, comforting him, silently telling him there was no rush to answer the question.

He sighed, and slightly shifted his body so he could look at you. “Well, uh, the thing is, I’m not good at this shit, feelings” you could see the pain etched on his face, the way his eyebrows twitched and the way he couldn’t meet your eyes for more than a second.

“Do you want me to go first?” you softly asked, brushing your fingers across his ringed hand, soothing him, and yourself. You knew if you expected him to open up so soon, you had to give him something back.

Angel swiftly nodded, and relaxed slightly, and it was his turn to rub circled on your hand, silently telling you he was listening.

“I came to Santo Padre to get away from my family, my step father specifically”. You took a deep breath and continued “he was horrible. But for some reason, my mother couldn’t bring herself to leave him, something about love. I don’t know” you hated telling this story, if you could call it that, but something about Angel just made you want to tell him everything. “One day, I got home and found him on top of my mother, his hands around her throat, and so I grabbed a kitchen knife, and I stabbed him until I knew he was dead.” Angel’s body tensed and he stopped caressing your hand for a split second, shocked at your revelation. You pulled your hand away instantly, wrapping them around your body.

“Shit Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through that” Angel murmured, pulling you into him and placing a soft kiss on your temple, but you could tell his demeanour had changed slightly.

“My mother luckily vouched for my version of events, and so I got away with it, but that feeling of killing someone never leaves you, it takes over your mind and soul” you felt Angel nodding at your remark, like he was admitting he had killed someone too. “Anyway, I stayed there for another few years, in that godforsaken house, but I knew, deep down, as much as she tried to hide it, my mother looked at me differently, so I got out of there, and came here a few years ago, I’ve been laying low, still trying to wrap my head around what I done, that’s probably why you’ve never seen me before. It was fate that took me to your father’s shop” you nudged him in the shoulder, trying to lift the mood slightly.

“That it was” Angel replied back, “And I guess now it’s my turn huh” you nodded in agreement. “Well, I lost my mother, Marisol, years ago. She was murdered” As soon as Angel uttered those words, you knew why he had tensed earlier and you knew why he was just that little bit colder towards you. Because you had murdered someone, and his mother was murdered. “We found the guy, but we kept him alive. He was ordered to do it” You weren’t sure if Angel would want you to touch him, so you kept your hands to yourself, waiting for him to continue his story. “I carry the pain of her death with me every single day, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it” he admitted.

“Of course you won’t, it’s your family, your mother and that will always stick with you in your heart” you said, reassuring him that it was normal. “It seems we are both pretty fucked up, huh?” Angel commented, lifting the mood once again ever so slightly.

“Do you look at me differently now? Knowing that I murdered someone?  I did to my stepfather what someone did to your beloved mother” you questioned.

Angel took a second to answer. “You had your reasons, reasons I agree with, so no, I don’t feel differently towards you” but as Angel said that, you were second guessing him, and you always would.

After your second date, when you got home, Angel asked you to officially be his girlfriend. You said yes, but there was still a small part of you that thought it was a bad idea, and that it could only end badly. You thought Angel only asked you to be his girl because you both shared stories of your past and you clicked together, and you said yes, because you really liked him, but also because you thought you deserved happiness, and he did too, even though you still carried the thought inside you that Angel looked at you a little different after your revelation. You knew you were being selfish, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

 Recently Angel had been spending more time with the club, over time you had learned completely what they did, and you stood by Angel. Everyone had their reasons for doing things, and you knew that better than most people. You felt that he was avoiding you more than usual, staying out later, leaving earlier in the mornings, barely responding to texts, and something inside you, just didn’t really care anymore. You had had a wonderful couple years being by Angel’s side, but you always knew that something like this might happen.

You quickly fired a text to Angel telling him to meet you at your place. The forest where your second date took place.  

He arrived on his bike 5 minutes after you, and you watched him walk towards you. It seemed to take an eternity until he was standing in front of you. It was the same place, but you felt like a completely different person standing here now, a few years on.

“Hey” you said, letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thanks for coming”

“Of course I came” he answered back, rubbing the back of his neck. You wondered if he was feeling the same as you. It would make the whole thing a bit easier if he did.

“I just wanna-“  Angel cut you off, holding a hand up to stop you talking. “Can I go first?” You nodded at him, secretly glad he wanted to.

“I love you, I really do, but I think you know as well as me, we stopped working months ago, I’m not good at this shit, feelings” you both said together, causing a small smile from the man stood in front of you. “Exactly, I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’ve been distant lately, the shit with the club has taken over my life completely, but I think I’m just realising now, that we jumped into this too quickly” Angel revealed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You nodded, acknowledging what he said and taking a second to gather your thoughts.

“I mean, Angel, I love you too, but I have to admit, you’re right. I should be angry you’ve been coming home late, I should be angry that you barely reply to my texts, but honestly I haven’t been. I think we did rush into this like you said, after our second date, where we both revealed our pasts, I think we took comfort in knowing that our pasts were out there, and we weren’t being judged. I know that now”. You both visibly relaxed slightly, and the atmosphere shifted too. It was calm. Nice.

Angel made the first move, grabbing your hand and placing a soft kiss on your palm. You closed your eyes for a second, engraving the memory of the kiss in your mind.

“Thank you Y/N, for trusting me with your secret, for listening to my pain and past, for just being you. I know we didn’t work out, but I just want you to know, I will always remember you.” Angel wiped a stray tear that had managed to escape his eyes. “Fuck, look at me” he laughed.

So here we stand in our secret place

Where the sound of the crowd is so far away

You take my hand, and it feels like home

We both understand, it where we belong

So do I say, do I say goodbye

We both have our dreams we both want to fly

So let’s take tonight, to carry us through the lonely times

“God Angel, you’ve got me crying now” you laughed back also wiping away your tears.  “I’m glad we met. You accepted me for who I am, and for that I will always thank you, and cherish you. Who knows, maybe under different circumstances, we would have worked out, but I can honestly say I’m thankful for the years we have spent together, it just wasn’t meant to be”.

You and Angel gave each other one last hug, one last smile, one last look. “Take care, querida, I’ll always remember you” Angel whispered, placing your hand over his heart.  He then let go and headed back to his bike. You watched him walk away, you watched him climb onto the bike and you watched him drive away from you. You were sad of course, but you knew that it was for the best.

@rebelwrites​ @mayans-sauce​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @encounterthepast​ @angelreyesgirl​ @starrynite7114​ @jadesamhart​ @fangirlingaesthetics​ @trulysuccubus​ @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @queenbeered​ @lauraashley93​ @deeandbobbymcgee​ @shelliechen​ @calif0rnia-lovers​ @yourwonkywriter​ @peaches007​ @scuzmunkie​ @blessedboo​ @sheeshgivemeabreak​ @sadeyesgf​ @anangelwhodidntfall​ @gemini0410​ @rocketqueen​ @destynelseclipsa​ @xx--day-dreamer--xx​ @talicat713​ @i-love-scott-mccall​ 

I'll always look back as I walk away

Memories will last for eternity

And all of our tears will be lost in the rain

When I found my way back to your arms again

But until that day, you know you are

The Queen of my heart

[rataltouille]

BONFIRE, BONFIRE!: A COLLECTION OF FLASH FICTION + POETRY

so i’ve decided to compile all twenty [these will be split into two so that the post isn’t super long] of the writing pieces i’ve done for my random celebration into one post so that it’s easier to read / access share!! you can also find it here, all put into one work, on wattpad, because i feel nostalgic about that website and decided to just post it!!

NOTE: i know that this shouldn't need to be said, but these 20 pieces belong to me so please don’t copy/repurpose it for your writing!! i plan on using these somewhere in my own writing and either way they’re stuff i’ve written so don’t use them!!

1. cooking + destructive + purple from @andiwriteunderthemoon [also i kind of cheated with this prompt and asked my sis @dreamscanbenightmarestoo for ideas and so the base idea’s from her!!]

I didn’t mean to set my house on fire, alright?

Let me set the scene: I’m sitting in my room, watching the infomercials that blur together, and suddenly there’s a bright purple flash on the glitching screen: /grapes/. They’re shiny, plump, and oh? A recipe for fine wine? Don’t mind if I do. So I pop into my kitchen and cut the grapes, dice them up, finally using the knife after years of not cooking— /mother, are you proud of me now?/— and stick the soft, luminescent fluid into a glass bottle. Following each step of the recipe.

The recipe didn’t mention an explosion.

Destruction rained around my house like a meteor shower. The bubbles from the fluid, frisking up at contact with metal, swam across my shoes and into the living room. It touched the TV, which still flashed the recipe, which I was still cursing at. And then, you know, it burnt up. The couch scorched first, I think. So that was fun. I later realised that I’d used my reserve of petroleum, which I’d put in my kitchen cabinet, instead of vinegar. I think I’ve got to move back in with my mother again.

2. running + quiet + sky blue from @kryskakikomi [i have no idea what this is i drafted this in a fever dream state]

Summer crawled up his skin like a worm. He was seated at his dining table, crosswording his way through the sticky morning, when it struck him that the humidity was new. He’d been caught in summer before, of course, but this year was different. His parents had whisked away to their hometown, and he still didn’t understand why he wasn’t allowed to go. He loved their home— he could have been running on beach sand and waves could have cruised over his feet, and his face would reflect sky blue under palm trees. Instead he sat doodling and scratching at cement walls in a quiet that nagged at his ears, grappling his flesh like a fishing hook, reeling him in. Boredom, him sister told him, before she also left for someone’s home. What would you know? he whispered once the door latched from the outside. Maybe /she’d/ like to sit on the same wooden chair, all the pink paint worn out, and scratch out squares of empty text until the pen poked through the other hand. He scoffed. At least he knew the number of scars on the wood; he could hold that over her when his parents returned.

3. hallucinate + hazy + violet from @chloeswords [i wanted to write something dreamy and ethereal but everytime i look at your url i’m reminded of church mud and indirectly my religious trauma so here we are 🤡]

We hold the book in our arms and chant for God. We don’t know what he looks like. They say that he’s sharp, never pixelating or blurring or showing through, like a hazy image would. No, children, our family says, he will come clothed in gold and velvet— the colour a deep and rich crimson, or chartreuse. And of course, he weaves a violet into his hair. Because he is just that humble. Just that gentle. Loving.

We’ve almost understood now. Pray, clasp our palms together into a transient equinox, and pray. Maybe he will shine down on us. Maybe we will speak so loud and chant so long that our lips will chap. Maybe we’ll simply hallucinate him to salve our bones. Our family says, he will bless you. And so he will.

4. halcyon + pluviophile + beige from anon [i was yearning for cats i am a cat person i love cats]

I remember my life before I moved to London,

Those halcyon days that I spent scooping up cat litter and brushing warm fur,

Being a mother to beige and white and black little felines.

They keep better company than humans.

Now I’m a self-proclaimed businesswoman, artist, influencer, pluviophile,

Even when I’ve barely stepped foot outside during the rain,

[But it needs to be said that when it rains in London, it pours].

I think I’d like to open a cat cafe;

I’m rich enough to pull it off.

5. sing + vulnerable + olive green from @occiidens [this was actually super fun to write because it’s a break from the typically unhinged stories i gravitate towards]

You watch from the highest hill of your town, hand wrapped around the serrated wood of a red oak tree. The bark pokes into your flesh, drawing blood that shouldn’t have been taken from you. You scowl. Just another thing that lives to cause you pain.

Three storeys down is a young man, short and smiling and lovely. He has dark skin and darker hair, walking with the stride of a deer, and he’s smiling; the joy reflects onto your face, even though you can’t hear him. He wears a cotton shirt, the olive green stark against the fire-blue sky. You call out, sing his name, three times in a row.

When he finally looks up, squinting as you silhouette under the sun, the smile widens. A wave. You’re suddenly overcome with embarrassment. Your palm digs into the bark until the wound is freshly dug again, the skin supple and vulnerable. You want to wave, but your hands would look so awkward, and the blood wouldn't help. So you turn on your heel and run— why are you so awkward?— and the grass around you is brighter. This is now a tomorrow issue, you conclude. You’re still smiling.

6. dislocate + ostentatious + blood red from @oasis-of-you [this got really unhinged really fast. TW: body horror]

If you take a turn at Finn Avenue,

Rogue your way down a blood red river,

[It’s not actual blood, do not worry. The colour’s a pigment and it’s saturated enough to give you the texture, the touch, the taste of blood, but I repeat, it isn’t true blood. You might think that it’s ostentatious of us to make you cross a river like that, but you’ll understand why.]

And if can stick your fingers inside the fluid,

You’ll find a bone.

Don’t pull it out fully! Only observe.

[This is a real bone, most likely animal. We may be ominous, but we don’t hurt humans. Not yet.]

So what do you do now? You want passage into a better world.

You came here because you saw the brochure, the flyer,

Radiant Idyll, home for love, but you also saw the jutting anatomy that leads to the city. The pictures were rather clear.

Why do you look so surprised? We’ve put this on the brochure— don’t you ever read the fine print?— to avoid this exact situation. That you would cross a body, a skeleton, pooled over in a fluid that we don’t name, but it’s probably alive.

It’s watching you right now.

So what do you do now?

Hurry up, unhinge your arm, dislocate the elbow, drop it into the blood, forgive me, false blood, and pay for your passage.

Oh! Excellent; that’s record time. We do hope you enjoy your stay!

1. @noteaboy [i’ve interpreted your url as ”note, a boy”]

There’s an orange tree. It’s spring, and there’s an orange tree, and it brims with fruit and citrus perfume. Point your lens flare downwards, and note, a boy. A young man, perhaps, because he combs his hair, uptight and firm, and he wears a tie. A long suit. He doesn’t look up, because his hand holds a book. /He/ holds the book, not the hands— tenderness doesn’t translate through anatomy, I’ve taught you this before. He’s waiting for someone. There’s only the rustle of leaves. He drops the book onto the lap of the tree, crushing the apple that had fallen down. Orange, not apple. Take note better. You only have one chance to get this right.

2. @eatingjupiter [your url is so beautiful omg]

The goddess had said this before she died: you need to watch over him. He needs your sentry to survive. The goddess’ words weren’t heeded. Little baby Jupiter tottered on lava as him parents small-talked with their kingdom. Well, it must have been small talk, because nothing seemed to happen afterwards other than his mother’s face collapsing in agony, anger, annoyance. He knew not to touch them then. He’d fly off into the sun one day, but if his hands were but and charred, he wouldn’t survive even a third of the journey.

The prophecy was simple: the firstborn to the kingdom will metamorph into a celestial, purify themselves so that only stardust remains. Live in the sky forever. The astrologers were baffled; you don’t just become a star. They should have heeded the goddess.

Jupiter was sixteen when he expanded and collapsed all at once. He still lives, they say, and the astrologers /were/ right, in a way: people just don’t become stars. They become almost empty space. Nobody knows if his hands were burnt when they left earth’s orbit forever.

3. @laughtracksonata [your name gave me slight horror vibes idk why!!]

Hahaha. The Horror Movie (don’t ask me for a name, I’m not good with those), with its cymbal crashing and plastic sounds, it’s so loud and scary that it hurts, father. Please turn it off.

Father doesn't listen. I shiver on the couch. The screen flickers like radio static and reflects off our wide eyes. What kind of a home is this anyway? I don’t want to fucking listen to a laugh track or a horror VHS tape or watch the bass crescendo as the serial killer jumpscares the watcher. I don’t think that having hour pupils glued to the same blood-splattered movie, with the same recording looping in his eardrums will help him. He laughs along, sometimes. It’s scary. Father needs a new hobby.

PART TWO COMING SOON!!

anyway this got REALLY long so i’m posting the third prompt group, the one based on songs, as a second part in some time. i hope you enjoy this, and PLEASE do boost!! i spent a lot of time writing these pieces and am pretty proud of them :’)

general taglist: @lovingyou-is @guulabjamuns @andiwriteunderthemoon @coffeeandcalligraphy @melonmilk @silentlylostwriter @charles-joseph-writes @eklavvya @eowynandfaramir @bitterwitchwrites @laughtracksonata @whatwordsdidnttouch @indeliblewrites @thenataliawrites @summersguilt @illimani-gibberish @sarahkelsiwrites @writing-in-delirium @shaelinwrites @sienna-writes @chewingthescenery @jennawritesstories @chloeswords @aelenko @keira-is-writing @cherylinanika @infinitely-empty-pages @jmtwrites @august-iswriting @freedelusionbanana @beetleblue88 @mistercaleb @iwannawritepls @hanwatchingmovies @mortallynuttyqueen @idratherliveinnarnia @maisulli @thegreyboywrites @ahowlinwolf @ravens-and-rivers @oasis-of-you @yanittawrites @chazza-writes-sometimes @skyfirewrites @lovebenders @treybriggsthewriter @themidnxghtwriter @ash-karter @queen-devasena @a-procrastination-addict @gaymityblight @beyondthebracken @madmaxst26 @adielwrites @moonpixxel @hollow-knight-dnd @keep-looking-here @overlap @ashleygarciawrites @ryns-ramblings​ @wordsbynathan @novaemlynlewis​ @sophiewritingstuff​ @howdy-writes​ @occiidens​ @nsanelyawkward​ @viawrites-andacts​

[lilolilyr]

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[dragonherder2030]

So I watched Raya and the Last Dragon-

I honestly was very disappointed with the movie as a whole. I LOVE dragons and main movies and media just doesn’t have much of them that I have seen. So when I saw that Disney was making a movie about and staring a dragon character, I got very excited. I had loved the design for Sisu when she was just a concept art

She was much more colorful and had a very different face, a more regional face. She is definitely more water dragony compared to the actual final draft design. And she is just overall prettier in my opinion.

Spoilers under this point

Another thing is the continuity and main logic of the movie. In the beginning of the movie it is practically about 15 minutes of exposition. It tells that apparently all the dragons are water dragons, every single one since they all look the same, but that there were multiple dragons in the past. These evil creatures made of human greed or whatever started attacking humans, and well I guess other things but the humans primarily. When attacked, they pass through the human and either take or freeze their spirit or something I don’t remember exactly, but the person becomes stone. So the dragons being the most powerful creatures in the world, they tried to fight the things. The dragons were also turned to stone, all but one, The Mighty Sisu. In the exposition it says that she compiled all her magic into the orb, and used it to destroy the things and turn everyone back from stone. Except the dragons. Do they ever explain why it didn’t turn the dragons back to alive? No it does not, it absolutely does not, but ho boy there is SO much more. Later in the exposition, the dragon gem gets broken into 5 pieces, one for each of the tribes. And they each possess a piece of the gem now. So, when the gem gets broken, all the evil creatures from the very beginning just, come back! This is never explained- nothing is ever explained in this movie it was just made for the funnies I GUESS. This movie feels like a really bad book adaption HONESTLY. And at the end of the movie when everyone comes back because it’s a kids movie, it’s just AHHGH everyone is happy now all the dragons come back and everything is dandy. But why didn’t the dragons come back in the beginning? The whole moral of the movie is “Trust good”. Seriously that’s it. And when they put the dragon gem back together at the end everyone is like “oh wow we need to trust each other and that’s how the magic will WoRk”. But explained earlier when we hear Sisu’s whole backstory is that when SHE did the magic fix she trusted her siblings the most that she had in that moment, SO TELL ME WHY DIDN’T IT WORK!!?? It makes no sense to me at least maybe I’m just missing something. But it annoys me so much, nothing makes sense in this movie. Another theory I have is that there were 3 writers. Each assigned to a seperate story arc, one to the beginning exposition thing, one to the middle main part, and one to the climax and final bits of the movie. The thing is, the writers only vaguely know what the past ones did XD.

The next problem I have is with the actual magic and formulation of dragons, as well as what the heck is up with the dragon gem. But don’t worry, I have at least 2 more problems with this movie. So as Sisu gets more and more of the dragon gem shards, she gains new powers. But do you know why? Because APPARENTLY when the gem broke into the 5 pieces, the magic of her individual siblings who gave their magic to the gem was separated perfectly. Ok that may not make much sense. But when we see Sisu’s backstory it shows that her oldest brother made the gem, then each sibling except Sisu put their special magic into the gem. So then, when it broke, the individual gem pieces only had the 1 type of magic in them? Excuse me what? That doesn’t make sense, if I make a cake, then I won’t cut it up and get only egg from one slice, then a bunch of sugar from another slice. It’s just- really bad and they could have fixed it by just- not having the siblings at all. They so easily could have been written out of the story, instead Sisu could have no magic when she is brought back, which she practically has none, her “magic” is that she is a strong swimmer. But then as she gets the pieces she gains back parts of her original magic, that would have been more indering then the siblings. Now the second part of this is the actual powers. Ok, which sounds like more of a power, being able to glow, or being able to fly around by walking on raindrops. The second one right? Well, ThEY aRe BoTh COsIdeReD MaGIc iN tHiS UniVErSe. All the powers that Raya aquires from the dragon gem pieces is being able to do the glow, being able to shape shift into a human, and being able to walk on the rain. Now, that isn’t even the part I’m the most mad about. At the end of the movie when all the dragons come back, THEY ALL CAN WALK ON THE RAIN. LIKE WHAT!? I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE OLDER BROTHER’S MAGIC TYPE! Do you get what I mean by this movie having no continuity? At the end of the movie, Sisu was killed by evil cat lady, and all the dragons come back walking on the rain and just- resurrect her. Ok, I guess that could be explained away as all the magic beings being magical, but I still don’t like how easily they did it. Yet another thing is that Sisu can make a bunch of magical smoke, well not magical but it’s really shimmery and thick, that’s not explained, she just can do it.

Let’s talk about the relationships in this movie. I hate them. No ones characters are developed on or improved except for maybe cat lady- I need to find her name somewhere, but except for Namarii is her name, her and Raya. Namarii’s big stitch is, I don’t even know just not being the most evil person? Either that or the same trust thing, which would mean that her and Raya have the same character arc. Raya in the beginning of the movie is explained to be the daughter of the chef of clan Heart, one of the most prosperous out of the 5 clans. They at the start of the movie had the dragon gem, and the father guy, he invited every other clan over to have a big feast or whatever. So when they get there, young Namarii, all this is happening when Raya is like, 9 I think, but Namarii and Raya become friends over fangirling for Sisu. Namarii has a necklace of Sisu that she gives to Raya. And side note, they act as though Sisu isn’t the SAVIOR OF THIER LANDS, but she’s some really good singer. Well I guess they have to connect to all those youngsters out there with an obsession and that rElATaBlE moment when you fInD AnOTheR oF tHiEr kInD. That just triggered me. But since Namarii is such a big fan of Sisu, Raya, after being shown to be VERY offensive about the idea of the other tribes coming, just decides to show Namarii the dragon gem! But uh oh, twist, Namarii is actually bad oh noooo and everyone comes up and starts to fight over the dragon gem. Then it shatters and the evil things come back. So Raya and her dad are trying to escape, her dad had been injured from fighting an arrow to the leg, but the things are repelled by water. So what does the dad do? He yeets the child into a river(they are on a bridge at this point) after having a minute long conversation with her. Like, could he not just tip himself off to? But hey we have to give them characters angsty backstorys amiright? It’s just so stupid the character motives. So like, Idk 12 years pass by or something since Raya is an adult now. She actually has a pretty emotional prayer type thing to Sisu when she is trying to resurrect her to save the world. This movie has a few ups that I will put at the end. So let’s talk about Sisu now, ho boy, she is the “oh everything will be fixed with hugs and kisses”. You know what this is, this is the same exact dynamic that Poppy and Branch went through during Trolls movie! The exact same dynamic! HECK Disney couldn’t even get original personalities. Sisu blindly trusting everything gets them into wacky situations and causes some conflict between Raya and Sisu but BARELY ANY. And Sisu just seems like- really innocent, she’s oblivious all the time. She’s this ancient beast and she just has the most generic personality and I loath it. Namanii is actually someone I liked. She seemed like the most real character until the very end, just, the blindly “oh everything is alright now and I’m fine with everyone now trauma doesn’t exist”. Also on that point, apparently trauma doesn’t exist in this world, because Sisu lost every single one of her siblings, and just, doesn’t show any sign of grieving or remorse she just doesn’t give a thought to them. Except for the backstory bit but she just doesn’t seem to care. Also just a side note, none of those side characters are developed at all and just there for practically comic relief. The whole resolution of the movie is them putting the gem together and then all “hugging” each other and wow look at that it worked. *inhales* and then when Sisu comes back, she has the most emotionally dead response to Raya, none of the character reuniting is good. You know, if you have seen storks, that near end montage where all the babies are brought to the people? Yeah, that was 100% better then the resolutions of Raya and the Last Dragon. One scene that ticked me off so much was when that ninja baby was reunited with her parents, the mom, oh my gosh, she looked as if she had just found an old purse she misplaced. She did not look- ah I can’t even put it into words just look up the clip to get it.

That’s all that I have to say about the movie, I probably have more somewhere but honestly I couldn’t put it into words. Now, you know, I have to give this movie a few good opinions. The movie looked amazing, great character design(except for the dragons I dispose them) and everything looks gorgeous. As well as the animal design, I wish I could have seen more animals honestly they all looked really interesting and unique.

Sorry this post was so long I just wanted to put my opinions out there.

[captainsjack]

i've got this hc that, in a canon timeline but they get together au, shawn & gus either a) make the biggest deal out of their relationship and make everyone know they're now a couple and in 6 months they're engaged bc they know sooner or later they're gonna marry so why wait, yknow? or b) they act completely the same and nobody really knows they're now together until idk shawn mentions packing and jules like "oh i didn't know you were moving, shawn!" and he's like "it's more like i'm taking all my things with me to gus's this time" and then she's like "wait what" and everyone discovers they're together bc they completely forgot they ever were not a thing and didn't really tell anyone about it (even when they're like week 1 of dating if someone asked they would be like "yeah we've been together since always") (same thing for marriage someone asks them if they're married and they're like "yeah we ar- WAIT" bc what do you mean we aren't married? we ARE marriage)

,, the fact that i have almost the exact same post in my drafts i- we just have the same brain. i’m shook.

but bold of us to assume its not both of these:

shawn and gus are 1000x more insufferable & giddy & clingy & Married (tm) but they completely forget to actually say to people specifically that “we’re boyfriends now” because, like, haven’t they always been?

shawn sits on gus’s lap during meetings at the station, gus rests his head on shawns shoulder & thumbs the strip of skin between the hem of his t-shirt & jeans. they get looks from the chief & lassie & jules but none of them say anything bc, really, what can they expect from them in regards to professionalism, this actually seems pretty normal.

shawn barges in on gus at central coast like he always does, but he brings like 3 bouquets of flowers and distracts gus with kisses. gus’s coworkers can see everything but, i mean, this is also the guy who walked through the whole building in a civil war army uniform so they’re not that shook.

shawn announces to everyone that he and gus are moving in together and everyone’s just like “ok cool why do we care?” because neither of them mention that it’s together together (they figure it’s implied) and so everyone’s just like, yeah, seems about right, you guys spend 24/7 together anyways.

juliet only figures out they’re dating when she asks shawn to dinner on saturday because her girlfriend has a friend she thinks would be cute with shawn, and so she wants them all to go on a double date. shawn, of course, is shook.

“i, uh, i’m not single”

“what do you mean?”

“gus and i are dating”

“wait, really!?”

“??? jules you saw us making out at the christmas party last week”

“well, yeah, but i just thought that was normal for you two”

lassie doesn’t figure it out until he’s hanging out with jules and she going on about wedding cakes and colour schemes and he’s like “whose wedding are we taking about?” and she mentions shawn and gus, and he’s like “wait since when?” and she shrugs and says “beats me”

the chief only knows because she overhears lassie and jules talking and then she sees shawn and gus pass out little pink “save the date” cards and she puts two and two together. the rest of the station doesn’t know until they get their own cards. (buzz, poor, sweet guy, doesn’t realise until shawn and gus are actually at the altar reciting their vows and he turns to jules and is like “wait is this a wedding?” and she just looks at him).

the only person who can tell right away that shawn and gus are finally dating, is henry. it’s a normal day, shawn and gus aren’t any more obnoxious than usual, but there’s a certain bright, relaxed, and happy feel to the air. henrys spent the last 30 years watching these two pine over each other, and so the moment when he can feel that tension, heartache, and guilt leave the air, he knows exactly what happened. it was only a day after shawn and gus finally got together, when henry sees the two of them, and it’s the happiest he’s ever seen his son, and so, of course, he knows.

anyways, you’re 100% correct. shawn and gus are That couple, but also everyone thinks it’s normal for them.

[clickbaitcas]

oooh i wanna go !!

okay so i see everything that happens while i’m reading but unless i’m focusing on it it’s like. hazy. and the characters are never exactly what the actors look like?? but they aren’t always how they’re described in the fic either. and then with lines i’m the same where if it’s super in character i hear it like it’s in the show but mostly it’s like,,,, slightly off.

but my favorite part is PLACES!! bc i always like. ok so if it’s an au my brain makes a little blueprint for the house with like pieces of all the houses i’ve been in and stuff?? and if i read multiple fics by the same author they usually have similar houses in my mind even if they’re completely different stories. i think part of it is that my family has been house hunting for like four years now so i’ve been in a LOT of houses on like tours and stuff and so i just make a weird collage of different parts of different houses. it’s pretty cool imo

and then if it’s in universe in like the bunker it depends on like. idk like i started reading fics before i got to s8 so i had to come up with an idea of what the bunker looked like and stuff and so sometimes i see it the way it actually is and sometimes i see it the way i saw it before i got to it??? idk i think it’s super cool.

and the same goes for like bobby’s house like i know how it looks in canon but sometimes my brain is just like no❤️ and adds random things or changes it around.

I saved this to my drafts a while ago bc I got interrupted while writing it and,, never posted it sorry lol

Oo my experience is really similar!! If I'm not super focused or into the story then I can't picture whatevers going on, which is why I have more trouble reading in Spanish. Bc if I can't picture what's going on then I don't really remember it well. And yea characters and their voices are never really ~exact~ ad they're usually blurry or just out of my awareness..

And PLACES YES! I'm really stubborn like houses and locations have to be. cohesive? Like they're a real house yknow? So I actually have some trouble with TV bc since they're sets and they're not actually one thing i can't like picture the route characters take as well. The biggest issue for me recently is 15x19 with the gay dash for the stairs like. Idk where the kitchen is in relation to the map table room and every time I see it it seems off,, like cuz in my head I put it in a location but it's different from where it seems in that scene... Idk if that makes sense lol but yea I always have to figure out how buildings work? Like I regularly map out my own houses or school in my head and it's kinda calming.. Also if I need to carry something heavy (cuz we moved this summer) I plan the route in my head beforehand so it's easier and like in school I plan the route to my classes and stuff and so that's how it works when I'm reading too except it's a tad more frustrating bc sometimes authors don't give the full description I need to do that

[trippydooda]

here’s a second part of the Woosan fic i started. it’s basically a rough draft and i plan on changing some minor things in the one i post to AO3, but alas have some stuff.

Fandom: ATEEZ

Pairing: Jung Wooyoung/Choi San

Rating: idk, T? it’s safe for minors lol

Word Count: 3,261 

A blanket is handed to him, but he refuses it. It’s not as if he’s shivering from the cold anyway. No, Wooyoung is sitting back on the wretched bed he woke up on, feeling the smallest and weakest he has in his entire life. 

The shivers wrack through him in waves, and he ends up choking a handful of times, though he really can’t pinpoint the cause of those either. The two beautiful strangers who somehow have to do with him being here sit on either side of him, the first with something akin to a sad expression, the other unreadable.

Wooyoung is tired of the silence. “Where am I?” He asks, but it comes out as a pathetic whisper rather than a strong demand.

The second man speaks up, “A mansion far away from where you call home.” He lifts a finger in front of him that’s still somehow directed at Wooyoung to not speak, and continues: “You were found by San dying in a slum alleyway somewhere, and for some reason instead of finishing the job he decided to save you.”

Slowly turning his head to who he assumes is San (the still silent one), Wooyoung mutters, “Oh.” Only a few silent moments have to pass before the rest of the declaration weighs heavy on him. He whips his head back around. “Finished what job, exactly?”

“You were dying, dear,” the second man flashes a smile and a flutter of eyelids. Wooyoung doesn’t miss the sarcastic undertone. “And our friend here should have just killed you.”

Wooyoung knits his eyebrows. He elects to ignore the obvious insult to instead ask, “And how exactly was I saved? This certainly doesn’t look like a hospital.”

“Ah, there. That’s the right question.” The second man settles himself back onto the bed so he’s no longer looking at Wooyoung. He’s not sure he could have stood those red eyes any longer anyway. “It’s more fun to have you guess, though.”

Wooyoung huffs indignantly. He’s tired, annoyed, and still so fucking confused. He doesn’t want to guess, he wants to be told. And right now he feels like telling this other stranger to sod off, because at least this “San” was nicer. So far, anyway. Still, he wants confirmation enough to calm the boiling in his veins enough to spit out, “Well you all seem like a bunch of stereotypical fantasy book type vampires.”

A laugh erupts out of the second man, one that seems fairly devoid of any true humour, and Wooyoung scoots closer to “San”. The latter man flinches slightly and tenses, but it doesn’t feel like one of cautious anticipation. More like the clench of muscles of someone ready to fight. Wooyoung sure hopes he’s not the one to be fought. “Ah, I wonder what sort of things that sharp tongue of yours would say if my teeth were sunk into your pretty little ne—”

“Enough.”

Both Wooyoung and the man flinch at “San”s sudden forceful voice. Having been now hovering over Wooyoung, the second man scoffs under his breath and removes himself from the continuing quivering Wooyoung. His eyes, Wooyoung notices, have also morphed into that deep black and Wooyoung is idly wondering how close he was to death (again?) when the man rolls his eyes. “You’re always so protective of your playthings, San.”

“I said enough, Mingi.” “San” (Wooyoung should probably drop the quotation marks) practically growls.

Mingi glares down at Wooyoung, his lip upturned. He wordlessly exists, all swift movements and even a somewhat graceful slam of the door behind him. Wooyoung is thankful he’s gone, he really is don’t get him wrong, but now he’s alone with San. And he doesn’t know how to feel about San. It was easy with everyone else—they clearly wanted to kill him. But Wooyoung doesn’t know how to process the information that San precisely thought the opposite, that Mingi said he “saved” him. He’s never been good with compliments or praise, and he somehow thinks that saving his life—however it actually happened—it’s just completely out of his realm of contemplating.

“Sorry about him,” San smiles, and it’s genuinely sweet. His eyes remain brown, and so now Wooyoung is wondering if this colour madness is just that—a product of his own madness.

“Where am I,” Wooyoung asks again, because Mingi wasn’t very helpful. Plus, he figures San will be more forthcoming, less of a sarcastic ass.

Turns out he’s right. San heavily sighs, cards his fingers through his hair, and… Pouts. Wooyoung blinks dumbly at it. “This is sort of a… Safe haven”—Wooyoung scoffs, San ignores him—“for people like me. Like… You. It’s hidden behind a sort of seal if you want to call it that, kind of like a spell.”

“A spell,” Wooyoung echos.

San nods enthusiastically, snapping his fingers because he seems to think Wooyoung is following along (he’s absolutely not). His smile falters slightly, though. “Mingi is slightly right, on one count. I had saved you, yes, but that was under the pretense you would become like me.”

“A vampire,” Wooyoung mutters, voice completely monotone.

San nods again, albeit more slowly. Wooyoung is afraid of what sort of circumstance warrants such a change in demeanor. “I know it’s… A lot, but I did it with the best intentions.” He lopsidedly smiles at Wooyoung and the latter’s heart positively melts. He supposes if some freak was going to “save” him in such a way, at least this one was pretty. “I truly thought you’d just be like me, like Mingi.” Wooyoung hates the unsaid “but”.

The roundabout is only slightly irking Wooyoung, but he’s able to at least be patient with San. Now that he knows the sort of other heathens that run rampant in this little tree shop of horrors house, anyway. “So I’m not a vampire then.”

A shake of the head this time. “No, no you’re not.”

Wooyoung thinks. He thinks because San looks just as tired and confused as he is. Thinks because he really hasn’t clearly yet since waking up dead, and so he thoughtfully raps his index finger against his chin. He tries to remember the times he was a kid and poured through all sorts of fantasy novels and shows, and tries to recall what he knows about vampires. He remembers, though, what the one vampire had said about him: halfling.

He’s unaware he’s muttered it aloud when San perks up next to him. “That fits, actually. That’s the best way to describe it at this point.”

For the first time the whole night (as Wooyoung assumes it is, don’t vampires like, hibernate in the day?), Wooyoung really looks at San. He appears perhaps even the same exact age as Wooyoung, but if he’s going off fantasy vampire lore, the guy is probably in his hundreds. And looking fantastic at that. His skin looks impossibly smooth, eyes deep with emotion and lips curled into a sincere smile, even if it seems to be one of pity rather than joy. There’s a hint of a cherry red underneath San’s hair, and it sort of hits Wooyoung rather belatedly that San is just his type. Way better than any Tinder fuck he’s gotten recently, anyway.

And here he is, practically snuggled in bed with the guy.

But dammit Wooyoung, this is not the time to be horny, you need answers. And Wooyoung has plenty of questions to last (another) lifetime. So he picks one if not to just ignore the strange static that’s building between them. “Someone called me an omega,” he blurts, and it makes San softly laugh.

“Gunna talk my head off with questions, eh?”

“Absolutely,” Wooyoung blurts once more.

San lightly shrugs. “That’s fair.” Wooyoung swears his skin flushes when he stammers out, “B-But, the omega thing. There are some things that probably aren’t talked about in vampire school.”

“That absolutely doesn’t exist,” Wooyoung breathes, and shares his first pure laugh with San. He still doesn’t know if he should be hating the guy, honestly. It’s becoming increasingly harder to even entertain the thought.

“Well whatever,” San bats the air. “I just don’t think they really—er, anyone really—talks about how society for us really works.”

Wooyoung scoots closer, knees brushing against San’s. “Enlighten me.”

A breath escapes San’s nose that could definitely be a laugh, one so impossibly soft Wooyoung doesn’t want to think about it right now. “The person was right when they called you an omega. Before you blather about that whole thing, it’s not the sort of ‘omega’ you’re probably used to. You can’t get pregnant, go into heat, none of that. It’s simply a rank.”

“The lowest of them, then,” Wooyoung softly laments, turning his gaze to the bed.

It shoots up instantly the moment San replies with: “The opposite, actually.” Apparently Wooyoung’s awestruck expression is enough for him to continue without delay. “Omegas are thought to be the highest for us. They’re pure, untainted, and elegant. They think clearer than ravenous alpha or power seeking beta. They possess a certain poise and aptitude for the political, but even with all this they get treated like dirt.”

Wooyoung expressively frowns. “But you said—”

“I know,” San snaps. It makes Wooyoung shrink. “Hundreds, thousands, of years of alphas trying to overcome what they think their weakness is has led omegas to be somewhat of an anomaly. We changed so they’re rarer, less omegas lived to procreate, and as a result there are practically none left. It also just so happens omegas… Taste good.” San looks off anywhere that definitely isn’t Wooyoung.

Right, the whole blood drinking thing. Right.

Wait, no, not right, what the shit?

“So what the hell do I do?” Wooyoung asks, swallowing down his shivering panics. He figures it’s the most practical question he could possibly ask.

San looks back at him, eyes soft and pleading when he says, “Trust me.”

¥¥¥¥

Even though San assures him it’s safe now, that he’s “taken care” of things, Wooyoung still refuses to leave his room. At least, he assumes it’s his. In any case, no one has come to see him besides San, and certainly not that Mingi fellow. Wooyoung shivers at the memory, but also wonders why he was so willing to obey San as well. If he was going to admit it (which he isn’t presently), the sort of powerful aura San carries is… Well, unbelievably attractive.

Yet he’s still confused about this whole omega business, not to mention he doesn’t really think he’s come full to terms with his… Predicament. Is he dead? He doesn’t think the afterlife would be especially honest about where he was, but then again he has no frame of reference either. Just blind faith—just his trust in San, as feeble as it is. So he spends most hours (he’s lost track of them) curled into himself, fumbling to locate his heartbeat every few hours when he can’t feel it anymore. It’s his only way of holding on.

He thinks of his friends, how they must be worried about him. He’s not realised he’s shaking quite violently until San enters the room, and Wooyoung can finally breathe. It doesn’t even take him rising his head to know it’s San—his San, as his brain sometimes flutters to—he can just feel his presence like a blanket wrapping securely around him. The thought makes Wooyoung shiver again, though this time he’s not really sure what for. He’ll figure it out later.

A clatter of a plate being set down makes Wooyoung finally peek out from his blanket cocoon. Very recently being wrapped as tightly in linen as possible has brought him extreme relief. He blinks at the plate though, silver gilded and a rather hot looking cup of soup sitting innocently in the middle. “You must be hungry,” San says, though it’s more of an exasperated breath.

Wooyoung blinks dumbly when he says, “I’m not hungry.”

San sighs. “You’ve been here nearly a week”—Wooyoung whimpers—“and you’ve not eaten a thing. It’ll make me look bad if you starve to death.”

Wooyoung thinks on this. If it’s been nearly a week, how is that he’s not ravenous? Because he isn’t lying to San, he’s honestly not hungry. He hasn’t been, even though the soup looks tantalisingly good the longer he stares at it. “I thought vampires didn’t eat people food,” he mumbles, not even really realising he’s said it out loud. He yelps at his own bold proclamation, slinks back into his covers. San just laughs, and it’s too light and airy for Wooyoung to think about right now.

“We don’t, but you’re not fully like us.” The last bit sounds sad almost, and the confusion that has plagued Wooyoung since being here is crawling rather speedily up his conscience again.

And he really shouldn’t care, to be honest. Not when he’s not even sure if he should be thanking San yet, because he’s not even sure he was saved. Does saving someone entail trapping them in a room like some sort of failed Disney princess? Wooyoung doesn’t know, and he also doesn’t know why he reaches out an apprehensive hand to curl around the bit of San’s arms he can see from under his blankets. San tenses ever so slightly, but the overwhelming relief, like this is what Wooyoung has been starving over, when he can feel San go pliant under his touch—it’s maddening. It’s maddening because Wooyoung doesn’t understand.

As if San is reading his thoughts (he really could be, Wooyoung never really paid attention to the little snippets of vampire lore), he says quietly, “You should be careful.”

Wooyoung knits his eyebrows together and pouts even though San can see neither. “Maybe I would be if you told me why.”

Just from the way San’s arm wiggles uselessly in the air, Wooyoung can tell he’s rolled his eyes. “You’re an omega,” he explains like Wooyoung should already have this whole thing down.

“So?” He asks, withdrawing his hand to sit up fully, and sees San is staring holes into his soup. Wooyoung would gladly offer it up but… Vampires, and all that.

Without looking away San replies, “I’m an alpha.”

“And? You said none of that weird stuff existed.” With the way San tightens his fists Wooyoung is fully aware he’s treading on stormy waters. It’s a little exciting while also being downright terrifying, and it’s really no wonder he’s gotten himself caught up in something like this. The only difference is Wooyoung had imagined a lot more drugs and guns. “Besides,” Wooyoung continues, because San has stayed silent, “You were the one that didn’t kill me. You said omegas tasted good, right? So I’m thinking I’m in the clear with you.” He’s come to sit with his legs crossed, hands neatly folded on his lap, utterly satisfied in what he thinks is a perfectly sound argument.

It is, apparently, not.

San finally looks over at him, the brown eyes he had been using for Wooyoung (he’ll have to ask about that later, assuming he survives this) having turned to a deep red. Wooyoung doesn’t know what that could possibly mean, but for someone who is not really a vampire and therefore more like somewhat spoilt live stock, it can’t be good. “You don’t know when to stop, do you?” He finally asks, and Wooyoung would definitely have replied with something snarky if it weren’t for the fact that a slender finger runs down his cheek.

So Wooyoung’s brain sort of short circuits, “panicked gay style”, as one of his friends once put it. “Wh-What?” He stammers out, having lost every ounce of cocky confidence he had going super well before.

His precious soup lays forgotten as San fully turns his body, a hand now caressing his cheek instead of just a finger. San looks at him through a thoughtful pout, eyes dashing all over before they rest neatly right in Wooyoung’s gaze. The red is still there, still bright and confusing, but there’s something soft as well. Or maybe that’s just Wooyoung’s wishful thinking. Yet the way San is holding his chin now is nothing but dripping with affection, and the way he walks closer to the bedside so he can breathe Wooyoung in is anything besides the feeling of a murderous monster. Perhaps murderous in a different way, Wooyoung belatedly thinks when their foreheads press together.

When he smiles, Wooyoung can see sharp fangs. It’s right then he thinks he has, in fact, probably gone too far, but the heat that coils inside of him just at the sight is betraying him rather efficiently. San says nothing as he leans his face into the dip of Wooyoung’s neck, hovering right over the place where he was first bitten by that freak of a date. Wooyoung swallows thickly when he feels soft lips press just as softly over the wound, and he should probably stop this but something like his attraction to the vampire and blunt curiosity stops him. San says nothing as he drags his upper lip over it, resting teasing fangs as if to make a bite of his own. A tongue flattens down next, and Wooyoung can’t help the whimper that leaves him, nor the way he holds onto San’s hips as if he’ll crumble if he doesn’t.

The door swings open right as Wooyoung feels San’s bottom lip skidding up to meet his top in what would have been a downright awful-but-wonderful kiss, and Wooyoung’s eyes flash open to see a rather incredulous Mingi staring at them both with some measure of disgust (it’s mostly directed at Wooyoung, though, he thinks). “The council is waiting for you, San,” he spits, and gives Wooyoung one more definitely I’m-going-to-end-your-life glare before he leaves, stomping down the hallway and certainly not closing the door.

A growl comes from the spot in Wooyoung’s neck where San is still nuzzled, but when he pulls back there is no anger in his expression. It’s turned to unreadable, which is new. Wooyoung doesn’t really like it. “He has an uncanny habit of entering at the worst of times,” San says, a laugh ghosting on Wooyoung’s face. His expression is still unreadable, but it’s at least somewhat softer now.

They stay silent for a solid five incredibly awkward seconds before San clears his throat rather audibly, removes Wooyoung’s hands from where they were still clutching San’s sides, and sets them in Wooyoung’s lap. He just as awkwardly pats down the sleeves of Wooyoung’s sweater before clearing his throat once again. “I have to go,” he says, “I’ll come back as soon as I can, omega.”

Wooyoung blinks, can only muster the strength to do that, as San turns to leave, but is able to blurt out, “Wooyoung.” It’s right before San has fully exited the room, one foot having frozen inside when he peers his head back in. “My name,” Wooyoung explains. “So you… Don’t have to call me omega.”

“Wooyoung,” San echoes with some thoughtfulness. It’s all he says before he leaves as well, albeit silently down the hall.

Two—no, three—things enter Wooyoung’s mind in rapid succession. One is that he’s certainly in too deep with this San, and they’ve barely held a conversation that lasted more than fifteen minutes and didn’t involve Wooyoung’s confusion. The second one is that he’ll have to stand to close the door and he’s not sure if his legs will even work after all that, and third…

His soup is probably cold.