#this has been in my backlog for actual years and i finally got around to posting it

[transtranslations]

Ryulock Collection by E缶 (E Can)

Translated Artist's Note: I feel like I've accrued a good amount of these, so I decided to make a collection. Ryulock is precious. The Great Ace Attorney was so good...

(P. S.) Thank you for all your comments, they encourage me so much～～

(I think the "theme" at the end may be this song?)

Anyway, please go check out the link up top! This is just the only comic in it - there are loads of really cute Ryulock pictures that the artist deserves a like for!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Corporate Bullshit

I'm coming to BURNING MAN! On TUESDAY (Aug 27) at 1PM, I'm giving a talk called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE!" at PALENQUE NORTE (7&E). On WEDNESDAY (Aug 28) at NOON, I'm doing a "Talking Caterpillar" Q&A at LIMINAL LABS (830&C).

Corporate Bullshit: Exposing the Lies and Half-Truths That Protect Profit, Power, and Wealth in America is Nick Hanauer, Joan Walsh and Donald Cohen's 2023 book on the history of corporate apologetics; it's great:

https://thenewpress.com/books/corporate-bullsht

I found out about this book last fall when David Dayen reviewed it for the The American Prospect; Dayen did a great job of breaking down its thesis, and I picked it up for my newsletter, which prompted Hanauer to send me a copy, which I finally got around to reading yesterday (I have gigantic backlog of reading):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/27/six-sells/#youre-holding-it-wrong

The authors' thesis is that the business world has a well-worn playbook that they roll out whenever anything that might cause industry to behave even slightly less destructively is proposed. What's more, we keep falling for it. Every time we try to have nice things, our bosses – and their well-paid Renfields – dust off their talking points from the last go-round, do a little madlibs-style search and replace, and bust it out again.

It's a four-stage plan:

I. First, insist that there is no problem.

Enslaved people are actually happy. Smoking doesn't cause cancer. Higher CO2 levels are imaginary and they're caused by sunspots and they're good for crop yields. The hole in the ozone layer is only a problem if you foolishly decide to hang around outside (this is real!).

II. OK, there's a problem, but it's your fault.

An epidemic of on-the-job maimings is actually an epidemic of sloppy workers. A gigantic housing crash is really a gigantic cohort of greedy, feckless borrowers. Rampant price gouging is actually a problem of too much "spending power" (that is, "money") in the hands of working people.

III. Any attempt to fix this will make it worse.

Equal wages for equal work will cause bosses to fire women and people of color. Protecting people with disabilities will cause bosses to fire disable people. Minimum wages will cause bosses to buy machines and fire "unskilled" workers. Gun control will only increase underground gun sales. Banning carcinogenic pesticides will end agriculture as we know and we'll all starve to death.

IV. This is socialism.

Income tax is socialism. Estate tax is socialism. Medicare and Medicaid are socialism. Food stamps are socialism. Child labor laws are socialism. Public education is socialism. The National Labor Relations Act is socialism. Unions are socialism. Social security is socialism. The Fair Labor Standards Act is socialism. Obamacare is socialism. The Civil Rights Act is socialism. The Occupational Health and Safety Act is socialism. The Family Medical Leave Act is socialism. FDR is a socialist. JFK is a socialist. Lyndon Johnson is a socialist. Carter is a socialist. Clinton is a socialist. Obama is a socialist. Biden is a socialist (Biden: "I beat the socialist. That's how I got the nomination").

Though this playbook has been in existence since the nation's founding, the authors point out that from the New Deal until the Reagan era, it didn't get much traction. But starting in the Reagan years, the well-funded network of billionaire-backed think-tanks, endowed economics chairs, and latter-day propaganda vehicles like Prageru breathed new life into these tactics.

We can see this playing out right now as the corporate world scrambles for a response to the Harris campaign's proposal to address price-gouging. Reading Matt Stoller's dissection of this response, we can see the whole playbook on display:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/monopoly-round-up-price-gouging-vs

First, corporate apologists insisted that greedflation didn't exist, despite the fact that CEOs kept getting on earnings calls and boasting to their investors about how they were using the excuse of inflation to jack up prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/11/price-over-volume/#pepsi-pricing-power

Or the oil CEOs who boasted that the Russian invasion of Ukraine gave them cover to just screw us at the pump:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/15/sanctions-financing/#soak-the-rich

There are all these out-in-the-open commercial entities whose sole purpose is to "advise" large corporations about their prices, which is just a barely disguised euphemism for price-fixing, from meat-packing:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/04/dont-let-your-meat-loaf/#meaty-beaty-big-and-bouncy

To rents:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/24/gouging-the-all-seeing-eye/#i-spy

That's stage one: "there's no problem." Stage two is "it's your fault." That's Larry Summers and co insisting that a couple of stimulus checks a couple years ago are responsible for inflation, because it gave you too much "buying power," and so the only possible fix is to jack up interest rates and trigger mass layoffs and sharp wage decreases across the economy:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/14/medieval-bloodletters/#its-the-stupid-economy

Stage three is "any attempt to fix this will make it worse." When Isabella Weber pointed out that there was a long history of price-controls being used to fight price-gouging, corporate apologists lost their minds and brigaded her, calling her all kinds of nasty names and insisting that her prescription didn't even warrant serious discussion, because any attempt to control prices would destroy the economy:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/podcasts/lately/article-the-millennial-economist-who-took-on-the-world/

You may recognize this as cousin to the response to rent control proposals, which inevitably trigger a barrage of economists screaming that this will not work and will actually reduce the housing supply and drive up prices, which is true, provided that you ignore all evidence and history:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/16/mortgages-are-rent-control/#housing-is-a-human-right-not-an-asset

And stage four is "this is socialism." Look, I am a literal card-carrying member of the Democratic Socialists of America and I can assure you, Kamala Harris is not a socialist (and more's the pity). But that didn't stop the most eminently guillotineable members of the investor class from hair-on-fire, ALL-CAPS denunciations of the Harris proposal as SOCIALISM and Harris herself as a COMMUNIST:

https://twitter.com/Jason/status/1824580470052725055

The author's thesis is that by naming the playbook and giving examples of it – for example, showing how the "proof" that minimum wage increases will destroy jobs was also offered as "proof" not to abolish slavery, ban child labor, add fireproofing to textile factories, and pay women and Black people the same as white guys – we can vaccinate ourselves against it.

Certainly, we've reached a moment where the public is increasingly skeptical of claims that we can't fix anything because the economists say that this is the best of all possible worlds, and if that means that we're all going to boil to death in our own skin, so be it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/27/economism/#what-would-i-do-if-i-were-a-horse

In other words, after 40 years of subordinating politics to economics, there's a resurgence of belief in politics – that is, doing stuff – rather than hunkering down and waiting for the technocrats to fix everything:

https://www.programmablemutter.com/p/seeing-like-a-matt

Corporate Bullshit is a brisk and bracing read – I got through it in about an hour in my hammock yesterday – and, in laying out the bullshit playbook's long history of nonsensical predictions and pronouncements, it does make a very good case that we should stop listening to people who quote from it.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/19/apologetics-spotters-guide/#narratives

[feather-dancer]

Tales of Arcadia fanfic recommendations part 8

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8

If at all interested in my own writing you can find it here! Several of my own are currently getting scrubbed for improvement to make them more readable. Currently goal is for all of Spotlight being completed by the end of the year.

Been a while huh? This has still been sitting in my drafts though even when my brain decided “Nope not reading” for a while. Still got quite a hefty backlog to read through along with authors I’m subscribed to for their most recent works as and when they pop up. Regardless, determined to get back on top of it and unearth things I want to give a shoutout to because it’s cool shit :)

To you, fans past and present and surviors of RotT Tales of Arcadia fandom.

General Tales of Arcadia

But Everything Hurts - You don’t come back from death with a free pass and Douxie’s fall from the castle cost was chronic pain for an immortal’s lifetime. He was told to learn how to live once, now it is learning to manage.

Of Hunger Pains and Old Habits - Food is hard when you’ve spent a very young life without it until life takes a strange turn and it becomes plentiful. Died in habits are hard though, Douxie will hear the unconvinced whispers for the rest of his life.

almost there - When Jim heads off until the Darklands alone Toby and Claire try to hold themselves together not knowing if he’ll ever return. This is set post season 1 and is wonderfully bittersweet.

Our Little Viginette - Moppet faces the end of an era with the fall of Camelot and (Temporary) loss of Merlin after the Battle of Killahead.

A way to cope - Jim pretends to cope with the trauma of being in the Darklands a lot better than he actually is, as long as he keeps the breakdowns out of sight then nobody can worry right?

dandelion eyes - In which Bellroc discovers the concept of nail polish.

Adieu - The final moments of Angor Rot

Saudade - It’s perfect. They beat Gunmar, nobody died and he can finally enjoy being a teenager again, Thinks Jim. Then why if he stops ignoring the feeling for even a few seconds does it all seem so hollow...?

Rise of the Titans

The Last Changeling - Jim escaped the timeline filled with mistakes in hopes of making things right. He didn’t account for those left behind to grieve or the changeling that suddenly found himself as the last.

I Can't Pull the Sword From the Stone - Jim went back and now Toby is the new Trollhunter which should be smooth sailing right? Except history is refusing to repeat it’s self exactly, little elements are already changing and Jim’s experiences have left him tainted with magic he can’t control along with all the memories and traumas. It’s hard to grieve for someone who is technically still alive but everything you had is gone without a soul out there to understand.

More is all you need - Jim has gone back, something stupid by his own admittance, however in sorting through his thoughts he comes to a realisation.

Stricklake

Comes Around - Post Trollhunters season 3, it’s a struggle to figure out what to do when you have a cradlestone full of babies and a changeling that no longer is but you have to just try and muddle through somehow... Perhaps a chance to try figure out what your relationship is meant to be too now things have calmed down a bit.

Media Consumption - Wholesome fluff that also involves Wally and creating an addict to the HtTyD franchise early on.  

A Measure of Intellect - The goblins are breaking into the stricklake household and they’ve already stolen the blender. The fun part is figuring out exactly what they’re up to. Related to Media Consumption.

enough - Figuring out a normal in the mundane of after everything has happened is quite a lot for a jaded changeling. Very fluffy.

The Wild Hunt - Letting your troll boyfriend hunt is good enrichment but the prize for capture is even better.

The Armour of Daylight - A little glimpse into a high fantasy world where everyone might just be a little bit cursed.

The School Of Janus - This is an AU while also being Stricklake so it lives here. The Darklands are the most prestigious educational process in the world according to their promo material and Jim is prepping to head there while putting off most of his packing as long as humanly possible. Good thing he does really the banter is delightful.

Ink Stains - An AU making an escape in the name of shipping again. Here Barbara married into court politics with her husband being an heir for Camelot and changelings are a secret guard force protecting those important hiding away in plain sight. Incredibly cool world building going on here.

Keen Swimmers 2023 - A collection from last year mostly in AU territory and very tasty. Read the summaries and off you go!

Special Delivery - Very short and sweet, if you’re interested in the ship just trust me and click it.

Locked Rooms - Barbara lost her memory. She doesn’t know how and she doesn’t really know why either. All she does know is that whatever they are seem to be behind a locked door and that strange imagery is leaking into her dreams.

Alternate Universe

Dig your eight graves - It was only supposed to be a fun trek out for Halloween for the Arcadia kids, test out the set up and give feedback so the owner could improve them for when it would officially open the next year. Nobody could have predicted how it’d go so horribly wrong.

Content warning: This fic is marked Mature for character death, body horror, desecration of corpses and for being of the general slasher genre. Please check the tags before proceeding.

Between Daylight and Darkness - The Sunshine AU is back and it’s time for the team to go Trollhunting.So how many spanners can Jim being the nearest equivilent to a were-troll throw into the works of canon? Well hopefully nothing fatal...

Toby's Appointment - Sometimes you need to read very silly things and this is probably the funniest possibility you could find in the dentist waiting room.

The Grave of the Felled Forest - A boy and his familiar go to check out Merlin’s places of power/various stash spots to make sure all is still well. They are not anticipating visitors or his intent to be poked. Part of The Heart of Janus AU.

[arewebeholdingaman]

I've been talking about this as its been going on in my main blog but seeing as I brought it up late last year as an explanation for why I post so sporadically I think I may as well give a proper update here since this blog is what people know me for.

After about four years of trying to get the NHS to give a crap, I've finally been diagnosed with ADHD. The psychologist I was with for my mental health up until just recently was so kind and actually got the people dealing with my case to get off their asses and do something about me.

I've been completely bombing my college course the whole year and have been struggling to get anything done on my own the entire time. Basically was on track to fail because I hadn't finished any of the units. Its got to the point where the teacher of my course had to get my parents involved. humiliating enough, but the bright side to this is that I was marked as urgent in my need for medication and got my appointment within two weeks of diagnosis. I'm now finally being prescribed the vital stimulants I've needed my entire life! I'm glad to report that so far they're working pretty well. I might just pass after all, even with a month and a half left before we're out.

The whole thing with school has frankly put my mental state down the toilet, I'll be honest, but I'm being supported by the people around me and its nothing I haven't dealt with before. Things will undoubtedly improve once I've all my coursework done and can move on with my life so no need to fret about ol diogenes.

But yeah, I've got pretty bad ADHD and if you're familiar with it then you can probably guess from my story of academic liquid shitting that I struggle pretty badly with executive dysfunction. That's basically why my posting schedule is to fill the queue and post twice a day every day for maybe two or three weeks and then go almost radio silent for god knows how long. I'm not happy about it, but that's just how it is for me. Now I've got my medication though, god bless, which means I might be able to get a bigger backlog of men in my pocket. I'd like to actually see an empty inbox again lol

I'd love to say that I'm gonna get right back on the bipedal horse as soon as this is up because I really do love this blog and love entertaining and getting a giggle out of you tumblr bumblers but at the moment it's gotta be put on the back burner till I'm in the clear. Pisses me off but I'm being a good dog and taking my medicine and doing my work and when it's all done I'll try and put said medicine towards doing some fun things in the summer, like posting here.

I'll try and get a couple men in here and there for you guys tho ;>

[slytherinlives]

My Year in Fic 2024

Thank you to @mirdeli for the tag! (love you and your writing <3)

First of all, I can't believe how much I've actually written this year until I sat down and took it all in. When I first started actively writing for the legacy fandom, it was a very different experience. I wrote my first fic as a fun continuation of the main story. I thought about where these characters might go and how their relationships would change in the wake of their choices. Then I hated it, deleted all 30 chapters from the internet and then re-wrote it. Then I started a second story with a new mc and new dynamics, that at the time I was really proud of. But then as I'm sure you all know, there was this person that went around accusing the adults who wrote with more mature themes and aged up characters of being foul things. Including but not limited to leaving cruel comments on art or fics that had anything above a T rating. It got so bad that it discouraged me from writing with mc content completely, which really broke my heart because I loved what I was creating with it.

But even after all of that, I couldn't stop creating stories. A big thing that resonates with me as a person as well as a writer is wanting to tell stories with characters that people already know and love but introduce themes that feel authentic to a human experience. Such as things like sexuality, anger, tense family dynamics etc.

And with that in mind, I started testing the waters with a silly little au for one of my favorite disney films Sleeping Beauty. Only this time featuring a love story without "mc". Then I did another silly au that was centered around one of my favorite superheros, Spiderman. (Both remain unfinished, but I plan to focus back on those this year)

In doing so, I found this corner of the fandom where everyone had been nothing but accepting and encouraging each other with their art and I finally started to feel more comfortable in posting my works again.

So, before I make this entirely too long, let's get into it:

My fics written in 2024: (I've published nearly 30, but I'm only going to share completed fics and the one's I'm proud of.)

Growing Pains Ominis/Sebastian 26k -single father/self discovery-

Tell Myself I Wouldn't Feel Things Ominis/Sebastian 32.3k -enemies to lovers/fake dating-

Open Yourself Up to Me and Surrender Ominis/Sebastian 2.7k -age insecurity/body worship-

I Hold You Close (In progress) Ominis/Sebastian 27.1k -friends with benefits-

Pepper Me Up Ominis/Sebastian 7.8k -sick fic/crack-

The Greatest 'What If' Sebastian/Garreth 7.8k -friends with benefits/prequel spin off of I Hold You Close-

Side Effects (On Hold) Sebastian/Fem!MC 56.3k -Reuniting/Mutual Pining/Friends to Lovers-

Across The Stars Sebastian/Fem!MC 1.6k -one shot collection with the same characters from Side Effects-

I know I'm mostly known for writing Sebinis/Weaslow now, and I love that because the friends I've made and the fun I've had over here I would never trade for anything. But I do hope one day I'll feel the drive again to finish Side Effects. (maybe even my first ever mc fic that's still up but that one more complex) I do love those characters so much and I miss them. Maybe one day.

With that said, I can't wait to share more stories (after completing some active ones first.) Maybe I'll even feel more confident to start posting my backlog for other fandoms.

Anyway, I'd love to see that everyone else has been up to this year! So I'll pass this along to @shyamanuensis , @pr0serpinas, @sunsetplums, and anyone else who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged!

See you all in 2025! <3

[irenewsky]

Anime I watched in 2023 (Part 1)

In honor of the new year, I’m gonna be casting a look back at the anime I watched last year. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a lot of free time to watch anime at the beginning of the year due to university kicking my ass, but after I finally graduated with my master’s degree, I could finally work through some of the backlog I had accumulated on Crunchyroll and Netflix.

Anyway, without further ado, this is a list of anime I watched in 2023 with some short descriptions and my own personal opinions. Let it be known, there is a lot of text in this one.

Also, since there ended up being a lot more shows that I watched than I thought there would be, this had to be cut in two -> Click here for part 2

Some of my older lists:

My favourite animes (Old. Tells of my tastes back in, like, 2018-2020 or something. Updated list coming once I get around to it)

Feel good anime Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Handa-kun

Handa Seishuu is a calligraphy prodigy and a high schooler. For years he has been living under the assumption that his student peers all hate him. This is, of course, a huge misunderstanding. In reality, Handa is very much admired in his school, to the point of being popular. Where did this misunderstanding stem from and how can it be resolved?

12 episodes - comedy, slice of life

I liked this one! Although I did have a little bit of distaste towards one of Handa’s so called friends. You’ll understand who and why if you decide to watch this.

Barakamon

Handa Seishuu, now a 25-year-old man, punches a famous, older calligrapher judging his latest work. As a consequence of his own actions, he is sent to live in small town in the countryside where a group of kids rutinely keeps breaking into his house. Beautiful friendships bloom between Handa and the people of this town.

12 episodes - comedy, seinen, slice of life

Took me an episode or two to get in to, but once I did I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Backflip!!

Shoutaro Futaba enters high school with intense love for sports, especially men’s rythmic gymnastics after he saw Shoushukan high school’s team perform in a competition. He enrolls into said high school and hopes to join the team despite not having any prior experience with gymnastics. Another boy, Ryouya Misato, get recruited alongside him and together with their senpais they start to work towards Inter-high tournament.

12 episodes and an OVA - sports

I started this in the beginning of the year and only got around to finishing it in November. Actually liked this one a lot! The final movie left me feeling so happy yet bittersweet. I recommend this one!

Skip and Loafer

Mitsumi Iwakura leaves her small countryside town and moves to Tokyo to live with her aunt in hopes that attending a prestigious high school would aid with her ultimate goals in life. As the new school year begins, Mitsumi leaves for school with high hopes, gets lost at the subway station, runs into classmate called Sousuke Shima and together the two barely make it to the entrance ceremony. What will her school life shape up to be?

12 episodes - romace, shojo

Nao-chan supremacy! The bestest aunt!

I really liked to animation animation style of this anime. For me, the show looks very soft and fresh in a spring and pastels kind of way. It’s hard to explain but I hope at least one person gets what I mean. I like the characters a lot and their interactions feel nice and grounded. The romance isn’t the main focus in this one, at least not in this season, which I liked since it’s always lovely to just see friendships put into the spotlight.

Buddy Daddies

What do you get if you combine two trained, professional assassins who live together and an accidental child acquisition? A riot of a family dynamic. Katsuki Kurusu and Rei Suwa fumble through their new shared life as parents to a four-year-old Miri Unasaka. What seemed like a temporary situation at first, stops looking temporary when genuine affection and care for the little girl and her well-being start to blossom in both men’s hearts.

13 episodes - action, comedy

This one was so good. I loved every minute of this and the characters’ dynamics worked so well together. Anyone in the shows comment section who complained about Miri being annoying had clearly never been around young children and it showed. Miri is a delightful little girl who loves her dads very much. There was also a fair bit of action in this which was a nice change of pace amidst all the parenthood things.

My New Boss Is Goofy

Momose Kentaro is a 26-year-old office worker working for a marketing firm, Minette. He is new to the job, having just recently quit his previous job due to power harrassement and abuse he received from his former boss. Can his new clumsy and little goofy manager Shirosaki Yuusei make him feel comfortable in his new job?

12 episodes - comedy, slice of life

I love everything about this show. The characters, the storylines in each episode, the art style. This just makes you feel happy and a little giddy. Definitely my favourite show of the year. This one earned the top spot on my rewatchable shows list.

If you liked Play It Cool, Guys or The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague, you might like this one.

Ron Kamonohashi’s Forbidden Deductions

Kamonohashi Ron was the best stundent of an elite detective school until an incident took away his future career path and made him live as a recluse as he refused to receive any information about the world outside his four walls. One day a police detective Totomaru Isshiki is adviced to approach Ron about a series of cases that have stumped the police for a while now. But because Ron is not allowed to do any sleuthing, Totomaru has to work as Ron’s puppet of sorts. Oh, and there is also the thing about having to keep Ron from influencing the killers to take their own lives. Oh well.

13 episodes - comedy, mystery

I’m a sucker for anything ’Sherlock Holmes’ type of media so this show was right up my alley. Eagerly waiting for the confirmed second season.

Play It Cool, Guys

Group of goofy and clumsy guys from different stages of life happen to meet one another and develop heartwarming friendships. Little mishaps won’t ruin their day!

24 (short) episodes - slice of life

Easily one of my favourites of the year. Watching this felt like sipping a cup of hot green tea while wrapped up in a blanket. Instant rewatch.

If you enjoyed The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague or My New Boss is Goofy, you might also like this one

Vanitas no Karte

A vampire named Noé Archiviste is looking for a book called ’the book of Vanitas’ in the 19th century Paris, when he unexpectedly meets a man calling himself Vanitas and carries the book he’s searching for. The Vanitas he meets isn’t the original maker of the book but a doctor who possesses the ability to save vampires by returning their true names to them.

24 episodes - action, fantasy, mystery

Me, mere minutes into the first episode: ”If anything were to happen to Noé, I would kill everyone in this room and the myself.” Anyway, love me some vampire action, especially with that late 1800s, early 1900s Paris vibe. Delicious.

Vampire Dies in No Time

One day vampire hunter Ronald is tasked to infiltrate a castle and save a woman’s son. Things don’t quite go as he expected. Inside the palace, he meets a vampire called Draluc, who is truly so pathetically weak that he turns to ash from smallest of things that ahppen to startle him, and Draluc’s companion, armadillo John. The kid he seeked was totally fine and playing with Draluc’s video games. Oh and Draluc’s castle gets destroyed. Yeah… Ronald has a new roommate now.

2 seasons - comedy, supernatural

This truly is armadillo John’s world and we’re just living in it.

Love me some more vampire action. Only this time it’s a lot less angsty and violent and a lot more ridiculous and goofy. I laughed so much while watching this.

[blueeyedrat]

Games I played in 2023.

Last year was stable. This year has been... less so. I've bounced between getting out more and shutting myself in more, and between trying to take better care of myself and letting small issues and stressors start to pile up. My steady job got a lot less steady, and I'm now out of work and finding ways to pass the time. Like video games, for instance. Shall we?

(2022 ⇐ 2023 ⇒ 2024)

Moncage

This was another decent year for getting caught up on games I've tried out and expressed an interest in before. Moncage, INSIGHT, Railbound, URBO, and a few other games you'll see further down the list. I also followed up on some games I've played in the past like Train Valley 2, and even dipped back into some old mainstays like Eternal. One of these days I'll find time for Minecraft or Dwarf Fortress again.

I more or less broke even on my backlog this year, chipping away at smaller games from assorted bundles I've picked up over the years, but also picking up some new bundles to add to the pile. So many games, so little time.

Before We Leave

While we're talking about the backlog, here's a game I've been interested in for a while. A settlement builder in a solar system of small planets, with a quaint aesthetic of wooden ships and massive space whales. I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed this one. The automation and logistics aspect is an interesting spin on the genre, even it gets a bit complex at times. Never too challenging, though, and there's enough depth and nuance to hold my interest all the way to the final stages and on towards the stars. I'm looking forward to the upcoming sequel.

The Legend of Zelda (series)

It's hard to go wrong with Zelda. I have fond memories of Skyward Sword, Wind Waker HD, and Breath of the Wild, and with a new one on the way, it seemed like as good a time as any to catch up on my library. In order: Link's Awakening DX, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, The Minish Cap, and the DLC quests from Breath of the Wild I never got around to. Our Wii U saw more activity than it's gotten in years.

Opinions on each: Awakening was a fun, solid 2D adventure that never overstayed its welcome, though the game shows its age at a few points. Likewise, Ocarina was an interesting look at the series' jump to 3D, but was also somewhat janky at times and it took a while for me to really get into a groove with it. (I think the turning point might've been the Water Temple. I actually liked the Water Temple. Ye gods.) Majora was a sizeable improvement gameplay-wise and played with the format in neat ways, though I'll admit that I butted heads with the time loop mechanic more than once.

I have a particular nostalgia for Minish Cap; some of my earliest memories of Nintendo games are watching my friend's GBA over his shoulder on the bus ride to elementary school. After so long, this was the one I was most curious to see if it held up. Answer: yes. Minish Cap is officially my favorite 2D Zelda, and the highlight of this little retro binge. There's a lot of charm to it, and it just feels good to play.

It may be a bit too recent for nostalgia, but I almost forgot how much I loved Breath of the Wild. My old file was exactly how I left it, and playing through the extra content was a good way to re-acquaint myself with the "new" Zelda style before…

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

This was a daunting one. If I had to sum up Tears in one sentence, it would be this: There is so much game in this game. Even compared to its predecessor, there's so much to do and so many more layers of exploration and interaction, with a wide array of smaller improvements that make it a smoother experience overall.

I wish I could say I put as much time into this game as I did into Breath of the Wild, and I did put a lot of time into it, but… some other things got in the way. Summer is when my work got a lot busier and a good amount more stressful, and this was a game I slowly chipped away at whenever I found time for it. I got pretty much everything I wanted out of it, and after the credits rolled, I put it away and haven't touched it since. I should change that. I'm sure there are more good times to be had.

Mutazione

The word that comes to mind to describe Mutazione is fascinating. It's a point-and-click narrative, light on gameplay, heavy on story and character. Of the other games I've played recently, the vibes remind me the most of Sable – quiet and contemplative, where all you want to do is observe and take in the world and characters that are being presented to you. It dovetails nicely with the story itself, which largely consists of a curious little soap opera playing out around characters who are along for the ride. The writing is some of the best I've seen this year, and gets real fuckin' raw in ways I wasn't expecting. This one will stick with me for a while.

Pikmin 3 / The Wild at Heart

I've never had the focus or dexterity for a really complex RTS, but Pikmin's always been a little more approachable. Played the second game in the series a while back, picked up a used copy of Pikmin 3 at a local convention this year, and with another one coming out, it seemed as good an excuse as any to make it a double feature.

Both games have their charms. Pikmin has a distinct style and sense of scale that's hard to replicate, and a good variety of environments and encounters and puzzles. The Wild at Heart is smaller in scope as a Pikmin-like, and hits some familiar beats while remixing some of the core ideas in interesting ways. The latter also put more of an emphasis on character and narrative, something I'd like to see fleshed out more, but what we got was still satisfying. Both games were fun, and I'm looking forward to getting my hands on Pikmin 4 soon.

Chants of Sennaar / Heaven's Vault

Another double feature – one game that caught my eye immediately, and another I've been curious about for a while. For a long time I've had a fondness for constructed languages, with scripts and writing systems of particular interest. The idea of decoding such a language lends itself well to a puzzle game, and these two approach it in different ways: Chants of Sennaar features multiple cultures in a Tower of Babel-esque setting, each with their own quirks and traits to learn and translate between, and their own puzzles to solve. Heaven's Vault opts for depth, with a single language and a vast history that you slowly unravel through exploration.

My verdict for both games is the same. The language puzzles are really cool and interesting! I want more of them! …Everything else in between gets sort of meandering at times. Not enough to drag down the overall experience, but perhaps enough to overstay its welcome. Sennaar filled the space with a mish-mash of puzzles and stealth, which felt oddly paced at times. Heaven's Vault's pacing was hit even harder with slow exploration and visual novel-esque story segments – fine enough for one playthrough, but the amount of wandering and backtracking involved makes me hesitant to go back and play NG+ to see the rest of the content. I don't have the patience to play a visual novel multiple times to see what all of the dialogue options do. The story's fine as is, and I got what I wanted out of it.

Even with their faults, these are still probably the games that influenced me the most in 2023. If anyone asks me, as a game dev, what I would make given unlimited time, resources, and creative freedom, from now on I'm going to point to Chants of Sennaar and say "something like that". I want more games like this to exist. I will make them myself, if I have to.

F-Zero 99

This wasn't the only racing game I played this year – a bunch of new content was added to Mario Kart 8, and I also pulled Horizon Chase Turbo from my backlog and spent a bit of time on that – but this is definitely the one that made the biggest splash. I've never played an F-Zero game, and it controls differently enough from other racers I've played that I had to unlearn a lot of muscle memory, but I got the hang of it after a while. The 99-player model is frantic in an enjoyable way, and races are quick enough that it's easy to pick up and play in short bursts… which is good, because short bursts are all my nerves can take with this one. Seriously this game is stressful. Fun, but stressful. Maybe one of these days I'll actually win a 99-player race.

Cobalt Core

I've been playing... a lot of Cobalt Core these past couple months. I don't jump on every roguelite or deckbuilder that comes out, but when one does get its hooks in me, they get in deep. This is another one of those games where everything just works. Great music and pixel art, fun characters (all traits shared with its predecessor, Sunshine Heavy Industries, which I also liked this year), a simple but engaging narrative, and an addicting gameplay loop that I can easily sink an hour into whenever the mood strikes me. It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it doesn't need to – it takes a lot of ideas from games that have come before it, and builds on them to create something really enjoyable. One of my favorite games of the year, without question.

Terra Nil

As we build up, so too must we tear down. This is another one I wanted to get to sooner or later, and managed to slip it in during the last couple weeks of the year. It's also a type of game I want to play more often; a lot of the time when I play sim and builder games all I really want in the end is to build nice-looking homes and environments, and Terra Nil spins that into a puzzle game where those things are the only goal. It was a nice time, but left me wanting more – either more content in Terra Nil, or more games like it.

Eastward

This game is… a curiosity. A solid action-adventure game with a memorable cast of characters and impeccably detailed pixel art. Gameplay flips back and forth between slow-paced story segments and fun setpiece levels with a decent variety of tools for combat and puzzle-solving. The biggest sticking point is the narrative: the pacing and worldbuilding felt odd and disjointed in places, particularly in the back half, sometimes feeling like it's saying too much and often like it's said too little. Yet throughout all that, it never failed to be compelling, and I was hooked all the way 'til the end. What's more, the idea of the upcoming Octopia DLC flipping the entire game and setting on its head has my interest thoroughly piqued – something to look forward to in the coming year.

-

Here's to 2024, and here's hoping things turn around sooner or later.

[dreamofhircine]

okay so here is the 2023 books year-in-review, this is going to be v. long because I ended up reading & re-reading a lot of my backlog after rebuilding the bookshelves in our house. This is going to be roughly sorted, and I'll try and say a little bit about each thing.

Hazel Jane Plante

Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) - I adored this! It's a slimmer book, closer to a novella, but it was maybe my favorite piece this whole year. The central premise of this is that in a haze of grief after the death of her bestie a woman gets way too into their shared fandom and writes a combination of TV show fandom zine, obituary & love letter. The two-part narrative structure is something that Plante would go on to play w/ more in

Any Other City - also a great book! This is written as the memoir of a trans punk rock star split between her journal style letters in the 90s as she navigated an art scene as a woman who doesn't realize it yet, and then picks up again in the 2020s after her own celebrity was cemented.

Casey Plett

Little Fish - Really rad slice of life about a mennonite trans woman in Canada who has a lot of feelings about that. This feels more than anything like a strong expansion upon several of Plett's short stories in A Dream of a Woman.

A Dream of a Woman - I got lost in so many of the stories in this anthology, Plett writes the lives of these women so vividly it feels like you know them. You probably *do* know them.

A Safe Girl to Love - Plett's first anthology, recently re-published. I was not *as big* a fan of this one, but it still holds up very well and is a good example of her style generally.

The Locked Tomb - I am gonna talk about all three of these in one go, actually. These were really sweet, really nice, I really like the approach to necromancy as just sort of another kind of science or physical force, worked through a process very close to magic. I've been seeing art of these characters around for a long time now and it is nice to finally put a personality to the faces. The pool scene in GtNth especially really hit.

Gideon the Ninth

Harrow the Ninth

Nona the Ninth

Peter Watts - This is also gonna get a block review because so many of the things here are interconnected to one another. Starfish to Behemoth are all in The Rifters Trilogy, and Blindsight & Echopraxia are a pair. Watts has a really great way of tearing down the human brain and playing with all the ways that trauma can influence it, how adaptational quirks can be weaponized. Starfish is probably the single best way to get into his work, but if 'vampires in space' sounds more your speed then Blindsight has it covered.

Starfish

Maelstrom

Behemoth

Blindsight

Echopraxia

qntm

There Is No Antimemetics Division - This is a republish of qntm's large body of work on the SCP wiki, sharing the same name. This is really solid, and the use of narrative negative space is interesting.

Valuable Humans in Transit and Other Stories - A slim collection of short stories and an overall much better showing from qntm, no longer tied up w/ SCP stuff. The things that delve into the implication of human mind based AI constructs especially is really strongly written and will leave you thinking for a while after.

The Division - Broken Dawn is the older entry and did not really capture my attention very strongly, it felt phoned in more than anything else. Recruited & Compromised by contrast could stand on their own w/o The Division branding though both are very well integrated into the game, w/ events going back and forth between the two now that the game is getting more narrative content to it.

The Division: Broken Dawn

The Division: Recruited

The Division: Compromised

D&D - You can probably guess why I jumped into these and what game got me to do it. Drizzt is something I avoided for a very long time because of the associations in the fandom and that was probably not unwarranted tbh. I probably won't continue w/ the series after Exile. It is competently written but these things are creaking w/ their own age and just don't have enough going on to stand on their own unfortunately.

Drizzt: Homeland

Drizzt: Exile

The Devil You Know - Another entry in the Brimstone Angels series, which is my favorite of any of the longer running D&D series. Centered around the misadventures of a Tiefling Warlock and how she gets pulled into the big-dick-swinging matches between various devils trying to make their weird little power plays.

40K

Horusian Wars: Incarnation - This was stellar. Great look at the Inquisition and how insular and back-stabby it can be, I hope more comes from this.

Kasrkin - A mostly by the numbers book that was written entirely to promote the 'kasrkin vs necrons' Kill Team box that came out a bit back. Competent but doesn't have anything new or interesting to say.

Pariah - Eh. This wasn't bad, but it wasn't that good either. Abnett has long been one of my favorite authors in general, not even just in 40k specifically, but I don't think it is controversial to say he has fallen off lately. Compared to his earlier stuff w/ the Inquisitors, hell even compared to stuff like that Horusian Wars book and Pariah just doesn't do enough and the whole Bequin sequence right now feels like it is mostly being done to shift things around in the meta-narrative rather than be good books that stand on their own feet.

The Armour of Contempt - I re-read this one recently and it was just as good as when I first picked it up in high school. Abnett is at some of his best here.

General Fiction (Unsorted)

The Archive Undying: The Downworld Sequence Book 1 - Homosexual activities in a sci-fi fantasy world once dominated by city-scale god-king AIs that went critically rampant a long time ago. This is a really great start to what I hope will be an excellent series.

The Darkness That Comes Before - Re-read after initially reading this when it was new and I was like a pre-teen. Definitely not a book a pre-teen should read and maybe some of that explains why I am like this now. Let's not look at that *too* closely, yeah? This still stands on its own after all these years, though I hear the series in general kind of flagged after a while. If you're into nihilist fantasy check it out.

Burning Chrome - Re-read and enjoyed yet again. Classic Gibson, lays the frame upon which the rest of his body of work would be built.

Pattern Recognition - Re-read this and it still holds up. Gibson is at his height here, calling shots that would start to land almost *immediately* after he published it. Reading this may re-orient your fashion sense entirely so be forewarned and have a bit of space in your wardrobe first I guess.

All You Need Is Kill - Another re-read! I got back into this after realizing that a lot of that traumatized mech pilot pornography I was writing drew so much inspiration for this. I still love the story, I still love the framing, I still love the short and brutal way it is written and the translation is very solid.

Wasteland: Stories of the Apocalypse - Yet another re-read. I originally read this in high school and I owe a great amount of creative debt to some of these stories, hugely influential works and I recommend picking this up.

This Shape We’re in - A tiny little novella by the author of Motherless Brooklyn (which is currently sitting in my 'to do' pile). There is no adequate way to describe this that wouldn't sound like a joke, it is Lethem's most unusual and maybe his best for that.

Poetry

In the Shape of a Human Body I Am Visiting the Earth - Mostly translated poetry, this was solidly collected and a great example of Global(tm) Poetry.

One Hundred Apocalypses and other Apocalypses - More microfic really but I liked this. The different ways the world can end, be it physically from bombs or emotionally in a bad text message.

Wound from the Mouth of a Wound - Simply beautiful collection of work by torrin a. greathouse, I *adored* this.

Non-Fiction

Underlands: A Deep Time Journey - This was beautiful, simply put. A deep dive (hehe) into places beneath the earth and the people that spend more time beneath the surface than above it. I especially loved the travelogue in the cordoned off sections of the Paris catacombs, you can really feel the claustrophobia and danger of it all.

Bitch: The Female of the Species - I picked this up solely because it had a picture of a hyena on the cover. I do not regret that, it was great and that is something I seldom stay about pop-academic gender books.

Emergence: Labeled Autistic - Temple Grandin's first autobiography. This has been heavily dated in how she talks about being autistic and she has changed her views on this several times, to the point where depending on the version you pick up there may be several introductions from the author in a sequence reflecting on this. It is rare to see autobiographies from notable autistic women, it is rare for there to *be* notable autistic women, so I am really happy that I read this.

Memento Mori: The Dead Among Us - Mostly a photo book that I picked up while on a trip to MFABoston w/ my girlfriend. This is a great little table book if nothing else.

Infrastructural Brutalism: Art and the Necropolitics of Infrastructure - A somewhat dry but well researched dive into massive infrastructure projects and the death cult attitude that empowers them.

Queering Mennonite Literature - A university press publication, you know the drill w/ these. Good base to start from if you want to get more into the intersection of queer & menno literature, which is why I picked it up after reading a lot of Casey Plett's books.

David Graeber

Bullshit Jobs - Maybe the best that Graeber has been, and also an example of him leaning really hard into the pop-science aspect of his public persona. If you've got an office job that feels completely fake please read this.

The Dawn of Everything - Graeber's last work before his death and... Well I think it is really good, well written, broadly researched, but much like Debt you're going to either agree w/ his premise or not. There are some rather radical takes here. I highly recommend it though.

Debt: The First 5000 Years - There has been a lot of back and forth on this and there will never be a solid answer. I think the arguments made here are fairly strong, pretty convincing, but if you're involved in this academically in any way you're liable to have a lot of strong opinions one way or another as you read it.

LitMags

Clarkesworld: Every sci-fi enjoying homosexual has a Clarkesworld subscription these days so I don't have a lot unique to say about this. Great year for work, I love the regular infusion of translated works as usual, and I hope that the recent business hits they've taken don't impact it too hard. Definitely re-subbing.

Alaska Quarterly Review: There were some good entries to this but for the most part it kind of felt like an 'eating your vegetables' situation. I probably won't renew for the next year, but I don't *regret* picking it up this year either.

McSweeney’s: Solid as ever, though I found the 'halloween' issue they did to be kind of boring overall. Everything else was primarily hits, and I'll be carrying this forward next year.

[sdaomine]

'til death do us part... or 'til i kill you first

Things take a sharp turn when Marius and Vyn discover each other's secret identities. Filing a divorce is on the table, but Vyn takes matters into his own hands—after all, he'd rather end the marriage here than in court.

A/N: Finally, FINALLY done with this fic that has long been rotting in my drafts! I've been wanting to write a Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU for my favorite gay ship but lacked the time to actually finish it (but here we are!). I wrote this in 2022 but only concluded it today, AMIDST my many, many university backlogs <3 Anyway, I know some stuff here won't make sense but this is a self-indulgent fic so... yeah.

wc: 13.8k words.

==

Six years in.

Six years of a wonderful marriage. Six years of black tea and chocolate drink during early mornings. Six years of intoxicating kisses, sweet and zealous; six years of what the youngest von Hagen called the best fuck he’d ever get in his lifetime.

You see, when you marry the love of your life and spend wild, beautiful years with them, you start to think you are building your relationship’s mighty foundation—that sooner or later, the two of you would be able to finally lower those invisible walls which had always separated you, because admit it or not, there is no marriage built without deep, dark secrets.

But six years in and Marius von Hagen finds himself holding tightly onto his gun—a pretty sleek silencer he so cherished, a gift from his brother—his back pressed hard against the wall just beside the stairs, waiting.

“Hah—shit. Shit,” he muttered under his breath, his chest heavy, almost suffocating. Marius pressed one hand against his heart, feeling its erratic pace and, at this very moment, he was all but trying to calm his rapid breathing.

But then there was a quiet creak on the wooden stairs.

Marius’ eyes screwed shut. Fuck fuck fuck—

Marius threw himself to the side, hiding further beneath the wall, just in time—just in time before a series of raining bullets holed through the wooden wall and the staircase banister, which was soon followed by another round of rapid firing. Marius shook his head as he waited for it to stop.

With one arm protecting his head, Marius leaned slightly against the safer side of the house. Deep down he cursed and cursed the sheer agony of having to prop himself like that against the wall, right after he had dived into the floor like it was some massive pool of water. “Goddamn,” he cursed quietly, and however could he not? His once neatly painted Victorian walls that probably cost some other person’s soul were now ripped into shreds, the wood falling off, their deadly splinters scattered around. There were holes all over, both small and wide, and Marius took a little peek.

There he is.

Vyn Richter, Stellis’ most esteemed psychiatrist: well-mannered, elegant, so fucking pretty. Marius was in awe even when the doctor, who still wore his pearl, white coat, carried two massive rifles in both of his hands. Fucking assault rifles. Just where the fuck did you keep those in our fucking house, Vyn?

A sly smirk curved the doctor’s lips. Vyn caught a glimpse of his husband peeking through the small holes and asked, a little too seductively for Marius’ taste, “Darling, you are still alive?”

Dammit!

Vyn held back a scowl when he heard nothing. Marius used to surprise Vyn whenever he came home from work, so it was not impossible the young CEO had already switched hiding places. And so Vyn, as silently as he could, made his way down the stairs—

“Still am, baby.”

Vyn dived down the stairs instinctively,  hissing out small, foreign curses as he landed—crashed—on the floor. He helped himself up with animalistic speed and grabbed his weapons, dashing towards the room opposite the wall where Marius continued to fire his silencer gun.

The doctor clutched his side and winced. Two minutes in and he already got himself a bruise.

“Stupid brat,” he muttered sharply as he reloaded his rifle. “Whatever crossed my mind? I should have killed him that fucking night.”

==

Two nights ago.

Vyn—in his white Mercedes—took a sharp turn round the bend of his English garden, leading out of the mansion gates. He was running, no, driving away from Marius. Why? Nothing much, really. Just that after six years of marriage Marius found out that aside from being a psychiatrist, his dear husband actually worked as an assassin. Learned that Vyn was a killer from another agency, which unfortunately for Marius was PAX’s worst rival with… well, dirty work.

But that wasn’t the worst part. Marius was an experienced killer, too, a secret even the best psychiatrist in the country must have somehow missed.

So… shit.

It was supposed to be a romantic dinner date. Vyn came home earlier than usual (he had to call off his assassination schedule that night) so he could cook his husband’s favorite dinner. The ever-so-loving Vyn Richter even lit candles on the table, did some last-minute flower arrangements, all so they’d have a good time (He even had half a mind to light candles and scatter rose petals across their bedroom, for a change). It had been a while since the last time he’d eaten a proper meal with Marius, anyway.

But there was something amiss, and Vyn was upset. Upset with the fact that he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Or what could possibly go wrong.

Although he was quite certain it involved his husband. And involved he was indeed because Marius was all but suspicious that whole evening, asking this and that, inquiries Vyn himself often utilized whenever he questioned a target or a client. And he wouldn’t have been a renowned psychiatrist if his husband’s dubious actions went unnoticed. Marius. I did not know he would be this daft.

Until the bottle of wine Marius was holding suddenly slipped from his grasp, and Vyn—who was seated, his back turned away, his attention wholly fixated on anything other than Marius and his wine—caught the bottle swiftly with one hand.

It was then he realized he’d made a grave mistake, because if anything his husband’s grip was always firm, and not in this life would Marius von Hagen let a million-stellin wine slip from his hands.

Marius let it slip on purpose.

And now Vyn drove his Mercedes the way a lunatic would their car, ramming on the trash bins and fences and even some of the patches of roses from his beloved garden, all to escape from his husband. Because apparently, his dirty secret’s out, and Marius is out to get him (perhaps).

The car screeched as he took a sharp turn, finally out from their mansion. Was he a free man, now? Not exactly—Marius von Hagen suddenly appeared in the middle of the road, running. Vyn muttered under his breath. Goddammit. He took the shortcut. I forgot about the shortcut—

A bang sounded, and the next thing Vyn knew, there was a crack on the windshield. The car halted abruptly.

Vyn scrutinized the crack. A bullet.

“Did…” he mused—hissed, rather—as his eyes trailed to where Marius was knelt on the ground, slowly helping himself up. “Did this bastard just try to shoot me?”

Marius almost flinched when Vyn, just a meter or two from him, slammed his hands on the car horn repeatedly. If it wasn’t his pretty little husband Marius would’ve just shot the car until the tires go off and the driver dead; but then again it was Vyn inside that car, and—

And the windshield… has a crack. And I have a gun. And I…

Marius swallowed. And he must’ve accidentally pulled the trigger when he hopped out of the bushes from the sidewalk and tripped. And now Vyn thinks he tried to shoot him.

“Baby, accident.” Marius now stood in front of the car, and the sight of his husband—who looked angry as hell—could be seen clearly from his line of vision. He hoisted both arms, the way a cornered, guilty criminal would, and repeated his words gently, “Baby, accident. Accident.”

Marius gestured to his gun. “I tripped. Accident,” he shouted. Marius didn’t really give a damn anymore whether or not the neighbors would hear him. “Baby, accident—no, stop!”

Marius inhaled sharply as he heard the engine rev—and it revved loud, as if a warning, more than enough to tell Marius if he didn’t step out of the way at that very moment Vyn would drag him to death by way of a hit and run.

And he did not hesitate.

“No, stop! Wait!” Marius waved his arms frantically, almost throwing away his gun just so he could show Vyn he wouldn’t dare hurt him. However it was his mistake that he pondered it at all, because Vyn Richter was the pettiest man alive, petty enough to actually hit the gas and hurl the vehicle towards Marius.

Oh, shit. Is this my end?

The car steered forward, its speed almost inescapable (for anyone in Marius’ situation). Marius gathered all his weight and lunged at the car, and Vyn then piloted the steering wheel in a rapid pace, left and right, in an attempt to haul his husband—probably ex-husband soon—out of the car, but to no avail. “Get off my fucking car!” he yelled irritably. “Marius von Hagen!”

Marius even managed to smirk as he held onto the side of the car (for dear life). “Stop the car—” he shouted back, his face almost hitting the windshield. “Vilhelm von Hagen!”

“Fuck you.”

“When?”

“Saturday, if I have not killed you yet by then.”

“Sweet.” Marius took advantage of Vyn getting carried away by their banter—Vyn could only hiss out in frustration as Marius broke the passenger seat window with the handle of his gun. It didn’t take long before he was halfway inside the vehicle, and Vyn was fumbling with his seatbelt.

But Marius was a second too late. The moment he’d gotten inside entirely, Vyn had already thrown himself out of the vehicle, and the Mercedes, along with Marius, was heading straight to the dark woods.

“Fuck you,” Vyn spat, still lying on the asphalt, catching his breath. He had wounds and scratches all over his skin—so much for all his skin routines—but that did not matter at the time. He fished out his phone from his pocket and dialed a number.

“Good evening,” he greeted rather blandly. “Yes. Please fetch me, and bring something sweet. I need my sugar levels to spiral.”

==

Present times.

And so they are here, trying to shoot one another’s head. Marius had initially come to gather his hidden weapons, only to find them gone. Vyn must’ve found out. The psychiatrist, on the other hand, returned home and got his guns ready. Heck, Marius even considered the great possibility of his husband setting up traps within the house.

Now we can tell who loves who more.

Yeah. That would be me, Marius would say. I love this sick fuck more than he loves me.

He peeked at the stairs. Marius caught Vyn claiming the opposite wall as his barricade, swore to god heard his muse wince at what could’ve been new bruises. He chewed on his lower lip as he crouched and stalked along the hallway with confident precision—he moved the way shadows would devour the night, utterly soundless as he coursed towards their dining area, which was also a connecting room to their massive kitchen.

To Vyn’s kitchen, his mind noted, almost like an instinct. His beloved had always been the one to cook all their meals, bake mouthwatering desserts and mix their cocktails and most times they’d end up hot that Vyn would find himself bent over the counter with Marius railing him from behind. Sometimes atop that long table, where Marius would feast on his husband the way he would his favorite meal; in return, Vyn knelt on the carpet under the table and sucked Marius’ hard cock until he moaned and screamed his name and squirted his cum on Vyn’s crystalline smooth face.

Marius was never in the kitchen, that sacred place. Sacred to his husband, at least, but when he did go there, it was always to admire Vyn while he prepped their meals.

He let out a bitter chuckle as he entered the dimmed space. Good old days.

Marius scanned the room, one he was most familiar with, before he proceeded to check under the table and chairs, ran his hands along the wall, removed the exquisitely-framed portraits hanging on them as a precaution. He knew Vyn couldn’t have been here for long; he wouldn’t have ample enough time to set up his baits within the house, but just in case.

He’d learned well not to underestimate Vyn. Vyn Richter, of all people.

Keeping his steady stance, Marius trod towards the high archway that led to the kitchen hall. He moved with a spy’s practiced grace and quiet, walking about the area as he quickly drafted a plan in his head. It was safer here, he thought, for almost little to no lights were switched on, and none of them would dare, since the lights could only be opened with two claps or a snap. Even without Marius’ careful movements, Vyn won’t be able to locate him that quickly. Especially since their house was a goddamn mansion.

No, screw that. A goddamn castle. If Vyn had not declined his husband’s initial offer with regard to housing, their residence would have looked like Buckingham Palace, except it was in Stellis.

Well great. How nice would it be to reminisce while your husband’s lurking in the same house, trying to kill you? Marius blew a sigh through his nose, frustrated. Couldn’t this be resolved with yet another delftware imported from France—

Marius went cold. “Fuck.”

He went cold because somehow, he’d forgotten that he didn’t really own this kitchen. That even though he’d been here a lot of times to fuck his husband on that table and over that counter, he wasn’t there enough to fully know and memorize each tile, each wall, each delftware that perched on display. Because somehow, Marius had focused on the possible threats that he’d missed the most unsuspecting yet lethal ones: Vyn’s decorative collection of teacups and teapots and plates.

And perhaps the odds were not in his favor tonight, because Marius accidentally bumped into one, and the teapot—even though he had caught it with his hand at first—proceeded to take its fall and break itself into hundreds of tiny shards. Marius stilled, his blood thrumming in alarm.

At first, there was silence. The eerie kind.

And then rained a series of bullets from the dining room entrance.

“Fuck fuck fuck—”

Marius dived into floor, clutching his silencer. He crawled swiftly under the long table until he reached the archway to the kitchen. He stood on his feet and snatched his other pistol from its belt holster, scanning the kitchen—a fucking enormous kitchen—for efficient shields, weapons, or if the heavens somehow favored him again, a possible way out. An escape from his deranged husband.

He’s too beautiful for someone demented, though.

He heard footsteps. Slow and steady, its familiar, elegant cadence enough a warning for Marius to keep his guard, his guns hoisted and at the ready. In one stride, he took refuge beside the fridge, the opposite side of it facing the entrance.

And then there was a distant, honeyed voice. “You dare break my delftware.”

“You fired because of a fucking teapot?” Marius sneered, but cackled all the same. “You’re crazy.”

“Your fault for marrying me.”

“A horrible decision, really.”

Vyn pulled the trigger and fired, the bullet merely grazing past the fridge. A warning. “I gathered. Seeing how you are out almost every other night, only to a foolish spouse will that go unnoticed,” Vyn uttered, his voice laced with venom—bitterness. “Tell me, darling. How many ladies have you fucked while you were gone?”

Marius resisted the urge to step out of his hiding spot and confront his husband head-on. “Fucking stop it, Vyn. Are you serious? This again?” he complained, the grip around his silencer tightening in his simmering anger. “I never cheated on you, godammit. I told you—I was out for business. How many times do I have to drill that into your head?”

“Ah, yes. Business. And what exactly is your business, Marius?”

Marius chuckled. “I could ask you the same, baby,” he said in his smoothest, sweetest voice, then strode out from his refuge, aiming his silencer at Vyn. In those few, shared seconds of conversation he’d noted where his husband stood, where he was facing, the appliances which surrounded them—Vyn won’t be able to duck anywhere, and could not possibly sprint too fast to shield himself from Marius’ attack.

But then again—he shouldn’t have underestimated.

Because when he’d stepped out, Vyn was not there.

He was already behind him.

“Shit—”

He did the most possible, most horrible thing he could think of: as he swiveled round to Vyn’s direction, Marius hooked his fingers under the fridge’s recessed handle, pulled it open, then slammed its massive steal door against Vyn.

“Scheisse.” The fridge door rammed against him face-first—Vyn’s nose throbbed with a nasty pain, and he sensed hot liquid leaking from it, tasted the coppery tang of blood when it drifted further into his mouth. “Fucking. Swine.”

He knew the fridge door would be a serviceable shield, knew the bullets he’d fire would protect Marius no matter what and doing so would only be a disadvantage. However Vyn blasted back that instinct, that knowledge, and proceeded to rain yet another series of bullets towards Marius (or the fridge, actually), all because of sheer aggravation. How dare he slam that door into his face—was he not his muse, his darling? Was he not this ethereal man Marius had always drawn and sketched and painted on his canvases for he wished to preserve his beauty?

Goddammit—the curse looped inside Vyn’s head, his nose flaring with rage. His nose fucking hurt.

And Vyn screamed along his firing, both weapons aimed toward the fridge. The kitchen was dimmed, with no lights on and so all he could see were the blazing yellows and oranges and reds, could only hear the all-too-familiar bangs and booms as the shots blasted through the metal.

He stopped attacking. Vyn wept the blood from his face with the sleeve of his once immaculate, white coat, wincing as he did. His nose stung so much and it rendered him so very, very furious. “Marius von Hagen,” he said. Hissed.

A low chuckle. “Vilhelm von Hagen. Or would your surname be back to Richter now?”

And there was silence, utter silence, before Vyn’s life flashed before his eyes.

The psychiatrist could only slide back as the fridge—which was a whole lot bigger than him in all aspects possible, completely towering over him—started slanting from above and down to crush him. It was too swift that he could only clumsily stumble back, almost slipping on the tiles and making a fool out of himself.

Marius heard Vyn curse in a vague, foreign language—German, no, Svartian, probably—as he scurried to save himself and dodge his husband’s pretty little trick. Actually, screw that, Marius thought. Pushing this goddamn fridge might very well be his disadvantage: one, it was too heavy it took a lot of effort and energy, and two—the kitchen was a spacious room and he threw his only barricade away.

No matter. He will just have to remedy that, in whatever way he can.

Like taking advantage of his disoriented, recuperating rose by means of taking their electric stove and throwing it in Vyn’s direction.

He’d turned away before that stove hit his husband.

No. He didn’t want to see that.

Didn’t want to see his husband hurt.

He released a sharp breath and looked skyward, then blinked his eyes repeatedly, well-aware of the stinging tears threatening to flow. He ran to the exit all the same, his only goal to escape—he didn’t wish a violent shoot-out with his love, inside their home, no less, but he needed to return the act lest he got killed.

All this—the thought of killing Vyn would kill Marius just the same, anyway.

Heh. He didn’t seem to hesitate shooting me, was what roved in his mind as he made his quick escape. God. That hurt. That fucking hurts.

And he was now well on his way out, finally, with only a step before the archway when Marius peered over his shoulder—then regretted it shortly after.

A kitchen knife had grazed past his ear, the tip of its blade hitting the wall with a dull, slicing thud.

Marius stood there for a while, utterly shocked. Vyn hurled the blade too skillfully that blood trickled down his ear—only a slight brush with the knife, truly, and there was only a minor sting—and Marius recalled it again and again, the way that knife went past him so swiftly, almost like a soft winter’s breeze.

Maybe he deserved it. He’d broken not only Vyn’s delftware but his nose, too.

“Just to remind you, my darling.” Vyn stood steady far across him, his gun hanging by his side, his other arm still held forth after throwing the knife like a sports dart. He was bleeding, his nose and his arm, yet his poise was much like a prince’s, still, as if he hadn’t partaken in this chaos of an indoor shoot-out.

Oh and despite himself, Marius swooned when Vyn had addressed him darling.

“That you destroyed my fridge.” He leveled his gun, his aim at Marius’ direction. “And inside that fridge were all the pastries I had worked so hard for this goddamn week—more particularly that matcha cake.”

Ah, Marius thought, almost nodding unconsciously. I’m thoroughly fucked, then.

The psychiatrist fired another time, only once, but close enough to shoot off Marius’ ear.

Thoroughly, completely, perfectly fucked.

If that bullet blasted a few inches down Marius was sure he’d only have one serviceable ear left. Fuck it. Vyn’s aim was as good as his so thank the heavens the odds somehow favored him tonight because if they didn’t, his head would be pounding with a static burn at this very moment for he got his ear blown off to oblivion.

Marius sprinted. Not out, because the hallway was narrow and with how accurate Vyn’s aim is, he was certain he’d get shot at some point. So instead he darted to the side at lightspeed. “Goddammit, Vyn!” he shouted as Vyn fired constantly, following his every stride; thank goodness there were no kitchen lights and Vyn couldn’t see clearly even with those ugly glasses. “You’re really going to blow off my ear? How am I to hear your needy moans then?”

“You will not hear them again.”

“Not of pleasure,” said Marius as he slid behind the mid counter, hiding away from Vyn. He tugged open the small cabinet and swiftly made a slice on the gas hose before he slithered away like a madman and out to the archway. It would be nasty with that leaking gas and Vyn’s shotgun.

Wow, thank god we weren’t all into electric shit.

When Vyn fired, the kitchen exploded in flames.

Vyn threw himself back, and he crashed into the wooden floor, breaking his glasses in the process. Every part of him ached, and his head pounded; his vision was obscured without his glasses, the narrow hallway a distant horizon he was not sure he’d reach because he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe—

His thighs burned, a hot, searing pain pulsating within his loins, and it was only then that he realized he was on fire. Like it was his second nature the doctor halted thrashing and crawled to the nearest open space, that area near the archway, and rolled himself across, exhausting the flames on his person.

He wouldn’t dare glance at his burns. He couldn’t stomach them for sure.

Not because they were gruesome, no, but because he cared greatly for his vanity, and now his efforts had been all in vain. So much for face and body value.

He snatched his gun, then, and hastened out of the burning kitchen and into the dining area.

Vyn didn’t mind the burn, the throbbing, the pain that wished to devour him. Not when his adrenaline was spiraling and begging to be put to fucking use. His instinct—an assassin’s or a husband’s, he couldn’t discern—led him out and around the lobby, up the stairs, to that one, distinctive chamber his husband treasured most.

The Atelier.

The memories rushed in with each step, every soundless stride. He’d designed that room with Marius, had decorated it day and night with him. Had baked cookies and delivered them there, so Marius would have something to eat as he worked on his new opuses; had stayed by his side as he recounted stories with his paint.

Had taken off his silken robe as he perched on the chaise, naked, looking so ethereal as Marius painted him, brought his beauty to canvas.

The reward? Marius had fucked him silly all through the night, on that very same couch.

Vyn took deep breaths. He acknowledged those memories, accepted them. Then locked them all away.

He hoisted his gun, and tiptoed close, closer. No signs told him Marius was inside, but Vyn steered forward, trusting his gut as it churned at his intuition—he is here. I do not know why, but I know he is here.

He ticked that box with a check.

As he entered the room a silencer shot, hitting just behind him. Marius stood by the opened windows, his weapon in hand; a thick cable wrapped around the atelier’s metal handle and it fell outside, down to Vyn’s precious garden. He was escaping.

“Heh.” Vyn aimed his gun at Marius, the smirk on his face menacing. “Planning for escape?”

Marius threw him an annoyed glance. “You put the house on a fucking lockdown.”

Vyn shrugged his shoulders. “You were able to open that window,” he said. “Whatever happened to the alarms?”

“Switched them off first.”

“And the window?” No one was supposed to open any part of the house when it is on lockdown.

“I know shit on this house that you don’t know of.”

“Ah. Well, that does not matter.” Vyn trod forward, careful. The weapons were still aimed at one another as he neared a small, circular table where Marius’ rarest pigments sat in glass bell jars. “What matters is… oh, look. These are your pigments.”

“Vyn.”

“Such rare pigments,” mused Vyn, eyeing the expensive, imported, rare set of paints atop the table.

Marius took a cautionary step forward. His hand reached towards his husband, the gesture as if attempting to halt whatever deranged thing Vyn framed out to do. “Vyn—”

“Imported from Italy, yes?” The older man trailed, his finger brushing against the glass. “Ah. And this one was from our Grand Tour—France, if I remember correctly. From Louvre.”

“Don’t shoot it.” Marius’ voice shook. “Don’t fucking shoot it.”

Vyn stopped. He chuckled—then looked up at Marius. “All right,” he said with an innocent smile, “I won’t.”

Then struck the table’s legs so it tumbled down, onto the floor, the special paints now mere, vibrant stains that tarnished the wooden tiles.

Vyn sneered at Marius. “Screw you.”

And proceeded to fire not to his husband, but everything inside the atelier: the canvases, both empty and brimming with colors, the vases and the chairs and stools, the portraits on the wall, the unfinished sketches and all the works in progress—the Seti Falls among other brilliant landscapes of their travels in Skadi, in and around Stellis, all the way to Europe.

Marius seethed, and one may even argue he was about to breathe out flames. “You fucking fiend—”

Vyn halted his advances when his aim pointed to an unfinished portrait of him.

Gods, he looked beautiful in it. Like the image of a prince, one of which a hopeful maiden would see only in the fairytales she reads, wondering if she’d ever snag a man as handsome as him. His lips were curved into a half-smile, all so lucious, and Vyn felt that familiar, rancid guilt tug at him—only a little, he wanted to deny it—as he wondered the many hours Marius had worked to capture him as beautifully as he could. Not that it was a hard task, for Vyn had always been a most spectacular muse, but still…

He lowered his gun and spared that portrait from his rage—saved himself from his own, unfettered violence.

But soon enough, Dr. Richter would realize that only portrait Vyn had been granted salvation.

Vyn nonchalantly aimed at his husband another time, did not hesitate, even a sliver, as he pulled the trigger toward Marius. But Marius dodged and rolled to his back, deftly until he tumbled against the wall under the window, and with a terrifyingly calm expression poised himself to kneel on the tiles.

Vyn reloaded his gun. “What are you doing, kneeling there?” he seethed. “Have you given up, darling?”

“No,” said Marius, a chuckle rumbling down his body. His amethyst eyes had darkened, and Vyn tensed, feeling gooseflesh all over his skin as Marius took something out of his person—a hand grenade.

“You know what,” the young von Hagen began, his voice low and cold, “I shouldn’t have tended your garden during the days you weren’t here.”

“You are to stop this instant.”

“What do you say? Fuck off and say adiós to your precious little garden.” It only took a split of a second as Marius pulled the pin with his mouth, and tossed it behind him, the grenade hurtling over his husband’s precious sanctuary of roses and lilies.

Only a split second before Vyn Richter’s garden exploded into a thousand, splendid fireworks.

And if it weren’t for his unmitigated, passionate fury thrumming with each breath, each step, and every thunder of his heart transcending over the harrowing, golden flames burning in the dead of night, of which singed the beloved flowers he’d tended to for years, Vyn would’ve fallen to his knees onto the wooden tiles, and cried his heart out in heavy grief.

But Vyn stood there, not moving an inch, as he watched the scorching fire. The flares flickered in his eyes, round and round the deepest trenches of those golden hues, until all he could see and feel was…

Well, nothing. As if unbothered.

However his mind, his brilliant mind toiled clearly—too vivid, the thoughts smooth-sailing in his ocean of schemes.

“Dieser verdammte Marius,” he muttered—that goddamn Marius—as he strode near the doorway, opened an emergency cabinet, and pulled the heavy, metal handle, activating the manor’s fire sprinklers.

Wet chemicals erupted from the ceilings, all over the house. Vyn navigated the halls and the rooms with precision, checking the bedroom, the lounge, the bar, in a search for a certain von Hagen.

He hoisted his gun as he trod to each chamber, each corridor. Vyn went down the stairs and proceeded, with much caution, to the main living room—

When a click sounded behind him.

“Let’s stop this now, Vyn,” Marius said quietly as he drew closer, his silencer only a meter or two away from his husband’s back.

“Unlock the house, and we can separate in peace—”

Vyn swung around, pivoting on his heel, and knocked Marius’ weapon out of his grasp.

Marius stumbled to the side, but maintained his balance almost as instantly. “What the—”

“You are naive to think that after all this, I would let you out.” Now it was his time to brandish his gun, leveling the weapon slowly to Marius, who now had both hands raised in surrender. He was on the farthest corner of the room, trapped; his only escape was the very path Vyn stood on, getting in his way out, deliberately so. “Well, well. What do we have here?”

“Your loving husband.”

Vyn’s brow raised, and his features scrunched into disdain. “I would not say that—”

He was cut off by Marius pouncing onto him with all his weight, Marius’ hands wrapped around his own, restricting him and the gun. And before Vyn could even try to get away Marius sent him to the ground—Marius had forcefully slid his leg against Vyn’s, and when his husband lost his balance, the two of them plunged into the floor.

At the impact, Vyn’s grip loosened, and Marius kicked the gun away from them as he helped himself up.

Oh, zounds. Why did I kick it away? I should’ve taken it—

A flower vase came hurtling toward him, and Marius shielded his face from the glass, letting it break into tiny shards as it fell to the floor. And his jaw might’ve been broken, too, for Vyn had suddenly appeared in front of him, and threw Marius the best jaw-breaking punch he had ever received.

“Fuck—”

It was painful, to be sure, but he had no time for such. He caught Vyn rushing to the doorway.

What’s he doing?

Marius’ face scrunched and he winced, the pain in his jaw utterly excruciating.

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck.

He’s going for the gun.

“No way in hell.”

Marius the nearest object he could find—a mini coffee table—and hurled it in Vyn’s direction.

He stood on his feet and sprinted to the doorway. The table had hit Vyn’s torso, the impact heavy on his waist, and he dropped to the floor, groaning in pain.

But before Marius could reach for the gun himself, Vyn held him by the leg.

He landed face-forward. His arms, thank goodness, saved him from rendering his handsome face wretched. Marius rolled onto his back, only for Vyn to lunge at him.

Vyn first threw a punch to his jaw yet again, but Marius caught his wrists. With a mighty force Marius was able to toss Vyn to the side—he was the stronger one, after all—and Vyn ended up with his back against the couch.

Vyn was still recuperating when Marius came to wrap his hands around Vyn’s neck, restricting his breathing. His hands went instinctively around Marius’, punching and pulling and desperate to get away. At last Vyn gathered enough strength to move away from the chaise and to the side, bringing Marius with him; Marius who, despite his strength, admitted to struggling with Vyn’s futile attempts to escape.

But the next thing Marius knew, he was throwing his husband across the room.

Vyn flew directly to the massive grandfather’s clock, the glass shattering and raining over him.

Blood now stained the doctor’s face, his body. But at that very minute he wouldn’t feel any wound, any injury. Just the unfaltering will to fight to death with his husband.

He felt betrayed.

He was scared. He was so scared he would lose him—to a woman, to PAX, to this. Add the five consecutive nights he’d prepared dinner for them and Marius never came home.

He’d rather end the marriage here than in court.

Marius dashed towards him, ready to pounce. Vyn caught sight of the expensive wine bottles on the table beside him.

And so he snatched two of the wine bottles and smashed them on either side of Marius’ head. The bottles crashed, and Marius bellowed in pain. Crimson leaked in his skin, his clothes—was it the wine? His blood? Vyn swallowed as took in the sight of his husband, hands on his head, moaning in deep pain; he looked away immediately and strode out from Marius’ reach.

Marius chuckled. “Of course you’ll go for the gun.”

“Do you not think it the easiest way out?” Vyn merely said, his voice higher, obviously vexed. Yet the way he spat those words was honeyed, still. “I shoot you, I win.”

“Is that what this is all about?”

“Yes.”

“Ah.” Marius staggered, but pressed onward. “Then you’re not getting that gun.”

In quick strides Marius threw himself at Vyn, but the older man rolled himself easily over the couch. Marius pushed the chaise to the side with one swift move, and only the oval glass-lined coffee table separated them.

Like that table’s gonna do shit.

And it all began with footwork. In his fighting stance, Marius assessed his husband, the two of them circling around the table slowly, vigilantly. Waiting for the other to hint at their weakness, to give away their hidden cards—neither knew the other’s tricks, having only found out their secret careers this evening.

But goddammit, Marius cursed inwardly as he observed his muse with that perfect sparring form, however his bearing elegant, still. The lock of his shoulders, the way his forearms were bent to his elbows, his knees curved just right; that determined face, his brimming confidence—goddammit, goddammit, goddammit.

Perfect.

He’s perfect.

I love him.

“Well fuck me. You always made me carry your heavy stuff, but now you look like you’re ready to carry me to my grave.”

Vyn smirked—then pushed the table with his foot.

The force was too strong that Marius knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it on his own, and that he’d only hurt whatever part of him that met the table’s edge. The table slid forward, launching straight at Marius, and all he could do was leap on top of the table.

It was small, that table. Marius lost his balance and fell face-forward to the marble tiles.

“Fuck it,” he groaned, his elbows stinging. “I fucking hate you—”

Vyn gripped his shoulder and swung him around, his back now on the floor. “Hello, my love,” he purred as he pinned both Marius’ hands atop his head, then straddled him. “Do you like this?”

Marius smirked. “You on top? Hell yeah.”

Vyn’s fist went flying to his face.

“FUCK—” Marius groaned, his nose stinging. He could almost taste the metallic tang of blood. “I can’t believe you ordered me to carry your shit around when you can punch this hard.”

“You betrayed me.” Vyn landed another punch. “You are a liar! You lied to me!”

“Look who’s fucking talking!”

“Go to hell.”

With his weakening grip on Marius, the young von Hagen was able to snatch his arms and finally turn the goddamn tables. He wrapped his legs around Vyn’s torso and flung themselves to the side.

Vyn gasped. Marius now sat on top of him, towering over him. His grip on Vyn’s wrists was too tight they could’ve been red with the mark of his fingers, or a nasty purple because of bruising—god, they could’ve been a pale blue for that grip might as well halt the blood from coursing through.

“Now, now, sweetheart.” Marius pinned his lover’s wrists on the floor. He noted the slightly frantic tussling, Vyn’s… sexy labored breathing. “I think I like this better,” he whispered. “Me on top of you.”

And Vyn could only gasp as Marius grappled his throat. Not to kill him—to weaken him, somehow. To make him lose consciousness. And then he’ll decide from there.

“Hck—” Vyn’s choking filled his ears and, even when he wanted to, he couldn’t look away. “M-Marius—”

Stop it. You’re hurting him.

His grip did not weaken.

“Hck… P-Please—”

Don’t say it. Don’t.

Say it. Vyn hurt you. You’re just returning the favor.

I can’t...

“Look at you. I love choking you like this,” Marius spat, his eyes dark and wicked. I’m going to hell for this—I’m sure of it. “If only this were a different circumstance.”

He caught Vyn’s arm flailing to his sides, and Marius wondered why he’d suddenly stopped grasping the hands that throttled him—until Vyn seized something and smashed it to his head, sending him backward.

A lampshade this time. From yet another small desk drawer just beside them.

Well, Marius thought. I should’ve seen that coming.

Vyn was, however, still frail from Marius’ attempt to strangle him. His breathing was strained, his face breaking out in cold sweat.

And hot tears rolled down his pale, bloodied cheeks.

However his adrenaline pumped again, and again, and even when his head pounded a fire burned from within, and he tried to go on all fours, a futile attempt to stand.

Marius now stood, albeit unsteadily due to the impact of the lampshade on his temple. “Come on, honey,” he managed to say despite himself, imitating a sparring stance, “come to daddy.”

Vyn inhaled a sharp breath.

He turned on his back, then, and used all his remaining strength to kick his husband’s groin.

“Fucking fiend—” Marius moaned in agony as he fell to his knees.

“Heh,” Vyn chuckled darkly. “Who’s your daddy now?”

“Ahahaha,” Marius managed a laugh. For some reason, it did not sound even the least sarcastic. In fact, it sounded so… genuine. “That’d still be me, Vyn,” he breathed, “still me.”

Then he rolled to the side, Vyn the other way around.

When they got up to their feet, nimble as men who were yet to be injured and beaten up, Vyn and Marius found themselves in a rather precarious situation:

Their guns on each other’s heads.

Blood coated their faces. Some trickled down, some already dried from earlier’s violence, the crimson-brown marking their skin as if pinpointing just where they had tried to inflict pain on one another. Desperate breaths filled the thrashed room, heaving in attempts to ease the thumping hearts, seemingly beating for something other than the desire to kill—perhaps beating for love, still.

The room had now quieted. No more crashing and shattering and heavy thuds brought about by relentless kicking and punching and hurling. The once catastrophic space was now but a peaceful one, at least in terms of sound and every other external force of nature.

“Let us end this here.”

Vyn’s tone never wavered. It was still as honeyed, elegant. But neither had the strength to actually ask, is that what you really want?

“Baby.”

“Stop,” he said, or rather breathed, as if Vyn had drained all capacity to speak, and Marius almost didn’t hear it, but he did. He always did. “Don’t you dare call me that.”

“Okay.” Marius nodded. His gaze remained fixated on Vyn, who so determinedly held out his gun, although Marius wondered why his finger was a little far off from the trigger. He took that as a good sign—something to hold onto. “So,” he began, his silencer still aimed towards his husband, “what now?”

I do not know, he had the urge to say. But he wouldn’t say it. Not in this life.

“Are we to stay like this the entire night, Vyn?”

“No, of course not.”

“Should I worry now?”

“As you should.”

“You’re going to kill me?”

Vyn’s eyes snapped to him, meeting those eyes of dark amethyst, and Vyn realized he hadn’t been looking at Marius this whole time, only to a random part of his face so it would seem like he was strong enough to take this head-on. But when their eyes met he felt his breath catch, and gods did Vyn want to whip everything back in time just so this didn’t happen. Just so he would have him back.

It is still him, he told himself. This youthful man, so willingly returning his gaze even though Vyn bore some brutal promise, always the man who could see him, who chooses to see through him and accepts what sought refuge beneath the facade—still Marius.

My Marius.

Vyn gasped, more loudly than he’d intended, when the silencer dropped to the floor.

His line of sight panned up to Marius. “What are you doing?” he hissed with unmistakable, rising fury. “Pick it up.”

Marius raised his arms, slowly, in surrender. “I don’t want to.”

“Pick up the gun.”

“I can’t.”

He inhaled sharply that the air could cut his throat, which was painfully drying, his heartbeat starting to race another time as he attempted to persuade him, “Pick it up, Marius! Pick the fucking gun—”

“No,” Marius said, shaking his head in regret.

“FIGHT. FAIR. THIS IS NOT FAIR.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Believe me.”

He was pleading, and Vyn knew that. Not pleading for his life, but pleading his love.

Until Vyn asked, “Why did you do it?”

His eyes lit up. It didn’t matter whether Vyn would accept his answer, he didn’t even care if he would believe him, but he was so damn happy Vyn was at least interested to know. And he deserved the truth—he ought to grant his husband that.

“I’m…” He breathed in, his line of sight entirely on the floor, trying to find the perfect explanation. “I don’t know. I guess I just love—”

“Killing other people?”

He looked up at Vyn. “Bloodlust—that’s it, yeah?”

Vyn scoffed. “Bloodlust. Are you kidding me?”

“I had killed someone for Giann. Accidentally,” he began, “an act of self-defense, to save myself and him. He was drugged and unconscious and we were alone, and we were kids.

“And I felt like a different person, you know? Stabbing that man to death. Torturing him until he begged that I end his suffering. Instead I got a blunt knife…” He trailed, his voice now dripping with that familiar longing, that familiar tone of satisfaction Vyn so knew about him, “started carving the family insignia deep into his skin while I listened to his pleas, his screaming, and watched the way his blood leaked from his cuts…

“It was, to say the least, a feast to my senses.” Marius chuckled, his voice dark, almost evil. As if Vyn’s kind, youthful husband had gone, had turned into someone unspeakable, someone he didn’t know. Or perhaps, a Marius he has yet to meet. “That was when I realized I let another me live within. He’s someone who loved drawing blood, someone who craved for violence. All of this, Vyn—I do it all for fun. I couldn’t get it out of my system. So, yeah.”

“You could have told me,” whispered Vyn. Marius wanted to believe he saw those golden irises soften, even only for a passing beat. “You could have trusted me.”

“I trust you, baby. But no,” he said resolutely, “I love you, so damn much, and I wanted to be perfect for you.”

Marius took a step forward. Vyn’s grasp tightened around the gun.

But Marius pressed forth. Arms falling heavy on either side he took yet another step, his mouth curving on a slight, sad smile as he walked closer, and closer, dangerously closer to the beautiful man who carried such a hideous promise.

“I want to be the perfect man…” Marius halted, just a few breaths away from the gun aimed directly at him. He crouched a little, leaned forward—

Vyn gasped. His whole body tremored, a sudden chill running all over his skin.

Marius wrapped his long fingers around the gun’s barrel, tugging it towards himself, pressing his chest against the hot muzzle. “The perfect husband for you.”

He observed as Vyn continued to nibble on his lower lip, biting it hard that it reddened with the threat of blood, and Marius’ chest tightened as he saw those golden hues now glossy with emerging tears. Vyn’s breathing had gone from composed to ragged, and soon the hand which held the gun started to shake.

“Vyn,” his husband called softly, “I love you, okay?”

He was surprised to feel hot tears filling his eyes, a stray of it rolling past his bloodied cheek. “Marius…”

“Vyn?”

“I…” he paused, grasping for words, suddenly losing all the vigor to fight. His heart shattered at this, at everything—at himself for being such a petty husband who never truly gave Marius the chance to prove himself, all because of some missed dinners. Who never gave Marius the benefit of the doubt even when Vyn saw in his eyes a flicker of hope.

He was so lost swimming in his ocean of thoughts that he never noticed Marius, who started easing away the gun ever so calmly, and Vyn—exhausted and drained out of his wits—allowed him his weapon to make its descent, down until he himself decided to drop it to the floor.

And he seemed to be in a daze indeed as Marius pressing closer to him went unnoticed, until Vyn realized, only after almost a minute, that Marius had gotten their bodies closer, almost skin to skin…

Marius knew he was quite awake now—from all his little reveries—and while he expected Vyn to land another blow or finish him once and for all, he was surprised when his husband’s gaze flitted from his lips before it settled up to his eyes, his pale, slender hands sliding to his chest as he whispered, “I love you too, Marius.”

Then Vyn was pushed onto the couch.

The doctor gasped, too surprised that it was a pitch higher than usual, and for a moment he was afraid that Marius had gotten the upper hand with his trick and now he ought to strangle him, but his gut believed otherwise, and his gut turned out to be right because Marius leaned down to kiss him—rough and wet, hungry as his tongue lapped in his mouth, a quiet sentiment of how Marius would rather kiss and touch and fuck him instead of sending blazing bullets all over their house.

“Mm—oh, Marius…” he whined as Marius pressed against him, almost straddling him, his hands relishing the softness of Vyn’s face and disregarding the feel of dried blood there, and now making their way towards the back of Vyn’s head, fingers brushing, tangling, pulling on those silver locks.

He felt his pants tighten at the sound of Vyn’s moans, and he grabbed a fistful of his hair and dragged his head back, suddenly feeling the lust of tasting Vyn’s exposed neck. Marius leaned down, his mouth pressed against his neck, trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses along soft skin, tasting blood and hot sweat. He bit lightly at the hollow of his shoulder—

“Ah!” Vyn cried in perhaps both pleasure and pain, his fingers clutching desperately on Marius’ sleeves—sleeves that were rolled all the way up near his elbows and it was so sexy Vyn almost wanted to wave the white flag, in the middle of their shoot-out, just so he could fuck him. So he could kiss him, kneel in front of him, fulfilling his husbandly duty of sucking his cock. “Marius…”

“We literally just started,” Marius said as he looked up to meet Vyn’s eyes, a smirk curling at the edge of his lips.

“Fuck you.”

“Darling, I’m about to.”

“Well why don’t you get on with it? Or would you rather waste my—oh, fuck—Marius!”

Vyn could only screw his eyes shut, and Marius could only let out a satisfied groan as he ground his hips against Vyn’s, biting his lip as he felt that hard erection, the proof of his husband’s growing need and oh, how he’d love to satisfy him. “What was that?”

“Will you ever stop talking—”

Marius shut him up with another kiss on the mouth. Vyn tasted sweet, as usual, however Marius made out the metallic flavor of blood, but it’s not like he would mind. It’s his husband’s blood, anyway, and he’d be most willing to take a sip of it, drink it, chug it until it sank down his throat the way he would his chocolate drink.

Ah, but Marius loved it more when it was Vyn who did that with his cum.

As he kissed Vyn he continued moving, grinding his hips until all he could hear were the melodies of Vyn’s whines and sighs, and gods was he so distracted Marius failed to notice Vyn already taking the matter into his own hands unbuttoning Marius’ shirt, and with fervent speed at that.

He suppressed a laugh as he bowed his head, watching in awe as Vyn fumbled with the buttons of his black shirt, breathing so hard and sensually as if he could wait no longer. In fact it felt like Vyn would be very much happy to just tear his shirt apart—not that his husband would mind, either.

“You were so determined to kill me earlier,” Marius said as Vyn unbuttoned the very last one, “but now you’re so hot and horny for me. I told you I did like your mood swings—hmph!”

He was cut off by Vyn’s mouth claiming his own—much to his delight—and soon he found himself hooking his arms under Vyn’s spine and the back of his legs, his feet then making way to their bedroom on the second floor. Vyn wrapped his arms around Marius’ neck instinctively, even pulling him closer as if he needed more, plenty more of him, and Marius loved the way his husband craved for his kisses that it must have given him some omniscient power to navigate the halls and the stairs in the dark so precisely.

In a minute a heavy thud reverberated, echoing across the massive bedroom as Marius opened the door—or rather twisted the knob then kicked the door—and went towards the bed with much haste. He’d licked, bitten, lapped at Vyn’s mouth one last time before he dropped him to the king-sized bed, covered in midnight-lacquered sheets, and proceeded to take off his shirt—

“Wait,” Vyn protested, but before his husband could respond he hooked his two fingers round the belt loop of Marius’ pants, and tugged him closer. It was so damn hot Marius’ cock twitched.

Suddenly he wanted to grab a fistful of Vyn’s hair and make him suck his dick. He’d fuck Vyn’s mouth so well with his hard cock the man would be a beautiful, crying mess the moment he swallowed his cum.

“I…” Vyn turned a little red. “I want to suck you.”

Marius swallowed as he hurried to comply, feeling a certain heat within him intensify. Vyn was already kneeling on the bed, making quick work unbuckling Marius’ belt and letting his cock spring free and fuck, Marius’ cock was heavy and warm and slick with precum, and Vyn felt his own twitch against the fabric of his pants.

He did not waste time. Vyn wrapped his long, slender fingers around his husband’s cock, feeling Marius throb against his palm, his cold fingers. He had sucked Marius dry since god knows when, but suddenly he felt like this was all new, that he was nervous and shy again, and it was as if he was taken back to their first night as two married men. That first night after Vyn said Yes, I do, I shall marry you, and Marius beamed and Vyn thought his husband could rival the sun. Funny what some husband quarrel and house violence could do to you—

“Just so you know, Vyn.” A low, impatient voice pulled him away from his thoughts. “I’m this close to shoving your face down my cock, if you don’t mind.”

Vyn bit his lip as he saw yet again that massive, hard cock staring right in front of him, waiting to be devoured. God, his husband’s cock was so beautiful, thick and velvety soft that his breath caught. And realizing once again that someone was getting impatient, Vyn leaned in and licked gently under the crown of Marius’ dick.

“Fuck.” Marius’ head dipped back, feeling his cock twitch against Vyn’s tongue. “Please—”

He rasped as Vyn complied, letting his mouth close around the head of his husband’s rock-hard cock—

“Fffuck,” Marius breathed, panting as Vyn made swirling motions with his tongue as he slid halfway down his length, “Fuck, Vyn!”

His eyes screwed shut, his hands clutching onto Vyn’s silver locks, and moaned out a broken cry as Vyn sucked his whole length, deep throating him, his wet, warm lips touching his Marius’ hot skin. “Fuck, Jesus.”

Vyn moaned around his cock, and as Marius felt it vibrate around him he dipped his head back again, seeing the goddamn stars. Vyn’s moaning didn’t stop even as he sucked his husband’s dick, Marius’ cock moving in and out of his mouth. Marius tasted so good. Every time Vyn sucked him it seemed he tasted even better and better, as if there were new flavours to his taste of clean sweat, of salty skin, and god even his precum seemed heavenly to Vyn’s tongue, melting like chocolate. His eyes fluttered shut as he sucked. God, he would suck this man’s cock forever.

Until Marius tugged Vyn’s head back, “Fuck, wait.” He panted heavily, and as he saw Vyn lick his lips—still glistening wet from his own saliva and Marius’ precum—Marius wanted to plug that pretty little mouth with his dick again. But he held himself together and said, “Wait. I’m… I was about to…”

“I’d swallow everything, Marius.”

“Fuck, stop it. Stop it or you’ll have to choke on my dick the rest of the evening.”

“What is the matter?”

Marius’ cheeks tinged a bit pink. He looked much like a teenager who wanted to try sex with his crush. “I want to… I—”

“Too good?” Vyn smirked.

“Fuck you.” A smile tugged at the edge of his lips. Marius caressed Vyn’s hair, as softly as he could. “I want to come inside you.”

Vyn swallowed, his mind once again drawn to their little memories of fucking every night until both their legs had given in, and Marius thought the same. God, he  couldn’t stop staring at his husband. Vyn looked ethereal bathed in the bedroom’s soft orange glow…

However this time it was Marius who was stripped—so quickly—from his reveries as he was pulled, thrown to the bed, with Vyn taking off his shirt, leaving his necktie around. His shirt was hauled off to the floor in a second, and now Vyn looked like some fallen angel as he straddled Marius, untying the silken tie with deft fingers, his wet lips parted in awe…

“What are you gonna do with that, huh?” Marius’ hand slipped round his husband’s waist. We’ve been married for years but goddammit, your waist is so fucking small.

“You’re gonna use that on me?” he added, whispering against the shell of Vyn’s ear, making his husband shudder. God, he loved it when Vyn did that. Loved it when his ministrations, even the smallest ones, had a great effect on him. “And look at you, don’t you think you’re a bit overdressed for the occasion?”

“I—ah—”

His cock twitched again that it almost hurt, as if begging to be hilted inside Vyn’s ass. Vyn had the sexy habit of whining and making those kinds of sounds whenever he’s surprised or caught unawares, like that very moment when Marius stripped him off his vest with one go, the buttons clinking on the floor in unison. Marius didn’t waste a second and gripped the sleeves of his doctor’s coat, tugging it off him.

Until Vyn caught his wrists and said, “Let me.”

The muse started taking off his vest—slowly, tantalizingly. He knew all too well this act was a feast for his husband’s eyes, for his cock. The slutty bottom that he was, Vyn removed his clothing alongside his heavy, sexy breathing, his mouth slightly ajar, with some stray, silver strands falling over his eyes.

The vest went abandoned. Thrown to the floor just like all else. The shirt followed, Vyn making sure the sounds he made were heard, acknowledged—oh acknowledged indeed, what with his husband’s erection poking against his leg—and he couldn’t help but suppress a smile knowing Marius was having a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

When everything was unbuttoned, Vyn let the right sleeve slide down his arm, revealing some skin on his chest, his collarbone, his shoulder. Marius had seen it all, but still he thought he looked so ethereal, and so hot all the same that he was torn between treating him right—sweetly, gently—and fucking him so rough and so hard he won’t be able to walk the next day.

By instinct, Marius looked away. He bit his lip as he did, setting his sights away as he was suddenly so overwhelmed, so doubtful—do I even deserve this, he asked himself, realizing that it had been his fault why the shoot-out occurred in the first place: he missed a lot of dinners with Vyn. He was always out for his business of killing other people. He hurt him in all ways possible, especially tonight.

But then, “Marius.”

His gaze returned to Vyn. “Darling?”

“Do not look away.” Vyn’s hands, soft and cold, reached to caress his face. “Just look at me,” he said, his voice like that of an angel’s, “this is all yours—all of me. I am yours.”

Marius made sure that shirt was off his husband immediately.

He’d kissed him again, a mix of love and dominance, of lust and longing. Arms tight around Vyn’s waist he pulled his muse close to him, skin to skin, but he wanted them to be closer. He wanted to be inside him—to own him, body and soul.

He loved Vyn. Marius wouldn’t know who he is without him.

“I love you,” he grunted as Vyn ground against his erection, “I love you.” His hands wandered up his spine and down his ass, squeezing it, eliciting a moan from Vyn. “I love you.”

But it wasn’t long until Marius took his black, silken tie, staring intently, lustfully at Vyn before he hoisted it in between them, “May I?”

Vyn raised his wrists in answer. “And my tie?”

“For your eyes,” Marius said, his eyes darkening. “I was thinking your mouth, but I love hearing your noises.

“I love hearing your moans. Your whines. I love it when you scream my name.”

Marius licked his lips, and his chest swelled with triumph as he saw Vyn shiver again, turned on by a few words. Vyn gasped in surprise as Marius finished tying his wrists, pulling on the knot a bit harshly than he’d intended.

“Now,” Marius said as he worked on Vyn’s red tie, “you love the dark, don’t you darling?”

A whine escaped his lips as he was pushed to the bed. He couldn’t even recall how Marius looped and that red, silken tie around his eyes. All he knew now was he’s on the bed, on his back, his hands tied in front of him. “Ah, Marius…”

“What was that?”

Vyn could only nibble on his lower lip. “Please… oh!”

He moaned as he felt his husband’s mouth, warm and wet, close around his nipple. His toes curled at the sensation, especially at how Marius knew just how to kiss, lick, and suck his nipple and make him cry and moan so loud. His body moved frantically, the pleasure almost maddening now that his vision was obscured, and not knowing what Marius was gonna do next was killing him.

However soon he felt large hands grip his thighs, hoisting them, and Vyn most willingly submitted by wrapping his legs around Marius’ hips. He was now on top of him, could feel his hot, ragged breaths against his skin.

“You’re so hot,” Marius whispered as he kissed Vyn’s beauty mark, that one on his collarbone, “I just love fucking you so much,” he said, before unbuttoning Vyn’s pants and sliding his hand down under, wrapping his fingers around Vyn’s length.

“Oh! Marius, ah—”

“Yes, just like that…”

“Please!”

“You like that? Damn, you’re actually making this harder for me… let me just…”

Marius stopped, his hurrying hands fumbling on Vyn’s pants, in much haste to get inside him. Oh how badly he wanted to fuck his husband when he all but looked like a willing captive, writhing underneath him—he let his fingers travel down under, lingering on Vyn’s back, then trailing further south, massaging his arse, lifting Vyn a little in the process.

Marius did not waste any more time and took the head of his own cock, moving his hard-on closer until it rubbed softly, carefully over Vyn’s hole. He rasped as he did a little push inside. “Shit.”

“M-Marius…”

Marius took that as his signal to push further, letting out a small grunt as he moved another inch, then another, and he took satisfaction witnessing Vyn’s mouth parting as he whined, silver brows furrowed in pleasure. “Ohh, Marius—”

Marius gripped on his husband’s waist and hilted his entire cock inside him.

Vyn whined again, so loud Marius wondered if his voice reached the outside, even with their windows closed. Vyn cried as Marius moved inside him, his thick, warm cock fitting perfectly in his ass, hilting deeper and deeper with each thrust that Vyn couldn’t stop muttering curses and Marius, Marius didn’t have any words for it—just sounds, low and needy. Just grunts, and moans, and whines and cries.

Marius thrust again. Harder, deeper—

“Ohh, just like that!”

“Yeah?”

“Mm—ohh, f-faster please—!”

Marius nodded frantically, and he thought how much Vyn had an effect on him that, despite Vyn being the one tied up and writhing underneath him, Marius was actually the one in his mercy.

Good. Deservedly so. Vyn Richter was his Saving Grace and he’d worship the man forever.

“Ah—fuck! Marius…!” moaned the older man, biting his lip as he welcomed the familiar pain—and pleasure—down his nether part. It was only then Marius realized he had been too excited to claim Vyn that the thought of using a lubricant or even covering his dick with saliva never crossed his mind.

“Fuck, Vyn. Does it hurt?” he asked, but never stopped moving, pulling and pushing back in.

“N-no! It feels good. You feel good…” he moaned as he shook his head, “I’d rather you—ah!—fucked me hard.”

And it was enough to make Marius pin his husband’s hands atop his head, cursing as he thrust in, and out, so hard and so deep tears started rolling down Vyn’s pale cheeks. “Faster?”

“Y-yes!”

Marius gripped hard around Vyn’s wrists, railing the man as hard as he could, making Vyn cry with each powerful thrust. The sounds of wet, forceful squelching echoed across the room and, partnered with Vyn Richter’s needy moans, Marius thought damn, I should’ve brought a recorder.

Well, it’s not like he couldn’t do that soon. Pretty sure Vyn would be most willing to film all their blasphemous activities together. “I’m close.”

“M-me too…��� Vyn bit his lip, his back arching in ecstasy brought about by their bodies, skin to skin. Marius pounded faster. It felt like fire, really, and he felt his stomach surging and ebbing and surging again and again with pleasure. They moved in sync now, Vyn’s hips thrusting to match his husband’s pace, and he knew he was close when he felt that electric sensation zipping through his veins, his loins, his cock. “M-Marius…!”

His balls drew up tight as Marius slammed into him, again and again. Vyn could only let out a broken cry as he sensed Marius’ hand grasping his cock, jerking it as fast and as hard, perfectly matched with the way Marius pumped his dick inside him in a relentless rhythm.

Vyn came. Loud, majestic, his hot cum spurting on Marius’ stomach and making a beautiful mess there, much like the way he was one. His head was fucking spinning and he thanked Marius for it. And he kept on crying out even as Marius came, his fresh seed filling Vyn up like he was always meant to.

He kept on going. Grinding in him so deep, so sensual, thrusting again and again and letting his very hard cock feel inside Vyn, helping both of them through the very last of their orgasms. Again, then again. One last time, until Vyn croaked weakly, and Marius grunted as he fell on the empty space on the bed, beside his husband.

Despite the exhaustion, he shifted to his side. Took the blindfold off his husband. Vyn’s eyes fluttered open immediately, albeit blearily, the fringe of his long, silver lashes casting shadows on his cheeks. He gave Marius a weak smile. “That was…”

Marius let out a soft laugh, feeling the last bits of his energy dripping away. “I want to fuck you again.” He relaxed, but felt himself stiffen at the sight of his husband: ethereal. Beautiful with his cheeks flushed and mouth parted, his neck and chest gleaming in sweat. Vyn Richter, once again, in the afterglow of mindblowing sex.

“I love you,” he whispered, though he was not sure if Vyn heard. His eyes were already closed, and he looked like he was fast asleep. Marius smiled and snuggled close to him, with Vyn’s soft breathing lulling him to slumber.

==

Sometime around his dream, if he ever truly dreamed, he heard a silken voice say, “I love you, too.” Felt a gentle kiss on his forehead once, twice. Then another, “I will love you forever.”

When he awoke in the middle of the night, the quiet surrounding them, he saw Vyn was sound asleep. He rested his head against the hollow of Vyn’s neck, inhaling his sweet scent, and wrapped his arms around him. “Vyn,” he whispered, “I’ll love you forever, too,” before he kissed him on the cheek.

Somehow, Marius knew he hadn’t dreamt it.

==

Vyn awoke three hours earlier than usual, his eyes bleary, almost blind as he stared at the digital clock which blinked 5:58 AM. He wouldn’t be up this early, but his phone rang so alarmingly in the distance—atop that couch beside their bed where Marius fucked him the whole night—and with a ringtone he wouldn’t dare not pick up, lest he received yet another lecture. An hour or two of it, even if that lecture came from his, well… not his superior, because he was the superior.

He sighed—it was his junior calling. “Good morning, my rose.”

“DON’T ‘MY ROSE’ ME, RICHTER-VON HAGEN!” came his beloved junior’s rather sweet response, and Vyn instinctively pulled his phone away from his ear, unless he wanted his hearing damaged forever. “WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU?”

“Language, beloved.”

“VYN!” Ah, there it was. He knew she was suppressing those sobs. It was conspicuous she had been pulling back tears the moment Vyn answered the call, the moment she’d heard his voice and confirmed he was alive, although not much well. “I was so, so worried about you… I thought… I thought you were—” she paused to take a light sniff, “dead. The squad is on their way. What happened?”

“I… I cannot tell you right now. I am sorry, dear,” he said, his gaze drifting to his husband who was still snoring in his sleep, and gods did Vyn thought Marius looked ethereal even during his most vulnerable moments. He fucked me so well last night…

“And please, Rosa,” he said, “tell the squad to halt their mission. I am all right—harmed, but I am faring well. And so is my husband.”

“Oh, my god. Mr. von Hagen was a witness?”

“Sort of. I shall tell you all about it when we meet.”

“Which is when, exactly?”

“Tomorrow,” he replied, his fingers running across the bare skin of his chest, wincing at the hurt from where Marius bit him. “You are in charge for now. Make certain the HQ is still up and about,” he said, “you are my second-in-command, so do what you must in my stead. Meet me tomorrow, same place.”

“Oh, uh—tomorrow, you said?”

“Yes. Is something the matter, dear?”

“Er, well…” she trailed, and Vyn’s brow arched in curiosity. He tried to rewind their past conversations, see if she’d mentioned anything she ought to accomplish tomorrow. There was nothing in particular, and Vyn was about to tell her twice until she cleared her throat and answered, “I actually… have a date tomorrow, Vyn.”

Ah. Understandable.

However, “I have taught you of the risks which comes along with our line of work. I hope you do keep your emotions out of your job—”

“What a hypocrite,” Marius muttered beside him. Was this idiot fake-sleeping the whole time?

“Never you mind. I am not against your relationships. I will meet you in two days, then,” Vyn continued—not without glaring at his husband first and foremost in the morning—and added, “but of course, what is this lucky lad’s name? Age, hair colour—”

“Luke Pearce, thirty years old. Coral eyes, chestnut blonde, and very cute.”

“Make certain you put up his records in the office. That aside—please enjoy your date, Rosa.”

Vyn pressed on the end button. He was thinking whether to check up on his husband or do a background check on Luke Pearce first, but he heard another phone call—this time from Marius’ phone—and even though he never truly meant to listen… well, however could he not?

“Hey, Luke?”

Vyn’s ears perked at the sound of his name. Luke.

“Yeah, sure. Wait, you can’t tomorrow?” Marius asked through the phone, his voice getting inaudible as he yawned, “oh, man. Congrats on bagging your first date—oh, wait a minute. Is this girl Rosa you’re going out with?”

“Who is that?” Vyn mouthed to him with those piercing golden eyes. My junior, his husband mouthed back, shrugging his shoulders. It’s not like I can hide it anymore from you.

Well, Luke was not his junior since Luke was older by a few years, but Marius had been an assassin earlier than him. And, well… he was Luke’s boss.

Vyn didn’t need to do a background check. He’d have to pester Marius for it. Just great, what are the odds that their juniors were going on a date?

The first thing Marius did when he ended the phone call was tackle Vyn into a hug, which the older man reciprocated much lovingly (despite his grumpy morning face). He was still scowling, but it was a contrast to the warmth which he gave Marius in return, and the eagerness emanating from him as he pressed closer against Marius’ exposed chest. It wasn’t very soon that Vyn had started nuzzling his face against his husband’s cheeks, like a cat trying to be sweet.

“Vyn.”

“I thought you addressed me as darling or love or baby, but I suppose we—”

“Really, Vyn? This early in the morning?” Marius laughed as he cuddled him more. “You know, I was just gonna ask you something…”

“You want to fuck me again?”

And there it was, that familiar pout and puppy eyes, all too powerful even for Vyn that he knew immediately he wouldn’t be able to deny him. Well, it’s not like he’d decline some more good fucking. “Don’t you want me to?” Marius said, his pout much guilt-enducing now.

But not until Vyn pushed the sheets down until it reached his thighs, revealing his now bulging erection, his sudden craving for Marius. “Whatever are you waiting for?”

“Fuck. You sure know how to—”

Another phone call.

Vyn sighed and took the phone. His eyes widened, only for a fraction of a second, upon seeing the caller ID.

“Please tell me you’ll ignore that.”

“Unfortunately for us—” he slid a finger down the green button, “we cannot decline this one.

“Good morning, Captain Morgan.”

“This is Artem,” came that deep, familiar baritone, and Vyn felt himself shiver from the way Artem sounded in the mornings. The senior lawyer had always been a morning person, but there were times too wherein he was too lazy to get up for work—can you actually believe that?—so Vyn had to do all sorts of things to get him moving. His voice during those moments hadn’t changed at all: deep and husky, almost seductive.

“Artem,” he repeated, and the name seemed to capture Marius’ attention, too. “Good morning. Why are you calling this early in the morning? And why are you using Captain Morgan’s phone?”

There was a sigh at the other end of the line. “Darius forgot to bring his phone,” he answered. “I called to let you know he’s coming, along with his squad. Too many noise complaints last night. They’re going to investigate.”

“Just so you know, Wing—my house is an estate. I am quite certain no one was bound to hear us…” Oh, shit. Marius threw a grenade in my garden.

He shot Marius a glare before he returned, “Tell Captain Morgan to go home.”

“I kept telling him that,” he replied, quite vexed now. “It was supposed to be our day off, Vyn. Our only day off, and you just had to ruin it.”

“It is not my fault you cannot persuade your boyfriend to stay in bed with you.”

“Are we—”

“Hello there, Artem.” Marius had snagged the phone away from Vyn, having felt that impending argument that would probably last hours—he wouldn’t admit that he was only jealous because Artem was Vyn’s only ex-boyfriend, almost husband—and had taken matters into his own hands. “We’ll meet Captain Morgan when he gets here, all right? I’ll tell him to go home, so let’s have peace, yeah? Bye!”

“I could have handled that, Marius,” Vyn spat, but not before Marius hopped out of bed and went to browse through his cabinet. He got himself a clean set of sleepwear in pastel green, Vyn’s most adored colour, and threw the shirt in Vyn’s direction. “Give me the pants as well.”

“No,” said Marius, already in the process of wearing it, “you take the shirt, I take the pants. It’s too long for you, anyway.”

Vyn crossed his legs, folded his arms. “What are you planning?”

“We’re gonna give ‘em a show.”

==

When Vyn opened the front door to their house, he was met with the rather hot welcome of flashing lights, towering video cameras, fully-dressed reporters and papparazzis in all black. He could make out the faint sirens coming from the police cars parked outside the estate, and he only hoped no one was able to round the bend leading to his recently-bombed garden.

“Vyn Richter, is it true there was a shoot-out here last night?”

“Vyn, did you have a quarrel with Mr. von Hagen?”

“Vyn, the people are curious—is divorce on the table yet?”

“Are you and Mr. von Hagen are going to be available in the marriage market again?”

“Vyn, rumors say that you and Mr. von Hagen are involved in matters of Mafia and secret services. Is that true?”

“Vyn, are you pregnant?”

His eyed widened. “I beg your pardon?”

“VYN!”

If he really ought to be true to his role of being a… babygirl who would pretend to be lightheaded or unwell after coming across crazy reporters with no sense of privacy, he would’ve done it after a few more moments or so. However Vyn truly was made unwell by said blinding lights and mad interviewers, and by instinct he pressed a palm against his temple and leaned against the doorframe, suddenly dizzy at the commotion. “Please…”

“Give him space, everyone. Move, move!”

Oh, dear. Thank goodness for Captain Morgan, he thought as Darius practically shoved the reporters out of the way as he reached for Vyn. A strong hand gripped him by the arm, enough to steady his slowly unstable body. “You okay, Richter?”

“von Hagen,” he corrected. “And not quite, Captain.”

“You can hold onto me,” he said, then faced the crowd of reporters again, “stop it with the cameras. If I see another shot I’ll have you all arrested—”

“You better listen to him.” Marius stepped beside Vyn, and in a heartbeat slipped his arm around his huband’s slender waist. Vyn felt his cheeks grow warm at the feeling of Marius’ hand holding him around the waist, in front of all these people—not to mention he was only wearing a green button top and Marius only in his pajamas. Thank god the cameras had stopped—courtesy by Darius who threatened an arrest—because those dark red hickeys and bite marks were clearer than the clearest of blue skies.

This man, Vyn thought as he leaned against Marius’ chest, he really likes to show off, doesn’t he?

He tried to hide a chuckle. It was true Marius loved to show off, but he loved it most when Marius showed him off for everyone to see, for everyone to know who owned him. At this moment, the message was pretty clear. Even the most senseless person would make sense what Marius wanted to say—that Vyn was his, and Marius was Vyn’s. It was written all over the young von Hagen: from the smirk on his lips, the red marks on his exposed chest. The top which covered Vyn’s probably hickey-filled body.

And so Vyn acted the part, pretending to be nauseous as he rested his head against his husband’s shoulder this time, and hooking his arm around Marius’. “I am not feeling very well…”

Marius squeezed his waist gently. “I’ll get you inside,” he said, and Vyn nodded faintly. Marius then turned to Captain Morgan, who was staring at them rather incredulously. It was conspicuous he never wanted to be here, to witness all this—he’d rather spend the day fucking Artem. “Sorry, Cap. I’ll give you a call and help you fix our mess. For now…” he paused and gestured to an exhausted Vyn, “my husband needs rest. You’ll handle this for now, yeah?”

Darius sighed, massaging his temples. “Yes. I’ll also let Artem know.”

“You better go home to him. He was pretty pissed with us this morning.”

“And whose fault is that, Mr. von Hagen?”

“Ehh ~” Marius pouted, but before he could say another word Darius asked, “What am I going to report? There were a lot of noise complaints. Some said it sounded like a grenade.”

“The answer is right in front of you.” Marius winked. “You see, this is what happens when you’re away for work too long. You tend to really, really miss your husband…”

Darius wanted to roll his eyes—no, he wanted to punch Marius. Does this brat really expect me to write ‘very loud, earth-shattering sex’ as the reason for those noise complaints?

Whatever could he do, though? He couldn’t possibly deny the Marius von Hagen of all people. Besides, he was not anointed as the newest NXX member for him to report Marius and Vyn just like that. Fine—he was going to write that unreasonable reason.

Marius seemed to know Darius was not going to deny him, and so the captain was met with the von Hagen’s signature, youthful grin that seemed to say: Hehe, you can’t deny me, can you?

Darius eyed Vyn one more time. He didn’t seem as sick as he appeared, but Darius knew he was indeed exhausted. However he wondered, as he waved the couple goodbye and ordered the reporters and paparazzis to keep out lest they get arrested, how can Richter—er, von Hagen—be this radiant after that violent shoot-out?

The moment Marius closed the door, Vyn muttered:

“Tell Vincent to arrange you an appointment with me,” he said, almost half-moaned, “based on my findings last evening, you need psychiatric help.”

… This hypocrite!

[shoko-komi]

The Komi Report - Communication 448

This week in Komi Can't Communicate...

...class 3-1 is preparing for the culture festival!

Read It: Mangareader Mangakakalot Viz Media (North America Exclusive) Mangadex (English updates are dead, but there’s the backlog; and Spanish + Portuguese language updates)

We begin with a new character. Shota Kori appeared once before (very briefly) in Communication 429 - Year Three Sports Carnival...

...where he appears to be examining Komi's pom pom. A detail which is now surprisingly relevant.

Good planning, Oda.

I enjoyed his segment. There's not much to say about him yet, but I see potential here. I think "perfectionist" would have been a more fitting word to describe him than "obsessive".

What I really like about Kori is his older sister.

Queen. She alone would make his inclusion worthwhile.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Interesting... a ramen stand feels anticlimactic to me. I'm not sure how many funny and interesting scenarios can arise from it; how will Oda find an excuse to put Tadano in a dress? But there's so many characters at this point that the project itself need not be too interesting. The festival can simply be a vehicle for character interactions.

Upcoming Perro Rabioso performance confirmed??? 👀👀

I really love this sequence of all classmates interacting with each other. Even characters I dismissed at first become more endearing when presented as part of the group (I'm not referring to Omakawa, of course. Omakawa has always been a legend).

This guy, for example. I still don't think much of him, but he fits into the ensemble.

This guy, though...... you be careful with statements like that, boy. There will be none of that while I'm around.

This got me excited. Komis interaction with Shiina is very cute, and I ofc was hyped for SukiYama (EmoKida?).

So good to see them as a team...... not a fan of those faces. This is very much personal opinion and I can't claim it's a big deal, but I find these kind of expressions unsightly. Maybe because it's so far from how they normally look; these aren't Emoyama and Sukida faces, if you know what I mean. Oda has developed a habit of these kinds of expressions - Isagi always makes an ugly face when the subject of NarAse comes up, for example.

Nevertheless, I love SukiYama.

Tadano and his boys are cute. Komis just jealous.

Wait a minute......

(Communication 432 - Year Three Sports Carnival, Part 4)

Komata and the mysterious powder is an identical joke to what Saotome got. These characters were already extremely similar, now they're completely confused.

Skipping over the Komi foot noodles... asdlkansdlkansdlas

(❁´◡`❁)

uwa, tension arises. What conflict has Koris perfectionism caused with Ogiya?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts: the ensemble chapters are always a good time. The looming conflict with Kori might be more interesting if we'd been properly introduced to him sooner, but I'm keen to see where it's going

I say this basically every time,,, but it's so good to see how Komi has grown. During the prep for the first festival, she was struggling to contribute. Now she's leading her class and making a vital contribution ^w^

Also I happened to notice that Kishi appeared in the title art but not in the actual chapter. Where is my Kishi?

Stay safe! I'll see you next week!

[cynthiaandsamus]

So just got home and watched the Direct:

Was never the hugest fan of the Mario & Luigi games but they do always look fun so excited for that.

Never played the original DKCR so may look into that one at some point idk my backlog's already so bad XD

Same with the Dragon Quest games, it's neat that they're on the Switch now and they look nice but I was really hoping for Chrono Trigger

I'm kind of baffled that there's a Funko Pop video game and I have no idea how Funko and Fortnite can get liscences for everything to put them in their low-effort stuff and crossover games that actually want to put effort into their portrayal always seem to have to jump through enormous hurdles.

I'm actually really excited for the Four Swords/Zero Mission release, believe it or not my actual experience playing Metroid Games is kind of limited and I've never finished Zero Mission so I may legitimately play that sometime soon. Never played Turok or Perfect Dark either so might check those out, feels odd to have a "17+" category for something you get for free anyway but if it means we get a wider variety then sure, just wondering what makes those two 17+ but Goldeneye's fine.

New Super Mario Party sure is a Super Mario Party.

Echoes of Wisdom looks kinda fun, like I love the idea of making Zelda a protagonist and using her wisdom stat to make it a puzzle game but I am kind of wary of the "magical item makes it so they don't have to directly fight and can basically be magical girls and zap everything away" being the only way girls are able to get protagonist roles but whatever it takes I guess.

My mom's been really into the Lego games lately but she has no idea what Horizon Zero Dawn is so I may or may not recommend it to her.

I am REALLY hyped for Stray, I've wanted it on the switch for so long now why can't it be sooner like the game's been out so long why is it still six months away I wanna play the kitty game now.

Both my mom and Little Sister have been playing life/farm sims so the Hobbit Stardew Valley Thing(tm) may be another recommendation for them.

The creators of Danganronpa create Danganronpa again for like the fifth time, this time with Tower Defense I guess? Nintendo really wants their own Danganronpa series but isn't willing to lean into the raunchier stuff that made horny teens love Danganronpa in the first place.

FINALLY news on Metroid Prime 4, it's not much but I love how they give a date at the very end just to keep people from going "oh, no new details?" the landscape looks beautiful and I'm excited to have Samus around again, hoping for those Metroid 2/3 remakes sometime this year so people who haven't played games that released literally twenty years ago can fill in the blanks.

[asexualcorvidae]

There's something to be said about the public performance of discussing concepts like "how one's year went" and "plans for the next year" publically, but there's something nice about sharing these thoughts with the world - even if they are mostly melancholy this year.

This year has been... mixed, to say the least. On a personal level, I don't have much to comment on. I had a paid month off of work in May, which I spent traveling to a few places to see people I haven't seen in a long time (as well as visit family). This time off was really nice. Really, really nice. I wish this wasn't a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. I found such regularity in being around other people.

Beyond the personal, work has been much improved. A very long & tedious project finally finished. (Mostly. It has been over half a year and I am still helping to clean things up. I don't mind it, though; it can be interesting work at times, and when it isn't, it helps to pass the time.) Now that this monster of a project is done, work has mostly been steady & consistent - which is a boon considering Everything Else Going On.

Oh, the medical stuff. It started slowly this year, with a diagnostic colonoscopy + endoscopy revealing nothing regarding my energy levels, and has since spiraled into 5 months of endless appointments and tedious "following-up-on-people-who-should-have-done-things-independently". My PCP sucks (2 months to go until I get a new one) and treated me like shit. I got off of continuous iron supplementation, finally, after over 5 years. I tapered down my SSRIs. (I could not come off them completely, because apparently Lexapro enhances the affects of Adderall, and changing my Adderall dose during the ongoing DEA-manufactured "shortage" is, in my opinion, a non-starter.) I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea & have been working to adjust to sleeping with a CPAP machine, which is still an ongoing process. I finally got into physical therapy, struggled immensely with it, and was then referred to aquatic physical therapy, which has gone really well - perhaps the only medical thing that really has gone well this year. I'm still seeing eating disorder specialists, even if I haven't made much headway there. (There's too much going on.) I still have many problems, and many which I believe to still be undiagnosed & untreated. I'm better than I was 2 years ago, but I don't think I'm better than I was last year.

I do think I've improved with keeping up with chores. I've hammered down quite a few to keep up with on a weekly basis. (Laundry, dishwasher, trash, recycling, mail, and groceries.) It is... mixed at times, but I do what I am able to. I overhauled a lot of what was in my bathroom this year too. I replaced my shower curtains. I finally had maintenance replace my shower head, after owning the thing for over 2 years. I got new bath mats. I cleaned out much of the old medicines & supplies. (The supplies are still waiting to be donated. That's for another day.)

That's about all I have for a reflection on the previous year. I don't fully remember what my resolve was for this year - if I had to hazard a guess, I wanted to keep a focus on medical things (which I definitely did, for better or for worse) and maintain some structure with chores (which is much improved over the past year - I am, at the very least, basically never backlogged on anything I consider to be in a maintenance state).

As for next year... the medical focus is self-explanatory (and necessary). I actually might even join a gym??? (It's really terrible that there's no way to access a warm water pool without paying for it in some capacity. Medical care is gate kept by money! Unsurprising.) I'll keep tweaking my CPAP settings in pursuit of better sleep. I would, eventually, like to get off of Lexapro entirely. A new PCP will hopefully mean a new set of eyes on all of my symptoms. And, energy permitting, I'd like to get back into cooking - which I think will help my eating disorder a bit. (I'm not sure if I will be able to do it without the support of a meal kit service. I'd like to be able to do that, but I'm really not sure where I stand there.)

Beyond the medical, I want work to remain mostly stable. I'll keep advocating to be paid more, but I'm not expecting much. At this point, the health insurance is so worthwhile that I'm not particularly interested in moving jobs (or moving period). And in my personal life, I want to keep working to make my apartment somewhere I am happy to be in - somewhere I am proud to have decorated and am proud to maintain.

That's about it. I hope 2024 is a better year. (At the very least, I hope it is okay.)

[zee-reviews]

Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64)

First time?: Yes.

CBFD has been on my backlog for like ten years and a couple days ago I was like "fuck it. Why not now?"

I knew certain things about the game already, like the blood, poop, and swearing. I also knew how the game ended, though that honestly just made me more interested to play it to see how that came about.

First impressions, I'll be honest, weren't good. The controls took a while to get used to. They weren't as tight as something like Super Mario 64, nor do you have quite as many ways to manipulate your momentum as something like Banjo-Kazooie. It feels weighty and slippery, and fall damage seems to happen at much shorter heights than you'd think. It doesn't help that your main attack, the frying pan, is fairly slow with less range than it looks.

Fortunately, the game isn't really about the platforming so much. There's platforming segments, but really the game feels more like a linear puzzle-adventure that happens to use platforming mechanics simply as your means of navigating around the world. Instead of the progression being locked behind collectibles like some other platformers of the time, I would say Conker is a more story-driven platformer. Events that happen in the game's plot are the main thing that drive progression.

The game's tone and humor are the main selling points of the game, and as the M-rating suggests, there's a lot of toilet humor, black comedy, and swearing. Often, there'd be a joke that felt too mean-spirited to laugh at, or something particularly cruel that you had to do to progress. Also, the gross-out humor got to be a little much (there are TWO whole levels made of poop). At the same time, the dialogue is almost entirely improv, and there were a few moments that I thought were actually funny.

The visuals and soundtrack are both gorgeous. Given that this was one of the latest N64 games, Rare had gotten quite good at making levels look detailed and aesthetically pleasing. And the soundtrack by Robin Beanland is fantastic; the overworld theme is infectious and I was actually taken aback by how beautiful the Uga Buga theme was and how hard Rock Solid goes.

Final thoughts before going into spoilers: I think the game really won me over by the end and I think the last three or four chapters are were the game is at its strongest. It's definitely an interesting game, and I think even if the subject matter doesn't interest you, it's worth experiencing at least once. Fortunately, the game is so story-driven that you could get 90% of the experience from a cutscene compilation on YouTube (95% if you watch a Let's Play).

Spoilers below the cut.

The last three levels are what sold me on the game, and where I feel like the game used its Mature rating to something actually mature.

The Count Batula level is dripping with spooky atmosphere, the zombies are actually genuinely scary to fight (well, at first. Once you get to the point where you don't actually have to kill them and you realize you can always outrun them…).

The War level is also genuinely unsettling, in a very different way. The whole thing is an homage to Saving Private Ryan, but played mostly straight, showing the horrors of war in the context of cute fuzzy animals. The difficulty of this chapter, frustrating as it can be, just helps sell the idea of fighting for your life behind enemy lines. I finished this chapter right before bed and it actually made me uneasy trying to fall asleep. It's going to stick with me, I think.

Side note; I love Rodent so much. He's adorable and I was so happy when he survived.

And also, gotta talk about the downer ending. For all the asinine things that happen in this game, having Conker lose the one person he cares about most, have the opportunity to bring her back, and getting so caught up in a power trip that he forgets to do so and now has to live with his regret for the rest of his life despite getting everything he's ever wanted. I love a good phyrric victory ending and somehow this goofy game about an alcoholic squirrel sells it for me.

To recap: I went into the game not even sure if I wanted to finish it but came out of the experience really liking it. I'm glad I finally decided to play it. I don't know if I'll play it again.

[ombrellica]

Greetings! Since I've last updated this space I have returned to my hometown. The boiling point was that the house I was living in had signs of being cased. Most people who I shared some of the incidents with thought that this wasn't normal. Including the landlord's mum. Unfortunately the landlord themselves didn't think it was a big deal. They cried and whinged about how it's money out of their pockets (to upgrade security) and that it will be a 'some day' task.

There was a very unnerving incident in mid March last year which made me think I could be getting into danger if stayed any longer. So by the end of April I was gone. It seems like fate in way. Towards June my dad became more ill than usual and was in and out of the hospital for the rest of the year. My brother is my dad's primary carer and it became a too big of job to do alone. So I've been helping out my family. I won't lie, I had been feeling down for the rest of 2024.

Instead of working on my art career I spent the rest of the year distracting myself with video games. I began working on my backlog of games. Thankfully I am at a better place with everything now. In future I see myself only buying games when I actually want to play it. It's more expensive (and stressful) for me to buy a bunch of games on sale and have them waste around compared to buying one thing full price and really savouring it.

Now that it's 2025 and I am back on track emotionally I want to do an updated room tour! This is the current environment that I am creating art in:

My Xie Lian wall scroll makes a return near my door nearby I have my bookshelf and a drawer.

I haven't thought about what to put in this drawer yet. But since we are on the topic. This could be a great space to store vitamins yeah? Next I'd like to share is how I am storing things:

I am using the space under the bed to store things I don't really need on a daily basis. I bought console boxes to store the old consoles. It took many months of shopping around to find the right boxes in decent condition with my preferred budget. I am proud that I accomplished this.

I bought some drawer dividers and instantly the space was so much organised! I keep my art tablet pen in there whenever I am not using it.

Finally the square shelves made it with me to my hometown. It's actually sitting on top of a desk. I covered it with a cloth. Under the cloth I have a plastic container storing random things. There's also a basket for dirty clothes. In the cubes itself I have more random things. I don't know if you recall the larger shelves I had in my last house but that is now helping my family store things in the store room. Also on top are my rocks/crystals:

My favourite is the one that looks the Van Gogh's Starry Night. I also have a lot of love for the crystal rabbit. The acorn is the newest addition which I bought in my last house. Finally we have my desk:

This is my cozy area! I have a pretty desk mat and a Venti mouse pad. A small Venti figure that my friend gave me keeps me company while I draw. I decided to use a calendar this year! I guess I got the fomo when people I was talking to were telling me about their new calendars. Calendar Club had them on half price after the new year. Probably trying to finish of their stock. I also store my tour box away when I am not using it:

I also decided to display one of my dolls. It's a different doll from the other two in the last house. I still have them. I actually have a total of five dolls and I rotate between storage and display. Yeah that's probably too many dolls. ha ha. It kind of just happened over the last twelve years. That's like a doll every 2.5 years no? Anyways here is Hong Lee:

And that about wraps out my room tour! I hope you have a beautiful February and I'll be out here hyper focusing on art. I shall have more to share with you and send the post off I wanted to share this old picture of a galah and pink cockatoo perched next to each other. What great friends 🌷

[benis-chillin]

Gaming Backlog 2024 lookback

Hey Eggheads and Crackheads!

Another sucky year has passed us, boys and goyles. I kinda whined about 2023 in last year's post, and honestly? I probably shouldn't have. Not for any, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it was" reasons, but just because complaining about your own sucky year to other people who have just had sucky years doesn't really entertain anyone, which is one of the reasons these posts exist.

I suppose one reason it leaked into last year's list was because that sucky year hindered my experience playing games, and in that regard, this year was WAY better. Maybe I'm just doing a bit better with my time, idk, cause it's not like everything else was THAT much better(but that's all I'll say, I promise).

So, for this year, and probably all years going forward, I'm gonna change up the formatting from last time. Since I made individual posts for all of the games, I will more be looking back on them informally, and comparing how I NOW think of them, vs how I thought of them when I first made that review. The only exception will be the last entry, which I will look back on the next year, just to have the distance.

However, we won't be doing that this year since…I haven't completed any new list games since Halo in early November. I've mainly been replaying some older games to wrap up the year, tbh. Bit of a mental break.

Though it'll definitely be easier to get more games in, due to my mom, her boyfriend, and my brother collaborating to get me a Steam Deck for Christmas! I've been breaking it in with Spider-Man, so expect that in next year's recap.

(Steam Deck will also be replacing the "PC" platform after this year, btw)

So anyway, to start us off properly, the non-list entries!

Sonic Superstars

Platform: Switch

I actually made an individual post on this since I'm a Mania hater, and many of my thoughts there were later expanded on in my opinion piece on the Fang the Hunter mini that got released later.

My feelings on Sonic Superstars are still the same. Close to what I want these Neo-Classic Sonic games to be, but also far from it in some instances. Just a mixed bag overall, and I still haven't gone back and beaten Trip's final boss.

6/10

Mega Man 4 and 5

Platform: Switch

I think I'm just at a point where I gotta accept that old school Mega Man is just really boring to me. I couldn't even finish 5 before I had to start writing up this post, it's just so boring.

Though Dr. Cossack DOES look a fair bit like my brother who got me the Steam Deck. That's interesting.

So yeah, Mega Man 2 is still the best one.

3/10

Resident Evil: Deadly Silence

Platform: DS

I actually tried to start this one up back in April 2022, but I was using an emulator to mitigate tank controls, making it hard to aim upwards, and maybe a few too many item cheats, resulting in me giving up not even halfway through.

This time, however, I played on an actual DS Lite(for the better D-Pad), figured out tank controls(simpler than you may think)and reduced my cheats to just invincibility, infinite ammo, and one-hit kills to be fancy.

And yeah, I had a blast going through this in small sections, especially as a game to play while I sat waiting for my mom to use the tanning bed before I donated plasma(tanning bed is on the way to plasma, so saved some gas to do that part first).

Just a fun little B-movie you can play on the go, and that's all you need.

Kinda weird how close the name is to a fart joke, though.

7/10

Sonic Colors Ultimate

Platform: Switch

I mean…It's Sonic Colors?

I am one of many people who complain about the current state of the Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 ports, so I understand being dissatisfied with the state of this "remaster," ESPECIALLY on Switch.

Heck, a mod came out back in September to start ACTUALLY remastering the game on PC, so I'll link up to that here. Might try it out on my Deck whenever I get around to buying a Steam copy on sale.

However, to ME, Sonic Colors is mainly just a casual romp, so it being screwed up a bit didn't really bother me. Sure, it only being 30 FPS on Switch is a bit stinky, but my attempts to emulate the original on Dolphin at 60 have only ever resulted in this, so it doesn't bother me too much here.

I did finally get all of the red rings in this version, though. It being handheld and easy to pick up made that easier. I actually got all of the DS ones back when I played that version, so it felt right. My physical copy was also a European version, so it has that extra U, which is neat to have.

But yeah. It's Sonic Colors.

6/10

Super Metroid Redux

Platform: 3DS(through SNES9X)

I started Metroid with Zero Mission and Samus Returns as my 1 and 2. So, when I then played Super, I had to adjust to a LOT of very dated and clunky controls, both in terms of button layout, and the actual physics of the game itself.

I didn't HATE it, but I didn't connect with it like I did the other games.

But then, as I was looking into widescreen patches I had heard about for an eventual let's play I want to record, I encountered Super Metroid Redux, and while the widescreen didn't pan out, I KNEW I had to play with all of the physics adjustments I was feeling while testing.

And man, did this truly "unlock" Super Metroid for me! Now that it controlled mostly like the other games, I was finally able to just ENJOY my return to Zebes, and explore without feeling so damn restrained!

It's still not perfect, mind you, Crocomire is still a bitch to deal with(especially since I missed the charge beam for a majority of the game), I got lost a few times again, and that fucking wall jump is damn near impossible(but completely optional unless you're going for 100%), but I'd say my opinion on Super Metroid has gone up thanks to this mod, and this will definitely be how I play it going forward.

8/10

Sonic Generations(2011 PC version)

So, imma be real with you. I do not like Sonic Generations that much.

The level design doesn't invite player initiative to forge your own path, but rather railroads you to a few pre-determined paths that you can't stray too far from, even with cheats on, the control layout is questionable and cluttered, the story is a massive missed opportunity, and it's overall a time capsule of when the Sonic Boomers, people who claim to love Sonic, yet have no idea what ACTUALLY makes him appealing, ruled Sega's marketing decisions.

Given how much Sonic Team seemed to fight against the expectations of this game(and Colors to an extent)in the following two entries, part of me thinks this entire game was a corporate mandate that Sega higher-ups held over the team's heads until Frontiers came out, and what do you know? The parts SONIC TEAM wanted to do were well liked, and the bits inspired by Generations were derided.

So did I enjoy my latest romp with it, now that Sonic Team is living their One Way Dream?

A bit, but only because of elements I added. Namely, the double jump mod, a code to have Classic's homing attack by default, fart boost reverb mod, the Retranslated Japanese script, replacing Seaside Hill with a proper recreation of the Heroes stage, and changing my right trigger to be a double of the boost/spindash button through Steam(which the remaster has as a native option, yet doesn't bring over stick click Light Dash, so you're still stuck not using any of your specials).

This game actively fights being played like a regular 3D Sonic game at every turn, but these changes helped me play it "properly," even if it still gave me a struggle.

THAT was what made a middling experience more enjoyable to me for this run, not that the game became actually good.

4/10

But then…

Shadow Generations(2024 PC version)

So I didn't think I would get to play this until WAY later, but a friend of mine who shares his Steam library with me bought it, so thanks to him for the opportunity.

Remember me saying the original Generations was a corporate mandate, and that Sonic Team seemed to fight it for the next few entries? Well, I think they viewed THIS as their means to make the Generations THEY would've preferred back in 2011. A redemption arc for a game they might have grown a distain for, but that they might want to reclaim now that it's not being held over their heads like in years past.

And I LOVE THEM FOR IT.

The level design is the greatest "fuck you" to the railroads from before. It's not TOTALLY free, no Boost game is, but this is as close as the Boost games have gotten to the levels from Adventure 1 and 2. Hell, for the most part, THEY DON'T HAVE BALLOONS! They only appear in the Chaos Island level for two seconds. Instead, they let you do the homing attack on capsules again, and THEY'RE RING CAPSULES! This is just so much more natural, you do NOT understand how much I wanted this!

These levels inspire me to look for that extra path, to forge my own, think outside of the box, and see how much faster I can be the next time! And hey, unlike base Gens, you CAN actually miss that S-rank, so you have ACTUAL motivation to do better!

Admitably, Shadow's 3D White Space isn't as interesting to explore as the islands in Frontiers. Rings to boost already doesn't work as well as the "stamina" thing, imo, and I DID need to use a code to restore the drop dash and bounce for better flow through levels, but the downgrades are so minor compared to how "there" we are that I can forgive them.

However, I probably could've lived without the Doom powers?

Doom Spear is cool, being able to stun enemies, but you could've just…You know…Not made the enemies have to be stunned? It works for the White Space, but just slows the more frenetic pace in levels. Doom Kick offers new shortcut opportunities with minimal slowdown, so let's maybe keep THAT one, but the last 3?

Doom Surf, Doom Morph, and Doom Wing all share the same problems: Extremely situational, and hard to control. Doom Morph in particular has a problem where the camera points AWAY from the next swing point while swinging, so chaining those together in the short window you have is a problem. Doom Wing LOOKS baller as fuck, but only REALLY works in the final battle. It's sort of this game's Super transformation, needing 50 rings to activate, and actually blocking shots taken at you, but the lack of easy ascension and decension controls make its usability limited, and fixing the camera behind Shadow, centering him onscreen like the gliding sections in 06, would've gone a long way.

As for the story, it knows what it is, and takes full advantage of it. I think Ian Flynn knew that having Maria back with Shadow, and the return of Black Doom, was full-on fanfiction tier shit, so he just went all-in on the premise. I've had problems with Ian's Shadow writing before, particularly in Archie's "Shadowfall" arc, but he's clearly gotten over his hurdles. This is the closest to JP Shadow's characterization that ANY English script or dub has gotten, and there is a big fat smile on my face from having any of my doubts proven wrong.

Even as Shadow's story moves forward, it will always tie back to his past. It forged him, he honors it, even if he doesn't dwell on it. But for him to have just a moment in time where he slips, where he has Maria again, Gerald isn't yet the evil person he became, where he can change it even at the cost of who he is now…

To want to do it all again is human. To move on and become better, even as your sorrows try to consume you…That's being the Ultimate Lifeform.

PERSONAL SECTION:

FEEL FREE TO SKIP

So…As I write this, I am having problems with my father. To not go too far into detail, he CAN be the most kind, gentle, generous man that you could ever find. I've seen it, I cherish every memory of it.

But he has an anger, this darkness inside of him that makes him the most petty, greedy, conniving piece of utter dogshit you ever did see. I have that anger too. I fight it everyday. But currently, HE isn't.

For me, this is one of many ways that I relate to Shadow, and to Samus Aran via Metroid Dread. In a metaphorical way, Black Doom is my father's darkness, which wants me to be angry and miserable like him, while Gerald is the light in him, the light which loses to the darkness. Better, nowhere near perfect, but you still want him back.

So as I played, I couldn't help but imagine myself in Shadow's situation. Coming face to face with my dad, somehow transported across time from that brief moment where the light had overcome the darkness…But knowing that the father I love and cherish to this day will eventually lose. How much I'd want to change his fate…

But all I can do is move on. Be better, even as he wonders why I'm not on his side…

And MAN it feels good to beat up that motherfucker in a video game!

PERSONAL SECTION OVER

So yeah, Shadow Generations, easily an…

8/10

And now we get to the actual list! Got a decent amount marked off, though didn't finish as many as I wanted to. I suppose that's the risk you run with experimenting after a lifetime of missing out on a lot of the classics. But hey, maybe I can come back to some of the unfinished ones. I mean, I ditched Resident Evil the first time around, but managed to get through it this year! But for the moment, let's see how my list fares now, vs when I reviewed it.

Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episodes 2 & Metal

Platform: PC

December 9th, 2023-January 7th, 2024

Ranking: 7/10

Honestly, I feel about the same as I did in my review. It's kinda interesting, really, how my feelings on it mirror my thoughts on Superstars. How they're massive steps in the right direction for THIS form of Sonic, but the missteps are massive, and kinda hinder the possibility of another entry.

I feel like a remaster for the Switch and other platforms with a few tweaks(and an art style overhaul for Episode 1)could REALLY help these games get a better reputation, but I doubt we'll ever see that.

Bionicle: the Game

Platform: GameCube(through Wii)

January 12th, 2024-February 28th, 2024(incomplete)

Ranking: 3/10

Fuck, man! I'm STILL upset about this!

I knew it was gonna be bad! I've played plenty of bad games in my life, and even enjoyed them! But this was MISERABLE!

This is BIONICLE! MY thing! I wanted to have this experience, but it was just too much! Tahu's lava surfing level still hurts so much, I'm not entirely over it.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Platform: PC

February 14th, 2024-March 4th, 2024

Ranking: 8/10

This is a good game…But I barely remember anything about it.

As I said in the review, the story gets the job done, for sure, and the premise is baller, but even if I REALLY concentrate, I don't really remember too much of it.

I suppose it makes sense for things to be a bit basic, given the history of superhero games up to that point, but the main thing I can think of is that rant about the Batclaw.

Maybe the sequel will be better, but I'm in no rush to play it, so I'll wait a year.

Metroid Dread

Platform: Switch

March 9th, 2024-April 4th, 2024

Ranking: 10/10

Was it good for you, too?

My thoughts haven't changed on this game being a masterpiece. Hell, I'd say it's hitting harder now that the ride's over!

With how I'm replaying Metroids lately, I am starting to lean towards this one being my favorite, but I won't say for sure if it's there until I replay it in the new year.

Anyway, if you don't have one, GET ONE!

Fallout New Vegas

Platform: PC

April 27th, 2024-June 23rd, 2024(didn't finish, but I count as a personal completion)

Ranking: 6/10

I'll admit fully to softening on this one, since I DID genuinely enjoy forging my own story…Even if that aspect is what ultimately led to me not finishing it.

I actually like playing DnD and stuff with my Discord buddies, and this game kinda gives me that feeling in a single player sense, so maybe I'll start a new playthrough with a more game-compliant character now that I know some of the various quests and paths a bit better.

We'll see.

Metroid Prime Hunters

Platform: DS

June 19th, 2024-August 10th, 2024(didn't finish)

Ranking: 3/10

Like Bionicle, I am still bummed about this one. So much potential in the premise, just utterly squandered!

I love the DS! I love Metroid! And I, again, love that premise! But this is just NOT a good use of ANY of those elements, man!

Maybe someday, it'll click with me…But not today.

Resident Evil 2

Platform: Gamecube(through Wii)

September 8th, 2024-October 6th, 2024

Ranking: 8/10

Good game, brother, that's a good-ass game.

I've actually done a replay of it since my review, this time with ClaireA/LeonB, and honestly, the story is WAY better in this form. I do think Ada's LeonA death is more impactful, but most of the personal stakes for Sherry come together much more solidly in this version, and Leon's "rookie cop thrown into hell" vibes also land harder when he's not basically stepping into Sherry's story. This is probably how I'm gonna play RE2 going forward, tbh. Even the FMV ending works a bit better this way.

However, I DID notice more of the flaws with how the backgrounds were converted for the Gamecube release this time. Blacks have a sort of reddish tone, to the point that I was able to see Sherry's drop shadow in what was supposed to be a pitch black hallway.

So, guess my ranking stands. Might even do another replay before I dive into RE3.

Halo: Combat Evolved

Platform: PC

October 15th, 2024-November 4th, 2024

Ranking: 5/10

Yeah, I still feel the same about this one. Absolutely no inclination to replay it.

Though I have heard since my review that you CAN find powerups in the later levels. Idk how I missed that, exploring nearly every corner looking to shoot shit, but I'll take the word of others wiser than me and say I was a whiny bitch on that part. Still gonna wait till next year to do Halo 2. That should especially be interesting now that I have the Steam Deck's trackpads and gyros.

And now, for next year's goal list. Remember, I only need to finish 5 of these games, if any don't work out.

Resident Evil 3-Gamecube

I liked 1 and 2 so much that I GOTTA play this one, come on. It may even be the first list game I play this year.

Sonic Unleashed-PS3

Can you believe I've never gone through the HD version of Sonic Unleashed before? It's like, the one MAJOR gap in my 3D Sonic resume.

Well, this is the year I commit! Here we…GO!

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time-3DS

I haven't completed a Zelda yet, so let's see if I can change that.

Ducktales-Steam Deck

Got it for my friend's library before we formed a Steam family, so this will be a lighter game to fall back on.

A Superman Game

There's a Superman movie coming out, so I want to play a Superman game!

I was originally gonna do Shadows of Apocalypse on Gamecube(and I may still), but we'll see if I can emulate 2003's "The Man of Steel," or the console version of Returns on my Deck.

I think Returns on DS may still be better, though.

Lego Marvel Superheroes-Switch

Never played this one, but got it for cheap. Again, lighter fare.

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes-Gamecube OR Steam Deck

I may still boot this up on my Gamecube, but now that I have a Deck and the ability to run Primehack…Idk…

Hollow Knight-Switch OR Steam Deck

Back in rotation after being dropped last year. One way or the other, I will beat it!

And our carry-overs(which lack images because I hit the limit)are:

Toy Story 3-PS2

Spider-man 2-PS1

Devil May Cry-Steam Deck

See y'all throughout the year!

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm #57

2024-07-15, session #57 of Garbage Farm! Spanning Summer 11 through Summer 19 of Year 5!

cast:

me ( @mothmute )

E.B. ( @blueherin )

Kimi ( @2kimi2furious )

Highlights include, but are not limited to the following:

Summer 11:

Let's try this again— Luau!

Kimi threatens to put Lewis' purple shorts in the soup; maybe next year.

chanting in unison: soup! soup! soup!

The Governor says something about having looked forward to this all year, at which point I realize that this soup is the highlight of this man's year; no, his whole life. Everything he ever accomplished has been overshadowed by our soup; his wife, his career, everything led him to this moment.

He's gonna be crushed when Kimi puts the lucky shorts in the soup

I'm skipping keg day, but there's enough time to get the next preserves going.

"jamalamadingdong"

Summer 12:

I finally remember to go visit the bookseller again and buy out most of his stock. One new book, the rest go in the pile in case somebody is missing them.

Keg day!

Possum is so flat sometimes

The Raccoon has a wife!

"Another player is talking to the raccoon right now" — gotta take turns; next, he wants dried peaches and coconut jelly. Weird choices, but we can do that.

Having discovered that we're out of oak resin (somehow???), I go plant a bunch of oaks near the railroad.

Summer 13:

It may be Alex's birthday, but it is not good weather for football. As my garbage-in-law, I give him an egg.

Blueberries are up! god, Farming mastery is so useful.

"hey E.B., can you make some crab pots?" "sure, how many?" "measure with your heart :)"

(I want more Lobster, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with Elliott loving them)

There's supposedly a Pike frenzy in cindersap woods— E.B. and I go to find it, but don't find anything.

found a garbage carp near the saloon, which I sold. I'm second-guessing this, maybe I should've put it in a fish tank?

Summer 14:

huh, strange weather report...

It's jam day again! Maybe someday we'll actually clear the blueberry backlog (hahahahaha)

Kimi hand-feeds the dried peaches to the Raccoon

oh hey it's cool pig day, and they have ... Juice. Not any specific kind of juice, just, juice. I'll take it.

I'd hoped to go to the mines, but they were set on baby mode for Kimi and E.B. to finish their Combat levels.

Summer 15:

First green rain day on Garbage Farm!

My whole day is spent running around trying to collect moss.

In my lust for mossy seeds, I clear-cut the oaks I'd planted by the railroad tracks. No luck.

~250 moss, 7 mossy seeds. Not bad!

E.B. got 69 moss. Nice.

Summer 16:

Elliott has a feeling it's going to be a fantastic day, but Welwick says otherwise (neutral)

Evelyn sent me cookies :)

Jade's ready, fresh from the oven

E.B. gave the coconut jelly to the raccoons, and they gave her a copy of Raccoon Journal. We think it's like the Wall Street Journal, just, for raccoons?

Went and re-endangered the mines!

E.B. gets to pick the next quest from Mr. Qi, as long as it's not the goddamn beans again ... Extended Family, or Skull Cavern Invasion? My offer to share the staircase cache tips the scales for Skull Cavern Invasion.

Re-planted the grove of oaks up by the railroad tracks, started the foundations of the Mystic Tree grove

Collected some odds and ends for my garbage grocery list!

Summer 17:

Jam day, again.

E.B. decides to take the stairs to the Skull Cavern. I decide to go, too.

"oh god it's hard" (that'swhatshesaid)

Working together actually works okay, with E.B. planting the stairs and me fending off the serpents. I take a few detours to hunt Pepper Rexes when I get the chance.

We did it!!!

... at approximately 1:50AM. I exit the skull cavern and die immediately.

Meanwhile, E.B. hadn't been to floor 100 of the Skull Cavern yet, so she gets subjected to the iridium snake milk. She dies immediately afterwards.

truly, we are braver than any US marines.

Summer 18:

Linus found us?? what was he doing out there???

A bunch of the day gets spend smelting ores and deconstructing staircases for stone to finish Robin's Resource Rush

The raccoons are gonna start a family!! they're so cute!!!

Kimi has a bone to pick with me: the island farm isn't nearly as chaotic as she'd been led to believe, she was expecting something truly cursed and all she got was something kinda messy.

(it's keg day!)

Summer 19?:

Non-canon day, what do we want to do?

explode the ducks!

oh no, the bombs broke the fences!

the ducks are breaching containment! red alert!!

... wait, we can sell them! Finally, our vengeance is at hand!

-

TO-DO:

We have enough Qi gems to get a few things, so E.B. and Kimi are each gonna pick one (Kimi can pick the next quest if she wants, too)

I need to get enough mahogany seeds to plant all the mystic trees that I want......

Still waiting on that oak resin for making more kegs, still need more gold and iridium for crystalariums.

I think I need to re-do the grocery list project, but I'm gonna drag my feet with that one.

I've still got one mastery to go!