#this is a very distressing day and it started at 3am and has only gone downhill since

[six-demon-bag]

i dnt know what to do with myself when iim not writing?? what am i suppose to do?? i was trying to let ideas rotate and develop for a bit but....what do i do with myself. what else is there???i. dont know ☹️

[neverendingstories00]

Past The Point Of No Return (Ch.9/FINALE)

Pairing: Safin x F!Reader

Summary: You attempt to adjust back to your mundane lifestyle, but Safin still haunts you. Safin makes sure to let the world know that you are his and only his.

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: N/A

A/N: GUYS!! It's the final chappie...😖 Dw, there's an epilogue that is going to come very shortly. I know this has been short, but it's been a really fun ride. I promise to write more fics in the future. I might take a small break since school and that I've been writing non-stop for the past week and posting the chappies at like 3am. Anwyays, I stayed up until 2am to finish this for you guys. Your support and comments literally make my day so thank you once again! Hope you guys enjoy this ❣️❣️

MASTERLIST

Three months on that dreaded island, and the world hadn’t changed. M16 was still running, the protests still occurred, and you (surprisingly) were still alive. You returned to your old apartment and saw the desk where you had meet Safin, imaging the knife that was uncomfortable close to your neck. The way he had sniffed your hair and his nickname, clever girl, rolled off of his tongue. In your apartment, you always thought Safin was going to be waiting for you at every corner.

All of your family and friends were overjoyed seeing your alive. Your poor mother and sister sobbed as they held you close and gave a thousand thanks to M16. In those months you were gone, everybody was sure that you had died or were killed in a horrible manner. Your mother didn’t even want to know what you had gone through. Her arms were wrapped tightly around your body as her tears stained your shoulder,

“Just stay with me. Please.” Her broken voiced cracked. “I can’t lose you again, y/n.”

That had marked the first time you ever cried in front of your coworkers. You knew it was unprofessional, but after months of captivity, you were even more damaged then you were before. Being inside of your own body and clothes made you painfully uncomfortable. You constantly took showers and changed your clothes because everything reminded you of Safin. No longer could you wear in a braid since you lay on Safin’s chest and he’d unravel the braid, running his fingers as you two walked. All of the dresses in your closet you threw out, just looking at them made you think of the night after that dinner where Safin requested a kiss.

Even if it wasn’t there, he haunted you every second.

Safin had been locked away in M16’s underground emergency headquarters. Nomi reported that he was under constant surveillance. He was polite to most of the guards, requesting a copy of a Brave New World. It was absolutely bizarre, but they gave it to him. They tried to force information of out him, but he wouldn’t budge. No reason why he kidnapped you, wanted control over post-soviet countries, or any of the sadistic actions he had done. Upon seeing Bond, M, or any agent, he would ridicule and tear them down. It turned out the woman he had previously loved was Madeleine. He had attempted to create a clone with his and Madeliene’s blood but failed. Nobody had a single idea of what he was capable of. Not even you knew what Safin held. But all M16 knew was that he was a classified global threat that was taken down by his own prisoner. His downfall had begun after his capture. The protests had been contained by goverments and other international spy agencies. M had promised that he would never ever step within a mile of your location.

It all seemed too normal to be true.

The month following your return, you decided to get back into the line of action two weeks after your arrival. Your mother had voted against it, but you needed it more than anything. Anything to get Safin out your mind. Your first day in office was full of questions from all of your co-workers.

“What did he do to you?”

“What was Safin’s lair like?”

‘What was under the mask?”

You could never respond with the truth. The nights were he had fucked you with his tongue down your throat; your neck decorated in red marks. How he had married the two of you and took you on expensive shopping trips. The only people who knew of the truth were Nomi, Bond, and M. That was all. It all seemed like a drug trip gone wrong. After your first week back, the questions had gone down. Moneypenny would come to your desk with a report, a smile on her clear skin. “Welcome back, C”. It made you smile, taking the report and typing away. Being back to your mundane life was going to get taking use to it. No longer would you have nights of true pleasure in your life ever again. But it was for the better. You were utterly damaged beyond belief, but hid in deep in your body. Your broken, crippled soul.

Q had been one of your closest acquaintances in M16. Upon first meeting him, a rivalry was sparked between you two. Q had been deemed the smartest person in M16. With you, a stubborn and young recruit, he shook in his shoes. You thought he hated you at first, but he stated that he considered you a “boon companion”. The man spoke with such large words. You told him to simply call you a “friend”, and that is where your friendship that slowly began to grow.  

You knew you weren’t suppose to tell him, but you did. Every single bit of it. He would come over to your apartment every night with Chinese Food, listening with his Miso Soup as you explained your experience on the island. Q wasn’t one for gossip and you trusted him with all of the information you had told him. Not only was he a colleague, but a confidant.

The ring was minimanlistic gold band with thin, dainty diamonds. It was easy to miss. Q looked at your hand, examining the ring.

“You’re married to him?”

You nodded in response. “I am. He had a whole ceremony, and a priest held at gunpoint. I’ve taken the ring off…”

“Regardless, your still...married to him.” Q had seen some bizarre events over the years, but this was truly baffling. One of his friends was forcefully married to the world’s most feared anarchist.

“Do you think I wanted to be? I can’t forget about him. He’s still there..”

“In solitary confinement. He’s being guarded twenty-four seven. Safin isn’t going to be leaving anytime soon.” Q attempted to console. He was horrible with emotions. “I checked every database I could and tried to find any ties connected to him, but nothing came up. If they do, I’ll make sure to alert you of them.”

Holding the ring in your fingers, you spun it around. A sigh escaped your mouth. “Q, I...can’t. He..we..”

“He took advantage of you. All of the threats he had made were meant to scare you. I know you tried to fight back. Everything you had gone through...I apologize.” Q said, a hint of guilt in his voice. “Day and night, I tracked for your location. We thought Spectre had taken you. Safin had made sure there was no trace of you. Months prior, he had been planning this. He was obsessed with you. Only If I had kn-”

“I’m here now. I’m not leaving.” You confirmed, trying to sound confident. Safin couldn’t hurt you anymore. He was locked away, never to be shown to the world again. “Thanks to your and your little trick, I got out.”

“A prisoner bringing down her captor. That is quite impressive, C.”

“And I’ll do it again.” You promised. Q nodded in response, a sly smile on your face. He grabbed his Sake and the two of your cheered, drinking your sorrows away. Q wasn’t one for words. Whenever he grabbed his Sake, it was a silent reminder that your secrets were safe with him. Always.

-----

It all started with your period. Even before meeting Safin, your period was becoming spottier and came at late dates. You shrugged it out and thought nothing of it. But after your arrival home, not only did your mental health decline but so did your pyshical wellbeing. It all started with your frequent mood swings at work and home, causing sleepless nights. Your doctor prescribed you with bipolar medication, but it never worked. All it did was make you more paranoid and sensitive.

Your period came late. It was spotty and faint, and had disappeared two days later. Your heart beat was increasing, you breasts became larger as they ached, and you felt nauseous without getting sick. Those had been the major symptoms.

It wasn’t until you had fainted infront during a presentation that Q had decided it was best for you to go to a doctor. He had noticed the bags under your eyes, fatigue, and slight change in weight.

Inside of the doctor’s office, you looked down, rapidly tapping your foot. What the hell was happening to you? Were you truly going insane. Everything hurt so much.

Q placed his hand on your thigh, making the shaking stop. Looking over at him, your face was full of worry.

“He’ll put you on stronger medication, C. Your going to be fine.”

As you wanted to respond, the doctor opened the door and shut it behind him, looking at the papers as he tilted his glasses down.

Sitting up, you look at him, eager for an answear.  Your expectations were low for anything major. “What is the issue, docter?”

Sorting out his papers, he answered, “From your test, it appears that your...pregnant.”

The shaking stopped. Your breathing become lower as everything became blurry and muffled. Everything was numb. This was the last thing that you needed. It had to be a false test. There was no way you could be holding his child. It wasn’t possible.

“No...No…” You managed to mutter. Q looked over at you, pity in his eyes. “Please, I can’t do this,”

The doctor looked down at you, understanding your distress. He knew about who the father could potentially be.

“I’m sorry, I am..” He gulped as he shook his head. It didn’t seem like what he was going to tell you was good news.

“Your five months pregnant, y/n. It’s too late for an abortion.”

Everything dropped around you. Looking at your stomach, you felt disguetd with yourself. Inside your stomach, you were carrying his child. Safin’s offspring. Inside of your stomach was a growing monster.

The doctor interrupted, trying to make the best out of a positive situation. He said that you could give the child up to adoption and that he knew plenty of parents that wanted a child. All you did was want to leave the godawful place. A few short minutes later you had left with Q. Q barely spoke a word, seeing the disallief on your face.

Getting into Q’s Landrover, you close the door, looking straight foward.

“Q?” You muttered, turning to him.

He looked back at you, awaiting for your response.”Yes?”

“Is the office still open?”

Q furrowed an eyebrow, perplexed. “Why do you want to go at such a late hour?”

You looked at your stomach before looking back at Q.

“I have unfinished business I need to attend to.”

-----

Q had begged for you to reconsider, but you ignored him. You were furious, hurt, and upset. Not only at yourself, but Safin. He would always whisper in your ear that you were “past the point of no return”. After months of speculation, you finally knew why. Even if he was imprisoned, Safin had to mark you to let the world know that you were his and only his. It was all some sick and twisted plan.

Walking down into the emergency room, you entered the room and saw him, locked away in a glass cell. Safin looked the same, except he wore an nude jumpsuit. It had been two months since you had last saw him. His last, cold whisper with heartbroken eyes as he was dragged away. A subtle smile appeared on his face as he put his book down.

“My dear y/n, you’ve finally come to visit.” He greeted. “I was beginning to miss you.”

“YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE!” You screeched like a banshee. Attempting to bang on the glass cell doors, the guards help you back. “HOW DARE YOU!”

Safin raised one of his eyebrows, confused. He scalded y/n’s body, seeing the tired face and somewhat noticeable bump. She still looked like her beautiful self. But there was something rather off about her appearance. When on his island, y/n looked happier. Like she had been sleeping more, letting down his guard. But when she returned home, all of the happiness had evaporated from her body. Safin could’t hate the woman that betrayed him. After all, y/n was his wife.

“What you mean?” He queried. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Did’t you say you needed me?”

“Do you want this?” Safin panted, looking down at you. Seeing him on top of him, he’s truly a stunning man. His velvety voice was making you wet. Instead of sounding pissed off, he sounded calm and even caring.

“Shut up, please.” Your hand traveled to his cheek, gently patting it. “I-”

Two of his fingers enter your clitoris, causing you to bite your lip. It was a painful reaction at first, but then became pleasurable. You could no longer hide your pleasure and let out a small moan. “N-need it.”

“I never asked to be pregnant! Especially with this!”

Safin simply shook his head, perplexed to why you had been acting so angry about your pregnancy. You were going to become his wife, it was bound to happen. “I thought you would have learned sooner. I don’t see why you are so distressed, my love.”

“Don’t fucking my love me, Safin.” You snapped back as tears began to prick at your eyes. “You used all these threats against my work and family for me to obey your little commands. Face it, you took advantage of me.”

“Took advantage of? What are you speaking of, y/n?” Safin stood up from sitting and walked close to the glass to get a better look at you. “When I first saw you, I knew you were going to mine. My wife, my companion, my light, forever. That child inside of you is our creation. Can you imagine what he or she will do?”

“Your carrying one of the elites. I know this transformation is painful, but they will be beautiful and smart like there mother. They will carry on for me and you, build a new world. Just like we will do.” Safin calmly stated in his silkly accented voice. He seemed so confident and calm in his wording as if the situation had been totally normal. “If you try to give him up, I swear on my life that I will find the child and you again. SPECTRE will want that child more than anything else.”

“This child or SPECTRE will never know of your existence.” You maintained, trying not to go emotional. Safin could never his child for thousnads of reasons. The last thing you wanted was to have another Safin running around the world. “It will grow up fatherless. It cannot be exposed to such a monstrous man.”

The calm composure of Safin quickly changed. His expression became more scrunched as his hands clenched into fists. “He is my child too, y/n. We bleed the same blood. I demand to see him. It is only fair.”

Stepping back, you shaked your head. As long as you were alive, that child was going to be far away from Safin. “It’s only fair to the child that they grow up normal.”

“Normal?” Safin quietly muttered, before booming. “HE IS OUR CHILD, WOMAN? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN ME? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MY WORK? THAT CHILD IS NOT A FOLLOWER, HE IS A LEADER! WHAT DO YOU NOT SEE?”

You jumped back, startled by this yelling. The guards had turned to him, pointing there guns. The last thing they needed was a riled Safin.

“I see everything. You are going to be locked in here, forever. Charged for your crimes agaisnt humanity, and Myself?” You explained as you looked at your stomach before meeting the eyes of your husband. “Will raise the child as my own. Be a mother and raise them to be the opposite of there father. We may be married, but I am not connected to you. I’m breaking all ties with you. You hurt me, manipulated me, used me. That’s not what love is. I have never, and will never love you, Safin. Goodbye.”

Safin looked heartbroken and betrayed, unable to respond to such a thing. For the first time in forever, he looked defeated. The anarchist was so happy to have you as his wife and an offspring to call his own, but his dreams had been crushed. His own wife didn’t love him and his child would never know who he is. Safin would never see the only person he truly loved ever again.

Spinning on your heel, you walked out of the room with Q behind you. Tears fell from your eyes as you stopped at and looked at the empty office with a hand on your face. Safin’s child was growing inside of you. You were far past the point of return now as you carried one of the most dangerous men in the world’s child. But it wasn’t just Safin’s child, it was your as well. You were going to be this child’s mother now, whether you liked it or not. If SPECTRE or anybody had found them, they would be killed on spot. You refused to let an innocent child go through such pain. Just because it had Safin’s blood didn’t mean it was a monster. Evil was not born, but made. It was your duty as a former solider and new mother to serve your country and family.

Your child may bleed Safin’s blood, but it will never become anything similar to his father under your eyes.

-----

THREE YEARS LATER

Louis was the best thing that had happened to you. When you first saw him, held him, you knew you loved him. The child would always cry and fuss in everybody else’s arms but yours. After your difficult birth, the nurses tried to comfort Louis but he simply wouldn’t stop crying. When the nurses had given him to you he had stopped crying and slept in your arms. Holding Louis, all of the pain and anxiety in the world had gone away. He was the light in your darkness.

Everybody who had met the child loved him. Your closest acquaintances at M16 such as Moneypenny and Q knew about Louis. Moneypenny always offered to babysit while Q would bring his cats to be Louis’s first friends. Bond and Nomi had given him the nickname “big man” and Madeleine, to your surprise, thought Louis was a sweetheart.

You’re first week as a mother wasn’t the most ideal. It was full of crying, confusion, and uncomfort. Whenever you looked at Louis, he reminded you of Safin. Everything about him made Safin upon your eyes. But you kept telling yourself that they were two separate people. Safin was locked away, never to see your child or you ever again. You were safe.

Three years had gone by fast. You were no longer a girl, but a woman. You still continued your job at M16 as usual; encrypting, decrytping, helping the double oh agents with there missions. Nothing had changed, except you were a mother.

Your work shifts had gotten shorter due to your commitment. Instead of working to four am, you were strictly prohibited (Moneypenny’s words) to only work to Nine. It didn’t seem ideal at first. But as the days had gone on, your highlight would come home to Louis, running to your legs and hugging them. It brought a true smile to your face. It was the first one you had felt that was genuine in years.

Unlocking the door and opening it, Louis had ran up to your legs, jumping up and down that you were home.

“Mama! Home!” He smiled. You picked him up as he kissed your face, and you responded back with kisses as well. Louis had a minor speech delay and could only piece together certain words. Everybody had found it adorable.

[Y/s/n] came up to you, crossing her arms. “Let mama walk in the door and breathe for five seconds, Lou.”

“It’s fine, [y/s/n]. He’s just excited.” You reassured. Placing Louis down, you rub his head as he runs back to building his lego. Needing a drink, [y/s/n] leads you to the kitchen to make you one drink to ease your nerves.”

“How was work?” She asked, grabbing the glasses as she worked her magic.

You shrugged in response, “Same old shit. Glad to be home though, I got two days off.”

“Really? I thought you never got work off.”

“Thought so too. My supervisor gave me the weekend off. He wanted me to relax.” You explained. [Y/s/n] handed you a drink and you too toasted before gulping them down.

“You can get a break from him, if you want.” You offered. It was your only time to spend with Louis alone. Your sister smiled at the idea.

She had a growing family and life of her own as well. “Really?”

“Yeah, I need some time with him. I just want him to know what I love him..”

“Y/n..” Your sister patted your shoulder. “He knows that. Remember when he was a baby and James tried to hold him, but he got kicked in the face? When’s he around you, he’s calm. He loves you more than anything in the world.”

“Your not even a mother, yet you’re so motherly.” You smirked.

She chuckled back in response. “He’s one of the [y/l/n]’s. It’s my duty to be his aunt.”

Louis ran into the kitchen, bored with his project. All he wanted to do was be with his mama. Running up your legs, Louis grabbed the pant and tugged on them. “Mama?”

“Yes, Lou?” You looked down, moving his unruly dark curls out of his beautiful bronze face. He had Safin’s beautiful bluish-green eyes that always shined. Although nothing like his father, Louis was the copy and paste of Safin.

“Storytime..please?” Louis begged with his puppy eyes.

“Of course..” You smiled. Louis ran off to his bedroom to wait patiently for his story.

Your sister looked and smiled at you. “He’s amazing..”

“I know. Everybody knows..”

-----

Louis hadn’t even gotten through the first few pages without falling asleep on your shoulder. As you read through Beauty And The Beast, his little snores stopped your sighing. Looking down at him, Louis was truly a beautiful little boy. He had dark curly brown hair, bronzed olive skin, big bluish-green eyes, and chubby cheeks. You had gotten used to the fact that Louis was identical to Safin. He shared his blood, but Louis and Safin were two different people. Safin was a broken and misunderstood Anarchist while Louis was a sweet, little boy.

As hard as it was to believe, Safin was once a young childhood who didn’t know anybody better. His innocence had been stripped away from him at a young age, scarring him permanently with internal and external wounds.

You should hate him for he had done to you. What he had done to the world and the pain. But yet, a small part of you missed him.

You missed the way Safin gave you what no other man could give you. How he treated you not only with true obsessive love but spoiled you with endless gifts and kisses. How his fingers would play with your hair, his sweet nicknames, how he promised to kill and die for you. Safin worshipped you like a god. When he had kidnapped you, at first you hated him more than anything in the world. But as time had gone on and he became more vulnerable, you began to fall for him. You were a scared beauty who fell for the broken beast.

What if M16 had never come for you? Safin would have been your husband, whether you liked it not. Louis would have to grow up with Safin’s influences, trapped in a Submarine Pen. You didn’t want to imagine what Safin wanted with your child. What he would use it for in his sick game of Anarchy and Discord. Just the thought of Safin made you happy, sad, and confused. You pulled Louis close and stroked his curls, wanting to protect him. Maybe you should have slept with him to make sure he was safe.

Safin was locked away. He wouldn’t hurt you again.

Why did you miss someone you hated so much?

After taking off your prosthetic and rolling into your bed, you throw the covers over your cold body. Your whole life you had always felt alone. Connections were hard for you to make, no matter how hard you tried. In your thirty two years of life, you had always felt disconnected from the world. Something had to be wrong with you. The bed was big enough for two people, but there was only one person. As you make yourself comfortable, you notice a burning candle on the nightstand. It makes you think back to that night in Greece, with Safin’s hands travelling over your body as he passioantly made love to you. Safin wasn’t a man you had met everyday. He was an Anarchist who happened to be obsessed with you and your legal husband. The ring was still on your finger to this day. Looking at it made you subtly smile to yourself. Why were you so happy about him? Safin was unpredictable. One minute you symathized for him, wanted him, or hated him.

But then you realized it.

Safin’s love for you was unhealthy. He had stalked your whole life and pre planned your kidnapping to be his bride. You had thought you were going to be used a bargaining trip, but it was the total opposite. The more you learned (and obsered) Safin, you realized that he was human as well. He was a lonely evil man who yearned for love. The love he had experience was eithier negative or nothing. Upon seeing you, Safin wanted you, but didn’t know how to win you over. He made you a garden, gave you expensive items, a bedroom instead of a cell, yet you refused to love him. It wasn’t until Greece where you began to slighlty sympathieze with him. It would never justify his actions. When you had fucked, all you needed was a distraction. Both of you had been touchstarved. When that occurred, Safin had assumed you were in love. He did whatever he took for you to love him, even if it meant killing for freinds and family or forcing you into a loveless marriage.

It was for the better that Safin was locked away in a glass cell for the rest of his days. You and Louis could try to live a somewhat normal life. You would never experience a true connection again. But it was okay with you. If you could most of your life being confused and yearning, then you could do it for as long as you lived. Louis was the only reason you were going on with life. His smile and how his eyes twinkled in the light made you cry; he was truly a star.

You would never admit it to anyone, not even your cloest friends or family, but a small part of you did truly love Safin. You wanted to help him, but he was far past the point of the return. It was better if he was out of your life.

Looking into the burning candle, your eyes begin to flutter shut. You suddenly feel warm again, like your being held and watched over. It always felt like you were never alone. Safin was a lingering phantom that intrigued and haunted you. He was always watching you.

And yet, a small part of you truly loved Safin.

[shyvioletcat]

could we get a part 3 of zoom interrupted? it's so good!!!

I didn’t edit this one too hard so sorry about that. 

Part 1 // Part 2

~~~~~

Rowan sat down and booted up his computer, Elsie hugged to his chest in one arm. The poor thing was upset, Aelin was feeling miserable and nauseous and just needed some space, some things their one year old daughter was struggling to understand. Elsie had cried as Rowan had carried her out of the bedroom, Aelin curled beneath the blanket apologising to the both of them. Rowan had told her not to worry about it, if Elsie sat with him or played in the room while he was on the video conference, his coworkers would just have to deal with it. 

He signed in and after a few moments everyone else did, murmuring hellos that perked up once they saw Elsie is Rowan’s arms. She was having none of it though and just buried her face in her father’s neck with a small whine. The only shot that had remained free of people was Lorcan’s which was odd, as he was the one running the show.

“Where’s the boss?” Vaughan asked. “He’s signed in obviously, but where is he?” 

No one else seemed to have an answer. Rowan looked at his own video stream, checking to see if Elsie had cheered up any. She hadn’t, she was still frowning, gripping onto the collar of his tshirt. 

Finally Lorcan appeared, and everyone sat up a little straighter. It wasn’t often that the man looked frazzled, but today it seemed was one of those days. The reason for it was apparent.

Rowan leaned his head down to whisper to his daughter. “Hey, Elsie. Look who it is.”

Elsie raised her head up a little and on the screen Rowan watched as her face split into a wide grin. 

“Korby!” She all but squealed. 

Lorcan’s two year old son sat on his knee, all dark hair and eyes, his face lighting up as Elsie called out his name. He was immediately standing up and leaning on the desk with the hand that held a dinosaur toy and waving furiously with the other.

“Hi, Essie. Hi!” Korbin said, leaning in closer. “I playing Dad,” he explained.

“Dada,” Elsie said, then it was followed by a stream of babble he couldn’t interpret that ended with Korbin’s name.

He assumed it had to do with him being on the screen so Rowan said, “Yeah, there he is.”

Elsie clapped and Korbin giggled. Rowan glanced at the other faces on the chat, they were all beaming, even Lorcan.

But Lorcan then cleared his throat, hiding most of his smile as he said, “Elide had to do a grocery run. Didn’t realise we were almost out of nappies.” 

“Well, well, well, look at Mr Professional,” Fenrys quipped, arms crossed and swinging his chair side to side.

There were in fact a few audible groans and Lorcan just flat out ignored him. 

“How is Aelin doing?” Gavriel asked. 

“She’s doing alright, the nausea has picked up so she’s feeling pretty miserable at the moment. Just needed some space,” Rowan said, inclining his head to Elsie.

Just then Korbin raised his dinosaur to the screen and roared. That had Elsie descending into a fit of giggles, so he did it again. Everyone was smiling or laughing.

“Alright, I know we’ve got two toddlers in the meeting but can we try and get something done?” Lorcan prompted but the effect of his words missed their mark a little with the smirk on his face. 

They all started going over what they needed too for the meeting but everyone was only half paying attention because they were too busy watching the show the toddlers were putting on. Elsie watched Korbin’s every move, a smile on her face. Korbin seemed to cotton on to the fact she was practically enchanted with him and made sure he kept her attention. 

“Essie, see. I put it head!” Korbin said as he put his dinosaur toy on his head then moved from side to side. Elsie watched with her little hands clasped in front of her. Then Elsie instigated a raspberry blowing competition that had to be called off because of how wet the screens were getting. Their game of peekaboo had everyone in near hysterics. Korbin soon realised that Elsie liked when he played with Lorcan, interrupting him and taking his glasses or the piece of paper he was holding. Korbin turned, tapping at Lorcan’s face with his little hand, “Dad. Dad, Dad, daddy,” he repeated that over and over until Lorcan finally relented and stopped the train of thought he was on.

“Yes, son,” he said, looking down at Korbin affectionately.

“I like dadasaurs,” was Korbin’s very serious reply.

Everyone tried not to laugh but failed. Lorcan just sighed but then tickled Korbin’s sides which had both him and Elsie laughing, then he said, “I like dinosaurs too.”

“Aww, look at that. My heart is just all warm and fuzzy,” Fenrys teased. He was saved from any scathing remarks by Elide coming in.

“Sorry about that boys,” she said as she stood by Lorcan’s shoulder. “How is everyone?”

Everyone replied with variations of ‘good’ and ‘doing well’. But Fenrys was grinning, which only meant trouble. Elide sent a confused look to Lorcan who just rolled his eyes.

“Get everything you needed?” Fenrys said.

“I think so,” Elide said, her voice lilting in her confusion. “Just needed some essentials.”

“Essentials, huh? You get all the essentials, Elide?” Fenrys asked and Rowan felt himself inwardly groan at his tone. “Was contraception on the list? You don’t want to end up like the Galathynius-Whitethorn household.”

Realisation dawned on Elide’s face and then her eyes narrowed. It seemed Fenrys wasn’t done yet. 

“Just ask Fenrys, we don’t have time for this,” Connall interjected.

“So, when are you guys giving Korbin a —“

“If you ask me when we’re having another baby I swear I will reach through this screen and strangle you myself,” Elide said, pointing a finger at him.

Fenrys raised his hands in defeat but Rowan, and everyone else, could see the mischief still dancing in his eyes.

Korbin reached for his mother and Elide took that as her cue to go and told him to say goodbye. Korbin waved to everyone, except Elsie who was momentarily distracted by her drawing.

“She’ll be pregnant before this quarantine is over,” Fenrys whispered. But his smile turned into a cringe when Elide’s voice came from off screen.

“I heard that! You better watch yourself, moon moon!”

Everyone tried to hide their laughter, cautious of not bringing Elide’s wrath down on them as well. 

Then Fenrys pointed at Rowan. “Case and point,” he said and Rowan glared at him. Fenrys only scoffed, “Don’t look at me like that. It was all you.”

“What was all him?” Aelin asked, she’d snuck into the room while they were all distracted.

Gavriel didn’t give Fenrys a chance to reply. “Don’t you say one more word,” he said. Seemed Gavriel was understandably growing tired of hearing about his niece’s sex life. “Mute him right now, Lorcan. Before he can say anything else.”

Rowan looked at Aelin, she looked exhausted but she chuckled softly at the antics of Rowan’s coworkers.

“I’m surprised you don’t just mute him from the start,” Aelin added.

“That’s rude, I contribute a lot to this company,” Fenrys said.

Aelin tilted her head questioningly. “Are you sure?”

Fenrys flipped her off and she gasped, covering Elsie’s eyes. “There are children present, Mr Moonbeam!”

Rowan smiled and put a hand on the small of Aelin’s back. She looked over at him, her features softened by a small smile. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Aelin nodded but before she could reply, Elsie looked up at the screen and saw that Korbin was gone. “Korby?”

She said his name a few times, getting more and more distressed. Aelin picked her up, with a little help from Rowan, and hugged her close. “Why don’t we go call Korby, huh? Leave Daddy to work.”

Everyone called out goodbyes as Elsie left the room, she was much too sad to reply this time.

“So...” Fenrys said. “We done?”

“No,” was Lorcan’s firm and unquestioning reply. 

Rowan chuckled as he found the right page of his notes, and he kept smiling as he heard Elsie’s laughter coming from the living room, no doubt reunited with her Zoom buddy.

~~~~~

Tags: @fucking-winchester-trash // @literary-licorice // @galyxsy // @tangledraysofsunshine // @highqueenofelfhame // @3am-reading // @soup-that-is-too-hawt // @aelinfire-bringer // @nalgenewhore // @highladyofthesith // @http-itsrebecca // @sleep-and-books // @average-girl-at-best // @alifletcher2012 // @westofmoon // @sleeping-and-books // @ttakeitbacknoww // @armixers-unite // @mariamuses // @chocolate-eating-bitch-queen // @velarian-trash // @queenofxhearts // @heroesofterrasen // @highladyofstoriesandmusic // @empire-of-wildfire // @camerooonchiu // @crackedship // @lowhangingtreebranches // @over300books // @yourwhisperingshadows // @thesirenwashere // @tswaney17 // @impossiblescissorspeachpaper // @cat5313 // @judelovescardan // @flowerspringsea // @chaoticskyy // @the-regal-warrior // @fanfictrash3000 // @blueeyes425 // @starseternalnighttriumphant // @bamchickawowow // @thehuntressofmoon // @giorgia-the-trashpanda // @flora-and-fae // @thereaderandfangirl // @illyrian-bookworm // @chemicha // @meltalgel-ig // @gay-book-nerd // @that-odd-puzzle-piece // @i-love-all-books // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato // @girl-who-reads-the-books // @hizqueen4life // @the-third-me // @queen-of-glass // @bestmelle // @cursebreaker29 // @b00kworm

[togetherwearerapture]

Feel It (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine)

Warnings: Death at the beginning, very explicit NSFW scenes

Notes: This is my second very angsty fic that has been sitting on my laptop for the best part of a year, I’ve been slowly chopping away at it. I aimed to post it before the start of OH2 but that didn’t happen. I have modified it slightly but some details (re: Aurora) may be a little behind canon. I have also changed the name of my MC from Lucy to Elle (from my first fic “Awake”). All characters belong to Pixelberry/Choices. Hope you enjoy.

Word Count: 5k+

*********************

Ethan glanced at his watch, and then at ECG on the defibrillator. Asystole, still.

“Elle,” he said, his tone defeated.

Not moving her gaze from her palm, the young woman continued to pound steady compressions against the small chest.

“Elle, it’s time. You need to stop.”

“No…we need to keep going,” Elle panted, blonde strands from her messy ponytail falling all around her face. “One..more..round”

Ethan glanced at the nurses, who were standing motionlessly around the resuscitation trolley. Their heads were bowed, expressions solemn.

“We’ve already given 3 loads of amiodarone-”

“Three…more…seconds!” Elle gasped, then finally stepped back from the child’s motionless body to watch the defibrillator. The 2 minutes of the latest round of CPR was up.

Nothing.

Ethan watched as Elle’s eyes, wild with adrenaline and desperate hope, filled with tears.

“She’s gone, Elle. We need to let her go.”

He gently touched her arm, her skin glistening with exertion and burning hot underneath his fingertips. Finally, she met his gaze, and gave a tiny, almost imperceptible nod.

Ethan took a deep breath, and then looked at his watch.

“Time of death, 22.16.”

Elle stepped forward, surveying the little girl in front of her. She reached for her hand and squeezed.

“I’m sorry, Katie.”

Without another word, she turned and left the room.

Ethan put his hands behind his head and sighed, as the nurses soberly moved over to the bed and began to clear up.

7-year-old Katie Phillips had been transferred over to diagnostics at Edenbrook just under a week ago, with a case of atypically-presenting sepsis, which had delayed her diagnosis at her previous hospital. Together, Ethan and Elle had figured out her condition within the first 30 minutes of her arrival, and commenced treatment, to which Katie had responded extremely well.

Katie had no parents, and lived in a children’s home. She had also taken a terrific shine to Elle.

On many an occasion, well after her shift had ended, Ethan would pass by Katie’s room and see Elle sitting on her bed, both of them erupting with laughter, or drawing together. Two days ago at around 3am, Ethan was walking through the diagnostics ward on his night shift, and heard a pretty voice singing a soft melody. Following the voice took him to the doorway of Katie’s room, where he found Elle holding the young girl in her arms, stroking her hair and singing to her as she whimpered from the pain of the intravenous antibiotics.

But, they were working.

It was all looking so good.

They were unable to take any family history, of course, on admission, or perhaps they would have decided to order an echocardiogram. Katie had no cardiac symptoms at all, until she began to arrest just under an hour ago. A quick ultrasound in between cycles of CPR showed she had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

Katie had presented with such a complex illness, but the combined brilliance of Ethan and Elle’s minds had cracked it, she was getting so much better, making so much progress, she was going to live. But it was so devastatingly simple, and yet so unavoidable.

Sudden Cardiac Death.

***

Some time later,  after finishing his paperwork at the nurses’ station, Ethan turned instinctively towards the family room. He suddenly felt a pang in his chest, remembering no one was waiting inside for Katie. There were no parents to inform, no family, no one at all.

Ethan expected to feel somewhat relieved at not having to undertake the usual sad process, but his heart felt all the heavier as he took in the silent, empty room.

The one person who he knew would feel Katie’s loss so deeply was…

Elle.

The thought of her flooded Ethan’s mind.

A tapping on the computer behind him roused Ethan from his thoughts, and he turned to see one of the nurses who had approached the station.

“Hey…have you seen Dr Valentine anywhere?” he asked.

“I saw her heading towards the shower room,” the nurse replied.

“Thanks,” Ethan replied, hurrying off down the corridor.

***

Ethan hadn’t been in the changing rooms for years, since his intern days. It was dark when he entered, but the auto lights torpidly flickered on.

Empty.

“Elle?” he called out.

He poked his head around to the shower cubicles, and saw the floor was wet. Someone had been in here not long ago, and he was sure it was Elle. The steamy air was filled with the scent of her shampoo.

It wasn’t even odd to Ethan that he remembered the exact smell of Elle Valentine’s hair. Two months ago, his face was buried in it as she reached up around the back of his neck, his hands on her hips as they made passionate love. He had memorised every tiny detail of that night, including every smell, taste, and feel; the last time they would be together before “everything went back to how it was.” Every night since, Ethan had replayed those moments in his mind, laying awake in bed. On many occasions, the memories even followed him into his dreams.

They even chased him to the depths of the Amazon rainforest, which Ethan had fled to in his hopes to get over her. Instead on his return, every moment alone with her, every touch of her hand, every moment of eye contact that lasted just a little too long, had made his longing for her intensify.

Ethan shook his head, sighing, and made his way back out of the locker room.

***

After grabbing his coat from his office, Ethan made his way wearily back down the hospital halls, a feeling of unease growing in his stomach. He had no idea where Elle was, and she was obviously in a state of distress when she had left the room. He pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked into the parking lot, concern for the young doctor eclipsing his dislike of texting.

He had only managed to pull up her name in his contacts, before he saw her. She was leaning against the wall of a shrub bed in the middle of the parking lot, half hidden in darkness. Ethan sighed, putting his phone back into his pocket.

Elle didn’t look up as he approached, staring down at her interlocked hands in her lap.

“Hey. Are you ok?”

She didn’t reply. Stupid question, Ethan thought.

“I was just about to text to see where you were. I…was worried, about you.”

Finally, Elle looked up at him.

“I had a cry in the shower,” Elle said, letting out a short, humourless laugh. “I’ll be ok. Not right now. But I will be. You don’t need to worry about me.” She returned her gaze to her hands.

“You need to know, Elle. I know you built up a really good bond with her, but there was nothing we could have done. The sepsis treatment was working, and there was no way we knew about the cardiomyopathy, there was no way we could have known.”

She didn’t reply, so Ethan continued, checking off mental notes in his head, almost strategically.

“Wasting time on an echocardiogram would have been a pointless test that would have distracted from the sepsis treatment. Besides, there was no indication to even order an echo. There was-”

“Ethan.”

She suddenly looked up, meeting Ethan’s gaze. Her green eyes were sharp and wide under the parking lot lights. Ethan found himself quite speechless, perhaps from the interruption, or maybe from the intensity of her gaze.

“Ethan, sometimes things are just shit. You don’t always have to try and fix everything. You don’t always have to solve someone’s pain, like you’re solving a case. Sometimes the best thing is to just be there, and let them feel it.”

There were a few moments of silence, as Ethan took in her words.

“I’m sorry this happened,” he said finally.

“Me too.”

Ethan hesitated for a moment, and then, almost awkwardly, raised his arms. Elle looked at them, and then at him.

He wondered if it was a mistake, and was about to lower his arms and apologise, when she slowly stepped forward from the wall. He saw his own hesitancy mirrored in her features, but nevertheless, she stepped forward into his embrace.

A flood of bittersweet warmth surged through Ethan’s body. This was the first time he had held her in so long, and oh how he missed the way she fitted so perfectly into him, her petite frame enveloped in his arms. She too seemed to relax into his embrace, her head resting against his chest, undoubtedly hearing his pounding heart beneath. Ethan tightened his hold on her, which she reciprocated. He rested his head on top of hers and closed his eyes. He let the feel of her warm body and the sweet cocktail of her hair and perfume envelop him.

They stood together, swaying on the spot slightly. Ethan wasn’t sure exactly how long they had been embracing, but it was the mental feeling, that it was too long to not be something. A silent line had been crossed, unspoken feelings straining in both of their chests, screaming into the silence.

After what felt like both not long enough and an eternity, they pulled away. A gust of cold autumn wind whooshed over them, and Elle shivered.

“It’s freezing out,” said Ethan, eyeing the tiny leather jacket she was wearing. “Let me drive you home.”

“No,” she said suddenly. “I…don’t want to go home.”

“My roommates are having a movie marathon tonight,” she hastily explained. “Elijah’s invited his new girlfriend too. I’m not really in the mood, I’d just want to go straight to my room and then I’d look rude.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Ethan said. “Or to your roommates if you did go to your room, for that matter. You worry too much about others’ feelings, and not nearly enough about your own.”

“I-”

“But I quite understand. We won’t take you home just yet.”

Ethan removed his thick black coat from his shoulders, offering it to her.

“Oh no, I’ve got one, you’ll be cold.”

“I insist. Your hair is still wet too,” he added, gesturing to the damp tips of her blonde locks. “Let’s get you in the warm.”

Elle offered him a small smile, before slipping into the coat.

“Come on,” Ethan said, placing a hand on the small of her back and leading her towards his car.

***

They shared a comfortable silence on the short ride back, both enjoying the sound of the gentle concerto from Ethan’s stereo. The warmth of the car served a welcome contrast to the bitter cold air outside.

Elle glanced over at Ethan as he finally pulled the car to a stop.

“I see we’re at yours.”

“We are indeed. Is that…is that okay?” he asked, somewhat anxiously.

Elle smiled.

“Yeah, it is.”

He opened the car door for her, and they made their way up to his apartment.  

“Make yourself comfortable. Wine?” he offered, as they both stepped inside.

“Please.”

Ethan headed over to the kitchen, watching Elle over the counter as he opened a bottle of Merlot. He smiled to himself as she carefully removed her ankle boots, placing them neatly next to his own running shoes by the door. Typical Elle. It reminded him of when she apologised for the non-existent mess in her spotless bedroom when he had stayed at her apartment.

He really should stop thinking about that night. It was one thing doing it alone in bed, late at night, but the memory felt all the more tangible now she was in his apartment, just feet away from him. He had almost forgotten it had all been real.

“What?” Elle asked bemused, clocking his expression.

“Nothing, just simple observation,” said Ethan, a small smile playing on his lips.

Elle raised an eyebrow, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly.

“Your people-watching sessions are a little less incognito when it’s just the two of us in your apartment, Ethan.”

“My apologies. Just admiring your attention to detail,” he smirked.

It was so damn cute, he thought.

Elle rolled her eyes, but a slight blush crept on her cheeks as she peeled off his coat and her jacket.

Ethan sat down on the sofa, as she turned away from him and stretched up to hang them both on the coat rack. Ethan couldn’t help but stare at her short jumper dress, clinging to the all the right places on her body. How his hands yearned to roam it again. Ethan blinked hard, forcing himself to look away. He drank deeply from his wine glass.

Elle settled down on the sofa beside him, picking up her own drink. Ethan watched carefully as she took a long swig, then swirled the remaining contents around the glass, staring into space.

He racked his brains for something to say. He didn’t want to try and distract her completely from the rawness of Katie’s death- how could he- but he didn’t want to focus on it either. He tried to think of small talk. He fucking hated small talk. He had never felt the need to. But for her, he was trying so hard, to fill the silence, to make things that bit more bearable for her, in any way he possibly could.

What was happening to him?

“So,” he started, “how are you finding Boston then? You’ve been here a while now.”

“You mean to suggest I don’t spend every waking hour at the hospital working on cases?” she scoffed. “I mean, yeah, it’s good. I’ve found some good running spots, some nice cafés, I guess. It’d be nice for me to get out with people and explore it all a bit more, but I can’t remember the last time me and my roommates all had the same shifts off.”

“You all seem pretty close.”

“They’re my rocks,” Elle beamed, taking another drink of wine. Ethan smiled at the way her face lit up when she talked about her beloved friends. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

“Have you found a new roommate yet?” Ethan asked. She had mentioned to him before that Dr Olsen was transferring to Mass Kenmore, and he’d seen flyers up advertising the spare room pinned up around various break rooms.

“Not yet. I offered it to Aurora, but-”

“Aurora?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah, she doesn’t want to stay with Harper anymore. I think it’s a good thing, her stepping out on her own.”

“No, I heard about that. I’m just surprised you reached out, I always thought she seemed quite cold to you last year.”

“Yeah well,” Elle shrugged. “Harper was putting a lot of pressure on her. Plus, half the hospital fangirling over her because of her surname, it’d be enough to put anyone’s back up. She’s not as bad as everyone says, people just need to put themselves in her shoes.”

Ethan watched her carefully. That was the thing- one of many things- about Elle; she always saw the best in people. No matter how cold they may appear, how brusquely they may act towards her, she had such warmth, such empathy, she could see past it all and understand.

Even him.

Inexplicably, he felt a wave of tenderness wash over him, and suddenly had the desire to just reach out and be close to her, to touch her, to hold her hand. Almost involuntarily, he found himself shifting slightly closer to her on the sofa.

“And then, if Aurora doesn’t want to move in, Bryce said he’d be interested.”

Ethan stiffened, and it must have been enough for Elle to notice that he had come closer, because she looked up at him.

“The scalpel jockey?” It was a piss poor attempt to keep his tone indifferent, casual. He knew exactly who Bryce fucking Lahela was.

“Yeah, him,” said Elle.

He knew they were friends, but Ethan had seen the surgeon checking out Elle’s ass on far too many occasions for him to know it was more than friendship on his mind. He was clearly a touchy-feely kind of guy; slapping his senior surgeons on the shoulder, throwing arms round his friends when he joined them at the nurses’ station, but for Elle…it was different. Ethan had seen his hands settle on her waist, on the small of her back, in all the non-platonic places, for just a little too long.

Ethan drained his glass, then rose from the sofa to retrieve the bottle of wine from the kitchen counter. Elle watched him; noticing the change in his demeanour.

“I bet he’ll love that,” Ethan snorted, refilling their glasses.

“Why?”

“Because,” said Ethan, placing the bottle down a little harder on the coffee table than he had meant to and dropping back down to the sofa, “he makes no secret of the fact that he likes you.”

“Bryce is just a friend,” Elle laughed.

“He doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Bryce is a quick fuck in a shower kind of guy, not the romantic dinner and candles type.”

Ethan almost spat out his wine.

“Excuse me?”

“Look,” Elle sighed. “Me and Bryce are friends. I know he has a bit of a thing for me, the girls have told me. But I don’t like him like that. He came on to me at our housewarming party, after everyone had gone, and offered…well, that.”

“I see,” said Ethan stiffly. Jealously began to rage in him like an inferno, yet his blood seemed to turn cold. “And was it good, your ‘quick fuck in the shower?’���

Why the on earth did he ask that, why did he even care? He knew he sounded like an asshole, he was supposed to be making her feel better, but instead he was prying. The wine felt potent in his stomach- maybe that was part of the reason why his tongue was loose- but either way, he just needed to know.

This time, it was Elle’s time to choke on her drink.

“Ethan!” she spluttered. “No, I didn’t have sex with him!” she giggled. “I do friends, not friends with benefits, and it’s much harder to friendzone a guy after you’ve had sex. Me and him laugh about it now.”

As relief flooded through Ethan, Elle started to roll around the sofa laughing, the last dregs of wine in her glass teetering precariously close to the edge. But Ethan didn’t care. She was so damn beautiful when she laughed, and he was so glad to see her laughing. It was hard to imagine that a couple of hours ago, she had been performing chest compressions on a child.

He laughed too, although he didn’t think it was that funny. The wine was definitely a good idea to lighten both their spirits.

But as suddenly as she started laughing, she stopped.

“Elle?”

“No…no I can’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer. Ethan scooted closer to her, and her entire demeanour had changed. Suddenly, she was so still and sad. He stretched an arm around her shoulders, placing his other hand on her thigh.

And that was all it took.

The simple intimacy of the action was a static shock between them, and her eyes snapped up to his in the dim light of his living room. Suddenly Ethan felt his heart pounding in his chest. He looked at her face, and it was as if he had just realised how impossibly beautiful she was for the very first time.

“Elle, what is it?” he whispered gently, his fingertips pressing ever so slightly into her thigh. There was a mere millimetre between skin and skin, the flimsy fabric of her tights.

“Oh god, what am I even doing?” she breathed.

“What do you mean?”

“I should be feeling shit about Katie, I watched a child fucking die tonight! I should be feeling shit about Bryce, I should be feeling shit about missing Elijah’s movie night, he’s been going on about it for ages. And I do feel shit…but I’m also sitting here getting drunk with my boss, and fucking enjoying it! And wanting to…”

Ethan desperately wanted to ask her to finish her sentence, wanted to know what she wanted. Wanted to know if it was the same as him.

Instead, he focused, as much as his mind would let him, on the fact she was in a bad place. He needed to step up, and offer some emotional support. This was why he had taken her back to his place after all, wasn’t it?

“You don’t have to feel any kind of way. It’s like you said, just let yourself feel it. Grief is a complex, multi-dimensional thing. You think how you’re acting isn’t right, but there is no right. Whatever you feel right now, in this moment, is right. How do you feel?”

Both of their breaths were heavy, and Ethan could feel his fingers pulsing on her thigh.

“I feel…I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, to not know. If you don’t know how you feel, go with what you want. What do you want?”

Her eyes pierced his, Ethan swore she could see right into his soul. Suddenly, there was no wine, no living room, nothing else. Elle was the only thing in the whole damn world.

“What do you want, Ethan?” she whispered.

Their gazes met; his eyes full of ravenous hunger. Unconsciously, almost, his hand reached up to the back of her neck, twining in her golden locks.

“You. Only you. Always you.”

He saw the look on her face only for a second, before he crashed his mouth into hers, his hand still at her neck, the other gripping her thigh for dear life. She kissed him back, hard, her arms snaking around his shoulders. The dam was broken.

Only when she bit the bottom of his lip, and Ethan let out a moan of pleasure, did they finally come up for air.

“Ethan…” she breathed heavily.

“I need you, Elle. Please-”

Before he could finish, Elle answered him with her mouth. Ethan pulled her tight onto his lap, her knees straddling him. His tongue danced with hers, relishing in the warmth of her mouth, their lips never breaking.

His hands slid up her thighs, grabbing the hem of her jumper dress and pulling it up and over her head. Ethan’s eyes drank in the sight of her torso.

“You’re incredible,” he breathed.

He brushed his fingers over the rise of her heaving breasts, bulging out the top of her black lace balconette bra. Elle gasped as he slipped his fingers into the cup.

“This is too small for you,” Ethan growled, hands tearing ravenously at the clasp. There was a loud ripping sound. “I’ll have to buy you more lingerie,” he muttered, somewhat apologetically.

Impatient, Elle reached behind her back with nimble hands and unclasped the torn bra herself, tossing it to the floor.

“My god, Elle…” Ethan groaned, drinking in the sight of her bare chest. “You are a goddess.”

He seized her ample breasts in both hands, kneading and massaging carefully. Elle let out a groan of pleasure.

“Ethan…oh!”

He took one of her breasts in his mouth, circling her hard nipple with his tongue, his thumb taking care of her other. They felt so good; so heavy and warm and full on his face and hands. He wished his head could be buried between them forever, these breasts carved by the angels.

Elle threw her head back in pleasure as Ethan alternated between sucking and biting. She began to grind in his lap, and he could feel her heat through her thin tights against his stone hard cock, the sensation arousing him even more. Not removing his mouth from her breasts, he snaked his hand underneath the waistband of her tights.

“Fuck!” Elle gasped, immediately rocking harder against his fingers that hadn’t yet slipped under her panties.

Ethan almost lost it at the feeling of her hot arousal all over her fingers. Steeling himself, he focused intently on prolonging her pleasure, pushing past her panties and massaging her clit.

“Take..them…off,” Elle commanded between gasps.

With pure carnal desire, Ethan ripped the tights clean off, and pushed her panties down her thighs. At the same time, Elle fumbled with his belt and flies, making quick work of exposing him quickly.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he moaned, “Elle, oh my-fuck!”

Panties tossed to the floor, Elle re-positioned and sat on him fully, and Ethan almost came there and then from the feeling of being inside her once again. Oh how he had longed for this, for so long. She was so slick for him, so perfect and tight, and he fitted into her perfectly. It was although they were made for each other, Ethan thought, in more ways than one.

Throwing her head back, Elle began to grind on his lap, and Ethan could not withhold his primal moan. He closed his eyes, drowning in pleasure, but forced himself to open them, not wanting to miss the sight of the woman on top of him.

Her hips danced tantalising circles on his cock, circling, bouncing, grinding.

“I’ve dreamed of you like this…for months…every…fucking…night.”

Fire roared in Elle’s eyes as she took in his words, the confession appearing to spur her even more.

‘Oh my god,” Ethan groaned as she changed her pattern of gyration in just the right way.

How was she even real, how could sex be this fucking good? It was otherworldly.

“Since the Amazon?” Elle panted.

“In the Amazon. Every night. And before then…before I fucked you for the first time….and every night since…how could I ever forget?”

He traced his hands over her mesmerising hips, gripping them hard, as if seizing on to the moment itself, making sure it was real.

Elle was such a vision. Her blonde locks cascaded over her shoulders, her bare breasts bouncing up and down, her taut stomach moving in time with her hips. And her face; her beautiful, perfect face, a picture of bliss and pleasure, all for him.

He moved his hands down to her ass, roving over the soft, full cheeks. Elle moaned with pleasure as he slapped and squeezed, hard. He guided her up and down, and returned her vigour with his own thrusts, in perfect harmony.

“Oh…Ethan…I’m so close…I want it to last,” Elle gasped as she slowed down, and Ethan looked up to see her face a mix of strain and pleasure, trying desperately to withhold her climax.

“I know sweetheart,” he murmured, leaning up to kiss her breasts again. “Come for me. Let yourself go, I’ve got you.”

“Ohhh!” cried Elle a few seconds later, her eyes hammering shut as she lost herself in pleasure. Ethan watched as she threw her head back, the sounds she was making and the look of pure ecstasy on her face making him delirious and come, hard.

“Elle!”

He could feel her contracting around him as he filled her, her thighs shuddering and twitching as she rode out the last of her orgasmic waves.

After a few moments, they began to come down from the high. Suddenly filled with a surge of determination, Ethan sat up, lifting Elle effortlessly into his arms, and strode towards the bedroom. The empty wine glasses shattered onto the floor in their wake, like the barriers that had been shattered between them.

“Ethan!” Elle yelped, as he kicked open the door and laid her gently on the bed, by the pillows.

“I’m not done,” he said huskily. “I want to make you feel so good, Elle.” He hastily unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it on the floor. “Look at you.”

Moving slowly towards the bed, he drank in the sight of her naked form; he a lost man wandering the Sahara; her body a desert spring.

“You have no idea what it does to me when you look at me like that, Ethan,” she whispered as he crawled on to the bed, running his hands over her body.

“And you have no idea what you do to me by just existing.” He planted hot kisses over her neck, slowly making his way downwards. “What it does to me when you’re in the same fucking room as me,” she shivered deliciously as his beard scratched her collarbone. “When you take off your white coat and I see you’re wearing one of those goddamn fitted dresses, and then I can’t stop thinking about what I know is underneath.”

His kisses lingered on Elle’s breasts; his hand travelling to her clit.

“It’s harder now…” he breathed; the sweet moans coming from her mouth at his ministrations were music to his ears. “Before the first time, I could only imagine what it was like to have you…but now I know how sweet your pussy is. I thought those two months would make me forget…but it’s only made me want you more.”

Suddenly, Elle knelt up, and Ethan gasped as her hand curled around his cock, hard again already.

“Show me,” she demanded, eyes wide and blazing with desire.

“All those times I know you’ve held back, when I hold your hand, when you touch my cheek, when it’s just us alone together. I want you to show me everything you’ve been holding back. I want you to fuck me, hard, Ethan. I need to feel it.”

Her assertiveness roused Ethan even more; she pressed her lips to his and worked her hand up and down his cock to assure him further of her consent. That was all he needed.

Effortlessly, he curled a hand around her tiny waist and flipped her over on the bed onto all fours.

“Mmm…yesss,” she moaned, arching her back to invite him in.

Ethan took just a few moments to indulge himself, relishing in the sight of her like that, willing and ready for him. Then, he couldn’t wait any longer.

They gasped simultaneously as he plunged into her smooth, soaked folds.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he growled, beginning to rock against her. “I love being inside of you.”

Elle arched her back even more, crying out in pleasure as the angle of his penetration hit her in just the right spot.

“Oh my god…Ethan.”

She threw her head back, and Ethan reached forward, pulling on her blonde locks.

“YES!”

He picked up the pace, the sound and feel of her ass clapping against his hips drawing him ever closer to the edge. His fingers roamed beneath her, seizing as much of her bouncing breasts as his hands would let him. He circled his thumbs over her hard nipples, and Elle groaned and pushed back against him.

“Harder Ethan…don’t-fucking-stop!”

Grabbing her hips, he rammed himself into her furiously. All the restraint, every modicum of self-control, all the excruciating, agonising professionalism that had been towering between them, dissolved away more and more with each thrust.

“I’m going to come again…” Elle’s fingers curled into the bedsheets, knuckles white. “Oh-oh-OH, ETHAN!”

Elle’s repeated cries of his name became lost in whimpers and moans as he reached around to massage her clit, and she exploded into blissful climax once again. Ethan knew he was a matter of strokes away from the same.

Ethan slowed himself, gently holding her waist, supporting her as her knees buckled on the come down from the high.

“You can finish in me again,” she panted after a few moments, “I want you to.”

She began to arch her back again, but Ethan turned her over to lie on her back with a surprising tenderness.

“I want- I need to look at you, Elle.”

The thick desire in his voice was suddenly mixed with a gentle tenderness. He entered her again, his strokes slow but firm.

Something in the atmosphere had changed. The raw, animalistic passion and pent-up lust, had morphed into something else. Something more.

Ethan moved one hand to brace himself against the headboard, the other caressing Elle’s cheek.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He moved his hand to hers, lacing their fingers together. She squeezed, and he squeezed back.

Their steady rhythm led Ethan closer to his climax. He stared into her brilliant green eyes, and she returned his gaze with wonder.

“Ethan..”

Her eyes became glassy, and she reached up to touch his cheek. Inexplicably, Ethan felt a tear of his own began to fall.

“You’re everything to me, Elle. Everything.”

Finally, Ethan felt the heat that had been steadily building in his lower abdomen roar into flames.

“Oh, sweetheart, Elle…ELLE!”

He cried out her name, desperately. There was a loud crack as the headboard that Ethan braced himself on split, but neither of them seemed to care. Ethan let his vision fill with the face of the woman below him. If this was his final sight before he died, Ethan would die a happy man.

After a few hazy seconds, Elle let go of his hand, and reached up to stroke his back, almost cradling him from beneath. Ethan removed himself from her, panting hard. He laid down beside her, gathering her into his arms.

“That was…that was..” Elle began.

They both chuckled lightly, and Ethan squeezed her close.

“Incredible,” he finished for her, and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

They laid there, wrapped in each other for a long while, before Ethan reached up again to caress her cheek.

“Are you ok, Elle?”

“I’m…”

She trailed off. The ecstasy was over. The pain of the world and the previous events of the night slowly ebbed back into reality.

“I’ve just had amazing sex, and I’m here with you, Ethan. I’m ok.” She smiled.

Ethan knew that she was still in pain, and a feeling of guilt swelled in Ethan. He knew so much of that pain was from him, from not being together. Pain she did not deserve, pain Ethan wished he could take away completely.

“Elle, I…” he propped himself up on one elbow, staring into her eyes. The familiar storm of conflict and desire played out within him. Another tear fell down his cheek.

He wanted so badly to say the words, those words. The words he felt for her with his entire being, and had done for such a long time.

Elle reached up, wiping his tear away.

“I know.”

There was a deep and bittersweet understanding in her eyes.

She pulled him back down for a kiss, before snuggling closely in his arms.

***

Ethan and Elle slept deeply that night, curled up in each other. There was so much pain in their life, in their profession as doctors, so much pain between them. But so much of something else.

Even if he couldn’t say it yet. But that night, he wanted to make sure that Elle could feel it.

And felt it, she did.

[elegant-etienne]

3. [I] trusted [you]

Send me a number to receive a micro story!

Thank you for the ask, @maybeimawhale​!

(This song is what always comes to mind when I see the word ‘Trusted.’ And I think a lot about how I used to relate to this song, in the wake of a really bad break-up, but now that I’m older, I have to wonder if the narrator of the song is being at all reasonable. I also find it helpful, when revisiting subjects I’ve written before, to twist around the perspective a bit, and give myself permission, without naming the character in this piece, to treat Etienne’s ex-husband as a NPC, and admit to myself a lot of my own character’s faults from the outside.)

BEHIND THE CUT: Descriptions of a toxic marriage, substance abuse and addiction, suicidal ideation and an attempt, allusions to past abuse and PTSD, and very inaccurate TBH but this is more or less how I remember it going down descriptors of someone having a “split personality,” and some light misgendering of Etienne (they ID’ed as male when they met their ex-husband, and at the time of their wedding).

Also I am sorry for any errors, I can’t go back and fix them after the initial post or it’ll break the formatting on the post.

insp. Ben Folds - Trusted

It's funny I know But I'm disappointed in you I thought you could read my mind

Your husband - your spouse Etienne is doing better after the time away. Actually, the time when they was sleeping in the recovery wing - three sennights - is among the best you two have had. A few hours of visitation, and they're affectionate and loving and missing you. Even a rare smile, and they show you where the stitches came out. A bell or two isn't enough time to get worked into a fervor about things and restart the same fights you've been having for moons.

When they return, Etienne has warmth in their cheeks again. They're gaining weight again. They don't smile, but they've always been quiet about that sort of thing. They've missed you. They've missed you so much. They look more like they did on your wedding day, that reserved, understated glow. They look like the Etienne you married.

(In those moments when you thought you could still be one person successfully. In those moments when they thought they'd killed the other you. In those moments when they stood at you at the altar, teary-eyed but happy, so happy.)

"Welcome home, Etie," you say with your brightest grin.

"I'll be better this time. I promise. I'll never do that again."

You laugh and embrace. You're both so relieved.

But I came home early And saw that a drawer'd been opened Looks like you've been reading my diary instead

After a long shift in Medica, all you want to do is come home and take a bath. Etienne seems to have other ideas, however. They're seated at the desk. They're glaring at you. They hold up your notebook - the one with all the reports.

"So this is what you've been doing at night while I'm gone? Forbidden research and magic? I thought we talked about this! It's too dangerous, after the last time. What if it goes too far?"

"There was no one else who could do it. It had to be me." You've never raised your voice to Etienne. Not once. Sometimes, you've cried while you're fighting. Etienne has shouted before. Twice. It frightened you.

(They wanted to kill the other half of you.)

"What if something had happened to you while I was in care? I wouldn't have known where you were. And what if there had been an emergency at the FC? Folk need you. I need you. And you promised..." Etienne bows their head, sucking in sharp breaths to try and stop the crying.

"You have no business going through my notes. There could have been patient information in there!"

"...You were acting strangely. You were hurt. You weren't telling me things. You broke your promise." The tears have been withdrawn, all that's left is dead, blank sullenness from Etienne.

"I had no other choice."

"Did you even try to stop and think of one?"

"There wasn't time. Percy and--"

"Percy?!" There it is, the raised voice, a burst of life, a flame in their eyes. "I knew it. I knew he and you--"

"It was work--"

"--Have something going on, you told me it was nothing, you told me you weren't seeing him when I wasn't around-- While I was in the bloody hospital from trying to kill myself because I can't stand this, and you wouldn't leave me alone, you wouldn't just give me the space, and now the moment you have you're running around--" Etienne always gets like this. A million words a moment. Each a pointed attack, an accusation. When Etienne gets this way, you can't do anything right.

"--It's only work--!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Maybe Rosa was right, it's too soon, we're not ready." Etienne straights their posture, scrubbing at their eyes with the heels of their hands. "I drew you a bath. I'm going to bed."

How does it feel to realize You're all alone behind your eyes?

The bath is strewn with rose petals, the candles burned down hours ago. It's dark and cool in the bedroom off the heat of the bath. Your spouse is bunched up in one corner of the bed. "I love you, you know," you speak to the dark. To Etienne's back.

"I love you too," Etienne says, but doesn't turn around. “...Be honest. Did you fuck him?”

“No, it’s not like that. He found this... it was like a cursed circus, full of twisted creatures, he needed cleansing spells, he was able to show me ways to amplify my power...”

(He knows about the other you.)

"It's alright if you did," Etienne says, malms away in the same bed. Did they even hear your explanation? "If you want to, just tell me. We can figure out an arrangement, a lot of married couples do, just don't lie to me. Don't lie."

"It's not like that."

It seems to me if you can't trust You can't be trusted

You wait to hear the soft wheeze of Etienne's snores, but you drift off before they do. Somehow. In the middle of the night, it's a repeat of others. This hasn't changed with the time in care ward, apparently. Etienne sits up and starts screaming, won't be held, won't be comforted. 3AM in the morning and your spouse is in the corner, knees to chest, rocking. They start rooting around, too, when you pretend to sleep. They won't find anything. You poured all the liquor out sennights ago -- even the things in the back of the icebox and at the top of the bookshelf.

Caught in a dream Picking up astral signals Some of them psychic, you better watch what you think

You come home to Etienne sitting in front of their vanity. You see the shimmer of a deactivated glamour prism. There are tears in their eyes, but you don't know why. They slip the plate into a drawer somewhere, and you do not ask more about it.

"I got more of the sedative. To help you with sleeping. So you don't have to drink." It's never difficult to cadge a little bit of medicine on the side for loved ones when it's needed - such are the benefits of being one of the heads of Medica. No one has to ask any questions. Etienne doesn't have to get upset or embarrassed at exposing their problems to anyone they don't trust. Rosa doesn't have to put her foot down and force Etienne to stay in the care ward, away from you. It's win-win.

Something flits across Etienne's face - suspicion, mayhap, and they say-- "I'm going to try and handle it. I'm. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to keep giving me that stuff."

"The sedative's non-habit-forming. It's better than alcohol, at least."

"I still shouldn't turn to something every time I'm distressed. It scares me. Depending on that."

"Then at least talk to me about what's bothering you."

Etienne looks at you through the mirror, not turning around. "It's not anything distinct. It's. Hands. Being pulled down into darkness. Being pinned down. Being unable to escape. Sometimes it's so real I feel it, getting slammed into a wall or onto the icy ground... and no matter how I struggle, I can't get free. So I start screaming."

"Etie..."

"Well, whatever. Everyone's got their shite." You hate this. How they mutter and retreat into themselves. They fold up into themselves and they don't come back.

(Your nightmares are of fire, of the Calamity. Lost in the woods, mother and father are gone, you can't find your brother's hand--)

Etienne shuffles resentfully into the silence. "Are you willing to tell me what you did on that mission?"

"Are you promising not to get angry when I tell you the  details?"

Etienne lifts their chin. "I'll decide that when you tell me."

(You tell them. You don't tell them all of it. You don't tell them he's back.)

Happens to be that everybody else's dreams are Freudian clues You better watch what you dream

A few suns later, Etienne makes breakfast for you. That pink ruffly apron, but there's no singing this morning: just the sizzling pan. "Do you remember anything at all about last night?" they ask, plating up the little fish with fresh, fluffy rice. They loved that Doman cooking book you got them.

"Um..."

Etienne pours you scalding hot green tea. "I went looking for you. I gave that friend of yours quite a scare. I think maybe he thought I'd burn him alive." Etienne snorts. "I just made his tea boil a bit. When he told me the truth of what you two have been up to."

"Why would you--"

"Then I found you in the Quicksand. Chatting up someone else. Are you cheating on us both, darling?"

Your head's spinning as you try to braid the threads of last night back together. "That wasn't me--"

"No, it wasn't. I brought him back here. He was as awful to me as ever." Etienne accuses with swordlike jabs. "If he's back," they say, "Why did we do any of it? The ritual? I almost lost you then! Why did you make me do any of that if he was just going to come back?"

(Your head hurts.)

"You shouldn't have gone through my things," you hiss out. "There are things that you are better off not knowing!"

"Oh, like the fact you and that boy have a magical connection? Unlike anything either of you has ever experienced? And how you - the other you - is the most brilliant mind he's ever known? It's just like I said. Remember that? You said nothing was happening, but he's totally in love with you."

"It isn't like that."

"Tell that to him, then."

(Etienne never listens.)

"Even if there's something going on - it - it isn't with me and him, it's--"

"The other one. I know. The other one who threatened to kill me."

"He was just testing you."

"And that makes it better?"

"He's lashing out because you tried to destroy him."

"He started it. You said the ritual would fix you," Etienne rasps out a whisper. "I can't believe this. I can't believe we did all that and... I'm dragging someone wearing the body of my husband out of a seedy tavern. I looked like such a fool. I thought we fixed this."

"Maybe," you feel your voice dropping to a growl, "I never needed to be fixed."

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(Last winter, you came out of a fog to Etienne staring at you, withdrawn into a calmly blank expression, their posture stiff.

"Why," they ask you, "Did you just threaten to murder me?"

You said, groggily, "What?"

And you explained it all. The splitting.

"How am I supposed to feel safe around you when there's - there's something inside you that wants to kill me?" Etienne asks, too steadily. "He knows everything about me that I've told you. He knows what I'm afraid of. This is a problem." They say, and they speak your name urgently.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, if - if he did."

"Oh, I wasn't scared," Etienne says, quietly and intensely. "I'm used to being around men who'd just as soon slit my throat as fuck me. Or one and then the other, with no particular preference of the order. I just didn't realize you were one of them.")

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

Here is one of the fights you've had more than once: your friend thought of a way to get rid of the other personality. Put him into another body.

"So we'd just take the body of someone who - what? Even if you found a willing subject, that would be killing someone." Etienne pulls their knees up to their chest, the water rippling. You're sitting at the edge of the bath. They seem to want to melt into the steam wafting off the surface. It makes them dewy. You're not sure if they're crying or not.

"No," you tell them, "We could put him into another body where the spirit had already returned to the Lifestream."

"That's necromancy. I won't do necromancy."

"We may have no other option."

"If you mess with corpses, you really won't have control over what ends up in there. You could be inviting something very, very bad in. You know that, don't you? What you're talking about is defiling the dead. It's a sin. It's a defiance of Nald'Thal's balance. It's a perversion of everything I believe. You know that. You shouldn't do it. Don't ask me to do it!"

"What if we have no other choice?"

Etienne stands up in the water, then, thinking to get out. They shout, "I can't do it! Don't ask me!" Their voice echoes and buzzes in the small space of the bath. The water ripples as they sink back down into it. They let the water bury them like a comfort blanket. "I'm - I'm sorry. Please just go away," they say in a tiny voice. "Let me think."

"I'll be outside."

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

In the end, what else could you do? Etienne didn't trust you to handle the situation. Etienne wouldn't participate in the most obviously effective ritual. Etienne was angry at you when the first attempt didn't work as planned. Etienne was an unstable, suicidal, dangerously alcoholic. It hadn't taken much time at all after the hospitalization for them to fall back on old ways.

They couldn't be trusted.

On the day you left to do it, you kissed their forehead, tucked the blankets all around them, and put strong wards on the doors after emptying another round of hidden bottles.

The sun's coming up She's pulled all the blankets over Curled in a ball Like she's hiding from me and That's when I know

Their voice comes over the linkpearl. There's a danger to it. "Why are there wards on the door, what are these?"

"It's the only way to keep you from drinking when I can't be there," you explain calmly.

Etienne sucks in a breath, and you brace for yelling. "You can't just lock me in here," they whisper. "I'm a person. I'm an adult. You have to let me out."

"I have somewhere to be for a few suns. You've food in there. You'll be alright. Sober up."

"Can't you call someone to come check on me? Rosa, or someone? Please, I can't - don't leave me here alone."

"I'm sorry, it was my only option. This can't wait."

She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up For terrible things I did to her in her dreams

The apartment is in poor shape when you return. It seems at several points Etienne attempted to magic the doorway and scorched the rug - or the levin sparked and started a fire - and they also attempted sheer brute force. One of the charming little kitchen chairs is splintered. But the Etienne you find is more like the Etienne you married. Ducking their head shyly, saying, "I'm really sorry... I'm sorry I relapsed, I'm weak."

"I'm sorry I had to do that," you say. The two of you hug desperately.

(You're sorry you had to do all of it.)

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(You're sorry the first ritual failed. The softness and patience Etienne showed you then, when you were recovering, when you didn't remember them - they were just as sweet as they'd been when you first got married. When you first started dating. Before everything got so bad.)

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

The night Etienne tried to kill themselves, you had a fight. It was about all those nights you went out, not telling them where you were going. "I can't keep doing this," Etienne said to you, staring up at the statue of Nald'thal in the Ossuary. "I can't." They speak your name with such quiet urgency. "I need time to think."

"Please," you beg, your eyes stinging. "Don't leave me." You grab their arm. They try to jerk away from the touch.

Their voice echoes loud in the Ossuary. "Don't bloody touch me when I’m upset! Please!"

You hold onto their arm harder. Their arm is so thin. They're slipping away from you. "Please don't leave, please don't be angry. Please...!"

"I'm not -- I'm not -- I just..."

You're sobbing.

"I'm sorry, darling," Etienne says, gently touching your face, your hair, "Let's go home."

You have a long conversation-argument at the apartment. You explain why the work is essential. They beg you to promise not to do things that put you in danger. You tell them you'll do your best. You don't like doing things that upset them, after all.

"I don't know what's wrong with me,” Etienne murmurs. “I feel hounded, I can't sleep. You're always so busy. Since the ritual and... since that... incident with Henri..."

"Are you guilty? Because of what happened?"

"I honestly just want to be alone," Etienne says. They are sitting at the desk about a yalm from you, but they're malms away. "So much has happened the last few moons. I need to figure it out."

"Do you mean traveling? I can't right now, with work -- and I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be on your own. I don't think you're alright on your own right now."

"True," Etienne says, lowering their head. They shuffle around in the desk, and your feel your face heat. Another bottle? Etienne whispers something, "You won't let me go," mayhap, and then. The letter opener.

Thank the Twelve you're a healer. Thank the Twelve you had the sedative. They beg you for it that night, after you stop the bleeding. They can’t sleep and they’re half mad, crying and ranting. And you take them to your co-worker Rosa in the morning. She takes Etienne away from you. Says they need to rest and recover under direct supervision. Etienne doesn't even want to see you at first, or perhaps it's that Rosa won't let you near them. She's the one who stipulated only short visits while Etienne recovers. She only lets you back after Etienne sleeps for two suns straight.

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

You remember the day you fell in love with Etienne. You both were sitting at the Quicksand. You had tea, they had orange juice, and another man sat down between you two at the table and made himself welcome. He asked you why you stuttered.

"While on the subject of questions, why are you so bloody rude?" Etienne asked. They said to you, "You don't have to answer that." And you smiled, feeling sunshine radiating out of every pore.

"I'm not the sort of man for relationships," Etienne said, later, as you walked down the streets of Ul'dah, over to the steps of the Ossuary. You offered to escort them to work, as though they needed it. "I've been through a lot. I don't even know if I can love anyone - it all seems like kind of a fool's errand, honestly. Men are... I've just met so many, many awful men."

You took their hand, and they look at you, surprised. "I can be patient," you promised them, "I can wait. I think you're worth it. I think you're worth trying for. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, thank you, I suppose," Etienne says, their lips twisting as they hold back skeptical laughter. "Let’s promise one another, though - let’s be honest with one another about how this going. If someone else catches your fancy, or I do something you don't like, please just tell me. You wouldn't believe how many times I got hauled out of a nobleman's bed by a surprised wife. As if it's my fault their marriage is falling apart! I don't want anything like that, alright? No silly secrets!”

"Promise."

“Not that I imagine we'll get married. I'm really not the type." Etienne laughs at the sky. “What am I doing?!”

Hello.

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Distance and the Heart

You were convinced that you’ll be fine on your own while he’s gone. After all, all you wanted to do was sit at home and watch BTS videos all day. Instead, you go on a ‘date’, break someone’s nose and dig an even deeper ‘Oh-shit-I-think-I-might-like-my-guardian-demon’ hole for yourself.

You should never be let outside again.

guardian demon!Jimin x reader

genre: slice of life, fluff, slow-burn, supernatural, comedy

word count: 8.1k (I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN)

Related works: Unorthodox | Genuine | 3AM Demon | The Grinch Who Stole New Year

A/N: well this got long....LOL UMM Hope you enjoy it! There’s more plot! And be aware of douchey guys! :DD

“You’re going where now?”

 “Think of it as a ‘performance evaluation’ meeting; you know, the kind you humans have with your boss to discuss how well or not you’ve been doing your job.” He replies back, adjusting the cuffs on his shirt as he stands before your full-length mirror. You try your hardest not to stare at him from your seat by your desk, in the middle of working on some assignments just to get ahead of yourself for the week, but you find your concentration wavering when your mind clearly found something way more interesting to study.

 Jimin is currently dressed in an all black ensemble; a black button down that’s tucked into his black slacks, allowing you the chance to see just how perfectly they hug his thighs and ahem ass. His silvery hair is immaculately coiffed as per usual and as he turns to shrug on the black blazer jacket, embroidered with intricate silver linings, you find yourself very distressed in your seat because your mind is telling you no but your body…. your body is saying hell yes.

 You whip your gaze away, embarrassed by your own thoughts and you hope that your guardian demon hasn’t noticed. Damn him for looking so good.

 “I’ll try to keep the visit short, but don’t be surprised if you don’t see me for a few days.” Jimin makes the final adjustments to his look, brushing away strands of hair that fall out of place over his forehead before turning to fix you with a stare.

 “Don’t worry, take all the time you need.” You encourage, hoping to feign indifference of his departure. It seems to not slip past him as Jimin’s plush lips curl into that damning smirk and to add more insult to injury, he languidly saunters over to you, instantly putting you on high alert.

 “Oh cherub, don’t you know I worry that you’ll probably die from missing me so much?” He singsongs and you blanch in response. “But just so you know, I’m only one call away; hell is completely toll free.”

 He removes his hand previously stuffed into his pocket to pat you on the head mockingly to which you swat at it before it even makes contact with a single strand of hair. You kiss your teeth, annoyed but he just throws his head back and laughs at you. You curse again because as much as you’re irritated, the tinkling sound never fails to make your heart race. 

 “Just go already; aren’t you going to be late or something?” You feebly mumble, turning back to stubbornly burn a hole into your laptop screen. You hear a muffled snort; some shuffling and you finally think you’ve got your deserved peace from this nuisance but then—

 “No kiss goodbye?” 

 On reflex, you hurl your seat cushion at his general direction, only for it to crash against your full length mirror noisily (you wince as little knick knacks nearby topples over from the force), the last remnants of his cackling fading into the air and the only thing you can do is huff out loudly, face blazing. But what you find the most frustrating thing however is that you’re not sure if it’s from anger or from the thought of imagining kissing said demon.

 -

 After about three hours, you shut off your laptop and place your pencil down to heave a big stretch with your arms high above your head. You wince at the kinks and pops of your joints but you’re satisfied with your finished work. Now you can relax and laze around all you want, maybe even catch up on a couple of RUN BTS episodes that you’ve sadly missed due to being so busy.

 “Hey! Y/N, wanna check out this cafe with me?”

 Or not…

 Jaehee’s voice calls out to your from her place by your door, phone in hand to showcase an instagram profile of said cafe she mentioned. You’re a bit hesitant to be honest, feeling like your energy is all spent from working on school stuff that all you wanted to do now was to essentially become a human rock. Jaehee picks up on it, having known you for a while but she must be desperate to get out because she persists.

 “C’mon Y/N! It’s still early and a Saturday plus I know you’re not working tomorrow either!”

 You’re caught in between the pros and cons of staying home or going out because although you’re definitely not opposed to going to a cute little cafe to maybe reward yourself with an iced coffee or latte, you definitely dread the thought of the process to getting yourself ready to look presentable to the world when you’re completely comfortable in your PJs. Your indecision shows and like a bloodhound, Jaehee hones in on it and with a last ditch effort of convincing you, she throws in some puppy-dog eyes and a pout.

 “Please? I really wanna check this place out with you.” 

 The loud sigh you let out is enough to have a smile break out widely on her face, needing no words to know that you’ve given in. With reluctance, you drag yourself up out of your chair to get changed.

 Guess BTS will have to wait a little longer.

 -

 Admittedly the cafe is pretty cute and this iced latte is great so you find the discomfort of being dragged out of the house disappearing. You’re having a good time, laughing at a work story Jaehee is telling you as you’re munching on some fancy looking pastries that should’ve been too good-looking to eat (but that sentiment quickly went away because Jaehee took too long taking photos of it from every angle).

 There’s a lull in conversation as Jaehee takes the time to type something out on her phone, you paying no mind as your attention is more on getting the last of this cheesecake in front you.

 “So Jason; you remember him right? He’s gonna stop by with a friend of his who just moved here to the city. Do you mind if they join us?”

 You’re caught like a deer in headlights, mouthful of delicious desserts. Half of you find that there’s no reason they shouldn’t be allowed but the other half is cringing at the thought of having to interact with people whom you know very little about (Jason has only been a recent thing in Jaehee’s life and from what little times you’ve hung out with him and Jaehee together, you still can’t quite figure out if he’s worth investing in before he’s replaced).

 Rationality wins out eventually, finding yourself no real good reason to say no so you bite the bullet. “Sure, I guess?"

 When you’re halfway through your latte, Jaehee’s phone vibrates and she picks up.

 “Hello?…. Oh you’re here? We’re just inside, come in!” She hangs up promptly with a smile and before you can ask or wonder more on it, the door opens and in walks two guys. You easily recognize one of them as being the one that Jaehee took to the Christmas party as a date so by process of elimination, the other is the friend from out of town.

 He’s quite plain looking; a mop of dark hair and with no striking feature catching your eye other than the fact that he seems quite tall and lanky (but the same can be said about everyone you basically meet). The duo approaches just as Jaehee waves them over, her date going in for a hug to which your friend reciprocates while his friend simply smiles politely on the side.

 “Jason! Glad you could make it, and you must be Mike right?”

 Mike smiles widely and offers a handshake for her, to which Jaehee takes naturally.

 “Yeah, nice to finally meet you.”

 “And this is my friend and roommate Y/N.”

 You smile, taking Mike’s outstretched hand to give a shake as well as giving a simple greeting. Conversations are taken over by Jaehee for a bit before you all collectively decide to leave and walk along the street where the cafe is located. The weather is nice, the air slightly crisp but the real cold was more of something to worry about once the sun goes down.

 You file out of the shop and begin your walk, Jaehee and Jason naturally pairing up to chat, which left you with Mike trailing after them from behind. Oh joy….

 Your heart is beating a little too hard in your chest for your liking, your small bouts of social anxiety creeping in at now being put in a position to make small talk with a total stranger, a skill you haven’t quite got the hang of in all of your twenty-some odd years of being alive.

 “This seems like a really nice place to hang out with your friends huh?” Luckily, Mike’s the first to strike up conversations with you. Pressure relieved, you plaster on a smile.

 “Yeah, most of the cafes and popular eating spots are here….” 

 And that’s pretty much all you get out. You’re starting to get sweaty.

 “What would you recommend here?” Mike persists, seemingly not bothered by what you feel is a conversation struggling to continue every other sentence. He still has a smile on his face which makes his otherwise ordinary features appear more attractive, and coupled by his earnestness to keep talking to you, the friendliness and outgoing characteristics of him becomes more apparent. You find yourself impressed by his efforts of keeping the awkwardness at bay.

 “Uh, I’ve only tried a few places. So far pretty good in my opinion.” 

 “So the cafe today was good then? Because what you were eating back there looks really delicious.”

 “Yeah, I guess. The cheesecake is all right.” 

 It pretty much continues with Mike obviously being the more animated out of the two you as he pretty much chats enough for you both. You find out he’s moved here to attend the local university, the same one Jason goes to and that’s how they became friends and that he’s only been here for a little over two weeks. You nod along, offering comments here and there and the last remains of heart palpitations are thankfully gone.

 “What’s Tsujiro?” Mike suddenly asks as his gaze wanders to a dessert place you’re coming up on. You pause, can’t help but think how the shop name as well known as Tsujiro could slip under someone’s radar at this point. However, you push it aside because who are you judge; maybe he came from a smaller city or town?

 “Oh, uh, it’s a Japanese dessert place; they mainly sell soft serve green tea ice cream in like, tall cups or small ones with other toppings and stuff.” 

 “Oh wow, I might actually want to try one out. Is it good?” He turns to you, bright eyed and you give a shrug and a wry smile.

 “It’s all right.” You say, voice cracking near the end from being unsure. Sure you liked it, but honestly found it too pricey for your taste. 

 You don’t tell Mike that though (who are you to stop him from wanting to try it out; who knows, maybe he’ll like it).

 It seems good enough for him because he makes a beeline into the shop and you call out to Jaehee and Jason to wait up. No sooner, Mike comes out and everyone comments on his chosen concoction from the store; a tall cup of what appears to be green tea smoothie, topped with more green soft serve, a cube of cheesecake (?), sprinkled with mochi and other sweet looking treats. It’s pretty to look at, but the price he tells you were anything but (you’re not surprised).

 Your group walks around a bit more until spontaneously deciding the grab dinner once Mike finishes up with his dessert (“not as good as it looked,” he chuckles disappointingly).

 The restaurant you decide to eat at however was thankfully. You all make good talk with one another, Jaehee, being the ever better socialite than you, does a good job at covering for you both (you have a sneaking suspicion it’s the alcohol you’ve all ordered with your meal). You feel like you’ve filled your quota of talks and keeping up with pleasantries in the face of strangers, though that doesn’t stop Mike from pulling you into conversations every now and then. You throw in a comment or two to suffice.

 Dinner wraps up nicely, the bill is split and you all get ready to leave: Jason with Mike and Jaehee with you. You think you’re in the clear, the slight alcohol enhancing the excited buzz you’re feeling about heading home until Mike calls out to you suddenly at what should’ve been the final exchanges of goodbyes.

 “Hey Y/N, is it okay if I have your number? Would be cool to see you again.”

 You blink, unsure of how to respond. You seldom give your number out to people you’ve only just met, unless the circumstances are called for (i.e. business related, appointment based, or if it’s long overdue if you keep seeing the person). Snobby or uptight aren’t words you would describe yourself with this, but perhaps a combination of pessimistic and realistic is more appropriate; you’ve long made peace with the fact that at this stage of your life, the chances of acquiring any more life-long friends is zero to none. Nine times out of ten, this will be just another number you’ll have to clear out.

 At the nudge of Jaehee’s shoulder, you’re knocked out of your stupor and the realization that you had probably been vacantly staring at him settles as an embarrassed blush on your cheeks. 

 “O-Oh, uh, you have iMessenger? That’s better to get in touch with me.” You awkwardly reach for your phone to pull up the app and Mike laughs good-naturedly, nodding. You exchange contacts and finally, with a breath of relief, you part ways. Not a moment sooner when you had turned the block to the direction of your house did Jaehee pounce on you.

 “So? What do you think of him?” She asks, trying to be on the sly with things but it’s obvious how eager she is to hear.

 “Think of who?”

 “Mike! Jason’s friend.” 

 “What about him?” You’re not seeing the significance of the question nor the person in question.

 “You know… do you think he's nice? Cool? …. Cute?”

 You nearly give yourself whiplash at Jaehee’s choice of questions, turning your gaze onto her expectant ones. You feel your face contort itself into a sort of half grimace and look of incredulity.

 “I only just met him? Like he’s nice, I guess…. Really friendly to people he just met— I don’t know.”

 Jaehee seems to deflate at your lukewarm response. “Really? That’s it?”

 “…. Yeah? Why?”

 She sighs, hand tugging to link arms with you. “Never mind.” 

 The rest of the walk home you’re confused but you’re too tired to really think too much on it at this point. So much so that once you’re in the house, your night routine all blurs together and you immediately fall asleep as soon as your head touches pillow.

 The next morning, you wake up with a groan, stretching your limbs but not quite ready to get up out of your cocoon of blankets just yet. You settle by grabbing your phone to mindlessly scroll through your social media, as one does when they’re intent to make Sunday their designated lazy day. You’re surprised to see a notification for your iMessenger, a face you’re not used to seeing. It takes a moment for it to register as the guy you met yesterday, Mike.

 “Did you two get home alright?” was his written message in the chat box, sent at a time you knew you’d been passed out in the sleep. You do him the courtesy to text back with an apology on the delayed response and that yes, you and Jaehee did make it home safely.

 You go on to open up your other apps, scrolling through your feed, which helps you wake yourself up, more often than not finding BTS content related things. You stop on a video clip compilation of Jimin laughing till he disappears out of frame and it makes you grin. How can someone so cute exist? You hit the ‘like’ button and as you proceed to scroll more, your thoughts shift to the next thing related to said idol.

 Speaking of, you wonder if your demon guardian Jimin-lookalike is back.

 You swivel your head as best you could but find not so much as whiff of the usual lavender and vanilla scent that never fails to follow him.

 Huh….

 You get out of bed eventually, making your way to the kitchen to fix yourself breakfast and find that the house is…uncharacteristically quiet.

 No, it’s always been this quiet. You correct yourself, because it’s true…or was true. Before….

 You huff a sigh, exasperated. Get your thoughts straight girl.

 You continue with your day, making up for the lazing around you missed. Every once in a while, your phone pings with a notification; another sent message by Mike. The conversation was nothing of interest, just more casual talks of what you’re doing and going off on that before the topic is changed, most often by Mike once you’ve ran out of things to say.

 It goes on like that for a couple more days. He messages first always, and you almost dutifully answer back out of courtesy. He truly does seem like a nice guy, polite and easy-going but as much as your conversations with him were good (at a least you think? There were times you’ve haven’t answered for days because you were being swamped with work and school but that still doesn’t deter him), they were still very surface level; not having gone past being ‘good acquaintances’…or more like ‘one-sided good acquaintances’ because you think you know more about him than he does you.

 However, as the days drag on, you find your interest in Mike fading altogether as more other pressing thoughts start to occupy your mind, creeping in and growing like mold.

 Where is your guardian demon?

 Jimin did say the meeting might take more than a few days but it’s almost been more than a week since he’d left. Do meetings in hell usually take this long? More so, why hasn’t the bastard texted you at all? He’s supposed to be your guardian and right now he’s technically neglecting his end of the contract.

 Wait, what are you saying?  

 You flail your limbs in frustration, lying in bed in the middle of the night. You had told yourself that you were going to be a decent human being and go to sleep at normal people time because you’re absolutely beat from the week’s work but instead of drifting off like you thought you would, you ended up reflecting back on the events and had come full circle to the one being who should’ve been your least concerned. 

 Even when he’s not physically there, he still manages to wiggle his way into your thoughts. Unbelievable.

 You drift off eventually, stubbornly muting any train of thoughts that somehow always seem to lead back to him. You wake up a little on the groggy side, as if you haven’t slept at all but it’s the weekend again so you’re not bothered in rushing to get up. Grabbing your phone, you tap it awake to find a message notification.

 Your heart races for a quick second before impassively dropping once your foggy mind has registered the name; it’s Mike. No devil…or demon to be spoken of here. The message preview looks like a good morning text and the beginnings of asking what are you up to and you don’t quite make it that far before brushing it away from the screen; you’ll answer later.

 You mosey along with your day contently, taking time to eating breakfast then getting lost on Youtube (to which you, without fail, ended up watching a bunch of BTS related videos from Vlives to Run episodes to Bangtan Bombs) and even being productive like getting ahead of your studies (though you literally spent a little under fifteen minutes on it but hey, progress is progress).

 It’s around late evening when Jaehee comes knocking on your door, phone in hand once again and a yet another proposition.

 “Hey, wanna head out for dinner with me, Jason and Mike tonight?”

 You blink back at her from your nest of pillows and blankets much like an owl, not giving her an immediate response. She stares right back at you and it would seem like you two were having a silent conversation but you have a sneaking feeling that Jaehee can already see your brain working through all the pros and cons of saying yes or no like you’re Doctor Strange seeing all the possible alternative universes in which to defeat Thanos.

 “Where to exactly?” You ask after a while with slight trepidation.

 “That new Korean BBQ place that just opened up.”

 Damn.

 She’s got you beat. You’ve been eyeing that place for a while now but just never had the time or occasion to go. Not only was it the first branch to finally open here from being exclusively abroad for so long, but the restaurant is only a few blocks down the street from where you and Jaehee live; a true miracle because you had always figured such a popular restaurant would be located more towards downtown (which meant having to commute via subway, ugh).

 And God must’ve cursed you with a gluttonous vice because your stomach rumbles like it had a say in whether you’re going or not, and by the looks of it, you most certainly are.

 So with a defeated sigh, and knowing that Jaehee most likely heard your traitorous stomach even from your doorway, you agree. 

 The two of you meet up with your companions at the restaurant since they were coming from the downtown area so this way it would be more convenient. Jaehee greets the boys enthusiastically, whereas you wave casually, more subdued.

 “Hey, Y/N! It’s been a while since we saw each other.” Mike smiles as he comes up to you. 

 “Uh, yeah it has huh?” You shift a little in place, but you hurriedly follow after Jaehee and Jason who’s already stepped into the restaurant to grab a table. Jason of course, slides in on the bench side with Jaehee…. Which leaves you and Mike on the chairs across. You inwardly sigh out in exasperation. You just want to get through dinner eating the most Korean BBQ you can and with as little small talk as possible.

 To your relief, it wasn’t difficult to do once the food starts rolling out and the grill starts sizzling. For the most part, it works because food is always a great distraction but then the drinks starts pouring and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t totally in love with grapefruit flavoured soju now. Luckily, most conversations stay group oriented and Jaehee takes the lead in most of them, so you bounce off of her topics to make it easier for you to not get stuck conversing with just Mike. 

 As the eating comes to an end and drinks only remain however, you’re left with very little to defend yourself with.

 “So did you see the new Venom movie?” Mike asks you with what you could assume was a playful nudge but all it does is nearly make you slosh your drink. You try not to let the annoyance show on your face as you strain to smile back. 

 “Ah, yeah I did. I watched it online.” You say off-handedly before downing your drink, the sweetness of grapefruit hiding the usual rubbing alcohol burn of the soju, making it far too easy to swallow. You muse absently about how dangerous that can be. 

 “What? Why didn’t you see it in theatres? It was a great movie!”

 It wasn’t that great. But it wasn’t that bad either. You think to yourself but you’re not in the mood to having an extensive discussion with him, head beginning to slightly throb, so you settle to just shrug.

 “I didn’t feel like it. Also, didn’t really have the time.” 

 “Hey, then when we get the chance, maybe we should go see one together.” Mike suggests. You’re about to give a reply that would underlie a soft let down or at least to not get his hopes up when Jaehee exclaims rather excitedly at the suggestion.

 “Oh my god yeah! We should! It’s been so long since I’ve actually went to see a movie in theatres.” 

 “I swear we went to one not too long ago…” Jason comments, trailing off as his thinks back on it.

 “That was in summer, and now it’s winter.” Jaehee turns back to you and Mike in front of her, her excitement not seeming to die down anytime soon as she blurts out a little too loudly. “It can be like a double date!”

 You nearly choke on the soju you’ve been sipping, covering it up hastily with the loud clearing of your throat and decidedly placing the glass down to reach for the cup of cold water instead. 

 “Woah you okay?” You feel Mike’s hand on your shoulder; the sudden contact makes your arm flinch in surprise. You hurriedly gulp down the water, letting the coolness wash over the rough patch in your throat before mustering up a stiff smile in assurance.

 “Y-Yeah, no, I’m fine! Just…. went down the wrong pipe is all.” Your voice comes out hoarse and you cough again to clear it, chuckling nervously. Jaehee laughs as if you just hadn’t nearly choked to death, though she refills your cup of water generously.

 “You need to slow down with that soju. Is it really that good?”

 “Yeah!” You jump on the chance to direct your attention elsewhere, “Really good! I like, almost finished this bottle by myself!” You forcefully laugh; feel your cheeks start to heat up, whether from said alcohol or embarrassment. You start to wonder belatedly if you should check with a mirror to see if you’ve gone as red as you usually do when drinking (boy would that be even more embarrassing!).

 “You know what, I need to go to the washroom. Be right back!” You hurriedly excuse yourself, the chair wobbling as you get up with a stumble.

 “Oh! I’ll come with you!” Jaehee volunteers as she jumps up from her seat, grabbing your arm and dragging you to the ladies’ room. After a quick trip of emptying your bladder, you finally get a look at your reflection as you wash your hands. You’re relieved to find that you’re not completely red, just the slightest shade of pink peeking through your foundation. You note with satisfaction of how high coverage it is.

 “Hey, Y/N!” Jaehee calls cheerfully to you as she steps out of her cubicle with a flush. She comes to stand next to you, bumping your hips before lathering her hands with soap and water.

 “What?” You ask more concentrated in your attempts at patting away some of the oiliness on your nose and chin.

 “I think Mike is really into you.” Jaehee teases, a sneaky smile sent your way but you’re not as amused by the idea as she is. You wrinkle your nose, face scrunching in the mirror in front of you.

 “Um, what makes you so sure about that?”

 “Don’t tell him I told you, but Mike messaged me before we headed out tonight. He said you and him have been hitting it off pretty well.” 

 You furrow your eyebrows because that’s not how you see it and you express that much. Jaehee gives you a look that says she thinks otherwise.

 “The guy’s just super nervous around you. He really wants to get to know you better. Hell, if I wasn’t seeing Jason, I would go for him.” You can see her efforts in trying to get you to sympathize and though you don’t have much to argue against Mike because he really does seem like a nice guy and hasn’t done anything wrong, you don’t feel…. a connection. At all.

 “I mean he’s nice…. I guess? And like we talk, but I just don’t really feel anything? I don’t know….” You reply half mumbling distractedly, not really knowing how to explain but also finding that you don’t really care.

 “Is it because of that other guy who saved you?”

 You swear the speed in which you turn to Jaehee nearly knocks you off your own feet, heart thudding loudly against your ribcage that you have no time to discern if it’s from the alcohol or the thought of your Jimin impostor guardian demon.

 “W-What? Um, no! He’s—We’re not— I mean there’s nothing between us!” You get out, voice raising a little too high that it startles some other ladies who walked in. You shrink back as Jaehee lets out cackles and gives a hearty smack to your back, jerking you forward from the force. She startles you again by abruptly stopping midway to dramatically gasp, eyes wide and gleaming in a way that makes you nervous because inebriated Jaehee is often times too brash and too impulsive for her own good.

 “What if you just…. talk to him?” 

 “Who? Ji—?“ You almost make the mistake of saying his name aloud but you had lit Jaehee to cover for you, even if it was unintentional. 

 “Mike! You need to talk to him…alone.” She cuts you off, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

 “I— I don’t get it…?” 

 “You need to get a feel for him in person! And this is only the second time you’ve met and it’s always with me and Jason! No wonder you’re not connecting properly!” 

 “H-Huh?” You’re slow on the follow up because you thought you were still talking about Jimin?

 “I’ll tell you what!” Jaehee laser focuses on you and instinctively, your shoulder hunches up to brace for impact. “Why don’t I leave with Jason so we could give you some alone time?”

 You blink in disbelief and Jaehee pouts at your lack in response. 

 “C’mon, Y/N! How about just…thirty minutes? Yeah, thirty minutes! If you’re not feeling him even then…. then you can leave and I’ll never speak of it again."

 You think that’s about as good as it’s going to get with Jaehee and your mind processes and contemplates it as well. It’s not ideal but you don’t see any harm in chatting a guy one on one for thirty minutes, if it means you could say at least you tried and it’ll put this entire thing to rest once and for all.

 “Okay, fine.” You sigh out with reluctance. “Thirty minutes but that’s it.”

 Jaehee squeals and nods obviously pleased and with one last fluff to her hair, she pulls you out of the washroom and back to your table. Jason and Mike are unsurprisingly chatting it up and having a great time with each other (so much so that you think ruefully that maybe they should be left alone). But at yours and Jaehee’s approach, their attention is drawn, both shooting smiles.

 “Oh you’re finally back.” Jason remarks, “We got another bottle of grapefruit soju since it’s pretty good.” He picks up the green bottle to give it a shake. Jaehee however, makes to pull him up and out of his seat. He follows obediently, although a bit puzzled.

 “Oh sorry, I just remembered I have something to give you Jason so we need to get going.” Jaehee smiles blindingly, cheeks puffing up and eyes creasing as she continues to tug at Jason. “But hey, how about Mike and Y/N finish the bottle? We’ll get the bill this time, our treat! So you just take your time okay?"

 “Oh, uh, sure? If that’s okay?” Mike shifts his eyes to you as you awkwardly shuffle over to make way for the other couple. Your eyes dart to him, a nervous laugh bubbling past your lips as you rub your neck.

 “Y-Yeah, thanks Jaehee…Jason... No worries... I like grapefruit soju….”

 “Great! Then we’ll get going, it was nice seeing you again Mike! Bye Y/N, text me!” And before you know it, Jaehee zips off with Jason in tow and mentally you brace yourself; no doubt that this will probably be the longest thirty minutes of your life.

 Okay, Y/N relax. Just have a casual talk with this guy for thirty minutes and then you can leave and go to sleep. It’s not that deep. You think to yourself as you slide into the bench seat across from Mike who cracks open the bottle and graciously fill your glass for you. You take it with a smile and as he raises his up for you to clink against, you do so before downing it without hesitation, the drink still chilled enough that it seems to cool your nerves.

 Your conversations with Mike were as you had predicted; nothing of interest to note. You talked movies; about the food you just ate which lead to food preferences to other interests that you don’t go too in depth with (at least on your behalf, Mike doesn’t seem shy on talking about how he’s really into cars). 

 Eventually, you make the conscious decision of stopping yourself from taking anymore shots of soju because you realized by the second and a half glass, you’re starting to faintly feel the creeping affects of the alcohol, a light misting of inebriation blanketing your mind causing you to find it difficult to recall how much time has passed. So when Mike had offered to refill your glass, you politely decline. The bottle was still a little more than halfway done, and though Mike attempts to get you to help him out, you were steadfast in sobering up by the time you get to leave.

 Besides, the alcohol is starting to mess with your sense of judgment in which you can actually feel the deterioration of a rather vital thing to your conscious; a filter.

 Which brings you to eyeing your phone surreptitiously from under the table, what should’ve been just a peek to read Jaehee’s text reminding you to call her if you needed anything, turned into a rapidly growing curiosity of ‘what-ifs’ that involve a certain demon.

 What if you just…talk to him?

 You’re hearing Jaehee’s words echo in your head, though you swear somewhere in the back of your mind they’re way out of context. But the point of it remains; what would happen if you were to send a text to him? Would he be annoyed? Would he text back? Hell, you don’t even know if he’s still alive! What if his boss was unsatisfied with his work and just straight up burned him to a crisp with the infernal flames of hell?! Oh my god! Why haven’t you thought of that before?! Now it’s been over a week since you’ve last heard of him you’re so stupid—!

 “Hey, Y/N!” 

 “…Huh? Oh? Sorry did you say something?”

 Mike, who stares at you with a rather glazed look, pulls you from irrationally making one direct call to hell. A quick glance at the soju bottle tells you he’s made good work on it, coming down to the last glassful. A little pink in the face but he still looks way better than you would if you'd down that much soju. 

 “I was askin’ if you had a boyfriend.”

 Oh.

 “Um…’s been a while; got too busy with school and work.” 

 “So…do I have a chance with you?”

 …. HUH?

 You freeze, doing a double take. “W-What?”

 “You know, a chance to be with you…"

 Okay so you didn’t hear wrong. That still doesn’t mean you know how to respond to that appropriately. You didn’t want to hurt him because you’re sure it’s liquid courage that’s making him ask this, also the fact that he hasn’t done anything to upset you.

 “Aha…whoa uh,” You flounder through a nervous laugh because you’d rather get some sort of response out instead of remain silent. “I uh, I…dunno…?” 

 “What’s not to know?” He asks rather boldly and you’re completely taken aback. “I thought we had somethin’ goin’ on.” 

 “H-Hey, I think you’re a nice guy, but I don’t think I'm really looking for a relationship right now. I’m sorry if I lead you on somehow.” 

 “So would you ever love me?”

 Now you’re speechless, can’t really believe just how fast things have snowballed that it almost has your mind sobering up in an instant. You’ve tried your best to let him down gently but it’s like it’s not getting through to him. Perhaps you should take it as a sign as your cue to leave.

 “Uhh…I think I should go. You should go too! It’s…late. It’s been nice.” You slide out from the other side, clutching at your purse and phone. Your heart’s pounding in your chest again and you can feel it pulsing in your ear too. You fumble with shaky fingers to type in your phone’s lock code, getting it wrong twice before getting it right to tap on Jaehee’s number. You press the phone close to your ear, letting the dial tone ring as your feet take you out of the restaurant and onto the streets. The chilly night air does wonders in further clearing your mind but it also makes you painfully aware of how hot your face still feels.

 “Hey Y/N! How’s the date going?” Jaehee’s cheery voice comes through after the third ring. 

 “H-Hey Jaehee! Uh..um…I wouldn’t say well…? He might have had too much to drink so he sorta—“ You’re speed walking in the direction of your home, completely tunnel visioning so you fail to notice a pair of heavy footsteps fast approaching you from behind. A force almost knocks you over; you stumble forward in a mess of legs, fighting to stay upright the same time you feel your phone being ripped out of your grasp.

 “Jaehee? Is that you? Y-Yeah everythin’s okay! I’m okay! Y/N’s takin’ me home now, drank too much haha! She’s just lettin’ ya know! Yeah, yeah no don’t worry! Okay bye!” 

 By the time you’ve righted yourself, Mike’s hung up on Jaehee with the bullshit he’s spewed. You’re absolutely livid when you turn on him with a glare so piercing you’d think Jimin would be proud.

 “What's wrong with you?!” You yell out, trying to snatch your phone back but Mike who’s significantly taller than you, easily keeps it at bay with minimal effort. It only makes you fly more into a blinding rage.

 “W-Wait! Let’s head back to my place and chill?”

 “Like hell I would! Give me back my phone!” 

 “At least walk with me to the subway?” 

 You’re heaving with effort, energy exerted from your fail attempts at getting your phone and your pause to catch your breath must’ve made him think you were going to agree to his request because he’s looking at you hopefully. You wanted to laugh in his face but you’d rather face the devil himself at this point than be with this guy for another minute.

 “I’ll call you an Uber! Now give me my phone!” You seethe.

 “C’mon Y/N, don’t be like that. I’ve been nice to you so can you at least—“

 You swear steam is coming out of your ears at this point, your hands shaking at the audacity and just when you’ve locked in your choice to rugby tackle him with all your body mass, another voice cuts through the both of you.

 “I do believe the young lady said no.” His drawl is a bone-chilling calm that you could almost feel the temperature drop even further by it. 

 Under the flickering street lamp’s light, you catch a wisp of black smoke; the tendrils trail before fading out of sight over Mike’s shoulder. You follow it up until you reach Mike’s hand — the one holding your phone — where you see extra digits wrapped firmly around his wrist, nails digging into the skin. Mike’s head whips behind him alarmed, to reveal the shockingly beautiful face you’ve come to know.

 Jimin stands unperturbed behind Mike who visibly struggles against his hold, even when Jimin is at least a good inch shorter than him. His face an inscrutable mask and eyes swirling a deep garnet, the only thing betraying his utter displeasure.

 “H-Hey what the fuck man! Who are—ARGH!!” Mike’s exclamations turns into a howl of pain at the sounds of a crack, hand dropping your phone to which Jimin smoothly catches and lets him crumple to the ground to cradle his wrist. You step back to avoid being in his line of falling, mouth gaping and trying to catch up with what just happened. So far, you’ve only registered that Jimin is here.

 “Darling you’ll catch flies if you keep that up.” Jimin tuts, stepping over Mike’s curled up body. He takes your hand and places your phone in it and you’re in such disbelief that you nearly drop it. He still looks immaculate as ever, dressed in an all black except this time he’s wearing a cozy looking turtleneck under a leather jacket and fitted jeans. His hair is styled in the usual way it is — coiffed with a few strands hanging over his forehead with such volume that it made you envious— but you’re shocked to see that it was no longer plain silver; there’s a blueish tint to it now. The sight mesmerizes you.

 Jimin goes to say something teasing, you just know it as you see the upturn corner of his mouth but before he can get it out, a shuffling and a grunt from behind makes his face drop back into the frighteningly stony mask again, plush lips drawn into a line. You see Mike stumble to his feet, still clutching at his wrist while trying to burn a hole into the back of Jimin’s head. 

 It was then that you realize that Mike, a human much like yourself, is staring directly at Jimin and now that you think about it, he had also addressed Jimin when he first appeared just as he does now.

 “W-Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Mike growls. Jimin merely scoffs; you don’t need to see his face to know he’s probably rolled his eyes. But instead of addressing the angry man, Jimin slaps on a benevolent smile your way and begins to usher you.

 “Come darling, you must be cold standing out here and we really ought to get—“ He cuts himself off by reaching up and catching a flying fist aimed at him. You gasp out in shock at the speed and the suddenness of Mike actually having the balls to try to throw a punch. Eyes wide, you look up to gauge Jimin’s reaction to find that yes, he looks pissed; jaw clenched and eyes burning with hellfire itself.

 You let out a surprise yelp as Jimin clamps down on Mike’s fist and with little effort, flips him and begins to drag him off, heading to an alley concealed by shadows. You scurry after him after snapping out of your initial shock, panicked and stuttering out words incoherently because you are not going to have another dead body on your conscious, at least not someone who you actually knew no matter how douche-y he turned out to be.

 “I’ll break your other wrist, and then your legs, and then your neck. And if you want a tour of hell, come back three more times.” You hear Jimin spit out between gritted teeth, but you highly doubt it got through to Mike who’s too busy writhing, screaming and cursing from the ground.

 “Jimin! Wait, I said no killing! Jimin! Hey, you jerk! Listen to me!” You had to yell over Mike’s voice, wondering how it is that you guys haven’t woken up the whole neighbourhood yet as you push against Jimin’s very firm chest to get him to halt in his tracks.

 “Sweetie, not now. I need to enact the Lord’s good graces and teach this petulant human some manners.” 

 “That does not make any sense! And—SHUT UP!” The incessant yelling from Mike finally gets to you, having heard enough of his voice for the night as you impulsively deliver an adrenaline filled kick to his face. He knocks out immediately.

Jimin drops his hold on Mike’s fist with an unceremonious thump, bewildered. “Way to kill steal from me, pumpkin.”

 You gasp loudly, nerves shaken from what you just did and what Jimin has just told you as a new wave of rising panic sets in. “O-Oh my god did I actually kill him?! Is he dead?! I didn’t mean—!”

 Your demon guardian throws his head back, a boisterous laughter escaping him as he folds in on himself. You jump back startled and could only stare on in silent horror because of course he would find this funny and would be of no help!

 “J-Jimin! This isn’t funny! What are we gonna do now?!” 

 “Relax darling…” He finally wheezes out, straightening himself up while wiping the corner of his eyes. “He’s not dead, unfortunately; just K.O’ed by a swift kick to the face. Probably broke his nose though so good job on that.” 

 You gape like a fish out of water and all he does is stare back at you with the lingering traces of a fond smile that has your traitor of a heart skipping a beat. Damn him!

 “You—!” You start, huffing and puffing and though words escape you, your fists don’t as you land a hit on his chest. He takes it with little resistant, relenting himself as you let out your pent up frustrations. “You stupid jerk and your pretty stolen face! Just showing up like you own the place without even saying anything to me for more than a week! And then let some other stupid jerk try to get a jump on me! Some guardian demon you are! I could’ve just handled it all myself!” 

 You tire yourself out by the time you’re done your tirade, strength leaving your arms as they slap uselessly against the leather of his jacket until you stop altogether. Jimin’s quiet, the quietest you think he’s ever been. You refuse to make eye contact with him, staring determinedly down on his shiny black loafers but instead of some snarky comment about owing him for using him as a punching bag, you hear a shuffle of movement and then something heavy drapes over your shoulder, a waft of all too familiar vanilla lavender smell easing whatever remaining tension left in your body.

 Your gaze automatically whips up to his. He busies himself securing the jacket to you before his eyes wander to meet yours; the soft brown colour that stares back comforts you.

 “You’ve had a rough night darling, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there. So I’ll forgive you for beating up my Saint Laurent jacket and we’ll call it even?” 

 For a moment, you thought of scowling him and his love for name brand things but all you really want to do now is go home and fall asleep, so you nod softly, giving in. Jimin lets out a quiet chuff of amusement, hand coming up to stroke your hair with a gentleness that has your heart aching with the disgruntlement that you do miss having him by your side.

 “Y/N!” A shout freezes you up like cold water being dumped over your head as you whip towards the source of the call. To your astonishment, you see a familiar face running towards you, her figure unmistakable and as she draws nearer, you can see clearly who it is.

 It’s Jaehee.

 She slows to a stop, panting heavily from how hard she must’ve ran, shoulders slumped as she braces herself on her knees but even then she’s still trying to muster out words in between gasps of breath. “You called and….suddenly Mike was on the phone! Saying how he drank too much? That you were taking him home! And I just…I had such a bad feeling I had to… Are you okay?!”

 Jaehee makes to lunge at you but stops midway as she finally notices your frozen, wide eyed appearance and you see with pinpoint accuracy the way her eyes trail from your face to your shoulders to the extra hand on your shoulder all the way up to Jimin who is quite at a loss for words as well. 

 You watch with baited breath as she squints up at him with a gaze so fixated on analyzing him, a myriad of emotions flitting across her own face before she utters.

 “Have I…seen you from somewhere?”

[hxseok-honee]

i found | part 3

a/n: here’s part 3! cant have everyone thinking yoongi’s just a grade A asshole for too long, amirite? also huge major serious fucking creds to @deepseavibez for being one of my most cherished friends and for reading and proof-reading and helping me put my fuckin plot together for this au and just generally dealing w my annoying ass when i have ideas and rant for too long to her even though shes got her own life and probs doesnt wanna be dealing w me screaming in her DMs at like 3am <333 

i hope you guys like it! let me know what you think???

previous | next

Yoongi tosses his phone on the bed beside him, sighing heavily after sending his last text. He figures it’ll be enough to keep Y/n from texting him again, so he settles deeper into his comforter, reaching out lazily to pull the curtains shut around his bed. He knows his roommates will be back soon, and it’s just easier to pretend he’s sleeping than to actually interact with them. Leaning back until his head hits the pillow, he throws an arm over his face, letting it block the light from his eyes as he sighs again, a habit after all these years.

His other hand skims the bed until his fingers brush over the cold surface of his phone, and he lifts the device to his face to set his alarm. It might be the middle of the day, but the last time he didn’t set his alarm while relaxing in bed, he had woken up several hours later very dazed and frankly kind of pissed.

The backlight of his phone glows brightly in his face, and it’s through squinted eyes that he realizes he really hasn’t received any sort of reply from Y/n. After setting his alarm, Yoongi reads through their conversation, noticing just how much she likes to talk and ask questions. He wonders when she became this way or maybe if she’d always been like that. She used to be almost terrified of talking to him; it seems like even now she’s only really this enthusiastic over text, keeping her distance in the few instances he’d seen her this weekend.

Turning onto his side, he curls up a bit and tucks his phone under his pillow. Still wondering how his impression of Y/n could have been so inaccurate, Yoongi drifts off to sleep without even realizing it.

-

The back left corner of the library has always been his favorite. No one ever comes to the back left corner. The back right corner is always surprisingly full, but it’s far away enough that he doesn’t notice those people whispering. The back left corner is always empty. Almost everyone knows that it belongs to him- maybe that’s why no one ever risks coming back here. That’s fine by him, he needs his space to think anyway. Everything’s easiest when there are no distractions, when he can just get his work done without having to pretend to be someone else.

He’s been there for almost two hours now, finally about to finish up his potions homework, when the chair in front of him moves back. Looking up sharply, his eyes meet those of a girl he barely recognizes, a face he’s only seen in the corridor between classes. The only thing that stands out is the bright yellow scarf around her neck, very noticeable against her otherwise plain outfit. She’s no one particularly outstanding, just another student in his year. They’ve never interacted before, there was never any reason to- so why is she doing this?

She sits down in front of him, placing her bag next to her on the table. She pulls out a textbook and her parchment, not even bothering to acknowledge him as she sets up. It’s only when she’s pulled out her water bottle and taken a sip that she looks at him. He’s been watching her the whole time, one eyebrow raised as he observes this unexpectedly brazen girl invade his space. They make and keep eye contact, taking each other in silently for a long moment. Eventually she smiles softly, leaning in to speak to him. Yoongi fixes his stare on her, transforming his cautious gaze into a cold one and hoping it’s enough to cue her in to the fact that he doesn’t want to speak to her. She doesn’t take the hint.

“You’re Yoongi, right? I’m Y/n!” Yoongi stares down at her a moment longer, trying to decide how he should respond. Before he can say anything, however, she’s averting her gaze and leaning away from him, clearing her throat as she opens her textbook. Yoongi smirks to himself, satisfied in knowing he’s made her uncomfortable. He returns to his own work, trusting that her discomfort will keep her at bay at least until he’s finished.

They work silently for about another hour, minding their own work as if the other wasn’t even there. Yoongi keeps his eyes on his papers, making his way quickly through his potions work. His transfiguration essay, however, takes much longer and, after half an hour of flipping through pages and stopping himself from sighing loudly, he closes his books and stands, starting to pack up. He notices Y/n now has her headphones in and seems to be in a similar state of distress. Glimpsing quickly at her textbook, he realizes she’s struggling with her potions homework, the same one he just completed as a matter of fact.

Yoongi runs his fingers over the parchment containing his answers, so easily formulated and scribbled onto the sheet, as he watches her struggle to get even the first question figured out. He stares down at her, long enough that she must have noticed his stalled presence because before he knows it, she’s glancing up at him through her eyelashes. He blinks at her once, then twice, then without a single word he grabs his bag and leaves. He thinks maybe this is the first and only time they’ll interact, so what’s the point in even saying anything to her? Soon enough his thoughts of her are gone, and he carries on with the rest of his day as normal.

-

Yoongi is moving down the corridor, a force of pure anger and destruction. The hand that grips the strap of his bag is bruised, and there is cut in the corner of his mouth that looks more painful than it is. The rest of the students in the corridor, almost sensing the mood he’s in before they even see him, are moving out of his way as quickly as they can. Everyone knows, either first-hand or based on reputation alone, what the wrath of the Slytherin Prince can do. Although it’s mainly the Gryffindors that like to challenge him to impromptu fist fights, ditching their wands entirely because they all know of how he excels magically, there are a surprising amount of Slytherins that like to create problems with him. Yet another one of those cases, Yoongi of course made it clear that he would never back down or lose, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t in a really foul mood afterwards. Everyone knows this. Everyone stays away. Everyone except her.

He hears her before he even sees her. Well, he hears a group of people, all making excessively loud noises and running down the corridor ahead of him. Their laughter bounces off the castle walls, a herd of friends all running together. They come around the corner, almost running him over as he’s walking. They’re a mismatched group, all in different houses and maybe even different years. He’s seen this group before, always together and always so lively. It’s only now, however, that he’s realizing the contexts in which he’s previously seen his mysterious study partner from the day before.

Y/n comes around the corner last and much later than the others, startling him the most. He’d managed to avoid getting hit by the group of boys as they came around the corner, and he had thought he was in the clear. He isn’t expecting to see her running after them, pointing her wand at them and shooting hexes at their shoes. Apparently she isn’t expecting him either, too caught up in chasing her friends to realize other people could be in her path. She slams right into him, almost knocking him over, and in the moment he’s glad he happened to turn down an empty corridor, away from the crowded one he just walked through. His chest takes the brunt of the hit, knocking the wind out of him slightly, but luckily none of her flying hexes have hit him so he isn’t too annoyed. He’s more shocked than anything, but so is she.

“Y-Yoongi… Hi…” He stares down at her, recognition flashing over his features before he’s pursing his lips and averting his gaze with a roll of his eyes. “Oh! What’s that on your lip- are you okay?” His eyes flick back to her, taking her in as she examines his wound. He’s almost settled on watching her until she becomes uncomfortable again, but she’s reaching for his lip with one finger. On nothing but pure instinct and some leftover desire to fight, Yoongi steps back as she reaches for him, bringing his arm up and smacking her hand away almost a little too aggressively. She draws her arm back immediately, curling the offending limb into her chest as she stares up at him with wide eyes. He almost feels kind of bad, but before he has a chance to think too deeply about it, she’s apologizing.

“Ah, sorry about that. It was just kind of my instinct to try to help. I won’t pry anymore, I’m sorry. You should get it cleaned it up or something, though. Uh- bye!” And then she’s gone, leaving him there, completely rooted to the spot as he stares at the space where she once was. Shaking his head slowly, he shifts his bag higher on his shoulder and keeps making his way down the corridor, wondering if meeting her twice in two days so suddenly like this was more than a coincidence.

-

Yoongi sighs softly as he walks down the corridor, a small cloud of condensation appearing when he does so. It’s late, and the castle has never been well insulated, so the air around him is particularly chilly. He looks around at the paintings as he walks, all of them fast asleep. This whole castle seems to be fast asleep. Yet he never seems to be able to reach that point. Wandering the castle at night without detection is something he’s gotten quite good at, and it’s helped him find some really quiet corners for when he just needs to get away.

He’s on the 7th floor now, much farther from the dungeons than he expected to be, but it’s not like he has anything better to do anyway. He rounds the corner but almost immediately steps back into the darkness when he sees the telltale light of a prefect’s wand a little ways away.

“Shit…” He mumbles quietly to himself as he turns to head back where he came from, but he’s stopped short at the presence of another human. Y/n is making her way toward him slowly, taking in the paintings on the wall and taking her time wandering, just the same as him. She hasn’t seen Yoongi yet, which gives him time to locate the small opening in the wall that he found a few weeks prior, a tiny little entryway that leads to nowhere- a place to hide.

He slips into the space, pressing his back as far into the wall as he can, and decides to wait it out. He’s only there for a few moments before he realizes the entire situation- Y/n will be caught the moment that prefect turns the corner. Holding back the sigh that’s threatening to escape, Yoongi thinks about his options. Does he let her get caught? It would be the easiest choice, it’s not his business whether she gets caught or not. He should really only care about himself. But what if it’s one of the Slytherin prefects? He knows the two boys in his year that were chosen to rule the castle at night- they’re not likely to just let her off with a point deduction. Should it matter? They can’t do anything too harsh to her, they have a specific set of instructions to follow. But it would still be unpleasant, especially if he has to stand there witnessing the entire thing.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yoongi sees her. She’s still wandering slowly, not even realizing what she’s about to get herself into as she enjoys her midnight stroll. But Yoongi knows it’s only a matter of seconds until the prefect rounds the corner, so without a second thought he reaches out into the darkness and takes hold of her wrist, his other hand clamping down over her mouth to muffle any noise she makes. He pulls her into the small space, keeping his hand over her mouth as he drags her closer to him.

Y/n looks up at him with wide eyes, surprise evident all over her features. He releases her completely, silently cursing the fact that they are currently a lot closer together than he would have liked. He didn’t think this through properly. He brings one finger up to his mouth to tell her not to speak, and luckily she listens because in that moment a bright light starts to shine down the corridor. Yoongi grabs her elbow and drags her further back into the space, effectively trapping her between his body and the wall. He waits until the light is gone, the prefect moving away from them and down the corridor, before he separates himself from her.

Moving to the entrance, he peeks his head out and watches the prefect round another corner before turning on her.

“What are you doing here?” Y/n makes a noise of surprise, pointing at herself as if to check that he’s actually speaking to her. He raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever spoken to me…” Yoongi blinks and averts his gaze, realizing that it really is the first time he’s opened his mouth around her. He looks back at her sharply.

“You could have gotten caught. And then I would have had to listen while you got scolded. Don’t wander around so carelessly, it’s annoying.” Y/n nods silently at him, still staring up at him with wide eyes. He sighs and rolls his eyes, stepping back out into the corridor. “Go to bed, Y/n. It’s late.” He turns and starts to leave, but a hand gripping the back of his shirt stops him. He looks down at her with a frown.

“Thank you… for helping me.” Yoongi tries not to look surprised, certain that no one at this school has ever thanked him for anything. But he doesn’t say a single word- he just pulls his shirt from her grasp and walks away.

-

When Yoongi arrives at the back left corner of the library, he’s shocked to find it’s not empty. Y/n has her back to him, her headphones in as she taps one foot to an unheard beat. Even down the aisle he can see she’s working on potions again, the textbook open next to her on the table. He considers leaving her here, finding another place to work for just today, when she sighs loudly. Her frustrations with the homework are obvious, a hand coming up press itself against the side of her head as she puts her quill down and starts flipping pages in the book angrily. With a roll of his eyes, Yoongi approaches her slowly and hovers over her, staring down at the answers she’s managed to write into the packet. She notices him almost immediately, her wide eyes trailing up to rest on him as he ignores her and focuses on her work. She pulls an earbud out to acknowledge him.

“When did you get here?” Without meeting her eyes, Yoongi leans forward and plants his pointer finger on one of her answers.

“This should be lionfish spines.” She glances down at the spot he’s pointing to, her curling handwriting showing ‘leech juice’. She turns her gaze on him again, her eyes combing over his features which are now much closer than before.

“Huh?” His eyes flick over to her quickly before turning down to her textbook. He reaches for it, flipping several pages before he stops and taps lightly on the image of lionfish spines staring back at him.

“Lionfish spines. You’re looking for the final ingredient to add to the Wiggenweld Potion, which-” He leans toward her again, tapping down on a different answer she had written. “-is actually a potion that reverses the effects of the Draught of Living Death. It’s a healing potion, not a transformative one. Make sure you change that.” When he’s done he stands again, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder as he moves to the other side of the table and takes his place across from her. He does everything silently, as if deciding he’s reached his word limit for the day and is now going to ignore her. When he’s done setting his transfiguration textbook on the table he glances up at her, blinking when he realizes she’s staring at him.

“What?”

“So you just have all that information in your brain like that?” He furrows a brow at her, choosing to turn his attention back to his books with a shake of his head as he answers her.

“It’s called studying. You should try it some time instead of guessing all your answers.”

“Will you tutor me?” His head shoots up again as he stares at her incredulously, shocked

that she isn’t even affronted by his very obvious insult. She’s leaning toward him, an excited gleam in her eye. Yoongi frowns at her.

“No.” She frowns back, a pout taking over her whole face.

“Please? I’ll pay you…” He scoffs at her, trying to end the conversation as he dips his quill into his inkpot and starts to take notes from his textbook.

“I don’t want your money.”

“So you’ll tutor me for free?”

“Definitely not.”

“So what can I do?”

“Find someone else.”

“But you’re so smart!”

“I’m aware, thank you.”

“Please, Yoongi? Please?” He slams his hand down on the table, giving Y/n a look that shocks her into silence. It’s a look he reserves for when he’s about to start a fight, and he knows she recognizes it when she averts her gaze and draws her hands into her lap as she stares down at her homework. He stares at her for a moment longer, regretting his choice to even approach her today, when he realizes how much he’s actually scared her.

She’s reaching for her quill, wrapping two shaky fingers around it and dragging it over to her page, where she scratches her answers out quietly and carefully. Watching her, he understands the effect his reputation is having on her as he guesses that she’s probably also regretting coming here today. Rolling his eyes and turning his head to stare out the window, he contemplates the feeling that’s settling in his stomach as he stares down at the Black Lake. He’s probably just terrified the only person that wasn’t already scared of him, the only person who’s treated him like any other student up to this point. As much as he’s learned not to care about anyone else in his time here, there’s something about the way she reacted to him that leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He shuts his eyes and sighs again, turning back to his work after a short moment. When he glances at her, however, he realizes she’s started packing her things up slowly and quietly, making an effort not to disturb him. She stands and, without looking at him, reaches for her bag, which sits on the table between them. Before he can rethink his decision, his hand comes down on it, causing her to jump slightly at his sudden movement. She meets his eyes now, her own wide and cautious. He brings the same hand up and flips it, his palm reaching out to her.

“Give me your phone.”

“H-huh?” His eyes narrow as he challenges her to keep him waiting. She doesn’t. Once he has the device in his hand, he types his number into it quickly and texts himself, only sliding her phone back to her when he feels a familiar vibration in the back pocket of his jeans. He doesn’t even look at her when he bids her farewell, turning back to his essay.

“Don’t forget to fix those answers I gave you.”

-

The blaring call of Yoongi’s alarm sounds through his dreams, bringing him back to the present. Muting the noise, he rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, sighing softly as he recalls the beginning of their in-person interactions last year. He had ended up tutoring her slightly, but he could tell she hadn’t utilized his phone number as much as she probably needed. She had called him a few times in the course of frantically studying for exams, and he had given her as much information as she had asked for, never less or more. Her grade still suffered a bit in the end, so he doesn’t know if she’ll be taking the second NEWT course this year, but he had done his part. And she hadn’t abused access to his phone number over the summer like he had half been expecting her to- but it seems this year she just might.

Reaching for his phone again, Yoongi opens their text thread again, skimming over his last message to her, over three hours old at this point.

I didn’t realize you were this annoying.

Yoongi sighs, surprisingly loudly this time, as he rips open the curtain around his bed and leans over to slip his shoes on. Glancing over at the clock sitting on his bedside table, he sees it’s just about time for dinner and decides to head out. Making his way through the common room without acknowledging a single person, he heads toward the stairs that will lead him up from the dungeons to the Great Hall. When he gets to the top of the stairs, however, he all but crashes into someone coming around the corner and heading in the same direction as him. Turning to look at the person, he only has time to register the yellow scarf before he hears her.

“Oh! Sorry about th- Oh.” Yoongi turns fully, meeting Y/n’s eyes as he looks down at her, their proximity making things a bit difficult. She steps back to distance herself from him, and he can’t help the frown that etches itself lightly into his features when she pointedly averts her gaze to a spot just over his shoulder, breaking eye contact with him.

“Y/n…” He doesn’t know what he wants to say, or why he feels the need to say anything at all, but he doesn’t even get the chance to start before she’s speaking.

“About earlier… Sorry I bothered you so much. I figured we might be at a point where I could just talk to you normally, but I see that’s not the case. I got the message, so don’t worry about it.” He blinks rapidly at her, trying to absorb the vibe she’s giving him. It isn’t anger, or hostility, but it certainly doesn’t feel like the warmth that usually radiates off of her, or even the mild hesitation she shows around him sometimes. He can’t pinpoint it, but he doesn’t think he likes it.

She must be taking his silence as an acknowledgment because she’s starting to move past him without another word and toward the Great Hall. He doesn’t think he likes this either. Turning as she passes him, he reaches out and wraps a cold hand around her wrist, stopping her in front of the Entrance Hall.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He sees the confusion passing over her face, and the embarrassment that floods over him prompts him to look away. He still has his hand around her wrist, but he doesn’t know what else he wants to say. He doesn’t know why he’s keeping her there.

Do I really feel that bad about this?

“Yo, Y/n! There you are- oh.” Yoongi glances over his shoulder and finds one of her friends coming down the stairs behind them, a fifth year Gryffindor. He realizes how bad the situation must look, the Slytherin Prince preying on a sweet Hufflepuff. Yoongi turns back to look at Y/n- to say that they should talk later or acknowledge that he was trying to apologize- but she’s giving him a polite smile and twisting her hand from his grasp. He releases her as if she were the dangerous one, not him. He feels her friend stop next to him, looking Yoongi over once as if sizing him up. Yoongi doesn’t even bother looking back at him.

“Everything alright here?” Yoongi scoffs and shakes his head, pushing past the kid in question and moving toward the Great Hall. He can hear Y/n talking to her friend as they trail after him.

“I’m okay, Jungkook- stop looking at him like that, he wasn’t doing anything- no, you don’t have to fight him, okay? Stop looking for reasons to get in trouble, the school year hasn’t even started yet. Come on, let’s just eat.” Yoongi sighs as he flops down in his seat, incredibly tempted to slam his head against the table as he relives the last few minutes of his life.

What the fuck did I just get myself into?

[thesadabwinchester]

I’m a Paramedic on the 7th busiest ambulance in the nation. I wanted to share some of the most paranormal / unexplainable things I’ve encountered.

I work on an extremely busy box near the Mexican and U.S. Border. I’ve been a Paramedic for a little over 5 years, and an EMT for 3 years prior to that. Over the last 8 years I’ve seen the worst in people and often the good in people. But sometimes, at least too many times for me, I’ve witnessed some pretty unexplainable shit. I’m going to post more stories in the comments and keep this thread dedicated to the craziest.

In 2016 we responded to a call at a private residence in a rural area along the Mexican border. The chief complaint on our MDC (computer) literally said Demons. My partner and I had a good laugh about it. We had seen some pretty poor chief complaints typed in by dispatchers before. For example, a dispatcher might put “Fever” but the call is actually a Chest Pain or CPR. It’s ridiculous guys. But that’s another story.

Anyways we have a pretty long response time. It’s about 0300 (3am) when we get the call.. the call is about 22mi away (we are the closest unit) and it’s a Level 4 call meaning it’s not a high priority (nothing life threatening) so no code 3 (lights and sirens).

We finally arrive to the general area. It’s the kind of place so rural that there isn’t even any street lights. It’s pitch black desert. We head down the long dirt driveway and we see the house for the first time. It’s an old run down place. Bars on the window, a stripped down car out front and lots of trash under a fallen shed. We notice right away that the house is covered in candles. You can see them flickering through the windows and the temperate of light inside was warm and low light. It was eerie. We knew right away this wasn’t going to be an average call. It was going to be a creepy call.

We have a little pep talk, put on our gloves and radio dispatch that we are on scene. We grab our bags and knock on the metal screen door. The door opens we immediately get smacked in the face with all sorts of “bad” smells. We are greeted by this little Mexican lady covered in sweat, yelling in Spanish and freaking out. She was holding a rosary and praying in between talking to us. She was gnarly looking. Hairy legs, horrible posture, dirty. It was just weird.

We enter the house and right away I felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. There were candles everywhere. Fucking everywhere. Hundreds of candles. It was hard not to step on them. My partner being the patient person starts asking her questions and what’s going on and she leads us to the master bedroom where she tells us her neighbor is possessed by a demon named Hector. (I was immediately thinking it is probably just going to be a psych call / possible 5150).

We enter the room and find a 50 some year old female laying supine in bed. The bed sheets were covered in shit, puke, urine… Her hands were folded on her lap and her neck was supported by pillows on her back. Her facial expressions showed intense pain, distress and fear but her hands and body remained completely still and at ease. It was almost as if she could only physically move her face. The only thing she would say is “No Hector.” We tried assessing / asking questions etc but she wouldn’t speak to us or acknowledge us. We put a BP cuff on her and start taking vitals. Blood pressure 350/p… a normal blood pressure is around 120/80. She was very very hypertensive.

We explain we need to take her to the hospital and my partner and I go and get our gurney. We go back in the room and our patient is gone, the RP/ other lady is gone and my partner and I look at each other like wtf dude. We start looking around the house, nothing. We hear yelling outside and sure as shit both women are outside. This is where the call gets freaky and becomes a pretty legendary story in our local first responder community. The lady who let us in and took us to the patient is on the ground in the dirt laying still and her face is doing all the crazy seizure like movements as the the patient was. The fucking patient, is now coherent and walking around asking us to help her and has no fucking idea where she is or what’s going on.

I immediately radio in for police … A) these people could be tripping hard on drugs B) I didn’t feel safe with the situation and genuinely thought I was about to become possessed by a fucking Mexican demon named Hector. I also call in Fire and an additional ambulance since we have what seems to be two patients and a huge fucking candle problem.

We monitor both patients vitals etc. other units arrive we end up transporting the lady who let us in and another unit transported our original patient. En route to the hospital our patient codes. (Heart stops) and we upgrade the call, go lights and sirens and my partner begins CPR. The other unit transporting does the same thing. Both women, full CPR. Both women were resuscitated at hospital and unfortunately passed in the ICU.

Days later, we are still talking about this. My fire captain asked his cop buddies who were investigating what was up. He said they had found all kinds of Mexican books on witchcraft.

[bibliotechnician]

Fondue // V-Day Prompt 2019

aka Reiner discovers he has feelings at 3am and doesn’t know how to handle them. A V-Day prompt for @exreichheavy | @polis-ranger | @nodaudaboutitt featuring our two babs being adorable. Enjoy the Saurkraut-y goodness.

Something had changed. 

Reiner wasn't sure what it was, but it had certainly shifted enough of his personal space that it pushed him awake, a residual habit from years of military duty. It was just enough of an environmental difference he needed to take stock of his immediate surroundings. Without opening his eyes, he had already determined all was quiet in the small apartment.

Jaeger curled up under the bookshelf, the huffing breaths of the sleeping Shepherdish not in any form of distress. A little bit of bustle on the platform outside, the clink of military, the shuffle of Brahmin.

Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that would otherwise force him into a state of alert. But something had changed enough to nag at him. The longer he tried to ignore it and drift back off, the more it pushed at him. 

With a certain amount of reluctance and a deep drawn breath, he opened his eyes to the faint dark. The overhead bulb had been flicked off, a small sliver of station light filtering in under the door. It transformed the contours of the room, streaking furniture in outlandish disorienting shapes that would cause panic had he woken up still fresh from a nightmare. As it was, all it took was a few slow blinks to acclimate his still-tired eyes to it.

The armchair and short table came into sharper view, the edge of the bookshelves on the far wall and the breathing fuzzy ball that was the dog beneath them. Familiar walls and shapes manifested against the sharp contrast of before, softening to give the world a little more depth and dimension. Once he had reacquainted himself with his surroundings, he turned his attention slowly toward Volk, sleeping next to him.

The light caught the edges and tips of her unruly fluffy mane, the mass piling everywhere as it usually did. Another recognizable feature that helped ease the nervousness that had woken him. She breathed long and slow, still relaxed in the throes of sleep. Nothing was out of the ordinary, everything was in its place. Except the pale gleam of her face pointing toward him.

What he'd felt was her rolling over, a subtle movement in his environment he had barely picked up on it at first. Usually she slept with her back to him. Not that he hadn't seen her sleeping face before, he'd seen her asleep from a distance. But for whatever reason, this time felt different than those. Maybe it was the proximity or the circumstance that brought it on, but something more had changed between them, a shifted dynamic that was new and strange.

It was almost cute, with the way her lips parted ever so slightly and her hands curled on the pillow between the two of them. A few stray hairs ruffled as she breathed on them, flashes of faerie lights around her face, a touch of the ethereal in a fairly quiet night in Polis. Everything stood out and he couldn't help trailing eyes across the softened angles in her face, across the delicate curve of her neck to the slope of one shoulder, sharp white against the void mass of her hair behind it. It was beautiful, soothing in the returning fatigue.

He let his eyes trace the shape of her outline, starting to finally drift back to sleep when she moved again and stirred him back to alert. It must have been a restless night, a shift of her shoulders as she attempted to roll a little and failing that, set to twitching her lips and brows and fingers in various ways. Though so subtle a motion, it was enough to make a few locks of hair fall across her face, the tickling ends setting her muscles to riot. Her head twitched a bit more furiously against the touch of the creeping curling tendrils and her plight spurred him to move. He reached a hand forward, brushing the offending lock up and back so it returned to the central mass on the other side of her head. It helped her settle, the twitching dulling to silence.

Unseen monsters fought off and peace returning, he pulled his hand back in time to hear her breathe sharply in. Her eyes cracked open, glazed in sleep, black against the rest of her. There was hardly a tint of blue that remained, swallowing the pupils as well until he wasn't entirely sure which direction she was looking. Yet, he still felt that gaze on him, simply knew when she had woken enough to look at him. It was calm, a slow and tired blink given before she moved, snuggling down further in her spot. The angle changed and the light caught enough of one iris to fade the dark blue in, a streak of color against the monochrome he'd been facing.

The sight tugged at him, poked a portion of his brain he'd heard before but never indulged. He could barely acknowledge it himself, and the mere idea that it was back in his thoughts caused his lips to thin. In annoyance or determination, that remained to be seen. Not even he knew.

She was beautiful, he was well aware of what he thought of that, and the jumbled thoughts that floated around his head around this revelation were in no condition to see the light of day. They were more than just duty partners now, they were more than just friends. They were more now than any of that, but what they were, he could barely squeak to himself, as it was admitting something he had barely any grasp of. He was sure of that, even with the flutter in his chest that he instinctively took as a fight-or-flight reaction.

He wasn't sure if it was that she could read his face, twisting as it was in internal turmoil, or if she was simply grasping for her own purchase in the waking world. But whatever it was that spurred her to reach a hand forward and place it on the back of his, twining her fingers between his, it stopped his thoughts. He was almost positive the shrill screech of brakes was audible outside his own mind, looking her in the eye in surprise. He was awake now, even if he hadn't intended to be, maintaining eye contact as a way to ground himself.

She huffed a heavy breath, blinking slowly again. Clearly, she was still tired, a small telling half-smile creeping across her face. "You know..." she started, voice low and slurring, her language skills still in a mire of sleepiness. "...You know, I think I want your eyes to be the only ones I wake up next to..."

For a half a second, Reiner thought his heart had stopped beating. A heat crept across his face and the fluttering in his chest returned with such a vengeance that it stopped his breath as well. Now why had she gone and said a thing like that, something he couldn't recover his reeling brain from, no matter how hard he grasped at it. This sensation was new and on the first hand, he hated how it made him feel -flustered and annoyed at being flustered- but on the other hand, he was reveling in the warmth that ignited in his ribcage and started spreading.

He made an attempt to return the sentiment, but couldn't formulate anything very articulated, coughing out, "Me too..." and hoping it got the maelstrom of emotions across to her.

She chuckled, squeezing the hand she held captive just enough, her eyes starting to close. "It's still night. Try to get some sleep."

It was comforting and ceased the noise in his head enough he could relax again. "Ja...ja. Alright..." he started, waiting for his body to ease back into a calmer state, resting his head on the pillow again and watching her eyes shut completely.

His weren't far behind, evening out his breath as he tried to grasp something else elusive; sleep. It proved harder than he thought, his mind drawing back to the startling events right before and refusing to calm down.

Into the dark of the room, his voice whispered, "But now I can't sleep."

[bishiglomper]

Today's fuckin awful

I woke up expelling sulfur. Kinda queasy. Kinda hurty. Didn't think it was bad enough to stay in bed tho. My aunt was holding a birthday party for the cousins. I wanted to go. I was gonna bring Gengar to work on and show off 😅

I got dressed. Medicated and fed my cat. Just sitting there watching tv when I start dry heaving. Like yeeaaah, i dont think I'll be going.

Honestly I thought it was the ton of junk food I ate all night. Sister made me mexican pizza that evening. It was being split 3 ways so i had a side of chips too lol. We watched a movie. I snacked on popcorn. Then my sister got up and made fucking orange rolls at like 3am. 👀 So yeah, I wasnt suprised my gut was unhappy.

Shortly after they left I started really not feeling great. I lost my phone in my chair. But I didnt have the spoon to find it. And I had just burped, i wasnt making my niece go stick her face over there.

Puked right after i got upstairs and into jammies. Then pain really started. There were like 4 stabby spots in my gut. I was whining and moaning in pain so loud. I'm so glad mom was gone. 😫 obviously this was not junk food tummy.

Every time I puked one of the stabby spots eased. I took anti nausea and tummy cramp pills 2x. At some point the pain was so bad I dug out my vicodin. It made it bearable enough I could stop crying

I have such a low constitution, i swear.. 😩

I told my sister I thought it was the junk but then she divulged that bro has had a sour tummy and gastrointestinal distress for a week. And that this was his fault..

My sister's napped in my bed the last 2 days. After the first day she was sick with a headache, sore throat and itchy lungs. It only lasted about 24 hours. My only symptoms were nausea and tummy pain. General being sick aches. Which are killing me right now. After that last puke my tummy settled down. It's very sore. Been not-dying for a good 6 hours now. I even managed half a banana for dinner.

I really need to find drugs or see if anyone is awake because my body is aching so bad. I never got any of my normal drugs. 😭 want my meloxicam..

[wannawrite]

Bar Goer

who?: JBJ’s Kim Donghan

genre: 🌸

type: bullet point

TW: alcohol

blog navigator.

donghan isn’t very successful at finding true love at clubs but trying doesn’t hurt anyone

inspired by kdrama ‘Tempted (The Great Tempter)

I’m so upset that jbj is going to disband so quickly 😭😭😭 it’s just a HUGE disappointment. This request went straight to the top of my priority list. They deserve to disband with dignity.

I’ll probably still take requests for them - same with W1 - bc I love them so much.

Thanks for requesting anon!!

- admin l

bc he deserves more

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners

everything that is written here is purely fictional

DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

No one has heard of a seducer greater than Kim Donghan

he had cherry lips, shielding a bitterly sweet tongue

he walked with a wicked stride, confident and narcissistic

Donghan was fresh out of school, just a 20 year old

yet, the neighbourhood gossip column stated he had wormed his way into the heart of a much older woman

she was his classmate’s mother

the reason he spent all night flattering her with sweet nothings and a couple of deep kisses?

likely because he wanted free alcohol for himself

why had he gone to that particularly expensive club only open to the guest list?

because his best friend and partner in crime, Hyunbin, had gotten free entry for both of them

troublemakers, those two

Donghan would go to that extent for free drinks

and he had the highest alcohol tolerance out of the people in his class

crazy

all the caused was chaos

Donghan would seduce anyone, anything, for whatever reason

if it was given by his other best friend, the aristocratic Kim Sanggyun

or if he felt like it was worth the chase and effort

some people nicknamed the trio TriK

Tri for three

K for Kwon and double Kim

and TriK for how deceiving they look

they trio played pranks on everyone and anyone

their other close friends, Taehyun, Kenta and Yongguk were helpless to stop them

tbh they didn’t really care as long as Taehyun did not have to wake up at 3am to bail Hyunbin out of jail

besides, it wasn’t like TriK to be so mundane and muted

they just bore too bright and wild personalities

Taehyun let out a disgruntled sigh. ‘Donghan, if I receive one more angry text for a heart broken person, I’m doing to snap your neck.’

Donghan simply shrugged, a knowing grin on his face

people liked to think Taehyun was the most responsible in the clique and often went to him for advice or to take revenge on Donghan

like Donghan ever cared about what his hyungs had to say about him

they too had given up long ago and just let him carry out his activities

it wasn’t like seducing was fatal

or was it?

‘Hyung, don’t be mad. I’m here, I bought you your favourite sushi from Tokyo! Cheer up!’ lovesick Hyunbin attempted to lift Sanggyun’s sulky mood.

he only pressed his lips into a thin line and twirled his chopsticks in his hands

‘it isn’t fair how she just moves on so quickly just two years after she signed divorce papers,’ he seethed. ‘Does she want the chairman or does she want JK group?’

it had been a long day of settling unpleasant affairs

to begin with, Sanggyun was forced to attend some gala that his mother’s company, Myeong Jeong Healthcare had organised

smile for the cameras

talk to stuck up ‘friends’ or ‘diplomatic allies’ who cared about nothing else than the Kim family’s bank account

entertain guests

To end the dessert course on the sweetest note possible, his mother announced her engagement to JK Group’s chairman

more commonly addressed as Kim Donghan’s father

Donghan too was obliged attend and witnessed the announcement

It was too soon after his father had erased any trace of him from his life

throwing out of the family home just hours after Donghan’s graduation ceremony

Donghan had disappeared shortly following the loud declaration

he was last seen driving off in a red sports car that was not registered under his name

Sanggyun had finally released all his pent-up frustration, throwing wine glasses at walls and crunching him up in his hands

his shouts shook the whole building from the carpark level

Hyunbin’s effort was useless

Sanggyun was not to be stopped

in the end, Sanggyun had to be hospitalised because of his injuries and emotional distress

obviously, he wasn’t one for bland hospital food so Hyunbin had made sure to grab his favourite

meanwhile, Donghan was out somewhere by himself, most likely equally traumatised

the next day, Donghan paid Sanggyun a visit

‘I can’t stand this,’ Sanggyun whined, referring to his hospital gown and IV drip.

which Hyunbin had been desperately tried to keep in place

uhh by preventing Sanggyun from ripping it out

perhaps he also meant that he couldn’t stand Donghan’s dad marrying his mum

‘Let’s go somewhere, do something,’ Donghan suggested.

‘whenever you say that...you mean let’s go clubbing...’ Hyunbin raised his eyebrows

his friend’s lips stretched into a smile. ‘Why not? I know of a new club that just opened.’

Hyunbin crossed his arms over his chest, pressing his lips into a thin line. ‘I think it’ll be best if we just called pizza and chicken in. Right, Sanggyun? You love that chicken place down the road.’

how the hell am I going to manage to emotionally unstable drunk boys?

‘Actually,’ Sanggyun began, tearing at his IV drip. ‘Checking out that new club sounds nice and we’ll call pizza in to cure the hangover.’

he wanted the thick liquid to burn as it slipped down his throat

Donghan felt like he just needed the adrenaline from clubs, maybe grab a drink or two but he didn’t feel like inhaling alcohol tonight

he just wanted some time away from all the chaos

hyunbin knew the night wasn’t going to end in the most spectacular fashion but that never stopped him from hopping in

‘There are too many nurses and security on duty as of now,’ Donghan hissed, teeth gritted

the quicker they left and arrived back the better

less suspicious

less problematic

less chaotic

a bundle of black nylon was shoved into his hands.

unravelling the package, his hands met with sturdy rope

‘hyung, you never come unprepared,’ he whispered in disbelief. His hyungs were always so unpredictable

Hyunbin locked the door behind him as Donghan pushed the window open

they were lucky to have gotten such a hospital ward 

imagine if the windows were sealed 

but no, Sanggyun threw a fuss about how he was allergic to some chemicals

the contractor was in to redo some windows of different wards 

Sanggyun hastily slipped into the different set of clothes and fluffed up the blanket to make it look like he was asleep 

with a thud, the rope landed on the other side of the wall

the knot reeling to keep it secure 

under the pastel hues of sunset, three boys shimmied down the wall of a hospital

the moon reached its peak by the time they set off for an adventure

~

for Kim Donghan, getting into some of the city’s most exclusive clubs was no big deal

he just had to cut the line and give the bouncer a small smile before the velvet rope was pulled back and he was ushered through the doors 

he did frequent clubs quite a bit 

but most of the time it was to meet Hyunbin or Sanggyun 

it didn’t necessarily mean he got hammered 24/7 

he just found the atmosphere one to suit his mood at given times 

strobe lights, loud music, the scent of sweat and alcohol almost seemed more welcoming than the icy draft that wafted through his ‘father’s’ house 

a/n: in the drama, a reason why Sihyun gets kicked out is as he isn’t the legitimate son of his ‘father’

from what I know 

please don’t spoil it for me 😬🙏🏼

Donghan takes on Sihyun’s role, Sanggyun as Sooji and Hyunbin as Sejoo 

but tonight, Donghan just feels like having a beer before napping on the plush seats in the VIP lounge 

there was no room for hooking up or ruining someone’s ego today 

that was his plan 

if he succeeded in getting through the insane VIP line 

usually, the VIP line would have one - the most two people - in it 

however, tonight was strangely packed 

he was Kim Donghan

if there was an event, he would have been informed of it by his contacts 

but he hadn’t even heard anything on the grapevine about tonight 

weird 

Sanggyun was beginning to get impatient, worried about how he was going to explain himself to his mother should they be caught 

‘I’ll go check out the situation up front.’ Donghan pushed and squeezed his way through until he could see the doors 

after some eavesdropping, he concluding the club was hosting someone’s birthday 

‘hey, you!’ someone yelled. ‘Don’t cut the line, dick move.’ 

Donghan wanted to roll his eyes but he controlled himself, flashing his signature grin that made even people with the most concrete hearts melt into a puddle of cement 

unfortunately, it only earned him an icy cold glare from the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen 

oh, how he wished they would be filled with adoration instead of annoyance 

the girl it’s been so long since we specified genders scoffed at him, then returned to chatting with her friends 

Donghan felt a pang of guilt - an emotion he rarely felt 

he slipped back into his spot in the queue 

thankfully, Sanggyun and Hyunbin were too engaged in a chitchat to mind him much

staff came a few minutes later to clear the customers into the club 

Donghan ignored the bar and the impressive array of drinks, mood spoiled by the earlier interaction 

for the next half an hour, he spent it wallowing on the VIP room couch, crunching on the occasional snack 

red had spread across Sanggyun’s face like a sunburn as he sipped his brew

Hyunbin was more concerned about keeping his friends sober than drinking 

but we all know this boy can drink 

‘this is no fun,’ Sanggyun started to whine. ‘We came to forget about being sad but we’re just crying in the club.’ 

‘it’s better than sobbing in the hospital,’ he added quietly 

• Hyunbin nudged Donghan in the ribs. ‘Come on, our little seducer, who do you fancy tonight?’ 

Donghan stared off into space, propping his face in his hands, his mind not even pondering about it. 

carelessly, he replied, ‘I’ll talk to whoever walks through the doors next.’ 

that person would mostly be someone he was already acquainted with 

you had to be extraordinary to access the VIP lounge 

TriK was no exception 

His friends snickered. ‘Done deal.’ 

Donghan did NOT expect the next person to be you 

he regretted his words

such an impetuous comment, what a grave mistake 

Sanggyun threw his hands into a clap, pouting lips tugged into a smirk

‘there’s your target, Romeo.’

swearing, Donghan took a sip of Hyunbin’s beer

he observed as you approached the private bar and perched on one of the barstools, chatting up the mixologist like he was your best friend 

nerves began to settle into his stomach like never before 

whatever  

I’ve done this more than a billion times, what could be so different about this one? 

Donghan moved to the twin barstool before anyone else could take his place 

he winked at the bartender, cueing his usual drink 

seeing it was the insolent young man you had previously encountered, you edged further away from him 

‘waiting for someone?’ 

you turned at the sound of his deep voice, meeting his sultry smirk and dark eyes 

sucking back a snarky reply, you only uttered a finite ‘yes’. 

‘shall I accompany you?’ 

such a try hard 

you refrained from rolling your eyes, instead, you sent a killer smile his way

‘no need. I don’t associate myself with people like you,’ you bit back 

ouch,,, that has got to sting 

panicked, Donghan sampled his drink, brain clogs reeling to come up with an answer 

he feigned nonchalance, shrugging his shoulders which shifted his shirt to show off a pair of defined collarbones 

‘excuse me.’ you began to slip out of your seat. ‘I came here with a purpose and with friends, so...I’m not wasting any more time with you.’

arrows shot into Donghan’s heart and smashed it into smithereens 

the feeling he had was completely foreign, they felt like cupid’s arrows 

he was baffled by the new wave of emotions 

hmm cupid had spoken, there would be another chance won’t there be?

~

‘who cares?’ your best friend yelled after hearing your story. ‘He’s so hot! There won’t be any strings attached anyway. That’s why we came anyway, isn’t it?’ 

you cringed, pulling a face at her reaction 

he was kind of hot though...

‘you HAVE to grab him before others do! I see he’s caused quite a stir.’ 

her words were true, quite a number of people swarmed that guy and his bunch of friends as they emerged from the VIP lounge 

I’ll see if he makes a move first 

your glass slams down on the table, making your way to the dance floor 

across the club, Donghan spots your figure immediately

he keeps his eyes trained on you as you sway to the music, moving your hips to the beat 

to your surprise, Donghan simply flittered off into the crowd without even making eye contact 

oh 

disappointment flooded you for some odd reason 

an hour ago, you were disgusted by his presence and even shooed him off 

now, you wanted his attention...desperately 

blame the hormones 

still, this sort of behaviour was so unlike yours

@ spiked alcohol 

don’t spike anyone’s alcohol, that shit ain’t cool and it’s so gross and uncalled for 

you retired to a quieter corner of the bar, feet aching from the killer heels 

you felt someone’s arm lean against the bar counter, trapping you in your seat 

‘where’s your friend?’ the same voice asked. 

‘hmm, not here right now,’ you whispered, voice low. ‘But you are.’ 

Donghan chose to ignore your latter comment, playing hard to get. 

‘having a fun night?’ he made sure his eyes met yours for at least 10 seconds before breaking away for 11 seconds 

you paused, deliberating on your answer. 

yes or yes but in italics

doing something crazy for once wouldn’t hurt you 

‘no,’ you replied, tone huskier than before. ‘not without you.’ 

damn sweetie wyd

before you knew it, Donghan’s lips were inches away from yours, beckoning you to close the gap 

ask before you kiss anybody 

your lips captured his and his hands trailed down the curves of your waist, finding their seating on your hips 

I’m reading my bible 8 times after this brb 

he tasted like sour lemon and spicy vodka, tampered with a hint of cherry cola 

his lips were plump and experience, puckered at a certain angle, tilted to a certain degree 

it was electrifying, terrifying almost 

unintentionally, you pressed closer to him, only craving more 

and causing a whirlwind of pretty butterflies to flutter in his stomach 

idk shit abt kissing too i’ve only kissed my dog 

Donghan finally pulled away to catch a breath, his hands left your form and rested on the seat of the barstool instead 

*denies second kiss* • he was toying with you, making you crave more, driving you insane with his teasing 

‘tell me your name,’ you demanded, cheeks heating up 

he chuckled in response, deep and growly yet playful 

‘It’s Donghan.’ 

Donghan moved to the other side of the bar, possibly only to get water but you followed him - not with just your eyes

he kept you company, offering small tipsy talk but refused any of your further advances 

from time to time, he made a flirtatious remark or played with your hair, maybe dropped a compliment or two

you forced yourself to respond neutrally to them 

eventually, his friends caught up with him

one was flushed pink and the other was supporting him 

they needed him to leave 

‘when will I see you again,’ you blurted out. ‘I want to.’ 

Donghan only smiled, giving your hand a light squeeze 

it was unclear if his gestures were out of assurance or a farewell  

you had to see him 

some unexplainable attraction willed you to 

you would hanker after him if you had to 

‘you want to know more, you’ll have to cave into the chase, sweetheart.’ 

how sweet 

you didn’t understand why people got themselves dead drunk at clubs when they could do this instead

[infantlossrecovery]

First Full Week

It’s been a full week since I gave birth to my stillborn son, Bryan. I have been on recovery leave from work for already a week as well and the next following week. This has been one of the hardest weeks I have ever had to endure. Last week wasn’t too easy as well. Let me, briefly, tell you my story of what happened…

Last week I was going to my OB appointment. Something that should have been normal. I went with my mom because my boyfriend and baby-daddy, Kevin, was working. We go in thinking everything will be fine. We get word saying my platelets were low as well as my iron. Then we started to find Bryan’s heartbeat... and my doctor couldn’t find it. So he sent us to the hospital next door for an ultrasound. We go over to get it done. While I was getting it done, the nurse didn’t allow me to even look at the screen to see my kid in me. I won’t lie, I was very suspicious and scared when she didn’t want me seeing it. Once it was finished, she told us that she needed to call my doctor. We were requested back to the office to talk to the doctor. This is when we got the news that Bryan didn’t have a heartbeat anymore... and I had to be admitted into the hospital to deliver him as soon as possible. I texted Kevin’s best friend telling him what happened. I didn’t want to alarm Kevin while he was working. After I called my boss saying I am out of work for a couple weeks now and told him we lost the child. He told Kevin not long after we got off the phone...

An hour later, I was admitted into the hospital. I was in a hospital bed trying to make the best of things. My campus pastors came to my hospital room praying for Kev and I knowing we will be going through lots of grief. We even bought pizza as my doctor said I could eat anything. The doctors were monitoring my blood pressure since being admitted and it was very high (systolic, over 200). Not even 3 hours into being admitted, the doctors started to diagnose me with HELLP (hemolysis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelet count) syndrome, which is a more serious form of preeclampsia and is very rare. Only treatment is to deliver the baby. Ergo, they had to start speeding up the delivery process than they were already doing. It was very scary receiving this information.

I had to get IV’s hooked up to me as well as magnesium. I was now bedridden. I had a commode next to my bed and needed a nurse to help me use the bathroom. My mom and Kevin stayed by my side practically the entire night. Kevin spent the night, mom went home and came back around 11am and then Kev went home to try to sleep better. Around 1 or 2 (I can’t remember as I was high off magnesium), I asked for an epidural. I was so out of it, but I knew the cramps/contractions were hell and I wanted the pain gone. Afterwards, I took a tiny nap as it took a lot out of me.

I wake up and the nurse is there to change my bed pad when she realized I delivered Bryan. She told me not to move. I tried not to cry. The nurse told my mom and then she called Kevin and my father. Once they took Bryan and cleaned him off and got him in his christening dress, my mom took some great pictures of him. They swaddled him up and let me hold him. I started crying when I saw his face, his fingers, his toes, his everything. He was mine. I held him for 27 weeks. It killed me when I could hold him and look at him and think, “I couldn’t even hear him cry…” He was born still, but he was still born. This was such a distressing day for me and Kev’s family. We were all grieving.

Once everyone left, it was just Kevin and I. He broke down as soon as the last person left. We were extremely sad. We were holding everything in because we didn’t want anyone seeing us cry. It was an intimate moment which we needed to cry together. We called my mother back because we wanted her comfort with us. We needed her loving/caring presence. So she came back to be there for us.

I tried sleeping that night. Bryan was next to me the entire night. I fell asleep looking at him. Around 3am, Kevin came back to the room to see if I was doing alright. My blood pressure did go down which made him happy. I made him lay on the hospital bed with me to cuddle as I needed his love after the events of the day happened. I needed to be held. I cried in his arms. He did too.

The next day, Kevin had to work. This killed me as I wanted him with me still. I didn’t want him going. My mom was there the entire day as I was starting to walk again getting ready to discharge me. 7pm, that night, I was discharged. Bryan was still in the room while we were packing up. This is the tear-jerking part… the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to leave and leave Bryan in the room and then them bring him to the morgue or have them take him away while I was still there. I chose the second one. I couldn’t leave without him leaving first. She gave me some time with him alone and I started crying. My dad was comforting me at this part. When they took Bryan for good, I could touch him one last time and I just completely lost it. I fell on the ground crying so hard. My mom got me off the ground and just embraced me. It took me a couple minutes to stop crying uncontrollably. It hurt so much.

When I could leave the hospital, I said goodbye to some nurses that helped me though this tough time and almost started crying again when they hugged me. It was a difficult day. But, after I got into the car to leave, we drove to my job where Kev was working at the time and surprised him. He almost lost it when he saw me and hugged me. I almost did as well. It was great to be able to walk towards him and hug him standing up again.

Afterwards, I went home and just laid in bed watching Netflix and relaxing on my computer. When Kev got home and saw me, he cried when he saw me home, in bed, and healthy. We both cried because we were happy to be together again. We cried also because, well, we lost our son. It was devastating. It still is. But we have definitely gotten closer since this happened.

I still have a heavy heart when I think about this. This is my child that should have been born healthy. I won’t lie, I’m jealous of my friends who flaunt their babies on Facebook because I should have one to flaunt as well. But instead, he was born into Heaven. I keep thinking, “Why did God take my child away from me?” I still cry almost every day missing him. I have a necklace with his name and birthdate on it. I wear it daily. I have a Spotify playlist that I listen to daily to think of him. He will never be forgotten. I love and miss my little angel.

[kristie-rp]

when the morning comes

Who: Toni Crueson, Raphael Constantine, Adrian Crueson (Toni’s dad), Lola Crueson (Toni’s mum), Ross Crueson (Toni’s little brother), Enid Crueson (Ross’s wife), Courtney Crueson (8-year-old only daughter of Ross & Courtney, Toni’s niece), Adelaide Crueson (Toni’s older sister, pregnant), Corey Oliver-Flannigan (Adelaide’s partner), Angeline Andurgor. What: Inspired by Stay Awake by Dean Lewis. Toni’s niece is sick, and she’s got to go.

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You said you’re leaving          When the morning comes                  Stay Awake  - Dean Lewis

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“Oh no, that’s awful.”

Rain continues to run down the window as she spins idly in her chair. She keeps pausing, whenever the person at the other end of the call speaks. She is listening intently: her brow dips in a small furrow, and grief brings her shoulders arching up towards her ears.

“How long?”

Whatever she is told is enough to bring it to a head, and her shoulders slump. Her curls trail after it, dark brown waves swaying and slumping. They shift and end up in her face, before her eyes. She makes no move to tuck them back out of the way.

“I’ll book the soonest flight I can.”

Quiet fills the room again. Only the dull stream of rain from outside the apartment can be heard, pattering constantly against the glass. She stares at the window visible above her computer screen, no longer spinning idly.

“I’ll see you in a couple days.”

-

Toni is very, very drunk by the time she brings it up. She’s been oddly manic all night, jumping between topics like none of them can hold her attention. There’s a faraway look in her eyes whenever she gulps her booze, drinking with clear intent.

When she slams her dozenth empty bottle back onto the counter, it startles Raphael enough to get him to adjust his focus. He watches her more often than not; dark eyes on her. Her curls, her smile, the way her honey-brown eyes crinkle when she laughs. Only there hasn’t been any laughter tonight, just drinking, and raving, and changing the subject.

“I’m leaving,” she says without preamble. “I go back to Auckland in the morning.”

Raphael freezes in place. He’d been prepared to laugh off any concerns she’s having, to talk them through and work it out. He is frozen now, lips barely parted, transfixed by her in a different way. He cannot breathe a word, and Toni takes advantage of the opportunity to barrel through it.

“The flight leaves at five, so I’m probably just gonna go straight to the airport; it’ll be easier than waking up. You don’t have to see me off, or anything. I don’t wanna force you into anything you don’t want to do.”

And, well. If he could form a sentence, he might protest that. He might say that she’s never made him do anything he didn’t want to do, not at all, and all that is happening here is – well. She’s asking him to say goodbye to her, sort of, and he has never, ever wanted to do that. Not since he met her in Auckland in the first place, when she offered up her families house to him for as long as he wanted to stay.

She makes him smile, usually, even when he’s miserable. But now, he has a look on his face like his heart is breaking. She says something about how she doesn’t know how long she’ll be gone, and drowns the sentence in yet another drink.

-

The apartment is too quiet.

He heard her leave in the small hours of the morning, trying to be quiet. She was probably trying not to wake him, but he didn’t sleep at all. He’d wanted to get up and beg her to stay, had wanted her to come and check in on him. Wanted her to see he was awake, and either say goodbye herself, or say she doesn’t want to go. It’s not like her Visa is expiring; his families money is good for that much, even if it never did anything else for him.

But she doesn’t say goodbye, and the door closes. It’s the click of the lock in the silent apartment that reminds him to breathe, to catch breath he hasn’t realised he’s been holding.

The flight leaves at five, he remembers. He’s got time. Until then, there’s a chance she’ll turn around.

He stares at the red glow of his alarm clock until the sun starts to rise, and then rolls out of bed to force himself into doing something, anything, anything at all.

The clock says 5:55.

-

She’s outside cutting wood. It’s all she’s been doing for most of the day, since she woke up. She’d arrived at a time that let her take dinner with Adelaide, Corey and their parents, and Ross’s partner Enid. Ross and Courtney had been conspicuously absent, but they didn’t talk about it. Instead, Toni asked nosy questions about Adelaide’s pregnancy, and pushed for information about their dads work, or what remained of it.

After dinner, Enid comes back. She’s exhausted, and miserable, and Corey gives her a hug on his way to go take her place at the hospital. “She was asleep when I left,” Enid says. She’s pale, with dark circles under her eyes like she hasn’t been sleeping. Toni remembers when Enid, her sister-in-law, was pregnant with Courtney; remembers how full of life she’d been. Nothing like this half-dead mother in front of her.

“You should’ve told me,” Toni tells Ross, “instead of leaving it to Enid. You’re my little brother, you’re supposed to tell me things!”

“I didn’t want to ruin your weird elopement,” he snipes back, clearly resentful. Toni doesn’t rise to the bait; instead, she whirls away, and goes to bed, too tired from the timezone change. It’s after 4am in America, not 8pm, and she’s still on that system. It’ll take ages to get back into it.

So she wakes at 3am after what feels like not long enough, and tosses and turns before going outside.

That’s where her father finds her four hours later, still chopping wood for the fire. He watches her, for a while, taking note of the swing of her hand, the grip she has on the handle. Toni has always been more interested in computers and music than the work they need to do to stay warm around the house, and finding her out here – well. Chopping wood to divert anger is common to most of the family members. Only Corey and Courtney have never fallen into the trap.

“You wanna talk there, trooper?” he calls at last. It startles her, and she misses the log she is splitting. It buries deep into the block they use to hold it, splinters off. Toni sidesteps before the axe can lop off her toes.

“God, dad, are you trying to kill me? Don’t do that!”

“No harm, no foul,” he retorts, and folds his arms over his chest. Adrian Crueson raises his brows at her, a challenge in them. “Now. Talking?”

“God. No, no thanks.”

She isn’t looking to see his lip twist in dismay, but she does meet his gaze when he clears his throat. “Breakfast, then. You must’ve worked out a helluvan appetite. C’mon. Your mum’s making waffles. And your brother’s at the hospital.”

And, well. Toni never actually needs to be convinced to eat the waffles Lola’s mastered.

-

“How’s your boyfriend?”

They’re doing the dishes, Toni washing while Adelaide dries. The question startles Toni, but she manages not to drop any cutlery, instead rolls her eyes at her older sisters’ question. No wonder she’d been so adamant of drying; Toni cannot leave with the dishes half washed. Not without getting reamed by mum and an exasperated sigh from dad.“Raphael isn’t my boyfriend.”

“You’re travelling the world with him.” Adelaide pauses. “He’s paying for you to travel the world with him.”

“Actually, we sort of live in Port Lyndon now?”

“Oh, so you aren’t in touch with him anymore?”

Toni flushes, and busies herself scrubbing a plate more hard than is strictly required. “We kind of live together. In his apartment. That he kept while travelling. For... reasons.”

“Oh my god, you live together? Toni! No way you aren’t an item.”

“No one says item anymore, Addie.”

Adelaide shoves Toni gently, laughing. “That’s garbage, and you know it. Now. Spill! You have to be a couple.”

Toni clears her throat, and focuses intently on the dishes before she speaks. “He’s never asked me. On a date, or to be his, you know, girlfriend. Or whatever. So. I guess it’s just not a thing he thinks about.”

There’s quiet as Adelaide stops moving. She sets down the glass she’s been drying for longer than necessarily as gently as she knows how, wrapping Toni in the tight bear hugs she’s so well known for in their family. If you want a hug, you ask Adelaide. She’s always been the best at it. “Oh, Toni,” she soothes, clinging to her sister as she shakes. If she hadn’t already known how Toni gets, how the more dismissive she is, the more distressed she is, it’d be given away in the way her shoulders tremble. “I’m sure that’s not it.”

Toni hiccoughs softly. She’s not so sure, and it shows.

-

“I don’t get why you don’t just call her, genius,” Angeline is saying. She’s plucking absently at her guitar, tuning it on the armchair in Raphael’s apartment. Normally she’d claim the couch, but he’s stacked CDs over the spot she usually claims, and she doesn’t want to move them.

“I don’t have her number.” She plucks out an experimental tune, a little thing that sounds like judgement. Raphael doesn’t look up from the guitar he’s carefully cleaning.

“Bullshit, you don’t. You don’t fool me, Constantine.”

He sighs, long and hard. “She didn’t say goodbye, Ange.”

Angeline, though, has no patience for his lamentation. “Did you?”

He’s quiet.

She takes it for what it is, knowing what he’s like. She leans down to where he’s leaning against her chair, and slaps him lightly. By her standards. He still winces. “Bloody hell, Raphael. Why would she say bye when you don’t say bye? Oh my god, it’s like you two don’t know how to communicate at all!”

“Says you, Angeline. Remind me how you and Jackson started dating? Was it – oh, I don’t know – something to do with your boss telling you dates get discounts?”

Angeline snorts. “We still got it together, unlike someone in this room.”

“Yeah, well. It doesn’t matter. She’s back home, now. No need for me to reopen old wounds, you know?”

Angeline heaves a sigh. Raphael has always been prone to self-pity, and when she isn’t in the mood for it, it’s tedious as hell. “Here’s what you’re going to do,” she says, and starts slowly, methodically, scrawling a detailed plan into a book she reserves for song lyrics.

-

“Hey, champ. How’re you doing?”

Toni asks it because she doesn’t know what else to say, and is afraid of the silence that’ll fall if she doesn’t. She doubts Courtney remembers her; doesn’t know why she was asked for. She just knows it’s her turn to play the just in case vigil. In case things get worse. In case someone has to call the family to say goodbye to a comatose 8-year-old with a DNR. In case her niece dies.

Courtney looks like a Crueson, or at least, she’s got the same curls the siblings and their dad share. She must’ve gotten them from Ross, because Enid’s hair is as straight as if a straighteners been used, even when she’s just woken up. Courtney has bright eyes, but they look out of place on the sickbed, in amongst the white sheets and pasty skin. Her dark auburn hair is lank, unwashed and barely brushed, and Toni’s heart is in her throat. She’s already been told she mustn’t cry, though, mustn’t make this worse for the girl.

After all, Courtney’s the one dying, an armada of tubes and cords hooked up to her to keep her alive until the doctors can talk Ross into letting them drop it.

Or until she dies anyway.

“Sore,” Courtney croaks, and Toni refuses to wince at the harshness of it. She’s got a recording, somewhere, sent her way ages ago, of one of the solos the girl did for a school thing. She sounded like she was going to be a natural, if she got some training. She sounded sweet. She certainly hadn’t sounded like someone on deaths door.

“Well, that sucks,” Toni retorts. “What d’you wanna do? I know you can’t get out of here, but I’ve got my music, if you wanna listen. I can grab my guitar from the car, if you want. Or we can play, I don’t know, I Spy or Never Have I Ever or Twenty Questions.” It’s possible she’s listing the ideas she pulled from a google search, trying to figure out what eight year old nearly dead kids like.

“Dad says you’ve got a boyfriend. I wanna hear about him. Please.”

She bites her tongue on her usual he’s not my boyfriend, swallowing the protest whole. “Alright, fine, I’ll spill,” she says, and starts telling her niece the best stories she has of her and Raphael. And if they err on the side of making Raphael sound like some sort of gift – well.

She’s a musician, not a historian.

-

“Toni’s phone,” she yawns into the receiver.

“Promise you won’t be mad.”

That wakes her up. “Raphael?”

“Uh-huh. I – have some news. If you want. If it’s not okay, I won’t follow through, but. I’m kinda about to get on the plane? It’s – it’ll go to Auckland.”

She pulls the phone from her ear for a moment, gaping at it. His voice, tinny and concerned, asks if she’s still there, and she hears his voice become more distant. He must be looking to see if the call is connected; he does it all the time, if he notices he’s been talking uninterrupted for what he deems too long. “You – why? I thought you were happier in PL, now.”

She can hear the grimace. “Well. Not exactly. It was kinda just that you were there? I guess? And also that Veronica kinda disappeared from our lives; I don’t know how that happened, but. Kudos to Liv, I think, and dad? For finally pulling it off.

“Anyway. You kinda – we didn’t say goodbye? When you left? And I know you were drunk and I was in shock, I think, and you were in a hurry and had that early flight, and I just. I don’t know if you’re sick of me or were waiting for something I didn’t give you, but Toni, I will actually buy you a house down there if you’re moving back properly, so you don’t have to live with your parents. Just. Just let me say goodbye in person, please?”

“Say – what? Raphael, oh my god, why would I be moving back? I hate Auckland. Nothing ever happens here.”

“I – then why’re you there now?”

“My – my sister in law, Enid? She called the other day. And told me what my dear brother Ross refused to tell me. My niece, Courtney? Remember?”

“The Amazing Grace recording?”

“Yes! She’s sick. Like. Really sick. They’ve known for ages, I knew she had to go to the doctor ‘cause of something Ross said during one of our calls months ago, but Enid told me last week that it’s. It’s bad.” She pauses. “Courtney’s dying, Raph,” she whispers. “And I – I don’t know if she asked, or if that was a lie Enid told to get me back here, but. I can’t not be here, you know? It’s. They’re family.”

There’s a stunned silence from the other end. Toni waits patiently, eying the window. Rain trickles down it, down, down, down; just like Port Lyndon. Just like everywhere, actually, but. This is the place that she is right now. “Fuck. Do I feel selfish now, or what,” Raphael mutters at last. Toni hums her curiosity.

“I – Angeline is gonna mock me forever. I kinda – I thought you were sick of me. That. That you were trying to get away from me?”

“What the hell, Raphael! Why would I be doing that? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know –” she cuts herself off to seethe, hissing through gritted teeth.

“Don’t know what?”

“Don’t know how you don’t think I’m absolutely obsessively in love with you. I followed you to Equador, for Christ’s sake!”

He’s quiet. Then, “I thought you just wanted a travel buddy.”

“Oh my God, I’d known you for, what, two weeks at that point? Of course I was in love with you. God. I guessed you didn’t feel the same, but if you just didn’t know –”

“I am a musician,” he says stiffly, defensively; “not a mind reader. I paid for you to travel – you live in my apartment. My apartment that I only came back to because you wanted to see where I grew up.”

Toni falls quiet, listens as the PA system on Raphael’s end of the call puts calls out for his flight to start boarding. “God. Hurry up and get here, you absolute idiot. We’ll be at the hospital, probably. Ask for Courtney Crueson’s room, they’ll send you up.”

“Why there?”

“Because my niece is dying to meet you,” she says, deadpan. “And also, I promised, but I really want to finally try kissing you. In a romantic way, not a cultural experimentation way.”

Raphael hums eagerly; she imagines he’s nodding on the other end of the call, where she can’t see. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous,” she scoffs.

She feels more alive than she has all week.

-

Raphael shows up to a hospital room that isn’t overly crowded. Enid and Adelaide are on either side of Courtney’s bed. Enid, her mum, plaits her hair with gentle fingers, while Adelaide hums and paints her nails. It’s not allowed, technically, but they can’t stop her.

Raphael crashes in, more or less, because he’s excitable and is trying to avoid the pitying looks from the nurse, the one who thinks he’s related to the patient. He blinks blankly at the group of women, and is relieved when recognition lights Adelaide’s features.

“Raphael?” she asks, clearly surprised. Toni hasn’t mentioned his imminent arrival, but considering how much she’s been buzzing for the past day, it makes sense. They sent her to get coffee, worried about her energy aggravating Courtney somehow, and only realised afterwards that that might not be such a good idea.

“Adelaide. It’s been too long.”

“As I recall, that’s on you,” she points out, voice dry. “This is Courtney, and her mum, Enid, Ross’s partner. I’m assuming you remember Ross.”

“That depends. Does he still think gummy worms are good for a balanced lunch?”

“Yes,” Enid says, and opens her mouth to say more. She is cut off by Courtney.

“You’re auntie Toni’s Raphael? Is it true a llama spit in your eye twice on one trip?”

“I – yes. But Toni never mentions that she was definitely bribing it to do that.”

“Excuse me, but I believe that’s my good name you’re slandering,” comes the next interruption. Raphael turns a little slower than is ideal, and she makes a noise of complaint in the back of her throat. She places the coffee on the side table near the door, and crosses the room in three steps. Then, she drags Raphael down to kiss him soundly, maybe a little too eager. He hums his approval, and kisses back with vigour.

When they break apart, Courtney claps twice, and rolls her eyes at the way her mum leans over to readjust the cords. Adelaide scoffs. “Not your boyfriend, huh?”

“Oh, shut up, Addie.”

[brothersjacksonvideos]

3 True Scary UK Horror Stories

Watch the Video Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewj3yG2yJWo&t=442s I’m a 21 year old male, living in a rented 1 bedroom house just outside of York in the United Kingdom. I moved in after my uncle who had pancreatic cancer and was particularly close to me passed. Now for the record, he only lived there for 3 months, moving in after being diagnosed and actually passed in the hospital, so what i’m about to tell you, it really chills me to the bone.

I had just moved in and was pretty emotional about my uncle's death. Growing up without a father, he was like mine. It was 3 days after his funeral and I was pretty beaten up. I needed a place but, at the time, it was quite depressing. So I was sat in my uncle's old living room and it was a hot summer's day, well, hot for UK standards. I was just listening to music with my shirt off when I got hit with a blast of cold air. I stood up and started towards the direction the air came from. I walked to the hallway and stood at the bottom of the stairs… I heard footsteps from upstairs. Fear overcame me as I realised I was unarmed and had no way to protect myself from this potential intruder. Not wanting the trespasser anymore time and against my better judgement I began walking up the stairs. Now the way the house laid out, the stairs escalated up and then veered off to the left, then on a small and narrow landing area, were my room and a bathroom next door to each other. At the top of the stairs, before they turn left, there’s a bannister that has wooden ‘sticks’ running up and down. I had a towel dangling over this bit and used this to my advantage. I lifted the towel minimally and saw my bedroom door was open, this was off to me as, just out of habit, since a kid, I’ve always closed doors behind me.

I heard rustling in my room and decided this was good confirmation for me to call the police. I felt my short pockets and realised, I’d plugged my phone in to listen to the music on my speakers. ‘Fuck’ I whispered rather loudly at this. I heard rushed whispers from my bedroom and realised my cover was blown. Still weary I began creeping up the stairs as my bedroom door slowly creaked as it was pushed shut. I was not afraid to admit that I was scared. As I stood up close to the door I could hear breath on the other side and see shadows through the slit at the bottom of the door. I reached for the handle and turned it slowly and silently and cautiously…

Before throwing it open lunging myself into the room and screaming like a madman in an attempt to shock the intruder. After a moment of mad screaming I came to my senses and to my horror, the room… it was empty. At this point I was beyond freaked as I looked around my room and realised that absolutely nothing was out of place. I scanned my room, checking in my small wardrobe to find nothing… or no one. I felt as if I was going mad as I heard human whispering and with my own two eyes, I saw the door close.

However, I brushed it off as my uncle’s death playing on my mind but, one thing still freaks me out to this day. As I was walking out of the room I happened to glance at a photograph of a 4 year old me, my mother and my deceased uncle, hanging on the wall. Everything in the room was how I left it that morning. Even the jeans just underneath the picture hadn’t moved an inch from what I remember. But the picture… it was upside down. This hasn’t happened again since and that freaks me out even more. Even though, when I come home from work late at night, I swear that sometimes, I hear someone, or something, quietly whispering from upstairs...

2

What I’m about to tell you, only happened last year. I’m 32 now and was 31 at the time. I live in Sheffield, UK and was driving home from a friend's’ engagement party in Manchester. The drive is very rural, crossing over Snake Pass, a long, winding road, cutting through the Peak District, one of the largely uninhabited national parks in the UK. It was around 1am and being female and alone I was nervous and apprehensive about the drive. About half of the way over Snake Pass, I felt my car begin to chug and I lost all power. I quickly got out of the vehicle to see what I could see and I noticed that, both of my front tyres were flat. I began to panic and immediately felt scared, I remembered that when I purchased my insurance policy, it included breakdown cover and I had my membership card in the glove box. I paid extra to include tyre replacement and thankfully, 24 hour call out. I leant over to retrieve the membership card and I called for help. They told me that somebody would be with me within the hour. I felt slightly reassured but was also nervous about being here, in the middle of nowhere, in the dark… alone.

It was around 20 minutes later that a recovery truck approached. I was relieved to no longer be alone and was hoping to be on my way home soon. A man approached me and introduce himself as Craig. He took a look at the tyres and told me there was no possibility of a night repair by the roadside, and with no local garages open, he would have to take me to a local hotel. This was a service included in my membership with them, so I never really thought anything of it. Craig told me to get all of my things from the car. He would take me to the B&B before returning to take the car to the local garage, ready for them to repair in the morning. It was around 3am at this point and I just wanted to go to bed, from where I was standing, you could see the approaching road at the side of the hill. I noticed a lone vehicle approaching, which looked like another recovery truck. I pointed this out to Craig and as soon as I did, he told me he’d be back in a moment as he needs to check the B&B has a room available before he was insured to take me there. I was slightly annoyed but, didn’t really think anything of it. I watched Craig drive off.

When the new recovery truck approached, it began to pull over. I assumed it had seen me in distress and just wanted to help. When the driver approached me, I told him I was already dealing with Craig and that he had gone to the B&B to see if the availability of rooms was there, so he was insured to take me. The driver looked very confused and looked at the front tyres, he told me that he could repair them by the roadside and that it was included as part of my membership. I was quite confused at this point, but having dug a bit deeper, it turns out that the second driver was genuine. He had no idea who Craig was and said that there was no other drivers operating within a 100 mile radius. And the worst part was, when he looked at my tyres… he said they’d intentionally been punctured by barbed wire… almost like it must have been on the road to do both.

I don’t like to think what could have happened to me that night and what ‘Craig’ really wanted. But one things for sure, I haven’t drove across Snake Pass, in over 9 months, and I don’t know if I intend to again....

3

Being a 31 year old female, living in a large village near Oxford in the United Kingdom, isn’t a problem, what is a problem is when my husband goes travelling for up to a month at a time.

We live in a large 3 bedroom detached house with neighbours either side, within shouting distance. We also have a huge, thick willow tree in our garden which looks scary, but I love. In June a couple of years ago, my husband had to leave for 3 weeks to go to Argentina on business. I was upset and knew he was too but, it was part of his job and I reluctantly let him go. On the first night I was already missing him and to try and clear my mind I took a nice, long, hot bath and put my earphones in, dumb idea, I know. I was sat listening to Nirvana, bubbles all around me and candles lighting the room. ahhhhhh , pure bliss. I was relaxing in my little slice of heaven and above the angel voice of Cobain, I swear I could hear quiet thuds. Yes, I love Kurt Cobain. I took my earphones out and could only hear the distorted fuzz of my earphones. Perhaps it was something in the song. I put my earphones back in and lost myself in Kurt’s voice when again, I heard the distinct thuds. This time I rewound the song and listened… No thuds. I was unsettled but not scared and parted ways with Cobain and turned my music off. There was silence, the odd gust of wind that howled through the house, then silence… *thud thud* I jumped and splashed water everywhere, a bit jumpy at my husband’s absence. I sat shivering, goosebumps all over my body, fear and chills. I sat, still as a statue... *thud thud*

Huhhhhh I gasped, WITH THE LIGHTS OUT… I fully wet myself as my music began playing through the earphones at full volume, louder than I had had it before. I wanted to get out of the bath but, I was too scared to move. IT’S LESS DANGEROUS. ‘Shit’ I murmured, music was playing through my earphones again. I held the button in and turned it off, I decided to jump out of the bath, wrap the towel around me and then, I didn’t know… my mind was made when I was sure I heard someone running down the hallway just outside the bathroom. I could even swear I caught sight of a shadow under the door. I shifted very cautiously towards the door deciding I couldn’t just stand there all night and as soon as I reached to grab the brass knob like something from a horror film, 3 of the 6 or 7 candles I had lit just flicked out.

I didn’t even think, I swung open the door and ran to my room, slamming the door shut behind me and leaning against it. Panting, I gathered myself and went to grab my phone. It was in the bathroom and it was off… I panicked, aimlessly looking around the room with no end goal. Confused. Scared. Alone. What was even happening? At one point I thought I was dreaming and exhausted I fell onto my bed relaxed, beginning to feel it was all over. I lay in that state between consciousness and sleep, not sure what was happening. I was brought back to the waking world with a creak from the other side of the hallway. Disorientated I climbed out of bed, put some undergarments on and one of my husbands t-shirts on and headed to the door. The creak sounded like the bathroom and I opened my door a slither. I actually came close to passing out as I noticed the bathroom door was closed. I swore to myself I left it open as I panicked, and was genuinely questioning my own actions… then I stepped onto the hallway *creeeeeeak* I was skittish and jumped at the floorboards creaking. I heard heavy footsteps from downstairs *thud thud thud* I was over the fear slightly. I went to the bathroom and opened the door. All but one of the candles was out. I put 2 and 2 together and I told myself it must have been a draft. Right? I clicked my phone back on and stood in the silence of the bathroom. I was scared, confused, lost and almost in tears. What was happening tonight? I was driving myself mad. My phone loaded and was searching for signal when ‘About A Girl’ started blasting out loud, I dropped the phone and collapsed crying into the room. I’d say around 10 minutes passed and again, I exhausted myself. I stood up and walked to the landing… as I approached I heard very loud thuds, 3 of them, from just round where I could see. Each one making me flinch, the sound, echoing through the house. I opened my eyes to see a shadow race against the moonlight, across the landing, towards me. I screamed extremely loud, ran as fast as I could to my room, closed the door and pushed a stool against it. I collapsed in bed and heard thuds all night until I passed out from exhaustion. I woke the next day, dazed and unsure of what happened the night before. I looked around, cleaning up the mess as I went, trying to ‘debunk’ what had happened. I put it down to dampness on my phone screen causing music to play, drafts making bumps and blowing out candles and the willow branches casting the shadow. The other 2 weeks and 6 days passed without further incident and even now, years later in the same house, nothing like this has ever happened. I was scared that day and until now have always suppressed this and never told anyone. Just beware, creepy stuff can happen to anyone, it’s indiscriminate and no one’s safe, watch out haha. Oh… P.S. I still love Cobain

[xottzot]

2016-01(JAN)-2&3-Monday & Tuesday-2017.

2016-01(JAN)-02a-Monday-2017.

around 3am in total darkness except for weak streetlights, nobody about and THEN I saw somebody on a pushbike that had a LED light on it go into the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD -- (I was up with Sam & Max (THEIR choice, not mine) fed them, then we were outside for their ablutions). - Windy morning and already 20C temperature.- Going to be a VERY hot day.

at 2:48---It was 40C (104F) outside here. -- I heard a strange 'rumbling' sounds outside. When I looked, what did I see do you think? -- Whatever you thought, you were wrong! -- It was actually an aboriginal adult male, trundling along behind him 2 big 'wheelie bins' on the road. He wheeled them all the way along and thru a pedestrian walkway and away. -- This is immediately suspicious. Now let me tell you why.....- its because of a known tactic that's use to transport illegal items (ie. stolen, drugs, whatever) from one place to another. Fliss and I use to always see 'Fatguts' who ran the aboriginal drug dealer place, and he was constantly strangely transporting wheelie bins away from his house on a vehicle trailer, them bringing them back again. Only to transport them away again, and return them again. -- TOMORROW IS A REGULAR RUBBISH BIN COLLECTION DAY HERE. --

at 4:26pm.....once again it's hot. 40C (104F) outside here. A LOUD 2-stroke illegal motorcycle screamed up via Kalara Way street, turned right into Kalara Road street, and rode through the pedestran walkway. - And of course it drew out aboriginals from the aborginal CRIMINAL RESIDENCE and now they are sitting on the roadside kerb around 8-10 of them including an adult female or two. For them it's like 'party in the street time' AGAIN.......

=============================================

2016-01(JAN)-02a-Monday-2017--TUESDAY

Those rubbish bins that were stolen and wheeled away by oen of the criinals from the CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD, well the bins 'magically' appeared to be empties by the council rubbish truck outside the residence....DESPITE NOBODY LIVING IN THAT HOUSE......and the criminals emphasised the bins to be emtied by outting them hard up against the kerb and well away from the CRIMINAL RESIDENCE.

Fucking illegal unlicensable motorbikes have been SCREAMING going up and down the streets during the heat of the day as well. (POLICE seem to have given up trying to capture them)

1DRE 942 09:38am--License plate number of a UTILITY vehicle which I saw yesterday parked across (and on) the road from the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD. And which looked to be somehow involved in an illegal drug drop. An adult male from the CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD caem out and ferreted in the hedge, took something out, then he walked off 180 degrees away.

Today I saw that same vehicle came around again. This time I saw it travel from the Koongamia shops direction.

But he just stopped dead in the Kalara Road, Kalara Way intersection. Why? - Because he saw workers and many vehicles at 4 Kalara Way, and he literally just stopped his vehicle on the road IN the intersection upon seeing the several vehicles parked on the verge opposite the aboriginal CRIMINAL HOUSEHOLD, as if they were a Police raiding force.

Workmen were chainsawing trees from the household where I had previously observed possible drug-drops & pickups were being made into the massively high hedge alongside there growing wild.

The ute today had a passenger.

The ute then very slowly drove down Kalara Way, then strangely stopped at the end of Kalara Way for a extended period on the road during it's travelling, then after around 45 seconds it turned left onto Clayton Street and slowly drove away towards Bellevue direction.

11:40am--approx.......the VERY NOISY chipping and chainsawing is still going on despite the very hot heat of today.

Outside in the yard (and measured under shelter) it was 40C (104F). And there was not a breath of moving air.

At 1pm it's 42C (about 108F) outside in the shade of this backyard in this hellhole. Inside this hovel, the airconditioner is not working. Sam & Max are becoming very distressed because of the heat. I have a truly massive painful headache.

At 3:20pm it's 47C degrees, (116F). Not is not a breath of moving air outside.

At 7:10pm it's 34C degrees, (93F). Not is not a breath of moving air outside. The sun is just going down over the horizon....like me.

At 8:pm its 32C degrees (90F). Not is not a breath of moving air outside. The sun has gone down. Not a whisper of any breeze. Or any air or life...like me.

And yet the 'offical' weather report recordings for this hellhole is always by them stated at least 10-15 degrees cooler. That's why reality does NOT match up the bullshit they keep spewing out. ....... at least for this fucking hellhole.

I feel extremely much in pain. Literally staggering about, having to grab hold of anything in order to take the next step to go anywhere because otherwise I'll just collpase.

Floor electric fans inside this hovel do nothing except push around terribly hot airless air. Outside is cooler-ish.....but now is full of mosquitos and bugs.

As this shitty terribly hot weather travels from this part of hell to others parts, in other Australian States, watch the news make light of it all and dismiss the suffering.

I exepct the usual fucking schedule of hell will be stuck again to very slowly cooling down over night, and just when it starts to get okay cool, the damn sun come up and it leaps up into temeprature again. It's a losing battle. Just like me. I'm a lost battle it has been decreed against me by ?

I love you Fliss and want to be with you away from this hellhole, and for us to have a new and loving life, the life we BOTH were denied by so many other.

You wuld not recognise me Fliss. Becaues of utter despair, I have lost a terrible amount of weight. My ribs stick obscenely out, and my face is becoming more gant, which I am trying to hide behind a beard. Because I have nobody worthy to talk to, my voice has gone.

YOU Fliss, may be being feted and aggrandised, and getting all the things THEY want you NOW to have just so you forget about ME...who is the poor destroyed soul here in Western Australia who still loves you deeply and dearly, and for saying that I've been ordered to kill myself.

Fliss....please dear God save me!

PLans for my death at my own hands are well at hand believe me FLiss.

Fliss, Felcity Ann Carthew, of New South Wales, Australia....Please contact me!

Tuesday......at 20:32--2016-01(JAN)-02a-Monday-2017--TUESDAY.--I love you Fliss........I've always Loved you and I never stopped loving you......and is THIS how you treat me, your loving partner by cutting off all communications between us and removing your internet presences online or hiding them!?