#this is all to avoid study because i am watching i film i don't like

[camellia-thea]

went back through and added and changed some stuff with anatomy because i reread it last night and found some inconsistencies

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[absolutebl]

Heyo! I have a friend I'm trying to get more into BL. She's watched KinnPorsche and I recently got her to watch 3 Will Be Free (I know, not BL). She's somewhat picky about the romance she likes to consume, so I thought I'd ask you which BLs you think would be best to get her started with the genre. Her specifications are 1) a good, solid plot (any type is fine); 2) slow burn; 3) and good chemistry. She also loves sci fi and fantasy. My initial thoughts are MoD, Not Me, and AToTS. Any additions?

BLs with: 1 Good Story, 2 Slow Burn, 3 Good Chemistry, 4 PNR elements if possible

I have not one specific list for you, but several! Many of these not updated so likely to recommend pre the 2023 madness. (Imma rag on some of your choices briefly: KP & MoD only satisfy one criteria - chemistry IMHO.

I did give you a final list of winners at the bottom tho!

1) BLs with the best stories:

2) BLs with best slow burn:

3) BLs with the best chemistry:

(by my definition)

4) PNR BLs (paranormal, sci-fi, or fantastical elements)

P'ABL did the math:

BLs that do or should show up on most of those lists:

Dear Doctor I’m Coming for Soul (Thailand) - the first one I thought of that satisfies all criteria. Good story, great chemistry, PNR & slow burn. By your friend's accounting, this should be the perfect BL. I'm a fan of this show and I have a full review here BUT I don't actually rec it often. Why? My quibble with DDICFS is that for dyed-in-the-wool BL or romance fans the ending may not satisfy, BUT that seems to be the one thing your friend is NOT - so this should be perfect.

Triage (Thailand) - good chemistry, frustratingly slow burn, def PNR, and good story. This was my second pull. It suffered at the time of airing from distribution issues and (perhaps more sadly) being up against KP. It's really good tho. A “correct the past” Groundhog Day plot, that has narrative baggage I normally do not like but is so clever about time loops, I have to forgive it my hang-ups. About a doctor who must save a boy to fix reality, but not in the usual way. 

Until We Meet Again (Thailand) - GREAT story, decent chemistry, very PNR, but not slow burn. It’s a perfectly executed fated mates reincarnation plot, fantastic well-seeded twists & reveals, and the only BL I would love to see adapted by other countries or read professionally translated. 

Old Fashion Cupcake (Japan) - slow burn, great story & chemistry, no PNR. This is a deceptively simple office romance that actually has a lot to say about life, love, maturity, and pancakes. It’s charming but also deeply moving and loving in its exploration of what it means to give up, and how connection can bring with it second chances. It’s also beautifully filmed and acted. 

Seven Days (Japan) - slow burn, great romance plot, good chemistry, no PNR. This is a pitch perfect elegant little YA romance that stays completely true to its yaoi roots but neatly avoids all the flaws of the genre. The story is deceptively simple but allows for angst and miscommunication to develop with VERY good reason, and is almost worth studying because of that. As a romance, it is elegant. I can see why it got stolen adapted.

1000 Stars (Thailand) - solid romance, very slow burn, okay chemistry, no PNR. All BL is romantic, but not all BL is a modern romance in the literary sense of the term, but 1k* is just that, an absolutely glorious slow burn gay romance that nods at BL but isn’t behooven to it. It’s just a really well executed linear romance story.

HIStory 3: Trapped (Taiwan 2019 Viki) - not PNR and maybe not exactly slow burn but aces everything else. (This was MY KP when it aired.) Taiwan often struggles with story because their BLs aren’t always long enough to really get stuck in, Trapped is different. It has a baby murder investigation that promotes conflict between the leads, so the romantic tension is between plot and character, it’s so smart. The leads did a GREAT job of showcasing mature chemistry. The side dishes in this series are wonderful too. The main couple has an amorphous ending, but like with Dear Doctor, that shouldn't rank under these specific circumstances.

My School President (Thai 2023 YouTube) - great chemistry, very slow burn, okay story, no PNR BUT you have to like YA. I know not everyone does. This is very youthful. GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORE this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? Possibly too slow burn for some, we wait many eps for that pay out, and Tin's pining is NOT quiet, but it defines dorky and earnest, so when the payout comes? Lovely.

About Youth (Taiwan 2022 Gaga) - exactly the same criteria as MSP just Taiwan's version. A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by an almost real world queer authenticity and grit. Full review here.

See You After Quarantine? (Taiwan 2021 Viki) - it's short there isn't a ton of story development, but it's a nice nugget introduction to Taiwan's style. Great chemistry, def slow burn, and CUTE. This under-appreciated gem is Taiwan’s answer to Gameboys and is just as charming and adorable yet still quintessentially Taiwanese. It features a Japanese love interest and the cutest most confused disaster gay. Slow burn because the two have almost no actual screen time together and yet manage some truly amazing chemistry. How does Taiwan do it?

Why no KBL?

Fascinating but despite the fact that KBL tends to earn the highest ratings from me and occupies the most slots in my 10/10 BLs of all time, because they are so short they tend to fall... erm... short in the arena of story and slow burn. Also, until recently, not a lot of great chemistry.

So here are a few others I considered but ended up eliminating for not containing enough of your required elements:

He's Coming to Me (Thailand) - review here

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korea) - this has a 12th Night meet Cinderfella feel to it, plus some great story tricks like a plot that requires a historical setting (I love it when narrative elements are codependent). 

Our Dining Table - It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. Possibly too slow for some but definitely high up there for me with the best of what Japan can do, it’s only flaw (if I dare say such a thing) is that it is not really “romantic.” Lovely & sweet but the romance beats are being used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy, it’s OK with me, but not totally BL.

DNA Says Love You (Taiwan) - full review here

Ghost Host Ghost House - if your friend likes horror and culture immersion this might be a winner. Boys shack up with ghosts and each other. The story is weak but everything else is on point and it has some of the best slow burn HOT chemistry ever to hit our screens. No... really. The THIRST is real.

Semantic Error (2022 Viki) - Simple story, no PNR, not slow burn, but for Korea it’s some of the best chemistry the traditional studios have ever managed. It is flawless BL. Truly, perfection for the genre. If your friend doesn't like this, BL is probubly not the right genre. Full review. 

Light on Me - def slow burn but story is a little weak and while there is chemistry, it's not really acted upon. Also v YA and a little stiff. I love this BL unreasonably.

KP not tagged to protect me from the fandom. Don't troll me and prove my point. Remember I can has ban hammer and am not afraid to use it.

(source)

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Tell the story backwards

You know, sometimes there is a small detail that triggers something in your brain that makes you see another perspective on something you know. 

Maybe you already did the connections and I am late to the party 😅, but this is my own recent journey through this clip and photoshoot (but mostly the clip).

I already pointed out that the teaser clip for Ruin is reversed. But I didn't try to reverse it until not so long ago. Because I thought it was easy to determine mentally what was the initial take. But well… imagining something and seeing something are two different things, one should know lol.

So that was when I noticed just a few days ago that the clock on the fireplace had a central position in the global picture that everything began.

Don't get distracted, this is the clock that I am showing there 😅 

Now, before returning to the "time" component of my analysis, I want to point out that the recurring visual theme of darkness for Joey's character and light for Madeleine's is back here too. And this is really present in this photoshoot. Madeleine is often shown in the light or toward the light, whereas Joey is often shown in a darker space or in a darker way.

The arrow of time

So ! Seeing the clock as central, I began to think about time. And my mind spiraled around the idea of time. What if time was important ?

In their songs the passing of time is something important but not really marked per se. Like we know time passes and there are a lot of memories but the songs are more like windows opening on specific moments of someone's life. In Ruin particularly, I have this feeling. This isn't totally chronological but I can imagine there is like one big story that links all the songs together. 

So I wondered. What if that clip was a window to those kinds of moments too ? So I just experimented to see what happens if I reverse the clip and what it is as they filmed it.

First, it changed the way my eyes read the picture. I should have known of course, as I studied that at the uni but I don't go on analysis mode for everything. And I surely didn't do this for this clip when I first watched it 😅.

Zoom out, like it was shown, my eyes mostly stayed on them. Because the room is pretty dark (and they are captivating 😌). But zoom in, my eyes wandered a little bit more on the room before focusing on them. And you know, there is a lot of stuff in this room 😅. Like, did you notice how much alcohol there is ?

Secondly, the scene changed in my mind because I noticed what was really happening between them. And with the song chosen for this, it made sense : Secret World.

For me, the top layer (if I can call that like that) of that song is about youth and passion. About enjoying recklessness while you can. And the rest of the album is pretty much all that went wrong but with a strength in it that helps to go through.

What we see in the clip is nothing of youth and passion, recklessness or anything. This is more of an uncommunicative couple "trapped" together. Maybe it's the turning point in their relationship. So showing us something backward is like the silent wish that things would get back to what they were.

The smile I didn't see before.

If I had to put a word on the feeling that I have while watching this clip, it would be "unhappiness". Madeleine's seems to fade, as she is the only one that looks at us and then looks away and shields herself, her hair hiding her face. 

And I realized while looking at it the other way round why I have this feeling of "fading". It's because she smiles, but reversed, the smile fades to a neutral expression. Whereas, in the correct order we see the smile growing on her face. And her body language is more coherent, especially with Joey's.

Madeleine's character is shielding from Joey's and avoiding his gaze. And she puts us it the confidence, smiling at us at the end. He tries to reach for her while bending to grasp his glass. She turns away, so she closes any interaction they could have had. He doesn't try any further and shields himself in turn.

I have reversed and cut the clip so you can watch both side separately.

The prison of "us"

I said that I have the feeling they are trapped with each other. The composition of the scene and of the picture itself does for most of it. 

First, the format. The ratio is 21:9 I believe, so the picture is quite large and a bit squeezed vertically. And it was shot in a wide angle lens which changes perspectives. 

If you look at the room in two different formats, it gives another impression of the dimensions and space.

In the first shot we can see that there is much more height and the walls seem closer. Also this is a 1:1 Instagram format which makes it like a box. In the clip everything seems wider but with a little bit of claustrophobic feeling. Because everything goes rapidly into darkness around the edges and the verticality is annihilated by the format.

Note : you can see the bottles on the right side on this (bottom) shot.

Then the elements of the picture make strong vertical and horizontal lines, but mostly vertical.

Usually, verticality gives power and height but within this format ratio and inside a dark room, it is more like the bars of a cage. Even the mirror behind them doesn't help to open the space, as the light is too ambient to create an open area. The room is big but the darkness eats the light. And this "prison" feeling can be confirmed by their body language. 

With just this clip, I could write stories. I love it 🥰.

Now I have a little bonus.

Because I went all the way down into my experimentations with time. When I reversed the clip I reversed the music also. And believe it or not Secret Worlds is listenable backwards for the most of it 😅.

Of course, the words are alien and the drums slightly of beat because the sounds are reversed but the melodic parts are incredible. So here is my favorite part backward of Secret Worlds.

Sorry I had to use the clip in slow mo to share because I can't send audio via the app.

See you around 😈

[netherfeildren]

this might be cliche... but who are your favorite authors/artists?? influences in general? aside from donna tartt?? your writing and the network of little references sprinkled in them literally make me want to tear out my wallpaper and eat it it's so good wtf do you put in it dear author?????

gosh so many things. if it's not glaringly obvious I am a huge media person so books/film/tv are all things I love and consume voraciously. I've always been a big big reader. I've made a list of some of my favorite book recs here as well as some of my favorite films here

I'm also a big lover of the ballet and the city I live in has a large company which I go to watch every chance I get, the last one I saw was swan lake and it was wonderful :) I've found it's a great source of inspiration when it comes to choreography on the page. when writing large amounts of physical scenes ie. sex or action or what have you physical descriptors and body placements become tedious and repetitive and I like looking to dance as a source for differentiation in my own written choreography. If you're a writer I'd definitely recommend for physical aspects!

I also obviously really love art and although I wouldn't say I'm very well studied or deeply knowledgeable on the subject I know what I like and have a clear grasp on my tastes. I'm endlessly scrolling Pinterest for visuals that inspire me, and I'm also a big museum person and as I travel a fair amount, whenever I'm traveling I go to lots of museums.

not to sound cliche as well but music is also obviously and of course a big influence in my work. when I was writing greener memories of better men I'd initially gotten the idea from this random Facebook post I'd seen but the true tone of the story came from the song The Weight by The Band. After writing several different versions of Joel's so in depth I've found now I'm worried about becoming repetitive in my characterization of him which is tricky because it's extremely extremely important to me that my iterations of him be true to his canon personality. I'm not a big fan of an OOC Joel and it's important to me to always stay true to who I think he really is in his original story personality wise, u know? but at the same time it becomes difficult navigating the inevitability of monotony when writing the same character over and over again. so I suppose what I try to do each time is provide a different view of the same man. for some reason that song brought that version of him I was trying to write very into focus for me at that moment. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense lol but sometimes inspiration or direction arises from strange places.

I feel like I've talked too much about Nabokov this year but I've been very slowly studying his work this year and I feel he's been a huge influence on my tone and cadence as I've progressed. I feel like he switches between having a very complicated way of saying very simple things and then saying very complicated things in very simple ways. he's also a master at sentence structure - again when trying to avoid monotony - I like studying the way he crafts these truly complicated sentences into a single monolith without ever actually breaking any rules of grammar or if he does it's in a way that doesn't seem wrong, if u know what I mean. he also comes up with he strangest metaphors for the smallest things. the last thing I read he describes a man's face as a "wet galosh" to tell us he was morose or sad or what have you and it's just soooo funny and interesting to me. I need my own mind to work in strange and creative ways like that, I'm trying to train it into doing so

if you're eating your wallpaper please make sure it isn't yellow, we don't want you getting trapped!

[an-obsessed-cactus]

Ello ello ello!

honestly not sure yet what this page will be about(i do know i just don't want to admit to myself it'll be a random stream of consciousness à la James Joyce) but i thought I'd make a kind of introductory post about myself at least so here goes.(fandoms are listed at the bottom cuz at the heart of it tumblr is a place for obsessed freaks like myself). also I'm new to tumblr so its ways and etiquette are still unknown to me. but i will learn promise. anyway.

Name's Dorian/Bree(still deciding so take your pick and I'll see what sticks). I'm omnisexual aroace(went down the traditional pipeline surprise surprise) and go by she/her tho atm whole gender identity is kind of a mystery to me so that could change. edit: trying they/them rn to see how it feels

I'm finishing high school this year so my life'll be a bit hectic for a while(was for the last 4 years tbh). Cause I'm interested in one thing too many and can't make decisions to save my life and also cause I'm an anxious mess who can't relax, I'm taking a gap year. I'm planning on getting some rest to get back what remains of my mental health (which sadly ain't much but such is life). I'm gonna go travelling around a bit(rn pretty sure about Norway, UK, France & myb Japan) and honestly if I make any friends on here it'd be sick if someone joined me so that's always open.

Then next year, when I finish my soulsearching, I'll prolly go study sth cuz that's how the world works. I'd love to be either a writer or film director (or myb a therapist). My dream is to study film in UK(as a career writing and filmmaking is pretty much a tie, but filmmaking sounds just a tiny smidge more stable. Not giving up on writing in the least, but I feel like studying is more necessary for film than writing?) I love watching series and films not only because of the story, but because of the way it's told. I love to overanalyze the storytelling, the characters and different dynamics between them(and honestly just everything about the film) or read others' post overanalyzing it, so a film/series(does that exist?) critic sounds like an awesome job as well. But I'd like to be in the middle of the making and tell my own stories. Cinema's a bit sad in my country (non-existent more like) so studying abroad sounds like the only real option if I wanna make it in the industry. It's also an opportunity to meet more people interested in the stuff that I am so hopefully it works out. Fingers crossed 🤞🤞

Obviously, if one's obsessed with cinema, you can hardly avoid falling down the rabbit hole that are the fandoms. I'm currently fixated on Good Omens and would love to find some humans I can discuss it with cuz my irl friends(tho I love them with all my heart) just don't go temporary insane over fandoms the way I do.

I get random moments of revelation about other fandoms as well, so here's a list:

Good Omens

MCU(pls no spoilers post Wakanda Forever. I'm kinda runnin a bit late but I'll catch up I promise)

Sherlock

ATLA

MLB

Star Trek

TOH

Lucifer

Megamind

Umbrella Academy

BBC Merlin

Hannibal

Stranger things

Witcher

TVD(was my first real fandom so it still persists even tho I'm not really into it much anymore)

myb some more that I forgot

I'll prolly be adding stuff here as I figure out what I wanna talk about, but one of the things I'm working on is getting rid of perfectionism so this is it for now. I tried to keep it brief but that obviously hadn't worked out lmao. Could be worse(much, much worse)

[the-most-lamentable]

oh baby it's askin' time. 58, 66, 73, 90, and 21 for funs :)

Good evening, got booted out of my account for a moment but I am back and presently avoiding working on my writing projects ( will be working after this because my project list is ever expanding and I Still need do get done the ch3 illustration aaaaaa)

What's the last thing a fic made you Google when you were writing it?

Uhh the last thing was the bus system in the Tampa Bay area to Plant city for the immortal blade story. He starts off as a college student before having the worst night of his life brought to you by maybe a few too many Jaegerbombs.

In other research I tried an energy drink to see how it would feel as I have a scene in that Eugenia is an incredibly passive aggressive ghost wherein Keith absolutely crashes right before a show so Mickey gives him a monster thinking what's the worst that could happen? It goes poorly.

When have you felt the most confident in your writing?

Occasionally when I'm working on a project I'll have one of those moments where I realise Hey I just set up and paid off some very nice bits of theme and motif Ohoho it's all coming together, I've connected the dots. It's usually then.

Otherwise, my best writing? This line I wrote at 4 am.

"“Well- jokes on you! Both of my parents are dead!” Kevin sputtered.

Jeremy paused for a moment. Someone nearby shouted, “Her ghost is disappointed!” The crowd murmured in agreement."

How do you visualize scenes? Do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

So when I first start drafting a story I will be sitting there staring at a wall and there's a tiny film projector in my head playing out key beats, very visual but also vibe driven. The Great Imposter was very one to one in the scene beats and imagery I came up with initially like the imagery of the study sequence where he's stuck watching the action unable to act, or the whirring ambulance lights in sprinkling rain for Shock Blanket.

When I actually start writing it's a bit of both, my brain is multitasking to high hell. Those central images serve as a guide which is supported by insane amounts of character research and story structure. Most of the chapter illustrations are those initial clear images translated to drawing. I figure if the iconography is so effective to me, it should hopefully work on my audience too as a supplement to the vibes.

Do you notice your own voice in your writing?

Exceedingly so, yes. While I do make an effort to write within character logic and voice, it is still my writing. I have been told my usual voice is resemblant of a late 1800s British satirist, which seems fair (irony is the death of sincerity, my deepest struggle writing) however other inspirations include: Terry Pratchett, Lemony Snickett, Clue 1985, Tj Klune, David Sedaris, etc. All this to say always very dry humor, fast rhythm, and exceedingly long metaphors that are just a bit too specific.

Pick a writer to co-write a book and tell us what you'd write about.

Uhhhh I don't know but if you ever want to write a story together here's my pitches that I am coming up with on the spot (absolutely no pressure, i just dont know how else to answer this):

An AU of Homeward, Boumd where the Beans are all human, but still just as fucked up. Like Chris mentions offhand that his brother once threw him into a hole in their basement and left him for dead and everyone is just !!!??????

Celia Bean had an affair (outside of her one with Robert of course) which after an ancestry test brings James's number of suprise siblings up to 3. I just feel like him and Chris have similar vibes. Plus the chaos of introducing these two groups, particularly Cornley being perhaps a little too snooping over this (Jonathan and Dennis trying to casually hide behind a newspaper in a café only to be immediately clocked by Chris)

I've got an urban fantasy noir sorta story where magic is real and the whole thing kicks off with a spell backfiring and James's dad disappearing. Features things such as Keith and Mickey Co running a psychic shop (Keith runs the shop, Mickey is his glorified landlord, roommate, and self nominated HR department), Kevin getting up to shenanigans as a ghost, human glowsticks being abused for said glowing, werebear the ultimate bear, group sleepover (See: James and Mickey fall asleep and nobody has the heart to wake them). I believe I've mentioned this one before.

Anyways thanks for the ask, forgive me if it's A bit incomprehensible I am extremely sleep deprived from an absolute eager with my friend last night wherein we reorganized her bedroom and then discussed theology till 4 am. Best wishes, Jon, I don't know why I'm signing off like an email but it's there now

[ivettel]

behind the curtain ep 4

bit late with this one but i wanted to finish laundry first so here we go.. notes on this bitch

right off the bat, yes! i did rotoscoping!

what! after avoiding it since 2017!! shoutout to jennifer @antoniosvivaldi for inspiring me to do that, btw. you should absolutely check out her stuff if you haven't already--her style is so unique and refreshing!

for the most part, i think they turned out swell--after effects behaved itself for once, which like, thank fuck, because i was on a call with fio @maranello and others at 1 in the morning like "haha! i totally know what i'm doing!" narrator voice they did NOT know what they were doing, they were making educated guesses based on past horrible experiences (hence avoiding rotoscoping for years 💀).

but this is meant to be educational lol so! what is rotoscoping? simply put, it's a tracing technique. it has its roots way back in animation when tech was starting to pick up in like the 1920s and artists wanted a more efficient way of animating. rotoscoping is one of those tools that've been used differently from how it was originally intended, which is actually? so cool from like, a media arts study perspective?? because it's commonplace to use it for live-action film and vfx work as a way to mask scenes out and isolate them in addition to its original use of mapping things to isolated scenes. i won't bore you with the stuart hall encoding/decoding stuff, but just know that i find the development of digital art circa adobe dominance fascinating. i am using this century-old animation technique to impose my blorbo upon the eyes of thousands.

ANYWAY. i really liked this particular mask--it has a lot of movement but still manages to flow nicely?

me: [cuts off luke's arm] fio: i think that's his arm me: oh... my god

next up: the lightsaber

goodness. where do i start. well first of all i had a vision of something much more 2d when it comes to lightsaber anatomy, lol. but i extended my subscription for maxon and figured--why not take full advantage of this while i've still got it? so i got this 3d model of luke's lightsaber. it's untextured and unrigged and clunky but thankfully it had most of the inner parts so as far as i'm concerned i struck GOLD.

idk what i can really say in terms of like What Is 3d Modelling, because i think people have an understanding of that. so we'll go instead thru my process!

i added materials and added a null object (does that count as rigging? for something as straightforward as this?) to do a simple rotation animation on the first day...

and then i had an idea before bed to separate the parts like that one scene in the clone wars where they show how a lightsaber is assembled, except i haven't watched the scene so god knows how they animated it NKJFGNDFKJGDF. anyway the day after, this was kinda where i got:

keyframing on c4d is a Bitch because u can't just Access The Graph Editor you have to go through the dope sheet and change ur views and it's just. annoying!! coming from an after effects standpoint! but i can see how it's optimized for Actual Animation work so ughgh. we deal. onwards..

asked the team over at usergif and natalie @kenobiis suggested putting in a kyber crystal to fill out the middle. i ended up taking the og "laser" cylinder and modifying/animating it because uh THIS is the real inside of a lightsaber and i am not putting all that into a 3 second gif LMAO. but yeah i fine-tuned the animation and plopped it in after effects, then fiddled with video copilot's saber to make luke's blade.

u might notice the motion blur--that's re:vision's RSMB! i also added a little bit of depth of field with frischluft, but it doesn't show up well in gif form. speaking of things that don't render well:

there is A FUCK TON of aliasing going on. i couldn't make any anti-aliasing settings work for some reason so i ended up trying to smooth it out in ae.. to probably not a lot of effect. i got the very edges around it smoothed out with the classic gaussian blur and a matte choker method, but the black rings are killer. ugh. it's whatever, i figure i'll work something better out for the next time.

finished animation in c4d + the final gif:

the rest

everything else is fairly basic and intuitive i think? obviously used shape layers + alpha mattes, my beloved. i fucked up a little on the text because i think i made my offset keyframes backwards somewhere in the middle of the process but at that point i was too lazy to go back in and fix it. oops!

anyway if u got this far hello thank u i hope this was informative in some way. if u have any questions don't be afraid to ask :D

[icarianiscariot]

hi! for the ask game: 1, 3, 11, and 13 :-)

from this list

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

oh jeez hahahaha... how to not just say "trauma" for all of this! hmmm. but also, i'd say that who i am now is someone who is conflict-avoidant, strives for kindness, tries (perhaps fails) to play cards close to the chest, craves intimacy while also constantly expanding my friend groups to unsustainable amounts... a lot of these things are because of traumatic experiences! my first ever poetry slam made me into the poet i am today though. that's a positive one - it definitely is the reason my art is at the level it is and why i've always worked for this. is it cheesy to mention books? the percy jackson series got me into ancient greek / classical studies which is hugely informative of my art now! although i don't know if that quite addresses "who i am" moreso than informs "what i do" yknow? hmmmm

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

OH MAN first knee-jerk thought was paranorman. the martian, easily. hmmmmmm... i feel like it's been so long since i last was really into a specific film, i've been so anime/series focused these days. big hero six is another one of my all-time favs though so i'll just go with that to round out the list!

11. what do you consider to be romance?

oh man. umm. i mean, i have things i associate with my own experience of romantic feelings, a loss of control and a possessiveness and a constant nausea and desperation, but none of those things are romantic, yknow? i'd say romance is thinking of someone even when you have no reason to; it's "i saw this and thought of you"; it's "i want to do this new exciting thing and you're the person i want to do it with"; it's "waking up next to you is what makes mornings bearable"; it's having their brain tucked right into yours at all times, of knowing someone deeply and incomparably and making the decision every day to hang onto it (without it destroying you or consuming you, but instead making you thrive). it's making this whole list and thinking, "but a lot of things are best-friend-type things" but if you were to make eye contact with them after, you'd laugh together, or blush, or turn away.

13. what are you doing right now?

sitting in my living room procrastinating on doing work :D

[mybrokenveins3000]

I’m starting uni in just over 2 weeks too! How are you feeling about it? You probably get that question a lot, I know I do, I usually just say I’m excited but a bit nervous because explaining how I’m really feeling is too much haha. I’d love to hear how your really feeling about it though, I feel like it would be nice to hear someone else’s experience even if it’s just to remind anyone else going that we’re in the same boat :)

HELLO HI thank u for. talking to me, it's really nice to know i'm not alone out here on tumblr/the world :,) NOW get ready for an unnecessarily long + personal answer bc i love to talk 😀👍

ok so i'm in a bit of an interesting position because i took a gap year. sixth form burnt me out academically and emotionally so i knew i had to do something else for a bit to fall back in love with the idea of being student. AND I HAVE!! so like you, im immensely, immensely excited.

one advantage of doing this is that i got to watch my friends and how they got on in first year. i'm feeling quite confident because of how much i observed and learnt, how to avoid making mistakes/what mistakes i'm inevitably going to make. im quite lucky, im comforted by the fact that i already know a few people there bc i deferred, but im also able to make new friends. sorry, this answer is so niche and specific atm ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.

but like you, i'm so nervous. i cannot contain how genuinely terrified i am, the idea that MY WHOLE LIFE AS I KNOW IT is completely changing — im actually gonna shit myself. like this year i really got to a position where i really like myself, i feel on top of the world because i feel like i know myself and how my life looks like, WDYM THATS ALL GOING TO CHANGE. oh, the dread i feel when my parents with drive back home without me. i've really learnt to love so many things abt my pre-uni life as well, i wish i could set up myself up to not have my heart break, but that's inevitable and SCARY.

it's all so close as well, i think about what my life will look like in two/three weeks and i see nothing? in the least fatalistic way. it's both a comfort and a nightmare.

i'm moving from a small town to a big city (such a cliché), so of course i'm like. 🎶JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLL, LIVIN IN A LONELYY WORLDD🎶 excited, i feel like my life is expanding outward like a galaxy and that the next three years are a blank canvas for me to do whatever the fuck i want with, be whoever i want to be, study what i LOVE (english lit and film [ofc im doing film, reader in that fresher!ross oneshot is embarrassingly based off me]), take every opportunity that's available to me, do things i otherwise would never be able to do in this town. im so excited to meet new people and to talk (u can tell i like to talk 💀), it's just really nice to know i'm on the border of some of the best memories/most formative years of my life.

but im also grieving this idea of growing up. it will surely pain me to move all my stuff from my childhood bedroom to a new place, to not have my parents' cooking everyday, to come back an adult and be regarded to as an adult. ITS A REAL MIXED BAG. i dunno if any of this helps, im shitting it but i am so so so excited.

last thing i will say that might help anyone reading is that, hey, im a delusional girlie, i started a fanfic account of gods sake, so i tend to fantasise and fictionalise my life, have expectations on what my life or what this milestone should look like. eg. in uni i will find the love of my life and we will be together forever (exaggerated example but an example nonetheless) — im saying this more for me but the answer is to let go of expectations. operate on no plan. organise your academic life sure, but personal life wise, BE FREE! take every situation as it comes and don't give yourself a headache thinking too far ahead. from what i've heard and read, thats a big thing people in their twenties have to deal with, with some people having children, getting married, whilst others are job searching, still in school etc. ive only just turned 19 so that's far away from me atm, but it's just a good thing to remember that everyone's life is different, paced differently, and there's no fix structure anyone needs to follow.

that's about it, let me know your thoughts :,) sorry this was so long 💀 but thank you for asking that because i enjoyed answering 🫶🫶🫶 please know that you are not alone, if u need a friend during uni, theres a you-sized hole in my messages/asks inbox thats all for you.

[lazybutsmexy]

Hey love, I've been re reading your Canary story and I find it really, really good. Every chapter is just chef's kiss. I love your writing very very much.

Excuse me if this has been asked before. I was wondering if you could tell more about how you write, your process. Some ideas of writing myself have been floating in my head but I am more of a visual person, i draw more and I have never written anything like that. (Only my university thesis 😭)

I am not sure where to start and if I should follow any guidelines or something. Any advice? 🫣

Hello sweet anon! You made my day with your kind words, and even more with asking me for advice.

I'm not an expert writer (if such a thing exists) but I can share my writing process with you. I will use some examples from BH since you've already mentioned it, and also because it's my most expansive piece so far. (Under the cut for length)

Brainstorming

Ideas, ideas, ideas! Write down your first ideas anywhere. Notes app, Google docs, a notebook you've got lying around, anything goes. This is the moment when you put into writing any ideas you've got - no matter if you think they're silly, or need a whole plot for that one idea to work - write it down. How did the process of your uni thesis start? You came up with an idea and wrote it down. How did BH start? I opened Google docs and wrote "Ghost x Reader x Soap where reader gets kidnapped and her boys gotta find her FAST. Lots of bird references. Her name could be Canary."

Rough draft

Here's where you start putting those ideas into a rough shape. More than a story, you're aiming for a descriptive text, like a review or a report on what's happening to whom, who are involved, etc. This is the moment where you may add notes about your characters, reader and/or OC, and start playing around with their personalities, how they behave in certain situations, how they think, how they feel, how they connect to other characters.

If you are a bit of a perfectionist like me, and want your writing to feel like you're watching a film, research, investigate, study from different sources on how to create a more expansive universe in your writing. If you're a visual-oriented person, a pinterest board will absolutely help you describe settings, events and characters. (read more on my personal approach on character description below)

Your rough draft doesn't need to be too long. Each chapter of BH started out as a couple paragraphs long, just a summary of what I wanted to write in each chapter. You can add whatever you like, though, even dialogues you can't get out of your head. Johnny and Simon's last lines in Ch 8 were the central piece of my rough draft for that chapter.

Writing

Now here comes the loooooongest part. Here's where you fill in the blanks of your rough draft. This is the moment when you open up all your sources, your thesaurus and dictionary, and go wild.

Character, setting and scene description gets stronger here. You could've started this part in the rough drafy - now amp it up to 100. Use as many words as you like - you will edit it later, don't worry.

Start setting the tone of your story here as well. BH has LOTS of suspense-filled moments, POV changes, and cliffhangers, mostly because that's my personal preference in readings. This is one source on how to write suspense (can't remember all the ones I looked up). Definitely research about different writing genres to see which one applies the best for your story, and set up the guidelines based on the advice from different sources. If possible, read other authors' works on the same genre you're aiming at to get a full picture of the things you should try, or try to avoid.

Take your time, if you feel stuck in one scene in particular, go on to the next one and go back to it with fresher ideas.

Editing

I don't usually spend a long time editing, but it's different for everyone. I recommend you find yourself a beta-reader who can read your story with a fresh mind and point out inconsistencies, grammar/syntax mistakes, etc. Beta-readers are the unsung heroes of writing. A good beta-reader will not only hype you up about how good your story is looking, but will also objectively help you fix anything that needs fixing, and may have escaped you during writing.

Now a few notes about character description that no one asked but I can't help it:

Fanfiction is great for beginner writers because you've already got a cheat sheet with characters that have already been created by someone else, and a fandom that fills in the blanks via headcanons.

When describing characters, I personally avoid physical descriptions like a plague, especially if that character is a reader insert or an OC. Physical description can sometimes behave like a box or a label that you put your character into and once they're there, they can hardly get out. I focus more on personality, feelings and emotions.

I also expand the character building throughout the story. Take Canary for example - you don't stop learning about her, her feelings, her emotions, her desires, her regrets, until the end of the story, and yet so much more was left unsaid. Also officer Melanie Kirk, you keep learning about what was she like even after she was gone from the story. Doesn't that make them feel more real? You never start learning about a person's character in real life anyway.

It got much longer than I expected, but I hope it helps! Happy writing!

[aviculor]

Next up for this evening is Thanatomorphose. The Sadness will be a real tough act to follow, but off the bat I can say this one isn't on any of my bookmarked sites and I have to go on effedupmovies to watch it. So...we'll see what happens.

Okay, definitely more of an experimental art student vibe here. I get the impression that this is crossing the line from "horror movie" into "halfway down the disturbing movie iceberg".

The acting is awful. I'm studying their mouth movements to see if the dialogue is dubbed over, but no I just think they don't speak English fluently. Which raises further questions about the director and why he released his film like this. Did he not do multiple takes? Did he not care about the absolute dogshit line delivery? He should have just shot it in French if English was a problem for the actors.

The plot is that a young woman slowly rots while alive. Her life sucks, her boyfriend sucks, her landlord sucks, the sculpture she's working on sucks, everything sucks so she's literally decomposing because of ennui. She treats her symptoms, sucks off her friend to get him to go away instead of helping her, tries to turn her fallen-off pieces into an art installation, and the movie ends when she finally collapses as a skeleton. It's all painfully pretentious, but at least the effects were great...when we finally got down to business nearly an hour in. It absolutely did not need to be an hour and 35 minutes long. There are several psychedelic interludes like a Rob Zombie video but worse, and it's just really bad.

I don't know, I didn't like this one. It made me squirm, which was the point, but there was little to no real entertainment value to it. Which is how I think I'd feel about a lot of films that I conscientiously avoid. Other films I've watched which were carried by their effects at least had a baseline of competency at, you know, being films. This was just unpleasant. I am glad I saved it for my late game though.

[yeslordmyking]

I want to be a crazy fashionista fangirl again 💔

[halfmoondaze]

hii, can i request a jack x reader (angst to fluff)? tysm :)

This day couldn't have gone any worse than it already has. Today was your history final, and you were 100% sure you failed it, considering you turned it in completely blank. You were sure everyone else noticed, and you felt like a failure, stupid and ashamed. And if that wasn't bad enough, you also had to deal with your father destroying your self-esteem over the phone about how little you cared about his efforts.

You looked over your phone to find over 20 messages and 9 missed calls from Jack. You turned off your phone and decided to call it a night went to bed.

You woke up sometime around 7 pm and then the memories from what happened earlier started to hit you and you felt sad again. But you decided to brush it off as you had to get something to eat.

You started walking to the kitchen when a voice startled you.

"Y/N"

"hey, what are you doing here?"

"What you mean what I'm doing here? We had plans remember?"

A big wave of guilt instantly hit as you remembered the plans you made 2 months in advance to see each other.

"I'm sorry I must have forgotten"

"I can see that" he said annoyed. "Well, we can still go out, I'll wait for you to get changed"

"Jack, I can't go out right now. I'm not feeling good. I think I'm on my period" you lied.

He looked at you confused.

"You told me you had your period a week ago"

"Fuck" you internally cursed at yourself as you were now caught in a lie.

"Y/N what's going on?"

"Nothing"

"It's not nothing, you've been avoiding me all day, and now that I took a flight from L.A. here to see you, you don't even want to see me"

"I'm so sorry, I-" you apologized but stopped yourself mid-sentence as your voice started to crack.

As Jack took a quick look at you he noticed your eyes were red from crying and your lip was trembling. So, he pulled you into a hug and you completely broke down crying.

He just hold you for the next 10 minutes until you calmed down. He didn’t asked you any questions or commented on your constant apologies.

Eventually you fell asleep while you were sitting in the couch.

When you woke up the next morning, you were hit with the smells of pancakes, eggs and bacon.

You look around to see Jack placing a breakfast spread on the table probably from some diner nearby.

“Look who's up”

You walked over the table and you were greeted by Jack smiling at you.

“Hey”

“Hey”

“um about last night-”

“We don't have to talk about this right now, let’s just enjoy this. I missed you” he said as he kissed the top of your head.

The both of you enjoyed breakfast with Jack doing most of the conversation trying to cheer you up; which made you feel more guilty inside for avoiding him.

After breakfast he cleared the table and offered you to watch a film. Which you agreed.

However, you were having a hard time concentrating on the film and Jack was quick to notice but didn't wanted to push you.

Once the film was over, you felt the need to tell him what was going on. Part of you knew he was worried about you and the last thing you wanted was for him to feel responsible over your sudden change of mood.

When you looked up at him he looked back at you with a half smile in way encouraging you to say what you wanted to say.

“I’m sorry about last night”

“Its ok, Im not mad at you”

“You're not?”

“No, but I am worried about you. Tell me what’s wrong I want to help you” he said holding your hand.

You looked down.

“I’m pretty sure I failed all my classes including history. I told my dad about it and he yelled at me for what felt like hours over the phone. I feel so stupid because I literally turn in the assignment completely blank because I completely forgot everything I tried to study for the past two weeks. I guess I didn’t call you back because I was so ashamed”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t”

“There’s no need to apologize, its ok” he said softly as he hugged you.

“I feel like my life is over”

“That’s not true. It’s going to be ok; I’ll help you figure this out”

“You will do that for me?”

“Of course. You didn’t though I was going to let you go through this by yourself, did you?”

[peachyysugaa]

scream

― youtuber!park sunghoon x streamer!gn!reader

it's hard to stream horror video games when your neighbor is always filming dangerous mukbangs and screaming.

genre: e2l, neighbors au, angst to fluff, humor

wc: 3.2k

warnings: horror game mentions, cw food and mentions of cooking live things (inspired by this youtuber), sunghoon's a jerk at first :<, one mention of underage drinking (don't follow mc's example pls fisnfkskf), a few swear words

part of my youtuber enhypen series, the last upload! feel free to read on its own! ♞──────────────────────────♞

"AAAGH!" and there it is. your brows furrow upon hearing your neighbor's cry. does he not understand how thin these walls are?! there's a reason only college students stay here! grimacing, you ignore it and move your mouse to look around the dark house.

"oh shoot, i wonder if he's behind me?" you say to your audience while watching your viewers fill the chat with your custom subscriber emojis. "i'm going to do it, everyone, just―"

"OHMYGODOHMYGOD WHYYY?!"

more like why couldn't you be quiet?! you close your eyes in frustration but attempt to keep a straight face for the people watching you. "sorry if you heard that, i guess someone's having a bad day?" you chuckle nervously as you turn around in the video game to see a black slender figure. "oh! whoa, okay, i'm just going to run over here."

you got out of the creepy house and made it to the back of it to see a piece of paper on the wall. "oh, here! okay, this is going to be my last piece unless―whoa!!" the jumpscare comes up, and you're left taken aback as the game over screen appears. laughing at your shocked self, you're filled with glee upon seeing the audience laugh or scream with you. "that was really fun, everyone. i got some homework to do though, so i'll see you all next time i stream! bye bye!" you wave goodbye to the camera and watch as the viewer number drops gradually. after a few minutes, you shut off your stream, place your headphones on its stand, and push back in your secret labs chair with a sigh. "why did i have to live next to a maniac...?" you grumble.

you got out of the creepy house and made it to the back of it to see a piece of paper on the wall. "oh, here! okay, this is going to be my last piece unless―whoa!!" the jumpscare comes up, and you're left taken aback as the game over screen appears. laughing at your shocked self, you're filled with glee upon seeing the audience laugh or scream with you. "that was really fun, everyone. i got some homework to do though, so i'll see you all next time i stream! bye bye!" you wave goodbye to the camera and watch as the viewer number drops gradually. after a few minutes, you shut off your stream, place your headphones on its stand, and push back in your secret labs chair with a sigh. "why did i have to live next to a maniac...?" you grumble.

as if on cue, another scream is heard from the other side of the wall. "EEE! oh my god, i'm going to do it, i'm going to do it!"

what on earth was this kid doing that he was screaming every weekend? you didn't even scream that much, and you played horror games for a living! your stomach growls as you're thinking this and as a living human being, you listen to it and get up to make ramyeon. however, even as you're making your dinner and even as you're trying to enjoy it with some show playing on the tv, of course, you have to be subjected to your neighbor's loud yells. once you're finished, you notice how oddly quiet it is and decide to give whoever this guy was a piece of your mind.

marching over with your keys in hand, you knock aggressively on apartment no. 505 until it opens. behind the door is a tall male with a face so well-proportioned you're thinking it's possible that some being above sculpted it themselves. his nose is accented with one mole on the side of his nose bridge and another a few centimeters under the opposite eye. "can i help you?" his rich voice asks with a slight sting to it.

you snap yourself out of it by blinking, incredulous that you almost forgot your mission just because he has a handsome face. "yea, you can help me by being quieter," you boldly state with your arms crossed in front of your chest. "you realize you're not the only one living in this complex, right? the walls are so thin, i can hear you screaming every time."

the male raises an eyebrow at you and scoffs to the side as if he can't believe what he's hearing. "can you just deal with it? some of us have to make a living."

"news flash, dude, that's all of us! the only people who would be willing to live in this place are college students! listen, i stream horror games for my work, and i don't even scream as loud as you," you retort and point your index finger from you to him. "so i think you should learn how to keep your volume down."

"and why haven't i heard these complaints from anyone else?" he tries to debate back.

"maybe because they're just quietly tolerating you. as for me, i can't anymore, so take this as your first warning, room 505." you turn around quickly with a huff and speed to your apartment next door.

as you're above to close the door, you hear him shout back at you. "my name's park sunghoon, room 506. remember it, because i'm going to make your life a living hell."

"l/n y/n, park sunghoon. we'll see about that." with that, you both simultaneously shut your doors with a slam that causes the walls to shudder a bit.

oh, he kept his promise alright. from stare-downs in the hallway, to bringing weird live animals in the elevator at the same time you're in there, to snarky remarks at the entrance that almost always lead to fights, park sunghoon has definitely made your life hell. to make matters worse, his screaming got even louder. you're sure that's a violation of some rule, right? wrong, the management for the building doesn't care all too much, as long as he's not doing anything illegal and nobody else has complained. you get what you paid for is the right saying here.

you were not having it. as a streamer and college student, weekends are your days with the freest time, and he took that from you. you found out that he was not just a college student but a youtuber, one that filmed dangerous mukbangs with live animals that he would then cook and eat, and because of that, he had also chosen to film on weekends. that was exactly why you had always encountered his screaming on days you were streaming, and now, tired of how petty he was, you decided to just cram your weekdays with school and streaming.

at first, it was fine, but as your days became packed with more studying on the weekends at the library to avoid sunghoon, you grew tired: tired of the crammed weekdays and for god's sake, tired of living your life running away. taking out a bottle of peach soju that your upperclassman dancer friend had snuck for you, you pop it open and make your way to the balcony that you barely used.

as you take a swig of the alcoholic beverage, you prop yourself onto the railing and gaze at the buildings before you, their lights blinding you from the stars of the night sky. maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's your low energy state, but something compels you to scream. "i'm so tired!!" you yell out to the skyline. letting out a sigh, you plop down into the spare plastic chair and go for another drink.

"drinking your worries away? that's not going to solve anything," a male voice speaks up. your eyes catch sight of sunghoon, who has slid open his own balcony door. he's dressed in a casual beige hoodie and sweats as if he had spent the day just relaxing.

"as if you care," you mumble with your lips pressed against the green glass. "you're literally at the root of all my problems."

he scoffs at your statement. "this again? look, i'm getting tired of you placing all this blame on me when i'm—"

"are you so sure about that?" you calmly and sternly interrupt. the alcohol really has unlocked your usually inhibited thoughts. "why did i move my streaming days onto the weekdays when i normally spend them studying? because your screaming on the weekends always got picked up by my mic. why do i get 4 hours of sleep every day and study all night at the library on weekends?" it's like when sunghoon had taken a stick to prod at you, the floodgates burst open. you weren't stopping until you gave him a piece of your mind. "because i have to cram my streaming schedule and studying schedule to accommodate to your filming one. maybe i am blaming you, but i've tried my best to do my job all while studying and having to deal with an asshole like yourself who's so inconsiderate that he can't even do one thing for his neighbor who's practically dying to adjust their lifestyle because of someone else's."

your neighbor goes silent after that, choosing to just sigh and go back inside his apartment. you relish in the silence that comes after he shuts the door and down the rest of your bottle before heading back inside yourself. strangely after that incident, you heard less and less of sunghoon on the weekend and thus were able to return to your normal schedule. even while passing by him, he kept his mouth shut and would just nod a cordial hello. you guess what you said that night really got through to him.

and he proves that because after about three weekends, you hear a knock on your door. upon opening it, you're surprised to see sunghoon behind it, his hands behind his back as he shifts side to side. "oh, hello sunghoon," you greet him awkwardly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"hey y/n," he returns. the youtuber stops fidgeting for a moment and bows after gathering up some courage. "listen, i just want to say i'm sorry." he looks up at your face, searching for some sign of hatred and he thankfully finds none, so he continues. "i didn't realize how much of an asshole i was until you said that. i was just thinking about myself and not about you or anybody else. i hope i was able to prove it to you these past three weeks, and i promise i won't go back to my old habits."

your silence is not so reassuring, so sunghoon nervously lifts his head to peek at your face to find an astonished expression. you stammer a little bit and hold the doorframe to keep yourself in place. "u-uh... gosh, i don't know what to say, sunghoon," you stutter. then, you notice another neighbor exiting the elevator, looking at the two of you strangely since sunghoon is still lowering his head. "oh! you can stand up straight now! please."

he does as you say, smiling sheepishly, and you notice how much better he looks smiling than the usual smirks he had sent you before. "apology accepted, sunghoon."

"r-really?"

you nod. "i mean, you really have proven yourself lately, so i don't see why i shouldn't."

"great!" his smile grows wider, making you blush and look anywhere but his face. "then i have a surprise for you to start over." you shoot him a confused look that he disregards out of boyish excitement. "close up, come over to my place for a few."

"o-okay, give me a moment, i'll be right over," you say as he rushes back to his apartment. you hurriedly grab your keys and look in the mirror next to your door to smooth out your hair before you're scolding yourself for caring about looks when he literally just saw you. closing the door, you lock up, head over to room 505, and knock.

"it's open," his voice calls from inside, and with that, you push the door open to find the living space of your own apartment, except totally flipped. to your left is a small living room, complete with a two-seater couch, a tv stand, and a tv. whereas to your right, there was a dining room fit for two, the kitchen right behind it before a hallway leads to the single bedroom and bathroom. you're too busy taking in this opposite room that you don't notice the fish tank on the round table full of live fish. "come over here," he says with an enthusiastic grin.

"yah, park sunghoon. what in the world is this?" you say flabbergasted.

"i'm showing you what i do for a living and cooking you a fresh meal," is all he has to say as you grimace and reluctantly move towards him. "this is my second time cooking it, so it should go a lot better."

"and what exactly is... it?"

"mudfish, way less than what i usually have for mukbangs though." you know, you had completely forgotten what the guy did on youtube since his handsome face distracted you for a handful of moments, but now reality had set in for you: he was going to do this live in front of you.

if you're uncomfortable with cooking live fresh food, please skip to the next italicized line!

"i swear to god, park sunghoon, if you do anything stupid, consider this restart invalid. you'll be hearing from my lawyer," you unsuccessfully warn him as you watch him put on some gloves and grab a cup of salt.

"relax, you're with me. i'm practically a pro," he tries reassuring you, but then he sprinkles the salt inside the tank. the fish start splashing around violently, causing you to let out a small yelp as some splashes of water get on you. "yaaah, this is way better than last time!"

"is this what you do every weekend?!" you shout at a low volume and cover your eyes with your hands.

"you can look now, it's fine," sunghoon says, pointing at the fish. you peek through the gaps between your fingers to see that the fish have stopped moving. sunghoon smirks as you take your hands away from your face. "see? i'm a pro."

coating and deep frying starts here!

he starts to coat them one by one in egg and flour and lays them down on a baking pan lined with paper. you watch as he handles each one delicately with concentration. "do you want me to start the oil?" you offer.

"oh! that would be great, thanks! the wok is already on the stove, just turn it on," he explains. you find the wok exactly where he had told you and turn on the gas stove accordingly, as if you've been here hundreds of times before, but in reality, you just have the same appliances. by the time the oil has been heated to the right temperature, sunghoon has already finished coating the fish. the two of you work together to place each one in the oil, listening to them sizzle and pop.

"we make a good team," sunghoon comments once every fish has started frying. you take care of the tongs and move them around when appropriate. "you should come by and guest star in one of my videos."

"if it's anything like today's, no thank you," you politely reject.

"what if... i invite you to eat after i cook?" he shoots his shot again. rolling your eyes playfully, you see that the fish are all thoroughly fried and turn off the fire. with his own tongs, sunghoon puts the fish on the plate as you go off to prepare two bowls of rice. the small dining room table gets cleaned up, so the two of you can start your meal. "okay, your answer?"

"depends on how good this mudfish is," you reply, holding up a fried fish with your chopsticks. he follows suit, and you two cheer your meals together.

"i'll eat well," the both of you say in harmony. finally, you take a bite of the crispy fish and hum in satisfaction, your eyes widening.

"mm! it's really good!" you compliment as he takes joy in your pleased expression.

"i'll take that as a yes to my question then?"

"hoon, i'll come over whenever you want me to," you exaggerate.

"deal," he accepts quickly so that you can't take it back. and that's how your first meal went with park sunghoon. soon enough, one meal turned into two, to five, to ten, until you're basically spending a lot of time with the youtuber. pretty much every weekend, you and sunghoon set it up so that you would cook and eat together in the afternoon so that you would have the rest of the evening to stream.

at some point, you find out that his major is biology, which is similar to your own in biochemistry, so your time with sunghoon extends to studying together and eventually gaming. one of you is always at the other's place and vice versa like you couldn't be without each other for a single moment.

you're eating takoyaki with said boy in your apartment this time, staring at his well-proportioned facial features as you chew slowly and think. he catches your unwavering gaze and chuckles. "is there something on my face, y/n?"

"i'm just thinking," you vaguely reply.

"about the thing on my face?" you shake your head at this. "then what is it? i know i'm really handsome and all, but you literally see me all the time."

"that's exactly my point!" you cry out as if you hit eureka, shocking him in the process. "we're together all the time. we were literally enemies at first, and now it's like we're dating! what is this, some kind of shitty fanfiction?" yes

"well, do you want us to date?" luckily, you had just swallowed the last bit of your takoyaki ball because that could've made you choke. instead, you suddenly start coughing, and he pushes your water towards you.

the coldness of the water does nothing to help your rising temperature as you take big gulps of it. "wh-what kind of question is that?" you ask, patting your mouth dry with a nearby tissue.

"a serious one," he answers nonchalantly. "because i like you." stream dreamcatcher BEcause

"huh? since when?" you're practically in disbelief. no way sunghoon liked you back. you had just discovered your own feelings not too long ago when you had tucked him in after an intense study session and he whispered your name. ever since then, you got butterflies in your stomach around him, and not because he made it a mukbang. (but you wouldn't put it past him?)

the male rubs the back of his neck. "it's been a while. i just know that i like you."

"st-stop saying that!" you wave your hands in front of your face frantically to hide the redness you know that has spread all over.

"oh? or what, room 506?" he gets up from his seat across from you to prop his elbows on the table, getting a closer look at your cute, embarrassed appearance as he rests his head on his hands. "make me," he prods some more.

reminiscent of the first time you cooked together, you peeked through your fingers to witness his adorable grin waiting for you. as if wanting you to seal the deal, he closes his eyes and smiles with just his lips. you shyly reach out to grab his cheeks, taking a moment to brush the fringe out of his eyes so you can adore the moles that dotted his face, and slowly bring your own lips towards his to press them together in a kiss.

it's short but sweet, and soon you're pulling away and finding your fingers more interesting. sunghoon's eyes flutter open and fondly gazed at you. "be mine?" he speaks up.

"if you stop making my heart scream, then yeah," you mumble, stealing a glance at his smug smile. he laughs, stands up, and walks over to your side of the table. turning your chair around as if you weighed nothing, he places his hands on the table behind you, engaging you in between his long limbs.

"sweetheart, that's the whole point," he says, leaning down to chase your lips and kiss you until your heart can't take it anymore. you're both screaming on the inside as your hearts keep pounding in your chests, but at least this time it's from your pure feelings towards each other.

a/n: omg this is the last of captured on camera EEE thank you all so so much for being here with me on this journey of my first one-shot series <3 this really shows my growth as a writer, and i'm so glad i could share it with y'all! i hope you all look forward to my next one-shot series~

taglist: @cha-raena @imjustme-things @misoiishi @rikitaiyaki @fiantomartell

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello lovely, firstly I am obsessed with your beautiful writing. Whenever you have the time, please could I request a romantic match-up for little me? 🥲 Tysm.

I'm 5"2, INFP and in my early 30s. I live in Europe.

I'm quite introverted around loud or brash people, but I do tend to open up quite willingly with anyone I deem "safe". Usually that's people who are quiet but clearly have a lot to say deep down. I think introverts spot others like themselves fairly easily. Around someone more introverted than me, I tend to try and make them feel comfortable.

Once I am friends with someone I am fiercely loyal and protective. I honestly have very few real friends, however.

I've been told I'm a people pleaser to a fault. I will drop everything to help someone, even if I barely know them. A lot of people have abused that side of me in the past, but I find it difficult not to help. My love language is most certainly acts of service.

I have a bunch of hobbies and passions that I jump around to and from, including writing, gaming, photography, hiking and learning new languages. I also love animals, but right now I just have my cat, Lilleth (one day I hope to adopt more pets when I have the space and time for them).

Oh and I like to keep busy because I have a bad case of the anxious thoughts™ if I don't.

I'm an only child and come from a bit of a crappy family. I have my fair share of unfortunate childhood trauma but I'm pretty happy-go-lucky and try my best to have a positive outlook on life. For all the hardships growing up I like to be grateful for what I have now.

My career is one where I have to be very professional (emergency services) and sometimes it can be a really difficult role, mainly emotionally. In order to unwind and relax I love a long bath and a huge, indulgent glass of wine. I love nature too and will often take my camera out for a hike in the countryside.

Other random facts include:

I studied psychology, Horror is my fav genre of film (although I'm an awful snob about it), my favourite colour is yellow and my go-to food is sushi.

Anyway that's me I guess! Thank you so much 💓

I match you with...

Jumin!

You’re the kind of person that has struggled to get to where you are today. It's not always been easy and sometimes it feels like it would be easier to rip your hair out than it would be to do anything else. You've always done everything for everybody else around you instead of taking care of yourself. That has a lot to do with the fact that it's easier to take care of somebody than to think about yourself. That's why it's so easy for you to find kinship in somebody like Jumin Han. He is always doing for the people that he cares about and he doesn't think about what might help his emotional needs. All he thinks about is what he can do to benefit the lives of those around him. It's a shame because he deserves to put himself first, too.

When you're with him, you're put in a position where you have to face the things about yourself that you avoid. He has to face them as well. He's always avoiding letting somebody else take care of him, so the two of you were going to balance off each other in a healthy way. It's a back-and-forth where you're putting the other person first. You can't avoid self-care when you have a partner that wants to remind you to do it when it has to be done. What’s cuter is that the two of you spend self-care nights watching horror movies and debating the story choices as well as the art itself.