#this is in part because it is a show for grownups and not for 14 year olds

[spidermanifested]

from now on i extra wont be able to take any posts seriously that go "fullmetal alchemist was actually doing something revolutionary by having sympathetic war criminals because it teaches viewers the valuable lesson that war criminals are people too" because im 4 seasons deep into a show thats actually doing that but good (hbo's barry)

[feuqueerfire]

Unknown Live Blogging

I loveeeeee a younger pursuer character, especially when they've known each other for a while and the older is just like I love you kid (platonic/familial) while the younger is losing their mind with their crush/love/lust. Also, the fact that the novel it's adapted from is literally called Da Ge 大哥 ah, I've gotten more into adoptive or step-brothers trope since I got into live-action BL but I've only just watched Addicted/Stay With Me and Kiseki: Dear to Me 2nd couple, so it's exciting to add another one to the list.

This is also a novel from China that's being adapted in Taiwan so that they don't have to censor it, right? There are several other BLs currently in the works like this.

Anyway, seems like people really like this show (not counting the sex scene in ep 11 or something because I heard so much complaining about that lol), so my hopes are high.

Ep 1 (June 13)

ahhh crazy start/glimpse into future

starts when they're young but have been living together a while already

ahhhh trying to take care of things/the family/his ge by paying the bills using his gift money + some part time job maybe. isn't quite a grownup yet but he wants to be so bad

2007 - when they first met

oh fuck the child being hit with the metal pipe was scary and unexpected

oh man, Qian getting embroiled with gangs and doing their dirty work for money

oof, gonna have to win 3 boxing matches to leave the gang

Ep 2 (June 13)

the teacher saying an older brother is like a father

not them ganging up on Xiao Bao!

dang, Qian's mother hated him because he did well, that's wild

Qian is so attractive like woah

we've reached current year - 2016

Ep 3 (June 13)

Yuan to the rescue

Bao and Yuan's dynamic is so cuteee

damn, Qian mad as hell at Xiao Bao's outfit and it has a bit of the "proprietary" thing that so many father-daughter older brother-younger sister dynamics have (in media at least) but also most importantly it reminds him of their mother who they are both very traumatized by

I'm so nervous, I hope nothing bad happens to Xiao Bao (esp because we know this world has like gangsters and stuff)

Is this guy part of the gangsters? Does he know who Xiao Bao is?

Yuan recognizes the gangster oh no

Sam Lin as doctor, though I must say I would not recognize him if I wasn't already aware of this

sharing a bed

studying abroad mentioned

I don't wanna read thoughts of r/boyslove or look for gifsets on tumblr, I just wanna get to the next episode.

It feels like since they both scold/get upset at Xiao Bao in an attempt to protect her, she's not gonna retain any of the reasons they're worried about her but rather maybe rebel and end up in troublesome situations. please no rape storyline though plsplspls

Ep 4 (June 14)

Yuan's 18th birthday? adult Yuan alright

pls Qian thinking that Xiao Bao's saying Yuan watches porn

it's romantic stuff but is it yaoi/BL? because the one Sweet Summer or whatever novel seemed to be two guys on the cover?

Qian kinda reminds me of Na Jaemin (my NCT bias when I was into them) from some angles

I will forever love helping something with feet, whether it be shoelace tying, giving a massage/a foot bath, or now taking care of an ankle/foot injury. it's not even a foot kink, it's just... idek like lowering oneself... in aid of the other... taking care of them...

Yuan definitely doesn't wanna hear about them seperating and liking other people

this kiss must be in Yuan's imagination

so I guess Qian doesn't suspect Yuan's feelings toward him at all + also doesn't return the feelings (yet + he might be unconsciously feeling something but it's not as intense as Yuan's feelings). However, I'm unclear on whether he thinks Yuan likes boys? Like he saw Yuan's romance novel with 2 boys + asking about the high school class monitor...

Ep 5 (June 14)

I knew this was a daydream because of the dreamy filter + I kinda remember some post on reddit about Yuan's daydream but if I was watching this in real time, I would've lost my shit

oh oh my god okay. "Ge, do you already know that I like guys?" extremely forward and sudden, I wasn't expecting it

ahhh, I can't watch this, it's so T.T. like ik it's very Uncle Jim to Liming, looking out for their young(er) nephew/brother because being gay openly isn't easy but like T.T still

What year is this? 2016 right? while gay marriage became legal in Taiwan in 2019

I love a "it's my business who i like, not yours" or whatever

ah, Qian's nice to Yuan again, he likes gives him a little lecture but isn't like actually homophobic

Xiao Bao turns 18 too

damn, what's up with Qian? head hurts?

pls the colleague (is that San Pang? yeah right?) running into Qian's room to see him and Yuan in bed sleeping and cuddling and being like... hm

pls Qian himself being like "it's not what it looks like" before the other guy even says what it looks like

QIAN WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM THAT YUAN LIKES GUYS?!

omg San Pang now coming over to talk to Yuan

pls I know why he's asking but the way he's talking about where Xiao Bao sleeps and where he sleeps like hey ! stop

that's her literal brother and they have no parents, I think it's fine if Xiao Bao climbs into her Dage's bed to sleep occasionally lmfao

oh I guess he was talking about Xiao Bao sleeping in Yuan's bed. whelp he'd have a point in that case I guess becuase Yuan def can like these siblings lol he just happens to not like the sister

pls Xiao Bao wants San Pang to ask about her, so whenever he talks about Yuan and Qian the way her eyes roll so hard that her whole head rotates, so funny

not the office fujos Noticing and Observing lol

ahh, Yuan's inner turmoil seeing his "future sister-in-law"

ah, San Pang straight up asking if the one Yuan likes is Qian

I just wanna know when the confession is gonna happen, is it gonna be next ep? because Yuan also has to go abroad (though I don't think that time skip takes too much airtime from what I've read). I want some stuff to happen after confession + after getting together too.

Ep 6 (June 14)

I wonder what role San Pang will play like will he help them figure it out or hinder all the way through? they're kinda hinting him with Lili, so he can't possibly be a "bad guy." I get him dissuading them now or giving them reasons why they shouldn't but once they do, I assume he'll be okay with it at least

"Don't tell me that guy also has some?" oh Qian

Qian feeling pity for Yuan and being like why do you have to like him... oh Qian, oh Yuan

aklsdfjalksdf ahhh Yuan about to me a drunken mess at this important work function plssss I'm nervous. but also... does the confession happen when Yuan's drunk? Is it gonna happen this ep?

Feng Ning is so cool I love her. if Yuan does anything that upsets her I'll get mad at him im negl

oh omg I have an image in my mind of when Yuan confesses maybe and it was not in this outfit and they were also maybe sitting, so the i like you and attempted kiss was like oh!

It also stressed me out that they're still at work

woahhh it hurts so good the way Qian not only punched Yuan but also didn't stop to care for his wounded hand

ahhh Qian avoiding Yuan and the home entirely

studying abroad plan on

Aw, Xiao Bao who is like ? wtf is going on, why are my brothers fighting and also Yuan literally going to NY

is that Yuan sitting on the floor with his paper on his face and crying? yes, same sweater stripes

The angst is done well. The situation must happen (I was anticipating the fallout from the confession so much!), it's not overdramatized (Qian reacts badly but then just avoids Yuan for the rest and Yuan tries to apologize a bunch but doesn't force anything when Qian ignores him), the acting-writing-directing are all good. I'm also liking the consequence of him moving away to a different country (for a few years?) because he's known Qian all his life and practically only talks to Qian, Lili, and sometimes people like San Pang or a classmate but he'll broaden his horizons now and it'll be less "he loves Qian because he only knows him"

Ep 7 (June 14)

damn, Qian's apparently been so apathetic that San Pang's like maybe I shouldn't made Yuan stay so that at least you wouldn't be like this

Qian's alcohol problem + his chronic headache bruh

San Pang straight up asking if Qian has feelings for Yuan too and Qian does not deny it

also it's been 2 years right? since it's 2018 now and 2017-2018 were blank for Yuan's height

Qian is truly so attractive. his face but also his mannerisms and expressions and gestures. woah. and of course my forever weakness: nice smile and there's a dimple too

2017 - 2023?! omg 6 years? that's a lot, I was expected 2-3 fr

Qian continues reading Yuan's texts but not replying to them. then impulsively calling Yuan and immediately hanging up again

first reciprocal contact in 6 years, if I was Yuan that call would've made me lose my whole entire mind fr

Bro, it's actally Qian who's losing his mind because he's sitting on Yuan's bed in Yuan's room and texting Yuan to come home if he misses it

Xiao Bao has truly become grown up model Lili

San Pang is at the office gathering, so who did she see at the door? would Yuan already be at home lmfao

ah, indeed Yuan's here lol

Yuan and Lili antics begin again, how fun

From a few Tumblr posts, I thought Lil iand San Pang's relationship was gonna get exposed? next ep i guess.

also saw some gifs that Yuan's gonna be petty toward Qian next ep and I'm so excited, how did people wait weekly for this? I can barely wait for tomorrow.

Ep 8 (June 15)

starting this around 7:30pm because I had to watch Wandee Goodday episode today. Hope I like this episode than I liked Wandee's

ah, Yuan's so bold now "Have you seen enough?"

The fact that Yuan made eye contact with Qian before handing the drink over to Xiong-ge. Qian expectantly holding out his hand but having to retreat and check afterwards that nobody else saw lmfao

It's killing me that Yuan keeps looking at the other two ges during the conversation while Qian keeps glancing at Yuan and can't keep his eyes off of him even when he tries

Yuan even thanking San Pang for making him go to the states...

the hickeys?!

Qian's incredulous look at 8:00 is really so Na Jaemin, why does he remind me so much of him

I would say Qian's slow for not catching on that they're together somehow but ig San Pang and Lili are LDR since she doesn't even live here anymore? and so Qian's not aware of it? but it's also funny to think his brain was barely working while Yuan wasn't here but managed to deduce it by glimpsing the hickeys as soon as Yuan came and Qian's brain started working again lmao

damn, Lili's literally shaking her head no, how dare San Pang make the executive decision to confess to Qian?

NOT THE BUTCHER KNIFE LMFAO

Yuan literally sitting back and eating fruits on the couch as he observes is so funny

and his smiles lmfaooo

and only inserting himself when Xiong-ge brings up Qian dating somebody else lmfao he's a menace

Yuan calling Qian as Wei Qian instead of ge is so .

Qian's mad because the two of them are dating and there's an age difference and San Pang's known Lili since she was a child and he figured it out through hickeys and he's the last to know and all those reasons but also... he's probably also mad that why isn't he with Yuan then? If those two can do it, why not him too?

Yuan knowssssss he's getting to Qian

I've seen a glimpse of a gif of Yuan feeding Qian ahh

and now that Yuan's indeed giving him his full attention at the table, Qian can't look at him

Qian's losing his mind and I along with him

Yuan's so bold now, it makes me nervous like chilllllll, move back like the way he kept walking toward Qian and nearly kissed him alksdfjla;ksfj

Yuan is suchhh a menace, the way he starting speaking loud and clear when he heard Qian at the door

my mom dragged me away right then but I'm back

plss he's talking about how he also likes somebody and both Xiao Bao and Ge know that person. lmfao. menace.

Xiao Bao reading from a script lmfaooo

Yuan truly is such a menace, sliding the family vacation into Lili's script pls

cryingggg Xiao Bao ditched the family trip to go to Milan

Yuan kept poking until Qian finally says to not keep feelings for him anymore, only to hit him back with "what makes you think i still like you?"

Yuan saying Wei Qian really does me in. "Wei Qian, don't you like Wei Zhiyuan?" was woah

agh, A'Le and gangsters next ep. hmph

I've been curious to see which other age gap older male/younger female ships I like because they usually give me major ick but I'm such a fan of age gap ships in m/m-f/f-noona romances. I think History 3: Trapped side side ship with the sister and bulter man is the only one I can think of and they barely existed lol. So I want to like San Pang and Lili, especially when she said she's the one who pursued him (I'm into that trope a lot too; like Yuan's also the younger one pursing the older one) but I wish San Pang wasn't a hypocrite/homophobe because if he's into Lili and has no problems getting with her but so disapproved and dissuaded Yuan, like the reason is homophobia yes? I wanted him to come to The Realization that Yuan liking Qian is... fine-ish when he developed feelings for Lili, not have him separate the two situations.

Ep 9 (June 15)

so many things to do but I'm watching this instead, goddammit. but been a little while since i've been so eager to binge and watch next ep (Kiseki and Triage last month I think)

Also, I saw a post that had a clip from the trailer that hasn't happened yet or something and I didn't watch it but there was text about how Qian looks Yuan in the eye when he confesses... omg now I'm so excited to see when that happens. I hadn't been thinking about how they'd actually come together but a confession must happen and I'd be very happy if Qian's the one who does it this time, even more so if he's very tortured about it

oh, abroad was 4 years ago? not 6

I like Yuan's whole spiel about I can't stop liking you but this is enough

Yuan calling Qian out on his bullshit, he can't kick Yuan out again

Qian can tell when Yuan's lying/hiding something

hmm they're calling Qian the snitch and the cops came back then... I feel like Qian didn't do it since he himself was involved

when's that napkin with the poem from?

what is the plan exactly? Lin's telling Yuan to remember that Qian cares about him...

damn, Yuan left for a trip with very short notice?

"You're acting like a wife trying to catch her cheating husband" read the room, San Pang. you can't tell this to Qian who is trying to not be in love with his didi

Dr. Lin so funny. also did We Best Love have eating raw noodles? I feel like it did...

Wei Zhiyuan means "belongs to Wei"

no but what was Yuan plan actually because mans just went to their lair, asked for Le-ge and now is just getting beat up lmfao

scary, Le-ge's got bullets

please why are we doing Russian Roulette rn T.T

Can't have a bullet in there if he's doing it on himself, right? I didn't see how many bullets he put in there. or is he just fucked up in the head enough to do it anyway lol

Qian hugging Yuan in desperation

omg that napkin was literally what Yuan wrote as he thought they were his last words stuck on a mountain during his study abroad. and Qian was avoiding speaking to him during that time godddd, what a tragedy it would have been

and it's a good time to reveal that since they just did the russian roulette for e/o

I don't wanna read ppls thoughts or look at gifsets, I wanna just watch the next episode omg but I won't look at anything after ep 10 until I finish the whole thing since ep 11-12 spoilers will also be there, so I should look at stuff now.

Ep 10 (June 16)

Qian remembering everything Yuan's said and done

nose bleed...

parallels w the hair drying and cuddling to sleep, it'd be funny if san pang woke them up again

does Qian think he'll die

lmaoooooo San Pangcame but unfortunaly Qian was aklready downstairs

i knew bout this blood clot

not the i wish i could tie you up with a rope

Idk how Qian thinks he could possibly hide this from Yuan lol I'm surprised he hadn't just listened in or bothered Lin about the info

the three of them just exchanging eye contact and the focus from San Pang -> Qian with a zoom! sound effect was very funny

Yuan is so funny to San Pang lmfao he keeps being like San Pang ge thank you <3 to the point of uncomfortableness

welp indeed Yuan figured it out on his own

ah, Yuan's mad that Qian hid it from him and keeps saying he'll deal with it on its own

Qian made all of Yuan's favourites to try to win him over askdf but Yuan's still mad

Yuan taking a brief break from ignoring Qian's existence to take away greasy food/beer and give him and San Pang salad instead

San Pang once again telling Qian to consider Yuan and getting with him seriously

Did he not that he wants Yuan to have a future without him?

I think I got a little lost about what exactly led to Yuan storming out but ahhh that convo, fuck. Qian's turmoil and inner conflict and Yuan being like it's mind to deal with, not yours but Qian not being able to let Yuan go.

Ep 11 (June 16/17)

I wanna binge these last 3 eps but it's Eid so I'm busy and gotta watch the rest later. I'm really excited for this ep since it's gonna have the confession and also the sex scene but I know it made everybody fucking mad because of the editing (they had flashbacks to them as kids?) + position top/bottom implications/confusions lmfaoo

The first time Qian took initiative to grab Yuan omg

wait, we're already going into the house okay

I need a pillow or stuffed animal to dig my nails into rn omg i keep grabbing air

what was the more correct translation of "I've been waiting all my life. This isn't fast at all." that made me lose my mind when I saw it and I hadn't even been watching the show back then

"You don't even know what I dream about you at night" hah. hahahah. haha. ok

hello why are we having flashbacks to a conversation from 5 minutes in between the sex scene instead of just... being linear??? I didn't know this happened bc it got drowned out w the other complaints ig lmao

yeah, interspliced scenes we haven't seen before + flashbacks of scenes we've seen during a sex scene are already annoying but then WHY ARE THERE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS. this is not the time to have kids on my damn screen wtf

also I just kinda took top Yuan from that, is it top Qian in the novel or something because I feel like people mentioned that it seemed one way but it wasn't supposed to be that way? or is it because the scene where Yuan had his bare legs splayed that gave the illusion of bottom Yuan and people didn't like that? I'm so curious

domestic morning kissing, they've really come all the way here

Lili's home?!

a fight? girl lmao ig Lili's the normal sibling who's not guessing that her other siblings are fucking, biologically related or not

what is this Le/Lin scene lmao

fancy dinner date at the same gangster restaurant as always lol but apparently Qian's reserved the whole place and made it romantic

Enough angles for one kiss!

restaurant owner gang uncle just witnessing all this lmfao I think it'd be hilarious if he gossips with Le-ge about Qian and his brother kissing

fuck, this nerve and surgery stuff is so scary fr

Okay, finished the last 10 minutes while having lunch the next day because I had to leave yesterday. Good to see both Yuan and Lili care about Qian and want to take care of him and such. Qian took up smoking again in all this stress. I still don't fully get all the mom stuff beyond she thoroughly abused him.

The sex scene was like... what??? and I'm glad I was already aware of its issues because I would've gone beserk if I was watching this weekly for 10 weeks and got that in return wtf. The whole show relies on their emotions and inner conflicts but it felt like neither aspect was truly explored in the scene and made worsened with the horrific editing.

Also I can't fucking reblog but this is maybe the post I was talking about with the translation during the sex scene. Yuan's line implies he's masturbated thinking about Qian which is like the most unsurprising thing ever.

Ep 12 (June 17)

Final episode, hope it at least ends well

Lili figures it out. she's kinda upset that she's the last one to know about it, her lines remind me of when Qian found out about her and San Pang haha

but what does she wanna say, why am I nervous that she's pregnant

lol Qian liking that Yuan's trying to help him out at work

I'm suddenly embarrassed, I really can't do office romances

Xiong-ge showing support in his awkward ways is nice

hehhehe Yuan coming to pick Qian up from work dressed up so nice and Qian kissing him outside after checking nobody's around

I got stressed out by Yuan kissing Qian at work omg in broad daylight with people around

yeah the office fujo will certainly keep this a secret lol as if a bunch of them weren't already gossiping like 4 years ago or whatever

I can't handle office romances guys my body shrivels up and my toes and fingers curl, I'm so embarrassed. can the employees stop squealing about it in public. I'm so stressed out by office gossip even if it's like shippy/supportive. also the excited fujo character can sometimes work for me in high school/college shows because it's like young characters but this in an office is like. no. their family and friends can know but i don't need to see their coworkers finding out unless it's meant to be a point of conflict

how can you be discussing top-bottom dynamics of your boss with your colleagues!! and asking your other boss about it !!!! let's get serious I hate this, I should skip through

HOW CAN YOU ASK THIS TO YOUR FUCKING BOSS?!?!?!?!? HOW CAN THIS BE A POSSIBLE THING?!?!?! this show is generally so grounded, even in it's more out-there aspects, that this is like... what world are we in? so inappropriate and also like probably homophobic because you would not be asking this if Qian was dating a woman

are they insinuating Qian's the top/tiger? That does not go with what I want form this trope so I'm ignoring it lmfao I can do verse because I can almost always ship verse but with the younger-guy-deeply-in-love-with-and-madly-pursues-older-guy-who-is-resistant-and-conflicted trope, I like a younger top

but i think people were also annoyed about this suggestion of top Qian lmfao, I think I remember reading comments about it

ah, Lili is indeed pregnant

aw, hug before the questioning but it's like genuine, not from anger. Especially important for them because their mother was terrible and they don't want a child to go through that again obvs

pls San Pang's also here loll I think it's good the ways they were all in different rooms

the panic when Xiao Bao knelt and the 3 of them also scrambling to kneel, especially when Qian also knelt

aw, Qian really was their da-ge, father, and mother all in one

Qian's afraid Lili will follow in their mother's footsteps (pregnant then married young) and be unhappy

why is this so good T.T

I can't believe the messy sex scene from last ep and the utter bullshit that was the office scene in this ep made me forget for a bit how good this show can be

Damn, they're really saving the surgery thing for the very last few minutes. anyway ik he doesn't die because everything would've gone up in flames if that happened

omg how much timeskip, there's a whole baby now

The office discussion actually made me so uncomfortable, it was so inappropriate and unnecessary, why didn't we take that time to... just show at least a bit of the surgery and aftermath or whatever? Like that was such a huge thing in the past 2-3 eps but it just... disappears and we assume it was successful bc of the ending

Overall:

I'm so glad I got over my pseudo-incest brother-lover aversion because I can now watch this stuff in delight. Though I must say, my favourite aspect of this show is the little family trio with Qian, Yuan, and Lili, with San Pang occasionally invited as well. I loved how they cared for each other and how though Lili was left out of the romantic duo inside their trio, it didn't feel like she was forgotten or sidelined. They each had specific relationships with each of the other people, their interactions had their own flavours and it was so good.

The romance itself hm I think the development was nice, especially from Yuan's side since we saw how he thought of Qian and how he supported him and such. We also saw a bit of how Qian was so lost when Yuan was gone that even San Pang was wondering whether Qian liked Yuan and it would've been better if they hadn't sent him away. It just feels like since there was so much angst and build-up for like 10 episodes, their actual coming together should have been grander. The sex feels a bit sudden, I don't think it should've happened right after that conversation because Qian was barely ready to admit whether he saw Yuan as more romantically than just a brother, and then the editing of it all was terrible.

The surgery stuff also kinda dwindled, if they'd brought it up, I wished they would've at least shown the direct aftermath or whatever. I despised how we had the office Yuan/Qian gossip for so long in episode 12, we could've used it for better things. At least we ended with the Lili pregnancy announcement and coming together over that, which reminded me just at the end why I liked the show.

Some other things I really loved: 1) Qian's face, holy shit. Qian is so beautiful, like incredibly attractive to me, woah. Reminds me of Na Jaemin who I was also taken by when I stanned NCT; is it the lower half of their faces/their mouths? 2) The 2 scenes where Qian finds out Lili and San Pang are dating in ep 8 + finds out Lili's pregnant in ep 12 and just going to kill San Pang lol (also loved how Yuan was enjoying it in ep 8 but was helping San Pang and Lili out in ep 12 lol). 3) The episodes, especially the earlier-middle ones, were so addictive, I didn't end up reading the on-air reddit threads because I was too into watching the next ep instead of reading about it.

In the end, I don't think I'll think about it often, especially not the Yuan/Qian ship unless just to remember the brother-lover trope and even then, Kiseki's Chen Yi/Ai Di gave me more intense brainworms for a similar trope I think. I'm disappointed that I didn't love the show, its flaws are at moments that are too important. So deeply conflicted about whether to give 6 or 6.5, I'll go with 6.5 for now.

Rating: 6.5/10

[stitchlingbelle]

Watching Avatar, Part 12

Breaking from my usual four-episode-batch approach, because the various multi-parters make consistency difficult. Instead, let's wrap up everything before the main event. Everything being a lot of Special Fieldtrips With Zuko.

12. “The Western Air Temple”: Zuko finally joins the Gaang! I was fully not expecting his base personality under all the issues to be Dorky Loser, but I guess that probably is pretty accurate for most over-aggressive tryhard teenagers, so. Still, the 180 was very funny. Also, “I bet you’re surprised to see me”/ “Not really, since you follow us everywhere” was absolutely hysterical. Was surprised Sokka wasn't more upset about Zuko helping cause Yue's "death". Called it on Katara, and also called it on Toph’s encounter with Iroh being pretty important to how the group would ultimately feel about Zuko. I didn’t expect her to go so far out of her way to try and do something about the group’s rejection of him, though. That was a cool moment for her, since she’s so prickly and antisocial normally. When Combustion Man showed up I fully expected Zuko to have paid him to attack the Gaang again so Zuko could “rescue” them, with disastrous consequences, and was very relieved to be wrong. Fun as it would have been to watch him chasing after them, ineptly trying to help, for a few episodes, I’m glad we’re getting on with things. I do wish we got more of the Expanded Gaang, though.

13. “The Firebending Masters”: I had worried in the previous episode that Aang was rejecting Zuko (and all those other suggestions) as firebending teachers because he’s still hung up on hurting Katara (and further disheartened by his failure during the eclipse), but that seems not to be the case. I liked how they handled Zuko needing to find a new emotional source for his bending, that was cool. I 100% bought the “Iroh killed the last dragon before he reformed” thing and was delighted when that turned out to be a cover for Iroh once again being the best ever. I loved the statues teaching them the form, I loved the dragons, the whole episode was great worldbuilding.

14. “The Boiling Rock, Part 1”: Aww, Zuko serving tea like Iroh is adorable. (Where IS Iroh, anyway?) Why tf does Sokka not bring Katara in on this? It’s her dad, too! The island prison is brilliant, very screwed up and the “cooler” thing is great—it makes total sense as a horrible torture for firebenders. (Sticking Hakoda in there probably would have backfired, though.) Loved using it as part of the escape plan. THRILLED to have Suki back and in pretty good shape. Concerned about Zuko being recognized, even if they do escape—they’ve now been located. I hope they don’t kill off Hakoda during Escape Attempt 2.

15. “The Boiling Rock, Part 2”: Sokka really needs to learn to ID himself to his allies, lol. Ooooh shit, here’s Mai. I’m impressed with Chit Sang still not giving Sokka up. OOOOH SHIT, here’s Azula. I suppose she was inevitable. Awww, the poor anger management guy, I love him and hope he gets out and has a very nice life. The escape plan was going very well until the Warden turned out to be suicidal??? Why would he give that order? Exact opposite energy as MAI COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR and saving Zuko despite what Azula will do. Aww, Ty Lee, you weird sweetheart, I loved watching her save Mai in turn. Will Azula learn from this? Probably not but I live in hope. (How does Chit Sang feel about leaving his gf & bff behind this time?) Nice to have Hakoda back alive (and Suki)—will we start seeing more of the expanded Gaang now? How will having a grownup around affect things?

16. “The Southern Raiders”: Oof. Great shock opening (and great line from Azula about becoming an only child, true sibling energy there). No more expanded Gaang, which is a missed storytelling opportunity for me, but this late in the series probably makes the most sense. I would have liked to see a bit more about Katara being entitled to her feelings and not being required to forgive on others’ schedules, but an Inigo Montoya-themed field trip works too. (It’s a very old-Zuko thing to suggest, though.) Deeply uncool of her to tell Sokka she loved their mom more, though. Watching this episode and how it mirrored Aang’s worst side after they lost Appa was interesting—we don’t get to see Sokka, Toph, or the others in their darkest moments in the same way. (Zuko doesn’t count, the whole show is his darkest moment.) (Where IS Uncle Iroh?) But bloodbending? Wtf Katara! I kind of expected she’d end up using that as a last-resort-before-death thing, but I guess this emphasizes its evil nature far more. No good use for it, only bad ones. I wasn’t shocked that they went with the “you’re not worth murder” approach to the revenge arc, and it did set up the conflict over killing Ozai well. (I did notice that they showed us Yon Rha’s life is miserable, though. Would it have been harder if he’d been a happy man who “just followed orders”?)

17. “The Ember Island Players”: Oh, HERE is the episode that gets referenced all the time. Ngl, it was… uneven for me. I feel like it could have gone a little earlier in the series instead of right before The Main Event, both tonally and in terms of emotional continuity. Knowing that Aang and Katara end up together at the end of the show, it seemed weird to have their relationship issues here, instead of earlier. Likewise, the play lasting the whole episode with no other plot was odd. It essentially functioned as an extended “previously on Avatar”. Maybe it’s just because we’re speeding toward the end of the series and I’m going to miss it, but I would have preferred to bask in the world a little bit more, instead of this dvd-extra-vibes ep.

Next up: Sozin's comet and the end of the show! I'm not ready.

[manikas-whims]

Recently, I'm seeing a rise in the most awful misinterpretations of some characters in Six of Crows, so I'm gonna address how wrong they are.

Before I start: if you haven't said any of what I'm going to mention here, then it means I'm not pointing fingers at you. Don't take offense for something you didn't do.

Now I'm gonna try to keep it as short as possible...

Part 1

"I don't think Inej loves Kaz." "Inej doesn't love Kaz as much as he does her." "Inej is ignorant." bla bla bla...

A cousin of mine (15 yo) read the books and said the same things as above.

I asked her what does love mean to her and she responded it meant "two people showing their emotions by acts like kisses, cuddles, etc." and "by being together with that person by the end of the story".

Obviously, that's not all to love. Younger audiences tend to not take note of the faint nuances the same way grownups do. Its just like watching disney movies and only later realising the ambiguous meanings in certain dialogues. But we can't simply say that age plays a major factor here.

While SoC is a YA novel and aimed for age groups 13-17 mostly, many adults enjoy the books.

I myself read the books this year (23 yo) and my perception of love is different from my cousin's. Love isn't simply an emotion or feeling or gestures. LOVE IS WORK. It requires both the parties involved to put in equal effort.

And so, when Inej says "I will have you without armor." , she isn't being ignorant at all. She does mean it in the literal sense. But also more than that. Inej is an honest person and says whats on her mind freely. She expects the same honesty in return. She says this dialogue because while Kaz seems to know a good amount about her— her full real name, how she was taken to Ketterdam and sold to Tante Heleen, etc. Inej knows nothing about him, not even his real name. The first thing she learns about him is that he had a brother and a vague "i had a lot of things."

And even with things Kaz doesn't know about her, she's ready to share. She tells him that it was easy for her to entirely dissociate when seeing her clients but she couldn't do it with one guy, the guy who'd seen her perform on the high wire as a kid. She shares this deep, awful experience with him and says its not easy for her either. In doing so, being honest about her past, she encourages him to take a step as well. To try and be a little honest about himself, share a small part of himself. She wants him to put some effort into their relationship because a simple "i want you" isn't enough. They both need to work on a lot of things to reach that "i want you". SHE ISN'T IGNORANT.

Later on, Inej realises, she can't ask so much honesty of Kaz because that one bathroom scene is an eye opener for both of them. She realises that she may have handled that kiss on the neck but what if she couldn't have? What if she had dissociated on instinct, as her defense mechanism? What if? Kaz adds to all that when he tells her to take the money and leave, forget him. But does she do that? NO. She thinks whether it would be better for her to find a kind man, bear his children and then sharpen her knives at night. And she realizes she doesn't want that because she can only be her true self (a kind woman who wields knives) with Kaz. She can only be her genuine self with Kaz. She thinks "he'd tried, they'd tried. They could try again." She wants to try again with Kaz. SHE WANTS HIM JUST AS MUCH.

Now for a moment, lets consider the other female character in SoC— Nina Zenik. We all call her an "Unapologetic Queen" for being herself, being proud of her body proportions and such. But if Nina was a woman of color, would she get the same hype? Don't say "Yes" because we know that won't be the case. Nina wouldn’t get the same hype for her plus sized representation if she was a poc.

And this, I'm speaking as a Desi. I know what I face in real life from people of other cultures. I've experienced a lot of stereotypes about myself as a South Asian woc. And while not everyone treats me the same, I do encounter alot of obvious stereotypical assumptions about myself.

Similarly, so many people when they read the "I will have you without armor" dialogue, completely stop looking further into Inej. Age factor is very miniscule. Most of this, whether you like it or not, stems from the internalized stereotype that "brown girls are mean and insensitive". Thats how we've typically seen them portrayed in majority of media and that's where many readers' thoughts immediately head to when they read the "without armor" dialogue. Those of you who say the quoted things mentioned at the top, don't bother to look as deeply into Inej's perspective as you do for Kaz or Nina or the others. You simply settle for calling her ignorant.

Did you ever give her more thought instead of reducing her to the stereotypical brown girl?

Did you ever consider that this girl has her own demons? That this girl was captured forcefully and sold into prostitution at 14!? That this girl sometimes even gets scared of touches from her own friends? That this girl finds it harder to handle contact that she doesn't see coming? That she suffered abuse and was rewarded with kindness by the same hands that touched her at the Menagerie!? That at some point she just fearfully anticipated for whatever was to come, be it a gentle caress or a harsh slap across her cheek? That this girl was raped again and again and again every single day when she was only 14? That she was violated and touched in places too private without her consent? That she was continuously treated so by men twice, thrice, even four times her age!?

Did you ever consider that this girl who struggles with so much didn't let her suffering define her!? That she rises above these atrocities and finds a purpose!? That she chooses to pursue her own goals and save any other kids from whatever horrid things she went through!?

Did you ever consider that despite everything this girl suffered at the hands of innumerable people, she wants to try again with Kaz?

For a girl like her to let Kaz kiss her neck completely unguarded (she doesn't have her knives with her in that scene)..to still be able to give her heart to Kaz, is a very beautiful thing. It means she trusts him so much more than she'll ever trust any other person..

Everyone expresses themselves in different ways. Thats what makes each human so unique. Just because Inej isn't saying poetic things in her pov chapters, doesn't mean she loves Kaz any less.

Inej Ghafa loves Kaz Brekker. And she always will. But her love doesn't mean she must give up on her own purpose. Kaz doesn't ask her to. And she doesn't ask Kaz to give up his position as the new King of the Barrel. They're equals who support each other in their goals. They're two people in love who will take their baby steps towards healing together.

Inej and Kaz love each other.

Inej and Kaz are together.

Inej isn't ignorant, just misread.

Rant over for now. Next I'll be talking about Matthias Helvar..:)

[kairos-polaris]

Miraculous Ladybug. Ah, the show that can't deliver its promises, teaches the female mc wrong lessons, is so sexist and racist it hurts and still calls itself "woke" and says they promote "girls power". I was so angry I wrote it at 1 am with little to no light to see what I was writing.

Mlb has a lot of problems. I won't be talking about the plot because it will be too long.

So here we are!

✓ Who is the main villain? Is it Chloé/Lila or Hawkmoth? The grownup man who chose to terrorise Paris and abuse people in their most vulnerable times? Or two teenagers who need a more strict discipline and help from adults, not their peers? Both Chloé and Lila made mistakes but they're kids who can change. I don't want to say they don't have to be punished for their actions, they do. You can't change a person if they don't want to and making them face consequences of their actions is an important part of growing up. If Mlb writers really cared about teaching their viewers that people can change, they will start a redemption arc for Chloé after Antibug and after Volpina for Lila. But, apparently, they decided that letting kids change their behaviour and grow up to be a better person is boring, right?

✓ Gabriel Agreste. Abuser, control freak, magical terrorist. And yet some people believe he deserves to win. He's not only a bad person but a bad villain too! Most of his actions have no sense and work only because the writers said so. Why did he think that creating a supervillain is a good way to lure out a superhero? They could be in different country/city. Both Miraculouses could be hidden in someone's attic! Plus from New York special we know that other heroes exist. How could he be so sure they wouldn't be the one to fight his champions?

And why did he akumatize himself? He had no way of knowing that Ladybug saw his book. He saw Adrien take the book. All he had to do is to say something like this: "It's a very important book Adrien. Your mother found it years ago in her attic. This book was a great inspiration for me". His akumatization was too convenient for the plot.

✓A lot of people blame Marinette for causing so much akumas. Are you okay people? Hawkmoth is the one who creates akumas. What a surprise! No one other than him can do that. Repeat after me: upsetting someone doesn't equal to using their feelings for your own gain. Chloé deliberately humiliated or angered someone and it still doesn't count as causing an akumatization because it wasn't her goal. I don't mean to say it wasn't wrong but she didn't send an akuma. She is a spoiled rich brat who doesn't care about the consequences of her actions. Lila came close to actually causing akumas but it's still Hawkmoth who sends out butterflies and uses completely natural and normal feelings and emotions against everyone. Please, don't shift his blame on teenagers.

✓ Sexism is everywhere. From civilian interactions to heroes' costume designs. So here's a list of problems I've remembered at 1 am:

Writers show Lila or Chloé trying to kiss Adrien or invading his private space in a bad light. How dare they harass him? And then we have Chat Noir act the same towards Ladybug! And unlike Adrien Marinette actually says "no, I don't like you. Don't touch me like that". Adrien knows that he makes her uncomfortable but he doesn't care. "She loves him but can't accept it" isn't a good reason to continue harassing her. No means no. Not "continue asking me" or "I'm playing hard to get". Disgusting.

Only rivals Marinete has (excluding Hawkmoth because he's Ladybug's rival) are her love rivals. Lila, Kagami, Chloé. Why can't we have a character who rivals Marinete in her passion: designing? It's not "girls power" to have girls in question fight over one rich white sad boy.

The whole Gamer episode. Marinette won fair and square. She deserved to take part in the tournament. Was it okay for Max to be upset? Yes, he spent a lot of time training. Was it okay for him to be angry at Marinette? No, it's not her fault she was better than him. Some may say that she entered because of Adrien (another issue I will mention later) but it doesn't make her less skilled.

Every girl who has a crush is shown obsessive. Marinette, Chloé, Lila, Kagami - Adrien, Rose - Prince Ali, Ondine - Kim. We weren't shown Alya having a crush on Nino but I'm sure she would be just as obsessive because writers can't believe girls can have crushes and not be obsessed with them. I would also like to mention that having two characters of colour with no previous chemistry is kinda racist.(I could have just missed it because I'm not good at noticing flirting. If you noticed Alya and Nino flirting before Animan I would edit this part). They also don't talk a lot if it's not about Adrinette. Their purpose is to push main characters to each other. That's it.

Boys are really nice to their crushes even when akumatized. Both Silencer and Evillustrator were gentlemen. Nathaniel literally took Marinette on a date! Exceptions are Adrien and Felix. Adrien is just perfect (not my words) and Felix is Adrien's evil twin. He was used to: a)show how great Adrien is; b) say "Ladybug would punch Chat if she were truly uncomfortable"; c) to make fans hate him because they prefer PV Felix and Astruc hates him. Do you know why point b is the most harmful? Because it enforces the stereotype that women are always willing and consenting and they have to go to ridiculous lengths to take that consent back.

Suits. Every girl has a skintight suit with little to no details. And did you see how skinny Rena Rouge is compared to Lady WiFi? Or how Ladybug's suit has only one colour? The show doesn't even try to make clothes look more fashionable. They have three (!) designers, two models and Chloé is the Style Queen's daughter. They didn't even try!

✓ Making fun of Marinette's anxiety so often. It's offensive to people who have the same problem.

✓ Master Fu. He's an awful person who pushed his responsibility on children without explaining anything. There was no point in hiding his identity. What if they were akumatized? Well, Paris would be doomed anyway. No Ladybug to purify akuma, no cure. And we saw how dangerous akumatized Chat was in Chat Blanc.

Do you know what would happen if he revealed his identity in the beginning? There would be no Stoneheart 2.0, Marinette and Adrien would have a better understanding of their powers, a support system, a reason to get away to transform.

✓ Chat Noir and Ladybug not knowing who the other is. I've already explained why the akumatization excuse doesn't work. How can you trust a person you don't know? They would be able to support each other in their civilian lives. But they wanted a love square and that's why revealing won't happen in a looooong time.

✓ Sexualisation of minors. Have you seen Mister Bug? Or Lady Noire? They are 14/15! It's gross and disgusting to lust after teenagers. And what about numerous shots of Ladybug's backside? Or how thin Marinette is?

✓ Teaching wrong lessons. First they bash Marinette for not trusting Chloé and then they bash Marinette for trusting Chloé with the bee. How dare Marinette not have fun while fighting her friends? And then several minutes later: How dare she have fun while fighting her friends? Or how she was basically told her feelings don't matter by Madame Bustier in Zombizou. And blaming her for everything bad that happens in the show.

✓ Marinette's whole character revolves around Adrien. It's most obvious in the future special about China. She will go there not to learn about her heritage and her mother's culture but to be with Adrien. Almost everything she does as a civilian is about Adrien. They don't let her move on even when it's hurting her. Wouldn't it be much better if she tried to grow as a person, spend more time on her hobby. Maybe find Hawkmoth?

✓ Another issue is that they don't even try to find Hawkmoth. They treat only symptoms and one day it won't be enough. We had one episode where they were close to finding him. But Gabriel was akumatized so no lead again. Very convenient for the plot.

Why does Mlb have such a big fan base? Why is it so popular? So much wasted potential it physically hurts. But the most important question is why do I spend so much time and energy on this show? Please, send help. I can't continue doing this.

[fandom-pardes]

According to halacha, which actions are Azula liable for?

Reposted from my Tumblr.

One of my favorite ways to study Jewish texts is to take a fictional character or situation and examine it through the lens of Jewish text and tradition.

I’ve done this before with ABC’s Once Upon A Time. Now I’m going to take up this exercise again with Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Before I begin, a few things to keep in mind.

I’m not a Talmud scholar.

There is no definitive Jewish Opinion™ about any issue pertaining to halacha. Unanimous opinions on halacha are so rare that when we find one, we assume something went wrong in the process..

Azula is a morally polarizing character in AtLA fandom. Regardless of who you ask, you’re bound to get some strong opinions about exactly what she’s done, the extent to which she’s responsible for it, and what this says about her morality or lack thereof. I’m not going to rehash those arguments. I think I’ve made it clear that I care less about whether people approve of her behavior than I do about how their statements about her reinforce harmful messages about women, people of color, LGBT people and mentally ill people.

Nevertheless, she’s incredibly interesting, and studying Jewish text is fun, so here we are.

Why examine Azula’s actions through the lens of halacha?

Halacha gets a lot of flack because it comes off as excessively legalistic. But, in my opinion, that’s based on a misunderstanding of what halacha is. Usually translated as “Jewish law,” the word halacha actually comes from the root word that means “to go/walk.”

Halacha is not a collection of rules for the sake of having rules. It’s meant to take us somewhere. You can write a library of books about exactly what that is and what it means. But for the sake of simplicity, halacha is how we show that we recognize the holiness of everything in creation. So we aim to do right by one another, by the land we live in and by the creatures we share this world with.

Before we can launch into examining the halachic ramifications of the things Azula does, we need to establish some boundaries.

Only the show counts. It’s the common frame of reference universally accepted by the vast majority of fandom. Fandom’s stances on the comics, novelizations and other tie-in materials are too variable to base an analysis on.

Word of God is immaterial. While some would use the phrase Death of the Author, Jewish tradition has a more entertaining take on it. In the Talmud, there’s a dispute between Rabbi Eliezer and some of his peers. In that story, Rabbi Eliezer says that if he’s right, this or that miraculous thing would happen, and those miraculous things do happen. But the other rabbis still reject it because we don’t determine halacha by miraculous signs. Eventually, God parts the heavens and says, “Rabbi Eliezer is right.” But another rabbi responds, “The Torah is not in heaven,” meaning that the Torah was meant for human beings on earth to interpret for themselves. And God’s response? To smile and say, “My children have defeated Me.”

Now, let’s begin.

Is Azula bound by halacha?

She’s not Jewish, so no. However, all human beings are bound by the Noahide laws. For the sake of argument, let’s say that the Noahide covenant applies to all humans on all worlds. According to the Talmud (Sanhedrin 56a.24):

Since the halakhot of the descendants of Noah have been mentioned, a full discussion of the Noahide mitzvot is presented. The Sages taught in a baraita: The descendants of Noah, i.e., all of humanity, were commanded to observe seven mitzvot: The mitzva of establishing courts of judgment; and the prohibition against blessing, i.e., cursing, the name of God; and the prohibition of idol worship; and the prohibition against forbidden sexual relations; and the prohibition of bloodshed; and the prohibition of robbery; and the prohibition against eating a limb from a living animal.

What is Azula’s legal status?

In any case, we know the rules, and now we have to decide whether Azula broke them or not, right?

Not so fast.

First, we have to determine if Azula is of the appropriate legal status to be held accountable for upholding the Noahide laws. In other words: when she committed certain acts, was Azula an adult capable of making rational decisions?

Clear your mind of the idea that being an adult is the same as being a grownup. Instead, think of it as a term that defines when people can make legally binding decisions.

As far as I can tell, the Talmud doesn’t say when a gentile becomes an adult. However, we can use halacha as a guide.

Now for a warning.

If frank talk about the physical development of adolescents makes you uncomfortable, you might want to skip this next part. There’s nothing graphic or titillating about what I’m going to discuss, but if breasts and pubic hair squick you out, skip this part until I say it’s safe in bold like this.

According to halacha, a girl reaches adulthood when she’s twelve years and one day old and has two pubic hairs. Yeah, you read that right. Twelve and two pubes are the requirement. Before this point, nothing she does is legally binding, even if she’s really smart and claims to be fully aware of what she’s doing. After this point, her actions are legally binding, even if she says she had no idea what she was doing.

On the show, we see Azula in a range of ages. In “Zuko Alone,” we see her at roughly eight years old. In “The Storm,” she’s about eleven. In all the other episodes she’s in, she’s fourteen. So, from a legal standpoint, flashback!Azula is too young for her actions to be legally binding. At that point in time, the responsibility would fall to her parents.

Um, I’m not willing to speculate about the genitals of an underage cartoon character, so for the sake of argument, I’m assuming that 14-year-old Azula meets the two pubes requirement. Thus, 14-year-old Azula is responsible for her actions.

If you skipped that last part, it’s safe to continue now.

OK, we’ve established that flashback!Azula is too young for her actions to be legally binding, but in the main story, Azula is legally an adult and responsible for her actions.

We good? Alright.

Which Noahide laws does Azula actually break?

This is both easier and harder than it seems.

The laws about idol worship, cursing God, and forbidden sexual acts don’t apply to her because neither religion nor sex are portrayed as such on the show. Also, the law about establishing courts of justice is a communal obligation, not one that falls on a single individual, so that’s another one we don’t have to concern ourselves with.

That leaves the prohibitions against bloodshed, robbery and eating a limb cut from a living animal.

First up: bloodshed.

The connotation of the prohibition against bloodshed is not for general acts of violence, but actual murder.

Here’s where I think I’m going to throw a lot of people for a loop. Azula doesn’t kill anyone on the show. She tries. She comes close. She wouldn’t lose sleep over it if she did. But nobody’s dead because of her. She doesn’t even take lives as collateral damage.

One could argue that zapping Aang with lightning counts as killing, but when the Sages talk about death and dying, I assume they mean the kind where the dead stay dead, not people who are revived by magic spirit water. Furthermore, if someone’s about to kill you (and I think entering the Avatar State qualifies here), you are halachically obligated to save your own life, even if it means killing that person.

Second: robbery.

We’ll come back to that.

Third: eating a limb from a living animal.

This prohibition is often expanded to incorporate all forms of animal cruelty.

The show does portray animal cruelty. We see a prime example with the circus in “Appa’s Lost Days.”

But what about Azula? We don’t see her interact with many animals on the show, but there are two notable examples: Appa the sky bison in “Appa’s Lost Days” and Bosco the bear in “The Crossroads of Destiny.”

How does her behavior measure up? Despite her earlier behavior of terrorizing turtleducks, Azula does not harm either Appa or Bosco.

On the show, Mai and Ty Lee are seen spending time with Bosco in the throne room while the Earth King is imprisoned. So, at the very least, they treat the bear well.

So, Azula is not liable for animal cruelty.

*hands Azula her Not As Big A Jerk As She Could Have Been award*

Now, let’s revisit that prohibition against robbery.

Given the prescribed punishment (decapitation), the connotation seems to be taking the rightful property of another through violent means. That being said, the prohibition against robbery is often extended to include all sorts of theft.

This one might have some legs. On the show, does Azula take the rightful property of another, and does she use violent means to do so?

Absolutely.

A major example is stealing the clothes of the Kyoshi Warriors after defeating them in combat.

But!

The show takes place during a time of war, and the Kyoshi Warriors, as allies of the Avatar, are enemies of the Fire Nation. So does beating them up and taking their uniforms fall under the prohibition against robbery, or are the Kyoshi Warrior uniforms considered the spoils of war and thus free for the taking?

Halachically speaking, it might actually be the latter. When fighting the Kyoshi Warriors, Azula acts as a military commander during a time of war and achieves a decisive victory against an elite combat unit. Thus, she is entitled to take their stuff.

So, back to the original question: which actions does Azula commit during the show that she’s halachically liable for?

The answer, shockingly, may be: none.

On the show, we’re encouraged to think of Azula as a Very Bad Girl who does Very Bad Things. She’s calculating, ruthless and deceptive. She’s also full of herself. She’s not someone who inspires warm, fuzzy feelings in most people. But when you put her actions under the microscope, she exercises remarkable restraint compared to what she’s capable of.

Don’t worry. No one’s going to nominate her for a Nobel Peace Prize just yet. This is Azula we’re talking about. She’s not acting out of an overwhelming love for humanity. But it is interesting that despite her threats to kill, maim and destroy, she doesn’t participate in wanton destruction or wasteful loss of life.

[olde-scratch]

So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...

and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.

PART 1

“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die

“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-

“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-

Are they twins?

(Me tuning out to do something)

“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”

Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-

[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]

yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-

“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-

“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-

“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-

why they all got the same face-

haha funni meme

“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.

Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?

“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]

“[get him to] eat your apple”

[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-

why does he suddenly have a knife-

“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”

“Technically, you are seven years old.”

???????????

the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH

[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun

PART 2

[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-

how many camp camp references can i make during this

Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?

“meal.”

“meal?”

meal????

Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?

well he’s Dead

[debating if I should read the backstory}

n a h h h h h -

Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???

oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg

Is he an antagonist?

HE WROTE A BOOK???

oh now i want food

ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-

man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro

string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-

o no he found the memes-

BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-

kim there’s people that are dying-

is SHE an antagonist?

quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?

“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?

Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-

“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-

PART 3

“you’re real, oliver.”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong

so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-

“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens

“are you winning?” says the capitalist

why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????

“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.

looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)

your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.

eat the apple.

is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh

“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-

yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP

“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”

me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore

“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-

ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-

UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -

“oliver”

I  F O U N D   I  T -

WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-

oliver. eat the apple.

“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.

NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.

im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?

wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-

waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-

are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or

“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-

“How are you feeling?”

“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”

mood

“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction

HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-

[upon reading the description] so i was right.

wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-

PART 4

wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-

appol

“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago

there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-

“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.

Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-

[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????

[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT

i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-

[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice

i hope she rejects you /j

WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE

ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-

bro get out of the road ull get hit

how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-

so

wait

hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?

IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR

wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?

i should have watched the ba-

oooo dramatique

they’re in a time loop?

nope thats a new powerpoint

wait so theyre,,,, no-

wait-

nvm-

IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-

“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-

oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????

“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-

is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation

WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-

“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-

yep hes gonna show the apple

ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back

the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It

all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing

“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.

quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he

YOU KILLED HIM

NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE

oliver is v relatable

wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-

lemme hear that explanaton again-

is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls

“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood

did hills murder quinn

is your family the jasper cult

TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic

“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO

The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver

he is Not Good

ope-

wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up

I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-

ew get off the floor

butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?

“We already know what the future looks like!”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)

YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF

BINGO BABYYYY

get what what

what mapped-

awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse

you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr

ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS

she draggin that seven year old

a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-

Jasper

the food shortages-

bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart

imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird

what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals

THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-

KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO

ooohhh there’s context for that

OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO

w h a t -

w  h  a  t  -

W   H   A   T   -

Conclusion:

it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT

if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Saturday, September 25

GILES: Well, much as I, uh, long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump. (Sits back, looks embarrassed) WILLOW: What are you doing there? GILES: I'm, um, uh, it's a, a meeting of, uh, grownups. It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot.

~~Where the Wild Things Are~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

where would i even start (Faith, T) by chasingfictions

We Are Your Legacy (Buffy, Angelus, Kennedy, T) by Cynder2013

Now You See Me... (Giles/Buffy, E) by TheScholarlyStrumpet

The Wicca and a whitelighter (crossover with Charmed, Willow/Tara, T) by Bl4ckHunter

[Chaptered Fiction]

Overworked Angel, Chapter 1 (Larry/Xander, E) by calikocat

Endgame? Chapter 1 (Faith/Buffy, Holden Webster/Scott Hope, Scoobies, not rated) by rhodrymavelyne

Regroup and Recover, Chapter 1 (Angel/Spike, E) by Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89

love is blindess (i don’t wanna see) (Spike/Buffy, not rated) by tobeakindofman

How Sweet It Is, Chapter 4 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by ashcrashed

American Girls, Chapter 6 (Buffy/Spike, R) by sweetprincipale

The Burning Wheel, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Ginger

Gray, Chapter 14 (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only) by Dusty

An American Slayer in Northern England, Chapter 1-17 (crossover with “Harry Potter”, Buffy, FR15) by SCWLC. COMPLETE!

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Spike (worksafe) by sunnyhellcalifornia

Artwork: BuffyBot (worksafe) by snakeliciousbaby

Icons: Spike (worksafe) by midsommcrs

Playlist: BUCKLE UP, KIDS. DADDY’S PUTTIN’ THE HAMMER DOWN. (Spike) by lastactiionhero

Artwork: Faith/Buffy, nonsexual acts of intimacy (worksafe) by space-sheep08

Artwork: Willow (worksafe) by sp-artspace

Buffy Summers as a South Park character (worksafe) by xMCRxRULESx

Hell god Buffy (worksafe) by christytrekkie

[Reviews & Recaps]

why didnt they give tracey forbes more episodes. by chasingfictions

I’ve seen the argument that Buffy not having an endgame is shitty girlboss feminism because Buffy shouldn’t have to end up alone by comradesummers, buffythechessplayer, and others

Video: Buffy Break Down | Welcome to the Hellmouth by TV Takes

[Fandom Discussions]

Takes on Spuffy, part 1 (Seeing Red), part 2 (Villains), part 3 [Season 6: they are both victims], and part 4 [They have so many beautiful moments] by atlasshrugd and others

[Dawson’s Creek ship parallels] by disaster-vamp, buffythechessplayer

[Re: the Scoobies’ accusation in Dead Man’s Party that Buffy leaving forced them into the role of fighting vampires] by becomingbuffypodcast, girl4music, confusedguytoo

Was anyone else really confused and surprised by Joyce’s attitude about Buffy slaying around Dawn in early season 5? by layer-of-slayers

Tara/Willow movie date night moodboard and headcanon (worksafe) by purpleyin

My one fix for S4 would be this: Riley becomes Adam by herinsectreflection

[Faith/Buffy subtext in This Year’s Girl] by herinsectreflection

Did season 5 ruin Gunn? (cont’d) by Stake fodder

Is this a mistake or did the monks rewrite history to the point where the Summers have always lived in Sunnydale? by Lyssaquotes

What would Kendra be like as a vampire? by Maximum_Arachnid2804 and others

Critical analysis of Riley, the “nice and normal boyfriend” by jazzwhitney

The talk that Xander has with Buffy in S5 E10 [Into the Woods] low key could have been about him and her by Joey1221221 and others

I believe Fred lived on in Illyria by sdu754 and others

I'd like to help fix the HD remaster of this show by LeeroyCox93

What do you all think of the Prophecy Girls podcast? by s0met1messt0nerg1rl

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Wake-Up Calls and Watermelon (SPN/CM)

Criminal Minds / Supernatural crossover! 

Word Count: ~2140

Warnings: Irresponsible use of pink feathery handcuffs, but don’t worry, Sam is there to give a safety lecture. Kiddie pools, kittens, an emotional support cyberterrorist, and so much fluff. Ridiculous escapism at its finest. Everybody needs a smile these days, right? 

A/N: Four mornings on the Wayward Sons World Tour. This is part of the Rockstar AU, but it can be read on its own, as can most of that series. There’s no real plot, just shenanigans and silliness. 

Thanks to @stunudo​ and @fookinghelljensensthighs​ for pre-reading and inspirational photographs, respectively! 

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 4: somewhere between Miami and Orlando, FL

Something is meowing. 

Rossi frowns to himself and opens his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bunk. 

Something is meowing on his bus. 

His first thought would ordinarily be Penelope and one of her assorted stuffed animals or weird talking figurines. Spencer could also potentially be the culprit, depending on what sort of chemicals were in his system. Last time Rossi checked, though, both of them were on the other bus, where the shenanigans are supposed to happen. This is the quiet bus, where the grownups sleep. 

The mysterious something meows again. 

Bad enough that he’s slumming it sleeping on a goddamn tour bus. Now there’s a goddamn petting zoo on board. Rossi sighs and gets out of his bunk to investigate. 

“Who’s the cutest kitten in the entire world?” Morgan is sitting on the ground in the front, smiling adoringly at a tiny ball of black fuzz he’s cradling in his palms. “Who’s the sweetest little furball I’ve ever seen, hmm?” 

“How on God’s green earth did you find a kitten at —” Rossi glances at the clock on the microwave. “—nine in the morning in the middle of Florida?” 

Morgan looks a little guilty, but Rossi can’t tell if it’s because he has a kitten or because he got caught using that ridiculous high-pitched voice. 

“We’re at a rest stop so the drivers can get a couple hours’ sleep, and Hotch and I were stretching our legs, and they were in a box close to the highway,” Morgan explains. “He was the only one who was still alive. I couldn’t just leave him there.” 

The door opens, and Hotch comes in, carefully carrying a small dish of water. He’s followed by Sam Winchester, who has an upside-down drum that’s padded with a towel. 

“You gotta be kidding me,” Rossi mutters, watching the three grown men surround the kitten and coo at it. Morgan tucks it into the drum and it curls up happily, meowing its appreciation. 

Sam’s phone rings, and he digs it out of his pocket and answers: “Yeah? No, we got water, we just — no, Dean, Jesus. Just the hoodie. Did you find it?” He pauses and scowls, stepping away from the others and lowering his voice. “No, that’d be way too big for it, are you kidding me? That collar was specially made… no! Leave the fucking leash, Dean, it’s not like we’re taking the kitten for walks.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay, bring the feathery thing, just — oh for fuck’s sake, leave that bag alone before you find something you really don’t — Dean. Yeah. Cool.” He grimaces and hangs up. 

“Do I want to know?” Rossi asks, with a new sense of respect. 

“No,” Sam says firmly. He turns back to Hotch and Morgan and announces, “Dean’s bringing some stuff we can use as cat toys, and a big hoodie with a pocket so you can carry it around.” 

“Sweet. Thanks, man,” Morgan says, flashing a bright grin. He’s all googly-eyed. 

“What should we name it?” Sam asks, crouching down and rubbing under the kitten’s chin with one careful finger. 

They all take a moment to consider. The little ball of fluff is purring, and even Rossi has to admit that it’s goddamn adorable. 

“What kind of drum is that?” Hotch asks Sam, who grins. 

“Pearl.” 

“Pearl!” Morgan echoes delightedly. “Who’s the prettiest little black pearl, hmm?” 

“I guess we need to find a pet store,” Rossi sighs, and settles in to get to know his grand-kitten.

***

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 7: Atlanta, GA

“Wheels up in fifteen,” Hotch is shouting, banging on the hotel room door. JJ groans without opening her eyes and tries to pull Emily closer, rubbing her cheek against the soft worn cotton of Emily’s shirt. 

“What the fuck,” Emily mumbles. 

“Oh, seriously, what the fuck,” comes Penelope’s voice. The fact that it’s coming from somewhere above JJ is what makes her frown and open her eyes. 

She and Emily are on the floor, lying in a sort of nest, which upon closer inspection seems to be made up of an inflatable kiddie pool filled with blankets. 

Penelope is peering over the edge of her bed at them, squinting blearily, last night’s hot pink lipstick smeared down her chin. She appears to be wearing a plastic coconut bra over her shirt. 

“Huh,” JJ says. She pulls a lei off her neck. “Did we throw a tiki party last night?” 

“That would seem to be the case,” Emily says slowly. She rolls over and wraps her arms around JJ. “Five more minutes.” 

“Solid plan,” JJ answers, snuggling in. The kiddie pool is surprisingly comfortable. 

“Not if we have to pack up and get our sorry asses on the bus in fifteen minutes,” Penelope reminds them. 

“Fuck.” 

“I smell like… like daiquiris and regret,” Penelope sighs. She wrestles the coconut bra off and flings it across the room. 

“You can have first shower,” Emily says generously. 

JJ hears Penelope pad across the floor, and then there’s a surprised yelp from the bathroom. 

“Is Spencer in the tub again?” JJ mutters. 

“Yes, but oh my god, you guys, you need to come see this,” Penelope says, giggling. JJ groans, head spinning, but manages to get up. She hauls Emily to her feet. 

JJ pokes her head through the bathroom door and snorts. Spencer’s wearing one of those cheap fake grass skirts over his jeans and there’s a top hat perched on his head. He’s got his arms wrapped around a tacky pink flamingo lawn ornament. 

“Em, get your—”

“On it,” Emily says, already reappearing with her phone to snap a picture. 

Spencer stirs with a pathetic sort of whining noise. 

“Next time I suggest coconut rum,” he slurs, without opening his eyes, “...remind me I’m a moron, ‘kay?” 

*** 

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 10: near Dallas, TX

“Get your hooves out of the toaster!” Cas says urgently. Dean starts awake and almost falls out of the bunk. He really needs to give up trying to sleep with Cas on the bus; these things were not meant for two people. 

Cas mumbles something about Mufasa and opens his eyes groggily. 

“Fun dreams?” Dean asks, voice raspy with sleep. He cuddles close and presses a kiss to Cas’s pulse. 

“There were wildebeests in the kitchen,” Cas croaks. 

“Sounds like a good time. Coffee?” 

“Mmm.” 

Dean rolls out of the bunk and stretches. The door to the back lounge is open, and he can hear music; he looks inside curiously. 

He remembers Sam saying something about a Doctor Who marathon. Geek.

The DVD menu is up on the little flat-screen, playing the theme music in a loop. Sam’s sprawled out on one of the couches with popcorn in his hair, and Penelope and Charlie are leaning against each other on the other couch. 

Someone snores loudly, but it doesn’t seem to be any of those three. Dean looks around, momentarily confused, until he spots Spencer, who has wedged himself under the tiny table. He’s curled up with what looks like Charlie’s favorite purple hoodie as a pillow, and Pearl is kneading happily at one of his arms. 

“Time’s it?” Sam asks quietly. He sits up, and something pops audibly as he stretches his shoulders. 

“Coffee time,” Dean whispers back. 

He wants to make a snarky quip about how they’ve clearly been partying hard, but Sammy’s looking around the room with such a fond little smile on his face that Dean can’t bring himself to say anything. Instead, he just leads the way through the bunk area, out to the front, where Cas is watching the coffee drip slowly into the pot. 

Dean wraps his arms around Cas and nuzzles into his neck. It’s a good morning. 

***

Wayward Sons World Tour, Day 14: Chula Vista, CA

Penelope is just about to get up for a gloriously self-indulgent shower (and if she uses all the hot water while the others are hitting snooze, that’s fully their problem) when there’s a knock on the door.

She peers through the peephole. It’s Dean, aka not at all who she expected. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you,” he says gruffly, when she opens the door. “Um… Spencer said he knows how to pick locks?”

Ooh, this is gonna be fun.  

“He sure does. What’s up?” 

“Um… we need to pick a lock,” Dean tries, and Penelope laughs. 

“Nice try. Gimme the dirty deets.” 

Dean sighs. “Jack is maybe handcuffed to the bed.” 

“No way,” Penelope says gleefully. “Okay, I will wake the boy wonder, hang on.” 

She ushers Dean into their room, shushing him and pointing to JJ and Emily, who are still asleep, before poking Spencer. 

“Are you sleeping in a kiddie pool?” Dean asks. 

“Mmph,” Spencer assents, rubbing his eyes. “M’comfy.” 

Penelope shrugs at Dean as if to say, what can you do? 

“So there is a bit of a situation I was hoping you could help with,” Dean says. “A lock picking situation? It’s, um, a pair of handcuffs.” 

Spencer doesn’t bat an eye, bless his heart. He just shrugs and unfolds himself from the kiddie pool, picking up his wallet from the desk. 

Penelope grabs a robe and her glasses, because while she wouldn’t ordinarily show her face while she’s still in pajamas, there’s no way in hell she’s missing this. Dean looks like he’s about to protest. 

“She’s my emotional support cyberterrorist,” Spencer tells him. “She’s coming.” 

“Excuse you, former cyberterrorist,” Penelope says, as dignified as she can manage while wearing a fuzzy zebra-patterned robe. “I prefer to think of myself as your fairy godmother.” 

“No teasing him,” Dean says sternly, but leads the way out the door. 

“You really trying to tell me you found the kid handcuffed to a bed and nobody is going to tease him about it?” 

“Well,” Dean amends, with a smug grin. “Nobody but his family is allowed to tease him. Don’t worry, though, we took pictures.” 

“Yeah, okay. That seems fair.” 

Dean leads the way into the Ceiling Fires’ suite and points them to one of the bedrooms. 

Penelope can hear Sam’s voice when they get to the open door: “I told you, they’re single-latch. You pull on those the wrong way, they’ll cut off your circulation and — oh, hey, guys.” 

Not only are they handcuffs, they’re handcuffs adorned with pink fluff. They’ve pulled a blanket up to Jack’s chest, but he’s clearly naked under it, and he’s blushing so hard he basically matches the handcuffs. 

“Good morning,” he says politely. 

Penelope gives him a cheerful wave. “Don’t mind me. Spencer’s here to rescue you.” 

Spencer is unfazed. He pulls a tiny flat case from inside his wallet and pulls out a couple picks. Sam and Dean are both watching him like hawks. Mother hens. Overprotective mother hawks? Something like that. 

It barely takes a second before the lock clicks open. 

Jack breathes a sigh of relief and rubs his wrists. “Thank you. Seriously.” 

“You gotta teach me that,” Sam says to Spencer. He grabs the handcuffs and lifts them between two fingers like they’ve personally offended him. 

“It’s easy once you understand the principle of it,” Spencer tells him, showing him the picks. “See, this pushes the tumbler—” 

“Where’d you go?” comes a low British voice from the main room, and then Harry motherfucking Styles is wandering through the door, wearing a turquoise silk kimono and holding a half-eaten slice of watermelon. “What on Earth are you doing with those? I have my leather — oh.” He looks from Penelope to Spencer, blinking. “I… don’t know you, do I?” 

“Shit,” Dean mutters. “When did you get here?” 

“Wee hours.” He takes a bite of watermelon, tongue-first, and chews slowly. 

Penelope is staring. She should really stop staring and say something cool. 

“You look sorta familiar,” Spencer offers, with a little wave. “Did you sell me E at a warehouse party in Boston a couple years ago? Cause I gotta say, that was a weird night.” 

“Pretty sure that wasn’t me,” he says pensively. “But stranger things have happened.” 

Harry goddamn Styles is licking juice off his fingers and dimpling in her general direction and this cannot be real life. 

“The watermelon is a little on the nose, don’t you think?” Penelope blurts out. Sam snorts from somewhere behind her. 

“They were all out of kiwis, I’m afraid,” Harry drawls. “You want some? More in the kitchen. Bananas, too, and—”  

“Hey, guys?” Jack interrupts, from where he’s got the covers pulled up to his chin. “Um… would you mind taking this outside so I can put some clothes on?” 

There’s a chorus of apologies. Spencer asks about coffee as they all start to filter out the door, and Penelope heads to the kitchen to eat watermelon with Harry Styles, because apparently this is her life now. 

.

.

.

[deliciousmeta]

When it comes to children’s entertainment, fuck realism.

That’s right. Fuck. Realism.

Don’t get me wrong. I think kids can handle heavier topics than they’re often given credit for, especially if they’re presented in the right way. But there’s a difference between depicting or addressing things like war, abuse, and so on and indulging in cynical, nihilistic, grimdark bullshit because that’s what we’ve been taught “mature” means.

I want to focus on Avatar: The Last Airbender and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power because they’re on everybody’s mind right now, and it’s really noticeable in how often I see certain sentiments crop up.

SPOILER ALERT! You’ve been warned.

Let me start with ATLA.

I make no bones about being an Azula fangirl. She’s my fave, and I don’t apologize for it. She’s complex and compelling in a way few characters in mainstream Western animation are. Like many Azula fans, I’m ambivalent about how she ended up. It was well-executed, and it packs a helluva punch, but it plays into some iffy tropes about powerful female characters. But even with that, fine. It would’ve been nice for the show to have shown that there was still hope for her.

But what do most people think about her? That there’s nothing anyone can do or could have done to help her.

Think about what it means when people say this: that a 14-year-old girl is beyond hope.

Can you imagine a message so bleak in a show where: Iroh tells Zuko in no uncertain terms that he must not give in to despair, one episode (”The Avatar and the Fire Lord”) makes it explicit that the people of the Fire Nation are not born bad and that everyone deserves a chance, and the entire point of Zuko’s character arc is changing for the better?

“But Azula’s mean and scary!”

And Zuko was a bucket of sunshine and rainbows while he was roughing up old people on the South Pole and burning down Kyoshi Island.

Treating a child barely into her teens as if she’s an irredeemable monster is a betrayal of the themes and message of the show. That kind of cynicism belongs on Game of Thrones, not ATLA.

Then there’s that thing in the comics about Sozin outlawing same-sex relationships.

*sighs*

Y’all, I’m a Black Jewish lesbian. Every single day, I’m reminded that many places and many people have a problem with my Blackness, my queerness, my womanhood, or my Jewishness.

I don’t need to be slapped in the face with homophobia in a story about a handful of 12- to 16-year-old kids who change the world with their friendship and awesome elemental powers.

“But it’s realistic!”

I don’t give a shit. After George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Rayshard Brooks, and white folks calling the cops on Black folks left and right for no damn reason, I don’t give a shit. And with the fact that this is far from the last time it’ll happen, I don’t give a shit. The world already does a fine job of showing kids how ugly it can be. They don’t need adults to remind them.

Which brings me to SPOP.

Some people think that redemption and forgiveness came too easy to Catra, that she apparently didn’t suffer enough consequences for her actions to “deserve” the happy ending she got.

Let me get this straight. A teenager who’s been physically and psychologically abused her whole life hasn’t suffered enough to deserve love and friendship, that she’s too toxic to be trusted around the people who know her. A teenager should be condemned for life to be cut off from everyone she knows because she was nasty to some of the nice characters.

On a show that’s blatantly about the power of love and friendship to save the world.

Really? Really?

Wanna talk about someone who can’t be trusted around others unsupervised? Shadow Weaver is right there.

But Catra? C’mon.

As with ATLA, an ending for Catra that has her cut off from everything and everyone she knows would be a fundamental betrayal of the themes and message of the show.

Besides, what purpose would ostracizing her serve? Catra already believed she was on her own because anyone she trusted would betray or abandon her. Learning to trust others and lean on them when she needs them is a step in the right direction for her.

Look at this from the point of view of a kid who sees a lot of themselves in Catra. Would you feel empowered by that message? Would it inspire you to seek the help you need? Would it convince you to trust people with the truth of who you are and not just the facade you project to the world?

I’m going to go on a limb and guess probably not.

There’s something I think a lot of grown people participating in children’s media forget. Every character who’s not an adult or a pet is probably one a child identifies with. I don’t think it’s usually deliberate on the part of creators, but it is there, and I think grownups should keep it in mind when discussing these characters and the stories they’re in.

[uncloseted]

Hi. Did Kaya ever talked about How did playing Effy affected (positively or negatively) her life? I mean, she was really young and it was a seductive, mysterious, complex character involved in drugs, mental illness and other stuff. Also, it became very popular and she became an style, personality and even a sexual icon among adolescents of the last two decades. I'm curious if so much exposure changed her life (maybe she was completely ok with it even being 14/15 y.o.) and I don't know if you can find interviews with this talented actress talking about it. Thanks, and sorry for my bad english.

It seems like Skins was a good experience for her.  She’s said, 

“ We’re a very tight group of friends. We weren’t actors going into it; there was no competition; there was no cutthroat-ness or bitchiness. We’re just genuine British kids who had a passion for something. We were given an opportunity and were told to just be ourselves … to be teenagers or what it was like to be a teenager. We experienced that all together. Behind the scenes, we were going through breakups, leaving home and having all these existential crises that teenagers do. We all had each other, and we kind of looked after each other. That taught us that on a film set, you’re no better than anyone else. We’re all still really good friends with most of the crew, too. There was no ego; we weren’t suddenly dropped onto an MTV red carpet. We were all still living in shared apartments and going home to beg for money from mom and dad on the weekends. There was nothing Hollywood about it. It was real. When it ended, we knew that we’d been given an incredible opportunity, and if we wanted to continue with it, we had to work for it. So, we’ve always taken it seriously; we don’t take it for granted. We all feel extremely determined, and it’s still about the work; we love the work. I think that’s kind of what it is.”

I think she does feel like people wanted her to be Effy after the show ended, but that she’s been able to get some distance from that since: 

“I had a great team of agents who knew that the smart thing to do was find something completely different. I was lucky enough to fall into Wuthering Heights (2011); Cathy was completely different from Effy in every way. For us, it was also making sure that all the roles weren’t copying the same makeup or the same hair. I have found before on shoots that they’ve tried to recreate Effy, and I’ve had to put my foot down and go, “Nope. This is a different character, and she’s just as important. We can build a whole new person out of that.” But, I have been very cautious not to re-create her because I think it would be impossible to. She was so iconic because she was on that show and it was that time. I don’t think we could re-create her, but I’ve never wanted to. I’ve never wanted to play a similar role. I kind of like to leave her as she is.”

And I think she feels like Effy has helped her in her personal life:

“At the beginning, I was the opposite of Effy, I was so shy and I would never sneak out of the house, I was trying to be the grownup and to look after my mum and look after my friends,” she says. “And then in the later seasons when we go into her depression, that's when I realized that I had stuff going on that I needed to address too. And I've had so many wonderful messages from people saying that it helped them understand a part of themselves or at least question a part of themselves. And those are the kind of roles I want to play. I want it to matter.”

[papermoonloveslucy]

HANS LOVES LUCY

July 10, 1987

By CAROL HOWARD News-Review staff writer 

Hans Borger loves Lucy. 

Lucille Ball, that is. 

The 23-year-old Petoskey man, who wasn't even around for Lucy's golden era during the 1950s, collects books, record albums, videocassette tapes, photos, T-shirts and mugs, all dedicated to his beloved Lucy. 

For any cave dwellers out there who may not know of whom we speak, Lucille Ball is one of the best known comediennes in America. Along with her husband, the late Desi Arnaz, the two reigned as queen and king of comedy on their outrageously successful television show, "I Love Lucy," during the 1950s. The show also made stars of Vivian Vance and William Frawley who played Lucy and Desi's landlords, Ethel and Fred Mertz. 

After she divorced Arnaz in 1960, Lucy went on to star in her own sitcoms, "The Lucy Show" and "Here's Lucy" in the 1960s and 1970s. 

Borger, who is news director at WMBM, a Petoskey radio station, said his love for the zany redhead goes back to his after-school days. 

"When I was a kid, I'd come home from school and watch reruns," Borger said. "Shows like "Lucy" and the "Brady Bunch.'" 

But he didn't start collecting Florence Henderson memorabilia, he chose Lucy. It must have been the storylines, he said. 

"You can watch it (the show) over and over and still find it funny," he said. "Somehow you know everything's going to turn out all right in the end. And you go away with a smile when the show is over. You can't say that with very many other programs." 

"The chemistry among the four (actors) was something that made the show the hit that it was," Borger said. "And, as Lucy says, they were lucky.” 

Borger turns up his nose at current comedy programs. 

"In the 1980s they try and make comedy shows about things like AIDS. That doesn't seem very comical." 

Borger also admits, because of Lucy, he loves things from the 1940s and 1950s.

"It kind of influenced my whole way of thinking," he said. "I love the music of (that era). I kind of live in the past." 

When Borger has time off, he says he'll kick back and watch an old Lucy episode or one of her game show appearances on his videocassette recorder. It's still a daily routine, he said. 

If Borger gets tired of watching Lucy, he can read about her in the Lucy library he has accumulated. 

He has a dozen or more books about her life. (She's 75 now). He gets newsletters from the "We Love Lucy" fan club, where he's maintained membership for the past 10 years. He keeps up scrapbooks with Lucy newspaper clippings and magazine articles. 

He makes no bones about his devotion: "I could talk about this forever," he said. 

He's never met Lucy in person, but he did meet Desi Arnaz near Detroit in 1976 during an autograph session. 

"He was signing his autobiography. There he was with a glass of beer and a big, fat cigar," Borger said. 

Borger said a controversial topic under discussion among Lucy fans and anyone interested in television history is whether or not the 179 "I Love Lucy" episodes will be colorized. (1)

"I feel it would be great," Borger said. "(I think) if Desi could have filmed them in color, he would have." 

Hmmm, that means Lucy's red hair would be red. 

There's also an all-points-bulletin out for the "lost" pilot episode of "I Love Lucy," Borger said. Borger's read about it and knows why it's a hot item. (2)

"For one thing, there were no Mertzes," he said. "And it wasn't Ricky and Lucy Ricardo, it was Larry and Lucy Lopez. But they found out there was already a bandleader named Lopez so they had to change the name." 

Does Borger have some favorite episodes? "Oh, just like everybody else, I like the Vitameatavegamin show (where Lucy films a commercial for an alcohol-laced tonic until she gets drunk)," Borger said. "And the one called "Sentimental Anniversary" where wind up celebrating their anniversary in their closet. And the one where Lucy tells Ricky she's going to have a baby." 

Borger said he plans to keep on collecting all he can about Lucy. "As long as I have the money." 

And what if she shows up again on the tube? Will Borger give her another try? 

"If she was just standing there, doing nothing, I'd watch it," he said. "If you are a diehard fan, that's just the way it goes." 

Lucy and Ricky Lucy Quiz 

So you claim to be an "I Love Lucy" fan? Here's a test to just see how much you really know (answers at end of test): 

1. What is Lucy Ricardo's maiden name? 

2. When Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel go to Hollywood, for whom does Lucy disguise herself with a long, putty nose? 

3. Where was Ethel Mertz born? (Hint: it's in New Mexico.) 

4. Name the movie Ricky supposedly contracted to film in Hollywood. 

5. One day a group called "The Friends of the Friendless" consoled Lucy in a park. Why was Lucy upset? 

6. What day of the week does Lucy and Ethel's women's club, the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League, meet? 

7. In the famous candy-making episode, what unusual gifts do Ricky and Fred buy their wives after the two women are fired? 

8. What musical instrument could Little Ricky play? 

9. What is Lucy Ricardo's middle name? 

10. What was the plot of the first episode aired? 

ANSWERS: 1. MacGillicuddy; 2. William Holden; 3. Albuquerque; 4. Don Juan; 5. No one remembered her birthday; 6. Friday; 7. 5 pound boxes of candy; 8. Drums; 9. Esmeralda; 10. Lucy thinks Ricky is planning to murder her. 

From "The ‘I Love Lucy' Quiz Book" by Bart Andrews.

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) In the early 1980s, the Museum of Broadcasting (now the Paley Center for Media) began actively searching for the long-lost “I Love Lucy” pilot. During the 1970s all traces of the pilot had disappeared; not even Desi Arnaz or Lucille Ball owned or knew where to find a copy. In December 1989, a film print was found in the possessions of the late Pepito Perez, who had appeared in the pilot as a clown. Pepito’s widow, Joanne Perez, had read about the search for the pilot in TV Guide and recalled that her husband had been given a copy. CBS aired the pilot as an hour-long special hosted by Lucie Arnaz on Monday (the same day of the week “I Love Lucy” traditionally aired), April 30, 1990. Over 30 million viewers tuned in.

(2) “The ‘I Love Lucy’ Christmas Show” was the first episode CBS aired colorized on December 18, 1989. The ‘wraparound’ segments (the non-flashback parts) were broadcast in the original black and white, but were also colorized starting in 1990. Currently, in addition to the Christmas episode, there are 14 fully-colorized “I Love Lucy” episodes (out of 179):

“Lucy Does A TV Commercial” 

“L.A. at Last!”

“Lucy and Superman”

“Job Switching”

“The Million Dollar Idea”

“The Fashion Show”

“Lucy and Harpo Marx”

“Pioneer Women”

“Lucy’s Italian Movie”

“Lucy Visits Grauman’s”

“Lucy Gets Into Pictures” 

“Lucy Goes To Scotland” 

“Bonus Bucks”

“The Dancing Star” 

A DVD was released featuring 11 of the colorized episodes, five of which were screened in movie theatres nationwide prior to the DVD release. 

In January 2008, Hans Borger self-published his autobiography “The Little Grownup: A Nostalgic Michigan Boyhood”.  

[hlupdate]

Here he comes, one of the planet’s most conspicuous young men, stepping out of the London drizzle and into a dusty suburban pub. If there was an old vinyl record player in the place it would scratch quiet. Instead, the two-dozen punters turn hushed and intent, as if a unicorn has just trotted in off the street, and nobody wants to scare it off. “That’s frickin’ Harry frickin’ Styles,” whispers a young man at the bar, “in this pub.” The pop star is asked what he wants to drink and in a voice already inclined to undertones, quietly orders a cup of tea.

A former teen star who is now 25, a happier and rockier solo artist since his boyband One Direction split a few years ago, Styles has hidden himself inside a large, swamp-green parka. He’s tall, around the 6ft mark, and carries himself with a slight stoop. If Styles could only do something about his appearance from the neck up (elfin brow, wide Joker smile, a face that’s recognisable across multiple continents) you sense he could drink in pubs like this anonymously enough. As it is, cover blown, he removes the parka. A woolly jumper beneath has a picture of the planet Saturn on it. Maybe they’ve heard of Styles there, too.

We take a seat in the corner. On nearby tables, conversations start to sputter as people try to keep their own talk ticking along on autopilot while straining to hear what Styles says. I ask him about the sheer strangeness of this and other aspects of fame. Full stadiums, swooning admirers, an excess of opportunity and cash. Why isn’t Styles an absolute ordeal of a human being by now? Keith Richards, at a comparable stage, imagined himself the pirate leader of a travelling nation-state, unbound by international law. Elton John was on vast amounts of cocaine. Meanwhile, here’s Harry, known in the music industry as a bit of a freak, medically, having maintained abnormally high levels of civility in his system. 

Styles tilts his head, flattered. There are others, he promises. “People who are successful, and still nice. It’s when you meet the people who are successful and aren’t nice, you think: What’s yer excuse? Cos I’ve met the other sort.”

Styles read Keith Richards’ autobiography a while back, and he recently finished Elton’s, too. (“Soooo much cocaine,” he marvels.) We talk for a bit about whether extreme dissolute behaviour and artistic greatness go hand in hand. Styles, who has just released his second solo album, Fine Line, the penultimate track of which is called Treat People With Kindness, has to hope not. “I just don’t think you need to be a dick to be a good artist. But, then, there are also a lot of good artists who are dicks. So. Hmm. Maybe I need to start scaring babies in supermarkets?” 

A couple of lads hustle over to offer drinks. A photo is requested; they say they’ll wait. I’m weirdly anxious about Styles’s phone, which is slung on the table in front of him. What must be the black-market value of that thing? If fans were to get hold of it, would they want to open Styles’s music app first, to listen to tracks from the new album, or rush to see his messages and calls, to find out who Styles has been flirting with late at night? The interest in his music has always run at a ratio of about 50/50 with the interest in who he is dating.

It’s a ratio Styles tries to adjust in favour of the music by being vague about his ex-partners, real and rumoured (Taylor Swift, Kendall Jenner, Parisian model Camille Rowe), diverting to discuss his songs about failed relationships. A year ago, when Styles was floating around near this pub in north London, where he lives, and California, where he tends to record, looking for inspiration for the new album, his close friend Tom Hull told him: “Just date amazing women, or men, or whatever, who are going to fuck you up… Let it affect you and write songs about it.” 

Styles, who writes in collaboration with Hull and producer Tyler Johnson, sounds as if he took the advice. The new album, Fine Line, is at its best when capturing late-hours moments, drunk calls, “wandering hands”, kitchen snogs. A golden-haired lover recurs. There are up tracks, down tracks, some with the trippy delirium of harpsichord-era Stones, others with the angsty Britpop swell of strings. While I listened, I couldn’t help scribbling down names, possible subjects. On the lyric “There’s a piece of you in how I dress” I wrote: maybe Kendall? In a song about a lover “way too bright for me”: surely Taylor.

Styles says he keeps to a general rule: write what comes and don’t think about it too much afterwards. The only time he worries about an individual lyric is if it risks putting an ex in a difficult position. “If a song’s about someone, is that fine? Or is that gonna get annoying for them, if people try to decipher it?” Has he ever got that judgment call wrong and taken a bollocking from an angry ex? Styles raises an eyebrow. “Maybe ask me in a month.” 

I quiz him on something I’ve often wondered about. Why are the very famous so inclined to hook up with the very famous? From the outside it looks twice the hassle, with twice the odds of ending badly. “Don’t we all do that, though?” Styles asks. “Go into things that feel relatively doomed from the start?” I ask him why he doesn’t date normals. He seems tickled: “Um. I mean, I do. I have a private life. You just don’t know about it.” 

Styles doesn’t particularly like being asked about his love life, but is amused all the same, as he is about most things. When I ask about the logistics of someone as well known as him dating someone anonymous (“Do you need to give them, like, some sort of primer?”), Styles snorts with laughter. 

“Uh-h-h. Like any conversation, I guess, it’s easier if you’re honest. But I try to let it come up when it comes up. Cos that’s a weird thing to talk about, y’know? If you’ve just started seeing someone, and you’re, like: [he adopts a throaty, mission-briefing voice] So! This is what’s gonna happen!” Styles holds out his hands: no, ta. “I don’t wanna have that conversation, man. It would be fucking weird.” 

And not very sexy, I say.

“Not sexy,” Styles says, “no.”

A quick aside about his accent, which is hard to capture in print. (“Nat sexy, no.”) After a workout in a hotel gym recently, Styles says he was taken aback (“taken abeck”) to be asked by a stranger whether he was speaking in a fake voice. He was appalled. But after so long crossing borders and time zones, living and working between England and the US, the accent has undergone a jazzy remix, and tends to get farthest from its Cheshire roots when he’s around strangers. Once Styles begins to get comfortable in the pub, the flatter, no-nonsense sounds of his youth return. Nowpe he says, for nope. Fook, for fuck.

“What the fook are they?” This was the response of his childhood pals, he remembers, back in the village of Holmes Chapel, when little Harry had the gumption to show up in the playground wearing Chelsea boots instead of the approved chunky trainers. Styles’s parents had separated when he was very young, but there is no origin-story trauma: he has always stayed close to both. His mother, Anne, would praise his singing voice in the car, and when Styles was 16 it was agreed he could audition for a singing contest on TV.

“The craziest part about the whole X Factor thing,” says Styles, who auditioned for the ITV reality show in 2010, “is that it’s so instant. The day before, you’ve never been on telly. Then suddenly…” Suddenly you’re a piece of national property. “You don’t think at the time, ‘Oh, maybe I should keep some of my personal stuff back for myself.’ Partly because, if you’re a 16-year-old who does that, you look like a jumped-up little shit. Can you imagine? ‘Sorry, actually, I’d rather not comment…’ You don’t know what to be protective of.”

By the winter of 2010, Styles was a fan favourite, a key member of One Direction, a five-piece that enjoyed enormous national exposure and gathered millions of fans before any music had been released. Cameras filmed every part of their rise. There wasn’t any time in the dark to practise, test things out, mentally brace. “We didn’t get to dip in a toe,” Styles says. “But, listen, I was a kid, all I knew was: I didn’t have to go to school any more. I thought it was fucking great.” He remembers having a lot of fun, and being well taken care of. He jokes: “Maybe it’s something I’ll have to deal with a bit later. When I wake up in my 40s and think: Arrrggh.”

In February 2012, One Direction were feted at the Brit Awards, hours before they were due to fly to the US for the first time. On TV that night they looked young, silly, chuffed – on the precipice of something huge, and with no clue at all. Their subsequent wonder-run (five platinum albums, four world tours) had its foundations in their ridiculous popularity in the States. Right away, Styles remembers, “We were fuelling a machine. Keeping the fire going.” He remembers it as a stimulating time; maybe overstimulating. “Coming out of it, when the band stopped, I realised that the thing I’d been missing, because it was all so fast paced, was human connection.”

I first met Styles in 2014, around the time the lack of human connection was starting to bite. One Direction were promoting their penultimate album and I’d been commissioned to write about themthe Guardian. Management felt the boys were so exhausted that my minutes in their presence had to be strictly counted. Inside a circle of cripplingly hot lights, while someone ran the stopwatch, we interacted as humanly as we could.

I remember how jaded the best singer in the group, Zayn Malik, seemed. (Malik was weeks away from quitting.) I also remember how flattered and bewildered the others were to be asked a few grownup questions – and not what Louis Tomlinson would later describe to me as “who’s-your-favourite-superhero… all that shit”. Styles was watchful and quiet that day. By total chance, a week later, we were in the same London cafe and he tapped my shoulder. He was having lunch with friends. “Will ya join us?” 

t struck me as a quietly classy move. I was fascinated to see him interact with mates he’d chosen for himself. Styles was dry and funny, older than his years. After lunch we said the usual things about keeping in touch, and followed each other on Twitter. I kept an eye on his updates, about leaving One Direction, releasing an impressive, self-titled debut album in 2017, playing for 36,000 people in Madison Square Garden in New York, acting in Christopher Nolan’s Oscar-nominated war movie Dunkirk. Meanwhile, I did my best to manage the mess that had been made of my own account after Styles’s Twitter follow ignited a small explosion of teenage longing in my mentions. For at least a year I received weekly, sometimes daily, pleas from people who wanted messages conveyed to “H”. Still now, every few days, fans in America, Asia and Europe follow me to “see what H sees” in their timeline. 

He has around 50 million social media followers, and with that comes the ability to ripple the internet like somebody airing a bedsheet. I’ve noticed, though, how rarely Styles directs people to support specific causes, last doing so in 2018, when he encouraged people to join a march against gun violence. Why don’t you use your influence more, I ask? “Because of dilution. Because I’d prefer, when I say something, for people to think I mean it.” He runs his fingertips across the table. “To be honest, I’m still searching for that one thing, y’know. Something I can really stand up for, and get behind, and be like: This Is My Life Fight. There’s a power to doing the one thing. You want your whole weight behind it.”

It’s one of the things that sets Styles apart, the way he puts his whole weight behind the different aspects of this strange job. If you watch footage of him as a guest host on Saturday Night Live last month, Styles plunges in, fully inhabiting the silliness of every sketch. He has good songs in his repertoire (2017’s ballad Sign Of The Times stands out), and would probably admit to some middling songs that attest to his relative inexperience as a writer. But whichever of his songs Styles performs, he goes all-in, trusting that his zest and energy will hold an audience’s attention. He approaches this interview in roughly the same spirit, not enjoying every question, fidgeting, pleading for clemency once or twice, but giving everything due consideration.

I bring up something Styles joked about earlier: the possibility of waking up in his 40s with deferred mental health problems.

“Mm,” he says

Have you thought about therapy, I ask, to get ahead of that?

“I go,” he says. “Not every week. But whenever I feel I need it. For a really long time I didn’t try therapy, because I wanted to be the guy who could say: ‘I don’t need it.’ Now I realise I was only getting in my own way.” He shrugs. “It helps.”

Lately he’s been reading a lot (Lisa Taddeo’s Three Women stood out). He’s watched a lot of Netflix (crime thrillers and music docs). He recently cried through Slave Play on Broadway. I sense in Styles, at 25, a pent-up undergraduate hunger, maybe a desire to make up for lost time. “I’ve definitely been wanting to learn stuff, try stuff,” he says. “Things I didn’t grow up around. Things I’d always been a little bit sceptical about. Like therapy, like meditation. All I need to hear is someone saying, ‘Apparently, it’s amazing’, and I’ll try it. When I was in Los Angeles once, I heard about juice cleanses. I thought, yeah, I’ll do a juice cleanse.”

How messy were the results?

“You mean…?” Styles raises an eyebrow, recalling the poos. “They were all right. I was just hungry. And bored.”

One notable feature of Styles’s solo career has been his headlong embrace of unconventional clothing. A 2017-18 tour could have been sponsored by the Dulux colour wheel: mustard tones in Sydney, shocking pink in Dallas. In a more serious sense, some of Styles’s choices have fed into an important political discussion about gendered fashion. In May, as a co-host at the Met Gala in New York, he stepped out in a sheer blouse and a pearl earring. One evening’s work challenged a lot of stubborn preconceptions about who gets to wear what.

He says: “What women wear. What men wear. For me it’s not a question of that. If I see a nice shirt and get told, ‘But it’s for ladies.’ I think: ‘Okaaaay? Doesn’t make me want to wear it less though.’ I think the moment you feel more comfortable with yourself, it all becomes a lot easier.”

What do you mean, I ask?

Styles is leaning forward, hands folded around his cup of tea. “A part of it was having, like, a big moment of self-reflection. And self-acceptance.” He has a habit, when he’s made a definitive statement, of raising his chin and nodding a little, as if to decide whether he still agrees with himself. “I think it’s a very free, and freeing, time. I think people are asking, ‘Why not?’ a lot more. Which excites me. It’s not just clothes where lines have been blurred, it’s going across so many things. I think you can relate it to music, and how genres are blurring…”

Sexuality, too, I say.

“Yep,” says Styles. “Yep.”

There’s a popular perception, I say, that you don’t define as straight. The lyrics to your songs, the clothes you choose to wear, even the sleeve of your new record – all of these things get picked apart for clues that you’re bisexual. Has anyone ever asked you though?

“Um. I guess I haaaaave been asked? But, I dunno. Why?”

You mean, why ask the question?

“Yeah, I think I do mean that. It’s not like I’m sitting on an answer, and protecting it, and holding it back. It’s not a case of: I’m not telling you cos I don’t want to tell you. It’s not: ooh this is mine and it’s not yours.”

What is it then?

“It’s: who cares? Does that make sense? It’s just: who cares?”

I suppose my only question, then, is about the stuff that looks like clue dropping. Because if you don’t want people to care, why hint? Take the album sleeve for Fine Line. With its horizontal pink and blue stripes, a splash of magenta, the design seems to gesture at the trans and bisexual pride flags. Which is great – unless the person behind it happens to be a straight dude, sprinkling LGBTQ crumbs that lead nowhere. Does that make sense?

Styles nods. “Am I sprinkling in nuggets of sexual ambiguity to try and be more interesting? No.” As for the rest, he says, “in terms of how I wanna dress, and what the album sleeve’s gonna be, I tend to make decisions in terms of collaborators I want to work with. I want things to look a certain way. Not because it makes me look gay, or it makes me look straight, or it makes me look bisexual, but because I think it looks cool. And more than that, I dunno, I just think sexuality’s something that’s fun. Honestly? I can’t say I’ve given it any more thought than that.”

In our musty corner of the pub we’ve somehow passed a couple of hours in intense discussion. We’ll lighten up, before Styles heads home, with some chat about clever films (Marriage Story), stupider viral videos (the little boy who’s just learned the word “apparently”), that favourite-superhero stuff that, after all, has its place. He talks about the curious double time scheme of a pop star’s life – those crammed 18-hour days and then the sudden empty off-time when Styles might find himself walking miles across London to buy a book, afterwards congratulating himself: “Well, that’s an hour filled.”

Before we stand up I ask if he’s minded any of my questions.

He pushes out his lips, possibly recalling them one by one, then shakes his head. “What I would say, about the whole being-asked-about-my-sexuality thing – this is a job where you might get asked. And to complain about it, to say you hate it, and still do the job, that’s just silly. You respect that someone’s gonna ask. And you hope that they respect they might not get an answer.”

I tell him I do.

“Cool.”

Styles has to find those lads who wanted a photo. He scoops his phone off the table and flicks his thumb around the screen. Lately, he says, when he messes around on his phone in an idle moment, it’s mostly to look at videos – clips that his friends have sent him, in which their kids sing along to music he’s made. “Never gets old,” Styles says, beaming.

A few years ago, when he emerged from the boyband, blinking, shattered, he set himself three tasks: prioritise friends, learn how to be an adult, achieve a proper balance between the big and the small. Full stadiums, provocative outfits – Styles genuinely loves these things. “But I guess I’ve realised, as well,” he says, “that the coolest things are not always the cool things. Do you know what I mean?” He grabs his parka and his phone and, a little stooped, heads for home.

[very-grownup]

The Year is 2020 and I Watched Neon Genesis Evangelion for the First Time, Part 2

Episode 8.

Misato takes a bunch of teen boys out on a military rendezvous thing because she is at the point in her life where they are the only ones who think she is cool and don't judge her for her terrible lifestyle and alcoholism.

We meet a new friend, Asuka, who has red hair and is German (to contrast with Rei who has blue hair and is Japanese). She establishes her dominance by slapping teen boys and refusing to be embarrassed when the wind blows her dress over her head. She thinks Shinji sucks because he has poor self-esteem and empathy is hard and society does not have an understanding place for teen boys who manifest their issues through passive depression. She has an EVA and she loves getting in the robot because it is cool and powerful and strong. Her EVA is red which does make it objectively the coolest of the giant robots so far. She comes with her own inappropriate adult guardian named Kaji who has poor boundaries, does nothing to deter her crush on him. Kaji sabotages Misato as an authority figure by flirting with her and alluding to a sexual history. I guess it makes sense because fourteen is a prime age to begin noticing people sexually and the combination of that and the adolescent desire of the tantalizingly distant adulthood makes that one hot, relatively young teacher you have a fascinating source of fantasy.

All of the boats are named after Shakespeare plays except for the one called "Over the Rainbow". I like this.

This is the first episode where I notice Shinji is referred to as something which the subtitles have decided to call the "Third Children" so that I know these are bad subtitles that would rather be literal than good even though this is my first time watching the series!

A majestic sea pancake with teeth attacks from the water and basically all these ships are fucked and probably a lot of sailors die and Asuka gets in the robot and makes Shinji also get in the robot because she wants him to know how cool her robot is.

Asuka seems like the kind of girl who doesn't expect her peers to like her and who will pursue the approval of cool adults instead and doesn't mind not being friends with her peers as long as they fear/admire her because those are more reliable feelings than friendship.

Kaji /fucks off/ while the boat is under attack because he's not actually here to protect Asuka and these teens AND the giant robots are super disposable. Misato briefly thinks he's going to be helpful before realizing he's ditching. I feel like that's probably a lot of their dynamic - Kaji letting Misato down even though each time he shows up part of her thinks maybe he won't suck. This is probably Misato's relationship with a lot of people. There's a reason she drinks.

There's a cool underwater fight scene which is also a city destroying fight scene because the cities of the 20th century are underwater due to Incidents. They refer to the power plug and the cord Asuka's robot is attached to as the umbilical cord and hey I hate that. The only two remaining battleships get fucking jammed into the sea pancake's mouth simultaneously like hotdogs and then blow up and that's considered a win. /So many sailors are dead from this incident/.

Kaji fucking ditched to bring Shinji's dad a briefcase with some fucking space blob DNA encased in a fancy casserole dish and they refer to it as Adam and fuck you know nothing good ever comes from things named Adam. This concludes my report on Episode 8 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Episode 9 and 10 behind the cut.

Episode 9.

Asuka hates being in Japan and all her peers hate that she's in Japan. Asuka derives her self-worth from excelling at something she is used to having no competition in (piloting a giant robot) and being homesick just pushes that need harder. Shinji is upset because Asuka's aggressive and enthusiastic approach to the thing he is most frightened of makes him feel like less of a man and also less grownup. Also she has boobs and he is fourteen and girls existing is maybe as distressing as giant robots.

Someone in this episode realizes that having fourteen-year-olds pilot the giant robots is both a stupid and embarrassing decision when Shinji and Asuka's poor teamwork cause an Angel to duplicate itself which is the opposite of giant robots.

There is a lot of giant robot slapstick in this episode and it's very good and I laughed.

Kaji has stuck around to sexually harass Misato and make her workplace awful and make everyone, including Misato, not take his harassment seriously because they used to date so it's not harassment it's just falling into an old bad habit and it's depressingly realistic.

Misato is made entirely responsible for Asuka and Shinji's slapstick failure even though Asuka is supposedly Kaji's responsibility. She comes up with a very stupid plan to help them synchronize via DDR and being humiliated in front of their peers. Humiliating teens IS funny. But it also feels cruel when you consider Misato is the closest thing to an ally Shinji has. How much of Misato's poor decision making (with respect to the kids' emotional wellbeing) is a result of Misato living her best worst life and how much is the result of Misato being stressed out and doubting herself and her decisions and so much else because of Kaji's constant negging and flirtatious presence? She's already in over her head with the Shinji situation.

Shinji and Asuka are forced to live together in Misato's tiny shitty apartment and do everything together and in tandem and it's mostly a comical training montage of how much they hate each other.

There's a night when they're alone and they steal the opportunity for privacy. Asuka sleepwalks onto Shinji's futon and she still has boobs and Shinji is still 14 and he moves in to kiss her while she's asleep, until he realizes she's crying for her mother in her sleep. He removes himself from temptation, realizing that Asuka's just a fucked up kid, too. But it's a realization that comes with resentment: he wanted that fantasy of the peer who is also a sexy, confident grown up because it makes Asuka both an aspirational power fantasy figure and a sexual fantasy and if she's just a messed up kid like Shinji she can't be either.

It's sad because the whole episode encapsulates how NERV is failing these kids as well as why. Misato makes Shinji and Asuka figure out how to synchronize and work together but in a bad shitty way where they don't really understand each other because this is the military. Misato's job is to defeat the Angels and doing that efficiently and quickly takes priority over Shinji and Asuka's well-being as individuals. So, it works in the moment, but they aren't any closer to each other or understanding each other. There is no /time/ for empathy.

Their synchronized battle at the end of the episode against the duplicated monster is visually very cool and exciting and dynamic and a great sixty seconds of animation and it's clearly mostly a light gag episode to support the resources going to those sixty seconds. But that's sort of sad too, isn't it? This concludes my report on Episode 9 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Episode 10.

Okay so we started Beastars which has some really gorgeous use of colour that manages to echo the distinctive and striking style of the manga while being very much its own thing and we end the night with Madoka where tonight were time loop death pacts, so the Evangelion episode kind of got overwhelmed.

There's an Angel egg in the depths of an active volcano and Asuka's giant robot has to be put in an adorable space suit so as not to be crushed/melted by the pressure. Asuka's got a box to trap the egg in. I think they want to get the egg out of the volcano because if it hatches in the volcano it'll explode but they don't seem to have a plan for what to do with the egg if they manage to remove it from the volcano (they don't, obviously; egg hatches and has way too much mouth).

The main takeaway is that Shinji's dad is 100% ready to fucking nuke his son if it's necessary to stop the volcano from volcanoing with the Angel? I'm not actually clear on this point, but I am clear that Commander Ikari will nuke his son, possibly for many reasons.

It ends with Misato taking the kids to a hot spring because they couldn't go on their class trip to Okinawa (even though surely all the beaches are radioactive?). Surprisingly, you do not see the ladies in the hot spring, although Shinji gets a boner hearing Misato admire Asuka's breasts and skin. A penguin is the first creature to see Shinji's erect penis. This concludes my report on Episode 10 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[purplesurveys]

767

1.) What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? This question took such a weird turn lmao. I’ve only had one relationship - she was my best friend for three years before we started dating. No I’ve never seen the show.

2.) Are you a fan of inside jokes or do you tend to stay away from them? I’m not a ‘fan’ of inside jokes but it’s always funny to have a couple ones with my closest friends.

3.) Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? I was in a theatre club in Grade 1; annually my school also holds a year-end production and every grade always has a song number to perform, so technically I performed on stage every year for 14 years.

4.) Which movies currently out in theaters do you want to see? Malls have been closed for a while, and I’m like 102% positive not one cinema is showing anything right now. It doesn’t make any sense for them to, since no one is allowed to go out of the house except for picking up groceries or frontliner work anyway.

5.) Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? If they can literally turn any topic about their SO, it can get annoying. Andrew can get like this about Leigh sometimes. But I don’t mind it for the most part, I find it wholesome especially if someone is very clearly into their SO.

6.) How close would you say you are to your relatives? I don’t have personal heat with any of them but I wouldn’t run to my relatives first if I had any kind of problem. Very very few of them are interesting to talk to, but otherwise dealing with the rest of them is like walking through a minefield because most of them are very traditional.

7.) Do you collect anything? If so, what? I used to collect receipts, but not anymore. I don’t consciously collect my disposable vape pens but I just never got around to throwing them out once they ran out of puffs, so now I have a handful of them gathered in my bag.

8.) Is there anything you need to say to anyone? Let it out here. Thanks for working on all the statistics stuff on our thesis, I’ll get around to the writing parts again tomorrow.

9.) What’s your favorite Pokemon? Jigglypuff has always been my favorite one. < Aaaahhh same. I also always found Gyarados to be a badass.

10.) If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why? BoJack Horseman. Jk. My two best friends, because they knew me best and it would make no sense for me to pick any other person who I am not as close with.

11.) What was the last book you’ve read? YAAAAA’LL I’m so proud to say I’m reading a book! It’s another autobiography, surprise surprise. I’m reading former WWE announcer Justin Roberts’ book, Best Seat in the House. He was and still is such a cool dude and is one of the most genuine workers in the industry, and I’ve heard nothing but amazing words about his book so I decided to finally start on it.

12.) Do you enjoy old movies? Love them. 

13.) If you play the Sims games, which one is your favorite? I never really followed the series as I’m not big on video games to begin with.

14.) If given the choice, would you rather go to Subway or a Chinese restaurant? Chinese, fosho. Minced pork and eggplant, century eggs, and yang chao sound sooooo good right now.

15.) Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? The grownups don’t, but some kids do.

16.) When was the last time you had a Ring Pop? Grade 2, probably. I stopped having them when their hype died down.

17.) Whose car were you in last? I haven’t been inside a car since March 10th, but the last one was one of our family cars.

18.) What was the last party you were invited to? Rita’s sister’s friend was a new DJ and they were having their inaugural set at a club in BGC and I got invited to the party, but it was happening on the same night as mine and Gab’s anniversary so I declined.

19.) Are you honestly happy with your life right now? It could be so much better in so many ways, but I wouldn’t say I’m unfortunate.

20.) Have you ever kissed anyone in an elevator? Yeah but I always make sure there aren’t any CCTVs because I super hate being spotted doing PDA lol.

[deliciousmeta]

According to halacha, which actions is Azula liable for?

One of my favorite ways to study Jewish texts is to take a fictional character or situation and examine it through the lens of Jewish text and tradition.

I’ve done this before with ABC’s Once Upon A Time. Now I’m going to take up this exercise again with Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Before I begin, a few things to keep in mind.

I’m not a Talmud scholar.

There is no definitive Jewish Opinion™ about any issue pertaining to halacha. Unanimous opinions on halacha are so rare that when we find one, we assume something went wrong in the process..

Azula is a morally polarizing character in AtLA fandom. Regardless of who you ask, you’re bound to get some strong opinions about exactly what she’s done, the extent to which she’s responsible for it, and what this says about her morality or lack thereof. I’m not going to rehash those arguments. I think I’ve made it clear that I care less about whether people approve of her behavior than I do about how their statements about her reinforce harmful messages about women, people of color, LGBT people and mentally ill people.

Nevertheless, she’s incredibly interesting, and studying Jewish text is fun, so here we are.

Why examine Azula’s actions through the lens of halacha?

Halacha gets a lot of flack because it comes off as excessively legalistic. But, in my opinion, that’s based on a misunderstanding of what halacha is. Usually translated as “Jewish law,” the word halacha actually comes from the root word that means “to go/walk.”

Halacha is not a collection of rules for the sake of having rules. It’s meant to take us somewhere. You can write a library of books about exactly what that is and what it means. But for the sake of simplicity, halacha is how we show that we recognize the holiness of everything in creation. So we aim to do right by one another, by the land we live in and by the creatures we share this world with.

Before we can launch into examining the halachic ramifications of the things Azula does, we need to establish some boundaries.

Only the show counts. It’s the common frame of reference universally accepted by the vast majority of fandom. Fandom’s stances on the comics, novelizations and other tie-in materials are too variable to base an analysis on.

Word of God is immaterial. While some would use the phrase Death of the Author, Jewish tradition has a more entertaining take on it. In the Talmud, there’s a dispute between Rabbi Eliezer and some of his peers. In that story, Rabbi Eliezer says that if he’s right, this or that miraculous thing would happen, and those miraculous things do happen. But the other rabbis still reject it because we don’t determine halacha by miraculous signs. Eventually, God parts the heavens and says, “Rabbi Eliezer is right.” But another rabbi responds, “The Torah is not in heaven,” meaning that the Torah was meant for human beings on earth to interpret for themselves. And God’s response? To smile and say, “My children have defeated Me.”

Now, let’s begin.

Is Azula bound by halacha?

She’s not Jewish, so no. However, all human beings are bound by the Noahide laws. For the sake of argument, let’s say that the Noahide covenant applies to all humans on all worlds. According to the Talmud (Sanhedrin 56a.24):

Since the halakhot of the descendants of Noah have been mentioned, a full discussion of the Noahide mitzvot is presented. The Sages taught in a baraita: The descendants of Noah, i.e., all of humanity, were commanded to observe seven mitzvot: The mitzva of establishing courts of judgment; and the prohibition against blessing, i.e., cursing, the name of God; and the prohibition of idol worship; and the prohibition against forbidden sexual relations; and the prohibition of bloodshed; and the prohibition of robbery; and the prohibition against eating a limb from a living animal.

What is Azula’s legal status?

In any case, we know the rules, and now we have to decide whether Azula broke them or not, right?

Not so fast.

First, we have to determine if Azula is of the appropriate legal status to be held accountable for upholding the Noahide laws. In other words: when she committed certain acts, was Azula an adult capable of making rational decisions?

Clear your mind of the idea that being an adult is the same as being a grownup. Instead, think of it as a term that defines when people can make legally binding decisions.

As far as I can tell, the Talmud doesn’t say when a gentile becomes an adult. However, we can use halacha as a guide.

Now for a warning.

If frank talk about the physical development of adolescents makes you uncomfortable, you might want to skip this next part. There’s nothing graphic or titillating about what I’m going to discuss, but if breasts and pubic hair squick you out, skip this part until I say it’s safe in bold like this.

According to halacha, a girl reaches adulthood when she’s twelve years and one day old and has two pubic hairs. Yeah, you read that right. Twelve and two pubes are the requirement. Before this point, nothing she does is legally binding, even if she’s really smart and claims to be fully aware of what she’s doing. After this point, her actions are legally binding, even if she says she had no idea what she was doing.

On the show, we see Azula in a range of ages. In “Zuko Alone,” we see her at roughly eight years old. In “The Storm,” she’s about eleven. In all the other episodes she’s in, she’s fourteen. So, from a legal standpoint, flashback!Azula is too young for her actions to be legally binding. At that point in time, the responsibility would fall to her parents.

Um, I’m not willing to speculate about the genitals of an underage cartoon character, so for the sake of argument, I’m assuming that 14-year-old Azula meets the two pubes requirement. Thus, 14-year-old Azula is responsible for her actions.

If you skipped that last part, it’s safe to continue now.

OK, we’ve established that flashback!Azula is too young for her actions to be legally binding, but in the main story, Azula is legally an adult and responsible for her actions.

We good? Alright.

Which Noahide laws does Azula actually break?

This is both easier and harder than it seems.

The laws about idol worship, cursing God, and forbidden sexual acts don’t apply to her because neither religion nor sex are portrayed as such on the show. Also, the law about establishing courts of justice is a communal obligation, not one that falls on a single individual, so that’s another one we don’t have to concern ourselves with.

That leaves the prohibitions against bloodshed, robbery and eating a limb cut from a living animal.

First up: bloodshed.

The connotation of the prohibition against bloodshed is not for general acts of violence, but actual murder.

Here’s where I think I’m going to throw a lot of people for a loop. Azula doesn’t kill anyone on the show. She tries. She comes close. She wouldn’t lose sleep over it if she did. But nobody’s dead because of her. She doesn’t even take lives as collateral damage.

One could argue that zapping Aang with lightning counts as killing, but when the Sages talk about death and dying, I assume they mean the kind where the dead stay dead, not people who are revived by magic spirit water. Furthermore, if someone’s about to kill you (and I think entering the Avatar State qualifies here), you are halachically obligated to save your own life, even if it means killing that person.

Second: robbery.

We’ll come back to that.

Third: eating a limb from a living animal.

This prohibition is often expanded to incorporate all forms of animal cruelty.

The show does portray animal cruelty. We see a prime example with the circus in “Appa’s Lost Days.”

But what about Azula? We don’t see her interact with many animals on the show, but there are two notable examples: Appa the sky bison in “Appa’s Lost Days” and Bosco the bear in “The Crossroads of Destiny.”

How does her behavior measure up? Despite her earlier behavior of terrorizing turtleducks, Azula does not harm either Appa or Bosco.

On the show, Mai and Ty Lee are seen spending time with Bosco in the throne room while the Earth King is imprisoned. So, at the very least, they treat the bear well.

So, Azula is not liable for animal cruelty.

*hands Azula her Not As Big A Jerk As She Could Have Been award*

Now, let’s revisit that prohibition against robbery.

Given the prescribed punishment (decapitation), the connotation seems to be taking the rightful property of another through violent means. That being said, the prohibition against robbery is often extended to include all sorts of theft.

This one might have some legs. On the show, does Azula take the rightful property of another, and does she use violent means to do so?

Absolutely.

A major example is stealing the clothes of the Kyoshi Warriors after defeating them in combat.

But!

The show takes place during a time of war, and the Kyoshi Warriors, as allies of the Avatar, are enemies of the Fire Nation. So does beating them up and taking their uniforms fall under the prohibition against robbery, or are the Kyoshi Warrior uniforms considered the spoils of war and thus free for the taking?

Halachically speaking, it might actually be the latter. When fighting the Kyoshi Warriors, Azula acts as a military commander during a time of war and achieves a decisive victory against an elite combat unit. Thus, she is entitled to take their stuff.

So, back to the original question: which actions does Azula commit during the show that she’s halachically liable for?

The answer, shockingly, may be: none.

On the show, we’re encouraged to think of Azula as a Very Bad Girl who does Very Bad Things. She’s calculating, ruthless and deceptive. She’s also full of herself. She’s not someone who inspires warm, fuzzy feelings in most people. But when you put her actions under the microscope, she exercises remarkable restraint compared to what she’s capable of.

Don’t worry. No one’s going to nominate her for a Nobel Peace Prize just yet. This is Azula we’re talking about. She’s not acting out of an overwhelming love for humanity. But it is interesting that despite her threats to kill, maim and destroy, she doesn’t participate in wanton destruction or wasteful loss of life.