#this is like the only way i contribute to character bdays :')

[mysteriousmissme]

HAPPY MITSUBA DAY MITSUNATIONNN

[chirpsythismorning]

one of the birthdaygate doubter anons from earlier, no.1 please please please don't ever compare me to a mlvn ever again there are few more insulting things I could be told, no.2 I feel like I maybe didn't explain myself properly so I'm gonna try again?

a. I don't care too much about background details bc while I feel they're helpful little easter eggs for analyzing things I feel the more important thing to keep in mind is how something actually affects the narrative and characters, and that goes for any theories not bdaygate so I'm just saying you don't need to list out all the one off lines and stuff I WAS actually reading the birthdaygate posts originally I PROMISE I have seen a lot of the stuff

b. so I said that I don't think birthdaygate makes sense narratively, and that's an opinion that hasn't really changed. you compare it to how they're subtle about byler, but the way they're subtle about byler is just by not stating that it's an option, but it still follows standard friends to lovers tropes, and they've still set up narratives with an inevitable byler conclusion, such as will being the one who pushes mike to say ily to el, with HIS OWN feelings as a motivator. whereas with birthdaygate the clearest pointer aside from all the background details is just that it happens to be march 22nd? it feels like they left it way too up to chance that the audience would remember it's will's birthday. I didn't even remember, and I've always been a pretty avid st fan.

what I think they would've done is state in some way not just the date, but the significance of the date, that way you are certain that detail will have significance later in this season or the next, like how will lied about the painting so we know that has to fall apart eventually. they could've had a character other than mike joyce or jonathan mention that it's will's birthday. this could've totally been a throwaway line from dustin, or they could've shown it marked on someone's calendar, but instead they rely on you to remember a detail from 2 seasons ago that wasn't even the most important part of the scene it was in? this especially feels like an odd conflict to not even slightly mention in text until s5. this feels like something where at least the START of that narrative would have to happen in s4

and then even if you do still think this qualifies as properly setting up a plot point, (which is your prerogative and your opinion to have. and obviously one I don't agree with it just feels like an unusual writing choice to me and doesn't feel like the way they normally write things) i still don't see how this actually smoothly integrates into the story while positively contributing to character and plot development? like we are nearing the end of the story, while we probably don't know the fullest reach of vecna's powers, memory stealing still feels like one that comes out of left field, and a pretty large plot point to introduce in the last season when you're supposed to be wrapping things up. it also feels clunky for character development? what do we get out of this? like do we like birthdaygate just because it sounds cool or because it would actually be narratively satisfying for the story? because I just don't see it concluding well, that feels like WAY too big of a thing for him to have just stolen the memory of will's birthday for shits and giggles and then done nothing else, and it also would make other shit with character actions and stuff weird I think. how did they not forget his bday in the time between s2 and s3? sorry I'm starting to get off track point is I literally don't see what birthdaygate actually CONTRIBUTES to the narrative. like if it happens what's the point of it though

a. Technically Easter eggs aren't intended to be caught by everyone the moment that they appear. And so, if they're only willing to give us Easter eggs to hint at birthdaygate in s4, it's probably because they want to save that official revelation for s5, meaning bringing it up more blatantly, would make those easter eggs less exciting and the surprise in s5 pretty anti-climactic. Easter eggs are literally designed so that only a few people with keen eyes notice them at first, and it often requires those very people informing the majority who are not fixated enough to look into the details themselves.

Also a little side note, I decided to look up the origins of Easter eggs in popular media. A lot of it was related to coding and gaming, but there was a section on broadcast media, where they literally mention Stranger Things using the number on the Surfer Boy Pizza van in s4 promo to leave a 'special message'... Even the literal Wiki page for Easter eggs supports birthdaygate??? Like come on now!?

Yes these easter eggs are fun when analyzing specifically in terms of theorizing right now, but their true value lies in rewatch value in the future. Easter eggs make future revelations more satisfying, because anyone can argue something came out of nowhere, however, if there are 1, 2, 3, 4+ things hinting at it, then the argument it came out of nowhere becomes slightly flawed.

Details are extremely important. I wouldn’t personally discredit them by saying they're less important, even when compared to what is said outright, especially in ST case. More often than not, what is said outright isn’t always them informing us of the facts, sometimes it’s there to intentionally trick us or to subvert. We know this because the details often contradict what they’re outright telling us. They often SHOW instead of TELL, which is an important rule for filmmakers who want their audience to think a little bit. We should be paying attention to the details, as it’s likely it’ll be necessary for us to understand what’s to come. And so, if you're picking and choosing which details to care about, you are bound to miss a thing or two...

b. Though it's not exactly encouraged right now (for obvious reasons), I can guarantee that the promotion surrounding s5 is going to make a big emphasis on the importance of rewatching the show. It's very likely we're going to be seeing the actors and Duffer's themselves voicing how necessary it is that viewers rewatch the show to prepare for what's to come.

Byler for example is something that a lot of the ga doesn't see as happening, and it's mostly because they just haven't rewatched the show recently, either not since watching s4, or even more likely they've probably only watched the entire show once through.

Does that mean that if 99% of casuals viewers assume it's not happening because the signs weren't obvious enough, that byler endgame would be bad writing? Or that it’s bad writing bc rewatching is necessary to fully understand/appreciate it? No, I don't think so! Not at all! Because there is a lot of evidence in the details. It's just that it requires the viewer to watch it more than once, and also pay closer attention, to see it for themselves and believe it.

All of us are in this tag because we rewatched the show and paid attention to the details. We could be just as clueless as the rest of the audience if we only watched the show once and moved on. But something caught our attention, which lead us to looking deeper. It wasn't just handed to us on a silver platter.

In fact byler was almost handed to us in s4, only to suddenly be ripped away in the most gut-wrenching way, leaving pretty much all bylers to seriously doubt endgame post vol. 2 (some still indefinitely). Hell, the actors and creators themselves are still trying to convince us Milkvan is endgame! BUT the details!??!! The details are what made a lot of us rethink everything and that's when we slowly started to figure out that the answers were hidden in the details, despite what was outright said to us contradicting that.

Yes, a good portion of the audience is oblivious and in the dark about almost everything beyond the most basic outright narrative in front of them. But ST wasn't intended for viewers like that, nor was it intended for viewers to watch it like that indefinitely. Right now it's unfinished, and so the Duffer’s do get a kick out of people missing things. They're even known for lying about certain things because they don't want the audience to get too close to the surprises before it's revealed.

After all, there would be no fun in everyone knowing what's to come because they stated it outright. There is an appeal to the surprise factor while we're still waiting. But when it's complete, it will all come together and make sense. So when we do finally have the ending, that's when we'll be able to watch the show the way it was intended to be watched; from beginning to end, then rewatched, again and again, as much as we please, assuming we want to see all the hints we missed in the details for ourselves.

When it comes to needing a bigger hint about the date, I think I understand your frustration. You think that if they were to explore birthdaygate at all, it would need to be brought up in the narrative in a way that everyone watching would be able to go OMG they forgot, and for it to be an in canon concept in s4, before they delve into it officially in s5.

However, I disagree.

Having someone, say Dustin or Lucas mention it, in a one off comment, would have taken away the excitement that is bound to come from them exploring that concept in early s5, potentially even s5 opener early...

I don't want to get into all the rumors and speculation, but there is quite a bit of potential evidence that they filmed scenes we haven't seen yet, because of BTS related to Noah and Will's character potentially, which circulated during s4 promotion ie. him filming at rink-o-mania in his blue plaid, the actor for lonnie being at the table read, noah and his body double in different costumes near a baseball field...

Another thing people completely overlook, is that the Duffer's themselves have admitted that s5 opens in a way that starts right off where s4 ended. They even went far as revealing they know how it starts, and they have no intention of changing it.. It's almost like parts of it might already be set in stone (filmed)?

Do I personally think Birthdaygate is going to be revealed in early s5, potentially even s5 opener early? Yes. Is that 100% likely, obviously not.

Maybe that's why it's easier for me to digest it and give it a lot more consideration? Like why bring it up blatantly in s4, if the plan was for it to open s5? It would also create a lot of hype for the final season once it is revealed, either by hinting it in s5 promo or in the first 10 minutes of the final season.

Quite frankly, a lot of fans are losing hope in the show's credibility because of the Duffer's admitting to forgetting Will's birthday. And so upon the revelation they didn't forget, that it was actually a big ploy to not spoil that revelation coming at the start of s5, would mean all the details are mostly likely intentional. And everyone coming to that realization, going back and watching, is going to lose their shit.

I don't think it's a reach to assume that all that extra time they had allowed them to be able to leave hints, put there intentionally so that when we do have the whole story, we can look back both impressed with their attention to detail, but also slightly embarrassed because we doubted them in the first place. Because the details are so fucking obvious that it's kind of insulting to buy into the lie at all.

Now onto your final point: memory stealing.

You say Vecna being capable of ‘stealing’ memories would be coming out of left field and so I urge you, and everyone honestly, to rewatch the show because…

In case you forgot or don't remember, s2 had an entire plot focused on Will and memories.

As the Mindflayer gained more control over Will, it caused him to lose his short-term memory. People like Bob, Hopper and Dr. Owens, who he didn't have strong connections (memories!!) with, he no longer recognized by name:

Although Mike encouraged Will to look at the bright side of things, that he could technically be a super spy with his ability to see/feel what the Mindflayer was feeling, even having access to his now-memories (I wonder if they could make it any more obvious how important memories are?), it also came with cons.

As the Mindflayer started to gain more control of Will, his short-term memories started slipping. Those parts of him were being taken over and hijacked. The only thing that allowed Will to keep fighting on, despite him barely holding on by the end of s2, was those important memories he shared with Joyce, Jonathan and Mike.

And so how does birthdaygate fit into that?

Well, this is where it gets kind of epic.

At the end of 4x07, we see El manage to defeat Peter (Henry). Though this wasn't present day, this was back in 1979, before Vecna ever had a plan for Will.

His original plan at that time, was to presumably get El to join him. He took someone who was feeling weak and made them an offer he thought they couldn't refuse. Because I mean, El's life was pretty shit at that time, like god awful. And so she was the perfect contender in his eyes. And not only that but she was presumably powerful.

And what did El do exactly to succeed in defeating him?

Well, she recalled the day she was born (her birthday).

The love from her mother she experienced in that moment, and the power she gained from that love, was much stronger than any power Henry had from all of his bitterness and hate he felt.

And so, is it possible Henry learned something that day? That maybe, if he were to try this again, but to instead get Will to join him, that he might need to rethink his approach?

How can he prevent Will from having the power to fight on?

How can he prevent Will from using his happiest moments to save the day again?

By taking them away all together? By erasing them? Stealing them? Whatever you want to call it, I think how exactly that will play out remains to be seen.

I don't have all the answers. I'm not the Duffers and I don't claim to have all the answers about how this will play out.

I don't think that takes away from the evidence though and the implications of what this kind of event would cause Will to feel, and us the audience to feel watching it play out.

Seeing Will suffer as much as he has, and this now topping it off? Vecna now using it all against him to join him? We're going to be feeling for him tremendously. Whether he joins him or not (by choice or not by choice), is going to be fucking incredible to see play out.

[candiedblueberries]

I posted 6,647 times in 2022

That's 5,921 more posts than 2021!

412 posts created (6%)

6,235 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/griancraft

@/beacon-lamp

@/go-learn-esperanto

@/theminecraftbee

@/metfell

I tagged 6,558 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#rb - 5,796 posts

#art - 1,427 posts

#queer queue - 1,380 posts

#hc - 797 posts

#dsmp - 519 posts

#mcyt - 409 posts

#blues nonsensical ramblings - 298 posts

#dl - 258 posts

#fav - 224 posts

#<3 - 181 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#this.this is exactly how i feel llike. i spentsome of my happiest moments in this fandom but now it leaves a bitter taste when i thnk back o

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

tired of people reducing techno's accomplishments to just the dsmp, so here's some of his none dsmp achievements:

absolutely destroying minecraft ultimate by killing everyone and singlehandly helped raise about 1/3 of the money for charity. he also set a record for the most amount of kills and turned noah pikaclicks in a copypasta.

him & his community raising 1/3 of the money for mcc pride, which is about $100,000

1,000+ bedwars winstreak

his flawless ace race run in the mcc sky map, which is still unbeatable to this day i believe

the potato war. need i say more

the fact that he would be able to win/outsmart people in every way that was humanly possible. like no matter what he played, he would always manage to win. (see: every video with techno & skeppy ever) he was such a clever and witty guy and his brain is truly incredible

that one buildmart where he figured out every possible build and counted the blocks needed for each one and gave each member of his team a shopping list. he was insane in the best ways possible

the fact that he was so good at minecraft monday that they nerfed him so much (inexperienced teammates, bad teammates, that fucking bounty, etc etc.) and he still managed to stay positive and have a good time. he also still managed to win sometimes. his patience and kindness truly has no bounds

he raised over $157,000 for sarcoma research. (if you want to contribute, you can donate at curesarcoma.org!)

468 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

#4

okay so

mumbo presses shift with his thumb

joel plays windowed/not full screen

ranboo plays with his mouse inverted

jimmy doesn't use a mousepad

why are all these minecraft youtubers insane

726 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

#3

the mcyt enjoyer (any fandom) to gtws enjoyer pipeline is real and true

1,972 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#2

everyone shut up and look at him

2,137 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

scar's light broke, his mic fell off the wall and he's holding it, grian tango bdubs cub scar podcast, scar gets 1 year added to his age every time someone mentions his bday, scar swore twice, what the FUCK is going on

2,830 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[heartstabyuldaisuki]

Thoughts of how/why Azul views interpersonal relationships superficially

Anyone want to see how far can a Heartslabyul stan rumble about Azul?😂

A bit Spoilers for ch3, ch4, his bday card and his PE uniform story

The below is merely my perosnal interpretation🙈, which may or may not be the same as your view.

I'm not too familiar with Azul's character, some points may or may not be my misinterpretion, and I apologize in advance if that's that.😅🙈🙇‍♀️

Please proceed with these in mind,thank you😁

By superficial, I meant the way he views people interaction as 'benefit to one self and the other'.

I believe Azul had developed trust issues coz of

I)His experience of being bullied

II)His adopted dad

III)His successes

VI)Jade and Floyd

Personally, I feel all the 4 above portionally contribute to how Azul develop his twisted belief in human relation.

Here's my interpretion👇🏻

1)Bullying->trust issues

Bullying impacts a person a lot. I don't have deep knowledge about that topic, but here's something I find online.

Kids who are regularly targeted by bullies often suffer both emotionally and socially. Not only do they find it hard to make friends, but they also struggle to maintain healthy friendships.

Part of this struggle is directly related to low self-esteem. A lack of self-esteem is a direct result of the mean and hurtful things that other kids say about them. When kids are continually called "fat" or "losers," they begin to believe these things are true.

I think these descriptions really fits Azul as he genuinely believes his past self is a "Stupid,clumsy octopus", or I should say, that's what he subconsciously views himself as, therefore all the hard work for keep up his appearance is to cover up the low self-image.

They also may have a hard time trusting people, which can impact their personal relationships and their work relationships.

In which, it's true for Azul. I'll be elaborating on that later down.

Anyway,I think (1) +dangerous environment of the sea is the stem of the belief "Shouldn't place trust on others easily." Why? Because this can puts himself in disadvantage/in danger

Also, that's the point where his insecurities begins

2)trust issues->meets the eels and his adopted dad

From (2) onwards(the A,B,C,D) are probably pushing Azul's insecurities about interpersonal relationships more.

A)Merman bullying him

👇🏻

He thinks the reason is because he's an octopus/his worthlessness (self-blame/self-doubt)

👇🏻

He wants power, strong enough to make the bullies fall in a lower position than him 

(Yearns for confidence)

+

B)His mum married another man

His adopted dad is a lawyer =successful man in business

(might or might not be the exact opposite of his blood-related dad)

👇🏻

May stir thoughts like...

"Successful/Hard-working people are more worthy of rewards"

"These types of people can have their ways in being beneficial, so I should strive for that image."

👇🏻

Self-convincing with the belief

👇🏻

Probably also believe he can change himself by training

=Have more abilities

=Can be more confident

= more powerful

👇🏻

Learns about how contract works

👇🏻

Develop his UM +keep working hard in general

👇🏻

All these successes satisfy his insecurities/pride(?), and then he wants more

👇🏻

Possibly view these practical stuff (deals/benefit to one self) more valuable than develop true heart-to-heart interpersonal relationships 

C)Jade and Floyd only sticks with Azul coz he's interesting

👇🏻

While I do believe they generally care for him, these two very likely never express that in words.

 (Not like they are the types/can do fluffy stuffs in a sincere manner anyway😂)

👇🏻

Maybe Azul takes their words at face value. Plus, with how potentially dangerous these two are

👇🏻

A double-edged sword, he may think to get on their good side and uses them to his advantage 

By that, I meant Azul did sth and made the twins think he's interesting

In which kinda happened as in ch3, Jade and Floyd discovered how Azul's contracts and stuffs affect others, and their reactions.

👇🏻

The reactions of others are interesting, and amuses the eel twins

👇🏻

"interesting"=Unpredictible stuff/not boring

And if I get it right, that's what fascinating to Jade and Floyd

I can imagine Azul at first wanted nothing to do with those two but...maybe with them continuing to approach him

(Like that time they discovered the Azul's UM,deals and contracts stuff with classmates,thus develop more interest in him)

👇🏻

"Might as well use these two to my advantage, and satisfy all our wants."

By their wants, I think for each of them are...

Azul👇🏻

Success in sth+being the one in control

Jade👇🏻

Observe and enjoy how interesting things roll+Operates in the background

Floyd👇🏻

See how interesting things can go/join to the fun himself/enjoy the thrill in process

Thus, their current relationship.

(Again, it's all deals/benefits to one self and another)

D)Trust issues->himself/others

With years going on, everything may be on a nice track. Azul believes the past is all the past.

Little did he know, the insecurities still sticks with him.

(Not truly trusting in self)

That's why in ch3,when his contracts were all gone, he immediately went into a panic and thought he's reverting to who he was before.

To be honest,I think it's possible Azul could still pretend the contract are still there to fool others or blackmail to force people signing a new one with him anyway.

(Maybe he couldn’t do that to all people,still at least most at NRC. that's hella pain, but still works)

Also,as the Octavinelle dorm leader, contract or not,that's already enough power to make most students succumb, no?

Yet, he's still Panicked. The proof of his self-doubt, an evidence he doesn't trust himself as a person(?)

(Idk if I explain that clear🙈)

Like he's confident in his abilities to do this and that, but has a mindset of "The abilities/all the hard work contributes to the success achieved." instead of "I'm the person doing all that so I success."

Hopefully, he would develop and find true confidence in himself🥺😭

(Not truly trusting in others)

In Azul's PE uniform story, he thinks Jamil has other ulterior intentions to teach him when the latter only do so coz of a teacher's instructions 

Again,his mind quickly jumps to "benefits for himself/others" mode.

One last thing, I think Azul mentioned somewhere he doesn't fully trust Jade/Floyd/both and vice versa in ch4.

To conclude, beneath Azul's businessman attire, it's a mix of twisted "deal/benefits" belief, a kinda childhood trauma, and a diligent soul.

P.S.

Don't know if anyone happens to come across this and read it to the end🙈

If so, thank you so much for reading it☺🙇‍♀️

I tried my best writing this thought,feel free to express your opinions in the comments😂🙈

[kwamiwayzz]

I was thinking about that one scene from crash landing on you where Seri comes back to her apartment and thinks that ri jyeong hyeok and her other friends left to go back to north korea without saying goodbye and her having to break down in her home bc shes back to square one again and all alone until her friends come out of hiding and surprise her on her bday bc they read that surprise parties were something that south koreans do to celebrate but bc shes crying they think they did something wrong and ri jyeong hyeok has to chase her down when she storms off because she didnt want them to see her like that and sjckskcksk

And I couldnt help but think of eimiko in the context of how this would fit well with miko's character in a way because all her life she would hide behind many different faces and become and sly and cunning as possible so that she woildnt reveal her more vulnerable side. The fact that in-game she had to deal with everything alone after all her close friends died and Ei left for the plane of euthymia, so she built up all these various faces and the only one who truly knows the much softer and vulnerable Miko, is Ei and Ei only. After playing through Miko's character quest, you could tell that she's been lonely for those 500 years. All she has from her days from pre-catacylsm inazuma is Ei. And even when traveler and Paimon were trying to get Miko to open up after she performed the ritual the release the youkai spirits to go back to afterlife, she was still hiding her vulnerability from them. I couldn't help but imagine that if Ei were to "disappear" from her again (in the context of trying to do something grand and nice for Miko), Miko would break down somewhere alone and think this is it... again. Shes back to square one and has to go about her life without the one person who, is also part of "old inazuma", but also someone she cares about deeply. She would probably still go about her life trying to contribute to inazuma and it's people but things still would feel empty without her god and be absolutely devastated.

Anyway where was I going with this lmao? Oh yeah...tldr Yae Miko would be Seri in this context

I have more brainrot for this au and I will sell a kidney just to manifest it into existence

[zhuhongs]

なんか私の想いが溢れ出した. i went out with some friends last night and every time i go out i always realize just how bad i am at communicating and how bad I am with people. (long meandering post under the cut. feel free to ignore its unfocused and long.. like 2k words under there)

I’ve mentioned this before but I don’t really talk much irl. I don’t talk, I can’t connect properly. Every time I’m out with people I just feel fundamentally, like… different. So a group of my irls friends plus me were going to the movie theatre and I personally really hate movie theatres. I knew we were going to one and prepared myself thinking “oh it’ll be fine bc you'll be with friends, just enjoy their company '' But god I really hate movie theaters. It’s been so long, i forgot how much I really really hated them. They’re so loud and bright. I’d much rather watch a movie at home but tbh I also just don’t like movies bc I can’t sit through them and I can’t focus and I don’t get invested easily and I need to be doing something with my hands at all times. To make matters worse, my friend's friend that I really don’t like came along. I just, I don’t like her. She’s just too loud and attention seeking and childish. Like she says things for a reaction, like rlly not okay things sometimes and I just can’t stand her. like we went to see godzilla vs king kong and then entire movie she kept YELLING "IF THEY DONT KISS I WANT MY MONEY BACK" and i was like... you are 21 yrs old oh my god.. this isnt ur tumblr blog in middle school. shut up. But here’s the thing, I don’t know how to tell her or anyone that. Like I just can’t figure out a good way to say it, so I put up with it. Things like this just make me feel incredibly annoyed. I always talk on here about how if I have an issue with anyone, I’ll just say it like an adult. But in face to face situations I just don’t know how to say things. Well I do know how to say it - it’d be easy.  I just hate having to do it. Like I don't have to say the whole thing about how I don’t like her but when she says like “simp” when she’s nonblack I could just be like. “Hey don’t say that, here’s why” and I’m sure she’d stop. Yet I can’t bring myself to have that one moment of discomfort to tell her to stop yelling in my ear or stop saying things that make me annoyed. I feel useless in a way. ちゃんとできない。 ちゃんと伝えない。During the entire movie I was thinking to myself that I’d rather be home watching a drama by myself and doing hw. I also hate going out for other reasons. I hate being seen. I hate my appearance. I know I don’t have to be pretty, I only need to exist for me. Like wow, I just have so many body image issues, and they all manifest heavily as soon as I go out in public. 

But afterwards I changed my mind a bit. There was a moment where we were outside running around in the street and it reminded me of that one scene in AIB episode one with Chota, Karube, and Arisu in the street and I was rlly like… wow… maybe human connection really is good. It doesn’t matter if I’m pretty or good at talking, sometimes, to laugh and be silly wth others is all you need to make your night. Just one moment, just one person really is all it takes. We all went out for dinner afterwards and it was really really fun. I enjoyed it, there really is something about eating with someone that brings you closer to them.  

The entire time though, I didn’t talk much. I don’t really know when to cut in in a conversation to a point where it feels right. I feel like by saying my piece I’m interrupting others just to say something that wasn’t really of any use. Really, I prefer silence with others. I’m bad at talking in social situations but I’m great at talking in classes and at work because of the context. Because I’m expected to engage there. The pretense is different. Like you’re supposed to contribute in those places. It’s acceptable to talk there. But for me, it doesn’t really feel acceptable to just share about myself like that in a social group setting. I wish I could always communicate like how I am doing here. It’s so much nicer online. I get to post my full complete thoughts without bothering any of you. My words can easily be disregarded and just flipped through. It’s passive. Posting is passive, talking is active. And sometimes, people don't really want to talk to others, they just want to say their piece. Like when talking about their problems, often we just want to say it and the act of saying those words is all we need. We don’t want input, it annoys us. I don’t like to cut in, and I can never find the right words to say. Even right now, none of this feels like it’s coming out correctly. None of my words feel like they’re coming out correctly nowadays, but this is the only way I know how to be. If I can’t post my thoughts on here, even if they come out crooked and ugly, I may never speak again. I have to keep talking, and typing, and trying otherwise I’ll never get any better. And I know it’s okay to do things wrong, but still, I can’t let myself do that. Again, I do fine when I’m at work and school. I’m functional, normal, you would never be able to tell how much is going on in my head. But in private, I may never speak again if I wasn’t spoken to. 

When I was younger, around 12 or 13, I remember something a friend posted on my first online community. They posted, quite honestly, that they never wanted to meet anyone on there irl. No matter how close we are, it would never be the same IRL. I didn’t get that sentiment at the time. To me, why wouldn’t you want to see your friends everyday in person? That would be great. But I think I get it now. I’m afraid that if I ever met any of you someday it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not really the same in person. I’m bad at talking, bad at connecting. I’m not a proper person. But I feel like that’s okay. It’s okay to just exist on here as I am. While my friend was talking to me on our drive back to her place (we carpooled) she was telling me about her life. And she was apologizing like “oh I’m sorry I keep talking about myself” but quite honestly I was glad to just be able to listen. At some point my friend kept asking me what was up so I decided maybe I’ll tell them the arcane secrets of how I’ve been into guardian and how all the characters rlly hit for me for personal reasons. That was really the only thing I thought that was of note to tell her about. Really I don’t think I’ve done or felt much new since I last talked to her. But as I was trying to explain I just wasn’t doing it right. She just didn’t get it and trying to talk about something like that just made me embarrassed to the point where I just dropped it and tried to just say, “oh yea, you got it, that’s it.” and move along bc I didn’t think she’d get it. She’s the type that doesn’t really get how you can make meaningful connections online. So whenever I try to talk to her about certain things, it just doesn’t register. I’ve learned to choose my battles. I didn’t really think she wanted to get it. So I didn’t tell her. I tried telling her about stuff I liked in the past and I just always stop halfway through. I can’t communicate properly. I can’t speak in a way that I think is worthy of being heard. So I don’t talk. It frustrates me to no end. It feels like everyone else can do it so easily, that I’m the wrong one. 

I had another friend from Uni message me about something and she was like “so what’s new with you, twin” (we have similar bdays and get along well so we call each other that) and tbh I just, didn’t know what to tell her. I had talked to her in a long time, so things had happened but nothing so easily said that I could just tell her over text. SO I just was like “work, school, yk how it is” and yea. I really am the one choosing not to let people in. It frustrates me to no end but I don’t know what a good starting point is ever. I feel like I should just send all my IRLS my long reflection essays next time they wanna know what's up. All the secrets to why I am the way I am are in there.

I’m scared of telling people how I feel about anything. IRL when I say something I often speak quietly, moreso like I’m only talking to myself. People often don’t hear what I had to say. And I don’t repeat myself. If it was something someone didn’t hear, in my head, that means that it wasn’t important enough to repeat. I’m afraid of talking and being misunderstood and never being able to be interpreted the way I mean. I want to convey all my thoughts correctly the first time. So i don’t repeat myself, not bc I’m mad at the person who didn’t hear me. It’s not about them, it’s about me. I don’t believe my words to be worth repeating. I don’t want anyone to stop the conversation for me. Just keep going, it won’t come out the right way anyways. I was taking a uquiz a week or so ago and one question was “what power do you want” and one option was smth like the power of comprehension. Which would make it so every time you spoke, that person would understand you the way you intended. That is the most ideal power for me to ever possess like it was unreal. I’m still thinking about that quiz. It was good.

I know that I’m worth being listened to and that my words are valuable enough to be heard but I don’t want to do that. I’d rather listen. I only like talking when it’s safe like it is here. I’m trying my best to get better though. I keep saying that I want to be a proper adult. I want to live right and without regrets and i really think communication is key to that. I’m trying. It’s hard but I’m trying. But still, I can only talk here a lot.  I can’t talk any other way. I don’t tell my friends about my interests, it embarasses me to no end. 

Being on here is comforting though. When I talk about stuff like this, I always see a lot more people than usual like my post. I feel like you can all relate. Really, people are more similar than not. We all have very similar burdens and pains and baggage. It’s comforting, I'm not alone. My words might be able to help someone. Because when all of you talk about the same things, i also feel seen and comforted and since we are so similar, then the same is true for the things I say.

But anyways, I did a lot of listening tonight, and it reflects the sentiment above. People are the same. I was listening to my friend’s friend talking about her mom earlier and the entire time, I really resonated with what she was saying. I got it. Her mom’s situation was really similar to my own mom’s situation in the past. And I was just amazed at how I barely knew this girl but I felt really similar to her. I saw her differently after learning all that. It was really a great thing. ANd on the way home, my friend was telling me about her life recently and some things andi really understand what she was going through. I didn’t say anything, because again, I don't like to interrupt. And when I try and be like ‘oh me too, it's the same for me too” I feel like I’m derailing. I know I’m not but I really think she needed to say her piece. So I let her. But the entire time, I thought about the things in my life that were the same as what she was feeling and it was beautiful. Life and human bonds are beautiful. Even when they are hard and messy and annoying, people all want the same things. They want to be loved and seen and understood. And in those moments when we feel seen, it’s worth more than any of those complicated feelings that come along with it. Not to be cheesy but wow… in order to reap the rewards of being loved, you really do need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. I was glad I didn’t stay home watching a drama. I was glad that I went out. No matter how alienated I feel from others, there’s still merit in being around other people. No matter how much others may misunderstand you and annoy you, they are almost always worth more than being alone. That;s because deep down, we’re all the same.

I’m not good at reminding myself that. As I said here, I don’t let people see me. I don’t let people in, I’d rather keep them out. I’m a picky, boring person. I don’t like people easily and I don’t tell them much. I stay inside my own head and I don’t like to come out. I was raised that way. But people are worth it. Communication is worth it, no matter how hard. It’s all worth it. I need to try harder so I can be a person who is able to see and enjoy more beauty in this world. I spent my hr long drive home listening to music and ruminating on these thoughts, trying to plan out all the words I wanted to say here. I don’t think I said any of it right. I’m not satisfied with how I write nowadays. But writing, talking, conveying emotions, all of these things are worth doing. So no matter how crooked and awkward it comes out, I will keep doing it. It is my goal. 

[gg-astrology]

When are you gonna finish the seventeen series? 😩

I love them too ;v; I have 3 more to do right?? ❤️💕 I’ll probably try to finish them around their birthday, as a bday contribution maybe? ❤️💕 

But here’s some updates: I’m still waiting for an actual source, but anon dropped by and said someone at a fansign might’ve asked hoshi about his birthtime. He allegedly said it may be around 7-9am, so i’ve looked up the charts for 7,8 and 9am for personal interests

(Again, this is alleged, it’ll be irresponsible of me on a public platform to give too much credibility when it’s unsourced and I don’t have any solid proof, plus I can’t hold any of the informant accountable on whether the information is reliable or just misinformation. So please, as a fan of the group with an interest in astrology, take it with a grain of salt and with advised self-discretion!)   

[i’ll add a readmore if you’re interest in the 7-9am unsourced time mini add-on ⬇️]

🚫long post, longer than expected ;; 🚫⚠️Please read the part at the end!!⚠️

9am is leo at 11′ !! 

Third reminder, again, this remains unsourced and I’m reluctant to put too much weight on it? But i thought it would be interesting because the main part I want to share is that if he was born anytime during 7-8am – he would have a cancer asc ;; Again, we don’t know this in certain terms, with rating guidance on how accurate it is - because even people’s memories can get things like their birthtime mixed up. Whether they are early morning born or late night, sometimes it gets confusing for people too! And also, this is unsourced. So please!! Take with a grain of salt!!

This is what anon said by the way, which is as of right now - my only material I’m going off of so far (sorry for sounding so suspicious anon, I sincerely don’t mean it that way ;;) :

It’s on my page, here’s the link to the ask sent. 

Now, onwards ! 

The 7am one has sun/venus in 12th (hopeless romantic, self-limitations, conditions lives are born into, seclusions, self-deception/destructiveness etc.) but moon/mercury/mars in 11th also implies plenty of gifts and abilities, takes time to manifest his dreams/goals/long-term achievements. Versatile style, lots of things to show in terms of activities/what the self can do, personal values as well. 

I’d interpret this as having expectations, dreams, goals. The moon, mercury and mars is where their confidence lies - within their ability proven to manifest and earn them something. However, there’s also an area (sun, venus) where expectations are not met due to limitations or personal weakness. It may cause confusion, because on one hand they can achieve a lot of things - on the other hand, they don’t understand why they can’t achieve ‘anything’ or a lot of things they want. 

Self-fulfillment for 12th house native can be hard, especially if we’re going to be using whole-signs house system, then the Gemini placements would all fall neatly into the 12th - and that creates a character that deals with the internal self, struggles with that and learning how to grow/help out of it as well. 

Sometimes it’s a re-occuring pattern of seclusion and isolation that we don’t realize we do until we’re in a situation where we have to deal with said problem head on, especially when something bad happens. Imprinted and they have to re-process how to work out of it and break certain habits. 

Remember that the 6th and 12th are usually ailments, but the 6th house is usually seen (i.e. over-working, fatigue, physical) whilst the 12th being right by the ascendant - if we’re going to explain it in relation to the ruler - makes natives blind to these ailments sometimes or take it as their natural ‘condition’. 

Moodiness may be common especially because gemini is ruling said house, with a lot of strong energetic planets (personal) and the native may soundboard after they resolve their issues to others in order to grow from it/out of it without anyone else realizing they have these thoughts/problems in the first place (i.e. taking people by surprise when the time comes, because they may seclude these parts of themselves in order to work it out, before talking/admitting it to anyone else afterwards as a form of self-protection) 

One good thing to look at this is that the 12th house gemini native may be able to solve other people’s problem alot of the time, especially those who may have problems articulating what it is they’re bothered by or communicating it to others. The gemini 12th house native are spectacularly great at communicating/connecting the self with others (the self being the other person’s selves) to help sooth this and bring it to light. If given the opportunity like he does, in a group, business and personal setting like this (trainee years up to having an actual career tends to build personal bonds with people you surround yourself with). 

However, for the native themselves, they may take time to get to this point where they don’t feel uncomfortable ‘exposing’ parts of themselves too much as well.

Aries saturn in 9th (8am) or 10th house (7am) with an aries mc - a doer, capabilities are great, evokes confidence in others by being themselves. Requires praising and fighting for/reciprocation sometimes. Self-improvements. Doing better and better, self-motivated. 

Overcoming adversaries usually, especially through praises, giving and receiving, reactions and responses helps (aries mc, gemini mars in 11th or 12th house depending on house system, usually we’d consider traditional house rulership so whole sign is usually 12th). 

Coming from within to outwards in terms of conviction and believing in something. Not really blind faith, but a belief in the fundamentals/logic of said person and of the circumstances itself (sometimes, it’s trustworthiness, credibility and loyalty - Capricorn Jupiter, 7th)

Mercurial (gemini stellium) - so always/constantly learning and figuring out their style/tastes, having strong ‘knows’ of what they like/excel in and what they’re drained/completely suck at. Can come across as comical, but because of that cancer asc (gemini moon, gemini mercury) can also be sensitive to criticism, especially social/public recognition (if it’ll affect them publicly) as well. 

Sagittarius ruling 6th with a Sag pluto - watch for ailments and physical injuries due to wanting to do too much, too soon, especially overseas and thus, over-exerting self to get it done without prior set-up/regulations regarding it. This is opposition Gemini mercury in 11th - so whilst the person can talk the talk, make sure they don’t push themselves/force themselves to walk the walk when they can’t do it. Small bad habits like constantly changing styles, ideas, talks, etc. can come back and bite their Gemini Mercury/11th in the ass if they aren’t careful with doing things out of impulse or unnecessary needs (aka certain thoughts/thinking they think are right but haven’t learnt why it’s wrong yet)

I want to mention the 11th house because if we’re using placidus house system - his gemini placements for the 8am one would mostly fall here (instead of the 12th house, which if we’re using whole signs for the 8am his gemini would also fall neatly in the 12th - I thought it’ll be interesting to include both sets, 12th as talked about earlier and the 11th here now)

Depending on the house you use, the 12th house has a completely different context than the 11th as you can see! But the thing here is that - even though we wish for the idol to be in good and to always be happy - if he does have placements (using placidus) that falls into 11th house - the 12th house is ruled by gemini (he has no interception) and thus, his domicile gemini mercury in 11th would still be there again.

This may imply that he does think - if possibly, talk about the issues in the 12th. There’s a difference between having planets in said house, and having the planetary ruler of said house in a lucky house. In this case, it’s good if he has planets in 11th - because that’s usually bringing out the dark into light, the challenges into overcoming them, the hardship into praises and good fortune. 

Did you know the 11th house can symbolize gifts and trust? Friends/allies, social recognition, triumph against hardship/adversaries. Doesn’t mean there isn’t any - just means they can overcome them and bring good light/recognition from their actions/praises socially. 

Natives with 11th house stellium can sometimes feel like they don’t have much luck/what the archetype describes - that’s also because the 11th house stel natives may need to think about the overall condition and the longevity of their hopes/dreams, goals and desire. How much work they put into the world is as much as they get back. 

It’s an exchange, so we might want to think of this as a fairness, of equal exchange and of putting in the work to give and thus to receive back. They can be a dumbass sometimes, especially when it’s supposedly the ‘teacher’ but even the teacher has to be taught. 

His gemini placements (mercury and mars) are opposition to sag pluto at near exact degrees. The native may be consistently changing or evaluating things and redeeming themselves, as both as mutable in opposition - the native may remain humble as the student (gemini personal placements) being taught their place by the changes that comes with new ideas taught to them by circumstances/others (sagittarius pluto as the teacher, capricorn jupiter as the authority training/teaching them - aries saturn, maybe a problem with ‘selfishness’ or not taking advice sometimes, knowing what’s best for themselves, setting out to do projects/things and are capable of being very independent and hot-heated sometimes - but also alot of personal luck with that capricorn jupiter and cancer asc - stubbornness, but also kindness to others if that capricorn jupiter falls into the 7th - more like, strict kindness but very deep-rooted and stable, trusting and secure, for the ‘better’.)

One thing we haven’t talked much about yet, but would be nice to touch on is the signification of his Capricorn Jupiter?

 If we use whole signs it would fall into his 7th - having a Jupiter in 7th implies a person who’s usually willing to learn more about others, expand their vision and also guide others when they need it (become a pillar of support, security for others due to attachment/trust in their companionship - capricorn in jupiter). 

The team defining (who they are with other people, i.e. sub-units, pairings, etc.) is a part of their identity. I know we talk about the 1st house being personal identity, but self-identity and self-expansion is also important and invigorating to a person’s growth. Soonyoung having his Capricorn Jupiter (possibly) being is significant, here because this talks about how genuine his affection and enthuist about other people are.

It’s sincere, and it’s from a genuine place of learning and receiving from others. He watches out for others (Capricorn, Saturnian, guardianship) but he also relies on them for guidance as well (note: see how he relies on the 96 team but also takes care of them, thats not just possible Cancer asc talking - that is a combination of Capricorn Jupiter being possibly in 7th as well) 

Home is how you define it - and relationships can be strong with love, even if it’s platonic/friendship with others. There’s significance in looking at how his Gemini/Mercury placements (11th - friends, allies, gifts/talent) interact with that Sagittarius Pluto (6th - working, employee, responsibilities) - and thus his Capricorn Jupiter, which coincidentally falls in an angular house as well (7th - partners, associates, partnerships.) 

Do you kinda see what I’m trying to say? It’s all interconnected, how sincere it all is and how important using these talents/valuing friendship and partnership is to him. Not just personally, but for the sake of others as well. If he really is a Cancer ascendant, this is important, to take care and be responsible of his tasks, help others when he can. But also to be taken care of and acted/praised with respect for his personal efforts. 

We joke around about Hoshi being playful a lot of the time!! And that may be well and dandy, but he’s also a very comforting and calming person as well. And it’s about time we acknowledge that too maybe ;;

I’ve talked alot about his 7-8am - but what if it’s closer to 8-9am?? I think most people might find him being a leo ascendant more believable, considering his staggering stage presence and love for performance itself!!

If he is a leo ascendant instead - most likely his placements would then fall neatly into the 11th house (Cancer would instead rule his 12th) - he’d have a Taurus MC, and a Scorpio IC. A chill, dorky and stable figure. Someone who seems to bring what we talked about earlier (in the section about 11th house above) to lives around him. 

Not just this, but his Sagittarius would be in 5th, which talks about versatility in interests, hobbies, entertainment and creativity. Virgo in 2nd, talks about self-esteem, linking back to Gemini Mercury in 11th. Perfectionist tendency with themselves to improve their values and confidence, their personal taste, material possessions (possibly fashion choices). All of the energy would be channeled into doing the best - demonstrating and performing the best as possible, it’s all in one coin. But he’s confident in it. Receiving recognition and praise may come second to self-expression, but it’s still something that will support his confidence/self going forward as well. 

Sun in 11th as well as Leo ASC ruling the chart is a nice touch, especially since he’s in the business of constant exposure and being able to interact, receive or affectionately give back/gain from others as well. Gemini may have moodiness that makes them hide-away, but it’s also easily turned out when they’re in the zone of comfort/receiving compliments from others in an easy-going interaction (going with the flow used to turn their moods around). 

Not much to say, but I hope this is long and detailed enough to feel satisfied with reading! 

Again, I feel like I should emphasize even more after doing an add on like this that the time I was given by anon is still unsourced. And thus, it’s speculated birthtime at this point, alleged. And unconfirmed. 

I can’t in good conscious add onto headcannon birthtime speculations unless I actually have someone, held accountable for the information or misinformation, with their credibility and source checked a second time. 

Especially on a public social media platform - where misinformation can spread easily and taken out of hands into being ‘factual’ and rabid within a fan space. I’m trying to be as careful as I can on how to do this, but I know I can slip up and this - I’m wary - may be one of the times I ‘slip up’ because I can’t control how much or how little someone will take this and run with it/make with it as they can. 

I hope that this analysis - instead of being focused on hoshi - is more about having him as an example for those who has interest in astrology or may have similar placements to him and wanted to know more, to get to know themselves and see themselves as special and close to their favourite idols as well.

I hope this comes across as me talking more about placements similar to his, and giving information that could be used personally by the person (any readers) to understand and gift themselves with, rather than spreading false speculations about idols in this space

 That’s the narrative I’m going for, so I’m hoping it translates ;; In other news, I hope those that read this and feel like it hits close to home, but didn’t have much interest in Hoshi before - look more into him themselves and gain an interest in observing him and becoming a fan as well. I hope it goes both ways, and brings good alliances with people instead of tearing public careers and personal lives of idols down. 

Anyways, thats all I have! I hope I’ve fed you a little - even though you probably meant and may be interested in the other members I haven’t written for yet ;; hehe

[evesbeve]

It’s YOUR art!

So I’ve had this cork board in my room since forever, and no matter how many times I rearrange it, I NEVER end up with something that I like.

But yesterday that changed! I decided to use it to pin all the wonderful art you guys have made for me, whether it was a gift or a commission! So without any further ado, here it is!

Credits and extras under the cut!

Top Row (horizontally)

Me, Ali (@clumsinessinperson) and Ver (@xxwhisperapplexx) by Ali 

I mean, this isn’t exactly for me, but I love you guys and I needed a pic of us up there ;w; next time we’ll add hollie and bri too bc we need the whole squad

Christmas gift by @dahrissy

OKAY BUT THIS IS AWESOME BECAUSE IT’S AN ACTUAL DRAWING THAT CAME IN THE MAIL AND?? UM?? I LOVE IT, IT’S ADORABLE ;W; ILY RISSU, I WANNA HUG BOTH YOU AND @bananabrianna77, YOU’RE MY FAVE HUMANS

Fanart of my fic boundaries mean nothing by @we-never-stop-fighting

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE’S EVER DRAWN SOMETHING OUT OF A FIC OF MINE? I pinned it on top of the cork board because I wanna look at it every time I write and get encouraged to continue! It means so much to me ;w; Also it’s Ben, and he’s one of my fave characters of all time so!! Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I literally cannot express how much it means to me!

Second Row

Clumsy and my OC Dam by Ali

THIS DRAWING IS LOWKEY THE REASON WE BECAME FRIENDS AND ILY? It means SO much to me, you don’t understand!!

Freddie the Corgi by @sarcasticscribbles

Not really a gift (it was a request though) but it’s Freddie and I love him so much!! He’s there to make me smile ;w;

Me and Ver by mE

This is the only thing on this cork board that’s actually drawn by me, because it’s simply iconic-

Birthday gift by @diamantdrache

AAAAA?? I love this one to death?? A shirt that says “Cole from Ninjago is GAY!” what more can I ask for? I love you?

Cora by @nerdwaifuu

Also a birthday gift! I can’t believe we’ve known each other for sO LONG? Like holy crap Bella, you’re one of the only people in the Ninjago people I’ve known since the Wattpad days (you and Lindsey, that is) and just!! I love you!!

Remaining drawings at the left

Revali by @dyradoodles

This was a gift for my birthday in 2018, and I love it so much ;w; Revali is still one of my top fave characters, and it warms my heart still!!

My profile pic by @itsaduckblrr

Okay, this is the only one I can 100% call iconic. I can’t believe it’s been more than a year since you made this? ‘Cause like? It’s such a long time, holy crap 0-0 It’s one of my favourites up there, for obvious reasons, aND I STILL DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE MY MONEY, I LOVE YOU

More Cora by @sweet-mymble

This is under arrest for being way too adorable, it has stolen my heart ;w; ily

Dam and frens!!! by @loud-quiet-and-fragile

This!! Is!! Adorable!! I love how you drew our characters together, they’d be great frens!!

Remaining drawings at the right

Me and Dam by @kara-is-so-ninja

Kara: I don’t have enough time to make you a bday gift, but happy bday!

Also Kara: hEY SO I MADE THIS WONDERFUL THING

dUUUDE THIS IS LITERALLY SO ADORABLE, I had to put it there. Also you’re awesome and ily and I wanted your art on my board ‘cause you’re amazing ;w;

Me by @donnapaella

THIS IS SO OLD?? AT LEAST TWO YEARS HAVE PASSED?? HOLY MOLY?? I remember sitting at the exact spot I’m sitting at right now and you sending me this and me going “!!!!!!!!!!! :O WHA?” I ADORE it. It’s just the best thing ever, and it makes me feel special every time I look at it, ily dude ;w;

Some good ol’ Pixane by @nightlybirdie

I mean, there was no way I wouldn’t put something about these two up there, but this was also a birthday gift and it’s just sO CUTE, and it makes me SCREAM! It’s the best bday gift ever, tysm Nightly ;w;

Dam and Revali by @esmiden

This was also for my bday in 2018 and AAAAAAAAA IT’S ADORABLE?? This is another one of these drawings that warms my heart, thank you so much Esmi!!

Mystery Drawing by Storm

I didn’t want to post a picture of this on tumblr because I don’t have a way to credit Storm through tumblr anymore (I only have their Discord and that’s private information) but it’s a drawing of me as a Hylian and Revali and it’s the most beautiful thing ever ;w;

The second big drawing on this board

Mikey, Donnie and Freddie commission by @sarcasticscribbles

THIS TAKES THE TEA, it’s one of my favourites up here (thus why it’s so huge), the reason we became friends, and also it’s beautiful, I LOVE IT AND I LOVE YOU!

Extras

The cutouts by Ali

They’re all made by Ali. All of them. No exceptions. That brings the total of Ali drawings to 5. Thank you for your contribution to my room, fren.

The polaroids

The one at the bottom left corner are some pictures of me, @totallyevan and our Dad. We look... Interesting, to say the least XD

The other one, (second row, last pin) is of me and my best friend. We tried to take a polaroid selfie. I still can’t decide whether it worked or not.

Fortune Cookie Fortune

That tiny piece of paper under Candaru’s drawing is actually a fortune from a fortune cookie!! It says “Everybody loves you.” and I found it very encouraging ^^

Undertale Pin

(right bottom corner of the TMNT drawing)

OKAY BUT I WANT MORE PINS, and this one is from Undertale!! It’s a sleeping annoying dog, ‘cause Toby Fox owns me,,,

That One Random Red String

YOU KNOW HOW THEY HAVE THESE IN CRIME STORIES WHEN THEY TRY TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY? Well, it means absolutely nothing here, but I figured it looked cool and it was lying around my room!

A Conclusion™

So, obviously I’ve saved some space for future drawings, and I’m planning on putting some drawings at the sides of my workplace as well (you can’t really see it but it’s there) but I just wanted to say THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

I could have never imagined how much support I’d get by posting my content here, but you guys surprised me anyway.

This blog (and my presence in social media in general) was made to share my work with the world, but most importantly, to spread positivity.

I’ve never asked for anything in return, yet you guys have given me so much.

And especially if we’re friends (because the majority of these are from friends!!), thank you so much for being here!! Some of these are the REASON we became friends, and I LOVE YOU.

It would be impossible to pin every single doodle, so if your art wasn’t up here, don’t take it personally! These were just some that have some story behind them, but I appreciate every single piece of art I am sent.

And not just art!! Your guys’ comments and support is more than enough for me. So for the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I’m trying to improve the environment I live in, and you guys are helping me so much with all your kind gestures. I don’t know how I could ever repay you, but I thank you for the bottom of my heart <3

[jennymay]

demis bday<33

it was demis bday on wednesday. i really wanted to make her feel special. i planned for us to go out and have all this fun and it was ruined. i like when shes happy it makes me happy, so technically its selfish. but so what. her happiness helps us both. i think the weekend wasnt as great as i wanted and i felt really guilty about it. she says she doesnt care and i didnt ruin it though i disagree. its annoying to keep apologizing though. i sometimes think demi doesnt like me sometimes but i know she does love me. its super confusing but years and years later, im realising i think demi has this affect on everyone.

she would disagree of course but she has no sense of who she really is. shes gorgeous, and thinks shes not. i used to be stunned to hear her say that. it shocked me. id find myself telling people "did you know demi doesnt believe shes beautiful?" and they respond the same way or they roll their eyes. because shes clearly very beautiful. and her personality is great. shes funny and smart and actually knows how to hold a conversation surprisingly enough. people are just smitten with her. as they should be, and i see why.

shed be a great character for a film for a book. unforgettable fan favourite. it feels nice to write nice things about demi without her being able to interrupt me and tell me im wrong. i do love her and so grateful she exists. we have a special friendship. though one day i think it will have to expire. i think there are too many things demi dislikes in life, that i contribute to. but i think she puts up with me because we've been friends for years. we put effort into this friendship. she put effort in. i worry that one day shes gonna realise its not worth it. shes only with me because of the time weve spent together.

if she were to have spent all these years with anyone else, would she still want my friendship? to me it seems doubtful but i have to believe she does love me. im not silly enough to believe she'd spend this much time with me if she disliked me for this long. im not that crazy or delusional... hopefully.

when i think of her i get happy but also get this insane amount of worry. it feels like a timers going out. not sure. but i do love her.

[vio1315]

Kreig Cecilia and Kusuma

Full Name: Kreig of [snowland country name]Gender and Sexuality: Male, straight (potentially asexual but idk if I’ll ever make that canon)Ethnicity/Species: Human with about 10% harpy blood

Birthplace and Birthdate: In the country I’ve been calling snowland on here. The dating of this place means it’d be like 82X of the fourth era or some crap, so I'mma say he’s like in his 40s or soHaven’t figured out the calendar system beond the years yet though, so I super dunno month/day (not even an equivalent) Fall or winter bday feels okay… maybe even spring….

Guilty Pleasures: Judging people with friends. Like can you envision a bunch of dads with beers talking crap about foreign policy makers or something? Yeah that’s kinda his thing. He sees nothing wrong with it though

Phobias: Oh dude. He’s so tough… hm, I bet he’s like one of those people who couldn’t handle being made useless in some way. If he knew he was losing brain functionality and was gonna end up in a vegetative state, I think he’d ask his son or someone similar to kill him. Probably his wife actually. He trusts her to do it, and do it when the time is right for it

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s a king, so like…. okay but more specifically he’ll be remembered as a very strong leader. Like in 500 years he’ll still be taught about. He has navigated wars and foreign relations with unparalleled skill, and he’ll certainly get credit in finally securing the alliance with [mainland]

What They Would Get Arrested For: Lol, in modern times? Maybe like some visits from CPS, but nothing would come of that. Maybe assault, if I HAD to pick. But I’ll be honest, dude’s goal in life is to be as legalistic as possible, so it’s tough

OC You Ship Them With: I honestly don’t. He’s married to Heiwa, and they kind of hate each other a little, but also respect each other and similar, and I very much enjoy the weirdness that is their relationship. Ship though? No.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hmmm… I mean I can think of some villain OCs, but honestly that’s it. As much as Skye and Marth dislike him, they would never hurt him. Not intentionally. I think when they were first married, it could have been Heiwa, but no longer.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Documentaries, biographies, non fiction type stuff. He’s more likely to go for stuff he can learn practical things from though. Strategies and stuff. He’s a workaholic.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Romance probably annoys him on some level. But anything where the leader character sacrifices themselves for an underling would enrage him. “It’s bad leadership”

Talents and/or Powers: Dude is great with strategy and combat. He’s smart/cunning despite his drawbacks.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He does what’s necessary and doesn’t let Anything distract him from serving his people. He doesn’t shy away from self sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good, and he falls under the ‘a jerk, but he’s right’ very often

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s a jerk. His methods often don’t achieve the ends he believes they will, especially in his personal relationships. He’s far too harsh and legalistic, even going beyond what’s necessary

How They Change: Kreig is not a man who changes Much. His biggest change is in the slow shift of how he views his son. As someone who’s worth existing. The fact that this strongly correlates to him physically getting stronger is something of a shame, because really, that’s the smallest portion of what contributes. Though in his own way, he always did care for his son, it just has never and will never be more important than their country.

Why You Love Them: What can I say? He’s got the internal strength of a bear. Dude could saw off his own legs for the sake of his country. There’s something to respect there, especially given he’s not even crazy or anything like most such characters.

Full Name: Cecilia… Ward? (Still deciding last name honestly)Gender and Sexuality: Female, straightEthnicity/Species: Based off an Amazon woman. Dark skinned.Birthplace and Birthdate: In the desert east of mainland, their great enemies. Birthdate is not hugely important. Not even a spoiler to say she’s dead honestly. When she died? Maybe around 27??

Guilty Pleasures: Mm, showing people up probably. Proving someone wrong, that kind of thing. It’s not about being right so much as pulling the rug from under people. This isn’t majorly apparent in her personality, she’s just got a slight chip on her shoulder

Phobias: Word of her wherabouts being sent back home

What They Would Be Famous For: Sadly enough? The fact that she married and had a child with someone of a certain race who is very hated among her people

What They Would Get Arrested For: That marriage if she ever went back to her country, honestly. But by todays standards? Well, could see her getting into a fight and accidentally going a tad too far, even if it was initially self defense. Whoops. But honestly she’s actually very well restrained, but that’s a lot to do with that she moved to a country where people are Extremely racist against her, and she kind of has no choice but to deal

OC You Ship Them With: Leo

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hmm, of the good guys… uhh? Honestly if she was alive she’d be pretty well liked among those who didn’t care about her race. Which by the time of the story is a lot more people than when she was aroundBut one of the bad guys actually is her murderer so l o lYou know, once upon a time the most likely would have been Dalton (Marth’s dad) honestly?? He’s actuually the least racist dude in general, but man that war was sommething

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Maan, she’d probably enjoy stupid spectacle movies just fine, but in books go for pretty phlisophical stuff. Like if something was 100% allegory and got mildly, but underhandedly preachy? She’d love that actually.But mostly she would enjoy realistic fiction I think, especially involving humble characters or similar.Without realizing it she’d def have her favs be farmer characters who loved their animals type of vibe. You know the vibe.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Hmm… Love triangles, and probably when the strawman comes and pesters the Innocents and so they just gotta beat up the strawman. No other choice

Talents and/or Powers: Has extra strength due to her race. Has some pretty alright skills with a sword, and basic magic knowledge.

Why Someone Might Love Them: Girl takes about as little crap as you can in her situation. She’s fairly prideful but really sticks to what she believes in, even when it hurts her pride. Even when it leads to her living in a foreign country where she’s hated

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Prideful. At the start, her pride and chip on her shoulder nature can especially override her kind nature.

How They Change: Becomes a lot more empathetic and undertsanding. Doesn’t get very caught up in her own life and is able to see people a bit more accurately. Overcomes some of her own racism. Becomes a lot stronger in a more real way which is less defensive.

Why You Love Them: She’s a very prequel kind of character, but I appreciate that she’s a fairly simple and straightforward person. Like she’s not dumb, she just sees no use in complicating things. Though she sees things a bit skewed and biased at times, she learns and grows and will admit to when she’s wrong. But she’ll stand by when she’s right even when she’s the literal only one who is

Full Name: Kusuma RitterGender and Sexuality: Female, straightEthnicity/Species: Also that amazon based race, dark skinned (you know how to pick em)Birthplace and Birthdate: In mainland. Due to the nature of post story, it encompasses a lot of ages. But basically she’s introduced when she’s 12

Guilty Pleasures: Roughhousing, showing how fantastically awesome she is to everyone, or even just one person

Phobias: People breaking into the house

What They Would Be Famous For: Coolest kid on your block. When she’s older? Maybe coolest guard in the district

What They Would Get Arrested For: Assault lol. Resisting arrest would be tacked on

OC You Ship Them With: None, also due to the nature of post story. Honestly if I did ship her, it’d probs end up being with Soren, but they’re like adoptive siblings, so I try to just let them be siblings (it’s better that way)

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Soren lol, at least when they first meet. Racism isn’t fixed yet me boyos.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Action. No doubt. Bring on the one liners.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Hmm… honestly romance sub plots in general. She hates when cool action stuff has to come to a halt to develop (or more likely fail to develop, but still force awkward scenes) a relationship.She doesn’t hate romance per se, just in these moments especially

Talents and/or Powers: Bonus strength, decent with sword (as much as a 12 year old can be)

Why Someone Might Love Them: Honestly she’s just a cool 12 year old. Half of what sh says and does wouldn’t be out of place with sunglasses. But she’s also a protective older sister. Catch her using her free time to help with baby care

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s a bit obnoxious at times. A bit self important and cocky. It can be a bit clear to older peeps that she’s hiding some insecurities. She can hold a grudge and be Too blunt at times, lashing out in frustration when she has to deal with Soren at first (racism right back ya heck)

How They Change: Forgets any of those racist ideas she had, because Soren’s a weirdo, but he’s not evil. Becomes a bit more secure, so her defensive bluntness goes down, though her sarcasm goes way up. Her empathy and general love of people increases, though she also just develops better EQ in general. She can sense when people are eying her funny or talking behind her back, though she never lets it get to her. Honestly she just becomes the picture of confidence. Kinda Flynn Rider acting?? But legit.Why You Love Them: She’s pretty mature for her age despite it all. She steps up when things need doing without hesitation, but all while maintaining her attitude. Despite what happened to her, she never seems super traumatized or any such thing. It’s a bit hidden, but a lot just comes from how she deals with things too. She tends to work through her problems in an actually healthy way without tons of guiddance, though she ends up really thriving with it. But honestly she’s just sassy without being too blind to where peoples lines are, so stops herself short of being annoying with it. A good girl

[fourteen-teacups]

Fangirl Asks

I was tagged by @simone020896 @eatapinkwafer @cooldoyouhaveaflag @my-little-yellowbird  Thanks for the tags, friends! Sorry for the delay in getting to these, here are my answers…

for @cooldoyouhaveaflag:

1.      If you’ve written fanfiction, do people in your real life read it? Would you want them to if they don’t’?

I’ve just started writing fanfic and have only written 2 ½ fics. No one in my RL has read them and I doubt they would appreciate them properly without the background of the show. But if they showed an interest in CtM and/or my writing I would want them too, but probably only the people who are closest to me.

2.      Are you usually active in your fandoms? If yes, how long before you join in?

CtM is my first fandom! I lurked for about 1 ½ years before joining. First it was because of the delay between CtM airing in the UK and the USA and not wanting to see any spoilers. Then it was because I was scared that I might say or do the wrong thing or that I wouldn’t have anything to contribute or that no one would be interested in any of my comments. I shouldn’t have worried…everyone in this fandom is generous, welcoming, helpful and friendly!

3.      What is your dream fic about your OTP?

One that never, ever ends! I love epic fics that savor the details of the daily life and love of Turnadette and family.

for @my-little-yellowbird

1.      How has fangirling made an impact on your life?

Fangirling online has introduced me to some wonderful people, several of whom already feel like they could be life-long friends; I hope so! Secondly (and this may sound weird) but fangirling over Turnadette has actually had a positive impact on the way I view my family and marriage. Paying attention to what I valued in their fictional life allowed me to focus on the similar things that were already there in my real life and also make an effort to cultivate those that weren’t as evident in my own world. In other words, Happy Turners=Happy Teacups!

2.      What makes fangirling most worthwhile to you?

The fan contributions here are incredible! Just being able to experience that has been amazing. My enjoyment of both the show and my OTP has grown exponentially because of the fandom content. Also, no one wants to hear me talk about CtM as much as the fandom does (or at all really)!

3.      What have you learned about yourself by being a part of a fandom?

It’s still early for me in the fandom, but I’m learning that I do have some creativity to contribute here! That came as a total surprise to me.

for @eatapinkwafer:

1.      What’s something you’d never thought you’d do but have because of a fandom?

I’ve made friends with people online…I’m always telling my kids that’s dangerous!

2.      If you could be in any TV show/movie which would it be and what role would you like to play?

Call the Midwife. I would have liked to have been one of the mums of the kids at Angela’s bday party in 7.8…except I’m too old; I could be one of Timothy’s friend’s mums, though…maybe his girlfriend’s mum in s8!

3.      Is there any storyline that has impacted you personally?

A few…Timothy’s polio, because I’ve had to endure one of my own children’s hospital stay; Shelagh/Sister B’s medical tests/surgery, because I’ve had more than my fair share of health issues; and on a lighter note anything with the Cubs, because I used to lead my son’s Cub Scout den.

4.      How would you describe your favorite show/movie to someone to convince them to watch it?

CtM: nuns, babies, handsome doctor…if that’s not enough, why am I friends with you again??? Would also add: beautiful stories, amazing attention to detail both in medical aspect and accuracy of time period, interesting look into midwifery and early NHS, endearing regular characters, the hope displayed in the wider community scenes.

5.      Have you convinced anyone to watch a favorite show/movie of yours and they got hooked?

Pre-CtM, I got my mom hooked on Downton Abbey. She has never gotten on board with CtM, though.

6.      Have you ever cancelled plans or left early in order to watch an episode of your favorite show or for a fandom thing?

I was pretty insistent about rushing home from church to catch s7 as it aired on BBC. And I may have been heard saying, “No one talk to me for the next hour!” as I ran from the car to my computer, eight weeks in row…

7.      How many fandoms have you been in and what are they?

CtM/Turnadette is my first fandom ever!

8.      What scene first got you hooked on your OTP?

I think it was when Sister B sewed the button on Dr T’s coat…

for @simone020896:

1.      If you could marry one CtM character, who would you choose?

For me there’s only one answer to this question: Patrick! But only in a parallel universe to one where he still gets to marry his Shelagh.

2.      What is your all-time favorite song/soundtrack from CtM?

Original music: In the Mirror

Pop song: Shangri-La by The Four Coins

Plainsong: Psalm 91

3.      If you had to choose between being Patrick’s new intern or working as a midwife at Nonnatus, what would you choose?

Definitely a Nonnatus midwife…I like the uniform, I think I’d be better suited to working in midwifery than general practice, and I’d probably still get to work with Patrick sometimes.

My questions: They are the same ones from my 11 Questions post

1.      How did you come to join your first online fandom?

2.      If your first fangirling obsession pre-dates access to fandoms, what was the show and/or your OTP?

3.      If your OTP came to visit you in your town (in present day) where would you take them?

4.      What three things do you have in common with your favorite character?

5.      What prop would you most like to have from your favorite show? (I borrowed this question from a behind the scenes CtM interview.)

6.      Same question but for an article of clothing.

7.      Where would you like to see your OTP go on vacation and why?

8.      Do you have a) multiple OTPs; or are you b) a one-OTP-at-a-time person?

9.      In question 8, if you answered a) list your top three OTPs; if you answered b) what was the OTP you dropped for your current one?

10.   If you lurked in your fandom before joining (or even if you didn’t), is there a fellow fan whom you consider “famous” in the fandom that makes you fangirl whenever they comment on your posts?

11.   Was there a particular person who was especially welcoming and/or helpful when you first joined your current fandom?

I tag: anyone who wants to do this! I’d love to read your answers!