#this is low effort but i need a promo for her so bad.

[thelastblack]

I am not a beginning. I am not an end. I am a link in a chain.

[annonniiiiieeeee]

Who do you think each character would be if they were Mario characters? From reading the story have to say Mario is definitely Usagi, and that man seems like the guy to travel eight worlds for Leo.

Okay this is one of the funniest asks I’ve had in a while.

I’m not sure if you want me to line them all up character for character or if we are making a Mario au.

I’m going to with the second option because obviously I need more aus.

This is also because I know the legend of Zelda franchise better than Mario but I’ll try my best.

This is also a hard core stream of consciousness and I’m sorry.

So I love the idea that Usagi is traveling 8 worlds to save Leo. But Mario has a partner in Luigi. I know normally it’s just princess peach that’s been captured but I love Daisy and Luigi.

We as a fandom have put Raph in princess peach’s dress one to many times for me to not give him the role.

But if Raph is peach then who is mario

Mona Lisa. Is Mario

This makes Leo Daisy (I know Rosalina is more his color scheme )

And Luigi is Usagi.

I love this because both Leo and Raph get taken and Usagi and mona team up to go find them.

Gen, Kitsune, and Chizu are characters at different levels/worlds that give aid to our hero’s

Mikey could also could be in this mix of missing turtle brothers. (The three princesses are pink, blue, and orange)

Donnie. Oh Donnie what to do with you. Given that the new movie promo has revealed that Luna (Rosalina’s star companion) is psychotic Donnie could fall into that roll. Stays close to his twin with unhinged behavior.

Could also be Hatty he joins the party to save his brothers and is the tech that helps Usagi and Mona Lisa succeed.

(If you want this to be really unhinged maybe Donnie just didn’t like Usagi and Mona Lisa and sent them on a wild goose chase. No one is actually kidnapped he just didn’t want them around for a bit)

I prefer the hatty option. I think it’s fun putting Donnie in the mix in the recuse team.

April could be Paulina character. Helpful in her plane but not outside.

Maybe add Casey and Cassie into it.

Yes six levels before the big bad.

Chizu has a forest level with ninja sneaking around

Gen is a ancient village. He has a bounty hunt that he needs help with

Kitsune is an old castle where you have to help her or stop her from robbing the lord.

April is in New York the big city level that has to be navigated. Maybe she needs help with a new story?

Cassie is in the underground. Either the hidden city or in the old foot clan tunnels. Your fighting the foot clan. Helping Cassie get some of her old stuff back.

Casey is the last level to the boss. We have to go back to the apocalyptic world and gather needed supplies. You have to get in and get out in time. Maybe the portal with time out and they will be stuck there. But Casey is your guide and your are navigating the Krang torn world.

Each level has you collecting something needed to find the brothers (maybe a metal pizza key or just something ridiculous)

Now who is the big bad. Who could ever kidnap the boys?

I have three otptions

The first two, I think the best option is either the Shredder or the Krang. I am partial to the Krang. Each level has a boss that is serving the Krang

Chizu’s level is the “ultimate ninja”

Gen’s level ? I’m still deciding

Kitsune level is Lord Hikiji (I love him as a villain)

New your level with April could be the foot brute

Cassie’s level boss is the foot lieutenant

Casey’s is sited Krang 

Final level is Krang Prime

The third option is the ultimate ninja is the bad guy.

That guy Ue in the 2003 tmnt. The Daimyo’s son

That guy was low key obsessed with Leo. (Yes it was because Leo defeated him and he was humiliated) but maybe he’s obsessed with Leo because he defeated the Krang. (Yes it was a team effort but so was the shredder’s defeat in 2003, he gave it to Leo because he delivered the final blow.)

He tried to capture all the brothers but only gets three of them prompting the rescue mission.

Chizu level boss is still a ninja maybe Kagemaru

Gen’s level is one of the battle nexus fighters from 2003 (Kluh the big purple fighter from 2003)

Kitsune boss is still Lord Hikiji

April is still Foot Brute

Cassie is still Foot Lieutenant

Casey is still sister Krang

The final level is where it changes. First they fight Ue thinking he is the main villain

Secret boss is Draco the mastermind of the whole thing.

I like this option best.

Let me know if you want more of this I think this is really fun.

But yes rescue team Usagi, Mona Lisa, and Donnie.

[dearweirdme]

so you genuinely believe that if tae wanted a beard he would pick/agree for it to be jennie out of all the idols he could've went with? jennie, whose fandom hates his guts and always the most vile shit about him and his grandma? the jennie whose guts armys hate and are almost always responsible for every viral hate video about her either calling her lazy or making fun of her dancing? i mean armys literally became even more hateful to her after the paris walk and her show.

he could've went with an idol or an actress that armys don't hate to avoid backlash and still had an effective beard.

and if he picked a popular idol with a big fan base so she has loyal ppl defending her from the hate then he failed miserably because armys are bigger than blinks and the hate towards jennie doubled bc of that mess of a show she did. and if the deal was for two-way promo and a beard then where is taehyung's promo? i don't think he needs promo from jennie's fandom at all and it's even disrespectful to think tae would try to use his own antis for promo when he already has armys behind him.

this whole notion of taennie being pr makes no sense bc it literally just seems like they both are dating their fandoms' rivals and didn't want their fans to know, then they were seen by a local, then a hacker leaked their pics and tried to forcibly out them, the matching accessories weren't something they did on purpose to try to signal that they're dating, they just did it. idols get linked by outfits all the time so they figured it's not that big of a deal and isn't an obvious declaration of anything. then they gave up since ppl knew already and walked in paris with no care to be lowkey, but the reactions were outrageous so they went back into hiding, removed the matching stuff etc. their fans' reactions (esp army) are what spooked them (esp tae) but overall it definitely doesn't look like a fake relationship

Hi anon!

Well, this is very star-crossed-lovers-romeo-and-juliet of you.

Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Seoul, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

While I can appreciate a bit of Shakespeare, this is not that, though I bet they love the plot. Tae and Jennie together is a pr manager’s dream. The whole thing basically takes care of itself. It’s cheap, it’s low maintenance, it costs very little actual effort and it will keep people talking for months… years possibly. See, it’s not necessarily about what fandom thinks about it. While it’s probably great they are getting this attention from everywhere, the aim is for both Tae and Jennie to enlarge their fanbases. They want more fans. Putting them together will mean some blinks become Tae fans and vice versa. A pairing of their combined fame though, most certainly also reaches audiences that hadn’t paid much attention to either BTS or BlackPink yet. But a food love story between the prince and princess of Kpop (are they?) will absolutely lure in new fans. And that is how it aids both Tae and Jennie. They have already concurred South Korea, there’s little left for them there.. this is for other audiences. They don’t need pr in Sk, they need it outside of SK. Tae’s album sales will definitely be influenced by this. So many Taennie’s who were only blinks before are going to buy his album, because they will link it to Jennie.

Tae did not choose Jennie for this. Their teams set this up and they only had to agree. Hate is a thing Jennie and Tae always have to deal with. This is just another thing to add. In business emotions don’t play a big part.

What I have been considering since this afternoon though, is that maybe.. maybe… very maybe.. Paris was some sort of test. Maybe they did see the backlash (and the bad critiques from The Idol) and they decided.. nope, not what we wanted out of this. Maybe they did decide against going through with it and that is why things seem.. stagnant?

What would a fake relationship look like according to you though. If you were to plan a fake relationship between two idols, and you had to make it look real.. while also adhering to Sk standards, how would you achieve that? How would you sett up a believable pr stunt. What clues would you leave, and how would you leave them?

[shining-magically]

so I’ve wondered this since the trailer came out years and years ago and Chloe defended the movie - was the red shoes teaser written by the same team that made the movie? were they forced to market it like that, was that based on an earlier draft, etc?? not sure if you know but you seem like the leading expert!

Sorry, this is gonna be an absolute novel because you know I’m an animation fan and the history and production of Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs is SO interesting and insane. Like, Tangled levels of insane. Thanks for calling me an expert, no one else was gonna do it so I just kind of took up the helm lol.

Here’s the low-down... The timeline of the movie’s production is an absolute mess and kind of an extremely wild ride. It was in production for ten years, went through a lot of different crew members, and went through at least two other major versions of the story before landing on the final version.

Since there’s not a ton of info on the movie’s production, a lot of this is pieced together from different interviews and context clues, and also a lot of what I’ve read and what I am quoting has been translated from Korean, sometimes pretty roughly. But yeah.

Here’s the story of why the Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs teasers and poster were so, so bad and fatshame-y and the actual movie was so, so good and body-positive. (With pictures and production artwork!)

(This is a beast of a post so I’m putting it under a cut.)

All right, so. After its conception originally as a short story by the South Korean studio Locus Creative in 2009-2010-ish, Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs was being worked on and was set to come out in Summer 2017, as evidenced by this poster at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival, featuring a different logo and very different character designs for most of the dwarfs.

In early-mid 2016, the first teaser (in which we see Snow White undress and then two dwarfs recoil in horror at her fatness when she takes her magic shoes off) was released, after the film had kind of been slowly chugging along for 6 or so years. (I am having such trouble pinpointing when the second teaser was released (in which one of the dwarfs basically attacks Snow while she is sleeping to steal her shoes), but I believe it was around the same time.) The teasers didn’t get that much traction because this was a small film from a small indie studio in South Korea.

None of the final actors had been cast yet. At this point in the production, the story was different, one of the many versions that the movie went through. As in the final movie, the dwarfs were actually cursed knights/princes and Snow White switched back and forth between two body types due to her magic shoes, but in this version, the dwarfs needed to steal the shoes from her in order to break their curse (rather than needing “a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the world” like in the final movie).

The weird thing is, I believe they had JUST changed the movie’s story when the teaser came out. I’m almost positive it was released more as a proof of concept than as an actual trailer for the movie. They had just recently combined two separate characters (seen above), a typical pretty, skinny princess character (Snow White) and a cute chubby girl character (’Bonnie’), into one single character that switches back and forth between the two appearances when she wears the magic shoes (also they had just dropped literally half of the movie taking place in the real world, with a magic mirror portal, it was a whole thing). 

They didn’t have the details of this aspect of the new story hammered out yet, and the first pass at presenting Snow’s magically changing body type, was, yeah, not good and super offensive. This was a really inexperienced indie studio making their first film on a low budget, so even the animation and voice acting wasn’t great. I think they just wanted to get SOMETHING out there because it had been 6 years and they wanted to have something to show for it.

But here’s the thing. Despite how the teasers make it seem, this was always supposed to be a movie about body positivity, letting go of appearance-based prejudices, and loving yourself and others for who you are and for who they are, which we see in the final film.

I like to think of our film as a kindhearted one. Our intentions are nice.

- Director Sung-ho Hong

It’s important to keep in mind that this movie was made in South Korea by a 99% Korean crew, and, as I understand it anyway, in Korean culture, ‘fatshaming’ is not really a thing that is seen as overtly offensive. Also, children’s media there seems to have more adult things in it than in the US, which probably accounts for the more risque parts of the teasers. That said, I really believe that at this point in the timeline, the movie was on-track to be bad (or at least not very good) when it was released, and it would have ended up bad IF a few key players hadn’t signed on (which I’ll get to in a moment).

Interestingly, the movie’s producer, Sujin Hwang, said in a 2017 interview:

“[Both teasers] were solely produced to induce curiosity. They’re completely irrelevant to the actual story.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

I think what she was trying to convey was that neither one is a scene in the actual movie, because while the teasers didn’t reflect the revamped story as it existed in summer 2017 (the time of the interview), they DID reflect the earlier version of the story where the dwarfs wanted her shoes, which is what the story was at the time they were made.

Now that we’re in post-teaser 2016, HERE’S where things start to turn around. After the teasers were released, my guy Disney veteran and native Korean Jin Kim joined the project. He and Red Shoes director Sung-ho Hong had been buddies for about eight years and Sung-ho had been trying to get Jin to come to Seoul and work with him at Locus for a long time, and he finally succeeded.

Jin and his twenty years of Disney experience as an animator and senior designer on films like Tangled, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Zootopia, and Moana, had a HUGE HUGE HUGE influence on the movie. He redesigned almost all the characters, oversaw all the visual development from the moment he signed on, and heavily (HEAVILY) supervised the animation, literally going frame-by-frame through preliminary animations and drawing over them, teaching the inexperienced animators at Locus everything he knew. (Literally almost everyone except him either only had TV experience or had no professional experience because they just gotten out of school.)

From an outsider’s perspective, it really seems as though Jin joining the project (and his gargantuan effort) made the quality SKYROCKET. Not just in character design and animation, but also in things like effects animation, story, etc. After he joined, Locus really started pushing HARD to make a good, high-quality movie, and his influence and experience from being a prominent figure at Disney was absolutely key. The studio also began to really study Disney films and other well-made animated films from other studios to really try and pinpoint what the DNA of a good animated movie really is.

I don’t have any solid evidence, but I’m pretty sure that Tony Bancroft (an animator and the co-director of Mulan) then joined the project because he’s good friends with Jin Kim. He is only credited as the voice director (the movie was recorded in English and the characters were animated to the English dialogue), but I am SURE that he probably also had a pretty big influence on the movie, because like... How could he not? I really really think there was more to his role than his title would have you believe, even though there’s almost no info out there about it.

So now the movie goes through a gigantic metamorphosis. Character designs, visual development, and animation quality are all rapidly improving, the story is tightening, and the themes of the movie (which, again, were always the same and intended to be positive) are being presented in a more sincere way. The movie is becoming the sweet, self-love-encouraging and body-positive movie that was eventually released.

I’m putting a gif from the credits of the final movie here. As we move into 2017, when the giant eruption of backlash occurred, please keep in mind that the story was finalized at this point and that THIS was the movie people were so mad about:

Chloe Grace Moretz accepted the role of Snow White immediately after she read the script and she recorded her lines (I think) in early-ish 2017. Her co-star Sam Claflin also immediately accepted the role of the romantic interest, Merlin, after reading the script and recorded his lines in (I believe) July 2017.

In the summer of 2017, the story and script were more or less the same as in the final movie. Promotional images from that time show that most of dwarfs had been completely redesigned by this point and didn’t have their teaser designs anymore.

They also released a few screenshots that look exactly like the final film. The movie was advertised as coming out in ‘2018′ at this point. Here’s a promo image from 2017 that is MUCH more tactfully worded than the infamous Cannes poster:

So now we’re in summer 2017. The Cannes Film Festival. The movie’s script and story have been basically nailed down, animation is underway, and the Korean film company Finecut is beginning to market and sell the movie to worldwide audiences. They are planning on showing some footage to potential buyers at the festival, and they make a poster to advertise the film there.

Unfortunately, it’s THIS POSTER:

Now here’s where there are some unknowns. By this point, the movie is basically in its final form, which is an adorable, body-positive story about loving people for who they are, loving yourself for who YOU are, and that provides commentary on society’s standards of beauty and how they affect how people are treated/viewed. So why this poster??? All I can really tell is that someone (I think Finecut) really, REALLY messed up and either horribly mistranslated the tagline, or didn’t do enough research to know that this kind of thing is REALLY NOT OKAY in western culture.

The above picture is shared and the internet backlash begins, fueled by tweets from prominent body-positivity activists like Tess Holliday. Even Chloe Grace Moretz speaks out against it, because she of all people KNOWS that that’s not what the movie is about. The internet then finds the old teasers from before the movie was revamped and it makes things worse. Producer Sujin Hwang profusely apologizes and says that that is NOT the message of the movie. Locus pulls the advertising campaign, and takes down the two old teasers.

“Our film, a family comedy, carries a message designed to challenge social prejudices related to standards of physical beauty in society by emphasizing the importance of inner beauty.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

Voice director Tony Bancroft also tried to explain the situation:

“The truth is the film has a body-positive message as its core theme–it’s the opposite of what reports are saying. The problem is one poorly translated movie poster that has been taken dramatically out of context.” 

- Voice Director Tony Bancroft

And then... There was nothing for a while. The movie didn’t come out in 2018 and was delayed. From what I can tell, I DON’T believe this delay was related to the Cannes backlash. I think it was mostly due to Locus’s limited budget and resources, because as we know, animation is difficult, time-consuming, expensive, and easy to do badly but hard to do well. Also, probably with Jin Kim and Tony Bancroft’s influence, they REALLY wanted to make sure to do a good job with the animation because they now had a great story and they really wanted the movie to be a quality, worldwide hit that would kind of put South Korean feature animation on the map. Just take a look at how nice the final animation was:

The movie was released in South Korea on July 25th, 2019. Unfortunately, the damage was done in the English-speaking markets and it was not released to an English-speaking audience until June 22, 2020, when it was released digitally in the UK. At the time of this post, there is no set US release date, but the distribution rights were recently bought by Lionsgate and the MPAA gave the film an official PG rating.

So who’s to blame? There’s no good answer. You could blame Locus for making those old teasers. You could blame Finecut for the competely tonedeaf Cannes poster. You could even blame cancel culture for raging against the movie based on one poster and two old teaser trailers without researching what the movie was actually about.

All I know is, it’s a damn shame.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. ok but thats also i think i dont get? because without the series or character names, what of any of the promo images or banner or anything else give away it's supposed to be a greek mythology story? they just look like people with weird anatomy who are colored like highlighters. at the very least some iconography should be on them, but there's not? like even percy jackson stuff makes sure to give him a trident and have water flowing around him.

2. rachel made three times where persephone could have made the choice to be with hades willingly and didnt do it each time. first time she was drugged and put into his car, where he phsyically handles her unconscious body and puts her in his bed (ew). second is her working for him, which was hera forcing it. third was her going to the underworld not because she wanted to, but because she was hiding from the law/apollo and he found her. where exactly is her agency in all of this?

3. LO seems like the fast food of webtoons. because there's no room to speculate or theorize, you just read an episode and move on, the bright colors distract that it's a rushed and lazy product over something with high quality and effort, the characters are flat and boring, and the plot has no substance. it's meant to be consumed in a rapid binge, because if not you realize what low-effort and what little you're actually getting from it when you slow down and actually think about it.

4. i mean rachel does have some logic to her fancasting, the problem is it seems the only people of color are either demonized for being hypersexual (aphrodite, eros until he's with psyche) or are literally r//pists who are out to harm her white-fa casted persephone (apollo), so yeah, there is logic there, it's just pointing to rachel being (hopefully unintentionally) racist

5. It pisses me so much that I work over time  (using references and looking at paintings and reading history for ideas for interesting character motifs) so that any of the ancient greek characters I draw look cool and authentically greek, and yet fucking Rachel Smythe, who can't even be bothered to do more than 5 seconds of research to learn that not all ancient greek outfits were shitty, minimalist off white and eggshell, gets to be revered as an artistic revolutionary. It pisses me off so. Fucking. Much. Not just for me, but for everyone else like me who absolutely ADORES greek mythology and wants to draw accurate portrayals of these characters! To whoever is reading this, stop. Stop rn and go read Sleep and His Brother Death (a comic on webtoons), go play Hades (the video game), go read The Song of Achilles (a book by Madeline Miller). Those are beautiful pieces of fiction about Greek mythology that deserve your attention more then Rachel and her shitty pink highlighter self inserts.

And a sidenote, I know that this is kinda like a modern AU for the gods. I am aware. Does not change that fact that anytime any character is drawn in ancient greek fashion it's always the SAME. SHITTY. CHITON. Maybe with a.cape or a scarf, but for the most part? It's just the same stupid, off white chiton.

6. oh, i thought you guys were joking persephone is now stuck with red eyes. is that seriously what look we're stuck with now? does rachel know it looks really ugly?

7. i feel like the lineart less style actually hurts LO in a way. way too often you can look at a panel and it becomes really murky where something starts and ends, and it looks even worse on a phone screen, because on an even smaller screen the images look even more compressed, making it even harder to tell stuff apart. this wouldnt be as bad if the comic took back up its more high contrast look from the begging, but now it's all one flat shade and im not sure why.

8. im really confused over the marketing of LO, tbh. like the ads are all hxp focused, but the series name implies its not about them, but focusing on the 12 olympians, but then the synopsis is general mythology and at the very end randomly mentions its about persephone? but then you read it and nots sure whether its a teen romance, a comedy, a serious drama, and can't stay straight with its messaging and timeline? and persephone is not there for a chunk of time. like whats actually going on?? 😭

9. Chapter 173 is like 50% filler. It gives more questions that answers, and not just from the reporters. Like the reporter stuff was mostly filler, and the Persphone and Hades stuff was like yeah we know dont need to drag this on.

My questions are WHAT ARE THE RED EYES? Is it when she’s mad? Horny? Sad? Happy? I feel like the red eyes just show up whenever RS wants to draw them

Flying? I feel like Persphone has always been flying like it wasn’t a bug moment at all. She flew home when Minthe and Hades kissed. But apperently Demeter didn’t know? I guess I don’t remember her flying in the mortal realm but her flying didn’t seem like a big moment, none of the other characters seemed surprised by it.

“Answer mine first!” When i got to that line I reread some of it just to find where the question was. That line normally matters when you’ve already asked the question not if you haven’t gotten there yet. Like of course Demeter is gonna be worried and ask a million questions.

I know the pomegranate pin is gonna be important but I felt the focus on it was a little too much, like an excuse not to cover more this chapter. Because honestly it felt like 5 minutes of the plot was covered in this chapter. 

10. So uh, whats up with Hades weird ass comments... Like "Persephone you look beautiful and if someone says otherwise they can go play on the highway" ???

Because Persephone looking good during a murder trial is clearly the most important thing here.

Also, Perse's response to the reporter who asked her about her friendship with Hades. I mean, on one hand Persephone is right, her "friendship" (or whatever it is they have going on) is nobodies business but her own - but at the same time, its kinda also the underworld denizens right to know in the sense that their future leadership could be affected so they might want to know whats going on if their getting a new co-ruler / Queen that they will be subjects of. They probably will want to know who Persephone is, should she and Hades get married because it's very likely that when (cause lets be real its a 'when' not 'if' they get married) they do get married that Persephone will inherit half the title.

So, eh?

[insomniziam]

Zigi PR Relationship Analysis

Firstly, I don’t think many people are aware of just how often fake relationships occur in the entertainment industry. They happen all of the time. And it isn’t a new thing, either. It dates all the way back to the early 20th century and what was known as Lavender Marriages, where men would marry women to hide the fact that they were gay. Although the practice has evolved since then, as it’s not necessarily about bearding anymore as it is about attracting attention, whether that be for a movie/tv show/musician/model and create hype around their relationship.

Okay, *cracks knuckles*, onto Zayn and Gigi. Zayn had a lot of people against him for two reasons; abruptly leaving the band and the mess of the end of an engagement to one Perrie Edwards (I haven’t heard that name in a while, LOL). He wanted to release solo music, but because so many people were angry at him he needed a way to distract them, and what better way to do that than a new relationship with an up and coming model who connections to the Karshian/Jenner clan?

A Hollywood publicist who admitted to producing these kinds of relationships had this to say about one of his clients due to a movie that didn’t do so well:

“It was more of a mutual agreement between the agents and we had a male who actually had a movie coming out and it was getting a lot of bad reviews and slack and they wanted to take the negativity of the movie away and make it more about him”

Sound familiar at all? Try swapping at “movie” with “music” and “negativity of the movie” with “recent fandom drama” and bam! You have Zayn Malik circa 2015.

This wasn’t just beneficial to Zayn, either. Hardly anyone outside the US knew who Hadid was, and she had had PR relationships in the past that weren’t all that successful (Joe Jonas and Cody Simpson), so having someone like Zayn who was known world wide thanks to his success with 1D, this would have been a no brainer. And it worked, incredibly well. Everyone was talking about the new up and coming couple and this brought a lot of attention Zayn’s first music video as a solo artist and people outside the fashion realm began paying attention to her. Mission successful. 

There’s a lot more I could say about this couple that definitely raises eyebrows (like the fact that she has pulled similar stunts with Cody in the past, both starring in his music video and couple photo shoots), and if you’d like to go into it, feel free to message me or browse my zigi is fake tag. Or better yet, visit some of the many other ziam accounts that go into a lot more detail than I have in the past. I recommend @yaz-the-spaz​ and @somewhereisaplacethatziamknow​ off the top of my head. But I hope no one goes over there to be rude and disrespectful, because honestly, what’s the point? If you’re trying to change someone’s mind, you’re not going to do it by insulting them and not bringing anything of substance to the conversation. If you ask politely, I would be more than happy to answer, as I am doing here. 

As for your point in regards to how I can look up to someone who would part take in such a stunt I have two responses; he doesn’t like doing it, and he doesn’t have a choice in the matter - that’s just how the industry works. If you look at all the times the paparazzi have “caught” (take this however you want) them leaving that NY apartment. Zayn, and sometimes even Gigi, don’t look like the happy, loved up couple all the articles claim them to be:

I find this one particularly funny because he is holding his own hand and it looks like she just slipped her hand in there for the photo.

And then you have this photo of them finally reconciling in the street conveniently in front of some paps:

He’s not touching her anywhere other than the mouth (look at that starbucks promo lmao), his hands are pockets, and he may have actually missed her mouth:

And in the rest of the photos he looks fed up and barely touches her, if at all:

Remember, this was after they’ve reconciled, and yet he doesn’t look interested her in the slightest.

Even if you think they were an actual couple, this would be an incredibly toxic relationship. They have “broken up and got back together” how many times now? (legitimate question, I have lost count). They paint the narrative like Zayn riddled with mental health problems and Gigi is the only one that can save him, but sometimes, it just gets too much for her:

“A second source explained there was an honest effort to make their second go at their relationship a success. The two “tried hard to make it work,” the source said, but Malik has “a lot of his own issues that she couldn’t help him get through.” 

You could make the claim that this quote is made up, but then I could argue the very same thing about every quote ever made about their relationship. Why would you want to support a couple if this is the way they are portrayed?

And then “Zayn” tweets this when Gigi is rumoured to be dating someone else:

“When lord knows I don’t deserve it” What the hell is that supposed to mean? It’s just honestly so fucking gross no matter which way you look at it. 

As for your question as to why she would have a baby for PR, look at the amount of attention she has gotten over these pregnancy rumours just in the last few days. Imagine if she would begin talking about it all of the time, all the promotional deals she could get. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was tired of modelling and ends up doing YouTube or something full time. 

There is a lot of things that don’t add up with this pregnancy nonsense. Like the fact that she isn’t showing at all despite the fact that, going by the timeline, she is five months along. Not only would she have gotten pregnant immediately after after they apparently rekindled their relationship (which, with her Hashimoto’s disease is incredibly unlikely), but she doesn’t look pregnant in the slightest. That baby is five months along, and is almost completely formed, organs and all. The baby is the size of a mango, and yet her stomach has remained flat this entire time? No growth at all?:

That, and her own father called it gossip. If she has been pregnant for five months at this point, shouldn’t he know that his daughter is pregnant with his first grandchild?

And I will give it to you that she might be drinking decaf, but how about recording yourself horse riding? Not only that, but horse riding in general while you are pregnant is incredibly dangerous to both the baby and the mother’s health:

But as your pregnancy progresses, the risk of serious injury – to you and your baby – increases. If you get thrown from or kicked by a horse after your first trimester, once the baby has moved higher up in the abdomen, there’s little to protect the baby from harm.

What’s more, the jostling motion of horseback riding can increase your risk of placental abruption, a serious pregnancy complication in which the placenta separates from the uterus.

What’s more, is she apparently has Hashimoto’s disease, which makes it incredibly hard to get pregnant in the first place, and can increase the likelihood of a miscarriage. Why would she even want to risk it, given the fact that she already has a high risk pregnancy during a pandemic where healthcare is limited, the likelihood of her getting pregnant is low, and she increases the risk by not even paying attention to the task, but record herself doing so? It doesn’t make a shred of sense. 

There’s so much to this narrative that doesn’t add up. 

Again, I appreciate the civility, and I like being challenged, it gives me a good opportunity to back up my beliefs in evidence, which I believe to be incredibly important.  So if anyone has any other questions feel free to DM or send me an ask.

Disclaimer: Initially this post was a response to someone who responded to an ask I answered way back in April about Gigi’s pregnancy, but was deleted for some unknown reason. I added some parts in to construct a more detailed and accurate analysis.

[harrywritingsbyme]

Can you do a Harry x reader where they get into a fight, Harry raises his voice which causes reader to be scared of him and have panic attack and he promises to never hurt her?

We’ll Be Alright

A/N: First ‘angst’ piece of you want to call it that. Hope you guys like it.

You really didn’t understand how either of you got here. You didn’t know why you and Harry were arguing. You just wanted it to be over. You knew that arguments were normal in relationships, but fighting like this, it wasn’t normal, especially for you and Harry.

“I just don’t understand what you’re not getting about what I said! I said-“ Harry yells raising his hands in your direction. You knew that he’d never hit you. But in that moment, you got nervous, you flinched. That split second was the tipping point to the ensuing panic attack. Next thing you knew, you were laying in the bed over the covers, trying to calm yourself down. The only problem with that was the fact that Harry calmed you. That realization made things even worse. You could count on your hand how many panic attacks you’ve had. None of your previous attacks have ever been this bad. You were full on sobbing by now. You really wanted things to just go back to normal with Harry. All you could think about was the possibility of losing him and that sent you into panic mode.

Harry on the other hand was downstairs pacing back and forth in the living room trying to pull himself together. He saw you flinch, he saw the slight fear in your eyes and he felt completely sick to his stomach. He hated making his girl cry and knowing that he did made him feel absolutely terrible. He then stopped his pacing and he fell onto the couch in an attempt to calm himself down. His efforts failed, he was far from calm. As soon as he made contact with the couch, the tears began to flow. He finally reached his breaking point. Harry had been extremely stressed as of recent with his upcoming tour and promo and everything in between. It had gotten to a point that Harry didn’t even know why he was stressed, he just knew that he needed to fix things with you. He needed to reassure you that he’d never hurt you and that he loved you more than anything.

You were able to calm down, managing to stabilize your breathing and slowing down the flow of tears. Now you were just laying across the bed with swollen eyes and a dry mouth, trying to figure out a way to approach Harry. As you were laying there your heard faint sniffles and sobs coming from downstairs. You open the bedroom door, peeking into the hallway and you hear Harry’s cries from downstairs. You take a deep breath, give yourself a small pep talk, and you make your way down to him. You don’t say anything to him, you just sit on the couch next to him, rubbing down his back to soothe him. Harry moves from his hunched over position and he pulls you into his body. He thought he’d gotten all of his tears out, but he was very much mistaken. As soon as harry pulled you into him, the tears came on full force again. You wouldn’t say that you were shocked to see him this way, but you kind of were. You’d never seen Harry break down like this in front of you.

“I’m so sorry baby.” He repeated over and over again into your shoulder, holding you tight against him. His grip was so tight that it was as if he was to let go of you he’d lose you.

“Harry, look at me” you sigh, tears beginning to pool again in your eyes. “Harry please” you plead through your shaky voice. He obliges, lifting his head up from your shoulder to look at you. That’s when you started to cry again. Seeing his red eyes and tear stained cheeks broke your heart into a million pieces.

“I’m so sorry y/n, I never want you to think I might hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever imagine doing. I’d never lay a hand on you and I just need you to know that. I promise I’d never hurt you.” He pleads. You could see how much this entire ordeal had affected him.

“I never want you to be afraid of me. I love you so much y/n, and I can’t lose you.” He whimpers, looking into your eyes for a response.

“I’m not afraid of you Harry. It’s just that the whole situation was a bit crazy. I’ve never seen you like that before. What’s going on?” You reply to Harry, wanting your figure this situation out so that things can go back to normal.

“I’ve just been really stressed out with work stuff and I just reached my breaking point. The main problem with the entire situation is that I took all my frustration out on you instead of talking to you.” He hangs his head low with disappointment in himself.

“Look at me” you cup the sides of his face and you tilt his head up to look at you. “I love you so much, and even though I may not understand the level of stress you may have in your line of work, you can still talk to me. And I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me, you don’t have to hold everything in. And I know that you’d never hurt me.” You reassure him. “It’s just when it gets loud and the hands start flying, you don’t what’s going to happen” you chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood. “Are we good now?” You smile, wanting to move on from the entire situation.

“We’re good” he smiles up at you. “Now gimme a kiss” he says through his puckered lips. Your lips connect and the wound that you had from the entire situation had almost instantly healed. When the both of you pull away, Harry lays on the couch pulling you with him. The two of you just lay there, enjoying the silence you both needed right about now. You break the silence, needing something to cut the tension in the room.

“You should let me put one of my face masks that are in the fridge on your face. Your eyes are really puffy.” You pull away from him and you run into the kitchen to grab the mask.

“Can I take a nap” he asks sitting up to get ready for whatever you were doing.

“You have to keep me company while they sit.” You pout, coming back and straddling his hips.

“Fine” he huffs, resting his head on the back of the couch.

“Stay like that so I can put it on.” You rush out opening the package. “Consider it payback for being a such sourpus” you say placing the cold mask onto his face.

“Whatever you say” he concedes and letting you continue.

Even if it meant crying your eyes out, you knew that you guys were going to be just fine. All it took was some tears, talking, and a face mask.

Masterlist

[ravens-words]

the world doesn't exist, only you do (part 2/7)

Everyone watches Michael lose it after Alex goes missing and realize, along the way, that Michael never stopped loving Alex.

(I hope you guys like it . A couple of things to remember: I'm only going on what little I saw from the promo, so this is probably highly inaccurate AND I don't trust Gregory Manes, but I also want to so in this fic, he's a good guy in a bad situation)

Part 1

On AO3

..........................

When Gregory got a call from his father about needing to read him in on a mission, he knew something was very wrong. For one thing, his father probably had a dozen of soldiers at his disposal at any given time, and for another, he hadn't spoken to Gregory in oer a year. In fact, the last time he'd spoken to his father had been a very brief, very loud conversation that had started with him informing Jesse that he was leaving the navy and had ended with Jesse telling him that he was a disappointment and to not bother coming back home.

Gregory had told him to fuck off in no uncertain terms, but then his dad had mentioned Aiyana and Gregory was ready to do whatever he wanted as long as he never heard his father utter her name again.

Which was why he found himself in an abandoned building, wondering what he'd done in a past life to deserve having Jesse Manes as a father. He was seriously contemplating calling Alex and asking him for back up when he heard his father's car pull up. He took a deep breath to calm himself and then seconds later he was face to face with his father. He was leaning on a cane and all Gregory could feel was a vicious sense of justice at seeing him this weak.

"Do you know where you brother is?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Which one?"

Jesse sneered at him and Gregory nearly rolled his eyes. 

"Alex."

He struggled to keep the fear for his brother out of his face and shrugged, aiming for casual. "I have no idea. And since when do you care?"

"He has something of mine." 

"Sounds like a you problem. Why am I here, dad?"

"Because," he let out through gritted teeth, "I need your help."

Well, that was a first. 

"What do you want from me?" 

"Find him for me."

"What's so important that you would threaten your own-"

Before he got to finish, a body slammed into his father and sent him crashing into a wall. Gregory barely managed to move away before they flew past him. He could only watch as Michael Guerin stood over his father and looked down at him with a look of such hatred that had a shiver run down his spine. He then turned around and bent down, grabbing his father's cane. His father groaned and Gregory turned to him, watched him struggle to sit up. He looked at him expectantly and Gregory grudgingly moved forward to help him up.

"Don't move," Michael told him, voice dangerously low. 

Gregory held up his hands and debated whether or not he should turn around. Seconds later, he found himself laying face down on the cold, hard cement floor. He struggled to remain conscious and listen in on the conversation Michael and his father were having, but he was sure he was seconds away from passing out. 

"What did you do with Alex?" Michael asked and he sounded angry as hell. Gregory, his mind foggy, tried his best to make sense of what was happening. His father had tasked him with finding Alex, so why would Michael think his dad had something to do with whatever had happened? Fear gripped his heart in vice hold. Michael being here, doing this, was a clear confirmation that something had happened to his brother. Gregory closed his eyes as the world started spinning-

-and opened them when he felt a few firm slaps against his cheek. Gregory groaned and tried to sit up. He felt a gun press down onto his back and immediately stilled. His vision swam and he swallowed, trying to quell the nausea he was starting to feel. 

He had a concussion. Lovely.

"Where the hell is Alex?!"

"I don't fucking know." He rolled to the side and forcefully pushed the other man's hand away, catching him off guard and disarming him. He emptied the clip in a practiced move and managed to sit up, but it cost him as his vision started to blur at the edges. So he sat there, dizzy and pissed off and glared daggers at Michael. "What happened to Alex?" 

Michael scoffed. "Like you don't know."

He narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't," he snapped at him. He gingerly lifted a hand and touched the back of his head, hissing as his fingers made contact with the bump already forming. "Tell me what the hell happened to my brother, Guerin."

Michael watched him closely. Gregory didn't mind the scrutiny, but his head was sore, he was going to puke any second now and with each second that passed, his worry for Alex increased tenfold. He needed answers.

While Michael was watching him, he took the opportunity to do the same. The man did not look good. He looked almost feral, eyes wild and constantly moving around. The bags under his eyes could have their own zip codes and his whole body was twitching. His heart sank as he realized that whatever happened to his brother was bad. "Michael, please just tell me what's going on. Is my brother okay?" His voice cracked and he saw the other man visibly soften. 

His shoulders dropped and when he spoke, he sounded defeated. "I don't know. We don't have anything to go on. I just know that he's gone. Has been for two days now. And I think you had something to do with it."

Gregory managed to twist and lean to the side just in time to lose his lunch on the floor and not on his shirt. He winced and tried to breathe deeply in an effort to calm his roiling stomach. He closed his eyes, breathed through the pain and talked himself into not tackling Guerin, or punch him in the face. Mainly because because he didn't think he could do either without passing out again. "I didn't have anything to do with whatever happened. And if you accuse me of that again, I'll punch your teeth in."

Michael smiled wryly. "Noted."

"What do you have so far?"

Michael shook his head wildly and laughed, almost hysterical. "Nothing. We have nothing."

"That's not-" he stopped and hissed as his head throbbed. A headache on top of everything else was the icing on top of this crappy cake. "There's gotta be something we can go on. You said it's been two days."

"There's nothing.  Your dad was my best bet, but he keeps saying he doesn't know where he is. And- right now, Max is sick and- he isn't in the force anymore. Cameron is on leave. We can't tell the sheriff yet because we don't know if we *can* and- Alex's phone is off, I don't know what he was working on because I barely talked to him. I- I don't- I can't-"

His breathing was erratic and was way too fast. If he kept this up, Gregory was sure Michael would pass out. Michael got up, paced for a few seconds then bent down, hands on his knees. His loud gasps were painful to hear and Gregory was at a loss. He struggled to get to his feet and once he was up, he cautiously moved towards the other man. He put a hand on his back and when he didn't push him off, he guided him back to sit on the floor with his back against the wall. Then he sat down beside him and resisted the urge to laugh.  The man had knocked him unconscious a few minutes ago, and now he was trying to help him through a panic attack, albeit poorly.

Michael didn't seem to need his help though, and got himself under control, eventually, but Gregory knew the panic attack must have exhausted him. "I'm sorry I hit you."

Gregory waved him off. "It's fine. I've had worse. Though why you did it is beyond me."

Michael nodded at his father and Gregory let out a snort as he saw his father sprawled out on the floor. Of course his dad was the reason. He'd gotten him in this mess in the first place. "Is he alive?"

"Yeah."

Pity. "What'd you do to him?"

"Knocked his head into the wall. Several times."

"I get the urge to do that, I really do, but why would you put yourself on his radar if you weren't absolutely sure he was involved?"

"Alex is missing. I didn't have the time to be sure."

"Well, I can understand why you thought he was involved, but why would you think I was?"

Michael scratched his head and shrugged sheepishly. "Saw your dad at Alex's house.I heard him talking to you and I just- I may have jumped to conclusions?"

Gregory snorted. "That's an understatement."

Michael pulled his bent legs into his chest and rested his forehead on a knee. "I just need to find him."

Gregory kept silent for a second, waiting him out, then spoke when Michael didn't add anything. "We will." Gregory refused to even contemplate any other outcome. 

"It's my fault." 

His brows furrowed in confusion.  "What is?" 

"I was right there, Greg. Whoever took him got the jump on him when he was leaving my place."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Are you two-"

Michael shook his head, regret rolling off him in waves. "No, we're not."

"It's not your fault, Guerin."

He scoffed, unconvinced. "If I had stopped him, if I had gone after him, none of this would be happening."

"You can't think like that, man. It'll destroy you."

They sat in a silence filled with so much guilt and fear that it nearly suffocated him.

"Why are you working with Jesse? Alex said you left everything behind years ago. What changed?"

Gregory hesitated before he pulled out his phone, opened the gallery and clicked on a photo. He handed the phone to Michael and watched his face soften. "Who's this?" 

Gregory smiled. "Aiyana. My daughter." 

"She's beautiful. How old is she?" 

"Eleven months old," Gregory answered.

Michael's face broke out in a small smile. "She- call me crazy, but I think she has his nose," Michael said softly, wistfully.

Gregory nodded in agreement. "His eyes, too." 

Michael nodded. "You haven't told him, have you? About her?"

Gregory shook his head, guilty. "We barely spoke before you guys came to the res. And, it was safer for her if no one knew. My dad- he's a monster and I knew he would use her against me if he found out about her." He laughed bitterly. "Sometimes I hate being right."

"You should tell him about her, if-" he stumbled on the word, then corrected, "when we find him."

"I will."

Michael took one last look at his little girl, eyes impossibly soft, and muttered what Gregory thought sounded like 'uncle Alex' with a hint of wonder. 

He swallowed a lump in his throat and clasped Michael's arm when he gave him his phone back. The man looked down at his hand with a frown of confusion and gave him a questioning look. "When we find him, and we will, you better get your act together and tell him how you feel."

He shook his head. "I don't kn-"

"Oh, save it." Gregory rolled his eyes. "You love my brother. It's clear as day. So, get your head out of your ass and, when we find him, don't waste any more time, will you?"

........ .... ..........

(We haven't seen much of Gregory so I hope neither he nor Michael seem OOC. Also, yes I gave him a daughter and the reasons for that are as follows: Tanner, the actor who played Gregory has a daughter and she is adorable AND I have been craving some Alex with kids fics for a while and there is a serious lack of that in this fandom.

[a-simple-imagine]

Nothing But Co-Stars

Requested by anonymous: I was hoping to get a Gemma Chan story where she and reader worked on captain Marvel together and are high key in love and like the media finds out or something!

Pairing: Gemma Chan x fem!reader

Words: 1937

A/N - 2 posts in one day?? AND I have 3 more coming. This is so unlike me. I did say I would do all my requests before endgame which I’m seeing tomorrow. Since I’ve been avoiding spoilers it’s given me a lot of time to write. I have 5 open spots for requests so throw them at me. 

I was gonna make this fluffy but you know whats better than fluff? angst. I left it on a cliff hanger too

You glance anxiously towards your partner in this interview. You were looking for an answer; some indication of whether she wanted to talk about it or just move on. The woman just smiles softly and you turn back to the interviewer. You can answer a simple question. Nothing suspicious about that.

"Yeah, we become pretty close while working on the set together- as did all the cast."

"I agree." Gemma nods. "I think working on any show or movie you kind of become like a little family for a while. So I've been spending a lot of time with Y/N."

"You two were spotted out for dinner together quite a few times." The interviewer adds.

"Oh yeah. What can I say she makes a great dinner date." You insist with a soft chuckle.

"Y/N actually was late to our last dinner date," Gemma added.

"Okay, I actually have an excuse for that."

"Which is?"

"It's nothing major, I just had a really long day. I had just finished up some press with Brie and it ran a little later than expected. And these two girls run up to us asking for pictures. So I'm taking pictures of them with Brie because y'know she's Captain Marvel. I was surprised when they asked for one with me, it made me feel like a star. Anyway, this girl is standing next to me. I have one arm around her and she just whispers in my ear, will you strangle me?"

"What?" The interviewer seemed surprised but amused.

"Yeah, I was like so confused and Brie is just laughing next to me. I sadly had to tell her that I would not choke her but we were both shook."

"You never told me that."

You shrug casually, glancing in your co-star's direction. "Never needed to. I didn't think it was relevant, I wasn't that late to dinner."

The interview continues normally. You talk about the film. Answered some vaguely personal questions. And when it was over, you retreated to your black SUV with the rest of your team. Surprised when Gemma slips into the seat beside you a few moments later.

"Do you not have your own car?"

"Thought we may as well share." She insisted, hand settling on your thigh. You smile warmly at her.

"I was gonna head back and go for a run but how about we grab lunch instead?"

She nodded a little. You had your driver/security guard take a detour to a small cafe downtown. This thing with Gemma had been going on for a while now but letting the world know wasn't part of the plan yet. So it requires a lot of sneaking around. You share lunch at this small french style cafe. You chat about anything everything. It was pleasant. It was undisturbed. And for just a moment you forget that for some messed up reason you're more than just two people having lunch. Brushes of hands. Longing glances. As you leave, your hands are intertwined. A peck on the cheek before you slip into you car and she gets in the one behind. You go your separate ways after that like nothing happened. You had to be in a different places tomorrow.

"We have a problem," your assistant announces as your speeding down the road. Tapping away on her phone beside you. You're preoccupied, recording the current song on the radio to post to your Instagram story.

"Have you seen TMZ?"

You don't register the question right away but when you do you shrug. "Who got a DUI now?"

"I don't know. I'm more worried about you," you glance at her briefly before looking out the window. Cars pass by. An old woman walks her dog. A young man skateboards down the street with what looks like an ice pop. "Can we get ice cream on the way home?"

"What are you five years old?" Your drive asks. His tone is playful.

"A five year old who also happens to be your boss." You flash a tight-lipped smile in your driver's direction. Continuing to scroll through your Instagram feed. Completely ignoring most of the posts just minding your own business. Your team chatted around you. You could hear what they were saying but you just weren't registering any of it.

"Y/N. You were planning to keep your blossoming relationship with Miss. Chan a secret were you not?"

"For now." You respond with a small nod. "A lot of people date their costars so I just wanna make sure there's something here and it's not just because we've been working together. I don't want this to be promo."

"TMZ posted about you."

A split second of panic. "About the interview? That was fast."

"No about you two." She held her phone up for you. Your Y/E/C eyes narrow in on the English actress and yourself. Your lips pressed to her cheek. Hands intertwined.

'Y/N Y/L/N cosies up with co-star Gemma Chan during lunch date'

Uncreative. Straight to the point. Definitely TMZs style. But it was just one news outlet. No big deal. It's not like they caught you doing anything bad. You open Twitter and check your official mentions. More outlets had taken the opportunity to write about it. You're not a massive star but enough to peak the interest of the media. Enough for an otherwise slow news day. Fuck. It had been a brief laps in judgment. Hardly anyone was around. You decide to let the news linger for now. No need to confirm or deny. You open Instagram and take a selfie. No caption. Just a time filter. You get the ice cream you wanted. Deciding upon Mint chocolate chip. You also put that on your Instagram story. People who don't like mint choc are tasteless as a caption. 3 posts were enough to satisfy what fans you had. It makes you seem active and like you're engaging with your fans when you've hardly put in any effort. You return to your moderate size apartment. It overlooks the city. It looks beautiful at night. Your team leaves you alone not too long after that. You go for a jog with your dog. It's peaceful. There's safety in numbers. On returning, you take a shower to which you perform Beyoncé's greatest hits before retiring to your living room. The word room used loosely because your apartment is open floor. You place your shark mug - the body of a great white, fins and all made up the mug and the tail made up the handle - of hot chocolate atop a low glass coffee table alongside your iPad. You take up space between the table which is sat on a plush carpet and the couch which rests on laminate. You switch on the tv more so for background noise than anything else. Deciding to watch The Good Wife. You've been binge-watching it lately. It's good. And then you call her. A few rings pass by and she picks up. Her face swimming into view. You smile at her and she returns it.

"We need to talk," you say quietly. Picking up your mug of hot chocolate; for a moment you're amused by its quirkiness. You blow gently on the surface. Your attention on the drama unfolding on screen.

"You saw?"

"I did." You reply, daring to take a sip. It was really hot. Burns the end of your tongue but you can tell it's gonna taste great. You keep the mug in your hands allowing the heat to transfer to your skin.

"What are you watching?" She wonders clearly noticing your lack of attention.

"The good wife." You answer, turning back to her. "So, what do we do?"

"What do you want to do?"

You shrug. It's not a question you should decide on your own and so you had left it until now to truly think about. "Maybe it's time to just tell everyone."

Her expression is unreadable and so you divert back to Alicia as she battles yet another court case. She seems to be winning.

"Really?" By her tone, you can tell she's not entirely on board with the idea. But she's also not trying to come off as malicious or embarrassed. Just cautious. Being in the public eye could be great but it was also unforgiving. It was progressive but unprogressive. For every person who loved you, there were ten more lining up to tell you you're a piece of shit. Talentless. Your words were always being twisted. Every step of your life became strategic. To some extent, you did whatever you wanted but you had a publicist that kept you from doing anything stupid. Usually, she would be on the phone right now. Maybe she was. You had left your phone in the kitchen on silent for a reason.

"I just don't think Its best right now,"

"For us?" You question as your stare down the iPad screen. "Or to be telling everyone?"

The hesitation is worrying but you don't question it. You decide not to make a big deal out of it.

"Telling everyone." She eventually answers. She's not looking at you and you wonder where her attention lies.

"Why?" You ask immediately. Brow cocked in curiosity.

"I just... don't think it's the right time. "

"Then what do you want to do?" You ask, bringing your shark mug to your lips and taking a large sip. It warmed your entire body.

"I don't know," She answers. "can't we ignore it?"

"Sure," You nod, returning your gaze to the tv. "but people are still gonna think we're together so why not just tell them?"

"Y/N, please." Your disappointed in her soft words but you had been expecting them.

"I'm gonna talk to my publicist, see what we can do." You explain.

"Thank you,"

"I kinda want to tell everyone though." You mumble casually. More to yourself than her. She didn't seem like she was going to change her mind any time soon. "What does your publicist say?"

"I told her I wanted to ignore it. See what happens."

"Oh." You nod a little. "Okay then."

"How was your run?"

You glance back to her. Taking in a little more of your drink. She was changing the conversation so I guess that was the end of that. "It was good."

A silence comes between both of you. It's a little awkward but that's because you're a little disheartened. The circumstances had changed. Everyone had already caught a glimpse so why does she still want to hide? You can't wrap your head around it. What was she so scared of. You watch her through the screen. Listening to the TV show in the background.

"I'm gonna go." You eventually say. "I'll call you when I'm done with press tomorrow."

"Oh- yeah, okay." She offers you an unsure smile.

"I'll see you later Gemma,"

"Wait Y/N, I-" you cut off the feed before she can finish her sentence. You down the contents of your mug before raising to your feet. You exchange your mug with the phone in the kitchen and retire to the couch. Your pup comes along and lies down next you. Head falling to rest in your lap. You hand brushes through its soft fur. You unlock your phone and finally return the missed call.

"So what's the plan?"

"Tell me what you want?"

With an unfocused gaze on the screen, you sigh. "She wants to ignore it."

"I didn't ask what she wants, I don't work for her. What do you want to do?"

You hesitate for a moment. "I... want everyone to know."

[cheeekyhoney]

Can’t wait for the whole story to come out about fifth harmony down the track. Will be know in 5 years ... 10? How bad were the contracts they signed as kids? This includes Ally cos she was still paid dust on the old contract.

You can see what they were thinking. Let’s establish the biggest girl band in the world and then split them off and have 5 superstars. The plan in establishing them as a supergroup faltered because they treated the girls like shit.

When you look back now - work from home is what made them really well known, particularly outside of America. Before that the old men in control had worked the girls to death touring and making them sing songs that others wrote. Regularly screwing the girls over and not showcasing their voices is quite evident when you listen to certain songs.

I’m a fan of all the girls voices but it is very clear that the men in control had Camila picked as the lead early on. This is so flawed and practically set them up to fail as a group. You can’t have the same sound constantly - if it isn’t working try something different.

Basically as the girls now emerge from the shadow of fifth harmony you can see all of their talents and really understand how their management and labels really did them a disservice.

I love Camila’s voice and she will keep doing well. However, she still has people controlling her every move professionally and they have made some pretty shit choices for her. Randomly releasing Sangria wine hoping it would be Havana 2.0. Yeah nah man. The song was weird and it was so clear they were trying to capitalise off of Havana. Her album was full of gems and they kind of ambled away from it and then looped back with consequences. OMG should have been on the album and was obviously omitted either due to the quite gay lyrics or they thought they could just go for the Latina sound.

The PR narratives are exhausting. Problem one. Camila keeps talking about love and heart break etc but there is no visible partner for the last few years and she claims she’s never been serious about anyone really, although clearly contradicted by her deep lyrical content and visible emotions when performing certain songs.

Enter the weirdest PR I think I’ve ever seen. Well it’s certainly right up there. Her team sets her up with a mid thirties unknown guy who claims to be a ‘love guru’. They have her mention his name in an interview so blatantly out of nowhere that it is clear it was for the fans to go back and be like ‘oh, see she mentioned him then’.

The pairing is bizarre and this slimy dude pops up for photo ops. The girl is 21 for fucks sake.

Her team needs to sort out what direction she’s going in. Is she actually in a PR relationship because she’s gay and they want to hide it because no one will like a gay star (sarcasm). Or is Camila actually into this creepy love guru and has a thing for older guys - and a queerbaiter.

They used to pair off all the gays back in the day (Tab Hunter pictured below)

Lauren’s team is a complete mess. She should have had way more exposure by now. Instead they are content for her to be the arm candy of another older man. At least he is in the music biz and you can follow the thought process a bit more than Camila and her joke of a ‘bf’.

Lauren has a very distinctive voice. So far they have been more focused on showing her smoking pot (no shade) and only promoting her PR and not capitalising on her talent. I sincerely hope that when LJ1 drops they don’t have any more Ty $ on it. Stop associating the girls with him. Leave it in the past. They need to go away from trashy lyrics and have her focus more on the sound she has when she covers Lana songs. Bring that soul out and let her voice shine.

Normani’s career is on the up and up and her team have done everything right. No bullshit. This girl is a fucken star and got no favours from the old men controlling fifth harmony. Shit the girls voice is amazing - but who would have known from the lack of lines in the band days.

Thank god she is out on her own - her new song is a bop and they are showing sides to her voice. I can see many artists wanting to work with her and actually am the most excited for her album out of all the girls - including CC2.

Dinah has had minimal promotion and been a bit under the radar - only popping up for a few shows and promo. Again, stop pairing these girls with Ty for fucks sake. Dinah has such an amazing voice. I’m concerned with how they’re managing her career atm. Hoping that she releases an awesome album and we get to hear her beautiful voice and that there aren’t too many mumbly rappers in there. Again... let her voice shine - the lady is mad talented.

Ally has been a surprise. It appeared initially that she might fade into the background once the group split but she had had some solid efforts and low key is a good move for her. Her team is doing things right also. Ally also has a great voice and deserves all the success in the world.

Can we stop having old men controlling the careers of young women.

Being gay shouldn’t be an issue anymore. Most of the time they label artists as bi and next thing pair them off with a guy again. This perpetuates the whole being bi and slutty image. It totally takes away from the headway made from tackling these issues publicly and being a voice for the community. The management teams are so incongruent.

-Let’s have Camila day she won’t be public about a relationship - literally has weird staged pics on a beach and photo ops at every opportunity.

-let’s have Lauren speak about rights and be an advocate for the LQBTQ community and then pair her with an old guy who is a misogynist.

I really hope all the girls careers fire and that they all achieve the success they desired as youngsters.

Everything always comes out in the end. Years go by and all of a sudden it all gets revealed. Friendships get repaired.

Let’s use the spice girls as an example. Big break up. Friendships broken. The girls all made up and played concerts and for the Olympics.

I think if we go with the theory that Camila and Lauren definitely had a relationship or still do. Then it won’t be revealed any time soon. Either it is over and let’s face it, getting over your first love is the worst. Or they are still together and the constant PR is gay cover. I mean the rumours have followed them for years now.

Address it properly (both of them) or expect the speculation to continue - particularly when you pair 2 young girls with guys in their mid thirties.

I mean if you have to pair Camila with someone over 30 can’t it be Taylor Schilling!

Keep rising girls and hope that you can break away from shitty teams and management as soon as possible. The girls with good management keep kicking goals!!

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (23.52% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Loads of fun, though tonally dissonant; works best on first viewing. Easily the superior film of the Thor franchise, though that’s not a huge achievement considering its predecessors.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Sigh.

Female characters:

Hela.

Scrapper 142 (I know, she is credited as Valkyrie, but since the name is never used to address her in the film it doesn’t count by the rules of this blog; if she didn’t happen to be referred to by her scrapper number a few times, she wouldn’t count as a named character at all).

Topaz.

Natasha Romanoff.

Male characters:

Thor.

Surtur.

Skurge.

Loki.

Stephen Strange.

Odin.

Volstagg.

Hogun.

The Grandmaster.

Carlo.

Korg.

Bruce Banner.

Heimdall.

OTHER NOTES:

The use of Immigrant Song is my favourite thing about this movie, to be honest. I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just such a good choice.

The inclusion of Doctor Strange in this film feels like a pointless misstep, a distraction at what is really a vital early point in establishing tone, especially considering this useless scene is what leads us in to...

...the literal death of Odin and introduction of Big Bad Hela, all of which should be emotional and intense and is instead flat and dissonant in the extreme. Watching this for the first time, I was very concerned that the whole film was just gonna end up gimmicky and soulless. While it does pick up, I was also not wrong about that early assessment.

Not that I was attached to Thor’s friends from the previous films, but they sure do just kill them off without fanfare, except for Sif who just doesn’t appear at all (logically, we should assume she dies off-screen, otherwise there’s no reason for her not to be up-front with Thor at the end of the movie). Fandral doesn’t even get a line in before he croaks, that’s how irrelevant these franchise-veteran characters are. Emotional engagement in plot and character is for chumps, anyway.

*whispers* Jeff Goldblum is here.

“Piss off, ghost!”

Hulk reveal is pretty solid, if you manage not to have been spoiled (a tall order, since it was in the promos).

Heimdall is still the MVP of the Thor franchise.

Can’t believe it took this long for any movie to squeeze some real fun and heart out of the Hulk character. This is way better than embarrassingly forcing a love match on him.

The valkyrie-battle memory is soooo good-looking.

This movie is too recent to be using the word ‘gypsy’...

Thor’s story about Loki pretending to be a snake when they were kids is the good shit.

But, Immigrant Song is still the most inspired choice of the film. Not sorry.

So, this is one of those movies which I felt was pretty over-hyped, to be honest. It is great fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s fresh and hilarious and subversive and way the Hell better than the previous Thor films, plus it has a great cast and strong visuals and they used Immigrant Song really effectively...but the tone of the film is an absolute fucking mess, the plotting is a shambles, and there’s nowhere near as much heart and weight underpinning it all as what there should be for a movie involving the near-total destruction of an entire civilisation. The majority of the movie is handed over to a shenanigan-heavy side-plot of no consequence to the central conflict, while the central conflict - LITERAL RAGNAROK - is relegated to a handful of scenes sprinkled across the film, obliterating any chance of it seeming meaningful or even particularly serious. The strongest point of the story is the final act, once Thor and company finally get to Asgard to confront Hela, but the narrative doesn’t earn that strong finish; it just goes to show how much more engaging the rest of the film could have been if they had stayed on track.

This is a big part of why this movie - while a delightful surprise on first viewing - doesn’t age particularly well on repeat; this was my fourth time through, and by the third quarter, as Sakaar draaaagged through its roster of jokes and pratfalls, my attention span was waning fast. Even if the entire garbage-planet sidebar was not distracting from what should have been a very serious main plot, I’m not sure it would remain engaging long-term, since it is rather spare and low on emotional/character investment; it’s not a pitfall of comedy that has to exist (heavily-emotional and/or dark comedies are definitely a real thing), but unfortunately, this is not a movie that is very interested in what has come before it, and it expresses that disinterest by neglecting any element of the established Thor mythology which might have brought this plot a sense of meaning. As such, rather than feeling like ‘the Thor movie that finally got it right’, it’s more like a reboot, with old characters unceremoniously ditched and any sense of purpose or import in old story threads or histories gone right alongside Asgard itself.

I’ve seen people praise this film for its ‘anti-Imperialism, anti-colonialism’ message, but I feel it’s a point weakly made onscreen; any depth to that argument would require a more sincere effort from the script in addressing those scant Asgard scenes, and as such, I feel that this element - though it isn’t completely wishful thinking - is much more in the eye of the beholder than it is a function of the narrative itself. The attempt to engage with any thoughtful discussion on Asgard’s legacy is a swift casualty of the film’s overall superficiality, just the same as the devastation of Asgard and the decimation of its population is blithely underplayed because, hey, Thor vs Hulk is worth way more attention than genocide, right? It’s that tonal dissonance in the two pieces of the plot which keeps me from really relaxing and enjoying the lightness, because that lightness is both excessive and out-of-place; I feel uncomfortable being asked to just shrug and go with it, I want to be emotionally involved and moved by the plight of the Asgardians, and instead I’m stuck watching Thor get a haircut and an eyeful of Hulk dick. Under almost any other circumstances, I would be all about a hard-comedy version of Thor, especially after the generic drudgery of the earlier installments in the franchise, but at the same time as Ragnarok? Not so much.

That said? This film is definitely not without quality. Comedic quality, for sure (anything with Taika Waititi’s name attached is worth a look), and there really are some great casting flourishes (though I maintain disappointment that the Asgard plot is so undersold, because it means Karl Urban and especially Cate Blanchett are under-utilised); for the interests of this blog, it’s that Scrapper 142 aka Valkyrie who forms the highlight (and she’s a worthy highlight without the context of this blog, too). Valkyrie’s drunk, angry sauntering and her snappy disregard for Thor’s righteous pontificating positions her within an archetype normally restricted to male characters only, too loose and unseemly for a female character, who might be found dislikeable and (horror of horrors) too sloppy to be sexy, whereas a man in the same archetype is funny, a ‘lovable asshole’, and the perception of his appearance is not tied up in his behaviour the same way nor is he under the same pressure to prioritise his appeal for the audience in the first place. Angry male drunkards who begrudgingly tag along with the protagonist in the end because they’re surly but not bad, those are a dime a dozen, but a woman in the same position? A rare gem indeed. And Valkyrie is more than just a fresh twist on an old cliche; her personality is grounded, it has a relatable simplicity (disillusionment with a side-order of survivor’s guilt), and there’s a confidence about the way she and the unspoken parts of her life are presented, without need to force a connection with Thor and his personal plight in order to justify Valkyrie’s actions or relevance to the plot. She’s an entirely self-contained character who could just as easily have the story to herself with no further mention of Thor et al., and that’s the hallmark of any well-constructed character: the ability to stand alone.

As a whole, this movie is far from bad - when I call it overrated, I am very much talking about the fact that it’s mostly a string of shenanigans with minimal narrative underpinning, and while that’s not a terrible thing in itself, I do think the hype around this movie implied that it had something more to offer than just laughs and a retro look. For me personally, the lack of emotional engagement and character stakes is close to a fatal flaw, and so while I enjoy this movie on a superficial level, it gives me nothing I need in order to really dig it (for others, obviously, this is not a problem). It always rubs me the wrong way to see something completely disavow previous chapters in the same story - there’s a big difference between developing an idea in a new direction, and simply ditching whatever you didn’t like about what came before - and I would have preferred to see this film make its changes with at least a modicum of respect for the foundations it is building upon (basic as the previous Thor films were, they weren’t catastrophic embarrassments). And yes, ultimately, the burying of the Ragnarok plot under a pile of Planet Garbage (feat. Jeff Goldblum) is just a little unforgivable in my mind, and it’s the first thing I think of whenever this film pops up; I really, really wish that Ragnarok were not part of this plot at all, that the Sakaar part of the story (i.e. the part that The Powers That Be were actually invested in, clearly) formed the bulk of the second film in the Thor franchise instead, since that movie basically sucked and took itself too seriously, and then the Thor film which took itself seriously could have been actually about Ragnarok. Basically, I wish that Marvel had gotten their shit together sooner rather than later with this part of the franchise, because while this worked out fine for them monetarily, narratively it’s just not a step I can get behind.

[a-splash-of-stucky]

Menace

Read this on AO3 Square Filled: PDA Ship: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers Rating: E Major Tags: Grinding, Making Out, PDA, Frottage Word Count: 3099 Summary:

Bucky Barnes is a fucking menace.

Case in point: those jeans.

Created for @mcukinkbingo

Notes: Idk how public PDA needs to be for it to be considered PDA, but I figure that aggressively making out in front of your friends counts for something, right? 

The jeans that Bucky has on look a little something like the pair that Seb was wearing during the TIFF 2017 I, Tonya promo stuff. See here and here. 

Bucky’s t-shirt looks like the fifth one from this post. 

Stucky Masterlist

Bucky Barnes is a fucking menace.

This is a fact that Steve’s been aware of for a long time. However, every once in a while, the world likes to remind Steve just how much of a menace Bucky is.

Here’s the thing: Bucky is hot.

Smokin’ hot.

No two ways about it, Bucky is the hottest guy in Brooklyn.

(Steve’s opinion may be subject to high levels of bias, seeing as Bucky is his boyfriend and all).

Here’s another thing: Bucky knows that he’s hot.

More importantly, he knows how to show off his good looks. His fashion sense is unparalleled; every item of clothing that Bucky wears exudes a casual, nonchalant sex appeal that drives Steve crazy.

Case in point: those jeans.

They’re a bit of a mystery, as Steve’s not entirely sure how Bucky got himself into them. They look painted on, hugging his legs like a second skin. The jeans are black and super skinny, clinging to him in all the right places. It’s a wonder that Bucky can walk in them, let alone sit down. The denim wraps around his muscular thighs and is practically moulded to his ass, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘flaunting your assets’. The zipper in the front is straining against his bulge. If zippers could talk, Bucky’s would be begging for mercy.

Then of course, there’s the rest of Bucky’s outfit.

He’s wearing a white t-shirt that fits his torso perfectly. The material is thin enough for Steve to make out the outline of Bucky’s nipples, which is a major reason why Steve’s gaze keeps drifting down to Bucky’s chest. It hadn’t been so bad earlier, when they were outside, as Bucky had been wearing a dark blue bomber jacket that hid the offending nipples from Steve’s wandering eyes. But, now that they’re in Nat and Clint’s living room, the jacket has been shed, and Steve finds himself having to constantly force his eyes to look at more appropriate things.

“You’re staring again,” Sam whispers, elbowing Steve’s side pointedly. “Quit being a pervert.”

“He’s my boyfriend, I can stare if I want to,” Steve replies.

Sam snorts. His gaze drifts over to Bucky, who’s helping Natasha out in the kitchen. “Homeboy needs to buy some jeans that actually fit him,” he mutters.

“They fit him!” Steve protests, “They fit him really well.”

“Yeah?” Sam scoffs, “Well, I think most dudes wanna give their dick some breathing room, but everyone’s got their preference, I guess.”

It’s movie night at Natasha and Clint’s place and everyone is here. Wanda and Clint are by the TV console, hooking Clint’s laptop up to the TV, whilst Tony, Pepper and Sharon are setting out snacks on the coffee table. Steve and Sam have just come back from the corner store, having nipped out to buy a couple of six-packs. They’ve set the beers down on the floor beside the coffee table, as per Pepper’s instructions.

Sam heads off to the bathroom, whilst Steve hops onto the lazyboy, claiming it before it gets taken.

Tonight’s movie is Black Panther. Everyone except Wanda has already seen it, but as it’s a really good movie, no one minds watching it again.

“Okay, we’re ready to go,” Clint announces, standing up and clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention.

“Is it really as good as people say?” Wanda asks, as she claims a bowl of popcorn and curls up at the edge of the couch.

“Better,” Nat assures her. She sits down beside Wanda, then grumbles as Clint plops himself down on her other side, taking up nearly half of the couch in the process.

“Yeah, wait til’ you see Winston Duke in it,” Sharon says dreamily. “Now that’s what I call eye-candy.”

“Hey!” Sam says, affronted. “I go to the bathroom for literally a minute and you’re out here insulting me?”

“I love you too, Sammy,” Sharon says sweetly, feigning innocence. She pecks him on the cheek as he comes to sit beside her on the two-seater.

Tony and Pepper wind up in the oversized armchair, whilst Bucky joins Steve on the lazyboy. He clambers onto Steve’s lap and wedges his ass between the arm rest and Steve’s thigh, draping his legs over Steve’s lap. Bucky tucks Steve’s head against the side of his neck and rests his chin on Steve’s hair. Steve turns his face to the side and presses a kiss to the hollow of Bucky’s throat. Bucky huffs softly in response.

Someone hits play, and everyone quietens down as the opening scene rolls. With a bit of effort, Steve manages to snag a blanket from the side-table and drapes it over his and Bucky’s legs. Bucky hums appreciatively at the gesture.

Though Black Panther is a work of art, Steve’s not in the right headspace to be watching a movie right now. Bucky’s been wearing those goddamn jeans all evening, driving Steve wild; suffice it to say that Steve is a little riled up.

A part of him feels guilty for not paying attention to the cinematic masterpiece that is Black Panther, but he’s watched the movie a dozen times, so the guilt isn’t too strong. Steve’s focus is drawn to the fact that Bucky’s ass is dangerously close to his crotch.

“You’re a menace,” he breathes, nipping the hinge of Bucky’s jaw gently.

“Mm? Why’m I a menace, Stevie?” Bucky asks quietly, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

Steve slides his hand along the inseam of Bucky’s jeans, stopping an inch or so from his crotch.

“Leavin’ the house wearin’ somethin’ like this, that’s why,” Steve murmurs, squeezing Bucky’s thigh affectionately.

“What’s wrong with me wearing these jeans?” Bucky counters, pulling back to look at Steve, a sly smile on his lips.

“You make it hard to think,” Steve whispers, as he mouths at the skin just above Bucky’s collar. “Wanna do so many things to ya, you’ve no idea, Buck.”

Bucky makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a purr. “Tell me, Stevie.”

Steve swallows, flicking his eyes around the room to make sure that no one’s paying attention to them. “Wish I could bend you over that dining table,” Steve whispers, keeping his voice low. Bucky’s eyes flick over to glance at the table in question.

“Pull your pants down so I could see your ass. Maybe I’d lick at your hole until you’re loose and sloppy, eat you out til’ you come on my tongue alone,” Steve says hotly, catching Bucky’s earlobe between his teeth and tugging slightly. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky agrees shakily.

“Wanna make you suck me off too,” Steve admits, as he uses the tip of his nose to trace the sharp lines of Bucky’s jaw. “Pull your hair, make you choke on my cock, get it all wet and messy so that I could slip it to ya.”

“Steve,” Bucky whimpers. He threads his fingers through Steve’s hair, nails scratching against Steve’s scalp.

“Wanna make you scream, Buck,” Steve says, a bit of a growl creeping into his voice. He swallows, fighting to keep his voice down, so that he doesn’t disturb anyone.

Steve trails his lips over Bucky’s skin, mouthing at the underside of Bucky’s jaw and down his throat. He plants sloppy, haphazard kisses over every bit of exposed skin that he can get to. “Wanna punish you for bein’ like this,” he says, “Makin’ me walk around with a semi all evenin’ – Christ, you got no idea, Buck.”

“I want you to fuck me,” Bucky whispers, a hint of a needy whine behind his words.

Steve bites his lips and closes his eyes, breathing out a shuddering breath. “I want that too, Buck,” he says quietly, his tongue flicking out to taste Bucky’s skin again. “Wanna fuck you hard and then I wanna make love to you, take care of ya’ real good, baby.”

“Fuck, I want you so bad, Buck,” Steve says fervently.

Bucky makes a little hurt noise in the back of his throat as his upper body twists around. He crooks his finger under Steve’s chin, tipping his head back and bringing their lips together. So much is said without a word passing between them.

I love you. I want you. You make me crazy, so goddamn crazy, Steve says, with every press of his lips and each swipe of his tongue.

I know, Bucky says in return, I love you too, I want you just as much. When Bucky pulls away, there’s a mad gleam in his eyes, a flush of colour dusting the tops of his cheekbones.

Bucky presses his cheek to Steve’s temple. “I’ll let you do anything you want to me when we get home, Stevie, I swear,” Bucky promises, his hot breath ghosting over Steve’s cheek and the top of his ear.

Steve turns his face to the side, pressing his forehead against Bucky’s throat. He can feel Bucky’s racing pulse at that point of contact.

“You wanna bend me over the table and eat my ass out? You can do that,” Bucky says breathily. “Want me to suck you off? I will. Wanna make me cry and beg? We can. Wanna make love to me in our bedroom? We’ll do it, I swear,” he whispers, twining his fingers in Steve’s hair.

He uses his grip to pull Steve’s head back, forcing Steve to look him in the eyes. “We can do it all, baby, I promise you,” Bucky husks.

Steve’s not sure what kind of expression is on his face right now, but he’s pretty sure it’s something mushy and sappy, full of love. Half of Bucky’s face is illuminated by the TV, the colourful lights flickering across his skin in mesmerising patterns. He looks beautiful like this, with his features thrown into sharp relief by the contrast of dark and light.

“I love you,” Steve says.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Love you too, you mook,” he whispers, leaning down to capture Steve’s lips with his.

Steve sighs happily, lips parting underneath the pressure of Bucky’s insistent tongue. Bucky licks into his mouth, hot and wet and insistent, a brief hint at what they’ll be doing later tonight.

Steve’s eyes flutter shut as Bucky trails wet kisses along his jaw, pausing to suck on the sensitive skin beneath his ear. He shivers with arousal, his cock beginning to stir in his jeans.

“Buck,” he says warningly.

Bucky pays him no attention. He continues to trace the tendons in Steve’s neck with his tongue, stopping occasionally to nibble at Steve’s sensitive spots, the ones that make his toes curl reflexively. Steve has to bite down on his lip to stifle his moans; Bucky’s actions are driving him half-mad with pleasure.

“Buck, we gotta stop,” Steve rasps.

“You started it, Stevie,” Bucky murmurs, leaning down to scrape his teeth over Steve’s jugular. Steve’s fingers flex involuntarily, itching to grab Bucky’s waist and flip them onto the floor.

He opens his eyes a fraction to study the state of the room. Everyone else is focused on the movie, captivated by T’Challa and Shuri’s playful banter, seemingly oblivious to his and Bucky’s antics. Steve doesn’t know whether that will be the case for much longer.

“You started it,” Bucky repeats, his clever tongue tracing the shell of Steve’s ear, pulling Steve’s attention back to him. A shiver of excitement runs down Steve’s spine.

“You started it,” Steve retorts, turning to quickly peck Bucky on the lips. “Wearin’ those jeans – that’s what got me thinkin’ in the first place.”

“You love me in these jeans,” Bucky whispers, a sly smirk on his face.

“Yeah, I guess do,” Steve says, trying – and failing – to inject a little bit of heat to his voice. Bucky’s smile widens as his arms loop around Steve’s neck, pulling their bodies closer. Each press of his lips against Steve’s is hot and purposeful; Bucky’s not fucking around. When his fingers thread through Steve’s hair and tug gently, Steve moans a little louder than he should’ve.

That draws some people’s attention.

“Get a room, you two!” Tony yells, throwing a pillow at Bucky’s head. It misses him completely, landing somewhere behind the chair.

Bucky flips him off, not even breaking the kiss to do so.

“Steve! Bucky! Ew, no one wants to see that!” Wanda protests. He hears Natasha wolf-whistling loudly.

Bucky huffs against Steve’s lips. Without warning, without pulling his lips away, Bucky somehow manages to twist his body, swinging his legs around until he’s straddling Steve’s lap. The blanket flutters to the floor. Bucky drops his full weight onto Steve’s crotch, exerting pressure on Steve’s hardened cock, forcing a choked-off groan out of his lungs.

“Buck—what’re you—”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Bucky growls quietly, fisting his hands in the front of Steve’s shirt.

Their lips crash together in a sloppy, passionate kiss – a symphony of lips and tongue and teeth clacking together. Of their own volition, one of Steve’s hands curls around the back of Bucky’s neck, whilst the other grips his waist tightly.

“Bucky,” Steve pants, not breaking the kiss. “Stop it—we gotta—we can’t—”

“Fuck ‘em, Stevie,” Bucky whispers, as his lips trail across Steve’s cheek, over his jaw and down his neck. “I don’t care, I want you so bad.”

Steve groans, resigning himself to fate. Bucky is a man on a mission, and if there’s one thing that Steve knows about his boyfriend, it’s that nothing can get in his way once he’s set his heart on something. Bucky’s fingers have threaded through his hair, holding his head in place as his tongue curls into Steve’s mouth, kissing him wet and dirty. Steve lets his hands roam over Bucky’s toned back and shoulders, tracing his bunching and flexing muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

Bucky’s hands let go of Steve’s hair, and he moves to grip the back of the lazyboy. He uses his hold as leverage to grind himself against Steve’s body, rubbing their crotches together. The friction on his cock is amazing, making Steve’s eyes flutter shut.  He has to bite his lips to suppress a moan.

“Fuck, baby,” he chokes out, hands sliding down Bucky’s rippling back to rest on his ass. He can’t help but give it a little squeeze, which only prompts Bucky to grind against him with more intent. Steve’s been trying hard to keep his touches above the waist, but with Bucky not playing fair – well, it’s not Steve’s fault that things got so hot so fast.

Steve opens his eyes, leaning back to watch Bucky’s movements.

He is mesmerising, backlit by the glowing light of the TV. Strands of hair has fallen out of his bun, clinging to his temples and cheeks. His lips are plump and kiss-bitten, rounded in a soft ‘o’. His cheeks are stained red and his eyes are hooded with lust. As Steve’s eyes rake down his body, he notes how Bucky’s stiff nipples are poking through the flimsy material of his top; Steve’s lips ache to close around them, to torture those sensitive little nubs. His eyes travel further south, zeroing in on the prominent bulge in the front of Bucky’s jeans, where his cock is straining against his zipper.

“You guys!” Sam yells, “Stop it, or I swear to god, I’ll dump cold water on you both.”

In response, Bucky winks at Steve, before inching closer and literally shoving his tongue down Steve’s throat. Steve laughs into his mouth but plays along, sliding his hands underneath Bucky’s t-shirt, fingertips tracing the muscles in his back.

“Oh my god, you horny dogs,” Sam groans. His voice is muffled, like he’s covered his face with a cushion.

“Boys! Not on my chair!” Nat yells. Steve can hear someone – possibly Clint or Tony – hooting and cat-calling.

“Guys!” Wanda whines, “I wanna watch.”

“How the fuck can you guys be so into each other when Chadwick fucking Boseman is shirtless, on screen?” Sharon asks incredulously.

Bucky breaks the kiss, a wild, disbelieving look in his eyes. “Have you seen Steve without his shirt?” he asks, “Now there’s a pair of pecs.”

“Bucky,” Steve says exasperatedly, cheeks aflame with embarrassment.

“And you say I’m bad, Peps,” Tony says teasingly.

“You are, just not as bad as them,” Pepper replies.

Steve can register other comments being made, but his attention has re-focused on Bucky, who is now intent on sucking a bruise on his collarbone. Bucky has tugged the neckline of his t-shirt down, giving his mouth access to that sensitive spot on Steve’s chest, the one that makes his groin throb with pleasure.

“Buck,” he gasps urgently, fingers digging into Bucky’s side. “Buck—baby, c’mon, lemme take you home, yeah? Take care of you proper, like I want to.”

“No,” Bucky murmurs, his tongue laving over the purple bruise that has started to form on Steve’s skin. “Want you now.”

Steve closes his eyes and inhales shakily, trying to reign in his deep-seated urge to fuck Bucky senseless right now. He’s hanging on by the thinnest thread of self-control, and he needs to get them out of here before they embarrass themselves any further.

“Buck, hey—Bucky,” Steve says, tangling his fingers into Bucky’s hair and yanking his head back. Bucky whines quietly, though he doesn’t fight Steve’s grip. His eyes are glazed with lust, pupils blown wide.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” Steve coos softly, stroking the knuckles of his free hand over Bucky’s cheek. “Why don’t you let me take you home and show you a real good time, yeah? Open you up real nice for my cock, give you what you want, hmm?”

Bucky’s eyes flutter shut. Steve can feel the desire practically vibrating out of his body. “Okay,” he croaks, nodding jerkily.

“Okay,” Steve agrees, loosening his grip on Bucky’s hair.

Quick as a flash, Bucky whips around, swiping the blanket from off the floor and wrapping it around his waist as he stands up, the material making his erection less obvious. “Meet ya’ downstairs, Stevie,” he says, winking at Steve cheekily before spinning on his heel and stalking off.

With no means of hiding his hard-on from his friends, Steve groans quietly, his head thumping against the back of the lazyboy as he presses the heel of his palms to his eyes. Walking down a couple of flights of stairs with a rock-solid dick is going to be difficult enough; the fact that anyone he passes will see the clear evidence of his arousal simply worsens the problem.

Steve sighs. His boyfriend is a fucking menace.

[tudorhqs]

It’s no secret nor am I ashamed to say that I haven’t been around in the last few months. Although I didn’t originally start Tudors, I did take over as a main admin this summer in the wake of both creative differences and administrative decisions. Being the only admin on board a roleplay I didn’t create terrified me. I wasn’t going to let it die, but I also couldn’t go at it alone. Solo graciously decided to join me on board and for the next few months we navigated this ship ourselves. Unfortunately, in late November I was forced to step away due to a surgery that left me inactive for the next several months. Solo has manned the roleplay essentially since then, and if not for her I am certain Tudors would have died with me. Solo has done so much for Tudors, things onlookers would have no idea about; creatively, she has been a key-player in the time jump we recently instituted, and behind the scenes she’s queued thousands of promos, answered hundreds of questions, and accepted dozens and dozens of applicants, all the while forming a limitless bond with our members in the Discord chat. I have felt so guilty being away from the dash and basically foisting the responsibility on Solo, but I also know that if not for her none of us would be able to flesh out the characters and plots we know and love today. So from all of us here at Tudors: thank you, Solo! Thank you for doing so much for the roleplay as both member and admin. You’ve done a beautiful job and we can’t wait to see what you do next! We love you! –– Xoxo, Mama Claw.

Just under a year ago I found this group and it became a solace for me, an outlet for when it has been the crappiest of days or I just needed to get out of my head for a while, but it has been so much more than just a place to play pretend and write to my heart’s content - that is the beauty of it! Tudors has become an OOC family that feels like more than just a group of writers shit posting about Henry VIII and we owe the fact that it’s still around to you, Solo. In times where life has gotten on top of one admin and another needed a well deserved break for rest, you have stepped up and helped this group to continue to grow even through times of radio silence and we simply couldn’t have done it without you. You are kind, compassionate and so welcoming to both new members and old. Sometimes I find the OOC chat to be overwhelming but I always feel assured to know that you’re always there; ready to be the first person to respond to any and every random message thrown into the group, making us all feel included and wanted. From your creativity, kindness and out of the blue messages to send memes or cry with me over SIX, I feel incredibly fortunate to know and get to write with you in a group that you have nurtured and cared for like a true mama duck! Not to mention getting to share SIX with you in May. I know I’m rambling and forgetting what words even are, but the point is that there is No Way that we could do this without you. Now, Don’t Lose Your Head, but you truly have a Heart Of Stone and it has been your dedication which has grounded us all and given us the ability to Get Down in Tudor court whenever we want. I know All You Wanna Do sometimes is ignore replies and things because they don’t always come easily but I’ll never say that I Don’t Need Your Love-ly muses because they are just as incredible as you are, each and every one of them. –– Lots of love and adoration, Bee.

Dear Solo,

In the past few months that I've been a part of Tudors, I’ve felt at home. Back in December, when I joined, I was a little wary of getting back into the rp game. Bad admins, cliques, and low activity were all still in the back of my mind, and though I was a little suspicious that Tudors would be like that, I was proved dead wrong. Thanks to you, I have always felt welcomed and appreciated as part of the group. And a big part of that is due to you. You’re always the first to like my starter, the first to respond to some shenanigan on discord, always the one to encourage character development and group bonds. You’re a fantastic admin, and I know personally how hard it is to keep up with an rp, especially one so detailed. That’s another thing: you pay attention to every little detail on the main, with other’s characters, and even our own lives. Solo, you should know that you are more than just an admin. You’re a fantastic writer, someone with a big heart and a great sense of humour, and most of all, our Mama Duck. I can’t speak for anyone else, but if Tudors ever decides to start up again, I’ll be there. Hopefully, I get the chance to write more with you. All the best in grad school! –– Lots of love, Mara.

My dearest Solo - I can't tell you enough how much I love you, and on another front, treasure you for all that you have done for Tudors. I've harped on you taking over this rp and how amazing it is for a reason. Its been a year of Tudors, but the moments I think about the most, beyond those wonderful summer days, are those when you fought tooth and nail to keep this place alive. You poured endless love and effort into Tudors, and I don't want you for a second to take it ending for the moment, as an indication of your failure. It is your light, and love, that gave us these wonderful months - that cultivated an environment of collaboration, laughter and joy. There has been no drama, only love and good times - this rp didn't begin as yours, but it will end as yours, because in the end, you gave it a level of devotion and care that is unrivaled. I am so thankful Tudors had you, as an admin, and a wonderful writer - you know much I treasure our plots, whether the lovelorn Charles and Juan, who I will never part from, or the tender relationship between Pip and Sarah - but your characters certainly don't end there. It hurts me too, to let go of Tudors - its spirit isn't gone, neither is a core of supporters and devoted members. But the love and care you put in is only respected and exemplified by a dignified hiatus!

Your pride should be endless, and I will not rest until you love the work you did. Through thick and thin, you never wavered in your efforts to give Tudors its best shot as lasting as a rp - I cannot thank you enough, for making the best rp I've seen in so long, an unforgettable time. But on a personal note - meeting you has brought so much light to my life, and I love you so fucking much. I can lose Tudors, or losing rping - but you ? My tarts are the best thing I've gotten.  I love my corn gf with each baguett-y breath I take - and with that said, I know you've got so much on your plate, and I want you to know, I am here in whatever capacity you need. We're an ocean apart, but I am never, ever, too far from you if you need me.  You are so good and sometimes I think I'm too much of a gremlin for you! You inspire me to be sweeter and great things with a warmer heart. You are talented, caring, loving, sensitive to those around you, and ferocious in your devotion. Thank you Soleen, thank you corn gf, thank you Solo –– Suki

–– Much love, Admin Claw.

[hazyheel]

WWE Super Showdown 2019 Review

Right as the show was starting, the announcer accidentally said Saudi Arabia, so now the mystery of where this was being held is solved. The stage looked super great, and opened with a huge pyro display. They definitely poured money into this show. Also, the crowd was actually allowed to sit ringside this time, so the crowd actually looked excited during the show. 

First match of the night was Seth Rollins vs. Baron Corbin for the Universal Championship, definitely an odd choice to start the night. They felt each other out a bit, but it didn’t take long for Corbin to focus on the ribs. Rollins fought back into it, hitting two consecutive dives. When Rollins tried to go for it a third time, Corbin caught him with an uppercut. Corbin also yelled at the ref basically every time there was a near fall. Corbin went for his run around the ringpost into the clothesline, but Rollins countered with a huge back elbow. Corbin then grabbed a chair, but the ref convinced him to drop it. Corbin yelled at the ref again, but this time the ref shouted back, which startled Corbin enough for Rollins to get a rollup.

After the match, Corbin laid out Rollins with an end of days, and Brock Lesnar came out. He was armed with a chair. Lesnar was going to beat him with the chair, but Rollins nailed him with a low blow, and then beat him with the chair for a while. In the end, Rollins curb stomped him onto the briefcase, and walked away.

Grade: C+. The match sucked, because Rollins needed a ref’s help to beat Corbin of all people. But I enjoyed the brawl afterwards, but not quite enough for this to be on the positive side. Rollins didn’t have enough offense here to actually make this a good match. Corbin just controlled the match until Rollins lucked into a win. I liked this as a way to kinda pay off the odd story of Brock wanting the match at Super Showdown, and it got Brock on the card. 

Then we had Andrade vs. Finn Balor for the Intercontinental Championship. Zelina Vega was not there, and it really felt like his entrance was missing something without her. Balor did have the Demon makeup on, as well as some ghouls for this entrance. That entrance lasted like, 4 minutes too. The two started off the match with quick counters and strikes. Andrade actually was able to hit three amigos, which never happens. Everyone always slips out of the third. At one point, Andrade tried to put Balor down with several strikes, but it just fired the Demon up. He eventually went down with a handspring kick. At another point, Balor hit a scary looking double stomp to the back of Andrade’s head. Andrade hit the hammerlock DDT, but Balor kicked out, and no one cared. Balor fought back into it with a powerbomb, but Andrade climbed up to stop him. Balor then hit a leaping DDT off the top rope, taking Andrade down with him, and then hit the coup de gras for the win. 

Grade: B-. There were some fun bits to this match, like that leaping DDT and the part where Balor was no selling strikes. But this never really got off the ground floor. The crowd wasn’t very into it, and it didn’t seem like they put the extra effort in. All of that along with the fact that the demon makeup doesn’t actually change anything about Balor. It was largely disappointing, but still a fine match. The sad part is that this was my match of the night.

Backstage, Miz talked about how he wanted to win the Battle Royal. Jinder also said that. Cool.

Then we had Roman Reigns vs. Shane McMahon. Shane even brought his old World Cup trophy from crown jewel, so that was fun. Drew Mcintyre had his own special entrance as well like he was a separate competitor. Roman got a shit ton of pyro for his entrance. McIntyre got involved early on, first distracting Reigns, and then attacking him on the outside. At one point, Roman went for a superman punch and Shane caught him with a chop block to the leg in midair. Roman was eventually able to fight back into the match after a triangle hold, drilling McIntyre with a superman punch on the outside. As Roman got back in, Shane kicked the second rope for a low blow, and then speared Reigns. Shane went up for a coast to coast, and Roman put a stop to that with a superman punch. Shane and Reigns traded some blows, and Shane fell back into the ref. McIntyre then ran in for a huge claymore, and Shane pinned Reigns.

Grade: D. So Shane kinda deserves a title shot soon, right? This is his third pay per few win in a row, so he will probably challenge Kofi for the WWE Championship soon. He should at least. Anyway, this was a stinker. I didn’t care the second the bell rang, and Roman didn’t really get enough offense. Shane definitely shouldn’t have won here, he needs to lose soon. Shane’s heel turn was really good during the feud with the Miz, but he is now insufferable. I just hated this match, and I have grown to really hate Shane. 

Then we had Byron Saxton interviewing Kofi Kingston backstage about his concern over the Dolph Ziggler match, and Kingston said that this match was to prove that he is a great champion. 

Out next was the Lucha House Party for the handicap match against Lars Sullivan. Lars was quickly bloodied in the mouth as he beat down all of his opponents. Gran Metalik was able to get in some offense, allowing his partners to get in a few hits as well, but Sullivan quickly shut it down. At one point, Sullivan went to the top rope, and the Lucha Hosue Party collectively pushed him off. All three guys beat him down, causing a DQ. They beat him into the ground as a unit, but he quickly got up as they ran away.  He followed them, and ended up getting the last laugh by kicking their asses on the ramp. 

Grade: F. This was lame and bad. I really didn’t care, and Sullivan didn’t look dominant in really any way. The DQ finish was unnecessary, Sullivan should’ve just won here. I really didn’t expect much from this match, but it didn’t even meet those low expectations. 

Then we had Triple H vs. Randy Orton. The video package was awesome. Trips reused his motorcycle from last year’s wrestlemania for the entrance. I didn’t think it was particularly cool, and I thought it even less so when Michael Cole called it bad ass. They kinda felt each other out early on, just exchanging some submissions back and forth. Both went for their finishers, but were both able to struggle out of the set ups. Triple H worked over the arm quite a bit during the match, for no reason in particular. This match was pretty slow with very meticulous attacks on various body parts. At one point, Orton countered out of a pedigree and hit an RKO, but Triple H kicked out. Orton was so frustrated that he set up for the punt, only for Trips to block it and hit the pedigree, but Orton kicked out. At one point in the match, Trips body dropped Orton onto the announce table four times, but the table didn’t break. I don’t know if that was the intention, but it was a weird move to do four times. Trips then went for the punt himself, and Orton caught him in the RKO for the win.

Grade: C. I thought this match was really slow, and while they seemed very comfortable with each other, this match didn’t have much of a style. They beat each other up a bit, Trips attacked the arm, but it didn’t feel like a brawl. Outside of the finishers, I didn’t really care about this match, and that is never a feeling you want to come away with. 

Then we had a quick recap of the 24/7 title stuff that happened during the airplane ride. It was pretty funny. They also referred to the plane as a 747, so I dunno if that was some sort of product placement by Boeing, but it was odd, because they have had a lot of bad press right now.

Then Byron Saxton was backstage, and Corbin came up and said that a ref cost him his title shot. And I kinda agreed with him when he went on his little rant, it really was the ref’s fault. 

Into the battle of the beasts: Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman. They started off with a New Japan style test of strength, before rolling around and showing their agility. Lashley quickly nailed Strowman with a running powerslam for a near fall early on. After a pretty fast start, things slowed down quite a bit with emphasis on power moves. At one point, Lashley hit Strowman with a vertical suplex on the stage, rolling him back in the ring for a near fall. Strowman quickly fought back into things by throwing Lashley off the top rope and hitting two running powerslams for the win. 

Grade: B-. This match started very promising with some very agile movement from both men, but it quickly slowed into the classic WWE big man match. It was slow and the power moves weren’t overly impressive. Strowman makes sense, but I have no idea what he is building towards. Both he and Lashley feel lost in the shuffle right now. 

Ali talked about how he wanted to win the Battle Royal because he wants to inspire the people of the middle east, showing them that he could fight through adversity, and that they can do the same. It was genuinely a powerful promo for how short it was, and this actually made sense for him to say. Also, Samoa Joe said something about winning, and it wasn’t nearly as good.

Then we had Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston for the WWE Championship. It was nice to see the WWE Championship be defended in a top slot on a pay per view card. It wasn’t the main event, but It was the last championship that was defended, so that is good enough for me. Michael Cole even called in the most important championshiop in the world today, which is funny considering that the Universal championship was defended earlier on the same card. Ziggler was all over Kingston early on in this match, wearing him down with submissions, strikes and lots of pins. Ziggler didn’t seem to target any body part in particular, but he did rake the eyes a lot, so I guess he was working the eyes? Is that a thing? I dunno.The two had an exciting rollup sequence. At one point, Kofi went for the trust fall to the floor, but Ziggler didn’t catch him all that well, so Kofi’s lower back really nailed the floor. Ziggler then started to work the back a bit, and even superkicked Xavier Woods when he tried to check on Kingston. That fired up Kofi, who threw Ziggler back into the right. They brawled a bit, and Kingston pushed Ziggler into the ropes, allowing Woods to nail an ensiguri, behind the ref’s back, and Kingston hit the trouble in paradise for the win.

Grade: B-. Even this didn’t really do it for me, although it was a good match. Ziggler’s selling was on point during this match, as it always is, and the kids in the crowd were hot for Kingston. But the match never really kicked into second gear here, and it was shockingly short. Also, I didn’t think that the interference was really necessary. It was a very heel spot, which almost made me think there would be a double turn. 

Backstage, Ziggler talked to Byron Saxton backstage, saying that he was a cheater and a coward. Saxton tried to say that he deserved it, but Ziggler said that he would’ve won without interference. Ziggler said that he wanted Kofi in a Steel Cage match. So this feud will go on, and I couldn’t say that I disagree with Ziggler here. Kingston did cheat, and I don’t think that he deserved it. Weird to see the heel ask for a cage match to keep people from interfering on the face’s behalf.

Then they had a cute segment of a bunch of fans who were excited to see the show. They said things like it isn’t hotter than the WWE, that this would be the best show in the world, and that nothing would stop them from watching. It was sweet, and as much as I oppose these shows going on in Saudi Arabia, I’m glad that the fans get to experience the show live. That is the one silver lining in all of this. 

Then we had the 50 man battle royal. First a bunch of people came out in a pack, including Xavier Woods, who looked dead at the camera and said, “That’s right, I came right back out here!” A couple people had special entrances, like Miz, and Samoa Joe. Cesaro came out in shorts rather than the usual trunks. Titus O’Neil got a special entrance, and there was a pop when he didn’t trip. Elias took shots at everyone who was in the match, and right when he was done, Miz threw him into the ring and the match started. I’ll just hit the fun eliminations, like the Singh Brothers who were surfing on top of everyone and were just thrown out. Tony Nese was eliminated, and they just casually mentioned that he was the cruiserweight champion, which really sucks. The commentators didn’t really know what to talk about, so they just talked about the heat. There was a cool moment where the Viking Raiders, AOP and Heavy Machinery all squared off, nice to see Akam back from injury. Titus hid underneath the ring, and had a weird moment where he dominated for a while. What the hell was that about? is he like, super over in Saudi Arabia? No disrespect to Titus, but he isn’t that big of a star. He eliminated both of the Viking Raiders, so maybe he will get a push. He was eliminated by Shelton Benjamin with a high knee. Zach Ryder saved Curt Hawkins from elimination by Samoa Joe, only for him to eliminate both of the tag champs. They vaguely mentioned Monsoor being in the match, which was also weird because he was recruited before the Greatest Royal Rumble last year, and is from Saudi Arabia. Rowan ran wild a bit, but was eliminated by a shower of superkicks from the Usos. Matt Hardy gave both of the Revival a twist of fate and eliminated them. The best elimination was when Cesaro gave Cedric Alexander a big swing, and then monkey flipped him out of the ring. As Shinsuke hit Sin Cara with a Kinshasa, Corey Graves tried to shout it excitedly, only for his voice to shit out, and Renee and Michael made fun of him on commentary. Ricochet and Ali worked together to fight the heels a bit, and they would be a fun tag team if they need one. They even worked together to eliminate Samoa Joe. The final two were Elias and Monsoor, and just then the Saudi Arabia crowd realized that he was in the match, and they came alive. The was nearly eliminated but skinned the cat, and back body dropped Elias over the top rope to win it. 

After the match, Byron Saxton interviewed Monsoor, who looked so happy to have this moment. He talked about the importance of the moment, and how just one year ago he was only a prospect, and now he represents his country in the WWE. The crowd showered him with a you deserve it chant, and he said that his dream came true. He spoke some Arabic, and the crowd popped huge, had they had some pyro for him. It was really nice, and some people in the crowd were even crying.

Grade: C+. This was about as good as a normal battle royal, it just took longer for exciting things to happen. Not too many spot that I loved, but it was still fun. I don’t know how the hell R-Truth wasn’t even in the match, like why wouldn’t they have some fun 24/7 shenanagins in this match. But I loved the ending stretch between Elias and Monsoor, and the crowd was so hot for him that it was tough to not feel anything for the moment. I’m glad they got to see their hometown boy Monsoor bring home the win in the biggest battle royal in history. Still, it was only a battle royal, so I don’t think it was that great of a match. I bumped it up 2 grades for the nice moment and hot crowd in the end. 

And in the main event, we had Undertaker vs. Goldberg. Goldberg botched his entrance coming in, only doing the kick for the pyro rather than the whole punch and kick combination, which was also completely off beat. So there was four shots of pyro, but only one kick that happened like 5 seconds before the first pyro. Taker had druids out for his entrance, with flames spouting up during the entrance. The commentators made this a very WCW vs. WWF match, but it wasn’t dominating the entire story. They also just made sure that we knew it was a dream match. Goldberg and Taker started with a staredown, and Taker punched Goldberg right in the face, which prompted Goldberg to hit a pair of spears for a near fall. So after that hot opening, we then had Goldberg, the destroyer and king of 3 minute matches, lock in a kneebar. After they got out, Taker dodged a shoulder block, so Goldberg went through the ropes and into the post, and it smacked him right in the head, so he was bleeding a lot. Take hit a tombstone, and Goldberg definitely hit the mat with his head, still only a two count. Renee said that there was an eerie quiet in the arena, and all I could think was that there had been an eerie quiet the entire event. Goldberg hit yet another spear as Taker went for a big boot, and nailed a horribly botched jackhammer, where Taker landed right on his head. Taker still kicked out. Goldberg then tried to hit a tombstone, but they messed that up bad. Taker then hit a chokeslam for an abrupt win. 

Grade: D+. I am not the kind of reviewer that times matches, but I looked this one up. 8:44. That is a long Goldberg match, and at this stage its a long Taker match too. But they wanted to get all their shit in, but it went down terribly. I don’t know what happened to Goldberg, but he was not the same after getting posted. I hope he doesn’t have a concussion, but the Tombstone certainly didn’t help. Taker could have died on that botched jackhammer too, but thankfully is okay and still walking. I guess I am giving this a relatively good grade, because it was still a cool sight to see them, and those first two spears were exciting.

Overall Grade: C

Grade Adjusted for Blood money: F 

Predictions: 7/9. 

Pros: before the show, the Saudi Arabian fans were super excited; the fans popped huge for Monsoor’s battle royal win

Cons: Shane vs. Reigns; handicap match; trips vs. orton; taker vs. goldberg; the fact that i actually had to watch this show over three days because of how bad it was.

Also, my apologies for not reviewing the Usos vs. Revival match. I didn’t know that there was a pre show match until after I started watching, so I figured that I would watch it at the end. But it is now Sunday, and after three days of this god awful show, I need to watch Dominion as quickly as possible.

[ralfstrashcan]

3x09 Reaction / Commentary

I loved that Opening Scene, it was appropriately dramatic and the music fit perfectly..... but I wouldn't be me if I didn't have some questions.

1) Why is Clary's braid so on fleek? Because those jailers were totally ripping at her hair and didn't seem to care if the result looked good.

2) Don't think I missed the obvious way the jailers where avoiding her runes while washing her skin, lol. They probably would have come off if scrubbed with a scrubber.

3) Did Clary come too late to that public mass execution, like some naughty school kid?? Because everyone else was there already. Did they start without her? lol

4) Why do they get to wear those fancy red robes when they are burned to death literally five minutes after? Isn't that a total waste? Also, those robes aren't uni sized, they are perfectly tailored. Who made them?? No wonder they can only hold those trial day thingies once a month, they're probably busy preparing clothes the rest of the month.... or do they have those robes at the ready for every Shadowhunter, like, at the same time that you get your Rune Ceremony they prepare a High Treason Execution Robe in case they have to off you at some point??

5) What would they have done if his corpse fell down the stairs instead of artfully to the side?

6) Seriously, can we take a moment to appreciate how truly savage Shadowhunters are. Because it's kinda shocking and very fitting.

Okay but since when does super duper ultra dead mean turning into salt? Did I miss something?

Oh my they actually address that in the book! I'm impressed... not least because of that fancy-ass bookmark. Where can I buy that?

Also is this supposed to imply that Cain was a Dayligher, as in a Vampire? I'd say I need answers, but I really don't.

Considering Simon's whiplash-y behavior this Season it's probably a toss up what he'll anwer.

Btw Simon's reaction to Kyle offering to get him blood is exactly the reason why I thought it would be counterproductive if he stayed on Simon's case and why it should consequentally be his decision if he wants Kyle to stay: He was honestly gonna walk through town in starved state? Reckless much? And all because he doesn't want to accept Kyle's help.

I mean, I totally approve of Izzy's cleavage, but why does her Angelic Rune keep wandering upwards? That's a little unsettling and bothers me, I'll be honest.

For a second there I was confused because why would Magnus need his own permission.. then I remembered. And honestly, I cheered, because I kinda missed Lorenzo and his slick hairdo and I've been excited to see him again since I caught a glance of him

in the Season Finale Promo.

Man, if it's dark already does that mean they've been at it with the executions all day?? What even. How many traiters do they have on a monthly basis?? Kinda disconcerting if you ask me.

OMG IRIS!! What a pleasant surprise!! I honestly thought we'd never see her again and up until this very second I didn't even care. But now I'm really happy she's there! Absence does make the heart grow fonder, it seems :) ................also does that mean that since 2x08 less than a month passed?? Because they hold them monthly and incinerate everyone who's there? I'm confused.

Wtf Jia, what even. I was starting to like you, and then you go and abuse your power like that. So uncool. And if Iris's execution was moved up does that mean it's been more than a month since 2x08?? Such confusion.

Okay, honestly I wasn't that surprised that Heidi was in the bag, but she was clearly conscious when Jace took her out and that begs the question why she was so inactive while in the bag. Shouldn't it be super easy for her to rip the bag apart since she's a Vampire??

Okay but isn't blabbing that out in front of Silent Brothers and other prisoners totally indiscreet? Like, Jia moved Iris's execution up partly so she couldn't spill, right? (Or just because she was angry Iris didn't do her bidding? I mean if Iris is gonna die anyway that's not really a good punishment, is it?) What if the Silent Brother says “Yo, no, no creepy ressurection necromancy magic on my watch”? What even is the hierarchy between the Clave and the Silent Bros?

LOVE the fact that Valentine is chained to the cot even though he's still dead.

Whaaaaaaaaaaat I don't understand. Does she mean “I'm more powerful than the angel” or “I want Valentine back alive”??

So I guess Luke doesn't have a pack anymore? Well, this was a long time coming. Considering that he even challenged the previous alpha back in 1x05 to save Clary it is consistent that he puts Clary first. And honestly, it's understandable on a personal level because he's been looking out for Clary for 18 years now and before 1x06 he was kind of the underdog of the pack (pun not intended). Still, he's once again slinking his alpha-duties. For the last time now, I guess????? Tho how will a new alpha acquire alpha powers? I thought you get them through killing the previous alpha????

The way he spat out that glob gave me serious chills. Awesome.

Okay but why do they have security cams in the morgue, what the hell man. Then again they have several security cams per dorm back at the NY Institute, too, so there's that. I guess the only mercy was that they didn't have security cams in Val's grave too, lol.

YASS I love Negotiation!Alec, please three Seasons of this verbal sparring and covert threats, oh hell yeah I'm a goner.

Simon using Luke's steak trick from can't-find-x-the-episode warms my heart, I'll admit that.

OMG THE FACT THAT LILITH GAVE HER A MAKE OVER

Dude, Heidi really has no mercy putting that tape on their hair, like it hurts just watching this.

Also, why did Lilith stint on Heidi's make-up?? Rude.

My heart breaks so much for Jonathan right now, maybe now he'll stop being a daddy's boy and give Lilith a chance to demonstrate her parenting skills??

O M GGGGG WHAT AwEsOmE I'M DEAD

Clary, smartly manipulating Valentine into doing what she wants from him, I like.

Pretentious Quill, I approve.

I have sooooooo many questions about that list.

1) Why are there so many (as good as) dead people on it? Ragnor won't be any help from the grave, I'm assuming Elias is the same Elias who was killed off in 1x04, and Iris is currently residing in a death cell (and even if she wasn't, why would Magnus even ask her for help after he extradited her to the Clave? She probably wouldn't help him even if she could.) And god knows where Dot's at at the moment.

2) Why are Cat and Ragnor so low on that list, like seriously?! Also, why would Magnus write their full names, I mean surely he'd use abbreviations?? Or at least leave out their last names, c'mon.

3) Those weren't instructions, those were two lines and the one you could read was “I need your help!”

4) Also, I can hardly believe the person who wrote the list in a super elaborate and twirly hand is the same person that wrote those notes, and even if I assume for a moment that Magnus wrote both.... why the hell would he put so much effort into the list and scribble the pleas for help? Shouldn't it be the other way around??

5) Why did he cross Dot off the list when the note he just sent was clearly addressed to Elias?! Who is still dead!?!

.......it seems the stress is getting to you, Magnus.

(Also, mass texts would have been much faster. Just sayin'. Dramatic warlocks, refusing to use smartphones and hindering swift communication.)

Putting the kid under your care first, I dig that. And I dig Magnus recognizing this for what it is and not acting as if Cat is deserting him, because she isn't.

WHAAAA ARE LORENZO AND MAGNUS GONNA FIGHT SIGN ME THE F UP

Izzy hating on Kyle is kinda rude because faulting him for not protecting Simon, okayyyy, if needs must (even though Kyle's job is actually to protect people from Simon, not the other way around, but whatever...) but blaming him for Heidi's escape? What? He wasn't even at the Praetor Facility?! That's totally not his job?? Seriously?

Capable Elaine, oooohhh I dig that a lot!! Why is everyone so capable in this Episode, it's awesome!!

When I saw that red fletching on the arrow I was sooo convinced that the guard is really Alec, why else would his face be obscured?!?!?! But sadly I was mistaken.

Clear Case of “Spirits that I've cited my commands ignore” hahaha awesome.

Seriously, they were so active just moments ago, why are they staring now and not acting?! :( I mean, strike while you have the chance.

I'm wondering if that's a very subtle allusion to Lorenzo's Warlock Mark.

OKAY IT PROBABLY IS?!?!?! Oh man, those Warlocks. Insulting each other's Marks. Now I'm just thinking of

Also, say what you want about Lorenzo

but he's damn smooth. I love that in an antagonist.

Yeah, I don't want to say Lorenzo is right, but he kinda is. Magnus's impulsiveness is the number one source for most of his bad decisions. It's one of the things I love so much about his character. Even though he's centuries old he's never quite settled down into tranquility. He's like a stormy sea, unpredictable and wild.

Soooo I totally loved their fight scene. I enjoyed it way more than the one with Iris in 2x08 because a) I can't forgive that terrible cut with the broken bookshelf and b) Iris was intent to flee, so even though the magic ball throwing was nice it wasn't a close ranged fight.

There were some details in this fight that I really loved

1) Lorenzo stealing Magnus's magic and using it against him.

That's a fascinating thing because does that mean magic is just energy that can be hijacked by anyone capable? Doesn't it have a personal touch, like 'my' magic would never hurt 'me'? So many questions

2) This

I totally love it because it makes so much sense, like a warlock is a magical person, they're not just magical hands. Of course it's probably easiest to channel magic through the hands, but just because it's easiest doesn't mean it's the only possibility. And honestly, Magnus would totally be the kind of person to learn channeling magic through different parts of his body because it's super cool and can totally come in handy (yeah dumb pun totally intended). The only problem I have is.... if Magnus didn't pick up this skill very recently, why was he ever overpowered by someone grabbing his hands (1x13, 2x10)? Because that irked me then, and now even more because now I know it was really bull? I can kinda forgive it because this is now and the other stuff was earlier and I don't expect show writers to know what they'll write in one or two seasons but a) shouldn't you be aware of what your character can do, like, does he have a certain skill y/n regardless of whether he uses it on-screen or not and b) I really hope this skill Magnus apparently has isn't forgotten and there won't be a situation where he could use it to gain an advantage and just... doesn't.

The Oh-shit-what-did-I-just-do-Face.

First I was really confused why Lorenzo was running for the hills because Magnus just screwed up and could easily be brought before Warlock Justice or whatever they have for insubordinate subordinates, but then I realized... he's probably scared of Magnus, and a coward.

FunFact: I tried getting a pic of his retreating back but he just kinda...

awkward-slides out of the frame.

I can really credit that Simon was trying to get Heidi to lash out, like wow, even he is capable this episode, I'm so happy.

Oooh Luke on his way to his suicide mission be capable.

NINJA STARS SIGN ME THE F UP I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!

That Silent Bro could have put up more of a fight. Aren’t they supposed to be super badass?

The best plan would actually be to kill them all and bring them back with the Necromancy Rune... then again, we only ever see Clary use her new runes, so that kinda begs the question if she's the only one able to use them. That doesn't really make sense to me, but it's the only reason I can think of why literally nobody besides her uses them. Especially that Portal Rune is hella fine, so yeah. But it's never really addressed, so this is just speculation on my part.

I love that it's so relatable and wonderfully acted why Magnus changes his mind. I mean, not even half a day ago when talking to Cat he said he'd never go to his father, but this change of heart doesn't seem whimsical because this scene greatly conveys his feelings that lead to this decision.

I love the Simon&Izzy friendship (and would wish for it to remain just a friendship).

So I guess that's the explanation where all of Val's Circle Members disappeared to. I feel a little cheated out of this fight. And this could have been avoided if they had done the kill-Necromancy-Rune-thing. Also, if they could have managed to get just one stele from one of the guards they could have freed Iris and compelled her to open a portal for them. I mean, sure, she didn't want to resurrect Valentine, so she probably wouldn't want to help him escape but a) Jia probably didn't offer her her freedom in return for her services and b) with the prospect of seeing Madzie again I could imagine Iris seizing the chance, thinking she can trick Valentine and escape alone. I would have loved to see something like this, especially because it isn't really resolved here if Iris is still alive. Until I see proof of the contrary I'll assume she's alive and I really hope to see more of her because she's an interesting character.

Also, those are the same lamps as in that other Clave building thing, so they probably had one interior designer for the whole of Idris? Lol?

Yeah, Val, it's no wonder the door doesn't open if you try to unlock it with a Foresight Rune. This seems to run in the family tho, because in 3x05 Jace does the exact same thing.... except that his rune works. Lol, fail Valentine.

Yeah, on that note..... did she succeed? Is Jia still alive to conveniently pardon Clary at some point in the future?

First I wanted to yell at her because she could easily create a portal, she'd just have to nick a stele from one of the bodies.... and then I realized......... she was tricking Valentine. And I was stunned. Even Clary behaving capable, like, is it Christmas?????? Sure feels like it!!!!!!!!!!

......shall I start calling you Garret Jacob Hobbs? Because I will.

I love that. It fits the fanatical streak of this character perfectly. I read a really, really great post about this once, it is here and you should definitely check it out. I don't agree with everything, but there are some really interesting aspects in there.

So I'm a li'l confused because Val was still obviously breathing and I'm not sure if that is because Alan van Sprang couldn't hold his breath or because he's not really dead lol.

.......then a rib is the way to go, I guess. Seriously, why not just say bone or something?

WHAT A DAMN GREAT CLIFFIE

Bonus:

It seems blood starvation gives Vampires really weird Hannibal-esque visions.....?

(Playground Insults Pic is from here, Magnus and Lorenzo’s fight gifs are from here)