#this is my first time doing any sort of character analysis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notquitecanon · 10 months

Text

Insufferably Admirable // Astarion x Reader

Summary: After a restful day turns into a bloody night, your unspoken yet painfully obvious dedication to Astarion has put you in what should be a harder choice. Once Astarion realizes just how far you'd go for him, he has to begin to confront the feelings and realizations he's been ignoring for a while. OR that time You figured out the most effective way to heal a vampire and Astarion got emotional about it

Set at the end of Act 1, but not quite act two. Pre-confession but it's obvious they have some sort of feelings for each other

TW: canon typical violence, blood & blood drinking(obvi this is an Astarion fic), no use of Tav or (Y/N), one use of technical self harm (c*tting) but not in a self mutilation way??, mentions of manipulation obvi, reader might be a little too willing to help (totally not be projecting what???)

this is my first time writing anything for Astarion after hyper fixating on him for a month so please be gentle. I know it's a bit all over the place. (yes I could have completely left out the first half, but there isn't much actual dialogue in the second half and I like to put this guy in situations)

"Remind me again why you insisted on coming with me? I figured you’d be ripe for a day to lay around camp and let us do all the heavy lifting." You grumbled, scanning the crowded streets for a merchant. The goal was simple: get to the nearest village, sell off the extra weight, use the gold to stock the necessary supplies, and whatever the gold couldn’t buy… well, acquire it by any means necessary. No matter your path, through the shadows or the Underdark, you'd need to be prepared.

Gale had gone to pilfer for useful scrolls and maybe an enchanted item to snack on. Lae’zel and Shadowheart to a blacksmith for specialty arrows, useful armor, and any other weapons that caught their eyes. Karlach had carried the two trunks and barrel of items you had collected from your adventure thus far, finding you a wheelbarrow before heading back to camp to help Wyll with his preparations. Halsin… had taken his wild form and disappeared into the forest. Originally, you had intended to do your tasks alone, until-

"My dear, I’m always ripe for a lay." Astarion twisted your words with a smirk, easily dodging the hand that reached to swat his chest. With a short laugh, he answered your question, his theatrics only increasing to more you argued, "To begin with, Someone- my fabulous self- had to make sure you didn’t get the whole group wrapped up in another laundry list of side quests- who knows what trouble you could have found if you were left all by your lonesome? A gnoll den? A kraken in the pond? an old woman’s wagon with a broken wheel? a kitten up a tree? An orphanage with a leaky roof? Another cult for us to dismantle? Another temple to drop on me? Where would it end? You’re incapable of turning people away, it’s one of your insufferably admirable qualities."

"It’s called being kind, you dramatic elf." You grumbled, not prepared for the in depth analysis of your character. Trying not to focus so much on the fact he’d called something about you admirable.

"Second, knowing you, you’d sell all this off and still manage to come back to camp with them full. Honestly, pet, how have you managed to collect this much junk? You don’t even have a bag of holding." Astarion scoffed, using a single pale finger to peek under the lid of the barrel. It was just barely containing the countless daggers, goblin bows, pairs of leather armors, and dusty sandals. Your cheeks burned hot- maybe you had a habit of being overzealous in how eagerly you pilfered through all the crates you came across, checking bodies for anything valuable, and demanding the vampire to pick every locked chest the party uncovered. Hells only knew the thrill you got when you would find a buried chest.

"You never know when you might need something!" You reasoned, but swatted him away to hastily shut the barrel before the contents could spill out. It had taken you the better part of the night to pack it full of all the things your companions had convinced you to get rid of. The pale elf rolled his eyes, brushing past you so gracefully you didn’t feel his fingers in your pocket.

"Really, my sweet? When, pray tell, might we need the collection of rusty necklaces you’ve amassed." Astarion held the bronze and silver necklaces up to the light, the red and blue stones sparkling despite the rust. His voice always like velvet, ruby eyes alight with teasing, "Far be it from me to criminalize accessorizing, but that darling neck of yours is tempting enough already."

"Astarion!" You cringed, hearing your voice almost whine. Damn him for having that effect, so you cleared your throat as you snatched the jewelry back, "They are useful when we can sell them for gold."

Astarion, having gotten the reaction he wanted, let you shove the necklaces back in a pocket before glaring at him, though it didn’t hold much actual malice, "Well, come on then, let’s sell the sandals for all the riches the village has to offer us."

—

An afternoon later, you were smiling smugly as you watched Astarion grumble. Between all the goods and six different merchants, you were leaving with an additional 9,000 in gold, not to mention the additional 3,000 Astarion had managed to pickpocket while you bartered, and the items the two of you had managed to swipe. You felt particularly vindicated as he complained about the weight of the coins in his pack.

"I’ll buy you something pretty in Baldur’s Gate." You cooed teasingly, to ‘appease’ him. Astarion spared you a deadpan glance before standing to leave, only making you giggle all the more, "Let’s get back to camp."

Astarion caught your eyes once more, scowl softening out at the sight of your bright smile. He was just about to say something sickeningly sweet and perhaps more than a touch vulgar when his eyes flitted up to something, pointed ears twitching at something you couldn’t quite hear. Until you could.

The door of the jeweler you had swindled burst open, a strangled voice shrieking, "THIEVES! SOMEONE CATCH THEM!"

Astarion must have been rubbing off on you, because for a moment you tried to feign confusion, looking around for the ‘culprits’ as if the dwarf wasn’t pointing directly at you. Not that it did much good as several passerbys began to circle around the two of you.

"Everyone’s so touchy about their personal belongings these days." The rogue scoffed. Astarion grabbed your wrist and tugged you to him, so that your back was pressed to his and no one could sneak up on you. In his other hand, a dagger had already appeared.

You sighed in defeat, taking your bow off your back, "No killing."

"No promises."

Compared to the goblin camp or fighting through the githyanki creche, disarming and incapacitating untrained townspeople and barely trained guards was barely a warm up. Still, Astarion never left your side, an increasingly common occurrence when you found yourself in tight situations. Together, it didn’t take long to put distance between yourselves and your attackers, managing to get far enough to escape to the fight. Deflecting one last blow as the two of you passed by an open tavern, you incapacitated a rather pitiful guard with a blunt thunk from the pommel of your dagger. Taking one relieved breath, you tried not to focus too much of the trail of bleeding, unconscious bodies you and the rogue had left behind in your escape attempt.

"Best we stick to the shadows before we attract more attention." Astarion mused with a cruel smirk, grabbing your sleeve and using it to wipe the blood off the corner of his mouth, his fangs glinting in the afternoon sun. The rogue only chuckled at your curses, giving some inane quip about the crime of dirtying his ensemble and how blood someone always looked better on you, "Now, believe what I said about you finding trouble? Back to camp before you find more."

Before you could wrench your arm back or remind him that he was the only who got caught stealing, he pulled you off the main road into the alley adjacent- unaware of the attention that had already been attracted from inside the tavern.

____

Ambushed in the night.

A whole hunting party of Gur hunters. Willing to purge your party as they slept.

And they were calling Astarion the monster. Fortunately, Scratch was an excellent guard dog. Waking the entire camp when the hunters tried to creep where you slept. Just as fortunately, there wasn’t a soul in camp that didn’t sleep without at least a dagger under their pillow.

Your camp had become a bloodbath in the dim glow of the campfire. You had used the book you had fallen asleep reading as an improvised weapon, throwing it so hard it broke the first hunter’s nose. Lae’zel was single handedly mowing through three hunter with her long sword. Spells and incantations sent flashes of light from Gale and Shadowheart’s part of camp, and fire and brimstone lit up Karlach’s. There was yelling and cursing echoing in the cool night air, orders to take the vampire spawn alive and to kill the rest.

And Astarion? Their target?

He was where he always was during a fight these days. Right beside you, like a pale, snarky shadow. He had been the one to press your sword into your hand so you’d have more than just your dagger. With him, you slashed and sliced anything that came near. Until the bastard appeared out of no where, squeezing in between you and the rogue. You would have applauded (more likely cursed) the near perfect use of an invisibility charm- had it not been for the poison-dipped stake raised against Astarion.

This hunter was different, you could see it in his eyes. They were somehow devoid of life and yet also simmering with rage as they trained on your snow haired companion. This hunter didn’t plan to take Astarion back to Baldur’s Gate, not alive at least. He didn’t care about whatever orders they had, or what consequences would come for disobeying them. He only cared about driving the stake into Astarion’s heart.

Astarion’s eyes went wide as well at the sight of the stake, realizing as you did that this was no longer just a kidnapping, it would be an assassination. Your thundering heart stuttered, blood going supernova in your veins before freezing to ice as your mind whirled through a hundred different possibilities and also went blank. Your own opponent, along with years of learned strategy, were instantly forgotten as blind instinct took over. Every ounce of strength and speed you had was directed into a desperate lunge. In your desperation, you really weren’t sure if your goal was to tackle the hunter, grab his arm, tackle Astarion, or maybe even take the stake to your chest instead- you decided to choose along the way, as long as it ended with Astarion alive(ish) and well.

You managed to close the distance, one hand planted firmly to Astarion’s chest shoving him further and the other clamping onto the leather of the hunter’s gauntlet, the same arm poising the stake. With a feral sounding shriek, you pushed his arm so his aim was off. At the same time, your original opponent, frustrated at being forgotten, cast a wave of thunder that sent all three of you flying.

Astarion, the Gur, and you flew backwards a good fifteen feet, the thunder shaking you to your very bones and splitting your ears. The breath was knocked out of you so hard you thought your poor lungs might collapse and you weren’t able to tell if it was the spell or the impact that did it. You didn’t have time to contemplate, the moment you were able, you scrambled onto your knees. With the same feral tenacity from earlier, you grabbed the hunter by the front of his leather armor, nails leaving scarily deep tracks as you hauled him off your vampiric companion. With your new opponent, you rolled both your bodies until you were on top of him, knee to his chest. Seeing the look in your eyes, the rage left his own, pure survival instinct taking over. You didn’t even feel the sting of the slicing blow across your shoulder, too consumed with a singular mission. It was Astarion’s dagger you had snatched from the ground on the way that delivered the quick death blow. Halsin, in bear form, had appeared out of the tree line and took care of your other thunderous hunter, taking a defensive position around you and Astarion with a goading roar. You expected to hear something from Astarion- a snarky comment about your lack of technique, a snide remark about his assailant, or even just a stream of petty curses- but he was silent. You turned back to him, only to have dread flood every cell in your body.

Nothing else mattered anymore, not the fight, not your injuries, and especially not your forgotten original hunter. Halsin, in bear form, had appeared out of the tree line and took care of your other thunderous hunter, taking a defensive position around you and Astarion with a goading roar. You barely noticed.

The moment you’d disposed of Astarion’s assailant, you were scrambling back towards the rogue, who was laying all too still. At first, you hesitated to even touch him as if that might make it worse. You called his name once, and then again when you were able to gingerly lay hands on him- one hand to his chest and the other pushing some curls out of his eyes. The stake, what should have been an almost useless weapon against anyone else, was still buried in his chest, piercing his favorite frilled collar shirt.

"No… Astarion-" Your voice was breaking, thick and raw. Your eyes couldn’t rip away from the stake, protruding from his chest, the poison staining the white linen of his shirt a sickly green. The hand on his chest balled into a fist, bunching the unsoiled fabric in your grip, but something caught your attention. The tiniest candle light of hope in the rapidly encroaching darkness of grief.

Your hand was directly over his undead heart. Anytime you touched him, your hand always fell directly over his heart. When you teasingly swatted at his chest, when you needed to steady yourself against him, when you needed to catch you balance… you always sought out his heart- subconsciously, instinctually, always his heart. Your hand was over his heart, and that gods-damned stake was four inches to the right. A tiny light, but a light none the less. It was then you realized you were calling the wrong name.

"SHADOWHEART!"

None of your companions had ever heard your voice that desperate, that scared. All their heads snapped to where they had last seen you, finding Astarion pulled to your chest as you wrenched the stake out of the spawn. Astarion stirred only long enough the let our a gurgling shout that fizzled into a groan at the pain, and you could only hope he heard your soft apologies before you started barraging the vampire with healing cantrips. You didn’t stop until the words held no more magic, your supply of magic tapped for the night.

The night air had changed, no longer fueled by adrenaline and challenge, now it was thick with urgency and fear. Each of your companions starting fighting towards the two of you, and when you locked watery eyes with Shadowheart you found her clearing her path with her spear. She had stopped using magic to fight, saving it all for Astarion.

"I’m coming! Hold on!" She promised as Karlach fell in beside her, battle axe taking over and sending two hunters to the grave together. Scratch and the owlbear cub had taking a lesson from Halsin and formed up beside you, growling into the night with hackles raised and feathers ruffled.

"Just hold on, Astarion." You relayed to the vampire, who was completely limp against you his back to your chest, head tilted back against your shoulder which bared his neck to you, showing the fang marks on his pale skin. If you were capable of humor, you would have laughed about the reversal of roles, it was usually you baring your veins to him. But at the moment, his lack of movement wasn’t particularly amusing, so instead you laced his fingers through yours, hoping the warmth would bring him some comfort. You pressed your cheek against his white curls, using your other hand to brandish his dagger just incase anyone got too close, and whispered all the reasons he was going to be okay. And that’s how you stayed until camp quietened and Shadowheart slid to a stop in front of you.

___

Hours later, Shadowheart had used every healing and restoration spell she knew, not stopping even when she began to sway and sweat. Halsin had offered his magic and healing herbs, Karlach made sure there was always a bucket of hot water and a stack of clean rags available, and you hadn’t missed Gale trying to hide the scroll of reviving from you as he slipped it to Shadowheart. Everyone in camp had been quick to gather all the healing potions, depositing them at the entrance of Astarion’s tent. Wyll and Lae’zell had slipped into the tree line to make sure the ambush was well and truly taken care of.

And you? Their appointed ‘fearless’ leader? You had gone uncharacteristically silent. Your heart hadn’t left your throat, clenching painfully every time they jostled the rogue. Your hands were shaking too much, both from fear and white hot rage, to really help the two more experienced healers of the group. And the thought of being too far from Astarion made your stomach turn, so you kept rooted like a tree. But, you were grateful, truly, for all of them. Even if in the moment, all you could do was sit beside Astarion and pray to any God or Devil that would listen. You felt like a wild animal in a cage and a helpless child at the same time, your insides very well might vibrate out of the body if you didn’t melt into the soil first.

The vampire needed all the help he could get. Aside from the occasional heartbreaking groan of pain or agony driven writhing, Astarion was eerily still. Barely breathing, less so than usual. His already pale, chilled skin had taken on a stony complexion, almost gray. And despite the inability to run a fever, there was a sheen of sweat over his face, clammy and uncomfortable. You hadn’t allowed them to undress him all the way, but part his shirt had been cut away to reveal the stab wound. It was deep, weeping Astarion’s already dark blood, and stretching out from the injury were black, twisting varicose veins that afforded you the cruel visual of the poison spreading. You wanted to take Gale’s revival scroll, use it on the hunter, and revoke the kindness of your mercifully quick death.

"It’s like the effect of our magic is being dampened." Shadowheart huffed, hands glowing as she cast another restoration spell. The sweat on Astarion’s brow subsided briefly before returning. Halsin nodded beside her, taking a deep sniff of the stake.

"His lack of blood isn’t moving the potions or antidote through his body fast enough, and this poison isn’t doing any favors." The druid thought aloud, taking some of his herbs to make a paste, "It doesn’t matter how many we pour down his throat if his body can’t absorb them."

Shadowheart’s worried gaze flickered to you for a moment, before settling back on Halsin, "We’ll figure something out."

You knew she was saying that more for your benefit, but you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge the pity. Instead, your grip tightened on Astarion’s hand as you swiped a clean rag to dab at his face. There was one more round of healing incantations and one more bottle of healing potion nursed into Astarion’s mouth. Your jaw twitched, watching most of it fall from the corner of his mouth. The same trail your own blood usually made after he fed.

"I’m tapped." Shadowheart sighed almost ruefully, the glow around her flickering and then fading, falling back on her heels. Halsin stood, stooped slightly in the low ceiling of the tent, turning to you.

"We’ve done everything we can do. We’ll try again with fresh minds in the morning. For now the best he, and we, can do is rest." His voice was calming, as if he thought you might start screaming again, but you just nodded, muttering something along the lines of thanks for trying, and not meeting either of their eyes as they ducked out of the tent.

Since you had belligerently refused any of their magical attempts to heal your shoulder, Gale had done a rather pitiful job of wrapping it, taking some pointers from Karlach along the way. The wizard offered you a tight smile and a gentle hand on your uninjured shoulder before pressing a bottle of healing potion into your hand, "This one is for you. You’re no good to him if you bleed out all over the floor of his tent. We all know how Astarion feels about waste."

"Yeah- fancy boy will be starving when he wakes up." Karlach’s chipper voice was still laced with a sting of concern. The tiefling didn’t touch you for fear of burning you, but did leave you with some roasted meat and a carafe of water from earlier in the night, "And it wouldn’t hurt for you to eat something either, soldier."

Then you were left alone with your thoughts, hunched next to Astarion’s side, tired eyes examining the bottle after confirming the rise and fall of his chest. In your hand, the potion glowed slightly with the subtlest warmth, the scarlet liquid seeming to have a mind of its own as it swirled in glittering patterns behind the glass. Your injuries were meager, this little bottle of healing would have you as good as new. Bitterly, you flicked your eyes to the numerous empty potion bottles in the corner that had barely slowed Astarion’s bleeding. Your hand closed around it as you cast another look to the Vampire spawn beside you. His breaths were shaky and shallow even after Shadowheart and Halsin had exhausted every last bit of magic they'd had. Now in the quietest parts of the night, or maybe the darkest hours of the morning, your thoughts swirled, desperate for any sort of plan to latch onto. You had to do something.

For you, Gale had said, No good to him if you bled out… He’d be starving, Karlach had been joking, His lack of blood wasn’t moving the potions enough to be effective, that had been Halsin’s hypothesis.

Blood. He needed blood.

The revelation was like being dropped into a freezing lake, determination razing the fearful lethargy out of your soul. With your teeth, you pried the cork out and downed the first circular bottle, the overly sweet taste a stark contrast to the somber mood of the night. For good measure, you did the same with a potion of superior healing and two bottles of general poison antidote, slamming them down so fast you had to ignore the churning in your stomach. You’d loot twenty more goblin caves to make up for the dent in supplies if you had to, in that moment you just didn’t care. You waited a moment, begging the powers that be for your ragtag plan to work, not so patiently watching the bruises on your wrist until they started to fade.

You felt it, the moment that you had been completely healed and there was no where else for that magic to go. And then, you wrapped your arms under Astarion’s, heaving him against your chest. You bared your neck, letting gravity gently swing Astarion's nose to meet your pulse point, his silvery lashes tickling your jaw. He stirred slightly, groaning at the movement, pressing himself into your warmth before stilling again. Was he too far gone to realize what was being offered?

Realizing you’d need to play into his vampiric insticts, you huffed, shattering one of the empty vials against a stone, struggling to do so and keep his deadweight in place. Taking a shard, it wasn’t hesitation but a moment of stilling your shaking hand before you pressed a shallow cut to your neck, right above where his lips rested.

You hissed at the haphazard sting, not as gentle as the pinprick of his fangs were in the night, feeling the blood instantly pool at the seam, a single red ribbon dripping before the potion healed the scratch, "C’mon, Astarion-"

The moment his name left your lips, or maybe it was the moment a drop of your blood hit his, regardless you could feel his instinct, that sanguine hunger, take over. The soft lips at your neck were replaced with dagger sharp fangs digging into where the small cut had been. The sound you let out was somewhere between a gasp of pain and sob of relief as you barred him against yourself, fists clutching into the back of his shirt like it would keep both of you rooted to each other. Somewhere, in the back on your mind, you thought about the irony of the position, being so afraid to let him slip away, like a rabbit latching onto a snake for fear of the serpent starving. Even if it meant being consumed.

In that moment, you were so relieved he’d started feeding that you didn’t care that his fangs dug in deeper than they ever had before, much more animalistic than his usual polite nibble. You didn’t dare flinch or wince, in case that might break the spell. Instead, you focussed keeping the both of you upright, one of your arms wrapped under his own, your fingers splayed across his ribs, and your other hand cupping the nape of his neck. The angle had his silvery curls dusting your fingertips and your thumb caressing the sharpest part of his jaw. Never had you been so happy to feel that throbbing numbness in your neck. Astarion’s chin prodded further into your neck, deepening the hold he had, and with his own shaky breath, he swallowed the first mouthful of your blood.

The hand at his ribs clenched, pulling him impossibly closer and twisting his shirt into your grip again as your pulse began to speed up. The increase of your heart rate only seemed to encourage the vampire, teeth sinking ever deeper to draw more blood flow. Clenching your jaw, you forced your muscles not to tense, it would only make it hurt more. This mouthful was quicker, Astarion seemed to be actively drawing it out of you instead of just waiting for it. He swallowed again, gaining the strength to snake his arms around you. It wasn’t a strong hold at first, but one arm snaked around your waist while the other cradled the back of your head, those long fingers finding their usual place in the locks of your hair. You couldn’t help the short laugh that escaped, relishing the cool touch. Your voice stoked another fire in him, provoking another instinct, your blood provided the strength for his grip to harden, becoming more cage like. As if he needed to worry about you trying to escape.

He swallowed again, and the numbness spread, not just in your neck but into your cheeks and across your chest. Blood was racing, coursing through you and into him, and with it all the magic of the healing potions. You could feel him getting his legs underneath him, untangling himself from you. At the same time, it was getting harder to hold your arm up, the numbness had reached your fingertips leaving them fumbling at his curls before falling to his shoulder. Another long drink and you found your eyes starting to flutter, everything was starting to feel cold as a shiver shook your body. Astarion, against two centuries of vampiric instinct, started to pull back, and you didn’t stop him, but didn’t let him go far either. He was mostly supporting himself now, which was a relief because a fair bit of focus was freshly delegated to preventing yourself from swaying.

"Take all you need, ’Stari-" You meant for your voice to be assuring and strong, but it came out breathy and slightly slurred. Astarion pulled away, the movement bringing you mostly out of your stupor. His ruby eyes were as sharp as ever once again, even if the shadows under his eyes were still too dark for your liking, and they stared into your own half lidded eyes. Other than the deep purple shadows, the ashen complex had started to even out, the sweat on his brow had faded away, and when you dropped your gaze, you noticed the twisting black veins were starting to recede and fade. Hells, you could get up and dance (very briefly before you passed out).

Even, with a foot in the grave, more dead than usual, and covered in both of your bloods he was unfairly beautiful. His eyes narrowed on your dopey smile, as if he your relief was a symptom of too much blood loss. If that was the effect of four swallows, just a little more would flush out the poison completely, "I can take it, love, just please let me help you."

Astarion never considered himself to be someone that had to be coaxed into receiving a gift, and you were offering him one so sweetly, practically begging him. After 200 years of rats and spiders, you had put literal magic in your veins for him. Magic that was bringing him back from death to his usual state of undead. He could feel it bringing his strength back, allowing all the magic the cleric and druid had poured into him to finally take some affect. Your blood, his first thinking blood, was always delicious- sweet and metallic, a delicate blend of all the good tastes, something so intrinsically you. With the potions infused, though, if Astarion was to hazard guess what sunlight tasted like- this would be it. How could he refuse?

Before he went back in, he placed a reverent kiss to the marks he had left in your neck, gingerly lapping at the wounds before sinking his fangs back into your tender flesh. This time, it wasn’t a gasp or sob, but a mewl, your frigid fingers once again digging into the flounced collar his shirt. If you both lived until morning, you were sure he’d gripe for hours about all the wrinkles you’d put in his favorite (only) shirt. Probably throw a proper fit about the stake hole.

Now, as the potions effects dwindled in your own body, you could properly feel the drain. The coldness crept up from your extremities but didn’t counteract the burn in your muscles, making it harder and harder to suppress the shivers. Your breathing was quick almost a pant, but you still felt like you weren't getting any oxygen. If you were thinking rationally, if you hadn’t gone through the brief grief of thinking you’d lost him, you would have realized you need to push him away, that you were approaching your limit. But you weren’t thinking rationally, no. You still were too busy grinning- as your hand had fallen from his collar, it grazed across the wound, now fully closed. Just a little more, you promised yourself. You felt him swallow more, he held himself up completely on his own allowing you to lean into him.

Astarion was okay, more than just on the mend, he was alive and strong, the potions and magic were working, were the thoughts that were reverberating through your head as things started to feel farther away. Your desperation had melted away, leaving a grateful smile in its wake. It wasn’t completely on purpose, but you let Astarion take on more and more of your weight, barely aware of his fangs in your neck anymore, not quite hearing Scratch and the cub whining outside, the shivering even began to subside as it seemed to take too much energy.

Earlier, you had drug him to you and held him against your chest almost crying. But, as more of your blood flowed through him, it had become juxtaposed. Astarion held you in place, leaning over you for the best angle at your neck. It was his arms that kept you from falling over, his firm hand that kept your head from lolling too far back. His bite became less fervent, his grip less cage like and more affectionate. His survival instincts started to give way to civility and charm. You barely noticed as he twisted himself so he could slowly, gently lay you down onto the bedroll that had moments ago been his sickbed. He laid you on your back, onto the generous stack of pillows he kept in his tent. He tangled his fingers into yours, just as you had done for him, his knees holding him in a predatory crawl over you, all without breaking from your neck.

Barely registering the softness, it was the thud of your other hand against the floor that roused you, just a bit. It was also what drew Astarion’s attention, it took everything in him to withdraw his fangs. He gave each puncture would a diligent cleaning with his tongue before pulling away completely, lest he lose control and dive right back in. (Really, how could one person be that tempting?)

But, you had arguably saved his life, it’d be terribly impolite of him to kill you. When Astarion’s eyes met yours, your gaze was more than half lidded as you watched him- what little of your eyes he could see were glossy and fighting to stay focused, he could hear your heartbeat markedly fainter than he was comfortable with.

You were watching him as intently as you could. In the dim lantern light of his tent, surrounded by potion bottles and bloody rags, Astarion was up and moving and breathing again. Revived and strong, his eyes practically glowing scarlet, and, if you really focussed, you could make out the tips of his ears becoming pink. Something that only happened when he was freshly well fed, nothing was left of his stab wound but the hole in his shirt, the frayed edges dyed from the poison and his blood. He could have looked like a angel, complete with the fire’s reflection creating a halo effect on his snowy curls, had it not been for the sheen of sticky blood drenching his chin and neck. Your blood- the blood that gave him enough strength to heal. How could you not smile?

Astarion tried to come up with a snarky comment, but for once, nothing came to mind. Instead, he kept glancing between your intertwined fingers, glassy eyes, and that idiotic little smile. Your giddiness was beginning to unnerve him, had you been charmed or perhaps taken a hit to the head? With the parasite, he reached out briefly into your mind. His brow twitched when he was only met with waves of relief and gratitude, you were too tired for structured thought, but too relieved to give into the exhaustion. How could someone on the verge on exsanguination look so happy? And why in the nine hells did it seem to be directed towards his well being?

The vampire was stricken, taking count of everything you’d truly done that night alone: fought beside him, tried to take the death blow in his place, comforted him, held his hand, cleaned him up, hadn’t let the others undress him anymore than necessary, stayed with him, circumvented his vampirism to find a way to heal him, and had genuinely tried to bleed yourself dry for him. Hell, you’d cut your own neck for him- not even metaphorically, but literally cut your throat for him. He could feel your warmth, your kindness and everything good about you settling into his very marrow. Something uncomfortably… gooey… stirred in his chest, something more and more worrying common as of late, when it came to you. Had his manipulation really worked so well? A feeling too close to sharp guilt gnawed at that warm gooey feeling. Was it really manipulation anymore? Gods, your morality was infecting him.

“This is that Insufferabe admirability I was talking about ." He muttered into the tent, shaking his head as he watched your chest rise and fall, using his free hand tame some of the hair at your crown. It was then Astarion realized your eyes had slipped shut, your fingers, now just as cold as his, going limp against his. Weeks ago, he would have polished off the last of your blood and left you behind. But at present, he felt the sickening need to return even half the care you’d shown him. He’d have to dissect his emotions later. The rogue was glad the other companions had left supplies within arms reach, as it meant he could gather them without dropping your hand.

"Ah, ah, ah," He called quietly, gently pulling you back to the real world, pleased to watch your scrunch your nose in the exertion of waking back up. Finally, that contented little smile on your face slipped into a frown, a protest against his interruption of your sleep. Astarion’s smile was almost apologetic as he helped you into a slightly more upright position, "Not quite yet, little love. It’s your turn. No sharing this time."

Another healing potion was pressed into your hand and opened for you, and you allowed Astarion to guide it to your lips, his pale hand guiding your own. This time, the warmth of the elixir was welcome, a comfort instead of a taunt, assurance instead of a plea. Astarion carefully watched you as you swallowed the potion down, noting how you shivered less and a bit of color returned to your face. When the potion bottle was empty, he traded it for a small cup of water, keeping a guiding hand on the silver chalice he’d nicked from a tradesmen weeks ago until you had enough strength to hold it.

Though still exhausted and dizzy, you had the energy to throw him an obstinate look. Astarion feigned a dramatic sigh but kept a firm enough grip on you that you couldn’t lay back down, "All this for me, yet you won’t even let me give you water?"

Ignoring how it made the dizziness worse, you rolled your eyes, taking a few sips of the water at a time even if it was mostly just so he’d let you lay back down. Astarion was in one piece and you were exhausted, you couldn’t bring yourself to think about anything else. But, Astarion seemed very pleased with himself, squeezing your hand once again, "Good girl."

If you weren’t on the verge of blood loss, you could have choked on the water. Still, there was a part of you that whispered in relief he must be better if he’s back to teasing you. Astarion watched you take a few more sips before you sagged back against the pillows. Your eyes closed again, but your breathing was deeper now and the hand he held didn’t feel as cold. Outside, Scratch and the cub seemed appeased at your improvement as they stopped their pacing and whining to settle at the tent flap.

This time, he didn’t pull you back up, instead muttering to himself as he gently tilted your head to the side, exposing his bite marks. No wonder you seemed so tired, they were much messier than usual. Vicious, was the better word. Not only had his two fangs pierced your delicate skin, but his bottom canine teeth had punctured through as well, and he could see the outline of his other teeth in the deep bruising grooves they had left behind. In unfortunate addition, it seemed in the height of his blood lust he’d made more than one bite, leaving your neck littered in marks. Astarion grimaced, it really was more of a mauling, “Apologies, darling, I’m not typically so brutish. Forgive me?"

Astarion pointedly ignored how his heart lifted at the slightest nod you gave him, instead focussing on cleaning you up as gently as possible. The potion had stopped the bleeding, and he watched as the wounds themselves were slowly closing. Each swipe of the rag was feather light, almost not even there. The elf noticed you give back into sleep, this time not bothering to wake you again. Instead he kept working and fussing until the only sign of his feeding was the stained neckline of your shirt. Then, he gently ran a clean, wet rag over your face and hands, taking away the evidence of your tears and worry. Finally, he threw a cloak over you like a blanket, to hopefully ward off the last of the shivers from the warmth he’d stolen from you.

Not stolen, he reminded himself, though the truth somehow felt more dangerous, it was freely given to him. The vampire settled in, laying across from you, the only part of you he could touch was the hand still holding his. Though, already in your sleep you had shifted towards him. Astarion frowned, eyebrows furrowed, the more he came to know you, the more he knew that you would give and give and give. Truly, he knew that he didn’t need to manipulate you anymore, maybe he never needed to, and for the first time in centuries, he didn’t want to just keep taking. He didn’t want to bleed you dry and loot you for all you were worth. Astarion was surprised to find he wanted give something back to you. He just needed to figure out what.

The nights events caught up to him once again as his eyes closed, listening to the evermore familiar sound of your heartbeat as it became steadier and the even sounds of your breathing as you slept, letting it guide him towards meditation.

Gods damn you and your insufferable admirability.

___

Part Two Here!

Again this was my first time writing for Astarion. I also tried to balance things into being equal parts in each persons perspective. I just love when two lovestruck idiots have to confront their own feelings about being in love.

#me when I can use both literal and metaphorical vampirism as an allegory of being consumed by love.#astarion x reader #astarion x you #Astarion x reader #astarion x mc #astarion fanfic #bg3 x reader #bg3 x tav #bg3 fanfic #Astarion self insert

752 notes · View notes

razzledazzlebeach · 1 month

Text

Daryl Dixon took awhile to age mentally

As I read more and more analysis about Daryl and rewatch some of the earlier seasons, I wonder if it was intended for his character to have some kind of age regression issue. (I didn't do, like, extensive research, I just looked into some CPTSD and age regression signs on a few different sites, so this is just an idea I'm tossing out in hopes of hearing some other perspectives!)

The first situation that really catches my attention is his reaction to Merle being left in Atlanta. Now, obviously, this would be an incredibly emotional time for anyone and it's not entirely out of place to just say he was very distraught over the news and anyone could have reacted the same way he did. I just think that the specific way he did might have some signs. If you think about a grown man, especially one who was raised in a very macho household, you would assume that their reaction might be to storm out or yell at someone. Although Daryl did yell, he also started crying and pacing. It seemed almost as if he was having a full-on meltdown. Some signs of age regression are meltdowns (Ranting, shouting, insulting others, threatening others, whining, angry tears, or getting physically violent) that ring any bells?

I couldn't find a gifs of that exact moment :(

It probably didn't help that the entirety of the camp was staring at him as all of this happened. Temper tantrums can happen because someone is scared/ashamed and can't regulate themselves. (Like sensory overload.)

Another thing that I want to kind of address is the way Rick responds to Daryl when he's having these sorts of meltdowns. Throughout the series, and in the third episode, we see Rick bending down almost horizontally just so he can make eye contact with Daryl. He speaks to him like he's a child, and instead of feeling insulted, Daryl actually takes comfort in it and calms down!

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, do you think we can manage that?"

What is age regression?

We all know that Daryl was abused as a child, and trauma like that can sort of freeze the brain. This is a quote I really like that explains it: “It doesn’t necessarily make you stuck at a certain age, but instead, [you are] acting out the emotional wounding that happened at that age,” Lapides adds." People may start to regress because they are triggered or feel threatened, and an apocalypse seems like it would cause a constant trigger. Daryl might be reverting back to childlike behaviors as a trauma response. (honorable mention being the nail biting, but that's a bit of a reach) Shane being the way that he was could have also been a trigger for him.

One of the symptoms of age regression is overly clingy behavior. And you are probably thinking, "well, if there's anything Daryl has, it's not clingy behavior. He's a loner." I disregarded this too for awhile before I really thought about it. He is highly independent when he's doing things he's comfortable in, like being in the woods or going for runs. But when it comes to making decisions or being social, Daryl immediately clings to someone who he knows will do it for him. Most of his life he had Mere to hide behind. The most outgoing and shameless person alive. I don't think Merle ever asked Daryl his opinion on anything. He would decide, and Daryl would follow, and I think Daryl took a lot of comfort in that. So when Merle was gone, he latched onto Rick because he was the best choice. He knew Rick was a very righteous man who had plenty of leadership qualities. He knew Rick would make decisions for him, and give him directions.

Carol and Rick's mothering

Circling back to the way Rick would react to Daryl's outbursts, carol sometimes did the same thing. I know some people ship them, but honestly, at least in the earlier seaons, I got major mother/son vibes from the two of them. Especially when Beth died and she was trying to teach him how to grieve. The forehead kisses, the pookie nickname, all of it seemed to point in that direction. There was also another time Rick pulled the "Can we manage that?" move, and it was during Aiden and Glenn's fight in S5. He made sure to get low enough to make eye contact, and block his pacing. He kept telling Daryl that "We can't do this now." It all just looks a lot like he and carol are parenting Daryl, if only in moments where he is feeling intense stress and that trauma triggers.

Anyways, this was just a few ideas I was tossing around, and very clearly this in my first analysis lol, any thoughts?

#twd #age regression #character analysis #fictional characters #daryl dixon #twd daryl #the walking dead #carol peletier #rick grimes #shane walsh #childhood abuse #trauma response #trauma regressor

204 notes · View notes

fools-ramblings-and-whatnot · 18 days

Text

DISCUSSION (YAP SESSION): LOVE GROWS (WHERE MY ROSEMARY GOES)

Today I will yap on how The Song Love Grows by Edison Lighthouse is Yuu/MC's themesong. Disclaimer: I am a Yuu enthusiast so my views and opinions are biased.

Not serious character analysis, may be inaccurate in some parts.

She ain't got no money Her clothes are kinda funny Her hair is kinda wild and free Oh, but love grows where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me

Yuu doesn't have money. They are broke (1st lyric)

Their clothes don't fit them because it's a little bit saggy on them, as commented by others. Look's like the clothes kinda wear them. This means the clothes are kinda funny *GASP*

They don't care much appearance wise. So maybe their HAIR does go wild and free most of the time

Love grows? Yes. FRIENDSHIP. CAMARADERIE. (mayhaps even romance but that's the delusional in me talking) In the First chapter, they made the Adeuce duo WORK together. Crowley was so shocked that the students in NRC could work together he un-expelled them.

And Nobody knows like me- THEY MADE CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS. They've seen the other side of their friends and seniors. This also applies to the main cast to Yuu. Also they KNOW Yuu is a special case. Yuu TAKES A PHOTO OF THEIR BEST (The photos in the Cards)

She talks kinda lazy And people say she's crazy And her life's a mystery Oh, but love grows where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me

Yuu is the silent type. However they DO get excitable

Yuu is known to be a trouble maker, and trouble attracts them.

They're also called the "trickters" by Rook. Some cast think they're an odd one. (The staring, the poking(screen interactions), the sometimes looking ditzy, being both sharp and oblivious). They call the 5th strongest wizard Hornton *kinda crazy don't ya think?*

Their life IS A MYSTERY (They're not from this world)

There's something about her hand holding mine It's a feeling that's fine And I just gotta say, hey She's really got a magical spell And it's working so well That I can't get away

THEY'RE TOUCHY (Screen interactions). Handholding can also be a metaphor to "Supporting" or "helping", because Yuu truly cares for others

It's a feeling that's fine: Helped solved overblots.

THEY DO HAVE A SPELL IT'S CALLED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP (and occasional violence)

IT IS WORKING SO WELL, 6/7 overblots overcome :> *Proud*

I'm a lucky fella And I've just got to tell her That I love her endlessly Because love grows where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me

This is the part where I get a bitttt more delusional

ACE AND DEUCE WORRY ABOUT THEIR SAFETYYYY. If that's not love idk what is. Interpret it as you want, I am ok with platonic but personally I think both boys might have a lil crush on the Prefect

Malleus caresssss FOR THEM. Very much

I just think its neat that they get to tag along with the cast and they get a chance to bond and extend their friendship/camaraderie.

Although MC/Yuu is usually in the background, some lines imply that they are held in a certain regard in various ways by others.

I think if we wear our "ship" glasses on, any ship can definitely work (although they romance is doomed by the narrative cuz Yuu needs to go home, so meaning the cast left behind will truly love them ENDLESSLY although in memory.)

There's something about her hand holding mine It's a feeling that's fine And I just gotta say, hey She's really got a magical spell And it's working so well That I can't get away I'm a lucky fella And I've just got to tell her That I love her endlessly Because love grows where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me

We don't really know what Yuu/MC does in the bacground of fights, but given that the'yre kinda "beast tamer" or can come up with cunning tricks, they either Command/Instruct others where to fight. They're like a manager of sorts! Hence, holding hand=guiding

Magical spell(makes a change)- I truly believe without MC/Yuu from the beginning the events of Heartlabyul and Riddle NOT overblotting would've caused an awful domino effect. They're like, a catalyst for change, like ofc its not all thanks to them but they were a huge part of it from the beginning. I think given the circumstances in the game, the dormleaders+Jamil would've overblotted even without the existence of Grim and MC, given how they used their powers. It just happens then that MC was at the right place at the right time, and it WORKS.

Their existence in Twst, their isekai adventure, is DESTINY. They were MEANT to meet the Main cast. (obvs, its the main premise of the game, but ya gotta find the magic in this kinda stuff)

It keeps growing every place she's been (oh, but love grows where my Rosemary goes) And nobody knows like me If you've met her, you'll never forget her (love grows where my Rosemary goes) And nobody knows like me Better believe it when you've seen it (love grows where my Rosemary goes) Nobody knows like me

:)))))) Need I say more?

-End yap session.

#twisted wonderland #twst x reader #ramblings #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia #ace trappola #deuce spade

179 notes · View notes

starbylers · 3 months

Text

After spending some time listening and re-listening and thinking a lot, I think I finally have my head wrapped around all these songs. This post is an exploration of what they could tell us about Mike’s story, and also a sort of theory I noticed once I saw the full picture. This playlist is—in my opinion—the story we’ve been theorising for the past two years reflected in 12 songs. That might sound hyperbolic but it’s simply what I heard and interpreted, and wanted to share because I enjoyed writing it. I hope this is an interesting read!

If you didn’t see my last post about why I do believe this is Finn’s Mike/ST playlist despite the somewhat ambiguous title you can read that here. It’s totally okay if you disagree but I’m not interested in debating it, and this analysis is coming from a perspective of assuming we've guessed correctly that the playlist relates to ST (obviously we can't 1000% verify that, but for the purposes of this post that’s my stance).

I’m going to focus on themes and overall meanings in the songs because in my opinion that’s where any connections are going to lie, rather than specific lines holding anything important (aside from a few which I’ll highlight) because I feel like that’s closest to how Finn would’ve thought while making it. Basically a macro level representation of Mike and what he goes through next season, something that would help a person get into the headspace of a character. Oh and my larger point is about the playlist as a whole, which will come together at the end :)

➠ Track 1 | Ballad of the Texas King

The first song is an anomaly in that I think it’s meant to set the tone more than anything else. These explain better than I could hope to:

"Itʼs a murder ballad, and as is common in murder ballads, deals with promise and innocence being snuffed out.” [link]

"Clarke sings of a chance encounter with an ominous figure that feels akin to selling your soul at the crossroads" [link]

Hey kid come along, something is wrong, I believe you now / All this to say only one way that this can go / Come with us for a ride / Don’t it feel like hell? Boy let me tell you, that’s where you are

• • •

A nice little coincidence, Finn himself is quoted as saying season 5 is a “crossroads”. I can see this song being an allusion to inevitable big choices with life-altering consequences next season, and also more mature themes being tackled within Mike’s story. I mean he’s stepping back into his role as leader, and now they’re older that will come with a lot more weight and responsibility in situations where the fate of the world is likely hanging in the balance. Not to mention how his personal struggles will be tied up in that, it’s probable that a slightly darker, more self-reflective—and transformative—tone is waiting for us in regards to season 5 Mike.

➠ Track 2 | What You're Doing

A simple song about a turbulent relationship where one person is unhappy because their partner is messing them around, and they're pleading with them to stop.

Look what you’re doing, I'm feeling blue and lonely / You got me running and there's no fun in it / Please stop your lying, you've got me crying, girl

The partner is the one holding control in the situation, while they feel at the mercy of their partner’s careless choices. The mood here is one of helplessness and desperation while still remaining open-hearted, hoping they’ll change.

I've been waiting here for you wondering what you're gonna do / If you should need a love that's true it’s me / Why should it be so much to ask of you what you're doing to me?

• • •

This is heavily M!Ieven coded. What do we know about their dynamic? Mike is always the one chasing El (trying to “win her back” in s3, terrified of her not needing him in s4, stressing about her being in danger all the time). El is consistently seeking autonomy (choosing to learn about her identity over pursuing romance with him in s2, choosing to break up with him in s3, choosing to leave him behind in s4, and I’m willing to bet she’s the one who removes herself from his storyline in s5). We know their separation will happen early season, and naturally things between them must be unstable leading up to this. El being the one to pull away while Mike stresses over it checks out considering these past patterns, and also the end of s4 with her already closing herself off while Mike appears at a loss.

➠ Track 3 | After The Earthquake

A song reminiscing on a relationship and the failure and death of it, with a sense of lingering nostalgia and unwillingness to let it go. It’s set to the backdrop of a metaphorical car crash.

It wasn't built to last / If you wake up you’ll remember the awful things I said / Looking back to the vibrant days / Those days I'd never let you fall apart but things fade / Why would I ever fall in love again when every detail’s over the guard rail? / Velvet curtains drawn, flowers at your feet / Say you’ll climb your way out of your wake now / Are you awake now?

• • •

In simpler terms…this is a break up song. The longing tone makes sense to me for M!Ieven because I’ve long suspected the initial split between them is not going to be super clean cut (this should make more sense later). Mike and El were together for a long time for their age, and have a lot of intense shared memories. El was also his first and only experience of relationships; it’s going to be difficult to detach. It being the right decision to end something doesn’t mean it’s easy or simple. Even if Mike is gay and didn’t truly like her romantically, he still loved her and in my opinion that distinction isn’t something he’s going to have figured out and made peace with the second it ends.

➠ Track 4 | Promises I've Made

Very straightforward and repetitive, and follows on seamlessly from the last song: this is about having trouble moving on from someone who’s left your life.

Ever since you have gone the days don't seem so bright and I wish I could forget you but I can’t / I have promised myself I wouldn't dream of you but I find that awful hard sometimes to do

• • •

Based on what I’ve seen people might fight me on this, but to me it’s M!Ieven coded mainly because of its positioning in the playlist (directly after a struggling relationship song + break up song) but also because it is technically about an ex love. Could we say it doesn’t need to be interpreted that specifically? Yes. I suppose it could be Byler coded too but personally...the way I would interpret it is as Mike moping over whatever happened with El. There’s not any intense emotional pining going on; if you listen it has a very laid back, chill sort of mood and is honestly very upbeat. There’s no deep heartbreak. It’s just about missing someone. Plus it sort of perfectly closes out the process we see over the last two songs of being unhappy with someone, to breaking up and grieving, to the typical post-break up struggle of navigating this hole in your life and naturally missing what once filled it. This is a whole sub-arc for Mike.

➠ Track 5 | Angst In My Pants

We’ve reached the gay section! This song is about trying to fit yourself into an acceptable—aspirational, even—life but never feeling content, and continuously trying to squash this troubling Feeling, the titular phrase: angst in (your) pants. Some people think it’s a reference to literal physical arousal but others including me think that in context it’s intended more as a metaphor for sexual frustration/dissatisfaction.

I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away / It's just a passing phase / When you’re all alone, you and your head / When you think you’ve made it disappear it comes again, hello, I’m here and I’ve got angst in my pants

The queer subtext here is very clear, I don’t think I even have to explain (check out the cover art too lol). The song closes with a realisation/acceptance that no, this “phase” won't ever go away i.e. it’s just who you are.

Give it a hundred years, it won't go away

I also thought one of the opening verse lines was an interesting segue from the last few songs:

But when you’re all alone and nothing bites you’d wish you stayed at home with someone nice

• • •

Angst In My Pants may aswell be titled Forced Conformity the thematic parallels to ST are that blatant. Another point for team Mike Wheeler actually is connected to the main themes of the show like all his other friends, and no it’s not because he’s somehow oppressed for being a nerd. Also rather than being about feelings for another person the song is about personal struggle with sexuality which excites me to think about in relation to Mike because we’ve been saying he needs to explore his own identity outside of being a love interest.

➠ Track 6 | The Better Side

A very sweet, slow, slightly melancholy song. I’ll be honest I cannot decipher more than 2/3 of the lyrics but here are the most meaningful ones of those I could:

I know you cry and I’m trying to keep you by my warmth

You’re never gonna see my eyes, you’re coloring all the skies you want to / I tried staying alive, keep my head on the better side when you’re far away

You’re on the better side you’re always the better one for me

You’re all that I need, I’m not gonna miss you anymore

My understanding is it’s about pining over someone who is a “better” choice, whatever that means in this context. Deciding you want someone, someone who you don’t currently have, someone who is maybe distracted, distant or physically absent? But vowing to change that because you recognise that you need them.

• • •

This directly follows the Gay Thoughts song, and precedes the Gay Thoughts song 2.0 so I feel safe interpreting it as Byler coded and about how it’s Mike’s turn to pine. (Also because “better” implies that there’s a “worse” i.e. this is a situation where you’re differentiating between two things i.e. in Mike’s case, Will vs El). I can envision Mike and Will getting moments together away from whatever chaos is surely going on, having the space to connect more where Mike starts becoming conscious of his feelings, realising slowly that Will is the “better” one for him. And as the song also suggests, perhaps Will has pulled away from him in the beginning. I think this is possible because the torment Will's likely going to endure from Vecna could understandably cause him to push Mike away, fearing his safety or him finding out how Will feels, and also I just don’t think he’ll be able to stand the pain of being M!Ieven’s couple’s counsellor for much longer without cracking. But I think Mike “it’ll be easier if we’re a team” Wheeler would make it his mission to fix any rift between them, the final line literally being I’m not gonna miss you anymore.

➠ Track 7 | Don't Ask Me To Explain

As far as I can tell, this song is about being afraid to face queer feelings for another person who is also hiding this about themselves, and being conflicted about whether to confess because you're not sure how they feel.

How will I ever know you enough to love you if you're hiding who you are? / How am I supposed to let it show when I don't even know? / Don’t move on without me, who will be watching my body when I sleep? / I don't want to be the one who's coming out first, I'd really like to but I'm just too shy

The end is an admission of…something. I’m not sure whether to interpret it as wishful thinking over this queer relationship you believe you can’t have, or as an offhand comment about forcing yourself to love someone you can’t because of your sexuality. Interesting either way:

It’s so easy to lie to myself and pretend that I could love you but I can't

I did do some research and the alleged true explanation of this song is it’s from one queer friend to another (man to woman, I assume both closeted, maybe a failed romance?) but I could only find one uncited source for that and everywhere else seems to agree with my interpretation so it seems when listening to the song that’s the story people hear. (Plus either way the song is about being queer. Undeniably so).

• • •

It’s not Byler coded we’re way past that, it literally just…is them. It does seem to suggest a level of internal conflict in Mike regarding coming out that I can’t say I expected (yes I have no doubts about canon Byler but I’m also a pessimist by nature—that should tell you how obvious their endgame is though lmao—so I assumed the Duffers would go wrong somewhere). I always thought he would be almost consciously clueless about himself until he finds out Will loves him, and the focus be more on him liking Will back rather than him liking boys (and obviously wasn’t a fan of that), but the prospect of Mike actually being aware and grappling with his sexuality is what we’ve been praying for and builds on the more low-level thrum of sexual confusion in Angst In My Pants. Oh and the song also could suggest Mike suspecting that Will likes him/is queer too before anyone confesses.

➠ Track 8 | What Do You Want Me To Do?

Another straightforward one. It’s quite angsty, a big contrast to the more sad feelings about a relationship from the earlier songs. This is about someone who left you for someone else/someone who walked out on you, who decides they want you back.

You walked out took your chance, turned your back on our romance / You said the change would do you good / But then the bubble burst your dream, turned into a nightmare scream / You came crawling to me your knees, and you were asking me to love you please

The main message of the repetitive chorus is basically: you want me to need you, but that’s not real love. You’re just using me to feel better about yourself.

What do you want me to do? Say that I need you more? Is that what real lovers do? Or only what you use me for?

• • •

I mean isn’t that last part how we’ve always described M!Ieven’s dynamic—all about aligning with the other’s needs whether for safety, validation or feeling ‘normal’, rather than genuine romance? I don’t think there’s any chance at all of El leaving Mike for someone else lol, as I said I don’t think we need to interpret these songs super specifically. But it does make me wonder: could we possibly see a moment of regression for El at some point in the season, after they separate? The focus here in my opinion is frustration at someone trying to re-enter your life when you know they don’t truly love you. Reflecting on their dynamic I talked about with earlier songs and their history in the show (El walking away, Mike scared to lose her), is it possible the break up could leave Mike struggling initially then he progressively understands why it was the right choice (especially after spending time with Will), meanwhile for El it’s the opposite—she’s more sure about breaking up but something happens later on that shakes her belief in herself. Her having one last hurdle to overcome in her dependency on Mike to finally break that pattern of hindering her growth by retreating to him could make sense. And based on this song…Mike would not be receptive to being El’s safety net. Growth for both of them.

➠ Track 9 | Substitute

Again, very angsty compared to earlier. It’s about a relationship characterised by false perceptions (focused on class), and those being what is holding it together. One partner is pretending to be something they’re not, cosplaying as someone else, and the other is also being dishonest/fake.

You think we look really good together / My fine looking suit is really made out of sack / The simple things you see are all complicated / Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac

The relationship breaks down because of this and their partner doesn’t truly want to fix things, and ultimately trades up.

Those crocodile tears are what you cry / It’s a genuine problem, you won’t try to work it out at all, you just pass it by / Substitute me for him / Substitute my coke for gin

Essentially: your partner not knowing the real you because you’re putting on a facade—the facade being the version of you they really like, the thing that was making you compatible—leads the relationship to fail. The literal title suggests neither of them as they are are what the other truly wants or needs.

• • •

Obviously this does not directly parallel M!leven in terms of the topic of the lying but in terms of the themes and core relationship issues…yeah. To me this could be about point Mike has reached after gradually coming to realisations about the nature of their relationship after it’s over, like I mentioned before. I can envision a mid-late season confrontation (or something less aggressive sounding lol) between them, pairing perfectly with the topic of the previous song. El scared trying to fall back on Mike and he’s like…no, we don’t work, I can’t be that for you anymore and this is why: betraying who he is (nerd) to impress her, trying so hard to play the “boyfriend” role (yet they never successfully emotionally connect), if he’s gay then there’s also the facade of straightness, etc. I think it would show a lot of emotional maturity from him honestly, and I really need him to have a strong grasp on what went wrong with El for them to have a shot at forming a healthy friendship, and also to psychologically process all that stuff before getting involved with Will.

➠ Track 10 | The Rebel Kind

A short song about life being tough when you don’t have much (this one is class-focused too), but still craving the freedom that comes from not following societal rules and pressures for how to do life “right”, and instead living on your own terms. Basically the struggle is worth not having to conform. The first verse sums it up pretty well:

They call us the rebel kind but they don’t understand the things a man must do to prove that he’s a man / It’s not easy but I don’t mind, I just wanna run with the rebel kind

• • •

Again, obviously the specific topic is not relevant to ST but the thematic parallels blew my mind, I mean the entire show is about people being outcasts and learning to find strength in that, and the final season is going to majorly drive that point. We know this from the fact that Will “being different” Byers is the one who’s arc is said to tie up the whole show. Now in regards to Mike…if this doesn’t scream forced conformity and deciding to reject it for your own happiness I don’t know what does. It perfectly captures the thematic end point of his arc next season (and not just his but probably the entire party’s in one way or another). Also the toxic masculinity reference in that one line applies heavily to Mike with his history of trying so hard to do what he thinks he supposed to do in going from boy to man i.e. We’re not kids anymore. Did you think we were never gonna get girlfriends?

➠ Track 11 | Block Rockin’ Beats

Another one I think is mainly to set a tone; no real lyrics just beats. In my opinion it comes after The Rebel Kind for a reason. Somehow it just makes sense, it’s got this really loud, frenzied, unrestrained energy to it.

➠ Track 12 | Just What I Needed

We end off with a love (or desire?) song. It’s interesting because it’s quite aggressive sonically but at the same time it talks about being with someone in a simple uncomplicated way:

I don’t mind you coming here and wasting all my time / I don’t mind you hanging out and talking in your sleep

…but it’s also very intense how you feel with them.

Cause when you’re standing oh so near I kinda lose my mind

There’s a repeated line that stuck in my head. It’s obviously written about a female subject, but there is such a rejection of the feminine going on:

It’s not the perfume that you wear, it’s not the ribbons in your hair

It’s saying those feminine attributes are not why this person is attractive—and yeah logically that means the subject must have those things, but as I’ve said I don’t think these songs need to be interpreted on such a specific level. The point being made is about a deeper connection. The line is just intriguing to me from the perspective of Mike being into boys, I mean he could’ve picked literally any other romance song.

I needed someone to feed / I needed someone to bleed / I guess you’re just what I needed

The message here is basically: I was craving the rawest form of connection/intimacy with another human being (that doesn’t have to necessarily mean sexual it’s just those visceral words feed, bleed in comparison to perfume and ribbons which sound very fluffy lol)…and now I’ve found you and it’s exactly what I was looking for.

• • •

With all the themes through the songs of rejecting fake relationships and conformity, and accepting and exploring queerness…Will Byers is obviously going to be the thing Mike needed. I’ve been saying (and so have many) but Byler isn’t happening till the end. Also the playlist finishing with this song is telling in my opinion. Aside from the Castle Byers Classics link, the title itself implies searching for something which is now found, a journey being over. I say this for the purposes of pushing my agenda about this playlist painting a narrative. Hear me out:

Personally……that’s not accidental. It just isn’t. Even if my more specific interpretations aren’t correct, I just cannot believe that this wasn’t curated to draw a particular picture. I believe in coincidences and if the playlist had been titled as it was with a bunch of random unconnected irrelevant songs I’d be the first person to file it under that. But the title and the inclusion of a song from Will’s official playlist and these specific songs in this specific order? Yeah it’s about s5 Mike and I cannot wait to see him! If you made it this far thanks for reading <3

#byler #my magnum opus atp #this took so long because I’m a perfectionist and also life happens #I recommend reading this and then listening to the playlist with it in mind #see how it feels #oh & fav songs of mine: Ballad of the Texas King. After the Earthquake. Angst In My Pants. Just What I Needed :)

221 notes · View notes

sage-is-in-fact-very-tired · 2 months

Text

might've cooked too hard on this. it sure is. so many worbs. [18,320 words, to be exact.]

but, i commit to my bit, and I will continue to do so because i'm a *loser* - so, welcome to the “sage looked at the c!sherb playlist and went far more bonkers than probably necessary” post. because uh. nothing i say ever stays a bit very long-

—

[Section One - Man. Icarus Morningstar is such a character. The most character of all time.]

-> [Icarus]

-> In my mind, this is 2 to 3 people talking to/about Icarus. The first section, up until the instrumental in the middle, being Centross. Just the whole idea of drinking, it feels very much Centross about them. (“Living beyond your years” is very reset coded - not Centross talking about them, but the rest of that section definitely feels like Centross.) The second section, up until “you put up your defenses when you leave”, is very much Fable talking about them. Just the whole idea of them falling - he would've been the one to see that - and the whole idea of him being scared of that happening again and again and *again.* The last section, following that, could be argued it's either Centross or Rae. How they both know that Icarus puts up this front, this armor, when they talk to people, when they walk around, and only really *really* drop that when they're alone or when Centross or Rae is around. (Well. There's an argument that they *don't* drop their walls completely around Centross or Rae, but this is playlist analysis, not character analysis-)

(Also the whole reset idea of Icarus dying over and over again, forgetting over and over again - falling over and over again.)

-> [Redesign Your Logo]

-> This is very much about the whole change from *just* yellow's and golds, to the yellow and purple color scheme they end up with due to the eye. It's very Midas to Icarus coded, basically. Because as a kid, they were mostly dressed up in yellows, but as time went on, and as the eye happened, and as the resets started, that *changed.* they shifted into wearing purples more often, mixing them with yellow - for all intents and purposes, redesigning the logo they had previously had. Also the whole idea of the trident changing from the trident to the Quixis symbol - cause. Yeah that's kinda Icarus’ logo. (The argument could also be made about how they become nicer with the eye and the following resets - their logo, their typical-ness of being a snarky asshole shifts into being something kind and caring and compassionate. It's Redesigned, and it's at least *partially* Midas’ doing.)

-> [Any Day Now]

-> Icarus about the wack. How they want it to stop, *think* it will stop, soon. It'll stop ‘any day now’ - it can't keep going forever, can it? (Also the pain Icarus is constantly going through - the bad, the horrible and the terrible and the suffering - it'll stop eventually, right? It can't keep going on forever - it'll stop any day now as long as they can *make it* there, make it to the point they're good and happy and it can stop. They just have to keep going and it’ll *stop.*)

-> [&]

-> Icarus’ hypocrisy. How they do things, harm, yell at, everything like that, to others - while doing the same things they're berating others for themself. How they'll do one thing, and call it fine, while criticizing that *exact* same thing. Also could be seen in a light of Fable talking about Icarus’ actions and friendships and things of that sort.

-> [Comb Attack]

-> Okay this one is. Mmm. Okay. Most of the words in here are very glitchy, very cut off from each other - something about the resets cutting off Icarus? Cutting their words off, cutting their actions off, cutting their memories off, *glitching* them.

-> [Hungover in the City of Dust]

-> Icarus’ Isolation. How their friends are constantly leaving them alone and isolated, and how they're constantly pushing people away, and how they're left running around in circles trying to catch up, trying to save themself, figure out what's wrong, figure out how to *fix it.*

-> [Mr. Backwards]

-> Icarus’ more backwards way of thinking. How they'll tell you what they *want* How they're hurting, but they're not going to tell you. How they're trying so desperately to not let people see that, seem so backward to others.

-> [Never Meant to Know]

-> Just the whole idea that there is so much about this world that Icarus cannot and should not be privy to until the correct time - how they live their life rather peacefully up to that point, not knowing, never knowing. The whole idea of the resets - and how really, truly, Icarus wasn’t supposed to know about *any* of this, how they were supposed to be *dead* and they’re not, they were genuinely *never* meant to know.

-> [Out of the Box]

-> Resets. The whole idea that Icarus has died again and again - and that whole like. Abrupt manner of the resets. How they can be doing something one moment and the next they're outside, surrounded by grass and surprised.

-> [Digital Silence]

-> Icarus siding with Fable, and really, Icarus’ actions in general - How they have to do this, regardless of what others say, and regardless of how it makes them *feel* - they *need* to do what they're doing right now; it's all a means to an end and they *need to* do it - because if they don't, things could go very wrong and very different. (Different in a bad way, of course.)

-> [Alien Blues]

-> Just kind of describing Icarus’ whole life - the pain, the bad, the terrible. The whole idea Icarus plays everything off as a joke - they *don't* let people see what really happens, and the snark and asshole attitude people give them because of that. Also maybe the whole idea of the way the things snark them sometimes after bad things, when they're repeating history in a bad way. (Also also also “I'd do anything for you, Mrs. Highness” something about how they’d do anything for Fable, *anything* - even if it meant killing their family, if it meant that he might love them; if it meant they’d be good and they’d have succeeded in something - succeeded instead of *failing.*)

-> [Under My Skin]

-> Just. Everything with being not entirely yourself. Everything about being yourself on the outside, but having someone else simmering right under your skin, telling you things, making you do things. The entire idea that Icarus isn't entirely all *themself.*

-> [Able]

-> That whole idea of Icarus not wanting to be alone in their own mind sometimes, on top of wanting to just be *fine* - on time of trying to so desperately *convince* themself that they're all entirely and completely fine. Saying it out loud so it properly sets into their mind, so it properly comes to fruition.

-> [Mirror Man]

-> That need to be *seen* by someone - anyone. That need to be heard and seen and known by someone - and the knowledge that if they don't, Icarus will make it worse for not only themself, but *everyone* else - make them live Icarus’ nightmare.

-> [Brass Goggles]

-> A) Copper duo; B) That whole idea, almost, that Icarus likes to shove down their feelings. They like to pretend the Icarus that has bad, upset emotions doesn't exist - at least, when in front of people. That whole idea that they try to present themself as someone who doesn't break down in front of others, they try not to cry and they try so desperately to keep this facade up and teach themself more as time goes on how to do so.

-> [Bleed Magic]

-> In my mind, this is very Midas talking to Icarus. Just that whole idea of Midas knowing what Icarus is like; that whole idea that Icarus is *lonely*, that no one believes them just because of how much they *lied*, and is, somehow, bleeding magic out. Literally, in the direct form of Sherbert's eye (Which was, in a way, *killing* Sherbert - not necessarily the bleeding eye, just simply the fact they didn’t become Quixis when they needed to), as well as the whole concept that due to the fact they didn't become Quixis when they should've, Midas has spent far far too much time and energy and *magic* on them. Icarus literally draining them, bleeding them, leaving them with such little control.

-> [Gold]

-> This being about how everything they touch changes no matter what they do, how they try so hard to keep if from changing - but the wack is random, Midas’ can't control it, and so it *changes,* it changes gold and bright. Everything they touch changes to gold, huh?

-> [Gold]

-> Just, I guess, that whole idea that no matter how many people leave them, or get killed around them, or anything like that, they'll come back. The idea that those people can't break like that, because Icarus has always seen them like a rock that *can't* break.

-> [creature]

-> That whole idea of how Icarus *is* Creation's child. They are creation, in a way. They push His ideals, however subconsciously, into people. He is leading their way, and will be, and this is a good thing. And Icarus pushes and pushes this idea - showing both the good parts of themself, not quite the good parts of Creation, as well as the bad more twisted parts, parts almost completely Fable's fault due to them almost being *His* ideals. (“I am creation, both haunted and holy.”) Also almost that whole idea of the resets, their body re-created and re-created over and over and *over* again. They *are* the embodiment of Creation's powers - a person remade through Him, made in His image, made to be the person *He* wants them to be. Haunted, in the idea they might as well be a ghost, and Holy simply because Fable deems them as such - deems them His favorite.

-> [Path to Isolation]

-> A) Oh my gods this song is so fucking coded what the fuck; B) The whole idea of how loss, be it of someone, or *something* - leads them down this path. Leads Icarus so often down this path of immense anger, leads them down the path of the side of the enemy. That whole idea of everything breaking, be it through their own means or someone else's. That whole idea that going down this path so often means that they're so incredibly alone, and means they can't *recognize* themself - they don't know who they've become in all this pain and hell and *bad*, they can't find it. They just keep falling apart and they don't even know when or where to begin to pick up the pieces.

-> [Bet On It]

-> Just that whole idea that Icarus wants to do the right thing, so desperately. Despite all their doubts, their disbelief, their questions about this world, they want to do the right thing - they *will* do the right thing. They need to. They've put all their effort into doing the right thing - it'd all fall apart if they didn't continue to do that.

[Section Two - Broters. also family <3]

-> [Problems]

-> Am I aware this is on the playlist because of Charles? Yes. Am I going to say this is brothers coded anyway? *absolutely.* Because it is brothers coded - something about Icarus seeing themself as bad and someone who can't be saved, while they view their brother in a significantly better light, and see him as the good one and the one who's gonna save them.

-> [Two Birds]

-> *Separation* - This is very much Icarus and Rae drifting away from each other. Icarus drifting away and leaving and hiding, while Rae continues time and time and *time* again to help them and save them and drag them back *home.*

-> [Family Line]

-> Something just about repeating history, and something about following after your parents, and something about how they'll try to change and change themself so much so they don't mirror their parents, and something about how they have to live with everything their parents have done.

-> [Call Them Brothers]

-> Separation!! Again!! The brothers are apart from each other, separated rather permanently through the resets, and, from Icarus’ point of view, they probably *can't* fix it. They can't mend themselves back together like they used to, they're broken.

-> [Brother]

-> Something about how despite being broken, despite all the separation and time lost that hangs between them, they still rely on each other. They'll still help each other no matter the cost, because, in the end, they're still brothers - they still love each other and they still *care.*

-> [Rule #4 - Fish in a Birdcage]

-> Icarus being trapped and isolated, be it through their own doings or their father's or *anyone's*, and how Rae will always be there to sooth them, help them, care for them, *love them.* He cares so desperately, and he'll do his best to take care of them, and Icarus *believes it* - that he loves them.

-> [Icarus]

-> This one feels *mostly* Rae talking to Icarus - Seeing just how far they've flown, and just how far they're willing to fall. That realization of what Icarus has become after all of this, and trying so very hard to drag Icarus back down in any way he can. The last part is Icarus to Rae, however. That try to get him to stop - that “you can't save me, Rae.” That acknowledgment, no matter when in the timeline, that Rae can't save Icarus. (Icarus has to be the one to save themself.)

-> [The Family Jewels]

-> Just that whole idea of cycles - that whole idea of just fucked their whole family is. That whole idea that this cycle of pain and suffering will continue until *they* (Icarus) stops it. Their almost snark to Rae, that idea that they only share *one* last name - Morningstar - and not both. Also that whole idea of Icarus being the favorite - that Fable conditioned them to be the “better” one, conditioned them to be like *this.* (Also just the whole idea of “jewels” - royalty. That idea, almost, of Icarus welcoming Rae to this life. This life of trying too hard, so very hard to be perfect - to be the best, to be royalty, because they have to be. And, arguably, that realization that Rae never had to live that life. That realization Rae never *had* to be the perfect one - Rae got to. Live normally, pretty much. Whereas Icarus grew up young having to be a prince and be as perfect as they could.))

-> [Sparkbird]

-> The whole idea of Icarus noticing little things, pointing them out, needing Rae to notice them. The whole idea that Icarus grew up far *far* too quickly, and Rae is almost their outlet of that - they want so desperately to make up for a) all the time they lost with the resets, and b) all the times Icarus was just an asshole to him.

-> [When the Day Met the Night]

-> Did Sherb say this was Fable, Enderian, and Isla? Yes. Am I going to say it’s brothers coded anyway? Also yes. Just the whole idea of how Rae is always there for Icarus, and how they make each other better when they’re together, and how yes, they often have their bad moments between each other, but in the end, there’s always good - in the end they always manage to find a way to have the sun shine brightly upon them, how in the end they still love and care to deeply about each other.

-> [Icarus]

-> Rae to Icarus. That whole idea that Rae can so easily see through Icarus’ front - so easily see what they're trying to hide. The idea that Rae can so easily see the danger Icarus so often leads themself to, and so often tries to deter them away from that. The whole thing of Rae so often giving Icarus an *out* - asking them questions, leading them in the right direction. (Or, at the very least, trying his hardest to do so.)

-> [I've Got You]

-> Considering this is a Zenni song, and one made for Fable specifically, it doesn't *really* need an explanation - However, just like. The whole idea that despite everything, despite all the brothers have been through and all their arguing and all their bad and terrible, Icarus and Rae still care about each other. Icarus will still keep Rae safe no matter what happens, because that's what older brothers *do*, that's what *family* does.

[Section Three - Season one, am I right or am I right-]

-> [Fine]

-> Just that whole idea at the beginning of season 1 that everything was actually *okay.* It was fine, it was okay, they were all *okay.* Nothing bad had happened yet (at least, not that they could remember), and it was all going well - and the idea that it was going to *continue* to go well. To them, nothing bad was going to happen, because why would it? It's all gone well up to this point - why would it start now?

-> [My Eyes]

-> This is very early corruption - the first part being Icarus, that slow realization of what they're falling into - bad and anger and hopelessness (almost?), and that whole idea that they're getting *worse.* The second part is Momboo - almost trying to comfort herself and Icarus, convince herself and Icarus of what they (Icarus) *really* wants - that they don't want to be bad, truly. (Regardless of their actions, and what Momboo and Co see so clearly in front of them.)

-> [If I Killed Someone for You]

-> Icarus to Momboo in early corruption. The idea of their true sense of self - or at least, the sense of self they had before - is slowly rotting away as corruption takes hold. Slowly killing the good person they were, slowly killing them, and leaving only the bad, ugly, and bloodied pieces of them. Would she still care about them, still hold their hands, if they weren't the same person she had fallen in love with?

-> Could also be viewed as Icarus to Momboo in late corruption, more towards the end, after killing Haley. How there's physically blood and gore on their hands, and would she still hold their hands knowing that that covered their hands like that.

-> [Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)]

-> Corruption. Basically Icarus to *everyone* - That snark of “am I *really* that bad?” because they know, if necessary, they can be so *so* much worse. That acknowledgment that if anyone else was in their shoes, they'd probably drop to the same lows they had - the same bad, terrible and horrible actions. (Well - they *think.* They come to know later that probably wouldn't be the case, but it's almost what they end up believing up until, really, Breaking Bonds.) Just that whole idea of their mentality during corruption - how bad they can be, and how much worse they could be, and how much someone else in their same shoes would be just as bad.

-> [Ways to Be Wicked]

-> Very Ominous Bane. Just that whole idea of there being so many ways they can just be *evil.* The whole idea of trying to convince people to join their side, to join their cause, to change the story, to be *bad.*

-> [Heathens]

-> Sherb said this is very Easton talking to Athena about Ominous Bane/Icarus, Centross, and kinda sorta Seven, and I very much agree with that. Just the whole idea of a *warning* - of how messy and chaotic and bad Ominous Bane can be. The whole idea of everything they've been through before this, be it if they remember it or not, and how it affects them still to this day. The whole concept of someone trying to warn Athena of what they're getting into, *tell them* what everyone here is like.

-> [I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE]

-> Just that whole idea of wanting to be seen as good by Enderian - almost? That whole idea of *wanting* to be her puppet, and wanting her to tell them what to do. (And that whole idea of after it, wanting to be redeemed.)

-> [Twisted]

-> Hot take - Icarus taunting people. Icarus trying to get Ominous Bane with them to help taunt people - *specifically* Athena. Just that whole idea of trying to get them to believe that, a, they're not a hero, they're not going to be - and b, this world as it is, isn't worth saving. They need to mess with it, blow stuff up, kill people, *something* to make it worth it.

-> [Ramalama (Bang Bang)]

-> Just the whole idea of Icarus and Co going around and blowing shit up. Just the snark and annoyance and bullshit they say during it, and the stuff they tell people while they're blowing stuff up - the whole *loudness* and bangs of the explosions - all of it.

-> [Secret]

-> Icarus asking Athena to keep all of this - Ominous Bane, *everything* about corruption - a secret. That loosely veiled threat of what would happen if Athena told *anyone* - what would happen to *them* if they dare spill that to others. The fact that Icarus so desperately wanted to keep corruption, keep their actions, keep Ominous Bane and Athena's involvement in it, a *secret.* (And how, in the end, they can't. Because in the end, Athena *tells* - and Athena gets hurt because of that, but they also get *saved* because of it.)

-> [Hawk in the Night]

-> Icarus to Athena - That whole idea of Athena doing good and being what Icarus wants her to be for them and Ominous Bane. That whole idea that Athena should fight against their friends, stop trying to call out to them for help, stop trying anything - and being proud when Athena would finally end up doing that, cutting ties.

-> Hot take, not in the correct spot in the playlist for this, but also Fable talking to Icarus - be it before or after the cathedral. That whole idea of Fable *wanting* Icarus to isolate themself from their friends and brother, and being pleased when they did that; as well as the whole idea of fighting your friends and family and siding with the “bad guys” and not, well, your family. (Or well, Your family family. The people who really love you. The people who’d care if you’d die. The people who want you to be there and you to be around them.)

-> [Sharks]

-> Just that whole idea of Icarus and Ominous Bane almost taunting Athena while he’s with them. The whole idea that everyone knows, that Athena thinks they can be better than everyone else (when in reality they’re just the same), and the whole idea that one day Athena will see that all she’s doing is swimming with sharks that want her gone and dead and hurt the same as everyone else.

-> Another hot take, Rae to Icarus around A Brother’s Final Stand. That whole idea that one day Icarus will realize their mistakes and missteps and wrong doings and how *Fable* is wrong, and they’ll truly realize how in too deep they are, and just how deep they’ve gone to swim with the sharks.

-> [Lies]

-> Just that whole idea of *all* the lies Icarus tells during season 1. To others, to get people on their side; to Ominous Bane to make themself look better; to *themself* to hide away they're *cracking.*

-> [We Both Reached for the Gun]

-> That whole idea of being a puppet to someone else. That whole idea of someone standing behind you, trying to control your actions and words and *everything* about you. That whole idea of corruption, being a puppet to yourself - in a weird sort of way. And that whole idea that during corruption and Ominous Bane, Centross tried so desperately to make Icarus do what *he* wanted.

-> [Wolf in Sheep's Clothing]

-> Just the whole idea of corruption. All that anger and upset and *mad* - targeted at *everyone.* Arguably, Icarus to Centross. Just that anger at how he gets to Enderian, that anger he gets to do whatever *he* wants, and they're delegated to. whatever this is. All of the arguing that happens between them - it's very season 1 prison duo.

-> [Play With Fire]

-> This is Centross and Enderian, yes; *Arguably* them almost taunting Icarus. The whole idea of them getting to do all of this, and do it *together* - while Icarus hasn't even gotten to *talk* to Enderian.

-> [Can't Stand the Rain]

-> Just that whole idea of literally not being able to stand the rain - how it's constant, how it means this just keeps going and going and *going* and they're not really getting any further than before. (Also like that whole idea of love - how there's truly no such thing as it, as long as this keeps going; as long as they’re corrupted.)

-> [Bust Your Kneecaps (Johnny Don't Leave Me)]

-> Three Strikes Three Strikes Three Strikes. This is so *incredibly* three strikes coded. Just that whole idea of Icarus taunting Athena, chasing after them and everyone else, threatening them. The way that Icarus was fully willing to hunt and kill all of them - fully willing to *go there* and hurt them like that.

-> [6up 5oh Copout (Pro / Con)]

-> This is so very prison coded. Just that whole anger at the fact they were even *put there* - the idea that people would dare misuse their trust like that to trap them. The anger of being alone and trapped and the fact no one was even *considering* letting them out. That need and what to be *out* because they were perfectly fucking *fine* - they didn't need to be trapped like this, why did they even *think* Icarus needed to be trapped like this?

-> [Murders]

-> Getting put in the prison. The idea that they go looking for something, they’re promised something and they work incredibly hard to get to that point - but in the end the prison ruins that for them. In the end, all their efforts were really worth nothing. All their efforts to see the end of this weren’t worth anything because look at where they are now. Look at where this has gotten them - trapped in a prison, panicked and alone and *hurt.*

-> [Nothing Left To Lose]

-> Loose Ends Loose Ends Loose Ends. This is so very incredibly Loose Ends coded. Just that whole idea of Icarus’ to put Centross into the prison - and their attempt at that. Then Centross almost immediately trying to put *them* back into the cell. The following argument and then Centross flying off, Icarus and Rae following. And then the whole idea of Icarus trying so *desperately* to keep him from blowing up their house - and failing because Centross just doesn't give a shit. Centross doesn't have any attachments to them anymore, they've served their purpose (his words), and he doe\snt need to keep them or their house or their anything around any longer - and so he goes through with blowing it up. He leaves Icarus alone there to pick up whatever they can.

-> [As the World Caves In]

-> The season 1 finale - just that whole idea of Centross blowing up the tree, the world literally caving in as Fable rips away yet another page. The way everyone gets ready, gathers around for the funeral of a woman none of them *really* knew, ready to mourn, but not knowing the events that would follow; they get ready for a funeral - only it’s not *only* Haley’s, but also their own. Sure they’ll come back, but the world will still cave in, and the person that sat in those seats will be long gone by the time they do.

-> Arguably also could be the season 2 reset - that whole idea of getting ready and dressing up and *armoring* up to fight Perix/The Warden and getting to that point, putting her soul into the portal frame; only to find Midas had switched Fable and Haley and it was all for nothing, and. Oh. Now the world is caving in - it’s falling apart.

-> [What if Tomorrow Comes]

-> I guess really that whole idea of hoping that Centross blowing up the tree isn't really, truly, the end of this all. That hope that tomorrow will come regardless because this can’t be the end. But also almost that doubt and unknown of if it really would come - that idea that, to them, it really seemed like they were *going* to die with no way of coming back. (And that whole idea of being proven very wrong as they wake up a few weeks later in a reset world, and slowly work to get their memories back as time goes on. That realization that tomorrow *will* come because it came once, it came tens of times before, so it’ll come again and again until they figure all of this out and stop it.)

[Section Four - Season two, why are at least a half of these about putting centross in the prison. *sherb*]

-> [New Life]

-> Just that whole idea of how since no one remembers at the beginning of the Sculk reset, they all - Icarus especially - have an opportunity to, at least until they remember properly, start anew. Icarus doesn’t remember, and for a while no one really remembers them, so they have an opportunity to have a new life; to rebuild things long since broken and make them better. Icarus doesn't have to worry about everything they did in the past if no one can remember it, meaning they get a free past to - at least, for a while, and for all intents and purposes - start a new life on a clean slate.

-> [People I Don't Like]

-> Very much Centross at the beginning of season 2 - to everyone really; though considering this *is* the Icarus playlist, it's arguably to Icarus. Just that whole idea that Centross *knows* them and everything they did and all the feelings he holds about them - and the whole idea that Icarus just. Doesn't. That whole thing of Centross trying to make himself seem good in everyone's eyes, save face and all of that - especially to Icarus. (Especially considering Icarus has/had *very* strong feelings about everything Centross did and told them and. All of that. Not that they remembered all of that at the beginning of the reset, but. Concept.)

-> [Turn The Lights Off]

-> The whole vibe at the beginning of season 2 that people shouldn't go to the end - or at least go to the end *alone* - because look at where that got people last time. Don’t go to the end because you could end up corrupted just like *they* did, and they don’t want that to happen again.

-> Part of me would also say, maybe not within this season, but also season 3 - with the end, that this could also be used in reference to the Worldport and how it’s decaying and how that’s where Quixis is and everything that happens every time Icarus goes in there.

-> You could also maybe make the argument that it’s about Purgatory and Fable - Don’t go with him, don’t go in there and subject yourself to that because you could become more of a monster than a man - more of a loyal soldier than yourself, more of a guard dog than a person. Don’t go down that hole, turn those lights off, because who knows what will happen. (Don’t side with him because you’ll become the monster you’ve always feared becoming - you’ll become the person you’ve never wanted to become.)

-> [The Devil You Know]

-> That whole idea of Icarus not remembering - but also *wanting* not to remember. Icarus has seen the way people react to them, they don't want to remember that person. Sure, right now they're not the *most* amazing person, but they can tell that they were so so much worse before - and they don't want to remember that. It's better to *just* remember the devil they are now, the person they've become, than the person - devil - they were before.

-> [What Did I Do?]

-> Very much season 2 Icarus runaway arc. Just that whole lead up if it - that idea of them wondering what they've done for months and months, and their proposal of an *arena*, and the fallout, the way they ran. That whole idea of them not knowing what they did, what they were, who they were; that whole idea of them wondering what they *did* to be looked at like *that* - what they did to be talked to like that and threatened, what they did to make their family (the only semblance of stability they had even during season 2) so *afraid* of them. (And almost the idea that they were afraid of that - afraid and scared of being viewed in such a way; that idea that this is an active fear that they have.)

-> [It's Not the Same Anymore]

-> Very much Icarus remembering - but less that immediate “*oh fuck yeah I remember!*” and more that “oh. fuck. I *remember.*” Just that whole idea of now that they remember, nothing back home, nothing within town, is going to be the same. None of it will have the same connotations to it, and none of their relationships with people will be the same - because now Icarus *knows* and now they're going to be far, *far* more cautious with their words and actions. It's not the same - and oh how they remember just how fucking *miserable* they were. Additionally, that kind of whole idea of how they should be happy, they should be happy now that they've remembered everything - they *know* now; but really, in the long term, remembering everything just makes it so so much harder to navigate *everything.* (The vibe the end of the song really gives is after all of the Prison Arc Part 2, Icarus trying to make up and make their relationships and friendships and *everything* better - fix them up and pick up broken pieces.)

-> [Could've Been Me]

-> Remembering but we're happy this time! Don't think about all of the consequences and bad feelings and *everything* that comes with remembering you're a horrible person - only focus on the fact you remembered and can now go home and definitely totally be incredibly happy with your family again! All jokes aside, that's very much the vibe this song has. Just that whole idea of Icarus being incredibly happy that they've remembered everything - that they can go *home* finally, they don't have to stay out in the middle of nowhere alone because they're terrified of hurting people. Also that whole idea of everything they want to do now that they remember and know where the line is - know what they can say that won't tow too far over a line and/or trigger someone.

-> [Brutus]

-> Oh to be Icarus Morningstar upon opening their door, post remembering, and seeing David Centross Mistvale. Just that whole anger and upset Icarus holds for Centross after they remember. That anger at what he did, at what he didn't do, at what he said and told them, the anger at what he *left them with* - and the anger that *he* got to talk to Enderian. He got to hear her and listen to her and know her, and Icarus didn't. He was her favorite, and *gods* how that made Icarus so very angry. And the whole idea of how that anger carries over - how Icarus so desperately wanted what Centross had, and didn't get it, and now that they remember they want to *make* it known just how angry they are. (And that whole idea and action of putting him in the prison.)

-> [Absinthe]

-> Very similar to Brutus - that just *anger* at Centross for all of this. That anger at everything he did and everything he said and everything about the endstone reset. And also that way they *don't* believe that front he's put him since the beginning of the reset - don't believe the “good guy” front he's tried to keep up since appearing this reset.

-> [The Main Character]

-> The whole idea that they can do this - do what they're doing to Centross, and *keep doing it* because there are worse people than them out there - there are so so much worse people than them out there, so they can do this, because, well, they’re better; they’re not bad bad like a lot of people. The idea that this is okay because of everything else.

-> [You're Not Welcome]

-> Just all of that angry Icarus holds for Centross bubbling over - this *is* the act of putting him in the prison. That need to make it known he's *not* welcome - the idea they try to convince both themself and him of that no one would care if he just disappeared. And, well. Welcome to the first of like four more detailed line by line analysis cause i'm a loser.

“Don't you know you're not welcome ‘round here?” Just that whole idea of Icarus being willing to lock him away because they fully believe, what to believe, want *him* to believe that he's not welcome - he's not welcome and therefore that makes their following actions “okay.”

“I think you should go ‘fore you cause some drama.” Almost that idea that he needs to leave - he shouldn't be here. That whole idea that he should leave before *they* do something. That whole idea that if he stays, regardless of if he does something, they’re going to *hurt him.*

“Don't you know I'm the one you should fear?” They *want* him to be afraid of them - want him fear them so they *finally* have that upper hand on him. (Want him to be afraid of them like they were afraid of him after they got out of the prison - want him to know that fear, want them to be able to get their revenge.)

“Talk to me if you've got a problem.” That whole idea that Icarus wants to be the one to deal with him - that whole thing of no one else dealing with Centross the way *Icarus* thinks he should be dealt with.

“I can't believe you used to truly scare me.” Because he *did* genuinely scare them - after they were uncorrupted they were genuinely and truly scared of him. However, like this, with the offer that Icarus can stab him, with the way he just lets himself get put into the prison, he's really not that scary. They can't believe he used to genuinely scare them when he's just. almost pitiful like this - in the prison.

“You were like a ghost story told to keep me weary. But I never listened, no, I slept good ‘til morning.” Arguably *he* was the one telling them the ‘ghost stories’ - the warnings he'd tell them, the arguments they'd get into. The way Icarus never heeded them, only pushing further and further until they tipped him (or themself) over the edge. The way Icarus would just sleep it off - because that's what they always did.

“And when our paths finally crossed, I didn't heed the warning.” Similar to that last line - Icarus didn't heed any warning. Icarus just kept pushing and pushing and pushing, arguing with Centross over and over and *over* again.

“Then push, push, push, push. Yeah, you pushed me to the edge.” Haley. Arguably, Centross was part of the reason Icarus killed her in the first place. That need to prove themself not only to Enderian, but also to Centross. That need to prove they weren't useless (weren't a *failure*), that they could be of use to Ominous Bane and weren't just *there* - that they could *do something.*

“I used to dread the thought of falling quickly” Something something resets something something. While they don't remember them or know about them at this point in time, just that whole idea of falling like that. Also, arguably, that whole idea of falling into an ideal and thought process - that idea they don't like to do that quickly, they don't like falling down a thought rabbit hole without thinking and considering it properly first. (Even though they do that so incredibly often.)

“But now I just wish that you'd send me off that ledge - So I can finally fucking take you with me” But also that whole idea that if it meant Centross was going down with them? if them falling down a thought rabbit hole, if them falling and doing something terrible, meant Centross would go down with them? If him pushing them to that point meant they'd go down *together* - two birds, one stone and all - and no one could be hurt by him again? Oh Icarus would gladly fall down. They'd gladly let themself if it meant they could kill or hurt or do *something* to him that meant they were going down together.

-> [Blood // Water]

-> Just that whole idea of Icarus being so very angry at Centross for all of this. That whole idea of there literally being blood in the water - he tried to kill all of them, and he *did* kill hundreds more. That whole idea that Icarus doesn't plan on letting him go *any* time soon - they want him so desperately to know just how what he did made them feel. (Also “you poisoned me just for another dollar in your pocket” that whole idea that he let Icarus dig themself into this hole, he argued and argued and *argued* and pushed and poisoned their mind with thoughts and words that *stuck.*)

-> [Lonely]

-> They hate each other, yes. However, What if they held hands about it? Maybe even kissed about it. Just like. That whole idea of of how during the season 2 prison arc they were really each other's *only* company. They were alone, but alone together. Yeah they hated each other - but they still *had* each other. That whole idea Icarus was *alone* - but they still had someone, regardless of how much they hated each other. (Also “Hey love, Have mercy on me, and keep me company” is very Centross to Icarus. Just that idea of wanting mercy, wanting Icarus to *stop* hurting him - but also still wanting that company because they were *alone.*)

-> [GONER]

-> They definitely still hate each other - like absolutely still hate each other. Like they are arguing and fighting and snapping at each other every fucking opportunity they get the longer Centross is in the prison - especially more towards the end, Centross is being just as snippy and antagonistic towards Icarus as they're being to him. That whole idea of Centross snipping at them - that idea of “at least he fights back when he's imprisoned.” However, arguably, they also probably kissed about it. They hate each other - but like, sometimes you have to acknowledge the other person is definitely a little kiss-able. (“You look so damn appetizing” like. *like.* so many of these lines imply they at the very *very* least kissed about it.)

-> [Forgive Me Chester]

-> Very end of season 2/the season 2 reset. Really that whole idea of seeing the 3 people you've spent your life chasing after all at once, all in the same room, all together. That idea of fighting the Warden, that whole idea of trying to get Fable out, that whole idea of trying to finally chase the bad away - chase the resets and the Warden and the anger and the bad and *all of it.*

-> Verse one is very much talking about Haley; Verse two is about Centross (prison duo the beloved); Verse three is about Rae, something about broters and their relationship being good for that bit at the end there.

-> [Rock in a God's Shoe]

-> Just that general demeanor of late season 2 - trying to figure out if Fable getting out would *actually* help (even if Icarus really really wants him back), and that whole idea of trying to figure out if he will actually be on their side or not. That worry after everything that happened with Perix that maybe he isn't. Also that idea of Fable not giving that much information, and them all trying their absolute *hardest* to figure out how to get him out. (Also that bit at the end is Icarus to Midas coded, especially with the glitchy voice, and in this essay I will-)

-> [Moonsickness]

-> Very much the season 2 reset. The annoyance at Fable, that annoyance and *anger* at Quixis. That very demeanor they have toward Quixis at the end - being done with them and being annoyed at them; them seeing themself as a failure because of *course* they fucked up the thing that was supposed to help them. They can't do anything right ever - they fuck up *everything* they touch. Also, hot take, Midas talking to Icarus and Fable (and almost the grove in general? but I feel like *mostly* Fable). and, well, I have thoughts about some of these lines, so take this silly more specific analysis. (Not *every* line, just some I picked. Because if i picked all the lines we’d be here forever.)

“Everybody knows this place is dying, as am I.” Something about Midas dying as the Worldport does - decaying and falling with their realm. Something about the season 2 reset showing the world *literally* dying, falling apart, crumbling and everyone *knowing* it.

“I might not get another chance.” Midas switching Haley and Fable - they *knew* they probably weren't going to get another chance to try and stop Fable like that. As well as the whole idea of the grove only having one chance to open the portal - they, Icarus especially as the one who *put* Perix's soul in the frame, fully thought this was their *only* opportunity to get Fable out. Obviously this is proven wrong in season 3 - but they didn't *know that.*

“I am such a fuckup, if you only knew that I am such a fuck up.” Something about Icarus seeing themself as a failure - a fuckup. They couldn't even get their father out correctly, why can't everyone just see how much of a failure they are? Why can't everyone see how much they ruin everything they touch? (And, arguably, Midas as well. That whole idea of them failing in their duties to bring Icarus when they were supposed to, leading to so so *so* many worlds decaying.)

“And I am the worst mistake that God has ever made.” Sort of that same idea as the last one - that idea of Icarus seeing themself as a failure. Only this time it's more related to their Dad than themself. He made them, they're *his* child - therefore, if they see themself *that* badly, they're the worst mistake he's ever made. They're a terrible fucking person and they're a *failure.*

“But I make lemons out of lemonade.” Wack wack wack wack. This line is so very about the wack. Something about changing things from one thing to another in a way that *shouldn't be possible.*

“In your guts you know it's all destroyed.” Okay, Midas to Fable. Something about Fable knowing that this world is dying - something about how Fable would *know* the outcome of doing all of this. He would know that Rae would figure it out one day, the cause of the resets, and it wouldn't go *well* - that his relationship with one or both of his sons would be destroyed. (Also, mayhaps, Midas to Icarus - that whole idea that the world is destroyed and their chance at getting Fable out (at least this time) is *also* destroyed.)

“None of us belong, Everything I do is wrong.” Something about everyone being pulled into the resets from different time periods, being shifted and tugged and placed into the present but not quite *belonging* there. Something about how Icarus tries their very hardest to be *good* - but so much of what they do ends up being wrong on so many levels. (But it's all they know.) Something about how Midas tries their very best to fix and fix and *fix* and they can't really - it almost always ends up *wrong.*

“And in your blood you know what's right.” Midas to Icarus - that whole idea that Icarus has Fable's blood running through their veins, that they believe that he is *right.* Even if in the moment they don't know him well, don't remember him well, they still subconsciously think what they're doing that mirrors Fable's own actions is *right.*

Could also be Midas to Fable? That might be a slippery slope to climb and explain though.

“And in your bones you know what's wrong.” Midas to Icarus - something about Icarus so often knowing, but not *acknowledging*, that what they're doing is wrong. Icarus *knows* it's wrong, deep in their bones, they really really do. (But rarely do they acknowledge that.)

Could *also* be Midas to Fable for similar reasons.

“And in your throat you know you're lying to kids” Midas to Fable - While they're not *literally* kids and children still, they are *his* kids - and he's lying to them. Fable is lying to his kids and he *knows* it, not that he'll acknowledge that ever.

“And you know nobody belongs in this hell.” Midas to Fable - Something about Fable *knowing* none of them belong in this hell of resets and everything; that he should probably just let life run its course, let it go as it *should* - but he doesn't. And he's dooming them to this hell none of them belong in. (And he knows they don't.)

“I am God's worst Mistake” Just. Icarus. Once again just that whole idea that they just think of themself as a *failure* - especially after the portal glitches. They can't keep doing this - at some point they're just. A mistake. (Arguably, could also be seen directed more at Quixis as well - the way Quixis made them like this with the eye and all.)

“And you seem happy on the knife's edge, but I just lick the blade.” Midas to Fable - That idea that Fable kind of hovers on the knife's edge, but never tips over it. He tows a line, about to tetter over. The way Midas will *gladly* tip over that line - lick the blade, on this case - they'll go down, tetter over that edge, but they sure as fuck won't do it quietly or unnoticeable.

“And I'm the worst mistake your God has ever made.” Arguably, Midas to Icarus. Fable is the reason they couldn't get to Icarus - Fable is the reason they're *like this.* And, *arguably,* Fable is kind of sort of Icarus’ God. Also just that whole idea that Fable is the reason for *so much* between Midas and Fable. And now Midas is *angry.* Mistake in this case isn't a bad thing - mistake in this case is more “Midas is about to make their anger *very* much Fable's problem - and it's his fault.”

“Invisible hand savior, fucking up your definitions even though it's life or death.” Midas to Fable - Fable is, in this case, the invisible hand. He saves Icarus every *single* reset - he *is* the savior, and he's fucking up definitions *every* time he does it. Even though it's life or death, even though Icarus absolutely *should* die, they should be dead, they're not. He's literally fucking up definitions everytime he rips a page out or edits or does *anything* to As It Is.

“Don't you think it matters when we wish our friends the best.” Midas to Fable - again. Something about Fable wishing Rae and Co good luck on figuring out what the resets were being caused by - when *he* was the one causing them. It *should* matter that he wished them luck, but it really doesn't considering he *knew.*

“Because of all this bullshit I'm not anything at all.” Midas in general really - something about how they're just trying to fix everything now, but they're not really a person anymore. They're alone and they're almost a god and they're *angry.*

“There's nothing to believe in and there won't be ‘till we fall” Okay this line goes *far* deeper into the finale and things than it should. This is Midas talking to Fable but for once they're not being an *asshole* - they're lumping themself in with him. Something about Fable dying at the end of Fable, and Midas passing their torch (metaphorically falling/dying), and the way it leaves room for new gods - new gods people will actually *like* and believe in and won't cause harm and and and. Something about Midas knowing that until both of them are gone, no one is going to properly believe for a *while.*

“I can't get the numbers right - I can't fucking count because not one goddamn thing is in it's place.” Midas to Icarus *or* Vice versa (Icarus to Midas). Something about the wack changing and altering so so *so* much neither of them are really them anymore. Nothing is like it should be, and it hasn't been for a while. The Worldport is decaying, soon Midas will be too. Icarus isn't themself - they haven't been in a *while.* The eye isn't theirs (not that they *know* that), all of the purple isn't theirs, some of their members *aren't theirs.* Nothing is in it's place and that's *really* fucking shit up.

“You fuckers know it's all built on lies” Midas to *both* Icarus and Fable. Just that whole idea of how Fable manipulates and abuses in the way he does; twisting words and fabricating truths, lies laid with the grounds of a truth, but built on things objectively very false. And in Icarus’ case - their entire life and personality is a lie. They act so very differently alone than they do around others, it's all a front. Everything they've built to this point, and *so much* of what they'll build as season 3 starts is built on lies and half truths. (And that whole idea that Midas is *angry* at them.)

“But the beast refuses to die, and so I guess well neither can I.” This line *arguably* also leans very heavily into finale territory - mostly with things we know after the fact though. Just that whole idea that Fable can't die, he refuses to - as long as he's immortal he *can't.* And if Fable is alive, and actively keeping Midas from Icarus - then Midas can't pass the torch, Midas can't *die.* Something about how Midas fully thought they were going to die upon passing the torch to Icarus. If Fable refuses to die, meaning they can't reach Icarus, then Midas *can't* die. (Because what happens then? The Worldport is left without an overseer and wack gets hundreds of times worse? *No* that can't happen. So they power through it to let Icarus see the end.)

[Section Five - You died. Deal with the consequences, Icarus. (Season 3)]

-> [Is There Anybody Here?]

-> The season 3 break my beloved honestly. That's this song in a very very loose nutshell. The season 3 break - both their time in the Worldport as well as their time here. Just that whole idea of trying to find Quixis - and then trying to find *something* that they know and can hold onto. That idea of looking for something, anything, anyone that can help them because they *don't know where they are.* That idea that they're trying to find their way back home, and are struggling because they don't know how.

-> [Maybe Man]

-> Very much that whole mentality Icarus has early season 3. That idea that they *don't* know how they are, not anymore. They're just kind of. Floating. Also that whole idea of trying to figure out who the fuck they even want to be in the first place. They don't really have a direction - they just want to be *something.* (Something that will please people, make them smile whenever Icarus passes by because they're doing *good.*)

-> [Chasing You]

-> That whole idea of how Icarus has spent the past *year* trying to bring Haley back, trying to figure out how to see her and fix their mistake - and that whole idea that now that she's back, now that Midas brought her back, Icarus doesn't know what to do. Icarus doesn't know how to act around her, what they can and cannot and should and should not say/voice, what is too far over a line and what isn't. They're really just left floating not knowing what in the *world* they should do about it.

-> [The Garden]

-> The whole idea of Icarus getting so done with and so incredibly over Quixis and the wack and the changes and *us.* The whole idea of wanting to dig them up and out and remove them completely, no matter the consequence, no matter where it would get them in the end. The whole idea of how Midas knows their name - and we have to figure it out - and the way they don’t, and the way, more often than not, we as chat snark at them and are very passive aggressive sometimes, rather than being helpful - and how they don’t like that.

-> [New Eyes]

-> Two samples Two samples Two samples. Just, Icarus about the eyes in general. The finding put that the purple eye's blood *isn't theirs*, and the following realization that if the blood isn't theirs, then the eye itself isn't theirs either. That want and that need for people - Midas - to stop changing them, to give them *their* eye back - so they can see with new ones; so they can see with the eyes that were always *supposed* to be theirs. (Also just the general idea of needing to see things through a new lens, see things better, because they're suffering and hurting and *no one* seems to see it, and how one day that fact might kill them. (And well, it does, doesn't it?))

-> Sage and their ability to be so normal got this one on the playlist. We win these.

-> [The Tornado]

-> So very Unlocked - this *is* the Unlocked song. That whole idea of them being used to the wack, being almost surprised as it just *kept getting worse*, *the wings,* the running to the bunker and the *yelling* at Midas, Fable finding them, and - arguably - the aftermath of the wings and those few streams following Unlocked where they were just trying to heal and fix and *clean* up the path they had made. (Okay yes Quixis ascension, yes, but we’re not at that part in the playlist yet - so.) And, well. Some more detailed line analysis because I’m a loser.

“It was just startin' to drizzle as I walked out the door, But I've delivered papers in the rain like that before.” Just that whole idea that the wack being weird - being worse, changing their house more than normal, changing *them* and their clothes more than normal - was okay, in their mind. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s done this before, and everything was fine for both them and others - why worry about it this time?

“3:30 in the morning, I was happy as a lark.” That idea that Icarus was so very happy to get Fable out. They were so happy and excited, because this was what they had been working to for months and years and *resets* and they had finally been able to do it. They might’ve been a little worried, but they were mostly *happy.*

“The wind was pickin' up and howlin' louder all the time.” The redstone beginning as they were all standing in front of the now open portal - the way they weren’t expecting it, the way it just kept picking up and getting *worse* no matter what they did to stop it.

“The sky churned like a cauldron and the distant thunder roared, And I knew that I was in for quite a storm.” The redstone picking up, but also the fact Fable hadn’t come out yet - and they had been waiting and waiting for the others to get him for *minutes* now and it was beginning to worry everyone outside of the portal; that idea that they *knew* something might be up - with Fable or the wack.

“A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on.” Up to this point, the wack hadn’t hurt *anyone* - well, with the exception of Icarus themself. Sure it had hurt and changed and wacked animals and blocks and all that - but never Icarus’ friends and family. It hurt them time and time again - but they were fine after all of it (for the most part - with the exception of the many breakdowns and *the eye*), why should they worry about others getting hurt? It had never *severely* hurt them like that; so they kept going and standing there and letting it get worse upon that assumption that it *wouldn’t do that.*

“And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn.” Just that way they were so desperately trying to convince themself that it was all okay - that the group in Purgatory *will* bring Fable out and it’ll be okay. The wack will be fine and it’ll stop and it’s just a small little bad thing before they get Fable back - that desperate way they try to convince themself it’ll be okay.

“Lightning struck an oak tree as I leapt off my bike.” The way the redstone, the *bad* just keeps getting worse and worse as time goes on. Regardless of what they do it gets worse and they can’t seem to *stop it.*

“The sirens started wailing, but there was no good place to hide.” That whole idea that Icarus really, really, *really* wanted to run - they wanted their dad and they wanted the wack to *stop* because it just kept getting worse and they really, really wanted to just run. But they knew they column’t because running would make things so so much worse - so they don’t run, they just stand there and let it keep getting *worse.*

“I knew without a doubt there was a twister touchin' down.” That idea that they *knew* it was only going to get worse and worse the longer they stood there, without a doubt, but there wasn’t anything they could *do about it* - they just had to power through whatever happens, like they always do.

“The little bit of courage I had left was almost gone.” Something about how at the beginning of Unlocked they were mostly okay - that had *some* bits of courage - but the longer no one came out of the portal and the longer all the redstone did was get bigger, and the longer they just *stood there* the more that courage just. faded.

“And then the nightmare started, it got deafeningly loud.” Momboo. The redstone getting bigger and the wack *hurting her* (hurting someone other than Icarus, for once) and the way they almost *immediately* panicked and ran (or, at least tried to) off. And then like the following moments of running and running and trying to fly and then their wings *shattering.*

“Every fiber in me screamed out, but I couldn't make a sound.” Something about how they screamed as their wings broke, but about how their panic after the fact was so very quiet. They weren't screaming - they were just hurt and in pain and weren't going well but were trying so desperately to keep it under wraps. They refused to let themself break at *any* point during the run to the bunker, refused to let themself fall apart like that. They wouldn't - they *couldn't.*

“It sounded like a freight train was draggin' me to hell.” Something about the particular way the the wings sounded when they shattered - so *loud* and overwhelming as they crystalized and as Icarus *fell.* Even louder as they shattered against their own weight and Icarus’ back. They dragged Icarus *down.* (Metaphorically dragging Icarus to hell, I suppose.)

“And this was my prayer, "Save me from this terrible nightmare"” *Icarus yelling at Midas.* This line is os Icarus yelling at Midas, both on their way and inside of the bunker. They just wanted Quixis to *stop*, to know why they just kept *doing all of this* to Icarus and their friends. -They just wanted Quixis to stop, and they just wanted someone to be there for them and save them because *gods* they hurt so very badly.

“That was when I saw my family with my eyes shut real tight.” Fable showing up at the bottom of the bunker - they literally see their family. Also something about how they just wanted this to stop - their eyes shut and the denial of the past delays creeping back up on them.

“Would they know how much I loved them if this was how I died?” *Would they?* How many times does Icarus tell their family they love them? (How many times do people tell *them* that?) Would their family know just how much Icarus loved and cared about them if Icarus died - if they died like *this* with no one around?

“No, I vowed I'd not be murdered by a monster in the sky that night.” If you think about it - this injury could’ve killed them. It didn’t - and they definitely didn't want them to - but it *could’ve.* But they wanted to so desperately survive and live and *not* let Midas’ actions get the better of them - they vowed it wouldn’t happen.

“But if I went home to heaven, at least that's where I'd belong.” Midas’ would’ve pulled them before they died (just like they did in the finale) if the injury *did* kill them - they would’ve been where they belong because they were meant to become Quixis *decades* ago; that, the worldport, Quixis, was supposed to be their home for years yet it *wasn’t* - it's where they belong but, at this moment, they’re not there.

“There was nothin' but destruction and wreckage in that town.” The mess the path and wack made; the redstone in front of the portal; *the tree.* (Their wings.) It was all a mess and destroyed and, for at least some of that - there was no fixing it. It was just destroyed and they just had to deal with that.

“And that was how I learned to live when you can run, but you can't hide.” They could run from hurting Momboo, and they could run from the wack, and they could run from their wings breaking - but they can’t *hide from it.* They have to deal with the consequences of their actions, they can’t hide from it. They have to see the tree - see their mistakes, see their bad - nearly everyday. They can run from it, sure, but they can’t *hide.*

“How to feel trapped in a tunnel but come out the other side.” They’re trapped and grounded and alone (somewhat - Fable is doing his whole “isolate his kid so they lose attachments” thing) but they come out of it, eventually. They get their wings back, they can fly again - they may have felt trapped for a time but they *made it out.*

“'Cause with all the stormy weather in the world, you learn to take life one storm at a time.” Pulling out the character analysis card - Icarus gets very focused on *one* (big) thing very easily. Their wings, they wanted to fix those - spent weeks trying to get better; Enderian talking to Rae - they were so incredibly stuck on that until they made up; And, the more obvious one from season 3 - Centross. It was a 5 month long storm - but it’s all they focused on. They take their life, especially during season 3, one big problem and thing at a time - focus on *it* and nothing else. (Because focusing on other things means acknowledging just how much you’re hurting, and they can’t do that.) And I mean, it gets Icarus through. They make it to the end going like that. It’s not healthy - but they *make it.*

“I keep hangin' on.” No matter what happens, no matter how close to death they get and no matter how much death would probably be kinder at a point, Icarus is still there. They keep hanging on - keep living and keep just, going through the motions.

-> [Birds]

-> Just that whole idea of how after Unlocked (and arguably also *during* Unlocked) Icarus just wanted to *relax.* They were done and hurting and upset and they just really, really wanted to sit, alone, with the flock. They just want to be calm and relax and not have to think about any of what just happened.

-> [Look Who's Inside Again]

-> Unlocked. Probably Midas to Icarus? Or just someone outside looking in at Icarus in the moment after their wings break. This song specifically being more about Icarus’ desperation to get to their bunker - and their feelings while inside of it. How this is just like the prison - putting themself into a box, a prison, a *room*, to keep people safe. To keep them from hurting people. They're back here again - trapped in a box with no way of getting out until someone comes to get them, yelling at the person who (for all intents and purposes) put them there. They're back here again, *inside* again.

-> The whole idea of Fable, after he gets out, beginning to isolate and cage Icarus - with the guise of keeping them safe. He’s removing them from their friends and family and leaving *him* as the only person Icarus can safely - at least in their mind - rely on.

-> I have further words about Fable and Icarus in regards to this song, and that’s really tying into the “again” aspect of this. Viewing this through the lens that this is Fable isolating Icarus, and the visions of a child shown throughout this song, then it’s not terribly hard to come to the idea that this probably isn’t the first time Fable did this - isolate and cage and manipulate - Icarus. That whole idea that his manipulation and abuse has been going on for much longer than we see on screen - this isn’t a new thing. He did this before and he’s doing it again and Icarus just has to deal with that. (Even if they don’t *know* he did this when they were a child. They don’t remember any of that aspect of themself.)

-> [Let Me Make You Proud]

-> That whole idea that yes, Icarus has failed and made mistakes and disappointed Fable - probably time and time and *time* again - but that they really, really, *really* want to make it up to him. They want to make him proud because they feel so much like a failure after everything that keeps happening - they want to make all their mistakes and missteps up to him. They want to make it up to him and they keep trying and trying and *trying* to do that. (And, arguably, failing at it rather often.)

-> [the fruits]

-> The whole idea of how Icarus wants so desperately to help Fable and all he’s doing, but the idea of how Fable can’t see that they’re not entirely them - can’t see just how much they can keep falling and repeating history and just how badly they’re doing. The whole idea that they can’t help him - they can be the person he wants them to be and the person he’s trying to make them into because they’re not entirely themself in the whole sense of them; they can’t be that if they’re not entirely themself - they can’t help him like he wants them to, and how they spiral because of that.

-> [Loser Baby]

-> Centross and Icarus. Kind of to each other. This song is. So *incredibly* drinking stream coded. Just. That realization of just how similar the two of them are, just how much they have in common, just how much they're both going through the same shitty situation. That realization that they can *rely* on eachother. The realization of how they're so so *incredibly* similar - especially in regards to Enderian and Fable - and how they're both losers, they're both having a bad bad time, but they can do it together. (Which, arguably, they’ve known for a while - but it becomes a lot clearer in the drinking stream; especially with Icarus calling Centross their best friend.)

-> [Down the River]

-> *Breaking Bonds* - This song is very Athena to Icarus. The whole idea that Icarus likes to run and hide and leave the past and everything they’ve done behind and not acknowledge it whatsoever - How they can’t do that; How even if Icarus wants to forget and leave and run, others aren’t going to do that for them - Others are still going to remember all of this and all they’ve done, and what happens to them, the grove, once Icarus leaves and decides to ignore it. What happens then? What happens to all those people you’ve hurt?

-> [Hero]

-> Centross’ death. That way Icarus just spends that immediate moment after him fading just trying to convince themself it's *okay.* They're okay and he's okay and he'll be *back* and it's okay. Them just trying to convince themself it's alright and trying so so desperately to comfort themself in this hell. Arguably, also almost their anger at Fable for killing their best friend - that immediate sharp anger and bared teeth (“I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved.” Just that whole idea that Centross saved them - but he shouldn't have had to. They were the *hero* of this story, no one should have to save them - and no one should have to *die* doing that if they even tried. Icarus’ whole thing is trying to save themself, figure out ways they can fix it *themself.* No one should have to die because Icarus couldn’t do that. They’re a prince, they’re supposed to be alone. People shouldn’t have to die because they weren’t.)

-> [Can't Catch Me Now]

-> Centross almost like. Taunting Fable and trying to comfort Icarus. How he's always going to be there for Icarus, he's always watching over them, even if he can't tell them and show them that physically, he is *there.* But also almost taunting Fable in regards to the fact that Fable can't catch him now; Fable will not find him no matter what he tries and attempts, he will see Centross everywhere, be reminded of him just like Icarus is, and he *will not* find him - and won't be able to bring him back.

-> [Do What You Gotta Do]

-> This that short bit after Fable kills Centross where Icarus just *yells* at Fable. That snark, that anger that Fable *did that* - and Fable's argument that he “did what he had to”, and that was *necessary*; Fable did this (killed Centross) because he had too, Icarus should hear him out. Just that whole conversation between Icarus and Fable after he kills Centross, and that whole falling out between the two of them, and that whole slow manipulation from Fable's end as the conversation continued. (Also Fable's whole “being a god” thing-)

-> [The Cave]

-> Centross to Icarus after the cathedral. How he *will* be there for them, no matter what, but also how he has other duties to attend to - but also also how he can't stick around due to the fact that Fable is currently killing every God in his sight, taking every power for himself. How Centross *wants* Icarus to know he's there for them, but also how he can't physically be there. He'll try his *hardest* to keep them alive - try his hardest to keep them going until the end.

-> [Paid in Exposure]

-> Very much Coworkers - just that whole idea of doing only what they're told and becoming, a, a coworker, and b, one of the bad guys - or the people on the stereotypically “bad” side.

-> [Natural]

-> *Also* Coworkers. That whole idea that for them to be on this side of this war they have to be assholes - they have to be cold and sharp and not care, and the whole idea that they're *good at it.* The idea that all three of them are good at that - they're almost naturals at it. They don't have to practice because they can settle into that role far, far too easily. (Also “Rather be the hunter than the prey” is incredibly Coworkers - because they all know that Fable is hunting gods and hunting people down, and they'd rather be beside him as he does that than cowering beneath his sword.)

-> [Burning Pile]

-> Just like the whole idea of wanting to put all your problems in a big pile and just light them up and on fire - kill them, get rid of them, ignore them. That whole idea of wanting to get rid of all your current problems, all the shitty stuff you’ve gone through, get rid of it all and never properly look back - you’ve burnt it, it’s gone, you don’t have to think about it anymore. (Or, that’s the dream at least. Not really what ends up happening in the end.)

-> [Can't Go Back]

-> Just that whole idea that Icarus should forgive themself - how most of this isn't really *their* fault, and how they should be learning to forgive themself for that - not blame themself for stuff that isn't their fault. (Also the whole idea that none of this is *fair* - it's not fair to them and nor fair for Fable and not fair to *anyone* in the grove.)

-> This definitely feels like Violet trying his absolute hardest to comfort Icarus the best he can even though he can’t physically be there with them in the moment (and he won’t be able to be for a while. (And even when he was able to be there for him, at the end, it wasn’t for very long.)

-> [Try To Change]

-> How Icarus just keeps trying to change, change and change and change, they're trying so incredibly hard, and it just keeps failing. The whole idea that they can’t find it in themself to change - there's safety in it, they’ve always been like this, why wouldn’t they just keep going and being like this. Why would they try - there is *no* point to it. They’re safe like this, Dad likes them like this, why would they change into something he wouldn’t?

-> [Let Us All Down]

-> Just that whole idea of how the Grove feels about Icarus working with Fable. Arguably, they all thought Icarus could be good - they gave Icarus so so *so* many chances, they didn't think that they'd go this route. They didn't think they'd be involved in Centross’ death like this and this didn't think and and and. (Also, arguably, Icarus spiraling. Just *thinking* about what people would say, what people would think, what they would *feel*, how they would react.)

-> Arguably kinda sorta maybe Two Shall Break/Two Shall Mourn for the priorly explained reasons.

-> [Lima Bean Man]

-> Icarus about Momboo. Icarus so *desperately* wants Momboo to not be dead, so desperately wants to be able to bring her back. Not necessarily telling themself she *isn't* dead, but that she *can't* be - because that means they killed another person, that means they did it *again.*

-> [Shots]

-> Icarus to. Everyone basically. They're so so *sorry* - they're breaking down crying near everyday by this point, and they just keep *killing people.* (“why do I kill everything that I love?”) and they're so so *sorry.* But also that they need everyone to know they're *in too deep* - People aren't going to be able to save them now, not through normal means. It's not going to happen - they need to let Icarus drift away because if they *don't*? More people will only get hurt.

-> While I won’t elaborate on this statement, as it speaks for itself, your friendly reminder that Icarus did not truly hate their father when they killed him - Icarus still held some sort of semblance of love for him, even at the end, even after everything, even as they stabbed that trident into his chest as he revealed he was never going to bring Centross back.

-> [Prodigal]

-> That whole idea that where Icarus is right now is all their own fault. They caused it, it's their fault, and there's nothing they can really do about it. They're alone, they've dug themself a hole and fallen down it (because that's all they do, really) and they can't get out - and it's their fault. It's all their fault - it always *is* their fault.

-> [Solitary Confinement]

-> They're alone! After Momboo, and after their conversation with Athena, they're *alone* - Confined. And they're. Okay with it, almost. They wanted to push people away, wanted to be alone, because it makes all of this so so much easier. But they *really* wish they didn't have to do it. Didn't have to push people away like that, didn't *have* to do this to everyone and themself. They do it, yes, because in the end it will benefit them to do so, but they really really don't like doing it - they're spiraling. (And really, they have been for months.)

-> a “devious read” by yours truly according to the sherbertquake56

-> [No Longer You]

-> Okay. Now. What I'm about to say *might* sound like. horribly wrong because everyone kind of looks at this and goes “oh the prophet is Haley” and to that I say. Nope. No, the prophet is Midas. This song is *Midas* talking to Icarus about their future - regardless of how this goes. Because Midas would know what would happen after they “Draw their final breath” so to speak - Midas would know. Haley wouldn't. Also, because I'm a little loser, and the fact this song *really* lends itself to this, line by line analysis.

“I see a song of past romance” Perhaps talking about Momboo? This line could be very ambiguous. Cause you could also argue Wet Birds, but I'm not sure that really *fits.* (If you wanted to go the Prison Duo route, you probably could as well.)

“I see the sacrifice of man.” This line being about Centross - Sacrificing himself to save both Icarus, as well as the rest of his family.

“I see portrayals of betrayal,” This line being about Jamie - Betraying the family they *had* for the family they *want.*

“And a brother's final stand.” This is. Just the ‘A Brother's Final Stand’ stream. Rae trying so so *so* hard to save his brother, and failing because they *just* don't *want* (don't think they need, don't think they deserve) help.

“I see you on the brink of death.” Icarus after they kill Fable. Or, really, Icarus throughout the last week-ish; throughout that they're on the brink of death, they're *dying.* (They have been for almost 5 months - but after he dies Icarus is left so much worse off because Fable isn’t around and alive to keep Quixis’ powers at bay.)

“I see you draw your final breath.” Them *jumping* - Them thinking they were going to die. Them being fully fully accepting of it.

“I see a man who gets to make it home alive.” Midas pulling Icarus into the Worldport, *alive* - telling them that they'll be able to go back home eventually.

“But it's no longer you…” But the person Icarus would become after all that time in the Worldport, after leaving it, would be starkly different to the person that entered it - that it wouldn't really be Icarus anymore. It'd be Icarus, of course, but they'd know and have been changed that they wouldn't be the Icarus they *were.*

Just. It really encompasses those last few months of Icarus’ life before becoming Quixis - those last few months of pain and desperation and *bad.*

-> [Monster]

-> The whole idea of how Icarus *will* be the monster if they have to. They'll kill and slaughter and murder and *be* the monster if it means they'll all make to end - if it means they'll get to bring everyone back, *fix* everything.

-> [No Children]

-> This is very much Icarus’ mentality at the end - about Fable and about Rae and about *everyone.* That idea that they don't want to be saved anymore, not like this. That idea that if they have to go down - they're going to take Fable with them. That idea that they just want Rae and *everyone* to give up on them - and, arguably, that idea that if *they* die, they want Fable to come down with them. Uh. Well here's another set of far more detailed line analysis <3 Not the last one either <3

“I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us.” That whole idea that Icarus doesn’t want to be saved - not like this. They don’t want to and they don't think they’re deserving of it - they fully hope that Rae gives up on trying to save them.

“I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.” While they didn’t *know* it’d be fail-safe, Jamie. Because by this point there were *very* few people still trying to save and help them - and really, to their knowledge, it was *just* Rae - and to them? To those people *that* was the tipping point. For that last week they were left completely alone because they had *finally* pissed off the people trying to save them.

“I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight.” Very similarly to that previous line, during Family Reunion - arguably - Rae and Icarus had *kind of* mended their relationship. Icarus didn’t like that - Icarus really hoped that he’d just let it go. They really hoped that the weight of everything would mean their relationship, whatever Rae thought was left of it - at least, would just crumble. That Icarus wouldn’t have to hold on to him and their family anymore because holding onto it means there is *complications* and attachments and they really can't have that - not now.

“And I hope we hang on past the last exit. I hope it's already too late.” That whole idea that Icarus was in too deep - Icarus was going to hold on and stay attached to Fable until the very, very, *very* end. That whole idea that Icarus very much thought, very much hoped, that they were too far gone and it was far, *far* too late to turn back now. (Also that whole idea that

“In my life, I hope I lie. And tell everyone you were a good wife.” Okay, a, that whole idea that Icarus lies about *nearly* everything - they lie about so, so, *so* much that it’s really all they do and hope to do. B, that idea that they so desperately want to see their father as a good person - so desperately want *everyone else* to think he’s a good person; to the point that they *will* lie about it, they hope to, they hope they get the opportunity to lie about it.

“And I hope you die. I hope we both die.” *If he dies they don’t have to do this anymore.* Just that whole idea that if he dies they do not, really and truly, have to continue to do any of this. They can fully and completely leave it behind and *gods* how they really, really want to do that. Also, arguably, that whole idea that they don’t think they’re worth saving, and that whole idea that they think they fuck everything up and ruin it regardless of how much they’re trying. If they both die between now and the end, then when this is all over no one will have to get hurt anymore - their family will be *safe* and sound and they won’t have to stress about themself *or* their family *or* what their father is doing.

“I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow. I hope it bleeds all day long.” That idea that icarus thinks they’re deserving of all the hurt and pain and sorrow sent their way. All this pain and suffering and the way it’s constant - they fully, *fully* think they’re deserving of it; they fully hope it keeps happening solely to prove that point. (This is not the time or place to go on a rant - but I would like to bring up how, after Centross dies, whenever Icarus gets really injured - unless it's dire dire - they refuse to use potions on themself. And even when it *is* dire they’re almost hesitant about it.)

“Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises; we're pretty sure they're all wrong.” Rae thinking he can save Icarus, save them despite everything they’ve done and despite all they’ve been through - and Icarus thinking, *knowing*, he can’t. Regardless of what he says, Icarus knows they’re in too deep and knows that means Rae can’t save them or get through to them very easily.

“I hope the worst isn't over.” Ties back to the line before last - that idea that Icarus thinks they deserve all the pain and suffering they’re going through. It’s their fault, they deserve it, maybe they don’t really like it very much by they do understand where its coming from and they can agree with it because deep down they *know* what they’re doing is so very very wrong.

“I am drowning. There is no sign of land.” They’re falling and falling deeper into this little pit they’ve dug themself and they can’t find a hand hold to even start trying to climb themself out. They are lost and *alone* with no one there to help and they *know it.*

“You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.” That idea that if Icarus goes down - they’ll take, to try to take, Fable with them. That idea that both themself and Fable are seemingly unlovable - at least in Icarus’ eyes - and the two of them would go down hand in hand; it’ll be one of their faults and they’d drag the other down with them (Also, arguably, Icarus and Midas as well - if Icarus goes down they want to drag Midas down with them; if Midas goes down they’ll inevitably *have* to drag Icarus down with them. The two of them are so intertwined that if one goes down they’ll drag the other whether they want to or not.)

-> [Mr. Author]

-> How Icarus really just wants this to all *stop* and finish up - how it's been going on for so long and they don't know how much longer they can keep going like this. How they want to talk to the person who wrote their story like this - talk to the person that keeps *letting them do this*, want to talk to the author ruining their life.

-> [Icarus]

-> Something about Fable realizing, however small, that his actions are hurting Icarus. How Icarus is hurting and dying, and how he can't *fix it* - he's not going to be able to fix it, fix *them*, make them what he wants them to be. He can't save them in the way he wants to - they're *going* to die and gods he won't be able to stop it. Specifically right at the end, Fable's death by his own son's hands.

-> [The Bad Guy]

-> That whole idea that all Icarus wanted to do, really and truly, was *fix* everything - but that's not how it went. They went to bad places to fix things, they became the bad guy. They didn't want to be, of course - not again, not after last time - but that's what *happened.* They became the bad guy, and they're finally finally realizing it. (Only, it's really too late, because they're dying now.)

-> [In My Blood]

-> Just that whole idea that this is how Icarus is always going to be, how this is how Icarus is and there's no changing it - how it's in their blood to do this, to *be like* this - how there's no stopping it, no turning back.

-> [Daniel In The Den]

-> Really just that whole idea of Icarus killing Fable, and the following way they attempt to move on. That way Fable was killed by “the ones you think you love” - Icarus, yes, but really everyone contributed. (And, arguably, almost that bit of anger Icarus harbors toward Fable at the end - that idea he wasn't ever going to fix this; that all this pain and suffering was for *nothing.*)

[Section Six - They're. Kind of God now. Question mark. Maybe. I dunno, Icarixis is. Yeah. They're a guy. That's for sure.]

-> [Ruin]

-> They have a conversation. This is simply Midas and Icarus having a back and forth conversation about mistakes and Quixis and *all of it.* It’s very hard to summarize - so uh. Hi line by line analysis, welcome back-

(ICARUS)

“I will bring you ruin in everything I do.” Something about how no matter what Icraus does and no matter how hard they try - they ruin things. Their family, their house, their friends house, their *life.* They bring the people in their life - including Midas, and including themself - ruin and pain no matter what they do.

“It’s never my intention, but it happens all the same.” Icarus rarely means to hurt their family and friends like that - it’s rarely their intention but it *happens.* They can’t stop it happening, be it because of the wack or because they’re trying to *fix something* or or or. They never mean to hurt people - they don’t *like* hurting people - but it just keeps happening and happening and *happening.*

“It starts with love and comfort, becomes a strength of will.” Arguably, talking about their time in the three resets they remember. It started good and okay and alright and it just slowly became their goal to just *survive* - it became a strength of will to just keep going after every little thing that just kept *happening;* After all the death and harm and suffering they’d experience they had to fight to keep going.

“But all that strength made rubble of the towers we built.” Icarus keeping going like they did broke *so much.* The Worldport, Midas, Themself, *The overworld.* It all fell apart, was all unstable, because of *them* - all of that kept falling apart into rubble because of *them.* (And, arguably, also partially because of Midas.)

“Cause brick by brick, you built us and I’d fill in the cracks.” Midas helped build this world, this *life* for Icarus. They built it brick by brick - keeping Icarus from being Quixis so young gave them *this* - a family, a life, safety. Midas built it, and Icarus made it *theirs.*

“Nothing quite prepares you for when they don’t come back.” Icarus wasn't prepared for when Centross didn't come back - when it wasn't just a fluke. They weren't prepared for being *alone* and by themself for that long and they weren't prepared for him just being. Dead.

“I wish I’d done things different, I wish that I’d been brave.” Something about wishing they'd home about getting Centross back differently - not killing people, not doing any of that. Something about wanting to be braver - be braver to leave Him and side with their brother and the rest of their family and not side with the person who killed Centross and who killed so many people. Something about *wanting that.*

“I wish I’d known these stones were something I could save.” Arguably, something about wishing to have known that they could have saved Midas so much earlier - could've taken up their role *months* (*years*) ago and saved Midas so much pain and bad and suffering.

(MIDAS)

“Our mortar was your laughter.” Something about the funnier aspects of Midas changing things - it kept them together. At least for a little bit. It kept everything okay and alright - the silly-ness of it all. (Obviously that didn’t stick very long.)

“And you hurled curses at the land.” Icarus yelling and ranting and being so *angry* at Midas. That anger that Icarus just let boil simmering over whenever something bad or upsetting or just *annoying* happened.

“We didn’t talk, we made universes - out of bitten lips and broken hands.” Something about how Icarus and MIdas never talked talked - sure they had the book and their comms but they never really properly *talked.* Something about how despite that, they built things through their pain and hurt. They built friendships and lives and all of that - even without talking.

“You said, “I love you less than when it all began.”” When it first started Icraus didn’t think anything of it - wanted to know what was up with it but also wasn’t really *worried.* Icarus, at the beginning, almost thought it slightly funny. They didn’t really care what it did. But as time went on and as Midas lost more and more control and as the wack got worse and worse and as it broke more and more - the less and less Icarus liked it. It lost its novelty once it started hurting people.

“And I said fewer cause I make jokes to show how broken I really am.” Something about Midas communicating very *directly* with the wack and their comm and things as the end came closer and closer - they stopped with the messing around and the jokes and the silly changes they used to do, and they just became serious calls for help on both ends. (And beyond the direct communication - the *interfering* with things that could get Icraus hurt or killed.) Gone are the jokes and the small silly laughable changes, replaced with calls for help and calls for *something* because Midas was dying and so was the Worldport. And something about how the direct communication was a lot more spread apart in comparison to Midas’ jokes.

“And in the wreck of all we burnt, stands our piano like a wound.” Something about how in the wreck of everything Midas has done, and everything Icarus has done - The two of them still stand tall, *alive.* And something about how so does the Worldport - despite all the decay and all the things it's been through, it's still alive and it's still going and it's still holding all the worlds and it's slowly getting fixed and and and.

“I’ll play our song to see if it’s in tune.” Arguably, something about letting Icarus see to the end of their story. Letting the song play rather than stopping it far far too early - letting Icarus live and learn and seeing if they’ll make the correct choice; seeing if the song is in tune.

“And I promise to be patient.” Something about how Midas kept *going* - no matter what happened and no matter how much it seemed like Icarus was too far gone and no matter how much it seemed like Icarus wasn’t going to make the right choice, Midas persisted. They were so patient with them - waiting and waiting and *waiting* until Icarus *did it.*

“And you promise to be kind.” Something something Icarus never really wanted to hurt their family - they just wanted their best friend back something something Midas telling them that they’ll be - *knowing they will be* - a good Quixis something something to be Quixis you need to be kind and considerate and things like that something something

“”We can rest,” you say, “in the pieces of what’s left or what we’ve found.”” Guys we don’t know where Midas is, but we do know they’re *somewhere.* Something about Icarus taking up the mantle of Quixis means Midas *finally* gets a break. Midas finally gets to rest and relax after so long of not being able to and having to constantly be doing something wand watching someone - Midas can just *rest.* (Wherever that may be, we have yet to find out.)

“I wish I’d done things different, oh, I wish I’d made it right” Something about how even if Midas doesn’t regret what they did - doesn’t regret leaving Icarus to live their life, doesn’t regret keeping them from being Quixis - part of them probably wishes they had done it differently. Something about wishing so many people didn’t have to die, or their worlds decay, or or or. Something about wishing they had made it right earlier - so they didn’t have to go through nearly as much pain. (So they didn’t have to go through feeling their body decay and *rot* from the inside out.) Something about wishing that, but not regretting - not truly - how you did it in the first place.

“But we’ll burn a hundred theaters, If it means we get the wallpaper right” Something about how Midas would let the Worldport fall apart, let worlds die, let *themself* die, if it meant Icarus got to see the end of their story - if it meant Icarus got to live the whole of their life that had been written out. They’d let it all die, let so much decay and fall apart until it was even decaying *them,* if it meant Icarus didn’t have to Quixis so young (they were younger than midas), if it meant Icarus got to say goodbye.

“Nothing quite prepared me for when that piano sang again.” While we don’t know exactly what Midas has been up to fo the past 2 months since the finale - I feel like finally getting a break and *centuries* and finally passing on your title and finally being *yourself* (or, mostly yourself) again wouldn’t be something you'd prepare yourself for in years of being alone - something about not being prepared to be able to rest and be yourself again after so long of *not* being able to do those things.

“Tomorrow I’ll do things different.” Maybe a bit more Icarus than it is Midas (Mostly because there’s not much more different Midas can do, not now, not after so much time has passed) - something about knowing what happens when you wait to bring a Quixis and something about vowing to *not* do that and put all of the Sherbs through that for a second time. Something about vowing to be different than the person you look so much alike. (Something about vowing to be different than Fable.)

“Tomorrow I’ll be brave.” This one is Midas - something about finally being brave enough to pass on the title of Quixis to Icarus, finally being able to let it go - give it up. (Even if it was just the end of Icarus’ story - even if it was the only logical time to pull them and pass it on - it was still brave. They had waited *so long.*)

-> [Icarus & Apollo]

-> Something about Midas living vicariously through Icarus. Something about Icarus showing Midas *so much* about life and their world and everything. Something about in turn Midas showing Icarus how to be Quixis, how to do this job *correctly* and not fuck it up like they did. Just that whole idea of ascension.

-> [505]

-> I guess Midas after Icarus ascends. That idea of going back home and not really knowing what awaits you. You have an idea, a concept of what might, and you're fully *prepared* for it. That idea of them *knowing* they have to leave after Icarus takes their place - or something like that.

-> [Show Yourself]

-> Icarus to Midas - How they just want to know what in the *world* Midas wants with them, and wants to do with them. Why Midas is following them, why they're changing the stuff they are, the decay, the eye - just wanting to *know*, but also very promptly ignoring Midas more often than not.

-> [Who You Are]

-> They're supposed to be Quixis!!! This is exactly who and where they're supposed to be!! This song really feels very Midas talking to Icarus - Telling them all of this as encouragement that they're going to do good, and that this is exactly where they're supposed to be, regardless.

-> [The Last Goodbye]

-> Saving the multiverse with another version of you. This is very Midas and Icarus coded - How Midas was willing to go down hand in hand with Icarus if it meant the multiverse surviving; also how Icarus was completely willing to take up the mantle of Quixis, even if it meant the people back home couldn't remember them.

-> Something about how they both think they're gonna die, Icarus and Midas - something about it.

-> [still feel.]

-> Dying over and over again, being reset over and over and *over* again, and yet. They still feel alive. Fable pulled them from the grave more times than they can count, and they still feel *alive* despite all that's happened.

-> Quixis is where they're supposed to be, Despite *jumping* they're still here, and they're still alive, and they're still *living.*

-> [Back To Black]

-> Oh so very wet birds. Something about them genuinely only saying goodbye with words - they didn't hug, didn't touch, no. Only words. Something about Ven going back to when he got pulled out, going back to Fable and all of the consequences that come with it. That whole idea Icarus isn't going to go back like that - they're going to go back to the present day and they're *going* to remember him.

-> [Spring and a Storm]

-> This one feels just very general epilogue/post finale times to me. Just everyone off doing their own thing, having fun and being happy. Reminiscing about the past *sure*, but having fun and being good all the same. (If you wanna look at it through an Icarus *specific* lens, for some added angst - Icarus watching their family and friends grow and be happy and gain things they couldn't gain before, while they're in the Worldport. Watching their family grow and get to be truly truly happy while they work on cleaning up Midas’ unintentional mess.)

-> [Ghost Song]

-> Just the whole idea of how after becoming Quixis, Icarus isn't reality seen or *known* anymore - And how they so desperately want to be. How they so desperately want to be seen and known and lived, but they can't - not for a while. How at this point they're just a ghost - changing and lurking, an entity everyone knows the name of, but not knows properly. Also almost that whole idea that they spend so much of their time watching over the Grove while their in the Worldport; changing and altering the small things so people, even if they won’t know until Icarus comes back, know they’re *there.*

-> [Introduction to the Snow]

-> Just that whole idea of now that Icarus is Quixis, they're alone. The Worldport is *empty* - no one is physically there with them, they're alone. They can't talk to anyone, no matter how much they so desperately want to. Also how this is *exactly* where they're meant to be.

-> [Today Today]

-> Just very ‘end of season 3’ coded - how upset Icarus, how much they were just *crying*, and they couldn't seem to stop regardless of how hard they tried. Also that whole idea of time going so so much slower in the Worldport, how ‘today' to Icarus must feel so so much different now. Also just that whole idea of being stuck between places, having everything to do because of everything up with the Worldport. That whole idea of so much happening in all the worlds they’re watching - there's so much to see and watch and understand and and and.

[Section Seven - Group songs, but an asterisk is attached to the first 4 because I write those pre stream and pre playlist re-organize- (sherbert please why did you do that right before stream-)]

-> [Machine]

-> The doubting of Fable's ideals, the realization of maybe they (Icarus) aren't doing the right thing by doing this, and how they don't *really* want to be a part of this anymore - how they don't want to be a part of Fable's machine, don't want to be a tool in his tool box, a means to an end.

-> The Idea that none of the people here, any of the members of the grove throughout the seasons, *want* to be a part of any of this - what to be here, want to do this, want to see any of this. The idea they don't want anymore resets - don't want anymore people to go through this, don't want to be a part of this revolving machine Fable has built for them.

-> [Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally]

-> Just that whole idea of how Icarus is just *angry* at Fable - How they're beginning to doubt him, and his ideals, and how they're just angry at the concept that he won't bring people back - that this was all for *nothing.* Also just them being so incredibly angry at *everyone.*

-> This is also very just season 1. Just the anger at Enderian and Ominous Bane and. All of season 1 and its hardships.

-> [Enemy]

-> Something about how, especially at the end, *everyone* wanted Icarus dead, gone, or both. They didn't want to be friends with Icarus, they'd been given too many chances, and no one was willing to save them anymore. How everyone wants to be, *is*, Icarus’ enemy by the end.

-> Just. The idea of everyone, at some point, being each other's enemy. At some point everyone has been on opposite sides with someone else in the grove - and that meant everyone else was going to side with *one* of them.

-> [The Search]

-> Just Icarus’ mentality right at the end, trying to find something, *anything,* that'd save or fix them, regardless of what. Searching for something they won't find, looking for something they can't see. Also their whole mentality towards Fable - anger and annoyance and *mad* - how in the end they end up killing like he almost killed them.

-> The whole idea of everyone like. Looking for something they can't find, can't get back, can't *see* - and the idea that over time they all slowly grow angry toward Fable and the resets and everything that's taken *anything* from them.

-> [Misery Fell]

-> I feel like you could argue this is either the very end of season 3 coded, or just the grove coded in general. Something about how they're constantly going through terrible terrible things - constantly having misery fall upon them.

-> [When You're an Adams]

-> How living in the grove is often a while experience - How you need to be prepared for anything, really, because you never know what's gonna happen next; never know what Gods are going to get involved or whatever people are going to go on a harming spree or or or.

-> [Ready As I'll Ever Be]

-> Either Perix fight coded, Or the Faction preparing to fight Fable. Something about getting ready for this big battle and fight, while the other side does exactly the same as that.

-> [We Don't Talk About Bruno]

-> I feel like you could argue either Enderian or Fable? The grove singing about them - respectively. Enderian mostly after season one, while the singing about Fable more now. How they probably don't really want to talk about much of that, no matter how far into the future it gets.

#i dont even fucking know chat #2 months of work - for you <3 #18320 is a good number by the way. its round and i rarara #yeah okay i. hope you all enjoy <3 #and to chat - who may or may not see these tags on stream tomorrow - yeah im always like this #oh icarus morningstar and their silly goofy ways <3 #sherbertquake56 #quixis #icarus morningstar #fable smp #fablesmp #fsmp #not to analyze songs on your dash - but to analyze songs on your dash #a tag to help find my own posts

171 notes · View notes

quinton-reviews · 8 months

Note

Hi Quinton!! I have been a HUGE fan of your stuff since a friend sent me the Tobuscus Fallen Titans (I used to watch him back in high school and was like "huh, wonder what happened to him after those allegations") and I gotta say, it is REALLY FUNNY every time my fiancé and I watch the iCarly videos again, because when you cover Gibby's stunt double breaking his ribs, you cut to a clip of The Official Podcast. I used to play D&D with one of the main dudes from the podcast, so when he talks during that clip I do a goddamn double take literally every time.

Anyways, I remember an original Patreon stretch goal being a Fallen Titans on Homestuck! I was really big into Homestuck in my early 20s, and was wondering if that's still on the table at some point? If not that's fine, I understand plans change! I just love Fallen Titans lol, the Fred episode and the Neil Cicierega unFallen Titans are some of my favorite videos of yours!

That's a real funny story!

So here's the rundown on the Homestuck video. When I first started making long videos, they were actually inspired by the relationship I had with other YouTubers at the time. I used to watch, like, H3H3 and Filthy Frank, etc; and I'd always see people obsessed with the versions of creators from the past. Like, "Oh 2015 H3 was the best" and "Oh 2012 Frank was peak." So I had this idea that it would be crazy if H3 posted, like, a video he spent a decade on and you got a new video with 2015 H3 10 years on. (I don't watch H3 anymore ironically)

So the original idea for the "long video" format was that it would be cool if, throughout a long, analysis/review/recap video, you kept noticing someone get older. Maybe my months, maybe by years. That's why I always like to get a haircut when I start one of these videos. If you scrub through and you see my hair get longer and messier as it goes on I think that adds something magical you can't fake.

So... My pitch to the Homestuck video was that it would be funny to work on it just once per year. To record one segment, say "That's it for 12 months", and then come back around to it. And when I was making the iCarly and Victorious videos I actually recorded a few minutes of the video! I think it was two segments in total. But then I had a bunch of personal stuff happen and my work drive has been much lower, so any "back burner" video hasn't gotten much attention since then.

Now that the iCarly mini-series is done with, I want to focus on some short one-off videos I can make before April. But once that's done with, I would REALLY love to start work on a few more long-term projects which will take months or years to finish. I think returning to work on the Homestuck video, to at least get the first 20-30 minutes done, would be a great idea this summer.

Now, if you want to know my pitch for that video, here it is. The video is not a recap of the creative history of the franchise. I do not get into drama, community hell, lawsuits, or other YouTubers. My idea is this: you always hear about Homestuck as an outsider but you never hear about the actual content. Most franchises on Earth I know something about, even and especially if I've never been interested in them. I can tell you a bunch of facts about wrestling and MLP and the Fast and the Furious simply through cultural osmosis and having friends who are into those things.

I can't tell you the plot of Homestuck, who the characters are, what the themes are, nothing. I've known a lot of people who were into Homestuck but nothing about the series!

So I thought it would thus be funny to make a video about a bunch of people who know nothing about the series starting from the beginning and giving their reactions, even if it's been years since it all started. I call this part of the video the "Homestuck Book Club." So the next step is me picking out the members (who all have to have no history with it) and making sort of a podcast setup. We'd then read and record every six months or so, IDK.

This is why the video has been stuck in production hell! Everyone who wants to work on it and messages me about it already knows the franchise. I don't want spoilers, I don't want people writing for the video who get it already. I want to capture the "what the fuck is this" energy of three dudes just getting in the middle of it.

Also, I think that I really like the theme of the video capturing our lives as they go by, capturing us aging and changing. If you came back from the future and told me this video comes out in five years, I'd say great. If you told me it comes out in ten years, I'd say awesome. Until then, the latest edit will always be on Patreon, even if you have to dig a little.

#homestuck #quinton reviews #long videos

330 notes · View notes

irislunace · 3 days

Text

Siciria Analyzes The Most Complex Stick Figures Known To Man (part 1)

SPOILERS FOR AVA / AVM / INFLUENCER ARC SERIES

READ AT UR OWN RISK

Also here's part 2

I was rewatching Influencer Arc Ep 1 because the music slays, and the fight choreography is just awesome.

*cut to Siciria chilling*

But then I noticed this;

So, to those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, I noticed that Blue just kind of waits there for a moment before going in to help Red. I wondered why, because throughout the series, these stick figures are shown to have really quick reaction times in these kinds of moments.

But then it hit me; it's about personality.

So then I decided to do a deep analysis of Blue's character, which is probably going to be the first of five parts (maybe even more) where I deep dive into everyone's traits and flaws and whatnot.

Here goes...

So, we've seen Blue as more of the pacifist assistant. He likes plants, netherwart, potions, and cooking. You don't really see him being the first to instigate something, or the star of a fight. Heck, even in the Raid episode, it's more focused on Yellow and the command block staff than him.

But we do see more of an aggressive trait as well, in that sometimes, he acts without thinking.

LIKE THE LAVA. HE DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT AND JUMPED INTO STICKING LAVA. WOW. WOWOWOW. WOWOWOW.

But, what startles me, is that even though he'll self-sacrificially jump to save someone, and follow someone without thinking, and needs someone to ground him (usually Yellow), there are also times where he just freezes. Like in the Influencer Arc. He freezes when Red is getting beat up by the clones, before shooting at them. His brain takes a second (hehe) to catch up.

And here, too. Yellow is making a plan, where Blue's emotions are overriding any sort of thought.

...BUT AT THE SAME TIME, we also see those two things coalesce together for the better. We see him take action instead of freezing, and actually think about what he's doing as well. And this moment in the battle against the King goes kind of unnoticed, in my opinion, since there were so many hard fighting sequences and emotional stakes.

LIKE WHAT THE STICK. HE LED AN ENTIRE VILLAGE INTO WAR, AND THEY WERE ACTUALLY ABLE TO HOLD THEIR OWN AND CAUSE THE PILLAGERS TO RUN AWAY WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CONTEXT OR PRIOR TRAINING (albeit before they came back with the evoker and illusioner)

But we also don't talk about how much he assists everyone else. Like here. Green would have gone flying twice if Blue didn't have the presence of mind to brace him.

I saw a comment under the video calling Blue the MVP of the fight against Greenscreen. And while I do harbor the opinion that everyone contributed a lot to the win (and don't really agree with the comment, as Green, Yellow, Red, and Second contributed so much too), you can't deny that he assisted everyone frequently during the fight, and was a key part of success.

Blue's character arc is something we don't really talk about much as a fandom, but there are truly some moments which are, like, really cool.

And the most important one of all, of course.

Bluecifer "Elsa" Blonde. (my fanmade name, tell me if u like it!)

#slayqueen

EDIT AS OF 9/24/24:

There's also something else I noticed. Blue is shown to be able to keep track of a lot of things at the same time as well, like the positioning of his friends in a battle, and enhance them properly. He knows exactly what they need and can deliver it to them.

In the Witch, when he arms himself with potions and starts fighting, he has the presence of mind to turn his friends into animals that can stop the witch. For example, when Red is about to strike, he turns him into a golem for it to pack more punch. It's truly amazing, because he was able to pinpoint that that was about to happen before it did.

And even with himself, when the witch started shapeshifting, he did too. He knew exactly which mob would combat which, and he might have won if he hadn't run out.

#ava blue #fan analysis #analysis #avm blue #ava influencer arc #influencer arc #animator vs animation #animation vs minecraft #animator vs minecraft #color gang #green screen #irislunace #siciria analyzes

90 notes · View notes

konnosaurus · 3 months

Text

heheheh :3 it's emily and ashimaaaaa!

after mentioning that i think these two would be quite sweet on my pride month headcanon drawing, i realised that i needed to draw them and give a few of my thoughts! (especially as @togetherness23 seemed intrigued by the concept in their lovely tags (sorry about the @ i just thought you might like this hehe))

my hand hurts from drawing all the little details on both of them hehe, it was sooo hard to make them look nice but i'm p happy with how they turned out!

i've got a little analysis/ramble under the cut if anybody wants to read my thoughts :3

okay so.. emily x ashima.

first of all, i think it is just nice to give emily a load of girlies for her romances, she is such a fascinating character and i think that her almost.. stubborn?? nature? i'm not quite sure whether that is the word i mean, but she has strong feelings, strong opinions and a strong personality. she doesn't pull her punches and if she wants to do something she will find a way to do it.

i feel this makes her interactions with potential romantic partners veeery interesting. she falls hard and fast- there isn't any doubt once she likes someone, she knows it very quickly and decides whether to persue or not. i think this shows up in best engine ever, where she decides that caitlin is cool and funky almost instantly, talks about how wonderful she is to all her friends, and the next time she sees her makes a big declaration (well, a big rescue, but it plays the same).

there are a few parallels between emily meeting ashima and emily in her first interactions with caitlin in best engine ever, and this sort of overlap is what made me first consider this potential pairing. well, that and how funny i think it is that ashima and caitlin have very similar base deep and bright pink colours, and if you add new rosie and her dark pink (i think it is more of a dark pink than red oop) then one can have emily and her collection of pink-adjacent women and that is fun. now we just need to paint mavis pink to add to the collection...

anyway! back to the parallels.

i'm putting this one up first even though i think the second parallel is stronger. in the scene from the great race, emily is clearly being positive when she says 'you know, the painted one from India.' she clearly thinks highly of ashima's looks, and this comes up again when she is surprised that ashima wasn't in the best decorated engine competition. she clearly thinks she is pretty, and in the scene from best engine ever she also talks about how she thinks caitlin 'looks amazing'. emily clearly likes looking at these two hehehe.

and my personal favourite, emily and her instant praise for those that she likes. even though in the great race she is speaking about ashima and in best engine ever she is speaking to caitlin, both statements are so nice and show emily and her positivity towards those that she likes. i think that the instant desire to compliment everyone is part of emily's hard-fast romance routine.

another interesting thing is that in the great race, ashima has barely been on sodor for any time at all and emily has already spoken to her enough to remember her name, origin AND come up with enough of an opinion about her to think she is great. and that is just neat!

#konnochats #konnodoodle #art #ttte #ttte art #ttte fanart #thomas and friends #ttte emily #ttte ashima #ttte caitlin #ashimaxemily #caitlinxemily

136 notes · View notes

seyaryminamoto · 7 months

Text

Azula's most overlooked characterization element

Why, hello there.

It is I.

And I'm back on my bullshit.

I didn't WANT to be. But a bunch of factors pulled me back in.

For the record: I'm not here to start any fights or light the fuse of arguments that I most likely won't have time or interest in responding to. What I AM here for... is to prove that there's something out there a bunch of people are delighted to sleep on because acknowledging it would render maaaany simplistic interpretations entirely invalid...

That group of people includes the fandom, of course. And the original show's staff. And the liveaction's staff, to a fault. Surely the TTRPG ones too. And absolutely, the comic book writers.

Hell, I'll even include MYSELF in that group, even though I'm making this post right now.

I found it really curious that I very recently saw this element mentioned in a pretty neat blog I follow, @atla-lore-archive, I absolutely advise anyone who hasn't checked out said archive to do it if you wish to understand a lot of the "extra lore" the fandom had access to, back in the old days when the turbonick ATLA site still existed and used to be the only source of deeper knowledge about the fandom besides the occasional interview that most people didn't even know where to track down.

But the funny thing is that the post I'm talking about proved that even Turbonick forgot about the people this post is about :')

And that would beeeeeeee...

*cue drumroll*

Lo and Li!

What makes Lo and Li an important subject to discuss?

Why, a lot of things. Among them, the fact that almost nobody brings them into the core focus of any analysis made about Azula's character. I've personally mentioned them once or twice I believe, mostly as negatives, there's but ONE positive aspect I've ever found of them: them being non-benders MIGHT be a reason why Azula isn't shown as being quite so obsessive with firebending supremacy as Zuko was supposed to be.

But that's very much the sole good thing I can think to say about them and it's completely subjective, as good as a headcanon, because we don't even KNOW if they influenced Azula in that sense!

Why do they seem to get overlooked quite as much? Why... let's start thinking about it, shall we?

Lo and Li are Azula's firebending teachers. As far as anyone can tell, they're also her advisors. These two people should be an essential part of Azula's life... but ironically, we seldom see them with her. Most times, Azula isn't around these two. Whenever she is? It doesn't usually look like she's having a good time.

And that's no surprise, considering her first scene with those two very much puts forward a dynamic of cold distance between Azula and her mentors: Azula is bending LIGHTNING. We have not heard of other lightningbenders until that point, and once the full show wraps up, there's only THREE (Azula, Ozai, Iroh). Out of those three? Only one is a fourteen-year-old girl. It's very easy to assume Azula's lightning is actually a skill she mastered unusually early in life, perhaps relatively recently, hence the practicing... but she's pulling it off. She's succeeding. She's doing something that genuinely catches a first-time viewer off-guard!

And Lo and Li's entire opinion of what she did is: "Almost perfect. One hair out of place."

This tells you the Fire Nation's idea of "imperfection" is... insane. Strict. Imposing. Unyielding. Unforgiving. Azula's reaction isn't to get angry at Lo and Li for saying what they did: it's to get angry at herself and try again.

But... that's not the only instance where we see Azula getting angry around Lo and Li.

The next few times Azula is around them, she doesn't seem to have much of an emotional reaction (one is when they tell her to find other allies, the other when they herald her as a great hero who returned home from Ba Sing Se). In the second of these scenes, Lo and Li are praising Azula as incredible, beautiful, all sorts of grand things...! And Azula smiles. She smiles at the crowd. She's not smiling at the old ladies who are praising her... she's mostly just happy to know her people are welcoming her as a hero indeed! Most the fandom would go "true! what an ungrateful bitch! She should've been happy that Lo and Li complimented her that way!!" Me? I wouldn't say that at all. Not just because I love Azula to pieces? But because the only information we have of Azula's dynamics with these two... doesn't seem compatible with the idea that what Lo and Li are saying here is for AZULA'S benefit.

Anyone who's had a hypocritical parent/caretaker/teacher must have endured awkward, horrible, unpleasant moments where this adult figure treats you like shit in private but in public holds you as this grand example, and a perfect child, and they never seem to stop saying they're soooo proud of you even though you NEVER felt that what they're saying is true. Maybe the first few times, you're naive enough to believe it. By the tenth time of incongruent messages? You start to realize they're talking you up as a way to make themselves look better. They're trying to show they're doing their job at raising you/training you, be it whatever it may. The praises are not FOR you... they're for a third person to hear and think "Oh, this adult's so cool, saying nice things about this kid they're responsible for! Nice!"

... You're starting to get the picture now, I'm sure.

Lo and Li reappear in the Beach. Azula is notably chill, enjoying the ride, talking casually with Ty Lee, telling Zuko to lighten up and to stop taking Ozai's choices personally, right? She seems... content. Relaxed.

Then, everything changed when Lo and Li attacked.

We don't even see why Azula is making this face at first. But she does it AT ONCE when their ship reaches the dock.

Who is there indeed...?

The stars of our post! :') if it isn't our elderly twin ladies... who brought Azula to a very disappoting beach house. And when Azula sees the house in question, she makes THIS face.

Judge however you may... even Ty Lee is weirded out by the beach house, going by that expression. Zuko and Mai aren't impressed either. But Azula? The look on her face isn't merely disappointment if you ask me... part of it looks a bit like embarrassment too? This isn't at all what she was expecting when she arrived (she has her old beach house for standards, which makes this extra underwhelming, I'm sure). She counts on Lo and Li to provide them with a place to stay, it goes implicit... and then this is what they do. It most likely isn't what she promised the other three in terms of where they'd stay, hence, I'd dare say there's a component of embarrassment here.

Shortly afterwards, we have our well known scene with Azula being utterly unconcerned with Lo and Li's apparent wisdom to the point of yawning over it. This, too, tells you she's just not interested in whatever those two have to say or bring to the table. Then, they show up again at mealtime and I think Azula just ignores them the whole scene.

After this? Lo and Li vanish until the finale. And what do they do in the finale? Why... it's the first time anyone expresses a verbal concern over Azula's wellbeing! Ah! A sign that Lo and Li have SOME affection for Azula! This time, you pesky Azula fans, you CAN'T twist this into a bad thing! For sure!

... Can't we, tho? :')

What IS Azula's reaction to: "We are concerned for your wellbeing"?

"My father asked you to come here and talk to me, didn't he‌? He thinks I can't handle the responsibility of being Fire Lord. But I will be the greatest leader in Fire Nation history."

And here, my friends, is when we have finally hit the jackpot.

Lo and Li could have been Azula's Irohs. She could've had TWO of him! Then you'd say: "hey! Ozai is such a dick he let Azula have two elderly wise ladies guiding her but only gave one old wise dude to Zuko! Rude!" and it would be further proof of Ozai's favoritism of Azula, right?

... But actually?

Lo and Li are no such thing. Lo and Li aren't moral compasses for Azula in the least. Lo and Li are not beacons of wisdom that genuinely help her sort her way through life. Worth noting: THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN THAT WAY. They're not. They're not part of mysterious secret societies, they don't help Azula in any objective, significant, tangible way... there's very much nothing to say they EVER fulfilled the role Iroh did for Zuko. What role, then, were they fulfilling instead?

Why... I think we ought to listen to Azula, shouldn't we?

My take: Lo and Li are OZAI'S STAND-INS.

Someone's going to say "hey why would you assume that when Azula said this in the middle of a breakdown?? Surely she was just DELUSIONAL and PARANOID and ashdgkadhsgkjgh...!"

... Let me counter that one with a fun little analysis excercise:

WHY are Lo and Li Azula's firebending teachers and advisors?

The finale very directly tells us these two are not benders. We could've assumed they were! They're not: Azula's teachers are non-benders.

Has a single person out there ever asked themselves WHY this is the case?

How the hell is Azula, prodigy of the blue fire, epic lightning, cruel and powerful and precise and deadly bending... training under two elderly nonbenders?

Bringing this to a real-life example: do you remember what it was like when you were in P.E. classes and your teacher told you to spend 20 minutes jogging, and if you ever stopped you had to do 20 crunches and then get back to the jogging, and every time you stopped he'd tell you the same thing and you'd want that guy to vanish from the face of the planet? I don't know if that was only my experience, but I rather doubt it.

What did kids typically think/say when that happened?

"I wanna see that old fart doing the same shit he's making us do..."

It's a headcanon indeed to say that this is how Azula must have felt over Lo and Li, but it's VERY likely to be the case. But I'd dare say, in Azula's case, it's even worse because, to put it in another way? It's like taking programming lessons from someone who's never learned a programming language. They'll tell you you're getting things wrong without knowing how to help you get them right because they just DON'T KNOW what you're doing, and are outright INCAPABLE of what you're trying to achieve. They can't offer good guidance based on experience because they have ZERO experience on that subject! And yet they want PERFECTION from you! They expect it!

Lo and Li are these teachers for Azula. We only see them in one scene? And yet everything in the rest of the show suggests that they bring nothing important to the table for Azula, be it professionally, be it personally, be it emotionally... not in any aspect of life.

And this, if you ask me, is why the OG show barely ever brings them into scenes. Why the comics flat-out forgot they existed and even featured people like Sozin and Azulon in Azula's beach hallucinations but NOT the two ladies who looked after her and trained her. Why the live-action didn't even FEATURE them.

And us? The fandom? The fic writers?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I READ A FIC THAT HAD LO AND LI INVOLVED IN IT.

I'm not even saying as main characters, I don't even know if that exists, frankly: I mean as minor, or background characters. I have NOT seen those two be used in basically ANY fics I've read. I've scarcely used them in mine! In fact, I PURPOSEFULLY got rid of them early on in Gladiator because I didn't want them to sabotage and get in the way of Azula's progress as a character and I believed they'd do exactly that. They were an obstacle rather than anything useful, so I did away with them and then realized they could still occasionally serve some purpose in certain situations: I even had Azula visit them once and they were actually helpful! Fancy that! But... that's it. That's as far as I could go with them. I can't do MORE with those two because they're not characters one particularly feels compelled to work with.

And from what I've seen? That's the case for everyone.

So, I ask again:

WHY ARE THEY THERE?

WHAT IS THEIR ROLE?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF AZULA HAVING NON-BENDING TEACHERS?

Let's go further and further into logical thinking here, shall we?

Azula is a child. Fourteen years of age at the time she's introduced in the OG show.

Azula has no power over many things around her, particularly, her upbringing. That's in the hands of the adults around her. Her mother, up until she vanished, had some hand in it, then, it all falls to Ozai.

Ozai has been Azula's sole parental figure since Ursa left.

Ozai is the one who would reasonably call the shots regarding Azula's education, as all parents are wont to do... ESPECIALLY when he's a king with absolute power over his children.

... so, Lo and Li? Ozai either gave them the position as Azula's teachers personally, or someone else (Ursa) did, and Ozai either didn't WANT to remove them from the role (cue "Ozai being sentimental over Ursa" theories), or Ozai didn't give a flying fuck about who was training his daughter (cue "Ozai is an abusive dick without a heart or a brain" theories).

Anyone, of course, would likely interject here to say surely Ozai ALSO trained Azula himself because that's what he'd do with his favorite kid, right? See. I don't even disagree with that notion.

BUT IT'S A HEADCANON.

We have zero evidence that Ozai trained her! None! I totally will write that into Azula's backstory in many of my stories, but there's NOTHING in canon to suggest this actually happened and that Ozai was genuinely, actively, frequently involved in her progress as a firebender. Assuming he HAD to be is, still, a headcanon. You can't say that with any more certainty than mine when I say I believe Azula loves spicy foods. Does it seem to be something that would fit with her character? I think so! But if eventually canon goes "AZULA CAN'T STAND SPICY FOODS LOL JOKE'S ON YOU!" I... can't even say a thing about it. People's food tastes aren't reflective of their personalities. They really could do whatever they want in that respect. And that's the case for ANYTHING that isn't part of the show's storytelling or the character backgrounds or any texts we consider canon!

POINT BEING: Ozai, regardless of what you want to headcanon, had Lo and Li as Azula's teachers. HIS FAVORITE CHILD... and her only official instructors are two non-benders. Yang added Kunyo as an old instructor of Azula's when she was young, sure! But Kunyo was sooooo qualified that baby Azula was already kicking his ass. So, for that matter? He doesn't really seem to have been a cornerstone of her firebending development and the only other known teachers for Azula are Lo and Li.

For the last time: Azula's teachers are NON-BENDERS. AS CHOSEN, SANCTIONED, APPROVED AND ACCEPTED BY OZAI.

And with those two remarking on absolutely STUPID stuff like "one hair out of place"? Azula still became the incredible firebender she was.

Cue, now, the irony where Zuko was stuck in the basics 3 years after setting out of the Fire Nation... WITH IROH ACTIVELY SERVING AS HIS MENTOR.

You're not gonna tell me that Lo and Li would EVER be better instructors than Iroh, or are you? Because that makes no sense. Full-stop. Iroh is supposed to be the most profound and complete firebender thorughout the show because he's spiritually enlightened even though I admit I think that's bullshit and he doesn't just teach Zuko how to set things on fire, he actually makes him learn theory and spirituality and his teachings are more profound than just "ONE HAIR OUT OF PLACE".

So.

Banished as he is, disgraced and seen as trash by Ozai, Zuko STILL has a better teacher than Azula does.

... Is this LOGICAL? Is this NORMAL? Does this make SENSE?

If you think Ozai's favoritism of Azula takes the shape of "I'll give you every little thing you ask for, sweetheart, I love you very much, here, have ten million doll houses so you can set them on fire, and all the ponies you ask for and on your next birthday I'll buy you a baby dragon and you'll get your own region of the Fire Nation to govern and a fancy title..."?

Then Lo and Li, unfortunately, are right here to be a HUGE contradiction with your interpretation of Ozai and Azula's relationship.

Azula should have THE BEST teachers. Azula does not. Azula doesn't even LIKE them. Azula is openly shown to dislike them! To be annoyed around them, ANGRY when they're teaching her, she feels they're here to keep tabs on her for her father! In a sense, they're Ozai's SPIES on her! :')

Hence? Ozai's favoritism of Azula MIGHT not be what everyone keeps pretending it is. Maybe Ozai didn't do everything to make Azula get things EASILY... and to be fair? That's not what Zuko said anyway. People interpreted it that way... but that's not REALLY what he says:

"Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. "

Every line in this statement is absolutely questionable and all of it sounds like buuuuullshit to me. This is ZUKO'S perspective. And sorry not sorry, but it's tell-don't-show. People swear by his opinion of Azula and pretend he's absolutely objective about it. He's not.

But "Everything always came easy to her," does not mean "EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS HANDED OVER TO HER ON A SILVER PLATTER." And yet this is what the fandom has constantly interpreted it as.

Azula might just be a prodigy. Maybe she started out ten steps ahead of her brother: this does not mean she needs no guidance, no training, no help. She's seen training herself over perfectionism in her very second scene of Book 2. And the guidance she gets in order to achieve perfection is actually, objectively, stupid.

This is what Ozai chose for her. This is an OBSTACLE for her growth, just as much as Lo and Li were obstacles for me when I was starting with Gladiator! Azula doesn't have it EASY: she just works herself so damn hard that even shit that should HINDER her does NOT do that. And even when her brother objectively has spent THREE YEARS with an advantage in the shape of being trained by one of the VERY BEST firebenders out there? Azula is still beating Zuko at it. With two non-benders as her teachers.

Where am I going with all this?

To the fact that Lo and Li are overlooked in just about every instance of the fandom.

To the fact that nobody includes them, and their influence on Azula, in their analyses of who Azula is.

I've seen a shitstorm rising over the Netflix characterization of Azula: SHE'S TOO ANGRY, they say. Non-stop. She's sooooo hysterical, all the time! She's just pissed perpetually!

Well. I haven't finished the show yet. But the scenes I've seen Azula in so far? They don't fit the fandom's view of Azula because...

... they're not taking Lo and Li into account.

As usual.

:')

Azula's reactions around Lo and Li being frustration, anger, irritation EVEN in scenes like The Beach, where Azula was FINE until she sees them? That shit is storytelling that went over sooooooo many heads, EVEN MINE! When I saw people going on about how canon Azula is... not insecure? Not angry? Has no frustrations and was only ever smirking 24/7? I... didn't feel that was right. I knew it wasn't right. And when I thought about it hard enough? I realized that one reason why this interpretation of Azula is IMMEDIATELY dismissable is because of Lo and Li: those two constantly made Azula angry. Even if that wasn't their intent, it's nonetheless the effect they'd have on her. And Azula didn't like having them around. She CLEARLY didn't appreciate them the way Zuko does Iroh, for instance! And this could be taken as a flaw on Azula's part... if we EVER saw evidence that these two ladies actually love Azula as a grandchild, or so. If we had any evidence that they actually have cared for her in ways nobody else ever did. If maybe the ones Zuko talks about, upon saying "EVERYONE LOVES AZULA" were these two! And maybe he was jealous of them! Maybe he wanted two old ladies to watch his every move and tell him his every flaw!

... Clearly I'm joking about that last thing, but anyway...

There's nothing to tell us Lo and Li were anything but Ozai's assigned watchdogs to keep control and tabs over Azula. That Azula's immediate reaction upon hearing that someone cares about her is "Oh fuck off, my dad sent you here because he doesn't trust me!" is... telling. It's not just paranoia speaking, even if it sure can be read that way! It's actually Azula's perception of those two, which is 100% supported by what we saw of the twins throughout the show, WHENEVER we did see them: their roles in Azula's life are indeed to keep tabs on her, to keep her under control, to pressure her into perfection, AS OZAI'S AGENTS! Seen this way, it MAKES SENSE for Azula to disregard their concern and immediately assume it's FAKE. She isn't even shown to doubt it, never questions that MAYBE they did care about her! She assumes they don't...

... And considering that, as far as I know, the official concept is that they BOTH LEFT when Azula banished one of them only? That they didn't contest her command, staying to look after her even if she only wanted one? I mean, clearly Azula can't tell them apart, so they could've taken turns: one watches over Azula for 12 hours and the other for the next 12 hours, I don't goddamn know! But they didn't do that. They LEFT. And if they left? It means they don't care remotely as much as they say they do. Not to the point where they'd challenge Azula's orders and help her when they KNOW she's not okay.

And all of this further supports my point.

When we see Azula in the liveaction being angry, bitter, irritable at Ozai's choices?

I see a reflection of the same dynamics that the OG too subtly weaved into Azula's relationship with Lo and Li. I see Azula reacting against Ozai's control over her because she feels it's DISTRUST. She feels it means her father STILL needs to be convinced that she's competent, powerful, ready to do his bidding. It isn't a case where Azula's irritation comes from wanting to rebel against her father... it's Azula wanting her father to UNDERSTAND that she's 100% his supporter and will put everything on the line to serve him and the Fire Nation.

And it's very damn easy to read that exact same thing into Azula's dynamics with Lo and Li as it is to see it EXPLICITLY STATED in the liveaction.

My point?

What the liveaction did is not nearly as much of a distant characterization choice as people think it is.

Ozai is Azula's Achilles' Heel. Everything she became, everything she grew up to be, was for his sake. He molded her to become those things and simply didn't give a shit about raising a daughter, he treated her as a weapon, and absolutely pitted his children against each other, just as much as OTHER adults in their lives did. But the impact of Ozai on Azula in the OG is easy to ignore. Why? Because we SELDOM see them interacting. Because we don't get that side of Azula's character fully explored. Because they didn't want to explore Ozai's character either! They were as cheap as they could be with all these aspects and so, only the people who really got into analyzing things on a deeper level would be able to say, without a doubt, that Ozai abused Azula emotionally with all the expectations and demands he put on his own child. Through the golden child-scapegoat dynamic that people have been bringing up non-stop in the past years.

So, proving herself to her father is what Azula wants to do, more than anything. Proving worthy of his favor, of his approval, is the closest thing she can get to feeling loved. Which is depressing as fuck. Azula gets zero affection: it's not even conditional affection, there's NOTHING for her besides approving words if she gets anything right. And this show's work with Azula's character? It was meant to make these things less invisible to all the fans who like to pretend none of it exists. And yes, I've seen them, crawling all over Twitter shitting themselves in fits of rage because how dare that show pretend Azula EVER had a bad time in her perfect flawless life!!

Well, the irony is that the OG gives you a smidge of evidence -- and yet that's enough -- to show that Ozai was doing very similar things to Azula in ATLA, and her reactions to it?

Huh. No smirks for Lo and Li.

No smirks for the symbols of Ozai's control over her life.

It's almost like the confidence, the smirks, the apparent ease with which she handles everything? Is a front that crumbles easily whenever it concerns the ONE PERSON with power over her life.

I don't believe, worth noting, that Azula's power comes from rage. I've seen people say that in fandom in the past and I find it a completely absurd take when Iroh himself spells out that her bending is about control, about precision, and it's Azula's FURY that makes her a sloppy mess in the finale. It's even INTENTIONAL that when she shoots lightning a second time, in her second establishing scene, THAT SAME HAIR FALLS OUT OF PLACE. She's still angry. She didn't get it "right" this time either. She's imperfect and she's trying NOT to be, but she cannot succeed. And upon bending lightning with emotions (rage/frustration)? That hair falls YET AGAIN out of place. Proof that she's not going to achieve the perfection she's being FORCED (indeed, by her father and the people who are here to represent him, Lo and Li) to strive for.

The liveaction had Ozai pushing Azula for a perfection she couldn't attain either. She's perfectly content in her cruelty at Ozai's side, right until she hears the Avatar was found and that Zuko has a shot at taking away the privileges she's been basking in so far. That she WASN'T nervous about this in canon is pretty damn obvious: OZAI SENT HER TO HUNT ZUKO DOWN FOR BEING A FAILURE. We never saw her reaction to learning that the Avatar was out and about. We have noooo idea what was canonically going on with her back then. The first time we see her besides the flashback is Azula receiving a mission that tells her she's STILL #1 and Zuko is no threat to her because Ozai thinks he's a failure. Thus? She had nothing to fear. Here? Ozai is actively using Zuko as bait to pressure Azula further. And if you're so confident in Ozai's good parenting skills as to believe he somehow WOULDN'T do that? Sounds like you don't understand the very basic and simplistic Fire Lod Ozai from ATLA, and that's not something to be proud of. So probably stop screaming your bad takes at the top of your lungs, because being incapable of understanding Ozai in canon is not a badge of pride, just saying...

FINAL POINT...

This post is not written expressly in the defense of the liveaction and its characterization of Azula. To this point, what I've seen of it doesn't feel WRONG or OFF unless you're the kind of person who thinks Azula is only capable of smirking and if she stops doing that she stops existing or something. Only people who cannot understand the depth, nuance, subtleties in Azula's story would ever be claiming that Azula's relationship with Ozai COUDLN'T be like this, or that Azula couldn't possibly be frustrated with her father or his choices when it's soooo clear what Ozai is going for, and why it's working. But in order to read Azula as a character capable of this range of emotion, frustration and ambition, all at once? You have to be able to treat this character, be it in the liveaction or the OG show, as a human being.

And that's what most the people criticizing this specific change are determined not to do. It's what makes them uncomfy. It's what rustles their jimmies.

Yes. I'm saying it in this very demeaning way because I actually find it quite ridiculous to be this insecure over the portrayal of a fictional 14yo in two TV shows. Whether the liveaction sticks the landing or fails catastrophically, I do not know... but I do know that if it's forcing a bunch of people to rethink Azula's character, and making them panic at the idea that she could EVER have human emotions, even if they're AWFUL human emotions?

Then I'm afraid you're only convincing me that, as bad as that show could ever get? It's getting SOMETHING right. I do love to see misinterpretations of Azula getting slammed in the face by the reality that all those beliefs, headcanons and takes in bad faith are actively, categorically untrue: none of which makes Azula a fundamentally good person, worth noting! But it makes it very clear that reading her as a one-dimensional basic villain, which is what the anti-Azula-redemption crowd actively does, is literally only possible if you overlook, ignore and fail to understand her character and her complexities, be it in the liveaction or in the original show.

There. I said my piece.

Another post, regarding the rest of the liveaction, is bound to come later. I'd say stay tuned but it might take me a while to write it at all. So... wait around and maybe you'll see it someday!

#azula #atla #natla #yep :')#I'm doing it #because I know the bad takes are everywhere so #let's see if mine actually gets any visibility this way #can of worms here we goooooooooo #(this is a bad idea I know it is I'm having a leave of my senses)#(but sometimes you just gotta watch the world burn and this has been... a complicated sad day)#also sorry if anyone saw it without the read more oops I thought I'd put it there #so either tumblr ate it or I forgot yikes #but now it's theeeere #sorryyyyyyyy

186 notes · View notes