#this is my gender and I'm proud of it

[misscammiedawn]

Watching the latest Philosophy Tube video (hey, we graduated the same vocal school! Awesome!) after having spent my morning reviewing the "how to announce your transition" guidelines for at work on behalf of the HR department.

And I'm thinking about what I'd say to 2018 Camden.

To the monogamously married man with a mortgage and a successful career he just received a major award for, who spends every major holiday with his found family, can stand to talks to members of his biofam across the pond and has no idea we have a dissociative disorder.

How could I convince them we'd lose all of that. That every fear we had will come true. That we'd abandon it all by choice and somehow end up happier (except for the pandemic that has had us locked indoors for 4 years, no I'm not kidding, I'm sorry. This coming decade is going to suck, but we'll be happier in our existing in the crappier world) in the end?

I don't think I could. We were plugged into The Matrix at the time and those still plugged in are subject to The System. We'd die to protect it all the way until we are unplugged.

That haunting ending to I Saw The TV Glow? That was us 5/6 years ago.

I think I'd not tell try to convince them. They got there in the end. It was hard for us too.

I'd be honest with them about one thing that still gets us, the pain that never goes away. To this day.

"Some days, you'll think it's too much for you. It's too big. It's too difficult. Some days it will drain you dry to think we have to keep this up forever. That we can't keep up the "act" and trying to perform our voice, to endure the hair removal, to feel like we're Doing It Wrong. Some days we'll want to quit "

and I'd look into those blue eyes that sparkle like mine and hear a deeper voice reply:

"Same here, though. Being a bloke 24/7 is hard as fuck. I always feel like I'm doing it wrong and that I don't think I can keep this shit up forever, either. I hate my voice. Hate my jawline. Hate my skin. I hate just about everything but my hair."

...and I don't know.

Recognizing that my weakest moments are just me feeling how I used to feel all day every day forever and ever?

It helps remind me... that pain is a passing moment. Just a reminder of how it used to be.

Still exhausting, though. But I'll keep up with the voice work and learn how to do make-up and work out my fashion style and be the best woman I can be.

Oh and continue taking care of the hair. But that was never an issue. We love our hair. Always have.

[dr-wuffles]

Hot take: as a trans woman who has suffered trans misogyny:

Trans misogyny is not an indicator of whether or not someone is trans. We did this shit with gender dysphoria in 2013 and we know it's wrong nowadays. Being trans isn't about suffering for fucks sake.

[canisonicscrewyou]

Why is it every Doctor Who stan obsessed with the Master is some sort of sexually and mentally unwell gender boy

Response A: That is literally just half of my followers on this blog. Maybe even 70% depending on the day.

Response B: WHERE are the swaths of mentally and sexually unwell gender boys where where where and also do they. wanna. kiss.

[cyellolemon]

First gay people of the month: me!! :3

[quazkers]

THE LITTLEST ACTIONS

GN!Reader and Diluc ; Fluff x10 "Are these possible signs he's in love with me?"

These past few months your good friend Diluc has been acting a bit odd. Not in a angsty or rude way, more like signs that tend to get your heart beating in a odd fasten pattern. Hopeless romantic you decided to visit Lisa for a talk, hoping maybe she can explain the reasoning on why your friendship with Diluc seems to be moving up a couple of steps than you expected.

"Pft-" Lisa brought up a hand to her face, trying to conceal her laughter. "Wha- What are you laughing for!? I came here for you to help me, not to laugh at me!" You said, a bit embarrassed. Was there something you weren't seeing that others could clearly note?

"Why don't you repeat everything again, and maybe you'll finally notice." Lisa calmed down, taking a sip from her teacup as she looked at you. You mumbled something under your breath before taking a breath, preparing to explain once more.

𓂃 # IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY FACE?

Both you and Diluc decided to head out to eat for lunch together. You both sat outside Good Hunter, enjoying the meals peacefully. The silence was peaceful, though you couldn't help but look toward Diluc, who was staring at you with this look in his eyes. You tried to ignore it, though each time you took a bite out of your food you couldn't help but feel a bit flustered.

"Uh- Uhm, Diluc?" You asked, placing your fork down. You saw him flinched a bit, before he burst into a series of coughs. You didn't see him stopping any time soon and quickly rushed over to his side to help.

Sara stared from behind her counter, witnessing the whole scene unfold.

"BAHAHHAHAHA-" Lisa almost spat her tea out from laughing. "Hey! I didn't know what to do alright!" You covered your face with your hands, flustered. Lisa quickly took a napkin and cleaned herself, before clearing her throat. "I'll certainly have to visit Sara to hear more about what happened-" You glared at Lisa, quickly shutting her up. "Any who- Continue with the next one." Lisa said, waving her hand for you to continue.

𓂃 # YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOMED.

You walked over to Diluc's manor, trying to return something he had left at your place. You were meant to tell him yesterday that you were gonna stop by to drop off his coat, though he had rushed off to continue his duties before you could tell him.

The view of the manor came within view, and the smell of grapes filled your nose. A sense of nostalgia always filled you when you came over to visit. Though this time you couldn't help but wonder if Diluc was home.

'It would be nice to see him today...' You thought as you were now in front of the door. Before you could knock on the door, it quickly swung open.

"[Name?]" Diluc stared at you, his eyes widened a bit in surprise. "What brings you here?"

"Oh! Diluc! You scared me for a bit haha.." You put a hand over your heart, recovering from the shock you had felt. "Ah.. Sorry," Diluc looked over to what you had in your hands. "Oh, my coat. Have you came here to return it?" He asked. You nodded, handing him his coat.

"I was gonna tell you I still had your coat though you ran off before I can finish," You smiled softly. "Sorry about that. Something urgent came up-" Diluc scratched his cheek, returning your smile.

"Hm? Is that [name]?" A familiar voice came behind Diluc. Adelinde came into view, a smile present on her voice. "[Name]! It has been a while since I've seen you! How are you doing?" She cheerfully said. "I've been well Adelinde! Sorry that I haven't been able to visit lately. My work has been a mess these days." You chuckled, returning Adelinde's smile.

"It certainly is starting to get dark! Why don't you join Master Diluc for dinner?" She asked, continuing to have an innocent smile on her face. Diluc's eyes widened a bit once more, looking toward Adelinde.

You looked toward Diluc, seeing a hint of red in his ears, though it might just be his hair. "I would love to but I'm sure Diluc is busy-" "I wouldn't mind." Diluc interrupted your sentence before you could finish, clearing his throat. You began to heat up a bit.

"Well then! I'll start preparing the table!" Adelinde clapped her hands together before taking her leave.

You smiled, watching her take her leave. "You know- You're always welcomed here [name]." Diluc said, avoiding eye contact. You stepped through the doors, your face heating up.

"Hm~? I'm quite suspicious on how you had the Master Diluc's coat at your place." Lisa smirked, a mischievous look on her face. You had an annoyed expression on your face as you sipped your tea. "Are you gonna share or-?" Lisa poked at you, waiting for an answer. "Fine fine! Last one!"

𓂃 # THANK THE RAIN.

You ran through the rain, finding shelter under a small part under a roof. You groaned, realizing you had forgotten your umbrella at home. "Looks like I'll have to run through the rain or wait it out." You said, silently praying a better option pops up, and thank the gods who answered your prayer quickly.

"Forgotten your umbrella again?" A familiar voice popped up beside you. You quickly turned, seeing a familiar red blotch of hair. "Ahahaha, you know me." You chuckled, looking at Diluc. Some rustling sounds were made until Diluc started to place his coat on you.

"Eh? Don't you need this?" You questioned, trying to process his actions. "I'll be alright." Diluc looked away from you. You smiled softly, a warm feeling embracing your heart. "I should get going now then, thank you a lot Diluc." Before you left, you grabbed Diluc's arm softly, turning him towards you. Your lips came into contact to his cheek quickly, leaving a warm feeling.

You ran off toward the direction of your home, leaving a flustered Diluc behind.

He reached out before bringing his hand to the spot where you had left a quick kiss, a soft smile present on his face.

"Ohohoho~ I didn't take you as the confident one," Lisa giggled as you focused on your cup of tea. "How adorable you two are. I'm quite surprised how you manage to get Master Diluc melt within your presence, hehe." Lisa continued to mess with you, your face heating up after each comment.

A knock on the door saved you from Lisa's antics. A creaking noise was then heard as the door slowly opened. There stood a knight, with an envelope in his hand. "I have an important message for... [Name]?"

"That would be me," You smiled. The knight walked over and handed you the envelope quickly, before bowing and taking his leave.

"Oooo, what does it say?" Lisa stood up and walked over to you, looking over your shoulder.

Your name was written elegantly on the envelope. You took your time opening it, a sheet of paper slipping out. "Meet me at Starsnatch Cliff when the sun begins to set. I'll be patiently waiting for your arrival. -Diluc." The familiar hand writing had already hinted on who it was in the beginning.

"Looks like you should start running there~" Lisa giggled, pointing toward the window.

"Ack! Thank you for the help Lisa! I'll return it later!" You quickly gathered your stuff, rushing out the door.

"Ah, young romance,"

[slashmagpie]

“Here’s what happened, okay. We were on a date with Clebert—”

“It’s not a date.”

“—and, and Etho walks by and she, she looks at him, she’s like whoa.”

“She just catcalls him, like woohoo!”

“Woo!”

“I’m out, yeah!”

“You got it wrong, me and Etho are besties! We’re not—we’re not—it’s not romantic.”

They’re not sure why it feels so important. 

It’s not that Cleo has ever really—well, that’s not quite—they’ve never argued about it before, is the thing. Like—with Bdubs. With Bdubs, right, people had—they’d assumed. It’s what people do. Even Scott, and Scott is—Scott is Scott. He knows about these sorts of things. And even he…

“Bdubs is your ride or die, Jimmy’s mine, he’s my husband, and he’s with them, so I’m kind of—but I don’t ever want to fight you.”

“If Bdubs betrays me—if our husbands die, yeah?”

Husband. Because that was the word Scott had been using, for Jimmy, and Bdubs had been Cleo’s Jimmy, in a way, so it had—it had made sense. Use the same words for the same thing. And then—being married is kind of a funny bit, isn’t it? So later, when Bdubs and Impulse had been lying to them—

“Bdubs, I know we’re divorced and you’re with Impulse now, but did you really think you could lie to me?”

And whilst Cleo’s not sure they put too much stock in Ren’s claims as to what he’d caught Bdubs and Impulse doing in the woods, they know that whatever those two had going on wasn’t quite the same. They’d said it was, but they hadn’t really meant it. Not really. Marriage—marriage is a funny bit, really, is all it is. 

After all, last season, with Etho—being divorced is also a funny bit. 

“I’m not calling you wife.”

“You can call me Cleo!”

He still doesn’t call them wife. Still calls them Cleo. Calls them bestie, now, too, ironic grin beneath his mask. Etho’s not too big on PDA, either, which is—nice. Not that Cleo doesn’t like it, it’s just—

“It’s platonic,” they insist to Tango, to Skizz, and see their eyes sparkle. They don’t get it. They don’t get it, and it makes Cleo’s skin crawl, because—

Cleo’s loyal, is the thing. When they say ride or die, when they say allies, when they say husband or soulmate or my boys—they mean it. If you’re theirs, you’re theirs, and that means everything. 

But it doesn’t mean—

Romance is a funny bit. It’s a like a costume, really. Pull it on, pull it off, kiss and hold hands and sleep in the same bed and say your vows for the fun of it. Then shrug it off at the end of the day and go back to being friends. There’s no—they don’t feel any of those sappy things, really. It’s not them. Sure, Cleo loves people, loves their friends, but not—like that. They don’t want anything to do with any of that. The aesthetic of it, the performance of it, the drama of it? They’ll take it. But they’ll leave the rest. The mushy, goopy, complicated feelings soup part of it—that’s not theirs. Other people can deal with that. Cleo will be off dealing with better things.

It’s—it’s like being a woman, really, in that Cleo doesn’t really mind that people see them that way—plays into it, really, loves the aesthetic, has fun with the performance—but they don’t really feel it. And they don’t mind that other people don’t exactly understand—

Until they step too close, say something Cleo really doesn’t like the sound of, and then they’re snapping, “I’m not a woman,” with such force it makes the perpetrator flinch.

It’s the same thing, this, Tango and Skizz stepping too close to their toes, getting in their personal space, and it bubbles up out of them before they can stop it. It’s platonic. We’re platonic. And the fact that other people aren’t seeing that—

It itches. Prickles. Stifles. Hugs their bones like an ill-fitting coat.

It’s one thing to wear a costume, to put on a show—but Cleo will not be stuffed into a suit without their permission and put up on a stage to read a script they never had any intention of performing. 

“We’re just besties, we’re not in a romantic relationship,” they tell Tango. He blinks at them, and they can see that the words don’t quite go in—

It itches.

Maybe if Cleo makes being besties the new bit, the itch will stop bothering them quite so much.

[adelacreations]

Steve shook the offered hand cautiously, not sure what to expect, exactly. "You, uh…don't really seem like a Duke. Unless this is your castle...?"

The man- Eddie- threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, don't let the lady of the house hear you say that, or your chances of making it out of here with your little nugget safe and sound are gonna go from slim to none-whoa, hey now-!"

[a1sart]

I think the shifting mound was right about being solitary lights in an empty city. I too am solitary lights in an empty city I think. but like. in a gender way.

[trans-cuchulainn]

sometimes i want to make a post about a particular aroace experience but 2015 ace discourse fucked me up too much to feel comfy posting that here, especially because some people apparently haven't fucking moved on given that i saw a bunch of it in the notes of an unrelated post a couple of days ago

[jabeur]

ok i got a little emotional bc i have gotten so much better at putting on nail polish and it's 😭

[misscammiedawn]

If I were to try and describe my gender situation I'd say I've got a Ship of Theseus situation going on with a hoarder's mentality. We ain't got a use for that T and deep voice but it don't make do to toss it out, shove that shit in the attic and we'll see if it's useful later.

Turns out that with a dissociative disorder in play that shit does end up coming in useful.

[six-of-snakes]

somtimes a boy's just gotta recognize the girl he used to be and acknowledge what she did for him and then move on to keep living his life knowing she's watching proud of what he's done

[account-name]

my phone guy has officially decided to start using he/she pronouns btw :)

[transjudas]

I was 16 when Gerard was putting on makeup and talking about the process of doing that on fuse tv. 16 in that photo of me beside him. I didn’t have the words or understanding then to know that I was trans. I just felt different. Like I was “bad at being a girl” I would say then. I remember seeing Gerard and seeing someone that the people around me would say was “bad at being a boy”. 

For me I could just feel that they were someone who, like me, didn’t feel comfortable in the box or the label society put on him. Neither myself nor Gerard had gotten comfortable with certain parts of ourselves (I say this based on what Gerard said then and has since said about themselves and their gender/gender  presentation) but there was something about him that I could just feel so deeply was in some way familiar. I felt seen on so many levels despite no words about it being said, not really. 

Now I’ve been openly transmasc for a several years and have been becoming more and more comfortable and proud of who I am. And it’s been the most beautiful gift seeing Gerard feeling that same way and getting to be himself on stages across the world. I’m getting to see the person who made me feel so not alone in my confusing and unknown difference as a teenager get to be who they are at the same time that I am too. 

Thank you Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance, and the My Chem fandom for being a place I could grow and learn about who I am. 

And as ever, in the face of extinction, say fuck you!

(lyrics are from Ring of Keys in Fun Home, a song that was written by a butch, about a butch. Sending all of my love to the butches of the world. Y’all rock) (x, x)

[fuckedupwizard]

modern au ouyang and gender talk below the cut

i've been thinking about ouyang's genital/gender situation in a modern au since like... thankfully eunuchs aren't really a thing anymore, especially not the way ancient china makes them! and while i think it would obviously be more likely for modern au ouyang to just, like, have a dick (maybe he's still very pretty and deals with a similar kind of societal pressure to overcompensate? that could definitely happen, lots of cis men are naturally very 'feminine' in appearance) i think that - bearing in mind i'm cis and want to be as sensitive as possible- i really like the idea of modern au ouyang as intersex, specifically with complete (most likely) or partial androgen insensitivity syndrome. ouyang being what many doctors would describe as "genetically male" (which i understand is flawed, since not all intersex people agree with a binary categorisation for themselves) but having a feminine presentation, a lack of testosterone, and most likely the social raising of a girl would preserve his trans narrative and gender dysphoria but also retain the core part of ouyang's character that is like... the pain and outrage that something he had was taken away from him. the chance to be a "normal man" if you will.

[batri-jopa]

Thank you @chrisoels for tagging me in a Picrew challenge!

Here are the rules: make yourself as a kid, teen, young adult and now, using this Picrew, use your favorite color at the time as a background, and tag some people.

Tagging, if you'd like to try: @zorilleerrant , @figuringthengsout , @ourtintedworld