#this is probably for like…me and three other people but here it is 🤡

[kedsandtubesocks]

In the Woods (Somewhere) - Mothman!Gojo

Ghost stories around the city whisper about a creature in the forest. They describe it as a moth like monster that only brings misfortune and death.

But what will you do as you learn these silly ghost stories are true flesh and bone… and now haunting you?

pairing: satoru gojo x f!reader

wc: 12.9k

warnings & tags: 18+ only MDNI, monster x human relationship, loose interpretation of the mothman legends and stories, death mentions, protectiveness & obsession that can be read as slight yandere like, lot of bug discussion, monster transformation with a touch of body horror, wound licking, blood & tear consumption, magical healing, car accident, allusion to f!oral receiving, kidnapping, character deaths (this ends happy I promise) feral and lovesick Gojo, if there is anything I missed please let me know!

a/n: this is my first submission to @willowser Haunted House Collab and I’m so honored to be part of this! Thank you for putting this together dear Willow! The title is from the lovely Hozier song. Also a big thanks to @skeletoncowboys for letting me scream about this monster & to @stellamancer for always being my dearest comrade in Gojo hell, enjoy and thanks for reading! Stay spooky!

Your grandfather once told you he believed butterflies were fairies and moths were angels.

It made sense to your child logic that butterflies could be fairy creatures. You even imagined fairies had butterfly wings. But, you had argued back in disgust that moths couldn’t be angels.

“Now now,” your grandpa had laughed. “Why can’t moths be angels?”

He gently explained moths were mainly seen in the evening and around light. He believed moths were the forms angels took to keep watch over everyone late in the night when no one believed they were being protected

“And,” he told you with all his sweet patience. “Something like a moth that loves the light can’t be bad.”

Scientifically you now understand moths mainly were nocturnal as a survival instinct for less predators and more opportunities for prey. Some were even active during the daytime. But your grandfather's words stay with you, etched into your heart.

He is why you are here after all.

The campus at night always holds a certain hollowness.

However, the storm that blew in yesterday continues looming with ominous clouds in the sky. It cast an early darkness against the city. The thick haze feels as if something could slink out of the shadows.

When you slip out of the research lab building there, against the light outside, one lone white moth flutters in the air.

Quickly glancing around the campus stretches out before you a vacant lot. In that moment of surveying, delicate wings rapidly flutter fast and wild against your face.

“Ack!” A surprised squawk leaves you at the moth’s sudden charge.

“I told you!” You hiss out waving the bug away. “You could’ve waited for me at home.”

The moth, outraged by your words, rushes against your face harder. Silk wings flap hard while it continues waving around your line of sight in a flurry.

“Calm down, you big baby!” You snap back annoyed and start stomping towards your car.

Now the little insect stops its fluttering attack to gently land on your face. As the bug travels across your cheek, its presence is a gentle tickling sensation. It finally stops and rests against you.

“Happy now?” You mutter low praying no one spots you with a large white moth on your face.

“I’m gonna pick up dinner. So are you getting in the car or meeting me back home?” You speak casual yet still within a low mutter.

With a delicate tickle again, the moth scurries across your cheek then across your nose making your lips twitch in a slight giggle.

Then the creature flutters away, your answer.

The pizzeria you end up at is adorably cozy. You spotted it during the drive to and from campus. Once you read the online reviews and got their blessing you decided to check it out.

Christmas lights hang from the takeout counter where you wait for your order. There’s even a quaint bar-like area. But what catches your attention is the small section of things littering the walls behind the counter.

It reminds you of a scrapbook.

Various newspaper clippings clutter one side. A few blurry photos are folded and pinned to the board. Plenty of hand drawn images scatter among the collage and they range from adorable to terrifying.

All of these things are about one single moth creature.

The board itself is even titled -

The Moth’s Nest.

Moth nests can be disastrous. They infect fast and are hard to exterminate. Plus once they create a nest, infestation is soon to follow.

“Ah, looking at our board.” A smooth voice purrs into the air and you turn towards it in slight embarrassment.

A beautiful blonde woman grins at you from behind the counter now.

“I heard the town had a moth thing but this…” from the drawings, which all included a strange humanoid like creature, this is far from the high moth population count it was known for.

The woman barks an amused laugh and it crinkles her rather lovely eyes.

“You could say that,” she grins. “You new here?”

“Sort of.” You nod. You’ve been here for almost a full semester now and you wonder if the newness will ever melt away.

“Well then, welcome to town!” The woman’s name is Yuki and for being a newcomer she pays for your pizza.

“Even though you got this for takeout, why don’t you stay? Eat here and keep me company.” She winks and you happily slide into the open seat she pulls up for you at the checkout counter.

“So what’s a lovely thing like yourself doing here?” Yuki asks smoothly and you almost choke on your first bite.

After she cackles a warm charismatic laugh, you swallow through your surprise and tell her.

“An en-tah what?” She caws confused like a bird and even her furrowed brows make you snicker.

“An entomologist,” you clarify.

In simple terms, you study bugs.

“Oh!” Yuki’s eyebrows fly fast up into her bangs as her eyes twinkle excitedly. “So you’re all about the creepy crawlers then.”

“Not all of them,” you reply back friendly.

You favored Odonatology and Lepidopterology.

The studies of dragonflies, damselflies, butterflies and in this case-

Moths.

“Well now,” Yuki grins and turns to glance at the board. “Looks like you’re in the right place to find moths.”

It was one of the reasons why you chose this program. The university boasted a plentiful and hands-on ecosystem to explore right within the town’s backyard. You just never expected an urban legend to come attached to the critter population.

Curiously you nudge your face towards the odd journalistic collection and ask about it.

Yuki’s face melts into a wistful look that casts a surprising shadow on her.

“It’s a creature that apparently lives in the woods…” she begins, low and steady.

No one knew how or when it began inhabiting the forest. Some argued it’s a simple folklore meant to scare rowdy kids from venturing into the woods.

“The stories say it’s an actual demon.” Yuki explains.

“There’s a belief that anyone who sees it either dies soon after or calamity befalls the town.”

Yuki’s words conjure up a poisonous fear. She adds how any sight of the cryptid, even in the strongest of nonbelievers, brought a sense of unease.

“But,” Yuki shrugs easily turning back to you. “Some people say that thing is a hero.”

The word hero gets tangled in your ribs

Your new friend explains there are those who have seen the beast and lived to tell a different tale.

Multiple children on different occasions have got lost in the woods. Yet, they always found their way out. Most of them claimed the moth creature helped them.

“There’s even an elderly man who went hiking and still swears up and down that thing saved him from getting attacked by a mountain lion.” Yuki comments.

“That’s a big claim.” You admire the thought of this monstrous creature possibly being a silent guardian. However, it festers something dangerous in your heart that weaves a sticky web.

The pizza on your plate grows cold. The lone drink you were nursing now is a watered down mess. You’ve lost your appetite and decide to head home.

There’s not much for your mind to process. It feels like the same sensation of walking out of a horror film and trying to understand what you saw. You try to rationalize this disorienting simply the same sensation you’d also get hearing ghost stories at sleepovers.

Yuki urges you with a warm charm that you’ll come and visit again, you promise her you will.

Walking out with leftovers in the box, the night greets you with a soupy fog. The lingering storms coat the streets in a mystic cloud.

You wonder if this clouded fog is inside your mind as well.

You’re about to take a step out into the parking lot when a horrifying animalistic shriek pierces the air.

It sounds distorted, a static shrill cry summoned from an ancient abomination.

The screech shoots straight into your bones startling you and making you jump in a pause.

In that moment a car speeding way too fast for a parking lot flies by you. It drives by with a whirling speed rattling the wind.

The noise, the shriek, stopped you from stepping out into the car’s path.

You mind buzzes, maybe too much. The gloomy air seeps into your skin and brings a heaviness over your body. You exhale shakily trying to just settle yourself as you head home.

When you return to the tiny closet of your apartment, there outside against the balcony door your white moth flutters furiously waiting for you.

Sliding the door open you’re about to greet your extra house guest until the text chime on your phone draws your attention away.

As you check your phone charging on the couch, a sudden thud lands against your apartment floors. The flapping of wings flutters into the room.

Before you can even turn around, a shadow falls over you. The presence of something large looms like a ghost, silent and steady yet radiating a chill besides you. Then a firm fuzzy face suddenly dives into the side of your neck burrowing against your skin.

“You need to be more careful.” A voice crystal and aware, yet flickering as if it speaks through the branches of the woods, clicks at you.

You think of the car that blazed by.

“It happens and I’m okay.” You reassure.

The inhuman face hiding in your neck draws back. Then a firm head soon enough gently butts against yours. The action jolts you out of your thoughts and you rapidly turn towards the heaviness leaning against you.

Crawled straight from the shadow of the woods, from the whispers of terrified stories, the creature before you still doesn’t seem real.

You think of Yuki and the moth’s nest board at the pizza shop. All the pictures depict the creature with haunting crimson eyes.

You wish you could have told Yuki the monster’s eyes aren’t red, but instead a piercing sky blue.

And instead of two eyes, the creature holds six beautiful eyes all over his face.

All six eyes of those eyes blink at you with the depth of a haunted lake shimmering within their gaze.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

“Why do you want to study insects?”

Discovering the cryptid could talk was honestly more surprising than discovering he was real.

Also, he had a name.

“Sa-to-ru.” He had told you, pronouncing its syllables as if your little human brain might not get it. It made you scowl. Yet the name itself sounded like something that fluttered out of the forest breeze.

Currently the moth creature, Satoru, sits happily on your apartment balcony under the dark cover of night. You have articles you need to read, lab reports to finish. But, you stay sitting on the floor beside him.

“My grandfather studied them.” You explain, giving the same answer you always do when this question is asked.

“He loved almost every type of bug there was.”

“Sounds like my type of human.” The moth amusedly chitters. “Love to meet him.”

“Honestly, he would’ve loved to meet you too.” You truthfully admit and almost grin thinking of how excited your grandpa would’ve been to see this creature.

“Unfortunately, he passed away a few years ago.” You add simply.

“Oh.” The cryptid replies quietly. “I’m sorry.”

You politely thank him.

“Is he the one besides the moth?”

You’re surprised Satoru even noticed that.

The frame sits on your eclectic shelf filled with books and trinkets. There’s two pictures in that frame. One is a photo of your grandfather during his days when he moved out here to teach at the university you currently attend. The other photo is you and him both holding up big nets when you were a little weed of a thing looking so happy besides him.

Besides those photos is his favorite sketch.

“It’s a luna moth, right?” He’s right again. Though, you’re not surprise he recognized it.

“Yup, the lunar moth was his favorite.” You fondly agree.

Actias luna.

Your grandpa used it as his example of how beautiful and lovely moths could be.

“He’s a man of good taste.” The moth compliments and for some reason it tugs at your lips. You can almost hear your grandfather's voice warmly boasting in pride.

“I wanna show you something, little human.” The moth quickly changes topic and when you turn to him, you find him grinning.

Rows of dangerous sharpened fangs flash within his mouth. They are a visible warning to not trust this creature, but you do.

“After your class this week, I’ll take you somewhere.” Satoru urges.

“Are you going to eat me?” You ask a bit stunned.

Satoru laughs, a flickering chirping noise that bounces off your apartment balcony.

“Oh little human, if I did eat humans I would’ve done that already.”

You glare at him but sighing you agree to whatever he has in store for you.

On your last class of the week, there outside against the campus street light your white moth flutters excitedly.

You think about how dangerous it is that he sticks around campus, even in this form.

With a rapid flurry he flies around your face. You can’t help but snort at the tickling sensation.

“Yeah I’m here, let’s go.” You tease.

Under the twilight hazee, you follow the moth into the woods.

The setting sun casts a shadow over the stretching forest. The trees silently watch your hesitant trek as you follow the moth further into the thickness.

Eventually you’re in the heart of it. No noise greets you, not even the rustling of birds or the fleeing of other animals. It’s as if in this depth all life had stilled. No movement or sign of life encroaches into this space. You realize this might have been the most ridiculous idea, following this cryptid myth into the unknown.

Suddenly the moth stops in front of a large solid tree.

“This is what you wanted to show me?” You’re a bit confused. The insect flutters around you in a huffy flight then goes to spin around the tree.

Satoru himself now slides out from behind the tree in his humanoid form.

“It’s not just a tree.” His six eyes narrow at you annoyed. Your eyes roll exhausted with him already.

“Do you trust me?”

The question surprises you.

Hesitantly you nod, a quiet yes. Satoru then effortlessly scoops you into his arms as if you weigh nothing.

A wild squeak escapes you. His firm arms hold you in his grasp and your mind starts scrambling being this close to him. The fur of his body tickles your arms and the solid warmth of him curls around you.

Satoru’s chittering laugh bounces among the trees.

He then takes flight.

You swallow back a petrified screech threatening to escape and simply let the wind rush around you. A solid thud comes, a landing.

“Open your eyes, little human.” Satoru whispers excited.

You hadn’t realized you had closed them.

The nest before you is a cobwebbed cocoon. You had never seen one this big. The opening of it is carved out wide, a webbed open maw with secrets trying to draw you in.

“Go in, you can see more.” His wistful voice skitters out playful, so light it could get caught in the tree branches.

He’s eager to show you this.

Hesitantly you lean into the nest just to glance inside.

It’s actually rather cozy. Webs and branches twist in a delicate pattern to create a solid enclosing. Leaves scatter the inside floor that is rather large. You can even imagine his large form curled in here cat-like as he sleeps.

“So? What do you think?” He asks with an anticipated edge blooming in his voice. He’s showing you his home.

You remember when he first showed himself to you, even gave you his name.

The logical reasoning within you thought many times about studying this cryptid. There was even a fleeting moment you considered capturing him and returning him back to the lab.

Now you are here discovering his home. You find yourself wanting to unearth as much as you can of this incredibly infuriating but wonderfully interesting creature.

“It’s nice!” You earnestly admire the space. Yet, the truth whispers a harrowing fact.

The bigger the nest, the bigger the infection and danger.

So you instead turn to glance out to the forest around. You’re so high above in the canopy of the trees. Silence seems to settle thicker here among the sky and it mingles with the evening darkness.

The forest, even as tranquil as it appears, holds a sense of loneliness you can’t fully describe.

“Have you been here at this spot for long?”

He chirps a humming yes.

“The high placement keeps me safe and away from prying eyes.” Among the trees and leaves he is simply a shadow.

“Do people try to hunt you?” That grim thought arrives.

“A few try, but no one’s even come close.” A cocky pride brims in Satoru’s tone.

You understand why people would try and search for him. But to hunt him like some prized sport? So you have to ask why.

“Besides some humans believe killing me will solve and save them from all their disasters, a select few who want me for other purposes.” Satoru muses as his antennas twitch.

“What other purposes?” You glance back at the cryptid perched on the solid large branch beside you.

In the dark, all six eyes glimmer with an animalistic reflection, a haunting gleam and reminder of the creature's true nature before you.

All those months ago, these multiple eyes stared at you from the edge of the woods by your apartment and the campus like silent terrors. Now they watch you with intent safety right by your side.

“There’s an old legend…” Satoru answers. “It says my kind could bring someone back from the dead.”

The words spark a curious flame in you.

“Wait, really? Is it true?”

The moth being simply shrugs, an action so human you almost want to laugh.

“Some believe it. That’s enough to hunt my kind.”

So many questions cluster in your mind. You wonder more about his kind, about him. Yet there is no way to scoop all those questions out.

All you can do is gaze out at the scenery before you.

The trees pierce the darkness with their own spiked tendrils. The night sky blankets above you with twinkle stars, glimmering pockets of faint light so clear.

Yet, for some reason this again feels so lonely.

Even with the stretching comforting woods, you can’t shake the sensation of solitude slipping out.

“So why do you still stick around?” You suddenly ask not even understanding why yourself.

“What? Around you or here?” He asks.

“Both.”

A chirp of a sigh comes, heavy with an ancient weary.

“I’ve thought about leaving, migrating somewhere else, somewhere safer.” His voice drops gently, a small click in the wind.

“But…” His voice trails off even more delicate.

“Something just keeps…pulling me back here. Like I’m meant to be here. That I’ve been waiting for something.” You’ve never heard him this wistful and distant.

Then his response also has you curious.

“Do you have any idea what it is?” You cautiously and gently press.

“No idea.” His answer is rapidly too casual that you snort, shaking your head.

“And why am I still hanging around you? Who knows, maybe I just like to bug you.”

The pun isn’t lost especially on you and you groan annoyed even though a smile twitches at your lips.

Among the shade of stars and shadow of the forest, you sit with a creature of the darkness.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

The moth had first appeared at your window balcony dancing around the light like an ethereal wisp of a spirit. It happily flew around you and even spun around your entire apartment. You eventually had to shoo it out.

For a while, it was simply you and this strangely persistent moth.

After that, six eyes began appearing at night at the edge of the woods. Strange clicks like howls erupted in the air, haunting lingering sounds that rattled you.

That same week the moth showed up to your apartment flying in a bit of distress. The wings of it flapped slower and you wondered if it was dehydrated or dying.

As you had opened the sliding door to the balcony, that’s when you first witnessed it.

Like butterflies, moths go through a similar life cycle of emerging from a pupa or chrysalis. The new adult insects must crawl out of its old cocoon. The process is the blend of life and destruction.

You discovered the same applied to moth creatures.

The wings fell first then the twisting and emergence of a body from the small frame transformed to life a fully formed creature.

That first time the moth creature metamorphosed on the balcony you screamed so loud your neighbor across the hall came worriedly to check on you.

You had hoped it was all just a bad dream…

Now when you return home early, that monster rests in your bed instead of lurking under it like all the scary stories whisper where monsters lie.

Curled within the sheets, burrowed deep and taking up the entire frame, the creature slumbers. You barely can spot Satoru underneath all the pillows. A few of your shirts peek out from the swirl of blankets and you try not to linger on that.

The messy twisted bed cocoon however does make you think of the grand nest you saw.

A faint snore grumbles out into the room. The muffled animalistic noise should frighten you. Instead it echoes a soothing rumble as you go to make dinner.

In the meditative process of cutting, claws scratching against the tile floor startles you. Your heart skips at the sudden noise and your face whips to the entryway.

In this form, the moth cryptid has to hunch from touching the ceiling.

Satoru’s imposing frame fills up the entire space even with his thick wings folded to his body. The intricate beautiful antennas on top of his head flicker curious. Among the monstrous features, human-like qualities are visible in his arms, his legs, and the core of his body. Yet even in that familiarity, he is covered in sleek fur.

The sigh of this unbelievable being in this tiny kitchen almost has you laughing. Months ago this would have made you scream in terror. Now, his existence has settled into your life a strange blooming metamorphosis.

Then all six of Satoru’s clustered eyes go wide in terror.

His talons rattle rapidly on the floor as he scurries to your side.

“Your hand.” He comments sharply.

Glancing down, blood trickles over your hand and drips softly onto the cutting board. The cut thankfully isn’t deep, simply sliced the top of your finger.

“Guess that means I’m ordering out.” You mutter.

However your new companion immediately snags your hand.

Satoru’s grasp is hard, a terrified clutch as if he’s worried the cut will worsen. Flickering your gaze to him now, all six eyes focus at your hand with a startling petrified seriousness.

“I’m fine.” You reassure. “Let me just grab a band aid.”

The creature’s firm hold is unrelenting, refusing to budge even as you tug to release your hand.

“Hey-” you’re about ready to chide him and urge him to let go-

Until the moth cryptid leans down and with a long thin tongue begins licking at your wound.

Air gets knocked out of your lungs.

You mind can’t process the sight but the wet tickle of his tongue swiping along your skin grounds you. Satoru’s tongue swipes frantically and fast, a panic.

A dangerous heat runs up your arm and claws at your chest. This shouldn’t feel this intimate. Yet, it does.

You can’t even exclaim in surprise because in the small dimly lit kitchen, the moth has you under his spell.

Instead of the panic, there’s now an eased almost lazy and leisurely lap at your skin. The way his tongue slides across you is as if he’s trying to savor you. It slithers with a reverence between your knuckles, across your fingers, and your mind slowly melts.

Then with one last slow deliberate lick, Satoru draws back.

A daze has fallen over your foggy mind filled with smoke until you blink and notice your cut is gone.

Blood faintly lingers around his mouth, coloring the white fur of his face and it should scare you. And it does but the fear comes from how gorgeous he looks, and knowing it’s your blood…

The thin tongue immediately darts out to lick at the bloody traces.

The sight teeters into an overwhelming sensation and you forcibly break your focus to glance back at your healed hand.

“You have healing powers?” You croak out trying to process the sight.

“No.” For a creature that lives in the woods, he understands sarcasm rather well.

You glare at the creature who now tilts his face away. He avoids your eyes as he fiddles with the edge of your shirt.

“Moths can't heal.” You comment.

“I’m not like a typical moth now am I, little human?”

That damn nickname.

Annoying as Satoru is, you still can’t believe the sight of your healed fingers.

“Thank you for healing me.” You mutter still not able to process but are grateful all the same.

The moth creature hums a proud amused thing you quietly ignore.

Moths didn’t have healing properties. Hawk Moths could recreate antioxidants in their body to replenish themselves. You wonder if that’s how Satoru operates with his abilities.

Another part of you, one that sounds warmly like your grandfather’s voice, whispers that the creatures of this world simply hold mysteries we may not ever know.

You suppose the cryptid refusing to leave your side is the solidified truth of that.

Suddenly Satoru’s head softly plops against the top of yours.

With soft gentle rumbles he rubs his face into your hair.

“You know,” you begin softly as your fingers itch to run up against his fur. “You don’t have to keep sticking around here.”

“Hm?” Satoru hums out a bit dreamily.

“You can go back to where you’re from. You don’t need to keep staying with me out of obligation for freeing you or feeling like… you have a debt you want to repay.” You breathe the words out firmer.

The nuzzling against your head stops.

“Oh?” Satoru begins with a curious chirp. “That’s not why I stay.”

His confident reply stills you.

“Like I said maybe I just like bugging you.” He grins coy. “And besides, I stay because eating the fabric of your clothes is pretty nice free food and I like scaring away any humans that might come by.”

“You bring me closer to buying an electric fly swatter!” You screech and swat him away.

“Aw, don’t be like that!” He whines and flutters his wings almost taken back.

You ignore him and his annoying clicks vying for your attention while you order dinner for the night.

“I forget…Humans are so easily annoyed. You most especially.” He says bristly and it’s the last straw.

Healing your arm or not, this creature manages to wiggle under your skin in a way that no one else has. You blame the damn moth for how on edge you feel. Yet the truth lies in the strange unfathomable heat still brewing under your skin.

As you leave you get food you stare at him hard. You sling the balcony door open, a silent demand he leaves. His multiple eyes, shimmering sapphires, search your face.

“I see...” His reply is a brisk breeze.

Turning your back to him, you head to grab your keys. You don’t even see him leave and instead stomp to head out.

You even fully close your bedroom window. It’s the crack of an entrance you’ve recently been leaving open that allows him to flutter in when he’s a smaller moth.

Now as leave you’re thankful for the momentary space from the infuriating infestation.

Against the early night sky the pizzeria glows an electric beacon against the darkness. Clamoring chatter and an upbeat song greet you when you step inside. You’re not surprised it’s packed on a night like this.

Yuki yells a bright excited welcome at you from across the restaurant and it warms you.

Now leaning at the bar your attention can't help but find its way to the bulletin board by the entryway. Even with the annoyance and conflicting desire, seeing the arranged clutter about the local moth creature draws out a strange sinking feeling within you.

“You interested in the bug?”

A deep rumble of a voice drips out smooth and breaks your focus immediately.

Turning to the side, you discover you’re not alone at the bar.

The man is thick, solidly built and strikingly handsome. He seems older than you, with an aged weathered dignified presence about him. With only black hair and a scar across the corner of his lip, he sits looking bored at the counter with a toothpick in his mouth.

“It’s interesting.” You admit truthfully.

“Think the bug is real?” The man questions with the faintest hint of curiosity.

You shrug again. “Anything is possible I guess.”

“Indeed it is.” Now his voice holds an interested purr that sticks to your skin in an uncomfortable way.

Your eyes flicker back to him and you find his attention however is on the board.

“Some say it’s a demon.” He suddenly adds.

“I’ve heard.” You agree calmly.

“Whatever it is…it’s bad luck.” The mystery man says briskly.

You heard that as well.

“Some say it’s not.” For some reason, a small protective spike rises in you and you even think about Yuki calling it a hero.

“Yeah well, everyone can read an omen wrong I guess.” His words cast a dangerous thickness into the air that slithers up your skin.

“Besides, there’s an old legend I heard once.” he continues.

“It says…if a moth flies into your home it means someone is going to die.”

Dread crashes into your body and consumes you quickly. You’ve never heard that saying before and it bubbles an awful bile in your stomach making you feel sick.

“That’s awful.” You can’t help but answer back sharply it even surprises you.

You think of your grandfather, his belief moths were angels, and how that guided you to where you are now.

And you can’t help but think of the moth in question.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you.” He leans back into his seat to stare at you.

No response for him seems to come to mind. If anything, a strange chill trickles down your spine as if you’re staring down a creature surveying and waiting to strike.

Yuki calls out your name and breaks your focus.

“Wish I could stay and chat but we’re a bit busy tonight!” She winks at you and now you grin, eased at her presence.

You wish her a good night and begin gathering your order to leave.

“Be careful out there.” The stranger mutters. Your eyes flicker to him. His attention is back on the slice of pizza before him.

“Don’t know what might be out there trying to fly into your house this time of night.”

His words create a sticky cobweb of emotions in you. You simply take your food and rush out.

Driving back to the apartment you glance at your hand fully healed and still lingering with the phantom sensation of the moth’s tongue licking at your skin.

You think of how effortlessly this strange creature carved a space in your life.

Now a sense of danger prickles against your skin, like the way the air tightens electric before a storm.

When you arrive home, a silent apartment greets you. The emptiness clouds your space and the walls creep in close and cold.

A piece of you expected him to return, maybe even hoped. But trying to sort through those emotions again bubbles a strange ache in your chest.

Before you go to bed you slightly open your bedroom window and settle under the covers. Closing your eyes, you accept the silence and solitude lingering in your room and heart.

Sleep trickles in faintly. You fade in and out of being awake.

Then your bed shifts.

A heaviness immediately curls against you. The softest brush of moth wings graze your arm. Soft chirps, faint and delicate, float into the room.

Satoru’s face burrows against the top of your head, a silent apology.

This is new.

He’s never done this before. He’s never slept on your bed with you. But your heart races too fast in your chest and your mind still feels so clouded from this night that you can’t even react.

Or, you don’t want to react.

This is new, yes. But a wild desperation inside of you sinks its claws into this new proximity. You simply keep your eyes closed and shift to settle deeper into the bed, deeper into his warmth.

The smell of the brisk forest, clear and earthy, lulls you to sleep.

Waking up the next morning, you’re alone.

A part of you wonders if you dreamed his return.

Yet on your nightstand rests a sweet plucked wildflower that wasn't there before. It greets you a bright good morning.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

Your open apartment balcony door brings in a warm evening breeze. A favorite series of yours plays on the television as you grab another mouthful of popcorn.

“Can I have some?” Satoru whimpers.

“No.” You answer through the mouth of popcorn.

“So mean! Why are you so cruel to me, little human!?” He pouts and you simply ignore him.

Even with the moth creature crouching on the floor his body still looks frightfully full and large. His fur is fluffed out more and he almost looks adorable like this simply sitting beside you.

His presence should create a distorted sense of reality. Yet no sense of panic rises within you. If anything, only more curiosity has started gnawing in you.

What kind of moth species did he originate from? Where was he even originally from? Did he have a family?

“What’s your favorite human activity to do?” It seems you were not the only one curious.

Recently Satoru has begun pestering you with a plethora of questions from what foods did you like the most to these more strange human specific ones.

“Don’t know, I have a lot.” You answer truthfully.

You rationalize all the questions you have and that he even asks are mutual inquisitive curiosity about the other’s species, a chance to learn.

Except, for you, the source of your curiosity masquerades as a yearning you don’t want to hunt out yet.

“Humans are terrified of the oddest things.”

Satoru’s comment breaks your thoughts.

You turn towards the creature who stares at the television with all six eyes.

The series you had put on had been an old favorite of yours, supernatural and fantasy based. The main heroes in this episode were being terrorized by monsters that came alive from a children’s book of old fairy tales.

“Well this series is older so the effects and monster makeup isn’t all that impressive.”

“Not that.” The moth corrects you quickly. “I mean that creature isn’t even scary.”

You want to make a comment about how of course a creature that crawled from the woods and haunts a town would not find this terrifying.

“What are you afraid of?” Again the moth humanoid questions.

You shrug. “A lot of things.”

“You don’t need to be afraid of anything.” He chirps so matter of factly it surprises you. “Especially because I’m here now.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at his cocky boast. Yet your heart flips at the protective claim.

“But…I do think humans may be the scariest creatures of all.” Satoru notes with a wistful distance in his voice.

You wonder if he’s trying to tease you or even be a bit poetically pessimistic.

“I agree.” You nod reaching for popcorn. “Humans can sometimes be scary.”

In all the beauty that comes with being human, you know there is a darkness that comes with the territory. The lovely prickle of rain starting to fall soothes you as the episode jumps to the next.

It’s one of your favorites. The main character gains a secret wish stone that transforms into her love interest because she desires and wishes for him most of all.

You rise to the kitchen to grab a drink.

“What do you wish for most, little human?”

His words stop you frozen. They come out so simple, a curious purr almost.

Your mind tries to reach towards something noble and grand like to wish for world peace or wish for climate change to end. You think of wishing for a better car, better apartment, to get rid of your money problems.

Yet it all cultivates into a simple easy response.

“Love, I guess.” It’s a simplified answer.

“That?” Even Satoru sounds dubious.

“Yeah…love. If you have love, then everything else sort of just falls into place.” With love at the cornerstone, everything can build from there.

A chittering like sigh dances into the room.

“Boring. At least say something interesting like an endless supply of sugar or something like that.”

You can’t help but snort at such a silly answer.

“Is that you’d wish for then?” You now ask the creature.

“Mhm…maybe. Or maybe something extra special your little human mind couldn’t comprehend.” Such a coy response only makes you roll your eyes.

But for some reason, that answer feels heavy like it needs to be unearthed. You don’t push the answer, or him.

As you clean up around the kitchen, you glance back to the living room. There Satoru rapidly consumes all your popcorn as fast as he can.

“You freaking pest!” You screech annoyed and he simply blinks his six blue marble eyes at you as if he did nothing wrong.

“I’m not a pest.” He replies innocently and it annoys you even more.

“You’re literally a moth! What is more pest-like than that?!”

Satoru’s monstrous face flickers. It faintly crumbles until his eyes hollow out a cold downcast.

“Right there? You just sounded just like every other human.” His words, low, raw and sharp, rip through you.

He doesn’t say it but you hear the undercurrent.

I thought you were better than that.

A festering ache swells in your chest as the weight of his words drag you under.

Quietly you start making two bowls of popcorn now. You grab the chocolate syrup. Satoru had a fierce sweet tooth. It took you by surprise when your gas station candy treat went missing and his sticky fur said enough.

So you drizzle plenty of chocolate over the salty snack then you quietly speak.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

A moment of silence fills the space.

“It’s alright little human... Sometimes I forget your little human brain makes so many mistakes like that. I can’t get too mad.” He chirps so bored.

You’re tempted now to throw away the chocolate popcorn.

Thankfully the air seems to lighten as you head back to the living room two popcorn bowls in hand.

There Satoru’s multitude of eyes are entirely glued to the television now. The familiar dialogue comes and you whip your attention to the screen as well.

The big realization between the main heroine and her love interest unfolds as he realizes what her wish manifested as.

The moment is heated, drenched in undeniable chemistry. The magnetic pull even has you entrapped. Then the love interest without hesitation pulls the heroine and kisses her with a fierce released love.

Now it feels so intimate, too raw to watch. You turn away under the guise of grabbing more popcorn.

“Is that how humans show affection?” Satoru’s voice is a curious twinkle of a chirp.

“Yup,” you weakly agree while you check your phone hoping to seem disinterested.

“Seems aggressive.” For some reason his disgusted comment makes you snort.

“Uh, it depends. Kissing is…” there’s much you can say on the manner but you simply shrug.

“It’s nice.” A simple but true answer.

“What’s it feel like?” The question drips with an inquisitive click but for some reason it slithers dangerously under your skin.

“Uh…again, it depends. There’s different types of kisses for different situations and the emotions can change with them.” You explain.

“Sounds complicated.” Satoru muses and you snicker relaxed with the episode ending.

“I thought you knew all about human interactions?” You now ask, curious yourself.

“Not in that way.” That’s fair.

“Or really…I’ve just never been interested in seeing humans interacting in that way.” He adds rather low.

“Until recently.” That addition he gives cuts across you as if it’s covered with sharp glass edges.

“Guess this series does that, even to moth creatures.” You lightly try diffusing whatever shift starts to swirl in the room and drag you into its current.

Satoru stays quiet, curled into himself and his wings. Very faintly his antennas droop, enough that you notice it.

Rain now steadily prattles on peacefully mixing with the episode playing. Yet in the silence your skin crawls with something unspoken you can’t evade.

You close your eyes hoping to avoid any more questions and pretend you’ve fallen asleep. Naturally, a nap overtakes you and you jolt awake when a text message brightly wakes you up.

“So what episode are we on?” You sleepily ask, noticing the cryptid hasn’t left. Evening would be arriving soon, the time Satoru normally slipped back into the woods.

“A weird one.” He mutters and now curiosity flickers in you over which episode it is.

Your eyes widen.

Of course it would be this one.

The heroine’s best friend falls in love with a monster living in a cave. It’s another one of your favorites. Now, the obvious reality sinks its fangs into your throat.

“This is the most ridiculous one by far.” Satoru scoffs. “No human would actually love a monster like this.”

His words deflate something in you. All the nerves and prickling emotions scatter.

“I don’t know.” You offer back lightly. “Maybe there’s something extra human to love a monster.”

All six eyes rapidly blink towards you. Their glassy yet sharp attention focuses so intently and it’s unnerving.

“You don’t mean that.” He snips and it distorts his voice more than normal.

You shrug.

“What do you mean by that?” He annoyingly asks, persistent.

What you mean is sometimes humanity can see through what society deems as monstrous and instead love the core of what a being is.

“I mean, it’s like what the episode says,” you nudge towards the television.

“If love is fanged even between humans, why can’t a monster find that same love?” You quote it vaguely but enough to capture the core.

The same goes for humans you explain.

“Cause like what we said earlier, humans are a bit scary from time to time right? A little bit monstrous ourselves?”

So why not settle with a love fanged and coated in the shadows.

The episode takes a shift when the heroine’s best friend greedily kisses the bat-like creature. An electric desire jolts across your spine as it dries your throat.

“I never knew humans could…desire something like this.” Satoru’s eyes now unabashedly stare at the television with a religious focus almost afraid to look away.

“Some do.” You try sounding casual, but your voice croaks.

A heavy fog clouds your mind. Before he can ask or comment anything else you brightly announce you’re going to take a shower. You scurry to the bathroom without even once glancing at the moth monster.

It’s a pathetic excuse but it’s early evening now. This decision isn’t entirely out of the blue. You just need to cool down and take yourself away from the moment.

However, under the weight of the water, under the heat of the steam, you try washing away the festering arousal seeping into your veins.

The episode flashes in your mind. Except this time you picture yourself in the arms of the towering moth creature.

This danger has been brewing well beneath the surface and now slips past its shackles.

It rips you open raw and wild, unrelenting in a way that a slick heat already pools between your legs. You should not, by all rational means, be attracted much less so attached to this monster. Yet, you are.

You remember how easily he swept you into his arms, how solid and built his frame is. He is stunning. You can’t even deny that.

You even think about how comforting a presence he was in your bed. Those thoughts melt and mutate dangerously.

Now, you imagine how warm and solid he would feel against you, between your legs. What he looks like drunk on pleasure-

Exhaling shakily, you turn the shower as cold as you can.

When you return to the living room after the shower, the sliding door is still wide open. Rain continues to twinkle its beautiful song into the living room, a living room now very vacant.

No moth creature is in sight and the bowl of chocolate drizzled popcorn remains untouched.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

In the research lab you grade quizzes from the class you work assisting with. This time during the week the lab is thankfully empty and it gives you time

to catch up on your articles and work.

A surprise knock however disrupts that peace.

Your advisor walks in with a warm grin. Besides her is the man from the bar.

A confused anxiousness seizes your heart and you try keeping your face composed.

You politely smile as your advisor calls your name.

“This is Toji Fushiguro. He’s an agent from the local conservation group trying to investigate where our dear little moth friend went.” Your advisor explains polite and casual.

Your heart sinks rapidly.

The unknown moth had been in a large observation box the first time you saw it.

It had been a new and recent find. Being a first year in the program, you simply were allowed to watch and observe the new species.

Bigger than a typical silk moth, the unidentified moth had beautiful intricate designs on its wings you’d never seen. The little creature was also incredibly feisty. On multiple occasions it flew into the side of the box as if trying to push its way out.

Now that glass enclosure sits empty.

“Do you think it would be alright if he asks you a few questions?”

You happily agree hoping that cooperating will divert any attention from yourself.

With a grin your advisor leaves the room to give you and Fushiguro space. Now alone with the man from the bar, he sleepy grins a coy amused thing.

“So, we meet again.” That deep voice sulks out with a lure that feels poisonous and sticky.

“We do.” You nod politely.

“Shouldn’t be surprised you’re a bug fan.” He scratches at his jaw and for some reason his casual attitude towards you twists your stomach.

You want to make a witty comeback but nothing comes to mind. Instead you stare down this mysterious man.

“What makes a cutie like you get into bugs huh?” He asks casually.

“My grandfather.” You answer truthful and curt.

“Hm, that’s nice.” Fushiguro nods understandingly.

His eyes begin scanning the lab with that same boredom he wore at the restaurant bar.

“So when did ya let the moth escape?” His relaxed question makes you choke.

“Excuse me?!” You snap. “I didn’t let the moth out.”

Except you had.

The first night you stayed late at the lab you accidentally forgot to close the windows.

In that mishap, the moth escaped. You were thankful another class used the lab after you and disrupted the possibility of anything being pinned to you.

The department of course was a bit disheartened. However, everyone warmly joked about half of the job of being an entomologist is chasing after things way too fast to catch.

That happened months ago.

“I’m going to be honest with you.” Toji Fushiguro leans against the table with a brazen ease. “I’m here looking for that thing cause it’s dangerous.”

For some reason, you don’t fully believe him.

“Remember what I told you about moths? They’re bad luck.” His stare is unwavering and cold.

“That’s arguable.” You surprisingly fire back.

Toji Fushiguro shrugs. He slides his hands into his jogger pant’s pockets.

“If that’s all you wanted to discuss, then I need to ask you to please leave. I have work to do.” You answer sharp and composed.

He simply shrugs again and pushes himself off the table he leans against.

Without another word Toji Fushiguro simply heads to the door. Before he leaves the man stops.

“That bad luck I told you about? S’gonna catch up to you soon, pretty. Just want to give you a warning.”

It sounds like a threat instead of a warning.

At his words a venomous bile pools in your mouth and you almost want to snarl at this man. He leaves with just a casual wave of his hand and not another word.

The rest of the time in the lab you can’t focus on anything. You simply float in this strange inertia.

When you leave, no moth flutters outside to greet you.

A new wave of terror wiggles through your stomach.

Your apartment is also deadly silent. Worry prickles all over your body as you slide open the balcony door. You even peer out into the woods hoping to find six gleaming eyes staring out.

Yet only the darkness, eternal and empty, stares back an ancient unforgiving warning.

So try pushing aside this rattling worried energy. You try to make dinner, even put on a favorite movie for background noise.

Your mind however can’t leave the thought of Toji Fushiguro. Mainly, you worry about the absence of your moth. Fear eats away at you as if an actual creature has crawled inside.

And maybe he has.

You miss him. You miss Satoru. You’re worried about him.

He’s become a staple in your life, a strange fixture pestering you. You can’t imagine a day without his presence now.

Then a realization trickles in a slow and sticky truth.

He is a creature of the woods, a myth of the darkness. Maybe he never meant to be yours.

Now here you are. A selfish human simply trying to keep him all to yourself.

A sudden clash of something solid rams into the balcony rail. You can’t help but shriek.

Thee moth creature rapidly shoves his way into your living room. He crawls inside feral like something out of a horror movie.

“Satoru!” You cry out his name and rush towards him.

Satoru’s piercing sky eyes, all six of them, are wide and frantic. His gaze darts around the room. Then he begins sniffing around the space.

“Someone’s been in here.” Satoru’s voice drops, a waterlogged frantic gurgle.

“Wait what?” You ask terrified. “How do you know?

You start glancing around the room now and follow Satoru as he continues rapidly smelling the space. There are no signs of someone breaking in and entering. Nothing even seems out of place or stolen.

“I smell something new. It’s not either one of our scents.” Satoru’s voice drips with a sharp dread and it chokes you.

“What does that mean?” You croak trying not to get caught up in the terror and panic, but their current is so strong.

Suddenly Satoru whips around.

There in the hallway of your apartment he completely consumes the entire space with his imposing frame. The darkness of the hallway and dim lighting casts a grim shadow over him. His wide frantic eyes are animalistic, more than you’ve ever seen.

His shoulders heave with rapid breaths. In a blink Satoru suddenly crams his body against yours.

This giant of a monster curls down to crouch into you. His face begins rubbing against yours. Soft growl like purring rumbles into the air.

You can’t help but whimper his name as fear has you in its maw.

What’s going to happen? What could you do?

You try to voice these questions, these worries, but the words get tangled in your throat.

“Nothing will harm you.” Satoru snaps deadly as the edge of his tone wavers into a frayed growl.

Those strange humming clips and chirps he makes float into the air while he continues comforting you.

Clawed hands curl into your back with a noticeable pressure. There’s a hint of danger in his tight grasp. But then you realize you’re also clutching onto him with an iron hold.

Frustratedly you try blinking away tears managing to stubbornly spill down your cheeks.

Satoru, who still rubs his monstrous face against yours, immediately notices your tears.

A distressing chattering noise comes and you’re readying to reassure him you’re fine.

His tongue instead moves to lick at your tears.

The action stills you immediately. The slick appendage rapidly slithers across your face trying to quickly wipe away your tears.

You think about when he healed your hand, when his tongue wiggled across your skin to lap at your blood. Now here he is again, consuming you, trying to heal and comfort you.

His tongue however slides down across your cheeks tasting the salt of your skin. It immediately sparks to life an intoxicating heat that drowns out the panic.

A part of you wonders about the danger swirling around him and how there might be a possibility that doom is seeping into you.

This might be your doom, to adore a creature composed of myth and nightmare.

You blink and a few lingering tears rapidly run down your cheek straight to the corner of your lip.

Satoru, fast as ever, moves to lick them up. In the process his tongue slithers close to your lips, running across the edge of them.

You inhale sharply and your eyes can’t help but snap open wide. You’re breathing heavily. The way Satoru’s large shoulders begin heaving, so is he.

Suddenly he breathes out your name and it gets tangled in your heart.

“Mine.” Then his voice, animalistic and monstrous, cracks the air with a low possessive growl.

His tongue begins running across your lips without hesitation. The wet wiggling intense sensation has your eyes closing in absolute bliss. You sigh and want to open your mouth to let his tongue slip inside.

“You’re mine.” He snarls out feral and wild. Those strange clicks of his come faster and soon enough his claws draw you closer.

Suddenly Satoru inhales deeply against your skin.

Then he groans a terrible wonderful noise that makes your knees buckle.

“Oh you smell so good.” He slurs. He continues to smell every inch of your skin, trying to map and memorize your scent.

A whimper escapes you and Satoru rumbles out a comforting click.

He begins dragging his down your body with a focused intent.

“Stronger, it’s getting stronger.” He mutters against your clothes.

“Satoru-” you say his name a bit worried.

The moth creature shoves his face unabashedly against your clothed sex. He groans loud, almost debauched and all thoughts float out of you. His antennas rapidly twitch.

“Oh it’s here.” Satoru mumbles in awe, possessed, as if he’s found a deity. “You smell so good here.”

He growls frustrated as he tries burrowing his face closer and closer to your dripping arousal.

You croak out his name waterlogged.

Satoru snaps to look up at you from his knees. All six eyes are glossy and frantic.

“Please? Please, my little human, can I have more?” He begs.

That’s when you notice his mouth is wet drenched with saliva. He’s drooling at just the thought of you, drunk on your smell.

All you can do is nod, caught in the same intoxication desire.

Effortlessly he claws apart your pants at the seam and dives in. You can’t even chide him for that.

Your mind goes blank, consumed by pleasure and lost in its woods. As you cry out while his thin tongue runs up and down every inch of you, you realize Satoru is right.

You are his. And maybe he is yours.

Satoru arrived in your life and never left. He instead stayed in the safety of your light with you under the cover of his wings.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

“Don’t go to class today.” The moth mumbles.

Satoru has been glued to your side since the discovery of your intruder last week. He barely leaves the apartment and when he does it’s only because you need to leave. Currently he sits on the bedroom floor with wide sleep deprived eyes.

The antennas on top of his head flicker quickly. He’s tried been pushing himself to stand guard even during the day.

“I’ll be fine, it’s just a lecture.” You reassure him.

“Besides, you should take this time to sleep. You need to rest.”

“I’ll be fine.” He mirrors your words back to you.

Your monster’s six eyes hold a daze focused like he’s trying to be aware of everything all at once. Slowly and delicately you let your hand run against his soft face.

The delicate fur, now a tangible dream under your fingertips, is so sulky. The touch jolts the creature into awareness.

Satoru’s eyes all flutter you and instantly his face melts against your hand.

“Don’t go.” He whispers a static like mumble.

“I’ll be okay.” You even lean down to kiss the side of his face.

“Fine, then I’m going.” He snaps a firm unwavering decision and you can’t argue with him.

As you walk to the lecture hall building he flutters so swiftly and dizzying in his normal moth form. He even flies all around your face, another angry urging for you to not go.

You gently hold out your hand. Slowly the moth flutters to land on top of your hand.

He is gorgeous in every form including this one. Shimmering wide eyes, large intricate wings, all composed in this sweet creature furiously crawling over your hand.

“I know you’re still upset, but I’ll be fine.” You softly reassure him for the hundreth time.

He stops and stares at you. Gently you run a finger across his fuzzy little head careful to not touch his antennas.

He flies from your hand and lands immediately on the corner of your lips.

A goodbye kiss.

Your lips twitch amused and deeply fond.

“I’ll see you when class is over.” With that you head to class.

Walking into the classroom, one of your peers excitedly speaks to everyone present in the room.

“Did you guys hear?! Someone just saw the mothman thing on campus a few minutes ago?!”

Terror unfolds in you and your heart collapses among its cage. He must have transformed in the woods, or in flight.

“Really? Are you sure?” A skeptic quickly emerges and you cling to their words.

“No I swear! Everyone’s been talking about it online! So many people saw it fly into the trees by the woods!”

You haven’t been this terrified since the contained moth was missing or since you first saw six reflective eyes staring at you from the dark.

Chatter breaks out immediately with so many discussions. Some of your classmates show their disbelief while others eagerly ask for more information.

You try to keep your composure as you slide into your seat.

“Hey,” someone says your name. Your friend that sits next to you stares at you with a scrunched up face of concern.

“You okay? You look kinda sick.” She frowns.

You wearily smile and use the excuse that you have been under the weather. A cold chill even runs up your spine.

“Then head back home,” she comforts you with understanding eyes. “I’ll send you the notes from today and let you know if you miss anything.”

Grateful you wearily thank her and she nods warm, reassuring, wishing you rest. As you turn to head out you catch the last bit of conversation bubbling along with your classmates.

“Well…if someone saw the moth thing, doesn’t that mean something bad is gonna happen soon?”

“Yeah that’s what the legend says.” Someone grimly agrees.

Scrambling, you shove yourself out of the classroom before you hear anything else.

Now out of the room you shakily exhale trying to calm yourself down.

At this time in the evening the hallways are deathly silent, harrowingly so. Unlike the lab building, so open and light with its many windows and expanded hallways, the lecture hall building’s tight corridors create a haunting clustered stillness.

That stillness seems to be creeping in more and more.

As you walk towards the elevator, sudden footsteps begin stomping behind you.

They are solid and firm, staying a decent pace away from you. The anxiousness from these past few days create an unbearable itch that crawls over your skin.

So you turn around.

And the hallway is dead empty.

No one walks behind you.

Fear tastes icy and rotten as it infects your body. Instantly you whip around to rush to the elevator.

You clash straight into someone.

The collision knocks you out of your thoughts and you quickly blink into focus.

A rush of apologizes stammer out of you.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The man you ran into warmly reassures you.

You finally get a good look at him. He’s handsome with a strong jaw and a faint mustache. He looks official in his suit. The smell of cigarettes surround you.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could help point me in the direction of the main office.” The man smiles warmly.

This had to be the source of the footsteps you heard. The dread you have slowly simmers at the sight of him.

“Oh course.” You grin weakly at the man, thankful your fear is calming down. “You have to go down to the other end of this hallway-”

A sudden hand comes up from behind you.

It slaps over your mouth with a painful grip. Then something sharp pierces your neck.

The scream from your throat fades along with your focus.

The last thought flashing through your mind before you fade into darkness is that Satoru was right.

You shouldn’t have gone to class.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

The jostling of your body wakes you up.

Groggily you blink into focus. You first notice it’s late at night. Next, you’re laid across the back seat of a car and your hands are tied.

In the front seats sit the man you ran into at the school and Toji Fushiguro. You go to scream but a tightly wrapped cloth blocks your mouth.

“You’re awake.” Toji drawls out slowly and surprised.

You screech at him through the material.

“Yeah, I knew you were with the moth this entire time.” He grins at you through the rear window.

You continue to scream as best as you can, sounding feral and panicked as tears fill your eyes.

“Guess living with a monster makes you sound this wild.” Toji Fushiguro’s accomplice mutters without even glancing once at you.

He begins typing away on his phone.

“We got more buyers willing to pay if we bring the moth in alive.” The man comments.

Everything clicks.

They were after Satoru. And you’re the bait.

Maybe Fushiguro’s accomplice is right. Maybe living with a monster has leaked into you because the noise you make doesn’t sound human.

Your scream, still stifled, carries so many emotions. Your pain, terror, anger and frustration, all of it courses through your veins and rips out in waves.

“Hey.” Toji Fushiguro glances back at you from the rear mirror. “Keep it down. I don’t wanna get too aggressive, but I will.”

He casually pulls out a gun and waves it around.

The horrifying casual threat causes your eyes to go wide and now all the fight you had trickles out.

“Watch it!” Suddenly the man in the driver's seat screams out.

Your eyes flicker forward.

Against the darkness, illuminated by the car’s headlights, a looking figure stands in the middle of the road.

Six eyes stare out from the darkness a brilliant terrifying electric blue. Delicate wide moth wings flare out and break against the night.

Through the fabric you scream out his name, except it gets drowned out by the revving of the engine.

Toji speeds up with full intent to hit the creature.

“What are you doing?!” The other man cries out.

You even scream in panic. Your moth however flies up, missing the impact.

He’s gone from sight.

A solid clang lands on the roof.

A sharp stab pierces the top of the car with a snap. The screeching of metal being ripped away follows fast. The eyes of the monster stare into the car with a disastrous terror.

Satoru smiles wild and gleeful at the men, a predator that's captured its prey.

Then…Everything happens in a blink.

The car swerves. The speed makes you feel as if you are flying. The colliding noise of scraping metal and then a solid impact. Everything becomes distorted as if you are in a snow globe spinning and trying to focus on a dizzying fuzzy world.

An unholy monstrous scream rips into the air. It’s all you hear as you fade in and out of consciousness.

You blink and suddenly twigs from the forest floor press against your body. A sharp object pierces your side. Every inch of you screams in pain while also a numbing sensation starts creeping in.

An inhuman roar screeches out and your eyes snap open.

Off to the side along the trees you see the faint edge of Satoru within the darkness. Faintly you hear a wet ripping sound. It’s visceral, like a vulture digging into a macabre carnage.

You watch his clawed hands viscously dig into whatever he stands over. You try gathering your voice trying to say something, anything.

Then six electric eyes snap up to you from the dark forest. He is the terror of the woods, a feral monster interrupted from its hunt.

Your vision however goes blurry and it gets harder staying awake.

A wreck howl of your name breaks into the air.

Tender clawed hands scoop up from the ground. You’re cradled against him gently and tight. The fabric in your mouth gets ripped away and now the metallic taste of blood fills your mouth fast.

You wheeze out Satoru’s name. There’s so much you want to say. But you’re getting so tired.

“Stay awake!” He snarls desperately sensing your exhaustion.

Nothing feels real. Even staring up at your creature, his six eyes seem to become twelve, like clusters of galaxies carved out in the night sky.

But you’re fading. You know and he knows it.

Breathing hurts and now a cool chill runs across your body from the inside.

Your grandfather's words about moths being angels float into your mind.

You recall how terrifying angels are sometimes described. Some of them are composed of wheels of fire, with many wings.

Yours has many eyes.

You’re grateful Satoru is here with you at the end. You’re grateful this angel found you.

Water droplets plop onto your face and you wonder if it’s raining.

Satoru screams your name with absolute anguish. A darkness crawls over your eyes. Soft and peacefully, you fall into its waiting arms.

-.⊹˚₊⋆˙↟☾↟˙⋆₊˚⊹.-

A soft steady beeping pulls you out from the darkness.

Wearily you open your eyes. But the bright light of wherever you are immediately has you shutting your eyes tight.

A cold hand touches your arm.

The touch jolts you awake. In a panic your eyes immediately snap open and your body shoots up only to find yourself tangled.

Tubes run from out of your arms. One tube even rests under your nose. The beeping noise you faintly recognize is a heart monitor and realization hits that you’re in a hospital.

Then when you turn to the side, a man you don’t know sits beside you.

You have never seen a man as gorgeous as him. Striking cloud white hair, a chiseled jawline, broad shoulders and then…

The brightest blue eyes, clear as a summer sky, stare at you so frantic and hesitant.

The man says your name, his tone faintly pleading.

For some reason his voice sounds vaguely familiar. But that thought is put on hold when the door to your room opens and a nurse walks in.

“Oh thank goodness you’re awake!” She sighs genuinely warm to see you and even seems a bit surprised.

What happened? You were dying. You were sure of it.

“Do you remember anything that happened?” The nurse asks gently as she checks your vitals.

“I…” your voice wavers as the memory clips at you, terrifying and heartbreaking.

“It’s okay if you don’t.” The nurse says comfortingly. “It’s common for accident victims to have a foggy memory. Plus after the one you were in it’s understandable.”

Weakly you question about what happened, how you got here.

With soft eyes the nurse explains it all.

You were the only survivor of the car crash. A part of you vividly remembers Toji Fushiguro and the man with him. A part of you dark and hollow gleams grateful they are no longer here.

You however didn’t walk away unscathed. You have a few broken ribs, a very bad concussion and light internal bleeding being monitored.

“We even found damage near your heart that could’ve been deadly-”

Yet, you were alive.

“And….” The nurse’s eyes twinkle warm and adoring as they flicker to the man behind you.

“This man found you and brought you in. Came into the hospital with you in his arms like some kind of bloody guardian angel.”

You whip your attention back to him as well. The man’s blue eyes stay so intently focused on you.

They remind you so much of the pairs of six eyes that watched you with the same unwavering gaze.

Then the nurse’s words click.

An angel.

No. This couldn’t be…

The idea so wild and unbelievable barrels into you fast. It knocks you breathless that you can’t help but cough out.

Everyone instantly scrambles to grab you something to drink. It’s your mystery man who hands you a cold water first and you guzzle it down with a frantic speed.

“I’ll let you get some rest. Please hit the call button if you need anything.” The nurse squeezes your shoulder and you thank her with a weak cough.

Now in the quiet safety of the hospital room, your attention snaps to the man still intently staring at you with glossy blue lake eyes.

You take the jump. It might be the most far stretched idea and you can blame the concussion but -

You whisper out Satoru’s name.

The white haired man nods fast and a sob escapes you.

It’s him.

Through tear soaked questions you ask him how.

“Remember that legend I once told you? About us being able to bring someone back from the dead?”

His voice is now clear, so distinctly him even in this form you can’t miss it now.

His words are a chilling breeze.

“I died.” You whisper the cold realization.

And he brought you back.

“But you…what happened?” Your eyes so clouded with tears scan his very beautiful and human face.

The Satoru before you is so familiar yet so different. The deep inhale he gives moves his shoulders. You’ve seen it before when his wings moved with the same exhausted exhale. Instead now a weary weight, a very human one, colors his stunning features.

But a sudden eased smile tugs at his lips and the sight is stunning.

“We’re allowed to bring someone back…it’s just at a little cost.” His voice flutters out light and his words get trapped in your throat.

You can’t fight the tears. They come in waves and your shoulders shake as you cry.

“Wait,” Satoru rapidly panics as he slides closer to you. “What’s wrong?!”

He gave up everything. His form, his livelihood, his essence as a creature of the myth, he gave it all for you.

That solid truth rips so much sadness and guilt through you all you can do is angrily cry, frustrated.

“Why are you crying?” He asks concerned and a bit confused.

“Because,” you hiccup. “Because I did this to you.”

You would carry this guilt for the rest of your life.

“What? Don’t like the way I look? I thought I was pretty handsome in this form, yeah?” He lightly teases to perk you up.

You give him a look of disbelief wondering if you should call the nurse to escort this headache away from you.

“Okay okay,” he says, thankfully understanding your heartache.

Gently Satoru’s hand moves to rest against you on top of the itchy hospital blanket. Fondly he runs his hand over your leg. You watch as his eyes follow the path of his hand like he’s trying to solidify your presence beside him. A sadness shimmers within his blue pools.

“If anyone’s to blame…it’s me. I did this to you.”

Quickly, through a teary blubbering mess you reassure Satoru he did nothing wrong. His hand softly squeezes your knee.

“Do you remember when we were watching that weird show and you asked me what I’d wish for? What I wanted more than anything?”

Suddenly Satoru speaks firmer, eyes still not facing you.

“I wished I could be with you. I wanted to live a full life by your side.” His answer is low, but so beautifully clear it’s like dawn breaking over the forest.

Those endless blue eyes turn to you.

Gingerly Satoru raises his hand. He runs his fingers against your face with a tender touch, a delicate brush like that of a moth’s wing.

“Never feel guilty about what happened. I would make this decision over and over again. I don’t regret it and never will.” He says firm, absolute and devoted.

Tears return again but this time for another reason, one so beautifully overwhelming it consumes you.

Satoru gently draws you into his arms to hold you steady against his sturdy chest.

“Can't get rid of me now, little human.” He teases but the faintest edge of emotion cracks his voice.

A laugh escapes you among the tears.

“You’re a little human now too, bug boy.” You joke as the new nickname comes so easily to you.

“There’s nothing little about me, especially in this form.” He deeply purrs.

You’re about to snap at him for being crude until he shrieks.

“And bug boy?! You never even called me that before! If anyone is the bug freak it’s you!”

You laugh, truly laugh, and a warm buoyancy floats within your entire body. He joins in alongside you. His laugh is such a wild and free noise you want to keep it forever.

“This being a human thing,” he suddenly mutters against the top of your head. “Might take me a little while to get used to it.”

“It’s okay,” you whisper back, fully resting against him. “We’re all still trying to figure it out too.”

Satoru’s hand begins rubbing against your back effortlessly, so human and natural.

“You already seem to be doing a good job.” You mumble feeling sleepy again.

He hums amused. “I know. I’m just that good.”

You want to make a snide remark but then Satoru kisses the top of your head. Your heart jumps at feeling his lips.

“I get to do this all the time now.” He whispers slightly in awe, like he spoke a hidden thought out loud.

You can’t help but grin giddy.

Before, you had begun experimenting very enthusiastically about getting to learn how to kiss him in his old form. But you understand.

This felt right. It always did, even when you never wanted to admit it before.

“No more mothman.” Satoru mutters a quiet realization and you clutch his shirt.

“You’ll always be my pest.” You reassure him.

“Hey.” You can hear the mock frown in his voice and you snicker.

You think about Satoru as your cryptid emerging straight from legends.

If he was seen as a harbinger and warning of danger, it strangely has you thinking about love.

For what is love if not a warning? A ���be careful, don’t run too fast, please be safe, please let me protect you’ warning morphed into a wish and want to keep someone safe. Horror and love sometimes walk hand in hand together after all.

In the arms of your harbinger, you wearily start falling asleep. Satoru senses it too and places another kiss on your head.

When he gently moves to rest you back on the bed your eyes glance to the window. The dark evening night stretches out deep and wide

Against the glass, you notice a fluttering movement.

Soft green delicate long wings catch the light from the hospital room.

Actias luna.

More tears brim in your eyes.

The beautiful lunar moth dances against the window, against the darkness, as if to greet you a warm hello and wish you well.

[pharawee]

Hello :) are there any bls or shows that you’re excited about watching this year?

I recently watched the pilot teaser for spare me your mercy (with Tor and JJ) and I’m super excited for that. I love shows with mystery and this seems to have that.

I saw some comments on YouTube saying this looks like a bromance rather than a bl. I think it’s still a bl but the main focus will be on the mystery element. Also since this is just the pilot teaser, probably they’re not revealing the romance part yet. I’m hoping this show releases this year though haha. Can’t wait!

Hi, anon 💜

and sorry for the belated reply. I had to at least pretend to catch up with my shows (I didn't) and get over the Playboyy finale (I also didn't).

I'm really excited for Spare Me Your Mercy too. It's my favourite Sammon novel, actually. And yeah, it's surprised me too that people think it won't be BL. When did (recent) Thai drama ever shy away from queer content? There's simply no need for it. I know there's people who don't consider genre shows like crime drama BL because it doesn't primarily revolve around romance, but I don't make that distinction myself. I actually prefer stories that are horror/mystery/fantasy/crime first and BL romance second.

There's also this weird notion that critically acclaimed actors like Jaylerr and Tor won't do (or return to) BL because it's somehow viewed as "lesser" than straight mainstream tv - which honestly says more about the people putting this thought out there than Thai entertainment as a whole. We seriously need to stop othering (Thai) BL or viewing it as less professional. It's silly. BL isn't a stepping stone, it's a genre as any other.

Uh, sorry for going a bit off-topic. It's just something that's been on my mind recently. 🙏

As for other shows I'm really looking forward to this year:

Every You Every Me - because Mick Monthon is one of the most strikingly beautiful people I've ever seen, and I love him and Top together.

Love Puzzle - which has been in limbo for a year already but Noh Phouluang deserves another show and I love the Chains of Heart universe (idk what else to call it and CoH came first).

Wandee Goodday - because I've been ghostshipping Great and Inn forever and I'm ready to give gmmtv another chance.

Zomvivor - because Mii2 and zombies. Will there be BL elements? I don't even know. I'm mostly here for Jimmy. 🤣

Red Peafowl - because I love messy genre BL with a huge cast.

Knock Knock Boys - because look at Best Vittawin and Seng Wichai. Look at them! 🥰

And Monster Next Door - because finally FINALLY I get to see Big Thanakorn in the main role he deserves.🙏

But really, at this point I'm kind of looking forward to every Thai BL that's been announced because after three years I'm still not over the honeymoon phase of having discovered BL in the first place.

I'm also really looking forward to Deep Night starting next week to fill that Playboyy-shaped hole (oh no 🤡) in my life.

[luaspersona]

fic teaser | kim taehyung

pairing ↠ himbo!taehyung x reader (f. reader) genre ↠ college!au; holiday!au; smut; one-shot; humor summary ↠ after making some terrible memories together, Taehyung wants nothing more than to never see you again; and he was pretty much succeeding until — after a minor accident — he finds himself having to spend Christmas alone with you in the middle of nowhere. rating ↠ +18 teaser warnings ↠ nothing explicit; profanity; nudity; mentions of sex; mentions of bondage; mentions of puking.

complete work warnings (full warnings on the post) ⇝ alcohol consumption; sexual tension; religious jokes; minor accident; very minor parent issues; second hand embarrassment; pov switch; explicit smut: masturbation, orgasm denial and control, edging, dirty talk, pet names, soft dom!taehyung, switch!reader, fingering, oral (f. and m. receiving), unprotected sex, praise kink, light spanking, a splash of degradation, begging; overstimulation, multiple orgasms, squirting, creampie, rough sex, aftercare.

release date ↠ released. teaser word count ↠ 0.8k estimated reading time ↠ 2 minutes

note ↠ so i had the idea to write a holiday!au for tae’s birthday around three weeks ago and just now finished the outline lol 🤡 i’m still working on it, but i decided to drop a little something so you can have a taste! the teaser happens a couple months before the actual fanfic, so it’s not christmas here yet lol sorry, i promise i’ll plan better the next time (i probably won’t tho). note² ↠ wanna thank @imakeamess for the BEAUTIFUL BANNER, i know i was all over the place but you were able to create the most amazing art for me, so thank you once again🥺 note³ ↠ special thanks to @uarmymoonlight for helping me come up with the story and patiently listening to me rambling about this fic nonstop, i love you! and @vsualitae for helping me find inspiration and letting me spam his dms with this lol note⁴ ↠ also, merry christmas for those who celebrate and happy holidays! hope you all have an amazing year ending and an even better new year🎄

if you wanna be added to the taglist just leave a comment 🥰

When Taehyung was eighteen years old, he told a slightly less experienced Jungkook that girls have a secret sweet spot on the back of their knees.

Yeah, pretty shitty, he knows, he knows— but!, in Taehyung's defense, Jungkook was too damn innocent for his own good and he obviously didn't expect that Jungkook would take a whole ass year to google it. How hard is it to differentiate a freaked out face from a fucked out face, really? It was only like, 30% his responsibility. 

Clearly, though, the universe wasn't as understanding, because now Taehyung is pretty sure that he’s cursed.

Whenever he’s feeling like he’s hot shit, life finds ridiculous and absurd ways to humble him — being extra careful to guarantee Jungkook front row seats.

Fair enough. Taehyung has no problem owning his stuff, and he didn’t really believe all this karma shit anyway.

Except when it came to you.

“Shit.” Soojin curses, hands stopping in their search for her keys.

“What's wrong, babe?” Jungkook frowns.

“Can we maybe go to your place? My roommate had some work stuff to prepare and asked me to give her some space this afternoon.”

Taehyung groans “Soojin, we live on the other side of campus and I'm starving.” He punctuates this by lifting the food bags in his hands.

“But she's been super stressed lately, I don't wanna add to that.”

“We won't! We can be quiet, baby.” Jungkook reassures. 

Soojin chews her bottom lip. “You sure?”

“Promise.”

Taehyung nods. “She won't even notice us.”

Soojin sighs. “Fine.”

“Also, it can be a great opportunity for Tae to finally meet her.” Jungkook turns to Taehyung. “She's painfully your type, man.”

“Don’t even think about it! My roomie is not interested in Taehyung’s fuckboy ways, Kookie, she’s a pure soul.” Soojin protests.

“Baby, that’s slutshaming. Not cool.”

“What? I'm not a fuckboy. I'm just a very good boy who likes to give people what they want, nothing wrong with that.”

Soojin rolls her eyes, then finally opens the door.

Barely they step into the apartment, though, the three of them freeze — somewhat distracted by the sight of a blond man standing in the middle of the living room, covered only by a blue underwear and a trail of purple marks on his neck and collarbone.

And damn, what a fine man that is. Taehyung had never seen such pretty pouty lips before and he can't help the sudden wish to add a couple of purples to that soft skin himself. 

“What the hell?” Soojin's question prompts the man to cover his crotch with his hands. Pitty. “Who the fuck are you?”

“So, I found these old ropes in the back of my drawer, but I think they can hold—” you stop talking once you enter the living room, seeing a hell of a lot more people than when you left.

Jungkook snickers, glancing down at the rope still in your hands. “Pure soul my ass.”

When your name drops from Soojin’s mouth, something snaps in Taehyung’s mind. You see, he isn’t dumb by any means, but Taehyung sure sometimes is slow.

To be fair, he’d spent so much time trying to forget everything about you and the day you met that it’s only natural that he would take some time to recognize your face from his days I wish I hadn’t woken up archive.

But the way your fingers tighten around the knots before you hide them behind your back? Shit, how can he forget the way those fingers felt entangled in his hair that night? The way you made him groan against your neck whenever you pulled a bit too strong?

And your thighs? Fuck, they are so much prettier than he fantasized they’d be, barely covered by the oversized shirt you’re wearing. Taehyung almost has to stifle a groan because holy fuck how he wishes he could’ve seem them — felt them under his palms that night.

“Is he your work thing?” Soojin sarcastically points to the man’s general direction.

“Yeah, sorry about that, Soo, I just wanted to— Taehyung?!”

He grimaces, eyes immediately darting away from your form as he clears his throat, letting out a silent “hey.”

“You know each other?” Soojin frowns.

“We uhm… we met at—” you stutter “we met once. At a party.”

Soojin is silent for a moment, before her jaw drops “Wait— is Taehyung the puke guy?!”

The blue underwear man looks at you immediately. “Did you puke on him?”

“No! No, of course not, Jimin, it was him who— I mean, uh” so this is what humiliation tastes like? “Nevermind.”

The sudden sound of Jungkook’s laugh erupts beside Taehyung, and the boy takes his hand to his stomach as he leans forward. Taehyung is sure he’s never seen Jungkook so happy.

It takes around a minute for Jungkook’s laugh to turn into light giggling as he tries to catch his breath.

“She’s the girl you puked on? No fucking way, man.”

Well. Yeah. Karma and shit.

READ THE COMPLETE WORK HERE

note ↠ lemme know what you think 🥺 links ↠ navigation | masterlist | join my permanent taglist

[psychewritesbs]

What are your thoughts on Gojo's dynamic with Nanami and Utahime?

It seems that Gege listed some hints that Gojo may like them romantically but alas this was according to shippers themselves and it's unclear whether the official material was meant to interpreted that way or if it was just a funny thing thrown around. Regardless i just wanna add my cents here, the show really keeps denying that Gojo will ever be romantically interested in any of these characters asides from possibly Geto but at the same time it acknowledges that fans like various relationships so it feeds them these irrelevant crumbs. That's why i ask for your opinion on their dynamic, if you're comfortable answering this ofc!

HOLA ANON!

Listen... not only is my blog psychology-focused, there's a reason I have not really made any shippy posts about jjk. I've gone to town gushing about seisub, soma, kurofai and asucaga before. But those ships exist in old fandoms where there is a prevalent agreement and support about and for the ship.

jjk tho... the topic of shipping in jjk is a dangerous landmine regardless of who you ship for many different reasons.

That said, apologies if this wasn't your intention, but the way you worded your ask made it smell like bait from about three miles away, and I have been debating about what I want to say to you ever since I received it. Moots told me to just drop it but I found that I didn't want to drop it precisely because it feels like bait.

So basically, because 3 our of 4 moots I have shown your ask to agree that this is bait, I am going to respond in kind and will give you the least satisfying answer ever under the cut.

You have been warned...

jk anon, sorry for the click bait...

It's not that I'm going to give you a dissatisfying answer, it's that I don't want to participate in shipping wars 🤷‍♀️ and I feel like I am being dragged into one with this ask.

The truth is, I'm too old for shipping wars and avoid them like the plague to the best of my ability and for my own mental sanity... And one of the things that really gets under my skin is gatekeeping in shipping, which admittedly means I am probably being a hypocrite about it. Gotta work on that.

At this stage in my life tho, I am more interested in being able to both celebrate what I love instead of focusing on what I don't like, or on holding two contradictory truths at once rather than to take sides and claim one side is right and the other side is wrong.

To that point, lately I've heard a lot of people say it's not ok to be neutral. To that I say that polarized thinking is a sign of lack of experience and an unwillingness to be open to another point of view. I say this from experience, not because I'm judging anyone.

Been there, done that.

Like I was an idiot back in the day for thinking I couldn't like both Maya Sakamoto and Utada Hikaru. Like... what a clown 🤡 to think I HAD TO PICK ONE and could only like one of them lmao.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming you love stsg because of the way you frame the ask around how Geto seems to be the one person whom Gege hints at being the most likely that Gojo would be "romantically interested in".

On the other hand, you also tell me that shipping Gojo with other characters is based on what looks to you like irrelevant breadcrumbs.

Now, before I keep going, what follows is my personal opinion, and I do not claim to own the objective truth about this topic.

In fact, I am very aware that there is no right answer to your ask, and that whatever I answer can stir unnecessary shit up because, not only is this topic sensitive because that's the state of shipping in jjk fandom, but the ask itself feels like its baiting me to give an answer someone knows they aren't going to like.

Very machiuvelical of you anon 😏 I see you!

So either I'm paranoid af, or you're not very good at pretending you are genuinely confused because "it's unclear whether the official material was meant to be interpreted that way or if it was just a funny thing thrown around".

Come the fuck on... 😂

First, you sent an ask to someone who understands mind games; and second, it's perfectly ok to say you don't like the other two ships.

But again, I have also said things in a way that was misinterpreted by others, so... benefit of the doubt here.

Thing is, if you love stsg, no one can take that away from you. Trust me, no one needs anyone's opinion to love ANY ship.

So, let's start with the hard stuff up front.

I ship stsg

I don't care if they are or aren't canon.

If others want to have this conversation and pull panels to back up why they think they are canon etc etc, good. This is not a conversation I care to have any longer because I realized I don't need Gege, or anyone for that matter, to tell me it's ok to ship a pairing--more on this later.

If you do, then, yeah, that's relatable and very understandable.

I also don't care if the jjk powerscaling bros can't accept that Gege has baked ambiguity into the dynamic, and that the cursed cat has recommended bl manga TWICE--thus hinting at the idea that Gege enjoys reading bl.

AND I also respect that there are those who truly see them only as friends. That's their business, you know? Why does their opinion matter if I ship them?

But, when I put on the rose-colored fujo glasses, I see it.

It's undeniable.

stsg is the jjk version of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle's kurofai.

But to be frank... I disagree with the idea that any evidence pointing at gjhm are "irrelevant breadcrumbs" that "shippers are throwing around".

Are they breadcrumbs? Yes. There isn't a whole lot of canonical evidence. But I also don't often hear gjhm shippers say things like "they're so canon" although I could be wrong.

So, are people throwing breadcrumbs around to be funny? This frankly makes it sound like you think very lowly of how some people choose to interpret certain panels.

Even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, this kinda sounds like you see yourself as better than... ?? because to you, its "unclear" how people can interpret the text as there being any ambiguity about the dynamic.

No it isn't 😂. It's clear as day. Come ooooooon.

Its ok to not like that Gege hinted at it AND it also doesn't make stsg any less important.

So are the breadcrumbs truly irrelevant? Only if you have an agenda.

Again, I am sorry if this isn't your intention, but calling them "irrelevant breadcrumbs" makes it sounds like there's an agenda geared at denying something you don't agree with. Which is SUPER relatable.

What I'll say is that, from the "breadcrumbs" Gege gave us about gjhm, I got the sense that, if there was some sort of romantic involvement between Gojo and Utahime that Gege is hinting at in the subtext, it was very bittersweet.

I'm totally not feeling like going and doing any research about this because there are plenty of gjhm shippers who have stated why the "breadcrumbs" make sense to them. AND I also think it's undeniable that there was something between them given the whole song lyrics related to her ct blablabla.

Denying this makes it sound like you're cherry picking what you think is and isn't subtext in the official work based on your shipping preferences.

Also, I don't personally ship gjhm but I have moots who do. As I said, I ship stsg AND I can also respect that others ship gjhm because two opposing ideas can coexist.

Anyways, with ch 236 in mind, in retrospect, what made gjhm undeniably bittersweet, was that Gojo was emotionally stunted in his teen years. This makes Gojo emotionally unavailable to ANYONE because he was stuck longing to be understood the way Geto once understood him, while simultaneously making himself hard to understand.

I think that if Gojo and Utahime were involved behind the scenes, this doesn't mean he didn't miss Geto or stopped loving him. The way I see it, he could very well have loved both. But again, that's my interpretation. It sounds like yours is different.

To me, Utahime isn't some sort of impediment for Gojo to love Geto and viceversa. This isn't a love triangle--Geto isn't even in the picture in their adult years.

That, and, the idea that we can only ever love one person is an unrealistic byproduct of the psychology of romantic love. And yet I can also understand why Gojo felt understood by Geto the most. I mean... Geto is the first person he sees when he dies.

This is so... beautiful.

So if you take the song lyrics hinted at in Uta's ct and put yourself in Utahime's shoes from the perspective of a gjhm shipper, you have a woman who is in a relational dynamic with someone who can't be present for her because he isn't present for himself to begin with.

I know you unironically think it's "a funny irrelevant thing being thrown around", but from how I'm interpreting this, that's not irrelevant or funny to me.

It's human tragedy, and it's sad af for all parties involved. And if you don't agree, you don't agree and that's ok. We can both agree to disagree.

Now, this is how I interpret gjhm based on that ONE specific breadcrumb. Which again, is anything but irrelevant unless your goal is to minimize someone else's perspective. For all I know, a gjhm fan reads this and doesn't agree with me.

For the record, I'm not saying you should change your mind about gjhm if you don't like the ship because you think Utahime truly hates Gojo's guts or that it's misogynistic to pair her with a man but perfectly ok to ship her with Shoko because somehow that makes it ok for her to be in a romantic relationship with someone else, or whatever reasons you might have.

I'm saying that you can love stsg AND simultaneously understand and respect that someone else would have a different opinion, even if you don't personally agree with it.

As for Nanami and Gojo... I mean... 🤷‍♀️

I guess if I put the fujo glasses on I can sort of see it. But again, why should anyone care about whether I agree with them or not? Like... when did I become the authority on shipping? 🤷‍♀️

I don't want that responsibility.

But, the most important thing I want to get across here, is that shipping is highly personal because there is a certain degree of self-insertion happening when we "ship".

So if you, or anyone for that matter, loves stsg, it's because you can see something about the dynamic reflected back at you that rings true to you.

You might say, "it's not that deep, I just see the official text and like what I saw." Which is also fair. But if it wasn't that deep, this ask wouldn't be something I was answering right now.

So, that's why to me, for MY answer to YOUR ask with the way it feels like bait, it's irrelevant whether the ships are canon or not. All that matters is that you, as a participant in this piece of media, can relate to the dynamic. And this is not to minimize whether "the official material is meant to be interpreted one way or another".

But again, cherry picking what we want to be subtext based on an agenda is a biased take.

All I am saying is that shipping is highly personal.

Again, if you don't like the "boy picks on girl" dynamic that gjhm has, it's because it's not for you. I have read what others have to say about not liking it and, honestly, good on y'all. Makes sense.

And if someone explains to me why gjhm makes sense to them, I am no one to tell them they are wrong to self-insert into this dynamic and explore what its potential means to them.

So, anon, I would much rather hear about why you love stsg.

If you want to talk to people who want to focus on hating gjhm or gojonana, or discussing why it's "funny irrelevant breadcrumbs thrown around", for whatever reasons you might have, I simply am not the right person.

All of this said, any further comments seeking to minimize any ship shall be ignored because I am not interested in contributing to shipping wars.

Enjoy stsg. It's a beautiful ship!

Thanks for stopping by, and sharing that bit of stsg love you did share with me. Again, sorry if I misinterpreted your intention, and if I didn't... idk.

All the love.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

@🌹anon asked about my ocs sometime back and as I was answering it rn I accidentally deleted the entire thing😭😭😭😭😭

I'm gonna try and write whatever I remember again✌️:

Yes I did it again (shut up);

I'm such a fucking idiot, I found the "deleted ask" hidden deep in my drafts - apparently it went there when I lost my internet connection but instead of getting saved at the top of my drafts it got saved on the day anon first sent me the ask so somewhere in the middle between other drafts??? Anyway:

!!!You asked for it!!

They were all created for some game or another (characters I'll be able to toss away once I'm done playing the games) But I ended up falling in love with all of them🤡

I can't draw people for shit & I don't wanna describe appearances so I'm gonna use picrews (with links added for anyone who wants to use 'em too)

Starting from first created to last & answering it like I'm making them character profiles for a dating sim (but leaving out the three from Choices 'cause I don't know if they can be considered proper ocs rather than just characters the game handed us? Also leaving out the others from fictif because they're not as well developed)

1. "Lex" Alexandra Lane

(Lex after Lex Luthor and Lane after Lois Lane because I think I'm funny)

[1] , [2]

Origin: Love Island the Game S2

25 at beginning now 26 years (Birthday: November 16th)

5'5"

She/Her

Bisexual

Professional Cellist

English/British because the game didn't give me a choice

Married at 26 (because the game gives you no option), will definitely have a couple kids at some point

No gross out factor - probably ate bugs as a kid. Probably will still eat a bug off the ground if dared to. Biggest point of pride is that she can do a backflip in heels. Loves fashion/beautiful clothes that are usually stupidly expensive. Biting her lip and making bedroom eyes at every single person but really just wants to fall in love and settle down. Hates confrontation/any sort of fight but also really wants to know everything about everyone's business. Good at being the mediator. Always the big spoon. Actually pretty buff - can absolutely bench you.

2. Eliza Ramskin

(Eliza after the official name of the porcelain apple doll sitting in a box on my cupboard but then I decided I didn't want it to stand for Elizabeth so now it stands for "A Lizard" after the rubber gecko pasted on my bedroom wall. Ramskin: a bad pun because of the game)

[1] , [2] (yes the little frog is supposed to be me)

Origin: Obey Me!

23 at beginning now 26 years (Birthday: April 21st)

5'10"

They/Them

Queer

Wildlife Photographer

Has chronic pain

Has a scar over one eyebrow - will smugly tell you a cool story for it. In reality dropped a jar of peanut butter on their face. + top surgery scars

-> Essentially just om! gen MC with a background and name. Have you read my post about gen MC's canon facts? Have you read any of my gen MC theory posts, where I take individual canon facts & connect them to see what happens? Have you read any of my obey me! fics? Can you remember what general MC was like in them? Then you know exactly what Eliza is like. But still, here are some of my favourite parts:

Ambiguously human. Would fight God at 2am in a Denny's parking lot and WIN. They're very lowkey an asshole but underneath that they're kinda nice but underneath that they're a bigger asshole but underneath that they're even nicer and so on and so forth. Surprisingly down for murder. 0 self preservation + 0 shame + 0 fear + max drive & determination + max stubborness + max can do attitude + unconsciously charming + actually pretty strong + danger kink + horny = the world's greatest monster fucker.

3. Len

(Len's short for Lenora which she no longer goes by but irl named after my Lenova laptop, No surname.)

[1] , [2]

Origin: The Arcana

31 years (Birthday: June 7th)

5'11"

She/They

Bisexual

Same occupation as the game's MC

The only one who has a defined body shape in my mind and that body shape is plank of wood

Pitch black eyes that reflects no light. Vague cryptid energy. Stoic, cold yet thin polite smile that seems very surface level. Posture's so good just looking at her makes your back hurt. Warms up once you get to know her; is caring and gentle and understanding and soothing but also stuborn and tough/harsh/strict. Responsible but also has no problem breaking the law if needed. Dreams of travelling the world. Gives off black cat energy but is a dog person. Sadistic in both the sexy and unsexy way. Bad puns. So much untapped potential to be a super villain. I think I accidentally just created a female version of om!'s Lucifer...

4. Vale Knight

(Vale after welcome to night vale which I hadn't watched at the time, Knight from the same place but it's also a pun because of what happens to them in the game)

[1] , [2]

Origin: Last Legacy

28 years (July 10th)

6'0"

They/Them

Queer Polyamorous

Same occupation as the game's MC

Not only are they a weeb they're an ASSHOLE. The kind of person to get stabbed because their first instinct was to mock the mugger. Decided to dye their hair for cosplay once and then went "wait a minute -" A shameless flirt until someone flirts back and then they're a flustered annoyed mess. Had a lot of jobs over the years, currently a barista - doesn't want to be a barista forever but doesn't know what they want to do (other than gaming, watching movies/shows/anime, reading books/comics/manga) until they accidentally discover a passion for medicine and go to nursing school

5. River Bouwmeester

(River after Lake from Infinity Train which I've never watched, Bouwmeester because it's a Dutch surname meaning "master builder" because they work as a home renovater)

[1]

Origin: Monster Manor

27 years

5'1"

He/They

Queer

Same occupation as the game's MC

American (because the game gave me no choice) with probably Dutch origins from their father's side

Couple of big scars here and there

BIG "I can fix him energy". Moves around a lot = not much possibility for a long term stable relationship = oblivious and shy when it comes to romantic attraction. Strong, patient, practical. Very little can rattle them. Came from a long family line of home renovaters/builders (of the magic, strange & weird) but no close living family. Unironically loves bob the builder. Trying very hard to forget about the fact that they're extremely lonely by keeping up a very positive optimistic attitude. Their truck is their pride & joy. Absolutely loves their job even though it's what causes them to move about so much and so makes it hard to form close connections. Very friendly from the first moment but isn't tolerant of anyone's bullshit.

6. Roo Kidd

(Roo after the baby kangaroo from Winnie the Pooh, Kidd because the baby kangaroo was a kid. Surprisingly the actual meanings behind both names fit with their character/circumstances)

[1] , [2]

Origin: Twisted Wonderland

16 years (Birthday January 10th)

5'7"

He/They

Gay Demiromantic Asexual

Wears reading glasses

Lots of small scars from scrapes and scratches all along body

Always cold + loves cute clothes = wearing summer dresses and instantly regretting it. Head in the clouds 7 outta 10 times. Has never felt romantic attraction before - believed they never would and was 100% okay with that - so the one time they did start feeling it went "wow I'm really into this friendship" and stayed oblivious for an annoyingly long time. Also similarly oblivious to romantic attraction directed at them. Kinda klutzy. Big wet eyes. Big bright smile. A ball of sunshine but also really snarky. "This might as well happen" energy. Fast with quick reflexes and a sharp eye for detail. A cunning edge that comes out only during emergencies. Strength of a wet noodle though. Gets a shitty impromptu/accidental haircut that leads to him buzzing it all off and having to grow it back.

[panzershrike-pretz]

UHHHHHH ANOTHER TAG GAME MADE BY THE MOST AMAZING @onehelluvamarine!!! I LOVE THESE KEKKEKEKEKEK

----------------------------------------------

A band you don’t like that many others do:

Well, it's not that I don't like, it's more like: I only ever heard probably 3 songs. That would be The Beatles; I never got really interested in their music, they're not my vibe really

A childhood memory that you remember vividly:

I have many, but one of them was when I was maybe 6? and I went with my dad to the bank deposit money. He found a friend of his and started talking to him, while I picked up some pigeon and turtledove feathers up off the ground. That friend was deaf, but he could still speak a little and he congratulated me on the feathers then gave me a pat on the head (he was strong as fuck??)

Least favorite animal and why:

Any insect, but ESPECIALLY cockroaches. I'm so fucking scared, you have no idea 💀

Hot fandom take:

Scourge is one of my favorite characters from Warriors, I don't care if he's an edgy bitch. My man clawesd open Tigerstar'sbelly and made him loose all 9 lives at once???? Scourge is very fucking cool (also purple collar is the real collar. But I like rainbow)

Do you were any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

I have a pair of gold earings! When I was born, my ears were pierced and I got those. I only ever changed them once (boughr a pair that's a little bigger, but my baby earings are still here). I can't use any other kind of earing or jewelry on the ears or else I'll have an allergic reaction 🤡

A movie others liked but you didn’t:

How To Train Your Dragon 3 (actually, did anyone like that??) I don't like the Light Fury and it feels so wrong having Toothless leave Hiccup 😭😭😭 It's a damn pretty movie but I still consider itto be non-canon <3

Three things you love about yourself:

My sense of humor, my eyes and my hair

A place you hope to visit in the future and why:

Paleontological digging site. I know I'll visit it with my college, but!! I can't wait!!

There's also this wildlife reserve-park thingy on the way to the state of Paraná called Vila Velha (Old Village) that I NEED to visit one day. It's such a pretty view from the road, I swear 😭

An actor that gets on your nerves and why:

I know nothing about famous people, so I don't care for their lives. I have my own problems, no time to bother with theirs :3

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future?

TAXIDERMY CLASSES! TAXIDERMY CLASSES!!! TAXIDERMY CLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

The fuck is with people shipping Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) with everyone. He's canonically aroace, get a grip fellas 😭😭 (yes aroace people can still have any kind of relationship but fuck. Alastor? He very clearly is NOT in the game for a ship,,,,,, and when I finally find a lil' scrap of representation, people want to strip that from the character??? Nuh-uh, I hate Alastor ships. Leave him be!!)

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?

.........Dream SMP 💀 *explodes and dies*

List three things you find beautiful about life:

Being able to hear birds singing (and see them flying), snuggling together with my dog when I'm feeling down and long walks on the beach with said dog.

Any dreams for the future?

I have a big big BIG interest in falconry (although it's a very odd thing for Brazil 😭) and, obviously, i can't wait to learn taxidermy. I know it's a stinky and slow process to learn and mount stuff, but I can't wait to start learning and hopefully have my first bird piece done!

How are you really feeling today?

I just woke up to a pair of chacalacas (why the fuck araquã in English is like this?) screaming like crazy, so I haven't had the time to feel anything xD

Damn this got big-

Tagging (no pressure!): @onehelluvamarine (do your version >:3) @xxluckystrike @blueberry-ovaries @1waveshortofashipwreck @grumpy-liebgott @executethyself35 (and whoever else wants to join!)

[vicciouxs]

SIMBLR ASK GAME ! tagged by @machinegrl <3 tsym ily 💐

🌸— WHAT'S YOUR EARLIEST MEMORY OF PLAYING THE SIMS?

I remember leaving school, probably in the summer, and arriving at my grandmother's house, where my older cousin was with a friend. I always played with them and that day a classmate had lent his friend the sims (spoiler: they never returned the game to the classmate 🌞)

💫— HOW DID YOU DISCOVER THE SIMS FRANCHISE?

by my cousin's friend 🌞👍

🍇— WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST SIMS GAME?

the sims

🍦— HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING THE SIMS?

many years, after that I played the rest pirated and the only one I bought was the sims 4 when they came out

🥤— WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SIMS SERIES?

the sims and the sims 4, I would also like to say the sims 2 or 3, but since I played them pirated sometimes my computer crashed and I couldn't fully enjoy them either 🤡 but well, the truth is that I enjoy the cas and the construction mode of the sims 4 and I love the sims because it was the first one I played

🤍— DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SIM CREATED BY YOU?

can I say all of them? like, before they were sims they are my ocs so I have a special affection for all of them, but, lately I love zahria, eiran and kaitlyn sm

🧸— FAVORITE TOWNIE?

the goth family and the vatore siblings, like, even when I don't do anything my sims always have a love bar with lilith or caleb; and I love the goth family since the sims. I can't say much about the rest of the sims either because I focus so much on my little pixels that I don't pay attention to the lore of the sims, sorry 😭😭

🍨— DO YOU HAVE A SIM SELF? IF YES, DO YOU PLAY WITH THEM?

I have it, but I don't post a photo because I'm remodeling it. and I play with ir, but in dress-up game way, I use it to recreate outfits and get an idea of ​​how to change my hair 🌞

🍍— HOW OFTEN DO YOU PLAY THE SIMS?

every time I can because it relaxes me a little, like, I don't have to do anything, it doesn't have clear objectives, there are no missions, I can do what I want whenever I want without pressure, and don't forget that I really like to visualize my ocs and their stories, so every time I can I play

🌱— DO/CAN YOU RELATE TO ANY OF YOUR SIMS?

all of them, they all have a small part of me, but without a doubt, the ones who are most similar to me are knox and genji.

🐬— FAVORITE SIMS CHALLENGE?

none? like, idk, I am incapable of doing any because there are always things that I dislike or that do not inspire me and in the end I do not do any 😭😭

👜— WHAT IN-GAME CAREER WOULD YOU CHOOSE IF YOU WERE A SIM?

I regret not having studied astronomy every day, so I would choose astronaut. I love space and the universe sm

🌷— WICH TRAITS WOULD YOU HAVE IF YOU WERE A SIM?

socially awkward, gloomy, art lover, bookworm and geek. I can't choose just three, sorry

🍮— FAVORITE THING TO DO IN THE SIMS?

I don't know how to draw, so I really like to recreate my ocs. also decorate and create sims in general

❄— FAVORITE IN-GAME SEASON IF YOU OWN THE SIMS 4 SEASONS?

it doesn't matter if it's a game or real life, winter will always be my favorite season, especially because of the snowy scenarios. you don't know how much I love the snowy scenarios of red dead 2

❣— DO YOU TALK ABOUT THE SIMS WITH ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY MEMBERS IN REAL LIFE?

not really 😢 sometimes we discuss new expansions or create our roleplay characters in the sims, but I can count those times on one hand and I have fingers to spare

✉️— HOW BIG IS YOUR MODS FOLDER?

86,2 gb 🤡

📱— WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START SIMBLR?

I don't know exactly why I did it, but a part of me wanted to find people to create our little sims together and talk about sims; I also feel like I've always liked watching other people play, we all play the same game, but none of our sims are the same, each one has their own style and aesthetics and I really like to see that, plus all the people I have met here are so nice 😭😭💐

[flowering-thought]

I guess my health issues won't quit 🧍‍♀️

Um so I really hate going into detail but you all deserve to know what's going on especially since it impacts how long it'll take me to finish some drafts I want to release sooner rather than later.

So if you don't know, I have a chronic pain condition. One that has no cure and not a lot of things can treat it or manage it well. Luckily I mostly have it managed except yk flare ups here and there where I feel like I'm dying. But I just pop an edible when that happens and the pain goes away.

But unfortunately my other condition decided to act the fuck up 🧍‍♀️

And so now I get to tell you about the hell that is being a uterus haver. I have a condition called PCOS also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome. Too hard to explain what it is but what it does for me is it skips my periods and makes them come back with a fucking vengeance.

And so after not having mine for maybe uhhhh well let's just say an incredibly unhealthy amount of time (if I say the amount of months I think I'll get yelled at for being a dumbass 🤡), it came back.

Now having a period ain't a problem, it hurts like a mf but that's okay. The problem was that it lasted for over 2 weeks.... So they gave me some meds to stop it.

Guess what came back three days after I was told to stop taking the meds??? So um medical issues galore and extreme emotions thanks to the hormones that come with not having your period for an extreme amount of time.

So I'll be having probably a lot of doc visits and other shit going on thanks to this mess.

If my health doesn't improve I might just write anyways as I'm truly running out of things to keep me sane with my health issues being as they are.

And I want to apologize for taking so long cause I really do want to finish everything and work on things that I've been wanting to work on like finishing off the Ganondorf storyline I have going and getting back to my precious Cult and writing for my ocs that I adore cause I miss the Kawaharas and my baby Irene-

I'm incredibly sorry I always take a long time and also so very thankful for the people who enjoy what I write and take the time out of their day to read what I write.

Please have a good day!! Or night! And stay hydrated and hopefully have better health luck then I do. If you have it worse tho I'm sending good luck your way!!! Please stay safe with how crazy the world is getting and don't forget to eat a snack now and then <3

[cameliawrites]

For the fic asks, people probably beat me to them but: 🤡✨🦅 and just for funsies... 🧠 for Jesper since I'd love to know some of your thoughts on him

Cat, my beloved! Have some answers (with a bonus Kaz/Jesper friendship ficlet at the end, because I love these fools)!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Maybe this errs on the sweeter side of funny, but there’s one tiny exchange in “what a mother wants” that I’m really fond of.

The backstory is that a few summers ago, I babysat quite frequently for some dear friends of mine. Their kids have an impressive collection of stuffed toys, and of course, each and every one of them has to have a name—and to my surprise and amusement, these little fuzzy pandas and sloths and such are often named after fully-grown, real-life adults in their lives. Like, first AND last name and all. 😂

SO. All that to say, I’m very very fond of this exchange between Kaz and his daughter, which I not-so-slyly slipped into a parenthetical aside near the end of the fic:

Say thank you to Aaji, Kaz had instructed her, and when Lieze complied, he’d asked her, What will you name it? Lieze had contemplated for a moment, face taking on an expression reminiscent of her father. Jesper Fahey, she’d finally declared decisively, and Kaz had groaned.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

Oh goodness! Okay. Um…

Well, I’ve always been fond of this line near the very end of “someone to watch over me:”

When she entered her room, she noticed that the four showy flower arrangements had been removed. Instead, atop her pillow sat a small bouquet of geraniums, clearly hand-picked, and tied with a single red ribbon.

Inej opened the small note attached to the ribbon, already grinning widely, her heart fluttering like petals tossed to the wind.

I drew the imagery of “petals tossed to the wind” from that (iconic) scene where wild geranium petals rain over her when Kaz rescues her at the Goedmedbridge in Crooked Kingdom. The simile felt quite apropos for a fic scene where Kaz is leaving a little geranium bouquet for her. 🥰

🦅Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

👖👖👖My fics usually come together in patches—I’ll have a scene here, a scene there, a scrap of dialogue, a concept of a given’s scene choreography… but then all the connective tissue between those points isn’t determined until I’m actually writing. This is part of why I mostly write one shots; I think outlining a multi-chapter fic would be a nightmare for me. 😅 (And also, the time constraints of law school make it hard for me to plan ahead that much.)

I really enjoy the freedom I have in this creative process. For me, writing fic is a total escape from the strictures of academic/professional writing, and I worry that holding myself to a strict outline would suck a bit of the joy out of it. But I know that for other people, it’s just a helpful organizational tool! I spend more time on the back end of fic writing (editing and revising and figuring out how to piece existing scenes together) than on the front end (planning and outlining). Everyone’s process is so different!

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. - Jesper

(why did this turn into a mini-fic? why do I do this? ….here, have a thing:)

Jesper is the first person to whom Kaz confesses that he loves Inej.

The moon is high and the bottle of whiskey is running dangerously low. The two of them are sprawled out on the grass of the Van Eck garden looking at the night sky, because it was suddenly very important for a very drunk Jesper to point out all the constellations Colm Fahey taught him, and to pass along the stories Colm had learned growing up on the Wandering Isle.

The first mistake Kaz makes is disputing Jesper’s account: “No, you’ve got it all wrong,” he slurs, “My Da told me and Jordie this other story about those three stars on the right…”

And because Jesper knows a bit about Jordie by now, he becomes solemn and quiet; sobered, even in his utter drunkenness, as Kaz tells the story.

“I’m sorry you lost him,” Jesper finally whispers, and for a long moment, the trickle of the water in the nearby canal is the only sound between them.

Kaz grumbles something unintelligible at first, refusing to meet Jesper’s gaze. “It’s been ten years,” he finally articulates, and Jesper can see him clenching the grass at his sides with his pale, ungloved hands. “It shouldn’t still hurt. If I were stronger…if I were stronger, it wouldn’t still hurt. I got even with Pekka Rollins. I got my revenge. What’s left?”

“What’s left?” Jesper retorts a bit too loudly, pushing himself up to sit on his elbows, then immediately collapsing back to the ground at the wave of dizziness that follows. “What’s left is that you loved him, Kaz. Like I loved my Ma—like any of us still love anyone we lost. The love doesn’t just…fade away, just because they’re gone,” Jesper spits out, gesturing wildly with his hands. “And you’re an even bigger podge than I thought if you think that makes you weak,” he finishes resolutely, waggling one drunken finger near Kaz’s face.

Kaz rolls his eyes at the insult (and the finger), but seems to let the words sink in; the expression on his face tells Jesper how intensely he’s turning them over in his mind.

“Ugh,” Jesper groans, “what are you scheming about right now?”

“I love Inej,” Kaz starts simply—and it is a simple statement; a simple truth; one that neither Kaz nor Jesper is really surprised by, even if Jesper is a smidge surprised Kaz is actually willing to admit it out loud. “But I haven’t told her. Just in case…” Kaz’s mouth clamps shut, then opens once more, as though he cannot resist the drunken spill of words from his mouth at this moment. “I don’t want to be left alone with that kind of hurt ever again.”

And the pain, the fear, that washes over Kaz’s face for an uncontrolled instant—too long to believe Kaz doesn’t feel anything, even if he tried to deny it—has Jesper sliding his hands over the pearl-handled revolvers at his hips, trying to resist the urge to reach out and do something stupid, like hug his best friend.

“You wouldn’t be left alone,” Jesper promises fiercely. “Not this time. Not ever again. I haven’t always made myself trustworthy, but tell me you trust me about that much?” he pleads.

Kaz nods slowly, his throat bobbing as his gaze remains fixed determinedly on the sky.

“Good,” Jesper breathes. “That’s—that’s good.”

When their voices fade to silence once more, something like relief rises in the quiet that they’ve left behind.

“Kaz?” Jesper can’t help but ask a few minutes later.

“Hmmph.” The hangovers are going to hurt tomorrow.

“You’ve gotta make me your best man, okay?”

Kaz shoots up in a panic. Jesper maintains his position on the ground, arms tucked lackadaisically beneath his head. “We’re not getting married, Jesper.”

“Of course you aren’t,” he laughs airily. “I mean, you’d be a real asshole if you didn’t tell her you loved her before you proposed.”

“Fuck you, Jes.”

“Love you too, Kaz.”

[swaqcenix]

thank you very much! haha, wow, now I'm cool and your favorite anon….. these hashtags made me snigger maliciously. 🙂

thank you so much for your support and everything you wrote. it's really important to me and helps me feel a little more confident.":) and you can congratulate me, I really got the first place.

And OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO TRY MY BEST, and WHAT ARE U TOLLKING ABOUT, of course I'm going to LOVE your future work. pfft, I see Peggy in the fanfiction - I automatically "❤️" it and get ready to wish happiness to the author and his whole family. lol.

I love discussing plots and the behavior of characters, although I don't seem to really like spoilers........👁👁 however, judging by your words, the main cherry on the cake in this fanfiction has not yet been revealed. and that's good. ;)

Hmm, "the visit"? Is this the movie that Kathryn Hahn played in? If so, I watched it. Really strange movie, which is more psychologically depressing than frightening, to be honest … and thank you!! you're so caring, it makes me mentally squeak.☠️

I don't know why I react this way to any good contacts with people.😐

annddd wow.. wow. you're right. I was somewhat struck by your words about all this. just this fact that someone remembers the phrases of their favorite characters and make some conclusions from it. Also, your words about the concept and much more. And oh my God, you're making me blush, stop it, fkljgkfdga 👽 also, I'm glad to be a good listener for you. 🦋

to be honest, sometimes I think that the profession of my dreams would be just to sit silently and listen to people talking about some fragments of their lives and some clever thoughts.

...

although, probably, this place is occupied by God.👍

or psychologists. in some way. or priests.

Oh, you little naughty girl! for unauthorized interference with the work of my brain and its suspension, you are obliged to compensate for the damage by writing and publishing fan fiction, which I'm looking forward to.

OH MY GOD, THE DETAILS.

wow, so much sense! I love it!(!!!) seems like when i wiil review this terribly boring movie, sorry. I watched it just for Peggy movie, I will always remember you and this fan fiction, lol honestly, I don't even know what to think looking at these photos. but it looks like it's connected to the past. perhaps the reader is someone who has been with Peggy in the past and seeing alive reader from other universe now, with Wanda, Peggy will… like…

*shows a brain explosion with hands*

you know?

well, i dont🤡

hmmm.

BAAHAHAHAHA now you're my main reason why I obsessively check tumblr all the time. thank you

by the way, do you want to exchange with me three songs that you like at this point in time? here are my:

the dismemberment song, blue kid

runs in the family, amanda palmer

крепость, дайте танк(!)

if you want, I could translate the last song for you. I know russian well enough :)

you are my favourite anon and the sweetest fr! no jokes intended little anon :) you sniggering bless you! 💌

no worries the support is meant and i'm so glad you're getting some confidence it's all you can do is just try and be yourself. I'm SO PROUD OF YOU, you really deserved that congratulations darling! <3

see you say that now i'm just shaking that it goes to plan, but hopefully it should! bahahaha, i feel you there when it comes to seeing that just instant like fr 💗

oh heaven forbid no, i wouldn't spoil it for you dear you'd need to the excitement and the surprise built up enough! the cherry on the cake is yet to be revealed you'll love it though :)) i hope

yes that one!! don't ask why i enjoy it so much, maybe it purely is for the little kathryn content we get hun, but idk i have some strange taste in films i just enjoy anything that's horror or suspense for the adrenaline. oh sweet that's adorable your little squeaks? 🥹

heyy your reactions are valid okay? remember that it's a safe space here for a reason! <3 🍓

as you can tell i do have an enjoyment going into depth with my work and my thoughts. i thrive on indulging etc, i really do enjoy it! <3 aww you're blushing, so cute! no i love it you're genuinely so sweet love! 💌

that's a really interesting concept tbh, you're more of a listener i love that. the listeners of this world are like wind through the breeze and the whisper of a river, calm and there collected with their thoughts :))

perhaps it is, i always do enjoy indulging in thoughts i can often get carried away with!

oh yes, i do tend to be a naughty little girl a lot 😌 but okay i suppose i'll compensate through this fanfic, besides it's for the best anon right! 🫶

ahhh yes see, i didn't mind the movie tbh i definitely had seen it's pro's and con's. i'm so glad you liked my little analysis of characters sweetie! HMMM perhaps it is perhaps it isn't i shall reveal nothing. 🤭 my secrets for the fanfic is yet to be revealed but that made me smile that you'll think of this fic fr! <3

AHAHHA brain explosion you do make me laugh, i love reading you little messages! sweet sweet anon, you're so kind! i'm the main reason? i better up my game if that's the case then 🥹

i'll give those a listen as soon as i post this tell love!! <3 fun fact i do speak quite a bit of russian so i should be okay 😌

My three songs i'll share with you are:

• Pray - Zana

• La De La Mala Suerte- Jesse and Joy (i can help if you don't quite understand the lyrics or it's meaning!!💌)

• Feels Like Coming Home- Jetta <33

stay safe sweetie! :))

[starlight-phantom]

🤡😈🎶 for the fic writer asks and 4, 19, and 31 for the OC asks! ^^

🤡 - What's a line, scene or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Honestly there's three main ones that come to mind and I was so disappointed that none of them got attention from readers, although I guess that just tells me that my sense of humour isn't very good.

Two of them are from my P5R Chat fic, the first one being the group talking about Goro giving Ren his phone number after the interview where Ren says the Thieves do more than the cops and everyone laughing at Goro with Futaba jokingly saying "Oh shit, this guy called a loser on national TV, I have to slide into those DMs"

The other P5R Chat fic one is from the showbiz chat (between Goro, Ann, Sumire and Hifumi) and they're talking about all the interviews Goro used to do and how often he'd be asked about his type of woman when, in this fic, Goro is gay. So he remarks about "What was I supposed to say? 'What do you look for in a woman?' I don't. I look elsewhere."

And the last one was from my Gorotaba siblings fic where Futaba is teasing Goro over text about his crush on Ren and how he won't admit it, so she sends a link and says it's Goro and I actually put a link in the fic and it sends you to a YouTube video of I Won't Say I'm In Love from Hercules.

Explaining these jokes here suddenly makes them not seem funny anymore and now I'm just embarrassed. Also, I've noticed that all three examples are me teasing Goro. I love this boy, but I love teasing him even more.

😈 - Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

I never really write sad stuff to be mean. Mostly I just have a sad idea, it makes me sad and I realise it would work really well so I write it and sometimes it comes out sadder than I first thought. For example, For The Best was the first fic that made me cry while writing it and that caught me completely off guard.

However, I will admit, I did add in some extra scenes in the flashback section of Someone I Used To Know just because it would make it more painful and while, yes I was grinning when the idea hit me, I don't consider it playfully mean because I was hurting myself too.

🎶 - Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I'm stuck on my phone so listening to music is pretty much the only thing I can do while writing because fuck you I'm not paying for YouTube premium even though it would really help me focus because for some reason hearing people talking instead of music helps me focus more.

And unfortunately, I'm stuck listening to the same songs on repeat and have been for months because my phone's music app is weird and randomly deleted a bunch of songs and won't let me get more. No, I don't know how to fix it. And yes, being stuck with the same 200 songs on repeat for the past... Half a year? Has been driving me to insanity, thanks for asking.

Don't even suggest using Spotify because I am a grandma in a 22 year old's body and I have no fucking clue how to use technology.

4 - A character you rarely talk about

Unfortunately, that's most of them... Especially since certain ones get a lot more attention than others. But it's mostly the ones with personalities I find difficult to write... So usually the serious, responsible members of the group because chaos is way easier to write.

19 - Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Honestly? Probably Sora. Because I made them after realising I was non-binary so they're my first OC who doesn't fall within the gender binary (They're genderfluid) and I basically made their personality just a free spirit like they're cheeky, they're loud, they're confident, they're unapologetic. They're basically everything I wish I was. Except for their fashion sense, I deliberately made their fashion sense terrible to make them more endearing and funny... And to piss off Kenji, who is extremely fashion conscious.

31 - Pick one OC of yours and explain what their Tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Oh god, describing things has always been the thing I'm worst at... I dunno... I guess Aki? His blog would be full of pictures of him skating, his friends, food he really enjoyed and random rants about whatever series he's watching at the time??? And I don't even know the first thing about layouts... I meant it when I said I was useless with technology, okay?

[hyunjinspark]

I had been so busy with things and I take a lot of time to pen down my thoughts and I didn't want to send a review that's hurried. Also, I read the whole part again 😗, for the third time 🤡 and then I wrote this; a literal chapter breakthrough of parts which made me hug my dog tighter and she hates me now. She refuses to sleep with me if I have my phone in my hand😭 Anyways,,,,,Here we go,,,,,,

First off, [The pink neon sign in front if you was pretty. 'Don't forget to say I love you.']

This right here is such a good example of the way you write. It's one of those mundane things around the room that everyone sees and tags as insignificant. The way you pick these trivial things and transition them into the mainstream emotions of the person of matter. These details are not always explicitly elabrorative or fillers to add to the feelings, rather they become the flow of thoughts. They are the most ordinary things, something which normally wouldn't send you into a spiral of thoughts, but that phase when you can't really help yourself but relate everything to that one person; your unconcious does throw you under the bus, prompting you to associate every small thing with them. It leaves me in awe, everytime you do that. 👩‍🍳's💋 really.

["We shouldn't," He spoke immediately, like it was painful to say.] Okay, personal experience speaking up 😬 but usually when people drunk kiss, they tend to call out the other person. And I don't know why but it tugged at my heartstrings how he still referred to them as "we". Probably not a thing to fuss about, but I guess it's just my personality taking control. It really left such a bitter taste in my mouth; I mean I have never been in a place where I wasn't able to get my feelings off my chest, but this really made me feel things I had no idea I could.

[The thought terrified you and you stepped forward. "Please, Hyun"] Yes, it's only about her calling him "Hyun". I don't know if it was to show how drunk she was that she called him anything or it was just a mindless thing to say. Whichever way, that was really cute and Hyunjin is stupid for not catching that. I think calling people by nicknames is the softest thing to do on earth🥺💓 I really felt hopeless that time, I am not sure if it's the right word; however, it was biting at me how thick the two of them are. It's the way how it hurts the most when whatever you had given into a relationship, whatever you had for that person wasn't reciprocated back. And, that she still called him "Hyun" while drunk shows that she is nowhere near getting over him.

["... It was stupid of me to think things could change..."] AKA, Thick-headed-part-2. While the whole talk at the club was angsty; this particular line made me sigh, of frustration, of anger, of disappointment, and I just wanted to hit them. I know both of them are dumb, but can't y/n comprehend sentences? "Could change"; girl, he expected something out of you calling him. And I was kind of upset at how she solely thought of herself at that very moment when they were talking. But I guess, y/n was too gone to think about things clearly 😕. Don't get me wrong, it's not selfish to have your feelings as the top priority, howbeit I still expected either of the two to be stunned by the other's actions. Both of them during that part made me feel like they were made of glass, and one touch would be all it takes to break them. And don't tell people they are pretending, it hurts. But then that's what you do when you're drunk– you hurt people.

>Three cups of coffee after drinking.🤯 That's a health blunder I don't recommend anyone, especially during winters. Coffee has caffeine, a diuretic, and so does alcohol. Hence it might dehydrate the body more, which could lead to a worsened or prolonged hangover. Of course, she will be more hungover; you need to max out your fluid intake. Maybe listen to Seonghwa more, he has been such a sweetheart the whole series, I feel like I need to pull him into a tight bear hug. (He's also my favorite after Hyunjin's character; I just the love the vibes he has.)

["....heart set on one person." Your heart dropped.] Really, it holds no significance but it just made me crack up. The part where her heart is set and then it drops. (Iamsorry😭) It was funny, not to feel but to read. (Keya literally slapped me when I shrieked at that; hold yourself accountable for all the hate my baby gave while I was reading the chapter and also if I fail)

["God, y/n. You are so defensive....."]

That line had all my attention. Guessing all of this is happening around 1 month (3 weeks and then 1 week after the club incident), that's actually a time you tend to put up a defensive mode on. It's not just related to the person anymore, it transfers as a part of daily behaviour. Repeating you're fine or denying things.👏👏 Also, Seonghwa doesn't know about what happened between them? I am kind of confused.

Can I kick him? Please? Because you DON'T say that to people's face. What the messedupfuckingbrainthatisrude freaking hell, Hyunjin?! I would slap that person if they ever say that to me. It's so screwed up!

>Y/n not being able to practice properly.

The ability to take in information quickly -and efficiently- is impaired when you are down. While in others, it can lead to activation of the creative part of brain, like in Hyunjin's case. Back to y/n; our emotion processing centre is biologically close to our part which is involved in retrieval of memories, memory storage, motor actives and attraction. It was so relatable, at least for me, that she wasn't able to concentrate or get creative because these abilities have far reaching links with what and how we are feeling. At first, emotion-based memory retardation and difficulty focussing may be just mild and annoying, like she wasn't able to study, but later it can affect our giving or receiving attention, which is how you learn new things. This can also lead to a lack of consideration and that is why the earlier point which I made that "she solely thought of herself" is not justified, but I wanted them to catch on how much they are hurting each other. I loved this little bit which gave us a good insight on how they are going on with other activities, and again I have nothing more to add than to say it was very relatable.

Everything about the lake date had me soft. I melted🥺😭💘. I remember when I read the lake date part, I was so curious about what they did that day and it was so nice of you to incorporate that into this chapter. They were so delicate with each other, though horny (,yes) but so careful and playful and happy and funny and adorable and sweet and fluffy and comfortable and the list goes on. I missed them together so so so sooooo much. Funny thing, I was having dark chocolate that time and Keya licked me when they were kissing, and I was like OMG you are making me feel so single. Also, y/n asked that she would taste him first; does that mean public blowjob😳? No, right??? They went home, yep they did. (And that time, when y/n was like I don't wanna be that couple, I felt called out. That was so embarrassing 🤡. TMI nobody needed.)

Wooyoung. Wooyounggggg. Himmmmm. Yessssssss. You, Wooyoung would have been my crush if Hwang Hyunjin didn't exist, and all because of this part. But Woo😻 arghhh! I LOVE HIM. His character took such a beautiful, such a wow turn in this chapter, I was so happy. He finally accepted and learned (/learnt,,, I don't know if you follow British or American English) that y/n doesn't like him in that way. It was beautiful to say the least but that has to be my favourite character development. I just had all my heart eyes for him in this chapter.

Also, how much do these babies drink? They need to stop partying or they are getting whacked by me. Drinking just makes things horrible but drinking also gets good story arcs. And Changbin picking up Wooyoung had me reeling, I was like yeah yeah go pick your boy. That was so goofy, it gave me a break to mend my broken heart.

>Yeonjun and that girl. Sigh. Can this story be any more real and perfect? (Aggressively shakes head in disapproval) Just another beautiful addition to the angst and another reason for my eyes to sweat. I am a very hormonal person, and being on periods didn't help. When I was reading this, the whole heartbreak hit me like a truck. The intensity of getting hurt by someone you love and the longing to be in that someone's arms. I bit my lips so badly, and I really wanted her to leave, beacuse I would have. I am still not getting over how you come up with such scenarios, but I guess it happens as you continue writing. Your words and my sanity have married each other, and I easily glide through your writing because everything happens so smoothly and always at the right time. And I could feel everything that was happening, the word building that you did at that part, going on and off from looking at them and then not looking at them, it was so characteristic of what anyone would feel if they were y/n. AHH, you are incredibly talented🤧

And, Hyunjin kept staring at her whenever they met. I am not going to lie, I started to feel uncomfortable along with y/n. And, y/n was so low on confidence and self-appreciation the whole chapter, I was very concerned. It can be as hard as a callous for someone to break things with you and you are left alone, all the while comparing yourself with someone else. It comes like blue on a rainy day, the feeling of giving up and feeling things as strong as love and as brittle as being uncertain about yourself. Sometimes, you just need a pause from everything and y/n was getting none of that because the hard part of a fwb relationship is how they are so close in your social circle that everyone knows everything and you don't get that break.

>Han and Hyunjin talking. I felt so bad at what was thrown at Hyun. We can't blame him, he was just a teenager who wasn't aware of her feelings for him. Being told that you are the reason why the person you love is sad, it gets at you. He genuinely likes y/n and, I don't know how to explain this, but I guess it's how much you blame yourself, hate yourself and regret everything you did which is the reason why someone is hurting, especially that person you want to give all the care in this world. I will not say anymore, because your writing does all the work. I was just feeling numb, and if detached is the right feeling, from Hyun's pov I felt disconnect from the mainstream of the situation and I felt like I was just being pushed into all the repentance. The remorse he felt, the instant blame he put on himself, if I can, I would have just hug him and tell him, it's okay. Because it is okay, he didn't mean anything, and Hyunjin's genuinely a nice person; dorky, pert, cheeky, check all that, but he's also a person who has been nothing but so grateful to the people around him. Staying for Seungmin, agreeing to get Felix's phone, getting them food in high school, coming to get y/n at the cafe that one time when Yunho was there, coming to get her despite being hurt himself in the club; he's such a sweetheart.

>Mrs. Park and the Daisy necklace. That was such a good development. Not the dance teachers being the link to clear out things though. That part was so unlined, just the story and what was happening and I was so relieved when that happened. I have nothing specific to say, but this will be my favourite revelation. The rawness of the situation and how you did not hem what y/n was feeling until her confrontation.

AND FINALLY, the much awaited talk. I was on the edge of my bed when she was walking to the room. The way she silently keep going on and about how she wished that room doesn't exist but it does and she has to be there. The reluctance to hold onto that last bit of hope. My heart was beating million times a minute. And, that description of the state of the room was STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL. So, beautiful. The vase of brushes, plants growing, denims overall with paint on them, the strokes, just the way she was letting the familiarity of the room sink in. I could feel all the pent up frustration coming on the surface and the way she broke down in front of him. It gets so hard to keep pretending. I have been there, and hurt is just the peak of the iceberg of all you feel when you are confronting that person with a feeble hope that things will eventually work out. That desperation which sets in, the way you push all the gears way too many times, the way the syncopated reality displaces into the melodic aspiration. You don't know how happy I was when that happened, I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, not that it was a responsibility but I felt so burdened with all that was happening. I am so happy everything happened and the last part was so therapeutic, yes, it was, unconditionally therapeutic. Just reading characters, that don't exist I might as well add, kiss each other, I felt so much lighter and lifted. I was on a trampoline of dopamine.

I just want you to be proud of what you have done. At times, and mostly, at least for me, it doesn't have to be the thrill or the drama that comes with the plot, but its execution. I had read a written part before I decided to start reading the whole series, and I am glad I did. Also, another bout of appreciation for your sm parts because they are just as wonderful to read. I randomly pick a part to read, everything is just so good. I am actually at a loss of words, because I am not a critic. I was just taken back by the whirlpool of emotions this chapter gave me. And, if you are wondering, I cried from the club part till the end because I am an emotional person. And I was ugly laughing after I finished reading it but still weeping. I am not kidding, I just tend to cry a lot. Anyways, Jade, you can and should be happy with what you have written because if it's able to make me physically feel all the angst, all the fluff, all the tingling, all the anticipation, all the everything you've poured into this chapter, you have done a very good job. And seriously at this point, whatever I say, I am not good with endlessly appreciating people but yeah, I loved this. Every bit of it. The series will soon end but I am waiting for the next one. All the love and appreciation 💕💕💕💕💕

helloooo jenna (can i call you that?)

i finally got around to answering this, even tho it was for part 62??? 😭😭

firstly, wow, thank you for reading the chapter not just once but thrice ? that makes me so happy in itself. thank you for liking that detail, i always write stories as movies, and so it's easier for me to mention these details which become so integral to the plot perhaps just through symbolism, or just scene set up.

yes !! hyunjin also has to be the one to hold himself back which is why he doesn't blame it on yn for being drunk 😭 and yes, nice catching onto the hyun detail, it was definitely a slip up, a habit from yns side because of how natural it is, but the fact that hyunjin didn't catch it, although it did subconsciously calm him down.

im glad you love seonghwa, he's so fun to write and yes at that point he did not know what happened between yn and hyun, or the break up, all he knows is that yn has feelings for hyunjin but isn't admitting them.

im glad you like the lake date, i always wanted to incorporate what happened at it and yes they are so cute with each other then but also so riled up haha, and no she doesn't mean public bj, she just means that she'll taste him before he gets to, whenever they do get home. 😭

im so glad you like how wooyoung's character development :)

im so so glad you think my writing is realistic, thank you for the beautiful compliments and the analysis, writing the yeonjun scene was heartbreaking but it was what would naturally happen.

thank you for saying that about hyunjin's character and pointing out all the reasons why he is a genuinely good person ! in an enemies to lovers, it can easily paint the other lead as toxic or mean but i hope the story justifies that isn't his personality, and just was his specific relationship with yn.

thank you so much for everything you wrote, it warms my heart truly and you inspired me so much from this. thank you for the kindness and for your honest words. 🥺🥺💓💓💓

[saevus-brutalis]

Vincent’s Glow Up

tagged by: @smilepal​

finally got a hold of my PC so i get to do this :^) been waiting for a whole ass week to be able to make this post

i don’t know how i feel about showing you guys my first early drawings of him from February since i was just starting to learn how to draw people and not just some animals, but let me tell you this man was  u g l y 😭

it’s gonna be a long post, so buckle up or just have fun looking at the pretty pictures

December 24th, 2020

I don’t have any screenshots of his first design other than those two photos I’ve taken of my screen to show my friends. When I tell you I was so proud of this man and thought that I made him look so good. 🤢 Yikes, not any more babes, look at you, disgust.

So at this stage, before the whole “V craze” (affectionately) started, and before I too became more invested in him and putting some effort into his lore, etc, he looked like an emo version of the V from the Cyberpunk 2077 trailers. Basically, I took the pre-made face setting, didn’t mess with them too much, and just changed his hair color to black, and for some reason got rid of the beard bc I thought the stubble would be more visible? Added some scars and tats and gave him inverted black and white cat eyes. Why did I think it was a good idea, I don’t know.

In conclusion:

basic 

no flavor 

kinda boring, not so good looking in the actual game

February 4th, 2021

I had to crop the image here bc it’s would be a crime for me to show you his face. 😭 Basically he’s a skinny-ass twink here. I don’t remember whether it was my initial intention (probably not, I think I just couldn’t draw more bulkier, muscular bodies quite right yet). Wanted him to have sleeve tattoos, but I was too lazy to actually design them so I just took some off google and pasted them over his arms 🤢 literal CRIMe, like what- 

At first, I envisioned him to be wearing tight vinyl lace-up pants (the same lace-up detail that Alt has). As for now I really don’t see him wearing any PVC clothing.

He still rocks his Valentinos “V” neck tattoo and it was really hard to draw, so I’m glad I changed that later.

Also, buzzcuts are so fricking hard to draw without making the character look bald. 🤡

February 16th, 2021

I managed to find some gifs of him that I made. I changed his eyes from the cat ones to those with white irises and stuck with them for a while. Changed his body tattoo for a snake. Mods weren’t really that popular and I didn’t know how to mod the game so I just did what I could with the pre-set options.

April, 2021

Here we fucking go. The first actual art piece/reference of him that I posted that still doesn’t look half bad even after all this time (and that’s saying something). This was how I imagined him to actually look, but I couldn’t really recreate that vision in the Cyberpunk character creator. The face (especially the jaw) is not perfect now that I look at it, but he still looks much better than the first sketches of him.

Added the steel jaw plates that I saw on one of the NPC in Lizzie’s Bar.

Changed his tattoo to this abstract design and got rid of his sleeve tattoos.

Here you can see he has a neck cyberware. Initially, it was supposed to be a voice-box regulator since he was writing and singing his own songs in his youth, so when he had enough money got this as his first cyberware, bc at that time he believed he’d make a career out of it. He didn’t, obvi, look at him killing people for fun money.

Added some scars on him, freckles, and beauty marks. The ones on his forehead arrange into a Serpens constellation. I don’t tend to draw them anymore bc they’re super annoying to place, I don’t ever remember where to put them so I just ignore them lol.

Made his hair a tad bit longer, just so they’d be easier for me to draw. 

But this haircut wasn’t really cutting it (no put intended) and sometimes he just looked like-  🤡

Also here you can also see three spikes on his upper cartilage - i got rid of those piercings bc I kept forgetting to draw them

May, 2021

Now, it was when my V got quite a bit of attention. It’s my most liked (i think) art of him with over 100 likes which was so fucking crazy for me at that time (and still is! Thank you!)

Redesigned his eyebrows, made them more thicker and pronounced - now they’re a key element of his design I always have to get the right shape of them, which tends to be quite a hassle at times, but I think I got used to drawing them now. Gave him some more piercings - a vertical labret, nose ring, and a stud.

I grew out his hair and swooped them back in a “swirly” manner idk. He kinda has a side part but it’s not visible most of the time. 

Here were some hairstyle alternatives for him, but now I just stick to the one on the left.

The cyber stitching on his forehead that can be seen in his earlier designs are actually from a hair transplant so his natural hair color isn’t actually black.

His natural hair color is red and on the far left, you can see me trying to design his old teen self and on the far right how he’d look in the future.

Below I tried messing with the Cyberpunk creator again for the sake of it. The picture on the right is the current version of him in the game and I hope the CDPR devs will add in an option for us to change our character’s appearance bc I really want to change his hair and beard but I don’t feel like completing the game for the 6th time lol.

July, 2021

And that leaves us with his current most recent design that I’m very happy with. Added shit ton of new piercings on his whole body (in total 40+). Got him some more face tatts and changed the arrangement of his ear piercings.

If you’ve read this far I love you and I want ot kiss you.

X

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

woke up angry at my ex again & kinda wishing I'd been as abusive and violent and anger-management-issues as they said I was lol,

(they said this about me pulling them by the wrist for 0.5 seconds 1 time, and also yelling at them when i lost my cool maybe two or three times, )

when really what i should have done was push him down the stairs and destroy his fucking phone, and THEN he would've had something to cry about

Idk I raised my voice at a guy I'd never met before yesterday cus I was NOT just gonna stand there and let a Ukip voter lecture me about racism 🤡 (ik he's a ukip voter cus my client told me, this was at work, my client is a poc and very much enjoyed the show when i schooled this guy, anyway there should be background checks on carers to make sure no disabled poc has to deal with racist carers but that's another matter entirely) Anyway it turns out that even old white men know how to shut up if you yell/growl NNNOOOOOO at them loudly enough, and I swear I wouldn't have had the backbone to stand up to this guy just a few months ago, and I definitely didn't when I was with my ex cus he deliberately kept me small and meek and compliant as much as he possibly could,

and maybe now that my anger and aggression are actually, finally manifesting in ways that are useful and can be productive,

I mean I wouldn't really go within 10ft (or 10 miles) of my ex these days cus I'd clock him as a toxic and probably narcy person, and someone I do Not want to be in a relationship with, but anyway he really thinks I was angry back then 😂, sweet summer child

I wasn't angry really, not the way I am now. I was just trapped and cornered and desperate, I was having all of my boundaries trampled every single day and he still wanted to tell me what I could or couldn't do with my new partner, a year+ after we broke up.

I was just in fight or flight mode. And my reactions were freeze or fawn more than anything and very, very occasionally he drew out the fight and then used that to claim I was abusing him. Lol

Ok yeah Covid meant we had to stay living together for much longer than was healthy but also I was perfectly ready to be civil and just not let it descend into the absolute shit show it became. it's not my fault that he had no interest whatsoever in being civil. it's not my fault he made me feel dread and anxiety 24/7 in his last 6 months here. it's not my fault he literally set things up for me to HAVE TO overhear him chatting shit about me and my friends on the phone to his new partner - which he was doing, also, like 24/7, and especially if I wanted to go to sleep and did not want vitriol from the room next door to permeate my dreams. I told him many times that this wasn't ok. He did it to our flatmates too. After being told it was a dick move and really upsetting, he doubled down and did it even more, now in flavours of Extra Loud and Extra Obnoxious. he was literally rapping (B A D L Y) about me being abusive outside of my room in the middle of the night on more than one occasion. which of these people sound more abusive to you? the one in their room, minding their business, escaping to their flatmates room for safety, escaping to work, escaping to the park to hang out with their new partner for the first time in 3 weeks at the start of the pandemic,

or the one outside the room at any and all hours of the day, on the phone constantly, Loudly speaking and singing and rapping about how the other one is abusive?

even if the one who's being sung about has lost their temper with the singing one in the past? on less than a handful of occasions?

Anyway I doubt my ex realises I'm back on tumblr otherwise I'd be fending off anons about how I'm "using my public platform to smear him" like when i vented on twitter to my 60 followers, never mentioning him by name lol. totally different from the callout post he put on his Facebook to his 3000+ friends of which we had more than 100 in common 🙃

anyway it's angry hours and if given the chance, I would definitely push him down a flight of stairs, so it's probably best for him to stay away from me forever.