#this is specifically about chip bastard

[ismellbitches]

Checking the JRWI Riptide Ao3 like I’m opening and closing the fridge repeatedly waiting for snacks to appear.

[madkiska]

watching the entirety of jrwi: riptide again. here's some important things from the first few episodes that I feel we forgot (<110 mentions too though)

Jay

Had night terrors similar to those of Kubakinta's curse in episode 5, and they eventually start returning even after Loffinlot's curse is lifted ○ All of them were about her family and/or the navy ○ I simply think people leave her out of the nightmare stuff and she deserves it. Hurt her more, please (he said, lovingly)

was actually very upset at having to use her medal to get a Loffinlot rebellion to shut up ○ This could be because she didn't want them to guess she was a spy, but I choose to believe it's because she felt guilty

"If you're gonna be sailing with someone, you should have a good relationship with them. [nervous chuckle]." She says, while asking him for information about the Black Rose Pirates (ep. 10)

Said "thank god they didn't find me" after a nightmare about the navy attacking. Even when she was supposedly a spy, who one day would have to return to the navy ○ Very unclear if she was scared of her dad, or if it's because she was a secret spy so the navy would've just killed her

Rewatching, she was suspiciously into the plundering and gold and stuff. Like that was real sus. It doesn't fit her current character much

The only one among them who's gambled before

Chip

The entire thing literally starts off with Bizly holding a lit match

Called Gillion "Gill" and Jay "Sureshot" from an early stage

Was SO much more of a bastard. Lied to Gill constantly, didn't care about anything but the money, etc.

Had aggressive hand tremors alongside Jay's night terrors ○ Gill cures it with lay on hands

When he gets drunk married, they talk extensively about how he'd be released when he's dead. Welp.

They did actually break up and it was fine and they were still friends. They parted on good terms

Is really fucking good at chess ○ Beat Earl twice and Jay once. Jay had a point of exhaustion after a nightmare but Earl had no excuse ○ Lost to Gillion though, but only cause of prophetic screwup ○ This kid is smarter than he lets on, y'all

Was the first one to have a backstory dump while Jay is asking him about the Black Rose Pirates, yet still we know jack shit about his life before them other than "orphan"

Gill

Charlie has referred to Gillion with 'they' many times. I can pull receipts.

When describing Gill, Charlie said: "He's more.. elven, if you had to make a comparison. 'Cause I don't wanna be a fish guy". Oh, honey.

Smote a bald person by using his hair as a whip (ep. 4)

Was given anxiety and self-doubt alongside jay's night terrors and chip's tremors ○ "What do you want?" "I want the feeling of satisfaction I've been chasing my whole life." ○ This was episode FIVE.

First mention of the prophecy and how Gillion wasn't their ideal student is ep. 7, after he divine smites + prophetic screwups and deals like 60 damage to some beetles ○ Chip spends the next 30 seconds in gay awe

He refers to the crescent moon Niklaus tattoo as "my zodiac" (probably a bit) ○ It's not a lil basic white girl moon this thing is the entire size of his forearm

Gill had never heard about the Black Sea - it's unclear if the Undersea just don't know, or if that's just how sheltered he was (ep. 10)

Biz: "What would Gillion do. If he just had no goal - was just sitting there." "Gillion always has a goal." "Would his goal ever be to just.. Sit there?" "Absolutely not." ○ Later, Chip expresses that he doesn't know what Gillion likes. What he would want out of winning a bet. Gillion doesn't have an answer

Other

Apple, in a couple of early battles, acted like Gill's familiar (see: ep. 7)

They also pecked at his Niklaus tramp stamp and looked all confused at the idea of eating seeds

The specific crescent of the moon in the Niklaus tattoo is known as a symbol of "corruption" (ep. 9) and its antonym is the sun, for "life", similar to the yin and yang ○ Interesting to consider after what the tree said in 110 <_<

Pretzel has a masters degree in couple's therapy (ep. 10)

The Albatross/Millennium Chipper was described as the colour of rosewood or mahogany

Captain Lizzie's first introduction was a wanted poster, and Chip wanted to turn her in for the prize, then decided to try learn from her instead

Chip/Bizly called Old Man Earl "Erol" for a loooong time ○ Maybe it's an accent thing but I have an uncle called Erol and so this stands out to me

[sturniolo-rat]

The High Life Part 1

Matt Sturniolo X Stoner!Reader

Part 2

A/N: because I need a babysitter when I’m high and this is generally how it goes.

Contains: fluff💕, daddy k!nk

TW: drug use

In which Matt babysits a high Y/N and she becomes submissive and breedable😏

“Matt, would you still love me if I was a worm?” Y/N asks, looking at him through a cloud of smoke.

He looks up from his game “You’re high as shit, but yes, I would, the fuck”? She’s always asking dumbass questions when she smokes. Matt doesn’t smoke himself, but he likes to be around to watch Y/N. Not only does she look really hot, but she becomes so baby, and he wants to take care of her. 

“Okay, but what would you do?” She looks up at him expectantly, looking for a very specific answer.

He turns in his chair. “I’d put you somewhere safe and find the wizard bastard that did this to you.”

Y/N shakes her head furiously. “No, there’s no wizard. The universe just took my human form back and decided I was actually supposed to be a worm.” She says, pulling the rolling tray onto her lap as she sits on the bed facing him crisscross applesauce.

“Alright, easy.” He claps his hands. I got this.” She pauses grinding her weed to lean in. This time, she’s hoping for a more pleasing answer. “I’m going outside every day, rain or shine, even if it’s a hurricane, and I’m screaming up at the sky and demanding the universe turn you back.”

Wrong again. “Oh, so you only care for my human body and not my worm body?” she says indignantly as she struggles to roll her joint.

He grabs her face and kisses her forehead. “Baby, please, you already know you’d have a 6-foot terrarium in our room” he takes her rolling tray off of her and starts fixing her shitty rolling. “but I know you’d be sad cuz you wouldn’t be able to talk. Hence my screaming at the universe.” He licks the end of the rolling paper and seals the joint up. “It’s all for you, my love.” And he holds the perfectly rolled joint out. He learned to roll for her recently. He can only roll joints thought because blunts are for losers, and Y/N doesn’t fuck with tobacco. 

She takes it from him, completely shocked. “Well,, I guess that’s nice of you?” Referring to his hypothetical screaming and his unhypothetical miracle joint rolling skills. “Since when did you know how to do anything even remotely related to drugs?” 

“Last week. I thought I would help my baby out in all her endeavors.” He cracks a smile, knowing he’s thoroughly impressed her. 

She spaces out for a few seconds, then Says, “Could I come outside sometimes?”

He nods, instantly, knowing that her brain just did a factory reset, and is talking about the worm hypothetical again. “Mhmm, I’d put you in my shirt pocket, and we’d go on dates, and I’d get you plates of dirt to eat.” This was not the answer she was looking for because it was so much better, and just so perfectly Matt.

“You’re amazing.”

He pats her head. “I’ll go get you some snacks and water, Lovie.” He leaves, and Y/N feels so comfy and loved. 

“Get my special cup, please!” she yells to the kitchen. The cup in question is a 40-oz stainless steel tumbler that says Daddy’s Girl. Matt knows she’s in subspace. 

When he comes back to the room, Y/N is all cuddled up in bed with the stuffed shark he won at the fair last month. He’s got her special cup in hand and his arms full of chips. He throws them all on the bed and hands over the cup. “Got your cuppy, Sweetheart.”

“Thank you, Daddy.” he never liked being called Daddy before he met Y/N. She just brings something out in him. When she’s around, he just wants to take care of her in every conceivable way. 

“Anything for you, Baby.” He sits beside her on the bed, and she lies her head on his lap. Matt feeds her chips as they watch Family Guy. It’s amusing watching tv with Y/N when she’s high because she can’t follow the plot story shit. He likes asking her what she thinks is happening and listening to her crazy, convoluted answers. 

Somehow, over the course of a couple of hours Y/N ends up sitting between his legs with her back against his chest. She cranes her neck and stares up at him for a while. His lips look so soft, and she can’t look away. Matt notices this and tries to focus her back on the show. “So, what do you think Brian and Stevie are up to right now?”

“D’know.” She shrugs and continues to look at him.

“Do you need something, baby?” He asks.

“Mhmm,” she said, shaking her head and biting her lip.

Matt knows exactly where she’s going with this. “What do you need,

Love. You have to tell me before I can help you.”

“I need you, Daddy.” with that, she opens up a whole new can of worms.

Smutty part 2

Masterlist

Taglist

[ragingbookdragon]

But Are You Really?

COD Boys x Reader Blurbs

**********************************************************************

Price:

She frowned at the guards before her who were too busy chittering to notice her. “Excuse me,” she repeated herself for what seemed like the millionth time. “I’m here to see Jon. Can you please call him?”

One of the guards looked at her and rolled his eyes. “Look love, we were born at night, but it wasn’t last night. Fuck off.”

“I’m telling you, he works here! Jon!”

“There’s a fuck-ton of John’s here, lady, be specific!” the other griped and before she could respond, a voice echoed across the gate.

“Missus Price!”

The guards spun as she made eye contact with the Scotsman jogging over; relief flooded her. “Oh, John, thank goodness.”

Soap looked over the guards. “Is everything alright here?”

One of the men snorted. “Ah, you must be the John she’s looking for, Sergeant. Keeps telling us a John is waiting for her.”

The Scot cocked a brow. “Because the Captain is.”

The two went white. “Wait—you mean, she’s…?”

“Captain Price’s girlfriend? She is.” Soap took her arm in his like a gentleman. “C’mon, Missus Price, I’ll take you to the Skipper.”

Gaz:

“I’m telling you that Kyle is my boyfriend,” she sighed for what seemed like the millionth time.

“Bullshit,” one retorted. “You’re too sexy for a guy like him.”

“First of all, sexy coming from you isn’t a compliment. Secondly, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? ‘A guy like him?’” she glared at them. “Kyle’s a fucking hero and one badass motherfucker who works hand-in-hand with the Captain Jonathan Price while your asses are sitting here guarding a fucking gate.”

The other guard held his gun and took a step towards her. “What did you just say to us?”

She inhaled sharply, suddenly aware that she was very much so unarmed against two armed guards. “I—uh, I—”

“There you are, babe, I thought you got lost.”

They turned to see Gaz coming through the gate, a grin on his face; her sour expression flipped into a dazzling smile, and she greeted him with a kiss that had the guards looking away, and Gaz blushing when they pulled away.

“Nah, the modeling shoot just took a bit longer than I thought.” She took his hand as he walked her through. “Wanna see the promo-shots?”

“Always.”

Soap:

She cocked a hand on her hip and glared at the guards. “Look, I’m not even going to try and be nice. Call John MacTavish down here now.”

“We aren’t privy to taking orders from civilians,” the guard griped. “Get lost, lady.”

“JOHN MACTAVISH! BRING YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!” she bellowed from outside the gates, cupping her hands to her mouth for added distance. “IF I HAVE TO COME IN THERE TO FIND YOU, I’M GOING TO—!”

The guards tried to shush her when a yell echoed from the courtyard, “OR YOU’LL WHAT!” they all spun around to see Soap stomping over. “BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND IS LIKE BEING IN HELL ITSELF!”

“OH, THAT’S RICH CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT YOU KEEP MY FUCKING APARTMENT SEVENTY-SIX WHEN YOU’RE THERE!”

The guards weren’t even going to try and pry the two apart as they yelled in each other’s faces about leaving the toilet seat up and forgetting to unload the dishwasher, but while she had that on him, he seemed to have the fact that she moved his shit around the apartment as revenge.

She tried to walk away, but Soap’s hand shot out and wrapped around her wrist, tugging her back over the base line and into the base. “You let go—”

“Aye, shut ‘ur trap,” he retorted. “Nattering like a fucking cicada in my goddamn ear. Might as well chatted it off.”

“Oh, you fucking bas—”

Ghost:

She could feel the weight of their stares on her, and their laughter chipped away at her mood. “I’m being serious,” she muttered. “Simo—Ghost, and I are dating.”

The guard cackled. “Yeah, and I’m the fucking Queen of England.” He waved her off. “That bastard doesn’t have a girlfriend. Look at him. He doesn’t even have any friends.”

Indignation shot through her, and she got up in the guard’s face. “Simon has friends. He has Price, and Gaz, and Soap. He doesn’t have many, but he does have friends. And he has me. I am Simon’s girlfriend.” Fear dripped in her veins as the guards seemed to stand offensively at her, and she added with her heart pounding in her chest, “And I’m as cowardly as they come, but if it came to it, I…I would lay down my life for him. The world needs Simon. I need Simon. He’s a hero and a better man than either of you.”

One raised their hand at her, either to strike her or intimidate her with a feint but his hand didn’t get farther than beside his head when someone grabbed it, spun him around and slammed him against the wall. “You gonna strike a civilian, soldier?” a cold voice rumbled behind his ear. “That’s an offense I’d see you punished for. Even more so for it being my lover.”

Her expression eased as she saw Ghost appear before her. “Simon,” she murmured, and his eyes darted to hers, softening a quick moment before turning frigid again.

“If you ever raise a hand to her again, I’ll cut it off and make you eat it one finger at a time. Am I clear?”

“Crystal!” the guard hurried and Ghost shoved him to the ground and secured a hand around her waist, bringing her over the gate.

“C’mon, love.” His voice was low and gravelly. “Sorry about that. Tried to come earlier but the meeting ran late.”

“You were there when I needed you,” she replied, leaning her head against his chest. “Like a knight in masked armor.”

He looked at her, eyes shining in a way that told her he was smiling at her.

[friccafracc]

DROP THE FIC OR IM COMING FOR YOUR KNEECAPS

ALRIGHT OK BUT I NEED IT TO BE KNOWN THAT I HAVENT WRITTEN ANYTHING SERIOUSLY SINCE HIGHSCHOOL OK

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Something is after me. I know it is, I’ve seen it. It looks like a man, but I know that it’s not. It…. It’s face is like a mockery of something human- like- like if you asked someone who has never seen a human to draw or model a person’s face, their smile. No… I don’t think any human would be able to get it that wrong.”

“And I’m not crazy, alright? God, y’all probably get that a lot here, don’t you? You people specialize in crazy. Not that I’m anyone to judge anymore, given the shit I went through before coming out here. I didn’t even know a place like this existed outside the Usher Foundation. I just…there’s some weird, crazy shit out there I guess, and when I heard about y’all, I figured I should probably pay a visit. At least let someone know before I die.”

“I know I’m gonna die.”

“I suppose I should start from the beginning. My name is Joshua Nelson, I’m originally from the States–Memphis Tennessee. Now, if there’s one thing you should know about Memphis, it’s that nobody in their right mind should EVER move there on their own accord, ‘cause you’ll either get mugged or stalked or both. I was born and raised there, so I never really got the choice during the formative years of my life. I’ve learned to live with it, though.”

“I worked retail in a gas station before…well, everything. It was a shithole. The kind of building where, no matter how hard you scrubbed and no matter how much bleach you used, the stains and smell of smoke would never leave. Instead just…mingled with the citrus of the chemicals. It paid the bills, though, and I was never witness to a robbery, so I couldn’t complain too much. The customers were docile and if I noticed anyone shoplifting, I kept it to myself. I wasn’t getting paid enough to give a damn.”

“We had regulars that would come in on a schedule and regulars that wouldn’t. People who were just passing through the city or visiting family or friends. You get all types in that kinda place, and if you’re placid enough to any asshole who’s having a bad day, everyone gets along just fine. There were a couple of regulars who were friendly enough, though, that I remember their names. Miss Kelly was an older woman, short and heavyset–she was one of the friendlier ones. We’ve got a lot of talkers in the south and boy did she make sure I knew every exact reason for what her kids were getting up to, or what was going on in a reality show she was hooked on at the time.”

“George Michael, a thin man in his 40s, maybe, always came in whenever he needed a new pack of cigarettes, I think he was a chain-smoker, cause he was in there a lot.”

“And then…then there was Hunter. Now Hunter was a younger man, maybe college age. A little older than that? Poor bastard was hooked on something, that much anyone could tell. He was gaunt, a little twitchy, you know, telltale signs of drug abuse. I could never tell what specifically he was on, but then again, it was never my business to know. I treated him the same as every other customer, we all knew he wasn’t gonna cause any harm, he usually came in for food, chips and hotdogs and stuff and he never caused a fuss.”

“I think… I think Hunter is dead.”

“One day he came in, I think it was a Wednesday or something cause it was slow that afternoon, and he burst through the door. Well–maybe not burst, but he came in the building like he was racing to get indoors first before someone else. The guy was usually jittery and, I’ll admit, a little shifty usually, but this was full blown paranoia. It startled me at first, his intensity, and he made a b-line towards the back of the store and ducked behind one of the shelves. Maybe not duck completely like ducking for cover, but it was obvious he was hiding. It almost made me expect the police or some drug lord to come storming through the door, but nobody else came.”

“Hunter stayed pacing in the building for a good 20 or 30 minutes, periodically lifting his head to crane his neck and peer out the window or the glass of the door. I checked once or twice as well, but if someone was out there, I didn’t see them. Eventually the guy calmed down enough to buy something and when he approached the counter with his bag of Doritos he looked almost like he was going to be sick.”

“I asked him if everything was alright, but he just shook his head and left.”

“I didn’t see him again for another week or two after that. Obviously I assumed the worst. I theorized that someone was after him and when he didn’t show up when he usually did it was more than enough to confirm my suspicions. Be it cops or some random person on the street, I couldn’t decide which fate would be worse, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel for the guy at least a little bit.”

“Hunter was almost completely out of my mind when I saw him again. I was surprised. By all accounts, it didn’t look like anything had changed about him. Maybe aside from the fact that his posture was way better than it usually was when I saw him, but other than that, nothing was out of the ordinary.”

“Business went on as usual and when he came up to the till with a liter of coke, I offered him a ‘Welcome Back’ and rang him up.”

“When I turned back to him, he was smiling. For some reason it was like a pit opened in the bottom of my stomach. I couldn’t understand why, though. It looked like Hunter–patchy, unkempt stubble, greasy hair, thin face, sunken eyes. His appearance had never bothered me before, so I was struck with confusion that mixed in with the undefinable, sudden sense of dread.”

“‘Thank you,’ he said as I handed him his change. And he walked out the door. It sounded like Hunter, too.”

“Hunter returned the next day, and the next. Each time he was polite and quiet, and each time he smiled when I rang him up. I counted his teeth. They were straight and flat. When I counted mine in the mirror when I smiled, I saw 17 or 18. Hunter’s counted 24.”

“Maybe he has a dental problem that I didn’t notice until now, I told myself. Human bodies are weird. Sometimes you have more teeth than usual.”

“The fourth day he came in a row, I saw his eyes and his pupils were…swollen, is the only way I can describe them. I know what people’s eyes look like when they’re high. This was not that. It was like they almost swallowed up his irises completely, and they were dull. Dull in the sense that the fluorescents overhead did nothing to cast any reflections onto them. It made me want to writhe and squirm whenever he looked at me.”

“I called in sick the fifth day. I knew Hunter would be back in that gas station to see me. I knew it was to see me. And I knew that thing. That..whatever it was. It wasn’t Hunter.”

“I guess a part of me was always dreading that day. I had always heard stories about people being stalked from friends of friends. It was only a matter of time before it happened to me, right?”

“I saw Hunter at the grocery store the next day, posture straight and face split open into that smile with too many teeth. I didn’t have the mind to be polite. I turned completely around and walked the other way, trying to fool myself thinking that he hadn’t seen me. I kept a pocket knife on me after that encounter. I probably should have been before, but hindsight is always 20/20.”

“Each time I saw him after that, it was worse. On the street to my apartment, his eyes were too wide and his grinning mouth was slightly agape. A crude facsimile of delight as I rushed past him. I stopped going into work when I started to spot him everywhere I went. Every destination no matter how far or random, he was there, grinning at me. He knew where I lived, that I had no doubt. So I went to a friend’s one night hoping to throw him off. Maybe I could move out and lose him. Lord knows I didn’t have the money to break my lease early, but I was desperate.”

“My friend suggested I call the police, but for some reason I was convinced that wouldn’t help. Cops usually only made things worse in that town, and I had a sinking feeling going that route would only waste my time.”

“The final straw was the second night I was crashing on my friend’s couch. I was exhausted, the past few weeks spent sleepless and paranoid and I was ready to finally pass out when I heard a light, rhythmic tapping on the window behind my head.”

“It’s just the wind, I thought to myself. A tree branch or something scraping against the glass. The exhaustion was completely gone, my pounding heart and pumping adrenaline overpowering any lame excuse that I would be stupid enough to be reassured by.”

“I didn’t move from where I lay. Tap. Tap. Tap. Came through the window once again.”

“I don’t know why I laid there for so long, unmoving, convinced that if I didn’t turn around, whatever it was outside would lose interest and leave. I really, really wanted it to leave.”

“I lay still for what felt like hours, every muscle in my body wound up and tense and ready to leap into action at any given opportunity. I was praying the opportunity would never come.”

“I don’t know how long it was when the tapping ceased, but it was long before I finally managed to relax. It seemed like my strategy worked. What an idiotic thing to think. Like I was a child hiding from an imaginary monster in the dark. Like the logic of not giving a stalker any attention so it would go away was sound. No. I think it was that false hope that landed me in this situation.”

“Because when that tapping came again, I wasn’t prepared to turn around. But I did. I turned around and what I saw in the darkness through that glass was… I don’t know what it was. I know it had eyes and teeth. It was grinning, but its teeth stretched well beyond what would be the borders of its face. God, I couldn’t see its face. I knew it was Hunter, though. It had those same lightless eyes that stared back at me every time I closed my own. Dead and dark and dull and staring at me–eating at me, wide and gleeful and spilling into the shadow that I could only assume was a part of the creature, itself. Its form took up nearly the entirety of the window, blocking the outside world. It didn’t move.”

“I screamed. I screamed and closed the curtains and I hid. This woke my friend of course, and she came stumbling out of her room, looking bleary but alert. I tried to signal to her not to go to the window or do anything or to call the police. Thankfully she got the message and the cops were there within the hour.”

“They didn’t find anything. Or anyone, for that matter. I left out the…the monster bit, because I assumed it might land me somewhere I really didn’t want to go.”

“They were about as helpful as I thought they would be. Told me to call them again if I noticed any suspicious activity.”

“I booked my flight here that very night. I wasn’t going to stay in that goddamn city with whatever the HELL that thing was. I don’t want to end up like Hunter. I don’t want it to wear my skin.”

“It will, though. I know it will and it scares me more than anything in the world. And I know I can’t escape it, either.”

“It followed me here. I saw it. It was still grinning at me and it was still. Wearing. Hunter’s. Skin. The shadow that was cast over it made it so I could only see the whites of it’s eyes....its teeth.”

“I don’t want to die.”

[plantwriting]

Hello. List of what animals I believe each just roll with it pc I know would be. I am objectively correct but if you disagree please tell me anyways I crave other people’s opinions to steal.

Riptide

Jay: a bird, obviously. Saying she’s a jaybird is easy and low hanging fruit and extremely valid. Personally I think she’s maybe a corvid since very smart but also absolute fucking menace. Honestly? Could be a seagull. Loud and lives near water and also smart but also? Absolutely insane. Yeah sure I could say she’s something cool like an eagle or whatever but I think in our hearts we all know she’s a seagull.

Gillion: of course he is a sea creature! But what kind? Fish. More specifically? Swordfish. Of course. What else could he be (he could be a shark but shhhh im saving that one for later)

Chip: the bastard man himself! Which animals are the biggest bastards? Raccoons. Yes I am basic. He’s either a raccoon or a little dog. I am specifically thinking my mom’s 11 year old small dog who yells at men and tries to pick a fight with every single dog that is larger than her. That’s some Chip energy right there.

Goobleck: bro who knows like what the hell is that thing i do not. Hes whatever he ate most recently. Bros fursona is just straight up slime. He is an enigma.

Prime defenders (+Ashe I don’t care that technically he was just a guest he deserves to be here)

William: ravens, black cats, bats, butterflies, snakes, crows. All associated with death which makes sense for our little ghost guy! But of course we can’t forget wolves! He has two wolves inside of him after all. But also? He is not cool enough to be a wolf. That man is a black cat with a dream and sharp sharp claws.

Vyncent: I think it would be funny to call him a rat. Since he eats them. And also he just kinda is a rat. But no, I believe he is a deer. Don’t really know why, just….. vibes.

Dakota: my beloved son. He’s a yappy little dog. Bouncing all over the place and screaming at evil-doers. I believe in him.

Ashe: strong cat energy. Is william already a cat? Yes. But so is ashe. He’s like a fully gray cat with short hair :)

Apotheosis

Rumi/Elena: fox! Because Sunny :) also because I can’t really think of an animal that would be a good representation for an identity crisis

Peter: “lizard” no. Peter Sqloint is a mouse. Just a lil guy. I’m right fuck you he. Is. A. Mouse.

Thanatos: spider! Kinda scary and lots of people dont like but in reality just an awesome dude. Shoutout to my friend’s pet spider Mörkö I love them

Blood in the bayou

Rolan: shark!!!! Im right and i need to say it. That man is a fucking shark. I love sharks. Sharks are generally misunderstood as violent and evil but they are just lil guys. Fits Rolan being an evil alien monster but just also a lawyer. (Also i just really like sharks)

Rand: y’all ever cry about pigeons? How we domesticated them and then abandoned them when we didnt need them anymore? How they dont even know how to make proper nests because they didnt need to for so long? Yeah. Im normal about this campaign.

Kian: he’s so hard to figure out because like…….. honestly? In canon? Weve got no fucking clue what his personality is actually like. We dont get a single moment with all the masks off and just the person underneath. The closest we get is him admitting that hes not really a rockstar and even that is so short and just. Auehgeh. This is why im obsessed with him btw i love a mystery i know will never be solved. Also so much room for headcanons. Is he a cat? A butterfly? A dog? A snake? A songbird? A dove? Something else? I dont know!! Lets go with a moth

The suckening

They are all cats. I mean c’mon. Emizel is a feral street cat that hisses at everyone who gets too close. Shilo is an indoor cat with an anxiety disorder. Arthur is their mother. Im correct.

[scr11bles]

Could I please get a RED Spy x Female BLU Medic Reader frappuccino with a side of cheesecake, and some shortbread and chocolate chip cookies? Could I also place an order for something you don't seem to have in stock?

(What I’d like is for this to take place during the robot wars. Reader was trying to help everyone regardless of what team they were on originally but Spy keeps pushing her away because their relationship was very antagonistic back when RED and BLU were fighting. But something happens and Reader goes MIA forcing Spy to admit that he actually loves her. Reader comes back just in time to hear him confess. Feel free to ignore this if it's too much. 😙)

order up for @faal-verotiik ! wanna order something for yourself? here's the menu!

- frappuccino: "Can we skip the fight this time, please?" + cheesecake: enemies to lovers + shortbread cookie: angst + chocolate chip cookie: fluff

a/n: i love this request so much! also this is a perfect representation for what i thought out of stock requests to be described as, thank you so much :3

word count: 1,432

cw: little bits of angst and fluff

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Spy wasn't known for feelings; at least sentimental ones. None of the mercs were, but you just had to be different. In the very beginning, Spy didn't give two shits about you, simply thinking of you as the Blu Medic's foolish apprentice and would merely go on to take his chance whenever he had the opportunity to backstab you. Something that did intrigue him ever so slightly was how you would react to him when and after he killed you.

You weren't like the others. You sometimes stood there and let it happen, usually not putting up a fight and just accepting your fate of being caught of guard. Even weirder? You weren't sour after it after. Sure, he would find you with a small frown on your face coming back from the respawn room, but you weren't out for his blood for the rest of the match like the rest of your Blu teammates were whenever they got backstabbed by him.

"You must be a stupid little thing, mon chaton. This business isn't for the passive."

The Frenchman had you in a sharp chokehold during a specific match, growling into your ear with his silky smooth voice as he holds his butterfly knife to your back, just above where your heart rests. Without getting a word in he thrusts his knife into your back, grimacing as your blood gets on his suit and blends in with the red of the fabric. Spy lets your lifeless body go and watches it crumple to the ground, frowning as he turns to start walking and cloaks himself. That should get you mad, a little rough teasing would make any human turn sour. He just knows it.

And his method worked, you were mad, falling for his little trap and dying to him a couple more times during that match from your rage-clouded vision. Though, it wore off quicker than he's seen in your team members, and even his own. Spy would be lying if he said he wasn't interested, and dare he say it, a little impressed at how easily you can recover from provocation. His little hatred-like infatuation lasted for long, and it still has, though its digressed now, and the fact that he's been working along side you has honestly made it worse.

The unlikely partnership of the Red and Blue team's when the machines came to attack was already on thin ice, but in all honesty, Spy didn't care all that much. Sure, it irked him that he had to ally with the same miserable bastards that he's been killing for years, but he got through it with his usual poise and class. Though, that tranquil mindset was destroyed when he kept running into you in the field during a fight, internally cursing you when you would run to his aid and heal him with your medigun and sweet words.

"You have better things to do, stop playing nurse and actually fight like the rest of us."

Spy would hiss those words at you when you even tried to get close to him to heal him, metaphorically (and sometimes literally) pushing you away from him. Even with Spy's brash behavior, you still stayed close, giving him extra care than the other mercs that you took care of on the field. Spy hated it; and after a particularly grueling fight against the machines, you rush to his side when you see he has a solid bullet wound shot through his shoulder. You bring your medigun up to fix the wound but stumble back as Spy slaps away the machinery, the sound of it clattering to the floor making you flinch.

"Chose inutile. When will you learn to get away from me? I don't need your damned help."

Even after Spy had said those words he knew that was wrong, his integrity crumbling inside of him as he registers what he had said. The Frenchman watched with sharply narrowed eyes as you retreated back a few steps, looking at him like he was a monster sent from hell. And maybe at that point to you, he was.

You walk off without a word, simply picking up your medigun and not looking back as you walk away to tend to the other members of the team. Good riddance- is what Spy wanted to say, but he'd be damned if he would admit to feeling just a little bit guilty about yelling at you and acting so rudely.

Spy's feelings only started to increasingly become worse for the next few battles due to you not even looking at him, or him not even seeing you once on the battle field. It made him angry, the way you avoided him. Sure, it was hypocritical but he missed you. Badly.

It all went to shit immediately, the waves of robots wouldn't stop coming, and everyone on the field was in a frenzy to stay alive, the Frenchman included. Spy ducked and covered behind a dilapidated wall of a building that had been blown to hell, turning his cloaking on and running out into the field to get a vantage point on the enemy. When he got to a high enough spot, Spy overlooked the battlefield, gauging where each of his teammates were and where the numerous numbers of enemies were coming from.

From the vantage spot, Spy saw you- for the first time in days, he saw you. Spy couldn't believe the way his heart skipped a beat, making him take a double take and look back at you, watching with bated breath as you fought off a machine variant of yourself to get to the Red Heavy as he was being onslaught with gunfire. Spy could only watch in a state of shock as a bullet ripped through your shoulder, your blood painting the ground of the battlefield. Without even realizing it, Spy started to make his way back down from his high ground to run and help you, but when he gets back to the ground all he sees is a trail of blood leading around the corner.

Spy follows the trail, a large explosion racking the nearby building and causing large pieces of scrap metal and concrete to fly through the air. As Spy turns the corner all he's faced with is rubble, your medigun broken and dented on the floor next to the smoldering rubble.

The trail of blood ran under the rubble.. Your trail of blood. That means-

"Merde! No- No!"

Spy sprints to the rubble, sliding to his knees and starting to haphazardly dig into the rubble, shifting away a large piece with all of his strength. After shifting a large piece Spy's breath hitches in his throat as he sees a piece of ruined fabric sticking up from under the cement and ash. Spy grabs the fabric, tugging it up at feeling a sour taste fill his mouth. It's your coat, your class insignia sewn into the sleeve reddened with blood.

"No- Mon chaton! S'il te plaît! Please!

Spy grips the fabric and tugs it close to his chest, cursing to himself as he feels tears prick the corners of his eyes. How pathetic, crying over the girl he hated and pushed away.

"Je suis désolé. Je suis vraiment désolé. I-I-"

Spy chokes on his words, letting his tears drip onto the tattered scraps of your coat.

"Spy..?"

The Frenchman freezes, furrowing his eyebrows and whipping around to follow the sound of.. Your voice? There you were, without your coat, leaving you with just your undershirt and a crude bandaged wrapped around your shoulder.

"Spy what're you- Wait are you cryi-"

Your sentence doesn't even get past your lips as your wrapped into a tight hug by Spy, the Frenchman squeezing you for all you're worth. Spy pulls back from the brisk hug, keeping his hands resting on your waist as he looks down at you.

"Mon ange, I'm so sorry. What I said- it wasn't right."

Spy's grip on your waist tightens, almost afraid of you disappearing in front of him despite his hold. You thrash against his grip when you come to your senses, frowning and taking a step back from him while giving him the sharpest glare possible,

"Let's skip the fight this time, s'il te plaît."

Spy gives you the sorriest look he can muster, and damn if you couldn't resist when he gives you a look like that. With a sigh you walk back towards the man, slowly bringing your hand up and placing it on Spy's chest, his racing heartbeat thumping against your palm. You smile up at Spy, the sight after so long of not seeing it making his heart feel as if it was going to explode.

"You'll forgive me, won't you?"

Spy brings his hand up to cup your cheek, his gloved thumb brushing against you bottom lip before he pulls you in for a sweet kiss, the connection of your lips akin to electricity. How could you say no when he says it so sweetly?

----------๑♡⁠๑------------

uhh here it is i hope you like it!! i struggled so hard with this request but i think its okay in the end (plus it was good practice)!!

[toshidou]

oddly specific british hcs . . .

characters // the 141 (simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, kyle "gaz" garrick, john price)

an // don't ask me what this is, because i really don't have an answer for you. my brain just spat this out at me mid walk and for some reason i decided to post it here. i am so sorry.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

He's scared shitless of Year 7s, despite knowing full well that he was one of those little bastards when he was a kid. Not much puts the fear of god into him, yet something about a group of little shitheads who think they own the world has him crossing to the other side of the street at the sight of them.

Got suspended from school one time for stealing one of the dildo's from the RE classroom and supergluing to the seat of the kid who tried to bully him.

Got good grades at school. Not because he put in the effort, but because he stole all the exam answers from his teachers desk and spent the night before the exam memorising it all. "Work smarter not harder" was his motto.

Once got lost in a Primark. He was only looking for some cheap sleep wear, and ending up somewhere stuck between rows of Disney clothes and screaming children on leashes.

Has an unhealthy obsession with Monster energy drinks, he once drank so many in a row he went temporarily blind in his left eye. Still drinks them to this day.

John "Soap" Mactavish

He once had a full on mental breakdown in ALDI because the cashier was scanning things too quickly and he couldn't keep up.

Has started several fights in pubs because someone insulted Iron-Bru, both Simon and Price have had to drag him out of nearly all of them kicking and screaming garbled Scottish insults.

Used to dip his sherbet dib dab in dirt as a kid.

Once got in trouble in maths class for spelling "80085" on his calculator and laughing so hard he pissed himself.

The only time he laughed that hard again was when the Queen kicked the bucket. Price looked nothing short of disturbed.

If one more person comes up to him and yells "DISGUSTANG" in an exaggerated and shit Scottish accent, he's going to commit serial arson.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Went to private school, and gets bullied for it by the entire 141 as soon as they find out. They rib him even harder after they find out he was head boy.

Got invited to a night out in London by one of his rich acquaintances from school, which ended up being The Box. That night single-handedly gave him more PTSD than any mission he's ever been on.

Has personal beef with Percy Pig after he almost choked to death on one, and to this day he will never live it down that Ghost had to give him the Heimlich.

Has an unhealthy addiction to the Spice Girls. Sometimes he forgets he lives on a military base and still sings "Wannabe" at full volume in the showers. He's had to swear Soap to secrecy on numerous occasions.

His favourite Spice Girl is Scary Spice.

Captain John Price

His biggest guilty pleasure is listening to Take That. He'd first heard them first thanks to his mother being worryingly obsessed, and started mockingly singing along to their songs on brief phone calls from his barracks after he'd first joined. Little did he know that soon he too would unironically love their music. And yes, he cried when Robbie left the band. It's a secret he's taking to the grave.

Hates Waitrose with a burning passion, he once threw a fit over the price of a packet of peanuts and scared the middle-aged woman and her baby two aisles down.

Saw Gaz choking on a Percy Pig, and then proceeded to buy him every available Percy Pig related merchandise for Christmas.

Loves vinegar on his chips from the chippy, and when he found out the smell makes Soap gag, suddenly he loves his chips drowning in it.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

We need to talk about the most important thing yet, what their favorite Junk food? And I mean the family...

For this ask, we gotta head back into the modern Jake Sully wheelchair au.

Jake and Neytiri are health freaks.

I've said before, they like to do all sorts of things. Before they had children they were spontaneous backpackers and thrill seekers, attempting to do the most all the time. It was like all about proving to everyone (and also Jake) that he could still do anything anyone else could, but also about Neytiri getting out and seeing the world instead of being stuck at home.

That being said, Jake can really fuck up a bag of cape cod potato chips. Not as unhealthy as other junk food, and so classic American.

Neytiri is one of those bastards that gets raisins as a treat for the movies. Nature's candy and all that. She has a weakness for chocolate though, specifically those lindor ones with the soft insides. She'll only ever have like one or two, and one time Jake bought her chocolate covered raisins and almonds and it was over. If those are in the house she will sniff them out like a bloodhound.

Neteyam likes takis, because he is cultured and has taste.

Kiri is also a chocolate covered almonds person, but she also really likes hot cheetos.

Lo'ak threw up in the car once after eating a fuck ton of hot cheetos, and now he can't even look at them without getting nauseous. It's half the reason Kiri likes hot cheetos. In retaliation, he likes those absolutely disgusting beef jerky sticks, because Kiri is a vegetarian and the smell makes her loose her hot cheeto appetite.

Spider is regular and doesn't base his favorites around the hatred of his siblings. He just also likes takis, but has to compete with Neteyam subtly by only eating the blue heat ones. Neteyam is weak for liking the regular ones better.

Tuk likes almost all junk food, but she is particularly fond of marshmallows burnt to an almost inedible crisp. Lo'ak makes them best.

Mo'at and Sylwanin think Neytiri is not fully appreciating the fun that is junk food. This is a battle Sylwanin fights daily, as Tsu'tey is also a raisin man. He and Neytiri could hold seminars on the destructive junk food industry. That being said, he prefers a dried mango strip to raisins any day. Dried apricots? He goes crazy. His guilty pleasure is definitely the occasional sugary cocktail though. Jake, Tsu'tey, and Eytukan could DEMOLISH some boxed wine, they could get absolutely smashed on only Sex on the Beaches. Margaritas, Dirty Shirleys, Sangria, any super colorful ladies drink: that is their shit. If it has little squares of fruit and a tiny umbrella in it, the night is going sideways.

Mo'at is partial to those little chocolate nut clusters, you know the ones. Those really delicious ones. She also is one of those grandmas with bowls full of candy all over the house, and is constantly popping tictacs.

Sylwanin (who prefers a strong whiskey, or maybe a shot of fireball, to a sugary cocktail) enjoys sour patch kids. She is more of a sour person than a sweet one. Jake has said this before, and she tipped him from his chair into the pool. Neytiri didn't speak to her for the rest of the day because he could've not been ready and been hurt, but Jake laughed so hard pool water came out his nose.

Eytukan likes those little chocolate peppermint candies, the Andes ones. He has the best taste of all, I'm telling you.

[prototypelq]

The Most Unreliable Narrator I Have Ever Seen

soooooo I had a Cyberpunk-obsessed phase pass recently, and this time Johhny Silverhand's character caught my eye. His story, more specifically, and how... inconsistent he seems, depending on each source.

In the game, Johhny acts like a bastard for most of the game. He panic-rages on his first meeting with V, throws many threats around, but is later beaten into the background with the blocker pills Misty gave to V. Even Johnny's friends' are well, they react Loudly to his return. Y'know, make it known his presence alone provokes a lot of anger from them.

Even during his first appearance, when V gets thrown into Silverhand's memories of his SAMURAI concert, the only real thing V recalls is the all-consuming rage that he felt, which he tried to shout out through the microphone, but it never felt like enough.

And doesn't this sound weird then, that the only thing Johnny does throughout the game after that first meeting is help V out? He learns about the Smasher guy hideout at the docks (he does that through dubious means but that's Johnny for you), he helps V out when the seizures become worse, he calmly agrees to Any decision V makes, despite V clearly Not being in any real state to oppose him in the finale of the game, he plans the whole thing with "Alt" so V can get his body back at Johnny's own expense, from the beginning, and he doubles down on that claim at the end of the game.

Do you see the dissonance? The egoist rockerboy that admitted to using his friends to getting what he wants, and the downright self-sacrificing hero and a friend that is Johnny at the end of the game? People change, sure, but this divide is very massive and too sudden, so I wanted to dig into that. And what I've stumbled upon, with the help of canon Cyberpunk materials like the Red sourcebook (or, more specifically, LayedBackGamers' reading of the canon books and his lore videos on different topics), is that

Johhny Silverhand from Cyberpunk 2077 is the Most Unreliable Narrator I've Ever Seen.

Count with me here:

Johhny's personality in general. No matter what your interpretation of him his, it's impossible to ignore that Johhny is very much a people person and he exploits that knowledge and charisma to suit his own goals. If you choose to trust him, then you might have already been played.

2) Johhny has been alone, only his lovely self for 50+ years inside the Arasaka chip. Don't ask me how he is still even remotely sane, I haven't got a clue (hopefully the time as a construct without outside stimulation flies differently and he hasn't felt those 50 years in real time). The thing to mention here, however, is that, being alone with your thoughts and emotions for a long time, having nothing else for entertainment, is a great opportunity to rewrite your own memory of events or emotions you've felt.

3) Lack of a body. The aforementioned constant rage, that was the dominant emotion is Johnny's life (before Alt, at least, if Never Fade Away is anything to go by, and I mean, that's literally a love ballad), is a symptom of his PTSD from his too-young years serving in the corpo war, same as his signature silver hand. I'm not a specialist here, but I do know PTSD, especially for war veterans, is a physiological illness just as much as it is a mental one. Johnny's body literally had trouble living normally after that experience, and knowing this bastard - he never managed to treat that. Existing as a personality construct frees him from the many bonuses of being corporeal, but it also free him from the physiological side of PTSD. His day-to-day existence is fundamentally different from that of the Johnny Silverhand that the world knew 50 years ago, so yes, as a 'time traveler' or a source of information and comparison about the 70's and 20's of cyberpunk world Johhny is not a good source.

4) The chip with Johnny is literary inside the head of another person. The characters in game question, multiple times, just which decisions is V making on his own, and which of them might be Johnny's doing. Not consciously, no, but V and Johnny are clearly not your simple neighbours. They are not your 'close friends that start subconsciously copying each other' too. It is quite possible that the chip with Johhny is adapting to the 'hardware' it is running on, so it is specifically implementing parts of V's personality into Johnny, to minimize the 'friction' between the personality and the body it is supposed to inhabit. Everyone say hi to existential horror)

5) How does Soulkiller ever work? Is there data on how much the resulting engram actually resembles the person it tried to copy? How did the process of copying Johnny go? I can answer the last one - very badly.

Death of Johnny is told in excruciating detail in the Cyberpunk sourcebooks. Johnny died on the floor of Arasaka tower, torn in two by a shotgun blast from Smasher. There is no information on how much time it takes Soulkiller to create the engram from the brain, but it better have finished doing that before Johnny's brain started dying from a lack of blood and oxygen, and he clearly didn't have much time either, considering bisection is not the best for bodily fluid preservation, so it's a wonder the engram even works properly. Plus, during the initial heist to steal the chip with Johnny, the chip was damaged further before the idiots decided to stick an unknown harddrive into their heads to preserve it. Basically, it's nothing short of a miracle, that engram-Johnny is actually a whole damn person, that he can function, think and feel properly (well, as much as Johnny can do those things)

It is very sad that V can't talk to Johnny about this, as the man does blame himself over things he hasn't even done, and he had done enough emotional damage to himself and people around him without that kind of burden on top of it.

6) Johnny's memories are literally false. The attentive reader had to pick this up in my previous point - didn't Johnny die in the hands of Arasaka after they interrogated him? Nope. Nope, and I can say that confidently because,

(drumroll please)

Cyberpunk tabletop sourcebooks! Mike Pondsmith, the creator of the Cyberpunk universe and the TTRP series of games, has worked closely with CDPR writers during the production of the 2077. He oversaw everything, and he says that 2077 is in the same cyberpunk universe too, it's not an 'alternate reality' or anything.

Johnny Silverhand died while trying to buy time for his friends to escape, from a shotgun shot from Adam Smasher. That's it, he died on that floor, there was noone to interrogate, no rooftop helicopter he ran for.

The sequence of 'memories' we see from Johnny's POV in the game is a mishmash of two different assaults on the Arasaka towers, yes towers there were two of them. There is a great video explaining all the small and Major details Johnny's version of events got wrong, because we have the sourcebooks and the text inside. You may accuse me of holding a 'holy canon' argument ... and well, yeah, this is kind of holy knowledge, as it was written for gamemasters.

Still, some of the things in Johnny's version are Major, and while the media certainly covered the whole story extensively with corpo propaganda (oh, btw, Johnny didn't bomb anything, he probably didn't even know there was a nuke involved, he is literally just a scapegoat), there are some holes that a citizen of this world might know and wish to poke. The aforementioned Two Arasaka towers, or the absence of the legendary solo Morgan Blackhand from Johnny's story. Interestingly enough, there is a radiostation of Maximum Mike in-game, who is actually just pretty much Mike Pondsmith, and he does propose a couple of questions the 'official' version of the attack doesn't cover (like, where would a rockerboy even get a nuke, he might have been popular, but that's not just something you find without military contracts, and that means corporations). Another thing is that since Arasaka owns Soulkiller and has had the engram for a couple of decades, it is quite possible they are the ones responsible for messing with Johnny's memories.

So uh, yeah, Johnny is the Most Unrealible Narrator I have ever seen. Johnny of 2077 is most certainly not the Johnny of 2020's, but this might be a good thing. Maybe the 'real' 2020's Silverhand could never have made the progress the engram did, or become such a good friend and companion for V, or maybe he could have done those things too. We'll never know. I really love this story anyway.

[mafiasliege]

I dare you to let me go

(this is part 6 of my fic. Thought I'd feed y'all a little early. Enjoy reading!)

Part 5 ↓

JAMESON

Oren was here. So was Grayson. After getting yelled at, Avery left. She looked so sad and forlorn, he couldn't bear to look at her. Grayson took the first chance to talk to Jameson alone,

"what are you doing, Jamie? What do you have planned?" Jamie translated that to mean 'when are you going to come home?'

"I have planned, let me check, oh yes! Nothing," he said, using his signature smirk as a shield.

Grayson opened his mouth, then closed it, waited. "Are you breaking up with her?"

The eye contact was more than enough for an answer.

"I need space. I'll come back, don't worry about me."

------------------------------------------

That evening, when boredom overtook him again, Jameson found himself back at the devil's mercy. He'd gotten himself an apartment in London specifically for this reason. He genuinely enjoyed being a member. It was also the one place he couldn't be followed by Avery, or run into her. Zella wasn't here today, neither was Simon or anyone he knew, except Rohan. That bastard would jump at any chance to peeve him.

"I really should have placed a bet on the likelihood of you breaking up with Ms. Grambs. Would've filled my pockets."

God, he was infuriating. Why had Jameson come here?

"And I should have placed a bet on the likelihood of you shutting up, Rohan, would've filled my purses."

"Always the defender, Ms. Sinclair."

Jameson hadn't realised when a woman had come and sat next to him.

She was wearing the same historical garb-like dress every woman around here wore. Her long dark blonde hair fell in waves over her shoulders, which was unnatural around here, considering the few women that were there were too prim and proper to keep their hair as such. It was a minor detail, but one that made him feel she liked to defy.

Jameson spoke for the first time in a while, "Not that you would need the money, anyway, I presume."

The way she answers that was a clear insight into her. Most people here were money-hungry, or power-hungry, or greedy, prideful, meek- many distinguishing factors. Truthfully, Jameson had everyone in the room pegged about 4 seconds after he met them. Not this woman though, and it was unsettling him.

She just looked down at her cards that dealt her in and smiled.

She looked at him, still smiling grimly, then leaned in, "your attempt at trying to read me through my answers is… run-of-the-mill, at best."

That stole Jameson's attention. It surprised him. Things hardly surprised him anymore. It felt nice, except his mind reverted back to a certain ex-girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend. It still didn't sound right to him.

"You need to read people instantly after you meet them because you're scared they'll show their true colours later, surprise you, and make you feel stupid and ordinary."

That struck him like an arrow. The woman, however, seemed to genuinely regret saying that, "apologies. I seem to have gone too far," she amended.

"A psychologist?"

"Just an underestimated woman, I'm afraid."

Who is she?

"Cinq" she suddenly uttered.

"What?"

"The cards. Cinq. I win." She looked at Rohan who nodded and handed her the chips.

Before he could add to that, she got up, "I'm running late, boys. Like always, I'll see you soon."

She pulled out a card.

"Though I'd like to see you sooner."

She had a mischievous glint in her eye, and before long, it was gone with her.

Jameson put it in his wallet and forgot about it. There was a lot of healing to do before moving on.

------------------------------------------------

Jameson dreamt of Avery again that night. Even after saying his goodbye, she still haunted him everywhere he went. Every 5"6' brunette on the street, every coffee cup from her favourite coffee shop in London. He hadn't even changed his wallpaper that was a candid of her laughing.

And that was the problem. She was still… her. So her. Just too burdened. But that wasn't an excuse.

Avery was… calling him. Wait

Avery's calling me.

"Hello?"

"I'm outside."

"Avery, please. Just leave me-" Jameson said, walking toward her standing outside.

With a hot air balloon.

"Hop on."

"We're broken up."

She looked like someone had just stabbed her. How many times was she going to make him repeat the same painful thing?

"One date. Just one, please."

He sighed, "why?"

"Why won't you let me go? The you I've seen the last few years would've been about as interested as a porcupine is cuddly."

"I can't. I can't even think of letting you go. I have so many versions of my dreams for the future, and they all end up with you. I chose you a long time ago. I want to choose you again and make you feel it too."

"Just one date, mystery boy. I'm begging you."

-----------------------------------------------

Avery might just be better than Jameson at planning dates. It was perfect.

Staring with the hot air balloon ride where he had to take over because she almost crashed them down. Bunjee jumping in Perthshire. Abseiling. An insane game of dares. Ending with them sunbathing on the shore of the cove, with chocolate-covered strawberries and stars in a bottle.

"I liked today. Wait, no. I loved today" he might still have his reservations, but he needed to tell her that. She held his hand and squeezed it gently.

"Me too." After silence and a few more strawberries, "Will you please come back with me now? We really need to be home."

Jameson's relaxed face suddenly adopted a frown.

"Why? What's so important that we need to go back?"

"I can't stay away too long."

"It's been, like, 4 days." Avery said nothing. Jameson abruptly got up. She did too.

"This is just a chore to you isn't it? An inconvenience."

She went pale again, "No. Jameson, no. I came all the way here looking for you, trying to get you back."

"I never told you to. But what your doing right now? It's worse."

"I waited for 5 years before choosing myself for once, Avery, and you're tired in 4 days? Do you think you can get your heart broken with every perfunctory kiss and every interaction merely a formality, and live with it?"

"I did not mean it like that when I said I want us to go home. I just want things to be the way they were, Jamie, please."

"No. You need to leave. For good."

[jrwi-fanapalooza]

And now I Present to you:

Statistics of the JRWI kissing submissions, for the nerds of the fandom

In total, there were 166 submissions; 53 of which were unique characters

11 Characters were submitted more than 4 times:

Queen: 12 submissions (7.2 % of all submissions)

Chip: 12 submissions (7.2 %)

Jay: 10 submissions (6%)

Rumi: 8 submissions (4.8%)

Gillion: 8 submissions (4.8%)

Caspian: 7 submissions (4.2%)

Peter Sqloint: 6 submissions (3.6%)

Kian Stone: 6 submissions (3.6%)

Timothy Rand: 6 submissions (3.6%)

Amanda Rinn: 5 submissions (3%)

Aslana: 5 submissions (3%)

Together, those characters make up 85 submissions, or 51.2% of all submissions (which is to say that 11 of the 53 characters made up HALF of the submissions)

The three characters that had the most variation in their submissions (different spellings, capitalizations, or nicknames) were:

Jay with 7 variants

Gillion with 6 variants

Chip with 5 variants

A few notable individual submissions:

JAY FERIN RAAAAHHH

Niklaus Hendrix (the babygirl ever)

Chip the Bastard

gillion tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, Pigeon Lord, The One, Warrior of Rock and Roll, Singer/Songwriter of Gillion and the Tidestriders' hit single "The Hole in Your Heart", Moisture Master, Horse Tamer, Defenestrator of the Adulterous, Friend of Dugon, Dugon's Best Friend, Walking Fish, Fish, Dirt Eater, Chum of Chibo and Chums, Co-Captain Gill of the Riptide Pirates, Co-captain of the Albatross, Companion of Pretzel, Paramount Champion, Knighter of Julian That One Time, Pretzel Carrier, Leviathan Tamer, Serpent Rider, Brother of Dugon, Healer of the Sick, Friend of Duke D Dukem Duke of Dooke, Eater of Grass, Beater of Ass, Grandma's Good Boy

(specifically in the gillion tidestrider voice) gILLION TIDESTRIDER

CASPAISNAJANANAN (caspian, for legibility purposes)

jay of the ferin variety

Dugon (probably spelt wrong)

Rolan Deep but like buggo rolan

The three characters who had the longest reasons were:

Strangle MaCock with a 156 word reason

Timothy Rand with a 136 word reason

Rolan Deep with a 108 word reason

Two characters tied for the shortest reasons, both with only one word:

Timothy Rand with “Bruh”

Mark Winters with “DILF”

Something to note about those two: apparently people have both everything to say about Rand and nothing to say at all

The percent of characters from each campaign:

The type of smooch percents:

And finally, the 4 characters who came up the most in these statistics, each with their name appearing in 3 separate categories:

Chip

Gillion Tidestrider

Jay Ferin

Timothy Rand

[bizlybebo]

i am here sitting listening and learning tell me more about aromantic chip

GOD YES HELLOOO !!! YOU GUYS NEED TO SEE MY VISION.

i’m aromantic. and let me tell you that man is SOOO aromantic coded.

aromantic people are ENTIRELY capable of romantic experiences and relationships. right? aromanticism manifests differently in each person, and i specifically see chip’s aromanticism come in with the fear of like. commitment, almost. the Aromantic Dread ™️, if you will.

this is the guy who loves, and loves strong. like it’s the force that keeps him going, love. he’s dedicated his entire life to searching for his father figure + rest of his black rose family, for gods sake.

he’s got the kind of love that eats him from the inside out, crumbles him. he can’t let go, and it’s going to be what befalls him eventually. in a way, it already did.

now of course, he’s had romantic interest in the past. he has a wife. he liked edyn. he has whatever the fuck is going on with gill.

but this man can NOT fall in love normally !!! he almost seems to fall in love with an idea of people. he can’t imagine true romance, at least, not in the traditional sense.

i also think that the idea of falling in love and settling down just. never came to him? i mean, he never was himself. he was only his search quest for the black rose pirates. how could someone fall in love with chip bastard, the man who never mentally left a ship torn to pieces, a decade in the past? it’d be like loving a ghost.

(sighs. impostor syndrome chip. he puts on a performance of who he is, yk, he’s the heartless bastard who just lies his way through life, talks his way around every battle, almost like a showman. who is he in those quiet moments? those gaps between conversations and missions?)

and tbh that’s what makes fnc SO dear to me. i don’t talk about them much here but they still drive me up the wall.

like,, it’s the fact that neither of the two pressure each other? they don’t have to define themselves as platonic or romantic. they can just. be. they’re ace4aro and they mean SO much to me.

idk, i think that when this man truly falls in love, it’s this kind of like. bewilderment. yk?

“no one else can make me feel this. i mean, im usually not able to feel this to begin with, nobody else can really capture my attention like this. you must have been designed specifically in a lab to kill me.”

hes SO aromantic coded, just not in the traditional sense and i love him. he’s so los campesinos (just the entire band is so him).

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Wait holdup what’s this about Howdy’s shop burning down and nearly taking him with it?? (talking about human au)

oh yeah lmfao it caught fire

it wasn't like... foul play or anything. in my mind it was some sort of electrical failure or bizarre accident. like a lightning strike! actually wait i like that lightning strike idea bc then it could be Raining for this very dramatic scene and i do love me some rain juxtaposing fire <3

and Howdy would've been fine! he got all of his employees and customers out of the building, including himself. he handed them off to Barnaby & Wally, who had been swinging by for dinner with fantastic timing (the fire department was just then arriving). then, like an idiot, Howdy went right back inside the Very On Fire building!

bc, ok, he lives in his store. specifically, above it. the ground floor is the store, then there's a staircase going up to an apartment. and naturally, Howdy was not gonna abandon all of his / the store's legal documents (also his coupon stash) to burn.

so in his mind he was like "yeah ill just pop in, grab these very important files, and then get out. easy!". babe, you're giving Barnaby & Wally a heart attack. that's what you're doing. dumbass (affectionate)

but yeah he's in there, in the burning building, smoke everywhere. meanwhile outside firefighters (and Wally) have to physically hold Barnaby back from going in after Howdy, even though a few more firefighters already went in to find him. its all very dramatic! blah blah blah the front door becomes unusable, blah blah blah the apartment windows explode due to thermal stress & also bc i want them to, etc etc

long story short the firefighters get Howdy out through the back, and mostly unscathed at that! ofc smoke inhalation is a thing, he's got some minor cuts and burns, but it's really not that bad! lucky bastard! he gets taken to the hospital to get treated & make sure he's fine, and he is.

naturally he stays with Barnaby & Wally for a while. he doesn't have a say in the matter lol he was planning on getting a motel room or somethin, but Barnaby picked him up from the hospital, took him home, and went "alright the guest room is ready for you we can go shopping tomorrow for anything you need, you live here now". good thing Howdy rescued his coupons!

the fire damage to the building is, thankfully, mostly cosmetic. it takes a while to clean & fix it, but Howdy has great friends and a wonderful community to help out! everyone chips in, some fundraisers happen, Wally sells some Darling™️ Exclusives™️, etc. long story short they get the store back up & running, and with some new bells and whistles to go with it!

[threestripeslider]

The peepaw multiverse is so funny to me because like, how did this happen? Why are they all together? Why is their immediate answer to everything to either band together to protect thier children using thier collective skills and battle strategies or just to simply Cain instinct the hell out of it? Most importantly, why do Leonardo and Leon constantly attempt to kill each other? What provokes them so much about each other than any of the others? I have so many questions and not enough answers

oh boy is it already time for a history lesson SKJDJKDHFKJ–

OKAY! let’s see if i get this right – disclaimer; i am pretty sure i got the whole thing rolling but i am obviously not the sole contributor or uhh idk. the CEO of the Peepaw Multiverse? whatever, i dont hold a monopoly over it KJDBKDHB.

so. obviously a bunch of F!Leo fics started popping up and everyone was just doing their own thing. as i wrote odd man out, i was partially inspired by MNMC – Mutant Ninja Midlife Crisis through which i met CJ. we get to talking and basically just kind of pick each other’s brains a lot when it came to our fics lmao so we started joking about the differences and similarities between Leonardo (OMO) and Leon (MNMC) to which i started making silly little doodles bc those two should actually never meet; they would make each other worse (or better), they are Worsties, they are Besties etc etc etc

anyway. i start posting these doodles just to be a little clown and ppl kind of picked up on it – artists who are fans of either or both fics started contributing to the fun. obviously not all iterations are super accurate, which is pretty fine since honestly? the Peepaw Multiverse is just a fun little separate thing as a kind of reprieve from the emotions the fics might give you LMAO yknow, just kind of a breather.

now, honestly, we have no idea why our Peepaws are the way they are together but idk what do you actually expect from a bunch of traumatized middle-aged men who are suddenly in charge of way too many kids and are now meeting several other version of themselves. in my mind, i think they all just loosen up a lot when it’s just them – without trying to put up a front for the kids, they just. idk. they all just become a lil unhinged i guess LMAO some just want their peace & quiet bc god knows if they can ever get it in a house full of teenagers at their height of puberty, some just want to hang out with guys who actually understand what’s bothering them. they could do group therapy or, yknow, make each other worse, idk you choose i guess, whichever is more entertaining RIP.

as to Leonardo and Leon specifically...in short; Leonardo is annoying with his Fake Smiley Bastard attitude doing the whole Conceal, Don’t Feel bit, so Leon just kind of tolerates him. unfortunately Leonardo kind of just never leaves and starts to grown on Leon like mold HJASDJHB all in all they have a very Cain Instinct-induced friendship in which Leon would sell Leonardo to Satan for one corn chip, but also if anyone other than him bullies Leonardo, Leon will kill you probably.

[damagedintellect]

Dazai Osamu x reader

💌 Reading into the palms of isekai bullshit:

Chapter 7 💌  

Summary: You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. You clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again but when you opened your eyes and saw Dazai O-FUCKING-samu getting choked by Kunikida you honestly hoped it was a dream.  

Notes:   With Artfight slowing down on my end I have come to feed the hungry readers...also idk why this chapter turned out so angsty bc that wasn't the plan but yeah know what it sounds about right. Another isekai so I can play around with BSD like dolls.

★ Chapters [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] ★

💌 Word count: 2,286 💌 <= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

A few days later was the day Kunikida had a very important schedule to uphold. Everyone was left to their own devices and it was a nice change of pace compared to the past few weeks. Kunikida had left a few minutes ago while Ranpo was still complaining about the lack of snacks. You had mostly finished up your tasks for the day and were acting like you were still busy so Ranpo wouldn't bother you. It's been weeks since you were relieved of your snack fetching duties but you could feel him practically directing all of his grievances at you specifically. There were other people in the office. Why did it always have to be you who gets the snacks? Aside from Kunikida and Yosano, everyone else was here. You observe Dazai as he agonizes over not being able to ruin Kunikida's day yet. You still don't know what the hell happened the other night.

All you know is that Ranpo made a suggestive comment about it which didn't help you piece anything together. Dazai had been acting weirder than normal too. It's like he was having more mood swings than usual and you’re not sure how much of it is an act. You are also not the only one who's noticed the brunette’s weird behavior, even Atsushi said something about it. Although he thought you and Dazai had an argument because apparently the brunette would tense up at the mention of your name. Even more puzzling was that the moment you were left alone with Dazai he would act one of two ways. One being that he would reluctantly cling to your side, hovering over you like he was expecting or waiting for you to do something or two he would scoff and make some excuse, no matter how stupid, to disappear. Like he actually made it a point to tell you instead of just leaving like he has in the past. Almost like he was reasoning more with himself then having the goal be informing you of his absences. As much as it was intriguing it was almost hard to watch but you didn’t want to ask him about it because who knows what can of worms that will open and you weren’t ready.

Speaking of can of worms, Ranpo has been calling your name trying to get your attention. You slammed your hands on the desk standing up to look at your senpai. "Okay I get it, what snacks do you want?"

"Chips, pocky, ramune and you know what it feels like a melon pan kind of a day!" He smiles wide, kicking his feet up on his desk. Cocky bastard.

You rolled your eyes "So the works then got it," you looked at Dazai who was still moping. "Anyone else need me to pick up anything?" The room filled with a chorus of "No"'s as you grabbed your wallet and made your way out the door. The agency would reimburse you for Ranpo’s snack habits later.

Dazai watched you leave. It's been infuriating that you refused to ask about that night and seemed to brush it off like it didn't matter. So much for that confession of yours. He was aware that, yes, technically he wasn't supposed to know that. He promised you he wouldn't tell, but you told him yourself. He can't get over the fact you haven't picked up his bitterness on the subject or that you are blatantly ignoring it all together. He doesn't understand what your play is and moreover he can't get over the irrational thought of wanting to touch you. It has been driving him insane. He doesn’t get these kinds of impulses but since you shared your feelings with him he wants to be close to you in any way you’ll have him. You were also the one who saw through and called him out on his bullshit, not many could do that so why has that stopped? Is it because you need to see his palm again? Did the alcohol mess with your talent that badly? All he has is more questions and really no way of getting answers out of you unless he talks to you like a normal person. Dazai was by no means a normal person and what was the point if he wasn't supposed to know this information to begin with. If it was anyone else he wouldn't care about the confrontation or lack thereof but he does now and he hates it.

The sound of an incoming text rang out through the office. He looked over at your desk. It was your phone, you forgot it since you stormed off. He sighed, reaching for it. You would be back soon but he was bored and all of his attempts to shake up Kunikida weren’t working either. Was he losing his touch? If he sent Kunikida a message from your phone he would probably have a better chance at fooling the blonde. When he opened up the messenger he nearly dropped the phone as he read who the incoming text was from. 

Chuuya<3

Hey, I have time today if you wanted to do the thing

Dazai gripped the phone tightly, his knuckles turning white. Why was Chuuya messaging you and what was with that contact photo! You were both naked in bed. You looked like an ethereal being while the smug redhead was holding you like he owned you, giving Dazai eyes that were taunting him. It made his blood boil. Was this why you didn’t care to find out about that night? Was this all really just a game to you and how could you betray him with Chuuya of all people! Dazai grit his teeth. Realistically he shouldn't care so why does he feel like this? He knows how demented his line of thought was but for the first time he let his jealousy cloud his judgment. You guys weren't exclusive, heck you guys weren't even anything to begin with. Just two coworkers who sometimes hung out outside of work but still he felt it was a low blow. He needs to stop his train of thought before he does something he'll regret. His emotions were already festering by the time you finally made it back to the office. He felt that itch again, the sudden urge to touch you. Why? He didn't understand it at all.

You dropped the bag of snacks on Ranpo's desk hoping that the ramune crushed a bunch of chips. This is the last time you’d be going on his snack run or else you were going to- you know what you don’t know what you could do as a counter. Ranpo kind of has you by the balls since he knows your secret. You deflated once you realized that he could actually make your life a living hell if he wanted. “Enjoy.” you sigh slouching as you turn around colliding with someone as you were grabbed by the arm and hastily pulled into the infirmary. 

Dazai had dragged you across the office without a word. It was unsettling for the others to witness. Atsushi was concerned he'd never seen such a grim expression on Dazai before. Could it be because he failed at tricking Kunikida and he needed to take it out on someone else? "Shouldn't we stop them?" He asked warily but no one made a move. Everyone continued on like this was an everyday occurrence.

Ranpo only kicked back further into his chair, opening the bag of chips "Leave 'em. You might get scarred for life if you try to intervene." Ranpo rolled his eyes. This is what you get for playing with fire. Although he doesn't exactly know what Dazai saw on your phone, he does know that the two of you were a ticking time bomb and have been the whole week since the fall of the guild. He only hopes you know what you’re doing because babysitting you was not his job unless you were getting him more snacks.

As soon as the door locked, Dazai pushed you against the wall, easily pinning your wrist so you couldn't escape. His tone was dark. It would have made you shake with terror if it wasn't so hot. Right now, the position you were in, was a sexual fantasy of yours for sure. 

"What happened to not being so easy? Huh?" He accused you, almost demanding an answer. It was jarring to hear him be this intense. 

“Um, ow! I don’t even know wha-” He cut you off with a messy kiss, aggressively biting your bottom lip as if to say don’t lie to him. You actually had no idea what he was talking about. In fact you almost thought this was all of his pent up emotions from the past few days.

 "Such a pathetic lie when you throw yourself at anyone who gives you the slightest bit of attention. Tell me was I not-"

"Who am I throwing myself at if not you?" You spat back not waiting for him to finish his monologue. You were furious because from your point of view you have no idea what the fuck he's going on about. He's the one who's been acting strange. If anything you should be the one yelling at him for not talking with you if he had an issue. Although you should have seen that coming. Technically it's what he was doing right now so you guess he did get there eventually but still you were mildly flustered and enraged with the delivery.

Dazai was silently scanning your eyes. You weren't lying to him. His fingers were digging into your wrist and your heart rate remained the same. Your eyes were clear and there were no obvious tells that your statement was false. He fucked up. He was wrong. He knew he was from the start but the impulses were too much for the rational part of his brain to stop while he was ahead. This is why he distanced himself. He wasn't capable of having nice things. He's spent so long waiting for the other shoe to drop he can't even trust that things could be different this time. As he loosened his grip on you the words cascaded from his mouth. "Then why did you sleep with Chuuya?" It shouldn't hurt him but it made his heart clench just the same. Dazai has had his fair share of one night stands. Sometimes it was nice to feel a human connection with another person. It should be no different but this was you. When did you become so important to him?

Your eyes widened in shock. He saw the photo. The trap you had set up weeks ago. Dazai was jealous, it worked. That's why he'd been acting weird. How long has he kept this to himself? Was that why he wanted you to ask about that night and the things you don't remember? Before you could register your actions your body moved on its own to close the distance between you with a tender kiss. Caressing his face you looked him in the eyes. It was now or never.  "Dazai, I am in love with you! Chuuya was only trying to help make you jealous so I could gauge if you even remotely liked me back." You blurted it out in a huff as you watched his expression drop and become unreadable. 

"Well it's a shame I don't feel the same because right now I think I hate you the most." There was no emotion to his words and he practically vanished out of thin air. Dazai needed space while he figured out what was going on in his head. Isolation was the only thing he knew that would bring him said clarity. He doesn’t regret his word choice but he also doesn’t think hate was the right word for it. He was irritated for sure but he didn’t exactly hate you. He definitely hated the situation though. The brunette was still wondering how you managed to get under his skin like this. Now that he wasn’t in the same room as you he understands the train of thought behind the picture and how Chuuya’s involvement led to the prank. It was partially his fault you even met to begin with. This also answered his questions about the redhead after the encounter. Looking back this must be how the others feel when he pulls one over on them. It was not a pleasant feeling.

 The room spun around you in a blur. It took you longer than you would have preferred to get yourself together and rush out of the infirmary. All the others pretended to mind their own business but you didn’t see Dazai so he probably bailed out of the office. You had to fix this before it was too late. Although something in the back of your mind wasn’t adding up. Why now? If he knew about the picture since that night why was it only today that he brought it up in a blind furry? There had to have been something to trigger this reaction. You don’t bother making an excuse to leave the office but you do grab your phone from Dazai’s desk. It didn’t click until you were halfway down the stairs that you had left your phone on your desk so how did it end up on Dazai’s. You frantically checked your messages and sure enough there was one from Chuuya. You frowned as you messaged him back blatantly lying about the other’s reaction to the prank. On one hand it did work as intended but how did it end up like this?

★ ★ ★ Pervious Chapters [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]  ★ ★ ★