#this is the exact reason i didn’t want to post on this hellsite

[etherealising]

sweetheart. this isn’t gonna be the nicest message and I do not intend for this to come off as being a hater; but as a fellow author, I felt this obligation to voice what I’ve seen that might be considered “cringe”.

i was highly, highly, HIGHLY invested in your Carmy Berzatto “all i ever knew, only you” series, but frustratingly lost complete interest by your erratic postings and timeline. like having “interludes” instead of just chapters? it’s outstandingly confusing. if you want to write a flashback, just do it with confidence, but your organization of your fic is frustrating to read. you’re not a terrible writer, on the contrary - I think you’re very good. like VERY good.

however, you lose yourself in an avalanche of details. you try W A Y too hard to foreshadow and allude to certain details, but you just confuse yourself and end up “putting your foot in your mouth”.

author to author, it helps TEN FOLD to pause and reread; to reedit. fuck a publishing timeline, fuck the followers that pressure you into posting, just make sure your story makes sense in a chronological order - cause the story’s whiplash was a turn off.

and I know, I know, what’s one reader to a plethora of others? i just felt the obligation to say that while it has the potential to be a GREAT story (that you keep incredibly expanding and deepening), it is wildly confusing in terms of your “timeline”.

my best wishes, support, and eagerness to see what else you might publish! and my apologies if I came off too harsh or rude - I’d simply love to see fellow authors expand on their craft!

not angry just dejected, take this response how you want i do not care : )

please do not refer to me as sweetheart. no matter how many times you explain that this isn’t a bash or negative feedback, calling me ‘sweetheart’ implies that you’re being condescending : )

first off [aiekoy] was not supposed to be a full fledged chaptered fic, so please writing gods forgive me for the utmost heinous act of writing and figuring things out as i go.

i can understand your “critique”, but you failed to explain how duel timeline in a story is “cringe” … i’m confused??

i’m sure you’ve read a mainstream book with the duel timeline trope, that’s exactly what this is. you’re implication that i’m cringy and not confident is such a fuck you to me because regardless of your intentions with this message it’s not coming across the way you intended.

my interludes are not a “confidence” thing, if I didn’t have confidence this fic wouldn’t have seen the light of day : )

imagine telling someone writing FOR FREE that their idea is “cringy” and a “confidence” issue??? i’m sure you can understand why i might come across a bit annoyed : )

i don’t try way too hard to fucking do anything, i just WRITE. i would honestly love to see where i “put my foot in my mouth” because i genuinely don’t see it. and that’s fine because it’s my writing and i’m constantly going over this shit ALONE so of course i’m not gonna catch every little detail that make people tick.

i am not getting paid to write this story. i am not getting paid to edit this story. i am writing this story because i had an idea and felt like sharing it because why fucking not. fan fiction does not and will not always be the best piece of literature/fiction you have ever interacted with and thats okay.

if you have fuck all time to edit, re-edit, draft, re-draft, and have a beta editor then i applaud you. but i have responsibilities outside of fanfiction so if something isn’t up to YOUR standards it’s not MY highest priority.

you also say “fuck a publishing timeline, fuck the followers that pressure you into posting,” but in the same breath explain that YOU quit reading because of my “erratic postings” and timeline. maybe i’m just not understanding it but it comes across a bit contradictory.

please understand that if my timeline is confusing, it’s because the bear’s canon timeline is confusing and contradictory as fuck. i’m literally doing somebody else’s job by trying to make this timeline make fucking sense.

don’t know who bestowed upon you this “obligation” you speak of but it was not i sis : )

to whoever this anon is i hope you can understand my defensiveness as i DID NOT ASK for this critique and obviously i’m going to be defensive this is MY work. and please if my response rubs you the wrong way please do not chime back into my inbox yapping off at the mouth that i’m a “bitch who can’t take critiques”

because i actually can but your critiques are UNSOLICITED for one and it just came across extremely pretentious (at least it read that way to me).

i probably would’ve had a much better reaction to your “help” if you had given me examples and explained a bit better your point of view, but you didn’t so i don’t, sucks to suck : (

have a great rest of your day, hope your journey as a writer continues going swell : )

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[goddex4]

it was recently asexuality day and i wanna talk about my experience cause i love talking about myself

ill start off by saying all asexual experiences are valid because i know how this hellsite can be and i dont want anyone to take this the wrong way

i've identified as asexual for a while, and still do. for years i've had this internal struggle of hating myself for my asexuality at times, because i blamed it for my physical intimacy issues. im happily engaged, and i wanted to kiss my partner, and more even, but i couldnt. i have a libido, and i would cry over it, because i wanted to do these things but was repulsed by it, and didn’t want to be.

i've recently overcome this, and i'm very happy! im still 100% under the ace umbrella (ive long since stopped trying to fit myself in exact boxes, but you're valid if you do), but im no longer sex repulsed. i've always been an advocate of teaching the true definition of asexuality, and how asexuals can still like sex, but this is even more prevalent to me in light of jokes made my friends about how im "no longer asexual" (those jokes arent funny by the way, and its perfectly reasonable for me to get mad at them)

so! why did i write this post idk- takeaways are that all asexuals are valid regardless of their personal views on sex, their relationships, or their reason for using the label, and if you disagree you are acephobic and not a true lgbt ally, have a nice day!

[sparklywaistcoat]

Y’know, I was just having a think about the latest kerfuffle in this here fandom, and I want to say that I’m surprised that the issue has to do with posting of caps and reposting of caps that were already posted at some time or another. I mean, we all do that in this fandom. Every fandom on this hellsite does this. It’s kinda how tumblr works. It’s how fandom works on here.

Posting caps is how we show our love for our show and the characters and the actors that play them, and it’s how we share that with other people who feel the same way we do. We get to show how important different moments or scenes or people are to us, in a very economical and meaningful way.

Posting caps can act as a shorthand for our feelings about other things, things that we deal with irl, in a space where we know that anyone who sees the caps will immediately relate to them the same way we do and understand exactly what we mean without requiring an explanation, and that’s important.

Posting caps creates and sustains community on here in some pretty important ways.

I’m old enough to remember a time when it could be very hard to find other fans to share things with, especially for younger fans who didn’t have access to transportation or funds to go to cons or meetups or buy fanzines or whatnot, because there wasn’t an internet to make those relationships easy and affordable.

What we have here on tumblr is actually pretty special, not least because it’s accessible to anyone with an internet-enabled device and an internet connection. And it brings together people from all over the whole goddamn world; it’s not just you and the collection of nerds that happen to live in your own physical neighborhood anymore, where you can be left stranded if your nerd posse breaks up for any reason.

We really shouldn’t take tumblr-style fandom for granted, because it wasn’t always available, and it wasn’t always this easy to find people to share fandom stuff with.

Then I also had some other thoughts, namely that if folks are dissatisfied with the content on here, they have the following choices:

accept and enjoy the content for what it is

unfollow and/or block the folks whose content they don’t like

create some of their own damn content that meets their exacting standards

It’s not difficult to curate your own experience. It’s also not difficult to allow others to create the experience they want to have and to share it with their fellow fans who do enjoy that content.

[suchababie]

I posted 38,961 times in 2021

1019 posts created (3%)

37942 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 37.2 posts.

I added 19,231 tags in 2021

#barbequeue - 4619 posts

#mcu - 3897 posts

#chris evans - 2035 posts

#bucky barnes - 1961 posts

#q - 1531 posts

#marvel - 1239 posts

#sebastian stan - 1155 posts

#steve rogers - 1093 posts

#henry cavill - 855 posts

#stucky - 846 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#my sole purpose of existence is being here on tumblr simping for white men who are either fictional or dont know who i am in real life lmao

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hii, can you please rec some tony stark fanfic blogs?

Omg hiiii!!!! Of course!!! I’d gladly rec you some of tony stark fanfic writers out hereeee @kamalahkhan

And i just wanna add, the exact reason why i joined this hellsite last year is to come and search for more tony stark fanfics ahahahaha 💓💓💓💓

This list may change if i ever miss some blogs :))) i would like to apologize if i ever miss someone but when i do remember i will immediately put an addition here edited 11/1/21

@letsby , @mostly-marvel-musings , @another-stark-sub @patheticallysentimental @boop-le-snoot @slothspaghettiwrites @slut4tonystark , @tonystarkscumslutz @buckyownsmylife ‘s let me try fic @russiandoll-from-brooklyn ‘s just once part 1 and 2 , @sherrybaby14 , @shewhohangsoutincemeteries ,@avengerscompound also known as @emilyevanston , @canumoveurseatup-no @thran-duils has some dark tony fics @darsynia @bolontiku @ironlady1993 has some tony stark dark fics @heavenbarnes has some short tony drabbles also her three-part fic ‘Battle of the Egos’ is 😩💜💜

I just know there are a lot of tony stark fanfic writers out there. I’m sorry i’m limited w these bc my brain has a short memory storage sksksksk

To the wonderful blogs that I have tagged, maybe you can lend me a hand in here?? ☺️☺️☺️☺️💓💓💓💓💓

139 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 14:32:27 GMT

#4

Thank you @pepper-stark for the tag! 😄🥰✨💕

Rules: Name 7 comfort films and tag 7 people

In no particular order

Clueless

The Craft

Mean Girls

10 Things I Hate About You

The Breakfast Club

Miss Congeniality 1 and 2

Before Sunrise

Captain America : The Winter Soldier

BONUS (SORRY I CANT HELP IT):

•Thor: Ragnarok

•Legally Blonde

•White Chicks

Tagging! @babyboibucky @bitchassbucky @sarge-barnes-sir @yeet-me-out-tonight @mariestark @bloggingfromherbed @msmarvelwrites @countonthesun @lookiamtrying @whoth3hellisbucky

LMAO i went pass the limit 😌 its ok tho

ALSO anyone can join!!! I suck at tagging games in general

178 notes • Posted 2021-05-19 12:32:48 GMT

#3

Frank Adler x reader

A short impromptu drabble based on this post and this gif below eheheheh deleted the other post so that it won’t disturb the OP

Also there might be changes bc as i said, impromptu 😂 never planned this. An idea just came out from my head looking at this gif

Oh my god this gif is giving me thots

18+ under the cut (just a short impromptu imagine. Not edited lmao) please like, rb and comment if you like it :)))

Imagine teasing frank by sending provocative pictures of yourself with your sweetest innocent face and then he texts back saying ‘I’ll be there in 10 minutes. I expect you to lay in your back, legs spread with your panties and my shirt on.’ You got all excited that you quickly took off your shorts and positioned yourself in the bed the way he liked.

By the time you heard the front door slam, you can feel your panties pool with your wetness as you gripped the bed sheets at the sides. He isn’t there in the room yet and yet you’re so turned on by the thought of your Frank seeing you vulnerable like this. You just wanted nothing but all of him. It’s what it matters to you right now.

You were so preoccupied with your filthy thoughts that you didn’t know he was already by the bedroom door, eyes endeavoring your sweet body spread out on the sheet and lips smirking. “You’re in it for a wild ride, sweetheart.”

199 notes • Posted 2021-09-07 17:00:19 GMT

#2

Thots +18 under the cut. This is my first ever smut posted on Tumblr! Finally able to post it!!! And ngl i’m nervous ahahaha :) (tbh i feel nauseous of how nervous i am) . Shoutout to @bemine-bucky, @borikenlove, and @spicynudlesoup who witnessed the thirst I had for him that time lmao. Instead of Chris Evans RPF, I made it to Ari Levinson bc i love him

Pairing: Ari Levinson x reader

word count: 1,079

WARNINGS: NOT BETA’D. ALL OF THE MISTAKES ARE MY OWN.18+ ONLY. MINORS DNI. D/S dynamics, light dry humping if you squint, breath play (light choking), petnames, light degradation, language, allusions to punishment and smut. I think that’s it? please let me know if there are anymore warning that i didn’t include.

I give no permission to repost this work to any other media outlets. If you like it, reblogs are also very much appreciated. Comments are also a very good plus! <3

Imagine being a little lonely in a small house you and your boyfriend Ari shared, home near the beach where you can hear the birds chirping loudly as they try to hunt for fish and the soft and peaceful sea crashing along the shore. Ari told you that he was a little busy like usual, planning for his next mission in god knows where. He was dedicated to his work because he loved helping those who are in need, you understand that and you loved that for him, but you didn’t like it when he was too much invested in it and left you alone on your own.

You were his very supportive, understanding, and loving girlfriend. You were his very good girlfriend. You always take care of him, obedient to him. But this time, it was getting on your nerves. You had enough for being good for him, and you wanted to be rebellious once in a while.

So you threw into a cute pleated mini skirt that you bought a few days ago, a pair of cream colored knee socks that had ruffles decorated around your knees, and your favorite shirt, his worn out patterned white shirt that you twisted the front of it and tied, making it look like a crop top. You checked yourself in the mirror and put on your best bambi look, the look that Ari couldn’t resist.

You prepared some light snacks for him since it was still in the middle of the afternoon. You placed the food on the tray. Your sock clad feet softly padded against the cold floor as you grip the wooden tray tightly. You were a little nervous that this stunt was going to happen. How would Ari react? This was very unusual for you to do this; to defy him a little. Your mind raced with different kinds of scenarios which made your stomach churn lightly, yet your pussy had a mind of its own, she was already throbbing. You could feel your arousal seeping through your panties.

You were now in front of the door where Ari was in. Rustling of papers and his raspy voice that sounded like he was on call, you can hear his deep raspy voice behind the door which made your lower region tingle in anticipation and your toes curl. You took a deep breath, mumbling under your breath that you could do it before your already sweaty hand reached for the knob and twisted clockwise.

The door flew open, which made Ari startle by its creaking hinges. He looked at you, narrowing his eyes as you strutted inside, ignoring his daggers through the back of your skull as you made your way to the coffee table.

“Sir, I have to call you back,” he said to the phone and without hearing the receiver, he immediately ended it and tossed the device to the piled papers. 

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” Ari gritted his teeth, his arms folded against his chest as you still ignored him, but you could feel your heart beating a little harder against your rib cage. You bent your upper body down a little, making your little skirt rise a little as you slowly placed the tray on the table.

You bit your lip with a smile when you heard a breath hitched behind you. You could tell that he could already see your open slit panties beneath the godforsaken skirt; your pretty petals had its own heartbeat with your own nectar coating around it, begging for it to be touched and sucked.

“Son of a bitch.” Ari muttered under his breath, his hands turned into fists and he didn't waste time. He strutted towards you, wrapped his arm around your waist and his other hand on your neck. “Don’t. Fucking. Move.” He punctuated every word, each word had him rutting his already tented crotch against your ass, no doubt the crotch of his jeans coated with your sweet arousal that had leaked already in your inner thighs to the tight muscle of your as. You whimpered, because you were so turned on and also you were a little scared of what he would do to you. 

Ari had his chin resting on your shoulder, and he smirked. He barely even touched you, but he could already hear you panting. He felt bad for you just a tiny bit, because he was so busy with work that he neglected his precious girl. Right now, his precious girl was being a bad girl.

He tutted, tightening his grip on your neck a little that had you gripping his strong forearm. “Have I been neglecting you, sweetheart?” He asked, his breath tickled your ear  and his beard that you absolutely loved stroked against your jaw, leaving prickles against your skin that had your hands gripping firmly on his arm.

“Answer me.” He growled, releasing a grip a little and tightening it again. He was playing with you, like a doll that you are. “Yes.” You managed to squeak, tears in your eyes threatened to spill, not because he was hurting you; but because you wanted him to use you.

“It’s been a week, Ari.” You sniffed. You can feel him smiling against your ear. “Well, why didn’t you say so, honey?”

He released his grip from your neck and your waist, pushing you harshly towards the 

Couch that led you to stumble and land on the cushion on your knees.

“Bend over.” He commanded and you know better than to disobey him. You obliged, bending over that your chest reached the back of the couch’s back pillows and your knees were slightly raised from the cushion. You jerked a little when you felt his warm fingers touch the back of your exposed thighs, skimming the skin lightly like he was touching a delicate virgin, even if you were very far from one.

“You wanna be a slut?” He rhetorically asked, you just kept your mouth shut with your hands gripping the pillow tightly and your legs almost giving out.

“I’ll fucking treat you like one.” And with that, he flipped your skirt to your waist, completely exposing him with your drenched cunt. He swatted in between your inner thighs to signal you to open them wider and you did. “Good luck, baby. Because I don’t know when I’ll stop until I feel satisfied with my work.”

“Just so you know, I’m gonna fucking wreck you that you deserve.”

238 notes • Posted 2021-08-12 17:00:57 GMT

#1

I saw this on facebook (dont judge me. I still hate facebook tho)

OKAY first of all, please don't judge me bwdfuhwvuieqhwgbi i used to have no life before i got my job skskskskssksk

And i think its beautiful

388 notes • Posted 2021-04-03 07:56:43 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[monsterqueers]

YO I remember the ChiRe shit that was such a mess. And then the million other forks that were all the exact same thing but no they're totally different dude trust me. ddlgre cglre chire kidcore kidspace littlespace.. some of these words were their own thing before that whole debacle too which made things extra confusing. And then there'd be general stim blogs just trying to reach a wider audience and would use multiple tags only to have one group or another hounding them for "cross tagging." The content can be exactly the same but if you tag it with two different words that's a no no. you were expected to just know all this automatically even if you weren't part of those specific groups and it was impossible to keep track of because a new one popped up every other week. It was not a fun time to be kinky and autistic.

The worst part is that it started from a mostly genuine and reasonable space; There were indeed traumatized folks who were coping in a non power dynamic way by doing 'childish' things as a therapeutic reparenting thing that wanted and needed wholly nonsexual spaces and there were indeed plural folks with headmates who were young who wanted spaces they could be visibly younger than the body. They shouldnt have been combined AT ALL into one community, much less one operated like this, but it wasnt wrong for these folks to want spaces for them that werent kink spaces. The line between fascination and kink is blurry. Thats fair.

But it had integral problems from the start in radfem logic that just got worse as time went on. The major ones being;

These sorts of spaces they wanted to build could not be made safely in tumblr's environment of public tags, aesthetic-based interaction, and poor nsfw filtering ability. A private forum or DW community would have been better suited.

These spaces of 'involuntarily and also actually cognitively a child younger than the body' and 'pretending to be a child for various reasons' should not be crossed and will get people hurt because they need different things.

These spaces were founded in a very specific trauma culture that without a grounding influence were easily radicalized and manipulated because of said trauma

The minor situation. Which, while yes there is a difference between kink and fascination, the line is very blurry and courts wont make a huge distinction. Allowing minors into places that appear like a well-known kink or involve a relationship style or power dynamic shift is a bad idea that is unsafe for everyone. While the 'caretaker' concept didn't kick off until later, it still appeared enough like a well known kink that people probably could have gotten legally in trouble.

I watched it come into being and lurked in hopes the promised essays and conversations about trauma and body age and voluntary vs involuntary experiences would happen and they never did and instead we got a lingering scar on this hellsite and autistic spaces in general that will probably take years to iron out if it ever does.

The tagging situation also started so reasonably. People on tumblr have no boundaries, and even when asked to knock it off, a small minority of kink blogs would roleplay or comment something nsfw on people's non nsfw posts. Many of these people were minors. Some of these posts were posts about personal trauma. This is an undeniable fact that it happened, and I myself had to block people when I was a minor over people doing this. So the community, who was getting this kind of sexual interaction on their posts that they didn't want would type 'dont reblog to a porn/kink/nsfw blog' or 'no nsfw interactions'. A fair and reasonable boundary that keeps people from making people uncomfortable by mistake. However typing this would get the pornbots on you because of the words and censoring them was irritating, so people made the banners. But then the banners became a byf in image form and the language changed from 'dont reblog to a porn blog pls' to 'dont interact if nsfw/kink'. The person become the problem, not the exposure to the thing. It was at this point the radfem infection became terminal.

When ChiRe splintered due to drama, the crosstagging problem- which was originally just 'dont crosstag chire with the cgl tags' got really wild.

About at that time the stim blogs caught wind of the banners and the community in general as many traumabloggers were autistic and often were in both circles, which spread the banners and tagging culture there and then it breached containment and spread to the whole fuckin site.

See I think if tags werent treated by one faction of people as a community and the other as just a sorting category it would have been less of an issue, but they were. It was a mess.

Being hypersexual+kinky and being autistic and traumatized AND being plural with an ageslider headmate made this a unique and very distressing hellscape to navigate for me.

It was THEE worst community I have ever lurked in. No fandom will ever compare to that cesspool of drama and stress and bullshit and puritanical policing. They did more callouts in their tags then they EVER did actual posts of substance.

Aside note- Kidcore was just an aesthetic tag, often used by toy collectors and such before the ChiRe thing, ChiRe took it over and made a mess.

Littlespace was a term for cgl first and I dont think many ChiRe and other related spinoffs used it? I think it was just 'sfw littles' and ddlgre and cglre folks, and they were widely hated by the rest because they werent totally anti kink.

[werewolves-are-real]

hot take: writers on this site are amateurs. And you can’t expect them to be perfect.

Writing is hard - specifically, writing so that the audience comes to the exact conclusions/perspectives you want is difficult, and fic writers vary wildly in terms of experience and skill in this area. Short stories or fics are also often unedited, not workshopped or reviewed with others beforehand, and sometimes posted immediately. Some fic writers are TEENAGERS.

It’s insane to see people get worked up and indignant because writers - who are usually well-intentioned - make mistakes and portray situations poorly. (Or, as the case may be, run wild with headcanons that might be Problematic). Even if you dislike the implications of a scene, a characterization, a situation - there’s a big difference between someone trying to make a point and just *failing* versus someone trying to be malicious.

I don’t see this a lot in comments on AO3 - though I admit I don’t exactly scrawl through other people’s comment sections either - but people sure do like to get angry on tumblr. And the ‘cancel culture’ here can take things to ridiculous levels.

When I was taking an introductory creative writing course at college, someone in my class wrote a short story about an interfaith couple, a christian woman and muslim man, visiting the christian’s home for christmas. It was very brief, and if I recall correctly the big scene was the muslim eating pork to fit in/make his girlfriend’s parents happy.

I thought this was pretty gross - it read in a way that portrayed the muslim character as giving up important parts of his identity/religion to satisfy other people’s expectations, and framed this as a positive thing. The writer insisted that this wasn’t true, that the story was meant to show the importance of ‘compromise’ to make other people happy. It was supposed to show that some things in life - like getting along with other people, especially family - should be prioritized, and therefore wasn’t islamophobic at all. And they would know, because they were jewish and also didn’t eat pork. 

And I said, okay, great. We’re not talking about you being jewish. I’m saying that this story has problems, and there’s nothing in it that talks about compromise, no hint that this christian couple is trying to ‘compromise’ or be considerate of the muslim character’s needs, and either way it’s wrong to think that it’s positive for someone to have to sacrifice such an important ideal for a relationship.

I would like to emphasize; I do not believe that this person was islamophobic. And yes, they were Jewish, and they weren’t trying to trivialize Islamic dietary restrictions either. The author was not malicious and I genuinely believe they were trying to write a story with a good moral meaning, but they did a bad job, it wasn’t portrayed well, and to me - as a reader - it held a bad and radically different message regardless of intent.

This is something worth pointing out to them in a workshop, obviously, since we were trying to improve each other’s writing. It is NOT something to get angry about, and it’s not a reason to accuse the author of being racist or islamophobic or whatever. They were not a professional writer, and imo they didn’t do a good job. The end. 

I’m rambling but just - some of you need to calm down a bit and remember to be kind with people who are literally amateurs writing for fun. People who might be posting as soon as something’s written because they don’t want to stress over a *hobby*, people who do not have professional editors combing over their works and offering suggestions. Writing well is hard and it takes a lot of effort and skill to convey the meaning you *want*, and even then, people come into stories with their own backgrounds and assumptions that might not be shared. 

And? If you accept that this is true for fanfic - it also applies to TV writing/professional authors/etc, at least to some degree. Yes, these people should be held to higher standards - they *are* doing this professionally, they have editors, etc - but writers still aren’t going to be perfect. They’re human, and humans make mistakes, and humans aren’t always aware of *what they don’t know* about a minority group/sensitive situation. You can accept this and still want them to do better. even call for them to do better, without outright ‘canceling’ someone or deciding they’re an irredeemable bigot. This won’t do anything but intimidate writers into *not* tackling difficult issues, which presumably is not the goal.

And the same principal ABSOLUTELY applies to everyday posts on this hellsite. I’m not saying the issues don’t ‘matter,’ but you can’t reasonably expect every single person to have perfect understanding of all the latest Discourses everywhere, about everything, AND be able to write casual posts with perfect vocab/phrasing that can’t be possibly (often deliberately!!) misinterpreted as hostile. People get angry about the tiniest things on here, often reading into messages to get angry about a message that wasn’t in the original post to begin with. 

For example - people getting angry about posters who use ‘outdated’ terminology. This is not malicious - people just aren’t up-to-date on whatever is lately concerned the ‘correct’ vocabulary.  Or, another example - if someone discusses a show and calls a bi character/actor gay they are probably not trying to deny bi people exist, they most likely a) don’t know better or b) just spoke imprecisely. That’s it!! You can correct them, I guess, but why are you getting so upset? I see long, angry, pointed rants about this all the time, tacked onto casual one-sentence posts which, believe it or not, were not meant as political declarations. I might tell people I’m a lesbian bc I don’t want to dredge into the details of my precise brand of queer and it gets the point across - people do that too.

People are going to use the wrong words and fumble, sometimes. That’s... really not the most important thing about what’s being said. Look at a person’s attitudes, not whether their language is perfectly PC.

Forgive mistakes, be patient. Start assuming that people have *good intentions* and you’ll be a lot happier

[gffa]

#SOLAD SPOILERS and #SOLAD REPLIES if you want to either avoid spoilers or avoid the salt!  I would also encourage everyone to read the story for themselves, because people are going to see things differently, going to register things differently, and everyone should judge for themselves! Continuing the discussion from this post and this post @duchess-of-mandalore replied:

Thanks for clarifying this. I totally agree with this. The thing is, I don’t see it as “prioritizing the romantic relationship” as much as just … forgetting that other moments of rage already existed (I mentioned before that the author feels like a casual fan, and I’m sticking by that).

I think the author felt that because he chose to view Obi-Wan’s rage through The Lawless (which probably seemed like an attractive choice, given that it’s the highest rated episode short of The Siege of Mandalore), he had to keep the story about The Lawless (also, when you have to get through the whole episode and you only have 30 pages, I get that there’s a lot that needs to get glossed over).

But you can’t just pick one episode and examine it within the a vacuum.

Because you’re absolutely right. I’m a diehard Obitine shipper, but the author did not convince me at all that this is the first time Obi-Wan has felt rage. Far from it. There should have been much more about Qui-Gon (where Obi-Wan’s reaction feels much more rage-filled to me), and definitely more reflection on Maul, especially his taunting of Obi-Wan.

We’re obviously in agreement that this episode does not show rage. It shows grief. And so unfortunately, whether you’re an Obitine shipper or not, I don’t have much positive to say about this story, because it feels like a complete misrepresentation of this episode and the character of Obi-Wan Kenobi (in regards to his past, and how he’s feeling at this point in time), in a way that makes me wonder how it came to print in this current status.

It’s interesting how we interpret the amount of romance in this story, because I felt like it was very obvious that it was a romantic relationship, that Obi-Wan may have called her a “friend”, but also he repeats the line of how he would have left the Jedi Order for her, and I don’t think you can divorce that scene--or the entire Obitine relationship, honestly--from being a romantic one.  So, whatever they do with it, however it’s described, it’s very obviously meant as a romantic one, for me.  (Though, I can see how you feel it was the most aromantic version of their relationship yet and found it dissatisfying and I hear you on that.) Further, what frustrated me about the story was that it’s still a) fridging Satine for Obi-Wan’s manpain (not the fault of the story, that was already in TCW, but it’s important because--) b) not really Satine’s story.  I have two problems with this, in that it prioritized this relationship over Obi-Wan’s relationship with Qui-Gon, despite that Obi-Wan absolutely had dealt with rage before--in TPM!  In this anthology in the Maul story!, that even Anakin’s scene felt like it was half there just to put us in the frame of mind of comparing Obitine and Anidala. I found this frustrating because Satine deserves a story that’s hers.  Not Obi-Wan thinking about how she wore certain colors or flowers to remind Mandalore of what they could one day be again.  That’s a lovely sentiment, but give it to me from Satine, not from Obi-Wan.  And I found it frustrating because I don’t buy for one second that Obi-Wan didn’t understand why he couldn’t Leeroy Jenkins his way onto Mandalore and that he would be bitter about it.  Obi-Wan has always understood the politics and how and when to get around them, for him to throw that out the window felt like, oh, well, of course, because it’s Satine.  The romantic relationship.  But it’s also coming on the heels of using his relationship with Anakin to be about Obitine vs Anidala, it’s coming on the heels of swiping aside Obi-Wan’s using the dark side/anger in both fights with Maul because of Qui-Gon. It comes with the context of the description of how--in the moments I’ve giffed above--that Obi-Wan was feeling a rage so powerful that he would raze everything to the ground for it, because Satine died, and what brings him back?  Not his Jedi values that he lives his entire life by, but that Satine wouldn’t want him to.  I don’t buy for one second that Obi-Wan wouldn’t pull himself back because he lives by the principles his Order has taught him. lacependragon said: 

I can’t with long words or descriptions but I bought this ebook just to read this story to keep up on this conversation and jfc I have never been so disappointed. I know 12 year old boys who understand Obi’s character better than this.

I get that sometimes people just have different interpretations of characters and I realize we all get invested in our views of them, as well as I feel like a lot of the elements of this story are close.  Like, I was so intrigued by the idea of Obi-Wan struggling with the dark side!  Because the dark side isn’t just anger, it’s also fear and sorrow and suffering!  It would have been SO EASY to explore those things, because they’re written all over his face! Further, it ignores so much of the bigger context of Obi-Wan’s character, like just how important those other relationships are and how they’ve shaped him.  Understands anger in a new way?  Different from his anger at Qui-Gon’s death?  Because, yes, he was sorrowful after he’d cut Maul in half, but when he did that?  He was FURIOUS, it was right there on his face, too. thebiscuiteternal said: 

Excuse me? Obi-Wan, who paced and *snarled* at Maul behind the energy gates after Qui-Gon was impaled? *That* Obi-Wan had never felt rage towards Maul until he killed Satine? Oh, fuck this story.

I KNOW, RIGHT?  I’m not even the biggest defender of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s relationship (though, of course it’s important) but the sheer DISRESPECT of saying that Obi-Wan understood anger in a new way after Satine died in pretty much THE EXACT SAME MANNER as Qui-Gon! And @watsonerr says something I’ve been struggling to articulate well on this reply:

Another thing I didn’t agree with was how Obi-Wan kept being angry at the council, considering how he not only is not the type to ignore the bigger picture, but also how he knows well that sending republic troops there to free everyone would be extremly risky, especially that they were at war and the republic and Mandalore had a treaty. Exactly why I’ll stick with the deleted scene from The Lawless in which he says “The policies of the jedi and the chancellor often don’t meet eye to eye these days.” But at the same time, I also think it was probably meant to be this way, because Obi-Wan was emotional and had a clouded judgement the whole chapter for obvious reasons, and he fell right into Maul’s trap. And that’s a nice parallel to Obi-Wan’s attitude in Old Friends Not Forgotten, where he knew better than to let emotions cloud his judgement.

I’d be more forgiving if the final ending weren’t, “I understand anger in a way I never have before.” which makes it seem like Obi-Wan’s anger at the council was objective and not part of him falling into the trap of attachment.  I’m still not sure I could buy bitterness from him or the lack of understanding the political ramifications, but I’d at least be able to sort of see it. I mean, this is what he says in that same story:  “Few in the bustling hangar took notice of Obi-Wan as he approached his Eta-2 Actis-class interceptor. Things would be different on Mandalore. The presence of a Jedi on a planet struggling to remain neutral in the war between the Republic and the Separatists would do more than attract attention. It might be considered an act of aggression. It might lead to further violence—more death.” This is his way of convincing Anakin not to come along:  ““The presence of one Jedi on Mandalore will be hard enough to conceal. Two Jedi will be impossible. You’d put the mission at risk. And Satine.”” Yet there’s no acknowledgement of that when he thinks about why they won’t agree to send him?  I don’t buy that from Obi-Wan Kenobi, even if he would ultimately disagree with them. Overall, we’re definitely making mountains out of molehills with this, it’s really not that big of a deal, both in terms of IT’S JUST A MADE UP SPACE WOO STORY and that it’s not as heinous as it might sound from the conversation.  I’ll reread it in a few days and maybe it’ll come across better for me, I could easily see that happening!  As well as I’m sure there are going to be plenty of people who see it as perfectly in character for Obi-Wan! BUT WHAT WOULD THIS HELLSITE BE IF NOT FOR RIDICULOUS NERDING OUT?  THAT’S WHAT TUMBLR IS FOR.   😂

[dutchforstrangers]

I'm overwhelmed in the most wholesome way since a very long time and I've got some personal things to say and ranting to do while the waterworks are open. It ends on a positive note, all happy tears, but I'm just very much overwhelmed. (Genre is definitely Hurt/Comfort)

Under read more for those who want to read my personal words.

Long story short: I have an anxiety disorder (with hypochondria) and a history with being burn out. In May I got Covid and ever since I 'recovered', I haven't felt like myself from before Covid. I went back to teaching, looking back to it maybe a bit too soon and too fast, and nearing the end of the school year it means preperations for end of year performances with the dance students and extra schoolprojects. So I had a very busy and hectic last few weeks and when it was finally over last week (while working myself through digiweek) the anxiety hit me hard, making me spiral down back in the direction of a burn out.

With my sensitve body (stress and anxiety always hits me hard on a physical level i.e. giving me headaches, a f*cked up digestion and random heart palpitations) falling asleep and staying asleep become the hardest things to do. This morning I woke up after a bad night with little sleep and I found myself with all these negative feelings.

Am I good enough? Do people like me? Is there anybody reading the things I write? I'm not worth it. I should stop writing.

At some point I felt under appreciated for the things I had created. I usually don't care that much about the amount of notes a post receives. Or the amount of favorites, follows, kudos, etc. But this morning I felt like it did matter and I missed some kind of validation for all the heart and soul I put into my work. Which of course is perfectly human from time to time, because we need confirmation, preferably from others.

For example my Astrology posts. Gosh, it's a pain to write, but it's also fun to share my point of view with the world/fandom. However when I posted this one (Taichi and Koushiro) yesterday, it didn't receive that many notes yet which is okay. But it hit me that the previous post (Sora and Mimi) didn't got that many notes either and it made me sad and insecure.

Then it hit me that all my original posts (drabbles/one-shots, but also the Taiora Discord Server announcements) don't receive that many notes in comparison to other's posts. It made me think: is it because of the unpopularity of a pairing? Or is it because the things I create aren't good enough and just not loved...

Well, I think you can guess what my head wandered to.

To be clear, I'm not looking for pity points here. Not at all. The realizations just hit me hard and then two situations (or actually people) occured:

First @seventeenlovesthree (Sanni), who I talk to on (almost) daily base, messaged me asking if I rested well. I couldn't lie, so I said I had a bad night, but the conversation continued anyway talking about good things (which is good and nice, thank you Sanni).

Then @earlgreymon (Sky) sent me a message, replying to a message I'd sent her a few days ago. And I got carried away, telling her about my negative thoughts regarding the above and such...

Both ladies understood everything and they were both so sweet to me! Sky had sent me a list with encouragements and even some tips and tricks that made me smile and feel appreciated. She also said to remember that I should be happy with the content I create and that there also are 'silent readers' who might like it the most but just don't scream like we do on this hellsite.

Sanni started drawing a scene a chapter for the Taikoura fanfiction I wrote for digiweek yesterday and that already warmed my heart. But then she sent me TWO sketches THIS MORNING for the second chapter instead of one in a week or two and I was so touched...

Simultaneously Sky sent me, as a response to my birthday headcanons I had pm'ed her a few weeks (or even months) ago and my insecure feelings, an amazing list with edits SHE made with MY headcanons for ME to use and post...???!!!!

That happened on the almost exact same time and my jaw dropped. Seriously, I wasn't asking for any of this, but I felt so appreciated and loved for a moment, that my heart swelled and my eyes couldn't hold back tears. It made me realize that I create the things I do for a reason; for myself first. But that it could also inspiree others to create content themselves.

However, I was so touched by these girls and the effort they were putting into all of this for the sake of my joy and happiness? Or at least it felt like that and I'm still so in awe with that and amazed by their talents <3

So this is a reminder to myself, and who knows to others too, that good things are hidden in the small things. And that I should appreciate myself more, because validation starts with myself and not with others.

And the reminder that I am loved and that there are people here to take care of me, to catch me when I tend to fall. Or pull me out of a dark cave when I'm feeling low and heavy.

And that's something precious I will (try to) hold on to forever...

Thank you. Danke shön. Terima kasih. Dankjulliewel.

[moku-youbi]

Can someone tell me if there’s some setting I’m missing somewhere on this hellsite that is making me see the same post for days on end? I don’t mean a post that’s been reblogged, I mean the exact same post by the same person with the same tags that will just keep popping up at the top of my feed. It is getting really fucking old to have to wade through several of these that I didn’t want to see in the first place, let alone 20 fucking times, but it’s like tumblr is shoving it in my face thinking it’s something I want for some reason?!

[mixingpumpkins]

Sighhhhh... really? Is this really a post I have to make in the year of idk what but clearly not our lord since 2020 is... well... ?

Fine. Here goes.

Friendly reminder to everyone that this is my blog, and that I’m “allowed” (lmao) to post:

Things about current events / real-world issues

Things that are fun and not about current events / real-world issues

Serious posts

Satirical or funny or weird posts

US-centric things

Non-US-centric things

Whatever the hell I want because it’s my goddamn blog

I know “whatever I want” covers a lot of things, since this is my catch-all space. I have a lot of interests, and I probably end up posting a lot of shit that any one person isn’t particularly interested in.

That’s cool. Filter out the tag / ask me to tag something (if I don’t already), or unfollow if it’s just too much for you. I won’t be offended. Promise. I’ve unfollowed blogs that I didn’t interact with that morphed into only posting about an interest I didn’t really care about. No harm, no foul.

Or if something I post troubles you and you want to talk about it, okay. My inbox is open. Let me know if I said something that wasn’t cool or hurt you/another person. Maybe I need to do a learn. It happens. If I hurt you with something I post regularly and you want to unfollow, that’s all good. You don’t owe me an explanation or emotional labour on why what I said wasn’t cool with you. I’m not trying to hurt anyone and I’d rather you bring it up so I can learn, but I’m not entitled to your bandwidth. That’s cool. 

But the instant you come screaming into my inbox demanding I cater all my blog content to exactly what you want to see? 

Get out of here.

You’re not paying me to produce or curate specific content for you. If that’s what you’re interested in, I’m more than happy to direct you to other places online where I have a presence specifically for that reason. But those avenues exist with the intent that I will create things my market wants in exchange for getting paid for it. It’s a business.

This is a personal blog where I mostly just dick around and share random stuff I think is neat or important or whatever because I want to. It’s for fun.

See the difference?

I’ve been on this hellsite for over 11 years. 11. Fucking. Years. Before that was LiveJournal, and various fansites, and web forums held together with duct tape and scrap code. And much as this is a nicer platform than anywhere else I used to hang out, I miss how much people on those old sites seemed to better grasp the concept that the entire internet is not required to cater to your exact tastes and when it doesn’t, you are responsible for moving on. 

So, no, you don’t get to demand that I keep all the “serious stuff” off my blog because you want to keep your dash a real-world-free place.  You also don’t get to demand that I stop posting pictures of puppies or fashion or fandoms or whatever just because you think I can’t care about something important unless I post only about that 24/7. (Which... lmao.) Use. The. Tags. Or unfollow. This isn’t an airport; no need to announce your departure. Either one. I don’t care. You do you. But want to control what I post? Rates start at roughly $100/hr. Pay up or stfu about this little personal corner of the internet and remove yourself if you hate it so much.

Fuckin’ yikes, y’all. Seriously. Tumblr drama, the curse that keeps on cursing, I guess.

[oldbluethings]

The Cold Ones (Doctor Strange fanfic)

This is a story I've been working on for a while, but haven't really come close to finishing yet. This fic is my side piece, basically.

It's the sequel to Spark and Fade (and also Children of the Old Moon, but not as much) so it might help to read SnF first. I thought I would start posting bits to Tumblr as I finished, mostly because I hate having WIPs on AO3, but I have a lot of unfinished things and I get restless, so... I'll post this to AO3 when I finish it, which will be in approximately three years.

Anyway, most people following me are Dr. Strange fans, so why the F not? Here's the first bit. I'm not doing a summary.

Also, I apparently can't do 'read more' line breaks anymore on this hellsite, so y'all just gonna have to scroll past this shit if you don't want to read it.

The Cold Ones, ch 1

Fandom: Doctor Strange, MCU

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Stephen Strange/Karl Mordo

Genre: magical mystery, angst, smut, action/adventure

Characters: Stephen Strange, Wong, Karl Mordo, Everett Ross, Original Characters

Warnings: nah

***

He swore he’d rather spend an eternity in a tentacle-infested swamp dimension than ever come back here, but here he is.

Stephen looks around at the blank white walls, the sealed door. He scratches at an electrode that's pulling irritatingly on the hair on his chest. There's only one window. He can see Everett Ross and his assorted techs and minions sitting behind the glass, staring at him. He stares back. "Don't you know any other magic people you can torment?" he calls.

Ross's cheerful voice comes through the intercom. "None half as charming as you, Strange."

He snorts, he can't help it. Ross is a bastard, but at least he's an amusing bastard. Occasionally.

There’s not much to do in here except walk in circles. Stephen steps carefully around the only other thing in the room with him—a plexiglass box, about one foot square, sitting in the center of the room. The hinged lid is locked and there are small holes in the sides, almost as if it might contain something alive. It doesn't, though, he can tell. Still, he keeps a wary eye on the box, says, “You guys don't have the budget to give me a chair?”

“Any unnecessary objects in the room might interfere with the test.” Dr. Thompson’s voice this time. She strikes Stephen as one of those people who excelled in medical school only to discover she was just slightly too much of a sociopath to ever be a good doctor. Experimenting on people is probably a better career choice for her.

He finishes another circuit of the room, lets the silence stretch on until he can't take the growing restlessness anymore. And, still, nothing happens. “What exactly am I supposed to be doing in here?”

“Relax, Strange.” Ross again, and then Dr. Thompson, “We’re just finishing up some final calibrations.”

He sighs and nods. The fact that he’s trapped in here is entirely his fault; he asked for this.

Just two weeks ago, he was sitting at a booth in his favorite coffee shop, waiting for Ross, and trying hard not to fidget.

He'd always liked this place—the coffee was good and the servers were quick and efficient. The place was never crowded. He could sit and think without worrying about being bothered. And the alley out back was always empty and didn't stink too badly, so opening a portal there was never much of a risk.

He lifted his mug of coffee with both hands—too sore on that damp, cold day to fold his stiff fingers around the handle—and took a sip, watched the people hurrying past the window in the rainy street outside.

He didn't have to wait long. The bells over the door jingled and then Everett Ross was sliding into the booth across from him, dressed in his usual gray suit—always expensive, but understated—shaking out and then fastening his umbrella closed with quick efficient movements. His hair was slicked back, not a strand out of place. Stephen wondered if the suit was meant to match the hair, or if it was just a coincidence that they were the exact same color.

Once settled, Ross folded his hands on the table and smiled his smug smile, all self-assured confidence. “Strange,” he said, and nodded. Stephen scowled back, but tipped his head fractionally.

The waitress materialized beside them and Ross ordered a coffee with cream. He watched her walk away, then turned back to Stephen. "So," he said. "You called me. And here I am."

“Yes.” Stephen cleared his throat and tried to resist the urge to tap his foot on the floor. "I called you,” he said slowly, still not quite sure if this was a good idea and stalling for just a little more time. “I... want to make a deal with you."

"Oh?" Ross feigned innocence, but that smug smile crept back onto his face. He knew exactly why Stephen had called him. Ross fiddled with the cream for a moment, before looking back up. "And what sort of deal do you think I'd be interested in?"

"Mary Jacobsen," Stephen said. "She wants to go to college. I need the police and your people to back off and leave her alone. You know she had nothing to do with the murder of her parents. She's just a kid. She has no interest in ever working for you or your agency.”

Ross made a scoffing sound. “I'm a great boss, actually. Everyone loves working for me.”

Stephen chose to ignore Ross’s joke. “And... she'll need a new identity, too, so she can't be found. There are still people out there who might be looking for her. Dangerous people."

Ross gave him a shrewd look. “People like your friend, Karl Mordo?”

Stephen didn't like the way Ross emphasized the word friend like that. He wished he could enjoy the distraction of a sip of coffee right now. But picking up the mug in front of Ross would just reveal more weakness. “Maybe.” He settled for a shrug, instead. “That's not your concern.”

Ross stared back at him for a long moment. "You're asking for a lot,” he mused, sliding his coffee mug against the napkin. They both knew he wasn't, not for someone with Ross’s connections, but in the end it didn't matter—Stephen needed what Ross had and there was no good way around it.

Ross abandoned his mug and started tapping his finger against the table. He still hadn’t taken a sip. “And what will you offer me in return?"

Stephen tightened his jaw before answering. "Name your price."

Ross's finger tapped a little faster against the table, the only sign of his interest. He narrowed his eyes at Stephen. "Okay. You already know we're interested in magic. How it works. How to… counter it, if it ever came to that. My team has some tests lined up that require subjects with abilities. They've been hard to find and recruit, for obvious reasons.”

Ross reached out and picked up the mug, finally took a sip. “So, I’d like you to come work for me. On a temporary basis. Help me out with our tests. I think that would be a fair trade to start with. And if, down the line, you need more of my help… then we can renegotiate.”

Stephen knew this was what Ross would ask for, of course. He'd already discussed the possibility with Wong and the other Masters. They'd agreed that it could be useful to see exactly what Ross’s group was interested in, what understanding of the Mystic Arts they already had, if any. Ross was a tricky bastard, but Stephen had dealt with him before. And the man did have integrity. Stephen knew he could be trusted to keep his word. The other Sorcerers had set some conditions, though, on what he could offer Ross. Stephen agreed with them.

"I'll agree to your tests as long as you can assure me they're safe. And I'm not doing more than one a week. If you want more than that you'll have to pay me for my time.”

Ross nodded, eyes eager. Money, apparently, was not an issue.

“But I'm not teaching anyone magic. And I'm not revealing the names of any other Sorcerers or the location of Kamar-Taj. If any of your people want to learn, they can seek us out and ask to be accepted just like everyone else."

Ross took another sip of coffee and pretended to think it over. "Deal,” he said.

They shook on it that day, over the table, Stephen extending his hand reluctantly to seal his fate. And now here he was, standing in a white room, staring at a plexiglass box on the ground, waiting for something to happen.

Ross had kept his word, at least, as Stephen knew he would. Mary’s got a new last name, some very convincing documents, and a spot at Molloy College for the upcoming fall semester. And the tests so far haven't been terrible, just tedious. Like performing magic in an MRI machine, which was awkward, but not difficult.

Stephen’s never been in this particular room before, though. He glances over his shoulder, but Ross and his lackeys are now engrossed in the monitors in front of them.

There's a sound, then—a faint, high-pitched hum, growing steadily louder. Stephen tilts his head curiously. It sounds almost organic, rising and falling like the call of some insect. And it seems to be coming from the box on the floor. He still can’t sense anything alive inside.

“Can you actually hear that?” Dr. Thompson asks through the intercom. She sounds surprised.

“Yeah, it’s—” He’s about to say incredibly irritating, when a blast of icy air hits him. “What the hell is that?” he mutters. There aren’t any vents it could be coming from. “Don’t tell me you’re going to give me hypothermia,” he calls.

“Are you feeling cold?” Dr. Thompson asks.

That’s odd. “Yes, I—” But the sound suddenly reaches a screech that’s almost unbearable, accompanied by a stabbing pain right above his eyes. His skull is literally vibrating. The fucking room is vibrating. Stephen grabs at his head. “Can you shut that noise off? I—”

And then the world suddenly drops away from under his feet.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the one thing I hated while I was doing my arts degree, and still hate after having graduated from it, is the condescending statement/belief from people that “oh why didn’t you just do a more useful degree like maths or science???? and not your useless bullshit mickey mouse arts degree, which was never intended to give anyone jobs outside of teaching, anyway!” or some other horrendous bullshit, such as: “why didn’t you just stay with communication & media studies and complete the marketing & PR major???? you would’ve had a job after all of the unpaid internships you do throughout the course!” or whatever. (media and communications is abbreviated to m&cs further down in this post, just an fyi).

but, meredith. do you know that even people with science & maths degrees struggle to find meaningful work that’s related to their degrees? do you know that some of those people will turn to teaching anyway just because they feel like there’s nothing else that they can do??? do you know that some people (mainly me and probably quite a few others) just can’t handle maths past like idk year 6 level??? I would’ve been completely and utterly fucked if I even tried to set foot in first year uni science or maths subjects. even though some of the content did interest me.... (also there’s the fact that my handwriting wasn’t good enough for diagrams etc etc in maths & science- but that’s a whole other topic not for this post).

like I had to totally skip out of psychology/sociology and even the PR major, bc they required you to do statistics subjects.... where no matter what level of study I would’ve/could’ve done for those subjects, i would’ve still failed them spectacularly because my mind really struggles with processing and working with numbers. but that’s besides the point.

hey earl, do you know some people simply do not suit particular fields of “real world” or “practical” study areas like business subjects? trust me. I tried that one sem of marketing 101 and intro to management/ business communications in first year. and you know what I found? that my mind just could not take the complete and utter dryness of the content of marketing theory and, again, numbers. and that’s despite the earnest encouragement of my tutor, who thought I had a knack for marketing. i literally almost fucking died in that business communications subject... even though the lecturer seemed to like me as well. but as i thought further ahead into my degree in comms & media, i dreaded it. I absolutely fucking dreaded it. the PR stuff sounded as equally dry & boring (besides the point that every project was group work lmao) and so did upper level marketing subs in advertising/marketing strategy/various fields of marketing etc etc. i couldn’t stomach that lmao. and besides the point, the analysing of media just bored the fuck out of me too, for some reason. I just didn’t like the subject. hell, even my advanced diploma in marketing from business college was a fucking hard slog for me.

but when i sat in my english, philosophy, (kind sorta) history and -further down the track- creative writing subjects.... I fucking loved them. I was writing like I’d always wanted to. okay yes I did get pretty dismal marks in most of my philosophy and english exams or assignments. but I don’t fucking care. I was there doing what my mind was built for. if id tried another business subject, like intro to economics or even gone back to redo that “intro to management”/“business communications” (or whatever it was called) as an elective/as electives, i probably would’ve dropped out of either of them in the first 2 weeks. whenever i read those subject descriptions, they literally put me to sleep.

also, for the media and comms point. do you know that there’s loads of media & comms students that don’t get jobs because there’s just such a HUGE intake of students in those courses??? do you know that that the most popualr field in that degree stream (at least when I started that degree at my local home uni in 2015) was journalism & professional writing??? where literally EVERYONE was aiming to be a journalist????

I was one of the very, very few people when I began in media and comms, to outwardly say that she was there to do marketing or maybe the marketing & PR double major.... and everyone looked at me as if I was insane. “why don’t you want to be a journalist? I think journalism is so cool and that I’m more likely to get a job in that than you are in marketing or PR. you actually engage with real people in journalism and do meaningful stuff with the community!” was one of the utterly dumb responses I sometimes got from people in that course, when I told them the above. but you know what kelsey, or, trent? neither one or any of us are “more likely” to get jobs in media & comms... when you’re both competing against people with “proper” straight journalism degrees who might have more media experience than you- if you didn’t do an internship or do some uni newsroom/magazine or whatever.... or maybe more streamlined (if that’s the right word) media &comms degrees.... as well as generally competing against each other, in the same field, for the fucking same exact jobs. while im competing against commerce students doing marketing and PR and people doing the PR & marketing major in m&cs.

also in relation to the above, doing multiple unpaid or even severely underpaid internships in journalism, or even marketing, probably won’t fucking secure your chance of getting a bloody job, adam. just shut the fuck up. those internships may have helped you. but they most likely won’t help most people, theresa. because there’s only a tiny freakin chance that the place that they worked for will actually give them a guranteed job at the end of their internship’s timeframe or at the end of their whole degree. it’s a fucking scam lmao.

and plus, (not to be as rude as you were to me).... but why the FUCK would you want to go into journalism.... when it’s been debased so fucking much by media outlets like buzzfeed; writing nothing but clickbait bullshit listicles.... and is polluted by internet virality.... so much so, that more than half of the people my course had the career goal of being a viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? like i’m sorry. this is a dumb asf course, no matter the field you’ve chosen to study.... and there’s no way that a single one of you will be a successful viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? what on fucking earth led you to believe that????

like no offence. but there’ll only be a lucky, lucky, lucky few who get to be the next jennamarbles, ray william johnson, pewdiepie, lily singh, tanya hennessy, jeffree star, james charles, etc etc.... or hell, even friendlyjordies (if you want some satire & politics). and for instagrammers.... idek know them. someone list some instagrammers lmao. but my point still stands.

being an influencer or youtuber- both with huge followings- is a fucking pipe dream- as much as me being a hugely successful author is. it only goes to the insanely lucky, lucky few who have the right connections and the right digital savviness/finesse to grow to be uber successful.... or who started super early, before it was even considered a job title (like jenna mourey/marbles and ray william johnson listed above, and several others not listed who have big fan followings on here) and eventually grew to be the first original titans of the youtuber job title.

or again, they already have some type of other successful media career (like tanya hennessy is an aussie radio announcer. jeffree star had a short lived myspace music career in the late 000s mostly, and made cameos in emo music videos and LA ink at the time also, for example) so that they can successfully fund their youtube channels and/or instagrams as side projects or whatever, as part of their media portfolio.... and they also know how to engage and grow follower bases etc. because they already have an existing one. so it’s twice as easy for them.

tbh i actually entered the m&cs course bc of my use of this hellsite and all the weird trends it had and stuff.... but I eventually got over that as I realised that I just did NOT fit into that field of study. I realised I was too shy... and I also just hated the fact that I had to learn how to use twitter and wordpress and probably eventually snapchat & instagram 😂

i had also gotten sick of follower counts and “growing a following”- considering that by 2015, I’d hit over 3,000 followers on here, I think.... and I realised just what energy and time it took to build this blog.... and my followers.... that I just didn’t have the energy to expend on other platforms for the same thing lmao. like it seemed like more wasted time. I was tired. in addition to that, i also realised that i didn’t want to waste my whole fucking career on the internet worrying over a business’s/company’s multiple corporate social media channel follower counts and image etc.... when i’d done enough of that for myself on this hellsite lmao. doing that stuff with other students in the m&cs course seemed fake asf, especially when it came to giving feedback comments etc lol.

but do you know that one place where you don’t have to give a flying fuck about followers, post views/comments, and blog views? philosophy and english. lmao 😅. no one gives a fuck what you say. unless, of course, you have the evidence and the force of argument to back your pov up. that’s what I was about and am still about. I loved reading and analysing the many books I had to read (contrary to the complaint posts that I made on here lmao)- whereas learning about media and who owned what and how media is manufactured- just made my brain freeze. and although I didn’t do my readings in philosophy (lmao)- i enjoyed a good bulk of the content I had and the issues it involved. doing media & journalism subjects in the m&cs degree, on the other hand, terrified me, bc it meant I had to get in front of a camera and speak- which also scared me bc i look & sound terrible on camera lmao 😂. but I didn’t have to do that almost throughout the entirety of my arts degree (im obvs not counting class presentations in this lol). but do you get my point???

and also the teaching comment. don’t get me wrong, i know a good bunch of people go into teaching after their arts degrees... including many of my friends; and a load of the people I was in my arts degree with. but that is mainly because with other degrees like journalism or media & comms or whatever other fields that they overload into uni arts departments- have taken our job titles away, in a sense....

so, then you’re practically forced to either go into teaching, or go into something outside of your expertise; like idek human resources management/a MBA via a masters.... or, again into something like librarianship via postgrad study- so, that for the love of fucking god- you have a job title to whack next to your name-!!!-instead of just “arts graduate” or “english major” or “philosopher” that all mean fuck all. and that’s because those labels sound vague, unhelpful, undefined and useless; as that’s opposed to something like “teacher” or “librarian” or even “information specialist”. all those titles/labels sound defined, and have actual useful concrete skills: like coding, database creation and maitenance & information retrieval (amongst other things), for a librarian/an information specialist, for example. these skills are then translated into something that you can physically demonstrate to people.... unlike with philosophy and english where people perceive that it’s just “all in your head” and “doesn’t produce anything worthwhile” bc of your very obvious skills that everyone has of communication and writing. like idk. anyway.

anyway here’s my rant for november.

[nongoxi]

Hewwo internet I guess first post on this hellsite for the first time in a long time...? Idk what I’m fully expecting here, I think I want this to be a journal? A safe place to say what I feel without being judged for how I feel about it. Obviously I want professional help, but right now I don’t feel that this is possible, and I feel guilty trying to pay for it.

Background on that; I live with a very nice roommate who lets me live with him for nothing. He doesn’t ask anything of me and usually we try to split house duties about 50/50. Anyway, that’s irrelevant and tbh if I could go get a job, I definitely would.

I do feel guilty for not being able to work well, at least not from what I’ve learned about myself. Every time I try, I get so fucked in the head and end up quitting after a few weeks because I can’t handle it...

I’ve been diagnosed with so many things at this point that idk what to believe. CPTSD, regular PTSD, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, probably some other thing that I’m entirely unaware of. Who knows. I’ve been undiagnosed with DPD and BPD so that’s at least good? Idk, BPD was a large stretch by what seemed like a pill pushing asshole. And DPD came after that with a proper evaluation. Its been over 5 years since then though, and recent therapy sessions have said I more than likely don’t fit that diagnostic criteria anymore. So yay for improvement?

Depression and anxiety make sense, but I honestly think they’re symptoms of cPTSD (which was originally thought to be PTSD or PTSD like symptoms depending who you ask). I feel most hopeless when it’s like... in relation to past trauma and I can usually function well until something triggers me. Then it’s just breakdown after breakdown that could possibly last for two or three hours, maybe longer. I’ve only really had a few strong flashbacks... those were scary, being encompassed by an abuser who still follows me some places online. Yet I still question if I’m the true abuser, even though I really have no ill will towards anyone who’s ever harmed me. I just want peace I guess. Idk, it’s hard to know if I’ve ever been super toxic or abusive myself you know? Like, just trying to control my own life and my own will. Trying to gauge what’s good for me or not and make choices that are for myself idk. I’m not making much sense anymore so I’ll move on I think.

I’ve tried multiple different types of medication, mostly SSRIs and benzos and firstly, benzos are trash don’t get me started on the major addiction I was starting to develop or the emotional want of that high in the first place. Second, SSRIs pretty much always just make me wanna like... not exist. Like in the bad way. I’ve been on a few mood stabilisers and I’m allergic to the most common one, so that was fun dealing with whether or not the rash was gonna spread to my mouth. It didn’t, but you know, it was on my chin so let’s just not think about that anymore. I think the sad thing is, I want to be better, I really do. But with having taken probably over 30 medications with no help so far? I just want to get better without medicine. It feels like I’m always forced to take medications that I don’t want to though. You want therapy? Gotta have a psychiatrist too. Why? Idk, money? Maybe? I feel like therapy would be more productive if I could deal without having to have a medication station looking over my shoulder, ready to shove pills between my lips though. I’m tired of medicine.

Even Wellbutrin makes me feel like I want to self harm or not exist. Using it to stop smoking has been painful and honestly I’m still smoking just as much so? Guess it’s not working anyway. I’ll tell my gp about this at any rate, because she seems like she’s the only doctor who actually listens to me when I say something.

Speaking of which, I need to write a list of what things I’m feeling so I can give it to her. I’m scared, but I think it would benefit me in the end. And maybe she’ll listen to me about the “potential” ED I have. Look, I know I have food problems, I exhibit a lot of fucking symptoms of A, B, and BED but haha I’m fat so no one listens. Look, going through a binge phase for like 4 months straight and feeling uncontrollable urges to eat the whole house? Gaining 20 pounds in that time? 5 pounds a month isn’t that bad but bruh I weigh enough that my daily caloric intake is 2900 without exercise for maintain. Like 3500-4000 cals a day isn’t normal can we just discuss that thanks??? Anyway. No doctor wants to hear it and I always get the “write your calories down” stuff which makes me just... want to control it down to 1200 or less a day and. I try so hard not to do that and I’m stuck now. I don’t know what to do anymore and I need help but lmao wow that’s.. Impossible to get when you’re fat I guess. And it’s not just “I’m 180 pounds I’m so fat”, no I’m around the 275-325 mark (no exact details because I really don’t want people to know who I am or how I may look physically, if anyone ever actually finds this).

Idk where to even go from here. I feel better writing this out. I have no clue what to even remotely say. I wanted to vent and I guess I did so, but I didn’t really vent about what I wanted to, so now I’m just confused. Hell, I barely remember what I wanted to vent about so this is probably better. Imma sign off on this though for now, maybe I’ll be back. Who knows.

Btw, call me Nogi if you wanna use a name. I’m agender, but I’m comfortable with any pronouns (they/she/he/it). I’m 25. I’d prefer minors not interact with me, and that’s about the only reason I bring up age. So if you’re a minor, please leave.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to speak about how I feel and vent. Maybe reblog cute things? Or vent things? But mostly I’m here for me. Respect that.

[cardentist]

I’m making another new post just for space conservation, but here’s a link to what this is in response to here (X,X) @seishana you’re Still hiding in replies but whatever I’m gonna tackle these a bit out of order but the order isn’t very cohesive anyways and anyone curious as to what was sent when can just check the notes

I also won’t be responding to everything because not everything is worth responding to

I’ve said it before but apparently I have to say it again, there was nothing on the original post that indicated that it was a vent post, there was nothing on it or in the original notes about them not wanting it to be reblogged or interacted with, and by the time I saw it it had almost 200 notes with zero complaints from op. op only had an issue with anyone interacting with that post when someone disagreed with them. they didn’t even mention that it was a vent post until their second reply. so no, I don’t think it’s morally wrong for me to interact with a “vent post” when it’s indistinguishable from any other discourse post and when the complaint only came up hours after the original interaction. and again, lets assume for a hot second that I’m right, or at least picture a totally different situation between two totally different people. someone saying something potentially harmful isn’t suddenly okay when it’s a vent. personal responsibility doesn’t vanish when you’re upset. it being a vent post doesn’t make it free from criticism

there is an argument that could be made about me continuing to interact after the fact that it was mentioned to be a vent post I suppose, but by that point they were openly insulting me and lying about the things that I said, as I’ve already pointed out. I have the right to defend myself if they’re going to openly slander me.

And Again. if they’re allowed to say whatever they want because it’s a vent, if disagreeing with a vent is inherently wrong, then why is it different when I’m the one venting? I was upset, I felt hurt, I was just venting my feelings too. but I have to be held accountable while they don’t? if I shouldn’t be allowed to disagree with them because they were upset then why are you allowed to disagree with me when I was upset

moreover, it’s not specific to transwomen? like, obviously transmisogyny itself is, but intracommunity bigotry isn’t a one way street? and treating it like it is was part of what set me off the in first place. which, I actually spelled it out in another reblog of the post earlier, so here that is (X)

and A G A I N as I said earlier, trans men only have any form of privilege in spaces progressive enough for them to have social capital, which isn’t most of the world. my point was never and has never been that trans men aren’t or can’t be transmisogynistic, even though op has actively lied to put those words in my mouth, it’s that the potential violence between different kinds of trans people is Lateral Aggression and that specifically trying to paint trans men as more privileged, especially on this hellsite where oppression is treated like discourse points and social capital, works to take away the severity of intracommunity bigotry that trans men face.  like

op claims that the ability to bigoted towards another group of people is predicated on them having privilege over them. without the privilege there is no bigotry. that line of logic directly concludes that trans women cannot be bigoted towards trans men because trans men hold privilege over trans women. that is what that line of thought is saying

and you saying that it’s an issue Specific to trans women is telling me that you agree with that line of thought. and I really don’t feel like I should have to point out that it’s bigoted towards trans men to insist that bigotry they face isn’t real or doesn’t matter.

it’s literally not transmisogynistic to point out when someone is minimizing the oppression of another minority 

op has compared trans men and/or me specifically to:

- cis men - straight men - The Police

- transmeds - terfs - Terfs A Second Time

they literally did that thing you said they didn’t do from the beginning for the entire time. the closest they got to apologizing was saying that they only said it because trans men have gotten upset with them generalizing trans men before, which isn’t an Excuse. 

trans men can be all of those things (well except for cis men obviously), but that doesn’t make comparing All Trans Men to them okay? for the exact same reason that it isn’t okay to compare lesbians as a group to terfs. if they didn’t mean to do that then they had plenty of opportunity to correct themselves or say sorry or Something, but they didn’t. I’m not going to accept an apology that was never made

from my original response:

I Openly Acknowledged that trans men can be transmisogynistic And that those people should be held accountable by the broader community. it is an issue when bigoted people burrow into our community and hurt our other members and I have never once said or implied anything to the contrary. you guys just keep saying and implying that I have so you can justify calling me bigoted when I haven’t said anything bad about trans women.

I’ve stated Multiple Times Now that my issue with the post was never what it was saying about trans women but what it was implying or outright saying about trans men. it’s possible for someone to advocate for something good in a bad way and calling them out on the bad parts of their speech doesn’t mean disagreeing with the good

and again, That Is My Point assigning Valid Points and discourse validity by way of privilege leads to a trans man pointing out when something bad has been said about trans men being labeled as “speaking over trans women” you’re speaking about trans men, I am a trans man, I have the right to an opinion on it. and it’s specifically this sort of thing that makes me upset when trans men are labeled as privileged, because it almost always translates to trans men being minimized in trans spaces, treated like their problems aren’t as important, or outright vilified. and that’s literally, exactly happening

everything I’ve pointed out that made me uncomfortable with the original post has played out in response to me pointing it out

[someonehadto]

Someone had to rant (2)

Hello Tumblr, what are we doing this fine midnight? Or whatever time it is where you live.

Today I realised that most, if not all of my social interactions are done with me being a feminist. It's a part of my identity as unchangeable as my skin or eye colour. It's something I've tried very hard to internalise and live, and though it sets me on the edge most of the time with mine and others' behaviour, it's an excellent way to live, in my opinion.

However, what I realised today (some of you have had this moment earlier and posted about it, I'm sure, but the colours are sharper and the sounds more piercing when you live it) was that when people learn I'm a feminist, their interaction with me becomes remarkably coloured.

I was on the phone with an older male friend. When I told him that I spent a lot of time on Tumblr, he wished to know what my beloved hellsite was all about. When I mentioned the feminism that forms such a large part of the side of Tumblr I inhabit, he wanted me to say that once again. I knew I was heading into deep waters, but proclaimed it once more. His exact words were "someonehadto, I am so judging you right now".

His reasons for not being feminist were twofold: one, he laid much emphasis on culture, and two, he found some of the things feminists protested against abhorrent. Now I'm exceedingly naïve, so i didn't realise what those things were. Looking back, he might have been talking about abortion, and (gods, I hope not) Pride.

To put it in the most mercenary way possible, I need him in my life. He is a valuable mentor on many things and I dare not sour my relationship with him. However, I wasn't about to let my life's principles be demolished by yet another straight male (he isn't white, neither am I).

So I explained that a culture which cannot tolerate differences is harmful, and had to give him an example of how Galileo was persecuted for his heliocentric theory.

Seriously.

To make a man believe that I need equality, and that tradition which benefits him does not benefit all the same way, I expended valuable labour. At the end, I told him I confined my feminism to online platforms, and that when I mentioned it to people I interacted with in real life, it would change things with them. I also added that I did not wish to force him to change his beliefs, and neither was I about to compromise on mine. There was so much to watch and learn from, and if he chose to change his ideas, the onus for that would be on him.

I'd rant more, but I'm out of things to say.

Feminists stand together.

Let's smash the patriarchy, racism and every man-made construct that seeks to pit us against each other on criteria without reason behind them.