#this is what i do aparently after a character dies

[mutenized]

Caterwaul - 1

Romania was your home; one you knew so well as you traveled with your family. Yet when your beloved father lost his high paying job, the company he once found as his competitor offered him a new position; he couldn't help but say yes. It was too late when he realized it was a ploy. In the middle of the night, you were taken away from comfort. You were treated like a princess for the first week, of course - you were only six, but the moment you began to disobey and cry for your family, the experiments began. Chemically engineered serums were given to you just to see what the outcomes would be. They didn’t care if you died. They wanted power. What they didn’t know was that over the ten years you were in their custody, you got stronger with each injection of their newest and modified concoction. Just as they took you, you disappeared in the middle of the night with the help of a rogue employee. It’s now 2016, you’ve graduated from Midtown High and have a partner in anti-crime.

New York City has a name for you.

Caterwaul.

Characters: TASM! Peter Parker, mentions of Gwen Stacy, Flash, and Aunt May

Ship: TASM! Peter Parker x Gender-neutral! reader

Warning(s): angsty! There are mentions of anxiety/panic attacks, grief, weapons, loss of life, light self-loathing, kidnapping, trauma, torture, etc. NOTHING EXTREMELY DETAILED

A/N: Caterwaul is a synonym for scream, which, will come handy later on in the series. I was watching Tick, Tick, Boom and inspo. struck like a ton of bricks. I genuinely should be cleaning right now but....

Word Count: 1.9k

MASTERLIST

Sitting in the middle of New York City’s biggest park was usually a tourist’s dream; the beautiful scenery paired with people watching and not to mention, the history surrounding every square inch. Yet to you, it was the best place to stalk your prey. That being the people of the underground crime groups, those who found their purpose serving criminal overlords, or the ones that had enough money to fund their radical ideals to make the city you call home their very own palace or playing grounds. Though your face was tucked down into a book that you had randomly plucked off the shelf of your worn-down bookcase, your ears picked up every sharp detail of those passing by. Enhanced hearing that you gained after being held captive by one of these underground crime circuits as a child in Romania helped you filter through innocent tourists and citizens trying to make ends meet from the men with deep pockets and their equally corrupt followers who, you find, cannot keep their mouths shut.

Picking up on the sudden clammer of rubber soles of steel toed boots, your spine straightened, and ears perked up as you tuned into the group of three people walking past. Their hushed tones paired with racing heartbeats gave away their excitement, or was it anxiety? That was something you could decipher later but for now, you picked up a pen and began to scribble notes into the empty margins of the chapter your eyes were focused on with a dead stare.

‘Kingsbridge Heights, big meeting, construction site, ‘big boss unveiling new weapons’

Well Shit.

With a huff, you catch other details you found pertinent to finding out the actual location and who “big boss” is. Once the three were out of sight, your hands worked quickly in pulling out your phone. This was the moment you were thankful for the irreversible trauma you experienced from the ages of 6 to 16. Not only did you have enhanced hearing but also enhanced strength and agility, making jumping from rooftop ledge to rooftop ledge as easy as snapping your fingers. Fingertips grazed the keys of your cellphone before pressing send, your book long forgotten in the messenger bag strapped to your side.

With a buzz, you gazed to the screen and a smirk played on your lips while you reached for your skateboard. Pushing off the concrete of Central Park, you made sure to swerve carefully between those walking in front of you. All you wanted to do was get back to the apartment you shared with your best friend, you had met when you transferred to the same high school as him when you found yourself creating a new beginning for yourself and fill him in on what you overheard in detail. The feeling of uneven pavement vibrated your legs as you moved from the smooth pavement to the roads made for those who were well off enough to keep their cars in the city and the annoyingly yellow cabs that littered ever block, swerving through traffic with protest from angry cabbies who blared their horns at any inconvenience that would prevent them from making money.

Shrill rings filled your ears which broke you from the serene thoughts that fluttered around your head like that one God awful PowerPoint transition that Flash would use for every. Single. Project.

  Parker. 

Couldn’t he wait until your home in 20 minutes? What did you expect? This is the same kid who spoiled The Force Awakens an hour before he was going out to see it just because he couldn’t wait for the redemption of his favorite movie series.

“Yes Parker?” your voice was soft and melodic against the bustling streets you continued to weave through, though some playful annoyance laced your tone. “What did you find oh so important that you couldn’t wait for my beautiful, ethereal presence?”

An airy scoff filled your ears before rambling and deep breaths. Peter knew to slow down the moment he heard a long pause on your end. It was a habit you both picked up after years of being in each other’s company. “Ok so,” a sigh, “I was already in the area and from what I’ve seen there’s..um..there’s about two dozen construction sites.” Your shoulders shrugged as you turned swiftly down the alley that protected you from anyone who may be listening to you. You could never be too careful in a city that had many characters that had varying intentions.

Peter continued on, the soles of your shoes catching the cobblestone and your free hand grabbing your skateboard before you continued your trek on foot. “5 of them are owned by different father and son companies that are located in the Bronx, 4 are family-owned businesses based in Jersey. The rest? Big name companies that are responsible for putting up those fancy new business buildings and multi-million-dollar apartments around Midtown. However, three companies are- hold on.”

Thwhips and thuds as well as the skidding of gravel on clothed feet signaled to you that Peter was home, you were close behind. A laugh left your lips as you looked up to the sky only to see a panicked red blur flinging off clothes and pulling on a different piece of clothing.

“Pete, I can see you. Go next to the water tower next time.” Pushing through the front doors of your apartment building, you quickly made your way up the stairwell before shoving your key into the slot of the handle. Pushing the door in, you caught your platonic other half hopping around the living room to fix his appearance. “Pete,” another laugh escaped you as you threw your bag to the sofa before patting his back and plopping on the beaten down leather couch beside your bag.

Peter Parker’s secret identity wasn’t so secret to you, especially after the death of his girlfriend and your other best friend, Gwen Stacy. You could sense his heartbreak from miles away and the way he folded into your arms that night confirmed everything to you. His guilt. His loss. The full empty feeling one would feel when losing the love of their life.

-

“I’m responsible for her death though. You don’t understand.” His voice waivered as tears flowed from his eyes and down his cheeks like his own personal waterfalls. Your thumb stopped the flow from dribbling down his chin and making even more of a mess through you didn’t mind. This was the same kid who introduced you to his family as ‘his super cool bloody friend’ because on your first day at Midtown High you decided to get into a fist fight with Flash after he said some unpleasant words about Peter and Gwen’s relationship.

“Pete, help me to understand, then. I want to be there for you.” You always regretted the words that left you next, he even knew that. “I know you. I know you hold things so close to you and worry that you’re going to stress me or Aunt May out but you’re not. You aren’t at fault for this just like you aren’t responsible for Mr. Stacy’s death and even more so for Uncle Ben’s. These are things you couldn’t stop.”

Chocolate brown hues darted up and searched your face, hurt and pain reignited in him and every bone in his body told him to run and hide and fight. Peter’s tense muscles and closed fists agreed with the screaming that filled his head. His inner voice, usually the one of irrational and impulsive decisions, seemed completely rational when it was strangling every thought of comfort that he used to usually soothe himself during his commonly occurring panic attacks. Yet, he stayed. His eyes screwed shut, his hands now opening and closing into balled fists as a way to help himself keep grounded.

“I’m Spider-Man.” He expected more than you gave. No gasp, no fright, no concerned look of ‘how the fuck did that happen?!’ Just understanding in that moment. Your arms tightened around him and brought his head into your shoulder. You allowed him to feel his feelings with no judgement, his tears for his lost love now turned to years of pent-up grief and guilt mixed oh so deliciously with relief. Relief that he didn’t have to hide anymore. Not from you, the person he JUST rented an apartment with.

-

“Okay so as you were saying on the phone,” pulling out the book that held all the notes you could fit into the margins, he plopped next to you and pulled his laptop to his legs and beckoned you to lean into his side. His fingers glided over the keyboard before his tech ran quickly and sectioned off the areas of Kingsbridge Heights that was being gentrified. “These few here are all coming from Fisk Enterprises. They helped build the OsCorp building and lost a good chunk of change when, well, you know, happened.” Swallowing hard, Peter pointed to a block near the Bronx School of Sciences while quickly pulling up local news articles and public social media posts from those who presumably lived in the area or went to the school the construction is taking place near.

“See, the public is against this. If their blueprint gets accepted by the city, then all they have to do is offer these landlords enough money that they see their new luxury lives and forget about their tenants who get nothing. Then Fisk Enterprises will move in, take down all those buildings just to create a new habitation for the wealthy.” Peter pulled over posts from a few different landlords who had already heard from lawyers that a heavy NDA may be put onto them if they sell their properties.

“But would people being against a future property warrant a crime spree with new weapons? Peter, I think they’ve created something new. This isn’t just a person with money upset that those who live in the borough are against their big plans. This is a person who has money, resources, and power who will do anything to get what he wants. We must investigate.” It clicked. Everything clicked. Whoever was behind the name Fisk Enterprises was going to do more than displace everyone in Kingsbridge. They were readying for war. They want to flatten the Bronx.

That night you and Peter perched on the ledge overlooking the project that initially raised red flags. With a mask similar to Peter’s over your face and a suit that had a matching grey-ish silver and black color scheme, you both noted the unusual foot traffic. “60 on the inside. 5 flanking each side, the other 45 are spread out.” You focused carefully to the different voices and patterns of speech that filled the ground floor of the base building’s skeleton. “Whoever just got there, they have the power. Everyone went silent. Heartbeats are through the roof.”

Peter only acknowledged your words with a nod and a knowing tilt of his head. Swinging around the backside of the location, you watched to make sure he wasn’t sighted before leaping to different rooftops and swinging yourself. Though you weren’t genetically modified by a spider like you friend, you did have similar abilities to the man as well as your secret weapon, so it made sense when, after you shared your secret with Peter, the next day you woke up to him holding a handmade suit with similar web shooters to his embedded in the wrists in front of your groggy face.

-

“Spider-team, caterwaul?”

[sololosabelaluna]

and you have a right to be mad at the finale!! we all were!! it makes no fucking sense for them. it hit so hard esp since i watched this live during the pandemic and god for a hopeful show, i felt it was so out of place it ended the way it did, esp for THEM. i cant stress it enough. they shouldn't have ended it up like that. i love them so much and the shitty ending won't take away what was built up til ep 14 idc. idk those ppl in the last 2 eps. take some time away from it and watch it again (preferably only to ep 14) it'll feel empty but its a drama i always come back to. im like on my 4th rewatch but i now skip older heedo scenes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi anon! this is bit late but i've been busy and wanted to have time to reply bc i knew i would need to rant about this lmao.

god yes i saw mixed reactions to finale with some people saying it was realistic, but to me it wasn't. like you said for such a hopeful show to end it like that? yeah no (god i cant imagine watching this in real time and during the pandemic, im so sorry)

heedo and yijin breaking up and never speaking again makes no sense after establishing during 13 episodes that the whole fundation of their relatioship was mutual and inconditional support (like, i could understand them breaking up at that point for a bit bc they were both young, but never coming back together and not being in each other's lives anymore ????) (and i hate to compare them like this because i really liked them as a couple but yurim and jiwoong making it through yurim moving to rusia but baekdo not making it through new york?) i think what i find more upsetting is not them not working romantically, but that they are not in each other lives anymore after being so important and so fundational even before they started dating. THEY WERE EACH OTHER'S WHOLE SUPPORT SYSTEM, literally in heedo's words he was the only person who rooted for her even when her own mother didn't, WHICH GETS ME TO MY NEXT POINT

the more i think about it and the reason i dislike the finale the most is that older hee do seems to be so lonely? that aparently she doesn't keep in touch with ANY of them? these people were the only family she had in her teens, her first support system after her dad died. she was so lonely when we started the show and i feel like we ended with older heedo just as lonely. and the thing i hate the most is that the final message of the show is that it is inevitable to lose those things when you get older. that friendship and love are things you only get when you are young. im in my late 20s and things do get more complicated as you grow and it is harder to mantain friendships but it is not impossible if the people are important to you. so i refuse to believe the show telling me that by the time im in my forties im going to be alone. i don't think the heedo we spent 16 episodes with, who grew up so alone and was resigned to live like that before starting the show, deserved to end up in her 40s with only her mother and her daughter (and married to a man we don't even know the name of) and with such bleak outlook in life.

ok this got very long, sorry and thank you for giving and excuse to get all this out anon. aparrently i had a lot to say lmao. as for rewatching the show, im a huge rewatcher of things, but my first reaction when it ended was that i was never going to rewatch it because I was very sad. but rn im on a maybe i could rewatch it skipping the finale because i actually really loved the show and the characters but idk idk let's see. also lol at you skipping older heedo's scene, same THAT'S NOT MY HEEDO.

[curioscurio]

Have u finished losh 2006 yet or are u still watching bc season two………. Still some of the gayest stuff on TV

JUST FINISHED IT AND FELLAS... lads is it gay to be a robot and program a holosuite scenario of you dying dramatically in your crushes arms while being called a hero, then going down a corruption arc and straight up murdering the biggest villain of the season and taking his place only to be called to the side of good once again when said crush goes into ur mind to rescue you by unconditionally believing in your humanity. And you hold him in your arms paralleling the first episode of the season while your crush (fused together with a clone of himself) calls you his hero while completing your narrative arc of your emotions further strengthening your bond to humanity?

Wild that they let Brainy straight up murder Imperiex on what is essentially a children's show but I feel like it helps bridge that gap between Season 2 Brainy and the way they characterized him in Supergirl

ALSO THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK THING THEY DID LMAOOOO i loved it!! Unsurprising though as Wil Wheaton voiced Cosmic Lad haha

Definitely found myself wishing for a crossover episode with Teen Titans, but I guess I gotta go read the comics for that haha 😄

[realcatalina]

Everything wrong with Spanish Princess-1x04

TSP had no idea what English custom were at Tudor times.

It was against customs for royals to go to funeral! It was not unusal at all that Henry VII wouldn’t attend his wife’s funeral. 

Elizabeth was mourned yes(big time), however her death didn’t cause public to turn against Tudors. Margaret Beaufort was no spymaster and Wolsey wasn’t her agent.

Showing the lion without explaining it was Henry VII’s gift to Elizabeth of York, makes whole scene meaningless. Because majority of people don’t know about this, and it just makes whole scene alward. Why is the lion there?! 

Lady Margaret wanting Catherine out-again vilifying her! Lady Margaret was historically for match between Harry and Catherine!!!

Scene in church is very odd-especially prince’s shirt. If that was attempt at blackwork, it failed miserably.

Bull is sacred, a deity?! Holy shit, this show is ripping Catherine’s piety to shreds. They make her heretic! And worst-pep talker ever! Her story would make nobody feel any better. It makes no sense, bull still died of his injuries.

Love birds before their marriage was decided upon? More of Catherine’s pedophilia! (Because she is flirting with child!) More of Rosa ruining herself and being immoral-because aparently everybody was according to TSP. More of poor and dark English court.

Buckingham wasn’t part of council at that time. Lady Margaret was not official regent back then, but she was ruling for a while(while her son mourned) and nobody bat an eye! By the way de la pole never managed to raise an army. They make lady Margaret into power-hungry villain. She wouldn’t call herself a King. No way! 

The idea that lady Margaret had spies all over England and still they didn’t manage to check bedsheets for signs of sex is riduculous. 

What was Catherine applying they were doing with Arthur in their bed, if not sex?! The conversations throughout the TV show is often a word salad! I kind of feel pitty for actors for having to say these poor-written lines!

Lady Margaret is right by pointing lying is sin and is right to not believe the version this Catherine presents. It!’s such obvious lying! 

Because if Catherine was in good health fallowing Arthur’s health(which she was not, because she caught it too), it’d be most suspicious, if she didn’t say she was virgin straight away and let people in suspence over if she was virgin or not.

Catherine was not thrown from the palace. Her own parenst demanded she had separate household-her own, after Elizabeth of York died!!!

All of this is false! And wrongfully villifying lady Margaret Beaufort.

Fake flashback scene with warrior Isabella being wounded from battle(despite her never actually fighting in any!)

Tudor men apparently shave their chests and their hands. News to me. But they don’t all shave their beards-which is historically inccorect! At least for season 1. 

Louis VII was married at the time, how could Catherine marry him?! What are they suggesting-bigamy?

Henry knew his scriptures, but he wouldn’t call spanish alliance their holy grail-this is so false! Right now lady Margaret is only one rightfully concerned by Catherine’s horrible character. That more characters are not pointing it out, is actually very weird. Is it attempt to potray Tudor men as stupid and Catherine being able to outsmart them? Idk.

Durham house was very noble house, suitable for any princess.(I’ll make post about it). They make it so small and, fit for maybe 10 people max. Not 50+ household. 

By the way, no way wedding was set for summer 1503. Henry was to be 11 at summer 1503! Also lady Margaret didn’t ursupe anything, nor was Henry VII allowing her to bully Catherine, nor did Henry VIII ever had falling out with his grandmother. NONE OF THIS HAPPENED!

Once again weird conversations between Catherine and Margaret Tudor. Very lazy writing, and set to apparently show Catherine as strong. 

Lady Margaret taking her son’s letters without asking?! Oh dear lord! This is getting more inaccurate longer you watch this. 

Edmund de la Pole’s identity was long known by time of Elizabeth of York’s death. Habsburgs never supported him! Had no reason to give him funds to raise an army. AND once again English treasury was not empty!!! 

Dudley, yes helped fill royal coffers, but not by giving fines for ridiculous thing.(this is misleading though not entirely untrue) Henry VII himself did tons to raise royal revenues and achieved decent income by 1503. 

Incorrectly stating de la Pole was in Flanders raising army-while in fact he was imprisoned. It was Philip, who didn’t want to hand him over(not his father), fearing English would execute him. Idk why he was bothered by it.

Soldiers being treated as property, as part of dowry?! English at the time were not involved in slavery! And that is exactly what basically was proposed in that council scene! And is totally untrue!

By the way, suddenly Catherine is humble and not demanding bitch?! People’s personalities don’t change so easily. Unless she has big mental issues. Idk-borderline personality disorder, narcism? But clearly not right in her head! 

Catherine acts as if she is willing to fallow God, yet she breaks his rules!!! They make her into total hypocrite! 

Tbh, the damask for Margaret Tudor’s dress would be way more better for Catherine’s wedding dress, than the horrible satin damask they used! This is way whiter! (would be still wrong fabric, but acceptable.)

More vilification of lady Margaret, making it seem as if she is dictator and everybody fears her, while in fact she was loved and respected and fun to be with. (how do you think she charmed Edward IV to give her son back his lands? Not by being a bitch! By being eloquent and fun.)

Henry VIII wasn’t allowed to visit Catherine and do as he pleased, he was kid after all and sole heir to England. His father was very protective of him(too much actually). 

Oh now her personality returns! The demanding b, who really dislikes the poor house-which Durham House was not! Bitching that man is grieving and not doing her bidding.  Catherine’s life in Durham was never described as beneat her station by ambassador nor dona Elvira, i understand she was without money(though imo because dona Elvira stole it not because Henry VII did not give any-check my posts about spanish correspondece for more about that), but not living in horrible place.

Harry was child and would not be allowed at council meetings. Good arguments on lady Margaret’s part for why such bitch Catehrien would want to be married to next heir. But zero reasoning why Catehrine would be stripped of her luxuries at that moment. Poorly written.

More fake plotline between Lina and Ovieto, more of wickedness. More of Harry sneaking out to flirt with Catherine, when he was child! And wouldn’t hunt with crossbow, but longbow. 

Henry is right to point Catherine is being greedy and she is completely wrong to say they were equal. BUt as in real life Catherine sometimes did forget that they were not, I’ll leave them that.

Letters between Catherine and Isabella are such lazy writing and totally false. Isabella making it seems as pope’s dispensation was something impossible. Dear lord!

Catherine is having episode! As in-get her to psychiatric ward, this is not normal. Screaming upon reading letter! 

“I am not coming home! That will not be my fate! I will be Queen of England!”

It’s mental! and so untrue. Isabella wanted this new match! Ferdinand wanted it too(and i do’t get why they leave him from corespondence). He needed this match to keep France in check! As they threatened his Italian holdings! 

Lady Margaret seeing oranges for first time? Oh lord. Yes, they were unusual and rare, but not unknown to royal courts in northern royal courts.

Real Catherine’s confessor straight out said marriage was consumated(idk why he said so, but he certainly wasn��t only confessor of Catherine who misinterpreted some things), why would lady Margaret mention him and then want the answer to this from lady Pole?! Lady Pole lies, setting herself for hell.

Lady Margaret banishing lady Pole, and is acting as crazy person. Totally untrue. Lady Pole wasn’t banned from court, but there was no Queen, so few ladies remained at court. 

Edmund de la Pole was locked up by the time supposedly he met lady Pole. By the way, if we fallowed York succesion(and go through female line to males), then Henry VIII would be next York heir, then lady Pole’s son, and then Edmund de la Pole. So why would she support de la Pole over her own son, over her own claim?! It makes no sense!!!

Lady Margaret acting like Vader, marching among troops. 

Lady Margaret speaks Spanish?! This is untrue! (though it’d be cool if true).

Henry VIII being totally uncaring about his sister Margaret-which is untrue. Though they weren’t closest of siblings(his personality was more alike with his sister Mary). Margaret Tudor set for Scotland in June 1503, from Richmond Palace. Very lavish, modern, and very large palace. Much larger than any place they used for filming. 

Also in this scene of saiyng goodbye to Margaret Tudor, Henry VIII is already taller than his father. He was in fact 12, and though he started to sprung up, Henry VII was tall too, so he wasn’t smaller than his son. Yet.

More flirting between child and grown girl. Henry VII announces he shall wed infanta. This never happened! He actually never even asked for her hand. Puebla wrote such match was rumoured at court(just after Elizabeth of York died) and Isabella said it was impossible. 

I disliked most of what i found in corespondence between Spain and England at that time(see posts about it), but I have to give credit to Isabella for this-she didn’t want her daughter to marry old man, and she said no. Even though he wasn’t asking. 

Henry VII saying his kingdom was best and all of christendom would bow to them?! No sane King would say such thing in public. He’d make all christendom as his enemy. This is crazy! 

So poorly written! And it is continuous issue with TSP. There usually is no more than minute of good dialog per episode. And they talk all the time! 

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[teddy06writes]

nonono I need more ANGST part 3 for out of his grasp/out of their grasp were reader comes back as a ghost like Ghostbur but remembers bad memories so she doesn’t remember Dream or George

Out of Their Grasp

{THIS IS THE NEW UPDATED VERSION BECAUSE APARENTLY THE FIRST VERSION WASN”T ANGSTY ENOUGH}

{real talk though I thought maybe I could change this to be more angsty cause I didn’t think the ghost thing would work}

requested by this anon: “hey hey I was wondering if you could do dream x George x reader fantasy/royal au (bc I just read "for his hand" and I love it so much!!) where reader and dream go to battle but only dream returns from it. and he has to tell George that reader died. the more angst the better😝💅”

and also this one: “will there be a part 2 of For His Hand? It’s so good, i loved it!”

{Technically you don’t have to read part one but I would recommend it because this one takes place in the same universe}

Dream x George x reader

trigger warnings: swearing, yelling, major character death, aGnSt

premise: war breaks out near the borders of the SMP, you and Dream are sent ahead of the royal party to the front lines in an attempt to stop any further battles until a peace can be reached when disaster strikes, leaving your partners to deal with the repercussions.

{dude I’m like manically laughing right now}

(y/n/n)- your nickname

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“It was just skirmishes, here and there for the last few weeks,” Sam gestured to a few spots near the northern boarder on the map spread out across the table, before pointing to another in the center of the rest, “But then, yesterday there was a huge attack on the villages, and our military bases in this valley.”

You glanced around the room, from person to person, gauging there reactions.

George had visibly stiffened in his seat, and behind him Dream seemed equal tense.

“Have we taken any measures to fight back?” Sapnap asked impatiently.

“How bad are the damages?” George asked, ignoring him.

Eret looked down at the report they’d been given, “There seems to have been more pillaging than raiding, they were breaking into peoples house, causing general destruction and looting, when our forces attempted to stop them they began to fight. All in all 30 of ours were killed and there was an estimated 10,000 in damages.”

George frowned, as Niki spoke up, “We should pay the people reparation's and help them with any reconstruction that needs to be done.”

Many people nodded, but next to you Sapnap was still unhappy, “Are we doing anything about the invaders? We cannot just sit here and allow them to attack the people!”

“Pushing, pushing.” You muttered.

The king looked at him for a long moment, before turning to Callahan, the scribe, “Attempt to negotiate a peace. I don’t want anymore bloodshed to curse this land.”

The man beside you groaned, and you were quick to elbow him in the side and Sam ended the meeting and everyone began to file out of the room, hissing, “I don’t know how they do things where you’re from but that is no way to behave in an advisory meeting. Next time you pull that shit you won’t be allowed back to one.”

-You had taken the new coming warrior on as a sort of apprentice after he’d first arrived at the palace, and it was clear the change of pace wasn’t something he was ready for-

“They can’t just stand by! The King is a fool if he thinks a peace can be reached like this!”

You glared at him. “The King is no fool.”

“You only say that out of obligation.” Sapnap fired back.

You recoiled, burned, before crossing your arms and starting out of the room, “You may be a trained mercenary but you haven’t the faintest idea as to how to hold yourself among this crowd. It will be the death of you.”

He followed you back toward your office, listening as you continued, “King George is a good and just man, to say that he is a fool is to say the sun is square. He has wiped this kingdom clean of many years of bloodshed.

“The Kings advisors, and cabinet are kind, respectable people, you must remember to hold your tongue  unless spoken too, and never say anything brash as you have done now, lest you make a greater fool of yourself.”

He huffed, “If I must stay silent in those meetings than how can I get my point across? Sending a messege to the enemy through force may be the only way!”

“Now you sound like Tommy, just as foolhardy and headstrong as the child,” You pushed the door to your office open, “I’m sure that Technoblade agrees with you, though he knows better than to speak freely.”

“If he agrees with me than perhaps it’s the right move.”

You turned to look at him quizzically, finally saying, “A wise king does not seek out war, no matter what his knights advise.”

Sapnap turned, “Then the lot of them are fools.”

“I have told you once to never disrespect the king, I suggest you don’t do it again. This land has seen it’s share of unjust rulers, be thankful you have not come here under worse authority.”

~~ That night, when the palace grew quiet, and the sky dark, you found yourself back in Dream’s quarters, an overtired, overstressed George having wedged himself between you two and refusing to move.

You sighed as Dream ran a hand through your sleeping partners hair, “He’s anxious.”

“I mean, can you blame him? War may be on the horizon.” Dream murmured.

“I meant even now- in the time of sleep. I think Sapnap is just adding fuel to the fire.”

Dream sighed, “If he has another outburst like that-”

“He’ll be cast out,” You nodded, “I know. He just needs to be willing to learn the way things go around here. In time he will learn.”

Your boyfriend chuckled to himself, “Fucking hotshot.”

“I think you’d like him, if you were able to spend more time with him.” You smiled.

“Well someone had to go snatch him up as an apprentice!”

“Well it was him or Ranboo, and Ranboo is far too- forgetful, for this sort of thing. I’d’ve had Tubbo but he and Tommy are a package set an you took ‘em.”

“What about Purpled?”

You rolled your eyes, “He started an apprenticeship with Punz ages ago.”

“SHHhhhhhhh, ‘m tryin’ to sleep.” George muttered, burying his face in your shoulder.

In the darkness of the chamber you could barley make out Dream’s eyes sparkling as he took your hand, “Course love, course.”

~~

As the weeks continued the damages on the northern boarder only seemed to grow, the new invaders claiming three of the villages there own.

There was yet another large attack on the town that had been damaged the first time, this time a direct threat left etched on the walls, ‘You have made my people suffer, and now yours shall feel the same’

“Militia, both local and our own soldiers have taken it upon themselves to fight back, almost a hundred lived lost to each side.” The silence in the room grew deafening as Sam finished reading his report, not even Sapnap daring to speak.

“Your Majesty?” Bad hazarded, “What is our next course of action?”

George frowned, glancing around the room, “Peace is still the priority. Maybe- maybe we call a ceasefire, I could meet with there ruler-”

“No,” Dream interrupted, drawing all eyes to him, “It would be too dangerous. How do we know they can be trusted to lay down there arms?”

George shot him a look, “How do we know that we haven’t done anything to provoke them? Whatever we have done wrong we need to fix it. If we can work something out then people will be spared on both sides.”

“Shall we arrange for a ceasefire?” Eret asked.

The King nodded as Wilbur spoke up, “We could set up a meeting place, on neutral ground, possibly similar to the holy lands, so there would be no worry of a security breech.”

Dream seemed to relax at this, and then eyes were turned to you and Sapnap, representing the royal guard, “We can, but even so we should stay vigilant, perhaps send a group ahead with the runners to see too it.” You said, noting the gratitude on Dream’s face, as well as the slight annoyance on George’s.

“Well I see no one better to attend to the King’s safety than you,” Bad said, “You shall go with the party, and Technoblade with you, Sapnap can remain here to take over your day to day duties.”

The man in question quietly shot you a pleading look, at which you sighed, “With all do respect I think Sapnap could be better severing to the crown if he joined the running party.”

Bad glanced around to the others, looking for any objections before shrugging, “We can find someone else to do the work. So that’ll be you, Technoblade, Sapnap, and we can send the usual scouting party, and Sam shall go with again.”

~~

You sighed, tracing an absent pattern on George’s side, listening to Dream’s ramble about how dangerous the idea that had been decided on at the meeting was.

“Finding peace is the priority, you can’t can’t change that.” George mumbled.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous!” Dream protested.

“It’ll be fine, We’ll have a perimeter set up with guards and everything. I’ll make sure none of them can even get near him with such intent.” You yawned.

The blonde huffed, “That just makes me more worried.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Your hand blindly sought his, “I’m going to do everything in my power to keep the ceasefire from being broken.”

“I know.” Was the only quiet response you received.

The next morning found you suiting up and heading out to the stables to tack up your horse. Techno was already down there, idly chatting with Phil as he readied Carl for the journey, and out in the courtyard you could see Sapnap talking to two men.

“Good morning, (y/n)!” Phil chirped, waving your direction.

“Morning Phil.” You moved down the row, reaching out and letting Beckerson nuzzle into your palm.

After getting your horse cared for and saddled, the rest of the party had headed out of the stables as your partners entered.

George took your hand, “Don’t start any more trouble.”

“Sounds like your talking to Dream not me.” You chuckled.

“Hey!” Dream protested.

“I’m not wrong!” You teased.

George rolled his eyes, quickly pulling you in for a kiss, “Make things good for me to be out there.”

“Stay out of trouble.” Dream advised, pulling you away from George to kiss you himself.

“You underestimate me.” You smirked, grabbing Bekerson’s reigns.

Dream rolled his eyes as you started to lead the horse out of the stable, calling, “And stay safe!”

“I’ll see you in five days!” You chuckled, heading out of the stables and quickly mounting your horse, kicking at his sides to catch up with the others.

~~ The last few days had been spent anxiously waiting, and now the journey to the norther board was coming to a close.

Dream rode alongside the carriage, eyes following the strange trail of smoke on the horizon; something was wrong, he could feel it.

The quiet, almost calm of the morning was slowly being cut through by a growing noise, and then finally shattered as one of the runners sent ahead to signal their arrival came crashing through the trees looking panicked.

“What’s going on?” Punz asked.

“They attacked! They broke the ceasefire!”

Dream’s brain surged with panic as he turned to where George and his advisors were starting to climb out of the carriage asking why they had stopped, “Turn around! It isn’t safe here! Go! Punz! Tommy! Ponk! Get them out of here!”

Before he could even stop to see if they were following his orders he was rushing forward down the road, urging Spirit to go faster as the road widened into the village.

Dream was met with nothing but chaos, the royal insignia’s on the tents set up in the field were aflame, and the clashing of swords filled his ears as the royal army and the few commoners who could fought back against the pillaging people.

“About time you showed up!” Sapnap yelled from halfway across the field, “We could use some fucking help!”

“No shit!” Dream yelled back, dismounting and unsheathing his sword.

Almost immediately another person came barley towards him, throwing him into combat.

He cut his way across the field, taking down people here and there, still searching the carnage for you.

Eventually he made it to where Sapnap had just disarmed and knocked out another opponent, “Where are they?”

His eyes danced around the wreckage, “Could be anywhere, saw ‘em trying to get the townspeople out of the way.”

Dream cursed, running off the direction of the village, calling you name.

The fighting continued, the addition of the extra royal guardsmen helping turn the tide of the battle, though Dream still couldn’t locate you on the battle field.

The invaders, or what was left of there battalion began to retreat, but still Dream could find no sign of you, the now all too quiet valley erupted into noise as another skirmish broke out.

Taking off at a sprint he made it up the hill to find you locked in combat with another warrior.

You panted, throwing up you shield to block another strike from his axe before shoving forward and swing your sword at his spear wielding hand.

He wasn’t excepting this, and the spear clatter out of his hand, the shock on his face giving you enough momentum to keep pushing forward, throwing attack after attack at the man as he edged backward.

You had just managed to shove him to the ground when a cry broke your attention.

“(Y/N)!!”

You turned to see Dream, smiling, words starting to form on your lips as a spear suddenly drove through your chest.

“NO!!!!!” Dream shrieked, charging forward and quickly slashing at the mans throat before turning to where you had fallen in the grass.

“T-that one was your fault.” You mumbled as he did his best to pull your shaking body into his arms, “You-ou had t-to go distract-ing me.”

“I know,” tears flooded his eyes, “It’s gonna be okay, I’m gonna get help.”

You did your best to smile through your fear, “What would G-George say if he saw you here cuddling m- m- me without him? Huh?”

“(Y/n)....”

“Bad time for a joke I guess,” you shaky voice was disrupted by a painful cough wracking your body, “Never real-really planned on being r-r-ran through with a spear this morning.”

“It’s gonna be okay! It’s- it’s gonna be okay!” Dream desperately pushed your hair out of your face, head whipping around to where the royal soldiers were beginning to regroup, “WE- I need a medic! Please! We need a medic!”

It was the first time you’d ever heard him sound so distraught, gently you reached up to his face, “Dream- Clay, leave it alone, they won’t be able to- to do anythi-ng.”

You coughed again as he turned back to you, “Don’t say that! Don’t say that!”

“It’s just my time d-d-darling,” You gasped at the pain brought by him trying to pull you closer, “You- you gotta let go.”

“NO! You’re not gonna die! You’re not gonna leave! I won’t let you!”

“I d- don’t have your permission to d-die?” The spots floating in your vision began to grow larger, blocking out spot of his face, and the sky.

“No! You don’t! You’re not leaving! I’m not letting you!” He said desperately.

“You’ve- g-got too...”

He glared down through the valley, barking out, “I said I need a medic! Someone! Please! They need help!”

There were people hurrying up the hill now, not that you could see, as Dream continued to yell.

The spots began to grow even bigger, merging together until darkness fully overtook you and you slipped from there grasp, “I’m sorry...”

Dream tore his gaze from the approaching medical team, looking down at your now limp body, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-”

“You can’t leave! You- your not allowed to leave us! You- you can’t- I- I didn’t give you permission to die!”

He blubbered, still trying to pull you closer to him, as if he held you tighter you wouldn’t have slipped away.

“You can’t go! I didn’t say you could go! You can’t leave! You can’t.....”

Then people were pulling you away from him, and Sapnap was pulling him up, and leading him away.

~~

“Your highness, news of the attack on the boarder has returned.”

George stopped his anxious pacing a Wilbur led in a scarily calm Technoblade and a visibly shaking Dream into the room, Sapnap still with a firm grip on his shoulder.

“What happened? Where’s (y/n)?”

Dream started to shake more at the mention of your name, and Techno stepped forward, “(y/n)- died in combat two days ago.”

George stayed silent, so he continued, “They died a hero’s death defending our kingdom.”

The king waved them away, “Out, please.”

Wilbur nodded, and quickly Sapnap and Technoblade followed him out of the room, leaving Dream to slowly move toward George, pulling him into his arms, tears coming from both men.

“It was my fault. They were fighting- an- and I distracted them.”

“You- you what?” George croaked.

“I wasn’t thinking,” He said quietly, ducking his head as George pulled away, “Th- they died in my arms George!”

“Wh- what have you done?”

Dream looked at him in shock, “What do you mean?”

“Tell me what happened.” It was a command, said in a way Dream had never heard directed at him.

“I got there- there was fighting, when the fighting died down I still couldn’t find them- then I heard another fight- on the ridge, I got up there, and It seemed like they had won, I yelled there name- and-” He broke off, barley muffling a sob.

“You all but killed them yourself.” George muttered.

“I didn’t- th- I- George.” Dream grappled for words.

“You killed them.”

“I didn’t! George I know it’s my fault, but-”

The King just shook his head, turning and silently stalking out of the room.

~~

The castle seemed to stay in mourning for weeks, the kings council having to take over as the king stayed shut up in his chambers, refusing to talk to anyone.

The King’s Knight became more and more vocal during meetings, providing insight on how to get back at the enemy, amplifying Sapnap’s voice.

Then, as plans were being finalized, Dream was met by another figure as he sat in front of your grave.

“You think this will make up for what you’ve done?” Georges voice was horse, rough, as if he hadn’t spoken in days, though still laced with the same venom as when he’d found out.

Dream nodded, remaining quiet as he traced the hilt of his blade.

“Tomorrow then?”

Again Dream nodded, looking down at the copy of the note that had been sent to the enemy:

‘Holy water cannot stop me now, a thousand armies couldn’t keep me out. I don’t want your money, I don’t want your crown, see I’ve come to burn your kingdom down’

[ensifervm]

Just watched Castlevania season 4 and I hated every single moment of it. Seriously.

I hated seeing past seasons characters throw into a trash can, because they needed to introduce new useless characters that just appeared and died in the same season.

I hated seeing Carmilla randomly becoming mad, wanting to conquer the whole world because yes, I am evil.

I hated seeing Lenore, the "I am a diplomat but not weak", trasmutated into a soft, tsundere girlfriend, who was forced to suicide because a male character just conquered the castle and was holding her prisoner.

I hated the fact they simply forgot Lenore tortured, beated and manipulated Hector because apparently the fans liked them together so they just pretended they were a couple who liked to talk about hammers and flutes with sexual implications.

I hated seeing Morana and Striga appearing only in two scenes, before disappearing from the series because aparently the writer did not want to tell us more about them. They simply decided to live their best life as a couple, after presuming Lenore was dead becase so was Carmilla. I mean, which sister would simply say "well, probably my sister is dead, let's just get out of here and have a good time"?

I hated seeing that last scene with Dracula and Lisa, because I do not see why a mass murderer should have a happy ending ( and I like Dracula, but that ending is just wrong. Where is the tragedy of his story, if he simply resurrected to start a new life with his love? )

I hated seeing only ( more or less ) female characters killed in this season.

I hated seeing Isaac simply disappearing from the scenes after a brief talk with Hector. We do not even know what he will do, if the night creatures will behave like humans or not.

I hated seeing what was a strong group of ambitious female characters just falling apart because the writer needed to put the other sisters against Carmilla.

I hated seeing almost no season 3 consequences on Alucard's character, or the fact that Hector passed from being Lenore's pet to a mastermind, all of this after working mostly off screen for a plan.

I hated seeing Zamfir die with an anticlimatic scene, and Sypha and Trevor completely ignoring that and simply jumping hand in hand into the mirror, leaving the city Sypha wanted so hard to help to its own.

I hated seeing what was a season 3 key moment ( Lenore putting the ring on Hector's finger ) solved in a "ehi bro, could you borrow me your knife so I can cut my finger out lul" scene.

I hated seeing them replacing Carmilla and her sisters with boring, male villains with almost three lines in the entire season.

I hated everything. And I am sure my english sucked in this post, but God I am so mad.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars XCI (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I'd missed this silly goose! tho the actors in hp for some reason look way older so he looks like a baby but pls imagine Erick like this older-looking student bc he should look that way jdhfd -Danny

Words: 2,195

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Twenty-Six: Talk it out.

"Hagrid!" Hermione shouted. "Hagrid, that's enough! We know you're in there! Nobody cares if your mum was a giantess, Hagrid! You can't let that foul Skeeter woman do this to you! Hagrid, get out here, you're just being —" The door opened. "About t — !" Hermione froze when she found Dumbledore there instead of their friend.

"Good afternoon," he said.

"We — er — we wanted to see Hagrid."

"Yes, I surmised as much," He said in amusement. "Why don't you come in?"

"Oh... um... okay."

Hagrid was sitting at the table, there were two mugs of tea. For the looks of it, he'd been crying.

"Hi, Hagrid," said Harry.

" 'Lo," he said lowly.

"More tea, I think," said Dumbledore, and with the flick of his wand, a tea tray appeared. "Did you by any chance hear what Miss Granger was shouting, Hagrid? Hermione, Mel, Harry, and Ron still seem to want to know you, judging by the way they were attempting to break down the door."

"Of course we still want to know you!" Harry said. "You don't think anything that Skeeter cow — sorry, Professor..."

"I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry," said Dumbledore, looking up to the ceiling with interest.

"Er — right... I just meant — Hagrid, how could you think we'd care what that — woman — wrote about you?" Hagrid cried silently, two huge tears falling down his beard.

"Oh, Hagrid, don't cry!" Mel's hand went to rest above his, looking almost comically small.

"Living proof of what I've been telling you, Hagrid," said Dumbledore. "I have shown you the letters from the countless parents who remember you from their own days here, telling me in no uncertain terms that if I sacked you, they would have something to say about it —"

"Not all of 'em," said Hagrid. "Not all of 'em wan' me ter stay."

"Really, Hagrid, if you are holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time. Not a week has passed since I became headmaster of this school when I haven't had at least one owl complaining about the way I run it. But what should I do? Barricade myself in my study and refuse to talk to anybody?"

"Yeh — yeh're not half-giant!"

"Hagrid, look what I've got for relatives!" Harry said in disbelief. "Look at the Dursleys!"

"An excellent point," said Dumbledore. "My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practising inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery..."

Mel looked at her uncle knowing that there was certainly more he could say about their family, but she remained quiet.

"Come back and teach, Hagrid," said Hermione, "please come back, we really miss you."

"I refuse to accept your resignation, Hagrid, and I expect you back at work on Monday," said Dumbledore, standing up to leave. "You will join me for breakfast at eight-thirty in the Great Hall. No excuses. Good afternoon to you all."

When the Headmaster left the cabin, Hagrid sobbed for real, hiding his face behind both hands.

"Great man, Dumbledore... great man..."

"Yeah, he is," said Ron. "Can I have one of these cakes, Hagrid?"

"Help yerself," said Hagrid. "Ar, he's righ', o' course — yeh're all righ'... I bin stupid... my ol' dad woulda bin ashamed o' the way I've bin behavin'... Never shown you a picture of my old dad, have I? Here..."

Hagrid got up, went over to his dresser, opened a drawer, and pulled out a picture of a short wizard with Hagrid's crinkled black eyes, beaming as he sat on top of Hagrid's shoulder. Hagrid was a good seven or eight feet tall, judging by the apple tree beside him, but his face was beardless, young, round, and smooth — he looked hardly older than eleven.

"Tha' was taken jus' after I got inter Hogwarts," Hagrid croaked. "Dad was dead chuffed... thought I migh' not be a wizard, see, 'cos me mum... well, anyway. 'Course, I never was great shakes at magic, really... but at least he never saw me expelled. Died, see, in me second year...

"Dumbledore was the one who stuck up for me after Dad went. Got me the gamekeeper job... trusts people, he does. Gives 'em second chances... tha's what sets him apar' from other heads, see. He'll accept anyone at Hogwarts, s'long as they've got the talent. Knows people can turn out okay even if their families weren'... well... all tha' respectable. But some don' understand that. There's some who'd always hold it against yeh... there's some who'd even pretend they just had big bones rather than stand up an' say — I am what I am, an' I'm not ashamed. 'Never be ashamed,' my ol' dad used ter say, 'there's some who'll hold it against you, but they're not worth botherin' with.' An' he was right. I've bin an idiot. I'm not botherin' with her no more, I promise yeh that. Big bones... I'll give her big bones."

The kids shared nervous glances, but Hagrid kept talking without waiting for a reply.

"Yeh know wha', Harry? When I firs' met you, you reminded me o' me a bit. Mum an' Dad gone, an' you was feelin' like yeh wouldn' fit in at Hogwarts, remember? Not sure yeh were really up to it... an' now look at yeh, Harry! School champion! Yeh know what I'd love, Harry? I'd love yeh ter win, I really would. It'd show 'em all... yeh don' have ter be pureblood ter do it. Yeh don' have ter be ashamed of what yeh are. It'd show 'em Dumbledore's the one who's got it righ', lettin' anyone in as long as they can do magic. How you doin' with that egg, Harry?"

"Great," said Harry shakily. "Really great."

"Tha's my boy... you show 'em, Harry, you show 'em. Beat'em all..."

"But if it doesn't turn out as expected," Mel was quick to add. "Know that we are all proud of you as well, Hagrid. We love you very much."

"I'll follow Cedric's advice," Harry told her quietly before going to bed that night.

"Blimey, all it took was a crying Hagrid..." Mel raised her eyebrows. "Want help?"

"No," He replied. "Dunno... I'll let you know."

"All right," She sighed. "Good luck."

She had an important matter to attend that day in private and it could only be between her and Erick. She used the pocket watch he'd given her and informed him that she wanted to talk. On Monday, both students met at the far end of the library, Mel had no idea where to start.

"I won't apologize for what I said the other day, I know you hate it when I do that," She began, "but you're hiding something and I would like to know what it is, maybe I can help you?"

She was expecting many reactions, all except the one she got. Erick let out a long sigh and picked out of his bag one of the books she'd lent him.

"Persuasion?" Mel raised a brow.

"I take that you've read it?" He asked.

"I love it," She smiled at it. "The main character's name is Anne, right?"

"Yes," Erick shook his head. "The story... It made me think– What if I'm making a mistake?"

"What d'you mean?"

"What if I don't like Anne the way I think I do?" He elaborated. "I wrote and she wrote back every week, we never ran out of things to say, but the last week before going to my grandad's house she said something that... What if I just like her because she's the complete opposite of what my parents want?"

"I feel like those are unrelated, I'm not sure I follow," Mel frowned. "Since when you've been having doubts?"

"Since Anne and I started to talk more this summer. It's not exactly that I have doubts, I mean, I know I feel something, I just don't know what."

"I don't think there's a reasoning behind the people we like," She retorted. "...Right?"

"If there's no reasoning, then I guess it's all right, but if I'm supposed to have one... I don't have it. I can't tell why I like her."

"Well, you think she's pretty?"

"Yeah," Erick moved on his place awkwardly. "Although I think other girls are pretty too, and I could even get along with them as I do with Anne. If you were to ask me why I'm interested in her, I wouldn't know."

"But that's normal," Mel tried to calm him. "Love has no logic, that doesn't mean is bad?"

"Listen," He put a finger on the book and pointed harshly. "If I just like her because she's pretty and fun then it wouldn't be bad... Yet I think I'm around her because I know it'd make my parents mad, when I'm here, at school, I don't worry about her... I do wonder, but is not constant."

"So? I don't think about Harry all day."

"Aren't I supposed to be dying of solitude when I'm away from her? Maybe this is just a lie I tell myself so I feel like a normal guy, maybe I'm incapable of falling in love and Anne is just my excuse to be a bad son..."

There was a piece of paper coming out of the book, she took it without thinking. Erick kept rambling without looking at what she was doing and her eyes skimmed through the letter. The seams were so worn out that she could tell the boy had read it several times.

"Anne likes someone else..." She said quietly.

Erick's eyes landed on the piece of paper his face turned pale. "Give me that."

"His name's Stuart and he's nice...'" Mel read out loud. "Her boyfriend?"

"No," He said, seizing the letter. "He could be... but she's waiting."

"Waiting?"

"For me."

"And you don't want to say anything," Mel said slowly, "because you're not sure?"

"I can't be with her," Erick said with difficulty. "Not yet... I have two more years of school, even then I don't know when I'll be able to leave my parents' house..."

"But you like her."

"My parents won't approve."

"You don't have to tell them."

"I can't do that!" He said. "Imagine that Harry's parents were alive and they hated everything about you. That every time they see you they'd throw nasty remarks your way, and then Harry'd be out in the street with no money and without being able to give you a good life, imagine you're from two different worlds and nothing you have to offer can get him out trouble..."

"I think... I think we'd both be in pain all the time," Mel said quietly, "...Is that how you feel?"

"That's what will happen if I do the wrong thing," Erick ran a hand through his hair, ruining his neat curls. "I'd love to send a letter telling her everything... but we're young, I wasn't expecting things to move as fast as they did... she's great, she really is, but she doesn't even know I'm a wizard. There are too many secrets and I just think Anne deserves better. Maybe Stuart can do better."

"I think that in a way, you're right," Mel pushed the book towards him. "But I've seen you read and learn, get rid of so many prejudices just to meet her, not even knowing if she'd like you back... that has to mean something."

Erick supported his head in one hand, rubbing his forehead. "All I know is that if I pull her away from this boy without telling her everything... I'll end up ruining one of the best things that have ever happened to me."

"Then?" She frowned. "You're going to... you're just going to leave her?"

Erick swallowed the lump in his throat. "I want her to choose him... I'm not around anyway, I could even mention the ball and Daphne just to... to make her think..."

"You're gonna hurt her," She told him, not in a reproachful tone, but one that had to be said. "I guess this is the gentlest way you can do it... and it's not forever, right? I mean, if everything goes as planned, eventually you'll be able to try. It's meant to be."

"Meant to be?" He chuckled bitterly. "You sound too sure."

"I am," She responded sincerely. "You and Anne will end up together... just like Harry and me, if I'm lucky enough."

Erick gave her a look, a tiny smile on his lips. "Warming up to the idea then?"

"I've been too hard on myself and Harry," She shrugged. "I think life can be a fairytale if we do what we're meant to do."

"How are we supposed to know what that is?"

"Fate will find a way," Mel got up and patted his shoulder. "Just don't lose hope..."

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha​ @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere​ @t-rexs-world

[marziblogsworld]

THIS SHOW WAS A MESS AND IT MADE ME A MESS. WELCOME TO THE REVIEW OF THE SERIES FINALE OF 13 REASON WHY.

Ok first thing first. I want to get something off my chest and that is, why I mean why is this school, this liberty high is still running, why this school not blacklisted or had a shortage of students after what everything happened from S1-S4. Like there was no series of people going to depression or 'high school shit' there were legit deaths. Death happened when students literally going around murdering other students. I mean this school went from trials to a murder investigation like i dont know but in my country thia school would have been closed by now or students would have withdraw from this harrowing place

SERIOUSLY METAL DEDECTORS, CAMERAS AND THESE TRAUMATISING DRILLS AND EXERCISES, and taking to apar where there is no fine line of morality or consicous. Putting these things doesn't show that you are helping them PRINCIPAL BOLAN it makes them think that they being watched. That these kids aren't to be trusted. I mean come on these are just kids. Sure messed up, but still kids. AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS MISS SHING!!!!!!. WHERE IS THE SCHOOL CONSOUSLLER IN ALL OF THIS SHIT!!!!,and dont you dare fucking tell me that she agreed to all of this bull shit.

*phew* i am like literally mad and angry over the whole school shit..... ANYWAYS! Talking about the whole story line of this series i feel like yeah it was good. I liked how they showed the aftermath of everything that happened in S3. Like i dont know about you people but for me the end of S3 was hard to digest and its good that they showed that even our characters are not A-Okay with all that they did.

I had high hopes for Winston Williams in this last season. I thought he will come with a full reckoning and tear down those ugly walls build around this squad and literally scare them i was let down. In the Start he was but then he was like kinda vanished in between and the JOCKS! took over,which brings me to my another rant.

Making shows like these,tackling things that are based on reality have responsibility to even show a number of possibilities of 'HOPE'. We watch shows like these because we resembles to what our characters going through or we had or have someone who was going through this and these shows should show a message that change is there and they should not think that this world is doom.13RW did some changes with girl power, standing up for what is right, raising a hand or a voice when something doesn't fit or is wrong so why couldn't they handle this jock culture. Why i always see jocks dunder and hot heads following like a flock of sheeps behind there captian and not have a voice. A change should be shown in them too that they are not heartless bitches. Liberty high put cameras to show that they protect there students but at the same time allowing those stupid Jocks to wear jackets that honour a fucking rapist infront of his victim which is totally triggering and unhealthy. He didnt fucking died or went to jail for BRYCE DEATH. HE WENT BECAUSE HE WAS A CONVICTED RAPIST and you are fucking HONOURING HIM!!!!!. I hate you Diego.There should be like a huge change in them since BRYCE was a jock and he was rapists. Monty was in the team too and he was convicted of sexual assult, there names, this team is like totally tainted and not raising a voice to clear there names and instead honouring them shows who you truely are.

I SAID ZALEX AND THEY HEARD ME!!. I got ZALEX and i dont care like in what way. I got it and it was AMAZING solid Friendship.

Recently watching Teen Wolf,loving 3B and then watching 13 Reasons Why and looking at Clay's condition all i have to say. NOGITSUNE! Is that you. Honey are you sure, you didnt travel into the wrong universe.

Okay now lets talk about the main part, that wraps this show under a neat little bow or in this case wrapping it carelessly and putting stapplers and glue and making it all yucky instead of a bow.

I mean like WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT. The ending was bullshit and literally unnecessary. What was going on for the past 8 episode was amazing why did they have to put this. I mean why the Fuck would you want to put that shit there,only for shock value!!!!!!. I wanna know your reaction people. I wanna know what you guys feel,cuz i was angry and sad and upset and SHIT WE DONT WANT THAT. We fucking escape into our fiction world from our real one not to see that there is no hope especially when the world is falling apart when a ounce of love and hope is what we are finding right now, when everything is all bloody and messy and then you shove this shit infront of us. WAS IT JUSTIFIABLE?, WAS IT NECESSARY?. I think not. Moreover what kind of a message you shared that people like justin doesnt have a chance to do better, they will never survive or a person like Clay should not believe in love or mere the idea of it!! Because whenever CLAY JENSEN LOVE SOMEONE they leave him in one way or another and LIKE BULLSHIT WITH THE MESSAGE 'YOU SURVIVE'. So does that means that Clay jensen should just 'survive' and not 'live'. TELL ME PEOPLE I WANNA HEAR, IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU PEOPLE FELT IT TOO. COMMENT BELOW.

Anyways. This show had many aspects and scenes that was triggering for alot of people out there, and if you feel like you wanna talk or rant even at my review i give you a full free chance to SPEAK UP! to say your heart out because i am hear to listen. BECAUSE WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU FELT, WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE. I AM WITH YOU because.....I LOVE YOU AND I HEAR YOU!!

#justindeservesbetter

#clayjensendeservesbetter

PS. sorry if it was too spoilery but i couldn't handle it.

[ilikelookingatthings]

I weirdly want more flashbacks or input about Yona’s life in the castle.

Is it weird that as much as I enjoy yona getting into the meat of dealing with these people from another country....I kindof wish we got more info on the workings of the castle....like are there any other servants or maids still around who knew yona? her old teachers who taught her music and dance? like I love her knew battle robes....but I kind of wish we got to see Yona still adjusting to not being chased anymore. waking up in her old bedroom...taking baths regularly. I wish we saw some people help yona get dressed in those robes and do her makeup and hair. especially since Yona’s fixation was her hair in the first chapter. likee I wish we saw people who intamatly knew the old more spoiled Yona. like this is prime opportunity to really show the differences in Yona.

and as much as I love seeing the differences in kye-sook and joo-doh’s reaction to Yona (getting a reminder yet again that Yona is freaking Royalty bitches! ;3)....we also don’t know what they are comparing her TO.

We kye-sook is a bit of a judgy asshole and looked down on Yona and saw her as a threat due to her connections, her legit right to the throne, her knowing of the murder and than her surprising competency to come up with a plan to use the connections she built up to back soo-won into a corner where he had to listen to her. but his master is also soo-won who’s competency makes anyone look like a shit leader by comparison. and while WE had a impression of Yona’s naivity, blinders and being a bit vain and spoiled in the beginning ....we don’t actually knows where he got his impression of Yona from. had he been watching her per king Il murder? was it word of mouth? Did he witness up close a not great first impression with Yona or something?

and we know Jo-dou had known her when she was young, had been passed over for bodyguard and was close enough that Yona called him a grump andhe knows of the close friendship and witnessed stuff. and he aparently in a secert corner of his heart wanted Yona to be safe, okay and not dead and feels uncomfortable with her having killed people or fighting with a bow.

but we haven’t seen a flashback of a moment Yona was young that helped for either of jou-dou or the advisors opinion of her. might not exactly be necessary.

but Yona did live in he castle foryears. we saw quite a bot of thtraining and stuff soo-won did to cultivate skills and his mentality and how he became as competent as he is now.

but I wonder....as much as we know Yona wasn’t very good at dancing and singing or certain stuff as mentioned a few times by Hak and Yona. and we know others see Yona as spoiled and naïve before. We also knowHak was still drawn to her and still respected her even in her ‘spoiled’ form. all everyone seems to think was Yona larned basically nothing from before and all her growth came from the loss of her dad and being released frim her house to explore and experience stuff and that she learned to be savy and awesome from those experiences.

but I kindof want to see a flashback or thoughs of someone who knew younger her to show she did learn stff from the castle before. like she had the dignity of a princess ut we just didnt get to see it since Yona had skipped out on the big speech due to being overly excited to see soo-won. We know Yona might have been spoiled but she is also good natured and had tried to be strong for her dad in her own way. 

We saw the seeds of soo-won’s curiosity, lov of people and how smart he was and where he got more info when we saw young him. but I kindof wish we sw proof tha Yona always had these seeds of strength even when she was spoiled and younger.

That the dignity and ability to talk to people and keep her composure had actually always been a part of her...its just she had been spoiled and chose to be more casual and free with her speech most of the time cuz she could get away with it.

like it was still HER home. HER home terf. Mari has grown in leaps ad bounds in ways she couldn’t in the castle....but I kindof hope we get to see reminders and hints that this was always kind of incharacter for her if people had really payed attention and hadn’t over looked her.

like we’ve seen the guys train and Yona trai and be strong in fighting, and spying and battle. but even if Yona was spoiled and trusting....Yona was still the princess and specifically female.

lik I wonder if there is stuff that Yona learned as the princess and as a girl in the castle that had value that none of the guys or soo-won experienced. Like Yona talking back to people. or Yona actually being pretty good at tricking people or with words.

like what did yona learn that was preparing her to become queen that might have helped in some way.

though I could just be looking for more details to flesh out the castle and what living there was actually like. I’m still thinking of tai-jun’s mother in the firetribe who was the ‘ideal’ lady who rarely spoke. I respect mari’s strength to tell her that Yona would fight beside her guys rather than just staying behind..but there is a certain strength in that lady still. and I want more insite on whats the norm for expectations of ladies. we know that strength, physical prowess, power and winning and drinking is valued in guys. military strategy ect ect. 

and we’ve see ladies like yona, gigan, lilli, and kouren showing strength in combat and leadership ability and using power to influence and get actively involved on the ground. but often with stuff we tend to expect from guys on the norm? as kouren cut her hair and was a warrior, kulbo’s sister was a warrior and leader. lilla snuck out and used her dad’s seal to influence her people an she had to sneak out to try to help and get involved.

the feminine character we’ve seen the most in the earth tribe leader’s wife with her tea hobby and cultivating a tea business. we got to see yona’s dance move peoples hearts. and we know dance and music and stuff like that was taught to her . and apparently tau-jun’s mom is considered the pinnical of what they say is the ladys role. and while she apparently keeps silent alot and speaks in her garden and keeps her thoughts to herself...mentally and emotionally that lady feels very secure and strong. and her view of the strength to hold down the household when the warriars are away(even if /i like Yona getting involved more I can still respect her). or kul’bo’s wife was pretty bad ass holding up the Homefront and her faith in her man and trying to defend Yona. and just the contrast of how she handled stuff while we know kul-bo’s sister was the strong main leader before apparently before she died.

but damn I kind of want to know more about the more female side of their culture just by itself rather than in snippets in contrasting with guy’s situation or lots of guys. like how do they deal with periods. what roles did the empress have to fullfill?

any thoughts? you can put it in notes or I learned you can reblog and put your thoughts after this so it can feel like a real discussion~

[kusunogatari]

[ ObiRyū October | Day Three | Shooting Star ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Uchiha Sachiko, Suigin Ryū ] [ Verse: Like Magic ]

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She has been both anticipating, and yet in some ways dreading, this day for quite some time now.

Given that she’s never been here before, Ryū wasn’t able to Aparate. Instead, she made the several-hour trip by broom through the cold Winter skies...which is why it’s late afternoon when she makes a gentle landing a little ways outside the little village, snow crunching beneath her boots. While a few magical families live within it, there are also Muggles present, and she doesn’t want to be seen and break any laws. It wouldn’t do to be arrested today.

Still, she can’t leave the broom out here where it might get nicked, so...she sticks it into a bag she’s enchanted with an undetectable extension charm. Like a bottomless pit, it takes the broom completely into its depths and out of sight.

Perfect!

...now for the hard part.

Swallowing against her nerves, she starts walking down the road that leads to the village. From the view up above, it appeared just as quiet and quaint as she’d been told. Little houses all aligned along the road, with tidy, snow-dusted yards at their front. Looking over the numbers along their faces, Ryū slows to a stop at the proper address.

Well...this is it.

Now or never.

Opening the little gate, she steps in and looks the place over curiously. While she wasn’t sure what to expect, it just seems to fit. A few paces take her up to the front step, where she lifts a hand...hesitates...and then knocks.

As she does, a black feline drops from the roof to the half-wall beside her, drawing her gaze. “Hello, Tenebris,” she greets, managing a smile as she gives the cat a gentle scritch between the ears. “Wish me luck, eh?”

Sitting primly, Tenebris just gives a coy blink as the door opens.

Within it stands Obito, looking slightly out of breath.

Ryū’s eyes go a bit wide. “...are you all right?”

“Yeah, just…” He gestures vaguely. “...nevermind. Gran’s out running an errand, so you can just...come in, yeah?”

“...okay.” In a way it feels a bit rude, but...well, Obito did offer.

She just figured meeting Sachiko for the first time would be done when she arrived. Going in without her being here feels almost unbecoming.

Kicking the snow from her boots, she steps in to the rug within the door and pauses, glancing around a bit sheepishly. Invited or not, she still manages to feel...intrusive.

“Want some tea?”

“Oh...yes please,” she replies, giving a brief upturn of her lips. “I got a little chilled flying over…”

That earns a concerned glance from the Uchiha. “You all right?”

“Yes, I’m fine! I feel much better already,” Ryū assures him with another smile. Off come her boots, stepping in quietly in her fuzzy grey socks.

The little house is cozy, just the way she imagined one run by a grandmother would feel. While there’s a vast collection of odd trinkets and memorabilia, it doesn’t feel disorganized or messy. Just...lived in, and for quite some time. Looking over a collection of photographs, Ryū pauses at a slightly dated one with four people. An older woman, a young couple, and...a baby…

...is that…?

She jolts at the sound of the kettle whistling, cheeks flushing as she finds herself being nosy. Instead, she scurries toward the sound and steps into the kitchen, which has the same charming aura as the rest of the house.

“Here you go!” Obito offers, handing her a mug of amber.

“Thank you…” She accepts, holding the warmth for a moment before taking a sip.

“So how was the flight over? Any trouble?”

Still sipping, she shakes her head before replying, “No, none at all. Just chilly, but that’s a bit hard to avoid this time of year.” There’s a pause as Obito moves, blinking as he steps behind her and just sort of...envelopes her smaller frame with his own. Heat quickly builds in her cheeks.

“Better?” he asks cheekily.

“Y...yes. But, um...what if -?”

“We’ll hear the door,” Obito cuts in to assure her, already knowing her worry. “Can’t see it from here, anyway.”

“...okay.”

“Enjoying your break so far?”

“Mhm. Father and I went out for dinner last night. He’s always excited when I come home for breaks. And he’s eager for the next one so he can finally meet you,” she replies with a smile.

Now it’s Obito’s turn to sound nervous. “Oh?”

“Of course! I keep telling you there’s nothing to worry about, don’t I? He’s going to love you.”

He grunts. “Then why are you nervous? Been telling you the same thing, haven’t I? Nan’s harmless.”

Ryū goes pink. “...well, I...I’ve never known any of my grandparents. They’d all died before I was born. I’m not, um...versed in how to act.”

Obito snorts at her. “Oh, please. It’s not any different. I don’t know my dad, but that’s not why I’m nervous about meeting yours.”

“Then why are you?”

“Cuz -!” It’s his turn to flash red. “...cuz I...I just need his approval.”

“Well maybe that’s how I feel about your nan!” Ryū counters with a laugh. “I mean if we -?” She cuts off, feeling too embarrassed to say it. If they do continue this relationship after school - if it goes further, if they get married - then family approval will be rather important, after all.

They both seem to know that, but neither can bring themselves to say it, too shy.

“...she’s going to love you,” Obito then offers with a sniff, clearly thinking this puts the conversation to rest. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, I promise.”

Clinging to her mug, Obito’s arms around her waist, Ryū gives a soft sigh. “...I hope so.”

“I know so.”

But just as she makes to relax in his hold, Ryū instead stiffens at the sound of the front door knob jiggling.

Sachiko is back.

The teens spring apart, both pink-cheeked as they take to opposite sides of the kitchen. From the entryway, they hear the old woman greet Tenebris, bustling about and talking to herself.

“Hey, Nan!” Obito then calls.

“Oh! Yes dear?”

“Ryū’s here!”

“...oh!” There’s a lively jump to her tone. “Is she really? And here I am, blithering about…!”

“We’re in the kitchen - want some tea?”

“Yes dear, please. It’s not a far walk but the chill certainly bit me…” There’s a muffled whoosh as she lights the hearth. “Ah, that’s better…”

Heart racing in her chest, Ryū gives a nervous glance to Obito as he takes up another mug, tilting his head in indication to be followed.

...oh gosh.

Following right behind as if she’s his shadow, there’s a vain attempt to go unnoticed as they enter the sitting room. With a rocking chair pulled up close to the fire, Sachiko is busy warming her bones. But as eyes find their guest, they alight with delight.

“Ah, there you are, dear! I hope you’ll forgive me sitting...I got a bit winded. These old legs aren’t what they used to be, but I try to give them a stretch every day.”

“N-no, not at all!” Ryū fumbles in reply. “It...it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Uchiha.”

A wrinkled hand waves her manners aside. “Please dear, call me Sachiko. Or Nan. Any friend of Obito’s is a grandchild of mine, ohoho.”

Surprise slackens Ryū’s face. Friend…? Does she not know…?

“Nan, I told you,” Obito offers, tone a bit exasperated as he flushes red. “Ryū’s not, y’know...just a friend. She’s my...she’s my girlfriend.”

“And? Would you have me treat her any different, then? My point is she should relax, I can feel her shaking from here! No need to be nervous, my dear. Obito‘s already won me over on your behalf.” She gives the adolescent witch a knowing smile, seeing her stiffen. “He’s given the impression of a kind, unwavering young lady. Smart but humble, sweet but a spitfire. Reminds me of myself when I was young, ohoho~”

In spite of herself, Ryū feels a familiar tingling in her eyes, doing her best to blink it away. “I...I think he might’ve praised me a bit too much,” is her sheepish counter. “I’m not -?”

“Nonsense! My Obito is a good judge of character, and he quite adores yours.”

At that, she has no idea what else to say, flushed in the face and shrinking shyly.

“...now, you just let me thaw these old bones, and I’ll get supper started. I’ve already got the guest room all done up, so -”

Ryū’s eyes widen. “Oh, I - I couldn’t, I -?”

“I’m not about to make you go home in the dark and the cold!”

“I-I can Aparate back, M-...Sachiko. Really, I -?”

As before, her concerns are waved away. “I insist. Besides, I make a mean breakfast, you can’t miss out on that!”

Floundering for a rebuttal, Ryū glances to Obito, who just shrugs with a grin. Seems he’s used to his grandmother giving this kind of treatment. “...well, I...I guess I can’t really say no…”

“Wonderful! Supper will be along shortly, so you two go do whatever it is young people do nowadays in the meantime. So long as it’s nothing that would make me blush, hm?” It’s then she gives her grandson a pointed look, who blushes himself and just gives a nod. “Run along, then!”

Meeting Ryū’s eyes, Obito gives another tilt of his head toward a stairway, the pair of them retreating downstairs to his room.

It’s a bit small, like the rest of the house, but Obito’s used every square inch. Posters cover as much of the beige, cracked walls as they can: bands that Ryū doesn’t recognize. Given their static images, she guesses they must be Muggle. A few drawings are peppered in, too. An entire bookshelf is filled to the brim with tomes, admittedly to her surprise. A little desk has the assignments they’ve been given over break scattered atop it. In a still frame is a very young Obito, with what must be some of the Muggle kids from the village. Before he started at Hogwarts, if she had to guess. And a carpet-covered tower is clearly for Tenebris to enjoy. Atop his bed is a blanket that looks reminiscent of the night sky, a pattern of stars and galaxies.

Unlike the rest of the little house, Ryū finds herself relaxing, looking it all over with a grin. It suits him perfectly...save for a few strings of drying herbs that furrow her brow in confusion. Is he afraid vampires are going to get in, or…?

“It, uh...it’s a little crowded,” he offers sheepishly, sitting on the bed (which gives a protesting groan). “It’s only usually me in here…”

Realizing his head almost hits the low ceiling, Ryū has to subdue a laugh. “It’s just fine,” is her reassuring reply, sitting beside him and giggling at another creak. “It’s...cozy.”

He perks a disbelieving brow.

“No, really! It’s very...you.”

That makes his cheeks go pink. “I bet yours is loads nicer.”

Ryū hesitates. “...well, we moved somewhere newer after Mum died, so…” Her shoulders shrug. “We used to live out in the country. Nothing fancy. But...Father couldn’t stand being there after that.”

“Ah…”

“Honestly I miss it. It’s nice where we are now, but...it’s not the same. So you can bet I really like your house. It...reminds me of it a bit.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. It has that charm a house has when people have lived and loved in it for a long time. You can’t really replicate that, you know?”

He seems to consider that. “...I told you Nan would like you.”

Ryū deadpans slightly. “What exactly did you tell her? Because it sounds like you went way overboard…”

“Nothing but the truth, I swear! But once I let it slip she wouldn’t stop pestering me about it,” he admits sheepishly. “I think she’s just excited I have a date…”

That gets her to giggle. “She’s very sweet. Maybe almost too sweet. She doesn’t have to go to so much trouble…”

“There’s no stopping her once she’s made up her mind. Don’t worry about it, she does this with everybody that’s not me.”

“You mean you don’t get spoiled?” Ryū teases.

“Oh, I do. Just...not quite to that level.”

Smiling, Ryū lets her eyes wander over his face. It’s only been a few days since Winter break started, so it’s not like she hasn’t seen him in ages. But still… “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah...me too.” He brings an arm around her, pulling her close and letting lips meet lips. At first it’s a simple, chaste peck, but Obito lets it linger, nibbling along her lip in hinting.

In spite of herself, Ryū giggles. “Remember what your nan said,” she teases. “Nothing that would make her blush.”

“Well she’s not here right now, is she?” he retorts, grinning and stealing another kiss. A hand then lifts at her leg, earning a squeak as he hauls her to sit across his lap. “What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her...”

Arms shifting around his neck to keep her balance, Ryū tinges pink. “...but -?”

“Just a little snogging, I promise.”

She sighs, relenting as he catches her a third time. Though already warmed from the chill of her flight, Ryū finds herself heating up further as Obito pulls her close, cheeks flushing and eyelids getting heavy. Muscles go lax, and there’s little will in her to fight as he shifts her to lay atop the mattress. Obito braces his bulk above her, meshing mouths with a groan, settling himself between her thighs.

Just as a muddled thought of, ‘this might be a bit much’ manages to surface in her mind, Ryū freezes as Sachiko calls from the top of the stairs to go wash up for supper.

To her surprise, Obito gives a frustrated sigh, tucking his brow to the crook of her neck.

Swallowing thickly, Ryū offers, “We, um...we better go.”

He doesn’t reply, sitting up and letting her do the same as he gives directions for the washroom upstairs.

When he doesn’t follow, Ryū thinks for a moment before realizing the likely reason why, flashing pink and scurrying up the stairs to hide in the loo.

A few splashes of cool water help her face calm, washing up and peering out shyly. A simple but scrumptious dinner is being set out, Sachiko tottering back and forth carrying dishes.

“Oh, here - let me help -!”

“Thank you, dear.”

Once everything’s in place, Obito slips his way up to the washroom, clearly trying to avoid being spotted.

In the meantime, the two women sit and wait, Ryū’s nerves coming back full force at being left alone and taskless.

“So, Obito tells me you want to be a Healer…?”

“...I do! My...mother was a Healer. Most of the women in our family have been, so...it’s a bit of a tradition.”

“I see! A noble profession, given how often magic tends to get people hurt.” Sachiko’s eyes glitter. “He’s also said you’ve had to treat him a time or two…?”

“Er...yes. I-I have an apprenticeship in the hospital wing during a free period. So I get to help students when things pop up.”

“Like when his front teeth got knocked out playing Quidditch. Such a dangerous sport…”

In spite of herself, Ryū softly snorts. “Yes, I gave him quite the lecture about that.”

“Good, good. He can be a bit of a reckless boy. It’s good someone helps reason with him sometimes.” At that, the old woman softens. “...I know being without his parents has been hard on him. I’ve done my best, but...there’s only so much I can do. At times he strays a bit, and I worry…”

For a moment, Ryū isn’t sure how to reply. “...he has a good heart. If I wasn’t sure of that, I wouldn’t be as close to him as I am. Everyone has their vices, and their stumbles. But I know he’s a good person through it all, even if he’s struggled. Being alone, it...can convince you to do something you shouldn’t to fill that void. But he’s got things to fill it otherwise, now.” The rift between himself and Kakashi has healed, as well as with Rin. Throw in herself, and she really believes he’s on a steadier path.

At her words, Sachiko smiles. “...and I’m glad for that.”

It’s then he reappears from the washroom, pausing at the atmosphere. “...everything okay?”

“Fine, fine! Sit and eat before it gets cold, hm?”

Needing no other prompt, the teens dig in and praise the woman’s cooking, all three of them falling into pleasant conversation before working together to tidy up.

“Now, the guest room is just here, dear - let me know if you need anything!”

“Thank you, Sachiko - I will.” In truth, she has little intention of bothering the old woman further, given the lengths she’s already gone to. Instead, she heads into the upstairs room and sighs wearily. It’s actually a bit sparse, which surprises her given the rest of the house. A simple bed sits along a wall, accompanied by a desk, wardrobe, and bookshelves.

As most eldery do, Sachiko retires early...but Ryū isn’t yet tired enough to sleep. Taking up a random book, she reads for a time before hearing a knock.

But it’s not on the door.

Blinking, she looks to the window to see...Obito? Astride his broomstick, he gives a grin and motions her over.

“What are you doing?” she hisses once the panes are opened.

“There’s a meteor shower happening tonight, I want to watch!”

“But -?”

“I sneak out all the time, don’t worry about it. She’ll never hear anything!”

Biting her lip, Ryū glances back at the door before resigning herself. “Oh...all right.” Sitting on the sill, she carefully slides sidesaddle onto the rear of Obito’s broom, arms around his waist as he takes off.

If the flight here was cold, now it’s frigid after the sun’s gone down. Ducking her face into the space between Obito’s shoulders, she pinches her eyes shut against the sting of the wind. But thankfully he doesn’t go far, and she feels him slow to descend.

They’re atop a small knoll a ways outside the village, crowned by a huge tree that - were it Summer - would surely have an impressive canopy. But in the dead of Winter, its boughs are bare and give a clear view of the night sky. And just as Obito promised, streaks of light are beginning to careen across the sky.

“See!”

“I do!” Hopping from her perch, Ryū takes a few steps forward, smiling as shooting stars light up the dark. “I can’t remember the last time I saw comets…”

“We see them quite a bit out here.”

“Not nearly as much light pollution compared to where I’m at,” she sighs.

“Well, you’ll just have to come see them more often.”

“...I will.”

The pair of them snuggle up against the trunk, a windy spell clearing the ground of snow for them to sit. Ryū curls against Obito’s side, his arm around her shoulders as they sit in silence and watch Nature’s spectacle.

“...gonna make a wish?”

Ryū glances to him at the question. “...I can’t really think of anything.”

“What, really?”

Her head shakes. “...I’ve got just about everything I want,” is her soft reply, looking up at him.

“...I’ve got one.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

Her lips draw into a pout, making him laugh.

“Otherwise it won’t come true, right? I’ll tell you once it does.”

“Fine, fine,” she relents with a sigh. “...you think it will?”

His eyes flicker over her face, as though reading it. “...yeah, I think so.”

Something about his tone makes her stomach do flip flops. Acting on the feeling, she does her best to lift up and bring her lips to his. He meets her halfway, indulging the effort and sighing against her mouth and making it plume into fog.

“...cold?”

“No, I’m all right. You’re nice and warm,” she assures him.

“Hn...okay.” He ensures she’s as close as she can get before stilling, both their eyes trained on the sky.

It’ll come true. He’s sure of it.

     Day three, and this time around some HP verse with a heavy dose of fluff! Also a few wee hints of sad times...and a lil spice ;3 But there’s no frick fracking with grandma in the house, no sir.      Far too many of these drabbles are turning out serious so I needed a fluffy one in the mix. Still managing to stay a few days ahead but today might test that since I have someplace to be here in a bit. We’ll see!      Anywho, not...too much else to note? Besides the fact that I want a grandma like Sachiko. Obito, wanna trade? xD      Thanks for reading!

[emmarosewrites]

I’ve brough a suprise - Part 1/2

A long ovedue Ellen and Portia fanfiction.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. didn’t participate in the following story. This story does not necessarily reflect my views or opinions on the characters and places mentioned. If someone is to find this story offensive, please reach out.

I woke up and the urge to puke came right away, I ran to the bathroom  before being even fully awoken.

What is it?

I heard Kerry say in a sleepy voice, surely my sprint woke her up. I couldn't respond. Actually, I couldn't even shut the door before I kneeled in front of the toilet and threw up. So there goes yesterday's dinner - I tought to myself as I flashed the toilet.

Honey, what's going on? Kerry and Bellamy both stood by the door with concerned looks.

Scandal was on a press tour and the girls and I ended up shearing a hotel room. I was looking foward to a slumber party, but we arrived late and tired and fell asleep right away. I stood up and begun cleaning myself.

Nothing, I'm fine.

Bellamy crossed her arms and looked at me with that "you are not fooling me" look. I looked at them holding back a smile. Gosh, they were so sweet and we had gotten close, and I really needed to share this with someone. But even Ellen didn't know and I knew she wouldn't like other people finding out before her.

Porsh, what is it? There was a hint of concern in Bellamy's voice as she walked towards me. She placed a hand on my shoulder - You know you can tell us anything. I sighed.

I think I'm pregnant.

What?! Kerry couldn't believe her ears.

You heard her sayed Bellamy.

Yeah, sure - she looked down, seemed a bit embarrased -  but I mean, how? Did you and Ellen took a treatment or something? If you don't mind me asking.

Well, kind of - I grabbed the sink while sitting down on the toilet cover, feeling a bit dizzy. We were so sure we didn't want kids, but then, this desire came out of nowhere. We tought it was too late, and when we asked the doctor if we could use our frozen embryos they agreed the chances where very slim, but it was up to us to try.

I gagged again and they both ran towards me. Before I knew they were holding my hair while I threw up again.

Come - said Bellamy - clean yourself up and we'll talk in the room.

I did so and seconds later we were sitting in a circle in one of the beds as Kerry carresed reasurrengly my tight. I thanked God for this girlfriends moment, it was actually a relief to have someone else knowing.

You were telling us you froze embryos - said Bellamy

We did - I said. Just in case we changed our minds. We decided to give it a go, once, if it worked, it worked, altough it was virtually impossible.

And yet it did - said Kerry, with a smile in her voice.

Well, it might. I'm not sure. Maybe is placebo. - I said.

Wait - said Bellamy. So you think you might be pregnant but you didn't take any tests

I nodded

And Ellen doesn't know?

I nodded again.

Porsh, you have to take a pregnancy test. You can't walk around being prengant and not know about it, it could be dangerous. Plus if it's not a pregnancy you should go to the E.R. and see what's wrong.

She had a point. And not like I hadn't thought about it before, but the symptoms begun once I left on the trip and I didn't want to take the test without Ellen.

I'm nervous - I spoke - and I think Ellen would like to be there for it.

I'm sure she would. But honey, you were projetile vomiting, you should know  exactly what's going on.

Bellamy what right, but I was just too nervous. We had done the incemination knowing there was a 5% chance, I don't think we ever seriously contemplated the possibility of it working.

Look, here's what we'll do. You take the test, we film it, and then you can show the clip to Ellen as a surprise. She can even use it for her show, you know she dies to show you off.

I smilled. Kerry was right. It was the best solution. I couldn't be "maybe pregnant" for a minute longer.

Ok. Now good luck to us getting the test - I said.

What do you mean? - Kerry looked a bit confused.

Well, if three actresses walk into a drugstore and buy a pregnancy test...we wouldn't exactly go unnoticed. And I don't carry those with me just like I don't carry condoms, I'm gay after all.

They both chuckled.

I might have one - said Bellamy - let me check.

A few minutes later we were all three in the bathroom, waiting fo the test to show the results. One of them was hughing me from each side and rubbing my arms and I think it had just drawn on us how big the whole thing actually was. Kerry's alarm went off.

It's time - she said, taking a deep breath and smiling. I don't know who was more nervous.

You girls do it - I said, bitting my nails.

Oh no, you should do it. You are the mommy to be! it's a once in a lifetime thing - said Bellamy.

The words "mommy to be" didn't help, but she had a point. I slowly moved forward, reaching out to the test. I can't!

C'mon girl! - I don't know if Kerry wanted to cheer me up or if she just couldn't contain herself any longer.

Ok, ok, fine.

The cellphone we placed on the sink was recording everything as I took a deep breath and turned the test arround. Two stripes. Pregnant. We had promissed ourselves to be subtle about this, no one else could know. But as soon as we saw it we all screemed in joy, then I covered my face with my hands and started crying.

Honey, it's ok - Kerry was rubbing my back.

You are going to be a mom and we are going to be aunties! - Bellamy was whiping a tear from her left eye.

Say something to your wife - said Kerry, gesturing towards the phone.

Baby - I said between sobs - I'm pregnant.

They both chuckled and hughed me once again.

The press day went well, Kerry and Bellamy where looking after me the whole time: if I ate, if I was tired or if I made too much of a physical effort. Bless them. I knew then that even if Ellen could be a bit upset that I didn't wait for her to take the test, she was going to be glad that I had those two looking after her wife and her baby, I couldn't thank them enough.

So, that was fun - said Kerry, throwing her purse on her bed when we entered the room. We were pretty messy, I hold it together for Ellen at home because she was a clean freek but these girls allowed my messy side to show.

How are you feeling, Porsh? Bellamy asked.

Good, I think other than morning sickness and missing period I don't have much synthomps, thank God.

Really? - said Kerry - No cravings or anything?

Well... - Now that I thought about it, I did have a few cravings. - I mean, a veggie burger won't hurt...-

They chucked.

Good, we needed to have dinner anyways - said Bellamy with a laugh. Kerry then grabbed the phone.

Hi, I would like to order room service

What are you doing? - I asked - I thought we might go out to grab food or something

Oh no. We all had a long day and you need to rest. We are having a girls night in.

Room service got there pretty fast and before I realized we were eating in bed in a circle much like we had done earlier in the day when they convinced me to take the test.

So...there has to be more to you and Ellen's life than inceminations. - said Kerry with a smirk, before bitting on her burger.

I don't know what you mean. - It's true, I didn't. For a second I tought the naughty face meant that she wanted to know our marital details, but I quicky ruled it out. Why would two straight women want to know what two lesbians did in the room? They would surely find it disgusting.

Yeah. We had kown you for some months now, give us the details! I'm sure that glow doesn't come just from eating your vegetables.

Ok, now Bellamy was smirking. Maybe I was right. I blushed.

You are turning red, you naughty!

I mean...what do you want to know? We have a pretty happy life...in all aspects.

They didn't answer, they just moved closer while keeping their eyes on me, they weren't giving up. I didn't know what to do, I hadn't had a slumber party in ages and I never shared the details of my sex life with anyone. Sure I wanted to, we all need advice, support, shearing or venting sometimes, but I just didn't have that people in my life.

You know marriage...if it's a happy one and you truly like eachother then they get the way around your body and it can be awesome. It kinda sucks to be away from her because I'm not used to this...abstinence.

They laughed, and after some crazy stories they share themselves I just couldn't not tell them about the little farewell party Ellen thew for me because of the days we were going to be away from eachother. They were a bit jealous but in a good way, aparently is not common to be that pleaced with a partner after such a long time.

So, mama to be, you are going to have to cut down a little bit on those wild nights you and your woman have. Bless her, it sounds like a constant blast. But for now it will be plenty of water and sleeping and nothing too crazy in bed. Try to be like a mortal for once.

There goes doctor Kerry - Bellamy said and I laughed

It's true, the woman is prengant!

I gluped. I was. Every time they said it out loud it became more real. What if Ellen wasn't that exited after all? What if she didn't like my pregnant body? They saw my concerned face and rushed to confort me as if they red my mind.

Gosh, I'm being such a baby, hormones started to kick already.

Look, the earlier she knows the better. I heard there was a change in the schedule and we are going back to L.A. before continuing our tour in Seattle, you should tell her then.

She is going to be so exited! - Bellamy clapped quickly, I think she was even more exited herself.

Please film everything - said Kerry - Along with the video we just made when you found out it will make a cute story, you can show it to your kid one day.

[atariince]

I read your opinion on Luthien and I was intrigued about what you considered the selfish side of her. Would you mind elaborate ? I say this because the tale of Beren and Luthien Is the most unispiring tale -at least for me- sacrifying lives for the sake of two lovers

Hello, and thanks for your message and question!

First things first: You, I, we don’t have to feel ecstatic about every characters and every storylines, and you don’t have to justify your preferences. That character doesn’t appeal to you? All right, then! There are plenty of other characters to focus on! (just, you know, don’t shit on people who actually like the characters you’re not fond of). ;) 

I do have a very complicated and ambivalent relationship to the story of Beren and Lúthien; I really can’t say I dislike it, not at all, but it tends to upset me. You ask about my mention of the “selfishness” of Lúthien… [To be honest, I don’t really remember what I said in the post you mention (which is probably a rather old one???) so I can only hope that I’ll be coherent and not too repetitive (generally speaking, my opinion hasn’t changed over the years, but it mighthave evolved)] -  I can understand that my opinion might seem confusing, but in fact, you answered the question yourself: The sacrifice of many for the sake of one couple… (that’s a schematic presentation, yes). But it’s a bit more complicated than that. I actually like the character of Lúthien per se. I like her as a strong, a bit creepy, dog-eared lady who remains blind to a lot of things. I like her being prideful and I like her being FLAWED. You know why? Because I can relate. I’m not perfect, far from it. Nobody is. And if I cannot see my own flaws in a character, I’ll have a hard time being interested in them.

So my problem with the Lay of Leithian has nothing to do with the characters themselves - whether you like them or not, they remain interesting – it has to do with the treatment of the characters, the (frustrating) perspective adopted by the narrator(s), the way the couple seems to be forgiven deeds which would have been considered criminal/terrible/unforgivable if they had been committed by other characters (follow my gaze).

And yes, I can’t deny that I have my own biased reading because of my preference for the Fëanorians, but I try to be as objective as possible (though I can’t be completely objective. I mean, who could?)

So. 

Lúthien is a strong female character, steadfast and fearless, and that’s something I definitely like about her. Now, I’m not fond of the “perfect lady” aura given to the character, you know? This idea that she’s flawless and whatever she does is a good thing. Some sort of a saint (if there were saints in Arda). At no point the narrative voice questions her decisions, she’s always in the light. She is presented as perfect and every other characters seem to agree, no matter what she decides to do. I find all this very irritating, although I guess that’s also what the genre requires (I’ll come back to that point at the end of the post). 

Yet, let’s keep in mind that Lúthien is not like the other Eldar; her mother is an Ainu, and that element is extremely important: she is half divine. It’s crucial because it means that

How could the other Eldar and humans not be, at least, fascinated by her? 

It must be complicated for the Eldar to actually criticise her… I mean, she’s the offspring of demiurgic power!

She must have a specific fate (if Eru allowed her mom to become incarnate and to have a kid with an Elda, He must have some plans)(spoilers : He does)

She must have a different approach of reality, a different way to feel the world, to live in the world, to be concerned with the world and its inhabitants. 

She is powerful and has powers that no other Eldar could ever dream of, which makes her somehow dangerous.

This being said, let’s return the matter at stake:  your question about this self-interest of her, and the sacrifices it implies; not the sacrifice of Beren or Lúthien for one another, but the almost death of thousands of Eldar for them to be together (and I won’t talk of here of Finrod’s choices and his gruesome death because that’s a matter which I’ve already talked about at length – here for instance)

Besides, I mostly agree with Litamande’s interpretation of the Nargothrond episode, so I’ll waste no time repeating it and I advise you to read if that’s not already done. I’ll just point out a few selfish elements to actually elaborate on the “selfish side of Lúthien” (although it doesn’t mean I blame her for being selfish):

1. Lúthien would let a kinslaying happen to be with her lover 

By disobeying her father and by running to Nargothrond, she took the risk of bringing her father’s wrath to Nargothrond.

I know, I know: the texts say that Thingol gets mad because of the Fëanorians' plan to get her married to Celegorm (mind you, I don’t say the Fëanorians don’t have anything to be blamed for, they do, but that’s not the point of this post) but something tells me that, no matter the nature of the Fëanorians' message, Thingol would have been furious - marriage proposal or not, Thingol could have very well played the diplomatic card, discussed the whole thing (or at least  pretended to), got his daughter back and then told the Fëanorians to fuck off. Instead, he prepared his army for an eventual kinslaying. I mean, thanks to the Fëanorians' message, he knows where daughter is, he knows she is relatively “safe” in Nargothrond – and the Fëanorians are just a small impediment which Thingol could get rid of without killing the entire population of Nargothrond…. so I tend to believe that, at this point, Thingol was so offended and upset and panicked in general terms that he would have been mad, not matter who would have said “I found your daughter!”

And I do believe that Lúthien knew it, or at least, considered that it could be a possibility. She’s not stupid. She’s definitely not that naïve.

Likewise, after the Tol Sirion episode, she would rather stay with Beren instead of going back to Doriath, even if that decision leads to a war of elves against elves. It is clearly given in the Lay that Thingol was ready to go to war to get her back, and although I can understand why she wants to stay with her boyfriend, the lives of hundreds of elves are at stake! And coming from the heir of a sovereign, it’s rather… unpolitical, to say the least. And yes, selfish. Now, I’m not saying she shouldn’t be selfish! On the contrary. Please girl, do what you will! 

What upsets me is that she’s still presented as a flawless saint by the narrator, by the other characters, by the Valar and nobody ever tells her that her decisions almost created a war. How frustrating is that? 

2. L&B let a kinslaying happen to keep the Nauglamir in the family

She and Beren have come back from Mandos, they’re in Tol Galen, they have a lovely kid and they talk to no mortal. And they have a Silmaril because Thingol’s dead and Doriath is in a pretty bad state. We know the Fëanorians dare not attack Lúthien, but she knew the risk of keeping a Silmaril, didn’t she? She knew they would do their best to take it back after her death. And although I understand why the Silmaril is symbolically important to her (they died for it , her dad died for it, etc.) she knows what it means to keep a Silmaril; In some versions (“The Nauglafring”, “the Quenta”… see also “The Tale of Years” in HoME XI), Melian herself warns (wrathfully) her and Beren against it… even if Lúthien stops wearing it in some texts, they never ever think about giving it back to the Fëanorians… You’ll tell me that they are the Dispossessed, they can’t have it back anyway, or there would be no story at all. 

I think what upsets me the most here, is not that she decided to keep it no matter what, but the treatment of it. Again. When anyone else in the texts desires a Silmaril or tries to keep a Silmaril, there’s always a warning somewhere, something implying, “this character is becoming greedy and is making a huge mistake blahblah”. But not here, at no point she’s is given as potentially making a mistake, she’s neither depicted as prideful, nor greedy nor anything  – same thing with Beren when he tries to pick up the second Silmaril from the crown of Melkor ; yes he raises hell with his mistake and paid for it, but no one blames him. In the “Quenta” it is even said that he failed to take all the three jewels because of the “knife of the treacherous dwarves”, as if he had nothing to blame himself for… You see why I’m upset. The narrative perspective is completely unfair.

3. The Mandos episode

It is not about Lúthien’s selfishness but it is a fair example of those prejudices. Lúthien is said to be the only one who managed to bring pity into Námo‘s heart. Yet she’s not the only mourning… the Bragollach had happened roughly a decade before the L&B’s story. There are thousands of people in Middle Earth and in Mandos (and in Valinor) weeping and mourning a sibling, a lover, aparent, a child – Lúthien lost her bf whom she met a couple of years before but “her sorrow [is] deeper than their sorrows”??? She is actually given as the one feeling the greatest grief ever? I just… No.

Well, actually, it is no surprise that Námo is moved by her song : she is divine! Her mom sang during the creation of the world…!

Alright yeah, I’m being cynical, I admit it. But what I’m trying to do is not to tell you what’s good or bad or what you should think of the whole thing. I’m barely trying to offer you another perspective, to point at what is not totally clear, what doesn’t make sense to me, what upsets me, so you can maybe see it from another point of view. It’s always an interesting thing to do, even if in the end you don’t change your mind.

And believe it or not, the Lay of Leithian is one of my favourite texts! And maybe it is precisely because of all those elements that confuse me and/or irritate me! At least it gives me something to think about, some new gaps to fill with my imagination!

Now, and this is VERY important, let’s keep in mind that the first Beren and Lúthien writings go back to Tolkien’s youth, and that what Tolkien wanted to do was to write a “heroic-romance from the realm of Faërie" inspired by medieval literature and ancestral folklore. He obviously knew what he was doing, he knew the codes of that kind of literature, and all those elements which I pointed out were carefully wrought by the author; he was aware of the characteristics of the genre and toyed with them, proof is the parodical commentary of the Lay of Leithian by CS Lewis. And come on, technically speaking, the Lay is a masterpiece, if not a feat!  Besides, we also know how dear this particular love story was to Tolkien, and without making it a metaphor of his own life, we can’t ignore this aspect. Therefore, my criticisms are neither literary, scholarly ones, nor personal ones against the author. They’re barely the reflections of a very subjective feeling (and I strongly emphasize that word) of my own, regarding those events and the way they are rendered within the whole history of Middle Earth, as in intradiegetic vision of them.

And to conclude, if Lúthien had not fought for her love story to be a thing, therewould have been no Dior, no Elwing, no Earendil… it is a part of the whole narrative line, of the whole scheme that lead to the salvation of the people of Middle Earth in the 1st Age. SO yes, her selfishness is somehow rightful, it has a purpose, it is for the GREATER GOOD. And again, what bothers me is not Lúthien herself, it is the fact that her decisions are never questioned, by no one at any point. And I believe that if some readers don’t find this tale inspiring, as you put it, it is precisely because of the treatment of L&B ; they’re perfect, unworldly perfect, how could we easily relate to them?

[thelastbraincellofthehive]

"Oh, hey Blake! you alone?"

She barely raised her eyes from her book as she nodded, following Yang for the room as she dropped her backpack on her desk's chair and then leaned her hips against it.

"Nora and Pyrrha came to invite us to some practice sparring for the tournament. I wanted to stay and read, and you know... Weiss, Pyrrha," the black-haired girl explained with a smirk, making her partner chuckle. "What about you? I thought you'd be with Ruby in the library all day."

"That was the plan," Yang shrugged, taking out a water bottle from her backpack and taking a sip. "But Lucky me, Jaune was there too and he also hadn't done his history essay, so they can handle that together, I'm all free," she smiled brightly and dropped herself on the free spot on the bed at Blake's left, the spot she always left empty for her, and inmediatly leaned her head against her shoulder to take a peak at her book. "So... What are we reading today?"

"Does it really matter?" Blake rolled her eyes, but the little smile on her lips didn't go unnoticed. "It's definitely not the same book I was reading last week."

The blonde hummed in response, stretching her arms lazily before crossing them behind her head. "That's a shame, that one was very good."

"I know, you even took a little longer to fall asleep while I read it" Blake mocked. "You'd liked the end by the way, I almost felt bad about finishing it on my own last tuesday."

"Well, is not my fault that you read so awfully fast!" Yang faked annoyance, bumping her shoulder with hers as she laughed, "Seriously, this is probably not even the book you were reading yesterday."

"It's the second part to that one," confirmed the faunus, folding a corner of the page she was on before closing the book. "You know I could easily let you borrow it whenever you like, right?" She made sure as she put it on her bedside table and picked up a second one she had left there earlier. "I have it right here."

"I know! It's just..." Yang shrugged, trying to put her thoughts in order. "I like reading and all that but, I don't know, it's not the same. I just really like hearing your voice reading them. It's really soft and you're good giving voices to the characters, It's just relaxing."

"Oh," Blake's blinked a couple of times, taked by surprised. Her eyes fell to the book on her lap, feeling blood creeping up her neck, making her feel awkward. "Thanks?"

The blonde laughed again, aparently amused by her partner's unnease, and gently patted one of her shoulders when said girl threw her a displeased gaze. "You don't have to get all uncomfortable, its just me Blake," she winked with a soft smile.

"I know, sorry," Blake nodded, trying to answer her gesture with a smile of her own and knowing well it would still look slightly awkward. Even after months of living with Yang, she still wasn't great with taking compliments. "So... You want me to keep reading then? I marked down more or less where we left up last time."

"You did?" The brawler's excited tone made her lift her gaze, surprising her with the way her face looked brighter, smile practically beaming.

"You did seem to like it a lot," she explained with a shrug, opening the book and looking for her mark. "What's the last thing you remember?"

She felt Yang shift at her side, and a moment later her face was leaning again on her shoulder. "I think it was... When there's that fight inside the inn and the girl, Avril I think? gets separated from her group."

The black-haired girl nodded, returnined a couple extra pages to find the mentioned fragment, and started reading.

----

It was not the first time she had fallen asleep by Yang's side after reading to her. She didn't had that issue when she read alone, but there was always something extremely calming for her in the blonde's presence, something that didn't fail to make her feel safe and at ease, contrary to her usual paranoia.

Plus, with her semblance making her body a couple degrees warmer than average, and the particular summer-like smell of her skin —, something like warm sunshine and fresh flowers in bloom —, she had to admit to herself that waking up snuggling to her side was always a treat.

Blake blinked sleep away a couple times, taking back the arm she had thrown around Yang's waist and rubbing one of her eyes before she turned to see the window over her shoulder. The orange of the sky was slowly merging into dark blue, it was probably a good time to wake up Yang if they wanted to go grab something for dinner.

She turned back towards the blonde with that intend in mind, reaching to shake her shoulder, but her peaceful expression made her hesitate. Yang looked... Beautiful. With her blonde mane creating a wild halo around her, lavender eyes softly closed, and chest rising slowly with every breath.

It wasn't the first time that she was struck by her partner's beauty. Yang was beautiful, that was just a fact. Blake more or less often felt the impulsive desire to kiss her, that was another fact, though one a lot less easy to accept.

It would be so easy to try it right then. She was sleeping peacefully, and her half-open lips almost seemed like an invitation. Blake knew she shouldn't do it, but the sudden temptation was just... Too much to handle at that moment. She could, she just needed to lean down a little more for their lips to brush already.

Yang's eyes fluttered open, and she blinked a few times at Blake's face mere inches away from hers, the black-haired girl too frozen to el anything but stare back.

"What are you doing?" The blonde asked with a sleepy voice, arching an eyebrow with curiosity.

The sole action was finally enough to get a reaction from Blake, making her jump back awkwardly and sit straight on her side of the bed. "Nothing!" She answered averting her eyes from her friend, her voice maybe a little too high and startled to be entirely believable. "I was just trying to wake you up, is getting late."

"Really?" Yang sat up and reached foward to grab her arm, her face melting into was seemed to be amusement, as her brain started working again after the nap. " And you wanted to go for a fairytale awakening? Because from down here it almost looked like you wanted to kiss me or something like that."

Blake opened her mouth, but no sounds came out from it for an uncomfortable lapse of time. Enough for the blonde to insist with an annoyingly smug smirk. "Hey, it's ok. I know I'm irresistible, and I wasn't going to complain about a kiss from a pretty girl," she shrugged with a flirty wink.

"It wasn't anything like that!" Exclaimed the brunette suddenly finding her voice again throught the blood pounding in her head.

"Sure, gorgeous," Yang rolled her eyes with good humor. "So if I just decided to wake you up with my head like, five inches away from yours, you wouldn't take it as me trying to steal a kiss?"

The confident reply the faunus wanted to give died in her lips when she felt Yang doing exactly what she had said, lavender eyes too close to golden ones all of a sudden, and the warm of her body a little too close over her own.

"So? What do you think?" Yang asked again, smiling mischievously at her partner's lost of words. "I really could just kiss you right now," she added in a whisper, adjusting her head a little and leaning down closer.

Next moment, she was alone in the bed, Blake's body having dissolved into the air as the shadow clone dissapeared.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Yang complained looking for her over her shoulder, finding her a couple feet from the bed still trying to recover from her blush.

"Using my semblance is not cheating, that's why it is there for," the shorter girl rolled her eyes, looking a lot more composed that she felt.

"It's cheating when I don't have one that puts me in advantage here!" Claimed the brawler, standing up and going for a tackle on her friend that was easily avoided by another clone. "See? It's cheating," she insisted, trying again and again with similar results.

"No, I still don't see it," Blake chuckled softly, her demeanor changing for something more carefree bit by bit. Yang's frustrated expressions were just too good not to laugh.

"C'mon!" The blonde finally got to wrap her arms around her waist, but it was just a second before she dissolved again. "That's totally unfair! I've already got you!"

Blake laughed again and, in an impulsively childlish behavior, couldn't help herself to sink a finger against her partner's ribs causing her to jump.

Yang was ticklish, that was a fact Blake had learnt precisely from another of their naps together, when she had woken up thanks to the blonde's laugh against her human ear, apparently induced for the small twitches of her cat ones against her cheek.

In that moment, as the brawler writhed and squirmed between her fingers, backing until her legs hit a bed and her knees bent making her fall backwards with Blake on top of her, the black-haired girl was taking a very good advantage of that knowledge.

Between the loud of Yang's pleads for her to stop and Blake's own loud laughter, they didn't even noted the door being open, Weiss entering with her rapier in one hand and a small bag in the other stopping frozen once she took the sight in front of her.

"What in dust name are you two doing?" She exclaimed bewildered, both of her brows raising high.

"Weiss!" Yang greeted, taking the moment of distraction to grab both of Blake's wrists to prevent any more attacks. "Could you please take her off of me?"

"How was sparring practice?" Asked Blake at the same time.

The white-haired girl looked between them suspiciously, but ended up entering the room and walking towards her desk. "It was fine, I won against Ren and Neptune. But lost against Nora," she shuddered. "They really shouldn't let her fight without Ren there to keep her in line. But anyway, I just fame her to leave my stuff and ask you two if you want to go down to the cafeteria for dinner, I texted Ruby and she said she'll save us a table."

"Sure."

"We'll go," both of them nodded at the same time, watching as the heiress put awat everything aside from her key and scroll.

"By the way, you can keep on with you tickle fights if you want. Whatever," she rolled her eyes, leaving Myrtenaister inside its case. "But at least could you do it in your bed? You're messing up my sheets."

It was until then that the faunus girl reacted at the fact they weren't indeed in their side of the room, last few minutes had passed in a blurr now that she thought about it.

"Oh, right," she quickly got up from the bed finally releasing Yang, who kept laying down as she finished catching her breath, cleaning a couple tears from her wet cheeks "Sorry, she started it."

"I can believe that."

"Hey! It's not true!" Inmediatly claimed the brawler, standing up in a blink with an offended expression. "Blake started it when she tried to k-"

A new poke at her ribs cut her words, turning them into hysterical laugher again in a couple of seconds. "Blake-! ...Blake stop it!" She fell again with the faunus on top of her, this time on the floor. "C'mon! It's just a ki-!" A particulary strong jab made her writhe, tears again rolling down her cheeks finding no mercy in her partner. "ok! I won't... I won't say... anything! ... P-promise!"

The last sentence finally seemed to convince the faunus to stop her attack. She found out that she was also breathing heavily for the effort, but she couldn't contain the grin on her mouth, small shrikes of laughter shaking her shoulders a little.

"Sorry," she mussed, voice low and not feeling sorry at all.

"Yeah, sure," Yang rolled her eyes between deep breaths. "I feel like I'm the one feeling sorry here," she accused, and Blake could't help but laugh. "I was just going to kiss your cheek by the way, you didn't need to get so worked up," she added in a lower voice so just Blake could hear.

The faunus felt herself blush again, nodding quicky as she raised to her feet. "Yeah, me too,"

"Just so you now," Weiss commented from her place casually leaning against the door, reminding the other two that she was still in the room with them. "With all that, I'm pretty sure now that Yang wasn't the one who started it."

The blonde smiled triumphantly, and Blake rolled her eyes as she sat up straddling her hips. "That's not true, she was the one embarrasing me," she declared again, moving off so Yang could stand up.

"Whatever you want to believe, tickle monster," she mocked, trying yo get revenge by poking the shorter girl like she had done just to find herself with another one of her shadow clones.

"You're so easy to fool," Blake shook her head now standing next to Weiss, reaching for the door handle. "Let's go, we shouldn't keep Ruby waiting anymore than we already did."

"You cheated again!" Yang complained, struggling to stand up as fast as she could to go after her.

Weiss meanwhile looked between them in the sideways for another moment before she sighed and closed the door behind them, aparently giving up. "You two are so weird."

[moss-sprouted]

you know what i fucking

loved this show

sooo much

but the walking dead in like 3 episodes how completely fallen apart

well honestly in the last 3 or so seasons it has

carl got killed off for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON

when he would be carrying the show right now

rick got fake killed off in the worst way like i would have!! rather we just didnt know!!! dont show him being alive at the end!! let us think he died!! pull a glenn thats fine!! we would have been angry but fine at the end cause we'd hopefully have a happy ending!!

now jesus is dead,aparently cause his actor chose to leave because of how bad the writing has gotten

maggies gone too and also in a stupid way

like!!! this is stupid!! you can't skip a year and a half and then 6 years!! thats not enough time for us to adjust! thats too much time to fill in!! like other shows when they do that its usually like people chilling in a bunker or something *coughthe100whodiditwellcoughcough*

i watched the episode after the time skip

and i love the new characters but now all the old ones being decimated just!! it sucks!! this is not the show i love

i might watch it for carol and daryl which like holy shit they're tHE ONLY ONES OF THE ORIGINAL GROUP LEFT W H Y

what can we say we're happy when they go away from the comics like with richonne and carol being live and all that,we're sad when they stick to them when they kill glenn,but we're also pissed when they kill off carl and boot rick in the worst way

i dont have the energy to watch this show anymore

i just fucking don't

stop!! killing off!!! lgbt+ characters!!!

jesus could have joined maggie!!!

eric and aaron should have raised gracie together!!!!

denise deserved better!!!

actors should leave when they need to

but writers who have had 9 whole damn seasons to play in should know how to write characters off

remember season 3 and 4 when everyone was miserable? honestly i fucking miss it

remember when deaths meant something and weren't throw away?

hershel and beth dying made maggie who she is

and honestly? hershels death was the fucking ripple that just

it made the characters who they are now and it caused an impact because he was the glue

and beth reminded us that even the purest ones don't get happy endings

but their deaths still meant something

every death since glenn and abraham hasn't,sashas you could argue did but her walker didn't do much

i'm ranting now but i'm angry and sad and i miss this show

it's not like it was and it was never perfect but the whole vibe is wrong and different

take me back to when they fled the prison or they found alexandria

[maraki-of-the-fandoms]

Thoughts on les miserables bbc episode 5

Not the worst but a large part was fights so there wasn't enough dialoge to mess up....they still mess it up

Thernadier escapes with no help of gavroche and the patrominate and a suspensfull plan

He pretends to die for cholera....which is stupied....my first though was they didn't check for pulse

Some point out that they didn't know about pulse but even back then they knew to check for heartbeat and breath

And cholera is a very messy disease with messy obviouse symptomes...difficult to fake

They trie to robe rue plumet and half the gang is missing

And they have the part with eponine trying to stop them but here is useless!!

She just screams a little and stops when they threat her with a knife and they leave because of dogs....so thats a strong intresting character...not like the boring females in the book where she curse them tells them to die and scares them and force them to leave

And an other strong character who faints when she meets the love of her life...i have seen patriarchy sexist movies for the 60-70 with the same fainting women but that was worst....not like that boring book where she expecting him and the kiss

And in here the keep kissing a lot of time because there is no reason to talk and get to know it's other...not like that boring book where they meet for weeks and talk and they don't kiss because they respect it's other and they care for personality

And we don't how long they see it's other here but it's not long...propable it's only the (2) times we see

Marius tries to ask his grandfathers permision to marry and it's quite good scene

Although we don't know how long he was gone

Or how much gillenormand missed him

Or that Marius needs permision because he is basically a minor(he will be adult by the law at 25)

And we see gillenormand chase after marius but in the book he was to late because he is old and slow and marius didn't listen becase he was already gone and the poor grandfather lost all hope

And we don't have the all conversation to see that the grandfather has a point to worry about the marriage because marius is penniless at this point and looks the poor part...and in this version he doesn't no cosette long enough

So the revolution begans and i don't care about anyone at the baricade which is a shame

Gavroche is ok and cute and acts like a gamin for the most part...

...but when he has a gun acts like a gigling murderous psycho!!

The amis are some pansies and kinda cowards

The amis (or what they left of them) need support to follow the revolution?! They need to persuade from a worker to follow(who is not Feuilly for some reason)because it's not like they where one of the main organizer revolutionary groups

They just shit and drink must of the time

And when the revolution begins we see them at the funeral full of fear which is stupied because they just began the fights and in the book they are prepared and it's not they're first revolotion...they were part of the 1830 jule revolution

They are lots of people in the funeral who openly carry guns!!! What the hell?! Where is the police?! They see them and they just stare when they expect a revolt....just take some safety measuremants you fools(but can you blame them when their boss only carres about valjean?)

The fights are good and they try...but half the time it copies the 2012 movie with out the epicness of the music...the music tries to make it suspensfull but there is no epic and drama in it and it's out of place half the time(generally the fight is good and tries more than the whole script)

I thing they are to many people...not so in the funeral but later in the baricades...makes me wonder why they fail

Marius threatens to blow the baricade!!(yeeeee) ...when his not on the baricade and I think his closer to his friends than his soldiers(nitpicking here but it's kinda funny) and start hunt the soldiers away while screamming like a bear(whyyyyy) because aparently we must have at list one bear scream per episode and at this point I'm to scared to ask why

They had the flag and mabeuf and somehow they didn't make it work....why didn't even know why he was there...we didn't had him became friend with marius, try to make his project work,to try to share his knowledge and passion and end bankrupt,to try to survive,to get him stay unnotice from the goverment who said they would help him,to get him find a purse full of money and retarn it to the police will he could ise it to buy food,sell everything he loved to aford food and hope he would die before he sell everything...when he went to the baricade he had sell his last thing(to help his sick servent) and he knew he would die for starvation...he decided to go to fight for something better because he had lost everything and had nothink else to lose...he decided to die heroicle...when they ask a volunteer for the flag everyone knew it was a suicide mission...but he still went and chose his one death instead of the slow one chosen by the society and died will saying basically the most epic screw you to the wrong society...he couldn't kill anyone in the baricade because he was too peacefull for that so he decided to be the first martyr instead for somone young...that was mabeuf in the book and we never see him

Eponine dies and the change her last words which is a discreace to the character and the intresting build up hugo did for her

Valjean hasn't appear yet....instend we have someone who drags his daughter and locks her inside...he grabs gavroche and forsefully take(basically steals) the letter...he doesn't care that the kid is going to a fight!!! He doesn't try to give him money to help it....he doesn't see a kid breaking lambs and says to it "cool break as many you want" he just scares it and than reads his daughter letter gets angry for the man whose gone take here and decides to grab a knife(they focus on that) and goes to the baricade...if i didn't read the book i would guess his going for a good old murder!!! And we didn't see the conflic to "let marius die it's an idiot who is gone take away my only happiness or it's a boy it's not right to think like and be happy about that his death and cosette would be sad... gona try and still hope for his death but at least it would not be my fault"....honestly valjean in book is the swetty but awesome grandpa we all want and need who has a habit to feel guilt and insecure over everything(just like half the people I know including me)

Javert still missing...and OMG his worst even for geoffrey rush version(not the actor....he was actually the only thing that make enjoyable)!!! He is the must borring flat oneminded obsess over valjean version of all and it' ironic because "this is a book accoured version who does justice to the book unlike the awfull musical" and the book!javert is the least obsess of all and the most intresting funny sarcastic human version.....here he has so much power that he has do deal with the preparation and the plans to stop the revolt and he doesn't care about that he cares about valjean!! How he even achive the promotion with this focus!! Really everything it happens it's valjeans fault!! I'm sure he blames valjean even for the rain or the cholera!! Can't he focus?!?!?! He goes to the baricade because he things valjean is the leader and it's his fault(a bloody revolution!!!) And when his men try to stop him from going he insist to go because he is the only he can deal with valjean....he goes to the baricade and ask for valjean!! He is caught and arrested and the baricades and he still ask for valjean and still thinks he is the leader!!!! In book he was a really low member of the police with little power little money outside of society but he believed in law and order...he was just follow orders from his bosses when his at the baricades and from the law when it's about valjean....when he gets arrest he is calm fearless and full of sarcasm and it's so admirable...in the bbc version I dislike him and want him died just to sut up and stop being such a pain in the ass and feel sorry for his officers who have to listen to his whine and it's horrible because he is my favourite character in the brick and one of my favourite fiction character generally

Not the worst episode but they messed already most of things so they didn't have much to screw up...But they have messed so much that I hate to watch the scenes with my favourite book characters(valjean javert)and not only and want them to live the screen because they are annoying and horible people( almost everyone is in this version expept for 3-4)...at this point I care most for the poor officers who have to deal for javert!! Can't wait to see them destroy the derailed