#this makes me doubt of how much people actually understand nick

[thediamondarcher]

I don't think Nick is dependent on Charlie. It's a wish fulfilment series, so not only does the idealized perfect guy who's way out of the league of the self-insert character like him back, he likes him even more see! Just like in every fanfic. But even in that reality, Nick has a whole ass life outside Charlie, he's popular, he's well-adjusted, he makes friends easily. Charlies has nothing outside Nick. Social interactions are hard for him. If Tao hadn't very actively approached him and taken all the initiative, Charlie wouldn't have any friends at all. An irl Charlie who doesn't live in a magical universe that doesn't cater to him, where boyfriends, friends and siblings only ever care about him and treat him like the main character (which is he lol) is a universally lonely person.

Nick's not well-adjusted because he's completely clueless about who he is when he's not with Charlie and he's a people pleaser. He makes friends easily but he is so dependent on Charlie that he doesn't know how to get himself to open up to them and talk to them about his things, Charlie is the only person he opens up to. Charlie has a whole life and goals besides Nick (he's also dependent but not to Nick's point). We're not at the point of "Nick & Charlie" where Nick's more sure of himself, we're in the part where he's completely clueless of who he is without Charlie.

It's surprising how so many people like Nick but apparently don't actually see his character, it's like i always see people talking about him but never about HIM.

He's not just a popular, extroverted and stereotypical guy. He has no sense of self, he's lost about himself, he has no confidence and he's someone who practically just started developing his own personality (which it's not that weird because he's 17 but he has still repressed a lot)

[darksigns-exe]

The Sound Of The Waves Collide - Nick x Noah

Paring: Noah Sebastian x Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: Non-penetrative intercourse, swearing, technically unprotected sex

Word Count: 4k

Set after Remember Where We Started Out

His thumb draws soothing circles across the back of Noah’s. He feels his eyes fall shut at the feeling. Nick’s been so patient with him, and Noah’s more than grateful for it. 

He can’t stop thinking about it. Before them – before he got involved with Nick and his girlfriend – this was never something that had even crossed his mind. There have been a lot of firsts, new experiences since then.

The first hurdle had been to accept that he was interested in another man – one that he has been friends with for what feels like aeons at that. It’s taken him quite a bit of time to admit that he feels that way, especially considering that Nick has been with the same girl for almost as long as he’s known him. But they’ve both been so patient with him. 

He’d let Nick touch him a few times already, but it’s never gone further than handjobs while they’d all been pressed up against each other. Noah’s never been alone with Nick like he has with her. Not that he doesn’t want to, his mind swims with need every time he thinks about it. But before he gets to act on it, his mind snaps shut, and really he wouldn’t blame Nick if he’s starting to doubt this whole thing. 

He shivers when a hand draws across the back of his neck. He doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s Nick. 

“What’s on your mind, pretty boy?” 

The pet name still sends his mind reeling, even when they both use it so frequently. It had been a joke at some point, and he doesn’t know when they’ve started to use it in earnest. 

“Hm?” 

“You’re quiet, even for your standards.” His fingers twirl a stray piece of hair around them, “Talk to me.”

Noah thinks for a moment. He needs to talk to them, and especially to Nick, at some point. 

“Sit with me?” 

The other slides onto the sofa next to him, “Go on.”

He’s never been particularly good with this stuff, and it feels even worse now. 

Nick's body is turned entirely towards him, and his entire attention is on Noah in that oddly comforting way. It would unnerve him with other people when Nick is this focused on him, it makes him feel at ease. 

“I’m all ears.”

He draws in a breath, but it does little to calm his mind. Noah knows that no matter what he’ll say, Nick will understand, he always does. 

“I was thinking about how much you do for me and how I never – you know…” he hopes that the thinly veiled allusion will suffice. 

It won’t, Nick has been trying to get him to actually ask for the things he wants instead of hoping that they will just be able to read his mind. 

Nick doesn’t say anything and instead just gives him a pointed look. 

“Saturday? When you…when you got me off?” he chokes the words out, “I want to repay the favour. I just don’t know what I’m doing.” 

Noah feels the other's eyes burning into him, “First of all I need you to stop thinking of it as repaying a favour. You’re not doing me a favour – at least I hope that’s not how you think about it.” Noah is quick to shake his head, “Good. I know for sure that you have at least some idea of what you could do.”

His hands wring together, trying to combat the anxiety firing through his brain. Noah tries to keep himself focused on how good Nick made him feel and how badly he wanted and still wants to see that same expression on him. 

Nick wordlessly reaches across to take Noah's hands into his, “You know that you don’t have to be nervous, right? This isn't so different from what you do with her. And you should know well enough by now that if you ever need to stop, all you have to do is say so.”

His thumb draws soothing circles across the back of Noah’s. He feels his eyes fall shut at the feeling. Nick’s been so patient with him, and Noah’s more than grateful for it. 

And so he gathers his wits. 

“Can you walk me through it?”

“What part of it, you’ll have to be a bit more precise.” 

Damn Nick and his insistence on communicating.

He doesn’t know why this is what he is craving. He’s watched her go down on Nick a good few times now, always with his hands somewhere on their bodies. And maybe he thought about it just as many times. 

Nick gives his hands another squeeze in silent reassurance, but words just won’t come. He can practically feel himself seizing up again. But Nick doesn’t detach himself, like he previously had — he doesn’t give him space this time. Instead, he feels a warm hand against the side of his face, finger burrowing into his hair as he’s gently steered to face the other man. 

The expression on Nick's face dances somewhere between worried and something softer. 

“You know me, Noah. I’m not some guy from a bar.” 

Maybe that’s exactly the reason, Noah thinks then. He knows Nick, and he cares enough for him to worry that he won’t like what Noah has to offer. 

He blinks up at Nick. 

This they’ve done. Always in the middle of it, when his mind was occupied with the hands that seemed to explore every inch of his body, but never like this. This time, it doesn’t stop Noah from surging forward to press his lips against Nicks. The other hesitates for a moment, stalls, before he returns the kiss. They move at a snail's pace. Lips moving languidly against each other. Noah dares to tear one of his hands away from Nick and places it where he would against her body. 

He knows how to make her head swim when they make out, this can’t be too different. Nick lets him set the pace, waits until Noah pulls him in even deeper before he parts his lips. He knows what to expect here, the slow draw of tongue against his lower lip asking for entry and the weight in his chest that always follows. 

Nick's free hand feels heavy against his thigh. Its weight is comforting, and Noah lets himself sink into the touch. 

He leans backwards, pulling Nick with him. The hand that had been heavy against his thigh comes to prop Nick's body up. He dips back down to kiss Noah again, just a quick peck before his lips find his neck. The feeling of Nicks teeth grazing against his neck fills his head with cotton. And when he soothes the gentle sting with a brush of his tongue, Noah lets his eyes fall shut. 

“You’re doing so good.” Nick speaks against his neck, before he kisses the heated skin again. 

The praise sinks into him and settles in his belly with a warmth he hasn’t felt before. But it feels good. It feels good in the same way their hands feel good when they trace all over him. 

Nicks hands slithers under his shirt. His fingers are soft against his skin. They’re both so gentle with him. Most of his previous encounters have been rushed, and usually he’s been the one administering pleasure. Being in this position is just as new to him as most experiences of the recent months. Maybe he likes this a little more than he’d previously thought. 

“Hey.” Nick pinches his side just enough to draw him out of his thoughts again, “Everything good?”

Noah nods, fully knowing that Nick will want him to speak. 

“Yes.” He corrects himself, “Just—what you said…”

Nick surveys him for a moment. The look weighs heavily on him. Nick doesn’t say anything, but something tells him that this particular bit of information is stored somewhere in Nick’s brain for an opportune moment down the line. The hand that is still resting against his side pushes further upwards. He feels caught in the headlights as Nick is still entirely focused on him. He’s subjected partners to his kind of attention before. To be at the receiving end of it is more intense than he had anticipated. 

“Take this off?” Nick asks softly as he moves the fabric up even farther. 

He sits up a little, allowing Nick to remove the offending garment. While he’s at it, Nick removes his own shirt, tossing both of them towards the armchair behind Noah's head. Nick is back on him in an instant. It’s a little dizzying, and he feels himself gasp when Nick kisses at the joint of his neck and shoulder. He basks in the attention, in the way Nick’s fingers dance across his bare skin. There’ll be plenty of marks littering his skin, even with the ink that covers it. The only other person that will see them will be the opposite of offended, he’s sure of that. 

“Look at you, being so good for me. Think you can do something for me?”

Noah finds himself nodding, despite the bubbling nerves in his chest. He thinks, that they’re the good kind, though. Anticipation – the kind that will make the pay-off so much better. 

“Think you can trust me for a bit? You can always tap out, but I think you want me to take the lead, is that right?” 

“Please.” Noah has never known himself to sound so desperate, but it snakes through him at that moment, winds itself around his spine, “Nick.”

There’s a little quirk in the other's brow before he breaks into a smile, “That’s what I thought. Do you want to stay here or do you want to go upstairs?”

Noah contemplates for second. The sanctity of the bedroom would offer them more privacy compared to the living room, but if they move now, the bubble could pop and he might lose his bravery. 

“Can we stay here?” 

Nick’s face softens, “Of course. It’s all your choice.” 

He nods, “I want to stay here.” 

He seems to be satisfied with that “Good.” he pauses for a moment, still regarding him intently, “Good to go on?” 

“Yes.”  

Nick leans down to kiss him again, gently this time. It’s slow at first, but before he knows it, Nick's tongue is in his mouth. Noah lets his mind draw blank, allows himself to sink into the feeling. His hand finds the back of Nick's neck. He has to keep him close, keep him attached like this. He feels it then, Nick's thigh between his, pressing upwards until – he gasps into the other's mouth. Noah doesn’t know how he hasn’t been aware of just how hard he’s been this entire time. It’s almost painful now that he’s paying attention to it. Nick shifts his attention back to his neck, this time littering the opposite side with the same depth of bruises. 

He tries to keep track of where he is moving, but his head is too full already. Lips seal around a nipple, before tongue then teeth graze across it. His mind feels as if it’s been set on fire. He’s hyper aware of every movement Nick makes, but at the same time his brain struggles to keep up with the sensations. Fingers skate across his abdomen, much like they had done the weekend prior. He knows where they’re headed, it still catches him off guard when he feels Nicks hand dip into the waistband of his sweats. 

He’s so intensely aware of the difference in their touch. They’re both gentle when they touch him, but he’d come to find that he enjoys the roughness that comes with Nicks hands just as much as he likes the scrape of her nails. 

Noah forces his eyes open. He has to see him, has to see how Nick continues to descend down his torso to kiss at the skin of his stomach. Nick looks up at him just then and it shakes him to the core. The emotion on the other's face is clear. The warmth – the love is unmistakable. And the feeling chokes up in his throat for a moment, before something settles in him. Maybe he’s known it for a while. But then again, he’s never been that good at admitting his feelings – even to himself. 

“How are you feeling?” Nick asks quietly, barely lifting himself up. 

“Good.” 

“Still good to go on?”

He nods and for once Nick lets it slip. 

He presses a kiss to Noah’s waist, right about the line of his sweatpants, “Can I take these off too?”

Noah lifts his hips automatically. The response seems to be good enough for Nick, as he slowly tugs both his sweats and his underwear downwards. They’ve been naked in front of each other often enough, and really Nick has seen him in much more vulnerable positions before. Noah lets out a gasp when the head of his cock slaps against his belly. He watches as Nick carefully places the garments on the other end of the sofa, before he strips down to his own underwear. There’s a very obvious bulge in the fabric, and Noah tries for a very brief moment to stop himself from reaching out. The little restraint he has snaps quickly, though, and he finds himself reaching for the others' waist. He lingers there for a moment, feels the warm skin beneath his fingers. He can feel the heavy weight of Nick's eyes on him as his hand slowly drifts across his stomach and then lower – lower. 

Nick draws in a sharp breath when he makes contact. It’s familiar enough, Noah thinks. He lets the backs of his fingers graze across the taut fabric. His curiosity gets the better of him and palms across Nicks cock. He’s seen him bare before, but he’s never had the guts to actually touch him. He feels large beneath his hand. Noah doesn’t know why he’s surprised, he watched Nick fuck her often enough, he’s seen how pretty she stretches around him, heard how sweetly she moans for him. It shouldn’t surprise him. 

“You can take it out.” Nick encourages. 

The choice of words makes him shiver a little. He doesn’t understand how Nick remains so calm when he feels as if his entire body is heating up to impossible temperatures. 

Nick takes the choice from him and maybe Noah is a little thankful for that.

He tugs the boxers from his lean hips. The shift is slow enough so that it doesn’t jostle Noah too much. He’s transfixed, eyes glued to the sight in front of him. Nick comes back to kneel on the sofa in front of him. He shifts for a moment, and then he reaches for Noah's hand. Nick presses a brief kiss to his palm before he guides him down to his cock. He wraps their joined hands around himself, Noah’s palm directly touching him. He lets them rest for a second. 

It’s odd. The soft skin feels familiar enough, but touching someone else like this is new. Noah tries to move his hand and Nick lets him. He keeps his hand around him for a couple of strokes. 

“Get your palm wet for me.” Nick speaks coarsely. 

This he knows. 

Noah pulls his hand away from Nick just long enough for him to spit into his palm. He keeps his strokes slow, trying to savour the moment as best as he can. He knows that the slow movements are so far from enough. Nick had him in a similar position just a few days back. This is different, though. It’s less teasing and more exploratory as he lets himself get used to this. He chances a look up at Nick’s face. His lower lip is pulled between his teeth as he watches Noah’s every move. 

“Is it good?” Noah asks quietly, not really trusting his voice. 

Nick finds his face, his eyes low and darkened. The look pierces through him, makes him shiver with anticipation. 

“You’re doing so good, baby. So very good.” he sounds so breathless already. 

Noah tries to memorise the way he looks at that moment. The glazed over look, the hitched breathing. This is his doing. Noah is making him feel this good. He’s leaking profusely, not that Noah is any better off himself. The slick of his precum eases the slide of Noah's hand along his shaft. His hips stutter forwards, meeting Noah’s still slow strokes. 

Nick lets him work for a few more minutes, before he grasps Noah’s wrist. With a gentle push, he has Noah back against the cushions. 

“Do you think you’re feeling up for it today?” he asks, brows furrowing as if he’s trying to read Noah’s mind. 

He truly doesn’t know if he is up for that. The act itself is already somewhat intimidating, and the size of Nick’s cock doesn’t exactly help. Seeing it up close like this at least explains the sounds she makes when Nick fucks her. 

“We don’t have to. I want you to enjoy it. If you’re all tense, it won’t be good.” His hand comes to rest against Noah’s waist, his thumb gently worrying against the tattooed skin, “And you’ve already been so good for me. Think you’re due for a treat.” 

Noah gets the feeling that this is far from the first time that Nick has done this. He seems a little too calm, too practiced to sell this as a new thing for him. In a way, he is glad that he has Nick to lean on for this, but a small voice in the back of his head wants to curse everyone that came before him. 

The brush of Nick’s thigh against his draws him back to the present. Noah feels Nick shift so that he’s resting half-way above him, one thigh firmly between his. With the way Nick is positioned above him Noah feels small, but not in the way he’s felt small before. It’s safe, comfortable. He’s safe. 

He doesn’t know what comes next until he feels Nick’s hand wrapping around his own shaft. He gives a few too dry strokes before — Noah has to look down to where they’re meeting to fully understand what’s happening. Nick is holding both of them in one hand. It’s a stretch, but his hand just curls around them. Nick holds them like this for a moment, before he gives a first gentle thrust. Noah digs his fingers into the velvet cushion of the sofa. The tight clutch of Nick’s hand around them, the brush of his cock against Noah's. 

It’s almost too much right from the start. 

He can’t stop his hips from bucking up against Nicks. His head tips back against the armrest. If he keeps looking at Nick or where he’s holding them together, he’ll lose it sooner than he wants to. Nick leans down to kiss him again. Instead of the previous slow kisses, it’s rushed this time. All desperate teeth and tongue. Noah tries to keep him close, buries his hand in the hair at the back of his head. 

Nick gasps against his lips. 

His kiss migrates back to his neck. Noah can feel every puff of air against his heated skin. He wants to hide in the crook of his neck, hide himself from the world as Nick keeps working them. It builds up slowly at first. A crawl that draws up the length of his spine. And when it reaches the back of his neck, it sends his head down a delirious spiral. 

The slide of his hand along their cocks is slicked with both of them. The sound of it reaches his ears even through the static buzzing throughout his mind. He doesn’t know where one of them ends and the other begins. All he can do now is grip onto Nick’s shoulder as best as he can, while the constant rise of pleasure in his belly threatens to overwhelm him. He feels dizzy. The room around him feels washed out. The only thing that will come into focus is the edge of Nick’s shoulder right in front of him. 

Noah can faintly feel Nick moving against him, but it all feels so hazy. Every touch feels fuzzy and out of focus, but at the same time he’s never been more aware of every sensation that courses through him. The hand that’s been holding them together, comes to rest against the side of his face. Nick pulls him towards his lips. There’s a smear of something against his cheek, but before he can put too much thought into it, Nick is kissing him again. 

Nick’s rhythm grows more and more unsteady with every miniscule movement. And only when he strains his mind, does Noah realise that the other is fully resting against him now. The slow, desperate grind of his hips makes him think that Nick is getting closer to his end. Noah feels his fingers dig into Nick’s shoulder. His own end is approaching rapidly now. 

And when Nick pulls away from his lips only to fix him with that heated look, the knot feels so much tighter suddenly. 

“You’re right there, aren’t you?” the words come out more like a moan, and it makes Noah buck up against him. The hand on his face returns down below again. It’s unsteady and quick, rushing to get him over the edge. He’s teetering right there on the edge, one step away from falling into that abyss. 

“Come on, be good for me. Just like that.” his words stoke the flames even further, “Oh f-fuck–” the words tear off into a breathless gasp. 

His vision whites out for a moment. 

Every muscle in his body tenses up, pulling him taught as a string as his pleasure unravels. And it won’t stop. The waves keep crashing over him, pulling him under and pushing him back up to the surface. Nick works him through it, keeps him at that overwhelming level of pleasure until it does become too much. He pushes at Nick’s hand. 

He pulls away, but remains leaning over him for a moment longer. Noah feels his chest heave against his own. The heavy, heaving breaths he draws in fan out against the skin of his shoulder. 

The moment until Nick sits up feels endless and not long enough at the same time. He wants him this close all the time, as selfish as that feels. 

“How are you feeling?” his hands come to rest against the sides of his chest again. 

He can’t stop the little laugh that breaks from him then. Now that it’s done, he doesn’t know why he’s been so hesitant. 

“Good. It was good.” 

“Just good?” 

Everything still feels a little fuzzy, as if he still isn’t entirely back in his own mind. He feels as if he’s floating several inches above himself, watching as Nick licks up the little bit of their release that stains the side of his hand. 

“It’s a lot. I know.” Nick soothes, “Take your time.” 

Noah barely registers how he reaches for the tissue box on the little end table or how Nick cleans the residue from his skin. By the time he’s back from the kitchen with a bottle of water, he feels a little more settled in himself again. 

“It was more than good.” he says, sounding a little weaker than he had hoped. 

“I know. You didn’t see how blissed out you looked when you came.” he breaks into a smile that fills Noah with a fondness that he doesn’t know from himself, “Do you want to go get a shower? We should get cleaned up before she gets home.”

He finally finds the words when they’re drying off again. It’s not an I love you, but it’s close enough. And the genuine warmth that Nick radiates back at him tells him that he understands what he’s trying to say with his fumbled admission. They’ve known each other long enough. And as much as he liked being Nick’s friend, knowing that these two people care so much for him that they’re willing to change the rules of their own relationship makes his heart swell a little more than he’s willing to admit right now. But there’s always time for that. 

[deathblacksmoke]

Dramamine—Part 2

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit’s Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

CW: Light angst, pining, self-doubt/self-loathing

*Content warnings will be updated by chapter*

Word Count: 1.2K

Taglist: @concretenoah / @ladyveronikawrites / @circle-with-me / @darksigns-exe / @xxrainstorm / @monotoniscreaming / @agravemisstake / @iknownothingpeople

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future fics!

Author's Note: Thank you as always Lady V for the beta and for everyone encouraging (and hand-holding) me through this series.

dividers by @cafekitsune 💐

If anyone asks, he’s never heard of Noah Sebastian Davis. He didn’t go home and do his best, non-creepy internet stalk. He didn’t find a YouTube profile full of covers and make himself late for work, unable to stop watching. He isn’t spending any amount of time more than what’s normal thinking about the long-haired and pretty-faced boy that just waltzed into his bar and burrowed his way into his chest, causing a hollow ache in his gut. He hasn’t made himself sick to his stomach about it.

See you next week echoes in his brain. He can’t stand it.

He can’t have this feeling meaning what he’s worrying it means. He doesn’t know him and he doesn’t feel this way about anyone. Not anymore. He hasn’t for over 700 days and he never will again. It’s a promise he made to himself, so it’ll pass. It has to pass.

“Is this everyone for tonight?” Nick asks Jolly, holding up the open mic schedule to him. He tries his best to play like he’s not disappointed, but he can’t deny that his heart sank when he noticed a name missing.

Granted, he hasn’t tried very hard to move past this, but he’s had a week. He’s had 7 days to figure his mind out, get a little understanding on why he’s so stuck on this, why after all this time of nothing—of suffering—his brain has decided that romantic feelings are possible for him again, and why it’s so hyperfixated on this person. He doesn’t know what it is about him, and he doesn’t even know him. He knows he can get over it, because he has to. This isn’t an option. He’s had a week to prepare to see Noah again, worried about how he’ll act normal.

It seems that he won’t have to worry about any of that tonight, but his chest feels heavy and his dismay is clear when he slams the list back down on the bar. He doesn’t want to admit that he came in this morning a little happier than normal, a dull excitement buzzing through his limbs. He hoped no one noticed, but he caught Folio smirking at him and he found himself not caring. He doesn’t want to admit that the missing name deflated him.

“That’s everyone for now,” Jolly answers. Nick’s body feels heavy, immediately slumping. “We have some space left for last-minute slots if anyone shows up. We had a few last week.”

He refrains from asking who the last-minute additions were last week. He doesn’t want to be too obvious—he fears he already is. He wants to ask Jolly if he still has the list from last week, so he can look at it and see if Pretty Boy is just a poor planner.

Instead, he sinks back into his normal self. He refuses to get his hopes up. He refuses to deal with the humiliation if he allows himself to hope and Noah doesn’t show. It’s better this way.

To his irritation, the turnout this week is much better than last. Gavin isn’t turning people away at the door this time, but when Nick takes a look around at the packed bar, he wonders if maybe he should be. His bar stools have been full all night and it’s a little claustrophobic. 

The tips are good enough to make it worth it, but he’s teetering the line between okay and overwhelmed. The bar hasn’t been this busy in years, not even on a weekend night. He doesn’t remember how to handle it all with grace, not actually sure that’s a talent he’s ever had.

The patrons seem to be endeared by his piss poor attitude, somehow. They’re handing him $20 bills, signing their receipts with little hearts, scrawling their phone numbers on the back. He tries to hide the way it makes him feel a little nauseated to flirt back. He has a feeling they don’t find themselves in places like this often, a grouchy tattooed bartender a novelty. It exhausts him, turns his stomach, even as he pockets the bills that will keep his lights on for the month.

He’s grateful, at least, for the distraction. The swaths of people packed into the building, the constant line of people at his bar, it’s enough to keep him from wondering if Noah is somewhere in that crowd. It’s keeping his thoughts of where is he? what is he doing? why do I care? at bay, for the moment.

He’s just gotten the hang of it when he catches something familiar out of the corner of his eye.

“Hey guys, I’m Noah—” and suddenly Nick’s vision narrows.

He can almost feel the hearts forming in his pupils, and he has half a mind to be embarrassed, but the other half is too focused to care. When he starts strumming a Rilo Kiley song, it’s so painfully earnest that he can’t help but feel endeared. He can’t ignore the way his cheeks warm.

Now, some days, they last longer than others But this day by the lake went too fast

“What’s that look all about?” Folio asks him, pulling Nick from his thoughts immediately. He does feel embarrassed now, rolling his eyes to help push it away. 

It’s less embarrassing if you react with an angry annoyance, he figures.

“Shut the fuck up, Folio.”

He doesn’t see Noah after he finishes his slot. He figures he played and left and that’s okay. He doesn’t take it personally. He’s too busy tonight to worry about it, anyway. Even as the open mic has ended, the swath has only thinned out slightly. He may actually have to do a last call tonight.

He doesn’t let out a sigh of relief when he looks to the door and sees Noah walking through it, slouched over in a way that looks terribly uncomfortable, especially since he’s still towering over everyone here.

He pulls a Yuengling from the fridge as Noah approaches the bar, not caring to feel shame at the fact that he remembered. Noah smiles sweetly when Nick slides it to him without having to ask, pulling a $10 bill from his pocket and handing it over.

“What are the chances of someone giving me a ride home tonight?” Noah asks, and he’s so shy that Nick finds himself wanting to do anything he asks. He reminds himself that he can’t. He needs to move past it.

“Uber?” Nick says with a laugh, and Noah shakes his head, face souring in a way that could almost make Nick feel guilty. He won’t ask why. “Well, how did you get here?”

“I drove,” Noah says, making Nick raise his eyebrows. Noah isn’t drunk, and hasn’t been up to the bar tonight before now. “They booted my car,” Noah continues, visibly cringing. Nick feels a little soft for him. “I have a lot of unpaid parking tickets.”

He’s glad Folio fucked off to who knows where because he’s not around to hear this, tease Nick for going soft. 

“All right, pretty boy, give me an hour and I’ll give you a lift.”

[tgmsunmontue]

Online & Anonymous 3/16

Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.

Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV

>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)

>>Jake chatting (italics)

2005/2006 2007

2008 – Jake

                Flight school.

                Four years at USNA and now he’s back in Texas, the familiarity seeping into him like a homecoming and part of him cannot believe he made it into flight school. Not that he’ll let anyone else think he had any doubt, but he is inwardly fist pumping, outwardly trying to pretend it’s no big deal. He doesn’t care if it comes off smug, he does feel a little smug, that he obviously good enough to have been selected. Damn it feels good. And also such a relief.

                He’s good enough.

                He wants to share it with Nick. Doesn’t of course. While he trusts Nick with pretty much every little piece of vulnerability when it’s related to his sexuality and experience in that arena, his career is shaping up to be another huge part of his identity and he doesn’t need help or guidance from a guy on a website on how to best work on this aspect of his life. He feels like he’s got this one. After a few months though he decides to share, in a vague way, because he’s been getting comments from his instructors.

                Approval.

                He’s doing well.

>>You ever accomplish something that people didn’t think you could do?

>>That even you maybe didn’t think you could do?

>>HA.

>>Yes.

>>Feels fucking amazing to prove them wrong.

                Jake grins at the screen, wants to tell him about how amazing it is, being in the air. How much he loves it, the rush of the pressure pushing him back into the seat as he takes off. The

>>I got into my first choice of programme. So yeah.

>>Does feel pretty good.

>>Well done. Proud of you.

>>Thanks.

>>Think you maybe need to believe in yourself more.

>>Maybe.

>>My parents didn’t.

>>Don’t.

                He hasn’t talked about his parents with Nick. Talking about your parents generally doesn’t come up when your jerking off with another guy online, but they talk about a lot of different stuff now and it fits with this right now. He feels like Nick might get it.

>>I came out to them and they kicked me out.

>>Oh shit. I’m sorry.

>>I mean, it’s not a competition but my parents are dead so I can understand that feeling of loss I guess? Like they should be around to support me, but they aren’t.

>>Sucks more for you I think. They’re alive and are just bigots.

>>I was lucky to already have a place to go.

>>I’m extra proud of you.

                Pensacola is a different beast than boat school, everyone seems to be a little smug that they made the cut to be there, and Jake lets himself absorb the culture. He tries sleeping with a woman only to find that he can apparently have worse sexual experiences than his first time with a man, and of course he finds himself messaging Nick.

>>Bad sex with a man is still preferable than bad sex with a woman.

>>You give in to peer pressure and hook up huh?

>>How did you know?

>>Been there, done that. Got the tshirt.

>>As a gay man I have to tell you that even bad sex with a man rates above mediocre sex with a woman.

>>Why do people care so much where you want to stick your dick?

>>I like that rhyme. And I have no fucking clue. Mystery. It’s not like gay people haven’t always existed.

>>I’ve got a friend, female friend, who knows I’m gay, and she let’s me use her as a beard sometimes. Everyone thinks we have an on-again off-again fuck-buddies type thing going on.

>>So you’re still not out to people.

>>Nope. Would make work impossible so I just –

>>Hide in plain sight.

>>Huh. I wonder if I could get one of my friends to cover for me.

>>A lot less women in the military. Good luck I guess?

>>Well. I think one of my friends might just lie for me. Tell others that he saw me leaving with a hot chick or something. He’s the best wingman.

                He stares at the message, wishes he could call it back.

                Delete it.

                It’s too close to home.

                Wingman.

>>Definitely need a good wingman if you’re planning on cruising. You got bigger balls then me if you’re going to try and do it while you’re not on leave.

>>Are you sure that’s safe?

>>It’s not like they’re following me and putting cameras in rooms. I just need to be careful. Although so not worth it most of the time. But it would be kind of nice to have the option if it did present itself.

>>Yeah, I’m sure guys are just falling into your lap in the military.

>>I mean, they might be and I’m just not picking up the signs. They’re probably so repressed they wouldn’t be any good anyway.

>>I’ll leave that for you to find out.

>>Not sure if I should be wishing you luck or telling you to be careful.

                Jake isn’t sure either. He probably not going to risk it.

…            …            …

                It’s not always possible for them to have instant communication. He gets interrupted sometimes, or Nick isn’t available for days at a time, sometimes weeks, and his own schedule is erratic. However he’s always had time, made time, to chat with him since they found each other and he doesn’t have so many close friends that he can afford to ignore one.

                “What are you always doing on your laptop?” Javy asks and Jake feels like time freezes around him for a split second. Javy is one of the few people he’d count as a friend, his easy-going nature dealing with Jake’s prickliness effortlessly, seemingly patient and just waiting for Jake to come around. They were at USNA together and it wasn’t until they shared all their third- and second-class summers together that Jake had thought that maybe they could be friends.

                “Talking with a friend. He travels a lot.”

                He feels like it’s not actually a stretch of the truth, because he’s figured out that Nick moves around, the times he can talk inconsistent, meaning different times zones. He’s always assumed that Nick is American, but now he knows that the website they’re using to chat is actually based in England, and for all he knows Nick could be anywhere in the world.

>>Are you American?

>>Will you stop talking to me if I say no?

>>Of course not.

>>I’m shaking my head at you. You’re meant to be all patriotic being a member of our military. Shouldn’t be communicating with the enemy.

>>You just called it our military. Pretty sure you’re American.

>>Caught out. Yeah. I travelled around a lot as a kid. Tennessee, California, Virginia, Maryland and even Texas. Who knows, we could have walked past each other and never even known.

>>Yeah. We could have. That would be a weird coincidence.

                “You know, if you ever want to tell me something, I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.”

                Jake’s head snaps up so fast he’s surprised there isn’t an accompanying sound.

                “What?”

                “Just. Uh. I know if there was something, you can’t tell me. But if you did, and I’m not asking you to, but if you did, I wouldn’t be letting anyone else know. No telling on my part, that is.”

                He blinks.

                Holy shit.

                That’s pretty much Javy saying he knows, or at least suspects, that Jake is… something other than straight.

                “Just, once second. Just let me say bye…”

>>I think I’m about to come out to a guy who is my best friend in real life, because you’re my best friend in not-real life, plus we have sex and I do not want to ever have sex with J, but uh… I think I might be sick.

>>I’ll talk to you soon.

                His conversation with Javy goes around in circles for a little bit, Javy not willing to ask outright, and Jake unprepared to speak the truth; terrified to voice it. Then Javy gets fed up, places his hands on Jake’s shoulders and just stares at him, expression serious.

                “Jake. You’re the closest thing I have to a brother. There is nothing, nothing,” he stresses, “that would make me stop loving you as my brother and best friend. So, if in some hypothetical world you felt brave enough to tell me that you were… gay, then it wouldn’t change anything for me. I just. I got your back no matter what okay?”

                Jake can’t form words, grabs Javy into a tight hug, he’s biting his lip so hard it hurts, might even be drawing blood and he nods.

                “Thank you.”

                “Any time man. You want to go shoot some pool?”

                Jake lets out a shaky breath and nods again.

                They spend several hours together, in which Javy seems to want to really impress upon Jake that nothing is going to change between them. He still uses his body to shove Jake out of the way when he shows Javy up at pool, still slaps his ass in a vain attempt to distract him while playing darts, grabs them beers and doesn’t pull his fingers away when they accidentally brush like Jake is somehow going to take that as a sign of something more. He can have friends that know and they won’t hate him.

                It’s a revelation.

…            …            …

>>How did it go?

>>I’m kind of worried about you.

>>Hope you haven’t done anything stupid.

>>Or been beaten up.

>>Dishonorable discharge.

>>Fuck Jas, please tell me you’re okay.

                Jake stares at the flood of messages and feels touched, but also a little hysterical, because none of those worse case scenarios are going to happen. He trusts Javy with his life, he can definitely trust him with knowing.

>>I’m okay. Sorry.

>>It was fine. He had pretty much guessed and we talked about it. He’s the best.

>>After you.

>>Glad to know I haven’t been replaced.

>>I appreciated you for the orgasms.

>>Oh. Okay. Putting me back in my place.

>>Prefer you to put me in my place.

>>Really now? You in the mood huh?

>>Yeah.

>>Fuck. This is awful timing. I’ve got to leave in like five minutes.

>>Can’t take care of you like I want to.

>>That’s okay. You can go out and do what you need to do, and while you’re out you can think about me, jerking off as I type out what I want to do to you.

>>Unfair.

>>Hot though.

>>Shit. I’ve really got to go. I look forward to reading whatever you leave me.

                Jake grins, a little nervous. He’s gotten better at this, anything he does regularly for a few years becomes better, but he doesn’t know if it’s good. Not without Nick offering his constant feedback. He always finds what they talk about together the best, but Nick has left him plenty of messages that are just descriptions of what he wants and likes that Jake wants to return the favor.

>>I want to go down on you, suck you off until you come. I want to kneel in front of you and take my time, learn the taste and smell of you. The texture of your skin under my tongue and fingers.

>>I want to do it while I’m in my uniform, because that feels taboo you know? Want you to rub the head of your dick over my lips.

>>Want you naked so I can touch everywhere.

>>I start off slow, a little cautious because I want you to fuck my face, but we’re going to need to build up to that, stretch out my mouth and throat a little, let me gets used to the feel of you in my mouth and throat.

>>I really want to do this. I’m hard just thinking about it. Like the idea of your hand on my head, just guiding me, think I’d enjoy fingernails scraping my head.

>>I want to do this with a guy with no condom, I want to taste the skin and salt. I want that trust as well.

>>I’d trust you.

2009

[thewayuarent]

Perfect victim Sand

(Except he’s not)

Sand is a quite interesting case to study. There are a lot of things to love about him and trust me I do. But. He is the closest thing we have in this show to the perfect victim idea. I mean, even Force jokes about it (god I love this man).

The thing is, I have a strong feeling that huge part of the fandom literally adopted him. Like you know, compensating him absent mommy and daddy. His mother is great woman, she’s loving and caring, but she is far from an actual parental figure - @emotionallychargedtowel made a great analysis on that topic and how it clearly influenced Sand.

Maybe that’s something about Sand being genuinely loving and caring character himself. Maybe it’s because we spend 5 episodes with him being absolutely adequate and not minding others business and by the moment of episode 6 the idea of Sand was already formed. Maybe it’s about Ray pulling Sand through a lot of shit. Maybe it’s something about First’s babygirl vibes, amazing microexpressions and his big boba eyes that easily penetrates the soul. Maybe it’s all the above and more.

But Sand gets the most I’ll protect him by all cost vibes (I get it, I want to protect him too, he’s my sad stupid baby, how can I not). And while it’s understandable to some degree, it doesn’t mean Sand is a victim in every situation he himself, series or fandom try to apply on him.

And yes, it’s specifically about Sand and Top beef. While we don’t know the full story yet, we know the basis: Sand had a lover, this lover cheated on him with Top. Right? Except that in Sand’s mind this story looks a bit different.

Not once, but twice Sand claims that Top “stole his lover”. And I’m sorry to bring it to you, my precious sad baby with big beautiful eyes, but your lover is a human being. They’re not a car, or watch, or a cow. They are a person. And as a person they make decisions.

Unless we’ll find out that Top literally put a bag on their head and dragged them away into his basement, Top didn’t stole anyone. This person cheated on you. It sucks, I get it (Mew probably gets it even better than me). It hurts a lot. It’s absolutely not Sand’s fault. But it’s not Top’s fault either.

Yes, hitting on someone’s lover is a douche move (if Top knew about Sand and didn’t care and I wouldn’t surprised but we don’t know for sure). Yes, Top is an arrogant jerk who behaves like a toxic bitch with anyone except for Mew. Yes, in that hospital scene I kind of wanted to punch him in his hot smug face.

But Sand’s lover cheating is not his responsibility.

And Sand’s choice of actions is stealing and spreading fucking revenge porn. Where is not only Top he hates so much but also Boston who did to Sand what? Made an ugly scene on his birthday and ruined his whatever it was with Ray? Bitchy behavior 100%, but not on, you know, illegally recorded sex tape level.

He regrets it later, but two people he apologized to - rightfully so - are Ray and Nick. Not, you know, Boston for example.

I mean, how the thing Sand did with Top is different from the thing Mew did with Boston? In details - yes. In motivation and general action - the same shit.

And I know that the majority of saving Sand agenda is directed towards his relationship with Ray. I get it. I feel it (I have a very complicated mix of very complex feelings about that one but I digress). But I do feel that Sand isn’t criticized enough for his actions towards Top (and Boston).

Compare it with the amount of criticism towards:

1. Nick recording and using TopBoston footage;

2. Boston recording and using RayMew footage;

3. Mew stealing and using Boston footage;

The only person I doubt here to criticize hard is Ray cause while he got and resend this fucking sex tape and I do think it was wrong I kind of understand his situation. I mean he did receive it passively not actively and I doubt Mew believed him without proof. It still sucks from his side to use it and I don’t forgetting him but he was kind of a tool not a participant so yeah.

All of them are clearly wrong and deserve discussion about their behavior and all the critique they get. But so as Sand. The thing is, Sand is not a victim of Top.

Top is a victim of Sand.

And it’s absolutely not about Top being good or bad or Sand being good or bad it’s really about humans being complex and depending on that specific situation. It’s always about complexity and context.

Sand is, if generalizing, a good person. But he also selfish by some degree and categorical and has some deep trauma over his ex lover. And he does fucked up stuff.

That’s why I found Sand’s attitude towards Mew especially interesting. With MewTop situation he probably didn’t really care but at some level had a sense of justice. In his eyes, Mew is as victim of Top as he was. So Mew deserves to know the truth.

But with MewRay? And that’s where the fun (and also clear speculations) begins. Sand doesn’t have a beef towards Mew about Ray loving him and prioritizing him over Sand, at least for now. Maybe because he learned something through his last relationship, but with his behavior towards Top I doubt it. It’s probably partially because Ray is technically not his lover or boyfriend or monogamous partner - he doesn’t owe Sand anything and while he’s angry and sad he understands that.

But it may also be about the Mew technically being there first. You know, how Sand was with his lover until Top appeared. Ray loved Mew way before he even knew Sand exists. It’s actually Sand in this analogy who takes Ray away from Mew (not that he knew about it or Mew cared but you get my point). So Sand doesn’t blame Mew for being with Ray. He probably - understandably so - blames Ray for playing with his feelings and also blames himself for falling into it.

And now here is a part when I just speculate about cool plot line we’d probably never get so feel free to stop reading now. Like for real. So Sand is fine with Mew and, honestly, good for him. My question is: if Sand will buy this RayMew relationship thing. And then Ray gets back to him. Will he resist temptation?

We have a small chance that Sand will get some self respect and won’t take Ray back immediately, of course. But in a case of Mew. If Sand is stupid enough to believe there is something happening between Ray and Mew from Mew’s side, will he stay away cause of respect towards Mew and their relationship? Or will he “play Top card” and - how was it? - steal Ray to himself?

Cause oh my lord he wants Ray for himself. He can agree with Nick and his “I don’t want be his first and only it’s enough to be with him” as much as he wants but we all know that even Nick doesn’t really think so. Sand probably also doesn’t want to deal with Ray at all by that point but totally opposite desires can coexist.

It would be really interesting to watch his internal conflict about being better person but still losing to his desire plays out but I really doubt Mew and Ray will last long enough to us see it.

[arainmorn-art]

Lots and lots and lots of thoughts. Also have some earlier sketches of Pheen, exactly from the period when I’ve decided to make his stupid face features even sharper. You know, English is not my native language, it’s actually Russian. But for some reason, even though I’m not at all fluent in English, it’s easier for me to talk about some weird stuff in it.  Of course Deciphering is a big project, I’m working on it for 9 month since I’ve started it, as I made myself not to draw the comic before I’d be fully confident in my script, which led to rewriting it 4 times. And even now it’s the 5th version as before there were no magical adventure in Edgey’s mind, no swords and flowers, the way to know how he feels inside, as outside he is quite reserved.

And it’s also a therapeutic journey for me. Yeah, duh, who am I trying to surprise with it? Anything we create is a projection of our own self. And through Phoenix, whom I love very much in canon games, I also deal with my own stuff.

For some reasons I relate to this character a lot. He seems to me like a person, who sincerely doesn’t see a big value in himself. He is not just being humble, nothing besides his job of saving people is a big deal.  

And he thinks he is not worthy of being loved.

Yes, his friends like him, his daughter loves him, but those are other forms of love. Being caring and likable is not a big deal, bringing home a lost child and rearing her is what any decent person and parent must do. Being selfless is a norm.

And looking at Edgeworth, a brilliant famous professional, a gorgeous smart man and a dear friend, Nick might believe a very sad thing: “I am not worthy”. Of course, through the rose-tinted glasses of being in love there are tendencies to feel blue and self-conscious of yourself, but it’s not the case. It’s about feeling weak and broken. It’s about looking at yourself and thinking: “No way a person I deeply value will think highly of the wreck like me”, as it’s also about being very, very harsh with yourself. It’s about believing that unless you are a harmonious strong-willed collected person with everything put together you do not deserve being loved.

But the thing is through the story I wrote about him, Nick is constantly fighting this numbing blob of insecurities, sitting like a nasty tumor inside his mind. He wants to try, he wants to check, what if, what if he is the only one who stops himself of being romantically loved. What if he actually has something to be loved. Both of them will have their character arcs through the comic, but Miles’s core struggle is the center of the story and will be fully described closer to the end, while Nick is in the outer circle constantly and expressively getting and loosing hope.

I don’t understand my feelings. I’m so confused and conflicted. It’s the first time I am actually insecure about my protagonist’s appearance. I like the way I’m drawing him. I can see him in my head like that, tired, sleepless, sharp yet with the kindest smile, with big nose, messy hair, small sparkly blue eyes, nervous, emotional and deeply caring, being through so much yet thinking about himself so little – a person I really like. And at the same time my own mind make strange things to me: I’m looking at him and can’t believe he can be liked and loved by readers. I wrote him feeling about himself as “somewhere not enough, somewhere too much”, but I also look at my own drawing and think about exactly the same, “not enough and too much”. And even think a fictional Edgeworth might not love him back, what is there to love? Not enough courage, too much emotional turmoil. Not strong enough core, too much self-doubt. Not pretty enough, he is so far from his original anime look, just look at this face, it’s the face only mother will love. Not stoic enough. Not manly enough. Not assertive enough. Not collected enough. Not mature enough. Not enough. So strongly not enough…

And I must remind myself – that’s the point. I freakin’ made this point several month ago in the script, why am I so distressed writing about it now?

Edgeworth actually loves him for what he is. Nick is worthy. And he doesn’t have only several single traits to be loved. He can be loved as he is. Just like that. For being cheerful and bringing smiles. For being caring and emotional. Being funny looking and clumsy. Being a soft gentle selfless loser, helping people, nurturing the best in them. It has a value. It has a big value for people who care about us.

I like the thought that I wrote Nick as a very nervous lesbian trying to win a girl’s heart while fighting her own deeply low self-esteem x)

Too relatable. Too much projection x)

But looks like I really need it. I need this comic to be completed. I need to prove myself I am worthy of being loved.

[toonbly]

thinking about like. taylor dndads and how he fits into s2s theming of like. “teens and having their identities and worldviews thrown into chaos as they realize their parents views aren’t always correct and how they react to that” bc honestly i think taylor Differs from the group in this sense? in that he’s like. the MOST secure in his identity and worldviews out of all of them.

normal has an identity crisis when sparrow reveals he’s not actually proud of his peppy teen mascot personality, now wondering if he should be himself or be what his dad wants him to be. it clearly causes a lot of confusion for normal and even resentment for his dad. he’s spent his whole life thinking he’s been accepted for who he is only to find out he never was, and it makes him wonder “Who am I supposed to be?” instead of “Who do I want to be?”

scary struggles with the duality of herself, she doesn’t believe she can be the goth-punk seeker of darkness who rebels against her new stepdad AND a peppy soccer player who considers herself and her mother to be a “just us against the world” duo. she doesn’t realize that she can be multifaceted, because i mean she’s a teenager you really don’t comprehend nuance at that age and it makes figuring out your identity confusing and frustrating.

lincoln struggles with his innocent worldview being shattered, desiring to be like his father who he believed to be pure and good up until grant confessed his more violent tendencies to him and BEGGED lincoln to be NOTHING like him, his world has been thrown into chaos and it’s clear such a sheltered kid doesn’t know how to react to this. he’s scared and for the first time he’s dealing with that fear without his dads backing him up.

but taylors like. he’s the most SECURE in knowing who he is, so much so to the point that he doesn’t react much to being told he’s half demon because he’s always believed he’s destined for greatness. like, “oh of COURSE that makes sense, obviously i’m special because that’s what i’m meant to be.” taylor is who he Wants to be and he doesn’t listen to what OTHERS want him to be. a clear example being when nick tells him to abandon his friends for a life of solitude, taylor turns back to save lincoln from the fbi agents because that’s what HE wants to do. it seems to me that a lot of taylor’s decisions are dictated solely by what he wants and what he believes. there’s also his mother, cassandra, who’s clearly supportive of all of taylor’s interests which contributes to taylor’s feeling of security in himself. unlike the other teens, there’s no tangible insecurity there at least not that i’ve noticed. so i think taylor’s arc isn’t about grappling with the shattered pieces of his worldview, but instead it’s about having his worldview knocked down a peg and how that NEEDS to happen.

now i wouldn’t call taylor selfish by any means-- as mentioned before he turned back into danger just to save a friend of his, no doubt about it that taylor is an EXTREMELY loyal kid-- but he obviously has a pretty damn big ego. he sees everything like it’s an anime that he’s the main character of, and honestly you could argue cassandra spoils taylor rotten. his worldview is very skewed by his upbringing-- he thinks he’s the main character, that he’s special, he doesn’t understand what “jobs” really are and believes there’s a GRAND MAGICAL DESTINY out there for him.

 but he’s not the main character, he’s part of a team. there is no magical destiny, just a series of fuck ups and trauma passed down from generation to generation. i don’t think taylor’s arc is grappling with insecurity, it’s grappling with reality. maybe one day it’s gonna hit him that he’s NOT special, he’s just like the rest of the kids he’s adventuring with. he’s not the main character, these people aren’t his sidekicks, they’re his team and he’s not even the leader of that team. he’s a member of it, just like everyone else.

i think the way that taylor fits into the themeing of this story isn’t that his worldview and identity is questioned from the Start, but rather his arc is the process of that worldview and identity slowly being picked apart until he crashes back down to earth and the reality of everything finally becomes clear to him. and i dunno i just think it’s SUPER interesting how he kinda stands out like that, as ironic as it is.

[justalittleobsessedhere]

Heartstopper, A Subversive Love Story

I keep coming back to Heartstopper, and I’ve consumed a lot of media in my life. My first watch was a “let me see what this is by watching just one episode at 10pm” pick. Then it was 2am and I had binged the whole thing. Two days later, I had binged it two more times, had gotten two other people to binge as well, and gorged on the graphic novels multiple times.

What was it that kept me (still) transfixed? It was a subversive love story. It was subversive because it was a love story that focused on the LOVE and the STORY.

Not your typical set-up

Television and film rely on tropes to move the story along. This isn’t inherently bad, especially for movies. You have a limited time to tell a story and get the good part. You can use on tropes as shortcuts to skip past the unimportant bits to get to the part of the story the screenwriter is there to tell. (As a quick example, think about a set of siblings with an alcoholic parent— a knowing look and a hug between them show you they are close because of this trauma. We don’t need to see the whole backstory to understand this if this isn’t the story we’re here to see. Now you can get to the actual plot of the story.)

For the love story, though, the tropes are so played out, they’ve become almost toxic. If we were expecting a typical love story out of heartstopper, we might have expected some of the following things to happen.

At the start of this show, Charlie is meeting for a secret tryst with an attractive boy who doesn’t want to actually talk to him, ignores him in public, and is downright toxic. In (almost) all the other shows, this is the set-up. The point of the show is for Charlie to win over the bad boy, make him realize his bad ways, have the bad boy make a public act of contrition, and they would kiss at the end. Charlie would have changed him.

Nope. And this is where we start to shift the narrative. Charlie breaks it off with him in the first half of the first episode, and he never goes back.

When you’re introduced to Nick, he is the stereotypical athletic straight guy. He becomes friends with Charlie. Again, the norm would have been Charlie falling for him and a long drawn out journey of Nick avoiding, denying, even being angry about his feelings for Charlie in return.

Nope. Instead we get someone who recognizes his feelings and takes time to understand them fully. He never once equivocates on his attraction to Charlie.

These stories are typically rife with near misses, misunderstandings, and mistrust. So much of the show depends on keeping the two love interests apart that it’s more of an origin story than love story. In this vein, you’d expect most of the show to have been about Nick ending up in compromising situations that he wouldn’t be aware that Charlie had even witnessed. Charlie would constantly doubt if Nick is even interested in him.

Nope. Nick spends the entire season expressing to Charlie that he likes him. The almost-drama clears up when Nick is honest about how he ended up agreeing to a date with Imogen and actually cancels the date. The incident brings them closer.

Even the their first kiss. Most of these stories end with a first kiss right before the final credits roll. The journey of the narrative was the will-they-won’t-they or maybe how-will-they. The audience rarely gets more than a glance at what it looks like how the two actually work in a relationship.

Nope. They kiss in episode three of eight! Not even halfway through the whole season. You actually see how Nick and Charlie work as a couple as Charlie provides positive emotional support to Nick as he goes through his journey.

But without all this drama how do you keep it interesting?

When we turn all of these typical tropes on their head, you would expect to lose the drama that keeps a person watching episode after episode, and yet… People keep watching (over and over and over). You can write a love story that focuses on the story of how two people go from attraction to love rather than from attraction to deciding to be together. We tend to believe love is simple, but Heartstopper recognizes that it’s complicated. That complication is enough drama to draw in an audience.

Nick is still on a personal journey, and that is compelling. Charlie is also on a journey to learn that he is worthy of love. For those of us who didn’t know the ending, we kept waiting for these love story tropes to come to fruition, anxiety building and building toward the inevitable breakdown that will serve as the climax of the season. And when it didn’t happen we felt … relief.

It turned out that we watched a story about two good people who treated each other well, got together early, and then got to explore the joy of falling in love. It was so enjoyable that we had to turn around and watch it again so we could enjoy it without the anxiety and bask in the glow that is the growing, healthy relationship between Nick and Charlie.

One more thing

The final thing about this subversion is shifting expectations of the younger generation of what they expect and deserve in a relationship. When someone treats you poorly, it’s not your job to accept the bad behavior or change the other person. If you like someone, it’s not too much to ask that they be able to tell you they like you, too. Passion is not the same thing as drama. After the rush of emotions that draw you together, it’s not a magical relationship that sustains without work and engagement from both partners. You’re allowed to expect all this and more even from your very first relationship.

It’s ok to want and expect warm happiness that engulfs you like a bear hug - in both a relationship and a tv show.

[kozpine]

stitches - pt 1

pairings- diluc x hurt reader

words- 1k

song suggestion- cardigan (dolby atmos stems)- taylor swift

1 / 2

themes: sfw, angst/comfort, diluc tends to a wounded reader, mentions of blood

A sharp wince escaped your lips as you held onto Diluc’s broad shoulders. He held your hip stable as the other hand weaved a needle through your bloodied abdomen.

You’d just returned from a particularly difficult and long mission, stationed far from the main of Mondstadt. It only took a couple dozen warriors to make you retreat to the safety of the knights. You were brought to the manor Diluc had been pacing in your absence, prompting him to rush out and carry you inside as soon as he noticed you.

Normally Diluc wouldn’t worry about you going on long commissions, but this time was different. You’d been missing for over a week with no correspondence so when you finally returned in the knights’ carriage- although covered in deep gashes and bruises- all he felt was relief.

The pricking began to burn as he sutured quickly, and you had to bite down on a nearby blanket to keep from wailing. The last thing you’d want is a bunch of people circling around you in this state.

“Go slower, ’Luc” you groaned.

“I’m sorry my love, but we need to get these wounds closed” the redhead murmured, gently and quickly sewing up yet another slice in the dim candlelight. Every movement sent a sharp jolt throughout your body, and somehow the treatment was worse than the actual battle.

“You should have come home as soon as they laid a single nick on you.” He looked up at you with worried eyes outlined by a harsh face. You rolled your eyes. “I thought I could handle it. It was only until more of them came and I lost my balance that-”

He cut you off. “It doesn’t matter. You could have died- gods any other person would have with these wounds. And there wasn’t any way to send anyone a sign?! Do you understand how frantic all of us were trying to locate you? If you hadn’t been found, I don’t know what I would have done…” he trailed off, and you could sense the pain in his voice.

Looking away, you couldn’t meet his gaze. It had been stupid to stay, you knew that. But you also knew his words came from a place of love and concern- it wasn’t uncommon for you to devote yourself too much to a job.

He sighed and placed the sharp needle down in the metal pan beside the bed you both rested on, grabbing the towel from the various medical tools. Due to his nighttime vigilantism, he was experienced in remedying wounds but wished he would never have to use it on you.

His hands returned to you, this time slowly caressing your soon to be scarred body with a warm, damp cloth. You’d been trying to prevent yourself from looking too closely this whole time, but couldn’t miss how quickly the towel was saturated with your blood.

Your quickening breath didn’t go unnoticed by your lover, who paused to lift your chin to reach your collarbones. “Looking will only make it worse.” You bit your lip and pushed the back of your head deep into a pillow.

This care continued for some time, taking pauses while applying a round of some sterile liquid to wipe your tears. Diluc sat you up, carefully wrapping your body in bandages as you leaned against him. After, the sheets were promptly changed, stained red as a servant carried them out.

He aided you in getting under your shared covers and sat, kissing your forehead. His lips lingered and his low words whispered against you, “please, don’t ever scare me like that ever again.”

“I promise.”

It was an obvious lie. You’d no doubt continue this just as he did with his ‘Darknight Hero’ role. It was puzzling to you how concerned he was with the lives of those around him but unphased by the importance of his own. It made it hard to discuss things like your devotion to your own job without him shutting you down.

As he pulled away to look at you, his hand gently pushed hair out of your face, lidded eyes pleading with your own. He wasn’t trying to be controlling, just simply didn’t want to lose anyone else the way he had before. You’d grown to be so important to him; what would he be if you were gone?

You pulled him back, his soft lips meeting your own. You clung to him, trying to confirm the promise to your lover. His body cautiously adjusted, and you felt him shift away, shaking his head. “Not tonight love, not when you can barely lift yourself to kiss me.”

You huffed in annoyance. “I’ll be fine soon enough.” He smiled and stroked your arm. “I’m counting on it.”

The night ended with his arms around you. This was his proposed compromise (much to your disappointment).

A cool breeze and soft crackling of the fireplace lulled you to sleep, still holding him tight with any remaining energy you had reserved.

-

part 2 will be the reverse bc i couldn’t decide which scenario i liked more haha

-lilah

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Only Friends Ep. 9:

1. For this ep, I just want Sand to run as far away as possible from Ray (although based on previous ep's preview, I know that wouldn't happen) 😔

2. I don't know, it's too unrealistic for Top to change that fast. I do think that he is just not used to losing anything, which is why he is trying hard to win Mew back. As for Mew, I guess it is also the first time that he was wrong about someone (although, I pretty much doubt that) especially when he prides himself of "knowing how to accurately read" people (see episodes 1 and 2). I still see these two people trying to prove to themselves that their sense of self is not entirely wrong.

3. I'm beginning to think that Sand is either a hopeless romantic or an effing masochist. Wtf. He already knows Ray is toxic. He KNOWS RAY WILL CONTINUE TO HURT HIM (and himself). If he has any self-respect, he will walk away.

4. <on videoing Ray making out with Sand) There's the Top I know.

5. I still don't know Atom's angle in this scene. I mean from being in a cis relationship then jumping straight to gay s*x. With Boston, of all people. Why? I don't think he is fuelled with plain ole curiosity. He practically seduced Boston (although let's face it, it doesn't take much to get Boston h*rny)

6. I think I can recognise Pisaeng's (BMF) campervan lol. Hurray, for Team Second Option! Get an effing move on, gods dammit. Well, at least Sand is aware he is a masochist lol 😅

7. Yo and Mew. Really, don't start relationships that you actually don't want. The fvck. 😑

8. I love Khaotung, but Ray. Ray is trash. At this point, he is using his pain as excuse to be a manipulative, little sh*t to everyone. Also, I guess Mew's brain has been addled badly with drugs and alcohol to believe that Ray's "the word love makes most sense with you" is anything but a confession of Ray's toxic dependency on him.

9. Frankly, I don't think these kids should have romantic relationships. Especially Ray. Ray should just stop dragging everyone to his personal hell.

10. Atom is acting like a possessive bf. AFTER AN EXPERIMENTAL ONE-NIGHT STAND. I can't believe I am siding with Boston in this argument 😂😂😂😂 but fvck, here we are.

11. Maybe Sand and Nick could try it as a couple. I mean, they are both decent people. Maybe they can work it out. 😅 <after 5 seconds> ooof, Nick read my mind lol. Too bad, the kiss started nothing 😅😅😅😅

12. I just want the mums to smack some sense into Mew. Maybe, it would also get rid some of his self-righteousness and feelings of moral superiority 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️����‍♀️

13. No, Nick. You left Sand to be fed to a smug, manipulative wolf.

14. Can I push Ray in to that lake? Right now, I have a strong urge to drown Ray and leave his dead body in that mountain top. I mean, Ray is making Top looked good IN MY EYES. Pretty sure the mums prefer Top at this point too. The fvck.

15. Is it just me, or Dan just feels creepy? This show is triggering all my paranoid senses lol 😅😅😅 Also, Nick is not known for his good judgement, he lets his hormones lead the way.

16. Oh, Nick. You poor, crazy sod. Why are you still following Boston??? Your need for closure is driving me nuts. 😑

17. Waiiit. Is Boston actually regretful? Really? Boston? Or is the sight of Nick smiling with somebody else triggering him too?

18. Is this a premonition? Will Ray die at the end of this series? 🤔🤔🤔 I mean, Ray is perpertually high, drunk, and destructive. Pretty sure he is heading to an early death at this rate.

19. Ah, Sand. You really should stop sticking your d*ck in crazy.

20. Ray, Mew looks okay even though you technically cheated on him. Should be your cue to understanding that only you thought you were boyfriends. Mew just needed a rebound.

21. Ngl, I was expecting Mixx in that elevator, not Mond! What is he doing here anyway? Is he another one of Top's exes???

We are almost at the finish line and I'm undecided who needs a sharp smack in the head the most lol. I guess, with Mew and Ray 'breaking up', there's a chance that Sand will not be a sad boy anymore. Although, I still have a strong urge to m*rder Ray after all was said and done.

I still don't know what Atom's deal is. It just seems so sudden that he is in "love" with Boston. Looks like Boston will do some self-reflection but why is Nick still there? I guess, the man just loves the hurt. Also, looks like Mond will play the ex, Boeing. I always thought it was gonna be Mixx.

Well, one thing's for sure — the show is about to get messier. I think Im'ma need to go to church now 😂😂😂😂

[heretherebedork]

I feel like I am going to get so much heartache from Only Friends. Like Nick is literally going to face his heartbreak soon (unless he gets smarter in the 'nick' of time) but also if Ray in his all-consuming loneliness falls in love with Sand, who doesn't reciprocate it back, it's gonna break my heart! All I want is for Nick to understand before he gets in too deep what a red flag Boston is and Ray needs to, just, I dunno..... perhaps love himself more and not trip on his toes for Sand! My poor, poor boys!!

This show is not about happy endings or a smooth ride. It's about real, messy, hurt, damaged boys who cope with everything wrong with them in mostly the wrong ways, honestly.

Ray is definitely my boy, my meow meow, the one who is going to hurt and be hurt and ache and be lonely and be clingy and be desperate and throw tantrums and hurt people and hurt himself and scream and cry. He is a stray cat that uses his claws and his purr interchangeably because he doesn't understand why anyone would care. He sees money as his only value and uses it freely because he has nothing else and that leaves him even smaller. Money and sex and alcohol and that's al he's got, all he can rely on, all he thinks he's worth. So he acts out and he laughs and he gets drunk and he leaves his friends and he runs hoping someone, anyone will chase him but no one ever does. He already hurts me and the show is only going to keep hurting me with him.

Because his relationship with Sand is going to be painful. No matter how falls for who, they can't possibly find equal ground currently. Because Ray is in love with Mew (and he isn't going to give that up easily) but also because whatever Sand sees in Ray he knows what he sees in him and what he sees is a disaster. He sees a flaming trash can of a young man who might have positive spots and who might need him but is going to bring him nothing but pain and he is trying to play with that fire carefully but playing with fire can get you burnt no matter how careful you are. Especially if you're eating fire (insert blowjob joke here).

Nick and Boston are... yeah, that's gonna be a ride. Because Boston is a walking pile of red flags with a little red flag dick pointing out of it and Nick seems to have no idea what he's looking at or getting himself into. Of everyone, Nick is the one I'm most worried heartbreak wise and Boston is the one I'm most worried in terms of 'fucking everyone over entirely because he felt like it'.

While I hope Nick will figure out what's going on with Boston before he shatters... I doubt he will. I think Nick is gonna fall hard and fall deep and Sand is gonna have to try to put him back together and that's gonna create more problems because Sand is definitely going to care more about Nick than anyone else no matter where his relationship with Ray is at that point and that's just... there are so many moving parts in this show and it's gonna be wild to see them crash into each other.

My hardest part with this show is knowing that we are unlikely to get any happy endings for anyone and making sure to temper myself on expectations in that. But also not getting my hopes too high for certain aspects I want (manipulative AF Mew, Top lying to Mew and trying to use him, Ray fighting falling for Sand because loving Mew is familiar and safe, Sand struggling with his feelings towards Ray because he knows what he's getting into with him, Nick managing to destroy Boston despite his own broken heart, Boston just... you know what, I think Boston will actually fulfill all my wishes for him.)

[the-other-art-blog]

I’m going to rant. I’m going to rant so much because Secret Invasion was so awful.

I really was hoping this would be a grounded, Winter-Soldier-style show. I mean, they keep getting these A-list actors to do this! They got Olivia Coleman! After she got an Oscar! I understand if five years ago, every actor in Hollywood wanted in, but now? Honestly, if I were one of them, I would get as far away as possible. This is a sinking ship. Especially because the MCU gives almost no information about the characters before hiring them. But what ends up happenning is that once they’re committed, they realize the shitty script they have to do. Isn’t one of SAG-AFTRA proposals is to let actors have information about a role/project at the time of audition? And it was rejected?

I saw an interview from the actor who plays Gravik and I was very upset because he was very apathetic. But after seeing what he had to work with, I get him. Again, he probably had no idea of the script but trust Marvel and he shouldn’t have. His evil monologue at the end! 😖 And it’s so frustrating because in the Barbie movie, he’s lovely! He could have been a very charismatic villain with a good script and director.

Olivia did a great job. But I doubt we’re going to see her again. She said she wanted to be in the MCU no matter what, but she deserved a better project.

Unfortunately, Giah has no personality. Even in the show, who cared about her? Talos loved her of course, but she turned against him for an organization who didn’t give a shit about her. She had no authority there. When she got killed, who cared? And she’s a terrtorist. She didn’t stop the explosions, which no one ever mentioned again, btw. Let’s pray, the low ratings make Marvel forget about her. Don’t tell me Emilia Clarke didn’t think this was worse that s8 of GOT? At least that one had 7 good seasons before that. This was bad from start to end.

AND, she stole those superpowers. Didn’t we have a whole Agent Carter season about Howard Stark keeping Steve’s blood and how inmoral that was? And now Nick Fury did the same to everyone!!! What the hell was his plan? Clone them? Are the avengers ever gonna learn about this? What about the Black Panther. It was on the list. But those powers are attached to Wakanda. Like, what did we have Wakanda Forever for? T’Challa and Shuri had to go through a whole ritual, they went to see their ancestors!!! The powers are not the most important part of the character. There can be ten heroes with superstrength, but it is the backstory and the personality what makes each of them special.

I get a similar feeling from the revelation that Rhodey has been a Skrull since Civil War. Because now, all those heartfell moments mean absolutely nothing. 

Does Feige honestly believe that people are going to be happy with the show just because of that final fight scene? I really think so. At this point, Marvel thinks that of they make a CGI fight with lots of superpowers, everyone will love a show/movie, even if they promised something else. Talk about being in denial.

I don’t even think Maria was fridged because no one cared. Her death meant nothing to the overall plot and to the characters.

Fury being married was an interesting idea (actually I think this is the kind of attention that Clint and Laura should have had in Hawkeye), but it’s not enough to save the show. And, I want to believe Clint knew about them. But the MCU doesn’t keep relationships anymore. And then I remember that Fury turned out to be a horrible person whose morals are all fucked up. He uses people, literally takes their blood for his own plans, abandons his wife, doesn’t keep his word, leaves his friend’s corpse behind, and now he’s not even a good spy.

Also, how are all those people not dying of radiation poisoning? I have no scientific knowledge on this, but they spent years in Chernobyl. Surely they should have cancer in the near future, at least. They showed how dangerous it still is!

And I’m not even going to get too deep into the budget, but someone is definitely doing some serious money laudering there. GOT had only $15 million per episode in the last season and the had dragons and White Walkers. How is a 212 million budget not enough to give a realistic depiction of an attack on the US president! I had no idea that their economy was so bad that the president can’t even afford a proper security team. His gabinet is somewhere? Seeing how the female secretary was treated, I’m not suprised if no one showed up!

[yukidragon]

Hi yuki! You are my favorite sdj writer and I really love your theories and headcanons.

I want to tell you a theory about nick and I want to know what you think.

For some reason youtube recommended a video about the psychology of porn actors and it made me think of nick, he is a male dominator, i think he may have an only fans where he uploads videos of him having sex with other people or playing with sex toys.

I feel that him work may affect him personal relationships, the people don't want to date workers from the porn industry and if they do it's out of interest, I wouldn't be surprised if Nick had a bad time because of it, and if he tries to hide from us what is his job? fearing that we will think badly about him or try to take advantage of him?

I feel that Nick is afraid of being judged for his work and that they only see him as a porn actor and not for who he is, that they only want him to have sex but nobody wants to know the person he really is, reminds me in part of jack, after all they saw him as a pretty face and sexualized him despite being an actor on a children's show, I would not be surprised if the few relationships that joseph and nick could have were only for their appearance and their partners would not be interested in who they really were.

maybe nick just wants a friend or partner who loves him for who he is and doesn't just want to have sex with him.

well that's all, I hope you could understand all my english is not very good ^^'

Awww, thank you so much! That really makes me happy to hear that you enjoy my writing and theories.

Don't worry about your English. You did just fine, and your insight into Nick is really great. You've given me so much to think about.

You know what, I think you might be onto something with this theory. While I did come up with a theory that Nick is a yandere (along with all the other love interests) as well as a stalker, this is a much more likely scenario for where his story is going to go.

A major theme to the game is the entertainment industry and how it affects people. As you pointed out, the interview with Dan showed that celebrities like Jack are treated pretty poorly. There's almost this sense of entitlement people have towards them. Just because they're a public figure, the public can mistakenly believe they're to personal details or even an intimate relationship with that person, or at least to the person they assume them to be.

Nick, being someone who does sex work, even if just remotely online, would no doubt face people who felt entitled to him on a much more personal level without actually knowing him personally. He's the sexy dom, making money doing sexually explicit shows for his fans, holding contests where one lucky fan gets a one-on-one session with him, as we've heard in an audio drama posted on the Snaccpop Studios Patreon.

The person an actor portrays isn't the person they really are, and the feelings/beliefs/etc. they display might not align. Even this sexy dom personality he portrays might not be what he actually wants from a sexual partner. What he might want in his actual sex life is to be a submissive letting a dominant take control. It could just be acting like a dom online simply works for him to make a living.

It's entirely possible that MC catches Nick's eye because they're a cute person who doesn't know about his double life. They don't recognize his online persona, so they'd get to know him as Nick the shy guy in the yogurt shop, not as the sexy dom who streams pornographic content. He would get the chance to be, well, himself with someone, without them getting a mistaken impression about who he really is. That would make the idea of dating that cute cashier very appealing, I'd say.

Nick, or any actor really, will have trouble dating people who know them as their celebrity self first and their personal self later. There would be expectations based off this projected personality that might not live up to the real person on screen. Heck, it might be another reason why Ian is so desperate to get MC back after his affair. MC knew Ian before became an actor and model after all.

Jack seems to be embracing his persona in order to get love and - judging by the worst ending in the yogurt mini-game - he doesn't want to be anything but that character people saw him as. That persona was loved, but the real person behind the persona... well, it might not have been.

Nick could be self-conscious about what someone would think of him as, well, himself. The persona he plays is adored by many, but what about his awkward shy self? Would he be able to find love when he's not putting on an act?

Of course, at this point we don't know for sure how much of Nick's personality is that dom persona and how much is the shy one we saw in the demo. Which is the mask, and which is the real Nick? Are they both just different masks for different situations and the real Nick is someone we haven't even seen yet? For now all we can do is headcanon until the game comes out...

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[howstrangethingshappen]

my thoughts on the script snippet

guys.

the snippet is about how will feels in that moment.

it does not mean that this is how he will feel forever, nor that byler will never happen.

him ripping off the bandaid confirms that he still believes he has lost mike. but i also think he believes this is what he has to do. he believes he can never be happy with mike. he has to help mike conform. has to help him in his relationship so he is happy. because ultimately, mike's own happiness is arguably the most important thing to will. and i think people are also forgetting that mike thought he lost will, too. we have not seen the transcript for that scene yet, but it seems like everyone is freaking out over this one section of the story, when it is only one section of the story. it is not the entire story, nor it is it the be-all and end-all for will and mike.

onto the snippet itself: we all know will is the glue that is holding mike and eleven together. he is forcing mike and eleven together because of his own hatred for himself. because he doesn't believe mike could ever love him back. considering he grew up in a rural, small, town, with not too many other queer people, it makes sense that he would think this, because he himself has never seen a queer couple, let alone another queer couple being happy. there are indicators that there were queer couples at the rink-o-mania, but to be honest, i believe will and mike were was way too focused on each other that day to actually see past each other and understand, hey, other people are queer too, and they can be happy! it is a horrid thing to believe. as a bisexual who has had a crush on a straight friend, i truly understand will's pain.

but with the sheer amount of times that mike has expressed his own doubts about his relationship with el, not to mention that they didn't speak much after his forced confession; it shows me that there is more going on within mike than will realises.

will thinks he has to keep his best friend happy in his relationship with el.

mike thinks he has to be happy in his relationship with el.

their thoughts parallel, but the things we are seeing through other scenes and subtext shows that this is not the actual truth for either of them:

will is in love with mike, and wants nothing more than for mike to love him back.

mike is experiencing comphet and struggling to ascertain his own feelings for will.

both of them are forcing themselves through unhealthy situations because they believe there is no other way. and that just comes down to:

the general miscommunication from the past year (mike calling the byers to talk to will and the line always being busy bc of joyce; will seeing the letters mike sent el and him getting none; thus resulting in both of them thinking they lost the other)

they have not had exposure to happy queer couples, therefore reinforcing the belief that heterosexuality is the only way to be

in the end, this entire situation is simply because they don't know anything else yet, they think they can't be who they are freely, and they aren't able to tell each other the truth yet. it isn't the right time just yet. and it will take something else (exposure to a queer couple, or anything of that nature) to wake them both up and realise the truth within them, not the lies they are telling.

it is not the end, don't be silly!! there is still so much more analysis to come; so much more to add to just that one moment in the van. nick himself said we will be analysing for weeks to come.

i hope this post helped people remember the context and the truth of the situation. again, that one scene is not everything. it is not the be-all and end-all. it is not over.

[petitmimosa]

SO.

Let’s start with what I didn’t enjoy so I can gush about the rest. 

The leading up to them kissing was too fast paced for me. I understand the struggle of having to make their written conversations into actual scenes and how long it would be to have it follow the natural pace I’d imagined but it lasts about 20 minutes and it’s too quick. The fact that they didn’t include the Christmas phone call, even if rearranged to fit the movie plot, was truly a negative for me. It has Alex be that much vulnerable which would have been the perfect door to the NYE buildup. Maybe it had all the funny banter and not the vulnerable/deep details I needed? I can’t fault them too much for that because the format is to judge here. I know amazon only agreed to a movie but UGH a mini series would have been so good. Hulu why on earth did you not jump at the chance?

I don’t miss June so much it turns out, but I missed Luna. I didn’t care much for Miguel even if they tied his character to the plot nicely.

I’m tired of seeing that damn rue de l’abreuvoir in every movie/show that shows Paris. And those tablecloths? Don’t mind me, it’s my parisian ass being a snob. 

Henry’s fashion style OH MY GOD. And it’s not even a cliché because we’ve all seen the royals for years, looking like high strung puppets with ancient jumpers as they’re called.

The King and Philip scene was too quick as well. The whole I'm gonna take this to Parliament in the book was so strong it spoiled any other ending for me.

That’s about it I think. 

First and foremost, and I don’t see how anyone can disagree: the chemistry is ON POINT. It flows seamlessly yet is palpable the whole time. I love how Nick and Taylor played Henry and Alex as people. As men yes, but I have the feeling they’d have played them the same had it been a het love story. And I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy that. You know when an actor is thinking “it’s another man opposite me”. You see it plain as day. Not here. They cared a lot about these characters and this story and it shows and it is beautiful. They have crazy sexy chemistry as well which doesn't hurt. I was either grinning like an idiot or trying not to advert my eyes from the screen because there were moments I felt like I shouldn't be watching. They saw the no chemistry allegations and said not today satan, not today.

They casted Henry and Alex so right. Nick has such a vulnerable and open acting, the doubts, the pain, the heartbreak just jump at you and bring you down with him. The NYE countdown part? Where he sees Alex kissing two women and it's not jealousy over them but over the fact that Alex has a freedom he'll never have? Love.

And Taylor... Taylor is the perfect Alex. The bright, exhuberant, confident man who’ll stop at nothing for those he loves. Perfect cast, which you need when the whole movie revolves about two human beings falling in love and fighting for it.

Nora! That’s why I didn’t miss June so much, I guess. Nora and the place they gave her do it all. And with the movie being 2h, you can’t have a billion characters jumping in and out of the story, she’d have been like Bea and she deserves better, more. So I’m glad they decided to cut her off instead of having be a poor adaptation.

While I didn't enjoy the rhythm and lack of depth, the way they brought their messages to life is genius.

Oh and that might get me in trouble but I’m so glad they didn’t keep Your song for the museum scene. 

Uma Thurman's talking about bottoming was never on my bingo card but it was hilarious.

And last but not least: ZAHRA IS A GODDESS. “Touch me and die.” That’s it.

[rist-ix]

Hey Rist! How've you been? I'm curious. How would you rank Valtor's different voices for the 3 versions(RAI, 4Kids & Nick)? I was looking at S3 of Winx Club (I missed Valtor lol) & I was curious abt his voices for the different versions. So, I watched a bit of S3E5 in all 3 and ranked them from most to least fave. I ranked them: 1) Nick, 2) RAI, 3) 4Kids. Nick's version is so.. so Valtor, 4Kids seems a bit (a lot) too extra, and Rai's version is a bit (just a bit) gruff. What do you think, Rist?

That’s actually pretty much the same as I remember liking them, but my memory has failed me before so I’m editing a crappy little compilation together. And there's really only one scene I could have used for that without losing y’all’s respect. (Fair warning tho the audio trails over scene cuts occasionally so there's some weird jump cuts with sudden noise, but whatever)

From your worst to your best we have:

4Kids Valtor

Ignoring the dollar-store-James-bond music at the beginning, I quite like Valtor's theme here. The ominous cembalo cords remind me of cheesy old fantasy-horror movies and black castles during very dramatic lightning storms, and I honestly feel like the pompous, dramatic 4kids voice fits very well for that. By itself I feel like it’s far too over the top (which is generally 4kids motto), and also my least favorite of the three, but it does have a certain unapologetic arrogance going for it. It might not rank well for me compared to the other ones, but it’s still authentic and fun. Peak gay vampire energy here.

Something I noticed is the pretty big dialogue change here, where he states that he's warning bloom out of an “old, long forgotten curtesy”. I tend to dislike changes from the original script, but honestly? That’s such a cool detail. I feel like that adds a lot to his character pretty early one, no matter if he genuinely means it or is just baiting Bloom.

Rai Valtor (also known as Cinélume)

You are absolutely right, very deep voice. I am looking respectfully 👀👀👀

Compared to 4kids, this Valtor is a lot more subdued. The voice acting is EXCELLENT, the little chuckle he gives when he recounts what people say about him is peak Valtor, pure irony and ridicule. I tend to forget him a lot, if I’m being honest, because he's not as notable as ExtraDramaQueen-4Kids!Valtor, and not as radically different as the Nick version, but he is still very much a very interesting middle ground between them. If I’m being completely honest he's actually my favorite of the three, now that I think about it. His dialogue is closest to the original and I tend to imagine this voice when I write fanfics, and even if you can’t hear it in this example, he's got a really memorable way to speak when he's pitting the Trix against each other or trying to soothe their egos. There's something really manipulative, threatening in his tone sometimes, no matter which lines he gets.

But it is a close call with your number 1.

Nick Valtor

(First of all, Bloom's voice is somehow stealing the show for me here. In the beginning she really sounds like she's scared, in pain, and she's got that rough edge to her tone when she's angry. I don’t usually bother with the nick dub, but damn. Maybe I should.)

I’m not exaggerating when I say that this Valtor is easily the most refined of the three. More subdued, like the Rai version, but not as deep as either of the previous two. It sometimes reminds me of Macaque from The Monkey Kid, and that’s a huge compliment. This Valtor has a quiet, insidious danger to him that is subtle yet very present. He says “I'll do what needs to be done” and you don’t doubt it for a second. There's that weird blend of lighthearted indifference in his voice which makes him distinct from the others, and it helps to emphasize that he's completely different from Darkar and the Trix: he analyzes and understands his enemies in a way that basically guarantees him victory, no matter the opponent. I wouldn’t say I like it more than the Rai Valtor — this one could use a little more drama and pomp — but he's objectively the highest quality here.

But what’s this?

It’s GermanDub!Valtor with a steel chair!!!

Shut up I’m totally right about this one the god of voice acting told me so

I am not taking criticism!

My boy my king my one true love, it’s the slightly raspy, cutting and incredibly heinous voice of my childhood dub! He may be speaking a bit faster to fit all those long german words into such a short shot, but he pulls it off MAGNIFICENTLY. Similar to Nick's it’s not as deep as I’d imagine from seeing his face, but he has a harshness to his words that does not speak of subtle threat but of open hostility, clad in polite words. He's here for a fight, no matter with whom, and while he may not get that on this day he leaves no doubt that eventually, he'll wipe the floor with them. His voice influenced me a lot during Sparked, even if I didn’t really imagine it when he had dialogue. Just the character of it is such a vibe, this slightly impatient thirst for violence he somehow manages to pour into his long game.

10/10.