#this might be my new favourite troupe

[sailorstar9]

My Stepsister Seduces My Husband, But What She Doesn’t Know Is That...

F/N and Zhongli had their wedding shortly after the Lantern Rite Festival.

Everyone thought F/N found a handsome man, not knowing the truth. They were all deceived by his chiselled face and body; F/N's step-sister was one of those deceived. Because no one, save for the Adepti in Liyue Harbor, knew that Zhongli was the Prime Adepti.

After the most recent 'Rite of Descension', he started to work at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour as its consultant.

A few days after the Lantern Rite Festival, F/N brought Zhongli home to visit her parents. They brought along three large boxes of gifts along with Gaming and a fellow guard from the Transport Agency. It was Zhongli first meeting with his wife's family.

The presence of Zhongli and the two Transport Agency guards scared F/N's biological father and stepmother.

The dinner table was set after Zhongli paid Gaming and his partner for their services.

F/N's step-sister, dressed to the nines, kept helping Zhongli to food, trying to impress him. “My sister is merely a junior tax agent working at the Ministry of Civil Affairs. And yet she found such a wonderful man like brother-in-law. I envy her; unlike me who works hard training under Director Yun every day, afraid to eat more just to maintain my figure. I might be able to perform alongside the Director some day and may not even find a partner as good as brother-in-law.” she sighed, showing off by pinching her slim waist.

F/N's step-sister, Zhen Yu, was brought by F/N's stepmother; their two families were from divorced and remarried families.

A few years ago, F/N's mother died from a rock slide while working at The Chasm. Shortly after that, F/N's father quickly got together with Zhen Yu's mother after a meeting with the marriage broker.

Ever since Zhen Yu entered the household, the two step-sisters never got along. Zhen Yu especially loved competing with F/N. When Y/N pulled her hair into a bun with a hair stick, Zhen Yu would also bun up her hair the next day with an extra hair stick. When F/N was thirteen, a boy from the neighbourhood gave her a love letter. Zhen Yu then intentionally wore a floral dress in front of him and claiming F/N was dirty and didn't bathe. Seeing the boy flee from embarrassment, Zhen Yu smirked to herself. Later, when F/N approached Yun Jin for an apprenticeship, Zhen Yu followed suit and applied. She cried pitifully, saying she didn't dare to ask for much. And if her real father was around, he would definitely be willing to send her.

The Yun-Han Opera Troupe apprenticeship fees were very high and the family could only afford to send one person.

F/N's father, feared being accused of favouritism by his new wife, sent Zhen Yu to Yun Jin.

F/N gritted her teeth and started working, using the Mora she saved from her salary to pay for her way through law school.

Later, when F/N brought a classmate home to introduce him as her boyfriend, Zhen Yu also stole him from F/N.

At this moment, when Zhongli heard Zhen Yu's words, he put down his chopsticks with a bang. He frowned slightly but didn't say anything, just overturning his bowl on the table. “My apologies.” he started. “I don't like anyone, except my wife, serving me food. I'm disgusted by the saliva.”

Zhen Yu was stunned, her face flashed with embarrassment. She looked at Zhongli plaintively, “I'm not a stranger.” she whined.

Zhongli did not say a word and just pointed his knee with a finger. “Move your feet under the table away from my legs.”

F/N peered under the table cloth, noticing Zhen Yu's foot was reaching under her chair to try and touch Zhongli's leg.

Zhen Yu was instantly dumbfounded; after all, this trick of hers always worked. It's not something a normal person would point out directly. Seeing everyone in the family glance at her, she was so embarrassed that she quickly explained, “Brother-in-law, have you all misunderstood something? If you don't like me serving food, it's okay. I know my sister is usually petty, but I really don't mean anything by it.”

F/N's step-mother immediately spoke up, “Mr. Zhongli, this is Zhen Yu's goodwill. She usually looks down on everyone, never being so gentle and caring. It's just a kind gesture. Did F/N say anything to cause you to misunderstand?”

F/N father also chimed in, “Our table is small. Bumps are inevitable. Don't think so much about it. Zhen Yu is just caring for her brother-in-law.”

As F/N watched her father's and step-mother's behaviour, she couldn't help but sneer. Zhen Yu had done this kind of thing not just once or twice; they had always turned a blind eye and they weren't any different now.

As soon as they finished speaking, Zhongli unbuttoned the top button of his suit with a somewhat amused smile. F/N was about to get angry at her father's words, but he patted her shoulder. Then, he manifested a sharp Geo shard from his palm. Letting the shard twirl above his palm, he said, “F/N has told me everything about the family. Let me make it clear to you all. F/N is my wife. If you still want to bully her in the future, don't blame me for being ruthless.” snarling at the three of them after he dispelled the Geo shard, he added, “Respecting you as F/N's parents, I won't speak any dirty words. If you don't want trouble, don't let your attention wander to my wife.”

F/N's father opened his mouth, his face red with rage, wanting to say something, but he knew he was helpless against a Vision user. Infuriated and trembling, he yelled, “How dare you... how could you find such ruffians?”

F/N simply cleared her throat and grabbed Zhongli's arm. “Ruffians? Dad, don't talk nonsense. Don't you know Zhongli is a renowned consultant at Wangsheng Funeral Parlour?”

Zhen Yu and F/N's step-mother's faces turned so ugly it could have dripped ink. They probably couldn't continue eating that meal.

Zhongli didn't say much as the conversation had ended. “it's getting late.” he started. “You should rest early. I'll take F/N home.” with that, he wrapped his arm around F/N's waist and walked away.

Turning back to her childhood home as she and Zhongli walked to the walk path, F/N saw Zhen Yu glaring furiously. F/N, it's not over between us. She swore. I must have your man. There's no cat in the world that doesn't steal fish. Just you wait and see.

“Looks like my step-sister has set her sights on you.” F/N turned to Zhongli.

F/N was surprised when her father paid her a visit at her workplace, bringing ham to apologize.

“Your mother's favourite was ham, you know.” F/N's father spoke, picking a piece of Minty Meat Roll at Wanmin Restaurant at lunchtime.”

“Alright.” F/N sighed, knowing her father's underlying intentions. “Here's the address.” she wrote down her current lodging address on a piece of paper.

“Let Zhen Yu bring them over to you.” F/N's father suggested. “She also wants to apologize to you.”

Using family ties to deceive me. F/N wondered after her father left the restaurant after paying for his share of the meal. Was it just a ploy to get Zhen Yu my address? It seemed like my sister hadn't given up; still determined to win Zhongli over.

Sure enough, that weekend, Zhen Yu showed up at F/N's door, knocking. She was dressed in a figure-hugging qipao and high heels.

Seeing F/N answer the door, she hesitated for moment, collecting her flirtatious look. “Your place is hard to find. My feet ache from all that walking.” she whined.

“Then, why don't you hire a transport agency?” F/N was not amused.

“How could I?” Zhen Yu complained. “I've come to apologize in person. I wasn't being polite the other day.”

Then, she simply entered without taking off her shoes and gave a glance around. “Is Zhongli not at home?”

“He's out getting bamboo shoots.” F/N answered, just as Zhongli came in with several bamboo shoots in a basket.

As soon as he saw Zhen Yu, his eyebrows farrowed and he gave F/N a questioning look.

“I couldn't help it.” F/N shrugged. “She sticks like glue.”

Zhen Yu's eyes lit up when she saw Zhongli. She practically skipped over, but before she could take a few steps, she tripped and fell in front of the married couple. She rubbed her legs awkwardly, “I think I sprained my foot. Honey, could you help me up?”

“You're an adult and you can't even walk properly without tripping on flat ground.” F/N chided. “Maybe you should get checked up at the Bubu Pharmacy.”

Zhen Yu pouted when Zhongli just walked over her and into the kitchen.

“Why bother with her?” the Lord of Geo looked at his wife as they prepared ingredients for Oncidium Tofu.

“She's like a rush that you can't shake off.” F/N replied, slicing the tofu.

Zhen Yu, feeling awkward, noticed that neither of the couple were paying attention to her. After a while, she picked herself up before darting towards the kitchen. “Is Zhongli the one who cooks at home? It must be hard for you; working to support the family then coming home to cook for my sister. When I have a husband, I won't let him cook for me. Cooking is women's work. Men shouldn't be in the kitchen.”

Zhongli poured himself a cup of Chenyu Brew, blew across the tea cup and took a sip to calm himself down. Rolling up his sleeves, he downed the entire cup, revealing his entire sleeve tattoo. “What's on the menu tonight? Let's cook this.” he looked coldly at Zhen Yu.

“Cook...” Zhen Yu stuttered, her face turning pale at the golden diamond-shaped tattoos decorating Zhongli's arms. “In our house, both of us handle the inside. Do you have a problem with that?”

“I don't have a problem.” Zhen Yu stammered. “I just feel sorry for my sister. It's not easy for you.”

“You're not someone to me.” Zhongli replied dismissively. “Why should I pity you?”

F/N pulled the still shell-shocked Zhen Yu away, “It's better to just give up. Not all men fall for your tricks.”

“Wasn't my brother-in-law just joking?” Zhen Yu recomposed herself with a forced smile as she prepared to leave F/N's house. “He's really funny.”

“Don't worry, mom.” Zhen Yu assured her mother once she returned home. “There was a small mistake there. There's no man I can't handle. I'm set on winning Zhongli and making F/N miserable. You didn't visit their house. You don't know they live in a house bigger than ours and they have more antiques than us. It's just her husband seems a bit off but rich people all have their quirks. It's normal. F/N is not as attractive as me. Why should she have such a good husband? She must have tricked him. Wait and see. I used to steal all her boyfriends. Now I will steal her husband too. Men are all the same.”

“Now, what is this about the ex-fiance of yours?” Zhongli breathed, the couple were cuddling in bed after a night of lovemaking.

Acting upon Zhen Yu's instigation, F/N's former fiance had harassed the couple during lunchtime.

“He's just a cheating scumbag that's not worth mentioning.” F/N replied. “We cut off any contact a long time ago. Zhen Yu is bothering you, not me.”

“So, someone's still yearning for your husband and you're not jealous?” Zhongli quirked an amused smile.

“Of course, I get jealous.” F/N playfully poked Zhongli's bare chest. “But I know not everyone can seduce my man.”

Days later, F/N's relatives begun to gossip about Zhen Yu's dismissal from her apprenticeship. She had bullied her fellow junior troupe members and attempted to seduce the troupe elders' sons to get more prominent roles which backfired when Zhongli made a formal complaint of her misconduct directly to Yun Jin. She was permanently expelled from the opera troupe, ending her dreams of performing alongside the troupe director.

[ymaohoh]

Masterlist

So I've fallen right into the deep end of the HellCheer fandom. Ride or die. I'm in love with Chrissy Cunningham and Eddie Munson. The fans are fucking talented too, alright? I've been binging fics and the artwork but there's certain troupes/ideas/prompts that keep rattling away in my brainbox. I'm going to note them here for if (or when) I maybe write something for the two...but (public service announcement) if anyone knows a fic out there which can scratch these little itches please link me up.

Updated: 18.04.24

My Completed Fics

Chrissy starts dating. Eddie's not thrilled - Dating Chrissy - oneshot

Eddie wants to buy something nice for Chrissy. Candles are romantic, right? He ventures on a quest to the mall - Yankee Candle Baby - oneshot.

Chrissy is such a Brat with Eddie and Jason watches it (while hiding). Jason's POV - Chrissy Cunningham is a Brat - oneshot - mature

What if Chrissy ran from Eddie after her vision? What if it pushed them apart? They later share a joint and things get much much worse. My take on 'Chrissy lives' but it takes a little while for them to get back on the same page - Chrissy Runs Away - Chapter 3/3.

Eddie and Chrissy have unprotected sex against a brick wall after his gig because they can't wait - “We could always just…do it anyway?" - oneshot - mature

Eddie and Chrissy die but they're summoned again for the final fight Ft. time travel and angst - my hope for season 5 - Howl - oneshot

Gender Swap AU where Ellie Munson saves Chris Cunningham - a play on 'Chrissy Lives' - Rule 63' - oneshot

Ongoing

Vecna keeps Chrissy in hell - 'and she's a bride of the fucking devil' - 2/2 chapters.

My Mess of Drabbles

Eddie dies and Chrissy is waiting for him - end of passion play, crumbling away - short drabble only

Chrissy the Vampire Slayer AU

Labyrinth AU

X-Files AU

Pirates AU

Stardust AU

Jason joins the good side AU

Photocheer moodboard (Chrissy x Jonathan)

Headcannon Prompts

Max's relationship with Hellcheer

Dustin's relationship with Hellcheer

Chrissy and Wayne Munson's (beautiful) relationship

Chrissy and The Party headcanons

Favourite Fanfictions Masterlist

Need a new fic? Not sure where to start? Check out these INCREDIBLE Hellcheer fanfictions

In need of/ Prompts

Chrissy gets her first tattoo. A cliche at this point no? I'm torn between her getting this done without Eddie knowing as a surprise, or if I want him right there holding her hand.

Eddy eyeing her up in the school cafeteria or class. Basically Eddy simping over Chrissy.

Anything with Eddie and Chrissy reuniting after death / or in the upside-down (manifesting the second).

Chrissy and Eddie getting high together. Maybe a dash of 'will I remember any of this tomorrow?' as they confess their feelings and frustrations.

Eddie loves Chrissy in a sundress. The more feminine, girly, and flouncy the better. He wants to get his hands under it.

He also loves her in a Hellfire top. Anything really that marks her subtly as his.

Other character POV's watching them flirt. Sweet sweet music to my...eyes?

He loves it when she wears one of his rings. She has plenty of her own jewelry (and it's all real gold/expensive/fit for a princess) but it doesn't mean anything really. Her eyes light up at his rings, though.

Together they create a D&D character for her to practice with. They discuss what type she's most likely to be (Eddie's a bard right?). I'm feeling Chrissy might also have that bard energy (she's THE hype girl, right?) or a healer? They definitely get distracted though and don't actually finish it.

He is a rambler. He talks when he's nervous - and Chrissy finds it easy to keep up.

Chrissy tells the jocks to leave the Hellfire club alone in the school corridor. She gets annoyed when she hears them referring to the kids as 'freaks'. Eddie adores the fire and nerve he sees in her eyes because it only really ever comes out when she's in protective mode (bonus points 1) if she tells Jason to fuck off 2) she walks away with the Hellfire club after).

Chrissy is the only one who gets him to study (and pass). He knows he has a reason to now, you know? They've got plans and he isn't wasting time.

Eddie has doubts about Chrissy really truly loving him - she's way out of his league, after all, so she makes sure to create visual reminders. She takes their photo together and tacks it up in her locker for all to see.

Eddie loves fucking Chrissy in her cheerleading uniform. She loves fucking him when he's backstage. They will want to mark their place in each other's bizarre worlds.

Eddie worries about his future with Chrissy (what's his dumbass supposed to do while she excels at college?) but he likes the way his last name suits her.

Eddie is ONLY soft for Chrissy. A scene where he's trying to be big and scary for the club and she unknowingly fractures this image by doing something oh so achingly cute. Maybe she giggles or squee's during a D&D session? It takes him ages to drag himself back into his DM role.

I'll be adding to this , fo' sure.

Is there an official name for this dynamic? Unpopular baddass x sunshine princess?

All aboard the ship. Ahoy ahoy.

[deathbxnny]

Hi there! Can i request platonic hcs of Astral Express Crew (Welt, Himeko, Dan heng, March, and Caelus)x Youngest!trailblazer reader.

So i headcannon Dan heng, March, and Trailblazer MC be around their early or mid twenties, so i want the reader be around 15-16.

Im a sucker for platonic stuff, romance is good and all but sometimes found family is much better.

-----♡

A/N: I absolutely get what you mean, Anon. Found family is one of my favourite troupes ever! So thank you for the request!<33

Content: Astral Express crew, platonic relationships, teen reader, fluff, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Himeko

Himeko is always quite worried about you and was even hesitant on having you on the Express at first. But even so, after you proved her that you were capable of taking care of yourself, she allowed you to join them.

She won't let you go on solo missions though and always has someone accompanying you for safety. She also scolds you whenever you cause any trouble or endanger yourself.

She becomes a bit like a motherly figure to you over time, comforting you and inviting you for tea whenever you're feeling down. She also gifts you little things here and there, whenever you do something well. She's just so proud of you.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

Another child to add to his long list of adoptive children. He's naturally quite protective over you due to your age and can be a bit stern at times. He finds the job of a Trailblazer too dangerous for you, yet respects you for your abilities and knows you can manage yourself.

But similarly to Himeko, he won't let you go on missions alone and keeps in touch with you often during them. He might be a little sterner, when it comes to scolding you over endangering yourself, but you know it's for your own good, especially as his voice is usually still very gentle with you.

He might give you more slack than Himeko, when it comes to your duties and perhaps spoil you with little trinkets he knows you like a little more than he should. But seeing you happy and healthy is all he wants to see.

-----♡

》Dan Heng

Dan Heng treats you like he treats everyone else on the Express. He doesn't really acknowledge your age for the most part and doesn't care much for it either. As long as you can fulfill your duties properly without issues, he won't say anything.

With that said, he secretly keeps you out of trouble and protects you from danger without you noticing anything. He doesn't want you get hurt, even if you are able to take care of yourself and so you often see him parry any hit that comes your way. If you ask him about it, he denies ever helping you, mainly also to encourage you to do better.

He'll let you hang out in the archive room with him and allows you to go through the databank. If you have any questions, then he'll answer them and maybe even elaborate to teach you something. He may never say it, but you are nice company to him.

-----♡

》March 7th

You honestly find her the most fun to hang out with. She has a bit of a childish streak and is always up for a new adventure with you. You two may be reckless together, but that just makes things more fun, even if you get scolded by Himeko or Welt by the end of it.

But even so, you two enjoy pulling pranks on the crew or taking pictures together wherever you go. You also always have eachothers backs in battle and are a good duo all things considered. She doesn't mind taking care of you in missions, mainly because there is usually always someone else there as well to make sure you two don't endanger yourselves too much.

So yeah, she's your best friend on the Express and is an older sister figure to you. If you ever need help, she'll do her best to help you out and is always there for you!

-----♡

》Caelus

He does his best to get along with you and not treat you like a kid, even when he's often put on "babysitting" duty for you. Not that he really minds, as you're good company to have around anyway.

He'll take you on adventures with him often and makes sure you're always well taken care of during them. He's always protecting you somehow and tries keeping you out of trouble as much as he can. You can also ask him for anything and he'll try getting you it. He just wants you to be happy.

With that said, he likes learning new things with you. He doesn't know everything about the world yet and you don't either, which is why you often look for new things to do or try out together. Caelus tries to always make things fun and you learn to appreciate that greatly.

-----♡

A/N: I hope this was okay! Thank you again for the cute request!<33

[shortpplfedup]

We Are Episodes 1-5: Just guys being dudes I guess

Well I didn't think this was the show that would bring me back to writing anything, but low stakes and baby steps I guess. As with most of the BL I've enjoyed lately, I originally had absolutely zero intention of watching this. A 4-couple 16-ep hangout BL from New Siwaj? Nothing in there I need. Then this photo emerged from the set stills...

...and suddenly I was listening. Not terribly attentively mind you, but my curiosity was piqued enough to give her a try. So I did, and 5 weeks in I've decided she can stay for now.

I wanna be clear: there is nothing happening in this show. This isn't a good or interesting show. This is all about guys being dudes, hanging out with their friends, making new friends, and liking each other. Occasionally some of them talk about Art. But the vibes are...intriguing is far too strong a word. It's fun. It's cute. The characters are cutouts but clearly drawn (that is definitely one of New's strengths, I always know who his characters are and they rarely surprise or confuse me). The situations they put them in are pure undiluted tropery, but it works somehow? The cast has a lot of charm, that helps. Aou is playing probably my favourite character of his ever. Satang is making aegyo work for him shockingly well. Winny is giving something inexplicably fun as a surly art student. Poom is a goofy delight. Godji is here being hilarious. Every character is somehow pitched perfectly for the vibe. I am endeared. Each of our 4 couples is playing in their own genre of romantic comedy, but it all pulls together and not apart for me because of the breezy vibe of the whole. It ain't much, but it feels like everybody was having fun making this, and I'm really responding to that right now.

Our trope troupe, in no particular order.

Chain and Pun

Let's start with the friends to lovers couple, because there isn't much happening here yet (methinks the reshoots have pushed their story back near the end). There are all indications that both are somewhat aware of how they might feel. Pun is kinda chaotic and dumb like a fox methinks. Chain is endeared. 1.5/4 hearts

Tan and Fang

Next up we have the loud and quiet pair. Fang mostly keeps himself to himself and Tan is LITERALLY incapable of doing that. Motormouthing a mile a minute, telling all his business, calling friend gatherings together to announce that he likes somebody (not that they're dating, just that he likes them). He's annoying. And Fang is endeared by that. Him agreeing to date Tan seems a little out of nowhere but there isn't any pretence or secrecy to Tan. What you see is exactly what you get, and Fang seems to like what he sees. 2.5/4 hearts.

Toey and Q

Our third couple are our grumpy/sunshine couple. Normally this level of cutesy would drive me straight up a wall, but I think what's saving it for me is that nobody's really denying their feelings here. Q grumbles, but Toey has him completely wrapped around his little finger, and they both kinda know it. I'm pretty sure these two would actually burn down the world for each other if it was required. 3.5/4 hearts.

Phum and Peem

Our enemies to lovers couple. Up until this week I did not understand what they hell they were doing with these two, but it's clicked into place now: you think Phum is taking advantage, but Peem wouldn't be doing a single solitary fuck of this if he didn't want to. He started this out by kicking that man in the nuts, he ain't scared. Once Peem's curiosity overrode his pisstivity, it was only a matter of time. Watching him wait this entire episode for Phum to kiss him, then slowly realize he was gonna have to be the one to do it himself was...*snort* 2.5/4 hearts.

[rotten-pomegranate]

Hi, I’ve never some this before so I hope I’m doing it right!

How do you think members of the troupe would react to their S/O having nipple and clit/dick piercings? Would they like it and how would they treat them during sex, or do you think some of them would make you take them out?



How phantom troupe act with a darling with a clit/dick piercing

I like this one I have my nipples pierced

Warnings: pain play, nsfw, clit/dick piercings, some yandere in shalnarks

I only did the characters people like so: Chrollo, uvogin, Nobonug, shizuku, shalnark, phinks, pakunoda, machi, Feitan (not it order)

/|\^._.^/|\/|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\/|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\/|\^._.^/|\

Feitan

Feitan doesn’t think much of it until he realizes he can make you hurt with it, he doesn’t wanna hurt you bad but a yank or two in it during sex is a sweet deal for him

He might ask you take it out if your meeting his boss or the rest of the troupe but there’s no reason why just respect

He’ll get one if you beg enough and do a couple “favours” to persuade him but otherwise he wouldn’t

Chrollo

Chrollo hates it, normally he would say he wouldn’t change anything about you but he would change the piercing if you gave him the chance

He would ask you take it out but would respect if you said no, he will try his hardest to ignore it during sex

He would never get one, if doesn’t matter if you beg and offer your life he won’t get one

He’ll offer you bribes to take it out, “take it out and I’ll get you that thing you wanted from the store”

He won’t come around to it ever, he will always hate it

Uvogin

Uvogin kinda likes it he doesn’t do anything with it but he likes seeing it in the middle of fucking you

He would never ask you to take it out because half the time he doesn’t notice when it’s there

He would get one but no needles can Peirce his skin so it’s not an option

He asks questions about it a lot, how do you clean it, does it make sex better, etc

Nobunaga

I feel like Nobonuga already has one, he got it on a dare or from losing a bet with uvogin so he doesn’t care at all the you have one

He likes it, when he’s going down on you he likes playing with it with his tongue 

He will buy matching ones for you guys to wear, he doesn’t care if only you guys will see it

Shizuku

She forgets you have it sometimes, she’ll start going down on you and she’ll be like “oh did you get this today?”

She will get one but she’ll probably miss the appointment it will have to be a walk in

She wants you to let her pick out the piercing whenever you change it, like a fun little morning ritual

Shalnark

Shalnark is cool with it, might not get one but he likes that you have one, he thinks about the piercer a little to much, did they like you? did they think you were hot? Maybe he should go take care of them

He likes watching you do stuff with it, clean it, change it, anything that involves it really

Guess what, he didn’t know to get you as a gift before but now he does, your getting a new piercing for every occasion

Phinks

Phinks doesn’t even notice it the first two times you fuck, it’s the third time that he’s like “hey has this already been here” while giving it a little tug to see you reaction

After he notices the first time it’s his favourite thing, he always pulls on it and puts it in his mouth while down there

He might get one, but if he does you would have to ask and have him say no so he can surprise you with it

Machi

Mach doesn’t show that she likes but she does, her eyes go to it when you fucking and when she goes down on you she pays a little to much attention to it then she would if she didn’t like it

She won’t get one, she just doesn’t want one, but if you want another piercing of any kind she will pay for it in a heartbeat

She likes cleaning and changing it, it makes her feel good and she’ll offer to do it often

Pakunoda

Pakunoda adores it and you, she won’t get a clit piercing but she will get nipples piercings no problem

She’s very open about everything, she’s so excepting and clan about everything it’s so cute

She likes rubbing it during and before to get you hard/wet

[theofficialpresidentofmars]

been thinking about a less serious totally campy 2000-2010s teen movie adaptation of Hamlet in my spare time (female lead Hamlet and not word-for-word... bite me) after listening to Nirvana's Nevermind on repeat and it was all coming together up until Act 3 Scene 2: The Mousetrap.

Now this one's an interesting one, as seeing as there aren't many travelling actor troupes around these days, often modern takes tend to modernise this performance, with Ethan Hawke's Hamlet utilising the art of indie film and perhaps my all-time favourite take on it, Ryan North's To Be Or Not To Be A Choosable Adventure Book that has Claudius play a Choose Your Own Adventure book within the Choose Your Own Adventure book (spoiler alert- he chooses the kill-your-brother path). In this way I am a fan of when the play-within-a-play is changed to suit the medium of adaptation, but I wasn't really feeling a movie for the characterisation vibes I was going for.

Until I had possibly the greatest idea ever. While travelling theatre troupes that perform edited renditions of well known plays just out and about are less common, there's another and often more mobile theatre form, close to my heart, that could be utilised to fit this scene well: comedy improv.

Hamlet, hearing word her old theatre group is back in town, inviting her mother and uncle along to an improv night, with a secret plan to reveal her uncle's guilt through the art of theatresports.

It'll probably go either one of two ways: she pulls aside her old teammate, asks for a favour- she knows that it's improv, and the whole point is that it's Not planned ahead, but if just this once she could get a certain scene to play out in front of her parents. and while reluctant, they agree, and on the night, announce a game of New Choice, asking Hamlet to be their caller.

It goes a little something like this:

'I shall now pour the deadly poison down his throat-'

'New Choice!'

'Into his eyes-'

'New Choice!'

'Into his ears!'

'Wow, that's crazy. Poisoned by his own brother. Would be a real shame if he were to go and marry his wife now, wouldn't it be, Claudius?'

Alternatively, instead of asking to rig a game (which is a cardinal sin anyway), Hamlet asks if she can join them for a special round, like old times. She offers to write for a game of Typewriter. Her teammate agrees, then jokingly implies that she's grown rusty, asking if she remembers the most important rule of improv. Rolling her eyes, of course she remembers to yes-and, she says.

She does not yes-and.

She flat out refuses the first two offers from the audience on the ask of 'interesting relationship between two people' until her plant Horatio eventually pipes up with 'wife and brother-in-law', she prefaces her scene with a lengthy disclaimer that it may cover some morbid topics but they shouldn't bother anyone (unless they have something to hide), and proceeds to run the scene with an iron fist, shutting down any offers that don't suit her purpose. Her teammate is making plans to chew her out afterwards when she shuts down their fifth offer to do ANYTHING but keep talking about how great a wife they are and how much they're not going to cheat etc etc. Eventually they get somewhere, and someone's getting poisoned, but then a bell rings and they get the '30 seconds, wrap it up' (about time, the pacing's gone to shit). but instead of wrapping it up in any manner that might salvage the scene, Hamlet takes it as an invitation to suddenly start typing quicker than normal, like she HAS to get all these words out before her time is up, and is ignoring everyone to go on this tangent about the king's death and how the brother takes the throne and she's just started to talk about how he marries the late king's wife (bit weird innit) when her uncle stands up and storms out of the room.

Anyway it would just be fun, methinks.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Minami Maito’s Research 100

This was taken from the Minami Maito photobook, as kindly scanned by a mutual. At this time, Maiti was still in Flower Troupe.

Note: This is the second of my Research-100 translation series and it couldn’t be made possible without the contributions of fellow mutuals. Find my first translation of Aizuki Hikari’s photobook here!)

PROFILE

Name: Minami Maito Troupe: Flower Troupe Birthday: June 28 Blood Type:  O Nickname: Minami, Maitii Height: 170cm Vision: 2.0 Shoe size:  24.5 Finger size: I don’t know! Charm point: Nose Strenghts: I am passionate on anything Weaknesses: Shy Catchphrase: I want to be “All Maiti!!”...so I’ll do my best!! Birthplace: Osaka

FAVOURITE THINGS

1. Favourite season –> Autumn 2. Favourite event –> New year 3. Place that you want to go –> New York. Because I want to see Broadway musicals. 4. Favourite animal –> Dog 5. Favourite song –> Yuzu’s “Bridge of Glory” and Ozaki Yukata’s songs 6. Favourite movie –> “Les Misérables” 7. Favourite musical genre –> Musical 8. Favouite television genre –> Probably TV dramas. Recently I’m watching “Stepmom and Daughter Blues” (Japanese drama 義母と娘のブルース), “Your Turn to Kill” (Japanese drama あなたの番です), “TWO WEEKS”. (Korean dramas 투윅스） 。 9. Favourite colours –> White and Black 10. Favourite book –> “A Letter from Father”（父からの手紙） 11. Favourite scent –> I like how the clothes smell after I finish washing them.

FOOD

12. Favourite thing to eat –> Noodles 13. Things I dislike eating –> This is probably quite problematic for me... (sweating) but there’s actually a lot. I hate all kinds of beans but I can eat Edamame!  I also don’t like foods with too strong taste, but I also don’t like foods that’d be difficult for me to guess “What is this smell”? Oh and I also can’t eat bugs (laughs)/ 14. Good at cooking –> Fried vegetables maybe.

I LIKE...

15. Meat or fish –> Um... meat 16. Japanese or Western or Chinese food –> Japanese 17. Japanese sweets or Western sweets –> Japanese. 18. Coffee or red tea –> I’m conflicted! Usually, it would be coffee, but on rest days or when I want to spend the day slowly, it would be red tea!! 19. Salt or soy sauce or sauce –> Because I’m from Kansai, it might be more often to say “sauce”... (laughs) but it’s probably salt for me.

OFF (STAGE)-ME

20. Morning or night type –> Night 21. The first thing I do in the morning –> Wash my face 22. I shower with hot water or cold water –> Hot water 23. When you sleep do you like to turn on some lights or leave it dark –> Leave it dark 24. What is the longest time you’ve slept before –> More than 12 hours 25. What do you do for a change of moods –> Clean up the house, watch television 26. How much time do you use your phone –> Depending on time and circumstances, around 2-3 hours a day 27. Do you like to contact by mail or by phone –> Mail 28. Usually I’m the speaker or the listener –> The listener 29. The joker or the teaser –> Depending on the partner, but I think I’m mostly the teaser. 30. Only hot or only cold –> Either. I feel I can be more tolerant than others on the very hot or very cold side. 31. You like to go on group activity or individual activity –> Individual activity. 32. Qualifications you have –> Car license. And also, Kanji qualification, English qualification and mathematics qualification. But I forgot which level I was at (laughs). 33. Favourite kind of shoes –> Sneakers 34. Your taste in interior design –> I don’t want to have too sharp colours. So it’d probably be just all white. 35. Things that you can’t stop doing, or habits –> My go-to phrase is always saying “Well, I dunno but” (laughs). I’m from Kansai so I can’t stop saying with a Kansai-dialect. 36. Jinx (bad luck) –> Don’t particularly have one 37. Something you’re scared of –> Bugs 38. Treasure –> People I’ve met so far

REST DAYS...

39. Indoor or outdoor –> Outdoor 40. Karaoke must-sing choice –> Ozaki Yukata’s songs 41. The place you’d always go to shopping –> Umeda 42. You’re quick to decide or conflicted when you’re shopping –> Quick to decide 43. The thing you want to do the most in rest days –> Would it be going to have a massage or going to a cafe...But it’d probably be going for a massage. 44. You spend your rest days slowly or with a plan –> Slowly.

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES...

45. The childhood nickname –> Minami 46. Favourite subject –> Sports 47. The subject you dislike –> Science. 48. The game you’d always play is –> Dodgeball 49. The club or interest you were engaged in –> Classical ballet 50. The dream job –> It has been being a Takarasienne since I was little. But if I could have another choice, would I be a cashier (laughs). Recently, there were more self-service cashier services and I thought it could be fun being a cashier.

RECENTLY, I...

51. Recently I’d always wear –> White 52. Last time I cried –> It was the shonichi performance of “Dream On!” where everyone wrote a message and autographed on their photos even though given a tight schedule. I was touched by the collaged decorated makeup desk I had. 53. Last time I laughed –> It was during a troupe dinner party where we were watching the DVDs of when Sayumi-san (Asumi) has become Top [Star]. Rather than feeling all nostalgic, everyone was happily singing and dancing together. From the tug of war to the relay videos in the sports day, even though we didn’t know about the results, we saw how everyone was supporting for their own troupes, and that excitement had been so long ago that I laughed and cried watching it. 54. Last time I was surprised –> I returned home and when I opened the curtains, some big moths flew in. I immediately took the bug spray and chased after them. 55. Something I could do –> I could come out of the shower and finish putting on makeup in 5 minutes. That’s only for the makeup spray part though (laughs). 56. Something I’m obsessed with –> Looking at the news in my smartphone.

IF 〇〇?!

57. If you have to describe yourself with a colour –> Marble. I have many emotions and they’re quite flexible. 58. If you have to describe yourself as an animal –> Since I’m shy it’s not easy for me to be close to others, but upperclassmen have described me that I was like a big dog. 59. If you lost your way, would you return to the original path or continue moving forward on an unknown path –> Even though I’m confused, I’d continue moving forward. Since I’m already at somewhere I don’t recognise, it would be difficult returning back. 60. If you’re a musumeyaku, what outfit would you wear? –> I want to wear a wide dress with a gradation that expands spreads out. 61. If you have to challenge to be a director or a choreographer, which would it be –> Director. I think it would be touching when you could portray your thoughts through the people, the lighting, the set through this dynamic stage. 62. If you could be born again would you be a boy or a girl –> Maybe a boy. I want to try walk on a different life. 63. If you have a time machine, would you go to the past or future –> I don’t want to go to both. 64. If you could use magic –> I want to wake up quickly in the morning and I want to have a charger for my body energy where I would never be tired no matter how much I dance. 65. If you could meet a historical figure –> Elisabeth. I love “ELISABETH” and I also want to try to be a role like Elisabeth, and when I was playing as Lucheni in the newcomers’ performance, I was always chasing on Elisabeth, so I was curious as to what she thought while she was living. I also want to hear how her real voice sounded like.

FAVOURITE 〇〇!! 66. Favourite tourist spot –> Saipan Islands. The shallow water below my knees continued all the way to the other islands that I could see, and the water was so beautiful that I thought I could walk there, so I recommend it. 67. Favourite stretching method –> Yamuna ball. It really helps the blood flow for the whole body. 68. Your favourite skincare routine –> Washing your face without using soap in the morning.

A-LA CARTE

69. Favourite picture style would be close up or full photo –> Close up 70. Do you like coloured or monochrome photos –> Coloured 71. Standby motion –> My dog, the toypoodle Pochi-kun.

72. Something you want to try –> Gymnastics. Because there were many cool actions such as backflip. 73. Someone that’s always influenced you –> Mother. Because she knows me the best, she’d be the first to realise if I had any changes, if I was doing something other people won’t be doing. Because that is really moving to me, I would often realise so much more about the stage performance and about being an otokoyaku from my mother’s words. 74. A thing I want the most –> Perfect head-body balance ratio (laughs). But if we’re talking it realistically, maybe I’d be wanting more time. To spend time slower, to relax at a home a little more, to think more about the stage performances. If only there was more time, then I could do so much more.

RELATED TO STAGE 

75. When do you enter in the dressing room –> 2 hours and a half before the performance begins. 76. When do you leave the dressing room –>  If I have to return to the dressing room it would take about an hour. 77. Which is your start of the warmup routine –>  Stretching. I start from stretching. 78. A detail in stage makeup –>  Eyes. Of course it’s important to do the foundation well, but it’s also about considering if it’s a cute role, a beautiful role, a fresh role, a warm-hearted role, the way I do my eye makeup would determine the role that I’m going to be playing. 79. The time to do makeup –>  Around 45 minutes. I’m not sure but I could probably do 30 minutes the quickets but recently I’m trying to do it carefully and slowly (laughs). 80. Nervous level before entering for your scene –> Since it’s probably not a good thing to be nervous, I would say I am focused but not really nervous. But even on Shonichi (first day) performances, I am nervous as I could almost hear my heart beating. 81. Quickest time you could finish changing –> Within 1 minute 82. How far could you see into the audience –> Around until row 15 83. What would you do after a performance –> Sit on the chair 84. Are you good or bad at remembering choreography –> Good at it 85. Are you good or bad at adlibs –> Bad... Even if I could do, I probably wouldn’t (laughs). Because if you say this, then you would think of the next thing to say and it would be a hit or miss. 86. Do you like wearing military uniform or black tailcoat –> Tailcoat 87. Do you like acting in tragedy or comedy –> Tragedy 88. For love scenes, do you want to act in wordless embraces or say pretentious (shameless) lines –> Wordless embrace 89. Your detail in tailcoats –> Since black tailcoast are the royality scene of Takarazuka, when I’m wearing the tailcoat, I would have the feeling of “Otokoyaku Minami Maito!” And also depending on the difference of dancing, I’d focus on my bodyline and how the white shirt and the black jacket juxtapositions, and I’d also have to pay attention to how I do my hairstyle for the dance.

TILL NOW, MY FAVOURITE...

90. Song –> Nathan’s song when he was thinking about the difficulties with his father in “Stardom”  91. Dance –> “SANTE!!” where I paired up with Seto-san in the dance and when I danced as the character of Death in the bullfight scene choreographed by Yan-san in “Beautiful Garden -A Profusion of Flowers-”. 92. Costume –> That white and orange gradation jacket and that it was fluttering on the sides of the costume in the Finale of “DREAM ON!” 93. Scene –> In “For the People: Lincoln, the Man Who Sought Freedom”, when I saluted to Todoroki-san playing as Lincoln till Elmer died. (Mr) Lincoln was probably far away from where was, but he called out “Elmer!!” to [when Elmer died]. I really like how the flow of sentiments from Elmer was delivered to (Mr) Lincoln like that. 94. Still –> “CASANOVA” where I had a new image there. 95. Lines –> In “Messiah -The Legend of Shiroh Amakusa-” that final battle scene where [Matsudaira Nobutsuna] (her role) successfully advances and then he later said “You couldn’t come forward, could you” I thought how much emotion could I put into this line and it was so important so I was nervous eery day when I spoke that. 96. Role –> I can’t choose!!

CHALLENGE 〇〇!!

97. Handgrip –> Right 42kg, Left 38.5 kg 98. Wink (could you do left and right?) –> I could do left and right 99. Sit and reach –> 30.5cm 100. Ken-dama (you were given 10 chances) –> Done in one try successfully!

[a-small-tired-lonely-potato]

Hi! I've seen some of your posts about mairuma and from other fandoms. I got curious to know what your opinion is on Mairuma in general. you write a lot! That's amazing. I'm not asking for long answer that can consume a lot of your precious time but I'd love to know who your favourite character (s) is, favourite ships, theories, arcs, expectations and any such things in regarding mairuma. Thanks in advance ☺️

allowing me the option of a long answer was a mistake. hope u like reading cuz im bouta word vomit.

Okay let's do this.

So my opinion/s on Mairuma, let's start with the main boy himself.

Like most anime protags, he is selfless and kind, which is nice. But unlike most anime protags, he is like that for a very unique reason.

Iruma in and of himself is kind, that's just who he is, an inherent part of him. But selflessness isn't. Selflessness isn't a choice for Iruma, it's something that he believes is expected of him at all times. He doesn't know any better, he truly believes that if it comes down to him or anyone else, Literally anyone else takes priority. No matter WHO that anyone else might be.

And I love the show because while it's nice that Iruma is kind and selfless sometimes, almost everyone in the show tells him in one way or another, that it's okay, and needed, for him to be selfish sometimes.

His teachers scold him for not calling them when he's in trouble, Azz-Azz tells him how important he is all the time, and I don't really have to tell you how down his Grandpa is for selfishness sometimes.

Now that I think of it, it's not even really selfishness, it's simply knowing his own worth.

Funnily enough, Iruma himself believes that people need to learn to say no, he meets Clara and tells her he doesn't need her to give him things for him to be her friend, and a true friend wouldn't need that.

The very first time Iruma asked Azz-Azz for something, he asked him to help Clara, to talk to the demons that were bothering her, so he knows it's okay to need to put yourself first, he just can't apply that to himself because of past trauma, and that's just such a new and fresh take, I couldn't help but love this series.

And initially, I started watching the series because I saw a clip of when Iruma first met Sullivan.

And I'm a sucker for found family troupes, and Slightly-Kidnapped family sounded pretty funny so I decided to watch an episode.

And the more I watched, the more I loved. I was hooked!

The suspense of having to keep his human origins secret?

The "I beat you up so now we're friends" happening accidentally and being taken in a hilariously literal way??

The encouragement to strive towards a Goal???

More and More of the Misfit Class getting introduced until we could instantly recognize them and their individual personalities and seeing them each as having a place in the show????

The best Girl Clara Valac?????

THE CHARACTER GROWTH?!?!?!?

It's absolute perfection!!!!

I'm so excited for more! And it has a way of me both wanting more and being content with what I've got.

I want to know the backstory and I'm okay if this just continues to be Iruma's story without delving to deep into what happened with the previous demon king.

I want to see the prophecy completed and I'm okay if that happens to not be Iruma.

I want to see Iruma's scumbag parents get their comeuppance and I'm okay if we never see them again because they're not important to Iruma anymore, he's left them in the past where they belong.

You could ask me about almost any character and I could give ample reason as to why I LOVE them so much!

In fact, do! Tell people to send their fav in and I'll ramble for as long as I can! There is 1 exception to this rule but what are the chances they get sent in? lmao

My favorite Ship? To be perfectly honest? I don't really ship anyone, I think it's because they're all kids rn and I'm more into platonic relationships, but I don't dislike most of the ships I've seen.

The only one I see as a ship would probably be Balam-Sensei and Eggy-Teach.

They're just the IT couple of Bablys.

My favorite character is Andro M. Jazz.

Big brother types hit me where I live, I always wanted a big brother like that, instead I got five different flavors of Andro M. Rock. -_-

Jazz's Big Brother complex is one of the cutest fucking things I've ever seen my GOSH! I love that out of all the demons in the Misfit class, he's the big brother of the group, followed by Gaap and then Iruma as decided during the after party scene.

I love all the Misfit Class though, send me Your fav and I can expand upon thusly.

Theories? Only one, Alikred is the Previous demon king Derkila, either his soul, his magic, or actually all of him that's been sealed away in the Ring of Gluttony.

I mean come on, his name is literally Derkila spelled backwards. In the anime, he and the demon king have the Same FREAKING VOICE ACTOR! So either it's him or he's one hell of a fanboy. Which I can respect.

Also I love that we as the fandom have Eiko Oni as the Stand-In for what would happen if any of us ever met anyone in the show, God bless her Bi Soul, we're proud to have her in our ranks.

I feel like that's too much rambling and don't wanna make you wait any longer, so I'ma cut it off here, but know this.

I can go on.

Thank you for asking! Hope this wasn't too much. PEACE OUT!

[sweetdreamsjeff]

The Rebel: Patti Smith

--I bring Tim Buckley's unreleased demo of the old folk tune ‘Wayfaring Stranger’ for Patti, and she talks about how the singer/songwriter was a favourite of Robert Mapplethorpe’s back in the early Brooklyn days, and chuckles when she recalls how she and her first partner in artistic crime would neck like high school kids to the Goodbye And Hello album. She was delighted when Jeff Buckley stopped by the recording sessions and added a high, ghostly vocal part to ‘Beneath The Southern Cross’, and even more delighted when he raced home and returned to the studio with an essrage, an Egyptian instrument he used to texture the track ‘Fireflies’.--

---

Ben Edmonds, MOJO, August 1996

To R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe, she is "one of the premier artists of my lifetime – I’ve blindly stolen from her for years." To Bob Dylan, she is "still the best, you know." She is one of rock ‘n’ roll’s true originals, and on her return to the fray after eight years of joy and tragedy lived out of the public eye, Patti Smith grants Ben Edmonds the most revealing interview of her career.

PATTI SMITH IS IN FULL SWAGGER, WORKING THE ROXY Theatre stage in LA with relaxed authority. She takes the stage alone, wearing a shapeless warm-up jacket with hood tightly framing her face, to deliver a fiery reading of ‘Piss Factory’. With each succeeding song she adds band members until her musical complement is complete. Left-hand man Lenny Kaye and drummer Jay Dee Daugherty are Patti Smith Group confederates, while bassist Tony Shanahan has played with Kaye and John Cale (and backed Patti on some solo dates last autumn). This core trio is augmented by Patti’s 23-year-old poetry protege Oliver Ray on rhythm guitar and — seated stage left behind impenetrable shades and cradling his guitar like some old CBGB's bluesman — Tom Verlaine.

Smith has a couple of wild cards up her sleeve as well. She introduces Bob Neuwirth as "the person who encouraged me to sing and gave me my first start," after the legendary personage – Bob Dylan road companion, Jim Morrison babysitter, painter, filmmaker, composer of ‘Mercedes Benz’ for Janis Joplin – has sung a typically wonderful song called ‘I Don't Think Of Her’. "Bobby has a new CD out [Look Up on Watermelon Records] on which I appear," Patti announces. "It's available almost nowhere."

Her son Jackson, 13, appears plugged in and joins the troupe for a romp through – are you ready? – ‘Smoke On The Water’. Jack and guitar stand nose to nose with the amp, noodling noisily as Lenny Kaye sings Deep Purple's stirring lament for the tragic death by fire of recording equipment. Mom makes the most of her vocal cameo, belting out "Fire in the sky-eee" in the most godawful screech you've ever heard. It's a small glimpse of what the future might have held had Patti chosen to become the singer of Blue Oyster Cult (for whom she wrote songs) instead of setting off on her crusade to save the soul of rock'n'roll with The Patti Smith Group.

The band has a homemade, slightly ragtag quality that reminds this audience member of nothing so much as the earliest Patti Smith Group when it consisted of Patti, Lenny and Richard Sohl. That trio "toured" California in 1974 to "promote" ‘Piss Factory’, and you felt like you were watching something invent itself right before your eves. This mini "tour" follows almost exactly the same path, and once again you feel like you're watching something in the exhilarating process of becoming.

They attack a fair number of familiar songs – ‘Ghost Dance’, ‘Rock'N'Roll Nigger’, ‘Dancing Barefoot’ (although, curiously, nothing from Dream Of Life) – with gusto. The 10 shows opening for Bob Dylan last winter seem to have jump-started this aggregation's chemistry, and they're now also capable of moments of transcendence that rival anything Patti's bands have attained in the past. ‘About A Boy’, her meditation on the loss of Kurt Cobain, has grown from humble acoustic beginnings into an oceanic noisefield than tonight is staggering. And their ‘Wicked Messenger’ ranks with the great rock rearrangements of Dylan songs. It's a treat that such a thing remains possible in 1996.

The small acoustic shows and guest spots she's done sporadically over the past year have been tentative in tone and occasionally awkward. She is not – nor does she have the slightest inclination to be – the punk tornado who ripped through this room 20 years ago, when the Roxy was LA's premier showcase club, hosting legendary engagements by Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen and Bob Marley, and live recordings by Frank Zappa, Talking Heads, Warren Zevon and others. But she has certainly regained every bit of the belief that the space is hers to command.

The sold-out house is evenly divided between the older soldiers who served in the rock revolution Patti Smith heralded in the early '70s and those who wish they could have been there, having heard their own heroes like Michael Stipe say that were it not for Patti Smith he wouldn't exist. The R.E.M. singer has been all over MTV News this week, quoted as saying that Patti's show at the Wiltern Theatre a few days earlier had been not simply the greatest concert he'd ever seen, but one of the greatest emotional experiences of his life. *

THE PATTI SMITH RESUME: ARRIVED IN NEW YORK FROM New Jersey in 1967 and wrote herself a new identity in concert with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe; wrote plays like Cowboy Mouth with Pulitzer Prize winner Sam Shepard one line at a time, pushing a battered typewriter back and forth across a Chelsea Hotel tabletop in a game of attitude chess; published small press volumes of hallucinogenic verse inhabited by James Joyce, Johnny Ace, Jesus Christ, Harry Houdini, Joan of Arc, James Brown, Georgia O'Keefe, the Paragons and the Jesters, Picasso and Rimbaud and Bob Dylan's dog; wrote poems, profiles and record review reveries for Creem and Rolling Stone; put her big ideas into embryonic practice at her Rock'N'Rimbaud readings accompanied by guitarist Lenny Kaye at St Mark's Church, New York's new poetry nirvana; released ‘Piss Factory’ b/w ‘Hey Joe’ in 1974 on their own Mer Records, now regarded as one of the first shots fired in the punk/indie revolt (though at the time it was a shot barely heard in the next block); released in 1975 a debut album Horses, a parable in spoken word and song for the declaration of self that adolescents itchy to slip their skins will probably respond to for generations to come; sounded a clarion call with her amped-to-the-teeth Patti Smith Group that has been answered only in part by punk rockers, alterna-nerds and riot grrrls; fell from a Tampa, Florida stage in 1977 to a concrete floor 14 feet below, breaking her neck; came out of traction and back into action with ‘Because The Night’, a hit single co-written with Bruce Springsteen, yet always gave equal time to noisy improvisational epics like ‘Radio Ethiopia’ that were unplayable on any radio format (and guaranteed to scare the living piss out of anyone attracted by her Brucie ballad); announced her retirement from public life in the shadow of her biggest-selling album (Wave); and immediately following her biggest concert ever (85,000 in an Italian football stadium on September 10, 1979) quietly married former MC5 guitarist Fred 'Sonic' Smith in 1980, and moved to an unassuming Detroit suburb to raise a family. In the next decade she raised her head above the parapet only once, with her 1988 album Dream Of Life.

Since 1990, Patti has suffered the loss of four of her closest comrades. Her best friend Robert Mapplethorpe was claimed by AIDS. Her piano player (and, after Lenny Kaye, longest-serving musical ally) Richard Sohl succumbed to heart failure. Then in late '94 her husband, soulmate, and hero of so many of her best songs (‘Because The Night’, ‘Frederick’, ‘Dream Of Life’), Fred 'Sonic' Smith, suddenly passed away, a shock compounded by the death of her brother and crew manager Todd Smith only a month later.

The release of a new album, Gone Again, and a limited return to live performance is part of a plan she and Fred had mapped out before his untimely passing. Yet there's no denying that these activities have now become, at least in part, a memorial to all her fallen comrades. This mission was launched in earnest last December when, at the personal invitation of Bob Dylan, she opened 10 of his shows on the East Coast, a pairing he dubbed The Paradise Lost Tour.

"A lot of girls have come along since Patti started," Dylan told a Boston audience the first of many times they duetted on his song ‘Dark Eyes’. "But Patti's still the best, you know." Then he kissed her. *

DRIVING TO PATTI'S HOUSE, I WAS THINKING ABOUT something she had told me recently. The subject was her desire to play only those places where she'd been treated well. I wondered, then, what places this might disqualify.

"Detroit," she said without hesitation. "They've never been that supportive of our work. I don't think Fred got the support from the music community that he was entitled to. The radio stations knew who he was and what he'd done, and they should've tipped their hat to him. I guess I feel somewhat bitter about that. Not for me. I don't care; but it hurt Fred deeply."

Patti will soon be moving back to New York. This move is not unexpected. Detroit was where she came to make her life with Fred. It was his town, his family, his roots, and there's probably no place she can turn here and not be confronted by a reminder of her late husband.

This has got to be especially true of their home, which they bought, furnished, and within which they created a family. Patti and Fred even saved it together, sandbagging the place when torrential rains and a rising lake very nearly flooded them out. Because the family was so reclusive, all sorts of rumours circulated about their domestic refuge. One had them living in a sumptuous lakefront estate, another pictured them in utter sub urban tract home anonymity. Neither turns out to be accurate.

They're not on the lake, though they could most certainly see it if there weren't so many other houses in the way. They live in a normal middle-class neighbourhood where many of the smallish homes sport obvious additions to accommodate expanding families, resulting in houses that are a little too big for their modest plots but never quite big enough to contain all the kids' stuff which litters the porches and short driveways. Yet there's no doubting which is the Smith residence. It's easy to spot, being the only castle on the block. A small castle, to be sure, really no bigger than most of the surrounding homes, but a towered and turreted castle all the same.

Seen from the insight, the tower contains the winding staircase that leads to the upper floor. The house is sparsely though comfortably furnished, in casual boho. The usual family stuff is posted on the fridge and scattered about; handmade birthday and Mother's Day cards, postcards, school meeting notices. If it weren't for the guitars and amplifiers in the living room, you'd never know this was the lair of musicians. Where you might expect to find a portrait of some revered family elder hangs a picture of honorary uncle Allen Ginsberg.

Once past the idea of amps in the living room, the closest we get to rock'n'roll excess is an extravagant selection of teas. Oliver Ray brews some camomile for Patti, whose stomach is acting up.

At 48, Patti Smith's hair is unashamedly lashed with gray and worn in simple braids. Her interview demeanour is pretty much as it's always been. She considers each query carefully and answers at length, not looking at her interviewer but staring at some private point beyond the opposite wall, a safe place she always returns to. Though Patti is never at a loss for a forcefully expressed thought or opinion, whenever the conversation touches on her late husband – which is frequently – her voice falters and she has to bear down hard on her words to get them out.

I bring Tim Buckley's unreleased demo of the old folk tune ‘Wayfaring Stranger’ for Patti, and she talks about how the singer/songwriter was a favourite of Robert Mapplethorpe’s back in the early Brooklyn days, and chuckles when she recalls how she and her first partner in artistic crime would neck like high school kids to the Goodbye And Hello album. She was delighted when Jeff Buckley stopped by the recording sessions and added a high, ghostly vocal part to ‘Beneath The Southern Cross’, and even more delighted when he raced home and returned to the studio with an essrage, an Egyptian instrument he used to texture the track ‘Fireflies’.

You find yourself wanting to somehow crack the fog and get her to smile. During the second of our two interviews, conducted at her Michigan home, it is her eight-year-old daughter who unintentionally provides the cue. Patti is expounding on the divine bliss of parenthood when Jesse, who's been yakking to a friend in the other room, suddenly calls out, "Mommy, can I have a cellular phone?"

"No," Patti immediately shoots back, rolling her eyes at the cosmic timing of this interruption, and then dissolving into the best laugh I'd heard from her in a very long time.

In the words of one of those Irish poets, "the healing has begun." *

This album is unique for you in that it has so many solo songwriting credits.

Fred was giving me guitar lessons. He had taught me some chords, basically so I could write songs. We studied song structure and things I didn't know a whole lot about. He taught me enough on the guitar that, after a lot of practice, I could write simple songs. When he passed away...I just…um… I used to spend a lot of time by myself at night with the acoustic guitar just making up little songs. A lot of the songs on the record – ‘Farewell Reel’, ‘About A Boy’, ‘Raven’, ‘Dead To The World’, ‘Wing’ – were written that way late at night. They're all in waltz-time, 3/4, which is the only time signature we worked on so it's the only one I know.

The version of ‘About A Boy’ you played at the Roxy is already far beyond the album version.

That song has really grown in performance. It's the closest thing to anarchy – controlled anarchy – that we have right now, because we let the song completely open up at the end. I always like having a piece where everyone goes out but then returns. That was the beauty of John Coltrane, and what separated him from the noisemakers and indulgent jerk-offs. He would go out there and stay out there as long as he could, but he always returned. That's what we strive for.

When Kurt Cobain took his life, Fred and I were extremely disturbed about that. Both of us liked his work. We thought it was good for young people. I was happy that there was a new band I could relate to, and looked forward to watching them grow. He had a future. As parents, we were deeply disturbed to see this young boy take his own life. The waste, and the emotional debris he left for others to clean up.

I was also concerned how it would affect young people who looked up to him, or looked to him for answers. I guess that's the danger of looking to anyone else for answers, but I perceived that he had a responsibility. To himself, to the origin of his gifts, to his family, to the younger generation.

So I wrote the song for two reasons. One was as a well wish, even after what he did, that his continuing journey be beautiful. But it was also written with a certain amount of bitterness. The chorus says "About a boy/beyond it all." One way of looking at it is that he's beyond this particular plane of existence. But it's also a wry statement, a frustrated refrain. It relates to my sorrow for the various boys we've lost. Whether it be Jim Morrison or Brian Jones; any of these young, gifted, driven people who do feel they're beyond it all, that they can completely ravage and ruin their bodies or have no sense of responsibility to their position and their gifts. We all were pioneering some kind of freedom, but I don't think what's been done with it is all that constructive.

When you were that age how did you deal with those feelings?

All young people feel sometimes that they can't take it, that they'd rather die than get up out of bed. But there was always something that reminded me, it could be anything. The handiwork of man. I could be feeling totally desolate and then look at a beautiful prayer rug or a Picasso, and that would be enough to make me want to live. That's what other people's work did for me. When I say that The Rolling Stones got me through this, or Bob Dylan got me through that, they did. That in itself is a motivation for working. The act of creation is a beautiful thing. That belongs to the artist; he's got that moment of illumination, when a kernel of an idea erupts and blooms. But after he creates it, it ceases to be his. It's really for other people.

What brought you back to New York to record?

I love Electric Lady, which is where we cut Horses; it's intimate but highly developed. It's right on 8th Street, so you can walk out at three in the morning and there are people on the streets. It's a good energy. I don't require privacy and silence when I'm recording. It's the first recording studio I was ever in. The first time I ever went there was also the first rock'n'roll party I'd ever been to. Jane Friedman invited me to this party for Jimi Hendrix because he'd just opened the studio up. I was so excited because I'd never been in a recording studio before. But when I got there I was too nervous to go in, so I sat on the steps. Then Jimi came up the stairs. He was incredibly beautiful; tall, very... he was Jimi Hendrix, y'know? A great-looking man. But really shy. He came up the stairs and I was sitting there so he sat down next to me and just talked. He asked me why I wasn't going down and I told him I was too nervous. He said, "Me too, I'm too nervous to stay." Then he told me some of the things about the studio, and how he wanted to work on a more global kind of music. He said that he was going to London, but that when he came back he was gonna go up to Woodstock with new musicians and then bring them into Electric Lady to record. But of course he never came back from London... That was a great moment for me. So when Robert Mapplethorpe gave us money to do ‘Piss Factory’, even though it was not much money I had to go to Electric Lady.

The equipment has been updated, but it's got a lot of the same things – the late '60s psychedelic paintings and bad murals of Jimi Hendrix playing right-handed. It didn't really occur to me how cyclic it was until I was in the middle of it. I was standing by myself in the hallway looking at those murals, when I remembered standing in that same spot in 1975 and Robert Mapplethorpe taking a picture of me and John Cale. Lenny came out and stood next to me and said, "Amazing, isn't it?" It was like he could feel what I was feeling. The first time we were back in the studio, just hearing those Lenny guitar tones and Jay on the drums, it was so... from the subconscious. It triggered so many memories.

How was this one as a recording experience?

This album was both joyous and heartbreaking to do. We were 80 per cent done with the record and I had to stop. I couldn't take it any more because... I just really missed Fred. It was so difficult, and I was so emotionally depleted. So we stopped for a while. When we did that little mini-tour with Bob Dylan I was supposed to be finishing the record, but I still couldn't face it. But I got a lot of energy and positive feelings from the Dylan experience, and then we went in and completed the album. Those dates gave me my confidence back.

Do you know what made Bob reach out to you?

What I gleaned from Bob is that he felt it would be good for me to come back out, that he thought people should see me. I wouldn't presume to speak for him, but he has been so highly influential that he knows probably what it tasted like to be influential and then get shuffled around somewhere. I guess he felt I could use some encouragement.

We weren't prepared, but I wanted to do it so badly that we prepared ourselves practically on stage. I think we had about five hours of rehearsal. But all of us had pretty much played together, and we all pooled the things we could do. The first night was pretty shaky, but after that I felt like I was back in familiar territory. My mission on that small tour was to crack all the energy, crack the atmosphere and set the stage for him, to get the night as magic as possible, so that when he hit the stage – 'cos he hits a lot of them – that maybe it would feel a little more special. I think we did a pretty good job and I know that he was happy.

Had you been in touch with him over the years?

No, not really. I met him back in the '70s, before we even had a record deal. It was at the Other End on Bleecker Street in the Village. I was told he was in the audience, so I made a few obscure references that I knew the crowd wouldn't get, but would let him know that I knew he was there. It was kinda presumptuous, but that's the way I was then. I was thrilled that he was there, but I wasn't gonna let him know it. When he came backstage I was kinda snotty. "Any poets around here?" he said, so I said I wasn't into poetry anymore – Poetry sucks. Can you believe I said that? But he was very gracious, and even put his arm around me to have our picture taken. The next week it was in the Soho Weekly News, right on the cover, and seeing that was definitely one of my best moments ever. But it also made me kinda sad, 'cos I knew I hadn't treated him well and I felt like I'd kinda blown it, y'know?

A little while later, I was on 4th Street and I saw him walking toward me. I tried to shrink but he saw me anyway. And he was really nice. He pulled out that picture and said, "Who are these two people? Do you know them?" And he gave me this beautiful smile, just to let me know it was all right. So he's been incredibly generous and understanding toward me from the very beginning.

I've admired Bob Dylan since I was 15 years old; he's been an important part of my life for two-thirds of it now. So to have someone like that give you encouragement is... beyond words. [On the tour] we sang ‘Dark Eyes’ almost every night, and singing with him was just like being in heaven. I was so happy. I kept thinking…sometimes it made me think of Fred, because Fred really liked and admired Bob too. He often said that there were only two people that would be able to pull him out of his self-imposed retirement, Keith Richards and Bob Dylan. He'd say, "Now if Keith or Bob call and want me to play with 'em, I might have to come out." So how could I not answer the call? It was a great experience.

Do you still regard Bob with a fan's awe?

Meeting him again, I can't say I'm in awe of him. The way I relate to him at this point in my life is that he's a man that has a fine presence, a very noble presence. He's an extremely attractive man. When I talk to him I still feel sort of like a schoolgirl, but also like a friend and a colleague.

After Fred passed away, the record I most listened to for solace was Bob's album World Gone Wrong, which is all those great old blues and other songs from the trove of his knowledge. I listened to that almost continuously. Once again he helped me through a difficult time with his music. And then to have him reach out to me as a human being... I'll be forever grateful.

And this gave you the confidence to finish the record.

We'd pretty much recorded everything; most of the vocals on the record are the live vocals. It was just a question of pulling all the threads together and presenting the record. But I just... I just needed time to think about everything. We had pretty much everything cut except the title track ‘Gone Again’, which we did right before we came out here. That was Fred's last music and...um...I just wasn't able to...write the lyrics. And finally I…I marshalled my energies and did it. Lenny had a lot to do with making certain ‘Summer Cannibals’ and ‘Gone Again’ came to light. We had a lot of cassette tapes with Fred playing acoustic guitar or chanting or giving some direction...to me, 'cos he often made tapes like that so I could write lyrics. Lenny had to lovingly piece those songs together.

So many people haven't yet discovered Dream Of Life, which I think is your best album after Horses. People are going to be discovering that album for years.

I hope so, because it's the only real document we have of Fred's range, though it's still only a partial account. It's pretty much his album; I look at Dream Of Life as his gift to me. He wrote all the music, arranged everything, a lot of the song titles, the album title, the concept of the songs, especially ‘People Have The Power’, were all Fred's. I told him we should call it by both our names but he wouldn't. But he had promised me that on this album he would sing on it and we'd put both our names on it. So I was really looking forward... I thought this was going to be a great album because people would see his face, hear him sing, and he was getting interested in performing live again. But...ah...it didn't happen. Which has been the heartbreaking part of making this album for me.

There was one thing released under both your names: the atmospheric piece ‘It Takes Time’ that you did for the Wim Wenders film Until The End Of The World in 1990.

Thank you for remembering that one! I love to hear it, because Fred's reciting poetry. Again, that's almost entirely his piece. Not only did he write the music and some of the poetry, he actually dictated how he wanted me to read my parts. Oh yeah, we had some friction, some healthy friction, in the recording of that song. He was the suggester in the family. He was clearly the boss, although he liked to pretend that he wasn't...

How did you first meet him?

It was March 9, 1976, and we met in front of the radiator at that hot dog place, Lafayette Coney Island, in Detroit. The Sonic Rendezvous Band was opening for us, but I didn't know anything about him. Lenny introduced me to this guy. I heard that his name is Smith, and my name is Smith. We just looked at each other and I was completely taken by him. I had no idea who he was or anything about him until afterwards when Lenny told me. Lenny introduced me to him and said, "He's one of the great guitar players." I said, Perhaps you'll want to play with us tonight. And he said, "Maybe so." Then he left and I asked Lenny if he was really any good, and Lenny said, "The best". So I was playing with him that night, and I had a lot of bravado in those days. I didn't have respect for anybody. But I totally submitted to his reign. He came on the stage and started playing, and after a while I just set my guitar down and let it feed back. I just let him take over because I felt that I had met my match, that I had met the better man.

As I understand it, the original plan you'd developed with Fred called for you to begin re-emerging now anyway.

Yes. This would've happened. It was according to plan. A couple of years after Dream Of Life, Fred wanted us to go out with just a percussionist, Richard Sohl, him and I. It would have been more spoken art, more poetry with them doing interpretive things behind me. Fred really wanted to do that, but then Richard died suddenly. It really broke his heart, 'cos Fred was really close to Richard. So we withdrew from that idea.

Then, after a time he really felt it was time for me to walk back on stage. In his own way he had a somewhat competitive nature, and he was watching how the arena of female artists has really widened. The girls have done a great job. Now, I don't consider myself a female artist – I'm just an artist – but Fred had that bit of competitiveness. He wanted me to take a stand, I think. I actually was the one who was reticent. He felt it in me before I did.

We were gonna do pretty much what we're doing now: do a record, do dates in the summer, do things when we could. But he was... actually (her voice slows down)... looking forward to…that. So…

Are any of the songs from that period on this new album?

Two. I didn't do a lot of them, just because I couldn't. It was just too painful. Even doing those two... They're two rock songs. Fred really wanted me to do rock songs again. For all the knowledge and sophistication that Fred had acquired over the years as a musician, he always said there was always room for one more great rock song, and he never stopped trying to write it. It's just so happened to work out that the pivotal rock songs on the album are the two that Fred and I wrote together.

It's funny, but I really always wanted him to go back out. I would've been happy staying at home taking care of the kids. I really wanted the world to see him. I really loved his work, and I do regret that people didn't get to see his full range. But he was his own man, he did what he wanted. He wasn't a guy trapped in a family situation. He wanted a family deeply, and he committed himself to his family... to a fault, I think. He was a great father.

One of the main reasons that I'm able to feel no guilt, nothing but pride when I'm performing, is that I know he wanted me to do it. I never regretted my decision to stop performing. I spent the '80s studying and writing, and becoming a far more facile writer. I learned quite a bit about everything from sports to cooking, whatever I needed to learn at any given moment. And I really treasure those years. I didn't yearn for or regret the past. I didn't even think about it. I was too wrapped up in our present.

What I often did was to wake up early and write from five to seven or eight when the kids got up. I always allowed myself a time, and continued the work ethic that I had developed with Robert Mapplethorpe. No matter what was happening, even when we were sick, Robert and I always worked. Every day. It was sort of a pact we made, and I've kept to that.

I've learned that I don't need to smoke pot all night and then at three in the morning write my poem. I had to learn a whole different system of creation. If I have from five to seven to do my work, then that's when I'll do it. I've completely grasped the fact that it comes from within me, and I take it wherever I go. Whether I'm in a prison in French Guyana or in my laundry room. You don't have to be the victim of inspiration. I learned a lot of things from Fred...

The recent Mapplethorpe biography painted you as a prisoner of Fred's tyrannical whims.

Oh, please... I made a decision about the kind of life I wanted to live. I made it, and I have never even once – never! – regretted making it. I mean, I missed my friends, I missed the camaraderie of the band, I missed certain things. Even though sometimes it was difficult, to me it was a privilege to be with him. I only regret that he's gone. I don't regret nothing else.

It was a treat to see Bob Neuwirth at your Roxy show.

I met Bobby around 1969 at the Chelsea Hotel. I was still kinda hoping to be a painter at that time, but it was beginning to become clear to me that it wasn't my beat and so I was writing quite a bit. I was in the lobby of the Chelsea and I had a notebook. "Hey poet," I remember him saying. "Well, you look like a poet. Do you write like one?" Defiant, very challenging. I thought, Whoah, Bob Neuwirth! He was in Don't Look Back. That's his leg on the cover of Highway 61 Revisited! So I gave him my notebook, and he read it and actually thought about it. He took me under his wing. He was a bit older than me, and really like a brother. He was very kind to me, but tough too. He taught me a lot, and helped me start to develop some sense of myself as a writer. At the same time he introduced me to a world that I hadn't been privy to. He introduced me to all kinds of people – Janis Joplin, the Grateful Dead – and introduced me in a way that they treated me respectfully.

After that I met Sam Shepard and he was the same way. He really felt that I was a good writer. He encouraged me to the point of conceit, nearly. He really made me feel good about myself, and made it seem important that I keep writing. He and Bobby did a lot to instill in me not only the desire to keep writing, but they made me feel that I was a writer. That's an important step. I had always felt different from other people, a misfit and an alien, but I never really gleaned myself as being special. Other people seemed to pull it out of me, whether it was Robert Mapplethorpe, Sam Shepard or Bobby Neuwirth. I've been very lucky in my life to have people perceive something in me that I didn't always perceive in myself.

When I called your hotel in San Francisco, you were out and they told me that Todd Rundgren had come by with his kids to pick up yours. That seemed like another nice full circle.

Yes. He was very important to me in those early New York days too. I think it was Bobby Neuwirth who introduced me to Todd. And Todd had been so good to Jackson. He let Jack play this beautiful Gibson of his on stage, and then let him take it on the rest of the tour. Todd's another person who really encouraged me. Todd actually thought I had a future as a comedian. I did too.

You mean we almost had Patti Lee Smith in stand-up comedy?

I had that daydream for years. I used to pretend that I went on the Johnny Carson show. He really liked me, and then he got sick and asked me to take over the show until he got better. And I did so well that when Johnny retired he gave me his show. It was one of my favourite daydreams. I still make use of my Johnny Carson studies, as you've probably realised. All the sparring I do, being able to take what hecklers dish out and one-up them, is from years of studying Johnny.

I wasn't really a '60s person. I had lived a fairly sheltered life in South Jersey. I came to New York in 1967, but I lived with Robert Mapplethorpe in Brooklyn. I spent that time working to be an artist or supporting Robert, and I really didn't go through all those '60s changes. I wasn't really involved in the political scene. I was frightened by the '60s, really. The masses of people and all the assassinations and the drug culture and the war in Vietnam...I found all of this overwhelming.

The one positive thing is that I did get a sense of the collective, that there was some sort of unspoken unity thing happening. Even though I was chronologically the same age, I felt younger because I was a bit behind. So I observed it from a slightly different perspective. What I like about it was how it produced its own networking tools, whether publications like Crawdaddy, Creem and Rolling Stone, or underground radio. Number one, of course, was the music itself, which was something new. Generations before us went wild over Benny Goodman or Frank Sinatra, but they didn't necessarily say anything. But our music was in concert with who we were.

So I did learn some good lessons from the '60s. I looked at the best of it, and what I thought would happen is that the '70s would come along and be even better. But then what I saw was the people losing interest, becoming more self-oriented, and I was very concerned. I was sort of disappointed with my own people. I didn't like what I saw, and that inspired me to do the kind of work that I did.

I understand it was Lenny and your brother Todd who helped you through the desolate time after Fred passed away.

Between Lenny and my brother, they wouldn't let me get too deep down. The minute Fred passed away, my brother got on a plane and came out. He devoted the rest of his life – which only turned out to be one month – to getting me back on my feet. Todd was one of those workaholic types who work around the clock and never take vacations, but he left work immediately and came and stayed with me.

Then at Thanksgiving we all went back to my parents', and I was having an extremely difficult time. We always went back to New Jersey for Thanksgiving, and this was the first time without Fred in 16 years. I could hardly even rise in the morning. So Toddie came in and said, "C'mon babe, get dressed," and he made me get in the car. He rolled down the windows – he actually had a car where you had to roll down the windows! –and put on a cassette of the Natural Born Killers soundtrack. Our song ‘Rock'n'Roll Nigger’ is on that, and he turned it up as loud as he could get it, and we drove around to all our old hangouts and the places we used to play when we were kids.

Todd really loved that song, and he played it over and over, singing at the top of his lungs. He was going, "You're gonna be all right. You're gonna get back to work. Fred wanted you to and you're gonna do it and I'm gonna help you do it. Even if I have to quit my job to go on the road with ya, we're gonna pull everything up." He was so full of energy and love and enthusiasm that he made it difficult to disbelieve him. I wasn't familiar with that soundtrack, and he said, "There's another little song on it you'll like." So we parked in front of Hoedown Hall and Thomas's Field where we used to play, and this song came on. It was Bob Dylan singing "See the pyramids along the Nile..." [‘You Belong To Me’]. Fred used to sing that song to me, and I sat there and cried listening to Bob sing it. We had been talking about Dylan and how great he was; again, Toddie would have loved being a part of that tour.

We talked and talked, and he stayed for another couple of days. He wouldn't let me not feel good; it was his mission. He said, "We're gonna spend Christmas together and we're gonna get back on our feet." Todd went back to Virginia, and right after that he suffered a stroke and passed away. Which isn't at all uncommon on my side of the family. It was really terrible, but after the shock of losing him I found that he had made me feel so good, and had brought up my spirits so much, that I made a decision. Since his last mission in life had been to get me feeling good, I wasn't going to have his mission be in vain. So even now when I feel... you know... I just think about that.

You have to let your loved ones go, even as you cherish their spirit as you move forward. Which is difficult, but very important. Then, because of the kind of person I am, I also feel it is my mission to do something in their honour. Like I keep working and collaborating with Robert. [The Coral Sea, her tribute to Mapplethorpe featuring many of his photographs, will soon be published by W.W. Norton.] I have many things to do for Fred, not only in terms of work but of course the lifelong mission of watching over our children. With my brother, my mission is to feel good, be happy and do my work. So in those ways…as deeply as I miss all of their earthly presences, they're still around. Very much around.

"Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine" is a line that will forever be associated with you. How do you view it now?

I wrote that line when I was 20 years old. A lot of people misinterpreted it as the statement of an atheist, somebody who doesn't believe in anything. I happen to believe in Jesus. I never said he didn't exist. I only said that I didn't want him to take responsibility for my actions. Because I was young, I perceived myself as an artist, and the artist as a sort of cerebral criminal. I wanted the freedom to pursue all the things I imagined. Things within my art, not in life. In my art, I wanted the right to be misguided, misdirected, slightly criminal, utterly promiscuous, even a murderer. Within the realm of my work. I didn't want to be weighed down with such a conscience that I couldn't trample the earth, every junkyard and every cloud. I wanted to be free of conscience. I wanted free rein.

Over the years I got into studying Christ, reconsidering Him in Pasolini terms: Christ as revolutionary, a person who felt akin to our people. I found, as I got older and studied deeper, His roles, His ideals, His philosophies a lot more interesting. To the point that at our last show in Florence in '79, which was the last time I did that version of ‘Gloria’, I sang, "Jesus died for somebody's sins, why not mine?" I probably would not sing that original line now. Not because I think there's anything wrong with it, just because I don't identify with it now.

You always operated from the belief that rock'n'roll was a force for good. With all that's happened in the culture, do you still think that? Or has this belief in some way been perverted?

Well... I think everything gets perverted. But I'm not really concerned with how it gets perverted up in the mainstream, because that's business. I don't have the time or energy to pioneer against big business at this point in my life. Young people can do that.

I like the way young people are interacting globally. I like the alternative networking they're doing. I'd like to see them develop that, and start seeing what they can do collectively to better our situation on the planet. This planet is in deep trouble. What are we seeing? A resurgence of communicable diseases like tuberculosis, we have AIDS; the whole planet is becoming very viral. I'm not saying we can stop it, but only we can reduce all of these things.

Is music the same energy source for kids today that it was for us, or is it even possible that it can be?

I think there's so much stuff now. Look when we grew up. When I was a kid TV was black and white and there were three stations. They only had cartoons on Saturday morning. The records would come out, it's a big album, you have a big record player, you go home and put it on the record player, you sit and listen to it and really digest what the music’s saying. It was its own experience.

Music is still a powerful force – if you have a powerful individual – but I think it's a lot more convoluted now, if that's the right word.

You and Fred talked about not doing anything for personal gain, that it would have to benefit someone else. How do you reconcile that with everything that's happening now?

With this little tour we're not making any money; we're pretty much breaking even. We did a benefit for an AIDS hospice in San Francisco, and benefits will continue to be a big part of our agenda. I have to get back on my feet, truthfully. If it starts building and things go well, I look forward to a time where I never have to take a cent for hitting the stage. I'm watching people in rock'n'roll make millions and millions of dollars. I see a lot of my friends who've gotten extremely prosperous, and I think they should be doing a lot more. I don't mean giving an autographed guitar to charity. I mean, if you already have $20 million in the bank, take 10 million and find the people that are doing the strongest AIDS research and just give it to 'em. I would encourage performers to take the money they make on stage and give it to the people who need it.

When you first came around the mission was to keep alive and free a certain rock'n'roll spirit. Is the mission this time about this different, though related, spirit? The responsibility that comes with freedom?

I think so. A lot of the things we attempted to do in the '70s were accomplished. Like T.S. Eliot said, each generation translates for itself. I done what I was supposed to do when I done it. It's not my place to do it now. I wouldn't even know how to. All I know is that the planet is full of hands needing to be helped, and I'm trying to see what I can do to get things motivated in a new way. I still think it has to be revolutionary. We still need to redesign stuff.

People are making comeback tours and farewell tours, they're going on Unplugged and they're picking up their lifetime achievement awards. But what are they really doing? I think we've gotten way too cute with all these tons of awards we're giving to each other. Too much bullshit, too much cute stuff. The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. It's another money machine. I did appear at one of those to induct the Velvet Underground. I did that out of respect to the Velvets, and because that recognition meant something to them. But I feel about the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame pretty much the way Fred did: that we should be ashamed. The spirit should be the museum.

‘Piss Factory’ is still one of your more resonant works. But those women you described with such disdain – "these bitches are just too lame to understand/too God damn grateful to get this job to know they're getting screwed up the ass" –with all you've lived since, I'm wondering how you'd regard them now?

Oh, I'd be a lot more compassionate now. Not necessarily for their stupidity, because some of their rules and codes I would still rail against. But being hard-working women... maybe their husband's dead, or their husband took off and they've got six kids to look after. So yes, much more empathy, compassion. Much more respect.

When I was younger, I really felt completely there for the misfit, the person outside society. Artists, and people on the fringes, whether because of their philosophies or sexual persuasion or politics. And I still feel akin to those people, 'cos I'm still one of them. But I've been through so much... life – being a mother, being a widow, being a laundress, all the things I do – that I definitely feel more empathy, a more common bond with people. When I was younger I had so much intensity that it got to the point where I felt I was in a whole other realm. I don't feel that so much – I feel a lot more human these days.

© Ben Edmonds 1996

Michael Stipe on Patti

UNLIKE THE OTHER GUYS IN THE BAND, WHEN WE started I didn't have any particular understanding of the standard history of the pop format, so I pretty much learned as I went along. I had virtually no musical background. I pretty much ignored music until I was about 15 years old, and at the high school that I went to – which was in Illinois in the very heart of middle America – heavy metal ruled. My parents listened to Gershwin, Mancini, Wanda Jackson and the soundtrack to Dr Zhivago. That's all I heard.

I accidentally got a subscription to the Village Voice when I was 15. Right about that time – middle to late 1975 – they were talking about this thing that was going on in New York with Television and Patti Smith and the Ramones and CBGB's. I distinctly remember the November 1975 issue of Creem magazine. Someone had left a copy in study hall under a chair. It had a picture of Patti Smith, and she was terrifying looking. She looked like Morticia Addams. And I think it was Lester Bangs or Lisa Robinson writing about punk rock in New York and how all the other music was like watching colour movies, but this is like watching static-y black and white TV. And that made incredible sense to me. I read about those bands before I ever heard them, and it just sounded so amazing.

Horses, the first Patti Smith album, came out soon afterwards and it pretty much tore my limbs off and put them back on in a different way. I was 15 when I heard it, and that's pretty strong stuff for a 15-year-old American middle-class white boy, sitting in his parents' living room with the headphones on so they wouldn't hear it. It was like the first time you went into the ocean and got knocked down by a wave. It killed. It was so completely liberating. I had my parents' crappy headphones and I sat up all night with a huge bowl of cherries listening to Patti Smith, eating those cherries and going. Oh, my God!... Holy shit!... Fuck!... Then I was sick.

© Michael Stipe 1996

[save-the-data]

My Top Ranking 30 BL’s couples of the year 2022...

Whilst compiling this list I noticed a few similarities between the couples chosen; that being not many “gay panic” or “closeted gays” like in previous years In fact a lot of these characters were either established gay characters from the first episode, as well as less of the “gay for only him” troupe. Most of these couples were in a supporting, not necessary toxic relationship, with not a cheating plot in sight but some miscommunication and stupid decisions for drama, Another difference is the setting, from high-school aged boys to business men in suits. We are finally getting good older male characters and storylines. But overall the reason for the top couples came down to chemistry between the actors and how supportive each couple was towards each other in their own carved out world. 

Note 1: eligibility for the list is the drama had to be completed by the end of 22. Note 2: Only the top 5 are ranked, the others are mentions. 

Vee x Mark (Love Mechanics). 

It’s Love Mechanics. It’s YinWar. It’s Vee and Mark as characters that came to life. Enough said, waited two years and finally they had their moment. Now quickly give Yin and War another drama, either as a pairing or solo work. 

Tarntatch x Lomnaw (2 Moons 3: The Ambassador)

A very big surprise, considering was going to skip the drama since it seemed like every other run-of-the-mill Thai BL, however not the characters of Tatch and Lom who made the drama. Tatch, in particular I loved as a character cause although he was put on a pedestal for being handsome he is actually very insecure and spends most of the time getting Lom to see his self-worth and supporting him. Not to mention the boys flirting game was on point and when drama did come in the form of Lom’s cousin disapproval both were like “well we don’t care” and just continued to live in bliss in their own world. Relationship goals. 

Thian x Jiu (To Sir, with Love)

This was a soap-opera in name; with OTT acting, very dramatic storylines and cartoonish villainy but what made the drama was the chemistry between the two leads and the best sibling-love-bromance ever in a drama. The drama was carried with the grounded love story between our star-crossed lovers. Rumour has it that the actors will be pairing again in something darker in the new year, hopefully this is true. 

Ploeng x Yu (My Coach)

They might have only been supporting characters, but damn if I didn’t love their story and easily one the best coming out scenes in the Thai BL history. Once again this was a couple that came to the realisation of their feelings naturally and slowly progressed into a relationship. There was a little bit of a nudge nudge wink wink with the green-eyed-monster but overall the way Ploeng just announces to the team and whole world he is in love with Yu, like its no big deal, is my favourite moment of the year. 

Kamol x Kim (Unforgotten Night)

This final position was hard, cause so many good dramas could have gone here. Let’s start with Unforgotten Night, which was a hot disaster but like a car crash happening couldn’t advert my attention and naturally my love for the characters, storyline and actors made me love this drama. Couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve re-watched this during the year (too many). 

Jang Jae Young x Chu Sang Woo (Semantic Error)

Another country that delivered on this year was South Korea, between Blueming, To My Star 2 and Happy Ending Romance, to name but a few it was a hard choice but ultimately the script and chemistry of the co-stars made Semantic Error stand out, ever slightly. What Korean BL’s are known for is storytelling, and Semantic Error did that the best and also chef kiss to the height difference. . 

Nozue x Togawa (Old Fashion Cupcake)

Japan BL’s are best known for their authentic slice-of-life storylines (and melancholy in some cases) and that was on display with Old Fashion Cupcake. They also win with more mature-themed BL’s like office romance and older couples. Everything about this drama from the pining, to the realisation, to the acceptance was beautifully shot and acted. Such is this polished miniseries that left you wanting more. 

Tlemai x K (Nha Harn the Series) White x Sean (Not Me)  Yok x Dan (Not Me) Mon x So (Our Days) Nuea x Toh (Secret Crush on You) Khaojao x Sky (Secret Crush on You) Phob x Phat (Something in My Room) Vee x Dome (You’re My Sky) Yuma x Sakura (Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai) Kang Seo Joon x Han Ji Woo (To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories) Vegas x Pete (KinnPorshce) Xu Qi Zhang x Ye Guang (About Youth) Hyeong Da Un x Cha Siwon (Blueming) Koichi x Mitsuru(Eien no Kino) Kevin x Pluem (Ghost Host, Ghost House) Han Tae Young x Cha Jung Woo (Happy Ending Romance) Takara x Amagi (Takara-kun to Amagi-kun) Prapai x Sky (Love in the Air) Akk x Ayan (The Eclipse) Sho x Maito (Why You...Y Me) Nut x Neung (The Miracle of Teddy Bear) Jung Woo x Choco (Choco Milk Shake) Yashiro x Kenta (Kamisama no Ekohiiki)

[prideoftheknights]

SPRING TROUPE 10TH PLAY: MOON TRAVELER — ムーン・トラベラー 【CHAPTER 6】

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | MASTERLIST | NEXT CHAPTER

translation under the cut!

Citron: I worked hard at practice and now I'm hungry...

Izumi: Omi said he's going to make pasta for dinner tonight. He's making napolitan and some hot and spicy arrabbiata too.

Sakuya: Really!?

Chikage: I'm looking forward to it.

Tsuzuru: I'm glad that Fushimi-san makes our favourite foods during rehearsals as a way of cheering us on.

Izumi: Last time he made kata yakisoba, right?

Guy: Good work so far.

Izumi: Oh? Guy-san?

Guy: I've got a package from Zafra.

Citron: Oh! It came early!

Sakuya: Wow, what a huge box!

Guy: There's another box, I'll go and get it.

Citron: That box is very heavy. Chikage and I will go get it.

Guy, you stay here and hand out the contents of this box!

Guy: Understood.

Izumi: Ah! This is the candy that I liked, isn't it?

Sakuya: What's this over here?

Guy: It is a health product. You can massage your back with it.

Tsuzuru: T-This works way too well...!

Chikage: It's heavy. What's in it?

Citron: It's a special gift for Chikage.

Chikage: ?

Chikage: The size of this box is the same as the one we just saw.

Citron: Let's carry it! Prepare yourself or you might get a surprised hip!

Chikage: You mean a slipped disc.

Well I suppose...... The weight of this box, it's about the same as a book? I'm hoping it's spice though.

Citron: Drumroll... Boom shaka laka!

Chikage: A book and spice...... so it was both.

Citron: As expected of Chikage.

Chikage: Ah, this is the spice I was wondering about.

Citron: Mix it with honey to care for your throat.

Chikage: That's perfect for rehearsals right now. I'll give it a try once it's over.

And this book......

Citron: This is a novel version of the movie that was the motif for this play.

Chikage: The version of it in Zafran is rare. This is my first time seeing it.

Citron: It's an ancient book, so I had a hard time finding it, but it's a gift to commemorate your lead role.

Chikage: Thank you. I hope I'll be able to read it with my knowledge of the language.

Citron: 《......The Chikage right now should have no problem with that.》

《You had no problem with daily conversation when we first met, but now you're as close as you can get to a native speaker.》

Chikage: 《I'm honoured to be able to receive approval from the Minister.》

Citron: 《......Why is it that Chikage knows the languages of so many different countries?》

Chikage: 《Is that your question?》

Citron: 《Yes.》

《I've studied many languages for diplomatic reasons since I was a kid, but it's hard to master them all.》

《If it were a language spoken in many countries, it would be better. But Zafran is a minor language that you can only use in Zafra.》

《You're also familiar with the languages of other countries, right?》

《If it's alright with you, I'd like to know if Chikage's power is simply a natural talent, or if it has to do with his roots.》

Chikage: 《......》

《I suppose my upbringing is a big part of it.》

《In the town where I was born, people from all over the world gathered together.》

《We shared a common language, but we all had different roots, and we cherished them.》

《People with the same roots spoke in their mother tongue, so I grew accustomed to hearing it, and they were happy to teach it to me if I asked them.》

《Of course learning a new language is always a struggle, but I think that's why I'm better at it than others.》

Citron: 《Oh? Then, out of all the languages you've experienced, which one do you find the most interesting?》

Chikage: 《Each of them are interesting in their own way, but right now I think I'd say the languages of Northern European countries.》

《There are many words that are pronounced similarly to those in Japanese, but have completely different meanings.》

《For example, 'rabbit' sounds like 'crab' in Japanese.》 [1]

Citron: 《Crabs are rabbits? How interesting!》

《Then, how do you say 'dream' in their language?》

Chikage: 《Dream, huh...... If I'm not mistaken it's ––》

Citron: Thanks for answering my question! I'm going to use that word you taught me a lot so I don't forget it!

Chikage: I don't think you'll find the opportunity to use that word often.

Citron: ––Chikage.

Chikage: ?

Citron: 《It was nice to learn a little more about the current Chikage's roots today. We may not be in our home countries right now, but let's cherish our roots nevertheless.》

Chikage: ––

Citron: Goodnight.

Chikage: ......Goodnight.

Izumi: Good morning.

Chikage: Morning. Is that tumeric?

Izumi: I just wanted to prepare today's dinner.

Chikage: You can also use the spices that Citron gave me the other day.

Izumi: Good idea!

In the recent rehearsals, I've noticed that Roberto's performance is slowly getting better. Kind of like he's lost some of is power, or like he's become more honest.

Fufu, it must be the effect of Spring Troupe's Q&A showing, right?

Chikage: Hmm, I wonder.

But I was thinking if it might be better if the people involved with his character were to think things like, 'I don't know what this guy is thinking.'

Izumi: That's a good point but......

The way that Roberto tries to understand those around him, and how they slowly unify for the success of the project...

I think the audience will sympathise with that.

Chikage: I see.

Izumi: So, do continue your 'role study' as you have been please.

Chikage: My role study, huh.

Izumi: Speaking of which, have you chosen a name for the alien species?

Chikage: I've been giving it a lot of thought, but can't seem to make up my mind. I was just thinking that it's about time to get everyone's opinion too.

Izumi: Fufu, it's rare to see Chikage-san so troubled. I'm looking forward to the name you came up with.

[1]: Rabbit in Finnish is 'kani'. crab in Japanese is カニ 'kani'

24/03/23 update! Chikage is speaking Finnish which is a language of Northern Europe rather than a Scandinavian language. I've edited the lines and footnotes accordingly!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | MASTERLIST | NEXT CHAPTER

[joshay98]

Day 551 - 557 (1 year, 187 - 193 days)

Heya! Hope you had a great week! Mine has been really good. Played some Don't Starve Together on the side. Thanks GeForce. ^^

Anyway new thursday, new traveling spirit!

The Faceless Actor... oh sorry, I mean the Admiring Actor from the Season of Rhythm. For some reason the devs just forgot to either put the mask closer or give the spirit a face. Either way there is a giant gap there.

But luckily this doesn't affect you! So this spirit costs a total of 135 candles. On the cheaper side considering they have some of the most sought after pants in the game. Also the wing buff doesn't seem to cost ascended candles. Apparently a left over from a previous bug. With this I also have 188 winged light. I will get there!

They come with a music sheet, a mask and pants!

The mask is a really long beak. Not sure which bird it represents but it definitely would work for something like a plague doctor outfit. I probably say this about every bird mask...

And the highlight, fancy pants. They remind me of the Troupe Greeter pants, from the same season. But those have more floof to them so I prefer those. If you play this game you will have definitely seen Ikemen, or the "cool kids", wear the Admirer pants. They are the get go pants for tall skykids. And they are definitely worth getting. They have a blue color scheme so they don't work with everything. But a must have for any player out there.

Overall just getting the emotes and pants alone are worth it. The mask and music sheet play second fiddle her.

Now then there is another thing that happend today.

The Days of Rainbow area has finally reached all all eight colors. When the shrines are all lit you get a small cutscene and a way to get launched really high into the sky.

There you find a rainbow and an island. The big reward for this event! It is genuinely a gorgeous view from up there. Outside of orbit this might be the highest place in Sky.

This place doesn't have much to do, outside of a candle cake being here but for the experience alone it's worth it. The night sky with the stars, actually being so far up you can see the curve. My favourite part is the rainbow circle which you can ride on. The music that plays there is such an amazing track. I got genuine Super Mario Galaxy vibes from this all.

And during all that your skykid turns on their RGB keyboard and switches between all the colors. I imagine flying with eight people must be gorgeous. ^^

This has been such an amazing day for me. The traveling spirit, the event, tomorrow I will have enought tickets for the dark rainbow cape and on monday the last season quest unlocks.

I genuinely can't wait. I will definitely see you! :D

[boogiewoogieweeb]

for ship and fandom asks: 14, 15, 27? 😇

LILY! 💖 thank you very much for the ask! it's always a pleasure seeing you in my notifs and my dms! 😘

14. What ship did you like immediately?

hmmm, a ship i liked immediately... whenever i engage with new media, i generally take a while to warm up to any potential ships. i might note dynamics on the first watch, but i rarely ever start out shipping a pairing before i've finished my first watch/read/listen of something. that being said, i guess two ships come to mind for this: fitzier and bagginshield.

fitzier because i saw gifsets of jared and tobias floating past my dash one day and thought, that can't possibly be as tragic and intriguing as it looks! and then it was :) and bagginshield, because i have eyes that can see and a heart that yearns (also, richard armitage said gay thorin rights).

15. What ship took a long time for you to like?

i honestly can't think of one. i'm pretty straightforward when it comes to my shipping preferences. either i find the dynamic between two characters interesting, or i don't. and that's 98% of what i base my shipping preferences on (the remaining 2% doesn't have to make sense anywhere else other than in my heart). i don't think there's ever been a pairing or a ship that i initially disliked (or was at the very least ambivalent to) that i ever got around to liking. 🙈

27. What is your favorite fanfic troupe?

i'm going to assume this is meant to be trope, since i don't have a favourite fanfic troupe (although, there should definitely be one! a fanfiction troupe that reads fanfic out loud at cons and events like a group of traveling minstrels sounds amazing, tbh).

what was i saying? ah yes. if it's a question of my favourite fanfic trope, i think i would have to say requited unrequited love. i am, at heart, someone very much in love with the idea of love, and so for me, getting to see my favourite characters' feelings being returned when they thought their love an impossibility always leaves me an emotional mess. is it sappy? yes. am i an incurable romantic? possibly. but damn if it isn't the one trope that manages to hit me in the feels without fail, each and every time.

[thewidowstanton]

The Widow's Best of 2023

Jane Hobson 2023: Following such a desperate year for so many in the world this quotation by Nietzsche seems pertinent. "We have art in order not to die of the truth." So, in an effort to uplift whoever might read this, here's a somewhat curtailed list of a few of our favourite things we've seen this year. It wasn't the hottest time for live shows; we walked out of five! One every few years, maybe, but five! Disappointing. However we still managed to find some wonderful things, not all of them new. Let's begin with…

MOST SPECTACULAR: Phelim McDermott's Akhnaten at the London Coliseum. We'd been asked so many times: "Have you seen Akhnaten?" No, we hadn't but now we have and, OK, it's a Philip Glass opera (pictured above and below) but really, with a set by Tom Pye and costumes by Kevin Pollard it's a full-on feast for the senses, with the ever-inventive Gandini Juggling, choreographed by Sean Gandini, doing what they do best.

Jane Hobson BEST CIRCUS SHOW: Cirque Le Roux's thrilling and ambitious Entre Chiens et Louves – staged at Le Bon Marché department store in Paris (take note Selfridges) – took our breath away even without the sublime Lolita Costet in the cast; and Circa's Humans II at the Queen Elizabeth Hall at London's Southbank Centre.

COMPANY TO WATCH: Hoops Désolé! A “crazy” six-strong troupe of artists drawn from the circus school in Quebec, Cirque du Soleil and Cirque Éloize.

Emma Kauldhar BEST DANCE: Wayne McGregor’s Woolf Works at London’s Royal Opera House, with the mesmerising Alessandra Ferri, who at 59 was the same age as Virginia Woolf when she died. Another dancer with astonishing longevity is the Spanish Lucía Lacarra, now 48, who appeared in the Ballet Icons Gala at the London Coliseum.

BEST SHOWBIZ MEMOIR: Walking Through Walls by performance artist Marina Abramović; Do It For Your Mum by Roy Wilkinson, then manager of his brothers' band British Sea Power.

MOST TERRIFYING: He's done some daring things in his time and on World Circus Day Hungarian high-wire artist Laci Simet performed a sensational walk across the River Danube – 40 metres up in the wind – with only a balance pole to keep him safe.

BEST FILM: German film Afire or Roter Himmel by Christian Petzold (he’ll never let you down); Babak Jalali’s Fremont, set in a fortune cookie factory; and the Mexican film The Empty Hours directed by Aarón Fernández.

BEST ARCHIVE PIC: Josephine Baker and Dalida at L’Olympia music hall in Paris in 1968. A legendary pair!

LONGEST-SERVING FEMALE DJ: Texan Mary McCoy, who at 85 has been on the air for almost 72 years, and entered the Guinness Book of Records.

BEST DESERT ISLAND DISCS CASTAWAY: Actor/comedian/writer and so on, Adrian Edmondson; snooker star Ronnie O’Sullivan.

MOST INSPIRING: The Maricarmen dance school in Chorrillos, south of Lima, in Peru, run by retired dancer Maria del Carmen Silva, offers free classes to girls of all abilities from low-income areas.

BEST DOCUMENTARY: Never Be a Punching Bag for Nobody by indie rock musician Naomi Yang; My Indiana Muse, in which artist Robert Townsend discovers his Kodachrome muse, Helen.

FOND FAREWELL: Actor David McCallum, who, as The Man from U.N.C.L.E.’s Illya Kuryakin was an enduring heartthrob for a certain generation of girls and women. Closer to home the UK lost its leading circus director, Phillip Gandey (above), at 67, whose shows – including Cirque Surreal, The Chinese State Circus and The Lady Boys of Bangkok – were always far and away the most creative and exciting; and The Circus of Horrors – a show I reviewed more times than any other, except perhaps Cirque du Soleil – lost its co-creator and frontman, Doktor Haze (below) at 66. Along with Gerry Cottle, they were notable as two of the nicest circus men I met during my reviewing years, and are greatly missed.

LAST WORD: It wouldn't be a Widow Stanton 'Best of' without some showgirls. This picture was taken by the Argentinian photographer Luisita Escarria, who with her sister Chela, documented all the artists appearing in revues in Buenos Aires from 1958 to 2009. Their story and wondrous archive might have been lost had it not been rescued by filmmakers Sol Miraglia and Hugo Manso. Their documentary Foto Estudio Luisita will warm your heart… and fortunately both the sisters lived long enough to see it.

Compiled by Liz Arratoon

[ridestomars]

when lana del rey sang "wrap you up in my daisy chains" she was talking about eddie and flower child!reader, and i'm dead serious about this. being so opposite to each other – the og metalhead and the hippie lovechild – eddie never thought he would fall for the oh-so-sweet y/n, but the moment he saw they standing up for his protegé, dustin, something just snapped. when did someone who wore mismatched tie-dyes and flowers in their hair start to look so beautiful? especially when they're angry? next thing he knew, he was practically begging dustin to introduce the two of you. what? maybe you like metallica too... 

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

The Magic Reveal fic we deserve, in which Merlin gets as angry as he deserves to get:

Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE a magic reveal with a Merlin who feels bad about lying. I love a reveal with Arthur being furious and Merlin crying but then they talk it out and all is well. I think it's pretty in-character for Merlin to want to see Arthur come to his own conclusions about magic, without being influenced by Merlin’s opinions

BUT I also kinda wanna see Merlin get angry? Like, why should he feel bad about hiding himself in a kingdom where "himself" gets him nothing but a pyre?? Yeah, he and Arthur are close, but unless you've lived with a secret like that (one that will get you shunned, hated, or even killed) then, and I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, it doesn't matter How Close you are with someone, how certain you are that they would never hurt you, or care either way, it will almost ALWAYS be scary to tell them. So like. Let Merlin get angry:

I'd say Arthur has been king for maybe a year at this point. He's still a new monarch, still a lot on his plate, BUT also still plenty of time for him to have repealed the ban on magic, or at least started working on it.

But he hasn't.

Granted he hasn't executed anyone in a while (banishments and prison time are the norm, executions are only used nowadays for high treason). BUT the law still remains, it's still technically punishable by death, to be a sorcerer.

Arthur and Merlin have little hunting trips, when Arthur is getting too stressed and losing too much sleep, when he trains the knights too hard and snaps at even Gaius, Merlin (or sometimes even Leon, if they're both being grumpy arseholes) insists that they leave the city for a day or more, to go hunting.

The council have been told it's so the King can keep up with his fitness, can keep familiar with his lands, and keep his skills sharp (he only has enough time to train with the knights a couple times a week nowadays, a far cry from the several hours he used to do every morning without fail), and that keeps them satisfied.

The Gang (the Knights, Gwen, Gaius, and Morgana (she's good in this because that's what I want let me have this)) know the truth, that sometimes the two of them just need a few days to goof off and be themselves, to finally get some time to relax. They'll grab a couple hares and maybe a stag on the way back if they can, so they can at least pretend that's what they've been doing the whole time.

These trips can last anywhere between a day, to two weeks, and Arthur leaves the same set of instructions with the council and the knights every time:

"The safety of Camelot’s people is your highest priority. I leave Sir Leon in charge of everything to do with the knights, patrol, and should any form of conflict arise. If there is an emergency, you are to consult the Inner Council (I don’t know if that's a thing but let's say it is; its The Gang), and send a squire on horseback to fetch me immediately. There's one boy in the troupe who always manages to track me the down the quickest, so make sure he's the one sent, Sir Leon knows who I speak of."

(He's improved over the years, but Arthur is still very... cagey, when it comes to compliments, and his trust. Leon will never mention it, but the fact that Arthur leaves the safety of the kingdom to him, without hesitation or worry, makes him feel greatly honoured. That is the highest form of trust Arthur is capable of giving.)

~

ANYWAY I feel like most of this has just been backstory so let's get into it:

Normally it's Merlin or Leon who demand that the trip needs to happen.

This time

It's Arthur.

Arthur has tried to ignore it (he's trying to get better but he's not great with emotions and stuff, the big dummy) but Merlin has been in a sour mood for weeks now. He's been quiet and withdrawn, snappy, and has been avoiding Arthur whenever possible.

At first it was easy to ignore, when it started a few months ago it was barely noticeable to anyone who didn't know the two of them Very Well, but in the last few weeks it's become a problem.

Arthur reckons a trip might do them some good. Merlin can relax, and will either get over whatever is bothering him, or be comfortable enough to talk to Arthur about it.

So they head out. Merlin doesn't seem too happy about the trip but he doesn’t complain.

(Odd in itself, if Merlin is unhappy about something he usually makes it known.)

The first couple of days are... odd, to say the least. It seems that every time Arthur notices Merlin relax, he quickly tightens up again. One short, joking conversation is followed by a few more hours of painful, awkward silence.

Arthur comes to the daunting realisation, that if he wants to help is friend (and the love of his life but like... baby blondie has hardly reached that conclusion himself, he might need a bit more time on that) is to confront it head on.

So they're settling down in the evening. The fire is roaring, the horses have been fed and watered, dinner has been eaten, and the two of them are sat at opposite ends of the fire (Very Odd, they're usually glued at the hip, especially when it's just the two of them).

Arthur looks at his friend properly for the first times in a while and he Does Not Like what he sees.

Merlin is visibly exhausted, big bags under his eyes, and his skin paler than normal, scowling ever so slightly into the fire. Shoulders tense, and hands gripping each other until the skin on his knuckles is white. And despite all that, Arthur thinks that Merlin looks more sad, than angry.

Maybe Merlin notices Arthur's staring, they hold eye contact for a little while before Merlin becomes sort of... resigned?? To the fact that he's gonna have to have this conversation whether he wants it or not? He goes to say something but before he can, Arthur interrupts him:

"So Merlin. How do you think I'm doing so far?"

(Which is a stupid thing to say, really. But Arthur is, as we've already established, extremely emotionally constipated, and he figures that finding out what's wrong with Merlin indirectly, and then subtly fixing it behind his back, is a far better idea than asking him to his face.)

Merlin clenches his jaw and looks away it this, his reply and his body language clearly sending different messages:

"You know what I think. You're going to be a great king."

Arthur thinks : "(Going to be? I've been king for a year, there's been no war and far fewer attempts on my life than when I was a prince. There's been a good harvest, all diplomatic meetings have gone well, and more peace treaties, and trade agreements, have been signed in the last twelve months, than in the ten years before it. I know I can still do better but... does Merlin not think I'm good?")

Arthur says : "Going to be? I think I'm a pretty great King already if I do say so myself."

"Then why ask? Besides. There are a few things you haven't done."

Merlin's tone is biting, even though he tries to force it out casually. Arthur notices. ”There are a few things you haven't done”... that means something specific.

"Hmm. I suppose. What things did you have in mind then, Merlin?"

Arthur also tries to sound casual, but the question comes out very pointed

Merlin desperately doesn't want to say it out loud, in fear of revealing too much of himself, so he goes with the vague answer of:

"Promises were made. I guess I just figured you weren't the type to break them, that's all. I'm sure you'll get there in time."

Merlin sounds sort of hopeful there. But the sort of hope that he's been living with for years, the sort of hope that has a layer of sadness and resignation laying over the the top like a tablecloth.

Arthur notices:

"Promises?" He doesn’t want to talk too much or too loudly, in fear that Merlin realises that he's speaking openly and clams up again.

Arthur has realised, over the last year or two, that despite their closeness, despite the endless conversations they seem to have, he doesn't really know all that much about Merlin. He knows he doesn’t spend as much time picking herbs, or in the tavern, as he and Gaius would claim. He doesn't know his favourite colour, or season, or holiday. He doesn't know when abouts his birthday is, or what he likes eating. He doesn't know much about his childhood, he's never mentioned his father.

(Despite all this, he's still in love with the idiot, but again, a revelation for another time.)

Merlin responds "To the druids. You promised they would be welcomed, that magic would return. I know your opinions on magic-"

(The manservant visibly shuffles at this, uncomfortable.)

"-but I figured a promise is a promise. Keeping your word had always seemed so important to you. Before."

Arthur notices the past tense. Like Merlin doesn’t believe that Arthur holds importance to his word anymore:

"I'm not my father Merlin. There have been no executions just for the sake of it since I took the crown."

Merlin’s reply comes quickly, in a harsh tone:

"Yes I know that. But your fathers law still remains. It's technically still punishable by execution just to exist as a sorcerer in your kingdom."

(Arthur notices the thinly veiled disgust in Merlin's voice when he mentions Uther. Arthur knew that Merlin disliked the previous king, but he didn’t think he hated him that much.)

Merlin is getting more and more visibly frustrated at this point. Both at Arthur, and the topic of conversation, but also at himself, for letting himself become so worked up over something he'd sworn to keep Arthur away from.

"You really didn't like my Father did you Merlin?" He says it with a chuckle, trying to keep the conversation light and casual.

(This is NOT a conversation that should be light and casual, his friend is in pain, and revealing more of himself than he ever had before, this should be serious. But Arthur isn't quite sure how to do that, so inappropriately light and casual is what he goes for.)

Merlin responds with a quiet, but forceful:

"I hated him. I still do. He's your father, I know that you're not him, and I know you can't help your heritage. But I'll never forgive Uther for what he did. And I'm not angry that he's...gone."

Arthur's very much taken aback at that. He knows everyone has... strong opinions on Uther, but they've never voiced it in front of him.

"Why?? I mean I know he put you in the stocks a couple of times, but so have I to be fair. Why do you hate him so much?"

(This is the point Merlin gets angry. Or angrier. This is when he stops trying to hide it, stops trying to hold it in. Arthur hadn't gotten angry at Merlin for talking about Uther in such a way, he was just curious. Merlin had been planning on telling him the truth at some point anyway, so he might as well do it now, with no one else around, and Arthur in a goodish mood.)

Merlin jumps up, clenching his fists and staring Arthur in the eye for the first time since the start of the conversation, breathing deeply.

Arthur is taken even further aback at Merlin's sudden unwillingness to hide his true reaction to the topic at hand, but he doesn't say anything, and just waits for Merlin’s response

"Why?? Why do I hate him? Maybe because he was blinded fear and selfish hatred."

Merlin stops and looks away, but doesn't sit down, still tense.

I imagine he's waiting for Arthur to say something, but he doesn’t, opting to wait for Merlin to carry on himself, unwilling to remind Merlin exactly who he was talking to, and about what.

After a few moments of silence, Merlin continues, getting angrier with each word as he paces:

"Your father, the Great King Uther, murdered thousands of people. He committed genocide, because he insisted on blaming other people for his own mistakes. He didn't pay attention to the fine print, and killed his own wife and in return, he executes THOUSANDS of MY people. Just for daring to exist. He was so full of hatred, but he, of course, was infallible so it MUST have been someone else's fault. He was incapable of admitting his own mistakes and the injustice that went unpunished is indescribable, he was a tyrant, and a murderer, and I'll never forgive him."

(Arthur knows the truth about what happened to his Ma in this story, I don’t know how, he just does. And it's a topic of conversation he avoids like the plague.)

At the end of his little outburst, Merlin stills. He is shaking as he glares at the floor, and is more furious than Arthur has ever seen him before.

The King notices the little slip up.

"Your people?" He says, so quietly it's a wonder Merlin hears it.

Merlin freezes at this, at the realisation that there's no real way he can play this off. He was planning on telling him at some point anyway. They're miles away from the city in the middle of a large, barely tamed forest. If he needs to run for his life, he could get away easily enough.

"Yes Arthur. My people. You really should've let me speak first."

Arthur is reminded of the fact that Merlin had opened his mouth to say something, before he'd interrupted him at the beginning of the conversation. It felt like it was hours ago now, but it was really only a few minutes.

The King isn’t nearly as shocked as he thinks he should be. He knew there was something odd and secretive about Merlin, and he'd considered that he might have magic in the early days, but that hadn't been a genuine consideration for years.

He wants to be angry, and selfish, and furious at Merlin for lying to him all this time. But after hearing Merlin’s little speech, does he really have any right to? 

Yes, Arthur hadn't executed any sorcerers, but he also hadn't changed the law. He hadn't stood up to his father and he certainly hadn't tried to stop the executions before he was King himself. Can he really blame Merlin? For being scared? For being angry?

"You're a sorcerer." It's not a question. It's a statement. In his mind he knows the truth, but it needs to be confirmed, out loud, by Merlin himself, before they can move the conversation on.

"Yes."

And that's all he says. Arthur waits. And when he's tired of waiting, when he realises that Merlin isn't just gonna carry on talking this time, he speaks up:

"And?"

"And what, Arthur? What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry I lied? Yes, I feel bad for lying to you, but I'll never apologise for protecting myself in a kingdom that would see me burn. And I would do it again in a heartbeat"

Arthur nods. He's tense, but he notices that he isn't scared and he wonders why, after all, as far as he was aware magic had only (almost only) caused him pain and fear. 

(In the back of his mind he knows why he's not scared. Merlin doesn't have an evil bone in his body, and he's met the druids, he knows that some magic users are peaceful.)

He looks up at Merlin to see him staring at him, a sort of challenging look on his face, like he was daring Arthur to prove him right. Daring him to be selfish, and angry, and just like his father.

But when Arthur looks deeper. Really Looks at Merlin. He sees the fear, Arthur has no doubt in his mind that Merlin could escape, or even fight him off, now, if he needed to. But Merlin is scared.

If that wasn't enough to break Arthur's heart, the quick glance that Merlin throws to the space a few feet from Arthur's side, is.

Arthur looks over slowly, eyebrows furrowed, to see what Merlin glanced at so fearfully. His heart shatters when he realises what it is. Arthurs sword, sat underneath his bag, just out of his reach. Merlin thinks Arthur is going to kill him. Merlin is scared. Of Arthur.

Arthur looks back at Merlin, disbelief and gut wrenching sadness on his face. He resists the urge to jump up (knowing it would just panic Merlin) as he speaks, trying to keep his tone calming, but it comes out rushed and desperate anyway:

"I'm not going to hurt you Merlin, I swear. I'm...sorry, if my actions and words have led you to believe that I would EVER see any harm come to you."

It's over the last minute, the anger and fear from Merlin, that forces Arthur to realise the legacy he's dealing with. That Uther had done so much damage, had struck so much fear into Merlin, that it didn't matter how close they were. Any subtle, deliberate ignorance of the law wasn’t enough. Any small compliments, or defence of Merlin, wasn't enough.

As long as the law remained, as long as Arthur left his fathers legacy intact, with not even a small attempt to dismantle it, Merlin would be scared of him.

Merlin relaxes only slightly at Arthur's words, gulps, and glances once more at the sword before sitting down again. He’s still tense as he stares into the fire once more.

"All these years you've been putting your life at risk, to stay at my side. You could've quit at any time. You could've stayed in the relative safety of Ealdor, but you didn't. Why? I want to know everything Merlin. You... you mean a great deal to me, and it pains me to see you in fear. And I know it's no one’s fault but my own, and I want to fix it. So the whole story, from the beginning, I want to know."

It's Merlin’s turn to be taken aback now. In his mind, everything he's said and done in the last few minutes should be making Arthur angry. The disrespect of Uther, the tone of voice he had taken, the shouting. All of that even before the admittance of his greatest secret. But still Arthur wasn't angry, he was confused, and maybe hadn't quite processed it yet, but mostly he was just sad, sad that Merlin had to be angry on his own. Sad that Merlin had to be fearful on his own.

So he does. He starts at the beginning. His mother sending him to Camelot so Gaius could train him. Saving Arthurs life that first banquet. Saving his life again a few days later. And again. And again. And again

He talks about all the small insignificant magicks he did: cheating at dice games and keeping Arthur's bath water warm and making sure the fire stays lit through the night and helping the knights sleep when they're out and about.

He talks about all the big magicks he did: killing Nimueh and being the last Dragon-Lord and Balinor being his father, and all the great battles he had won and all the times he'd saved Arthur when Arthur hadn't even realised he'd been in danger.

He talks about everything in between. About every lucky fallen branch and every lucky rockslide and every lucky solution that wouldn't have worked without Merlin... nudging it in the right direction.

He talks and talks and talks until his throat is sore. And Arthur stays silent, unwilling to interrupt, listening intently and saving any questions and queries until the end.

After an hour or so, Merlin hesitates, but Arthur can tell that there's something else. Something he's not saying. Something that in Merlin's mind, is the scariest truth of all. So he stays silent, and waits for Merlin to continue:

"The old man that you think killed your father. Dragoon, the sorcerer who kept popping up but was never in the same room as me? That was me, in disguise."

He looks nervous at this and looks up at Arthur. Before, he'd been explaining everything with a blank but resolute look on his face, still staring into the fire (that hadn't been fed in well over an hour, but was still going strong).

Arthur just looks surprised, he'd never considered that Dragoon had been anyone but himself.

"I tried Arthur. I may have hated your father but I tried to save him. But the pendant around his neck stopped it from working and healing magic has never been my strong point anyway. I really did try."

Arthur nods at this. He figured there had been no reason for the old sorcerer to kill his father, and after consulting Gaius and realising the truth about the pendant, he didn't blame him. Though he never told anyone, not even Merlin, why would he? His manservant had never even met the guy.

"I know. I'm sorry, it can’t have been easy, thinking I blamed you for his death all these months. I'm sorry Merlin."

Merlin looks surprised but quietly grateful. Over the course of the last hour of explanation he had slowly become more and more relaxed, realising that Arthur really meant it when he said he wasn't going to hurt him, and just wanted the truth.

Merlin was still scared, and a big part of him still believed he'd probably be banished at the least at the end of this conversation. But it still felt good to get it off his chest.

"But you still haven't answered my question. Why? We didn't know each all that well those first few weeks. Months even. We practically hated each other at the beginning. But you stayed anyway. Despite hating me and despite being in constant danger. Why?"

Merlin once again hesitates at this. He tried his best but even after all these years, he's not quite sure how to navigate conversations about destiny, especially his own, and especially how it's tied so intrinsically with Arthur’s.

Instead he says:

"What do you know about Emrys?" He really needs a starting reference for this part of the conversation, and at this point, the best way to get it is to ask directly.

Arthur goes to question why, but Merlin has been nothing but honest and straight forward with him, so he trusts that it’s important, and answers truthfully:

"Not much. A few Druids have mentioned him to me before. Apparently they've been seeing him in prophetic dreams for centuries, the Druids have quite a few "seers" in their ranks. He's meant to be some great sorcerer, whose destiny it is to bring Magic and peace to Albion, with some King or other at his side. I never payed much attention to it, I hardly believe in visions of the future."

Merlin nods at that:

"You've got most of it. Emrys is meant to be the most powerful Warlock to ever walk the earth, past, present, and future. When Uther started culling sorcerers, an astronomical amount of magic was poured back into the earth all at once. The Triple Goddess took that magic and put it all in one place, in one unborn baby, in the hope that said baby would grow into his power, and restore balance and compassion to the world. The Druids call him Emrys but it's just a title, like King, or Sir, not his real name. He, and the Once and Future King, are meant to rule with the support of one another, uniting all of Albion under the King’s rule, and bringing magic back into the land. Emrys and the Forever King, two sides of the same coin, their destinies interwoven."

Merlin goes silent at that, and Arthur thinks he knows where this is going, but he Needs the confirmation:

"What's that got to do with anything?" is quietly muttered.

"You're the Forever King Arthur. And I am Emrys. Though it's weird enough when the druids call me that so just... let's stick with Merlin alright?"

"All those times you said I would be a great King, all those times you had unfailing faith in me, was because of destiny?"

Arthur tries not so sound hurt, but he’s never cared for, or believed, in destiny. Up until now he'd thought Merlin had had faith in him as Arthur, his friend, not as some prophetic Once and Future King that Arthur was afraid he would never be.

"At first, sure. I was angry, that my destiny had been decided for me. That I couldn't just ignore it because if I did then the world would never know peace. I never asked for that responsibility I just wanted... I just wanted to keep my mother safe. I wanted to learn how to be a physician and use my magic to help and entertain and brighten the world. Just a little bit. And suddenly I had this big important role to play. I hated it. But I did it anyway, kept you safe. And then I got to know you as a person and you weren't your father. You Love Camelot, you Love your people, you're a good man who does everything in his power to help those around him, even if they don't deserve it sometimes. And suddenly, having my destiny be to help you to greatness... well, it didn't seem so bad anymore. Maybe it was your destiny to be that Great King from prophecy, because you were already a good man."

Arthur is speechless at that. Tears gather in his eyes but neither of them mention it and he doesn't let them fall. Merlin had been almost as nice as that in the past, but never so fully, and with the weight of the truth behind it, it seemed much more meaningful.

Merlin gives him a sad smile before he continues:

"I'm your servant until the day I die Arthur. I have faith that one day, you'll do the right thing."

Arthur suddenly remember the whole point of this conversation. That Merlin was upset and angry that he hadn't repealed the ban on magic yet, that Merlin was still waiting on him. Waiting on him to do the right thing. Waiting on him to fulfil his destiny.

~

Maybe they head straight home? Merlin walks into Arthur's chambers the next morning to find him already up and pacing, making a start on the repeal?

Maybe Arthur demands they go to the closest Druid settlement so he can consult them on how he should go about it? Merlin’s knowledge of magic is great and all, but neither of them were alive before the purge, neither know how it would work practically.

All I know, is whenever Merlin first comes across Arthur working on the repeal, determination in his eyes, he cries a little. That everything he sacrificed is finally paying off.

I also know, that the first time Arthur timidly asks Merlin to show him something magical (maybe that's straight after this tiring conversation, or maybe its days later, back in the safety of Arthur's locked chambers) Merlin cries even harder, Arthur is still scared of magic, how could he not be. But he loves and trusts Merlin more than anything in this world, and he wants to learn to not be scared anymore.

~

THIS IS COMPLETED!!

All 5 parts have been posted:)

If y’all want my thoughts on anything specific, let me know✌