#this movie is kinda fucked up but its a sad reality

[psykopaths]

Kids, (1995)

[absolutebl]

Okay, FINE, the shows you should watch for BL's QUEER AF roots

You ready to go hunting?

Many of these are difficult to find. Also many of the images of them and their posters have been block/banned by tumblr, so, no screen grabs for you! (Good times.)

I don't necessarily *like* any of these, but if you are queer and in this fandom and need to dialogue around BL's queerness - these are going to provide a foundation for you. They are important for various industry, reputation, directorial, and cultural reasons. As seeds often are.

Trigger warnings throughout.

The true beginnings:

Boys Love, Japan's 2006 movie is a REALLY rough start featuring a journalist + hot model = murder gay, mild necrophilia, cheating, abuse, rape, and suicide for love. Start as you mean to go on, why don't you, Japan? Is it queer... maybe? Is it BL... honey, I am very sorry to inform you, this started BL.

Note: Yoshikazu Kotani is famous in og BL circles since he acted in 3 early BLs, both Boys Loves and then Same Difference. Also he v tall and hawt.

Eternal Summer, Taiwan 2006 - unlike Japan, Taiwan did NOT start how it would, eventually, go on. But what a messy way to start. A high school story of 3 besties in a love triangle, self discovery, and sexual awakening that fucks it all up.

No Regret, Korea 2006, is a very unhinged queer catastrophe piece about a lost gay man who ends up a host and then almost a murderer because of both his job and his identity.

Note: This is the directorial feature film debut of Lee-Song Hee-il Korea's (so far as I know) first openly gay director who specialized (to this day) in queer content.

The Love of Siam, Thailand 2007, this was Thailand's queer awakening, sure they would backpedal for YEARS after, but in 2022 they began to remember what this movie was (and did) and overtly referenced this quiet little masterpiece. This movie is sad but stunning in that way that the best queer works from Thailand can be (like Present Perfect or ITSAY.) It has Thailand's quintessential softness around theme and character, which you'll understand perfectly when highlighted against the backdrop of the early 2000s works from Japan, Korea, and Taiwan. Thailand will never lose this soft style and it's one of the most attractive qualities of Thai BL: it's never very harsh with us or its characters. This movie very easily COULD have been quite harsh indeed.

I thought long and hard about including Rice Rhapsody AKA Hainan Chicken Rice (Hainan ji fan) on this list and finally decided it doesn't really qualify. Still let me mention Hong Kong's 2005 movie. It is amazing, fascinating, and very rough going for an ostensible comedy. It wasn't the actual beginning because few saw it and Hong Kong never really picked up or ran with BL let alone QL, but it was hella queer. It's also hella homophobic.

Just Friends? (2009 Korea) - this is Korea's first (kinda) upbeat version of a BL featuring already established boyfriends, one of whom is on military leave, trying to decide on coming out, family life, and the future. All of these are themes Korea will pretty much never tackle again, retreating as they would to their bubble. But what a fun little offering this little show was and is to this day. You should watch it.

Like Love 1 AKA I Love You As A Man: Part 1 - China's 2014 offering is actually pretty classic early form live action yaoi with things like whipping boy, a university setting, rich/poor jock/nerd pairing, hard grumpy/sunshine and a very odd title. It's pre-censorship with an HEA, also explicit, yeah China once did that. This is a lot less queer that it is classic BL and classic Chinese romance, neither of which have any kind of connection to reality. But hey, that's what I'm here for. But it's important to note the drifting away from queerness beginning to occur.

Love Sick - Thailand's 2014 "boys in blues shorts" high school set soapy (in all ways) offering is widely considered the true beginning of Thai BL and by default, eventually, BL as we know it today. (As the biggest producer they somewhat dictate taste and trends in the genre.) This is one of those BLs that owes almost nothing to yaoi, although it started a number of tropes that are now endemic to Thai BL. What it is, instead, is a well scripted story of bisexual self-discovery and the inherent chaos of loving someone of the same gender for the first time, all wrapped up in hormones, existing relationships, and communication issues. It is high school queer angst at its messiest. Nothing is going to be easy for these boys because queer isn’t easy but also because life isn’t easy… welcome to adulthood sweethearts. Is is overtly queer? For 2014 Thailand? Sure is.

Love Next Door 2 a movie from 2014 and one of Thailand’s early very high heat pieces, it’s odd, but sexy I guess? Some unexpectedly decent queer rep including femme characters getting screen time + HEAs. (Part one from 2013 has the same high heat content and features the same lead character (and actor) discovering he is gay with the sex worker next door, but isn't as good nor is it relevant to this installment.)

A few other unknowns, for the queer babies

Wait For Me at Udagawachou AKA Udagawachou de Matteteyo - from Japan in 2015, this is a story about two boys in high school one of whom is a repressed outsider and the other who has a terrible secret (body dysmorphia & cross dressing). When the first boy discovers what's up with the second one, his reaction is very much fetishization. "Oh Japan must you?" kinda started for me with this show. But in this case, Japan, weirdly MUST. This is the ONLY show laboring under (and testing) a pointedly straight lens (or is it?) and identity examination (yes but which boys' identity? that's the question) that I've EVER seen even edge into the BL genre. It is crazy queer, even as it mostly focuses on the fetishization of identity from an outsider's perspective. I WISH more people in fandom would watch it so I could at least talk to someone about it.

The Lover (BL Cut) Korea's 2015 series had multiple couples in an apartment complex, one pair of whom is a BL romance between a Korean man and a visiting Japanese tourist (played by a Kpop idol). It's comedic, slapstick sexy only (no kissing), but basically starts up Korea's bubble and use of idols in BL. It's kinda fascinating to watch them dodge around and still represent gayness in what (is sadly destined to become) a very Chinese way, but which Korea in pursuit of Hallyu and market share would morph into the bubble.

Mr. X and I from China in 2015 is a compilation piece and, I think, the first of this kind of multiple narrative shorter grab bags AKA "Sampler Pack BL." Two of the stories are very queerly sad, but the third is CLASSIC BL of the kind that would become China's best (and last) true BL, Addicted.

Sweet Boy, (Thai 2016) Chimon's first gay role and it is quite sad, oddly sexy, and similar to Dew the movie or My Bromance (just so you know what you are in for) but the acting is on point. When Thailand goes dark, this is how they do it, but this is rough going for baby queers because that's the darkness it is exploring. Our old thematic friends: the pain of self discovery and coming out into a homophobic environment and unfriendly reality, and the cost of being the one able (and willing) to stay in the closet.

Method (Korea 2017) this movie is a May/December actor/idol pairing, that should have been everything I wanted in life but is more about the older character cheating on his wife and their weird “artsy” relationship and frankly, I hated it. And I don’t say that lightly. Is it queer? Who tf knows, but is sure has some interesting things to say about the nature of PERFORMATIVE queerness.

Red Balloon is Taiwan's 2017 precursor BL to their biggest and most famous prestige piece Your Name Engraved Herein. If you're making a choice, choose that instead, but this series certainly paved the way for it to come into existence. Both shows tackle the pressures of culture and social structures on self acceptance and identity and the loneliness inevitably caused by conflict between the two.

(As indeed does Life Love On The Line, Present Perfect, Grey Rainbow, Tropical Night, My Sky, and many other queer meets early BL pieces that revolved around coming out and family acceptance.)

China's 3 2017 "they tried to censor the gay... and it went HORRIBLY wrong":

Beloved Enemy,

The Fairy Fox,

Mr. CEO is Falling in Love with Him.

Honestly these 3 are basically the uncanny valley of BLs.

The Novelist AKA The Pornographer series (2018-2020). Messy psychological machinations, gaslighting, fetishization, sexual corruption, and more good times from "well, what did you expect?" Japan, but also no holds barred queer, just well and truly fucked in the head (and arse) about it.

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - Drama llama queers so queer and so dramatic it's like Japan is trying to PROVE something: obsession, cheating, break-up, reunion, then break up again, all of it explicit. This show is just SO JAPANESE. I can't even, but you should watch it and you'll know exactly what I mean. Something like My Personal Weatherman owes it's lineage to this kind of BL. If you like Japan naked, boney, emo, and smoking (hot & ciggy) you will love this, and should watch it. It's objectively amazing, I can't stand it, but I NEED people to talk about it more.

More Queer Stuff about BL from moi

BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men 

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer? 

Actually gay, not BL gay - the idea of “by queers, for queers, about queers,” the BL bubble, sanitized gay, and a queer lens

Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity

BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage

Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge… is it queerbaiting?) 

BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more:  Is that BL actor actually queer?

So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl 

Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom 

BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers

10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience 

If you like these kinds of shows try the "Moody Arthouse Smackdoodle" section of this post too.

Happy watching!

(source)

[kkpaaw]

FOR REAL Branch and the rest of his brothers have known each other barely any of their lives. Really they know nothing about Branch, and Branch only knows what little he can recall of them. I want more of that explored in fics so bad, and the fact that really they STILL don't know each other by the end of TBT- No way they were gone any longer than like a week, and that isn't enough time to really get to know someone, especially when they've got other things to think about (And of course, the fact they don't know what Branch's childhood was like, always love people making content of his bros discovering that)

My first ask! Hello Anon! Nice to meet ya!

YES EXACTLY! I truly wish more fanfics covered this sad reality of the broz cuz its heart wrenching and also very interesting!

I love seeing people make fanfics about them discovering how fucked up Branch's childhood was cuz he truly did go through alot when u stop and really think about it.

Honestly It's a part of their story that, while not said in the movie, is always there. No matter how much they ignored it, the reality of them being strangers to Branch is something that's always gonna be brewing In the background until it gets addressed, if it ever gets addressed

Cuz Branch couldn't have been older than what? 2? 3? Maybe 4? I don't think he was that old cuz he was still in diapers and majority of kids don't develop long term memories until they are around 4 and if we wanna be very generous to say he WAS 4 then means Branch only has like what? A year worth of memories of them of his current age? Maybe not even that? That's literally nothing.

It's honestly a miracle Branch remembers them at all and he prolly only does because the day they split was traumatic to him and trauma memories tend to stick around even at a young age.

If that day didn't have as big of an impact as it did, he prolly would have completely forgotten he even HAD brothers other than a faint feeling of familiarity. And honestly? A part of me WANTS to see a fanfic exploring that possibility where Branch just completely forgot he had brothers and their reaction to it. How angsty it would be. How different would the story of TBT had played out? That kinda of stuff always gets me thinking

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

[spatialwave]

idk if you will want to write this cuz its not exactly mariejordan but i cant stop thinking about marie being emma and jordan's professional cuddler and both of them kinda silently agreeing to do their monthly calls to their shitty parents during different times of the month so marie can be available when it inevitably leads them to sadness

ahhh!! omg! marie is the professional cuddler, that's for sure.

-

marie moreau had slowly, but surely, become emma meyer's best friend at god u. she also found her way into jordan li's life where she became, "the best girlfriend ever". a title given to her by a drunk jordan who was feeling very dorky on a night out.

being the designated best friend and girlfriend was incredibly tough work because it called for a lot of cuddles and emotional support (it was pretty easy). emma and jordan made it very easy because they were the most appreciative people ever. if marie wanted to spend time with emma, then jordan would give the two best friends some space, and if marie desperately needed a night with jordan, then emma would let her be.

it was a silent agreement of some kind, to understand who needed marie most at certain times.

jordan, for example, would always get a call from their father near the beginning of each month. a call they wish they could avoid so it would send straight to voicemail and be forgotten about until the next, but they could never quite build up the courage for it. that was when they needed marie. a night to be held in her arms while they cried and detached from reality for just a short while. sometimes the calls weren't so bad and would only leave them a bit numb, but most times they would end in a fiery argument that made jordan question why their father would even call again. marie had become their saving grace, warm and welcome arms that would soothe their worries.

it was the same for emma when her phone would ring mid-month like clockwork. she could see in her mind what her mom's calendar looked like, 'berate emma about her caloric intake and ask for all her measurements' on the 15th of every month. the phone call was exhausting and left her feeling like a shell of a human, but being nestled into marie's warmth while watching some stupid vought movie always made her forget her horrific mother, even just for a night.

marie moreau found happiness through these moments. seeing the two she loved most being hurt by their loved ones tore her heart into pieces, but it was so fucking gratifying when she ran her fingers through their hair and saw those small smiles growing on their lips. to know that she could be there to pick up the pieces and remind them that they were both loved unconditionally.

[murcielagatito]

so i watched blue beetle yesterday and i wanted to review it with the article about latino representation in media in mind but honestly i just want to talk about the background specifically the reyes family home

jaime reyes is a mexican that lives in el paso, texas. at least according to his source material. in the film however, they invented up an imaginary city for him and his family to live in and it was disappointing to see. im a texas born puerto rican whom has lived in el paso and puerto rico amongst many other places and it was kinda like….. it felt wrong the way this imaginary city was depicted. el paso is a desert and they translated that to literally them just living on a street named el paso. el paso is a beautiful city with gorgeous architecture and we were robbed of seeing that in favor of taking puerto rico and its architecture and being labeled once again a fantasy. like no! we were robbed of two different representations at once!

jaime’s home in the very real city of el paso, texas is completely ignored in favor of a tropical landscape. and while it brought pride to my heart seeing mi isla on the big screen, it made me sad as well that people would see our land (once again) yet not even realize we are not in fact a fantasy but a real actual place where people really actually live. 

puerto rico’s architecture is built with very specific things in mind: one, because we live on an island, the materials we use are primarily concretes and metals to ensure longevity of our buildings in extremely moist climates. two, our homes are essentially (but not all) barricaded for extra safety (a sad but real reality) with gorgeously crafted fencing around porches. three, WE LOVE COLORS our homes are painted extremely colorfully! while in contrast, el paso’s color palate revolves favoring the earth tones seen in the city's desert landscape. it just felt like the gorgeous landscape of el paso wasnt good enough to the producers to be depicted on the big screen.

not only that we were robbed of the real issues that puerto rico is facing right now. we see a sign at the beginning of the neighborhood the reyes family lives in with several things graffitid onto it and one of the phrases is “gringos go home” this is a huge movement in puerto rico and has been for many years now as more rich white people have been gentrifying our island and kicking native puerto ricans out of their own homes. homes they have lived in their entire lives. the phrase itself can be seen as funny and im sure some people laughed about it but it felt like a slap in the face to see especially because that specific neighborhood is literally filmed in puerto rico.

the movie presents this issue of rich white people taking over this imaginary city in somewhere california when these issues are actually happening on the island as you read this. and its something they talk about in the movie but not in relation to puerto rico! like its a big issue! the reyes are literally losing their home! and theyve already lost their business because of the rising rent that they simply cannot afford. except the land the gringos are gentrifying isnt real because the city doesnt fucking exist and therefore viewers can choose to look at it as this grand fantasy issue as if the current colonization of puerto rico isnt something to be concerned about. how can yall tell us to go back to our country then take away our homes? where are we supposed to go?

[dainesanddaffodils]

Friends, Romans, Countrymen. I did it. 

I rewatched Strange Magic late last night on a whim.

It’s been, as far as I can determine, at least four years since I had last seen this movie. Probably closer to five. It’s been. A Minute. And I was so horribly worried that I would find all of its faults far more glaring than I had when it first consumed my life back in 2015. That I wouldn’t find the magic in it the way I did before. 

I was both right and wrong. 

I did, indeed, find some things more flawed, to the point of genuinely cringing in a couple places. However, I also came out remembering exactly why this movie captivated me for as long as it did.

I’m going to ramble in more detail about both things, if you’re so inclined to read more.

Things I found as bad or worse this time around:

The pacing. Dear lord, the pacing of this movie is a fucking trainwreck. I knew it the first time I watched it and it was the one critique I would always agree with. It’s just, it’s so bad. I can’t even tell you how I’d fix it but it just. It needs an overhaul please. 

Like, in my memory it was just the first half that was paced poorly. Once you got into the second half, things improved. 

My memory was wrong. It’s a mess the whole way through.

Tragically, Griselda. I always found her character a little grating but at least sort of endearing...  but it has. gotten worse. The matchmaking was only good in providing the backdrop for Bog and Marianne to rant about how much they hate romance but every other scene with it made me feel like Bog must. I lowkey wanted to put my head through a wall. 

Plum, too, was a little more annoying than I remembered. In general the whole “Love is Strange” scene is probably the one I struggled with the most on this rewatch. 

The kaleidoscope bit at the end. Which again, I was always kinda... unsure about but like, everything else about the ending is so good and then that just really. throws the whole groove off and it’s sad. 

Also, I wouldn’t necessarily call it bad but like, all of Bog’s scenes in the first half of the movie are so melodramatic and I know that’s the point but I was still like ‘christ my dude we get it you’re ~evil~ now please chill for five seconds’ 

- and that’s really it. All told, while these were definitely more noticeable faults upon watching this movie again, I don’t think they were enough to truly hamper my enjoyment of the rest of it.

Speaking of...

Things I found as good or better this time around: 

Marianne. My beloved punk rock fairy princess. I absolutely adore how three-dimensional she is as a character. They give her the whole badass makeover training sequence and then spend the rest of the movie showing you its cracks. Showing you that she never fully outgrew the romantic she was at heart. She was just scared of letting people see that side of her after being hurt. She’s bitter and angry and touch-starved and sympathetic and caring and she’s allowed to be all of these things and none of them contradict each other. 

Marianne and Dawn’s relationship. Holy shit I forgot how good that was. We see only glimpses of it but every single one of them is perfection and so realistic. This is how sisters behave. They drive each other crazy and point out each other’s faults and make each other want to tear their hair out and if anyone hurt them there would be hell to pay. All of their conversations feel so... grounded in reality for a fairy rock opera musical. 

On that note, a lot of the dialogue is just, well delivered and sounds incredibly natural. It took me by surprise. 

Sunny! Sunny also surprised me with how much I liked him. His humor is one of the things that has aged the best in this movie and I really enjoyed his character. You can really see how he is a good guy who was just, very easily manipulated and spends the rest of the movie trying to fix his fuck-up. 

The singing. Similar to my point about line delivery, the... way the characters sing in this movie is really well done. I don’t know how to explain it but the way they use songs in this movie really feels like they’re using it as dialogue. Like, there’s plenty of meta jokes about people breaking into song but it also feels like it’s a natural part of this world. People just sing their feelings here, and it feels believable. It’s fascinating. 

 The animation - specifically the character animation. (Like, the movie has gorgeous background shots, we all know this.) I won’t deny that the detail in the faces gets uncanny valley in places but it’s worth it for the expressiveness that it allows. There are so many incredible face journeys, so many subtle shifts in body language, so much that gets to be said without words - either spoken or sung - and it’s just as good as I remember it.

Speaking of things that are just as good as I remember. Yeah, you guessed it. 

Bog and Marianne’s relationship is still just, top fucking tier. 

Like, it goes back to what I said about expressiveness in the animation. I remembered the big things about these two. I remembered the sword fight flirting; I remembered the ranting about hating love together; I remembered the declaration of love at the end set to “Wild Thing” which perfectly encapsulated their personalities. 

I had forgotten how much of their relationship is progressed through small gestures and lingering looks. Things like Bog leaving his staff behind after their fight, and later returning her sword to her - both shows of trust and respect that Marianne is clearly unused to. Things like the way he looks at her throughout the entire “Strange Magic” sequence as he shows her his home and hopes she’ll find beauty in it. Things like the whole face journey she goes through when it’s revealed he survived his castle collapsing, realizing that she loves him. Things like how you can see on their faces that they’re constantly torn between hope and absolute terror at their growing feelings for each other. 

All of these things are done wordlessly and it’s very well done.

(also man, having re-read a bunch of my fics ahead of this I was kind of like ‘wow a through-line throughout all of this is Bog being just, like, absolutely whipped by Marianne from the start’ and friends, upon rewatch it hit me that that was not just some romance novel tropes sneaking into fic - I took that shit straight from the source. My goblin man really was enamored with her INSTANTLY. It was fucking hilarious.)

- 

Anyway, thanks for coming along with me for this journey. I came out of it just kind of accepting, yeah, this is not what I would call a Good Movie. But it gave me so many things that I loved, and still love, and really, that’s what matters. 

Also now I wanna fucking draw fanart again. That’s wild. 

[lucky-bucky-boy]

A headcanon of how Peter Parker learns to handle his grief, since...he kinda had a lot of practice by now.

oh this is gonna be kinda sad 😫

Peter's been dealing with grief for... well way longer than he should have

For many years growing up, it was just sort of normal. People are born and people die, people come and they go, and the cycle of that is part of why he likes science so much

The extreme interest in science and helping people is how he escapes from actually thinking about his grief and his pain

Peter logically knew that one day he would experience it again but not so soon, and not so repetitively, and not so intense

It felt like a bomb went off

A bomb of despair and agony and frustration and confusion and ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR

At first, he'd be helpless. He'd sit in it, he'd cry, he'd act out, he'd be angry

It isn't until he starts seeing that it's affecting the people around him, his friend, his partner, his teammates

After a while, Peter would notice that people wouldn't look him in the eye. They'd leave rooms a little more quickly and it would quiet down when he entered.

And he hated it. He hated having a negative affect on people, and for a little it made him worse. Peter would start locking himself away, only coming out when needed

I'd like to think it would be a moment of clarity for him, but the reality is Ned or Bucky or Happy would say something along the lines of "Tony wouldn't want you brooding" or "You know May is hurting seeing you like this"

And it would HURT

He'd be angry as shit at whoever said that, he'd probably cry as hard as he did when he lost them, but ultimately he'd know they're right

And it would start there. Peter would remember he processes things better when his hands of busy

So he buys a bunch of Legos, build sculptures and breaks them down and rebuilds them

When that stops working he'd move on to suit upgrades, maybe try making a new suit from scratch

That would be the easy part

The hard part is mending the relationships of those still around

Peter would be the type to spring board game nights or movie nights on

He'd avoid anything that would remind him of the grief at first

His friends would also talk him into a therapist or at the very least a trauma counselor

Peter would struggle with finding normalcy again

I think ultimately he'd come up with a list of things he'd want to accomplish that he thinks would make the people he lost proud. Some big items and some small

And when he gets really down, he'd have his routine of building something them working towards a goal

It doesn't fix the grief, it doesn't even make it smaller, but it helps him grow around it

[remuslupinbutcooler]

Robin Buckley Drabble

ft Steve because we love a good ally

themes ; discussion of Billy Hargrove ; his death , not really any romanticism due to me writing it at like 5 am and posting it now , I’ve been off due to family issues so i apologise but i will be back to writing for you all again 💗

The usual fast paced heart rate began as my feet led me into the centre of town, my hearts constant beating causing my breath to become laboured and my vision to become blurred. Everything suddenly felt heavy or almost chaotic. I caught myself in the window of one of the stupid shop, i looked like a mess. Strands of hair covered my face, eyeliner smuged , mascara clinging to my lashes , my shirt felt too big almost as though it was drowning me , my jeans cuffed and covered with various sharpie drawings felt almost too attention grabbing and my sneakers felt too red . I shook my head before deciding to take my mind away from myself and my imperfections . My eyes cast themselves over to the video store were a familiar stranger stood at the counter. My feet practically rushed through the doors and upto the counter.

“Hey there- OMG?!” Steve took a double take before almost jumping into the air . “HOLY SHIT?! YOURE BACK??”

“I guess..” I rolled my eyes before giggling and looking around . My eyes fell onto another familiar face, semi familiar. I hadn’t seen Robin Buckley since High school, since band and cheer practice. She looked almost-

“Hey”

“hey..” I smiled at her before turning my attention back to Steve

“you back for good or?”

“good. I’m back for good.” I nodded. “ I’m all…uh…better” I smiled before glancing at the male before me.

“That’s good. Bet Dustin’s happier now you’re here .”

“really ?”

“yeah… he kinda didn’t shut up about you while you were gone.. I mean you’re his sister ? He missed you.”

“oh… i mean he told me he missed me and that he’s glad i’m back but i didn’t think he meant it.. he’s all over that Munson kid? Is that his name ? Eddie ?” I scanned over dvds next to the counter .

“Yeah..Him..”

“jealous Harrington?”

“N-no..”

“He is.!” Robin laughed before stepping into the little counter box

“you really think Munson is gonna replace my brothers literal dating slash life slash everything coach??” A laugh escaped my mouthy and caused me to throw my head back .

“See ? Even she thinks you’re being stupid “ Robin playfully pushed Steve. Dustin never mentioned this or them dating .

“Look..he worships you .. never shuts up about you “ I roll my eyes before stepping away slightly and scanning for the horror section .

“oh..! Thanks”

Robin giggled at a now embarrassed Steve. I never knew Steve Harrington could get embarrassed, always felt as though he was some kinda emotionless god . I guess this is what adulthood does to some popular kid who’s never faced rejection or even reality.

“ looking for something?” Robin threw herself over the counter, eyes stuck onto mine. I never noticed how pretty they were or how good her hair looked or how it fitted her face perfectly. I shook my head as an answer, far too mesmerised to answer. I turned my attention back to searching for some basic horror movie .

My hand reached for one, its cover was practically red and stared some blonde bimbo on the front ; probably the main and final girl. It was something to watch, i wasn’t gonna pay too much attention to it.

“Just this ?”

“uh huh..”

“So since you’re back…” Steve winked before combing his hands through his hair

“save it Harrington.”

“Thought you’d be over him by now..”

“You thought wrong “ I rolled my eyes. The “him” in question was none other than Billy Hargrove, my fake yet very real boyfriend. No one really knew how Billy and I “started “ our relationship. In all truth we didn’t. It started with me walking in on his dad almost beating him to death and Billy threatening me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You..you fucking tell anyone and your ass is dead. You hear me Henderson ?” Blood poured from his nose, his eyes looked heavy and almost too sad to blink open. Billy Hargrove was a dick , this was his only reason for his behaviour. I felt sorry for him.

“How about this… I won’t say a word to anyone if you say we’re together.”

“ and why would i do that ? just date some loser-“

“Billy…I can’t believe you’re the first person i’m even telling this to but…uh…ilikegirlsandnotguys.” I hung my head in a cloud of shame , too embarrassed to even admit it fully.

“ You ? A fucking perfect little-“

“don’t. I already feel like shit for it.”

“why ?”

“because it’s not exactly a good thing around here ? “

“ i know that but-“

“ look is it a deal or not ? cause if you even utter a word about me liking girls then i’ll fucking tell everyone about you and your dad.”

“like anyone would believe a girl lover .”

“like anyone would believe daddy’s punching bag?”

“fine. Deal. “

“ Thank you. You kinda look bad ass with bruises. You could lie and say you were fighting some guy tryna save me or something.. you’d be a chic magnet in minutes.”

Billy laughed before patting me on the back , “ yeah… about that.. can i cheat on my fake girlfriend?”

I rolled my eyes , “ yes sure .. can i?”

He laughed again, this time harder and more friendlier, “ yeah sure … You’re safe with me .”

“and you’re safe with me.. if you need any help with that… call me. My dad kinda used to hit my mom so i kinda know a thing or two.”

Billy nodded before pushing me out of his window . “ goodnight my beautiful- BAHAHA- sorry… goodnight girlfriend”

I rolled my eyes at a now overly joyous billy pissing himself due to how funny he thought our situation was. “ goodnight boyfriend..ew”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ no offence Harrington but you try having someone protect you and be there and then something takes your only sense of safety.” I rolled my eyes before paying.

“sorry…”

“it’s fine.. it’s just uh…hard you know”

“ yeah well… if you ever need a shoulder to-“

“please stop hitting on me. It’s not gonna worrrkkk “

“ i know but… it could.”

“uh huh… bye guys ..”I waved before hopping onto my skateboard, my eyes glue to the ground and surroundings. The Hawkins sun setting over me .

[acapelladitty]

Hi! I'm a horror movies fan too! I just wanted to ask you what do you find the most interesting in these films? For example: I've watched Possum, Lake Mungo and Possession because you talked so well about them but I found them kinda boring. (I just want to know what you like about these films, not criticise your tastes). Bye! Have a nice day!

Hmm, what makes a horror interesting for me is SO subjective for me depending on which film it is that this is a REALLY hard question to answer! I'll talk specifically about those ones though 💋

Possum: Possum is probably the coldest film I have ever seen. There is not a single moment of warmth or joy and the Possum puppet itself is a wretched wee thing. The story of the protagonist and his obvious struggle with how he's perceived and the crimes he has possibly committed is engaging and also miserable to see.

Lake Mungo: The set-up of this film as a documentary is SO interesting because it adds a wicked kind of reality to the situation that makes you feel for all the characters, including Alice as its slowly revealed just how little anyone truly understood her. I'm a big fan of the twists and turns in this film and just how sad the ending is. Plus, that fucking THING on the video recording is genuinely rank rotten and I hate it.

Possession: My muse. My fav. My flame! I fucking love this film because it's so batshit insane. NOTHING is confirmed or stated directly and the story must be picked apart in little bits and pieces from the scenes which are performed like not a single person on screen is human. It's strange and beautiful with new things to be enjoyed upon every single rewatch!

[dungeons-are-too-cold]

sometimes its hard for me to reconcile the dissonance between season 3 steve and like literally any other steve

Like i guess you can see hints of season 3 steve in the boobies scene or in the "is he some kinda clock maker?" scene, but like, idk theres this weird, goofy, star wars hand shaking, cherry chapstick wearing idiot in season 3 wearing his stupid little sailor boy outfit and striking out before he even gets the first date and part of me is like ":0 where the heck did that guy go?" ya know? its just such a wild fucking time in that mans life its like for a summer he's so sugar high on milkshakes and flailing after high school that he is the weirdest version of himself

part of that is actually kinda sad to me. like when i think about it, it could be seen as just "hes out of high school and he's free" but like in reality this man is fucking spiraling. His best friend is 14, he is beholden to a bunch of fucking kids letting them use him for free movies, he parents have cut him off and hes wearing a fucking sailor outfit and striking out with every girl that walks up to the counter. in his words he "couldn't even get into tech" Like !!!!! This dude is fucking spiraling out of control and the goofiness, while not entirely out of his nature, is him losing his god damn mind, like actively resigning himself to the nature of his life post s2.

Or he's just in a silly goofy mood, who knows lmao

[redpeppermilkshake]

Mulholland Drive - A Red Pepper Review

warning - huge spoilers ahead!!

RATING: 4/5 PEPPERS 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

A few years ago, I sat down and watched a little movie by an indie director named David Lynch. Maybe you've heard of him? He made a film called Mulholland Drive, which was released in 2001. Of course, I'm joking, and of course this movie is a cinematic marvel and cited as one of the greatest movie ever by critics and viewers alike.

So, then, why did I absolutely fucking hate it when I watched it? The credits rolled and I remember staring at my laptop feeling cheated. Why did this have a 4.5/5 on Letterboxd, and an 84% on Rotten Tomatoes? I found it hard to believe that anyone, let alone dummies like me, had watched this movie and actually come away from it with some semblance of understanding of what the fuck had just happened.

I chalked it up to not being my "thing". I warned friends not to watch it. But it nagged at me. I'm not stupid. There must be some way for me to understand this movie. I thought, as time passed, maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind when I watched it?

I was somewhat familiar with David Lynch. I watched Blue Velvet, and although that was baffling, it was still good. I watched The Elephant Man recently and was so touched by its soul crushing depiction of what it means to be a human being that I sobbed for an hour straight. But Mulholland Drive? It was an anomaly. It was a mountain I couldn't seem to climb.

So, I set out to change my own mind. It was worth another shot. If my second watch went as badly, I'd know it really wasn't for me.

Now, why am I so invested in this? I'm currently in my last few days of being unemployed, so what better time than now to hyper-fixate on a film I'm going to sit down and watch by myself on my bed.

I had to prepare. I read 3 or 4 articles. I wrote out a whole damn timeline on my iPad. I made a character chart. I read and read and researched and made a mental note of everything I came across. Of course, it can be argued that doing this could have taken away from the "authenticity" of what I was watching, but as far as I was concerned it would only compliment my viewing experience.

My first viewing was a fever dream, I told myself, as I sat down to start watching. This time around, with the added context of my first watch, I was sure I would get a better sense of what's going on.

And let me tell you, I did!! So much so that I have to write about it.

First of all, I think this movie REQUIRES more than one viewing to really wrap your head around it. It's a massive mind fuck. But a good one.

I honestly really enjoyed it! I became emotional a few times towards the end, which was probably a mix of pity, shock, sadness, and even fear. My mind was processing things at a mile a minute, and it was a a fun ride, albeit a chaotic one.

This time around, knowing that the first ~2 hrs are a dream made things click. No wonder the characters were a little bit off. They're a figment of someone's imagination. I LOVE dream analysis, so I really enjoyed being conscious of the fact that things weren't real as I was watching it. I have really vivid dreams, and I feel like the way it was depicted in this movie is almost an exact science. It's insane that they were able to capture that vibe so powerfully.

At some points, I kinda felt like Diane was lucid dreaming. Like when the woman in apartment 12 steps outside to join them to go to apartment 17. On one hand, maybe Diane's brain is trying to prevent them from going in because it's getting a little too close to home. But, then, how will they find the answers they're looking for if this random lady tags along?? She has to be stopped! It's almost like Diane is aware of this and conjures up a phone call to get her not to go. 

This dream is constantly molded by Diane to be an amalgamation of events that can help her escape her shitty reality for as long as possible. When the singer at the club is clearly lip syncing, the jig is finally up and the ending is upon us.

Some of the awkward dialogue, which seemed weird and even bad on my first watch, now makes SO much more sense. And it really draws you into the story. The surrealness of the story is not only something you can see but something you can feel. It's all a little unsettling. I got some serious uncanny valley vibes - It's like everyone in Diane's dream is trying desperately to be human but they're falling just short of the mark and it made me so uneasy!

It was interesting watching the ending and piecing together how Diane's dream was formed. Afterall, the images and things you see in your dreams have to come from somewhere. She lives in a shitty, beat up apartment so she dreams that she's in a luxurious, well decorated one. Camilla doesn't love her back, so she dreams that Camilla is "Rita" and she's a placid, wounded bird who's ever so grateful for her help. But she doesn't say I love you back, and afterwards the cracks start to form. Diane hired the hitman in the diner, so in her dream "Dan" is utterly petrified by the "monster" in the back. In her dream, Diane (or Betty) has an unbelievably amazing audition where she blows away everyone in the room. She's compensating for her failure to become a successful actress in reality. Director Adam in the dream is being pressured by the mob to hire Camilla, underscoring the real Camilla's claim to fame. Diane makes it as if Camilla was hired for better roles than her due to things completely out of Diane's control, softening the blow of her failure to land big roles. Also, the girl who plays dream Camilla kisses the real Camilla at the dinner party, so she plays the dream Camilla whose hired based on false pretenses. This is all designed to make Diane feel better about her acting abilities and her miserable career. The "cowboy" briefly flashes on the screen when the woman that Camilla kisses at the party is leaving. He flashes by at the perfect time; Diane registers his appearance, and she sees him recently enough for him to become a character in her dream. And she sees him twice at the end of her dream, which is what he said would happen if she did something "bad". She hired that hitman—that's real bad!

I am struggling to wrap my mind around the significance of that old couple. I think I might fall down a rabbit hole about what they mean in a few short minutes. Maybe they're just there to taunt Camilla. They send her off in LA, wishing her well, but afterwards in the car at the airport there's a deviousness to their behavior. It's almost like they know she's bound to fail.

Anyways, there are just so many things I picked up on this time around that made watching this such an interesting experience. Another watch may be necessary in the future.

For now, if you're looking for a hard and irrevocable mind fuck (!), get into Mulholland Drive.

[last-capy-hupping]

So, I was gonna do a detailed recap of my thoughts on Top Gun: Maverick, but now I’m just gonna hit the highlights. As for why I saw this movie on 4th of July weekend? Because my fiancé loves planes. And I owe him one because he watched Dune with me. Also, I liked the first one because of the iconic homoerotic Volleyball Montage scene. Anyway, here goes…

1) This sure is military propaganda. But not the outwardly jingoistic, American Sniper kind. It’s the fun kind, where it’s about how great and fun being an aviator for the Navy. And also, the Navy needs to have fewer rules and regulations and just let mavericks like Maverick (hahaha) do what they want. This isn’t a criticism of the military. This is a criticism of bureaucrats who want the military to have to follow rules and be accountable.

2) Related to point 1: the movie opens with an anti-drone message, but it’s not one of the ones that make sense. If Eye in the Sky was trying to tell us that drones were bad because it makes killing real people seem like killing video game characters, then the first ten minutes of Top Gun: Maverick is trying to tell us that drones are bad because Maverick won’t get to fly cool planes, and Lockheed Martin (I guess?) will lose out on some of its contracts. (My fiancé also added that the mission that made up the rest of the plot could’ve probably been flown risk-free and more effectively with drones.)

3) Ed Harris is an infinitely more fuckable old man than Tom Cruise (caked in stage makeup), but he’s only in the first ten minutes of the movie. He’s a pro-drone admiral, and you think that he’ll be the villain. He won’t be. This movie doesn’t really have a villain, apart from bureaucrats who care about safety and responsible defense spending.

4) Miles Teller was literally the perfect choice to play Goose’s son. And his call sign is Rooster. Get it? Also, for the first time in my life, I’m sexually attracted to a man with an 80s pornstache. Well done, Miles Teller. Well done.

5) The movie teases us early on with the idea that there’s gonna be a homoerotic rivalry between Rooster (this isn’t a dick joke, it’s a bird joke) and Hangman (played by Glen Powell, who as far I can tell, can only play pilots; astronauts; and cheeky, annoying men who fly things) that will echo the iconic homoerotic rivalry between Maverick and Iceman. This is a lie. Do not get your hopes up. Keep your dick in your pants. There’s nothing there.

6) You know how we all loved that homoerotic volleyball montage in the first movie? Well, this movie gives us a…foam football in the ocean montage. It’s…kinda homoerotic, I guess.

7) I feel like someone told Tom Cruise how flamingly gay the first movie was, and he set out to correct it.

8) On the other hand, he and Iceman (in his phone as Ice) text a lot and have more chemistry over text than he does with Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis in this movie. (The character is Penny, but she’s basically replacement Kelly McGillis because they decided that Kelly McGillis didn’t age well enough or something.)

9) Val Kilmer is back to play Iceman, and he was happy to do it, but like…Iceman is also suffering from the same cancer that stole Val Kilmer’s voice IRL, and it’s too close to reality, and it’s too sad. Also, Iceman dies. From the cancer. Fuck. This. Movie.

10) John Hamm is in this movie. He’s also an infinitely more fuckable middle-aged man than Tom Cruise, and he’s in this movie way more than Ed Harris is, but he…doesn’t do anything. The movie makes poor use of John Hamm.

11) The main emotional core of this movie is the quasi-father-son conflict between Rooster and Maverick. It’s fine. It works. Neither one of them die.

12) Early in the movie, Rooster plays “Great Balls of Fire”, the song that Maverick, Goose, and Goose’s wife Meg Ryan played in Top Gun while baby Rooster sat on the piano. Everyone in the bar immediately knows it. Everyone in the bar. Not just Rooster’s friends in the navy. Everyone in the bar. I don’t think that “Great Balls of Fire” is that famous. Maybe they all saw Top Gun and immediately remembered that scene?

13) In spite being at least sixty, Maverick flies the impossible mission (and yes, there was a trailer for the new Mission Impossible movie, Dead Reckoning: PART ONE) and leads it because he’s still the best dog fighter there is. I haven’t spoiled anything. I knew that he was gonna fly it. You did. Your dog did. The people buried in the cemetery closest to the theater did.

14) Absolutely nothing in this movie is surprising, but that’s fine and oddly comforting.

15) I’m not a man, and I don’t have a dick, but I did get hard watching planes take off and land on an aircraft carrier while Danger Zone played. Granted, that could’ve been the theater vibrating, but I am glad that this movie gave me the ability to live vicariously through Tom Cruise while he lives vicariously through all of the F18s that the military let him use for propaganda…I mean out of the goodness of their hearts.

16) The mission is destroying a uranium enrichment plant for an unnamed “enemy” nation without having to engage their 5th generation fighter jets in a dog fight. They just refer to them as “The Enemy.”

Anyway, the country is Iran, and the planes are a loan from Russia. Very cool, very vague and Cold War.

17) There’s a moment where you think that they’re gonna make you watch Tom Cruise pretend to fuck Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis. They don’t. I appreciated it.

18) I kept hearing “North Island” as “Northern Ireland,” so I kept wondering if Maverick was gonna do a raid against the IRA. That’s on me, not the movie, but I wanted to mention it.

19) Even though she was a scientist and instructor in the first movie, Penny now owns the bar on North Island. She plays a very unfunny prank on Tom Cruise where she makes him buy everyone in the bar drinks and maxes out his credit card. I almost had an anxiety attack and wanted to run out of the theater to check my banking app. Not cool, movie, not cool!

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

[abcdosaka]

had a really interesting and weirdly comforting and sad dream last night. i forgot most of the details but i kinda remember the gist of it or at least the feelings it gave me.

it was some sort of dream where i saw s and a few other friends too i think. i don't remember where we were or what the real plot of the dream was other than i think s and i had already stopped talking to each other but we happened to see each other somewhere. i'm not really sure how that went although i think it was a little bitter but after that there was some couple that had broken up and we had to work together to get them back together. it was kinda like a buddy cop movie like rush hour or like an adam sandler comedy movie the whole vibe was just silly and fun. i'm pretty sure there were like zombies or something too. somehow we succeeded and we talked and worked through our problems and almost became friends again. waking up from those sorts of dreams is weird bc i get up feeling so comforted and stable and then i slowly come back to reality like oh it's actually not like this at all.

i kinda know the reason why i had this dream out of nowhere though. it may or may not be obvious right now but my life is pretty stagnant at the moment. i love doing the whole fake scenario thing in my head before i sleep and what better inspiration is there than stuff i've already experienced right? i was also high last night too.

i also tend to go back to my memories from early this year where everything was chaotic and my anxiety was driving me nuts but things were at least in motion. yes there's a little bit of motion for me now but i'm so isolated from people like face-to-face that i have almost no motivation. like i should start apartment hunting since i'm gonna be moving halfway across the country in a few months but honestly its hard to care about myself or my future. sometimes i wanna fuck it up. really sucks that i need people.

well, maybe i'll try sending some emails tonight or tomorrow night. i'm flying to visit the office again this week and there's a holiday party which i'm weirdly looking forward to. honestly any excuse to drink with other people.

[chronocidalrage]

Escaping reality like it’s my job

It’s not so much that I can’t handle reality. It’s that I don’t want to. Why face reality when I’m so good at escaping it? I don’t want to face it, so I try to convince myself I can’t.

It’s like this constant battle in my mind now. I KNOW I need to come back to reality. I know that’s how I get to feel good again, but I DON’T fucking want to.

I just wanted to love people and be loved and make people laugh and see cool shit and make cool shit and I’ve just been hurt over and over and over again. I’ve tried so hard to be decent to others and all I’ve gotten in return is betrayal and dismissal. It’s fucking crushing.

And if my life was going to be full of betrayal and dismissal, could you at least have let me keep Atom? For fuck’s sake. What the fuck.

What don’t I want to face? My only remaining family members are the ones who get me the least. I don’t love them less, they just understand me the least. Atom and dad came closest to understanding me, and I REALLY wish I came to terms with dad understanding me as much as he did while he was still around. He got me, he just didn’t know how to say it.

My only reliable/quality friends are friends I made forever ago. No real quality friends since? I guess that’s not true though. Liz and Chris are quality friends even if I made them through Susie. I get a lot of points for finding Susie. But the vast majority of friends I’ve found either betray me or dismiss me when I need them. That says more about them than me though.

I’m still fat. I don’t look how I want to look. I’m not doing what I want to do and I’m not even sure if I can maintain my current career. To be fair, I can change that though.

I ended up having to move into the house I grew up in. I never wanted to do that. That said, we could potentially always sell it and move somewhere else. I’m sure we will at some point.

My favorite things on this earth are Susie and Ruby, and I’m always nervous to get excited about Susie in case things could go wrong, and Ruby won’t be here forever.

I want a family, but I’m terrified that I can’t handle the stress of having one.

Part of my brain knows I NEED to come back to reality to make things better, so it’s pushing me to escape with horror movies, so that my reality looks better than the fantasy. That’s a consistent cycle for me sometimes, the more I want to deal with reality (or the more I know I need to), the more I gravitate towards horror movies.

Atom, I DESPERATELY wish you were still here.

TALK Had a long talk with Susie about how life has frequently punished my good side and how much that fucked me up. Even though she’s paid for believing in my good side in the past, she was very comforting and reminded me how much she loves me and how that side of me is her favorite part. Pretty cool.

SUNSET MOMENTS Pay attention to the things you’d be sad to lose. Those are the things you’ll miss and that’s how they become sunset moments. Something beautiful that’s near its end.

A DON DOESN’T WEAR SHORTS For some reason, with all my self doubt and anxiety and fear, I just picture Atom looking at me and saying in that commanding way, “a Don doesn’t wear shorts.”

That period (about 26-30) was the pinnacle of me believing Atom’s hype about me. I started doubting it in recent years and that made me annoyed with Atom. “How could you be so wrong about me? You lied to me and said I was great,” that kinda thing.

Maybe that’s what I’m missing now. The confidence that I’m capable of effectively anything. That’s what Atom believed. He didn’t believe life would be given to me, he didn’t believe my life would be easy. He believed I could do anything if I worked hard enough and was clever. That’s what he meant by “do or do not.” Find a way to succeed. You may have to change the plan sometimes, but if you decide you want to do something, do it. Sometimes it won’t be possible, but if it’s within your control, do it.

[polyghostfacehours]

OOOO what about Billy and stu reacting to their male classmate fawning over them both and they actually ask them both out first?

Ohohoho~. Love love love this scenario.

TW: One use of the Q slur. Internalized homophobia on Billy's part.

poly!Ghostface x M!Reader that Fawns Over Them:

---

So at first, Billy and Stu are taken aback.

Like, why the fuck is the new guy being so creepy and staring at us all the time???

Stu thinks you want to fight them maybe? Lol. And Billy immediately worries you figured them out. Like maybe you're a cop's son or something?

But they quickly learn that it's because you want to be friends with them. You tell them as much when they confront you in the locker rooms alone.

You're new in town. Just moved there for college. And you hadn't meant to start anything. You just thought they seemed cool.

You had seen them in the video store at first, and you couldn't help but listen in on their conversation. Noticed they liked horror like you when Billy started going off about how underrated The People Under the Stairs is.

With hat cleared up, Stu is pretty excited to have another movie buddy, whereas Billy is just trying to figure out how he didn't notice you eavesdropping. He's normally very perceptive, and Stu isn't shabby at that either. Your sneakiness intrigues him 👀

Thus is the start of a friendship that grows at a pretty fast pace.

You guys just...click. Three bros who now what's what and who's who.

Days spent at the arcade, nights spent watching movies. It's the time of your life. Spring of youth shit right here.

And your feelings keep growing and growing. After all, it wasn't true that you had been staring at them only because you wanted to be friends.

In reality, you crushed on them both. Had no idea what to do with those feelings, and when confronted, blurted out some bullshit about wanting to be friends since you didn't want to be "the queer"

And hey, it all worked out. Kinda. You had them, just not in the exact way you wanted.

It's not until you accidently walk in on them kissing that you realize that they were together.

You're shocked, and Billy and Stu scramble to explain themselves to you.

They're freaking out, they didn't want to lose you. Their feelings for you had only grown since they met you. Stu had an immediate attraction to you, thought you were hot. Whereas Billy's demi ass took much longer, but the more you hung out with him, the more he could feel himself wanting you.

They hadn't been forward about them. For Stu, it was because he was afraid of losing Billy, and for Billy, it was because of his internalized homophobia because, "Great, I fell for another guy again??? Wtf."

But now it didn't matter, because you were going to be grossed out and leave because its the 90's and everything sucks and -

You, in your confusion at processing what was happening, and trying to calm Billy and Stu down, blurt out that no, you're not mad or think they're gross, you're just sad because you liked them and-

-Ooop.

You didn't mean to say that.

You regret it until, Billy and Stu excuse themselves briefly to talk. You're like, yeah sure man, but internally you're freaking out

Billy and Stu talk and decide, hey, why not just share? Like do that polyamorous thing they heard about on TV once or twice.

They tell you as much when you all reconvene. And you're floored. All three of you dating? All guys? Seriously? Is that...okay?

Billy asks you if it feels okay? And after (very) brief deliberation, you decide that yeah...it does.

And thus, your wayward confession spurned the start of a beautiful relationship.

It's not perfect, lots of toxicity as per usual. Billy can get manipulative. Stu is unpredictable with his emotions the more comfortable he begins to get with you, and it sometimes scares you.

How you take the murder thing when you finally find out is up to you, but you either take it for what it is, or pretend to until you can figure out a way to stop them or try and influence them for the better. If not, well, y'know...