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lo1k-diamonds · 2 months

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Call You Mine💜 Chapter 1

PAIRING: idol!Yoongi x OC

SUMMARY: Freya despises everything soulmate-related, but one day her soulmate shows out of nowhere and turns everything upside down.

"Why didn’t you reach out to me?" Her eyes watered in response to his words and he was certain. "You knew who I was, how I was suffering." It pained him to say so, but he knew it was true. It had to be a conscious decision. And he had to know why.

A slowburn rejection soulmate story to make you fall in love with Min Yoongi (again).

WORD COUNT: 7.4k (Total: 297k)

GENRE: Rejection, Soulmate AU, s2l

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: angst, huge ass story that is an emotional rollercoaster, rejection (tho it has a happy ending), OC has a strong personality and flaws (all my characters do really), desperation, explicit sexual content, semipublic I guess?, riding, consensual but there's conflict, soulmate bond is inescapable and shit happens

(You can also read it on AO3, originally posted in December 2022)

A.N. I have this poll I've been meaning to do about my soulmate series and to do so, I thought I should probably introduce those stories first 😅😋Yoongi's story is the third of the Soul Palette Series (but the one that started it all). Again, it is a realistic rejection soulmate story because I wanted a story where the female character doesn't lose her backbone as soon as [insert soulmate] shows in the picture/has sex. Lots of angst and fighting until the stars align ;)

"Poetry, music, a painting, they don’t save the world. But they save the minute. And that is enough.” Matilde Campilho

What were the odds?

“Freya, are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, I am,” she answered nonchalantly, looking out through the car window.

Her mood soured with the conversation and the woman steering the wheel sighed. “Whenever the subject of soulmates gets brought up you just become…” Freya gave her an ice-cold look from the shotgun seat. That made the woman mad, “Insufferable.”

Freya smirked through her pain and looked away again.

The woman sighed again, “We’ve been friends for almost nine years. Don’t you think I know you by now?”

Freya placed her elbow on the car door, supporting her chin on her hand. Her fingers covered her mouth strategically. She knew the lecture that was about to happen, Lidia never missed a chance to try and change her mind about this topic. She didn’t have the heart or energy to fight it anymore.

“Soulmates are each other's halves,” she started and Freya just clenched her jaw. “You were born with one, two parts of a whole.” Freya couldn’t have heard it or learned it better if she was in primary school. Sarcastic thoughts like that would flood her every time Lidia pulled that sermon on her. “Just because barely half the population finds theirs, does not mean yours isn’t out there.”

“Sure, he might be out there, but I wish to be like the other half of the population. You know, the one that was able to live happily by being with the people they chose to be with,” Freya said with a hint of victory.

“Fair, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that their soulmates are still out there. They might have never met, but that doesn’t mean one should just ignore it or—”

“I’m not ignoring it,” Freya cut, annoyed. “I told you, I never met that person. Why would I lie!”

“I don’t know, maybe because you hate the idea of soulmates so much!” Lidia yelled back, fortunately without taking her eyes out of the traffic. Motorcycles were insane, trying to get in between the moving cars to get ahead. Freya was happy it was Lidia driving them to the venue. Lidia took a deep breath, “If something happened to him, you know you can tell me…”

Freya sighed, feeling stuck in the same loop, “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met him.”

She hoped that would be the end of it, for now at least. Lidia seemed fixated on the idea that she was lying about her soulmate, that something tragic had happened, or that she was avoiding the person. Which didn’t make any sense according to her own rules, for fuck’s sake! Wouldn’t she be sick and whatnot if that was the case?

“Fine,” Lidia relented, as she always did when confronted with Freya's bitterness. “I would just like you to be open-minded when you do.”

Freya bit her tongue to hold back her remark and let the car fall into silence. She hated that topic and now it was stuck in her mind. She had never met that person and she never wanted to. She had no open-mindedness to offer because she would never be okay with it. And she wished she could just yell it out until it got through Lidia’s thick sand castles and baby cupids and stupid pink heartshaped butterflies: meeting your soulmate was terrible.

Sure they were supposed to be your other half, but they could literally be on the other side of the world. With different cultures and upbringings, you could be paired with a terrorist, misogynist, psychopath, the list went on. Who was it to say that person would actually fit your personality and values? Absolutely nothing, as history showed. Quite frankly, the fifty percent of the populace that never met them were the lucky ones. Never meeting them meant never experiencing withdrawals of absence. Never bending or nullifying your beliefs and values for the sake of someone else that, though unique, was probably not even the best match for you.

Because let’s face it: though science had proven its existence, who was to say the bond meant the same to everyone, or that it should be the same? For scientists, it was perceived more as an absolute physical attraction that would lead to the best procreation. That had nothing to do with love, with fated partners, or whatever else was mediatized. It all looked more like a romanticized publicity trope used to sell way more chocolates, flowers, and cards than Valentine’s Day. Or to make people feel misfitted and incomplete until they did find that person, instigating them to consume goods, programs, matchmaking events, anything that could speed that along. Why should anyone live with the unrelenting weight of not having met someone they never needed? That could ruin them, their lives? It was all terrible!

She would have known if she had met that person. Though she in general avoided physical contact, the mere presence of the other person was supposed to be enough for the both of them to know. She of course had no idea what it would feel like, soulbonds were also reported with different intensities for different people, but she was sure she’d know if that fateful moment ever occurred. Moreover, she would feel the withdrawal. Though tolerable to some, especially with medication, it would be impossible not to feel anything. She knew that’s how it would always play out: even if she avoided them and ran through the nearest exit as soon as she felt the bond, the need would hunt her, both of them, for as long as they lived. That was something she was willing to endure, though she honestly hoped she never had to. If she never met him, she’d never have to. So, she wished she never would. Simple.

Freya glanced at Lidia, who was now pulling over the security of the event and showing them her badge. Lidia couldn’t possibly understand her standpoint, and as much as they would fight about it, Freya wasn’t interested in shattering her dreams. If Lidia could one day live happily ever after with her fated mate and actually be happy, Freya would gladly support her. She just couldn’t be deluded by the idea like Lidia.

Their nine years of friendship were very precious to Freya. Though the focus on her career had led her astray from many of her friendships, Lidia always stuck by her. She was one of her dearest friends. She would always call and catch up on her, whether Freya was at a fashion runway, strike, or in a warzone. Maybe that was why Lidia was the only person she ever gave two cents to in regard to soulbonding. Everyone else was free to be their own idiot, but Lidia was her idiot. Freya didn’t want to see her get hurt. Lidia felt the exact same way, she knew that. It was the only reason they fought about it in the first place.

Lidia parked the car in the underground parking lot and Freya was forced to move. They were still by the entrance of the arena, the lights from the streets made their way to where they were. Lidia opened the trunk and Freya got her material ready. There was noise in the air and she kept trying to figure out what it was.

Lidia closed the trunk when Freya gave the nod and Freya’s blue eyes widened in shock. Beyond the entrance, behind the security barrier, there was a sea of people. People chanting, jumping, and screaming.

Lidia was smirking at the sight, “Not your typical warzone, is it?”

Freya pulled her camera that was hanging on her chest to her face, regulating the lens to focus on them. They were mostly girls shouting, around their twenties, some if that. They had colorful banners with letters stamped on them and sticks with a ball that seemed to shine.

Click.

She looked briefly at the photo on the view screen, then up again at them. She was surprised.

“No, but similar. What could it be that makes them act like that?”

Lidia was passing her her media badge to access the event.

“Boys.”

He woke up from his nap, dazed. He kept having the same dream. He had had it for a while and in the beginning, he couldn’t remember it properly. Now, he could. No faces or characteristics, but he knew it was always the same person he dreamt of. When he told it to the others, they thought it had to be his soulmate and he had found the idea hilarious at first, that was impossible. But then, with the years, he started wondering. Was it that far-fetched that there was a connection between them if they were two pieces of the same soul? Maybe their pieces had an incredible bond and that was why he could dream of her.

Her. He couldn’t remember much, but he did remember that, which brought more weight to the possibility of her being his soulmate since soulmates were always of the opposite sex. For him, love or a partner was always about the connection, the person, not about their appearance or gender. He never felt like he had a gender preference because he would always look at personality first, but his soulmate would be female and he was okay with it. Though honestly, despite dreaming of her occasionally, he couldn’t conceive a relationship — he hadn’t had a serious one in almost ten years.

Life made it that way, and he accepted it. His career had taken off in a way he had dreamed and actually achieved. He was surrounded by amazing people, professionals, friends, and family alike. He had his fans, who supported him and allowed him to live every single one of his dreams, from making music, to not worrying about money, to being able to support his family comfortably. Did he ever wonder if loneliness was a price to pay for it all? Yes. Did he think it was? No. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, or his soulmate. They would show in due time. He was living, bit by bit, in tranquility.

He of course thought about what would happen if he met her. Seokjin and Hoseok had found theirs and they were exceedingly happy. They gave all others the hope of a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment, though none were particularly searching for it. ARMYs didn't know about their discovery, they had decided it that way. Not even necessarily because of the fans, but because of the sasaengs and paparazzi. The lack of privacy would be overwhelming and the men didn't wish to ruin their soulmates' lives.

If anyone had to choose who appeared the least interested in the whole soulmate trope it would probably be him. Yoongi was known for many things, he was aware, and the top included being snarky, lazy, and perfectionist. Some probably saw him as the most cold, obsessed with his music, a workaholic. It was somewhat true, he shrugged. Ideas were constantly in his mind and he was the happiest if he was putting them to life. That meant spending a lot of time by himself in the comfort and safety of his studio, space, and mind. It also meant he slept a lot. None of those characteristics meant he actually was cold or uninterested in finding his soulmate. Quite on the contrary, sometimes it felt it was the exact piece that was missing. He lived with it, but he wouldn't deny it or reject it if it happened. He would welcome her wholeheartedly, he had been waiting for some time now.

There was pressure to perform in front of thousands of people that night, as it was BTS’s last tour date in Europe, in Berlin. He was very tired, exhausted really, as were the others, but they were persevering. They had to, the quiet that would come after would be both a soothing balm and a curse. They had to make the best of it while they could, no matter what.

He was reflecting on that, at the backstage lounge after having slept a nap. The others were getting ready for the concert in other ways, though they were all quiet as the stress was building up. He walked out to reach the stylist's room and get his makeup done, knowing he would be the last one to do so when he felt it. He stumbled against the door awkwardly, completely taken by surprise. He looked around in shock, meeting the makeup artists’, hairdressers’, and stylists' surprised looks.

She was there. She was there somewhere.

He was there somewhere. Freya was certain of it. She knew she would know when it happened and she knew. She was terrified, petrified in place, but she knew.

“Freya, what’s wrong?”

Lidia sounded worried and Freya blinked blankly for a second. She had fallen against the wall and was now leaning against it. People were passing in between them in that corridor in both directions, oblivious to them, most speaking a language she didn’t understand.

Freya immediately forced a smile, dismissing her question. “I’m fine, I just tripped.”

Lidia accepted it because, in the turmoil of people running around backstage, that wasn’t surprising. Little did she know what happened. Freya was nearly sweating from nervousness, her body too hot to handle the May warmth.

How could that be, she thought, while following Lidia. She had lived in Berlin her whole life, why would it have to happen at a boy band concert? It made no sense, at all. On one hand, she had been super lucky to never stumble on him her whole life. On the other, really, a boy band concert? What if it was one of the fanboys outside?

That was her worst nightmare coming to reality. She wasn’t one to wallow in self-pity, but for fuck’s sake she almost had it. She almost lived a life in ignorance, free of fated bullcrap and withdrawal symptoms. Now she was facing her options: to run away immediately, to finish the job and hopefully never stumble on him, or to search for him. The latter wasn’t an option, and to leave without finishing the job was unprofessional. Lidia had asked her to be there to photograph that piece, the last concert date of the boy band in Europe, and she felt obligated to carry it through. They had an exclusive interview for their culture magazine and those photographs would make the fans go insane. Her professional code was above all else, she had fought tooth and nail to achieve everything she had. She vowed to never let her soulmate change her and it would certainly not start now.

Avoiding the person would probably be impossible, she considered, still following Lidia. The stadium was packed with fans and crew, there was no avoiding whoever it was. Since people kept passing through her constantly, she thought their bond must be pretty strong. Otherwise, how could it be that the sensation wasn’t fading as the person walked past her? They probably weren’t even walking past her. They were just somewhere in the vicinity.

There was no photoshoot scheduled, just the interview. When they walked into the artists' backstage lounge it was relatively quiet. There were seven, distinctively sitting in the corner of the room that had been lit and specially prepared for the occasion. Freya was surprised the artist’s crew had prepared that small arrangement for the interview, as it would usually be up to the magazine to arrange it.

She stayed by the door and grabbed her camera, pulling it to her face.

Lidia walked ahead with a gorgeous smile, “Hello everyone! Are we late? I hope you didn't wait long.”

The question was rhetorical, they were well ahead of time. Freya was immediately immersed in seeing life through her lens. She would do what she did best, soulmate pull bothering her or not.

She did not pay attention to the conversation between Lidia and the publicists, managers, and whoever else. She was certain Lidia pointed at her because she saw it through her camera.

"Just ignore her," Lidia said with a smile, glancing back at the camera. Lidia knew she liked to work in peace.

She wasn't a photographer who would take a thousand pictures to be able to choose one. She would take ten to choose five. That meant being very conscious of every angle, light, positioning, and framing. Everything had to be perfect. She had won awards for pictures she barely had to edit precisely because of her attention to detail. In warzones, she was severely limited in time and supplies, she had to make due. It wasn't the same circumstance, but her work ethic applied.

She liked seeing the crew work around them tirelessly and she wasn't shy about snapping photos of them. She was certain then that the concert was only about 20% the actual musicians. Not to diminish their work, but the show itself was not of their making. They were just starring in it.

The interview was well underway when she turned to the artists themselves. That wasn't problematic, their smile wouldn't change between the first and last question. She actually believed they'd relax more as the questions progressed, making their photos portray their true nature better.

Those thirty minutes flew truly by. She quickly scanned the photos she took through the view screen to make sure she had all seven in perfect soul-capturing moments, but she frowned. There was one that was different. He was speaking in the photo she took, he had an honest expression, and a beautiful complexion, but she didn't feel like the photo was as good as the others. He wasn't captured as well.

She raised her eyes to look at him and her heart jumped a beat. He was looking down, hands over his crossed legs. His hair was beautifully styled over his forehead, he looked almost like a doll. He sure was frozen, but she knew he was listening. His bandmate was answering a question in English and Lidia laughed, not too loud but not fakely either. That man smiled, not out of politeness, but out of understanding. Out of deeper thoughts. Something more meaningful.

Click.

She hadn't even thought of it, she had to capture it. Her stomach was twisting, she wasn't feeling too well. Damned soulbond shenanigans. She usually did very well in crowds, but she suddenly felt claustrophobic. She slipped through the entrance door and left. She was fighting hard for what was happening so as not to ruin her day.

He was barely containing himself. He had an urge, an energy pulse that wanted to pull at him and take him somewhere. He was sitting as still as he could, respectfully listening to the interview and answering when appropriate. He felt his smile might give it away, so he kept looking down. Some of the others noticed and touched him soothingly in worry, patting his back or shoulder softly. He stayed quiet, he couldn’t tell them yet.

When the journalist left and the room emptied a bit in the last ten minutes before the final preparations, he was finally free.

"What's wrong, Yoongi?" Hoseok was worried.

"Yeah, why didn't you answer the next album question?" Namjoon’s tone wasn't of irritation, just curiosity. "It's your question."

"You were really stiff too," Jimim commented with a concerned pout. They were next to each other and Jimin had at one point patted his lower back.

"Guys, let him talk," Seokjin interfered, waving his hand in front of his face. Was he getting hot? Cause Yoongi was burning up, and sweating without the show even starting.

"Look at him, he's flustered," Taehyung commented, looking at him from real close. Yoongi scoffed and brushed him away.

"Here's water, hyung," Jungkook offered him a water bottle which he gladly took.

"Guys," his voice sounded weird even to him. Since when was it this emotional? "I feel it."

"What?"

"Are you sick?"

"Don't push yourself too hard."

"Guys!" He grabbed Taehyung by the shoulders, who was still close and personal. He would have been annoyed if the occasion was different, he really didn’t care now. "I feel it. Her. She's here somewhere tonight. I feel it right now."

Chaos ensued, with some congratulations and some worries echoing throughout the room. They barely had a minute to discuss it with their manager Sejin, the first to be informed.

They were rushed to the level underneath the stage and the manager just smacked Yoongi’s shoulder, "Focus on the show. We'll find her after."

He was nervous now, and not about the show. His mind was processing the facts now. The person wasn't in the crew, he would have felt it before. It had to be someone who entered the venue when he felt it. That could be anyone, from fans to workers, and little could be done to slim the number down from tens of thousands to one. That thought made him despair. How would he ever find her in so many people?

"Hey," Namjoon had his hand over his shoulder. His eyes had a glint of concern, but his expression exuded confidence. "She feels you too." Yoongi nodded, taking a deep breath. "She'll probably come forward after the concert."

"She's probably an ARMY," Hoseok winked. Yoongi just shrugged, he didn't care if she was. That was the least of his concerns right now.

"Just think this is for her, for all of them," Jimin added with a light smile.

Yoongi nodded and rushed to the stage, the same as them. He gave it his all. He was exhausted, but he wasn't giving up. He knew he shocked his brothers because he had probably never shown such a performance before. He couldn't explain it. He had newfound energy, and hope. Things would be different from now on, for the best. The thought that she was listening, and seeing him perform gave him an extra incentive. He teased the public way more than usual. He rarely displayed his English skills as openly, but the circumstances told him she couldn't be Korean. Whoever she was in that crowd, he wanted to make sure she knew they could communicate. Could she even tell it was him? She was probably as lost as he was.

The pull was hard. Freya was facing the whole crowd from that spot, near the stage. She could easily take pictures of the stage, as well as the fans. She was trying to focus on her job, but something kept interrupting her. Sometimes she would feel goosebumps all over her body, though she did not know why. Maybe if that guy stopped talking on the microphone all the time, she could actually hear herself think.

She rubbed her eyes with a sigh; the show was almost ending, it would be over soon. She was particularly snappy because of the bond-induced tension, she knew that. She would be able to leave as soon as it ended, just a little while longer.

Or so she thought. The venue started emptying and Lidia insisted for them to stay. She didn't complain at first, taking pictures of the heartbroken fans when the show ended. Most of them were emotional, tears staining their faces, but they were smiling. For them, it must have been a life experience to see BTS on stage. If only Freya could have appreciated it as much. She also wanted to cry. She wanted to run away so badly.

The venue was nearly empty when a publicist showed up to call for Lidia. Apparently, there were some matters left to discuss. Lidia nudged Freya, saying how nice it was of them to let them experience the concert for free before getting back to business. Freya knew it was nice, but she just shrugged. She wanted to leave.

But she couldn't, Lidia was her ride. She could always run away either way, but it wasn't professional.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asked, willing.

"No, it's just a meeting. Footage of the fans leaving, the empty poststage and backstage, or even the tired artists are more important. Make it count," Lidia winked before leaving. She probably didn't notice Freya’s expression, as excited as if she was sucking on a sour lemon.

She needed to calm down, she thought. She had to be professional above all else. She could not, and would not, have that stupid occurrence ruin her photojournalist reputation. Over her dead body.

She exited the designated area, aimlessly taking shots whenever she felt it was worth it. She had her bag with other lenses that she would switch occasionally. She got lost.

Yoongi was despairing. He couldn't help it. He wasn't even listening to the argument anymore. He was focused on the feeling, on the internal drum. He was panicked that it was going to disappear in a heartbeat.

"There's nothing we can do! We can't prevent the fans from leaving the venue, we can't force them to leave one by one. Not to mention that just touching the subject would immediately destroy any option of privacy for Yoongi or his soulmate." Sejin was being reasonable, everyone knew that. But one glance at Yoongi's face said it all. It was not enough.

Namjoon kept arguing, but Yoongi turned around to face the mirror, closing his eyes. He felt someone behind him.

"Do you still feel it?" Jungkook’s kind voice asked.

He nodded with his heart tight in his chest. He did feel it, he felt it better now, if that made sense. It was called a pull for a reason. He felt pulled, compelled to move, to go somewhere. He didn't know where, he didn't know if it worked and it was probably not safe for him to leave that room. But he felt it as though he was a compass with an arrow juggling around. No one was going to find her but him. And he absolutely couldn't lose her.

He opened his eyes and confidently walked out, not paying attention to anyone. He didn't notice his brothers calling or manager Sejin telling them to let him go. The venue was nearly empty, maybe one-fourth of the fans were still around. He still felt her, so maybe they had a chance.

He walked to the higher levels completely on a gut feeling. He hadn't even changed outfits or showered yet, he was straight out of the stage with a gray hoodie and black tight pants. He had a black headband over his hairline that kept his short dark brown hair from falling down his eyes and the sweat from dripping. None of it mattered though, he didn’t have time to look presentable, he needed to find her.

When he reached the higher level, he wasn't even afraid to meet fans, the thought didn’t occur to him. He just stumbled, numb. He could barely feel it anymore, it was like a pulled elastic at the end. It was still there, and so was she. Yet, for a second his chest filled with anguish and it physically hurt. He had no sense of direction anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. He was failing and it was useless, he had no idea of what to do.

People were starting to mumble around him and he was brought back to reality. He needed an escape, to hide the repressed feelings that were starting to make his chest hurt. There was a door in front of him. He entered the room, slamming the door behind him.

Freya was walking aimlessly, completely lost. There weren't that many people around and she wasn't really interested in taking pictures anymore. The moment had passed. She hoped to catch the band leaving, knowing that was the kind of shot her magazine could appreciate for the online version of the article.

The more she kept going, the more sure she became that she was going the wrong way. She was effectively ignoring her surroundings and just going. The crew was going in the opposite direction, the fangirls and security too. She tried convincing herself that was totally normal. It was totally her own will taking her somewhere in order to snap more pictures. It was not that gut-wrenching pull telling her she had to be somewhere.

She was walking down a corridor when she suddenly froze. Her body was burning up, her heart racing out of control, but her gut clearly knew that was it. No need to go further. She was deaf at that point, the bond so strong it was a deafening physical energy current around her pushing her in only one direction: the door in front of her.

Everything else was muffled and unimportant. Yet from the outside of the door, she could already feel she shouldn’t open it. The force was so strong it was numbing. Her hand hovered over the door knob and she wondered how it wasn't vibrating with the resonance of such a powerful pull. She wanted to fight it with all of her strength, and her hand trembled. It would change her life forever if she opened that door. She didn't want that to happen.

But she wasn't strong enough, it was just so much stronger than her. She succumbed to it, fatefully so. She grabbed the doorknob and tried to rationalize it. It couldn’t hurt to see him at least once, or at least to tell him she wasn't and wasn't ever going to be interested. Yeah, that's it. That was why she had to get in there. It wasn't that person's fault and she should at least tell him that.

She entered the room quickly, a small meeting room, and closed the door without turning. Inside, the pull became like a magnetic field, all around them like walls, instead of a single string. She turned slowly around and saw a man standing behind the center table, having risen from his chair, staring at her in shock. He was different than she expected, though she expected nothing. He looked tired, that was her first thought. Why was he so tired? His dark brown hair was wet with sweat and falling over his headband. His eyes were smaller than she would expect, and darker. His skin was so pale she wondered if it was porcelain; was that makeup? He was her height it would seem, though bulkier than her. That hoodie did not give much away, but he looked comfortable. She was somewhat happy he was comfortable, despite his tiredness.

Her eyes were glued to him like nothing else existed because nothing else did. She was walking slowly in his direction, completely unaware. She had heard of the trance but she never thought it would be that strong. Her body moved on its own, her mind clouded as if she was high on drugs. She was such a strong-willed person, and yet it seemed all her convictions evaporated. Her legs were jello and would only move in his direction. She argued that it was only physical, her mind was still alert. Yet they were a step away from each other when she recognized her own lie. Her mind was as interested as her body, especially because she recognized him. But from where?

They shouldn't have touched, she thought. As soon as their hands did there was no denying it. There was no reasoning that could explain what was happening, except soulmating. Her chest filled with cheer bliss while her whole body warmed up like crazy as if she was a firework ready to pop in a million colors. And it was strange to recognize the same sort of emotion in such foreign eyes, in a stranger's face. She felt endeared by that face, propelled to care for that person with the clear consciousness that she did not know him. And her heart, or should she say soul, was at peace with it.

She struggled with that thought. First, because she thought they would instantly love each other blindly or something, and she didn’t want that to happen. Second, because it confirmed her own theories that soulbonding would erase her sense of self, her autonomy, and her individuality. She would be damned if she’d ever let any of that happen.

She knew nothing would ever feel the same or compare to him. However, knowing it in theory or feeling it in practice were very different things. Every particle of her body and soul agreed that was it, her other half, and no other person, relationship or bond would ever replace it. She looked at her hands in his and she had to close her eyes for a second to control her emotions. The urge to hug him was making her toes curl.

“What’s your name?”

Her eyes jumped to him and widened. She knew him, she heard his voice a lot tonight. She pictured him without the headband in a pretty black suit and she gasped. He was one of the guys from the band! She was completely shaken to her core; how was that possible?! Weren’t they from the other side of the world?

Then she shook her head, but of course he was. He didn’t live in Berlin, or else they’d have met before. He only happened to come to Berlin, and she only happened to be invited to work that piece last minute. Lidia would call it fate.

“What’s your name?”

His voice gave her goosebumps. He was saying it in English, not German, but she was totally fine with it. Despite the slight demand from his voice, he was using a loving tone. A soft caress to her ears meant to not trouble her. But she was troubled, deeply. She fought to keep her mouth shut, clenching her teeth and looking away. She saw his chest heave to take in a breath before insisting on knowing her name and she panicked. She couldn’t deny him if he kept asking, her soul wouldn’t allow it. So she kissed him.

She censored herself for a millisecond before their lips touched. Kissing him went against everything she stood for. First and foremost, because she was invading his privacy, his personal space. She was attacking him, sexually assaulting him for fuck’s sake. Soulmate or not, that couldn’t be taken lightly. Second, because it was disrespectful as a whole to kiss someone without knowing if they consented. What if he had a girlfriend or was married? Third, because she wanted to keep her distance from her soulmate. They were never supposed to have met, let alone touch or kiss. She wanted to leave, run away, and never look back. No matter the pain it would cause them both. That was too selfish of her and the more they dove in, the more she would hurt him, wound him. His soul, the other part of her. He was an unlucky bastard to be fated to be her other half.

Despite the flawless logic in all of those thoughts, she couldn’t stop her lips and he didn’t seem to mind. He was surprised for a second, before supporting her waist with his hands carefully while she grabbed his head in place. For someone who wanted to run away as soon as possible, she sure was keeping him firmly in her grip.

She forced him to walk back until he was against the wall. She did so because now he had nowhere to go, she could press her body against him. She felt absolute ecstasy running through her blood. She could not stop kissing him. She could not be stopped. She vaguely thought the only way would be for him to ask it, and she doubted he ever would.

His hands stayed respectfully at her waist, frustratingly so. It was infuriating in a way how he seemed to be more in control than she was when she was the one who didn’t want this to happen. She should be outraged that they were kissing without her consent. She didn’t have the mind space to think about that though, she would reflect on being a hypocrite later.

For now, his lips tasted like heaven. She was going into all the corny tropes because they fit exactly how she felt. She was riding the wave of a rush and it was divine. She had never been high on LSD or cocaine, but she imagined it came close to that. Her tongue had no problems invading his mouth, provoking hot waves of pleasure to reverberate through her whole body. The way he just accepted it, as if giving her the full reins of it, stupidly turned her on, egged her on. He was the only one who could stop her, why didn’t he?

She fought hard to stop their makeout session and pulled away, panting uncontrollably. She was eating him alive. So much for saying ‘goodbye, let’s never see each other again’.

“You… What's your name?”

Their faces were still glued together, his arms around her. She pushed herself away and turned to the side, covering her mouth with her right hand. Somehow, pulling away from him exhausted her. She felt like even gravity was against her. She stayed like that, panting at a short but safe distance, looking at him.

After a moment of silence, he walked to a chair and sat down. The corners of his lips were raised in a small smile, he looked calm. He had all the time in the world, it seemed. Well, she didn't, she had other things to do. Like running away and never look back. Stupid soulbond was too heavy, her legs were stomped.

He pointed at the chair across from him, on the other side of the table. "Please, sit."

She wanted to scream. He was being so gentle, so condescending. Was she an idiot that couldn't keep herself away? Y- No. She wasn't a fangirl. She was a hard-working adult. An award-winning photojournalist. She was in control. Mostly. She couldn't even look away from him, that empty chair had nothing on him.

She tried calming herself down. She took her camera strip out of her neck, letting the camera sit on the table, and then she also dropped her lens bag on the floor next to it. Her breathing was stabilizing and she swallowed dryly. He was patiently waiting for her. He looked like a mythological God observing her, a mere mortal, to cope with his presence. And she had all the intentions of kneeling and begging for whatever mercy he could give.

She scoffed and pulled her copper hair back, out of her face. It was good. That soulmate thing… It was strong. She never thought it would get to that point. She knew when to admit defeat. And that was certainly, still, not the time to.

She took a step forward, convinced that she was in control. She was going to put her hand on his shoulder and say, ‘I’m sorry it had to be me. I’m not interested. Let’s forget this ever happened.'

Her hand actually hovered over his shoulder for a moment, when her blue eyes deviated to the exposed skin of his neck. Her hand trembled while she struggled between her wills, visceral thoughts opposing one another. He must have seen her inner battle because he extended his hand and guided hers to his shoulder calmingly. It tipped the scales.

Her hormones, body, whatever it was took control. What she wanted beyond him didn’t matter, no one beyond him mattered. She felt like everything in life was secondary, a faded background, dim against his brightness. There was only one thing she wanted.

Her leg heaved to the other side of him and she sat on top of his legs. He seemed to be expecting her lips when she leaned forward to greet him. His hands went to rest carefully by her waist while hers kept by his neck. He was taking her kisses fully, meeting her passion without ever imposing. But she was hungry. She started grinding herself against him and as soon as she could feel his hard-on clearly through his pants and her shorts, she just couldn’t stop anymore.

Her mind became foggy and nothing else but their pleasure meant anything. There was something at the end of the rainbow and she wanted it. Not want, want. Like the need to breathe. He grunted and parted their lips, trying to look around, at them, at her.

She got up with a weird sense of ease. She unbuttoned her shorts without ever dropping her eyes from him. His, however, accompanied the fabric’s descent down her naked legs. She pulled her panties down in the same motion and he seemed to understand. His expression was now serious, as she imagined hers. She wanted it, like oxygen. Like daylight. He could stop it though. One word and her world would crumble.

He extended his right hand for her to take. She took it and got closer. He meant to get up, but she stopped him. She unbuttoned his pants herself while her heart drummed in her chest. It wasn’t even about what he was going to look like or anything of the sort. She just had to feel him.

She got on his lap and immediately pulled his erection out. It was hard and shiny, extending proudly upwards. Their eyes met and no words were spoken. His hands were on her hips and she just did what she was supposed to. She sat down.

It had never felt that way before. She was never the most sexual person, but it was not supposed to feel like that. If she had a will, it vanished then. Her completeness could not be described. It was like an explosion of color, like a gust of wind, like the stars on the black pane of the universe. She was a boat looking to anchor, he was the nest she came to sleep in.

Once the cosmic waves were done resonating in her nerves, she opened her eyes, aware. It was like seeing everything blurry and then putting on glasses. She understood. She could barely think, but she knew she understood. And looking at his eyes, she knew he did too. His arms raised around her in a tight embrace to keep her close while her hips started rolling. She felt embraced, and accepted, like a promise was being made. Their bodies were giving something to each other because that was the only way their souls could be one again. That pleasure making her skin stretch was the extent their souls would ever touch each other. That was sad in a way, making her feel anguish. Yet he kissed her chest, right over her heart, making her come to an almost full stop. He was promising. She started moving again. That promise would only be real if they committed. If their souls actually touched and joined.

She had never felt pleasure like that. She thought she would reach her orgasm very soon, but somehow there was more. Like an endless staircase to heaven. He grew impatient with kissing her shirt and forced it out. She gladly helped. His lips on her skin were everything, and she moaned through clenched teeth at the shock. His tongue darted out to feel her breasts, contouring her bra edges and sneaking in as much as he could. She was still going, jumping as low as possible so he could do it. She grew impatient and her hands reached her back to release the bra when he stopped her.

He grabbed her hands, “No, don’t stop.”

It was a catalyst, if there could be one. His hands groped her firmly everywhere while she got lost in the feeling of riding him. She was now moaning with every motion, so ready to reach him whenever he was.

He grunted from the back of his throat, “Fuck.”

She nodded approvingly and felt the instant he was ready. She forced his hands on her breasts to squeeze hard while she sat down strongly a few times, making him go so deep it nearly hurt.

Only it was pure bliss. She closed her eyes and all she could see was golden. Golden waves with particles of light. Her body trembled in spasms, her voice muted without breath. Her body felt like it was hovering in a breeze, floating. She could feel his hands, his body, inside and out. She felt warm and safe. Home.

It lasted maybe fifteen seconds. Then, the golden waves receded, the lights disappeared like stars in the morning sky, her body floated softly to the ground, and it was done. Her head fell over his shoulder and his hand came to rest on her hair. They were both panting. They promised, it was done. She was hugging him as tightly as she could. She was scared to open her eyes.

You can go here to keep reading [ao3] (this story is finished) 💜

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dottores · 2 years

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12:17 PM | sanzu h.

pairing: sanzu haruchiyo x fem!reader

summary: post-toman vs kanto manji gang fight, you visit your boyfriend in the hospital.

warnings: spoilers for most recent chapter but none other than that — implied timeleaper sanzu, kakucho survives

notes: i wrote this in an hour at work diosidisjd ignore spelling/grammar errors LMAO

wordcount: 1.3k

you stared at him, head tilted to the side, lips parted in shock. “you… what?”

sanzu glared up at you from where he was sitting up in the hospital bed, you bit down on your lower lip, trying to hide the smile that rose to your face.

“fuck off,” he said, but the words were half-hearted and counteracted by the red flush that spread across his face.

you giggled, moving to sit on the bed next to him, wrapping an arm around him as he leaned into you. you turned your head to the side, pressing your lips against the side of his head as he rested his head against your chest, long lashes fluttering shut.

“who just drives a fucking motorcycle into someone?” sanzu muttered petulantly, voice muffled against you, and you desperately tried to hide another giggle, pressing your face against the top of his head, burying your face into his hair.

“probably someone with the same mindset of someone that brings a katana to a fist fight. or someone that brings a train to a fist fight,” you murmured, and your arms tightened slightly around him as he bristled like an angry cat.

“it would have been efficient,” he said, not looking at you, and your eyes narrowed.

“haruchiyo,” you warned, voice low, and sanzu slumped back into you, letting out a long breath against you as his eyes slid shut.

“no one died,” he argued.

“kakucho almost did,” you countered, “or did you forget he’s in the hospital room across the hall? i’ve had to fend off all of the remaining s62 generation from coming in here and beating you to death in your hospital bed, and let me tell you the haitanis are persistent.”

sanzu didn’t reopen his eyes but his lips turned down, his fingers rubbing soft patterns on your leg as he rested against you.

“i’m sorry,” he said, and you let out a soft sigh, bringing your free hand up to cup his cheek, lifting his face from your chest. his eyes fluttered back open at the touch, pretty blue ones looking right back up at you. you leaned in and pressed your lips against his gently, thumb tracing the scar on the right corner of his lip.

“you scared me,” your throat was tight as you spoke the words aloud for the first time. “you scared me a lot, haruchiyo. i wouldn’t have even known what was going on if kokonoi hajime hadn’t gone out of his way to find me after the fact. when he told me…”

your grip around him tightened instinctively and he let out a hiss, a grimace flashing across his face. you loosened your hold immediately, running soothing circles over his skin as an apology.

sanzu didn’t respond, you took in another shaky breath, letting him rest his head back against your chest. you brought your own palm to press against the skin above his heart, the steady thump putting you at ease.

sanzu covered the back of your hand with his palm, wincing as he let out an exhale.

“promise me you’ll stop with this,” and you knew it was useless to ask. sanzu would never stop so long as mikey was around. a part of you genuinely hoped that hanagaki takemichi had gotten through to the other boy because you were sick and tired of sanzu coming home hurt—this was too close of a call. you weren’t sure how much more you could handle.

he didn’t respond, he didn’t even open his eyes to acknowledge your words and you had half a mind to slap him for ignoring you but you supposed that the silence was answer enough. you grit your teeth tight, grateful that he wasn’t looking at you so he wouldn’t see the way your eyes watered.

“promise me you’ll be more careful,” you amended, “and you’ll stop with these ridiculous plans.”

“… fine,” he agreed after a moment, “i’ll be more careful.”

you very much noticed how he avoided the second half of your statement, but you supposed you could press later. you were happy with the current progress and didn’t want to push your luck.

“hanagaki came here,” sanzu’s eyes flew back open at your words, a sort of panic and wariness that you’d never quite seen in him before. your lips tugged down at the reaction and you leaned in to press your lips against his forehead, watching as his eyes fluttered back shut and he relaxed back into your arms. “he only wanted to talk, you were still sleeping though.”

“keep telling him that,” he murmured, “i don’t want to talk to him.”

“you were the one that tried to kill him,” you pointed out and sanzu’s brow furrowed.

“no, that’s not why,” he said. he didn’t elaborate and you wondered, briefly, what you were missing but sanzu didn’t seem inclined to explain.

you sighed, burying your face into his hair and shutting your eyes, “you’re gonna kill me, haruchiyo, all this worry and stress…”

sanzu gripped the forearm of the arm you had wrapped around him tightly, “don’t say that,” his voice was hoarser than you expected and he had tensed, trying to sit up and you opened your eyes again, confused. worry hit you hard when you noticed the haunted, genuinely distressed look on his face. “i don’t care what i have to do, you’ll live. okay? i won’t let you die, not aga-“

he cut himself off abruptly and you drowned deeply:

“haruchiyo,” you began, bringing one hand up to rest against his cheek but his hand darted up to catch it, holding it tight.

“okay?” he asked more urgently, and you forced yourself to nod, unsure of where the sudden burst of emotion had come from but you needed him to relax before he aggravated his wounds.

“okay,” you said softly, and he let out a shaky breath, resting back against you. you returned to holding him, arms gentle around his thin form, hand pressed against his chest to feel his steady heartbeat. “you should get some more rest.”

“i’m not tired,” sanzu protested but his eyes were drooping shut even as he spoke the words. you giggled as you kissed the top of his head again, fingers running gently through his soft, pink hair, lulling him to sleep.

“sleep,” you murmured, and he hummed against you.

“no,” he said, and you nearly rolled your eyes but instead only smiled against the top of his head as his breath slowly began to even out.

“one day,” you said softly, as to not startle him from how he was slowly dozing off, “you’re gonna tell me everything.”

his voice was slurred and sleepy as he agreed, “one day.”

#sanzu x reader #sanzu x you #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev x you

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bylightofdawn · 4 months

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Does anyone else get haunted by the knowledge that in a few hundred years from now (yes I'm gonna be an optimist and hope there will be humans in a few hundred years) that people are going to look back at our written words and laugh themselves silly over what they find? Sure if our digital age continues at least that might be slightly less awful to read but you know the amount of errors and misspellings we do because we've been taught 'hooked on phonics' and what have you. Which might be serviceable for learning how to read but is complete and utter shit for teaching people to spell?

And since we've frankly gotten lazy and so used to our little pocket computers auto correcting our spelling that if we have to actually write something out then we're fucked. So we know this NOW but imagine what people 500 or 100 years from now are going to think when they find exant writing and immediately lose their shit like we do over middle english? (much less old english) The general populace is pretty much oh, look at those silly, quaint and uneducated people putting their ye and their olde's into everything, etc. And like….completely ignoring the fact it was literally just a handful of languages thrown into a stew pot and left to melt into a bastardized version of SOMETHING. So we look at it and it just looks like a typo riddled hot mess to our modern eye.

Now imagine someone finding our exant modern writing examples and tell me they wouldn't do the same thing. All those desperate attempts at phonetically trying to spell certain words and our utter and miserable failures. Not to mention our SLANG, often completely centralized in certain areas. Philly's infamous Jawn comes to mind right off the top of my head. Or AAVE. I'm clearly speaking from a English speaking American POV but I know other languages and cultures have the same fun flavors and things that make language so endlessly fascinating.

Also imagine someone finding our tumblr blogs with our widdle meow meow and our blorbos, our baby girls and any of a dozen weird tumblr specific vernacular which is kinda it's own weird tumblr ecosystem dialect.

These poor bastards in the future are going to be SO CONFUSED. And at LEAST we have a centuries long record of how the English language has evolved and changed over the years to help guide us. But for dead languages or ones that don't have that rich history of documentation? Lets say some awful global event happens and we lose their history, they're going to be even more confused by our little meow meows because maybe something like the knowledge cats = meow survives because it's so prevelant. But why the fuck are we calling these random characters who have no feline features our little meow meows?

So yeah, that's the shit I think about sometimes. And it haunts me.

Also this entire post was brought to you by my struggling for a good four minutes to try and figure out how to spell buoyancy and the many fucked up and terrible attempts I made desperately trying to get close enough my spellchecker would understand wtf I was trying to type only for it to keep suggesting bouncy?

#el ponders life #instead of writing #language is fun

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jinxed-ninjago · 1 year

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Okay, I want to make a post about Llourumi because I feel like people are too harsh on it, especially after Crystalized.

Harumi's not evil, I've made a post about this previously. She's misguided at the absolute worst. She thinks she's doing the right thing and once she learns she's been basically going after the wrong thing since the Devourer incident, she completely changes. She helps Garm and Lloyd defeat the Overlord, and, fair reminder, she basically SOLD HER SOUL TO THE OVERLORD FOR CONTINUED LIFE. She had pledged her allegiance to the Overlord in the most extreme way possible but betrayed him anyway, and you know what happens in those kinds of plotlines: person who sold their soul to higher power ends up DEAD. Not just this, but Harumi is shown in A Sinister Shadow to be just as easy to manipulate as Lloyd because of her ideals and the fact that she's so misguided, something the Overlord took advantage of.

NONE of this changes the fact that she did manipulate and abuse Lloyd, even going as far as to -- in my view -- sexually harass/assault Lloyd in Sons of Garmadon and Return to Primeval's Eye (saying this because she makes advances on him, both verbal and physical, despite him not being into it in that moment). She still abused and manipulated Lloyd, and Lloyd's still traumatized from it if his feelings about Vania at the beginning of Master of the Mountain are anything to go off of.

However, it's ALSO worth noting that Lloyd still feels attraction towards her. He still likes her romantically, to the point he risked quite a bit trying to find her in the debris of the building collapse.

Harumi's feelings for Lloyd are also implied to have been genuine, even if she was using it for her own gain. She cares about him enough that she tries to sway Lloyd to the Overlord's side instead of killing him like she was supposed to.

So what's my point here?

There's still mutual feelings between them both. Lloyd obviously has trauma to work through if Lloyd and Harumi are ever going to have a healthy relationship (probably Harumi too), but I don't think it's fair to immediately say their relationship is and always will be unhealthy. It's not fair to say their relationship should never happen because Harumi abused and manipulated Lloyd while she was under the impression that it was his fault her biological parents are gone. Their relationship is more complex than that, there are more nuances to it than that.

There's a lot of potential for a long-term story between these two specifically, a story I'd love to see get told. The desperation in Lloyd's actions when he tries to find Harumi after the building collapse that initially killed her almost makes me cry. These two have a story to be told. Their relationship -- in my opinion at least -- could absolutely be healthy at some point, and I'd love to see that story be told, whether through fanfiction or official media. There are nuances that aren't brought up. It's not a simple "abuser-abused" relationship for these two, like people make it out to be. Harumi was misguided and while it doesn't excuse her actions, it does explain them.

There are nuances in Lloyd and Harumi's relationship that aren't talked about enough, and I don't think it's fair to ignore said nuances in favor of accusing Harumi of being a terrible person for what she did to Lloyd.

I also don't think Harumi's personality as The Quiet One and as the Crystal King messenger is her true and honest personality. When she realizes she's misguided, her personality does a complete 180 and she's shown to be a nervous and shy person. I genuinely think that's her genuine and honest personality, not cruel and sadistic. She let her trauma and grief take over her, and it's never talked about.

There needs to be more discussion on the nuances with Llorumi and by extension Harumi, because both are very three dimensional, something I don't see talked about pretty much ever. For a fandom that realizes Ninjago grew up with its audience, it's really fucking sad to me.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago harumi #llorumi #lloyd garmadon #lloyd montgomery garmadon #analysis #ninjago analysis

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ooops-i-arted · 3 months

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Gina Carano Sues Disney and Lucasfilm. According to Just Some Guy at 1 : 36 of the youtube video. Gina Carano was the one who put gasoline into the fire herself by intentionally starting a fight with trans people and mocking them for their importance in society.

I was sick the day the happened and @jennadknowsbest-blog was kind enough to tell me and boy let me tell you, despite feeling like crap I was laughing like this allllllll day

If you too need a good laugh, read the released document thingy. It's badly written on so many levels. (I saw it on Reddit but I think it's floating around Tumblr too. There are some golden comments on both.) Both from just a writing style perspective (it's written like a teenager's Star Wars fanfic) and the fact that her main argument is that "Pedro Pascal said mean things about conservatives and wasn't punished" when 1. most of the posts were apparently before he was hired as the Mandalorian and 2. it seems like pretty common knowledge in fandom that he was asked to tone it down and he did. I follow him on Insta and he rarely posts outside of promoting his own work, and it's largely "support this cause" or "I love my trans sister" instead of attacking/joking at anyone. (I guess his Twitter had more comments, but he's since deleted it afaik.) Overall, it's likely just a stunt to get the right-wing frothing at the mouth and Gina's name back in people's mouth, because she hasn't filmed anything since Terror on the Prairie (one of two Daily Wire films she was supposed to have, the other appears to not be happening anymore) and My Son Hunter (which was straight Breitbart propaganda). Shatpiro has used and dumped her and while I doubt she's hurting for money, I bet she's desperate to get the praise and attention and adoration that the Cara Dune role briefly brought her. Why else would she come crawling back to a company she's publicly trashed and accused of mistreating for the last several years? It doesn't make sense by her own logic! If they were so bad, why does she want back? (And who's gonna hire her now if they think she's a liability who's going to turn around and sue them?)

It's really disgusting though that Gina wants to claim she was discriminated against for being a woman while actively mocking minority groups. Her post appeared on my Insta fyp and I usually don't click because I know she's gonna piss me off, and I clicked and she did. At the time she had a story that said "Still beeping, bopping, booping" with a smirky picture of her. So all she's been told - we know Pedro talked to her because she herself admitted it on Twitter*, and while I'm sure there were plenty of people jumping on the hate bandwagon, there were also people trying to genuinely explain - and explained how this is hurtful to the queer community, she still keeps doing it and thinks it's funny.

That's what's unforgivable to me. Not that she said ignorant shit in the first place - we all have - but her refusal to learn and do better. She wants to say whatever she wants without pushback and so do her fans. The few times I've thought it's worth it to try and talk to someone about it, they always insist it's just her opinion and say something homophobic to me as well (last time I talked to a Cara Dune content creator on Insta, she said she "doesn't agree" with me being gay and "I can't expect everyone to agree with me." For wanting to exist as a gay person. Apparently I should just take it when people mock me or say I should burn in hell.) That's the problem with Gina and her supporters. They don't care, they don't want to think critically or debate, they want to say anything they want without consequence and brush off any conflict with "well it's just a joke" or "it's just her opinion."

Bigotry is not an opinion. You can't "not agree" with someone's skin color and it's the same with their sexuality. You don't get a fucking opinion on whether I have the right to exist as a queer woman.

Let's not pretend the things Gina says are in a void. People who flock to her believe the same things she does. That's why people have protested her attending FanExpo (this video goes into more depth thank you @jennadknowsbest-blog for sharing), when you invite people who, like her, think it's funny to mock anyone like them, it doesn't make a safe or welcoming environment for people like me. Sure one can brush off a comment or two - but where do you draw the line? When does it become harassment? And who is going to protect people like me from that harassment? How can I count on security from an organization that invited Gina and encouraged these people in the first place?

And I say all this as a queer woman who is able to chameleon myself very well because I've done it since childhood. Things are only getting more dangerous for people who are visibly queer. A nonbinary teen was just killed in Oklahoma. I live in a relatively blue area of a blue state, but that doesn't mean I'm completely safe. There are extremists out there, and they're only getting more bold - because people like Gina think it's amusing to fan the flames. Gina, at least, has faced some consequences for it. I doubt this lawsuit will go anywhere (either it'll be settled and Elon and Gina have some Own The Libs content, or they'll be dismissed/lose and they'll get some A Woke Judge Discriminated Against Me content). Gina will be happily on her way. Meanwhile, I get to wonder if the people around me who dismissively say "it's just her opinion" are the kind of people who don't think much about social issues.... or are the kind of people who will happily vote my rights away in the next election.

I assure you, if you have friends who are queer, they are listening to what you say about this case. Throughout all her tomfoolery, I've found Gina to be an excellent canary in the coal mine when it comes to identifying homophobes.

*She apparently later told Tucker Carlson that no one bothered to explain the pronouns thing to her, so we know she's a liar who twists the story as well, which is why I never take anything she says in good faith.**

**I'm very embarrassed I know this but I can't help but following up on stupid things she's doing. She fascinates me. She's like the inverse of a blorbo to me, like she pisses me off but she compels me. How can one person be this dumb. (Fr tho has anyone in her life talked to her about CTE??? Impulsiveness/aggression are possible symptoms....)

#gina why can't you be normal i would still be a fan if you weren't an asshole #I have a lot of Feelings bc first finding out about Cara/Gina I really related to and admired her #and then........this #anti gina carano #asks #gina carano

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sergeantnarwhalwrites · 2 months

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Mighty Morphing People Eaters +

Editing that 6 picture draft thing I posted earlier about how a lot of the morphers have in fact eaten people. With the addition of a Julie Saz interaction about it after the fact. Thought it would be a great inclusion after a point @the-void-writes brought up. Also me trying to puzzle together Julie's morphed form a bit XD. Though it's probably just gonna be the partially morphed one.

Tag list: @outpost51 @nanashi23 @winterandwords @jezifster @kk7-rbs @aether-wasteland-s @dumbthunder @manathen @the-void-writes @liv-is (Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!)

Saz groaned, sprawled out on her back. Stomach sounding out with her. The bear morpher turned her head to the side. Ignoring the grass tickling her nose. Until a particularly invasive blade invaded her nostril. She simply huffed out nasally breath. Too hungry to really give a damn.

Elliot stepped out of Ian and Julie's place, staring at Saz. He scratched at the velvet on his singular standing antler, with trimmed nails.

"You okay?"

"I'm fucking hungry!"

Saz lifted her arms, letting gravity toss them back down. Repeating the action as Elliot tip-toed over barefoot— Saz had noticed. Briefly wondering if she had taken the last pair of the deer morpher's shoes. The thought rudely interrupted by the insistent grumbling of her stomach.

Elliot had a shit eating grin going ear to ear as he leaned over her. Reaching down to pat the bear morpher's stomach.

"Hungry enough to eat a person?" Elliot questioned far too amused with himself.

Saz growled, low in her throat. Baring her teeth at the deer morpher highly unamused. She slapped the hand Elliot offered her, muttering a good when he winced. Flinging her torso upwards. Her locs hitting the back of her neck. Tossing a few back and out of her face.

She rolled her eyes at Elliot's muffled laughter. Too far gone to appreciate that he at least was trying to withhold it.

Ian, approached, obviously having overheard. His deer ears having pinned back at the sound of a wheezy inhale from the redheaded asshole. Apparently, a lot of Elliot noises made his ears do that. He wrapped a bright red set of hand wraps around the branches of his antlers. Each antler seeming to be dedicated to one pair.

"I heard a lot of morphers say it's pretty gross," Ian shrugged looking at Saz who had fully risen by now, "I personally didn't hate it. It was a really long mission though."

Saz looked at Ian and blinked, "Wouldn't call it fine dining." She grumbled.

Elliot looked to him baffled, laughter in control now. Silently offering a shoulder for the hungry Saz to rest on.

"Uh, Ian our teeth aren't that sharp."

Ian held a shrug, awkward smile curving his lips up. Rubbing his hand roughly over his mouth, disturbing his facial hair.

"Didn't eat it raw— And not necessarily in a hunt." Ian's grin grew a little more confident at the admittance, "Killed it with my antlers. Your crush and I butchered it. We tossed it into the flame during a very overdrawn mission."

Saz tried to bite back her disgust. Tugging absentmindedly at her scruff. Elliot had a very different response, taking it with strides.

"Am I the only one who hasn't had human?!" Elliot questioned.

"Out of us, yeah," Ian responded, not noticing Saz's disgust or growing ire towards him.

Saz grumbled remembering how she had guts stuck in her teeth and beard. How awful it tasted. And how persistently it lingered. If desperation had a taste she thought her first taste of human was that. She wiped aggressively at her mouth with the back of her hand.

Elliot crossed his arms, "We gotta fix that."

"Y'all can fix that. I need real food." Saz pushed off of Elliot shakily walking forward.

"Why didn't you get food with Julie?" Ian washed curious, laughing at the way Elliot had stumbled back.

"Something about helping with new recruits and needing a swim."

Elliot and Ian made loud noises of understanding. Catching up to either side of Saz.

"You know there's a pretty good vendor out here. Got burgers I'm pretty sure." Ian mentioned.

"Oh oh! I heard about them. I think they use specialty meat." Elliot grinned twisting his barely there scruff between his fingers, "They might even serve human."

Saz briefly thought about yanking it, but she new it would probably yank it out. So she shoved her hands in her shorts pockets instead, gripping her thighs.

Ian rolled his eyes a little but laughed, "They got it a blend so you won't even notice?" He joked.

Saz gagged, "Have fun with that. I'm gonna go eat a pinecone or something."

Saz began to walk off from the two joyful deer morphers. The bear morpher growling with the same ferocity of her stomach.

"Saz wait! Julie's gonna need something tough to chew through!" Elliot said through gasps, hand reached out to use Ian as support.

"Good for the tummy and the soul. Guaranteed!" Ian added, doubling over.

Saz turned around and flipped them off. Their echoing laughter actively pissing Saz off. Wandering until she reached the goofy little convenience store they all had ran through. With newfound vigor, she bolted.

(The Extra Scene is below the cut)

Julie climbed out of the lake, holding her catch in her mouth. Dragging herself along until she believed she was far enough on the shore. Her morpher form made it nearly impossible to see clearly.

"Julie! You done?" Saz called out sitting a distance away.

The hagfish morpher heard her open a bag of chips, with a loud pop. Julie laughed in a rapid following of snorts. Submerged in slime, basically forming a puddle beneath her.

Saz watched the gills on her neck flutter. Unbothered by the rows of far too many teeth forming a smile.

"Yeah. I can hear you were able to find food eventually." Julie's eye darted around until she saw a Saz shaped blob.

Saz waved when Julie finally found her. A handful of chips already in her mouth.

"Sorry for leaving you hanging." Julie quickly apologized, cursing out as she began to return to her human form.

Julie had made demorphing look easy. But Saz hadn't seen the morpher in her fully morphed form just yet. Maybe that was the reason. The hagfish morpher practically curled into herself as her face restructured itself. Saz couldn't tell beneath the slime, but she was sure there were tears under it. Once fully back to her human form she held her mouth, eyes clenched shut in pain. Slime still hanging off of her.

"You left me with your asshole of a friend." Saz spoke, eyes still on Julie.

Julie stumbled forward, carefully holding her catch. She grabbed the multiple rolled towels she had brought with her and chuckled a little.

"What did he do now?" Julie asked wiping the slime off of her face and arms, aggressively, very aggressively.

Saz instead kept her eyes on Julie. Both were unbothered as Julie peeled herself out of a very stretched shirt in disgust. The slime formed thin strings as she worked it off.

"You've eaten people... By choice," Saz stated, resting her chin on her palm.

Julie briefly stopped what she was doing. Her eye locking with Saz's immediately. The morpher began to ooze slime again.

"I have," Julie answered honestly.

"Did you like it?" Saz's voice held no malice, only curiosity.

"Sometimes yes. Sometimes no." Julie answered, dragging the towel down her body.

Saz's face twisted then. Julie swallowed hard, trying to wipe off the slime with the small hint of desperation creeping up on her.

"They were long missions. Missions where we lacked the supplies and it was just more convenient." Julie added, she shook her head knowing she didn't have to tell Saz that but she was going to make it worse, "And once to prove a point."

Saz grumbled a bit, obviously in thought, "What was the point?"

Julie laughed softly at that one. Couldn't help herself. Wrapping her catch in a clean towel. Tugging off a pair of shorts she had very much gotten from Ian. Saz thought she looked better with them off. Waiting for an answer Julie wiped as much slime as she could off her legs.

"That I could," Julie grinned a little then, gripping Saz's shoulder as she bent down to whisper in her ear, "And that I'm nothing more than a wild animal."

Saz whipped her head around to Julie. Sliding away a little, watching Julie with wide eyes. Finding that a smile with less teeth was a little scarier. Saz could feel her heart pounding at her temples.

"Was that," Saz paused eyes trying to look anywhere besides Julie's eye, "Was that one of the times it uh tasted good."

Julie shrugged, ultimately shushing the bear morpher.

"I'd never gloat about my eating habits—I guess that's what you call it—like Elliot and Ian. I've already said too much." Julie laughed softly, chewing on her bottom lip.

Julie wrapped the one remaining towel around herself. Tying it methodically. Before hoisting the two fish wrapped skillfully in the towel.

"Come bring this to one of the vendors with me. We can't just live off MiniMart hot dogs. And I know your friend is selfish and won't cook for us."

Saz rolled her eyes but nodded. Still on edge from their just ended conversation. She had a little more space between them on their walk back than usual.

#writeblr #random writes #Ian and Elliot can be little oddballs #So they're a little more brash about it just because they think it's kinda funny that people eating is like the scariest thing they've done #But I'm thinking a lot of the morphers that don't morph into naturally preying animals are insensitive about the people eating thing #Julie is very straight forward like she's gonna say what's on her mind but she's more hesitant about it #And not just because she was talking to Saz #oh uh shit to I need to put a warning?#cw: body horror #<- A little #cw: people eating

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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I want to ask I noticed I get talked over a lot by my friends in our discord server I wonder is it because I am not assertive enough in what I say? Like I told them many time I feel like they don’t noticed what I say but they haven’t improved it’s still the same old I say something then everyone ignores me and keeps talking. So I stop bother saying anything because no one seems to care about what I have to say. So what am I doing wrong? Because this seems to happen in every group chat I am in everyone just talks over me.

It's impossible to diagnose from only your own impressions.

Here are some guesses for possibilities:

Your ask has grammar errors and is repetitive and poorly punctuated in a way that makes it un-fun to read. Perhaps your English skills are weaker than those of other people in the chat, and that makes your content less pleasant to engage with.

These people tolerate you, but you're not really friends. They're not intentionally shunning you: they're just paying more attention to people they're more interested in.

Your posts are all off-topic

That last one is the most likely to me based on years of observing nerds. If you're bad at social cues and context or you're swept away by a passion for your latest fixation, it's easy to be perpetually off-topic. Just because you said something doesn't mean it was a natural progression of the conversation, and if people were enjoying that conversation, they may not want to get sidetracked onto whatever you brought up.

I don't know if this applies to you, but common behaviors of this type include bringing up:

personal trauma, often with a lot of details when the conversation wasn't about personal stuff, much less such heavy and intimate personal stuff

your own problems and needs when the conversation is focusing on giving someone else support

your own fanworks when the focus was on praising another group member or on reccing things by strangers

your specific kinks, ships, favorite characters, favorite canons, etc. that no one else is into because you're desperate for fellow fans

stuff that actively grosses out the other chat members (e.g. repeatedly discussing piss kink when nobody else ever joins in)

your headcanons and OCs, especially if you don't show frequent, genuine interest in other people's headcanons and OCs

anything else that makes you sound like that bird rights tweet:

Basically, some people try to make chat All About Me repeatedly, and the only way to have a good conversation is to let these embarrassing faux pas slide without saying anything.

Or you might be on-topic but just pointlessly repeating something that someone else just said more eloquently. People might respond directly to that other person and not even realize they're ignoring you because what you said was essentially the same point.

It's possible these people are just jerks and you need better friends, but if this problem happens in every group chat, I think it's time to consider whether you are being boring or annoying in some way. Is there something you can do to change so your friends won't want to ignore your comments anymore?

One thing I am certain of is that assertiveness is not the answer.

Demanding more interaction can sometimes make people feel guilty, but it won't generally change their behavior. They're responding at an instinctive level to the cues you give off, and changing those cues is the only way to change their responses.

And look, as an aside, I'm not trying to shame the socially awkward. I've been that deeply annoying person who feels the need to bring up their fixations despite the fact that no one cares. Learning to gauge interest a little better did wonders for me even if I'm still that same person and I intentionally only associate with other obsessive nerds.

Is there someone with good social skills to whom you can show the actual chat transcripts, anon? I don't think you're going to get to the bottom of this without getting into the specifics. And while I'm perfectly happy to look at chat transcripts, it's not usually polite or kind to put private things like that on a public blog like this.

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 6 months

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Well that was a hell of a Taskmaster episode, wasn’t it? Episode 8 might have been my favourite so far of season 16. Brilliant performances across the board, I thought. I haven’t written liveblogs for most of this season because I’ve been watching it on these rich people’s giant wall-sized projector, like a private movie theatre, which is cool as fuck but means I have my computer across the room and hooked up to the thing, rather than on my lap where I can type. But I have to say a few things about this one after the fact.

So, first of all, remember how I made a post a few days ago about how it seems like comedians can’t focus much on anyone else when they’re asked to talk about a group of people that includes Sam Campbell? I find it funny that this episode confirmed that this rule applies even to his fellow Taskmaster season 16 contestants, as three of the four of them picked his name when asked to yell one.

I mean, I find it funny now, as we know the points worked out evenly. At the time, I was yelling at the giant screen like it was a major sports game, saying, “No! Come on, stop it! Pick someone else! Okay, Sam, I think everyone else is out to get you so you really need to be the first to find it. No! No, don’t leave the room it’s in! Come on, man! Look around you!” Because his victory in the season seems pretty assured at this point, but the sort of thing that could fuck it up would be some task where he not only doesn’t win, but ends up down by five points.

Luckily it didn’t matter, because he was so popular that he got picked to lose five points but also to gain five points. Because of course he did! Because of course if you ask a bunch of comedians in England in 2023 to name what comedian comes to mind when they think of someone who might be doing too well and will therefore be a threat to them, they’re going to say “Sam Campbell” and then try to think about other people.

Guys, I think the industry might be looking at him. Like some sort of one-eyed pigeon. But he’s just glad people are talking about him.

Anyway, the rest of the episode. What a good episode. The prize task, as Ed Gamble pointed out on the podcast, was pretty much just “bring in a thing”. But it gave everyone a chance to shine. Julian’s jacket has to be one of the Taskmaster prizes that I’d most like to own. A top quality Lucy story, one so absurd and so well delivered that it overcome the way I have been slightly put off by learning she genuinely believes all this stuff and it’s not just a schtick, and I didn’t even care, because this one was so funny. Every word made the story funnier. And Sam made me choke on my water from laughter when he revealed that his prize has nothing to do with his story, he just wanted to tell a story. I’d argue that he should have been given more points based on the fact that cobalt is objectively pretty and does look impressive after a drum roll, but then, I am biased by the way I back him like a sports team.

Then we have the secret task, which… I wasn’t sure what I wanted, whether I wanted this to pay off in some big way, or whether I thought it would be funnier to build it up and have it turn out to be nothing at all. I have to admit that this seemed slightly less interesting than either of those options – just make it a regular task. But I think that was made up for by Sam Campbell’s reaction to learning this. As Ed also pointed out on the podcast, all the way along, when Alex has brought up the secret task, most people have sort of rolled their eyes and ignored it. Except Sam, who’s looked interested and distracted and like he knows they’re playing some sort of trick on him and desperately wants to figure out what it is.

And after all that time and all that wondering, Alex just drops on him that it was only a normal task all along. And they’re about to just get on with things, with no mention of the fact that this task has been foreshadowed for ages, but then Sam stops them and says wait, wait… has this task been available to find all along? Like… was the secret task scavenger hunt ever even real? And Alex says it’s just been on his mind. And the look of disappointment on Sam’s face is funny enough to be worth more than whatever other payoffs I was hoping for.

Okay, this brings me to another point, which is that Ed Gamble on the podcast has been constantly saying that he’s surprised by how well Sam is doing, because he knew Sam Campbell had the creativity and talent, but thought he might just go out and mess around and not care about winning. So he’s impressed that Sam seems so competitive. But I don’t think Sam is really competitive, the way someone like Mae Martin was. He’s not arguing points in the studio or anything like that.

I think Sam Campbell has the same type of competitiveness that Hugh Dennis had, which is a weird comparison because that’s probably the only thing in the world that Sam Campbell has in common with Hugh Dennis. Hugh Dennis didn’t use to care about the points specifically, he was never bothered if he got robbed in the judging, but he did work really hard to do as well as possible in every task. Which might be slightly less fun than full-on Mae Martin (or, for that matter, Ed Gamble)-style competitiveness, but it’s still pretty good (as I’ve said before, I’m not too bothered by the lack of Gamblian argumentative competitiveness in season 16, as all rumours point to it coming back next season).

Part of why I called Sam Campbell as the winner is you can see in his comedy an ability to do the lateral thinking while keeping track of a bunch of other things at once, the videos and the props and everything else that’s going on. Most people who’ve done Taskmaster talk about how they fuck things up because it’s hard to remember all the rules and all the resources when you’re under pressure, and just do one thing at a time but will forget something else and then everything’s fallen down. Sam Campbell keeps not doing that, which is so cool to watch. Right from the first task, lying down after putting a can on the tower to avoid making any further mistakes. And you see it in all these little things. Like in that one live task where they were all cooperating by putting balls on each other’s hats for them, a move that Ed Gamble or Mae Martin simply wouldn’t have done at all. Sam does it, but when he has a ball ready and sees that Lucy already has two balls in her hat so putting one more there will win her the task, he turns away from her and puts one in Susan’s hat instead. Whimsical cooperation but still with an eye on accomplishing the set task. I love watching that kind of thing on Taskmaster. I love watching him plan things and do stuff deliberately while everyone else just panics under a time crunch.

And all that makes it extra funny when it just blows up in his face completely. Like when he did so well in the fish-mouse task, thought quickly and creatively enough to draw extra mice for extra credit, only to learn that it wasn’t a real task. Or when he’s the only contestant who’s able to keep the hunt for the secret in his mind at the same time as everything else, only to be told there wasn’t a special secret at all, it was just a task that everyone would do. And I have chosen to blame this disappointment for his uncharacteristically poor performance in the task, not looking in a fairly obvious place.

Oh, sorry, am I focusing on Sam Campbell too much? Look, at this point I’m developing enough of a SamCam obsession so people are lucky if I can have a conversation with them where I don’t mention Sam Campbell even if the topic isn’t Taskmaster. I’m certainly getting stuck on him when I am discussing Taskmaster. But it’s okay, because that’s something I have in common with all British comedians.

Though having said that, I do need to mention how funny Lucy Beaumont playing the horn was. And obviously Team Sue running around like preteen best friends at summer camp. And the JLS dynamics, with Julian wearily giving out advice about something he doesn’t care about, while Lucy is off in her own world. Great way to showcase all those dynamics, a task like this where they’re all in the same place but working separately.

And then we have the task that was stolen from Taskmaster NZ, which is a bit weird because they make a bunch of jokes that suggest it wasn’t stolen from Taskmaster NZ. Like Greg saying a “fortune trail” is something Alex made up, when it was clearly made up by Sam Smith (the guy who writes the tasks from TM NZ, not – you know, the other one of those). I was surprised they used an adapted task like this one, one that has a secret way to make it much easier, so if any of the contestants had seen Taskmaster NZ season 3, they could instantly crack this task. Of course, it turns out that famous comedians and actors have a busier schedule than I do, so none of them had time to sit around watching every episode to TM NZ season 3 as it came out. More’s the pity, they all missed out on Josh Thomson, whose frantic, intense hyper-competitiveness have made him one of my favourite contestants from any Taskmaster season. And his total meltdown in the fourtune trail task was one of my favourite parts of the season.

I wasn’t surprised that none of the season 16 contestants had seen it, though I was slightly surprised that apparently Ed Gamble hasn’t seen it, as he made no mention on the podcast of it being originally an NZ task. I see why they brought it over, and I liked it – I’ve enjoyed almost every NZ task that’s been used on Taskmaster. And while nothing in this task quite matched the beauty of the original task with Josh’s breakdown, this was still quite good. The way several of them found the lucky penny but none thought to use it. The way they were all so sure of themselves all the way along. Julian somehow winning just by not caring at all. Again, obviously, I was yelling at the screen when I realized Sam had pocketed the lucky penny instead of using it for coin tosses.

And then… look, I wanted to try to tone down the Campbell focus in this post, but how can I do that when the last filmed task was the sleeping one? Yeah the others were funny, but who’s going to come away from that focusing on anything besides the bribing of a small child?

Actually, to be fair, I think the star of that task was Flossy. I don’t know where they got her, but she was perfect. Her face might have made me laugh more than anything else in that episode. Especially her dismissiveness of Lucy and her incredulity about Sam’s promise.

Obviously we’ll get answers, right? I’d hoped we’d get an extended version of that scene, but they just released new outtakes yesterday and none of them included an explanation of whether Sam paid the eight-year-old child. Ed Gamble did, however, promise on the podcast that he will look into it and deliver us an answer. Also, obviously Sam will be back on the podcast, since each season’s winner is the guest for that season’s finale episode. So Ed can ask Sam about it then.

The other stuff was funny too. Julian actually doing an okay job of seeming to sleepwalk, until for some reason he then walked back into bed. Lucy being ludicrously awful at it. Susan’s genuinely good acting, I think she’d have fooled me. Sue building contraptions like, as they said on the podcast, someone out of Home Alone or Ferris Buller. All of it was funny. But obviously Sam stole the show again. Credit should go to the editors on that one too, I loved the way they showed it. A Kumar-with-the-basketball-style backtrack and reveal.

What a fucking great idea. I will no longer consider any Taskmaster contestant sufficiently committed to the bit if they go a whole season without bribing a single small child.

And then they ended on a game of charades, which was also funny. Just a top quality episode. I’m sad that we’re getting into the last couple of episodes already, this season has been so much fun. Maybe the oddest group they’ve had, in there doesn’t seem to be a single person in the “straight man” role.

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chaotic-average-child · 9 months

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ngl i usually dont have problems with dash updates etc, i get used to it. but for the love of god the new one is just physically painful to use.

I already made a shitty edit of what i meant, but i wanted to improve now that im not fucking exhausted lmao

I am going to be critiquing the new UI, and comparing it to twt, and how poorly they pulled it off dont keep reading if u dont care/think im overreacting

and im not gonna sugar coat my opinion on it. please understand when u read.

Honestly its just bad, its a copy of twt, and I use twitter??? you'd think id have no trouble adjusting since ive used both since 2020. (tumblr first but ykno)

but it just feels totally wrong. the buttons are too small, compared to twitter's much larger ones, the change between the top bar with the post types vs the new +create button is just???

If it was about icons, you could make a form of hover to see what they do. but now it feels so much more painful to use. like i physically struggle to find shit on the new dash because tumblr decided to put shit in weird ass locations.

all the improvements supporters are talking about could have been done without messing with the whole site alignment.

(blogs censored cuz im digging into tumblr here like im not holding back and i dont want randoms being brought into smth)

This would have accomplished the exact same thing

(not perfect but i need to get my idea across.)

Id probably spread out the icons too, to get room for text. especially since theres room over there

AGAIN I DONT WANT IT TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THIS!! THIS IS JUST DEMONSTRATING WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

Or like this so that its even with the tumblr logo

Or hell, just make the upper ui look similar to the post ui where it extended the bar to add the text in.

like this.

(again i dont think this exact layout would be best but Im trying to show what i mean.)

Like I LIKED the explore update

I liked getting recommended blogs!

I even like radar n shit

But the new layout is objectively worse.

this was messing w muscle memory for no reason. and just making the whole site look bizzare

and its not even a GOOD twitter rip off.

Here is my biggest issues with the new ui

(not written but i have a problem with the fyp and shit being so high up, like it s at the same level as the logo)

Here's a direct overlay

The tiny icons is what really confuses me + the placement of the create button? like why????

the misaligned tumblr logo too. like really??? would that be copying too much??? they already had a pretty good ui??? just add the text to that????

Tumblr really wasnt that hard to use? most confusion could be fixed with text under.

anyways if tumblr REAALLLYY wanted to do this like desperately

everything on the right makes slightly more sense, given the fact tumblr has always had right side ui.

(please ignore the shitty parts, im just trying to get a point across not actually make a new ui lol)

Anyways,,, I may be overreacting but its really not the change that bothers me.

its how they changed it

also recent stuff i heard about tumblr recently is making me really not wanna be nice about this, at all.

Its just weird that in their path of adding the text they have removed other accessibility features they used to have.

and the fact that tagging a post with "epilepsy warning" puts it in the epilepsy tag is abysmal.

I kinda dont buy that this was for accessibility given tumblr's other actions.

Anyway i dont blame individual members of staff but cmon yall...

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digitalgate02 · 9 months

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[sighs]

I'll have to be honest with people and with my own feelings.

When I say I can’t really make ▽ work with my stuff and with the original lore, I really mean it.

I know people might get angry at me for saying this, but it’s pretty much sure that you have either to commit to one or another and CANNOT USE BOTH TOGETHER. What I mean? Well…

I know all of the Adv/02’s lore is still unknown to us, and we got a good chunk of those details from interviews with Kakudou and SekiP, but when it comes to the original Digital World lore… Well, it sounds completely… impossible to use it with ▽ as it was presented to us. I mean mostly what Shiha talked about in this post here, about “canon” and “Non-canon” and such.

Well, I want people to not get me wrong – I’m not forcing you to agree with me, I’m just explaining why it’s so hard for me to work with it, to the point I’m still trying to, even by reusing bits of it except… I’m always walking into a thick wall and unable to proceed with my own plans/chain of thoughts.

Well… The thing is: Since the lore is basically violated to the point I have no other option than put extra thought on how to work with this, I’ll have to talk about a SERIOUS digi-ecosystem problem this series brought.

If you didn’t know, an old stream with Kakudou in it (not sure for which material it was, PSP Adv game or another thing, if someone remember of it, please help me here) had a Q&A section where people sent him questions to be answered there, and one of them was regarding… “what happens to the digimon if a human partner dies” or something like that. Well, Kakudou’s answer was following the logic of “digimon are the manifestation of the human soul” which is… basically something implied in post-series material & interviews. His answer? If a human partner dies, their digimon partner dies too.

Just by saying this you might understand… What my point here is.

Yes, I mean… Nishijima Daigo’s death is a big big PROBLEM to the lore.

Unless there’s some special rule involving the Holy Beasts like, “the HB can undo their ties with their human partners”, the fact Daigo is killed off in the pt6 brings a terrible disaster to the ecosystem. The Holy Beasts are also responsible for the protection of the Digital World, just as Homeo (which is not a “God-like” entity at all, even in Adv & the novels, Homeostasis claims to not be a “God of the Digimon”, it’s just a security system or something like) – And when Qinglongmon explained stuff in 02, he mentioned that the Dark Masters had sealed the HB in the past, but then the Chosen Children broke the seal.

Ok, so you might be aware the Holy Beasts were former Chosen digimon, the mysterious “five kids” (yes, the ones using a few from the Adv cast to illustrate them) – we don’t know when they got to face Apocalymon, but they were said to be the previous group from Taichi & co. and I assumed it meant 1995 before because I wasn’t aware of the math count before… The math count is important and this is why those details should’ve been stated beforehand and not through interviews and Q&A stuff… But okay, I don’t blame anyone for not knowing those details… I’m only upset that ▽ staff didn’t go to get details directly from the original Adv/02 staff. Sigh, let’s go straight to the point:

Killing Daigo was the biggest lore violation this series had committed, because it would’ve caused terrible issues to the ecosystem. You KILLED a human whose digimon partner had become a HOLY BEAST!!

But Why am I so desperate trying to find a solution to this? Well, I don’t want to let go of Daigo and Maki – I love them, and I also love my NishiHime OC Yume. She has a big plot that I’m trying to make it work – but as you can see, this is the thick wall I’m facing right now.

Yes, I know I could simply ignore it, but I wanted her to have a parallel with Daichi and show the difference between them. If I keep Daigo dead this would cause a big big crisis because one HB down. So my only choice is to kill Maki off, right? Except I had plans for Maki too… So this is where I’m sitting here and thinking again and again on how to keep the original plan (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

#tri negativity #idk how to tag this... vent? negative? idk

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vanishedangels · 1 year

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Castles on the sand

Blame it on the storm Sequel

Summary: After the storm that brought them together ended, rebel pilot Luke Skywalker and bounty hunter Din Djarin started a long-distance relationship. It gets more and more complicated when they realize they're developing deep feelings for each other.

Pairing: Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker

Characters: Luke Skywalker, Din Djarin, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Wedge Antilles, Xi'an (Star Wars), R2-D2, Paz Vizsla.

Rating: Mature (+18)

Tags: Canon Divergence (AU), Long-distance Relationship, Post A New Hope (Star Wars), Fluff and Angst, Protective Din Djarin, Tumblr Prompts.

Chapters: 2/3

Navigation: <- Previous Chapter • Next Chapter ->

Part 2 of Wonderwall series

Excerpt:

"I wish you can stay a little longer." He absentmindedly said.

"You know I can't." Din answered soothing his hand on his back. "Maybe we can meet somewhere else next month."

Luke hummed.

"Since it's my birthday." Din casually added, making Luke sit up swiftly on the floor.

"What?" He was blushing sightly, realizing that he didn't know Din's birth date.

"Or maybe not." The mandalorian stated and he sounded a little disappointed.

Chapter 2: Without labels doesn't mean no strings attached

The Razor Crest was slowly holding a special place in Luke's heart, his blue eyes were roaming the ceiling while he was resting his head on Din's chest plate. He moved, slowly, to push up onto his elbow, Din's visor followed his moves, until it was fixed on Luke's face.

"Din?" He asked leaning his head on his knuckles.

Din hummed.

"Nothing." He shrugged looking down with a frown on his face.

"Luke, I know what's on your mind." He sighed "Ask me about her."

Damn! Din was always a step ahead of Luke, in some ways, he reminded him of Leia, they were both very smart and their intuitive understanding of Luke's feelings made him so vulnerable around them.

The blonde nodded pressing his lips together "Did you have a relationship with the twi'lek, Din?" He asked under his breath, afraid of Din's answer but he needed to know, desperately.

"Yes."

Luke's heart sank and he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"But it was years ago. It's in the past now, Luke." Din added tilting his head like if he was trying to ease Luke's visible discomfort.

"How did you two meet?" He tried to sound not affected at all but he was hating the woman a little more, he didn't know it could be possible until Din's confirmation.

"Twi'lek healing baths."

Luke's eyes widened pulling back a little and Din propped himself up on his elbows "It's not what you think." He said leaning in close to Luke "I was there for a job, she helped me localize the target, then she introduced me to her brother and we kinda started working together. I did things, uh, jobs that you will find questionable."

Luke's stomach turned, again, this was a part of Din's life that he wanted to ignore but he needed to love every aspect of him. Love? That word again. He bored into Din's visor and put a brave face on it, trying to ignore that Din had a troubled past that he didn't know about "What happened to her brother?"

Din shrugged "I left him behind and saved my skin. We were involved in pretty bad things but I drew the line when he started hurting innocent people only because he could. I wanted to stop him, so I did it."

The air returned to Luke's lungs, he was now feeling relieved, he always thought that Din was indeed a man with a kind heart, the fact that he put an end to the twi'lek's cruelty only reinforced the good concept he already had of Din. Or maybe he was just idealizing him.

"What about you, cyar'ika?" Din asked him stroking his cheek "Have you been in a relationship before?"

Before. That word coming from Din's lips made Luke's heart run fast, even when Din asked him not to label whatever was going on between them he used the word relationship to refer to them indirectly. His eyes glistened, a shy smile appearing on his face.

"No, never." He licked his bottom lip and Din ran his thumb over it afterwards making him sigh out of delight "I had crushes on people though." Din nodded encouraging him to keep talking about it. "Biggs. He was my best friend when I was growing up on Tatooine." He didn't look away from Din trying to find any sign of distress, deep down he was aching for any display of jealousy and possessiveness coming from Din, but the mandalorian didn't make a move and didn't say a word, he kept cupping Luke's face tenderly. "And, uh, Leia..." He added and Din withdrew his hand from him.

"Organa?" He asked in a high-pitched tone making Luke startle.

"Yes!" Luke answered defensively with a scowl on his face "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing it's just-" Din chuckled "I don't know, when I saw you together, the day I met you, you two gave me these siblings vibes." He laughed softly behind his helmet "I'm sorry, but that's what I felt." He soothed his hand on Luke's arm.

Luke frowned "That's weird, siblings?"

Din nodded "Now that you mention Organa, how much longer we have, mesh'la?"

Their time together was coming to and end again and Luke's heart was breaking in two "A couple of hours." He sighed.

"What do you want to do?"

Luke's eyes traveled him from helmet to boots, he smiled thinking that Din looked always breathtaking lying next to him, even with all that beskar on him. Then the idea of running his hands all over Din's naked chest popped into his mind "Kiss me?"

Din groaned.

"But first..." He said as his trembling fingers found Din's chest plate unfastening the straps and Din clutched his hands, Luke looked up at his visor as confusion crossed his features.

"No." The mandalorian uttered "Please don't, cyar'ika."

"No?" Luke asked under his breath.

"No sweetheart, I can't." He answered caressing his knuckles.

Luke sighed deeply, feeling stupid and thoughtless "Your creed, right, I'm sorry." He apologized but he couldn't help feeling rejected.

"No, it's not that." Din moved to hover over him, his knees at both sides of Luke's hips, leaning himself on his hands, staring at Luke's eyes "Putting these on again will take a lot of time, if something happened, if someone broke into my ship, well, it's a risk I won't take, it's different when it comes to the helmet, I can put it back on in a second and I'm ready to protect you, cyar'ika. I won't put you in danger, not even when I'm dying to feel you against me."

"Din..." Luke sighed as a flutter of electricity ran all over his body, he stroked his man's arms choking with emotion, he tried to control himself, since the idea of Din putting him before his own needs was overwhelming and enticing. "I can protect myself, you know?" He managed to say avoiding the real subject, was Din telling him that he loved him between the lines?

Din hummed "Yeah, but beskar deflects blaster shots better than flesh, Luke." He laughed. Oh his laugh, Luke was taken aback by Din's beautiful, alluring, deep voice, and hearing him happy was something else entirely.

I think I love you too.

With every encounter Luke became more fond of wearing their blindfold, he loved the way it intensified his other sensations, heightening the experience of giving himself to Din. He was breathing heavily listening to the beat of his own heart, so clear and overwhelming as Din was unbuttoning his black shirt, he sighed feeling how the mandalorian brushed his fingers against his shoulders, exposing the skin burning under his touch. The lips of his man on his chest while he was finally peeling off the shirt, Luke was digging his fingers into Din's scalp, stroking his curls, gently bringing him close to his face, breathing deeply, he smiled, he could smell Din's skin, spicy and warm, as his mouth found his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses, trembling beneath his lover's body. Two hours, two hours to live a thousand lives, two hours to love Din without restriction.

Luke's mouth fell open as he was feeling Din's lips around him, his lover head's between his thighs, the patched beard chafing the skin of his inner thighs deliciously, his fingers finding Din's hair, twisting and pulling a little. The mandalorian's name falling from his lips when the vision of Din emerged through the purple haze catching him off guard. Luke frowned as his hand tensed up against Din's hair, he thought that the visions had stopped, he never suspected that not only they would return but also clearer and more complete than ever.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed slapping his hand over his mouth, covering it completely. The vision was definitely spellbinding. He could see Din's arms wrapped around his legs, then the vision vanished.

He felt Din's lips retreating from him then he heard him clearing his throat.

"What is it cyar'ika? Should I stop?" His hoarse voice and his hand, curled around his thigh, squeezing a little, making Luke shudder.

Then the vision popped into his mind again, Din's brown eyes boring into his soul, his dark hair plastered to his forehead, with his bottom lip glistening, the skin of his arms and shoulders glowing in sweat and Luke was repeating to himself as a mantra You can't control this is, Luke. You can't control this. You're not breaking his creed.

Luke swallowed, drawing his hands down to caress Din's shoulders only to feel the hard beskar of his pauldrons under his hands, still in his mental image he saw the way Din's bare upper body reacted to his touch, his muscles flexing and relaxing under the soft tanned skin, so inviting, and Luke couldn't help but give himself to the tingling warmth building in his lower belly. He withdrew his hands from Din slowly.

Although he had no control over the force, he was certain that his desire to feel Din's skin against his own was triggering the visions.

"No." The blonde said out of breath "Don't stop Din, please." He ran his hands through his own hair now, overwhelmed and even with his eyes shut behind the blindfold he could still see the image of his lover, the way a lopsided grin crossed his face before bowing his head as his mouth returned to Luke.

"Din..." He moaned, shamelessly basking in everything his man was giving him.

After he returned to Hoth, Luke was feeling more relaxed and easygoing, he was spending more time with his mates again, just the way he used to before meeting Din.

"Did he dump you, Luke?" Brando asked from the other side of the table, he nodded laughing.

The blonde took a sip of his spotchka, then put the glass down, licking his lips, smiling "You wish, Brando." He retorted making the rest of the pilots laugh.

Killian slapped Brando's shoulder mockingly.

"Yeah, yeah, right." Brando grunted "Have you even seen his face?"

Silence.

Luke looked around.

"Oh, man, that sucks. I heard that he's a weird mandalorian, the kind of mandalorian that can't take off his helmet ever. I thought they were a myth, children's stories." He chuckled.

Luke pressed his lips together, shaking his head "Why do you ask? Are you trying to get one for your own?"

"He got you, Brando!" Wedge exclaimed, the complete squad bursting with laughter.

Brando narrowed his eyes tilting his head, arms crossed over his chest "Yeah, laugh, but think about this, what if the day comes and you're kissing him for the first time and he's not only terrible kisser, but also he can't make you feel a thing."

If only Brando knew. Luke looked down thinking that he wouldn't say a word about the big concession Din made by allowing Luke to kiss him, therefore he remained silent. "I'll tell you what-" He finally said "If that happens I would definitely give you a chance." He mocked "Till then, I'm still out of limits for you." He chuckled.

Brando nodded, raising his glass at him "That hurts, Skywalker, but thank you anyway."

Luke breathed in and out relieved, satisfied, knowing that he could manage Brando's advances now, without Din's help, he smiled thinking that Din would be so proud of him.

When he was walking towards the showers he put his hand in his pocket to pull out his com and realized its light was flickering.

"Shit." He muttered looking around. He was alone, so he considered that it was safe to play the message, he was sure it was Din's.

"Cyar'ika, I'm traveling now, please, com me when you get this."

Luke's eyes widened, he ran to the hangar, dodging people in his way.

"Watch out, kid!" He heard Han yelling but he didn't stop, his heart was in his throat, he was blinking back tears. This was the first time Din asked him to com him, Din was definitely in danger, a sharp sense of dread invading his whole being.

He climbed into his X-Wing and closed the transparisteel canopy, his breath coming uneven as he hit Din's comlink.

Please, Din. Please, Din. Please, Din.

Din answered.

"Luke?"

"Din?"

Silence.

The blonde leaned forward clutching his com device "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Where are you?" He could feel a fat drop of cold sweat running down his back.

"I'm, ah, I'm alright."

"What happened?"

Din hummed "I just wanted to talk to you."

Luke frowned "Why?" He sputtered still thinking that something terrible was happening to Din, maybe someone captured him and now a knife was pointing at his throat while they were talking, maybe some imps got him.

"I'm sorry, if this is not a good time-"

"Wait." Luke cut him off, he scratched the back of his head with his free hand "What? So you are okay?"

"Well... Yes."

Realization hit Luke hard "And you wanted to talk with me..." He said under his breath feeling a little stupid as a goofy smile appeared on his face.

"Yes." Din insisted.

Luke leaned back in the seat not believing his luck "Hi Din." He chuckled.

"Hi cyar'ika."

He wouldn't miss the chance "So you commed me because you were missing me or-"

Din chuckled deliciously "Right." He said making Luke sigh. "You're gonna love this, I dreamt about you, Luke. It was a little weird though."

"Really?" He arched one eyebrow "Tell me about it, Din."

"We were in the Hoth base, you were sitting on my lap, we were sitting across from your squad mates at that large table. You were wearing that black shirt and those brown pants you wore when we met on Nevarro the last time."

Din was killing him.

"From one moment to the next I wasn't wearing my chest plate somehow, and I unzipped the upper part of my flight suit, then I untucked your shirt from your pants, exposing your small back a little, carefully, so nobody around us could notice. Then I brought you close to me, pressing our bodies together, skin-to-skin. You were sighing with every move of my chest and I was groaning as your warmth drove me crazy. The thing is the guys around us kept talking not even realizing we were starting our foreplay, that had me going so badly. That's all I remember."

Luke's eyes were fixed on the com device, he was gaping, utterly dumbfounded.

"Luke? Are you there?" Din waited patiently for his answer.

"I think I need a moment, Din."

The escapades were surely exhilarating, but nothing compared to what Din coming back to Hoth made Luke feel. Every time Leia hired Din, Luke pretended that his man was coming home. Hoth, where everything started.

As many times before, Din was sitting on the floor of the Razor Crest leaning his back against the wall. Luke was sitting cross-legged beside him.

"Luke, I brought you something." The mandalorian said resting his forearm on his knee.

"Power converters?" Luke narrowed his eyes smiling "I mean, since you promised that like ten months ago." He chuckled.

"I said that maybe I could bring some power converters, that's not a promise, Luke." He sighed.

"I know." He said shrugging one shoulder "I know you keep your promises. I was joking."

The mandalorian nodded reaching a hand behind himself, pulling a vibro-knife from his utility belt, Luke frowned smiling.

"Din, is this a vibro-knife?" Luke beamed taking the blade from Din's gloved hand.

"Yeah, I hope you like it."

"Thank you, Din! I love it! Was this yours? Please don't tell me you spent a lot of credits on this." Although Luke didn't want to sound as if he was rebuffing his gift, he knew how hard Din worked in order to provide to his tribe.

"Wasn't mine. My tribe leader forged it. I asked her to forge it for you." He shrugged "Is not beskar though, but it can cut a droid in half."

Luke's heart skipped a beat as he was staring at Din astonished "Your tribe leader? For me?" He was babbling.

"Yeah, I didn't tell her it was for you, she only knew it was a gift, she didn't need to know." Din said as he rose to his feet "Come on Luke, I'm gonna show you some moves." He insisted tilting his head. Luke craned his neck to look at Din, his blue eyes glistening.

Din was a strict trainer, Luke was peeling off his waistcoat as he started sweating exhausted, but he was totally committed to the task, learning how to use his new blade properly.

"Remember, your hand firm and away from your body." The mandalorian said standing beside him. "This is not a blaster, this is a close range weapon, your body and your mind need to understand that."

"Like this?" Luke asked focused on his stance and the way he was wielding the blade.

Din nodded with his visor on Luke's outstretched arm, hands on his own hips "Good lunge." He encouraged Luke making him smile.

That evening Luke was curling up on their blankets facing Din, resting his head on the mandalorian's arm. Eyes half lidded, he yawned stroking Din's chest plate.

"I wish you can stay a little longer." He absentmindedly said.

"You know I can't." Din answered soothing his hand on his back. "Maybe we can meet somewhere else next month."

Luke hummed.

"Since it's my birthday." Din casually added, making Luke sit up swiftly on the floor.

"What?" He was blushing sightly, realizing that he didn't know Din's birth date.

"Or maybe not." The mandalorian stated and he sounded a little disappointed.

Luke licked his lips, crossing his legs, shifting a little to look at Din's face "No, no, I mean, I didn't know it was your birthday. I'm such a mess, kriff, I never asked you about it, oh, Din." He was feeling guilty.

"Don't worry cyar'ika, now that I think about it I don't know yours either."

"But I should have known that, that's something a bo-" He trailed off blinking. That's something a boyfriend should know, he nibbled on his bottom lip, looking at Din through his eyelashes, hoping he would overlook what he almost said. He closed his eyes when Din caressed his cheek softly.

"Well, are you coming next month?" Din asked and the blonde sighed relieved, luckily he missed the way he trailed off, or maybe he was making both a favour by not saying a word about Luke's slip.

Luke leaned into his touch "I wouldn't miss it for the world." He kissed the hill of Din's hand, lips curling up into a smile "Nevarro?"

"No, a better place this time." He said making Luke look at him and raise his eyebrows "Some place that would make your black shirt and brown pants justice." He chuckled and Luke shook his head slowly, with a knowing smile on his face.

The days between Din's last visit to Hoth and Luke's next escapade found the blonde traveling through the galaxy alongside his good friend Wedge. He returned to the rebel base a cicle earlier. When his X-Wing entered the hangar he spotted Leia by the Millennium Falcon, by the time he jumped off his ship he cast a glance at her, the princess was staring at him, arms crossed over her chest, with a scowl on her face. He started closing the distance between them.

"Where's Antilles?" She asked arching her eyebrows.

That was a fair question, Luke didn't want to worry her therefore he answered as fast as he could "He's totally fine! He's just patrolling the end section of our route." He forced a smile at her.

"And why are you here and not with him, Luke?" She tilted her head, her eyes on the X-Wing "Is your ship damaged?"

Embarrassment was taking Luke over "It's, um, it's not that, I needed to come back earlier." He could notice the way impatience crossed his friend's features "I'm meeting Din, it's his birthday."

His words made Leia's eyes widen, her lips parted, she looked astonished and Luke needed to look down in order to avoid her gaze "And you left your partner alone? Gods, Luke! I understand that this is important to you but we're risking our necks here, how could you leave him alone?"

She was right. Was Luke being selfish and reckless? Since Din came to his life his priorities had changed and, what for? Even when he was sure about his feelings about Din he only kept finding that he was dancing to the mandalorian's rhythm. He thought back to Din's words over the last year.

"Don't label this, it wasn't fake then and it's not real now, and you know that."

"My people are waiting for these credits, they depend on me to survive, Luke."

"We should take one step at a time."

Was Luke investing in their relationship more than Din? Was Luke putting his goals and beliefs aside while Din was doing the right thing, respecting his commitment to his people? And here he was, standing before Leia, realizing that maybe he was throwing away his work, the rebel alliance's work.

"I know, I'm sorry, I put Wedge in danger. I know you're right." He said shrugging.

"I don't want to be right, I want to be wrong, Luke." Leia said shaking her head "I want Antilles to come back safe and sound." She clicked her tongue "Where are you going this time?" She asked and her expression softened.

Luke hesitated for a moment and then he thought that this was Leia, she should know about his whereabouts if something happened "Glavis Ringworld."

Leia narrowed her eyes "Weird."

Although Luke had never heard about Glavis Ringworld, he searched for information about it. It wasn't a planet nor a moon, he was surprised to learn that it was actually, a space station.

"Have you been there, Leia?"

The princess shook her head and pressed her lips together "No, but I know is just a place of transit, where you also could find entertainment." She looked at one side as Han was walking towards them with a smirk on his face "But here's the man that surely knows that place like the back of his hand." She snorted and turned around walking away as Han was shrugging staring at Luke.

"What place?" He asked Luke.

"Glavis Ringworld." The blonde said under his breath as if he was sharing a secret.

"Oh!" Han straightened his back and raised his eyebrows "Good place to do naughty things." His lips curling up.

"Naughty things?" Luke frowned.

"Yeah, there're night clubs and motels, I met some nice ladies there." He chuckled resting his hands on his hips "So, why were you guys talking about that love nest? Is Leia going there?" His face contorted.

"She's not-she's not going there." Luke sighed as his cheeks were now flushing.

"So? Who's going?" He insisted but Luke ignored his question walking towards the barracks "Hey! Kid! Who's going there? Who's gonna be pounded like there's no tomorrow? Huh?"

The elevator was taking him to the top level of the space station, just like Din specified the last time they chatted. Luke looked down straightening the cuff of his yellow jacket, his heart was pounding against his ribcage, Glavis Ringworld was something else entirely, people of different species walking up and down, just like back on Tatooine, but, unlike on Tatooine, they were having fun here, he relished in the sound of music and chattering at the distance. Luke was still dumbfounded by the sight of the space station, he couldn't wrap his head around that he was walking and standing on his own feet on an open-looped ring artificial world.

When he left the elevator he could feel all eyes on him, he kept walking avoiding their gaze, looking down and quickening his pace. He chose a table, with a booth, and sat down smiling a little thinking that Din would appreciate it.

He was enjoying his spotchka when two men approached him, his blue eyes switching between them. His lips parted slowly when he realized one of them looked like Din, but this one couldn't be Din, besides his eyes were a little different, not as kind and pure as Din's, still his forehead furrowed staring at the tall man who was now leaning forward to look straight into the blonde's eyes.

"I've been looking at you for a while now and I think you look a little lonely, mind if we join you?" The man said with a charming smile.

While the man was really good looking and interesting, Luke smiled shaking his head "Thank you but I'm waiting for someone."

"Of course you are, but we can keep you occupied till then if you want to, pretty boy." The man chuckled leaning back making Luke feel uneasy.

"I'm not interested." He retorted sipping his spotchka, he put his glass down "I told you I'm waiting for someone."

The men looked at each other and shared a nasty smile, the Din lookalike leaned his hand on the table "We're not leaving, sweetheart." He deadpanned.

"He told you he's waiting for someone." Din's voice making Luke flinch, his blue eyes sparked with happiness when he could finally see his helmet between the two men's heads.

They turned around facing Din "And who's this, pretty boy?" The man asked casting a glance at Luke over his shoulder "Your bodyguard?" He laughed.

Din didn't make a move, his visor was fixed on the man's face. Luke stood up slowly.

"Don't worry, mandalorian, we didn't touch one hair on his pretty head." He laughed tilting his head to one side and his friend followed him while they were walking away "Poor man, just imagine being in his shoes, being paid to witness how some random guy enjoys fucking that pretty little thing."

Luke could notice the way Din's chest heaved, he closed the distance between them and put his hand on his chest plate "Poor them." He said purring with a playful smile on his face, looking up at Din's visor, his face so close to his helmet "Just imagine being in their shoes and witnessing how my mandalorian dance with me all night long."

The rumble inside Din's chest came out as a chuckle that weakened Luke's knees effortlessly "What if you make out with your mandalorian as well?" Luke nodded with sincere eyes, not looking away, he shivered when he felt Din's gloved hand against the back of his head and the cold beskar against his forehead.

"Hi Din." He sighed encircling Din's waist with his arms "I missed you."

Din hummed running his fingers through his hair "I missed you more, cyar'ika."

"Happy birthday, babe." He whispered and Din's fingers stopped, Luke frowned pulling back a little not understanding what was going on "Din?"

"You called me babe?" The mandalorian asked in a low voice, making Luke swallow hard and squeeze his eyes shut.

Fuck! He overstepped.

"I-I'm, I don't know why I called you that, I'm sorry." He managed to say as he opened his eyes.

Din groaned pressing their foreheads together again "Don't be sorry, call me that. Please cyar'ika, I want to hear you saying it again, over and over."

Luke's heart fluttered, he sighed deeply "Babe." Din chuckled. "Babe." He said moving his head a little to press a kiss on his visor "Babe..." Din drew his hands down and squeezed his waist.

Happy birthday, love.

Din was staring at him while Luke was savouring a batuu-bon, his plump lips covered in white chocolate mousse while his blue eyes were glistening. He licked his upper lip clean, resting his bare forearms on the table, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the ends of his blonde hair curling up graciously, he looked like an angel under the warmth lights. He looked at Din sideways smiling, holding a fork between his fingers "What is it, Din?" He smiled as the corner of his eyes crinkled.

The mandalorian looked around and then at him again "Look at you, Luke. Everyone is looking at you."

Luke leaned back leaving the fork on the table.

"I think I'm the lucky one here, huh?" Din added chuckling.

Luke's hand found Din's and he squeezed it gently, reassuringly "Oh, no, I'm the lucky one, Din." He said as fast as he could, Din looked down at their joined hands on the table.

Din shrugged one arm and looked at his face again "Come on, cyar'ika, since day one people think I'm your hired gun, your bodyguard." He chuckled "This is just a fluke, and no matter what, I'm okay with that."

The words coming from Din made Luke's heart sink, he caressed Din's helmet tenderly, reverently. A fluke? How could Din be so clueless, so wrong? He realized that Din was being self-conscious for the first time since they started their relationship and while he was desperate to see Din jealous, this was heart-rending. He considered telling Din how he was feeling about him but he knew that it wasn't the right time to do so, therefore he smiled and leaned in closer to him to nuzzle his neck "We're tied to each other Din, I'm not going anywhere, this is not a fluke, I choose to be with you, you're the one I need." He chuckled trying to hide the way his voice was breaking since it took all his strength not to tell him that he was falling for him, he couldn't say the word love but at least he could show him how much he wanted him.

Din tilted his head down when Luke rested his cheek on his pauldron, he hummed "Wanna dance, Skywalker?" Luke's lips curled into a smile.

They danced to the music holding each other, Din's arm on his small back as Luke was running his fingers across his shoulders and nape, Luke was sparkling, laughing graciously, spinning around smiling, the artificial light playing with his hair, making his eyes sparkle, Din encircled his waist with his arms and rested his helmeted chin on his shoulder, sending shivers down his spine "This is the first time I celebrate my birthday since I was a little kid." Din said and Luke froze. His stomach clenched as he thought back to the day Din told him about his parents' fate, knowing for sure that he hasn't celebrated his birthday in decades, presumably since he lost his parents and now, he's celebrating his birthday with me... Realization hit him as Din sighed bringing him out of his thoughts. "I'm-I'm so glad you're here, and I'm so glad you're the person I'm sharing this day with, Luke."

His heart was running faster as he kissed Din's helmet wrapping his arms around his shoulders, he couldn't help but feel that Din was telling him that he loved him for a second time "Me too, Din, me too." He sighed, yes, I love you too.

Nevarro seemed as serene as the last time he visited the planet a year earlier, he didn't know why but Din wasn't inviting him over anymore, they kept seeing each other on Hoth or any other world, but not Nevarro, not anymore. That was why he came to the conclusion that this was indeed Din's home.

He commed Wedge "Changed your clothes, is not safe walking around in our flight suits." He shed his suit carefully inside the small cockpit of his X-Wing and put some civilian clothes on.

They roamed around the city for a while until Luke found the cantina where Din and him spend that evening so long ago. He nodded at Wedge, his friend nodded back at him and when they were stepping inside he caught a glimpse of a blue helmet out of the corner of his eye, Luke's eyes widened realizing that he found another mandalorian, but this mandalorian was already out of sight, disappearing between the people on the street. Luke touched his friend's upper arm absentmindedly and walked down the street in order to find the mandalorian.

They reached a crossroad "This way." Said Wedge tilting his head towards an alley, they were almost approaching the end of the passageway when a punch landed on Luke's back squeezing the air out of his lungs, making him fall on his knees coughing, his hands on the ground as he looked heavenward, everything became blurry. When he looked over his shoulder he found the mandalorian grabbing Wedge from behind pointing at his neck with a knife.

Luke, as reckless as he was, threw himself at them and the mandalorian let go of Wedge clutching Luke by his upper arms and hit his forehead with his helmet, Luke stumbled as the man was hitting a button in his vambrace and the blonde knew what that meant, he was almost dead, Wedge was still on the floor but he managed to sweep the mandalorian's leg making him fall against Luke, when the mandalorian pulled back the blonde was already pressing the tip of his vibro-knife against the man's neck.

"Move and you're dead." He said through gritted teeth. He was straddling the mandalorian now, he looked down at him realizing the man was huge, broad, even thicc. He swallowed through the lump in his throat not sure if he could walk out of this alive.

"Where did you get this?" He asked and Luke frowned.

"I need information about Din Djarin." Luke said instead.

The mandalorian grunted hitting Luke's back with his knee and clutched his arms as he rolled them over, now Luke was beneath him "What did you do to him? What did you do to him?" He kept asking "This is his vibro-knife!" He said trying to control Luke's hand as the young man was still trying to point the blade at him "What did you do to him?"

Luke was clenching his jaw, struggling to get rid of the massive man crushing him when Wedge pointed at the mandalorian's ribs with his blaster. The mandalorian froze.

"We need your help, I'm Wedge and this is Luke, please, we know Din, we're not here to hurt anyone."

The mandalorian stayed hovering over Luke for a while and then he fixed his visor on the blonde's face "You are Luke?"

Luke arched his eyebrows and then nodded, still shaken by their confrontation.

"Din's Luke?" He asked as he was withdrawing his hands from Luke's wrists.

Even as railed up as he was, his heart leapt in his chest when he heard the mandalorian calling him Din's Luke.

"Uh-huh." He managed to say sitting up on the floor, he narrowed his eyes "He told you about me?" He couldn't help but ask.

The mandalorian rose to his feet offering him a hand, Luke grabbed it and he stood up slowly, feeling a sharp pain when he breathed in, he took his free hand to his ribcage. "I only know your name, that's all he told me, well, that and that he's seeing you." The mandalorian said letting his hand go.

Luke's expression softened thinking about Din telling his friends that he was seeing him and he couldn't be more proud "And you are?"

"I'm Paz Vizsla."

Luke's eyes went round. The Paz Vizsla? The same that broke Din's heart when he was a teenager? Luke didn't know Din was still in contact with this man, his blood was boiling but he couldn't say a word, besides he was there only to know about Din's whereabouts. He wouldn't lose focus.

He nodded instead "Is he here?"

"Din? No." Paz shook his head.

"Do you know where he is?" He closed the distance between them staring at the man's visor.

"What is this all about?"

Luke looked down "I think something happened to him, it's been three weeks since he commed me and I sent him tons of messages, he never answered."

Vizsla shrugged "He tends to disappear from time to time, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you."

"No, you don't understand, this never happened before." Luke insisted "Please, anything, I need to know where he was going."

"Tatooine." The mandalorian sputtered.

Luke drew in a sharp inhale "Tatooine? Are you sure?"

"Listen pretty boy, you're pushing here, yes, I'm sure, I was the one who told him about that job, so yes, he was going to Tatooine." He said towering over Luke and he understood that he shouldn't push his luck, he had a lead and that was more than enough.

"Luke, this was a detour but we need to go back now, we can't go to Tatooine." Wedge said when they were approaching their X-Wings.

The blonde clutched his upper arm with a feeble smile on his face "You're right, we can't go to Tatooine, that's why I'm going there alone."

His friend shook his head slowly not breaking eye contact with him. Luke nodded.

While he was traveling through the galaxy Luke rubbed his fist against his eyes fighting the tears threatening to fall. Two days earlier he sensed through the force that Din was in pain, he couldn't understand the nature of those feelings until he came to the conclusion that this was another manifestation of their deep connection, he thought that the force has yet to fail him and that made his heart ache, he squeezed his eyes shut and the tears finally rolled down his cheeks "Hold on, love." He said under his breath "I'm coming."

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