#idk how to tag this... vent? negative? idk

[digitalgate02]

something is bugging me and i'm so sorry i'm being picky...

but

1- i'm having a hard time accepting that the black detail on Miyako's (and the other four - minus Ken) is gone missing and...

2- DID THEY JUST CHANGE KEN'S D-3 ENTIRE COLOR PALETTE TO SOMETHING LIKE THE OTHER FIVE!? LIKE???

(I'll pretend this means their D-3 also had updates through the time... but there is a Daisuke D-3 shot in the recent PV released on DigiFes 2023 which does include the black detail on it!!?)

WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?!? (^・ω・^ )

[shdwtouch]

also uh. this is part inquiry, part vent ? I know it's kinda shitty to be like "do you like my character ?" but now that I've gotten through more of act 2 and done the questlines involving the shadow-cursed lands... I honestly feel kinda silly. like.

knowing what happens with oliver / thaniel, as well as what is implied with arabella, I'm worried that shade is a little... redundant. I don't know. like. if people like her as a companion and the way I've built her lore that's good enough for me, I just. worry. and I worry that people may think I'm trying to replace those narratives. I don't know. it's hard to explain just how I feel. but mostly I feel silly. and worried.

probably overthinking it but. input would be most appreciated. honest input; I just want to know what people think / feel about shade in relation to the characters and lore we already have in the game, I guess. I am genuinely curious what people think.

edit: read the tags but also I should post a disclaimer, I know that if people didn't like shade they wouldn't be following or interacting with me. that's not the question I'm asking here. I'm asking for input on where she stands in the game canon lore, on what people think about that. I am honestly so, so thankful for the support and love I have received in writing shade. <3 I was not expecting this kind of love and interest, and I am grateful for everyone who has given her / me a chance !

[trapped--in--a--jar]

whenever i see vent posts made by my friends i just wish i could tell them how much i love them without seeming shallow or like i’m just trying to make them momentarily feel better

i want them to know how much i love them and am here to support them. even though i know the idea makes them insecure- i want to invest my time and energy into helping them, because they’re worth it to me. i love them so much and i don’t want them to hurt, but i know they will, so i just hope they’ll know that they’re not alone

if you guys are reading this, i love you so fucking much. you all mean the world to me and i hope you know how amazing you are- you have helped me more than you know, and i’m here to support you no matter what

[sunnys-aesthetic]

i wish all reposters a very kys

[daz4i]

let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them

ok now that that's out of the way.

therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"

[colorfulpaintspills]

Just an early morning vent. Ik I don't usually do these but I feel like I need to get my feelings out. Just a warning...it kinda gets rough...you're basically about to see how I see myself./srs

Feel free to ignore, I don't mind ^^/gen

I just woke up. It's currently 6 in the morning. And somehow I still feel awful.

I don't. Feel like I belong here. I feel like I shouldn't be here.

All I seem to do is make people upset and I'm scared that it'll make them hate me or drive them Away from me.

Is that my only purpose here? To make my own friends feel like shit??? To be upset by their "friend"?

Am I even a good friend if all I seem to do is say things and end up making them upset/angry one way or another?

Am I just...a toxic person?

Maybe they were right. I probably am a toxic person. A toxic person who should just. Hide away and never be seen again. I would be doing everyone a favor at this point.

Me leaving Tumblr, Discord and Twitter would probably be the best thing to happen right about now.

They would probably be happier without me. Everyone would.

Maybe I'm just a terrible, awful human being...and I never fucking realize it until it's too late and I end up hurting someone.

How do I stop being like this. How do I stop hurting others..?

I hate this. I genuinely Hate this.

[mishapen-dear]

I read that same fic earlier and I just straight up muted the person so their works don't show up for me anymore lmao

there was also another one like that posted yesterday because the person was mad at something qBad did a couple of days ago while not at all in his right mind and amnesiac, it was odd (not shitting on the person just confused and slightly concerned)

yeah there’s. a lot of misconceptions around qbad rn lmao. It’s one of the reasons Im so obnoxious about him, tbh, so that it’s not JUST the negativity that gets spread. He’s a really good target for the hate rn, because he has a smaller fanbase and his pvp playstyle + lore lead him to all that antagonizing during purgatory, and that gets vented out into fics.

It’s genuinely really interesting, the dichotomy that seems to exist between tumblr and twitter regarding him. Ive heard nothing but slander about bbh from twitter (again, he is not faking his illness, that is a lie), but he’s got a solid enough foothold on tumblr that ive seen more hate towards the fans that the cc, here. which makes sense, given how we take over the tag almost ever day when he logs on. genuine o7 to people who find that obnoxious but thats one of the reasons i overtag so much, for blocking purposes.

anyway i think all the bbh mischaracterization means that we just need to write about him more >:D please this is a call for more bbh centric fics from people who do not hate him/know a little bit about his lore. blease he’s such a fun pov to write i promise

[monstriiss]

.

[somelazyassartist]

Ough I need to avoid my TAZ shelf when I'm tired, because reminding myself that The Adventure Zine and the graphic novels are right next to each other and how painful some of the differences between them are legitimately gives me a migraine. That and my eyes are weird so looking at comics for too long just does that anyways but I digress

[multi-lefaiye]

i remember.

hi. this is some venty ass personal writing that i had to get out of my system. i might delete this in a bit bc i feel weird talking about it, but i also know that i have to just. get this out. and y'know maybe if i try to make something artsy out of this, at least it's worth something.

this is a lot. i do not expect anyone to read it. i also do not expect anyone (especially those of you who are younger) to comfort me about any of this. y'all are not my therapists, and the onus is not on you to be there for me. i'm not upset about this right now and i honestly just... need to get this out.

content warnings: child abuse, physical abuse of a partner, neglect, a brief reference to child sexual abuse, drug use/addiction, emotiomal abuse/gaslighting

when i was about seven years old, my ex mom was almost murdered by her drug dealer/boyfriend, and i saw it happen. it sounds a lot more dramatic than it was. it also sounds fake, even to me.

i don't remember most of it, especially not as a single event. it comes in bits and pieces in my memory. for most of my life, i was convinced it was a dream, a very strangely specific recurring nightmare with no basis in reality.

what did it matter that hearing arguing in the next room is enough to have me trembling like a frightened chihuahua, frozen in place yet overwhelmed with the need to hide? that seeing anger, even not directed at me, is terrifying? that's just me being a coward.

then, when i was sixteen, my aunt called me in tears, apologies tumbling from her lips as she begged for my forgiveness for not intervening sooner. i asked her what she meant, and she said that she and the rest of my ex mom's family knew i was in a dangerous, abusive environment, and yet none of them did anything until my ex mom's boyfriend attacked her. they knew, but they didn't want to get involved or make a big deal about it.

they.

fucking.

knew.

i reexamined that strange nightmare, the bits and pieces i know vs the ones she explained to me as i silently processed the reality that the adults in my life knew something was wrong but didn't act on it. it's certainly easier said than done to react to a situation like that, and apparently my mom asked them not to intervene, but still.

like i said, i don't remember a lot of that day. what i do remember comes to me in flashes, scattered and broken puzzle pieces that don't quite fit into a cohesive narrative until i look closer. sometimes i worry that there isn't a single story there at all, and i'll never really know everything about my own trauma.

i remember the weeks leading up to that incident (what a clinical term, so detached). weeks of my mom drifting in and out of reality, not really being there to take care of me. i missed school a lot. i didn't eat much. i was left alone quite a bit. my mom's boyfriend sometimes took care of me when he stopped by. i wish i remembered his name. his face. anything more than his hands.

i remember losing a baby tooth one day while eating breakfast while my ex mom and her boyfriend talked in the next room. i looked at the baby tooth in my palm and felt a rush of giddy excitement--how grown up losing a baby tooth made me feel--and i ran to tell them right away. they congratulated me with thin smiles and tight voices, and they asked me to go play in my room and let the adults keep having an important talk. my ex mom had tears in her eyes. her boyfriend's hand was clenched into a fist where it rested on the table.

i remember someone putting a hand on me between my legs, and i remember being scared. i remember that it hurt. i didn't know where my ex mom was, but i remember being told to keep it a secret with a warm smile and a wink. just between us. i remember being given a cupcake and told to watch cartoons for a while.

i remember endless days of my ex mom lying listlessly in the house, pupils blown wide as she laughed about nothing. my friends' parents never seemed to like her, but they never told me why. i spent a lot of nights at my friends' houses, i think.

i remember hearing an argument. my ex mom was screaming and crying. her boyfriend was screaming back. i was scared, but i wanted to make sure my ex mom was okay. this was a common enough occurrence that i didn't think anything was wrong, but i wanted to give her a hug.

i remember walking into the room and seeing my ex mom on the floor, her hands shielding her head as her boyfriend loomed over her. there was broken glass on the floor and the furniture was in disarray. i think she was bleeding. i asked what was happening. her boyfriend told me to go back to bed.

i remember my ex mom telling me to call for help, to call my grandparents.

i remember him moving to grab me before i could do that, hands reaching like jagged talons to snatch up my skinny little arms in a bruising grip.

i remember running back to my room and closing the door with a slam, locking it immediately. he followed, but he didn't try to break in. there was no phone in my room, after all. no need to worry i'd call someone.

i remember curling up on my bed and staring at the TV, trying to focus on cartoons to drown out the pounding of the blood in my ears.

i remember there being more shouting, furious and terrified screams shaking me and the house to our foundations. the front door slammed, and it was quiet. everything was silent. hours later, i got the courage to leave my room, and i saw my ex mom and her boyfriend were gone.

my ex mom was missing for at least a day, maybe longer. she was found later, broken and battered and barely alive, and taken to a hospital. she was delirious from the pain and there were talks of sending her to rehab while she dealt with the withdrawals from the cocktail of drugs in her system. before they could, she called my aunt and told her where i was.

my aunt came to get me some time later. she packed me a suitcase and drove me to my grandparents' house. for a few weeks, i stayed with them. i remember waking up before dawn every day to drive two hours to school, just to be berated by teachers who were furious i was too exhausted to pay attention. i remember not knowing where my ex-mom was. i remember being so scared all the time.

at some point, my ex mom left rehab. later, i found out that there were talks of sending me to foster care. my ex mom didn't want that to happen, because then my dad would know what happened, so she was going to take me back.

my aunt came back to talk to my grandparents. she spoke to them in a low voice, one i couldn't hear from the other room, and said they needed to get me out of there. for once, they decided not to stand idly by.

i remember a long drive to my dad, a whole state away. i remember him holding me tight, trembling with rage as my aunt told him what happened. i remember being confused, because no one told me where my ex-mom was. my dad told me not to worry about that.

years and years later, i asked my ex mom about all of this. (i wasn't yet calling her my ex mom, but soon i realized the term fit very well.) i asked what happened, and i asked why no one protected me. protected either of us.

she told me i was a liar, that i was a self-righteous, attention-seeking moron looking for sympathy by pretending i was abused. i didn't know what i was talking about, and i had to get over myself and understand that the world didn't revolve around me, the perfect little victim who never did anything wrong. i was against her, just like my aunt, just like my grandparents just like my dad. she just hoped i'd never go through anything like what she did, so i'd never have to realize that no one was going to help me.

(i was a fucking child, i wanted to scream. the words were stuck in my throat. i was a fucking child.)

we haven't spoken in years now.

i don't know how to end this. i call her my ex mom, but she's still out there. still connected to me, if perhaps very distantly. i don't know where she is anymore.

i don't know where i am either sometimes.

[digitalgate02]

People keep saying Sora hates ikebana/flower arranging but they never actually said or implied it in the entire Adv/02 series and it shows how some people definitely don't understand what they're friggin talking about.

"Oh so they picked those careers because they're women."

Kiddo, please read what Shiha wrote about iemoto on Sora's portrayal. Also Sora's career is not even related to ikebana, she's a fashion designer specializing in Japanese style instead. Please go rewatch the series again.

Mimi's case is not because she's a woman. It's because Mimi likes to try EVERYTHING. You can notice this from the stage play, which has Mimi state she doesn't know what to do when she had a ton of things she wants to do. And this tracks with Kizuna, as she's running her own online store with cute articles/products. Also, there's stuff lost in translation too, as Shiha pointed out here.

Also, both camps they got are basically male-dominant.

So yeah, please. before you complain about the girls' jobs in the epilogue, do a friggin research.

[ace-apple]

every time someone talks about qcellbits relapse as "giving into his urges" or some shit in that vain an angel loses its wings a fairy dies etc etc

[undead-potatoes]

Fandom is such a double edged sword for me bc few things are able to bring me so much excitement and bring out my absolutely unhinged nature (affectionate), but it's also something that strikes at my own insecurities with such a laser focused precision, where I hesitate to even make anything of my own bc it will always be inferior to everything around me. I struggle with art, I struggle with writing, my characters aren't that interesting or original, I feel too stupid for literary analysis or character studies, it just makes me feel like my brain is made out of boiled chicken breasts.

And I just don't have to wrestle with any of that when it's just me on my own, and it makes it so much easier to create things when I'm just comparing it to my other stuff. Just best suited to play by myself in the corner I guess, but it's also so boring to sit there alone.

[atomicengineerdetective]

No one talk to me I just came back from a family vacation to find out my favorite youtuber ever is leaving the platform.

I am devastated.

(I am actually happy for him, he has given me so much happiness for like 8 years. He deserves to let the channel go an enjoy his life. It just hurts, but I'll get over it

I'm so thankful for MatPat and Steph. I Hope every future endeavour or project they take on is successful and that over all they have a happy and fulfilling life with Ollie.💚❤️💛💙)

[daz4i]

life update (unrelated to The Situation) bc i've mentioned it before so

so i mentioned briefly that yesterday i had that meeting about the uuuuh government program to help mentally ill people recover (well i didn't specify it was that meeting lol but i talked abt it in the past so eh) and that it went fine

anyway immediately after it my social worker started sending my details and like,, certifications ig?? to a bunch of people who are a part of this program (as in, workers in it and in related programs that work with it) and this is going way faster than i expected ajsdhfg

didn't get any answers from any yet but like. she already gave me numbers for 2 programs i wanted to sign up for (one is for art that helps you like, work in the field you want, and the other is a social thing specifically for queer ppl) so now it's all in my hands whether to call and when askjdsfgh but i have the option now at least.

but uh yeah as soon as i get confirmation that i'm getting ppl that can come help me with basic life stuff, and as soon as the war is. at least calmed down more. i think i'm gonna start looking for apartments maybe. tho at least there i have time to let it simmer lol

it's hard for me to get excited abt it yet, in part bc it feels p surreal (bc the last. 17 days have felt surreal in general) but also bc i'm very scared askshfhj but hey ig it's a step in a good direction??

[hegrowth]

just me, desperately shaking things hoping they will spark joy. but nothing sparks joy :,D depression sucks yall. everything is a struggle :c and idk what to do about it anymore.