#this post is peak 'me on my bullshit' and i am not sorry

[recurring-polynya]

I was thinking today about how Rukia's attacks are all in the forms of circles, and that her usual attack position starts with herself inside the circle, when it occurred to me that this is also the classic Hihiou Zabimaru position.

Interestingly, I think this is actually Hihiou Zabimaru's defensive position, but it's also their "ready position." As soon as I started thinking about this, I realized that this is actually a carryover from Zabimaru's shikai behavior-- they extend to attack, but retract to protect Renji in between attacks.

That's not actually what I wanted to talk about, though.

I've talked before about how I think that the fundamental theme of a zanpakutou and the foundation of its abilities is inherent to itself, but that the expression of those powers is strongly influenced by the shinigami and has the potential to take many forms. For example, I think the reason Rukia's shikai attacks are all focused on hitting people with ice are because she was trained by and idolized a man with a water zanpakutou, even though Sode no Shirayuki's powers are really more about thermal manipulation. I think this extends, not only to the effects of the attack, but the aesthetics of them. I mean, if you think about Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, is it really necessary that a bunch of swords rise up out of the ground? No, of course not. Are they the very essence of Byakuya-core? Yes.

To that end, I want to talk about the similarities between Hakka no Togame and So-oh Zabimaru-- not in the broad strokes, because they are very, very different zanpakutou-- but in the details. Rukia and Renji grew up together. They are best friends and battle partners and at some point become romantic partners. They get their bankai together. We already know they like making dramatic entrances together. It's no surprise that they have a similar sense of what it means to look sick as Hell.

Clad bankai. For starters, they are both bankai that are worn. I'm not sure if this is a term that's ever used in canon with regard to bankai, although it is used in reference to some Fullbring. In any case, it's a bankai that changes your outfit, as opposed to making some giant construct (like Komamura or Kurotsuchi's) or, um, special effects-based like Rose's or Tousen's, or just a better weapon, like Soi Fon's or Ikkaku's. There's no hard and fast here-- Ichigo also has a clad bankai, which is a full outfit change, like Rukia's. Renji's is somewhere between that and Kensei and Hitsugaya, who just get some shoulder accessories (and one could argue that Kensei's is more "big weapon" than "clad"). The point is, they're in the same ballpark.

Neck protection that leaves the throat exposed. I spent a bunch of time looking up historical armor to try and figure out if this is even a thing, and as far as I can tell, it is not. This says "I love a cowl neck, but I also want to be tits out." I think they both really loved those Hueco Mundo cloaks they had, except for the fact that they made it hard to talk or something and this was the result.

Shoulder guards. I'm not sure Rukia's are actually functional, but they give impression of armor. You'll sometimes see Renji's referred to as "pauldrons" or "spaulders", but these are European terms. In Japanese armor, the piece that covers the shoulder is called the sode. Yeah.

Stripes! "Don't say tiger print is lame!" Rukia says. "Renji really likes it!" Rukia says. Mm-hmm. You know who else has stripes on their neck and shoulders?

(Oh jeez oh jeez, looking at these two pictures underneath each other, Rukia's loops look exactly like Zabimaru's snaketail who stole this from whom?????) Speaking of...

Loopies!! The loopies are cool enough by themselves (if not performing any battle function at all aside from getting caught on shit), but here's the best part: Rukia's appear to be an extension of Sode no Shirayuki's ribbon. When Renji shifts into Orochi-Oh form he gets a bone ribbon.

On some level, maybe subconscious, maybe not, this man looked at the most beautiful zanpakutou in Soul Society and said "I want that for me."

Fringe. Rukia is mostly very stiff looking, but she's got these little ice crystal thingies dangling at various places. We'll have to see how this gets animated, but I hope that they blow around a little to add some kineticism and maybe make some bell-like noises. Bankai is all about making big winds and explosions and smoke clouds and you gotta have some dangle-y shit to blow around, it's compulsory.

Connections to royalty. In Rukia's it's more visual-- the ice tiara, the formal upright kimono. On Renji's side, his bankai is literally called "Two Kings", and it's two forms are "Baboon King" and "Serpent* King." ("Orochi" is used for a giant mythical serpents and dragons, including the eight-headed dragon Yamato no Orochi). I love this imagery being used for them in particular because of their origins as street kids. I hope, with all my heart, that someone makes an AMV for their bankai set to Royals by Lorde.

There's some other aspects that not necessarily inherent to their bankai. Rukia's ice crown is somewhat similar to Renji's bandana/sunglasses, in the sense that it's a head accessory. Rukia's bankai also includes tekkou (which she wears normally, but I assume these are bankai tekkou?) and Renji has his wrist wraps. Rukia's little ice flower on her chest reminded me a little of the baboon skull Renji had on Hihiou Zabimaru, in terms of, it's just...like...decoration? Their #brand? Finally, the cover on the sheath of Rukia's sword (which she also has in shikai) looks a little the extended hilt-guard Renji has going on. (For that matter, does Rukia have to wield Sode no Shirayuki two-handed in bankai? I feel like Kubo drew it that way because he couldn't figure out how to fit the hilt up her sleeve.

[hyperfixatedbastard]

Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

[1moreff-creator]

DRDT - Milgram AU: T1 "Voice Reveal" Lines

Hey there! Back at it with this AU. I figured if I'm going to commit to the bit, I might as well commit fully. At the start of every Trial, Milgram gives a sneak peak at some of the lines which will appear in the VDs, combined with "glitchy" lines which relate to their murder. So I'm doing that too! Keep in mind this is not professional in the slightest, so exact wording might change between now and when I actually post the VDs. Especially since it's been a while since I rewatched DRDT so the wording could feel a bit off. Anyways, here we go!

Implied DRDT spoilers and heavy themes. Again not affiliated with either of the series

Btw I'm using crossed out text for aesthetics but there will be a transcript at the bottom if you have trouble reading that.

01- "Levi Fontana, a pleasure"

"Yes, I am a murderer"

"I can't bring myself to pretend to be sorry for what I did"

"I suppose I should watch the other prisoners to learn how normal murderers should handle themselves"

...

I know you didn't want this, but it had to be done

02- "Arturo Giles"

"Ugh. Do I really have to be judged by someone this ugly?"

"I'll have you know, I've never murdered anyone"

[Whispering] "I mean, there is... no, no, that wasn't my fault"

...

How was I meant to know?! Even if she's dead because of what I did, it's not my fault!

03- "My name is David Chiem"

"It seems there's been a mistake. But don't worry! I won't hold it against you"

"Mistakes can be corrected. It's not difficult to change, as long as you're willing to!"

"I try to be as positive as I can, since I know there's a lot of people that don't get the privilege"

...

AGH! CAN YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE?!

04- "Yo! Whit Young, nice to meet you!

"Are you really sure everyone here is a murderer?"

"That's wack"

"I don't remember doing anything suspicious! Yesterday was normal, the day before that was normal, the day before that... the day before that..."

...

My mom's really amazing! I love her a lot. I would do anything for her

05- "Tch. Ace Markey"

"You wanna fight?! Wait, fuck, you probably have weapons, don't you?! Shit, don't get any closer!"

"You think I'm a murderer?! Horseshit!"

"Get off your fucking high horse!"

...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit shit shit, FUCK!

06- "Uhm... Nico... Hakobyan"

"I'm- I'm really sorry!"

"You're pretty weird"

"Ah! I'm sorry! Don't get mad at me!"

...

Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made?!

07- "J Moreno"

"What do you people really want? Ransom money? There's no way you're doing this just because you want to 'judge our sins' or whatever bullshit you're saying"

"Don't make me laugh. Find evidence I killed anyone, and then we can talk about murder"

"Do you really think you're going to understand everything I've been through, just with a silly little song? How arrogant are you?!"

...

What happened to her was nothing short of a tragedy. Sorry, but I will make no further comment

08- "Mmmm... Rose Lacroix"

"zzzzz"

"Ah, yeah. I killed someone"

"This really isn't that bad. At least I can paint here"

...

I wonder if I can be happy now

09- "H-Hu Jing"

"I know what I did was unforgivable..."

"I really am selfish... I'm scared of receiving the punishment I deserve"

"Please Forgive me!"

...

Wake up! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

10- "My name is Veronika Grebenshchikova!"

"If you don't mind, can you choose not to Forgive me?"

"Death sounds boring. I'd rather stay alive if you don't mind!"

"To Forgive what I did... it would be denying everything I believe about my life..."

...

[Cackling laughter, which trails off with a wheeze] I really am a monster...

11- "Arei Naegishi!"

"Pfft! God, you're pathetic!"

"Why the hell are we even here? How could anyone be stupid enough to do anything but Forgive me?"

"Are you really that much of an idiot?!"

...

WHO'S THE WEAK ONE NOW, HUH?!

12- "Uhm... Eden Tobisa..."

"Even when things are looking down, we just have to try our best, and trust each other!"

"I... I never wanted anyone to die!"

"Es... why are you doing this?"

...

Wh- What have you done?!

13- "Min Jeung"

"This is ludicrous. How are we meant to expect a fair judgement when your 'justice' is determind by one person's whims and biases?"

"When an institution is non-functional, it is highly illogical to indiscriminately tear it down. Improving the basis already in place is by far the most constructive way to conduct progress"

"There is no country in the world where I would be judged a murderer. To say one single prison has the authority to decide that I am is a flagrant display of vanity"

...

The condition has been met. There is no need for further intervention

14- "Alexander Matthews. Just call me Xander"

"Don't you see how broken this entire system is?! What makes you think you hold a monopoly over morality, huh?! What gives you the right to Forgive or Not Forgive?!"

"When something is rotten, you throw it away. It's the same with this twisted place!"

"...Warden?"

...

Ah... haha... I did it... You all can finally rest

15- "Charles Cuevas"

"I was hoping the Warden would be competent, at least, but clearly I was a fool to think that could ever be the case"

"Are you stupid?!"

"Warden... Es... I have a request"

...

Hgk...- Ack! ... Kch[sharp inhale]

16- "Teruko Tawaki"

"Are you okay?"

"You don't need to know anything about my crimes. I'm unforgivable. That's all you need, right?"

"If you can find a way to do it... Just kill me"

...

... [sigh] Why did I ever get my hopes up?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And there we go! Hope they weren't too ooc! Keep in mind different backstories could lead to slightly different personalities; this AU is canon-adjacent, not really canon-compliant. Levi's first trial is coming soon! Hope you enjoyed!

Huh? Secret message? Whatever are you talking about?

Here's the transcript of the glitchy lines:

01 - Levi: I know you didn't want this, but it had to be done

02 - Arturo: How was I meant to know?! Even if she's dead because of what I did, it's not my fault!

03 - David: AGH! CAN YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE?!

04 - Whit: My mom's really amazing! I love her a lot. I would do anything for her

05 - Ace: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit shit shit, FUCK!

06 - Nico: Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made?!

(Yes it's just the secret quote on their page sue me it's a cool line)

07 - J: What happened to her was nothing short of a tragedy. Sorry, but I will make no further comment

08 - Rose: I wonder if I can be happy now

09 - Hu: Wake up! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

10 - Veronika: [Cackling laughter, which trails off with a wheeze] I really am a monster...

11 - Arei: WHO'S THE WEAK ONE NOW, HUH?!

12 - Eden: Wh- What have you done?!

13 - Min: The condition has been met. There is no need for further intervention

14 - Xander: Ah... haha... I did it... You all can finally rest...

15 - Charles: Hgk... Ack! ... Kch[sharp inhale]

16 - Teruko: ... [sigh] Why did I ever get my hopes up?

[specialagentartemis]

love your addition to that post about misinformation earlier this month, genuinely, but your summary of the situation re: the medicinal ingestion of human corpse matter in europe is kind of misleading. among other things, i don't know anyone who would call the 17th century "medieval." paracelsus didn't even die until the 1540s. periodization is complicated and mostly bullshit when people look for hard lines between "eras" of human history, but using terms that conjure an idea of a time literal centuries removed from the things we're talking about obfuscates the proximity and connections between things like corpse medicine, anatomical theaters, criminalization/execution, and the development of the modern western medical system. sorry for the long rant in your ask box, i just have a master's degree in Literally This.

to be clear, i am not at all arguing that the mummy being used medicinally was always or even often made of Egyptian mummies. i just wanted to be annoying about time periods. though by the early 1600s physicians like oswald croll were outwardly recommending fresh (executed) european bodies as the source of mummy, so i do kind of take issue with the assertion that people always thought they were buying something different. anyway, as a parting gift thanking you for making it this far in my longwinded asks, did you know moss grown on a human skull was also a source of medicine? called muscus ex cranio humano or usnea humana.)

Ohh huh. Thank you for messaging me; this is a lot more context than I had when I made my post.

I’m an American archaeologist (that is, I work in the Americas), so my areas of specialty are the US Southwest/Mexican Northwest ca. 800-1400 CE, and New England (or okay mostly Massachusetts and some New Hampshire) 1700s-1800s. I also have a solid grounding in the Bronze Age Aegean. But what that means is that early modern Europe is not my forte at all, and I did what I caution about doing and relied primarily on Wikipedia and a tumblr user I find reliable for that information. There were some quick to find sources that supported an 11th-12th century origin for the eating of ancient Egyptian mummies as medicine, which is what I meant by Medieval. I also kind of thoughtlessly took “mummy” to mean “ancient Egyptian mummified human remains” when of course ancient Egypt did not hold a monopoly on corpses or even mummies. I wasn’t intending to speak about the ingestion of human corpse matter as a whole, just Egyptian mummies. But both of these made the result end up misleading and not fully true, and I’m sorry about that.

There’s a specific cultural image of Victorian Britons opening sarcophagi and eating mummies that they looted from thousand-year-old Egyptian tombs, and it becomes a thrilling/disgusting synecdoche for British imperialism in Africa. That’s the part that’s a myth (though 19th century Egyptomania was real and the mummy unwrappings and some mummy-paint were also real.)

However, I was not well informed about the scope of European corpse medicine throughout history, and was honestly shocked to learn just how widespread and recent it was! And for sure you’re right, the 1500s-1600s when European corpse medicine was at its peak is hardly medieval. They mostly weren’t eating ancient Egyptians by that point (though they seem to have been at least a little, because in the late 1500s bodies were still being smuggled as contraband out of Egypt and into Europe), but yeah Europeans sure as hell were eating corpses as medicine. (Those links are not a fact check @ you, it’s @ anyone who reads this and wants to read more.) That seems like it ought to count for “they didn’t teach me this in school!”

It’s good to hear from the people who have researched this stuff; it sounds fascinating. Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry I was misleading.

And re: Usnea skull moss: that’s WILD. I would not want to stick that up my nose.

[leviadraws]

helloo i must ask you. your thoughts on yuki (the dra one)

Oh boy, he's a tough one for me, so I'll try to splruge some thoughts. (Sorry I've been slow with asks lately, I promise I'm working on them, also I really need to rewatch DRA at some point but I am tired atm so there may be some inaccuracies).

(under the cut, DRA and some SDRA2 spoilers throughout).

So DRA Maeda is honestly my favourite protagonist in canon and another. Due to the whole reveal at the end and the divine luck factor there's quite a lot of layers to him that you don't think about at a surface level but then you scratch it a little and it's all like "hey this is kinda clever" whether it was intentional or not. But a lot of that would be talking about Utsuro, not Maeda so I'm not really gonna cover it much.

I will say I do love the system headcanons that have been covered by yourself, Nikei, and Dragon (I was going to link posts but jesus finding posts on tumblr is so goddmn hard). I haven't researched the topic well enough to comfortably talk about it myself, and I think you guys have done a pretty thorough job already.

I would like to talk about something that has always bothered me a little, and that's how Maeda/Utsuro are portrayed in the flashback. During the flashback and when Kinjo references their time at Hope's peak, he's referred to as being more Utsuro. But then that doesn't line up with the picture found of the class, where he's clearly appearing as Maeda. I'd like to think that they existed together before the real Yuuki's memories were implanted onto him.

(This is 99% me wanting to have both Maeda and Utsuro in pre-canon haha, but it is interesting). As I said before I've not done adequate research and I don't want to accidentally offend, happy to remove this section entirely if necessary.

So I like him a lot since he's kinda just a kid, yanno? He gets annoyed with the other classmates, he's downright mean sometimes (he's kinda brutal to Satsuki in her FTEs, iirc), and he's kinda bitter in places (him refusing to help Kinjo in chapter 3). It just makes him feel more, real? If that makes sense.

And like in trials, since none of the trials are that hard that we don't get totally baffled, him leading doesn't seem that off. The "smarter" kids of the class are either unhinged (Kinjo) holding information for no reason (Rei), underused by Linuj (Kakeru, Kanata, Kinji), or have a chapter 5 plot device in their head (Mikako). I'd probably want someone like Maeda to lead trials too.

I guess there's that kinda lingering thing that due to divine luck, any leap of logic would always be correct, but it didn't feel jarring since he'd always come across as kinda pragmatic. That and the leaps in logic aren't the level of crazy that SDRA2 chapter 2 and 3 had.

He's also flawed, he doesn't always say the right thing. He doesn't give out hope speeches (that I recall at least, I could be wrong on that one), he succumbs to the motive in chapter 4 just as much as the others do. He holds grudges over the course of the game, he's devastated over Kinjo's actions in chapter 5. Actually his relationship with all three survivors + Taira are really good.

I'm not hugely fond of some of the FTEs with him tho, I sometimes get the impression that they were written earlier? He feels more like the generic protagonist is some of them. Rei's feels like one of the worst offenders of this, like earlier in the game Maeda doesn't really put up with Kinjo's or Rei's bullshit in their attitude to others, but in her FTE he puts up with her shit to hear her story? Idk it felt weird to me.

I do however love his interactions with most of the rest of the cast in the story itself, mainly Kinjo because kshkjefnad they are disasters and I love them so much.

One little thing, I really would've liked to see him snap a little more in canon. There's obviously the part with Mikako, but like so many fucked up things happen and there were like at least three other opportunities off the top of my head?. Can you imagine the slight change in his expression, but his whole vibe just becomes so much darker and the reactions of the people around him?. Kinjo and Akane's reactions (both pre and post chapter 5) would've been so interesting.

Imma probs get on that rewatch now and realise that I missed a load of stuff and feel very silly. But hey, here's a tired mess of thoughts that yous are all free to rip apart and tell me I'm wrong haha.

Also give him a hoodie he a tired boi let him be comfy.

[hot-take-tournament]

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

NEW SUBMISSIONS DEADLINE

So you've probably noticed that despite submissions officially closing on Friday, it is now well into Saturday.

Let me explain.

Originally, I decided to make the hard deadline midnight Pacific Standard Time, since I know based on when activity peaks on this blog that a lot of you seem to live on the west coast, and wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to put in last minute submissions. But then I stayed up tumbling down the Fate rabbit hole, and because it's a Saturday I overslept until noon. Also, someone asked me what my pronouns were a while back, and despite that being a one-word answer for reasons I can't explain that answer ended up being 2500+ words, and then I fell asleep in the bathtub and forgot to put out the announcement clarifying the new deadline, or queue any overnight polls.

So this is the NEW deadline.

Submissions will now close at MIDNIGHT, PACIFIC STANDARD TIME, FOR REAL.

...until I oversleep and forget to close it again, so it will probably still be open after that. But when I do wake up, I'll close submissions INSTANTLY. But if you do manage to sneak in a little in overtime, I won't blame you, and they'll still be eligible for the bracket.

But this is officially your last call - so please, feel free to send in as many submissions as you like! Remember, this is your last chance!

Thanks for sticking with me and my bullshit guys. Every single one of you is a treasure, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I'll be updating the master post with this information.

There are three other things I want to update you on.

Firstly, a lot of people have started submitting takes through asks - do not do this. Yes, I might make a poll on it, but it will not be eligible for the bracket. Please use the form.

Secondly, yeah, I forgot about the PFP poll again.

The struggles of being an airhead.

The winner of the poll ended up being Hellmo - but I've decided that I can't bring myself to change it. As stupid as it sounds, I've unironically grown so attached to this Astolfo avatar that I genuinely can't bring myself to change it; now that I've gotten so used to it representing me on this blog, the idea of changing it now is heartbreaking to me.

It doesn't help - and I'm being 100% serious - Astolfo was unironically my actual idol when I was a teenager, despite me knowing absolutely nothing about Fate. There's some backstory there which I won't get into now, but I was secretly overjoyed when someone actually suggested them as an avatar, even though it was in literally the weirdest way possible and didn't even relate to 'hot takes' in any way. I didn't say any of that because I didn't want to influence the results, but I will admit that secretly I was really hoping they would win, as unlikely as it was - which is why I decided to use them as an avatar for the short time I had left before the poll closed, knowing they would be swept and that I would be devastated when I did have to change it.

So, I know I said I would abide by the results of every poll, no matter what - it's literally one of the main rules of the blog - but just once I am going to break that rule.

Instead, I'm going to make the Hellmo picture the blog header - I really hope you can at least understand why I'm doing this, and I'm genuinely so, so sorry for letting you guys down like this. I know I've let you guys down before, and I can't apologise enough.

Secondly, I know I've massively overshared on this blog before, and now that I know it might happen again - sometimes I start writing and the words just keep pouring out onto the page - I've decided to start using the tag #h-t-t backstory for those posts if I ever do make another. Those posts might relate to mental health and similar issues, potentially including substance abuse. And I know a lot of you guys don't want to see that, so absolutely feel free to block that tag.

That's all for now - again, thank you all so much, and keep putting in the submissions! <3

[uuuuuhhhhlana]

i'm really sorry for asking this but i once asked you if you could explain the reasoning behind your canon komahina playlist, and i remember you made like a really lengthy post and i loved it. but i've been scouring your tumblr and i cannot for the life of me find it and it's killing me. could you please repost it or send me the link for the original post, i'm sorry lol

hi!!! you’re all good! i’m glad you loved it!! unfortunately i am the same as you and cannot find the original post ANYWHERE 😭 but, luckily i still have the response which i kept in my notes app for sentimental reasons so i’m able to repost it here!! keep in mind i have included new songs that were not part of the og post, and removed songs that are no longer in the playlist,,but without further ado, my canon komahina playlist song guide!! :D

i’ll try to explain as best as i can!! i’ll indicate which songs belong to each arc that i wish i could do in the playlist <3 (also to clarify, this playlist is just also stuff i find and include on a whim, and may not exactly fit because i haven’t had time to listen to the whole playlist in full lol sorry)

also lol this is gonna be long

🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎

pregame (despair arc anime stuff)

カミイロアワセ—binaria (this is just despair arc’s opening!! it may have been confusing if you haven’t watched the anime lol, also some songs are just here to help transition into different parts of the timeline!! ^^)

waiting in the wings—eden espinosa (this is a character specific song for hajime, i thought it was good to emphasise his feelings towards being the the reserve course, always trying so hard and never reaching what he truely wants (ah, there are a few character specific songs in this, it’s just to give them their own views and thoughts during the situation lol))

are you satisfied?—marina (okay THIS is meant to both portray their lives and actions during despair arc before the tragedy and how their lives are about to completely change (mainly hinata’s transition into kamukura) half is meant to showcase the lead up to his agreement to the kamukura project (“are you satisfied with your average life?” “it’s my problem if i want to pack up and run away…if i feel the need to hide” and the other half is about komaeda’s luck and how heavily it has affected his life before leading him to be accepted into hope’s peak (“one life pretending to be the cat who got the cream” “do i need to lie to make my way in life?” “nothing comes for free”) uh yea akskddgaksd)

never say never the animation—tkdz2b (this is just a transition to like. the udg/thh killing game shebang, nothing really important there)

e.v.o.l—marina (kamukoma nation rise,,,,just them (mostly servant) being Freaks™ together heheheheh,,, also like,,how basically junko’s influence turned them to the fucked up despair peeps they are!! (“it only takes a drop of evil to fuck up two beautiful people”,,,) :))

coming down—halsey (more kamukoma crumbs anyone??? basically komaeda worshipping kamukura and smex looolll. i imagine they encountered each other multiple times during and after udg (it’s canon i said so ansjddf :,))

🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎

game (prologue)

pixel galaxy—snail’s house (neo world program time babeyyyy)

welcome to dangan island—masafumi takada (what’s this weird rabbit thing?? we’re on an island now? ah! we’re meant to be collecting hope fragments?? this is totally normal and not a killing game right? right???)

beautiful rain (summer salt) —masafumi takada (relax! enjoy making friends (and potential love interests) on this lovey dovey school trip! :))

heart attack—loona (komaeda love at first sight bullshit like PLEASEEE (i will insert as many songs to convey my agenda as possible LMAO)

sugar rush—addison grace (komaeda’s pov, he’s only met hinata for two (2) seconds and already has a crush LMFAO also, assume that there’s been like a teensy bit of time (like two days) since they got here, it needs to have time to build up aksdkfgh my playlist my rules <3)

two time—jack stauber’s micropop (hinata’s pov, he also seems to be developing some feelings, but something seems…off? i wonder what it could possibly be…)

danganronpa super mix—masafumi takada (the killing game has begun blah blah blah you know the drill)

chapter 1

entropy—awkward mania (aka komaeda being a little shit pt 1, now in this intense situation, komaeda does his 180 and starts his descent, but it’s for hope so that’s fine :P (probably when he plans the murder set up))

ghost rule—deco*27 (komaeda’s antagonistic demeanour reveal to hinata and the others. he gets hinata to figure out his malice, if he “figured the (komaeda) he knew was just a sham”. he knows his crush? and the rest will likely dislike him from now, but needs to push on so that he’s able to assist them in overcoming any despair thrown at them)

you give love a bad name—bon jovi (hinata feels betrayed, poor bby ;( the person he once liked? (crushed on) and was kind enough to help him out during introductions and the investigation is now gone)

it should have been me—riproducer (more komaeda monologue bullshit,,,,basically saying that hinata should have chosen komaeda as the blackened and is now confused as to why hinata is mad at him. after all, all he wanted to do was lead the ultimates towards hope and combat despair, why is the one he considerably looked up to most so upset with him? oh well, now that komaeda is here to stay (potentially for now) now his pandora’s box opened, he warns hinata to keep a close eye on him unless he were to act out again….)

chapter 2 and chapter 3

pandora’s box—marina (hinata’s just hurt and confused by komaeda’s behaviour tbh, but like. fair. now he’s become like an enigma oooooohhh)

problems—mother mother (komaeda’s pov, him bad in the eyes of hinata, hinata good >:( and komaeda self deprecation™. he still loves hinata tho despite the killing game because that’s the totally normal response to all of this, i can’t really fit more here?? LOL maybe “tied up and branded, locked in a cage” can be a reference to THAT scene but like, yea that’s it ajsjsdfgh)

the outsider—marina (komaeda having a main character moment™, also, he KNOWS he’s unpredictable and hard to comprehend. uh oh)

inferno—reinaeiry (komaeda being a little shit pt 2, he wants to rile hinata up with some antagonistic flirting babeyyyy)

love trial—chano, 40mp (komaeda’s guilty of being in love (smh he should be he fell in love in a damn killing game :///) he still thinks he has a chance for hinata to love him back, while simultaneously helping him and MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT FOR HIM ansjdfghh (aka komaeda being a little shit pt 2) he also suspects hinata may like him back in some way but he’s just denying it 👀)

bodybag—chloe moriondo (hinata’s having conflicted feelings :// sometimes he wants to punch komaeda on the mouth with HIS mouth and sometimes he just wants to punch him)

vices and virtues—reinaeiry (kinda chapter 3 territory here. komahina narrative foils real?!?)

hermit the frog—marina (this one’s kinda iffy but eehhh, it’s a flip flop of pov’s between hinata and komaeda, first, hinata knows that komaeda can outsmart him, and is always one step head of him in the trials and it still annoys him akskddgg then it switches to komaeda (at: “well i, went to the doctors believing…”) when he’s got the liars disease and wants hinata to stay but is unable to do so (ya know THAT scene) (fun fact: this part was inspired by an animatic) then some lead up to early chapter 4 and more homoerotic tension blah blah blah. like i said, this one’s a bit hard to fit in with the timeline but the animatic part is what stuck to me keeping it in)

bizzare love triangle—new order (hinata looking back on ch 1 komahina times and missing it “why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday?” he’s scared of what’s gonna happen between them down the line)

chapter 4

no strings attached (enemies to lovers)—backseat vagabond (it’s when they’ve entered the fun house and takes place some days before the 4th murder. literally just (one sided) hate smex LMAO….that leads to some reignited feelings from hinata…?)

i forgot that you exist—yonkagor (the investigation is underway and komaeda has just met up with hinata and nanami after the final dead room stuff. komaeda finds out everything and treats hinata like utter garbage, they break up without even being together in the first place <\3 brocken)

backstabber—kesha (“I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!1!1!1” hinata feels betrayed again. he’s just like “wth man :(“ and komaeda is still a bitch ansndf)

fan behaviour—issac dunbar (komaeda’s just like “oh you hate me? cute <3” (condescending) and basically just talks down to him that now the “tables have turned” because komaeda used to look up to hinata and the others and basically saw himself as a loser and now THEY’RE all the losers lmao)

woke up—olivia olson, zuzu (hinata grows a pair and is basically just like “you know what, screw you you’re so annoying and literally no one likes you lol stfu” also candy kingdom=hope philosophy or whatever bajsjdfg)

wolf in sheep’s clothing—set it off (hinata just digging into komaeda (probably during the trial), he’s literally SO done with his shit, the wire is about to snap :,))

wishful drinking—tessa violet (komaeda character song, after the 4th trial, he knows he’s separated from the group now more than ever (visually i see him in his cottage, poison bottle in his hand, whilst intense staring commences) and he starts to set up for the beginning of the end…..)

chapter 5

smile—ukuletea (this is specifically during the free time event with komaeda at the military base, or lack there of, because if you try to talk to him, komaeda says something along the lines of “don’t worry about me, go talk with one of the others” with a smile on his face (hence “carry on by, i’ll see you off with a smile) it’s meant to be the final ‘normal’ encounter you have with him before what comes after. i imagine that just somehow, someway, komaeda still couldn’t let go of those lingering feelings for hinata, but knows he can’t go back to the way things were, so he’s instead pushing hinata even more away :()

冬のはなし (Fuyu no hanashi)—given (komahina duet, both are looking at their broken relationship, what they’ve lost, they’re both finding difficulty to move on and forget what happened between them, it’s meant to be a sad but bittersweet moment of clinging onto a small piece of hope that each one will still have some longing feeling there)

i just want to be the one you love—cryst (for this one i imagine that komaeda is listening to this on a record player in his cottage (don’t question it LMAO) more longing and loss for a love he can never have,,, ;()

oh ana—thquib, gumi (komaeda is conflicted :// he wants to become the ultimate hope by getting rid of the others (the remnants of despair) but he also hates having to find out this information because of what it means (from his perspective anyways). komaeda still clings onto his deep love for hinata even despite being the personification of his near opposing worldview, and is desperate for hinata to help him out of his turmoil)

bang!—ajr (now with his extremely antagonistic persona, komaeda explodes the lobby and threatens to blow up the rest of the island unless the traitor reveals themself)

crossing the line—mandy moore and eden espinosa (komahina duet, hinata says that komaeda has finally gone too far and begs for him to stop what he is doing, which komaeda refutes saying he will do anything it takes to see his plans be fulfilled, even if that means the others will see him as a complete monster for it)

nothing left to lose—jeremy jordan and eden espinosa (komahina duetttt, literally just a reiteration of same thing that’s explained in the song above (i TOLD you i like to insert as many songs as possible to convey the agenda LOL))

ready as i’ll ever be—tangled cast (another kmhn duet, hinata and the gang go to search for the hidden bombs komaeda has planted on the island, while komaeda goes to set up in the warehouse, both are preparing themselves for whatever may come next)

killer—the ready set (komaeda finally decides to let go of his feelings for hinata, as he will soon no longer be alive to still have them)

time is running out—muse (hinata is still searching for the bombs, and feels backed into a corner by komaeda’s actions, he feels komaeda has complete control in this situation, but is still somehow despite it all intrigued by him. it’s like it’s a car crash you can’t look away from )

again—crusher-p (komaeda’s lament pt 1, with a side of self torment and depreciation, he internally regrets how far he went with his antagonistic behaviour but it’s too late to go back)

eventually—tame impala (komaeda’s lament pt 2, with a side of regret and mourning, he truely believes that this is the only way out of this situation, and with that small lingering attachment of his feelings towards hinata, komaeda internally apologises for all the pain he has caused his one-sided (?) love, knowing his death will hopefully be the last time he gives hinata any grief, that he will eventually move on from komaeda,,,,)

sweet hibiscus tea—penelope scott (komaeda’s lament pt 3 with a side of dissasociation and questioning of what is reality (see: “the artificial way the sunlight bounces off the waxy leaves”) before the door opens to his demise)

arms tonite—mother mother (“i died in you armsssss” *cue dramatic komaeda dying in hinata’s arms scene*. it’s kinda like komaeda talking from beyond the grave, lol)

stuff is way—they might be giants (okay so that infamous makoto and junko animatic of the same song but replace those two with kmhn and the events that have happened over the course of the jabberwock killing school trip up til now. if you haven’t watched it pls do it’s so good)

karma—crusher-p (hinata has just been completely and utterly crushed by what has happened now. kinda like a stages of grief thing (he’s on denial and anger ansjddf) he thinks komaeda’s luck has finally failed him and got the karma that was coming to him: (a reference to the aforementioned wolf in sheep’s clothing)(but shhhh, he knows nothing yet)

all eyes on me—or3o (the chapter 5 trial, hinata basically just reflecting on komaeda’s actions, how he controlled and took centre stage during almost every previous trial and now it’s his turn to uncover the menacing truth komaeda left behind for him (salty salty aksndnfgg))

hidden in the sand—tally hall (after the chapter 5 trial, hinata mourns in his cottage once more and looks back on the time he and komaeda spent together during the prologue because those are good memories for him :,))

chapter 6

something changed—creepP (the epilogue to chapter 5 leading into the final chapter, when hinata and the remaining survivors are beginning to sense this island may not be what they’ve believed this whole time, with friends they’ve mourned suddenly appearing before them, their return to hopes peak, surrounded by glitched walls, unexpected jumps from room to room, and mangas outlining moments and events they can’t seem to remember,, in addition to monokuma’s strange behaviour, it’s easy to see that something isn’t quite right,,,,)

haze—tessa violet (inspired by another animatic of the same song, it’s hinata centric and centred around his feelings and thoughts as kamukura coming into light, and the subsequential transformation, featuring some tiny kmhn crumbs)

help me—or3o (chapter 6 trial, hinata’s pov. a final reflection of all that has occurred in the now world, also the official hinata was kamukura reveal. the inner voices of nanami and kamukura in addition to the help from the other survivors, pushing his determination to take down alter ego junko and create his own future (yeah these last few songs aren’t really kmhn centric but like. komaeda being unalivan’t doesn’t help with that ajsjdfgh))

white space—omori (ahhh this is just them getting out of the neo world, with the final walls crumbling and the venture into the unknown future ahead of them)

🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎

post game

it’s not the same anymore—rex orange county (hinata laments on how simple his life used to be, but now that’s something he can never turn back to, and he knows it. so, all he can do now is live with it and move on towards a better future with the help of his friends)

strange sight—kt tunstall (IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! to me this is like The komahina song Ever. this is once the survivors have woken up, and their comatose classmates have miraculously woken up, all except for one. hinata goes into the room with all the pods to set up the world destroyer program for komaeda, but before he does that, he looks down at the occupied pod, reflects once again on this boy, no not boy, man, this enigma, the fact that this is the one singular person in his life that has never been more interesting and confusing to him, and yet he still wants to understand him, understand him even more, wake him up so he can at last get closer to him the way he wished when they first met on that beach in the neo world>>>>>)

danganronpa 2.5 (komaeda and the world destroyer)

bitter choco decoration—syudou ((also known as: komaeda’s analysis hour) (komaeda’s perspective of his life and what he sees around him,,, komaeda has always wanted to help others instead of be helped, he tries not to hurt the ones he cares about,, he smiles and laughs with practiced ease, even if it means it’s at his own expense,,, after all, why should his classmates worry about him? he aims to praise and worship, telling them what they want to hear even if he doesn’t believe it himself because they display so much potential, so much hope, they don’t deserve to be upset or dragged down by his burdens . he will insert himself as a background character into each of their lives, and shut down his own significance in process)

i hate it here—quinn (komaeda’s artificial world,,, throughout living within the program, komaeda begins to slightly change his perspective of himself, he feels as though his luck is a complete waste of a talent and he’s becoming something he never wished to be, just another face in the crowd. rather, if he were in a more ideal world, talent wouldn’t matter much to him, his good luck rather helped those he cared about and the bad luck was instead given to himself, and he would maybe even have friends (even though they may be somewhat reluctant))

miss wanna die—jubyphonic (i see this as komaeda with the world destroyer, someone who feels somewhat familiar to him for a reason he can’t yet sustain, killing his friends and ruining his ‘perfect world’. when he meets world destroyer, komaeda knows it’s there for a specific reason, for some reason he senses and flashes back to a specific and stubborn presence continuously reaching out for him that for some reason feels that komaeda can’t continue to be in this coping mechanism world he has created for the rest of his sleeping life (i wonder who that is ajsjdfg). he realises that this is a dream he’s been living in and wishes to wake up and return to reality

絶対希望バースデ—megumi ogata (roll credits on 2.5 babey :))))

🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎🤍🤎

hope arc

connect—amalee (hinata’s pov, after looking at what remains of their wrecked and damaged world, clouded with loss, death, and desolate destruction, whilst observing komaeda from his personal nwp run in order to wake him, hinata gives himself a silent vow to always be by komaeda’s side, and to ensure they both can help each other recover within what remains of their despair-ridden world, and rebuild it together along with support from their friends and found family now matter how hard it may be)

心做し—akane (komaeda has woken up, hinata shows no anger, resentment or hate toward him and wonders why, he believes hinata should despise him with every fibre of his being after all the pain he had caused during the killing game, he doesn’t want hinata to be hurt by him again, so komaeda tries to push him away once more, but hinata just holds him and comforts him as komaeda cries into his shoulder)

strange sight reprise—kt tunstall (hinata comforts komaeda some more, finally being able to understand him just a little (only a little, for now, he thinks. a small success regardless) he tells komaeda that he still believes him to be a good person because hinata knows komaeda genuinely cares about him and the others in his own (quirky) way

that distant shore—jennifer paz (hhhhhh komaeda has internal hope for resolution and recovery, with the inclination that he’s no longer alone now that hinata and him are getting along again,,,sorry LMAO kinda brain dead rn to think of anything else to say here)

flaws—bastille (hinata takes at look at his and komaeda’s flaws: komaeda’s being his luck, something he’s always had to live with, how it’s affected him, affected others and how he’s never hidden the fact that he believed his luck to be a burden to him. meanwhile hinata’s flaw was his feeling towards talent, his lack there of and how that ultimately led him to forever changing his life, he hated his flaws so much that he wanted to bury them as deep as possible, so others wouldn’t see how easily they were able to control his emotions. and now, after all they’ve been through, they are able to live with the flaws they have and use them to better understand each other)

our life—fat bard (some time after hope arc, hinata’s pov, the remnants of despair are now living on the island that was once an artificial nightmare. despite the tragedy, jabberwock almost looks to be returning into a peaceful paradise again. things have begun to change: structures being rebuilt, the sky returning blue with time, crimes slowly being forgiven and bonds being formed (wink wink nudge nudge). days and months come and go, the remnants have made peace that they will be potentially spending the rest of their lives here.

sunkissed—khai dreams (peaceful jabberwock dayze, komaeda’s pov. the feelings of his crush that he first had on the very same island from forever ago have returned tenfold, hinata has gotten closer to him and there’s a feeling of reciprocation there, but he’s to scared to confess to hinata just yet, he’s pining :()

walk but in the garden—llusion, mxmtoon (moar peaceful jabberwock dayze. hinata’s pov. him spending time with komaeda doing mundane things, hanging out and having fun despite being isolated from the rest of the world. they’ve managed to find their own peace here :))

still into you—paramore (omgggg confession time, the time has finally come!! :D aka: despite everything, it’s still you……and they were narrative foils and now they’re in love (omg they were narrative foils and now they’re in love))

come what may—nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor (komahina duetttttt *singing with intensity* “SUDDENLY MY LIFE DOESN’T SEEM SUCH A WASTE, IT ALL REVOLVES AROUND YOUUUU” each one at the beginning of their lives were shrouded with a feeling of being someone who is so worthless, one because of their talent, and the other because they lacked talent,,,but now they have both found someone they love and cherish, and make them feel their life is worth living for what remains until the end of time HHHHHHHH)

good old-fashioned lover boy—queen (kmhn marriage!! preparations….they write their vows and celebrate with their friends and kiss….yeas…)

me and my husband—mitski (pretty self explanatory ahsjdjdfg. komaeda’s pov btw)

AND WE’RE FINALLY DONE!! oof that took a while lmaooo, there’s more i could probably expand on in some songs but my brain hurts aaahhh

also take note that these songs are subject to change, i may take some out if i find a better replacement but what i have here now is just what i think fits best at the time!! i know it’s not perfect ajsjdfg and if you had some alternative songs, or new ones to potentially add please feel free to share!! but once again thank you so much! to think something i did self indulgently and as a joke became something people genuinely like makes my happy! :)

edit: as of writing this, i have replayed the playlist and taken some songs out that either didn’t quite fit or were too repetitive, but as i said, it’s subject to change :))

[ignitedbynatsu]

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Laxus

A/N: Erik/Cobra will be up next! I’ll probably post it next Tuesday or something like that. Anyway let me know who you want me to do next! I was thinking Natsu or Rogue 🤔 (future me: well that was a big lie 😶)

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel weak), cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Erik/Cobra ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Natsu  ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

It was supposed to be an easy mission. Go in by morning, get back by noon. For some reason you couldn’t get yourself to focus, often leaving blind spots, but luckily Laxus was always in time to protect you from harm. 

You didn’t like relying on others, especially Laxus. It only made your overthinking worse. After all, why would he be with someone that’s not even S-class? You’ve heard the whispers in the guild and Magnolia. Mira-Jane and Laxus would’ve been a much better couple than you two. Even Erza would’ve been a better match, but he still chooses you. Was it out of pity? Did he think you’d get better eventually? Was it a joke? After all, you hadn’t been dating for that long. He could easily change his mind if he saw how weak you actually were.

As your thoughts kept going down the negative spiral, you once again left your right side completely open. Only this time Laxus wasn’t in time to protect you, resulting in a nasty cut that ran across your ribcage.

Laxus finally decided he had enough as he saw his significant other clutches her side, blood soaking through the fabric of your shirt. He electrocuted everyone around, making sure not to hit you. 

“I’m sorry-“ You wanted to apologize but quickly cowered at his stone-cold glare 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, (Y/N)? How many times am I gonna have to save you today? Get your head out of your ass and start taking this serious, or I’m going home.” He growled “I don’t need this job. If anything it’s an embarrassment that I still go on such low-class jobs. This wouldn’t have happend if I went with Freed”

The vile words that came out of Laxus mouth, confirmed your already overwhelming fears. You were too weak. You were nothing but a burden to him. The difference in power between you two was enormous. While this job seemed like a walk in the park for him, you still would’ve struggled even if you didn’t have an off day. You wouldn’t have gotten hurt that’s for sure, but you still would’ve been drained afterwards. 

“I’ll be better,” You said quietly as you bit through the pain. You recollected yourself and fought off the remaining bad guys, making sure that you were covered on all sides.

All throughout the fight, the pain in your side got worse. It felt like someone was stabbing you repeatedly, but you bit your tongue and decided to ignore it. You didn’t want to look even weaker in front of your boyfriend. After all, it was just a light graze, right?

“How’s your wound?” Laxus asked once you left the job requester’s house with your payment. “It’s fine don’t worry about it”

“Really? Let me take a look” He pressed, but you pushed his reaching hands away “I’m serious, Laxus, it’s just a small cut nothing to be worried about”

That was a massive lie. The cut burned with every step you took. The both of you didn’t even notice that there was still some blood spilling out of it due to your shirt being incredibly dirty from the mud and blood mixed together.

Once back at the guild, Laxus went straight up to Freed, Bixlow and Evergreen, while you went and sat at the table Lucy, Wendy and Carle were seated at.

“How did the job go?” Wendy asked as she sipped on whatever drink she had ordered from Mira-Jane.

“Some cuts and bruises, but the payment was worth it” You joked. The two girls and Exeed laughed at that before talking about something else.

You zoomed out as your wound was taking up all of your attention. It felt as if your heart was beating right where the cut was. With every heartbeat, you had to do your best to suppress a wince. 

“(Y/N)? Are you okay? You look a bit pale” Carle suddenly asked, snapping you out of your thoughts

“Yeah… I’m going to the toilet” You didn’t make it far, because the moment you stood up you collapsed to the ground, fainting from the amount of blood you had lost.

“(Y/N)?” Laxus called out, panicked, as he saw your familiar figure hit the ground with a thud. He quickly shot out of his seat and was in mere seconds crouched next to your body, picking your head up carefully. 

“Everyone, step back!” Makarov ordered as Wendy knelt next to you as well. She lifted your shirt and gasped at the deep cut.

“How did you not know about this?” Wendy asked the older mage as Mira-Jane quickly ran off to get a wet towel to clean out your wound and some bandages.

“I know she got hit, but when I asked her about it, she told me it wasn’t anything serious” Wendy was already performing a healing spell on you while Mira-Jane rejoined to clean out the wound. “She lost a lot of blood, so she’ll need some rest, other than that, I think I healed her”

“I’ll take her home. Thank you, Wendy” Laxus picked you up carefully before saying goodbye to the others and reassuring them he’d look after you.

As he walked the short walk home, he couldn’t help but wonder why you lied to him. Did you not trust him? 

He had laid you down in bed and decided to prepare the both of you some food while you were still out cold. This is the reason why you woke up to the smell of something burning. “Laxus?” You croaked as you recognized the all too familiar room you woke up in.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed” He quickly rushed you back. It was a rare sight to see Laxus worry about someone this much, but it was a sight you often got to see when you two were alone.

“What happened?” You asked as you peaked over his shoulders at the steam coming out of your kitchen.

“I wanted to make us some food since you were still out cold, but as you can see, it didn’t really go as planned.” He replied as he scratched the back of his neck with the ever slightest tone of pink visible on his cheeks.

“It was very thoughtful of you, thank you,” You said as you got back in bed with you back rested against the headboard. 

Laxus sat down as well, but at the end of the bed, putting some distance between the two of you, signalling that something was up. He made it even more clear when he let out a heavy sigh “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal-“ “that’s bullshit, (Y/N), and you know it” He cut you off before you could finish your excuse. A heavy silence was placed upon the two of you. You were contemplating whether you should let him in on your thoughts or not.

“Do you not trust me?” He asked softly, you had never heard the feared Laxus this vulnerable, it made you feel guilty for making him feel that way. 

“No! No, of course not. I trust you with all my heart, it’s just…” You trailed off, at a lost for words once again. You didn’t want to seem weak in front of him. Furthermore, you wanted to prove that you were just fine, but you couldn’t think of a believable lie.

“(Y/N), please, tell me what’s on your mind. Was it something I said?” He pressed on.

“What is it that you see in me, Laxus?” You asked softly. “Where is this coming from?”

You sighed, making sure you were 100% okay with letting him in on your insecurities before continuing “You can’t tell me you haven’t heard the whispers on the street about you and Mira. You two would be a much better match. I’m just some weak mage that’s only holding you back. I’ll never reach your level. Not only that, but I don’t even get why you still want to go out with me on these kind of jobs ‘cause it’s as you said, it’s an embarrassment for you to still do these. The fact that I still see them as hard only proofs how I’ll never be good enough to be an S-class wizard like Mira or Erza. I’ll never live up to the standard of being the girlfriend of the powerful Laxus. I’m just… Not good enough I guess”

He listened carefully that every word that left your mouth and realization struck him as you recalled his words. He had made you doubt yourself. “Is that really what you think I care about?”

You looked up at him and softly nodded your head while biting down your lip. Afraid of him starting to laugh at you for your insecurities. “Listen, (Y/N), I wouldn’t give two flying shits about you being strong or not. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if you had magic or not. I fell in love with you for who you are. You are the smartest, most creative, breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Don’t even get me started on that smile. I am deeply sorry for playing into your securities. I was frustrated with myself for not protecting you from that bad guy in time. Please, don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me something because you’re afraid that you’ll come across as weak. I care much more for your health than your pride”

“You love me?” You asked as you looked at him with puppy eyes.

“That’s all you took from that?” He chuckled softly, making you give him a sheepish smile “But, yes, I love you. I know we’ve only been dating for a couple of months and I don’t expect you to say it back, so-“

“I love you too, Laxus. Sorry for making you think I couldn’t trust you.” You said as you inched closer to give him a sweet kiss “So, how about some take out?”

[wkemeup]

Sunrise (4)

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU) pairings: bucky x reader chapter word count: 5.2k warnings: symptoms of depression, PTSD, anxiety, some really sweet moments to balance it out, more book recs 🧡 series masterlist / series playlist

“You’re staring at the doors again, sweetie.”

Chin resting on your hands, arms folded out on the countertop of the library’s front desk, you tore your eyes away from the entrance to find Mrs. Jefferson peering over at you from over the bridge of her glasses. She smirked as she returned to her book, knowing she’d caught you in the act.  

“Have patience,” she said simply.

“Book club is tomorrow and—” you sighed, a heaviness returning to your body as you slumped back against the counter, stare drifting back to the doors at the entrance. The sun was beaming outside, reflecting in beautiful rays as it illuminated the walkway and touched over old oak and the colorful bindings of novels. 

You frowned. “I really thought he was going to come.”

“This James Barnes... he’s a soldier, yes? Like my boy?”  

You nodded, disappointment burning like a lump in your throat, though you swallowed it back. “A Sergeant. Sam said he came home a little under a year ago.”  

“Then he’ll come,” Mrs. Jefferson pressed confidently, sliding her glasses up her nose, the chain of purple beads clicking against the gem stones on her sweater. “Boys like that don’t break their word. Even if he is a bit of a hesitant one.”

You knew what she meant by that. Hesitant.  

No one liked to talk about the dangers of a soldier post-war. It was uncomfortable; the idea that they could still be fighting a battle long beyond the absence of a weapon in their hands and the threat of present danger. Heroes weren’t supposed to have chinks in their armor. They weren’t supposed to crumble and break under the weight of what happened beyond borders and the guilt they carried.  

They were supposed to be strong; a symbol of a great country and a willing tribute to place upon a pedestal. It was unacceptable to be a burden, unacceptable to do anything other than seamlessly integrate back into a society that they never really knew to begin with.  

It was all a farce; a rigged game set to line the pockets of the rich and exploit everyone else in its path – sent off to fight for a cause no one really understood or believed in. It left behind good men and women to the rubble; Bucky Barnes among them.  

Sam hadn’t told you much about Bucky before you met him, but you knew enough to tell that it was a struggle to get him to leave the apartment. He was isolated and quiet and hardly recognizable from the man you’d seen in photos. Only, it wasn’t the lack of his left arm that drew your attention when you first saw him, but the lingering sadness in his eyes.  

Sam had a picture hanging in the office that often pulled you in. Bucky stood on his left side, smiling so wide it left lines on his face. He was bright, light as a feather, only weighed down by Steve’s arm slung around his shoulders. You wondered if the man in the photo would have flirted shamelessly with you, if he’d have corny pickup lines or offer to take you dancing. He looked like the sort of man who had girls chasing his tail, a line of heartbreak in his wake. He was beautiful.  

It was strange to see him like that, comparing him to the man he was today. Now, it was like a cloud lingered over his head, draining the color from his skin and chipping away at his soul until it dimmed and crumbled and faded away.  

But you’d seen glimpses of the man in the photo. He was still beautiful; a little hurt and dragging his feet, but beautiful. His smile wasn’t quite as wide and the cloud was still present, but there was a peak of sunshine peering through. A single ray puncturing over stormy skies, but it was something. He’d laughed and teased and it was more than Sam had known him to do in months. You were determined to see the sun touch his skin again. If only he’d let you guide him there.  

“I’m going to go restock on the second level,” you conceded, pushing yourself up from the counter and sauntering over to the cart lined heavy with books.  

“Alright sweetie. I’ll be sure to page you when your Sergeant shows up.”

You felt a heat burning in your face at the very idea of ‘your Sergeant’. Mrs. Jefferson chuckled to herself, eyes still down on her book. She waved you off, not giving you a chance to object, even if you could string together a coherent sentence.  

***

Bucky couldn’t get out of bed.  

He’d been in this predicament hundreds of times before; staring up at the ceiling, wasting the days away as the curtains blocked the light and shielded him from the reminder of another sun daring to rise beyond his window. His energy would be drained and his willingness to so much as brush his teeth was obsolete. He’d known what it felt like to not be able to get out of bed.  

This was different.  

He had somewhere to be. He actually wanted to get up. He really fucking wanted to.

But the pain in his arm had flared to one of the worst episodes he’d had in months and it rendered him useless; the arm that was both there and not there. He could feel his left hand curl to a fist, could feel the itch on his palm, but when he tried to scratch it, he was only met with thin air, his right hand sinking to the mattress in search of the sensation that didn’t exist.  

It was infuriating.  

The nerve endings in his shoulder were going haywire. It felt like his arm was being ripped from his body and it took nearly all the energy he had not to let it consume him. He’d even gone as far to bite off a piece of his cheek in an effort to suppress the lump in his throat.  

Sam would have frowned at that, spewed him some bullshit about how crying can be therapeutic and Steve would nod his head annoyingly in agreement, but Bucky was tougher than that. He had to be tougher than that. If he allowed himself to unlatch that gate, it would consume him whole. He’d drown.  

Hinges squeaked at the front entrance as the door swung open and a pair of heavy footsteps came rushing into the apartment.  

“I’m coming, buddy! Hold on!” Sam called, the plastic swish of the grocery bag handing off his arms dropping to the floor. Bucky tried to concentrate on the sound of running water, the bottle of pills shaking in the small orange bottle, and not on the pain threatening to tear him in half.  

The door to his bedroom flung open and Sam rushed in with a glass of water and his fist closed around two red capsules. He paused in the frame, a frown pushing down at his mouth, and Bucky could only imagine what he looked like; disheveled, sweating, laying in day old clothes and muddled sheets. His right hand was shaking.  

“Alright, help me out, Barnes,” Sam said, setting the glass down on the bedside table. He placed a steady hand on Bucky’s back to help push himself upright. Bucky swung his legs off the side of the bed, finding his balance before Sam placed the pills in his hand.  

Bucky threw them back into his mouth, holding his hand out for the glass of water that would come next. It landed in his grip and he gulped down the medication. There was no instant relief with pain like this, but the knowledge it would soon wear off to something manageable was enough.  

“Thanks,” he mumbled out, voice tense as he struggled to find it.  

“Insurance companies are assholes,” Sam scoffed, shaking his head, though he patted Bucky on the knee. “Cutting off coverage for a fucking vet with no warning like that? Can’t believe you’ve been without this stuff for almost a week. It’s messed up.”  

Bucky had come to expect it. He knew something had to go wrong eventually with how things were starting to turn around. He’d actually been looking forward to seeing you at the library and almost went that next day if it wasn’t for the sudden attack on his own body. He'd tried to deal with it on his own, thinking he might sleep it off, but then it became unbearable. Insurance wouldn’t budge and he didn’t have the energy to argue on the phone with them all day. Thankfully, Sam did.  

Except now it was a day before the next book club meeting and Bucky didn’t know how he was supposed to face you. Part of him wondered if you'd be disappointed, if maybe you’d steal a glance over the doors and hope that it was him walking through, only to be let down as each day passed by. The other half wondered if you’d care at all.  

But he’d seen the way you’d smiled at him, how you’d lit up at the idea of him stopping by.  

You’d care.  

He wasn’t sure if that hurt worse, seeing as he never showed up.  

“You could still go.”

Bucky sighed at Sam’s suggestion. He wasn’t teasing him, wasn’t wearing that shit-eating grin. He was being serious. It was the kind of look that reminded Bucky that under it all, Sam was one of his closest friends, one of the few that stuck around when everything went to shit.

“She’ll want to see you,” Sam continued, nudging Bucky’s side with a soft smile, but Bucky shook his head, unconvinced.

“What am I supposed to say to her, Sam?” Bucky groaned, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “’Sorry I stood you up, but I felt like my hand was being sawed off on an arm I don’t even fucking have?’”

“Why not?” Sam shrugged, earning a glare in response he let roll off his shoulders with ease. “She’d understand, Buck. She knows what comes with the territory here. She’s a lot more familiar with this stuff than you think.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, a pang of jealousy burning hot in his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe you should ask her why she got involved with the VA in the first place.”

Bucky pressed his lips to a thin line, a silence coming over them. That was an immensely personal question; one akin to someone asking him how he’d lost his arm. He wasn’t sure that was an answer you’d be willing to share.  

Sam exhaled a heavy breath, patting Bucky three times on the knee before he stood up. “Let the meds kick in, but promise you’ll try to go, alright?”

Bucky stared up at Sam for a moment before he conceded with a short nod. The pain in his shoulder was starting to lessen, at least. It didn’t feel like his arm was being torn from his body or a knife was plunging into a part of him that didn’t exist anymore. It would likely get back to a place he could deal with within the hour.

“I promise,” Bucky said. “I’ll go.”

***

A brush of warm air filtered in through the vents as Bucky stepped inside the library. It was bigger than he remembered with large stain glass windows on the outer walls, filtering in a colorful sunlight onto the aisles upon aisles of books. At the center, just ahead of the entrance, was a reception desk. Bucky exhaled a tense breath in an attempt to rid himself from the nerves rattling in his veins and made his way to the woman sitting behind the counter.  

She was reading quietly in her seat, a pair of glasses on a beaded chain perched at the very tip of her nose. She didn’t look up in his direction until he stood at the edge of the desk, and only then, she caught glance of him over the top of her glasses before a smile rose on her lips.  

“Can I help you, young man?”  

Bucky cleared his throat. “I’m supposed to meet someone. She, uh, works here. Y/n.”

The woman nodded. She wore the kind of smile on her face Bucky was familiar with. He’d seen it in Sam about a dozen times in the last week; the kind of smile that said ‘I was right.’

“You must be Sergeant Barnes,” she said as she picked up the radio from the desk.  

Bucky nodded quickly, glancing over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he felt jittery. He tried not to let the fact that you’d clearly talked to this woman about him throw him completely off his game. If he even had game to begin with…  

“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky replied with an even tone. She smirked.  

“Y/n,” she called into the radio, “you have a guest at the front desk.”

The woman held up a finger to him though it trembled with age, signaling for him to wait a moment. Bucky nodded, tucking his hand into his pocket as he silently made his way over to the series of chairs lined along the wall.  

He gripped his fist tight inside his pocket, trying to ignore the pulsing in his shoulder. It had lessened considerably since Sam brought him his meds, but it hadn’t gone away completely. Showering had taken longer than usual and it took him nearly four minutes just to pull a shirt over his head. His army jacket hung over his shoulders, wrapped in a protective layer, loose sleeve at his side. 

“If you’re pulling my chain, Mrs. Jefferson…”  

Bucky perked up at the sound of your voice. You were crossing the main entrance from the staircase, half jogging to the counter where the woman, Mrs. Jefferson, was grinning to herself from behind her book.  

You draped over the counter, toes barely keeping hold on the tile floors as you attempted to reach for her book, but she snatched it from your grasp just in time. You huffed, sinking back down the floor.  

“It’s not funny!” you whined and Bucky almost felt a little guilty for not making his presence known yet, but you were just so cute the way you slumped your shoulders and glanced back at the entrance.  

Mrs. Jefferson pointed over to where Bucky had slowly begun to make his way towards you, but you folded your arms over your chest. Bucky cleared his throat when he stood a few paces off your shoulder, but you didn’t seem to hear him.  

Mrs. Jefferson caught Bucky’s eye before she turned her attention back to you. “Sweetie, he’s—”

“He’s not coming, okay?” you groaned and Bucky felt a stone drop into his stomach. “I—I thought he would but… I was wrong.”

Bucky parted his lips to speak but suddenly his throat was dry. Mrs. Jefferson’s smile started to fade. Clearly, Bucky wasn’t the only one who heard the disappointment in your voice, the sliver of heartbreak, too. He tried to speak, to call your name, to say something, but he was marbled stone.  

“I’m going back to work.”

There wasn’t time to pull his words together before you slammed head first into Bucky’s chest. He stumbled back a few paces, surprised, and you gasped, hands flying to your mouth.  

“Oh God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t—” You stilled, taking in who was standing in front of you. “Bucky?”

He pressed out a smile, though his ears were burning red. “Sorry I’m late.”

“No! N-no, you’re totally fine! I didn’t—I didn’t think you were—” You blinked a few times before your eyes darted back at Mrs. Jefferson who only smirked from behind her book, adjusting the glasses on the tip of her nose. You turned back to Bucky, brushing out the hem of your skirt and wrapping the thick layer of a lavender colored cardigan tightly around your waist, almost like a blanket.  

You exhaled a nervous breath, a nervous smile lifting into your cheeks. “I’m happy you came.”

“It would have been sooner, I swear,” Bucky replied quickly, watching helplessly as your smile brightened into a laugh. “But, um, my uh—”  

He chewed on the edge of his lip. Was he really going to tell you what kept him held up in his room for days on end? Would it bitter the sweet way you looked at him to know that he was a mess under a poorly constructed surface, tied together with string and scotch tape? But you were looking at him so fondly, he wondered if there was anything he could say that could take that away.

“My arm,” he admitted, waiting for a flash of disgust on your face that never came. You softened a bit, but your eyes never left his. He cleared his throat. “It, um… It was just acting up. I ran out of meds and the pain it—it got bad. The kinda pain that sorta makes me wish I had the arm just so I could saw it off myself.”

Shit. He hadn’t mean to say that much but there was just something about the way you looked at him that made him feel like he couldn’t say a damn wrong thing. You pursed your lips, nodding in as much understanding as you could offer. You gestured to the staircase and Bucky followed you without question.  

“I would have been here last week,” Bucky finished because he needed you to know. He couldn’t stand the idea of you being upset, of that sliver of disappointment in your voice when you’d accepted he wasn’t going to show. He needed you to know he’d tried.  

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you said simply, though he could tell you appreciated it nonetheless. You offered him a smile, one that washed away any feelings of doubt that crept up to the surface. The pain in his shoulder was long forgotten when you looked at him like that.  

“I just wanted you to know.”

I just wanted you to know I’m trying.

He had something to look forward to now, a reason to get out of his bed and open the curtains and look at the fucking sun for once. He had reason to shower and go outside and shove away all the thoughts of self-doubt and paranoia because there was something incredible waiting for him beyond the door.  

I just wanted you to know you’re the reason I’m trying.

“Come on,” you grinned, leading him to the staircase. “I have a few books in mind you might like.”  

Your hand extended in his direction, but you caught yourself when you realized what you were doing. It was seamless enough that you easily played it off as you tugged your sweater tight around your body, but he noticed. It was an intimate gesture, a closeness he hadn’t known in years.  

He hadn’t remembered what it felt like to crave something like that.

***

It didn’t take long for Bucky to settle on The Martian by Andy Weir. It was the first book you pulled from the shelves, one amongst a series of alternatives you had ready in the event this one didn’t appeal to him. All it took was a single glance over the back cover, a slight incline in his brow, and he was sold.

“I trust you,” was all Bucky had said; so simply, as if it didn’t take the breath straight from your chest.   

Bucky didn’t have a library card you realized as you brought him back to the front desk. He’d sheepishly asked to check it out on your account, but you were determined to see more of him and you hoped that by getting him his own card, he might be more inclined to come back. Not that you explained it that way per say, but he didn’t object at least.

It had taken a lot less time than either of you anticipated and you found yourself following him to the exit, both of you dragging your feet.

“So, um…” he started, a nervous chuckle in his voice. “That was easy.”

“Yeah,” you scratched at the back of your neck, glancing to the clock hanging high on the eastern wall. “I hope you like it after all this trust you’re putting in my judgement.”

“I’m sure I will.”

A short silence swept over. Neither of you moving to leave. A couple swerved around you in an effort to get to the doors. The silence wasn’t awkward, but there was a nervous energy in it, like you were both waiting for the other to make the first move. Only, you both did it at once.  

“Would you want to—”

“I’m off at four—”

You bit down on your lips, suppressing a laugh. You gestured for him to go first. His looked so sweet with the pink in his cheeks. A man who had been once rendered as a weapon and he wore a blush in his cheeks. Your stomach held butterflies in its cage.  

“There’s a coffeeshop nearby,” he continued nervously. “I was thinking I could replace that coffee of yours I spilled last week…”

Your cheeks were starting to ache from how wide you were smiling. “Give me five minutes? I just need to wrap things up with Mrs. Jefferson and then I’m yours.”

Bucky’s eyes widened for a second, a flash of something unreadable on his face. He shook it off quickly and nodded, telling you he’d wait by the chairs along the wall until you were ready. It wasn’t until you were halfway to the desk that you’d realized what you’d said.  

I’m yours.

A harmless saying; one people used every day in passing. Still, you felt that same surge of energy at the thought. From the twists in your stomach and the stammer in your heart, you knew that if he’d asked, it would be true.  

***

Bucky watched as you scurried back to the main desk, a few quick glances back over your shoulder in his direction like you were making sure he was still there. You were smiling so wide, he wondered if it ached in your cheeks. He’d never known anyone to smile as much as you did, like you had this limitless supply of joy eager to be tapped into. He couldn’t help but feel a twist in his stomach, knowing he had been able to syphon some of that joy and bring it to the surface. It was him you were smiling at. It felt like a dream.

He glanced down at the book nestled into the sleeve of his bag; a stunning ombre in shades of orange to red to black, a lone astronaut in the center – like he was floating adrift. You’d told him it was a story of survival, of the intricacies of humanity and human connection. It was funny at times and filled with science beyond your pay grade, but it was mesmerizing.  

There was an unspoken hope he could read in your eyes that he might connect to the main character, Mark Watney in his search for connection, in his desperate hope to free himself from the isolation, in his resilience. You’d said Mark was an exceptional character, one with courage and determination to be admired.  

Bucky wasn’t sure he could stand up to the likes of Mark Watney, but he would certainly try.  

The glimmer in your eye as you spoke about the book, almost as if it were an old friend, was enough to convince him. For the first time in years, he felt the urge to read when he got home, just so he could see the look on your face in book club when you realized he’d already started it. He wanted to make you proud, wanted to see more of your smile. It was his new drive.  

A few minutes later, you came jogging back up to him. Your purse hung over your shoulders, a few new books of your own tucked under your arm. You’d done more than finish your shift at the desk though, he realized, because his eyes flickered to a reflective shine on your lips, one that hadn’t been there before. You’d put on lip gloss.

His heart flipped.  

“Ready?” you asked, gesturing to the doors. All bright eyes and sunshine as you looked at him.  

“There’s a café called Luciana’s not too far from here. I’ve heard good things about it. Might be quiet,” Bucky offered and a flash of something unreadable crossed your features. “Do you know it?”

“I go there every Sunday before book club! It’s my favorite,” you replied, nearly skipping in your steps. “Replacing my coffee and getting it right down to the same shop? I’m impressed, Bucky.”

He chuckled, hanging his head as he followed you down the descending staircase and into the heavy flow of pedestrian traffic. He’d forgotten how busy the sidewalks could get at rush hour and the smile quickly drained from his face, though he wouldn’t let you see.  

Bucky tried to focus on you as the strangers circled in around him, how you were laughing at the coincidence of it all, starting on a tangent of your favorite donuts at the shop. Your voice was like a beacon and he did his best use it as a guide.  

But he could feel the quicken pace of his heart inside his chest, how it thumped through his ribs and pulsed into his head the closer strangers got to him. He swerved out of the way of a tourist who was too busy looking down at his phone to notice Bucky in his path. He kept his head down, hand clenched tightly in his jacket pocket, eyes staring at the concrete.  

Teenagers were whispering behind him, snickering under their breath, and Bucky could hear the harsh ‘shhh’ of a father at wit’s end. His lungs felt tight, certain that the boys were mocking the loose sleeve hanging down by his side. He could have taken it if here were on his own. His ears would flush red and a wash of shame and embarrassment would flood his senses, but he could have taken it.  

Not with you by his side. Not when you could be privy to the harsh stares and the cruel voices, the validation to a fear he’d known to be true long before he met you – that he was a broken mess of who he used to be and he would never find that sense of normalcy again. He was kidding himself into thinking that you could ever want someone like—

“Bucky?”

When he looked up at you, your smile had fallen away, replaced with concern. It must not have been the first time you called his name. He didn’t know what to say. He felt small, like a child, embarrassed that even on a good day the influx of people still rendered him to a state of panic.  

“Come on,” you said quietly, glancing around to an alley off your shoulder. “Let’s take the scenic route.”  

He followed gratefully, staring at your shoulder blades as you led him away from the busy hustle of the crowd and along empty side streets and residential neighborhoods. It would take longer this way, but you didn’t seem to mind. You were too busy admiring the architecture of the brownstones and the beautiful array of plants and flowers hanging along the windows. In the open space, you skipped a few paces ahead, arms out wide and twirled around, simply because you could. You laughed and it echoed up along the buildings.  

Bucky could have handed you his heart right then. He could have pulled it straight from his chest and set it into your palms. He wondered if you would handle it with the tender sort of care he hoped you would. His heart was fraying and damaged, after all. It required a gentle touch.  

You fell back in line with him easily and you checked to make sure the next block wasn’t too busy before you led him down another side street. He tried to ignore the voices telling him he was a burden, that his baggage was dragging heavy at your feet, but it crept to the surface no matter how many times you smiled at him.  

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled out, willing his voice to be stronger than it felt. “I don’t know why this is such an issue for me. I was fine on the way over.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Bucky,” you said gently, slowing your pace until you came to a stop.  

Bucky dragged his feet, stopping along a bush of pink hydrangeas planted outside a stunning brick townhome. From the corner of his eye, he watched as your hand reached out to him instinctively, almost in slow motion, and you only paused as you realized what you were doing and pulled back. You cleared your throat.

“I’m not ever someone you have to apologize to about this stuff, okay?” you continued with a kind of sincerity in your voice, Bucky didn’t have a choice but to believe you. The way you looked at him nearly pulled him to pieces. “It comes and goes. Waxes and wanes. There’s no fault. No blame. Just tell me if something’s wrong, so I can help. That’s all I ask.”

Were you speaking from experience? Did you know someone who had been as shattered as he was? Was it the reason Sam wanted him to ask about why you were involved with the VA to begin with?  

It was quiet on the side street; the only sound the distant footsteps from traffic up ahead and the low rumble of car engines in the distance. A bird chirped from a low handing branch above.  

You shoved your hands into your pockets in an effort to keep yourself from reaching for his. He was surprised at the twist in his stomach when he wished you would have tried just one more time. Maybe he could have had some courage to take it.  

“Okay,” Bucky agreed, feeling a weight lift from his chest. When you smiled again it was small— a little heavy— but it touched your eyes. There was a relief in it, maybe an appreciation, too. It swept away some of the anxiety from his veins.  

“Okay.” Your smile widened as you continued to walk down the sidewalk. Bucky found himself feeling a little lighter as he followed behind.  

When the two of you approached the main street again along the block Luciana’s was tucked away in, Bucky didn’t feel as though he was suffocating anymore. He could sense his reflexes picking up, a subtle increase in his heart rate, but he walked a little closer to you, your hip bumping against his every so often and he found that it grounded him. It kept him firm on the surface when he felt like he was floating up into a distant unknown. He wondered if you knew the extent to which you affected him.  

Luciana’s was quiet inside as Bucky jutted out ahead of you to reach for the door. A soft strum of an acoustic guitar and a Spanish speaking singer’s intricate melody hummed over the speakers. He felt a solid breath of air fill his lungs, tasting of coffee beans and fresh pastries.  

“Welcome to—” a voice called from behind the counter before she paused, eyes falling on you. “Y/n!”  

A woman ran out from behind the counter, dressed in a stained apron and a long, bright pink dress, and held her arms out to you. You laughed as she enveloped you to her chest.  

“My darling! It is not Sunday, you know. You’re getting your days mixed up!” she exclaimed, wagging her finger at you. She didn’t even give you time to explain before she turned to Bucky, who suddenly felt a burn of heat on his face. “Ah! You finally brought me one of your boys!”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, turning to you quickly. His stomach dropped.  

“She means at the VA,” you explained, a little embarrassed at her implication as you shuffled your feet, eyes darting at the floor. Bucky raised an eyebrow in realization, eyes flickering back to the woman – who he assumed to be Luciana herself – as she scurried back around the counter. He noticed then that she was wearing slippers on her feet.  

“Come, come!” She called eagerly, waiting with a tapping toe at the register.  

You and Bucky exchanged a glance, a breath of a laugh escaping before you stepped up to the counter. You didn’t hesitate in your order, though you took some extra time in looking over the pastries and donuts after Bucky told you to pick something out for him. You put so much thought into it, it was really quite sweet. He waited until you reached down for your purse to slip his card over the counter to Luciana.  

She wore that same smile he’d seen on Mrs. Jefferson at the library. That smirk. Like they knew something he didn’t.  

You heard the ring of the cash registered and looked up at him, agape. You swatted his arm without thinking twice about it and there was a comfort in that. He laughed, taking his coffee and settling in at a table by the windows as you followed behind.  

As he watched you across the table, your eyes glancing out to the pedestrians as they walked back, nursing the steaming mug of coffee between your hands, that morning suddenly felt like it was a life time ago.  

Had he really been paralyzed with pain, unable to move from his bed, just a few hours earlier? It felt like a century had passed in between. In a rare indulgence, Bucky let himself wonder what it would feel like to spend all his time with you; if maybe time moved so fast it swept him off his feet or if it moved slow enough to allow him to catch every second.  

All he knew was that he wanted more.

[kawaragimysticalsenju]

Clarity | Tokyo Rev

Chapter Three

Synopsis : Toman doesn't have weaklings and a girl definitely didn't mean a weakling. Hanagaki discovers Baji's cousin to be Toman's spy and Naoto's higher-up is a little too similar to her. Did he gain another ally?

Word count : 2K

OC used : Kawaguchi Hanabi

Warning : Gang violence, smoking, swearing

Previous [Current] Next

Peace was some presumptuous bullshit. Anyone involved in gang business abided by that law. Whether it was an unspoken rule or not, nobody gave two shits. Just like the warring states era, conflict between gangs with opposite morals was inevitable.

Having a spy allied with a gang was like getting a duck who can produce golden eggs. But Hanabi wasn’t just a spy for Toman. Very few, even in the ranks of their own gang, knew the origins of Toman. The five founding members who represented their values – Mikey as the pillar, Draken as his rock, Keisuke Baji and Hanemiya Kazutora as the wild cards, Mitsuya Takashi as the grounding factor, Hayashida Haruki as the peaking point and finally, Kawaguchi Hanabi as the mind behind every conquest Toman set its eyes on.

Ever since the gang became active, not a single plan went through without her ‘go ahead’. That was just how things worked. So, naturally, when a meeting was called for the captains by his third in command, he knew better than to question her judgement.

“So…”, he chewed on his creamyaki, “Ken-chin, where’s Hana-chan?”

The tall bloke sighed, producing a napkin from his pockets, “Don’t be so messy, Mikey. Hanabi should be here any minute.”

“Hanabi, huh?” The new third division captain was only glared at by the first division vice-captain. “What business does Toman have with a girl? Let alone someone who’s not even punctual?”

“Hey, watch your mouth. You don’t get to shit-talk about Miss Spy.” Smiley’s passive aggressive voice rebuked. “Got that, Kisaki?”

“What? How’s it my fault? I’m just stating facts. Personally, if you ask me, having a girl at such high position of power only throws the hierarchy off balance. Ain’t that right, Mikey?”

The amused commander only snorted, abandoning his seat atop the monkey bars. “You better take the advice. It’s better for your own well-being.”

Pushing his glasses upward, the sophomore chuckled mirthlessly. “I doubt that.”

“Well, you should. Being self-aware is a good trait to have.”

The sudden voice evaded the growing tense atmosphere. The guys looked to their left and there stood a feminine figure, dressed in a puffer jacket and biker shorts. The light from the lamp post illuminated her face as she stepped forward. Going around the Commander, she appeared beside Kisaki, a hand placed on his collar to tug him down to her eye level.

“But…being too aware is equally as lame. Tetta Kisaki, fifteen, attending Shibuya Private School. Single father, rich background. You have a little sister too, don’t you?” She smirked at his widened gaze. “If you ever, and I mean ever, disrespect a girl because of her gender, I won’t hesitate to castrate your sorry self. Am I clear?”

“Let go of me!”

And she did, sending him flailing to the ground. Turning around, she met the rest with a cheeky grin. “Let’s get this meeting started, shall we? Unless anyone else has a problem with my gender, that is.”

“The stage is yours, punk”, Mitsuya called out, much to the chagrin of his stiffened vice-captain.

“Great”, she stepped onto the elevated pedestal, surveying the faces of everyone present. “So, as most of you are aware, I’m sort of the intel gatherer of Toman. As such, I’m not always present. No, I’m not a division captain and mostly have contact with you lot. So, communication within us is slightly troublesome.”

Mikey interjected, his posture relaxed, “You got a report for us?”

Confirming his thoughts, she continued, “I’ve been meddling around Shinjuku and Yokohoma. Stuff’s not looking good with the Kanto region gangs, as of late. The Haitani brothers are changing locations like crazy and recently conquered all of Roppongi.”

“What about Yokohoma?” Draken questioned.

“With my connections, I was able to get info from some smaller biker gangs. Apparently some of them got into trouble with dudes wearing red uniforms. Then there’s the Black Dragons…” Unbeknownst to Hanabi, a certain bluenette clenched his jaw. “Shiba Taiju has practically turned their turf into a military system. Some kids from Shibuya were hospitalized last week. If this continues, their next target will definitely be Toman.”

“It’s gonna be a pain to deal with all of these at once…”, muttered Mikey. “What do you plan on doing?”

With a steady gaze and a steadfast resolve, she answered, “I’ll go out of station for a while. If we take things for granted, it won’t be long before they come after us. I’ll try to find more about the ‘red uniform’ gang and someone needs to keep an eye out for the Black Dragons. But there’s one single problem.”

“What?” Blurted a blonde boy that Hanabi recognized from the August 3rdconflict. But to her knowledge, he wasn’t a captain or an acting one. “Sorry…”

Dismissing his embarrassment, she turned to their leader, “What’s he doing here? Hanagaki ain’t in-charge of anything, is he?”

“He…uh…”, Chifuyu stuttered at the sudden attention from the female. “He’s with me, Kawaguchi-san.”

Cocking a brow, she mocked the use of formality, “What am I? Thirty? Just Hanabi’s fine.”

Kisaki groaned, a sound that irked her more than it should have. “Can we get back on topic?”

“Right~”, she voiced, clearing her throat. “Also, I had a chat earlier, with former first div. captain Baji Keisuke.”

From the way Mikey’s frame straightened, she knew she had his full attention. “What happened?”

Heaving a sigh, she shook her head. “No luck. He’s adamant on joining Valhalla. And with Kazutora out of Juvie, war’s not too far from ensuing.”

Mitsuya closed his eyes, gritting his teeth in frustration. As did Draken.

“War with Baji-san? That is a whole another level of messed up…”, the Matsuno murmured audibly.

“We won’t back down”, Mikey finalized. “If they want war, war is what they’ll get.”

The murmurs from the group were of confusion and wariness. Scoffing, the female jumped down from the elevation. “Easy for you to say, Manjiro. Look, if I visit Yokohoma, I’ll be doing recruitments as well. It’s gonna take time. Meanwhile, you cannot, at any cost, rush into things. If anyone tries to pick a fight, aim for minimum damage. With Toman’s rising popularity and comparatively small numbers, a red target is stamped on our backs. Be careful.”

At her expense, her friends only snickered.

“Oi, Hanabi”, Mitsuya started, “What do you take us for? We’ll manage a few days without you.”

“You know”, Draken drawled out playfully, “She reminds me of a mother hen. Always fussing over her children. Our firecracker is growing up~”

Mikey nodded, tugging at her hair, only for her to pinch his hand. “We’ll be fine. You go do your job at Yokohoma, Hana-chan. Toman is safe with me.”

And maybe it was because she had known those guys for a long time, that a sense of calmness washed over her. The corners of her lips tugging upwards, she turned away from the concentration of testosterone. “Alright, you assholes. I don’t want a single casualty, understand? Or I’ll bag you.”

As the meeting was adjourned, Takemichi could only stare at Hanabi in awe. Not only did she put Kisaki in his place, she joked around with the founders of Toman!

“Close you mouth unless you wanna eat flies, Takemitchy.”

Chifuyu’s interjection snapped him out of his reverie. “I thought Toman was a strictly boys-only gang. But that girl is so cool!”

The other male coughed, “Well, she is Baji-san’s cousin. She’s one of the commanding powers in the gang and equally as strong as Draken-kun.”

“No kidding!” Takemichi blanched. The boy found it hard to believe. If this girl truly was that important in Toman, how come she wasn’t mentioned even once to have connections with the corrupt one of the future?

But before he could dwell on his thoughts, Chifuyu had started dragging him towards her departing form. “Let’s go talk to her.”

It wasn’t until when they were in her line of sight that he started second guessing. “Uh…what do I say to her?”

“Just act natural, man”, the Matsuno assured. His hand rose up to tap the female on her shoulder. “Hey, Kawagu- I mean, Hanabi-san.”

She looked up from her cellphone, flipping it close and pocketing it. “Yo. What do you want?”

Chifuyu took Takemichi by the collar, pushing him forward. “This is Hanagaki Takemichi. He’s in the second division. We were hoping to get a word in with Baji-san.”

“H-hey...”, said guy waved awkwardly.

In a moment, her gaze turned from accepting to as if she wanted to say ‘are you kidding me?’. “And you want his address?”

“I went to his house and he refused to talk to me…”, Chifuyu admitted, rubbing his nape. “If you know where we can find him, that’d be a huge help.”

A few more seconds of squirming under her gaze, Takemichi was pleasantly surprised when she pulled out a stack of post-its and scribbled something down before handing it to his newfound partner.

“I don’t know for sure but he should be there tomorrow. Around five, if I were to make a guess. Though I doubt he’ll co-operate.” Next her eyes shifted to him, and an odd look crossed her face. In the end, she held a hand out for him paired with an eerie smile, “Nice meeting you, Hanagaki Takemichi. Hopefully you stick around after your first fight.”

Those words were odd. So much so, that Takemichi found himself repeating those same words over and over in his head till he leaped into the future. Something wasn’t right and he needed Naoto’s input to figure out what.

As he regained consciousness, he found his girlfriend’s brother sitting hunched over the desk. “Hey, Naoto!”

The man quite literally jumped in his seat before placing a hand over his chest, glaring at him. “Damn it, Takemichi-kun. Give me a warning at least!”

“Yeah, but I’ve got some info that I need you to check.” He sat up on the bed, getting to his feet alongside the ravenette. He proceeded to narrate everything that happened, from Baji leaving Toman to the discovery of Kawaguchi Hanabi.

Surprisingly, Naoto only smirked at the mention of the female. “I must say, you have a good timing.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

The detective huffed a laugh. “While you went back to the past, my higher up dropped by. She wants to officially meet you.”

“Your higher up?” It took a few seconds for Takemichi to realize something and he outright panicked. “You mean, you told someone else of my time-leaping powers?! Naoto!”

The younger man gave him a look. “How else was I supposed to get clearance for every bit of confidential info that you keep asking for? Anyways, you’re lucky she’s working in late today.”

Takemichi was hesitant but he followed Naoto down the dimly-lit hallway. They took a left and then another before Naoto stopped in front of a wooden door. He knocked and earned a faint, “Who’s there?”

“It’s Tachibana, ma’am. Hanagaki Takemichi is back.”

Shuffling was heard in the room beyond and then the voice instructed them to come in. In the back of his conciousness, Takemichi swore he recognized it from somewhere. It wasn’t too rough, nor encased with softness. It was the voice of someone who seemed to have seen too much in life and spoken too little.

Yet, the last thing he expected going in was to see an extremely familiar face, black hair framing her pale cheeks and a knowing smile stretched across her lips. She was leaning on her table. Stacks of paper covering the tabletop and her dark circles were a clear symbol of her overworking nature. She removed the cigarette from her mouth, swatting away the puff of smoke that was released.

“Yo. I’ve been awaiting this meeting, Takemichi.” The teasing lilt to her voice was unsettling. “So, ‘time leaper’, huh? You haven’t changed your ways of accomplishing the impossible then…I’m glad.”

And suddenly, it was too obvious why Baji’s cousin wasn’t involved with Toman. Or alternatively, she was. Just not in its activities.

*Notes :

- This fic doesn't directly focus on canon events but the timeline is the same

- I should be doing my assignments yet here I am, uploading three days in a row...huhu😭

[hardlyinteresting]

Risks Worth Taking 2/2

This is the second half, part 2/2 of the story, thank you to everyone who has read it! Professor!Zemo x Student reader Part 1 here The reader takes Zemo’s philosophy class focusing on Machiavelli. Posted in 2 parts because it exceeded the textbox limit. Apx 3k words.

Warnings: student-teacher relationship (the reader is of age, no real focus on power imbalance), implied age gap, consumption of alcohol, implication that the reader is sleeping with Zemo for better grades (she's not) and of course let me know if you want me to add anything else!!

Week five, he is not shocked to find she’s once again the first one in class. “Good evening,” he greets warmly, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck as he makes his way to his desk. She smiles back, “I left my paper on your desk there, I figured I’d get the pile started”. He laughs setting down his coat and bag, “Something tells me there will be few submissions for this class”.

He’s right. Less than half the class bothers to show up. Most of her peers seem to be getting a head start on winter break, at least the class is quiet she thinks content listening to Helmut summarize the most recently assigned chapters, providing historical context where needed.

“Enjoy your break Helmut,” she says softly as he shuts the lecture hall door.

“You as well. Do you have plans?” She shakes her head, “No, just reading”. He smiles, “Then I am sure it will be a good break indeed”.

The cafe is warm and cosy. She settles comfortably into her favourite booth with her favourite book and a second cup of tea.

The bell at the front door dings as a man enters in a long black coat and leather gloves. Fancy she thinks to herself as he approaches the counter to order. It's usually other students dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, the man’s put together dress piques her interest. He orders and then she watches over the top of her book as he drops a $10 bill into the barista’s tip jar. Oh, well dressed and exceedingly well mannered. She can't help but watch him as he waits. Removing his gloves he tucks them into his pockets and unbuttons his coat, she swears she can smell his cologne from where she sits; it's incredible!

“Cherry blossom tea for Helmut?” The barista calls sliding the cup across the counter.

Helmut? It isn't. Is it? He turns after saying a polite thank you, and she can feel her heart hammering as he turns and she sees his face. It is. She's not sure why she's shocked, she did tell him about this place after all. Do I say something? She wonders, weighing the pros and cons, but her thoughts are halted when she hears his voice,

“Hello,” he smiles softly, “I didn't expect you to be here--I know you pointed this place out, but I wasn't--”

He's worried he's intruding. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“No, no. It's okay! I don't own the place-- did you want to sit? You don't have to--”

He chuckles as her nerves get the best of her.

Silently he sets down his cup shrugging out of his coat, putting it over the back of the chair before sitting down.

“What are you reading?” He smiles, trying to peak at the cover.

Again, after their initial stiffness, the conversation flows smoothly, just like it had in his office. After several warm drinks, and a couple croissants ordered between the two of them it’s grown dark outside. Neither had noticed the cafe empty out slowly over the hours, the barista cleaning up for the night until she clears her throat from behind the counter. They both turn to look at her, finally noticing how quiet the shop is.

“Sorry, we’re closing now,” the barista smiles sweetly. “Not a problem. I apologise, we lost track of time. We’ll get out of your way,” Helmut apologizes. The pair collect their things sliding back into their coats and gloves. Helmut waits patiently for her to be ready to go his hand resting gently at the small of her back as she slips out of the booth and past him.

Helmut stops and puts another bill in the girl’s tip jar.

“Sorry for keeping you,” he apologises again.

Outside the winter wind is cold against their faces.

“Are you hungry?” Helmut asks.

“I could eat,” She responds. “Ever been there?” Helmut asks pointing to the pub across the street. “I don’t know if it’s your speed. It’s not super nice or anything, but their food is decent,” she says honestly. He laughs, “‘Decent’ is better than what I can make at home by myself”.

She bites her lip thinking about it, does he want to spend more time with me?

“Okay,” she smiles as they make their way across the street.

Settled at a table, they wait for their server, she asks, “Was that a fifty dollar bill I saw you put in that tip jar?”

He shrugs, “Yes”.

He says that as if it’s normal, she thinks.

“I know you’re not from here, but you do know that’s a lot of money right?” “Yes,” he shrugs again, “But she made excellent tea all afternoon, she let us stay as late as she could and she was polite. And I have been here long enough to know that servers of any kind don’t get paid fairly. I can afford it, she deserves it”.

She feels the smile grow across her face, she considers gushing that he’s such a good person, but instead what comes out is, “I’m really starting to consider becoming a professor”.

He laughs, “I told you, it’s family money, not my facility pay”. God, that laugh, sets off butterflies in her stomach, the warm, genuine sound of his laughter.

He continues, “Before Sokovia fell, my family were royalty. I was a Baron there”. “I knew your name sounded familiar,” she sighs, “I remember hearing about Sokovia on the news. I remember your name, you were building orphanages and relief centres”.

He nods sadly, “Many of us thought we could salvage what we had left after everything. We couldn’t”.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, without thinking she reaches across the table to place a comforting hand on his arm. His hand comes to cover hers, so much larger than her own.

There’s a silence between them for one of the first moment since he sat down with her earlier at the cafe. But it’s not uncomfortable, it’s the opposite -- a silence of understanding, both parties knowing there’s nothing they can say to make things better-- they can only ruminate.

The peace is broken by a waiter coming to take their orders. “Do you drink Helmut?” She asks with a mischievous smile. “I have been known to indulge,” he confesses, his eyebrows furrowed. “Two shots of ?” she turns to look at Helmut expectantly. “Vodka,” he replies. “Two shots of vodka, and an order of cheese fries to share please,” she orders, “thank you”.

The waiter returns not before long, placing the drinks and food on the table.

She holds her shot glass up waiting for him to do the same. “Prost,” he says raising his glass towards her. “Cheers,” she responds clinking her glass into his before they both tip them back.

And that’s how their night begins.

It’s nearing midnight when they settle their bill, Helmut insisting he pay-- though she put up a good fight. “Can I walk you home?” He asks looking at her under the light of the street lamps. She nods, her face feeling warm both from his attention and the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream. Her apartment is only three blocks away, but time seems to slow down as they walk arm in arm through the freshly fallen snow. At her door they stop, she looks up at him, him down at her. Without a thought, lips meet. It’s not rough or particularly sexy, but she feels her knees go weak when his hand comes to cup her cheek, his other splayed across the small of her back pulling her closer. This kiss deepens and she clutches the lapel of his wool coat before they both pull away. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Don’t be,” she sighs.

Then the thought hits her, “How are you getting home?” “Oh-- I was going to get a cab and go back to the cafe to pick up my car in the morning,” he explains. “Nonsense-- you can stay here,” she offers unlocking her door and stepping inside, he doesn’t follow. “Not in my bed,” she laughs flicking on the light, “I’ll set you up on the couch”. He steps inside.

In the morning he wakes to the sun shining through the window. It takes him a minute to orient himself remembering he crashed on her couch. He sits up taking a moment to look around the apartment, it’s cute. Books and textbooks and notebooks strewn about the place. It’s homey and inviting and every bit what he’d expect her space to look like. Carefully he grabs one of the open notebooks tearing out a page he writes a quick note:

Good morning, I find that I feel very sorry for having to leave before you wake. Alas, I have much to get done, and I do not wish to trespass in your home longer than needed. I am grateful for your hospitality, and even more, your company. If my memory serves correctly I must also apologise for making that advance towards you last night. It was ungentlemanly, and you are unquestionably deserving of much better. I hope you can forgive me, and that you might allow me to make it up to you. -Helmut

Week six.

“He should appear to be compassionate, faithful to his word, guileless, and devout.” Is written across the board. When she settles into her seat. She’s not early this week, rather just on time. Helmut notes the heavy rise and fall of her chest as she tries to catch her breath, he holds back a smile at the thought of her sprinting to his class. When the class is settled, he proceeds to hand back all of the submitted essays, now marked. He smiles as he sets hers on her desk, “Bravo,” he says quietly enough that just she hears it as he shuffles along to the next row of students. She anxiously flips to the last page, red pen scrawl reads 100%. Her jaw drops. There’s no way. She thinks back to the rumours she heard on campus at the beginning of the year, about how difficult a marker he is. Bullshit. Her blood boils, rage sizzling beneath her skin. She avoids his eyes for the rest of class staring down at her notebook as she notices the indents in the blank page-- indents left from where he had written her a note that morning. Her anger freezes replaced by the cold sinking feeling in her chest. All his kind words, all those moments shared-- did he really think she was just spending time with him for a better grade? What kind of handout does he expect to get from her? She scolds herself now for the little crush she’d developed-- how stupid could she be? The prince must appear to be virtuous in order to hide his actions, She remembers from her reading, a dagger to her chest as she thinks bitterly that she’s not shocked that the professor is practising what he preaches.

The class ends and he moves to collect his paperwork, sorting it back into his bag. She stays. “I’m glad you stayed behind,” he starts. “I’m sure you are,” she says sharply. Confused he puts his things down turning to face her. “Have I done something to upset you?” He asks seriously his head tilted to the side as he racks his brain for anything he may have done to make her so cross. Perhaps his note was not sufficient in conveying his apology? “Do you think I’m stupid? Or that I’m naive?” she asks arms crossed, “I’m not sleeping with you for a good grade,” she states firmly, sliding her essay back across her desk, “feel free to adjust my grade accordingly”. Is that what she thinks? His mouth goes dry, his mind and heart racing with all the different ways he wants to apologise, to tell her that she has it wrong. He approaches her, finally making eye contact with her, “Your grade will stay as it is. I mark all of my student’s work without looking at the cover pages. I have always strived to remain impartial. Your essay was marked no differently,” He explains calmly, “I would be wrong to say that I don’t hold any affections for you-- it is quite the opposite. I enjoy the time we have spent together, and I would like to continue to remain in your company; I hope to eventually find myself in your affections-- but none of this has any bearing on your grade. I am sorry that I have acted in a way where this was not clear”. Her throat clenches, oh. “I’m sorry--Oh my god--I’m so stupid!” her hand flies to cover her mouth. “You have nothing to apologise for-- I should be the one apologising,” he insists. She shakes her head standing to stand in front of him, “We’ve both been obtuse”. “I’d like to make it up to you. I’d like to take you out for dinner-- a proper meal. If you’ll allow me”. She nods her hand coming to rest on his cheek, thumb running gently across his cheekbone, “I would like that,” she says quietly, her eyes glazing at his lips, “But only after the semester is done and I’ve graduated”. “If that is what you want,” he nods understanding. She can feel him leaning in, her eyes flickering up to his caramel eyes and back down to his lips, his hand rests on her hip, but he waits for her to close the gap between them.

Last day of the school year.

She waits by the door to the lecture hall as he speaks to his class. She listens to the back and forth of conversing ideas from the students, her heart beating faster every time Helmut speaks. It takes a while for everyone to leave when the class is over, but he does his best not to make her wait too long, gathering his things as quickly as possible, he makes his way over to her.

“Maybe I should’ve taken this course, the conversation was much more lively!” She laughs. “Your intelligent thoughts would have been wasted here, my dear” He smiles shutting the door behind him, “your class needed a brilliant mind in it”.

The summer goes by quickly. Fine dining, nights in. reading during rainstorms. Nights of soft romance, followed by nights of passion. Pasts shared. Futures envisioned. In his bed the night before the new school year she rolls over to lay almost on top of him, laughing when he lets out an oof. “Old man she teases,” earning a playful pinch on the thigh from him.

She glances at his nightstand, a copy of The Prince laying there.

“And what are your personal feelings about Machiavelli anyway? You never speak about your own thoughts”

“You're so clever,” he laughs, “but you're right”.

He sighs pulling her closer. he tries to focus on his hand running up and down her arm, how soft her sweater is under his fingertips. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “every time I read it, my opinions change,” he confesses, “there was a time when I was young and stupid; thought I was invincible that I agreed with a lot of his ideals. Then I grew older, fell in love--I thought him stupid and lonely. I experienced an incredible loss--”

She squeezes his side as she hears his voice grow tense with tears, he swallows and continues, “and then I thought I understood him. I learned how to grieve and I thought him intolerable. In the end I learn more about myself than I do him”.

She smiles, “and have you read it lately?”

He nods kissing her softly, “I have”.

“And?”

“I learned to trust my instincts. To take the risks that are worth taking”

“You're kind of a sap,” she laughs, her face getting warm she buries it in his chest. Part 1 here

[sunflowersupremes]

Idea I am throwing at you because your 'Elrond's bullshit math' post inspired it: Maglor eventually gets dragged back to Valinor by Legolas, who has a proven willingness to bring people who aren't supposed to be able to get there to Valinor and dare the Valar to complain. If they're not sinking him for a dwarf ....

BABE

Okay this ask killed me BECAUSE I actually have a short story I’m working on WITH THAT EXACT PREMISE.

Except in my oneshot they were actually looking for Daeron, but found Maglor instead and once Gimli heard “his dad was a great smith” they had to take him.

Okay so here’s a sneak peak!

————————

“Is that him?” Gimli’s voice was quiet and gruff, his dark eyes glinting.

Legolas perched lightly on the rock beside him. “It… may be.”

The figure in front of them was old and hunched, wrapped in a threadbare cloak. But he seemed old, weathered by his sorrows. A harp sat beside him.

Gimli grunted. “I’ll get him.”

“No!”

It was too late. The dwarf charged down from their hidden perch with a battle cry.

Legolas sighed and hopped down from his perch, following along more sedately.

“I got him!”shouted Gimli, holding the elf by the hood of his cloak.

The elf looking back at them was no Sinda. He had high cheekbones and jet black hair. His silver eyes gleamed with the Light of the Two Trees.

Legolas paled.

“Ha ha!” cheered the dwarf.

“That is… that not Daeron of Doriath,” he said slowly.

“Eh?” Gimli and his captive looked at one another.

“I am sorry,” said the captive. “I am usually a disappointment. Though I can tell you that Daeron has already left these shores, if that brings you joy.”

Gimli dropped his hood and grunted. “Mahal’s beard, Legolas, who is he?!”

“I- I think it may be-“

The elf smiled sadly and bowed his head. “Maglor, Son of Fëanor, at your service.”

Gimli, who had never cared much to learn about the history of the First Age, grunted. Then froze. “Fëanor, you say?”

“You have heard of me then?”

“No.” He turned to Legolas, a gleam in his eyes. “Fëanor was a student of Mahal-“

“We called him Lord Aulë,” offered Maglor.

“He was a great smith.”

Legolas nodded slowly. “He was.”

Gimli looked the Fëanorian up and down, then nodded. “We have room on our boat for him.”

“I cannot-“

“Alright,” said Legolas. He was no fool, he knew who they were dealing with… but if he was sneaking a dwarf into the Undying Lands already…

Not to mention, there was at least one elf who would be glad to see him (possibly) and since Legolas was also carrying news of the death of that elf’s daughter and foster son then he might as well try to balance out the pain.

Maglor didn’t think much of the idea, but he made little attempt to stop them as they packed up his camp. He almost seemed too tired, and a part of Legolas wondered if he would just fade before they got him there.

But at least then they would have tried, and history would know what had happened to Maglor, son of Fëanor.

[liighty]

Guzma babysitting Reader’s Niece

(A/N): BACK ON MY BULLSHIT AGAIN! BUT THIS TIME IT’S NOT ALL THAT SELF-INDULGENT AND MIGHT POSSIBLY BE TURNED INTO A SUPER FIC IF I FEEL LIKE IT

In all honesty i’ve thought about making another largeass super self-indulgent Guzma x Reader mega fic, but I’m not sure if I want to? I don’t know if anybody would read it, so that’s what this post is for!!! If you like this and want to see actual Guzma x Reader with plot and not just fluff drabbles lmk!! I have a bunch of asks to address so maybe i’ll get to that too soon

Anyways, back to the fic.

Mini Summary: (Y/N)’s niece needs to be babysat while (Y/N) is interviewed, so they turn to Guzma and crew to help out for a bit. Chaos ensues.

Rating/Triggers: UH drugs are mentioned but not really? THE KID DOES NOT DO DRUGS!!!! but yeah if that makes you uncomfy i’d be careful with it??\

Pairing: Guzma/Gender Neutral!Reader (I used the honorific ‘Titi’ which is gender neutral for ‘Tia’ or ‘Tio’ [extra thanks to Ocha_Bocha for helping me with that one <3] and tried to make it as gender neutral as possible. Originally this was written with a male reader, and then I went female, and ultimately attempted to eliminate gender completely. [Following the footsteps of Splatoon teehee])

Fic under cut!!!!!

"Are you sure this is a good idea, honey?" You clutch your niece's hand as you approach the large walls that separate Po Town from the rest of Ula'Ula Island. It's not that you don't trust the man who you're leaving her with- in fact, those two have been acquainted previously and seem to get along fairly well- It's his friends who you're concerned about.

"..." Her silence is expected, as the kid isn't all that talkative. Recognizing the young girl's silence, you frown. 

"You can stay in the office lounge if you really want to. I know you aren't the biggest fan of crowds, and um- Guz has some pretty loud friends-" Your explanation of what to be expected is quickly interrupted by a blue haired young man decked in black and white clothing. "Yo yo, what's with the kid?!" 

You arch a brow. You knew that Guzma worked with kids, but this guy couldn't be any older than 15! "I could say the same for you. I'm here to talk to Guzma-"

"Ya mean the boss? Why would some random chick want anything ta do with the leader of the Team Skull, huh?!"

A pink haired girl dressed in the same outfit walks up to the boy, crossing her arms. "Shut it, ya clod. Don't you remember the conversation we had with Boss yesterday?"

Hearing this, the blue haired boy's eyes light up in an epiphany. "Ohhhhh shit- Right-"

"Watch yer fuckin' language around the kiddo." She lightly smacks the back of Dansei's head. "She's in good hands, ma'am."

Another pink haired woman, this one being someone you finally recognize, walks in and smacks both of the delinquents in the head once more. "You say that after cussing, Reese?" 

Thank God. Plumeria. "Hey Plumes-" You smile weakly, waving politely with your free hand. Your niece does the same. Another young man, this one much shorter than the first and with green curly hair scrambles after Plumeria, jumping up and down to be seen. "Sorry about these numskulls. I'll lead y'all to the big boss man, yo. No worries at all, so you can chillax!"

I'm regretting this more and more by the second.

The crew starts whistling some hip hop tune as they make their way to the Shady House, the smaller boy beatboxing. You've taken this time to offer a piggyback ride to your niece, who's politely declined. Are all kids like this? Or is it just her?

Once they approach the boss, Guzma immediately jumps out of his chair, his signature shit-eating grin plastered on his face. "Eyyyyyy! (Y/N)!!! Kiddo!! What's up, homeslice?!" He hops down the stairs and crouches so he can get at eye-level with the young girl, offering his fist for a pound-it.

She bumps her fist against his, smiling just a bit. It's more of a reaction than you expected, at least. "S-sup, Uncle Guzma-" 

Looks like his slang is rubbing off on her. That's cute.

"Thanks for droppin' by, Doll. No need to worry about Little Miss Troublemaker over here, I got it all under control." He picks up your niece and walks over to you, pressing a looooooooongass smooch on your cheek. The other Team Skull members all make mini comments, like "Ewwww-", "Grosss-", and "Cooties-", causing Plumeria to once again smack their heads together. 

You roll your eyes, unable to stop the smirk on your face from growing any further. "Not in front of the kids, Guz." "Ah, right, right- My bad." His shades slide onto his face, hiding the bright red blush that had crept onto his cheeks. "Well, you should probably get goin', ey? The Aether Foundation's one lucky company to have you interviewin' for a position."

"Dork." You boop his nose, then your niece's. "Call me if you need me, okay honey? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Okay, Titi (Y/N)-" You smile at the nickname while the others snicker. 'Titi' sounds an awful lot like 'Tittie', and considering three of the 7 people in the room are immature teenagers, there's definitely some laughing going on in the background. Plumeria looks very tired. How does she deal with these kids all the time?

"Alright, I'll be back. Don't light anything on fire, okay?" You yell as you walk off, feeling a slight hint of unease at the idea of leaving your young niece with so many delinquents, even if it's just for a few hours. It'll be fine, though. Guzma's there to keep them from doing anything stupid.

You laugh at the thought. Who am I kidding? He's probably gonna be the one who explodes something first.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The interview itself wasn't all that bad. You're fairly certain that you either aced it or put yourself up for consideration, which in itself helped your confidence just a bit. With the absence of Lusamine and the arrest of several of her chairmen, the foundation was very antsy and in need of someone who could handle the Pokemon Observation department. With your background in medicine and PR, you were rationally on the list of potential replacements, and despite your initial resistance, learning that the company would be run by somebody that WASN'T the manipulative little bitch Lusamine gave you enough comfort to accept the offer for the interview. Was it just an offer or an invitation? You weren't quite sure, but Wick was very insistent on you showing up.

Either way, you're pretty certain you got the job. Good on you. 

You can't help but wonder how your niece is doing, surrounded by so many troublemakers. As you make your way to the entrance of the Shady House, you can hear loud music, causing you to feel a small tint of anxiety. She'll be fine.

You walk up to the door and creak it open, the smell of burnt… whatever the fuck that is flooding your nostrils. Of course. They lit something on fire.

"Guz??" You call out to the empty room. "Plumes? Anybody home?" As expected, there's no response. You start to feel more and more anxious the more ground you start to cover. Where are they? Peeking your head around the corridor, your anxiety comes to its peak when-

"And that's why you should never do drugs, aight?"

H-Huh?

Your niece sits on Guzma's knee as he bounces it up and down, his signature shit-eating grin plastered on his face like usual. Awfully burnt cookies sit on the table, explaining the smell from earlier, and Plumeria seems to be asleep with the other team skull grunts. Are they… napping? Seems like it. 

She nods enthusiastically, taking a bite of a charred cookie and grimacing shortly after, causing the two to both laugh in unison.

"Doesn't matter if it's just for recreational purposes, you could still get hooked, and that's the last thing we want!" Grinning once again, Guzma pokes her forehead.

Hypocrite. You're reminded of the first time you two had kissed, which happened to be shortly after you both had blazed a couple of joints. It's enough to get you laughing, though.

"Huh?! What're you doing here so early? Don't tell me ya flunked THAT bad!" Guzma's eyes widen, a genuine look of bewilderment painted on his face.

"I did not flunk! I think I did great!" You huff, crossing your arms defiantly. "It's suuuuuuuper comforting that you thought I failed, Guz."

"Nononono I was joking!! Right, kiddo??" Your niece quickly nods. "See???? No harm, no foul!"

Arching a brow, you walk up to the two and pick up the young girl. "Mhmmm. Did you have fun, honey?"

She nods again, unable to contain the grin on her face. "Uncle Guzma told me about his Pokemon training! And I got to ride on Golisopod's back!" 

The large bug type pokemon bops up and down upon hearing its name, prompting a smirk from Guzma. "Yeah, I told ya I'd take care of her. She's welcome back anytime, okay?"

"Thanks, Guz." You peck his cheek, and your niece sticks her tongue out, closing her eyes. 

"Icky cooties!!" Where the hell did she hear that? The only people you can think of who'd say such a thing are in the other room snoozing, so- Yeah, actually, you know exactly who taught her that word.

"Well, I'm gonna getchu with my cooties! And my tickles!" You raise a hand menacingly, wiggling your fingers with one eye closed. She immediately curls up, not out of fear, but out of excitement. It's nice to see her so happy again.

After a very long tickle session, you quickly glance at the large grandfather clock, noting the short hand of the clock slowly approaching the number 8. Shit. "We gotta go, kiddo. Your dad isn't gonna be all that happy if we get home any later than 8:30. Besides, it's past your bedtime."

"I bet Uncle Guzma stays up past his bedtime-" She yawns. "Can we stay for a little longer?"

How can I say no to that face? You find yourself incredibly conflicted. Do you tell her you have to leave anyways? Or do you stay and risk getting in trouble by your brother-in-law?

"Eh, as much as I'd love to have you over for longer, kiddo- Look at your Titi (Y/N). They look exhausted."

You smile gratefully at the comment, glad that it doesn't have to be you to tell your niece to go home. "Yeah, I'm beat. We can hang out some other time, okay? I promise." You pat her head and get ready to leave.

"Aww… okay. Bye, Uncle Guzma!! Bye Golisopod!" She holds your hand, and the two of you eventually walk your way back to the car. As you drive away, one thing lingers in your head. You can't think of anything else, in all honesty.

Guzma's great with kids. I should've expected as much, but… I'm glad he gets along with my family.

Your stomach rumbles at the intersection. I'd kill for some malasadas right about now- 

Okay, maybe you CAN think of something else.

[jeanvanjer]

Such a good point that while Bridgerton is pitched as escapism, brining India and colonialism to the forefront will completely negate that. How can viewers get lost in all the splendor and stately homes and ball gowns while constantly being reminded where that $$ comes from? How will they position A&K as a “true love match” when he’s a direct participant in it? I am definitely (wrongly) assuming most viewers are critical thinkers, but this is something that critics and twitter will almost certainly call out. S1 managed to avoid any kind of real backlash because the “love conquers racism” line was kind of a throwaway, and was never really addressed again. (I also don’t think people were interested in seriously criticizing the show during peak pandemic.) It seems impossible for the India storyline to be akin to how S1 handled race, since it appears India will be how frame Kate and the Sharmas as ‘outsiders.’ Which is fairly integral to the plot.

This is just super dumb and overwrought and likely offensive. It all could’ve been accomplished with them living an insular life in Somerset. And it’s going to cheapen and undermine the love story. I can’t believe they took the strongest book and possibly managed to mess it all up.

Ooooh rant time. Sorry this is repetitive and long.

So yes. Yes! Thank you! Everything you said. All around yes. all this sucks. It truly truly truly cheapens what really is a wonderful love story. It’s so freakin dumb. I just want to ask them, “hey what’s going on? Why’d you do this? Why?”

We asked for a Newton pic not this bullshit.

I really thought the most problematic thing about S2 would have been the Study kiss. 😂

TVWLM is definitely the strongest book of the series and Kate and Anthony are definitely their strongest couple. There really isn’t any need to add anything to their story. And what’s wrong with being Indian without being Indian? They could’ve easily been from Somerset. The Indianness doesn’t need to be explored. Don’t give me no Indian music no Indian dresses I don’t want any cultural otherness to be addressed. Having Simone and Charitra was literally more than my desi ass could have imagined. That is representation, as an avid reader of the HR genre, I never thought I would get.

And You can’t show the balls, the peerage and extravagance within a country taht still benefits on its exploitive history of colonialism and slavery without complete colorblindness. Trulyyyyy they should’ve never poked this sleeping bear.

The dynamic of what makes Edwina better than Kate in the eyes of the Ton isn’t just Ed’s good looks now. Kate was a relatable character when it came to her insecurities but I can truly see it being a class issue now. Especially since the book never quite mentioned the peerage of Mary or Kates Parents with this much emphasis but the show seems to? And Show!Anthony’s belief that not all women are ladies? When they mentioned Mary, an earls daugther, marrying a merchant. I thought, okay this makes sense. That Merchant is definitely Kates father. With Kate possibly being of a different class than Anthony, it they could address why Kate is inherently different from Sienna and why Kanthony works and not Santhony. I get it. Didn’t care too much plot wise going into S2 then.

But now? The sharmas as outsiders? From India?”I talked about India being like America, a post colonial country with a better relationship with England, but even that is not great. At fucking all. But it’s very slightly less scummier than leaving India still colonized, which is was at the time in fact it was until 1947.

Give me an alternate reality where all that shit never ever ever everrrrrrrr happened I can accept. Kind of. For the sake of escapism, why not? But to tell me love solved/solves colonialism? Or like it’s colonialism but the good kind? Nah chief. It was hard to read when it was mentioned briefly in Fran’s book. It read of mysticism privilege and complacency. Micheal dear you were so hot why are you also a freakin colonizer? Why? Why? Why?

Shonda, CVD and the lot are trying to do too much and they’ve done more than enough already in terms of s1. With that horrid scene between Daphne and Simon, the whole Colin-Pen-Marina (and Eloise by extension) fiasco; it’s not looking good for any of the coming seasons. All this was implicit in its racial issues. But this? This is in your face. And it’s explicit.

Well, we’ll find out in two months just how big this shit show is. But really I do think they could do a semi decent job if they don’t go all woke politics on us. Maybe. I doubt this. At this point I’m just convincing myself it’ll be fine.

Honestly just spam the fandom with pictures of a chub little corgi. That’s all I better see from the production team till March. Don’t even give me a trailer anymore. I don’t trust none of your asses. None.

[shesawriter39049]

|Breakdown’s & Bugatti’s| M|

PAIRING: Namjoon x Reader (Ft a hint of Tae & Jin)

About- Namjoon just does what he has to do to keep you ....calm while at a charity gala!  

OR:

CHAPTER 1 : MEET THE KIMS OF NEW YORK 

**WARNINGS: **Semi public sex, Fingering (F receiving), Minimal prep, Light dirty talk, Light spit play, Choking, Spanking, Gags (Makeshift), Non protective sex (Creampie), light overstimulation

WC: 7K (This is a sneak peak so it’s 1.2k)

NON SEXUAL WARNINGS: (Fictional political background)  Hints at recreational drug use (Molly) Brief mentions of death, father issues, and panic attacks/anxiety (All of these topics are super minor but again, out of respect I’m mentioning them) 

The remaining “characters” will be introduced at a later date

This chapter hints at various future plots 

This is almost 2 years old, I reworked it recently 

If you’ve been following me for a while this is the original draft for “Club First Royale” 

FINAL NOTE: I haven’t been active in damn hear a year ( 8 months) So I am posting sneak peeks intentionally! No, not to torture you guys lol but to get my blog flowing again because I’m sure people aren’t really checking in anymore

OT7 ALTERNATING STORYLINES

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FINALLY, fuck 36737 years later you spot your Kim!

Standing there in all his glory, in a Valentino slim fit navy blue suit, the jacket appearing to have some sort of paisley print, opting against a tie. Leaving his crisp white dress shirt slightly unbuttoned, teasing at his broad carnalized chest as he makes his way from the bar. Heading over to the table, which has an empty seat waiting right beside him with your name written all over it...literally!

Purposely dodging the old lady to your left in a coat that would have PETA ready to throw hands! Gaudy diamonds, terrible Botox, and smelled as if she showered in an entire bottle Chanel No. 5! 

Yeah, no, sorry, not in the mood for another meet and greet right now!

“Joonie” Squeals from your lips once you’re in close enough proximity, his dark piercing eyes cut over to meet yours. A playful smirk tugging on those sinfully thick lips of his, accompanied by those disrespectful ass dimples!

“There she is!” Eyes dripping with warmth, as he ushered you in with open arms ,and in these types of situations, Namjoon felt like home, he was your safe space. “You look fuckin good” The words hushed into your hair in a tenor meant for your ears and your ears only! A hint of something a little more than just friendly playing on his tongue. 

A small little “Thank you” leaves your lips, and if I didn't know any better I’d think the compliment made you a little flustered.

Namjoon was the definition of Ocean arm’s and goddamn if you didn't just love how big this man was! It literally felt like he was hiding you from the entire universe when he has you nuzzled into his frame! The whole interaction couldn't have lasted longer than 20 seconds in all actuality but god you needed it! 

Face flush to his chest, wrapping your arms firm around his waist, letting your eyes flutter shut briefly, a deep slow exhale flooded through your body. Inhaling the musky yet sweet scent of his cologne mixed with his natural aroma, which has grown to become a calming mechanism over the years. 

“You had me worried for a minute…” Placing a quick kiss in your hair, that you would have missed if you blinked but again, your in public soo...

Palms soothing up and down your back gently, as he breathed into your hair , pulling back a little so there was some form of personal space between the two of you.  

“Your late, even for you princess...I know you started early, I got your live(Instagram) notification, so what happened?” Head clocked to the side as he appraises you and fuck, the bass in his voice still has you all types of fucked up! Glancing over your shoulder briefly before leaning up to place a kiss on the hinge of his jaw, that tittered the line of passing as an “innocent” greeting. 

“I’m fine Jonnie it’s nothing, we just got held up in glam.., Ariel was flying in from Miami...we got a late start” Gaze intentionally diverted as you welcomed yourself to his glass of Scotch instead. Damn near inhaling the entire drink as we speak and you hated dark liquor so that alone let him know something was up!  

Merely resisting the urge to smooth out the crease he felt forming between his brows, a dry snort left his lips, rolling his eyes in response to your blatant stubbornness. Nevertheless, always the gentleman, reaching down to pull out your chair so you could take a seat next to him. Mirroring your actions just moments prior, quickly scoping out his surroundings before he brought those plush pillows he calls lips a centimeter away from your ear.

Fuck. 

  “Right, so I'm just going to assume you don’t wanna talk about it right now! Or wait I’m sorry, have you just upgraded to insulting my intelligence straight to my damn face?” 

Brow quirked inquisitively, and you could literally feel every word, tone taking on a hint of seriousness the more he talked. Namjoon licked his lips and the tip skimmed the edge of your ear and I - . 

“For one you smell like an entire bottle of Heidsieck, I can almost taste the nicotine on your tongue and you've been crying I know you. ”  

Pulling back just enough to glare down at you above the brim of his glasses, which he always wore low along his bridge. Eyes daring you to look him in the face a lie again, teasing his fingers through his chocolate locks. Styled in the perfect semi grown out undercut, the top a little on the long side, while the sides tapered into a crisp fade. Sideburns outlining that extremely understated jawline of his! Though you had to admit the yellow gold diamonds dawning his ears were kinda stealing the show right now! 

“So again, do you just not wanna talk about it right now? Or have you forgotten that I have an IQ of 137, and can smell bullshit from here all the way to Gangnam!?” 

You're having very vivid day daydreams of your hand wrapped around this man's windpipe and for once it’s not even remotely sexual! 

Blatantly ignoring the strong twitch within Namjoon’s jaw and simply saying “I’m here, aren’t I!?” Face stoic, tone flat as all hell, in case it wasn’t clear that this conversation was more than over, you opted to eye his bourbon glazed salmon until he got the hint.

 “Oh, for fucks sake! ” Hissed from his lips without a lick of heat behind them, because as quiet as it’s kept ,your lowkey Joon’s baby, which is why he cares to begin with! Picking up a piece on his fork before essentially shoving it into your hand ”Your lucky I can’t have your ass getting sick on me tonight, we still have like, 3 hours left of this bullshit.”

More like he just can’t tell you no, but hey, whatever helps him sleep at night! Sliding his plate in your direction, completely giving up on eating at this point, he knew you needed it more anyway! Finally, starting to feel your mix of poisons hit your system so you knew you needed  to even it out with a little substance. I mean yeah, you could have just ordered your own plate but meh, this was easier! 

Namjoon started busying himself on his phone while you ate, scrolling through a couple contacts until he landed on a contact labeled under “Kookie”.

“Even though you were only late because “Your glam team ran late” There were air bunnies involved, and again you just really wanna choke his ass!  “What are you thinking tonight? He’s actually on his way here right now, but he already has a couple options on him...” 

The question was vague and for damn good reason...considering…

However you knew exactly what he was referring too.., and thank god!

Speaking over a mouth full of salmon, sounding utterly exasperated!  “Honestly, any fucking thing at this point…” 

Namjoon hums thoughtfully, sucking on a Bourbon soaked Ice cube “He’ll be here in 20, I just went with Smartees…always a safe bet...” 

Smartees, candy, Vitamin -E, Molly... Estcasy...it’s all one and the same, just depends on who you ask!

He leans back in, apparently keen on whispering tonight. “Maybe, if your a good girl and eat enough we can split one before we leave...chill you out a little bit. '' Voice thick and heady, lips curling into a grin with a hint of something wicked playing on the ends, as his fingers idly ghost over your forearm. Giving it a light squeeze and regardless of how innocent the skin-ship may seem to the naked eye, you’re well aware of all the underlying innuendos behind it! 

You make a noise of agreement, trying your damnedest to ignore the slight chill coursing up your spine at the pet name. Though before you could even dwell, Namjoon was sliding back in with another update, this one however wasn't as...arousing…to say the least!

“Fox 2’s been waiting for you to get here by the way...since the event was put together by council and all. They've been wanting to talk to us together about the fundraiser, just the same shit as last year.” 

Waving his hand dismissively idly twirling the various pieces of Bvlgari around his fingers, seemingly un-phased while you on the other hand...release the most exasperated huff! Reclining against your seat, eyes rolling to the back of your head in 30 different directions! Yeah, It comes with the territory, you know this, hints Namjoons reaction, or lack thereof!  But fuck you just really weren’t in the mood to do press tonight, It’s literally physically exhausting to pretend that you weren’t just PISSED! 

“Of -fuckin- course they do!” Stabbing your mashed potatoes in a way that's... somewhat concerning… 

“Baby.” It was a warning, though his voice sat barley above a whisper, his tone was crystal! Eyes cutting in your direction briefly before dropping back down to his phone….

You didn't have it in you to argue, there’s no way around this anyway, fuck it!  “What -the-fuck-ever!” Sliding the half empty plate aside “Well, you wanna just get it out of the way now? Because I’m really not in the mood for-”

“Y/n..oh my god! Hi, honey how are you!? You look beautiful as always…” Suddenly there was a human, a human wearing the wrong shade of foundation kissing your cheek. A human by the name of Caroline, one of the local news anchors...clearly her damn ears were ringing.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys, that’s all she wrote, well kinda, actually she finished it like 16 months ago lol but that’s all she wrote for now I guess....

**_

_****Love you...see ya soon!!**

***SIDE NOTE, MY FRIEND MADE THE TWITTER EDIT SO DON’T ASK LOL IDK ****

UPDATE: HEADCANONS FOR THE KIM BOYS/OC

  HEADCANONS

[myspacepoet]

What's your headcanons about the gavin Brothers, i ask because in your latest peice of art, I saw an article about Edgeworth's demon prosecutor days, and thats got my interest peaked.

it’s everyone’s lucky day, because this was the exact amount of gentle prodding i needed to write all this out. if you’ve already read this on the discord you should check it again cause i added some more stuff at the bottom <3

i’m gonna preface this by saying that i couldn’t give a single shit about kristoph’s canon motivations. i haven’t played aj:aa and have no intentions to. kristoph is mine now and i’m giving him the backstory and motives i think are interesting. fuck off <3

i’m also working on a base assumption that kristoph is 8 years older than klavier, i’m not fact checking this as i don’t have the brain capacity to internalize the ace attorney timeline, and also that the gavins are actually german and lived in germany for at least a good while, because i do what i want

longpost warning, posting this from my phone so no cut very sorry

the gavin parents are these moderately known defense attorneys, konrad and elizabeth. i might write this scene out one day but at some point they have a date night, they go to see a thematically fitting play/musical/opera (i haven’t decided which), leaving 10 y/o klavier in the hands of 18 y/o kristoph. they don’t come back.

they decide to take a walk after the play/musical/whatever and stumble across a dead stage hand in the middle of the park, and are arrested for it after they call the police. now, i have done the bare fucking minimum of timeline checking for reasons previously mentioned but i believe miles MIGHT have been 20 at the time???? and hopefully also in germany??? but BASICALLY miles gets assigned to the case, and Makes A Bunch Of Shit Up™ and gets them convicted.

methinks the bullshit motive miles came up with was that like something the stagehand was involved with went horribly wrong during the production and the play/whatever was essentially ruined (the real culprit was actually the egotistical lead actor who was angry at the “performance of their life” being ruined by the stagehand) so kristoph starts resenting the courts and law in general but prosecutors ESPECIALLY. at first it’s just resentment for miles but then he realizes “WAIT A SECOND. it’s not HIS fault, HE is just a symptom of a larger problem” the problem of course being the rampant corruption in the general legal system and the fact that trials are so skewed towards the prosecution.

this is because i first of all believe there should be genuine consequences for miles’ demon prosecutor days, and also i think the most compelling villains are the ones that see an actual, valid, problem but pick a batshit insane solution.

this leads us neatly into the fact that instead of resolving to FIX the system, he resolved to get REVENGE on the system, which i personally think is a really interesting choice.

as i am a sappy little bitch and think sibling dynamics/relationships are just the bomb, this has a lot to do with klavier. the idea of kristoph having a soft spot for klavier, no matter how little it shows later in life, gives it me heart palpitations so im adding that.

kristoph decides to take his blind rage and all-consuming resentment out on the first sad sack of shit he sees. the sad sack of shit in question being phoenix. he’s like “hmmmm… some sorta… beacon of morality… some sorta… hero…” and decides to fuck his shit up.

it wasn’t ever REALLY ABOUT phoenix, more about inflicting the pain he and his brother felt after the loss of their parents on the courts and legal system, hurting miles (the guy he hated in the first place) was only a bonus to him. killing zak was just out of paranoia for his super secret villainous plot being uncovered etc. etc.

editors notes:

- ok i wrote all this out then realized i FORGOT SOME THINGS but didn’t feel like finding where they should go in the main wall of text so here they are <3

- konrad and elizabeth are convicted when klavier is 10, kristoph is 18, and miles is 20. they’re around 40-45 at the time.

- they’re executed 2 years later, after which kris and klav decide the pain of living in their childhood home with their parents dead is too much so they move to america, this is also about the time kris stops actively resenting miles in particular

- another reason kris and klav stay in germany for so long is because there’s a very very long custody battle over who gets klavier now that konrad and elizabeth can’t take care of him, eventually ending in kristoph taking custody of his brother

- kristoph used to be very protective of his brother, his only goals being to protect klavier and get his revenge. this eventually turned into just getting his revenge

- kristoph definitely had like an eye-twitch-internal-screaming moment when klavier announced he was gonna become a prosecutor, but rationalized it to himself as having some sort of man on the inside or something like that

alright that’s all i can think of for now