#this separation must have been so fucking hard on them especially in the beginning

[a-b-riddle]

You're not her...

I've been seeing a good bit of fics where the reader is left for another woman and people around them are encouraging it. While I do love a good angst, I would simply pass away. Your girl, Riddle, is weak.

Especially if it's my baby boy Simon.... I can't. I love the idea, but as someone who is an absolute crybaby, I wouldn't survive being reader...

So what if that happened to nurse reader's partner left them for a fellow recruit and when everyone starts being like "good for him", the 141 isn't having any of it?

The others on base seemed honestly happy that your heart had absolutely been broken. I mean, you weren't exactly around him as much as she was. You couldn't see the undeniable chemistry there was. You had tried to put on a brave face. But when John had come in for some ointment for a burn and you were falling apart, he gathered up his boys.

Something needed to be done. A point to prove not just to you or your ex or that woman who had chosen to pursue a very much taken man, but to the hold damn unit. Your ex didn't leave you because there was someone else. He left you because he didn't deserve you in the first place.

In hand to hand, Johnny doesn't hold back. Not only does your ex absolutely get his ass handed to him on the mat over and over again, but does it in front of his new girl and everyone else. How embarrassing. Doesn't exactly help that Kyle is on the sidelines talking so much shit that she begins to get the ick. I mean, could he not honestly win one match? Wonder what that says about a man who can't even hold his own? It even gets cringier when your ex tries to place the blame on the drills from yesterday with a certain Ghost.

Simon is already hard as a lieutenant. But add in the factor that the recruit he currently has running drills is the same recruit who hurt his favorite little nurse? The boy would be lucky to crawl out of there. The second an exercise or drill is not made to absolute perfection, Simon has him running it all over again. It almost

John is already starting the transfer papers the first time he catches your eyes the least bit misty. You don't have to see that rubbish and since the prick and slag couldn't have the decency to wait until he had broken up with you properly instead of telling you that even though he was with you, he had fallen for another woman, then they'll be sent to completely different units. John lists the reason for transfer as a liability. If they were so proud of their "love" before, let them keep that same energy.

And Kyle.... Sweet shit talkin' Kyle. Who plants seeds around the entire base. Nowhere are these two lovebird safe from judgment. All of the female recruits have ostracized their fellow female soldier while receiving lewd looks and calls from the males. I mean if she was easy enough to fuck a taken man, then she must be an easy lay. And here comes Kyle, telling your ex 'man-to-man' about seeing his girl with other officers. Kyle is the most gentle when it comes to the 141. But the motherfucker knows a thing or two about psychological warfare.

After your ex and the girl are suddenly, very mysteriously sent elsewhere, everyone starts flocking to you. Offering reassurances on what a bullet you dodged. How, from what they heard, they had broken up shortly after being relocated to separate bases. The boys see your confidence creep back in. Your smile is a little brighter. A little more pep in your step.

You wouldn't tell anyone how your ex had e-mailed you. Complaining about the new base. Explaining how he had ended things and just wanted you back. How he regretted ever letting her get to him, as if she were the only one at fault for kindling the relationship.

It also didn't help that a certain member of the 141 had come by your station, wondering if you wanted to grab a drink when you were off of your shift.

[junkissed]

love thy neighbor

member — fwb! neighbor!joshua x f reader genre — smut, light angst, college au, idiots to lovers, happy ending word count — 5.1k synopsis — there's perks to having your fwb live next door to you, but there's also downsides. like the fact that it's really hard to hide that you're in love with him. warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, one mention of periods, masturbation (both reader & joshua), the smut is REALLY quick, premature ejaculation sort of, a little bit of body worship, nicknames (baby, good girl), not really described but implied creampie, they are idiots and they are in love and it's gross and sweet notes — tysm to @wongyuseokie & @onlymingyus for help choosing the banner <3 and thanks to @petrichor-han for this idea !! fun fact this was originally going to be for skz han but i figured it would also make a great shua fic so i chose him instead. fun fact #2 i am addicted to giving shua's fics religious titles even when there's no mention of religion in the fic at all lmao. it gives me a giggle like how could i not when it fits so well?? also this is one of my few attempts at angst so if you liked this please reblog or send and ask and lmk how you liked it! hope you enjoy!!

joshua should be asleep right now. 

really, he should. it’s 11pm on a sunday night and he’s got his chemistry lab at 8am tomorrow, and he’s still got a couple of assignments that he really needs to catch up on before the final next week. 

but then there's that bump against the wall that he’s grown so accustomed to, and his eyes fly open.

maybe becoming fuck buddies with your next-door neighbor isn't the smartest idea he's ever had, because this is the fourth time this week he's had to hear your moans as he tries to fall asleep.

the walls are thin, but he's certain that you must not realize just how thin they are, because he can hear every sound you make as clear as day. every whimper, every buzz of your vibrator, even every moan of his name, barely muffled by the wall separating his room from yours. especially every moan of his name. and it’s been driving him insane.

really, it’s his own fault for trying to be a polite neighbor. he almost wishes that he hadn’t run into you when you’d moved into the apartment next door at the beginning of the semester, because then he probably wouldn’t have recognized you at that party during homecoming weekend and got to talking with you. 

and because of that he probably wouldn’t have taken you home from said party and given you the best dicking down of your life (your words, not his), and then after that you probably wouldn’t have decided that you wanted to keep fucking him and agreed to become friends with benefits.

except he doesn’t actually wish that at all.

having your situationship live right next door is pretty convenient, after all. you’ll shoot him an “omw” text and be waiting at his front door seconds later. he forgot to bring condoms? it’ll just take a sec to run home and grab some. when you accidentally leave your panties in his apartment, he can drop them off the same day and then forget about it (he definitely won’t). 

he could probably even just bang on his side of the wall and you’d know to come over, but to him that’s a little too far, too impolite. he at least has the decency to send a text first.

a part of him wonders if that’s why you’re so noisy at night, if you’re doing it on purpose and knowing he’ll hear it, secretly hoping for him to come knocking at your door. but he doesn’t want to assume, doesn’t want to show up without asking and realize he’s been completely wrong this whole time and make himself look like a fool.

so he settles for earplugs instead. because there’s no way he can sit there and listen to the sounds you make and not start thinking about all the times he’s been in your bed with you just inches away. and by the time he’s cum all over his fist and he’s finally worn himself out enough to fall asleep, it’s 4am and he has class in the morning and he’s wasted an entire night yet again.

he’s been inside your apartment dozens of times, enough to know the layout by heart. enough to know that your bedroom sits directly next to his, enough to know that your bed is pushed against that very thin wall the same way his is and that your nightstand with the drawer full of toys is right next to the bed.

oh, he’s gotten to know more than just your apartment over the course of the semester. he knows which positions are your favorite (you’ve never told him outright, but you always cum harder when he fucks you in missionary). he knows the names you like to be called and the ones you like to call him. he can even tell which vibrator you’re using right now (the red one doesn’t buzz as loud, so you only use it when your favorite purple one is dead. tonight you’re using the purple one.)

but he’s also gotten to know the way you smile when you see a cat video, the way your forehead wrinkles when you talk about your calculus professor, and the way you like your pancakes in the morning (though he’s never been able to make them for you himself, he swears one day he will. one slice of butter, a ton of syrup, and a handful of cut up strawberries.)

so maybe that’s what makes these nights so unbearable. he can keep lying to himself that it doesn’t bother him, that it wouldn’t bother him as much as it does if he just… didn’t like you. 

but, unfortunately, he does like you. and he’s stuck with this problem until he finds a way to fix it, but just like in the lab analyses he has to write every week, he’s got no ideas. so he’ll have to settle for fucking his hand and biting his pillow so you don’t get suspicious of the noises he’s making, and hope that his silly little crush goes away on its own. 

after all, he isn’t anything to you. albeit a sexual one, he’s still just a friend. and he’s certain that’s all you want.

god, you wish that joshua could see you right now. you’re certain he’d love it.

earlier tonight you’d had to physically force yourself to turn your phone off so that you wouldn’t be tempted to text him to come over. you’d already texted him on monday night and thursday afternoon, and you’d knocked on his door on saturday at practically the crack of dawn because you’d woken up thinking about him.

were you embarrassed about it? absolutely, but that wasn’t enough to stop you. okay, maybe sometimes it was, because the girl who lived across the hall had caught you (on multiple occasions) sneaking out of joshua’s apartment twice in one day and you refused to meet him again for nearly a week after that.

but joshua didn’t seem one bit embarrassed by your arrangement. he always gave you a friendly smile and offered to walk you to your door afterwards, which you always declined, and he always made sure to say he looked forward to seeing you again. you even saw him wave at the nosy neighbor girl when he’d left your apartment once (which you only remembered because you’d spent the rest of the night in tears about it, but not that you were jealous about it or anything).

you felt bad enough meeting up with him so often, but you felt even worse that you didn’t even have a label to show for it. you knew it was probably exactly what he’d wanted out of this, just somebody to call for a quick fuck, but it made you mad. it was why you got so angry about the girl across the hall; because you knew everybody loved joshua, so of course he couldn’t love only you. 

he was hot and he was in a frat and he probably had a hundred girls he could call if he wanted to. with how often you text him to fuck, plus the other people he’s probably seeing? he’s gotta be exhausted.

which is why most nights you opt for touching yourself instead. in the months since you first met joshua, your vibrators have been going through batteries a lot faster than usual, a fact you’re not exactly proud of but will own up to nonetheless.

it’s not your fault that the image of him leaning over you, his thin gold chain dangling in your face as he fucks you is burned into your head practically 24 hours of the day. or the fact that his voice plays on repeat in your brain, specifically that one time he called you “baby” and you came so hard you nearly passed out. 

so really, it’s actually his fault that he’s constantly on your mind. his fault for being sexy… or your fault for falling for him?

either way, you find yourself yet again with your pussy stuffed full of your own fingers and your favorite purple vibrator on your clit (you remembered to charge it last night, after you came to the thought of joshua fucking you on your kitchen counter), wishing he could be there to see it.

you close your eyes and picture him in front of you, holding the vibrator against your clit as he grins down at you. such a good girl, he’d say, brushing his thumb over your nipple with his free hand. you love this, don’t you?

“fuck, yes, joshua,” you reply, gasping as you push your fingers deeper inside. you arch off the bed a little, pushing your head back against your pillow. you’ve learned that he loves it when you call him by his full name instead of “shua” or “josh”; you don’t know why, but it always seems to drive him crazy, and you never fail to leave his apartment sore in all the best places afterwards.

you spread your legs a little wider and moan, rolling your cheek to the side as you imagine him fucking you with his fingers instead of your own. i can tell you’re getting close, imaginary joshua says with a smirk, his hand cupped against your pussy as he thrusts his fingers in and out at a bruising pace.

“mhm,” you whimper, curling your fingers and trying to convince yourself that it feels as good as when he does it. “please, joshua—”

you turn your vibrator up to the highest setting, your hips canting into the air as you squeeze your eyes tighter shut. you can feel the waves beginning to wash over you and you repeat his name like a plea, chanting it over and over until you can’t form words anymore.

cum for me, baby, all over my fingers, he says, and your mouth falls open as you let go, your knee accidentally smacking against the wall as your legs shake with pleasure. you keep your vibrator held firmly against your clit until it sends you over the edge again, still riding the high of your first orgasm as you struggle to breathe through it. joshua loves to overstimulate you, until all you can do is weakly push at his hands and beg him to leave your exhausted cunt alone.

the post-orgasm clarity soon starts to hit and you’re left with the realization that you just got off from pretending your neighbor is just as in love with you as you are with him. absolutely pathetic. 

but your eyes are starting to droop and you’re quickly finding that you’re too tired to stay awake to think about how much of a loser you are, so you tuck your favorite vibrator back into its spot in your drawer and put your pajamas back on and tuck yourself into bed, trying not to wish joshua was there beside you instead of infinitely far away on the other side of the wall.

when joshua wakes up the next morning, he half expects you to be waiting outside his door again.

of course anyone would be annoyed at being woken up by their neighbor before 7am, but then you’d sheepishly told him that you’d had the most insane wet dream about him and he’d been more than happy to let you come in and bounce yourself on his lap while he watched the early morning sunlight stream through his bedroom window onto your cheeks. 

pretty much the perfect morning, in his eyes, except for the fact that you hadn’t slept in his bed with him. you never sleep over and it’s obvious why, but maybe it’s for good reason: he won’t get so attached to you.

unfortunately, though, this morning you aren’t waiting for him, so he trudges to his kitchen to make himself one lonely cup of coffee and one lonely stack of frozen waffles and get ready for his day.

he’s started noticing patterns about when and why you text him, and he finds himself checking his phone all day. 

on mondays, because you have all your classes on those days and you’re already exhausted so why not get fucked within an inch of your life before you settle in for the night?

on thursdays, usually in the afternoons because both your schedules happen to line up where he’s just finished his work shift and you’re on your break between classes so it leaves the perfect amount of time for him to eat you out.

if you have a particularly hectic morning you’ll text him right away and ask him if he’d come over once you get home that night, and he’ll reply that he can’t wait with a big red heart emoji.

in fact, most of the times you want to see him is when you’re stressed or upset, which makes sense to him but at the same time makes him a little disappointed. he hopes that you’d want to see him on your happiest days, because any day he gets to see you is automatically his happiest day. but he supposes that’s where you’ve drawn the line, and he’ll have to be okay with that.

joshua’s restless through his chem lab this morning, and then his english lecture, and then his shift at work, not-so patiently awaiting you to ask him about his plans tonight.

but you don’t text him at all on monday, and you don’t text him on tuesday, either. he catches you going into your apartment at the same time he’s leaving on wednesday, and he waves as usual but you just give him a small nod and hurriedly close your door behind you. he’s almost positive you’ll text him on thursday, but your lunch hour comes and goes without a word.

he almost never texts you first, because you text him so often and most of the time he’s already thinking about you anyway. so when sunday rolls around again and he still hasn’t heard anything from you, he thinks maybe you’re waiting for him to say something first this time.

he knows you’ve been home, because he’s heard your friends coming and going. maybe you’ve just been busy with other things and didn’t mean to ghost him. sure, you get together pretty often, but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen every single week. plans change and that’s fine, and it is right before finals week after all. 

but even when you’re on your period and aren’t in the mood to see him, you usually send a text as a heads up, and he’s definitely not keeping track or anything but this week shouldn’t be one of them. he’s going through every possibility he can think of as to why you’ve seemingly disappeared, but he just can’t find a reason why.

but then he realizes something else; he’s stopped hearing you at night, too. and then he really starts to worry, because he remembers how upset you looked when he saw you in the hall and maybe something really awful happened to you and he’s been pouting in his room like a selfish idiot this whole time.

so he pulls up your contact, cursor blinking over the text box as he tries to figure out what to say.

hey, he decides on, and he’s surprised but happy when you read the message right away. 

he waits a moment, but you don’t respond, so he texts again. you can talk to me, you know? about other stuff. i’m your friend.

he shakes his head and deletes that last sentence before pressing send. you read it immediately again, but it’s a long and agonizing few minutes before you reply.

okay

he frowns, not knowing what to say back. did i do something and make you mad? you seem upset and i’m sorry.

it’s nothing. don’t worry

joshua wants to say, but i do worry, but he knows that might be too far and he’s still not even sure what’s wrong. 

so instead he stands up and walks out his front door, leaving his phone on his bed. he may be an idiot, but the least he can do is try to act like your friend.

you don’t answer when he knocks, so he calls your name. “i know you’re home, i can hear you through the wall.”

finally the lock clicks, and you open your door just a crack. “what do you mean, you can hear through the wall?”

he pauses. “i can hear you… walking around, and stuff. making noise. the walls are thin.” so you really didn’t know? oh god, now he feels like an asshole for listening, even if he was trying not to.

“oh. well.” you sigh and close your eyes, inhaling. “that’s embarrassing.”

“can we talk?” joshua asks, suddenly feeling exposed. he’s plenty comfortable in large groups of people, but when he’s around you he wants to hold you tight and keep you secret and safe, out of sight of any wandering eyes. standing out in the hallway where anyone could hear is not how he’d like this to go.

“sure,” you mumble, swinging your door open for him to come inside.

you close the door but don’t move from behind it, standing like you’re waiting for him to say something. so he does.

“listen. i know whatever this is, is messy,” he starts, gesturing between the two of you. “but you’re my friend, and i care about you and i want you to be happy.” he sighs. “so please tell me what’s wrong, because not texting you has been really weird, and if you want to end this then that’s fine and i’ll leave you alone, but don’t just ghost me. we’re still neighbors and i’m not a fan of awkward hallway conversations.”

you crack a smile for a second, but it quickly fades. “do you want to end this?”

“no, not really. but i don’t want you to feel like you have to keep doing this if you don’t like it.”

“i thought it was pretty obvious i did like it,” you say with an almost laugh. 

he stares at you quietly. “then what’s going on?”

“i want to keep doing this, but i just… i don’t think i can,” you say, avoiding his eyes. “at least not like this.”

“what do you mean, ‘like this’?”

“joshua, because i like you. and i feel awful because i know we’re not on the same page and it feels like i’m taking advantage of you because you probably have a dozen other women telling you the exact same thing and it’s probably exhausting and it’s not what you want!”

his face contorts in shock at your words. “well, first, that’s not at all true. and second of all, stop trying to guess what i want without just talking to me. what is it that you want?”

“you! i don’t know. i don’t know what i want anymore,” you say, covering your face with your hands. 

joshua’s not sure if he should hug you or not, but he really, really wants to. “is that all that’s been bothering you this week?” he asks softly.

“yeah,” you say, moving your hands but still avoiding his eyes. “it’s stupid. i know, and i’m sorry.”

he laughs, and you look up at him like he’s crazy. “you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he says. “i’m sorry. because for months i’ve been wishing we could change this but i never said anything because this is what i thought you wanted.”

you keep staring at him, but he can’t read the emotion on your face. “so… what is this, then?”

“i’ll be whatever you want me to be for you. your fuck buddy, or your friend, or your boyfriend, whatever.”

“you really don’t see other people?” you ask, still unsure.

now it’s joshua’s turn to look at you like you’re crazy. “no, why would i want to? i don’t care if you do, but with how often you text me it sounds like you don’t, either.”

“i just figured— nevermind,” you sigh.

“can i give you a hug?” he asks after a minute. “we’ve been sleeping together the whole semester, and i don’t think i’ve ever given you a real, proper hug.”

you smile, and seeing that instantly makes his day. “yes, please.”

his arms feel secure around you, and his chest is warm against your cheek. with a sigh you close your eyes, breathing in the smell of his cologne that you’ve been trying to push out of your brain for weeks.

you stand there for a while, neither of you making any moves to pull away. it's been a really, really long week without joshua and you didn’t realize how badly you missed him until this moment.

“so about the walls thing—”

“hm?” he mumbles.

“—you can really hear everything?”

he laughs. “oh, yeah. your bedroom is right next to mine. been having trouble sleeping for so long because i kept hearing you moan my name and it got me hard every time.”

your cheeks burn in embarrassment. “joshua, i’m so sorry! if i had known—”

he shakes his head, cutting you off. “you can make it up to me by telling me everything you were thinking about.”

“probably nothing you don't already know,” you grin shyly.

“probably, but i wanna hear you say it anyway.”

you lean away from him a little bit, releasing your arms from around him to rest against his chest. “i should've known this is why you wanted to come over,” you say, pretending to be mad, but you can already feel the tingling feeling building up in your stomach at the thought.

“it's not,” he replies smoothly, “but i did miss waking up to you knocking on my door.”

you pout. “that was only that one time!”

“doesn't mean it has to be the last.”

heat creeps up into your cheeks and you glance away from him, gaze trained on his shoulder. 

“you really wanna know what i was thinking about?” you ask, finally building up the courage to look back up at his face.

“of course i do.” his eyes are sparkling as he watches you, and you can't exactly identify the emotion but you know it makes your heart flutter.

“well,” you start, “it was different every time, but most of the time it started like this.” you trail your hands down his torso, pausing when they reach his hips. he stays silent, eyes fixed on your movements and a little smile on his face that you don't think he even realizes he's doing.

“and then…” you look down, a little surprised to notice the bulge in his pants already there. you place your hand over him gently and look up, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't stop you.

you clear your throat and start again. “and then, you'd sit on the couch and let me gag on your cock for a while.”

you start to push on his hips, backing him into your living room. he’s enjoying this way more than he should be, but then again, you basically just confessed your love to him so it’s kind of the best day of his life.

the back of his thighs hits the arm rest of your couch, but before you can move him any further his hands pull you flush against his body, his bulge pressing into your stomach. 

“how about we skip that part for another day?” he says, his voice low. “tell me what happens after.”

you try your best to hold back a moan, suddenly losing your ability to speak. you can practically feel his cock throbbing through his clothes and it makes it impossible to come up with a coherent sentence.

“don’t get shy on me now, baby,” he hums, hands still firmly gripping your hips, and if your brain hadn’t short-circuited already then it definitely has now. “been hearing you in your room for weeks, i know how loud you like to be.”

“that’s not fair,” you finally manage, still trying to collect your thoughts.

joshua leans forward to kiss your neck, gently at first but quickly growing harsher, and you’re sure he can feel your pulse jump every time his teeth graze your skin. 

“fuck, just like that,” you whimper, “exactly like that, shua—”

after a minute he hums and glances up at you through his lashes, clearly waiting for you to keep talking.

“we’d make out for a while, and then you—you’d fuck me on the floor,” you gasp out. joshua moans against your skin, and it’s only then that you realize your hands have found their way to his hair, tugging on it to urge him on.

your fingers loosen and he pulls away, the corners of his lips wet with saliva. “on the floor? you deserve better than that, baby,” he tsks. “can i take you to bed instead?”

“please,” you whine softly, suddenly feeling unbearably eager to fuck him. all week you’ve been using every last ounce of your energy to avoid thinking about joshua, but now that he’s here in front of you and way too willing to play into your fantasies, all the emotions you’ve been holding in are spilling out, and you don’t feel like containing them anymore.

you grab his hand and it’s like you can’t make it to your room fast enough, falling onto your bed and pulling him down on top of you. by then you’ve both forgotten the conversation you were having before because you’re too busy desperately pressing your lips against his, barely remembering to breathe as he kisses you and kisses you and kisses you and what were you even talking about again?

your brain is clouded when he finally pulls away with a gasp, kissing your cheek and your neck once more. his hands slip beneath your shirt and tug it over your head, making his way between your breasts and down your stomach and leaving more kisses as he goes. your skin burns with each touch, gentle lips and not-so-gentle hands covering every inch of you until you feel like your whole body is on fire.

he sits up just long enough to pull his own shirt off and now it’s your turn to touch, your hands instantly finding his chest as you trace your fingertips down his abs.

“how do you want me?” joshua groans, his hands joining yours at his hips to help him push his pants to the ground.

“fuck… missionary? just like this?” you say as you kick your pants and panties off in a rush, wrapping your legs around his waist.

his cock brushes against your stomach and you sigh out a moan, your hands moving up to grab at his biceps. he doesn’t say another word as he runs his tip through your folds, his attention fixated on your pussy and how you’re already dripping for him. for a second he forgets where he is and what he’s doing, so engrossed with the sight of you and how fucking glad he is that he didn’t lose you because you’re both idiots that assume too much about what the other wants instead of communicating your feelings like normal adults.

you let out a little noise and his eyes flick back up to your face, his gaze immediately softening at the blissful expression on your face. to think, he could’ve been seeing you like this the whole time if he had the balls to admit how he felt sooner. but there’s plenty of time for him to pout about it later because right now you need him, and he needs you, too, so why waste time thinking about that when he can think about how good you look taking his cock?

he leans down because he can’t resist kissing your beautiful face one more time, and finally he pushes into you, letting out a loud whine at the same time you moan his name. the sound of your voices joined together goes straight to his dick as he pulls almost all the way out, thrusting back into you with renewed energy.

“baby— fuck,” he groans, his grip on your body tightening as his thrusts begin to grow faster and rougher. “so good to me.”

you clench hard around him at the nickname, clinging onto him as you squeeze your eyes shut.

and then without warning everything hits you all at once, and you go boneless in his arms as he whimpers and groans and gasps and holds you tight and he probably told you he loves you about a million times as he was cumming too but you can’t hear anything as you lay exhausted on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with your ears ringing.

even with his shaking hands you can still feel the gentleness in joshua’s touch as you start to come back down, the warmth of his breath on your cheek as his fingers lightly brush your hair out of your face, feeling him twitch inside you before he slowly pulls out. 

with his own orgasm following just barely after yours that was probably some kind of record for the fastest round ever, but you don’t even have the strength to care. so what if he usually fucks you for hours on end? all you care about is the fact that he’s tracing your collarbones with a fucked-out little smile on his face and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life.

with a soft grunt he stands up, and you call out his name with all the energy you have left.

“joshua?”

“mhm?”

“can you stay?” you ask, and somehow you both know you’re talking about more than just for the next few minutes.

he smiles. “wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.” and when he comes back with a towel and a wet wipe and apologizes for how fast it all was and promises to give you more whenever you want because he’s officially yours now, you know he’s telling the truth.

even when he’s doing nothing at all, joshua never fails to make your head spin. 

laying in the dark with you, his fingers absentmindedly twirling your hair as you snuggle into his chest, you can’t even begin to find the words to explain how good it feels knowing he loves you and you love him back. 

but it doesn’t seem like he needs words right now. all he needs is you.

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

taglist | @wonderfulshinee @noniestars @just-here-to-read-01 @darlingvernon @wonuziex @enhacolor @yourfavoritefreakyhan @dkakapizzaboy @zozojella @rainyjeno @jwnghyuns @uwuheeseungie @miriamxsworld @synthetickitsune @simeonswhore @junhour @foxdaisy @honglynights @limesorbets @98-0603 @fairybinie @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @mingminghao @jeanjacketjesus @luvwonyy @tinkerbell460 @novalpha @ronnie97b @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @usari @hyneyedfiz @honestlydooetree @ktackore @k-drama-adict @cloecard

strikethrough means your blog cannot be tagged, please check your visibility settings and make sure they are off so i can tag you properly!

if you want to be notified when i post a new fic, you can join my taglist here!

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Cold Moon in Cancer ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Happy New Year~!🍀It’s January already but, gosh, aren’t we all still preparing for the spring equinox this year🍓That’s when the real new year begins, aenergetically~🎍

The Full Cold Moon on 26th December carried a theme surrounding Home and Hearth. It touches on our IC (Imum Coeli) and 4th House in our natal chart. The IC tells us who we are when no one’s watching, and after we become super clear about that, it helps us realise what kinds of company are legitimately good for our sense of belonging in this mortal world.

Your IC can literally shed light unto the reasons you feel alone and separated from the people around. The Full Cold Moon in Cancer—ruler of the 4th House—invites us to take a look at our sense of familyship whilst being incarnate on Earth.

People on this Planet have been struggling with an immense sense of loneliness since the introduction of social media; isn’t that strange? How is it that the more people we’re able to connect with the more miserable we feel on the inside? Well, isn’t it clear that social media has helped us become more aware of what’s truly FAKE when it comes to human connections?💍

Our IC deeply craves real familial connections. Moving forward, wouldn’t you rather entertain soul-based friendships that really care about your wellbeing as a Human being? This Cold Full Moon in Cancer, you’re invited to once again die to everything and everyone that doesn’t make you feel seen, heard, respected, or wanted👻

Fake connections, whether online or offline, can go fuck ‘emselves🥢

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – The Choice to be Free Has Always Been Yours to Make

i d e n t i t y – Knight of Pentacles

Others may think you are mad, but you of all people know there is method to your madness. More than everybody else gives you credit for, you’re actually somebody who’s very strategizing. You are careful with your plans and you think very many things through before you execute your plan. Others simply do not understand this mechanism in your brain because you’re quite unique, quite unorthodox even. This Full Cold Moon, you are invited to ponder if the source of your misery is actually other people’s beliefs about you rather than your actual incapability.

Just because you’re following a strange path of your own doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Weirdos throughout history have changed societies for the better. We should all be thankful to weirdos—and especially, WITCHES. Did you know that WAY TOO MANY of our advances in science and medicine were actually done by witches? They burnt and hanged the witches and took credit for all of their hard work. Tsk tsk tsk… I raise my cup to all y’all witches who’s working to blast open new pathways for the rest of Mankind🍸Keep doing you. Keep going because spring will surprise you with loads of delights~🍬

s e r e n i t y – Queen of Pentacles Rx

You’re a helpful soul, that much is apparent. But you’ve got to learn some discernment so that you don’t get taken advantage of very easily. What the Queen of Pentacles in reverse is trying to show you is that, unfortunately, too many people in this world don’t even deserve to be helped. Not by you, at least. Unless you’re getting paid for rehabbing messed up people, let them deal with their own mess and grow up from it. Ultimately the Queen of Pentacles Rx is cautioning you against letting messed up people in your inner circle because these types of people are gonna bring their mess into your Life.

You get to decide, with your skilled discernment, who’s worth helping, fighting for; who’s worth keeping because they give you just as much affection. If, in order to keep serenity in your world you must look like a stingy bitch, let it be. Be selective with who you give your time and money to. Make sure you aren’t sucked dry of spiritual aenergy yourself. Your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides are saying, this whole winter you’ve got shit to manifest—big, big shit. Preserve your precious aenergy so you can manifest real, long-lasting results~!🌳

f a m i l y – 8 of Cups Rx

Having said all of that, this card is saying: don’t easily walk away from things and endeavours that you know from deep within your heart matter. I think you’re so dreamy and floaty that you could have a hard time being realistic when it comes to the physical manifestation of your real desires. You could think, since they’re unrealistic, you might as well give up and choose to focus on other more pragmatic pursuits. If you must leave, leave the people and environments that don’t support your heart’s desires—don’t leave the desires and end up becoming very unhappy with yourself! After all, with your already methodical mind, you actually have all the power in you to bridge your dreams to Reality.

That’s why, honey, the freedom to be free has always been in your mind. Now you’ve just got to make the right decision—what kind of freedom is real freedom to you? The freedom to choose to kowtow to societal expectations or the freedom to walk your own path no matter how lonely (at first)?

‘If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.’ – Frank Zappa

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Art and Romanticism Have Always Been an Important Part of Your Heart

i d e n t i t y – 9 of Cups

You have many dreams, but if there’s one thing, you’ve always dreamt to be independent, doing your dreamy things in your dreamy space. I think you’re the kind of person who’d be considered a quiet eccentric. You have many interests and hobbies, and you’re quite sensitive about having your me-time uninterrupted. I think you could erupt if someone walks in on your serious activity and startle you or if someone in your family tells you to go and do something in the middle of your reading. That kinda vibe. You’re quite a loner, actually. You’re super weird tho XD Do you maybe identify as an autistic kid, fam?

Anyway, please know that this Full Cold Moon is inviting you to ponder more deeply about your place amongst Humans. I have a feeling you don’t really like Humans or at least, you find human interactions absolutely exhausting, for the most part. If you know this blog, you know already how much I prize individuality and being alone if it means peace of mind and faster manifestations LOL BUTT!! In this reading, I’m getting that many of you may want to ponder yet again how you interact with people, especially those closest to you because sometimes, there really are people who care about your wellbeing more than you realise.

s e r e n i t y – 10 of Cups Rx

Many of you choosing this Pile probably haven’t got a nice family background. Of course, there are a million scenarios for each person but for the most part, I sense that you’ve felt familial connections to be emotionally unsatisfying. That’s why you seek emotional fulfilment in this multitude of hobbies and interests. Clearly you’re a very intelligent person, that much I’d like to iterate. And so, this reading seeks to validate your feelings about your eccentricity.

Art and all those dramatic things have always been integral to your sense of identity. I really think you should indulge, as long as whatever dramatic things you enjoy aren’t detrimental to your mental or physical wellbeing. If you happen to be the type that’s already doing detrimental things in your pursuit of an emotional high, this card is suggesting you pause breathe and eat before you go after another round of pursuing that high.

f a m i l y – Page of Cups Rx

When you’re pausing, you can cry. Accepting our emotions and acknowledging that they make us Human usually comes with a sense of grieving for all the ways we’ve thought ourselves as being in the wrong. There’s not a thing fundamentally wrong with you, it’s the people around you that have made you feel like you can’t communicate with them with striking vulnerability. And if these experiences have caused you to bear a lot of dark thoughts or negative emotions, I’d like you to know it happens to the best of us.

You could literally turn your pains into art, if anything. If you’ve chosen this Pile as your main pile, know that the pain you’ve experienced through human connections could be turned into art and that your Art has the capacity to heal those who come into contact with its backstory. And this, totally will have a significant place on the world stage because, as you can see, human interactions in recent years have gotten weirder and weirder in some capacity. So many people are hurting from getting disappointed by the…government and celebrities? LOL

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Princess Kaguya, Is That You?

i d e n t i t y – 2 of Cups Rx

At the core of your being, you’ve always been different in that your heart is a lot purer, your morality is criminally significantly higher, you’re compassionate and can empathise with people on a level that’s beyond the comprehension of most others. The way you’ve experienced this Human Reality is incomparable to what most others have known. Basically, you’re an alien! And that’s an incredibly modest thing to say about you.

What you genuinely wish to see manifest in this world is vastly more high-vibrational than most people would even care to think about. I hope you accept that you are genuinely such a good person when you’re in your best element. What’s really difficult to maintain is your faith in people, for the most part, because you haven’t really met anyone who’s capable of giving their heart to you as deeply as you’ve given yours. This whole experience has broken your spirit and faith in a lot of things.

s e r e n i t y – 9 of Pentacles

And thus, you’ve carved out a Life of your own, quite separate from most people you’ve ever known. I’m sure you’ve burnt a lot of bridges up until just recently, and I sense, many of you simply know there’s still a few more to burn going forward. This is your confirmation that you’ve done the right thing. In this Human world, too many people buy into the idea that to be good is to be social; but you’ve experienced firsthand that that’s often not the case. You know firsthand that many people’s demons get activated by some weird connections to other people’s demons. And you don’t like that.

So you made a decision to walk away from most aspects of social life and worked your butt off to polish your skills. Some of you have spent many years studying; some of you have spent very many months working on a glow-up; some of you have deepened your spiritual prowess and connected to higher realms; basically, you’ve died and become a ghost… Springtime will bring you the resurrection you deserve, bitch!🎍

f a m i l y – King of Cups

About your Soul Fam though, I feel that travel is highly indicated for you. Some of you, you could be meeting a Soul Fam member during travels, but for the majority of you, this aenergy is giving the idea that you’re literally meant to travel the world or live abroad, perhaps even for the rest of your lives. Highly advanced souls can often have a narrative in which they’re expected to die on a land different from the one they were born into. So, if you’ve been thinking of moving to a different country or state, this is your confirmation that it is indeed part of your soul scenario.

Thanks to modern travel, it’s so easy for highly advanced souls to connect with their true Family members from different countries and that’s something we’re glad about LOL If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re going to die alone and sad, that’s totally not the case. If anything, you have so many Soul Fam members who are going to be just as highly spiritual, profoundly dreamy and vastly empathetic as you are. You’re going to be very glad when the time comes for Soul Families to reunite in the upcoming couple of years~ YAY~!

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[moonshynecybin]

fco ‼️‼️

okay damn!! short fic (1kish) for forced coming out au set near the end of the story when vale has realized some THINGS ! (not everything. especially about marc's feelings for him...) and they ARE fucking again... which of course is righttttt when hondayamaha PR are like. okay you two can break up now ! and vale's like yall mind if i fall on this sword real quick. would that be fun.

“So, we think that at the end of the season you two should be in the clear to go your separate ways, we’ve built out a separation schedule for you both to use, and emailed it to you and Marc as well. As long as you keep it relatively civil after that, we think we can call the last year a success.”

“This is—“ Vale flips the page back over, finished with it. He looks back at the bland smile of the PR person. She's very nice.

He hates her.

But he knew what this was, going in. It shouldn’t surprise him when he’s reminded of what it’s not.

He gestures at the folder in front of him, smile still easy on his face, his pulse rabbiting anxiously in his throat. He asks for clarification. Finds he needs it, badly.

“This is permission to stop? To break up?”

“Yes!” She says cheerfully, like it’s exciting, and Vale knew that was probably going to be her answer, but he still feels like he’s been cut off at the knees, cold water trickling it’s way down his spine. He digs his nails into one of his palms, making sure his expression doesn’t change.

She keeps speaking.

“You two have done an incredible job, and we got together with the PR team at Honda,” She gestures at Marc, somewhere to the left of Vale’s elbow. “And they agree. After the season ends you can start to move apart. You can put it all behind you.”

Like it never happened, Vale hears, and he twitches.

He should have expected this, but he didn’t. He thought that it would be up to Marc and him, when they wanted to call things off. That they could keep up this equilibrium that had the two of them balancing on an edge as sharp as a razor. Push and pull, living in anticipation of a deadline that some part of him thought would never come.

Like it never happened.

What was his relationship with Marc before all this? He knows it well enough, created most of it. The shape that it took, those last few months of the season. All the resentment. What he did to it. The way Marc had folded in on himself for weeks.

He’s only started to act like himself again recently, open and happy with the press, with Vale.

What would it look like, returning to what it was? What would it feel like, to pretend it never happened?

He scratches at the side of his face. He wants to vomit. He doesn't. He shifts a little, glances over at Marc beside him for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. He needs more information on how to react, which way to spin this, where Marc might be, when he thinks about a life without Vale.

And Marc isn’t necessarily hard to read, at this point, though there are nuances that he can— and has—missed. Álex, for instance, always seems to know, seems to have a handle on the degrees of Marc’s smile, the tone of his laugh, when he’s upset or not. But Vale is a more recent student. Has only found it necessary to apply himself this last year or so, obsessing over the angle of his eyebrows and the lines around his mouth, the way he forms his words. The timbre of his voice. Anything to perform better, to gauge how he’s feeling, to perfect the picture, find out what Vale can do for him. A catalog of Marc. 

And right now— Marc’s back is ramrod straight, unnaturally so. He is fidgeting with his hands.

No part of him is touching Vale.

Vale’s stomach bottoms out, he flicks his eyes back to the page in front of him. Thinks. Reviews.

His face, just now. The slight pinch of his posture. The inches between their bodies.

Vale had pressed his knee against him earlier. He must have moved away, sometime in the course of the conversation.

Vale glances back.

Marc looks serious, like he’s staring down the beginning of a race. His face is calm, remote, and the PR lady doesn’t seem to notice, but Vale sees the cracks show through. A stark contrast to the way he was last week, sprawled out in the sheets of Vale’s bed, loose and relaxed, the sun playing on the muscles of his back. Vale had licked a hot stripe up his spine, and Marc had shivered, ticklish. When Vale had placed a hand against the spaces of his ribs, he had laughed, and Vale could feel it against his hand. Had pressed his nose to the warmth of Marc’s skin, breathing deep. Had almost let himself think it was something he could keep.

But here and now, there’s none of that, erased in the gray light of the conference room. Marc’s shoulders have inched their way up around his ears, and he’s jittery, frenetic, picking at his cuticles. His jaw jumps when Vale speaks, brittle, like he’s bracing for something. A hit, maybe. A crash. Marc hasn’t looked this way in months. Since— Probably since Sepang, last year. Maybe Qatar, this season, before that first press conference. Staring down the field of cameras ahead of him.

A thought occurs to Vale, sudden and sickening.

He must be nervous about the breakup. Worried about the media backlash. Vale’s fans. About what people will do to them if they decide Vale hates him again. About going back to that.

Vale thumbs at the paper edge of timeline, stares at the logical sequence of steps. Plan for the Dissolution of Relationship, he reads in clinical font. Calculated to let them both get out of this with minimal damage, please the advertisers. An amicable break up. Mutual, they’ll call it.

But Vale was listening earlier, and he knows it’s not good enough— doesn’t do enough to ease the way. It'll just set them back where they were in the off-season, when Marc was losing sponsors and everyone knew that a photo of him on his knees might be enough to keep him off the bike for good. All because of Vale. And he can’t— that’s not an option.

“What if I'm seen out with someone else, at a bar or a club?” He says, and the eyebrow of the PR lady shoots up. “Would that make it cleaner for us?”

She tilts her head, considering it. Infuriatingly placid. Vale wants to scream.

“Well, you would certainly be in the tabloids again for a few days, and you’d have to be careful not to be too public about it, but–” She ends it by giving him a knowing glance that makes him feel like live ants are crawling under his skin. He doesn’t want to be seen with anyone else. He wants— “That would send a message! If you think it would make things simpler and faster, we won’t stop you if you want to do it.”

“Two weeks you said?” Vale interrupts, before she can open up the conversation any more. He needs to know how long he has left, how long Marc will— how long before he has to see Marc with anyone else. How long he can expect to be able to roll over in the middle of the night and watch him breathe. Count his lashes until he falls back to sleep.

And two weeks is—that’s. That's no time at all. That's a blink, a heartbeat. And Marc will be able to leave, like he wanted to at the beginning, and it’ll go back to how it was. In the off-season, when they weren’t talking.

The world feels distant and immediate all at once, and Vale can see the future stretch out ahead of him—polite smiles on podiums. Spraying champagne anywhere but at each other. Bland platitudes about respect in press conferences. Pretending that he hasn’t seen the freckles on Marc’s back play against his eyelids every time he's closed his eyes since Phillip Island last year 

“Two weeks, yes, and then you two can go your separate ways.” She says, and Marc shifts beside him. He hasn’t pulled further away, hasn’t put any more space between the two of them, but he’s being very quiet. Deliberately so. Cards close to his chest, clamming up like he does, like he did when Vale confronted him after Sepang. When he told him he’d only be remembered for that. They’ve both made sure that’s not the case, now.

Vale leans back in his chair and lets their arms brush, trying to get a read on him, do something— and Marc’s drawn like a bowstring, the muscle of his bicep so taught against Vale’s it feels inorganic—steel or brick. Something hard and immovable. Vale doesn’t look at him, doesn’t want to see his face. That would feel like open heart surgery.

Marc will be okay without him. He was always going to go, competition was always going to find a way between them. But he’s just like Vale, was born to ride a bike, and Vale can’t—won’t— let himself be the reason Marc is getting torn apart by the press again. Won’t let himself be the reason Marc can’t be in the paddock. Can’t be on the track, getting in Vale’s way.

He can’t be the reason this is all Marc gets remembered for.

He takes a deep breath.

“I can find someone by then.” He says.

And he feels Marc shift, and pull away from him completely.

[kooktrash]

ALL YOU WANT!TAEHYUNG PLSPLS

ugh I forgot how much I love this couple 🤭 also them both being rich and lowkey a little stuck up so Taehyung doesn’t have a problem doing what y/n wants even if he won’t outright say he’ll side with y/n even if it might be an abuse of power.

drabble for: ALL YOU WANT

warnings: none. wc 1.7k problems at work

Despite what everyone says now, when you first met Taehyung you really did not expect things to move so quickly. Sure, at first it was extremely bumpy, your personalities clashed a bit but because the two of you both seemed determined to at least try and see where it could go, you stuck it out. It made you realize that for some reason the two of you seemed to work very well together and that’s probably why you’ve been dating so long without much of a problem.

One of the only things the two of you seem to struggle with is aligning your schedules together. You’re still in school and Taehyung is a business man so it’s very hard to find time together and you still live separately. Your only chances to see him are when he’s able to drop you off on campus or when you visit him at work so more often than not you’re visiting his office.

Today happened to be one of those days and like the receptionists in the lobby have been taught to do, they let you up without much of a fuss. Your only problem in the office happens to be his secretary who never fails to give you some sort of look that made it clear she wasn’t too fond of you. It’s not in your personality to ge so bothered by another woman—especially one who’s just your boyfriend’s employee—but you just really hate being looked down on by someone who had absolutely no reason to do it. It’s her audacity that really gets on your nerves.

“Oh, Miss L/n?” Yoona spoke up the second you got off the elevator to his floor where it was only his office, the secretary's desk, and a few conference rooms. Your heels stopped mid-clack as you stood in front of her desk where she had a charmingly fake smile on her face. You lifted a brow waiting to hear what she had to say.

“Mr. Kim still isn’t back from his meeting yet,” she said and it’s not that what she said was rude but it’s the tone she said it in. You just smiled, “That’s alright, I’ll just wait in his office.”

You’ve been working on being nice lately. You’re not going to say it’s because of Taehyung but it sort of is. It’s not that he’s trying to change you but some things just happen naturally and you’ve slowly become more mature. This does not mean that you’ve changed completely though and you realize that right now that Yoona is smiling at you in a way that really annoys the fuck out of you.

It’s not a genuine smile and you’re actually very sure you’ve never gotten a real smile from her. It’s like she does not think Taehyung should be with you or she’s just had something against you since the beginning and you’re really getting tired of it. Still, you’re going to try and be nice for the sake of Taehyung and just head to his office biting your tongue.

“Well, you see, he’s been gone for a while and I’m not sure when he’ll be back and I just don’t want you stuck waiting all evening when you must have plans, you’re a busy person aren’t you?” Yoona asked with a tilt of her head stopping you from walking away.

You couldn’t help but smile but it was far from being happy. You were smiling because she really thinks she has any sort of say in what you do. You turned back with a smile, Cartier bracelets hitting the glass counter with a small clank as you smiled down at her, “You’re his secretary and you don’t know when he’ll be back?”

She smiled at you, “Unfortunately that seems to be the case.”

This time you couldn’t stop the laugh in disbelief that you led out as you looked toward the elevator as if worried Taehyung would step off of it just in time to hear you and Yoona talk, “You don’t like me much, do you Yoona?”

Yoona didn’t even flinch as she said, “How I feel shouldn’t matter, Miss L/n, you’re the one dating my boss.”

“Say that again,” you smiled a perfect smile that made her look confused.

“Excuse me, what?”

“Say what you just said again, I really think you need to hear it more clearly for you to comprehend,” you told her, resting your head on your hand with your elbow against the front counter looking innocently sweet.

Her smile became a bit more strained as she repeated only the end, “Miss L/n, you’re the one dating my boss.”

Just then the elevator dinged and it wasn’t hard for you both to realize it could only be Taehyung and yet it did not stop you from talking even knowing he was walking up with a smile on his face at the sight of you.

“So why don’t you do yourself a favor and remember that the next time you see me because I really don’t want to have this conversation again,” You said confidently, “You’re in an easily replaceable position and if you think I can’t get you fired and completely blacklisted just because I didn’t like the way you looked at me then you have a lot to learn about the kind of person I am.”

Yoona’s smile slowly dropped but yours only grew wider, “I really hope you have a great rest of your day, Secretary Yoona.”

You stood straight as you released a breath in relief at finally giving just a small hint of how you feel toward her and looked down the hall at your boyfriend who was coming over. You couldn’t even bring yourself to smile at the gorgeous sight of him in the Gucci tie you bought just last weekend. Instead, you rolled your eyes and turned on your heel toward his office.

It took absolutely zero seconds for Taehyung to understand the look you just gave him and it made his smile slowly drop. His steps seemed to slow as he watched his secretary turn to him looking flustered bowing to him in greeting. He would be lying if he said he didn’t catch on to whatever must be happening between you and Yoona but he really hoped it was just his imagination. He doesn’t understand it or why it would bother you but he also knows that it’s been going on for a while and he’s been waiting bc for you to bring it up to him and urging him to fire her or something.

If you haven’t brought it up yet, it must be that you’ve been holding it in and trying to ignore it but you can’t anymore. Now you’re doing what you used to do and looking at him like he’s done something wrong.

He looked down at Yoona hearing his office door slam as she tried greeting him, “Is everything alright here?”

“Of course sir, Miss L/n will be waiting for you in your office like usual,” Yoona said with a bitter smile that made his brows furrow. He nodded his head ready to go see what happened but stopped himself before he could leave, “Miss Yoona?”

“Yes?”

“I would like to commend you for being able to manage with any of my personal matters, I’m sure they could be a bit troublesome,” Taehyung said in a surprisingly considerate voice as he looked down at her with a stern look, “But if you find yourself unable to act accordingly with my guests then maybe we should look into a change in position—you know… for your sake?”

Yoona seemed stunned for a second. Kim Taehyung had always been a kind yet stern employer but that’s what most people admired him for. He was very business oriented and could separate his personal life from his work life but maybe that’s why this is a bit of a surprise for everyone. He was like the untouchable boss everyone admired from afar but ever since you’ve started showing up things clearly changed and some people aren’t fond of it. Yoona never expected her charismatic boss to say this sort of thing. All she could do was nod her head at the thought of possibly getting relocated or fired at that—all because she thought she was confident in her professional relationship with her boss.

“I’ll keep that in mind for a few days, alright? Just to think of what’s best for everyone this might affect,” Taehyung said finally and she understood clearly. He’s implying that he’ll talk about it with you [not that your opinion should matter about her job]and in the end still do what you want even if it meant Taehyung wasn’t being professional either. It made her realize that maybe you two were more alike on the inside than she first thought.

With that he left to his office with a smile that didn’t disappear even as he saw you sitting on his leather chair. A small sigh escaped his lips as he shut the door firmly, “This isn’t the greeting I’m used to, love.”

You didn’t respond, acting as if you were too occupied on your phone to acknowledge him, “Sorry, I’m making plans for dinner with Jungkook,” you casually said not bothering to look at him even as he stood in front of you now determined to get your attention. He had a clear view of your phone from how he looked down at you and his jaw tightened. His hand fell to your hair as he brushed it back essentially making you look up tilting your head back. He looked intimidating right about now, standing in front of you in his office with his expensive suit on.

He smiled while caressing your cheek, “You’re not making plans tonight without me so why don’t you put your phone down so we can talk about what’s made you ignore me.”

“I’m not ignoring you, we’re talking right now,” you argued but he didn’t let up.

“You ignored me just now, out in the hall and when I came in you wouldn’t even look at me until I did this. You think that’s not ignoring me?” He asked with a tilt of his head, “You know how I feel, if something is bothering you, say it to me and I’ll figure out what I can do.”

You didn’t say anything making him sigh once more, “Does it have to do with Miss Yoona?”

::.

personal taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @alwaysdreamingnotsleeping @cherrymonlightt @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover @saweetspoiled @uwu2rawr @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @tearyjjeon @joons-uparupa @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @knudsenheggedel @skzthinker @unnatae @aurorthi @beautywine @95ene @taekookstata @lilliankoo @shescharlie @annenakamura @lesoleile @burnahtsw @babybella337 @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @minnie-mouser22

[ironraven]

lore of psychopomp?

(what this doesn't show is that, because I used plexicon, I also got all pearls from vanilla and all those modded regions. and all echoes!) (don't mind that kill count too much either. that only counts survived cycles; I killed way more than this)

tl;dr; despite trying to separate itself from the world entirely, enough to kill indiscriminately without even thinking about it, having one single driving goal is Bad For Your Karma. tl;dr;tl;dr; reach heaven through violence, but fuck it up anyway.

The long version is kind of a hard tale to talk about, though, because it's been looping over itself for a long while. Psychopomp was originally just a fun skin I used for playing hunter, when I was first getting into modded hunter. It was a merge of echocat and the vordt, actually, the former of which ended up influencing a lot of the plot thoughts I had going forward. Vulture masks, especially king vulture masks, for the bonus lizard fear time, quickly become my favourite item. I carry them everywhere.

Time passes. I don't play modded for a while, I wipe my game and re-mod it from the ground up. I want to play modded hunter--but, specifically, I want to play through a lot of regions, especially some that I'd never played before, like Aether Ridge. And that's when the Psychopomp run begins. The goal I set for the run was to get all echoes and all pearls, to force myself to thoroughly explore regions instead of just running through. For smaller regions, I'd even try to fully light up the map. Psychopomp is as much of a wanderer as any slugcat can get, and obtaining the full passage--to see everything the world has to offer--is their main goal. Meeting echoes (hence the name) and reading pearls are bonuses. For this run, instead of using Fancy Slugcats, I used Colourfoot. It was mostly because I didn't want to deal with sprites, but it had the effect of, instead of being an echoed, warped thing, Psychopomp was still a living breathing slugcat.

Time passes. I play off and on for months. A single slugcat, no matter how good at travelling and obliterating lizards, can only go so fast. Despite killing so often, it's detached from the action. Violence weighs on a person, and that weight will tie you to the Cycle--but if it doesn't weigh on you, you could kill anything and have no burden. It's about the thought that goes into the action just as much as the action itself. Every other passage goes the same way. I take my regions from easiest to hardest, and depending on what's nearby. This leaves the two largest regions, Aether Ridge and Oceanic Aqueducts, which are both in Sky Islands, for last.

Time passes. I spend a small lifetime tracking down every pearl, and figuring out unique ways of getting white pearls. A region, Scrapped Peaks, utterly broke every white pearl in the game. Any white pearl not newly spawned in (so ones placed manually, as opposed to treasury and dropwig pearls) will be transformed into one of Scrapped Peaks' pearls. Psychopomp is haunted by this awful cursed "fluora pearl". Aether Ridge and Aqueducts take several years off of my lifespan. Psychopomp's too, because these regions should be the last pips needed for Wanderer--there is still one pip left. I wander around the map more, checking regions I wasn't sure if I remembered visiting or not. The pip remains. I visit Subterranean; the pip remains. I give up. Psychopomp decides that the last pip must be from the Void Sea itself, and makes the trek down.

I carry the vulture mask with me into the Sea anyway, because even though it was a burden throughout Filtration System, I am deeply attached to it. I never use my left hand slot for anything else, because I never put down the mask. It's as much a part of Psychopomp as their face is. It was not, in fact, the last pip. It wasn't the end of my bugs, either, because after Taxi (the worm) drags me down to the last section of the Sea, where the clones spawn and you swim towards the slight, my game freezes entirely. Psychopomp sits motionless in the empty black void. I restart the cycle, and ascend again. Same bug. Every time the other slugcats try to spawn in, it freezes. Even though Psychopomp had already been decided to be echoed before this run even started, this solidified it for me. I felt like I had actually been echoed, stuck right at the very teetering edge of Ascension. That one single pip, that uncompleted passage wheel, preventing me from finishing the run--its existence. (I only got that end screen screenshot because I installed devtools, and dragged myself to the light before any other slugcats could spawn in and freeze the game. It's entirely unlegit, unlike the rest of the run, where I didn't even have it installed)

An ancient's echo is forced into one place, stuck monologuing to themselves--literally echoing. A slugcat wouldn't monologue, though, and the echo of their actions wouldn't be only in one place. Instead, Psychopomp's ghost, the restless remnants of what the Void Sea couldn't dissolve, spends eternity wandering after that final pip. No pearl will be enough, no region mapped completely. But, maybe, just past that gate--or over that building, or up past that tower, or

[shawcl]

Ok I must ask what is tsc or the aftg that you talk about.. with Neil and Jean and someone else I think .. I am so interested and I love the fanart and whenever you talk about it but I’m confused 😭😭 is it like an actual book series that publishes physically or only online?? Is it an original story or based of something else? Is it still ongoing or finished ??… I’ve seen quite a few people talk about so I was intrigued!!! Is aftg the first book or what the whole thing is called ?? Also where do you read it 😁 anyway as a long term shawcl fan I’m here for the ride and interested in your interests 🫡

omg anon u just made my day with this ask i'm not kidding i love being asked abt and talk abt all my brainworms!!! also can i just once again marvel over the power of fanartists, bc i feel u so much on this one, most of the fandoms i'm part of nowadays is thanks to pretty art <3 ALSO LONG TERM SHAWCL FAN i'm only rly comprehending this now i'm blushing bro stoppppp 😭😭😭💗

anyway where to even BEGIN omg. aftg stands for 'all for the game' which is a selfpublished book series by nora sakavic. the first book is called 'the foxhole court' and originally there've only been 3 books for almost 10 years UNTIL miss nora out of the blue announced a spinoff called 'the sunshine court' -> tsc and she released the first of 2 planned books in april! u must understand, that everyone understandably lost their marbles when she came out with those news, ESPECIALLY since it’s abt a ship no one ever thought would be canon. it’s like that one ship that never interacted in canon but everyone shipped anyway. the 2nd book was planned to be released later this year, but we don’t have any further info abt that yet. technically it’s all aftg, i like to tag tsc separately tho :D neil is our protagonist in the main trilogy and jean then gets the spotlight in tsc, but they’re all connected!!

these books are a little phenomenon, bc nora wrote and published these books without expecting even in the slightest that they'd blow up like this. rly it’s every author's dream lmao

as for what they’re abt, that’s a bit hard to summarize. i always like to tell ppl to jump into them blind bc that’s how u experience them the best lololol. u could say it’s abt a completely made up sport and an underdog college team made up of outcasts. but there’s also the japanese mafia. and a serial killer. the books are a fever dream rly and don’t make that much sense sometimes but it’s like a drug rly u can’t help but be addicted to them, just don’t take them to seriously lol

u can order the paperbacks on amazon or get them as ebooks, the first book is for free as far as i know and every other book is less than 1 dollar even, so u can’t do much wrong!!

this turned out so long omg i hope i could make things clearer for u, feel free to send more asks, i think it’s obvious how much i love talking abt this lol. also if u decide to read it………… give me updates pls <3

edit: also anon i forgot to mention, but if u need a list of trigger warnings u can hit me up, since the books also contain some pretty dark and fucked up shit! just a lil heads up

[drafthorsemath]

What made you fall in love with Crosshair and the clones in general?

Their stories. Especially Crosshair's. My pinned post says quiet a bit about this.

cult discussion under cut and then also me talking Crosshair because yes

I've been sedated, but can type. Send questions.

I was raised a follower of Harold Camping and so we believed in predestination and that God would save you only if he decided. But raised in that religious context, you are separated from people as time goes on and you are also given a date for the end of the world. Someone like me, well, I believed I wasn't showing enough fruits of the spirit that might show I was saved. I critiqued every bit of myself. I knew I wasn't good enough for God and that he must not have cared enough to pick me. So I went through the motions, did my best still, prayed and begged, and tried so hard to be perfect, but I knew there was a countdown clock over my head about the end of the world. Could I have just left? That's so tricky. I had no real money, no connections outside of the cult that felt safe enough to confide in, and then married someone in the cult. And it still wouldn't have shaken my fear that God was going to show up an murder me for his glory. That was what were were all put on this world for, God's glory. Saved? God did that to show his glory. Not saved? God is destroying you for his glory. Nothing else mattered.

So in some ways I envied the clones for the friendships they'd created in the war. I didn't have that. But I did very much understand being in something and fighting for it and never being presented with any other option. From the beginning of their lives, they are told exactly what to think and set on one course. Even if they are cleaning the floors on Kamino, they were made for one purpose and there seems to be little escape. They were literally made for war and yet are so much more. Clones, I see you.

The the bad batch hits and Crosshair's chip is enhanced and just seeing it in real action... Not as a group like in RotS, but seeing this one guy who is clearly intelligent and skilled, and they use him for his skills and treat him like actual garbage. It's one cult move after another for the Empire and seeing Crosshair trying to keep his head above water and make it in a place that seems like his best shot? Fuck. I get that. I didn't leave my cult either for a long time. For all the danger and self-loathing, it seemed safest.

And he just needs so much love. I know it's not going to be a quick turnaround, but that's another journey that is taken after living in a cult. So much mental damage, damage to the body, damage to relationships, damage to trust and oneself. And I guess while I have no filter, I might as well admit that I know what it's like to feel like no one understands and no one cares and you can't undo anything. But with the right support you can find so much love and understanding and I want that for Crosshair. And I want the clones safe and loved.

What made me fall? I felt like we'd understand each other and I just want to give them hugs and say this is your life and you get to live it.

[onesaltysir]

IF I SEE ONE MORE POST ABOUT HOGWARTS LEGACY I SWEAR TO GOD

Cancel culture doesn't work. It doesn't. We've gone from "Hey please don't be an asshole" to "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE SO WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE ASSHOLES" like all cancel culture does is create more assholes.

JK Rowling is a terrible person. We get it. Can we move on please?

She's not getting any royalties from Hogwarts Legacy. The game devs don't agree with her views and are trying to prove that again and again. You guys can't even call it Hogwarts Legacy, like you have to call it 'that wizard game' like shut up??? There was a literal website where people could track whether or not twitch streamers had played HL, then proceed to harass those streamers to the point where they shut down.

I do NOT agree with JK Rowling's statements. I don't. She's horrible and needs to seek some therapy or something. However you really need to separate the art from the artist, especially if said artist isn't getting any royalties.

Like "oh no you streamed the magic school game, you're transphobic and antisemitic and it'd be better if you'd keel over dead" like stop! Trans people aren't going to feel unsafe around someone just because they played a game!

Harry Potter (Frankly that whole universe really) raised me. It has been a comfort for me when I have had nothing else. When my parents refused to show me any kindness, the next best thing was to feel secondhand kindness from this franchise. I'm serious, I have one friend who's stuck around since the beginning. No one else has proven I can count on them. When you have one friend, and it's hard to make more, your best bet is relying on the comforts that have never once let you down.

Time and time again I can always turn to the wizarding world if I feel an oncoming panic attack, meltdown, episode, whatever you want to call it. I don't give a flying fuck about Rowling, I just prefer to calm down pretending I'm in a world where people actually give a damn, instead of having to try and remain calm and controlled in a chaotic environment where the only real structure is birth, suffering, and then death. How privileged you must be if you have the time and energy to rip the one comfort people have from them.

I don't see people going after One Piece, BNHA, etc. Those are also fictional worlds with shitty creators. How is the Wizarding World any different?

Separate the art from the artist, let people seek comfort in the world that accepted them when they had nothing, and literally shut the fuck up. You can hate me, you can call me antisemitic, you can call me homophobic or transphobic, I really don't care. If you don't give a fuck about me, why should I give a fuck about you lmfao?

How sad must your life be, that you feel entitled to rip comfort away from others.

[zestyderg]

MINECRAFT MOD YOU SAY?

seriously though ive been thinking about the same thing zesty there are a good number of mods that focus on dinosaurs so im gonna base some stuff off them as well as Pixelmon

this might be a long post sorry im racking my brain to how the fossil cleanings could go because every mod that ive seen that are just "put the fossils in the machine and it does everything"

to stay dedicated to the games i propose having KL-33N that when left clicked with a fossil, prompts up the cleaning board that we all know and love and have a pixel version of cleaning said fossil and if you dont have like a drill or hammer they says oh you cant do that basically you need to make a drill or hammer

the cleaning and reviving process will most definitely be in the same structure so id imagine that when a vivosaur is reviving itd look similar to how Pixelmon covers evolving like bright light the color of the element as the fossil grows and then the vivosaur appears

looking back on that one post you made i firmly agree that we need dancing vivosaurs what do you think about vivosaurs being in the wild like no trainer or anything kinda like that allosaur in the beginning of FFC also would mining fossils prompt the fights of wild trainers wanting said fossils or would they be standing around

omg would the player fucking just launch the vivocoins at other players, npcs, and vivosaurs as hard as they can so you click right and the coin just goes FLYING towards whatever the aim is battlewise id imagine itd be similar to the pixelmon battling(in the wild i mean)

for structures id say having the cities being some of the main ones BUT ZongaZonga in particular would be a bigger structure and be similar to the strongholds that are already in the game, with ZongaZonga skull being in the center or ZongaZonga himself in dino form ready to smite the player (bonus points if the Guardian is also there that the player has to get through first)

Another idea is to have fossil digging sites that are the best place to look for fossils scattered around looking fenced off fossil would still be randomized and can be found while caving but these fossil sights are the best and quickest way to get them

these sights would most likely be closer to the cities as i said before so you can clean them right away but it could be fun to make abandoned sights that are overrun with Vivosaurs with either run down cities or none at all

would the Bonehemoth be a mob or a structure/biome?? if it was a mob then would there be a chance that if you were right in front of it or on ice, the player would suddenly be transported to the "Bonehemoth" biome with Robinson and Balliver as NPCs that spawn where the player first spawns

OK! HI ANON!

Most of this stuff will be covered in the post. I will try to answer some of your questions and clarify some things here, though.

For now, cleaning and reviving are separate. So you have a cleaning table and your tools (all need to be crafted, the upgraded versions of the tools must be crafted separately and with rarer resources). You clean the fossil with the table, the fossil goes back into your inventory, and you take the fossil to either be revived or integrated. The revival machine can also be crafted. I don't want players to be forced to rely on KL-33N for all of that, especially since he'd have set spawns in certain structures that you may not easily come across, and the sooner you can get to cleaning and reviving, the better.

Rogue vivosaurs will exist. They are scary, and hate you specifically.

Wild fighters exist, but they likely won't show up to fight you over every fossil. I imagine it would be very awkward and likely impossible trying to fossil battle in a tiny ass tunnel you dug out deep underground looking for fossils and ores. Fighters likely would spawn on the surface or in large enough caves. They might have their own ranks displayed above their heads so you know how strong their vivosaurs will be if you challenge them.

You would throw medals, and if you aren't aiming for something to fight, your vivosaur will come out and you can interact with it! If the vivosaur is large enough, it will even be rideable, no saddle necessary (and of course playing a jukebox will cause it to dance). Also if you happen to throw a medal into the void on accident it will automatically be returned to you.

I agree that cities and towns you find in the games can spawn. They'll only spawn in certain biomes, and they're probably on the rarer side. Example: Cranial City would only spawn in deserts and badlands, and not every desert or badlands you find will have Cranial City.

Zongazonga will have his own thing don't worry. He is like, the main big boss and he will affect your world in certain ways once he's spawned in.

Fossil digging sites could be cool, especially abandoned ones that are guarded by powerful rogues. There would likely be rarer fossils in these abandoned dig sites, and if you can defeat the rogues, they're all yours.

The Bonehemoth could be a mob that spawns in deeper parts of the ocean or in frozen oceans (VERY RARE SPAWN), and like you said, if you're too close to its mouth there's a chance it can teleport you to a special structure that will be it's insides. All the fossils you can find in here will be the same as the game, and you can fight both tonzilla and Robinson too.

[octarineblues]

ok im gonna make a list with my good omens post season 2 immediate thoughts, (making separate posts is just not sustainable for now). so to sum up, with az and crowley thoughts first:

i hope crowley and aziraphale are doing alright 😭 in my head they are

Let Crowley Have a Nice Nap and A Cuddle

seriously, someone give this demon a break, he was doing his best the whole time and things just kept piling up. for az too, but crowley was much more aware of his emotions throughout this whole thing, it must have been exhausting

i think az's decision made sense for him, we as fans are just used to seeing good omens heaven in way less positive light. he's going to have such a bad time really soon :( (i hope fandom is being nice to az)

this season made crowley seem right a lot more than az in response to many different issues, especially in the miniepisodes. which is a choice, and i'm not sure how i feel about it, but crowley was right!! many, many times!! and it does show that az has a lot more to learn/accept about heaven, and prepares us for his final decision. so it makes perfect sense but i wish things were different aaa

(its also that there was a lot of time between hiob & between the resurectionists & the 1941 theatre one and you could see less development in az's characyer that i could hope for. and crowley's character too - he seemed to be doing relatively well from the start. i guess it makes sense if you want to tell the stories while keeping their charavters consistent with first season, but.)

(also, i am obsessed with the Job episode, more about it later)

that time when az says he's going to protect gabriel till the end!! yesss

also - crowley was pinning hard this whole time, it was so angsty, i feel so bad for him

the way crowley warms up to gabriel is actually so touching

but he was so angry sometimes it was almost difficult to watch, i think it was a good reminder that crowley is a demon, actually

why was crowley homeless??

you were right you were right i was wrong you were right 🎵🎶

crowley is so good with protecting the humans, he just does that instinctively a lot of times

tbh crowley's modern look is pretty fucking good. and his heaven look. obsessed.

i will be projecting so much on crowley

bonus: A FEZ

ok and now everything else:

this whole season was so queer 🧡

maggie and nina grow with the season as characters and as friends/pre-relationship couple and i love them so much

nina being the only person to recognise how weird everyone was being was so funny and so good and i am in love (platonic)

maggie is also amazing and her giving the finger(s) to the demons was an absolute delight

many mixed feelings about shax, but her banter is spot on

im not sure how confident i am about uriel's bookkeeping skills but she's delightful

the jane austen gag was perfect

im sure this has been said many times, but gabriel x beelzebub shippers from 2019, how do you feel?

hiob minisode:

absolutely obsessed, love that they used it

god seemed different than in first season but closer to what i understood god to be like from the book

the book of hiob (and the song dzieci hioba by kaczmarski) was right there at the beginning of my own experience with learning how to question/criticise the church so i am. of course not being objective about the episode. but it feels so personal. it's weird that it happened twice.

az eating made me so uncomfortable 😶 i think i know where they were going with it? but i did not like watching it

hiob's kids were pretty spoiled (especially ty tennant), in the book of hiob as i understand they were supposed to be as good as their dad. which is a strange hang up of me to have? but here we ar

now, good lady, simply turn to your husband, reach into his robes... h-higher - SITIS

the kid who was like, can i be a blue lizard? absolute mood. im glad she got her wish

ok thats it for now? i think? i hope its understandable, its well after after midnight for me. here's gonna be more Thoughts tomorrow, most likely, and might one day make them into proper posts even?

overall, i loved this season so much! (also, i think im gonna rewatch the whole thing very soon)

[davestriderascend]

the homestuck reread, pt 6

ive finished it. the main comic, anyway. theres still all the bonus content to slog through and the postcanon stuff, but i finished the main comic, and you know what? i think thats a feat enough all on its own. so heres the recap of the end, from act 6 act 6, on.

heres the previous recap, and heres the first one if youre new.

act 6 act 6s intermissions and subacts works according to similar rules as act 6 acts 1-5. the acts are short and all about homosuck (excepting the last one), while the intermissions are where literally everything else is happening. that said,

Act 6 Act 6 Act 1

this is the beginning of homosuck. its just, absolutely classic homosuck. at the end, caliborn corrupts the game file, creating the glitches that plague most of the a6a6 intermissions. homosuck is, of course, fucking hilarious and meta and the stupid art style lives rent free in my brain and i find myself drawing in it constantly. basically, i had a good time. theres not much else to say.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1

we pick up where we last left off with the introduction of grimbark jade, crockertier jane, and hics plot. the kids have been split up among the planets, and roxy and jake are in jail. john is struggling to control his retcon powers, and hops around time and space mucking things up, while jade tries to chase him down. this is where the big character selection screens and unclickable characters joke really gets going.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 2

this is the section of homosuck where john teleports himself into the narrative and bitches a lot about how much it sucks.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 2

this is where things start building up to game over. aranea inserts herself into the narrative. jake goes ultra hope mode. jade dies. jake dies, but gets better. terezi beats the shit out of gamzee. jade joins callie in the furthest ring, and jane might too? idk. tbh, intermissions 1-3 kind of blend for me. which is obviously bc theyre a part of one big overarching narrative.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 3

this is the part of homosuck with the animes. this also may have had some kind of impact on how i doodled growing up. this is also the part where john beats caliborn up. the act ends with the game over animation, which leads directly into the following intermission with no real clear separation between them.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 3

this is the part where everyone dies. well, the intermission as its marked on the hs map is literally just condy killing aranea, mostly, but the game over animation leading up to it kills everybody. john is the sole survivor.

The Characters

i think here, therefore, is where i must give my final thoughts on the pre-retcon versions of characters. dave and karkat are a lot closer than i remembered- i thought we as a fandom kind of made that shit up? but they are, in fact, besties. jakes crybaby breakdown in these three intermissions is.... well theres a lot to unpack around jakes ideas of masculinity and how hes sexualized and smarter people than me have done it, so i probably wont. otherwise idk that i have like, super coherent thoughts that are worth getting into.

on the whole, the pre-retcon versions are more dysfunctional, more insecure, and more toxic in their relationships. they dont spend as much time with each other as they mean to, they dont look out for each other as much as they wish they had, and theyre all so insecure all the time about everything, especially the meteor crew.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 4

caliborns tablet is broken, and so hes back to his shitty straight line doodles. the whole act is literally just him bitching and moaning about how hard his life is as a pitiable little guy.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 4

this is the one where terezi tells john how to go back in time and fix everything. roxy and john both make deals with their denizens to survive, which means that all other versions of john and roxy will die in every other timeline. roxy has a funeral for rose, vriska and meenah start dating and sort of give up on all of their plans, and terezi and john pitchflirt a lot. this is also the act where jane and jade hang out w calliope and talk about what happened before they woke up w her.

The Characters

something i thought was worth noting is that in this intermission, both jade and jane confess that grimbark and crockertier essentially removed their consciences and allowed them to follow through on thoughts or desires they usually wouldnt express- meaning a lot of the nasty things they say are their actual feelings, deep down. theyre both really ashamed of it all, particularly because they meant the things they said. i think reviewing these sections of hs will be really important for character analysis relating to the two of them.

we also learn that roxy just like. really likes funerals, for some reason. it feels like a mirror of dave, and daves interest in dead things.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 5

this is the claymation homosuck, that tells the story of the juju said to defeath le and how le came to be. this is also where that big stupid animation involving illuminati and le's timeilne comes from.

i remember when homestuck ended that whole juju thing was like, the BIGGEST plothole left behind that made everyone nuts. how did they get in the juju??? DID they defeat le??? how did they get to a point where they could do that?? when tf did they all go back in time and fight caliborn like that??? the epilogue tried to answer these questions, but with how much success is largely up for debate.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5

vriskagram. this is the part with all of those reunion conversations, with the plans to take out the bosses, with the sprite prototypings, with meenah and (vriska)s breakup, with tavros assembling an army, with the pre retcon terezi and vriska finding each other in the afterlife, with caliborn approaching his denizen, with jade, jane, and callie finding alt callie and waking up (callie coming back to life), and with the kids splitting off into groups to finally take on the bosses. everything right up until collide is right here.

The Characters

i have to comment on this. post-retcon, the kids are so much more... mellowed out. theyre in healthier, stable relationships, theyve matured a lot, they talk through their problems, and the nature of the act in general is such that the jokes take a backseat to genuine feelings and reunions and elaborating on relationships weve been waiting to see the payoffs for for ages. its setting up for closure, and it makes the following act hit so much harder for sure.

in retrospect, i think this is probably part of the reason so many people were averse to the epilogues. i genuinely dont think the tone of the epilogues is significantly different from early hoemstuck, its classically hussie in a way that i never questioned reading it for the first time, possibly bc in addition to reading hs i had in fact also read ps, jb, and bq, so id just been exposed to more of it. i also revisited logs a lot, and i think most people didnt. instead, their last and strongest memories of hs was this incredibly sincere, sweet act, which is really a MASSIVE outlier.

anyway, things that i thought were of note: jake hates crowds. not only is he really uncomfortable, but roxy backs this up by commenting on how reluctant he was to spend time w the whole group in their session, and john makes a similar comment about jades gpa liking his space so much that he moved to an island.

dave tells dirk that he hasnt told anyone else about his bro and never would, including karkat by name. he feels that dirk is the only one he really can talk to about it, and the only reason he spoke to dirk about it in the first place is bc dirks existence is just uniquely distressing enough to trigger a breakdown where he blurts it out. also on the topic of dave, i think dave first mentions paleontology pre-retcon, rather uncertainly, as something he could have gotten into but never did, to the point where hes not even sure if paleontology is the right word to describe his interest. as the comic goes on, he seems to become more confident in asserting that he wouldve liked to become a paleontologist.

callie, terezi, and jade all struggle with feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, either because they feel that they have no purpose, because they feel empty somehow, or because they feel secondary to an alternate self.

despite dvekat """""officially"""""" getting together in post-canon content, theyre alluded to being together in this act, with terezi and vriska stating that theyve settled into some kind of quadrant, japrose saying karkat has a matesprit, and daves intense aversion to answering any questions about romance, suggesting that he may be in a relationship and too embarrassed to talk about it. theres room for debate, i guess, but it really read to me like they were already together and just quiet asf about it.

anyway my favorite conversation in this act is by far the one between roxy, rose, and kanaya, and rather than even say shit about any of them i am just going to insist that you (by which i mean future me, probably) give it a reread bc its the best.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 6

collide. easily my FAVORITE flash animation in homestuck. i actually still have my old shirt that has the collide frame of dad punching through the brick, though its so full of holes ill have to repurpose it now. the rest of the act is everyone meeting up post battle and getting ready to receive the reward. ngl this act made me legit cry its just. SO good. the fraymotifs are awesome and the battle feels difficult and long without being boring, and there are so many genuine moments of emotional sincerity mixed in with punchy, exciting scenes. its just great, and the art is fantastic. i have a new pfp locked and loaded, believe it.

Act 7

act 7 is a single animation wherein alt calliope blows up the green sun, the universe tadpole becomes a frog, vriska and the ghost army unleash the second weapon, caliborn defeats his denizen and gains his le powers, wv and pm toss the rings in a volcano, and we get a preview of how earth c has developed.

the animation in this act is gorgeous. god, its so fucking stunning. the movement is so smooth, and the particle effects were really impressive. also, the tadpole was so cute.

Credits/Snapchat

theyre fucking cute. there isnt much to say, because there isnt much there. the last little plot mess with jane and the moon exploding has never made sense to me and likely never will. i get headaches trying to figure out why hussie released these if they wanted to also release the epilogues, given that they directly contradict each other more often than not. moving on.

Final Albums

during all of this time, no albums were released. however, directly after the end of hs, three were.

Collide

collide was previously my favorite album. what can i say? the music goes hard. yes its just the songs that are in the collide animation, but who cares, and also go fuck yourself. i am a really big fan of oppa toby style and just how fucking. fundamentally toby it is, god. however, heir of grief is literally my favorite homestuck song in existence period. its so bittersweet and yet the sound is so full and and the ups and downs of it are just really potent. plus, guitar is my favorite instrument and i really like the guitar in this :)

Act 7

its literally just the singular song used for the act 7 animation. i mean, its a good song. but it is literally just one song. weird that they gave it its own album tbh.

Vol 10

MY NEW. FAVORITE. ALBUM. there is not a single solitary miss on here. reading through the track commentary, its obvious that this album was created to be an ode to the end of homestuck, to show how far weve really come. it remixes so many classics, and for many of the artists who worked on this album, it was a chance to revisit stuff theyd done before and show how much theyd grown since they started out. every single song is so full, moving and beautiful and breathtaking. its the most polished album by far. i dont think i can pick a favorite song because theyre all so good. the album also wraps up in the most perfect and bittersweet way, and its just. ugh. this was such a perfect way to end.

Final Thoughts

it holds up. i mean, yeah, it has its fucking problems. however, hussie manages to capture the feelings of being a teen growing up on the internet so fucking well, and no one, ever, has written young girls like hussie has. i cannot think of a single comparable female cast in anything. there are so many really potent and genuinely touching moments alongside so many hysterical ones, and you know? i think we really forget how ahead of its time hs was in terms of gay rep.

hs was the first time i ever saw a gay couple get together in media. it was the first time i ever saw two guys kiss. it was the first time i ever saw a nonbinary character! rose and kanaya started flirting in the first few acts, and they not only survived until the end, but got married and raised an entire generation of kids. never before had i ever found myself shipping a queer couple that became canon. so its always gonna hold a special place in my heart, really.

but yeah, against all odds, i actually really enjoyed my reread. there were some rough moments, in terms of like, major bigotry hussie has and wrote in, but overwhelmingly its easy to remember why this had such a stranglehold on my life for like. idk, five fucking years? more?

my opinions have shifted around some, though, as ive gotten older.

i think, on my first read, my favorites list wouldve looked like this:

the kids: dave was my favorite, unequivocally. i think ive mentioned this before, but i imprinted on him instantly like a baby bird. i was inexplicably obsessed with davesprite and abro, also, to the point where i liked them even more. i think dirk and his splinters were favorites of mine mostly just because i viewed them as dave 2, the sequel. i liked john a lot while reading, but lost interest as the comic went on (i regained that interest much later). i always liked rose and roxy, but a large portion of that was due to their relationship to the striders.

the trolls: i imprinted on vriska instantly. she felt like the answer to the rep id been searching for my whole life. there has never been another female character like her, and there may never be again. i have always loved her and i will defend her to the death, however, after finishing my read, i never did engage w much fancontent. sollux was another early favorite of mine, though he was in hs so little that my passion sort of faded with enough time. karkat, conversely, grew on me progressively, starting as a character i was indifferent about and becoming probably my favorite troll. i was pretty attached to eridan, and violently outgrew a brief gamzee apologism phase. i liked kanaya, but she grew on me even more with time, as did aradia. equius i discovered a sudden passion for years after reading the comic for the first time.

dancestors/ancestors/guardians: ugh. ugh. i dont even remember my favorite dancestor. i dont wanna think about it. i was really fixated on them but moreso than liked them i think i just hated everything everyone had to say about them and had to be right always. my favorite ancestors were psii, dualscar, and the sufferer, and i dont want to even talk about the shipping i was up to. my favorite guardians were very obviously the bros. goes w/o saying.

carapacians: i thought droog was the coolest mc member for some reason, and itchy and crowbar were my favorite felt members. could NOT tell you why. ar and wv were my favorite exiles. i think i just thought ars little outfit was sick. i dont have toe xplain why i liked wv, everyone likes him.

pesterlogs: i recall once claiming that The convo between hal and dirk was my favorite. i also know i was a very big fan of anything erisol said ever (and sollux, similarly). however, i dont think i had one.

ships: i was a really hardcore drkjake shipper (all splinters included) while i was reading, which branched into an interest in johndve with enough time. i got big into just about every combination of eridan, sollux, karkat, and dave (sprites included), except solkt, and eventually i got rlly into aradve, dvejake, and jhnhal/johndrk. i am censoring to keep myself out of the tags. i think, in most recent years (prior to my reread), my faves were eridve, dvekat, and jhnhal?

current fave list, post reread:

kids: rose. rose rose rose. i adore her so much. roxy is a close second. there was a moment where i prefered jake over roxy, in those really early a6 acts, but she came right back in strong and reminded me why i adored her so much. hal is also very high up there. not dirk- just hal, because all of his conversations are literally so funny. john is great and i love him, my feelings about him really havent changed at all. the striders on a whole were a lot less interesting to me on my reread, though, and now theyre the characters im mostly just invested in for their connection to the lalondes. ive conquered whatever toxic masculinity i was battling when i first read hs and come out loving wizards. feminism wins.

trolls: vriska remains the og. she is still iconic. no one is doing it like her. i wont suffer argument. sollux is also still fucking incredible. my feelings about both of them havent changed in the slightest. kanaya was one of my faves this reread, and i think i really just didnt appreciate her the first time. she has such a great dry wit, and there are so many really cute, very touching moments with her. i think other than those three, i have discovered a new love and respect for equius and nepeta. i am still probably not normal about eridan. karkat, like the striders, was less interesting to me this go around. i still like them, dont get me wrong, just not as passionately as before.

dancestors/ancestors/guardians: my favorite guardian is johns dad (and also janes, bc theyre like, the same person). johns relationship w his dad is just so important to me. i couldnt give LESS of a shit about the ancestors. ive outgrown it. im different. im better now. but unofrtunately, kankri is...... sighs. probably my favorite dancestor now. hes just. so fucking funny. pray for me.

carapacians: jack is the best, period. dunno how i ever thought differently. cd is probably my second fav mc member now, just cuz hes a funny little dude. crowbar is my fave felt member bc hes the only interesting one, ig? but i dont care that much. wv is my favorite exile.

pesterlogs: every single convo between hal and jake was my new favorite for a long time, basically, up until that roxy rose and kanaya convo came up out of the blue and smashed that to pieces. definitely my favorite. its like, the perfect culmination of all of the things i love about all of them, all in one place. however, honorary mentions go to vriskas speech about being a hero, which has lived in my brain rent free since the first time i read it, and also probably The conversation between dirk and hal, bc lets be real it is pretty sick.

collide is my favorite flash animation by far, heir of grief is my favorite song, and vol 10 is my favorite album, as ive mentioned

ships: i am now an insanely hardcore haljke fan. that is most of whats come out of this tbh. i still think eridve is hilarious for no real reason i can explain, and halqius rules. arquius<>davepeta i also have strong feelings about suddenly. pay absolutely no attention to the fact that these are 75% hal ships he is just really shippable ok. butyeah mostly when ive freshly read something iactually. dont care that much about ships? that tends to come later, with too much time spent in the fandom. im sure ill be obsessive about some roxy or rose ship in a year from now

but yeah i think. those are all of my thoughts for now!! and i will just continue to chug my way through the bonus content, and probably make recaps about those eventually. if you read all of these thanks for coming along on this wild little ride. i am genuinely SHOCKED i finished the main comic in less than a month. and relieved, also.

[cedarbranch]

for the fanfic writer ask meme: 2-4, 30-35, 41-50, and 77!

wheee thank u!! this is so many omg (/pos) definitely putting these under a cut lol

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

when DOESN'T this happen honestly... most recently, steve's mom insisted that she MUST make an appearance in my stranger things wip, but the first instance of this happening on a dramatic scale was wayyyyy back when i was writing my frerard ghost au. frank decided to have more significant Issues than i originally intended which ended up with me rewriting half the fic from scratch (which now i do more often than not)

3. on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

hmmm... 9! i love romance :) i love writing Romance As Exploration. figuring out what makes characters tick, then how and why they'd make each Other tick. i do struggle with writing entirely romance-centric stories though, it tends to be one plot thread out of many

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

jeeeez... there are SO many ideas i've written and then abandoned... keeping it to ones i actually intend to finish, it's gotta be my pacific rim chance-meeting fic, but part 5 of magnolia 'verse comes as a very close second! i think about it constantly. i know exactly why i haven't written it yet: it's partially because... i HAVE written part of it (i rewrote the same 20k of the intro 5 fucking times), and also because after those 5 times i lost the hyperfixation and have been caught up in other fandoms ever since. still Thinking About It though.

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

i'm not gonna hunt down the exact quote, but there's a post floating around here disparaging the idea of going to an art museum and saying "i could do that!" in an insulting way because yeah - you could! the only difference between the artist in the museum and you is the fact that they Did and you Didn't. that concept was big for me. it's a great reminder that nothing i do has to be perfect, i just have to make it Exist. the first step to being a writer is words on the page

31. tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write?

oh that's so tough, i have so many i love writing!! in terms of who makes me giggle and kick my feet the most, though, gotta be eddie in my stranger things wip or newt geiszler. love me a character who is an Annoying Little Shit On Purpose

32. do characters influence your writing style?

i would say less characters and more the source material itself. i'm someone who likes to match character/narrative voices as closely as possible, so the way i write dialogue obviously reflects that and changes from fandom to fandom. it's not always super noticeable, but i think it shows the most when i'm writing pacific rim or hannibal. (writing hannibal fic is its own beast, that's the only one that's really changed my entire approach to writing and not just dialogue)

33. do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

they inform one another so closely it's hard to separate them! i guess the first inklings of plot are where it begins, and then the characters generate what the rest of it looks like.

34. how do you name characters and places?

most of the time i don't have to bc i'm primarily writing fic ❤️ but on those rare occasions when i'm writing original fiction, it's purely based on vibes.

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

literally any character i'm invested in. i'm always most compelled by characters who are very much unlike me, especially the bitter angry types. right now it's will graham :3 i love RIGHTEOUS RAGE yay yippeee!!!

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

hmmm. quite possibly the crack fic i wrote for tma where jon is confronted with the horrors of homestuck. (IN MY DEFENSE: WAS NOT ACTUALLY MY IDEA, WAS WRITTEN AT A FRIEND'S REQUEST, but i did make it exist).

42. describe the aesthetic of a story in 5 words.

ough this is Hard. i can give a bad 5-word summary of a fic, but its aesthetic? let me give it a shot for the hannigram wip: bloody knuckles, sick with yearning

43. how did writing change you?

got me a girlfriend :)

serious answer: i am always thinking about craft when interacting with any kind of written art. i deconstruct, i nitpick, i analyze. sometimes it's criticizing bad writing from a place of love (as with stranger things), sometimes i'm frustrated by what could've been done much better (THE MAGICIANS!!), sometimes i'm just in awe of the skill of the creators (succession, hannibal).

44. any writing advice you want to share?

for fic writers: don't stop reading actual books!!

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

three is too few!! i'll just say i'm currently rockin with emungere and zipegs, and always w my gf @stoplightglow :)

46. what time are you the most productive when it comes to writing?

hmmm. late evening, maybe?

47. what story are you most proud of?

in terms of completed works, moth to light. for my entire body of work including what's yet unfinished, my hannigram wip! (it'll have a title... eventually)

48. do you reread your own stories?

oh absolutely. partially just because it's fun, but mostly as a learning exercise! it's helpful to get some distance from a fic and then go back and see how reading it feels compared to how writing it felt. gives me a sense of whether my intentions came across how i meant them to in the end. also lets me identify some of the flaws i'd like to work on!

49. do you want to be published some day?

i don't really know! i used to want to be a novelist once i'd "gotten good enough" by practicing with fic, but i've since realized that fic and original fiction are very different skill sets and i'm just not as interested in writing original work. i do have a few short pieces that i'd like to finish one day and i hope they'd be publishable but it's sooo intimidating to have a partner who actually is a successfully published author and get a firsthand look at how much rejection and persistence it involves :'D i think i'd like to give it a shot when i'm ready, whenever that is. maybe for poetry too!

50. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

i plan obsessively. my planning documents are pages and pages of outlining, character notes, snippets of scenes i want to write, etc. but to be fair the actual act of writing once i sit down to it is whatever springs to my mind, the story often takes off and guides itself into deeper levels of nuance from there

77. how do you write kissing scenes?

ummm. they're kinda formulaic in my work tbh which is smth i want to change... i do think my kiss scenes are improving as the rest of my writing improves, though! there's one in the hannigram wip i'm pretty fond of. will kisses hannibal and then punches him in the face ❤️ for the second time that evening

[unknownjpegs]

the reason

In the crowd, Xavier is the tallest. Which is not surprising—he always is. He’s so easy to spot too, because of that shock of red hair that is half flattened with sweat, half fluffed up because Matilda’s hand had slipped through it affectionately. They’re both jumping to the tempo of the music, which is fast, hard and grating. Not Lark’s brand, really, which was why he’d found himself on the outside, on a higher platformed area where he could finally get himself water.

Xavier’s arms slip around Matilda’s waist, lift her up in a hug while her hands shoot up into the air. Tangle above her, head tilted back in excitement. They’re a good pair, especially for dancing. Neither have to compromise their heights.

Lark sips the luke warm bottled water and tries to feel a smidge of jealousy. Like it should be there, watching an attractive man hold his girlfriend so tightly. Watching her look so happy. But he can’t. Scrapes around his insides and tries to find it hiding, but it truly isn’t there. Instead, its a warm spread of affection across his chest. It’s nice, actually, watching two people he loves so much look so carelessly excited.

He feels a hand on his elbow, cupping it and glances to find Benji, whose slipped the hood of his sweatshirt up. Little tendrils of all those crazy black curls poke out and he looks, frankly, like he needs the break outside. Mouse must have separated off him, gone to find Ewan and bother him instead—they’re like that at the beginning of a tour. Always sort of drifting around until they inevitably bump together, when they maybe shouldn’t. Lark will find a way to tug Ewan safely out her grip if he needs it. Thinks, probably, that he likes being enclosed around all her sharp claws.

Benji is always tired at the beginning of tours. They start here, in the US and Lark has tried to change that. The few they did in Europe always had Benji on the right foot, but it isn’t like that a lot of the time. He’s coming all the way over here, adjusting a sleep schedule that’s five hours off—and frankly, probably doesn’t sleep better at home anyway. Lark remembers when they’d first met—younger, smaller, both thinner and a little stringy and exhausted. So much fun, he remembers. They’d had so much fun, with that little notebook of Benji’s lyrics and a drum to figure out a tempo.

Outside? Lark mouths, over the loud, bass heavy music that’s threatening his ear drums. Benji gives a little head jerk to the side door to the club before his eyes briefly wander into the crowd. Xavier and Matilda are still there, wrapped up in all that pleasant, carefree bliss. They’ve probably split a tab between them. They’ll dance until they pass out if someone (himself) doesn’t intervene. It’s okay though, for now, because it’s only the first leg of the tour, barely in. They should use all their energy they still have.

Benji’s gaze is focused for a minute (has been focused on Xavier more than once, even if those few interactions between them have read stilted, awkward, maybe weird) until Lark circles a finger into his belt loop and starts tugging them away from the loudness and the closeness of strangers.

—

“You don’t hate me, right?” Lark sits on the curb with his hands behind him, braced on dirty pavement. The club’s music is loud enough it’s a little undercurrent of bass. Untiss untiss untissi over and over in the vibrations of the ground. He can’t let himself get too distracted by it, or he might start making music in his head. It’s easy when Benji is there too—they make music, together, too easily.

“For?” Benji snorts, striking his lighter a few times. Hasn’t actually lit a cigarette yet. He’s not a chain smoker, but Lark worries about those lungs sometimes. The drummer sits beside him, legs bent and his elbows on them. Opposite positions entirely. Lark kicks his foot a little.

“It was fucked,” Lark says. “Canceling mid tour. Never really apologized for it.”

The lighter clicks a few more times until Benji finally hovers the flame under his cigarette. He puffs a little to get the cherry red and then shoves the lighter into his pocket. He takes a long drag and shoots the smoke into the air. Lark reaches over and yanks the hood of his sweatshirt down so that Benji will look over at him.

“You could hate me for it. Really, I wouldn’t be mad.”

“Don’t hate you, Lark.” Benji grins, uses a thumb to tuck back all his long curls behind an ear. He’d let it grown between the last tour that Lark had abandoned and this new one. “Had your reasons, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Lark agrees. He sighs out, runs a hand up over his face and into the freshly dyed blond hair Matilda had given him. Purple conditioner, she’d chastised, putting it in his hands. Don’t fuck up my dye job, before kissing him softly. He thinks about her and Xavier, how happy he looked with those colorful lights all over his pale face, of Matilda, when Lark had received that phone call from Tess—I need your help, Lark. I really need your help. He notices Benji’s finger tapping on his knee, a little distracting rhythm.

“It was for Xavier,” Lark says. The finger pauses. Benji takes another drag, pinching brows before he looks over again. The smoke makes him look ethereal and strange in the dark alleyway, a little halo of it around his head. “Sorry—I promised him I wouldn’t talk about it. Just,” Lark folds his hands together, almost nervously, wrings them a few times and then throws them up in the air.

“What d’you mean, was for him?” Benji flicks the cigarette butt out into the darkness, a little arc of pale red that lands and kicks up embers a little. It sizzles in a puddle and dies, short lived.

“Remember, I was kicked out at sixteen.”

“Yeah.”

“I told you, I moved in with a friend’s family.”

“Right.”

Lark raises his hands, gestures to the club they’re sitting outside of. The song has changed to something even faster paced. He can just picture the way Xavier shakes his head, dog like and excite, the way Matilda will dance with her arms in a way that makes Lark’s chest ache. Benji’s head swivels toward it and then back, pointing to it and then to Lark, who nods and gestures again.

“No shit?”

“He has three sisters,” Lark laughs, brushing a hand back through coarse, fluffy dyed hair. “And—dunno. They took me in so easily. So fucking quickly. Like—I’ve never—you know me. I don’t—I haven’t even talked to my parents and—well.” Lark’s hands wrung together again. He stared at the little tattoo of a smily face on his thumb, half worn off. Benji had done it so long ago. First year of knowing him. Xavier’s first year in the marines.

Lark doesn’t like talking about his family with Benji. Not because Benji isn’t good—he is. The times he’d been to the UK, had sat around that big family dinner table and eaten home cooked food from a mother with so much love, had been some of the best times of his life. But, there was a distance here, that was hard to broach. To be someone, from a family, who did not contact you, unless maybe for money, maybe for an argument, sitting beside someone whose family loved them—Lark rubs his chin on his shoulder and looks at Benji.

If Benji slid between Xavier and Matilda, also laughing, also smiling, also dancing, Lark could put his arms around three people he loved so much. That’s all that matters, really. Not the differences. Just the love.

“Xavier’s a marine—was, a marine, I guess.” Lark puts a curled fist against Benji’s side, his smile turning sad. “The truck he was in went over a mine. It broke three of his ribs, right there.” Lark pushes the fist a few times. Benji glances down to it.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he says quietly. “Like—a real fucking mine?”

“Yeah. Split the truck in half—they all made it, but. I mean, like really broken.” Lark clears his throat and lets his fist drop. “Like, broken so bad he couldn’t re-up his contract.” There’s a swell of silence between them. “He’s been in the marines since he was eighteen.” Was, he reminds himself. Was in the marines since he was eighteen. Because now, he’s not—now he’s drifting along. Inside a club with Lark’s girlfriend.

“Uhm,” Lark continues, looking upward instead of at Benji. “Anyway, when he got home—” He pauses, feeling like he’s betraying Xavier a little but, if there’s someone whose going to get it, despite the differences (a mother who holds his face and kisses his forehead, makes him food, a sister that calls to say hello and not ask for money) Lark also knows a veteran’s story will hit home for Benji. Will make sense to him. Pain understood. Unfortunately.

“When he got home, he was in really bad shape. Like, real bad. They let him recover on base, but he couldn’t stay there any longer. Tess picked him up. Tess is his oldest sister.” He can visualize her in his head. Tall, willowy, a buzzed head because she was hardcore like that. Really fucking cool, inspirational, someone who had gasped when he’d sung for the first time and said, dude, you could be famous. And he thinks of her big, green eyes rimmed red and watery when she’d answered the door.

Lark also remembers having to pause a conversation with Xavier, because his nose had started bleeding; because he’d come home hitting every vice he could as hard as he could. Sex, drugs, alcohol, whatever he could get his hands on. He’d dropped weight rapidly, with permanent black marks under his eyes, pale in a way that was not the traditional Wolffe trait, but a lack of everything good. Lark shivers, rises his shoulders up, ignores the vision of Xavier looking so fucking dead that swims up to greet him.

“S’alright, Lark,” Benji says quietly, pulling him out of that memory. “Don’t have to tell me more.” He says it, not like, stop talking, but genuinely. Don’t have to explain what really bad shape meant. There were some things that didn’t need details. And Lark doesn’t want to give them. Likes this version of Xavier everyone is getting. Maybe he’s awkward, bumbling through social interactions, clumsy like when he suddenly hit six-foot-three in high school. But those real dark marks under his eyes are gone, more color’s in his palette and his red hair isn’t flat and lifelessly sweaty clung to his temples.

Lark scoots closer. He slings an arm around Benji’s waist. Rests his cheek to the man’s shoulder.

“I want you guys to get along,” he says quietly. “Everyone to get along with him—it’s easy. Swear. He’s real easy to get along with. I didn’t—I wasn’t going to tell anyone, because I don’t want people to blame him for me canceling the tour.” Lark’s eyes narrow in a glare, like someone already has, like someone might. “I would do it again, in a fucking heart beat. So—dunno. Everyone can be mad at me.”

“No ones mad at you, Lark,” Benji says, knocking their bodies together softly. “Or him. Well,” he sucks his teeth and glances over at Lark. “Mouse, but she’s—”

“Mouse,” Lark agrees, nodding as he slowly rises up from the ground. He holds his hand out so Benji can get a grip and be lifted, but as he does, two long, tall red heads stumble through the door. They both laugh, loudly splitting the air with the sound. Xavier’s long arm is strung around Matilda’s shoulder and her hand cups his side—right over those fucking broken ribs. Lark jerks a little and Benji comes up stumbling.

“We can’t find Mouse,” Matilda explains, jumping from the raised up area by the door and crossing to Lark. Her hands slip up his sides, bringing their bodies close together. She’s in heels, because Matilda has never once cared that she’s taller than him—and he loves that she is as much as he loves that she doesn’t fucking care. So unapologetically her. Makes it easy to kiss her exposed collarbone too, taste the sweat on her skin from dancing. One of her hands brushes back hair from his forehead.

“She’s on the bus,” Benji says. “With Ewan.” Which has enough meaning that Lark wrinkles his nose.

Xavier has paused himself by the door, not joining them yet. His hands are slid into his pockets, his head tilted a little, shoulders round. Lark’s glad he’s still smiling at least, even if it’s more subdued out in the dark alleyway. He finally slips forward, lands gracefully to the asphalt with just a little bend of his knees. Hands still in his pockets, impressive as ever. So effortless athletic, even with those little broken ribs.

Lark glances at Benji, who has slid the hood back up. Xavier has taken tentative, bashful steps toward him. It’s cold out—he probably needs a jacket. Lark has to stop worrying. His hand brushes over Matilda’s thigh, back around to cup her ass and grin up at her.

“Let’s go interrupt. Ewan probably needs saving,” he explains. Her long arms sit around his shoulders and her perfect eyebrow arches. Lark furrows his, lips quirked in a sideways smile. She says, oooooooh in her facial expression and he says yeeeeeahhh in his and then he dances backward with her. He refuses to look to see if Xavier had made any more shy steps toward his friend.

—

Xavier does. Takes little steps considering his long legs, takes a black curl in his hand and tugs it a little. He can smell nicotine and sweat and Benji, who looks at him, under a flickering outdoor lamp thats yellow and barely illuminating. He feels Benji’s hand slide up over his side, the one that had nearly cracked him in half and shivers a little at the feeling. His own hand slides over that arm, pushes sweatshirt fabric back to expose skin that he can touch and feel under the pads of his fingertips.

There’s a buzz in his skull from the little half a tablet he’d taken, it mostly worn out of his system and he’d been smart not to mix it with any alcohol either. Something promoted some level of sobriety—liked feeling the music, not getting washed under it. Liked remembering the day after, when he used to like forgetting every detail about the day prior.

Before he can lean any further down, he looks up and presses his lips together, struggling not to laugh. It comes out wheezing and squeaky and Benji looks absolutely confused.

“There’s graffiti of that Dragon Balls guy being pegged by Sailor Moon on the wall directly behind us, Benji.” He feels Benji’s arms winding up around his shoulders as he looks at the crude paint. His eyes flick back to meet his, feels instantly drowned in them. “It’s drawn really well.” He mumbles before he feels their lips connecting. His hands find a familiar place at Benji’s ribs, holds them, tugs their bodies closer. He can feel a heart beat under his palm, or he’s imagining it, but it is the most soothing rhythm he’s ever felt.

They stand there, kissing like that, for a long moment.

Xavier’s never actually met someone he could just kiss. His hands shove at the sweatshirt to push out Benji’s hair and then they part enough for his to shove his nose to Benji’s temple and laugh, because he’s tall and hunched over him and their close. So close. So warm.

[bubblegum-blackwood]

writer's asks!

✨ What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

🌈 is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/ theme you struggled with?

✨ What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I DON'T KNOW I LOVE ALL MY FICS 😭😭😭 Do I say Killing Loneliness? Wolf Song? Little Vices? The Thirst? Forbidden Fruit? Blood and Hot Chocolate? I DON'T KNOW I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO TALK TO ME SSADFSASDFEWD

I've been thinking about The Thirst again so maybe I'll talk about that one. I really enjoyed it! Honestly I think it was my first time ever writing cunnilingus LMAO and I just think it's really fun! It's nice sometimes to get a reminder that this is meant to be horror, actually, and especially for vampires as fucking old as Avicus and Mael how much it separates you from your humanity over time. Plus I just think it's hot LOL. Nothing wrong with a good pwp every now and again!

but if you want to check out any of the other ones hey I won't complain lol

🌈 is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/ theme you struggled with?

Ooo hmmm let me think . . . I'm not sure . . . maybe Bus Stop? Or Silent Lamentations? You know what I'll talk about both.

It's actually a similar reason for both. I just spent SO LONG agonizing over what to even say, how to make it all flow, if I got the wording right, if I conveyed what I wanted to convey. Bus Stop, especially. It just took forever, I think because I wanted to get the Loustat dynamic right but I'm not as used to writing them and then adding in a role-play on top of it where they were putting on acts on top of it? There were just so many layers LMAO and I think it was a bit too ambitious but I really wanted to get it out for kink week so I pushed myself to just do the best I could. And with Silent Lamentations I must have rewritten the beginning section close to five times before it came out a way I was satisfied with! I still think I could have done more with that, but at that point I didn't know what else to do lmao.

[tollighophyne]

“Intuitive Messages From My Crush🦖”

Tarot Cards:

The World in Reverse, Temperance Upright, and Strength Upright.

My Dear your crush is interesting. I feel they're very honestly how they speak and act to you... but then again there's a lot that isn't really being shared... so I see why you worded your question how you did honestly. Even just looking at the Oracle cards... Infinite Blessing upright... but then Bountiful Harvest in reverse... the both mirror eachother but have completely different meanings and one is reversed... I see.

I had to pour a glass of wine at 11am but lets dive into this. Your crush is very reserved, very controlled (hopefully not controlling), and a little contradictory. I feel they are stable in life outside of romance and are at a loss because it's they either feel they aren't ready for a relationship or they do not know how one would fit into their life right now. They seem to be able the stability and balance and harmony they have crafted in their life and do not want something that will tip off ANYTHING... smooth sailing and naturally slides into place and doesn't disrupt ANYTHING basically... which is highly unreal lol. Honestly... they're either scared or need a little maturing. Even the most compatible relationship has movement or unbalancing moments time from time... especially in the beginning when you're learning eachothers dynamics and how to fit eachother into one another and making it work together.. I think they've been fucked pretty bad (not alot... just one or two really bad relationships is what im seeing) in the past and so this is why they are in this mindset. Do not get me wrong, it really does work for them currently but with you they aren't sure what to do. They know you guys would be a pretty strong, loyal, and overall compatible couple (The Strength Upright), and they understand and see how you both would communicate, respect each other, and both try your hardest to pull your own weights so no one sided anything (Temperance Upright), but they just aren't sure or feel ready right now. I feel they're really just trying to be as controlled and delicate with their lives current flow as possible. It has nothing to do with their attraction for you or chemistry... it's moreso a them thing honestly.

Ending Messages with Oracle:

#28 Bountiful Harvest Reversed and #17 Infinite Blessing Upright

Liek I said earlier... a little hypocritical but I can hear it a little better now. #28 adds to 10 and 2 and 8 separate say this is something they must 100% want and have been attracting and also this is something that wont be easy for them and their comfort as they have a lot of systems or control... it's giving someone with ODD/ADD needing their system a certain way or they need things to be a certain way before they can relax or do anything otherwise they have a meltdown and it's just so hard for them to see any type of good or reason. Their system or current way of living is very important to them but not just that... it literally is what is keeping them afloat if that makes sense. But they also understand this is something they have to make decision on. So again... they understand how compatible and well y'all would be together... but there's something more pressing on their mind and they have to figure out what they really need and want right now. #17 adds back to that hard working 8 and 1 and 7 seperate highlight that sense of self and sense of deep thought and putting the puzzle together. Give them time love and keep the dynamic what it is for now is my best advice. However if you feel you do not wantt o wait on them or wait on them fovever THAT'S VALID LOVE but that's their message for you.