#this song is so matt coded

[lvrsparadise]

"It must've been some kind of kiss. I should've walked away, I should've walked away"

[http-byler]

our final night alive.

[lights-on-the-ridge]

Rainbow Kitten Surprise is so Daredevil

[cinnamon-phrog]

do you have any songs that remind you of your f/os? just like, weirdly specific things that only you could hear and think "yup that's them"

Sorry to get to this so late, but I do!

I've had these playlists for a while but I recently revamped them to go was this ask- I see these guys in almost any song but these ones especially!

[ziracona]

One of the best literary tropes of all time is ‘two people who deeply loved and respected and still love and respect each other are pushed and pulled and/or run further and further in opposite directions on issues critical to both of them until they end up inexorably caught in a worsening and worsening torrent of “I still love you and trust you and need you to be okay, but you’re making yourself my enemy, and we are rapidly running out of ways this could end; please, please listen to me before it’s too late,” until it is, but even then, the hand shakes on the gun.

[sunshinetrinket]

tread on me by matt maeson is so c!wilbur coded

[siredtosturniolos]

drunk in love

paring: matt sturniolo x reader

summary: you and matt have been best friends for years, so what happens when you’re at a party and decide to confess your feelings for him?

warnings: mentions of drinking/being drunk, making out, sexual tension. (part 2 in the works ;)

“i need to call matt,” you whined desperately to your friends as you leaned against the bathroom sink. following girl code, when one of you needed to use the restroom, the rest followed in order to stay safe.

“you can’t call matt right now.” your friend laughed, turning away from you as she dried off her hands. you didn’t like this response so you quickly pulled out your phone, and exited the bathroom.

ignoring your friends yelling after you, you stumble down the hallway and making your way down the stairs, so you could get to the backyard in hopes of finding somewhere quiet so you could call your best friend.

he knew you were going out tonight, and had offered to pick you up if you wanted to leave before your friends did. you weren’t ready to leave, more so just wanted to talk to your best friend as he was racing through your mind.

as he usually does.

you quickly find his contact and press the call option bringing the phone to your ear. you didn’t know what you were going to say when he picked up, and silently prayed you weren’t bothering him.

“hello?” matt answered the phone slightly confused, as you’d only been gone for a little bit over an hour. He expected you to call later than this so now he was worried.

“is everything okay?” matt questioned you, after waiting a couple seconds of getting no reply.

“yes, everything‘s fine.” you replied, exasperated, wishing he was there with you and that he was with you. drinking always made you feel more bold, and you knew at some point this was bound to happen, so might as well let it flow as you’re ready to confess your feelings.

“i have to tell you something, matt.” you spoke confidently into the line, catching his attention as he was previously focused on his video game in front of him.

“okay,” he replied, instantly suspicious of your tone of voice. “what is it?” he closed out of the game so he could solely focus on what you had to say.

“i’m falling in love with you.” you blurted out, your cheeks flushing deeper as you realize what you just confessed. matt remained silent on the other side of the phone as your heart dropped out of your chest, and embarrassment flooded your body.

you decided to carry on with your confession, figuring you have nothing else to lose, “i should’ve said i am in love with you. i know i have fallen in love with you over the years and i just can’t keep it to myself anymore. i’m constantly breaking my own heart, trying to get over you when I would rather get under you.”

matt gasped at your confession, his pulse racing as he never thought he’d hear those words fall from your lips. he instantly sprung into action, grabbing his keys and slipping on his shoes on his he made his way out to his car.

“i’m coming to get you.” he announced before hanging up on you, leaving you staring at your phone confused.

“what are you doing out here?” your friend asked as she as she stood in the back doorway holding two solo cups, offering one out to you. you quickly approached her, and instantly started chugging it, craving to forget the sinking feeling in your chest as you assumed matt didn’t feel the same with how little he said.

the liquid courage flooded your veins once again, and you completely forgot about the phone call with matt. you and your group of friends were currently dancing along to some rap song when you feel hands slip around your waist and drag you away from them.

you spin on your heel to meet matt’s blue eyes as he looked down at you questionably.

“how much have you had to drink tonight?” he asked you, as his hand into yours as he guided you out of the party.

“i dunno know,” you replied, “i stopped counting after five.” you offered a guess to him, making him nod in response.

he helped you get into the passenger seat of his car, going as far as buckling the seatbelt for you making your heart race at such an intimate position. you couldn’t help but take a deep inhale humming at the scent of matt’s cologne.

he quickly walked around the car, climbing into the driver seat and began driving you back to his house. the ride was silent, the soft vocals of steve lacy playing distracting you from matt, who was nervously glancing in your direction every so often.

once he parks his car in the garage, he’s instantly out and helping you out of the car, tightly gripping your waist as he helps you make your way into the house. you giggle as he practically carries you up the stairs to reach the main floor, matt hushing you once you pass by chris’s room, knowing that he was probably sleeping.

“let me grab some clothes for you to change into.” matt offers, leaving you to stand in the middle of his bedroom while he walks to his closet and pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt for you.

he held them out to you, as you just stared at his outstretched hand, slowly beginning to pout.

“can’t you help me change matty?” you asked meeting his eyes, that had undoubtedly widen significantly in surprise.

“i-i mean, yeah i can. i just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable is all.” he nervously replied, making you grin.

“oh matt, do i make you nervous?” you teased him slowly grabbing the bottom of your dress and tugging it upwards, making him instantly clench his eyes shut.

“how are you going to help me if your eyes are closed, matthew?”

matt let out as sigh as he opened his eyes and approached you quickly, trying to slip the shirt over your head before you stopped him.

“you have to unzip it first.” you explained, turning so your back was facing him and pulling your long hair over your shoulder.

matt remains silent, trailing his fingers up your back to reach the top of the dress to grab the zipper. his fingers slowly tugged the zipper down the material of your dress, his cold fingers softly brushing the exposed skin of your back, causing goosebumps to rise in his wake.

you kept your back towards matt as you peeled the straps down your arms, and he was quick to put the shirt over your head, and you slipped your arms through the holes.

matt tugged the dress from underneath the shirt softly, hands brushing your sides, and you had to suck in a breath to hold back moan. you stepped out of the dress, slightly stumbling as you still had your heels on.

“sit on the bed, and I can help you put the pants on.” matt spoke softly, seeming to be in a trance.

you did what he said and butterflies swarmed your stomach as he kneeled down in front of you, looking up as he unclipped your high heels from your ankles.

he slowly slid the sweatpants on, and you lifted your hips so he could pull them above your ass as he held intimate eye contact with you out of respect as you weren’t in the right state of your mind.

but he figured you wouldn’t mind either way, thanks to your confession earlier in the night.

“you tired?” matt murmured to you as he stood to his full height looking down at you. you shrugged in response as you scooted back to lean against his headboard, slipping underneath his silky covers.

“can we put a movie on?” you asked as you snuggled deeper into his sheets glancing at matt who had a smile on his face. he nodded as he turned the light off before joining you in bed and turning the tv on.

“what do you want to watch?” he asked as he flicked through the movies on netflix, trying to find something you both enjoy.

you giggled, “shrek.” you replied, making matt softly chuckle in response. he quickly found the movie and put it on before you knew it you had fallen asleep to one of your favorite comfort movies.

matt had a hard time falling asleep, your confession heavy on his mind. he realized you still had your makeup on, carefully getting up to get a makeup wipe from his bathroom. he gently began wiping your face, watching in amusement as you face twisted up at the cooling sensation.

you whined sleepily, trying to shove his hands away, “just a little longer baby.” matt froze as the pet name left his lips, waiting for you to open your eyes. he let out a breath of relief when you let out a soft snore, you were still asleep.

he quickly finished wiping your makeup off, laying back down next to you. eventually at some point he had fallen asleep, but only briefly. you had moved closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder and throwing one of your legs over his hip, and he couldn’t help but let his arm slither between you and the mattress hugging you even closer. softly smiling at the content sigh you let out in your sleep.

eventually, matt went to the living room to think about how he was going to also confess his feelings and see where it leaves the two of you. he knew the outcome was more than likely going to be good, but he couldn’t help but think that you weren’t in the right mind and you didn’t actually feel that way.

you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, and the feeling of warm sunshine casting down onto you was making you feel more nauseous and sweaty than you expected to be.

you lifted your head and observed the room. you remembered coming home with matt, but the rest of the night was a blur. you carefully sat up just in time for matt to walk back into the room, holding a water bottle and a bottle of painkillers.

“hows the hangover kid?” he asked, a slight grin on his lips as you immediately reached for the bottle of water. you accepted the small pills matt handed you after you began drinking the water quickly taking them.

“god i hope i wasn’t too annoying last night.” you quietly laughed, not missing the look on matt’s face. “oh god i was horrible wasn’t i?”

matt didn’t reply, but he sat down next to you and refused to meet your eyes. one of nervous habits.

“you may have told me a big secret last night.” matt confessed, making your heart drop as the flashbacks suddenly hit you. you really should’ve listened to your friends and not called him.

“oh my god matt,” you whispered, horrified at the bits and pieces that were suddenly connecting.

“i’m so sorry if i made you uncomfortable last night, that was never my intention. and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same i just hope that we can continue being as close as we were before.”

“who said i didn’t feel the same?” matt replied, turning to finally face you as your jaw slightly dropped, and he grinned at the action.

“are you being for real right now?” you asked in disbelief, your eyes nearly popping out of your head as matt nodded with a grin on his face

“i’ve loved you for years now but i always thought you had a thing for chris, so i never did anything about it.” he admitted shrugging his shoulders. matt had a habit of thinking everything he wanted, chris would get first. you were determined to prove to him it was never chris, it was always him.

only him.

“okay that was insane,” you laughed, shaking your head slightly, “i’ve spent the last two years of my life loving you, matt.” you replied genuinely, as matt scooted closer to you.

he searched your eyes for a moment, looking for any signs of doubt, before leaning forward and connecting your lips to his. you instantly bring your hands to cup his face and pull him even closer to you. matt let out a groan out at the feeling, and let his hands explore your waist and squeezing lightly causing you to let a moan slip past your lips.

loud footsteps could be heard approaching matt’s door, and you both quickly pulled away just in time for nick to throw matt’s bedroom door open.

nick glanced between the two of you, before shaking his head, “can we go get breakfast? i’m not usually up this early and i’m starving, like actually.” he dramatically spoke, eyeballing matt as he was the only one with a drivers license.

matt glanced at you, knowing that the best cure for a hangover was greasy McDonald’s breakfast.

“yeah, we can go.” matt replied making you and nick grin.

“thank god,” nick sighed, “i’ll go wake up chris and see if he wants anything or wants to go.” nick walked away leaving the door open making you stand up as you needed to use the bathroom before you went anywhere.

you took a step away from the bed before matt softly gripped your wrist, making you turn to face him as he was still sitting on the bed.

“we can finish this later, right?” he asked, smirking up at you from his position. your heart raced at what he was implying, but you nodded anyways, and leaned down for one last kiss before you exited the room.

[cherriesformatt]

a day || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: what would a typical day as Matt's girlfriend would look like

warnings: pure fluff

word count: 1,6k

a/n: idk let me know how I did English is not my first language but I am working on it

🍒

I was on my way from a long, Friday, morning meeting and all I was thinking about was going back to bed and never leaving it again. My week started with my car breaking down out of nowhere, then I got my period (which is not as bad when you think about it because it would be worse if I didn't get it), and then I had an actual meeting, in an actual office, with actual people (I usually work from home in my pajamas). 

I had to drive my boyfriend's car to the meeting downtown. I am glad that I could, but let me tell you one thing, my boyfriend's car is giant and to park this lady downtown I needed to leave 30 minutes early. 

chris 🦋:

waiting for u outside thx for picking me up kid ❤️

"oh fuck" I said to myself as I quickly did a U-turn before it was too late. Was it safe? No. Did everyone survive? Yes.

I totally forgot that I was supposed to pick up Chris from his own meeting since Matt couldn't because I had their car. I dialed Chrise's number.

"hi, ur okay?" he asked. 

"yes, I just might or might not forgot to pick you up so I'll be there in 15 okay? I'm sorry I had a rough morning..." 

"Bro no worries I'll pick up some coffee while I wait and you drive safe okay?" I smiled because wasn't he the best? He doesn't even drink coffee. 

"Okay I'll see you there"

I ended the call and typed Chris's location. It wasn't that bad with the traffic so I was there in less than 15 minutes. 

I was able to park where he was waiting so he got into the passenger seat and smiled at me while I started driving again. I really want to be home. 

"I would say good morning but I'll keep that to myself. Got you an americano and banana bread" He put my coffee in the cup holder and threw his backpack on the back seat. 

"Thank you, that's really sweet, I am literally half dead so that will help" I laughed and took a sip of my coffee. 

"I still think that my brother is dating a weirdo, how can you even drink it black and unsweetened?" Chris looks at me with a disgusted face. 

"You are all literally bunch of weirdos so I just matched the energy you know" I blinked at him and stopped on the red. 

"How was your meeting? New fresh love is gonna be fire. I got the drafts in my mail this morning. Did not change a thing. You and the team did great" I said and smiled at him. 

I was a graphic designer and helped Chris at the beginning of his brand, but I did not really want to work for him so I just help sometimes if it's needed. I am really happy that he still likes to know what I think about the projects tho. I also used to work for Laura but not anymore. That's basically how we all met. I quit after me and Matt started to be a thing. 

"I know right? Well, I knew you will love it. The meeting was great, we should be able to make everything work by the end of the month. And guess what... I actually got samples and I have a pink set for you kid" 

"Honestly... made my day, I am going to wear it for everything now" I laughed.

"Just don't post it yet" He said and started to click things on the car's screen.

"Just use my phone for music" I gave him my phone and he typed my code and put our favorite song by lil skies on. 

"Still can't believe I memorized Niall Horan's birthday just to get to your phone" 

I blinked at him and started rapping with the song. I loved make a toast. Music taste is probably one of the things that made my and Chris's bond strong. Don't get me wrong I love Nick as much as I do Chris, but he just always gets me and we were best friends since day one. The funny thing is that me and Matt did not really liked each other at first. 

The ride home made my mood better. We sang and laugh, I wasn't tired of my life that much anymore. I took my shoes off while holding all of my stuff. Matt was on the couch watching something while we made our way up the stairs. 

"Hi baby... How was it?" He asked as soon as he saw me.

"Crap, I am going to call Laura to take me back" I laughed and put my stuff on the table and went to wash my hands in the kitchen sink. I then walked up to Matt and just threw myself next to him to cuddle his side. 

He kissed my forehead and started to rub my back. 

"I am going to take a nice nap, you kids have fun but not too much" Chris waved at us and went back down the stairs to his room. 

Matt rolled his eyes and kissed my head again. 

"How about we do something nice together? Nick is going to come home with Madi soon, I think, and that means laud. We could go to that beach you like and just get food and watch the sunset later" He asked.

All I was thinking about was his cold hand on my back and how much I just loved that man. He knew exactly what I needed.

"Yes, please. I just need to change. I wore a bra man, can you believe this?" I sit back up. 

He laughed at me and shook his head. 

"Go then," He said patting my thigh. 

I went to put my new fresh love set in Matt's bedroom, used the bathroom and when I was ready we went out.

"Wow, so it's your car now, huh?" Matt started to change the mirrors and seat but he also raised his eyebrows looking at my stuff next to the shift gear. 

"Baby it's only essentials to drive, okay?" I smiled and got comfortable in the passenger seat. 

We drove to get food and dessert. The weather was perfect to just spend an entire afternoon on the beach. Boys did not have any work plans today so I knew Matt was all mine for the rest of the day.

We sat on the beach, had our food, and just talked or cuddled in comfortable silence. That's what I mostly love about spending time with Matt. We could just sit the whole day without a word and be alright with it, but also we could talk for hours and we would always have something to talk about.

"I love you Matty, thanks for taking me to the beach. This new project sucks but I know it's going to be better after that. I really needed just you today" 

I kissed his sweet lips. He tasted like the cherry Pepsi that we just had. He pulled me into his lap and slid his hands under my hoodie while he kissed me back. 

I rested my forehead on his as I pulled away and smiled. 

"Anything for my girl, I love you kid" He kissed my nose and I just wrapped myself around his body.

"I am not moving, you might as well carry me to your car like this" I said into his neck. 

He laughed at that and hugged me back.

"Or we can just stay here" He lay back down on the blanket. 

"I promised your brother that we are going to watch Criminal Minds with him tho" I said.

"Sometimes I just wish you and Chris weren't the same person y/n..." He joked and looked at his phone, holding it above my head.

"Let's go back after sunset in that case baby"

We did watch the sunset, my favorite part of the day. We came back home and spent time with his brothers as I had promised Chris. 

"Spend the night?" Matt whispered in my ear while the last episode for tonight ended. 

I smiled and nodded. I was off tomorrow and did not want him to drive me home that late anyway.

We said goodnight and went to his room. 

"I will go take a shower" I said and opened his drawer to take a pair of boxers and a T-shirt. 

"Go ahead, I went shopping while you were gone. I did restock your basket under the sink. I hope I did it right" He scratched his neck looking at me.

I had my stuff here, but I usually did the restock. Especially my period stuff under the sink.

"Matt...you did not have to do that, thank you, baby" I said pouting my lips.

"I wanted to, I want you to feel comfortable here. Not only you tho, all our girlfriends that come to our house. It's great that you did the basket and stuff" He smiled and I kissed his cheek.

"You are too sweet Matthew"

I went to the bathroom, when I was done he went to take a shower while I waited in his bed scrolling on TikTok.

When Matt came back from the bathroom I looked at him. He was wearing just his pajama pants. 

"Should I just say what all of the girls in my books would say? Matthew, you are such a tease" I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"Oh my god, would you stop?" He got into bed laughing at what I said. 

"You love me for that" I put my phone on the nightstand and rested my head on his chest.

"Goodnight Matt" I closed my eyes.

He turned the lights off and tucked us in with the blanket. 

"Goodnight sweet girl" He kissed my head while I was already half asleep after this long day.

The best way to end the day is knowing that I will wake up in his arms the next morning. 

[geronimomo-spd]

and there we go! the full Confidential Archive!

here are all the episodes, according to tardis wiki list, including all of the mini specials and chrismas specials and most if not all in good quality! the full list of everything is under the cut because yeah, its a longgg list!

all in order, including some youtube videos and dvd rips hehe, all according the the tardis wiki list

SERIES 1 -

1x00 - A New Dimension (a prolog to season one, narrated by David Tennant)

1x01 - (rose)

1x03 - (the unquiet dead)

1x04 - (aliens of london)

1x05 - (world war 3)

1x06 - (dalek)

1x07 - (the long game)

1x08 - (father's day)

1x09 - (the empty child)

1x10 - (the doctor dances)

1x11 - (boom town)

1x12 - (bad wolf)

1x13.1 - The Ultimate Guide (another little documentary right before

parting of the ways, about key aspects about filming the season)

1x13.2 - (parting of the ways)

1x14 - Backstage at Christmas (the nine minutes they gave us from some of behind the scenes of The Christmas Invasion)

SEIRES 2 -

2x00 - One Year On (a general preview for season 2, including the series 2 press launch, a lot more behind the scenes of The Christmas Invasion and some Torchwood stuff)

2x01 - (new earth)

2x02 - (tooth and claw)

2x03 - (school reunion)

2x04 - (the girl in the fireplace)

2x05 - (rise of the cyberman)

2x06 - (the age of steel)

2x07 - (the idiot's lantern)

2x08 - (the impossible planet)

2x09 - (the satan pit)

2x10 - (love & monsters) - (featuring the winning of the contest of designing a monster)

2x11 - (fear her)

2x12 - (army of ghosts)

2x13 - (doomsday)

2x14 - Music and Monsters (the behind the scenes of doctor who's first music show, including some behind the scenes stuff of The Runaway Bride)

SERIES 3 -

3x01 - (smith and jones)

3x02 - (the shakespear code)

3x03 - (gridlock)

3x04 - (daleks in manhattan)

3x05 - (evolution of the daleks)

3x06 - (the lazarus experiment)

3x05 - (42)

3x06 - (human nature)

3x07 - (the family of blood)

3x08 - (blink)

3x11 - (utopia)

3x12 - (the sound of drums)

3x13.1 - (last of the time lords)

3x13.2 - Children in Need Special (the behind the scenes of the special where 10 meets 5, really cute stuff)

3x14.1 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 1 - the full version in less of a good quality i found on youtube, bless this youtube channel honestly)

3x14.2 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 2 - the shorter version that was up on iplayer)

3x14.3 - Kylie Special (series 3 christmas special. version 3 - the version i edited to include the low quality parts that were missing with the good quality shorter version)

SERIES 4 (INCLUDING THE SPECIALS) -

4x01 - (partners in crime)

4x02 - (the fiers of pompaii)

4x03 - (planet of the ood)

4x04 - (the sontaran stratagem)

4x05 - (the doctor's daughter)

4x06 - (the posion sky)

4x07 - (the unicorn and the wasp)

4x08 - (silence in the library)

4x09 - (forest of the dead)

4x10 - (midnight)

4x11 - (turn left)

4x12 - (the stolen earth)

4x13 - (journey's end)

4x14.1 - The Journey (So Far) (a documentary about the entire show so far)

4x14.2 - Confidential Christmas 2008 (behind the scenes of The Next Doctor christmas special)

4x14.3 - Doctor Who: Top 5 Christmas Moments (a sort of confidential behind the scenes clip show of all of the episodes set at christmas)

4x15.1 - At the Proms 2008 (behind the scenes of doctor who at the proms 2008)

4x15.2 - The Eleventh Doctor (the special they used to announce Matt Smith as the new doctor who)

4x15.3 - Desert Storm (behind the scenes of Planet Of The Dead)

4x16 - Is There Life on Mars? (behind the scenes of The Waters Of Mars)

4x17 - Lords and Masters (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part One)

4x18 - Allons-y! (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part Two. version 1 - full dvd version)

4x18 - Allons-y! (behind the scenes of The End Of Time, Part Two. version 2 - shortend higher quality version from iplayer, this version has a song in the soundtrack that is diffrent from the dvd version, this is the most accurate version to what aired on tv at the time)

SERIES 5-

5x01 - (the eleventh hour)

5x02 - (the beast below)

5x03 - (victory of the daleks)

5x04 - (the time of angels)

5x05 - (flesh and stone)

5x06 - (the vampires of venice)

5x07 - (amy's choice)

5x08 - (the hungry earth)

5x09 - (cold blood)

5x10.1 - (vincent and the doctor)

5x10.2 Monster Files: The Daleks (a little documentary about victory of the daleks/daleks in general)

5x11 - (the lodger)

5x12 - (the pandorica opens)

5x13 - (the big bang)

5x14.1 - Monster Files: The Weeping Angels (a little documentary about the weeping angels episodes this season)

5x14.2 - Monster Files: The Silurians (a little documentary about the silurian episodes)

5x14.3.1 - Monster Files: The Alliance (a little documentary about the alliance of monsters from the pandoica opens)

5x14.3.2 - Backstage at the Doctor Who Prom 2010 (behind the scenes of doctor who at the proms 2010)

5x14.4.1 - Charlie McDonnell - Runner (the first Charlle behind the scenes videos, pretty quiet - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5.14.4.2 - Charlie McDonnell - TARDIS (another Charlie video, she explores the tardis set this time -Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.4.3 - Charlie McDonnell - Decorating Bus (another Charlie video, she decorates the food place with christmas decorations, i liked them Charlie - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.4.4 - Charlie McDonnell - Christmas Presents (badger) (the famus Charlie video where she brings the cast and crew presents! this is where Matt gets his badger puppet - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

5x14.5 - Christmas Special 2010 (behind the scenes of A Christmas Carol)

SERIES 6 -

6x01.1 - (the impossible astronaut)

6x01.2 - My Sarah Jane: A Tribute to Elisabeth Sladen (a special memorial for the late Elisabth Sladen 😭😭)

6x02 - (day of the moon)

6x03 - (the curse of the black spot)

6x04 - (the doctor's wife)

6x05 - (the rebel flesh)

6x06 - (the almost people)

6x07.1 - Charlie McDonnell interviews Neil Gaiman (Charlie interviews Neil Gaiman, appewrently causing some ruckes on Charlie's blog at the time hehe - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

6x07.2 - (a good man goes to war)

6x07.3 - The Monster Files: The Silence (a little documentary on the silence, thank god because i needed that)

6x07.4 - The Monster Files: The Gangers (a little documentary on the gangers, my beloveds)

6x07.5 - Charlie McDonnell Becomes A Dalek (the last Charlie video, released late because it had the 1-4 tardis set, also she gets to ride a dalek in this one - Currently not up on the archives as Charlie has expressed the need to remove her old videos)

6x08 - (lets kill hitler)

6x09 - (night terrors)

6x10 - (the girl who waited)

6x11 - (the god complex)

6x12 - (closing time)

6x13.1 - (the wedding of river song)

6x13.2 - The Monster Files: The Antibodies (a little documentary on the antibodies from lets kill hitler)

6x13.3 - The Monster Files: The Cybermats (a little documentary on the little adorable cybermates because awww)

6x14 - The Nights' Tale (a little documentary on on the nights mini episodes! the last confidential stuff ever made rip)

[autisticlancemcclain]

In all the love songs Keith has heard (and he’s heard many, both his Pa and Shiro were big ballad fans), he’s always heard laughter described as angelic.

That’s how it is. Over and over again. When you fall in love with someone, when cupid’s arrow strikes, their laughter will be like musical bells, like windchimes, melodic and beautiful and entrancing, and you will never want to hear anything else.

Lance sounds like a hyena on crack when he laughs.

Keith is obsessed with it.

The love ballads got one half of it right, he supposes. He does shut the fuck up and listen when Lance laughs. It is like the only sound he can hear.

It’s just not…musical.

“Your sighs get any dreamier and he’s going to hear you,” Shiro says idly, colouring his nails with Sharpie.

Keith drops his chin from his hands, turning away from where he was watching Lance laugh with Hunk and Allura and scowling at his asshole brother. “He is not.”

Shiro snickers, not even bothering to look up. Keith wonders if it’s morally acceptable to smack the shit out of someone with only one arm, or if Shiro will call foul and convince everyone that Keith is somehow the asshole here.

“Is so. You’re so besotted that even I’m embarrassed for you, and I usually just laugh when you’re being humiliating.”

Keith decides that the potential reputation tarnishing is worth it.

“Ow!” Shiro cries, clutching his flesh arm with way more drama than necessary. “My arm!” He glances over at the scattered stares he receives, from various uniformed officers, and pitches his voice louder to get more attention. “My only remaining human arm!”

“Keith, stop trying to kill your brother,” Coran admonishes. “He’s sensitive.”

Shiro shoots him the tiniest smirk before returning to his fake pout. Keith’s jaw drops in indignation. “Wh — he antagonized me — it’s not my — Coran!”

Coran only raises his eyebrows. “Is there a problem, Number Three, or shall I get your mother involved?”

Pidge makes an obnoxious oooooooooh sound, wiggling her eyebrows at him, because she and Shiro are the worst, actually, and for good measure Coran is too.

“I hate this family,” Keith mutters, sinking into his seat. “All of you suck.”

“Okay, emo boy,” Shiro says patronizingly.

Unfortunately, Iverson walks in and starts the Atlas briefing before Keith can smack him again. He settles for glaring at his dumbass brother, who sticks his tongue out at him like the toddler he is, and then vows to pay attention to the meeting. He is the black paladin, after all.

He lasts four whole minutes.

It’s not his fault. If anything it’s Iverson’s fault. The meeting is boring as hell, and a quick glance around the meeting table shows that the only person paying attention is the note-taking robot Pidge made, and that doesn’t even count ‘cause it’s a robot. Several senior officers are outright sleeping. The MFE pilots are quietly passing around a game of dots. Hunk has blatantly pulled out an engineering project of his and is working on it in full and total view of Iverson (he still hates the man for what he did to Lance when they were cadets, claiming that since Lance has forgiven him, someone needs to hold a grudge). Pidge and Matt seem to be communicating in Morse code. Allura is directing her mice in some kind of acrobatic performance, and Coran is helping her. Shiro is trying to see how many spitballs he can land on Iverson’s blind side before he notices (he’s riding the line with 34). Lance is staring at Keith.

Lance is staring at Keith?

He startles when he meets Lance’s brown eyes, but Lance only smiles, wiggling his fingers in a little wave. Keith tilts his head in confusion, trying to wordlessly ask Lance why he’s staring, and also manage to keep his rapidly creeping blush under control.

(He likes it when Lance stares at him).

Lance squeezes his eyes shut instead of answering, and a moment later Keith feels a prodding in the back of his mind; a familiar presence, hot and fiery and all-encompassing.

Red.

He lets her in, lets her familiar feeling envelop his mind. She struts primly in his mindscape, nosing at Black as if to say I was here first, so just remember who’s boss.

Black lets her prance around with fond amusement.

Before Keith can ask her why she’s pushed her way through — not that he minds, he’s happy to have her, but she hasn’t felt the need to visit him in a while so he’s curious — he feels another presence almost knock on his subconscious, request access to his mindscape.

Red has…brought someone else?

Can she do that?

Red looks at him flatly, like his doubt is a personal offence. Before she can start admonishing him, the presence pushes again; not urgent, but insistent, almost as if someone is knocking on the door of Keith’s mind and doesn’t want to be ignored.

Beyond curious, Keith lets them in.

The second Keith opens his mental door, it’s like they rush in, flowing in like the white rapids of a river, strong and fast and excited, cool and bubbly. There’s so much of them that it takes Keith a good couple of minutes to conceptualise just who exactly has followed Red into Keith’s mind. The rushing water takes shape into a person; tall, gangly, broad-shoulders with a mop of curly brown hair and bright brown eyes, freckles spotted over their nose and grin wide and sparking.

Keith gapes.

“Lance?!”

“Is everything alright, Kogane?”

Keith blinks open his eyes to find the entire meeting table staring at him, expressions ranging from confused to knowing to outright teasing. He realises all of a sudden that he’s spoken aloud, and not only spoken but called Lance’s name out, loudly, for seemingly no reason, in the middle of a crowded meeting.

His face flames.

“All is well,” he chokes out. “Please carry on.”

Iverson narrows his eyes at him for a moment, but eventually shakes himself and continues. Keith stays bright red for several minutes, staring pointedly down at the table, ignoring the various sniggers he can hear with every ounce of his effort. Unfortunately, some of the teasing laughter is inside his actual literal brain, what the fresh fuck, so it’s a fruitless endeavour.

Are you still freaking out? the Lance inside his head (???) asks.

What in the gall brained fuck is going on, Keith thinks back at it, looking at Real Lance in a decent mix of panic, confusion, and the actual phonetic sound that an exclamation point mixed with a question mark makes in your brain. Real Lance has his eyes closed, brows creased in concentration, and the tiniest of smirks pulling up at his lips.

Close your eyes and meditate, doofus, Mind Lance tells him. I’m using a lot of energy right now so I don’t have the space to try and reign you up here.

Despite the fact that Keith is so confused that a thousand professors could not explain his current situation to him in any way that makes sense, he listens, closing his eyes tightly and visualizing his physical bond with Black, like he does when he flies. It helps him sink into the semi-astral plane of existence, usually so he can meld with his lion and the rest of the team when they’re forming Voltron, but whenever he’s trying to reach his own mindscape, too. He’s still aware of his physical body, he’s not quite projected out of it, but he’s not wholly in it, either. Most of his essence is focused on seeing as his mind sees, without the constraints of the physical plane.

“Took you long enough,” Lance huffs.

“What the fuck,” Keith responds.

He packs quite a lot of questions into that what the fuck, he thinks. Like ‘what the fuck are you doing here’, for starters. Or ‘what the fuck just happened with the water and Red and everything else’, if he wants to be specific. Or, if he really just wants to cover everything, ‘what the fuck is happening’ might just do it.

“Your internal monologue fascinates me,” Lance informs him.

Keith flushes. (Does he flush in his mindscape? Does he have the blood and physical body necessary in order to flush? Or is he just embarrassed, so his perception of himself is blushing because that’s the only way he knows how to conception use the feeling? God, Voltron magic shit is so weird. Keith lowkey misses mapping energies alone in the desert and wondering if he was delusional.)

“Stop hearing my internal monologue,” he orders.

Lance pouts. “You’re no fun. I want to hear all the juicy gossip you think about me because you’re too emotionally stunted to say it.”

Lance is only joking, Keith knows he is. He’s leaned forward slightly, like he always does when he’s teasing, and his smile is close-mouthed, unserious.

But Keith of course panics anyway.

A million snapshots of Lance flash through his mind — Lance laughing, head thrown back, barely holding himself up; Lance dancing around the briefing room at two in the morning as he plans a mission; Lance with his tongue stuck out of his mouth, concentrating hard on tiny knitting needles and tiny little mouse-sweaters; Lance with tears shining in his eyes, glancing at a projection of Earth, long before they finally made it home; Lance dirty and hurt, cradled to his chest as Keith runs him too a pod after Sendak. A thousand moments of Lance when Keith was fondest of him, when just looking at him made the ballads Keith grew up with play in his head.

He hurries to shove the memories in an obscure corner of his head and prays that Lance doesn’t see them.

“Can you actually hear my thoughts,” Keith asks, a little desperately.

Lance waves a dismissive hand. “Nah. I get emotional impressions, but that’s about it. I can’t even see anything in here expect you and Red, basically. And Black. Hi, Black!” He waves excitedly to the lion, who sits regally in the dead centre of Keith’s mindscape. She turns to the red paladin in amusement, nodding her head once. Lance beams.

Keith feels a rush of fondness for him so potent it makes his heart hurt, a little.

“Woah,” Lance says, looking at him a little wide-eyed. “I felt that, Willie Nelson. Holy softie.”

“How and why are you here,” Keith says, blatantly changing the subject and not giving even one single shit about being subtle about it. Lance is looking at him too closely.

Luckily, Lance indulges him, or is too excited about being here in general to resist talking about it.

“Isn’t it so cool?” he gushes. “I’ve been working on it with Red for ages! I figured since we all have that emotional bond with each other and the lions during Voltron, and we keep our lion bonds outside of Voltron, we should be able to communicate with each other outside of Voltron, too. Red wasn’t sure if it was possible but she helped me try, and I figured I’d try with you first because it would be the easiest, since we’re so close and all. And you’re more likely to let me in your head.”

He says it so matter-of-factly. Like it’s obvious that they are so close, and that Keith loves him so much that he wouldn’t mind Lance in his head, not really.

The worst part is that he’s right.

With anyone else, this would feel like an invasion of space. Keith would be defensive immediately, angry even, throwing them right the hell out of his head and yelling at them as he does it.

But with Lance?

He’s a little shocked, sure. And worried, that Lance is going to see all the parts of him that Keith isn’t ready yet to show him; the parts that he doesn’t yet know how to say, how to show. The parts of Keith that soften every time Lance smiles at him, the parts that light up with gleeful competition whenever Lance eggs him on, the parts that chafe and ache but smooth over when Lance sits with him quietly when he’s hurting.

Keith knows that Lance knows that he loves him. He doesn’t exactly hide it. He’s not sure he would, even if he could.

But he’s not ready to tell him. Not yet.

He takes a deep breath. (Or whatever the mindscape equivalent is).

He knows Lance won’t go looking.

“And you decided to pull this telepathy shit in the middle of a random meeting?” Keith teases, allowing some of the worry to slip away.

This is, after all, cool as shit, even if it’s weird.

“It’s not an important meeting!” Lance defends. “It’s boring, and I needed entertainment! Besides, Pidge’s bot will give us all the notes anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. Slacker. Some right hand man you are.”

Keith spends the rest of the dead-boring meeting teasing and chatting with Lance in his mindscape, which is great because he both gets to mess with Lance, which is always a net positive, because he has the upper hand in his own head, and because he gets to look like he’s paying attention in the meeting and actually be completely checked out.

“Oh, hey, I think the meeting’s ending,” Lance says. “I can hear Iverson winding down a bit.”

“Time to get out of my head then, you squatter?”

Lance rolls his eyes, waving to Red to get her attention. She stalks over, nosing him in the head like a mother cat to her kitten. Lance bats her away. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll head out. But only because I’m not practiced enough at this thing, so if I stay in your head it’ll look like I’m frozen or something. Once I figure out how to look normal and still beam my thoughts into your head, you’re never going to be without me even once in your life.”

Lance is teasing again. Keith can tell. But still, he’s totally helpless to stop what comes out next.

“I’d be okay with that.”

He sounds so besotted he wants to smack himself. But before he can even have the space to be embarrassed, he feels a wave of emotions that aren’t his — Lance’s, from the other end of their connection, a mix of embarrassment and selfish pleasure so thick that Keith can feel it even though they’re in Keith’s mindscape.

His jaw drops.

Lance wants Keith’s undivided attention. He’s preening over it.

“I gotta go,” Lance says hastily. “Uh, meeting ending and everything.”

Before Keith can so much as stop him, he feels the same strange feeling as before, the cool, rushing water of a river, only this time it’s flowing out of of his head rather than into it. Lance has retreated hastily from his mindscape, and Red follows, much slower and much more smug, visibly laughing at her paladin.

When Keith opens his eyes again, Lance is bright red, and won’t meet his eyes.

Keith smiles. Maybe he’s not the only one who’s not quite ready to spill his guts.

———

part two

[angelic-sturniolos111]

Matt’s Teammate 💙 pt. 2

After long-distance texting and FaceTime calls everyday for months Matt finally makes plans to see you in person again. [pt. 1 here!]

matthew sturniolo x fem! reader

warnings: cursing, slight make-out sesh (v romantic), just fluffy asf

author’s note: sorry this took longer to write than expected but enjoyyyyyy

this pic of Matt is so bf coded I can’t even

Y/C/N = your city’s name [from tour] even though we’re gonna pretend you live somewhere cold and snowy to match this pic (sorry)

***four months ago***

I had fun tonight, Y/N. You seem like a really great girl, and I would love to see you again if I can.

You stared at your phone in disbelief, and had to check his account ten times over to make sure it wasn’t a bot or a scam because you genuinely could not fathom that Matt Sturniolo just replied with THAT. Simply liking the message would have sent you through the roof, but your heart is soaring.

You carefully and deliberately craft a response not wanting to blow your one and only chance at possibly being with Matt again. You decide to keep it simple and sweet as to not come off too overbearing (even though internally you were completely freaking tf out).

Of course! Next time you’re in Y/C/N shoot me a text 🥰

…and with that you typed your phone number into the message and hit send.

Moments later your phone starts ringing with a FaceTime notification from an unknown number. Guessing it might be Matt you quickly fix your hair in front of your face, put on lip gloss, and adjust your boobs to look perfect in your bra to try and look your best. You slide the bar to answer the call, and Matt’s glorious face illuminates your screen.

Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck. You thought to yourself as you kept a calm smile on your face despite your heart trying to escape your chest. Matt smiles when he sees you on his screen.

“Hey, sorry to call you randomly but I tend to sound a lot better in person than I do over text.” He laughs. “And,” he hesitates, “I honestly wanted to see your pretty face again.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at his words. You try and collect the million thoughts flooding your brain right now to get a sentence out.

“I— uh… Yeah I,” you croaked out. You were able to keep your composure better earlier on stage, but this was completely different and VERY unexpected. Matt laughs lightly at your obvious nerves.

“Take your time. Sorry, I’m sure I caught you completely off guard.” He teases, but you can also see the sincerity in his eyes and know that he’s being patient for you.

You take a deep breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth.

“Okay…” you say letting out what was a mixture of a laugh and an exasperated sigh. “Hi!” You say cheerfully.

“Hi.” Matt responds sweetly. God, the way he was looking at you made you want to throw the phone across the room.

“You’re right, I totally wasn’t expecting any of this… do you do this often? Like, call fans and stuff?” You said a bit unsure. Your heart was telling you that Matt maybe genuinely liked you, but your brain also knows that he’s a dude who could just be looking for a hookup in each state while he travels. Matt furrows his brow at your question before looking surprised.

“Oh OH no no no no no it’s not like that. I swear. Like- I mean… not like I just want to fuck or anything. Um, I like you and I saw your DM and— not to be like weird calling you or anything but…” Matt stops his frantic run-on before pausing and taking a breath. “No, I don’t do this often. I don’t do this ever actually.”

“I think you just made that pretty obvious.” You both laugh. “Sooooo,” you say in a sing-song voice “you like me?”

Matt brings his hand up to rub his eyes as a small smirk creeps on his lips and he nods his head gently.

“Yeah… yeah I really do. I thought I’d never be able to do anything about it, thinking I’d never see you again, but my brothers convinced me otherwise. When I found your instagram earlier I decided to take a chance hoping I wouldn’t regret it.” He says, and you can’t help but blush.

“Why would you regret it?” You ask.

“Well, not knowing if you were already seeing someone, or just weren’t interested. Mainly though because it would be tough to really see anyone given my career.” A tone of sadness lingers in his voice. It’s clear that his words are true, and that he definitely has feelings for you. Clearly, you had feelings for him too and would love to get to know him more, but you also knew that dating him would be quite challenging at times.

“Maybe we didn’t win tonight, but we still do make a pretty good team. I trust we can work something out because I’d love nothing more than to see you again.” You say smiling, and with that Matt smiles in return.

“I don’t know… I’m really starting to feel like a winner right now!” Matt jokes making you scoff and roll your eyes at his cuteness.

***present day***

You often reflet back to the night you met Matt on stage given that that was the first and last time you had seen him in person talking, hugging, laughing. These past four months you have enjoyed every text, every phone call, every FaceTime from him as you stayed in close touch— talking every single day. You had grown to love and admire Matt through a screen since the beginning, but this time was much much different. Now, you two had a genuine, deep, emotional connection, and you were no longer just a fan watching him through a screen. You meant something to him. The two of you often talked and fantasized about your next meeting, but had no real plans of that actually happening. You were in school, and he had YouTube and his career to focus on. Finding time in your schedule to visit each other was difficult, but both of you were hoping to work something out soon.

***

You snuggled up on your cozy apartment couch watching the latest triplet video on your tv screen. You subconsciously had your attention on Matt the entire video. You had to keep rewinding the video because you missed nearly everything they were saying as you kept wandering off into day dreams about him, wishing he was sitting there next to you, arms wrapped around you. You’re pulled out of your daydream when your phone dings.

Hi beautiful sorry it took me so long to respond we were recording a podcast.

No worries ☺️ can we FaceTime?

Sure, but can you do me a favor first?

You’re curious as to know what on earth kind of favor you could possibly do for Matt.

Of course

You replied and anxiously awaited his answer as you saw the three moving dots across the bottom of the screen indicating he was responding.

Can you open the door?

What? You were incredibly confused. Not a second later you hear a knock at your door. You’re thinking maybe he had flowers delivered again, but it was almost 10pm so that wouldn’t make sense. You get up and walk to your door opening it hesitantly and slowly. Your door was cracked about halfway open before a familiar face pops into view.

“Hi!” Matt giggles excitedly.

“OH MY GOSH!” You scream, throwing the door all the way open and jumping into his arms. He wraps his arms around you tightly as you burry your face into his neck.

Matt’s POV:

I hug Y/N tight, smelling her sweet hair and loving the feeling of her wrapped up in my arms, something I had been dreaming about for months.

Chris and Nick were both focusing on individual personal projects, and since we pre-filmed some content I finally had the time to visit Y/N. As Thanksgiving is approaching, and she’ll have some days off from school, the timing couldn’t have been better. I previously had Chris send her some exclusive Fresh Love apparel, but she has no idea I saved her address from her shipping info. I booked a very expensive last minute flight out to see her, but even just hugging her now I know it was worth every dime.

I began to rock Y/N back in forth in my arms, not wanting to release the hug, but the cold autumn air was making me shake even through my hoodie and jacket.

“Can I come in? I’m chilly.” I say into her hair.

“Yes, yes come in!” She says pulling away from the hug and eagerly dragging me inside by my arm. I could feel my jaw tightening from smiling so much. She is absolutely adorable.

I glance around her apartment that I had seen a million times over on FaceTime, but never in person. She had a bookshelf with a framed photo of us on stage together at the show we met at, and it warmed my heart so much. I genuinely felt like the luckiest guy in the world being in the presence of such a beautiful girl that I could call mine.

I hasn’t even finished dropping my backpack off my shoulders all the way before Y/N engulfed me in another hug as she dug her face so deep into my chest I wasn’t sure how she was even able to breathe.

“I’ve missed you.” I hear her soft, muffled voice say into my chest.

“I’ve missed you more beautiful.” I say pulling back and planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. She pulls away and our eyes lock. Do I kiss her? Is now the best time? I’ve imagined it in my head, but now that it’s actually happening I am completely unsure of what to do. She takes a deep breath in and interjects,

“Umm. So what do you want to do first?” She asks kindly, and I laugh.

“That’s it? No questions about how I got here or how long I’m staying?” I question her.

“Oh forget that you can tell me later. I don’t want to waste a single second with you— after all we’ve planned to do so much together.” She says. Every text, every call, we talk about what we would love to do together. Nothing intimate, but just dates we’d love to go on, movies we want to show one another, stuff like that. Anytime I find a cute date spot in LA I write it down in my phone notes hoping that I can take her to all of those places someday.

“I don’t know it’s late now and I’m pretty tired. I was so excited on the plane ride over I didn’t sleep a wink.” I say, and she gives me a soft smille. “Can I—um. Can I cuddle you, Y/N?” I say shyly and her smile grows.

I follow her as she walks into her bedroom and swipes all her stuffed animals onto the floor to give us room. She looks at me, her cheeks blushing pink as she pats a spot on the bed for me. We both climb onto the bed next to one another, and I extend my arm out for her to lay her head on my chest. She moves her body closer to mine as her body clings to my side. She wraps one arm under me with the other resting on my stomach as her hand gently caresses my chest. Our legs entangle into one another and she drapes her thigh across mine. I play with her hair and look down as her eyes close softly, fully enveloped in my embrace, taking in the moment. I dip my head down so it’s resting on top of hers.

We stayed like this, silent, for a while.

It wasn’t an awkward silence, but it was quite peaceful. It was the type of silence where you’re just enjoying the moment savoring what life has to offer.

After a while I start to feel her slightly shifting. She moves to look up at me and we smile, locking eyes.

“I’m so comfy, and as much as I want to talk your ear off I’m actually really enjoying this.” She says softly.

“Me too. How about we go to sleep now, and we can get an early start to our day tomorrow, yeah?” I suggest and she nods her head.

She looks so unbelievably beautiful in this moment. Her eyes twinkle from the light of the lamp on her nightstand, her soft skin still slightly blushing, her pink lips parted ever so slightly. I want to kiss those lips so god damn bad.

My hand moves from her waist to the side of her face gently swiping my thumb across her cheek. This caused her eyes to flicker from mine down to my lips, and with that I pulled her in closer and placed my lips on hers. It was a quick kiss, but soft and gentle. She pulls me back in and our lips once again meet, this time for a deeper kiss, full of passion and want. We kept kissing like this, and I move my arms back to her waist to pull her up across my lap as she straddles me.

She pulls back from the kiss, and I wish I could capture what I see in front of me to keep this moment forever. She had one hand on my chest to balance herself, and the other was playing with the hair on the back of my head. Her eyes glanced down at me, looking into mine, and her reddened lips curled up in to the cutest smile. She was breathtaking, and I knew then that I was completely devoted to her.

“So… regret your decision to message me?” She asks teasingly making me let out a small laugh. I stare deep into her eyes as I respond.

“Not in the slightest.”

**********

This is definitely not my best work and it’s super short so I apologize. 😣

Thank you to everyone who enjoyed part one! Sorry this is lowkey a let down I feel bad tbh.

Plz don’t h8 me I love you all

- Kay 🩶

[ghost-proofbaby]

SO SCARLET (IT WAS MAROON)

CHAPTER FOUR: CASTLES CRUMBLING

AND HERE I SIT ALONE, BEHIND WALLS OF REGRET. FALLING DOWN LIKE PROMISES I NEVER KEPT.

☆ pairings: rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader

☆ warnings: no use of y/n, strong language, angst, mentions of RUMORS of workplace sex scandal, minors dni

☆ WC: 5.4K+

☆ A/N: if you would like to listen to the song that eddie is recording at the end - it is an actual, real life song. :-) it is called "blood sport" by sleep token (one of my favorite bands i get to see live next week!!), and i highly recommend listening to it during your reading. especially the latter half of this chapter.

thank you to my love @hellfire--cult for the divider!

masterlist

“Alright, so – anyone care to fill me in on what the Hell that was?” 

Matt stands like a disapproving father figure as the band lines up opposite of him just outside the building. Eddie had hoped nothing would be mentioned until they were in the car, but the driver was clearly running a few minutes late.

Three of the boys glance at each other, worried expressions immediately giving up the hoax even as Eddie only shrugs and says, “What do you mean?” 

“Cut the shit, Munson,” Matt had never appeared so livid, so undone by irritation. His usual patience with Eddie is nonexistent, “What’s going on between you and that girl? Is she a past groupie?”

The insinuation gets a scoff out of Gareth. Jeff side-eyes him in warning, but Eddie couldn’t care less, “No, she’s not a past groupie. This was the first time I’d ever-”

“Don’t lie to me,” Matt points an accusatory finger at Eddie, narrowing his eyes, “I am your manager. If you have any unsavory connections with that girl, I need to know so I can decide if we need someone else to organize the event. We are not having another repeat of the Lewinsky scandal.” 

“I knew it! I fucking knew you called it that, too!” Gareth cheers, but he’s quieted by one look from their furious manager.

The Lewinsky scandal had been their code-word for when the tabloids had become convinced that Eddie was fucking an assistant at the label. A girl had even come forward and claimed to have had sexual relations with Eddie, and he had taken heat for it for a full month before the buzzing novelty worn off.

Eddie had only spoken three words to the girl. No, thank you when she’d offered him a mug of coffee during a late night at the studio. He wishes now he’d been less polite. 

And he also finds himself wishing that’s all this was. He wishes you were just another scandal, another terrible rumor spread around. If all the accusations between you two were false, if all the hatred was based on misconstrued circumstances, it would be so much easier. He can talk himself out of that. He can confess to those sins and get off with no more than the order of one hail mary from Matt. 

But you? The reality of all that had happened, both all those years ago and just thirty minutes ago? He can’t find the words. They choke him up, unwilling to leave the cavern of his chest and enter the world, just like all the songs gathering dust as demos. 

“It’s not going to be another Lewinsky scandal,” Eddie scowls, feet shuffling against the concrete below him. Can’t be another Lewinsky scandal if she wants nothing to do with me anymore, “Maybe she just doesn’t like me. I am allegedly a very polarizing public figu-”

The car pulls up, and Matt is quick to grab Eddie’s shoulder before glaring at the boys, “Get in, I’m not finished with our polarizing public figure yet.” 

Grant and Gareth only let out low whistles, following instruction without lingering as they clamber into the back row of seats in the SUV. Jeff takes his time, though, going as far to pause beside Eddie and place a hand on his back.

“Just tell him the truth, Eds.” 

It’s the final nail in his coffin. Eddie is cursing Jeff’s retreating figure as he climbs into the vehicle and shuts the door, leaving him alone with Matt. 

“Explain,” Matt demands, “Now.” 

Eddie’s eyes focus on a gaping crack in the sidewalk, jagged and uneven, right down the center. 

He has two options. He could continue to lie, insist he knows nothing about you until Matt just gets bored of not being offered the truth. Or he could admit it all, reveal the muse behind the art he had been fiercely protecting over these last few months. Every line, every chord, every broken note that had left his lungs during those witching hours in the studio. 

On one hand, it’ll rip away the opportunity that has been offered to him on a silver platter – the opportunity for closure. Selfish, bloody closure that neither of you had gotten, it seemed. But on the other hand, it might grant him some sympathy. Matt, the label, the producers – they had all grown tired of the dance Eddie led them in every time they’d inquire about the music. But if Matt knew-

It’s a dead end trail of thought. He knows he won’t admit to the worst of his atrocities he’s committed. No scandal, no late night ending with him in handcuffs, no fraudulent headline is going to compare to what he did to you. What you did to him.

It’s a little too late for damage control, anyways.

“I went to high school with her,” the lie works well enough, easing some of Matt’s frustration, “I was just shocked to see her. All of us were shocked to see her. No big deal.” 

Eddie knows the people around him have come to learn that they must pick and choose the battles they engage in with him. And he can see that decision flash across Matt’s face as he decides that this is not a battle necessary to the war.

“Alright. But if you’re lying to me-“

“I’m not lying.”

“If you are, that’ll be one of my last straws, Munson.”

It won’t be. Eddie knows it won’t be. Everyone, every single goddamn person in this world it seems, is capable of giving Eddie Munson unlimited chances — except you. You, it seemed, were the only person who had come to their senses. 

You always were smarter than people gave you credit for.

—

“Run the track again.” 

They’d spent a few hours in the studio already. It was an odd hour for them to be haunting the space, more used to visiting in the dead of night rather than the middle of a weekday, but it was down to the wire now. Vocals needed to be recorded, instrumentals fine-tuned, tracks properly mastered. Eddie could no longer hide in the night when it came to recording the haunting melodies stained with the blood of his past — no matter how wrong it felt to see a sliver of sunlight breaking through one of the windows, just through the top of the blackout curtains.

“I really think that was the one, man-“ the producer starts, probably just tired after repeatedly running in circles with Eddie’s perfectionism.

He doesn’t care. He’s paying them, they can stand to let him re-record as many times as necessary to satisfy Eddie, “Run it again.” 

The silence only continues to buzz in Eddie’s headphones. He’s ready to cuss out the producer as he angrily shoves them down, off his ears and hanging loosely around his neck, the wire a leash as he whips to face the one-way glass wall. The lights are off at the main board, guaranteeing that they can see Eddie but Eddie can’t see them.

Until suddenly, the light comes back on, and the reason for the absence of the repeated track Eddie had requested becomes obvious.

Gareth.

He stands at the center of it all, a few paces from the seated producer with a deep scowl on his face. 

“What the fuck?” Eddie says, mouth just close enough to the mic for them to catch his overflowing annoyance, “I said-“

“We heard what you said, Eddie,” Gareth interrupts, his voice just loud enough to be faintly heard even as the headphones curl around the nape of Eddie’s neck, “But I need to talk to you.” 

It’s the strictest tone that Gareth has used on their lead singer in an unfathomably measure of time. Probably because it’s the most words he’s said to Eddie in a very long time, as well.

Eddie finally removes the headphones, hanging them carelessly on the mic stand and moving towards the door — surprisingly, without putting up a resistance.

The control room is warmer than the fairly large area that served as a ‘booth’. Smaller, as well. Cramped with a low couch and one too many chairs available to trip over, the control board spanses the entire wall that holds the oversized window into the recording room. A plethora of small lights twinkle like stars, and numerous switches that Eddie had come to know better than the back of his hand alternate positions to guarantee the clearest sound. Only Gareth and the producer occupy the room, the rest of the band having taken off around the fifth time Eddie had requested a redo of his vocal tracking.

“This better be good,” Eddie complains, furrowing his brows, agitated at the interruption. 

But Gareth shows no remorse, “We need to talk.” 

“Yeah, you said that already.”

“We need to talk,” Gareth repeats, eyes flickering to the poor soul still seated at the controls, “Alone.” 

Eddie hardly has to open his mouth, the man jumping out of his seat the moment the lead singer flicks his wrist to signal for him to leave.

Whatever Gareth was about to say had to be important, and it’s that thought rather than the difference in temperatures that has sweat building on Eddie’s brows.

Is he about to quit the band? Is he about to tell me he’s had enough? Maybe he’s done with my bullshit — I would be.

“Speak, Emerson,” Eddie flatly insists, grabbing a small water bottle out of one of the mini fridges in the room before he throws himself onto the worn leather of the couch, “And make it quick. We’re on a time limit, you kno-“

“We’ve gotta talk about her, man.” 

Her as in you. 

For a moment, Gareth sounds like a friend again. He’s dropped all the persistent perturbation he’s taken to defending himself with when it comes to  Eddie, his voice pleading as he stands before the distant man. All the rueful power plays that had developed over the last year vanish. It’s just Eddie and Gareth, bandmates who started out in the latter’s garage in some small Indiana town. Not Eddie Munson, infamous rockstar with a chip on his shoulder. Not Gareth Emerson, passionate drummer overshadowed by the ego of his lead singer. Just Eddie and Gareth.

 “We all know you didn’t tell Matt the truth.” 

“I did tell him the truth-“ 

“Not the whole truth, then. There’s no way he’d let it slide if he knew that she was your ex-girlfriend.” 

The defiance vacates Eddie’s body quickly. He doesn’t even attempt to prowl his mind for a quick quip in response. All he does at the words is drop his shoulders, the defeat creeping up on him as he deflates. 

Ex-girlfriend. The title feels so pitiful to truly describe what you were to him. 

But to be fair, even when he had been in your good graces, girlfriend had also never felt significant enough.

“Did-“ Gareth starts after a beat of silence, noting the way Eddie couldn’t quite hide his wounds on the topic, “What did you guys talk about? When you went after her, what did she say?” 

“Nothing important.”

Eddie turns into a shell, a zombie as he stares straight ahead and tries to compartmentalize. That always worked; with meetings, with arguments, with lectures. Even before the fame, it worked.

It doesn’t work quite as quickly when it comes to you. His brain, it seems, is incapable of uncrossing all the wires you twist within his brain.

“You two were alone for, what, ten minutes? And you’re telling me she didn’t say anything important?” 

“What the fuck is there to say?” Eddie laughs soullessly, “Oh, hey, stranger! Remember me? The guy you up and left without a word?” 

“Yes!” Gareth shouts unexpectedly, “Yes, that’s exactly what you should have done! She left. Not just you, but all of us. We never even really knew why. And now- what? Are we just supposed to pretend we don’t know her?” 

Eddie knew why. She’d never had to say it, and that was the issue. He always thought about all the answers he swore he craved, and always let every question he claimed to have haunt him during the waking hours. But when the day turned to night, when he was left to nothing but his own devices in a dark and empty apartment during the witching hours, he knew. The question of why had been answered since the first phone call cut short with you during that goddamn tour.

The songs knew, too. He supposes it had been an arrogant assumption to believe the band had read into his lyrics and put the pieces together. 

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do,” Eddie nearly whispers, throat tightening and fighting him on the words. It’s the opposite of what he wants and needs — but it’s what you want and what you need. And so he plays the messenger, even as it kills him, “We are going to completely disregard my past with her. We are going to treat this entire situation as professionally as possible. I’m talking the full nine yards: you will not mention the fact that we know her, you will not question her about anything from the past, and you will not, under any circumstances, ask her why.” 

His own set of rules he’d privately set for himself in his own mind during the car ride over. 

Gareth squints his eyes in disbelief, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Are you serious?”

“Deathly so.”

“This isn’t just about your past with her,” the boy nearly passes, starts to reach up to tug on his hair before he thinks better of it, “This is about the way she left all of us. Not just you. She was a friend to all of us. She was the one who taught me how to tape my drums when I’d bust a hole in them, she was the one who helped us design our first merch, she was the only person any of us would let be in the room during practices. And not just the band stuff, either,” Eddie watches tears form in Gareth’s eyes, “She was the only one who had the patience to help me with my fucking math homework back in school, man. She was the one who nearly curb stomped Jason Carver the week he sent Grant home with a black eye. She was the first person Jeff called when his parents broke news of their divorce, for fucks sake. Not me, not you, not any of us — her,” Gareth’s breaths come out as pants as he stops his pacing and stands before Eddie. The tears continue to lace his bottom lash line as he heaved silently at the end of his rant, his pained expression completely unexpected to Eddie. 

This is the part Eddie chooses to forget. He’ll let himself swim in the memory of you late at night, he’ll indulge in vices that always amplify his pain rather than succeeding in his attempt to numb it, he’ll stare down the mirror each morning and curse the reflection he finds with all the blame in the world he is capable of holding in the palms of his hands. But in all the ruptures of his own old scars, he fails to consider that he is not the only one burdened with loss. 

They all lost you. When Eddie lost you, so did the band. You’d become a ghost to more than just your abandoned lover — you’d become a tired haunt to boys you’d known, boys you’d befriended and burrowed your way into the lives of, just as well. 

“She was our friend,” Gareth chokes out, fists curling at his sides, “Jesus Christ, I- I get it. She was everything to you. Whatever. But she meant a lot to the rest of us, too. Whatever happened wasn’t just some isolated event — you two didn’t just hurt each other. You set off whatever bomb erased her from our lives, but it left the rest of us with some damage, too. Don’t forget that.” 

This is the part where Eddie should apologize. This is the part where, once upon a blissful time, he would have said his repentance. 

He doesn’t.

“I don’t care how hurt anyone is,” he lowly responds, eyes unable to meet Gareth’s any longer, “I’ve told you the rules, we’re going to follow them. End of discussion.” 

Gareth throws back his head, and Eddie winces at his scoff, “She’s not your fucking property, Eddie! She isn’t solely yours to keep or whatever the fuck you think you’re doing!” 

Eddie can’t even deny the action of keeping you. All the demos, all the songs laid to the grave because he couldn’t stomach the thought of releasing them for others to experience. 

But that’s not what this was. This, the cataclysm that was sending Gareth to finally release all this pent up frustration, was him following your rules. You’d made your wishes for this project very clear, and he needed to at least try to respect them. They all did. 

So he takes on the role of the bad guy. He lets them paint him as the villain if it means no red will stain your ledger. 

“Oh, I think she’s made it very clear that she isn’t mine,” the mask slips on far too easily for Eddie. Cool demeanor, compartmentalizing. Not you, but his emotions towards his friends, if he could even still call them that. His bandmates that he had once seen as brothers. “Doesn’t change what I said. Don’t push it, Emerson, or there’ll be Hell to pay.” 

“What are you going to do? Disappear on us?” Eddie finally looks back up to meet Gareth’s fiery gaze as he spits out hateful words, “Hate to break it to you, but you already left this band behind two years ago. And if you ask me, you should start leaving the vanishing act to her. At least she doesn’t make us pay for her mistakes.” 

Eddie is by no means done with the conversation, more than willing to continue fighting with Gareth, but the other boy clearly feels differently. He leaves his words hanging in the air as he spins away, storming out of the door, the air in the studio now several degrees hotter now with the irate fuel of the fight.  

It was all a blood sport. All of it. It didn’t matter if Eddie was fighting with the band, the management, with you. It was all bloody and fruitless, and it all left him the same awful type of hollow in the end. 

He stares blankly at the wall as he makes a silent decision.

By the time the producer has timidly returned to the room, Eddie has already set up his laptop to connect to the studio's system, prepped so that any recording would automatically copy into his personal hard drive. A way for him to listen and ruminate in the privacy of his own apartment. 

The sheet music torn from his notebook already lays at the table besides the entrance to the booth. 

“Do you… want to run the track again?” the man, the stranger, asks. He clearly heard the fight. Eddie and Gareth hadn’t been exactly quiet in their screaming match. At least, Gareth hadn’t been. 

Is it really a screaming match if only one side fights back? 

“I want to lay a new track,” Eddie’s voice is deadpan as he clicks a few buttons, finalizing everything. He only needs the man to click record, “A raw piano and vocal demo. We can add the rest of the band later.” 

“I-“

One look from Eddie, hardly passed over his shoulder with a glimmer of unbridled determination, and the man quiets as he takes his seat. 

Eddie storms into the booth without another word, fist curled around the page of lyrics and terribly hand-drawn music clefts. 

She isn’t yours to keep.

Eddie was aware of that. Painfully, painfully aware. But it had never been about his claim to you. 

Gareth was right. Eddie never wanted to own you. Keeping you, however, had been something he should have taken more care with.

The chill of the small room to record in does little to lessen the flames eating Eddie up as he bypasses the assembly of various instruments all crowded in the space. Gareth’s drum set, Jeff’s guitar, Grant’s bass — he storms right past them, eyes locked on the grand piano in the fair corner. It took up the most space, far too large to have been forced to be contained within this compact room. 

Eddie drags the mic from where it had been stationed previously with him, quickly and recklessly resetting it at the piano. 

Once he’s seated on the bench, crumpled pages thrown up onto the music desk of the piano and headphones snug over his ears again, the producer finally clicks on his mic to speak.

“Hey, uh… Does this demo have a name by chance? Or do you just want to label it as an unknown for now?”

It certainly does have a name.

“Blood Sport,” Eddie spits out. “Just name the file Blood Sport.” 

The hum that would indicate to Eddie when those on the other side of that glass window were speaking clicks off, and he takes it as his cue.

He’d written the song a while before. There were some gaps in the lyrics, some notes he’d played with on his personal piano scribbled over and never replaced. He’d never played it in its entirety before. 

It starts slow. His fingers hold the ivory keys delicately, arranging for the first opening notes as if he were slotting his knuckles against your own for the first time over again.

She isn’t yours to solely keep. 

Were you ever his to keep, ever? 

Even the ivory keys of the Steinway are more solid than you ever were. You were nothing more than water, than blood, destined to slip between Eddie’s fingers. He never stood a chance in having you, in holding you, in keeping you. 

Not just now, but before all the blood shed, as well. He should have recognized Cassandra’s curse the first day he looked into your eyes. He should have known the twist in his stomach was only Fate sinking its claws into the two of you. 

A tale fit for a Shakespearean stage — a tragedy always meant to be.

“I want to roll the numbers, I want to feel my stars align again.” 

Eddie’s voice is soft to match the steady beat of piano notes that emit from the crooked curl of his hand against the keys. A soft thump, a gentle lull. And instead of losing himself in the music, he finds himself wrapped up in one of the many memories he’d chosen to lock away for the last two years.

Something was off. 

Eddie’s stomach had twisted with anxiety of something being wrong for weeks. You stopped answering his calls, his texts, every form of connection with him. But as he stood in front of the door to your shared apartment, the bile rose even higher in his throat. 

He smelt the decay of what he had done before his key had even entered the lock. 

“Would you invite me again? Won’t you pay for your arrogance? Won’t you show me your weakness?” 

You were never his to keep. 

His voice nearly cracks as he approaches the first chorus, not finding the strength behind the vocals he’d always envisioned for the song.

The click of the door opening echoed through the apartment. It felt empty the moment he’d crossed the threshold – you could have just been tucked away in the bedroom, or even in the bathroom, but he knew. 

You hadn’t been returning his phone calls. You hadn’t been returning his texts. He knew something had happened, something had changed. Irreversible damage had been done, and he would now have to face the mess he’d created to return home to. 

“I made loving you a blood sport.” 

He repeats the line until it rings in his head, over and over. Until he swears the words could crack his bones, and the stars that will show in the night sky will do nothing but mock him for the self-inflicted pain.

At first, he convinced himself you just weren’t home. You’d gone to the store or to see friends. You’d be home soon enough and then, the two of you could scream at each other all you wanted. You were angry with him, rightfully so, but he’d rather you yell and scrap with him than the alternative. He didn’t care. Because he was here, back in the flesh and willing to take any and all cruel words you had sharpened for him. The two of you would fight, yes, but at least that meant there was still something there worth fighting for.

After the first three hours, he realized with a sinking stomach that the alternative might just be his reality. 

“I want to be forgiven.” 

He recalls the look on your face when you’d first seen him today. The fall of your act, the discarding of grace and composure.

The look that told him that he can want all he’s capable of. He can want, he can crave, he can yearn, he can tear himself apart bit by bit with his feeble yet shattering cravings — it won’t change a thing. 

You were never his to keep.

After the clock struck the fifth hour of his return, he started his calling.

Over and over and over, he was met with your voicemail. Endless messages spoken and sent alike. Every single one trying to be gentle as they inquired where you were. Letting you know he was back. Going as far as to ask you if the two of you could talk. 

He wanted to fight. He wanted to fight, because it meant you still saw something worthy within him.  

But even more than Eddie wanted a fight, he wanted you to come home. He wanted you to be there, to welcome him into your safety and remind him he was human again. It was selfish – he was so goddamn selfish – but he needed to feel your skin against his and remind him that he was still a person beneath it all. Beneath the demand, beneath the unwarranted adoration from strangers, beneath all the fractures the sudden traction had left him with – he was still a breathing, living person. He was still your person. 

Eddie’s fingers begin to slam against the keys with increasing urgency as his chest heaves out with every syllable. Repeating, and repeating, and repeating the chorus as if it changes a single thing. He loses himself in it all; in the music ringing in his ears and the memories now drowning him as he confesses all his sins to the microphone. 

You never came home. 

There was no fight, and after the hours reached double digits right along with his ignored phone calls, he had to accept the truth.

You weren’t just at a friend’s, or the store. You were gone. Truly, truly gone.

The drawers once filled with your belongings were vacant. The smell of your perfume was nothing more than a whisper across the pillows. Eddie scoured the entire apartment for signs of you, turning every single piece of furniture over looking for clues. He never thought to check the counter until he’d already ruined the space, terrorizing it in a frenzy before his eyes landed on the letter and the key.

He had approached them both hesitantly. All his denial drained from his body, like the blood pumping through his veins, as his fingers pinched that silver key so gingerly.

A past he can never return to. A home he will never hold the key to again. 

The joints of his fingers ache and his lungs begin to burn for all that he lost — all that they all lost — because of him. His  own foolishness, his own downfall. He did this. 

The aftermath is blurry.

He read the first few words of your letter before promptly crumbling it with his tortured fist, knowing exactly what it said without needing to fully swallow all the words just yet.

He never fully read the letter. He skimmed it, a week later, but not that night. 

Then came the flashes of the pain. The way he’d swung his fists at air and menial objects alike. A vase holding wilted carnations met its demise on the kitchen floor, a hole in the wall appeared that he later had to patch up, one of the coffee tables ended up across the living room with a leg splintered half off. 

He never dropped the key. 

Even as he dropped to his knees in the center of the broken glass, bleeding shins to match his bruising knuckles, he still held that small piece of silver fiercely. He pressed it so tightly, dug it so deeply into his palm that it later left a scar. And not even the way he had grabbed at the broken glass surrounding him had the capability to mar it away as he let it slice his skin, crying out, hopeless and devastated. 

You were gone. He had lost you, and he had been arrogant enough to never even notice it.

“You say it doesn’t matter.” 

The headphones had long since slipped off his head, and he makes no move to adjust them. He hadn’t even noticed that his body had begun to fall forward and curl into the piano until he’s weakly choking out the final lyric that he hadn’t even written down onto the page. 

He hadn’t noticed the tears falling, either.

What were meant to be gasps for air as his fingers fly across the keys in a haunting melody are only sobs. Cries of pain as he no longer can see mere inches ahead of him, a scar of the center of his palm stinging as if brand new, his heart and head pounding in sync. He isn’t even sure if the producer he’s forgotten the name of is still recording. He lets the sobs slip out as he continues to play. 

He can’t quite end the song yet. The moment he does, he’s terrified of the version of him that he will have to face once more. All those surface blemishes from the beginning of the end had run deeper beneath his skin. He was nothing more than rubble and fractures now, splintered every which way until he had become unrecognizable. When he looked in the mirror, all he could see was a creature of destruction.

“You set off whatever bomb erased her from our lives, but it left the rest of us with some damage, too. Don’t forget that,” Gareth’s voice echoes in the silence beginning to gather between the notes.

Another wrecked sob leaves Eddie as he finally finishes off the melody, playing entirely unaffected up until that point. Reality crashes down. His body shakes, shoulders hunched as his forehead connects against the freezing wood of the piano and he pinches his eyes shut tightly enough to be left in total blackness. 

He couldn’t play another note if his life depended upon it.

The memory fades with the final note before his head rattles with a new image. The smile, the grimace, you had offered him before you two parted ways today. An effort at professionalism that Eddie had seen right through. 

Pain. That’s what had twitched in the corners of your mouth. The same pain, if not worse, as the one that now radiated through every atom of Eddie’s broken figure on the piano bench. 

He can’t fix it. Not your pain, not Gareth’s pain, not his own pain. The time for damage control, for sincere apologies and any reconciliation has passed. Just like watered-down blood through his fingertips. 

Eddie hopes that the producer has had half the mind to stop the recording when he stands and slams the drumset behind him into the wall. Destructive, just as he had been the night he returned to an empty apartment. Just as he had been when he’d been the one to rot and wither away all that you two had once held between you. 

They can replace the drum set. Surely, he has a person for that. 

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Abscond Pt. 2

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N returns back home after living in Arizona for five years. When she’s reunited with the triplets will her feelings still be there for Matt, or will she move on? Does Matt have a girlfriend or does he still like Y/N??🫂

Warnings⚠️: None!! Hope you enjoyed this one! And read Part 1 if you haven’t already🖤

Song for the imagine: For the First Time- Mac DeMarco

It’s just like seeing her for the first

Time again

“When the fuck did you get back?” Matt said walking over to me and pulling me into a big hug

“A few hours ago” I said hugging him harder

“This is a fucking dream” Nick said still shocked

Matt pulled away and Nick gave me the biggest huge

“We missed you so fucking much” Chris said giving me a hug after Nick

“I missed yall so fucking much too, like I’m so glad I’m back home” I said pulling away from the hug

“Are you here for good?” Nick asked

“Yeah! I’m back for good. I left my dad….I had to that place was a hellhole” I said shaking my head

“I bet. When the first holidays rolled around and you didn’t show we were like okay maybe she’s doing it with her dad, but once it was the second holiday and then the third and the fourth. That’s when we knew” Nick said

“That guy kept me locked away from everything and everyone” I said letting out a breath of air

“I just can’t get over the fact that you’re back” Matt said looking at me

“I can’t either….man five years just like that” I said snapping my finger

“Five years is insane” Chris said

“You know actually I found the uh the Polaroids from the night I last saw you guys” I said looking at them

“The Polaroids of us?” Matt asked

“Yup, they fell out of my bag, and somehow landed under my bed….all these years I swore my dad found them and tore them up, but no” I said laughing a little bit

“Insane” he said laughing and looking down

“We’ll leave you guys to catch up” their mom said, and her and Jimmy walked out the kitchen

“Congrats on the fame. It’s crazy never would I have thought yall would be social media influencers” I said smiling

“Thank you. It’s something we picked up junior year right after you left” Chris said

“And honestly we never expected to get as popular as we did” Nick said

“Yall deserve it! You guys are so genuine and amazing” I said smiling

“Thank you” Matt said smiling at me

“Well tell us about Arizona” Chris said sitting across from me

“There’s nothing to tell really, I finished school there and I went to college for three years, but uh I just dropped out. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I felt like I was living my life for my dad, and not me” I said

“Make any friends?” Chris asked me

“Honestly no….people were kind of turned off by me…I talked to some people here and there, but friends” I said shrugging my shoulders

“Bullshit! You were too cool for them anyways” Nick said rolling his eyes

“I was just so glad to get out of there and get away from my dad and his weird bitchy girlfriend” I said

“Didn’t like step mommy?” Nick asked laughing

“Ew you weirdo! No I didn’t” I said laughing

“So tell us more” Matt said looking at me

“That’s literally it” I said

“What??? No parties, no boyfriends, no nothing?” Chris asked

“Mm there was this one boy” I said rolling my eyes

Matt's body language shifted at that

“Do tell” Nick said

“Well he was coworker at one of my jobs, that was my first mistake” I said laughing

“Boyfriend or just like a boy toy?” Chris asked wiggling his eyebrows

“I don’t even know to be honest. Like one minute he wanted to be with me and then the next he didn’t? I wasted a whole year on his ass” I said rolling my eyes

“A year?” Matt said raising his eyebrow

“Yeah….from 19 to 20. Worse time honestly. He was talking to other girls. He like deleted everything off his phone, but one day left his Apple Watch home, and I looked at it, and there was a fucking Tinder code that was sent from the night before” I said laughing

“Oh god” Nick said

“Honestly good riddance I was never more happy to leave someone” I said

“Enough about me what about you guys” I said

“Well honestly we’ve just been focusing on our YouTube career, and we live part time here and part time in LA” Matt said

“Ouu nice sounds like fun” I said

“Oh it is. It’s amazing the amount of people who support us. It’s a blessing really” Matt said

“What about the dating scene for you guys?” I asked

“Mmm just a bunch of dead end talking stages” Nick said

“Oh what? That sucks yall are amazing, anybody is lucky to have you guys” I said

“Most people just want to use us” Chris said shrugging his shoulders

“Ew shallow” I said making a face

“Very” Matt responded

“Um I wasn’t sure if you guys wanted to hang over at my house” I said offering

“That would be so much fun, we haven’t been there in five years” Chris said

“Come on then” I said hopping off the chair

We left and walked over to my house. My mom was sleeping on the couch with one of her reality tv shows playing

“We can go to my room, but beware it’s still the same from when I was 16. I’m just starting to fix it” I said looking at them

“Oh that’s like a time capsule” Nick said

“It sure is” I said laughing and walking up the stairs

We got into my room, Nick and Chris immediately sitting on my bed. Matt was kind of looking around

“So many memories in here” he said out loud

“Woahhhh” Chris said laughing

“Not like that you weirdo fuck” Matt said laughing

My mom must’ve placed my Polaroids back on my vanity because Matt picked them up

“Oh god I look horrible” he said laughing

“No you don’t! We were 16 what did you expect” I said laughing

“You look the same” he said

“Oh god….I was ugly at 16” I said looking at matt

“Well no obviously you got older, but I don’t know your smiles still the same, and you still have that shine in your eyes” he said smiling and putting the Polaroids down

“I’m shocked after being with my dad for so long” I said laughing

Matt sat down on my bed along with his brothers as I decided to try and clear out some more things

“I hope you don’t mind I’m clearing some stuff out” I said looking at them

“No do your thing” Matt said

I was bent over picking something up when my shirt lifted a little bit

“IS THAT A FUCKING TATTOO” Nick yelled

Flashback

“I don’t like tattoos….I don’t know I feel like why cover your body you know” I said sitting with the three boys

“I think they’re cool, you can express yourself that way” Nick said

“You can express yourself other ways too instead of covering your skin” I said

“I’m sure I’ll be tatted up by the time I’m 20” Matt said

“You better not” I said looking at him

“You’ll never get a tattoo?” Chris asked me

“No never… I don’t like them” I said shaking my head

“Yeah right! I bet when you’re 20 you’ll be covered in tattoos” Chris said scoffing

“Will not!” I said smacking him

“Y/N I KNOW YOU! I promise you, you will” he said rolling his eyes at me

Flashback Over

“Uhhh” I said turning around and looking at them

“The queen of don’t cover your body! I fucking called it” Chris said in a mocking voice

“Oh shut up people change” I said rolling my eyes

“Never expected you to get one” Matt said looking at me

“Mmmm hate to break it to you, but I’m covered in tattoos” I said laughing

“Shut up!” Nick said

I took off my long sleeve sweater to expose my arms, uppper back and collarbone areas peppered with patchwork pieces

“Yoooo whatttt” Chris said getting up to look at my tattoos

“I know…I was such a hypocrite” I said laughing

“Those are nice as fuck” Matt said looking at my arms

“Thanks! That’s actually something that helped me a lot in Arizona. Being able to express myself through art on my skin” I said

“I told you” Nick said

“I knowwww” I said rolling my eyes

They were at my house for a while before Chris and Nick decided to head home, but Matt and I were so deep in convo he decided to stay

“I feel like we never separated. Like it’s crazy how we can just pick back up where we left off” I said to Matt

“I know right. Such a comforting feeling” he said

“It is, I never had anything like you guys in Arizona” I said

“Yeah when you left…it just wasn’t the same at all” he said back

“Yeah those first 6 months were so hard for me” I said shaking my head

“Yeah me too. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you” he said staring at me

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I mean I never really stopped thinking about you” I responded

“I didn’t either. Most nights I would lay awake wondering how you were doing, what you were doing, who your friends were….if you had a new boyfriend” He said laughing lightly

“I wondered too….about if you had a new girlfriend” I said looking at him

“I tried, but nobody was ever you” he said lowly

“I think that was my issue too, I looked for you in every guy” I said giving him a half smile

“As did I with every girl” he said

“Did umm…did those feelings ever go away?” I asked looking at him

“Umm eventually they did after a good year and a half, but you were always at the back of my mind” he said

“You were always at the back of my mind too” I said

“Seeing you today…it uh it brought back all those memories” he said fidgeting with his hands

“Good ones I hope” I said smiling

“Always good ones” he said looking at me again

“It was like seeing you for the first time again” he said swallowing deeply

“Did you feel anything?” I asked him

“I felt whole again, I felt butterflies like I always would when I saw you” he said looking down

“Matt you haven’t changed one bit, such a sweet lover boy” I said smiling at him

“Did umm did you feel anything?” He asked me

“I did…..I felt 16 again…..it took me back to that night we laid in the field and you told me you loved me, and how complete I felt” I said smiling at him

“That was my favorite night” he said smiling back at me

“I missed you” I said to him

“I missed you too” he said back

We looked at each other while we let the silence engulf us. Matt was so beautiful, he had an amazing soul and a kind personality. To say I was still in love with Matt would be an understatement. I have never wanted to freeze a moment more than now…

Matt and I both started to lean in mindlessly…letting the moment get to us. Staring into each other's eyes, our hands getting sweaty, our hearts beating out of our chest. All like we were 16 again…..but we weren’t. So I pulled away

“I uhhh wow I didn’t realize how late it is” I said looking at the clock on my nightstand

“Oh yeah! And you’re probably tired from traveling. I’ll head out and uhh maybe we can hangout tomorrow?” He asked awkwardly getting off the bed

“Uhh yeah that would be great” I said also getting off the bed

“Well um goodnight” he said nodding his head

“Good night” I said smiling at him

He looked at me for a moment in silence

“Oh uh I’ll walk you out” I said

“Ummm yeah sure” he said

God why was this so awkward? He almost kissed me, and I backed away, and was making it horribly awkward for him. Did I want to kiss him? I mean I did…but I couldn’t right? Or could I?

As I was fighting in my own head Matt and I walked down the stairs and to my front door.

I can’t just let him walk out right? Why did I pull away? This was all I ever wanted? For five years I wanted nothing more than to lay in his arms and kiss him. Matt was my everything….what am I doing?

Matt opened my front door, and began to walk out

“Uhh Matt?” I asked shyly, mentally smacking myself

He turned around quickly his eyes lighting up

“Yeah Y/N?” He said smiling

“Uhh it was great to see you” I said awkwardly

“It was great to see you too” he said laughing

“Well uhh goodnight” I said

“Goodnight” he said waving at me

He turned back around and got down to my first step. MAKE A MOVE my head screamed at me

“Wait uhh Matt” I said again reaching out for him

“Yeah?” He said turning around again smiling

“I ummm I love your new look” I said, y/n WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

The love of my life is standing in front of me, and I’m acting like a shy school girl. I didn’t even act like this at 16. What is wrong with me

“Thank you, I like your new look too” he said giving me a funny look and smiling, and heading to turn back and walk down the steps

Y/N MAKE A FUCKING MOVE NOW, my brain screamed at me

“Matt” I said again

“Yes Y/N” he said turning to me slightly annoyed

I looked at him for a split moment reading his eyes, my heart pounding out of my chest, kiss him or tell him another stupid thing and have him walk away. Uhh fuck it

I walked out my front door, and pulled him in by his jacket smashing our lips together. In a beautiful long awaited kiss….a kiss that could solve every problem in my life. A kiss that could make time stop and heal all the world's problems. This was a kiss I’ve been needing for the last five years.

I pulled away both of us out of breath and looking into each others eyes

“I uh…sorry I don’t know what took over me” I said in a whisper backing away slightly

“Don’t apologize” he said looking into my eyes before reconnecting our lips again, his hands on my cheeks kissing me so lovingly. This was a hallmark movie type of kiss

Pulling away we looked into each others eyes again smiling now

“Fuck I’ve missed you” I said taking a deep breath

“I’ve missed you too” he said looking into my eyes

We pulled away from each other before he waved and started to walk towards his house

“Have a good night” I said to him

“You too” he responded

“Hey Matt!” I yelled

“Yeah?” He said looking at me

“Pick up your pants” I said giggling

He looked at me and laughing shaking his head

“Matt” I yelled out again

“Yes Y/N” he said in a sing song way

“I hate that jacket on you by the way” I said

He laughed “yeah I love you too have a good night” he said before getting across the street to his house

I smiled at him and waved good night before walking into my house and shutting the door. Smiling to myself and laughing

I felt 16 again….

The End

Hiii okay guys I hope you liked this one🥹🥹 I think I have some more ideas, but I’m not too sure😭😭. I’ll cook something up don’t worry 🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[cult-of-the-eye]

Jmart songs part two electric boogaloo:

Night Shift by Lucy Dacus (it's just so lonely coded, it's Martin's pov during his Peter Lukas arc)

This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory (obviously it's Jon's pov to Martin like come be lonely with me duh)

Kiss Goodnight by IDKHow (it's just such Jon working late while Martin was living at the archives and it sort of becomes domestic and they wish each other goodnight every night)

Your Best American Girl by Mitski (I don't know why but it just works. I think it's the mommy issues)

Everyone Adores You (at least I do) by Matt Maltese (this is so jealous pining Martin core oh my god)

Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse (Martin to Jon I just. trust me on this one.)

GOODBYE, MY DANISH SWEETHEART BY MITSKI (oh my god it's so fucking jmart coded I'm making a whole fucking post about this actually)

Hey Lover! By Wabie (you can imagine Jon dancing with Martin to this song it's such a Jon talking to Martin song)

Sweet Tooth by Cavetown (Jon to Martin. Like come on. Martin makes him tea and it's slightly sweet the way he likes it)

Never Love An Anchor by Crane Wives (yeah. it's jon to Martin. he thinks he's a burden by loving him and putting him in danger it's so fucking him)

The Moon Will Sing by Crane Wives (jesus Christ. So mag 160 lonely confession core)

Stress Relief by late night drive home (Martin sees his crush on Jon as a distraction from the stress of everyday)

And many others!!!

[elcpsstuff]

get him back! // Conrad Fisher

Synopsis: You and Conrad were in love, you still may be. You don’t know if you love or hate him, but you want him back.

Requests are open!!

Inspired by “Get him back!” By Olivia Rodrigo👏🏻

A/N: this song is SO conrad coded and I hope to see this in season 3 because this would sure as hell be me. Anyways enjoy and sorry I haven’t been too active !!

—

—

It was perfect, for almost a whole year.

You and Conrad had grown up together, every summer at his beach house. Your siblings and family would joke about how you two were meant to be even if Steven didn’t like it sometimes.

Last summer, you two kissed for the first time and the bond became even more unbreakable. You two being the oldest, you always felt more connected but being in love only intensified that, for better or for worse.

You knew Conrad had a reputation with girls, being so up and down with them. You thought it would be different because you believed you were different. You didn’t worry at all.

It was after Susannah died when everything broke down. Everybody knew it was coming, and even though you tried to prepare that did nothing for you. When she actually died, shit hit the fan and everything went out the window that you had planned.

He had pushed you away, apologized, made love with you, and then broke you. You hated him so much, but you loved him too. You remember the last night you two spent together. It was at his house stargazing right before Susannah died. He had promised you he wouldn’t let go, even if it was a lie.

2 months later, the mid July heat sticking to your skin from all the way outside, you stared at Conrad across the room. He had a blue flannel on that made him look so damn good, even if you didn’t want to admit it. He was drinking a beer, and you remembered how it used to taste on your lips. You loathed it now.

Still, you wanted to make him mad. Sad. Anything to regret how he treated you.

Do I love him do I hate him? I guess it’s up and down.

“You’re staring again, y/n/n.” Jeremiah patted your back and you groaned, grabbing a red cup and filling it with whatever liquid would make you forget.

“I’m not.” You protested.

“He still loves you, you know.” Those words made you heave. If he still loved you, why did he do the things he did? You hated him, you had to. But when you looked at him, drinking his beer looking hotter than you wanted him to, it was clear.

If I had to choose, I would say it right now.

You then looked around for somebody, particularly Belly or Taylor. You had a plan, but you needed somebody for it. Once you found Belly who was a little tipsy, you smirked.

“Hey Bells, who was that guy you were telling me about?”

She smiles drunkenly and points to the Corner the boy was in. His name was Matthew. He was nice, very attractive. No Conrad, but certainly good enough to get his attention.

Belly and Taylor had proposed the idea of you talking to him earlier, to get your mind off Conrad. They liked you two together, but we’re smart enough to know how bad the situation at hand was. You didn’t like the idea at first, but now it sounded sweeter than ever.

I wanna get him back.

You walked over to the boy, who was conveniently right in Conrad’s eye line. Perfect.

“Hey! You’re.. Matthew right?”

He smiled at you, putting his beer down to face you. “Yeah, call me Matt though. Taylor and Belly mentioned you, earlier.”

“Classic Taylor and Belly for you.” You coughed up a nervous laugh. You were never good at flirting with boys. For 16 years, you struggled to look at Conrad without blushing, you weren’t a natural like Taylor. You and Belly bonded over that.

You suddenly felt sad, because you remembered the way Conrad used to kiss you. The marks he left down your neck and when you whimpered, he’d kiss the spot to make you feel better.

Then you just felt mad and spaced back in to the boy standing in front of you.

“You okay?”

“Been better.” You take a beer from the cooler after tossing your red cup to the side quickly.

“Hey.. maybe we could dance a little?” Matt suggests and you want to puke but that’s when you notice Conrad, looking straight at you with jealously in his eyes. It’s tainted his whole face, you couldn’t help but crack a smile.

I wanna make him really jealous.

You watched as he took a swig at his beer before walking away, and you knew you had gotten him. You look back at Matt with a smile.

“Of course.”

—

You had been talking, dancing, and getting bored for about 30 minutes now. You hadn’t seen Conrad in a hot minute, and you were getting antsy. You didn’t want to assume the worst, but he was probably having sex with some girl.

Jealously was spinning in you. Why was this happening? You didn’t even know where he was, what he was doing but your insides curled up at the thought of it.

Matt was getting more touchy by the minute, and you knew what he wanted but Conrad was no where to be seen. Getting bored yourself, maybe a little make out wouldn’t be so bad.

When you leaned into Matt, his lips tasted like beer, bitter beer but not like Conrad’s. Conrad’s lips reserved a taste only for you that you couldn’t get enough of. Heaven was when he kissed you, held you, gripped your thighs.

It was a swift movement that pulled you two apart, to show the man himself in front of you. Conrad.

“We need to talk, now.”

“Con—”

Before you could finish he was grabbing your arm harshly and pulling you away. Matt quickly pulled you back, and you suddenly felt embarrassed. For him.

Conrad was on quick fumes, little patience to none. He came close to Matt and he was taller than him, overtaking him greatly.

“Leave her alone, dick. Who the hell are you?”

Conrad laughed, “Her boyfriend.”

You gulped and Matt became hesitant to challenge Conrad any longer. He quickly ran away, not even sparing the two of you a glance.

Conrad looked back over to you and then gripped your waist, pulling you away from the crowd. You’d be lying if you said his touch didn’t set you ablaze, but you were too angry to care.

Conrad pulled you into one of the empty bedrooms, slamming the door shut. You rolled your eyes, sitting on the bed.

“Conrad—”

“Shut up.” Conrad slams you down onto the bed and you wince just a little bit. This would’ve been a turn on in any other circumstance but you couldn’t tell if he wanted to kiss you or hit you.

“Stop being dramatic, Conrad!”

“You think I’m enjoying this, yn? This thing we’ve been doing for 2 months? It’s hell and your off fucking other guys.”

You laughed, a fake laugh, “Me talking to other guys is fucking them? Seriously?” If anyone walked in on your two fighting, your faces inches apart like this it would probably look ridiculous.

Then, a smile cracked your lips, “You jealous?”

“This isn’t fucking funny, yn.”

“Well you were the one who told Matt your my boyfriend.” You protested. Conrad knew you could be stubborn, and bratty at times but he always found it cute. Not now.

“Your such a little brat, yn.” Conrad’s grip around your waist tightened on the bed and you whimpered around.

“Your the one who fucked us, Conrad.” he didn’t expect you to admit it in such a low and sad whisper. It caught him off guard.

Wanna make him feel bad.

“y/n/n..”

“No, don’t say anything. It leads back to where it always goes, Conrad. Just say it, you don’t fucking love me.”

“I don’t love you? You clearly don’t give a shit about us if your talking to other guys.”

“So you don’t love me? Or you do?”

He paused, “Do you?”

Cause then again I really miss him, and it makes me feel sad.

Conrad’s mouth was over your lips, fanning them. One word. He could be yours again.

“Connie..”

That was enough to have Conrad kissing the shit out of you. He left a trail going down your neck, no part being unnoticed. It was almost like he was worshipping you.

Moans and whimpers came from your mouth, but you didn’t miss Conrad quickly kissing the spots he had left marks, particularly the one that was already dark purple.

Your hands tugged through his hair, and he is face fell into the crook of your neck. The mood had suddenly changed, from wanting and needing to honest and pure fucking love. Love you had for each other.

“Take me back, please baby.” Conrad breathed out against your ear. You were so weak right now you prayed that you could keep it together.

You kissed the side of his head, as he was now cuddling up to you against the pillow. “Con..”

“I’m sorry, so sorry for everything. I fucked up, I know. I just had so much shit— and I know it’s not an excuse. Please, I love you. It’s been hell, i’m jealous, so fucking jealous.”

He traced patterns on your arms and you whispered sweet nothings into his ears. He was 5 again. So vulnerable, in front of you. You needed, wanted him too.

“It’s okay.. don’t worry, we’re gonna figure this out.”

“I love you.” You sighed in relief.

“Let’s go home Connie, okay?” You felt him nod against you.

It was a crazy night, that was for sure.

Oh, I don’t know, I got him good, I got him really good.

—

There you go!! Hope you all enjoyed it and I hope it fed you all because I can’t get this song out of my head. ;)

Wayyy longer than I expected btw omg<3

[p-oisn]

associate your moots with your fav song, now!!

HAIIII !!

@obrigados ♡

this is literally what cá's blog sounds like argue with the wall idk ...

@yeritos ♡

prettiest song for the prettiest blog ever ... this song has my heart doing flips ill tell you that ! it will forever be one of my favs

@minslune ♡

the way magnolia is sooo barbs coded ITS CRAZYY like my baby is the prettiest ever !!!

@wiotas ♡

glue song has ALWAYSS reminded me of leo !

@jkookologist ♡

idk i js love this song !! n it also js reminds me of teetee

@koosuvi ♡

i love this song n mar they're both my favourite things ever

@jaes1lvr ♡

listen it makes sense in my head OKAY ....

@f-loqweres ♡

smth abt pain is so karapan pucchi coded !

@tookio ♡

this song is soo pretty js like her blog idk what to tell you

@jenfaery ♡

mari always gives me fun fresh vibes , even interacting with her feels so refreshing ><