#this was after brief googling tbh

[autistic-zukoao3]

That Autism Mood when it's time to Info Dump Immediately

Funny story related to this song: My grandpa is someone who will absolutely make up bullshit on the spot if you ask him something he doesn't know. My mom asked him if he knew what the title (Adiemus) and so he told her it was Latin but couldn't recall what it meant.

This is because it is not Latin. In fact, it's not any real language at all! The writer, Karl Jenkins (and maybe others? Idk) just made up words that flowed nicely with the song. It's a fictional language, rather than any real, recognized language.

[mixes-archive]

König NSFW Alphabet 😊

Requested by: my bbgs and a lot of simps. In all my time as an archivist (maybe a few months at best), I haven't seen something requested as much as this.

This is mostly gender neutral and includes stuff for both afab and amab readers

A = Aftercare

(what they’re like after sex)

"Ach du heilige... Schatz, geht's dir eh gut?"¹

Very worried.

No matter if he's been top or bottom, dom or sub, gentle or rough, he'll be so worried he hurt you in any way.

Give you a quick massage and clean you up. Depending on if you're doing anything after, he'll either take a bath with you or just a brief shower.

B = Body part

(their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He really likes his arms, mans trained years for his muscles to be as defined as they are and being able to carry you with them just gives him a real boost of confidence.

Is weak to your thighs <3 Could spend hours just laying on or massaging them.

C = Cum

(anything to do with cum, basically)

Yum yum in his tum tum😋🍽️

No matter how he made you cum, mans will absolutely devour that shit, no exceptions.

D = Dirty secret

(pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

AFAB: Would love for you to sit on his face while his mask is on, just imagining feeling you through the fabric and how you soak through it makes him hard

AMAB: sucking you off with the mask on, half the fabric draped over your stomach, hiding his next move and having to look directly into his eyes. He gets weak in the knees at the thought.

E = Experience

(how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Man had zero rizz in his childhood, you're his first everything actually. If you don't have any experience either, you're kinda fucked lmao

F = Favorite position

(this goes without saying)

Any with direct eye contact, or you being on top of him.

G = Goofy

(are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's funny, but not intentionally. He's really creative when it comes to swears, so it's easy to make you giggle with them.

H = Hair

(how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Bald or something, I don't know how this works with men and I am NOT about to Google it.

I = Intimacy

(how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

König is dropping all the nicknames he can think off, constantly caressing your face or body. He'll also try to set the mood as best as possible beforehand.

J = Jack off

(masturbation headcanon)

Does it a lot tbh. He's big big and knows it can affect you for a few days after, so he'll only fuck you if you ask.

K = Kink

(one or more of their kinks)

Mask kink, size kink, praise kink goings both ways. What else is there? Oh yeah.

This man definitely has a mommy kink, you cannot convince me otherwise.

L = Location

(favorite places to do the do)

Probably the couch or the bathtub, he isn't into other people potentially seeing you at all.

M = Motivation

(what turns them on, gets them going)

You. That's it. You could be wearing a hoodie that should've been washed long ago and he'd go "omg I'd hit"

N = No

(something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to do with degredation. Doesn't like insulting you and likes being insulted even less.

O = Oral

(preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

König would willingly be between your thighs until his lungs give out. He's really big, so this is the best option in his opinion. (also just really into the way you react to him and your taste).

Would only let you suck him off occasionally and after a loooonnggg while of being in a relationship. You'd have to beg him to do it lmao

P = Pace

(are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

König likes being slow and hitting all the right spots, but he can speed up if you ask politely enough. Much prefers to go slow in a borderline teasing way tbh.

Q = Quickie

(their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Prefers taking his time, but with how packed your schedules can be, there's not really another option. Sometimes when you're on a long term mission, you get so desperate you have a quickie, but that's the last resort.

R = Risk

(are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes and no. He'd like to experiment with you a bit, but there are just some things he wouldn't do like public sex, non-con, etc...

S = Stamina

(how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

König lasts for HOURS. This is a trained military man, his stamina is through the roof and on its way to space. You could be panting, struggling to catch your breath or move, and he'll ask if you want another round.

T = Toys

(do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Didn't see the sense in toys before meeting you, but he has a small bullet vibrator for you stashed away somewhere.

U = Unfair

(how much they like to tease)

When he gets the opportunity, he does like to tease a little. Would stop if you ask though.

V = Volume

(how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Swears a lot. Like a lot a lot. He's still more vocal than you'd expect otherwise. Lots of grunts and moans between the swears.

W = Wild card

(a random headcanon for the character)

You wore thigh highs once and he can't get enough of them now. He tends to rip them, but is constantly buying new ones to make up for it.

X = X-ray

(let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Big. Too big, perhaps. Long and girthy. Have fun getting that anywhere in you.

Y = Yearning

(how high is their sex drive?)

Very high, is down to clown almost every single day. And with that I mean he just wants to make you scream his name so loud the squad members become concerned he's holding you hostage.

Z = Zzz

(how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Honesty, he's more awake after than he was before. Makes him feel like he just injected five shots of espresso right into his veins.

¹ "Holy... Treasure, are you okay?"

A/N: Being a lesbian in this economy is hard, but I'll gladly take the L so you can all continue to simp for the only relevant austrian representation in this day and age

[multiland]

96 liners reaction to you getting turned on by reading a smutty book:

He would probably get curious when he notices you're invested

Would probably either sit beside you or lean against the backrest of the sofa and rest his chin on your shoulder, innocently as only he could be

"What are you reading?"

You'd tell him it's a love story and he'd just hum in acknowledgment, moving back to rest his back against the armrest, probably distracting himself with his phone or tv

Would glance at you every now and then whenever you started squirming

His lips would curl up in a smirk when you started pressing your thighs together

"Are you okay?" He'd ask, confused

Wouldn't be entirely sure you're saying the truth when you say you are

"What is that book about? You look kind of flushed"

You'd giggle and tell him it's something smutty

"Smutty? What does that mean? Sexual?"

You'd nod and bite your lip and he'd be the one to blush when you tell him how hot it is

"So what does it say that you think it's hot?"

You'd tell him and he'd stay quiet, picturing in his mind everything you mention

After a brief moment, he'd finally break the silence with a call of your name

When you look at him, he'd look a bit shy, so he'd chuckle nervously

"Do you...Uh, want to tell me more about it? And maybe we can... Recreate it, if you'd like."

Would read the name of the novel backward, brows furrowed

"What book is that?"

You'd tell him it's just a romance novel, cause if he knows there's more to it, you wouldn't live it down

He'd notice you start shifting, acting nervous

"What's gotten into you? Is it some scary thing?"

When you shake your head, he wouldn't be entirely convinced

He then googles the name of the book and reads the summary

His eyes would widen and a loud gasp would leave his mouth and startle you, making you look at him in utter confusion

He'd point an accusatory finger at you

"It's sexual! Really? When I'm right here?!"

"That's why you were biting your lip! You were turned on! Is it sexier than me?"

You'd roll your eyes and with a groan stand up to go to read somewhere else

But he'd follow you after calling out your name

"Hey! Where are you going? You know I was joking!

You'd stop to look at him with a raised brow

"A joke. Ha ha. I know I'm way hotter than your novel."

You'd glare at him and continue walking

You'd plop down on your bed, back against the headrest and continue to read

He'd stay silent for a second, calculating his next move

He'd sit on his side of the bed, playing with the fabric of the sheets with a pout on his lips, saying "babyyyy"

When you groan and ask him what he wants, he'd grin

"You're so sexy when you get mad and make me beg. Do you want me to show you I can make you feel even better than that dirty book ever could?"

Wouldn't really notice tbh, he'd be minding his own business playing his games

But since you'd be turned on, you'd go find him, stand behind his gaming chair with your arms around his neck

He'd smile and caress your arms after giving you a quick glance, looking back at his game immediately

"Hey, thought you were reading."

You'd hum and start placing kisses on his neck

"Was it boring?" You'd hum negatively, and then it'd hit him."

He'd pause the game when your hands slid under his shirt to touch his chest

He'd grab your wrist and move them away so he can turn his chair to face you

"Wait, what's gotten into you? What were you reading?" With an arched brow

"Just something... A bit spicy." You'd say, and he'd smirk

"Did you get turned on by a book?" He'd ask, and you'd pout in embarrassment, so he'd chuckle

You'd whine and attempt to walk away, but he'd stop you with a hand around your wrist, pulling you enough to have you almost straddling him

"That's cute"

"Didn't say it was a bad thing, silly"

Would caress your thighs with his hands, still smirking as he continues looking at you

His hand would cup your jaw, his thumb caress the flesh

"Do you want me to take care of you? But if I do, you won't enjoy that book as much anymore. You know that, right?"

He'd be sitting at his desk, working on some music before he notices you've been unusually quiet

He'd turn round, put his headphones down and softly call your name

When you look up, he'd smile at you "What has you so quiet today?"

You'd show him the book with a small smile, he'd nod before standing up and sitting down next to you

"So what is that book about?" He'd ask, placing his hand on your thigh, with ill intentions, really

You'd tell him a bit, and he'd chuckle when you say you started reading it thinking it'd only involve romance, but now has gotten quite... Erotic

"Didn't peg you to be into that kind of stuff." He'd say, thumb rubbing circles on your skin. "I'm curious now, read a bit for me."

You hesitate, but when he promises he won't make fun of you, you do as he asked

He's calmy listening to your voice, everything seems fine

Until you can't shake the feeling of his hand on you while reading

You start messing up words and clearing your throat a few times

He glances at you and then laughs softly

His hand would start moving upward

"Your temperature is kind of rising." He'd say, shifting his position so he'd get a better look at you.

You'd glare at him and he'd just smirk, asking you to continue

And he'd keep moving his hand more, and more

"It's a bit explicit. A bit shameless just like my hand touching you right now, but you like that, don't you?"

You'd bite your lip and drop the book, he'd know he's got you where he'd want you.

"Thought so. Now let me give you the real thing."

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Staged 2 thoughts!! (this will take a Year because I have a Lot of feelings)

tl; dr at the end

Hmmm I don’t see how it’s a love story yet

Staged 1 works well enough on its own but the second season is really essential as a companion piece upping the emotional ante (which is exactly how I feel about Good Omens 1 & 2 lol)

The opening scene mindfuck; The meta! We have reached levels of irony not previously seen possible

Who do I thank for the tacky Zoom interview show background? It deserves top billing

HE DOESN’T WANT THE GOLDFISH TO BE LONELY (metaphor) and then it FUCKING DIES

Celeb cameos in season 1 being all “hey! I like you!” in season 2 like “you are tearing them apart. I hate you. scum

Also the themeing of Michael Sheen and David Tennant being on their own “side” VS everyone else……….. Simon Mr. Writer Sir i see u and unfortunately i am in your walls

The writing feeling less theater-y works for the meta and I’m wondering whether they always had a second season in mind or if it’s just that well written

Was really hoping for a Colin Firth & Hugh Grant cameo ngl :/

The music didn’t annoy me as much this season since it was more of the horn oomp-pah-pah than the piano. Idk maybe my mind just changed

I didn’t know Whoopie Goldberg could be terrifying but here we are (also I forgot her name isn’t Whoopie)

“I think the wizard fucked your ass” ???

Setting up the awards and the baby was peak *pops P* comedy 🤌 Definitely needed since it gets Sad as it goes on

Welsh kink spotted!!! And so fucking blantant I was scandalized

“I’ll shove it up my ass where the rest of the excrement goes” Michael casually asking David to peg him. Nice

More bad magic. More pls and ty

Also moar Nina pls. T’was but a brief beautiful bluster in the wind

Tbh missed a lot of Michael & David’s back-and-forths VS season 1 but I get that’s… the point

Everyone agreeing David is whiney and annoying lmao get wreck’t

Also I forgot they don’t have air conditioning in Englandland ‘cause my man is sweating in every scene he’s in (unless that was intentional in which case… go on…)

The ladies!! That meta ending with the Bechdel test… I see you…

Still love Georgia and Simon’s sister (who I apparently don’t respect enough to google her name); I like Anna now too! She’s got this kinda quiet sarcastic edge I didn’t notice the first time. They all played off each other well in their 3 some (phrasing) scenes

Big amongus sus react that Anna has better chemistry with the two of them than with Michael of which there is literally zero chemistry. Compared to Georgia and David who are just electric with each other it’s honestly distracting

Actual torture watching them break down as other actors play them and drive their friendship apart, it’s fascinating to watch especially on top of it being themselves but, like, not we swear

“Am I your best friend” “No” Fuckin REJECTED !! looser!!!

Oh huh I can see how this is a love story, interesting

The David Tennant fanboy (he is a Real actor I just can’t think of his name) served juicy vomiting SFX realness

“So you’ve made love with him” BROTHER

It took me 87 years to realize warthog and mongoose were in reference to Timon and Pumbah lol <- I am not looking up how to spell this

The bannister being part of the bookshelf why did this make me laugh this hard

Ken Jeong actually reaching into the heart of everything and casually tearing into it Temple of Doom style and leaving everything to ruin lmao

I miss people getting too close to me (feral noises)

Ewan McGregor is cute and I am shallow 🥰

AU where Simon Pegg and Nick Frost did Staged and honestly it would still work aside from being dangerously heterosexual

Simon & Nick doing the Staged 1 back and forth but literally? mmmm that’s sum gud meta

Oh right I forgot the actual writer Simon’s in it too. He’s still good. I like his Zoom tantrum

Jim Parsons unconvincingly looking for his phone after he casually tells David that he and Michael are obviously in love and everyone sees it lmao

David Tennant has the unique ability to make this absolutely insane face reserved specifically for the emotion “oh shit I’m in love with Michael Sheen” which like

I could kill the Good Omens costume department rn I stg take off those fucking sunglasses I’m so mad

Ohhhhhhhh yeah this is a love story

The Frozen snowman being the big bad final boss of cunt, oof you gotta love a good villain

Michael’s monologue the only one not in the kitchen area just breaking down completely I mean *claps until my hands fall off* he put his whole pussy into it. The frustration? The despair? I mean it felt like an audition monologue (in a good way) he walked through the valley in the shadow and death and came back a broken man with a fuzzier beard

CATE BLANCHETT ZOOM SNIPE

Apparently people didn’t like Phoebe Waller Bridge in the new Indiana Jones movie which I haven’t seen but idk I thought she was pretty funny and hot here. *ding*

MOOMIN MUG SPOTTED

The use of travel as a metaphor for feeling stuck emotionally *clenches fist*

“I like silence” *screaming from the other room*

“It’s like gas filling a room” <- fascinating way to describe their dynamic, it’s specifically referring to aimless conversations that snowball and “fill up a room” but it could also refer to the palpable energy between them— like even through the abstraction of a computer screen there’s this magnetic force that’s just riveting, it’s hard to describe

“We haven’t talked about love” > Seen at 2:17 PM LMAO

Michael alone with the black frame lingering shot. Acting and editing and directing choices so simple and on point. everything hurts

Struggling to say goodbye on Zoom physically reaching out unable to leave the frame that whole scene was just. You can just feel the love through the screen, it’s so layered and intimate despite essentially being “No you hang up first”

Zoom wedding! He stayed!!

I wonder if that’s Michael Sheen’s actual best friend. That would be cute

Anna whispering and telling him “nah I know your bestie is literally an hour away but he can’t come over lol” like??? why? let them love each other I cannot handle this villain arc

“I have to bring that one otherwise my tits will explode” Wait wasn’t she drinking earlier though? #ShivRoyMoment

“I was standing outside your job for four hours because I love you” <- dog from Up moment

Yes he is legally a Hobbit

The car window as an abstraction like the Zoom boxes *continued feral noises*

The direction of David putting his hand on the window and Michael walking away only then revealing Anna and the baby far in the background? We’re in 3 dimensions and they are all painful!!

Okay yeah I get it it’s a love story but I thought this was a comedy haha right guys why does everything hurt

It ends on that meta moment between David and Georgia which I can only assume is to set up for the third season although I dunno if that was planned at the time as well. It’s ambiguous but not distracting if they didn’t make another one

tl; dr: Staged 2 is a unique and excellent addition to Staged 1. The added meta textual layer of the other celebrities breaking down their relationship based on Staged 1 allows for a lot of “hiding behind my hands so embarrassed” moments, but also by pitting them against each other, it reveals their actual love for each other through the bickering. Season 1 on its own is a nice vignette of its time but season 2 with it adds a tension and intimacy that really takes both over the top

Kinda dreading watching Staged 3 since it seems like people overwhelmingly like it less than the other two because of the loss of the Zoom format and constant arguing, but I’m already in this far deep so I’ll stick the landing

To wit— awwwwwww, they love each other!

[kittyprincessofcats]

RWBY Volume 9 Episode 7 - The Perils of Paper Houses

Long story short: I’m so on Ruby’s side here that it’s borderline making me angry. I’m seeing a lot of “Ruby and Jaune are both right/wrong” takes and on this one I have to say no. While I sympathize with his trauma, I still think Jaune was 100% out of line here.

[tw for mentions of suicide]

I really can’t stand how some people are like “Why is Ruby yelling at people uwu?” as if we didn’t all want her to snap? She shoud have yelled more and gotten even angrier, tbh. She’s been suffering the entire volume and the others barely checked up on her. Of course she’s pissed at them for not noticing and just expecting her to pick up Cresent Rose and be fine.

Yes, Yang tried to ask if she was okay a few times throughout the volume, but it was always in a brief “Hey, you okay?” way, but not in a really meaningful “let’s sit down and talk about this, you’re clearly going through a lot” way. When Ruby passes out after hearing about Penny’s death, no one asks if she wants to talk about it. “No time.” (To be clear, I’m not blaming Yang for any this, the “Yang’s a bad sister” people need to shut up. Sometimes we have our own stuff to deal with and don’t notice that someone close to us is hurting. It happens. I’m just saying that from Ruby’s distorted, depressed, grief-ridden point of view, it might feel to her like Yang doesn’t care, even though that’s not true.)

Weiss tried to talk to Ruby about Penny and have that conversation, but after Ruby shut her out, there were several moments were that consideration didn’t come through. When Ruby couldn’t get to nose hairs on time, Weiss was the one to say “Ruby, come on. We got everything else.”

And in this scene Ruby is clearly torn up over Penny’s death, talking about how she was drawn to her sword, and no one talks to her about it or comforts her. Instead Weiss complains about how it’s “raining on just us” and then the team proceeds to talk about how to get back to Remnant while letting Ruby just sit there.

Heck, none of the others even commented on Ruby giving away her emblem!

And really, this might be my Nuts and Dolts shipper googles talking, but I think a lot of Ruby’s anger at her friends boils down to her grief for Penny. Penny was Weiss, Blake and Yang’s friend, too and yet none of them (from Ruby’s point of view) seem to be grieving for her. (Of course Ruby doesn’t know what happened after she passed out in episode one. For all we know WBY could have had a really long and deep conversation about Penny right there that we and Ruby missed.) But what Ruby sees is that they just all lost a mutual friend who meant a lot to Ruby in particular and the others seem to just be fine with it. Weiss is more busy mouring for a piece of land rather than a living person, a friend. Blake and Yang have are happy and sorted out their mutual romantic feelings, which Ruby sees as a betrayal because a) our friend just died, how can you think about romance and happiness right now? and b) she’s jealous that Blake and Yang get to be in love and together while the girl she loves just died. (Yes, that is my shipping googles talking, but it’s what makes the most sense to me.)

And then let’s look at this episode:

Right of the bat, Ruby’s not sleeping. How long has she not been sleeping for? Has anyone noticed that she’s always tired? Has no one noticed that her usual cheerful attitude has been completely gone for the entire volume? (Seriously, just rewatch bits of a older volume and the whiplash will hit you.)

Blake: “Ruby, where’s your weapon?” (translation in Ruby’s mind: You’re supposed to just be fine and fight like everyone else now.)

Ruby: “Oh, sorry, still waking up.”

Weiss: “Hurry! People are counting on us!” (Yeah, really not helping there. None of them noticed that she doesn’t want to pick up Cresent Rose or have the responsibility of protecting people.)

Blake: “He’s obviously been through a lot.”

Yang: “Yeah...”

Blake: “We can be frustrated later. Right now, Jaune needs us.”

Ruby’s thoughts: “Oh great, so when it’s Jaune, you recognize that he’s been through a lot and you think taking the time to be there for him is more important than moving on right away and trying to find a way out of here. But where was that energy for me? When I was suffering alone with Penny’s sword in my hand, you only talked about getting out of here asap and didn’t care to be there for me or take time for me. There was no ‘we can be frustrated about being stuck in a fairytale later, right now Ruby needs us’ for me.”

(And again, only Little notices that Ruby’s not okay.)

Weiss: “Then who does that leave us with? It’s obvious we need someone to guide us or we could end up getting thrown back in time, or killed by the tree or worse.” (Translation in Ruby’s head: “We can’t count on you to lead us.”)

^Everyone’s expression when listening to to purple paper-pleaser. (Ruby’s thoughts: “Oh great, they have compassion for someone they just met but when I’ve been low-key thinking of wanting to ascend and be someone else the entire time, none of them even picked up on it.”)

Jaune: “They don’t know what they want! Afterans are all either too smart, too stupid, or too crazy to trust!”

So Jaune not only doesn’t respect what the paper pleasers actually want, from the way he’s talking about them he doesn’t even seem to genuinely like them. The way he’s frantically trying to keep them from ascending is him coping with his own trauma of not being able to save people, but it’s all about him and how this makes him feel, not about them. Yes, Ruby was out of line calling them Jaune’s “make-believe friends”, but I don’t quite buy people’s “she insulted his family!” takes when Jaune himself doesn’t seem to really respect them.

“Wanting.” ... Yeah, there’s something here that Ruby’s not okay with and not over, I can’t quite put my finger on it.

God, I want to slap Jaune so hard right here. Accusing Ruby of “standing around” and telling her to help her teammates... Dude, first of all, who are you to give Ruby orders and snap at her? Last I checked you weren’t her boss or her team leader. And if you were observant enough to see Ruby not help her teammates, how did you miss the part where she didn’t even defend herself? She’s the one who just almost got eaten by a Jabberwalker becasue she was having panic attack and you’re blaming her? Shut up.

Yang: “Ruby? Are you o...”

And again, Yang tries to ask if Ruby’s okay but gets interrupted.

And this to Ruby must have felt like a betrayal in a way, too. Yang was about to ask her if she’s okay, they were all about to finally listen to her, but instead the village got destroyed and now everyone’s off comforting Jaune instead. (And the problem isn’t that they comfort Jaune, it’s that Ruby didn’t get this sort of comfort over Penny’s death. The paper pleasers aren’t actually dead, they’re getting reborn like they wanted. Penny - as far as we know - is actually dead and Ruby must be thinking “Where were my words of comfort? Where were all of you with your compassion when I needed it?”

So yeah, I 100% get Ruby snapping here, it was about time. And to me  “Oh, I’m sorry, should we be mouring Jaune’s make-believe friends?” definitely had the undertone of “I’m still mouring for my very real friend over here, who had her whole life ahead of her and was tragically murdered and who all of you seem to have just forgotten about.” (Of course Jaune did absolutely not forget, but Ruby doesn’t know that.) Also, given her friendship with Little I’d read this less as “they’re make-believe because they’re not real people” and more as “they’re your make-belive friends becasue you weren’t really being a friend to them.”

And also yeah, sorry, I’m not usally a Jaune hater, but he was 100% in the wrong here. I’m seeing some takes that “they both had some valid points” and no, they didn’t. “The walkers came for you because Neo hates you!” How is that Ruby’s fault? How is a crazy criminal being after her Ruby’s fault? “And let’s not forget the reason we’re in the Ever After in the first place: It’s becasue of your plan that didn’t work!” Jaune, did all those years here make you lose your memories or some shit? Because as I recall you all made that plan together. You all sat around that long table at Schnee manor and came up with this plan together. You, Ruby, WBY, Oscar, Ozpin, Penny, Emerald, Ren&Nora, Whitey, etc. But now that it didn’t all work, it’s suddenly just Ruby’s plan? Nah, shut up. And what else would you have suggested, Jaune? What other clever, better plan did you have up your sleeve? Ironwood was going to blow up Mantle if you all didn’t come up with something within an hour and you’re seriously blaming Ruby? Fuck all the way off.

And even in his apology, Jaune makes it all about himself. He doesn’t even really apologize to Ruby, he directs it more at WBY and then starts talking about his own pain, again taking the focus away from Ruby’s feelings. I do sympathize with Jaune, I really do. He had to do something horrible, had to deal the killing blow to a friend at her request and he’ll never be over that. Then he got transported back in time, had to spend all that time alone with his guilt and grief, couldn’t (as far as he knows) save Lewis either. I know he’s been through absolute shit, I’m not trying to not be compassionate here - but none of what he’s been through was Ruby’s fault in any way and blaming her when she’s already in such a fragile mental state was 100% unjustified and uncalled for. So yeah, I’m gonna say it: Shut up Jaune, she should have punched you.

“On that bridge... I was the only one that could do it, I was the only one!”

Yeah, about that... Ruby still doesn’t know what exactly happend with Penny. She and Jaune had their fight and that still didn’t even come up. I saw some people say that we’re supposed to assume Jaune told them off-screen, but I really don’t think so. The writers wouldn’t leave something that big that Ruby should have a huge reaction to for off-screen, imo. And if they did that’s terrible writing. (Still, Blake and Yang look like they know what he’s talking about?? Idk, this left me confused. I really hope we’re still getting our scene about that.)

Their faces when Ruby tells Blake to shut up. I think (or at least I hope) it hit everyone here that Ruby’s really not okay and needs more than just a little pep talk to be okay again. (No amount of trying to stay positive is going to bring Penny back. I know I’m looking at this through a shipper lense, but like...)

[pastelroyce]

I've been tagged ages ago by @dandenbo @mtreebeardiles and @sh00kspeared on different ask memes of the sort (thank you all for tagging me) and I'm in a sharing mood so I thought it'd be fun to just...compile them together because i'm insane

3 fave ships:

Johnny/m!V, Vik/m!V, mShenko; these three are always on rotation in my head amongst all my other ships atm.

First ship:

...it...um...uh.

Sonic/Shadow. Sigh.

Favorite childhood book:

I had a very, very brief phase of being into Eragon when I was in 7th grade or something (I'm talking very brief as in I never finished the first book)

Currently reading:

Not really anything currently, but the last fanfic I read was the spoils, the spoils by kindly on ao3 (E rated Vik/m!V fair warning). As far as physical reading material the last thing I read was 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing by Gary Provost.

Currently watching:

I don't actively watch shows/movies on my own time. I get too antsy at the idea of watching one continuous thing if I'm not like...purposefully determined to watch something (even then I need a break). The last time we used our streaming account was to watch Adventure Time, bf wanted to rewatch the show.

Fave color:

Basically everything in the circle, on the brighter/pastel side. Primarily pink tho.

Song stuck in head:

Right now it's Desperado by the Eagles

Last song listened to:

Chinatown by Jets to Brazil. Whenever i get around to making a playlist for my corpo V it's going on there.

Fave food:

Oh my god, there's so many. Tacos, good marbled brisket, hamburger.......

Spicy/sweet/savory:

Gimme it alllllllllllllllllllll

Currently craving:

Something fried and greasy and yucky because I've been stressed af all day

Last googled:

German Spitz for werewolf au purposes

Are you named after anyone?:

Yes! As a matter of fact! A book character with a name I vibed with immediately.

When was the last time you cried?:

A few weeks ago, can't even remember what it was tbh.

Do you have kids?:

I get bad baby fever from time to time, but something I came to terms with a while ago is that I'm too selfish to want children in my life. I value my privacy and alone time too much to disrupt that.

What sports do you play/have you played?:

I did karate and soccer when I was a wee lad. Neither interested me after a certain point.

Do you use sarcasm?:

Mostly when I know it'll be telegraphed as Being Funny, but I tend to do so unintentionally otherwise.

What is the first thing you notice about people?:

Hair usually, or whatever they're wearing

What's your eye color?:

Brown

Scary movies or happy endings?:

Happy endings I guess? It's been a while since I've seen a movie...

Any talents?:

I have a knack for drawing silly cartoon faces if that counts...

Where were you born?:

Island in the PNW

What are your hobbies?:

Drawing, writing and playing video games mostly. I like to daydream about having new hobbies too, if that counts.

Do you have any pets?:

BABY BOY 🫵 BABY

How tall are you?:

Like 5ft4in or something, very middle of the road.

Favorite subject in school?:

Art and history were my fave in school

Dream job?:

At this point I've given up on the idea of a specific dream job and now just want something that'll keep a roof over my head and let me get take out guilt free lol

[familyabolisher]

have you ever talked about the 'spoiler' in fiction and your thoughts about it? i remember you wrote something in connection to nabokov's 'you can only reread a novel' but I fear i may be mistaken (if so, please ignore. have a great day!)

I know the post you mean but I can't find it :( Tumblr's search function stays winning, I guess. To do a brief rundown on my position on 'spoilers' and specifically their relationship to critical work:

I don't have an especially strong position on like, avoiding vs not avoiding spoilers and how conscientious we should be about it in the sorts of environments where avoidance is possible. I try to tag for spoilers when I think it's appropriate; I'm personally not that bothered by spoilers, but like, I'm not mad at people who are. Whilst I think that knowing the 'twists' in a narrative ahead of time can be a fun way of noticing how they're set up (I love to google the plots of things I'm reading/watching so I can pay more attention to narrative construction and less to actually following the plot lmfao), I don't think you can just dismiss out of pocket the value of the emotional reaction that first meeting with a 'twist' can bring + how a reliance on that response can sometimes carry a narrative in ways that aren't necessarily weak or floundering. Some genres rely more on a lack of 'spoilers' than others; a narrative which relies heavily on hermeneutic codes, such as the murder mystery narrative, locates success in a particular balance of concealing and revealing information to the end of audience satisfaction that 'spoilers' can tamper with, sometimes unfairly. That said, when I'm writing critical essays on an external platform (ie. like, writing a Substack essay rather than doing a longform post on here) where a reader's access to it is wholly at their own discretion, I'm not going to be playing the 'writing about this work without giving away a spoiler' game, and I think doing so (even in reviews…..tbh……) is critically lazy; or, more charitably, at least inefficient.

What I mean to express is my frustration with how this excoriation of the "spoiler" (and specifically the placing of an onus on the audience to not "spoil" a work for others) places severe limitations on the scope and capability of the pop critical sphere. A lot of pieces on popular culture will try to posit a critical reading of a work without delving into "spoiler" territory; as such, they'll severely limit the terrain they can actually work on. (A Substack essay I wrote on Severance a while back responded to a Severance piece that suffered from this issue; the piece was bad for lots of reasons lol but one of them was that it couldn't actually delve into its topic with any depth or nuance because the writer couldn't write about any major plot beats not established in the premise or like, the first episode.)

Like, a text isn’t a linear body where any point that you might choose to talk about is solely accountable to the narrative events that have come before it and bears no relation to those that will come after; a text is more like a set of moving parts which all work in relation to one another to construct a cohesive whole. The very process of constructing a narrative relies on 1. the existence of an audience who only hold knowledge of the events that have happened so far up to and including whatever point they’re at in the text, and 2. the notion of all parts of the narrative exerting a force on all other parts of the narrative, of the ‘early’ sections of a narrative being, in a sense, ‘aware’ of their later sections; of the later events shaping the earlier just as much as the earlier shape the later. Obviously it’s possible and valuable to talk in-depth about an unfinished text; cf. for example, ongoing book series, TV series, similar such serialisations where the critic does not have a closed, completed narrative in front of them; but a) often those serialised works will be broken down into smaller units with internal narrative cohesion (one series of a TV show, one book in a series) wherein the criticism emerges from balancing out the tension between negotiating that internal cohesion and speculating on where the open-ended questions posed by the unit might lead, and b) this is fundamentally a different process to just … pointing to the vague opening ‘themes’ of a piece and failing to elaborate in any way because to do so would be ‘spoilers.’

The issue I’m articulating is mostly one wherein this particular form of pop criticism begins to perform the function of advertising before it engages its readership enough to start an actual process of interrogation and evaluation around the work in question. The attempt to talk about something whilst only making reference to the bare bones of its plot + avoiding the major narrative 'twists' severely constricts what you can talk about; it's just not good criticism, and I think this overfocus on never 'spoiling' something for others rather than expecting people to develop some discretion about what secondary material they read creates this impetus to essentially sell something to your audience rather than just … talk about it as a holistic piece. It does a disservice to the work in question and it does a disservice to your own critical faculties, lol?

I don't know how much this matters in the grand scheme of things, when critical practice is becoming a little more dispersed; like, I'm thinking of a phenomenon specific to The Thinkpiece hosted by The (Relatively) Prestigious Platform, but criticism is happening on like, Substack and Goodreads and Tumblr and everywhere else, such that it's easily possible to seek out this actually penetrative analysis should you want to. I am mostly just like, having an old man yells at cloud moment about it.

Also to be clear I'm not like positing a Radical New Position on critical practice here or claiming that other forms of critical practice (such as like, a lit paper) are free of their own problematic aspects; it's really just explaining a personal irritation lmao

[doyl1st]

Sunday Funday Naughty Isaac Things

In regard to his actual canon, Isaac is pretty inexperienced when it comes to intimacy. He's had sex maybe five or six times in his life, and almost every encounter has just been a one night stand. It's always been pretty vanilla, too. He doesn't really know much beyond "Insert Part A into Slot B." His default is missionary, but he prefers being ridden. A lot of oral, though. Isaac's actually quite good at it and he enjoys having a woman's fingers curling into his hair.

He's bisexual but is only just now realizing it, so he's entirely inexperienced when it comes to men. Male romantic partners are going to have to teach him a lot. He's not above googling "gay sex tutorial" though.

When/if he's ever involved with a consistent partner, his sexual tastes really don't change too much. He's not into anything particularly kinky, but he's definitely up for indulging in his partner's kinks. With women he still prefers to be ridden, but is perhaps a touch more whiny and needy about it. Eager to please, though. If he's not on the bottom, he's a service top. With men, he prefers to be a bossy power bottom. Sometimes he does just like being lazy and getting pounded into oblivion, though. Ladies are also free to peg the life out of him.

He still likes giving oral, of course. It gives him this sort of 'in control but still servicing' feeling that he likes. He likes giving his partner pleasure, taking care of them. He'll almost always swallow when he's blowing a dude, too.

In general, Isaac just loves to take care of his partners. It makes him feel good to know that they're feeling good. He'd make a very good sugar daddy, tbh.

He doesn't have a specific type of person he likes, but there are a few common traits he gravitates towards. He likes people who are fun and exciting, adventurous types who will get in and out of trouble with him. But he also likes the gentle sorts, ones that will cradle his face and tell him his miserable feelings will pass.

He likes people who are intelligent. They don't need to be geniuses or anything, or even particularly book-smart. Just the types who can hold an interesting conversation and tell him all about a subject. He loves to see the passion people have for their interests.

He's got a bit of a soft spot for men he feels he can take care of. It's not a predatory thing where he looks for guys in need or anything, but if someone is willing to be vulnerable with him he definitely feels an impulse to look after them.

On the other hand, though, he likes women that can kick his ass. Strong, independent ladies really get him going. They intimidate him as much as he admires them. Make him fear for his life and pop a lil boner, plz.

As I've said before, Isaac's got a pretty tiny dick. Less than four inches, about as thick as your thumb. Uncut with big round balls, though. His package fills out the white briefs he likes to wear pretty nicely, ones he usually wears with a typical pair of suit sock garters. Isaac's got a round belly and a soft chest, too. For the most part, he's pretty neutral about his physical appearance. Having a partner take a particular interest in his pudgy belly or his little dick would get him flustered in ways he'd never be able to describe, though.

[stereopticons]

oversharing on the internet

Thanks for the tags, @jettestar @celeritas2997 and @mostlyinthemorning ! Sorry this took me a minute, I just got home from traveling.

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

No, though I do have the same middle name as my mother. Her primary reasoning for naming me what she did was that she always wanted people to call her a “boy’s” name growing up but no one did and so she made my initials a “boy’s name” so that people would call me it (no one ever has). I wish someone would have told her you can ask people to call you whatever you want.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

About twenty minutes ago when I stepped on the pointy end of a toothpick that was stuck in a blanket on the floor (welcome home, I guess).

THREE: Do you have kids?

david rose absolutely not dot gif (I searched for it but tumblr hates me)

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I do, but sometimes I feel bad using it because I know many people struggle to understand it but it’s so deeply ingrained in the way I talk

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

For an un-athletic person, I seem to have tried a lot of things: soccer (grades 3-5), swimming (ages 6-15, this is the only one I was actually ok at but quit because it interfered with band), dance (ballet, jazz/modern, ballroom), tennis (one brief summer that my parents were trying to keep us occupied), fencing (college, this was so fun but it was too expensive to keep going), gymnastics (it was called tumbling actually because we were very small), yoga, weightlifting

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people?

I…don’t know. Is this a thing people know?

SEVEN: What's your eye colour?

Hazel-ish

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

This is a false dichotomy (and I’m bi so that exempts me from choosing between things)

(for legal reasons that’s a joke)

NINE: Any special talents?

Not unless you count making every conversation awkward.

TEN: Where were you born?

In a town that I still have to google to make sure I’m spelling it right.

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Theoretically, reading, writing, baking, crochet, playing music, staring at large bodies of water but tbh my brain has been so broken lately that I haven’t been doing much of any of them

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

Three small monsters of the cat variety.

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

Completely average.

FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school?

Does band count? Instead of taking calc my senior year of hs, I took three band classes because I was sure I was going to be a professional musician and insisted that all the math I needed I had learned by fifth grade (jokes on me, I ended up in a v math heavy field!)

FIFTEEN: Dream job?

Sometimes I still fantasize about quitting everything and opening a bakery/coffeeshop/bookstore/bar. Or going to work with the otters at the Monterey Bay aquarium. My ultimate dream musician jobs (see previous question) were to be a Broadway musician and/or own my own recording studio. Sometimes I miss that person.

I’m way late to this but if you didn’t get tagged, please consider this your tag.

[rosengeist]

Random thought, but it just was fun, and kind of nice for Christmas. Cleaning and Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella comes on. The one from the 90’s with Brandy that millennials love. You know, where the king is white, the queen is black, and somehow the prince is Asian, and not a single person cared. If anything we just lovingly adopted that as a quirk of the production. It’s been a while since I’ve watched it, but is there anything in the 90’s version that DEFINITIVELY states Whoopi is the prince’s biological mom? Like, does she at any point say “I gave birth to you”? Because I have an alternative that I think has something fun to it that enriches the story.

Maybe that’s not his biological mom. Maybe she just was the woman who raised him up. If so, and she is, technically, his stepmom, there is a kind of interesting balance there. You have Brandy who’s stepmom is awful, and who she wants a relationship with, but whom she is manipulated by, and then the prince who’s mom is just “mom”. If she is a step-parent then that bond is so healthy they don’t even add in the “step” suffix.

Even if she mentions “the day he was born” there is still a ton of leeway there, and it could imply she was herself a commoner at one point. Which…tbh makes it more understandable that the prince is looking for a wife amongst commoners. If there is a precedence for it in that kingdom, it wouldn’t be odd for him to 1.) marry a servant, 2.) for EVERY eligible maiden to assume she has a reasonable chance of marrying into royalty.

I mean I could be wrong, I adored that production as a kid, but I remember the songs more than the specifics. If I’m way off base, and there is something where the black queen is definitively, specifically identified as the Asian princes’ mom, let me know. But this makes more sense to me, and has more narrative resonance, even if it’s not specifically stated, then just “well Whoopi was very popular at the time.”

After some brief google searching, I actually think Montalban (the princes actor) has an explanation that kind of backs this up. It’s just a really loving family unit, regardless of how it may present to others. - https://ew.com/movies/movie-reunions/cinderella-prince-paolo-montalban-whoopi-goldberg-victor-garber-parents/

[stingyslegslookweird]

Curvier - a short essay-type thing

Okay, it's been 11 years, I have to share a theory. I'm fully aware that basically no one who currently follows me and/or pays attention to the things I post about will understand anything I'm about to say, but tbh I've put way too much into this to really care.

Anyway, you guys ever heard of TOME? :D

If not, it's this neat little 15-episode (technically 16 if you count /FILE:ZERO, 25 if you also count the Season 1 shorts, and 26 if you count all of those plus AvZ, the 5-year anniversary short) animated web series about two teenagers, an imp, a dragon-man, and a [REDACTED] who get together and fight criminals in VRchat.

Jokes aside, it's really good and you can watch it here. Seriously, go do that. It's so damn good. Today's the 11th anniversary, you literally have no excuse. At least watch episode one, otherwise the rest of this post will make absolutely no sense beyond the most surface-level of details.

Okay, done? You've watched Episode 1? Good, good. So...

In the first episode, specifically around 3:06, Nylocke pronounces Kirb's username wrong, to which he replies "It's Kirbopher. It's like Christopher except curvier." But... it isn't, though, is it? Merriam-Webster Dictionary (the most official dictionary, as we all know) defines a curve as "to have or take a turn, change, or deviation from a straight line or plane surface without sharp breaks or angularity", its synonyms including bend, curvature, arc, bow, and crook. Basically, any circle, half-circle, quarter-circle, oval, etc.

To be fair, assuming the onscreen textboxes are actually a "thing" in TOME itself, as opposed to a visual effect only used to tell the story, one could claim that the font Kirb's player uses is rather curvy itself (and they'd be right), but is it curvier?

After checking Google, I quickly found a list of every font used in the show, gathered in this here Google Doc by one unicornfoal (their username didn't pop up in the menu thing when I tried to @ them so idk if they still go by that), which tells us that the font Kirb uses is "Spicy Sushi Roll".

With the font determined, we can compare the curviness of the names. To do this, I typed each of them out in a word document, took a screenshot, and pasted it into my photo-editing software of choice. There, I created this handy diagram detailing every curve in the letters, in addition to offering brief definitions of my terminology and method for determining what counts as a curve.

Also, as an aside, I'm really proud of how this turned out, especially with the lines and colors and the grid in the background. Like... man. Not to suck myself off or anything, but holy hell am I good at this.

Anyway, as you can see, the name "Kirbopher" has 7 inner (convex) curves and 8 outer (concave) curves, adding up to a total of 15 curves, which, assuming I'm correct about all this, had to be intentional. "Christopher", on the other hand, has 10 inner curves and 11 outer curves, which adds up to 21 total curves. Therefore, "Kirbopher" is not only not "like Christopher except curvier", but is in fact less curvy. This revelation, while shocking, isn't my final point. No, no. Because this rabbit hole goes deeper, dear reader. First, though, we must talk about parallel universes a long-defunct 2000s internet forum.

Long before TOME was a 15-episode web series, its world and characters were conceptualized in a 70-something long series of sprite animations on Newgrounds, known as TvTome Adventures, or TTA for short. Based on the forums of the TvTome website, which now redirects to tv.com, the series featured characters based largely on the forum's users, including one white sword-wielding marshmallow-thing by the name of Kirbopher15, pictured below.

Yeah. That's... more or less Kirby in a hat. Somewhat Kirby-like. Kirbyish? Though, to be fair, it could probably be... kirbyer?

And that's where my theory kicks in. Buckle your fuckle because this is gonna blow your damn mind.

What if, and hear me out here, the original line wasn't "curvier", but instead "kirbyer", as in "more Kirby"? It'd certainly make more sense, seeing as, one, the character was originally just a Kirby recolor in a hat, and two, the name Kirbopher is literally just "Christopher" but with "Chris" replaced with "Kirby", minus the y.

Why was it changed, then? Seeing as it's so early on in the show, which has been stated to have had somewhat of a rough production, almost not making it past four episodes, it could be out of concern over copyrights, trademarks, or other legal issues possibly arising, were the show to be, say, picked up by a TV network or something. Even though Kirby is an actual name that real people have, when you factor in the character's previous incarnation, it could definitely be taken to mean the Nintendo character, instead of a regular person's name.

Oh, and one more thing. Tumblr, being very art-driven by design, is home to tons and tons of artists, writers, voice actors, etc., both amateur and professional. Plus, because Tumblr lets you @ blogs you know the names of, someone with an insane theory about a single throwaway line of dialogue in an episode of a somewhat niche web animation could, say... @ the creator of said animation, assuming they're on tumblr in the first place, and ask if they're correct in their long-winded assertions, or are simply talking out of their ass. So, with that in mind...

@kirbopher How'd I do?

[drakefisher]

what kind of dolls do you like?

kinda haaaaaarrrdd to say bc i only recently kinda started getting into dolls "≈w≈ ... and even then im a #FAKE! doll fan bc i dont collect a specific type BUT thats more bc i dont have the room to LOL. but lately when im out thrifting ive looooooved to look at like old porcelain antique dolls im like ohhh youre so beautiful let me take you home... n i think balljointed dolls r rly cute i like how creative ppl get with them ^__^ and ive always liked the type of doll thats like also plush material but still posable if tht makes any sense? i have a sephiroth doll and a vivi ff9 doll that are like that :) ok yeah i googled theyre called action dolls but anyway theyre cuuute

ummm lets see when i was younger i was waaaaayyyy more into stuffed animals tbh thats probably why i like the "plushier" dolls HAHAHA BUT i did still have some dolls i remember i liked the American Girl dolls a Lot, i dont have any of like the main character dolls just a Looks Like Me doll and an Ivy doll but theyre very nostalgic for me <3 i also had one or two TY Girlz dolls buuuuut i was more into the virtual game world they were tied to (i had webkinz brain and looooooved the whole Toys to Virtual World thing) (i guess theres kinda another answer: virtual dolls LOL like i would play dress up games for hooouuurrrssss as a kid)

i know i had exactly one barbie and one bratz doll as a kid too but i was way more into barbie & bratz movies than the dolls themselves. iiii think the only dolls i Rly got into when i was a kid were Liv dolls? i had a few of those but that phase was super brief. i never really got into monster high or ever after high either (similar to barbie n bratz i was way more into the webisodes/the show than the actual dolls themselves) but i think a lot of those dolls look rly cool now :) cabbage patch kid dolls make me think of my mom bc she loved them when she was a kid but im not crazy about them.

OH i did briefly collect MLP dolls when i was really into friendship is magic! but i dont have that collection anymore </3 sad! anyway sorry this is so long and a lot of it isnt really what you asked but it just got me thinking 🧠...

[wearetheunholyfamily]

[leviathans-watching]

Hi! I don't know if you still take requests but maybe you'd like to do a headcanon for the obey me boys (+maybe Solomon/ Barbatos) reacting to MC telling them they're asexual? (Rip Asmo)

Maybe MC had been avoiding them more recently because they wanted to postpone talking about it and were worried of the reactions?

I hope it's not too confusing! And only do it if you want to! Thank you!!♡

coming out as ace

includes: the brothers x/& gn!reader, solomon x/&gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

wc: .8k | rated g | m.list

warnings: one (1) swear word, vague fears/anxiety of acephobia (no actual acephobia!!!)

a/n: hello!! thank you for requesting and you're welcome!! i don't identify on the ace spectrum so pls lmk if i got anything wrong or was accidentally offensive! i hope you all like it! i also had to stop myself from making more than one of the characters like 'cool me too!' bc tbh i have a lot of feelings about ace om (and my inbox is open to chat, leave feedback, or req!!)

please reblog!!

➳ lucifer nods his head, already deep in thought. the pieces rapidly fall into place and he has to shake his head at you slightly. “silly human. how could you think i wouldn’t accept you?” he asks, talking your head up gently so you’re facing him. “this changes nothing in our relationship, got that? aside from giving me a better understanding of you, that is.” a breath escapes your lips- you’re relieved, and he slowly draws you in for a hug, gently looping his arms around your torso.

➳ mammon doesn’t really know what that is. “um, hold on,” he says, furiously googling. it makes you laugh, even as nervousness circles through your body, tingling under your skin. “oooh,” mammon says slowly, looking up at you. “okay, yeah, no, that’s totally fine.” his easy acceptance is so nice, so mammon, and it pleases you. “so it’s like a spectrum?” you nod, and he ducks his head. “would ya be willin’ to tell me more about it? i really don’t want to mess anything up. also can ya tell me if i get somethin’ wrong? i want to learn more and don’t want to offend anyone be bein’ ignorant.”

➳ levi raises his eyebrows, trying to place the human world label. one it clicks, he smiles. “i totally accept you, mc! thank you for trusting me with this, i know it can be a big deal!” he continues on easily, just handing you a controller, not at all phased by your admission. you take the controller slowly, and he catches your hand for a brief moment, squeezing it gently. his touch reassures you, and soon enough, the both of you are playing your game, nothing having been changed between the two of you.

➳ satan nods slowly. “i see. this makes a lot of sense, actually. asmo’s powers have no hold on you and i now have no doubt this is why.” he’s flipping through his memories, things falling into place with this new knowledge. “thank you for telling me. i support you one-hundred percent, alright? i’ll definitely do some digging on asexuality, as i’m probably not up to date with my info, but let me know if i say something blatantly wrong or offensive, alright?” he’s very casual about the whole thing, not that you expected otherwise, and it makes you feel secure and accepted.

➳ asmo just stares at you for a moment. “wait,” he says suddenly. “that’s why my powers don’t affect you?” you nod hesitantly and he pouts. “thank god! i thought i was losing my touch or something. this is such a relief.” “so you’re not mad or anything?” you ask, making him shake his head vigorously. “of course not! you’re hardly the first being i’ve met to not feel lust, or feel it different from allosexuals. and why would i be upset at you for something you couldn't;t change?” you intense, dropping the sickly anticipation you’d been feeling about telling him, and he pulls you close to him. “i’ll just have to charm you other ways,” he says after a moment, smiling cheekily.

➳ beel nods with a shrug. “cool.” when he says nothing else, you can’t help but say “that’s it?” beel nods again. “i mean, yeah? i accept you completely and appreciate you telling me, and i’m happy when you’re happy, but really, it’s not such a big deal to me. i’ll always love and support you, you know.” you’d built up coming out to him as this big thing in your head, so hearing him accept you so completely and easily was nice. really, really nice. “thanks,” you murmur, folding into him. “that means a lot.”

➳ belphie hums. “asexual? i don’t think i’ve heard of that before. i mean, with plants and cells and stuff, but not applied to humans. what is it?” you explain, and understanding dawns on his face. “oh, that? you humans have a term for that? not that that’s not totally valid, just there’s a bunch of demons i know how feel the same way. it doesn’t really have a name here, it’s just something that is.” to find out that you weird strange or weird, even down here, was so relieving. belphie could see it in your expression and made a mental reminder to introduce you to some of the others so you could talk and stuff.

➳ solomon grinned. “really? oh hell yea!” raising his hand for you to high-five, he waits, and when you return it, albeit slightly hesitantly, his smile widens. “i’m so glad you told me, because like, rad, me too, you know?” his eyes are bright, distracting you for a moment before you catch his words. “wait, you too?” solomon shrugs with a little laugh. “i mean, i fall on the spectrum somewhere, i know what for sure, but i’m not too invested in finding a specific label, you know?” you’re stunned. you’d been searching for someone who’d understand and he was right here all along!

leviathans-watching’s work - please do not repost, copy, or claim as your own

[1kook]

A COLLECTION  [ updated: 8 . 23 . 21 ]

— STATUS ONGOING — NO REPOSTS — ASKS under #ncouple ! — Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr

—NETFLIX & CHILL.

summary If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality.  warnings smut in the forms of grinding, oral (f), cum eating, vanilla unprotected sex, dirty talk misc use of the oldest trick in the book (“your hands are sooo big”), shy oblivious AND gentleman jk? pick a struggle, brief ment of app developer kook, evil and conniving oc  word count 10.2k  posted june 12, 2020

—HULU & WOOHOO.

summary But there’s more important matters to attend to than Jungkook’s Jersey Shore boner. warnings slight feelings of insecurity, smut in the forms of fingering, cunnilingus, cum eating, squirting, hand jobs, unprotected sex, riding, slight praise kink  misc if you’re not a Jersey shore fan honestly GET OUT, mentions of capitalism😡, more kind/understanding kook, basically a “what are we?” fic but silly, irresponsible emailing habits, its so dumb just read word count 6.3k posted july 4, 2020

—IMAX & CLIMAX.

summary The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack. warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, tit play, praise kink, standing sex, unprotected sex, reverse cowgirl (? kinda), daddy kink that morphs into ily kink misc  jk is an avid history channel viewer, jk hates Barbie movies ik we took an L today girls 😔, jk goes thru like 4 personality changes (commanding > soft > mean > in love), honestly idk what to tag it’s a mess, he’s still cheesy and romantic but also 👀 just read word count 9.8k posted august 5, 2020

—KISSANIME & FOREPLAY.

summary You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings mentions of hentai, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 word count 8.2k posted september 1, 2020

—DISNEY+ & BUST.

summary There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.   warnings arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of humiliation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment (? idk lol), unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, the return of mean jk, desperate jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf misc angst, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count 13k posted september 9, 2020

—ESPN & BDSM.

summary You would like to personally thank every loud-mouthed, ESPN commentator out there for saving you from Jungkook’s dangerous seduction skills.   warnings smut in the forms of brief femdom, handcuffs, nipple clamps, blindfolding, flogging/use of a riding crop, soft dom kook, cunnilingus, spitting, unprotected but passionate, degradation, as always it starts horny n then turns into I love u kink misc kook has a swollen ankle so idk how he did all this, jk abuses the fuck outta pet names part 7, revenge gone wrong tbh, this was honestly a beginner’s intro to vanilla bdsm word count 12.7k posted september 14, 2020

—YOUTUBE & USE LUBE.

summary You can’t believe this is Jungkook’s preferred sick day treatment; YouTube, cuddles, and an ugly amount of lube. warnings smut in the forms of nipple play, handjobs, spit kink, face riding, unprotected, flavored warming lube, riding, praise kink, soft femdom, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, tit sucking, tit fucking, more jk has an impreg kink, oh and this is all subby kook misc domesticity baby!! fluff, soft scenes /.\, jk is sick:((, doyeon is A Doctor, yn sees an opportunity and she grabs it, surprise ending <3 word count 8.7k   posted september 30, 2020

—VIKI & HICKEYS.

summary Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air.   warnings a little hurt + a lot of comfort, mentions of cheating!villain!jin, insecure!kook, emotional breakdowns, mentions of jk’s lonely past, jk cries :( smut in the forms of making out, eating out, fingering, clit play, hickeys, jk likes cum, double orgasm, squirting, tiny praise kink, blindfolding, rough + unprotected sex, doggy style, choking!!!, breeding/impreg kink, JEALOUS KOOK, mini hand kink, a lil bit of spanking, degradation, he gets progressively meaner lol oc cries, jk is a good boy n I want him to be happy   misc there’s a lot of fuckin plot omfg -_-, it’s Valentine’s Eve!, doyeon makes Some Points, mentions of park seojoon juicy ass, they go on a d8 😳, oc like rlly wants to marry him, oc commits double phone homicide word count 16.3k posted january 14, 2021

—PEACOCK & SWEET TALK.

summary “I wanna watch Solange in Bring It On,” Jungkook smiles, and you have to wonder who exactly this blond man is and what he did with your teen-movie-hating boyfriend.   warnings smut in the forms of kissing, cunnilingus (eating out + fingering), light praise, a lil body worship, jk fat cawk, brief nipple play, playful jk, unprotected sex, riding and missionary, the jk hand kink, I love you kink, jk wants nudes, jk’s cheerleader fantasies mentioned, spit kink, light choking, jk has like a scent kink (?), mention of collars and pet play misc app developer jk becomes even MORE app developer-y, oc is anti-google, there's plot, a 2 year anniversary, Solange knowles appreciation, BLOND JK!!!, gets sappy for a sec, seahorse marriage mention, doyeon x joon side pairing, jk is disgustingly dreamy and oc is threatened by that fact word count 10.7k posted march 23, 2021

— CRUNCHYROLL & RAIL.

summary Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. warnings smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… misc fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality word count 8.7k posted may 21, 2021

—FUNIMATION & PROCREATION.

summary Never mind your upcoming wedding, this was perhaps the greatest moment of your life— the day Jungkook sought out an anime on his own. warnings kissing, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, cum eating, mentions of anal, doggy style, unprotected sex with the intention of pregnancy, spitting, hand holding<3 misc the wedding night, Doyeon strikes again, jjk watches  jjk, oh no not twins word count 9.1k posted july 31, 2021

—BOOMERANG AND BANG. 

coming soon

—COOKIES & CREAM.

summary Jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy Christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (And maybe having his dick sucked.) warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, face fucking, cum facials, fingering, overstim, double orgasm, r*mantic sex, riding, unprotected, cream pies, jk does this weird thing where he licks her face yeah idk, jk loves seeing his gf cry, jk has an obsession with jizz   misc jk pov !!, eggnog slander, jk hates xmas movies, oc dresses like a sexy mrs claus, Elf !!, jk is in loooove word count 7.1k posted december 23, 2020

— TUTUS & TIARAS.

summary your first pregnancy through the lens of your husband warnings smut in the forms of penetrative sex, sex while pregnant, unprotected sex, tit play, cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, sticking the tip in and jacking off/cockwarming?, creampies, nose kink (? like she grinds against his nose), infatuation with scent, frottage/grinding, lactation kink, titluvr jk [bass boosted] misc married ncouple <3, domesticity, jk pov, mood swings, pregnancy, GIRLDAD!JK, DILF!JK, pregnant!reader, jk’s kids are virgos its true  word count 10k posted august 23, 2021

— one.

summary Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same.  word count 1.3k posted September 10, 2020

—two.

summary Even after all these years, all these doubts, and all this solitude that was really no one’s fault but his own, he still finds himself hoping that maybe you’ll be the one. word count 1k posted september 11, 2020

—three.

summary But Jungkook loves the sun. word count 1.5k posted september 12th, 2020

—four.

summary For the last ten minutes or so his mind has been bothered by one thing and one thing only— the hair that hung in his face. word count 800 words posted september 22, 2020

—five.

summary Startled and inexperienced, he can’t do anything but rub his hands over your back. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he murmurs, even though it’s not. word count 1.3k posted september 22, 2020

—six.

SUMMARY Jungkook enjoyed pushing you down, indulging you in all your little fantasies, but he too had some he wanted to live out. WC 1.8k POSTED september 25, 2020

—seven.

summary And lastly, Jungkook will bring it full circle by indulging you two in some good old fashion spooky sex where he nuts inside you because the only thing scarier than a scary movie is a pregnancy scare. It’s a perfect plan. word count 2k posted october 30, 2020

—eight.

summary You always do this— always ask for more. You take and you take until there’s nothing left for Jungkook to give. But Jungkook is the same.   word count 1.9k posted december 28, 2020

—nine.

summary “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” word count 2.2k posted january 8 2021

—ten.

summary See, there’s no one in this world who ignores his house rules more than you. Even worse, there’s no one on this planet who can make Jungkook ignore his own rules like you do. word count 1.4k posted february 14, 2021

—eleven.

summary You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small. word count 1.2k posted may 3, 2021

—twelve.

summary Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. word count 1.4k posted may 8th, 2021

—thirteen.

summary Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today.   word count 1k posted june 13, 2021

—fourteen.

summary Jungkook needs you to know that you can always count on him. word count 1.3k posted july 6, 2021

—fifteen.

summary It’s Jungkook’s teenage fantasy— being pushed down by a cheerleader. word count 3.1k posted august 9, 2021

— sixteen.

summary Your skin is warm and smells like sunshine. Jungkook can’t really explain it. (And also like the sunscreen you had doused him in earlier, but that isn’t as romantic.) word count 1.9K posted august 11, 2021

—seventeen.

summary She looks his way and suddenly Jungkook is nineteen again, in his dorm, listening to the first person he ever thought he loved telling him he’s too much to handle. word count 1.6k posted august 18, 2021

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cute and cozy gif by the lovely @ladyartemesia​ 

LASTLY: 

[gogolucky13]

Metanoia

Summary: In the last stages of his recovery, Bucky goes on a spiritual retreat where he meets you, and finds more of himself along the way. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Word count: ~11k Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Smut (not super explicit). Swearing. Negative self-talk/thoughts. A touch-starved Bucky. Allusions to an abusive relationship and vague mentions to past violence. Brief mention of infertility. (18+ only please). A/N: Oh boy, oh man, okay. So this is my entry for @bonkywobble​’s follower challenge. Congrats on the milestone, love!! My prompt was Metanoia (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. This got kind of long, but there was a lot I wanted/needed to include and there’s probably so much more I could include. The timeline fits after CA:CW/before IW. Tbh, I’m a bit nervous to share this, and I just hope it reads how I intended it to. I’ve never gone on anything described in the story so most references are what I read on google or just made up to fit the plot. Also, a special thank you to @please-buckme​ who is always willing to answer my questions 😬 and dividers by the talented @firefly-graphics​! Anyways, I hope people like this. Enjoy! 😊💜 gif not mine.

Day 1 (Arrival):

The first thing Bucky notices when he steps off the plane is its hot. Not the type of hot that has your skin sticking in uncomfortable places, or the kind that brings so much humidity it’s stuffy and difficult to breath. It’s just...hot. He doesn’t mind much, though. The warmth is welcomed after so many years on ice. Besides, he’s spent the last several weeks adjusting to tropical climate in Wakanda, so he’s used to it for the most part.

The second thing Bucky notices is his right arm is beginning to cramp from carrying his luggage on one side. The heaviness of his duffel bag on his shoulder and the suitcase in his hand creates an ache that has him stopping to readjust the baggage to even out the weight distribution. He’s been out of cryo for a little bit, but he’s still learning how to get on with only one arm.

After he came out of cryo, he was offered a replacement arm for the one that was damaged, but he declined. Too many bad memories resonated in his mind whenever he looked at the thing or thought of it. To him, it was never a part of his body, it wasn’t an arm—it was a weapon. He figured it better to just not have one at all, even if it does make things a little trickier. And of course, there are fleeting moments of self-consciousness. Is he seen as weaker? Less attractive? Will people only see a missing part of him and nothing else? He’s still working through those thoughts, too. 

Finally, the last thing Bucky notices is this place is fucking beautiful. He stands for a moment outside the resort lobby, gazing at the luscious greenery and colorful flowers, taking it all in. He’s seen exotic landscape before in Wakanda, but there’s just something different about being  somewhere completely new and experiencing it for the first time. He loves it.

When he finally steps into the hotel, Bucky is met with a wave of cold air, and the little hairs that have fallen out of his bun swirl around into his face. Before he can move further into the lobby, he has to stop and push the strands away. A sign then catches his eye and it creates a little stir of excitement mixed with uncertainty in his stomach. 

Welcome to Metanoia in beautiful Costa Rica! Your journey awaits you...

A spiritual retreat to Costa Rica was the last step in his recovery. His mind has been reset, he’s sorted through most of his metaphorical baggage with his therapist—baggage that’s a lot heavier and creates a bigger ache in his heart and mind than what he is currently dealing with—and he’s reached the final step in moving forward with his new life.

Taking a steadying breath, Bucky decides it’s time to start this journey and heads towards the check-in desk. 

“Hello, welcome to Metanoia,” the petite blonde behind the counter greets. 

She wears a smile that matches her perky attitude, and it brings a small sense of ease to Bucky’s nerves. The people here are nice, not that he had any reason to believe they wouldn’t be, but it’s comforting to know it’s true. He notices her quick glance to his left side though, which has him leaning further onto his right arm in an attempt to hide the emptiness that’s there.

“Uh, hi,” Bucky awkwardly replies, clearing his throat before continuing, “Uh, I’m checking in for the weeklong retreat,” a slight furrow to his brow and another throat clear because no shit, dumbass, everyone checking in at this place is here for the retreat. He could still use some more practice interacting with people, he supposes.

“Wonderful!” The blonde replies, not at all phased by the obviousness of his statement. “I’ll just need your last name, then.”

Her smile stretches across her face and Bucky thinks she has the whitest teeth he’s ever seen.

“Barnes.”

“Great, thank you,” she says, turning her attention to the computer screen before her. 

The sound of keyboard clicks fills the space between them while Bucky waits for her to finish confirming his reservation. 

“Alright, Mr. Barnes,” she begins, pulling out a series of papers and pamphlets, “here is your room key. You’ll be staying in the southwest side of the resort, which means you’ll have an amazing view of the sunset each night.” She pauses to give him a smile, which he returns because that does sound nice. 

Next she pulls out the pamphlet and opens it up. “And here is some information on what you can expect during your stay, including activities and a schedule for group meetings and workshops. There’s a Welcome mixer planned for tonight where you’ll get a chance to meet everyone.”

Bucky takes a moment, glancing at all the paperwork before he begins folding it up to stuff into a side pocket of his duffle.

“Okay, great. Thank you.” 

Just as he reaches for his suitcase to head towards his room, the woman speaks again.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes,” she calls, bringing Bucky’s attention back to her. “During your stay, we ask that you leave any electronic devices with the front desk. Without the distraction, it allows our guests to fully immerse themselves in following their journey.”

“I, uh, I don’t have a phone,” he bashfully admits, giving the woman a weak smile. He was too caught up in his recovery to bother with getting himself one. Besides, he doesn’t see the need, and is still a bit resistant to embracing every part of the 21st century. One step at a time.

“Okay, well, never mind then,” the blonde replies. “I hope you enjoy your stay.”

One more toothy grin from the front desk woman and Bucky is finally on his way to begin the last step in his journey of changing his mindset for the better.

The interior of the hotel is just as mesmerizing as the outside, which causes Bucky to get distracted and he ends up turned around a handful of times on the way to his room. But eventually, he’s walking up to a door with an iron 302 on it. His shoulder throbs in excited anticipation to be freed from his heavy duffle as he inserts the room key.

White. Everything is white Bucky sees when he steps inside. There’s a few pop of bright colors sprinkled around the room in the form of abstract art on the walls, but other than that it’s white. He sighs, dropping his suitcase and duffle bag onto the tiled floor then collapses backwards onto the queen sized bed.

A million thoughts run through Bucky’s mind as he gazes at the palm tree inspired ceiling fan. The faux wooden leaves of the slowly spinning blades holds his attention, the repetition of it helping to calm the last little bit of anxiety that’s lingering.

Everything will be fine. This will be good.

Bucky sits up and reaches for the welcome and information packet to learn more about what he can expect for the upcoming week. His therapist gave him some information, but it was mostly selling points about how great it will be for his recovery. He still isn’t entirely sure of what he’s going to be doing while he’s here.

Curious blue eyes scan over the various pictures in the pamphlet. They’re all of happy, almost too happy, people doing things such as yoga, horseback riding, scuba diving. Bucky doesn’t think he’ll be doing any of that. Then he finds the schedule for the week. A crease in his brow forms when he realizes the only things that are on it is the welcome mixer and the mandatory workshops. Everything else is up to guest’s choice.

Interesting.

Another sigh as Bucky sets aside the paperwork, his gaze shifting to the view of the ocean outside his room. He has a private patio, and he mentally takes a note to make sure he sits out and enjoys the sunset one night before he leaves. A shower calls for him, deciding he should probably wash off the sweat and germs from traveling, making sure he looks somewhat presentable before meeting everyone else.

The welcome mixer is outside, on the beach, because of course it would be when you’re in Costa Rica. Bucky didn’t think that through when he got dressed and wishes he would’ve just come barefoot as he dredges through the sand in his boots. Why the fuck did he bring boots to Costa Rica anyways?

“You must be Mr. Barnes!” A middle-aged man with dark hair greets as Bucky approaches the slowly forming group.

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky replies, running a sweaty palm over his jeans. “But, uh, Bucky, you can call me Bucky.”

“Well, welcome, Bucky, I’m Gerard,” the man holds a hand out and Bucky takes it. “Come, we’ve got drinks and food. I’ll introduce you to some friends.”

Bucky allows the man, Gerard, to place a gentle hand on his shoulder as he’s guided to the rest of the group. He meets a few instructors and counselors, and mingles with a handful of people who are also here for their own journey. He indulges in some fruity non-alcoholic drinks, enjoys some Costa Rican appetizers, and allows himself to relax. 

At one point during the mixer, Gerard makes a point to address and welcome the whole group. 

“Thank you all so much for coming,” he says, arms open wide with a warm smile on his face. “We are so happy to have you here, and to have the chance to help you in whatever journey brought you to us. During your stay, we encourage you to take the opportunity to try something new. Push yourself to do something you may not normally do, and put yourself out there—we’re here to catch you.”

Bucky listens intently, and his mind wonders back to the brochure he held earlier, the pictures of people doing yoga and horseback riding flashing in his mind. He takes a sip of his drink as he scans the faces of everyone in the crowd, curious what excursions they initially turned their noses up at.

“I’m sure you’ve all had the chance to review your schedule for the week,” Gerard states, bringing Bucky’s attention back to him, “and I’m also sure you’ve noticed it’s pretty much blank. This is intentional, because here at Metanoia we want you to choose what you think your journey is. What will bring you happiness? What will push you just that little bit out of your comfort zone, and open the doors you’ve been keeping shut? You choose your journey.”

The last bit of Gerard’s speech lingers with Bucky as he makes his way back to his room for the night. He doesn’t have a clue what his journey is. He’s here because it was strongly suggested he come and experience whatever this place is. Maybe in the morning he’ll know what his journey is. 

That hope stays with Bucky as he shuts the light off and crawls into bed. 

Day 2:

The wish of morning bringing a small respite from the heat quickly fades when Bucky steps out to grab some breakfast. He slept well, better than he has been, but his mind still worked in overdrive. Worrying him with a bunch of what ifs and could bes with what’s to come. The biggest worry of all, though, is not finding out what his journey is. What things should he do to try and find resolution? If he never discovers what his journey is, how can he finish it? How can he finish his recovery?

It was while he brushed his teeth he determined he wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. He’ll let whatever happens happen and just pray everything works out. That’s a good plan, and one he sticks with as he walks into the dining room of the hotel.

More white Bucky sees as he looks around at the tables and chairs. The far wall is all windows, allowing the bright sun to make all the white in the room look even more white. It’s so bright he has to squint while he looks for a table. He finds an empty one in a corner, and he knows he should be putting himself out there, but it’s only day two. He’s got all week to do that. 

Eggs and bacon sounds delicious, but so does pancakes and a parfait. Bucky makes several trips to the food stations, trying to balance as much as he can with one hand, before finally settling into his seat. It’s when he realizes he forgot to grab silverware that he spots you.

He stands from his chair, but is frozen in place as he catches sight of you. Gliding, you move with an air of confidence and exuberance that Bucky can feel from across the room. The woman at the front desk had a bright smile, but it’s nothing in comparison to the one you flash in the direction of a server. 

Stunning.

A distant sounding cough breaks Bucky from his trance. Blinking several times and creasing his brow in confusion, he focuses on an old man he met last night, Henry.

“Mornin’, son,” Henry says, “mind if I join you?”

“Oh, uh, sure, yeah, of course,” Bucky stammers, attempting to shift some of the plates around to make room for Henry’s food. “I need silverware, you need anything?”

“No thanks, I’m all good,” he replies, and Bucky watches as he sits in the chair across from him before lifting his gaze to find you again. It’s a lost cause as more people file into the room, your enthralling figure no where to be found.

After breakfast, Bucky decides to head back to his room for a bit. The intrigue of you has now overtaken his thoughts, and the worry of figuring out his journey is forgotten. He rummages through the papers he was given yesterday, looking for the form filled with pictures of counselors and instructors. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t find you. 

He barely registered anything when he noticed you, but he’s certain you weren’t in a hotel uniform, and you aren’t listed on the brochure, so that means only one thing—you’re also here as a guest.

Quickly, Bucky reaches for the schedule of events. There’s a mandatory meditation workshop and a final group meeting at the end of the week, but what if he doesn’t see you there? You weren’t at the mixer last night, and Bucky would definitely remember if you were. 

Lower lip catching between his teeth, Bucky scans the activities for tomorrow. 

8am: Yoga for uncertainty: Begin, believe, trust, heal.

It’s not something he would normally participate in, but the title alone tells Bucky he should reconsider, regardless if there’s a chance he’ll see you there or not. 

Walking out onto his patio, Bucky still holds the list of activities for the week. As he sits on a chair, gaze falling to the majestic waves of the ocean, he concedes.

Yoga it is. 

Day 3:

This was a bad idea. Even with the hope of seeing you again, Bucky is instantly regretting his decision to come to this yoga class. Standing like an awkward giant, he clutches a mat under his arm and watches as people file in. 

Is the title ‘Yoga for uncertainty’ derived from the fact it will induce uncertainty when you attend, or is it meant to squelch the overall feeling of uncertainty? Because right now, Bucky is thinking it’s the former. 

Finally following everyone else’s lead, Bucky moves further into the room and slowly unrolls his mat. He’s grateful he decided to put his hair up in his room before he arrived. No one wants to see what he has to do to put it into a bun with one arm.

Oh shit.

A self-conscious hand comes to rest on his left shoulder as his blue eyes widen with worry. How the hell is he supposed to do yoga with one arm? Bucky’s certain he’s seen positions where people are balancing on their heads, using two arms to keep themselves straight. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes he forgets he only has one arm. Never having to worry about what he can and can’t do, or what adaptations he’d need until recently. 

Shit, fuck, shit, fuck.

He drags his right hand down his face before it moves to rub the back of his neck. Eyes darting around the room, watching, as he decides his next move. He’ll just casually walk out, no need to draw attention. Anyways, Bucky doesn’t even see you so he has no reason to stay. He’s getting water, no, going to the bathroom. Just as long as he acts natural no one will notice…

“Good morning, everyone!” 

Dammit.

The instructor cheerily greets everyone as he makes his way to the front of the room.

“Thank you all so much for deciding to come to my yoga session. My name is Jeremiah, and my goal this morning is to help your body, mind, and soul achieve a level of peace.”

Jeremiah looks around the room with warm brown eyes, clearly taking in the different body types of everyone who has chosen to attend.

“This class is meant to ease uncertainty, bring a balance between the three sectors of our being, so for anyone who is worried, let me just say this class is a beginner’s yoga class. We are all here to succeed.”

A small sigh of relief pushes from Bucky’s lungs. Maybe if he had read the brochure a bit closer before attending, he wouldn’t have gotten so worked up over nothing. 

Beginner’s yoga, he nods to himself in reassurance, that should be easy.

Fifteen minutes in and Bucky is realizing beginner’s yoga isn’t as easy as he initially thought. Okay, so he’s able to do most of the poses, but it’s the holding of said pose and focusing on his breathing that is not so easy. He’s never had to think so much about what his body is doing, it just does what he wants it to. 

Or it did what other people wanted it to.

As he shifts into Warrior II position, Bucky knows he should be worrying about keeping his breathing even; however, he’s tempted to take a quick glance around the room. It’s mostly women, he’s one of three men who came, but that doesn’t bother him. 

Then his gaze travels towards the back of the room, and suddenly any attempt at keeping his breathes steady is lost entirely. Heart rate increasing, Bucky tries to hide the audible hitch in his breathing when he sees you. His attention swiftly moves back to the front of the room, almost losing his balance in the small shift of his equilibrium. 

Taking a moment, Bucky closes his eyes and uses the sound of the relaxing music to calm himself. Harp and… are those wind chimes? The instructor then directs everyone to sit down on their mats, and the pull to look to you again is too strong.

He catches your attention, and oh shit now you’re smiling at him. A small wave of panic rushes through him because you’re still looking at him and he hasn’t acknowledged you, yet. 

Stop being fucking weird.

Bucky finally manages a smile, awkward but friendly enough, and nods his head. Then he focuses his attention forward and decides not to look in that direction of the room unless he absolutely has to.

When the class ends, Bucky takes his time rolling up his mat and putting his shoes back on. The brightness of your aura is seen from his peripheral, and a few times he couldn’t help but glance at you. Eventually, everyone is mostly gone and Bucky is able to retreat back to his room for a shower and a pep talk. 

Day 4:

Bucky knows it’s probably a little creepy. He knows he shouldn’t have eavesdropped on you at breakfast, but when he overheard your plans for today, he decided they would be his plans, too. Okay, maybe it was more than a little creepy, but he’s intrigued by you and still learning how to get to know people. A for effort?

Pacing in his room, the newfound fluttering in his stomach begins to intensify as the clock ticks nearer to 10am. First on today’s agenda—hot stone massage. In theory, it does sound nice, but the thought of someone touching him was enough to make his skin crawl and nausea to swirl in his stomach. Bucky didn’t even consider getting one after initially reading about them until he was unknowingly persuaded to rethink it.

There’s no denying he’s nervous, for several reasons, but the excitement of getting to see you again helps to convince him he should go through with it. Maybe he’ll talk to you if he sees you, but what would he even say?

Hi, nice to meet you. You’re downward facing dog looked amazing.

Nope, definitely not that. Although, true.

Frustration begins to seep in and a groan rumbles in his chest. Why can’t he just be normal? 

Admittedly, he hasn’t had many opportunities to talk to different people over the last several years, so the idea of flirting with someone should induce the nervous energy he’s feeling. But its times like these when Bucky desperately wishes he could remember how easy it was for him to talk to people before. More often than not, he was the guy with two dames at his side, dancing the night away. Happy and carefree. Yet the mere thought of talking to a beautiful woman now has his insides twisting and mind racing. 

Not to mention the arm, or lack there of.

Another groan and Bucky collapses into a chair. Mindlessly rubbing at the nub where his left arm used to be, his thoughts don’t get the chance to spiral any more because the clock on the wall tells him it’s time to go.

Not white. This room is not white Bucky quickly notices when he steps into the spa. Oak paneling covers the walls, warm uplighting illuminates the space, and there are plants everywhere. Calming music similar to what he heard in the yoga class plays through the overhead speakers, and the tranquil ambiance is doing its job until he spots you.

Feet catching on the floor, he slightly trips before catching himself and awkwardly checking in at the front desk. Then, he silently makes his way over to the waiting area where you sit flipping through a magazine.

The tall stature of Bucky’s figure is hard to overlook so it’s no surprise your eyes are moving from the glossy page in front of you to Bucky’s approaching figure. Meanwhile, all he can think about is don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip.

A smile. You give him a smile. Probably the kindest smile Bucky has ever seen, and he’s mesmerized by the way it brightens your features.

“Hi.”

Oh, your voice is so much sweeter when it’s directed at him.

This time, Bucky is a lot quicker to return your smile when he takes a seat across from you. Clearing his throat, he rubs a sweaty palm over his thigh in an attempt to keep his nerves in check. 

“Hi.”

Silence falls between you then, and Bucky isn’t sure if he should say something else or just let that be the extent of the interaction. But then you make up his mind for him, and he’s mindful to keep himself focused on what you’re saying because he quickly finds he could easily get lost in the way your lips move around your words.

“You were at yoga yesterday, right?”

Another throat clear, because apparently Bucky is worried his voice will do something funny if he doesn’t make sure there isn’t anything in it before talking.

“Yeah, yeah, I was.” He nods, his hand still continuously rubbing along his thigh.

“What did you think?”

It’s brief, but Bucky doesn’t miss the glance to his missing left arm as you wait for him to respond. Darting his gaze to the floor, he self-consciously brings his right hand to rub at the back of his neck. Obviously, Bucky knew you would notice what’s not there, but this is foreign territory for him. Still learning how to navigate interactions with new people who aren’t familiar with his backstory. Or maybe you are, he doesn’t know.

“Uh, it was good,” he nods again, palm still soothingly rubbing at his neck. “Never done yoga before.” Finally, he brings his right hand to rest back in his lap.

A chuckle falls from your lips. Not mocking or condescending, almost in understanding of his confession.

“Me either,” you reply, “but you could’ve fooled me. Your downward facing dog was amazing.”

Shooting him a playful wink, Bucky chokes on air. A bashful heat takes over his body, creeping up his neck and tinting his cheeks. Are you flirting with him? 

“I…uh, thanks, I guess,” he replies with a forced laugh.

Now you’re smirking at him. The fluttering in his stomach returns, but the longer he holds your gaze, he doesn’t feel on edge. Calm and collected, Bucky unintentionally responds to your energy and he’s easing out of this slightly flustered state.

“What’s your name?” You question, folding the magazine closed, full attention now on him.

“Bucky.”

Lips pursing while you consider it. “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky. I’m Y/n.”

The name bounces around in his head. Dizzying and magnificent, it’s his new favorite word. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“What are you doing after this?”

The question catches him off-guard. Eyes widening and mouth falling slightly open, he quickly tries to process you want to know what he’s doing.

“Um, I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Wanna go to the beach later?”

Internally he’s freaking the fuck out, but he manages to keep his composure for the most part, attempting an air of nonchalance in his response.

“Yeah, yes,” he replies with a nod. And another nod and another and another. 

No, stop it, too much nodding.

He shifts in his seat and subconsciously clears his throat again. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Alright, cool.” 

The voice of someone calling your name steals both of your attention. Standing from your chair, you toss the magazine back onto the coffee table between you.

“Meet you in the lobby at one?”

Nodding once more, this time with the appropriate amount of enthusiasm, Bucky smiles up at you. “That sounds great.”

You leave him with one last smile, and it’s the only thing Bucky can think about for the rest of the morning.

__________

The massage wasn’t terrible, better than he expected actually. Despite the tender touches though, Bucky still found himself flinching a few times throughout. But then his body and mind succumbed to the effects, limbs melting and relaxing into the table. He could say it was the soft music or the deep pressure, but it probably mostly had to do with the image of your smile when he closed his eyes. It was nice.

The rest of his morning dragged on. Time seemingly slowed down on purpose knowing he was anxious to be in your presence again. But then one c’clock finally rolled around, and Bucky has never rushed so fast to be somewhere unknown with so many unfamiliar people before.

The air is hot and the sun bright. A gentle breeze blowing off the ocean helps to cool his skin even more as he sits under the umbrella with you. He’s thankful the resort’s beach provides chaise lounges to sit on, he isn’t too keen on the thought of getting sand all over his body.

“So, where’s your room?” You ask, glancing to Bucky and holding a hand up to shield your eyes from the brightness.

“Down that way,” he replies, gesturing to the right with his drink. It’s in a coconut with a little pink umbrella and he feels a little silly drinking out of it, but it seems to be the only way to get a drink at this place.

“Wait, your room faces the ocean?”

He nods as he takes a sip of his drink.

You scoff, dropping your hand to your lap with a gentle slap. “Well, that’s not fucking fair.”

For some reason, Bucky feels a smile beginning to pull at the corners of his lips. “What isn’t?”

“You get a beautiful view of the ocean and all I get to look at are some trees,” you reply, gesticulating towards the ocean as you speak. “Not to mention, there’s this annoying bird that lives right outside my window.” Pausing, you look to him with slight annoyance. “My alarm clock the past three mornings.” You finish with an eye roll to sell your point.

Bucky is laughing now. He’s laughing and he doesn’t remember the last time he’s genuinely laughed at something.

“I guess I shouldn’t mention the sunset view then?”

“Sunset?! Oh my god!” Your head falls back against the cushion of the lounger and Bucky takes a quick moment to appreciate your profile. “I guess when you show up late you get put into a less desirable room.”

“Why were you?” Bucky asks before he can even register what’s coming out of his mouth. “Late, I mean.” Voice dropping as he adds the last bit, then he’s thinking maybe he shouldn’t have asked that. It could be too personal of a reason. “It’s…I just, there was a welcome thing the first night, and…”

He watches you take a sip of your drink, lips curling upwards while you watch him stammer out a response. The nonchalance of your body language tells him he didn’t overstep and soon is voice fades until he just stops talking.

“Work,” you finally say, smile lingering. “I was late because of work. I didn’t get in until late Monday night so I missed the welcome mixer.” A beat passes before you add, “Wishing I was there?”

He’s silent for a moment as he considers your question. Coy smirk teasing at the corners of your lips, a glint in your eye that has his heart rate picking up just that little bit.

“Maybe I do.”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Is this flirting? Is he flirting? This feels like flirting.

The smile on your face widens, clearly enjoying the small glimpse of who Bucky thinks he was in his past life—charmingly confident and playfully witty, a flirtatious quip always at the ready. And it stirs something inside him that’s been locked away for decades. He likes this feeling. It’s exhilarating and refreshing, and he wants more of it.

This time, Bucky takes the lead.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow?” 

Day 5:

Horseback riding gets added to the list of things Bucky didn’t think he would be doing while he was here. But when you suggested trying it out, he couldn’t find a good enough reason to say no. 

Initially hesitant and anxious, the horse, Trudy, seemed to sense this. She was a little rigid, unwilling to follow Bucky’s lead and had put up small fights along the way. He could feel himself getting worked up, ready to call it quits until you assured him with a kind smile relax, it’s going to be okay. Having no choice but to believe you, he pulled himself together and soon found a steady rhythm he and Trudy liked.

Then, the ride came to an end and Bucky wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye for the day. The prospect of rejection was pushed to the very back of his mind, not an ounce of hesitation when he proposed have dinner with me?

A suggestion to have dinner in his room was met with an eager acceptance of his offer, followed by a playful excuse of only wanting to see the view of the sunset. Bucky knew that wasn’t the only reason you agreed to dinner with him, but even if it was, he’s not so sure he cares.

Room service arrives while he’s anxiously pacing around his room. He got your order before parting earlier, and Bucky has just enough time to set up the meals outside on the patio before there’s a gentle knock to his door. 

Guiding you to the patio, Bucky is sure to point out the setting sun over the ocean. 

“Wow,” you breathe, gaze fixated on the fiery sky before you. “You get to see this every night?”

“Yeah,” Bucky replies a little sheepishly.

“Lucky bastard.” 

You give him a playful smirk, one Bucky returns, and then you’re both sitting down to eat.

Bucky ordered pasta. It sounded good, but more importantly, it’s easy to eat with one hand. No worrying about how he’ll manage to gracefully cut his food, allowing him to focus entirely on you.

“Y’know, I wasn’t actually gonna come on this trip,” you say, peaking up from your meal briefly.

Bucky is slightly startled by your confession, fork hanging in the air. “Really? Why?”

“Mm,” you hum, attention fully on your meal as you cut up a piece of chicken. “Well, my therapist said it would be good for me, so I booked the trip, but then I don’t know. I’ve done one of these before, and after, I just ended up right back where I started. I guess the more I thought about it, I didn’t see the point in going on another one.”

“What was the other one like?”

“Nothing like this.” You smile at him, but he can see a hidden sadness in the depths of your eyes. It makes him hurt on the inside.

The intrigue you create has him wanting to understand everything about you. What brought you here? Is your past just as sorrowfully colorful and depressing as his? 

“What was so bad about where you were before? I mean, before the trip. You said...”

“We all have our demons, don’t we?” You look to him, smile fading and a seriousness taking over your features. “A past we wish we could forget?” 

They’re not really questions you’re looking for answers to, Bucky can sense. And it seems by the knowing look on your face, you have some knowledge about how much truth he finds in those questions. 

“I was in a bad relationship,” you continue in a low voice. “Really bad, for years. It messed with my head and I had a hard time getting out, but eventually I did. And I’ve still got some things I’m working on because of it, but I’m doing better.” There’s another smile on your lips, still small, but more assured this time, silently conveying you are doing better. “I know it’s no comparison to what you’ve been through...”

Bucky is quiet. Processing your words and putting himself in your shoes, but he doesn’t really have to, does he? For years he had been in a tumultuous relationship, used and abused, by a terrible, horrific organization. The difference in severities of his situation versus your situation don’t matter, neither should’ve ever happened.

“It’s still wrong,” he says softly.

You nod in understanding, letting your gaze fall back to your food, but then you’re looking back to Bucky when he speaks again.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” 

Day 6:

Today, Bucky learns it wasn’t so dumb he brought boots to Costa Rica after all. After breakfast, you had asked him to join you for a hike to a waterfall, and that’s all it took for Bucky to agree. 

The trail is a satisfying challenge through the lush Costa Rican forest. Unsurprisingly it’s hot, sweat building over his entire body, but the promise of a cool swim at the end helps Bucky to push forward. Not to mention the view he has of you as he follows from behind. He’s a little ashamed to admit it, but he’s also only human.

A clearing up ahead and the sound of gushing water tells Bucky the waterfall is close. As he steps through the tree line, the air nearly catches in his lungs when he’s met with the full view of it. Majestic and enchanting, it’s like a painting come to life, and he has to pause for a moment to just take it all in.

“It’s so beautiful,” you say, voice a distant sound to Bucky over the roaring of the falls and his own thoughts.

“Yeah,” he agrees with a soft sigh of disbelief.

Something in Bucky’s peripheral catches his attention—you, taking off your backpack then removing your shirt. He quickly looks away, embarrassment flushing his cheeks and raising his body temperature even more, but his eyes naturally trail back to your figure. 

The bikini top you wear leaves little to the imagination, and Bucky suddenly doesn’t know what to do with himself. He knows he should probably look away, he wants to look away, but seeing you nearly bare and moving around before him is just as mesmerizing as the waterfall. Then his mind finally catches up with what you’re doing, and it has his brow creasing in confusion.

“Um, what are you doing?” He asks, standing motionless a few yards away as he watches you rub what looks to be mud all over your arms and legs.

“It’s volcanic ash mud,” you reply matter-of-factly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Uh, okay...” 

He remains where he stands, continuing to silently observe you scoop globs of mud from a large hole in the ground.

“One of the packets said mud baths detoxify and rid the body of impurities,” you explain, not looking up from what you’re doing.

Bucky hums in acknowledgment, still not entirely convinced he understands the science behind it.

“Would you mind?” You ask, gesturing to your back as you hold up a handful of the almost black sludge.

Taken slightly aback at your request, Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise and he fumbles for a response. “Uh…yeah…sure, yes.”

“Thanks,” you smile

Slowly, Bucky makes his way over to you. A steadying breath passes through his lips as he steps up to you, and soon the waterfall is forgotten when he watches you turn around to reveal your other side. The skin of your back is smooth, begging to be touched, and Bucky gets lost in the idea of it, frozen in place as his mind tries to register what he’s about to do.

Sure, he’s become comfortable in your company over the past few days, but this is new. Apart from the massage, Bucky can’t remember the last time he shared physical contact with another person. A handshake? Sure. Maybe a hug? Okay. But that was usually with Steve and Steve doesn’t count. The last time Bucky willingly touched another person? Not just a handshake or a brief hug? Well, that’s an even more distant memory than the time he spent all his train money to buy hot dogs at Rockaway Beach with Steve.

“Everything okay?” You softly giggle, glancing over your shoulder at him.

Blinking a few times, he clears his throat to respond. “Yeah, yes.”

Hand shaking and heart racing, Bucky tries his best to hide the nervousness radiating from his being by quickly bringing a glob of mud to your back and spreading it around swiftly. There’s a few times where he lets the touch of his fingers linger around the base of your neck, the cusp of your shoulder, or the bend of your waist. It takes way longer than it should for Bucky to coat your back, but you don’t seem to mind.

“Okay, done,” he finally mumbles, taking a step away from you, gaze falling to the ground below.

When you turn around, you give him another smile in thanks, but it quickly fades when you register his expression. 

Anxious, nervous, even more so than just a few seconds ago, because what if you expect him to take his shirt off now, too? He’s been to the beach with you, but he was able to stay covered up, only sitting together on the chairs and never going for a swim. 

The rise and fall of his chest picks up, crescent moons form in his palm as he clenches his fist, vision tunneling—Bucky easily recognizes what this is. It’s been a while since he’s had a panic attack, and fuck he was doing so well.

“Bucky...” 

He doesn’t hear it right away.

“Bucky...”

A few more times until finally he hears it. His name, soft and warm, falling from your lips and pulling him from his thoughts.

“Sorry.” He reluctantly meets your concerned gaze, but it’s painted in so much understanding it helps to release some of the tension in his chest. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” you gently assure. “You also don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

A small smile graces your lips, coaxing a relieved sigh from Bucky. But then he’s looking to the ground again, this time not in fear, but in determination. He’s been trying new things all week, why stop now? You haven’t given him the slightest bit of indication you’re put off by the fact he only has one arm, so why should he worry so much if you see him shirtless? 

The scars.

So many scars. Red and angry reminders of where he’s been, what he’s done. The darkness and violence of his past reflected in the cracked and broken skin. They aren’t pretty to look at, that’s why he worries so much.

Fuck it.

With one final deep breath, Bucky looks to you for a brief moment, jaw clenching as he builds up the courage, and then he does it. He reaches behind his neck, grabs a fistful of his shirt by the collar, and swiftly pulls it over his head.

Instantly, his eyes lock with yours. Chest heaving in anticipation as he waits for the rejection. Waits for you to just say it already—disgusting, foul, put your fucking shirt back on.

But it doesn’t come. 

Instead, you stare almost in amazement at his form. Like you feel so honored and privileged he’s trusted you enough to make himself so vulnerable with you. Tears reflect in your eyes, and he can’t stop his own from welling up because in this moment, he’s never felt so free. 

After several quiet minutes, maybe it’s only seconds, he’s not entirely sure, your voice finally fractures the silence.

“God, you’re fucking hot,” you laugh, a small cry breaking through as a few tears fall.

Bucky laughs, too. In relief, in gratitude, in confidence. 

“Thanks,” he chuckles, bringing his hand to rub at the back of his neck.

“Want some mud?”

He joins you by the mud hole, turning around to give you access to coat his back. The delicate touches of your hands on his body are no comparison to the hot stone massage. This feeling has him easily relaxing and relishing in the tenderness of being touched by another person again.

But as you draw closer to his left shoulder, he instinctively sucks in a breath, body going unintentionally rigid. Your ministrations stop when you feel the tension in his back.

“Is this okay? I don’t want—”

“No, it’s fine,” Bucky promptly replies, taking another deep breath. “It’s just... I haven’t been... It’s okay.”

It is okay, but Bucky can tell you aren’t entirely convinced just yet, as your hand still lingers a bit from his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he says again with a bit more certainty, turning his head to the side and seeing you nod from his peripheral.

You work in silence as you carefully rub the dark, grainy substance over his shoulder, and down to where his arm used to be.

“I’ve seen you look at it, y’know,” Bucky finally says, his head still turned to the side. “Why haven’t you asked?”

“It’s not my question to ask,” you answer honestly. “Anyways, do you think it would make a difference if I knew the answer?”

“I don’t... I don’t know.”

You stop what you’re doing and nudge him to turn around to face you. Steel blue eyes meet the intense gaze you give him before you respond.

“If I thought it would make a difference, I wouldn’t be here,” you answer simply. “I’ve only known you for a few days, but you have so much to offer, Bucky. This,” you gesture to his missing limb, “means nothing. And if you ever meet someone who thinks otherwise... Well, I don’t think you should be around them, anyways.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say. He stands in stunned silence, your words resonating inside his mind and tearing down almost every insecurity he’s ever had. He hopes he can hold onto this even after he leaves this place.

“C’mon,” you say, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind you. “We’re gonna jump off the top of that waterfall.”

“Is that safe?”

“Guess we’ll find out.” You turn to give him a playful smirk before letting go and beginning the climb to the top.

It’s a fairly easy climb. There’s plenty of sturdy rocks and holes for him to keep his footing and hoist himself up. It doesn’t take more than five minutes to reach the top, and what a view it is from up here. Standing shoulder to shoulder, Bucky doesn’t know where to look first. From the intense flow of water to the thick greenery of trees and plants, it’s just as surreal from the top, maybe more so, than from down below.

“Oh, this is higher than I thought.”

Bucky looks to you, a smile curling his lips as he registers the traces of regret and uncertainty crinkling your features.

“Nun uh,” he says with a soft chuckle. “You dragged me up here. We’re jumping off.”

He nods his head in reassurance when you turn to him, holding his hand out for you to take. 

“We’ll do it together.”

Silently, you place your hand in his and he grips it like his life depends on it. 

“Ready?” One last look to you before he begins the countdown. “1...2...3!”

Pushing off the rock, Bucky propels forward, his hand never letting go of yours as you both free fall to the pool below. It’s not until he feels the impact of water that he finally releases your hand. Breaking through the surface, he catches his breath, shaking his hair out of his face and he laughs. The exhilaration and adrenaline coursing through his body has him losing control, and he’s in a fit of giggles with you. 

“That was incredible!” You exclaim as you manage to catch your breath.

Bucky doesn’t respond. He’s still laughing to himself, but it slowly begins to die when he catches a glimpse of you and the look in your eye. As you swim closer to him, the beating of his heart picks up. A new surge of adrenaline flows through his body not caused from jumping off a cliff.

Two arms snake over his neck first. Then Bucky feels your legs around his waist, and his right arm wraps around your back to bring your body into his. It’s happening before Bucky can even process it. His lips on yours. Your lips on his. A kiss so full of desperation and passion, shared between two people who hardly know anything about one another, but who know just enough. Even with your body weighing him down in the water, Bucky has never felt lighter.

So caught up in the moment, he doesn’t get the chance to worry if he still remembers how to kiss. If he’s good at it, what he should do with his hand, with his tongue. His body responds how he thinks it should, and he just gets to be here in this moment with you.

Eventually, someone pulls back for air. Bucky thinks it might’ve been you because he’s certain he could kiss you forever. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“No,” Bucky nearly pants. “No.” 

He pulls you back into him, lips crashing onto yours for another searing kiss, cutting off his voice and any other thoughts you may have about it because there is no need for an apology.

The hike back to the resort takes a little longer, the incessant urge to stop and kiss along the way hard to resist. And as it comes into view, Bucky is desperate to ride out this high for as long as he can.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asks, a glint of hope flashing in his bright blue eyes.

You smile at him, a sense of relief emanating from you because he’s reciprocating the same feelings.

“Of course.”

You come to him later that night, once you’ve both showered and changed, and Bucky doesn’t hesitate to pull you in for yet another kiss. It was only an hour, maybe two, since he last saw you, but it was too much time, too long to be a part. His lips tingled the entire time as he waited to feel yours again. 

And when you climb into bed together, it isn’t sexual or provocative. He holds you close and you curl into his side, a quiet comfort and understanding this is all that’s needed in this moment.  

Day 7:

A soft kiss to his cheek, then another, then another, trailing up his jawline. The faint brush of tender lips to the shell of his ear stirs Bucky from his deep sleep.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” you whisper, “or we’re gonna miss it.”

“Miss what?” The words come out grainy, voice rumbling deep in his chest as his body fights off the last remnants of sleep.

“The turtles!” You softly exclaim with a giggle. “They’re hatching today. You really didn’t read the brochures, did you?”

“Guess I didn’t need to,” he yawns, eyes still closed as sleep continues to tempt him. “What time is it?”

“Four.”

That pulls Bucky out of his dazed state. “In the morning?!”

“No, the evening,” you laugh with a playful eye roll. “Yes, the morning. Now get up and get ready!”

With little room for argument, Bucky begrudgingly gets out of bed to put some shoes on. Luckily, the turtle hatching isn’t far from his room, and it’s a short walk down the beach. A small group of people have already gathered, apparently four am is just a little bit too early for most people. It is for Bucky, too, but it doesn’t bother him what time it is. When you ask him to do something, he’s there.

The first cracks in the sand appear and everyone goes silent for a moment. Hushed whisperings of awe begin to pick up as one tiny head and a flipper push through. Not too long after the first one, a second head, then a third, and soon there’s a small army of tiny baby sea turtles pouring out of a hole. Instinctively they begin their journey towards the ocean, crawling and pushing forward against any obstacle.

Bucky watches in astonishment. The beginnings of new life, innocent and pure, not yet tainted by the harsh and cruel realities of the world. To be here and witness such an amazing cycle, it’s incredible and overwhelming. It has Bucky thinking about himself, about this journey he isn’t sure he’s quite figured out just yet, understanding he still has time. Time to start over and begin anew. 

His vision blurs and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he senses your hand slipping into his. A gentle squeeze brings him back down to earth and he blinks away a few tears.

“Thank you,” he whispers, squeezing your hand in return, eyes still on the scene before him.

You don’t say anything. You don’t have to. Instead, Bucky feels you bring yourself closer to him, sliding your other hand up his arm and resting your head on his shoulder.

The rest of the day is spent doing whatever sounds interesting together. Breakfast in Bucky’s room, lounging on the beach, a walk around the resort. At one point, Bucky spots a small group of monkeys and he drags you over to watch them eat some fruit.

Try as he might, Bucky can only live in ignorant bliss for so long, though. Too often his mind pulls him from these happy moments with you to remind him this is it. This is the last day he has with you. He tries to not let that fact sour the mood, and he’s continuously putting on a smile for you. Forced and slightly sad, it’s almost the same as yours when you return it.

As the night draws nearer, he becomes restless and anxious, even more so than he has been all day. There’s something about the receding warmth and light from the sun that creates an incessant reminder of tomorrow and what’s to come. 

But tonight, he’s putting on a brave face and enjoying the final moments he has with you here. The farewell gathering, complete with a bonfire and music, is the last scheduled event for the trip. He silently gets ready in his room, impatiently waiting for you to come to him. 

Giving himself another once over in the mirror by the bathroom, a gentle knock pulls his attention to the door, and he opens it not even a second later. Something told Bucky to bring at least one nice shirt when he packed for this trip, and he’s glad he did. Its just a simple white button up and a pair of jeans, but when he sees the look you give him? He feels like a man worth all the money in the world.

And he’s sure the look he gives you is no different. A sundress, colorful and airy, drapes over your body and flows with your movements. It fits you in the best way possible and Bucky can only stare in disbelief at your effortless beauty. He pulls you in for a kiss before taking your hand in his, leading the way out.

The bonfire comes into view, and it almost reminds Bucky of that first night, except this time, he’s decided to go barefoot and he hasn’t come alone. A group has already formed, a small band is playing live music while drinks and appetizers are being passed around. It’s a night of reflections and staying open to possibilities.

Not too long after arriving, Gerard is calling for everyone’s attention, a final thank you and goodbye for coming.

“We hope you’ve been able to learn something new about yourself, or allowed yourself the chance to see things differently, try new things while you were here. We wish you well on your journey, and hope you’ve found what you were looking for.”

The words resonant with Bucky as he considers them for a moment. He had been so caught up in you he forgot to figure out what his journey was. But then he thinks, maybe it was never just one, obvious thing; one clear idea. He’s tried new things, put himself out there, and he feels almost born again. Looking at the world through a different lens than when he arrived. The world is still scary, yes, but if he knows there are more people in it like you, he thinks he’ll be okay. 

He brings the back of your hand to his lips, placing a chaste kiss to the soft skin. You smile then, and he smiles, too. Feels it crinkling the corners of his eyes and stretching across his face—genuine and full of content. He could live in this moment forever.

Still holding onto your hand, Bucky doesn’t want to let it go, but he feels you both being pulled apart, getting swept up into conversations with other people met throughout the week. As Bucky sits beside Henry, he barely registers anything the older gentleman is saying. Catching snippets here and there, however, most of his attention is on you. Gaze rarely faltering, he watches you talk and laugh with another woman. And he doesn’t miss the glances you make in his direction, either.

The band shifts to play a new song, and you’re dismissing yourself from the woman and walking towards him with a coy smirk on your face. He can read you like a book, and before he can protest, you’re reaching for his hand. Bucky feigns reluctance as he excuses himself from the conversation with Henry, allowing you to pull him up for a dance. 

It’s been awhile since he’s danced. Let his body do whatever it wanted and move to the rhythm of the music. He nearly forgot how much he loves it. 

He twirls you, spins and sways with you, and Bucky is losing himself in the moment. Laughter falls from your lips, and it’s the only song he ever wants to dance to. The fire flickers across your features, illuminating the color of your eyes and brightening your smile. And then he feels it. 

A want begins to build within, burning hotter than any flame. Acting on pure instinct, Bucky brings you into him, hand on your jaw, his lips catching yours. The want quickly turns into something more, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. And when he pulls away, the lust reflecting in your eyes tells him it’s the same for you, too. It lights a renewed fire inside him, lowering his inhibitions and making him feel alive.

Grabbing you by the hand, Bucky stumbles with you through the sand back to his room. Both drunk on each other and the anticipation of what’s to come. The moment the door closes, he pins you against the wall. A fervent kiss to your lips that quickly deepens, tongues interlacing with one another. Bucky’s hand is on your jaw, your neck, trailing down to your waist as you unbutton his shirt. 

He’s desperate for this. Desperate to remember what it’s like to be this way with another person again. It’s been so long he’s forgotten how intense this feeling is—so powerful and unrelenting. 

Bucky senses you’re right there with him. It shows in the needy touches, the quiet moans between kisses. Then, his hand splays on the wall above your head, grounding himself in hopes of not passing out as you undo his jeans and reach inside. 

It’s difficult for Bucky to feel where his body is in space, a whimper falling from his lips as his head rolls back, dizzy and overwhelmed. Only a few slow pumps of your hand has him grabbing your wrist to stop before catching your lips in another eager kiss.

“I need it,” he pants. “I need you.”

Guiding him to the bed, clothes falling to the floor along the way, Bucky follows your lead. He’s feeling bold, yes, but this is all still essentially new to him. Pulling him down on top of you, Bucky quickly settles in the space between your legs, hovering over you he hesitates as a brief realization of what’s happening hits.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes,” you reply with a kiss, “more than okay.”

“I don’t... This is...” he struggles to explain what he’s thinking. He hasn’t don’t this in a while, but he’s still aware of the consequences and precautions. Finally, he just blurts it out. “I’m clean, but I don’t have any protection.”

Stopping the assault on his neck, you pull back, eyes scanning over his features. Heartache and appreciation swirls with the desire that clouds them. 

“I’m clean, too,” you say, voice trailing before you continue lowly, “and I can’t...get pregnant.”

He understands it now. The way you looked at him when he exposed himself to you at the waterfall, because he feels it, too. Sharing something so personal and sensitive, he hopes it’s as liberating for you as it was for him. 

A kiss, one full of respect and promise, as he leans down on his elbow and he slides into you. Slowly pushing in to give you both the chance to adjust, his lips never leave yours. It’s exhilarating and all consuming when he’s fully inside, eyes dampening and body shuddering at the indescribable pleasure. After several timid movements, he’s able to pick up a steady rhythm, gaining a newfound confidence with each thrust and mewl that falls from your pretty lips.

Then there’s a push from your hips and hands to his shoulder, and he’s taking the hint. Thankful for his super human strength, he’s easily able to shift positions and pull you on top with one arm. From this angle, Bucky is dumbfounded as he looks up to you. He’s accepted this new life with only one arm, but fuck if he doesn’t wish he had two in this moment. Hand trailing up your thigh, over the curve of your hip, to the swell of your breasts, anywhere he can reach. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, blue eyes shining in the moonlight. 

Heavy pants, broken whimpers, and soft words of encouragement pass between heady kisses. Fingertips pressing hard into your waist as your bodies work together, and he can feel you begin to tremble, fluttering around him. The fire within reaches unimaginable heights, burning flames of pleasure up his spine and alighting his entire body in euphoria. Pushing into you one last time, hips stalling and flush against yours, he wraps his arm tightly around your waist to keep you as close as possible. He finishes with a low, satisfied grunt deep in his chest.

It takes several still moments full of steadying breaths and hard swallows before he’s coming to. Your eyes, bright and elated, shine down at him, and Bucky pulls you in for one final kiss. 

The moon lowers in the sky, the threat of tomorrow creeping closer and closer, and Bucky finds it difficult to fall asleep. Apparently you do, too. Holding each other close, silently waiting for the inevitable between brief moments of light slumber and lasting kisses. 

Day 8 (Departure):

Morning comes much too soon, and it takes Bucky a moment to realize he isn’t in a dream. Bodies pressed together, bare and vulnerable, just as the two of you were last night. He takes a slow breath through his nose, the warm exhale causing you to stir against him. It encourages him to place a tender kiss to your shoulder, reveling in the feel of your soft skin against his lips again and again and again.

He could get used to waking up this way, he thinks. Tangled in sheets and warm limbs, but then cold, harsh reality seeps in—the trip is over. In a few short hours, you’ll both be on separate planes, back to your own lives.

A heavy silence lingers as you lounge with him in bed, stealing kisses and occasionally adjusting the hold you have on one another. Neither wanting to acknowledge the painful farewell that’s on the horizon, but then the clock is screaming it’s time. 

Wordlessly, he packs his suitcase, folded shirts and precious memories stuffed inside together. After, he walks with you back to your room, quietly sitting as you do the same. The air becomes too thick, constricting his throat and Bucky is finding it harder and harder to look at you; a first since meeting you.

Now, standing in the lobby with you in an attempt to push off the inevitable that little bit more, he briefly thinks how he found it so beautiful when he arrived, now it’s the ugliest thing he’s ever seen.

Your shuttle arrives first. Awkwardly standing together for a moment, neither wanting to be the first to seal this fate. Bucky feels a mix of emotions taking over—sadness it’s over, happiness it happened, and gratefulness he gets to leave with everything you’ve given him. Holding your gaze with a weak smile, he pulls you in for a final kiss goodbye.

“Thank you,” he whispers, forehead resting against yours, “for everything.” He cups your jaw, thumb running soothing strokes along your slightly damp cheek.

“I’m really happy I met you, Bucky,” you softly say.

“I’m so happy I met you.” 

Reluctantly, Bucky lets you go then. He watches you reach for your suitcase and head for the exit, and suddenly a bout of anxiety swirls in his chest as a painful realization hits.

“Wait!” He calls, instantly getting your attention. You look to him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t... I don’t have a way to contact you.”

For once, he’s cursing himself for not having a phone. Why did he think he didn’t need one again? He wants to be able to reach out to you once he’s settled back home, but he also wants to assure you what happened last night isn’t a regular thing for him, and it meant a lot. 

It doesn’t paint the best picture—sleeping with someone on the last night of a trip, any confusing thoughts or feelings never having to be dealt with knowing the next day you’ll be far away. That wasn’t his intention, and he’s definitely not that type of guy. He’s almost certain you know it’s not that way, but regardless, he’d really like to be able to talk with you again.

There’s a pause as you consider his words, gaze holding his before responding.

“It’s okay,” you say with a smile and watery eyes. “I’m sure we’ll find each other again.” 

It’s not truly comforting, but there’s something in the way you say it that has Bucky believing it’s true. You give him one last smile, one he is sure to ingrain in his memory, before you turn to leave. As he watches you pass through the sliding doors, Bucky catches sight of something—a sign. Reading it silently to himself, it stirs that same bit of excitement and uncertainty in him the first time he saw it, but now, it’s welcomed and embraced because he’s ready.

Welcome to Metanoia in beautiful Costa Rica! Your journey awaits you...