#this was the one i was supposed to post yesterday but accidentally skipped a chapter

[andnowanowl]

Since "Palestine Speaks: Narratives of Life Under Occupation" is suspiciously not available in the US in the form of an e-book, I purchased a physical copy and wanted to share it here for anyone else also unable to get access.

RIYAM KAFRI ABU LABAN

Chemistry professor, blogger, 36

Born in Amman, Jordan

Interviewed in Ramallah, West Bank

Riyam Kafri Abu Laban was born in Amman, Jordan. Her father was one of thousands of Palestinians not allowed to return to their homes after the Six-Day War of 1967 —marking a second wave of Palestinian refugees after the massive displacement of 1948. Riyam's parents waited for the opportunity to return to the West Bank instead of leaving to pursue lucrative jobs elsewhere. They finally returned to the West Bank in 1980, after years of legal wrangling. On returning to Palestine, they settled near Ramallah.

We interview Riyam in her spacious kitchen in Ramallah. As she talks, she stirs pots, washes dishes, and checks the oven, effortlessly putting together a dinner for six as she tells her life story. We learn that this kind of multi-tasking is normal for her. She is the mother of twins, teaches organic chemistry at Al-Quds University, and she helps to run the university's liberal arts program (designed in conjunction with Bard College). She also writes a blog with a fellow professor, and her posts are sharply observed explorations of daily life in Palestine.

Writing is Riyam's passion, but she came to it later in her career. She received her Ph.D. in chemistry from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville and had the opportunity to live a comfortable life in the United States. She chose instead to return to Palestine where she started teaching, and she found her voice as a writer in describing life as a resident of the West Bank. She writes that Palestine is "like a distant land that inhabits the warmest chambers of one's heart, so close yet so unattainable.¹

A DESIRE TO LIVE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER TEENAGER IN THE WORLD

When the war broke out in 1967, my father was an electrical engineering Ph.D. student in Germany. After the war, Israel gave ID cards to Palestinians. The cards were required for them to remain in Palestine, but since my father was abroad at the time they were distributed, he wasn't able to get one. My mom, who hadn't yet met my father, was in the West Bank at the time and was able to get an ID card. A little after dad moved to Jordan. Later, he met my mother while she was traveling through Jordan to visit a relative. My parents were married in November 1977, and then they started working immediately to return to Palestine. At first they thought that since my dad was marrying someone with an ID card, it would be easier for him to apply for one as well. But the Israeli government said that they needed to have a child to prove that the marriage was real. They got pregnant really quickly and I was born nine months later, in Amman, Jordan, in October 1978.²

After I was born, my parents continued their pursuit of an ID card for my father. This time, the Israeli authorities told my mom that she needed to have a boy, because a girl didn't count. Who knows what their reasoning was. My mom had to make the choice to get pregnant as soon as possible again, so that she could try to have a boy and reapply for an ID for my father.

An opportunity came up for my father to help build a new university out of a technical college that was located in Abu Dis.³ So we moved to Palestine in 1979, even though we didn't have an ID for my father yet. We didn't stay long. The faculty named the new university Al-Quds.⁴ Al-Quds is the Arabic name for the city of Jerusalem, and the name drew a lot of attention from the Israeli authorities, who assumed the founders were implying that the city belonged to the Palestinians. Some professors were arrested, and my dad was sent back to Jordan.

The next year, my mother was pregnant with my brother Muhanned, and we tried again to live in the West Bank. My father had found teaching work. This time, we settled near Ramallah.⁵ Finally, my father was able to obtain an ID card not long after my brother was born. Then after he got his ID card, he helped found the engineering school at Birzeit University.⁶ My mother was a teacher, and later a principal, but she took some time off after the birth of Muhanned and later my sister Duna.

I grew up in a politically active family. I also grew up with parents who thought that their children had to leave a mark on society. We were raised to think that we had to live with a sense of purpose. And the main purpose, the underlying goal, was always to serve Palestine in one way or another.

I was sheltered from some of the problems many Palestinians have, but I can't say I grew up completely sheltered, because I was educated about the Israeli occupation. You know, I grew up during the beginning of the First Intifada, so the entire atmosphere was different.⁷ Everyone, from teenagers to adults, was more aware of Palestine, of the political situation, of the prisoners and arrests.⁸ Demonstrations took place right outside our home, since we lived in a central area of Al-Bireh, just outside Ramallah.⁹ One of my earliest clear memories is from the start of the Intifada. I was eight years old, and I spoke to a BBC reporter. I told him, "We're not just throwing rocks, we want our freedom!"

The demonstrations during the First Intifada brought the neighborhood together. At that time, women would knit navy-blue V-neck shirts that they could send to prisoners. So that's how I learned knitting. The prison would only accept that color, and it had to be V-neck, and it had to be plain—we couldn't even use any stitches but the most basic ones. And my mom was part of a women's group that would go into refugee camps to visit prisoners' families, and they would also collect these knitted shirts and send them to prisons.

I don't remember much about my first couple of years at school. Actually, the Israeli military shut down most schools in the area during the First Intifada. Schools might operate for only a few hours a week. So we did distance learning. I was enrolled at the Friends School, and I'd go once every two weeks to drop off my assignments and pick up new ones.¹⁰ The first day of the year, we'd go to pick up our books, get our first assignments, and then immediately go home to start working on them. We were really responsible for our own education. Kids from all around would come to our home, and my mother would teach them. Finally, when I was around twelve, the school reopened. But even then it was only open for half days.

Around the time I became a teenager, the Intifada took on a different emotional quality for me. I wasn't just knitting sweaters anymore I was watching my friends get arrested. I remember the powerful desire to live just like any other teenager around the world, to spend my time listening to music and not having to care about politics. It was suffocating. I say this with a lot of humility, because I didn't even see what it was like to live in a refugee camp. So if I was suffocating in the middle of a city, with a home that had all the amenities that anyone could ask for, I can't imagine what it was like for anyone in the refugee camps. And then I saw this complete switch, with Oslo, around 1993.¹¹

Things started to open up more. We could get to places we couldn't get to before, including Jerusalem, and Haifa, and Jaffa.¹² By the time I graduated from high school in '96, even the topics of conversation with my more the day-to-day concerns with friends were completely different living and work. We didn't need to talk about fighting just to live and struggling just to exist. I could think about things like the New Kids on the Block, pop music. But even as a teen, I never trusted the Oslo Accords. We had peace, but it felt like an illusion, a hologram.

I WAS IN LOVE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A ROAD TRIP

I lived in Ramallah until I was seventeen. Then I graduated from the Friends School, and I received a full-tuition scholarship to Earlham College in the States.¹³ The Friends School had an arrangement where they'd send one or two graduating students to Earlham on full scholarship every year. I'd applied to a few other liberal arts colleges in the States, but I really wanted to get into Earlham, and when I got the scholarship, my family discussed it. It was a little bit of a conflict. It was very tough for dad, particularly. My mother is a very realistic woman, and she felt like her children leaving home was inevitable. But I think for my father it was harder. He viewed the United States as a country that helped Israel. It was a matter of principle that his daughter shouldn't leave this country to study in the U.S. Coming to terms with that was a huge adjustment.

In the end, we decided that I'd go with the idea to become a physician, and that I would return to Palestine after my education. My parents announced, "We'll allow you, our first daughter, to go to the United States on your own, only under the following terms—you will not return with a bachelor's in biology or chemistry, because you could always do that at Birzeit, and you will try to get into medical school." I would finish my education, and then I would come back and work here in Palestine.

All I knew about Earlham was that it was a small school, that I wouldn't have more than thirty or forty students in my classes, which was true. Except for introductory classes, I think most of my classes were like that. I think at seventeen you don't know what to expect out of college, and I soon learned that the school was extremely challenging. I worked really hard. But the social life was far better than I expected. The kindness of people on campus made me feel really cared for in a small setting. And Earlham was very pro-Palestinian. As a Quaker institution, they were very interested in educating Palestinians—they'd been accepting Palestinian students since 1948.

I took biology in the first year, under the assumption that I'd be a pre-med student. But I was broken by the anatomy and physiology course. I just couldn't do it—the smell, the formaldehyde. I worked so hard, and I could barely break a C in the course.

And in the meantime, I was taking organic chemistry, and I was practically sleeping through the course and I was getting an A, you know? And that's when things kind of shifted. I had a great organic chemistry professor, Thomas Ruttledge, who's still my friend and colleague, and I decided to become a chemist. And I thought, "Well, I'll get a Ph.D. instead of an M.D." And I wanted to work in the pharmaceutical industry. That part really enticed me—the idea of creating things.

By the end of my undergrad experience, I felt very much at home at Earlham, and I do think those were the best four years my of entire time in the United States. You know, the one thing that fascinated me the most living in the United States was the ability to drive anywhere. I was in love with the concept of a road trip. I learned driving just to be able to drive out for endless hours, because it was mind-boggling to me that I could cross state lines and be in Tennessee for a couple of hours, and on the same day drive back to Indiana, no problem! That was new to me, and I loved traveling, even after starting my Ph.D. program.

I did my Ph.D. in medicinal organic chemistry at the University of Tennessee, and I focused on computer-based drug design and discovery. I learned to design compounds by modeling enzymes on a computer, which was a very cutting edge approach to medicinal chemistry at the time. I worked with a team that researched anti-HIV compounds and anti-cancer agents.

I briefly considered staying in the U.S. When you're in graduate school and doing research, all you see as important is the science that you're doing. And you don't have a concept or understanding of what life really is, right? Because for a scientist, life exists within the walls of the lab, and the library, and on your computer. And so for a while I really thought that I should stay for a post-doc there. But my parents weren't willing to live through another year of not having their children around. They were really adamant that we should all finish and return as soon as we were done.

Also, I started my Ph.D. program at Tennessee right before September 11, 2001. I remember the day of the attacks, I had to teach a class. As I walked into the classroom, I heard some students whispering about me, "She's Palestinian, they're responsible for this." I couldn't keep silent. I told the whole class that it couldn't have been the Palestinians, and that there was no way I would condone such an act. I told them I came from a violent place, but that all I wanted was for things to be easier for my younger brother and sister. I ended up crying, and a colleague came to the classroom and took over the class for me.

Later I experienced real hostility, even from some faculty, me questions like, "Why are Muslims like this?" I knew then I couldn't stay in the U.S. I couldn't go through life explaining myself to others. It sounds strange, but I thought then that if I had children, I'd rather they who'd askgrow up with the problems of occupation and know who they were than to keep having to explain themselves and their identities to everyone else in their community.

There is a lot that I still love about the U.S. and the South - I still make sweet potato pie every November, around Thanksgiving. But since September 11, I've known there is no way I could be happy living my entire life in the States.

So an opportunity arose in Ramallah at a pharmaceutical company called Pharmacare, and it sounded interesting enough. Also, I thought, If I'm willing to try living in the United States and adjust to its cultural values - the way it works, its social structure, everything—then why not give this chance to Palestine itself?

So after my Ph.D. program I returned to Palestine in January 2007, and I began researching the antioxidant activity of Palestinian plants with Pharmacare. It was part of a project where we were looking for anti-cancer compounds in traditional Palestinian medicinal plants. I worked with herbalists throughout the West Bank. We started the lab from scratch. Up until that point, all pharmaceutical companies in the West Bank were generic drug producers. Our work was the first to invest in innovative research in the region.

THERE'S A RHYTHM IN PALESTINE THAT REALLY GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN

Palestine had changed quite a lot since I had left. I had been away for the entire Second Intifada.¹⁴ I had never seen the wall. That was my first impression of what had changed. I had seen pictures, but to see it cut through terrain I remembered well—honestly, to this day I haven't resolved the feeling I had when I saw it. Passing into the West Bank through Qalandiya, I saw incredible poverty—Qalandiya looks like all the misery of the West Bank, including overcrowding.¹⁵ Then driving into Ramallah, I was amazed to see how things had grown. There were new tall buildings, signs that people were doing okay. The city was jazzy, sort of dressed up. Coming back home, it was as though that illusion of peace, the hologram, had shrunk to a bubble just around my hometown.

Still, being back in Ramallah was a challenge in some ways. Once you go to graduate school abroad, it's an entirely different experience living in Palestine. Believe it or not, the culture shock was easier to get over going to Earlham from Palestine than the culture shock that I faced coming back after almost eleven years of being away.

I can't exactly pinpoint what the reasons are for the difficulty. I think one of them is that I spent eleven years on my own, in a country that's fairly free and accepts anything and everything. And I learned to think for myself, learned to accept people for what they are and who they are, and not judge them for what they think or what they look like or what they believe. And I came back to a country that's fairly systematic. There's a specific, almost rigid, structure in society here that you have to fit into.

I came back here to Palestine, and I had social obligations and family obligations, and I was no longer able to read in my free time. Even the way I dressed had to change. So it was very difficult at the beginning.

But even in those early days back, I felt like Ramallah had a way of making me feel comfortable. And it's not just the city—it's the people. There's a rhythm in Palestine. Every country has its own rhythm, but there's a rhythm in Palestine that really gets under your skin, even with all the difficulty of travel, with all the difficulty of being stuck on the road in traffic. There's something that just gets under your skin, and it's very difficult to leave, once you start to get settled in here. I also finally found old friends, and a lot of my friends were going through the same difficulties. They'd been gone for a while, they were educated outside, whether in France or England or the U.S., and had returned. So we had something in common, and a common language, and that's kind of what's got me slowly coming back into living here.

OUR FIRST CLASS

I worked for Pharmacare for over two years, until around 2010. But there were several reasons why I thought it was not the right place. I was spending my entire time in a lab with only one other person, and I realized more and more that I wanted to work with people. And what does a Ph.D. do with people, other than teach, right? When I was nineteen years old, my adviser Thomas Ruttledge told me that I would end up in teaching, and I thought he just didn't know me. He said that I had it in me.

So in 2010, I applied to Al-Quds University and Birzeit University for teaching positions. Al-Quds had recently developed a partnership with Bard College in the U.S., where Bard would establish a liberal arts degree program within Al-Quds.¹⁶ And Bard thought I was the perfect candidate to teach for them—I was a liberal arts college graduate. I would understand the concepts and the teaching methods of liberal arts education.

Originally, it was a part-time position for a semester, so I only taught one class. After that first semester, Al-Quds and Bard immediately offered me a full-time position. They kind of took me in. They didn't care that I didn't have an extensive publication history or anything like that. It wasn't an old boys' club like Birzeit University.

I became a core faculty member and one of the founding faculty members. We had no program—only thirty students— and I remember running these internal transfer campaigns, where we encouraged students from Al-Quds University to give it a try for one semester. We basically opened it up for everybody, so good students and bad students were applying, and we accepted all of them just to be able to run a program. Then I started building the science program, and now we have the largest and most successful division in the entire college. I have sixty students who are hoping to complete their degree in either biology or chemistry right now. This year, at the end of June 2014, we were able to graduate our second class and my first class of chemistry majors.

I WORE A HEADPIECE THAT'S 200 YEARS OLD AND MADE OF GOLD LIRAS

In the spring of 2009, I met a man named Ahmad through a friend of mine who works with him in the municipal government. We saw each other occasionally for a year and a half, but I wouldn't say we were dating, really. I saw him once or twice, and I think we were both busy with our careers, and so it kind of just took its time.

We would send each other messages every now and then, check on each other. Then it took a more serious turn in the fall of 2010, in September. We started seeing each other among groups of friends so that we could keep it on the down-low, so no one would really catch who was dating whom.

Then in the end of December, we decided that we wanted to be together. He invited me to dinner on December 30 at his family's home. He said that after dinner he'd love to go to my parents' home—he wanted to meet them. From there, things developed really quickly. On Friday morning, New Year's Eve, he called me and he said that his older brother would like to talk to my father and that he'd like to make this official, which is the culturally correct way of doing things. And so they set a date to talk to my parents officially and ask for my hand in marriage.

The night of New Year's Eve, Ahmad surprised me by proposing in front of 360 guests at the Mövenpick Hotel New Year's Eve party.¹⁷ So, by the next morning, the entire city knew that we were engaged.

It was right at the beginning of the second semester for me, so it was a little bit hard to think about getting married during the semester, but semesters at Al-Quds University are never properly planned, because there are strikes, and there are closures and political reasons not to go to school. So we thought about April for a wedding date, and then it didn't work with one of his brothers, whose daughter was expecting a child, and they wanted to be with her when she had the child. We decided that it would have to be pushed till June, but his mother was not willing to see that happen. She felt like she was old, and you never know what happens, and she wanted to be there for the wedding. And so we actually ended up getting married in March 2011, on a very cold, rainy day.

We had a full-on traditional Palestinian wedding. I wore a traditional dress, and I also wore a headpiece that's 200 years old and made of gold liras—Ottoman liras. The wedding party was huge. There were over 700 guests. I should have known that my life would be loud after that. After the big wedding, we had a smaller wedding reception for the family and close friends.

Within less than a year, I went from being single and career-oriented to a wife, a pregnant woman, then a mother of two. I had my twins on November 10, 2011. I came from a small, nuclear family where everybody's educated, and we had a very quiet breakfast every Friday morning, and suddenly I shifted from that into this huge, clan-like family, with a whole lot of brothers and sisters who are all married with children, whose children were having children. Life with my husband's family was loud and lively, and I learned how to cook for forty people—while pregnant. And I found myself completely entrenched in Palestinian life in a way I hadn't been before.

I DISCOVERED THE WRITER IN ME

My husband worked as the mayor of Ramallah's right-hand man. When we married, in a way, I thought I was marrying Ramallah. My friends actually nicknamed me "Lady Ramallah," because I was everywhere, I would go to all the cultural events, always out in the city.

When I finally got to know my husband's family well, I realized that I didn't marry the city, I married Abu Shusha and Zakariyya, which were the two villages that his parents had left in 1948.¹⁸ I suddenly found myself completely entrenched in Palestinian culture that I've only read about the diaspora refugee culture. Now, my kids are descendants of refugees. It's been a total switch for me. And it was more eye-opening to me - there's real suffering in Palestine, there's real heartbreak. And it's a lot more than what people think it is. When I began to see these things, that's when the writing happened.

In July 2010, Bard sent me to the U.S. to do this writing workshop called "Language and Thinking," which is part of our core program for all of our students, and all faculty from all fields are encouraged to teach the course. And that's where I discovered the writer in me. At the Bard workshop, I discovered how much I love human beings and that I like to learn from them. That is when I started to write in earnest. Before long I had started a blog about Palestine called The Big Olive.

I started it with a woman I met at a wedding named Tala. I met Tala exactly two weeks before I went to that writing workshop, so all these things started to come together at the same time. Initially, the blog was supposed to be about Ramallah and about my return to the city, and how the city helped me really adjust. But it became more about growing close to this big Palestinian family of my husband's as well.

Another reason I felt I needed to write about the real Palestine was that I was traveling a lot through the West Bank doing school recruitment. I spent a lot of time traveling to the Abu Dis campus near Jerusalem, visiting Bethlehem, going from checkpoint to checkpoint. The blog became a place where I could examine what it was like to live in this growing, cosmopolitan city—Ramallah—and then going out and observing a culture that you don't see within the city.

Back when I was living in the U.S., I used to get asked about life in Palestine quite a lot by my friends there. I would tell them to imagine that you are commuting from New York City to a small town in New Jersey, which should be an hour drive. But in order to get there, you can't take the regular highway, you have to take all these back roads. And even the back roads aren't all open, and at any point in time, any of the state police might stop you and ask you questions for an hour or more without giving any reason. Suddenly most of your day, most of your work, has been commuting home. It's exhausting. That's what living in Palestine is like, and that's what I wanted to capture in my blog.

I'd always tell my American friends, "You take your freedom to move too much for granted." I remember being stuck in traffic going to JFK after my workshop with Bard in 2010. I was trying toget to the airport to go back to Palestine, and I was really getting antsy. I was with my friend, and I said something like, "Oh my God, I'm going to miss my plane, and I can't understand this traffic." And my friend looked at me and said, "What do you mean you can't understand this traffic? You're the one who lives it every day in Palestine." But that's the thing we take gridlock for granted in Palestine. It's possible to be surprised by terrible traffic in the United States. And so I think that's the difference between traveling here and there.

As Palestinians, we can't take any of our day-to-day plans for granted. I may plan to start my class at eleven o'clock, and on any day I could easily be fifteen minutes late, an hour late, no matter how early I left—for no reason other than a random pop-up checkpoint somewhere between home and school. There may not even be a tense situation or security reason for the pop-up checkpoint. It could be just because.

The stress of getting to work and then back home rules our lives. And now that I have children, I feel it's even further compounded. I have to get to daycare to get my children, and to bring them home so that I can have an hour with them during the day, so then I can put them to bed on time. And that's such a basic human want. That's something that working mothers all over the world have to worry about. But I have to worry about it several times over. Every day I have to figure out how I might improvise if I can't get to daycare to pick up my children on time.

This stress makes you age faster, I think. In certain areas of Palestine, you can cut the tension and serve it up on a platter. And it's because people are not able to be regular human beings, because they're completely controlled by these random obstacles that will stop life from happening.

When I was pregnant, I constantly feared that my water would break in Qalandiya and I'd be stuck. I had twins who were breech sideways, and so there was no room for them to come out. I couldn't have natural birth.knew that. And so, the last time I drove, I was about a week from giving birth. I went as far as making arrangements with a doctor in Bethlehem so that, should my water break, it would be easier to go to Bethlehem and give birth there than drive the few miles to my hospital. So I had a friend, and he agreed that he would have an ambulance on standby in Bethlehem that would come and pick me up at the drop of a hat and would take me right away to the French women's hospital in Bethlehem. He would also make sure that he was in contact with my OB/GYN, who could explain to him on the phone the details of my pregnancy. That's an extreme example, but the truth is that every time I leave the house, I have to have contingency plans. I never know how long it might take to run simple errands.

If you're in much of the U.S., you're pregnant with twins, and you work a few miles away from home and the hospital, you can get to any hospital at any time, no matter when your water breaks, no matter if your twins are breech, or both pointing downward with their heads and ready to be delivered naturally. You have that access. Here, you don't.

The only access from one city to the other is roads, and when those roads are blocked, then life stops. And that's how women end up giving birth at checkpoints. I wrote about giving birth at a checkpoint on my blog, and I was writing about my own fears. It was something that kept coming at me. And even when I was driving, I kept thinking, "What if I get stuck in this crazy traffic, and someone hits me, rear-ends me, and then I lose one of the babies because of the shock?"

For anyone who doesn't know the road Wadi Nar - actually, it's a little better now that the roads are a little bigger - but it's this winding, uphill road between Ramallah and the cities southeast of Jerusalem where trucks of all kinds and sizes and cars of all kinds and sizes are traveling two ways. There are no clear two lanes, and literally, when you are going up, look to your right, you're practically on the edge of a cliff. If your car gets hit, there's nowhere to go except down the valley.

I tell my friends that it's only by the grace of God that I make it from sunrise to sunset every day, and I go to Abu Dis, and I still have the energy to take care of two kids every day. The only way for me to de with this stress is to write. I've gotten such positive responses to the blog from everyone who reads it, but I'm not sure if I'm actually a good writer, or if people just want to be nice to me. And this is where one of my fears exists. It's not a fear, it's maybe that I'm not willing to believe that I'm good at something else other than science.

On the other hand, I found this open-armed place with this community where anything you write is up for discussion, and it's up for editing and up for improvement, and people are willing to read what you write. Because every time you write, you're putting yourself on that paper. And I'm always submitting pieces to an online magazine called This Week in Palestine, or just putting work up on the blog, and thinking, Dear God, please have mercy on me. There's a piece of me within those words. So don't let them batter it because it would break my heart. And so I'm in between, as a writer, I'm still searching for the voice. I don't know what narrative I'm going to take, I don't know what I am trying, I don't even know what story I'm telling.

So I'm still trying to find my voice. I'm not ready to give up science completely and just do writing. And at the same time, I can't just let the science take over, because I'm so extremely happy to finally have that part of me alive again.

THERE IS REAL SUFFERING OUTSIDE OF RAMALLAH

When the Bard program at Al-Quds was just getting started, we didn't have enough students to fill the classes. Besides teaching, I worked as a recruiter and traveled all around the West Bank to meet students. I traveled a lot in Bethlehem and recruited a lot of students from the refugee camps there. I also recruited quite a lot from around Hebron. Those trips were so valuable to me, because they reminded me that there is real suffering outside of Ramallah, beyond the day-to-day obstacles of checkpoints and uncertainty that I faced in moving around the West Bank.

I've seen that suffering touch my students. We recruited quite a lot from the refugee camps, and so I taught many of the young people I was recruiting. I remember one student took an intro organic chemistry class with me I always had to tell him to be quiet so I could get on with the lecture, because he was always asking questions. He was funny, sweet, handsome. One of the leaders in the program. Then in the middle of summer break, he disappeared for two weeks. His parents had no idea where he was—they just found his car abandoned in the street one day. He'd been arrested. And then when he returned to school in the fall, he was a completely changed person. He didn't say a single word all fall semester.

But I think the liberal arts approach here is valuable. The students really take to it—they flourish. We have students reading Greek philosophy, drama. And writing as well. I remember one assignment where students read the "to be or not to be" soliloquy from Hamlet and recast it from a Palestinian perspective. The students shared their work in class, and the results were chilling and powerful.

I hope my students will have an easier time than my generation has had. I hope they make the Palestinian cause the way they see it and not simply follow leaders whose ideas have expired. And I hope they stay alive. For my children, I hope they find liberation through education, and I hope that they choose the pen and the book before anything else. For myself, I want to continue to write, though my hopes for Palestine feel more and more crushed. I hope to never forget for a moment that whatever peace and prosperity I have in Ramallah is temporary - an illusion.

---

Footnotes

¹ From the appendices -

IN WAITING by Riyam Kafri Abu Laban

The following prose poem was written by Riyam Kafri Abu Laban and is included here to stand in for sentiments expressed to us by nearly every one of our interviewees, whether their narratives were included in this collection or not.

Welcome to the land of waiting. People here are born waiting. Waiting to return to a homeland lost, and, from the looks of it, in the most desperate moments, lost forever.

Waiting to return to a home they still carry a key for in their hand, and a memory of in their heart; an image hidden in the folds of their dreams, and which, sadly, in the most realistic moments they know no longer exists.

In Palestine you wait for Ramadan, just like you wait for a breath of fresh air in a crowded restaurant in New York City. You wait for a permit to travel. You wait for schools to open, for the strike to end, for the checkpoint to be removed, for the accident rubble to be cleared. You wait for the Allenby Bridge to empty, for the doctor to finally come in on time.

In Palestine you wait. You wait for your dreams to come true.

You wait to leave the refugee camp, you wait to leave the village, you wait to arrive in Ramallah, you wait for destiny to embrace you—but she really never does. In fact, at the first stop she slaps you hard in the face and leaves her mark on you, and then you spend a lifetime waiting for that wound to heal. It never does.

In Palestine you wait to graduate, you wait to find a job, you wait for the next job to be better than the first.

In Palestine you wait to get married, then you wait to have children, then you wait for them to grow. Then you wait for them to become doctors—but trust me, they will not.

In Palestine you wait in line endlessly to receive permission to see the Palestine that is yours. And after you finally get a chance to see her, you realize she looks nothing like what your grandparents described, and nothing like the country your mother cries over. You wait to see her, only to realize that she has moved on, and did not wait for you.

In Palestine you wait for the birth of a child anxiously, with the hope she will not be born on a checkpoint.

In Palestine you wait for the hunger strike to end. You wait for sons and daughters to be released from prison—only to be rearrested again, at the next checkpoint while on their way to find a job and start a life.

In Palestine you wait for your paycheck only to have it hijacked by hungry loan payments and red hot gasoline prices.

In Palestine, you wait endlessly in Qalandiya to get home. Keep waiting. This might take hours.

You wait for the summer to end in the hope that winter will bring more peace, and you wait for winter to end in the hope that summer will bring more warmth.

In Palestine you wait for everything and everyone.

In Palestine you wait for the next eruption, the next Intifada, the next incursion, the next war—which always comes.

² Amman, the capital of Jordan, is a city of over 2 million residents.

³ Abu Dis is a city of around 12,000 people just east of Jerusalem and the location of one of Al-Quds University's campuses.

⁴ Al-Quds is a university system with three campuses-one in Jerusalem, one in Abu Dis just outside of Jerusalem, and one in Al-Bireh, adjacent to Ramallah. The system currently serves over 13,000 undergraduates.

⁵ Ramallah is a city of over 30,000 people. It has experienced rapid growth since it was adopted as a de facto administrative capital by the Palestinian Authority following the Oslo Accords. Numerous nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) and diplomatic outreach offices are also based in the city. Ramallah is located about ten miles northeast of Jerusalem, the city many Palestinians consider Palestine's true capital.

⁶ Birzeit University is a renowned public university located just outside Ramallah. It hosts approximately 8,500 undergraduates.

⁷ The First Intifada was an uprising throughout the West Bank and Gaza against Israeli military occupation. It began in December 1987 and lasted until 1993. Intifada in Arabic means "to shake off."

⁸ Israel carried out the mass arrest of Palestinian citizens during the First Intifada. More than 120,000 Palestinians were arrested or spent time in prison from 1987 to the signing of the Oslo Accords in 1993.

⁹ Al-Bireh is a city of over 40,000 people just east of Ramallah.

¹⁰ The Friends School of Ramallah is a Quaker-run institution that was opened in 1889, during the time of Ottoman rule.

¹¹ The first Oslo Accords negotiations took place in Norway, the U.S., and France during the summer of 1993. The Accords outlined a plan for the Israeli military to withdraw from Gaza and the West Bank in stages while further negotiations would be carried out regarding Palestinian statehood, security, borders, and Israeli settlements.

¹² Access to Jerusalem was significantly restricted to Palestinians from the West Bank before the Oslo Accords in 1993. Haifa is a city of 270,000 people in northern Israel. Jaffa, now part of Tel Aviv in Israel, was home to many Arabs before 1948.

¹³ Earlham College is a Quaker-affiliated liberal arts college in Richmond, Indiana. It has an enrollment of 1,210 students and has regularly accepted a large cohort of Palestinian students since the signing of the Oslo Accords.

¹⁴ Though a small portion of the barrier wall in the West Bank was constructed as early as 1994, construction of the wall increased rapidly in 2002.

¹⁵ Qalandiya is a refugee camp and city of nearly 30,000 located between Jerusalem and Ramallah. It's also the name of the nearby checkpoint, one of the biggest in the West Bank.

¹⁶ Bard College is a liberal arts college in Dutchess County, New York, on the Hudson River. It serves just over 2,000 undergraduate students. Bard formed an alliance with Al-Quds University in 2009, with the idea of bringing training in liberal arts education to Palestine.

¹⁷ The Mövenpick Hotel in Ramallah is part of a Swiss chain of international luxury hotels. The hotel in Ramallah was opened in the fall of 2010.

¹⁸ Abu Shusha was a Palestinian village of under 1,000 near the city of Ramla that was destroyed in the war of 1948. Zakariyya was a Palestinian village of just over 1,000 north-west of Hebron that was destroyed in the war of 1948.

[starshine-hockey-girl]

Meet the Parents- Magical Mystery Ride Chapter Twenty Three

Author's Notes: Teddy and Tyler deal with the aftermath if the Benn situation while Tyler makes an observation about Teddy's family dynamic.

Word Count: 8.5K

Warnings- Alcohol use; discussions of anxiety and anxiety attacks, implied sex, adult language

Previous Chapter-https://starshine-hockey-girl.tumblr.com/post/668583962844741632/this-ends-tonight-magical-mystery-ride-chapter

@newlibrary @hockeyunits@fallinallincurls

Meet the Parents- Magical Mystery Ride Chapter

Thursday, November 22nd 2018

Thanksgiving

Teddy nuzzled her nose against Tyler's neck, "Sweet One, I gotta get up. My mom is expecting me this morning to finish prep work for today." 

Tyler shook his head back and forth, "Too early-sleep more." He slid his hand under her oversized hoodie and rubbed her back. They had not gotten to sleep until after three AM after their late night flight from Pittsburgh and it was just after seven AM.

Teddy pushed up off of the bed and sat up, "I can't be late, Sweet One. I am pretty sure that my mom is not happy I skipped yesterday's prep day. If I am late today, the passive-aggressiveness will be out of control."

He pulled her back to him, "Five minutes- I just need five minutes." 

Teddy laughed, "Five minutes to what, Tyler?"

Tyler ran his fingers through her hair, "Just be with you, Teddy. Today is going to be busy and I want to spend time with my girl before the craziness starts."

Teddy glanced at Tyler's bruised hand and brought it to her mouth. Thoughts of him fist fighting Benn clouded her mind. She kissed the bruises and scrapes tenderly before looking back into his eyes. He spoke softly, "Don't get into your head, Pretty One."

Teddy hesitated, "What are you going to tell everyone about your hand?"

Tyler stared at her for a beat, "I will tell them that I hurt it punching a brick wall out of frustration. They'll believe that."

Teddy continued, "I know that you are going to say it's not my fault, but I feel bad that you have to lie to your mother." She put her head down on his chest. "Hey, you need to come downstairs with me. I made breakfast casseroles for your family. We should heat them up before your family wakes up. Are they early risers?"

Tyler shook his head no, "I don't think I will see my sisters this morning. My mom should sleep until later too." He kissed her neck, "I don't suppose I can talk you into a quick one before we go downstairs? I can be very quick since someone kept accidentally grinding their ass into me earlier."

Teddy rolled over and grinned as he crawled between her legs, "Oh no, you're on to my seduction methods, Mr. Seguin. Just be aware that we are going for speed here. You can make me cum later." 

He slipped into her and she gasped out loud. "Oh ye of little faith, I am going to do both." He focused on the actions of his hands and cock while she let her mind and body relax. Tyler knew exactly how she wanted it without her speaking the words. He was a man on a mission and there was no stopping him. 

Fifteen minutes later, they were both showered and casually dressed downstairs in the kitchen. Teddy made coffee while Tyler pulled out the prepared breakfast casseroles from the refrigerator. "Teddy, did you restock my refrigerator with all of my mom and sisters’ favorite stuff? Is that why you were asking me? You didn't have to do that." He placed the casseroles into the oven and walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her as she nodded her head up and down, "Thank you, but you don't have to earn their love Teddy." He kissed her neck, "Pretty One, they're going to fall in love with you just like I did- but without the hot sex part because that would be weird."

Just then, they heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Jackie walking down the stairs. Tyler gave Teddy a squeeze before going to give his mother a giant hug, sweeping her up and spinning her around while they both laughed. He set her down and she glanced at Teddy and smiled, "I wasn't expecting to see you this morning. I'm Jackie. You're Teddy, right? Tyler talks about you all the time." Teddy stepped forward and looked to Tyler for guidance. He gave her a hug gesture and she went in for a hug which was met with initial surprise, then morphed into a genuine hug.

Teddy stepped back and smiled, "I am so happy to meet you finally. Was your flight down good? Was everything ready when you arrived?" 

"Oh yes, dinner was waiting when we arrived," Jackie smiled and turned back to Tyler, "Thank you for the flowers in our rooms. It was a nice touch. They are beautiful." Tyler smiled to conceal his confusion and shrugged his shoulders. 

Teddy looked at her phone, "Oh shit!" She looked at Jackie and Tyler's shocked expressions, "Fuck, I'm sorry. I have to leave or I am going to be late. My mother will be mad." She picked up her purse and keys from the island and began walking outside. Tyler followed her outside and turned her around to face him when they reached her car. Neither of them noticed Jackie watching from the door. He gently caressed her face, "Flowers and dinner, really?" Teddy leaned into his touch, "I couldn't help myself. Once you see my mom today, you'll understand. hosting is our proverbial love language. I will try to stop."

"Don't change, Pretty One. Never change," he kissed her gently, "Try to stay out of your head. The initial meeting went well. My sisters will be easier. We need to be there at two, right?" Teddy gave him a soft and easy smile and nodded. 

"Who do I want, Teddy?" he asked.

"Me and only crazy me," she answered.

"Why do I want you?" he smiled.

"Because you love me. Who is my man?" she repeated their pattern.

"Me," he replied.

"Who do I love?" she smiled.

"Me and only lucky me. Now go before Elizabeth gets mad," he kissed her again. She got in the car, started it and backed out of the gated driveway. He waved as she pulled away. Tyler turned around and saw his mom watching him intently. He ran to her and picked her up, swinging her around, "What did I tell you? She's amazing, right? She did all of it- the food, the dinner, flowers and breakfast. She did it all to impress you. Isn't that great?" 

Jackie gave a quick smile, "She's something. She seems nice though." 

They went inside to find his sisters in the kitchen. "Did we miss her? Dammit, we wanted to meet her." 

Teddy walked into the back door to the Baxter kitchen with seconds to spare. Her mother was not downstairs yet, so Teddy assessed the situation and started the coffee maker. She took out her phone and dialed Tyler, "Hey, I forgot to get the final number from you. Please tell me that it's under 10." 

Tyler mentally counted, "Counting my family, we are at 12. Is that too many? I can tell some of them no."

Teddy gasped, "You will do no such thing, Tyler. We're good. I may have to sit on your lap though."

Tyler laughed, "If you need to, just watch your ass. I am on to your tricks." Teddy heard a moan as she walked past the stairs, "Tyler, hold on" 

She walked quietly up the stairs to investigate. She heard the bed squeak and her mother moan, "Yes... oh God yes…..Robert." 

She turned and ran downstairs, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD" She stopped in the kitchen, "Tyler, my parents are having sex."

"How do you know Teddy?” he looked around at his family and whispered.

"She said 'Yes...Oh god  yes….. Robert'- just like that," she stammered, "The bed was squeaking. They are totally doing it."

Tyler got up and walked away from his family into the hall, "Teddy, never say that again. I beg you." 

Teddy asked, "Why?"

Tyler replied with a groan, "Ever heard the phrase like mother, like daughter? I've heard that sound before. You make that sound right before you- you know. How am I supposed to look them in the face now?"

Teddy started laughing, "It's not funny. I know it's not funny. Oh God- yes, it's funny. I sound like that? Are you sure?”

Tyler walked further away from his family, “Teddy, I heard it this morning- when i was fucking you.“

Teddy questioned, “I sound like that?” and repeated the sound. 

Tyler gritted through his teeth- “Teddy, my mother is down the hall. Quit making the sound. It is having an effect on me. Please, Pretty One, stop.”

Teddy smiled, “Okay. I am stopping now. I am going to start setting the table. Have fun with your family, but text me the names of who is coming. Can't wait to see your face at two. Love you Sweet One."

Tyler laughed, "Love you too Pretty One."

Teddy was placing the final touches of the table setting when her mother walked in the room. "Teddy Bear, you got it done already," she sighed with relief. Teddy looked up and studied her face as Elizabeth tinkered with the glasses and place settings. Her mother examined the table and paused, "Why are there more place settings than chairs?" She asked. 

"We have one more person than chairs," Teddy replied, "I am going to sit on Tyler's lap."

"Don't be ridiculous- just pull in a stool from the kitchen," Elizabeth smiled. Teddy went and grabbed the stool from the kitchen, "We'll put Tyler and me at the end of the table."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and walked into the kitchen. 

Robert walked into the kitchen with a slow stretch, "Good morning Teddy Bear. How long have you been here?" He walked over and pulled her into a hug. 

“I got her at nine as requested. Did y’all sleep in?” Teddy asked as her father released her from his bear hug. Elizabeth and Robert shared a look. "What's left to do, Mama? Anything that still needs to be assembled?" Elizabeth started doing a mental list and frowned before she started pacing and talking silently to herself. 

Robert looked up at Elizabeth, "LizzyB, write it down. Teddy, get some paper and help your mother make a list." Teddy did as told and got the paper and pen out. She watched as her father rubbed her mother’s back and her mother’s face relaxed. After fifteen minutes, the list had been written, prioritized and delegated. There wasn’t all that much to do and between the three of them all of it could be easily finished within an hour or two. Tyler sent over the names of everyone attending and Teddy sat down to carefully pen the place cards. Afterwards, she placed them on the table which completed her assigned tasks for the morning. She walked out into the backyard to get some air when her phone rang with a facetime call from Lex. 

Lex- Hey Bliss

Teddy- Hey back at you. How’s the hand?

Lex- Not too bad. How’s Seggy’s hand?

Teddy- Not too bad the last time I checked. He’s at home with his family now. I met his mom earlier. She doesn’t outwardly hate me at least. 

Lex- Bliss…… 

Teddy- I know, I know- don’t get in my head. Tyler said the same thing.

Lex- Told you he was a smart man. 

Teddy- Yes, he is. He’s my favorite. Want to hear something funny?

Lex- Sure

Teddy- I overhead my parents having sex earlier this morning. 

Lex- Ummm, don’t know how to respond to that, Bliss. Why is that funny?

Teddy- When I repeated what my mom said to Tyler, he was deeply disturbed.  Apparently she and I make the same sex sounds. That’s crazy, right?

Lex- What did she say? How did she say it?

Teddy repeated it. 

Lex- Yeah, that’s not funny- that is disturbing. It is exactly the same. Are you sure that is what she sounded like? 

Teddy- Yes, she said “Yes….. Robert” exactly like that 

Lex- OMG stop saying that. Stop it. 

Teddy- I say that? Like that?

Lex- I mean, it’s been a while since I have heard it, but yes, you sound exactly-like that- usually right before you cum. For the love of God, can we end this conversation?

Teddy- If you insist

Teddy- Okay, I gotta go get changed. The Finns and the Seguins will be here soon. Wish me luck!

Lex- Happy Thanksgiving Bliss. Stay out of your head. They are going to love you. 

Two hours later, Teddy and her mother were pulling the last of the food out of the oven when the doorbell rang. Teddy threw off her apron and sprinted to the door. The ragtag collection of Stars players stood outside. The Finnish Mafia (Heiskenen, Hintz, Lindell, Honka) had come in one vehicle. While Khudobin, Faksa, Gurianov and Nichuskin arrived together in another. Each greeted Teddy with a hug and presented her with flowers or a bottle of wine. Miro was the last to enter and he sheepishly smiled as he handed over a box of candy, “Happy Thanksgiving Teddy,” he added quickly, “I hope candy is okay. I am not old enough to buy wine. There were too many flowers already.” 

Teddy took it from him with a smile, “Chocolate toffee is always appreciated, Miro. Come in and I will introduce you to my parents.” Elizabeth and Robert walked over and created a make-shift receiving line. 

When Roope reached Elizabeth, he gave her a big hug. “Roope! I hope you came hungry. I made extra macaroni and cheese for you.” Elizabeth proceeded down the line, greeting each by name until she met the new faces- Guri and Miro. “I’m Elizabeth, Teddy’s mom. I am so glad that you could join us. There are snacks out in the kitchen. Don’t get too full before the meal.”

In the hustle of the players' arrival, Teddy felt herself relax as she poured drinks and handed out food. She almost didn’t hear Tyler’s soft knock on the front door. Elizabeth called to Teddy to answer the door. She opened the door with a big smile and immediately felt a knot in her stomach. There was an almost imperceptible crack in her smile, but she covered it to the untrained eye. Tyler stepped forward, “Teddy- you met my mother earlier, but this is Candace and Cassidy, my sisters.” Teddy looked at Tyler for guidance but Candance jumped forward for a hug, “OMG, I can’t believe it’s you. I’ve seen all of your videos!” 

Teddy returned her embrace, “You follow me? No way! So nice to meet you.” 

Cassidy moved forward for a hug as well, “I’ve heard so much about you, Teddy. Tyler doesn’t shut up about his Pretty One.” Teddy looked at Tyler and watched his face flush. Jackie gave a quick hug before stepping into the room.

Tyler swept Teddy into his arms, “Pretty One, come here!” He pulled her outside and whispered, “Get out of your head Teddy. It’s going to be fine. Do you need me to say it? I will, if you need me to say it.” Teddy smiled and shook her head no before kissing his cheek. She whispered softly in his ear, "I am so glad you are here." He brought her inside and put her down gently. Tyler made the introductions between his family and Teddy’s parents. 

Cassidy and Candace crowded around Teddy on the couch. They chatted about Teddy’s future videos and other YouTube/Instagram influencers. By the time the meal was served, they had plans for a shopping trip the next day. Tyler watched from across the room with a bemused smile as Teddy's head bounced back and forth between the two blondes. 

He then turned his attention to Elizabeth and Robert in the corner of the room. He focused on Elizabeth's face and noticed her facial expression. It was almost identical to Teddy's expression when her mind was about to wind-up with some sort of irrational thought. He saw Robert lean over and whisper in her ear. She gave him a slight nod of understanding. He then rubbed her back lightly until her smile returned. Tyler’s face lit up with recognition. He knew that interaction. It was the same interaction that he had with Teddy on numerous occasions. He looked around the room and saw everyone preoccupied with their conversations. Then he looked and saw his mother who was studying his face quietly. 

Tyler walked over to her and sat down,  "What?" 

Jackie spoke quietly, "Usually you are the center of the party. Today you are an observer. You watch Teddy a lot, huh?"

Tyler tilted his head, "Yeah, I watch her a lot. She is fascinating to me. Every day she does something that completely surprises me." Tyler turned back to watch Teddy, "I am crazy about her. Just wait until you know her better, you're going to fall in love with her too."

Jackie turned to watch Teddy with her girls in an active, animated conversation like they had known each other for years instead of minutes. She was in her thoughts when Elizabeth asked everyone to move into the dining room. 

Tyler went to Teddy's side as they walked into the room. He whispered into her ear, "Remember no ass wiggling at the table, Pretty One. Try and control yourself." 

She turned to face him and laughed loud enough to garner everyone's attention. She playfully pouted, "You're no fun, Sweet One. No fun at all."

"Oh, I'll show you fun later, " he countered- completely oblivious to the audience.

"Promise?" She teased before her mother called her name sharply.

Tyler gave a sheepish grin and mouthed, "Sorry". Teddy found her spot next to Tyler at the end of the table. "Wait, we have our own seats? Disappointing- I was promised lap sitting," he continued to tease.

Candace called from her seat, "Are you two always this obnoxious?" 

"Yes," Roope answered quickly, "but we are used to it." Tyler shot the young Finn a look while he squeezed Teddy's hand under the table. Robert watched Teddy’s face intently. She took a deep breath and squeezed Tyler’s hand back. She smiled and took a sip of wine, "Don't be jealous, Hine".

Robert cleared his throat, "Before we start eating our meal, Elizabeth and I would like to thank each of you for joining us to celebrate the holiday. Some of you were here last year, but those of you who weren't, we like to share one thing that makes us feel thankful. I will start- I feel thankful for my beautiful wife who fills my life with joy."

He looked to Dobby who was seated to his left. The jovial goalie joked, "I glad to be playing with Seggy so he doesn't score on me again." 

They continued around the table. Cassidy teased, "I am thankful that Tyler’s taste in women has improved. Total upgrade!" 

Teddy laughed, "No comment" while Tyler blushed. 

Elizabeth spoke softly, "Mine is the same as last year-I am thankful to have a full house to celebrate."

Tyler paused before his turn to look at Teddy, "I am thankful for two things- first, I am thankful for Johnsy, Big Rig and Katie for tricking us into that room and getting to the bottom of the saga of the missing note. Second, I am thankful for my Pretty One who makes me a better man." 

Teddy looked up and willed herself not to cry. She looked around the table and then at Tyler. She spoke softly, "I am thankful to be in love with my best friend." There was a collective “Awww '' from Candace and Cassidy. 

Teddy glanced at Jackie who gave her a smile. Tyler leaned over and whispered, “Damn, I knew I should have gone last. You topped my answer, Pretty One.”

After dinner, Teddy and Tyler volunteered to clear the table. They were grateful for the time alone in the kitchen, away from prying eyes. Teddy called out to the Alexa unit to play some music and they stood side by side- washing and drying dishes. Every few minutes, Tyler called for a dance break and he spun her around the kitchen while she laughed. 

Jackie mentioned to Elizabeth how much she liked the Baxter home decor. Elizabeth invited her on a tour of the house. Jackie asked as they explored the large home, “So Robert does well in real estate. He sells a lot of houses?” Elizabeth explained that Robert actually owns and operates one of the largest real estate development and construction companies in Dallas. “Oh,” Jackie said softly, "so he makes the big money."

As they walked down the upstairs hall, Jackie opened the door to Frankie's room. "Oh, is this Teddy's old bedroom?" She looked around the room and noticed the bright yellow and green decor. She walked in and looked at the pictures. 

Elizabeth grimaced and followed her, "No, this is my daughter, Francesca's room or at least it was. She died almost seven years ago."

Jackie stiffened, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I am so unbelievably sorry." She made a mental note to scold Tyler later.

Elizabeth sighed, "It's okay. It's not an easy subject to bring up in conversation. Don’t be mad at Tyler." 

Jackie turned to face Elizabeth, "So you had two girls like me-different age differences though. Tell me about Frankie. Was she like Teddy?"

Elizabeth laughed, "Oh no, Frankie was the outgoing one. Teddy is the quiet one. At least she was until she became friends with Jamie and Tyler, especially Tyler. He really brings out the best in her. You have raised a solid young man. Good work!"

Jackie smiled to herself as Elizabeth continued, "This is Frankie and Teddy at Frankie's senior homecoming game. Frankie was crowned homecoming queen." The conversation began to flow freely and they sat on the bed to chat.

Downstairs, Teddy and Tyler had finished placing the leftovers in the neatly labeled containers. "Your mom is going to send all of this food home with the guys? They will be able to eat for a week with all of this food. Why does she go through so much effort, Teddy?" Tyler asked out of curiosity, "Why are you so kind and thoughtful to everyone?" 

Teddy blinked, "Because that's how I was raised is the easy answer. The more complex answer is that I partly do it to earn love and affection because I do not believe that I am worthy of it on my own accord." Tyler stepped to her when she continued, "I also enjoy it. It brings me joy to see people's reactions and the whole process of finding the perfect gift is thrilling. There is so much darkness in the world. Bringing a little bit of love isn't so bad, right?"

Tyler stopped her with a kiss, "It was more of a rhetorical question, Pretty One, but damn if you do know yourself. You think that your mom does it for the same reason?"

"Oh no, I'm the lone 'crazy' one in the family one, " Teddy laughed. Tyler raised an eyebrow. "You know what I mean. I am the only one with anxiety in the family."

"I'm not so sure about that Teddy. I am not sure about that at all," Tyler joked. Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Jackie cackling upstairs. "That would be my mom," he blushed. 

Teddy and Tyler walked upstairs. They found their mothers still in Frankie's room. Elizabeth had come downstairs and snagged a bottle of wine and glasses from the wet bar. The mothers were two glasses of wine in each and giggling over Jackie's tale of Tyler’s photoshopped poster incident in Boston. "Well, I guess we know our mothers get along," Tyler joked before looking around the room. "So this is her room?" he asked. Teddy nodded yes. He went to the bulletin board covered in pictures. "Is that you, Teddy?" He pointed to the picture of Teddy dressed up as Ariel for Halloween. 

Teddy blushed, "Yeah, it was an unfortunate choice."

"I think that you were adorable," he laughed. 

Teddy laughed, "Sure, grown ass Tyler thinks I was adorable because he loves me. Fifteen year old Tyler does not. He would never ask that girl out. " She pointed to the picture for emphasis.

"Well, fifteen year old Tyler was an idiot. Jury is still out on me," he whispered in her ear.

 He took her hand and allowed Teddy to lead him around the room. She explained each picture and memento. "She was amazing, Teddy. You must miss her all the time, " Tyler said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed his chin on her shoulder. Teddy leaned back onto his chest and leaned her cheek into his. Elizabeth stopped talking and nudged Jackie to look. 

Teddy and Tyler were oblivious to their new found audience. "I miss her every day, Sweet One. She was the very best friend I had before Lex and you. She would have kicked my ass last year though,” Teddy confessed. 

“Why would she have kicked your ass?” Tyler questioned. 

“She would have kicked my ass and made me admit that I pushed you away that first day because I was too scared to admit how much I wanted you."

“Why were you scared to admit that, Teddy?” he prodded. 

“Because I didn’t think that there was any way that you would want me too,” she sighed. "I had to wear you down with my sparkling wit and annoying personality, but I made you want me," she joked.

“Maybe I was scared too, Teddy,” he said quietly and Teddy turned to him. 

“Scared of what?” Teddy asked. 

“Scared of you not wanting me. You’re out of my league honestly,” he whispered.

“Well, that’s not true at all. We were just playing in different leagues then,” she replied calmly. “Frankie would have been Team Tyler all the way though,” Teddy admitted. 

"Oh really? You really think she would like me?" he asked softly.

Elizabeth spoke up, "She would adore you because of the way you treat Teddy. Tyler, quit doubting yourself. You're a good man." 

Tyler and Teddy both turned around in surprise. "Oh, I forgot we weren't alone," he blushed. 

Teddy smiled, "Listen to my mom, Sweet One. She is wise. You are my favorite man ever." 

Tyler squeezed her, "How many times do I have to remind you- penis person. I am your favorite penis person. Get it right, Pretty One." He then turned to Elizabeth, "The kitchen is clean and organized. Leftovers have been boxed for the boys. Your daughter is quite the taskmaster." 

Teddy laughed, "Let's go check on your sisters. I am sure they are bored by now. You two- try to keep the cackling down. Need more wine?"

Jackie reached down and pulled up two more bottles of wine,  "We're all set, but we need snacks. Tyler, bring us snacks."  

He rolled his eyes, "As you wish."

"That's why you're my favorite child," she called as they left the room.

They checked in the media room where Robert was explaining the finer points of football to Candace. The guys were watching silently. Cassidy was sitting suspiciously close to Miro. Teddy directed Tyler to the kitchen before he noticed. 

"You grab drinks and I will take snacks up to the moms. Meet you outside in the gazebo," he instructed. 

When he made it to the gazebo, Teddy had made a makeshift picnic with a beer for Tyler, cocktail for her and a plate of chips and cookies. She connected her phone to the Bluetooth sound system and the Tyler playlist played. Teddy held the blanket up to allow him to slide beside her. She leaned back against his chest and he wrapped an arm around her waist. "All of your worry for nothing, Pretty One," Tyler joked. He kissed her shoulder softly. 

"Don't mock me, Sweet One," Teddy sighed, "The day isn't over yet. Also, I also know that you were secretly worried as well so don’t take a victory lap yet. Let's enjoy being together." Tyler took a swig of his beer while Teddy sipped her cocktail. "Hey Sweet One, do you think it's weird that I have only had two boyfriends?" 

Tyler nearly spit out his beer and laughed involuntarily, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. Sometimes your mind zigs when I am expecting a zag.” He looked her in the eye with a serious expression, ‘Back to your question, you have to stop worrying about what I think about your number and who they were. I have a pretty good idea about your past. None of it is weird, but you are making it weird when you keep mentioning it. Can we finally end the conversation about your past?  At least until the day you are ready to tell me about Chaz? Please?" 

Teddy sniffed and looked away, "Sorry, Sweet One. I won't bring it up again."

Tyler poked her, "Hey, look at me, Pretty One. Don't get in your head. I am not calling you weird. I am just tired of having the same conversation. I only care about our present and our future." 

Teddy looked back, "Okay. Your turn to ask a random question."

Tyler thought for a moment, "If you had to pick one- would you pick the top half of my body or the lower half?"

Teddy giggled, "What?"

Tyler repeated the question.

Teddy answered emphatically, "Top half- no doubt."

Tyler scoffed, "What? You give up my dick that easily? I am offended."

Teddy turned and climbed on his lap, straddling his legs and kissed him, "but I wuvs this face too much. It is so handsome." She continued to kiss him softly, "plus this mouth is a pretty good alternative to the dick." He laughed as she reached for his hands, "and the magic hands….. oh my. You're right though. I would miss the dick, but the choice is easy." 

"We should probably head in and check on the moms and at least try to appear sociable,” Tyler stated. 

“Go get us seats on the couch and I will check on the moms,” Teddy replied. They both entered the house and went their separate ways. Elizabeth and Jackie had come downstairs for more snacks and wine and were sitting in the dining room looking at photo albums. Teddy snagged another beer for Tyler and a drink for herself. Tyler squeezed over to his left to make room for Teddy on the couch. She shook her head and planted herself on his lap instead. He whispered in her ear, “No ass wiggling. Your dad is RIGHT THERE.”

"Boo, you are no fun." she laughed.

At half time, the Finns went into the kitchen to grab snacks and drinks. Robert overheard Miro ask Dobby if he had ever seen Tyler in a fight before last night. Robert’s head popped up, “Tyler was in a fight last night? When? I didn’t see anything during the game.” The players looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Dobby finally said, “You should ask him.” Robert called from the kitchen, “Tyler, can you come in here?” The tone of his voice got the attention of Elizabeth who motioned to Jackie come with her into the kitchen. 

Tyler and Teddy looked at each and Tyler whispered, “Am I in trouble? That didn’t sound like a good tone.”

Teddy shrugged her shoulders and followed him into the kitchen which was now full. Robert pointed to Miro and Dobby and asked, “Tyler- they say that you got into a fight last night. I didn’t see anything during the game. Is that what happened to your hand?” Tyler looked at Teddy and then around the room. Robert stared at Tyler as he waited on the answer. 

“Yes, Sir. I got into a fight last night. I didn’t want it to happen, but I didn’t have a choice. If you knew the circumstances, you would agree,” Tyler stated flatly. 

Jackie gasped, “Tyler Paul Seguin- you got into a fight?  Why? Who did you fight?”

Tyler replied, “Chubbs- I fought Chubbs."

Jackie’s eyes widened in surprise, “But he is one of your best friends. Why would you fight him?” 

Teddy exclaimed, “Because of me. It was because of me.” She turned to run out of the room before Tyler grabbed her hand to pull her back. 

Tyler wrapped his arms around Teddy and pulled her into it, “Pretty One, it wasn’t your fault. Stop it.”

Tyler explained Benn’s actions beginning with the first altercation in March. Robert cringed when Tyler explained the comments from October, including the gold digger one. When Tyler repeated the “sloppy seconds” and the comments from the day before, Robert’s fists balled up. Tyler spoke firmly, “I spoke to him multiple times to get him to stop. He continued to speak disrespectfully about her and I asked the other A’s to get involved. You probably did see the fight between Big Rig and him. That should have ended it then for once and for all,  but then he called her another name in the locker room. I knew that I had to handle it physically, so I fought him. After the fight, the team had a meeting without me.” Tyler nodded to the players, “They can tell you what went on during the meeting. So yes, Sir, I did fight Benn last night. I tried to avoid it for as long as I could, but he kept pushing it.” Robert and Tyler looked at each other, “I am not going to tolerate anyone taking shots at Teddy. I will defend her every time. I won’t allow it on social media and I certainly will not allow it from anyone claiming to be my friend. I will not let anyone mistreat her-ever.`` 

Tyler could feel Teddy trembling beneath his grasp. He squeezed her tight and whispered, “Don’t cry Teddy. It’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay.” The others left the room in an awkward silence, filing back into the family room to watch the game. Robert stayed back. Tyler looked at him as he held Teddy in his arms. Jackie and Elizabeth also stayed. 

Robert asked, “Teddy, I need to speak to Tyler- ALONE.”

Teddy looked at her father, “No.”

Robert blinked, “Teddy, this is man to man stuff.”

Teddy stared back, “Man to man stuff about me. I deserve to hear it. I am not a fragile flower that can’t stomach man to man talk.”

Robert straightened his back and looked at Tyler, “The only thing I have to say is thank you. Thank you for defending Teddy’s honor and reputation. She did nothing to warrant that treatment, but I am thankful that she has found a partner who does what it takes to ensure her safety. You’re a good man. Teddy is lucky to have you. By the way, call me Robert” He held out his hand to Tyler and Tyler shook it firmly. Robert nodded to Tyler and Teddy and went back into the family room. 

Tyler wrapped his arms around Teddy, “Are you okay, Pretty One? I know this isn’t the conversation you wanted to have today. What can I do to make it better?” They swayed back and forth slowly and Tyler rubbed her back. Teddy sighed and relaxed into his chest. 

“Well, if we are already having unwanted conversations, tell me why you think I am not the only one in my family that has anxiety,” she looked into his eyes. 

He took a step back and gulped, “because I observed it today, Teddy. I had the “like mother, like daughter” thing on my mind after this morning. So I watched her today to see how you are like her. Your mom got the exact same expression on her face that you do when you are spiraling out with an irrational thought. It’s the same face, the same mannerisms. Then your dad goes over and talks to her like I talk to you and she relaxed. It was uncanny how much it was alike. You mean you’ve never noticed it before?”

Teddy stared at Tyler and felt a knot grow in the pit of her stomach. She thought about the day. She remembered her mother’s behavior in the kitchen and how her father stepped in. The interaction was so completely normal to her. How many times could Teddy remember her father stepping in similar moments during her childhood and young adult life. Her eyes flashed towards her parents in the other room and back at Tyler. 

“Teddy, what’s going on?” Tyler said softly.

“You’re right. I am not the only one,” she gasped as she brought her hand to her mouth. Then she stormed outside and screamed, “Goddamn it…. Goddamn it” Tyler raced outside to her as she paced back and forth. 

“Teddy,” he tried to get her attention, “Teddy- talk to me.”

“They KNEW. They KNEW how to handle the anxiety. They have a whole system down, but they don’t talk about it. They worked together to manage HER anxiety, but did nothing for MINE, Tyler. I was a kid. I was scared and confused. I didn’t have the vocabulary to tell them, but they could see the signs. You saw it in what, less than an hour? Nobody helped me. Nobody helped me until you and Lex. I was all alone and no one helped me.” She collapsed to the ground and sobbed, “They didn’t help me, Tyler. They made me feel crazy and weird- like there was something wrong with me.” 

He sat on the ground and scooped her into his arms, “I am sorry, Teddy. I am so sorry. They should have helped you. You are not crazy and weird. There is nothing wrong with you. You have anxiety. It doesn’t make you crazy or weird. Fuck Teddy, I am so sorry.”

She whimpered, “I have been alone for so long. I am so tired of being alone.

Tyler soothed, “I’m here, Teddy. You are not alone. Look at me, you are not alone any more. You have me and you have Lex. You will never be alone again. Say it, Teddy.” 

Teddy shakily said, “I am not alone.” 

Tyler enveloped her in his arms and held her, “Teddy, what do you need? What do you need from me right now?”

Teddy sat up, “I need to talk about it with my therapist. I need help with these feelings. Until then, I need to leave here. I can’t be here anymore. Can you take me home?”

Tyler nodded, “Let me go get my family. Do you want to stay here? Do you think you can go inside?” 

Teddy shook her head no, “I will stay outside. I don’t want to see them.”

Tyler went inside and spoke softly to his mom and sisters. They stood up and started to gather their coats. Elizabeth watched with a question in her eyes. She folded her arms and went outside to Teddy. Teddy refused to make eye contact and wiped her eyes. Elizabeth chided, “Theodora, I don’t know what’s going on, but please don’t make a scene.” 

Teddy’s head whipped up as Tyler’s family emerged with her father trailing behind them. “Don’t make a scene?” Teddy scoffed and yelled, “Maybe if instead of worrying so much about how my anxiety embarrassed you, you taught me how to manage it- I wouldn’t have scenes. I had to figure it all out on my own, Mama. I didn’t have Daddio to help me like you did. I didn’t have anyone to help me until now. So I am going to have Tyler take me home so he can help me. Something you’ve never done. Good night- your problem child is leaving now.”

The ride to Tyler's house was short but silent. The only sound was the sound of Teddy’s sniffles. The group walked into the house. Gerry nearly knocked Teddy over as she walked into the house. "Hey Gerry," she spoke softly, "Stay down here with Cassidy and Candace. I am going to go upstairs for a while. I can’t give you cuddles right now though. I’ll be back later, okay?" 

She stood up and watched as they spoke to each in hushed tones. They were talking about her, she knew it in her bones. Her mind raced with thoughts-'Why in the fuck did she make a scene?' She looked at Tyler who gave her a half-hearted smile. Panic started in her gut and radiated out through her body ending in her fingers and toes. Her mind filled with the irrational and hateful thoughts- I made a scene in front of Tyler’s family. I made a scene in front of the Finns. I put my crazy out in front of everyone. I can't do anything right. They all hate me. Worse, they feel sorry for me. Poor Teddy, she can't help that she is crazy. Tyler is regretting falling in love with me. Lex would be disappointed. I fucked up. I fucked it all up.

Tyler watched as she paced back and forth. Her mouth moved as she silently talked to herself. She looked up and yelped. She turned around and ran up the stairs. 

Tyler grabbed his phone and called Big Rig. Lex picked up on the second ring, "What's wrong?" He knew that if Seguin was calling and not texting, there was an emergency. Most likely a Teddy emergency. Tyler described the situation. "She's not talking at all? Pacing?" Lex asked quietly, "I don't know. She never got this bad with me. Try calling her dad. I will text the number." Tyler climbed the stairs and called for her, “Teddy, it’s me. I am coming in to talk to you.”

She called from the bedroom, "Go away Tyler. You can't fix me. You can't fix my crazy. No one can." He opened the bedroom and stepped inside. She was frantically pacing back and forth. She sat on the bed for a second and popped back up. Her hands shook and wrung them together. "Please Tyler," she pleaded, "Please go downstairs. I am not in control. I am spiraling. I am spiraling and you can't fix it. Please Tyler, please. I don't want you to see me like this. Please Sweet One." She paced and ran her fingers through her hair. She took her shirt and pulled it over her face, “Please Tyler, please don’t look at me. I can’t take it.” 

Tyler dialed Robert. He answered on the first ring, "Tyler?" 

Tyler realized that Robert was guessing at his identity. He spoke quickly, "It's me. Teddy says that she is spiraling. She wants me to go away. I don't think that's a good idea. What should I do?"

"Put me on speaker," he instructed. Tyler looked at Teddy and walked towards her. Robert spoke calmly, "Teddy Bear, it's Daddio. You are having an anxiety attack. You've got to quiet your voices, okay? They are lying to you. Now look at Tyler. Look at him. Do not take your eyes off of him," Teddy sat on the bed and  looked into Tyler's warm brown eyes and sighed. He sat next to her on the bed. She put her hand to his cheek to ground herself. "Now take a deep breath. Tyler will do it with you. Breathe in, breathe out.” Robert listened as they breathed together. He then continued, “Your mother misspoke to you. You didn't make a scene. You expressed very real and valid emotions. Your mother is wrong. I love her, but she is wrong. No one is mad at you. No one hates you. That is your anxiety lying to you. You are strong, Teddy Bear. You are so unbelievably strong my baby." Tyler and Teddy continued to take slow deep breaths together. 

"Teddy, can you hear me? You're going to crash soon. The adrenaline level is going to lower and you will crash. Let Tyler take care of you. It will be better in the morning. I promise. We'll talk. Promise me that you'll let Tyler take care of you. I love you, my baby girl. Always have-always will."

Teddy whispered, "Bye Daddio- I’m sorry."

Robert replied, “Teddy- don’t apologize to me. I owe you a big apology. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Teddy crawled onto the bed and Tyler climbed up behind her. "Tyler, I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I can't say it enough. I am so embarrassed," she implored. "I am going to go into a shame spiral now. It’s hard for me to explain it in words, but I want to isolate myself and hide in shame. I am not going to do that tonight. Instead, I am going to wash my face and go downstairs and spend time with your family," she stated. "If I am not down in ten minutes, come find me. I am not trying to be bossy, Tyler. Fuck, nothing I say will be right. Did I tell you to go away? Shit,” Teddy rambled. 

Tyler hushed her with a kiss, “Stop. Stop apologizing. Who do I want?”

Teddy whispered, “Me.”

Tyler continued, “Why do I want you?”

Teddy whispered again, “Because you love me- me and only me. Who is my man?”

"Me," he replied.

"Who do I love?" She smiled.

"Me and only me,” he kissed her again, “Do you want to watch a movie? Princess Bride? Something Christmas?”

“Princess Bride would be perfect,” she answered, “I will be down soon.”

He gave her a tight hug and left the room. Teddy walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She waited for the water to warm up and examined her face. She removed her make-up and put her hair in a messy bun. After her shower, she put on some leggings and her favorite Tyler hoodie. She paired it with some fuzzy socks and slipped downstairs. Teddy glanced at Tyler and his sisters watching the movie in the dim light. She found Jackie in the kitchen making a big batch of popcorn. 

“Hi,” Teddy said softly to get her attention, “Is there something I can help you do, Jackie? Do they need drinks?” 

Jackie turned to Teddy, “Oh Teddy, you came down. I am so glad.” 

Teddy, “Yeah, the crisis is over. Sorry about that.”

Jackie stepped toward Teddy, “Can I say something? I am not sure of the protocol of the situation.”

Teddy braced herself, “Sure, what do you need to say?”

Jackie put her hand on Teddy’s hands that were resting on the kitchen island, “I don’t know what your parents did that hurt you as badly as it did. I see your pain and I am not discounting it. I know that I don’t know your mom as well as you, but I do know that she loves you deeply. You can hear her pride in you when she talks about you. You are not a problem child, Teddy. Please don’t think so.”

Teddy glanced up at her, “Thank you. I know I overreacted. I do that a lot.”

Jackie patted her hand, “You have big feelings. There’s nothing wrong with that. You love big and you love freely. I am grateful that you love my baby with a big love. I can’t ask for anything more for him.” 

Teddy blinked back tears, “Thank you, Jackie. Thank you so much.”

Jackie pulled Teddy into a hug, “If you need a mom while you navigate this, I am here.”

Tyler watched from the couch and smiled to himself. Jackie and Teddy walked in and delivered the snacks. Teddy crawled next to Tyler and kissed his cheek. He wrapped his arm around her waist, “Hey Pretty One, I missed you. We are just getting to the good part- the cliffs of Insanity.” Teddy wrapped her body onto his, forgetting any sense of decorum as she slid her leg over his and let it rest between his legs. Tyler took the blanket from  the back of the couch and draped it over them. Teddy slid her hand under his shirt and rubbed his stomach softly. He hummed softly as his hand slid under her ass, “Is this heaven? I think this may be heaven. All of my girls in one room? Stick a fork in me-I’m done.”

Teddy giggled and she turned to Candace, “Is it going to break your heart if we get a later start on shopping tomorrow morning? I can get in to see my therapist first thing in the morning. I will be done by ten o’clock.” 

Candace laughed, “I wasn’t planning on leaving before then anyway. It’s all good.”

Teddy dialed her father’s number and held the phone to her ear. She whispered, “Hey Daddio, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know that I am okay.” She listened, “Yes, he is taking care of me. We are watching Princess Bride now. Listen, can you Mama and you come tomorrow morning to Dr. Hall? Please?” She looked up at Tyler who raised his eyebrows, “Great Daddio. I will text you the address. Love you.” 

Tyler whispered, “You were busy upstairs.” 

Teddy’s phone dinged with a text notification from Lex. 

Teddy put away her phone again and snuggled Tyler again. “Hey Sweet One” 

Tyler shushed her, “This is my favorite part- the rodents of unusual size”

Teddy poked him in the ribs, “Seriously, look at me.”

Tyler looked at her and smiled, “Yes?”

Teddy kissed him and put her head back on his chest, “Nothing- just confirmation that the top half is still the best choice.”

Tyler whispered, “Keep talking like that and my dick is going to start taking it personal.”

Teddy whispered, “Oh I am sorry, Mr. Dick. I’ll make it up to you later, okay?”

After the movie ended, Tyler and Teddy took the empty cups and bowls into the kitchen. Tyler wrapped himself around Teddy and nuzzled her neck, “Now can I tell you that you worried for nothing? I told you that today was going to go great.”

“You think?,” she whispered, “Even with everything that happened?”

Tyler turned her around and looked into her eyes, “Teddy- The meal was fantastic, the Finns left happy and fed for the week, my family had a blast- they told me, our moms bonded over wine and I got to spend the best American Thanksgiving with my girl. I vote to do it again next year.” 

Teddy wrapped her arms around his neck, “Next year, huh? I’d like that. I would like that a lot.” Tyler wrapped his arms around her waist and began to sway.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened Spotify, “Let’s dance, Pretty One. I want to dance with my girl.” 

The opening bars of All of Me started and Teddy smiled, “I love this song.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/3U4isOIWM3VvDubwSI3y7a?si=68ced35e5d2a409d

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawin' me in and you kickin' me out

You've got my head spinnin', no kiddin'

I can't pin you down

What's goin' on in that beautiful mind?

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me

But I'll be alright

My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginnin'

Even when I lose, I'm winnin

[benhardypout-archive]

016. fever

a/n:  another chapter from my Wonty “comfort fics “Dirty Little Secret”. As I mentioned from the previous chapter I posted few days ago, I’m just going to post some chapters which I enjoyed writing. So the number is the chapter of this fic, and this is the chapter 16, hence, 016. Enjoy reading! 🙈

Monty didn't sit next to me on our third. But if I'd be honest, I'm still salty about yesterday. I know I'm not in the place to do so…

Maybe I'm just hoping that somehow he cared about me since that's what he's starting to make me feel, and not let me hope for nothing.

Just because he apologized, and agreed to meet you in your place tomorrow, you thought he cared.

Ugh! whatever.

So when I caught him staring as I ate with Charlie that lunch, maybe I had been extra chatty towards the latter.

Yes, he joined me at lunch again, and with Alex this time. Unfortunately, Charlie just made himself look awkward. He obviously didn't know how to make a conversation with Alex, so he talked to me instead, which became favorable for me. Apparently, Alex got the wrong idea and thought that Charlie was hitting on me.

Oh, if only he knew.

I exchanged numbers with him since he asked for it, only to  bombard me with questions about Alex. I told him that I'm not some slam book or Alex's diary who's carrying all the information he wanted to know about him, so he should be the one making a move towards the guy himself. But he pleaded, for me to help him out at least, and enlighten him some basic things about my friend- he's been using the word to persuade me- like his favourite food, movie, color, hobbies and such, which I realized I didn't really have ample knowledge about. Though, I still promised to help him in any way I can, as a kindred spirit I am. Then I just learned that my friend and Zach wasn't like a real thing yet, but they have a thing. Well, relationships could be complicated.

And that's it, that's all I know about my 'so-called friend'.

So, I deemed it safe for Charlie to take his chances and make a move on Alex. Even giving him words of encouragement to do so. Go, Charlie!

By afternoon after class, since the Football practice had been cancelled due to Coach Kerba's absence, I spent it at Monet's, attempting to do some homework. I didn't ask Estella to come. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a while.

"Is this seat taken?"

I froze knowing the voice so well.

What's he doing here?

Looking up, I had to blink a few and asked myself if I'm dreaming. Then I glanced around before I nodded and let him sit with me, taking the seat in front of me.

We were quiet at first, me flipping through my notes. Pretending rather, as I found it hard to concentrate anymore with him around.

I cleared my throat and asked where Estella was. I wanted to reason that he couldn't come here all by himself, so he should be at least with his sister, but decided against it. He said she's having a night out with some friends.

I just hoped it's true and she's not with that guy, Gavin, somewhere. Perhaps, I'm starting to be protective of her too, and I caught myself sending a quick text to her asking where she was.

She replied: With Gavin.

I knew it.

I told her to be careful and to call me if she needed some help or just anything.

I turned back to Monty and asked him in a hushed tone, "What are you doing here?"

He let out a smirk and said, "What do you think?"

I looked  around, even though it's obvious that students from Liberty were everywhere in this little coffee shop. "I think we're not supposed to be here together."

He moved towards, resting his elbows on the table, his face quite dangerously close to mine and whispered, "We're working on a project." He held my gaze and gave a ghostly smirk, before leaning back to his chair. We were silent for a second as he lightly tapped his fingers on the table. Clearing his throat, he said, "By the way, I… apologized to Tyler."

Blinking, I looked at him in disbelief. Smile then stretched out my lips. I wanted to ask why, though I didn't want to sound like I doubt his sincerity. I wanted to believe he's wanting to change.

Then I caught Ani with Jessica from afar glancing our way.

I casually moved my gaze back to Monty. And focused down my homework. "People are looking," I whispered.

"Let them look," he said.

He, mayhap, asked me about Charlie's deal with me as he began pulling his own homework, suggesting for us to work together.

I said nothing. And changed the topic to where we are now… in my house.

We only had the place to ourselves. Our maid was out shopping for groceries, so it may take a while before she could come back.

We're settled in the living, flopped down on the couch.…watching some movies on Netflix. A bowl of popcorn between us. We both pretended to pay attention to the movie, when my hand, as I blindly grabbed a handful of popcorn, accidentally collided with Monty's, whose hands were already dipped in the bowl.

I stopped and turned to him. His gaze on me.

"Sorry," I pulled my hand away.

He sighed, taking his empty hands off the bowl, and shifted closer to me, enough to make my heart skip.

I just focused my eyes back on the show. It's a movie from the 80's, entertaining enough. Although, I know I would appreciate it more, but not with Monty around who had completely stolen my interest.

"Seriously, what's your deal with Charlie?" I heard him say.

I sat back, suppressing a smile. I couldn't believe he's not done with that talk yet. So he really wanted to know.

I turned to him, making sure I looked innocent. "I told you. None."

"Then why does he keep clinging to you?"

Clinging?

I looked away and decided to chew on some popcorn since I couldn't hold my smile anymore. Thanks, popcorn.

"Maybe he's just trying to be friendly," I reasoned after swallowing the popcorn down. Then I shifted, turning my body his way. "I think I should be the one asking you why your friend keeps on hanging around us."

He moved his eyes to me from the TV and I swear, I could stare at him all day, and wouldn't be tired. I began counting the freckles that scattered around his face.

"We're not really that kind of friends," he said. Then he snatched the bowl of popcorn from my hands to his lap.

I frowned. "Hey--"

"Trying to be friendly, eh?" he scoffed and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth and added, "Why don't I believe you?"

I grimaced. Couldn't believe he would show me his unethical side.

"Didn't your parents teach you not to speak when your mouth's full?"

It's too late when I realized what I said. I know his deal with his parents. Fuck you, Winston.

But then he smiled, and playfully threw a popcorn to my forehead.

Frowning, I touched where the popcorn hits. Okay, I think I deserved that.

"Why don't I believe you?" he said, but he's still smiling. It took me a second to realize that he just repeated what he said; maybe he thought I didn't understand him after speaking with his mouth full.

I decided to play dumb. "What do you mean?"

He just ignored me and continued on his rambling.

"Really, why?" This time he looked serious and held my gaze. "He isn't like…" he trailed off and moved his eyes to the side, looking away, "... trying to hit on you, right?" With reluctance, he moved his eyes back to me.

Hiding a smile, I turned to face the TV. "And… what if he does?... I mean, Charlie can be cute."

He scoffed, a loud one at that. I felt him shift, but I kept still, trying to make sense of the movie and failing.

"So you like him."

My skin jumped, feeling his breath close to my neck, his voice soft but clear against my ear.

I glimpsed at him, he's a little close with me, but still keeping a safe space between us. However, for me, it's dangerous.

I swallowed. "...I don't."

He scoffed again. "Oh yeah? Is that why you find him cute?"

"Just because I find him cute doesn't mean I like him. Give me back the popcorn."

"No, you get it yourself."

"Tell me why does it seem a big deal to you?" I turned to him, forgetting for a second how close he was, and now we're practically face to face. I held my breath, and froze in my place.

None of us moved. Our eyes silently travelled down to our face with our hitched breaths and racing hearts.

Damn. I wanted to kiss him. So. Fucking. Bad.

But I'm surprised how I'm still able to control myself; maybe it's the fear he'd punch me again.

Though, my mouth started to feel dry.

"Kiss me," he whispered against my lips, causing my heart to beat even faster as if it's possible.

My throat moved as I looked down his lips.

Slowly, I inched towards him, closing my eyes, until his dry trembling ones brushed against mine. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who's trembling. I didn't make a move and just teased our lips together, but that simple contact already caused us to inhale sharply. So we had to break off, when I felt him grab the back of my neck and pulled me back, crashing his chapped lips on mine.

He took in a deep breath, and stayed just like that, unsure what to do next. So I decided to take the lead.

Sliding my hands between us, I reached for his chin, opening our mouths, so I could have more access.

His breath hitched, making me smile, as I grazed my tongue, licking the dryness of his lips before I slid it in and explored his mouth. He inhaled once more and quivered against me. His hands were tight on my sides but I loved how he's holding me.

"Relax," I whispered as I continued drowning him with my fiery kisses. He softened and I gave him time to adjust until he's able to catch up with my kisses.

I inhaled, feeling his tongue poking against mine. Soon we're kissing like mad. Our breaths sharp with every stroke of our hungry lips. His hands grabbing my hair and my arms tight around his neck. Our bodies glued together, feeling the heat. We kissed as if our lives depended on it.

I moved my hips wanting to feel him and we tensed feeling how hard we were. He pressed his body more to mine as if it was possible, and felt him move, his hardness rubbing against my thigh, causing me to draw a breathless moan and suck on his lower lip. Our kisses became harder. Hungrier. Intense. And I'd never kissed anyone like this before.

I never knew he could be this passionate and I'm all here for it.

We only stopped to catch our breaths, but he soon collided his lips back to mine, and his kisses became slower but just as ardently.

I could feel myself wanting more, feeling him getting harder as he continued riding my thigh. I didn't notice that he already got me pinned under him, with my back on the couch.

The movie still played in the background as we continued kissing and grinding each other desperately.

"I want you…" he said, breathlessly, between feverish kisses; making me melt but even harder. Is that possible?

"Come on," I pushed him gently, and stood up. And impatiently led him to my bed room.

It only hit me that we were making out boldly in the living room. I'm just relieved our maid hasn't come back yet, or I didn't know what I'd do if she caught us screwing here. Though, the idea seemed thrilling.

We didn't waste any time and kissed as soon as we got to my room. I just managed to push the door. I didn't know if I was able to lock it. I didn't really care.

He shoved me on the bed, and crawled on top of me. I smiled and pulled him down as I brushed my tongue sensually against his parted lips. He smiled, kissing me before he sat up and yanked his top off. Then we began to help each other be free of our clothes; hands fumbled against the fabrics. We gasped as raging teenagers we are, whenever our heated skins made contact. And, I loved it. Loved the feel of his warmth and his weight over me, and how hard he was against my thigh, sending delicious shivers down my body.

Feeling suddenly bold,  I reached for his ass. And gave it a meaningful squeeze, earning a moan from him. The sound he made, did things to me. And I'm even more eager to hear them again.

We continued to fool around the bed, moaning and breathing each other's names like a song as the height of pleasure rose within us.

[the-omni-princess]

Fleece Navidad

Author: @the-omni-princess​

Summary: Your residential frequent flyer has a good reason for wanting to stop by to see you – again.

Prompt: Doctor AU

Word Count: 1.2K

Pairing: Doctor!Latina!Reader x Biker!Bucky

Warnings: Mentions of ER emergencies (including: Stomach related sicknesses, stabbings, broken bones, small cuts, and injuries), cursing

A/N:

This was for @mypassionsarenysins​​ ‘s 1k challenge! Congrats!!! Prompt was Doctor AU #mypassionsarenysins1k

Merry Christmas, Happy First Night of Hanukah, and Happy Holidays!!!

I also have a Stucky fic posting on Christmas (I hope), and another fic posting before the years ended! Hopefully will have started that Blood Bound chapter as well! Have a great holiday guys! <3

-

[Masterlist]

It was yet another long night with little to no sleep. At the very least, the ER seemed to be mostly empty. A few kids that ate stuff they weren’t supposed to, an accidental hand stabbing in Room 3, and a broken ankle in Room 5. For an ER in Brooklyn at night, it could have been much worse, but it seemed with the oncoming snowstorm, fewer people seemed to be out. Fewer people, fewer emergencies, and a slow night.

It was almost midnight Christmas night, and you sipped on your gingerbread coffee, counting down the minutes until your shift was over and you could spend the next few days on break from work. The nurses on duty had most of the patients covered, while you, the main doctor on duty for another hour, just watched over the few people still here. For once, it was peaceful. That was until your residential frequent flyer strolled in.

James “Bucky” Barnes, the president of the Avengers Motorcycle Club, sauntered in, clutching his arm. His number two and three, Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson, by his side, both looking equally bored. “Mr. Barnes,” you sighed softly, letting one of the nurses handle the sick child with food poisoning in Room 2. “To what do I owe the absolute pleasure?” sarcasm dripped like venom in your voice. Overall, the Avengers were a band of Do-gooders, intimidating bikers that protected the people who needed it around town; but lately, their president seemed to have a permanent bed in your ER.

“Aw, doll, it’s good to see you too,” Bucky teased back, grinning as he followed you to Room 4, sitting on the bed. “See it’s not too bad today, just some bruises and cuts, making sure I didn’t break anything is all.” He held out his arm, and sure enough, his wrist was bruised up, swollen, with a bit of blood.

You glanced towards his cohorts, “Do you just let him run into walls like a Roomba?” you looked more annoyed than anything. Sure, this biker was cute – okay fine, hot as fuck – but he tended to just take up space in your ER. Granted, he only seemed to show up when you were on duty and when the ER was slow, but still.

“Aw, doll, you’re no fun. It’s Christmas and you're stuck here,” he pouted as you began to clean and bandage his wrist, quickly figuring out it wasn’t broken and didn’t need stitches. Both of his friends looked at him with a pointed expression when you turned around.

“I’m here because I want to, Barnes. It’s my job.” You finished bandaging him before sitting beside him. “Rogers, Wilson, out. You two can wait in the waiting room.” Both men rushed out the curtain, moving down the hallway quickly. You turned on the biker, your face scrunched up, “How many times do I have to tell you, Bucky? Stay out of my ER! Just because we went on a few dates and have one tomorrow doesn’t mean you can take up space when others might need it.”

Bucky had the decency to look away bashfully, “I didn’t want you to be alone on Christmas, baby doll,” he murmured softly, making you melt.

“Babe, I celebrated Christmas yesterday. Had my sisters over, that’s why I didn’t go out to lunch with you. I’m Latina, I’ve always celebrated Christmas the night before.” You said gently, smiling faintly as he went red.

“Oh-Oh! Fuck, I’m sorry, Sweetheart, I wasn’t thinking-“

“You’re right, you weren’t, but I forgive you,” you teased, kissing his cheek before checking your watch. “I’m off in twenty minutes, think you can have enough patience to wait for me in the waiting room with the boys?”

He nodded quickly, grinning, “Poor guys think I’m a love-sick puppy, following you around.”

“That’s because you are, babe,” you teased, smiling up at him. “You get out of here and tell them either about us or some excuse, I’ll be there when I clock out.”

He stood back up, smiling as he pulled you into his arms. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you kissed his nose, “Now go.”

He reluctantly walked off towards your waiting room while you checked on the last few patients of yours. You quickly said goodbye a few minutes later to your nurses and the doctor rotating onto duty while you clocked out.

When you made your way to the waiting room, Bucky, Steve, and Sam stood there, the latter two with shit-eating grins on their faces. “Should I ask whats got you two so excited?” You teased, unable to stop the smile from your face as Bucky led you out the door and into the chilly weather. No snow this Christmas but still decently cold, which had you shivering in your scrubs. The current fleece sweater you were wearing with the words ‘Fleece Navidad’ and a little sheep wasn’t giving you much warmth as the temperature dropped.

Bucky placed his leather jacket around your shoulders, using the little shuffle you did into the warmth of the leather – the scent of smoky cologne filling your senses – to pull you into his embrace. “I might have told them about us,” he said in a soft voice, tilting your chin up gently.

“Oh, did you now?” You grinned, “Did you also mention that you’re a secret teddy bear that didn’t want his girlfriend to feel lonely on Christmas, so you slammed your hand into a wall?”

Sam snickered behind you, and Bucky shot him a dirty look before softening as he looked back down towards you. “I might have skipped that part. Let me give you a ride home, sweetheart. My ma would kill me if she found out I let you take the subway home this late at night in this weather.” He gently pushed a stray baby hair out of your face, your usual work hairdo messy from the long and hectic shift.

“Only if you can promise me hot cocoa and dancing to Christmas Frank Sinatra record.”

“Deal,” he pulled you closer, making a shooing motion towards his friends as he finally closed the distance and kissed you softly. Slow movements underneath the spell of each other, gentle caresses, not caring about the intruders to your little moment.

“Not to make this even cuter, but you guys are even under the mistletoe!” Steve teased, Sam and him chuckling as the leaned on the wall near their bikes.

You looked up, and sure enough, one of your coworkers had taped a small bundle of mistletoe above your heads. Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle, tugging you impossibly closer. “Perfect,” he kissed your nose, absentmindedly noticing it was growing cold, making you melt with his charming and goofy smile. “Merry Christmas, baby girl.”

“Merry Christmas, Bucky.” Surrounded by the lights of a distance ambulance leaving the lot and the bright white lights of the inside of the ER, you couldn’t help but compare it to the holiday lights strung around the rest of the city, bathing you and Bucky with holiday warmth as Carol of the Bells begun to play in some café down the street. This right here, with the man you were slowly but quickly falling in love with, was the most perfect end to your holiday than you could have dreamt of.

---

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[sincerelyreidburke]

Okay, here’s a little ficlet for you guys!! We’ve brought Quinn’s summer in Arizona into the discussion; now let’s see it in action. This is also now posted as the newest chapter in my ao3 cricket ficlet collection.

In which: Quinn takes Nando’s little sister on a costuming supply run. And wholesome content ensues.

(Sorry, this got so long. Actually, I regret nothing, but I’m still sorry because this is a weird medium to post something that’s long.)

//

junior-senior summer | june

 Quinn has a special relationship with Joann Fabrics.

For him, being let loose in one is sort of like being a chicken nugget fiend of a young child and finding out your parent is going to stop and get you a Happy Meal on the way home from school. It evokes borderline euphoria in his subconscious, a youthful eagerness that he’s quite sure he’ll never shake. The thing is that those places are just… boundless potential, everything crafty that he loves all under one roof. He could quite literally lose an entire day just walking around the store, without buying anything at all.

So… you can imagine his excitement when, on the third day of production on The Wizard of Oz , the director of the Tempe Community Children’s Theatre hands him an envelope of cash. “Here’s half of your costume budget,” she tells him. “Let me know when you want the other half. There’s a Joann’s ten minutes away from here, if that’s helpful for you to know.”

“Oh, my goodness!” Quinn looks into the envelope— there’s plenty here to accomplish what he wants with it; he’s used to costuming on the Grand Rapids Summer Players budget, which, if you must know, stretched him very thin most seasons. “Thank you so much, Erica. That is immensely helpful for me to know. Is it okay if I go tomorrow?”

Erica is tall, tan, middle-aged, and constantly wearing a shawl as part of her outfit. A lot of people on the tech team are scared of her, but Quinn isn’t in the slightest. “You can go whenever your heart desires,” she replies, with a smile. “Keep me updated with what you’re putting together.”

“Thank you.” Quinn nods his head a little, clasping the envelope behind his back with both hands. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She waves. “See you, Quinn.”

That’s the key with directors. You have to kiss up a little, and then you’re on their good side, and life is easy.

Rosa and Gabriella are both waiting for him by the bench outside the auditorium. The program operates out of Tempe’s high school, whose theatre is better than the one back in Michigan but nothing near Kiersey's Beckett Center.

“Ready?” he asks the two girls. They jump off the bench in near unison.

“Ready!” Gabriella affirms, and Rosa just nods.

They’re identical twins, but it’s not hard to tell them apart. Gabriella’s hair is always braided, and Rosa wears glasses. Not to mention their personalities are entirely different. They each look so much like Sebastián, and their mama, too. Quinn has been in Arizona for three weeks, almost four, but the resemblance still strikes him every time he looks at them.

Quinn picks up the canvas bag that holds the girls’ stuff; right now, it’s not much, except Gabriella’s ballet shoes and some snacks, but closer to the actual production, they’ll be bringing more back and forth.

Gabriella skips over the linoleum floor, landing only on the blue parts in its multicolored pattern, like the rest of it is lava. “Good news, Rosa,” he says, as they start for the door. Rosa looks up at him, sticking close by his leg. He tells her, “We get to go to Joann’s tomorrow,” and her face lights up.

“Who’s Joann?” Gabriella asks.

“It’s a store , dummy,” Rosa replies. “You know, with arts and crafts?”

She leaps to a new blue square. “Like pom-poms?”

Rosa nods. “And sequins.”

“Why do you need to go there?”

“To buy supplies to make the costumes,” Quinn tells her. She wobbles on one foot as she hunts for another blue patch. “So you’ll look pretty onstage!”

“Ooh!” This seems to pique Gabriella’s interest. “Can you buy me a crown?”

“You’re a Munchkin ,” Rosa says. “Munchkins don’t wear crowns.”

“Well, maybe I’m a Munchkin princess!”

“Those don’t exist.”

“Yes, they do.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Nuh- uh .”

“Quinn?” Gabriella stops at the double glass doors to look back at him. “Do Munchkin princesses exist?”

They each survey him intensely, and Quinn, by principle, is scared of absolutely no one, but being selected as the judge for their debate is intimidating. “I… am not sure,” he settles for, “but maybe we can do some research in the real Wizard of Oz book and find out.”

“Yay!” Gabriella cries, and Rosa doesn’t look disappointed— Quinn knows she’s a book fan, so this seems to satisfy her, too.

It’s the little things.

The next morning, although they haven’t yet figured out if Munchkin princesses exists, Quinn is dialed in and on a mission. He has a rather lengthy shopping list for the Joann run, and he packs some of his own money, too, into the side of his bag, just in case something in there strikes his fancy. Which… it definitely will. He’s incapable of going in, even for a costume-related trip, without emerging with something for himself.

“For the road, mi amor ,” says Sebastián, pressing a travel mug with a teabag in it into his hands. “I’ll finish the cleanup.”

Quinn glances beyond him, to the small stack of dishes next to the sink, and winces a little. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I can stay another few minutes.”

“No, no— go; I don’t want you to be late.” They’ve handled breakfast, as they do most mornings, for themselves and the girls; Mrs. Hernandez is working a weirdly timed shift at the hospital. Sebastián has work today, too, at his tio’s restaurant, but it’s not until later; he’s still in his sweats. “I don’t mind,” he adds.

Quinn smiles up at him. He still has some curly bedhead, and the facial hair he shaved after his playoffs in the spring is coming in again. Mornings with him in his childhood home are domestic in a way Quinn has never known. “Thank you,” he says, wrapping both hands around the tea. “And breakfast was delicious.”

Sebastián beams. “Of course, baby.” He takes him by the shoulders for a quick kiss, and it’s no more than three seconds long, but right then, from out of nowhere, the ten-year-old relationship police descend upon them.

“Sebastián, yuck !” Gabriella is walking across the kitchen, fresh from the go ahead and put on your shoes, then we’ll go to rehearsal mission that Quinn sent her on two minutes ago. “No kissing in the kitchen.”

Sebastián rolls his eyes at his sister, still grinning lopsidedly. “Who said that’s a rule?”

“I did.” Gabriella huffs, then grabs Quinn’s shirt on the way by. “C’mon, Quinn, we’re going.”

Quinn laughs, as she pulls him toward the front door, and Sebastián raises his eyebrows. “Well, you sure told me, huh,” he says. Rosa, fresh from upstairs, crosses the kitchen without fanfare, and joins them at the door.

“He doesn’t have time for you; you’re gross,” Gabriella says to Sebastián, like so there , and Quinn makes eye contact with him as he’s being wrangled to the door. Sebastián raises his eyebrows and mouths, She really showed me .

Quinn grabs the keys off the hook by the door, still laughing, and waves to him. “I’ll see you later, honey.”

“Bye!” he calls, leaning against the counter. “Have fun at Joann’s!”

Quinn has been thinking about this since yesterday, and yet the reminder makes him smile like he’s remembering it for the first time. “Oh, I will!”

Sebastián winks at him, which is just cause to smile further.

“My brother is gross,” Gabriella tells him, as they walk down the front path towards the car. “He’ll give you cooties.”

If that’s the case, it’s far too late. “I suppose so,” he replies. “But it’s a good thing he’s sweet, too.”

Gabriella makes a gagging noise. “Love is yucky ,” she says, and Quinn laughs.

Getting out of the house in the morning has been a feat since he got here. The twins are chaotic— well, Gabriella is chaotic; Rosa just adds another person into the mix— and it was a little easier when they were sending them off to school, but now that Quinn is bringing them to the theatre, he’s directly involved in the child-wrangling. Mrs. Hernandez is sometimes working and sometimes not in the mornings, but he and Sebastián have taken it upon themselves to do the morning routine so they can give her a break.

It… feels like home. Quinn could get very, very used to this.

At the high school, he drops Gabriella off with the other kids for stage rehearsal, and then rejoins Rosa in the lobby, where she’s waiting dutifully. “Are you ready?” he asks her, and she nods, with a big smile he’s not sure he’s ever seen from her.

“Let’s go to Joann’s,” she declares, and he smiles.

“Indeed,” he replies, and they start back for the car together. “Let’s go.”

He wonders, as they set off in the car, if Rosa will be shy. Although the past few days with starting out Oz have placed them in one-on-one contact, because Rosa is his wardrobe assistant for the summer, those are the first times he’s been alone with her, without her much more talkative sister or Sebastián or Mrs. Hernandez in the mix somewhere. He knows that Rosa is shy; he’s witnessed as much, since he arrived here. He’d love to get to know her.

But he doesn’t want to push her, either, and especially doesn’t want to do the grown-up thing (goodness, he’s a grown-up) where you accidentally make a kid uncomfortable because you ask too many questions. So as he listens to his phone navigate him in the direction of the store, he keeps mostly quiet, with the radio on low volume.

Then, about three minutes into their drive, her small voice breaks the silence. “My mama says you’re staying with us this summer because my brother loves you.” As he looks over to her, she pauses. Her eyes are on him, behind her purple-rimmed glasses. “Is that true?”

“Well… yes, that’s true,” he replies, because it’s the most watered-down version of the truth. You can’t really tell a ten-year-old that your grandparents kicked you out directly because you love said ten-year-old’s brother. And boys. As a concept. “I do love your brother very much,” he adds. “And I’m very grateful to be here with you this summer.”

Both these things are true. If it weren’t for Sebastián, he has no idea where he’d be staying right now. He has nowhere to go.

It was a big and awful truth when he first faced it. But that was months ago, and he’s all right now. There are people who love him, who support him— even if they’re not blood family.

Rosa nods, like she’s a lawyer, and he’s on the witness stand. In three hundred feet, continue onto East Broadway Road , says the GPS. She folds her arms, but not in a standoffish way, and asks, “Why didn’t your mama and papa want you to come home and see them?”

Oh. This one is harder to dodge. Quinn takes a second, smoothing the front of his hair, before he replies, “Well… I don’t see much of my parents, actually.”

“Are they dead?”

It’s so quick, it almost gives him whiplash. He forgets that Rosa and Gabriella lost a parent; they’re well familiar with death. “No,” he says, gently. “They just aren’t around.”

“Oh.” Rosa hangs her head. “Sorry.”

“Oh, goodness,” he says. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t hurt my feelings or anything, I promise.”

“Okay.” At least she takes this at face value, and Quinn can relax again. In 2.3 miles, turn left onto South Dobson Road. He knows she’s still looking at him, and for some reason, he can tell she’s going to ask him another question before it comes. “Is it true you can’t hear without your headphones?”

Quinn smiles a little. He taps the hearing aid on her side and nods. “They aren’t headphones,” he says, “but yes, that’s true.”

She cranes her neck to look over the console. “Are they magic?”

He laughs. “In a way, I suppose. They let me do some things, but I’m just as much myself without them.”

“What kind of things?”

“Like listening to music.” He pauses. “And speaking English. It’s like your glasses help you see; these help me hear.”

She touches her purple frames again. “But when you did your play last summer,” she says, “some of the actors were deaf like you, right?”

“Right!” He smiles fondly. Tour seems like a lifetime ago, but he’s still in touch with some of the friends he made.

“So you used sign language,” Rosa says. “Instead of singing.”

“Combined with singing,” he replies. “It was really lovely.”

She frowns a little. “How come we couldn’t go see it?”

Oop . Gabriella has asked him this same question before. Sebastián wasn’t even sure about letting Mrs. Hernandez see the show, let alone his then-nine-year-old sisters. “Um… because it’s— well, it’s for grown-ups.”

Rosa huffs, but she doesn’t sound mad at him . Just frustrated. “That’s what Mama said.”

He’s glad she doesn’t stretch that topic any further, because he would have no idea how to explain Spring Awakening to a ten-year-old. Instead, she shifts gears. “Next time you do one, can it be for kids?”

He smiles at her. “I’ll be sure of it.”

For now, this ends Rosa’s interrogation, but she doesn’t get shy again. It’s pleasant, actually, to hear her say more than a few words at a time— from then to when they pull in at Joann, she talks about Oz , and doesn’t go quiet until they walk up to the automatic doors. Quinn grabs a carriage, because they’re definitely going to need one, and pulls the list out of his pocket.

The doors slide open, and he takes a long breath in.

It’s time.

“ Wow ,” Rosa says, from next to him, as she takes in the sight of the store in all its fabric and craft glory. “We could make, like, a million costumes in here!”

“It’s the greatest place.” Quinn might be crying a little. He leans down to her, list in-hand. “Are you ready to be my little helper?”

She actually jumps up-and-down at this. “Yeah!” she says, and it’s the most energy he’s ever seen out of her. “What should I do first?”

He brandishes the list. “Follow me.”

*

It’s an absolutely religious experience.

It takes two hours, and not a second if it is wasted time. Rosa is the greatest help, always asking what’s next for her to do, and he moves through the aisles on a mission. He is in his glory, and he regrets absolutely nothing.

They stock up on the basics— tulle, yarn, and cotton, plus sequins and gingham, a few different rolls of ribbon, buttons and thread. They fill the entire cart. Each moment spent inside the store is like free serotonin to last Quinn for months.

Checking out at half of the cash in the envelope, he marks it down as an extremely successful trip. “Great job!” he says to Rosa, as they walk back into the parking lot. It’s baking-hot outside, but the heat is dry, and it’s tolerable for now. “We got everything on our list.”

Rosa is smiling, ear to ear, and has been for most of the past two hours. “Wow,” she says. “I love that place.”

“We’ll definitely be back,” he says, with a glance over his shoulder at the storefront. “But this should get us started for now.”

“ Yes ,” Rosa says, and it sounds like it’s maybe just for herself, a quiet little celebration.

He puts the bags in the back of the truck, returns the carriage, and punches the directions back to the high school into his phone. As they’re pulling out of the parking lot (he looks both ways three times, because he, as a gay, really shouldn’t be driving at all), Rosa, still in good spirits, says, “That was fun.”

“That was very fun,” he says, then holds up his palm. “Give me a high-five?” She nods and smacks it eagerly. He smiles. “That was a good one.”

“That’s because teamwork,” Rosa says, very wisely, and he nods his agreement.

“I’m really glad to have you as my helper,” he tells her. “We’re going to have fun with these costumes. And then they’ll look very pretty on stage. Just you wait.”

Rosa nods. “I like costumes,” she says. “It’s like being a fashion designer.”

“Exactly!”

He is really glad she finally opened up a little. He considers this trip a success on a number of fronts.

“Quinn?”

He looks to her. She’s giving him the lawyer stare once again. “Yes?”

She takes a short breath, then asks, “Are you and Sebastián getting married?”

He isn’t adequately prepared for how sweet the question makes him, and he feels his face get warm, like he’s blushing at the mere thought. Which, on one hand, could be embarrassing, and he’d most certainly be getting chirped or fined if Ben or Remy were around— but it’s just him and Rosa, his maybe future sister-in-law, in the car, and she’s asking honestly, and gosh, if the idea of that doesn’t make him soft all over.

So he answers honestly. “Yes,” he says, because they’ve talked about it plenty. They may not know exactly what comes after graduation, which, mind you, is still a whole year away— but they know, without a doubt, that they’re doing it together. “Not just yet, but someday.”

Rosa smiles. She nods, and folds her arms again. She’s not looking at him when she replies, but the words touch Quinn all the same. “Good.” She pauses. “‘Cause I like you.”

Now he’s definitely red in the face. This little girl is the sweetest.

Gosh, Quinn wants to be a dad someday.

As he drives along— the roads in Arizona are all straight, and they line up like a grid, like a much more stretched-out New York filled with cacti and palm trees instead of skyscrapers. He keeps thinking, being here these past few weeks, that he could see himself living here.

At the edge of his vision a ways up the road, he spots the golden arches, a giant towering advertisement. And he gets a very good idea.

“Rosa,” he says, evenly. “Do you like chicken nuggets?”

“Um, yeah ?” She doesn’t seem to have spotted it yet, but she looks over at him like he’s asked the most obvious question in the world. “What kind of a person doesn’t like chicken nuggets?”

Quinn laughs. “Fair point,” he replies, then starts to signal. “Do you want a Happy Meal?”

[i-guess-im-a-fanfic-writer-now]

A better life (Chapter 13, Avengers x reader)

ayyyyy!!! here’s this chapter, i’m gonna post chapter 14 on the 15th of december, will try my best to get back on track and post every other week though

i hope you enjoy this one! likes, comments, reblogs are greatly appreciated! also, as usual, if you want me to write anything into the tw that isn’t already there, feel free to ask me to do it!

tw: does self doubt count? as in like, doubting that what’s happening is actually Bad? because there’s that closer to the end,,, also, there’s a food thing but it’s only like a “i’m afraid of taking fridge food since it might be someone else’s” kinda thing, and also the word “dumbass” (said by the reader but affectionately? does that make sense?)

Your alarm went off. You slowly opened your eyes, peeking out cautiously from under your covers. You weren’t entirely sure where you were at first, thinking that maybe what happened yesterday was all just a dream, and you were once again in the same apartment as your mother, but you quickly gained awareness of your surroundings. You were still in the Stark Tower.

“Shit”, you whispered, practically jumping out of bed. In just a few seconds, you managed to forget that you had to go to your job. You got ready and headed out, not seeing any of the Avengers on your way out. It was pretty early, and most of them would probably be trying to sleep in, so you figured everything should be fine.

A few hours later, during your lunch break, you decided to quickly go get some of your things from your apartment. You had your set of keys, and since it was still a weekday, you knew that your mother would be at her job, and no one else would be at the apartment. You had to run for a few minutes to make sure you’d have enough time for everything and for getting back to your job.

You unlocked the door, and slid through the hallway. You immediately dashed to your room, your heart beating so hard you could hear it. You found a small luggage in your closet, and decided to use it. You put as many things as you could fit in there: clothes, books, etc., took a few necessities, like your toothbrush and any hygiene products that you needed, zipped the case up, and left the apartment in a hurry, locking the door on your way out. *I’ll come back tomorrow just in case I forgot anything*, you thought.

Luckily, your boss let you place your small luggage into an employees only room, and you finished up the work day in a few more hours. You clocked out, took your luggage, and immediately left for Stark Tower. It looked just as majestic as it did the first time you saw it, but now it was less imposing. It felt a bit more like home. It felt safe.

As soon as you got back to your room, you began unpacking and placing objects into their new space. It looked pretty clean to you, but it was probably cluttered enough for some people to just have no idea how you know where your things are. You didn’t really care if others didn’t understand your organization method. It made sense to you, you vaguely knew where things were supposed to be, and that was enough.

After having changed into comfier clothes to wear in a “home” environment, you checked the clock in the room. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon. You took a deep breath, and suddenly yawned. You grunted, and headed over to the kitchen, sliding quietly in your socks.

The room was completely empty. You relaxed a bit, put the water on to boil, and quickly went to your room and back, now holding a bowl of dollar store noodle soup.

Suddenly, you heard the noise the lift made when opening. You quickly turned around to face the noise. Tony was standing there, and for a few seconds he just stared at you in confusion. You started kind of panicking internally as he stared at you, even though it lasted mere seconds.

He walked up to you and nodded at the dollar store bowl in your hands.

“Hey, why you eating that? Kid, you know there’s food, right? You can have the food. There’s plenty here”, he nodded towards the fridge and freezers standing close to another counter. For a moment, it looked like he froze, and he then looked at you. “Are you, like, allowed to come and go to the kitchen when your mother’s around?”

You shrugged awkwardly. “She’s kind of scary, I uh, I tend to avoid her. I kind of usually go to the kitchen at night. And she could randomly decide that she wanted something despite telling me she didn’t want it, so I’ve just been trying not to inconvenience her, you know.” You looked down to the floor. “Ramen’s better than nothing, so..”

“You can take any food you want at any time, Y/N, alright? Like, unless someone’s name is actually on it, it’s free to eat. You can have anything you like.”

“Thank you, Mister Stark”, you smiled awkwardly, flicking your gaze to him for half a second. You noticed you were fidgeting, so you shoved your hands into your pockets.

“Want a hug?”

You looked at him, and he opened his arms. You nodded and he gently enveloped you in his arms. 

“Thank you”, you said. You tried to hug him back, feeling a bit unsure: you didn’t really know how hugs worked, and accidentally being awkward would be, well, awkward. Tony was going to be your legal guardian, or at least one of them, pretty soon, and you were scared of doing something that would make him not want to have you around anymore, even though you technically knew this wouldn’t happen.

You stayed like that for maybe half a dozen seconds when you both let go, and he went over to the coffee maker, immediately getting everything he needed for it. The dollar store ramen was already open, so you just made it and decided to get some actual food later on, after you finished what you already had.

Tony sat down into a couch, his coffee mug in front of him on a small table, and he then just half lied down, letting out a small groan. He grabbed a remote from the table and turned on the tv, putting it on a low volume. He looked pretty tired.

When you finished eating the ramen, you were still hungry, so you went over and got something from the fridge, making sure a dozen times that it didn’t belong to anyone. You heated it up and ate it slower than usual, trying to enjoy the taste of it. 

Closer to when you were done, you started hearing some sort of noise. Desperately trying to find the source of the repetitive noise, you looked around and quickly found it: Tony was just chilling in front of the tv, snoring. He must’ve been really tired. You cleaned up your plate, grabbed a blanket, and placed it onto him so he wouldn’t freeze, and then you moved the coffee mug further away from the edge of the table: it wouldn’t be pleasant for him if he suddenly woke up and accidentally pushed the mug off the table, or if he broke something and got hurt because of it.

You left the common room and decided to stay in your room for a while. You took your laptop and headphones out of your bag, putting your music on shuffle and sitting down at the work table in the room and simultaneously adjusting the height of the chair. After skipping 9 songs until you found the one you wanted, you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, lying back into the chair.

A bit later, you checked the time. You blinked repeatedly, unsure that what you were seeing was real; it was 7pm. You’d been listening to music for over two hours, but it felt like maybe half an hour had passed.

You got up and dragged yourself over to the bed, lying face down and wrapping yourself into blankets for maximum comfort and warmth, and you curled up into a ball, all while still wearing your headphones. You didn’t even remember closing your eyes, but you just passed out. 

A bit over two hours later, there was a gentle knock on the door, but it still managed to wake you up in a brief panic.

Natasha’s voice started quietly, but then grew just a bit louder.

“Hey, Y/N, just wanted to say that it’s like, dinner time, so feel free to come out and hang around with us all in the common room. Yeah.”

You kept quiet, weighing out the pros and cons of joining a large gathering and decided against it.

*I Do Not have energy for this right now*, you thought, despite still feeling thankful that Natasha thought of you.

You buried yourself deeper into the blankets and stayed there, almost unmoving, and just breathing slowly for what felt like forever, until it became too hot and you took the blankets off yourself. You were still in your day clothes since you didn’t plan on actually falling asleep. You stretched, groaning quietly, still lying down, and caught yourself just as you were about to roll of the bed and fall onto the floor.

*Fuck, I want tea. But there’s a gathering going on. Dammit. Eh, I’ll just, maybe, wait like, an hour? Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. An hour. I’ll get tea at like, 10. Should be less people there then. This is fine. Might as well do something while waiting.*

 You sat in front of your laptop, opened it, and started scrolling through Youtube, looking for fun things to watch while doing nothing. Staring periodically at the clock, you got increasingly annoyed: time seemed to move really slowly for some reason, and though you could swear you just watched two 15 minute long videos, the clock showed that not even 10 minutes passed since 9pm. You were starting to get hungry despite having eaten a few hours ago, and you felt your stomach growl already.

Grabbing a book, you sat down onto the carpeted floor in front of the couch, your back propped against it. You just needed to distract yourself until you could stand leaving the room and hopefully not have to talk to a bunch of people.

Reading was practically impossible: you couldn’t actually concentrate at the moment, and it really didn’t help that you either over concentrated on things or your attention span was so short that you couldn’t keep yourself occupied for longer than a minute, and even then, you had no idea what happened within that minute.

You just decided to put an alarm for 10pm in case you got distracted.

Suddenly, a notification popped up on your phone, and then another. The first one was Peter, and you immediately clicked it to read his message.

- Ayy, what’s up? (P.P.)

- hey, not much, chilling at the Stark Tower

they’re having some sort of evening gathering and i’m just honestly too dead and overwhelmed to join them

you? (Y/N)

- that’s nice! i’m glad you’re staying there lately!!

oOf, big mood, gatherings are like, Exhausting and just Too Much sometimes

just got back from swinging around the city, i am tired as h * c k (P.P.)

- dude why did you censor heck (Y/N)

- how dare, this is a swear free minecraft server, you can’t say Bad Words here that’s Illegal (P.P.)

- asfjfjak go to sleep (Y/N)

- *uno reverse card picture* (P.P.)

- noo i’m waiting so people leave so i can get food 

seriously tho go to sleep if you’re exhausted, i just had an accidental two hours long nap so i’ll be alright for a bit (Y/N)

- ight fine i’ll go to sleep, good night Y/N (P.P.)

You smiled and sent him a good night message back.

“Dumbass spider”, you said quietly.

Another notification appeared. This was a text from your mother, which freaked you out a bit, but it said “call me”, so you couldn’t really do anything about being scared at the moment. You dialled her number and waited, full of dread, for her to answer. When she finally answered, you said a quiet “hi” to her. She asked you how things were going, and you played along, saying everything was good while really trying not to sound like you were panicking.

Less than a few minutes later, she said her goodbyes. Doubts started creeping into your mind. *What if I’m wrong and she’s actually really nice? What if she’s only like that to me sometimes because I’m just,, Bad? Maybe I made a mistake by telling mister Stark.. she’s nice to me sometimes, what if it’s like, okay?” You started feeling a bit uneasy, afraid that you were making a huge mistake by asking him to help you with getting out of the situation with your mother.

You hugged your knees and stared at the floor, overthinking this one interaction with her. *What if she’s actually really mad at me and when she sees me back there again she’ll show her anger? What if she somehow found out that I told mister Stark?*

[phoenixisstrange]

The Best Day Forever Chapter 1 (Edited)

But I am wrong. It begins with me, in a nice suburban house doing my own thing going about my day. I guess I live here? I don't know who I live with or if I live alone but I encounter neighbors and friends (I don't remember specific interactions). I don’t even know how I got this beautiful house OR what town it’s in. It’s like someone created me and my life, peppered in some aspects of my personality and memory and dropped me into it. So I wake up in my? bed. 

I wake up, make myself breakfast, and acquaint myself with my neighborhood. As if I haven’t lived here for quite some time-- judging off of the bills I have sitting on the counter waiting to be paid. I open the front door. It’s a big wooden door with a little window that has decorative iron bars encasing it. Whoever designed this house did a damn nice job. I admire my front door as if I’ve never seen it before. As I step out onto my front porch I am greeted by a symphony of wildlife and a beautiful panorama of the forest. This was an intentional design point of the house. The way the forest sits inside of the frame of my porch is so perfect that it must be deliberate. The facade of my house faces a dense forest but I do have neighbors on either side of my property. 

To the left I see a mother herding her 3 kids into her minivan, well trying at least. One of the kids is running around screaming; wearing only one flip flop on. The other kid has dropped her bookbag on the ground. The third sits strapped into the car quietly. “Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!” the mom corrals her child into the van. 

I chuckle and breathe in the crisp morning air as it mingles with the scent of my piping hot coffee. The house to the right is a bit smaller and nobody seems to be home. After I finish my coffee, I go back inside and look at my schedule. It’s my day off.

I text my girls, Iz and Cree to see what they’re up to. I guess they also live in the area. Whatever the area is. The girls arrive and we set up camp in my warmly-lit living room. A low-budget Netflix horror movie plays in the background as we sip our Rosé.

 “So how’s Carter?” I ask Iz.

 “He’s good, he’s interviewing for a job at a new dealership as a sales manager”

“Good for him, I wish him luck in all his managerial endeavors” I say with a little too much enthusiasm. 

“Phoenix---How’s your love life??” She did it. She asked the dreaded question.

“Heh, funny you should ask… You would probably have an easier time finding a human being on Mars than I would finding a lover. ” Wow, I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve answered that. Me? Jaded? Never. Just realistic. I have too much going on to focus on finding someone right now. That’s what I tell myself at night when the loneliness hits. 

“Unfortunately my lover either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want me.” I add. You can practically see my dignity leaving the room. 

“Sometimes you just gotta ride the wave alone...” Cree-- who appears to be catatonic on the couch-- mutters from beneath a blanket. 

“Facts” Iz and I say in unison.

We finish a bottle of wine and cook some ramen. I never eat Ramen, I can’t stand it. But Iz and Cree love it so I guess that’s why my cabinets are stacked with the stuff. Either that or I am preparing for the inevitable collapse of our organized society. In that case, I know for a fact that I won’t go hungry. There’s so many packets of chicken flavored instant noodles hiding in my cabinets that I could feed a tribe in the post apocalyptic world.

The fragrance of the salty noodles dances with the incense that burns in the living room. The sound of a woman being possessed by the devil blares from the tv speakers.

“Haven’t we watched this movie already?” Iz clearly isn’t into it. “Probably, but all Netflix horror movies are the same. They usually end up as white noise anyway.” 

“I like it.” Cree chimes in

“If Cree thinks it’s a good movie, then obviously it’s a good movie Iz.” Sarcasm. 

“Cree said Suicide Squad was her favorite movie. She cannot be trusted to judge a good movie!” 

“Everyone thought that movie was so bad but y’all just don’t appreciate good art.” Cree stands firmly by her decision.

The movie concludes with the predictable ending where the antagonist--who has succumbed to demonic possession-- is cleansed of evil through a dramatic exorcism. The entire house that the movie is set in is destroyed. This forces the traumatized family to move out of the beautiful home they recently purchased. The movie ends on a cliff-hanger where a new family moves into the very house--which has now been repaired--in hopes to start a life. Boring.

The girls leave at about 11 pm. I take a quick shower and pour myself a glass of seltzer. Nights like this are ideal for stargazing. Not a cloud in the sky and cool enough to have the windows open in the house. Apparently, I missed my mark. I open my door to a rather jarring sight. Expecting the usual chirping of the cicadas and a star speckled sky; I am met with a rising sun. The sky is not an 11 pm sky it’s a 6 am sky. I’m confused and kind of scared. My mind starts to race. How drunk did we get last night? It was just a few glasses of wine not enough to black out the entire fucking night. I text Cree and Iz. No response. I figure they’re sleeping. 

My phone says 5:47 am on Saturday, 7/23. My day off is Saturday, which would be the 23rd. Saturday was yesterday. I turn on the TV to verify the date and News 12 confirms my fear of today’s date, 7/23. The annual family cookout is being held tomorrow at the park. 4 pm sharp, don’t miss it! Did I skip work yesterday? No way, I would’ve gotten a call. My head is spinning at this point and I decide to lay down for a bit.

The sound of the news 12 anchorwoman echoes in my head. “This weekend is going to be a hot one. Anyone planning on traveling west towards the coast should take care to leave a little bit early because of heavy delays along all major highways.” 

I drift in and out of consciousness and finally give up. I’ve watched the sun rise through the skylight that is fixed above the couch. That big ball of fire has climbed straight into the center of the skylight. The big ball of fire is blinding me. The time is 8:30 according to my phone. I barely slept a wink. My mind was too busy trying to figure out if I was going batshit or if I was actually trapped in a temporal loop. I mean, that would be cool because then that would mean that time loops do exist but not cool because of the fact that I would be caught in one by myself. 

My phone buzzes to life with a message from Iz. “What are you talking about? Ladies night didn’t happen hunny.” I’m wigged. 

“Must’ve dreamt it! We need a night soon, hunnies.” I reply. 

“Ok Phoenix… This is the sitch, yesterday was Friday. You accidentally skipped work and today is Saturday. Wine night was just a dream because you have been missing Cree and Iz lately…” I am rambling to myself in the dark. Yes, that will spare my sanity. I drag myself off the couch since sleep isn’t happening. I step outside at around 9. Once again, the forest is roaring with life and so is the mother next door… 

“Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!”…. I need to leave.

I go to the store and begin piling snacks and random food items into my cart. It’s been a while since I’ve been food shopping so this is OK. 

“Ice cream and wine. Check.” I say to myself. Drink myself out of the loop. Yeah, that’ll work. I see this really cute girl staring intently at a box of Gushers. For a second, it’s as if my world isn’t imploding on itself and I’m just at the store looking at a beautiful girl I’d like to know. For some reason, she’s engrossed by these artificially flavored fruit snacks. It looks as if she’s deep in thought, something is on her mind so she is occupying the time with food shopping. She’s about my height; she’s got long and silky chocolate brown hair that’s pulled back into a messy bun. I realize that I’m staring at her with as much focus as she is at those Gushers. She feels my eyes and returns to reality, she glances at me. A subtle smirk spreads across her face as she looks me and my wine bottles up and down.

“The bigger the bottle the bigger the problem huh?” She jokes. 

“No bottle will solve this problem but at least it’ll make me forget about it.”

 She chuckles and walks away. I buy my wine bottles and go home to forget what day it is. 

Listen, I won’t lie, I like to party. I love day drinking. But cracking open a fresh bottle of wine the size of a bowling pin at 10 am by myself after realizing I may never live to see tomorrow is new for me. I can’t say I hate it. I sit on the couch. The News 12 anchor-bitch is still blabbering about the family cookout-- that is supposed to take place tomorrow-- too bad. I drunkenly type away on my laptop. Scouring the darkest corners of the internet to find out anything about time loops that exist outside of science fiction. Turns out, not many people who find themselves in my situation take to Reddit to write about it... I take notes from the Twilight Zone subreddit because at this point I’m desperate for answers. My quest for information bears no fruit. 

I did learn that a time loop is different from a causal loop, which would occur because of a previous event. My situation however, is anomalous and is unrelated to anything as far as I know. I’ve started a fresh note on my laptop titled “The Best Day Forever! :)).” This is where I dump everything I know about the situation. 

So far, I know that this loop resets but I don’t know the interval or the trigger. Things that I interact with seems to stay the same with the exception of people, they don’t remember our interactions. The coffee I made the first go around was still in the pot when I went for coffee round 2. People and things outside of my control reset as if they’re characters in a video game who have a script and a path. I begin thinking, dangerous thinking. 

“Why is this happening? Why to me?” I ask aloud as if someone is going to answer me. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got an answer from some omniscient voice. 

“What is the point of all of this?” I ask out loud again. Then I begin to think of everything I had done leading up to the moment I woke up on the morning of July 23rd the first time. My memory is extremely fogged, almost non-existent. I’m struggling to produce even the vaguest memory of anything that happened before Saturday. Was it raining yesterday? Did I even leave my house yesterday? I don't know. 

Come to think of it I don't remember much of anything before Saturday. I don’t know how I got this house. I don't know who Iz and Cree are except that we’re friends and have wine nights pretty often--though they have been less frequent for some reason. I don’t know Carter…But I do. 

It’s as if these memories were fabricated. I remember the facts. I, Phoenix, own this house in this pacific northwestern town and I am a barista at a local coffee shop. I moved to this town after graduating-- in hopes to pursue my dream of opening my own shop and building a house in the forest. Anything beyond that is smudged. I can make out the memory if I hyper-focus. But even then it’s just the blueprint of a life, details are scarce. I’m spiraling, existential crisis mode has initiated and now I’m just stressed out and drunk at 1 in the afternoon. I need air.

 I step outside and check my phone. The time is exactly 1:27 pm and a blue Subaru drives down my road with a big old husky hanging out the window living his best life. I start down the road towards the forest.

[sweet-little-bird-fanfic]

YOUNG K - Pure Desire

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

Summary: A young writer that’s struggling with her work until she crosses paths with an intense and fated new type of inspiration; An inspiration called: YOUNG K!

Genre: Fanfic; Romance; Smut (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Warnings: Swearing? 

Chapter 2- Game Threat

Violet

When I woke up, I felt like I was dying. My head hurt, my eyes were barely open and my body was moving in slow motion. I looked around outside my room and found the house really quiet, I assumed my brothers were still deep asleep so I walked downstairs to the kitchen as silently as possible.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat on the counter as I drank it. I saw the plastic bags of socks and sweets I bought yesterday on the kitchen table and choked in a laugh. I didn't even remember how I got home last night, but that would eventually come back to me. My brain just needed some time to process, so no worries!

As I enjoyed my early warm drink, I heard people chatting from outside the house. I tried to look out the window but (big bro) Kim Jii's car was blocking the view, which probably meant the boys ordered some breakfast out and went to collect it.

- How dare you bring a delicious breakfast home, when I have a hangover?! - I said as they walked into the kitchen, but for my surprise, I didn't only see my brothers.

I saw DAY6.

- Oh! DAY6! - I looked at my big brother - You're working this early?

- Some people say our brain erases the painfully embarrassing moments. - Kim Jii said with a mocking face and an accusatory voice - Were you that traumatized last night?

- Nah, just too drunk. Sorry! - I laughed as I got off the counter and bowed to DAY6 - It's a pleasure to meet you.

I looked at them and accidentally locked eyes with Young K for more than I should've had. I could feel my heart skip a beat and looked away as fast as my brain processed. "God, are you having a fangirling attack? Get hold of yourself!"

- You've met them yesterday. - Kim Jii said whilst enjoying the situation.

- Noona, you don't remember? - Kim Joon (baby bro) asked somehow awkwardly.

My face started to feel extremely hot even before I remembered what happened. Before I looked in his direction, my body could sense his eyes burning my skin. But It was when our eyes met once again, that everything came back to me and the image, sensation and reality of the hug from last night hit my body like a truck. As Young K looked into my eyes, it was as if I was still holding him tight between my arms, as if I could still feel his warm and tough arms around me for just a mere second. And even though his luscious smell was now just a memory, it was as if it was still invading my senses at that moment.

- It has something to do with Young K, doesn't it? - I said trying to pretend I still couldn't remember - Did I give you weird socks too? I'm so generous!

- No. You gave me a hug, actually. - Young K stated the facts bluntly, with no hesitation and without releasing me from his intense glance, as a playful smile appeared on his charming face.

I felt my knees getting weaker with the smiley view and I desperately tried to search for a solution to get away from this situation. Unfortunately, I had an incredible talent to be a philosopher:

- The universe wanted me to give you a hug. And the drunk me is even more generous than I thought. So feel blessed! - I said as I gesticulated some weird movements with my hands - I deeply apologise for my behaviour last night, but I'll now have to retire and take a shower. It was a pleasure to meet you all! - I said as I run away from the kitchen and left them behind as fast as I could.

I rushed upstairs to my room, as I locked the door I slid against it and sat on the floor in disbelieve. How could I have done something like that? No! How could I have forgotten about it, even if it was just for just a few minutes? The sensation of touching him and being touched by him was rushing through my body, and my face was so hot that I was afraid it could actually explode from the embarrassment. I shook my head trying to get the memory out of my mind and stood up to notice that I was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

I told myself that I shouldn't look in the mirror, that it would only make me feel worst but I couldn't fight it. When I stared at my reflection, I didn't look terrible, I was a disgrace: my hair was a mess, my lips were dry, my eyes were swollen and my dark circles were as big as a hippopotamus butt.

- No, no, no, no! Why is this happening to me? - I held my face in my hands - I can't believe they saw me like this! Especially, after the drunk hug thing!

After admiring my morbid appearance and trying to convince myself that what happened last night wasn't something that bad, I picked some clothes from my closet and placed them on my bed. I needed a shower to wash my soul and to let go of all the shame that was hunting me. So, I grabbed my skin lotion from the shelf and headed to the bathroom. I made sure to lock the door to avoid any more dramatic situations.

I didn't take a really long shower, but the hot water running through my body made me relaxed enough. The more I tried to forget about the hug, the more I thought about it! But what was done was done and I didn't plan to look like I did something wrong, I had to be strong and to find a way to hide my guilt.

Maybe I wouldn't even see him again, maybe they would be gone by the time I was all dressed up. "Yes, that's it. They'll be gone already!" I thought relived for a second, but then my stomach twisted in terror when I looked around and didn't see my clothes in the bathroom. I must have had left them on my bed and now I was stuck in a tiny towel! I couldn't go out like this, what if anyone saw me? "No, it's fine. They're gone!" But what if I dropped the towel on my way to the bedroom and someone saw? "They're gone. They went to work! Yeah."

I was lost in fake positivism and bad possibilities. I placed my ear against the door and tried to listen to any sign of life outside the bathroom. I called out to my little brother, but I got no answer and so, since I couldn't hear anything, I unlocked the door and peeked outside. "All clear!" I thought to myself as I walked out and looked at the stairs to make sure no one was coming. But, when I looked forward and was about to feel relieved, I bumped into someone and panicked. With the sudden impact, I let go of a weird noise as my towel got loose and was about to fall. But that's when he pulled me against him as he placed his hands on my back and stopped it from tumbling down.

- Is something wrong, why did you scream? - Young K asked.

My legs were trembling and I didn't even have to face him to know it was Young K. His scent invaded and petrified me, his hands set my back on fire and even though I was feeling hot, I shivered with the feeling of his breath against my ear when he spoke:

- I stopped it from falling, am I supposed to grab your towel too? - He smiled and laughed slightly when he didn't get a reply or a reaction from me - This is not only hard for you, you know?

I finally looked into his eyes and blinked sceptic to his choice of words and attitude. "Big mistake!"

When our eyes met, I could feel myself melting into his deep brown eyes filled with excitement and thirst.

- Can you close your eyes? - I begged - Just in case...

- Sure. - He said biting his tongue.

I looked down and grabbed my towel with my hand to make sure it wouldn't fall when he would let go of me. And as I looked up, my cheeks started to burn even more than where his hand were touching, he was staring at me the whole time! What if the towel had fallen?!

- Sorry, I had to check if the universe wanted me to see you naked. - He copied me and left with a naughty smile spreading on his lips.

I hurried to my bedroom and saw him getting into the games' room from the corner of my eye. I shut the door abruptly and kicked my bed unnecessarily just to end up hurting my little finger. As I dressed my forgotten clothes and brushed my hair quickly, I could hear my brothers and the famous boys speaking ridiculously loud behind the few walls that separated us.

I didn't even know why they were all there, but I couldn't even care about it. Because Young K's words kept echoing in my mind and I could feel myself about to explode. How could he speak to a stranger like that? He didn't seem to be a womanizer, so why was he messing around with me?

- You hugged him... and showed up in front of him wearing a towel. - I said to myself - But still! It doesn't make sense!

I struggled before leaving the room, but finally found the courage to face them (him). I was going to apologise and understand what was going on in my own house.

- I'm sorry to disturb you, but can someone explain to me why you're here? - I asked as I walked in the games' room and saw some mattresses and blankets everywhere.

The games' room is the place my brothers conquered as their territory and it usually just had a sofa, a big television, ps4 and all types of games there is. But for some reason, it was looking like a camping zone. I looked at Kim Jii (big bro) in confusion and waited for my answer.

- I messed up... and I had to bring work home. - He said as if he was talking about adopting a stray dog from the streets.

- Care to be a little more precise, please? - I said as I patiently sat on the sofa.

Kim Jii looked like a child asking for one more piece of chocolate as he proceeded to explain the situation, whilst all members of DAY6 looked at me in expectation, except for Young K, that had a curious look on his face.

It seemed that Kim Jii was in charge of getting a place for the band, but unexpectedly and even though the contract and all the papers were ready, the house remodel wasn't. There were still some works to be done in the kitchen and bathrooms. And because my brother mixed up some dates, the talented boys left the old previous house before the new one was ready.

- I get it. So they spent the night over because you couldn't find a better solution in such a short notice.

- Yes, but... - Kim Jii was interrupted by Jae.

- Actually, we have to stay for more than one night.

- Don't say it like that! - Wonpil said as he gently touched Jae's arm.

- It's because your brother will get in trouble if he has to find another place for us. - Sungjin spoke politely - His mistake will be noticed and he might...

- Seriously, working with celebrities must be so scary! - I said honestly - I know the house is mine, but I consider it ours. You can have as many guests as you want, Kim Jii. But I have one condition!

All of them looked a bit nervous as they didn't know what to expect. It's not like I would ask them to pay rent and even if I did, they could probably afford it better than anyone else I knew.

- Can we start over and forget all the incidents that happened? - I looked directly to Young K as I spoke, I could hear affirmative responses from everyone else but that wasn't what I really needed.

- I don't feel like it. - Young K replied with a provoking smile.

- Oh, come on! - Dowoon and Wonpil said in unison.

- She was drunk and already said sorry. It was just a hug! - Jae defended me.

- But there's nothing to be sorry about, really. - He laughed - I didn't mind any of it, nor regret it!

- Shhh... see he's fine with your hug, he'll keep it as a souvenir and the rest of us will forget about anything you want. - Jae spoke friendly and made me feel a bit better.

I smiled and even made some jokes to try to make things look normal, but I could feel his eyes provoking my self-control. It was going to be an interesting month.

***

After everyone left the house, I had the opportunity to try to put myself together. It wasn't working really well, so I was trying to distract myself whilst cleaning and organising the games' room and arrange it to be comfortable as much as possible, so 5 pretty boys could sleep in there for a month.

That room was ridiculously spacious and the few pieces of furniture that used to adorned it, made it look even bigger (now it just looked like a messy big room with improvised beds everywhere). I moved all the mattresses to one side of the room and put the sofa and television on the other. I made their beds with fresh sheets and blankets, placed towels from different sizes at the end of each one of them. I was tempted to leave one with no towels, but I wouldn't know which one would Young K sleep on.

My head was starting to wander off, thinking about strong arms holding me against a hard body when my phone vibrated:

BIG BRO: U need to sell your secret, you'll get richer with this than with your books! ME: What secret? (it hurts. not funny. leave my books alone) BIG BRO: The secret of "how to conquer kpop idols"

My heart started beating really fast, was he talking about Young K? He wouldn't have told my brother what happened in the morning, right? It was an accident and I wanted to desperately stop thinking about it.

ME: What? BIG BRO: How to conquer FOUR kpop idols, to be exact! ME: wait 4... what? I'm lost BIG BRO: They keep talking about you... WAY TO GO, VIRGIN GIRL! SO WILD 😏 ME: IM NOT VIRGIN!!! What are they saying? What do you mean!?!?!??!?!?! BIG BRO: Sorry it was a typo... I meant NotVeryMuchExperienced* girl Whenever YOUNG K mocks you, Dowoon, Jae, Wonpil and Sungjin start defending you xD IT'S HILARIOUS Young K is gonna be my bias from now on ME: He can't be your bias!!!! BIG BRO: Why? Is he yours? Does that mean he's taken... Sorry I don't know how this works xD ME: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! WHY AREN'T YOU SIDING WITH THE ONES WHO ARE DEFENDING ME!? They're angels! I love them. I'm gonna build a statue of each one of them. BYE!!! BIG BRO: Bye, I have to go talk to my bias ME: ... didn't ask anything BIG BRO: His smile is so cute. Do you want a pic? ME: NO! I can ask google for it and MR GOOGLE WILL NEVER BETRAY ME! SO, BYE. BIG BRO: ooh this is so fun! I found a new hobby ... by the way, I just texted to ask if you could do me a favour 😇 ME: ... the answer is no. BIG BRO: I'll send you a shopping list in a bit, okay? ME: ... fine. BIG BRO: Thanks! I love you almost as much as I love Young K ME: IF I didn't know you better, I would think you were gay BIG BRO: You know damn well why I'm teasing ME: ?? BIG BRO: GOD, you're so cute sometimes ME: You're scaring me. BIG BRO: Never mind, maybe it's just my instinct playing tricks

It didn't take long until Kim Jii (big bro) sent me a shopping list. A very detailed list. I guessed all those things were for the boys, to make them feel at home.

Without realising, I spent all the afternoon shopping. When I finally got home, I left all the purchased items on the kitchen counter so they could organise them as they wished and landed on the sofa to rest for a bit. I barely had shut my eyes when I heard Kim Joon (little bro) opening the front door.

- Noona, did you eat? - He said before I let myself fall asleep for a few minutes.

When I woke up I felt warm and had a blanket covering me. As I heard voices coming from the kitchen I followed them wrapped in the heavy red cover.

All the boys were in the kitchen, the brothers and the famous ones too. They were eating some snacks that I had bought earlier. I purposely sat on a chair that I wouldn't have to face Young K.

- Did you just arrive? - I asked them with a sleepy smile.

- It's been 30 minutes. - Jae said holding his laugh whilst looking at my figure.

- Did we wake you up? - Wonpil asked kindly.

- Naah, I wasn't sleeping.

- You were snoring though. - Kim Jii (big bro) joked.

- Ah, ah! I'm gonna pray that's not true. By the way boys, I've organised some things in the house for you. The second floor's bathroom is all yours! And I tried to make the games' room look like someone could sleep in it. - I said as Young K sat next to me drinking some juice.

- Thanks. - Young K said with a sly suspicious smirk - That bathroom is for us, you don't want it?

- You can have it. - I said looking in the opposite direction.

- It's the bathroom you came from in the morning, right? - He asked laughing as I looked at him shocked.

Even though he was covering his mouth with his hand I could see the satisfaction in his eyes for teasing me and being able to provoke me as easy as that. No one seemed to notice any malicious meaning behind his words, but I could feel his blazing intentions through all my skin.

- Why are you being like this? - Sungjin asked a bit confused but at the same time amused.

- She's being considered! - Dowoon defended.

- I mean, I think she's kinda being nice to help her bother but... - Jae said playing.

- She's being nice still! - Wonpil agreed with Dowoon.

- I think she's not being nice. Her room is right next to that bathroom, maybe she's being nautg....- Jae covered Young K's mouth so he couldn't finish what he was about to say.

- She even had to give us the games' room, so shut it!

- Ahah! It's alright, I'm not good at games and I don't use that room much. I'm not being nice because of my brother, I simply want you to feel welcome and comfortable here. And I'm sure my brother will fix the house problem in no time. Plus if he gets fired, he can't pay the rent! - I said as normal as possible, trying to ignore what that teasing boy said - Well, that's me for the night. Goodnight, if you need anything bother the idiot bro.

When I stood up my arm accidentally bumped into Young K's shoulder. Since I was wrapped in a gigantic blanket I couldn't really control my movements. I looked in his direction and bowed apologetically and to my surprise, he didn't say a word. Instead, he softened the blanket by caressing my back and bowed his head slightly in response. My heart beat so fast, that I walked out of the kitchen as fast as possible in fear someone could actually be able to hear it.

I locked myself in my bedroom and hid under the pile of blankets and sheets of my bed, the time would go by and I was still wide awake. I couldn't stop thinking about a certain someone. To be honest, at the beginning it was my fault since I hugged him but now?! ... Now, it certainly wasn't. Okay, that I forgot my clothes in the morning, but he was the teasing, naughty, scandalous, disgraceful shocking big idiot here! Not me! I was innocent and I could feel my soul be shaken away by this beautiful sinful piece of heaven.

It was 2 AM and I couldn't sleep.

I got out of my blanket fortress and shivered due to the difference in temperature. I walked down to the kitchen to make some tea in hope of calming myself down and find a way to fall asleep.

As I enjoyed my hot camomile tea, my biggest and newest weakness walked in: Young K in pyjamas. His hair looked more voluminous than before, probably from rolling around in bed. And his expression was hard to read, he looked different than before. It was as if he was being careful with every move he took when our eyes met and I swear I saw him look away for a slip second nervously as he gulped. "Fuck that Adam's apple!"

- Can't sleep? - He asked avoiding my eyes.

- I was working. You? - I lied and tried to avoid my own thoughts.

- I can't sleep. - Young K said as he locked my eyes with his.

The way he looked at me made me shiver even more. The thought of being in pyjamas without a bra suddenly hit me and I abrupt and unnaturally crossed my arms over my chest to hide my hard nipples.

- So... - I said too loud - Want some tea?! It always puts me sleep.

- Sure. Please... - He said sighting and observing my crossed arms.

- Oooooo...kay - I said in the most awkward way possible to imagine.

I stood up and went to get a mug from the cabinet to serve him some tea. When I stretched my hand to get it from the second shelf, I was ridiculously nervous and I could barely think straight.

I placed the mug on the table and focused on pouring hot water in it to make his tea.

- Do you want sugar? It's next to the coffee machine.

I saw him searching for it and coming in my direction. As I dipped the tea bag in the water, I felt his body against mine and saw his hands on the kitchen table blocking me from running away. I involuntary groaned in a high pitch voice and turned around. "Big mistake!"

There was barely any space between us and his breath was cutting my lips open. To try to create some distance, I innocently placed the mug between us.

- Did you get excited whilst working? - he asked as his eyes stared down at my chest for a short moment and came back to mine with an intense, feverish burning shade.

- I'm cold! - I said as I tried to escape from his arms in vain.

He took the mug from my hands, placing it next to us as he tried to decrease the space that was still separating us. I felt my legs starting to give away as his breath started to feel warmer on my skin. I placed my hand on his large chest in the attempt to sustain myself and at the same time stopping him from coming closer. Which was useless, since he easily grabbed it and put it out of the way to slowly kiss it. He pushed himself against my body and I inevitably sat on the kitchen table trying to get away from his dominance. "A bigger mistake."

- Were you thinking about me? - he bit his lips as he stared at mine - Was that why you couldn't sleep, Violet?

My breath started to accelerate and I could feel myself losing control when he said my name. I tried to look at something that wasn't him, but Young K was glued to me and I didn't stand a chance.

- I was working.

- You're a terrible liar, Violet. - Young K said those heavy words against my ear as he spread my legs open with his bare hands through my skin and tinny pyjamas shorts, pulling me closer and biting my earlobe.

I squeezed his shoulders and tried to hide my face against his neck, trying to adjust my shorts into the right place, that were now rolled up and hardly covering much skin. As his scent violated my senses, he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me even closer to make me wrap my legs around him.

- What are you do... - I tried to ask not really sure if I'm asking myself or him, either way, he interrupted me.

- Earlier... - Young K marked within a gasping breath as he placed his right hand on my neck - You said you weren't good at games. Shall I teach you?

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

A/N: Next chapter will be written in our Young K's point of view. We'll get to see what's going through his head eheh

[their-destinys-writer]

Caged - Chapter 8

Rated: Teen

Chapter: 8/?

Word Count: 8,033

Ao3 / FFnet / Wattpad

Chapter 8 - Damage Control

A bright light shone over Marinette’s bed, but that wasn’t what woke her up. Even though the girl turned off her alarm and decided to ignore it, her phone kept making incessant noises. Marinette pulled her sheets over her head, trying to drown it out.

It didn’t work.

With a loud groan, the girl threw the sheet to the side, grabbing the cursed brick.

“What’s making so much…noise…” she trailed off, jaw hanging. A hundred and thirty-seven messages! From who?!

She immediately pressed the texting application, and saw tons of messages from unsaved phone numbers. Strangers. She scrolled down, looking at the previews of them.

Hey, I dont care wut ppl r saying…

You don’t deserve wat’s happeni…

Could you tell Chat Noir to visit…

You two are together, aren’t you?

I ain’t believing ur stupid attenti…

Hey, if anyone’s sending you ba…

“Maman!” Marinette ran down to the kitchen, where Sabine had just placed a plate of croissants on the counter.

“What is it, dear?” she asked, startled. Marinette shoved the phone to her face.

“I don’t know any of these people!” she practically yelled in her panic, quickly biting into her lip apologetically. After a quick scolding look at her daughter, Sabine took the phone in her hands to look it over. Marinette started fiddling with her fingers.

“Have you given your number to anyone recently?” Sabine asked, to which Marinette shook her head. The woman sighed before handing the phone back. “We’ll get you a new one when you get off class today.”

“Why is this happening?” Marinette pleaded miserably.

“We’ll figure it out, sweetie, I promise.” Sabine stroke her daughter’s bangs and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. “For now, get ready for school. Okay?”

“Okay…” Although there was a slight sense of panic still lingering, her mother’s warmth helped her regain enough composure to think clearly. Calmer now, she climbed back up to her room, where Tikki was waiting on the desk, munching on a chocolate cookie.

“Wha’ ‘appen’?” she asked with a mouthful of the sweet snack. Marinette went ahead to tell her, giving the phone to her little friend.

“Now my parents are gonna have to change my number. This is ridiculous! How did this even happen?” The designer was pacing around the room at this point, flailing her arms.

“Any idea who it could have been?” Tikki questioned, looking through the different numbers that contacted her charge, her cookie left forgotten to the side.

“It could have been anyone! A friend, a classmate, a client, someone who I don’t know who happened to have stumbled on my number, somewhere.” Marinette let out a loud breath. “This just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?”

“Mmm,” Tikki hummed. Marinette’s brows furrowed when she realized the kwami was distracted, her blue eyes squinting at the phone screen. Before she asked, though, Tikki spoke. “There’s a number that sent several messages. And they’re pretty positive, too.”

The girl snatched her phone to read the supposed positive messages. They started at six forty-five. And they were… nice.

Hey. Nice to meet you. Sort of. I just wanted to say you’re pretty brave and cool.

Hey, me again. I saw some people comment that they were going to tell you mean things, so I wanted to tell you to not listen to them. They’re just jealous.

Hey. I must be getting annoying, but the others are probably more annoying. Please don’t listen to them. They’re jerks. I think you’re amazing.

The messages continued in the same manner, telling her to not listen to the others and complimenting her on both her personality and looks. Marinette couldn’t help but smile. There was something about the messages that seemed very familiar.

They reminded her of Chat, when he was not in his pun-loving self. When he wasn’t being so extra. Could it be? She wondered. This person was the only one to keep texting her, so… maybe. The thought was enough to replace her anger with fondness, and motivating her to start getting ready for school.

After finishing up and eating breakfast, Marinette prepared to exit through the bakery. She knew that no matter which exit she decided to take, there would still be reporters, so may as well take the shorter route. Taking a deep breath, she swung the door open and shot right through the horde of reporters standing outside.

Luckily, the traffic light was red, so Marinette was able to sprint across the street and run up the school entrance stairs, skipping a few steps in the process. Reaching the large door, she threw herself in, like she had just reached home base in a baseball game, skidding across the floor. The move earned her a few odd stares from nearby students, but thankfully no comments. Except for one.

“Now that’s what I call an entrance.”

Marinette raised her head and was met by a pair of orange Gabriel high top shoes. She could feel her face becoming hot as her eyes traveled up to meet Adrien’s amused expression.

“Need a hand?” he chuckled, extending his hand towards her. Marinette gulped. Well, at least he found it funny, she miserably tried to comfort herself, accepting his help. “Sorry I didn’t help you this morning, but after yesterday… well, I didn’t wanna make it worse.”

“N-no, it’s fine,” Marinette assured him, dusting off her clothes. “That wasn’t your fault.”

Just then, her phone rang out. It had already made the notification sound several times since she got out of the bakery, but the run had distracted her from them. She was about to ignore it, but another message arrived, which prompted a growl from the girl.

“What’s up?” Adrien tilted his head.

“Somehow, the whole world has my stupid number, and now I’m getting texts like crazy,” she said as she scrambled to get the phone out of her pocket.

“Oh yeah, I noticed it this morning,” the model pointed out. Marinette stopped tapping on her phone to stare at the boy. So he elaborated: “Someone posted it on the Ladyblog forums. I tried to comment, but when I pressed ‘send’, it said the post no longer existed and the forums were closed. I think it’s safe to assume Alya was not happy about it.”

Marinette growled again.

“Good to know the source. Any chance you know who it was?”

“No, sorry,” Adrien responded with a shrug of his shoulders. “Most posters are anonymous or have a username.”

“Greeeaaat,” Marinette groaned. There went her plans on finding the culprit. She looked back at her phone and noticed the most recent message was from the positive person. The possible Chat? She wondered. Without thinking it twice, she tapped on the text.

Hey, again. Just want to wish you a good day in school. Hope people don’t bother you too much.

A smile tugged at her lips once again. She bit her lip, hesitating for a moment, but ultimately deciding on tapping on the response box.

Hi stranger. Thank you for all the positive messages. They have made this morning easier. I don’t know you, but—

“I thought you were irritated with the texts.”

Marinette squeaked and flailed an arm, accidentally hitting Adrien on the face. Who had moved to stand behind her.

“S-sorry, I—” but she stopped, registering something as he rubbed his nose. “Were you reading my text?”

The reaction was instantaneous. The model stiffened, his cheeks turned a rosy color, and his hand went up to the nape of his neck.

“I-I didn’t mean too,” he said quickly, almost mushing the words together. “Sorry, you just looked to happy…”

Marinette blinked. “Huh?”

Adrien cleared his throat and straightened his posture. “Not everyone giving you a hard time?”

“Oh, no,” Marinette shook her head. “There’s this one person who’s actually been pretty cool. They keep telling me a lot of nice things, and… I don’t know… Adrien?” She asked suddenly. Adrien hummed in response. “Can I trust you?”

He smiled. “With your life.”

Marinette returned the gesture and finally voiced what had been in her mind the entire morning: “I think this person might be Chat Noir.”

There was a pause. Adrien arched an eyebrow.

“What?”

“This person keeps calling me stuff like amazing, brave, stuff that Chat Noir has actually called me. It reminds me of how he is when it’s just me, when he’s not trying to impress anybody.”

“I don’t think it’s him,” the model blurted out, narrowing his spring green eyes.

“You don’t know him like I do,” Marinette defended.

“Don’t you think Chat Noir would think it was a bad idea contacting you in his civilian self?”

“Well, Chat has a tendency of being reckless. Not that I can speak much better about myself lately, though.”

“Even so, that seems like pushing it. Wouldn’t he be more… discreet?”

“What could be more discreet that an anonymous text to a number that was released to the public?”

Adrien opened his mouth, but after a moment of hesitation, he closed it. His brows furrowed, something processing in his mind.

“You actually have a point,” he whispered, so low that Marinette almost didn’t catch it. She beamed internally, basking in her small victory.

“Perhaps you should learn to give my chaton a little more credit, Agreste.”

“Your chaton?”

It took her a whole second for the question to properly register. MY CHATON?! Why did I just say that to Adrien?! And why did I call him Agreste?!

“N-not like that!” she hastily tried to correct. “It’s just a stupid nickname, he’s not actually mine. He’s my friend, t-that’s it. I-it’s a joke, but he’s not mine, mine. I-I don’t even know why I said that. We can’t even see each other because of our mess.” What are you talking about?! “N-not like I see you, heh.”

“Actually, father told me not to be seen with you.” Marinette halted her antics to stare at the blond. She expected him to look at least a little upset, but he actually seemed beyond amused.

“Oh,” she uttered. “I…I guess that makes sense. Your father is not one for scandals…”

“Yeah. But don’t worry Prin-uh Mari,” Adrien spoke with a chipper tone, despite the little rain cloud Marinette suddenly felt on top of her. “I’ll still help you through this whole thing and make sure you get off unscathed from this.”

The storm going on in the girl’s heart reached its eye, and a bewildered look took over her face.

“W-wait, I-I thought your father doesn’t want you hanging out with me.”

“Correction,” Adrien placed his hands on his back in mock innocence and leaned towards her. “He said he didn’t want me to be seen with you. Since he was talking about the tabloids at the time, I assume he simply meant in front of them.” He finished his sentence with a mischievous grin Marinette had never seen on the golden boy. He looked so…proud.

It was annoying.

“Since when are you such a rebel,” she crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow.

“Pfft, please,” Adrien shrugged. “I’ve always been a rebel. How do you think I traverse Paris without my bodyguard? This ca-uh-guy is no saint.”

Without meaning to, Marinette groaned. There was something about his current attitude that was so… so… exasperating. It reminded her so much of—

Her train of thought was cut short when she noticed the blond’s expression slightly shift to a warm smile.

“What?” she frowned. Adrien shook his head.

“You’ve just never been like this with me,” he spoke softly. Marinette squinted.

“What do you—”

“MARINETTE!”

The two turned to the source of the call, only to see Alya running their way.

“Girl, please tell me your phone hasn’t been bombarded with strangers,” she pleaded, slapping both her hands on the designer’s shoulders.

“Sorry, no such luck,” Marinette grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” the redhead sighed. “I tried to delete it as soon as I saw it, but it was too late. I spent all morning looking through the forums, but—”

The first bell of the day rang, signaling that it was almost time for class. The sound made Alya remember her surroundings and realize Adrien was standing there with them.

“Hey Adrien,” she waved. “Mind if I borrow Marinette for a little bit?”

“Sure, we gotta get to class anyway,” he reasoned as he adjusted his bag. “See you in class, Marinette.”

With one last wave, he headed off to class. Marinette awkwardly waved back, the strangeness of their conversation finally sinking. Did I just have a normal conversation with Adrien?

“Well, see you too,” Alya mumbled. It was then that it dawned on Marinette that Adrien barely acknowledged the presence of her best friend. But the thoughts were cut short as Alya started speaking louder know. “This is becoming a nightmare. I can’t believe somebody actually used my own blog against you!”

“Any idea who it was?” Marinette pleaded to her best friend, as they started walking towards their classroom.

“Not yet,” Alya responded. “But I will find out. Trust me.” The redhead shook a fist in the air. “Ooohhh, and when I do, whoever it was, I’m gonna kick their butt so hard, they’re gonna need a spaceship to get back on Earth.”

Despite the designer’s distress at the moment, the comment managed to get a giggle out of her. Sometimes she forgot how protective her best friend could get when it came to her.

“Anyway,” Alya continued after composing herself. “I got you an interview for an evening talk-show. You think you’re ready?”

Marinette nodded. “I’m ready. I wanna get this over with as soon as possible. ‘Cause it’s seriously getting ridiculous at this point!”

“I know!” Alya nodded vigorously, arms crossed. “Can you believe people have started stopping me in the streets to ask about you?” She changed her voice in mock of random citizens. “Is she with Chat Noir? What does he see in her? Can she contact me to Chat Noir? She’s a nobody! She’s so lucky! Uuuggghhh!”

Marinette winced at the image going through her head. She had almost forgotten the toll that it was probably taking on the reporter, too. And Adrien. And her parents. Uuuggghhh, why did I have to be so stupid?!

“Hey!” Alya broke Marinette out of her self-deprecating internal freak out. “Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up. And don’t tell me you weren’t, ‘cause I’d know that face anywhere.” The redhead placed an arm around the bluenette’s shoulders. “Remember: I chose to help you, knowing full well you’re prone to disaster. I knew what I was getting myself into.”

Alya gave her friend a soft, encouraging smile, accompanied by a light squeeze. Marinette returned the gesture.

“Thanks, Alya. So, when and where is the interview?”

“Tomorrow, at the TVi studio building.”

“Wait,” Marinette raised a palm, “you mean in the same building Chat and I messed up?”

“The one and only,” Alya nodded.

Marinette groaned. She had been hoping to avoid the building as much as possible, leave it for last. But from the looks of it, her best friend thought the exact opposite.

“They were the first ones to respond,” Alya responded, as if she could read minds. “Plus, don’t you think it’s kinda poetic?”

“Or a bad omen,” Marinette sighed.

“Chill, girl,” Alya wrapped an arm around the pig-tailed girl as they headed to class. “I’ll coach you tonight, and you’ll do great.”

“Tonight?!” Marinette choked. Tonight it was her turn to patrol. “I-I got stuff to work on. Maybe tomorrow at lunch?”

“Hmm,” Alya pondered. “Fine, but at least practice a little tonight?”

“I will.”

“Great. So,” the redhead’s tone turned to a teasing one, “you and Adrien seem closer lately.”

“Whatta you mean?” Marinette frowned, bewildered.

“Well, first he rescued you from a bunch of reporters, then he went nuts looking for you after yesterday’s akuma attacked, then he defended you against Chloé, his childhood friend, and this morning, I find you guys actually talking,” the redhead concluded.

Marinette’s eyes became round. With all that had been going on in the last few days, she hadn’t noticed Adrien’s sudden closeness with her. It wasn’t like before, where he simply tried to form short, random conversations. He seemed to be deliberately looking for her. Sure, it could easily be attributed to Chat’s slip up about her crush… But what does that mean? Does… Does it mean that he likes me?

Her heart started drumming hard on her chest, but not exactly how she expected it. It didn’t feel right. It felt like it was partly dread making it run. Why would she feel dread? Isn’t this what I’ve wanted this whole time?

“Maybe Chat Noir did you a favor, after all,” Alya continued, patting Marinette’s shoulder. “Maybe Adrien hearing that you like him was the push he needed.”

“I guess,” the blue-haired girl whispered.

“Girl, are you okay?” Marinette raised her gaze to meet Alya’s hazel one. She shook her head and nodded to her best friend, assuring her that everything was great. While the reporter looked unconvinced, she was nice enough not to question as they entered the classroom.

Why do I feel like this? She thought. I should be happy. There’s a chance Adrien is finally seeing me as more than just a friend. So why am I not happy? Why do I feel dread? Am I just scared? It could be… Yeah, that has to be it. I’m scared, which is a very normal reaction. Yeah… that has to be it.

Yet something still felt wrong about her statement. It felt both familiar and alien to her. But as they sat on their desk, Marinette dismissed the thoughts. She already had enough on her plate. She didn’t need to add ‘boy trouble’ into it.

Classes went by as usual. Thankfully, most classmates seemed to have gotten the questions out of their system, making Marinette glad, for once, that she accepted answering them. Of course, things still weren’t exactly the same: someone had still released her phone number for the whole Internet to see.

Although midday arrived pretty quickly for Marinette, what came next, made the next hour feel like an eternity.

The second Mrs. Mendelev left the classroom, everyone started picking up their bags to follow suite. But none managed to even get near the door before Alya ran head first to it and shut it. Everyone stared. Kim and Alix, the only ones who had gotten up already, stopped on their tracks. Alya squinted menacingly.

“No one leaves this room, yet.” Her hazel eyes shifted from classmate to classmate, watching each one carefully. “Alix, Kim, get back to your seats.”

The two didn’t need to be told twice. They weren’t exactly scared of the redhead, but from experience, they knew that when the reporter set her mind to something, it was best to stay out of her way.

“I need to use the ladies room,” Chloé demanded from her desk.

“Your makeup session can wait,” Alya narrowed her gaze to the blonde. Chloé scoffed and crossed her arms, but said no more. Alya took a deep breath.

“I,” she started walking to the front of the classroom, “wanna know who was it.” Her fists landed on her hips.

Everyone stared. Some shifted uncomfortably, confused. Kim and Max exchanged looks. Chloé’s nails started tapping her desk, while her head rested on her other palm. Slowly, Rose lifted her hand in the air.

“Yes, Rose?”

“Who did what?” she pipped up.

“Who put Marinette’s phone number on the Ladyblog forums?” Alya cleared up. A few made noises of understanding, while others groaned in annoyance.

“Oh, this I wanna know,” Alix muttered, punching a fist to her open hand.

“Who cares?” Chloé said loudly. “It’s not like Marinette minds the attention.”

“We’re not getting into this again, Chlo,” Adrien quickly intervened. The spoiled girl scoffed again, but did not retaliate. She didn’t seem too keen on the idea either, considering the entire class ended up yelling at her last time.

“Seriously guys,” Alya drew the attention back to her. “I know for a fact not many have Marinette’s number, and most of them are in this class, and we need to start ruling out people. Anybody who has her number, raise your hand.”

Without missing a beat, almost the entire class raised their hands. All except Adrien, Chloé and… wait…

“What are you doing,” Chloé silently hissed at Sabrina, pulling her arm down. Marinette’s eyes narrowed at the exchange.

Alya seemed to have noticed too, because she stepped up to the girls’ desk, crossing her arms.

“Sabrina,” she said carefully, “do you have Marinette’s phone number?”

“N-no!” she squeaked. “I-I don’t have it. N-never have.”

“That’s a lie!” Marinette suddenly burst, standing up from her chair. Her classmates stared at her in surprise, but she didn’t care. Her vision had turned red. She knew. Oh, she knew. What was more, it wouldn’t be the first time the two girls did something of the likes.

She stomped down to their desk and slammed her hands on it. Alya had even stepped back to allow her the space. Marinette glared down at the blonde and the ginger.

“I know for a fact Sabrina has my phone number, ‘cause she called me a gazillion times when we had to do a project together,” she explained, her bluebells shifting between the two as she spoke. Then, she narrowed them to Chloé. “And we both know she often ends up doing your dirty work…” They glared at each other for a moment, the blonde doing so daringly. Daring Marinette to say it. And said it, she did: “It was you, wasn’t it?”

Chloé gasped dramatically, a hand on her chest.

“How dare you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”

“Oh, cut the theatrics!” Marinette snapped. “If there’s anything I’ve learned from you, is that you’re capable of anything. So just admit it.”

There was a moments pause, where the entire class held its breath. It was already pretty common for the two girls to butt heads often, but this was a whole new level. None, not even Alya, had ever seen Marinette so furious.

At last, Chloé huffed.

“So what? It’s not like you mind the attention. I did you a favor.”

“I KNEW IT!” Marinette bellowed, just as she grabbed the blonde from her yellow jacket. “You little—”

“Marinette, that’s enough!” someone grabbed her shoulders from behind, but she didn’t budge. Her bluebells glared daggers into Chloé’s electric blue eyes. For once, Chloé actually looked scared of the small designer.

“You have any idea what I’ve been through this week?!” she continued yelling. “I’ve been publicly humiliated, all my commissions are on halt because of this mess and I almost lost a friend. Why do you always have to go out of your way to make my life even worse?!”

“Mari, stop!” someone else grabbed her by the arm, while the other person slipped his hand around her waist. Together, the two people succeeded in pulling her away from the Mayor’s daughter.

“LET ME GO!”

“STOP IT!”

The second scream came from the very back of the classroom. From the one that the students had learned to ignore, because they didn’t trust her. The other person who had not raised her hand when asked if they had Marinette’s phone number. Lila was standing up on her desk, using it as a stage, glaring at the scene in the front of the classroom.

“Just, stop it!” she repeated. Lila dropped down to the floor and stalked her way to the front. “You shouldn’t waste your time with her. She’s just a bully. She doesn’t deserve your attention.”

“Excuse me,” Chloé drawled to the Italian girl. “Nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I don’t need to be asked to defend someone from a bully looking to humiliate someone else.”

Marinette felt a pang in her heart. She knew exactly the source of her words: Lila knew what it was like to be humiliated by Ladybug. She slumped back to whoever was holding her by the waist, and the person grabbing her arm let go and stepped forward. Alya was now standing in front of her.

“She doesn’t need your help,” she growled. Marinette could only imagine she was still miffed about the girl lying on the Ladyblog. Lila looked the side, and was about to turn away.

“Wait!” Marinette blurted out. The redhead whirled to her in surprise, while Lila looked back at the pig-tailed designer. She took a deep breath. “You’re right.”

“She’s what?!” Alya and the guy holding her said in unison. Marinette felt her head finally clear, and was at last curious about the arm holding her in place. A hand wearing a silver ring.

“You think so?”

“Marinette,” Adrien warned to her ear, his breath making her body shudder and her heart skip a beat. Why did it feel so familiar?

She cleared her throat to respond.

“Look, I know everyone has every reason to mistrust her—”

“That’s an understatement.” Nino crossed his arms, glaring and the exchange student.

“She lied about Prince Ali,” Rose pipped up once again from the back. Looking around the classroom, Marinette realized Alix and Kim had stood up again.

“I say we kick Chloé’s butt. And Lila’s too, for good measure.” There was a murmur of agreement amongst the students, cut off by yet another scoff from the spoiled blonde on the front.

“Papa would get all of you suspended before you can even blink. At least Adrien still has my side, unlike you lot.”

“Chloé, I pulled Marinette away from you because I don’t want her to get suspended,” he corrected her. The girl’s expression deflated. “What you did was awful, and I don’t condone it.”

“Then you and I were doing for the same thing,” Lila spoke softly to the boy.

“I’m not gonna do anything!” Marinette interjected the conversation. “Goal achieved. Would you let me go, Adrien?”

It seemed the model had not realized he’d been holding her this entire time, for his cheeks became the reddest Marinette had ever seen. He quietly apologized and slipped his hand away.

It was probably the cutest she’d ever seen him. Yet… Why don’t I feel more nervous? Am I getting used to him? She shook her head, driving the thoughts away, just as she straightened her clothes.

“Come on, Alya,” Marinette implored, getting both hers and Alya’s backpacks from their desk. “We got work to do.” With a quick glance at Chloé, Lila and Adrien, she turned on her heels and yanked the door open. She didn’t even wait for her friend.

There was just too much in her mind. She was still angry at Chloé, but decided it would be best to not let those emotions take over. The last thing she needed was to become an akuma herself. She was also conflicted about Lila’s defense. Part of her felt like she didn’t deserve it, after how harsh she was to her as Ladybug. But another part of her saw it as a chance. Maybe she could redeem herself, and make sure Lila never lied again.

But above all, Marinette was confused about Adrien. She was still in love with him, she was sure. But there was something off today that she couldn’t quite place. Something both comfortable and alarming. She felt more herself with him, able to keep words coherent. Which was alarming in itself, because: since when? The question had been in the back of her mind since that morning, as much as she tried to keep it out. And she still had no answer for it.

Alya finally caught up to her, asking Marinette if she preferred sneaking to her home instead of the bakery, to avoid all the reporters. Marinette was grateful for her friend not asking any questions about what had just happened, instead offering her calm and serenity. As they both agreed, they headed off to Alya’s apartment for lunch.

It was Thursday evening, and saying Marinette was nervous was an understatement.

Marinette, Alya and Sabine arrived about thirty minutes early to the TVi studio. At first, the pig-tailed girl felt a little embarrassed about having her mom with her, but after seeing how she defended her honor a few times, she felt relief. It gave her a sense of security.

Once at the studio, they had time to familiarize themselves with some of the crew members, and as a plus, they got to see how the host treated his guests. So far, he seemed like a decent guy. But so was Nadja with her, until recently.

After a few minutes, they separated, Alya to speak with a few other crew members and Sabine to call Tom, updating him on everything in the studio. Meanwhile, Marinette stayed close to the stage, focused on the interviews happening before hers.

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” a tiny voice came from her purse. “You can do this, Marinette. You’re ready.”

Marinette smiled. “Thanks Tikki.” She took a deep breath, and started talking more to herself than to her kwami. “I can do this. It’s a piece of cake. I’m ready for this. It could be worse. It can’t get any worse.”

“Hey, Princess,” a cheerful voice purred behind her.

Marinette screamed, raising her arms and a leg defensively. A move that earned her a snort from the stray. Who was not supposed to be there. Again.

“Chat!” she reprimanded, taking a quick glance at her now-closed purse once her initial shock ceased. “What are you doing here?!”

“Nice to see you too,” he retorted with a smirk, hands behind his back. “Looks like we’ve been tricked again,” he leaned towards her. “We really need to work on our communication skills.”

This can’t be happening!

“Hey, don’t worry,” a clawed hand warmed her shoulder. Wait… Did I say that out loud? “We got this.”

She looked up to his beaming face, and a sense of security rushed through her. Well, he was her partner after all. Marinette returned the gesture and gave him a determined nod. The move relaxed the cat, but almost immediately, the same hand went up to the back of his neck.

“Uh, while we’re on the subject of tricking, you should probably tell that Adrien guy when you have interviews, too,” he said, nervously. Marinette’s brows furrowed, and Chat quickly continued. “I-I mean because, uh—if, um, they trick me like this, they could do the same to him, and—uh—I-I’m sure you don’t want that happening. Right?”

The moment the words registered, she stopped questioning his strange stammering and a sudden panic overtook her thoughts. A gasp escaped her lips, hands going up to her hair.

“They’re gonna drag Adrien into this!” she burst, teeth clenching. “They’re gonna be all over him! Oh no, and they’re gonna make him so uncomfortable! He’ll never, ever, ever, ever speak to me again!”

“Hey, hey, don’t worry,” Chat reached out for her wrists and slowly brought them down. “Everything’ll be fine. And I’m sure there’s no way Adrien could think any less of you. I know I wouldn’t.”

The simple gesture was enough to calm her nerves, and just as another smile was tugging at her lips, a loud clearing of someone’s throat popped the bubble Marinette hadn’t noticed the two of them had created between themselves. She hadn’t even noticed when Chat’s hands had slid down to hers.

The two quickly let go, turning to Alya. Marinette gave a nervous laugh, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. Next to her, Chat awkwardly waved.

“What are you doing here, cat-boy?” Alya reprimanded, fists on her hips.

And there he went again, with his hand on the back of his neck. A move that just got cuter each time he did it. Wait, cute? What do you mean cute? Marinette berated herself.

He’s cute when he does that. Can’t deny it, a voice in the back of her mind responded.

Yeah, if by cute you mean silly and ridiculous, yeah he’s cute, she tried to reasoned. But it brought no comfort. In fact, it brought the exact opposite. This wasn’t exactly news; she had admitted his good looks just a couple of days ago. Why did it feel different then?

“Marinette, you’re up in like five minutes. You can’t go on TV looking flushed,” Alya interrupted her thoughts. Marinette had been so engrossed in her inner confusion, she didn’t register the conversation Chat Noir and Alya had been having. A palm slapped to her cheek.

“Flushed?!” Unlike last time, she could actually feel heat on her round cheeks. Where the hell is this coming from?!

“Relax, girl,” Alya waved a hand dismissively. “You guys will do fine. Just need to go over a few things first.”

The redhead started reminding them of their last conversation about interviews, and Marinette used to opportunity to shoo away whatever those thoughts were earlier.

Sabine looked from afar towards the three teens. She had to admit it was a bit amusing seeing their exaggerated antics for the simplest things. More so, she could already see the closeness between her daughter and a pretty handsome boy. Honestly, she was a little disappointed that it wasn’t Adrien, but this kid treated her with such warmth and respect, she couldn’t help but like him, and hope for him joining the family someday. If he could.

She looked around to see if anyone was aware that a superhero had just walked into studio, when a flash of fuchsia hair caught her attention. There, amongst the crew members was Nadja, holding a microphone, looking for something. Until her brown eyes locked on Sabine’s grey ones.

Sabine huffed and turned away.

“Sabine!” Nadja called. The short woman turned her scowl to the reporter. She could tell the look cut through the reporter like a knife, sending cold chills down her spine. Nevertheless, she took a step forward and whispered: “Please…”

“What could you possibly want with my family now?” Sabine said coldly. “Do you want an autograph? Do you want my daughters baby pictures?”

“Sabine, I just wanted to apologize for what happened,” she spoke. Despite trying to keep a determined tone, there was a low shakiness to it. “But you have to understand that it’s my job.”

“Don’t give me that,” Sabine hissed. “Marinette is not some job. She’s my daughter, your daughter’s babysitter. You took advantage of our friendship and exploited a minor. Do you have no shame? Whatever happened to that young woman who swore would never sell her soul to corporate media?”

“You don’t understand,” Nadja almost pleaded, losing her composure. “It’s my job!”

“She’s my daughter!” Sabine retorted. “Thanks to you, she’s been through so much. She may be strong, but this is not something a normal fifteen-year-old should be dealing with!”

“I could’ve lost my job, you have to understand I have a little girl to feed,” the reporter continued trying to justify herself.

“Either way, you lost a babysitter,” Sabine scowled. Nadja took a step back.

“What?”

The small woman took a deep breath. “Nadja, you’re no longer welcomed in our home, and I will no longer allow Marinette watch over Manon,” she declared. “I am so disappointed in you,” Sabine whispered sadly and walked away towards her daughter, leaving a defeated looking Nadja.

As much as she loved her old friend, Nadja had crossed a line, and she wasn’t willing to forgive so easily.

Marinette tried her best to hide every time she shifted uncomfortably. She was too conscious about the fact that everyone, both the crowd and the cameras, could see every one of her movements.

But she had to get through it, one way or another.

I’m Ladybug, dammit, she repeated for the hundredth time already. I can do this.

“We go live in three, two…” the man behind the camera raised an index finger to signal the one, and then pointed to the host. The crowd started applauding as one of the cameras panned around the studio, and other two moved around the front of the stage, focused on the tanned man behind the desk.

“Welcome back to The Evening Show with Kudret, and we’ve reached our segment of the special interview of the night. Now, I’m sure most of you have dreamed of being saved by one of Paris’ own heroes, Ladybug and Chat Noir. But what are the odds of one of you saving them instead? For one civilian, the answer is two! Ladies and gentleman, give it up for The Girl who saved Chat Noir, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, accompanied by none other than superhero Chat Noir!”

A sign lit up with ‘applause’ written on it, and the crowd released the excitement they had been holding for a few minutes already. Marinette tried to make her smile as genuine as possible, but her mind kept travelling back to her amazement in all this. It boggled her how scripted the show was, despite being live. On the armchair next to her, Chat Noir enthusiastically waved. Pfft, leave it to him to show off.

“So tell me Marinette,” the man continued as the clapping died down. “How does it feel to be known as a hero?”

What an ironic question, Marinette thought, fighting back a laugh.

“I wouldn’t call myself a hero, Kudret,” she responded flawlessly, channeling her inner Ladybug. “I only happened to be at the right place, at the right time.”

“And Chat Noir, did you ever think you’d be saved by a civilian?”

Chat Noir blinked. It seemed that he had been distracted by something, so Marinette widened her eyes a little, in warning.

“Oh, well,” he shook his head, “I believe any civilian has the ability to be a hero. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s very dangerous. Best leave it to the professionals.” He pointed a thumb to himself, and Marinette resisted the urge to groan. Rule number one: know when to stay quiet.

“So, I must ask: rumors have been going around that you two know each other more than mere acquaintances; how true is that?”

The designer could feel a sliver of panic rise up her throat. She took a deep breath. Rule number two: control the stammering.

“We actually don’t know each other that well,” she responded, once again almost effortlessly. “It’s just very easy to interact with someone who has a mask and you think you’re not gonna see again.”

The first two minutes were actually pretty pleasant. Kudret was polite enough to ask proper questions. Most of them could be responded with either the truth or the story the two teens cooked up with Alya. But alas, it was not to last.

“So a few things came out on your interview in FMi last Monday, where Chat Noir mentioned that you like someone called Adrien, and from what our sources have gathered, you are classmates with none other than fashion icon Gabriel Agreste’s son, Adrien Agreste. Is he the boy Chat Noir was talking about?”

Moment of truth. Let’s see if I can pull this off.

“You know,” Marinette started, appearing amused. “This is all just one big misunderstanding. And I think I know how it happened.”

And she started telling the lie they had come up with, about Chat mistaking her love to the Gabriel brand. The words came out so smoothly, she almost believed it herself. Which she took as a good sign of her acting.

“That conversation makes so much sense now,” Chat feigned surprise. Not that the crowd knew that. “I was wondering why you kept talking about his clothes. I thought you just liked his sense of style. Should’ve recognized that star-struck look after seeing your reaction the first time you met me.”

Unexpected to Marinette, Chat Noir wiggled his eyebrows. The hand holding on to her purse tightened, as she fought back a groan. She strained a smile.

Rule number three: no bantering.

“Yeah,” she said through clenched teeth. “I was pretty star-struck the first time we met. Just like any other person.”

“You should have seen her, all excited because she was gonna work with ‘the great Chat Noir’,” Chat started flexing his arms, much like he did in their first meeting. Marinette’s other hand flew to the strap of her purse, holding it tightly. He’s never gonna let me live it down, is he?

“Well, how often does a hero ask for your help, right?” she laughed nervously.

“Wait, hang on a second, when did you two actually meet for the first time?” Kudret intervened, his brown eyes sparkling with enthusiasm the moment he noticed he may actually get exclusive information.

“We met long before Entangler,” Chat started. “I believe the owner of the Ladyblog mentioned it in her article about the first time she rescued me.”

“That’s right,” and Marinette went on to tell the television host the story of The Evillustrator. Or at least the civilian version, where she wasn’t Ladybug.

“And does this boy still like you?” Kudret pushed this time. And it was a question that had never occurred to her. Did he? She never asked Nathaniel. She had thought it would be easier for him if she just pretended she didn’t know. Less awkward.

“I-I don’t know,” she confessed. What else am I supposed to say?!

“Let’s not get off topic here,” Chat suddenly cut in, rescuing her from what was about to be another disastrous moment with the press. “The real story here is how Marinette is a total fangirl.” Scratch that. “I mean, seriously, seeing her swoon about her idols, including me,” he added with another wiggle of his brows, “it’s probably the side of her I’ve seen the most.”

I swear to God, I’m gonna—No, Marinette mentally tried to calm herself. I can’t do that. It’ll only make it worse. Just follow his stupid lead.

“I guess I overreact often,” she said, doing her best to keep a neutral tone.

“Oh, I think we all know that already,” Kudret laughed. “Well, we need to take a short break, but stay tuned for more on The Evening Show with Kudret.”

The applause sign was lit up once again and a camera panned away from them.

“Cut!” the man behind the nearest camera yelled. A murmur rose up in the crowd, while Kudret turned to the interviewees.

“Thank you so much for your time,” he extended a hand to the two of them. “You did great. You have no idea how good this was for the ratings.”

“It was our pleasure,” Chat responded, shaking the man’s palm. “Unfortunately, we need to be on our way now.”

“Of course. I wish you two the best of luck.” The man winked, making Marinette almost choke with her own saliva.

“Oookay, good night,” she said with a tremor in her voice, scurrying off the stage to the back rooms, closely followed by Chat. When they reached and emptier area in the back rooms, near a clothes rack, they stopped.

“That went well,” he grinned, despite Marinette’s unamused look.

“Yeah, for you,” she mussed.

“Come on, you gotta admit looking star-struck helps dissuade suspicion.”

“At the cost of my dignity?” Marinette crossed her arms. Chat’s grin turned into a sheepish one.

“Too far?”

Marinette sighed. “Let’s just say that I had to fight every fiber in my being to stop myself from blurting out that you like Ladybug just to embarrass you.”

Chat Noir was taken aback, but then smirked. He opened his mouth to say something, but whatever it was, it was drowned by something else.

“Is it true?!”

The two teens jumped at the sudden outburst from an unknown voice, turning to see a man holding a camera, jumping from behind the rack with the colorful outfits. Marinette and Chat Noir stared wide eyed at the man, frozen.

“Chat Noir, are you really into Ladybug?”

This cannot be happening! A million thoughts ran through the girl’s head. A million emotions crossed her face in less than a second. But the top one was definitely anger. Anger with such imprudent people. Anger at the way her life had turned upside down. Anger at the lack of privacy. Anger at not being able to have one stupid conversation with a very dear friend.

“OH, COME ON!” she bellowed suddenly, making Chat take a step back and stare at her. It just occurred to her she hadn’t shown her temper in front of him as Marinette, but at the moment, she didn’t care. This is ridiculous!

The man, though, didn’t seem bothered by her outburst. In fact, he looked… delighted. Like his day (or his paycheck) had just been made.

“Does she know?” he prodded, ignoring their glares.

Marinette growled loudly. She was about to grab the guy from his shirt, much like she did the previous day with Chloé, but Chat grabbed her arm before she could.

“We just finished an interview with you people. What more do you want!” he growled dangerously.

“But is it true?” the man ignored Chat’s comments.

“LEAVE HER ALONE!”

The three of them jumped and turned towards the voice. Standing close to one of the entrances to the room, there was a woman, completely clad in black, and what looked like a rectangle over her eyes, similar to the effect used on television to censor people’s faces. Her short hair and full lips were a bright shade of green.

“You will no longer hurt Marinette,” she pointed at the paparazzi with what looked like a news microphone, with a picture of a purple butterfly on the carton decorating it.

An akuma.

“Get behind me!” Chat Noir instructed, stepping in front of Marinette. For the paparazzi, though, it was too late. The woman had shot a green beam from her microphone that hit him directly in the face.

“I can’t see anything!” the man said, but his voice was not the same. He sounded like he had a voice modulator. When he turned to them, both teens jumped, for his face was distorted by pixels. Not horrifying, but… weird.

“You are now censured,” the woman said as she swiftly walked towards them.

“Is that your name? Mrs. Censor?” Chat Noir mocked, hands steady on his weapon.

“No,” she stopped, standing tall before them. “I’m Damage Control, and I’m here to fix what we destroyed.”

“We?”

“Marinette,” she extended her microphone to Chat Noir, “I will fix your reputation, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Why would you care about—” but Marinette cut herself off, as the gears clicked in her head. “Nadja Chamack?”

“Don’t be bemused, sweetie,” she said with a dark tone. “It’s just the news.”

Just then, she waved the microphone and shot another green beam, this time towards Chat Noir. Luckily, his cat reflexes didn’t fail him, as he deflected it with his staff just in time. She shot him several more times, forcing them to keep stepping back, outside of the room. They were back at the large area with all the lights, cables and other recording equipment. Which worked as a disadvantage for Chat.

In his attempt to keep moving backwards without looking, he tripped on one of the cables, making him miss a shot and getting hit on his hand. The move made him drop the baton.

“Stop!” Marinette stepped between them, with her arms extended. “If you want to hurt him, you’re gonna have to go through me.”

Damage Control sighed. “Mari, Mari, Mari,” she lamented, pacing around while she fiddled with the bottom of the microphone. “I was really hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but,” she stopped to glare at the girl, “so be it.”

Before the two teens realized what was happening, the akuma pulled a cable from the bottom of the microphone and tossed it around Marinette. The designer became paralyzed, with her arms stuck to her sides. Immediately, Damage Control threw the other end over a beam on the ceiling and pulled the girl up, her feet dangling in the air.

She was stuck.

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

Not gonna lie... with as much feedback I get (i.e. 1-2 faves/kudos a week, if I’m lucky), writing this feels like a fucking chore nine times outta ten. And I hate tedious grinding. Which is a fucking shame, because there must be like 15 readers out there who get to the chapters as I’m posting, and literally all I’d need is like 2 random commenters and my motivation would be reset till almost the end. Maybe September will bring back some of those verbose peeps who disappeared into the blue... maybe. ffn ao3

30. Knights of the coffee table

As she gets further away from the door, then the submarine, Kat starts shaking. A moment of hesitation; instead of going straight for the bedroom, she walks up to the toilet, which is vacant, to her great relief. The entire ship is eerily empty as people are scattered between the dining room and the shore from what she can hear through the beeping sound in her ear.

She slips onto the floor with back to the wall, and stares into nothingness for at least a few minutes. Returning to reality, she realizes that she's gotten sweaty. Again. And there's also a knot in her stomach. Still a little light in the head, she ambles outside to the sink and leans onto it. Stares another hole into the drain.

She's never felt so misplaced in a body, any body before, dawning sicknesses notwithstanding. Nor can she remember the last time her anxiety got this overwhelming when making a wrong move. It feels as if her ghost was dragging some kind of dead weight around. She… she legitimately just tried to kiss someone. On the lips. That's just not something she would do. Even in her wildest dreams, she's only receiving those.

Her comatose confusion soon turns into frustration; this… is so not her. Where's the real Katja and what did she do to her?! How could she have ever mustered so much… such confidence, to just, like… try and do something like that? Maybe, it's just the pill… but quite frankly, all she noticed being off was getting sleepy as fuck. And thinking out loud, which she avoids when in company. Is… is it her 'mask,' then? Or the powers? Can being taller, stronger, or just in a man's body itself, really make such a difference? Is she really like this…?

Kat peeks into the mirror; that's... not Law. Just his shell, and whoever she's supposed to be.

What could he be thinking of her now… oooh...

Having spent god knows how much time standing there with face buried in her hands, she decides to wash quick, then go down to the girl's room and be awkwardly miserable there. Frankly, she should be targeting the kitchen, but her nerves killed any appetite she might have had.

She considers lying down upon arrival, but has the feeling that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyhow, so… she crashes on an armchair. Staring into nothingness until she gets sleepy… a long-forgotten classic.

Twilight soon turns into darkness, and eventually Nami and Carrot arrive and blind her with the sudden lights.

"Ow," she mumbles while rubbing her eyes slowly.

"Oh… you are early," Nami notes in surprise; "did you piss him off by being nice again?" That still doesn't clear up why she was sitting around in the dark, but…

Ha ha, being… 'nice,' yyyyeah… "I," she heaves a lethargic sigh with hands still plastered over her face, "did worse." Thinking about it… she didn't buy the bear because of… or, did she? No… nope, she did those things yesterday to cheer him up, this is new. Oh… oh, nooo.

It's because he was nice to her later, isn't it? FUCK. How pathetic can she get?! That's pretty much all it has ever taken… she just started being totally suspicious of people's kindness down the line. Except for… this time. Fucking breach in the defenses.

Hearing this, even Carrot slows down, taking a questioning look at Nami. What can be worse with Trafalgar Law than being too nice or excruciatingly dumb?

"Well… did you do something stupid?" The navigator asks before closing the door, zeroing her leftover options.

Kat slides the hands off her vision. "…" Well… technically speaking, "that too." Something really stupid at that. If she didn't do that… this whole situation wouldn't be an issue.

"Then we pass, since you are not the obnoxious type, and that's the last known thing he hates apart from some psychopaths, the government, and bread," the mink shrugs, settling on the coffee table.

"I feel like there's a story to tell here," Nami notes, also sitting into the other chair. "You look quite taken."

"… uhhh… I suppose so," she creaks. Whether she's going to tell anything is another matter. Spilling the beans could make her the laughing stock of the alliance for as long as she's here…

Nope, not happening.

Nami squints at her; something is definitely up. "Well?"

She goes back into hiding and grumbles. Carrot places her hand on her chin, pondering. Her and Nami take a passing glance at each other; Kat is one to answer direct questions that don't involve opinions, so this is certainly out of the ordinary. The mink takes over the interrogation:

"That bad, huh…? On a scale from 1 to 10, how uncomfortable is it to talk about?"

"…" She doesn't want to talk or even think about this, like, ever again… but Kat also feels the peer pressure building up. And she can share this much, if nothing else. "… nine." At the very least. She has no idea what a solid 10 would be, but the minimum and maximum scores might as well not exist as far as she's concerned. There's always better or worse possibilities than what one can imagine. But this one does cut it pretty high, no matter how she looks at it. Fuuuck… how is she going to show her face tomorrow…?

"… so, let me get this straight," muses the navigator; "Additionally to doing something stupid… you did something else that bothers you, personally. And you are, by all accounts… embarrassed?" If not ashamed… it's the best she can figure from what she can see.

She moans again; that's a fucking understatement. She can feel getting red in the face again…

The girls sink into their thoughts; what's something… that would embarrass Kat?

For starters, it's not an easy thing to do. Odd hobbies, odd habits, the worst of what the world of puns can offer, anecdotes that are usually more disturbing than funny, regardless how entertaining she herself finds them… she's not bothered to share these, and also gives zero fucks about her language, which includes everything from obscure words to cussing, and her working class also shines through at times. She takes well to being corrected on things, so that's not it, either.

This has nothing to do with how she presents herself as. The key to this the other involved party, that is to say, Trafalgar Law.

"You either made him so uncomfortable that you ran away…" starts Nami, cocking her head to the right; Kat would probably overreact in a situation like that…

"… or murdered Torao with a cold-blooded joke comment, and he himself kicked you out." continues Carrot, tilting hers to the left. She can say things without thinking that could be hurtful, then regrets doing so right away.

"… or both," they nod together once they've run through the other's idea quick.

Apart from being a cold-blooded ego murderer… they are not far from the overall basic solution.

"Honestly… the quote-unquote worst thing I could think of… is something like trying to get too cuddly with him," the redhead adds after a chuckle. Oh, he'd hate that. "You pass out hugs left and right, but he gets grumpy whenever people dare to even touch him. You wouldn't want lame hugs and never ending complaints." He could barely handle the one he got the other day…

"Ha ha, right! Although… well, it's an extremely unlikely option and you'd be more pissed than hiding in a corner, but I cannot even begin to imagine if he was the one stomping into your comfort zone. It's more likely that you accidentally squeezed the life out of the dude… or were flirting with him, he would probably die from that, too," Carrot nods as they giggle to each other, then catch the flaming red ears behind Kat's hands as they glance back towards her.

… Ah.

"YOU ACTUALLY HIT ON HIM?!" they scream in unison, Nami being more on the horrified side of things while Carrot is more excited than anything else. The awed sparkles in her eyes are entirely unnecessary.

"SO WHAT IF I DID?!" Kat screams back at them in embarrassment and panic, and with a burning-up face. Technically, she just straight-out skipped the flirting part and went for the finish line. She can't quite believe it herself… the more she thinks about it, the less so. Because she never would have thought to be capable of even getting that close to... to kiss someone. Gave up on having any kind of relationship eons ago, too. Ugh. She's having kind of a personality crisis right now, okay?! More importantly, however… "And why are you yelling it for all to hear?!" Seriously…! This is already bad enough as it is.

"Okay, okay, okay, calm down," Nami instructs her after snapping out of her surprise; "Zoro's probably out cold in the crow's nest, and there's noone left on the Sunny right now! Your secret is as safe as it gets!"

That… actually sounds very reassuring after the heart attack; Kat slumps down in relief. She's also on the verge of tears, to be honest.

"Either way, Kat…! What was it that you said?! Was it on accident?" asks the mink without any other care in the world.

"It's… less about having said something. It's what I did by a hair that was out of line." If she's lucky, he didn't get a word of that… what if he can read lips, though? Nooo…

"… like, slapping his ass, or so?"

An awkward smile appears on Nami's face while she starts thinking that maybe she should get a hold of Carrot's horses, here.

"NO!" Kat screams in bewilderment. It's… not without precedent, but the couple of occasions when she did something even remotely similar were all a dumb joke among female peers. Boy thighs and butts are out of question! … even if said boy is in her body.

"Joking, just joking!" Carrot protests with raised hands; "Because we said 'hitting on,' get it?"

Kat stares at her. "… I'm not even getting quality jokes anymore," she sighs eventually, grumbling, with hands on top of her head.

"You're obviously tired, so I don't blame you," the rabbit girl continues with a shrug. "Hell, you are definitely blowing things out of proportion because of it. Whatever you did cannot be all that serious… sleep on it, alright? It won't seem that bad in the morning." Unless, of course, Kat did break the bejeezus out of him.

The initial answer is an elongated, whiny moan. "No, it is bad! Very bad!" she bursts out then, reaching back to the uncharacteristically aggressive voice from a minute ago before covering behind her arms that she pulls forward. Then, she raises one hand up with a gap roughly the size of a longer nail between her thumb and pointing finger; "I was literally… this close. This close! " She takes a big breath before continuing; "To… mack on him." Her sentence ends in half a whimper. Taking another sniffle-suspicious deep breath, she collects her composure and peeks out towards the table from behind her bars. "Then he winced, I backed the fuck out... and we were locked into the most awkward space sharing nonversation of the century." She fucked up sooo bad…

"You… you actually did that?" asks Nami, the reality of the situation setting in. She can see how this is not a situation her friend can handle. Kat… doesn't get physical with people she doesn't know. She did notice her flinching last week when shoving her towards the infirmary, even though she wasn't hurt there; she figured she's overstepped her boundaries back then. Afterwards, she's made a point to let Kat initiate, and it seems to have worked out perfectly fine; now she'll readily give and receive pokes and hugs whenever. That girl really is kind of like a cat in this regard.

Similarly, unless someone straight-out asks for it, she rarely shares her opinion on anything out of her jurisdiction… the navigator had to poke around a little last Saturday just so Kat would tell which dress she thinks would suit her better. Then the spare time artist went into a five minute monologue about pros and cons, and the details of color theory and whatnot… making the decision even harder, to be honest. 'Just choose whichever you are more comfortable in, you will be the one wearing it, not me,' was her final conclusion.

All in all…. she keeps to herself, to an extreme. And today, she intruded into another's personal space, and judging by her recap, and the kind of person Law is… it must have come off as incredibly rude.

"... yeah," She squeaks almost questioningly as she emerges from her shame barrier, then takes a rugged breath and stares at the ceiling. Never in her wildest dreams… What the fuck has gotten into her back then? She refuses to believe that she'd be capable of such an act... "The funniest thing is, though," she continues as her vision slides down the wooden walls, "that the idea came outta nowhere. I just had this... garchu moment while the painkiller and drugs were still kinda tickin' and gave 'im this big ole bear hug. Which was fine, aye? But I took too long to leave 'im alone proper, wondrin'bout how small and cold he is right now, and darn me if I did not like this person 'ere as much as wee liddel me did her mum back in them days, and..."

Nami puts a hand out in front of her face, contemplating to wave if she girl doesn't react. "Kat... Kat, calm down, your lingo is getting thick and hard to follow..." The words started rolling really fast somewhere down the line, too.

She does come to a full stop, though; her mouth twitches. "Then, he looked up. At me. That close." She lifts her fingers up again a bit, with downcast eyes; they have been displaying the short distance ever since she gave that estimate. "And that's when I... just thought, 'holy shit.' I mean, I could just... blame being high, but..." She feels like blushing again and puts that hand to her temples.

Carrot, who's been listening all spellbound, looks over to Nami. "… falling in love sounds hardcore."

Kat buries her face in her hands again and moans. "I haven't had a crush on anyone since I was 13. That's a literal decade! This is so embarrassing..." And will be super awkward for however long they'll be stuck like this. Maybe… maybe it will go away in two weeks. Please, be a two to four weeks phase like with anything or anyone this has happened with.

Nami sighs and walks over to her to give her back a stroke. "There, there…"

Having all of this bullshit out of her system (and getting a long overdue, nice petting,) Kat feels really tired all of a sudden. She can finally focus on other stuff now, too; reviewing the convo with the girls, she speaks up again: "By the way… you said the ship's empty? How come?" This place is always teeming with life…

"Yeah, it's Friday, and as Luffy has declared… it's party time," the redhead sighs, straightening herself and stretching. "He dragged everyone past our already half-drunk sleeping beauty out, but I didn't sleep all that well last night, so I'm all partied out already." Having said that, the navigator yawns.

"Oh… yeah, I forgot." She herself told the captain and Usopp about it, too… she needs some goddamn sleep.

"Shit, right…! I promised to get back for another round of booze and the karaoke," Carrot says and jumps up near immediately; "see ya!"

With that, the door is already slamming shut.

"... was Carrot playing your bodyguard, or…?" Kat asks with a raised brow.

"This area gives me the creeps at night," sighs Nami before ambling towards the light switch. "Like, no offense, but this is quite a ghost port." She swears she can see things move in the shadows at night.

Kat starts yawning away again, too. "You are not wrong about that. Ain't nothing in this corner but dying businesses and hooligans." She crawls onto the floor to find her cocoon. "At least the rent's cheap in the vicinity," she moans with the covers already over her.

"That's one way to look at it," the navigator nods, getting rid of her pants. "G'nite," she moans then a little later into the pillow after crashing into the bed.

"Good night to you, too," Kat sighs. She feels more like a zombie instead of a ghost now. Kind of like after crying. Yeah… maybe she really just needs to sleep on it. Maybe.