#this yr it seems. it was not my worst year ever but it’s been hard. so (and im worried this will sound cheesy / in genuine but i truly do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

appalachianwiine · 3 years

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Swim Chapter 9 - A Friend

Chapter 9

And if it feels like it's already over

Lean in closer, rest your bones

You've got a friend when times get mean

Yeah, in the meantime I'm on your team

“In the Meantime” - Randall Kent

The day passed in an odd sense of time for Carol, while the kids and her classes kept her busy enough the moments between periods and over lunch seemed to stretch on forever. The opening and closing of the heavy classroom doors shoved and yanked by teenagers all too ready to leave class brought back clear memories of heavy hospital doors being swung open and the room filling with people. Every time a phone would chime or the office would call she’d be dragged back to memories of the nurses calling in codes and shouting for doctors.

3 o’clock came and went and instead of staying after to grade papers or work on paperwork she started cleaning up the classroom to leave. To get to the hospital by 430 she needed to be out of here by 4. She moved robotically through the motions of wiping down the desks and straightening the textbooks. Her mind was with Lydia and Daryl now.

She knew all too well the feeling of being in one of those rooms, time lost to the hospital. Morning, noon, and night change to first shift, second shift, third shift. Hours turning to IV drip times and vitals checks. It could crush a person alone like that and Daryl seemed to think he was very alone. She got the sense he had been for a long time and it worried her. It reminded her of Leah and Matthew really, they’d come from a small farm in northern Georgia and despite all of Carol’s pushing and offering and turning up Leah had never been friendly. Even Ezekiel hadn’t managed to get more then a few words at a time from the woman and he could get just about anybody to talk. She didn’t want to see Daryl and Lydia facing the same sort of isolation.

Carol stopped to pick up coffee for her and Daryl on the way to the hospital. It wasn’t a lot but sometimes a warm drink that wasn’t crappy hospital coffee could make a difference. Pulling into the hospital parking lot she spots a familiar face. The dark haired woman and little boy who’d come to see Lydia and Daryl a few days ago.

“Excuse me!” Carol calls, hurrying to catch up. The woman turns around. “Sorry sorry are you going to see Daryl and Lydia?”

“Yes.” The woman nods. “You must be Carol, from the group. I’m Dr. Grimes.”

“Yeah, Carol.” Carol nods. “Dr. Grimes, it’s nice to met you. Have you known Daryl for long?”

“Seven years almost. Carl was just a baby when my husband and Daryl started working together.” Dr. Grimes says. “I’ve been Lydia’s pediatrician since Daryl adopted her four years ago.”

“Oh.” Carol frowns, “Then you -”

“Caught the cancer?” Dr. Grimes nods. “Yeah, something was wrong, I pushed the lab to expedite the sample, and I’m glad I did it but I have to say that wasn’t ever a call I expected to make in my career. Especially not to someone I know so personally like Daryl. It’s the worst phone call I’ve ever made.”

“I can imagine.” Carol nods. “But I’m glad he has friends behind him, he needs them.”

“Well maybe you could tell him to call every now and then.” Dr. Grimes mutters, pressing the elevator door button. “He nearly gave us a heart attack the first time he called. It was nearly a full 24 hours after he came to the hospital.”

“It’s overwhelming.” Carol frowns. “Learning your kid is that sick, I’m sure he didn’t mean to worry you. He’s a nice guy.”

“He’s too nice.” Dr. Grimes sighs. “Carl step away from the doors or they won’t close.” She pulls the little boy back a step or two by his shirt. “Every time i call it’s vague answers and I know he doesn’t want to worry us but still…”

“He doesn’t want to be a burden.” Carol nods. “It’s - it’s pretty common in this world. Most people pull away when they learn you or your child has cancer. And the ones that don’t - we don’t want to burden the people who stay.”

“He’s always been like that.” Dr. Grimes sighs. “I just wish I knew how to help so he didn’t have to ask.”

“I can help with that.” Carol offers. “If you want.”

“Really?” Dr. Grimes says, ushering Carl out of the elevator. “What can we do.”

“Well - right now… everything is kind of managed for them, the doctors and nurses tell him how to clean, when to eat and sleep, what medications to take when.” Carol explains as they begin the walk down the hall. “When they get home, it’s - it’s going to be a lot scarier. Because then everything is on Daryl. If you’d like my help I’d like to help prepare the house for when he and Lydia get back. Pill organizers, cleaning supplies, wound care, that sort of thing.”

“Okay.” Dr. Grimes says. “Yeah, of course we’ll help.”

“Moooommmmm” Carl whines. “You’re being slow.”

“Alright, alright.” Dr. Grimes rolls her eyes good naturedly. “Sorry about him, this is the most he and Lydia have been apart in a long time. They were in the same class at school, and they were supposed to go to camp together this summer.”

“It’s fine.” Carol chuckles, picking up the pace slightly.

Lydia’s room has a white board attached to the door reading;

LYDIA DIXON - 8 YRS

IV VINCRISTINE

“Mom what’s vin - vin -” Carl frowns. “That?”

“It’s medicine baby.” Dr. Grimes says. “To help Lydia get better, but it might make her feel sick so we need to be quiet and calm when we go in okay?”

“Okay.” Carl nodded solemnly, reaching for his moms hand.

Carol leans forward and knocks on the door.

“Come in.” A tired, gruff voice says.

Carol pushes the door open and holds it for Dr. Grimes and Carl to go in first. Lydia is curled up in a ball on Daryl’s lap, pale as a ghost and wrapped in a blanket.

“Carl!” Lydia mutters, moving off Daryls lap and holding her arms out. Carl looks up at his mom and she nudges him forward. That’s all it takes for him to rush over and embrace Lydia.

“Hey Daryl.” Carol smiles. “I brought you decent coffee.”

“Thank.” He mutters, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. “T’ be hones I think I’m too tired t’ tell the decent stuff from the shit stuff.”

“Long night?” Carol asks.

“Yeah.” Daryl mutters. “Thanks fer comin’.”

“Of course.” She offers a supportive smile.

“How’s Carl an’ Judith?” Daryl asks turning to Dr. Grimes.

“Judith started walking, much to Shane’s horror. I sometimes forget this is the first baby he’s responsible for.” Dr. Grimes chuckles.

“Hey that’s a hell of a shock.” Daryl says. “Imagine getting a four year old and having no parenting experience.”

“You’re doing great.” Dr. Grimes says.

“Thanks Lori.” Daryl mutters. “So uh, you met Carol?”

“Yeah we ran into each other in the parking lot.” Carol nods. “So, how you holding up?”

“Um.” He glances at Lydia and Carl, who are now both wrapped in Lydia’s blanket on the end of the bed and whispering to each other. “It’s uh - it’s been a rough day. Henry and Ezekiel came by earlier, tha’ was nice. But It’s just kinda...”

“Numb?” Carol asks quietly.

“Yeah.” Daryl nods. “Numb. I was uh lookin’ at this binder and it’s - it’s like… it’s insane. I mean, three months in the hospital getting intensive chemotherapy. How do - how I even prepare for that?”

“You ask for help.” Lori whispers. “And you take it when it’s offered.”

“She’s right Daryl.” Carol says. “Those stays are impossibly hard when you’re on your own, so you let us help.”

Daryl didn’t look so sure about that, and next to her, Lori folded her arms. “Daryl Dixon. You’re not on your own anymore and trying to do it all on your own isn’t going to let you focus on Lydia. So you’re going to let us help. Got it?”

“Alright, alright.” Daryl runs a hand over his face.

“And right now you’re going to let us help by going down to the cafeteria with Carol and getting some real food.” Lori continues, looking over at Carol and raising an eyebrow. “Because if theres one thing you look like you could use right now it’s a good meal and an adult conversation.”

“I shouldn’t leave Lydia.” Daryl argues.

“She’s fine.” Lori insists. “She knows me, and she and Carl can watch a movie.”

“Lyd?” Daryl asks quietly. The little brunette turns back to look at her dad. “You okay if I go get some food with Ms. Carol?”

Lydia cocks her head and looks between the two of them. “I… I guess. You’ll come back?”

“Soon as I’m done.” Daryl nods, leaning over and kissing her hair.

“Okay.” Lydia nods.

“You two want to watch a movie?” Lori asks, motioning them out of the room.

Daryl lingers and Carol reaches out and touches his arm lightly. “Come on, they’ll be fine.”

Daryl doesn’t say a word until they’re out of the room. “Sorry about Lori she’s just -”

“She’s looking out for you.” Carol cuts him off. “I know it feels awful leaving her right now, but you have to take a minute to recharge too. Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”

“You don’t have -”

“I’m doing it.” Carol insists. “We can go over that if you want.” She nods at the binder still in his hands. “I uh, I know pretty well whats in there. I’m sure you have questions.”

“Oh.” He frowns at the folder. “Do uh - do we have to?”

“No.” Carol says, stepping into the elevator. “We can just chat if you want. Try to get your mind off of everything in there.”

Fifteen minutes later she and Daryl are sat with a soda and sandwich each at the back of the cafeteria. Daryl seems to realize he’s hungry and inhales half the sandwich without a word, he pauses abruptly, mayonnaise on his face and turns red.

“Sorry.” He mutters, reaching for a napkin. “I uh -”

“No need.” Carol smiles. “I’ve been there, any food you have eaten has been eaten in between what little sleep you’re getting.”

“Not gettin’ much ‘f either at the momen’.” Daryl mutters. “Lydia was up most of the nigh’ sick again. Probably will be again t’night. The only time she settles is when I hold her.”

“Yeah Sophia was like that.” Carol nods, taking a bite of her own sandwich.”

“I’m usually pretty strict ‘bout everyone sleepin’ in their own bed but I can’t bring myself t’ say no right now.”

“Sophia only slept with me when she was sick too.” Carol nods. “I was always bad at saying ‘no’ while she was sick, but they do need some semblance of structure and routine.”

“Yeah.” Daryl nods taking a swig of his coke. “Tha’s gonna be hard, I know when we get home an’ she’s safe an’ secure again she’s gonna lash out an’ stuff, but I’m gonna have a damn hard time keeping boundaries.”

“I did too.” Carol nods. “Sophia was processing a lot at her diagnosis - our living situation had changed, I left her dad, it was a nightmare.” Silence hangs between them. “Have they said when you’re going home?”

“Hopefully sometime next week.” Daryl mutters.

“Okay.” Carol nods. “Lori and I are going to get the house ready for you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Carol sighs. “You’ll need some things, medical supplies, pill organizers, hand sanitizer, bedding. Something I like to do for the families here is help get their house ready to be home again.”

“You don’-” He stops, seeming to take what they’d said earlier in. “Thanks Carol.”

“It’s why I’m here.” She says, taking a bite of her own sandwich. “No one was for Sophia and I and I’m not gonna let that happen to anyone.”

“Her dad a dick?” The blunt way he says it makes her raise her eyebrows. “Sorry.” He mutters sheepishly. “I uh - I shouldn’ ha-“

“It’s fine.” She says quickly. “He uh - he was yeah. I left because I thought he hurt our little girl.” The words tumble out before she can stop them and she blinks, stunned at herself. She never spoke of Ed. She never spoke of why she was single. She left it at messy divorce and that was that.

“Shit.” Daryl mutters.

“Yeah.” Carol nods.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Nah.” He shakes his head. “It ain’. Ain’ nothing I can say gonna make it okay neither.”

There’s that blunt honesty again. Harsh, but welcome. No ‘I’m so sorry that happened’ or ‘you’re so strong’ just ‘ain’ nothing I can say gonna make it okay neither.’

“You’re special victims yeah?” Carol asks.

“Yeah.” Daryl nods.

“So I guess you’ve seen some of that.” She nods.

“Yeah.”

Silence hangs between them again.

“Thanks.” He says. “Fer all yer doin’ fer Lydia an’ I.”

“You don’t need to thank me, I’ve walked this path before. A little closer then I’d like, so if you need anything or just want some adult conversation just call.” Carol says.

“I- yeah, I will.” Daryl nods. “I uh, didn’ mean t’ scare ya this mornin’ if I did. I jus’ - you’re the only person I could think of to call.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” She smiles, reaching across the table and squeezing his hand. “You’re a good dad Daryl, and you’re gonna get through this.” Her attempt at a reassuring smile falls a little flat, because this time she’s not telling the entire truth. He will get through it, but Lydia? She was a different story all together, one with possibilities no parent wants to face.

#caryl fanfic #twd fanfic #caryl fanfiction #twd fanfiction #daryl dixon #carol peletier #lori grimes #carl grimes #lydia twd #lydia dixon #caryl #the walking dead fan fic #the walking dead fanfiction #fic; swim #cancer tw

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stuckonjbbarnes · 5 years

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Hey first time requester here!! I would love love love to see a Bucky X reader based on the song "let her go" by Passenger! x

Let Her Go {OFAM Universe}

Paring: Bucky x ReaderA/N: THANK YOU FOR THIS REQUEST….I’VE BEEN SITTING ON IT FOREVER. ENJOY

‘Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low (1 yr 11 months)Looking around the apartment, you’d never know that two people once inhabited it. It had taken two weeks after Y/N left, for Bucky to allow Nat to come pack up all of her things. Even if he wanted to fight and argue over keeping a throw blanket that still smelled like her, he was numb. He couldn’t watch as every part of their relationship got sorted and separated. So he left and when he finally focused on where he was, his head fell. A cafe…the cafe…her cafe. “Are you going in?” A blonde woman asks and Bucky stares. A little too long he assumes, by the way she rolls her eyes and pushes past him through the door.

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow (1 yr 13 days)Getting back into work was the hardest thing Bucky thought he’d ever have to do. It wasn’t the work, missions and desk-work were easy. What wasn’t easy, had been having to clean the apartment and feed himself after long shifts. It wasn’t that it was hard work…but things were easier. It had almost been a year since Y/N left. Bucky was managing. But on his worst days all thoughts returned to her and he found himself staring at the bottom of an empty bottle, sitting in a dark corner. He was tired of the stares from his friends, tired of the whispers, tired.

Only know you love her when you let her go (9 months 5 days)“Get off me.” Bucky growls, not wanting to have to physically remove this woman from his waist. Sam was too busy sweet-talking this woman’s friend to notice.“But I could make you feel so goood.” She whines, attempting to reach for his waistband.“I said. NO.” He’s fuming and her eyes widen as she seems to sense the danger in not listening to him. The girls pulls her friend’s arm and nearly sprints away.“Bucky man…what the fuck?” Sam cries, watching after the women.“I asked her to get off of me and she wouldn’t.” Bucky mumbles, sipping from his beer.“So you scared her off and cock-blocked me too?!” Sam snaps. “It’s been over a year. You need to move on… I’m sure she has.”“Leave it Sam.” He knows his friend is right but he can’t. He misses her.

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low (4 months, 15 days)“We’re going out.” Steve pats Bucky on the back, breaking him from thoughts of a buying more whiskey.“We?” He asks, looking to his best friend.“You, me, Nat, Sam, Wanda.” Steve smiles.“I guess.” Bucky relents, knowing they’ll have a good time… they always did. Knowing his friends, they’d get him buzzed and dancing in no time. These last few months had gotten easier. No pressure, he’d even found a good work/home balance. All thanks to Nat graciously helping him out of the apartment lease and Stark allowing him to move into the tower apartments. “Great!” Steve grins, dialing Sam’s number and securing the plans.

Only hate the road when you’re missing home (1 month, 8 days)“Why would you ask me that?” Bucky groans, letting the mic fall back into his lap. In almost 2 years, he’d refrained from any form of public appearance with Stark Industries. But Sam and Steve convinced him to go, bribing him with a night out.“Next question.” Tony cuts in, not in the mood for tabloid tactics.“It’s a simple question Mr. Barnes. Are you or are you not back in the dating field?”"Enough. We came to this panel to discuss tech. Not the love lives of my coworkers and I.” Natasha snaps into the mic.He was doing well, he was happy…wasn’t he? His work performance had gone back up, he was in great shape, sure Bucky had grown his hair out…but he was productive and he was happy. Mostly.

Only know you love her when you let her go (2 weeks)Bucky hadn’t told anyone his plans. He simply asked Stark for a few weeks off, which he granted happily. Bucky knew he’d been off his game, he hadn’t even been allowed on the last few missions. What he was gonna do with all the free time, he really had no idea. But he needed to do some soul searching. It wasn’t until he got off the plane in Athens that he realized, it wasn’t his soul that he was searching for per se but the person who once inhabited it. He had no idea where to begin so he did as the tourists do and jumped from location to location. It had taken nearly 5 hours to find the Acropolis and the accompanying museum. But the views and antiquities were breathtaking, ruined and yet still beautiful…just breathtaking.

And you let her go (5 hours)“They say Athena herself, came down and blessed the Acropolis.” A steady voice drifts from beside Bucky, startling him out of his thoughts but also filling him with a sense of calm.“Y/N…” He smiles, turning ang taking in her presence.“Hi Bucky.” She beams and the two turn to face the Acropolis again. Bucky knows he should say something. Anything. But she looks so good. She looks happy and at peace and like she’s living her absolute best life without him. So he stays quiet, enjoying just being in her bubble for a little while longer.“Are you hungry?” Y/N asks, gesturing to the takeout boxes in her arms. Bucky nods, unable to formulate a proper sentence. He’d do anything, if it meant being around her again.~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ THE EPILOGUE ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Permanent Taglist: @bitchassbucky @mermaidxatxheart @sebbbystaaan @valkyriesryde @stibbsx @donnaintx @geeksareunique @mypassionsarenysins @morsmordrethings @my-drowning-in-time @mushyjellybeans @honeyvbarnes @stateoflovinged @chloerinebarnes @captain-kelli @babblingbonky

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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side-effect-of-the-meds · 5 years

Note

Hey! There's this hc that's been on my mind for a while now but it's a bit dark so I've kinda been scared to ask people about it because IDK how it'd go down.... Okay, it's AFTG, and: What if after Aaron's trial with the whole Thanksgiving thingy they propose Aaron should be on mood altering drugs? What would happen? What would people do?? Also I know there are some fanpeople that don't like how Andrew's medication was represented in the books so I completely understand if you'd rather not reply

I’m sorry this took so long and I’m sorry for my recent inactivity. I’m still not ready to come back from my surprise hiatus but here’s this. It’s largely unedited so please forgive my bullshit. Thanks so much for the ask, love <3

“Aaron Minyard was oft-referred to as "the normal one" of the two, though that was usually followed by a debate over whether or not he could be sane when he shared genes with Andrew.”

Anyone with half a brain knows that Aaron doesn’t need the drugs. Hell, anyone with half a brain would have known better than to put a minor on something so strong but Andrew was on them for like 4 yrs + Exy is a thing so obviously no one in this universe has a single functioning brain cell. Another thing to be considered is that Aaron is a rehabilitated drug addict. He’s been sober (or as close to sober as he’s going to get) since he was 16. In the real world, I seriously doubt they’d put him on anti-psychotics, especially considering his past. But this is The Foxhole Court and I’m invoking suspension of disbelief.

Screams reverberated through Aaron’s head. There weren’t many words Aaron could discern amid the broken sobs and dry heaving. The overwhelming stench of vomit hit his nostrils. Pain shot through his left arm. It was likely dislocated from ramming it into the door at an odd angle. Staggering to his feet, Aaron saw himself in the mirror. Dark circles rimmed his bloodshot eyes. A cruel smile slowly curled the lips of his reflection. Andrew. Swinging a punch at him with his good hand, the mirror shattered. Shards of glass embedded themselves into his fist. Blood ran in rivers down his arms.

His surroundings distorted, exchanging the soft glow of yellow bulbs for the harsh glow of fluorescents. The blood was gone along with the mirror shards. In their place was a motley of scars. None of them seemed too severe. The acrid smell of smoke clung to the air and mixed with the alcohol and vomit, making Aaron’s stomach roil. The sound of someone retching caught Aaron’s attention. Whirling around, Aaron felt his heart stutter. Matt lay twitching on the floor in a pool of his own spew.

“That’s what you looked like,” Andrew said from beside Aaron. “Pathetic.” The word echoed through Aaron’s head.

“Aaron?” Nicky said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Aaron jerked away from him as though he’d been burned. Nicky’s face crumpled. Aaron’s gaze darted around the room.Taking stock of his surroundings helped ground him. Overstuffed chairs lined one of the walls. Three sofas boxed off the corner they were sat in. Orange fox prints decorated the white walls, a name, number, and photograph at the center of each. Aaron was back at the Foxhole Court.

“I told you not to touch him.” Andrew’s voice froze the blood in Aaron’s veins. Stalking forward from the corner he’d been standing in, he moved to stand in front of Aaron. Cold brown eyes identical to Aaron’s own now held his gaze. Aaron wanted to look away but, as always, there was something about his brother’s eyes that never failed to command his attention.

“How’s he going to play if he’s medicated?” Kevin asked. Aaron felt his heart sink. After spending two years with him, Aaron should have known better than to expect Kevin to care about anything other than Exy but he couldn’t help it. Just as he’d begun to think that the last few months had meant something, Kevin squashed the tiny bud of hope that had blossomed in Aaron’s heart.

“How are you going to play if I break your other arm?” Andrew snarled. Aaron watched the color drain from Kevin’s face. A part of him wanted to smirk in Kevin’s face. It served the asshole right. All Kevin ever thought about was Exy. Exy and himself. Half of the things the foxes had been through could have been avoided had it not been for Kevin. They wouldn’t have suffered the graffiti attacks nor would they have been constantly dogged by the media. They sure as shit wouldn’t have had Neil and the mafia to contend with had Kevin not been such a selfish asshole, insisting on dragging that good-for-nothing junkie out of the middle of bumfuck Arizona.

A larger part of Aaron wanted to cradle Kevin in his arms and protect him from Andrew’s wrath. Had Kevin not run, Aaron would never have had the chance to feel the press of Kevin’s vodka drenched lips on his. He definitely wouldn’t have had the chance to hear the soft keening moans that fell from Kevin’s lips when Aaron fucked into him. Worst of all, there would be no soft smiles or lazy kisses before Kevin drifted off to sleep.

“Andrew,” Neil’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle. Well, not really. Neil’s voice was always gentle when he spoke to Andrew. Gentle and tender and full of love. Aaron couldn’t help but notice the way his brother’s brow softened and his shoulders drooped. Fuck you, Neil Josten.

The door down the hall slammed shut. The sound of Coach Wymack’s footsteps echoed in the silence. Taking a moment to glance around the assemblage, Wymack read the room and decided it was best not to say anything. Instead, he held out a plastic bag. Aaron’s hand shook as he accepted it. A paper bag resided within the first. Extracting it, Aaron read the label. He’d seen the label a thousand times before but, up until today, it had always borne his brother’s name.

Pills rattled ominously inside. Sweat slicked Aaron’s palms. Upending the second bag, the sight of the orange bottle jarred Aaron to his core. Andrew took the bottle from Aaron’s lap and squatted in front of him.

“Two pills in the morning after breakfast,” he said.

“And two again at 4,” Aaron finished. Andrew pried Aaron’s hand open before unscrewing the cap. Tipping two pills into Aaron’s palm, Andrew lay a hand on the back of his neck. Aaron knew his brother struggled to express his emotions but this was one gesture Aaron had learnt to recognize. It was a gesture of comfort meant to offer support. Staring into his brother’s eyes, Aaron forced himself to bring the pills to his lips. He swallowed them dry, painfully aware of every inch of their passage down his throat.

Anyone watching knew that Aaron’s descent into madness was swift. Aaron himself didn’t know that, though. To him, time seemed to slow. Staring down at his hands, Aaron flexed his fingers. Were those his fingers? Maybe. Maybe not. Aaron opened his mouth and felt the skin around it stretch. Laughter bubbled out of him at the odd sensation.

“Aaron?” Nicky asked. Aaron turned his gaze to his cousin and a smile split his face. Once again, the odd sensation of his skin drawing taut left him in a fit of giggles.

“It hurts,” Aaron said.

“What hurts?” Kevin demanded.

“Looking at your face,” Aaron replied. Had the words passed anyone else’s lips, Kevin’s anger might have flared to life. Instead, any remaining signs of life seemed to drain from him. Now it really did hurt.

Nicky had always told Aaron that if you looked at something over and over again, you would eventually get it. Perhaps it was because seeing the reward would motivate a person to work towards their goal, but no matter how much Aaron looked at Kevin nor how hard he worked, Aaron knew Kevin would never truly be his. Why he kept tormenting himself by staring at him, Aaron didn’t know. Maybe he was just as self-destructive as Andrew.

Sadness welled up in Aaron’s chest. A bone deep yearning had settled into him long ago but he suddenly felt the full intensity of-

“Stickball!” Aaron cried as Neil wheeled the racquet cart out. Rocketing out of his seat, Aaron caught his brother’s arm and yanked it hard. “Andy, come play stickball with me!”

“Play what?” Kevin squawked.

“Who?” Andrew choked at the same time.

“Stickball, Andy,” Neil said. A smile curled the edges of his lips. Kevin opened his mouth to say something but Aaron didn’t stick around to hear. Instead, he followed after Neil chanting ‘Stick! Ball! Stick! Ball!’, dragging Andrew along behind him.

So that gives you a general idea of Aaron’s madness.

Unlike Andrew, Aaron doesn’t really fight his meds. Where Andrew was terrified of not being able to properly watch out for his family, Aaron finds himself freed from all his anxieties. As such, he’s quite content with drifting through his life. I’ve always hc’d the twins as ADHD but are undiagnosed so it’s just a more intense version of how he normally is.

In the last two years, Aaron’s managed to make quite a few friends so they do their best to support him. Since he can’t focus very well and is no longer burdened by his anxieties, I feel like he also kinda relaxes around them??? Like he’s not as awkward. Very easy, breezy, joking around all the time. They really enjoy how much he’s opened up but they care a lot about him and are scared because they don’t know how to help him with class. What ends up happening is Katelyn is an absolute sweetheart. She convinces all of their friends to sit at the front of the room to record the lectures and upload them to a drive along with any extra notes that’ll help Aaron.

All the Foxes have to go to tutoring but Aaron’s tutor gave up the second he started his meds. After getting special permission from Wymack, they cut that time out and changed up the practice schedules a bit so Aaron could get out early and head back to Fox Tower. Once he’s made it through withdrawal, Katelyn will sit him down and help him work through his assignments. She’s a godsend.

Aaron is usually off his meds on weekends. He usually goes out to Columbia with the Monsters. He still dances with Nicky and has his fair share of fun. They go to the mall pretty often bc there’s a carousel with spinning tea cups. The twins have spent an entire afternoon riding the spinning tea cups, competing to see who hurls first. Aaron almost always wins. Andrew will take him out late Saturday nights and speed down closed sections of highways or do donuts in parking lots because they're both dumbasses with death wishes.

One weekend a month, Aaron remains at Fox Tower with Katelyn for spa day where they wax poetic about their respective crushes. Kate’s got a bit of a thing for a boy on the lacrosse team. Aaron screams bc he hates the guy. One time, at a party, the dude was talking to Kevin, shit talking both Kayleigh and Exy, completely unaware of exactly who he was talking to. Kevin ended up with a blackeye but the lacrosse kid couldn’t play for nearly two months.

Speaking of Kevin, he’s only thing that ever seems to hold any of Aaron’s attention. He’s just so… pretty. If Exy is Neil’s shiny object, then Kevin is Aaron’s. Since Aaron makes even less of an effort to pay attention than Andrew did, there's times when he straight up can’t play. It infuriates Kevin to the point where Aaron gets pulled off the court. At first he doesn’t mind because it means that he can sit back and watch Kevin without any fear of getting caught. However, ever since he got put on his meds, Kevin hasn’t touched him. Not even in a non-sexual way. Before, there were casual touches: a hand on the small of Aaron’s back, shoulders pressed together as they squished into a booth, ankles hooked beneath the table. Now? There’s nothing. Kevin leaves a conspicuous space between himself and Aaron and it’s the only thing Aaron can feel anymore.

So he starts paying attention on the court. Whenever they have a scrimmage, Aaron makes sure that he’s marking Kevin. Everytime Kevin crashes into him, Aaron’s consciousness slams back into his body. The heat of Kevin’s skin on his, their limbs tangled together, their ragged breaths intermingling, their helmets the only thing keeping their mouths from colliding together. Those little encounters are the only times when Aaron finally feels like himself. Those little encounters only last a few seconds and leave Aaron craving more, more, more.

Aaron noticed that medicated Andrew was always brushing up against Neil but he’d never really thought much of it. Now he understood. Andrew had craved Neil just as Aaron craved Kevin.

Speaking of Neil, he and Aaron get along well? I feel like Aaron is just as much of a smart mouth as Neil so the two of them just go around roasting the shit out of everyone. The drugs don’t change Aaron’s opinion of Neil but he begins to understand why Andrew broke their deal. Realizing that Neil didn’t steal his brother from him, Aaron starts to see the appeal in him. He’s stupid and funny and actually kind of pretty. Not as pretty as Kevin but pretty nonetheless. On weekends in Columbia, Aaron begins to notice all the things Neil does for his brother. Neil wakes up early in the morning to make breakfast and spends hours in the kitchen baking. He always picks up an extra pint of ice cream at the store and takes photos of stray cats to send Andrew. One time, Aaron couldn’t sleep and went to the kitchen for some water. His heart almost stopped when he heard Andrew’s rumbling laughter. Sneaking a peek around the corner, his heart really did stutter. Neil was standing on Andrew’s feet as he waltzed around the kitchen to the soft strains of music flowing from the radio. After aaron’s heart restarted, he hurried away because OH MY GOD ANDREW WAS LAUGHING AND DANCING AND HOLDING NEIL SO TENDERLY AND OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

Okay so maybe Neil did sic the mafia on them but he also makes Andrew happy so that evens it out right? It’s v slow but Aaron is very slowly learning to accept Neil.

Slipping back to his room, Aaron placed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart racing a mile a minute. Off his meds, Aaron found it hard to stem the surge of jealousy threatening to overwhelm him. He was glad Andrew had found someone who loved him the way he deserved to be but didn’t Aaron deserve love too?

A soft knock sounded behind him. Aaron nearly leapt out of his skin at the sound. Oh, fuck. What it was Andrew? What if he’d seen him? With shaking hands, Aaron opened the door. For the second time that night, Aaron’s heart stopped.

Vodka stained lips crashed against his. Aaron’s mouth opened on impact and he felt the warm slide of Kevin’s tongue on his. A moan tore from Kevin, reverberating down Aaron’s thought. It was a shot right to his core. Suddenly, Aaron’s clothes felt too tight, his body too warm. Grabbing the collar of Kevin’s shirt, Aaron hauled him into the room.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Aaron panted as he tore himself away from Kevin.

“Missed you,” Kevin slurred as he leaned back in. Aaron shoved him away, sending Kevin crashing into the wall. The look of anguish that washed over Kevin’s features threatened to tear Aaron’s heart out of his chest.

“You haven’t come near me in months,” Aaron hissed. “Why now?” Kevin opened his mouth but nothing came out. He tried two more times before dropping his gaze.

“Because I got scared.” Wrapping his arms around himself, Kevin retreated into his shoulders. “No one’s ever made me feel like this before. All day, all night, you’re all I ever think about.”

“You don’t think about me on the court,” Aaron sneered.

“And you don’t watch me from the sidelines.” Aaron felt the blood rush to his face. It had been years since Aaron had prayed but now he begged God to bend the shadows of his room to hide the burning of his ears. “Exy was all I’ve ever had. Back then, I played to stay alive but now… now I play because I know you can’t take your eyes off me when I do.” Kevin reached out slowly, giving Aaron time to move away. Relief flooded his face when Aaron didn’t flinch. As Kevin’s hand cupped his face, Aaron leaned into the touch. Pulling their bodies flush against one another, Kevin bent down enough to rest his forehead against Aaron’s. “I don’t want Exy to be the only thing I love anymore.”

“Then pick something,” Aaron whispered. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribcage as though it was trying to escape. He knew what was coming but nothing prepared him for actually hearing it.

“ I pick you,” Kevin replied. Their lips collided once more and Aaron let Kevin steer them to the bed. Collapsing onto it in a tangle of limbs, Aaron felt like himself for the first time in months.

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thorne93 · 4 years

Text

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 64)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:2655

Warnings: Language, dark moment for reader, 5 yrs after the snap, grief, anger, killing spree, new love, endgame plot, enter Uncle Wade Wilson,hope, worry, Song for this part: Cruel Summer- Taylor swift Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t kill me, I have family,” the man begged.

“So did I.”

You charged the knife and flung it at his head, stabbing him between the eyes instantly killing him.

That was the last of one of the cartels in Brazil. He was a ruthless, horrible man that you’d been tracking for two months. Him and about ten others who worked for him. But you’d just single handedly killed all ten of them in their warehouse.

About eight months ago, you ran into Clint Barton. Apparently, when the snap happened, he lost his entire family and went off the deep end like you did. He was filled with bitter rage. Wondering why monsters like this survived and his family was gone. You were both tracking the same people and when you found each other, you agreed to stay together. It made sense and both of you felt like it was nice to see a familiar face with a similar past and same vendetta.

Remy followed you everywhere. He stayed in horrible hotels and motels, just to follow you around. Sometimes he followed you on your missions, lingering in the shadows making sure you didn’t get hurt or need backup. You and Clint sometimes fought together, so he wasn’t too worried, but other times you two worked separate jobs or different jobs in the same area, and that’s when Remy would watch out for you.

You came back to the room you’d rented. Since the job was done, you’d pack, sleep, and move onto the next target you’d talked about with Clint. Remy stayed out of the way of you two, never saying or offering any judgment or criticism. He understood the path you two were on. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t think it was bringing you much joy, but this was what you wanted, and to be honest, the world was better without the people you were killing.

By now it had been five years since the snap. Your first year was filled with global travel then settling down in New Orleans. The second year you tried to find domestic bliss with Remy, the two of you having steady jobs. Then the last 3 years were filled with hate, rage, murder, vendettas.

What you did… what you were doing… it didn't bring you joy, but it made you feel better for a split second that horrible people weren't ruining good people's lives.

Remy had been great since the day he showed up in Paris. He had been understanding of Loki and never pressured you to move on. Remy understood where he stood in your heart and he accepted it because this was all he had wanted for many years. He wished he didn't have to watch you suffer and grieve to get to this point, he somehow wished things were different in that he was your first choice and not Loki. But ultimately, he respected your heart's desires.

Truthfully, you did love Remy. You had told Shannon what seemed like centuries ago that perhaps in another life where you didn't know Loki existed or had never met him, Remy would be your one and only. Now that Loki was gone though, it felt so wrong. It felt wrong to be happy, to even think of moving on, to even entertain the idea of loving another.

Half of you couldn’t imagine moving on without Loki - he was your life, your life, your world. He’s the one you wanted to share your life with. The other half felt guilty to experience any happiness, because it was your fault the world was the way it was. Why should you get a happy ending when it was your fault everyone was in this living Hell?

But your heart doesn’t listen to logic or reason. You didn’t mean to fall in love...

This had been on your mind for quite some time. Perhaps right after he almost proposed was when you started to really take notice of him. But it wasn't until maybe three months ago, almost five years after the snap, that you felt like you could maybe allow yourself to love him back.

You weren't ready to give up on Loki, or even consider moving on, but perhaps there was room enough for more than one love in your heart.

Remy had been nothing but kind, sweet, understanding, and supportive. He let you grieve and deal with things the way you needed to. If you ever asked for space, or pulled away from a kiss, he didn't get upset or disappointed. He'd just assure you it was alright. He was with you, day in and day out, practically since the snap happened. Without him, you weren’t sure you would’ve survived this long.

After all that, and everything you went through as children together, how could you not love him?

Simple: you did.

“How’d it go?” Remy asked once you got inside the hotel room. He was reading a magazine at a bar in the little kitchenette the place offered.

“Job’s finished,” you answered simply.

“So it’s Japan next?”

“Yep.”

You started to grab some quick food to make yourself some dinner. “I’m sorry to do this to you. To drag you all over the world for some… vendetta.”

“It’s alright. I know why you have to do it,” he assured.

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you smiled, pulling the food from the cabinet. Something in you told you he needed to know how you felt. That it was the right time, if there ever was a right time.

It was time to face the harsh reality that Loki wasn’t coming back. None of them were. You couldn’t live every day in his memory, drowning in grief and depression. It was time to move forward, as hard as it was, you knew it was the right decision. And doing it with Remy wouldn’t be so bad, right? He was a wonderful man with a big heart.

"For whatever it's worth, I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?” you asked through tears as you turned around to face him, a bit of a laugh coming out of you.

He looked up grinning like the devil. “I think that’s the best news I ever heard,” he countered, getting up to round the bar before he took you in a hug. “I know that was hard for you to say, cher, but I love you all the more for it,” he assured softly as he brushed his knuckles across your face.

You gently smiled before giving him a quick kiss.

It looked like this was the start to the beginning of a new chapter for you.

---------------------------------

You were in Japan now, taking care of one of the mafia that had been in power for decades here. You just decimated one of their safehouses, leaving a pile of bodies behind you. Clint was digging up more information at the moment and he would take the next hit on the mob.

Just as you grabbed Remy to go find some dinner, you two were walking down the street, it was wet from a recent rainstorm when you suddenly heard someone say your name from behind you as they grabbed your hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” Wade said. “Of course your Y/N who am I kidding”. He went to pull your hand.

The sudden action made you move reflexively.

As you spun, you charged his hand and as he pulled away to gasp in pain, you mustered up your dark electrical purple energy in your left fist and slammed it into his chest, the heel of your palm colliding with his sternum. It sent him flying backwards into a cart on the sidewalk. You straightened up before glancing back to Remy, confusion on your face.

“You’re not exactly friendly, are you?” the man asked as you stared at him. He was getting up, wiping the debris off himself. He was clad in a red and black suit from head to toe. “Should have known better than to try that.” His tone had a sort of whimsy to it , almost as if he was telling a joke.

“Who the hell are you?” you all but growled, your fist raised and still glowing.

Remy came up behind you though and gently lowered your arm. “Cher, I know this man.”

“You know him?” you accused, as if knowing this idiot was an inexcusable offense.

“Unfortunately, yes. This is Wade Wilson. He’s an X-Man,” Remy explained.

“Correction I am not an X-men,” he offers his hand. “Deadpool’s the name killing’s my game.” He pretended to curtsey.

Your eyes shot back to the man now known as Wade and you narrowed your gaze. “Why are you here? What do you want with me?”

“First of all, let me just say wow about that little trick of yours. Also to be fair, you overreacted,” he quipped.

“Overreacted? Some stranger just grabbed my hand. You're lucky I didn’t kill you. Now what the hell are you doing here?”

“Listen here, buttercup, I’m here on a favor of Shannon Stark. Remember her?”

Your mouth fell open slightly. “You know Shannon?”

“Yeah, we go way back!” He waved his hand. “I babysit her kid time from time but the point is, she wanted me to find you, to bring you home. She’s worried about you or something. I wasn’t really listening. I just owe her a favor so I got the gist of the mission and then said, ‘You owe me one hundred chimichangas and not the cheap stuff because I know Stark can afford the nice ones so don’t even think about skimping on --”

“Do you ever stop talking?” you interjected, glaring at him. “Wait, did you say Shannon’s kid?” This hit you like a wrecking ball.

Shannon had a child? There was… she… a child? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

“No, he doesn’t,” Remy responded as he stared him down. “Wade, go on home now. Y/N and I don’t wanna go back. We’re happy and we are on our own.”

“Yeah see that wasn’t really part of the contract. I’m supposed to bring you back and --”

“Sorry to disappoint, but you can’t bring me back, I’m not going.”

“You’re gonna break Shannon’s heart,” he said with fake sadness.

“I already did, but nice try.” You turned and started to walk away.

“Well too bad because I don’t take no for an answer so gear up, we’re heading back now.” He went to pick you up. “And don’t try doing that little trick of yours again. Shannon said to bring you back but she didn't say in what condition.” Deadpool smirked.

“I already told you, asshat, I’m not going anywhere with you,” you replied and jumped back flaring up your purple energy. “You can just tell her you haven't found me.”

“Well it looks like that won’t be necessary. See the thing is she already knows you’re here.” Wade sing-songs. “When you weren't looking, I sent coordinates and they had been on standby.”

“You what?!” you all but shouted, terror snaking in your voice. “Remy, we have to go.” You started to turn and grab his sleeve.

Unbeknownst to you, Shannon had already gotten there and was waiting for the moment to appear.

“Are you really going to be a sack of unicorn shit and just break her heart like that?” Wade asked, cocking his head. “So much for being a good sister.”

Feeling guilty you turned to him. “She’s survived without me for this long I’m sure she’s more than fine.” You shook her head. “And what's a little heartbreak when she’s fine?”

Just then Shannon walked out of the alley she and Natasha had been waiting in. Both women went their separate ways. Shannon to you and Nat to Clint.

“So you’re really okay with breaking my heart after everything we’ve been through?” Shannon called out loud enough for you to hear. “What happened to being family?”

The sound of her voice cut you like a knife.

“You’ve got your own family now, it sounds like. I thought you’d be better off without me, and it appears I was right.” You let your hands span out beside you before falling, a sad smile on your face.

“Y/N, you’ve been gone for 5 years! You have no idea what's happened in that time.” She shook her head. “We may have found a way to reverse what Thanos did, but we need you—I need you.” She stretched her hand out to you.

“Sorry to ruin the moment but I’ve done my part,” Wade interrupted the moment. “Now when do I get my chimichangas?”

You eyed Wade for a moment, irritated with him after only five minutes. Then your gaze shot to Shannon’s hand.

“Really, Wade? Couldn’t this wait till after we got back?” Shannon asked, looking a little annoyed. “Plus they’re at the cabin, hidden because you got Morgan addicted to those!” she retorted.

Sheepish, he ducked his head. “It’s not my fault the kid hasn't tried all the good stuff.” Shrugging, he added, “It’s not like they’ll harm her anyways.”

“Just get back to the quinjet.” Shannon turned her head facing you again as Wade retreated. “Sorry about that, he can be a lot to handle sometimes.”

“Clearly. Much like, was it, Morgan? A child? You have a child?” There was venom and betrayal in your voice. Although, to be fair, she had no way to reach out to you to give you any news. That was on you.

“We can talk all about it, if you come back with me.”

“Why do you need me?” you questioned.

“It’s an all hands on deck sort of situation. You’re just about the only one who stands a chance against him.”

“But last time--”

“Last time was different. We know what we’re up against now. There may be a way to reverse it. To get everyone back.”

Tears pricked at your eyes. You hadn’t cried over Loki in some time. He was on your mind, every day, always, but the grief laden sobs had slowly died down over the last five years.

“Don’t promise something you can’t deliver,” you warned, your fist balled up. You could tell Remy was getting worried at your side. “I can’t go through this again.”

She stepped even closer to you, taking your hand. “You won’t. We will win this time. I promise. You need to come home, Y/N. It’s time.”

You looked back to Remy who gave you a look that told you this was your choice, your call. You knew he’d follow you anywhere, no matter what you chose.

You heaved a sigh and turned back to Shannon, giving a firm nod to let her know you were in. This is what you’d been waiting for. Now it was finally here, and even if it meant possibly losing everything again, going through the same pain again, it was worth it to try and get everyone back. To get him back.

Once everyone was back on the quinnjet. Things got a bit quieter. You had fallen asleep, leaning on Remy. Shannon walked over to the two of you and covered you in a blanket.

“Here, she’ll get cold soon, she always does when she’s on here.” She smiled sadly seeing just how tired and bruised you looked. “I’ll let Tony know you’ll be staying with us. Did you want to share the room with Y/N or your own?” she asked, unsure of the situation.

“We can share a room, that'll be fine. Thank you, Shannon. It’s good to see you again.”

“Okay. Is there anything you guys might need right away? It’s good to see you too.”

Remy shook his head. “Nah, we should be good. Thank you though.”

“Alright then but if anything comes to mind let me know okay?”

“Will do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaelingoat-blog @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo @damalseer @heyitscam99 @yknott81 @sorryimacrapwriter @glitterquadricorn @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm @alyssaj23 @sea040561 @princess76179 @thisismysecrethappyplace @sarahp879 @malfoysqueen14 @ellallheart @breezy1415 @marvelmayo @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton @paintballkid711

Loki: @lostinspace33 @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester @esoltis280 @tngrayson @wangdeasang @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice

UC: @lokis-high-priestess

#unforeseen chasm #loki fic #loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson #tony stark fic #tony stark #tony stark x ofc #Past!loki x reader #gambit x reader #remy #clint barton #mentions of morgan stark #natasha romanoff #wade wilson

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cynicalrainbows · 5 years

Text

The Next Best Thing Pt 3

So this is a very long rambley chapter of this Catalina-adopts-babey-Cathy au. I’m not sure if I’m entirely happy with how it turned out- I was trying to do a few things, really: get better at writing from the POV of actual small children (which is incredibly difficult and also quite fun) and also have a go at describing what an absolute headfuck grief is.

Like, I cannot get over how when people die, you’re expected to get around the angry and sadness and confusion...and ALSO just sort of....live your normal life. And it’s especially difficult that those two things then get mixed up: I remember sitting by my dad’s deathbed and watching him die and just feeling sort of....fine? A bit numb but also very concerned with extremely mundane things like did I remember to say thank you to all the nurses and did I remember to wash up the cups we’d made tea in? And then the next morning, I was on the edge of going into the road to throw things at the inconsiderate bastards who were just driving around and going to work like it was a normal day. And then three months later, I was sobbing hysterically while I made paninis at work because of some minor comment my absolute cunt of a boss made. And even now, years later, I had a sudden moment the other week when it suddenly hit me that I was never ever going to be able to say thank you to dad for the lovely things he wrote in my birthday cards. AND a moment of anger that I was never going to be able to have it out with him for lots of stuff I’m still angry with him for.

And then to have to deal with that as a child? Sweet Jesus. I honestly don’t know how children manage.

I was also trying really hard to get across the absolute mindfuck that is just being a 6-9 yr old girl. Like...I only vaguely remember being seven but still. And watching the children at my work? Good god.

SO i hope you all like it. I probably went overboard with making Aragon soft but I refuse to apologise because soft Aragon is the best Aragon.

Enjoy!

****

She used to like school, back before, but that was back when everything was different, when she had a Mum to collect her like everyone else and when she could write about going to the park and the library and the swimming pool in her newsbook just like everyone else.

Catalina has taken her to the park, to the library- but she can’t let herself enjoy it now. She keeps hoping that her parents will bob up from behind a bush or a bookshelf and tell her that everything was just a big misunderstanding- but they don’t. They never do, but she can’t stop herself hoping it, even if doing so feels like prodding a wobbly tooth- just as painful, just as impossible to resist.

Even the idea of school feels wrong now- school belongs back then, toher old normal.

Now, normal is staying at home with Catalina, trips to bookshops (new ones with cafes and shiney displays, old ones where the books are tired and tattered, with yellowing pages that smell of old paper and dust) which she likes, trips to church (which she wishes she liked) and trips to see a therapist (her therapist) which she has decided that she definitely doesn’t like.

She doesn’t like the stuffy waiting room, she doesn’t like the waiting room toys- the books with pages torn out and scribbles all over the cover, the sad barbies left lying with their legs splayed and half their clothes missing, the jigsaw puzzles where all the pieces are mixed together.

There are better things in the actual therapy room- paints and a real easel, better craft supplies even than at school- but after the first session, when she’s meant to be fetching her coat, she hears the therapist lady (Doctor Jenny, she is meant to call her) talking to Catalina about her, asking how she’s settling, asking if they’re coping….and she hates the thought of being discussed so much that she decides not to talk there again. Not even for the sake of the easel, and she rips the painting she made in her session into pieces in the backseat of the car on the way home. She wants to throw them out of the window but that would be littering and she has sat through enough school assemblies about littering to know that it is one of the worst, worst things you can do (aside from drawing in library books and pushing people into traffic) so she doesn’t, just holds the balled up painty scraps of paper in her fists until she can drop them into the bin where they belong.

School isn’t her new normal- but now apparently Catalina has to go back to work and she has to go back to school whether they want to or not.

‘Can’t you keep teaching me here? I did all my workbook-’ She quite likes filling out the booklets that the school had sent ‘in the interests of not falling behind’, although it feels funny to fill them out sitting on the sofa and wearing her weekend clothes.

‘I’d like to, querida.’ Catalina looks tired- she’s been frowning and looking at papers, then typing, then frowning again and pressing the back space key very, very hard- but now she swivels her chair around to look at Cathy properly. ‘I really would. But we wouldn’t be allowed.’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s the law, you have to be in school...and I have to go back to work…before everything just completely falls apart without me….’ She looks at the papers, drops them back into the pile. ‘You’ll be able to see all your friends again- you’d like that, wouldn’t you?’

She shrugs. She would like to see Anne- but she hasn’t seen her properly since before then, only talked to her on the phone and Anne had kept talking about Anna, the new girl, about how she’s sitting with Anne til Cathy is back, about how she brought in a big cornet of sweets to share on her first day, about how there was something called Katjes that was really liquorice…. and even thinking about it makes her chest feel tight and scared because what if Anne doesn’t want to be best friends any more? (What if Anna is more fun?)

Catalina takes both of her hands in her own and kisses them. ‘It will be ok, querida. I promise.’

(Catalina always tells the truth but it’s harder to believe her this time.)

She watches from the doorway that evening as Catalina lays out clothes- stiff suits and high, high heels, skirt and blouse and school jumper- and feels sick.

She sleeps badly, picks at her toast and doesn’t hug Catalina back when she says goodbye. She’s not even allowed to go into the playground before the bell rings- instead, she has to go into the headmistresses office because there are ‘special circumstances’ (although what these are she isn’t quite sure.)

Mrs Jardin says things about grief and loss and settling in. No comment seems to be required from her so she stays quiet until the bell releases her.

Anne walks into the classroom with a girl she hasn’t seen before who she thinks must be Anna. This girl- this new girl- gives Cathy a friendly smile, as if she isn’t stealing her best friend while her back is turned…. and she pretends not to see.

(She doesn’t know why she should smile at a friend stealer.)

It doesn’t feel right to sit in her old class, as if everything is the same….but then, a new teacher comes in to take the register and she doesn’t like that it’s different either.

Anne whispers that she’s nice, that she let them make get well soon cards for their usual teacher rather than having to do the usual Friday spelling test, and she thinks that of course that would make Anne like her.

(Unlike her, Anne does not enjoy the spelling test.)

There’s dinner money to hand in, then a boring assembly about road safety and looking both ways. There’s literacy hour, like usual; numeracy hour, like usual. No gold stars for anyone (although their old teacher always used to have them- this new teacher just does boring ticks in red pen)- and then a change: they’re going to make cards.

For Mothers day.

Which is in a week.

Suddenly, she feels very cold. Mothers day.

She doesn’t want to think about last year- daffodils picked from the garden, carrying a tray not-to-spill-carefully into the bedroom, being allowed to boil the kettle and make the toast herself, the picture that kept coming out wrong and the poem she wrote herself in place of it.

She wants Catalina to come- to take her home or even just to BE there… but then she remembers that Catalina has abandoned her, that she’s the one making her have to go to school at all.

(And besides, Catalina is at work now anyway, doing whatever she does at work. She pictures meetings and shouty phone calls and wavy lines in red on graph paper, like when she and Anne play office.) (She wonders what games Anne plays with Anna and decides they’re probably all boring anyway.)

The teacher finished explaining- about spelling and sharing the felt pens and taking turns with the glitter, as if they’re babies, as if they’ve never made cards before when everyone knows that even the Nursery school children make cards at Christmas and Easter….and she turns to her blank sheet of construction paper and wishes she could tear it up.

‘What are you going to do?’

Anne’s whisper catches her by surprise.

‘What do you mean?’

Anne looks uncomfortable. ‘Because- well-’

She understands what Anne means, all at once, and it’s like cold water being poured on her- of course she can’t make a card for mum because mum isn’t there to have it and she knows this, but this realisation still feels new and suddenly she’s thinking of all the other things she won’t ever be able to give mum or dad ever again, birthday presents and Christmas presents and-

Anne is almost quivering next to her, her hand waving high in the air, and Cathy just KNOWS what she’s going to ask- what about if you don’t have a Mum to make a card for?

She knows that’s what she’s going to ask, and it makes her so angry (angry that Anne is asking, angry that it’s a question that applies to her now, angry that Anne and everyone else get to still have parents, angry that they have to do this stupid project in the first place when everyone knows that it’s meant to be history workbooks after break) that she’s burning hot all over.

The teacher suddenly stops her monologue on the necessity of Putting Lids on Felt Tips, as if she’s heard the question through the waving of Anne’s hand, and she smiles like she’s swallowed a tin of golden syrup. Her voice is syrupy to match.

‘Of course, for anyone who doesn’t have a mother-’ She pauses. ‘What I mean is, if you’d like to make a card for someone else- maybe an auntie….well, that’s fine’.

She even looks at Cathy as she says it- but she doesn’t want to make a card for Catalina. She isn’t her auntie, she definitely isn’t her mum.

‘Because of course, you don’t have to be a mum to do mum-things!’

(Her mum wouldn’t have abandoned her at school, she thinks first….and then she wonders if maybe her mum has abandoned her after all- except worse and more forever. It’s not a nice thought to have.)

‘People can be your mum in spirit and that’s fine!’

(Does that mean Catalina has to take the place of her mum now?)

Part of her still wants Catalina to come and make things ok again (although she’s not sure how she would)- but part of her is angry too.

She’s angry with Catalina, for doing all the ‘mum-things’, angry with herself that she’s been letting her. (Can her own mum see her letting Catalina tuck her into bed and run her bath and hear her spellings? Would she be cross if she could?)

She feels more mixed up than ever, and it’s all Anne’s fault, it’s all Anne’s fault (for asking the question, for putting the thought into the stupid teacher’s head, for liking Anna better) and when the teacher turns her back (because someone has somehow broken their gluestick like an idiot), the anger bubbles up and she kicks Anne as hard as she can under the desk.

She’s not sure what she’s expecting- Anne to kick her back maybe, or to jump up and tell on her and get her into trouble, but instead Anne just bursts into tears.

Part of her wants to say sorry….but part of her thinks it serves Anne right for sitting next to stupid new Anna with her stupid shoes that light up and her stupid purse shaped like a dog. (They’re definitely not cool and she definitely isn’t going to ask for either for her birthday.)

Within seconds, the teacher is bearing down on them both.

‘What on earth do you think you’re doing, young lady?’ (She thinks spitefully that the teacher has probably forgotten her name already, something that their usual teacher would NEVER do.)

She just scowls back.

‘You’re going to say sorry to- your friend’ (Clearly she’s forgotten Anne’s name too) ‘-and then you’re going to sit and get on with your card nicely where I can see you-’

‘I don’t want to.’

She folds her arms and the teacher huffs.

‘This is NOT the sort of behaviour I expect from children in this year group! Imagine what your mother would-’

She says it and then freezes, her face going bright red- and it’s this freezing that makes it worse, like a big loud reminder that mum CAN’T see her, that she’ll never see her again, that the teacher has made a big mistake by mentioning it…. And there’s a roaring in her head as she picks up her paper, rips it into pieces and throws them into the woman’s face.

When the teacher tries to take her hand and pull her to the front of the room, she pulls away and pushes all her things- her pencils and pens, her rubber that smells like strawberries onto the floor and stamps on them and feels the crack of plastic under her school shoes- until a hand closes around her wrist and she’s dragged away and deposited into the corridor.

(She’s never been put out into the corridor before because that’s something that only the really bad children have happen to them, and she’s never been one of them….except she also never used to be the child without parents, she never used to want to make Anne hurt, so maybe now everything is different, it doesn’t matter what she does because nothing will make it better, and there’s nothing to do but scream and scream and scream.)

She’s acting crazy, not like herself at all- and the scary thing is, she can’t seem to stop, though her throat is raw and sore and her head is aching.

It hurts worse than when she had flu, and had to drink cups of lemon and honey and suck on horrible tasting lozenges (that didn’t taste anything like cherry no matter what the label said)...except when she had flu, she knes she’d get better but can you get better from something like this that isn’t an illness?

It frightens her that she can’t stop but then perhaps it doesn’t matter because everything is ruined anyhow, her parents are never coming back (she knows this, she knows this), all her pens are broken, everyone in her class saw her tear things up like a really bad kid and Anne will sit next to Anna forever and Catalina will be so angry with her…...she’ll be in so much trouble and what if Catalina doesn’t want her any more, what if she decides that she’s too much trouble because of this-

The thought has her curled up into herself, her face pressed against her drawn-up knees because it’s so scary, scarier than roller coasters and dogs that bark and the dark space under her bed, scarier than the little bit of a horror film that Anne’s sister showed them once when she slept over with the man that had knives for hands, scarier than anything-

The click click click of high heels sound down the hall- and it’s a new sound to hear at school because those aren’t the sort of shoes that the teachers or the dinner ladies wear, they’re not even the sort of shoes the big grown-up girls in Year 6 wear, she only knows one person who wears those sort of shoes-

‘Querida-’

When Catalina crouches down in front of her and puts a hand on her arm, part of her wants to cling onto her and make her promise to not ever leave ever ever- but another part of her tells her that she’s being stupi,d that of course her godmother won;t want her any more, that she’s probably just come into school to tell her that- and so she pushes the hand away roughly and won’t look up.

‘What’s the matter?’

She says nothing.

‘I can’t help if you don’t talk to me, carino.’

She doesn’t want to talk.

‘I need to make sure you are ok, querida. Can you tell me what made you so upset?’

She doesnt sound angry, she sounds like she always does- and it’s all wrong, she shouldn’t even be here, school shouldn’t be calling Catalina . No one else has their godparents called into school….cxcept of course they have to because there’s no one else, there’s no one else at all-

‘I hate you.’

She even means it. Perhaps if Catalina wasn’t around to fill in and do all the mum things, then mum would still be alive (because how could she have died if there was truly no one else?)

‘Why querida?’

‘It’s your fault. You should have died instead of mum.’

She means that too, but as she says it, she hides her face in her arms so she doesn’t have to see if Catalina looks cross or sad or (and this would somehow be worst of all) like she doesn’t even care.

(Not that she cares how Catalina feels. If she hadn’t ruined everything by making her come into school- if she hadn’t ruined everything by existing at all-)

She wonders, in the darkness of her arms, what will happen next- shouting (except Catalina doesn’t shout, apart from at traffic lights that change too quickly or spiders that come out of nowhere) or just the click-click-click of her heels leaving...but there’s nothing.

Nothing at all.

Just quiet.

It’s so quiet for so long that she wonders if perhaps Catalina has actually left after all- it would make sense for her to leave- and the thought gives her a little frisson of fear.

Despite everything….she doesn’t want to be all by herself. Not really.

She waits for a long, long time.

Eventually, she risks a glance up- steeling herself for the empty corridor.

But Catalina is still there, sitting on the wooden floor with her high shoes sitting next to her and the nail polish on her toes showing through her tights.

She doesn’t look cross, only very sad and tired…. but she makes her face into a smile when she sees she’s being watched and the relief- that she isn’t being shouted at or sent away or hated is enough to make her start to cry all over again.

She knows she’s probably ruined everything already by saying those things- and she can’t escape the feeling that she’s doing something wrong by wanting by wanting her godmother in the same way she used to want her mum (like she’s betraying her, like she’s making her sad in heaven)......but she’s so very tired and lonely, and Catalina looks so warm and safe and comforting that she reaches out to her without meaning to, half wondering if she’ll be pushed away.

She isn’t pushed away.

Warm hands gently draw her close until she’s being held safe in her godmothers arms, one hand stroking her damp tangled hair away from her hot face while she tries to burrow far into Catalina’s smart silk work shirt and stiff black blazer.

She knows she’s making them both wet and disgusting but she doesn’t care and Catalina doesn’t seem to mind either, just gently rocks her back and forth and murmurs things that must be in spanish but it doesn’t matter that she can’t understand, she just wants Catalina to keep holding her and keep talking because if she’s doing that, she can;t be planning on getting rid of her, at least not now, at least not yet-

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry-’

‘Oh querida. It’s alright. It’s all going to alright.’

She should explain herself- that’s what adults always say ‘explain yourself’, but she doesn’t know if she can and when she tries, it comes out wrong and she starts hiccuping in between sobs.

‘Shhhh, carino. You don’t have to talk yet.’

She whimpers and presses her face back into Catalina’s chest and feels a kiss be pressed into her hairline.

‘It’s alright. We’ll sort this all out, I promise.’

She’d like to say that some things can’t be fixed- but she’s too tired. She actually doesn’t feel very well at all, and now she’s noticing it- not just the way her throat is sore, not just the being tired, she feels sick too, and her head aches and she’s shaking a bit all over like she has the flu except she doesn’t- but Catalina’s arms are warm and safe and so she makes herself just think about that, about that instead.

A long, long time passes before she feels like she can talk again- there’s a heaviness all up her arm and legs and in her head.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’

‘It’s alright, querida. Do you want to tell me what happened? What made you so upset, hm?’

She doesn’t want to tell her at all but Catalina won’t be able to fix it if she doesn’t so she does her best- the Mother’s day card and Anne trying to ask her stupid question, Anne sitting with Anna instead of her, the daffodils last year, never being able to make another Mother’s day card again, the way the teacher looked at her, the anger and Anne crying at being kicked and all her own pens being broken.

Catalina listens and nods seriously and doesn’t interrupt, even though Cathy knows it’s a bit jumbled and she has to keep stopping every so often to sniffle into the tissues Catalina hands to her from the little packet in her purse.

When she finishes, Catalina nods slowly, like she’s working it all out in her head.

‘That is….quite a lot, querida.’

It actually makes her feel a (tiny) bit better, that Catalina doesn’t laugh or tell her she’s making a fuss about nothing…..but she knows what it also means- it isn’t all going to be fixed right away. Perhaps Catalina can see she’s disappointed because she squeezes her hand.

‘Would you like to hear my thoughts so far?’

She would.

‘I think your parents loved you very, very much. And that if they can see you, they will be thinking how very proud they are that you have been so brave and done so well, even without them there. I think they’d be proud to see how well you’re coping with having to live in a new place and do things differently.’

‘You don’t think they’d….mind? Do you think they’d be upset that I- about today?’

It hurts to ask but she wants to be sure.

Catalina shakes her head.

‘I think that you are having to work through a lot of things that are difficult. Very, very difficult. There is no easy way to lose people. And sometimes it will make you sad, and sometimes it will make you angry….like today-’

There’s a tiny lightening in her stomach at Catalina says that. She doesn’t feel better exactly...but it helps to know that perhaps she isn’t a really bad person after all. That it’s not badness, just grief. That maybe it’s even a bit normal.

‘Does everyone…..feel like this?’

Catalina looks down at her. ‘In one way or another….yes.’

‘Do you?’

‘Sometimes...yes.’

The thought makes her eyes go wide. She tries to imagine Catalina throwing pens on the floor of her smart office and it’s almost enough to make her smile again. Almost.

‘It doesn’t make you bad, it just part of grieving, carino- the hurting’ She pauses. ‘Not that you don’t need to try and make sure you don’t hurt other people too of course. I think perhaps you owe Anne an apology, hm?’

She shrugs and burrows back against the blazer and it feels cold and damp. ‘I don’t think she even wants to be my friend anymore-’

‘I can’t believe that, querida.’

‘It’s true. She has Anna now.’

‘Well’ Catalina changes position, stretching a cramped leg. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’

She isn’t sure what she means- and then Catalina gives her a tiny nudge and she looks up to see Anne’s face peering anxiously through the pane of glass in the classroom door. When she sees Cathy looking back at her, she looks enormously relieved- before she stops herself and makes a silly exaggerated cross face instead and mimes hopping up and down in pain.

Cathy finds she’s laughing in spite of herself- and Anne laughs too and sticks out her tongue, before a summons from inside drags her reluctantly away from the door.

‘Seems like she still wants to be friends to me.’

And she thinks perhaps Catalina is right.

Perhaps things aren’t as broken as she thought.

(Perhaps she can live with Catalina and let her do the mum-things that her own mum isn’t around for, but also keep thinking of mum-as-mum in her head. Perhaps she doesn’t have to feel guilty for doing normal things- perhaps she can feel proud. Perhaps things will work out mostly alright- not as alright as they’d have been if mum and dad were still alive but….close. Close enough.)

(Perhaps she’ll even ask Anna if she wants to play one day.)

(Perhaps.)

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #sixfic

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sociallyintroverteddumbass · 5 years

Text

The Toxic people in the HH Fandom

Now this is something I wanted to talk about.

I have been in this community for some time now and it has been the most eventful, yet exciting time of my years. Seeing a large group of fans support a passion project / show made by talented and independent people is pretty damn great and I love it. But, there have been some situations that had reeked some havoc here and I think it’s time we talked about some of them.

Unfortunately, I could not fit everything I wanted to talk about in this post since it’s a bit overdue , I will be discussing 5 types of toxic people and some situations that had happened in the HH community.

Note: Most of the stories I’m going to talk about were either made public or had been told by my friends or people who have experienced these situations.

I will not reveal the names of the toxic individuals or their social media names as I don’t want anyone to witch-hunting any of these people. As much as I hate these types of people, it would be inhumane to go and attack them. In this community, we are trying to bring positivity to the fandom and not attract any drama here. Despite this, I will offer the details of what these individuals have done that should have some light dazzled to help and inform of these disgusting crimes in the community. Also if you go out of your way to harass any of these people I will beat you up and eat your fingers. You know better then to do that.

1. Harassment

Harassment is no uncommon thing. It can happen to everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. If you are being harassed or spammed by someone, BLOCK THEM. It is never ok for you to stay silent, especially when that harassment is continuous. If you disagree with someone about something, do not go spamming them in their dms or comments, cause’ that just make you look stupid and immature af.

Allow me to explain. Role-Play / Role-Players are seemingly the most common in the HH Fandom and often answer questions from others to the the character they are rp-ing as or their ocs. But sometimes they are going to get weird fucking questions.

For example, my good friend @carol1826 is a roleplayer. She roleplays Charlie and asks / answers ask from others (HH related or not). One day, she had a very annoying anon asking her the question “Are you single?” on her posts and ask box. Of course, she was uncomfortable about that question and deleted those until the anon finally said:

“Dumb bitch deleting questions I was only asking a question...”

“I bet the real Charlie would answer my questions...”

Ok, first of all what the actual fuck and what type of human being would ask someone that question, especially to a Charlie rp blog. More specifically, why would anyone ask a roleplayer that question. It disgusts me that this anon would do this and I hope they get what’s coming to them.

---- ------ --- -------- ---------- -- ---------------- ----- ------- Another example of this comes from Tumblr and DeviantArt. You see, a strange user (we will refer to as “the User”) has been asking artists (minors and adults) a specific request in the HH fandom:

“Draw Angel Dust’s butt looking like his fluffy chest” Or sometimes even these asks: “Draw Angel Dust swallowing bullets” ”Draw angel dust smuggling drugs up his butt” “Draw Alastor killing Pentious with a penance stare” “Can I get a shot of Pentious' eye on his hat?” But it seems that the User would often ask artists to draw Angel Dust with his butt out or doing weird shit, but mostly Angel Dust’s butt.

Of course, they would be constantly asking and spamming artists to do this, even if the artist didn’t want to. They even went as far as asking a 13 yr old artist to draw his request. The User has also admitted that it was a fetish (butt fetish to be specific), which is ok but that doesn’t excuse their actions. Fetishes are normal and I have nothing against anyone who has one but it is not ok to try and demand and spam someone to draw it if they don’t want to. The User has been also stealing art, not crediting artists, participating in art trades but never doing their part, begging or persuading for artists to give free art to them (despite some artists who only do commissions), making fake accounts and harassing / impersonating people, acting racist, etc. I recommend any HH artist to block this user immediately if you get an ask from them.

If the artist doesn't want to draw your request, then you should leave them alone.

It is not ok to spam an artist’s askbox or DMs the same request they rejected over and over again. It’s not going to do any good for you if you do this.

Not only that,

The User also does this to HH roleplayers, sending really weird rp asks to them, mainly those who roleplay Angel Dust. In fact, there was one instance where they sent an ask to a Angel Dust roleplayer in which they basically raped Angel or asked very perverted question about their “Fluffy Butt” (the worst one is when they asked Angel rp-ers to swallow a rat and see if it comes out through the butt), along with other weird asks and it’s fucking disgusting / disturbing as this makes the User look like an extreme creep. It is not uncommon for these types of people to ask others to satisfy their fetishes or sexual desires, and will do whatever it takes to get that fetish / desire expressed from anyone (minors or adults) they can contact, even if it is illegal.

Unfortunately, this User has also ask artists these requests on DA as well, but way worse than you could ever imagine. The worst instance was where they’d ask various artists to draw a frog with worms up its ass. Yeah, I’m calling the Art Police. Recently, the User had posted on DA discussing this issue. Of course they were acting very perverse, deny that they spam artists (even though it’s the truth) and trying to pull a bullshit pity party / sob story by explaining how they used to be homeless for 2 years, abused and attacked, which (I clearly doubt is true). The fact they tried to defend themselves by talking about how shitty their life used to be fucking disgusts me and is so very pathetic, it makes me gag knowing that these people exist and we are forced to live among them. The User is obviously trying to pull people away from the situation by using the pity card, and it failed. Why the hell should anyone give you the benefit of the doubt that you have done these sick, twisted, and inhumane things to artists by spamming them gross requests and being a big baby when people call you out, as if you should even deserve pity to begin with? Now of course, what the User is saying does sound very hard to deal with and very sad, but once it crosses the line (due to these actions the User has done and has been very immature and uncompromising about it) people won’t care about how you got there nor feel pity about it. Besides, I doubt anything that the User said is actually true, especially the “homeless for 2 years” part, since if that were the case, you’d be more focused on money and rent rather than asking artists to draw a character clapping their ass-cheeks. Currently on this user’s DA page, they’ve been doing these abominations of status posts for some time, posting pity-post stories in order to get sympathy and just bad. In one of their posts, they go completely ape-shit. Like, this is what happens when desperation and lies is your only option to escape your problems because you’re to perverse to try and fix those issues. I doubt anything this guy says is real anymore since, at this point, anything they say is just a way for them to get pity-points. Here are the posts btw -----v

Overall, this user is a art thief, spammer, pedophile, manipulating, lying disgusting immature pig that should be eradicated from the internet and all communities for they have been nothing but harassed and cause problems in the fandoms they entered.

In conclusion, If you are an HH rp / art blog and you are getting uncomfortable asks like these, do not respond and / or block the person asking, you have that right and these people can’t tell you otherwise. If you are harassing people like this, then shame on you for your actions and you seriously need to stop. Its not fucking ok and it will never be ok. NEVER FUCKIN’ EVER.

2. Art Theft

Now those of you who have been here for a long time in the Vivziepop Fandom, you will know that many people would sometimes repost Vivz’s artwork. Most of the time we usually don’t do this in the intent of stealing it but to share it or even criticize it. Seemingly Vivz doesn't have a problem with this, unless you are stealing it for you own personal gain and lie that it’s their art. That’s right, these bastards steal her art and claim its theirs. If you been frequently going to Vivz’s Twitter back in 2017, you might remember her calling out a blog that was stealing her art and saying it was theirs.

If you thought that was bad, not only does this happen to Vivz, it happens to other artists in the the HH fandom, the two I’m going to talk about come from @rabbit1225 and @ztoonsz.

Rabbit1225 makes beautifully drawn artwork of characters, and they are especially well known for their fanart on HH characters in the fandom (Lucifer from HH to be specific). But, unfortunately as Rabbit continues with the fanart, others take it without permission. In fact, there was one instant where someone had ask Rabbit if they could use their picture of Lucifer in the Hazbin Hotel Wiki for Lucifer’s bio in a conversation on DeviantArt. Rabbit said no, but they didn’t care. They not only posted it on the wiki, they spelled Rabbit’s DeviantArt name wrong. Fortunately, Rabbit told the person to remove the pic immediately and told them off for not listening, and so far the pic was removed from the wiki.

This would soon lead to Rabbit putting big watermarks over most their artwork so art thieves couldn’t steal them. I mean, the watermarks are so big they take up the whole pic, which is smart. But still it is a very sad thing to see this happen to artist like Rabbit just because they make some good art of their favorite characters. Sure, asking artists for permission to use their artwork is ok, but taking their art (even if the artist said no) without permission is extremely wrong and disgraceful. ------- ---- ------------ -------------------------- ----- ----------

Ztoonz is also an artist who draws HH characters, including their HH oc. Suddenly, an Instagram user was not only stealing their HH art, but stealing various ones from another artist. Ztoonz confronted this thief, and it went pretty bad to say the least. The thief kept saying it was “Their art” and kept calling them insults like “Bitch” or “British Cunt”. What really put the nail in the coffin was when the thief threaten to repost Ztoonz’s art and claim that Ztoonz was the one stealing it. Now that’s just cold. Of course, Ztoonz made a post regarding this and everyone started to report this thief. Thankfully, the thief deleted all of the art because they knew they fucked up and they deserved it.

If an you are reposting another person’s art, you must ask for permission first. If don’t and just straight up do it anyway, be sure to credit them at least.

If the artist asks you to remove the reposted art, Do IT, as the art is theirs and not yours and you could get sued or even arrested by the artist for stealing their art.

Respect an artist’s request to leave their art alone or credit them and move on with your life.

It’s not that difficult. You’ll look bad.

This also goes for Ocs as well, of course.

It is despicable and stealing another person’s character and / or art , it makes you look like you are devoid of creativity to make your own and it’s scummy.

3. The Attack Of HH Shippings

This is a tweet Vivzie made on her Twitter. I hope you read or at least acknowledged this tweet, because I’m going to talk about a certain issue regarding this. You see, the reason why Vivz made this tweet was because of the fact that there was an increase of actual people bullying other for certain ships, canon or not, which I must say is just sad. Like, guys they’re just cartoon characters, calm the fuck down. If you’re seriously going to debate others about a certain ship and whether or not it’s canon for 2 hours, then you are the real fool here. I don’t know what’s worse: -People shipping real-life people that don’t know each other / have no love or sexual relations with. OR -People getting into heated arguments about certain fictional character ships from cartoons or shows. What more do we need to tell you? How many fucking times do we all need to say it to you people? Doing this is just going to make you look like a shit person, and an immature one at that. There is no reason for you to do this.There is no reason to attack someone for having some ship of an HH character because you disagree with it. I’ve said it, everyone has said it, even Vivzie herself has said it. I know this is common in almost all fandoms and communities, but come on, ya’ll should be mature enough to know that being a bitch about stupid shit is just stupid. You guys are old enough to learn how to respect an opinion / interest, yet you people are crying like babies about how some people are shipping Vaggie and Angel Dust cause’ he is gay and not straight. THEY’RE JUST SHIPS! Not only that, even if Angel Dust and Vaggie used to be a couple in the older version of HH and it’s not canon anymore, you can still ship them regardless.

Sure, we all love our demons guys n’ gals but we need to remember they’re just characters and we can do whatever ships we want. Of course, there are going to be the weird looking ships, but we need to respect those ships. You have no authority to tell a person to kill themselves all because they shipped Charlie with Alastor. You are not the God of Ships, nor are you entitled to say you are.

Speaking of the Vaggie x Angel Dust ship, my friend @scarecrowinc93 told me about someone supporting that ship here on Tumblr. They loved it so much, they made a kickstarter to make the ship canon. Fucking Madlad. But when people tried to tell them that it might not come true, they went ape-shit. They responded to all of this in a post and were extremely rude and bitter about it, though they tried to cover their tracks by deleting it as soon as they realize they fucked up. Now as much as we love fan ships and wish they could be canon, it might not happen and you need to except that fact.

Just because you’re in a fandom that have excepting ships does not mean you can harass people for disagreeing with your ship or anyone else. I get it people should have free opinions here and there, but you don’t have the right to speak in a rude manner because someone didn’t like your ship. That’s not right and you know that.

4.”Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” Bullshit and Clickbait Slander

What happens when someone is desperate for views on YouTube? Slander and attempting to start drama of course! There had been two videos that have caused a bit of a steer.

The first one was at the day of Christmas Eve, a video called “Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” was uploaded by some random person, and I gotta say I was pissed off and disgusted. This might as well be the most infamous video slandering Hazbin Hotel to exist. Words cannot describe this video, and the only way I can describe it is with this image:

I’m pretty sure everyone knows that Hazbin Hotel isn’t a scam. For one, Vivzie and the HH crew do not want to let the fans down, especially at this point in time as Hazbin Hotel is popular with a majority of fans, who are excited for the upcoming show. Do you really think Vivziepop would want to let her own fans down and lie about the upcoming show just to gain money? Yeah uh, how about no motherfucker. They’ve been working so hard to even stop the project at this point. Multiple clips from the pilot have been released to the public, and you can clearly see that the HH crew are working hard to make this show real. Animation that could make Disney cry, colors that pop and vibrate with beauty, and characters with designs that defy our ability to comprehend. For example, Ashely Nichols is one of the HH animators / artists working on the project. She is well known for the many streams she broadcasts. Most of them are usually of her animating various scenes, but with a bit of a twist. You see, to make these streams more entertaining, she brings in one of the several voice actors of Hazbin Hotel to the stream and have the viewers give voice requests said voice actor. In fact, she is currently in a relationship with Micheal Kovach, the voice of Angel Dust. Sometimes even Vivzie makes streams. During those streams some viewers would ask her various questions about Hazbin Hotel, and you know what she does? She answers their questions. Vivzie likes to talk about the Hazbin Hotel’s universe, especially her characters and want to share them with her fans. So how is that a scam? If Hazbin Hotel was a scam, then why is the HH crew so dedicated to make this project successful? Explain that, cause’ it seems that the person who made this video might have something to say about this. I question whether or not this person is a troll or not, but I’m on the notion they did this for views since in their channel they have never talked about animation or anything related to that and probably doesn’t even know anything about it. Literally, when I first went on this person’s channel, there was barely anything in there that related to animation, art, or anything of that sort but (what I can assume to be) video blogs with barely any views. When I saw this, I could just feel the desperateness for views radiating from their channel. It’s like the equivalent of someone cashing in on a famous person’s death because they’re so desperate for views and attention. When first watching this “exposed video”, I honestly couldn’t even watch it at it’s fully entirety because it was that bad. The points this person made were too idiotic to take seriously and I feel bad for those who believed these disgusting lies. Here are just some of the “points” this person made about the so called “Hazbin Hotel scam”: - Having merch before the show has been released - Having no official release date - The crew only caring about money, not the fans - Having two Patreon pages (One is Vivziepop, the other’s Hazbin Hotel) These are just some of the “points” the person made in the video, and oh believe me it gets worse. While some seem understandable, most of them sound too abysmal to be true. Like seriously, “Having no official release date...”? How petty do you have to be to make up this shit? I get it, the internet can be a sketchy place and you can’t always trust the things you believe, but that statement does not make sense. Let me explain, most animation projects take time to make, like it can 5-7 hours to make a 10 second clip. Now imagine 30 minutes (which is how long the Hazbin Hotel pilot will be), imagine how long it would take to animate. Drawing every single frame neatly and correctly, making sure every scene is right, taking time and making it perfect. The amount of time and effort animators take on animating is astounding. Animation is hard and whether you animate or not, you know that it takes a great deal of toil and energy to do something like this, especially when it comes to 2D animation (which is the main animation style for Hazbin Hotel), where you have to draw each and every frame by hand. Animators need time to do this stuff and sometimes don’t when they’ll be done. Hell, animation companies like Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, etc. need time for this shit and it could take them months or even years to even start the animation process. Even if these companies have a larger budget then Vivzie, that doesn’t mean she can’t full-fill her animation dream. Like I said before, Vivziepop has already released multiple clips from the pilot, talked about the universe of Hazbin Hotel and it’s characters, and overall make the wait for the pilot something everyone can enjoy. If it were a scam, the animation wouldn’t look completed / smooth, Vivzie would not be talking about the HH universe as much, there wouldn’t be as many animation streams being made, etc.

Apparently, the video was so bad, misleading, and plain retarded, Jakeneutron (who is an animator well known for doing stuff related for Steven Universe), told the person off in the comment section along with other people who actually have a brain. This person, this fucking person, was just spouting bullshit claims like how:

“They only care about money than the project”

and

“It takes 6 animators to make the merch line and several days to release the merch line”

This person obviously doesn’t know how to tell a good lie because his claims are total bullshit and easily debunkable. The video might have been deleted since it hasn’t been seen near the top when you search “Hazbin Hotel” on Youtube but I don’t want to say it too soon, but if the video is still up then I recommend to not watch it as, like I said, just an attempt to start drama and get views from a pathetic troll / leech. Seriously, these lies are so bad I feel like my brain cells are slowly dying just reading them.

----------- -------- ------------------- --- ------------------ ----------- - ----

Next one, a video was uploaded seemingly in December of another random person’s “reaction” to the Hazbin Hotel trailer and was pretty bad. One of the most idiotic claims this person kept dragging was that this was for children and it is very inappropriate. How? HOW?!

How is a show about demons, murderers, villains in Hell (with mild cursing and sex jokes) for children? This person literally thinks that anything animated is for children. I swear people with that mentality about animation always being “Family Friendly” are just plain idiots. Like look at Family Guy / American Dad / Bojack Horseman / Mr.Pickles / The NutShack, they all have mature and inappropriate themes in them, and they’re animated.

Generally speaking here, yes I do think young children shouldn’t watch HH for obvious reasons. Yes, even though the characters are really funny and enjoyable and the animation beautiful, it’s not mean’t for a very young audience. You could tell Hazbin Hotel isn’t family friendly the moment they talk about drugs, Hell, murder, genocide, etc. but this person acts like it’s going to corrupt our kids the nano-second they watch it. Not only that, they were involving religion into the video. Unfortunately, due my poor memory, I couldn’t remember what they said, but what I do remember was the title saying “I’m never leaving my church ever again...” and the thumbnail being the person seemingly holding a mini bible. Unsurprisingly, they got a lot of hate from that video, but for some reason the person was liking every comment (including the ones that were going against him), which begs the question, What the fuck? The video was deleted, of course.

Now, oddly enough this person is special in a way. They may just seem like your average slanderer towards HH, but they’re a weird one. You see for some reason this person kept making “review videos” on the HH clips or videos apparently supporting HH. Yeah, excuse me but what the fuck? Are they trying to cover their tracks?

It’s hard to tell if they’re a troll or not because at this point I don’t know. First they slander HH, now they supporting it? What is this person doing and why?

One of my most biggest problems with their HH ‘review’ videos is how the jokes they make are bland, unfunny, and just confusing (to me at least). When they make an attempt at a joke, it’s hard to even call it a joke because it makes you debate whether to laugh or not.

For example, in their “review” to “A Cautionary Tale”, Angel Dust says he’s “Not too big on politics”, and then the person takes out a MAGA hat, wears it, and says “Well, then you and I are gonna get along great!” I think it’s suppose to be a political joke since in the corner it said *Republican joke*, but at the same time it comes across as not really funny.

My second biggest issue I have about them is how they literally have no fucking clue on what they’re saying. Like they have no idea who the characters are, the universe of the show, etc. and honestly comparing them to an average HH fan, they have the IQ of a penny when talking about HH. In their “A Cautionary Tale” review video, they literally claimed there was no such thing as an “overnight” in Hell and that they’ve been hearing people say that everyone in the main cast of HH died in the 1940s (even though most of the characters have different personalities based on when they died, which is not just the 1940s). Yeah, this ain’t it chief.

One of the most stupidest things this guy said was that Alastor was Adolf Hitler himself... Yeah no. Like I’m not sure if this is suppose to be some sort of joke, but judging from this guy’s low knowledge on HH and them being obsessed the 1900s, it seems likely.

Firstly, Alastor died in 1933, New Orleans (which was told by Vivz in one of Ashely’s streams) during the great depression before WW2, while Hitler died in 1945, Berlin during WW2. Literally, you could just google “Adolf Hitler” and it would show you his date of death on the right side of the screen when you google him, and for Alastor you would go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki. It’s not that hard.

Secondly, if Alastor was Hitler, then he would have spoken in german or german accent, hate Jews / African Americans / Gays / Hipsanics / etc., have a swastika on this arm, and have the signature mustache or at least something like Hitler. Alastor speaks in a 1930′s voice and speaks english, literally (seemingly) doesn’t care about what race or sexual orientation you are, has no mustache.

If you went and researched about these characters more on the Hazbin Hotel Wiki, then you wouldn’t look so stupid especially if you want to be invested in the show’s characters or the show in general.

If you haven’t noticed yet, this person is into some war history judging by his interest of World War stuff. I can understand that they may not know, but (like I said) you could literally go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki to learn more about the story, rather than make dumb assumptions on things you don’t know. You have the internet, use it.

If you think that making video’s slandering a show or person gonna get you good-ass views, then fuck you. Doing this will do nothing but bring angry fans and confused people believing the things you say. If you find satisfaction from that, you are fucking disgusting and a trashy human being.

5. Roleplay Bullying

Much like HH ship-bullying, roleplayers are being bullied by their way of roleplaying. One that has come to attention is one coming from the Twitter RP-Verse. They roleplay as Alastor and has been acting like a tyrant. You see, they are also an artist who do HH fanart and are well-known for it actually (but I won’t tell who). They would insult roleplayers for their ability or way of roleplaying behind their backs and it’s quite childish for someone to be mad at something so small and idiotic. The roleplayer would use their fans to try and force other rp-ers from the roleplay, as if they control it, which is false and you can’t really control a roleplay, unless someone’s being annoying af and I doubt that this Alastor roleplayer is doing what their doing for that reason. I can understand that territories like this can get pretty hostile, but regards to this specific situation there isn’t really an excuse. I’m not going to go too deep into this topic since (let’s be honest) is another version of HH ship-bullying but except it’s roleplay. Maybe next time I’ll go deeper into this.

So what did we learn today?

Today we learn how truly pathetic us humans can be. How people would go out of their way to conduct such petty crimes to satisfy themselves because they have nothing else better to do in their sad little lives.

I might make a part 2 of this post, since I couldn’t talk about everything I wanted to say in this post since that would take forever to make.

-------- - - - ----- ------- ------------- - ----------- - - - - - - - ----------- - -----------------

Thank you all for read my post!

I wish everyone in this community the greatest and to be safe on the internet. Toxic people are crawling left and right and it is important that we don’t let these people get to us, we are better than these people.

If any of you guys want to make a similar post like this, then go ahead! It would be much appreciated to help spread this awareness and make our or other communities less toxic.

#This post was a bit overdue but I'm still proud of it #vivziepop #zoophobia #zoophobia memes #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #clickbait slander #false accusations #harassment #art theft #roleplay bullying #HH shipping harassment #this is unreal #this is disgusting

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fairycosmos · 5 years

Note

tried to kill myself last week n slept it off for 24+ hrs before telling my mom. she couldnt take me to the hospital bc we don’t have insurance n my case manager ended up calling dcs /: (ill be 17 next month) rn i feel like theyre waiting for me to say myself i dont wanna live here rather than just removing me bc technically i am safe but im not ready to do that even tho i know i should let them find me help. i feel like theyre waiting for me to mess up to decide themselves. i just feel lost man

oh god, i’m sorry for the late response and that you’re in this position at all, man :( i literally cant imagine how difficult everything must feel right now, and i dont blame you at all for being lost. most 16 yo olds are, but add something like this into the mix, and it’s no surprise that you’re feeling so conflicted and hurt all of the time. i know it hurts to process such vitriolically negative emotions, but it’s also a normal human response. imo, what the real focus should be on, is doing what you can to cope in a healthy or safe way. even if some days, that just looks like crying in your room and waiting for it to pass. but anyway, i want to say that i’m genuinely glad you’re still here, and i hope that one day you can feel that way too. it’s wonderful that you’re alive, and the world would be missing something if you were gone. even if you dont know it right now, and even if you can’t see it in this moment, there is so much growth and positive change waiting in your future. it’s actually inevitable, and nobody really tells you that when you’re a teenager, but it’s kinda true from what i’ve observed. the natural progression of things, the natural process of growing up, makes things feel a lot more manageable. that probably doesn’t feel like a real train of thought to the present day you, but honestly even in the 3 yrs since i was 16, the entire basis of my perspective has changed. especially bc as an adult you’re able to control so much more of your life and the mental health resources that are available to you. it’s all waiting for you, and it’s nothing to be scared of. you dont have to know what to do next and you dont have to have a solid concrete plan. i’m not sure that they’re waiting for you to ‘mess up’, because trying to do what’s right for your own health doesn’t count as ‘messing up’, whatever you decide is okay. it’s a really hard decision to make and i totally understand why you don’t know where to begin. but i think it could help to just have an honest conversation with yourself about what you really need in terms of where you live. try to block out judgement and what you ‘think’ you should do. where do you see yourself thriving, where you do see your needs being met? where do you see improvement, and guidance? are you able to work with your case manager to figure out some sort of middle ground, some sort of compromise? i get that actually taking such a step is way way easier said than done, but you can take it at your own pace over the course of the next two years while you figure out what would be best for you.

i know you said you don’t have healthcare, and i’m not entirely sure how things work where you are. but do you think it’s possible that there could be a support group for young people in your area, or a mental health center/crisis team, literally anything at all that could lend you some support? maybe you could talk to your case worker about this, too? there could also be someone at school available, like a counselor or even just a teacher you trust. another option is to call a mental health hotline to see what they think your options are. and i know these ideas sound vague, and like theyre impossible to take seriously, but i’d really appreciate it if you gave them some real thought. it’s alright to be scared, but the fear of reaching out literally doesn’t compare to the fear of staying silent and letting this get worse on your own. mental health conditions are just as serious as physical ones and sometimes they need genuine medical attention in order to learn to live with them, and that’s absolutely alright. having someone to talk to who is trained to offer you the tools you need can really make a massive difference. they’ll be able to advise you on what the next step should be, in terms of your personal development. initially saying that you need help out loud is the worst part, sometimes you have to force the words out....but it still counts, every small effort does. i just want you to know that a better future is possible and is much more likely than the awful one you’re envisioning, no matter where you go from here. if you’re unable to receive professional help at this time, then i hope you’re able to engage in healthier coping mechanisms anyway even if they don’t work every time. i’ll leave some links that may be helpful to you when you’re in a low moment. not saying they’re supposed to fix everything, but they’re supposed to calm you down and give you some clarity so you dont make an impulsive decision. i promise you’re capable of pulling yourself back from the brink of sadness, and i promise you’re capable of getting through this. every day you survive, you’re learning how to make it all feel lighter someday. i wouldn’t say any of this if i didn’t believe in you. despite my extremely limited perspective of your life, i can see that you’re smart and you’re young and you just want to find some stability. the more you focus on yourself and your own well being, even when you want to self destruct, the calmer things will seem. so like i said before, take all the time you need to consider the choices available to you, and then try to get through each day as it comes. if that feels like too much, one hour. minute by minute is more than good enough. im proud of you for surviving and for being the person that you are. if you ever need a friend or if you want to talk, i’ll be here. you’re not as alone as you want to believe, and so many people can relate to your circumstances because they’ve gotten through it. you will, too. you dont have to have it all figured out, that’s not your responsibility. you just have to keep trying and working with what you’ve been given. im rooting for you.

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2018/11/immediate-coping-mechanisms-for-self-harm

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/teenagers-guide-to-depression.htm

https://www.healthista.com/15-daily-self-care-tips-help-depression/

https://bebrainfit.com/stress-management-techniques/

#tw suicide #i think its hard to internalize words of advice when ur in such a negative place but this will always be here for u to refer back to when #ur ready to hear it or consider it #<3

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florcnces · 4 years

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HEY HENS ! my name’s nat & today i present to you the one, the only ... ms florence ! under the cut you’ll find a few bits & pieces i’ve come up w/ so far just so ... u kno ... we can plot or whateva 😏😏😏so if u want me to shower you w/ love, feel free to drop a big, fat LIKE or im me 😏😏😏also ... if u read this thru u will notice that ... i gave up somewhere in the middle of it ...

new york’s very own 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐃 was spotted on broadway street in 𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐀'𝐒 𝐁𝐁𝐒 . your resemblance to 𝐒𝐘𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐘 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐘 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 - 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being 𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 , but also 𝐍𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 . i guess being a 𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒 , 𝐅𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐄 - 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒 & 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 - 𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐔𝐌𝐄 . ( i seduced the director to get my first big movie role. ) & ( cis-gendered female & she / her )

𝐢. 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬

name : florence noel brassard

dob / age : may 22nd, 1996 / twenty - two

hometown : paris , france

occupation : actress

aesthetics : pearl necklaces , femme-fatale movies , half-used bottles of perfume , lavender bouquets & satin sheets

positive traits : nurturing , logical , self-motivated , thoughtful

negative traits : vengeful , scornful , two-faced , devious

likes : morning runs , feeling accomplished , freckles , seltzer water , blueberry yogurt , random picnics

dislikes : not getting attention , impulsive decisions , being late , not taking care of herself , mess all over the place , loud voices

𝐢𝐢. 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

baby florence was born & raised in new york city and was immediately thrown into the world of luxury - there literally was no other outcome when your parents appeared to be, like, one of the most powerful couple in the fashion industry, owning a huge chunk of loewe, lv, berluti and etc (so basically think like antoine arnault & natalia vodianova as her parents ... thnx xxxx)

with everything being handed to the girl on a silver platter, flo’s childhood was as boring as it could be. ‘ want to attend ballet classes? we’ll arrange private ones for you with the nycb principals.’ / ‘ can’t find a dress for the event we’re throwing? here’s five custom gowns to choose from, honey. ’ / ‘ there’s a scratch on your shoes; here’s a credit card, go buy yourself three new pairs. ’ / so, basically, tl;dr, they spoiled her ROTTEN

not gonna like, flo had a phase of being a bratty, greedy & ungrateful bih at the age of 13-15 because of the people she surrounded herself with & in order to fit in, she had to have like the best of the best. tho it wasn’t like she hadn’t had any of those things already - she just started taking advantage of her parents’ generosity. it took cutting her allowance down to the minimum for a few months and a few serious conversations to get a confession out of florence and to get her to understand that people should consider your their friends for your personality and not your bank account. so basICALLY she loves her parents v v v much & treasures the relationship they built over the years.

by the time she finished high school, she was v much set on the idea of creating a name for herself. starting a business wasn’t an option bc of how influential her parents were; sports weren’t an option either bc she didn’t have any exceptional talents (fun fact: she tried out for the cheerleading team for 3 yrs in a row only to not make the cut every single time which led to her crying at lunch ... ): #poorbby). being an influencer didn’t sound right to her either, so she went with the option that probably fit her the most - the julliard !

it was quite hard getting in there, mostly due to the fact that people there didn’t exactly understand why florence wanted to get into acting. it wasn’t like she needed any additional buzz to her name or more a-list events to be in attendance of, so she did have to prove that she was noth talented & sincerely interested in pursuing the career. however, it wasn’t the hardest thing she had to do to actually become the person she is today.

studying at the julliard wasn’t enough bc it didn’t make it any easier for flo to get a role. she tried her absolute damndest, used every connection she had -- yet, nothing was working. & since going to her papa for her was in no way, shape or form an option, she resorted to the worst.

bc she knew her mother was always in charge of organizing charity galas and whatnot, florence made sure to check out a list of invitees and, much to her sheer luck, she found a few familiar names of actresses and directors who rsvp’d to the event already. the night of the gala was spent with florence circling the room, looking and acting as gorgeous and charming as ever, but nothing seemed to be working bc everyone were either uninterested or just wanted her to get their name to her parents (& that wasn’t an option). however, at the end of the night she found the one. the one who lit up her star.

she didn’t go into it without thinking all of her options. she spent weeks flitring w/ the guy, going on dates and accepting gifts - everything to make it seem as if she was truly interested in him as a person. she laughed at his jokes, enjoyed his embraces - at some point, she even felt as if she could actually end up loving him. however, the moment he offered her the role of her life (plS one day i’ll actually properly headcanon that ish ... but not rn i proMISE!), whatever feelings (or whatever resembled them ...) immediately vanished.

so ! currently bby florence is basking in the newfound limelight and making sure to move further in her career... without having to resort to seducing middle-aged dudes... :-)

𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

florence, like i said, isn’t exactly a multi-talented skinny legend. yea, she’s decent at skating, somewhat good at singing, is quite beautiful - nothing out of the ordinary, hence why she sometimes struggles with her confidence. and by sometimes i mean A LOT of times. but if u think she’d ever show it U R SO WRONG BABE. usually whenever she falls into her self-called pit of uncertainty and lack of confidence, florence resorts to dressing up as nicely as she can and going to the first bar that comes to her head to get a drink and attract as much attention as she can.

she also finds comfort in cooking. sure, with her daddy’s money she could eat out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between, but there’s something incredibly comforting in taking the time to cook something for herself. besides, she is very fond of the memories of her mother teaching her how to cook. and the times they’ve accidentally burned the food bc they were too busy talking abt random things :’) like bby can actually make a MEAN kedgeree !!!

since her father is french and her mother is american, florence is bilingual. she prefers speaking french over english purely bc of the beauty of the language, so sometimes she might just switch languages mid-sentence.

florence is also ambidextrous due to the fact that she broke her arm when she was 7 and had to wear a cast for a longer period of time since the bones couldn’t heal properly :-)

also ... v much a dog person. like, cats? EW, don’t talk to her. don’t even think of calling her KITTEN bc u will ... get ur ass handed to u

always and i mean ALWAYS !!!! wears a pearl necklace on her neck that her father gave her for her 18th birthday. and just hella obsessed w/ pearls and flowers. iDK why she just is ...

𝐢𝐯. 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

obv !!! a best friend ? like, that typical ride-or-die situation where they wouldn’t hesitate to catch the bullet for the other person

maybe a friend / some friends from high school ? either they were the ones pressuring flo to take advantage of finer things and daddy’s money or ... flo could have left them for those ppl

a rival ... who had their eyes on the role florence landed ... and now there’s just a ton of anger and distaste towards each other

exes / one night stands / flirtations ... :-)

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jjkpls · 5 years

Text

The Freaks (m) (Harry Potter!AU #4)

> genre : filth, fluff

> pairing : jung hoseok x reader (f)

> words : 5.4k

> warning : unprotected sex (stay safe kids, but they’re wizards so u know they take care of those things), derogatory terms

> Jung Hoseok (Hufflepuff, 7th yr) is a freak and a pervert. He spends his whole time in Hogwarts between intensive sexcapades with you, his girlfriend, and intensive research in magic to find new ways to spice up said sexcapades. (public sex, use of magical sex toy, anal, mention of cum play...)

/The Harry Potter!AU Masterlist/

It's Tuesday morning, 9am just clocked in and most students struggle to keep their eyes and ears opened. Professor Edgecomb had just finished going through the reminder of the last lessons, introducing the three new potions they will be working on for the month ahead and after having wasted a good fifteen minutes waiting for someone to raise their hand to either ask a question or answer to one of his, he's decided he had enough of standing in front of those dumbfounded gaping mouths staring at him like he was some kind of intellectual performance their tiny brains could not grasp. Therefore, he deemed it was time to just let them be.

Assigning them to different cauldrons they'll share by pair, he proceeded to summarize, once again, the whole procedure to make a successful Wiggenweld potion -they were supposed to master it the year prior, but he's not that gullible anymore-. Besides being a healing potion, it's also one useful to reverse the effects of a Sleeping Draught and he hopes, secretly, that the vapours the room will be filled in soon enough will have some effect on those apparent sleep-deprived teenagers.

And then and there, the lesson becomes more pleasant. It's sad to admit, but him staying at his own desk, manipulating his own sets of jars and test tubes and mess of recipe sheets, sorting them out and organizing them, has become way more fulfilling than attempting to teach anything to these kids. He's realized quite soon after the beginning of his career as Professor of Potions in Hogwarts that youngsters were simply not interested in this art. Because it is a form of art. It requires patience, talent, delicacy and respect for the elements and ingredients, none of those butchers could find within themselves. And it's a hard discipline too. Not given to the first moron that wants to try a shot at it.

The students, in Hogwarts, fancy Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration classes. Which he can understand. The satisfaction is way more immediate and proactive in the execution of strong and decisive wand shakings. He also heard about how successful History classes -both Magic and Muggle- are and this, he deems the incoming of career orientation is responsible for. Because those lessons open so many doors, especially within the Ministry of Magic which a lot of young wizards seek a position in.

Potions, on the other hand, leads to a path, ambushed, full-life-committed, long and complexed that, inevitably, is not met with a glorious and profitable life. Alchemists spend their existence enclosed in dangerous fume-filled labs, they hardly leave to introduce a new invention once in a very long while -because those discoveries take time, and some actually waste their whole life away not finding any. As useful ground-breaking potions and spells tend to be owned in a way or another by the Ministry of Magic, they don't make much money out of them. If one desires to make a living out of making potions, they shall commit to producing mass love potions and everklena* ones. It's hard to cope with: lowering yourself to make those miserable preparations when you dream of grandeur and wonderful historical discoveries. Therefore, yes, he is become a professor in Hogwarts teaching a subject that rises very low interest.

Sometimes, Professor Edgecomb gets a glimpse of hope and joy from teaching. It's when he, exceptionally, has to teach one of the first years to cover another's professor lesson that they can't attend to. They're too young and inexperienced, so eager to be blown away to have any opinion on Potion making yet and it's terrific, he feels like a miracle maker, floating around the room, spreading herbs and mythical animals' claws in the air, in front of those wide shiny eyes. There's also the lessons he gives to the late-year Ravenclaw wizards. Most of them, like most of their peers, couldn't care less about his lessons but the ones that do, really, really do. They listen, ask questions and even share opinions on methods or big names in the Potion history. They're interested. As opposed to all those Slytherin slackers and Hufflepuffs morons.

Professor Edgecomb, fortunately for him, doesn't know to what extent he is right. How uninterested some of you are. He thinks the group of girls chatting away about the latest Quidditch game, or the loud pair of energumens too close to his own desk are obnoxious and disrespectful. But he would probably lose his marbles if he were to notice the young couple, occupying the last row of desks.

Hoseok's mouth is attached to your neck, lapping and sucking hard, biting where he knows the bruised skin to already feel tingly from prior ministrations. He's chuckling against your ear when he hears you whimper, your hand sprayed on his crotch clenching his hidden hard member in its grip. “Babe, you need to be quiet.”

Except if you'd like to get caught. And honestly, the thought is so tempting you can feel a gush of arousal soaking your panties.

But it's not your boyfriend's plan for the day. Maybe he'll want to do it on your last day at Hogwarts. How salacious would that be, you think with a grin painting your lips. You'll have to mention this to him. He'd probably say yes. You know your Hobi not to be good at denying any of your resquests.

But for today, he rules as he is the one who came up with the very elaborate spell allowing you two to mess around during class without nobody noticing. More than noticing, they can't actually see you. Two perfectly conform copies of you are standing at your desk, seemingly working on your cauldron, obliterating your real bodies. They hide what's to see but not what's to hear. Hoseok didn't master that just yet. Apparently, the whole screen thing behind which you're hiding is very complexed. It's a sort of a hallucinatory cloud. Anyone who would attempt to look your way would be met with this cloud that would distort their perception into interpreting precisely what they're expecting to see: Hoseok and you, chatting away while working on your potion. Certainly not him devouring your neck and collarbones, squeezing you hard against him for your ass to grind on his cock.

It feels hot. So dirty and bad, it should make your head spin and your pussy dripping gallons. But it doesn't. You're hot and bothered because it's Hoseok, he's always been excellent at toying you into becoming a powerless rag doll. But this whole trick is not enough. It's great but you already want more. You wish they could see you. You wish they'd see how Hoseok is treating you, how harsh his fingers are owning your cunt and how red and gaping he's letting it each time he's pulling back. You wish you could raise your eyes and meet the pair of someone else's, staring right back and ogling shamefully at you two.

Until you do. You meet those eyes. They're Do Kyungsoo's. He's watching you from two tables away, his big round eyes wide and mouth agape. He doesn't seem embarrassed though. His dark bushy eyebrows are frown and he looks about to interject.

And here, the thought of you two getting caught by the whole room actually hits you. You realize maybe it's not a good idea. For the last day, yes, but definitely not now, only two months in when you'll have to spend the rest of the year looked over by all of those same peers. If you even get to stay and don't get expelled for the worst case of public indecency to ever take place in Hogwarts. “Hoseok, he can see us.”

Mistaking your claim for role-playing, the tension in your tone simply flying over his head, he mutters hotly in your ear, “You love that, don't you? My little minx gets so w-”

“No, I mean, he can actually see us. We're not invisible.”

“What?” Hoseok turns around, so fast his hair flaps audibly on his forehead, to witness their classmate, obnoxiously watching you. In the swiftest of movement, he slips out of your panties -making you wince when his fingers sting a bit by the haste- and sits properly, adjusting his robe and pretending like nothing has happened, as if his crimson cheeks were not telling enough.

After some time, Kyungsoo, smiling like the little shit everybody knows him to be, turns around and gets back to his own duty.

“What happened to the spell?”

“I don't know.” His eyebrows drop sadly when he finally looks at you again. His mouth is shaped in an upset pout you have to look away to not place a bit smooch on. He caresses your thigh gently. “I'm really sorry, baby girl...” You're frowning too now. You were so close. So close. You're sure if you were to open your robe for the air to hit your clit, you might actually come. “We'll finish later.”

You gasp aloud.

Probably too dramatic.

Some heads turn around, throwing you a curious gaze to which you simply smile, waving a friendly hand until they're all back to their conversations.

There's the clock on the wall, stating 9:39. There's still an hour and a half to go. There is no way you're not having your release now. “Hoseok, I can't wait.”

“You'll have to, babe.” His voice is strained and his back stiff. He's not mad. You can tell he's just frustrated and probably feels guilty for having fucked up, resulting in that guy seeing you in this position. You want to make him feel better, along with yourself. That's your reasoning behind your hand slipping discreetly under the table, and sneaking under your skirt uniform.

The thick wooden table will hide you, if you're stealthy enough, you're sure you'll be fine. When it comes to sex -and especially sex with your boyfriend- you know what you want. You know what to grant yourself. And he knows it too. Therefore, when he takes a glimpse at you, checking to ask you about an ingredient he thinks he's never heard of -even though he did, as it was the one used in all of his fourth year recipes-, he's not surprised to see you hunch slightly over, smiling mischievously at him, with your clothing shaking obnoxiously over where your hand is working.

His pink tongue swipes over his grin, the tip stopping on the edge of his canine. He doesn't really know how to keep his composure. You're incredibly hot, like that, acting like a slut in the middle of class after having been caught; looking at him this way, with that familiar spark winking at him, you're so hot and so sweet, when he knows it's not even to tease him but so you can share with him a likeliness of release. You're so dirty and you're his. He wants to lean over and swallow you whole.

It doesn't take long for you to reach your climax. Grinding on your chair, like a bitch in heat, he can tell when you really hit it from how hard it's become for you to minimize your movements. Through the haze of your blurry gaze, you can see his lovesome eyes and bright smile. God, is he handsome.

“You're crazy.” He lets out behind his hand, concealing the blatant grin he can't withhold. You grab the said hand, dragging it and sneaking it between your legs for him to touch and feel the mess he's responsible for. When he brings the hand back to his face, he kisses the fingertips, pink tongue peeking out, tasting with utter pleasure your nectar like a pollinating bee.

“Wow.” She sounds unenthusiastic. Blank and fairly bored. Half of your face scrunched up by the hand holding your head up from hitting the top of the table, you stare with a wondering eye. “You're so whipped for... this guy's dick.” She notes, pointing with a lean finger at your textbook.

The book is opened on the index page, messed up on the corners with traces of ink here and there, scribbles of pieces of information concerning the lessons to be found ahead. You're not responsible for those. Your personal touch consists of little drawings of penises and pointy noses and slender hands gathered here and there. Your quill stops mid-movement when you realize that you're drawing one of those shafts again.

Maybe you're a bit obsessed with him, yeah.

“By 'this guy' you mean my boyfriend?” Your best friend rolls her eyes before bringing a hand to her mouth and feign to stick two fingers in to make herself throw up. You're the one rolling your eyes now. She's always been dramatic. Icy queen pretending anything more or less romance-related irks her to no end. She tries so hard though, you're sure she hides something.

The thing is your best friend is not, necessarily, the sweetest of soul. She's actually very far from it. So as much as the questions have been piling up in the back of your mind -especially when you see her disappear for hours on end to then come back to you, with a new glint in her eyes, throwing suspicious glances to this one younger Slytherin guy who always seems to be sulking- you decide to let them just where they are, not ready to be lashed out by the furious dragon she can turn herself into. If she wants to open up about it, probably she will. It's complicated sometimes to be friends with someone so secretive. But you chose her.

“D'you have some gold?” She asks. Her attention is not on you. It's focused on something or someone else, far behind you. You're tempted to look but you're not sure, given the expression on her face -it's the one look she harbours when she's up to mess with someone. You're still frustrated from this morning virtual blue balls. You're planning on getting Hoseok's glorious dick in three hours time, and it's all that fucking matters right now. Hence the bunch of precum beads winking at you from the top of your doodled cocks. Would he think those representations are accurate? Maybe you should ask him to pose for you. All naked. Damn. “Do you?”

For good measures, you ask, knowing you won't get involved in anything today, no matter what her response happens to be, “What for?”

“I'd like to send someone a letter.”

Oh?

“That's nice!” You clap your hands quite loudly, handing her generously more than she needs to purchase a magical card and even pay the fee to send it away as happy as you are that she's doing something sweet for a change.

“It is nice.” She smiles at you in a way you don't like. Eyes dark, grin resembling a wolf hungry snarl. She's more Slytherin than most. Way more than you. You sigh, deeply.

“Miss, I'd appreciate if you would quiet it down a bit. It might not be your case, but some students here have a future they would like to study for.” Your friend is staring at you with a smirk biting her lips. You raise your face, smiling the most honey-coated beam you own at Mr Filch. He's not happy about you. Which you can understand. You tend to be loud and obnoxious. But you don't even remember being loud just now. It is "study hours" but you are in the Great Hall, not in the fucking library. Still, you know better than to upset the old man so you excuse yourself smoothly leaving him to mumble and grumble away between his teeth.

“He's right. Look at you drawing all those mushrooms,” You chuckle loudly at that. “-instead of thinking about your future-” “I thought about my future for your information. I'm planning on becoming the biggest legend of Quidditch's bitch for the rest of my life. Isn't it great?”

“Wow. Sounds phenomenal.” The sarcasm is dripping from her very breath.

“It is! You know, Muggles, they have this thing called sugar daddy and I've decided that Hoseok will be mine.”

“You know I hate Muggles. Stop talking to me about the weird shits that they do.”

“It's not weird!”

“MISS Y/N!” Yells Mr Filch from the other end of the Great Hall. And when you see him lumping furiously through the whole room, expression looking like he's ready to grab you and throw you in one of his alleged torture basements, you pack your things in a rush, waving goodbye to your friend who's cackling her ass off on top of her parchments.

When Hoseok walks in through the door, you're waiting for him, your fingers prepared in the air, ready to catch his ear in a crab-like hold. Catching sight of you, he loses too much time startling and is left with not enough to avoid your attack, therefore, you seize him and pulling hard on your prey.

“Aa-ah-aah-” He screeches, voice loud and high, trying to follow your movement to limit the pain but you're mad and make it so that it hurts as much as possible.

“Where were you? I've been waiting for you forever!”

“The team had- AAAH” Your nails dig in the sensitive flesh. Irritating. This stupid team. You do want him to become the next Quidditch legend of the wizarding world, sure. But you know he's already good enough to become it. He doesn't need extra training, unlike those lame asses that compose the rest of the team. He's been carrying the team and its victories for years, since the very first game he's played, five years ago. Why they drag him through never-ending extra practices is beyond you.

Usually, you wouldn't be scorching his ear but the rest of the Slytherin team's. It has happened before when he's come back to his or your dorm at fucking ridiculous hours of the night, sometimes hurt because that's how bad his team players are. But you're not in the mood today. The three hours you thought you had to wait for your boyfriend to come back to you and spoil you the way you need, turned into seven. It's not anyone else's fault but his now.

“You made me wait all fucking day, Hoseok.” You're a sulking mess, now. Letting your grip go, you walk backwards for him to witness the pouty lip, the sad puppy eye.

Massaging his red ear mindlessly, he breathes out, “I'm sorry, baby.” Shoulders shrug dismissively -he's here now- allowing at the same time your robe to slide along your arms to reveal your naked form. Your skin is shimmering slightly from the body lotion you've applied carefully earlier while waiting for him and he catches sight of it immediately, smiling softly.

You lie on your back, watching him trying to undress so fast, he almost knocks his own forehead on the bed frame when he tries to rip his left foot free from his pants. His face is all cute frowns, funny grimaces and corny winks; his voice all overwrought groans, adorable whines, he's biting on his lip, savouring with his eyes what his mouth can't feast on just yet. You're overwhelmed by excitation. It's your Hoseok and you're about to have him all for your own. You're delighted.

“Are you that hard from me pinching your ear, Hobi?” He flushes, minuscule dimples poking at the corner of his silky mouth, eyes darting to the straight, hard haft waving your way.

“You know how hot you look when you're mad.” He climbs over you, predatory gaze melting with the mirror of its own. His mouth smashes against yours as his hips do yours, one set of slender fingers wrapping around your neck. He's grinding insistently, ending in you panting already, mouth wide open for his tongue to lap inside.

“Fuck, Hobi...” He falls down from your gaping lips, teeth grazing your neck hard enough to turn the skin red while your fingers deep in his mop of satiny chestnut hair, scratching his scalp, pulling at the strand to make him grind harder, groan and breath louder.

“You smell so good...” You grin to yourself. You deserve a tap on the back for the choice of lotion you've made. It was new and expensive as hell, as tend to be Muggles' cosmetics, but it was worth it from the way he's lapping at your skin with such eagerness, inhaling obscenely, his pretty eyes reflecting the shimmer recovering your body. “Uhm. Should I eat you out?”

“No...” A harsh bite, a whimper. “Later. Once you've filled me up.”

His chest constricts, letting the loud and notably high in pitch laughter of your boyfriend bursts in your ear, rendering you deaf for a second. When he relatively succeeds to calm down, Hoseok raises on his arms, taking a good look at your inquiring expression.

“You're so fucking nasty, baby girl...” He thrusts downward, his tip grazes precisely where you need him and you decide you are done waiting. Pushing him away for you to turn around, getting on all fours, ass shaking for his greatest enjoyement.

“Hobi, I've waited so long, please, I'm ready.” And maybe you sound a bit desperate, look a bit obscene with your ass straight in the air, shaking for the sole purpose of making his determination to take his time waver and just fuck you already. You just don't like to wait. If your little sexcapade from this morning tells anything about you, it's how impatient you are, how spoiled you like yourself to be, especially by your boyfriend. He has another rhythm in mind but no matter how exciting it feels to have his big hands spread on your ass cheeks, squeezing and parting so he can see you better, no matter how nice the idea of his gaze burning your sex, his heavy breath hitting the wetness you're covered in, it's not enough and you don't want it now. “Baby, please. I deserve it.”

“You do, baby girl. I'm gonna give it to you.” He is so hard, tip an angry crimson and balls tight as hell but he can't help but lean over to bite the flesh of one of your cheeks and place a sloppy kiss on the other. Merlin, he hopes he'll have more time later to indulge in his urges to eat your ass until he makes you tear up enough for you to be able to taste the salty yet sweet pearls on your lip.

The first thrust feels painful for the both of you. You're so wet he just slides in but the sensation of being filled up again, so nice, so full, by Hoseok makes your walls hug him roughly; and he can feel you, hugging, compressing him too many times, he doesn't know if it's simple projection from his dick but he found it harder for him to breathe.

You're getting used to him progressively and soon enough he's able to back all the way out to slam back in, even further than he had before. “I've missed you, ___.” He chokes out, mouth pressed to your shoulder blade, kissing pure love that aims and shoots directly in your heart.

You're buried in the pillows, mumbling, “Missed you too. So much.” It's been less than a week, actually, since the last time you were able to get in bed and have him buried deep in your cunt. Fucking school assignments, fucking Quidditch practices and matches, fucking ridiculous new dormitory policies, and fucking uncooperative housemates. The past week had been a bitch.

Your relationship is based on way more than sex -even if this is how it actually started, with you walking on a certain freaky Hufflepuff rubbing one-off in the middle of the little pool-like bathtub of the prefects' bathroom-. Hoseok is hilarious, dorky and exuberant. You match, carrying around the same riotus energy and you two are each other's ideal crowd. Also Hoseok, when he needs to be, can be the sweetest, most tender shoulder to lean on. He is easy to talk to, about anything. He's funny, he's soft, he's so good, benevolent, and you're in love, so deeply in love with this boy. That being said his dick is a piece of art and works a magic none of the biggest wizards of this world could ever attempt to master. And, when you don't get to feel it, not only do you miss it but feel an upsetting emotion constantly troubling your mood. I guess your best friend is right: You're pretty whipped for the guy's cock.

You know you're not the only one feeling this way though. The way he melts into you, showering your back with kisses and bites, hands digging everywhere, trying to tattoo your skin with his love, he misses you as much as you miss him.

When he's done being so overwhelmed by finally feeling you the way he craved to for days, he can tear his chest away from you to stand straight and tall on his knees, allowing himself to pound into you the way you both love. It feels amazing, you like to think that it's the idea of being with you again that helps him reach new hidden resources the four hours he's passed on a field playing Quidditch with a bunch of losers did not manage to dry out.

Hoseok sucks his thumb in his own mouth, soaking it in saliva before he's pressing it between your ass cheeks, circling tentatively on your surprisingly not so tight ring. He chuckles to himself. Because it's always like that. He's not complaining, he knows -and he can feel it as he moves his finger in and out, at a terribly slow path as opposed to the hard one followed by his hips- that you did not overdo it. You always make sure to prep yourself to not waste any fun time, not too much though so to guarantee the lovely stretch will still be here. It's once he's fit three fingers in that he squeals, “I almost forgot! Babe, I've made something!”

He gets fidgety behind you, reaching out for something you can't see, as you sigh, struggling to contain your impatience. He's thoughtful enough to hold your hips still with one hand, either it is for your comfort or by fear of his dick catching a cold, you're not quite sure. “You're gonna love it.” He prophesizes once his attention is back on you, leaning on his heels to have you relax on his lap.

His voice turns low, focused on each syllables as he enounces a bunch of different words you never would fit together, so close, in the same sentence; pronouncing a self-made spell you know won't ever appear in one of Hogwart's textbooks -which is probably for the best.

There's a warmth finding itself and spreading around your empty hole and slowly, something seems to grow from nothingness, progressively filling your ass up entirely. It's bigger than Hoseok's lean fingers, hotter, wetter, soft like the silky skin of his cock, rather than the rougher one of his hands. It starts moving in and out slowly, and you assume Hoseok has grabbed the end of it and is now testing it apprehensively. “I've been working on it for weeks.”

“Fuck, Hobi-” You choke out between pants and whines, back bending always further, desperate to get the most of the experience.

“How does it feel?” Ugh. “Wait, there's more!” He's picking up his wand again, shaking it in the air and mumbling more words that this time, brain so fucked up and intoxicated, you can't even decipher. Not that you really try.

Suddenly, there's a little buzz. You hear it before you feel it because it wavers, it faints away and comes back but never quite strong enough to be shaking you from the inside. Observing you from up there, he giggles, “From now on, please refer to me as Genius- Genhobi? Hobi-brai- Hobrain? That sounds a bit off but-”

That's when you burst out in a fit of laughter, so strong it shakes you up more than his spell did and makes his cock slip out of you. Hoseok grins in return. With a quick gesture of his wand, he turns his spell off. Leaning over your back, he brushes the hair out of the way to get a good look at the hilarity rolling down your cheek, fondness burning painfully his heart.

“It's not-” A wheeze. He's all ears, mouth stretched from one ear to the other. “It exists already. Muggles created this decades ago, probably a century even...” His face falls, mouth in a button and big wide eyes sceptical hanging under a set of terribly sad-looking droopy eyebrows. “What?” He asks quietly.

“It's called a vibrator. They make it and sell it in sex shops and-” You're mid-cackle when his whole demeanour, slopping down miserably on himself, eyes shiny with so much disappointment, you suspect he might actually start crying. You stop right away, turning around and reaching for his neck you wrap your arms lovingly around, pressing his face to your breast. “Oh, baby... It's okay.”

“I thought-”

“I know, it's fine. I appreciate you trying, hm? That's really cute.” He groans, nose scrunching up. “You're cute. Come on!” Getting back on all fours, you smile brightly at him. “It's whatever! Don't you wanna come? Cause I do...” Hoseok grabs you by the thighs, dragging you hard enough for you to lose balance and fall flat on your stomach, before he flips you over and leans in between your legs, mouth pressing to yours on reflex when his face is close enough.

“It's your fault. If you didn't know all those Muggles' stupid shits-”

“I grew up as a Muggle, dickhead.”

“And then why-” He hisses when he finally slips back in the comfort of your sex. “-did you not bring one of those for us?”

“To have my dad find it during one of his impromptu friskings through my stuff?”

“Fair-” His hips stutter at a particularly unforgiving squeeze of your walls around him, he groans loud mouth pressed hard to your ear, “You feel so good, baby.”

“You feel good. You fill me up so well, Hobi.” He does. He'll never know, no matter how many times you say it, how much you mean it. How perfect he fits in you as if your walls were craved for his cock only. And he fucks you so good. Hips rolling expertly against your pelvis to make sure your clit is taken care of, brushed over and pressed hard between you two as he's just started doing, knowing the both of you are not that far from finishing. You love when he does that. It's harsh, ruthless and stimulates you just right but it always leaves you red and abused and stinging a little for the hours and sometimes days to come. You love that. With Hogwarts' decency policies, you can't even wear a few purple marks on your neck as a reminder of who owns you and how well he's treated you. That sting is sometimes all you have to do so, to distract you when sitting in History of Magic class you wonder why the hell you're still wasting your fucking time with all those informations you couldn't care less about.

“Hobi, m'gonna come.”

“Come for me, baby. Come with me-” He's panting against your face, sweat droplets threatening to fall on it from how hard he is beating his hips against yours.

“Fuck! I need-”

Of course, Hoseok knows exactly what you need, therefore he hastens to growl, “Iloveyou- fuck, Iloveyou! Comewith-” The ball of light that has been growing inside both your bellies burst, blinding you both for a few seconds, rendering you deaf to the earsplitting, probably embarrassing, screams and earthshaking moans. You can feel him, coating your walls, as they clench repeatedly and smother him entirely, milking him out of every last drop he has to offer.

“Fucking Merlin...” Hoseok mumbles, body melting into yours as you tighten your grasp around him. You're stuck in a blur, barely conscious it seems, actively trying not to cry for some reason. It's Hoseok's lively laughter that brings you back from how far you've gone. “How come you're so nasty but you only get there when you're reminded how much I love you? You big baby.”

You're already too hot and red-cheeked to flush at his teasing, but your ego bruises a little bit. Not much though as you know how right he is. And how alike you two are anyway.

“Isn't your mouth supposed to be doing something else right now?” Hoseok shoots you his glorious grin before he's sliding down along your body, disappearing from your sight, eager to give you what you asked for earlier.

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