#tho I will point out dick is literally a cop already

[itsdappleagain]

tis time for the need for speed caper!

notes under the cut as always

if you saw my boston tea party caper post you will already know that this is not my favorite episode. potentially one of my least favorites in the season. still has some fantastic moments though, and I'm excited anyway!

cool foreshadowing for next ep with neal. bellum likes him

THE WAY BRUNT'S FACE LIGHTS UP WHEN MECH WALKS IN

these bitches really ARE gay

THE SIGHS AND FORCED POLITE GREETINGS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNY

i love how snarly they animate mech's face. her lip is curled or her nose is wrinkled

poor mechanic. so british it hurts a little bit

a choice of playdates 😭

cs: you can work remotely from my latop! the season being released in 2019: 👁️👄👁️

god why do they always make carmen's hottest and most showstopping outfits only get like a minute of screentime

the complete 180 from barfing at fish to proclaiming his love for a vile operative. fantastic

also mmmmmmmmmmmmmm the driver is a fantastic character. she's set up just enough w/ the green outfit and the mechanic letting us know that there's an operative already in dubai. plus she's milking trey without anyone suspecting a thing. she's so cool. imagine having to play dumb about your specialty for this arrogant little white boy

anyway trey sterlings little earrings

bonus points for how the driver only smiles when trey is looking at her

im a duke and ivy's a rocket scientist wheeze

god that cape on carmen is everything

who voices sterling sterling

okay 1. daddy sterling 2. ITS MR GROUPER FROM BUBBLE GUPPIES JIDSHH. he's been in a ton of shit. soggy joe from amphibia, benzo in arcane, phineas and ferb and a lot of stuff as the amazing hulk. i wonder why they had him do the role GOOD LORD THIS GUY HAS BEEN IN A LOT OF STUFF

so has trey's va

and then the driver throws herself on trey as soon as she confirms that he's the one driving its so good

love how trey uses the wrong names just to be a dick

not entirely sure why zack and ivy went to the party at all when they could have just gone with carmen but whatever

ah, the part of the episode which makes me hate it. zack acting like a homicidal toddler

carmen and the fastest change of clothes in the world

i love how ivy is just glaring at him the whole time

my favorite part about cs being a kid's show is that when characters get arrested the cops just stand there really menacingly because they can't point guns at anyone who isn't dexter wolfe

i love the next few episodes of player and shadowsan bonding/gaining trust with each other tho

i love when carmen gets pissed off about stuff

i also like seeing how on edge she is- flattening herself against the wall on the roof when a car goes by and stuff because she's trying to figure out how she's going to get them out of jail

i love her

HAHA okay i do love to see carmen yell at them because its SO emotive and GOOD but also IVY DID NOTHING WRONG SHE GETS THE SHORT END OF THE STICK

what was possibly worth risking your necks and mine and giving VILE a chance to win RNGRH its such a good line to show carmen's mentality. we see it in stockholm a little too with how she would almost literally rather die than let VILE win

how do they get home

mmmm this show is awesome with the setup for the driver

why would zack and ivy be knocking on his door if they knew he was supposed to be driving the car btw

man this show really tried to go for more refined themes in the depths of the episode. its implied that the driver seduced trey in his trailer and then stole all of his shit once he was undressed but obviously they can't do anything else with it but imply

NO WAY DID THAT CAR STOP THAT FAST BJSDJDGJH

i love how mad carmen is about literally everything in this episode she just snarls about things

PLS THEY JUST STOLE SOME MORE SCHMUCKS CAR

the motorcycle driving animation is so slick though

the driver is underrated actually im realizing

HAHAHA CARMEN'S ANNOYED LITTLE LOOK

i LOVE the animation of the car speeding up to rocket mode its so cool

you can hear the tires squeal every time carmen/the sibs turn their vehicles around

carmen sandiego tragically dies in a 60 mile per hour head on collision atop a parking garage

"whats she going to do, give us both a piggyback ride?" carmen five seconds later:

split up gang! lets look for clues

GIGANTIC AUTOPILOT BUTTON <3

carmen's hips. thank god for this shot

also i love the implication that carmen was just dramatically positioning herself against the wall and waiting for the driver to turn around

i love this fight scene with carmen and the driver btw its good. they are pretty evenly matched

uhhh...where in time is carmen sandiego?

i also love the driver v carmen fight because they are like. clawing at each other. just brawling

those are the fighting moves of a bitch who has been mad ALLLL day and needs to take it out on someone

ivy constantly being terrified of zack's driving because she's seen him flip the car completely upside down before is my favorite

SEEN SOME SHIT

asami is that you

boston tea party and need for speed are truly a two part episode

i love frames of carmen jumping off things before she deploys her glider

she's literally so hot. also her forearm is disconnected from her elbow

THE GLARE DADDY STERLING GIVES HIM SHDGSDS

who still talked to carmen about a headquarters after she screamed "WE'LL CONTINUE TO DO SO WITHOUT A HEADQUARTERS" into the phone and then hung up in a fit of rage because i wouldnt have

yeah they tried to fake us out didn't they

we got to see that workshop in s4 when carmen was brainwashed..

THE FLIGHT TIME FROM SAN DIEGO TO MOSCOW IS 21 HOURS NO WAY DID THEY MAKE IT IF IT WAS HAPPENING TOMORROW MSGDJKDGJDS

I KNOW A PLACE i love shadowsan

alright theres need for speed. im going to try to crunch out crackle goes kiwi maybe tonight but we'll see how it goes lol

[sapphire-weapon]

I’m just gonna say that I think ur being a wee bit too harsh on remake 2 Leon with saying everything is his fault because a lot of it is timing and no one would know what to do in that moment.

With the gas station dude, the only thing Leon does wrong is distract the dude by calling out to him, the zombie is on top of the guy in a second after that and biting a chunk of flesh off of him— I think anyone would be frozen in shock in that moment.

Also with Ben, Leon has no idea if Ben is a criminal and why he’s even locked up in the first place— they only hear Mr. X for a moment before he busts through the wall and Leon can’t shoot without shooting Ben in the face too, you see Leon try to aim the gun or find another point to shoot but it’s too late by that point. Also Leon has no idea about Mr. X at this point and arguably, Ben has clearly been safer in his jail cell so far, so of course Leon hesitates to let someone who could potential be a dangerous criminal out on top of everything going on. I’m pretty sure him saying ‘I’ll have to ask chief irons’ was before they heard anything and the guy was just asking to be let out — also Im pretty sure it is him covering himself to get more time to figure out what to do with Ben or get my information of why Ben is in there in the first place. He’s in jail, someone who is a trained cop is gonna hesitate before opening up his cell.

Also another thing I just wanted add that Leon doesn’t trust Ada, it’s what he says to her at the end ‘I realized as much as I wanted to trust you I didn’t’ so obviously he regonize she was shady but what else was he going to do in that situation besides take her at her word, after the fact she showed him her badge and has knowledge about the situation. how is he gonna guess that she’s a super secret mercenary that’s using him to steal this secret virus to sell

While I get what you are trying to say, I don’t think saying he’s a complete idiot makes much sense when it’s just how, a normal person would react to things. In fact I think he did a bit better considering the circumstances. Just my two sense tho, def not attacking u or anything, just noticed ur post in the tag and wanted to add my perspective to it since I’ve been like, religiously playing that game rn 😭.

But homie, what you're saying is exactly my point.

Leon was the everyman in RE2. He didn't have military experience like Chris and Jill -- and he wasn't raised a Redfield like Claire -- so he was never taught how to handle a legitimate combat situation. So, he did, for the most part, what a normal person would do in that situation. And that was the problem. It wasn't a normal situation, so reacting like a normal person ended with people dying.

Well. Actually no he doesn't get a pass on Ada, even still. Even if he didnt trust her completely, that bitch was in a tight dress and stilettos and Leon still looked at her and was like "yeah I mean I guess it could be possible that she's FBI." Like. No, dumbass. Stop thinking with your dick. You're not in a noir film.

The journey through Leon's character development was that he had to step outside of his normal bubble and into the actual literal nightmare that Raccoon City really was. He does eventually learn that lesson, but unfortunately, it's one that he learns too late. By the time he gets there, there's already a bodycount.

So in RE4make, he can't be that everyman anymore if his mission has any chance of succeeding. He has to be more than the everyman. He can't hesitate, he can't hope that things will work out okay. He has to own every single one of his decisions, the chances he takes have to be calculated, and he can't fall into the same well-meaning traps.

Leon can't be held to "normal people" standards. To do so erases the progression of his character arc. And he doesn't hold himself to those standards, either. He has to be better, because if he isn't, people will die. That was the lesson he had to learn.

When I criticize Leon for his flaws, I'm not hating on him or trying to be mean. His flaws create the conflict that fuels his story -- and that's what makes him a good character.

Within the context of the story itself, what would normally be seen as virtuous qualities in a person are actually the problem. And that's what makes him so sympathetic and compelling. You want to root for him because he's trying so hard to do the right thing, but him doing the right thing is what gets people killed.

I love him for that.

[bbyboybucket]

*sighs* I didn’t wanna do this today besties, but IF I SEE ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON, ONE MORE EDIT, ONE MORE ANYTHING ATTACKING SAM FOR THE THERAPY SCENE IMMA LOSE MY MIND. I don’t know why specifically today, but I swear my fyp has given me like 4 videos of the therapy scene between Sam and Bucky, attacking Sam and talking about how “mean he was to Bucky”.

Literally people out here saying, “he hurt Bucky’s feelings so much and Bucky had to act like he didn’t 🥺” “Sam was all he had left, he was his only friend and betrayed him by saying he didn’t wanna see him again 🥺” “Sam was acting like Steve did when he left Bucky” “Sam was being so mean to him and I felt so bad” Those are just SOME of the comments from ONE VIDEO.

I can’t with y’all bc how many times do we gotta go over this? Sam didn’t do shit wrong here. So what, he said he didn’t wanna see Bucky again after the mission? That’s the only thing even remotely “mean” that he did the whole time. And truthfully, I’d say the same damn thing. Y’all are acting like Sam betrayed their friendship somehow by saying that. But literally, at that point, they weren’t even friends?

They barely knew each other outside of Steve. Sam was the one who’d been reaching out to Bucky for months only to get ignored. He put in effort to be Bucky’s friend, or even just an acquaintance and Bucky was shutting him down. They weren’t friends and the reason why was literally Bucky.

Then, the whole reason the argument was even happening is because Bucky had been on an angry rampage for days, directing that anger at Sam and being an absolute dick to him. Imagine if you’d been trying to be nice to someone, only for them to completely ignore you, then one day they just show up at your work place, going off on you. Would you not be pissed?

Then Bucky tags along on that mission and keeps on making comments, being passive aggressive, etc. Sam had been very patient with Bucky, repeatedly brushing off his attacks and letting it go. The poor guy could only take so much shit before he let a little anger out. Also, in the realms of how unfair this was to Sam, he’d already been incredibly stressed over the decision before, he had a lot of personal issues he was dealing with, he just found out about Isiah, and two cops just treated him shitty based on his race. And Bucky just keeps adding on to it with his drama.

He had every right to get snappy in that moment. And truthfully, what he said wasn’t even that bad. Literally all he did was be like, “let’s just get our work done and if you wanna keep being mad at me, you don’t have to be around me anymore when we’re done.” It’s not like he was out here being malicious. And you know what? It may have hurt his feeling a tiny bit (I doubt it really did tho) but I guarantee you that Bucky had hurt Sam a lot more, and on multiple occasions too.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of sympathy for Bucky in that scene, truly, but that sympathy doesn’t come from Sam “mistreating him”. It comes from the obvious turmoil in his head and self esteem issues. So as much as it’s okay to feel bad for him in that sense, it’s absolutely not okay to twist things into making him a victim in the situation.

Bucky was a being selfish asshole. 100%. His feelings about the shield were valid, it’s understandable why he was so upset. But that’s not an excuse for him to lash out at Sam. He quite literally was taking out his own issues on Sam and that’s not okay at all. Bucky had the completely wrong approach to voicing his feelings. He even acknowledged this TWICE. Once in that scene, when he asks about rule number two, because he realized he’d hurt Sam. And then at the end of episode 5 (I think it was 5) when he actively apologized for his shitty behavior and not being considerate of Sam’s feelings.

If the character himself can realize he was being problematic, then why can’t fans? Y’all are literally taking shit out of context and ignoring other significant lines/scenes to fit your own agendas. There’s absolutely no damn reason to demonize Sam in that scene or in any way at all. If you really think he was doing something wrong, you missed the whole point of his character arc and are completely misunderstanding the purpose of that scene. The scene was written to shed light onto both of their feelings and inner struggles.

We were supposed to sympathize with both of them for different reasons. What was not supposed to happen, is misconstruing Sam’s very valid feelings so you can woobify Bucky more. It doesn’t even make sense to act like Sam is somehow bad. As I’ve said multiple times, he did nothing. The whole scene was meant to point out that Bucky was in the wrong. Literally, Bucky was written to be a dick for both of their character developments. The purpose of Bucky’s rant, the “if he was wrong about you then he was wrong about me” speech, was to emphasize his selfish, rude behavior. Even if it was showing that it stemmed from insecurity, we still are supposed to see how wrong Bucky is. There’s no reason to see him as innocent here, Sam is the innocent one.

So I’ve said this before, I’m saying it now, and I’ll sadly probably have to say it again, but can yall seriously quit with the slander of Sam and other characters in the name of Bucky? Because it’s annoying, disrespectful, and complete bullshit. You have 10 million real reasons to feel sorry for him, you don’t need to make up shit and tear down other, innocent characters for more.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[frogtanii]

hq boys as the crimes they’d commit

warnings: CRIMES, crackfic, probably many typos idk i’m so tired lmaooo, cursing, drinking ??? idfk 😩💦

an: and i did this for what?? inspired by hq hcs royalty @sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock (AJSKSJ SORRY FOR TAGGING Y’ALL IF YOU SEE THIS, IT IS DEF NOT UP TO PAR W Y’ALLS WORKS ILY)

karasuno

sawamura daichi- insurance fraud!! somehow this is such a dad crime to commit?? dadchi didn’t try (dumb excuse, how do you accidentally commit insurance fraud smh) to commit insurance fraud but at one point in his late-thirties, he was very very broke and was already working as much as possible so, he decided to fake an ankle injury, as you do, and filed a bunch of claims which made him bank. daichi kept doing it until he was able to quit one of his jobs and buy himself a really nice suit and a rolex (uhhh 🥵). he somehow never got caught tho and to this day, none of his friends know how he was able to afford a tesla on a cop’s salary (sorry daichi but acab 😔✨)

sugawara kōshi- child abandonment!! ok you can try and fight me on this but i feel in my bones that suga absolutely despises children. he can tolerate ages 10+ but anything younger than that, he will punt them into the next dimension. the thing is, people just assume he likes kids because of how good he is with his team which is why his aunt begged him to babysit his nephew taro. taro was being an absolute brat when suga took him out for the day and he was 👉👈 this close to snapping. he put taro down for like 3 seconds to pay for their ice cream and when he turned back, the demon spawn was gone. he panicked, running around the park looking for taro when it turns out, taro was just bent down behind the bench. some random karen called the police and suga has never craved murder more.

nishinoya yuu- arson!! you CANNOT tell me nishinoya doesn’t have a ~murder~ playlist that he listens to to get himself hype (me too noya, me too). one night, he got a lil too hype listening to start a riot by duckwrth and watching demolition videos on youtube. he snuck out of his house to an empty shed like 30 minutes away and maybe... lit it on fire while genocide by lil darkie played on a speaker nearby. what he did NOT anticipate was the absolute size of the fire so he freaked out and called the firefighters who promptly called the police. he didn’t want to get grounded so he called daichi to bail him out. daichi still told noya’s parents 😔.

tanaka ryūnosuke- vandalism!! tanaka had been on alt tiktok and saw a group of cool friends spray painting an abandoned building. he thought “that’s cool, lemme do that!” but then he realized he had no friends (AHDGS JK I LOVE TANAKA). he asked nishinoya who was grounded from the arson incident and he knew he definitely couldn’t ask daichi, suga, asahi, or enoshita so he decided to go it alone. that proved to be a MASSIVE mistake. he got the supplies, arrived to the building of his choice (thanks saeko :3), and decided to spray paint a huge p3ni5 in bright red paint. he finished “successfully” and zoomed back home. what he didn’t realize with his two-and-a-half braincells is that he signed his glorious piece with his full name. the cops were at his house the next morning...🧍

hinata shoyō- forgery!! hinata did NOT think that forgery was even a crime. how was he supposed to know that he wasn’t allowed to copy his mom’s signature on a permission form! all he wanted was to go to an overnight training camp 😿

kageyama tobio- attempted murder!! kageyama swears it sounds worse than was and he is absolutely incorrect. what happened was so much worse. he and hinata were having a competition to see who could hold their breath the longest underwater (you can’t tell me they haven’t done some dumbass shit like this) and kageyma lost almost instantly (he has the tiny lungs of an asthmatic). he didn’t want hinata to notice so he held hinata’s head under the water for like 10 seconds. suga walked in though, saw hinata thrashing around in the water and immediately called the police. kageyama never forgave him.

tsukishima kei- cyberbullying!! first of all, i had no idea you could get arrested for cyber bullying!? that being said, neither did tsukishima who spent 80% of his time making fun of people online (and on his real account!! bold). eventually one of the people he bullied (hinata) reported him on instagram and his very lame account was deleted (pls don’t bully people online 😤).

yamaguchi tadashi- shoplifting!! andjksh this is so funny because this scenario has happened to me and i can just SEE this happening to poor tadashi. yamaguchi gets super late night cravings (and usually tsukki will walk with him at like 3 am 🥺 nEWAYS) so he’ll sneak out and walk to the mini-mart near his house. one night, he was so tired but also super hungry so he went onto his nightly routine and basically sleepwalked into the store. he picked out his favorite chips and candy bar (which are sour cream&onion lays and milky ways in case you were wondering 😌✨) and just... walked out the store without paying. the store clerk was mysteriously missing so yamaguchi made it all the way home, ate half the bag of chips and passed out without realizing what he’d done. once he did, he cried for 2 hours straight.

nekoma

kuroo tetsurō- telemarketing fraud!! kuroo originally did telemarketing fraud as a joke?? like he was trying to prank call someone pretending that they had lost their information and they actually gave it to him??? he was mildly concerned but even more excited. he did it over and over again but he never used the info for anything. to this day, kuroo literally has a notebook full of credit card numbers and bank account passwords but he refuses to use it because he believes it’s ✨wrong✨(but it isn’t wrong to take all that information in the first place under false pretenses, not realizing that once people find out, they are forced to close credit cards and accounts but go off self righteous king). once he brought the book up to kenma and he offered to sell it on the dark web. now kuroo feels less bad about what he’s done! :D

kozume kenma- computer crime!! pfttt this one seems kinda obvious but what do you expect from kenma :). he spends so much time on the internet, he’s definitely picked up some less than legal skills that still help him now 👀. kenma did little mini crimes like getting into other people’s wifi but his crowning achievement was when he hacked into the minneapolis pd website and had it so when you opened the page, a black lives matter screen came up. he never told anyone that it was him who did it but he thinks it’s the best he’s ever done.

yaku morisuke- racketeering!! yaku, the feral king, ran an underground gambling ring in the basement of nekoma (do they have basements?? who knows! i don’t!) during his third year. the only reason it didn’t get shut down was because coach nekomata took a portion of yaku’s profits whenever he won (which was literally all the time). everyone on the team has lost money to him which is why they never play with him anymore. they won’t even let yaku play monopoly 😔.

haiba lev- indecent exposure!! poor lev’s head is so empty, he tends to fall for whatever pranks his senpai’s do to him. this time kuroo had somehow convinced him that in order to grow his schlong, he had to run outside naked for 10 minutes because the moonlight had special growing properties. lev was a lil scared ngl because he was already superrr tall and didn’t need to grow his height (or his dick ((boy is hung)) but poor lev is insecure) but he did it anyway. long story short, an old woman saw him parading around the neighborhood naked and called el policia. 0/10 dick did NOT grow and had to spend a night in jail naked 😿

aoba johsai

oikawa tōru- prostitution!! KAKKAKA iwazumi made fun of oikawa for being so shitty and said that he couldn’t pick up anyone if he tried. flattykawa took this as a personal challenge and went out onto the street, asking people if they’d have sex with him. with the way he was asking (and the way he was dressed), people assumed he was a paid w h o r e and someone eventually reported him. iwazumi had to pick oikawa up from the station- he never let him live this one down.

iwaizumi hajime- battery!! it wasn’t technically battery but oikawa is a lil bitch and overreacts (at least in his words -_-). the amount of times iwa-chan has beat the absolute shit out of oikawa is uNREAL. he just can’t handle the stupidity sometimes so he just smacks the crap outta him. not for real for real but the way oikawa reacts, you’d think a murder was occurring. one time, shittykawa screeched so loud, they got a noise complaint -_- hajime hates it in these streets.

matsukawa issei & hanamaki takahiro- conspiracy!! issei and hiro have a secret blog where they discuss conspiracy theories and such but one day, hiro found an article that explained how jfk’s death was an inside job. he sent it to issei who began to theorize how HE’D do it. that devolved into a massive thread on their blog of how’d they murder a president which blew up and caught the attention of the cia who sent the a letter telling them to quietly delete the blog. they did because they were terrified but they kept the letter and now it’s framed in issei’s apartment.

kyōtani kentarō- assault!! baby is an angry little boy but for all the right reasons. he was at a bar (when he’s all grown up, duh) and he spotted an absolute drunk creep hitting on a girl who clearlyyyy did not reciprocate his feelings. kyōtani, being the respectful king that he is, went over to the guy, pulled him by the jacket and beat. the. shit. out of him. while the bartender was happy with the fact that the creep was out, he was not impressed with the damage to his bar. he just sent kyōtani out who casually adjusted his leather jacket and rings, and hopped on his motorcycle to ride away into the night. i am the FATTEST simp for this man ONG 🥴

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi- stalking!! poor ushijima has no idea how intimidating he can be. he was on a train late at night after practice and the woman sitting across from him left her purse sitting on the seat. being the gentleman that he is, he took the purse and followed her to return it. the only problem is that the closer he got, the faster she ran and when he tried to speak (yknow with his scary, deep, baritone voice), the woman screeched and called the cops on him because he was a “strange, big man who was following her home.” when the police showed up, ushijima was painfully confused and just held up this tiny ass purse in his massive hands. the cops laughed.

tendō satori- ???!! no one knows what crimes (or how many 😳) tendō has committed but each of his teammates have different ideas- ushijima: “i don’t believe tendou is capable of committing any sort of felony. well, maybe murder”; semi: “of COURSE he’s capable of crimes??! do you know how many times i’ve seen him come into the dorm with a suspicious stain of red on his sweater?? *shudders* if i end up dead, tendō did it...” in actuality, the only crime tendō has committed is ~drugs~ but he’s not bouta tell his friends that.

goshiki tsutomu- would be a VICTIM!! my baby tsutomu would NEVER commit a crime!!! i love this man with my everything and the only crime he’s committed is being too damn cute 😤🥺

[baoshan-sanren]

The YinYang Master (2021) liveblog

okay so the city is where the people live and outside of the city is where the monsters live, got it

the yinyang bureau are the dudes who fight the monsters? sure

off the bat, chen kun (qingming) is accused of like killing a bunch of people in the bureau, no clue if he actually did it, but the person i assume to be the female interest does not believe a word of it (or does she)

anyway, he gets the fuck out of there, good for him

seven years later?

are these?

three raccoons in a trench coat? 

there are. there are three raccoons in a trench coat, each wielding a sharp and deadly weapon

it’s been ten minutes and this movie has got my attention

OH WE’RE GETTING CHEN KUN WHO FIGHTS WITH A FAN

AND DRINKS LIKE A FISH

AND HOPS AROUND WITH HIS HAIR LOOSE GOOD LORD

hello flying demon things I like your wings

here’s the female love interest again and uh

she’s

a bit terrifying now

whoever is dubbing her must’ve smoked two packs a day for ten years because holy hell that is some gravel

the flying demon thing stole some red gem that I assume is very important

SHE TOOK HIS ASS DOWN WITH ONE ARROW 

NOT TO BE A LESBIAN BUT OH MY GOD

okay these things aren’t raccoons, what the hell are they? are the weasels? I’m gonna call them weasels 

anyway I’ve had these weasels for 15 minutes but if anything happens to them

THEY ARE FERRETS 

A FERRET SWALLOWED THE RED GEM THING 

this is quickly getting out of hand you feel me?

OH MY GOOOOOD WHO IS THIS LADY VILLAIN NOW

can you imagine having to report to your boss like, I stole the thingy but then I was defeated by three ferrets 

I would die on the spot, like rip to this dude but I’m different

she has some kind of freezing ice power and I like it

now where are we

THERE ARE BADASS LADIES EVERYWHERE IN THIS GUYS

GUYS

I HAVE BEEN MISLED ABOUT THIS MOVIE

AND WHAT IS THIS LOOK? GOOD GOD

anyway, I’m not feeling too hot about this poor ferret’s prospects bc that red gem thing TALKS TO YOU and it sound pretty evil

ah shit, so the yinyang bureau is all like “those ferrets belong to qingming so he’s the one who did it, which means we were right to accuse him of trying to steal the red gem seven years ago”

no wonder this dude drinks, everyone’s out to get him

so the red gem is actually the snake? or like it was the snake? or is the soul of the snake?

this official-looking dude is just talking shit in front of this gravelly female chief of the bureau like he’s got a death wish

good, tell him to zip it

oh shit now we’re getting some past events and they are.... eventful

hm this cimu guy is getting a lot of screen time for a dead dude, perhaps he is not dead?

just now realizing the yinyang bureau boss lady is zhou xun I feel stupid

BOYA 

he’s in some deep shit for losing the tribute to a drunk dude and a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat 

and I have to say that’s a pretty valid thing to be in trouble for

"I fought with Qingming and he fled in defeat” *SNORT*

did this girl just

hit him with a really long cucumber?

w h a t  i s  h a p p e n i n g

her name is Shenle and I am now signing the adoption papers 

her and boya are going into the monster realm to find qingming and I can just sense a bunch of oncoming shenanigans 

I was right

i’m just now realizing that qingming intentionally left boya this spell so he can summon the bridge and come find him

what are you up to mister?

GUYS THIS MONSTER REALM 

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED GHOST CITY IN TGCF AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

qingming just made boya his familiar and let me tell you

not nearly as romantic as it was in the dream of eternity

BUT FUNNY THO

qingming is kind of a dick too and I think I like him more

jghgjfkdghdks what is this little red monster thingy what is happening

idk what makes costume designers stuff chen kun in these high collar robes but I am here for this look

ACTION ACTION ACTION FIGHT

this is a lot of romance for me personally right now but

i’m fucking really digging the fact that both chen kun and zhou xun are like 

grown-ass adults and experienced actors

she’s even older than him by a couple of years I think so like

for a hetero romance this is basically the only kind I care to see

I KNEW CIMU WAS UP TO NO GOOD

oh maybe he’s dead actually? what is his DEAL

okay this lady isn’t listening to anything you’re saying like why even bother

this poor fucking ferret

OH NO 

NOT THE FERRET

okay this bitch can eat my entire asshole, fuck her and her righteous bullshit 

aaaand now we’re all getting drunk

chen kun shouldn’t be allowed to do anything ever seriously he’s too hot to exist I feel attacked 

hey asshole lady, do you think maybe now you can admit you were wrong and qingming was right?

now we’re all “I should’ve trusted you”

she’s literally going “when this is over, this bracelet will be yours again” I know there’s some magic thing happening w the bracelet but that’s an euphemism if I’ve ever heard one 

you just called him a monster to his face like 10 minutes ago

this lady’s got some balls

qingming you’re too nice, I would’ve made her work for it

OH WE GET TO MEET THE BAD GUY BOSS

hnggg this fight scene is just

I am watching this film for the plot

oh crap the asshole lady is dead already?

that was a short redemption arc

and the snow lady is dead too hmpf I actually liked her unhinged little laugh

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW WHO THE BAD GUYS IS

i feel like the entire monster-fucking dark side of tumblr needs to get a load of this dude

where you going spider dude?

oh this is

not a good development 

okay I am definitely not vibing with boya being depicted as an absolute dumbass for 90% of this film like

you could take him out of the movie completely and not lose any of the plot which is... not good

STOP STOP I’M ALREADY DEAD

I have to say these special effects are a bit over the top but so visually satisfying omg

also like

making me actually invested in every single small character within a space of 2.5 hours is pretty impressive 

hngggg

i’m starting to think that the whole point of this movie is to showcase how hot chen kun is in any clothing with any hair under any circumstances 

oh so now that the bad guy is dead the asshole lady is alive again

which is kind of a cop-out but whatever 

“you promised to live and die by my side and never betray me” BIG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO BETRAYED HIM FIRST

ahh I get what he did now

that’s pretty cool

and kind of sad

I’m not crying kind of sad but that shit hurted

still, I do like this ending

although this whole thing would’ve been much better as a drama at least 30 episodes long I don’t feel like I wasted 2.5 hours

so yeah, I def rec this if you have time to kill

[buddietomytarlos]

Season 5 Episode 3 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts under cut to keep the tag clean :)

- I heard this ep was pretty awful bc it’s just cop propaganda but here we go kiddos

- Wait if they tied him up like that how did he get out of it to go to the hospital and such 😭😭

- Why would you put that picture in your house it looked so???

- Did he just lick—

- Can we stop attacking Michael for absolutely no reason thanks like damn he’s completely right...

- God poor May having to stay back and work that would destroy me tbh.

- I was about to be like “why didn’t he close the trunk so he wouldn’t know?” but then realized that he would have heard it and known

- HARRY SAYING THE SMARTEST THINGS THOUGH WE LOVE HIM but also ask for their police number! or call the police and ask if there’s a cop nearby and if he’s legit (which he isn’t so)

- it’s fuck COPS not firefighters. NOT CAP DISRESPECTING THE ANARCHIST’S WISHES…. THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE ROOTING FOR HIM??? And it was so ooc because Cap is supposed to be calm and collected on the job and leave it all at the door. Also so did the people who called 911 not tell anyone in their group that they called for help like I’m sure that’s what you’d do first…

- He really put the same stuff that Harry got out of the first time back on Harry lmao what a dumbass

- This rapist freak hates her because HE attacked HER and in self defense she shot him in the dick??? Pathetic but not surprised...

- Not him putting THAT picture up???

- May helping out by finding a social media post muah she just be solving everything in a better way huh… also thank god that woman actually posted it even though he had a badge like—

- “It’s not your fault, and it’s not mine either” it literally is your fault but okay lol

- Honestly this ep should feel like a criminal minds ep since it’s a kidnapping but it doesn’t bc all it is is pro cop… they really don’t know their audience if they think we want more cop stuff.

- Michael asking questions that Athena the Cop who’s supposed to— SHE JUST LEAVES? WHAT THE FUCK?

- Athena going into the no police zone… but also why is it up in the first place? Because of the outage?? Or is it there like permanently…?

- However I will praise her for that “police” video to find Jeffrey that was smart

- DON’T TELL HIM THAT THE DUDE IS STILL ALIVE? ATHENA JUST FUCKING STOP TALKING. OH THE FIREFIGHTERS HELLO!!!

- JUST ARREST HIM ALREADY? Girl all you had to do was shoot his hand or something, not like five times?!?!!?

- Now that you physically have his car can’t they trace where it went or…???

- Okay but Michael being so good at putting pieces together and such this ep!??! slaps hard

- So… the whole point of the blackout was so we could have this cop propaganda episode…? It would’ve been so much more interesting and better utilized if they showed the struggles of the black out and taking down the hackers instead. It ending like this is just so??? It’s dumb as hell and makes it all completely unnecessary????????

- No but the way Buck was looking at Eddie BYE

- BUCK TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF OF THE BED. “Hi honey, I’m home.” ew

- Harry 😭😭 you’re definitely not going to be fine after being KIDNAPPED

- Maddie… why are you talking like that…….. MADDIE PLEASE DON’T DO WHAT I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO DO...

- ngl I almost laughed “maybe you should go home”. GIRLIE READ THE ROOM? HE DOESN’T WANT YOU HERE YOU OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME

- She knows it’s coming LMAO rip that’s kinda sad

- NOT HER USING THE PANIC ATTACK AGAINST HIM?? All he asked was to sit down to make the blow easier…

- But if she’s known he wasn’t into her why continue with the relationship clinging onto something that’s obviously not working?

- Eddie being silent against the fridge with tears brimming bro that HURTS

- EDDIEANA BONES THO!!!

- MADDIE 😭😭

- The next ep looks pretty good tho 👀

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

[mageicalwishes]

Read on AO3: here

Read the previous chapter (On Tumblr): here

Summary: “I’m egging your house for a dare, but you’re parent is a cop and now they’re yelling at me, so I told them you were my ex and you wronged me, and now you’re coming outside, so please just go along with this, I really don’t want to go to jail” AU When Simon Snow agreed to egg some posho’s house, he never thought he’d find himself here - The only thing standing between himself and a criminal charge, the word of a handsome stranger.

Chapter: 4/?

Words: 3,831

Baz

SS (20:14): What are you up to anyways?

ME (20:15): Well, I was reading a book. But now I’m talking to you ... Obviously.

SS (20:15): Oh shit, sorry. I can text you l8r if you prefer. I didn’t mean to bother you.

ME (20:16): No. Don’t worry, you're not bothering me. I wanted to talk to you … You’re far more entertaining than Austen, anyway.

SS (20:16): Okay cool :D

SS (20:16): Austen? Like ... Jane Austen? Is that for school?

ME (20:17): No. Just for fun.

SS (20:18): WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

SS (20:18): I had to read Pride and Prejudice for the GCSEs. It nearly killed me!

SS (20:19): I’ve never really been the best at reading, but that just took the piss! I swear to God, I didn’t understand like half of the words!

ME (20:20): That's understandable, to be honest. I will admit that the language can be a little 'flowery' at times. If you’re not really into reading, Austen isn’t exactly the most accessible literature. The stories are good though.

ME (20:21): Did you watch the film?

SS (20:23): Yeah, no kidding. I despised that fucking book!

SS (20:23):  And, kind of. We watched, like, half of it in class, but we never finished it - Ran out of time.

ME (20:24): That’s unfortunate, it's pretty good, as far as adaptations go. I have the DVD somewhere. If I can find it, we could watch it together when you come over, if you’d like?

SS (20:24): Aw yeah defo :) That sounds good.

SS (20:24): Are you free tomorrow?

SS (20:25): Not for me to come over dw - I know you want to wait till your dad is away.

SS (20:25): If not dw. I know it’s a bit short notice. Soz.

ME (20:26): Don’t worry. I’m free, as far as I know. Why? What did you have in mind?

SS (20:26): I was wondering if you wanted to come play footie with me?

SS (20:27): Josh and Nathan are out.

SS (20:27): So it would just be us 2.

SS (20:28): If that’s okay with you? I know footie with just 2 is a bit difficult.

Pathetically, my chest surges at the sight of it … Just us two. It’s more than okay. It’s perfect.

BP (20:30): That’s okay, I’m sure it would still be fun - I’d like to come. What time were you thinking?

SS (20:30): 1:30ish. I can do later/earlier if it’s better for you tho.

BP (20:31): No, that won’t be necessary. 1:30 sounds fine.

SS (20:32): Okay good :) The pitch is a few mins away from the home. I could come and pick you up if you like? We could walk down together?

BP (20:32): Is my house on the way?

SS (20:33): Nah. Not exactly. I don’t mind tho it’ll only take, like, 15 mins more.

BP (20:34): I can just drive down to your house. There’s no need for you to go out of your way.

SS (20:34): Oh okay, sure. Sounds good :)

SS (20:34): Lazybones ;)

SS (20:34): Do you need my address?

BP (20:35): Yes, Snow. As talented as I may be, I’m not a psychic.

SS (20:35): Aha lol. Bigheaded much?

SS (20:36): I live on Pallot Road. Number 61.

SS (20:36): Do you know where it is?

SS (20:36): Idk the postcode off the top of my head. Soz.

BP (20:37): Yes, I know it. I’ll be there at 1:30.

SS (20:38): Cool. Can’t wait :)

I falter, unsure of how much of myself I’m willing to give away. I’ve never been good with openness - Hiding behind sharp words, and a false air of indifference. In that respect, I’m Snow’s antithesis. He’s a boy without walls - Open and forthright, to a fault. Defenseless, yet not afraid. I don’t believe that he’s ever tried to conceal any part of himself, around me - Even when we were literal strangers (Which, despite how it may feel, was barely a week ago). And, we’re certainly more than that, now (Well, I hope so, anyway). So why should I keep pretending? Why not just be real? Why not be a little more Simon Snow? I mean, he could hardly fault me for it - That would just be immensely hypocritical.

I type out my response in a rush, staring down the screen critically. Realistically, all I’m doing is parroting him. And while I know that, it feels like something much more. It feels like a partial admission of another truth. Another, much more frightening truth … That Simon Snow appears to have found himself in my affections, in a way that nobody else has before. That being with him makes my heart pulse, and my soul sing … That I’m a helpless, lovelorn fool.

Nevertheless, I scrunch my eyes closed, and hit send quickly (Before my courage, inevitably, dries up).

BP (20:43): Neither can I. It’ll be great to see you again.

————————————————————————————

He’s already standing outside when I pull up to his house. His bronze curls whipping around in the wind, messily, and a hand tracing the hem of his hoodie absentmindedly.

Shyly, I slide out of the car, and pace over to him.

“Good morning, Snow.”

“Hey, Baz!” he chirps, smiling over at me.

“You’re actually ready on time, this time. Congratulations!” I toy.

“Hey! Piss off!” He gruffs, sweeping his hair back, out of his face. “I was three minutes late. That doesn’t even count!”

“Au contraire - It most certainly does count. I was deeply inconvenienced by your casual approach to promptness. I had to sit on the stairs for a whole five minutes ... I looked like a complete prat.”

“Not my problem,” he shrugs. “You didn’t have to wait right by the door, you moron. That is completely on you.”

“Whatever,” I scoff, my face flooding with heat.

He lets out a laugh - Deep and rumbling. “You know for a smart guy, you really are awfully dumb sometimes, Baz”

I roll my eyes dramatically, unable to think up a comeback. Stumped, I decide to move the conversation forwards ...

“Have you got everything you need?” I ask, nodding my head towards the backpack in his hands - Not even bothering to question why he’s chosen to hold it that way.

“Yep. I brought a ball, and everything!”

“Perfect,” I mumble, nudging my hand against his, and pulling the bag from between his fingers. “I’ll just put this in the boot, and then we can go ... Hop on in, Golden boy.”

————————————————————————————

Simon

Baz is ruthless on the pitch (Just like I’d imagined he’d be) - Pelting across the grass at a breakneck speed, and booting goal after goal into the back of the net. Truly, He’s a sight to behold - All straining muscles, and wicked grins. I’d be basking in it … If I wasn’t so bloody annoyed.

He’s absolutely thrashing me (Of course) - 5 to Nil. It’s an absolute disaster on my end, having, apparently, lost any sort of scoring capability. And, to make matters worse, he’s not exactly coy about it - Assaulting me with a constant stream of ' Are you even trying, Snow 's and over-exaggerated, false yawns. Utter prat.

In my desperation, I stick my leg out in a particularly botched attempt at a tackle, accidentally clipping the back of his ankle, and sending him tumbling to the ground. Shit.

“Oh my god,” I breathe, squatting down onto the floor besides him, and flipping him over with a tug to his shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry. I was trying to get the ball, I swear I didn’t mean to do that.”

He glares up at me, his full lips twisted into an acrid scowl. My stomach sinks at the sight of it. Shit. I’ve really fucked this up.

But then, he’s chortling heartily (Apparently incapable of maintaining his cruel act, any longer). His face scrunching up delightfully, as his eyes well up with joyful tears.

“What the fuck even was that, you complete barbarian,” he laughs, clutching at his stomach, stupidly. “Couldn’t stand losing, so you thought you’d just try knocking me out instead ... That is definitely a foul, Snow”

“I know, I know. It was an accident though, I swear,” I whine. “Just ... Shut up, and let me help you, you dick.”

I stick a hand out, pulling him up into a sitting position. He’s a mess - Small clumps of mud and grass clinging to his face, and a nasty, bloodied scraze disfiguring his knee. Yet somehow, even with all the marks of my stupidity, he still manages to look infuriatingly good.  

I take his face in my hands gently, tilting it towards mine. The laughter dies out, suddenly - His face falling marginally, as he goes eerily quiet. Unperturbed, I continue my ministrations, brushing my fingers across his face, sweeping away the debris as I go.

“I really am sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

“It’s alright, Snow. I was only teasing. I know it was an accident. It’s fine, really, it’s just a little scrape - Nothing a wash and a plaster won’t fix.”

“Okay,” I huff, relieved. “I didn’t bring any with me, though ... But, there’s a first aid kit back at home. We could go and patch you up there?”

“No. If it’s alright, I’d rather do it back at my own house. It’ll be much less awkward that way”

“Oh,” I drone, my voice weak with disappointment. “Sure.”

How the fuck did I manage to mess things up so quickly? We were supposed to spend the rest of the day together (I mean, neither of us ever actually said that, but it was definitely assumed), and now, within one poxy hour, I’ve managed to kill all chances of that. I'm such a bloody idiot.  

“Cheer up, misery-guts,” he giggles, “There’s no need to strop - You can come too. You might just have to sneak in through the window, or something.”

“Okay, sure,” I beam, stupidly elated. “I can handle that.”

————————————————————————————

Baz

As it turns out, he really can't handle it.

“Christ, Snow,” I hiss. “You’re being way too loud. Shut up.”

“It ain't my fault! I don’t know why the fuck you thought I would be able to climb up this thing properly. It’s made for flowers Baz, not people!”

He has a point, to be honest. I knew that getting him up the trellis would be a challenge, but we didn’t exactly have many other options.

I thrust my hand out of the window, gripping onto his forearm tightly, and shifting my weight to support him properly.

With that, his body starts shaking violently, a poorly concealed chuckle escaping his lips.

“I told you to shut it, moron,” I scold (Although, there is no real malice in it - The smile is clearly audible in my voice).

“I’m trying, really. It’s just - It’s just this is like some shitty version of Romeo and Juliet, Baz. You can’t blame me!” He laughs. “It’s funny!”

“Yes well … Romeo was much more graceful about it than you!”

“Shhhh. I’m doing my best. I’m almost up! You should’ve gotten me a rope or something, it isn’t my fault!”

“Oh yes, Snow,” I deadpan. “Sorry. Let me go and grab the ten foot rope I keep under my bed at all times”

“Hey! I don’t know what kind of kinky shit you’re into! You could've had a rope lying around somewhere!”

I don’t even try and justify that with a response, choosing, instead, to focus on helping him up.

Eventually, we manage to pull him into the room - Snow plopping down onto the floor, with an unceremonious thud.

Laughing hysterically, he props himself up against the wall besides me, and rests his head against the side of my shoulder.

“Thanks for helping me up. I was so scared I was gonna fall back into that stupid rose bush.”

“It’s no problem. I didn’t really fancy having to explain to Father why you, of all people, were sneaking into my bedroom.”

“Hmmm,” he hums, his throat vibrating distractingly, against my shoulder. “You need me to help you with your leg?”

“No. I can handle it … I was going to have a quick shower, actually, if that’s alright with you? Get it properly cleaned up and everything, you know."

“Oh yeah, that’s fine,” He murmurs, lifting his head up, and shifting his body sideways (Away from mine). “What - I mean what am I supposed to do, though? Do you want me to hide somewhere?”

I puff out a breath, amused by his sincerity. “No, Snow,” I drawl. “You don’t have to hide yourself away in the wardrobe. You can just wait around here. Nobody is going to come in - Don’t worry.”

“Oh, right” He mumbles, glancing his eyes down towards the floor. “Cool.”

“Yeah. There’s plenty here to keep you entertained, though. You could play on the PS, or watch some TV … Or, you could read something, I suppose. Although, I know you’re not big on that.”

He smiles over at me, his freckled cheeks puffing out wide. It’s frustratingly adorable.

“Yeah, maybe not that. I’ll probably just watch TV, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise,” I say, jumping up, and treading over to the en-suite door. “I won't be long, though, honest - I’ll be back in half an hour, latest.”

————————————————————————————

It definitely took me longer than half an hour. Although, that was Snow’s fault entirely - His lovely tackle, had left awful clumps of mud matted into my hair, so I had to give it a proper wash.

When I step back into the room (My hair still annoyingly damp), Snow has got himself starfished out across my bed, his chin propped up in his hands. He looks completely at ease, laid out in my bed like that - Even with the, admittedly, rather intimidating decor of my room.

Stepping besides the bed, I scoop his legs up in my arms, and swing them over to one side of the bed - Making room for myself besides him.

“What are you watching then, Snow?” I ask, laying myself down onto the duvet.

“Dunno. Some crap cop show. I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“No?” I ask, gasping with faux incredulity. “Would you like to play some FIFA instead? That way I can thrash you again, without sustaining any serious injuries.”

“Don’t be a wanker, Baz,” he scolds. “You know I didn’t mean to do that!”

“I know, I know,” I coo. “I’m only messing with you. Don’t stress.”

He glares at me, pouting his lips out, slightly. “Okay then,” he agrees, a sly smirk spreading across his face. “I actually play a lot of FIFA, you know. So, I reckon I’m going to enjoy beating you … Would serve you right for being such a cocky bastard!”

I raise my eyebrows in challenge, punching out a quick, mirthless laugh. “I’d like to see you try, Snow. Do your worst … We’ll see who comes out on top!”

————————————————————————————

For all my arrogance, I will admit that Snow was actually a very worthy opponent (Although, I’d never tell him that).

Considering that I’d been playing everyday for the last two months, I had assumed it would be an easy victory - But, as it turns out, I was wrong. He put up a more than admirable fight - Actually leading for the majority of the match. But, of course, I still managed to beat him - Hammering in a goal on the ninety-third minute (Much to Snow’s dismay).

“For fuck sakes!” He fumes, throwing the controller down onto the bed, childishly. “I almost bloody had it, as well!”

“There, there, Snow,” I tease, pressing a hand to his shoulder in a mocking comfort. “There’s always next time.”

“Piss off, Baz!” He whines, flopping back against my pillows with a dramatic sigh. “I’ve had enough of this shitty game!”

“Alright,” I breathe, slowly laying myself down besides him, as I desperately try to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside me. “Do you want to play a different game, then?”

“No.”

“Okay,” I drawl, my voice rising with uncertainty. “So … You want-”

“Just wanna stay here for a bit,” he gruffs.

“Okay. We can stay here, then.” I agree, my voice hushed.

As silence settles over us, I steal a glance over at him.

He’s got an arm stretched out over his face (The synthetic material of his football shirt, straining against his broad shoulders, perfectly), and beneath it, I can see the hint of a smile playing at his lips.

Unobserved, I take my opportunity to scan my eyes over him, appreciatively. Sprawled out against my bed, he looks positively obscene. His hair mussed intoxicatingly, where it rests against my pillow, and every revealed inch of skin decorated with constellations of moles. For a moment, I envision pressing my lips against them, lavishing each and every mark with the attention they deserve, but I quickly restrain myself. Allowing my mind to wander now, when he’s so close to me, would be an irreparably idiotic move.

In an attempt to cool myself down, I flutter my eyes shut, and shift my focus onto the steady puff of his breathing - Slow and constant. In and Out. In and Out. In and Out …

————————————————————————————

Embarrassingly, I’m halfway to sleep when he speaks next.

“Baz?” he whispers, poking my arm lightly. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” I mumble, my voice deep and lazy with tiredness.

“Okay. Cool,” he sighs. “Can - I mean, can I ask you something?”

“Hmmm. Of course” I hum.

“It's just that, I’ve been thinking … Did - Did you mean what you said the other day?”

I scoff, quietly. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific, if you want me to answer that, Snow.”

“Right yeah. Obviously,” he huffs, clearly frustrated.

Opening my eyes, I tilt my head over to look at him - Our eyes meeting immediately. His deep blue boring into my grey. This close, it’s far too intense.

Caught off guard, and humiliatingly wonderstruck, I avert my eyes, focusing my gaze on the canopy of my bed, instead. I feel my face flush with heat, once again, and pray to God that he doesn’t notice. That would be the last thing I need, right now.

“I just - I mean what you said to your dad,” he continues, stammering slightly.

“What bit?”

“When you were all like - 'Oh don’t worry Father, he's one of mine',” he explains, making an absolutely atrocious attempt at mimicking my accent. “I just mean like - Do you really have lots of, like - I don’t know ... Guys?”

“No,” I drone. “There’s no one else ... Never has been. I just said that to get him off of your case. He doesn’t really like talking about that stuff, so I figured it would be effective.”

“Oh,” He breathes. “Okay.”

I pause, unsure of what else to say. The silence stretches between us painfully - Tangible tension flooding the air. And then, I feel it. It’s barely a brush at first - Easy to play off as a simple accident, given our close proximity. But then, he continues. Pressing our hands together more fervently - His skin impossibly warm against mine. It’s searing - The contact lighting me up from within, as hopeful sparks ignite within me.

I gulp, audibly. “Why?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

“Just - I’m just like … Curious, I suppose,” he murmurs, his finger tip tracing it’s way along the side of my thumb. It’s feather-light, but it weighs like lead in my heart. And I think that, maybe (just maybe), he might be trying to tell me exactly what I want to hear.  

He presses on, nervously, his voice wavering slightly. “It’s just that -”

Suddenly, there’s a banging at the door - Loud and insistent.

Panicked, I shove him off of the bed, sending him flopping onto the floor with a girlish yelp. Biting back a laugh, I rush over to the door, and pull it open ever so slightly.

“Basilton. Dinner is ready. I don’t know what on earth you’re doing in here, making all that racket, but you need to come downstairs now,” Father chastises.

“Of course. I’ll be down in just a minute.”

“Alright. Hurry down though. Please don’t keep us all waiting. We don’t want to start without you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Father,” I taunt, my tone laced with sarcasm. He’ll definitely lecture me about that later (He’s never impressed with my 'petulant attitude'), but, right now, I don’t particularly care.  

Closing the door behind him, I scurry over back to where Snow is sat.

“You have to leave,” I whisper, rushing out the words with a frightful urgency. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time. You just - You really have to leave. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone ... So, you can't really stay.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he hushes. “It’s fine. Don’t stress. Do you want me to go right now?”

“No,” I cry. “Just - Wait until I’ve been down at dinner for a few minutes - Then you can leave … That way, you can be certain nobody will be creeping around outside.”

“Okay, sure.” he says, smiling over at me.

Looking at him - I hesitate. “But - Are you sure you’ll be okay climbing? If you’d rather wait, I’m sure that I can find some other way to sneak you out, a little bit later. I could say I'm going out to the bin, or something. If you were quiet, we might be able to get away with it.” “Baz,” he sing-songs, teasingly. “I’m sure I can climb down without your help. It’s only one floor.”

“Yes well,” I deadpan. “Forgive me for thinking it may be best to find an alternative route. You didn’t exactly dazzle me with your speed or grace in getting up here.”

He snickers, squinting his eyes at me daringly.

“Yeah, but it’ll be easier going down. So chill. I can handle it - Trust,” he reassures. “You’ve seriously gotta go and get your dinner now, though. If your dad comes stomping up here to yell at you, it’s game over for me! And then fussing over this would've been entirely pointless”

“Okay,” I huff, standing and pacing over to the door, reluctantly.

Flashing him a quick smile, I call out a quiet “Message you later, Snow,”, and then, I leave him.

————————————————————————————

I’m just tucking into my dinner, when an almighty crash tears through the hush of the dining room. Of course, I know what it is immediately - Simon bloody Snow falling off of that god-forsaken trellis.

Fucking hell. I knew I should’ve tried to sneak him out another way.

I mean, what if he’s hurt himself? It’s not exactly a steep fall, but it’s certainly enough to do some damage. And the only reason he is even here, is because of my stupid, desperate plot to get to spend more time with him - And now, he's probably laying out there with a broken leg, or something. God. I'm such a selfish dolt.

Anxiously, I slide my phone out of my pocket, beneath the table, and hurry out a quick text.

ME (19:27): Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Do you need help?

I wait, holding my breath as my leg bounces under the table, impatiently.

SS (19:28): Nah. Don’t worry. I’m good.

SS (19:28): I might’ve killed your flowers tho :/

SS (19:28): Sorry!

I smile to myself privately - Doing my best to hide my grin behind my hand.

That bloody disaster is going to be my undoing, I swear.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 17

IN THIS EPISODE OF CRYING CAT GALLERY:

“Nice?” Cinder laughed under her breath once, and returned to examining her threads. “Oh, come on, Glynda. Favor isn’t in my vocabulary, remember? It’s just a shame about your cape. The emblem looked good, and your new outfit would look much better with it. That’s all.”

CINDER FALL IS REALLY BAD AT NOT BEING GAY ON MAIN

we’re bacc baby B) let’s hop right in

When Glynda awoke from her dream of being consumed,

alright calm down we’ve literally JUST started we’ve literally JUST woken up can we chill Out,

“Cinder?” she yawned, surveying the room.

sneak peek of that Sweet Domestic Life we dream of once this enemies-to-lovers malarkey reaches the ‘lovers’ bit but no we’re just surrounded by enemies. two of them being the writers!

Still, she couldn’t go wandering around Cinder’s apartment in only her underwear, but rooting through the drawers and closet didn’t seem— 

STEAL HER CLOTHES BABY!!!! PRACTICALLY MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The clothes didn’t seem Cinder’s size or style; they were casual and soft, a black t-shirt and steel-gray sweatpants.

okay but the idea of cinder getting up and being like ‘do i have ANYTHING this Unit of a woman will fit into’ and like actually having to think abt it and then folding em up and leaving em there like ‘hope she finds em okay’????? peak. absolutely peak. shes so gay but does she know it? no,

The fabric had enough give to make it work, even if only barely, and she looked in the mirror to see the loungewear looking more like tight athletic wear. Funny that.

kc and diesel envisioning this: oh yes. oh YES. ohhohughohguhghuhu yessssssssss--

She had—trusted? Been trusted? She had told Cinder fragile little things, and had heard similarly earnest words in return. It had been strange. Nice.

i love glynda like. feeling out of the edges of her own comfort and Pleasant Feelings with this almost-wariness? like every word she uses to describe it just Edges a little closer to Softness but she has to taste the word first to see if it fits. her narration is SO fun 2 read yall what the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

This was Cinder’s house. It wasn’t just any house. These were Cinder’s belongings, Cinder’s resting places, and she was wandering around without Cinder.

Voyeuristic was putting it mildly. Glynda needed to find Cinder, fast.

HJGDKJGHDFSSDF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! glynda just. losing it at such LITTLE THINGS is so goddamn funny jesus christ. this is cinders house!!! her THINGS!!! fuck she NAPS IN HERE. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god i love how soft this is. i know exactly why this is happening and i know exactly how [REDACTED], but i’m living for this moment. living IN it.

Spread out on the table was a wanted poster with a mugshot of Cinder on it, defaced with black permanent marker and crease marks.

cinder: yeah they didnt get the eyebrows sharp enough and im mad abt it

“Well, your clothes are in the wash.” Cinder said, turning around, coffee in hand. It was so…domestic. “It would help if you had more than one set.”

shouting from a distance: you two should get MARRIED

“You’ve been wearing the same dress the entire time I’ve known you.”

look at these lil JABS... the JESTS... the JOQUES... i cant believe theyve been married 10 years already. im also deeply enjoying how very indulgent this section is. I Am Seeing,

Glynda scoffed, and when Cinder reached for the sugar on the counter, she gave it a subtle nudge with her Semblance. It slid out of Cinder’s reach.

JESUS CHRIST LOOK AT THIS WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! soulmates.

Cinder shrugged, still looking elsewhere. “Mercury thought it was funny.”

“Mercury?”

cinder: my son and BOY. and, one day, yr son and boy, tho he won’t take it lying down.

Cinder scoffed. “You just don’t appreciate my good tastes.”

i feel like the evidence is truly stacking up to very much prove this statement wrong but u kno what lets let her figure that one out for herself

“A souvenir from the brats,” she said. “And a letter excusing the mess they made of the place.”

KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS

She said, “I just didn’t know you had kids.”

KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS

“It’s fine,” said Cinder tersely, but not harshly. “It isn’t wise to advertise in my business, so keep it to yourself.”

KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD YES that little like... indirect admittance that em and merc r basically her own kids is a fucking BLESSING from ON HIGH are you SEEING THIS SHIT????????????? we have been fed today. my crops r watered and my lambs bouncing over the green fields as we feast. what a moment. wow. what a chapter.

When Cinder finally finished hers and rose to get another cup, Glynda allowed some of her thoughts to solidify. She said, “I want new clothes.”

as a side note, i think it rly shows the strength of the writing that the feeling of the narrative can change so much, esp when u take into consideration that we jump between the points of view of TWO characters? like with cinder we’ve gone from sheer fury to gruesome sickness, and with glynda we’ve gone from Complete Dissociation to this gentle and soft morning and you can feel it absolutely fluffing up in every word! still love how good the writing in this fic is its NUTS

Cinder shrugged. Her usual clothes were still in the wash; right now, she was wearing high-waisted black pants and a loose top tucked in.

diesel i want you to know im thinking abt what u said abt the high-waisted pants mods in sims 4 and im giggling

The necklace with Glynda’s earring hung from her throat.

i didnt mention it before but this is the... second time this chapter its been explicitly mentioned? and i know we could be like ‘ah the MEANING’ but honestly im like glynda r u rly not over the bobbies y

“You aren’t dead in there, are you?” came Cinder’s voice.

“No.”

“Well. At this pace, I will be before we get out of here.”

cinder, who probably once spent 7+ hours choosing an outfit: look its only cool if i do it, dipshit,

Unsnapping the lone earring left to her, she brought it to her collar and fixed it there, under the clasped button to dangle just over her sternum.

When she stepped out of the changing room, Cinder looked up. A slow dawn of interest eclipsed the boredom on her face. Glynda stood very still as her gaze flowed up and down again, pausing over the earring.

Cinder touched the matching one hanging from her own neck, almost in surprise. She cleared her throat. Her tone was very deliberately mocking: “Cute.”

OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD are we for SERIOUS right now??? jesus christ. jesus christ. we’ve moved on past married now this is ride-or-die shit right here what the FUCK. jesus CHRIST. theres- i- i have THOUGHTS on this matter that are spoilery and so i will SIT ON THIS EGG but HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT

“Nothing,” Cinder said, smoothing her expression into something unreadable. “I was just thinking—nevermind.” 

no, no, go on, speak yr mind, please do, because if u were abt to offer to embroider that shit then PLEASE say it aloud for the audience at home

“If I was a cop, you’d already be in jail.”

“You’re welcome to try to take me in, darling.”

im sure its obvious but im BESIDE myself @ this flirting. im losing it. this is SUCH a treat and i KNOW that [REDACTED] [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“That’s because of your—” Cinder was already gone. Glynda pressed her lips together, but watched her go. Rolling her eyes, she finished, “—Grimm tattoos.”

Whatever. She could gloat about figuring it out later.

/CHOKES

WHAT

@kc and diesel: CALL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT THE FUCK

okay okay. wait. okay. wait. theres. wait. okay. i cant. am i safe to say anything. probably not. so. im not gonna. but. you WILL be seeing me in dms, friends,

okay okay im moving on im gonna. keep going. okay. okay. im going. (but i will be in dms)

there was a brief discussion of dinner: namely, that neither of them wanted to make it.

oh god why is this me

“Give me your new cape.”

“What?”

Finally looking up, Cinder said, “Your cape. Let me have it, and I’ll put your emblem on it.”

THANK YOU MA’AM AND THANK YOU FOR READING THE FIC HAS ENDED ITS ALL OVER WITH!!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!! WE RODE THIS WHOLE TRAIN TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNFORTUNATELY IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY.

Glynda ignored it for the time being and sent the vector of her emblem to Cinder.

i deeply love the idea of all hunters and huntresses carrying a vector of their emblem JUST IN CASE,,, SMTHNG HAPPENS,,, its right alongside the list of their next of kin and their will and testament,

Cinder Fall was a name built on Dust and money and extravagant demonstrations.

But Cinder Fall was also a woman with a family. A home. A favorite blend of coffee.

this is absolutely kicking me in the dick for reasons i cant say but also for reasons of SNOFT because oh my god. this is. like. this is why i rly vibe w. cinder in this fic and is also like one of my favourite characterisations of cinder of ALL TIME (which is why all my fav cinder fics typically have it as a Theme). shes SO good and SO dimensional and i just. god. GOD. i LOVE HER!!!!!!!!! ID DIE FOR HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA CINDER FALL IS MY ANGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL

It felt like being told a secret, like being told a thousand secrets, and not knowing what to do with them. All she could do was hold them in her palms, delicate as she could, trying not to break anything.

GIMME ARMS TO PRAY WITH INSTEAD OF ONES THAT HOLD TOO TIGHTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /goes apeshit

And because of that, Glynda asked, “Do you have any more stories?”

Without looking up, Cinder drawled, “About Witches?”

“Or dragons.”

Gold flickered her way.

👈😳👈

“They’d already been built by the Witches that came before her,” Cinder replied. “But she’d been a headmaster at one of them, and a teacher before that.”

Something in Glynda’s chest gleamed.

lore lore lore lore LORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lets GET THAT LORE as i peer blearily thru tears,

“...You haven’t just been pretending not to remember things, have you?”

firstly: called out lmao JHGSDFKJHGFSD and SECONDLY:

“The moon?” Cinder made a face. “I’m not sure if it’s that literal. Your soul is powerful, but it’s not a physical thing. Besides, the moon is…”

“Broken,” Glynda finished for her.

“Yeah.”

hm what a fascinating thing hm how interesting hm hm HMMMM 👈🤔👈

Even as they ate, they both seemed lost in their own heads, but somehow, to Glynda, it seemed perfectly clear that both of them were wondering the same thing.

wait glynda. hey glynda. did u uh. ever. did u uh. text winter back or w

WE DID IT CHAPTER 17!!!!!!!!!!! this was a Lot (4,500 words? yall better be careful before those 10k chapters return to Haunt Us) and was also, a Lot. holy shit. theres. i. id make a spoiler edition but tbh its just the SAME SPOILER thats like. rly driving this chapter. i know what its for. i know it. i feel it. dont trust winter more like dont trust the writers

ANYWAY I LOOK FORWARD (?) EAGERLY (???) to chapter 18, unsure when the vibes will turn rancid for the worse. when. honey. theres a big storm coming.

[badanimereviews]

summer 2019 anime sum-up

lmao i realized i never did this and posted the fall season b4 this.... oops

kimetsu no yaiba: tbh started out kinda meh. and now it’s turned into one of the new big shounens. i was not expecting that. nearing the end got rly good and i was rly looking forward to more episodes! tanjiro gets cooler and cooler! animation is rly nice (thanks ufotable) and the way tanjiro’s water is animated. like. aesthetic asf. it’s so good. i love black-haired emo dude and zenitsu (my spirit animal) and ofc nezuko she is adorable im c r y. side note: the hashira? i think they’re called? some of the ugliest fkn characters i’ve seen in ages like flame boy? stone boy? i HATE them. and the gem dude too like man get a new tattoo artist on god.... he needs it.,,,,,,and inosuke is so pretty it’s unfair

dr stone: ok man dr stone rly went off. tbh. i’ve always been a whore for chemistry since reading the flavia de luce series (btw, i want more books of) and watching this just tickles my noodle brain in a good way... who needs prozac when i get a shitton of serotonin from watching senku dick around....  (btw what is going on with what’s his face and the girl. yuzuriha????? i can’t remember. i love senku don’t get me wrong but i need their perspective too... bc i hate lion dude... so much.... dick....) again i will repeat that i am a whore for chemistry so i get oFF on this. backgrounds are amazing/ animation so nice n clean (most o the time lmao). i thought i would hate the black n white haired trickster boi and ms yellow ponytail and suika but no! dr stone is such a good show that they are now great, loveable characters. also i am senku and chrome’s whore so jfc. man, i love the explanations of all the chemistry shabang, but some things i think would be better if explained! like senku doing physical labour at the beginning- ex. making all those pots and building that shit by hisself. i know he weak af. yes he smart but like. construction? difficult. pottery? even for me the artist . difficult. and that shed of his was filled to the brim. HOW. anyways, i love this so much i am crying constantly

just realized i didnt need to write about dr stone. oh well. 

danmachi 2: wtf yo. haruhime is so pretty but not a fan of her personality! bell still cute af and still don’t rly like aiz! animation good as always, and my god i shit myself whenever the argonaut theme starts up bc that is ? one of the best pieces of non-sawano hiroyuki pieces i’ve ever heard? addicted to it. and the opening! love the dynamics, the brief ‘rain’ scenes like when mikoto slashes the raindrops and just her motion basically? as an animator that is what i aspire to accomplish because i just love that. tiny little scene. 

arifureta: this would have been so much better had they dragged out mc’s op-ifying process! made him suffer more! i explained this briefly in my ‘first thoughts’ post for this season, but story-wise and pacing-wise his power-up could have been so much more deserved and gratifying. think shield hero- loser suffers, gets angry, slowly builds up power in an epic payoff! would have been so epic too. and also if they’d made his gained powers less.... crazy nerfed. again: HE SHOULD HAVE SUFFERED MORE AND THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOW. harem thoughts: yue- meh. sucky char honestly. shea- my fav girl, she is a great character don’t judge- sexy and love her personality and love her character design and love how much fanservice she gets lol. panty flash ftw. dragon girl- discount darkness honestly , tho nice design. and mermaid girl- yuck, annoying,  DO NOT like the ‘papa’ trope! (ahem sao.) it’s gross. also just fuck mc’s classmates honestly- paladin dude sucks ass, healer girl OOF that last episode ruined her, samurai girl is ok i guess. hate ai-sensei too like shut UPP annoying ass HOEEEEE (postscript: opening=very epic too)

kanata no astra: plot twist? check. trillion well-done plot twists? check. this was done very well. i am so happy. all those plot twists and turns would usually suck in any regular anime- but this was written with GODLIKE ability. thank you, lerche. legit, this was such an enjoyable ride, i eagerly awaited each new ep! typically i hate space-related stuff but like! survival stuff gets my goat.... like this was good- (tho maybe more technical-stuff in the survival theme would make it so cooler) what shocked me the most: (spoilers alert) didn’t end up hating quitterie or funi. (tho the puppet made me want to strangle smth) luca’s gender had rly confused me but i’d decided on him being a boy- so basically that reveal left me like WHOA. i died. did luca rly have to show emo boy their tity tho... kanata losing his arm gave me the yeeeks, charce being the traitor was made sO WELL into a surprise even tho i’d kinda already suspected him<- like that was just fucking amazing writing there. gj. and ares the princess! ok man! shocked! AND also the whole clone thing, just fucked me right up. up the ass. like there are probably more plot twist layers in this than a fkn ogre has.... anyway shrek aside, yun?’s character arc was very pleasing, i think that was done very well! and the ending made me UwU like BRO? goals tbh. yeah this is a hidden gem and is just so good, so well-written overall. 

cop craft: didn’t have high expectations. i am now,,, quite,,, shocked &,,, blown away. sweetheart this is a good fucking show. so why @ livechart.me DOES IT HAVE 7.40 STARS WHEN FKN ARIFURETA HAS 7.72. can someone explain this to me? i’m outraged. LIVID.  matoba and tilarna were amazing characters btw! loved their dynamic! briefly i thought it might get romantic! nope, it didn’t, so it’s all good. actions scenes were epic, tilarna’s design and outfits were so much nicer than i thought they’d be like. she is so cute. and the op- man, if that is not such a bopper vibe then idk what is. i could watch it forever. it deserves so much more than what it’s got rn.

naka no hito genome: (serious question: is this considered some sort of isekai?) genome gave me btooom vibes honestly but like- this is SO much better than btooom and most game/trap/ kinda shows. fkn BOP of an op, especially the sequence at the end with short clips of each character in action (nutt). paka-san was a good boy and he deserves irl merch. i fell in LOve with all the characters (bubble boy= hot, akatsuki= ok meh actually kinda boring, karin= hot and i want her to punch me, ruromori= beautiful 12/10 would let her stalk me, sleepy eyes boy= baby + dazai vibes and hot af, twin boy= also hot, onigasaki= hot and love him so much, and loli girl= her light grenades got annoying but nice char design) anyways yeah more of this would be epic. i wanna see sakura and her twin reunite, and how they get out basically! also animation quality was very good which is surprising considering it’s a silver link anime.

kono yo no hate de koi wo utau shoujo yu-no: i include the whole title bc this is a good anime. (also livechart.me why 7.27 stars i will fuck you up) only meh part of this is the return to earth from dela granto bc that was like a culture shock and honestly at that point i’d forgotten a lot about what had happened on earth and didn’t care as much. btw, f ayumi and f the other brown-haired oneesan. mio and kanna ftw. obvs i didn’t understand the sayless x takuya thing like dumbass horny teenager . why u gotta creampie the worst girl. u have mio. bruh. (tho mio x ‘oyabi!’ boy is a great ship) also, takuya’s mom? keiko-san? idk if you’ve noticed but that’s literally my name so yeah just glad to finally have some keiko representation. altogether goodass anime. the time travel/ rezero esque reset thing almost got me but this was done well. so no problems. both ops very good. first song was bae, second also bae (just realized it’s by konomi suzuki, one of my waifu idols, so yea nice) and ed2 also so pretty! also yu-no’s design was rly pretty, the outfit colours, and her pigtails rly suited her :)

granbelm: sorry this is the last one lol this was a long ass post! other than the fact i dont rly like mecha this was good.... action, CHARACTER designs aesthetic asf, honestly rly pretty ok. i liked the cast, very diverse and more depth than most shows of this ilk. op was nicely choreographed- especially the part where the girls’ faces are contorted by their gems, showing their magical girl side. nicely done. mangetsu didn’t end up being that bad a char, and honestly? suigetsu is best girl and deserved better. and the ending too- like, bro, that made me kinda sad. some off points: anna’s mom was a little unrealistic as a mom like woman- please learn to control your child, and, white-haired girl’s sister should have played a bigger part, based on how her parts in the opening were emphasized! (quick note- blue girl, love her, great bad guy, when she dumped anna made me so happy honestly, she is beautiful, and i couldn’t actually decide who i wanted to win between her and suigetsu....)

hope u enjoyed this bad review. pls share ur opinions w/ me on some of of these more controversial shows. thank. 

[serenagaywaterford]

random thoughts:

jsyk, Serena swam in the place my dog poops. I hope Fred stepped in it. Die Fred.

(spoilers obvs)

NOT. ENOUGH. JANINE. the only time i cheered out the entire 3 episodes was that one glimpse of janine.

I got to see my girl Alma though which was lovely.

OMG. Can... I just... that scene with Emily walking through the hospital was the dumbest fucking, most American stupid scene ever on this show. It was so fucking cheesy and absolutely 10000% unrealistic. Who actually thought it was a good idea? They should be fired. Or sent to go work on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Not even that shitshow aka SVU would do something as painfully cliched and cheesy as that. Firstly, this show is fucking stupid. Okay. If all this shit was happening, Canada would have got like MILLIONS of refugees. Seeing the cops escort some raggedy refugee would be common af. Maybe it’s the baby thing? Still, Canadians aren’t gawkers like that. We also don’t like embarrassing displays like that. It’s so American it hurts.  NOBODY CLAPS LIKE THAT IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL. It’s a quiet place, okay. Also, why don’t any of these doctors have anything better to do? Anyway. I hated that scene so much.

Nick is so boring. So boring. He’s just a wet doughnut. I sorta liked him getting angry at June but also I wish I cared about anything he has to say. Bye Nick Bland. Good riddance.

Lawrence’s one liners? Funny. Lawrence? Disgusting awful psycho. I hate him sfm. 

Fred? Also disgusting. I hate him 10000x more. Everything about him is repulsive. He’s so much worse this season. I hate everything about his entitled, poor me, manpain. I hate hearing about any of his feelings. Fucking die already. I found him interesting enough as an antagonist in the show before but no longer. Redundant.

Beth. Too good for Nick. Too good for this world.

Too much staring. I AM SO SICK OF IT. It wastes time. Is redundant af at this point. I’m bored. Stop it.

Moss... um. Honey. I love you but... what the fuck was up with all the over-acting? 302 seemed particularly bad. Like I just can’t take it anymore. Who directed 302? They should be fired too for making her do that. Also, lady from Transparent, what the fuck was up with her acting?

Luke is useless. Like, I get it. I get why he’s a huge damp sulkbaby but I mean. I don’t want to see it? I’d rather just not see him at all cos literally I can’t recall a scene of him not being fucking useless or ignorant. Or half-assing it. I want to like Luke, honestly. But I just... don’t. I love the shit outta Moira and Erin, and I adored Moira/Emily interactions. But Luke? Miss me with his manpain.

Once again, I hate Lawrence. He is no good. He’s so fucking creepy and gross. I do not understand why people like him? And I don’t mean, “I don’t know why people like this character.” I mean, “I don’t understand why people like this person.” As a character, sure, he’s interesting and revolting and does his role well. He’s even got some funny lines and Whitford has great delivery. I mean these people who LIKE HIM. As a person. They think he’s great and a good guy. I don’t get it. Are we watching the same show? He’s a great character and a terrible person. That said, he’s still a dude and I’m not about to say he’s such a great character that I want to know all about him. Nah, bros. I wanna know all about Emily, Moira, Serena, Janine, Alma... and June I suppose but we already have quite enough of her. I don’t care about Lawrence’s backstory or emotional turmoil. I don’t need his perspective cos I’ve seen it before, I know it already. It’s in so many movies, books, and TV. So, he may be a well-written character but he’s not a fascinating one. If we wanna dig around in the psyches of bad people, Serena and Lydia are far more fascinating cos bad women’s stories are so much rarer to explore in any depth.

So, June got her feet lashed to shit again. And then she’s just walking around like no biggie next scene? Did the writers forget the first season when June couldn’t walk at all? All I’m asking is a bit of a limp?

June going straight to the house that just housed the handmaid that ran away with June’s baby seems... well, like complete bullshit. Never.

SERENA ISN’T WEARING HER WEDDING BAND. She’s done. She hates that man and I hate the fact everyone is pushing her to just get over it. Fred... is horrible in literally every single way. Every. Single. Way. (And sure Serena is horrible in some ways, but not nearly the same ways as Fred.) I just want Serena to be free of him. I want her and June to murder his ass. Graphically. That is the only violence I want to see on this show in the future. OMG, I can’t actually explain how much I hate him and I vomit in my mouth thinking about Serena having to get back with him. Even if I know she has to in order to survive. Ugh. 

UM. Okay, the “blood against the snow” bit was really interesting. I don’t recall Offred saying that in the book but Atwood brings it up often when talking about red. It was clever to include her own words, just like last season with the “men are afraid women will laugh at them...” bit.

But speaking of weird inclusions: Lawrence reciting book!Offred’s line about how easy is it to invent a humanity for anyone. It was curious they had Lawrence saying that to June, whereas it’s Offred in the book thinking that about the Commander.  “He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, offkey, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. What an available temptation.”

My wife, when Nick showed up in 303: “Oh, this prick again!” Just out of nowhere cos we don’t talk about fandom shit. She has no idea the extent of my sick obsession with this show. She doesn’t know how much I loathe Nick lol. She’s completely casual and even she can’t stand Nick. Which is so lovely. And then when he was yapping about going to the front, she just muttered, “Hopefully he’ll die there.”

OH MY GOD. I HATE MEN. That whole Commanders meeting scene made me want to throw up multiple times. It started with the words “shipment of females” and just got progressively worse with every passing second.

Except... LMAO. June: *sees Fred at a meeting* Fred: Hello. June: Hey you see Serena? How’s Serena? Is Serena okay? Serena’s tough. She’s great. She’ll be okay. I love her. *proceeds to do the world’s worst cringe-inducing seduction* I think on some level even Fred knows it’s bullshit.

I love comparing June’s seduction of Fred to her seduction of Serena. They’re very interesting contrasts. She’s so painfully fake with Fred. And only sort of insincere at times with Serena. 

Man, Sylvia is a dick lol. LOOK RICHMOND IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET ACROSS WITHOUT YOUR LIME GREEN CAR BLOCKING THE ONE MOVING LANE OF TRAFFIC!!!!!! Jokes aside... I actually really liked that scene of Emily finally calling her. That was touching and the closest I came to actually getting sniffly.  Actually no. Traffic on Richmond is no joke. I’m not kidding. That was a dick move, Sylvia. LOL.

June saying Nichole gets her politicianess thing from Serena absolutely fucking slayed me. I don’t even care if she was emotionally manipulating her af, it seemed genuine in parts of that convo. TWO MOMMIES. June used her flashback!June voice at one point. Honestly, these two actresses run this town.  You can tell how broken Serena is tho cos she’s oblivious to how manipulative June is being. She’s been aware in the past as soon as June does her whole “Say nice thing, bond over babies, ask for something” method and called her on it. It’s June’s only trick. It’s transparent af. And Serena knows it. Yet, she seems completely wooed now and not at all suspicious. So, when she gets her wits together again, I suspect Serena won’t be so malleable.

I’ve said a bunch of stuff about June/Serena stuff in my tag rants so I won’t repeat it. I just fell in love with it all.

PRAISE BE!!! We didn’t actually have to see a Nick/June sex scene. Behold His miracle! I was so relieved. And then... curiously they continued that love-theme-y music all the way over into Serena’s scene with June and that was not a coincidence.

I know people really like that Boomtown Rats song being the music to the fire... And it’s a jam. But... it’s about a real school shooting and I feel like that’s just a little... off? (Not to mention Tori Amos’ version is better, imo.) I mean, okay, I did some drama courses in university and I did a thing about that song so I researched it all and it just to me doesn’t fit at all. A 16-year-old girl shot up an elementary school. And somehow, call me crazy, but that’s completely inappropriate to use in this scene. I get female rage, etc etc. I get they didn’t want to go super obvious and use a song about burning houses. But considering how EXCELLENT a song they chose for 3x03 with that Roy Harper track you’d think they’d find something better for the bed/house burning. Not only that but the motive for Spencer was ... literally nothing. She didn’t like Mondays and thought it would be fun to kill a bunch of kids--which is the complete opposite of Serena’s motivations. It just devalues it.

I want more of Emily’s journey. This is the first time I’ve actually been interested in Emily tbh. And Clea Duvall is a treasure.

I want a Moira/Emily BROTP. Honestly Moira just seems like the best friend anybody could have?

WHY IS NICK A COMMANDER?! WTF????? Was I just not listening carefully enough? Is he? Cos I don’t really pay attention when he’s onscreen tbh and the wifey was like “Why’s this guy a commander now?” And I was like, “What do you mean he’s a commander?” Honestly, Nick is just like a piece of furniture. I barely notice him onscreen lol. Okay, this has nothing to do with my dislike of him. It honestly does not make any sense. We saw that other Commander only got promoted because his wife got pregnant. WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PROMOTE NICK? What on god’s green earth has he EVER fucking done well? Why the shitting hell would they promote a Guardian who, under his watch, has had one handmaid kill herself, another one escape/”get kidnapped”, wife cheat on him then get executed, allow a BABY to get kidnapped, the house get burned down????? All those things seem like Very Bad things and put all together seem like something that would put him on the Wall for being such a shitty employee rather than someone who deserves MORE responsibility. There’s literally no reason to make him a Commander. Just conscript him to the Chicago front. You don’t need a reason. He’s a grunt. Eye or not. I DO NOT GET IT. Fred gets demoted and Nick gets promoted? Nahhhhh mans. Not buying it.

So little Nick. I love it. I want zero Nick, but this’ll do. I’ll even put up with him being a Commander (LMAO) if it means he goes away for a while.

Lawrence calling out June’s terrible seduction technique (it is really bad), and calling Fred stupid = :} 

OK BACK TO THE BURNING WATERFORD HOUSE... i cannot abide how SLOW June is ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. Like, she shows up in Serena’s little pyromaniacal bedroom inferno and is like “COME ON!” and pulls her out of the room in what appears to be a hurry. Then as Serena and Rita are rushing out June just fucking stops and starts staring at all the smoke as if she’s on fucking shrooms. Then there she goes on her bullshit... Hey, bish, the house is literally burning down cos your crazy ass soulmate set fire to her own life and maybe you should leave. No? Not interested? Sure, stand there. Feel up the walls like I did once on MDMA. Makes total fucking sense. TAKE YOUR TIME WHY DON’T YOU? Why not? It just reminded me of 2x13 when Rita was saying “You gotta leave NOW!” and June just took it upon herself to carve a bunch of shit onto the wall for no goddamn reason.

OKAY. I WAS RIGHT. The other night when I was like, “I think I know that beach.” I do know that beach!!! My dog likes to take dumps right where Serena was. (I clean up after him, don’t worry.) I can point out that beach on a map if you want. There are also heroin needles and ticks in the bushes. There is literally a water treatment plant 200m away. I go swimming exactly where Serena was and once a dead fish floated by and I had to wrestle my dog away from it. I have been swimming there a lot. It’s nice in the summer. HOWEVER, poor Yvonne in her drysuit doing that in fucking November or whatever. This lake is fucking cold even in summer sometimes lmao. Like, I’ve spent so many hours right in that spot... cos well, I used to live right up the road so duh. Of course now that I don’t live there now and it was winter so why would I take my dog swimming, that they decide to film there. OF COURSE.

Speaking of filming, not that anyone cares, they were at the St Lawrence Market at one point. It was so obvious. Wasn’t really paying attention to any of the other locales tbh. If I watch again and pay attention I prolly could pick out a few more but honestly the only person that entertains is myself.

I still can’t believe Serena was being reborn on dogshit/dead fish beach. 

[holydepths-blog]

✩ watergate :3

this took too fucking long

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? i feel like emma cos she’s more angry dramatic and he’s more emo dramatic but i was also gonna say he probably should to accomodate for his heightWho threatens to leave but never actually does? neither of them, they’ve both left one another repeatedly. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? both of them, see above. Who trashes the house? i don’t think either of them … i can’t see him ever doing it but if he did she would kick his ass things need to be NEAT Do either of them get physical? basement gate tease ! but no … it’s soft ….  that’s been erased from my memory … they’re emo not violent  How often do they argue/disagree? all the time but about #dumb shit nowadays … used to be more serious but now? you like chocolate ice cream better? … idiot  Who is the first to apologise? if they had a penny for every time mickey has apologised to her both of them could quit their low salary jobs and move to france 

Sex:

Who is on top? bold of u to assume they aren’t both switches Who is on the bottom? ^Who has the strangest desires? Any kinks? mind ur fucking business … snuggling is a kink Who’s dominant in bed? i don’t think dominant has ever been in either of their vocabulary where’s the john mulaney gif abt soup in the lap … regaurdless … probably he has to be she’s babyIs head ever in the equation? she suck the dick for free and mickey is a good boy, he knows how to go down on a womf If so, who is better at performing it? i don’t know how sex works is it easier to eat thrussy or suck a dick … they both try the only thing that matters is that once he said she was better at sex than [ redacted ] Ever had sex in public? private public … like not dressing room public but like, romantic lookout in a car public … hope no coppers come 2 shine their flashlight Who moans the most? idk if this is my sexism or my lesbian but women should, legally, be required to moan more than menWho leaves the most marks? he better swallow his masculinity and get used to concealer but i feel like that wld not be an issue for him, king ! he can’t borrow hers though it won’t match Who screams the loudest? WHO YELLSWho is the more experienced of the two? mickey. fucking duh. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they make love :3Rough or soft? soft … unlike his penis How long do they usually last? haha 8 seconds joe goldberg tease? idk how long sex even lasts in general …. solidly average is my guess Is protection used? he better wrap it before he taps it my girl cannot afford plan b . so yesDoes it ever get boring? not …. boring but ….. consistent. when emma gets too drunk she asks odette for sex advice bc she doesn’t want to bore ickey Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? nowhere is strange if ur brave enough.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? …. yes ….If so, how many children do your muses want/have? she wants 27 children actually but literally anything from 1-30 will suffice …. they need a lot of help on his inevitable farm Who is the favorite parent? mickey is the fun parent so u already know who it is Who is the authoritative parent? REMEMBER the clip i sent u from the marky mark movie … she’s always the bad guy until he gets #fedup and he has to remind her that she’s not doing it this time AJSDKF Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? honeslty both of them unless emma hoards all the candy … selfish  Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? both of them they make fucking SIGNS …. its a little league game u dont need to paint the football stripes on ur faceWho goes to parent teacher interviews? they both go but mickey is better at them because emma always goes into teacher mode and tries to talk about Who changes the diapers? mickey does he’s a NURSE he is not grossed out , she is . baby poop is rank Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? where tf is that gifset from prison break when u need it … she does but only because she hates diapers and it’s only fair to pop a tiddie out every night for ur kid in exchangeWho spends the most time with the children? ummmm FAMILY FUN NIGHT x Who packs their lunch boxes?Who gives their children ‘the talk’? mickey he is obligated as a medical professional she don’t teach sex ed …. Who cleans up after the kids? emma but only because she’s a neat freak Who worries the most? both of them try to pretend they’re VERY cool and nonchalant and this is actually very easy until one of them cracks (probably her) and they both worry together constantly . solidarity babey ! ….. moreso her tho u cannot change my mind Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? auntie odette change my mind we said FUCK watergate lives , emdette rise 

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? both of them …. constntly …. disgusting Who is the little spoon? [ jake peralta vc ] everyone likes to be the little spoon, it makes them feel safe ! LOOK HERE buddy …. he is and i dont take questions , even when he was 10 ft Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? can he fucking keep his hands AWF …. thats coming from me not emma she appreciates it Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? both of them …. its CONSTANT … hand on the shoulder , touching someone’s back as u walk past …. SOFT ! n then the one gif  u sent from superstore where amy slaps jonah’s ass that’s emma How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  they actually fall asleep cuddling and wake up complaining abt falling asleep in a uncomfortable position… shut up abt ur back pain ur not 80 Who gives the most kisses? KISS kisses …. he. but know … she’s always kissing him on the cheek What is their favourite non-sexual activity? this is gonna sound g*y as hell but stay with me here ………. just being in the same place , even when they’re doing diff stuff . TOGETHERNESS …. vomit time Where is their favourite place to cuddle? the couch , i retract my statement about them not being 80 they actually fall asleep watching tv Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? casually ? she … to actually initiate eye emoji ? he How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , they know 2 other people 

Sleeping:

Who snores? he does im hcing this for ur own character If both do, who snores the loudest? she doesn’t SNORE she’s a lady Do they share a bed or sleep separately? they’ve been in 200 different stages of relationship ……. OTHER than depending on that , she sleeps better w him there :3If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they start far apart cos she’s a blanket hog but she always ends up next 2 him Who talks in their sleep? she mumbles sometimes ….. its nothing coherent What do they wear to bed? she owns 47 different stupid size xxxxxxxl shirts that were 2 bucks  from walmart and wears only that . i bet mickey owns a bathrobe, bourgeois pig … Are either of your muses insomniacs? idk she reads a chapter of whatever dumb shit she’s reading and has tea or wine and conks out ….. idk his business Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? idk abt taking them and ik its not the point but shes anal retentive abt keeping medicine in the medicine cabinet so THERE BETTER NOT BE Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? AS I SAID … they start out on opposite sides of the beg and end up more tangled than tangled (20whatever) Who wakes up with bed hair? his hair is floofy ,,,, Who wakes up first? i feel like that depends on his shifts …. she wakes up at the same damn time every week day …. weekends though she sleeps in for 10 yrs so him Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? emma tries and he has to leave bed anyway because the fire alarm goes off  What is their favourite sleeping position? she prefers it when she has all the blankets Who hogs the sheets? she does Do they set an alarm each night? they have JOBS does she look like pippa to u Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes so she can cry over dumb rom coms over somewhere other than the couch …… he’s invested in them , change my mind Who has nightmares? i already know ur about to say he does so im calling the cops on u end of story Who has ridiculous dreams? all of emma’s dreams are indistinguishable from bad acid trips Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? she sleeps in the fetal position he seems like a sprawler …..Who makes the bed? emma …. its gotta be CLEAN and if he ever says “why make it we’re just gonna sleep there again” its on SIGHT What time is bed time? whenever she passes out , always before midnight , considering they’re 72Any routines/rituals before bed? i bet they brush their teeth at the same time to see who can do it faster like they’re five year olds …. or that gifset from new girl where he’s like “ u read my walking dead fanfic ? ”Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? emma takes three cups of coffee to be able to be her CHIPPER self …. 

Work:

Who is the busiest? she has like a 6 hour work day so he for sure Who rakes in the highest income? i just googled nurses versus preschool teachers and he makes twice what she does …. laughs nervously …. glad she’s going back 2 school but elementary teachers STILL make less …. mr talbot got COIN ! Are any of your muses unemployed? no , freeloading is ILLEGAL Who takes the most sick days? i feel like the two worst jobs to go into sick are a literal hospital with immunocompromised people and a preschool with toddlers who dont wash their hands …. equal maybe Who is more likely to turn up late to work? despite her original beef with odette in the apocalypse verse emma is NEVER late to work Who sucks up to their boss? she cooks dinner , a nice LASAGNA for whoever to heat up and mickey has to break it to her that making whoever her superior is eat what tastes like glue will in fact , damage their relationship What are their jobs? hes a nursey  boy …. shes a teacher Who stresses the most? about life in general? her. about work? probably him. he’s dealing with LIVES she’s got the alphabet Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? they better they aren’t getting paid enough to hate it Are your muses financially stable? they’re not rich but they’re not dying and that’s what matters 

Home:

Who does the washing? emma because it relaxes her Who takes out the trash? he better , she does not like to  LOOK at things once they are thrown out … its smelly Who does the ironing? neither of them have ironed anything in their lives Who does the cooking? HE HAS TO IDC if he isn’t fuckign gordon ramsay she’ll kill them Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? emma Who is messier? if he leaves a single sock on the floor he is automatically messier than her Who leaves the toilet roll empty? that’s satanic neither of them Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? he does …. its just not REALISTIC that she does Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross ……hopefully neither ….. DISGOSTEING.mp4Who is the prankster around the house? anything STUPID is hers and hers alone but i feel like he’d do something relatively innocent and it would go HORRIBLY wrong like , hey emma come get y’all juice ….Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? despite being organized in every other aspect of her life emma has never kept track of keys in her life its a disease Who mows the lawn? he does , he shld do it shirtless so she can objectify him Who answers the telephone? mickey, she truly stares at it hoping it’ll go away Who does the vacuuming? emmaWho does the groceries? she would make HORRIBLE decisions ,,, he shld make the list and she shld get it Who takes the longest to shower? no sexism but she’s a girl Who spends the most time in the bathroom? see above 

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? yES like … they can afford groceries , make rent , but for literally every american except jeff bezos money is a problem in some area . this isn’t a hc just a capitalist hellscape How many cars do they own? two …. neither of them are very nice cars Do they own their home or do they rent? rent unless/until he gets the farm of his dreams Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? countryside thats where FARMS are … but like rn , coast cos there’s the ocean in town Do they live in the city or in the country? see above bbgDo they enjoy their surroundings? the goats of the future and the noisy neighbors of the current and past eras both leave something to be desired , but in general yes What’s their song? not to go all modern au but remember when stereo hearts was on their 2011 mixtape AJSKDF …. issa bop and its arguably the most cutesy singable on the playlist What do they do when they’re away from each other? bitch idk ? exist as human beings ?Where did they first meet? idk she probably met him for coffee or sum before moving in together to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer How did they first meet? they were roommates … oh my god they were roommates …. she prolly put an ad in the paper very lucky she did not get murdered x Who spends the most money when out shopping? i feel like neither of them are big spenders but her sticker and colored pen budget is larger than it should be Who’s more likely to flash their assets? i thought this was talking about tits for a second but im assuming mone ? they keep it humble Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they both do , bullying one another is a bonding experience Any mental issues? more than you know my guy Who’s terrified of bugs? if she sees a SPIDER she floors it , but she releases most other bugs …. he better kill anything w 8 legs tho Who kills the spiders around the house? mickey , as described above wow im psychic Their favourite place? they can make any place work together … gay but true , just like me Who pays the bills? she has a special binder just for taxes Do they have any fears for their future? all the fears actually Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? she cannot cook but she has 10/10 ordered takeout , put it on plates and been like :the happy version of the pensive emoji yk the one: i cooked it while the reciept is still on the counter Who uses up all of the hot water? thats very selfish she wld never but she also showers first bc she doesn’t trust him not to ….. Who’s the tallest? they , in american , are the SAME HEIGHT ,,, fuck centimeters Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?Who wanders around in their underwear? clothes are oppressive let them both do it coward Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? it probably turns into a competition until they’re both singing at the top of their lungs …. omg watergate you’re gonna burst a vocal cord oh my god they can’t hear us they have airpods in What do they tease each other about? literally everything …. one of them BREAHTES wrong and the other is like “ ah didnt realise the asthma express was in town “ Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? mickey literally dresses like the fresh prince so u already answered that for me Do they have mutual friends? can the real jack detler please stand up Who crushed first? she ……. did not immediately fall in love with him let me tell u , it took her some solid MONTHS to realise she was in deep for his bitch ass Any alcohol or substance related problems? i wld hope not , #stubie twWho is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? them , together , for getting kicked out of the bar for singing Who swears the most? neither ? 

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 3x12: “Jus in Bello”

Hoo freaking boy.

Just how many wigs did Bela own?

“You understand how many people are gonna die if you do this?” The answer is approximately 30.

“You know nothing about me.” Gee, it’s like you’ve told them nothing about you and they’re only going off their ow personal experiences with you, which are currently “kinda” shitty.

And then she adds salt to the wound...son of a bitch.

Hello, Henriksen.

Dude, chill out.

“Hey! Hey! Watch the merchandise!”

The boys being chained together like that must’ve caused some funny shenanigans as they had to move together.

Like right freaking now.

I’m just now realizing that the BMOL are currently keeping an eye on this shit going down and aren’t raising a finger to do anything about it.

Henriksen has to go through his own b.s.

“I got a lot to celebrate. I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains...”

“You kinky son of a bitch. We don’t swing that way.” lmao. 

“Take a good look at Sam. You two will never see each other again.”

WHOA WHOA WHOA. PUMP THE BREAKS HENRIKSEN.

What a dick. He kinda has to be, so I get why...but srsly chill out.

See, like right there. He goes in for a handshake and gets handed paperwork instead and treated like an inferior. I was pissed at Henriksen less than 10 seconds ago yet when someone treats him poorly, I’m outraged.

Deputy Director Steven Groves.

OOH SHIT HE SHOT DEAN HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT COMING

Sam memorized his exorcism!

But doesn’t complete it, the demon makes an early exit.

RIP Deputy Director Steven Groves

Poor Dean bleeding out. Jeez, give him medical attention!

RIP All these people.

RIP Reidy

Henriksen and the Winchesters all keeping their cool.

See, that’s the Henriksen I like!

Sam and his powers of convincing.

SAM THAT IS REALLY JOLTING, JEEZ.

Nice work, Sam.

“Would it kill these cops to bring us a snack?!” They’re the target of a major demon attack and Dean’s major concern is that he’s hungry, lmao.

“It’s like we got a contract on us. Think it’s because we’re so awesome? I think it’s ‘cause we’re so awesome.” LMAO, shut up Dean. 

One of these two is possessed AND IT WAS HENRIKSEN.

RIP Sheriff.

Good job Sam!

Nothing like a good ol’ exorcism to convince people that the supernatural exists.

“I shot the sheriff.”

“But you didn’t shoot the deputy.”

 I made the exact joke when I first watched this right before Dean did. I’m telling you, me and Dean? Connected.

Sam’s ultimate bitchface, hahahaha.

(x)

Aaayyyy. The alliance has been forged.

Both Henriksen and Dean ask Nancy how she’s doing.

“When I was little, I would come home from the church and start to talk about the devil. And my parents would tell me to stop being so literal. I guess I showed them, huh?” She’s got a great sense of humor.

Dean risks his ass to get more weapons.

Shame they don’t have the freakin’ Colt....

Get back inside Dean!!!

Was Sam unaware of Dean leaving?

Guess not.

Well, that was something.

Anti possession charms.

AAYYY THEIR TATTOOS!

Henriksen laments over his kill.

OH NO DUDE.

Henriksen gets “the talk”.

Would Henriksen have become a hunter? He would’ve been a pretty good one. Him, Jody, and Donna: cops turned part time hunters.

God, Henriksen had personality.

Fucking Ruby.

Sam, without question, frees Ruby from the trap. I’m about as frustrated as Dean right now.

30 demons.

Sam kept quiet about Lilith? Son of a bitch, Sam. And I know this shit is gonna continue into S4....

Again, had BELA not interfered and stolen the Colt, they wouldn’t be getting ripped a new one by Ruby. 

Tho Dean is somewhat enjoying watching Sam fumble his way through an explanation. Payback for keeping secrets from him.

Damn it, the Colt being gone means that Ruby has to perform a spell that would kill even her. We missed out on an early Ruby death, fucking hell.

(But this is reminding me of when Cas almost killed himself when he carved an angel banishing sigil on his chest to get rid of 5 angels. Cas and Ruby, both willing to kill themselves to help out the Winchesters, except the former actually went through with his plan...)

The spell calls for a virgin...Nancy steps forward.

Unfortunately, it calls for Nancy’s heart to get cut out of her chest.

Nancy is noble af. She deserves better.

“Nobody kill any virgins!” Kinda funny out of context.

Dean’s got a plan.

Dean’s plan wins.

Oh boo freaking hoo Ruby.

Also, I’m just realizing that Sam considered going through with Ruby’s plan because it would save the people outside...when she already killed a good number of them just to get to them. Dude...where is your logic.

8 minutes left. Here we go lads.

Dean and Henriksen working together! Fucking A!

“When this is over, I’m gonna have so much sex...but not with you.” Nancy...you’re awesome.

A mass exorcism! Dean’s plan was so great.

But one demon gets away....

How cool was that???

“Rest in peace, guys.”

Oh, Henriksen....goddamn it, I’m about to be sooo fucking sad.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

RIP Henriksen, Nancy, and all the others. They deserved so much better.

I hate when Ruby’s right. I hate admitting when she’s got a point, fuck man.

Don’t let her get you down,boys. Y’all did the best you could...which is often the greatest tragedy: doing everything correctly, giving it your all, and still coming up short. 

(Allow me to scream into the void.)

[riverdaleroundup]

Riverdale Roundup: 2x06 “ Death Proof”

Okay so here we are, back at it.

So first of all does Jughead just live in that white tank top now? I just don’t dig it and I honestly need him to put a proper shirt on. I get that he lives in a trailer park or whatever but it’s just trying too hard for me.

So Betty is racing down the street to the five seasons and you know she’s frazzled because her hair is down. She arrives to the St. Clair suite to see Nicky just chillin in a bathrobe with his fucked up face and she’s honestly shook that he isn’t dead yet. I don’t get what her plan was here? Did she think she was going to burst in to find his dead body or like the black hood mopping up blood stains? If she was going to stop the murder wouldn’t the first step to have been to call Sheriff Keller? Thankfully Sheriff Silver Fox is already on the premises ready to take names. Despite the drama of this whole scene I just can’t get past Nick in the bathrobe, he looks like such a little bish. He should not be brooding with that much ankle exposed so casually, it’s just not fitting.

By some mercy of God Betty has learned how to put her phone on silent and I am so very very grateful. I could not take one more round of “ lollipop”.  Archie texts betty “ You up?”  like the true Fuck Boy he is but honestly it’s like mid morning at this point so like what’s the game arch?

We see Penelope sitting down with the Lodge Loons to discuss the Nicholas issue and she’s such a stone cold bitch and like not in an iconic Alice Cooper way. What a heartless Wench. Also how is her face not fucked up? How is she not completely messed? From the first episode I thought that she was going to be bedridden but like she’s fine. Not even a scratch. Okay we see that her arm is burned later but like come on? Did Mark Sloan himself come back from the grave to reconstruct her horrible burned face back to sheer perfection?  

Toni and Jughead are having breakfast and she’s all like “ Yeah we aren’t going to happen. I don’t want to be your rebound” even though the second that Jughead was like “ Betty isn’t in the picture anymore “  she was all up in his business. So like what’s the truth Toni?

Archie and Betty are coming to Pops and Betty claims she won't be answering the blackhoods calls anymore but I mean come on that sounds fake. She also claims that the people “ at the farm” are going to help Polly disappear for a while. What kind of farm is this that they take in Wayward pregnant teens and also double as a projection program? They see Toni and Jughead eating breakfast together and it’s honestly drama.

There’s an emergency meeting at the cooper house where Alice basically tells everyone that their kids are trash and huge whore’s but that Betty is an angel. Kevin learns that Bughead is no more and is honestly shook. It’s so going in his blog.

Josie’s mom is ready to lock her in a tower for taking “ jj” and decides to clear out the south side in retaliation. Archie races to South Side high to be Jugheads knight in shining armour, but Jughead just assumes he’s there to break up with him again and is v pissy about it. The cops burst into the school ready to arrest anyone wearing leather and Archie basically has to drag jughead out of there by his ear.  Also Sheriff Keller and his boys are pure fashion in those hats.

Veronica doesn’t want to tell her dad about Nick getting handsy with her because she knows that Daddy will straight up murder him and not even think about it. Kevin is very disloyal to Betty honestly. I get that he’s friends with Veronica as well and that Betty was super bitchy to her but he’s only known V a few months and Betty is supposed to be like his ride or die. Could he not at least hear her out for a minute before slaying her with alliteration?

Black hood calls Betty and she obviously picks up even tho she said she wouldn’t because she’s a fucking liar. Black hood is like “ Infiltrate the dealers. Find the supplier.” sending betty out in search of the Sugar Man.  For once Betty realizes that she isn’t in the FBI and is literally a fresh 15 and reminds BH that she’s “ Just a high school reporter” and he’s like “ I don’t give a single fuck. Infiltrate the dealers. Find the supplier.”

Archie is willing to break up with Jughead for Betty but he wouldn’t get back together with him for her so he tell’s Jughead to go talk to her.

Betty rolls up to the new Thorn Hill to find Cheryl lounging in a bathing suit, reading a book and enjoying a little spread. Here’s the thing. What month is it? There was literally just snow everywhere and Sweetwater River was frozen. School hasn’t been in session that long. In theory is should be like November/ December ish if that.  But here Cheryl is in a bathing suit, everyone's walking around without jackets,  and everyone shows up to the race in like tanktops and shorts. What is good!?! What month is it? On the subject of months how many months pregnant is Polly? She was with the sisters for like 5 months right? And she’s been home for a good while so when are the children of incest going to vacate her womb and enter riverdale where they will probably be accused of murder or something by the time they’re 6 weeks old.

Betty asks Cheryl about the Sugar man and Cheryl is like “ Duh Betty he’s a scary story my crazy ass mom created. Try to keep up.”  Cheryl proceeds to rip Betty a new one about trying to ruin literally all of her childhood memories and shoos her away so she can enjoy her trail mix in peace.

Papa Andrews tries to make sure that Archie is taking care of Jughead and Archie is like “ yas i’m trying but it’s fucking hard”, meanwhile Jughead is slithering into the Goolies lair where Tall Boy  is chilling saying they should all be BFFs.

Cheryl goes through a box of her and Jason's old stuff and finds a crayon drawing of Sugar man and decides that he’s real. But like??????? How is that proof?

Betty and Keller chit chat about the Sugar Man and Sheriff says that Old Clifford was the Sugar Man so now it could be anyone and  they are shit out of luck.  Veronica is lurking in the background so she and Betty share some milkshakes and Betty comes clean about the black hood calls. She enlists Veronica to help her find the Sugar Man and now they’re tight again.

Jughead is pacing the trailer ranting about the Goolies and it’s really dark so I did not see Archie sitting there and I honestly thought he was just ranting to Hot Dog and I was like okay how very relatable. I bitch at my dog all the time. He’s a great listener. Archie suggests they go to FP for advice and i’m like yas I miss you come back.  He says they should challenge them to a street race and i’m like are you sure we shouldn’t just have another rumble at midnight. That worked very well the first time.

Cheryl tries to talk to her mom about the sugar man but her mom just calls her a crazy bitch and reminds her that she literally burned down their house so maybe she should just shut up.

The gang has to clean up this nasty ass park and Kevin is so disgusted by it that even he wouldn’t troll for stray dick there. Reggie and Josie awkwardly flirt and i’m like ohhh this is a thing now? Veronica ruins their romantic banter by demanding the number of Reggie's dealer. Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.

So Veronica rolls up to the south side to get the JJ from one of the Goolies goons. I get that both gangs couldn't just wear straight leather but having the Goonies wear studs and animal print really just makes them look like jokes.

“ What about my change Asshat?” This wouldn’t happen if the dealers were kind enough to take credit.

So we see some of the Jingle Jangle production and they’re literally putting these things together with hot glue and i’m dying.

There’s a truly tragic exchange of Veronica, Betty, Archie, and Jughead all saying each other's names and then saying “ what are you doing here “ in unison and i’m like again with the scooby doo?

Jughead and Archie gotta take their bitches and skanks and get the fuck out, but Jughead having been a serpent for a solid 45 minutes decides he has the authority to bet the family farm and offers up their bar and the trailer park as collateral on this race. A bitch is ballsy.

Nick shows up at Pops and calls Nick “ Sharon” and I literally want to vom. Nick tries to play all innocent.  Although the “ Desperate tart from a truck stop town” was a pretty solid insult he’s still a huge douche canoe. At least he paid for her lunch.

Betty is helping Jughead fix Reggie's car and I know she said she used to help Hal fix cars but I have a ton of trouble picturing Hal in his tight sweaters fixing a car. Oh shove it Hal. Jughead calls Betty out on being heartless and  dumping him via Archie and she’s like “ Ohh i can explain but like not now” and i’m over here being frustrated as hell like bitch you’ve been sitting in awkward silence just tell him it won’t affect his driving skills. You know what will tho? THE FACT HE’S 15 AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.

Cheryl finds the hush money cheque in her mom's room and i’m like yass that’s what people do with cheques for large amounts of money. They hide them in their underwear drawer and hope that the cash just magically appears in their account. So more likely Mrs Blossom is above going to the bank and took a picture of the cheque to deposit it and now Cheryl is just holding a piece of meaningless paper hostage.

Veronica and Archie are lounging in bed together and i’m like where is Fred? Does he allow this sin under his roof? Cheryl kills the mood by telling Veronica that the St.Clairs are still investing in SoDale so she goes to Daddy and Daddy promises that he’s going to fuck shit up.

So we come to the drag race and everyone has put on their fourth of july best. Kevin is pissed that Ru Paul isn’t there but is glad that there is a lot of eye candy. He clearly has a thing for gang members.

Instead of offering Jughead a lock of her hair Betty gives Juggie her declaration of love and some driving advice. Cheryl tells Toni/Cha Cha  to stuff it because this is her moment and the race is on. In what world would the Goolies  race that old ass car that was never made to go more than 25 miles an hour?

Archie is a little baby and pulls the E break which should basically guarantee that they lose but Archie called Sheriff Keller with a hot tip ahead of time. Everyone is pissed at Archie but I mean they won so……

Penelope threw that cheque that i’m convinced now that she already cashed in the fire and finally spills the tea to Cheryl. Cheryl calls Betty with the intel about who the sugar man is and like a fucking sane normal girl who doesn’t live in fucking Rosewood she calls the police. The Black Hood is pissed and we find out the Sugar Man is Charles Fucking Percy, whose name in this is like Mr Phillip or some bullshit I really don’t care.

Betty is threatening the black hood being like I’ve solved all these mysteries so I can totally catch you and i’m like Betty maybe like back the heck up, I say again you are 15.

So does Fred pop pills on the regular now? Is this going to be a story line?

So the Lodges ran the St. Clair car off the road  and they all sit around and smile about it while playing chess. Not at all menacing.

Despite all Betty's best efforts, the Black Hood is still putting a hit on Percy/ Aka Robert Phillips/ Aka The Sugar man. So sad… but….not really.

That’s it.