#though -even if they dont make it outwardly a big deal like that

[good-beans]

this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad. 

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either. 

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

[fel-temptation]

1, 12, 36, A, D, H

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Her personal record is 10 years. (Hah, a little DH humor for you there.)

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

There’s never a shortage of people who wouldn’t mind scratching her back. Or at least that’s how she sees it. To be fair I’m pretty sure that estimation is correct.

Mentally is kind of another story. Mental itches, to me, sound a bit like demonic whisperings. Those she /tries/ very hard to ignore. But I guess it’s a motto at this point: “Sometimes the demons win. We just need to be sure they’re battles we can afford to lose.”

Kinda a smart cookie this one.

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

She’s certainly impressed with romance when it happens, though it rarely is the case. However her outwardly appreciating it is fickle at best. She abstains from long term romantic connections, so gestures are usually seen as a road to that. She’s very quick to stomp it out when she sees it, even if she usually does long for that attention that’s never received.

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Uhhhh, donno I’m honestly always excited about Korr (just ask my friends I will gush for days). I just think she’s neat, and complicated, and tragic. A lot of the time I’m just excited to get to show other people how much depth she has, while encouraging folks to dive deeper. She’s too cool to sit on the shelf with all my other characters.

I’m actually really digging her current iteration where she’s a lot more comfortable in her own skin and not half a hair away from a breakdown. I’d reckon 5 more years should mellow her out even further.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

Oh this is a good one for her. Well, I started writing for her post DH transformation so I’ve never had to edit. Actually she’s been the same character model too since her inception (usually how it is with the faves, oddly enough).

However! I do have a lot of thoughts about her pre-Illidari form. I mean obviously she didn’t have fangs, horns, claws, or tatttoos, but I was a really big fan of the physical transformation. Her character makes a big deal about not wanting to be monsterous, but she is very very very quiet to the fact that bonding with a Sayaad did effect her looks in minor ways. A big emphasis on minor as it’s written as she gained more conventionally attractive traits rather then you know like scales. I could give you a ton of tiny examples but idk I always find it funner to leave a bit to the imagination there.

All I’m saying is she has plenty of reasons for saying she’s not the same person she was prior.

H) What trait do you admire most?

Probably her tenacity. I mean I dont want to get all sad here but I can’t even begin to imagine some of the struggles she faces that aren’t entirely obvious. Like for her to wake up every day is kind of amazing. She lost everything for nothing, can never get it back, screwed up her entire psyche, and she’s still at it. Bad bitches don’t take a break I guess.

Thanks for the marathon @incubabe !

[symphonicmetal101]

Outdoor Forest Dates They Would Love

Im not saying stargazing

LUCIFER

- Fishing

- Dad sport

- Im not elaborating

MAMMON

- Trail blazing and/or hiking

- Are you kidding? This man has so much energy and curiousity, he would ADORE going hiking with you, whether that means along concrete paths in the woods or on foot through the woods and making your own path, he loves it.

- He also loves to do scavenger hunts with you, because the woods can be a treasure chest. It also helps him appreciate the little things he sometimes misses.

LEVI

- Canoeing

- Its peaceful, its just the two of you, its quiet, its beautiful oh fuck its really just the two of you

- gets a little flustered but eventually wants to show off in and with the water, manipulating it into whatever you want to see.

- Also has fun if both of you are trying to row and its been a while/youve never done it so it gets confusing shdbdjsj

SATAN

- Shelter construction

- He doesnt mind setting up a tent, yes he does, hes terrible at, but he likes the idea of implementing some ideas hes seen in his survival books.

- Also involves math and physics to a degree (haha) so hes all in

- gets a splinter in 0.003 seconds, doesnt make a big deal about it outwardly but internally screaming at the amount of f i l t h that just entere- oh you brough hydrogen peroxide and a bandaid, you're a life saver

-Ends up building a solid, warm and comfy shelter with you

-If it rains though, hes noping out of there

ASMO

- Wild berry picking

- ok yeah, hes a little worried about the juice

- and the bugs

- and his hands

- but nothing a small spell and cute gardening gloves cant fix.

- he loves having a competition to see who can pick the almost overripe berries without them falling apart

- at home he'll turn some into chapstick

- but for now he'll settle for the berry-flavoured kisses (after you guys wash the berries in some clean water from your water bottle bc I hc Asmo as a minor germaphobe)

BEEL and BELPHIE

- Campfire dinners and stories

- They go hand in hand so I'm not separating them

- Beel loves campfire dinners, and to hold you while Belphie tries to spook you a bit with some horror stories, before giving up and lying across your lap seeking your hand in his hair

- Smores will get all over all three of you, even if Beel is the only one eating them

BARBATOS

- Trapping/ knot practice/lashing (I was originally gonna do like...a botany scavenger hunt, which he would LOVE but I dont have the braincells beyond that idea)

- He enjoys trapping any animal in a humane manner in which they would die quickly, but if that makes you uncomfortable or sad he wont do it around you

- Instead he'll show you how to tie knots and lash things together.

- If you two keep at it, you'll have a solid shelter

- Ghost moment in which he'll come behind you and show you how to tie a few knots.

DIAVOLO

- Wood burning!!

- you had to find a way to cheer him up after he took the phrase "tree hugger" too far and demolished it

- but there were parts of the tree you were able to salvage, and with his help, cut into discs. (After you got him to stop crying because he killed the tree by accident)

- you explained how wood burning and a fire was different before he started using his magic to etch a somewhat lopsided smily face into his disc of wood

- its a work in progress but hes incredibly happy and hopes you are too

MEPHISTOPHELES

- Archery/Shooting practice

- He has a cane, which to me says his leg is gimped in some way- you can choose in what way or if hes just a fancy bitch

- but his upper body strength is better than his lower body, and not necessarily needing to walk or run makes target practice a fun thing for him to do outside other than horseback riding

- He'll want to show off just a bit first before showing you how to do it if you dont know already

- If you do, its gaaaaame on

SIMEON

- bird watching :)

- except this man is a disney fucking princess

- youre getting all the wildlife coming in

- gets very adorably excited at everything

RAPHAEL

- Meow meow I got no braincells

- collecting rocks?

- collecting rocks. Its an easy, repetitive and fun activity (for him) that helps take his mind off his past a bit

- loves using a rock tumbler later

LUKE (PLATONIC DATE)

- Tapping trees

- This kid would LOOSE IT (positive) if he got to make syrup with you

- you guys would get to make so many sweets with it together when its ready-

- I dont say maple specifically bc you can use different trees too

- So each date will be a different kind of tree so you can taste all the kinds of syrup!

SOLOMON

- BUG COLLECTING

- bugs are freaking cool and I like to think Solomon at least loves beetles

- so he would love going bug hunting with you

- if you dont like bugs he will convince you, or try to at least, to tolerate them. You've learned to tolerate him, havent you? How hard can a tiny bug be?

- totally wont take one home to scare the shit out of Asmo

THIRTEEN

- Rock climbing

- They are definitely a dare devil, and wont free climb only because you asked her not to. Please.

- She enjoys the rappelling part more than anything, and will hold you if you want it

Masterlist

- A lot of shouting because shes just...so happy to be up so high

- will fuck around a lot so you have to keep her safe...please...or join her

Anyways, hope yall enjoyed this! First piece with the newbies, Ive really only paid attention to Thirteen in the very very limited interactions I had with her so I apologize if theyre ooc

Remember you are loved and appreciated!

Masterlist

[siswritesyanderes]

This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

This is a weird request but romanced (or platonic, I dont mind either) companions react to a deaf/hard of hearing sole? As someone with hearing loss, I always thought it would be tricky to live in the wasteland with it, seeing as you need to be able to depend on hearing your surroundings most if not all the time! (I personally have no sense of direction where sound comes from, mishear people, or flat out hear nothing), so how do you think companions would react, or help a sole that cant hear properly? Sorry if this is weird or hard to write!

Cait:

Hope you have a good sense of humor- because she will tease you. Especially if it's a severe thing.

You obviously can handle yourself out in the wastes- so she doesn't doubt your capabilities, however she still sometimes finds herself beginning to worry once the two of you become close friends.

Will probably get frustrated when talking to another wastelander. Between you not being able to understand them if they mutter and them not being able to understand her accent- shit gets real fast.

Curie:

Considering her medical background, she is interested in what caused your loss of hearing. Were you born like this? Did you suffer head trauma? Any answer you give her will receive a sympathetic "oh".

Just you wait. She'll sketch up some plans and tell Monsieur Sturges about your little problem and soon enough, she'll surprise you with hearing aids.

Danse:

Unfortunately, the loss of hearing was common in the Brotherhood. The only exception usually being scribes or squires. So with that being said, he too suffers from moderate hearing loss.

His isn't as bad..but let's just say that he's been too close to one too many explosions in his day.

However this also means that he understands what youre going through and is better equipped to help out. Which he does- be it using more tactical hand signs during missions or even just kindly reassuring you that "no, you're not a bother" and he doesn't mind repeating himself- even if it is for the fifth time in a row.

Deacon:

Wont outwardly voice it- but he is somewhat concerned. In your line of work, stealth and perception were key elements to survival- so you not being able to even decipher where certain sounds came from was quite worrisome.

However, he knows you. So he knows that you always find a way to overcome even the tough test of obstacles- why would this be any different? It wouldn't.

Gage:

Is the kind of person to tease you and call you an "old fart" and ask if you're "fuckin' deaf or somethin'"

He means well though.

Honestly, he doesn't care much about your disability so long as it doesn't prove itself to be a hindrance in your mission of gaining power.

Although sometimes he wishes he wouldn't have to throw stuff at you to get your attention if your back is turned..it was funny the first few times, now it's just getting old.

Hancock:

Isn’t exactly sure what to think about it. I mean..he understands that it’s a major disadvantage while out in the wastes but..you’ve made it this far, you’ve gotta be pretty dang crafty.

The only thing that would really change is that he is now trying to learn sign langue.

Macready;

Poor hearing? No problemo.

He’s a sniper. Perception, stealth, and all that other good stuff is where he excels. He’ll still give you a hard time every once in a while, but as far as it changing the way he views you? Tough chance.

He thinks that you’re okay, just..let him do the guessing whenever the two of you are in buildings and don’t know where to go. At least he can hear the feral ghouls screeching from down the hall.

Maxson:

Once again. Hearing loss is an unfortunate “work-related hazard” when you’re in the BoS.

So like with any other of his soldiers with a disability, he sent you to Captain Cade to see if there was anything that could be done.

The last thing he wants is for you to die because you couldn’t hear a death law bounding you behind you.

Nick:

Doesn’t treat you any different.

If there is something he can do to help, don’t hesitate to let him know. He’ll help as best as he can.

Old Lonfellow:

Knows Exactly what you are talking about. Being his age comes with a few downsides- hearing loss just so happens one of the most prominent.

He’ll try to make humor out of the situation- leaning down and petting Dogmeat’s head while saying “At least we’v got your ears, buddy.”

Preston:

Feels really bad for you, especially if your hearing loss is really bad.

Sign language quickly becomes a must around the castle. Even if you insist that it isn’t that big of a deal- he doesn’t care.

Piper:

Honestly is so stressed when the two of you go out on missions. She can’t whisper to you or anything!

At least she doesn’t mind repeating herself hundreds of times.

X6-88:

Is already fair warned of your disabilities and couldn’t care less.

He’s here to protect you, no worries.

[asteriismos]

get lucky - richie tozier

warning(s) : innapropriate relationship, stepbrother! richie tozier, hate sex, smut, richie being an annoying stepbrother, college! losers, for some reason all the losers are in california i dont know 

words : 3.6k

request(s) :

If you don’t have anything against step-bro fics can I pls request stepbro Richie smut that ends with them getting caught😳👀

hate sex smut imagine with richie pleaseee?🥺🤧

you hated how much your mother was in love with wentworth tozier. and you hated it so much that you were dreading summer break, because over winter break the two of them had gotten married and it was the first fucking time you even met the man. wentworth was a dentist, which was oh so evident by the way that he literally stared at your teeth the second he greeted you, but he seemed nice enough. 

even though you met him the night before they were tying the knot in their relationship. your mother has never been the best with giving you information on her life, which you didn’t really mind considering you were off in college worrying about college things. 

but the worst thing about your mothers marriage to wentworth was not the fact that her last name was now tozier ( which you questioned was even a real last name or not ) or the fact that now you had to get to know an older man that wasn’t your dad. it came in the form of your new stepbrother, richie tozier. 

if there was one nice thing you could say about richie ( and trust me, for you that was hard ), it was that he could be funny. key word ‘could’. but it wasn’t funny when he would pick at every single thing that you did, constantly teased you for all the little things. it pissed you off more than you could even explain. you swore that you were so close to punching him in the face at the little reception after the tiny wedding, when he kept pushing your buttons for no goddamn reason.

you’re such a prude y/n!

do you ever stop complaining?

richie had already drove you up the fucking walls after one night of being graced with his presence, and you had absolutely no idea how you were going to handle an entire summer with him. 

you lived in california, you had all your life. so it was natural for you to apply to colleges there or around there, not that money was really an issue because your mother worked for a very large law firm and made a lot of money. that’s why you were able to stay at the dorms for school, not seeing your mother except for when you were there for holidays. your childhome was big, but it now felt considerably small now that your new family members moved in. 

it seemed like everywhere you went in your house, richie ended up there, talking to you and breaking the peace between you two constantly. 

that’s why you made it your mission to avoid him as much as possible. you had dealt with boys like this before, if you just didn’t give them any attention, they would get bored and go off to do different things. 

except richie didn’t seem to be getting the memo, the lack of attention made him just seek out for it even more than before. 

 today was one of those instances, where you were sitting out by the side of the pool alone. your mother and wentworth were in one of the rooms upstairs painting it to make it a new office space for her. the color was some ugly green color and when wentworth asked if you wanted to help, you shook your head and said pass. sunbathing sounded better than trying to get along with your new family. 

your eyes scanned over the words of your book. you had promised your friend ( who was an english major ) that you’d read it, even though it was a little weird. it was lolita by vladimir nabokov, about some guy who fell in love with a younger girl. 

“an erotic novel, nice.”

you glanced up from your book to be met with richie, eyes through his glasses staring right at yours. they trailed down to your lips, and then down farther, but he quickly composed himself and looked instead at the book, motioning to it. 

you scoffed. “not really. it’s honestly weird as hell.” your eyes went back to reading the words, hoping that he would get the memo that you didn’t want to talk to him and he would go away. 

but he didn’t, or at least if he did he dismissed it, pulling off his shirt and setting it down on the beach chair next to yours. from behind your sunglasses, you watched him strip down into just his swim trunks, thanking god that the sunglasses shielded your eyes from his vision. he couldn’t see that you were borderline checking him out. 

it was wrong. you were convinced that there was a special place in hell for people who thought that their step siblings were hot, but nonetheless you still did it anyways. 

now he was talking, but because of your staring you didn’t catch the first part of what he was saying. richie’s mouth was moving and all you were thinking about were his lips trailing down . . .

“ . . . if you wanted to go with me?” richie finished, giving you a confused look when all you gave back was a blank stare. your brain tried to figure out what he had said before you tuned in, or try and make up an excuse about why you weren’t listening. you figured that telling the truth about you checking him out and thinking about him eating you out for hours. 

you pushed your sunglasses up to your voice and squinted at him, “what’d you say?”

richie gave you yet another confused look, shaking his head and saying, “i asked if you wanted to go to this frat party that me and some of my friends are going to.”

“why would i do that with you?”

richie laughed. “i literally just explained that. did you go braindead for a whole minute? my dad and your mom want to have a night to themselves tonight at the house and want us gone. do i need to elaborate or can you read through the lines?”

you cringed outwardly and inwardly, shaking your head. “no, i get it. gross, okay yeah fine whatever i’ll go.” you’d do whatever you needed to do to get out of the house to not have to deal with whatever your parents got up to.

-

the music blared loudly in your ears as you walked into the rather large frat house. you looked around at the people in the entrance way, seeing that there was a mixture of boys and girls, and definitely a lot of people here. it would be hard to keep track of everyone in the group that you came with. 

richie picked up three other people that apparently have been his friends since childhood. you felt incredibly out of place as they all talked to each other in the car, you kept your arms crossed in front of your chest and basically pouted in the passengers seat of your stepbrothers car. even though you had agreed to go to this thing, you were still mad that you were going with richie. or were you?

“can you at least try not to act like such a prude while we’re here? jesus y/n you look like someone killed your cat,” richie said, jokingly poking the small of your back. you yelped, jumping forward and glaring at him. 

you felt a hand on your shoulder. “hey! lay off richie, god.” his friend beverly, who had firey red hair and seemed to be the only girl in their little group, said. she pulled you close to her by the side and gave you a kind smile. “don’t let him get under your skin, y/n, if you can believe it, he teases the people he loves.” 

“no thanks,” you joked, walking beside her with the rest of the group following to the kitchen to get drinks. you took one of the red solo cups and took a sip of the concoction in there. it tasted like strong beer, maybe a hint of vodka? it was all masked with a cherry aftertaste. it surprisingly wasn’t bad for something made at a frat. 

they all followed suit, one of the members of your tiny group ( who’s name you learned to be stanley ) cringed after just one sip of the drink. you couldn’t help but laugh, giving him a cocky smile. “can’t hold your alcohol stanley?”

richie pushed into your line of vision, “no, he’s just a wuss.” stanley squinted at your stepbrother and pushed him in the shoulder lightly. “am not, beep beep richie.” 

you cocked your head to the side in confusion at the saying. beverly, stan, and mike all just laughed. richie did not, instead he huffed and stood there like a pouty child. the saying seemed to shut him up, maybe you’d have to use that on richie so he would shut the fuck up once in a while when he was annoying you. 

the party raged on, more and more people started to pour their way into the large house. you found a place on the dancefloor with beverly, dancing with her to the loud upbeat music that played. every once in a while mike would come over and dance with you two and you would smile and laugh with your newfound friends. richie would come over once in a while, make some snarky comment your way, then leave. 

the one person who you haven’t danced with is stanley, who was standing on the outskirts of the party. he sipped at his drink idly and ran a hand through his curls. from time to time a girl would come over to him, and he would pass them up, 

it intrigued you. 

you walked over to stanley and gave him a smile, looking around at the crowd and pointing at richie. “so why do you guys say beep beep richie?”

stan laughed, taking a sip of his drink. the smell of alcohol became that much more prevalent as some coated his lips. “when we were younger and richie would talk too much, we would all go ‘beep beep richie’ to get him to shut up. we don’t use it as much anymore because we grew out of it. but it works from time to time.”

you nodded, smirking. looking around the room, your eyes caught richie, chatting up some girl. from time to time his eyes would look across the room at you. and when he saw that you were talking to stan, he squinted through his bottle cap glasses. sticking your tongue out at him, you turned your attention back to stan. 

“do you wanna dance?”

and he didn’t get the chance to say no, because you were already pulling him out into the crowd of people dancing. you took his drink from his hand and set it down, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

you both rocked to the music, hips swaying to the beat. you turned around so that your back was facing him and reached behind you to grab his hands, putting them on your lower waist. then you made eye contact with richie, who was basically staring you down at this point, and grinded your ass into stans hips. 

you heard a gasp from behind you that was no doubt stan, but both of you were too intoxicated to really think anything of it. he instead moved his hips against you, hands running up and down your body. your eyes never left richies, watching him completely drop his drink onto the girls’ shoes he was talking to. then he was walking closer and closer to you, grabbing you by your wrist and pulling you slightly away from stan. 

“what the fuck are you doing?” richie asked you, his eyes dark with anger. he looked genuinely upset, and to be honest he had no right to be. he wasn’t your boyfriend, he wasn’t even really your brother. so if he was trying to play some sort of ‘overprotective act’ it wasn’t working. 

you just gave him a little smile. “just dancing with stan,” you slurred. “jealous much?”

richie didn’t answer, only laughing a little bit at how drunk you actually were. he gave stan a look and shrugged his shoulders, “she’s really drunk, sorry. i should get her home. can you guys find a ride?”

the rest of the night is blank in your memory. 

-

you woke up to the sound of dishes clanking downstairs in the kitchen, causing you to groan once your eyes were opening. the very obvious hangover that you were experiencing was hard not to feel.

still dressed in last nights clothes, you tried to recal what had happened last night to get you this drunk. all you could remember was drinking some kind of random drink from the party and dancing with richie’s friend stan. the rest was pretty fuzzy. 

eventually you made your way downstairs, seeing that it was richie who made the noise in the kitchen. no one was in sight. you looked at the clock and it read that it was 2 in the afternoon. some night it must’ve been.

“good morning, here’s some asprin,” richie said to you, passing over the small bottle across the kitchen counter. 

you nodded a thank you and reached to grab a glass of water. “where’s my mom?”

“beach day,” richie replied, shrugging his shoulders. “so are you and stan like a thing? because i did not see that coming.”

you groaned, “do you have to talk so much? I just woke up and i don’t need you blabbering. and so what if i like stan or not, it’s not like you’re the one to control me.”

“yes I am.”

you scoffed, actually laughing at what he had said just a second ago. he thinks he can control you? as if. 

“you’re a fucking dick richie. i’m sorry you’re jealous of me dancing with stan last night. sorry you didn’t get your dick wet because of me,” you said, taking the glass of water up to your room and giving him no more of your attention.

as soon as you closed the door and set the water down, you heard the door to the room open and close again. “jesus fucking christ rich, get over it. you’re an asshole.”

“you’re such a fucking brat, you know that?” richie said to you, pushing you onto your bed and immediately coming in between your legs. his hot breath fanned your face, pressing a harsh kiss to your lips and trailing down your neck. 

teeth bit into your sensitive skin, breaking the blood capulets on your neck and creating purple splotchy marks all along it. you moaned out at the feeling, pushing your hips against his hips in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure that was falling in between your legs. 

he laughed along your skin. “needy. all for me? for your stepbrother? don’t you think that’s a little wrong, y/n?” he kissed all the way back up to your lips, your bottom lip coming in between his teeth. 

he pulled it away and let go, letting it snap back against your mouth. you whined, hands flying to the black tufts of hair on his head. richie kissed you, stifling any more whiney noises you made. 

his hands came down and pushed the end of your shirt up just enough to expose your breasts. the cold air brushed against them and you shuttered. richie palmed at them, still kissing you. his hands were big enough to fit all around your breasts, and his thumb came to pinch your nipple. 

you yelped, pulling away from him and staring daggers at him. “that hurt.” but you fed into his touch, your own body going against your mind. you involuntarily pressed your chest against his hand. 

he only chuckled, giving you that classic richie grin. 

“doesn’t look like you mind much, sweets,” he said, one of his hands going down and slipping underneath the fabric of your pants. 

richie’s fingers grazed along your clothed clit, a smirk growing on his face when his fingertips pressed harshly on the wet spot that was in them. instead of teasing you like he usually would’ve, he just hooked the fabric away, sliding his finger along your slit. 

you moaned at the contact, pulling his hair with a force that probably hurt. he didn’t seem to mind, giving his own moan while pushing one singular finger into you. 

his finger curled up in a come here motion and you almost screamed, biting your lip so that you wouldn’t give him the pleasure of knowing he had such an effect over you. he could see through your bullshit quite clearly, pushing another two fingers into you and not moving. 

richie had three fingers in you that he wasn’t moving, watching you squirm against his hand to create some kind of pleasure. but with his other hand he held your hips down, keeping you from moving at all. 

“i want to hear you beg for it.”

“for fucks sake, richie,” you said, eyes opening to look at him. 

his chest pressed against your own as he leaned in, “beg. or i’ll leave you to finger fuck yourself.”

for a moment you thought that you weren’t going to do it, mostly because of your pride and ego. the pleasure that awaited you took over though and you opened your mouth to say, “please richie. fuck me with your fingers. stretch me out. i need you.” your cheeks burned in embarrassment at your words, knowing that he would never let you live that down. 

“good girl.”

he spared not a moment more, fingers setting at an unbelievably fast pace as they pumped in and out of you. his thumb massaged figure eights on your clit and you knew that you weren’t going to last long. 

for some reason the thought of richie being your stepbrother was hotter, and made you almost even more wet. your arousal slicked the inside of your thighs while he kept his pace. 

your head arched back, feeling him hit your g spot every single time his fingers fucked into you. 

soon enough you were cumming, opening your eyes and seeing blurry vision. richie kept pumping his fingers, mouth finding home on your breasts to give you more hickies there. you didn’t know how you were going to be able to hide all of them. that fucker. 

you took a minute to catch your breath and for that moment richie wasn’t touching you at all, which made you miss his touch more than you were willing to admit. you heard the sound of pants unzipping and soon enough richie was in between your legs, this time his cock in his hands as he pumped lazily. you took no time to push your pants and panties down onto the floor.

you gave him a look when he aligned in your enterance. he was thick, which now made sense as to why he fucked you with three fingers, even though he was still way bigger than the width of three fingers. 

all you could think about was him filling you up and fucking you until you saw stars. 

richie pushed into you, groaning at the feeling of you around him, tight and wet. he couldn’t believe that he took this long to fuck you. but now all that pent up tension was coming up right now, richie was already so wound up from hearing you beg for him. 

once he bottomed out, he pulled out, pushing back in. you hissed at the feeling, not all the way used to the feeling of him stretching you out but loving it anyways. he buried himself into you like he owned you and you loved it. 

his hands came to your hips and thrusted in and out with such force that your whole body moved with every single rut into you. he shed no mercy, hitting that one spot every single time mercilessly. 

your hands fumbled to touch him, anywhere you possibly could. eventually you made your way to his back, fingernails digging into his skin enough to probably draw blood. you scratched up and down, his name falling from your lips like a prayer. 

your breasts bounced up and down with every thrust, the shirt pushed all the way up to your neck was getting soaked with your own sweat. the heat in the room was almost unbearable, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

he grabbed your thigh and hoisted it up, moaning at the new angle that he hit within you. your eyes teared up with the pleasure that coursed through you, once again about to hit that brink once again. you were already pretty sensitive from the previous orgasm. 

“richie, i’m going to cum,” you moaned out. 

“I know baby, let it out for me,” he responded, hand falling down to your clit. 

that sent you over with a scream, the coil that had been winding in you finally snapped, sending you over the edge flying. 

with his thrusts helping you ride your orgasm out, you felt completely fucked out. mind blank, legs starting to hurt from the angle he was holding them in. soon his thrusts faltered and he was cumming, hot liquid shooting through you. he pulled out and gave you a goofy look, pulling up his boxers and searching for his pants on the floor. 

you closed your legs, feeling some of his cum fall down into your thighs. you pulled your shirt back down and put your panties on. 

right as you were about to say something, your door opened. 

it was your mom and wentworth, looking at both of you with shock in their eyes. 

oh fuck. 

“you two,” your mother said, almost too angry to speak. “have a lot of explaining to do.”

[many-gay-magpies]

@honeyseungz @loabivey so that uh. that mini au that you had like a very small rb thread about yesterday (well over a few days ago now that im posting this). well uh. um . actually you know what im just gonna let you read it yourselves

so. heeseung, jay, and sunoo are all brothers. wether its actual brothers or just "brothers" by blood bond or whatever idk. but, regardless, they're brothers. im thinking that like, at first they aren't vampires, theyre just regular dudes yknow? (and just a forewarning, a lot of this isnt gonna be as compliant with the enhaverse theorizing we've done so far, it's just a little brain worm i wanted to play around with, throwing a little bit of enhaverse crumbs in here and there)

but anyway. they're not vampires, im thinking theyre just like... adopted/found family brothers, probably orphans or something. regardless they love each other a lot and its great. personality-wise everything is super different, but just for plot conveniences, heeseung, jay, and sunoo are the yunmeng trio (heeseung as wwx, jay as jc, and sunoo as jyl respectively), and jungwon is lwj.

the three brothers meet jungwon, probably brought together by this Big Fantasy Evil, maybe something involving the vampire queen as a character? idk. there's some big evil shit going down, and the three brothers somehow end up with jungwon and HIS big bro, who im imagining is jake (basically the lan xichen in this situation—very soft, kind, gentle; the vibes are right). both of them are vampires, not that our three orphan bois know that. they get caught up in the danger, and vampire bros jake and jungwon coms to the rescue.

now, a little bit of personality-mapping here: jay is outwardly very loud, fun, temperamental, and sarcastic, generally very much like he is irl; but inside, he's intensely loyal, protective, and loving, with a HUGE soft spot for the people closest to him. sunoo is very sweet, sensitive, and kind—the walking hug of the three brothers, who is certainly not without his bite and wont hesitate to talk back to anyone who hurts them. aggressively and without mercy. also he makes them soup for comfort and is generally best boy. heeseung is very goofy, playful, free-spirited, and bright, but insecure and sensitive underneath it all; generally a loud annoying mess of a boy. pure chaotic neutral and a gremlin if there ever was one. jungwon, on the other hand, is... not. he's nervous, quiet, cautious to a fault and intensely righteous, always standing up for what's right and refusing to waver from his chosen path. very lawful good vibes. he, naturally, is more than a little put off when jay, sunoo, and heeseung's chaotic ass come crashing into he and his brother jake's once-peaceful (ish) lives. and it doesn't help that heeseung is a... huge flirt, and apparently deadset on making jungwon his friend. fuck.

jungwon... doesn't know what to do. and it would all be so much easier if heeseung were dumb or stupid or unattractive or just a total asshole—but he isnt any of those things. he's beautiful, smart, insanely witty with a brain faster than any jungwon's ever seen—he can't help but admire him. but on top of that, he's wreckless as hell, unpredictable, and pushy, and gives jungwon heart attacks way too much for his liking. he doesn't even have a heartbeat. he's fucking dead.

it eventually comes out that jake and jungwon are vampires; the brothers are surprisingly cool with it. not the craziest thing that's happened to them.

the five boys get closer, staying together as they fight their foe (which im becoming increasingly inclined to make the werewolves), and through a series of convoluted events, jungwon learns that heeseung is not only gorgeous, smart, talented, and funny as all get-out, but also sensitive, caring, insecure, and thoughtful... and heeseung, who's only goal had been to break through the nervous and straightforward outer shell of his young dongsaeng, does just that. and jungwon, naturally, starts to fall in love.

somewhere along the line, though, things go wrong—as they were bound to do in an au loosely based off of the untamed. something happens to heeseung; he's fatally wounded after saving jay's life, and disappears, nowhere to be found. his brothers eventually assume the worse; that he's gone forever. but the queen finds him, takes care of him, nurses him back to health. turns him.

when he comes back, nothing's the same. the war is still going, and his brothers thought he was dead—but he isn't. but he's... different. jungwon and jake are quick to realize that he's been turned, how, they dont know—but they talk to him, teach him, try to help him, jungwon especially. of course he does; he's in love. heeseung, of course, is dismissive; doesn't take it seriously. ill be fine, whats so bad about this? or, perhaps, he doesn't let on just how hard he's taking it; fearing vulnerability more than he fears being a vampire.

inevitably, though, heeseung's wrecklessness leads to doom—he lets his bloodlust overtake him, relishes in it, no matter how much jungwon had warned him against it, pleaded with him to take caution. he says it's usefull—says he can help them take out enemies, help them win this war. jungwon warns him that he could end up getting more than he bargained for. heeseung doesn't listen.

heeseung helps them win the war; practically wins it for them. hes happy, bitterly, until he isnt. he's happy, until he sees his brother—sees sunoo. blood-covered, pale-skinned, drained.

no.

heeseung is broken. jay even moreso. jay yells at him; yells and yells and yells and yells. curses him out, tells him he hates him, tells him he's nothing but cruel evil—he doesn't mean it, of course, but no one knows it then, not even him. now he is only angry; so, so angry. heeseung, wrought with guilt and shame and grief, flees—hides himself somewhere secluded, does the closest thing a vampire can possibly do to death, the equivalent of a thousand-year hibernation. none can find him, he's made sure of that. in his guilt and shame and anger he stews, asleep, for hundreds, thousands of years.

after the anger passes, jay is more than anything in mourning—for heeseung as well as for sunoo. he has a realization, that being that, when, inevitably, heeseung comes back, he doesn't want him to be alone: even if he'll have jungwon and jake, it won't be the same as having his brother. so jay pleads, cries, begs for jungwon to turn him—so that they can search for heeseung together, so that when heeseung comes back, he'll have jay waiting for him, too. so, reluctantly, jungwon gives in and turns jay—after which he helps him deal with his newfound immortality and vampiric status—helping him handle his bloodlust and helping him learn how to feed. over the centuries that heeseung is gone, jay, jungwon, and jake grow even closer (j line eyyy), inseparable as they search for heeseung and even outside of that. jungwon and jay are the closest, jay growing a colossal soft spot for the boy and not hesitating to take him under his wing and protect him with all he has (initially, sort of as a replacement for protecting heeseung, but eventually jay's affection for jungwon grows into something all it's own). to be clear, no love triangle bullshit here, only sickening-sweet platonic soulmates jaywon and a jungwon that is still achingly in love with heeseung.

(okay for anyone thats actually watched cql/read mdzs, yes i KNOW lwj and jc did not get along at all and kind of hated each other but. this is my au i do what i want, and if i want to add soft jaywon into the mix then im fucking going to, goddamnit)

OKAY TIME FOR SOME WACKY SIDE-PLOT MADNESS

so. sunghoon. how does he fit into all this? how does he end up being the one to trigger heeseung's "resurrection"? how does heeseung GET resurrected in the first place? well, not to worry, you're about to find out! and i am too because i'm just figuring this out as i go along baybyyyy

sunghoon, im thinking, is a friend of jake's (lets throw some jakehoon in here too bcs why not), either from before everything went to shit and heeseung went and isolated himself, or sometime during the numerous centuries jakewon spent looking for heeseung with jay. either way, sunghoon is this boy who jake is friends with and cares about a lot, and is also maybe kind of in love with. while jaywon spend most of their time looking for heeseung, jake spends his with sunghoon—finding himself often alone, now that his little bother is going off on his own adventures.

in a situation quite similar to heeseung's, sunghoon probably gets fatally injured somehow and is near death, but jake, not wanting him to die, decides to turn him instead. niki is also involved, and it's a sort of package deal, because before meeting jakewon, heeseung, and everyone, they were their own little thing; not unlike jay, heeseung, and sunoo's brother's triad. they were both probably orphans, niki being the much younger one, and as such sunghoon took him under his wing and never looked back. when jake turned sunghoon, niki was basically like "m8 what the fuck" and demanded he be turned too, not wanting his sunghoon-hyung to live on forever while he grew old and died. jake, also having a soft spot for niki, was like "fine alright" and turned him too. so, now their little vampire coven numbered five, and all was (moderately) well.

or not.

the thing was, jake hadn't anticipated how powerful sunghoon would be—there's nothing in life that anyone's found yet that would indicate a person's level of power once turned, so jake had... pretty much no way to see this coming. but, anyway, sunghoon was... really, really powerful. like, insanely powerful. all the abilities vampires were said to have in legends, the likes of which were previously reserved for just legends, he had them; flawless teleportation, mind control, shape-shifting, the whole bit. and on top of that, he was controlled—insanely good at monitoring himself and keeping tabs on his own instincts. one of the most self-sufficient, well-mannered vampires jake had ever seen. it was... frankly insane.

the problem? the queen. this is where she comes in, because she's played a part in all the boys' transformations, albeit indirectly—when jake and jungwon first turned, it was she who turned them. she could sense sunghoon's power, and she wanted it for herself. jake and jungwon had done well at avoiding her, even forgetting about her for a while; but what she wanted, she took, and take she did. it was sunghoon she took: luring him to her in small increments and then all at once, taking control of him, turning him into a mindless puppet. sunghoon had always prided himself in control, and without it, havoc wreaked: bodies dropping left and right, people being killed seemingly at random, their only purpose being to instill fear and paranoia.

now, niki had heard tales, before, from his hyungs but also from regular townspeople to whom the legend had gotten passed down, of heeseung, and how great and terrible he was. heeseung, the townspeoples' folktales said, had been insane, unstoppable: a mad genius far too gone for redemption. niki also knew from his hyungs' fond stories that heeseung, more than evil, was kind and caring; he was loyal, and powerful in his loyalty, and niki thought that if anyone could save his sunghoon-hyung, it was heeseung.

so niki went on a journey. without telling jaywon or anyone else (and thus causing quite the panic), he spent years searching for heeseung, everywhere jaywon had thought to look and everywhere they hadn't, and twice more for good measure. and, by some stroke of luck, either due to his own sheer force of will of something else entirely, niki found him: locked away in an old castle that never quite seemed to stay put, constantly phasing in between realities. it made sense why no one had found him before then—he didn't want to be found. desperately, in fact.

but niki, too, was desperate. he enacted a ritual that was said (by jake, so of course it was to be trusted) to wake any vampire that had gone into hibernation, and, miracles continuing to work for the bitter young boy, it worked. heeseung awoke—startled to find himself staring into the face of a very teary, very angry (visibly) sixteen-year-old.

confusion passed, things and motives were explained, and heeseung (although bitter at having been woken up, and still riddled with enough guilt to last 1500 lifetimes) attempted to patiently tell niki that he had no fucking idea how to help sunghoon whatsoever. niki pretty much said "well you better fucking find a way because you're not going back to sleep now, the world's about to fucking end. also jay and jungwon-hyung have been looking for you for literal centuries, do you know how pissed theyd be if i went out looking for you, found you, then came back empty-handed? really fucking pissed is how much. also sad. did i mention sad?" and heeseung, notoriously weak and also kind of (read: very) in love, is just like "...jungwon? jay?"

so niki brings heeseung back to the others, the return journey taking a long enough time that the two become significantly close to each other, heeseung's long-forgotten big brother instincts (tm) kicking in around the younger vampire. niki has to basically drag heeseung out of the castle by his teeth, because as much as he misses his brother and jungwon, he's still so incredibly guilty, and completely convinced that he isnt worth love or life whatsoever and that jay still hates his guts. and, jungwon... he doesn't even want to think about jungwon. how he failed him. how he let him down. but, niki slowly works through the insecurities, bit by bit: assuring heeseung that, no, even though jay will definitely rip him a new one once he sees him again, he'll also cry and hug him for at least 24 hours because he misses him like hell and heeseungie hyung you have no idea.

they weather a lot together. storms, mental breakdowns, bouts of blood-starvation so severe heeseung thinks he'll lose it again: but they're there for each other. they hunt, talk, keep each other warm, and in it, form an unbreakable bond. niki had heard tales of the legendary lee heeseung, who wiped out entire armies in two seconds flat and comforted his friends when they were sad and annoyed jay to the very ends of the earth: but what he's faced with is a man with more insecurities than niki has hairs on his head—and he has a lot of hairs on his head.

by the time they make it back to the coven's home, heeseung has grown sufficiently attached to the enigma that is niki, and has almost completely but it out of his mind that he's here for his old friends, too. he's only doing this for niki: it's a fact he's comfortable with. so when they reach the front steps he just... freezes.

i have a very clear image of it in my head—jungwon, jay, and jake sense niki's presence, in some weird vampire-y way. it's been around 10, 15 years since he left at this point, so of course they rush out to greet him, ready with scoldings and lashings about how stupid he had been (after, of course, making sure he's unharmed and alright)—but it all dies on their tongues as soon as they see who's with him.

frozen. everything is frozen.

i imagine it's a lot like lulu and artzyy's post. jungwon is the first to move, stepping forward and whimpering out a broken "hyung", and all heeseung's guilt and avoidance is forgotten in favor of cradling jungwon to his chest, holding him close and whispering reassurances into the crown of his head, wonnie, im so sorry, hyung's so sorry; i didn't mean to leave you for so long, i'm here now, its okay. and of course then jay comes in, crying and screaming about how the fuck is it okay, how can it ever be okay, how could you just not mean to leave us alone for 1500 years?! how the fuck do you just expect to waltz back into our lives like nothing ever happened and pretend its all okay?!? and then he hits him, and hurts him, tries to make him feel even an inkling of the hurt he was made to feel for the past fifteen hundred years—but then punching him turns into fisting hands into the back of his shirt and sobbing into his neck and holding him so tight he wouldn't be able to breath if he had the need to and please, please don't leave, why would you leave, you asshole, why did you leave?

so yeah. things happen. reunions are had, tears are shed. some indirect heewon love confessions probably happen later on in the form of very intense devotions of life and self and all that. "walking on the single-log bridge in the dark really isnt so bad" you know the whole shbang. meanwhile jay salty in the background just like "cant you just say you love each other like normal human beings jesus fucking christ"

jayseung's relationship (or the reigniting of it) is, well, rocky. they're both conflicted—jay even more than heeseung. because, the thing is, heeseung killed sunoo. as regretful as he is, that doesn't make it any easier to forget. but he's back, and alive, and in one piece, and he isn't leaving, and jay knows it wasn't really his fault, he wasn't in control—but he killed him. he killed their brother. and it WAS his own stupid fault for losing control in the first place, for not listening to jungwon, so what the hell is jay supposed to think? he flip-flops between being intensely grateful that heeseung is back and okay and finally with them again, and then remembering what he's done, giving him the cold shoulder and not speaking to him for hours on end. and all the while, heeseung is riddled with guilt, and shame, and grief he'd suppressed for far too long; niki's stubbornness combined with jungwon's unwavering support being the only things keeping him from bolting into oblivion all over again. all in all, it's a difficult time—but they get there. eventually.

naturally, they save sunghoon. what else is there to do? they defeat the queen, break her control over their friend—and then jakehoon have their own teary reunion, not unlike heewon's, and sungki have theirs, not unlike jayseung's (although with a... considerable decrease in cursing and conflicted emotions, and a lot more immediate sobbing). they're a mess—sunghoon is traumatized, heeseung is traumatized, jay and niki are traumatized, they're all just fucking traumatized. jayseung will probably take a long time to get back to the way they once were, if it's even possible—there'll always be an empty space there, something gone, something missing, and it's one that can't be filled. jungwon barely lets heeseung out of sight or touch alike, and heeseung isn't much better off. jay's always been the more touchy one out of the three of them; but after years of missing, of longing, there's plenty of time to be made up, and heeseung is just... so, so soft, and warm, and being held by him is the loveliest thing jungwon's ever known.

AND NOW A SUNOO THING, BECAUSE THE IDEA OF ENHA LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS OT6 WITH SUNOO JUST FUCKING DEAD DOES. NOT WORK FOR ME

so like. sunoo isn't dead, or he doesn't stay dead, or not the soulless-unmoving kind of dead anyway. you know how necromancy and fierce corpses exist in donghua and shit? well they exist here too because fuck you and also i said so. i made myself sad and now im making it happy again goddamnit.

anyway. after he dies, sunoo gets found by the queen, too, and because she's all-powerful and whatnot she fucking necromances him—figures he'll be useful later. as he is, though, he's basically nothing more than a puppet; like wen ning and song lan were when they were being controlled. his soul isn't... gone exactly, just imprisoned, prevented from being able to come forward and command his body.

so. sunoo is still partially alive, and the boys (jay, jake, jungwon, sunghoon, niki, and whatnot)... don't know that. i imagine that for pretty much the entirety of the centuries that heeseung is gone, sunoo's status as a necromanced fierce corpse goes entirely unknown to them, and it's only after heeseung is brought back by niki that he starts to resurface. i imagine they realize it in a sort of tense, action-filled scenario: the boys have gone to investigate another attack, thinking it's sunghoon, but as it turns out the queen has had TWO undead corpses running around doing her dirty work instead of one. and one of them is sunoo.

heeseung and jay, of course, are stunned. they cant believe it's real; it isn't real, it can't be—and yet.

a lot of angsty plot stuff happens—i dont have the energy or enough shits to give to figure out what. the thing is, the queen only kept sunoo this long and brought him out as a tactic to lure heeseung, make him weaker; and it probably worked. in the midst of both fighting against sunghoon and fighting to SAVE sunghoon, heeseung is bent on saving sunoo as well, and there's probably a lot of very angsty talk wherein there are disagreements about who's life, really, is more important in this situation, and if heeseung is just trying to make up for what he did to sunoo. regardless, heeseung ends up saving sunoo and bringing his soul back to the surface. what he doesn't expect is for sunoo to forgive him—fully and wholeheartedly. and it feels wrong, because no, you should be angry with me, you should hate me and want to hurt me like i hurt you; but sunoo is just... happy. happy that he's back, happy that heeseung is back, happy that they're all together again. and its conflicting, to say the least. even moreso because sunoo isnt stupid—he didnt just act like heeseung was an innocent who did no wrong; he knew he had been wreckless, knew he was at fault, and he forgave him still. loved him still. that was something heeseung... hadn't been prepared for.

like i said in the last part, they save sunghoon; how, im not sure, but they save him, probably with a fair bit of sunoo's help, and they're together again. only the tiny difference here is that sunoo is with them too. sunoo is back, and the gang has yet another undead bestie to teach the ropes of being a vampire to. things are awkward, obviously, especially between the original brother's trio of heeseung, sunoo, and jay; because sunoo is his usual sweet and kind self while jay believes that he should be more angry at heeseung for killing him, heeseung agrees, and jay has some very conflicted feelings about how self-depricating his hyung is being (because like... yeah you killed sunoo and im supposed to hate you but you're not supposed to hate yourself, you idiot, what the fuck?)

(also like. if we're gonna take some more crumbs from cql canon here im gonna go ahead and say sunoo's death was at least somewhat self-sacrificial, even if it was heeseung that ended up causing it in the end)

(i kind of love how jiang cheng-y i made enhaverse jay here to be honest)

(okay this has been in my drafts WAY too long because ive been waiting for some miraculous Other Detail i need to add to pop up in my mind, but honestly i can just add anything else i think of in a reblog afterwards, this bitch just needs to see the light of day)

[stennnn06]

i dont have the actual energy to write this but i’m just thinking about it being andrea’s birthday, and sam knowing its her birthday, but not wanting to really make a big deal about it and andrea not wanting to tell her. so they’re both stuck in this awkward “i don’t even CARE” vibe, what are FEELINGS (but they both care so, so much). so all day, sam’s kind of lowkey ignoring it, going about her day, secretly freaking out about having to acknowledge it later - what does it mean? what do i do? it has to be perfect! and of course, andrea is sitting there, regal and cold and annoyed, scrolling through her instagram and social media where people are wishing her well, all except ONE person, and she’s fucking livid. even fucking supergirl has acknowledged her and she’s gotten NOTHING but silence from sam. and she isn’t going to outwardly voice her frustration (even though inside she is absolutely raging at herself for caring so much), but it’s driving her crazy....because what the FUCK? it’s so obvious it’s her birthday now, it’s all over the internet, and this is just embarrassing at this point. not even a snarky DM or a dumb selfie that she absolutely wouldn’t stare at for hours, thanks. but she doesn’t want to give sam the satisfaction of knowing she’s hurt so she’s just going around snapping at people who are trying to be nice to her. and sam, meanwhile, is like, furiously researching andrea’s favorite dessert and like messaging with her assistant, and trying to figure out how she can pull off buying/making something that shows she THOUGHT about it. 

and so she doesn’t show up at andrea’s apartment until way too late, because she burned whatever she was trying to make the first time. and then because of that, she had to give up and go to a bakery. so now she’s exhausted, embarrassed and disappointed, because andrea is going to think she completely forgot even though she’s been obsessing for DAYS about this, and she’s still got flour on her shirt and she’s all flustered and she knocks on andrea’s door and andrea is just like -- she wants to be SO MAD but there’s sam with a bakery box, a bottle of wine, and the saddest face, and she’s a mess and she’s so gorgeous and andreas entire heart melts and sam is just like, happy birthday andy.....and andrea is pretty sure it’s her favorite birthday to date and her name sounds so good coming from sam’s mouth and ugh basically what i’m saying is i love them????? 

[reddrobins]

Older! Damian Wayne x Reader

Request(s): Can you do two (sorry if it's too much, you can do only one tho) for Damian Wayne? Sassy: "Hmm. So you 'do' have feelings. " Fluff and romance: "I've loved you for years." Thanks so much! + Hi! Can i request a damian x reader where he denies his feelings towards the reader, which annoys jon 24/7. So jon convinces the reader to fake date him to see for themselves that damian’s hiding his feelings, and it ends up working, as his mood completely changes when he sees jon and the reader together.

(Decided to combine the two because I had a brilliant fic idea)

Summary: After years of denying his feelings for the reader, Damian finally confesses after (Y/N) and Jon ‘date’. 

If there was anything in the entire world that annoyed Jon Kent, it would be Damian's feelings towards you. Or rather his persistent lack thereof. 

The three of you were now seniors in high school and though you may not be in the same school district, let alone city - the trio was closer than ever. Some members even too close, at least to Damians liking. 

It had started about a week ago. Jon had approached you during one of your study hall periods, yes - you lived in Metropolis - with a request unlike any other. 

“Fake date me.” He said bluntly and then quickly blushed at the forwardness of his actions, “I mean only if you want to. But I promise it’s for good reason.”

“Good reason huh? Shoot.” You quirked an eyebrow at him, intrigued. 

Jon sat backwards in the chair in front of you and gave a toothy grin, “So you know how Damian likes you but won’t admit it?” 

You choked at his words, “No Jon, I don’t know. Because he doesn’t. Stop trying to make me feel bad about my crush.” 

The Kent boy groaned and tapped your desk with his finger when you looked down at it. “Nuh uh, you don’t get to do this to yourself. No wallowing on my watch missy. Now listen-“

At those words, Jon then went on to explain his master plan. By getting the two of you to fake date it would make Damian jealous and then bam! (his exact words) you two will fall in love. 

Rolling your eyes at the teen you shook your head. “It’s not going to happen Kent. He obviously doesn’t like me that way.”

Jon groaned in frustration, how come both of you were so dense!

“Just try it (N/N). And hey if it doesn’t work out then you get to say I told you so, yeah?”

You contemplated for a moment. I mean what did you really have to lose? “Fine.” You spat out. “But there’s boundaries.”

The young teen nodded egarly, happy that you finally agreed, “Oh of course. It’ll all be on your terms, but we have to make it look real. We can just hold hands and stuff, you know? We have to make him jealous jealous.”

With a handshake the two of you sealed the deal and you accepted your fate as Jon’s fake girlfriend. 

A few days had passed and the weekend hit. This was the big day, the day you and Jon would be going to Gotham. The first time you’d see Damian as a ‘couple’. 

The two of you clambered up the Wayne manor steps and Jon knocked on the door, making sure to hold your hand (not very subtly) as he did so. 

You heard Damian yell from inside and then the large oak doors opened revealing your tall crush - no, friend. 

“Jon. (Y/N).” He greeted in his ever so formal fashion. “Thank you for coming over, I - Kent, are you holding (N/N)’s hand?”

You cursed internally, god why did you agree to this?

Jon gave a small chuckle, “Of course, why wouldn’t I be holding her hand, that's what lovers do right?”

You stared at Jon deadpanned, could he possibly be any less subtle? 

Damian on the other hand had the adverse reaction, his eyes flared, his chest rose, his hands clenched and then just like that, he was back to his normal self. “I’m sorry?” He said.

Jon gave your hand a squeeze, signaling that it was your turn to talk. You cleared your throat, “Yup, yes, that's what we are… lovers.” you cringed at your wording, now not so judgemental of Jon but yourself.

“I see.” said the young Wayne, “So, when did this pairing begin?”

Before either of you answered, Damian shook his head, “How rude of me, please come in - you know where to go.”

The three of you raced up the grand staircase up to Damian's bedroom. He opened the door for the two of you as you followed in, both sitting on the edge of his bed.

Damian stood in front of the two of you and crossed his arms, “So, when’d you get the balls to ask her out Kent?” he said rather sharply.

Your mouth dropped open, what the hell had gotten into Damian, he'd never say anything like that, ever.

Turning to Jon, you saw he had the same reaction and you squeezed his hand to edge him to answer. “Um, well I just realized that I’d always had a crush on her and so finally my dad convinced me to ask (N/N) out and I did!” 

Damian squinted his eyes at his super friend and sneered, “Always had a crush on her, huh?”  Jon, like a lovesick puppy, nodded in response.

There had been two things in Jon's sentence that set him off, first, never telling Damian about his secret crush and secondly, him using your nickname. Only Damian got to say (N/N).

“Well then, I am glad you are both happy with this partnership.” he forced out, faking a smile all the while his heart ached on the inside. But he’d never let them know.

A week had passed and yet again the weekend was there, however this wasn't just any weekend, no this was the weekend of August ninth, or more specifically, the weekend of Damians 18th birthday.

The Waynes had planned a large gala to celebrate the occasion and of course, both you and Jon were invited.

The two of you stepped into the large ballroom, your gown shimmering behind you (Lois had helped you pick it out). You felt like a princess, and though you weren't with the prince you wanted to be with, you were happy to be here with Jon.

“Damian is so going to freak when he sees you, I’d be surprised if he doesn't just kiss you on the spot” He whispered to you. In response you slapped his arm lightly, hissing out his name.

However friendly the gesture may have been, it came off as an intimate moment from one watcher in the crowd.

Damian was standing off to the side, a flute of champagne in his hand. When he saw what he assumed to be a moment between two lovers he squeezed the glass so tightly, it cracked. He cursed, wiping the dripping champagne off his hands as he continued to watch the two of you hold hands in the ballroom.

When Jon once more leaned into your ear to whisper something, Damian finally decided enough was enough. Waltzing over to the two of you he put on a forced smile, “(Y/N)... Kent. Nice to see you both.”

You let go of Jons hand and tackled Damian into a hug, “Happy Birthday Dami!”

The teen blushed furiously, but successfully hid it in your hair, hugging you back. Damian pulled away, “Thank you, it has gotten so much better now that you’re here.” He whispered.

You froze in spot, had you imagined that or...

Damian, soon realizing what he had said, cleared his throat, “I meant to say now that you’re both here. I’m glad to see you all arrived to save me from the socialites.”

Jon chuckled at that and gave Damian a hug as well, “Of course!” He said, “Me and my sweet couldn’t leave our best bro all alone on his b-day!”

The Wayne teen outwardly cringed at Jon’s sentiment, god could he be any more annoying, he thought to himself.

Jon caught on to Damians disgusted glare and saw this as an ample opportunity to let the two of you ’hash out your feels’.

Just as Damian went to speak, Jon swiftly interrupted, “I think I am going to head over to get some punch for me and (N/N).” He turned to you, “Be right back my love.”

And he kissed you.

As your face flushed and Damians flashed in anger, Jon smiled and walked away towards the bar.

The two teens stood in silence for a few minutes, you unsure how to react and Damian trying to calm himself down.

“So”, you stated. “Did you get anything exciting today? Like, birthday present wise...” You laughed awkwardly, trailing off.

Damians jaw unclenched as he looked at you once again, god you looked otherworldly. What he wouldn’t do to be in Jons position.

You caught his starring and waved a hand in front of his face, “Hey Dami, you still here?”

He nodded and then swallowed, still shocked by Jons actions. “Tell me (N/N), how are you and Kent doing?”

You furrowed your brows, it was his birthday, surely he had other things to talk about... why this?

Shrugging you responded, “We’re doing well, great even, I mean it’s nice, we’re nice.” You stumbled over your words, doing your best to give seemingly sincere response.

Damian just nodded, unhappy with your answer. Though him and Jon were the best of friends, he just wished that the Kent teen was an awful boyfriend, that way it would be easier for Damian to make you his.

“I’m so happy for you.” He struggled out, but you were oblivious to his obvious distaste.

“Hmm, so you do have feelings?” You joked.

Damian rolled his eyes, glad you didn’t question his emotions, “Yeah, yeah, whatever (L/N).”

Silence once again took over the conversation and you began to wonder where the hell Jon went. You craned your neck to look over Damians shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the bar.

You frowned when Jon was nowhere to be seen. Confusion grew within you until your phone dinged.

Taking it out of your pure, you saw you had one new message from the super-boyscout, it read:

‘Hey (Y/N), I left the party to give you and D some alone time, please don’t be mad at me and especially DONT BE A COWARD AND KISS THE FOOL. Luv u’

“Everything alright?” Damian questioned, catching your frustrated glare at your cellphone.

Shoving it back into your bag, you smiled, “Yeah, all good, just Jon.”

Damian clenched his fists, “Oh?” He questioned, mocking sincerity, “Is everything okay though?”

You waved your hand in dismissal, “Yeah he just had a family emergency back in Metropolis so he had to leave early, he wishes you a super birthday though!” You wiggled your eyebrows at the last sentence, making sure to add emphasis on super.

Damian rolled his eyes again, this time in amusement, “Wonderful. Though I feel like his birthday tends to be more super.”

You laughed, god you loved talking to Damian, you could do this for ages.

“Would you maybe like to go somewhere more private to talk? Galas have never been my scene.” Damian suggested.

“Are you sure?” You asked, “I’d hate to take the birthday boy away from his own party.”

Damian smirked, “I’m sure they could last a few hours without me. Plus, they’re more here for my father than I, business deals and all.”

You shrugged and followed Damian into his fathers study, where unlike the ballroom, it was nice and quiet.

The two of you sat down onto the sofa and you immediately took of your heels, throwing them to the floor.

Damian laughed at your pained expression, “Not a fan huh?”

You chucked, “God no, those things are the worst.”

“You know, you could’ve just worn flats. Hell, you could have worn pajamas and you’d still be the most gorgeous person in there.”

You blushed at his words, not expecting them to be so flirtatious. Maybe Jon was right? you thought, Maybe I should make a move.

You were just about to thank him for his kind words when your phone buzzed again, another message from Jon,

I’m serious (Y/N), you better ask him out or I will honestly explode. I can’t handle the tension anymore.

This time, you groaned whilst reading the message and shoved your phone back into the handbag. “I literally cannot believe him.” You grumbled.

“Jon again?” Damian sneered, looking way from you and down to his shoes.

“Yeah. He just keeps bugging me to do this thing, it’s driving me crazy.” you sighed.

Against his better judgement, Damian blurted out, “Maybe you should breakup.”

Your eyes widened at his suggestion, “What?”

The Wayne teen all but shrugged, “If hes bothering you that much, maybe you aren’t meant to be. Surely there are millions of other suitors out there perfect for you.” Other suitors like him.

“Damian, where is this coming from?” You questioned.

Damian sighed and then finally, he broke. “I can’t do this anymore (N/N). I can not stand to watch you and Kent flirt back and forth when it should be me doing that with you. I’ve hid and denied my feelings for far too long, but (Y/N) (L/N), I’ve loved you for years. And I know I shouldn’t, it is unjust for me to be in love with my best friends lover but I can not help it. I love you.”

Through his monologue, Damian gripped both of your hands, lightly squeezing them, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your palm.

“You love me?”

Damian just nodded, not willing to look you in the eyes.

You bit your lip, Jons words ringing through your ears, There’s no time like the present, I guess, you said to yourself.

So without any further thought, you lightly placed your hands on Damians face and kissed him.

He instantly wrapped his arms around you waist, savoring this moment, but swiftly pulled back, eyes wide.

“B-But Jon...” He stuttered out.

You leaned your forehead against his, “It was faked, he thought you’d finally confess your feelings if you saw us together and I have to hand it to him, he was right.”

“So.” Damian began smiling, “Does that mean I can ask you to be mine?”

You  pecked his lips and then leaned into his chest, “Of course.”

Does anyone wish to be added in a tag list?

[lothloriien]

Hi again, you said I could ask you questions about how to respectfully portray the muslim characters in my comic but my brain is dumb and as soon as I got permission to ask it forgot all my questions. So do you or your followers have any suggestions of things I should and shouldn't do? (Sorry, and thank you for helping)

oh hello again! sure thing, i got some basic pointers. im going to give you pointers for creating a character who is outwardly religious and inwardly religious as well. this is not to say that people who look religious always are, or that everyone who is religious also looks religious, but the fact is that any muslim portrayed as religious is usually oppressed or a terrorist, which is why it’s important to show religious muslims as good character

- don’t have a muslim with a story arc of them rejecting their “religious traditions” and “becoming free” and “walking away from oppression.” it’s an extremely islamophobic trope, and i can’t believe i actually have to say it, but it’s disrespectful to a religion to only portray characters who hate it. i understand that there are people who reject the religious traditions (almost all of which are actually cultural, and the rest of which are generally just taught wrong) and generally do feel as though they need to leave the religion. it happens with every religion. however when those are the only characters ever portrayed in the media, it needs to stop

- the trope of the oppressed hijabi finding love with a white guy and breaking the rules of her religion to date him because it’s ~true love~ needs to die. immediately. generally dating isn’t a thing done in our religion, not just culturally. for the most part, when you want to get married, you meet someone (usually through your friends/family, nowadays online is more popular too), you guys “court” like in a jane austen novel, then get married. it’s not difficult, and for the most part people don’t see it as a big deal

- generally i would stay away from a romance arc at all. dating is generally not done, and while yes people will do it, it’s an iffy topic. generally people try to remedy this by giving the muslim an arranged marriage love interest (see: rick riordan). this is even worse. they don’t need a love interest

- they’re usually not as close with the opposite gender. yes, again, some people are, but for example you have a hijabi character, she’s not going to take her hijab off in front of a guy because she “considers him family” (again, see: rick riordan). also most muslim women (religious ones) won’t touch a male that they aren’t related to (and vice versa, a religious guy won’t touch an unrelated girl) unless in an emergency. this is not a weird thing. i had a friend in my islamic school (he left for high school, havent spoken to him in a while), and in situations where there would normally be physical contact, we just avoided it. i was freaking out before a performance, he gave me a pep talk and we air fived. it’s completely normal and not a big deal

- in cases of a medical emergency: if a hijabi needs immediate medical attention and she doesn’t have a hijab on, the priority is her health and safety. if the doctor is a guy, so be it. nobody is gonna say “oh, 911? we have someone having a heart attack, but make sure your entire staff is female,” you just take whoever is coming. in situations where someone is able to get a hijab on her, they might try to do that, but again, it’s more likely that they’ll bring one to the hospital instead of putting it on her while she’s having a stroke. there is absolutely no sin involved here, so don’t have them freak out like omg im going to hell i dont have a hijab on. maybe they’ll feel exposed or embarrassed, but that would be about it

- if you have a hijabi character living in western society, she will probably complain about the lack of hijab-friendly clothes. she will probably look at any article of clothing that catches her eye and try to “halalify” it (”hmmm i could wear a cardigan with this and then wear that pink hijab” “if i can find sleeves to wear with that dress then i could make it work” “i’d probably need to pin the neck, it’s too wide for my hijab to cover”). she will also probably have her hair showing occasionally when it’s windy or she’s wearing a slippery material. she will also probably curse and try to cover it up when someone mentions it

- we’re normal people. we have the same interest, likes, dislikes as anyone else. just make sure you’re not writing a character who hates their religion, since that’s all too common

if you have any other specific questions, don’t hesitate to ask! im happy to answer :)

[bakatenshii]

Katsuki x Leese HCs

I uhhh have no excuses for this. This turned out so much longer than expected and I just?? Hope you don’t lose too many braincells hehe Inspired by our mutual obsession love for the Yakuza. For @lookslikeleese 3.5k! U make my kokoro doki doki ♡︎ \٩(๑`^´๑)۶/ ♡︎

So we all know Weese Leese as this saint, an angel sent from above, a pure soul that could do no wrong.

Leese, who puts up with our spamming, random bursts of thirst at 4am, answering everyone with nothing less than kind words straight out of a self-help book.

The reincarnation of Mother Theresa herself, if you will (minus the controversial problematic part)

Except I’m bout to blow your mind right now, cue the big TRIGGER WARNING: MIND BLOWING INFO AHEAD:

She’s a bit of a closet brat. No, not the kind that’s outwardly sassy, she’s just not a pushover. And maybe a lil stubborn.

Especially if someone who has no right to challenge her is speaking down to her.

See: 6’3, beeg beefy undercut Katsuki

Katsuki, who’s patrolling his district in the Kabukicho, making sure no one’s doing illegal business in his area, his property

He probably didn’t need two bodyguards with him, he could handle himself just fine. (He doesn’t know that they were just there to keep him in line, make sure he doesn’t blow up a hostess club because a man walked in who looked like Deku)

But it was a spectacle to see either way, three massive tatted men storming down the rowdy streets like it’s nobody’s business— (soon there might be none left if they keep scaring the fucking customers away)

Don’t get impatient, we’ll tie them together somehow I promise, and no they’re not going to fight over spilt boba this time

(Or any mugging of any kind, though that’s a good fuckin trope that I will shamelessly re-use)

Weese Leese is walking home from work, and sees some sketchy men in a dingy alleyway in sunglasses and suits— she knew right away that they were Top Tier suspy

I mean, if the way they were trying to coerce an innocent-looking girl in school uniform didn’t already give it away, the sunglasses at 8pm definitely did the job.

So Weese Leese took her whole Mother Theresa, Thou Shalt Not Hurt an Innocent Girl (pls no one religious attack me please) ass over

Because she’s too good for this world, honestly

Can’t help but jump in to try and help someone in potential danger, she knew it all too well herself.

Of course the men flip out, screaming at her to fuck off or take the poor girl’s spot

(for the sake of this AU we’re going to pretend that either we all speak fluent anime Japanese or it’s in English, plotholes be damned)

This is when Big Boss Katsuki comes marching in, wide as the alleyway itself, and—

Doesn’t come to Weese Leese’s aid, SIKE yall thought he was gonna be a knight in shining armour?

Nah, he’s pissed that a random woman is sticking her nose in somewhere she doesn’t belong

There’s a lot of ‘aniki’s and ‘oyabun’s and ‘kumicho’s going around, and Weese Leese has seen enough Yakuza movies fantasized about enough tatted men with missing pinkies to understand that she fucked up

Sort of.

This 200lbs of pure muscle of a man is the Head of Some Family, probably, and like, yeah, realistically she should be flittering in fear, but the only thing she’s getting are fanny flutters (alliteration or whatever, we out here)

BUT how much she wants to fuck this man still doesn’t excuse the fact that his subordinates were trying to force a (most-likely) underage girl into fuck-knows-what

So when Katsuki, in true aggressive on-brand fashion, practically roars out a

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, woman? Stay in your lane, this is my business”

She actually, to everyones surprise, retorts:

“Maybe teach your subordinates to use their brains a lil and pick out someone who’s not clearly underage and still in uniform next time, then.”

So now we’re back to the beginning, end of the: record scratch, freeze frame, ‘Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here’ sequence

Told you it’d all tie together, sans-boba

Back to the show:

Katsuki’s fucking shocked, kinda impressed, but mostly pissed off that some ‘stupid woman’ is talking back to him telling him how to run his business

Weese Leese is… kind of terrified, mostly turned on though, because her brain’s wiring must’ve gotten tangled when she turned into this alleyway.

Sucks for him because she had a point, and Katsuki’s not fucking blind— he can see the uniform clearly on this stupid girl’s body.

They deal with it some Yakuza way, I’ll spare yall the details and me the work of doing research and writing more nonsensical irrelevant waffle (because weese has the attention span of a 3 year old and doesn’t like long drawn out narratives boohoo)

Cut scene back to Katsuki, his two irrelevant bodyguards, and Weese Leese, stood alone in the alleyway.

He’s fuming because she’s demanding an apology for his attitude, his bodyguards are only slightly worried they might have to repave the alleyway (again), and Weese Leese is…

scanning any sliver of exposed skin for some yummy scary tattoos

Long story short, one long passive aggressive (from Leese’s end), straight up aggressive (from Katsuki’s end), argument later, he swallows his pride and offers her a drink at a local bar he owns as a means of apology.

because he’s not saying those words

(also to flex, he’s a proud bastard, he is)

We’ve all read Weese Leese’s hcs about drunk! Leese right? So we know how bold she is?

And how touchy she is and how her brain-to-mouth filter takes a holiday on a Caribbean island so she’s spouting shit like ‘show me your tattooooooos’ and not noticing how he’s blushing in response?

Drunk! Leese gets too drunk, and conveniently loses her keys (she just can’t find them, dont worry we’re not losing deposit money here) so in true Josei manga fashion, he takes her to a hotel 

(THAT HE OWNS, HE OWNS EVERYTHING, OYABUN KATSUKI COMING THROUGH)

Because he can’t take her back to his, obviously. Not only is that embarrassing but also dangerous.

(Not that he cares what happens to her, obviously)

Stupid fucking tsundere

Do they diddle the do at the hotel? You decide, but they definitely diddle the do the next morning when she wakes up, sees him splayed on the bed on his stomach and she absentmindedly traces over the back-piece he’s got.

Yeah, he’s for a back-piece. It’s entirely self-indulgent, I don’t care. He’s also got all ten of his fingers because I say so.

And he wakes up with a raging boner mighty need and a half naked girl in his bed caressing the muscles on his back and

BLEEP

Insert censor bar here.

He doesn’t admit that he likes her, of course he doesn’t. Do you even know how tsunderes work?

He just thinks she’s nice, and comforting, let’s him be loud and angry all he wants, but can also stand her own ground and so, so lovely fun to be around. She’s great company, that’s all.

The head of a house needs a woman to play around with, right? That’s what all his shateis say (see: Yakuza term for younger brothers)

So what if they don’t buy their women flowers, take them to fancy dinners at restaurants they own, pound them against the penthouse windows of hotels they own, and begrudgingly take hot soaks in the fancy marble bathtubs the morning after.

He’s just better than them, that’s all.

He’s always the best at what he does, always has to be #1, so courting a woman shouldn’t be any different.

It’s not until his shateis poke fun at how soft he’s become and asks him when he’s inviting her to move in when he realizes—

fuck.

He’s in too deep.

But there’s something special about fucking his woman on the ancient tatami flooring of the house, (he’d only had to replace two holes, so he’s doing alright to be fair) 

Or outside on the wooden planks of the hallway, legs pushed down to her ears as he plows her in front of the judging eyes of the Koi fish in the Japanese garden.

Or having her parade around in clothes he chooses for her, proudly displaying her as his. And so they live happily ever after, Yakuza movie style.

They might pop out an heir within the next two years, but that’s all for the better, right? Gotta continue the bloodline and whatnot.

edit: weese made a picrew with yakuza! katsuki

[thelittlehansy]

EMPATH ?

in an old post where i was analyzing hans family and his personality in a frozen heart i come to the conclusion it could be maybe possible he was an empath and could also explain his behavior in the movie.

So because i m obesss 

by list 😁

by prince hans of the southern isles 😁

and because it seems funny 😁

here it is a list 50 traits of empath to see what can we say about hans being one  based on every information about him in the movie and since we have a whole book who got deeper about his personality also a frozen heart.

first what is an empath :  “ Empaths, or clairsentients (literally, “clear sensing”), absorb the emotional and physical energies of those around them.  Often confused with the term empathy, which is the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes, an empath literally feels the emotion or pain of another”

i put 4 categories :

positive  ,

possible ,

negative ,

we dont know.

1-You’re often told you are “too sensitive” or emotional.

hans family told him that , he is mice , he is weak , Runo and rudi mock him andt tell him he is mommy boy because of it ,he is soft this is the main reason his dad encourage his brothers to bully him wants to “toughen him” he hates violence and brute ( reveal in a frozen heart) it makes think of his father and brothers and he hates it but then it didnt really bother him to left a girl to died ? So not positive but not 100% negative. this is diffuclt ! 

Possible ? 🤨🤨

2-.Overwhelmed In Public Places

i was going to say we dont know but..Then i thought about that scene XD

so funny how much deduction we can make based on so little things.😄😄  on a frozen heart this is hans who propose anna to go see the garden flower so maybe ? but then this is more easily to be alone with someone when you want to seduce that person. also on a frozen heart Hans  wait 20 minutes to enter in room where was throw his mother birthday. but again the main reason is because his brothers are exhausting.

not positive but possible ? maybe ? 

3-You crave solitude, whether you are an introvert or extrovert by nature.

woooo on a frozen heart : 

“ the dock was one of the farthest  points from the westergaard castle which was part of its appeal for hans. his brothers couldn't be bothered to walk all the way down there just to tease him so it gave him the chance for the peace and quiet he craved it also give him to think something most of his brothers frankly couldn’t cared less about” Hans is an extrovert ! check his personality ENFJ. so positive !

4-Other people unload on you, telling you their problems and life stories, even if you have never met.

Looooooooove is an opeeeeeeen dooooooor 

Positive !

5-You can tell the mood of a room instantly upon entering.

does the fact that Hans know what to say to elsa when he enter in the ice castle count ? so not positive but i think this is really possible hans is really good with the emotions and read people this is confirm on a frozen heart  “ hans could read people and he knew elsa wasn't lying”Possible? nothing reject it hans is very good wih feeling and emotions ! 

possible

6-As you drive or walk through a town, your emotions fluctuate depending on the houses you pass.

we dont know 

7-You have an artistic nature.

possible ? even more with his context of family ? i mean i can see hans have an artistic side to deal with his environment. Possible ?

8-You tend to be a “fixer” who always wants to help others improve their lives.

well he wants to be a king ?maybe ? reading a frozen heart something that struck me is that he has a huuuge need to be needed he wants to help and the fact that he is 13th in line and will never have to help no one really is big deal for him. so not positive but i do think this is possible well when he is not comploting  some master mind plan.😄

Possible

9-You have vivid or lucid dreams and often wake up feeling as though you never slept.

dont know !

10-Sometimes you “just know” what someone is about to say or do.

with the fact that hans mirror people in some scene , love is an open door scene and also that he is a very intuitive person i think this is possible.!

Possible

11-You are drawn to healing or holistic professions (medical, spiritual, or religious).

dont know 😂but hans is attract by politic so negative ? 

12-Your life is filled with an array of déjà vu moments, synchronicities, coincidences or patterns.

dont know 

13-You have a strong intolerance for pain.  On the flip side, you have the ability to “check out” of yourself if in an extremely painful situation.

dont know.

14-Watching the news affects you and the stories stick with you for days or years.

there is not news in the southern isles 🤣🤣dont know.

15-Seeing someone in an embarrassing situation physically pains you.

possible ? i m thinking about the beginning of the movie when hans make anna fall on the boat so maybe ? We dont knows but i think this is possible ?

16-You suffer from chronic lower back or shoulder pain.

dont know haha

17-You love to have control over your environment and become uncomfortable, frustrated or even angry (though you may not express it outwardly) when you are unable to.

 if i remember well this is one of the thing that hans do in a froze heart he hates losing control over his environment. so  positive ?

18-You know easily when someone is lying.

“ hans could read people and he knew elsa wasn't lying” dungeon scene a frozen heart what is in hans mind. Positive

19-Similarly, you know in a moment when someone is not to be trusted.

Positive !  also when hans leave arendelle with the guards he tell to one of his man : “ keep an eyes on the duke” “ i dont trust him i think he is trying to undermine me”

20-You can relate effortlessly to situations which you have never experienced.

possible ? 

21-You use physical stimuli as a means of escape (alcohol, drugs, video games, sex, etc.), then feel guilty about escaping.

dont know.

22-You are a passionate person, particularly when it comes to human or animal rights.

hans talk about hunting with his father in his daydream , so now the question is can you hunt and be for animals right ? difficult to say because people for animal rights tend to hate hunting ? But people who hunts are not people against animal right then hans has a really good connection with horse.so honestly i dont know. also he is someone that wants to help but was teach that be human is not a good thing. so i just dont know.

23-The weather strongly affects your emotional state and you have symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Dont know but....now that im thinking about it maybe the eternal winter is the reason of hans betrayal !  like it was summer but the winter do something in his head. XD so

 dont know ! 

24-You have been diagnosed with a mental illness such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder.

i have read a lot about this subject and analyze hans in a frozen heart some people come to the conclusion that hans may be depressed. positive ?

25-You feel most like yourself in nature, away from people or man-made objects.

turning he made his way out of the caslte and toward the sea” a frozen heart .possible ? 

26-Antique stores make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

dont know.

27-Some places you have never before been feel like home.

sounds familiar ? Arendelle? 😄😄😄😄 

more seriously maybe ? nothing suggest the contrary so possible but nothing suggest this is positive

Dont know

28-You long to travel and meet new people and cultures.  You consider yourself a free spirit.

We dont know but hans is a free spirit ? he is independent and think differently that his brothers ? so maybe ? Possible ?

29-Owning too many physical items makes you feel weighted down.  Clutter overwhelms you or leaves you feeling constricted or imprisoned.

we dont know

30-You prefer to focus on one task at a time.

Arendelle crown 🤴🤴

Arendelle crown 😵😵🤴🤴

Only arendelle crooown.😵😵😵😵

Possible ? 😅

31-Despite getting enough sleep, you constantly feel fatigued, both physically and mentally.

dont know.

32-You have a history of paranormal experiences (ghost or angel sightings, out of body experiences, etc.).

dont know😂

33-The emotions of your loved ones affects you throughout the day, even if you are physically apart.

Hummm.....he feels empathy for his mother sister in laws because they are ignore by his father and brother...bu we dont dont if it affect him for the day ?

Dont know

I find also  : 

34-“you are rule breaker “ 

hans dont seems to be one at all on the contrary based on the movie and a frozen heart.

Negative ?

35-you have a big heart ? 

he dont seems to have a big heart we knows he like to help but he is also selfish opportunistic.

Maybe hans had a big heart but with his father education. Hans reject his father education but at the same time no. But well i will say

Negative

36 -You sense things that other people miss.

“dont be the monster they fear you are” hans interaction with elsa at the ice castle so i would say positive ?

37-You’re extremely intuitive.

i remember than Hans  in a frozen heart said that he was working with his intuition. I also check Hans type of personality and i found : ENFJ let’s also say that he succeeded into changing his plan throughout the whole movie without losing his goal in mind.  he adapt to the situation easily so well hans is definitely someone very intuitive.

Positive !

38-You need to be near water.

“ turning he made his way out of the castle and toward the sea” a frozen heart .positive

39-You often find yourself absorbing other people’s emotions (both good and bad).

He really seems to absorb everyone emotions when we look at his facial expression Even during the betrayal scene ? he was happy then anna got mad he got mad.( well this is the famous mirror theory on a frozen heart hans say this is something his father told him to manipulate but the only time he used it is for the duke of weselston and a moment we didnt saw on the movie not the others times)

possible ?

40-You get "gut feelings” often (and they’re almost always right).

Its works with hans being intuitive ? So we dont really have evidence , nothing reject it so i wil say this is possible.

41-You often feel other people’s pain.

well his behavior in the movie again suggest this is really possible. i m gonna talk about the scene with anna during the coronation night that could explain why it was so easy to hans to get anna he feel her emotions and how lost and lonely she was.  and the scene when hans calm anna horse with his facial expression. at the ice castle scene hans see that elsa is scared and during the dungeon scene also maybe ? in a frozen heart hans say that he can read really well people elsa wasnt lying and she wanted to go back to her ice castle and let her sister clean the mess.so not positive but possible ? 

Possible ?

43-You constantly seek answers for everything.

dont know

44-You know that your energy can change the atmosphere around you.

Possible ? Anna was sad in on instant hans presence change her mood with the aredelle citizens also ? maybe ? in both the movie and  a frozen heart they were all kind of deseparate but then once hans in charge it does change.

45-You go back and forth between being very expressive and very reclusive.

we dont really know;

46-You sometimes find yourself putting others’ needs before your own.

Well nope not that much 😅 but hans dont even knows what are his needs.in the movie he put his need before anna elsa ,

but lets notice that it does fit with him being a social chameleon he gives the people what they want he makes them comfortable , give them their need in order for them to give to him what he want. Please his family to have their respect is also something he do before knewing

Honestly i dont know what to think ?

47-You always need to know the truth and do not like deceit.

Know the truth ? Nothing say the opposite so possible ? not like deceit ? interesting ! what would hans feel if someone did to him what he did to anna ?

Possible ?

48-You’re a free spirit and find yourself daydreaming often.

based on the movie we dont know , with a frozen heart we learn that hans is see as different as his brothers , he is independent and dont think like them. hans does daydreaming a lot before he decide to go to arendelle he was ( 17 , 20 with his real age)in a frozen heart. at one moment he said to himself that he need to sop daydream all day. so positive ?

49-You’re extremely open-minded and accepting of all people and lifestyles.

we dont really knows. no element at all.

50-You won’t let a problem go until you find a satisfying solution.

at a moment hans said he cant tell the number time he had tried to find a peaceful solution with his brothers and father.

Positive

I admit most of them are difficult to tell and there is a part of subjectivity.

So Result :

Positive : 11

Possible : 16

Negative : 3

We dont know : 19

so there is a lot of thing we dont know a lot of thing that are possible others. several things are positive and also some negative but there are less than positive like 3 ? . 

in conclusion i think that hans being an empath with the amount of traits that are possible and the one that are positive it can be a headcanon. he is brillant with emotions,he knows very well how to read people , if they lied , if they dont lied and feeling others feeling can really explain how easily it was for him.

I think hans be an empath is great for 3 reasons :

1-it give a different vision about the famous miror theory

hans mirror everyone because he feel everyone emotions around him not because he is a psycho/ narcissist. Psycho/narcissist are not the only one who mirror people empath also but anyway hans dont mirror all the time people in the movie and also made several post about the subject on my blog there were a lot thing that hans didnt have with psycho and even more about narcissist and with what we knows about him in a frozen heart he is neither a psychopath or a narcissist but well here the subject is empath.

 2-hans be an empath fix , give a reason to hans very stupid villain mistake

Hans be an empath is a post that i wanted to make since a long time and coincidence one day while i was reading some old hans post on tumblr and i see someone talk about hans be an empath and make a point very interesting.

That maybe hans be an empath is the reasons why he left anna to die ?

One of the big thing that dont make any sense with hans actions is why he didnt patiently wait for anna to freeze to death and go tell the diagnatery that anna was dead without them excepting to check the body.

Also why he was going to decapitate elsa right know but just couldnt stayed with anna to wait he had froze to death (for him elsa was in the dungeon so not even a need to be fast)

The person make the point that anna death would have be very slow and hans would have lost an advantage if he was an empath absorbing all the emotions. if she stay with her thats why he left her to died and he choose also a fast death for elsa.

Wanted to talk about that because it give an interesting explication more than "he left her because the plot ask for it and for the villain to be dumb and lose"🤔😄😄

-To finish hans be empath is realistic

what we learn about hans his description in a frozen heart is that he is the 13th son of a tyranical and narcissist father he live all his life with 11 bullies who pick on him because he is softer. He has live all his live in an environnent of hypervigilence and trauma and suffer from childhood neglect this are ways empath are made in real life with the presence of biological factor. ( trauma dont makes just psychopath/sociopath people *rolled my eyes*😅)

[buzzybeesinlove]

My Thoughts on Izzie/Cazzie

i honestly don’t understand people that have said izzie is emotionally manipulative?? maybe i’ve got blinders on because i love her, but the way that she treats casey over season 2 and especially season 3, aren’t manipulative to me. she’s hurtful for sure and makes a lot of mistakes, but i dont see that as toxic or manipulative. it means she’s a human being. So below here, i’m gonna talk about this more in detail, hope you enjoy my ramblings lol.

 it’s established really early on how shitty izzie’s home life is, and how at only 16 years old she has to deal with school work, a whole ass track team and a future in track, and deal with her mom/her mom’s violent boyfriends (i’m pretty sure there’s a scene where she’s describing one of them is throwing things right?), and on top of that she has to be the one to take care of her siblings half the time. It’s a lot of shit to deal with at such a young age and it’s just ?? can you really blame her being a “hot and cold mess of a person”? her mother clearly isn’t a big supporter, her grandma is there for her but she’s probably old and isn’t ALWAYS able to help, and not to mention it doesn’t seem like she has a father figure anymore. all this topped with her new feelings for casey, who is a GIRL and can be super fucking scary, she’s gonna be super hot and cold.

for sure, she does some things that hurt casey, like kissing that random guy and saying not to broadcast their personal business to everyone. people think this is really OOC for her, and I personally don’t think so and here’s why. every time izzie has expressed feelings/done something cute for casey or just towards casey, no one’s been around them. they held hands in casey’s car, a private space, and the massive kiss revealing all their feelings was on the track, where they were alone. she’s never outwardly expressed anything romantic in public where everyone can see, besides maybe feeding her at the dinner party, but it wasn’t something obvious to most of the guests except for gretchen. and I feel like her stating “i dont want my personal business broadcasted” is her way of showing casey and the viewers that she wasn’t ready to be out and proud yet. maybe the obvious nature of feelings towards casey and how much she really likes her gave casey, and viewers, the vibe that she didn’t care what others would say and would full on go for it. but we’ve only really seen them do couple things in private up until the party.

izzie hurts casey really bad here, and i recognise that. but I don’t think it’s OOC to think that with all of the pressure of her home life, and her own expectations of herself in school, her whole life she’s probably not wanted distractions from anything. she allows the distraction of her feelings for casey, because lordt does that girl fucking love casey. her expressions, the heart eyes she gives her all the time, the things she says to her - she’s in love. and she’s proud to be in love with her, but like every gay panic and scared queer in the closet, at that moment at the party it maybe became all too real what they were doing. she wants casey, but it became all too real for her that maybe people wouldn’t approve. she wasn’t ready for the rest of their school to see that, and how it could impact everything she’s worked super hard for at clayton. i think that’s why she went and kissed the guy, even though it wasn’t right; she was just terrified, and she wasn’t thinking right. many people do that.

plus, every single time she messes up, she’s apologised to casey pretty much immediately afterwards. the dinner party, kissing the guy, and other moments, she’s had clear reasons for why she’s acted out, and she’s said sorry every single time. izzie even clearly explains at clayton outside of the office how her mother has influenced her over the years, and it’s probably planted some self-destructive tendencies in her. she’s aware of them, tells casey that she’s trying to not be like that, and she deadass throws everything out the window and kisses casey TWICE in the hallway because she realises how much casey means to her and how she’s completely worth it.

for me, izzie isn’t necessarily emotionally manipulative. but just a scared 16 year old that has way too much baggage and shit going on that it’s hard for her to connect sometimes. and casey understands that now, and they’re both more than willing to go through this shit together. they love each other, and izzie loves her, and if we get a season 4 i feel like we’ll for sure get to see more of their dynamic and more of izzie and her home life. i look forward to it.

sorry this was long, i just had this bottled up and wanted to get it out lol. this isn’t an attack on anyone specific on here, or twitter or anything; i’ve seen a few posts saying this type of thing about izzie, and i wanted to put this out there to express my feelings about it and say how i feel about izzie and her situation. i love cazzie and i can’t wait for season 4, yeet!

[sovengarde]

i hate to vent in public but at this point my notes app is filling up and i have no where else to let this out

i really fucking hate being mentally ill. i fucking hate that i blow up at small things and push everyone away. i always fuck everything up, one way or another. everything is always my fault.

my mother has a friend she wants us to stay with but i hate it over there. im trying not to sound like some stoner cali dude but literally the vibe there makes me physically sick. by the time we're leaving, or fuck even before then, im just so drained of any energy it's not even funny. like i cant fall asleep to save my life but as soon as we get home im passed out, provided i didnt do that in the car.

but because the situation at home isnt great either she wanted us to stay with her. and normally i just say no i dont and it never really escalates but when the whole fight that happened last week between my mother and grandfather that denial was fought by her. i told her i didnt want to go into detail and she got upset but i figured it wouldnt be a problem like any other time.

so she leaves for a week to spend some time there and i locked myself in my room for the week. it felt nice to be by myself and not on edge all the time. because being around her is also draining. fuck she even said she had an amazing time. i've been trying to convince her to go back next week lol.

i walk on eggshells around my own mother. anytime she does anything remotely wrong i have to just sit and take it, because god forbid i bring up any concern to her. she shuts down and then a few hours later im being guilt tripped into apologizing. lather rinse repeat for the 19 years ive been alive.

honestly i wouldve rather have been raised like she was and not allowed to talk about anything at all. rather than her telling me i can talk about anything and when i actually do she throws it back into my face and blows up at me.

i have so many vivid memories of her losing her shit over things ive said. like the time i first came out and she screamed at me that i wasnt transgender bc i didnt fit the fuckin description of the 2 episodes of i am jazz she watched.

or when i told her about my suicidal thoughts and i had to coax her into the driveway bc she was standing in the street saying stuff like "well i should just let a car run me over!"

oh and then the time where she was screaming though the walls of my bedroom that "you should just get emancipated! how about you just fucking leave!" i used to have a fuckin recording of that but when my fb got closed i lost it.

just recently with my new psychiatrist i told her about the bpd diagnosis, side note i fuckin knew i had it since 10th grade, her gut reaction was "yea well i have all kinds of cancer! sorry go on" she fuckin """""""apologized"""""" after that. that literally told me her actual thoughts on my mental health, and that either she doesnt believe me or just doesnt fucking care

and then if i bring it up and she gaslights me telling me that shed never say anything like that. listen idk if you know this but traumatic events kinda stick in your brain for your entire life. i can hear her screaming at me when i think about these times, i can almost see it, it's like im actually there again.

but of course it's always my fault. shes on the phone with my aunt i think talking about "well that plans just not gonna happen." so blatantly in front of me. sitting in the bathroom of her office building damn near nauseous from the stress and then were gonna go home and shes either gonna keep being angry or try and act like itll never happen.

shit like this is why im constantly high now. because at least she'll leave me alone when im high. honestly with how things are going my racist, transphobic, and man baby grandfather starts to look less horrible compared to her. because at least he wont fuckin allow me to let my guard down and then spit in my face.

im so fucming exhausted, im quite literally at my wits end. ive only been in such a deep depression in highschool and i tried to game end myself. literally what the fuck am i supposed to do. i only have like 1 friend i can talk to and i hate putting shit on her, shes got enough on her plate as is. i dont have a therapist anymore. my psychiatrist doesnt like to talk about what's going on bc hes afraid of weed and only schedules meetings that are 30 minutes long.

worst part is i cant fuckin cry. i wanna let these emotions out but after years of pushing them down my """""""normal""""""" is unbareable numbness. i dont feel anything whatsoever. i react inappropriately in most situations. im just in a constant detached state, when i finally see through my own thick shit im terrified of who ive become, that is if i can even recognize my own face.

but from a very early age it was beaten into me that showing weakness to anyone will get me hurt so i stopped. moms even commented that i dont react in normal ways. shes told me she doesnt believe i have panic attacks as often as i do because im not outwardly freaking out. firstly theres multiple kinds of panic attacks. secondly everytime im shaking and suffocating i get yelled at. told im making too big a deal out of what's going on and that i need to stop. so i fuckin suppressed it.

but of course it's all my fault for being actually unable to regulate my fucking emotions and for being so distant and unstable all the time. it’s funny when im not making up my own problems actual issues destroy me. idk man im just. im really tired. 

[order-progress]

I used to have a really entitled outlook on life. In my mind though, I was entitled to my thought processes because it was where my mind existed in the place having had come from a once far more turbulent era. Back then I didn't question things that werent outwardly obvious. I didnt question the unremarkable identities of things that exhibited no distinctions amongst one another. Life was a stream of experience, and I just did the best of choices I decided to arrange, or really actually, more like shuffle choices into a messy pile and pat myself in the back cause I could squint at it my mismatched pile of non related events and not feel guilty for putting off routine, structure and goals.

I guess it isnt so surprising to anticipate that like all my other experiences, disicpline would present itself when and if I needed it to be summoned out of wherever creative and yet very hard to imagine location i would imagine it arriving at some future, ambiguous date, just in time to make no work look like fancier no work and with ribbons on it.

Something very common happened to me, something that is happinning right now all around the world, no matter how many days, or years after i first posted this here.

My boyfriend broke up with me.

I wore my entitlement pretty high that day, because somehow, despite there having been no carefully executed plan made on ky end--some masterpiece scheme of genius where one could really see there existed some reasonable and healthy attention to tackle to fucking problem.

Nope. My mother fucking entitled ass decided id actually be shocked. Not even fake shocked. Thats how you know you have lost touch with your surroundings, because big things happen in your wake..while your awake and yet somehow your stuck on who killed the butler in the library with the candle stick.

What makes this one of the most significant event despite its occurance being fairly common globaly, is that his presence had caused me to become more aware of more of the things I would have otherwise taken in stride, none of these events were remarkable on their own, but collectivelly, I had inadvertantly cleaned up my mindspace to find neatly organized clusters of thoughts no longer blending into the subconcious like 70's urban grafitti.

I didnt hold that moment to some disporportionately skewed sugar coating scale just to get ribbons on them after they were organized,I just acknowledged them, like a breath,where as before, they were simply obstacles or pit stops that would perpetuate the chronic attention deficit I had welcomed into my head. I like to think of ADD as the worlds most innefective street sweepers, they sweep alright, but they just make a bigger mess and then you got things in places they have no business being in.

I was in a place of low self worth because of an accumulated collection of short lived and half assed adventures, disastrous endeavers and the nefarious presence of something so obscured, so black and forboding, made me avoid certain places for simply not wanting to deal with the house keeping it wouldve required to mitigate its destructive intentions.

I kept myself busy to not force the acknowledgent that this would become a source of not only my insecuruties, but then in addition to its ever increasing interconnectedness, its complexity. Its chambers that hardened like a mystical kight of armor, whose drawers were full of destructive objects and thoughts that rattled in their confinement as a means of foreshadowing something so sinister, I could not then yet fathom the destrutive ways its icy talons would engulf and twist into my everyday life simply to create chaos, and it didnt register that this was a problem because amidst this battle royale of fragments and bits of poorly put together patterns, Francisco's presense was a light whose emimation lulled me into a complacecy I hadnt anticipated

It wasnt that in this period, that I conciously made a decision to disregard the growing issue, it was the novelty of being in a loving, beautiful and mature relationship with someone that as each day grew, so did my conviction that this person was becoming the brightest fixture in an ever cramped confined hallway of possibilities.

As I stood there aware of this moment, feeling a satisfaction and a gratitude I had never felt before, I realized that I had come so far on autopilot, it was a move that was almost instinctual, I rolled my sleeves up, put on the rocky theme song, got my gym bag ready, went and bought like every stupid unessecary stupid trinket shit people buy to feel like their getting a handle and a good start on some shit, but really it just becomes the infuriating bag of junk that is now the obstacle between you and the door handle to exit your car and actually start your project.

I felt a sense of urgency, I saw how unequipped I had been and while I was and it was this moment that taught me how much I loved him. I reckognized that somehow I was one of those fucking weirdos that jumped through those seedy ass short cut type scenarios in life to give you the same effect of the real thing in less the time, kind of like a GED vs high school diploma, or plan b instead of condoms.

I recognized that there was an innate element of unneccesary risk involved in many of my accomplishments. The risk was usually always a concious decision that I would accept a certain amount of totally unnecessary consequences that typically would define the life of those people who you catch specific glimpses of in mysterious times like dawn or dusk. And be like..yea i could totally see that guy having to figure out what to do with the llama he inherited as a result of some gamble.

This was no longer an acceptable risk. It wasnt that i thought it was dangerous or scare him away, its that I am not the kind of man that wakes up and sees the problems his factory has and finally knows how to fix it and then just be okay with going to bed and put it off.

This is where I get annoyed again. I knew that I wasnt capable of actively doing something against him, because we both agreed on things, and also neither of us was completely high as fucking kite on methamphetamines while operating a forklift to tune a paino yet.

I couldnt ever feel bad about atheletes who ugly cried after being disqualified for juicing to get an unfair advantage in the sports world.

Yet once again my overwhelming confidence, my lovable man mentality of "fuck a map or tools you got grit, spit and teeth". Prevailed.

Im mad because it was this moment right here. In a sea of me being happy to grow and learn and doing the rignt thing. I saw a place i overlooked, its presence was almost like a marker that there were many other areas i needed to work on, and i got sad.

I didnt feel good enough. I felt like a mess. I felt dissapointed at the pride in nothing I had taken so many times. I was finally proud of the changes i was making again, only to be reminded in a very real way of how I never had structure, never had a fail safe implemented effectively to instead of adopting either anxiety or no fucks about an event that could have been in my power to mitigate, i either didnt even notice I missed it, or didnt care.

As I started seeing the mountain of work I had to do, I wondered what it meant about how effectively i could handle other things moving forward, it was an irrational fear that I had that I would dissapoint him because I wanted us to be happy. But i am an artistic person, people who work with details to make a larger picture learn early on how to work details, and I never evaluated just how shoddy my altertanitive crash course was like getting PlAN B instead of putting a condom on.

I can handle pressure effectively. I can be okay with my decisions. What I cant do is open up a factory, see everything that was negelcted when I now know how to fix it, and then go to sleep like nothing bothered me.

I never in my life found myself in a place where i came face to face with old life and it made me feel sad or humilated. I felt like a fraud for just having gotten lucky that everytning worked out, while he worked hard.

I suddenly felt something I never experienced before, fear in love. The moment where you realize your not a piece of shit because you actually dont want to let someone down, the moment when you feel bad because you walked around in life with luck you didnt give a second thought to and passed it off as hard work. And here was this beautiful man, whose life was suffering and hard work, and you realized all of it at once, and there I was, eager fucking beaver captain america man of the house cause now i feel like a god damned engineer since i could assemble an ikea 3 piece wrench-back the fuck up motherfuckers.

I just felt humbled and i felt driven. I also felt the pressures rise up around me and I dont know why I couldnt look away from the sight of the realization of how id been. And its not like i did it all on purpose, but from that moment on, it was as if I had something to prove to myself that at that time I couldnt understand yet because I hadnt reflected yet. And as I was taking the scenic route on ways to "punish yourself is actually how we fucking motivate ourselves around here cus were fucking men" the bigger I created something inside me that wasnt ever there. And then as the places that I had been tendering to and growing in started to not be kept, pressure in my life at home happened. And for the first time in my entire life I was embarrassed at my life.

I remember the moment I felt it, my mom leaving me at work after I lost my car. I walked 2 miles in the cold because i was infuriated that I allowed another event I could have forseen to happen.

I never in my life reflected this intensley on my actions before. Having him in my life made me realize I had been holding myself to a higher standard because I am at my best when I when I am actively building towards something. I opened a place in me I never saw with those eyes and it hurt me. I tried to let him in, and to be honest, the insecurities of him seeing all that mortiified me..not because I would be seen as a slob or this or that, i was just dissapointed that I for a time during when I needed it the most in my early life, I wasnt necessarily taught healthy ways to do things. Mostly because I came to this country at 10, didnt know english, parents worked all the time until i was 16 and then dad got sick with brain cancer and we caught it after he had a seizure cause dad apperently loved moonlighting as my biggest fan when he would go reading my journal at night.

I didnt know how to explain it to francisco. I was feeling. New concept, i was feeling out of sync, i didnt understand why it hit me so hard. I was trying to look away and orient myself on the present.

I could have just dealt with that. But i suddenly felt raw and vulnerable. My boyfriend and I were getting into arguments because I just wanted us to be closer due to this need i didnt know how to vocalize about what I was going through, and he hesitated because he probably thought id leave him if i saw his dirty secrets.

That was the one thing he really never appreciated about my love. I just knew. If everything else was as evident ..like this feelings and where they came from and how to process them healthy while ...it just all got too much. I didnt know how to tell him what I needed. I just needed him.

I started to feel like i wasnt tethered to the focused areas I was so eager to work in. I just kept telling myself communication is key we will get through it.

Then I the drugs did something I didnt expect them to. They turned off this guilt and switch. They gave me the quiet to make them come down to a more manegeable place where I wasnt overwhelmed anymore.

Because I couldnt process this in words at the time, i didnt know how to express that to him. It led to me feeling guilty for not understanding why i enjoyed doing the drugs aside from the stimulant effect. When i tried to explain it to him, it was like trying to coin a cheesy motto for a doomed cereal commercial in french, basically everuthing sounded like something he had no understamding or could relate to.

I started feeling depressed because i could see that although from his perspective we were fighting..

I was even more frustrated becauese we werent fighting. I was pretty much crying, trying to tell him in french something he didnt understand while he was yelling at me in english about me not respecting him by not speaking english.

This was the worst fucking part. Because part of the issue that led me here was accountabiliyy and communication.

I kept telling him in the only way i knew how.please im sorry i know things are getting worse. But this isnt how we are.

I thought we could get through anything.

In his mind he saw a piece of something, he ignored my emotional attachment to it..and i mean i cant blame him, other people never quit.

But even in those moments i knew i wasnt going to be other people.

And suddenly i was alone. I was depressed. I had realized that it wasnt us that was th issue so i tried so hard to communicate more effectively that he got frustrated and said i talked in loops. I felt so alone because i understood his frustration and i just needed him to trust me. But that was the perfect storm when i just got so alone feeling from his inability to just not look at me how i felt at myself. And i honestly tried to fix it in the middle of him running away and the most painful thing was that he couldnt understand and i didnt know how to say it.

I dont blame him for leaving

But a part of me breaks to my very core to know that if he just literally lookrd at me like yes i was going crZy but i was just hurting and overwhelmed.

All i wanted and needed was him.

The worst. Pain was that he didnt see that.

And i needed to explain it. And he didnt let me.

I felt like i was desperatly trying to express something of real explaination. I just honestly was desperate to because he was running.

I

[drdemonprince]

autism and getting confused when people don’t do something they say they’re going to do

i’m starting to realize that me getting frustrated at people not doing things they say they’re gonna do is probably an autism thing? 

like, maybe it’s not that i’m an impatient bastard who expects too much of people

it’s just that if someone tells me they’re going to do something (send an email to someone today, send a file to me, leave the house after one more chess game), i plan for that and assume it’s going to be true. i like knowing what to expect. i’m not as routine-dependent as most autistic people i know, but i find people unpredictable and i like knowing when someone is going to do something or when something is about to happen

and then if a person just goes and ... doesn’t do that thing? it is so confusing, frustrating, destabilizing, and stressful to me. Sometimes even when the breach of intentions doesn’t impact me at all in any way. 

i don’t mind when a friend changes plans or has to cancel an outing. i dont mind if something comes up and social plans have to change. that stuff i feel perfectly serene about. but if someone says they are going to do X by Y time, and then they don’t, it just like makes my brain short circuit because expectations don’t make sense anymore and i can’t rely on people to communicate what they actually mean and it just makes me feel like i’ve missed something subtextual somehow? or something? 

like, i’ve noticed that in every single workplace i’ve ever been in, people almost never meet a deadline that they themselves have set, like literally almost never, and it blows my mind every single time because how can so many people be saying so many inaccurate things? how can so many people not objectively know themselves and their schedules? are they lying? or are they just deluded about how long something will take them? or do deadlines not matter to them?

(i understand of course that things come up. the thing that is baffling to me is that people seem to never set realistic deadlines in light of that -- the same person will just continue to set overly ambitious deadlines over and over and over again, even though none of their previous ones were met)  

my behavior outwardly about this stuff is pretty chill, because i know how common it is and that it is not a big deal, but inside i get so fucking confused and frustrated... contemplating that this is an autism thing makes me feel like less of an asshole. i get stressed when humans are unpredictable. i get confused and frustrated when explicit communication is not a reliable way of relating to people, when i have to read between the lines instead. i want to trust that people literally mean what they say, and prioritize what they say they prioritize, and when their actions dont line up, it makes me feel like i don’t have a grasp on how relating to people works. that doesnt make me a dick.