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lastweeksshirttonight · 10 months

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All righty, I managed to get back home despite the hurricane, let's talk about the show.

Tl;dr - I traveled cross-country to see John Oliver and Seth Meyers. It was amazing and I am still giddy about it!! Gonna put all the details under a cut to not clog up your timeline/the tags.

(All jokes will be paraphrased/guestimated bc my adrenaline and ADHD played havoc with my memory recall, lol.)

Firstly, the Beacon Theatre is absolutely stunning. It reminds me a bit of the Theatre at Ace Hotel in LA, in that it's clearly had its old elements lovingly preserved and harkens back to an older time. It was truly a gorgeous venue.

I missed getting a pic of the other side of the stage, which had a massive sculpture of shields and spears. John made a joke about the opulence of the room not matching the entertainment for the evening, and noted that "even Coco Chanel would say to keep it to one shield". Really wish I'd thought to get a picture of it, he was not wrong.

I was extremely close to the stage - 3 rows back and dead center. I definitely had the anxious excited adrenaline jitters because of it.

I mean COME ON.

The opener was Brooks Wheelan, who I remembered from his brief stint at SNL. He talked a fair deal about that, and told a great story bit about getting fired from there and opening for John shortly after, wherein he drank an entire bottle of "HBO blood diamond whiskey" from John's dressing room and had, in Seth's later words, "a nervous breakdown". I'd heard Brooks has opened for John before and was glad I got to see him, he's a lot of fun.

He also told a joke about not wanting to learn karate because of the huge glass windows in front of every karate studio and not wanting anyone to watch him learn karate. Lots of very understanding laughter there, including from me. (Why do all these places have massive plate glass windows?!)

After Brooks was John Oliver, and y'all. Let me get this out of the way.

He is fine as hell. Look. Just LOOK. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS

I would also like to take the time to gush effusively about John's mastery of set structure. The set was, aside from the typical "before we get started, I need to let you know I'm British" pseudo-opener he's used since like 2005, entirely new material -

(As an aside... !!!!!! I KNOW!!!! A FULL FUCKING HOUR OF ENTIRELY NEW MATERIAL!! THAT I WAS NEAR THE FRONT FOR!!!! I'M SO VERKLEMPT STILL YOU HAVE NO IDEA)

- and it was just beautifully written from a structural standpoint. It was pretty much all political material all centered around history and the need to understand it for context on the world as it currently stands. There were some digressions from that point but they were seamlessly woven in. He is such a goodamn incredible stand-up comedian.

A few things he talked about in his set:

That time the US dropped nukes on itself twice (which was briefly mentioned on LWT but not in this detail and not including a reenactment of a man dropping a bomb while working on a plane and him reacting to watching it roll away).

That the current British royal line of succession exists because of a "cousin-fucker who cut someone into pieces like a Benihana chef". (John told us this is something he learned researching this bit, which caused me unending joy. I love that he's making new sets!! :D)

John delights in the misery of billionaires and wished that the rocket Jeff Bezos was on would blow up. He doesn't want him to die, though. Through this he also talked about Elon Musk and his favorite fake blue check company tweets, mainly a series made by a fake Chiquita account claiming to have overthrown Brazil, followed by Chiquita saying they hadn't actually overthrown any governments since 1954.

John got booed at a Sesame Street benefit and told a killer set of jokes about Bert judging him for it. ("The man lives with Ernie! He knows chaos!")

He claims we will all know things are okay with the US again when we are all irrationally mad at Anne Hathaway for no reason again. Told an incredible story about how he just blundered into the street in LA once, almost got hit by a car, looked up, realized it was Anne Hathaway in the car, saw her wave at him, and, despite the scenario being objectively his fault, being somehow mad at her.

Shaded Dave Chappelle in an analogy about how we are not at Civil War division times because "somehow our level of division is people debating whether Chapelle's SNL monologue was okay or not", in a way that suggested it was very much not okay. 10/10 no notes.

Okay so there was one recycled bit - him being informed the Queen wanted to give him an OBE. He added to it fantastically though, by personifying the man from the embassy as the most offensively British stereotype you could possibly imagine. He said the man sounded like "if a British person rubbed a teapot and a genie came out".

There was definitely more but I could gush forever so let's move on.

Brooks came back out to introduce Seth and forgot the name of his show, lol. For a brief moment we all contemplated what Last Week Tonight with Seth Meyers would look like. (I assume the show's Adam Driver would be Stefon.)

Anyways, here is the only good photo I took of Seth.

Seth was great as well - not as good as John, but I'm very biased in that regard. The material was also pretty diametrically opposed to John's, much more domestic comedy about his wife and kids and their idiosyncracies.

I really liked Seth's energy and approach. I don't quite know how to explain this, but he had a touch of Dennis Reynolds energy to him, a restrained manicness, that was really interesting to watch. That's not my normal association with Seth's energy, either, but it was very fun. Definitely puts some of the more deranged things from his tenure as Weekend Update host in context.

Some highlights from Seth's set:

He had an amazing brick joke about doing accents as a comedian, where he imitated a Swedish accent and talked about how everyone's Swedish accent is basically the Swedish Chef from the Muppets and how the only Swedish food anyone has nearby is the meatballs at IKEA. Funny on its own, but later in the show, Seth talked about how people assume he's fully Jewish, including people on the street. He noted that he's 25% Swedish but no one comes up to him on the street and goes -insert Swedish Chef impression-. (This straight up killed the guy sitting next to me, who ended up laughing with his head in his hands for a solid 30 seconds.)

His kids eat very healthily, so when they end up going to friends' houses and eat one Skittle, they turn into demons. Literal demons. Seth's impression of an actual demon trying to undo a double-buckled car seat was the hardest I laughed at his whole set.

Seth also had a section which he claimed would be the part where he'd tell anti-trans jokes "if he was a complete asshole". I enjoyed the trans affirmation the whole evening, ngl.

Seth's family and his wife's family have very different ways of conversing at the dinner table, which directly mirrors my and my partner's family - Seth's family (like Mr. Lee's) is big on listening to everyone and contributing to conversations only when someone else has talked; Alexi's family (like mine) is constantly screaming over each other.

After Seth's set, everyone (including Brooks) came out to do a Q&A. I could not think of a song in the moment, but realized at the hotel room an hour after that I should have made @chiijohn 's evening by asking John's opinion on Planet of the Bass. :facepalm: Sorry mate!

Still, some great questions were asked, and it was about 30 minutes of just audience interaction. I've never experienced anything like it at a stand-up gig and genuinely loved it. John, of course, told people they were free to leave before the Q&A because why would they want to stay; the man is incapable of thinking anything good about himself and much as I hate his bad self-esteem, I would have been concerned if he hadn't said something to that effect.

Brooks was asked almost immediately if he remembered the name of Seth's show, which was honestly hilarious. Brooks said "I conferred with John backstage and we're both pretty sure that it's Late Night with Seth Meyers".

Someone asked how fearful Seth and John were of their shows being cancelled after one year, and Brooks snarked that he knew that feeling. (Brooks seems to have a good sense of humour about not being a huge presence on SNL.) Seth said that he wasn't super worried but that they redid his entire set (background set, not stand-up set) because Alec Baldwin said it looked like "a sushi restaurant in Burbank". (theoniontheworstpersonyouknow.jpg) John said he was told most HBO shows don't get cancelled at one season and he said "we'll see about that".

There was definitely some extended riffing on Alec Baldwin being a piece of shit afterwards, while John giggled helplessly. I love John's giggling.

Seth and John's favorite Muppet is Cookie Monster. They talked about how interesting it is that you can have amazing chemistry with Muppets, and then meet the puppeteer and have literally nothing to talk about. Seth also talked about how low-tech Big Bird was, and how the late Carroll Spinney, when on SNL, held a script in one hand, the controls of Big Bird in the other, and a flashlight in his mouth to read the script.

Everyone is upset they didn't get to cover the indictments because of the Writer's Strike. John thought there were only 3, but I honestly don't know if one of them came down before the Writer's Strike and he was just referring to the ones since then. It's been a long few months for us all.

Brooks basically forces John and Seth to get out of their hotel rooms when touring. Otherwise, Seth said, "they both just sit there anxious". That tracks, especially for John, who literally said on Seth's podcast that he is physically incapable of relaxing.

When asked about their influences, John said (rather obviously) that he wouldn't have a career without Jon Stewart, and Brooks talked about how both Seth and John really uplifted him and cared for him after he got fired from SNL. Seth talked in a really lovely way about how Amy Poehler basically adopted him and got him out of his shell and was a real friend to him early on.

I really wish I'd written down every stand-up that the three of them recommended when prompted, because I've completely blanked on half of them. Seth said Joe Pera (who I also highly recommend); John recommended Maria Bamford (again, also highly recommend). He also said that most people in the room would have probably not heard of him but that the best in the UK was Daniel Kitson (paging @tellthemeerkatsitsfine to provide her recs bc she knows Kitson backwards and fronts). Brooks gave a shout to Kyle Kinane (who I am not as familiar with as I should be).

There was so much more, but honestly, I was just so in the moment that I feel like I remember things in waves. It was an amazing evening and I was honestly so blessed to be there at all.

I did not wait at the stage door or anything, because I am truly not that kind of person and have consistently been sure that if I ever met John, I'd barf on his shoes. I know on Instagram some people had gotten stage door photos, though, and I'm happy for them!

Thank you all for always being supportive of this dumb blog. I don't think I would have had the confidence to go on this cross-country journey without you all randomly egging me on all the time. It was one of the best nights of my life. 💖💖

#john oliver #seth meyers #brooks wheelan #last week tonight #last week tonight with john oliver #late night with seth meyers #stand up #lee's stream of consciousness

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professorspork · 1 year

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Hey, a little while ago, you reblogged that post about AI learning when people insert fics into AI text generators, and I wanted to offer good news and bad news: the good news is that AI learning models mostly don’t work like this. The publicly accessible text generator isn’t the whole learning model, it’s a single machine that the learning model generated. It won’t get fed directly back into the AI.

The BAD news is that there’s not really anything stopping them from saving that information separately to use later, and (much worse) anything that’s publicly available has probably already been scraped and saved. The good-in-this-context-but-depressing-overall news is that these models operate on the scale of billions of words, so, like. Idk. Individual fics ending up in a database mostly isn’t going to matter. That’s part of why the data-scraping isn’t something devs think about, ethically. This info is a paraphrase of another post I’ve seen going around saying the same thing, but I can personally corroborate it; before AI was a “crypto people hate when artists can earn a living” thing, I took some college courses on it and followed blogs about AI stuff for years. The last year or two of AI news has been really shitty :P It’s been really cool to me for a long time, but it is now clear that it’s even-more-vulnerable-than-usual to “capitalism uses every tool for oppression first” Knowing how it works is exhausting because anti-AI people are sometimes not all that much more accurate about how it actually works than the fervently pro-AI “I think chat-gpt is a person and human-generated art is dead” people, and then both of them skip talking about the more concrete problems like the “chat-gpt is propped up by slave labor” stuff.

I really appreciated this series of asks and wanted to make it available for all!

I think what we run into here is where like. A rhetorical device to invoke a sense of stakes and a bit of a guilt trip ("this is plagiarism because it feeds the AI" and its many permutations) can run up against misinformation (it's not literally becoming part of the AI's knowledge base, though as you noted it certainly COULD.) Because like

Where that post was coming from was someone being like "but why shouldn't I do this?" and the answerer resorting to "because it takes my work away from me" and this is still true in like, the rules of community and creativity if not necessarily in the hard lines of code. it's harder to articulate "this makes me uncomfortable because it's violated my ineffable sense of mutual belonging with and ownership of my own work, which I already felt on shaky ground on because it's fanwork but still FEEL with my WHOLE HEART" than it is to say "this concretely makes my words fuel for the machine" which I think people grok as a more sort of understandable breach of that social contract.

Which is why I like this post a lot because it gets at the WHY of why this is so perturbing and violating and isolating

Fandom was never meant to be a solo endeavor! when I write fic and put it out into the world, it's like echolocation. the words I put out are only half of what gives it shape and meaning to me-- the other half is the sound of it reverberating back to me as it bounces off the people it hits by way of comments, tags in reblogs, and DMs and they tell me their reactions and interpretations. that's what makes it a complete picture and not just screaming into the void.

to be removed from that process at all is a heartbreak to me; to have my words taken without my consent is insulting and misses the point and just. ultimately makes all of us that much more alone. which is to say that it's factually correct to say individual fics ending up in a database won't matter because it's probably already been scraped anyway because that's true for the AI and for the data. but individual fics DO matter insofar as like, these are choices people are making about what this hobby is and means and why they like it and what they think it's for and how they enjoy it, on a communal and social level, and THAT matters to me a great deal, in the same way that like, people now might end up getting videoed for a tiktok without their consent or whatever. it's about the erosion of privacy and respect.

but also yeah ChatGPT also runs thanks to exploited and underpaid workers, consumes horrific amounts of water in a time of increasing drought crisis and emits tons of carbon to boot.

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strangefellows · 1 year

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I’ve been shouting about it on Twitter for the past two days, so I’m going to put it here too:

CANTO IV PART 3 SPOILERS! Or, why the Yi Sang and Ayin parallels in this chapter got me extremely fucked up.

Like. Dear sweet absolute FUCK, I was getting the parallels already from the basics and the fact that both Fourth Match Flame Yi Sang (the outfit) and Spicebush Yi Sang (the eyes) make him look incredibly similar to Ayin, more than he already does with the exhaustion and similar dark hair. But then the dungeon came out and hit me like a warp train.

Like. Okay. There’s a lab. A group of people with like minds that came together to better the city and make people happy, even if it’s just in small ways, under the leadership of someone they all looked up to. Little by little, it begins to crack and crumble apart...and then it is betrayed, raided by City officials. Some people die. Some kill themselves. Some give up and let themselves be caught. Some flee. Some fight back tooth and nail til the very end. But in the end, two people are left alive...one of them completely, utterly broken; the one who had always had trouble expressing themselves and their feelings towards others, but who cared deeply for them.

That broken person ends up in a room, trapped there by their own misery, working on their project, their dream, given in part to them by the person they looked up to-- to the point they’re wasting away little by little, drowning in despair and depression, wishing for the people they loved and the place they felt they belonged. There is a person, the other survivor, who had only ever been there for their sake in the first place, that wants to keep them there forever. There is their other self, who at turns seems to want to help them and seems to want to take advantage of their pain.

Who am I talking about?

Then there is the script-- the scripts Yi Sang left for the others to read, to play out what happened.

Then there is the fact that the dungeon backgrounds are an exaggerated, overlarge tableau of the lab-office in Yi Sang’s memories, similar in no small part to the Keter Suppression’s office background -- and how that white room looks very similar to the white room of the final day in Lobcorp.

Then there is the finale of the fight with Dongrang (who spoke to Carmen by name and whose mechanic, though this is reaching, involves seeds) -- where he has one final conversation with that other self, who encourages him and comforts him and who guides him to the beautiful finale of self-realization: wings made of shimmering light. This reminded me so much of Day 50 in Lobcorp that I almost cried just thinking about it again today.

Then there is the last little bit, that final narration, the last letter from Yi Sang, where he says of the Sinners, paraphrased “I would like to consider them my friends, even if I don’t know how they feel about me”. Maybe a bit of a reach, again, but I feel as if it mirrors how Ayin feels about the Sephirah, though it might be conjecture here.

I’d even venture to point out how this whole canto has Yi Sang’s narration take forefront even over Dante’s in some places, similar to Ayin narrating his own flashbacks.

There’s just so much there that it’s impossible not to notice after a point. I really appreciate all of it among the insane lore drops about the City and the wonderful character development of the other Sinners beyond Yi Sang, who the chapter stands on its own for without thinking about the parallels and who is now firmly one of my favorite characters in the game.

(Not to mention the hints about Dante, which considering all of this just solidifies my theory that they’re Ayin, but that’s a whole other post.)

Nonetheless, whether or not my theory is true, this is so good, and what I feel like is just the start of them giving Ayin’s character more room to breathe and context for Lobcorp he never got before.

#ayin lobcorp #limbus yi sang #yi sang #ayin #limbus company #lobotomy corporation #limbus spoilers #projmoonblogging

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grokebaby · 9 months

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Explaining this scene (from here)

Will mention mouth and throat inflicted violence and dissection. Also will get (slightly) more in detail about what's happening between these two

Context: Pesticinger has Siru come to her neck of the woods at night to perform certain rituals. It claims these are for ~Learning Purposes~ (which they are, in a way). This is related to that thing about folks wanting to learn and gain powers from Pesticinger. Siru's motives for being here, well.. I'll get into it later.

This exchange you see depicted, happens after Siru has cut out the tongue and/or vocal chords off of several animals (which includes birds. This is a crucial bit of info). Before this she also had to catch several of them with occasional help from Pesticinger, so she's a little tired, on top of it being quite a uh. Let's say emotionally challenging? Task? Especially seeing as how she also had to eat said body parts raw after cutting them out..

She's a country girl, she'll manage..

Despite the initial ick, Siru performed all this like a champ! At least compared to alot of humans Pesticinger has initiated into similar activities. This is what prompts the above "She's good at games! Bold, very bold she is!", which is genuine compliments given the situation.

So while Siru did All That™, Pesticinger hopped circles around her, chanting songs and urging her on (is it encouragement or pressuring...? I would say it's both.)

Considering the unpleasant tasks she's had to do, while it simply sang and watched, Siru feels it's appropriate to poke at Pesticinger a little. She has a very deadpan delivery and morbid sense of humor, which is why Pesticinger here is depicted as being taken aback and even unsure whether or not Siru is joking at first. These two have quite contrasting presentations and speech mannerisms.

What did Siru say?

She pulled a little "So, I'm guessing it's your turn next, right? I mean I've been building up with these small creatures so the grande finale's next, and that would mean.. You."

(you can see in the drawing, she's lazily pointing at Pesticinger)

I'm paraphrasing, but she essentially implied that to take it to the next level, she should now also cut out Pesticingers tongue and vocal chords, and eat them. Which, Pesticinger was not prepared for. This is supposed to be an initiation progress, and breaking previous limits Pesticingers followers might've had, in order to bring them in deep. In terms of gaining special abilities, this does ofc contribute to that, but lemme just say, Pesticinger losing her vocal components would be a huge blow.

Let me put it into perspective. People ordinarily do not hear Pesticingers speaking voice. When she sings yes, but when speaking normally, it looks like she's just moving her mouth elaborately. If she's not singing, or stealing somebody else's voice, Pesticinger is like watching a silent film irl. She has no voice of her own.

The other Plagues can hear her speech, and so can Pesti's followers, and most people who've heard her special song before. Not everyone, though. It tends to be a special occurrence, bc if someone can hear her speech it tends to mean something is a little wrong.. (ykno, how cursed songs are)

Siru could always hear it's speech, and that's likely due to her carrying some.. (glances at my previous post) supernatural after effects.

Siru eventually broke face and chuckled it away, but Pesticinger, in all honesty, remains a little unsettled by the suggestion. She doesn't let it show of course. Not to Siru, especially.

But, yeah. Maybe a bit of a power move to joke about inflicting it on the scary entity next, who's trying to break your limits by making you do disturbing rituals. As you do

#Siru #Character notes #Pesticinger Tuholaulaja #Lore #Just hashtag girl things ykno teehee #Anyway I just really felt like getting more deeply into this

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bunnieshoneys · 2 months

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I'm typically a silent reader, but I wanted to hop on here and leave a comment about Coanda Effect: I genuinely think you've written a masterpiece. You have an exceptional way of maintaining the essence of the source material while expanding on the characters that feel entirely canon yet grounded in the worldbuilding of your unique narrative. If you ever plan to write an original story, I'd be one of your first readers in a heartbeat.

With that being said, I have lots of thoughts, questions, interpretations, and predictions. So many that I've compiled them and collectively named them the Coanda Files (this story has taken over my life, I can proudly admit that); I may plan to share them one day if anyone is interested in reading. However, for this particular ask, I'll just focus on my thoughts, predictions, and a couple of questions I had about the recent chapters (17 - 20) and the story in its entirety. This is a long post, so strap in (and sorry T-T I didn't realize I had so much to write)!

Chapter 20 is, by far, the most unsettling read I've experienced since picking up this story (and I loved every bit of the feeling). It's probably an unconventional opinion, considering that the first real conversation about the past happens here, and there's an actual breakthrough in Satoru and Suguru's opening up about their traumas to each other. However, this feels cautionary. Shoko's dialogue about, and I'm paraphrasing here, "rebuilding relationships isn't happening in just one conversation," screams, "don't jump the gun too soon." Though she's referring to herself and Suguru in that context, it also felt like a warning to Satoru. One conversation about the past isn't going to immediately close the gap between them. So, when Satoru and Suguru sorta made up at the end of the chapter, it felt somewhat abrupt and unearned as if they didn't just disclose two very painful traumas minutes earlier, which I think is a cautionary warning for the reader and their expectations for the relationship's development (am I reading too much into this? If not, I just have to say that I adore the realistic approach).

Moreover, when they talked about their traumas, I noticed that Satoru seemed to be the only one to outwardly benefit. During the conversation, Suguru was extremely caring and attentive towards Satoru, especially when he mentioned his drug/alcohol addiction, but it didn't feel like Satoru completely processed the extent of Suguru's eating disorder nor offered any sense of reassuring comfort. He focused a lot on himself, his feelings, and the revelation that he wasn't the reason Suguru left, which Suguru tried to explain at the end of chapter 17; though, I'm not completely convinced that's true.

I want to note that this has been a recurring theme in their present-day intimacy. Suguru is always initiating affection, being attentive to Satoru's needs, and providing genuine care; however, it doesn't fully seem reciprocal on Satoru's part. Partially because Suguru genuinely cannot be fully vulnerable about his traumas, and Satoru needs that. He's not the observant type; if he isn't directly told or can see visible signs of distress, he won't act.

A great example of how Satoru shows this is in chapter 17 during the 2013 podium win where Suguru was sobbing. Satoru became extremely protective of Suguru, sensitive to his emotions, and only him. The moment he sees his most precious person hurting, he completely disregards everyone and everything else to focus on him (the cameras were still flashing, the crowd very much present, but Satoru didn't care; that's starkly different from how Suguru comforted Satoru during his first world championship win by taking him away from prying eyes and faces).

Though I have to double down on this point, Suguru genuinely cannot be fully vulnerable about his trauma (yet). When I was in university, I analyzed a lot of stories focused on trauma, and I must say, you're very spot on with your depictions of traumas and how they manifest in people; it's a whole-body and mind experience, often leading people to truncate or split themselves (a detail expressed in chapter 17 with Suguru splitting Satoru into separate identities) and anything associated with the trauma to function (hence why I'm not convinced that Satoru had absolutely nothing to do with why Suguru left; I think he does just not in the way Satoru thought).

Satoru does this, too, through his drug addiction, copious amounts of sex, and throwing all his feelings into racing when he's on the track (these are split selves to handle his intense emotions toward Suguru, and the traumatic experience of having his life chosen for him while being highly scrutinized by the public. Sadly, Satoru never got the chance to grow up normally (that in and of itself is a trauma) because he was destined for a life he never wanted. Much like Ash from Banana Fish, it isn't until a highly empathetic brown-eyed, black-haired boy enters his life that his innocence is saved.)

Yet, the chasm of trauma still seems too wide for them to be back in this kind-of-a-couple-but-not-really space. Especially since they just opened a small can of worms about their traumas, which definitely seems like it's going to come back to bite them. I'm not sure if I interpreted these last few chapters correctly, but the present-day fallout hasn't happened yet, right? I genuinely can't shake the feeling that Satoru and Suguru haven't even breached the surface of their in-canon suffering.

Speaking of in-canon, the line about Suguru and Satoru's careers was hard to swallow, "his is just beginning and mine is ending." My initial interpretation of this line was bittersweet in the literal sense since Satoru's racing career as a driver is indeed coming to an end, and Suguru's is blooming as team principal. Yet, since chapter 17, I've realized this story is extremely close to the beats of the canon narrative. In canon, Suguru only appears back in Satoru's life for a very brief moment before the tragic fight with Yuta (I'm interpreting the present timeline as Satoru's brief interaction with Suguru before his demise).

When I looked at the line metaphorically, it felt like this chapter was the calm before the storm. Something seems off-putting, and I can't help but think it's the underpinning of Suguru's trauma and its effect on his intimacy (and transparency), but more importantly, tragedy isn't yet finished with these two. It's not really Satoru's career that's ending but potentially Suguru's. When Suguru's plan as a cult leader bloomed (in this case, his career as a team principal), death was not too far (Satoru), which got me thinking: Is an accident coming and will Suguru lose an arm/be heavily injured or impaired?

I couldn't help but think that after the emphasis on Suguru's arm in Chapter 19 when he was taking a picture with a fan; also the focus on his bracelets just seems too overt to overlook. Furthermore, it was a chapter that focused heavily on death. Shoko revealed that she thought Suguru had died (not just dropped off the face of the planet like Satoru did), which is extremely startling to think about. It suggests some very telling things about their relationship (Suguru must've said some hurtful things to Shoko) and how seriously bad of a state Suguru was in when he left (honestly, I think Shoko and Suguru's conversation in the present won't be super pleasant and could trigger something harrowing within him, but that's just speculation).

The bracelets just seem ominous. It feels as though Suguru was hurting himself during those seven years, and there are little deep scars all across his body that might signify that. He hides (or rather we don't really see a lot about his body, mostly because the present timeline is in Satoru's POV, and he isn't attentive to the fine details) them with jewelry; I don't think this is the first time jewelry had been emphasized as a detail on Suguru, and it's just a hunch, but it feels really significant. So, I have to ask: Did Suguru try to kill himself in those seven years (potentially on multiple occasions)? It's sad, yet doesn't seem far-fetched. He's experienced a lot during and beyond childhood and much like Satoru, I wouldn't be surprised if he found a physical coping mechanism like cutting.

Honestly, I feel like this is setting up for a more bittersweet ending than a happy one because I realistically can't see these two clearing up their traumas in four chapters to then live happily ever after (If there's a sequel, then perhaps the focus could be on talking, building a healthy relationship with each other, and healing their traumas together, maybe?). Though, the angst seems strong till the very end; I have this feeling that Suguru will walk away from Satoru and racing in general by the end of the story, and this will have a massive effect on Satoru's future.

No matter how I look at it, Satoru isn't returning to racing as a driver whether he wins or not. I'm assuming he won't because canonically, Sukuna killed Satoru, so he might not beat his legacy as a racer. It'll also set the stakes for Yuji and Megumi in building their legacies as drivers and how they'll contend with their budding relationship and the comparisons to a once-in-a-millennium talent. Satoru and Suguru's story influenced so much of the current predicaments of the characters, and I think that'll stick in this narrative. Yuji and Megumi have big shoes to fill and a heart-wrenching realization of what their predecessors/mentors had to go through; the sacrifices don't get easier.

However, Satoru seems to still want to be a part of F1 as a coach or mentor, but how he comes to a definitive decision to end his driving career is fascinating to think about. The most obvious guess is Suguru. The off-putting feeling throughout chapter 20 ultimately comes down to how little Satoru actually understands or acknowledges Suguru's trauma. We got a taste of this in chapter 17 through a small detail that's rarely mentioned: Yuki and the protein bar. The protein bar was one of the few things that Suguru could stomach without feeling sick, and Yuki's the only one who knew that. This is directly paralleled with Suguru knowing Satoru's favorite sweet and remembering it; he brings it for him when they first get together (sorta) in the present, but Satoru doesn't return the gesture. My take was that perhaps he doesn't know what he likes.

He's never really asked about things beyond their careers in F1. I'm skeptical of Satoru and what he really knows about Suguru (I won't deny that he knows Suguru's soul, he could pick Suguru out in every universe, in a room with a billion people, he knows his favorite being; but he doesn't know the body that inhabits the soul--the person). There's so much about Suguru that I don't think Satoru can answer (which fits the canon because so much of his backstory is unknown): Where does he go when he needs to be alone? What's his favorite TV show (or book/literature if he isn't a fan of television), food, or drink? Is he a cat or dog person; maybe he likes fish? What does he love most in this world? (I bet he hopes it's him). If he could do anything other than racing, what would that be? Oceans or mountains, which would he pick? What puts him at ease? What brings him comfort? What music does he listen to? What's a little habit of his that he can't break? How does he want and need to be loved?

It never feels like Satoru can adequately be there in the ways Suguru needs him most, which I take is emotional (yet, Suguru is always there in the ways Satoru needs him, but never as he wants him). My speculation is that Suguru will have a breakdown; he'll show his inner despair, sobbing and laughing, in a way that Satoru has never seen him (but it'll be the vulnerability he's wanted for so long). He'll see for the first time how beautiful and broken Suguru is, and the confessions of his deepest wounds will break his soul knowing that he wasn't there despite being so close. I'm not sure what the trigger will be, but the full reveal of Suguru's trauma will force him to walk away from F1, Satoru, and his legacy for good. It seems like the most plausible response because Suguru becomes entirely too rational when he's hurting. If he can no longer deceive himself that Satoru is not a core aspect of his trauma, then he'll have to try and let the love go lest he finds himself trapped in his body unable to break free of the pain. So, lay it on me, author, how bad is this ending going to wreck us?

It reminds me of the ending line in chapter 18 where Satoru kept saying this would hurt, and god, it's really going to hurt him. I originally thought the "hurt" was about the trauma, but I find it's more about seeing Suguru in pain and being unable to do anything about it (did anyone peep that Satoru was scared when Suguru was throwing up before they had to race again in Chapter 19?). Satoru's greatest fear is being incapable of reaching Suguru. If there's ever a weakness of Satoru's it's definitely going to be Suguru crying.

See, one of my favorite characterizations in this narrative is how deeply Satoru loves. I'm not sure many readers notice it, but Satoru's love is pure. He's so very innocent in the sense that all he wants is connection. He wants to understand another human in all the ways that are humanly possible and be understood just as equally. To love and be loved; it's one of the most grounding aspects about him, and it's adorable and heart-wrenching that it's Suguru whom he wants to build that connection with. He was the first person in his entire world who made him feel human, but Suguru is also extremely complicated and very different from Satoru.

I'll call it now that Satoru fell deeply in love (in an innocent way) with Suguru when they first met; he's the boy who saved his youth and Suguru is just so comforting to be around. He's patient, kind, and attentive but also childish and allows people to be themselves with little judgment. It seemed like Satoru's feelings just kept growing as they grew closer, it's why he ended up cursing Suguru to build his legacy as a driver despite being better suited as an engineer (imagine Suguru as Satoru's engineer, they'd pull off some legendary maneuvers). But it's solely out of Satoru just wanting to be close to Suguru. I think Satoru's been writing a love letter to Suguru, and the language was racing this entire time (he's mentioned frequently that he throws all his feelings onto the track), and the person he wanted to be seen by most when he raced was Suguru since they were kids. He's been saying, "I love you" to him for forever and a day. Yet, that language (racing) is so cryptic for Suguru because it's silenced him in ways I don't think he can even process.

Thus, coming to terms with the thought that Suguru is and has been hurting for a long time is what I think seals the deal for him to give up on racing (as a driver). He won't care about anything after that; his mind would be so fixated on whatever he has to or needs to do for Suguru (I could write about Satoru's extremely protective nature all day). If anything, all I think Satoru wants after retiring is Suguru (can Satoru please propose to this man?). He yearns for his vulnerability, and truly, I think Satoru is the only person who could mend and piece together Suguru's fragmented heart, appreciate his deep-seated scars, kiss his tears, and hold him tenderly as if he's the most precious jewel in existence. If you couldn't already gauge, I just want Suguru to cry and Satoru to be there when he does.

Well, that concludes this very long post, but wait, I have more details I just wanted to point out:

Suguru's letter from his dad in chapter 18. Is the American friend a Banana Fish reference? Like Eiji being Suguru's dad just fits and I officially declare this canon, Gege can fight me (but more importantly, *coughs,* Banana Fish F1 prequel, maybe?)

The letter and text messages from Riko. Can I just say these being extensions of Suguru (formal, stylized, heavily analog, and dated as an activity of the past) and Satoru (forward-looking, short, sweet, and casual writing) are brilliant characterizations of them as people and how they view each other.

Suguru accidentally almost blames Satoru for his dad's death. That hurt for the both of them, but Satoru did force a choice on Suguru that wasn't fair. Did Satoru condemn Suguru to his own suffering of not being able to make his own choices?

Satoru wanted to become a world champion because of Suguru, right? I went back to the days of little Satoru and Suguru in karting, and boy, Satoru getting jealous over Suguru being a fan of Yaga just hits differently. Honestly, I think that's the moment he decides he'll stick with the sport despite it being forced on him because he wanted Suguru's gentle and lovely eyes on him and him only.

Suguru's eating disorder. Is he cured? Does he love his body now? I feel like he might have body dysmorphia, and that might be affecting his intimacy with Satoru, maybe? Also, can he eat anything now, or do textures still bother him just not as much?

Shoko and Suguru just hurt my spirit. Shoko and Satoru are so bittersweet. I noticed Satoru only acknowledges Shoko treating and caring for him like a human being, yet he had almost two decades of care from Suguru? Does he really not remember anything before Suguru left? Please tell me Satoru will actually remember and appreciate that someday?

Suguru's intimacy is so jarring. There's so much to unpack, but he feels really distant and entirely too perfect (like he does everything Satoru likes) but he doesn't allow himself to be seen or loved (it comes off almost robotic). It honestly feels like he's reliving all the years he only saw but never engaged with Satoru intimately. Why is he hiding away from Satoru this way? I can't help but feel like he's been hurt intimately and just doesn't talk about it (like everything else)? Is the 2014 kiss the only thing Satoru and Suguru did, or did something happen during those seven years, or is it just a combination of his other traumas?

Speaking of intimacy, seriously when did he learn or engage in gay sex? I'm looking back at earlier chapters, but the only man Suguru has ever shown interest in is Satoru? He didn't seem to engage in sex too much (or at all really, he's kissed girls but that's about it), and sure, there's the internet, but it just feels like the way he's responding to intimacy in the present is partially trauma response like he's bracing from harm?

Did Satoru ever get therapy for his traumas, or was Shoko just that good of a support system?

I know Toji's about to murk these men, and I'm really curious about Satoru. Canonically, we never see him look sad or horrified by the deaths of his fellow sorcerers. Obviously, he's not okay and just has a different way of grieving but in this story, the idea of losing Suguru is fleshed out and honestly seems like his worst nightmare. How does he actually handle seeing Suguru almost die? Does he panic, space out, or just grow quiet? Please tell me he also beats the shit out of Toji before he gets kicked out of the sport for good (he needs a satisfying, certified ass-whooping)?

Satoru's trauma is so sad; he suffers so much externally. It feels like he's coded as someone with high-functioning depression (he can get up and do what he needs to do but he's not happy). He kind of seems irritable and a little frustrated. The only time he seems at peace and happy is with Suguru and Shoko, but especially Suguru.

Did I tell you that this story is a masterpiece? It's a masterpiece; I'll keep calling it a masterpiece, don't stop me. ^_^

I could write about your work for days, what I amazing story you've made.

P.S. I have to put this in here even though it holds no profound connection to your AU, but may provide more characterizations of the characters. So for any JJK theorists out there, I must say: Geto Suguru was the ultimate trump card that was lost too soon. Disclaimer: I only watched the anime, so if any information in this theory is incorrect or already disproven in canon, then feel free to correct me. It's not mentioned enough, but Suguru's greatest strength, perhaps an asset far stronger than Satoru himself, was his empathy. He had a natural understanding of people and a caring nature that manifested into a curse energy that absorbed other's negativity unlimitedly.

There were no indications in the canon that the amount of curses Suguru consumed at any given point was capped. Essentially, he could have had all of Japan's curses if he could stomach the process. His stats were also heavily determined by the curses he used (the more powerful the curse, the more damage he could exert, technically making him just as powerful and limitless as Satoru) and his physical prowess (which he was extremely gifted in and had mastered early on). He, indeed, was one of the strongest sorcerers, but the lack of recognition of his ability contributed to his downfall (objectively speaking, Suguru has the more practical strengths but he was often compared to Satoru in ways that failed to highlight how massively effective and significant his technique was for Jujutsu society).

Mind you, we have no canon record of Suguru's backstory outside of Satoru's memory of their high school days. We have no idea if he's from a distant line of jujutsu sorcerers like Yuta (which makes his power incredibly rare and one-of-a-kind), but we do know that he's the child of non-sorcerer parents. Most of his childhood is unknown which leads to some interesting interpretations (that I won't get into here) about his choices when he becomes a curse user, most notably when he kills his parents in the process.

What this tells us is that he's potentially the "true" anomaly, the miraculous birth that should not have been, and that often gets overshadowed in the canon narrative much to its advantage. We'll never know the full depth of Suguru's character and that makes for some fascinating characterizations and interpretations which are as limitless as Satoru's signature techniques. He's an ingrained character that we'll never forget (Satoru's punishment since love is the most twisted curse of all) simply because of his sheer potential.

I want to note that the focus on Yuta and Suguru in JJK0 might give us implied hints of Suguru's backstory. Much like Yuta, I think Suguru's curse energy awoke early but unlike Yuta who was traumatized and accidentally created a curse, Suguru saw his power of consuming curses as a way to alleviate people's sufferings (notice how Yuta and Suguru's powers are lowkey opposing, too). Perhaps his fixations on "protecting the weak," came from this early experience of absorbing curse energy. More importantly, "weak" may have more meaning than categorizing non-sorcerers as inferior to jujutsu sorcerers but about having sensitive minds (which is ironic because this is what ultimately afflicts Suguru in the worst of ways). When he says "protect the weak," I think he means their well-being in all aspects (this actually applies to everyone, especially the jujutsu sorcerers), which makes him even more interesting.

Surprisingly enough, Suguru's birth potentially was the balancer between the curses and Satoru (the recognized anomaly), who single-handily caused the imbalance the current generation is facing but also the only one who could handle the influx of curses (I find that's another layer as to why Suguru's presence is so soothing to Satoru and why he's his guide. It's what he was born to do. I think anytime a limitless/six-eyes user is born there's another less-recognized birth of a rare sorcerer who acts as a guide for said user)

It's unfortunate to think about Suguru's conversation with Yuki and the two choices she offered: kill all non-sorcerers or evolve all of humanity to wield curse energy because that was just a false dichotomy. Suguru was the third and best option; if he could absorb all (or most of) the curses then that would have undoubtedly eased the suffering of Jujutsu sorcerers and given them a chance to re-establish a functional balance (my belief is that curses will always exist; they are a byproduct of negative human emotions after all).

Honestly, this heavily indicates that Jujutsu society had very little understanding of powers beyond the known clans. I'd wager with this perspective, Suguru was everyone's salvation (especially Satoru's), and all he needed was a support system that unfortunately came too late (Jujutsu sorcerers working together for everyone's survival only happened after his defection).

I believe that's what makes the battle between Yuta and Suguru in JJK0 all the more significant. I haven't seen many interpretations of this but there seems to be an implied parallelism between Suguru and Yuta. Yuta is what Suguru could've been if a true support system had been established during his prime. His slight breakdown when he cried during the battle signifies that Yuta achieved what Suguru wanted: sorcerers coming to each other's aid and fighting to protect each other (not just serving to die for a cause that never ended).

Yuta is also very similar to Suguru, he does everything in the name of friendship (and love). He wanted to protect his friends so much that he was willing to commit murder (he was determined to kill Suguru even though he didn't fatally injure anyone and vice versa with Suguru becoming a genocidal maniac so no other sorcerers had to die). Thus, the things we do for love are in fact what makes it so twisted. I truly believe Suguru became a curse user less to achieve one of Yuki's perceived plans and more to revolutionize Jujutsu society (he noted himself that Jujutsu sorcerers just live to die, thus he's already accepted his fate as a dead man walking, but he needed to do something irreversible (like killing his parents) to never go back on his word).

Strength alone is not enough, that was his whole spiel to Satoru. Alone, that one aspect wouldn't save the next generation of sorcerers or the current ones condemned to a life of suffering. Satoru had to evolve to become the ultimate strength the Jujutsu world needed, a being with advanced techniques and empathy to care for the people around him, and by god, I do think Suguru succeeded in sharing that with Satoru.

omg anon,, so this response is gonna be veryyy long lmao

yeah i think the general read is meant to be a bit unsettling. there's a lot of stuff thrown in meant to be "oh" moments that don't necessarily get elaborated on and are just part of the worldbuilding/ the sport casually. (mostly the ed stuff mentioned by yuki and some of the stuff choso says about turning a blind eye to gojo's habits during the early years of his career). but they're not meant to be resolved because the world isnt perfect and theres some shady stuff going on all the time. it makes the world feel more private, if that makes sense. like drawing back the curtains.

in the present timeline, they're not fully vulnerable with each other yet, on purpose. they probably won't even be fully, fully vulnerable with each other at the end of this fic to be honest. as a writer i dont tend to like tying up all my loose ends neatly because it makes the ending feel a bit too storybook, and im not going for that style of narrative.

i think gojo as a character isn't massively sympathetic or coddling, and i dont think getou wanted nor needed the comfort from him. the conversation they have had hav centered satoru because suguru left with no explanation, and complete radio silence to both shoko and satoru. regardless of how sick he was, he needs to answer for those actions and that's (sort of) what's happening here. satoru did notice some stuff back in 2013/2014, but he didn't communicate it because Suguru i feel doesn't want sympathy, especially in the past. theres sort of a "i signed up for this" mentality with both of them that is a barrier to them both being vulnerable, but its coming down. slowly.

(in the past, as we'll see soon a lot more clearly, suguru actively shuts down anyone questioning his health. its not satoru's fault because whilst he's slightly oblivious, he's trying his best. if someone doesnt want to talk/be saved, he cant do much.)

the moment on the 2013 podium in japan is very much a moment that is a testament to how much satoru does notice. he wedges himself as a barrier between the cameras and suguru, protecting him from the public having access to something incredibly private: grief. satoru does similar for yuuji/yuuta/megumi/nobara in the present if you squint.

i think my narrative style has limited me slightly, because satoru and suguru know each other and these things very well in the past (up until 2013/2014, at least). there's an offhand comment in 2013 about satoru not liking horror. but i have to pick my scenes very carefully and the casual way they know everything about each other is sidelined slightly. also there's a level of the fact that racing is their entire lives, pretty much, especially for satoru.

the emphasis on the bracelets/suguru's arm is more about the fans and how much he is (still) loved in japan. Gojo drives for Italy, and despite growing up in Japan (partially) and speaking the language, and his closest friends being Japanese and not really feeling at home in europe, japan is not his home race, and he isn't embraced by the fans in the same way as getou is. its a touch of jealousy, even though gojo is well-loved everywhere he goes, that he never got the same welcome as his best friend did. the bracelets are fan-made gifts, if that wasn't clear.

theres a lot of implications about suicidal ideation particularly in recent chapters, but more pertaining to how his closest friends thought he had attempted/succeeded, not necessarily that he has. i think it would be hard to define a suicide attempt for suguru. he definitely wasn't actively trying to stay alive, but its hard to say whether he would actively try to kill himself, either.

(sorry this response is jumbled, by the way)

i do have the ending planned. i think its a bittersweet / happy ending, definitely. in terms of the sequel, it would be itfs focused so suguru and satoru would be background characters (with loud presences, if that makes sense)

in terms of what satoru did for suguru in the pat i.e. finding funding for his team,, its complicated, and im going to elaborate on it in the present timeline, but suguru wanted to drive. look at how ecstatic he was when he got the drive in GREC/G3. he WANTED to drive, and back then, if satoru had offered help, he probably would have taken it. in 2014, he's mourning what he's lost because of racing and forgotten about the enjoyment he's taken in it over the years and the fond memories he has. he would be a decent engineer, but he's definitely not as gifted as shoko (he probably would've ended up as pitcrew) and the issue isn't that he didn't want to race, it was that satoru didn't think to mention it to him because he's an idiot. the unreliable narration comes into play a bit here because suguru is INCREDIBLY bitter at this point and if he'd found out about it even two years earlier he would've been pissed, but grateful all the same. the point in time he found out is incredibly important. right up until riko's death, and even arguably up until haibara's accident, he still enjoys racing, despite the sacrifics he makes to his health etc.

satoru loves in a really big, whole way. he throws himself into it. if you look at the relationships he has with yuuji/megs/shoko this is so so obvious. shoko starts being a little tired of the circus, showing concern and vulnerability, and satoru doesnt hesitate to say that he'll quit, for her. there's other factors at play, of course, but he's intensely empathetic. he talked big about suguru all through his junior career to anyone who would listen, to any sponsor, to any team. he just wanted his friend by his side, and he'd do anything to get it. is he a little selfish at times? yes, but suguru was also actively pursuing his career, and satoru was in a position to help him out, and did.

i think scenes in the earliest chapters are overlooked a little, too: there's always this thread connecting them, even if its near on impossible to see.

okay, bullet points:

no, not a banana fish reference. this is not a crossover fic, unfortunately. might write a short BF F1 au, though!!

thank you!! :3

no, satoru didn't condemn suguru to anything. keicho only asked for a character reference (they'd already pretty much made up their mind to sign suguru as part of their junior team) and after suguru got the g4 seat, he actively pursued his own sponsors to drive in GREC. satoru's decisions were not responsible for suguru's career path, and at the point of the argument in the 2014 narrative, suguru is MASSIVELY unjustified in saying what he says to satoru.

iv mentioned this in other asks, but satoru never wanted to be world champion: it was expected from him. From his very early days karting, he was watched, followed as the nxt big thing. suguru wanting to be a WDC to be equal to satoru is worth mentioning though.

not cured, ARFID is a difficult beast. but definitely a lot better, now that the issue of weight isn't present.

all three of them just missed each other, to be honest. they were young ans silly and didnt quite know how to give or recieve care. they're getting better, though!!

they didn't see each other properly for seven years! it's mentioned offhandedly that suguru was a team principal for a junior team (G2/G3) in those years, but they wouldn't have been in the same paddock and getou didnt TP for any of the teams Yuuji/Megs/Nobara drove for.

answring this would sort of be a spoiler. suguru's sexuality is meant to be vague / up in the air, but i would argue he doesn't show any meaningful interest in women, either.

teams do have therapists and psychologists, but those are very focused on performance and satoru is aware of that: health, but only so he can perform at his best, not for any real care. shoko is a good support system, but satoru is-- yeah. he's got a bit of a complex to undo

no spoilers! theres hints in the narrative as to how satoru reacts to suguru's accident (japan 2011) through the broadcasters taking down footage of his reactions, and yuki's. implied also that suguru was looking for those reactions to watch back, because he doesn't see them in real time.

satoru is definitely very high functioning. it takes a village.

stooop feeding my ego!!

(thanks for the analysis on canon, anon! i understand yuuta p well but i still dislike writing him lol, he feels pretty shallow overall)

thank you for the super long message, hope this response suffices!!!!!!!!! :3

#fic: coanda effect #bunny answers #tw: sucidal thoughts

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wherewhereare · 10 months

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This is especially for the newbies. @formdetective went under the the guise of @shefaniscience. She was one of the very early Shefani blogs/fans. I have used a lot of her posts to work on my timelines. I always found that in very many cases, in the beginning, she was not very far off on her discussions of the relationship. She still follows on occasions, but I have not seen her post anything Shefani wise in a very long time. At the request of her followers, she took the lyrics of GAABMH and put forward what she thought were the thought processes that Blake and Gwen were having in relation to, in my opinion, the most important Shefani song. It is the only song written by them with their own personal thoughts deriving the lyrics. It is in keeping with every song Gwen has written to this date. Even though, NBY and HA really fit them, only GAABMH lays out their very real thoughts at the time.

There are a couple of others she did, and if your interested, I can share those also. Her discussions about the lyrics really bring out, from her opinion, what Gwen was feeling and thinking about when she wrote them. Let me know if you're interested. I have found that her most profound statement, paraphrasing a bit here, is that when she met Blake, it was the first time she could write a love song without caveats. She put that out in 2016 while writing the TIWTTFL album.

formerdetective May 13, 2016 Go Ahead and Break My Heart Lyrics Analysis Okay so a bunch of people requested this but I didn’t have any prompts that really fit with what I wanted to say, so here is a text post!!

First of all, I don’t think this song had anything to do with HOW they figured out the next step of their relationship. I know he said he was trying to impress her and “get somewhere with her,” but I think he was just trying to sound charming. I mean, I’m pretty sure he tries to “impress” her like almost every day. Remember when he bought his and hers horses? Or flew overnight to go to her son’s birthday party. Anyway, I think this song is about that process obviously, but I don’t think it’s a part of it. I’m sure it did help solidify things though. <3

So my interpretation of the song comes in the context of all the other things we know. Splash was July, then I’m pretty sure Getting Warmer was in early September, and then Make Me Like You, Misery were September 22 & 23, and Truth was October 23. Also in mid and late September, Blake and Gwen both said some pretty cool/magical things were happening in their lives during interviews.

So anyway that’s kind of where I’m coming from with this analysis. To me, the emotional vibe is the most like Getting Warmer. I recommend listening to that right before this for more of Gwen’s mental state.

Go Ahead and Break My Heart

Blake’s verse: Most people seem to be assuming that Blake’s lyrics mean Gwen was trying to ease off or actually tried to break up with him or something like that. But I disagree. I think Blake’s verse is mostly the result of his own insecurity. Like we know obviously that she was really scared, but I think that was stopping her from communicating, rather than from seeing him.

You know how I’ve gotten what feels like dozens of messages asking/complaining about how Gwen won’t say the word boyfriend/doesn’t want to talk about Blake/isn’t a good speaker? Imagine if you were the person she didn’t want to talk about, trying to talk about it. I love her so much but she is not good at expressing herself in situations that make her uncomfortable. And she was so nervous and confused herself. If you needed answers and were getting sort of circular, non-committal responses, that would be confusing as hell.

Trying to navigate all of that would be especially confusing if you were already super insecure yourself, and in particular were 100% convinced the woman you fell for was out of your league.

So this is the situation they’re left with. Gwen avoids the conversation or muddles her way through it, and Blake takes her nervousness, not as a sign that she wants more, but as a sign that she doesn’t know how to break up with him, because he literally can’t believe she wants to be with him. (poor babe.)

The sun is setting on your last good try: So we know based on her lyrics, and and interviews and how happy they were on the voice in battles/knockouts, things seem to have been pretty great between them…but then I imagine Blake would start to have the dreaded DTR (define the relationship) and she would start to stumble and second guess everything and leave them both thinking WTF:

Here I am with a half goodbye, wonder if you’re really gone this time: See to me this is where his own insecurities come in. Gwen is being wishy washy and unclear, and he assumes the worst. Gwen talks a lot about being broken but she wasn’t the only one who was damaged by their previous relationship.

The problem, too, is that this isn’t the type of partner he’s used to. He’s used to someone more assertive, and not as much of a sensitive cinnamon role. And based on comments he’d make, I don’t think he was used to being the one who needed to lead discussions. Plus, go back and watch some late 2014/early 2015 B interviews. He’s not used to someone being this sweet to him or being so intensely emotional over him.

I mean, because if Gwen’s problem was she was in love with him but didn’t know if he liked her as much, that’s not a reason to dump someone. It’s a reason to be hesitant in messing things up that are already going well. But Blake doesn’t know any of this, so he just thinks she’s too sweet to let him know she wants to break up. Like I said, he assumes the worst because he’s insecure and a bit broken himself. So when she doesn’t give him a straightforward answer he assumes the worst. But it’s actually the opposite.

And just when I’m about to lose my mind

He said in interviews that they were having trouble opening up and letting their guards down, and I think that definitely went for both of them. So he probably didn’t want to push the issue too much, so when he didn’t get the answers he wanted when he tried to talk about it, he just tried to go with the flow even though it was driving him nuts. Like he didn’t want to scare her off, so when he still didn’t know what she wanted at the end of the conversation, he’d just leave it because it was scary to push too much.

There you are again on my phone, moon is rising and you’re all alone: So basically Blake is going crazy worrying but she calls him like right away and wants to hang out some more. Because of course she does. She’s obsessed.

Maybe we can just hang a while, maybe we can make each other smile: But he’s still confused, still insecure, still doesn’t know what she wants, so he’s like we can just hang and see what happens! Like basically, I’ll take anything.

Oh no, here I go: I think ‘here I go’ is here i go falling in love, and it’s a problem because he doesn’t know what he’s gonna get from her. Like maybe she’s just gonna break his heart.

Chorus: So the lyrics of the chorus pretty much sum up Blake’s frustration.

Literally he’s like, “if you want to end this, then just do it.” I’m not gonna type out the whole thing because they are pretty much just one thought. Except for this:

Why are you waiting is it way too hard? See this line especially makes me think it was as much Blake’s insecurity as Gwen’s that was causing them “problems.” She was waiting because she didn’t have any interest in breaking his heart. She just didn’t know how to tell him that (and was also terrified to admit she wanted more.)

But the rest of the chorus just kind of sums up like, I want you completely. So if you don’t want that too, then you gotta go.

Oh but also: You can’t tell me that we’ll still be friends, and maybe someday we can try again. To me this is emphasizing that bb is in DEEP and he’s gonna be so heartbroken that if it’s not gonna continue then that has to be the end of it.

Gwen’s verse: So gwen’s verse is a combination of reassuring him that his insecurities are for nothing, she is literally in love with him, but she’s scared of how much she’s into him. And the lyrics of her verse are why I don’t think she was ever actually trying to say goodbye or whatever. I think she probably had no idea what to do and word vomitted her way through that conversation(s) and he took that to mean she wanted to breakup but felt bad about it, when it was really the opposite.

I never ever meant to get so into you, thought I was using you just to get me through: I think when they first started hanging out and then unexpectedly switched from friends to romance or more likely, some kind of facebook style it’s complicated, gray in-between situation, and she was trying hard to just keep on living in the moment, without thinking about what might happen between them down the road.

You know I’m broken I don’t trust anyone, last thing I needed was to fall in love: So she didn’t start hanging out with him with the intention of falling in love. She needed time to heal, and between that and everything else in her life it’s actually hella inconvenient, but that’s what happened. But it is scary because she has trust issues…which kind of takes me back to what I said about Getting Warmer…she’s not sure she believes she can trust him to love her the way she loves him…the problem she’s had in the past. But that doesn’t mean she’s not in love with him.

You got me dreaming, got me thinkin I’ve got some hope; there is nobody else I wanna get to know: So it’s not like she wants to break up at all. She doesn’t want to see anyone else, or even be without him, because it’s exciting and she’s starting to move beyond living in the moment towards maybe this is gonna be forever. Or maybe this can be what she’s always wanted, unlike the other two tries.

But I’m so scared I don’t know what to do, how did you get me so into you? And this is back to her struggling to let her guard down. Feelings are not the issue. It’s just fear. But still she does have that shred of hope so she doesn’t want to break up.

Then again, with her trust issues, she’s not that confident he won’t break her heart either. But oh no, here I go: it’s pretty much too late for her. She’s too in love to give in to her fear.

Chorus again: So frankly, it would probably be just as well for Gwen too if Blake isn’t gonna come through and give her the love and partnership she wants then she doesn’t have time for this.

Bridge: So literally, those are the reasons each of them are acting how they are. They’re both scared, both having trouble saying exactly what they want (until now), but they’re both in love with each other. There’s your cards: Cards on the table, everything exposed, it’s scary but maybe it’s worth it.

Because even though it ends on the chorus, I take a pretty optimistic view of the end. The bridge asks What are you waiting for? And to me, that’s really the conclusion. They aren’t waiting for anything. Even though it’s hard and it’s gonna take maybe a little time, they have no interest in breaking each other’s hearts.

-the end.

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alittlefrenchtree · 3 months

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Oh, what do you mean by Taylor being a little (or very much) green? I feel like he gets excited and he rambles, which happens in lots of his interviews and bit just for RWRB, but it is so endearing and wholesome! I don't know if you were referring to that though 😂

His excited rambles are part of it, yes! They're also part of his natural personality so I hope he'll keep some of that in the long run. But you can hear that he often sounds like a kid on Christmas morning (which is really good and refreshing and why it's so precious to witness first times in an actor's journey).

I can mention a few other points that feel green for me :

-how he didn't paraphrase the part when he's talking about people who wanted to kill themselves and found relief or solace in the movie/book. Dark words like these and a couple of other I think he has used and dark things in general, aren't really media-friendly, especially when you're promoting something that is mostly light and fun. I'm not saying it's bad that he used them and maybe that's something he will want to purposely keep doing because sometimes we also need to hear reality as it is and it's obviously something that deeply touched him. But, I think a media-trained version of the same idea would have sounded a bit differently, something like "people telling me how the movie has helped them gone through a rough patch of their lives or a dark period of time" or something similar.

-how he sometimes loses the thread of what he's saying, or what the question was exactly and doesn't quite know how to wrap the answer or circle back to the initial topic. Promo is usually tiring and they have to answer to the same question 5938503 different times in a very short period of time and most people doing them end up using the same kind of outlines/patterns to answer questions. If you don't know how to answer a question, you rely on stuff that can work with everything. The director's vision, staying true to the script, etc. What I mean, is in recorded audio/video interview, they rarely come up with a brand new answer each time for each question (except Rebecca Ferguson, who has probably never actually answered to a question in her whole career and seems to come up with something new every time 😂). They rely on tools to help them. Taylor uses a few of them and sometimes... He doesn't. He starts talking and you hear him go with a flow and think at the same time as he's talking, not exactly knowing where he will end up. Hence some rambles 😁

-he walks right into the traps he sets himself... for himself 💀 He did mix up question between good kisser/who has your heart and I think it initially brought up for talking about how they handled intimacy on set and all but his way of talking about the choreographic aspect of it was... So chaotic 💀 good kisser/heart question are fun question on micro-interviews because you're not supposed to actually answer to them but joke around it to make a fun 15-second video out of it. To bring them up in a different context can feel a bit out of tune and he's like *i didn't know how to answer to them back then and I still don't know hahhaha so i'm not sure why I did mention them again in front of one of the good kisser contestant* and there was kind of the same feeling for the famous to wax or not to wax body hair anecdote. He understands where the interviewer is referring to and h'es kind enough to go there with him but at the same time, he's not really comfortable to entirely go there in a more "serious" setting (vs light joke on a red carpet) so I feel like we can hear a bit of a "hahaha fuck me" in his voice.

So yeah, there a lot of little things that feel green. Which, in case it isn't clear, isn't me saying he's unprofessional or that he's bad at doing promo or anything. Promo can be the most dull thing ever when people who do them don't know how to keep it entertaining. Having someone.. not "standardized" by years and years of promo is really refreshing. I love it to be honest. Both because it's always nice to see genuine and because they are media study candies and there are only a few things in life I like better than these. I hope he'll find a way to keep little bit of everything without draining himself too much 🙏

#alft asks #taylor zakhar perez #tzp

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evilhasnever · 9 months

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who do you think is the initiator when it comes to intimate moments in the context of xiyao/3zun? I'm not a big fan of the 'all lans are only pretending to be pure and reserved, and are quite perverted on the inside' trope, but it seems to be the case for at least one lan. and lxc appears to be the most eager one to pursue reconciliation between his sworn brothers, which may indicate him taking the lead in other aspects

Hey anon! first, allow me a disclaimer: I enjoy platonic 3zun content, but I don’t ship it in any romantic/sexual way, so I’ve got nothing for you there. (In fact, I get a bit peeved when my gen 3zun art is tagged with shippy comments… but it is what it is. This is unrelated to your ask, sorry!)

Anyway, let me talk about xiyao, since that is my jam! I think saying Xichen’s support of the sworn brotherhood somehow informs his tendencies in the bedroom… is a bit of a leap. I’m with you on the “not all Lans have to be closet freaks”, but I definitely think they’re all repressed. I remember when in an interview Liu Haikuan said (paraphrased): “LXC is just as passionate as Wangji, but had to repress it even more because he was the sect heir”… ain’t that the truth! Poor Xichen. I don’t think his own inner freak would manifest in the exact same ways as LWJ though. If he is a freak, he’d be suave about it. ;)

Honestly, I’m a fan of subby service top LXC, so I like to think he’d be waiting for JGY to ask something of him rather than taking unwanted initiative, you know? (Just imagine him vibrating while waiting for A-Yao to give him A SIGN. Oh, A-Yao, breach that divide because LXC wouldn’t dare to presume…! He will take the lead if A-yao wishes him to!)

BUT! JGY is also repressed for entirely different reasons (shame, trauma, etc.) so it’d be hard for him to want to initiate things, and thus xiyao were probably sexually frustrated for years. The UST is out of control. That’s why their gazing scenes should come with an adult warning.

#Ask box #shhh shiome

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scaryscarecrows · 1 year

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Jason sproinging off a minigun, because he is a dramatic fucker.

Scaryverse Jason has done this to Trent, though in different context. The above scene came about due to the following exchange, roughly paraphrased:

J: The man who kills me gets control of this entire army.

Minigunners: Got it, boss!

(They did not succeed. They got clobbered.)

Scaryverse version under the cut.

"Ages."

"Yessir."

"Shoot at me."

Trent's brain grinds to a halt.

"Boss?"

"You heard me." He's not at all sure about that, actually. "Well?"

"Why."

The Knight nods towards the fairly large number of recruits huddled by the busses.

"To make sure they behave. Do it."

Trent doesn't like this. Not one little bit. But he also has just enough faith in the Knight to figure he won't just stand there and get vaporized, so he hefts his gun up.

"Yessir!"

#jason todd #arkhamverse #scaryverse #trent ages #image from #arkham knight tie in comics #(vol. 3 don't remember the issue number)#(i have the trades on my shelf)#arkham knight #arkham knight militia

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operationfortune · 1 year

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Okay I know this post will gain absolutely zero traction but the more I think about it the more I want to cry about it??

slight spoilers for one of the character arcs in Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre ahead,,,

So I saw Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre in the cinema today. I was alone, it was reasonably full, the film technically only opened two days ago, and it's wider release isn't for another week, but I had time to kill and it was the only thing that piqued my interest. It sits in an interesting spot tonally, comparative, I'd say, to Netflix Exclusive Michael Bay movie 6 Underground, though to use a more recent marker I'd drop it somewhere near Bullet Train (though it's definitely much closer to 6 Underground). All this context to say that I went into this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie with zero expectations and almost completely blind.

So please believe me when I say I was truly blindsided with joy to have canonical, casual queer representation in this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie.

Maybe it's that I don't watch a lot of media now, but it's something I noticed while watching Glass Onion too, both with Benoit and Hugh Grant (ha, put a pin in that) and especially with the character of Peg, and it makes me a bit teary and excited when I think about it. There's something to be said for how far we've come, to the point that Casual Queer Rep is even possible. There's something about watching Peg get all flustered talking to Helen and knowing that it's because she has a crush, without it having to be flagged, spelled out, or otherwise othered by the film or its writing.

It's normalised.

Which I know shouldn't be a big deal, but right now, to me, it is. I didn't realise I could feel this way; to see a full character who just so happens to be gay, where the plot doesn't revolve around her being gay, but that part of her identity is still made clear?? I love Peg so much holy shit.

But Glass Onion is the second in a series that has established itself as a forerunner for casual diversity. Let me tell you about how Operation Fortune made me want to YELL in theatres.

It's the 8th of January, and it might be a bit early to call it, but Danny Francesco might be my favourite character of the year.

Is he perfect? God no, he's objectively not a great person; he's sleeping with his sister-in-law, he's a Hollywood diva, he's demanding, and he (spoilers, seriously) ends up engaged to a war criminal. Who happens to be the main antagonist. Who happens to be Hugh Grant. Danny is the light of my life, however, and I love him with my whole heart.

So in the beginning we're told that Danny turned down $10m because he didn't want to jump out of Greg (Hugh Grant)'s cake and sing Happy Birthday; whatever, I thought, Greg is a rich, eccentric with an obsession with celebrities, and Danny is the biggest star right now, I shouldn't read anything into it because Sometimes Rich People Just Do Things For Status Reasons. We're also told, and subsequently shown, Greg tries to take celebrity's partners/girlfriends. Cue Sarah (Aubrey Plaza) in a bright red dress that I will dream about for the next month.

Also, in the scene where Danny, Sarah, and Orson (Jason Statham) are joining the fancy party, there's some distinctly fruity vibes between the three of them, but I'm not here to push my Orson/Sarah/Danny polycule agenda, just know that I have one.

So obviously Greg is excited to see Danny, but later makes a Very Distinct Pass at Sarah, inviting both her and Danny to stay with him for the weekend, with an implied Wink Wink Nudge Nudge.

While they end up taking him up on that offer, Danny, who started the film having refused Greg's Rich Weirdo Request, and now having to spend time with him for the job, finds that he actually genuinely likes Greg, who appears to genuinely like him back, doting on him, even giving him gifts.

When Danny says to Sarah "(I'm paraphrasing, about Greg) he's really into you! If you don't take him up on his offer then I might!" my eyeballs were Out Of My Head. Like sure it sounds like a joke that would be written in to simply highlight Danny's materialism, a whole 'gay for pay' joke, something about his vanity, or even just an offhand joke that I might hear one of my straight friends who were super comfortable and confident in their sexuality say about their best friends, I was So primed for this to be something that the audience could laugh off or dismiss in hindsight. Like in my mind that solidified my headcanon of Danny as bi, but I was so used to queerbaiting and years of being told I was reading into things.

So as the plot continues, Danny's fondness for Greg goes on, turns into something incredibly genuine, and looking back, he clearly has a hero-worship crush on Greg by the end of the film.

The last shot we see of Danny and Greg is the pair of them getting into an elevator after Greg pulls a stone cold power move on the films secondary antagonists, which he had Danny assist with for flare after Danny asked specifically to stay with him for that event. In the elevator, Danny tells Greg that that was "the coolest thing he's ever seen someone do" and that's the last we physically see of them.

HOWEVER!! THE ICING!! THE CHERRY!!

At the very end of the film, one of the protagonists mentions how he's gone into the film industry, and the response he gets is;

"You better not be talking about Danny Francesco and his fiancee Greg Simmonds!"

an accurate depiction of me as the credits began to roll;

WE WIN THESE!!

BOTH DANNY AND GREG ARE CANONICALLY BI/PAN IN THIS JASON STATHAM-LEAD ESPIONAGE ACTION MOVIE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023!! THEY BOTH LIVE UNTIL THE END!! THEY'RE ENGAGED!! THEY'RE BOTH ABSOLUTE DISASTERS!! THEY'RE BOTH FULL, ROUNDED CHARACTERS WHO HAPPEN TO BE QUEER!!

I get choked up thinking about it now, considering how quietly overwhelmed I felt in the theatre realising that Danny and Greg's comments and moments throughout the film weren't some elaborate joke, the dialogue that reminds me of my friends, the moments that felt true to my life as a queer person, they werent the setup for any kind of homophobic mixup, miscommunication, or microaggression; no, I finally, actually felt like I saw a part of myself, of my community represented in media.

Everyone in that movie is terrible in their own way, but Danny and Greg just happened to be terrible people who are also queer. Are they perfect representation? No! Thank fuck! I think we deserve more dumbass, disaster, unethical queers in media.

Even if I don't necessarily recommend this movie (it's pretty okay if you're a fan of the genre I suppose), I subjectively love it and especially it's characters, with my whole entire heart.

Danny Francesco is canonically a dumbass, bi disaster who fell for his sugar daddy, war criminal Hugh Grant. Good for him. It's what he deserves. 🥰🥰🥰

#operation fortune ruse de guerre #operation fortune #ruse de guerre #danny francesco #greg simmonds #hugh grant #greg x danny #danny operation fortune #greg operation fortune #josh hartnett #knives out #knives out glass onion #glass onion #peg glass onion #peg knives out #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqplus #fortunate ops

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