#three patch podcast

[threepatchpodcast]

TPP Episode 145: A Study in Fic - "Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma" Part 1

🚨NEW EPISODE! A very special Study in Fic series, where we give #GoodOmens fic "Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma" the book club treatment. Join @foxestacado @waltz_tales @mickeyralph Sofia & Topher for a discussion of chapters 1-4.

Show notes and direct download information at three-patch.com. Or subscribe via RSS or iTunes.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! I was wondering if you and your followers have any Sherlock Holmes/BBC Sherlock/Johnlock podcast recommendations? Thank you!

Hey Nonny!

Ah, the only one I know of, aside from a Podfics Masterlist and Suggestions, actual Podcasts about the show I know if is the Three Patch Podcast (@threepatchpodcast), which does a monthly Holmsian Podcast and is still going strong! It's lots of fun, highly recommend. Aside from that one, I don't know of any other ones.

Anyone have any other Podcast recommendations for Sherlock / Holmesian Things?

[daltongraham]

Good gravy.

I was listening to "Three Patch Podcast's" tenth sexpisode, and they were discussing the term "bussy", which I've seen but never understood, so I made the mistake of looking it up on Urban Dictionary.

I'll spare you. You can go ruin yourself, if you didn't already know that term. Let's just say that some people who contribute to Urban Dictionary are a bit problematic.

[ghosts-post]

Can you please do a one-shot with creep yan x innocent reader? Maybe he tries to show them a jar with a dead raccoon and they just stand there like "You're very creative :)"

Creep yan my love <3 thank you for my first creep request! I love him so much he’s so gross and so me fr fr

-

Arin was always into more macabre things then the typical human. It started relatively normal with horror movie killing scenes and true crime podcasts but it quickly escalated from there. He didn’t want to just hear about it anymore. He wanted to be involved in the process or see it personally. That’s when he started a little “business” at his local college. If someone happens to get hurt one way or another he won’t ask questions just patch you up but in exchange he gets to take pictures of your injuries. It seemed fair enough to him and to his surprise (and delighted) people started using his business with little to no questions after the first two or three people.

Cut to a few weeks later and that's how he met you. You weren't bloody or injured when you came wondering over to him just curious. To be honest it kind of pissed Arin off. He said people could come to him when they were injured. No injury then he didn't want to be bothered. It didn't help that you asked a million and one questions. Most of which he refused to answer. He was hoping that if he just ignored you that you'd go away. Turns out that hope was misplaced seeing as you returned day after day despite never having even a bruise on your body.

It infuriated him and yet he also couldn’t help but grow a slow attraction to you. Most people were at least freaked out by him but you? You weren’t. And you actually wanted to spend time with him, get to know him, and you even listened to his ramblings about his many collections of dead animals he taxidermied.

It was a few weeks before he started to follow you around school, then around your neighborhood, then sneaking into your room when you were out with friends. Friends which he hated but thanked at the same time. How else would he be able to sneak into your room without them? When he entered your room he started a new collection. Anything he thought you wouldn’t notice missing or he just really wanted he’d take.

Then he invited you over to his house and into his room. He wanted to see your reaction to his many many collections. He was honestly a bit shocked at your calm reaction. Sure he’d talk about his collection and you reacted fine but he thought if you saw it you’d be freaked out but you weren’t.

“You’re very creative Arin!”

[ohallows]

not to be a massive downer but i really really really hope people take a few seconds to think before just throwing their money at RQ like... we are talking about a company who blatantly mismanaged their merch (the designs were largely atrocious, there was barely any merch for shows that werent Magnus) AND their discord server (for years) and managed to go from having one of the top fictional podcasts in the sphere to having comparatively low views in their new shows (not to mention boosting rq network shows over their own products and having massive delays with actually releasing those shows). not to mention the veritable laundry list of unfulfilled Patreon promises that, as far as i can tell (now I haven't been a patron in a minute), have had either zero updates or super minimal updates. not to point to the transcripts debacle but like... it's been Multiple years of them doing just under the absolute bare minimum of accessibility. and they constantly have fallen back on the excuse (for all the things listed above) of not having the resources or the time or the staff or the whatever. so like... idk, man, maybe them running a Kickstarter that has inherent promises built *into it* shouldn't give you the most trustworthy feelings for [vague gestures at the idea of a Magnus 2]

plus, if the recent layoffs and financial rumors are to be believed.... RQs low on finances and didn't actually have a solid backup plan to deal with the Patreon loss from post-magnus or the lack of viewership/care for their new shows (which they stated that they did!). it's hard for me to believe this isn't just a cash grab that will lead to them patching the boat for another three years until they once again run out of money and need to do Magnus 3 just to keep beating this dead horse

like, if you want to give them money and support artists and podcasters, whatever, I'm not your mom, but I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals talking about this and i just want to like... idk man, exercise caution. think about all this a bit before tossing a bunch of money their way. this should be true of every Kickstarter tbh like you should do your research on the company's history (looking at the completely failed and fraudulent tv show Kickstarters that Tumblr has fell into before.......) before tossing money to them. (not trying to say rq is lying or anything, I do believe their intentions are honorable, but it's like. idk dude it's a very transparent cash grab and I think everyone should be viewing this w a more critical eye [pun not intended] instead of getting distracted by the possibility of more magnus)

[hostilemuppet]

I apologize if I sound stupid, but what’s mangoball? I hope I spelt that right

cheater cheater (known as mangoball) is a satirical social media fanfiction by twitter user mangobaii written in 2021 about the internet personas of twitch streamers georgenotfound and dream getting together after georges ex boyfriend sapnap cheated on him with dream. on paper it sounds fucking abysmal especially with what we now know about all three of them (ie. they should be publicly stoned) but its more or less infamous for the surrealist humour and the way it acts as a time capsule for stan culture of late 2021. the characters are:

george. a very very stupid british man who paid to get into college. his boyfriend cheats on him and he takes it really poorly

dream. a very very desperate american man who sucked sapnaps dick in a public bathroom and broke up his relationship. when he thinks things are over between him and george he runs away to disney land to become a goofy mascot, which george finds incredibly attractive

sapnap. a very very unpleasant man to be around. cheated on his boyfriend and when its clear theyre not gonna patch things up he resorts to just hanging around the main group and in general being a dick

now this is where it gets REALLY really good bc its unanimously agreed upon that while the dream team are really entertaining in this they dont hold a candle to the others

quackity. georges roommate. i would say he "favours the tough love approach" but that is putting it soooooo lightly.

kyle. georges other roommate. the designated "straight man" in that he is like a normal fucking person put into this insane world of crazy people. the catalyst for most of the events of the story since he is the one who saw dream suck sapnaps dick, told george about it, and encouraged george to rebound with dream. thank you rival cartoonrival for telling me that i called karl kyle on accident. it really goes to show how much of a normal guy he is

corpse husband (we dont know why he was included either). dreams roommate. hates that cunt and is actively praying on his downfall

wilbur soot. dream and corpse's neighbour. initially introduced as "guy who keeps stealing his stuff (and also knows george from england)" gradually devolves into "batshit insane, genuinely a threat to those around him, involuntarily gets them involved in his crimes for a 'bonding experience'". also he is kind of in love with corpse but that isnt ever expanded upon

tommy innit. a freshman that dream used to tutor for compsci (along with tubbo but hes not as relevant to the story as tommy is. SORRY TUBBO!) but he hated dream so much he started a space about it, which got bigger and bigger until it became a huge podcast (with individual episodes still named using space naming conventions) where he and various guests shit on dream. he doxxes dream. at one point it was sponsored by taco bell.

badboyhalo. mysterious man no one really knows (except i think its briefly implied george dated him at one point) who doesnt go to their college yet keeps interacting with them like they are all best friends. is actually quackitys estranged father he never met

there was also a christmas special where someone snitched on wilbur to the authorities and george got kidnapped and they try to figure out whos responsible while snowed in and unable to visit their families like they wanted

tldr: modern art

[whyycherry]

It's been a while but I have become so infatuated with rqg and I adore these four so much, I miss them a lot :( rqg has been getting me through my first weeks at uni I'm so grateful for this podcast! Anyway here are my first designs for the lolomg gang

[ID: Two headshot sketch pages of Rusty Quill Gaming characters. One page is the sketches with colour and the other is without. They are of Azu, Hamid, Sasha and Grizzop.

Azu is a black Orc with a buzzcut, she has two tusks, the right of which is broken and on the same side of her face she has an eyebrow slit. She has long eyelashes and a gentle, kind gaze. Azu is surrounded by a large pink aura and wears three earrings, two are on the left and are cuffed and one on the right is a golden oval. Her ears are short and slightly pointed. A pink scarf drapes over her shoulders. You can also see part of her armour which is high golden collar with floral engravings.

Hamid is a brown halfling with slicked back dark curls, one curl is dropping infront of his face. His side profile is gazing downwards slightly with a soft smile and his ears are upwards pointing. He wears a small golden earring, a purple robe, ruffles and eyeliner, he has a small beauty mark under his eye along with long eyelashes. Golden flower doodles surround him.

Sasha is human with extremely pale, white skin. A burn mark stretches over one side of her face and creeps over her nosebridge slightly. She has dark eyes and eyebags and thick and scruffy eyebrows which are much like her hair that is flipped over to the left and half shaved. Her hair has a slight spike to it. She also has a white patch of hair near the back. She wears a studded leather jacket, a turtleneck and a slightly awkward but smug expression.

Grizzop is a Goblin with grey skin and wide fully red eyes, along with a sharp toothy grin. He is bald with thin eyebrows and had two very large pointy ears that stick outwards on eachside of his head, he has three arrow earrings in his left ear and a half moon symbol earring on the right. In my sketch you can see reminiscence of his armour. His head is gestured upwards confidently and eyes are looking down slightly. He has dark grey freckles. End ID]

This is my first time doing an image description so any feedback would be helpful <3

[womenofnoise]

2023 has been one hell of a year for us, and the goal is to make 2024 even better.

What do we have in the works? Here's a few items: The second Zine issue will be released, the podcast will resume (sorry, we kind of got backlogged on episodes and are trying to catch up), and there will hopefully be more Women of Noise night shows taking place. New pages on our blog will have some "how to get started making noise" and "where to start when listening to noise music" type tutorials.

We're discussing merch ideas, like buttons, patches, and shirts. Also, there will be future charity compilations, but nothing is set in stone as of now. We might be potentially seeking out additional moderators as well - this page has grown so much that the three of us are getting a bit overwhelmed.

Thank you so much for all of the support. We can only go up from here.

- Admin @aleprouswitch

(PS: The photo is of a very small portion of my way-too-complicated setup)

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Five Times John Wanted to See a Movie, and One Time Kayne Made it Suck - a Malevolent Podcast Oneshot

In which Arthur struggles with right and wrong, bemoans the Hays Code, tries (and fails) to define love, and gets a second chance.

Spoilers up to Malevolent ep. 31.

AO3

----------

In January, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

“Damn it, John… fine. You know what? Fine! We’ll go sit in the dark and be perfect targets for someone! Is that what you want?”

He gives in, though.

Arthur can be stubborn. He can be foolish in refusal, often saying no just to say it. 

But to this?

To an innocent request, almost childlike in its intensity, and in its expectation of reply?

Arthur can’t hold out for that long.

Not when it seems to bring John such uncomplicated joy.

#

The movie is called Dancing Lady, and Arthur already knows nothing will ever be made like it again once the Hays Code has its way.

It’s a ridiculous love triangle, a “tarnished” woman (a concept Arthur finds absurd) torn between a rich sponsor and a poor lover, both of whom, at least, see her talent for what it is.

There are some scenes in this one. At one point, Clark Gable massages Joan Crawford’s leg, raising it above his shoulder, only hinting at the things that must surely be on display from Gable’s point of view.

Yowza.

It’s hard not to imagine Joan Crawford making the kinds of faces John describes, and Arthur can’t help a little bit of distracting response.

He focuses on his popcorn instead of anything else prone to explode.

“Those guys are a lot of silk hats and silk socks with nothing between,” says Clark Gable on screen, and Arthur laughs.

John huffs. Why are they being so particular about this?

“Particular about what?” says Arthur.

Tod, Patch, Janie. Why the fuck doesn’t she just lie with both of them? Why do they give a fuck?

Arthur is completely taken aback. “Well, it… I mean… she can’t do that.”

Why not?

Arthur has never in his life considered this question.

It’s about offspring, John decides.

“Ah… no, it’s not really—”

They demand monogamy so there can be no question of inheritance.

“She’s a dancing girl. She has nothing to inherit.”

Sure, but Tod does.

“Yes, but… that isn’t it, John.”

Then what is?

Arthur’s really not sure how to answer. What’s he going to say? That it isn’t the Christian thing to do? “I… it just isn’t done that way. Generally.”

Though in his musician days, he witnessed some truly unique romantic configurations.

It’s a lot to think about.

Stupid, pronounces John with fiendish delight, and continues to tell Arthur everything that’s happening on screen even though Arthur does not reply.

#

In February, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Arthur sighs. “John. I’ve been fucking stabbed.”

Only a little, says John. The three stitches are fine. You’re fine.

He is fine, honestly. It wasn’t that bad, and in the end, they took out the giant bug-thing that poked him.

He’s pretty sure he isn’t poisoned. Maybe that alone deserves celebration.

Arthur sighs. “Well. I suppose an evening of distraction isn’t such a terrible idea.”

Of course it’s not a terrible idea. It’s mine.

Arthur rolls his useless eyes, but can’t help a little smile. 

#

This movie, though. This movie hits different.

Death Takes a Holiday is about Death himself, who is tired of being misunderstood, and decides to go slumming among humans for a few days to see if he can figure out why.

And he falls in love. 

With a human.

Which can’t end well for that poor lady.

Arthur forgets his popcorn.

The drama is absolutely contrived and thoroughly effective. The struggles of the inhuman to understand the human—

The choice of the human to understand the strange—

“And tonight, I must go back to my distant kingdom,” says Fredric March, whose portrayal of Death is passionate, quiet-spoken, and rife with tortured drama.

“Will you take me with you?” says Evelyn Venable, who plays Grazia, the love interest, and whose name means grace.

“Take you?” says Death, who is pretending to be something he is not, who is carrying on a wild con with the goal of… enlightenment? “Take you? I should be so unhappy alone. Take you? Oh, no, no… don’t tempt me. But Grazia, give me one hour of you—let me hold you once, and feel your life.”

Holy shit, Arthur thinks, because he’s pretty sure he knows how Grazia feels.

Sort of. He’s no damsel, and whatever he and John are isn’t romantic, but still?

“Now you see me as I am,” says Death, at last revealed as shadow, as monster, as darkly divine.

“But I've always seen you like that! You haven't changed,” says Grazia.

She chooses him, knowing what he is.

She chooses him, knowing what it will cost.

The music swells, and Arthur finds himself tearing up. “Then there is a love which casts out fear, and I have found it! And love is greater than illusion… and as strong as death!” Death declares.

John cheers. She goes with him! She went with him! Yes, Arthur!

Does John see the parallels, too?

Arthur isn’t brave enough to ask.

He wipes his eyes, amazed, moved. Almost envious of that stupid made-up girl.

Yeah. This one hit different. 

He can’t help wondering, silly as it is, if this movie was based on something that really happened.

Death and Grazia, reaching across the gap.

It’s not him and John.

But then, who can say just what they are?

#

In March, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Arthur is tired. “Really? Now?”

Why not? We owe ourselves a little treat.

They do, but after Death’s little romance, Arthur’s not sure he’s ready.

He has decided “friend” is the word for them, but only because he doesn’t have a better one.

Its problem is, it’s not strong enough. It’s nowhere near strong enough.

Arthur is well aware that facing off against the damned pallid mask cult again is the reason for his mood, but what he needs to remember is they failed. 

He’s alive. 

John is still here.

John did not take his exit, his gilt and crafted fire escape, much to the cult’s confusion.

When Arthur destroyed their framework of magic and bone, John cheered him on.

John doesn’t seem to miss them, or regret Arthur’s success.

That means a lot.

Friend? Sure. In lieu of a better word.

Arthur sighs. “What do you want to see?”

#

Jimmy the Gent is bonkers.

Arthur half wonders if it pushes the bar so hard because the Hays Code is breathing down Hollywood’s collective neck, threatening to end artistic freedom forever.

He also wonders if anyone but James Cagney and Bette Davis could have pulled this plotline off.

Cagney plays an unscrupulous man who seeks out wealthy folks who died without a will, then produces heirs to rake in the moolah—heirs who aren’t even real.

The main conflict is his girlfriend balking at his techniques, bailing to join a competitor, and coming back again when the eponymous Jimmy shows himself to be slightly less wicked than the other guy.

There isn’t actually a hero. It’s not black and white; it may be comedy, but it’s comedy gray.

“The only thing he's got that I want is you, and he took you away from me,” says Jimmy.

Oof. Those are some words to hear, and Arthur struggles not to apply them.

“He's got ethics,” says Davis, the dame Joan.

“I don't care if he has carbuncles. The only difference between him and me is he's got a smoother line,” says Cagney as the eponymous Jimmy.

Haha… ah. Wow.

“You can't make yourself clean by making him dirty,” says Joan, and Arthur’s stomach twists.

Arthur slowly exhales. This is a poor allegory for the King in Yellow and him, isn’t it?

But it maybe isn’t so bad for him and Larson.

He’s a little bit better than Larson. Just a little. Is that enough to make him good?

John, funny enough, doesn’t wrestle with morality at all in this, but has a blast with the humor, and praises the cleverness of the characters. He particularly appreciates the way Jimmy puts on airs to win back his lady love. Goal achieved, intimacy earned, all for the price of a barrel of determination and a pinch of deceit.

Arthur is uncomfortable as fuck, and eats all the popcorn at the film, too much popcorn, and gives himself a stomachache.

Somehow, he feels it is deserved.

#

In May, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

They end up picking one all about deceit, romance, and false identity.

The Thirty Day Princess is a heck of a ride.

Are you trying to tell me something? Arthur thinks at a god he doesn’t believe in, thinks at the King in Yellow who is and is not John.

“She Reminds Me of You,” croons Bing Crosby as the hero dances with the princess-under-false-pretenses, who’s filling in for her sick counterpart for a total of thirty days.

Who looks exactly like the ill royal, but most definitely is not her.

I'm standing all alone I've got nothing to live for She reminds me of you And she reminds me of you And it breaks my heart in two

Dear fucking gods.

John is not the King in Yellow.

Except that he is.

Arthur hasn’t processed this. Hasn’t figured it out.

I am the King in Yellow, sounds John’s voice in Arthur’s memory, and Arthur ends up physically ill at the end of the film.

John is quite concerned, but Arthur doesn’t know what to tell him when he asks what’s wrong, and leaves all his questions unanswered like unraveling thread.

#

In September, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Enough time has passed that Arthur’s resistance has worn down.

He refused two months in a row. He rejoiced (in silence) that the madness with the Order of the Falling Star prevented any such frivolity through August.

But now that’s done, and Kayne has another poorly defined deal that began with an entire group of cultists violently dead, and Percy has Arthur’s blood in a jar for some reason and a promise of future contact, and it’s done.

For better or worse, it’s done.

And it’s quiet.

And John wants to see a movie.

“You know what?” says Arthur, who could use the distraction. "There’s one I want to see, too. Do you know the poets Elizabeth Barret and Robert Browning? Well… Elizabeth wrote some of the most wonderful verse about love and longing that anyone ever has, and apparently, there’s a movie about it, so let’s go see.”

#

The Barretts of Wimpole Street turns out to be completely not what Arthur expected.

Love disallowed by a sex-repulsed parent, physical illness barring the freedom afforded any ordinary adult, a stressful and creepy scene with incestuous undertones, and a decision to kill a beloved pet dog (which fortunately did not pan out) leave Arthur feeling absolutely weird about the whole thing.

The movie tiptoes a lot about morality, about right and wrong, about societal norms and familial expectations.

At least some of it reminded him of arguments with Daniel, after Bella had come down pregnant.

At least some of it reminded him of arguments with James, the day Faroe was born.

All of it reminded him of whatever he has with John, and he doesn’t know how to interpret that.

Norma Shearer as Elizabeth asking, “Robert, have you ever thought that my strength may break down on the journey?”

Frederick March as Robert answering: “It had occurred to me, yes.”

Arthur feels so very mortal, these days.

“Supposing I were to die in your hands?” she says.

“Are you afraid?”

Yes, thinks Arthur. I’m very afraid.

And then comes the line that hits hardest. “Yes,” says Robert Browning. “I am prepared to risk your life, much more my own, to get you out of that dreadful house and into the sun and to have you for my wife.”

Was that an okay thing to say?

Arthur doesn’t know.

He feels like he and John have each made that decision for each other, more than once.

But nobody’s a wife. 

Or something.

He’s not really sure what he’s internally protesting.

“I'm sick of fighting alone. I need a comrade in arms to fight beside me,” Robert says.

“But not one already wounded in battle,” Elizabeth says, who feels lesser, who feels so weak.

“Wounded but undaunted, unbeaten, unbroken. What finer comrade could a man ask for?”

Undefeated.

Arthur swallows hard. Maybe this one was pointed at him, after all.

That was kind of depressing, John pronounces with great cheer as they leave, having enjoyed every moment, and described it all to Arthur in an effort to help him enjoy it, too. I can’t believe he wanted to kill the dog! 

“Well,” says Arthur. “Some people are… cruel… when they lose.”

Someone should kill him instead, John says, and he is joking.

Probably joking.

It feels like John’s moral compass is more reliable than Arthur’s own, these days, so Arthur decides to just let that one go.

#

In October, Arthur says, “John—I want to see a movie.”

Really? You do? You want to hear one, you mean? says John, who’s being clever.

Arthur is able to laugh. “Yes, you whacko.”

John’s pleased. Arthur can feel it. I know you are, but what am I?

Arthur laughs again.

The back-and-forth is ridiculous, but feels so damn good in spite of that. Easy; effortless. Affectionate, knives long stashed.

Three whole weeks have passed since the Rancid Ruby case, and their successful retrieval of the jewel (and the minister’s daughter, whom they hadn’t even known was missing) has brought them enough business and enough income that Arthur has begun to believe John is right: they’re going to be okay.

It’s also put the final nail in the dismissal of their murder case. The minister stood as a character witness, and finally swayed the judge. Who knew?

Parker and Eddie’s deaths have been officially attributed to a burglary gone wrong—backed by Arthur’s wrecked car, miles from the scene; by hospital proof that Arthur, unidentified, had been in a coma; and by Arthur’s indisputable claim of amnesia, causing his disappearance for many months. 

Larson is MIA, having been carried off by the monstrous thing he summoned.

The Butcher is retired, having philosophized himself into a monastery, eager for hypocritical redemption and literal flagellation.

Kayne hasn’t called his favor, but right now, it’s hard to look toward that with horror.

Even this latest case worked out, with a wild showdown in Central Park, loads of witnesses, and the Jade MacGuffin returned to its owner.

It’s all coming up roses. Arthur is almost able to hope.

So what did you want to see? says John.

“Well, they’re saying this will be one of the last great movies—the Hays Code, and all,” says Arthur, who has tried to explain it, and shared John’s frustration at the enforcement of false human experience and morality on screen. “It’s about the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra—a tragic love story, and one that’s inspired all manner of art, music, poetry, and more for centuries.”

Sure. Sounds good. The theater on 15th has popcorn, you know.

That’s all Arthur needs to hear.

#

And it isn’t pointed, it really is not. But it sort of fits how he’s feeling, anyway.

“Together, we could conquer the world,” Cleopatra says, Elizabeth Taylor making every word so sensual that Arthur could drown in any one of them for a week.

“Nice of you to include me,” Warren William’s Julius Caesar replies, and Arthur chuckles, and John says, Hahaha! You can do better! and it’s such a beautiful, perfect shared moment.

And of course, she can do better—in the form of Marc Antony, played by Henry Wilcoxon.

Arthur loses himself in it all, even though he can’t see. The cast is huge. The effects (via John) are jaw-dropping. The music score is moving and expertly done.

When Taylor says, "On. Your. Knees,” Arthur feels some things he really doesn’t know what to do with, but the moment passes quickly.

Cleopatra is everything Arthur wanted in an evening of self-indulgent escape, and John’s continued enthusiasm only makes it more sweet.

Arthur sniffles at the tragic ending, even though he knew it was coming, which Taylor plays to the hilt.

It definitely doesn’t feel pointed like the other movies did. Arthur figures out why when it’s done, while he’s waiting for everyone else to file out so he can leave the theater unhindered.

A lack of communication and irreconcilable core values led to the tragedy on screen.

That’s not him and John. Well, it used to be; but Arthur is certain it’s not anymore.

John says, I think I understand her.

“Her? Cleopatra? How so?”

And with that unnervingly good memory John sometimes demonstrates, he quotes: ‘So Rome would forgive and take you back? And all they demand is for us to part. Why don't they ask the sun to fall right out of the sky?’

Arthur swallows.

That’s how I feel about you, says John, who has never said he loves Arthur, but has shown it, repeatedly and without hesitation.

Arthur has some thoughts on that. "I feel the same,” he says, who has never said those words to John, even though the King in Yellow called him on it months ago.

But Arthur’s fairly sure he’s shown it, too.

He's been thinking a lot about love, of late.

About what it really is, and how it is expressed.

About how the movies usually portray two kinds: romantic, and familial.

This love is neither. It’s different, loaded with unknown spice, broken free from a mold Arthur cannot name.

But it is absolutely real, and Arthur has come to a conclusion that shakes him to his core: he was already willing to die for John, many months ago, yes. But now?

Now, he’s willing to live for him.

Even if Kayne decided to offer me a body, I’m not going anywhere, John says out of nowhere.

“A body?” Arthur isn’t sure where that idea came from. “I doubt he’d do that.”

John says nothing.

Arthur tries to bridge whatever unexpected gap this is, squirming with things in the dark. “It shouldn’t be too difficult to obtain papers for you, if that happened. Make you all legitimate.”

Really. Is that so?

Arthur has to poke. “I’ll say you’re from Montana. That should explain away any obvious social gaffes.”

Gaffes! I’ll have you know I’m far better at handling people than you.

“Well, I suppose we’ll see, won’t we? In this theoretical future that probably won’t happen.”

There’s another slight pause. Arthur frowns.

I want my name on the business, John suddenly says.

Arthur snorts.

Arthur! I’m serious!

“Yes, yes. I don’t see why not.” Arthur is more concerned he might not get his sight back than that John’s name is painted on frosted glass. “Lester and Doe, Private Investigators For Hire.”

Doe and Lester.

“Excuse you. I was in it first.”

But I’m clearly the smarter partner.

Arthur laughs. “You dork.”

And will probably be better-looking, too.

“Now, that’s going too far,” says Arthur, chuckling. 

You’ll see. I’ll draw everyone’s attention with my glorious form, and that’ll give you time to riffle their drawers.

“That’s… not a horrible idea, honestly, though there are a few problems with that—namely, you have no body, and even if you did, I’d still be blind.”

Well, I… well, we…

“Gotcha,” says Arthur, smug, because it’s easier to laugh at this possible future than actually deal with any of it, though even the shadow it casts hurts.

You did not. That’s not even a point. Half a point, maybe.

“Lester and Doe, it is,” Arthur says, because it’s fun to poke the bear.

Instead of answering, John gasps.

Arthur knows John. Knows him well. And immediately stops walking.

“You know, just when I think you two can’t get any cuter, you go and wrap a bow on your dicks and call it Christmas,” says Kayne so close that Arthur can feel breath on his lips.

Arthur staggers back a few steps, then stops himself. Running won’t help. “What do you want?”

Kayne must have kept pace with him, because he speaks just as close, an inch away. “It’s your lucky day! Oh, did you tell him, snippet? Did you? I assume you would have by now, I mean, it’s not like you had half a year or something to figure out how to broach the topic.”

Oh, no. What?

It’s like the ground under Arthur’s feet is shaking, ground he’d thought was solid, but hides a deep and jagged fault line. “What is he talking about?”

Arthur, I—

“Too late now!” says Kayne, and there is a whoosh of air.

Arthur staggers. He didn’t move, but he did, and the sounds and smells tell him he’s no longer on the sidewalk, but in an alley.

And then comes a voice he hates.

A drawl, casual and arrogant, and it doesn’t even matter that it’s coming from waist-height, because his immediate urge is to attack it at once like a bird in a mirror.

“Well, this isn’t what I expected,” says Wallace Larson.

Arthur takes a step.

John reaches across his chest and grabs his arm, hard, like a physical restraint.

“Oh, the webs we weave when we practice to deceive,” says Larson, who sounds fine and dandy, if a little shorter than before.

Arthur, says John, evenly. He’s not alone. He’s strapped to a weird, short table, barely fitting into the alley, and his legs are jammed against the wall. And he’s not alone.

And because this wasn’t fraught enough, the next voice is identical.

Identical. But it isn’t John.

You! Murderer!

“Yellow?” says Arthur, shock stealing sound and sense from this moment, tingling through his body so his face feels numb.

Kayne bounces something light off the side of his head.

“What?” Arthur startles.

“Sorry, thought you’d open your mouth for it, like a baby bird. Popcorn?” Another one hits right under his eye.

“Stop it! What are you doing?”

It’s time for justice! Yellow declares.

Oh, shut the fuck up, John snarls.

Traitor! bellows Yellow.

And Larson starts to sing. Insultingly, it is a hymn.

“Bury my body,” Larson croons in a surprisingly pleasing baritone. “Lord, I don't care where they bury my body. Lord, I don't care where they bury my body, ‘cause my soul is gonna live with God.”

Arthur is going to kill him. The rest of this can sort itself out. He takes another step.

“Hold on there, boyo,” says Kayne in the Butcher’s accent, and takes Arthur’s hand. “You’ll need this.”

That is the handle of a knife. A knife, pressed into his right palm, which means Kayne wants him to do this, and that pours cold water all over the whole operation.

The handle burns, but Arthur ignores that.

Go ahead, says Yellow. You’re already a killer. I see it in your eyes. I know you, Arthur Lester!

This can’t be happening.

“It is, though,” whispers Kayne in his ear. “Looks like Little John didn’t tell you anything, did he? That’s a real foundation for trust.”

“What?” says Arthur, who feels stuck like a skipping record.

You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, says John.

I do. He confessed. He murdered that man and fucking ATE HIM.

He did that because of you! John roars at Yellow. You’re the one who put him in the pit! You’re the one who sent him the gods-damned cannibal! What did you want him to do, just sit back and be eaten?

“What?” says Arthur, weakly.

Because for Yellow to have done that means—

I did? says Yellow, sounding as confused as if he’d been thocked on his phantasmal head.

“Oh, oh, oh yeah,” sings Larson. 

Arthur needs a moment.

“I’m not leaving,” he snaps before anybody can yell at him, and turns to stand at the entrance to the alley, just breathing.

He’s very, very glad he had no alcohol with dinner tonight.

“I dunno, pal, it might’ve helped you out,” Kayne says.

“What is this?” says Arthur.

“Isn’t it clear? No, I suppose it’s not—guess good old Liz (or maybe Henry) redirected the blood from your brain to elsewhere. You’re here to kill your enemy, my boy! End the torment. Flip the switch. Bring that hammer down.”

Arthur swallows. He’s tasting metal again—a thing he’s noticed only happens when he’s on the verge of panic.

Which he is. He doesn’t know what’s going on.

Arthur, I can explain.

“Shhh,” says Kayne, and touches Arthur’s lips.

Arthur tries for him with the knife. 

Of course, it only hits brick, jarring his hand. “Ow,” he mutters. “Damn it!”

“He’ll get to explain it all after. For now, however, you, being the key in this situation, being fully entangled with him, and thus, his representative with a physical form, have a job to do.”

“What job? I haven’t agreed to—is this my favor? For killing those cultists?”

Kayne laughs. “No, you sweet thing. It’s his.”

“His?” Arthur’s voice is small.

I… Arthur, I…

Get back here! Coward! Yellow calls from the alleyway.

“I have questions,” says Arthur, but he honestly can’t think of one.

Kayne tsks at him. “I can see you’re in shock, you tender soul, you, so let’s make this simple. Do this, or John’s gone.”

“Gone?” Arthur’s voice cracks.

“Removed. Incised. Purged, if you will. It’s what he agreed to.”

“John?” says Arthur.

This is what you wanted him in New York for? John says, sounding incredulous.

Arthur’s brain has skipped parts of this conversation like it touched an electrical fault, and he blurts, “Yellow is the King in Yellow, isn’t he?”

Kayne laughs. “Wow, are you behind! They’re both the King in Yellow, my darling rose. Snippet, what have you been teaching him? What, nothing? Well, this is on you, then.”

Get back here! howls Yellow. We’re not finished!

“I said all right,” Larson starts singing again. “You know it's alright. It's alright, c'mon.”

And it calms Yellow. It calms the piece of the King in Yellow, the copy of John that Arthur betrayed, that Arthur ruined so badly that he’s refused to think about it because there’s no fixing what went wrong.

“You are correct on that one,” Kayne confirms. “This is fun, and all, but boys… you’re losing my patience. It’s time.”

Arthur finds himself walking back into the alley.

It’s easy to follow Larson’s voice. 

To follow the sweet-syrup sound of that most hated man, who is awfully damn calm about this, and that is the one thought that surfaces. “You’re awfully damn calm about this, Larson,” Arthur snarls.

“Of course I am, my boy. I’m about to enter immortality. Little hard not to face that with some sorta joy, given all I paid for it.”

“Paid for it!” Arthur’s voice breaks. “You didn't pay for it! Your daughter did!”

“So did yours,” says Larson, who shouldn’t know that, who must have been told by Kayne. “We both got to where we are through that most unfortunate necessity, didn't we?”

Murderer! Yellow declares.

Six months ago, that would have been it.

Arthur would have lost it. Gone feral, melted into violent goo, stabbed and tore and shouted until he was covered in gore, until Larson was unrecognizable, until the form could compete with Uncle for mess and mayhem and pulp in bad places.

Today, he pauses.

It’s not the same, says John, calm, because this is only for Arthur. You know it’s not. We’ve been over this.

He killed his daughter! says Yellow.

He made a mistake and she died—and what the fuck are you crowing about? Your guy sacrificed his on purpose! One’s an accident and the other isn't! Fuck, how stupid are you? Did I get all the intelligence, is that it?

What? says Yellow, again taken aback, again stuttered to a halt in the middle of rage.

Arthur realizes with a little gut-twist that Yellow is weirdly naive.

Gullible. That’s the word. He just accepts what anybody says in the moment, then applies that black and white, childish morality.

Yellow would not understand half the movies they’d seen of late.

Why? Why was this?

“Because he didn’t get to spend a month all alone, silly,” says Kayne. “Isn’t that neat? It’s all about godhood and nature versus nurture and all that kind of thing. If you’d been awake the whole time, your John would be even screwier than he is. It’s almost like your bad luck scratches the itch of some eager, chaotic observers. Anyway! What’s the hold up? That’s the guy who hurt you, Arty. That’s the guy who made your teeth loose. You really gonna hesitate now?”

That’s the guy means Yellow, not Larson, and this just got more complicated. “What happens to Yellow if I do this?” says Arthur, because he never asked that before, and he should have, and it’s probably too late, but that’s just how his life goes.

“Hm? Oh, he’ll die,” says Kayne.

John gasps.

Shit. “And what happens to John, then?” says Arthur.

“Heck if I know. This is all new territory, which is why I’m being so patient. Don’t want to miss a thing.”

“Lead me, Jesus, lead me,” sings Larson. “Why don't you lead me in the middle of the air, and if my wings should fail me, won't you provide me with another pair?”

“So you’re crackers,” says Arthur. “Barmy. Lost your damned mind. This isn’t Jesus. This is Kayne. He’s not going to do anything good for you.”

Kayne gasps. “Such ingratitude!” And he laughs. “Next, you’re going to say you don’t want your office filled with music boxes.”

Okay, that—

Okay.

Arthur needs another moment.

“You don’t get one,” Kayne whispers in his ear. “It’s time. John didn’t tell you, and I’m glad he didn’t, because you are fucking glorious this upset, but it’s time. Kill him.”

“Why?” whispers Arthur, and means so many things.

Kayne doesn’t bother to reply.

I… Arthur, I….

“Will you be all right, John?”

I don’t know.

Arthur grips the knife. Its burning leather handle creaks, and Arthur accepts the pain in his palm, because something this messy should not be easy.

Yellow gasps. You’re going to do it in cold blood?

“I’m sorry, Yellow,” says Arthur, because Yellow is not really the King in Yellow, any more than John is. “It seems I fucked up for you all over the place.”

You’re a killer. I don’t expect anything better from you.

He’s human, says John. He’s made mistakes, and stayed alive. Your guy’s no better.

Yellow seems stunned again. He’s not?

Larson laughs. “Little guy, it’s all right. This is where it was always going. Why do you think I had to get you to New York? You’re my final step. My sacrifice. Your death’ll elevate me, son. Mister Lester, I’m fully ready. Do the deed. Let’s get this over with. Then, when I’m ascended, and I’m a god, I’ll be sure to stop by and say hi.”

Arthur’s throat is tight. “He can’t be serious.”

“His deals aren’t for you to know,” says Kayne. “Also, you’re out of time.”

“Wait,” says Arthur.

“Say goodbye to John in three,” says Kayne.

“Wait!” says Arthur, who has an idea, who suddenly thinks—

“Two,” says Kayne. 

With a choked, miserable sound, Arthur cuts Larson’s throat.

But not with the knife Kayne gave him.

“Oh, foul!” Kayne cries. “Oh! Oh! Cheater!”

Andrew! says Yellow, sounding distraught. Andrew! No! No!

What did you do? says John.

“Improvised?” says Arthur, who has no idea what he’s done, except he had to save John, except the knife Kayne gave him was maybe special, except this complete guess was the only hope he had, and he’d only had time to stuff Kayne’s knife away and grab his own instead.

Larson gargles. He sounds like he’s trying to laugh.

Andrew! Yellow sobs it. Andrew! He doesn’t seem to be dying.

So it worked?

So Larson doesn’t get godhood?

Arthur’s hand is warm with blood. He doesn’t know what to do. He tries to clean that knife inside his jacket, where he hopes it won’t show.

Kayne sighs. Paces. 

Kayne punches the wall.

It’s a bad sound, cracking, crumbling. Something inside the building crashes down, and there are screams.

Arthur shakes.

“You know,” says Kayne. “I’ll give you this one. I’ll hand it to you. Didn’t predict it. That’s awful rare. So I’m really pissed at you, and you’ll feel that soon enough—but I can appreciate a good scam.”

“I didn’t pull a scam,” Arthur says, quieter, because Yellow has begun to sob.

It is an ugly sound, wretched, utterly unselfconscious.

He’s doing that because Larson is dead.

It doesn’t feel good. None of this does. Arthur isn’t the same as he was in Addison. “I’m sorry,” he says.

Yellow doesn’t stop crying long enough to answer.

Kayne shoves him suddenly, bruisingly, against the wall. “I am… really… mad at you. I won’t get to pull an experiment like this again for who knows how the fuck long. But… that was the deal. You did the deed. Technically, you’re off the hook. But you, Arthur—you still owe me a favor.”

“I won’t kill Yellow,” Arthur says.

Arthur!

Arthur takes Kayne’s knife back out of his pocket and throws it down, and the clang it makes in the alley is weird, wrong, otherworldly. “I won’t. I’ve done enough to him! Fuck you, I—”

He chokes.

There is a fist is in his throat, impossibly swelling, knuckles distending, expanding, distorting, threatening to tear him from the inside. Can’t swallow around it. Can’t—

It stops. 

Arthur gasps, ragged.

“Better idea,” says Kayne, and suddenly, Yellow’s sobbing is inside his head.

“John!” Arthur manages, gagging, terrified John was swapped into the dead man’s body.

I’m here! I—what the fuck?

Leave me alone! Yellow howls.

They’re both in there, equally loud, equally growly, and it’s too much, there is a weight to the fulness of an eldritch god in his brain, and his own soul feels pinched and battered and stepped on, and he can’t breathe, and—

“This should be fun,” he hears Kayne say, and then he passes out.

#

The arguing is what wakes him.

That doesn’t matter. I don’t care.

Then you’re a hypocrite of the highest order, John snarls.

What does that make you?

Look, you moron, just calling me things doesn’t make it—Arthur! The change in tone is remarkable. Arthur—are you all right? Talk to me, Arthur.

The sharp concern in John’s voice—tenderness mixed with violence, crafted for him.

Arthur recalls Yellow weeping over Larson, and he aches for him, and wonders if his own inner compass has gotten even more broken over the last day. “I’m… I’m here. Fuck, I sound strangled.”

He does. Haggard, raspy. 

Larson could out-sing him at this very moment, and he won’t be able to sing to calm Yellow for a while, and that is such an odd thought to have that Arthur’s face burns, and he rolls over to press it into the cool pillow.

Wait. Pillow?

Lucky, says Yellow, low and bitter. Yours woke up.

I told you he would. He’s remarkable.

Andrew was remarkable.

Wallace Larson was a motherfucking cheat who traded children and people’s lives all the time to seem interesting. Arthur does it all on his own.

Arthur feels not all on his own a little too much, right now. “Yellow.”

What? says the new voice, and the tone is fearful, and challenging, and tight.

Is he doing this?

He’s doing this.

Arthur already decided he’s doing this, and he may be many things, but he doesn’t easily change his mind. “I’m sorry.”

Both the voices in his head are still for a moment.

What? they say together.

“I’m sorry. I met you when I was… I was at the worst of myself. I lied to you, and tried to control you, because I was so afraid of losing you again. Losing… John again. Kayne told me you were him, and I thought… you know, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I fucked up, Yellow. I’m sorry.” It feels weak. “That’s all.”

There is a trembling inside, a non-corporeal shaking that feels like maybe the fault line has been transplanted into him.

How dare you? Yellow says.

I told you so, says John.

How dare you lie to me! You just murdered my… you killed him!

Arthur sighs. “I did. I wasn’t letting John get taken. No matter what shape I’m in, that’s… just how it’s going to be.”

That trembling again.

Larson was ready to sacrifice you, like I said—but you’re safe now, says John to Yellow, which Arthur did not expect. You’re me. He won’t hurt you.

That’s more faith in Arthur than Arthur has for himself.

I’m not you. We can’t even merge, Yellow says.

“You can’t?” says Arthur, who’d forgotten that was a thing until this moment.

No. We… we’ve both changed too much. We can’t.

There is sorrow in John’s voice, deep and aching, a finality that communicates loss Arthur can’t fully comprehend.

It’s a farewell to a thing Arthur cannot even imagine needing.

He has no idea how to engage with it, so he goes for familiar ground. Not a poem, but the movie they just saw—a way to say, I love you, without saying those words. “‘You choose me, Cleopatra, against the world,’” he says.

John practically surges to respond. ‘Then we'll meet it! We'll smash it to pieces, put it together again and call it ours!’

Yellow is, understandably, confused. You’re going to smash the world?

“No, we… no. It’s a movie.”

What’s a movie?

John scoffs. Your asshole of a guy didn’t even take you to see a movie? We’ve seen six in just a few months!

But what is one? I want to see one! What is it?

Arthur is not going to see a movie right now. He feels like his head weighs a thousand pounds. “How did I get to a bed? Did Kayne bring me here?”

There is a distinctly guilty pause. So, says John. When you’re fully unconscious, uh. We. Um.

We have control of your hideous form, Yellow informs him. You’re in your hotel room.

“What? Wait, what?” Arthur sits up. He feels the same. Blind, left hand and foot numb. Head too heavy, but—“What?”

When you’re unconscious, repeats John, we have control. So we got you out of there, because there’s a dead body, and we don’t need to face the police again.

Cowards, both of you, says Yellow.

Maybe he should take Yellow to see some morality plays before the movies, or something. “Where’s the knife? It had my fingerprints.”

Fucking Kayne took it back. It was weird, Arthur. I’m glad you couldn’t see it. Even with me looking through your eyes, they bled.

Arthur stiffens and reaches up. Sure enough, there are dried tracks of blood from his eyes down his neck. “Fuck. Can you see?”

Yes. You seem all right. Just… that knife was bad.

Why—Yellow stops.

“Why what?”

Why didn’t you use it?

Arthur’s not sure he’s in any shape to verbalize this. “What I did to you before wasn’t right. What Larson was doing to you now wasn’t right. It’s time someone didn’t do the wrong thing by you, is all.”

Silence in response.

Whatever that means.

Arthur stands, shaky as a newborn lamb, and feels his way to the bathroom. He strips as he goes, dropping clothing in a trail.

Is it time for a rite? says Yellow, oddly hopeful.

Rite?

He’s naked.

So?

This is too weird, and Arthur does not engage. He turns on the shower. 

But… humans get naked for rites.

John scoffs. He told you that? What the fuck?

They don’t get naked for rites? Yellow sounds lost again.

“So what you’re telling me is fucking Larson never washed his arse,” Arthur mutters, and John laughs.

Don’t you know anything about humans? says John then, disgusted.

Of course I do! More than you!

They are clearly going to be at this for a while.

Arthur lets them, hoping they tire themselves out.

He’s scraped from the bricks in the alley. Bruised from Kayne’s manhandling, and, he thinks, inside his throat. His right hand, disturbingly, seems to have been slightly burned where he held that weird knife. He can’t be sure, but he thinks he’s lost his fingerprints.

But he’s okay. He made it.

He always makes it.

And for the first time in his life, weirdly, he feels like he might have a second chance at something he truly fucked up.

They’re still fighting about naked humans. It’s obviously a cleansing rite!

You’re a moron!

“Yellow,” says Arthur. “I’m sorry you lost your person. He was a monster, but… I get it, and I’m sorry. Good, bad—they don’t matter when there’s grief.”

Another trembling pause as the steam rises, and Arthur washes away the blood, the sweat, the dubious stickiness he finds where Kayne grabbed him through his suit jacket.

I… didn’t like it, says Yellow, soft.

“I know. I think we’ve all… we’ve all gone through some loss here, through no fault of our own.”

Don’t tell me you feel bad for taking that fucker out, says John. You’ve been wanting him dead for months.

Arthur knows clarification is needed, and it is the hardest thing to do, but he has to make this second chance count. “Since I learned he sacrificed his daughter for power, yes. It made me think of losing my little girl, and though that was… that was an accident, I couldn’t… imagine someone doing it on purpose. I went a little insane.”

A little? scoffs John.

“A lot insane, then. Still. Yellow wouldn’t have landed in him at all if I hadn’t been such an ass.”

Actually, says John. About that.

Arthur has been thinking. “You made a deal with Kayne.”

I… yes.

Why? says Yellow.

To get back to Arthur.

Why? Yellow says.

He’s mine, says John.

“And, what? It was just about getting me to New York?”

Yes. He said if I did that, I could stay in you. He even hinted he might give me a body, if I paid his debt right, though it wasn’t… worded clearly. If I failed, and couldn’t get you to New York, I’d… I’d go back to the Dark World. But then we were here, and nothing happened, and I… I sort of hoped he’d forgotten.

“You could’ve told me.” It hurts a little. More than a little.

I’m sorry.

Arthur sighs. “I forgive you. We made it through. Just tell me anything else like that, all right?”

I will. I promise.

Yellow is quiet. 

Arthur has no idea how this conversation might stack up against whatever else Yellow has heard.

He dries off and limps back to the bed, where he falls face-first into the pillow. “No joyrides while I’m out. I need rest.”

You adapted to that news pretty quickly, says John, suspicious.

“I have not adapted at all. I’m simply too damn tired to engage with it right now. Tomorrow, I’ll have a proper panic over it, but for the next few hours, I mean it. No joyrides.”

Fine. No joyrides.

But what if we—

We promised. No joyrides.

I didn’t promise, Yellow grouses.

I did, and we are both the King in Yellow, and that’s our word. Shut up.

They are never going to stop.

Weirdly… it’s not that hard to tune them out.

It reminds Arthur of the strangest thing: those noisy, chaotic, wonderful days when Faroe’s “friends”—really just toddlers her age, in the neighborhood—came over, and everybody was yelling and squealing and laughing and demanding, and all the other parents (mothers, they were all mothers, and Arthur never fit in) clustered like chortling geese to add to the ruckus.

And it shouldn’t have been peaceful, but it was.

It shouldn’t have been the kind of noise he could sink into, but it was.

Why this is like that, Arthur doesn’t know.

Maybe he doesn’t need to know.

For some reason, John is now telling Yellow the plot of The Thirty-Day Princess. And then the Baron said, ‘We are on a wild goose egg!’

Yellow laughs.

Is it safe, to leave them unmonitored like this?

Then again, maybe they need it.

Arthur certainly needs it.

He has no idea what to do with this. He has no idea if he can keep them both in there. His skull feels oddly… strained.

But now, right now, he needs sleep.

John promised no joyrides. (Arthur will deal with that horror tomorrow.)

John’s promise, in spite of today’s unpleasant surprise, is good enough.

Yellow’s grief is real. That’s going to take time to navigate. Arthur feels he owes that much.

So… is everyone safe now? At least until Kayne returns?

Maybe.

Arthur doesn’t know how this works, and he’s no longer arrogant enough to assume he ever will.

Maybe he doesn’t have to know.

Maybe it’s enough to survive, and listen, and forgive, and try to make up for mistakes.

To take his chance to make up for one, and hold it with all his heart.

Arthur drifts off to the sound of John’s attempt at a Ruritanian accent.

Maybe it really is coming up roses, after all.

--------

NOTES

Of course, I had to do ridiculous research for this so it would all be accurate.

It's part of my self-indulgence. Hush.

Dancing Lady on Wikipedia, and you get to see the scene that made poor Arthur hot and bothered right here on YouTube.

Death Takes a Holiday is on YouTube in terrible resolution here, BUT if you skip to 1:04:44, you get to see where Grazia chooses to go with Death.

The romp that is Jimmy the Gent. The quip about ethics and carbunkles is right here, at 1:25.

The Thirty Day Princess was hard to track down, but I found a solid review of it, a clip of the Ruritanian accent, and of course, Bing Crosby's She Reminds Me of You.

The Barretts of Wimpole Street, including that DEEPLY uncomfortable clip where the father seems to think all sex is evil, then gets weirdly handsy with his daughter. Yowza.

Oh, Cleopatra... they don't make movies like this anymore. On. Your. Knees.

As for Yellow... well, I saw how he responded to Larson at the end of 28. He just... accepted whatever Larson said - weirdly innocent about it, which made Larson even creepier to me. I sort of figured without a chance to reset and think (like John had during the coma), he wouldn't be able to grow the same way.

The hymn Larson was singing, My Soul is Gonna Live With God. In your dreams, asshole.

[threepatchpodcast]

TPP Episode 146: A Study in Fic - "Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma" Part 2

NEW EPISODE! Our very special "Study in Fic" series continues, where we give Good Omens fic, "Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma" the book club treatment. Join long-time fans of this fic, @foxestacado and Charles, re-read this fic with first-time readers, Sofia and Topher, and discuss chapters 5-10.

LISTEN at: https://three-patch.com/2024/01/18/episode-146/

Missed our discussion of Chapters 1-4? Listen here! https://three-patch.com/2023/10/11/episode-145/

[flowery-laser-blasts]

My not so serious KP villain headcanons:

Personal headcanons that I have for the Kim Possible villains (not all of them). Long post.

Shego loves horror movies and podcasts and once scared the living hell out of Drakken after watching Ringu. She hid under the bed and once he almost drifted off to sleep, she reached from underneath to grab his hand and reveal her with hair covered face.

Shego hates cooking and rather orders take out than go through the effort of prepairing meals. The worst part is cleaning up dishes.

Shego can warm/radiate heat through her hands with her powers in a non-harmfull way. This comes in handy when massaging Dr D's stiff shoulders.

Shego's favourite chickflick is Legally Blonde. She showed it to Drakken once, he too, likes it. Now after every defeat they watch this movie while patching themselves up.

Dr Drakken loves British comedy such as Monty Python, the Mighty Boosh and Little Britain. He often quotes their jokes.

Dr Drakken has a complex bedtime skin care routine that he never skips and follows to a T. Though he only does it before bed, so if he stays awake for several days in a row, he won't do it until actually going to bed.

Dr Drakken actually plucks away stray hairs around his eyebrow to keep the look 'clean' and 'on fleek'.

Dr Drakken's shampoo smells of Lush' sugarplum fairy bodyspray.

Dr Drakken always sings the Mighty Boosh' 'Soup Song' when preparing soup. His secret ingredient to his vegetable soup with mini meatballs is tiny elbow macaroni.

Dr Drakken's 'take over the world by plants' scheme was stolen/inspired from Duff Killigan's failed attempt at turning the world into a golfcourse when the two were over at his place to discuss plans on the Tempes Simia idle and Monkey Fist was away to use the restroom.

Duff Killigan has one of those 'golf-on-your-toilet' golf sets in each restroom/bathroom.

Duff Killigan's favourite Disney movie is Brave, but more so because of the mother daughter bonding aspect of the story. He's a sucker for those kinds of movies.

Monkey Fist loves Shakespeare's works solely because of the infinite monkey theorem.

Monkey Fist has an incredible hatered towards the song "Banana Man" by Tally Hall and 'Day-O' by Harry Belafonte. It's an earworm that never leaves within a day and makes the monkey ninjas dance uncontrollably.

Monkey Fist takes extremely good care of personal hygiene and regularly cuts his nails.

Adrena Lynn's actual name is Adrien.

Adrena Lynn called out the Jackass cast for being fakes.

Adrena Lynn's favourite non extreme sport is table tennis.

Adrena Lynn started the 'girl dinner' tend.

Gill's favourite animals are sharks.

Gill bullied Ron because he wanted to look cooler in front of other camp kids. At his school, he would be the one being bullied.

Gill actually didn't dislike Ron at first but it changed when Ron grabbed an extra (and the last) chocolate pudding cup during dinner on their first day of camp.

Professor Dementor shines his helmet with a hand held waxing device, he never takes it off though.

Professor Dementor's favorite snack is caramel seasalt pretzels.

Professor Dementor wanted to become a children's book writer when growing up.

Dr Drakken, Monkey Fist and Duff Killigan play Dungeons&Dragons. Monkey Fist DMs most of the time, second is Drakken; Duff never DMs. The big bad evil guy is Kim Possible but they almost lose every campaign except for the rare occasion in which the BBEG dies due to accidental environmental circumstances out of their hands. They tried to replicate it irl but where do you find a giant dragon, three gnomes an enchanted blueberry pie and a catapult?

Motor Ed uses WD-40 for his hair instead of conditioner, seriously.

Motor Ed is a diehard Meatloaf fan (the artist, not the food).

Motor Ed despises Meatloaf (the food, not the artist).

Frugal Lucre loves pineapple pizza with extra ham

Frugle Lucre's arch enemy is Kim's cousin Larry.

Frugal Lucre collected cuddlebuddies but his mom threw them out because "you're too old for these toys, so I gave them away to your niece Pamela for her baby room" and that's his villain origin story.

Frugal Lucre has a Dr Drakken cosplay that he sometimes wears to (Hench co.) conventions (inspired by @gothicthundra 's Halloween chapter)

DNAmy's biggest inspiration for fashion is Velma Dinkley from the Scooby Doo franchise.

DNAmy hates Tom and Jerry because it promotes 'violence'.

DNAmy actually is pretty chill and wouldn't mind Kim Possible's company as long as Kim apologises for destroying her work. Kim is a fellow cuddlebuddy collector after all.

After Monkey Fist turned into stone, DNAmy tried reviving him. It didn't work out. She eventually moved on and started dating Frugal Lucre. They're in a happy committed relationship now.

The Bebe bots have their own reality show in Japan and are content with the attention and admiration from fans. They were offered a contact as idol group but they denied it because they didn't want to collaborate with Hatsune Miku.

Señior Senior Junior became a top model and worked with the fashionistas but when they got arrested again, SSJ used his privilege to continue his career.

With the help of Bonnie, Señior Senior Junior wrote an autobiography about his life under the influence of his father. It's titled "I didn't want to be a criminal, but Daddy made me do it." And it is said to become an autobiographical movie (but once again, Junior can't star in it).

Señior Senior Junior and Bonnie got married after Bonnie graduated from college.

Señior Senior Junior loves My little Pony friendship is magic and writes wholesome fanfiction. He likes PinkPie because she likes to party. He also realises that a lot of his youth is missed out on because of his father's wealth. He is semi thankful for villainy because it introduced him to Shego and their friendship. He tried making her watch it but she didn't seem into it.

Señior Senior Senior could actually give up villainy for his future grandchildren. This was Bonnie's initiative, because she doesn't want her kids to grow up around inmates and prisoners.

That's it for now, if I've got more I'll add it here!!

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

Sunny podcast is back after hiatus!

So many things were teased in this episode and we heard about some scenes that were never aired or featured on the DVDs!

Featuring...

Charlie on piano

Sun-damaged Glenn back from Hawaii

Complaining about 80s comedies, Three Amigos and Paramount+

Discussions about what works in film comedies from the '70s to early '00s and how sketches function differently

Brief talk of Mac's mommy issues

Episode chat

Premise of the episode came from Glenn watching "Intervention", a popular reality tv show at the time and discussing it in the writers' room, leading to Rob Rosell wondering what the difference between an intervention and a roast was

Gail the Snail was created as a pair with a brother Not Quite Right Robin, who was never introduced, as the Garbage Pail cousins in contrast to Dennis and Dee, the Cabbage Patch kids

Mary Lynn R was cast without an audition because she was a friend and she developed the character of Gail with rcg's notes in an unaired deleted scene shot opposite Frank at Guigino's before the funeral of Uncle Max

Nora Dunn who played Aunt Donna might have been unhappy when she came on set and realized how cheap and low-quality the show was

Marder and Rosell came up with all the insane quotes and concepts like nightcrawlers while writing this episode

Glenn and Charlie couldn't keep it together while filming the scene where Dennis writes Charlie's intervention letter to Frank but these outtakes didn't make it into the bloopers so we don't get to see

RCG were probably responsible for the idea that Dennis and Dee blame Gail the Snail "for making them salt her" (which is not a good feeling she's making them have)

They've previously mentioned the story of the reporter on location in Philly when Frank is doing his beer volcano bit, but in this ep they added that Danny got into an argument with her on live tv

Frank's volcano eruption was a nightmare for wardrobe and continuity because his beer gurgling was unscripted

[Talking about their shitty cameras] "We've destroyed our careers by presenting ourselves as clowns on videotape."

Season 16 teases

Confirmed that The Gang Goes Bowling was directed by Meg and shot in three days + one scene

It was a difficult shoot because of the number of side characters and continuity troubles during bowling, especially block shooting

There's a slow motion sequence in the episode which might have to be degraded to fit in with the rest of the show

Some colour grading/correction will have to be done on the s16 footage, which they usually never do, because they look red

Glenn was away for the first week of editing since he was at SXSW, sick and then on break in Hawaii, but he's back in now with his fresh pair of eyes

Charlie wants to add grain to the picture to dirty it up for the modern tvs and automotion plus

Return of a character from season 1 who fans have been asking about. Implied that the character was potentially dropped and hasn't appeared since season 1. Charlie's sister is the most obvious choice.

Other options include Mac's other gay cousin, any of the kids and teenagers from Abortion or Underage Drinking and Nikki Potnick, though she was mentioned again in season 7

Upcoming projects

Scott Marder and Rob Rosell are coming on for the S5E10 pod!

Glenn Howerton double feature on May 12 with Blackberry and Charlie's film Fool's Paradise.

Charlie only had Glenn in the movie until he did reshoots when he added a lot of Sunny cast. He offered Rob a role but he was busy. David Hornsby is also in it (not seen in the trailer).

IASIP season 16 is coming out in June.

In the meantime, RCG say to watch Succession and Tommy Boy.

[theycallmebecca]

For your Autumn prompts- a character (I’m thinking Frank or Curtis would be fun!) of your choosing doesn’t “get” the magic of Autumn/Fall- but after participating in a typical Autumn activity (Fall Festival/haunted house/carving pumpkins/apple picking/a scare crow making contest/scary movie marathon) they get it and it’s a cute fluffy ending 🥺🧡

If this drabble had a theme song it would be Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero, specifically the line 'Hi, I'm the problem, it's me' because I literally started writing this drabble the day I got this request back on the 18th and the ending eluded me until today...

Never the less, I have prevailed! And I bring you some Frank Adler grumpiness.

Title: New Traditions

Pairing: Frank Adler x reader

Rating: PG

Warnings: n/a

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Usage Disclaimer: This work is for fans only. This author does not give permission for it to be shared, spoken of, referred to in any public manner (podcast, tv, online, etc.) that wants to either make a celebrity uncomfortable, mock fan fiction/fandom in any way, or the author themselves. Requests can be made, but it is unlikely the author will change their mind. If no response is given to a request then the answer is a solid no, not interested and the work cannot be shared, spoken of or even referred to, regardless of the manner or context. 

"What do you mean you think fall is overrated?” You stared at your boyfriend in shock.

“The colors are nice, I guess,” Frank Adler replied with a shrug. “But I don’t get the fuss.”

You blinked and shook your head in disbelief. You opened your mouth to remind him that he’d grown up in fucking New England, one of the most picturesque places in the entire fucking world to experience fall and then shut it when you remembered why the two of you were even in New England in October.

Mary’s monthly weekend with her grandmother.

You bit your tongue to keep from saying anything about Frank’s mother and tried to mask your face, but you could see Frank’s lips twitch as he tried to fight smiling himself.

“It’s ok, you can call her a bitch if you want to,” Frank said with a grin. “I’ve said worse. To her face.”

“I will not stoop to her level,” you said, pulling your shoulders back. “I’m just glad I’m part of yours and Mary’s lives now and can help you both experience the parts of life that were kept from you.”

“Like what?” Frank asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

“Experiencing fall the way it’s fucking meant to be spent!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands up. “Pumpkin patches, hayrides, corn mazes, just everything that makes fall fun!”

Frank gave you a look that said he wasn’t convinced.

“Trust me, by the time I’m done showing you and Mary everything you’ve missed, you’ll be begging me to show you more and, not only that, but making a huge weekend of it every single year,”  you promised.

With Mary busy with her grandmother for the weekend, you and Frank went to a local haunted house and then watched a couple scary movies. While he refused to admit he was enjoying himself, you could tell that he was.

By the time you guys were back in Florida, Mary was on board for experiencing a true fall and you knew that would seal the deal for Frank. If there was anything that made your grumpy boyfriend happy, it was seeing his niece enjoying her childhood, something that both he and her mother had missed out on.

You spent the week planning a weekend full of fall-related fun for the three of you, some of which you shared with Frank and Mary, but other parts you decided to keep as a surprise.

When the weekend finally arrived, the three of you got up early and headed out for the first day of fun. You’d found a farm not too far away that had an actual pumpkin patch as well as hayrides, a corn maze, and a farm store.

Just as you had expected, it was an instant hit for Mary. It was a harder sell for your grumpy boyfriend, but, eventually, even he was enjoying himself, though you weren’t sure if it was because he’d gotten into the fall celebration or if it was just because he was happy that Mary was happy.

By the end of that first day, you knew that you’d just stated a new, annual, family tradition.

[sassyfrassboss]

Former sound engineer here: it’s not actually that weird for producers to conduct interviews and have them woven in through the rest of the podcast, but it IS weird to try to make them all sound like coherent conversations because you can’t fake that, and podcasts rise and fall based on the chemistry you create. We do patches all the time, especially if both parties are busy and not local. The problem is that we KNOW Meghan isn’t busy; if she were, she would have put out more than 12 eps in three years. There is no way they got a return on their investment and you can’t spin this to make them look good because there’s simply no excuse for signing multimillion dollar contracts you fail to deliver on while you’re simultaneously doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you!

So does this explain why her interviews weren't video-recorded?

You are so right though! She was being followed around by Netflix but she had two years to come up with great content and 12 episodes on garbage was all she could manage. I love how she also used her pregnancy and maternity leave as an excuse. Even though she had a nanny.

[passionateseadruid]

update

We have a name for my “Alastor adopts a podcast Demon and ASMR demon” AU… Acoustic Affections

also I want to draw them digitally but I don’t have an app to use. So for now I’ll just have to use my sketchbook. If anyone has any recommendations for apps I can use please comment.

Just one more thing, I would like to talk about some of the dynamics Asha and Aiza have with the rest of the cast.

The hotel:

I’ve already talked about their relationships with Alastor. So I’ll skip him.

Charlie: I see Asha being appreciative of Charlie and she definitely looks up to her. Aiza respects her because of Asha. I wouldn’t exactly say Charlie is a motherly figure to them. But she’s not exactly an older sister or aunt figure either.

Vaggie: She hates them. Aiza looks up to Alastor whom we all know Vaggie despises. And as far as she’s concerned Asha is trying to take Charlie away.

Angel: They both adore Angel. Aiza and Angel definitely have a more casual relationship, drinking and gossiping. But Asha has a bit of a deeper connection. I don’t know exactly how she managed to get him to open up. Maybe she took care of Fat Nuggets when the piggy wiggled out of Angels room. Maybe she saw a bruise or a cut on him that Valentino left and she patched him up.

Husker: Aiza loves him because he has booze and gossip about everyone around the hotel, though Husk won’t admit it, it does feel nice to vent his frustrations to her. Asha enjoys playing card games with him but their friendship doesn’t really go any deeper, she’s always a good sport about loosing though.

Nifty: Freaks Asha out. Aiza adores her though. The podcaster was into all things ghoulish and creepy so her and Nifty are like two peas in a pod.

I have no clue if they come to the hotel before or after Pentious’ death/redemption

(I’m adding Luci just because I can and I feel like he’ll have a bigger role in season 2): The three do not see eye to eye. I can’t exactly tell you guys why they don’t like him because it gets into spoiler territory but I can say this; he doesn’t like them because he’s jealous that they’re immediately on good terms with Alastor after he took them in. He’s less mad at them and more angry at Alastor for having parenting come so easily to him when he’s been trying so hard with Charlie.

The Vees:

Vox: Al and Vox’s rivalry is very well known. Aiza takes on Al’s disdain for Vox because of two reasons. A. Alastor’s disdain. And B. Because Asha has a bit of a school girl crush on Vox.

Velvette: Aiza finds Velvette’s designs to be a tacky. Velvette once called Aiza pathetic for trying to emulate Alastor and the two have been trying to one up each other. Though it is very one sided on Aiza’s part. I truly don’t think Velvette cares about her unless they are within 5 feet of each other.

Valentino: Asha and Valentino were kind of thrown together to tie a nice little bow on the Rivalries but nonetheless they do not get along. Because of Asha’s feelings about Vox and her relationship with the other residents of the hotel (Angel) she despises Valentino. These two are really only fighting when they are with their respective teams though. The hate is real but they will go out of their way to avoid each other. Mostly because Val thinks Asha is a prude and a waste of time and Asha doesn’t want to bring attention to herself.

And that’s all for now.

[historicalfightingguide]

A longform video on how to fence with a rapier, based on Bryant and Anthony of Austin Historical Weapons Guild's interpretations.

"⸺

chapters

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

0:00 - intro

1:00 - salvator fabris and how the rapier came to be used

4:25 - the anatomy of the sword

7:46 - stance

12:06 - movement

21:08 - positioning the hand and orienting the sword

24:17 - rule 1: smooth advance and follow-through

25:17 - rule 2: square up and control incoming attacks

28:21 - rule 3: approach from just outside the opponent's line

35:01 - rule 4: lean into the foot that takes you to larga

39:38 - rule 5: not found

39:58 - rule 6: use rule 2 to gain advantage

43:11 - bryant and anthony face off against each other

46:01 - brian and jason fight each other"

If you want to learn more about how to use a rapier check out all the videos in Martin Fabians great video series on rapier fencing as well as  Rapierists group on facebook and the Wiktenauer section on rapiers and the rapier tag on this blog.

Or this older post on solo drilling with a rappier.

Or this recent post on various rapier grips.

Or any of the ‘the sword guy’ podcast episodes on the topic of rapier.

For anyone who hasn’t yet seen the following links:

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Some advice on how to start studying the sources generally can be found in these older posts

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Remember to check out  A Guide to Starting a Liberation Martial Arts Gym as it may help with your own club/gym/dojo/school culture and approach.Check out their curriculum too.

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Fear is the Mind Killer: How to Build a Training Culture that Fosters Strength and Resilience by   Kajetan Sadowski   may be relevant as well.

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“How We Learn to Move: A Revolution in the Way We Coach & Practice Sports Skills”  by Rob Gray  as well as this post that goes over the basics of his constraints lead, ecological approach.

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Another useful book to check out is  The Theory and Practice of Historical European Martial Arts (while about HEMA, a lot of it is applicable to other historical martial arts clubs dealing with research and recreation of old fighting systems).

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Trauma informed coaching and why it matters

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Look at the previous posts in relation to running and cardio to learn how that relates to historical fencing.

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Why having a systematic approach to training can be beneficial

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Why we may not want one attack 10 000 times, nor 10 000 attacks done once, but a third option.

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How consent and opting in function and why it matters.

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More on tactics in fencing

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Types of fencers

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Open vs closed skills

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The three primary factors to safety within historical fencing

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Worth checking out are this blogs tags on pedagogy and teaching for other related useful posts.

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And if you train any weapon based form of historical fencing check out the ‘HEMA game archive’ where you can find a plethora of different drills, focused sparring and game options to use for effective, useful and fun training.

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Check out the cool hemabookshelf facsimile project.

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For more on how to use youtube content for learning historical fencing I suggest checking out these older posts on the concept of video study of sparring and tournament footage.

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The provoker-taker-hitter tactical concept and its uses

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Approaches to goals and methodology in historical fencing

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A short article on why learning about other sports and activities can benefit folks in combat sports

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Consider getting some patches of this sort or these cool rashguards to show support for good causes or a t-shirt like to send a good message while at training.