#timeblindness

[krakenartificer]

My 10-minute break took half an hour, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know about how may day is going

[tunashei]

Rambling: Time, ADHD, depression, and dreams

I have a complicated relationship with time.

I'm timeblind, which means I can't sense the passing of time the way neurotypicals can. For me, time really is relative, and more often than not moving way too fast for me to process. It's like I'm living in fast forward - the present barely exists, and the past is largely forgotten. Something that's happened to me could have happened yesterday, last month, or years ago, it all feels the same. My memories are a jumble of experiences with no set time period.

The world is overwhelming for me. It's panic inducing to realise months have gone by without you noticing, without making any memories of them. Even though I know it's ingrained in my brain, I often feel like if the world could just stop moving for a few moments and let me catch my breath maybe I'd keep up this time. But everything keeps moving and I keep trailing the edges.

And when I am in the present, I can't help but live in the future. I try to enjoy the moment but I'm too aware that soon I'll be doing something else. Trying to savour a moment is...difficult. I've tried meditation but my brain simply never shuts up - the closest I can get is being semi-hypnotised watching birds swoop about. And the problem of being so distracted that you stop thinking, is that then time moves instantaneously.

What I really want is for time to not exist. This seems impossible at first, but I have experienced it. Time does not exist in dreams. Of course you wake up, of course events change in dreams. But you can't feel time. My timeblindness means I can't measure the passing of time well, but I still experience time. Not in dreams. In dreams there are no thoughts of this ending, you are as present as it is possible to be.

I had this dream. I was hanging out with my sister, we we're exploring enemy territory - not in a dangerous way, more in a 'we're somewhere we're not supposed to be and that's exciting', we knew we wouldn't be caught. We sat on a cliffside and watched an immense river/lake below us, pointing out the fantastical animals we saw. Dragonflies that left light trails. Water birds with glowing purple and gold striations on their wings. Immense fish seen only by their shadows and the light glinting off their backs. Too many to describe. And time didn't exist. A perfect moment, my favourite thing to do in the world, made more amazing by the limitlessness of the mind, and it lasted forever.

I wish I could capture that freedom when awake. I wish I could believe that this moment, sitting on the twisted fallen tree under dappled sunlight with you, would never end. That there is no outside world demanding we come back to. No goals, no plans, simply existing. I wish I could live in a painting, or photo, or endless gif. I wish for serenity.

Time is relative. An hour of pain feels endless, an hour with a pretty girl feels over before you've even caught your breath. If time is my perception, why shouldn't I bend that to my will? If I can 'time travel' by thinking of a future when this task is done, and in the future/present thinking back to it once it's over. If I can live my life in fast forward. Why shouldn't I be able to 'stop time'?

It is like a magic eye puzzle. I just have to find the right mindset.

[3numero]

After 6 years

What the hell had happened?

I'd realised that i was trying to walk on a rope of reality while hang(ing) on to (a) dream-s. Now...

[the-eccentric-eclectic]

There are two days in the week. Tuesdays, when I have a class, and Saturdays, when I have to work. The rest is Void.

[alwaysgloaming]

ADHD time blindness is so odd. I say, as someone with such severe ADHD that a psych legit dropped mask and asked me how I was so normal (hint: I’m not).

Frex, days, weeks, months pass so quickly. I always feel like the work day has slipped through my fingers like water, my evenings are over in an eyeblink, and I’m almost always stressed by regular annual occurrences like holidays and tax season WEEKS in advance. Sometimes months. And yet when the date arrives it feels like it’s already over and the emotional recovery after feels incomplete because I need to start worrying about the next looming time gated thing. However this morning? I blinked surprisedly when I noticed how much time had passed from the moment that I glanced at my phone when exiting the shower to being fully dressed, shaved, moisturized and conditioned and sitting at my desk. It was two minutes. TWO.

Physically HOW, self!?

The world, and I, may never know.

[jonitadavisposts]

ADHD time blindness looks like.... Camping out at the @chilis across the street from the theater because I arrived at 5:30 for a 7:00 screening. I'm too early or just late. So I always bring something to do. This is a new fiction novel that I started recently. It pairs nicely with wings😁🤤 #adhd #timeblindness #neverontime #newfiction #wip. @searchingmovie https://www.instagram.com/p/CnVmuJErT2B/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[aadhdjournal]

Too much structure

Already before I was diagnosed with ADHD I had started structuring my life around the career I wish I had. Mostly because, try as I might, I could never seem to get there. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD during covid, and though I had work, getting a job I like became even more difficult. So I would work harder. Until the point the point where I burnt out a couple of months back. Still trying to get over that. Structure really helps me get certain types of work done, but the constant feeling of never doing enough, never being good enough, pushed it over the edge. To the point that if I do not work, I get anxious. If I do not do well enough, I get frustrated... Then anxious. Structure helps. But too much of it is debilitating. It makes it so that the days feel like they drain away. Ever faster. Everything is just chunks of time that slips through my grasp and I end up feeling caged. I need structure. But I also need time and days that are not structured. Not planned. I need an attitude change. But how to go about it in a society where there is constantly something which needs to be done. Always. Something?

[saiiboat]

its so crazy how forgetting to eat will make you feel bad

[queerstake]

Happy New Year, Queerstake!

Happy 2024! I'm excited to jump into this new year with everyone and I hope we can all continue to build our community and uplift each other! In the interest of fostering the study of queer theology and coming together to support each other, I thought it might be fun if we took advantage of Come Follow Me this year and took some time each week to study the Book of Mormon together with an eye for our unique experiences as queer Mormons.

I'm excited to hear back from you all!

-Logan

[fries-n-knives]

So Alone (No You're Not)

by @the-random-phan

[AO3 || FFN]

For @invisobang

“We really are all made for eachother,” Sam remarked. They all fell into Danny’s bed, still chuckling. The sentiment stuck with Danny. He couldn’t wish for a better pair of people.

[pillowprincessvarric]

I had to teach myself how to have an internal clock when I was 17 btw. If I've never mentioned that before

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

so in the acknowledgements of THE CITY WE BECAME, jemisin calls it a trilogy, and i realized belatedly (read: at time of purchase) that THE WORLD WE MAKE says "GREAT CITIES DULOGY" and i had a Hunch about why that was so i went spelunking through book 2's acknowledgements before i started actually reading and, uh.

yeah lmao. COVID and Fascism would do it, huh

[ojirocardigansniper]

"don't trust your thoughts after dark" good relatable bit and useful for spiralling but if you are consistently thinking the same thing every night um. probably that concern is real and fucking you up in some way. so. don't uh take it TOO seriously

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

adhd theory of time

[basslinegrave]

man adult stuff is hard. just found out i gotta do some taxes this month but its very vague. worst that can happen is that they turn me away at the office lol but they didnt mention this last year when we were dealing with the process leading to this. you expect me to know all this? as if i deal with housing every week.

then i also have to call a doctor and hope they take me in. not many options here when youre transing your gender... and then another one, which i was supposed to get done last year but i never got to it, im just kinda hoping i make an appointment online and they wont turn me away... i dread going to this one specific... should i call it hospital chain? their process is so weird to me. "oh youre in your system but in a different city, so you need to do paperwork there before you come here" what are you saying..

[sodrippy]

guys we are so fucking close. t minus 36 hours until im free again