#times of my life i would wish soooo badly that i could actually talk to him as clearly as i did that day . lol

[angeltism]

oh shit maybe I should actually talk about star a little instead of leaving his entire existence vague as hell to uu guys . maybe ? idk I don't owe anybun an explanation of who he is or anything but also . idk ?

[cerealmonster15]

a bit of both- I was too scared to go off anon cuz I would've been embarrassed if I was wrong 😭

They INVENTED divorce. You get it.

And I DONT MIND YOUR THOUGHRS ARE SO SILLY!! pls invitation to come back on stage and scream about the guys ever 🥺

ksjdlfdsklfj I Understand 🙏 i hope it is ok that i took this message as an excuse to Continue Going Wild

head empty only tiny guy doodles now

while i was doodling i remembered ruggie and silver both have a vignette with jade where Food Is Involved... im obsessed w/the one where jade gives his mushrooms to the cafeteria bc azul and floyd banished them, and silver has them the next day and is like This Is The Best Risotto Ive Ever Had In My Life. and jades just watching him like 👁️👁️ and theres the one where ruggie accidentally takes jades ingredients and is like OH SHIT DONT KILL ME here i'll teach you a cool recipe!!!! i love how often these boys bond over food actually.... ruggie helped kalim cook in another vignette... jade and kalim talked about tea [and then jade died bc kalim uses too much sugar LOL]

more rambling and screen shots i have to go bonkers or i will die

oh my god and the second tsum event. theres the cutest little rythmatic of jamil kalim floyd and azul in the kitchen with tsums 😭😭😭 i want the second years to have a potluck........

ALSO i love in the first volume of the twst anthology, chapter 13 where it basically turns into the second years coming together and trying to help silver stay awake and hanging out EXCEPT THE FISH ARE NNNNOT INVITED!!! or like. theyre just not in that story fdslkjfds and jamil just shows up at the end..

KALIM'S SO CUTE HE'S SOOOO EXCITED He just JUMPS IN like OH DID SOMEONE SAY FRIENDSHIP STUDY GROUP???????

also

why did he do that. he was talking about riddle and they literally got riddle involved bc ruggie suggested it but here's the thing!!! silver is the one that needed notes bc he fell asleep. kalim joined up and was like lets study together and have a feast!! so ruggies like oh hell yea im in it for the food. why did he decide riddle needed to be there 🤔 i mean maybe he did actually want to study and/or didnt wanna be the one suckered into leading the study session LOL but. i think it kinda just looks like he wants to hang out with riddle jflsjeklkj like he literally later says "but im here for the feast" so WHY did you get RULES ABIDING RIDDLE involved HMMM??? watching you ruggie bucchi.

theyre literally SO cute i LOVE the anthology mangas SO MUCH and i really wish they'd make a third one!!!

god i actually. forgot a lot about this one LOL there's a lot of cute moments w/them 😭

ALSO now that im at my computer i could search better and i FOUND THE POST where i talked endlessly about riddle/floyd. i still stand by all of that. and theres cute anthology moments in there too.

third year divorce jumpscare while im in the anthologies

i love them theyre so fucking funny. also why are there So Many Times in game where vil basically says "yeah leona is extremely physically attractive HOWEVER his personality sucks and i hate him." like okay. why do you have to keep telling us that leona has a "pretty face" or "only good for his looks" or whatever it is he says fjsdkljekl. that's nice vil.

pushing them back out of the way back to the second years

and trey. im still trapped in the anthologies since thats whats in front of me klfjlewjsdfjkls god the way this one takes place after jamils meltdown and hes like "omg trey senpai....... and jade 😒........" Get His Ass sdfdsfg god i dont have a screenshot rn but another top 10 moments of twst for me that made me cry laughing was when i was reading cater's union bday card and jamil asks him that interview question "which dorm would you pick if you werent in heartslabyul" and god the TIMING with cater saying octavinelle INSTANTLY making jamil SCOWL IN DISAPPROVAL at the SHEER MENTION OF THE FISH BITCH DORM is SO funny to me. EW. GROSS. DISGUSTING!!! i so badly want riddle and jamil to bond over their mutual fish hading sjdklfe theyre SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

and yet in masquerade event. jamil bullies azul. azul buillies him back. they DANCE TOGETHER IN BOTH OF THE RHYTHM GAMES. theyre DUO PARTNERS to azuls ssr. riddle and jamil compliment [more or less LOL] azul's singing performance at the end. i think once or twice riddle and jamil also share a few 😑😑 moments over azul... being azul jdkslfjkdsljf and it's EVERYTHING TO ME it was so validating bc i think those three should hang out forever.

OK THAT'S ENOUGH DISORGANIZED RAMBLES FOR NOW I GOTTA CONTAIN MYSELF!!!

[worldwright]

Good evening !

Man, I love writing those asks and all, but it takes me away from my fics and then I'm hit full force by my emotions

Anyway, I found a new pair of glasses, the closest I could get to my usual glasses and I hate them, they're not rectangular like mines are it's ugly I hate them I won't wear them I don't care I don't fucking care

I had to talk to the lady and my mom had the great idea to talk about me and now that lady knows my entire medical life. Fuck you. Yeah I'm trans, yes I have facial hair, no I don't take hrt, shut the fuck up shut the fuck up. yeah go ahead and judge me for not doing any kind of sport. yeah go and laugh when i say my body is all broken and doesn't work normally because no one cared when i said i suffer badly

Ngl, sometimes I hate being funny. I can say a lot of things and still laugh because I can't do anything else, because I'm forbidden to just acknowledge me being unwell

I wanted soooo bad to say to the lady that I tried to kill myself. Because she went "oh that's nice to take care of your mental health ! you acknowledge that you needed help !" Oh that would have been hilarious to say "so i tried to kill myself lol" and "my parents are neglecting me so bad that it's killing me lmao" x)

So yeah, fics it is ! And my mom made bread this morning so munching on it :3

Have a wonderful morning my friend !

people always expect that if someone's really suffering, they couldn't possibly smile and laugh. it kills me. like you never know what's going on with someone. you're not allowed to assume. you're not allowed to judge. and I wish to hell that parents would stop treating their kids like some weird dog they have and can joke about in front of them :/ some people just don't live in the real world, I swear

idkkkk if this picture is actually working I tried to rotate it but it just looks cropped weird 😭😭 anyway I went to a different coffee shop today :3 (idk if most of our coffee shops around here count as cafés, they usually only have a few pre-made sandwiches and pastries for food. I think "coffee shop" is probably more accurate)

I know I said I "somehow ended up" going to a club last night, which makes it sound like I got lost on the way home or something lmao, but my coworkers invited me out and I just went sure, fuck it. first time I've been to a place like that, it was pretty cool :3 very overwhelming tho, probably won't be doing it often. also I missed the bus and had to walk all the way home at 1am :///////

planning on just wandering today, I'm gonna head to the arboretum after I finish eating :)))))

hope you find a tasty snack tonight!!!

[syggwolf]

I rarely write anything big or super personal but like, I gotta get something off my chest and just sorta bitch about this.

About a month ago, I was sitting outside waiting on a ride, and across the street and down the road a little, I heard a child just... Freaking the fuck out mega style. Fear maxing. Absolutely terror pilled. Beyond normal child meltdown by at least several orders of magnitude.

So I started paying attention and listening because holyshit this is beyond the pale, and I look up and down the road, and I see there's some lady on the phone standing in her driveway on the other side of some car, and another lady walking up the street half a house away and I tune in and realize this lady on the phone is talking with 911. And what I piece together is this kid is in a tight spot, literally, as it seems he has managed to get his arm stuck inside of something tight, and it's turning purple and she's asking them to send someone out to get him out.

And I think, oh fuck that sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it. I would just complicate the situation. And I'm literally about to be like, thank god the fire department or whatever is gonna get here shortly and get the kid out and he'll prolly be fine, and right before I tune out, I hear the lady hang up the phone, start talking to the lady walking up to her, to tell her they were on the way, and then these adults start laughing, and... I realized, it was AT this kid.

And this... Tapped my brain a little, something about the way they laughed, so I stayed tuned in, and within a very short span of time, I hear these two ladies telling this kid that he is going to lose his arm, and then laughing. Like... They are literally terrorizing this kid. He is shrieking at the top of his lungs and saying he's sorry to her, and calling her mommy and I'm like, holyshit your MOM is saying that shit to you? And as far as I can tell, this wasn't some shitty attempt at parenting, like, I don't think they were doing this to really drive home that he had fucked up, I think he probably figured that out when his arm started to change colors.

No, this had a particular sort of... undercurrent, to it, that you really only pick up when you've been actually abused by a real sadist yourself. They weren't doing this for any reason other than to make shit worse, it was this casual boomer sort of thing, the sort of attitude you see a pissed off boomer level at some poor service worker when they don't get all of their nuggies or whatever. They didn't see this kid as human. And it was clearly showing because they were just taking turns telling him how they were gonna have to get a saw and cut it off and half his blood was gonna come out and they probably wouldn't even numb it, and it was gonna hurt soooo bad, and he'd need a fake hand for the rest of his life. This kid couldn't have been more than like, seven, by the way?

And I had to just sit there and marvel at this absolutely revolting casual cruelty, and then I had to thoroughly mourn the fact that I couldn't do a fucking thing about it because the house is owned, and lived in, by a fucking cop.

Like it's a well known fact that you do not fuck with this house because he is a big manly cop and his family is a cop family and you will get fucking shot for knocking on this dude's door to ask for help in the middle of the night or whatever because, apparently, that literally almost happened once according to one of my neighbors who's drunk boyfriend tried to kill her one night.

One of the signs on this place's porch, right next to the door, literally says "Give me a reason." with a picture of an assault rifle on it. They fly a blue line flag and an american flag where the stars have been replaced with guns right over the garage.

I wish I was making any of this up. I wish I could help that kid. I wish I could fucking do something. I wanted so fucking badly to walk up and tell them to leave that poor kid the fuck alone. I started filming it, but when I played it back, the audio wasn't clear enough to make any of it out and the EMT's showed up within six minutes and had this kid free in like two more. My ride showed up and I got in and we left. Because... What am I gonna do?

And now all I can think about is the fact that we absolutely fucked up tying the child protective services and the militarized law enforcement agencies together into the same system, because if I called CPS? Not only would I need to PROVE my case somehow, but I might turn that kid's life into a crapshoot where the system might destroy him even worse, and then on top of that I'd risk literally being destroyed myself because Sally Dispatch or Karen CPS agent might just be friends with these people and maybe goes to a BBQ of theirs from time to time or comes over to have a beer. They might just decide to let them in on who the busybody piece of shit is that tried to frame them for child abuse just to "let them know, so they could protect themselves".

In fact I worry I've put too many identifying details in this post already tbh. But I honestly just cannot sit on this without telling the fucking world what I saw somehow.

[sore-child]

I really miss Lyana. She was my best friend. Even though we live completely different kinds of lives and had different beliefs, she was always accepting of me and kept an open mind. And of course I did the same for her. I miss all of our phone calls pretending we had celebrities like Miley Cyrus or aly and aj visiting our house. I miss watching TV when a new episode of icarly or naked brothers band came out and we would call each other immediately after and talk about how awesome it was. I admired how soft-spoken she was but still had confidence! She was always ready to stick up for me because I was so easily hurt when I was a kid. I miss going to the park with her. I miss when she and her younger sister Kayla would come over a little bit after school because her mom was at work and needed a little extra time to pick them up. We used to share music and play pretend. It's strange because we were nothing alike but it's like we were connected at the hip. After she left the school we went to the summer of 6th grade I was left alone. Neither of us had cell phones or internet at home. And she ended up moving away to idk where. I only got a hold of her one time when she had a MeetMe account. But I ended up losing her number and I haven't heard from her since then. I always wonder how she is these days. I wonder what kind of life she lives. If she found a true love. If she has her dream job. And even if she doesn't I would just love to talk to her one more time. I still have dreams where she started going to the same high school I went to even though that never happened. I don't know why I still dream about high school. And every time when I see her in my dreams I just wave at her and tell her I missed her so much. I never get close enough to actually give her a hug. I doubt I will ever see her again. But if I do I need to make sure I never lose contact with her again. I want to catch up with her so badly. I bet we could still talk foreverrr if we had the chance. I wonder if her favorite color is still blue. And if she still loves dolphins. But I also wonder if she ever wonders about me. This is where I get sad because I feel like if anyone wanted to get a hold of me they could just look for me online. I have an account on SOOOO many websites. The only thing that might make it hard for her if she has tried looking for me as that she doesn't know I changed my name to Lunette. She only knows me by my dead name. I wish there was a way to just send her a letter but I don't even know where she lives. I don't know where she works. Or anything like that. And I can't find her sister or her mom anywhere on the internet either. I am always wishing that the three of them are in good health and staying positive in life no matter what the situation is. Just like they were when we were kids. I haven't poured my heart out on here in a while and I forgot how nice it is to just ramble on and on without anyone to tell me to shut up or talk over me. Maybe I need to start back up

[deerblossoms]

i’m deeply fucking cursed. every pen i’ve journaled with in the past month has died. i JUST bought a new pen, used it once, and it’s already dead the next day. what the fuck??????!? like at first, when this started happening, i was joking about a silly little pen curse during the retrograde. now i think it’s me. this used to happen when i was in high school, too. when i was journaling all the time back then. so fucking weird.

kayla and i are on a week and a half break, not talking until the 18th or 20th or so, and it feels okay on my end. i’ve noticed i’ve completely stopped stressing about the relationship. but i’ve also noticed nobody texts me. kinda sucks! really sucks. i’m trying desperately to find people to go see challengers again with and nobody has the time. jack moves back today, finished their first year of college and i’m so proud of them. they’ll be closer next year which will be great. i am making a quick note here to say i’m soooo over the gabby luna sitch that i don’t even feel like writing about it. detaching myself. other people’s lives aren’t my own. and i certainly don’t need to worry about the lives of people who can’t even text me more than once every few months. jesus!

i don’t know. i feel so weird today. i couldn’t get myself up and at em today and spent all morning doomscrolling and watching SATC. yesterday i came home before leaving for work, sat down on the couch to catch my breath, and immediately started crying. couldn’t even figure out why. still don’t know! i’m not doing amazing, i don’t think. i was for a moment, when the cherry blossoms were out, but now i don’t know what to do with myself. i have the day off and i have no clue how to spend it. i might spend it watching tv all day, which i kind of want to do. could watch eternal sunshine and the social network and binge SATC. maybe i’ll put the footage i captured onto my computer. i need editing software so i can do something with it, though. lol! i did just get paid so i could shell out for FCP but i feel as though that’s unwise. is it? i have no clue. i guess maybe i need to just accept the loneliness i’m feeling, embrace it, stop trying to fill it or replace it. stop keeping myself busy and just be lonely, keep my own company. watch a lot of tv.

it’s funny how little i care about something after its time has passed. i was so excited to go see the barbie movie and then i didn’t, and now i doubt i’ll ever watch it. i have no wish to. i finally realized luna and i would never be real friends the way things stand right now, so i’ve stopped caring. javi doesn’t text me so i don’t text him anymore. everything comes and goes. once i know someone’s not interested in me i lose my crush on them completely. i forget about everything, and once i forget, it stops mattering even after i remember. this is actually a conversation i should be having in therapy because i can hear myself kinda spouting BS a little but i’m not sure how to call it on my own. high school was so awful and now it’s a million years ago. everything passes. life is a river and you never see the same wave twice. it’s probably not good for me that i haven’t written poetry in so long. though i remember i used to always say it was a “bad sign if i was writing poetry again”. truth is though, if i’m doing badly i should be writing about it. i’m trying to convince myself to start making art again. fill up my sketchbook with whatever. rip myself from my phone and put my anxious energy into my art. whatever that art is. i just feel so pathetic lately. so nothing. i feel like i could melt away and i would be as much use to the world as a puddle. sometimes i feel like i’m just here to entertain everyone else and i’m not living for myself. everyone loves me, everyone cares about me, everyone’s happy to see me, but nobody wants to spend time with me. nobody reaches out unless i reach my hand out first. nobody even has the time to go to a fucking movie with me. i’m just the eternal manic pixie dream girl. kayla reaches out, i guess. but that’s something else. we don’t have anything to say to each other. when i’m with her i don’t have any passions or dreams or aspirations. i’m just a body next to hers. old wise man with a guiding light when she needs it. and it doesn’t feel good, and it’s not her fault. it’s completely inexplicable.

anyway i’m sad. obviously LOL this is such a depressive pessimistic entry. i’m trying to quit biting my cuticles and i’m not doing well at it. i keep forgetting until i’ve already got the skin half-ripped between my teeth. and by then, might as well. i’m so over begging for company. people can come to me. people can make plans with me. people can do that or i can do things on my own, like always. maybe i want to be alone because i know every book and therapist and person will tell me this is an awful plan. no good to stop trying with other people. but i want to. i’m tired of trying. and i know i’m loved, i know i’m cared about. i’ve just started to feel like a monkey with cymbals in their hands. everyone’s off doing something important with their life, going somewhere, working towards something, caring and living and i’m the little kid on the couch, just waiting till they come home. i don’t feel like my own person anymore. i keep checking my messages, obsessively, looking for that little red dot. WHAT ever. it’s cold out and i finished my coffee and i feel very small.

[salaciousslut]

I swear to god if you keep calling me strong im gonna actually start working out again, esp so i can actually lift more than like 55lbs at a time. (Im weak!!) Maybe the real goal with working out again is being able to lift up a cute little toy like you <3 Ik rain can make things colder and theres been a cold front lately so i hope youve been staying bundled up!! Im sorry its so gloomy :(

Absolutely you can bite me. My neck's pretty sensitive and ive been told that i apparently move my head a little to give people space to mark me up so maybe im addition to some lil teasing bites, some hard bites to my neck would be nice <3 🤭

Its so cute how you really are just free use, i wish i could help out with how much you need someone to fuck you 🥺 life is fucking unfair because i should be allowed to just hang out with you and go back to your place under the guise of watching a show together and just end up getting you drunk and seeing just how badly you need your cunt filled 🤭<3 i think i would probably end up spending more time teasing you than fucking you on my strap though, but thats just cause its low key kinda big. We could always just switch it out with a dildo that could fit in you easier but thats a lil less fun for me 🫣

I wish i could have you resting your head on my chest while we talked rn, like i'd enjoy that a lot 🥰 like i get you 100% i wanna know about things and i like to ask questions! Like i have low key been wanting to ask what your favorite part of your apartment is, and what it is that makes it your favorite, but im also like is that question too weird or personal?? Same with wanting to ask how you got into crocheting, but i dont wanna ask smth too personal. Though even if you were to talk about your interests i'd ask questions! I just like to know shit ☺️

55lbs is a lot!!! hehe you are still vv strong babe! never doubt urself. its soooo humid where am and barely even cold so being outside is no fun :((( im just wearing my normal clothes bc its too hot to look cute in winter clothes.

wait thats soooo cute i wanna bite now and see how u react!!! nom nom nom i wanna cover u in my marks hehehe

freeuse!! i just wanna be used and fucked until i cant think anymore!! and not to mention, alcohol goes straight to my clit. either that or i get super sleepy but either way babe, you can do whatever u want!!! and teasing is always fun!! just dont underestimate me bc i am willing to die for strap 🫡

my fav part of my apartment is probably my bedroom floor!! im a floor person and i have a deficated lil area with blankets and pillows to cuddle with! plus stuffed animals! its a lil nook that i spend a lot of time in.

i got into crocheting because one of the clubs i am in was hosting an event to learn how to crochet things for babies in the nicu!! and from there i picked it up and use it as stress relief and a creative outlet!!

what about u?? what are some of your interests? fav part of the day? anything hehe i wanna know more

[jeongjaebae]

UGH SUNWOO IN THAT RACER OUTFIT. don’t even get me started i went very very insane when i saw that stage 😭 not to mention that recent i like you dance stage with ateez UGH they were soooo cute and like . i know i am very sunwoo brained but i genuinely stopped breathing when cobie showed up in that funky little hat and his funky little glasses he’s soooo ……not to mention juyeon’s teddy bear backpack and changmin and his pochacco slay with that hat NDBSKFK the fancams for that stage made me inconsolable 😭 apparently when they talked to their stylists for the concept they wanted a “nerdy-loser” look WHICH IS SO HENKFWK that’s cat-coded ….they did it for Me…….

and i did. i Did hear about the sexy concept next comeback which …..i already have one foot in the grave just hearing about it how am i going to survive 😭😭😭 and personally !! ok as much as i loooove darker concepts i kind of want them to have a sort of ….not high-teen concept but sort of like . love me right by exo? like that sporty funky concept! i feel like it would be super fun and tbz are already lowkey sm’s stepsons so HAHA it’s not too much of a shot in the dark :’) like they sort of did it with giddy up but i’d love a more mature take on that concept now that they’re all grown up! i’d also love if they could do another ultra specific concept like they did with battle royale in maverick! what about you, are there any concepts you want them to do again?? and yeah the whole plagiarizing thing was so ….. 😬 like they just handled it badly all around wjfjwkfkwk but at the end of the day it wasn’t even eric’s fault :( he just bought the beat from the producer and while i wish they didn’t sweep the issue under the rug and pretend like nothing happened i also think he doesn’t deserve the heat he was getting from bap fans cause it’s like …there’s nothing he can do about it :”) ahh idk its just a really bad situation to be in.

also soonyoung’s disney princess moment??? no bc the way i would check instagram after a few minutes and he would just keep uploading NEW bird content like? at that point that bird is his….he should have taken it home with him 😭 i haven’t thought of my svt bias line in a long time but i think it’s currently soonyoung jihoon mingyu wonwoo?? with a special mention to cheol whenever he posts boyfriend pics. i am not immune. the way you like members who get bullied LMAO honestly i’m kind of the same?? i mean i bias doyoung and haechan who…. well doyoung is one step away from going crazy with 127 while haechan is maknae on top with 127 but when he’s with the dreamies he gets a taste of his own medicine so BDJAJFJDK not to mention mingyu fighting for his life every single day 😭 “why have a dish when you can have a buffet” LMAOOOO i’m going to use that from now on HAHAH i’m like ….Known to be a resident homie hopper no matter what group i stan

and the sunwoo fic ! funnily enough it was originally a txt yeonjun fic before becoming a hoshi fic to now becoming a sunwoo fic but its like NFBSNFK i think sunwoo is truly this fic’s final form 😭 like everything clicked into place after i transferred this fic to him so hopefully i can actually….finish writing it LOL but the basic premise of it is an exes-to-lovers fic set in idolverse! but it’s kinda like… the fic itself is more “exes” than it is “to-lovers” NDBWJFK but the first scene is yn breaking up with sunwoo, and the rest of the fic details what happens after (and before) that. so it sort of jumps between the past and present to fit in the puzzle pieces of their entire relationship and how it eventually rekindles at the end, but the entire fic carries the sentiment of there being a certain “gravity” between yn and sunwoo, like how gravity is both the reason why a planet circles a star and why they can never fall into one another again,,,, until it does. or something like that HAHA i’m kind of bad at explaining but that’s the general idea!

i hope 2023 treats you well! i’ve also been happier after talking and interacting with you 🥹🫂

a nerdy loser look omg HAHA they did it for you!! it was like total whiplash getting the racer outfits and then the cute ones and like?? they had some outfits for their whisper stages that totally did not fit whisper's concept LOL. although i can't say i was looking at tbz much during the collab stage when choi san was Right There BUT the performance was cute and i was just glad we got some post kingdom interactions :') but omg are all the tbz members your bias wreckers at this point?

OH OKAY WAIT. speaking of exo and tbz HAVE YOU SEEN TBZ'S COVER OF LOVE ME RIGHT???? and call me baby??!?! chanhee sounded so much like baekhyun doing the high notes of LMR and hyunjae has always given me such a baekhyun vibe esp in that call me baby cover SO YEAH sm's step sons indeed!! (also special mention to the four jaehyuns collab of call me baby LOL) and yeahh the battle royale theme was pretty cool but i kinda wish they went a bit deeper into the concept :') i also enjoy the dark concepts!! love love loved drink it (it's my #1 tbz song!!) and i wish that was an Actual Comeback but i guess it's similar to what they did with reveal! i wouldn't mind if they fully went into the vixx level of dark ahaha or something svt's fear... i wouldn't survive it. but if they do pull through with the wings of desire / red string of fate concept for the feb comeback that'd be so so cool 🤞 manifesting it!!

ikr i can't believe a bird just freely did that like... it's not afraid of humans??? wild. hoshi??? also wild. that probs fed into his tiger agenda for years like woOOow he can communicate with animals HAHA. omg it sounds like you bias both ends of the spectrum though... the instigator and the person on the receiving end of the bullying LMAOO. i totally feel you on the homie hopper-ness like i practically do the bias sorter every month and it'll have shuffled around slightly, my buffet is on a rotational bias like a lazy susan :') do fics (reading or writing them) ever influence your bias ranking? or is it more like whoever posts cute pics at the time? bc i see you with those recent bf seungcheol perm pics 👀

and whaaat no way you're turning a yeonjun/hoshi fic into a sunwoo fic... bc i was thinking of writing a hoshi version of one of my sunwoo fics!! and my sunwoo christmas fic was originally written for hoshi too (which... you'll see on my newly exposed svt blog ahaha). guess we all see them as the hot but actually a loser type of character LOL. but ahhh your fic sounds good already, the exes part sounds like it'll be quite angsty but i love that kind of concept! and it sounds like a good opportunity for pretty descriptions and exploring relationship dynamics. ooh are there any tropes or particular things in fics that you like to read/write? ahh anyway i hope your winter break is going well and that find the motivation you need to continue whatever you're working on atm!! 💫

[markantonys]

the gathering storm prologue-chapter 15

first, some pre-reading thoughts. i have been informed that ELAYNE IS NOT IN THIS ENTIRE BOOK. LITERALLY UNREADABLE. she has been the SOLE plotline that i’ve consistently enjoyed and never had any points of annoyance with, how will i survive an entire book without her!!!!

the cover has rand and a woman who i’m thinking must be avi, so either this is a cruel act of catfishing or we will get an avirand reunion in this book!!!! but i won’t get too excited because i just know that any avirand content will be ruined by min breathing down their necks and preventing them from ever having a moment alone, seeing as min will disintegrate to dust if she ever goes 10 feet away from rand for more than 10 seconds.

there is one chapter called “the death of tuon” man i WISH, and the final chapter is called “veins of gold” which is a phrase i’ve seen mentioned many times so i’m thinking something exciting happens in that chapter 👀

moving on. “was [graendal] the only one who saw that al’thor himself was the real threat? why not just kill him and be done with it?” you would think graendal is the horniest forsaken but actually she’s the only one who sensibly wants to kill rand while the others are distracted by how badly they want to fuck him

“though [demandred] was one of the foremost generals among the chosen, warfare had never seemed to bring him joy” “to think he might have been on the other side - might have become the dragon himself, had things turned out differently” ooh i’m starting to see the demandred-mat parallels now!

mesaana has “chin-length dark hair and watery blue eyes” desperately trying to remember if we’ve ever had a description of theodrin’s appearance (but don’t tell me ofc). although mesaana may not be in her aes sedai disguise rn so might not matter. but graendal makes a distinction between aran’gar being with the rebels and mesaana being inside the white tower itself, which is a point against mesaana being theodrin since theodrin has been with the rebels the whole time, but on the other hand graendal isn’t privy to mesaana’s plans and could be misinformed about whether she is Literally in the white tower or not.

graendal waxes poetic about how unbelievably hot moridin is, which is information i am storing away because i suspect i will want to know it later. for reasons.

uh oh mesaana mentions “our woman there” who witnessed semirhage vs. rand. iirc the only women there were nynaeve, min, cadsuane, 2 damane, and 2 sul’dam (and 1 additional damane and sul’dam who were killed in the fight). i guess their source must be one of the seanchan women, but man would i go crazy in the best way if it turned out that cadsuane was a darkfriend! or min, and it turned out it was rj’s intention all along to make her relationship with rand so damaging to his wellbeing with her indirectly causing his two biggest traumas, his kidnapping and his hand, and always ramping up his paranoia with her viewings lmao but i know neither of those things are true, so it must be one of the seanchan (or maybe it’s none of them and i’m just way overthinking this). oh but also more aes sedai did arrive at the end of the fight with semirhage, so it could be one of them, although they didn’t actually witness the fireball (which is what mesaana is talking about).

“‘i want lews therin,’ demandred said, his voice deep, his expression dark, as always. ‘semirhage knows that. she also knows that if she’d killed him, i would have found her and claimed her life in retribution. nobody kills al’thor. nobody but me.’” i’m erasing the number off my “days since a male forsaken’s last sexual tension with rand” sign and putting a big fat 0. another demandred-mat parallel, they both want to fuck rand soooo bad jdkfjg

moridin is so mad that semirhage hurt rand “despite my express command that he wasn’t to be harmed” they all want to fuck him!!!

“moridin looked down, flexing his left hand, as if it were stiff” OOOOOH are moridin and rand’s Merging Troubles getting to the point where moridin feels injuries done to rand? okay maybe THAT’S the real reason why he doesn’t want anyone to hurt rand lmao. but i still like my original interpretation better.

also, i have decided that ishamael-min is another Forsaken/Friend Of Rand foil pair because they both have an interest in philosophy and an unhealthy obsession with rand [bangs gavel] i’m kidding but also it’s true

“the great lord approves of your initiative” graendal is acing her annual employee review. i feel like she’s secretly the cleverest/most dangerous forsaken of all and the others all underestimate her, to her advantage!

“the wheel has groaned its final rotation, the clock has lost its spring, the serpent heaves its final gasps. he must know pain of heart. he must know frustration, and he must know anguish.” sexy and ominous

you know how the villain in the incredibles was a mr. incredible fanboy whose obsessiveness drove him to crimes? that’s masema with rand fjkgh every time masema’s like “the dragon will reward me for my loyalty!” all i can think about is the incredibles you’re not affiliated with me.gif

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH FAILE!!!!!!!!!! JUST KILLED MASEMA AND ALL HIS FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!! YOOOOOOOOOO I’M LOSING MY MIND she just went full “the lannisters send their regards” on their asses!!!!! chills!!! chills chills chills of the best kind!!!! thank you faile for doing what someone should’ve done many books ago!!! and for delivering the kind of “heroes being machiavellian and doing bad things for the greater good” content that i Actually want to see!!! faile killing masema is Sexy, the boys allying with the seanchan is Not Sexy.

“‘thank you for helping to assault malden, masema,’ faile said, stopping right in front of him. then she reached up and rammed that knife into his heart.” YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“‘sometimes, a wife must do what her husband cannot,’ he heard faile tell her women as his eyes fluttered trying to close. ‘it is a dark thing we did this day, but necessary. let no one speak of it to my husband. he must never know.’” YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

faile accomplishing in 1 page what perrin failed (no pun intended) to do in 5 books is SO typical jjskdjfg i love her!! i love her!!!!!!! sorry perrin, faile is MY wife now. also, this is one of the few times in this series where a character deciding to lie to their partner is actually justified instead of needless and infuriating, and might provide meaty and fascinating relationship conflict rather than petty drama (though given that this IS perrin and faile we’re talking about i won’t hold my breath lmao)

i’m so rand/min-phobic at this point that as soon as the audiobook said “‘rand?’ a soft voice asked” i instantly began gnashing my teeth in preparation, because i just KNEW it was going to be min arriving to simper (and it was)

rand feels aviendha coming closer to the manor!! an avirand reunion IS in the cards!!

and we open with our usual Listen To How Sexy Min Is In Her Tight Clothes description 🙄 this is at least the third book in a row where we’ve gotten that within the first couple pages of min’s first scene, and i bet it happened in previous books too i just didn’t start tracking it until COT

“why wear trousers only to trim herself up with lace?” LMAO absolutely howling that min dolls herself up for rand and it turns out he thinks it’s weird jfkjgh serves her right

also, we learn that rand’s eyesight is still Weird after semirhage. again i wonder if it’s lingering damage from the light of the fireball or if it’s to do with the Moridin Merging Troubles? oooh we saw moridin being affected by the pain of rand’s hand, so maybe rand is being affected by the black flecks in moridin’s eyes from using the true power??

“elayne. she was distant, far to the east, but he could still feel her bundle of emotions in his head. at such a distance, it was difficult to tell much, but he thought she was...relieved. did that mean that her struggle for power in andor was going well?” INDEPENDENT INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT ABOUT ELAYNE!!! rand, maybe you could put on a little disguise and pop thru a quick gateway and ASK her how her struggle for power is going! also, interesting that he can pick out any emotion from her at all at such a great distance, i thought that at a far distance you could only really sense serious injuries (like elayne feeling rand’s hand) and emotions wouldn’t come into range unless you were closer? i feel like the rules and experiences of long-distance warder bonds are always changing book to book lmao but i’m not complaining since it gave us 3 whole sentences of rand thinking about elayne.

i can’t find the exact quote again but rand wonders where asmodean is and whether he’s betrayed info about him to the shadow and i’m cracking up jkjfg even rand thinks asmodean should have been more important to the story than he ended up being!

somewhere in this chapter rand mentions that it was a ter’angreal of cadsuane’s that made semirhage’s illusion fall away in the last book, good to know, i thought that semirhage was just lame and bad at channeling or something lmao

rand apparently has a new sword, which an unnamed “they” had recently found and gifted to him, and he recognizes it from his own memories rather than from lews therin’s and “had taken to wearing the sword immediately. it felt right beneath his fingers.” this had better somehow be tam’s heron-marked blade fixed up again because that is the only sword in the world i could accept so immediately and unceremoniously replacing the sword aviendha gave to rand 😤

on the one hand, i hate how min is always glaring at alivia bc she resents her bc she’s going to help rand die, even though alivia knows nothing about this and has done nothing wrong and never been anything but loyal to rand and min is just being mad at her about her own viewing. on the other hand, i do kinda resent alivia’s narrative importance bc while i don’t yet know exactly what her role will be, i’m struggling to see why nynaeve couldn’t have filled it. why introduce a random new channeler who’s “even stronger than nynaeve in the one power” and seems like she’s going to do something channeling-related that’s very emotionally significant in rand’s arc, when nynaeve is right there? i’ll see if i still feel this way once i actually see how this “alivia helping rand die” business plays out, but so far it feels like yet another instance of rj introducing new characters in the second half of the series to fill roles original characters were booted out of, and fill them in a less effective or emotionally meaningful way (cadsuane replacing moiraine as rand’s mentor, bashere replacing mat as rand’s general (i do love bashere, but he’s no mat). and min replacing elayne and avi as rand’s primary love interest, of course, although she wasn’t a new character, but she might as well have been since by LOC she’d changed every single thing about herself For Rand.)

“one cannot blindfold an artist, then be surprised when he has nothing to paint” cadsuane needs to meet up with lini so they can exchange Sayings™!

rand has in custody an extremely evil forsaken who blew off his hand and has brutally tortured and killed thousands of people and could potentially provide their side with valuable info about the shadow..............and he refuses to let the aes sedai torture her or hurt her in any way while questioning her, because she’s a woman 🙄🙄🙄 i know it won’t happen but i almost want rand to be murdered by a woman at this point, he would deserve it.

“time spent in a dark box, being pulled forth and being beaten repeatedly. he would not have a woman in his power treated the same way. not even one of the forsaken.” see, i could totally get behind this reasoning if it applied to people in general, but as the scene goes on rand makes it abundantly clear that it’s specifically WOMEN he can’t stomach being treated the way he was.

“you press us for results, boy, and yet you deny us the tools we need to get them. whether you name it torture, questioning, or baking, i name it foolishness.” for once i wholeheartedly support cadsuane bullying rand! yes cadsuane! bully him more about this!

“turn her over to the white tower, you say? which white tower? ...i doubt that egwene would be pleased if i dropped one of the forsaken into her lap.” are you kidding? egwene would be able to handle semirhage in her sleep! “egwene might just let semirhage go and take me captive instead. force me to kneel before the white tower’s justice and gentle me just to give her another notch in her belt.” what the FUCK rand???? i know you and egwene were a bit strained when you last saw each other back in LOC, but good god this is a HUGE leap to make! and fandom gets mad at EGWENE for judging RAND unfairly. i definitely don’t remember rand thinking or saying anything THIS harsh about egwene before now, so i’m feeling like his suspicion of her is suddenly being amped up to 100 to prepare for a conflict between them.

lews therin says of aes sedai, “we need to stay away from all of them. they refused to help us, you know. refused! said my plan was too reckless. that left me with only the hundred companions, no women to form a circle.” isn’t this.......isn’t this exactly the conversation that’s depicted in the 1x08 cold open that everybody complained about because it made lews therin look reckless? lmao god

“light! i can’t keep this up. my eyes see as if in a fog, my hand is burned away, and the old wounds in my side rip open if i do anything more strenuous than breathe. i’m dry, like an overused well. i need to finish my work here and get to shayol ghul. otherwise, there won’t be anything left of me for the dark one to kill.” baby booooy

egwene’s only been in the tower for NINE DAYS???? oh my god. and she already has all the novices on her side and is making many of the older aes sedai doubt elaida! yeah, she would TOTALLY handle semirhage in her sleep lmao

“this was the woman who had pulled down siuan, the woman who had beaten rand, and the woman who had pushed the aes sedai themselves to the very brink of collapse. elaida needed to know egwene’s anger, she needed to be humiliated and made ashamed!” “this woman, this...creature! she was the cause of the problems in the white tower, she was the one who caused division between rebels and loyalists. she had taken rand captive and beaten him.” so egwene HAS found out more details about rand’s kidnapping and counts it as one of her top 3 reasons for hating elaida 😭❤️ and after rand was being such a dick about egwene in the previous chapter.

“egwene hesitated in the doorway, looking in at her rival for the first time since departing from the white tower with nynaeve and elayne to hunt the black ajah, a turning point that seemed an eternity ago.” 😭 i swear if i don’t get a full wondergirl reunion.........🔪🔪

“‘what do you say to that?’ that you are a plague upon this structure as vile and destructive as any disease that has struck city and people in all years past.” JKDHFJHG DAMN EGWENE i love her. respect for her for managing not to say this aloud but boy do i wish she had hjfg

“egwene could sometimes feel that band [the a’dam] on her own skin, itching, impossible to move. sometimes, it still made her faintly sick to move around freely, as if she felt that she should be locked away, chained to the post on the wall by a simple loop of metal.” 💔💔💔 and you expect me to like tuon and support her marrying mat?? i am not saying that i bet all the readers who love tuon are the very same ones who hate egwene, buuuuut

while being beaten egwene thinks about what a pointless, absurd punishment it is compared to the “pain of soul she felt at seeing the white tower suffer beneath elaida’s hand” and starts to laugh crazily, rand vibes! but she comes to a different conclusion: “i understand. i didn’t realize what the aiel did. i assumed that i just had to be harder, and that was what would teach me to laugh at pain. but it’s not hardness at all. it’s not strength that makes me laugh. it’s understanding.” she and rand are foils!

aviendha pov!! “aviendha did not fear death, but there was a very big difference between embracing death and wishing for it.” an outlook that would be helpful to rand’s mental health right now if aviendha was allowed to talk to him for even 10 seconds.

aww throughout this chapter avi thinks about elayne constantly, always asking herself What Would Elayne Do and thinking on how much elayne has taught her ❤️❤️

why the fuck does avi still call rand “rand al’thor” in her narration? they had their moment in WH where she called him by his first name! i thought they were past this!

“now that they were first-sisters, they could marry him together as was proper” “it was good to know rand al’thor would be hers, although she would have to share him. she did not begrudge elayne, of course, but min...well, aviendha did not really know her.” perfect throuple, avirandlayne triad when, min get out of this polycule, etc etc

aviendha thinks about how she doesn’t yet have anything to offer rand and that she won’t give him a bridal wreath until she becomes a full wise one. i have Some Thoughts about this, will go into them at the end of the post once it’s more relevant.

but for now i will say this: “she would come to him when she was ready, then lay the bridal wreath at his feet. and she couldn’t do that until she knew who she was.” WHAT a contrast from min remaking herself and shaping her entire personality and appearance around what she thinks rand would want her to be lmaoooo

“i once thought that there was only one way to be strong, but i have learned from my first-sister that i was wrong.” ❤️❤️ “rand al’thor...i do not think he has learned this yet. i worry that he mistakes hardness for strength.” okay so clearly rand needs to spend some time with elayne too (and avi) so that he can learn this same lesson! dammit!!

ah, min did indeed end up telling avi about her viewing of her having quadruplets with rand, in WH min was uncertain whether avi would want to know about it. although avi’s never referenced this before and in the previous book even said something like “hope i never get pregnant if it sucks this much” to elayne, so i’m wondering if rj always intended avi to know about the viewing or if this was sanderson’s decision.

she also thinks about min’s viewing of the 3 of them loving rand: “the viewing was a comfort.” how sad is it that poor avi has been given so little time with and affection from her own boyfriend that she has to think “thank god i have a prophecy proving that he loves me” damn. “but it was also bothersome. aviendha loved rand al’thor because she chose to, not because she was destined to.” THANK YOU!!!!! exhibit A of why avirand is the only Fated Romance in this series that works! (randlayne i don’t count as a Fated Romance since elayne didn’t find out they were fated until after they were already in love)

GAWYN RETURNS!!! recalled as shouting thank god it is my boy!!! and we see him outside a prologue for i believe the first time since LOC! could this mean he’ll actually have a plotline this book? oh i hope so!

i always would’ve had a soft spot for him bc he fits my standard blorbo archetype perfectly, but would i have loved him as much as i do if not for the hilarity of how confused and mad you guys are by me loving him? we’ll never know jdfkg i’m still waiting to see what crime(s) he commits that makes the whole fandom hate him so much. surely it can’t just be siding with elaida in the coup and not helping rand at dumai’s wells? bc while those are hardly good looks for him, i don’t see how they’re bad enough to earn such universal hatred. there must be a very big crime somewhere in these last 3 books. chuckles nervously i’m in danger.jpg

quick tangent bc i’ve been thinking about the show: i think that in the books elaida having been around as an adult figure, and potentially a mentor figure, for most of gawyn’s (and elayne’s) life is something that was not made enough of, so in the show it’d be neat if we saw elaida kinda manipulating/grooming him so then it’s even more understandable and heartbreaking when he believes her over siuan in the coup (judging from leaks show!gawyn seems to have a more complicated relationship with morgase than he does in the books, so i could totally see elaida swooping in to prey on those mommy issues, especially if she’s maybe planning her coup and decides it would be helpful to make sure gawyn and his friends will side with her when the time comes).

anyway, we have so much of gawyn being sexily conflicted and angsty in this chapter, and you all know me, you know i’m eating this UP. “am i destined to end up fighting against each and every man who has been a mentor to me?” baby boy

“light send that elayne had arrived in andor...her duty to andor outweighed her duty to the white tower. and what of your duty, gawyn trakand? he thought to himself. he wasn’t certain he had duty, or honor, left to him. perhaps his guilt about hammar, his nightmares of war and death at dumai’s wells, were due to the slow realization that he might have given his allegiance to the wrong side. his loyalty belonged to elayne and egwene. what, then, was he still doing fighting a battle he didn’t care about, helping a side that - by all accounts - was opposed to the one elayne and egwene had chosen?” baby booooy. also, an interesting little honor-and-duty musing right on the heels of avi’s in the last chapter.

“[egwene] had chosen a side. hammar had chosen a side. gareth bryne had, apparently, chosen a side. but gawyn continued to want to be on both sides. the division was ripping him apart.” BABY BOOOOOOY [giggling and twirling my hair around my finger] he’s just soooo burdened by duty and torn apart by conflicting loyalties

rand thinks about mat (in the context of thinking that even mat wouldn’t know what was the best bet for what would end up killing rand since so many things are trying to) and sees that he’s dicing before a crowd. “rand had not seen the small, dark-skinned woman with mat for some time. who was she? where had she gone?” anxious at the prospect of mat having obtained a girlfriend during your separation hmmm?

“hopefully mat would return to him soon. he would need mat and his tactical skills at shayol ghul.” all i’m hearing is that rand needs mat and hopes he’ll come back soon 😌

“once rand might have been surprised at how quickly he was obeyed, but no longer. it was right for the soldiers to obey. rand was a king.” “darlin wondered - yet again - about his orders. could no one simply do as they were told?” “had [harine] achieved greater rank, making her too important to attend him? could one be too important to attend the coramoor?” noo rand don’t go dark and tyrannical you’re so sexy aha

“‘for all [the soldiers’] laws and oaths, they are free. me, i seem as if i can do as i wish, but i am tied so tightly the bonds cut my flesh. my power and influence are meaningless against fate. my freedom is just an illusion, flinn. and so i envy them. sometimes.’ flinn folded his hands behind his back, obviously uncertain how to respond.” [snl debbie downer sound effect]

“‘it’s not normal,’ [nynaeve] said. ‘and those overcast skies aren’t the storm i’m talking about. it’s still distant, but it’s coming. and it is going to be terrible. worse than any i’ve ever seen. far worse.’ ‘well, then,’ daigian said, sounding slightly uncomfortable.” [snl debbie downer sound effect]

“nynaeve had spent that fight [at shadar logoth] completely absorbed by providing rand with immense amounts of saidar to weave.” oh, there i was thinking nynaeve was doing some weaving herself and working with rand and taking an active role in the cleansing, but no, apparently she was just rand’s battery. sigh.

because nynaeve has apparently not gone through “finally thinking she’s independent and has authority only to be forced back into a student role and treated like a child” plotlines often enough, she’s now learning the 100 weaves you need to know to become aes sedai (which have literally never been mentioned before) so that she can take the test and become a ~real~ aes sedai since the other sisters think egwene raising her doesn’t count. sigh.

nynaeve offers to try Healing daigian of her grief over her warder’s death. girl if you can Heal emotional hurts/mental illnesses why ON EARTH have you never suggested this to rand or even considered that he might benefit???? oh my god.

nynaeve thinks that her love for lan is more ~important~ than daigian’s love for her late warder (eben the asha’man) because a) it is “genuine, and not due to a bond,” obviously nynaeve is sooo insecure over not being bonded to lan that it makes her look stupid, and b) daigian’s love for eben was “the affection of an aunt for her favored nephew” rather than a marriage, and as we all know, platonic love is inherently less meaningful than romantic love 🙄 that really does seem to be a message of the series overall, what with the way the 3 boys become completely cut off from their platonic relationships and entirely dependent on their single love interest for connection and emotional support, and this is portrayed as romantic and desirable and good.

nynaeve does redeem herself a moment later by thinking about how unfair it is that daigian, who knows as much as any other aes sedai and more than many, is always the inferior in any situation bc she’s weak in the power. finally someone recognizes this! (someone aes sedai, at least, since iirc we’ve had aiel and/or windfinders saying it’s nonsense before.) but then she loses respect again because she thinks about how teaching the kin to stand up for themselves resulted in them standing up to HER too and she isn’t sure she wants to “attempt a similar revolution among the aes sedai,” of course you don’t seeing as the current power system works to your advantage 🙄 although given nynaeve’s frustration with constantly being condescended to, and my frustration that everyone treats her like that, i suppose i can sympathize with her not wanting to implement a more age-/experience-based system that would give older aes sedai even more of an opportunity to walk all over her.

is my sudden uncharacteristic annoyance with nynaeve a sign that sanderson writes her differently? hmmm. something to ponder.

“all these others in camp might bow and scrape and dote on [rand], but nynaeve knew that he was really just a sheepherder from emond’s field. he still got into trouble the same way he had when he and matrim had pulled pranks as boys. only now instead of flustering the village girls, he could throw entire nations into chaos.” awww. walking the thin line between “it’s so sweet that she still sees rand as his old self” and “it’s so frustrating that she refuses to recognize him as an adult and a leader rather than an irresponsible teen” lmao. also, why tf is she calling mat matrim in her narration???

“nynaeve still felt guilty for leaving [elayne and aviendha], but somebody had needed to help rand cleanse saidin.” maybe you would feel less guilty if you’d told them where you were going and why instead of vanishing in the night without so much as a note and then avoiding them in TAR ever since! but i blame the narrative more than nynaeve for that whole thing seeing as the narrative just really doesn’t want elayne and avi to know anything about rand’s life, for whatever godforsaken reason. (so that min can be his primary girlfriend. that’s the godforsaken reason. genuinely it feels like rj decided every character absolutely had to be paired up in a nice heterosexual relationship, realized there were more female characters than male, and put 3 of them with rand so that none of the women would remain single (oh the horrors!), then immediately sent rand and min off alone so that it could still feel like a respectable monogamous relationship. and elayne and avi continue to love and think about rand in their povs because oh the horrors if they didn’t have a boyfriend, while rand only thinks about min in his because oh the horrors if he had a poly relationship.)

“min was there in the tent, of course” of fucking course, seeing as she’ll disintegrate to dust if she ever goes 10 feet away from rand for more than 10 seconds “she was closer to [rand] than anyone” 🤮 i hate it here

nynaeve is all up in arms about rand and min Having Sex While Unmarried, which is obviously stupid, and rand has told her that he can’t marry min because that would make his death hurt her more, which is also stupid, but i would hate it if rand did marry min so i’m not gonna argue. also, why does nynaeve not spare ONE thought for the fact that rand is also in love with two other women - both of whom are very close friends of hers, unlike min - in this whole thing?? like, she’s listing out rand’s Sexual Improprieties and doesn’t mention that he’s also dating 3 women?? and you would totally think nynaeve would misunderstand the poly situation and resent min for stealing away nynaeve’s best friend’s crush/boyfriend! nynaeve was always hearing about rand from elayne and giving her advice and being invested in that relationship! and yet her only objection to rand/min is that they’re not married, not that it’s potentially unfair to elayne! the narrative doesn’t think it’s unfair to elayne, and elayne doesn’t think it’s unfair to elayne (even though min ABSOLUTELY WOULD think it was unfair to min if their situations were reversed), but i do and you’d think nynaeve would too! that is her best friend’s man waltzing around fucking some other woman 24/7! no way in hell would our fiercely protective and also incredibly judgmental and traditional nynaeve not have a problem with that even if she did witness all the love confessions!

aviendha arrives in the tent. she and rand are now seeing each other for the first time since caemlyn (which barely counts bc they exchanged 2 words and didn’t have a single real moment together). AND NEITHER OF THEM REACTS IN ANY WAY!!! like yeah they’re in the middle of a war council so it’s not like they’re gonna start making out, and we’re in nynaeve’s pov so can’t know about their internal feelings (which is a poor writing decision in and of itself, setting this moment in her pov instead of avi’s or rand’s) but where are my heated and meaningful glances?? my lingering looks?? my breaths catching when they meet each other’s eyes for the first time in weeks/months?? my quickly glancing away agains in hopes that other people won’t notice?? and nynaeve also does not react in any way! she KNOWS that avi and rand are dating and doesn’t say a single word about it here! if i didn’t know they were dating, i would have absolutely no idea from reading this scene! so much for my fucking avirand reunion! ugh!!!!

rand says that the aiel were in andor to help elayne. in a previous book bael had complained that it was foolish of elayne not to accept aid from whatever spears were available and bashere had to explain to him about the intricacies of wetlander politics, but here bael says “she was right to refuse aid. i’d rather run across the entire waste with a single skin of water than have leadership of my clan handed to me by another.” Sanderson Inconsistency Alert (also for an aiel to call it the waste instead of the three-fold land). and in response “rand’s expression grew dark again, his eyes stormy” even though in the previous book he’d come to acknowledge that elayne was indeed right to refuse his aid with caemlyn. another Sanderson Inconsistency Alert, or maybe just a standard Regression Of Rand’s Non-Min Relationships.

okay so rand wants to STOP ituralde’s kickass campaign against the seanchan so that the seanchan will be his friends. SIGH. i understand about the whole allying with former enemies against the shadow thing, i know, i know, but i just will never like it!

there’s tension between rand and the aiel in this chapter. “we are not kidnappers.” “you are what i say you are, bael.” “we are still free people, rand al’thor.” “i will change the aiel with my passing. i don’t know what you’ll be once this is all through, but you cannot remain what you were.” gee, if only rand had an aiel partner who could be relevant here and talk to him on her people’s behalf and talk to her people on his behalf! if only! rand/avi as a bridge between two cultures and rand/elayne as a political powerhouse are SO RICH narratively and plot-wise and character-wise, and they were COMPLETELY WASTED in favor of rand spending all his time with an in-universe-ly useless and a narratively useless love interest who CONTRIBUTES NOTHING TO THE STORY!!! I HATE IT HERE!!!!

now we get some siuan/bryne nonsense. feeling heterophobic in this chili’s tonight.

aww egwene is completely willing to believe saidin’s really been cleansed, when near everyone else we’ve seen has been skeptical and dismissive.

random thought but: egwene needed an army/general to besiege tar valon. elayne needed an army/general to hold caemlyn. perrin needed an army/general to attack malden. rand needs armies/generals always. and where is our protagonist who was set up as the greatest general of the age? fucking about in a circus in the middle of the woods! what a waste. what a narrative waste!!!! mat could have fit into any one of those plotlines better than his own and been more useful and had more character development there than in his own!

now, perrin thinks it’s weird that tam calls him my lord and tam does call him just perrin when they speak in private. thank you sanderson!

tam mentions the queen of andor being pissed if they tried to bring back manetheren. he doesn’t know that’s his daughter-in-law! the mother of his grandbabies! not that rand knows that second thing either. but still!!! i’m weeping!!

wait a minute wait just a minute. now we have tam AND morgase in the same traveling party, both unaware that their kids are dating and expecting babies together..............jots down note to resolve this in my avimatrandlayne fic series since i just know the books won’t resolve it. man if i don’t get to see lini react to elayne being pregnant out of wedlock with the dragon reborn’s children and also having a shared aiel girlfriend with him, then what’s this all been about?

anyway, perrin says “the sooner that elayne takes her throne and sends a proper lord out to the two rivers, the better.” 1) confirmation that perrin knows who elayne is, nice lmao 2) why the fuck does the two rivers need a permanent lord?? they were doing just fine before! i’ve hated this arc since tsr.

perrin says, to tam, rand’s father, who has not seen rand in ages and is very worried about him and only just found out he’s the dragon reborn because perrin didn’t fucking bother to tell him earlier, “[rand] seems to like scooping up kingdoms. like a child playing a game of wobbles.” then notes that tam smells concerned and does nothing about it. what the hell perrin! i don’t want to hear any of that “mat is the worst friend to rand” nonsense, perrin is Clearly the worst friend! i bet mat would make an effort to console tam about rand if he were here, or at the very least not say upsetting things about rand in front of him. as a general observation, for all that perrin is allegedly so thoughtful and slow to speak, he is not very empathetic and never has been.

but perrin gains some points back by acknowledging that he hasn’t been a good leader lately and has ignored all his other obligations to focus on faile. “aram had been a friend” [footage not found] perrin was always annoyed by aram and rude to him “one that perrin had discarded in his quest to save faile. aram had deserved better.” yeah [sobs]

ituralde says that thom used to like juggling to entertain little elayne 😭 i’m dying for trakand family flashback cold opens in upcoming seasons

“there was a sword at [rand’s] side, and the way he walked made ituralde think he knew how to use it. he strode with firm, determined steps, as if he thought the soldiers around him an honor guard.” rand has massive bde confirmed 🥵

“something about the newcomer drew ituralde’s eyes.” “he was fit - lean and hard” “‘i am rand al’thor, the dragon reborn. and i need you.’” “‘you are my concern,’ al’thor said, eyes so hard that they seemed ready to burrow into ituralde’s skill and search about inside for anything of use.” “‘i have orders,’ ituralde said, shaking his head. wait. he wouldn’t do as this youth asked if he didn’t have orders. except...those eyes. ...eyes that demanded obedience.” “there seemed to be a...a force about al’thor, drawing ituralde in, demanding that he do as asked.” weird amount of sexual tension here. i love it. in fact, there is more sexual tension here than rand and min have ever had hjfkgjh the ta’veren pull isn’t real, it’s just that rand is hot and everyone wants to fuck him and makes up magical explanations for it so they don’t have to admit it (see: mat in tsr)

speaking of mat, rand currently needs an army and a Great General. 😤😤😤😤😤

the maidens are upset that rand went to meet with ituralde without any guards, but they blame themselves because “if a child hurts himself because he was not taught properly to stay away from knives, then the shame is upon his parents.” 🥺

apparently the maidens have been beating rand repeatedly to Teach Him Properly and rand takes it calmly but doesn’t change his behavior one bit afterwards. i miss the days when the maidens were getting him drunk and giggly and tickling him and tucking him into bed 😔

“if you listened to [elayne] talk about the aches, sicknesses, and frustrations of her pregnancy, you would almost think she was approaching death!” girl you’re gonna get pregnant with QUADRUPLETS and Then You Will See. also, this does not fit with the wifely behavior of previous books’ aviendha fussing over and coddling elayne so much that ELAYNE got annoyed!

oh my god avi thinks that wetlanders all complain a lot and initially thought this was shameful, But Then: “however, if complaining was something that elayne did, then aviendha refused to accept it as a sign of weakness. her first-sister would not act in such a shameful way. therefore, there had to be some hidden honor in it.” 😭😭😭😭😭 avi loves elayne SO MUCH!!! truly Elayne Has Done Nothing Wrong Ever In Her Life, I Know This And I Love Her. i have never related to a wheel of time character more.

avi: “not all wetlanders” you’re right, elayne would never do this

avi theorizes that Wetlander Complaining could be either a) exposing weaknesses to your companions as a sign of trust and friendship or b) a way of showing humility a la gai’shain subservience. she once shared these theories with elayne and “received only a fond laugh in return” THEY ARE MARRIED

“[aviendha] was strong and brave. not as brave as some others, of course; she could only wish to be as bold as elayne.” 😭😭😭

once again avi thinks What Would Elayne Do throughout the chapter and tries to consider problems the way elayne would 😭 thank you avi for providing me with the elayne content i would otherwise be deprived of in this book.

there’s some weird fire thing (bubble of evil?) that avi successfully puts out, like a goddamn Hero. rand comes to see what’s going on and we have our first and only avirand interaction so far: rand is angry about the fire and yelling at the sky i.e. the forsaken (i assume) that he’s coming for them, avi says “rand” and he looks at her and then walks back into the house. that’s it! that’s our only interaction in the first 190 pages (as of this scene and 250 pages as of the end of chapter 15 by which point there have still not been any additional interactions) between a couple who are a) in a committed relationship b) bonded as warder and wardee and c) in the same location together for the first time in many weeks and many books. i expected nothing and i’m still let down!! ugh!!

avi kinda plays mediator between rand and the aiel here in her convo with melaine (she says that rand’s plan is good but that he should’ve phrased it differently so as not to offend the clan chiefs), why can’t we see her filling that role in conversations with rand as well! ugh!!

“another thought occurred to her as she pushed that one away - a treacherous one. a thought of rand al’thor, resting in his room. she could go to him...no! not until she had her honor back. she would not go to him as a beggar. she would go to him as a woman of honor.” still bottling up my rant for a few more chapters, but It Is Coming. also, we all know that if avi HAD tried to go spend the night with rand, min would’ve chased her out of the house with a broom.

oh damn now egwene says it’s been “well over a month” since siuan told her in TAR about asha’man bonding sisters, which was only like 2 chapters ago. big sudden timeskip! i wonder if the other plotlines have jumped ahead a month too. i.e. how mad do i need to be about avirand potentially not having spoken to each other yet for an entire month lmao

HMMMMM seaine is described as having black hair and watery blue eyes. mesaana??????? but surely that would’ve come out when they were using the oath rod on each other in a previous book.......although maybe seaine only swore that she wasn’t black ajah, which would technically be true if she was actually a forsaken. hmmmmm.

okay so now rand has rounded up ituralde and egwene the black ajah hunters, hopefully that’s the end of some side character subplots now

gawyn returns and yes, he’s definitely being set up for a proper plotline this book! thank god! SOMEBODY needs to fill my trakand quota.

damn gawyn is basically a blademaster at this point even if he doesn’t have a heron-marked sword. a blademaster and a genius general so young, always agonizing about the mountain of duty, doesn’t trust aes sedai...........there’s some foiling with both rand and mat going on here but my brain is too sleepy to analyze further.

“all gawyn had ever wanted was to protect elayne.” me the fuck too! baby boy! “he wanted to defend andor. maybe learn to be a little more like galad.” baby boy!! i can’t wait for the show’s more complicated version of gawyn and galad’s relationship (again going off leaks here), because i can deeeefinitely see grounds for giving gawyn a galad-induced inferiority complex even if the books channel that into simple, uncomplicated idolization.

when the warder sleete starts telling gawyn about how his aes sedai has only one warder because she said she would only ever take another if sleete found someone he judged worthy: “all right, gawyn thought, wondering why he was being told this.” [squishes his cheeks] you are so stupid i love you

“‘hammar was a good man.’ ‘he was,’ gawyn said, feeling a twist in his stomach. ‘but he would have killed you,’ sleete said. ‘killed you cleanly and quickly. he was the one on the offensive, not you. he understood why you did what you did. nobody made any good decisions that day. there weren’t any good decisions to be made.’” first of all, crying, second of all, grateful that gawyn got to hear this from another mentor figure, third of all, very interesting reveal that hammar was on the offense and gawyn killed him only in self-defense, because the way i’ve seen people talk about it is that gawyn committed such an atrocity by murdering his mentor but it seems that he really had no choice and hammar was the one who attacked HIM first.

oh right, gawyn’s other current crime is that he wants to kill rand for killing morgase, but i don’t see why i should hate on him for this when he’s far from the only WOT character to fall victim to misinformed rumors that lead him to believe the worst of somebody who doesn’t deserve it. that’s kind of a theme of the entire series!

anyway, gawyn wants to have a homoerotic rivalry with rand soooo bad but rand is too busy dealing with all the forsaken who want homoerotic rivalries with him to be aware that gawyn wants one too or even to remember his existence. poor gawyn. you’ll have to wait in line.

“the pay [for the camp’s washerwomen] was small for so much work, and gawyn gave the women what little extra he could afford out of his own pocket, a gesture that had earned him laughter from narenwin sedai, but thanks from the village women. gawyn’s mother had always taught that the workers were the spine of a kingdom; break them, and you’d soon find that you could no longer move. this city’s people might not be his sister’s subjects, but he would not see them taken advantage of by his troops.” he’s a good boy! 🥺 and so like elayne! and dare i say foiling rand’s current worse-than-ever I Will Use People mentality?

gawyn finally finds out that egwene is a) the rebels’ amyrlin and b) held captive in the white tower and being “made to howl half the day” and he is turning on his men/the aes sedai just as i was crossing my fingers for!!!! oh my god it’s happening everybody stay calm stay fucking calm!!!!!

i can foresee that gawyn’s rescue attempt of egwene will cause problems and/or annoy egwene since she doesn’t want to be rescued. gawyn’s Great Crime, perhaps? but i can’t blame him for being frantic and wanting to help her bc he has no idea that she doesn’t need or want help and also, “siuan sanche had been stilled and slated for execution, and she had simply been a deposed amyrlin. what would they do with a false amyrlin, a leader of a rebel faction? made to howl half the day...egwene was being tortured. she would be stilled! she probably had been already. after that, she would be executed.” so, i will 100% understand if egwene is annoyed with him for trying to rescue her from a situation she has well in hand, but i also 100% understand why gawyn is afraid for her and is going to try to help her.

“egwene was in trouble. he blinked deliberately, standing in the square, cattle calling distantly, water bubbling in the canal beside him. egwene would be executed. where is your loyalty, gawyn trakand?” conflicted characters deciding to turn on their side (bonus points when it’s because they care for someone on the other side) is my favorite arc and the moment of that decision is my favorite moment of that favorite arc, so i am absolutely frothing at the mouth right now!!

“burn you, elaida! burn you, siuan sanche, and your entire tower. stop using people. stop using me!” gawyn and rand and mat parallels!!!!

every time i agree with cadsuane about something (again this time it’s rand being stupid for refusing to harm women) it’s such a Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Good Point moment jfkgh

on the other hand, every time cadsuane thinks about all the things she’s taught rand or wants to teach him if only he’ll listen, i become the “let me ask you a very fair question. what DO you do successfully?” vine. literally what HAS cadsuane done successfully in this entire series so far??? besides made rand even more snappish and less likely to listen to advice.

crying that sorilea going “semirhage is just a normal human she’s not even SCARY. so lame and disappointing.” is what makes semirhage start to crack hjdkfgj

“the problem was, al’thor wasn’t ready for the last battle. cadsuane could feel it in the way he spoke, the way he acted. the way he regarded the world with that dark, nearly dazed expression. if the man he was now faced the dark one to decide the fate of the world, cadsuane feared for all people.” okay so try and do something Actually Helpful about it then

we officially learn that rand and min share a room every night. while avi is all alone out in her tent or wherever. URGH!!!!

and rand officially learns (via dream encounter) that the shadar logoth man he keeps seeing in his head is ishamael resurrected. he also learns that balefire is the only way to kill someone too permanently for the dark one to bring back, and i can tell this will lead to rand going too trigger-happy with balefire.

min has one (1) generous thought about avi: “aviendha’s quick thinking had made a potential disaster into a mere inconvenience. not that she was being rewarded for it. the wise ones continued to work her as hard as a merchant’s last mule.”

min hasn’t been able to get close enough to avi to have a conversation even though they’ve been in the camp together “for some time.” the wise ones’ sudden punishments are truly just a plot device to keep avi from spending any time with her 2 polycule members who are with her now ugh (more on this shortly)

min thinks that she and avi became a little more comfortable with each other while drinking in caemlyn, “but one day did not friends make, and she was definitely uncomfortable about sharing.” AS IF YOU’VE EVER HAD TO SHARE A FUCKING THING UGH!!!! min is the one who gets 95% of the screentime with rand yet also the only one who still complains about having to share him!!! (avi complains about sharing him *with min* bc she doesn’t know min, but not about the idea of sharing in general.) elayne and avi are so onboard to share with each other, they love each other and rand so much, they are so wholeheartedly happy to see rand love the other person, it’s a wonderful dynamic between those 3 that min completely tanks!!! what the FUCK is she doing in a poly relationship if she’s uncomfortable with sharing!!!! min is that person who says they want to try an open relationship but then gets mad when their partner actually dates other people.

“she wasn’t aes sedai - thank the light - but somehow she had bonded him.” what do you mean “somehow”??? it was all elayne’s doing! as usual going out of her way to include your ungrateful ass in her own relationship with rand!!

i am literally SO TIRED of min thinking about how hot it is to feel rand’s desire for her when they fuck. if i have to read about it one more time i’ll snap!

“what was she doing trying to solve a scholarly mystery?” i sure as fuck don’t know. “but who else was there?...even those [aes sedai] who had made their oaths to him might decide that it was in rand’s best interests to keep secrets from him.” YOU MEAN THE THING YOU DO LITERALLY ALL THE TIME???? URGH!!!! and then 2 sentences later: “she felt she was getting close [to figuring out what rand would have to do about the seals] but it worried her to reveal what she’d discovered to rand. how would he respond?” EXHIBIT FUCKING A altho later in the scene she does indeed tell him her theories so, fine, i’ll let it slide THIS time. but there have been MANY other times where she tried to or actually did withhold info from him “for his best interests.”

“she’d never thought that she, of all people, would become a fool for some man.” does the fact that you think thoughts like this SO OFTEN tell you something? no? “yet here she was, following him wherever he went, putting his needs before her own.” that’s not love or partnership, that’s obsession and unhealthy codependence. “that didn’t mean she was his pet, regardless what some of the people in camp said.” LMAO WE STAN SOME OF THE PEOPLE IN CAMP also like literally the fact that min has to insist SO OFTEN TO HERSELF that she’s NOT a fool for rand and NOT just his pet.........the lady doth protest too much methinks

min on why it’s good to be underestimated: “any assassin who came to kill rand should think that he could ignore min. the would-be killer would soon discover the knives hidden in min’s sleeves. she wasn’t as good with them as thom merrilin was, but she knew more than enough to kill.” [footage not found] name ONE time when you have been a help to rand in a fight, min. scratch that, name one time you have not been an ACTIVE HINDRANCE to rand in a fight. min is also a character i am constantly asking “what DO you do successfully?”

“she loved him. she hadn’t chosen to do so, but her heart - or the pattern, or the creator, or whatever was in charge of these things - had made the decision for her.” really? because i seem to remember you going “well, since i’m fated to love rand, i’ve decided to suddenly be madly in love with him and chase him down and force him to love me back, even though he’s not my type and i don’t find anything about him attractive.” also, min-avi contrast again: earlier avi thought “i love rand because *i* choose to, not because fate said so” and here min thinks “i didn’t choose to love rand but fate forced me to.” exactly why avirand works as a Fated Romance and min/rand doesn’t!!!

“and now she wouldn’t change her feelings if she could. if it meant danger, if it meant suffering the looks of men in the camp, if it meant...sharing him with others.” you count having to share your boyfriend with others one of the top 3 worst things about dating him?? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! also this reference to the looks in the camp + the earlier thing about them calling her rand’s pet + “what did it matter if soldiers in the camp didn’t know what her value was?” (sidenote, what IS your value, min? what DO you do successfully?) she is trying soooo hard to feel oppressed over some people in the camp Hurting Her Feelings, when this is literally the first time she’s ever gone anywhere and not had everybody in the vicinity fawning over her as the dragon’s girlfriend and granting her privileges. even the maidens loved her and encouraged her relationship with rand despite having previously chased off every woman but avi who tried to get close to him!

min tries to get rand to tell her what’s bothering him, he says “no you’ll think i’m mad,” she’s like i swear i won’t just tell me, so he tells her about lews therin’s voice and how he tries to seize saidin etc, and she immediately thinks “oh my god he’s mad” lmao god. at least she doesn’t say so to his face though.

min tells rand that he has to destroy the seals because “i’ve been reading herid’s books all this time, and i believe that’s what he meant by ‘clearing away the rubble.’ in order to rebuild the dark one’s prison, you will first need to open it. clear away the patch made on the bore.” not to flex on min but i figured that out the MOMENT i first read herid’s note about clearing away the rubble. i could’ve told rand this like 6 books ago. so min has now done one (1) thing successfully, but it was a thing that anybody who can read could’ve figured out, so i’m not counting it.

while rand is snuggling up with min in the cozy bedroom that they share, alone, every single night, aviendha is out in the night all alone exhausted and humiliated and doing all her useless punishments. have i mentioned that i hate it here? because i hate it here.

“[rand] was sleeping now, though aviendha had been forced to mute her bond in the middle of her night’s punishment, lest she endure sensations that she’d rather have avoided. at least, she’d rather have avoided them secondhand.” she’s out here all alone in the middle of the night having the worst time and then being forced to feel her boyfriend fucking his other girlfriend, and never even getting to say a single word to him herself let alone sleep with him!! and since they’ve been in the camp together for “some time” and rand has been spending all his time with min, i’m guessing avi has had to put up with this constantly! it’s so fucking unfair! and yet MIN is the one complaining about having to share!! and let’s not forget that there’s no way for the min-rand bond to ever be masked, since it seems that the warder can’t mask it and the bondholder can’t mask it without channeling ability (rand does mention earlier in this book that neither he nor min has ever been able to make the masking trick work), which is exactly why min has no business being a bondholder - anyway, this means that even if rand and avi ever DID get time alone together, which they never do, but if they did, they would literally never be able to get privacy from min! she would be there in the bond feeling the whole thing, unlike avi being able to respectfully mask her own bond when rand’s with min! i hate it here!!!!

okay, finally time for my rant: avi not wanting to be with rand until she’s found herself and found her honor by becoming a full wise one would’ve been adorable and a great character arc for her if it had been introduced way earlier, but to my memory we have never ONCE heard a WORD of anything like this before, either in avi’s few povs up til now or in any dialogue she’s had with rand or about rand with elayne. she’s never given any indication that she can’t be with rand until she’s a wise one and can bring honor to their relationship - true, it could be a new thing borne by the recent shame she feels over the wise ones’ inexplicable punishments of her, but the way she thought about it in her first chapter made it sound like her being with rand hinges on her becoming a wise one, not just on figuring out what she did wrong and getting her honor back. either way, i’m pretty sure this is just being suddenly thrown in here as a convenient excuse for min to remain rand’s exclusive relationship even though another of his girlfriends is literally right there in the same location and plotline and should by all rights be getting some time and emotional development with him 🙄🙄🙄

like it just doesn’t make sense, at this point avi has already bonded with rand (i initially mistyped this as “boned” and that is also something she has already done with rand jkfg) and they’ve told each other they love each other and aviendha told him that she would pick up a bridal wreath if he laid one at her feet even if that’s not the way things are done, so this just feels like a bizarre out-of-the-blue relationship regression. they got into a committed relationship in WH and now they’re suddenly back at square one as if that never happened, and they don’t even TALK to each other in any of these scenes! all because the narrative wants rand to have 3 girlfriends but does not actually know how to handle non-monogamous relationships and would implode if he was actively involved in 2 relationships at the same time in the same place, rather than always being just with 1 woman at a time because the other 2 aren’t around. and because min would have absolutely nothing to do in the story if she didn’t get to be plastered to rand’s side 24/7, so of course he can’t spend any time alone with avi and apart from min 🙄 god forbid her sole narrative function, Rand’s Emotional Support, be shared with a second character!

i will probably be blaming “the narrative” in this context most of the time now since i don’t know what things were or weren’t in rj’s notes so for a lot of stuff idk whether to blame him or sanderson lmao

oh, and the second reason for the narrative needing an excuse for avi to not spend time with her own boyfriend despite being in the same location as him for several chapters is because if she got to talk to him alone and for longer than 10 seconds she would tell him about elayne’s pregnancy straightaway and of course rand is not narratively allowed to know that yet because it would interfere with his downward spiral no-hope-for-the-future arc. ARGH!!!!! i can’t even blame avi for not telling him because this is so clearly Hand Of Author. yes i will continue to blame min for not telling him even though that’s also Hand Of Author, thanks for asking <3

speaking of rand’s downward spiral arc, it is VERY interesting how, in order for that arc to occur, he has to be cut off from all his relationships........except min. rand knowing about the babies or spending time with elayne, avi, mat, perrin, tam, the maidens, etc. would interfere with his downward spiral arc, but spending time with min doesn’t. so, far from the “min is the only one who Understands and Supports him!” take that most of fandom has, what i’m concluding from this is that min is rand’s only loved one who is narratively allowed to spend time with him during his downward spiral arc because she doesn’t hinder that arc, in other words, rand’s mental health and emotional wellbeing are not helped by his relationship with min. like, the fact that the point in the series when min became rand’s sole major relationship and emotional connection just so happens to coincide with the point when rand’s mental health began taking a sharp downwards turn...........i am looking.

anyway. overall, so far i actually haven’t noticed a huge difference in terms of writing style between sanderson and rj, aside from the occasional word choice or turn of phrase that feels maybe a bit more modern/less formal than what rj would’ve written. but definitely nothing that’s jarring, and SO FAR i’m honestly not sure i would’ve noticed there was an author switch if i hadn’t known and the book hadn’t said so. the only big things are a) while avi’s dialogue is the same, her narration in this book sounds like any other character’s narration whereas i think i remember her narration in rj books being very formal (using few to no contractions, for example) in the same way her dialogue is, however we only got a couple brief avi povs in rj books so i could be misremembering. and b) lots more pov-hopping, every chapter is a different pov character and often there are multiple pov characters within a single chapter, whereas in rj’s books there tended to be long chunks with one character/plotline at a time. the pros of the change are that it helps pacing feel faster and that if there’s a certain pov character you don’t like you’re not stuck with them for long. oh the dread i would feel when i checked upcoming chapters and realized i was about to become mired in 100 pages of perrin jfkgjh but the cons are that it can feel disjointed/jumping around too much and we don’t really have time to settle into any of the plotlines since we dart between them so quickly. and also that it makes it harder for me to decide where to cut off my recaps, which is why this post is so long, i kept thinking “oh just one more chapter and then i’ll post it” lmao

[redbootsindoriath]

@aragornsrockcollection​ commented on the Third-Age-Finrod post:

Finrod: bounding around like a golden retriever: Aragorn, holding up his hand with the ring of Barahir: HEEL!

As someone who’s encountered several goldies and goldy mixes, I think I can predict how that would go.

This was only like two frames long in my mind but once I started actually drawing it I realized it was going to need to be its own post rather than having it as a reblog of a reblog.  So here we are.

Transcription:

[Aragorn:] “Don’t worry, Pippin.  I know how to calm him down in an instant.  Watch.” [Aragorn:] “Behold the ring of Barahir!  Given to my ancestor after the Battle of Sudden Flame as a symbol of--” [Finrod:] “Wait!” [Finrod:] “You’re a descendant of Barahir??” [Aragorn:] “Well yeah, I--oh no.” [Pippin:] “Well, clearly you have everything under control here, so I’ll just be leaving now.” [Aragorn:] “No, Pippin, help!” [Finrod:] “... hir was soooo cool, you know, ... aved my life at Dagor ... ollach and that’s how come ...ring, and now you have it, ... ieve it, oh my gosh I ... oved Barahir, he was such a cool guy, I wish you could have met him oh but that wouldn’t work though would it because you’re his descendant and humans aren’t like that are they?  You know this isn’t the first time I’ve been in a conversation about mortality, it actually seems to happen quite a lot, and you know one of the times it was because this human girl liked my brother and I kinda sat her down and talked to her about it because I didn’t realize at the time that humans and elves could marry, but then Beren and Lúthien happened and I was like “oh I guess they can after all” and then I felt kind of badly but it was too late to do anything about it, have you heard about Beren and Lúthien though?  Wait what am I saying, if you’re a descendant of Barahir that’s family history so of course you’d have heard ...”

[johannesviii]

This is a long post about Shaman King I started to write ages ago and I don’t have a good title for it

Let me tell you about Shaman King for a few minutes, okay. Because the new anime adaptation is coming in like 3 months and I’m still not ready for it. Also I started to write this post 5 years ago just because I re-read the whole thing at the time and it’s been in my drafts since then. Oops

But yeah Shaman King was the very first fandom I got into when I first had a real internet access, around 2003-2004. I was around fifteen. The manga was still going. And in retrospect, it was full of problems. Among other things:

Not enough female characters & questionable choices for most of the ones who actually have a part to play in the plot

A black character drawn with big lips (see above), and I REALLY HOPE this is gonna get fixed in the new anime ; I mean even the author stopped drawing him like that a few years ago when he did the “remix tracks” extra chapters so come on please

An imaginary native american tribe who, while pretty cool, is still imagined by a Japanese dude in 1999 soooo yeah there’s some rough corners here and there (edit: got some anon hate about that but I'm sorry, "ancient aliens" tropes always make me uncomfortable)

An art quality which gets worse and worse over time due to deadline pressures and an increasingly exhausted author

Was stopped before it could reach its natural conclusion (the author drew an actual ending years later and tbh it’s great so I’m putting this very low on the list)

So yeah. Manga from 1999. Problematic. Aged badly. It happens.

BUT.

In retrospect, most of it is such a kick in the metaphorical butt of shonen manga as a whole I can’t believe it was competing against Naruto and One Piece at some point?? Like

It’s a shonen so it plays the "dramatic and sudden power jump” game, but it uses it to reach a surprising conclusion (in the “new” ending I mean)

Most of the characters are “shamans” which means they can see ghosts and spirits, and they use them to fight, to work, or to help other people. This is a manga in which you’re gonna see a Russian shaman channeling a Vodyanoy spirit into a drum to create a torrential flood. You don’t see that in every manga

It’s stated right away that no shaman can be truely, irredeemably bad, because only good-natured people can see ghosts and spirits.

So, no matter how bad a villain may be, they must have had a good nature once even if they look like a complete bastard at the moment.

How far is the author willing to go with that concept? Pretty far

Even without talking about the main villain and how the story ends because, duh, spoilers... Like

My favorite character, who gets a full redemption arc later, cuts someone open in his first chapter

He’s one of the good guys 10 volumes later

Speaking of which the amount of gore in this manga has to be seen to be believed, Jump would never let this happen nowadays

If you’re wondering why this is in the “positive” (......?) list it’s because I was 14/15 and all kids that age crave blood and angst

The main character, Yoh, pictured above, is very laid-back, and I mean very. He listens to the in-world equivalent of Bob Marley and constantly wears big headphones. Also he wears sandals, and sometimes there’s a weed leaf drawn on his t-shirt

His parents arranged a mariage between him and a girl shaman even though they’re still teenagers, so this would have potential for High Drama - but surprisingly enough it turns out they like each other and after that he just goes around saying “this is my future wife” and she’s like “hello if you touch him I’m going to end you”

It sounds weird and it......... is, tbh, but it’s also refreshing among all the “ugh, girls, yuck” tropes that nearly all shonen mangas used to have at the time

Yoh’s main goal in life is to live with minimal effort

When his grandfather tells him he must train to participate in a shaman tournament which happens every 500 years, because the winner gets a wish granted by the Great Spirit, he decides his wish will be to make everybody’s life easy so that nobody will ever be forced to work or do shit they don’t want to do to survive anymore

Yoh Asakura is a Millenial icon don’t @ me

Speaking of which

Almost everyone in this series is broke as f█ck

Yoh owns a big house but that’s only because the price was ridiculously low since it’s the most haunted place in Tokyo and nobody else wants to live there. The house is constantly full of other characters (including enemies) who have literally nowhere else to go

The only important character who isn’t broke has money because his family is super rich but he hates all of them because they’re all bastards so it’s super awkward

Another character bought a really cool motorbike but he’s going to be in debt for the next 40 years

Also he’s a hobo

And also bi

What I’m trying to say is: relatable

Also the tournament is held by an imaginary Native American tribe. They’re also broke. All of them. The two judges who are in charge of the main characters live in a cramped appartment and often try to sell souvenirs in the street to pay the rent

I know that’s hashtag problematic but I still love them I can’t help it

Just like in most shonen mangas the hero seems to amass a big collection of Friends but since everyone is a weirdo in a way or another and comes from all over the world it looks even funnier

At some point during the tournament, the main characters have to form small groups of three in order to participate to the next part. Yoh’s team is one of the strongest teams among the ones we’ve met at this point, and is composed of 1) Yoh, a laid-back sleepy kid wearing toilet sandals 2) the aforementioned bi hobo who’s sad because his current crush is in a rival team, and 3) a thirty-something tatooed guy with no legs and an IV drip and who looks like he hasn’t slept since 1997

Oh and they all wear adds for a bath house

Because remember: everyone’s f█cking broke

Spoilers for the mid-point of the manga but I need to talk about it because it encapsulates everything I used to love in it

You’ve been warned

So

At some point the main character, Yoh, is asked to choose between staying in the tournament or resurrect his rival

This is framed as some kind of very heavy, very huge dilemma. Like oh no what will he do. Will he give up his dreams and hopes. Will You Push The Button(tm)

So the choice is presented to him

In a very dramatic way

And he immediately goes “there’s a way to save him?? YES PLEASE”

He doesn’t hesitate a single second and drops the tournament in a heartbeat to save the guy

This scene greatly contributed to make me a better person I’m not even joking at all

I love Yoh

So anyway I don’t have a proper conclusion for this

Shaman King is very flawed and its flaws need to be acknowledged to fully appreciate all the good things in it, and the “old” fandom from more than 15 years ago was a very good formative experience for me because the forum I was on (which was nuked from the face of the internet by a hacker “looking for training grounds” (his words not mine, he posted it on our frontpage a full week before he did it) in 2005, rip) was full of people who were really into criticising every little aspect of the manga but still loved it dearly

And I think that’s a healthy way to enjoy things and I think we should bring this back

Anyway

Shaman King extremely flawed but full of good things

I still can’t believe it’s back

Johannes out

[sparkleofpizza]

My oh my - Jason Todd x reader

A/n: Hey guys, this is the first time I am writing for Jason. Every time I listen to My oh my by Camilla Cabello I can’t help but imagine a story about him, so I just had to do it. Also, there is a part in here that I got inspired from Gilmore Girls because I am team Logan and I wish they ended up together.

Requested: no

Warnings: swearing, song inspired

Summary: They say he likes a good time, he comes alive at midnight, my mama doesn’t trust him, he’s only here for one thing, but so am I 

Word count: 3.2k

It was very cold for a Spring night, even for Gotham. The moon was a full circle displaying in the sky, shining so bright, the streets wouldn’t even night lamps for you to know what’s in front of you - of course that wasn’t enough for a city like this. 

You heaved a sight, surprise white smoke didn’t come out of your mouth. You felt as if your bones were freezing, hands stuffed under your arm pits as you were crossing them, trying to provide some warmth. God, why did you agree to go out on a night like this?

When your best friend and roommate Ari, called you earlier that day to declare you were going  out, you were very very tempted to say no. Then you remembered all of the hard work you put into the last paper for a class at University, and decided that maybe going out with her wouldn’t be such a bad idea. What you didn’t expect was for her to barge into your bedroom an hour before you were supposed to go out, and pick up clothes that provided too little warmth. She said where you were going, this outfit would look nicer than the jeans you had picked. 

A street race wasn’t where you thought you would spend your night. Damn Ari and her crazy ideas. 

She overheard there was going to be a street race near Crime Alley, and that most people from University would be there so she said it would be cool for you two to go too. Well, it did sound a bit cool, if you were being honest. Street race? Sounded something from a movie, and you didn’t have many exciting memories to one day cherish and tell your kids and grandkids, maybe this could be one. If it ended badly, it would be one hell of a story, if it ended ok, then it would still be a cool story. 

But now, there you were, standing alone in a crowd because Ari left to go to the bathroom with another girl from your shared class. You knew you probably should’ve gone together because you don’t ever stay alone in Gotham, specially at night. But hey, these are college people, your college people. Nothing bad would happen, right?

You took a sip from your drink, hoping the alcohol would do that thing where it warms you up and makes you feel fuzzy. 

“Hey, princess. What are you doing here all alone?” 

You turned your head to the side finding none other than Jason Todd. He had a red cup similar to yours in hand, his signature lather jacket, black pants and boots. His hair was that fluffy mess, and he look good as always. 

You met Jason a few weeks ago at the University library, you both reached out for the same book. He said he was waiting for his little brother and was bored so he decided to take on the opportunity of free good books, he wasn’t a college student. And ever since you two kept bumping into each other. 

Your cheeks warmed up at the words that left his lips. Princess. He had been calling you that ever since you two met at the library. You tried to push away the surprised look on your face at seeing him here, it does look like his kind of place. He looks like the kind of guy who enjoys adventures and adrenaline.

“I came here with my friends, but they went to the bathroom.” you said, smiling at him “What about you?” 

“Well… I don’t have a date with me tonight, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

You adverted your eyes to the side, taking a deep breath, totally embarrassed. You didn’t meant it like that.

“Oh, that’s good?” It sounded like a questioned, God you are so awkward 

He smirked at you.

“Glad to know you think it’s good I’m single. I happen to think it is good that you’re single, too.”

You frowned. Was he thinking that just because you didn’t have a date for the night, you weren’t able to have a love life? 

“What makes you think I am single?” You questioned, hoping your frustration didn’t leak into your voice

“I am hoping you are. I mean, if you are dating someone, that person is an asshole for not being here with you tonight, this isn’t one of the nicest places in Gotham.”

You nodded, a small smiling tugging your lips. That was a nice safe, you had to give it to him.

“Is there a nice place in Gotham?” You ironized 

You were born and raised in Metropolis, you were used to big cities and the down side of it, but Gotham? That was another thing completely different. A giant hole in front your high school because Superman and his cute little sidekick Superboy were fighting some bad alien? Ok, you can deal with it. A guy dressed up as a clown who laughs way too hard and torture people for fun while he fights a guy dressed as a bat? That you cannot deal with. 

You didn’t understand why Jason thought what you said was so funny. He laughed, trowing his had back.

“I mean, did Batman just woke up one day and was like hey, what if I dress up as a giant bat and start beating up criminals? What was going trough his head to choose a bat?”

Jason couldn’t believe you were making fun of Bruce without even knowing it. It brightened his day so much, and the fact that you had no idea only made it better. He was going to tell the old man all about it later, so he could laugh even harder.

You smiled as you watched him laugh. He looked so beautiful.

“Are you cold?” He asked once he stopped laughing, he saw goosebumps in your arms 

“Yeah, I forgot to get a jacket before I left my dorm.” You admitted sheepishly 

Jason smiled at you, he had a nice smile. He shrugged off his lather jacket and placed it over your shoulders. It was warm from his body heat, and it smelled incredibly good.

“Thank you.” You smiled at him “But aren’t you going to get cold?”

“I can handle being a little cold, and if it gets too much, we can just hug each other?” He shot up his eyebrows 

You you were sure you looked like a tomato.

Jason smiled at you. He had taken an instant liking at you when he meet you at the library, something about the way you smiled at him saying he could have the book and you would just get it after he was done with it, and how your voice sounded so sweet and your eyes looked at him like he wasn’t bothering you by taking the book you wanted. He was waiting for you to lash out on him when he said he was just wanting for his brother, something like “you don’t even go here and you are trying to get my book?” He was trying to get rid of those bad thoughts, he was used to being pushed aside and treated like he was a pice of shit bothering people on the street. He sometimes, specially after his death, forgot that maybe there was still nice and polite people in Gotham. 

It didn’t take long for him to realize you were a good girl, a good nice girl. He mostly ran into you at the library and at the coffee shop at the campus. You always smile sweetly at him and wave. The first time Tim had caught that action, he stopped in his tracks and stared at Jason like he was an alien and he had just now realized it. You two were completely opposites, and obviously his brother would find it odd that you were waving at Jason Todd. 

And meeting you tonight at a street race? That was not what he was expecting your next meeting to be like. He was there to gather some intel about the gangs that was participating and what Black Mask and the Penguin wanted with them. Finding you here was rather concerning, this didn’t seem to be your element. And it wasn’t, from what he had learned in your brief conversations during your random meet ups. 

“Have you ever been to a street race before?” He asked, voicing a bit of his thoughts 

You shook your head, hoping he wouldn’t find you pathetic “No. I normally don’t do this kind of stuff, I don’t know how Ari managed to convince me to come.”

He smiled “Yeah, this doesn’t seem like your kind of thing. But it is a good thing, I mean, this is kind of dangerous.”

“Oh God.” You muttered under your breath “Dangerous as I could end up in jail or I could end up dead in an alley?” 

He decided not to answer. The first answer was that the GCPD was corrupted and that they wouldn’t really care, the vigilantes in the city did most of the job. That wouldn’t be a good start. And the second answer was that you could end up dead in an alley, and the probably would make you feel a bit scared, and he didn’t want to make you afraid of being there, because he couldn’t exactly say he could and would protect you if something bad happened. You would think he was just trying to show off, when in reality he actually really could. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Jason asked you after having watched a part of the street race

He, now, had a good idea of why Penguing and Black Mask were interested in those people. He had nothing better left to do, and hey, there you were right by his side even after your friends had returned. You were still taking to him, and using his jacket.

You thought for a moment before nodding your head. You told Ari you were heading out with Jason, and she gave you a knowing look before asking you to text her when you got back to the dorm. 

You walked between the crowd of people with Jason right in front of you. At some point, he reached out for your hand and kept holding it, guiding you to God knows where. You had no idea why you agreed to this, you barely know him and you knew enough bad stories to know you shouldn’t be leaving with him. But he was so nice with you all of the times you talked, and he was soooo good looking. 

You stopped in front of a motorcycle. He pulled the keys out of his jeans’s pocket and smile at you, handing you the helmet and climbing on top of his bike. 

“My dad always told me to never ride a bike with a boy.” You smiled at him, playing with the helmet in your hands 

Right now, Jason thought you looked breath taking, and all he wanted to do was kiss you. He wasn’t surprised at all by his thoughts as he had thought them before and before. What surprised him was the flirtatious tone on your voice, he couldn’t help but feel more attracted than before. You were polar opposites, and that was everything he needed in his life ever since he came back, someone to help him maintain balance.

“So what are you going to do, princess?” He questioned in a hushed tone

“Tonight I don’t want to be the girl that does what her parents says.” 

And then you had placed the helmet on your head, and climbed on top of the bike, right behind him. You could feel Jason’s warmth, you were so close to him, and that cologne smell? You could stay like this, having your chest pressed agains his back.

“Then I suggest you hold on tight.” 

He sped up, making you giggle in his ear as your arms wrapped around his body. 

After spending most of the rest of the night together, around 4 am, Jason walked you to your dorm. You were still wearing his jacket, and you definitely didn’t want to take it off. 

You had went out to get some food after driving around for a while, and spend most of the time sitting at a booth on a fast food, eating fries and sipping on milkshakes. He was a great company, and you enjoyed the way you could talk about a lot of things and never seem to run out of things to say. 

You leaned on your doorstep, staring up at him with a small smile tugging on your lips.

“Thank you for tonight. I had a really good time.”

“Me too.” He smiled back at you “What do I have to do get to spend more nights like this with you?”

A devious smile took place in your face, you had no idea where de boldness came from, but the words flew out of your mouth before you could even properly think about what you were doing.

“If you kiss me, I might let it happen.”

And Jason didn’t wait a second to comply. His hands cupped your cheeks, bringing your face closer until your lips met. You stood on your tiptoes, meeting him halfway there since he was so tall. Arms wrapped around his neck, enjoining the warm feeling that spread on your stomach. 

You pulled apart when air became necessary. You smile at him, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Goodnight, Jason.” You said, unlocking your door

“Goodnight, y/n.” He watched you walk into your dorm and stayed still until he listened to your door being locked again, just to make sure you were being safe 

You felt as if you were walking on clouds. You couldn’t believe you had just said, what you had just did, what had happened tonight. It all seemed like it was part of some movie. 

“You’re only arriving right now?” Ari groaned from the couch, making you jump in scare since you didn’t see her there “I was worried you didn’t text.”

“Sorry. I thought you would be out longer than me.” You pulled off your shoes “Did you have fun at the race after I left?”

“If I had fun?” She sat up on the couch “Did you have fun? I want to know all about your night with Jason Todd!”

You giggled, not quite believing it just yet. You sat on the arm chair, feeling your back muscle relax against the comfortable cushion, bikes don’t really provide back support and that kind of made your muscles sore. You wrapped his jacket tighter around your body.

“It was really nice, he is a nice guy.”

Ari smiled at you, asking you to keep talking, so you ended up telling her everything about your night with him. Usually, this was the other way around, she would tell you about her dates and what they did, if it was good or not. You are the single friend, always the single friend, this was a good change of scenario.

“I’m really happy for you.” She said “But I just want you to be careful, he has kind of a bad reputation around campus, and he doesn’t even go here. They say he likes to have a good time, just it.”

You nodded your head, understanding where she was coming from. But you wanted to have a good time too, so…

“I don’t think it’s a good idea you hanging around this Jason guy.” Your sister said on the other end of the line “Mom doesn’t like him.”

You rolled your eyes. You once, accidentally, slipped out that you have been hanging out with Jason when your mom called and you were getting ready to go out. She had asked you why you were wearing pants if it was so close to summer which meant it was hot, and you said and regret because it is uncomfortable to wear a skirt while riding a bike. Now, Jason was the bad guy.

“She doesn’t even know him.” You protested 

“Yeah, and I don’t think she wants to.”

Well, if she keeps up this atitude about him then you don’t think you want her to either. 

You heard knocking coming from your window, making you frown. You pulled your curtain away, seeing Jason standing on the other side of the glass, a small smile tugging at his lips, hands stuffed inside his jacket’s pockets, and hair pushed back in that way he knew you liked it.

“I have to go. There is someone knocking at the door.” 

“At midnight?” Your little sister asked 

“It’s Ari, she forgot her keys.” You lied, Ari was in her room fast asleep after having stayed up until 5 am doing a research paper “Bye.”

You ended the call, tossing your phone on the bed and opening up the window. 

“Hey.” you said

“Hey.”

“Can I come in?” He asked in a low voice, probably not to get notice by anyone 

“Sure.” You stepped back, watching him climb your window 

“This always looked cooler in the movies.” He chuckled 

You smiled at him when he got closer “I think you climbed the window very gracefully.”

Jason smiled at you, pulling you into him, enjoining your warmth and the calmness you brought him.

“So…” you looked at him “What are you doing here at midnight on a Friday? Well, Saturday.” 

“I didn’t like the idea that we couldn’t spend this Friday together, it is kind of our day.” You try not to get the wrong idea by what he said, but it was true, you always hung out on Fridays, always coming up with different things to do, weather it was the movies, dinner, or reading books together “I knew you’d still be up so I decided to pay you a visit.”

“Thank you, I enjoyed the surprise.”

He leaned down, connecting your lips in a sweet kiss. You hummed in approval, sliding your hands over his chest until his jacket had fallen on the bedroom floor. When you pulled apart, you stared wide eyed innocently at him, just now catching up to the fact that you had pulled a move on doing something more by sliding his jacket off of him.

“Do you want me to go?” He asked, stroking your cheek 

You leaned in and kissed him again. Pulling him closer to you.

“Y/n, do you want me to go?” He asked one more time, against your lips 

“No. I want you to stay.”

Jason kissed you again, you walked backwards, falling on the bed with him on top of you. 

This was all you have been wanting for a while. Right now you didn't really care about all you have been hearing about Jason - ever since people found out you have been hanging out, they would come to you to say how he was just simply looking for fun, apparently he only ever showed up at the University when he either was there to pick up his brother, or he wanted to know about some party, or get together or whatever. But the Jason you got to know, he actually made plans with you outside of it, he didn't want to spend time with you just at a party you randomly met up, he wanted to talk to you, and take you to the movies. 

People like to talk too much, but you weren't going to let his bad reputation come in the way of allowing you to have a good time. In a long time, you had met a boy who seemed to worth it spending your time with, and he always made sure you were enjoining your time with him.

You knew there was also the part that your mom didn't like him, all your life she always told you to never trust guys like him. But you have been doing the right thing all your life, always being the good girl who did the good thing and never got into trouble. Tonight, when you were with him, you didn't want to be her. Wasn't this what part of what college experience was like? Doing things you'd regret? 

In the end, you knew you'd never regret having done any of this with him. 

[giulsherondale]

"Please change your expression."

"What expression?"

"I'm talking about your sly grin, please change."

"I can't get over myself."

She slaps Serkan😂

"Love gets tired of a lots of whims."

Serkan kissed her again😍

Eda compares Serkan to potatoes. His faces were so funny during the speech.

"You agree with the fact that I have brought color to your boring life?"

"Color? You brought the whole rainbow in my life."

Serkan Bolat definitely knows how to made a woman swoon at his feet.

I love the fact that Leyla calls Eda immediately when Serkan does not respond at her calls. And I love that Serkan turn off the phone every time he's with Eda, because he doesn't want to be disturbed even more.

What the hell Alptekin you have the courage to ask for divorce like that?! Where is your pride? He didn't even say sorry to her. Bad move, zero character development.

Selin and her last sneaky move, she made everyone guilty, Ferit, Eda and even Ceren. I really can't stand her. The only thing that she did right was selling the shares.

I liked the way Serkan reacted to the truth revelation, he actually surprised me when he forgive Ferit immediately. So proud of him.

Aydan hug with Eda and Serkan... Ahh Aydan you don't have an idea of how much I love you.

"To make amends, i give you a chance."

"A chance?"

"Yes."

"What are you up to Serkan Bolat?"

"The right to three wishes."

Honestly... Serkan is soooo smart. Great move babe. I love that he asked her to fulfill three wishes.

"Why doesn't she speak? Engin don't talk like you don't know Piril. With women like Piril, one should listen not to what they say, but to what they are silent about."

Serkan and Engin friendship is so special. And Serkan really knows how to advise friends in love. And I love the fact that when Engin asks him how is going with Eda he tells him that Eda has to try too to get their relationship work. It's so true actually, because by now only Serkan made steps towards Eda, but now she has to do that too.

"If you have time, I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Yes, I have something to tell you."

"If you will allow me, I will begin. I understand that I could not become a good father for you. But I'm sure that... You will be a wonderful father. I don't know how important my opinion is to you, but believe me... Eda is a very correct person. If you don't make the mistakes that I have made you will be very happy. "

"Thank you for your words. I never want to see you again. Not in my... You will never appear again in my mother's life."

"Yes. I will not appear in your life again. You can be sure. But... One day, I know that you will forgive me. And further... If one day you need help or get stuck... Then I'll be there. You are my son and I am your father. And nothing will change that."

I actually really liked this conversation. I still hate Alptekin but this was nice. And the thing that I like the most is that when Alptekin goes away he put the chair in place. It's a little thing but so important. We all knew this "order" obsession, and I was happy to see that he noticed that. And Kerem acting in this scene was amazing. And how sweet was Ferit that he wanted to check on Serkan to saw if he was okay.

"Are you free?"

"Yes. I'm always free for you."

"I was worried about you... Alptekin bey..."

"In moments like this, Eda, I have a wonderful remedy. This is work. Work is the second thing in the world that makes me feel good."

"What’s the first thing?"

"Guess?"

"Sports activities?"

"No."

"Vacation?"

"No."

"Nothing else comes to my mind."

"This don't get out of my head at all."

EDA IT'S HIS FIRST THING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD.

"Good. Perfect. Really good."

"Perfect?"

"Perfect. I'm talking about the portfolio. She's also beautiful in human terms. And the great thing is that she knows English."

"English... And portfolio. Everyone here knows English."

"Yes."

"Are they all beautiful?"

"That's why they work for us Eda."

"Did you say that they are all beautiful?"

"Yes... So... Good."

"In my opinion, none of them."

"Eda, they are all successful in their field."

"We cannot know this from one interview. As you know, but Efe wouldn't want to."

"Efe wouldn't want to... But Efe is not here."

"That's it, which one suits you? Which one of them?"

"I'm looking for a decent PR manager who will be good at his job. You... Are little..."

"A little what?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Me? Jealous?"

"A little."

"Don't be silly."

"A little bit."

"No! Why should I be jealous?! But they stick to you, you know? Pay attention to this, they were glued. Of course it doesn't concern me... But if you like this attention... As you want."

"If you feel calmer we can find a man."

I love jealous Eda, just like Serkan loves her jealous. It was so funny to watch her being jealous. And Eda expression when she sees Balca... Priceless.

"Then consider the males candidates, because women pisses you off a little."

I'm in love with confident Serkan.

Selin sneaky move pt. 2. Why the hell did she tells Balca every about Serkan private life? And why did she tells her that if she want to have success in the agency she has to know Serkan personally? Really Selin you couldn't have Serkan so now you don't want him to be happy with Eda? What a waste of character... I'm actually mad at her she's really the worst.

Have you noticed Bedo (the hairstylist) between the journalists?😂

SORRY BUT I'M STILL HERE... PHYSICALLY... MENTALLY... EMOTIONALLY❤️✨

"I want you to surprise me."

"How?"

"On one night you knock on my door."

"Why should I come to you?"

"So that you surprise me."

"And then what? Leave?"

"You will come in."

"To do what? I'm leaving."

"Eda, sit down. You will come into my house and watch a movie with me."

"Suddenly? Are you suggesting that I knock on your door?"

"You knock on my door."

"We will see a movie?"

"Exactly."

"Only?"

"We can eat popcorn too."

"Popcorn? You don't eat that Serkan."

"I have changed a lot Eda. I'll eat, even if a little, but we will eat them... Very little."

"I think I can agree to that."

The fact that Serkan want to know if she will come to his house tonight show us how badly he wants to spend some time alone with her. My romantic robot.

Serkan prepare the entire house in a romantic way, with candles, wine, soft light... And when someone finally knock at his door... Who is he? Engin, and than Ferit... And in the end Erdem. This scene was hilarious, sooo funny. I actually like this boys night, I'd like that they will do that more often. And when Engin notices that the house is really warm I thought... Soo Serkan I wonder why you warm up the house like that... You don't want that Eda gets cold right?😏

I really like Ferit and Ceren together, they are cute.

The way Eda go near Serkan as she sees Selin. I love my protective woman. And I hate how they wrote Selin, no character development, she keeps running after a dream that she made with Serkan... Girl go and do something for yourself for once. I'm so happy that we get rid of her, but I'm sad for Bige, she is actually a really good actress.

During the dance scene I felt too much. The chemistry was on fire🔥

Engin proposal... I loved it. You know I go horse riding and if my boyfriend would have ask me to marry him on a white horse I would have said yes immediately😂. And how proud Serkan was of his friends. I love their friendship.

What the hell Serkan? What the hell? Pizza? With Balca? No I'm sorry maybe I didn't understand... A beautiful speech about a woman changing your life, the fact that she made you live again but really Serkan? I really don't understand him? Why he behave like that? My poor baby Eda. I know that Serkan doesn'tlike Balca in that way but I understand her if she gets mad and starts screaming. Come on Serkan help yourself a little.

[tea-at-221]

The TJLC Debacle: 3 years out from S4 and counting; the copyright mini-theory; so much salt I’m bloated; but in the end, there is peace (I love you Johnlockers)

Ugh, don't even talk to me about Mary.

Don't even talk to me about the way Mofftiss have said they're sick of responding to fans on the subject of Johnlock. Of how they've said they're "not telling anyone else what to think or write about them" (as if they could stop us; as if they even own Sherlock themselves. Do keep reading, because this point becomes much more relevant and in-jokey later on). Don't even mention how they've bitched and whined incessantly because--god forbid--fans got *really really* into their show and emotionally invested.

They're so eager to discount all the beautiful little moments they wrote as accidents. And Arwel, who planted all those props, continually demonstrates that he's on their side (a not-very in-depth-analysis of his Instagram account and the way he interacted with fans towards the beginning of the pandemic showed as much, but I think maybe he’s grown a bit wiser and quieter since at least in terms of Johnlock and all things elephant-related. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking.)

Anyway--they'd actually prefer for us to celebrate our own intelligence, is I suppose a charitable way of looking at it: our ability to make connections between things in the show; our metas on symbolism; our insightful fanfic; etc., and denounce them as the bad writers that they ultimately are.

More under the cut.

(This post may be of interest to you especially if you came to the fandom a bit later: multiple links to things of relevance/quotes/explanations appear both within and at the end of this entry.)

Because what makes a writer good?

Well, an ability to make people feel an emotional connection to their work, for one. I know this is just my own perspective, but if not for Johnlock, all my emotion about the show would evaporate. There wouldn't be much else there. Other people might get something, but I wouldn’t. Is some of the writing witty and entertaining regardless of any inferred/implied Johnlock? Yeah but, eh, a lot of shows have some good writing and I just don’t give a damn about them.

What makes a writer good?

Not making promises to the reader/viewer that they'll never keep. Plot holes, leading dialogue ("There’s stuff you wanted to say...but didn’t say it.” “Yeah”) never followed through on, puns that are apparently, I suppose, unintentional (e.g. "'Previous' commander?" "I meant 'ex'").

Uh, not writing continual gay jokes that aren't actually pointing toward the inference that people are making them because there's actually something going on there under the surface. (How about just don't make those jokes ever.)

Not being, apparently, oblivious (? questionable) to the queerbaiting they're engaging in *as they’re writing it.*

Acting like their LGBT audience is in the wrong/the bad guy, instead of choosing to remain respectful in the face of dissent. Instead it's just, "we never wrote it that way" / "We never played it that way."

A lot of those other mildly witty shows don’t actually blatantly drag their most passionate fans face-down through the mud the writers themselves created. Imagine that.

I'm not even a fan of Martin Freeman anymore, for the way he handled the whole thing (getting angry, the comments he made about how the fans made Sherlock “not fun anymore”...apparently Martin’s packing up his crayons and going home?)...no offense to anyone who is still a fan of his. I don’t make it a habit to drag him. I do to some degree understand his frustration with having the whole situation taken out on him--he’s just an actor in the show--but I simply wish he’d remained as cool and professional about it as Benedict Cumberbatch instead of pointing at the fans. You’re pointing in the wrong direction, mate.

What also irks me at the end of the day is this: the subsection of people who legitimately responded badly to the TJLC/S4 debacle and went above and beyond to harass the writers and actors/actresses on social media are *few and far between*, but we've been lumped in with them by what feels like...everyone, Martin included. TJLCers/Johnlockers (not the same group, but often treated as such) have been made to look like a bunch of rambunctious, immature, demanding children time and time and again in the wake of S4.

They'd rather, what, suggest John was so in love with Mary? THAT was the relationship they wanted to uphold in that show as so significant and...what, a demonstration of how honorable it is to respect your heterosexual relationship despite, you know...ANYTHING?

Yeah sorry, I don’t believe in that. John’s text-based affair, whether a disappointment for some as to his supposed character, was a very human reaction and I kinda sorta feel like I would have reacted MUCH more strongly than that had I been John. But nope. He stayed with Mary and was *ashamed* of his wandering eye. Ashamed that maybe he wanted to be admired by someone. I can’t think of a scene, off the top of my head, where Mary ever interacted with John without belittling him in some way--if not with words, then with consistently patronizing glances.

The message here is that heterosexuality is not just acceptable, but VALUABLE, however it manifests--but god forbid anyone see a queer subtext. (Why are lgbt+ writers some of the very WORST offenders where this is concerned? And they defend it! Is this childhood nostalgia/Stockholm Syndrome of the very fondest variety or what? Gay angst is all they got if they got anything at all, so it’s still good enough as far as “representation” goes?)

They really want to tell the story of John as so emotionally/mentally fucked up that he surrounds himself with unstable people time and again. They never give any reason *why* he might do that (which they could have done even soooo subtly), or delve into his past--just, apparently it's okay to assume that Sherlock's comment about "she's like that because you chose her" is exactly that.

No. Sherlock and Mary are NOT the same. Not...*remotely*!

Mary is underhanded and evil. She lies. She manipulates. She schemes. Her “love” is based on selfishness, and her assumption that John is a simpleton and hers to mold. She's in it for herself.

Sherlock hides. He prevaricates. He feels. He loves John. He does fucked up things in the name of love, but always for the benefit of those he loves. When he screws up, which he obviously does, it’s painful to us as the audience because we see that it is painful for him when he recognizes and regrets it.

I have never seen Mary regret anything. Those crocodile tears at Christmas? More manipulation. Inconsistent with anything else we were shown about her as a character.

To even think for a SECOND that people could ship Mary and John and mentally condemn John for cheating on Mary AFTER SHE SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND...as if marriage is the be-all-end-all free pass in which every sin must be forgiven until the end of time...as if John broke any covenant with his wife beyond those she broke from the very moment she walked into his life *with an entire fake past.* Is just. Well. It's asking us to accept gaslighting as healthy, loving, normal, *preferable* behavior, so...given the source that message is coming from, it's all a bit meta.

THAT. Is insanity. Maybe Mofftiss are the sociopaths.

How these men could write characters they themselves understand so little (or tell us they understand so little because their emotional maturity has yet to surpass that of the average three-year-old’s), I will never know. I can only imagine that they have absorbed, by osmosis over their lives, real and nuanced human behavior...then churned it back out again in their writing unaware, a bit like psychopaths who teach themselves what "normal" people do so that they can pass as psychologically sound in regular society.

Remember, we *are* talking about men who do these sorts of things:

Moffat says that Sherlock is celibate and that people who claim he's misogynistic when he does things like make Irene Adler imply she's attracted to the detective (even though she's a lesbian) are, ironically, "deeply offensive" (despite lines like "look at us both" in Battersea. We aren't your therapists, Moffat--we don't care what you meant, we care what you said, and what you *said* was clear. *Implying* it does not let you off the hook).

Gatiss has proclaimed that "I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting" than the idea of ever making a show addressing LGBT issues. (That link is to a reddit forum, and I can't find the original interview anymore, but I assure you I had seen the actual article myself ages back and can't find it online again now along with some of the Martin quotes I wanted to link to. And nevermind what Gatiss has done with LGBT shows/issues since--my focus here is on what he has said, versus what he and Moffat have since claimed regarding their queerbaiting.)

Here’s a transcript of this screenshot:

"...many people come up and say they didn't realise." Despite this lack of public awareness, being part of the gay community is clearly important to Gatiss: "The older I get the more I want to give something back. I mean, I keep meaning to do something." When asked if he'd be interested in making a series about gay issues his response was enlightening:

"No, I don't think I'd make a kind of gay programme. It's much more interesting when it's not about a single issue. And equally, I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting. Of course this reflects the grand picture of everyone's strange make-up; there are good gay people and bad gay people. I wouldn't like to make an issue film around the culture of being gay."

Instead Gatiss' interest seems to lie in making a drama where sexuality is, if not mundane, part of the wider framework: "I'd quite like to do something about a quite happy, ordinary gay person who's just incidentally gay. For example, a three-part thriller for ITV where the lead character just happens to be gay; when they finally go home, say 45 minutes in, and they had a same sex partner. That to me would be genuinely progressive. It wouldn't be a three-part gay thriller for ITV. It would be that this character just happened to be gay."

--End article quote.

And instead, who is canonically gay in the series? Well, Irene Adler. The innkeepers at the Cross Keys. And perhaps most notably, the *villains*, because that's a helpful trope: Moriarty and Eurus are, in S4, both implied to be at least bisexual.

Any character should be able to be any sexuality, this is true. But can we have some main characters, the good guys, give some good representation? Can't we start making that the standard, rather than the villains and the background characters? Because so far, that is the exception and not the rule.

Writers need to be aware of the damage they are perpetuating. We are not quite in a world yet where any character should be able to be any sexuality but isn't, yet we have no problem with saying the villain is LGBT+ or looks different/functions differently than much of the viewing audience.

"Male friendship is important and valid, not everything has to be gay"--this is a popular point with casual heterosexual viewers (and, to my chagrin, some of my LGBT+ friends) who don't fully grasp what "queerbaiting" is, often even when it's pointed out to them.

The lens of heterosexuality is real. My first time through watching BBC Sherlock, I didn't see the Johnlock at all. I had to look for it and read about it. When I saw it, the lens was lifted for me, and it changed my life and the way I view things forever (and for the best).

But back to my point about how little Mofftiss seem to understand their own story/most ardent fans, and then on to my other theory: in S4 it must be that they dropped their “psychopaths emulating empathy” act and indulged in their own "insane wish fulfillment" by doing away with all of the meaning, continuity, and sense. Right?

So, here’s the alternate theory. One which is not, please remember, in their defense.

Remember that S4 is what Mofftiss are *happy* to have us believe is what they'd do with these characters, given the chance to do whatever they wanted. I repeat, in Moffat’s own words: “Insane wish fulfillment.”

Okay I get it, this pasta has been over-salted.

Without further delay: MY COPYRIGHT RESEARCH THEORY THAT EVEN I DON'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN AND WHICH DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THEIR CRUELTY EVEN IF TRUE

Part of me also raises an eyebrow at S4 as perhaps an example of the effect of the Conan Doyle estate on any modern production in the US. While it’s true that all of Sherlock is part of public domain in the UK and has been for quite a long time, Gatiss and Moffat still talk about it being partially under copyright. Specifically, the last 10 stories. I’m supposing that this means that because Sherlock airs internationally, or due to whatever contract the BBC has with the Doyle estate, they are still limited by the copyright as to what they can “publish”.

The Doyle estate is known for being a pain in the ass when it comes to abiding by copyright law as everyone else knows and practices it. They’ve tried to argue, for example (in 2013 and, much more recently, with the advent of Enola Holmes), that because Holmes and Watson were not fully developed as their final selves until the conclusion of all 10 stories still under copyright, then perhaps the characters themselves should still be protected, basically, in full.

It’s true that certain elements of the remaining stories are still under copyright here in the US (Watson had more than one wife--uh huh, we have that to look forward to, Johnlockers; the Garridebs moment is still under copyright--yeah, I’m getting to that too; and Sherlock didn’t care much for dogs til later so that’s not allowed either, fuck off Redbeard), but the estate’s problem in 2013 seemed to be based around a fear that *gasp* some day--if not right now!--anyone could write a Sherlock Holmes story in any way they pleased, changing the characters however they wished to and giving those characters “multiple personalities.”

See the following excerpt from the Estate’s case:

“...at any given point in their fictional lives, the two men's characters depend on the Ten Stories. It is impossible to split the characters into public domain versions and complete versions.”

(Click for full transcript.)

Obviously, by this point, that’s been done in multiple iterations. So I dunno. Their argument was *more* than muddy to begin with--they just grasp at straws to stay in control, it seems.

But okay. Backing up: wasn’t there sort-of a Garridebs moment in S4?!?? you cry. Yep. But imagine this: the Conan Doyle estate taking Mofftiss to court to argue that they depicted the Garridebs moment--a moment still under copyright--in The Final Problem.

Did they, though? Did they really?

The fandom cried out about the ridiculousness--the utter disappointment--of that moment when it was shown. It was not what we would have expected/wanted. We didn’t see John injured, Sherlock reacting with tender outrage to the good doctor’s attacker.

Instead we saw some ludicrous BS that was as bad as the clown with the sword-gun-umbrella. More of that.

I think Martin probably found that it was easy to produce real tears when he thought about how fucking terrible the S4 scripts were.

Ahem. Yet, this all seems very Mofftiss-flavored in terms of humor.

I can all-too-easily imagine them saying, “HA. We’re going to show some of these supposedly copyrighted things--and if they take us to court, they’ll be laughed out of the room.” Could that explain some of the overall S4 fuckery?

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to like dogs til later stories, as previously mentioned-- is that why Redbeard pulled a “Cinderella’s carriage” and transformed into a pumpkin (Victor Trevor)? Hmm. Sigh.

It...doesn’t actually appear that the estate has any qualms about taking laughable stuff to court, I mean...*shrug.* They have the money to do it, and money is the name of the game, because you’ve got to pay for rights (cha-ching sounds).

Yep, it does seem that the estate is open to the copyrighted materials being made reality, but who knows for what price or with what caveats. The BBC isn’t, so far as I’ve ever heard, known for throwing money around. Early Doctor Who would be so much less entertaining if they’d had any sort of budget. (And in fact, more of the older episodes would exist, but apparently the BBC--in part to cut costs--reused some of their tapes.)

My bottom-line bitter is this: Mofftiss do like to amuse themselves. To please themselves and no one else, as they’ve shown time and again. Sure, they could do whatever they wanted with S4...and they did...but they were also cruel about it, and that’s what I’ll never forgive them--OR the BBC--for.

A lot of fans gave up after series 4. I was very nearly one of them. I was angry, like just about every other Johnlocker and/or TJLCer, but I was really truly heartbroken. I couldn’t look at fanfiction. My days were full of bitterness and I keenly felt the lack of the fandom outlet that had become so essential to my mental well-being. I didn't know how to overcome the disparity between TJLC and what the show actually was. I didn't know how to separate the things I loved so much from the shitty writers and the way the BBC handled things with their whole response letter (that atrocious, childish blanket response they sent to everyone who complained about S4, not just the Johnlockers/TJLCers. Related to your complaint or not, if you filed one post-S4, this was the response you got). I still boycott BBC shows/merchandise, just by the way.

I tried to link to the blanket response letter but the link didn’t want to work (it’s an old reddit post; I had difficulty finding a copy of the letter elsewhere though at one point it wasn’t so hard...Google is weird these days y’all...tell me it’s not just me) so here’s a screenshot:

Transcript:

“Thank you for contacting us about “Sherlock”.

The BBC and Hartswood Films have received feedback from some viewers who were disappointed there was not a romantic resolution to the relationship between Sherlcok and John in the finale of the latest season of “Sherlock”.

We are aware that the majority of this feedback uses the same text posted on websites and circulated on social media.

Through four series and thirteen episodes, Sherlock and John have never shown any romantic or sexual interest in each other. Furthermore, whenever the creators of “Sherlock” have been asked by fans if the relationship might develop in that direction, they have always made it clear that it would not.

Sherlock’s writers, cast and producers have long been firm and vocal supporters of LGBT rights.

The BBC does not accept the allegations leveled at “Sherlock” or its writers, and we wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers to develop the story as they see fit.

We will of course register your disappointment.

Thank you for contacting us.

Kind Regards,

BBC Complaints Team

So how about that? *Did* they “register our disappointment”? We can actually check that. The BBC’s website has a monthly summary of complaints received. So what did they receive in January 2017, the month S4 aired?

Huh, what do you know. Sounds like that blanket response was exactly the “fuck you” it came across as.

But the show--the FANDOM--had filled a need in my life, and so I had to own that and make it mine, or just...let something in me die: something that felt like an actual vital organ. I had to decide that these characters mean something to me beyond what anyone else tells me they should. I had to accept my own perceptions as truth, as I do with everything else in my life. I had to overcome the idea of canon as law (BBC Sherlock isn't canon anyway; ACD is canon. BBC Sherlock is, in the end, badly written fanfiction--or--worse?--decent pre-slash fanfiction distorted by consistent lies and the hazing of the LGBT audience, topped with the dumpster fire of S4′s incoherent nonsense).

I had to take the good and throw away the bad, just like anyone else who chose to stay. The good bits of the show...dialogue, yes. Plot points, yes. These awful writers did write some good stuff sometimes.

They just broke all the unspoken rules of what not to do to your audience. And then did and said everything they could not to apologize, and to justify their own failings. Which, in the years since I began shipping queer ships beyond any others, I have unfortunately experienced more than once.

So, my vulnerability has been yeeted into the vacuum of broke-my-trustdom: no one can tell me what things should mean to me. I will decide.

I decide that all of the FUCKING AMAZING writing in the Sherlock fandom is a staple in my life that makes it worth living. And that that's okay. And takes precedence over anything the writers or anyone else associated with the show could ever say or do.

Johnlock can not be taken away. It doesn't belong to them. It never did, even if they brought us to it. It belongs to us. To the group of amazingly creative, brainy, empathetic, resourceful, vibrant, resilient people who make up this fandom.

So thank YOU, all of YOU, for giving me Sherlock, Johnlock, and TJLC.

I am SO SAD for those who never found a way to make peace with this fandom again. Let me just say that I understand that inability entirely.

I am fortunate that I found the ability in myself to cling to the joy (something it has taken my whole life to be able to do). I hope others will who haven’t yet but wish they could.

Let Mofftiss and whoever sides with them stay angry and bitter and vicious, always looking over their shoulders for anyone who dares to whisper about subtext.

I’m proud to be part of what they’re whispering so angrily about.

Thanks for sticking it out if you made it this far. I know this was very self-indulgent and rambly.

Articles of interest:

A Study in Queerbaiting (Or How Sherlock Got it All Wrong) by Marty Greyson

“We never played it like that.” - Martin on Johnlock

Henry Cavill on the Enola Holmes lawsuit

More on that--and by the way Sherlock isn’t allowed to like dogs

The way Sherlock creators told fans Sherlock & John aren’t gay is so rude

Especially for those new to the fandom who may not know the distinction between TJLC and Johnlockers and want to know more about TJLC's evolution/what it is/meta through the years

Moffat's view on asexuality, offensive to me in particular *as* an asexual person (same article where he claims he isn't misogynistic): "If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

Yet he says Sherlock isn't gay or straight and that he's trying to keep his brain pure which is a "very Victorian attitude"

(Nice historical research there, Moff--actually the Victorians were sex-positive).

Sherlock fans were robbed of the gay ending they deserved

Benedict Cumberbatch has lashed out at his Sherlock co-star Martin Freeman over his negative attitude towards fans

BBC complaints January 2017

Martin Freeman: 'Sherlock is gayest story ever'

From 2016: UNPOPULAR OPINION: "Sherlock" Isn't Sexist or Queerbaiting; It's Actually Trying to Stage a Revolution

Queer-baiting on the BBC's Sherlock: Addressing the Invalidation of Queer Identities through Online Fan Fiction Communities by Cassidy Sheehan

[sugarandspice-games]

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*