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friendly-neighbourhood-spiderm4n · 2 years

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Hi! Do you think you can do a reader x Dustin from stranger things season 4 where he finds out you have a crush in him but it would be like that one scene where Erica was gonna tell Dustin what he found under Lucas’s bed but instead of that ur close friends with Erica and she threatens to tell Dustin and Lucas what she found in ur diary saying that u liked Dustin, Dustin finds out by asking later tho ofc

A/N - Ending is rushed, I’m sorry.

“Anything?”

“Nothing.” Dustin placed the Walkie Talkie down on the kitchen counter, and leaned over it. The room was silent for a moment.

“You don’t they went through…” Lucas asked.

“Through Watergate? Without us? Without a plan? Without Weapons? They wouldn’t be that stupid.” Dustin stated firmly.

“Yeah. They barely know anything about the Upside. Especially compared to us.”

“Exactly, they must just be trying to lay low cause the law got us.”

“‘The Law?’ What is this, Gunsmoke? The Stupid and the Ugly? Should I round up the posse? Shuffle the horses?”

“Erica. Please, just go away.” You said, Erica didn’t need to know. Otherwise, she could get hurt.

“Here’s the deal. Either you tell me what’s happening or I tell Dustin and Lucas what I read in your diary.

You tensed up at that. Had much did she read? It’s not like that would matter though, most of the pages were about Dustin and there were many drawings.

Dustin and Lucas both looked, the former more surprised, probably by the fact you have a diary and the latter more so curious to what was the actually context of his sisters deal.

You tried to shallow the lump in your throat, hoping it’s help with your nerves. It didn’t. “Please, no.”

She smirked at you. “Spill your guys, Cowpuncher.”

“What’d she find in your diary?” Dustin asked, causing your face to burn with embarrassment.

“Nothing.” You defended terribly.

“Is it gross?” Erica nodded to the curly haired boy’s question. “Scale of one to ten.”

“A hundred.”

“A hundred?” Dustin asked in disbelief.

“The serial killer is a dark wizard from the Upside Down. And we’ve been looking for him, but he’s in the upside down, which we can’t reach. At least we thought we couldn’t, until we found a gate at Lovers Lake. That was the reason why we were there, but these stupid cops grabbed us. And if you tell anyone about this, that’s including Your mom, and your dad and Tina… especially Tina, I… will smother you in your sleep. Do you understand?”

Erica hummed thoughtfully, resting her chin on her curled up hand.

“Erica? Do. You. Copy?”

“The smothering me in my sleep part, but no much else. Why would they open up a gate at Lovers Lake?”

“What?”

“The commies.”

“The commies didn’t.”

“Then who did?”

“Nobody.”

“So it just opened up for fun?”

“Erica, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“No, she doesn’t, yet she raises an essential question. How did Watergate open up? Only two gates have been opened, so far as we know. One by El, one by the Commies. But it’s not the Commies or El this time, so it…”

Dustin paused, thinking somethings up. “Holy shot. Wait, wait, wait, wait.”

“‘Wait, wait, wait,’ what?”

“There’s one thing we’ve never understood. Which is why Vecna’s killing people. What’s his motive? Killing teens? It always just seemed to random. Too prosaic. On top of that, how does the Mind Flayer figure into all this? Maybe this is it. This is the answer.”

“What is the answer?”

Karen entered the kitchen, Powell behind her, requesting some drink as she named out options. The four moved to the staircase, avoiding the two adults.

“Okay, just hear me out. How did El open the Mothergate?”

“She contacted the Demogorgon.”

“With psychic contact. Just like…”

“Like Vecna when casts his spells.”

“Exactly.” Dustin hummed, grinning at you. “So, what if, with each kill, he’s not simply killing them, he’s making a powerful psychic connection with his victims? A connection powerful enough to rip a hole in the fabric of time and space.”

“He’s opening more gates.” Lucas concluded.

“Bingo.”

“Y/n, we got to talk dude.” Dustin ran up from behind you as you had been pretty far ahead of the group.

“Yeah?” He walked beside you now, catching his breath.

“What was it that Erica found in your diary? You seemed really worried she would tell us.”

“It’s nothing important, just puberty stuff, y’know.”

Dustin gasped. “Did you start your period?”

“I already told I did when we were like 12. You thought I was bleeding to death cause I had a red patch of blood on my pants.” You laughed, remembering his horror stricken face when he told you.

“Oh yeah, I had a few nightmares after that. I had to ask my mom what a period was cause you missed the part in explaining it to me.”

“Oh, yeah you’re right. I completely forgot most guys aren’t taught that stuff. Sorry about all that.” He grinned at him, to which he returned.

“What other puberty stuff could be in that diary of yours though. I mean, I’m even apart of you first period story.”

“Y’know, crushes, and stuff.”

“Who? Do I know them? Does any of us know them?”

“I guess, yeah?”

“I’m gonna name random people, don’t get offended please. Gareth, Jeff, Jason-“

“Eww, stop Dusty. As if I’d ever have a crush of that douchebag.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry y/n/n.”

“Haven’t heard you call me that since forever ago.”

“Yeah, I guess we don’t talk as much as we used to. Like I’m busy with the Hellfire Club and so are you. But you’re also busy with babysitting and looking after your dog.”

“I miss hanging out, riding our bikes, playing Dn’D in Mikes basement for 10 hours. I miss our sleepovers. I miss everything before all this stuff happened with the upside down happened.”

“Me too.”

“I found it.”

“What’d you find DustyBun?”

“Your diary.” He deadpanned. He watched as the smirk fell of your face, your facial expression full of worry.

“Did you read it?”

“Didn’t have to. Erica saw me with it, assumed I read it and told me your big secret.”

“Which is?”

“You’ve liked me since we were 10. Around 5 years ago it seems to have started, according to what Erica told me.”

He starred at you, as he tossed you your diary. You didn’t make an attempt to catch it so it hit the floor right at your feet from where you sat in your families lounge room.

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

“I thought you would think I’m weird for liking my best friend.”

“Y/n it’s been 5 years, I don’t think crushes last that long, I honestly think it could be love. I asked Nancy and Robin. I obviously didn’t go to Steve or Eddie, they would on us for it.”

“Yeah, they would.”

“Why do you think I don’t like you?”

“Cause you would have had said something otherwise. You’re always so honest about the girls you like.”

“Expect for one.”

“Yeah? And whose that?”

He just started at you, waiting for it to click in.

“If you’re talking about me, then yeah right, you’re just tryin’ to make me feel less worse than I do.”

“I swear on my moms life y/n, I’m not joking.”

You chanced stay look at him. He was sitting next to you by this point. He looked to be telling the truth, as well as nervous.

“And if you are telling the truth? What do we do? You know just as well about anybody in this town that I have never been in a relationship.”

“It would me very happy, and glad, to be your first boyfriend, as well as your first kiss.”

“Did Erica tell you that too?”

“Nah I read that.”

“So you lied?”

“Mhm. All for your love.”

“Sounds like a cheesy romance movie stereotype.”

“That sounds absolutely lovely to me, y/l/n.”

“So, boyfriend, what do we do as a first date?”

“We could go annoy Steve and rent a movie, girlfriend.”

“Sounds like a plan, mr. Charmer.”

#stranger things #dustin henderson #dustin henderson x reader #hellfire club #hawkins

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ivyaugustetc · 3 years

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the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

#dead poets society #dead poets society headcannons #todd anderson #neil perry #gerard pitts #charlie dalton #nuwanda #knox overstreet #steven meeks #stephen meeks #richard cameron #james stuchelli #ginny danburry #chris noel

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milkiane · 3 years

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so i am feeling incredibly emotional rn so, here’s an appreciation post for my favorite people. (this have been in my drafts for three weeks now) -- so why not post this along with my sleepover <3 sleepover bash

@chokemepansy

need i say more? no— but i will anyway. asteria, my mean cheerleader girlfriend, you are the first moot i’ve ever had, and honestly, i wouldn’t have it any other way. you're my favorite person in the entire world, and pls i am getting so emotional rn, i hate you >:-( i’ve told you everything at my previous letters but i just want you, and everyone else who’s about to read this, to know that you’re my platonic (and quite possibly romantic) soulmate, and my other-third, because pansy owns the shit out of us. love u lots, don’t say it back <3

@accioweaslcy

my favorite headcanon writer 😩 pls alyssa, i’ve had, and still do, have so much fun talking with you. i really, really, love your company, i love your writing, and most especially love you. you were one of my moots that talked to me with such ease and comfort despite being a tad bit younger than you, and it’s been fun ! you’re like one of those seniors who befriends juniors, but still have this amazing (and envying) friendship with each other. not only that, but you being my friend, and me being a dumbass, made our own version of the golden trio with @weasleyyy ! now, this is a story i’ll tell my kids. love u, even if you choose to chomp me <3

@weasleyyy

gHAZAL ! now, are you thankful for me being a half-asleep dumbass who thought you were rose because of your similar urls before, or what ? because i definitely am PFT SJSHSJSHSJN anyways, i’m so happy to have you in my life. i’m a sucker for your chaotic and impulsive energy, and your little thoughts about the hpu. just like rose, thank you for acting just as yourself around me, a smol bisexual mess, because i really do appreciate it, and now you made me a fanclub— which btw, i still cannot get over with. i wheeze everytime i remember it. i love u, madame gazelle, even if you’re a mean li’l fuck ! <3

@amrtxntias

AAAAAAAAH heather, you are officially my unofficial soft british best friend, and no, you do not have a say in this, because you’re stuck with me forever. thank you so much for helping me with terms i need for writing. you’ve been the best, you’ve supported me through every ups and downs with my writings ever since we’ve met. it wasn’t even too long ago ! but you’ve welcomed me like i was a long lost friend of yours. love u, h, the lily to my marlene <3

@buckysbeloved

aliciaaa !! you’re honestly like an older sister i’ve never had. i’ve never had anyone to rant about my marvel fangirlings with, but i am so glad that you were so open with my rants and conspiracy theories. you’ve never judged me or shown any disinterest with my rambles, you’ve been so supportive and you continue to give me the same energy as mine. it’s a very little thing to fuss about, but lish, you’ve got to know that it means so much to me. i’m tearing up— blame the hormones. but really, i’m so grateful for you and your company (and your maxibaby fics). love u to the moon and back ! <3

@acosmis-t

isa isa isa isa isaaaa, pls i love u so much. that’s all i want to say, but ofc, i need to say more. you have been one of my best friends— we clicked the moment we spoke to each other and i was incredibly happy to be your moot. i couldn’t even believe it at first because you’re this rly cool writer with tons of followers and i’m just another user in the crowd but like, everything i want to say is beyond the words that want to come out of my mouth, so i’ll leave it with a thank you for choosing me to be one of your mutuals. thank you for blessing me, and the others, with your lovely fics. never stop doing what you love, i’m here for you always. always was, and always will be. i mean, it should be with the jointed graves and all. love u <3

@reguluscore

SOOOORINNNN. sometimes i question what’s happening inside your head. like one second your posting angsty fics and thoughts, and next thing i know you’re posting a dancing prongs gif. i’ll never understand, i reckon, but that’s alright, i’ll love you just the way you are, even if you break my heart with your angst. tell me who hurt you and i’ll beat them up. i love u so much, i’m still listening to your playlist, because it’s astronomical. sending you some forehead kisses <3

@inks-and-jinx

vivian !! i’m still beyond grateful for you and your artistic and writing talents. you’re such an angel, and i’m so incredibly happy to have you in my life. you’re a sweetheart. you’re every sweet-soft-fluffy nickname there is, because honestly? i cannot speak well, or think straight because i don’t think words can describe how lucky i am to have you. well, i love u, and that’s all i could comprehend <3

@comfortwriting

karis ! you’re honestly one of my fave moots because you never fail to make me so appreciated and loved. your out of the blue messages always make me feel so happy because you’re so wholesome and nice. i’m very, very, glad to have you in my life. thank you for always being there to be my personal therapist and my human diary— who listens to all of my writing ideas, even if i have tons of wips to write. thank you for inspiring me to write again, without you, i would’ve never find my passion for writing again, so thank you, thank you for being the sweetest person there is, i love you ! <3

@krasivayadarling

ANYA ! darling, you are one of the very first mutuals i’ve ever talked to, you’ve welcomed me with open arms when i was new here and i wouldn’t change anything in the world. i’m so glad that you were the first person i’ve ever talked to because you are practically the human form of a squishmallow. don’t question me, you’re my squishmallow. anyways, you’re such a lovely person and i’m very happy to have you in my life, love you ! <3

@cursestothemoon

cHARLY-CHAR !! hehe you are like one of those nice, cool, senior students in school, you never fail to make me so giddy and loved. i’m so happy to have you in my life, and i’m wishing you all the happiness and love in the world because you truly do deserve it, especially when you’ve been nothing but so kind and friendly. pls i feel like crying because i don’t know what i did to deserve you. I BLAME U AND UR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS FOR MAKING ME SOFT >:-( i love you tho <3 — also thank you for that play fighting blurb with fred, i didn’t know that i needed to bite his cute butt until i read it.

@sunflowergirl522

ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ! I LOVE YOU. i feel so complete when i read your peter fics. i always look forward to them because it’s not everyday you find someone who actually writes him so good, and i know we don’t really interact much, but i feel like i got to know you more through reading your fics. u better trust me when i say that i’ll be your personal hype woman and maxibaby supporter, because i am, and i will forever be ! love u <3

@fives-cup-of-coffee

amelia, you bitch, i love you. to be honest, i've never really expected us to be friends, but ofc, here you are, simping for me and now we're besties. you've been, and still are, so fun to be around with-- only because i get to tease the shit out of you >:-) anyways, thank you for keeping up with my utter bullshit, i'm here for you always, i hope you know that. love ya ! <3

@moonvicake

wAHH-- sasha, hi. pFT JSADHJSAHDJH SORRY BUT PLEASE I LOVE YOU, DID YOU KNOW? it's been so painfully awkward at first because believe me, i'm the most gauche person you'll ever meet if we talk for the first time, but as soon as we grow accustomed to each other, you'd wish that you never spoke to me, because i'm this hot fucking mess, so thank you for keeping up with me. you're one of my favorite mutuals in here. i love you more than puppies and hello kitty pancakes <3

+ my mutuals who’ve been such amazing people, we haven’t talked as much as the tagged moots but i love you all just as equally, you lot mean the world to me, and i’m willing to go on the ends of the earth for all of you <3

@anchoeritic @babyjordy @frankenkyleluvr @ronsbadidea @kc-needs-coffee @nevilles-top @weasleyclaw @sweetnspicysimp @redbullchick @willowbleedsonpaper @weasleysandwheezes @daffodilmoons @incorrectpeterparker @dracosaccount @cedrics-grave @pad-foots @peepeepotter @oldschoolkiddo @spideyspixies @daltonacademia @eunoniaa @love-peachh @george-fabian-weasley @mayonnaise-and-anarchy @darthwheezely @thotbutpurple @l0ttadreamz @daisyyy2516 @prettywhitedoves @band--psycho @widowdays @loveboyhalo @gxtitobxby @fandomvariousness @nothinghcppens (i passed the 50 tags rule, eek— i’m sorry, i love all of you whom i didn’t get to tag, though 🥺)

#mutuals appreciation post ! <3 #amourtentiaa’s sleepover bash <3

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lochnessies · 3 years

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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don��t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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kiriluvbot · 3 years

Text

NO ONE ASKED BUT IM HERE TO SUPPLY ANYWAY!

sero hanta headcanons for the soul

- asexual, pan-romantic!

- uses they/he pronouns (didn’t know they could have different pronouns until he met tokoyami, and they spent their entire first year having a crisis over it)

- i know it’s old and overused but this kid is a hufflepuff, through and through

- CHILD OF APHRODITE. i take no criticism.

- a heartthrob among his entire grade, not just class A, but B as well, and the general course, and the business course,, AND the support course. everyone loves sero hanta.

- a natural charmer but is literally not aware that they make everyone within a 400 meter radius of them swoon

- until kaminari tells him in their second year. homie. youre fucking hot. and mina says, use it to your advantage. SO HE DOES.

- third year sero hanta is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you. using their charm along with their natural ability to just. Befriend anyone (including a brick WALL tbh) to get his way. they get their way, they Know Everything. everyone knows his name by the time he graduates.

- The Older Sibling friend. not quite the mom friend or even the dad friend, but the older sibling. he’s a constant source of comfort and dependability among his class, but theyre also an agent of chaos that likes to cause problems On Purpose just to see what’ll happen. they never get caught being the instigator tho. no one can ever catch him.

- likes to watch aforementioned chaos from the sidelines. a mediator and an excellent negotiator. keeps his friends (cough, bakugo) from murdering each other or other people (cough, monoma)

- i like to think he’s the eldest child with two or three younger sisters and maybe a baby brother. their parents divorced right before sero started high school, and he and his siblings live with their mom. she’s a real lovely lady.

- since he’s the eldest, he kinda knows how to take care of people. sick people, sad people, hungry people. they can read and understand people really well if they really matter to him.

- most of the time there’s just wii music in their head tho

- they weren’t super great at prioritizing themselves/taking care of themselves when he first moved in to the dorms, but with time and help from his friends, they keep getting better at it

- sero gets his looks from his dad and his attitude from his mother. again, i imagine she’s a real lovely lady.

- their love language is physical touch! with so many younger siblings and his natural Eldest Sibling Vibe, it’s only natural for him to be super cuddly and affectionate!

- while it may not be their love language, sero also probably really likes spending quality time with his friends. they like going out, they like being loud and having a blast, but the kid also wouldn’t mind sitting in his room with his friends in silence while everyone did their own individual thing.

- the kind of person that sleeps with one pillow only and one blanket only

- probably runs warm, kicks off the blanket in the summer time. either sleeps on his back stretched out like a starfish or curled into themselves like a baby. no in between.

- has a pair of underwear they call their “lucky underwear” and it’s just a pair with spider-man’s face as the pattern.

- the kid does not have regular chairs in his dorm. it’s bean bags or the floor, man.

- they also have a hammock . i’ve seen this repeating trope in every single fic i’ve ever read

- keeps a stash of snacks in his room! but it’s a trade system. kaminari gets m&ms for cheek kisses, kirishima gets beef jerky for his most rib crushing hug, and todoroki gets gummy worms if he shares his manga.

- has led lights that are connected to his speaker and changes color every time a song changes

- has only three playlists. only three.

- they’re titled, respectively: “u yearning bastard,,” “monch monch”, “for pissing bkg off”

- he still listens to the jonas brothers, lots of big time rush, but also fleetwood mac and abba. frank ocean, lorde,,,, but also. they know every word to both mama mia soundtracks.

- absolutely adores horror + romance movies and not much else

- he tries getting into star wars for kirishima’s sake but he literally cannot keep up with the plot for shit.

- can quote the entirety of the notebook with mina (it infuriates bakugo to no end when those two ask to watch it for the fifth time in a week)

- has never tried an energy drink in their life, absolutely refuses to because caffeine makes him Shake and he hates the feeling

- drinks a lot of tea tho! with momo and todoroki!

- favorite snack is oranges. this kid always has oranges.

- aside from satou and bakugo, sero is probably one of the best cooks in their class

- resident pretty boy. did i mention everyone loves them? seriously. he even has the ever so stoic shouto todoroki pining after him.

- had a huge growth spurt the summer after second year began. it pissed off all their friends because he finally passed 6’ while the others were still stuck at 5’9 or below.

- by graduation, sero reached 6’3, and bakugo was still mad, because bakugo never passed 5’10.

- really grew into himself by the end of high school, finally learning how they wanted to express themselves with his clothing style, hair and *clenches fist* piercings

- started painting his nails the summer before their third year and hasnt stopped

- glorious, curly mullet. bejeweled hair pins. jean jackets and platform docs. piercings all the way up his ears. a nose ring and a smiley. (if you don’t know what a smiley is, i beg you to search it up. it’s the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my life and i want one so bad)

- ochaco is the one who cuts sero’s hair in third year.

- he got most of his piercings alongside bakugo or kaminari, but when they went to get the nose ring, they’d gone with iida and midoriya. and when he got the smiley, he went with todoroki, who squeezed his hand when the needle went through, even if todoroki wasn’t the one getting pierced.

- one time he and denki shaved their legs and arms and Everything to see if it would make them “more aerodynamic” ( “haha dont u mean /sero/dynamic?” “shut up”)

- strangely flexible. everywhere. it makes shouji shiver and jirou gag. it makes todoroki stare with wide, disbelieving eyes.

- really bad handwriting. like. what the fuck.

- that doesn’t stop them from writing cards for each of his friends for their birthdays, for christmas. it doesn’t stop them from writing letters to todoroki (even if he ended up shredding them and throwing them away after they were finished so no one would ever find them. he wanted to ask bakugo to incinerate them, just to be safe, but they didn’t want bakugo, or anyone else, that he had written love letters to shouto todoroki.)

(....not until after they confessed and finally started dating in their third year.)

- finger guns. unironically.

- is a surprisingly good dancer and a passable singer!!!!!!!!

- sings in the shower. also dances in the shower, but one time they fell and hit the wall connecting his and todoroki’s room, and todoroki thought he might’ve died. came to his door and didn’t bother knocking to check and see if they were alright. sero didn’t dance in the shower for a long time after that.

- his favorite color is yellow, but they also really, really like red.

- doesn’t have a fucking phone case on their phone.

- earbuds falling apart but he just keeps putting more tape over them because they really don’t wanna buy new ones (kirishima bought him a pair for christmas because he didn’t want sero to get electrocuted from broken earbuds. sero ensured him he would likely not get electrocuted just from some earbuds, but took the gift anyway)

- smell checks their clothes like a HEATHEN

- is in love with shouto todoroki.

that’s all :) sero hanta is my number one best boy and i love them dearly.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #hanta sero #sero hanta #sero #sero headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #sero hanta headcanons #long post #bakusquad

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woozi · 3 years

Note

Um this might be annoying but your descriptions on that mutuals as svt members was so wholesome! So I thought if you could name your mutuals and say what you like abt them? Your favorite thing about them kinda? Idk I thought it was cute but you don't have to do it if you don't want to ! 💚💚💚

i went through my following list and i think these are all of my carat mutuals/friends <3 i only included those who i'm mutuals with here on this blog, but with that in mind i hope i included the right people/and all of you! if not, i may have gotten confused with your main and sideblogs. :/ i divided this into 4 sections (because that's how i think of them in my head, lol). so, without further ado, here they are in the order of my following list (from the most recent):

caratblr

@leechaerok (mirelle) - mi!! i love how you are always striving to be positive and that this is something you share and extend to other people! you literally remind me of sunshine and i hope that only good things are coming ur way. ily!!

@ohoshi (cora) - cora my naughty (IN A PLAYFUL WAY) friend <3 cora's really fun to talk to and she keeps you on your toes. idk why i didn't follow her earlier (i didnt know i wasn't following her jsdjkdsjsdk). extremely talented!! also love the upbeat vibe.

@soonyoungs (cara) - same with cora, i've been seeing cara around but never got to interact with her until recently! i love how versatile cara is and how she always always always appreciates even the little things. 10/10 would let her visit my home again <3

@wrongnanab (aya) - i get mom/older sister friend vibes from aya and i think it suits her a lot. she’s also not afraid of reaching out and i love that sm about her!! i relate to her a lot and i love how she’s always there.

@junhaoshua (e) - something interesting always comes up every time i speak to e! i also love her initiative and how well she manages her time. she’s really passionate about the things she likes and i love how she can get people to be interested in them too!

@choibeomgyus (kale) - kale has excellent taste! i love her aes so much. <3 her work is particularly right up my alley and i just love how clean looking they are. kale’s also such a sweet friend, and she’s not shy about showing affection. i love her sm!!

@dokyom (izy) - izy’s one of the first carats i first followed when i got into caratblr and i’m so glad to have made that decision! her work always wows me and although we haven’t talked much, she’s one of the people i always look out for in here.

@seohoshi (nele) - nele, my mutual at heart. <3 the way we became mutuals is so funny and memorable to me, and i can’t say that about most people! i really like the way nele presents herself as well. she can have fun while still being collected, which i find really interesting. i think she’s someone who brings stability, but i can’t really explain why i get that from her. <3

@art-hao (carrie) - goddess on earth. so elegant. a literal virgo. i love how carrie doesn’t want to be too invested in one single thing. that being said, she’s multitalented, yet is skilled in each of the fields she’s venturing in. she also speaks what’s on her mind, and i admire that a lot. what can’t this woman do :/

@svtreasure (kate) - kate is one of the first people i got to talk to here on caratblr! and although she’s not on here that much, i always look forward to seeing her. i feel like i have to protect her like a younger sibling <3

@uriboogyu (lee) - lee definitely has feisty younger sibling vibes which i think is so cute! like carrie and e, she’s not afraid of saying what’s on her mind. lee is also such a go-getter! the future is very bright for this one <3

@smallkore (kore) - i remember first talking to kore after she tagged all 3 of my active blogs in one post, and i thought it was kind of funny <3 kore is super talented and entertaining! i also think she’s super interesting, and i love her strange picture collection. <3

@rq-s (katrina) - katrina is also one of the first few people who i interacted with here on caratblr! she is so supportive and always has a nice word for everyone. even though she isn’t here much, i always like seeing her around <3

@boosbin (isa) - iconic. legend. will kick your ass. my beloved <3 isa is SUPER talented and she never fails to amaze me. she’s also very relatable and is super fun to talk to! idk i’m just really fond of isa lol

@dk-s (zay) - i love zay’s sense of style and her overall aesthetic! she also is really smart and gets really invested in her interests. i love her dedication and initiative!

@scoupsy (dreamy) - dreamy and i haven’t really talked much aside from interactions here and there, but she’s someone i really admire. i love how she doesn’t take anyone’s shit and knows what she wants. she’s really skilled in her areas of interest and takes pride in her excellent work. love that about her!!

@julyprince (madison) - i was really shocked when madison followed me back because i love her work so much! i love how she is so consistent and dedicated (honestly, the constant 9 sets say it all <3). she’s intimidating at first, but she is actually so nice and likes reaching out!

@xuseokgyu (belle) - one of my treasured moots. belle is literally the seok to my soon. <3 she doesn’t know it, but i was kind of shy during my earlier days in caratblr, and she encouraged me to be myself just because she was always reaching out to me. i see belle as someone who really nurtures and is just a reliable older sister for me!

@haniehae (anna) - also one of my favorites <3 anna doesn’t really need too much words but u can always feel the love from her by her little tags here and there. she’s also super supportive and very appreciative of the little things! anna is such a cute person to have around. i lalso love how much work she puts into caratblr. also an amazing dancer oh my god???????

@jaemtens (kevin) - like dreamy, kevin and i haven’t really talked much, but i always love seeing him on the dash! one of the people i admire. it absolutely blows my mind how he has a phd (about to have one? :D) and that he’s still somehow able to make gifs (BEAUTIFULLY!) consistently. love that dedication, wish that were me!!

@tearsofsyrup (vi) - vi thinking of me and tagging me on cute stuff really just makes me feel so :’>. i love how easygoing vi is and i just feel light whenever we interact!!

@soonhoonsol (chey) - everyone’s bestie!! chey literally is the go-to person on caratblr. idk how she manages to do it but she’s always so nice to everyone and really does go out of her way to make everyone feel comfortable! chey has a special place in my heart, and my stay in caratblr wouldn’t be the same without her. <3

@iiasha (emily) - you all don’t understand how much i LOVE emily. i can’t even explain why i love her i just do. she’s also one of the first people i followed when i came on caratblr and i’m so glad to have met her here on our own personal hellsite. emily’s the perfect balance of smart, cool, and funny (this sentence sounds lame as fuck but idk how else to put it)! i appreciate how much she likes her job and that’s something i hope to also imitate! i’ve said it before but i also really love how generous she is. emily also made my stay here on caratblr very enjoyable and i always love reading her text posts <3 i think tumblr junation would nearly die without her so go thank her rn. (she also spotted me turning full dinonara without me even noticing that i am one so. <3 /mwah/)

@coupsnim (izzie) - izzie gives me calm artsy vibes. her work is always stunning omg. queen of red lips (and i think it’s so fitting bc it suits cheol the best imo???). ALSO love how much she loves cheol!! izzie’s just a sweetheart. <3 would also support ur 0 note posts, lol.

@kyeomshine (lyns) - lyns coloring queen <3 i looove how clean and cohesive her work always is! she’s also one of the people who encouraged me to stay here on caratblr (although she doesn’t know it!!). and though we don’t see lyns as much nowadays, i still think of her as the resident dk fan <3 one of the memorable people for me.

@heartgyus (rhys) - my sister (dISGUSTANG!!). my enemy. THE mutual to have homoerotic subtext with. rhys is actually my closest friend on caratblr. she’s multitalented, almost all-knowing, and has prettie vibes. i’m not elaborating anymore from here on out because i just know she’s gonna be a little devil about it on the dms. 🙄

@hanwooz (kellie & christine) - one of my absolute favorite blogs! i think of them as one of the constants of caratblr. i absolutely love their posts sm and just enjoy when they’re around!! (and how do ur gifs always look good omg tell me ur secrets pls <3)

@7ww (yasmin) - one of my favorite (if not my favorite) gfx maker!! i love how you can immediately tell something is from her because of their trademark look. we haven’t talked yet, but she’s one of my favorite carats!

@mngys (sofi) - coolest person in the world. idk why we’re even mutuals i don’t deserve this <3 sofi always has the coolest ideas and i look up to her sm!! i’ve also seen her from the birdie community before i got into caratblr so i’ve been following her for quite some time now, but we became mutuals here!

aes carats

@vixenjun (kaya) - another one of my beloveds <3 i always say kaya is funnie and sexie but she really is, and those are always the first words i think of when i’m reminded of her. one of my absolute favorites. a bestie that's close to my heart. <3

@tiddie (deniz) - i don’t see deniz posting much about svt anymore, but deniz is one of my first carat moots (i followed aes carats first). this one really witnessed my jeonghan downfall. :/ so funny. is a great friend!!

@bwaldorf (ramasha) - A SWEETHEART!! ramasha and i don’t talk much anymore but when i think of her i only am reminded of good things. i rmb how much she supported my weird posts back then <3 also iconic aes hello????

@vernons (oona) - oona and i are literally just vibing here <3 i actually met her from the aes side of tumblr before i got into caratblr (like deniz) and discovered that she’s also a carat! i really like oona’s presence and i just feel like she’s someone i want to protect. <3 also makes amazing pastries. she’s also so pretty!!!!! (i really like ur hair sm i think i’ve said this before lol) a cute friend. would send u things saying ‘this reminded me of u’, and i’d get heart attacks from it jsdjdjksd

@oldbooks (fawn) - my frog friend. i think it’s so cute that fawn shares this agenda with hao <3 also unexpectedly tags you on things and leaves cute little notes/tags that makes me want to :’). sophisticated taste!! also really friendly. ily!!

@scoups (hani) - hani is so friendly and takes really good care of her friends!! i was intimidated of her at first, but learnt that she’s an absolute sweetheart. i love how she’s also giving us sm svt content when she’s around! hani’s a supportive friend that you’ll always find yourself looking for.

@snwo (joy) - refined taste. funny text post advocate. i love joy’s vibe sm!! i first got to know her when she had a hao url and i was super intimidated of her. now she’s one of my absolute besties! aside from her impeccable taste, she’s also such a great friend. this one always has ur back. ily ms joy <3

@sataemism (sof) - sof literally the funniest person in the world!! i’m always happy to see her and she brings me so much joy. very lowkey chaotic vibe (the taemin and hoshi urls speak a lot abt this lol), and just a very fun person overall!!

birdie carats

@flowerbeom (kat) - kat, like the rest of those in this category, is someone i’ve been following for a while now as i came back to tumblr because of got7. kat and i haven’t really talked much but always interact with rb/s and likes and i love that JSDJSDKJDSJ that being said kat’s tags are always so enjoyable to read. + it’s so funny as well that when we actually got to talking we didn’t realize we had a lot in common! a very generous friend. gave me a yugyeom pc even though i’m literally from another continent. 😭

@tuanzie (joanna) - content queen. i looove how joanna’s work has a trademark look to them! they’re always so gorgeous and smooth-looking. i love how joanna’s able to speak her mind and would not take shit from people. i see her as someone brave, but not too out there! also someone you can rely on to put reposters on hit lists mwah<3

@gotseventeens (belle) - my name twin <3 belle is actually one of the people/reasons why i got into svt and i’m eternally grateful to her for that!! we’ve been talking since i first became a birdie but somehow we both have 0 recollections of our conversations JSDJDKSJKSDJ tumblr wouldn’t be as fun for me if belle weren’t around ngl. i love how she seems to be mature yet you’re also up for a wild ride with her!! she’s my own personal wonu <3

@secndlife (karoline) - i’ve also been following karoline since i was a birdie, but we only became mutuals here! i love her writing so much and i enjoy seeing her lose her mind over hoshi (mood <3)

@defgyus (val) - i often associate belle with val and i think they have a lot of similarities!! val also gives me the mature yet fun vibe. i think val’s so successful and i admire her a lot!! i love her work sm and just love how she interacts with people. very warm and homey!!

more carat moots i haven't really talked to but enjoy seeing on the dash

@emailclub (emily), @kyeomblr (maddie), @joshuahong (bea), @delicatecy (deli), @mintyseoks, @syuperseventeen (nat), @haol (mali), @svtclub (hannah), @cutiejoshi (siri), @chanswu (mandy), @jeonghannie (myrena), @squishy-woozi (kris), @wonwooo (hiba), @rameniji (rain), @cafevernon (ish), @hoshluv, @minghyu (nicole), @mingyiu (katya), @yeol (tat), @dearkyeom (kristy), @seokgyus (kai), @bbaksu (akemi), @1adyluck (sushi), @shineesbag (gen)

#i didn't know i had this many mutuals lol #and i just figured out i was mutuals with some just now sdkjkjdkjsd #also #are u my mutual anon <3 #y.ask #anon

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 4 years

Note

what about....... 💻 for thomastair, with the plot "there's only one bed"? thank u 🥺

i know we're all going off about ariadne & alastair right now but I wanted to get this posted!! thomastair fluff with a little angst. i hope you like this, it was a lot of fun to write! pls check the end for disclaimers, i also cross-posted to AO3. only content warnings are discussion of grief and brief mention of racism.

prompt: “there’s only one bed”

“You’re in luck!” the innkeeper declared. “There are four rooms left.”

“Thank you, sir,” James responded without question. Four rooms, eight people. “We’ll take them.” James paid the gentlemen and turned to his friends.

Lucie pouted. “I suppose that means Daisy and I can’t share a room.”

It was a trying journey, dragging a group of eight along into rural England, but they needed to find the portal that continued to allow Belial a connection to this realm, and their only leads were here. It was the sole way to stop Belial for good. It began as just the Merry Thieves, of course, but then Lucie and Cordelia caught wind of it, and they couldn’t refuse. From there, it was Alastair, who refused to allow his sister to go without him, despite the animosity that still sat between him and the other boys, and Jesse, who insisted that this was the only way to save Grace and free her from Belial’s - and their mother’s - control. As such, the eight of them departed. It might not be ideal to travel with so many people, but it did allow them to split into smaller groups relatively easily - unless, of course, those groups were sharing a room with each other.

Without Alastair and Jesse, it would be simple: Lucie with Cordelia, James with Matthew, and Thomas with Christopher. However, no one really knew Jesse all that well apart from Lucie, and they certainly didn’t trust Alastair enough to leave Jesse with him for a night. Most logically, the girls would stay with their brothers, but Lucie had been excited about the idea of a ‘sleepover’ with Cordelia all day. The weather was beginning to become treacherous, as it sometimes did during English winters, and they knew they would need to retreat to an inn that evening.

“Nonsense, Lucie,” Thomas said a little more quickly than seemed logical. “I can stay with Alastair, and I’m sure one of you doesn't mind staying with Jesse.” He eyed his friends. “You two should enjoy yourselves; it’s been a difficult couple of days.”

Lucie’s eyes lit up eagerly. “Oh, Thomas, are you sure?”

Matthew’s eyes had darkened and he repeated, “Yeah, Tom, are you sure?”

Alastair rolled his eyes and ignored the fact that they were solely debating who would have the displeasure of spending the night in the same room as him.

“I said so, didn’t I?” was Thomas’ reply.

“I’ll stay with Jesse,” James offered before the discussion could continue into more hurtful territory.

The innkeeper led them to their rooms, and they settled for the night.

Alastair gritted his teeth when he saw that instead of two single beds, there was one double. He sighed. “I can go ask for extra blankets; I’ve slept in worse places.”

Thomas paused for a second in confusion. “Don’t be daft, Carstairs, the bed is plenty big enough for the both of us.” He turned his head sideways. “Though it might be a bit short…”

“You don’t have to-”

“I said, don’t be silly. We’re here to rest, that’s all.”

Alastair grunted but didn’t push it further. They continued in relative silence as they took turns changing behind the folding screen and freshening up at the wash bin. Finally comfortable, Alastair settled into the armchair beside the bed with the book he’d brought along and tried to consume himself enough in the reading that he could ignore that just a few feet away from him was the very tall, very muscular, very attractive man who hated him.

It wasn’t working.

“What are you reading?”

Alastair bit his lip. He hated when people interrupted him while he was reading, but he supposed he wasn’t really reading at all, just pretending to. The cover of the book was plain, a deep red leather with no writing. Whenever he was around folks who were not his family, he was careful to position himself in a way that no one would be able to see the writing inside - writing that did not use the Roman alphabet. He always felt more comfortable with Thomas, though, for some odd reason. He sighed. “Divan-e Shams.” He tilted the book towards Thomas so he could see a bit of the Farsi poetry written inside.

“Would you read some to me? I’ve forgotten my reading material.”

Alastair flashed him an incredulous look. “What an important thing to forget.”

“Yes,” Thomas sighed. “I have realized. So…?”

Alastair rolled his eyes and did his best to translate. “My desert is without end, my soul, my heart must tear. The world here-”

“No, no,” Thomas interrupted. “In Persian.”

Alastair pushed away some of his shock. After all, Cordelia had said that Thomas had been studying the language with Lucie. “Right,” he amended before beginning again. Around the same spot, though, he cut himself off.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s just… it’s meant to be sung. It feels strange saying it.”

“Sing it, then.”

Alastair stared at him for a moment. Was this some sort of trick? Was he going to run off to his schoolboy friends the moment he was finished to laugh about what he had done? Was he doing it to get revenge? He pondered all of the possibilities, but his mind rested on just one thought: that perhaps it would be worth it, to play into some cruel trick, if it meant he could say that he’d sung to Thomas Lightwood, even just once.

“I mean… You don’t have to, but you can. If you wanted,” Thomas said quickly, realizing that he might have made Alastair uncomfortable.

Alastair cleared his throat and began to sing. He made sure to keep his voice soft and low as he made his way through the ghazal, careful to not allow anyone to hear through the walls. Cordelia would never let him live it down if she heard. He finally looked up at Thomas, who was staring at him intensely.

“That was beautiful.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Did you understand any of it?”

Thomas grinned. “Not a word.”

Alastair chuckled. “That’s alright. Mevlevi - I believe you folks call him Rumi - was a genius. He crafted phrases in a way… Well, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything else quite like it. He gives new meanings to old words and uses quite a bit of wordplay, speaking of love and loss and longing… I used to think it was a tragedy, truly, that English speakers could not understand, but now… it’s nice. Like a secret only I, and, well, Persia, have access too.” He bit back a smile as he rambled. While the books he had were from his mother, she never had much of an interest in it all, nor Cordelia, so he’d never had anyone to muse about the poet with before.

“I can see why you enjoy it so much. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard something so beautiful before. I didn’t even know you could sing.”

Alastair felt his brain sputter a bit. He’d become so entranced with the language before him that he’d forgotten that he had just sung it to Thomas. He felt his face flush, and he was grateful that it is difficult to see against his dark complexion. “Oh… It was nothing. I mean, I don’t, really. It’s just something my mum taught me.”

“It’s incredible,” Thomas said in awe, his face glowing a faint pink. “I, uh, I write songs, you know. I mean, I’ve never told anyone, least of all you, so, you wouldn’t know, but now you do. Just in my head, I mean. Well, sometimes I write them down. I’m not very musically inclined.” His face was growing redder by the second.

Alastair was careful not to grin too widely. “Sing one, then.”

“What?” Thomas squeaked.

“Well, you don’t have to, but you can, if you want to.”

Thomas threw him a quick glare for repeating his words and then took a deep breath. He was silent for a bit, but then he began to sing, careful not to look towards Alastair. “I woke up thinking you were still here, my hands shaking with regret. I've held this dream for such a long, long time, and now I want to wake up to the rhythm of a wild heart that beats, that beats like a drum.

“Your light, it follows me in darkness. I'm trying hard, but I can't win, and I've played the victim for a long, long time, and I wanna grow up from the rhythm of a younger heart, it leads, just like a river runs.”

Alastair stood from the armchair and moved to where Thomas was sitting on the edge of the bed, placing a gentle hand on his knee. “That’s beautiful, Thomas,” he said softly. “I didn’t… I know I didn’t know her, but I’m sure she’d love it.”

Thomas turned away from him sharply, his lip trembling and tears beginning to fall down his cheeks.

Alastair took the other boy’s hand, cupping it firmly between his own, as if just to say, I’m here with you. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” Thomas said, trying futilely to wipe away his tears. “We were having a moment, and then I ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he replied gently. “You’re allowed to have feelings, Thomas. You shouldn’t just push them away.”

Thomas scoffed. “What do you suggest I do then? Mask my pain with cruel, horrible lies about those who have done nothing to deserve them like you do?”

Alastair dropped his hand and stood up, backing away from Thomas. He was silent for a moment. “You’re right. You are. But I’m trying, Thomas, I really am. I don’t want to…” I don’t want to be my father, he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. “I don’t want to be the kind of person who takes my hurt out on others anymore, and I’m trying. I swear it.”

“I know,” Thomas said softly. He was silent for a moment. “I understand why you did it.”

Alastair’s jaw tightened reflexively.

“Matthew said some awful things about… about the way you look, and your father, and… the incident. You were in a bad way already.”

Alastair was speechless. He’d forgotten that Thomas was present for that. He hadn’t shared any of it with Thomas, not his insecurities about his heritage, nor his father, and certainly not the horrible, world-altering guilt over Clive’s death that still sat in the depths of his soul years later.

“That doesn’t make what you said okay.”

“It wasn’t.”

“You weren’t trying to hurt me.”

“I was not.”

“You were trying to hurt Matthew.”

He sighed. “I was.”

“And you did.”

“I did.”

“And perhaps he deserved some of it.”

“Not what I did, though.”

“No, not what you did.”

“I took it too far.”

“You did.”

“I know. I’ve known since the moment I said it. I’ve regretted it since the moment I said it.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think that it’s something that can be fixed, though.”

“With Matthew? Maybe not.”

“What about with you?”

“There’s nothing to fix, Alastair.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“I wanted to hate you because you hurt Matthew. But… I think the world is just a little more complicated than I’d like it to be.”

Alastair sat back down on the bed, though farther from Thomas this time.

“Is that… Is that why you dyed your hair? Because of the things he said?”

Alastair attempted to hide the way he physically flinched.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve-”

“Do you think he’s the only one?” he interrupted. “Do you think I haven’t been laughed at or ridiculed or worse, suspected to be dangerous or a thief, my entire life just because of how dark my hair and eyes and skin are?”

“I’m sorry,” was all Thomas could find to say. “Matthew still shouldn’t’ve said those things. I’m sorry I never stopped him.”

He’d left Alastair speechless yet again. The thought had never crossed his mind before, or perhaps it had, that Thomas could have ever spoken to Matthew about the kinds of comments he made on Alastair’s appearance. Though, the longer he pondered the idea, the more he wondered if he had held some sort of small resentment because of it, and never realized. “That wasn’t your responsibility.”

“Perhaps not, but I could have tried.”

He stared at him for a moment. Never in his life had felt so seen, so understood. In fact, he had many carefully built walls to protect against just that. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“How do you… just know everything?”

Thomas half-rolled his eyes. “I don’t know everything. I just watch, and I observe, and I try, somehow, to understand. You’re not as complicated as you wish you were, you know.”

He had a startling thought as he wondered whether anyone had ever watched him as closely as Thomas had. “Cordelia would disagree with you.”

“Hm, I just might have to share with her the secret to you, then.”

Alastair glared at him, but he was grinning now. “Don’t you dare.”

“For the record, you know… I prefer dark features. Personally, I mean.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, yes, I’m sure there were many striking dark-haired women back in Madrid.”

“Hm,” Thomas pondered in an exaggerated way. “I don’t know… Though, there was certainly an attractive dark-haired someone that I met when I visited Paris.”

“Well, I would hope so,” Alastair deadpanned. “Because according to you, we just shared a moment.”

Thomas cringed. “I had hoped you’d forgotten I’d said that.”

“Me? Never.”

“Does this… Does this mean we’re okay now?” Thomas was slow and cautious as he spoke.

“Yes, I think it does.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

“I could help you, you know, with your songs, if you wanted, once we return to London. With that one, or others. I can play the piano.”

Thomas narrowed his eyes. “You can play the piano?”

Alastair shrugged. “Well, I used to, but I haven’t in a while.”

“Why did you stop?”

He bit his cheek as he thought. This was where he should say he grew bored of it, that it simply no longer interested him, or perhaps suggest that they should go to sleep, as they were both dreadfully tired, or even whip out a line cutting and cruel. He had meant what he’d said to Thomas, though, that he no longer wanted to be so heartless and closed off. “I don’t know… I used to play a lot with my mother when I was young. Then, life got too busy… I’d still play, but usually when my parents were fighting or when something was happening that I didn’t want Cordelia to overhear. I could just… start playing and everything else would just melt away. After a while, though, it was just hard to play without thinking about all of the bad memories.”

There was more he wished to say, about how when he returned from the Academy he believed himself to be too corrupted and too broken to deserve to create anything beautiful, but this was a start.

“I wouldn��t wish to remind you of any bad memories.”

“Perhaps we could create some good memories, then.”

“I… I’d like that.”

“We should… we should probably sleep. It’s gotten late, and we’re sure to be running around all day tomorrow.”

Thomas nodded, and they both climbed into opposite sides of a bed that once seemed far too small, but now, too wide.

The exhaustion of the day finally creeping up on him, Alastair fell asleep almost instantly.

When he woke, he found himself face first into Thomas’ night shirt.

His head rested against Thomas’ chest, Thomas’ arm around his torso, their legs intertwined. He stared for a moment into the white of Thomas’ shirt, not daring to move. Should he? They’d flirted a bit the night before, but they were hardly even friends at this point. Was this too much, too far? The other boy seemed to be sleeping soundly, though, and from the sound of Thomas’ song and the circles he’d noticed under his eyes the past few months, he suspected that sound sleep might not be coming so easily to him nowadays. Therefore, the best thing would be not to move and risk startling Thomas from his rest. Besides, the room was quite chilly, and they could use each other’s warmth.

Content with his decision to not move away from Thomas’ embrace, he allowed himself to fall back into a light, peaceful slumber, however long it would last.

It lasted, he would learn, until his little sister began banging on their door.

“Booooys,” she called. “Are you decent?”

Alastair shot out of Thomas’ arms and fell onto the floor. He quickly straightened himself and hurried over to open it. “What do you want, Cordelia?”

She grinned. “I just came to tell you that Lucie and I are eating breakfast downstairs. You should get ready.”

“You could have said that through the door.”

“I know,” she smirked.

She started down the hall, and he closed the door, silently groaning.

“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked.

“She’s up to something,” he answered. “We never should have left her and Lucie alone together. They probably spent all night scheming.”

“Perhaps so,” he laughed. “Only one way to find out, though.”

Alastair sighed. “You’re right. Okay, I’ll get ready quickly and go down, and then in five, maybe ten minutes, you can follow.”

Thomas gave him an odd look, but didn’t fight it. “Alright.”

A few minutes later, he joined Lucie and Cordelia downstairs. Unsurprisingly, Lucie had her notebook and was scribbling away while Cordelia nursed a cup of tea. A cup of black coffee sat in front of the seat he was meant to sit in. He loathed English tea, compared to Persian tea it was nothing more than hot water. None of the other boys had come down yet.

“Alastair!” Lucie exclaimed when she noticed him. “Did you enjoy your night with Thomas?”

Cordelia giggled.

“I… We slept, if that’s what you are asking. That is what we were meant to do here, at an inn, wasn’t it?”

Cordelia raised an eyebrow. “Well, it was most peculiar, when I went to request an extra blanket last night, well, it certainly was not sleeping I heard from the hallway…”

“Cordelia, you didn’t-”

“I did.”

“You heard Alastair singing-”

“He was. In Persian.”

“In Persian,” Lucie said the words succinctly with no expression on her face, as if she was laying out a fact during a murder trial.

Once again, Alastair was grateful that no one could see him blush. “Did you two actually get any rest last night or did you just spend it gossiping about me?”

“Not just you,” Lucie replied. “You and Thomas.”

“Why do you keep saying his name like that?”

“You’re welcome, you know,” Cordelia declared smugly.

Alastair let out an exasperated sigh. “What?”

“It was all part of the plan, Alastair,” Lucie answered.

“It was quite brilliant, actually,” Cordelia supplied. “It was all Lucie’s idea. She knew that if we were to stay at an inn, Thomas would jump at the chance to spend a night with you.”

“And he did, as expected, without hesitation,” Lucie confirmed.

“The only issue, of course, being me, because we’d be far too obvious a pair for him to try to argue against.” Lucie nodded along to Cordelia’s explanation. “So, Lucie spent all day musing about how much she’d love to spend the night with me, just in case the opportunity arose.”

“And it did!” Lucie squealed.

“She’s been planning this since the engagement party,” Cordelia finished.

“The engagement party?” he responded incredulously. “That was ages ago!”

“And it has finally come to fruition, has it not?” Lucie babbled excitedly.

He didn’t give her the dignity of replying. “I only have one question, though - how did you know there would only be one bed?”

Lucie’s eyes widened. “There was only one bed!” she squealed as she began furiously scribbling into her notebook once again.

DISCLAIMERS: I don’t speak Farsi and the translation that Alastair makes is actually from this document. It’s the poem on page 9 and 10 if you want to check it out! Also, the song that Thomas sings isn’t mine, it’s adapted from “Like A River Runs” by the Bleachers. I tried to write something, but I’ve never experienced what Thomas has, and it’s a very beautiful song written about the loss of Jack Antonoff’s sister. You should listen to it! Though, I imagine Thomas’ version to be a bit less upbeat.

#jaimie's appreciation posts #dianasarrow #ask #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #lucie herondale #cordelia carstairs #thomastair #fanfiction #fanfic

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redrose-arrow · 3 years

Note

Duncan x Halt anon here!!! this is one of the last coherent hcs i have about these two (the rest are kinda random, just cute little things I think would apply to this ship) ANYWAY IM HAVINF THE TIME OF MY LIFE LETS GOOOO

OKAY SO CAITLYN’S DEATH. I’m imagining this is set sometime after the Early Years series, before Halt takes on Gilan as an apprentice; anyway, Duncan gets a letter one day from Clonmel and he opens it to see that it’s an invitation to the funeral of the Hibernian princess Caitlyn O’Carrick—it’s protocol that whenever someone Royal/generally important dies, a letter is sent to all kingdoms who are on good terms with the deceased/kingdom of the deceased informing them of the death (along with an invite to the funeral). This was only put in place because it’s not great fun to show up at a ball or party and be like “Hey how is [blank] doing?” only to have [blank]’s mother burst into tears and run out of the ballroom—kinda puts a damper on the evening (Duncan has learned this the hard way. He’s not keen on repeating that mistake, so he makes sure to read through all his mail carefully)

So he gets this letter, goes “Clonmel? funny, that’s where Halt is from” and puts it aside for a second to continue rifling through his mail. Then the lightbulb goes off on his head and he‘s like “WAIT, THAT’S WHERE HALT IS FROM” and dives for the invitation. There’s more information regarding the place it’ll be held (a private funeral service in Dun Kilty, which will then be opened to the public so they can pay their respects) and other details like what time, the dress code, etc etc, but all Duncan can think right now is: Caitlyn O’Carrick is gone. Halt’s sister is dead.

Then another thought: does Halt know?

Duncan is pretty sure he doesn’t—Halt doesn’t keep in touch with anyone from his past, not that there were many people he’d want to keep in touch with anyway. But Caitlyn was important to him, the one person who’d actually given a damn about him, and Duncan realizes with a growing sense of dread that he’s gonna have to tell Halt about her passing. Reluctantly he sends a messenger boy to fetch the Ranger (“not extremely urgent, but I’d like to see him by the end of the day”) and excuses himself to his chambers. Halt rolls in sometime around mid-afternoon with a “you wanted to see me?” Duncan, letter in hand, pit in his stomach, tells him to sit. “If this is about the seal that I allegedly carry in my bag,” Halt says as he sits, “then you should know that Crowley is a lying bastard who couldn’t tell a horse from a boat. I don’t know how he manages to hit what he’s aiming at with that eyesight, but—“ he cuts off when Duncan holds the letter out to him. He raises an eyebrow, meeting Duncan’s grim gaze. Without another word he takes the letter, unfolds it, and reads.

There’s no visible change in Halt’s expression; he’s stoic as always, but Duncan knows him now, sees the way his fingers tighten on the paper, knows by the way he stills that his mind is struggling to process the information he’s been given. Neither man speaks until Duncan breaks the heavy silence: “The funeral is in a week’s time. I’ve already written and sent a letter confirming my attendance at the service.” No reaction from Halt, so Duncan takes a breath and says, “I think you should come with me.” He goes on for a little about how he can station Crowley at Redmont in Halt’s absence, how he’ll explain Halt’s seemingly unnecessary company for the trip, precautions they can take so nobody recognizes his similarities to the King Ferris; then he trails off when he realizes that Halt’s not really listening, just staring blankly at the unassuming letter that brought his entire world to a screeching halt. Duncan walks over and rests a hand on the man’s shoulder: “If you decide to come with,” he says quietly, “I’ll be ready and waiting by the front gate at dawn.” He spares one last glance at Halt’s frozen expression, gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze and walks out. When Duncan returns an hour later, Halt is gone, and the letter is resting on the chair where he’d sat.

Three days later and Duncan’s ready and waiting, sitting on his horse with a pack pony shuffling impatiently behind them. It looks like Halt isn’t coming and he’s about to leave when he hears the familiar clop-clop of a Ranger horse, just as Halt rides into view on Abelard. He slows to a stop, and if the shadows under his eyes are a little darker than usual then Duncan doesn’t mention it. The two of them share a look; finally Duncan inclines his head, turns to whisper a few instructions to his chamberlain, and takes off, Halt following closely behind.

The funeral is nice enough; Duncan attends the private service, leaving Halt alone in their shared guest room, and later in the evening Halt slips away to watch the public service from the shadows. When he leaves, there’s a brightly coloured wildflower in his hand that’s gone when he returns. Duncan doesn’t ask. (He doesn’t say all that much, actually; the sight of the grave next to Caitlyn’s, a polished gray slab with intricate patterns and a marking etched into the stone that reads ‘HALT O’CARRICK, CROWN PRINCE’ has him feeling ill for the rest of the trip.)

I’m still not 100% decided on the details—I’d like to think that Duncan wanders around the castle a little bit, stopping to stare at the portraits of the O’Carrick family hanging from the walls and trying not to do a double-take every time he sees and/or hears Ferris talk. And how would Halt react to seeing Ferris again? I am ALSO not sure about this but in general I think it would just be a lot of Halt grieving quietly with Duncan standing by him in a silent show of support. (after all, it’s not like anyone else can be there—nobody else can know that Halt’s sister has died, and even if he did tell anyone the abridged version without the gruesome details, they wouldn’t fully understand how much she meant to him. Duncan doesn’t say “I’m sorry for your loss”, because he knows Halt well enough to know that the man despises empty platitudes. So he just...stays with him, and watches over him, and reminds him that he’s not alone.)

if I hadn’t already shipped Halt and Duncan because of your previous headcanon, I would now. It is absolute b e a u t i f u l.

I love Duncan’s conflicted emotions, Halt’s silenced anger - Halt’s supposed gravestone?? I never even thought of that but it’s an amazing detail. The dialogue is spot on, too.

You too, anon, THANK YOU for dropping this in my inbox. I TOO AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE

#again: what can i add to this?#it’s so so good #and already reads like a fanfic #i’m loving it #rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice #halt o’carrick #duncan #ask redrose #ask redrosearrow

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yanderecrazysie · 3 years

Note

Hello, I just binge read everything on your blog. I’m so excited for that Scp thing! If you don’t mind could I please request the yandere alphabet with nishinoya? Thanks anyway!

Thank you so much, I'm so honored!!! And of course you can request that!

I hope you enjoy this! :D

Nishinoya Yū (Haikyuu) -The Yandere Alphabet

🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, violence, implied murder, mentions of suicide.

A is for Affection: How do they show their affection for their darling? How often do they show it?

💖 Nishinoya is EXTREMELY affectionate. Like, this boy would be hugging on you at all times if he could. He's kinda clingy.

💖 He just wants to be able to touch you. I think he'd prefer his arms around you with him cuddling his face into your hair, but as long as he's touching you in SOME way he's happy.

💖 When is he NOT affectionate? That's the real question. If he's not touching you, it's not by his choice and he's not happy about it.

B is for Blood: How messy are they willing to get for their darling? Why?

🔪 Nishnoya is loyal af. Like, if you're bullied or hit on, he's having none of that. Those bullies/flirts are in for a bad time.

🔪 Would he kill? I don't THINK so. Unless, of course, he HAS to. Or he goes overboard when beating someone who had the AUDACITY to grope you into a bloody pulp.

C is for Care or Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they kidnap them? Would they mock them?

💔 Nishinoya is not going to mock you at all and he's not going to be cruel. He's a worshipper (have you SEEN him with Kiyoko?) and you'd be treated like a goddess.

💔 You'd be taken care of better than you've ever been. Everything you could ever want will be in your hand before you can ask for it. He knows you so well, after all!

D is for Delusion: How delusional are they when it comes to their darling? Do they believe their darling loves them?

💭 How delusional? Yes. Just yes. Nishinoya is one of the most delusional yanderes out there.

💭 He doesn't EXACTLY believe that you're in love with him, but he knows you will be soon. As long as he treats you right, and he sure as heck is, you'll see just how much you two are meant for each other.

💭 Nishinoya knows that you're happy with him! Your tears and begging to go home is just you being a little confused. It just means he has to try harder!

E is for Expose: How much of their heart do they bear to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? How much time will it take to trust them?

💧 You can know anything you want to if you just ask him! Even if you don't ask, he'll at least rant and rave about how amazing you are and every minuscule reason you're absolutely perfect.

💧 Nishinoya doesn't even need a second thought, a single hesitation. He'll tell you anything, anything!

F is for Fight: How would they react if their darling fought back?

👊 Nishinoya would be HEARTBROKEN. But... you're just confused, right? You're... You're just confused, yeah! This is new for you! He'll do better, he swears!

👊 He'll sit back and let you tire yourself out, just dodging you or closing you away in your room until you calm down. He'd never raise a hand against you, even if you punch him to death.

G is for Guilt: What would it take for them to feel guilty about their actions? Or do they feel guilty from the start?

😔 Nishinoya probably will never feel guilt. He's extremely delusional, like I said. He honestly believes he's improving your life by removing you from society.

😔 The only time I can imagine Nishinoya feeling guilty is if you got hurt somehow. He's supposed to be improving your life, and now you're hurt? He screwed up-

H is for Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

🔥 To be honest, it'd be hard to have a bad day with Nishinoya. He worships the ground you walk on, why would he make you miserable?

🔥 I guess resistance is futile though. You don't want to cuddle today? Well, he'll just squeeze tighter until you realize you do! You want to go home? This is your new home, silly!

I is for Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

👩‍❤️‍👨 Nishinoya really believes in a forever with you. When you both die, you'll go to heaven together. But before then: you'll grow old together.

👩‍❤️‍👨 He really cares about what you want. If you don't want kids, he won't force them on you. If you want as many kids as possible, he's your man! And he'll be the best father in the entire world!

J is for Jealousy: How easily do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

💢 It doesn't take much to get Nishinoya jealous. He's the one that loves you, adores you, and worships you. No one else treats you as well as he does, so they don't deserve to be in your vicinity, look at you, even breathe the same air as you!

💢 Did... did you just smile and laugh at his joke? Nononono- Nishinoya can be funny! And... and how DARE that guy tell you a joke? It better not have been a dirty joke either-

K is for Kidnap: How would they go about kidnapping their darling? How much do they plan it out?

🔒 Nishinoya wanted to kidnap you the moment he fell in love with you. That's probably not healthy (definitely not healthy) but he knew this twisted world could never take care of a goddess like you.

🔒 I think Nishinoya wouldn't be able to plan too far ahead. He's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. All it takes is one good opportunity and you're suddenly finding yourself in a cozy bedroom decorated in your favorite color and filled with your favorite things.

L is for Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

💌 One day you're living your normal life and the next day you've got a small guy with black hair (except that little blonde streak) trailing after you like a lovesick puppy.

💌 Can you really complain when he's giving you cute little plushies of your favorite animals, your favorite treats, lots of chocolate, and literally everything you like. Wait... how does he know what you like?

M is for Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they acted before?

🎭 Uhhh kinda sorta? I mean, his friends wouldn't expect him to kidnap you BUT it just seems to them like Nishinoya moved on to the next Kiyoko. And, considering how he treated her, it's not all that surprising to see him acting obsessive towards you.

🎭 Honestly, I don't think anyone would notice the difference in obsessions. Tanaka would think it's totally normal and be super glad he no longer shows interest in Kiyoko or his older sister. Asahi might notice that Nishinoya's love for you is way beyond even his previous love for Kiyoko but I don't think it'd concern him too much.

N is for Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

🚓 He wouldn't. You're perfect in his eyes. The most I can see him doing is giving you some "alone time" in your room, but that's honestly just to calm you down if you're freaking out. You get a break and he can't access you. So it's more of a blessing for you and torture for him anyways.

O is for Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? What rights can be earned with time and trust?

📜 You'd have free run of the house, mostly, but you aren't leaving. You're not safe out in the evil world out there, so please don't go near that locked door, okay?

P is for Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

🕊️ Nishinoya doesn't really know the meaning of patience but he'll do his best to give you the time you need. He genuinely doesn't understand why you're resisting his love so much and he keeps trying to speed up the process.

Q is for Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

🏃‍♀️ If you die, so does he. He can't live without you, so he'll follow you into the afterlife.

🏃‍♀️ To be fair, you probably can take advantage of his delusional mind and unwavering trust to escape. But that wouldn't be the end, unfortunately. Nishinoya would literally search the ends of the earth for you until he finds you.

R is for Rage: How do they act when angry? How do they calm down?

👿 Picture a toddler throwing a fit because he didn't get the toy he wanted. That's Nishinoya.

👿 You aren't getting hurt or anything, don't worry about that. You do, however, have to deal with him wrapping his arms around your legs and sobbing into them.

👿 He'll calm down when he's got his arms around you, his face buried in your hair, and you finally going limp in his hold.

S is for Soulmate: What made them fall in love with their darling? How did they first meet? When did they realize they loved their darling?

💍 You're so beautiful in your own unique way, and Nishinoya can't get enough of you. His biggest wish, the moment he met you, was to stroke your hair and soft skin.

💍 If you're a smarty pants, you were tutoring him. He specifically asked for a girl tutor. If you're not a smarty pants, he met you in class or you were both getting tutored in some sort of study group. It'd probably have to do with tutoring, okay?

💍 It was love at first sight. And if you called him senpai you sealed your own fate, okay? That's on you.

T is for Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

😭 You absolutely shatter Nishinoya's heart when you cry. He wants you happy! Seeing you sad means he's failing. He wants to try harder but you keep saying nonsense about how you "want to go home" or that you "miss your family". Why isn't he enough? He thought he was doing so well!

😭 Isolating yourself is the biggest punishment for Nishinoya. Being unable to touch you is enough torture, being unable to see or hear you? God, are you TRYING to kill him? He can't take this- please come out- PLEASE- He just needs to know you're okay! He loves you so, so much!

U is for Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

👌 Nishinoya is a worshipper x100. You could screw up as much as you want and he'll still think you're 100% perfect. You don't have to worry about him hurting or punishing you too harshly. Honestly, you're relatively safe with him.

👌 You actually have a good chance of escaping. He'll likely pick a house far away from society though and he DEFINITELY won't give up just because you got away. You better have a good plan because you really don't want him upping the security "until you get used to your new home a little more".

V is for Visit: Would they allow anyone else to visit their darling? Do they trust their darling to talk to their loved ones (in person, on the phone, etc.) or not at all?

🧳 Simple answer is no. You only need him. He's the only one worthy to be in your presence.

W is for Weakness: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

❌ You're literally the embodiment of his weakness. He's weak for you. Fake a pout or smile and he's wrapped around your finger in an instant.

❌ Although you can't negotiate your release or the ability to contact/visit the outside world, you CAN get practically anything you want. Which means you can use things he gives you to escape. Or you can just enjoy your life of being worshipped and spoiled.

X is for Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

🛐 Nishinoya would do ANYTHING for you. He would literally drop to his knees and kiss your feet- and he probably will. He may not be able to let you leave him or return to society, but he'll make up for it in every way possible.

Y is for Yearning: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

😍 Nishinoya wouldn't last long without you. He loves you so, so much and just wants you in his arms. The more you hang around others and the longer you go about your normal life, the more stressed you make him. He needs to rescue you from this awful world...

Z is for Zero Tolerance: What is the thing that always makes them snap? What things will they not allow their darling to do under any circumstances?

0️⃣ The thing that Nishinoya can't stand is you trying to escape, but he doesn't exactly "snap". It's more like a panic attack and tantrum as he drags you back into the house, begging you to explain what he can do better and what he did wrong.

🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

I hope I did okay! I think it was shorter than Akaashi's, but Noya's a simpler creature!

Thank you for the request, my lovely Anon!

#yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere nishinoya #yandere alphabet #haikyuu!!#nishinoya yu

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destiniesfic · 4 years

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132 Hours, Chapter 11

“Don’t speak for me, Duarte,” Cardan says.

“Don’t boss me around.”

Read chapter 11 on AO3 or read below:

“But, just, if I had the choice,” I say, “I would rather be apart from society.”

We’ve gone around and around a few different points by now. The latest one is the Ghost reminding me that, since betas are one in a thousand, there are only three hundred thousand in the United States, which is less than the population of Wyoming, and I don’t know anyone from Wyoming. They can and do seek each other out, but in a lot of ways, chemical and social, they’re separated from everyone else.

“Would you?” asks the Ghost.

“Well…” I trail off, thinking of the Bomb and the Roach and how they, very possibly, endured de-designation one way or another. I don’t think that’s something I want for myself, not seriously. Sure, I could do without all the complications of heat, but would I like to go through life with dulled senses, knowing most of the population was experiencing something I never would?

The problem isn’t really that I hate being an omega, it’s that I spent my whole life watching alphas, surviving alphas. Wishing I had what they had.

I look at Cardan, who’s been preoccupied with picking at dirt under his fingernails this entire time. He wears a mask of boredom. I know he’s listening, though. He’s good at playing dumb.

“I want to be like them,” I hear myself say. “No, I want to be better than them. That’s all. That’s what it is. And how am I supposed to be better when I’m—” I gesture at myself. I know I look better now than I did before, but I am far from my peak.

Regarding me steadily, the Ghost says, “There’s power in what you are right now, you know. There’s power in driving people crazy for you. A well-placed omega can ruin a political negotiation, a business merger, a marriage. Start wars.”

“Helen of Troy,” I interject. We all know how that went. “That’s soft power. But I don’t want—want…”

I shiver in my chair and hug my arms to my chest. Cardan’s voice is dark and low when he says, “I don’t think she’s up for this discussion.”

The Ghost gives him an odd look, and I say, “No, I’m fine. It’s fine.” I quash down panic; the meds shouldn’t be wearing off this soon, but there’s nothing I can do about it. “I don’t want soft power. I want to be taken seriously.”

“Well, you got us to take you pretty seriously,” the Ghost replies. “Cardan takes you seriously.”

I snort. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Don’t speak for me, Duarte,” Cardan says.

“Don’t boss me around.”

“I think that when you get to college, or at least out into the real world, you’ll find it’s very different,” the Ghost continues.

“I live in the real world,” I retort.

“No, you live in a bubble. A rich person bubble. When there aren’t as many expectations—when there are just normal people—alphas and omegas don’t have as much trouble with each other.”

I press my lips together so I can’t remind him that my mom married an alpha and it didn’t exactly end well. “But systems of oppression still exist. How many omega presidents have we had?”

The Ghost holds up a hand. “We’ve been over this. I’m not saying they don’t.” He pauses. “It wasn’t a kind thing Madoc did, sending you to Insmire.”

I blink at him. “How did you know—”

“Well, we did have to do our research on you.” He presses his lips together. “Cardan said you went to school together.”

“Oh, right.” I feel foolish, and also defensive. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cardan pick up his head. “Well, Madoc isn’t kind. I mean, he can be, but—he isn’t.”

“No,” the Ghost agrees. “If he was kind, he would have sent you to the best multi-designation or omega prep school there was. But he didn’t let you have it easy. From what I know of him, he wanted to teach you to fight, on all fronts. And from where I’m sitting, it worked. I bet your sister isn’t a pushover either. Your twin?”

I almost laugh, thinking about Taryn fistfighting anyone. But I guess we did both learn to lie pretty well. I shrug my shoulders.

“You’ve had the worst of it in high school with entitled rich kids. The real world is more balanced, and you’re more than ready for it.” He pauses. “And there is one more thing, but I don’t think you’ll appreciate me saying it.”

“Go on.”

“Mating.”

Cardan makes a choked sound.

“I don’t mean sex,” the Ghost says, with a glance at him. “I mean finding a mate. It’s something I’ve thought about, as someone who can’t have it. Sure, betas get to fall in love like everyone else, but we don’t get to have that… connection. That belonging.”

Neither Cardan nor I speak for a moment. We are both too busy looking at the ground. “It’s a lot of pressure,” I say slowly. “What if you pick the wrong person? How do you know?”

“You might.” The Ghost sits back in his chair, seeming to retreat back into himself. I have the feeling this is the most he’s spoken in one go for a long time. Then he says, “But what if you pick the right one?”

I open my mouth to reply when I am hit by another full-body shiver, and then my cramps return with a vengeance. I whimper and wrap my arms around my abdomen. “Ow.”

“She’s getting worse.” It’s Cardan who says it. He sounds newly panicked. “You have to help her. I can’t do it.”

The Ghost raises his eyebrows. “It’s okay for me to help her now?”

“Yeah, well, you were doing alright, keeping her distracted, so I guess you’re ready for more responsibility.”

I blink up at the Ghost, who’s already standing from his chair. “You were distracting me? How long has it been?”

“A good couple of hours. You like to argue.” He helps me out of my seat. “He’s not as stupid as he looks, is he?”

“No,” I say through gritted teeth. “No, he isn’t.” Standing takes most of my concentration, but I look back over my shoulder at Cardan, who’s rigid like he’s grown roots. His hands have a white-knuckled grip on the side of the chair. He nods at me, and I nod back at him and let the Ghost lead me away.

The door to our cell-room had been left open while we were talking around the table, so it’s no longer as stuffy. I let out a groan of relief when I sink down onto the mattress. My gross, terrible mattress. My itchy blankets. I am so happy to be back in a visceral way that I don’t quite understand. Because it’s my “nest,” I guess. I want to wrap myself up in the blankets and curl up in a little ball, but the Ghost is still standing here.

“We have to lock Cardan in with you at night,” he says quietly. He sounds apologetic. “Especially if it’s only me on watch. There won’t always be eyes on him.”

I shrug. “He hates me. I’ll be fine.”

The Ghost’s mouth presses into a thin line.

“Oh, what?” I scoff. “You’re taking your eyes off him right now.”

“Yeah, because I can feel his eyes boring holes in my shirt.”

I snicker. I have decided that as far as people who’ve shot me go, the Ghost really isn’t so bad. “Hey,” I begin, wincing through another cramp, determined to keep distracting myself. “Why are you doing this? The Bomb said she’s sticking with whoever you work for because she owes them. Same for you?”

“No,” he says flatly. “I’m too far in to get out.”

“That can’t be true. I mean, if you go to the police, bargain for immunity in exchange for testimony…”

He gives me a dour look that says I’m being incredibly naive. “Ask me whose house this was.”

I blink at him, wondering if the connection should be obvious and the fever is slowing down my brain. “Whose house… was it?”

“It was being built as a weekend home for someone’s mistress. It was never finished.”

“Why? What happened to her?”

He looks me over, withdrawing further into himself. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get you more medicine. You should rest. The second half is going to be harder than the first.”

“It is?” I ask, my voice sounding small and pathetic, but he has already left.

---

I don’t remember much about the next twenty-four hours. Just flashes, impressions, snippets of conversation. People are in and out of the room, making sure my water bottle is full, replacing it if it isn’t, giving me pills, for all the good they do. At first it’s the Ghost, but eventually it’s the Bomb, which means she’s come back. My ears, straining to pick out Cardan’s voice through the closed door, hear the Roach’s laugh, so he’s returned too.

It’s a bad day. It doesn’t take me long to sweat right through my dress, and it takes even less time for my shorts to soak through. The medicine can’t keep my temperature in check anymore, only drive it down to a balmy one hundred. I am miserable, and I am bored. There is nothing for me to do but stare at the wall, and even if there were, I probably couldn’t focus on it. My head feels like it’s being weighed down by a bag of rocks. The only thing that seems fully awake and alive is my libido, spiky and insistent. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this sick and this aroused. Masturbation doesn’t help. Nothing helps.

I am aware of Cardan coming back into the room, hours later. I am aware of his footsteps on the floor, the sound of him sitting heavily on the floor. I get a fresh waft of lavender; he showered again before coming in. Even though I had been dozing and wish again to be unconscious, I do pick up my head to look at him.

“Hi,” I say.

He raises one hand in greeting. “Hey.” He looks less like himself than ever, pale and drawn and wilting, and his brows are drawn. But he’s still handsome. Even the paleness benefits him, setting off his dark hair. Like a vampire. I have the urge to press my mouth to the column of his neck again.

Instead, I ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Aside from everything?” Cardan sighs. “I don’t know. The Bomb and the Roach came back, but something is weird. They wouldn’t talk about it in front of me.”

“Oh,” I say. That should mean something to me, but it doesn’t right now. I can’t fit the pieces together.

He sighs again, a longer sigh this time. “And I’m feeling like a pretty shitty alpha,” he says.

“Why?” I ask, drawing my knees in tighter to my chest. “Because you haven’t boned me yet?”

Another strangled noise escapes him. I’m getting used to those little squawks. “One, never say ‘boned’ again. And two, no.” He sounds sullen. He rakes his hand through his hair. “Because I’m not taking care of you.”

My brain short-circuits. “What?”

“I talked to the Roach about it.” He pauses. “I mean… if we were paired up, if we were doing this on purpose, it should be me. I should be helping you. Instead I have to let other people do it.”

“But we’re not paired up, and that is taking care of me. In these circumstances…”

I trail off, and he shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.”

“It sucks,” I say, as if agreeing with him. “And it’s—I’m just scared.”

He tsks, tossing his hair out of his face. “Nothing scares you.”

I pull the blankets tighter around my shoulders. “That’s not true. I’m scared all the time. It’s why I’m so angry at everything, everyone. At myself.”

Cardan is quiet for a moment, then says, “I guess I get that.”

I wonder if he does. There is a lot I still don’t know about Cardan. “If the last year has shown me anything, it’s that I can’t control anybody else’s behavior. Locke. Taryn. Valerian.” I shift. “Just me. It’s just me. I’m the only thing in my control.”

He smiles, weakly. “Slow down, Hamilton.”

“It’s Burr. And that’s not the lyric.”

“Whatever. Nerd.”

My own smile is transient. “Anyway, now I’m not even in my control. Now I have to be afraid of myself. So that… it just sucks.”

“Yeah.” After another stretch of silence, Cardan asks, “Are you afraid of me?”

I don’t answer him right away. Because the answer, of course, is yes. Yes, I have been afraid of him for such a long time. Yes, I am afraid of what he represents, the power and the system set against me. Yes, I am afraid of the way he affects me, the things I want to do, the vulnerability in me.

But the answer, in some strange way, as we have languished in our cell, has also become no.

“I,” I begin, but then there is another urgent cramp, another painful jolt of arousal on its heels, and I groan. “Oh, god.”

Cardan’s eyes widen in alarm. “You don’t have to answer that,” he says quickly. “Just… just relax. Just chill. I’ll stay over here.”

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” I manage through gritted teeth, clutching my stomach. It is, of course, worse.

Trying to get comfortable, I toss and turn for ages, but I must fall asleep through the pain because the next thing I know, Cardan is gone again, and I am holding a scrap of soft cloth in my arms. On instinct, I bring it to my nose. It smells like Cardan, that musky smell he’s taken on in the last couple of days. Warmth bursts in my chests like a firework. It’s his shirt. He left his shirt with me. What is he wearing now?

It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I nuzzle the fabric. It is not exactly soft, a little grimy from lack of washing, but saturated with his scent. I am amazed at how my brain calms just from this one, simple thing. My horniness problem is not solved, though, so I slide my hand into my shorts to take care of it, my face still pressed to Cardan’s shirt. It muffles my cries when I come, but I’m honestly too far gone to care if I am heard. After I am finished, I wriggle out of my dress, pull the shirt over my head, and promptly fall back asleep.

I doze fitfully. Someone comes to replace the water bottle, which briefly wakes me long enough that I roll around for a few minutes before I’m out again. I don’t mind that the mattress is lumpy or that the blankets scratch my skin; whenever something begins to bother me too much, I stick my nose in the collar of Cardan’s shirt and breathe in, which is usually enough to soothe me.

I’m not sure whether I’m dreaming or awake when I feel someone press the bottle to my lips and say, “Drink, Jude.” It sounds like the Roach, or maybe Madoc. I open my mouth and manage a couple of swallows of water before putting my head back down and dragging the blankets up over my shoulders.

“Is she still asleep?” I hear Cardan ask. His voice is hushed. The smell of him doesn’t bother me so much now that I have his shirt, but I do scent him and groan softly, pressing my face into the pillow.

“Mostly,” says probably-the-Roach.

There’s a pause, then Cardan asks, “Can I do it?”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I know, but I want to help.” Something shuffles, like he’s kicked at the floor. “She’s only like this because of me.”

The Roach sighs, then says, “All right. Come over, but be careful.”

I hear Cardan’s footsteps on the floor, and then a hand pushes some of my hair off of my sweaty face, dragging down to skim my cheek. I lean into his hand. It feels so good to be touched.

“Jude, hey,” he says quietly. “Can you pick your head up a little higher for me?”

There’s something beneath his voice, a dark undertow that pulls me down. I find that I want to do what he says, which isn’t a remotely comforting thought. But I pick up my head, and he keeps one hand against my jaw as he tips the jug against my mouth. A little water trickles down my neck, wetting the shirt he lent me, but I swallow most of it down.

“That’s good.” He takes the jug away and sets it back down on the floor. I can hear the strain in his words, like he’s fighting with himself. “Really good.”

His hand finds my hair again, and I would do anything for him to just keep running his fingers through it, but then the Roach says, “I think that’s enough.”

Cardan disentangles his fingers from my hair and stands; I hear him step back. “It’s just so weird,” he says. “It’s weird to see her like this. She hates—she never asks for help. I’ve never seen her vulnerable.”

“Well, her body’s treating it like a sickness,” the Roach says. “But we’re looking out for her. Another, what, day or so? Less than a day? And she should be free and clear. And hopefully by then this will all be over and we can let you guys out.”

“Yeah.” There’s a pause, and then, “Thanks.”

The Roach chuckles. “Don’t thank me, kid. We kidnapped you.”

“I know, but.” Cardan hesitates. “Is it weird that in some ways I’d rather be here than home?”

“Pretty weird, yeah.”

“Yeah.” Then, lowering his voice to a whisper, he asks, “Jude?”

I say nothing, do nothing. I want to keep eavesdropping. He wouldn’t be saying half of this if he thought I was awake. So I keep my breathing low and even, and let him say what he wants.

But he says nothing, and for a second I think he’s getting ready to leave me alone again. Then I hear him take a step—toward me—and his hand is briefly back in my hair. I feel warm lips against my forehead, soft and fleeting like the brush of a butterfly’s wings. I have to fight my every instinct not to lean up into the kiss and give myself away, but then his hand and lips are both gone. I hear the quick retreat of his footsteps, the closing of the door.

“It’s not fair,” I whisper to the empty cell. “You can’t just leave me with that.”

But he can, and he did, because he assumed I was asleep. He left me with the memory of a forehead kiss, with a whispered conversation to dissect, and a tingling feeling throughout my entire body.

“I hate you so much,” I say, curling closer around his shirt. There is no answer but my erratic heartbeat, drumming out a truth I am almost, but not quite, ready to hear.

#jurdan #judecardan #jude x cardan #jurdan fanfic #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #tfota #the folk of the air #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #mine: fic #fic: 132 hours

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amelialincoln · 4 years

Note

Are u gonna write after tonight’s episode like u usually do? hope you focus on when link left but also after the hug thanks xx

Fragile

“Because I’m not an alcoholic, I’m not in recovery…” Link continued yelling but all Amelia could focus on was how much she wanted to slap him on his very perfectly symmetrical face. As if asking him if he was drunk at 9am was such a crazy idea when he started drinking at 12pm yesterday. It wasn’t like she was shaming him or telling him how uncomfortable it really made her, she was just worried about him, more than herself. Of course she’d noticed his little guitar drinking sessions. Whiskey had been lingering on his breath for the past week every time he crawled into bed. The slamming of the front door brought her back to reality. She went to put the Whiskey back on the shelf and realized it was gone.

“Auntie ‘mels, where’s uncle Link?” Amelia turned to find Ellis standing in the doorway to the backyard and she tried to hold back some of the tears that were forming in her eyes out of frustration. “He’s gone,” She replied, realizing she hadn’t retained where he said he was going. “But he’ll be back soon.” She tried to hide the uncertainty in her eyes. “You wanna come garden?”

“Yes!” Ellis squealed.

“Alright then,” Amelia laughed lightly for her nieces sake. “Not for too long though because Scout is going to wake up from his nap soon. You go pick the bulbs and I’ll be there in a second.”

“Maybe daffodils? Or tulips?”

“Surprise me.” Amelia gushed, brushing a strand of hair out of the excited girl’s face and smiling as she took off into the backyard. She went back to the dishes she was putting into the dishwasher before her and Link’s quarrel, knocking one of them off the counter as she abruptly turned and it clattered to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. “Damn it,” she cursed, momentarily wanting to throw another one at the wall.

“Amelia.” Maggie had entered the kitchen upon hearing the noise. “You okay?” She could see that her sister was on the verge of tears.

“I’m fine,” she replied coldly, pushing past Maggie as she tried to wrap her arms around her and stormed out into the backyard. “Don’t let the kids in the kitchen, I’ll clean it up when I’m done in the garden,” she called over her shoulder. Maggie sighed, picking up the ceramic shards, of what used to be her sister’s favourite plate, before sweeping up the rest of the mess. She wondered momentarily where Link had gone and wondered briefly if he had anything to do with Amelia's abruptness. Sometimes it shocked her how little she knew the man who was raising a baby, and taking care of all of Meredith's children, with Amelia. She had no suspicion of Link being abusive, and Amelia had never seemed happier...or exhausted, but if anyone could be taken advantage of, despite being such a strong minded person, it was her. Maggie hadn’t heard the extent of the awful things that Owen had said, but if anyone needed more confirmation that she was worthy of love, it was Amelia. As Maggie gazed out into the backyard to find Ellie sitting on her auntie's lap and giggling uncontrollably, she could practically feel her blood boiling.

[][][]

Amelia spent the rest of the day doing what she did every day, cleaning, feeding and worrying. This time not only about Meredith, but about her boyfriend who drove off with a 2 6 practically full of hard alcohol without a word about where he was going.

“Bailey, leave your sister alone,” Amelia called from her spot on the lawn chair. Scout was nestled into her chest sleeping and she glanced at him worriedly to make sure he was still asleep. “Bailey, we do not pull hair!” Zola had been having a hard enough day with the heavy conversation they’d had earlier that afternoon, she didn’t need Bailey yanking on her pigtails in an attempt to distract her from studying.

“But I’m bored,” Bailey whined, drawing out the end of his sentence until Amelia wanted to cover her ears.

“Why don’t you go see what Ellis is doing?” Amelia offered, lowering her voice as Scout started to stir.

“Ellis is boring,” Bailey complained. If Amelia heard that word one more time she thought she might explode.

“We’re all bored, Bailey,” she sighed, trying to think of something her nephew could do. “Have you studied for your spelling test tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll be getting ten out of ten like Zola?” She asked.

“No, ten out of ten is impossible for everyone other than Zola,” Bailey groaned.

“Okay, here’s my idea. If you can get eight out of ten, you can have an extra half hour of screen time tomorrow.”

“Really?” Bailey’s eyes lit up like a CT scan. “Wait, eight out of ten is still way too hard.” Amelia shrugged.

“Better get studying then.”

“Fine,” Bailey grumbled. “I’ll go study.” Amelia gave him a thumbs up and tried not roll her eyes as he trudged into the house. She glanced down at Scout who was pawning for her nipple and laughed lightly before moving her tank top to the side, wishing Link could be here to laugh at their adorable boy with her.

“Hey what’s up?” She yawned, sliding open her vibrating phone to reveal Maggie’s maskless face. “You on a break?”

“Yeah, managed to squeeze in lunch,” Maggie sighed, taking a bite of her sandwich. “It’s like the great depression over here.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, Winston and I are working on a case. It’s weird but we’re working well together.”

“That’s good,” Amelia grinned, feeling better about him after their breakfast together this morning. “He fits into Grey Sloan?”

“Yeah, looks great in the navy blue,” Maggie chuckled, her eyes darting to the door and momentarily lifting her mask to her face before setting it back down. “Have to find closets to eat in at this point,” she joked. “The cafeteria freaks me out.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Amelia shrugged, shifting Scout to the other side uncomfortably.

“Is Link back?” Maggie asked, watching her sister’s face darken.

“No,” she replied simply. “He’ll probably be soon though.”

“Are you guys okay?” Maggie blurted out. “Like are you okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Amelia replied defensively, stunned by the seriousness in Maggie’s voice.

“He’s been drinking a lot, Amelia, we all noticed it. That’s not fair to you and the plate--”

“Whoa,” Amelia interrupted her quickly. “Maggie, I’m in recovery but I’m good. I have a lot to be sober for right now so I’m...good.”

“Well, I’m happy you're so good,” Maggie replied, unconvincingly. “It doesn’t really seem respectful though. Just because you’ve been in recovery for awhile doesn’t mean anything. You can relapse after being sober for years. I’ve seen it with Richard, it’s a never ending cycle.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Amelia bit her lip, surprised by how easily Maggie seemed to understand.

“Like it’s not that I feel uncomfortable having a glass of wine around you. You’ve been to parties where everyone’s been wasted, it's just...I don’t feel comfortable leaving you with someone that’s using alcohol in the same way that you once did.”

“To turn off,” The worried sister confirmed.

“He’s getting drunk by himself in the garage, Amelia.”

“I know.” She hugged Scout tightly into her chest for support and the baby gurgled with happiness at the sudden affection from his mother.

“You guys made an amazing kid.”

“I know,” her response is teary as she glances down at the big blue eyes staring back up at her. “That’s the issue. Everything is so perfect when it comes to him, until it isn’t.”

“Meaning?” The anger in Maggie’s voice caused her to flinch.

“He’s not hitting me, Maggie,” she said softly in case the kids were eavesdropping. Her sister’s demeanour seemed to relax. “Did you honestly think that?”

“No, of course not. We all love Link. He’s perfect. I just feel like I barely know him. Like deeply, you know? He’s not an open book like you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Sometimes I feel that way too. I have no idea where he is right now, Maggie. I’m worried,” her voice cracked almost unnoticeably.

“He’s a grown adult, Amelia,” Maggie answered with resentment. “He can at least take care of himself if he’s going to leave you alone with four kids for however long.” She glanced up at the door. “Look, I’ve got to go but I can come over tonight and we can talk.”

“It’s fine. Thanks for calling but just spend the night with Winston. You’ve been over enough.”

“Okay, but just text me if you need anything.” Her voice was muffled as she secured her mask and ended the FaceTime.

[][][]

Amelia glanced at her phone for what seemed like the hundredth time that day as she tucked the last Shepherd kid into bed.

“Where's Uncle Link?” Eliis complained, disappointed by only receiving three stories from an exhausted Amelia.

“He’ll be back soon, bug,” Amelia promised. “You have an early zoom class tomorrow so we can only read three tonight, okay?”

“Uncle Link would read me five anyways,” she whined, tears brimming in her blue eyes.

“Come on, Ellie,” Amelia wanted to cry with her. “We had a big day.”

“I don’t want you, I want my mom. Why did you make my mom go away?” The stubborn girl complained, rubbing her puffy eyes with her fists.

“I didn’t, sweetheart. She’ll be back soon too,” she was too tired not to tell her otherwise tonight.

“Really?” Ellis asked with a small smile.

“Yep,” Amelia nodded, regretting it instantly. “Now go to bed and time will go by faster.”

“Okay,” her niece finally caved, snuggling into her polka dotted duvet. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Amelia sighed, turning off the lamp as she exited the room and breathing a sigh of relief, momentarily lingering with her back against the door.

“Hey, Link’s voice caused her to jump. “Sorry.” He handed her a steaming cup of green tea that she drank each night. What he didn’t know was that she’d been needing some sort of beverage nightly to distract her from wanting anything else.

“Thanks.” She wrapped her hands around the warm ceramic mug and tried to step away from the intoxicating smell of whiskey that he was exuding.

“Sorry it’s bad,” he apologized, running a tired hand through his hair. His eyes were rimmed with red and he looked as if he’d just staggered home from who knows where.

“Were you at a bar or...”

“I went to Deluca’s thing,” he answered messily. “With Jo, we went and it was nice. Did you--”

“Yeah, I watched most of it, you were day drinking with Jo?” It’s not that she didn’t trust them, she knew how much Jo meant to Link and she never wanted to come between that, but did she still feel the tiniest bit jealous? Absolutely.

“In her loft. They were tested like yesterday.”

“They?”

“Jackson was there too.”

“Ah,” she took a sip of the tea and closed her eyes momentarily.

“You look tired,” he observed and she almost laughed at him.

“Um, yeah. They’re all a lot for one person,” she replied, gesturing to the four shut doors in the hallway.

“Maggie and Winston left?” He scratched the back of his head with confusion.

“They had work today.”

“Oh...right.” They stood together awkwardly before Amelia turned towards their bedroom.

“You need to shower and brush your teeth. I need a good sleep,” she yawned, not offering an explanation for why him reeking of hard liquor would cause her another sleepless night, since he obviously hadn’t put two and two together. “Wait is that--” She shut their bedroom door and crawled into bed before he could finish.

[][][]

Link finally came to bed about a half hour later, slamming his shin against the bed frame as he stumbled into the dark room.

“Are you okay?” Amelia’s voice rang out in the darkness.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he groaned, lowering himself cautiously onto the mattress and sliding under the covers. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” she rolled away from him tiredly, closing her eyes.

“If you don’t want me to keep liquor in the house I won’t,” he spoke clearly into the darkness.

“Link, I don’t need you to hide liquor or drinking from me,” Amelia sighed. “If anything, I feel more uncomfortable when you do it in secret.”

“I thought that would be better for you,” he responded truthfully.

“How would you know? You didn’t ask me.” Silence hung in the air and she debated going back to sleep.

“Amelia it’s hard.”

“It’s hard for everyone, Link. You don’t get to act like you’re the only one keeping secrets or walking on eggshells or losing people right now. People are grieving and dying. That doesn’t make what we’re experiencing any less hard. I’m going crazy. But I’m not diminishing how others are feeling by shoving my problems in their faces and comparing who has it worse. It’s not a competition.”

“Okay, did Jo tell you--”

“Jo didn’t tell me shit. I don’t have time to talk to Jo or make calls about where you are. I don’t have time to be worrying about where you are or if you’re safe while trying to keep an entire household of people together.”

“I should’ve been here today.”

“Yeah,” she tried to remove any hint of emotion in her voice. “I needed you.”

“I brushed my teeth and I used that plastic thing...that makes all the bubbles.”

“You used my loofah?” She tried to hide her amusement.

“Can you just come here?” He pleaded, opening his arms and allowing her burrow herself in his neck. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Just no more lies or we won’t make it.” He nodded, holding her closely as her breathing deepened into his chest.

#amelink #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #atticus link

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nnightskiess · 4 years

Text

santana lopez imagine

i kinda combined two requests together bc i thought they’d fit well!

a/n: this is for u elena. sorry you had to wait so long♡

also, i wanted to try and show that soft and nervous side of santana that came out at the beginning with dani, so i’m sorry if it feels out of character sometimes. (i did my best lol)

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Y/N was having lunch with her friends from back home. It had been hard to keep in touch with them now that she had been living in New York for over a year. Not that she’d complain, since she gained multiple new friends and... well, a relationship. And not with just anyone— with Santana Lopez, whose singing career skyrocketed after a duet on Mercedes Jones’ album. She got a record deal a month after and her first EP was a hit. She went on tour with her first album but had vanished off the face of the earth after her very public breakup with her high school girlfriend and her backup dancer, Brittany S. Pierce. She stopped posting on social media, she wasn’t spotted by paparazzi anymore and her plans for a second album were now off the table. It was clear to everyone that the breakup had broken the girl. That was until she walked into the diner she used to work at and locked eyes with Y/N. Santana didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else and wasn’t completely over Brittany, so it wasn’t love at first sight.

But the moment Y/N stole the show while taking the lead singing Shout by The Trammps, she knew there was something special about the girl. Was it her voice that Santana’s mind went to when she lied in bed that night? Or the twinkle in her eyes when she sang? Or perhaps the way her smile widened a tad bit more when she looked at Santana?

Santana found herself go back to the diner on days where she’d rather sit in bed and cry. She’d forget her sorrow in moments they locked eyes but could cry again when Y/N wasn’t working that day.

Santana had taken her notebook with her, the one she would never let anyone read— well, except for Brittany. It’s where most of her songs were born and where her most delicate and vulnerable thoughts were being kept. She’d never been too keen on sharing emotions with everyone, so writing them down was a great alternative.

“I normally wouldn’t ask, but I’ve seen you here with that notebook now at least a couple of times... Are you writing a book?”

Santana’s head shot up. Y/N was standing next to her table, wiping her hands onto her apron.

Santana cracked a soft smile, “No—actually, I’m writing songs... a song... well, trying to, at least. My label wants-” She swallowed her sentence, she didn’t want this girl to know about any of that drama.

Y/N seemed to ignore it.

“You sing?”

Santana nodded but furrowed her eyebrows when Y/N sat down in front of her. “Go on, then. Let me hear what you’ve got so far.”

“Oh, no no no-”

Y/N pursed her lips, “Did it happen not too long ago?” she asked after a couple of seconds of Santana trying to get out of this situation.

She rose her eyebrows, unsure of how Y/N read the situation so well,

“It’s actually been a while but it still hurts.” She caught herself confessing.

“Then I won’t pry. I’ll leave you to it.” Y/N slid out of the booth, “Oh, and— I happen to know that our strawberry milkshake is the best medicine to heartbreak. It’s on me.”

“Thanks...” Santana watched her leave into the kitchen and immediately rubbed her temples when the girl left her sight. No, no, no, no. Not again. But wasn’t this exactly the reason she had started visiting the diner more and more? To spike up a conversation with the girl? She cursed at herself, stood up, grabbed her stuff and left the diner. She wasn’t ready yet. She could take the short glances and attention, but that was the line. The only woman she had truly trusted was no longer with her, she couldn’t open up to anyone again.

Through the window of the diner she could see the girl with a disappointed expression on her face the moment she realised Santana had left. But Santana didn’t turn around and kept walking.

✫彡

“Okay, stop crushing my spirit. I wanted a nice dinner with you.”

“Then you should’ve just asked Berry over for dinner. I’m sure she’d tell you all about her awfully cheerful day.”

Kurt put his hand on Santana’s so that she would stop playing with her food. She glared at him.

“You can glare at me all you want, but we’re not going to brush things under the carpet. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Santana dropped her cutlery and sat back, crossing her arms. “We’re not talking about Britt again. You want to help me move on? Then fucking stop bringing it up.”

“No, not that. There’s something else. I can sense it.”

“Since when do you have a Mexican third eye as well?”

“Off topic.” Kurt waved her off. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Santana lowered her head and slightly looked up at him, trying to decide wether to share or not.

“Is the label pressuring you?” He tried.

Santana sighed, “Well, yes, that too.”

Kurt waited patiently for Santana to feel comfortable enough to share the rest.

“They were okay with delaying the start of my second album but now they’re starting to breathe down my neck. They say it’s been long enough and that i’m just deadweight they have to pay but get nothing in return for, which is fair— but still. I’m only human, I’m not some super song-writing machine like Mercedes.”

“I thought you loved writing songs?”

“Yeah... when I had Brittany.” Santana looked at her lap and started playing with her hands. “Now that I don’t have her... I can’t seem to even write one sentence... and when I do, they’re all just too gloomy or depressing.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. “Well, Adele wrote one whole album about her breakup which sold like Wonka bars. Who says you can’t?”

Santana shook her head, “You don’t get it. I don’t want to sing about her anymore, even though it might help me move on. But the thing is...” she bit her lip, “I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“Then write about how you can’t write. Write about how you want to feel instead of feeling like your heart has been ripped out. Write about conquering this heartbreak, like a powerful song?”

“How?” Santana looked up, tears in her eyes.

“By remembering who you were before.”

“But I’ve been with Britt for as long as I-”

Kurt shook his head and waved his hands around, “No, think of the Santana in high school. You were fierce, strong, not afraid to speak your mind but you also had a big heart. You didn’t want to show it often but we all knew yours was just as big, if not bigger, as ours. Remember how it felt every time you got a solo and when you stood on the stage? Write about that feeling. Write about feeling on top of the world again.”

“Thanks, Hummel.”

He smiled at her and squeezed her hands, “Anytime. Now eat before it gets cold. I didn’t spend two hours in the kitchen for nothing.”

✫彡

Santana walked out off the apartment she had rented after her breakup with Brittany and crossed the street. She needed some fresh air and a distraction from her song-writing. Spring was around the corner but it was still very chilly in the big city, so she held the collar of her coat while walking through the tiny park close to her block. She started humming the melody she’d just come up with. Something just didn’t feel right yet.

Santana saw people look at her as they passed by but hoped that the big sunglasses on her face would keep them guessing of her identity. No matter how much she loved the attention from her fans, she sometimes just wanted to be normal and not have to pose for selfies every damn day.

“Hey, you!”

She sighed and stopped to turn around since she’d look like a real ass if she didn’t. She half expected to be met with a group of teenage girls with their phones ready to snap a picture, but instead she locked eyes with the girl from the diner.

“I think you dropped this.”

The girl apparently didn’t seem to recognise her thanks to the shades, and she handed her a crumbled piece of paper.

“Oh— um, thanks.” Santana gave her a tight-lipped smile. She stared back at the girl.

“I know you.” (weren’t you in a movie with my sister? lmao sorry i had to, let’s continue)

Oh, no. The girl couldn’t find out that Santana was the woman who had basically stood her up after their talk in that diner.

She let out a breathy chuckle, “Do you?”

“Yeah, you look familiar.” Something in Santana hoped that the girl recognised her for being a celebrity, not for what happened a week ago.

Y/N shamelessly looked her up and down before snapping her finger.

“Milkshake girl. I recognise your voice.”

Santana smiled awkwardly. Great, now she definitely looked like a douche.

“Sorry about that, by the way... I-”

“No need to apologise. I probably came on too strong, sorry for giving you the wrong impression. I only wanted to cheer you up.” She smiled back, “It’s a shame though, it was a great milkshake.”

Santana’s expression softened, relieved at how well the girl had taken it.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you again after that... You used to come in every few days. Is it my fault? Gunther would kill me if I lost him a customer. Wait— Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”

Santana smiled and removed her glasses.

“If he ever gets mad at you, just give him a box of Yeast-I-Stat. That’ll pretty much shut him up.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, “How do you-”

“I worked there for a long time when I first moved to New York.” Santana shrugged, “I was pretty desperate for any kind of job when I landed that commercial.”

“Oh my God, you’re the Yeast-I-Stat girl!? I knew I recognised you from somewhere else, too.” The girl gasped, “I like yeast in my bagel... but not in my muffin.” She mocked and laughed afterwards.

“Oh, shut up, will you?” Santana shook her head in amusement, kinda glad those days were over.

“Is that really what you know me of?”

“Yeah, what else should I know you of? Any other embarrassing first-job commercials I should know about?”

Santana was about to mention her career but stopped herself. Clean slate. She wasn’t a celebrity in her private life. Besides, she didn’t want the girl to think she was bragging.

“No... thank God.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds before smiling.

“I’m Y/N.” She held out her hand for Santana to shake.

“Santana.”

Y/N smiled at her with the most adorable smile ever. Santana didn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes.

She blinked a few times before shaking her head, “So, yeah. I should get going.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I have to go, too...”

“Bye...”

Santana waved softly as the girl turned around and walked off.

Clean slate, Santana.

✫彡

“They’re doing a Gloria Estefan night at the Spotlight Diner. We should totally go.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but that sounds out of character for the diner.” Rachel shrugged.

“I guess they finally had a cultural awakening.” Santana was mindlessly scrolling through her phone. “They’re probably too white to sing her Spanish songs though, bet they’re gonna butcher it.”

“So that’s a no for reserving us a table?” Kurt turned to the two.

“No, I wanna go.”

“Count me in, too. I love ‘Conga’.”

Santana rolled her eyes, “That’s the only song you know of her, isn’t it?”

“No...”

“Keep next Friday night free.”

✫彡

They walked in as ‘A Bailar’ by Gloria silently played over the speakers in the background. Santana scanned the room, shamelessly trying to find the girl she was looking for. Unfortunately, she was nowhere in sight.

Kurt waved his hand and one of the waitresses came to take their order. They talked a bit as they waited for their food. Every time Santana saw a girl in the red outfit walk by from the corner of her eyes, her head would shot up, only to be disappointed again when it wasn’t Y/N.

“Tana, stop ogling everyone. Your food’s getting jealous.” Rachel pointed at the untouched plate in front of her.

A few minutes later, their heads shot to the door as Y/N bursted through it. She quickly fixed her hair that was messed up by the wind and quickly tied a white apron around her waist. Gunther came from behind the counter. Though they couldn’t hear what he said, it was clear she was in trouble. He kept pointing his finger at her chest before snatching the apron off her waist and sending her into the back.

“Oh, I bet she’s on cleaning duty now. Remember when I got an hour late because I was held up at an audition?”

Kurt and Rachel started talking but Santana wasn’t paying attention.

Santana furrowed her eyebrows until she got a call from her PR manager. She declined and a few seconds after, she got a text.

Santana’s stomach sank and she froze. New relationship? Brittany had already moved on? Yet she still spent every day moping around, overthinking everything that had happened, unable to write any song that wasn’t about the blonde. Brittany was already giving someone else all her love? How was that fair? How was she even able to do that?

“Santana?”

“You alright?”

She snapped out of it and gave them a tightlipped, fake smile. There was no time for them to question her any further as Rachel let out a startled yelp when suddenly the first notes of ‘Conga’ blasted through the diner. The lights flickered and changed colour on the beat. Santana rolled her eyes, of course they’d start with that song.

Girls started dancing through the pathways and tried to hype everyone up. Kurt was shimmying along and Rachel was nodding her head to the beat, a big smile on her face. Santana tried to blend but she was busy biting her lip to stop herself from crying.

The percussion band on the little stage started playing ‘Cuba Libre’. A girl danced her way onto the stage and sang the Spanish verse. She was clearly hispanic since her pronunciation was great. Two girls started dancing on the counter and another helped someone up—Y/N.

‘Cuba Libra’ faded into the chorus of ‘Turn the Beat Around’ to which Y/N took the lead. Santana’s frown softened at seeing the girl perform, but she still couldn’t shake the thought of Brittany off.

Santana sank back into her seat and crossed her arms, wanting to go home and crawl into her bed and not leave it for the next couple of days. She hadn’t even realised that another song was already playing and that the girls were pulling people out of their seats to ‘Get on Your Feet’.

Y/N spotted Santana in the crowd and walked over to her, but Santana wouldn’t crack a smile. Y/N kept singing to her until she’d turn around. Kurt softly shook his head at the girl, telling her that she should leave Santana alone. But what he didn’t know, was that the girls already knew each other. Y/N noticed how Santana pursed her lips, not giving in to her.

Y/N grabbed her shoulders, bent down to her height and slowly made the girl turn.

She sang to her,

“Deep in your heart is the answer. Find it, I know it will pull you through. Get on your feet!”

She leaned over to grab Rachel and Kurt’s hands, helping them stand up. Almost everyone in the diner was up and dancing right now, except for Santana. Kurt gave her a look, telling her to suck it up.

“I think it's true that we've all been through some nasty weather,” Y/N turned to dance with one of her co-workers. She felt Santana look at her and walked back up to her. She danced around her. “Let's understand that we're here to handle things together.”

Y/N stuck out her tongue at Santana’s stoic expression, trying to break her. And it worked, Santana let out a soft chuckle and shook her head in amusement. Both Y/N and Kurt held out a hand for her to take. She rolled her eyes and stood up. The four of them danced together for a few seconds until Y/N walked back to the other girls. They ended the song on the stage, where everyone left but Y/N. They went back to eating their dinner as the next few songs would be slow and easy on the ears.

Y/N sat down on the stool next to the guitarist. He started playing the soft notes of ‘Wrapped’. Kurt and Rachel went back to eating their food but Santana was too mesmerised by the girl to engage in their conversation. The soft light that was shining down on her made her look like she was the only one in the room. And judging by the look on the girl’s face while she sang, she felt like she was the only one in the room too. She hadn’t once opened her eyes the first minute, she was just so indulged in the song.

A small smile made its way onto Santana’s face at the sight. She knew how good it felt to be so into a song that you could just forget the world around you— to find your corner of the sky. It was very obvious that Y/N felt at ease, even while performing in front of people. It was rare to see people be so clearly in love with what they were doing.

Santana grabbed her phone, opened Instagram and decided to film this moment. Y/N’s face wasn’t recognisable from the distance where Santana was filming from so she decided to just put it into her story. Everyone deserved to see this.

Was this positive and uplifting enough?

��彡

‘What we know of Santana and Brittany’s breakup...’

‘Read what Brittany S Pierce has to say about her ex’

‘Santana’s social media silence over?’

‘Santana Lopez still in love or in love again?’

And many more headlines had been posted after that Friday. Santana got a lot of followers after her first post in over a year. She had also gotten a lot of hate, which was something she hadn’t missed. Brittany hadn’t said one bad word about their relationship or about Santana but for some reason she still received backlash. Brittany spoke so highly about Santana and all the questions were answered with respect. But Santana wasn’t surprised about that at all, that was just how Brittany was.

There were still people—mainly Brittany fans—who blamed Santana and made all kinds of crazy assumptions about what had happened.

“Just delete the app. You don’t need that kind of toxic energy around you.”

Y/N was filling the ketchup bottles while she sat in front of Santana.

How had this happened, you ask? One of Y/N’s coworkers had recognised her on Santana’s story and pointed it out to her. When Santana visited the diner again, Y/N had jokingly apologised about not knowing who she was before, to which Santana had replied,

“You knew who I was. You knew the real me. Not the celebrity or crazy hot girl from the Yeast-I-Stat commercials.”

After that, Santana made sure to come round when Y/N was done or only doing little chores.

Y/N loved that she got a new friend and Santana was glad that she finally had someone who she could start over with. Someone who didn’t know her from back in high school and someone who didn’t become friends with her solely for the fact that she was famous.

“I can’t. They want me to post at least once a week.” Santana groaned, “I don’t even know what to post. All I do is sleep, try to write and go here.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes until Y/N opened her mouth again.

“Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetables?”

Santana furrowed her eyebrows, giving her a look.

“No guesses? Well, they can’t ketchup.”

Santana snorted and shook her head. “Wow, okay. I’m going to pretend you didn’t just make an awful joke.”

“Yeah, you go do that while I bring these to the back.”

Santana watched her leave and sighed. The past week had been hell for Santana. She yearned for every little bit of attention from Y/N and her insides turned to mush whenever the girl smiled at her. But something held her back. She didn’t want to fall in love again. Not yet, not when she still held her high school sweetheart in her heart. But it was so hard to not stare at Y/N or freak out whenever she called her on the phone.

“Ready?”

Santana laughed at the huge guitar in Y/N’s hands. She seemed so small now.

“What’s that for?”

“You said you didn’t know what to post. You should post a little acoustic cover of that song I helped you finish last week?”

Santana looked at her, contemplating if she should agree or not.

“Can you even play?”

Y/N smiled sheepishly, “Only that song. I practiced the chords all week. But hey, if I mess up— just know that i’m willing to publicly embarrass myself just to help you out.”

Santana smiled at her in adoration. “Fine. Okay.”

They walked to the vacant stage and put Santana’s phone on the sheet music standard.

“Oh-I... I’ll scoot out of the frame if me being in it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why would it make me uncomfortable?”

Y/N laughed, “People might assume we’re together after all the assumptions about you in the magazines. That would be weird.”

Santana’s expression faltered. “O-Oh...yeah.. it would...” She faked a smile.

Y/N started strumming the guitar.

(radio silence by naya rivera)

Santana closed her eyes as she started singing. It was clear to everyone that this song was about Brittany and she wasn’t ready yet to let them hear the whole song. It felt too personal to give it away just like that. Which is why they decided to do just a snippet.

She opened her eyes and looked at Y/N when one chord sounded terrible. You could hear Y/N giggle from behind the phone. Santana smiled wide and had a hard time singing without laughing. Y/N stuck out her tongue as she seemed focused on getting the next one right. Santana unintentionally looked at her longingly the last few notes but broke out of it when Y/N stopped playing.

✫彡

Should she be thanking the tabloids? No, never. However, she couldn’t deny that they had been the reason why Y/N had even brought it up.

“Do you like me?”

Santana widened her eyes.

“And I don’t mean as friends. I mean like-like. Do you like-like me?”

“I-uh, I-” Santana stammered.

“It would be really embarrassing if you didn’t, to be honest.”

Santana gave her a wary but panicked look.

“Because I do... like-like you, I mean.”

“Wow, wait— what?”

She opened and closed her mouth until she saw the honesty on Y/N’s face who let her statement linger in the air, hoping that Santana would say something. But the silence only heightened her nerves

“Santana-”

“I can’t... I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the diner, just like she had done the first time.

She rushed home, biting her lip to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling. The second she unlocked her front door, she let them go. Santana tried to control her sobs as she sat on the couch, holding her head in her hands.

Her safety net whenever she felt lost or emotional— Brittany — was gone, what was she supposed to do now? She let out another sob as she missed Britt’s arms holding her close.

She reached for her phone without a second thought and dialled the woman’s number. Brittany picked up after a few seconds, much to Santana’s surprise.

“Hey, um, Santana. What’s up?”

Brittany decided to break the ice, but all formalities were thrown out the window when she heard the Latina let out another sob.

“Santana, are you okay?! What’s happened? Where are you?”

Was she okay? No. But what was she supposed to tell Brittany? That it was partly because of her?

“Please, say something, Tana. I’m worried.”

Santana held the bridge of her nose and let out a big, shaky sigh.

“Please forget that I called, this was a mistake. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

She hung up. But the phone rang after a few seconds. Santana tossed it next to her on the couch and rubbed her forehead. How could she have been so stupid?

It rang again. And again, and then another three times. Santana stared at the screen long and hard before picking it up.

“Don’t shut me out, please. You know I still care about you when something’s wrong.”

Santana let out a huff and Brittany knew exactly what that meant.

“Santana, listen— I am so, so sorry for what happened. I too thought that we would be the happiest and sappiest couple forever but... some things just... happen. And I still completely understand how hard it was for you to stay friends with me without being with me and I’m so terribly sorry for that they brought you up in that interview— but I meant everything I said, Santana. You were the best thing that happened to me back then. And to me you still are my best and most incredible friend but... that’s just it.”

A long pause.

“And I kind of really miss hanging out with you and so does Lord Tubbington so if you’re comfortable with the idea, would you want to get together sometime soon? Wait— not get together-together, just... argh, you know what I mean.”

“How did you do it?” Santana broke her silence. “What changed in your mind for you to get the closure you needed? Because I never fucking got it.”

Brittany kept quiet, knowing there was more to follow.

“I have spent a whole year feeling like absolute shit, but I knew... that there was no way that we’d ever get together again. But the closure? Nope.” She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “And lately there’s been this incredible girl in my life and guess what? You two are fighting for first place in my head and I can’t help but want to push her out because I’m not ready to let her stay there until you are completely out of my thoughts.”

She heard Brittany let out a breath.

“Sant-”

“Oh, no, no, no. I don’t need a pity-party. I don’t-”

“Santana Lopez, listen to me.” Brittany raised her voice. “If your plan is to sabotage your own happiness, then congratulations— you’re well on your way. It’s no wonder that you’re having a hard time moving on. I mean, one— I’m a catch but two, we were together since high school, that’s a long time. We were each other’s first loves and truth be told, you never really forget those. You’ll compare every following relationship to that one, even if it was full of flaws. Truth is, you’ll never be able to move on or get the closure until you open yourself up to idea of loving someone else again. And I know how you work— you don’t ever want to open up to someone again but... if you give this girl a chance, who knows? She might be the one to change your mind. And I’ll cross my fingers she will. I hope she’ll kick me off first place like a rugby player.” Brittany snorted at her own joke.

“Because you deserve a special someone too, Santana. And if you still don’t have the closure you need... I loved you, I cared for you, and in a way I still do. But we won’t ever get together again. That ship has sailed. I want you to be happy and I want to see you flourish in every aspect of life, just... without me being your special someone. I’d still very much like to be by your side, though, but as a friend.”

Santana let the words sink in until she suddenly widened her eyes.

“I am such a fucking idiot.”

“Um... are we having the same phone call? Because I’m lost...”

“She told me she liked me and I ran out.”

“Was that metaphorically speaking or did you literally run out?”

“Like a chicken, Brittany.”

“Santana!? Be Chicken Little and run back!” Brittany exclaimed, “But watch out for the traffic, please, because that would be a tragic end to the story....and it would be animal abuse...”

Santana smiled softly, missing this side of Brittany.

“Okay, okay!” She laughed.

“Keep me posted?”

Santana hummed, “Thank you, Britt.”

“Of course. You’re still my best friend, even if we haven’t seen each other in over a year. Go get the girl.”

✫彡

Santana hesitantly walked back into the diner. It wasn’t rush hour so there were only a few people having a drink.

“See you guys tomorrow!”

Y/N walked out of the backroom and froze in her spot when she saw Santana looking at her. A tightlipped, awkward smile appeared on her face and she tried to walk passed her but Santana grabbed her hand.

“Wait, I-...I need to tell you something.”

Santana looked the girl in her eyes, seeing the anticipation and worry in them. But then she saw something else, she saw the same twinkle in her eyes when Y/N sang so beautifully that night. Only this time they were twinkling because she was looking at Santana.

She grabbed the girl’s cheek and planted a chaste kiss on Y/N’s lips. Y/N widened her eyes at first but kissed back. They parted when a bell coming from the kitchen interrupted them.

“So much for needing to tell me something...” Y/N chuckled heartily, “But I guess I got what you were trying to say.”

“You guess?” Santana shot back.

“Yeah... I’m still slightly confused...”

“How’s this?” Santana grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again. Y/N slowly tapped the girl on her chest when things started to get heated.

“Let’s keep it PG, we’ve got an audience.”

Santana bit her lip in embarrassment when she saw that all eyes were on them now.

“But your message was loud and clear this time.” Y/N whispered in her ear and gave her one of the most adorable smiles.

“Oh...” Santana let out a breathy chuckle and looked at the ground. Being nervous was so out of character for her, but whenever it came to her and relationships she was always a simp for her significant other.

“But... can we take it slow? Because-”

Y/N nodded immediately. “I know, you don’t have to tell me. We’ll take it slow.”

✫彡

Y/N sat on Santana’s bed, reading a book while the Latina was trying to write a new song for her album. She heard yet another paper being ripped apart, followed by a loud groan.

“Baby, you okay?”

Y/N bent over the couch and hugged Santana’s neck from behind, planting a kiss on her temple. Santana sighed and sat back, feeling more relaxed the second Y/N’s arms wrapped around her.

“It’s not working. I can’t seem to get my exact feelings onto paper and what I have now doesn’t even do it a little bit of justice.”

“The break-up song? Let me see-” Y/N went to reach for the notebook but Santana immediately turned around and smiled.

“You know what? I’m starving, and I want to take you out.”

“Oh— are you sure? We just had-”

“I’m sure. I need a break anyway.”

“Okay...well, let me get a jacket.”

Santana watched Y/N walk into the other room before quickly hiding the notebook behind the couch pillows again. She’d feel so embarrassed if Y/N ever read any of her love songs to her. Truth be told, ever since their first kiss in the diner, Santana had found her new muse. She had written a lot of songs since then but not one seemed to be good enough or do the girl justice. Besides, if Y/N read the lyrics to this song... Well, it would make or break their relationship and Santana wasn’t going to lose someone again.

“Let’s go.”

✫彡

“But I can tell my friends, right?”

“Baby, of course you can.”

“Sweet! I’m going to see them again next week. Can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they see you.”

“Oh, I’m... not sure if going with you is such a good idea.”

“I forgot— we’re taking things slow.” Y/N nodded to herself, “Sorry, I get too excited sometimes.”

Santana caressed the girl’s head and planted a kiss on it, “It’s okay. Soon.”

✫彡

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Y/N took a sip of her drink, “Well, i’m still working at the diner, that hasn’t changed. And-”

“You’re in love.”

“How-”

“I can sense it. Also, you've posted a lot of cheesy and soft quotes on your twitter so that was a dead give-away.”

“Well, yes. I’m dating someone.”

“Boy? Girl?”

“Girl, duh.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Her friend squealed, “Who is it? Show me a picture, let me approve.”

“It’s Santana Lopez.”

The two friends fell quiet.

“The famous singer?” One of them asked.

“Hun, she’s hardly famous anymore. Are we sure she still even exists?”

“Hey!” Y/N pouted. “But I’m telling you the truth. It’s Santana.”

“Real funny, she doesn’t even live in New York.”

“Uh, yeah, she does.”

“No, she doesn’t. TMZ said she moved back to Ohio after the break-up.”

Y/N shook her head, “They also said she started dating a 80 year-old billionaire and bought a pet alpaca, which I think is ridiculous. You’re too gullible.”

Her friend shrugged, “Perhaps, yeah. But hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it really is yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes when they switched the topic.

✫彡

“How did it go, babe? Were you happy to see them again?”

“You’re not going to believe me but they thought I was joking.”

“Joking about what?”

Y/N sat down next to Santana on the couch, immediately cuddling up to her. “Well, they didn’t believe I was dating you.”

“Why would they not believe you?”

“I think you forgot that you’re kinda famous.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m hardly famous.”

Y/N mocked her, earning a playful punch in the shoulder from Santana but her smile soon disappeared.

“Um...”

“No bad news, please!” Y/N immediately noticed the change in Santana.

“No, no, don’t worry. I mean, I don’t think it’s bad news— it’s just... a lot...to deal with right now.”

“Just rip the bandaid off.”

Santana grabbed her phone and showed Y/N the post.

“Oh...” Y/N swiped and saw that she had been photographed as well.

“I know we said we would take things slow so I’m so sorry that the media is trying to fuck that up again.” Santana examined Y/N, who was difficult to read. “This is exactly what ruined everything last time. Fuck! Here I thought it would be different this time around. I should’ve never-”

“Santana, sshh.” Y/N grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. “Stop thinking.”

Santana looked up like a sad puppy.

“Nothing is getting ruined again. Not on my watch.” She put the phone on the coffee table, “Let’s just ignore that. Let them start rumours, let them guess, let them make up drama but the only two people who really know the truth are you and I. It’s our life, not theirs. So no matter what they will say, I will love you unconditionally for as long as you want me to... and I will never feel differently... about you.”

Santana's head shot up, looking puzzled and panicked at the same time.

“W-Where did you get that from?”

Y/N smiled at Santana and caressed her cheek, “You need to find better hiding places, babe.”

Y/N suddenly looked worried, “Unless that song wasn’t about me... then... well, this is awkward. Just-”

“I love you.” Santana cut her off, tears in her eyes. She felt the urge to pinch herself but decided it would look silly. Was she really in love again after all that she’d been through?

“I love you too, unconditionally. And... you better make that song your first single.”

✫彡

“Guys, I’m literally in the pictures with her?!”

“Yah, but you look more like a fan of her than her girlfriend, look at you... swooning.”

“I mean, yes, I adore everything she does...”

Y/N’s friend leaned over and smiled, “So you’re really dating the Santana Lopez?”

“I mean, I sure hope she does...” Santana walked up to their table in the little cafe, startling Y/N’s friends while the girl just looked at them with a smirk on her face. Finally.

Santana sat down next to her and gave her girlfriend a kiss before turning back to the two friends sitting in front of them.

“Is that enough proof or do you need me to bend her o-”

“That’s enough!” Y/N gave Santana a playful slap across the head.

“Oh my God, no!” Y/N’s friend exclaimed, “Speak for yourself! Imagine the money I’d make with a tape of that! I’d finally be the rich bitch I’ve always been deep down.”

Y/n rolled her eyes at him and it earned a laugh from Santana, “I like you.”

“Why, muchas gracias.”

“Wow, thanks for completely taking my spotlight. Hi, i’m her best friend, he’s just our accessory.”

“Excuse me?!”

Y/N shook her head at the two of them.

“Are you regretting you came along?” Y/N turned to her girlfriend.

“We wouldn’t judge you if you said yes, to be honest.” Her friend laughed.

Santana smiled at them, “No, it’s been a while since I met new people and you two seem fun and well, you mean a lot to this one over here so I’m happy to be here.”

Y/N snuggled up to Santana and put her head on her shoulder.

“Alright, go and make me jealous. It’s fine.”

“Shut up! Now tell us how you two met, please!”

✫彡

Santana couldn’t stop playing with her fingers and the bracelets on her wrist as the hours passed. Only a few more minutes now until her new song ‘My Unconditional Love’ would go online, for the world to hear. There had been a lot of speculations about the two women the past few months, but they had tried to be more discreet when they were outside. Much to the dismay of the paparazzi and tabloids. This song would basically be a dead give away to their relationship but she didn’t care. This song already meant so much to her and Santana hoped she could write plenty more songs like these about Y/N.

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Y/N’s voice interrupted her thinking.

“Wh- No, never! It’s probably my favourite song I ever wrote... it’s just... nerve-wracking, is all.”

“C’mere.”

Santana walked into Y/N’s open arms and let out a big sigh at the feeling of her arms around her.

“You’ve come a long way and I am so proud of you... but most of all, I’m happy to be on this ride with you. I know this song will point a lot of fingers to us dating but hey, like we said before— no one needs to know but us and our friends and families. Capiche?”

Santana nodded and grabbed the girl’s cheeks, “I’m so happy with you.”

They both beamed from ear to ear until the bell rang. Santana opened the door.

“I’m so excited!” Kurt squealed and dragged Rachel along inside.

“It’s time, guys!” Y/N sang as she appeared from the kitchen, trying to balance a tray with four champagne glasses on it.

“Hook your phone up to the speakers!” Rachel grabbed a glass. Santana’s new song started playing which earned raised eyebrows from the three others.

“This isn’t the same song you sent me?!” Kurt exclaimed.

“No, it is. It’s just not the slow version. I’m keeping that version for us.” Santana grabbed Y/N’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It felt too special to share.”

“Well, damn, I’m digging this one, too!”

They started dancing together to the upbeat song. Y/N kept staring at Santana, who seemed too excited and happy to notice.

Her unconditional love.

#santana lopez #santana lopez imagine #santana lopez imagines #santana lopez x reader #santana lopez one shot #santana / you #santana/you #glee #glee imagine #glee imagines #glee one shot #glee x reader #naya rivera imagine #naya rivera imagines #naya river x reader #brittana imagines

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ncssian · 4 years

Text

just another graceless night

merry christmas 🎄here's my secret snowflake gift for the lovely sayo @sayosdreams. if u didn't guess it already, surprise! i hope u like it <3

a/n: this is part of my series of crescent city aus found in my masterlist, and is sort of a continuation to family therapy. you don’t need to have read family therapy to understand this fic, but it helps!

summary: it's nesta's birthday, and her loved ones have special plans for her (that may or may not go awry). featuring nessian and nesta/lucien friendship.

The ring caught the late morning light as Cassian twisted it over and over in his hands: a gold band studded with two pearls and an oval pink diamond at the center.

It was nothing like the female he wanted to give it to, and yet it was perfect for her. Because Nesta Archeron, despite all her walls and best efforts, was inside as warm as daylight. Or at least she was to Cassian.

The familiar beep of the security system sounded as someone unlocked the apartment door, and Cassian stood up quickly from the kitchen barstool. By the time the Archeron sisters entered, the ring was shoved deep in his pocket.

He affected a huge smile, though it may have been tinged with a hint of panic. “Back already?”

“Did you miss me too much?” Nesta padded over to the open-plan kitchen and dropped a paper bag of leftovers on the island next to Cassian. “I brought you macarons.”

He murmured his thanks into a soft greeting kiss.

Feyre and Elain remained in the living room, setting gift bags onto the coffee table. “We should probably get going,” Elain smiled and clapped her hands. “If only I could see more of my own sister on her birthday, but I suppose fancy breakfast and gifts will have to do.”

Nesta scowled at her younger sisters. “I told you both you could come with me tonight. I don’t care if you’re around my friends, really.”

Feyre made a face. “No, thanks. Not that your friends scare me or anything, but I have a hot date this evening.” She flushed at the idea of her boyfriend and Elain held back an eye roll. “I don’t,” Elain stated, “but I’m taking the night to myself. Don’t worry about us, go get wrecked tonight.”

“If you insist.” Nesta moved in for a goodbye hug, something Cassian knew she still had to force herself to initiate with her family. A chorus of happy birthdays and goodbyes went around, and then the sisters were pulling apart. Cassian watched contently from the threshold between the kitchen and living room, and straightened up once Feyre and Elain were gone and Nesta was turning back to him.

She pulled slowly at one of the small ties on the neckline of her blouse, letting it come undone. “So,” she said slowly. “It’s my birthday.”

Cassian was well-aware. He’d woken up an hour early this morning to show Nesta, slowly and thoroughly, just how glad he was that she’d been born. He wasn’t so lazy that he considered orgasms birthday presents, though, so he raised his brows at Nesta starting to undress in their living room.

“You want a repeat of this morning already? If I’m being honest, I thought there would be more variety on your birthday agenda.”

Nesta’s smile dropped at the same time her shirt dropped to the ground. “Don’t delude yourself, angel. I’m getting ready to change into my sweats so we can marathon Fangs and Bangs all day.” To prove her point, her jeans fell to the ground next, and she kicked them away before spinning around to head for their bedroom.

Cassian picked her clothes up and followed after her. “Wear whatever you want, sweetheart, but put a pin in that marathon plan.”

Nesta glanced at him with a frown. “Why?”

She didn’t actually think that Cassian hadn’t planned anything for her, did she? He huffed a laugh and chucked her clothes into a hamper. “I’m not going to be seeing you all night, which means,” he flicked her nose, “I have to give you my present now.”

Getting put on patrol duties the same night of Nesta’s birthday was not ideal, but if anything, it ensured that Cassian couldn’t chicken out of his plan at the last minute. The ring sat heavy in his pocket, and he would give it to her this afternoon no matter what.

Nesta glared at him, but it was halfhearted. “I told you not to get me anything,” she said. “There’s nothing I want today except spending time with you.”

“We are spending time together,” he promised. “Just not here.”

“Then where?”

***

Their destination was beyond the borders of the city, too far for Cassian to fly them. Their motorcycle ended up rumbling to a stop some hours later at the edges of a great sunflower field.

Nesta pulled off her helmet and stared in rare wonder. Yellow and green stalks spread out in every direction, touching the horizon and going on.

She turned to Cassian, a softness in her eyes that only he ever got to see. “I’ve never seen this place before.”

“Because you haven’t wandered more than twenty miles outside of the city in years,” he ribbed.

He led her to a clear space among the flowers that was laid down with a checkered picnic blanket and spread of food. Nesta glanced at Cassian, questioning.

“This field is private property,” he explained, “but I called in a favor ahead of time.”

Over a year of dating Cassian had taught Nesta how to be more familiar with sweet gestures and moments of vulnerability, but she still lacked the words to properly respond to this.

“It's very— thank you.” She cleared her throat.

Cassian only grinned and flicked her nose, a careless gesture that told her he understood how she was feeling without her having to say it.

Their lunch date was warm and full of light, two feelings that Nesta had been a foreigner to before meeting Cassian. She’d used to think she would never be fit for soft or pretty things, but here, eating strawberries in a sundress, she felt this was as pretty as life was ever going to get.

Not long after eating, Cassian’s hand found the back of Nesta’s calf, dragging up her bare leg and pulling until she was on her back, his hulking body stretched over her. Gasping for breath between laughter, Nesta succumbed to a barrage of kisses that soon moved lower, until her giggles turned into light moans.

“I love you, you know,” he whispered from between her legs.

A bright blue sky dotted with a few wispy clouds was her view while Cassian tortured her with his mouth, and her last thought before her eyes slipped shut and she slipped into release was How perfect.

***

In a shimmery dress layered with swaying fringe, Nesta picked through the dancing bodies of Vanir and mortals alike to get to the private area off to the back of The Seven Devils club.

Nesta had made the mistake of falling asleep in Cassian’s arms after their afternoon delight, and had woken up to the sky turning ablaze with the colors of the sunset and her phone buzzing insistently.

“What are you doing,” Amren demanded when she answered. “It takes you two hours to get ready and you’re an hour away from home. Did you forget we had plans tonight?”

“Shit— wait, how do you know where I am?” Nesta said as she began grabbing for things and starting to pack, Cassian watching in alarm.

“I know where everyone is,” the mercenary said. “Get your ass back to Crescent City now.”

“Wait— we’re leaving?” Cassian had said after Nesta hung up the phone. Nesta kept packing their picnic basket, trying to hurry before it got dark.

“Thank you so much for today, angel,” she paused to say to him. Grabbing his face with both hands, she put her gratefulness into a sweet kiss and hoped it would be enough. “But we need to go. Now.”

Cassian’s hand drifted to his pocket. He looked conflicted, angry, even, but he only nodded and led Nesta back to their motorcycle.

Once they were about to part ways hours later, Cassian for his job and Nesta for her party, she’d apologized to him once more.

“It's nothing,” he assured as he smoothed down her stray baby hairs. “I just thought we'd get more time together.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek with a smile. “But we already have lots of that, don't we?”

Now, at the black velvet rope tying off the reserved area, Emerie caught sight of Nesta and greeted her with a hoot. Nesta grinned.

“Over here, birthday girl.” A drink was shoved into Nesta’s hand as Emerie led her to the circle of couches where their friends awaited.

The usual group was there: Amren, Varian, Nuan, and some Aux guys she’d gotten to know while working for her firm. But a new face made her smile drop.

“Lucien,” Nesta said stiffly. She plopped down next to him on the couch, but pointedly ignored his mocking grin.

Elain had stayed home alone tonight just so Lucien and Nesta would have the chance to spend time on their own. Nesta still wasn't sure if she appreciated the gesture or not.

They had agreed, although reluctantly, that they would try to rekindle whatever they’d had in their teenage years. Lucien hadn’t participated in one of Nesta’s birthdays as anything other than Elain’s plus one in ages, and now… Nesta snorted to herself. It was like she was eighteen again.

“What’s so funny?” Lucien asked.

“Your face.”

A crumpled straw wrapper bounced off Lucien’s head before he could reach over and pinch Nesta. “No one's tackling anyone into the cake tonight, or else it's over for the both of you,” Amren warned. Her threats were mild, but both Nesta and Lucien knew enough about what Amren did for a living to shut up and go back to ignoring each other.

Music pounded, and while her friends chatted excitedly about meeting up after so long, Nesta eyed her drink in consideration. There was no amount of alcohol in the world that would ever get her to play nice with Lucien Vanserra, but maybe a few drinks wouldn't hurt.

She took a deep swig.

***

Nesta and Lucien drunkenly stumbled out of the club, giggling while holding each other up.

“We should call a cab,” Nesta said.

“No— let's walk!” Lucien gasped. “It’s so nice out tonight.”

“Yes, yes,” Nesta nodded adamantly. “Good idea, you're so smart, Lucien.”

It was far past two in the morning, and the rest of Nesta's group had scattered like roaches over the course of the night. Many of them had left her with a big smacking kiss on her cheek and a final birthday wish; Amren had dragged Varian into a dark corner some while ago and hadn't been seen since.

Her pile of presents, most of the gifts being either wildly inappropriate or outright hilarious, had been whisked away with the help of fae magic back to her and Cassian’s apartment. She only hoped Cassian didn't return home before her and find them.

Nesta had forgotten how much fun partying with Lucien was like. They hadn't danced— or drank— together like that in years. And the huge stuffed dolphin he’d gifted her hadn't hurt. She hadn’t slept with one of those babies since she moved out of her childhood home, but he had remembered her favorite animal anyway.

Now, she leaned her head against his arm as they set off in a random direction, trying not to topple over in her high heels.

They made it only a couple of blocks before Nesta decided that fresh air was not as nice as Lucien had promised. With every breeze, a discomforting nausea grew, and the longer she walked, the more aware she was of the sharp pressure on her bladder.

“Lucien,” she finally whined, “I have to pee.”

“Hold it until we get home.”

Nesta blinked and for the first time, looked around at their surroundings. How many blocks had they walked again?

The buildings had become worn down and older, and neon lights flickered over dim alleyways. The trees that usually lined every sidewalk curb had virtually disappeared. Even while seeing double, Nesta knew something was off. “Luc,” she said slowly, “where are we?”

“Uhhh…” Brown eyes squinted up at the decaying buildings. He was drunk out of his mind. “We’re close to the Old Square, I swear.”

But Nesta recognized this area, even if she had no clue where they were exactly. “This isn’t the Old Square.” Her grip tightened on Lucien’s arm. “We’re in the Meat Market, Lucien.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Then Lucien said, “Oops.”

Oops was an understatement. They were on the other fucking side of town— the bad side of town. The shadows in the alleys had suddenly elongated, becoming darker as if they were hiding nefarious activities. The buildings seemed to stretch and curve, and it took Nesta a heartracing moment to realize that was just what alcohol did to her vision. There were no monstrous creatures, at least not this far out on the edges of the Meat Market. The crime-ridden district wasn't anything a straightminded Nesta would have ever feared, but in her current state—

“Ohh, now I’m really gonna be sick,” she muttered.

“I thought you had to pee?”

“I need to do both.” Gagging on bile, Nesta sprinted to the nearest bush to empty out the contents of her stomach. She just barely missed her dress and shoes with her aim, but she was no amateur. At least her hair had stayed in its ponytail.

“Gross,” Lucien mumbled from somewhere behind her.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Nesta closed her eyes as her insides clenched once more. When she could breathe clearly again, she rasped, “Don't look.” She started wriggling her panties down her legs. In any other state, she would have felt bad for the lone bush, but now she was just grateful that this road was seemingly deserted.

Inebriated Lucien seemed to handle urine better than vomit, because he only crossed his arms and stood guard by Nesta while she did her business, as if he could protect her in case anyone walked by (he could not, but she thought it was sweet of him to try).

When she finished, Nesta was disappointed to find that she had not sobered up in the slightest. Clarity danced right on the edges of her grasp, but she was too exhausted to reach for it. Also, her feet were killing her.

Swaying, Lucien tugged on her hand and began pulling her along. “C’mon, we’ll call a ride home and find somewhere to wait.”

“Mm, good idea.”

Lucien pulled his phone out, and Nesta paused in the middle of the road to unstrap her shoes and kick them off. Gravel bit into her bare feet, and she shivered while Lucien sloppily tapped at his phone. She hadn't noticed the cold so much while she was still having fun, but suddenly it was freezing.

After a painfully long moment of silence, Lucien finally said, “Uhh… my phone’s dead.”

Nesta hissed, but was too tired to curse him. She wrangled her own phone out of her purse, hopping back and forth on her toes. The gravel almost hurt more than her shoes, and she was pretty sure the roads were littered with glass.

Turning her phone on, she made it all the way to Cassian’s contact info when she noticed the lack of bars on the corner of her screen. She clicked on his number anyway, hoping she could reach her boyfriend through whatever obstacles technology threw at her.

Of course, the call didn't go through. An animalistic noise escaped through her gritted teeth.

Lucien jumped in fright, his gaze still hazy and out of it. “What was that?”

“The sound I make when there's no fucking signal and we're both fucking lost.”

“Wha—? Gimme that.” Lucien sloppily swiped for her phone and missed, his hand passing through the air two feet in front of Nesta. Nesta ignored him and kept tapping at her phone, starting to walk in a random direction. “There has to be a signal somewhere,” she laughed somewhat high-pitched. “You can't have organized crime without a strong mobile network, right?”

After a few minutes, however, it became clear that whatever reception the drug lords and gang members were using, Nesta couldn't get it.

Hopelessness and bone deep exhaustion setting in, she started weeping, her shoulders shaking.

“Nooo,” Lucien slurred, trying to pull her up from where she crouched on the ground, her hands over her face. “Don't cry, Nesta, ’s’your birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday anymore,” Nesta sobbed. “It's the day after and we’re lost and we’re this close to getting mugged by a gang of vampires. And it's all because you have terrible ideas.” She cried harder.

“You’ve gotta get up.” Lucien tugged at her again, letting out a whiny grunt when she didn't move. “Why are you so heavy?”

Nesta wasn't moving because he was not, in fact, pulling at her very hard. Lucien was incredibly dizzy, though, and he wanted nothing but to be back home with Elain while he regained his senses.

As he was about to give up, a great boom sounded, and a dark hulking figure dropped down onto the street before them.

“AHH, A HUGE BIRD!” Lucien shrieked and stumbled backward into Nesta.

Another winged shadow dropped from the sky, landing beside the first.

“TWO HUGE BIRDS!”

Nesta blinked, finally looking up, only to shove Lucien off herself and drunkenly run forward. She hurled herself into the arms of the first figure. “Cassian!” she cried with relief.

“Are you okay?” Her boyfriend's voice was urgent. “How’d you get all the way out here?”

“We got lost,” she wept deliriously.

“Soso lost,” Lucien slurred from behind her.

Off to the side, she heard the familiar eternally-exhausted sigh of Azriel, second-in-command of the 33rd Imperial Legion. ��I’ll take that one home,” his deep voice muttered. He gestured with his chin to Lucien.

He moved to hold the fae male upright, but Lucien smacked Azriel’s arms away. “Get your ’ands off me, Ihaveagirlfriend.”

Cassian bundled Nesta up in his arms and swept her off her aching feet. “Can you handle flying, or are you gonna be sick?”

“Uhnnn…” Her head was still throbbing and spinning, but her stomach had already been emptied out into those bushes. “I’m okay,” she lied. “Take me home, Cass.”

He still looked concerned, but was about to shoot into the sky when Nesta gasped, “Wait, my shoes!”

In the background, Lucien was now poking at the toned bicep of the arm keeping him upright. “Woah there, big guy,” he said. “You single or somethin’?”

“You just said you have a girlfriend.”

“Well, we're lookin’ foraboyfriend.”

Before Azriel could respond, Cassian gritted his teeth and called for him.

“Get her shoes,” Cassian gestured. Without letting go of Lucien, Azriel bent to pick up Nesta's heels and turned and walked the both of them back to where Cassian and Nesta waited.

Nesta gratefully accepted her heels and rested them on her stomach, so her hand was free to reach out and rest on Lucien’s face. It was more of a light slap, but the affection was there. “’m so glad we did this,” she said, sleep and liquor weaved through her words.

“So am I,” Lucien mumbled tiredly. He leaned in with a kiss aimed for her forehead, which ended up glancing off the side of her nose. “See you.”

“Bye-bye,” she said quietly, and then Lucien and Azriel were off in the opposite direction, and Cassian and Nesta were in the air.

***

Back in the warmth of their apartment, Cassian helped Nesta stumble toward the bedroom, pulling her away from the living area before she could collapse onto the couch and not get up again.

Herding Nesta onto the bed, Cassian got to work on shimmying her minidress down her body. “You’ve had quite the night,” he noted as he pulled off her dress and reached to unhook her pushup bra. “Good birthday?”

“Would’ve been even better with you,” Nesta said sweetly. His heart caught at the sleepy smile she gave him, and he cursed the ring weighing down his pocket for the hundredth time that day. He would have to wait for the right moment— again.

Nesta started babbling drunkenly about how fun her night had been, and then how terrible it had become, and how much more she liked Lucien now, even if he did have terrible ideas, before eventually circling back around to the topic of presents. “I can’t wait to show you what I got.” She tried winking at him, but in her state, it was just a very slow blink.

Cassian had indeed spied a red scrap of lace sticking out of a gift bag on his way through the living room, but lingerie was the last concern on his mind right now. “I’m glad you had fun with Lucien,” he said honestly as he eased Nesta into one of his T-shirts.

“Will you get me his gift?” she yawned. “It’s the soft…” she struggled for the word, “big fishy. Go get it, Cass.”

Chuckling lowly, Cassian dutifully searched the living room until he spotted a freakishly life-sized stuffed dolphin. When he returned to their bedroom with it in tow, Nesta was dead asleep.

Carefully, he tucked the plush dolphin next to her head before covering her with a throw blanket.

Yes, Cassian had ended up being the only person who hadn't given Nesta a present— not her real present, anyway. But perhaps it was for the best, he thought as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her sore feet into his lap. Nothing about the woman in front of him was worth rushing, and as long as she was happy tonight, tomorrow, and all the days after…

Well, what more could Cassian want for?

***

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool

#acotarsecretsnowflake #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #lucien vanserra #ncssianwrites #nessian fic

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thomaslightwoodenthusiast · 3 years

Text

hello everyone!

here is part 2, as promised! also, @liasan-stuff asked to be tagged so here you go! if you ever want to be tagged in any future writing i do, just ask! i’ve never made a taglist, but if that’s something that you guys would like i have no problem with doing one- as long as you let me know you want to be on it!

that being said, happy reading!

sarahxo

➰➰➰➰

Cordelia entered the large room in the Institute that Christopher had chosen to use. She didn’t know why it was so big; this event was only the few of them having some fun together. But it boded well for her plan, considering there was a piano towards the top end.

“Cordelia! Those clothes...well they are certainly a different look,” said Matthew, with a tone of either admiration or surprise; she was not sure. She considered telling him they were Alastair’s but she did not want anyone to be suspicious of anything- should he show, it had to be a total shock. Christopher grinned at her, pleased that her arrival meant they could begin soon.

“Terribly good to see you, Cordelia! Now all that’s left is for Lucie to appear.”

Cordelia was puzzled. “Is she not here?”

Christopher gestured to James. “She will be here, but James knows what she’s doing right now. Unfortunately I cannot quite recall, though I myself have been busy.”

“Preparing your talent?”

“Yes, actually! If you remember, a few months ago I mentioned that I was in the process of developing a new way to send messages via fire. Well, with some extra help I have been able to finalise it! I have not told the others; which is why I am debuting it tonight!”

Cordelia watched Kit’s lilac purple eyes light up through his round spectacles as he spoke. Such an odd eye colour; but so striking. “What extra help did you receive?”

Christopher’s eyes lost their sparkle for a fleeting moment as he looked down. “I do not want to say. James and Matthew do not like who helped me.”

Cordelia wondered if it was Alastair; after all, Kit seemed to get on with him. Though James had grown more tolerant towards him recently. “If you do not wish to say, I will respect that.”

He took a breath. “No, it is alright. I trust you won’t say. It was Grace. She and I spoke once on the subject of science; one day when I was working she had turned up through the window of the laboratory. I cannot recall why or what she was actually doing, but she asked me about what I was doing and when I told her she liked it! She was actually the one who discovered the purpose of that odd stele. I thought I would ask her if she would like to help me with a project and- voilà!” Kit finished, brandishing a piece of paper from his jacket. Cordelia couldn’t decide whether to be shocked, or smile at how sweet it was. If this had been a month or two earlier, her reaction would be different- but after everything with Grace being sorted, she felt better. She did notice one thing, though.

“Kit, that’s only paper.”

“Yes, well, that is what your eyes want you to think. But when pen is set to paper, you will see the magic!”

Cordelia laughed as she walked away and over to James. When he was talking about Grace, his eyes regained their sparkle. He perked up. She almost rolled her eyes internally; Goodness, someone else in love with Grace? But she felt happier about this time. Maybe because the person in love with her was not her husband.

“Hello, Mrs. Herondale,” James said, bowing to her in mockery. “Or do you prefer- what is it again?”

“It’s Miscellaneous Lover number 3 to you.”

James cocked an eyebrow. “Three? Does he have a name?”

“No,” Cordelia continued, “but I believe the Beautiful Cordelia has to kill him. That happens to be the scene we are acting out actually. Kit sent me here because he says you know where Lucie is?”

James made a face not lacking affection. “She’s been with Anna all day. She told her about our little show and Anna immediately took it upon herself to not only take Lucie dress shopping, but to help practise her lines with her because you couldn’t.”

“Oh goodness. Then we can expect the dress to be-“

“A whirlwind of beauty and extravagance?” a voice called. It was Lucie. She had just burst through the doors, Anna following closely behind with a look of pride on her face. Lucie headed towards Cordelia.

“What do you think? Anna had it tailored for me earlier today. It is incredibly accurate to the one you were wearing in the scene!”

“Is that so?” Cordelia smiled inwardly. She adored Lucie’s enthusiasm. Usually, Jesse would be by her side, but he went out with his sister often and tonight was one of their nights.

“This is everyone, isn’t it?” Thomas asked. This was the first time he’d spoken since saying hello to Cordelia. He’d been quite quiet; absentmindedly running his hand over his left forearm, where the tattoo was. Cordelia held back a grin as she put the pieces together. He always seemed to do that when he was stressed or worried- albeit rare he felt that way. But it had been Alastair who had convinced him to show them the tattoo, and knowing what she did now she thought it was endearing that he thought of her brother when he was stressed.

“Unfortunately, yours truly can’t stay. I have something important to attend,” Anna said, gesturing dismissively as if to say she wouldn’t answer any questions.

Christopher frowned. “I did want you here,” he muttered, seeming hurt.

“Oh don’t worry your sweet little face, my brother,” Anna replied, ruffling Kit’s hair. “I have already decided on my replacement.”

“Who?” James queried. Anna left without a word, smirking. After a few seconds, Will sauntered in looking extremely pleased with himself. James and Lucie promptly buried their faces in their hands; he had clearly had a drink or two with Tessa- who, being smart, had not came with him.

“I am to be your judge!” he declared. “Cordelia wins!”

Lucie stared. “She’s with me and it hasn’t even started yet.”

“I do not care. You two will probably be the best anyways; I have little faith in these four. Except you, Christopher. As long as you don’t blow anything up, of course.”

Will winked at Cordelia. The group decided among themselves who would go first; Lucie and Cordelia said they would. James and Matthew were to be next, doing God knows what, leaving Christopher and Thomas.

“I’d like to go last, if that’s alright. Kit, if you want to go last I don’t mind-“

“Nonsense, Thomas! Go last if you wish. I am eager to show you all my proudest project yet!”

Cordelia was feeling bold. She knew no one else would understand why, but she asked Thomas why he wanted to go last.

“Let’s just say...I don’t believe any of you are aware of this talent and I do feel quite nervous.”

Matthew pretended to be offended. “My goodness! What else haven’t you told us? There’s already a secret talent. Give us a hint, please?”

Thomas’s eyes widened briefly as Matthew inquired about what else hadn’t been told to them- not enough for Matthew to notice, Cordelia observed.

“I don’t believe I can without giving it away. It is not something I’ve heard or seen any of you doing though.”

“Can we stop discussing Thomas and his secrets and start letting Cordelia and I perform, please?” Lucie demanded, mouthing sorry to him.

“Ooh, let’s,” Will exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly as his daughter and daughter-in-law took the...well, the middle of the hall.

➰➰➰➰

hey guys! so i think i only need to do one more part. i wasn’t sure if i would, but i need to bc the last part is the thomastair heavy part!! i did mention having drunk charles coming in; that may be briefer than i had wanted because i don’t want to make this any more than three parts. mainly because i’m going to be totally back to school on tuesday and i’m going to be super busy with a LOT of testing, and i don’t want to add on to my work load lol. but yeah!! like i said the next part will really (hopefully) get into the thomastair! i have my plan for it ready and i’m going to start figuring it out soon. have fun and i hoped u liked this!

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