#to clarify: right now I'm working part time online

[brown-little-robin]

okay, I'm crowdsourcing advice for a minute, so bear with me and please lend some words if you have any:

I want to get out of the house more. Like, on a regular basis. Weekly, maybe. Preferably, I would like to be interacting with people—the same people—every time, for... like... accountability, but also because I am hoping to put myself out there as the 21st century's most neurotic platonic Casanova. Uh. Making a friend or more out of this would be desirable. But I think if I go out with the intention of making a friend, I will be disappointed.

So. I want to go do something, for that something's own sake. I don't want to go be fake once a week hoping to get a friend out of it.

However, the beautiful state of Iowa is a bit cultureless, and I am too introverted and easily overwhelmed for this world (e.g. going to bars is probably not gonna be my thing). So.... I guess.... any suggestions? opinions? thoughts on making friends in general, or finding good activities as an introverted adult, in general?

oh yeah, also: I am poor. that's a factor. so. signing up a class or similar is not a great option right now.

what the heck, I'll add a silly poll for fun:

[back2bluesidex]

Slippin' Under - JJK (18+) [Part 4]

Pairing: Bully!Jungkook X Fem!Reader ft. Jimin

Theme: angst, toxic workplace settings, bullying, class difference, haters to lovers au

Word count: 1.2k+

Summary: "You're toxic, I'm slippin' under"

Warnings: workplace bullying, insulting the reader based on her social stature, class difference, Jungkook is a shit.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Patreon (For early access)

Minors, I am not responsible for what you consume online. So, act more rationally and stay away.

A/N: In the honor of Jungkook and Jimin's discharge, here is the next update!! YOO HOO!!!!

Read the next part on Patreon

You have seen many two faced people in your life span but none of them came close to Jeon Jungkook. 

At work he constantly insults you for your social stature, for the way you dress in cheap clothes or the way you don’t smell like expensive artificial roses but when he dropped you home last night, due to Jimin’s persuasion, he behaved completely differently around your mother. 

He was respectful, bowed deeply, smiled widely and didn’t make fun of the worn out sweater your mother was wearing. 

Now, this blurs the edges of your hatred towards him. 

Shrugging the troubling thoughts you focus on your screen only to be interrupted with a knock on your desk. It’s your cubicle neighbor. 

“Yes?” you ask her the reason for her invasion. 

“Can you fill these sheets for me?” she points towards her screen. There’s an open spreadsheet, blank, with a hardcopy of a numerical report open on her desk. 

“Uh- why?” you genuinely don’t understand why she is suddenly asking you to do her work. But when she cocks her eyebrow smugly, it ticks you off. 

“If you are facing any problem and need guidance, I can help you out but I simply can’t do what’s supposed to be your job.” you clarify but from the expression on her face you can tell that she is not buying any of it. 

“You are really rejecting me? I mean, I am giving you a chance of being work friends with the rest of us, and you are rejecting me with that attitude?” she replies pointedly. 

“Are you sure you are using the right keyword? Because it’s not being work-friends, it’s more like a slave and I don’t get paid to work for you. So maybe, you know, keep yourself grounded. You are not much different from me.” you complete your jab with a slight shrug. 

Your co-worker goes red with rage, you see her perfectly manicured fake nails scratching the surface of the desk. She starts with a venomous “how dare you” but gets quickly interrupted by a low pitched voice, “what’s going on here?” 

Jungkook stands right before you, just beyond the partition of your cubicle.

Before you can even scan his appearance properly, your co-worker chimes in, “I was just asking Y/N to help me out with the spreadsheets but she’s refusing.” she even dares to add a pout. 

You wanna scoff so badly but you keep it within yourself. Instead, you open your mouth to defend yourself only to be interrupted by Jungkook again. 

“Was that help or did you ask her to work on your behalf, Damin-ssi?” there’s a half smirk gracing the man’s face. 

Your eyes widen as he loses the chance of getting into your nerves this time and actually sides up with what’s right. 

“Mr. jeon-” Damin, the name of your deskmate, starts but is unable to finish when Jungkook starts talking again. 

“You are paid to do your job, not to make others do it for you. Get it?” this is probably the most righteous you have ever heard Jungkook. It widens your eyes a little but you are good at composing yourself.  

Damin hangs her head low and mumbles a little apology that’s certainly half-hearted. 

“Y/N, I have a task for you, come with me.” The order is now directed towards you. You stand up and start following him towards his cabin. 

As you walk behind him, staring at his back - you are unsure. 

Why is he behaving like he has changed all of a sudden? Did a peek at your poor lifestyle stirred something akin to pity in him? 

If yes, then it’s honestly worse - you would rather take hatred than pity just because you can’t afford a better quality of life. 

Jungkook slams a thick filet on the table. Your eyes follow the manila folder labelled with “confidential” in all caps. 

“Deliver this to Park Jimin’s office. He is off to a meeting and will be needing these papers.” he pauses, stares at you for a moment and then continues, “It’s confidential. Can’t trust it with just anyone.” 

You nod your head, marching forward to grab the files and exiting his cabin. But as you warp your hand around the door knob, his voice stops you-

“Oh and just so you know, the elevator is under maintenance.” 

Seems like you spoke too soon when you thought something had changed in Jungkook, because no! This is just another mode of torture because he could have handed over the file to his cousin by himself. 

But he chose you for the work, when the elevator is under maintenance and when Jimin’s office is seven floors up. 

A sigh leaves your lips when you realize how wrong you have been for the past twelve or something hours. 

Jungkook’s hatred towards you is constant and now you can’t even recall why you thought he had softened. 

“Thanks for the information” you comment with a little bit of sarcasm. 

Finally exiting his territory but not before hearing an evil chuckle that boils your blood. 

Your blouse is drenched in sweat and you are panting so hard that you can hardly stay up-right by the time you reach Jimin’s floor. 

Trying your best to keep yourself from fainting, you weakly walk to the front desk and ask for Jimin. After a call of confirmation, you are permitted to enter Jimin’s cabin. 

“Oh the file! You are right on time. The meeting is about to start.” Jimin springs up from his chair and almost jogs towards you. You are a little stunned by the sudden boost of his energy but you don’t have any energy yourself to express much of it. 

“Sorry, Mr. Park. Elevators are out of order, so I had to take the stairs.” You are still breathless, and makes it all more believable. 

“Is that so? You already look pale, Y/N. Will you be able to reach your floor?” Jimin’s voice is filled with concern. This is probably the first time in a while when someone other than your parents is showing a silver of concern for you, it gets into your head and you nod enthusiastically, “I will be fine” 

“You should sit and drink some water before heading back. Uh- I am getting late, bye.” Jimin rushes out of his cabin leaving you alone. For a moment you consider his advice, sitting and drinking some water, but Jungkook might make an issue of it. So you start heading back. 

With the last bit of energy left in yourself, you knock on Jungkook’s door. He asks you to go in.

“I… I delivered the file.” you sound breathless, your voice barely makes the words audible. 

“Hm” that’s all Jungkook answers, his focus is pinned on his tablet. 

You turn your heels to leave, only to stumble and fall on your knees. All the sound around you morphs into a ball of static, ringing into your ears making you go deaf. Before you can bring yourself up, you see darkness clouding over the line of your sight. 

Your head feels heavy and it’s about to touch the floor, when you feel a strong set of arms encircling around your waist, you head hitting something firm yet not the hard floor. 

And right before your consciousness vanishes, you see Jungkook’s eyes filled with concern and fear.

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[shurisasthmaticgf]

wait a damn minute: max verstappen x black fem! reader

summary: in the midst of the biggest worldwide IT outage you realize your name has come up at the worst time possible

author's note: i wrote this on friday when the entire thing happened, i thought i posted it but turns out it was camped out in my drafts still. this is my first max fic so i hope it's an enjoyable read! feedback and comments are always appreciated and highly encouraged, i like to know what you all think of my work!

warnings: google translated dutch

the hungarian grand prix was only days away and you couldn't wait to surprise your boyfriend with a visit. it killed you to miss his races but you'd recently been promoted to a new position in your company which required more days in office than remote. you'd managed to balance work and personal life pretty well but when you weren't missing due to your new job, you had something else happen last minute. finally, after weeks of working long hours on end in an office, you were in the clear to start remote working more frequently.

you managed to clock out of work right on time so the minute the clock hit 6:00 pm, you were logging out and grabbing your already packed bag. one of your coworkers passed by you in the elevator, he was the only one around your age in the entire department so immediately you both clicked. he lightly bumped you with his shoulder and commented, "three side profiles and a headshot or selfie." you furrowed your brows in confusion and he clarified, "photo requests for my husband of course." the two of you burst into laughter as you teased, "was the autographed photocard not enough for you, théo? i even decorated it and put it in a holder for your desk." the young man smiled fondly thinking of the small 3x4 inch card that sat on the corner of his main monitor. he brushed one of his locs from his face and dramatically sighed, "fine i won't be pushy...i only want the selfie." you shook your head and refused with a chuckle, "i'm not asking toto wolff for a selfie, théo." your coworker let out a fake sigh of disappointment and lightly pushed you in the other direction as you parted ways to your cars. you laughed and called out, "i'll see what i can do, no promises though!" his face lit up and he blew your air kisses before calling out a goodnight.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

just thinking about seeing your boyfriend racing again brought butterflies to your stomach. although he was doing well this season a few problems had cost him a few wins here and there. fans had jokingly mentioned that you not being at races was the cause of the missed first place wins because coincidentally, every race you've ever attended, max has won exactly that. for weeks fans have asked about your whereabouts and you'd practically ghosted them simply because you were working so much. you were known as one of the more down to earth f1 WAGs who had no problem interacting with fans in person and over social media. so you suddenly not showing up for max and not interacting with people online made them wonder what was going on with you during the past few weeks. now that work had chilled out, you were happy to be back online again, and even happier to be able to make it out to hungary this weekend.

the moment you stepped into your apartment you made a beeline for your bedroom to change out of your professional clothes. you snatched a pair of scissors, a spray bottle, conditioner, a towel, a comb, and a crumpled up paper bag and cozied up on the couch with shrek queued on the tv. you sprayed your head with the warm water in the bottle and spread a glob of conditioner all over the roots of your hair. you pulled one of your braids forward and snipped the end before unraveling it and picking out whatever knots formed in the 6 weeks your hair had been tucked away. thankfully this time it didn’t take too long to get your braids out, only 3 hours compared to the usual 5 when you didn’t have your boyfriend’s help.

right as the last strands of synthetic hair slipped out of your own curls, your phone rang the familiar tune and a picture of your boyfriend flashed on your screen. a warm smile spread across your face as his camera turned on to show face. you braided you hair on each side to get it out of your face as you spoke, “hi my love how was your day?” he rolled over to his side and grumbled sleepily, “long, usual press day so you know how that goes.” you frowned slightly, “i wish i was there with you today.” max hummed and admitted, “i do as well. but your work is more important so i can deal with this.” you watched as his eyes lingered on your face and you giggled while moving out of the frame shyly, “stop looking at me like that.” although it was dimly lit in hotel room you could see the light pink tint to his cheeks as he smiled, “i can’t admire my lovely girlfriend?” he yawned mid sentence and you insisted, “as much as i love talking to you i know you’re tired and you need to go to sleep. so i’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?” he sleepily agreed and murmured, “welterusten mijn liefste.” you blew him a kiss and whispered softly, "goodnight baby." [goodnight, my love]

instead of heading straight to sleep you chose to wash your hair rather than waiting until the morning to do so. the flight you managed to snag last minute to hungary was set for tomorrow evening and you hadn't packed anything. not wanting to get onto a plane with a damp head of coils, you decided to just deal with it tonight. the entire process didn't take as long since you were speeding through just so you could sleep. by the time you were done it was around 2 AM and you were more than happy with the results. a dozen thick twists hung past your shoulders until you wrapped them up into a scarf and covered them with your bonnet to head to bed.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

when you woke up in the morning you noticed your phone had over 50 missed calls, messages, and emails. your mind conjured up the worst possible thoughts as you called your boyfriend to see what was the matter. max answered on the first few rings and you anxiously stammered, "baby? maxie? what's going on are you okay? where are you?" on the other line max answered clearly confused on what you were talking about, "schat? i am fine, i'm heading to the track. nothing is wrong here, what are you talking about?" you started to calm down realizing that he was fine but you responded, "i thought- didn't you blow up my phone early this morning? i was worried something happened and-" your boyfriend interjected with a calm tone, "y/n, i promise you nothing is the matter-"

an incoming call from théo, your coworker cut max off and you spoke up, "i'm sorry i think it's work related because théo is calling me." max let out an annoyed sound and you laughed, "i don't get why you don't like him." max scoffed, "he is too touchy and handsy with you." there was a playful groan, "oh god here you go- max, we've been over this. théo is a 27 year old gay man from san francisco who's convinced he's princess diana's reincarnate. he's the least of your worries okay?" max conceded, "okay fine i guess...but i still have my eye on him." another call from théo interrupted your conversation and you added, "but he's blowing up my phone so i need to see what's wrong. i'll talk to you later okay?" max agreed and bid you goodbye before hanging up the phone.

meanwhile you answered théo's call and he was literally running through what looked like the parking garage of his high rise. he panted, "you- you nee-...oh god i'm out of shape- you need to get up right now.. i'll be there to pick you up in fifteen minutes so be ready downstairs." you looked around confused and your coworker/ friend explained, "there's some massive outage or something happening. i know we had off today but they're calling the entire office in to see if we can figure it out." you were already climbing out of bed and you pressed for more information, "what do you mean an outage?" théo shrugged and wiped sweat from his brow as he tried to make himself look less winded, "i dunno i was thinking a breach or something? whatever it is we'll find out but we gotta go right now babes." you hurriedly grabbed an outfit from your closet and started to get dressed and ready to go, keeping him on the line.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

when you finally managed to get to his car, théo pointed to your phone and told you, "check twitter too, the fans are making jokes that you did something to the platform." despite having no idea what the hell he was talking about you opened twitter to see the flood of tweets under your name on the trending topics list. a pit formed in your stomach and you nearly fainted when you realized what he was talking about. you were completely new to this job and panic coursed through your veins on the thought of losing everything you worked hard for. the look of panic drew a laugh from your best friend and coworker as he jested, "they're funny aren't they?!" you shook your head and nearly shouted, "no it's not i'm gonna get fired!" théo waved off your concern, "girl the issue is definitely not from you and nobody thinks so. besides, dante from marketing and eleni from HR were sending the funny ones to our group chat...not that this isn't serious but just to make light of a shitty situation you know?" you shifted in your seat unsure how to feel and he promised, "i guarantee it's fine."

when you actually got to work with théo you were pulled into a meeting where you all were briefed about the situation. they clarified that they knew it was an issue with an update that was sent out early in the morning. after the meeting your boss told you that he knew you weren't supposed to be working today but you did need to stay and potentially over the weekend as well to help your team mitigate the issue as much as you all could. despite it being a global issue and not directly an issue from the monaco office, you knew that he meant he needed you there to help deploy the solution when it came through. he let you have a fifteen minute break to rearrange your travel plans and make the cancellations you needed before having you start work.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the work day ended later than usual, the later hours were spent at your home office while you were on meetings with other people on your team. luckily you were able to catch up with the results of max's first and second practice sessions through peeking at live updates while you worked. when you got the okay to clock out, you nearly fell asleep on your desk but waking back up when your boyfriend's ringtone jump scared you.

you kept your head on the desk as you opened the video call, "hey you." max's features softened when he noticed the look of exhaustion on your face, "it was that bad huh?" you gave a silent thumbs up and sighed, "i wish it didn't happen...i was so excited to come surprise you and finally be there to see you again. i'm sorry i can't make it work." max rushed to your defense, "er zijn nog genoeg andere races over in het seizoen, je kunt in plaats daarvan naar die races komen kijken." you let out an annoyed groan, "i know but i wanted to be there this time. now you'll have bad luck." max chuckled at the mention of the running joke of you being his lucky charm, "it's alright. don't worry your pretty little head about me. now come on let's go to sleep, i know you're tired." you shuffled your feet against your bedroom floor as you took your phone with you to get ready for the night. [there are plenty of other races left in the season, you can come and watch those races instead.]

as you lay in bed with your lights off max asked, "did you see they asked me about you today?" you hummed a soft, "nuh uh." he smiled at the memory and explained, "i was in an interview and they mentioned that your name was trending on twitter and asked if i saw it. i only saw that your name was trending but i didn't see what for so they told me fans made jokes that you crashed the mercedes, mclaren, and williams servers so that i could win this weekend." a sleepy smile crossed your lips and you asked, "what'd you say?" he turned over in his bed and answered, "i told them it wasn't you because you don't make mistakes in your work. you're too good at what you do. also that you aren't the one that sends out the updates so people don't need to use your name in a bad light." you grinned wider already knowing what he was going to say, "and how did that go over?" max let out an sigh and small chuckle, "the guys have been making fun of me all night for it." you let out the loudest laugh max has heard from you in weeks making him somewhat more fine with getting teased by his friends.

your laughter subsided and you told him, "tell me about something interesting." max thought for a moment then started rambling on about the geologic history of the netherlands, watching as your eyes started to droop with the passing minutes. falling asleep with your boyfriend still on the phone became a habit especially in the early days of you dating. but now you were spending more time with him that occurrences like this just started happening once more, leaving you missing his presence at night. as for now, this was the best you could get.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the end.

[yvesssssssss]

HIIII TO THE BEST WRITER 🎀🧚‍♀️✨️

It's me, again!!!

I had an idea, where Sakamoto Days Men would be with a reader who doesn’t like to eat. It may seem a bit weird, or I don't know 😭...

It's just that it's what happens to me since I'm a kid. Often even seeing food makes me disgusted. It's not anorexia!!! I just don't feel the need to eat, as if I had already eaten. So now I'm underweight and forcing myself to eat more.

You can skip this request if you want, no problem!!!

It’s okay if eating feels hard sometimes. You’re not strange for that, and you’re not alone. Go at your own pace. Small steps matter. Be gentle with yourself; healing isn’t a race. You’re doing enough. You’re doing okay. And that’s something to be proud of. (Just to clarify, the request is completely harmless. It’s all about offering comfort and care, not judgment. The story focuses on understanding and support for someone who struggles with eating, with no negativity involved. It’s about showing empathy and kindness, because everyone’s experience is unique and deserving of love and compassion.)

Nagumo yoichi

Nagumo doesn’t pry—not right away. He’s the type to notice the pattern in silence. The way you push food around your plate, the too-smooth way you dodge mealtimes, the quiet fatigue in your eyes. He picks up on it without needing to ask, but he doesn’t treat it like a problem to be solved—more like a quiet part of you he wants to understand.

“You know,” he says one afternoon, flopping onto the couch beside you, long limbs stretching across the cushions like a cat, “I’ve faked eating dinner in front of assassins more times than I can count. But with you? I’d rather just sit and talk.”

His voice is light, joking even, like always—but his eyes are sincere. Nagumo’s eyes always say more than his words.

You mumble that food makes you feel sick sometimes. That it’s hard to want it. That it’s been that way for a long time, even as a kid. That people always look confused when you try to explain it, so you stopped trying.

His expression doesn’t shift into pity. Instead, it softens into something warm and understanding.

“Thanks for telling me, sweetheart. You don’t gotta explain yourself to everyone, y’know? But to me...” He trails off and reaches out, brushing your hair away from your face, fingers gentle. “I’m here, okay? No pressure. We’ll find what works. Even if it's just sitting together while you take a few bites of something small.”

Then he grins like it’s no big deal. “Besides, this gives me an excuse to make those stupid cute lunches. You’ve seen the ones online? With the pandas and the octopus sausages?”

He kisses your temple, then opens a small pink lunchbox he packed—something super simple, gentle on the stomach. A few lightly salted rice crackers, some sliced fruit in flower shapes, a little cup of miso soup that still steams. Inside, there’s a hand-drawn note. A doodle of the two of you and a silly pun: “You’re soy amazing.”

He doesn’t expect you to finish it. He doesn’t comment if you only take a nibble. He just sits there and chats about nothing and everything, feet propped on the coffee table, voice warm and easy.

He makes eating feel like just another quiet part of the day—something shared, not forced.

Shin Asakura

Shin hears it in your thoughts before you ever say a word.

The frustration. The guilt. The discomfort. The way your mind runs in circles—I should eat... but I just can't. Why can't I be normal about this?

At first, he doesn’t know what to say. He’s still young, and things like this aren’t written in any manual. His instincts scream to help you, but he doesn’t want to overstep. Still, he starts paying closer attention.

He watches the way you turn away when someone puts a plate in front of you. The way your hand hovers like you want to try but just can’t do it.

One evening, he gently sets a tray on the table in front of you. It’s not a full meal. It’s a small mug of warm broth—mild, barely seasoned—and a tiny bowl of soft white rice.

“I know it’s not much,” he says, sitting beside you, his knee bumping yours lightly, “but I figured maybe we could start really small. No pressure. And if it’s too much, that’s okay too.”

You blink at him, caught between guilt and gratitude. But he doesn’t push. Doesn’t pressure.

Instead, he opens a manga and starts reading it out loud, voice animated and goofy. “Okay, so get this—the villain's name is literally Egghead. Who names their evil genius that?”

His voice fills the room, light and warm and silly. He doesn’t watch you. Doesn’t measure how much you eat.

When you manage even a few spoonfuls, he pauses, glances over, and beams.

“You did great. Seriously.”

He means it. No expectations. No end goal. Just you, and him, and slow, gentle progress.

Gaku

Gaku notices fast—but he doesn’t ask right away. He watches you like he watches an opponent, picking up on subtle patterns. But when he realizes what’s going on, his concern doesn’t come out in soft words—it comes out raw and honest, the only way he knows how.

“You’re not eating,” he says bluntly one afternoon. “And I’m not mad. But it makes me worry, ‘cause I like seeing you strong.”

He’s sitting beside you on the floor, knees pulled up, a chopstick dangling from between his fingers. He looks over at you with that intense, sharp gaze—but there’s no accusation in it. Just care.

Then he gently hands you a little bowl—something warm, simple, with plain noodles and a light broth. No heavy smell. Nothing greasy. Just warm, nourishing comfort food.

“You don’t have to scarf it down or anything. Just... try a little? For me?”

You hesitate. You’ve heard these words before, but they always came with pressure. With stares. With disappointment.

But Gaku’s gaze doesn’t demand anything. He rests his chin on your shoulder and lets out a small sigh.

“I get it, y’know? Sometimes, even thinking about eating makes my chest tight. Not the same thing, maybe, but... close enough.”

He doesn’t say anything else. Just sits there, still and solid, the warmth of his body grounding you.

When you take a single bite, he leans over and nudges your arm. “Atta girl. Proud of you.”

And he means it. With every fiber of his chaotic, reckless self.

Uzuki Kei

Uzuki doesn’t say much at first. He notices, of course—he notices everything. The untouched plate. The quiet nausea. The way your shoulders hunch like you’re bracing for someone to scold you again.

But he doesn’t rush you.

One night, he sits beside you at the table, the silence between you soft and open. The air smells faintly of tea and fresh rain.

You’re both quiet. Your untouched food sits in front of you.

“You’ve felt like this since you were young, haven’t you?” he asks, voice so low it’s nearly a whisper.

You nod.

He folds his hands in his lap. His expression is unreadable for a moment, but his eyes are gentle. “I understand the feeling of not wanting to force something your body resists. It’s not weakness. It’s your reality.”

Then, in a rare moment of visible tenderness, Uzuki reaches into his coat pocket and sets something on the table: a small glass jar, filled with delicate tea leaves. Chamomile and ginger. Fragrant, calming.

“I found this blend in a shop near the coast. The old woman said it helps soothe the stomach and steady the nerves.”

He stands to boil water, his movements deliberate and quiet. When he returns, the tea is steaming in delicate cups, and he slides one toward you.

“No food tonight, if that’s what you need,” he says. “Just this. Let’s sit together.”

You sip the tea slowly. The warmth seeps into your fingertips, and you realize—he doesn’t need you to eat for him. He’s not waiting for a result.

He’s simply there. Calm. Unshakable.

He watches the steam rise, then glances at you, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“You’re not alone in this. You never were.”

And for once, you believe it.

[sailorsoons]

Hi I'm a new baby carat and I wanted to ask if I should stop stanning seventeen? Like all of this boycott going on. Does this mean I should hate on them? I genuinely don't understand. English is not my first language. Can you please clarify because people are saying they are 'stepping back from seventeen' what does this mean? And your post about jeonghan enlisting and carats losing all the plot. I didn't understand that. This is my first time stanning a kpop group so I don't know what to do. I'm genuinely asking please don't think I'm mocking you or anything!

Hi, I think the most important thing to takeaway from all of the discourse going on is that you should participate in fandom and interact with Seventeen's content however you want to and however you're comfortable doing. There is no right or wrong answer. It is okay to be upset with them and still consume or read content about them. Two things can be true at once: you can be really upset with someone and not like something they're doing, and you can still like their music and listen to it because it's a source of joy for you. This isn't hypocrisy, this is cognitive dissonance and we need to be comfortable living in it.

None of the conversations right now mean you should hate Seventeen at all. No one who is upset with them hates them. I think that, unfortunately - and this applies really specifically to Western online discourse because I don't know if it's the same everywhere else - society is now unable to separate criticism from sending hate. We have reached a point where feedback, criticism, discussion and voiced opinions are considered 'being a hater' or 'sending hate' or 'unstanning' and that's really not the case at all. Providing feedback, input and criticism has always been a part of media, fandom and other industries in general, but we have really lost our way in that functionality of how communication works and it's turned into people accusing those giving feedback as 'hating' something when that is not, in fact, the case.

When people say they're stepping back from Seventeen, they just mean they need a bit of a mental break or some clarity. For a lot of us, it's an uncomfortable situation to write/produce stories about Seventeen when they are actively doing things in real life that go against 1) what you believe in 2) probably how you portray them in fanfic 3) the standards you would hold your friends to. So it puts a bit of pressure on content creators to keep writing for people who are essentially not aligning with their ethics and beliefs, on top of the fact that most of the people I know who are in fandom right now have been having a really hard year or have been really busy with life and work. So rather than try to be active in a space that is tiring them out while Seventeen is also creating some discourse, it's easier to step back and I fully support them.

My comment about Jeonghan enlisting and us losing the plot was totally a joke. It was more of me poking fun at the fact that Jeonghan enlisted and now we have a whole bunch of problems with the way Seventeen is promoting themselves and some of the people they're doing business with. I do not actually believe Jeonghan not being enlisted would have stopped that, I was just being silly!

I hope this helps give a little bit of clarity to some of your questions. Being in fandom is hard sometimes because we have a sort of pseudo-symbiotic relationship with the people we're fans of because a lot of us consume/create content made based on them, and when stuff like this happens, it causes causes because people don't know how they should respond, react, or what the right course of action is.

My advice is to take the course of action that feels right to you. The only person you have to answer to at the end of the day is you, so please do not feel pressured to do anything except what you want!

Please let me know if there's any other way I can help clarify! I know it's kind of scary to ask or figure out what the hell is going on but I am always happy to try and shed light.

[weclassybouquetfun]

When I'm in a Lewis Pullman fan competition and Danny Ramirez is my opponent.

This is really a THUNDERBOLTS* spoilers filled post, with time out to celebrate the friendship of TOP GUN: MAVERICK costars and MCU newbies Lewis Pullman and Danny Ramirez (FALCON & WINTER SOLDIER and CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD).

Now on to THUNDERBOLTS*. Warning: SPOILERS ALL UP IN YOUR FACE!

-I don't know the reason why Steven Yeun dropped out of the role of Bob / Sentry / The Void, but this was a great opportunity for Lewis Pullman who I have been a fan of since BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE.

He was not in the Amazon with her mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.

Funny enough, the BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE director wanted Tom Holland (who had his own Bob-esque fcuk as bob in THE CROWDED ROOM) for the role that went to Pullman. Second best is good enough!

Lewis with Sentry co-creator, Paul Jenkins.

-I avoid trailers and try my hardest to avoid spoilers, but as I am terminally online I knew that a character dies very early in the film.

What a relief it was only Olga Kurylenko's Taskmaster!

And as the saying, "There's a lid for every pot" is a truism, there were fans of the character that were angry as they were misled in the trailers.

Mate, you were not there.

But her death works for me because at that moment each one was there with a kill order. They are all skilled mercenaries so why wouldn't they complete their - no pun intended - task? It's unrealistic to not lose one of them. And while yeah, it was quick and dirty, at least Yelena honoured her and was defended her. It's really more respect she got in BLACK WIDOW.

-I wasn't sure about the lineup because, outside of Yelena, John Walker didn't wow me in FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER, Ghost was a non-entity to me in ANT-MAN AND THE WASP, didn't care about Taskmaster and Red Guardian is alright; but they were all utilized well and using these disgraced characters to highlight shame and depression and trauma was a good way to give them a redemptive arc.

-I'm glad I don't watch trailers until after I have seen a film because the trailer spoiled Bucky's Terminator / Ethan Hunt motorcycle moment. I was so happy for the disposal of politician Bucky

to badassery Bucky.

I initially thought Bucky was only being used because they needed a big established character in the film, but his inclusion makes so much sense in that Bucky is still dealing with his trauma of being brainwashed; he's just not ready confront that again.

So many hairstyles - almost all stringy and greasy looking.

What l Liked: The fake out of Geraldine Viswanathan's Mel trying to help Bucky. That duplicitous so-and-so. Just like the contessa!

What I Didn't Like: The Contessa. A little bit of that character goes far. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is still acting like she's on a sitcom.

What I Liked: Yelena being the heart of the film; just as in Black Widow. Her vulnerability has always been a part of her, not just something they drag out as needed. And even in her darkness she still had the desire to uplift and save Bob.

Who people are shipping now. I mean, I do get it. But, nah.

Yelena co-creators Devin Grayson and J.G Jones at the premiere with writer/inker Jimmy Palmiotti.

The people have spoken.

What I love about Grayson is that fan outrage follows them wherever they lands. Grayson has made statements in the past about Yelena being ace or aro-ace, which some people took as canon, but Grayson later clarified it's not canon; just their own headcanon; which then people got angry about because they felt Grayson was backing down due to fanboys.

As someone who watched the eventual DC Comics banishment of Grayson after a series of things that made fans meltdown, I say to Marvel fans...

-What I Didn't Like - Having "The Fantastic Four Theme" as one of the music credits spoiled the post-credit scene.

-What I Liked: Teamwork! Every joining in to save Bob from The Void smacked of "IT" where the kids join in to defeat Pennywise the Clown. But the film/tv version, not the book orgy version. Although, I would not have been made at them using that tactic to defeat The Void.

And great that they show that - to borrow a phrase from another character's story, "With great power comes great responsibility." Not just anyone needs to have power and Bob definitely did not need power because he was so easy to corrupt due to his hurt. I suspect he will eventually learn how to wield it in a way where he can keep The Void at bay.

Overall - fun; but definitely felt its three hours heading into the third act.

-Next up: AVENGERS DOOMSDAY!

Winston Duke, RDJ, Paul Rudd, Channing Tatum, Simu Liu, Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Mackie.

Hemsworth, Tatum, Liu, Rudd, RDJ, Ebon Moss-Bachrach (with a Flat Stanley of Pedro Pascal), Vanessa Kirby, Duke and Mackie.

[aceecee]

Insatiable - Author's note

Hey,

I was not expecting this series to get the love it has and your compliments have me combusting. Thank you all for the love and support you've shown.

I just wanted to let you know that the next few updates might be slow, I have to revisit the main storyline to get a better understanding on the characters. I also have to look online for videos on the boy's second myths because I only have Caleb's, I don't even have Xavier's first one (he won't come home!!). I have an idea to get reader involved in them but it might not end up happening. I also start classes again next week and I have a job too.

These are some things I wanted to explain:

Ever is not the organisation that took reader. the organisation has its own goal. I did this because the main story is so rarely updated and a lot of the lore isn't explained. also the game at the same time is packed with lore so remembering it all is difficult

expect things to take dark turns with the organisation, i haven't expanded much on them because the focus is on the cast right now. this is where the non-con warning takes place because of non-consensual acts. I'm clarifying that I don't mean rape in this case, I am never writing that. That being said, I apologise now if I don't end up handling these dark themes properly. I am still very much a novice writer, this is my first work. I'll put more detailed warnings when we get to it but it won't be for a while. Expect plot holes as well, I get carried away in my writing sometimes and write things that I never end up expanding on. I'm trying to fix that.

in case you haven't realised, people noticed that reader isn't meant to be a part of their world, it's also why the main cast feel such a pull towards her. It's also why I've given reader a nature evol, it felt fitting.

this your reminder that is a yandere series so there are already warnings for that put up - also a 18+ fic so if I don't see your age in your bio, I will block you. Despite it being a yandere fic, reader is very much into it - mostly because she's so desperate for love thanks to her first life that she takes their obsession as a compliment but the relationships will be like 50% healthy. Also the character's themselves are labelled as ooc before anyone comes for me.

speaking of reader, she's meant to be very flawed. She's egotistical while very insecure. Loving while a very hateful person. weak and strong etc there'll be moments you don't agree or relate to her and that's fine! I've put her through so much and I will continue to do so! also she's meant to be tall, it's for my tall girlies out there.

there's been hints of the cast not having issues sharing reader (MC and Caleb), this is a poly fic. If that's not your cup of tea, don't worry I plan to have seperate endings for each of the characters.

If anything in this story doesn't appeal to you, it's not my problem. I'm not going to entertain comments like 'ew I don't like poly' etc, thankfully I haven't gotten any yet (only love from my lovelies). The block button exists for a reason, use it and move on.

I'm appreciative of criticisms for example I received comments letting me know it was hard to dictate who was who in my writing so I've been making sure not to do that. It was so helpful so please give me advice, just be nice about it.

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 7

vibes anon (new), fearless anon, bi-awakening anon (new), mortified anon (new), on and off anon (new), midnights anon

Vibes anon

I have a... question

So when people just put like... "any/all" or "I don't know" in their bio for pronouns, what do you use? Cause like I appreciate the rejection of gender but I don't want to like... do the wrong thing. And being online, I fall into the trap of making up like vibes or even appearances for my friends kinda like I do with book people. So I don't want to get into fhe habit of thinking about people wrong. I just don't know how to handle it best. (Coming from someone who doesn't really get gender but doesn't want to make people uncomfy)

Honestly my first reaction whenever I'm unsure is to ask people. But if they really say I can use any, then I tend to switch it up. Because I think when someone says 'any' or 'idc' or whatever, and you tend to go with the pronoun they're like...perceived as by society, then that's almost assigning them a gender? At least it could be taken that way.

But I don't think it's bad to ask clarifying questions!

_____________

fearless anon

hi cas it's fearless anon

so i read this term somewhere it's 'nimby-ist' i think and the meaning's basically a not in my backyard liberalist and that perfectly describes my parents

my mom keeps telling me that i shouldn't wear the fact that i'm gay "on my sleeve" like brother i don't, not really, like my friends know i'm gay and i talk about the girls in our year that i like/have liked with them with codenames and we never bother changing the pronouns so yeah people might've found out from that and the fact that they have no volume control and a few of them know because i actually told them but like i don't go out of my way to make it known, not because i'm secretive about it but like it's not really relevant most of the time so like yeah but like even when i first came out she didn't want me to tell a lot of people or actually anyone at all because i'd get "labelled" and shit and what if something changed later. she had a friend who dated a girl but got married to a guy so now she thinks that maybe somehow i could be the same despite me telling her that i don't like men and am honestly a bit repulsed by them bc the boys my age here that my friends and i have interacted with so far are shit and because she grew up with most of her friends being guys she thinks i just haven't met the "right guy" like tf woman. oh and when i told her that her friend was bi she said that everyone is and i'm willing to bet that if i was straight she would've never said that. and she actually mentioned in the past that i should think about it carefully because it might hold me back in life like it's literally a part of me i can't exactly change it??? also she read a book with a trans mc once but recently she saw a picture of her ex colleague's son who was openly gay already and he looked like he was transitioning or at least looked very fem which my mom obviously took to mean as transitioning and then she's like "yeah i don't have a problem with you being gay straight or bi but i still have a problem stomaching trans people" like she doesn't have a problem maybe but she's definitely not as comfortable with it as she keeps saying she is.

and then my dad. well we don't really talk much about this shit because he's focused more on my academics than any other aspect of my life and doesn't really talk or want to talk about the rest but when i was telling him about how gay marriages may be banned in one of the states, he was like "stop getting so worked up over it and it's not even our country" and no, it isn't legal in our country either which is actually one of the reasons i want to leave but sure whatever.

i mean they aren't homophobic but they're also not not homophobic like they don't have a problem with it in fiction but they, especially my mom idrk about my dad, doesn't really like it irl and unfortunately for her, her daughter is gay.

Okay I'd never heard this term before so I googled it and...yeah, that's so many people, isn't it? but this IS homophobia, because it's still wanting queer people to be treated differently that straight people. And it's believing stereotypes, not wanting to be around queer people, etc.

It sucks that so many people are like that, and I'm glad you can recognize that. I hope you know that no matter who you end up with, it's acceptable and valid and your happiness is what's important.

______

Bi-awakening anon

i recently realised sirius black was my bi-awakening, being the androgynous king he is. then i realised he was also my brother's gay awakening. now im confused af. a little advice would be nice. our parents are 100% lgbtq-phobes, so that doesn't make it any easier either. we're twins and all we have for support in this matter is each other, because our friends think we're joking when we say we're bi/gay respectively.

Hi!

I mean a person (real or fictional) can be one than one person's queer awakening, and can make one person realize something different than what another person realizes. Especially in this case, where the person is fictional, it's completely valid for this to happen.

I'm glad you two are able to support each other. If you ever need to talk, I'm here!

___________

mortified anon

Oh my gosh Cas I was absolutely mortified earlier

I went to my maths classroom but my other maths teacher and a sub were in there so I ran and went to my friend down the hall and pretended I needed a pen and went into the room and one of the boys was like “is she meant to be in here” and my friend said I was just getting a pen and he kept asking if I was supposed to be there and my friend had a go at him like “LEAVE POOR XXXX ALONE” and honestly it felt nice to have someone stand up for me like that but I felt so awkward tho bc like I had to walk right past the teacher to get in 😭

Hi!

I knew this feels embarrassing now, but I PROMISE you that by tomorrow (a few days, tops), ten other embarrassing things will have happened to other people, and your moment will have been forgotten about <3 At least you learned you have a great friend!

-----

On and off anon

Hey cas

I have a problem

So I'm dating this girl right, we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now

Its been feeling on and off like idk what to do right

And today this boy asked me out and it got me thinking, should I keep dating her or should I break up with her, should i say yes to him idk cas i don't want people to judge me either

And if I say no, idk how to let him down slowly either

Hi!

Honestly, I think if you're not sure about this girl and you're considering someone else, it's not fair to act like nothings wrong...like you at least need to communicate with her that things don't feel the same. It might be that she says she wants to work through it and when she says that, you decide the same, or maybe she'll say the same and you decide to break up. Or maybe you just decide to break up right away. But like...I feel like if I was in her shoes, and my partner was considering leaving me for someone else and I had no idea? I would be so sad.

And honestly it could just be that you two have grown apart, and that's okay. Sometimes relationships just fizzle, and that's sad, but it doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong. But you need to talk about it with her. It's okay to be confused about your relationship, but I don't think it's okay to like...keep all that from her.

_____

Midnights anon

Hello! It’s midnights anon! I’m really sorry for sending in another ask

Before I get into the annoying/bad stuff I have good news! I had a good weekend! I read, cooked my own food, listened to vinyl, and I felt content and did my homework in advance. I felt pretty good! I wasn’t all that tired or melancholy, and I even read/annotated for 2 hours straight!

But now that I have school again the bad stuff comes back

I don’t really know who I am honestly? I want to be quiet but I’m still so so overstimulated and overwhelmed at school and I love my friends but… sometimes they make me feel like I’m bothering them? Honestly it doesn’t matter, I just have to hide and push that bad stuff down for later, but it still hurts, y’know? I just wish I knew how to be quieter when overstimulated. I wish I didn’t laugh as loudly or acted the way I did. But it doesn’t matter, still. I have a plan for life and I’ll stick to it. My 5 year plan is mostly for me to organize life in general and learn to exist and be a normal person. The first year (this year) is to be normal. It’s to do my homework, go to school events, and cook, basically use willpower to beat depression, autism, adhd, anxiety, etc.

2nd year I’m not sure, probably physical stuff, like ways I really like dressing and expressing myself, what my brain thrives on when it comes to food and studying, etc., maybe get a job

3rd year is like, interpersonal relationships and stuff and unpack any lingering issues/trauma from it

4th year is my senior year, so it’ll mostly be about studying for SATs and college stuff (I’m planning on becoming a therapist, and I’m really excited. There’s this YouTube channel, cinema therapy, where a therapist and movie director watch and analyze the mental state of movie characters and how the direction interacts with the characters, and I’ve already learned SO much about therapy and the human brain)

And 5th year is (probably?) my first year of college (I’m probably not taking a gap year, but who knows) and I’m gonna use it to settle in to college, and get used to being on my own

Also, I’ve been reading a lot more (most of it being marauders fan fiction) and it’s comforted me so much? It reminds me of my own life in a sense? The marauders being in 4th or 5th year, with talks of a war arising, murmurs about a (clearly evil) guy rising to power and gathering followers, discrimination based on identity/birth status, etc.

And reading the sad fanfics have helped too. It’s like… if bad things happened to the marauders, the betrayal, the death, the breakups, the destruction, the trauma, the pain, the loss, it kinda shows me that good things can happen too? Even if there’s so much pain and anguish, Wolfstar managed to exist in the little moments that weren’t spent fighting a war. It’s made me less afraid of dying, which sounds stupid and weird but I… am not terrified of death?

Obviously I want to live (and I’m really really happy I’ve started to mean those words more and more), but dying doesn’t seem so scary. James and Lily died but their lives were good and exuded kindness and good

With all that said, I have a question

What’s it like being an adult? Like, you have a job and a wife and a life. That’s AWESOME, and I was wondering how different being an adult felt than being a teenager?

I hope you’re having a good day, and thank you for reading. You’re a kind soul and so many people are grateful for you :]

Hi!

I'm so glad you seem to be doing better overall, and you have a five year plan! Trust me when I tell you that nobody has themselves completely figured out- it's okay to not have yourself figured out either.

Being an adult is complicated, lol. I think there's pros and cons...like I miss being a teenagers because being a teenager means you can kind of just...act silly whenever you want, and adults don't bat an eye. When you make mistakes, they tend to be easier to fix. And, if you're lucky, you have things like your housing, food, and basic needs paid for and taken care of.

But when you're an adult, you don't have anyone controlling you. You can make your own decisions and you have a lot more freedom. You have more responsibilities, yes, but you have so many more choices.

I don't know which I prefer in a vacuum, but I'd say I'm happier now.

[attapullman]

I went on a date last night and there was something I said off-hand that he had me clarify and we ended up having a great discussion about dating in your twenties.

Under the cut so you can ignore but this conversation has been living in my head but also this is v different from my normal content.

He had asked about my dating journey and why I've been single for nearly a decade and I said, "I've dated some really great guys but they weren't ready yet."

This observation isn't gender-specific as much as it is age specific (though I'll stick with men for this example as that's who I date). Your twenties are when you're figuring yourself out, when you're between chasing what feels comfortable and exploring the new. And I'm only qualified to say that as someone who has been in the thirties club for a week.

The past decade has had a lot of heartbreak. And often when someone hurts us we cast them as being a bad person because it's easier to have an enemy than to have someone nice hurt you. But the men who hurt me worst in my twenties aren't bad guys. I would actually recommend to others to date. They just weren't ready to be boyfriends. Or specifically, boyfriends to me.

This guy was a bit confused by that (not sure if it was how I was explaining or the margs) so I elaborated. In my experience, guys love dating. Going out, making out, maybe spending time with each other's respective friend groups. They love the fun part of dating. But when it comes to being a boyfriend (meeting parents, having to schedule plans, taking care of you when you're sick) that's not a responsibility everyone is up to when you're an adult child. It's all fun and games and movie nights until you go "hey can we make a plan for next week?" and suddenly you've been ghosted in a relationship you thought was going well.

I have a long-term fwb who we've reached the stage of brutal honesty. And when I've asked him why we don't work out as a couple (he ghosts me every time things get sort of serious) he has said that he can't live up to the expectation of being my boyfriend. Which baffled me because he's had several girlfriends in all the years I've known him and I don't think I'd be considered a high maintenance gf. But those girls had low expectations of him, they were okay with him being lazy and just wanting to fuck around and do the fun part of dating. And he knew I expected better of him - knew he was capable of being a full-on boyfriend - and he wasn't ready for that responsibility when we were 24, or 26, or even 28.

And in the same vein, it wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I even really understood all that goes into a healthy relationship. I would not have been prepared to have many of the conversations you need to have! The last year of dating has actually weeded out so many men I would have pursued because I understand better what I'm looking for and also what that person is able to offer.

I see so much discourse online about online dating and specifically hating on men for being garbage. And trust me, I called the guy from last night lovely and my friend said "I'm screenshotting this because I don't think I've ever seen you compliment a man". But one lesson I've taken from the past decade plus of dating - specifically online dating - is that not everyone is ready to date. And you're better off accepting that in a person and moving on (trust me, every person who ghosts you is in that boat and not worth your tears).

Anyway, wanted to share this brain dump as I know I'm not the only one sludging through the dating pool right now and wondering why it's so hard to get a second date (or hell, a first date). Sometimes the other person just needs to bake a little longer even though you're already ready to frost.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hello I have a question on behalf of my friend who doesn't have tumblr. So, my friend has been working on her long story for about 2 years now when she found time after school. However, it was recently discovered that she has a tumour in her brain that she will have surgically removed within the coming months and while she told me the chances of anything happening is low, she is still worried and has expressed concern over her story. She told me that she has so much of the story planned out but not written down, so many details or plotpoints etc.... So her question is: how can one prepare for the worst case senario if you have an unfinished story? There are so many details and conversations that need to happen.

Friend Concerned About Surgery/Not Finishing Story

It's very nice of you to ask on her behalf. Just to clarify, though, I'm not a legal expert, so I can't give you or your friend legal advice. Just some ideas based on personal experience.

As much as I wish this would be an easy thing for your friend to address, it isn't. Our stories are copyrighted the moment they are written down in a tangible form, and if something happens to us, that manuscript and all of the pertinent documents and notes become part of our estate. That said, it would be up to the executor of the estate to determine what is done with the story based on the person's wishes as outlined in their will. If someone wanted another person to finish the story for them, they would be designated as this person in their will and the executor would contact them and give them any documents and instructions that were needed. But, ideally, this will have been arranged between the writer and other person long before. If there isn't time for those conversations, your friend could put as much of the detail and instructions as they can in a document and have it kept with their important documents.

If your friend doesn't have a will or an estate (if they're a minor, for example), this is just something that will have to be arranged between them and the person they want to finish their story, but they should also make sure to notify their parents/guardians that this permission has been given, and may even want to give the person a notarized document stating that they give the person permission to finish the story. Otherwise, the friend's family could potentially file for copyright infringement.

I worry a little because I remember getting a similar ask a while back about someone who had been reading a story in progress, and it looked like the writer had passed, and this person wanted to know if they could just finish the story since they'd talked to this person and knew where the story was going. And I'm hoping this ask isn't coming from the same person looking for some loophole that would allow them to go ahead and do this. So, just in case and to clarify: you can't finish someone else's story without their express written permission. It doesn't matter whether that story was posted online and abandoned, or whether they told you what was going to happen and you're the only one who can finish it, or even if you had a verbal agreement. The best anyone could do in that scenario would be to contact the family (who either hold the copyright or have a right to contest infringement) and ask for permission.

And, in the case of this ask specifically, if the friend wants you or someone else to finish their story if the worst happens, they need to make sure they have granted you written permission that is notarized or otherwise legally commissioned.

Ultimately, your friend probably will want to talk to a lawyer. Though, I am deeply hoping that they come through their surgery safely and successfully so they don't have to worry about it. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[timeslostart]

March 19th, 2021

THERAPEUTIC KNITTING - STRESSED NO MORE

It really is a thing...

Being a single mom can be hard at the best of times, let alone in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic.  Moving back to my hometown (city actually), finding a full-time job after being a stay at home mom for two years, trying to start my own business and dealing with the daily trials and tribulations of having a now four year old little boy is not easy.  (Read my Halloween post :P)

The one thing that has been helping me get through this very trying time is that I have wonderfully creative and supportive people in my life that constantly push me to continue to be creative myself.  I draw a lot of inspiration for my designs from the people I know and the situations that arise in my life.  No situation or experience is too tough to get through.

I always try to see the glass half full even though lately it's been getting harder and harder to do so in my personal life and my professional life.

I have been working on this mountain blanket design since last July for a Christmas present (that was the goal anyway as it is March 2021 now) and I've had to start over six times already.  I try not to look at this as a failure as I've learned so much trying to attempt this pattern that I created; new stitches and new techniques in order to get the result I desire but it still has been a very long, difficult process.  Because of this I thought it might be interesting in this post to talk about how I create my patterns and how many times I do start over in order to get it just right.  This is my personal version of knit therapy.  Sometimes in order to create you must first destroy!  Ripping out my knitting after getting frustrated with it can be truly satisfying at times.

STEP 1 Idea

Now an idea for a new design can literally come from anything or anywhere for that matter.  My friend's favourtite colour or a conversation I have with my child; even a picture or image I see online or in my travels.  For my mountain blanket it all started with a conversation that I had with my coworker.  He talked about growing up in Banff, Alberta and how he would go snowboarding in the mountains and bam it hit me, I'd design a pop art inspired piece.  That's all it was in the beginning, just two words... mountains and pop art. (well I guess three words but you get the idea)

STEP 2 Design

Designing is always fun for me.  I get to let my imagination run wild.  For patterns that involve any kind of pictures as part of the design element, like my mountain blanket, I use my Microsoft Excel program and create a chart.

Once that is underway I decide on a size for my pattern and adjust my chart accordingly.  This can take a few hours or even a few days to get just right.  My blanket was designed specifically to fit a twin bed so it was quite a big undertaking to begin with and having to start over six times... I'm surprised I haven't ripped all my hair out yet.

STEP 3 Making

Now it's one thing to have an idea and another to have a design but if you can't take your vision and turn it into reality it's back to square one.  I have spent the past 8 months trying to make this blanket work.  It has a beautiful seed stitch pattern followed by the mountain design and I just can't get my tension on the mountains right.  My stitches are either too tight or too loose or my yarn drags too much on the underside of the blanket.  It's been such a frustrating project, I've actually shed a few tears over it.  That's where Step 4 comes in.

STEP 4 Adapting

Like I said earlier this blanket was meant to be a Christmas present.  I should clarify, it was Christmas 2020.  So three weeks before Christmas I had finally had it with my blanket.  Enough was enough.  I was still only half done and had to rip out the mountain section yet again.  Nothing seemed to be going right and it looked like I wasn't going to have a gift to give at our Christmas gathering when I decided that my best course of action was to get back to basics and go back to my roots.

In one of my earlier posts I mentioned that I was a cross-stitcher before I was a knitter.  That skill certainly came in handy here.  A knitting chart and a cross-stitching chart are very similar so it was quite easy to convert my mountain pattern over to a smaller needle and thread.

Four weeks later I had my design completed as a cross-stitch just in time for our Christmas gathering.  (sometimes a Covid-19 quarantine around the holidays resulting in festivity postponement works in your favour)  A good lesson here was not only do you need to know how to adapt but you need to know when to adapt.  As an artist and as a person I need to know my limits and when certain skills or certain things are just out of my reach.  It doesn't mean that I'm going to give up, it just means that I need more time to acquire what I need in order to succeed.  At the end of the day I'm still new to knitting, I've been doing it for less than a decade and I still have so much left to learn.  I just need a little bit more time before I can attempt the kind of intricate patterns that I would like to do.  Until then it's good to take a break from knitting every once and a while and make sure my embroidery skills stay sharp.

Pop Art Mountain Mash-Up 2.0

Not too shabby!

If you would like to purchase any wooden embroidery hoops or embroidery thread please check out our website: https://www.timeslostart.com for more details.

A smaller cross-stitched version of this mountain pattern will be available for purchase in the summer months.

Gabrielle Vansteelandt - Times Lost Art

[sibillascribbles08]

some questions because you offered to answer and I am curious. you don't have to answer whatever you're not cool with. you can pick and choose. I am nosy and do not know what's considered rude.

combining pride asks 9 and 15: when did you realise you weren't cishet? How has your identity changed over time?

also, number 10: what's something that gives you gender euphoria? I know the point of agender is error 404 gender not found/apathy to it all, but I was wondering regardless.

and this isn't a pride ask but genuinely I am curious-- how does someone have no pronouns? and how does that work in 'practice'? I hope that's appropriate to ask.

Yeah I don't mind answering tho I don't have the best memory for these sort of things.

I don't think I considered I wasn't het until probably college?? To give a smidge of backstory I did spend 8 years in a christian school so my perspective on what was even POSSIBLE in terms of attraction and gender was insanely limited. My friends in highschool opened my eyes to different sexualities but I didn't really find out about asexuality until either late highschool or early college. And it explained a lot because despite people saying "oh you'll wanna do the sex thing one day" that just NEVER hit me, so me being ace made a ton of sense. (and also just opened my eyes to oh yeah I can find anyone attractive in some ways huh).

Gender came like... WAY later, there's a lot of things in hindsight that make sense knowing this about me now but it wasn't on the table for years. When you're super apathetic about your gender it's kinda hard to realize you're not... actually a girl. And it's easy to pass a lot of things off as just "being a tomboy" or "being raised with older brothers" or "I picked the boy trainer this time cause his design is better" wheeze.

So I do NOT remember when I found the term agender and its meaning but the minute I did it clicked. It was like OH. Yeah ! Gender is not even a part you're trying to build a bike and using a tomato as a part it will never work.

Since my agender comic blew up I have had a few people try to tell me that "not caring about gender still makes you a girl" who I promptly blocked because I don't give a damn about their opinions, but I wonder if they're also in the same kinda mindset, that not having a gender just means you're cis.

But I'm not here to give them the time of day.

I settled on ace, then realized I'm panromantic, then figured out I'm agender, and I'm pretty solid on that, though I have debated if I'm on the aro spectrum thanks to how I approach romance but???? eh that's a whole can of worms.

As for gender euphoria... yeah getting that IS kind of hard when you have no gender asldkfja Admittedly there are moments where I put some clothing on and it's like oh hey I look kinda ambiguous right now. I think the better moments are just wearing something that feels like "me" but that can also shift with time....... life is ever changing.

AS for no pronouns yeah it's a little hard to wiggle around at times. Ideally people would just use my name (you can substitute names almost always for pronouns) but this can sound hella clunky essp if you're typing it up.

i.e. instead of "I spoke to Scribs yesterday and he said that he would rather use his car to take us." it'd be more like "I spoke to Scribs yesterday and Scribs said that Scribs would rather use Scribs's car to take us."

Like... yeah it's clunky but that's how it SUPPOSED to work.

I'm thankfully in a position where if people do end up slipping in a pronoun or two (or using them if they aren't familiar with me) it doesn't bug me too much, but it's appreciated when people just don't.

My name is what I mainly tie my identity too, and as frustrating as it is that I can't use my actual one in online spaces, my online names are a decent substitute.

I tried neo pronouns, I never really liked they/them or it/its (for ME to clarify they are awesome pronouns), and the best I had for the longest time was he/she cause it bothered me the least, but then it was like oh wait I can just NOT use these?? Ripping off my clothes like a cartoon character and running free into the wilderness.

Anyway this got lengthy enough as is. I have no issues answering questions like this and you approached it respectfully! I know my gender won't make sense to everyone and it's fine... sometimes I struggle to wrap my head around other identities haha ! It's just more important that I be respectful though.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

hi there Frog! I'm so sorry, I'm new to the concept/use of ko-fi. can i just clarify, if I pay via ko-fi, do I get the reading on there or here on tumblr? and for deity readings in particular, do you have examples of questions that are okay/not okay to ask? thanks ever so much! today i offer you a nice and cool iced tea (as in my SEA country, it's been really hot lately)

Heyo! No need to apologize, the questions are perfectly reasonable! If you pay via Ko-Fi by ordering a commission, you get the reading in Ko-Fi messages (or I'm happy to work with anyone who isn't comfortable with that and send it on Tumblr or smth else if I'm able; I just use Ko-Fi because it's more ✨professional✨ and all that jazz.)

You've probably just seen a couple people tip before getting a Tumblr reading, since they're free/tip-based and that means that you can tip afterwards if you like it, tip not at all, or tip beforehand and get a little more effort put into your reading than a completely free one, but it's still not a full reading (unless you count a Ko-Fi single shuffle.) It's all for the sake of accessibility price-wise! It does make it easy to confuse what type of reading I'm doing where though, seeing some people mention tipping for their readings on Tumblr.

As for example questions.... hmmmm good question! Most things are on the table, honestly. My "won't do" list is fairly small right now, simply because I haven't been doing readings online very long and no one has come to me with questions I haven't been comfortable answering yet. Even if it's not on the commission list, for example, I encourage people to message me and ask if I'll do a specific type of reading because I may just have not thought of it.

Some okay question examples:

"Does [deity] have anything to say to me/about xyz situation?"

"Does [deity] want to work with me?"

"what areas of my life or craft do they want to help with?"

"What do they have to say about [insert situation]?"

Just about anything tbh! Like I said these are pretty generic examples and you can get a lot more situation-specific if you want to.

Some uncomfortable question examples:

Honestly I've typed and re-typed this part but ultimately it comes down to; not a lot. Most things I'm not comfortable with don't really apply to deity readings.

Anything sexual. Godspousal questions are okay; just not anything sexual about it. This applies to all readings though lol

Generally plz don't see me as an authority. if something doens't resonate, it just doesn't resonate- I'm capable of making mistakes. I'm confident in my readings, but that doesn't make me perfect 100% of the time.

Even if a question did hit a nerve I wouldn't be upset or anything I'd just request that the question be reworded or changed to something I'm okay with :D

Thank you so much for the ask, I hope this helps! Let me know if anything needs further clarification, I'm happy to answer any questions and such. And of course; HELL YEAH iced tea!! I don't drink tea funnily enough, despite it being such a witchy stereotype, but I shall refill my water bottle >:D

[archoniluthradanar]

I woke up this morning to find you gone

I woke up this morning to find you gone : a Volturi one-shot

The Twilight "Zone" series-these stories have a bit of strangeness about them.

Caius' human mate - First person POV

Caius' mate goes to bed with him, then falls asleep with him at her side as he is most nights. She awakens the next morning to find him gone. Not away, but really gone. And no one in the Volturi castle has ever heard of him. Or her. How will a human convince the Volturi she belongs there, and that her mate is real and is now missing.

oooooooooooooooooooo

My name is Allie Carson. I was an American who had lived in Washington state all my life. It was a fairly normal life, that is, until I met Caius. He was handsome, almost regal in his carriage, rude when it suited him, and an old-fashioned gentleman when he chose to be. I could tell right off he was...different.

I had bumped into him on the street, literally. He had been sent, he later told me, to keep an eye on a local family here in Forks.

"Are you a cop or FBI agent? I asked him, curious.

"Nothing so mundane," he replied curtly. "Why do you care?"

I ignored the snark. "Mundane? Now you have me really interested. I would never say the work of a detective or an agent of the government was mundane."

He only smirked, which intrigued me more. I told him I was on my way to have lunch at a local diner and asked him to join me. He agreed after looking around the main street. I briefly wondered what he was looking for, but by the time we reached the diner, my mind was on the hamburger lunch deal my stomach was demanding.

We sat at a table, and the waitress came by with two glasses of water. She set them down and took out her pad. "Hello, Allie, I see you found a friend. Stranger around these parts?" she asked Caius, her eyes obviously admiring him. "What can I get you both?"

"Marsha, I'll have the hamburger lunch deal, with a Coke." I looked at my impromptu companion. "Can I get you anything...uh?"

"Caius," he said, finally smiling.

"Caius? Ok then, Caius...did you want anything?"

"No, thank you. I've eaten already," he replied, leaning back against his chair.

There was that smirk again. "I guess I'm the only one eating, Marsha." After she went to put in my order, I looked the blonde man over. "Caius is a strange name."

"It's an old family name. I rather like it," he said.

"Oh, I do too. Unusual names run in my family. Even though I ended up with 'Allison', dad once told me he wanted to name me Athena, but mom objected."

"The Greek goddess," he said knowingly.

"Are your parents historians or something? Your name, the fact you instantly recognized one of the Greek gods."

"Actually, I am a historian so to speak. I...read a lot about history. Do you like history as well?"

I was so impressed to meet someone like Caius. Here in Forks, the library had minimal books on ancient history, so I had to buy a lot of used books online. "Yes, I love history, I don't even care what era. It all interests me."

His brilliant blue eyes lit up at my words, so I must have said something right. Just then, Marsha came by with my lunch plate and a glass of Coke.

"Here you go, Allie." She turned to Caius, asking him, "Sure you don't want anything?" When he shook his head, she nodded and left us alone.

We talked about anything that came into our minds until I had finished everything on my plate. "How long will you be in town?" I asked my lunch companion.

"Two days, maybe three. Then I'll return home."

"Where is home, if I may ask." I wasn't sure if he had to keep that secret, his job and all.

"I'm from Volterra." He must have seen my frown, since he immediately clarified. "Tuscany region, Italy.

"Wait. So you're not an American officer? Interesting." His accent didn't sound Italian, but perhaps he was a transplant.

We left the cafe together, but I had to get home, and Caius seemed distracted, his eyes again scanning the streets. We bid each other goodbye and went our separate ways.

I walked across the street, still watching Caius. A young man, whose face I didn't recognize, walked up to him. They seemed to speak to each other as if they knew one another. The stranger was dressed in what appeared to be clothing from another era. He was handsome as well, and I wondered who he was. I sneezed, which forced my eyes closed. By the time I opened them, Caius and the stranger were gone.

The next morning, I left my house to find the blonde stranger standing on the sidewalk out front. He smiled when I walked over to him. "I just wanted to see you before I left," he said.

We spent the rest of the morning together. I asked him if he could reveal the name of the family he was watching. Were they criminanls, I asked him. He laughed.

"Not exactly criminals. The Cullens tend to do their own thing with no concept of the law."

Did he mean Carlisle Cullen? "Caius, Dr Cullen is highly respected here in town. We feel fortunate to have such a...a skilled physician in our small hospital, when he could find a better paying position anywhere in the country. And his family's great. I don't know them very well, but we have spoken at times. Alice is so sweet, and Emmett is a hoot."

"They've done nothing wrong...yet. I was only sent to watch them," Caius replied, trying to reassure me.

I admitted to myself I was intrigued by this man, a foreigner to my country. But I was stunned when the last day of his stay, before he was supposed to leave for good, Caius demanded to see me. Demanded.

We had gone for a walk into town and ended up at the park. We sat on a bench beneath a tree. I didn't say much, unsure how I felt about his leaving. His next words stunned me.

"I want you to join me in Volterra. Come with me and be my mate. I know it sounds strange, but it won't when I explain everything."

"It's been three days! I hardly know you, Caius! What is this all about?" I looked up at him while he stood and paced in front of me.

"I cannot tell you everything, Allie. You have to trust me when I say we belong together. I confirmed this with Marcus."

"Who the hell is Marcus? Caius, are you crazy?" I shut up when he took my hands in his and sat beside me.

"I...work with Marcus. He has a gift of recognizing relationships between people, a hundred, fifty...two. He told me you and I are destined to be mates."

"Mates. As in spouses?"

"If you wish to call it that. All I know is what I feel when I am with you. My previous mate died long ago."

Long ago, he said, when he barely looked thirty years old. My head was spinning, yet when he suddenly kissed me, my brain took the time to stop thinking while I let this man gather me in his arms and continue to kiss me. When he pulled back, I gazed at him in shock. Yet could it have felt more natural.

So I left Forks forever, binding my life with Caius', before I even knew much about him, or what he was.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was like any other night, Caius and me lying in our bed while we talked about the day's events. We were laughing about something that happened, when he moved to hover over me, pressing his lower body against mine. I smiled up at him while wrapping him in my arms. then kissing him. I was still human, so he had to be careful he didn't accidently bite the tip of my tongue off. Soon he would change me, and he would not have to hold back any longer.

We made love until I was tired out. He let me lie against him, our fingers entwined. "I love you, my heart," I said.

"I love you, amore mio," he replied, pulling me closer.

I closed my eyes and Caius held me until I fell asleep.

Sunlight poured through the window, waking me. I turned to my left to see an empty spot in our bed. I sat up, calling for Caius. Maybe he was in the shower, but he usually asked me if I wanted to join him. I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. No Caius. I touched the shower wall. It was dry.

Had he been summoned by Aro for a last minute meeting or trial, and didn't want to wake me?

I quickly dressed and went in search of my mate. I entered the door of the throne room, and found no one. Perhaps they had gathered in the larger audience hall. I was on my way there when strong arms grabbed mine, pulling me back against a tall, marble-hard body.

"Felix, you startled me." When I turned to look up at him, his expression frightened me. It was as if he didn't know me. When he grabbed my arm, I struggled against the pain. "Felix, you're hurting me." Even the fearsome Felix had never harmed me since I arrived here. This was very much out of character for him.

I was unceremoniously dragged to the smaller throne room, where Aro now sat with Marcus on the dais that lacked one chair. This was crazy. Where was Caius' throne?

I was about to ask what was going on and where was Caius, when Aro rose from his throne and walked down the three steps to stand before me, Felix still holding my arms but less tightly.

"Who are you and how did you get inside this place?" His red eyes bore into mine.

"Aro, I've been here ever since Caius brought me here. And where is he, by the way. What have you done to his throne?"

I saw Aro glance back at Marcus, who was sitting still, as he usually did. The quiet one merely shook his head.

"Aro, can you please ask Felix to let me go."

Aro gave the tall guard a blink and Felix stepped back, but not far from me.

I rubbed my arms and glanced around the room to see most of the top guards standing against the wall. They all looked at me as if they didn't know me.

"What is your name, my dear," Aro asked.

I had to laugh. "You know me, brother. I'm Allie, Caius' mate?"

Aro looked aback when I called him brother. He stepped back, turned and walked slowly back to his throne, sitting once there. 'You say you are Allie, mate to Caius. Yet we know no Caius...nor you."

This was insane. I was in a nightmare it seemed.

I pointed down the line of guards. "That's Demetri, Chelsea, Afton, Santiago, Jane, Alec. Heidi is most likely out fetching tourists for your next meal. You're Aro and he's Marcus. If I hadn't been here awhile, how would I know your names or theirs? I also know you're vampires." I looked over at the empty far corner. "Where is Caius' throne? It usually sits there, at your left."

"There has never been another throne, my dear. Marcus and I are the sole leaders of the Volturi. There are no others." He spoke gently, as if to a child.

"Yes, there is! Caius helped you form the coven ages ago." I had lost my composure by now.

Aro asked me a question, I think to test my story. "And who are you to this Caius?"

"I'm his mate, from America. He brought me here 10 months ago. You promised me one year before you insisted I be changed. I have two months left. And now I don't even belong here, so it seems."

I gave a pleading look at Marcus. who was always kind to me. He stared back at me as he would a stranger.

Aro appeared to be thinking, when he suddenly stood, walked down the steps, and grabbed my wrist, saying tersely, "Come with me."

I was suddenly afraid. "Where are you taking me, Aro?" Very afraid. "Aro, please don't kill me. Give me a chance to explain!"

"Foolish human, I'm not going to kill you, or you would have been dead already." We stopped in front of our chambers, mine and Caius'. "You say these are the rooms you shared with this Caius?"

I opened the right door and walked in. "These have been Caius' rooms for longer than I know. I have lived here with him for the last ten..." My heart dropped. I looked around to find an empty set of rooms. The furniture was gone. Our belongings were gone.

I ran to the bedroom, then searched the massive closet. It was empty of our clothing and the large jewelry case Caius had bought me to hold all the beautiful necklaces, earrings and rings he had chosen for me over the months. There was nothing left behind to bear witness to his extreme generosity.

I turned to Aro. "I don't understand. It's all gone. But it was here when I woke up this morning. I dressed and left to look for Caius." I thought for a moment. If Caius had disappeared from this place, perhaps time itself, all the things he had bought for me would be gone too. It was a logical assumption that if he never existed, anything tied to him would never have been here. And I would not be here. But I was. I am.

I started to walk back to the outer door. While I stood in the corridor, I felt Aro move behind me. I awaited execution, but instead, he took my elbow and led me back the way we came.

"You're not going to kill me, Aro?"

"I said I would not. You know too much, but what you know proves some of your story. For now, Marcus wishes to speak with you."

"No problem. I know the way." He let go my arm and we walked side by side to Marcus' chambers. When we came to his doors, Aro left me there with a pleasant expression, reassuring me.

I reached up and knocked on the heavy wooden door. It opened to reveal the tall melancholy vampire.

"Welcome, my child. Come in." He stepped aside to allow me in and led me to the settee. I sat down and tried to get comfortable.

"It's good to see you again. Marcus. I'm glad you asked me here since I want to ask you, do you see me with your gift? Am I with anyone?" Caius maybe.

Marcus looked a bit surprised that I mentioned his gift. "Yes, I know about your gift. When I arrived here from America, you confirmed with Caius and me, that we were mates and belonged together. Why don't you remember that?"

Since I had arrived here in Volterra, Marcus had always favoured me, and his lack of emotion basically made him more relaxing to be around. When Caius was off on some mission with the guards, Marcus would invite me to his rooms and read to me while I lay my head on his lap. Sometimes he would comb my hair with his fingers in a soothing manner. Anything to calm me during my mate's absences.

"Sit here, child. Aro asked me to talk with you about your delusion..."

"Marcus, it's not a delusion! I'm telling you all the truth. Caius met me in America, and we spent some time while he was in Forks. He asked me to go home with him because we belonged together." How many times did I have to say it. "He checked with you, telling me you have the gift to see relationships." I shut up, too tired to speak anymore.

"I have something to ask you, child. If you want to stay here, Aro has given his permission, as long as you stay with me. Eventually if you wish, you can become my mate and I will change you myself. For now, I will ask nothing of you."

I knew what he meant. I looked over at Marcus. Dear Marcus. I had no where else to go. I nodded silently.

I stayed with Marcus for the next 4 days. He was true to his word, asking nothing of me. Instead, he did what he could to make me feel better.

He had chosen a favourite book, reading to me while my head rested on his thigh. His fingers caressed my head while he played with my hair. His soothing voice became an even drone of words.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I must have fallen asleep. I rose up on one elbow and looked around me. I was back in my bedroom, Caius' bedroom. Everything seemed as it should be. I turned to see Caius walking from the bathroom as he was drying his hair with a towel while completely naked. I stared up at him with what must have been a look of utter shock, before I jumped out of bed and ran to him, grabbing him and kissing his face and mouth.

"Oh my god, where have you been? I have been looking all over for you and no one knew who you were and everything here was gone..."

Caius dropped the towel when I had grabbed him. "Whoa, my love, what is all this? What do you mean I was missing and everything was gone."

"Am I dreaming now?" I grabbed his hands and looked at him, my expression serious. "I woke up five mornings ago. You were not in our rooms, so I went in search of you, thinking perhaps Aro had called for you. Felix found me and dragged me to the throne room. I asked Aro about you, and he acted like he had never heard of you. No one had. I was sure he was going to kill me since I had no reason to be here and was still human. I think the fact I knew so much convinced him I had been here for the last ten months." I would have rattled on hysterically had Caius not stopped me.

"Allie, shhhh...slow down, love." Caius cupped my cheek gently, then pulled me to him. He was here, back with me, and yet it was like five days ago all over again, only Caius was the one who didn't believe me.

"I spoke with Marcus and he offered to take me in so Aro would not have to kill me. He promised me if you never came back, he'd take me as his mate and change me himself."

"Wait, Allie, what are you talking about?" He gripped my upper arms with his hands. "Who the devil is this Marcus?"

Frowning, I looked at Caius in disbelief. "God, not again."

[leighlew3]

I've been thinking about this a bit lately, and there was a small misunderstanding when I dipped my toe (and then whole body 😂) into the SC / SG fandom, i.e. a few people unfortunately thinking I was trying to mislead or exploit fans in some way, because of others from this industry who used and lied to fans in the past re: a different show. And while that was unfair to paint me with the same brush without knowing me, I can understand where they could’ve had concerns because of wounds caused by others.

Hopefully people understand by now though that wasn’t the case. As I’ve said so many times before, if nobody around here ever consumes anything I write? Cool beans! But I’m both a professional in this industry and a lifelong fan girl and that’s not gonna change. And I’m going to talk about both my career and fandom stuff. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I do hope people know by now that I’m here for the right reasons, and always have been. And I always will be. But if I ever did anything that made it come across otherwise — I truly apologize. I mean it, seriously. Any misunderstandings that I might’ve inadvertently caused through making a dumb math joke or expressing that fans should always have hope and fight for what they believe in, etc — if it upset anybody in any way or wasn’t expressed properly by me at the time — I feel awful.

While I can’t do anything about a couple people who twisted my words or intentions or even flat out lied about stuff being said or done that never happened — I do want to own any part I had in it by not more quickly clarifying or shutting that stuff down. I really do feel bad about all that, because all I’ve ever wanted to do was show love and be understood and connect with people and fight for the ship and fandom, and I’ve done that online (and behind the scenes in ways that I can’t even talk about) for years now.

I adore y’all, and I will always be a Supercorp fan. I’ve always been (brutally) honest and an open book, but I’ve also just been passionate (and sometimes sadly misunderstood) by the occasional little pocket of people. And that sucks. But I don’t hold it against them, and I hope nobody holds that stuff against me.

I'm posting this now, because after losing my mom this year and with the holidays coming up, I've been reflecting a lot. And I realize that life is too short for grudges or misunderstandings that can be corrected or made amends for, so I hope people know that I love y’all and appreciate y’all and any past minor conflicts or accidental misunderstandings — even if it was just with a few people — really sucked, and I hope there can be mutual forgiveness.

Anyway, I don’t expect everybody to like me or agree with my perspectives, or even approve of how I go about expressing myself. But we can’t control anybody else in life. All we can do is control ourselves, self reflect, and work towards growth. Thus, if I ever did anything to make anybody — even just 2 or 3 or 10 people — feel any kind of negative way, that's a big oops on my end, and I'm sorry.

And if some of those people still feel like it was entirely justified to target me so intensely the way they did — hey, bygones and I forgive it — and I still want to offer nothing but love and hope that the future brings better things for us all. For real.

TLDR: The last 5-ish years on a personal level have been incredibly difficult, and the last 6+ months have been emotional hell, but the ship between Kara/Lena and the SC fandom as a whole has been there for me in the most incredible of ways (through humor and fan art and fanfiction and friendships and lions and tigers and bears). And I’ve tried to be there in return, as much as humanly possible, and as authentically as possible.

And that’s why the little percentage that didn't like or trust me — I hope we can metaphorically hug it out and move forward and I hope I’ve made some progress in your perception of me over time, but even if not — or hell, if it’s gotten worse for some reason, I’m going to continue to show love and support towards this ship / fandom and fight for our LGBTQ community. Because I truly care. Even if I’m human and make some mistakes along the way, past or future. Even if people misunderstand me sometimes.

All I can do is my best. And that’s all I’ve ever tried to do...

Love y’all. 💜

P.S. If you’d like to chat or seek to be unblocked or whatever, send me a message via a burner or on Instagram DM or somethin’ and we’ll chitty chat and hopefully hug it out. I’m down. Cheers. 🤙

[briarpatch-kids]

hEDS anon from before. I think you are right that what happened was we (reasonably) assumed two different types of symptom progression from that person saying they're "losing their ability to walk."

If your assumption was right you might be saving their life. My assumption made it look like you were taking a symptom I personally experience and saying "People with your illness don't have this, period."

Which happens to hEDS people a lot and has a serious impact on our ability to seek care. I'm sorry for getting into it. I'm jumpy because I've seen illness faker communities, including self-identified healthcare providers, swarm people with hEDS and armchair-diagnose them with Munchausens by internet just for posting a selfie in a wheelchair. Again, that's not what you were doing, it just raised red flags for me because we were getting two different things from that post. I apologize.

I wanted to clarify this point because when I say we're not taken seriously, THAT is what I mean—that healthcare providers themselves will gleefully take part in communities like that, and then go to work and be the deciding factor in whether or not somebody gets a diagnosis or a prescription or a referral or a procedure that they desperately need.

I don't have an issue with people rightfully pointing out that hEDS is not the most debilitating illness in the world, and I do understand now that that's all you were doing.

Is there a term you generally prefer people to use? I'm kind of in the same boat as that other anon. I don't really know how I should for instance quickly get across "my knees and ankles are so unstable that they will randomly drop me and every time I put weight on them that instability gets permanently a little worse, which in addition to pain and comorbid POTS means I'm walking less and less, can't leave my home without a wheelchair, and spend most of my time trapped in bed or on the couch, and I don't have access to knowledgeable providers who could prescribe me appropriate PT or orthoses that I can't afford without insurance, so this is unlikely to resolve or even stop progressing any time soon," other than "I'm losing my ability to walk."

I don't mean that in a smartass way. I do understand there's an important distinction between "This thing is hard/painful/exhausting/inconsistent" and "This thing is impossible" but I'm not sure where that distinction is or how to encapsulate it in words.

Obviously that's not your job either, I just wondered if you did know of any better terminology.

Accusing people of being into that illness fakers shit because they said you might be misdiagnosed is not okay. That's basically telling every other disabled person that I'm not safe to be around, which is not true and frankly extremely angering. I'm ALSO harmed by them as an online disabled person with very visible disability aids and I very much take offense at even being compared to them when I was trying to save your life. Not everyone with concerns about EDS is a large reddit group posting about which disabled person took a shit and what conspiracy theory they have on it. Get over yourself holy shit, I'm not illness fakers.

Also, you tell them the issue you're having. "My joints are unstable and causing problems and pain, I need PT" Sensationalized phrases like "I'm losing the ability to walk" even if you ARE aren't going to get you anywhere.