#today I learnt that it makes drawing a character for me to fall in love with them

[aleki-lives-here]

[556cbnnm]

Mar 8th, 3:41 am.

Lately, I have been going to sleep feeling really upset without knowing why. I figured out start a blog-diary would hopefully help me to identify patterns in my behavior and being able to recall memories that don't wither away from the back of my mind easily.

I tend to forget easily, I'm very envious of people that can identify their triggers and notice their behavioral patterns, for me it's always been a gargantuan task but I've come to terms with the fact I am erratic.

I don't know if I'll keep this up, maybe I'll write up something on nights like these where I can't sleep because my emotions forbid me to. I don't mind if you find it on your own, I am aware this is a public platform so that's why I also will decide what to share or what not.

Yesterday and today, while I try to sleep it feels like my heart is going to burst out open and leave a empty cage in my chest, I frown subconsciously thanks to this awful sensation; I can't tell if I'm upset or anxious, sometimes these emotions meedle together for me and it's hard to tell. What would I be anxious or upset for? It always seems like my problems are of my own making. It's comic how whenever I climb out of a hole, I fall into a trench… tale as old as time.

Sometimes I wish I could be apathetic and not feeling a thing, it could definitely stabilize things on my end but it'll turn me into a boring, driveless person. I won't be moved by my feelings, thus, I won't be able to create the same things I find joy in bringing to life.

It's hard to co-exist with such illness but at the same time be so dependant of it.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, after that I have yoga classes. However, since it's march 8th, I don't think I want to go since there's a march for women’s rights near my yoga instructor’s place and it's gonna be a nightmare to get through the traffic!

One of my class partners told me he jogs to yoga classes every day, he lives 20 blocks away which is a similar distance to mine. However, he's a man in his 30s that isn't carrying anything with him and I am a woman in her late 20s carrying a backpack at 8pm, I feel so vulnerable and really in an unsafe environment to give myself the privilege to walk to my yoga my instructor classes.

Today, I also designed a new character… well a bunch of them, I also ended up making an elhe clone that'll be repurposing for another lore. I also finished a commission.

I couldn't go outside because by the time I was free it was pouring! I wish I had a good camera so I could take cool rainy neighbour pics. I also have a interest in photography now.

I also became interested in audiobooks. I usually listen to them while working, drawing or taking a stroll.

It's 4 am already, it's still raining… the sound is so soothing, I love soothing sounds while I am trying to relax. I learnt people nowadays have playlist or watches show of streams to fall asleep, my personal “beats to sleep to” is my air conditioner sound but rain is also a pleasant one specially in the winter months.

I am starting to feel tired, I hope I can fall asleep. I no longer feel upset, and I hope this ia not something I do only one time ans then forget about it

Good night.

[azucanela]

MOVIE NIGHTS & FADING LIGHTS

PAIRING: TODOROKI SHOUTO X FEM!READER

SUMMARY: Todoroki Shouto evidently has not seen a single one of today’s most iconic movies, luckily, Y/N L/N intends to change that.

GENRE: FLUFF.

WARNINGS: NONE.

NOTE: im actually really proud of this so it’s a birthday gift to myself

BNHA MASTERLIST

MOVIES WERE A LEARNING EXPERIENCE for Shouto Todoroki, watching each one taught him something new. Sometimes it was that there were certain things that simply should not be said, which was a much needed lesson given his blunt nature. Other times it was an odd fact that one character offhandedly mentioned. But the most common observation Shouto had made was that people did illogical things when they felt strong emotions.

Normally, he’d watch a movie once a month maybe. If a friend invited him out to the movies or to watch something at their house, there was a 50/50 chance he agreed to go, so maybe a few times a month. Sometimes the entirety of Class 1A even got together to watch a “classic” as Mina had put it.

It wasn’t really until Y/N that Shouto became an avid movie watcher, though the only reason he did watch movies as frequently as he did was the simple fact that Y/N had decided they would have a weekly movie night. Most nights, she’d pick the movie, mostly because Shouto didn’t really have a preference and the one time he did make a suggestion, it didn’t end well.

He appreciated nights like these, they made him feel... normal. It wasn’t like he’d watched movies much as a kid, most of the time he spent watching TV was spent on the News Channel. So he hadn’t really seen things that were considered staple moments of his classmates’ childhoods. But now he had the opportunity to, and it felt nice.

Y/N just hoped that he didn’t find her annoying after all these nights of dragging him out of the comfort of his room to watch a movie on the TV she’d somehow smuggled into her dorm. She had a feeling he was just coming along to placate her at this point, though he’d seemed to enjoy himself sometimes— his reactions tended to be minimal.

Then again, for Shouto that was normal. But Y/N figured he had better things to do than hang out with her. And yet, he came, every week. The thought brings a smile to her face as she grabs a bowl and a bag of popcorn that had yet to be popped.

There’s a knock at the door, and Y/N is quickly drawn from her thoughts. Coming to a stand, she dusts off her pants before continuing towards the door and opening it to reveal Shouto himself.

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. 

Shouto offers her a small smile, and just like he has every other week, he stands outside her door almost awkwardly. Y/N had found that Shouto wouldn’t enter unless invited inside, when she’d first noticed it— Y/N compared him to a vampire. He hadn’t understood what she was referencing, so naturally, she made him watch an old Vampire movie the following week. 

“Shouto, you know, you don’t have to wait for me to invite you in.” She says, leaving him at the door as she turns around to pick up the popcorn. 

He nods slowly, “right.” Shouto steps inside, eyes drifting around the room like they usually do. As though he hadn’t been in Y/N’s dorm time and time again. “No popcorn?”

A small laugh escapes Y/N as she shows him the yet to be popped, popcorn. “Not yet, I’ll be back.” She says, offering him a smile as she moves to leave.

“Wait,” Shouto says, placing a hand on her shoulder as she stands by the door, “what if I tried to pop it?” There’s a pensive look on his face as he stares at the bag, “do you think my quirk would allow me to do that?”

The complete and utter seriousness on his face pulls another laugh out of Y/N as she looks to him, adoration in her eyes as she hands it over to him, “give it a go.”

He smiles back at her, and reaches into his pocket, “by the way– Mina suggested we watch this movie called The Notebook.” Shouto was unaware as to how Mina had determined he and Y/N watched movies weekly, though he isn’t necessarily surprised seeing as she is the renowned class gossip. 

Y/N on the other hand finds her cheeks warming as she recalls how Mina had interrogated her on how she’d managed to get the prettiest boy in class wrapped around her finger and visiting her frequently. Since they’d started their weekly meet ups, he’d become notably more... present in her life. 

If Y/N was there, Shouto wasn’t far behind. 

Even now, as they stand under the overhang of one of many closed stores, the streetlights the only thing providing any light now that the sun has set, rain pouring down harshly. Shouto is beside Y/N.

He finds himself reminded of something else he’d learnt from the many movies he’d seen in the past few months.

Love makes people do severely illogical things. 

The thought hits him like a ton of bricks, an indescribable feeling washing over him as his eyes fall on Y/N, who stands at his side. Shouto had insisted on staying behind with her despite the oncoming storm. Would that be considered illogical?

Is this love?

He doesn’t know what he feels as he looks at her, but there’s a tightness in his chest, a feeling of freedom— almost a breath of relief to being around her. Shouto wasn’t necessarily sure what it was he was feeling as he watched her extend a hand into the rain.

“It’s raining hard.” She says, brows furrowing as she looks to Shouto, “sorry you got caught up in this with me. You could’ve been home by now.”

Shouto simply shakes his head, “it’s not a problem.” Comes his response, watching as she rubs her arms viciously, attempting to warm herself. Shouto tilts his head at her as he watches, before grabbing her and pulling her to his left side. Y/N seems shocked at the sudden contact but she only looks to him momentarily before realizing why, as he begins to warm the both of them with his quirk. 

“Thank you.” She mumbles out, her arm wrapping around his back as she leans into him, “but we still have to find a way to get through this rain.”

With a shrug, Shouto replies, “we could wait it out?”

A small laugh escapes Y/N as she shakes her head, eyes drifting towards the sky, “I have a feeling it’s going to last a while.” Brows furrowing, Y/N looks back to Shouto with a grin, “we could run for it?”

“What?”

Y/N laughs once more before releasing Shouto and leaving his hold, the sudden loss of warmth causes her to shudder, but she only looks back to him once more before launching herself into the rain. Shouto extends an arm, attempting to grab her and keep her running any further but she’s already heading towards the middle of the plaza. 

He’s left standing these, dumbfounded, arm still extended as he watches Y/N runs through the rain. Shouto can hear her laughs as he watches. Water falls onto his hand, the only thing left unprotected from the overhang. And Shouto finds himself wondering if maybe, he should take a leap of faith. 

“Are you coming?” Y/N calls out to him, drawing him from his thoughts. 

And so, Shouto steps out into the rain, almost instantly his hair is matted against his head by the weight of the water falling on his head as he makes his way towards Y/N, clothes getting drenched in the process. It’s uncomfortable,  but there’s something peaceful about it, something that leaves him shutting his eyes and allowing his head to fall back as rain fell onto him.

When he opens his eyes, they instantly find Y/N, who’s beaming at him as she takes his hand— her clothes are drenched as well, and yet she’s still smiling, and so is he.

Love makes people severely illogical. This was definitely illogical. Neither of them should really be enjoying this, but it was nice in a sense of it’s own.

Y/N grabs his hand, and Shouto allows her to pull him towards the next overhang, a means of shelter before they made another dash for the UA dorms. But before they reach it, Shouto comes to a full stop, causing Y/N to look back to him, puzzled look on her face as she tilts her head at him.

And suddenly, Shouto is yanking her towards him, their chests colliding as Y/N gasps in shock. Her eyes meet Shouto’s water pouring down on the pair of them as his hands come to her cheeks. 

And so he kisses her, pressing his lips to hers, the hands that had been on his chest are no grappling at his shirt in an attempt to tug him closer as the rain falls down onto them— but that’s not something that concerns either of them right now. 

Love makes people illogical, yes, but Shouto was okay with that. 

[agustdakasuga]

A Place Called Home | Chapter 15

Genre: Hybrid!AU, Poly!AU?, Soulmate AU, romance, fluff, humour

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: vet!reader, Arcticfox!Seokjin, Panther!Yoongi, Goldenretriever!Hoseok, Wolf!Namjoon, Calicocat!Jimin, Tiger!Taehyung, Rabbit!Jungkook

Summary: Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

Now that you’re at home, you have been spending every waking moment with the boys. It’s not easy hiding your presents from curious hybrids. You look forward to spending your first Christmas as a family.

“Flip it!” Jin laughed and you held the handle of the frying pan with both hands, your tongue sticking out from the corner of your mouth as you focused. Tossing it, you watched the pancake lift off and land back in on the uncooked side. 

“Yeah!” You and Jin hi fived each other.

“Kitten, just what the hell are you and hyung doing at 9 am that has you cheering like Korea won the World Cup?” Yoongi stood at the doorway with arms crossed and raised eyebrows. You smiled sheepishly, the excitement making you forget about how loud you were being. 

“Making pancakes! I finally flipped one on my own!” You showed him proudly like a child showing her drawing to a parent. 

“Wow, kitten. You’re amazing.” Yoongi gave you an amused smile and wrapped your arms around your waist, leaning down to kiss your cheek. 

“Is everything okay?” Taehyung came down, yawning. 

“Yes, baby. Sorry for waking you up.” You giggled. Taehyung shook his head and came over, stealing you from Yoongi. He yawned against and pressed his cheek against the top of your head. 

“I smell pancakes!” Hoseok dashed down. 

“Good morning Hoseok!” You greeted as Jin poured more batter onto your frying pan. Hoseok waved and came over to observed the stack of chocolate chip pancakes you and Jin made. Yoongi yawned as he stood over the coffee machine to fix a brew for everyone. 

“Shall I cut some fruit?” Hoseok offered. 

“Yes, please.” You nodded and he walked over. Taehyung still clung onto your back like a koala. You were even convinced his fell asleep for a moment. 

“Good morning...” Jimin entered, rubbing his eyes, his hair all messed up. Letting Jin take over, you peeled Taehyung’s grip off of you and walked over to Jimin. 

“Morning, Chim.” You ran your fingers through his slightly tangled hair. He tiredly, wrapped his arms around you, letting out a tired whine. 

“Are you making pancakes?” He asked. You nodded you head and he looked over to see Hoseok cutting fruit. Taking a small paring knife, he wordlessly began to help slice the bananas, strawberries and kiwi. Two hybrids were missing. Seeing that Taehyung was helping Jin, you washed your hands and went upstairs. 

“Joonie?” You knocked and entered. Namjoon was sitting on his bed, having just woke up seconds before you entered.

“You’re awake.” You smiled. Namjoon nodded. 

“You have flour in your hair, my love.” Namjoon cracked a smile as his arms circled around your waist and he pulled you towards him. He pressed his face into your stomach, inhaling your scent. 

“The others didn’t even tell me I had flour in my hair.” You pouted and tried to get it off with your fingers. 

��Don’t worry, you’re still beautiful.” Namjoon teased. You threw your head back in laughter, slapping his shoulder lightly. Since he was awake, you went to wake Jungkook. The bunny was still sounded asleep, bundled up in a thick hoodie and pants. 

“Bunbun, time for breakfast.” You whispered. He stirred a little but didn’t make any other movements. 

Kookie, bunbun.” You called a little louder. A few seconds later, he let out a whine and stretched his arms and legs.

“(y/n)?” He croaked in his morning voice, peeking one eye open. 

“Good morning.” You laughed. Holding his hand, you pulled him into a sitting position. He frowned slightly and looked around, as if unaware of where he currently was. You combed his messy hair back and kissed his forehead. He hugged you, falling back on the bed. You let out a squeak in shock while Jungkook was slowly falling back asleep. 

“Hey! I’m not your pillow. And wake up or your hyungs are going to eat all the pancakes.” You hit his chest. 

“You can make me more if they do.” Jungkook mumbled, eyes still closed. 

“Nu uh. Don’t get your hopes up.” You rolled your eyes. Holding his hand, he let you drag him to his shared bathroom with Hoseok. You put tooth paste on his toothbrush for him, letting him brush his teeth.

“Aigo.” You wet a face towel and wiped his face. He let out another yawn, blinking his eyes with a blank stare. 

"Finally.” Taehyung groaned. 

“Morning, hyungs.” Jungkook grumbled out. The two of you took your respective seats and you all started eating. You sipped your coffee and cut into your pancakes. Taking the bowl of strawberries, you scooped generous portions for Jimin and Jin, who you know love strawberries. 

“Thank you.” Jimin smiled. You patted his head. 

“How’s rehearsal going?” You asked Yoongi. You knew it was different practicing at home compared to the school. The school had a grand piano while you had a regular piano at home. 

“It’s been good. I’m looking forward to it.” Yoongi nodded his head. 

“Can we all go watch hyung perform?” Hoseok asked excitedly, his tail wagging for emphasis. 

“Yes. I’ve ordered 7 tickets.” Yoongi informed. 

“I’m going to have a bath to get the flour out of my hair.” You announced and went upstairs. As you picked out your clothes from the drawer, you heard the door open. Arms wrapped around your waist. 

“Jinnie?” You smiled and turned around to face him. He smiled softly, tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“I love you, snowflake.” He whispered. 

“I love you too.” You replied. He hugged you and you squeezed his waist. You were so grateful for Jin. He was so patient and helpful with caring for the others, especially the younger ones. Turning your head to him, Jin pulled you closer to give you a loving kiss. He left you to let you have your shower. You soaked in your tub with a nice lavender bath bomb. 

Before you could fall asleep, you rinsed yourself off and got up. You wore one of Yoongi’s hoodies and slipped on some fuzzy socks,

“Shall we get more heating lamps?” You asked as you saw Jimin and Taehyung cuddling on the futon, fast asleep under the comforting warmth of the lamps. Yoongi shrugged. 

“Yeah. Jungkook and Hoseok may need to use it as it gets colder.” Yoongi said and you nodded. 

“I’ll order it, kitten.” He took his phone out. 

“Thank you. I love winters as much as the next guy but it makes me feel so lazy and tired.” You yawned, stretching your arms. Yoongi chuckled, still typing on his phone. His tail came to rest on your thigh. 

“Kitty.” You stifled a laugh as your stroked the soft fur, remembering the little girl at the beach, Hyejin. Yoongi stopped and shot you a nasty glare. You returned an innocent smile but snickered to yourself. Yoongi dropped his phone and tackled you onto the couch, tickling your sides. 

“Stop!” You laughed. 

“Not so tough now, huh? Apologise!” 

“Never!!” You squealed, laughing out loud. He scrunched his nose and just continued tickling you. 

“Who’s the kitty?” He asked again, the gummy smile on his face only growing bigger. You were so adorable when you tried to be rebellious and tough around him. 

“You! Min Yoongi!” You giggled. 

“Wrong answer~” 

“Okay! I surrender! White flag!” You shouted out random surrendering words. Yoongi stopped as you panted. He hovered over you and you met his eyes, even with his fringe covering them. You laughed, reaching up to cup his cheek. Slowly, he leaned down to press his lips against yours. When he pulled away, he laid down on top of you.

“Did you lose weight again? You feel lighter.” You asked as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“No...” He mumbled, placing his face on the side of your neck. When you found Yoongi, he was underweight and you learnt that it was hard for him to put on weight despite eating more. So him losing weight concerned you. 

“Relax, kitten. I’m just not putting my full weight on you. I don’t want you to be squished.” He chuckled when he heard your accelerated heart rate. 

“Okay.” You nodded. 

“(y/n)?” The two of you turned to see Taehyung and Jimin awake. You hit Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Look what you did.” You blamed. 

“You were the one shouting.” He pushed it back at you. You glared at him, sticking your tongue out at him. Taehyung wanted to come over to cuddle but Yoongi let out a low, warning growl. Taehyung whined but backed away with respect for the older. 

“Possessive much?” You snorted. 

“Hey, I’m allowed to be possessive over my woman. I mated you for a reason.” He scoffed. Your cheeks turned red at his bluntness.

“Now I wanna have a nap so hush.” He cooed in a teasing matter. You shook your head, he was seriously going to nap on top of you, in the living room where the others can see you. 

With Yoongi’s steady breathing and warm breath against your skin, you were also soon lulled into dreamland.

“Let them sleep.” Namjoon told the younger ones and draped a blanket over you and Yoongi. You and Yoongi just tightened your grip on one another.

--

Before you knew it, Christmas rolled around. The days leading up to today were definitely chaotic. You had to make sure the boys didn’t try to sneak into your room to get a peek at their presents. And as a family activity, all 8 of you bought a big Christmas tree and decorated it together. 

“Merry Christmas!” Your bedroom door opened and your 7 hybrids spilled in. You whined, hiding under the covers. 

“Come on, kitten. You told me I cannot be a grouch on Christmas so you can’t be one too.” Yoongi grabbed your hands in his and gently tugged you into a sitting position. 

“But it’s too early.” You whined. 

The 7 boys all sent you soft smiles, loving how precious you were. Jimin and Taehyung tackled you back into the bed with hugs. 

“Alright, alright.” You chuckled and finally opened your eyes to face them. You took your time to scan all of them, taking it all in. The fact that all of them were here with you. 

“Merry Christmas, boys.” You greeted with a smile. You gave all of them hugs but no kisses since you had yet to brush your teeth. All of them, except Taehyung and Jimin, left the room to let you wash up. You wore your Christmas jumper and brushed your hair. Finally, Taehyung stepped closer to you with a smug smile. 

“What?” You stopped and faced him. He shrugged, eyes going up. You followed and looked up, seeing the mistletoe he held over you.

“Now, where did you learn this?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yoongi hyung said it grants us unlimited kisses for the day.” Jimin spoke from his seat on the bed. Shaking your head, you looked back at Taehyung, who tapped his lips. 

“You’re learning too much from Yoongi.” You rolled your eyes but tip toed to give him a peck anyway.

“My turn!” Jimin grinned. Taehyung did the honours of holding the green over your heads. You pinched Jimin’s cheek lightly and kissed it. When you pulled away, he gave you a kiss on your cheek as well. 

“Yah! Stop hogging her and let her come out!” Jungkook shouted from outside the door. Chuckling, you held their hands and went out with them. You couldn’t say you were surprised when you saw the boys with their own mistletoe leaves in their hands. 

“This is your fault.” You glared at him. 

“One at a time.” You sighed. The boys obediently got into a line and waited for your hugs and kisses. 

After that, you enjoyed a nice breakfast together, with egg nog that you made. You made an alcohol version and alcohol-free version for those that didn’t want to drink so early in the day.

“Hoseok, you’re glowing.” You cupped his warm, red cheeks. He giggled. The rest of the day was spent together, the 8 of you spent some time outside and then watched a movie together. It was a shame that snowfall was late this year.

“Are we going to open presents now?!” Jungkook asked excitedly. You nodded and went upstairs to get all the gifts down. 

“That’s a lot.” Jimin said in awe as you arranged everything. You laughed and patted his head. This was your first Christmas with Namjoon, Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung so you wanted it to be as memorable for them as possible. 

“Let’s see who we have here. Chim.” You took the bag and gave it to him. He opened it and his eyes widened. 

“I know you like your sweaters.” You smiled. 

“They’re so soft.” He gasped as he felt the soft material under his fingertips. After thinking about what Jimin would like for his present, you decided to get him some high end sweaters. 

“They fit perfectly.” He slipped one over his head, snuggling into the warmth of them. You melted at how adorable he was and he hugged you gratefully. 

“Hoseok.” You took the next bag.

“No way!” Hoseok has been eyeing the new limited edition off-white sneakers. They were so difficult to get but thankfully, the store you called had one last pair in the colour and size he wanted.

“How did you get this?!” He was so excited, his tail showed it.

“A magician never reveals her secrets.” You giggled. He squeezed you as the big smile on his face never faltered. 

“Joonie. I really hope I got it right.” You joked as you gave him his. He unwrapped it and saw that it was a limited edition figurine. Namjoon was starting to get into collecting his favourite figurines and you wanted to get him a special one. 

“This is the exact one. I have been looking for it online but it’s been sold out everywhere. ” He looked at the box. 

“Thank God then.” You let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you, my love. I love it.” He gave you a peck, rubbing your cheek with his thumb. 

“Me next!” Jungkook complained. 

“Alright, alright. Here’s your, bun bun. Be careful.” You slid the wrapped box over to him. Jungkook clapped his hands happily and began to shred through the wrapping. It was the latest gaming console. Jungkook really loved his games so you thought it was a fitting present for him. Jungkook shouted happily and jumped into your arms. 

“Oof! I take the reaction as you liking it.” You wrapped your arms around him as you steadied yourself. 

“I do! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” He chanted. 

“We’ll go to the store to pick out more games soon.” You ruffled his hair and he nodded his head, giving you a bunny smile. 

“Jinnie, you’re next. Be careful.” You cautioned as you handed the present to him. From the size of it, Jin already knew what it was. There are only a few things that are shaped like that. 

“I promise I’ll go fishing with you next time and you can try it..” You said as he unwrapped the new fishing pole. 

“You always complain that it’s boring.” Jin snorted.

“I promise I’ll only complain for 5 minutes.” You promised. Jin shook his head with a smile and wrapped an arm around your waist. He puckered his lips and you shyly leaned in to give him a kiss. Seeing your red cheeks made him laugh and squeeze your waist. 

“My baby is next.” You passed the paper bag to him. Taehyung tore the paper open and his eyes widened as he went quiet.

“Is this really for me?” He whispered in disbelief. 

“Of course, silly.” Taehyung felt tears well up in his eyes. He had expressed an interest in photography so you bought him a Leica camera, which has been on his wishlist. 

“I love it.” He wiped his tears. 

“Aww, don’t cry, baby.” You cooed and reached out to wipe his tears for him. He put the camera down and wrapped his arms around you, burying his head into your shoulder. Seeing Taehyung cry almost made you cry as well but you held yourself together. Yoongi still had yet to get his gift and you weren’t going to ruin the moment for him.

“Last but definitely not least. Yoongo Boongo.” You called. Yoongi rolled his eyes at his hated nickname. 

“There’s a reason I blocked this half of the living room.” You had blocked it off with folded screens, telling the boys it was a surprise and they couldn’t go see what it was. Thankfully, they listened to you and didn’t peek. 

“Close your eyes and follow me.” You held your hand out to him. He closed his eyes and let you lead him. The boys helped you remove the folding screens. 

“Wow.” The other 6 gasped when they saw it. 

“What? What?” Yoongi was curious as he stood there with his eyes still closed. Bringing him closer, you placed his hand on the material. 

“What-” He opened his eyes and froze. 

“Surprise.” You said. Yoongi just stared at what was in front of him, thinking that this could be a dream and when he woke up, it wouldn’t be here. He looked up at you and you just gave him a crooked smile. From his long silence and lack of reaction, you grew worried about what he was thinking. Did he not like it? Did you get the wrong present?

“Kitten...” Was all he said. 

“Is this the wrong one? I-I’m not really an expert on these things so I just gave the model number to guy and he got it for me-” He cut off your rambling by pulling you to his chest. 

“It’s perfect, kitten. I don’t even know what to say. Thank you.” He let out a deep breath.

“You’re welcome, Yoongs. Merry Christmas.” You said, muffled against the material of his hoodie. You knew one of Yoongi’s dreams was to have his own grand piano. So you felt that this Christmas the perfect timing to get him a white grand piano. You had the space for it and he deserves it.

“I love you.” Yoongi whispered. 

“I love you too.” You looked up at him. Cupping his cheek, he brought his head down to give you a kiss. 

“Wait, there’s still one more present.” You moved away and went back to the couch area. Digging through the bags, you took the envelopes out. 

“Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook.” You handed them out according to the names you scribbled on top. The three received them and opened them. They read the papers quietly. The other 4 hybrids curiously looked over their shoulders to see what it was. Even they were shocked. 

“If you’d allow, I would like to adopt the 3 of you.” You felt tears well up in your eyes. The 3 hybrids were speechless as all of them started crying. You pulled them into a big hug. 

“All of you are already family so might as well make it official.” Your voice cracked as you wiped your tears, stroking Jimin’s head.

“We are getting adopted.” Hoseok smiled through the tears. Jungkook was crying so hard he couldn’t even speak. He knew you would never let him feel abandoned again. All your hybrids pulled you into a big group hug. 

“I love you all so much.” You told them. As they all continued to embrace you and each other, your eyes moved to the window and you gasped. 

White flurries slowly drifted down from the sky. It was the first snow, falling on Christmas day. 

“It’s the first snow!” You grabbed Yoongi’s hand and pulled him to the backdoor. The others just followed you, wearing their shoes. Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin have never seen snow before. You wore your own boots and dashed out, feeling the snow fall on your skin.

“Kitten! You need a jacket!” Yoongi shouted. You giggled and you jumped around.

“It’s the first snow!” You continued to cheer.

“Got you!” Namjoon held your waist and spun you around. You laughed as you placed your hands on his shoulder. Everyone had run running around and playing in the snow.

“Why is the first snow so special?” Jimin asked. 

“There’s a belief that if you experience the first snow with someone you love, you’ll stay together for a long time.” You held his hand with a soft smile. Jimin smiled at your words, he wanted to stay with you forever, and hugged you as the snow continued to fall. Jungkook removed the snow from your hair.

“May I?” You pointed to his long ears. He nodded, leaning down so you could help him brush off the snow.

“This is really Christmas.” Jin wrapped his arms around you.

~~~

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[sometipsygnostalgic]

Reviewing Adventure Time graphic novel: “Thunder Road”

 by Jeremy Sorese (Steven Universe comic writer) and Zachary Sterling (Adventure Time main comic artist)

Okay, so after purchasing and reading it today, I can safely say the DESCRIPTION of this graphic novel is ENTIRELY INCORRECT: 

Marceline starts feeling restless and comes across a motorcycle gang of storm clouds. Taking this as a chance to try something new, Marceline sets off on the open road with her new friends but things take a turn when she realizes that the storm clouds might be taking things a bit too far when it comes to their pranks. Marceline has to make a choice, to join in and create a natural disaster bigger than Ooo has ever seen or to go back to her boring quiet life--luckily, the answer comes from an unexpected source who just happened to be trailing the clouds...for research, of course.

No, nonono. This doesn’t even remotely resemble what happens. 

Actually, there is still a motorcycle gang, but this isn’t really a book about Marceline - it’s mostly about a drama with Bubblegum, and how she ends up taking her frustration out on Marceline. It’s about some difficulties they have communicating with each other, too. 

The Candy Kingdom is being flooded by non-stop rain. Jake is acting as a giant canopy to try and protect the castle, but it’s not working, and everything is falling apart - candy people are getting seriously injured, and it seems this has been going on for weeks. Everybody is exhausted, and things are looking dire. This was an eerily familiar situation for me, living in the RCT, which got demolished by flooding last February before the Corona crisis, and which is still recovering.  They’re all working together to solve this crisis, and PB is glad to see Marceline caring about other people. Marceline flies up in the sky and discovers a motorcycle gang is making the clouds rain down. 

PB is entirely at her wits end, she yells at the motorcycle gang, gets bullied by them, and decides to challenge them to a race. If she wins, they leave. If they win, then they will drive all over the Candy Kingdom and destroy it. Bubblegum gets incredibly angry at herself for making such a reckless bet, when she’ll have to race in the goddamn sky, and she insists this problem is her fault, so she needs to solve it by herself.

Marceline gets fed up that PB wants to solve it by herself and is pushing her away, so as a ploy of reverse psychology she says, “Fine, I WON’T help”, and flies away to investigate the gang further.

Bubblegum thinks Marcie has fucked off and ditched them. Marceline hasn't actually given up on her - she tries to perform some secret reconnaissance, befriending the gang and sabotaging their bikes. Marceline returns bits of cloud to the kingdom as well, to a still-bitter PB who won’t thank her.  However, things turn for the worse when the biker gang discover the bikes were damaged, and they confront PB about the sabotage, with Marceline's life possibly on the line.

Thankfully, the gang let Marceline go. Bubblegum proper goes off on Marceline for not trusting her to be able to do things by herself, while Marceline says that she should have just accepted help in the first place. They have a falling out. Marceline is upset that PB keeps taking out her anger on her, and lashes out a bit, tells PB this is her fault so she’s on her own. 

Shenanigans ensue. After a tense and highly dangerous bike race, Bubblegum manages to scrape a victory - without Marceline’s help - due to electromagnetic shenanigans with her cloud bike’s fuel tank.

I don’t want to post images of the race, because it has some awesome moments that I want you to see for yourself in the novel. 

However, she realises she had accidentally cheated, and apologises to Marceline for taking everything out on her earlier - she says that it shouldn’t be that way, that she shouldn’t just get mad at Marceline whenever she’s stressed.   

She tells Marcie that she doesn't want to treat her like shit every time she has a bad day.

They have a motorbike race. PB forgets Marceline can fly, and drives off a cliff to save her. Marceline ends up saving PB. Lots of cute moments. 

It turns out, also, that PB has become a bit of a legend in the sky biker community. 

[EDIT: I just realised the jackets say “We Talked It Out”! They’re proud that they were able to have a conversation about their problems! Awwwww]

So, this comic seems to take place during season 6. Most likely between The Cooler and Hot Diggety Doom - when PB is still kind of hyper-aggro and overworked, but is trying to cool down, and when Marceline hasn’t learnt how to communicate properly with her.   At the same time, the stakes are high enough that it does make sense for the characters to behave in this way at ANY time after Sky Witch, provided it’s not after the series finale.    Finn, notably, still has his right arm. He doesn’t pick up a sword. If he did, I might have been able to directly tell where this fit in the show’s continuity.  

Anyway, it’s outstanding. Easily the best of the Adventure Time graphic novels I’ve read. What I loved is how tense the situation really felt, how the emotions the characters were feeling were extensions of what they would feel if this happened in the show. It didn’t feel out of character for PB to be breaking down and acting like a tool, or for Marceline to be secretive and indirect, and then lash out a bit when PB hurts her. It was an awesome character study on their relationship and how it could have its toxic moments.   The situation seemed genuinely dire. The biker gang were genuinely hateable and intimidating. The threat they made to the characters felt real, which is rare for this show. And the emotional moments hit me hard.  It works super well after watching Obsidian, wherein you saw PB in the past take her anger out on Marcie and how that contributed to their breakup. 

It also has Marcie and PB racing around on motorbikes, which is funny because that's what they did in Obsidian.

You can tell that Jeremy Sorese did work on SU comic stuff, because he does a good job at capturing those brief emotions, those epic moments, that SU did so well. This comic is also more dramatic than the usual AT flare. 

The art is okay. It is in graphic novel format, and it’s meant to look a lot like the show. It is nice and colourful. It is clean, and sells emotions perfectly fine. However, Zachary Sterling has historically had issues drawing the arms of the characters - he makes them look far too much like stiff bendy tubes, when they are more free-form and can bend at full right-angles in the show. I feel like he was trying to stay too on-model, and didn’t take his art to its full potential. Some panels are also recycled and slightly edited. 

8/10 - A good read for fans of PB and Marcy, a plot with convincing tension from the first page, with an interesting character study on how PB’s stress can cause her to hurt the people closest to her and she needs to manage that.  However, the description on the back of the book is entirely incorrect for no reason. Well worth the £11 I spent to get a paperback copy sent today. 

You can buy a copy on Amazon for same day delivery. You used to be able to buy a copy on Comixology, but for some reason, it’s been removed. 

[littlemisssquiggles]

After today episode I think some how of penny or another member of team rwby makes it past the hate they will tell oscar that cinder new about jinn and I think he will blame him self or others will blame him for what happened if team rwby especially ruby gets lost in the void ,but the way cinder worked it to makes me wonder did oscar not tell them what happened to him with salem ,how he told hazle ,jinns name how ,neo was on the wale with cinder an salem

Hello again Dreamer. …Hmmm…I’m not sure about “the others blaming Oscar” part since following all that’s happened between our little prince and the group between V6 and V8, I think we are way past anything like that happening again within the hero team fam. However I can see Oscar blaming himself for revealing the password since it was him summoning Jinn for Hazel that prompted Neo to learn the password for the lamp. Not to mention that that was the final question from the lamp so even if Jinn was summoned, she won’t be able to answer any more questions “this era” since they were all used up.

I don’t know about Oscar explaining the truth of his experience on the whale to the others. My assumption is that he did since he did say he would “explain everything” to the others after he and YJR returned with Emerald from Monstra. So this is one of those cases where it’s safe to assume that Oscar told the group everything---minus his true feelings on the Merge--- but off screen. That’s my hunch.

For me, I’d actually like it if we got Oscar witnessing Ruby “die” after falling through the void. Currently my Pinehead headcanon is that Ruby will ensure that Penny makes it to Vacuo. And once Penny is on the other side, she tells the others about what happened to Weiss, Yang and Blake before lastly stating that Ruby was still in there fighting Neo and Cinder all alone which would then lead into Oscar making another attempt at trying to go through the portal.

Of course he fails but then we get a glimpse of Oscar’s semblance as he breeches the magic of the Staff to force himself through the portal and back to the Central point. However Oscar only arrives in time to watch helplessly as Ruby falls into the void and disappears. All the while, Cinder and Neo make their exit through another portal, taking the Staff of Creation that Penny had dropped with them. So ultimately a heartbroken Oscar is forced no choice but to go back through the portal, returning to be the bearer of bad news to announce that RWBY was gone. Practically dead since they had all fallen to the void.

They had all fallen to the void. I’d like to believe that, even without Ambrosius’ input, Oz can still give an explanation as to what happened to RWBY since my hunch is that it was through Ambrosius’ power how the King of Vale was able to first create the Vaults that house the Relics. So maybe once upon a time, Ambrosius gave Oz the same kind of warning so perhaps he might know a thing about what happened to RWBY.

Either that or…Ambrosius remains with the heroes and explains it himself but my money is on Cinder claiming the Staff for the villains. For me, I’d like for Oscar to be present when Ruby falls since I’d like for V8 to end on setting up what would be his story for next season. However, as always, these are just my speculations based on things I’d like to see done for the finale.

I doubt the showrunners would ACTUALLY deliver on having Oscar witness Ruby falling. I feel like we’re more likely to see Penny watch Ruby fall and fail to help her before being the one to tell the others how she didn’t make it. 

That being said, I still can’t help but shake the feeling that the whole reason why Oscar was the one who first mentioned the fairytale of the Girl Who Fell Through the World was because it will have something to do with his role for next season.

 I feel like that fairytale was either a teaser for Oscar’s semblance and/or his own part to play in helping RWBY return to Remnant from the Other World.

As a character, Oscar Pine draws inspiration from Dorothy Gale and Princess Ozma from the Wizard of Oz series and lastly the little prince from the Little Prince. Both Dorothy and the little prince were two fairytale characters who visited other worlds in their respective stories after going on a journey.

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy got transported to the Land of Oz and her story was about her returning home to her family in Kansas. Whereas the little prince came from a planet where he lived with his rose and following a journey where he learnt the value in his devotion to his rose, it is alleged that the prince ultimately “returned home to his rose” whether it be in death or by some other means as left up for interpretation by the reader.

Either way, if RWBY did fall into Another World beyond Remnant, I really would love to think that Oscar will play a part in helping our four main girls return to their world in Remnant. Of all the characters I can see doing this, it’s him given the setup. But…again, this is just me speculating.

What I think would actually be great is if V9 is about Ruby having her own individual journey in the Other World, searching for Weiss, Blake and Yang. All the while, Oscar is her link between Remnant and the mysterious Other World and thus, Oscar becomes Ruby’s guide and companion as Ruby attempts to find the rest of her team on one end while Oscar in turn searches with the rest of the hero team and their allies for a way to bring RWBY back home on the other end. And this is all happening while the villains are on their way to acquire the last Relic after succeeding in claiming the first three.

Personally, I would LOVE to think that Oscar will be a very important character to the PLOT of V9. Buuuuuuuut…as always, this is just me speaking from the perspective of a Pinehead who is still eagerly anticipating the true ending to Oscar’s overall arc.

Shoot, I’m still waiting to see where Oscar’s story will be left off for V8 and personally, I hope it’s left on a note for Oscar to receive development for himself AS HIMSELF and NOT because of anything to do with the stuff he shares with Ozpin or Ozma. For the past few seasons since his debut, Oscar’s story has mostly revolved around all things connecting him to Oz and the Ozma lineage.

Since Ruby has more of an intimate connection to Oscar than Oz giving their budding friendship and trust in one another over the past couple of seasons since his introduction, it would be great if her “death”/disappearance from Remnant becomes a driving force of motivation for his own individual arc next season. Just saying.

For the umpteenth time in the story, the little prince will be seperated from his rose with no way of knowing whether or not he will see her again. 

So it’d be mighty swell if the actual payoff of the Rosegarden bond is Oscar saving Ruby--- playing an important part in bringing her and her team back from “death” and escaping the Other World; returning them all to Remnant. 

I mean....it would actually make perfect sense given the set up. 

But  AGAIN---this is this squiggly Rosegardening Pinehead tossing ideas to the wind [and hoping one of them sticks to the faces of one of the CRWBY showrunners] like I always do. Either way, that’s my thoughts on that.

~ LittleMissSquiggles (2021)

[chemicalpink]

Power and Control ♡ Jung Hoseok

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x reader

Genre: smut, angsty

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Sugar baby themes, power dynamics outside the bedroom, unprotected sex 

Summary: Women and men we are the same but love will always be a game and I’m gonna make you fall.

A/N: Well this was a stubborn one. Like seriously took me a whole month to try and write Hoseok as a villan-y character and at the end... i kinda failed BUT I really liked this one. Thanks for waiting. I hope you are doing great with life aside from all that is going one. Take care. I hope you like this one! 

Hoseok wouldn’t dare to try and label what you and he had as conventional, hell, he wouldn’t even dare to try and label himself as conventional, quite the contrary, because really, what’s a broke college-graduate-to-be got to do when a beautiful, empowered woman like yourself is seeking out a sugar baby deal? Say no? He would have to be stupid, plus, it’s not like you two are 10 or so years apart, you’re just 2 years older than him; plus, the deal was simple enough, apart from a disclosure contract and a few sessions of experimenting what you two liked with each other, it had been easy enough to fall into a routine.

Said routine meaning two to three sessions a week, some weekends together and playing as arm candy in most of your business parties, to which he would then find his semester’s tuition fee paid off, the latest limited-edition Supreme collection on his college dorm and one time, an all-included vacation to Europe for Christmas.

As time went on, nearly a year into it, it had become harder and harder to keep coming up with excuses as to how exactly he was being able to afford such a luxurious way of living without it being apparent that he had worked for it, especially when his closed group of friends were clearly struggling with it all (he might have asked you once to pay for Namjoon’s tuition fee after he got injured and couldn’t work for the month, the guy so in the clouds hadn’t even noticed the debt gone), and you know, Jung Hoseok isn’t a man with fragile masculinity, he knows exactly who he is, so even if for him being a sugar baby was really no big deal, the constant assumption of sugar babies having daddy/mommy issues sure was in the back of his mind every time he so much as the thought of sharing his lifestyle with his friends crossed his mind (cause he did not have daddy/mommy issues, thank you very much).

“Hobi, this just got here for you, I thought we had talked about your shopping addiction?”  Namjoon said as he passed him by on his way out the kitchen, coffee mug in hand, small package on the other, placing it on the kitchen counter before turning to look at him. Hoseok so much as fake laughed his worst laugh trying (and most probably failing) to not make his roommate any more suspicious. 

See, the greatest excuse for the time being all those months ago, when you had started gifting him stuff and sending it to his dorm, was saying that he ‘might have developed an addiction to online shopping’. He had talked it out with you, and you agreed to start delivering the gifts on your sessions. Hoseok hummed while taking the package from the counter “I just- I had this coupon and I had to use it” Namjoon wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore, he could clearly not have said a thing.

“Hey, hyungs would you mind if I-OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THAT BOX FROM THE NEWEST CHANEL COLLECTION???” Taehyung was… quite a melodramatic man when it came down to his expertise: fashion; which was one of the reasons Hoseok could kind of breathe around his own home. Namjoon didn’t know shit about fashion. But Taehyung would a hundred percent not fall into his ‘I got a coupon’ facade for a split second. His throat ached to instinctevely deny the younger’s claim but he knew it would do no good. Hoseok had once committed the deadly mistake of wearing one of the perfumes you had gifted him for his birthday to one of their nights out and that man right there, Kim Taehyung, had known from a sniff that he was wearing a thousand dollars Paco Rabanne Luxe Edition 1 million 18 carats. How exactly? He wouldn’t dare to ask. Taehyung knew his fashion. But the night didn’t seem to come to an end soon enough with his friend’s questioning. “Hoseok-hyung, how did you get access to one of the most exclusive collection previews of the world? I mean, I’m all for Gucci, but go off I guess”

So they are talking about it. May the gods have mercy on his unable to lie for his life soul.

“It was a gift from uh- my distant rich- auntie?” both Taehyung and Namjoon turned to look at him in the most sceptical way possible, but soon went back to their conversation.

He was going to have the talk with you later, for the second time. As if on cue, his phone dinged with a text from you, very out of character, if he may add, you two kept it on the line of the contract that bound the two of you, no texting, no calls, no nothing. He was busy with school most of the time and you were probably busier with your business stuff anyways.

From: Y/N [12:38]

You got my gift?

To: Y/N [12:38]

Yeah. Now apparently I have a rich distant auntie that is sending me expensive af gifts.

To: Y/N [12:39]

But then again, who am I to complain, right?

From: Y/N [12:43]

Great. Wear it tonight. 10 pm sharp. Long day.

Over the course of the months with you, he had learnt quite a few things about himself, first, he had an expensive taste, he just couldn’t afford it. Second, you knew his love language was being gifted things, and lord, did you take advantage of that to keep him wrapped around your finger. Third, he always felt as if you had come to know him inside and out so clearly, you had come to read him like an open book but he couldn’t say the same. You were a reserved woman, he knew that. With your position and all, it made sense. But he was just as cold to people he wasn’t close with, so he had to have some upper hand at it. Even after spending days on researching you he always came empty-handed. Sure, you two fucked, kissed, hanged out, but there was just this sense of chemistry lacking as if you two melted together when naked but once the fog cleared, it became a constant battle to gain control over the other. You had gifts to win him over. He had his charm and amazing bedroom skills to keep you grounded. You made it work. Kind of.

He arrived at your place a few minutes before 10, making himself a drink at the sky bar in the middle of your living room as he stared outside the floor-length window to watch Seoul’s night sky and lighted ground of the busy city, your heels clicking on the floor when you entered the space.

“Oh you got here early?” he turned around to watch you dispose of your jewellery in the entrance table, stealing glances at him every few seconds “I didn’t think you would actually listen to me and wear it, do you like it?

Hoseok lifted the glass to his lips to sip the alcohol. The poorly lit room brought a new light to you that deep down he had known for a while but he wasn’t willing to accept, the tiredness behind your eyes luring him in, making him imagine for a second that the setting was much more domestic than what it really was “Got off classes early and yeah, it does the job, thanks”

You made your way to the bar to fix yourself a drink, all the while he couldn’t stop staring at you, the imposing aura you always exuded sending shivers down his spine, his mind racing. He could already picture you bent over the couch for him as you took a seat and waved him over.

He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much time went by when your lips found his, your dress riding up your thighs when you moved to straddle him, hands finding your ass, tongues fired up with evident desire as you ground down on his hard length “You texted me first today” you broke away from the kiss to look at him funnily, for the first time in the almost a year knowing you, he could see the slightest of vulnerability in your eyes, fondness, for him. So after all, you were wrapped around his finger “Are you falling in love with me, miss Y/N?” 

Your answer was very much in character, sucking his jawline while your hands worked their way down his pants to free his cock, stroking him a few time to bring it to a full length, his head throwing back into the couch in pleasure as you retorted teasingly “Think you’re going to break my heart, Hobi?” 

He knew then that your favourite game had begun. A constant game of tug and pull to lead the sex that had become a routine for both of you.

He had somehow worked his way under your dress at the same time as he pushed his pants to his ankles and removed them, giving your clothed core just the right amount of friction you were seeking and providing him with the perfect moment to flip you both over on the small space, a smirk taking over his factions “You might be good looking baby, but you’re not a piece of art”

“God I need you so much right now” you whispered at him, before tracing the expanse of his back under his newly bought sweater, distracting him enough for you to take his place on top, aching core approaching his face as his smile didn’t seem to get any bigger “Dinner’s served”

“My favourite,” he said before beginning to suck on the inside of your thighs, working his way to where you needed him the most, hot tongue wetting your already drenching panties for a few seconds before he pushed the cloth aside and gripped you even closer to his face, teeth nibbling at your folds teasingly, drawing a loud moan out of you, walls instinctively clenching as his tongue traced you whole, lewd noises filling up the room, subtly grinding up to him as he traced circles on your clit before eating you out once again, up until your thighs started trembling against his head, yours thrown back in ecstasy at the pleasure. His face glistening with your juices once you let him take control over the situation.

Hoseok’s deft fingers rid you of both of your remaining pieces of clothings as you tried to catch your breath, fully aware of what was about to go on after you had your fun with him. Your exposed skin hits the coldness of the floor as Hoseok rolled both of you down the couch, making you shiver as a smile is plastered in the younger’s face; you close your eyes for a split second, not needing to know that for the time being, Hoseok was pumping his hard cock to ready himself for you, small fluttering kisses adorning the space just below your neck as he approaches your ear silently “I was thinking… a Tesla would be a great combo with my brand new Chanel collection, you know?”

A small laugh leaves your lips before you open your eyes to see him hovering above you, eyes  travelling your face, a few strands of hair covering his “You are not sweet talking me into buying you a Tesla, Hoseok”

“I was thinking more of fucking it out of you” it is then that he enters you in a swift thrust, letting you adjust for a few seconds before moving experimentally at the new angle for both of you that was your living room floor, his hand coming up to place your right leg over his shoulder, gaining him better access to have you whimpering below him, just the way he liked. Long, skilled fingers caress your clit as he keeps a steady rhythm inside of you, feeling the warmth enveloping him and your walls clench around him as he speeds up his pace on your nerve bundle.

“Oh g-Hoseok I’m gonna cum” your voice is strained and he feels it as the opportunity to wreck you harder, the movement of his hips hitting all the right spots within you, he can feel your leg cramping on his shoulder as a wave of pleasure hits you and he has half a mind to pull out and release himself on your stomach, both of you breathing heavily as the need starts to fade and it all comes to an end. 

You see, if you asked any of Hoseok’s close friends, they would describe him as pure sunshine, and he was, kinda, at least for the most part of his life, but he was also a man determined to get what he wanted in life, which was why, he was currently pondering his next move. After your little session at your living room floor/couch, he had felt a shift in the air, a longing between the two of you, and that only went on for the next few weeks as you would drop your cold facade and text him small things, as he kept on receiving packages at his dorm (without Tae or Joon knowing, thank fuck) and he had found himself thinking about you non-stop. It was pretty obvious, and if someone had known about your existence, they might have pointed it out, cause it was so obvious even for himself, that the tug and pull game of yours, had made you both fall for the other somehow. Which really, wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for that shitty paragraph on your contract that seems to keep replaying itself inside his mind. If you started becoming too familiar with each other, you would revoke the contract. He had agreed and signed it, thinking that it is just too weird for someone to grow acostumed to another if they just fuck and leave afterwards, but apparently somewhere he went wrong. And he clearly needed the money. You had yet to come to realise your newly found dynamics so he was living on borrowed time. And he had to act quickly.

Hoseok wasn’t really a strategic man, but luck always seemed to be on his side, so it took a mere week to come up with something. He had been visiting the hospital where his sister worked (per his mother’s request) just hanging out, which probably wasn’t even allowed to, but Jiwoo had insisted to wait for her lunch break as it was a slow day anyway. So he did.

“You’ve never told me how you paid off your tuition without dad’s help, Hobi” his sister commented as she went through some papers on her desk. His mind crashed. Error 404. Flee the country. It is one thing lying to his friends about his way of living, a completely different story when family starts asking.

“Oh I’m a- personal assistant of some CEO” he answered, turning to look the other way towards the entrance, almost nonchalantly, but life liked to have fun with him, so of course just as he is trying his best to keep you out of his mind, you had to be walking right through the door, not as outstanding as he is used to see you, but the aura you exude that is so uniquely yours is unable to miss out. You two didn’t talk on personal life, but he had researched you over the months, trying (and failing) to gain some type of useless power over you. It seemed like whatever wasn’t business, wasn’t you. So he had to play dumb.

“Who 's that?” he asked his sister, just as you were rounding the corner, Jiwoo turning to look at your disappearing figure

“Oh, that’s Y/N”

“Y/N like Y/N Y/L/N? the CEO?” the idea of maybe getting into acting and winning an Oscar crossed his mind, his sister hummed in thought

“I guess, Y/N is quite an unusual name right?” she resumed whatever she was doing before adding “But this girl couldn’t be her, she comes to visit her sister religiously every Friday”

“Is she sick?” so your cold uncaring demeanor was really just a front you put up for people.

“You’re starting to sound like a pervert, Hoseok”

He really wishes he could say he dropped the whole sick sister thing after that day, but the longer he thought about that, the cleared it was for him that if he was looking for an upper hand for you not to drop him out of the whole money deal once you realised you had both infringed the contract that brought you two together, this was it. He had immense self-confidence, if he said so himself. But there was something about going against you that wasn’t exactly easy to warm up to. He tried several times to come up with a plan but came empty-handed so he guessed he would just have to go with the flow. 

“You’re so wet already” he grunted as you felt his member teasing your entrance, his hand gripping your hair to bring you to face the mirror beside your bed. Hoseok had decided to drop by after he knew you were done with work, taking you by surprise at the unscheduled session, but then again, who were you to complain about the man, who in less than five minutes and some lazy kissing on your bed had both of you riled up and on all fours at his complete mercy “We’ve got some things to talk about, Y/N” 

You tried to turn your face to look at him directly instead of the mirror but he just tightened his grip as he thrusted forward forcefully, making you grip your sheets tighter attempting not to tumble over, a pleasurable sting on your scalp “I’m listening”

“Friday. Lunchtime, what exactly were you doing at the hospital?” he asked and could already feel your though exterior crumble, he just had to hope that whatever big secret it was having a sick little sister was enough for him to keep the upper hand in the situation.

Just as fast as that surprised look had appeared on your face, it was replaced with determination in your eyes as you pressed yourself back onto him, purposely clenching around him in the way you knew drove him crazy “Maybe I’ll talk. If you fuck me hard enough”

So he did.

“So what do you want in exchange for keeping my Friday’s whereabouts a secret?” you asked as his clothes were thrown at him

This was it. “I want my full tuition paid off before you call it quits on us”

You turned to look at him, laughing a little “Hoseok, a human vulnerability doesn’t mean that I am weak” you made your way to the bathroom “You’ll have to work harder for it”

Each day that went by was filled with dread of having his whole lifestyle crumbling down in a second, it had been so long since he had even so much as heard about you. Until he wouldn’t stop hearing about you (kind of) He remembers waking up to a 5am text from you telling him that he couldn’t have peace without a war, but if he was being completely honest, he was kind of asleep at the time so he couldn’t comprehend half of it. But it all became clearer when his phone started blowing up with texts, from Taehyung and Namjoon, to his sister and his parents. Apparently, you had a very expensive shopping spree in his name, delivered especially with lots of love to every person that could, and most certainly would question how exactly he had the kind of money to afford the luxurious gifts that they were all receiving. 

From:Y/N [9:02]

You start at 10. 

To: Y/N [9:02]

Y/N What’s going on?

From: Y/N [9:05]

Welcome to the team, board member Jung Hoseok.

So perhaps you would always have the upper hand when it came to power and control of whatever it was you two were playing. You had no doubt and no obstacle to ruin his whole life. But he guesses that his upper hand is shown in the fact that he could keep you from doing just that.

[jwillowwolf]

Magic and Miracles - Chapter 3

Sanders Sides Big Bang fic, Chapter 3! < Previous Chapter | Next Chapter > | Masterlist Summary: “Remy? Remy? Remington? Oi, Remy, wake up!” Virgil said, shaking the snoring man.

“Huh? Where’s the dragon?”

“Here,” Janus answered.

“Eh? Oh, hey Snake-Eye, Wolfie, Lo, Violent.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You weren’t responding to the gentle shaking.”

“That’s no reason to make a man think there’s an earthquake.” Warning/s: food mention. Characters: Logan, Remy, OC, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Patton, Janus. Tag List:@theimprobabledreamersworld @remy-please-come-back

Read on AO3

3 | Lessons Begin

Waking up, walking to the dining hall, and eating breakfast had been uneventful. Logan felt like the atmosphere was relatively peaceful despite the tension from last night. Then again, everyone was still rather groggy from sleep, so he wasn’t going to make any assumptions yet.

Once the seven students had reached the classroom though, they seemed much more awake, aware, and eager to learn about the mysteries behind magic. They all sat at the desks they had claimed the day before and waited silently as Remy came into the room. Remy looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you all in trouble already? I’ve never known kids to be quiet without adults shouting for them to be so… never mind, let’s get this lesson started. The first spell that all young magic users should know is Stat Check. Do you know what that is?”

The class shook their heads no.

“Good! Because it’s meant to be a closely guarded secret. Never written down or spoken of among anyone but wizards and their first-year apprentices. Before I can even teach it to you, you need to solemnly swear to me that you shall guard this secret as fiercely as all mages before you.”

“That seems rather dramatic,” Janus commented.

“This is magic we’re talking about! Of course, it’s dramatic,” Remy said with a grin. “Now, swear that you’ll keep this secret locked inside your soul.”

The class did as Remy asked, with a bit of speculation but agreement all the same. Unfortunately, I can not repeat the spell, but I can tell you that it is activated by holding a finger to your wrist and saying the ‘activation’ word which I shall from here on censor as ‘stats’.

Remy demonstrated the spell and once he said stats a sheet of light projected from his wrist. Written on the sheet of light was:

Remington Animosni

Titles: Lord Animosni, Friend of the Crown, Expert Wizard, +...

MP: 52 - Full

HP: 100 - Full

Skills: Magic, Potion Making, Charisma, +...

“So this is your main status board,” Remy explained. “It shows your name, titles, MP aka magic points, HP aka health points, and skills. You can interact with it by tapping on whatever to expand the information on it.”

Remy demonstrated this by tapping on the title Expert Wizard, which caused the screen to change to this:

Expert Wizard.

Title earned by increasing MP above 45. Perks: increased HP. Drawbacks: none.

“This is how you can better understand your own magical capacity and skill set. If you want to view your stats privately, then just say S stats. If you want to see someone else’s stats then say X stats while pointing your wrist at the person you want to check. You will only be able to see their name, HP, and MP, but that’s still good to know if you’re perhaps fighting them.”

“Why would magic-users fight one another?” Patton asked.

Remy sighed. “The world is a complicated place, Pat. But never mind that. Try checking your stats, everyone.”

The students nodded then tried out the spells for themselves. All opting to view their stats privately. Logan opened his and read it critically.

Logan Picani

Titles: Loyal Friend, Loving Son, Apprentice Wizard.

MP: 10 - full

HP: 40 - full

Skills: Magic, Baking, Student, +...

He raised an eyebrow curiously and tapped on the skill Student.

Student.

Level: 23/100

Rare Skill. Perks: faster reading and comprehension, easily picks up new skills. Drawbacks: none.

That seems like a good skill to have. Logan wondered if it was the reason for his ability to teach himself so well. He tapped the word again and the screen changed back to the main status board. Then he tapped onto the title Apprentice Wizard.

Apprentice Wizard.

Title Earned by unlocking the skill Magic. Perks: MP access. Drawbacks: HP conversion.

“Um, Mr Ainmosni?”

“It’s Remy, kid. What’s up?”

“What does the drawback HP conversion mean?”

“Ah, well, if you run out of MP during casting a spell, then your HP will automatically be turned into MP. This is a drawback because it can mean draining your HP to below five, which causes you to fall unconscious and die if it reaches zero.” Remy explained.

“Isn’t there a way to stop that from happening?” Willow asked.

Remy shook his head. “It’s an automatic drawback that comes with becoming an apprentice wizard. There’s no way to stop it apart from being conscious of what spells you’re using and how much MP they take. Calculating this will hopefully help you to keep from draining yourselves, so keep that in mind when you’re trying out new spells, kay?”

Everyone nodded.

“Okay, now that you’re more familiar with your stats, let’s do a quick assessment of your magical knowledge, shall we? What are the basic magical categories… Virgil?”

“Rock, animals, water, plants, fire, air, healing, and mind.”

“Correct. Logan, why do these categories exist?”

“They are the eight-core magics. All spells fall under at least one category, and depending on which there will be a different Initiation Word.”

“Correct. Willow, what are the eight Initiation Words?”

“Mowntayn for rock, Pawyng for animal, Ignyght for fire, Groh for plants, um... Rayne for water, Stahwynd for air, Embraes for healing, and... Wysdome for mind.”

“Right. Janus, how is a spell cast?”

“You say the initiation word, draw whatever runes are necessary, then end off with the sealing word.”

“Good. Patton, why do we use runes?”

“The runes represent what specific spell you want to cast.”

“Yep. Remus, how many runes are there?”

“A million?”

“Close enough. Roman, what is the sealing word?”

“Solhart.”

“Correct! Now,” Remy grinned. “Let’s get to the tough stuff.”

The following days were pretty much the same as this one. The class either revised what basics they knew or Remy explained what they didn’t know. They practised pronunciation, studied runes, and learnt about different potion ingredients. Within the first month, the kids had pretty much memorised the basics of magic.

Logan had visited home every weekend and told his dad and Everleigh about it all, but his eagerness from that first week seemed to be slowly wearing out as the class did nothing new. He had thought that today was going to be the same, but instead of leading the students to the classroom this morning, Remy led them to the gardens.

“Uh, Remy? Where are we going?” Roman asked.

“Today, you kids will be going on your first quest,” Remy announced.

The group perked up. “Quest?”

“Yep. I’m confident in your understanding of basic magic, so I am going to let you go off on your own to find some potion ingredients for our first potion making class.”

Remy pulled out seven different pieces of paper. “I’ve made each of you a checklist for what we will need, and while you all have different items, I hope you’ll work together to find what you need. Oh, and before I send you off, I need to teach you a new spell. Inventory.”

Remy stopped and the kids circled around him to watch as he demonstrated the new spell. He picked up a stone and held it in front of him. “Stawynd.” with the indigo light that flowed from his fingertip, he drew a rune that looked like a locked box onto the stone. “Solhart.”

The rune turned white and then vanished with the stone, causing the students to gasp.

“Where did it go?”

“Right here.”

Remy opened his status board and showed the kids a small icon in the corner of the screen that looked like the rune he had drawn. He tapped on this icon and the screen changed to show a bunch of different slots, mostly empty apart from two. One with a picture of Remy’s flask and the other a picture of the stone from before.

“This is an inventory,” Remy explained. “You can put different items into each slot, and depending on your proficiency you will have more or fewer slots. To add items to your inventory, you do as I did to the stone. And to take them back out, you just double-tap,” Remy tapped the stone and it reappeared in his hand. “Tada! Okay, you try with your lists.”

Everyone tried out the new spell and practised it a few times before Remy let them all go on their quest. They went out a gate by the fence that seemed almost hidden and set off into the deep dark woods. Of course, it wasn’t very dark since the sun was shining brightly in the sky, and filtered through the trees to light their way.

“Should we check what each of our individual lists says?” Logan asked.

Patton nodded agreeingly. “Yeah, then we can keep an eye out for the different things.”

“Actually, I think we should just look for our own stuff. More things to look out for means we might miss our own.” Roman said.

Willow frowned. “But this is meant to be a group project.”

“Technically, Remy said he hoped we’d work together.” Remus pointed out.

“I have an idea,” Janus suggested. “Let’s work in teams.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “I just said that would be hard.”

“I mean smaller teams. One team works individually and the other works together, then we’ll see which way is better.”

“How are we going to split up though? There are seven of us.” Virgil pointed out.

“We can have a team of four for the working-together group. That’s four people working together but also the team of three will have fewer things to find, so It works out fairly.”

“Well, how are we choosing teams then?” Patton asked.

“Well, obviously I would be one of the team leaders. I’m a natural-born leader.” Roman declared.

“Yes, the leader of the losing team, because I’ll be leading the winning team.” Janus states.

“Remus and Patton are with me, and we’ll be the individuals.”

“Sounds good. We’ll see you three later then.” Janus said before walking away from the group.

Virgil, Logan, and Willow followed after them till the four were out of earshot. “So, lists?”

“I have blackroot, ginfleck, and wild ginger,” Willow reported.

Virgil frowned. “What’s ginfleck?”

“A medicinal herb used commonly in potions for stomach aches,” Logan replied. “It looks like a sunflower but pink.”

“Why not call it a pink sunflower then?”

“Because… I honestly don’t know.”

“Logan, you live nearby here right?” Janus asked.

“In town, but yes.”

“Any idea where we could find some of this?”

“Well, I think I remember seeing a ginfleck patch somewhere along the road.”

“Let’s go there first then. We can keep an eye out for everything else along the way.” Virgil said, turning in the direction of the road.

And so they went and collected the pink sunflowers and everything else on their lists. It was only late afternoon by the time they returned to the house, but they found Remy lying on a hammock in the garden, napping in the sun.

“Remy? Remy? Remington? Oi, Remy, wake up!” Virgil said, shaking the snoring man.

“Huh? Where’s the dragon?”

“Here,” Janus answered.

“Eh? Oh, hey Snake-Eye, Wolfie, Lo, Violent.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You weren’t responding to the gentle shaking.”

“That’s no reason to make a man think there’s an earthquake.”

“Whatever. Have the others come back yet?”

Remy shrugged. “I think the twins are in the house.”

“Patton wasn’t with them?” Willow asked.

“No. Did you all split up?”

“Yes, but we didn’t think they would split up. We divided ourselves into two teams.” Janus stated.

“Well, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about and Pat will be back soon. Why don’t you guys head inside and get some lunch.” Remy suggested.

The kids exchanged anxious glances but nodded and headed off to the dining room. While they were not exactly a close group of friends, the one person who’d befriended each of them was Patton. He was a kind little ball of sunshine and no one wanted any harm to come to him. Once they were inside the house, the four found Remus worriedly pacing by the door and Roman gloomily watching her from the corner.

Remus paused. “Did you guys see Patton?”

“No. Did the three of you split up?”

“I thought we could cover more ground that way,” Roman answered. “This is all my fault.”

“Let’s not go jumping to conclusions just yet,” Logan said. “Maybe he couldn’t find one of his items?”

“No. I saw Pat’s list before we split up. They were three common types of wild berries that he could have found easily.” Remus declared.

“You’re sure?” Willow asked.

“I saw them all over while I was getting my stuff.”

“He must be lost. It’s rather easy with how thick these woods are,” Virgil said.

“We need to find him,” Janus declared. “We’ve got to go back and look for him.”

“Where and how though? He could be anywhere,” Roman said with clear fear in his tone.

“Willow can track him. They’ve been trained in finding lost people.”

“Yeah, but I’d need a scent to go off of.”

“Like from clothes?” Remus asked.

“Clothes, or a personal item he keeps close.”

Remus ran away then returned in record time with a teal blanket. “Would this work?”

Willow took the item and smelt it. “Yes, this is perfect.”

“We might have to sneak past Remy, in case he tries to stop us.” Janus said.

“There’s another gate that’s closer to the house that we can get through.” Virgil declared.

“Who’s we though? We’re going to need to choose who is a part of this rescue.” Roman pointed out.

“I don’t think any of us are willing to stay behind, not if we could help. Patton may be in danger, and his getting lost is evidence enough that no one should venture off on their own. We need to work as a team here. A real team.” Logan stated.

Janus looked at the twins. “I’m willing to call a truce in the name of teamwork if you are.”

Roman nodded in agreement and Remus grinned. “Let’s go save Pat!”

The group followed Virgil outside and through the second hidden gate. From there, Willow took the lead as she sniffed out Patton’s scent. The group grew anxious the further Willow led them. Patton had gone quite far, from the looks of it, but it felt like something was wrong.

“Why would he have gone so far?” Logan wondered.

“I hate to suggest it, but something may have chased him,” Janus said and Willow nodded agreeingly.

“Wouldn’t that leave a scent of its own?”

“Yes, but I can’t discern anything. There are a lot of smells out here.”

“Can you smell anything?” Roman asked Janus.

“No. I can’t smell at all.”

“What?”

“I’m a dragon. We don’t have a sense of smell like humans do. We use a special organ on the roof of our mouths.”

“Aren’t you half-human?”

“That just makes it easier to shift between my humanoid and dragon form. There aren’t many other differences.”

“Wait, do you hear that?”

The team paused and listened. The only sounds Logan could make out were the normal ambience of the forest. But then he heard it.

“Hello? Is anyone up there?”

“Patton?!” Remus bolted towards the voice, the others followed him close behind.

He came to stop at the edge of a hole and looked down. “Patton? How did you get down there?”

“Remus! Hi! I jumped.”

“You jumped? From this height?” Janus asked, eyeing the drop disapprovingly.

The hole looked like the beginnings of a well, around three stories deep and some stones piled like a wall around the one side. Either the well-maker had abandoned their project halfway, or half of the well had mysteriously been taken away. That wasn’t important though, because right now the team had to figure out how to get Patton back up.

“I’m fine! The water was here to break my fall!”

“Why did you jump in the first place?” Roman demanded.

“I was being chased by some bees.” Patton sheepishly admitted. “My mom always told me, if that happens then you should get below water, quickly. Bees don’t like water.”

“How did you antagonise these bees?” Logan inquired.

“I was trying to get some honey for Remus.”

“Aw, Pat, that’s really sweet. But I’ve been worried sick about where you went!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. You’re safe now. Um, how do we get him back up though?” Remus asked the group.

“I can grow a long strong vine to use as rope for us to hoist him up,” Roman suggested.

Janus nodded. “Well then, get to growing. We don’t have all day.”

Roman quickly did as he was told and once the vine-rope looked long enough the team tossed one end down to Patton. Each of them lined up and held onto the other end then pulled to get him out of the hole. With all six of them working together, it was a quick and easy task. Once Patton was clear of the well, Remus attacked him with a hug, and he thanked everyone for coming to rescue him.

The entire group was relieved to have him back. So relieved that they didn’t feel any worry, until they returned to the manor and came face to face with Remy.

“Do you have any idea how worried I was? You didn’t even suggest you were going out! And what do I find? Not only one of my students is missing- all of them are! Gone without a trace! Like, poof, never there! What were you thinking? Actually, scratch that were you even thinking?!”

He went on like that until dinner time and the kids decided that among all the lessons they’d learned today, ‘Don’t Freak Remy Out’, is now at the top. Also, maybe it would be better to stick together than separate. They made a good team when their prejudices weren’t getting in the way. But above all, they should never freak Remy out.

---

A/N: thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this. I'll be posting two chapters a day until the full fic is up, so if you want to be tagged, you can just ask.

I'd love to hear what you thought about the chapter if you wouldn't mind commenting. Thanks again for reading! Here's hoping you have a magical day 💜

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 10

Chapters: 10/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

"When was the last time we saw Gerry?" Jon asks in a panic. Martin looks up from the other side of the dinner table. The pair of them are at their typical Thursday night date, in Jon’s favourite Italian restaurant.

They had previously been studying their menus, but Martin had felt Jon’s tension from the moment they met outside the library. It wasn't exactly surprising, considering the recent developments in their relationship, but he was still acutely aware of it.

“You saw him yesterday morning before work, and I saw him today when he came into the bookstore to drink tea and read an entire book without buying it.” Martin reminds him. He’s already told Jon about seeing Gerry today, and he was there when they had all said goodbye the previous morning.

Martin is fairly sure that Jon’s issue is more with the fact that Gerry was pale and tear-soaked as Martin had kissed him goodbye, and that Gerry had clung to Jon like an oversized barnacle as they rocked together for a final moment before they both left him alone to his thoughts. Martin knew he had slept and painted, or at least, that was what Gerry had told him in the quiet moments Martin had taken to spend with him in between the aisles of books that morning.

“You should go over and see him if you’re concerned. We could go to the bar after we eat, and then you can go stay the night with him.” Martin tells him gently, nudging his foot under the table.

"Maybe it would be better for Gerry if you go alone," Jon replies quietly, staring at his menu and refusing to make any kind of eye contact.

Martin closes and sets aside his own menu, leaning forward on the table to focus his full attention on the idiot love of his life.

"Why? Because he and I sleep together and you think that makes our intimacy more important? Or because you perceive it's your fault that his heart is broken and because of that you think you don't deserve to feel any comfort you might get from seeing him?" Jon goes shock still at Martin's words, eyes simply downcast now, instead of pretending to read the menu they both have memorized. "Or was it both at the same time?"

"Yellow," Jon says unhappily.

Only Jonothan Sims could safeword out of a conversation. Martin thinks tartly. I bet he learnt that from Gerry.

Martin sighs and leans back, out of Jon's atmosphere. "I won't push a conversation you don't want to have, love, but you have to know that neither of those things is true."

"No?" Jon snaps, finally jerking his head up to look at Martin. "Not even you can deny that I demanded that confession. I don't know what I expected him to say-" Jon cuts off, words choked off. "But not… Not that. Not those awful, horrifying things. All that trauma dragged out and put on display like some kind of, of-" Jon stutters to a halt, pressing his eyes tightly closed as if to escape the thought that anyone had ever laid hands on their bright, beautiful boy.

"Like some kind of bloody museum exhibit? You couldn't have guessed. And you have a right to closure as much as anyone." Martin says emphatically. He reaches out to clasp their hands together, and Jon thankfully allows the contact. "No one could ever look at Gerry and guess that those skeletons live in his closet. That he hides those scars behind his sweet smiles and paint-stained hands."

"I was there, Martin. I was with him the night before he ran away. He already knew, had already decided to go, and I didn't notice." Jon bites out the final words, bringing his hand down on the table in frustration. It's the ultimate recrimination in his own mind.

"You can't know what you've never been told Jon, you aren't omniscient. You can't know what Gerry and I are thinking and feeling unless we tell you. Just like Gerry and I can't know what you're feeling when you avoid telling us things." Martin sighs, the exhaustion of several days of tears and worry dragging down on him. "We can pick up on it sometimes though, and we aren't scared teenagers anymore. Gerry will know you're avoiding him if you send me to check on him tonight and it will hurt him. If you're committed to him, and I know you are, then you owe him your bravery now. We all have to overcome our insecurities if we want to make this work."

Jon and Martin sit looking at each other for a few heavy seconds.

"I don't feel brave," Jon whispers across the space between them.

"I know, my love. Neither do I. But we are." Martin lifts Jon's hand to press a kiss to Jon's palm, just as Gerry had on their initial date in the bar. "We can be brave together, the three of us."

*

Gerry is not at work. They share a look of sinking fear when they don't find him working his shift at the bar.

He is at home when they let themselves into his loft, much to their relief. His posture and the general disarray fills Jon, especially, with fresh anxiety.

He leans against his art table, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the most jarring painting Jon and Martin have ever seen him create. If the angry swirls of color and violent-looking paint slashes even constitute a painting.

Gerry is wearing the same going-out clothes he had been wearing when Martin had seen him earlier, rather than his typical comfortable home clothes. He is covered in paint, and his makeup is smeared across his eyes from repeated rubbing.

Martin nudges Jon in Gerry's direction and moves off towards the kitchen.

"I do not want tea, Martin." Gerry's quiet voice manages to fill the space, hollow and empty, much like his facial expression.

"Good," He responds, hardly missing a beat. "I was going to look for the whiskey."

"Stop looking like a kicked puppy Jon, you didn't do anything wrong," Gerry says to him, offering his cigarette. Jon eyes the doorway that Martin just disappeared through, but ultimately goes over and takes it. They lean together, shoulder to shoulder, smoking and each trying to draw warmth from the other.

"Do you know what I thought about for years after you left?" Jon eventually whispers softly.

"What?"

"That last night we were together. Do you remember?"

Gerry laughs breathlessly at the question, pressing his eyes shut and curling slightly in on himself. "Yes Jon, I remember. How could I ever forget."

"That was the last time I had sex." Gerry finally looks over at him, no shock, no visible reaction at all really, but his attention focuses on him. Jon focuses his own attention on the painting, which is easier to look at than Gerry's face right now, despite its discordant energy. "I could never let go of that feeling I had after; like we were one soul separated by our ridiculous bodies. Like our intimacy, however desperate and hormonal, brought us closer together than anything else we could ever do together in this life."

Jon releases the confession into the room around them, finally releasing himself from the weight of it.

"And then I was gone," Gerry whispers back, voice small.

"And then you were gone. I was never very interested in sex as it was, and then even when I was in relationships after that, I never wanted to risk lying in someone's arms and finding a hole where that feeling should have been. Or maybe even worse, finding it there again, as if what we had wasn't as special as I had thought, and that was why you had just been able to walk away so easily."

"It wasn't. It was the worst thing I ever did."

"I know that now," Jon says, taking a long, grounding drag of his cigarette, "But that was the fear that sat in my chest and kept that wound bleeding, right up until the day that I watched you walk out of my library stacks, like some kind of literary saviour, reborn from my desire and ink and old parchment paper."

Gerry pushes off from the table they are perching on. "I understand if you don't want this anymore. I wouldn't want to be with me, either, if I were you."

"Gerry-" Jon tries to cut him off, but he plows on ahead, apparently deciding to just get the words out from where they've been suffocating him.

"You can keep Martin, obviously, you knew him first. You two were happy together before I plowed into your lives like a fucking freight train."

Martin himself, listening in the other room, doesn't particularly appreciate Gerry attempting to hand him off like a negotiating chip, but keeps his opinions to himself for the time being, in the hopes that Jon will handle the situation.

Jon watches Gerry for a moment as he starts moving things around, shoulders tense and movements aggressive. He rolls his next words very carefully around his mouth before he allows himself to speak.

"You did plow into our lives like a freight train." Gerry releases a sound of distress at the repeated words, and Jon slowly walks up to him and takes his shaking hands, turning Gerry towards him and hoping to finally encourage eye contact between them. "But we don't think that's a bad thing. We love you, Gerry Delano. I love you. I loved you when you were Gerard Keay, and I love you now and I loved you in a tiny box in my heart for all the years we were apart. I would be an idiot if I let this hurt between us keep us apart for any longer than it already has, and the last thing I could ever want is to watch you walk out of my life again."

Tears slip down Gerry's messy cheeks and Jon reaches up to brush them gently away.

"Please," Jon begs him, voice hoarse. "Please stay with me, please keep us here in your loft and teach me to paint my nails and be brave. Let Martin braid your hair and keep going into his store to read his books without buying them."

For a moment they simply stand, tears pouring from Gerry's tightly shut eyes while Jon clings to him and tries desperately to occupy the same space in the universe as Gerry does.

Gerry's eyes open slowly, teal irises only enhanced by the brightness of his tears.

"Yes," he tells Jon.

"Yes? You'll stay with us?"

"Yes. Always." Gerry pulls Jon further into his embrace and they cling together, crying quietly.

"Thank God," Martin mutters in the next room, running his hands up his face and through his hair in relief. Shaking it out and releasing the tension that had wound itself up in his gut, he gets up and starts moving about with purpose.

"Is Martin cooking?" Gerry asks incredulously as the scent of frying bacon reaches them through their tearful haze.

"Oh," Jon says, glancing up at the kitchen doorway. "I guess so. We never ate any dinner."

"Why not?" Gerry asks, sniffling.

Jon sighs, full of gratitude and long-suffering. "Because Martin wouldn't stop emotionally stripping me naked in public."

Gerry laughs wetly, imagination running wild.

"Also," he says, full of exhausted affection. "Because we love you."

"Oh." Gerry curls around Jon even more. "I'm glad."

*

Martin feeds them, and sends Gerry to shower, and puts on a movie for Jon to start. He doesn't touch any of the art things, but he tidies a little as he hovers around, waiting for him to emerge from the bathroom.

When he does, Gerry looks much, much better. The smudged makeup and paint are washed away, and his hair is wet. It all combines to make Gerry look very young, and Martin is reminded that he is actually the youngest of them, despite always seeming so settled into his life.

Martin takes his hand and tugs him towards the lounge section of the big main space.

"Martin, I-" Gerry starts.

"Not now, love. You and I will sort things out later when you've slept and had time to process everything else." Martin's tone doesn't invite any argument, and Gerry's teeth snap together as he closes his mouth.

The movie plays, but Gerry sleeps through it and so does Jon, mostly.

As the credits roll, Martin giggles to find himself somewhat drowning in sleeping men, despite the quiet heaviness still hanging in the air. Jon wakes at the motion, since Martin is almost directly beneath him, and yawns and stretches.

"How are we going to get our lumberjack to bed?" Jon asks, eyeing Gerry's long form with some trepidation.

"I could carry him, probably," Martin says, with no real confidence.

"Please don't," Gerry mutters into the side of Martin's neck, where his face is buried.

"Ah, problem solved," Jon says, leaning over Martin to kiss Gerry.

Martin hopes they wake each enough to walk to bed, lacking the desire to carry anyone anywhere at this time of night. Especially up the stairs to Gerry's loft, where the bed lives.

They make it up to the bedroom eventually, and collapse together, sleeping soundly through the night.

*

Gerry doesn't always like lying in the middle when all three of them are in bed together, being the warmest and the longest of the three of them, but the next morning that's where he finds himself.

The window lets in the cool, gentle light of pre-dawn, and Gerry shifts around, trying to orientate himself.

Jon is lying right on his edge, on his stomach, absolutely dead to the world, a halo of wavy black and silver hair surrounding him chaotically.

Martin is lying on his back, one arm threaded through Gerry's, the other thrown over his head. He breathes deeply, but shifts periodically, as if unsettled. Gerry turns towards Martin, bare chest pressing against his shoulder and feels dread settle into his stomach as he watches his partner sleep fitfully.

Gerry knows he won't be going back to sleep, but doesn't even consider getting up and moving away from the men in his bed.

Martin stirs at his movement, moving his arm to curl around his waist and draw him in close. Gerry buries his face in Martin's shoulder, arm thrown across his waist.

"What’s the time, Ger?" He mutters.

"Early still. Almost six." He whispers in return, peering over Martin to check the bedside clock.

He groans. "You alright?"

Gerry hums back, pressing a kiss to Martin's chest since it's so conveniently close by.

They lie together for a while, cuddled up close, sharing body heat and gentle comfort, until eventually, Martin surfaces properly, mostly to use the bathroom.

He comes back with a glass of water, which Gerry shares with him before they settle back as they were before.

Martin runs his fingers through Gerry's hair and Gerry traces patterns along Martin's chest through his shirt.

"I'm sorry," Gerry whispers into the cool semi-darkness.

"For having a breakdown?" Martin's tone is carefully even, although he continues to hold Gerry close.

"No, not that."

"You mean the part where you assured Jon he could keep me as if I were an unwanted child in a divorce. A feeling I'm plenty familiar with, actually." The carefully natural tone continues, and Gerry presses his fingers into Martin's side, hurt sliding through him at his own stupidity. His heart breaks to imagine how the careless words had made Martin feel.

"That's not what I meant." His voice is small and he hates the useless words, but he can't push any others out.

"Don't worry about it. I'll admit, I do normally prefer to be involved in the plans for my own future, but I'll let it slide this time." Martin smiles just a little, an edge of bitterness creeping in. “On the grounds of emotional distress.”

"Martin…" Gerry presses the word into his skin, curling even closer.

"I'll ask you this though. Did you really think I would just walk away with Jon after what's been between us?" Martin's voice finally, finally breaks just a little. Through the entire Mary confession, Jon's emotional struggle, their confrontations, and the oceans of tears, Martin had been completely steady, calm, logical, never falling into the erratic emotions of his partners, but this is what finally gets to him.

"I-I don't know what I thought. I guess I just couldn't fathom at that moment that you and Jon could ever want me again." Gerry slides his hand up, curling it around Martin's face and drawing it down to face him. "I'm broken, Martin, and I don't want my brokenness to break you."

Martin signs softly, turning over towards him, so they press together. Their foreheads touch and he kisses him gently, just once.

“You are not broken. What happened to you is fucked up, and anyone can understand you being messy and volatile sometimes, especially with how balanced you normally are. Maybe next time, ask us how we feel. Instead of, you know, staying up for two days, trashing your flat, and coming to my job to say goodbye to me without actually telling me anything.”

“Noticed that, did you?” Gerry asks, flushing.

“Yes, love. The complete lack of flirting, winking, and ass grabbing rather gave it away. You also paid for your drink. Very out of character.”

Gerry laughs and presses closer into him. “I have to keep you in business. Got to pay for something.”

Martin squeezes him reassuringly, rubbing their noses together.

They are quiet for a moment, and Martin frowns in consideration, before going on. “You and Jon aren't the only catalysts here. I would have fought for you if Jon wanted to pack it in and walk away. I chose you just as much as I chose Jon. Just as much as you chose me. Please remember that the next time you're tempted to treat me like a pawn in this arrangement, because I am not.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Gerry tells him, sincerity heavy in his voice.

“Then we'll say no more about it.”

[citrusityy]

Pride & Prejudice - Chapter 6 Darcy Dancing? (No.)

Catherine reads through an annotated chapter of Pride & Prejudice and shares her thoughts with the interweb every week until it’s done. Or until she gets sick of Jane Austen. Whichever comes first. This week : Chapter 6.

“There is nothing like dancing after all. - I consider it as one of the first refinements of polished societies.”

Last week, we unpacked what I hope to be the final aftermath chapter of the party. Today, the chapter opens with Bingley’s sisters returning the Bennets’ visit and beginning to form some thoughts on them.

The manners of a Ms Bennet (no idea which one) prove pleasant enough, but the sisters find Mrs Bennet intolerable and her youngest children unworthy of their attention. Jane and Elizabeth are the exceptions to this, and react to it differently. For Jane, the positive attention due to her blossoming love with Mr Bingley is welcome, but for Elizabeth, she feels his sisters are just being condescending to everyone, which is interesting considering they’re all in the upper class. Shows you can never have it all, I suppose.

Though Jane and Mr Bingley’s love has grown only in little glances and dances at parties in the last few weeks, Charlotte urges her to make her love for him obvious (good move) otherwise she “may lose the opportunity of fixing him” (hmm…) as men need a woman’s help to properly fall in love, though Eliza does counter this with the assertion that they “must be a simpleton indeed” if they can’t discover any of their own feelings without the help of a good woman.

Eliza goes on to criticise Charlotte’s theories on love for being centred purely on the pursuit of marriage, especially the pursuit of marriage to a rich man. It’s here that I question who exactly is Austen’s mouthpiece in the story. Lizzy? Jane? Certainly not Charlotte in any case. I must say I found admirable too see her deconstruct the core themes of the book - love, the pursuit of marriage and whether romance has any role in it for the upper classes. Not to mention pride and prejudice, of course.

It’s clear that these women have little else to be doing in their positions in society, as there is an in-depth analysis over the quality and quantity of time their sister Jane has spent with Bingley, and what she may have learnt from it. Including : his appetite, their mutual opinions on Vingt-un over Commerce (which I’m inferring is a kind of drink, possibly wine?) and whether she would be happier married to him on that day or after “a twelvemonth” of courting. It’s apparently “a matter of chance” and completely unrelated to the compatibility of their respective personalities and willingness to push and pull over mutual issues.

Spending all her time pouring over her sister’s love life, Lizzy fails to notice Mr Darcy’s blossoming tolerance of her; from “scarcely allowed” to be pretty, to being caught by the “easy playfulness” of her manners, showing a progression from observing the superficial to her personal qualities. As far as Lizzy is unaware (and I feel now is the perfect moment to remind you that Lizzy, or ‘Eliza’, is Elizabeth Bennet - second-oldest at around twenty years of the Bennet sisters - just in case you had lost track.), Darcy is in every way the man who rudely refused to dance with her, which is honestly still quite an accurate assessment of him. But familiarity with Lizzy is breeding intrigue for him, rather than contempt, in the back of his mind, (probably) stricken with severe social anxiety as it is. 

Will Austen follow up on this soon? Well, there’s another 60-something chapters to fill, so I wouldn’t hold my breath over her rushing what appears to be the central plot thread if I were you.

We move to a fleeting anecdote of a subsequent party, utterly wrecking my party:aftermath chapter ratio, where Darcy follows up on his matured interest in Lizzy by... standing around and listening in to her conversations with others. To the surprise of everyone (read : NO-ONE), being exposed to so much of his “satirical eye” simply makes Lizzy feel uncomfortable and like she has to be “impertinent” with him or fear him. Take notes ladies, gentlemen and all other dignified people, this man has such a good way with the ladies.

To defend her poor friend from Mr Darcy’s presumed barbs, one of the Ms Lucases (I’m assuming the 27-year-old, but I could be wrong) nudges her to displays her modest singing talent for the amusement of the party as she plays some undetermined instrument. Probably a flute. She is then swiftly overshadowed by her emphatically mediocre sister Mary, who is more than happy to “purchase” their praise. Transactional lexis here makes me draw conclusions of the nature of these balls. Very ‘something for something’ it seems.

And then everyone danced.

Except for Mr Darcy, I think. When asked by Sir William to join them as a compliment to the place (their manners have reached the point of flattering inanimate objects through the medium of mirthful movement). In any case, he does not desire to do this for any building if he can help it, so at least he’s non-discriminatory in his social withdrawal.

Unperturbed by this, William tries to turn the conversation toward the subject of his total insecurity with his social status via the medium of home ownership, to no avail. In order to keep things moving, Austen plonks Lizzy next to Darcy at the sidelines of the party and the good Sir tries to get what he presumes to be kindred spirits together. Lizzy is not interested, but Darcy demonstrates some character development by offering her a dance “with grave propriety” like the eligible bachelor he is. She refuses. For a couple of paragraphs.

When she walks back out of the chapter, Darcy confesses his blossoming interest in the girl who quite clearly dislikes him to Bingley’s unmarried sister. Not sure if she’s the best person to be confiding in, but maybe my opinion of her is just tainted by my alignment with good old Lizzy.

Nonetheless, the chapter ends (as does my backlog of chapters I’ve actually read through - ulp) with her barraging our favourite introvert with questions. You'd think she’d be used to him and his ways by now.

Thoughts

Need to get ahead on these, not finish them at midnight

Darcy goes from aloof to smitten

Still sardonic

I want to see a bit of the world outside of the ballroom, but I think I’m reading the wrong book for it

So much happened in this chapter, barely kept up

If you liked what you read : tell me, tell a friend, tell Fred down the road. Maybe grab a copy from World of Books or something. Quite a few to choose from. If you didn’t like it, let me know that too. I’m not in this for validation or anything, and want to hone my utterly rudderless critical direction. Come back next week for Chapter 7, where we take a step into the unknown together. Probably another party.

[crystaljins]

Take a chance. | 05

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 6.5K

Synopsis:   You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: @trumpettay asked that they be tagged when this fic is released! First time receiving a request like that, but I’m happy to!

And I suppose.... I should give you guys some warning.... the fluff gets a little bit... thin from this point on...

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Seri has been working here for a few months now. It isn’t a long amount of time by any means. Yet even as new as she is this event-planning firm, she knows that when Kim Seokjin walks in with bounce in his step, whistling a cheerful tune, that her day is going to be very, very long. He’s not a nasty man by any means- no, he’s well-meaning, kind, patient, amiable. So it’s not like he’s trying to make things difficult for her. He just manages to, somehow.

His expression lights up when he sees that she is huddled in the kitchenette, hugging a cup of coffee to her chest like it is her first-born child. Don’t come over to me, don’t come over to me, don’t come over to me, is what Seri chants repeatedly to herself but alas, Jin has never before heeded her silent pleas for peace and quiet. He strides over to her with the confidence and cheerfulness of a man who has been handed the entire world on a silver platter.

“Good morning, dear Seri!” He cries. He never wears a business jacket into work on warm days- he prefers to sling it artfully over his shoulders like he’s a model. Seri knows it’s only so that he can roll up the sleeves of his button up to expose his forearms because he likes catching women staring. He shoves his right hand into his pant pocket and leans against the counter Seri is standing by. Seri offers a weak smile and avoids his gaze- perhaps if she doesn’t acknowledge his presence, he’ll leave her be.

He does not.

“Isn’t today such a fine, warm morning? Did you notice the birds chirping just outside our office building? Why, even the homeless man on the train this morning didn’t smell as much like feet as he normally does.” Jin recounts cheerfully. If he were an anime character, his eyes would be sparkling and there would be a soft pink background and hearts floating behind him.

“I suppose it’s an ok morning.” She says. It’s not. Her toilet was clogged, her sister’s baby couldn’t sleep the entire night and was howling because of a cold and she has a ladder in her stockings. But she also doesn’t want to ruin his good mood- it feels kind of like kicking a puppy if she does. Jin stares at Seri expectantly, but she merely sips at her coffee. She hopes eventually the work he has to get done and the meeting with clients she knows he has in 20 minutes will draw him away. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy talking to Jin. It’s just that he’s always so full of energy and on mornings like these she just wants quiet.

“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m in such a good mood?” He prods.

“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.” She mutters under her breath. He doesn’t seem to hear.

“Because haven’t you noticed how close our boss and resident space cadet have gotten over the past few weeks? All thanks to me.” He cries. He glances from side to side before leaning in close enough that Seri can feel his breath puffing against her cheek. “And yesterday they came into work together. And late.”

“They own this place. They can come in at any hour they please.” Seri points out placidly. “It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

Jin nods his agreement, folding his arms across his chest.

“Hm… You’re right.” Jin admits. “They’ve been making some great progress, but nothing solid so far.”

He goes silent, and Seri takes that as her chance to try and edge way from him. But suddenly he pushes off the counter, straightening and clapping one fist into an open palm.

“I have an idea!” He cries, with enough volume that she flinches and nearly spills her coffee all over herself. Wouldn’t that just be the cherry on top if she did? “Last night I was watching this drama- great drama, by the way, 100% would recommend. I’ll text you the name later. Anyway, in it, the female lead ends up being tricked into thinking the male lead likes her and because of that she starts to notice all his charms and whatnot, and in the end she falls for him. That’s what we need to do for Jungkook! And it wouldn’t even be lying, considering that (Y/N) really does have feelings for him! It’d just be… not telling the whole truth.”

“I really think that this isn’t-” Seri protests hastily, hoping she can stop Jin before he tries yet another one of his stupid plans that puts her boss at risk.

“Oh, Seri, Seri, Seri. What Jungkook needs to realise his feelings is just a little nudge. We’ve laid some nice groundwork with our plans so far-” Jin explains.

“I’ve had no part in these plans, Jin, they’ve all been you-”

“But now he needs something harsher. Something more definite. We need to drop a bomb, if he’s going to take that last step to returning (Y/N)’s feelings and curing her Hanahaki.” He says aloud, and Seri has a feeling he wouldn’t even notice if she stepped out of the room this instant. He really has a one-track kind of mind. “You’re brilliant, Seri. Finally, the last step to Operation “Cure-(Y/N)”!”

Seri rolls her eyes as Jin cheers and prances out of the kitchenette, oblivious to the world around him. Playing with peoples’ feelings, especially when the stakes are so high, is a terrible idea. And Jin means well, he really does, but she can’t shake the feeling that the best way to deal with this is to convince you to get the treatment you apparently need. She can only hope that both you and Jungkook manage to survive this latest plan unscathed.

++

Jungkook has kind of been hoping for a chance to speak alone with Jin, ever since the weird clubbing experience. He hasn’t really had the time or emotional space to process the things Jin said that night, what with stuff for the wedding starting to pile up and his days steadily becoming busier the closer the dreaded date gets. But Jin’s words have been buzzing in the back of Jungkook’s mind like storm clouds on the horizon. Why had Jin warned Jungkook that things won’t last like this forever? At the time, when Jin warned him, the thought of you not being a constant had been a bit sad but it hadn’t been something Jungkook felt he should worry about. But after that day in your apartment, after crying in your arms, Jungkook is suddenly scared by Jin’s warning- what will he do, if you aren’t there? As corny and ridiculous and selfish as it is… Jungkook needs you. And he needs you for more than just your help- he needs that feeling you give him- that warm, safe, comfortable feeling. He needs you, and your gentle smile and the sound of your humming as you work and the passion in your eyes when you plan a wedding. But, even knowing all of that, he can’t think why Jin said the things that he did. Why can’t things stay like this? Why can’t he continue to rely on you and trust you like he’s learnt he can? Why would you finding someone else come in between that? The more that he thinks about it, the more questions he has and so when Jin offers to treat him to lunch, Jungkook jumps at the chance.

“I’m feeling something soup-y.” Jin announces, as he leads Jungkook through the crowded street. In the lunch hour, the streets are often packed around their office building, but there’s enough places to go to that it’s always easy to eat out. Jungkook nods.

“I’m happy with whatever.” Jungkook informs him, adjusting his tie. In the sweltering heat, the business attire you insist on can be quite uncomfortable. Jin doesn’t look bothered- he has his suit jacked draped neatly over his forearm and his shirt sleeves rolled up. He’s probably used to formal business attire, though- being from a rich family probably meant he’d had to spend a lot of time wearing it.

Jin grins and leads Jungkook down a small alleyway between buildings. Jungkook recognises it- there’s a small, family owned restaurant at the end of the alleyway. It’s usually a quiet place, even during the lunch rush hour, which makes him feel like maybe Jin has something to say to him as well. It isn’t until after Jin has ordered, charming both the waitress and the owner of the restaurant, and the menus have been taken away, that he speaks up about what’s on his mind.

“Have you thought about what I said that night at all?” He asks Jungkook. He folds his hands neatly on the table and stares expectantly at him. Jungkook nearly chokes on his drink because in the time it had taken Jin to order far more food than was necessary, Jungkook had let his guard down.

“I have.” Jungkook coughs. “I actually wanted to talk about what you meant that night. Were you saying I’m holding her back from finding the right guy? Are you worried I’m taking her for granted? Because I promise, I really do appreciate her-”

To Jungkook’s immense surprise, Jin merely starts laughing.

“Oh, my poor, sweet, naïve Jungkook!” He exclaims fondly. “I would never think so lowly of you! Of course, you appreciate our boss, I’m sure- that’s not what I was saying.”

“Then what were you saying?” Jungkook answers, feeling a little patronised, and a little frustrated. What could have Jin meant, then? Why does he have to be afraid that things are going to change with you?

“Well, at the time, I wanted you to realise that the way things are now could change very quickly and suddenly, and I didn’t want you to realise something important after you’d lost your chance.” Jin explains. He tilts his head and peers at Jungkook like he’s having a lot of fun at Jungkook’s expense. “But now… Now I want you to work out something else. Forget what I said about not getting too comfortable. There’s something else.”

“Then say it!” Jungkook complains. “Please just come out and say it- why do I have to be worried about things changing? Why can’t things stay like they are now? Why are you being so cryptic?”

Jin ponders this.

“Well, it’s more fun if I’m cryptic. At least for me.” He admits. “But I suppose you’ve always been a bit obtuse so maybe I should come out and say it. I’ll put you out of your misery, then. You don’t have to worry about getting too comfortable but there’s a reason you might want to rethink the nature of your relationship with her.”

He pauses for dramatic effect.

“(Y/N) likes you.” He announces. He says it gleefully, like Jungkook should be excited or happy at the announcement. “Like… romantically.”

There is a sudden roaring in Jungkook’s ears following Jin’s announcement. His heart plummets into his stomach. He doesn’t understand the sudden panic that seizes his gut. Adrenaline floods his veins as if Jin were threatening his life.

“N-no she doesn’t.” He protests weakly. Because you don’t. No, because you can’t. If you like him… if you like him… then…

“She told me.” Jin admits with a shrug. He pauses to smile at the waitress as she sets his food down before him. When she leaves, he takes a large mouthful. “The other day,” He continues to explain, though the words are hard to decipher when Jin’s mouth is still full. “I asked her why she was putting in so much effort to Taehyung and Minah’s wedding and she said it was because she didn’t want to let you down.” He swallows and flashes Jungkook a thumbs up, unaware of the way Jungkook feels like his world is suddenly crashing down around him. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this, but she said it’s because she has feelings for you, and that’s why she’s trying so hard.”

The sound of a chair screeching against the floor echoes loudly in the quiet restaurant. It takes Jungkook a few moments to understand that it’s because he’s gotten abruptly to his feet. He stares, bewildered, wondering why he’s breathing like he’s just ran a marathon. It’s hard to describe what he’s feeling, short of panic. Yes, the two of you have been close of late. Yes, he feels like he can trust you perhaps even above Taehyung and Minah right now. And yes, you’re so, so important to him. He came here in the first place because you’re important enough to him that he’s scared of losing you.

But the thought of you having romantic feelings for him… it scares him in a bone deep sort of way. Because he’s still dying of Hanahaki for Minah, which must mean that your feelings aren’t returned. And the thought of you feeling even a fraction of how he feels about the Minah-Taehyung situation makes him feel sick to his stomach. And that’s not even beginning to consider what happens if those feelings progress- what if you end up with Hanahaki? He really wouldn’t be able to handle it if something horrible like that happened. The fluttery, joyful high he’s been experiencing ever since that day in your apartment vanishes- he’s left feeling like he’s suddenly plummeting towards the earth and deathly speeds. He’d ruin you, if you liked him. Your smile, your laugh, your kindness… they would be gone, and it’d be his fault. He feels a wave of self-loathing so powerful he feels it may knock him out.

“Tell me you’re lying.” Jungkook begs. “Please. Say it’s a practical joke.”

The mirth slides off Jin’s face at Jungkook’s reaction. Instead concern knots his brows and tugs his lips downwards in a frown.

“Jungkook, are you ok? You look a little pale.” Jin says, about to get to his feet.

“Say it’s not true.” Even Jungkook is surprised by the volume of his voice. Jin’s jaw drops and the silence that follows Jungkook’s shout is jarring.

“I know, I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together. But it’s just because we’re friends. She cares about me as a co-worker. As a co-worker.” Jungkook explains, his voice hoarse and choked. “But she can’t like me, she can’t.”

“Ok, ok. Jungkook, calm down.” Jin says urgently, getting to his feet and planting his hands on both of Jungkook’s shoulders. Jungkook can’t seem to slow his rapid, panicked breathing. “Hey. Look at me.” Jin’s voice has gone gentle and soothing, as he urges Jungkook to meet his gaze. “I was joking. I’m sorry- I didn’t mean it. I thought it would be funny. She doesn’t like you. I’m sorry, Jungkook.” Jin says placatingly.

But Jungkook has been working with Jin for three whole years now. Even though Jungkook has always preferred to distance himself from his coworkers, it’s hard not to get to know someone as friendly and open as Jin, after three years. And Jin has always been easy to read and easy to understand. Which means Jungkook can see it, plain as day. Jin is lying through his teeth, right now, which can only mean one thing.

You do have feelings for him.

Jungkook stares at Jin with wide, panicked eyes for one moment longer, before fleeing from the restaurant like his life depends on it.

And as Jungkook leaves, it occurs to Jin that maybe… maybe he went too far this time.

++

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Jungkook is avoiding you. After all, the two of you run a business together, and have been fairly close as of late, so it’s easy to notice the suddenly chilly way he treats you. Even messages about important things, like the scheduling software you use malfunctioning, or picking a location for Minah’s hen’s party are met with simple, one-word answers. What’s difficult to work out is why. What could you possibly have done wrong?

After that day in your apartment, the morning after the wedding dress fiasco, things had been great. He’d been weirdly emotional then, but he’d been normal at work that day, and the next- better than normal. He’d been sweet and friendly and eager to spend time with you. If you had to identify a specific starting point for things going weird, it had been after he’d abruptly taken the rest of the day off after lunch with Seokjin that day. It was rare for Jungkook to agree to any kind of social outing involving his co-workers so you had been surprised when Seri informed you that the two had gone to lunch together. So, your best guess at what could be wrong is that Seokjin said something strange. The two of them certainly have a strange dynamic- you still haven’t forgotten how weird that night the three of you went to the club was. But shouldn’t he be avoiding Seokjin, if that were the case, and not you? What could Seokjin have possibly said to trigger such baffling behaviour in your business partner?

Across from you, Minah carefully raises another forkful of cake to her mouth. She’s watching you like at any moment you are a bomb that could go off- perhaps she can sense your stormy mood.

“Um… (Y/N)…” She starts meekly. You start and shake yourself. You’re suddenly aware of the tension you had been holding in your expression and force yourself to relax into a smile. “Are you ok? You seem a little… off.”

You suppose you have been off. You’ve been weird and flu-y all week, and when coupled with how Jungkook has been treating you, it’s been a rough time.

“I’m just feeling a little under the weather.” You offer kindly. “How do you feel about this one?” You question, gesturing to the white chocolate and coconut cream cake before you. She watches you curiously for a moment longer before turning to the cake.

“Well, I really like it, but Tae is a bit picky with what he eats.” She offers with a laugh. “He doesn’t like the texture of coconut. So far I think that caramel mudcake and the red velvet are winning.” She says. She pats her stomach delicately. “But I don’t think I can handle much more cake! I never thought I’d see the day when this happens, but I think I’ve eaten enough cake to last me a lifetime.”

“Yeah- it’s why I normally avoid cake tasting with clients. I’d put on too much weight!” You tell her while patting your stomach with a laugh. She nods and smiles. There is a long drawn out silence where the two of you have run out of things to talk about unrelated to the wedding.

“You’re probably wondering why I invited you and not Jungkook.” She offers suddenly, setting down her fork and folding her fingers neatly together in front of her. You pause in the middle of trying the next sample of cake and stare at her curiously. Her smile is tight but concerned. “I’m worried about him. Especially after the other day. He’s been so distant lately, and I was wondering if he’d maybe spoken to you about it. The two of you seem so close lately, and he hasn’t been speaking to me or Taehyung.” She confesses. It makes sense, as his best friend, for her to seek you out. She’s probably desperate for answers. After all, they are life-long friends and Jungkook has been sick for over a year at this stage. Even the most obtuse people in the world would notice something strange is going on.

“It was just a spot of food poisoning.” You offer, though your smile is restrained and decidedly icy. Her frown deepens at your obvious lie.

“See, that’s the thing.” She says. “If it was just food poisoning, why did he call you? He could have asked me for help. I could have called the ambulance. He was barely conscious when you dragged him out. And I didn’t say anything because you asked me not to that day, but I can’t hold back anymore. What is wrong with Jungkook? What is he not telling me?”

You press your lips together nervously. Suddenly all the cake you’ve eaten leaves you feeling a little sick, and the nerves don’t help.

“I…” You say slowly. Your mind draws a blank- what’s a believable lie you could tell her to throw suspicion off? As it stands, she doesn’t seem to be suspecting Hanahaki. It’s not the most common disease in the world- it certainly wouldn’t be at the top of her list of what she suspects is wrong with Jungkook. “I don’t know.” You finally settle on. “He’s been acting weird towards me too.”

Her gaze softens at your confession, and you are surprised at the genuine sadness that comes out in your voice. Perhaps you have a future in acting.

“He’s been avoiding me all week, since that day in fact.” You confess. It’s a temporary fix, at best, but if you can contact Jungkook in time, perhaps the two of you can come up with an acceptable lie when you aren’t put on the spot like this. “So, if you want to know, you’ll have to talk to him.”

Minah seems to soften and relax when she realises that she is not alone in her bafflement over Jungkook. Of course, you are a little more informed of the situation than her, but he’s just as confusing to you. Even after all this time, after everything the two of you have been through together, he’s treating you like this. You can understand her confusion and hurt, at the very least.  She leans back and sighs.

“He’s been like this since he was a kid.” She confesses. “Always suffering alone. I wish… I wish just once he could rely on someone else.” The sadness in her voice makes your heart ache for her- not for the first time you are made aware of just how much she loves her friend.

“I’m sure… I’m sure he just doesn’t want to make you worry.” You offer weakly and her smile is thin and doesn’t reach her eyes.

“See, that’s the thing.” She sighs, defeated. “Friends are supposed to worry about each other. It’s in the job description. If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? But I suppose he wouldn’t be Jungkook if he wasn’t frustratingly closed off and difficult to read, would he?” She says with a chuckle. She straightens and smiles at you. “Thank you, though. I’m sure you have to get back to the office.”

You glance at your watch- you do. You’ve got a mountain of paperwork to go through and some new clients have just filled out a questionnaire you have to read through. You smile at her apologetically.

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” You say, getting quickly to your feet. “Email me what cake you and Taehyung decide to go with, and I’ll be in contact about finalising the invites to send off next week as well.” You say as farewell.

Back at the office, the atmosphere is strange. Seri is out for the day, taking clients to see a nearby venue, so Seokjin and Jungkook are the only ones in. Jungkook, when in the office (since there are times when he prefers to work from home), is often flitting from place to place as he makes phone calls or is seated at his desk going through paperwork. But currently he is seated stiffly at his desk. He is unmoving, instead staring at the monitor of the computer that rests on his desk like it has personally wronged him. And Seokjin, who is normally the kind of worker who spends more time gossiping in the break room than actually working, types vigorously at his desk like you’ve threatened to fire him if he doesn’t meet an email quota for the day. Normally, the work environment you have set is relaxed and free. Jungkook normally tracks the in- and out-of-office tasks and he does monthly performance evaluations, but as a whole, event-planning requires flexibility, and demanding customers often ensure your workers are meeting deadlines better than you ever could. But the office you have just walked into looks grey and bleary.

You can’t help but feel the oddly chilly atmosphere is linked to Jungkook’s recent behaviour, and it only furthers you suspicions that Seokjin is at the root of it all. But you have no time to dwell on it, for you feel it is better to inform Jungkook of Minah’s concerns sooner, rather than later.

“I need to speak with you in my office.” Is what you tell him, and you can’t help the way your tone runs slightly chilly. You had thought his sudden distance didn’t bother you, but clearly it does. You swallow, and stride into your office before you can observe his reaction, and without checking if he follows.

He does though, and when the door clicks shut before you, you turn to face him. You don’t know how to hold yourself around him, suddenly. You settle on standing straight, with your arms dangling loosely by your side. He stares at you, his face impassive and difficult to read. If Seokjin were to peer in through the window to your office, perhaps he would think you were having a staring competition. You swallow deeply and clear your throat, willing the uncomfortable ticking feeling in the back of your throat to go away. You must be coming down with a cold.

“I just got back from cake-tasting with Minah.” You inform him, breaking the silence. Something flashes in Jungkook’s expression, but it is gone before you can identify it. “She… she wanted to know about that day. At the wedding dress boutique. At the time I told her you had food poisoning and managed to get her to back off by saying I would explain later, and she wants those answers now.”

Silence follows, and Jungkook drops his gaze to his shoes.

“I see.” He answers softly, and his tone is frustratingly lacking. You’d have an easier time reading a blank sheet of paper. “What did you tell her?”

You bite your lip.

“That I didn’t know.” Is your simple answer. “I figured it would buy us some time to come up with an answer-”

“Good.” Jungkook interrupts. He says the words so softly that at first you think you might have misheard them. “That’s all you have to do- I’ll handle the rest. This isn’t an “us” problem.”

“Sorry, what?” You ask. If you’d had any doubt that he had been oddly cold towards you before now, then the way he regards you when he finally raises his gaze confirms it. You’ve seen ice warmer than the chill in his eyes.

“There is no “us.”” He repeats, louder this time so that you know you didn’t mishear him. “This is my problem, and you don’t need to get involved. Thank you for your help all this time, but I’d prefer it if we kept our relationship strictly professional from this point on.”

He bows, and turns to leave the room, as if that is an acceptable point to end the conversation. As if it’s ok to suddenly drop a bomb like that and then leave. As if you have the kind of relationship that can be cut off so easily.

“I thought we were in this together?” You ask, and you can’t keep the hurt from colouring your tone. Jungkook pauses with his hand resting against the doorhandle.

“We were.” He says softly, and it almost sounds like he regrets the fact. “But after thinking it through, I think that that was a mistake. I shouldn’t have brought my boss at work into such a personal situation. We’ve crossed a lot of professional boundaries, recently. And I understand that that was because we were in very difficult circumstances. But I don’t think that this is what is best for us, and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea about our relationship. You’ve been really helpful so far with my… condition, but I can handle it just fine on my own. I’d prefer you avoid getting unnecessarily caught up.”

““Unecessarily caught up”?” You spit in anger, striding forward and wrenching his shoulder so that he’s forced to face you. “Is that what you think of all this? It’s not like I was trying to invade your privacy- I’ve only been trying to help you, this entire time! And it’s not like I asked for any of this. How could you even say such a thing? I don’t know why you’re suddenly acting like this, but Jungkook, I’m helping because I care about you. Is that a crime?”

“It is.” Jungkook shouts, forcefully throwing your hand off his shoulder and glaring at you with a wildness and pain you don’t understand. The mask he had been hiding behind has cracked but you don’t understand a single one of the agonised emotions on his face. “I don’t want you to care about me.” He says, and he’s panting with the exertion of his shout. “I need you to keep your distance.”

Something about the way he says it, weak and broken, cools your sudden bout of anger. But his word choice strikes you as odd as well. It almost sounds… it almost sounds like he feels like he has no choice in pushing you away. Which is a familiar enough scenario to you- didn’t he do exactly that to Taehyung and Minah? Under the guise of it being for their own good? For the first time, you think that maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, to keep this awful secret from them for so long.

“Jungkook,” You call softly. His shoulders hunch in a flinch like you’ve just threatened to punch him.

Whatever questions you could have asked him next or words of comfort you could have offered are cut off by Seokjin opening the door to your office. He doesn’t knock, instead swinging the door open with urgency. He looks supremely uncomfortable as he glances between the two of you.

“I… I heard shouting.” Seokjin says, and you have no idea why he looks as guilty as he does until he meets your gaze determinedly. “And… And I think you guys should know about my part in your fight….”

++

Of all the ways you could have expected Jungkook to react in the ringing silence follow Jin’s story, bursting into laughter is not one of them. But that’s exactly what he does- he laughs loudly and freely like someone has lifted a weight off of his chest.

“Oh, Jin,” Jungkook cries, almost in tears- his laughter sobers quickly but the relieved smile remains. Seokjin frowns, adjusting how his spectacles sit against his face and for the first time perhaps ever, he looks bashful. “That’s not the case at all. (Y/N) doesn’t have Hanahaki. Although thank you for trying to help her.”

Seokjin blinks a few times in bafflement, before looking to you for confirmation. You offer him a smile.

“It’s true.” You tell him. “I don’t. And if I did, as much as I appreciate your attempts to help, I would get treatment- my brother’s not a specialist for nothing.”

“But then, what about when you were randomly asking about Hanahaki?” Seokjin accuses, and you feel bad for him. Everything he’s picked up on is a half-truth. The rose petals were likely from Jungkook having an episode. And you had suspiciously asked about Hanahaki not long after. But he’s missed the whole truth, and now the two of you are going to have to lie to him to continue to keep Jungkook’s secret. You open your mouth with a lie prepared, but Jungkook beats you to the chase.

“Because I’m the one with Hanahaki.” Jungkook announces, no longer laughing. Instead he smiles kindly at Seokjin.

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows such an announcement. Seokjin’s jaw actually drops.

“Not for (Y/N) though.” He continues to explain. “For Minah. My best friend, and the woman (Y/N) is currently planning the wedding for. (Y/N) has just been trying to help me all this time.”

Seokjin’s mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish before he finds his voice.

“So, you don’t have feelings for Jungkook?” Seokjin rasps.

You bite your lip, prepared to deny it, but the words don’t come out for some reason. Like they are caught in your throat. Luckily Jungkook is quick to jump in before you can force the denial out.

“Of course she doesn’t, thank goodness.” He sighs, and he looks so genuinely relieved that you should feel happy for him.

You don’t, though. You don’t feel happy at all. In fact, his words trigger something in you- your mind races as you put two and two together. Slowly the gravity of Jungkook’s behaviour occurs to you, now that you know the reasoning behind it.

“Then… Jungkook…” You wonder aloud. He turns to you curiously, patiently awaiting your question. “This past week that you’ve been acting weirdly around me…”

Jungkook grimaces and rubs nervously at the back of his neck.

“Oh… that…” He says slowly. “I’m so sorry about my behaviour, (Y/N). It’s because I was worried you had feelings for me. I was scared I would hurt you.”

His words shouldn’t hurt. They shouldn’t feel like he’s simultaneously plunged a knife into your heart and punched you in the gut. All his earlier, nastier words were because of a misunderstanding. He had been trying to push you away, maybe even for you own good, knowing Jungkook. You shouldn’t feel hurt. The feelings he was worried about don’t exist so you shouldn’t feel so heartbroken over him responding so vehemently to them.

But you do.

“Am I really that repulsive?” You ask softly. Both men in the room stiffen, perhaps picking up the undercurrent of hurt that, before this moment, hadn’t been detectable in your voice. It’s clear as day now, though. “Was the thought of me liking you so horrible that it justified you saying all those awful things to me just then? You had to go that far to push me away?”

The air changes slightly- gone is the relief and slight amusement at Seokjin’s antics. Instead your mind races as you filter through the hurt, the distress, the confusion Jungkook has put you through, all because he was terrified. Terrified of something as small and insignificant as you having a crush on him. As if your feelings are disgusting enough to justify casting you aside like a dirty rag.

“N-no.” Jungkook protests. Seokjin looks like he very much regrets being in the room in this instant. You regret being here too. “It- it wasn’t like that, (Y/N). It was for your own good.”

“‘My own good’” You repeat, and the bitter sarcasm is not lost on the two other occupants of the room. Jungkook stares despairingly at Seokjin but he has nothing helpful to offer, too subdued by his previous blunders. “You don’t have to lie, Jungkook.” You spit, as hot, angry tears begin to pool in your eyes and your throat burns. “Thank you, though, for showing me just how important I am to you. I’ll be sure to keep our relationship purely professional from now on.”

And you turn, ready to storm out of your office so that neither of your co-workers see the way your face has crumpled with hurt and the way the first of the tears begin to trickle down your cheeks.

“Wait, wait,” Jungkook cries, panicked now. He wraps his fingers around your wrist, trying to hold you in place. “No that’s not what I meant (Y/N).” He calls, and he’s almost in tears as he says it. “You’re important to me. You’re so important to me it scares me sometimes. I didn’t push you away because I don’t want you to like me or because you’re repulsive. You’re not. I’d be lucky for you to like me.” His grip on you is so tight it almost hurts, and his expression is pleading. “It’s because I couldn’t bear the thought of you feeling even a fraction of the pain that I know comes with not having your feelings returned, and because of someone like me. No way. You deserve so much better than that- than me. I... I care about you too much to be the reason for you being in pain. And what if the feelings grew? What if you ended up with Hanahaki? I thought... I thought if I pushed you away, you’d be safe. That the feelings would go away because I was such a dick and then you wouldn’t be hurt because of me.” 

You stare at him in bewilderment, trying to comprehend the slew of feelings he has basically pelted at you. You’re still angry, that’s for sure, and it was stupid of him to assume that pushing you away rather than talking with you was the best way to handle the situation. And how egotistical of him, to think that it was up to him, to deal with your emotions rather than leaving you to sort things out for yourself. But you kind of understand. Jungkook’s always been the kind of person who feels the need to take responsibility for people’s hardships- and he’d done that to Taehyung and Minah, his lifelong friends. You open your mouth to respond as much, but then the strangest feeling overcomes you. Like the words are trapped in your chest. You wince, placing your hand over your sternum. You are puzzled by the sudden pain that sits behind it. 

“(Y/N)?” Seokjin calls hesitantly. He registers more quickly than Jungkook that something is wrong. “Are you ok?” He takes an unsure step towards you from where he had been awkwardly watching the fight unfold. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Jungkook seems to register this fact as well, and one hand comes to rest lightly against your back and the other steadies your shoulder. The pain worsens as he does so, and you cough once. 

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks softly but urgently. You open your mouth, trying to reassure them but then you break into a coughing fit. It’s not a normal one though- you feel like something is caught in your throat. You swallow, trying to stop the coughs, but they just grow in intensity until you are doubled over from the force of them. 

“Maybe we should call an ambulance-” Seokjin cries urgently, and that’s when it happens.

A single white daisy petal bursts from your lips and flutters to the ground. For a moment, the three of you can only stare in horror. Slowly, the reality of the situation begins to dawn on you, and all the implications of the harmless white petal that rests lightly on the ground hit you like a tonne of bricks. 

In the next moment you flee from the room, before they can say anything. You don’t even spare a glance over your shoulder.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: My OLD art, part 1/?

Anyone who read my sketchbook post from yesterday knows I said something about feeling positive and might draw at night. Well, did I? I sure as hell DID NOT :DDDDDDD I don’t know what I was expecting. Anyhow might try again today if my head just stops hurting eventually.

But what I did was to find another youtuber whose videos to watch and figured that I really REALLY do love watching videos and reading posts etc. about other people’s old art and sketchbook tours and noticed that I have only ever had 2 sketchbooks and I bought the first one 10 years ago (and ended it a few weeks ago), and have drawn everything on loose paper - AND then ended up going through this:

It’s my sofa. And all my old drawings from the box I brought home from my parents’ house. I was planning on scanning maybe some of the best ones but here’s a few sneak peeks because why the heck not.

There’s lots of dinosaur drawings - I was OBSESSED with dinosaurs (with my siblings) and I was drawing them a lot. The first one was done with colored pencils, some of them look a lot like the dino toys we had :D The second one is just a Triceratops drawn with markers or how ever you call them in English. I still remember coloring that sky and grass, I think I was a bit inspired by my dad’s old drawings and wanted to do the same (I think he destroyed one blue marker because he just had to color the full sky?), and that was a hell of work. I think my age with these goes to when I was between 7 and 9.

^This is actually one of the papers I didn’t even know exists. I was so desperately trying to create comics and come up with comic book characters and something to draw that I have so many papers where I have just tried to draw something potential. I think the bunny at the left is what eventually did make it to an actual comic, tho very short-lived one, and I usually consider it as my first ever comic. I found also other papers I did before I started to use a notebook for them. I also tried to draw similar ones about cats and dogs because I never drew humans or at least not their faces. I was 9 or 10 at the time and my topics were so cliché always - always teens having crushes on other teens of the opposite sex :D Oh how heteronormative the world (at least mine) used to be back in the early 2000s </3

I have no memories of this one, I’d say I was 10-11. Not sure if this was just my imagination or if I used something as a reference to draw the shape.

This last one is my favorite - that sun and its eyes kill me every time ::D::D:D::Ddd I might have a shady memory of drawing this. The text has a terrible typo which took me ages to even understand what I was trying to say (it says “uni (ratsaktusse loukaantuneen)” when it should be “uni (ratsastuksessa loukkaantuneen)” - I think I might have been 8 here? I normally didn’t have trouble with text once I learnt to properly write.) but apparently it’s meant to be the dream of one of these dino characters who got hurt in a riding accident.

Before comics, I was constantly drawing this “image series” of this one dinosaur theropod riding a sauropod type dinosaur like a horse, and he went to a riding competition but didn’t wear any safety equipment and fell into a very deep water obstacle and nearly drowned, and it ended with him watching the competitions from home while sitting in a wheelchair and he’s in this full-body cast. I found 3 sheets of this actually but I don’t think it was the original. I remember drawing it several times and I didn’t find the one where he falls. So this drawing is supposed to be his dream - there’s a girl dinosaur down there and apparently she’s in very big danger and he’s trying to save her. There’s 3 tipes of other carnivorous dinosaurs. Or is that one a crocodile/postosuchus? Anyway, it’s standing on a head of another big water... monster. But that sun tho, that really is a master piece with it’s killing sun rays and all ::D

That box mainly has drawings before my teenage years + drawings I did at school and art school (hobby) back in the day. I have all laters drawings saved all over the place. Some of them are in my drawers and some are in folders, and I think something is also in the closet where I keep my old school books. So I have lots and lots of old drawings (and paintings, I hated it but had to paint at schools) here, especially comics since I have been drawing them ever since I was about 9 or 10. Comics with plots I started doing when I was 14 but that still didn’t mean I finished even a half of them.

[blacktotheblueside]

(Ex) Bobby

Summary: you just ready for bobby tah GO!!!! But he fine so you don’t know...

I was an actress that was challenging myself, I was obsessed with Korean dramas and wanted to play a part in one so my management brought me to South Korea around 3 years ago and in those years I was in a few kdramas, movies and in a public relationship with iKon’s one and only bobby. We’re currently broken up and it has just been released by none other than dispatch themselves, I’m sat with my management discussing how I’m gonna be bombarded with questions about my breakup and how I should handle it. I’m in a new drama as the main female lead and I’m going to be doing a ton of interviews he’s bound to be mentioned in a few.

I sigh as my team lay advice and all sorts. I’m very grateful I’ve been given this opportunity to act in Korea, I learnt the language when I first came and been working on it ever since hence why now I get more parts, this is the first time in one of the main characters. I just wanna focus on work but even while we’re broken up bobby still finds a way to be in my life.

~~~~

It’s 4am and my alarm goes off, I have sooo much schedules today. I don’t even try and dose off again like usual, I jump off the bed and get showered before my stylist arrives to dress me for the day...hair dressers, make up artist all that!

I’m dressed in a white baggy tee waiting for *KnockKnockKnock* they’re here.

We went with fresh faced makeup and my curly hair in a sleek low bun. For my outfit I’m wearing black skinny fit trousers and a white see through dress shirt, it’s baggy and it’s hanging off my shoulders teamed with a white bralette, yellow pump heels and yellow studs.

<My Schedule>

Inkigayo actor special mc w/ seo kang jun

Hello counsellor

Happy together foreigners working in korean entrainment

That’s all for today, I’m glad it was all shows where I won’t have to speak about bobby, all fun chatting.

~~~ Inkigayo ~~~

I walk through the corridor to get to my dressing room. I can speak korean but I still get so nervous before a show, I hate messing up! I have to get changed into something less formal, I go with a white dungaree dress with a pink off the shoulder top and pink high top converse. A long glittery chain for a belt and have my curls styled half up in a pony tail and the rest down my back.

I have 10 minutes left so I start making my way to the stage. I say hi at least 100 times on my way no joke, I bump into BTS on the way as the have a new comeback, I remained so calm I’m proud! I see kang Jun and we start chatting, we’ve met before at award shows and other tv shows, he tells me to not be scared and we head out and the crowd cheers!

We finish the show smoothly making me wonder why I was nervous to start with. I say bye to kang Jun and all the acts I see on my way out, bangtan we’re not there so I was a little disappointed I’m a huge fan of them. Next time I guess.

I’ve changed back into my first outfit and I’m on the way to my next schedule... I eat a famous inkigayo sandwich in the car while getting my hair re done and my make up touched up.

~~~ hello counsellor ~~~

I arrive just in time to say hi to all the hosts and guest...we make our way onto the set.

I’m a guest along with jay park and Jeonghan and scoups from svt. The boys show some of there new song. As for me they play a snippet of my new drama. They compliment my Korean a few times and ask about how I came over and started acting here.

Hello counsellor was so fun to shoot I got to role play with jay park on how to overcome an angry wife, I laughed and nearly even cried.

The show ends and I make my way to the car again. I change in the car thank God for tinted windows! I change into dark brown leather skirt and a light brown t shirt tucked in, with khaki sandal heels and earrings. My hair is in a high ponytail with my baby hairs styled (obviously by me)

~~~ happy together ~~~

This is the one I’m more excited for! I’ve always wanted to come on here. I make my way to my dressing room and now I’m already dressed and ready to go I’ve got time to kill, I am going out on a full stomach! I’m on my phone while I’m walking, my Social media all blowing up! I click on twitter to see my mentions all filled with articles of bobby.... curiosity gets the better of me, I see the headline “NETIZENS ARE QUESTIONING WHETHER iKON’S BOBBY AND ACTRESS Y/N ARE REALLY BROKEN UP AFTER BOBBY POSTS PHOTO OF A WOMAN’S SHADOW CAPTIONED WITH Y/N’S MOST FAMOUS LINE.”

I’m in the dressing room and I sit straight down before I fall or even worse get snapped looking at this!

I click the “read more” button and start skimming the article.

The picture is definitely me....what is he doing?! It was when we went on a date late at night near Han river, he snapped my shadow on the floor and the caption written in korean “it’s a butterfly”... omg it was a line from a movie I did, it was one of the highlights of the film as it was the tearjerker.

I don’t have time for this. My manager walks towards me and sits down ‘judging by your face you’ve seen the article.... don’t pay attention! Just go out there and pretend you’ve seen nothing’ he states. I nod slowly and sit there in silence, we broke up like nearly a month ago... why would he post this after not even trying to talk to me. Boys are so weird! I start playing games on my phone to take my mind off this distraction. I look at the time and see if I still have time for a snack bc of nerves, I don’t so I make my way to the couches. I stop and bow to the whole cast and sit on the seat, we’re all making small talk till it starts. In the interview they ask us foreigners about how we first came to Korea, how we learnt the language and first impressions of Korea when we first came. Another black person famous in Korea, Sam from Ghana was there we had so much in common. I laughed so much and we all had so much fun.

We spoke a bit about our work and I explained what my new drama was about and my character. We watched a little snippet again and some bloopers.

‘So y/n we hear you’re now single’ one of the hosts ask. Oh no....ok I’ve got this ‘yeah i am’ I smile acting like this isn’t bothering me at all. ‘Was that your first time dating a korean man?’ I nodded ‘it was’

Oohs and ahhs came from them all ‘so hows it different to guys back home?’ I think for a little bit ‘to be honest there’s not a lot of difference just the language difference I guess’ I say calmly. They nodded in agreement ‘were there any difficulties with the language barrier?’ I sigh to show them how exhausted I was in the beginning ‘oh yes, I couldn’t speak a lot of korean back when we first met. He could speak English though so I was good! But when I met his friends and family....’ I trail off a bit thinking about those times, No focus! ‘I was forced to speak so bit by bit I got better so it was awkward at first but it paid off in the end.... free korean lessons’ i say content with my answer. Sam pipes in ‘oh my I spent so much on korean lessons before I got into my first relationship!’ ‘Should’ve got in a relationship quicker’ I reply. We all laughed at his shocked face.

The show ends with a game where we guess a catchphrase by what the artist is drawing.

After the show me and Sam exchange numbers, he’s too funny to not have as a friend.

~~~~

I’m done for the day, I tell my manager I need food or else I’m going to collapse. We get pizza and fries, they drop me off home and I get undressed and ready for bed. I have a day off tomorrow so I planned to stay up late and watch my favourite shows but I’m exhausted. I hear my phone go off and it’s an unfamiliar number.... I pick up ‘hello?’ I hear breathing and just as I’m about to say hello again ‘hey y/n....’ bobby! After being together for so long I know his voice! After we broke up I blocked his number and got back to work... he probably changed it. ‘Hello?!’ Bobby says trying to see if I’m still there. ‘Bobby... what do you want?’ I get straight to the point, he sighs ‘y/n don’t...please... I just wanna see how you are! I watched you today on inkigayo’ is he being foreal? Calling as if we’re best friends catching up at the end of the day. ‘Bobby is there something you want?’ I’m tired ‘I-‘ I cut him off ‘I saw your Ig post, what was that for?’ I question. All I heard was silence, I had to pull the phone to my face so I could see whether the phone call had disconnected.

‘I wanted to talk to you...’ he started I stayed quiet he takes a deep breath ‘y/n I’m not gonna lie and say that this break up has been easy...’ oh no ‘...it really hasn’t! I just want you to give me...’ here he comes!!! ‘...one more chance’ he said it. I don’t know what to do, of course I still love him but we just to in love... so in love that we were just distracting each other from our jobs. ‘I... don’t think that’s the best option right now b’ I say quietly, I’m angry at him for ignoring me for so long and now he wants to pop up in his own time, when it’s convenient for him. ‘...I’m so busy these days... I don’t think I can handle a boyfriend, an ex at that.... right at this moment’ he sighs again, ‘you don’t think I’m busy too?’ He’s frustrated and quite frankly I don’t care ‘Don’t start with me bobby, you broke up with me, ignored me for how long and NOW you want me back?’ I state the facts to him. He groans ‘I know! And it was stupid of me, I made a dumb decision on impulse... and now I regret it every damn day!’

I re ask him ‘why did you upload that picture?’ ‘Because I wanted you to see it and the whole world to see that I’m not giving up on you, on our relationship! I don’t want anyone else’ my heart flutters a little and I hate him and me for being so weak to his sweet words.

‘I’ll think about it’ I tell him. ‘Don’t run and hide from me y/n!’ He says something I was sure I was gonna do ‘I won’t, I just need some time... this is too much for me’

‘I seen the trailer for your new drama.... I’ve been keeping up with you in the media, I’m proud of you’ I hear his smile through his words. I’ve been keeping up with him too, I won’t tell him that though ‘Thanks’ I whisper. After a few moments of silence ‘I’ll let you get to sleep now.... but don’t forget me, take everything I said into consideration.... I really want you back here with me baby’ omg I just want to forget everything and tell him to come here right this minute but that would be dumb. I just settle for a simple ‘ok’ we exchange good nights and I fall asleep really thinking about what’d it be like if we did get back together or were we better off separated.

Part 2 coming soon (black people timing)

[igotyoukth]

BTS juniors.

Masterlist.

Bear with me and the names of the kids. I’m currently studying for an astronomy exam, and had to use something for the names xx

Seokjin and daughter Ari (4 yo.)

She was the prettiest girl, and growing up as the daughter most confident guy you ever met, she learnt one thing or two. Ari was everything you would call a little lady. She loved pink since birth. Not tht she had any other chance. Your husband, Jin already had turned the whole house pink, the second you found out about the baby’s gender. But with Jin, a son wouldn’t have made a difference to be honest.

And just like her dad, Ari wasn’t just a pretty doll, she was also so kind, nice and intelligent. More than you could ever wish for. She surprised you every day, Jin especially. 

“Dad, I can’t wear them,” Ari whined staring at her white shoes. Jin immediately started looking for pink ones to match her outfit better, but Ari’s frustration grew bigger. “No,” she sighed and walked to the shoeshelf herself. She took black ballerinas out of it and placed them on the floor. 

“They will get dirty,” she explained and shook her little head at her dad. Jin looked down at her little girl and couldn’t hide his shock. His girl was so smart, while he didn’t even know he had to pack a picnic blanket... to go on a picnic. 

“Yes, my smart princess, let me help you,” he said and helped her out of the white shoes. 

And at Han River, Ari didn’t stop shocking her dad. But in the most embarrassing way this time. 

“Do you know my dad?,” she asked a group of female teens, when Jin was busy with the bags. “It’s Jin, from BTS!” Ari started to giggle, when the girls turned to Jin and awed in his direction. “Of course,” the group screamed, when Jin ran towards them to collect his cheeky one. Jin tried to take Ari away, and apologized for her, but the girls were already singing to one of BTS’ hits. 

“Jungkook uncle sings better,” Ari said, again earning wide eyes from her father.

Yoongi and son Haneul (3 yo.)

It was Yoongi’s idea to name your son ‘sky’ in Korean. He liked the metaphorical aspect of it a lot, how his son would always be up high, at school, in his job or in life general. Yoongi also described the sky as something so different, with the several colors and the weather, but still so consistent. 

Maybe it was too deep to others, when it was just a name. But you actually didn’t expect anything different from Yoongi. He had to put too much thought into everything. 

“Mini Min?,” you walked around the house, looking for your son and your husband. You didn’t bother calling them both, as Yoongi was always glued to Haneul, when they were home. 

“It’s mom!,” you heard a little panicked voice from the living room, followed by footsteps running around. You walked towards the noises until you found the culprits in the bedroom of your son. Yoongi was standing tall in front of you, with Haneul hiding behind him. Haneul was hugging Yoongi’s legs, while Yoongi was trying to hide a grin. 

“Where is Haneul?,” you asked Yoongi, joining their game. 

“I think I saw him in the garden,” Yoongi said and winked, telling you to leave the room for a bit. You nodded a little confused, left the room but stopped around the corner, to listen what was happening. 

“Now let’s change before mommy comes, okay?,” Yoongi spoke softly. 

“Is it not pretty?” Haneul’s voice was kind of sad. “It is very pretty, but I don’t think that mom will accept your t-shirt as a drawing.” So that’s what happened, you finally understood. 

“But books are boring.” You could only imagine how pouty he looked right now. Haneul always found new places to draw on, because like he said, drawing books were boring after a while. 

“How about we go out and draw with chalk on the house wall?”

Hoseok and the twins (2yo) Luna (girl)& Leo (boy)

What else was there to expect from the kids of Jung Hoseok. These two were up since way too early in the morning with way too much energy.

“All I wanna do is sleep,” Hoseok whined. The man, who was once so famous for his energy and vitamin like character. The man, who didn’t think twice about another round of dance practice or could handle concert after concert. His own twins were his downfall.

“That’s what I’ll be doing the whole day,” you smirked at him. Last month Hoseok and you made a bet and the winner got a day off. The bet had been nothing spectacular, but for sleep deprived and almost crazy parents multiplication had been hard. So today, you had the day off, you would go to a hotel to just... sleep. You wouldn’t even bother with the spa or any other thing. Sleep was all you needed. 

“And I’ll be having a great day with my two angels!,” Hoseok bluffed. His confident facade didn’t survive for five seconds, because the twins brought him back to reality with their screams. They had been playing peacefully with their toys, which was over now.

Leo had managed to tangle up his doll’s hand in Luna’s skirt, and Luna running away from him made Leo crazy. And of course, Luna had to scream while eunning around. Before you could calm them down, Leo caught his doll, and pulled at it. His doll suddenly left Luna's skirt, so that Leo fell on the floor. Luna looked back at her brother, seeing him and his doll. And a part of her skirt in his hands. So another scream party started at that point. 

“I can’t survive this,” he turned at you,”you can get your free day,when those are five or so, but today you can’t leave me.” 

“Okay, babe. But don't call them 'those', they were your two angels a minute ago.” 

Namjoon and son Jaein (4yo)

These two were so different, but still so similar. Day by day Namjoon was getting clumsier, while Jaein was getting more cautious. But at the same time, they searched for each other, when they saw cute things on TV or in a book they read.

"Daaaad!," Jaein yelled around, until he found his dad in the garden with you. Jaein had a coloring book in his hands. He sat in Namjoon's lap like he always did and told him to wait for a second.

"I found our friends," he explained, searching for the tight page in his book. "You did? This is amazing, Jaein."

"Look! It's an octopus, but you can only see six legs," Jaein pointed at the page with a half colored octopus,"I counted them."

"You did great, but why didn't you finish coloring?"

"Dad!," Jaein suddenly said, frustrated with Namjoon,"I told you, it has six legs!" But Namjoon only had qustion marks all over his face.

"Only six? Not eight?," you helped Namjoon out.

"Ah! Then let us get a pen and draw the missing legs, ok?," Namjoon asked Jaein, who was now happy that his dad saw the problem.

"I'll get them," Jaein said and jumped up.

"I think he's afraid that you will trip again in his room."

"He is so smart and caring." Namjoon had hearts inside his eyes, watching Jaein enter the house.

"Yes, he is, but I think he is also afraid that you will destroy his lego castle."

Jimin and daughter Elea (14 months)

You woke up from Jimin’s screams and Elea’s laughter. While moving in her sleep, Elea somehow had managed to slap her father in, waking both of them. Now she was jumping around on the bed, running away from her dad. She was nowhere close to being stable on her feet, but she trusted Jimin to catch her, if she would fall. 

“Stop right there, rascal!,” Jimin yelled jokingly trying to get a hold of Elea’s little arms. But she only giggled even harder and murmured something.

“Rascal!,” you could make out between her giggles.

“Park Jimin!,” you yelled at him for teaching her bad words. Elea was weirdly talented in that area. Only picking up bad words, when it took you months and months to get her to learn mom or dad (she said dad first, to Jimin’s delight). But once she heard Jin say sh*t, she repeated it for hours. 

“My girl is just smart in her own way!,” Jimin argued, but then Elea continued with her little curses. 

“Lili,” it was Jimin’s little nickname he used for her, when he wanted her to comply,”let’s forget that word, and I’ll teach you prettier ones, and get you chocolate.”

“Okay, rascal!,” Elea yelled happily, but immediately covered her mouths. “Sorry, dad,” she whispered afterwards.

“It’s ok Lili-baby, should I tell you my favorite word?,” Elea nodded excitedly,”Lovely!”

And just like the mini version of Jimin, Elea started chanting “Lovely, lovely, lovely!”

“It reminds me of someone,” you said to Jimin.

“Of someone lovely?”

Taehyung and twin boys Bora& Baram (2 yo.)

Only those who could handle twins were gifted with them, you believed. And seeing Taehyung with his twin boys, it felt right. Any other person would have gone mad by now, but he and even you were doing great. You developed the infamous instincs, that told you if the boys were hungry, awake or in any kind of danger. And Taehyung... was just born for this. 

You kind of thought that it was his pure love and excitement to have kids, but really this was something beyond it. It was like watching these super dad videos everyday. The ones, where dads catch their kids mid air from falling or save them from being hit from flying balls. 

“Kims,” he yelled without even turning around, and the boys immediately started apologizing in their baby language. The twins were playing in the pool in your massive garden. It was unusual for young people in Korea to have houses with gardens, many preffered apartments, but Taehyung told you that it was his dream to live like this. And you loved it as well. Also noone would be able to survive as your neighbors anyways. Your morning routine included dancing to Anpanman after all. 

“What will you do about food?,” you asked Taehyung, because you would have a girl’s day with your friends for the first time in forever. And the twins only were problematic about food, anything else was manageable for Taehyung.

“Food?,” he thought for a while,”I’ll probably get hamburgers.” 

“Ya! Kim Taehyung! They are only two!”

“Just the right age to start loving hamburgers!” 

“So I’ll prepare lunch before I leave?”

“And dinner please.”

Jungkook and daughter Hera (8 months)

“You have to come back,” was the only thing Jungkook said on the phone. You had only left to get some food at the supermarket, because Jungkook was always too slow or hindered by fans. And you really needed to get out of the house. 

So after ending your 2 seconds call, you quickly grabbed the essentials and paid. You could only imagine, what was happening at home. Was Hera crying? Did something happen to her? So you hurried and got home, to find Hera and Jungkook lying on the floor. Their bodies made a perfect L shape, Hera the short stroke, Jungkook the long one, touching by their heads. Well, not exactly touching. Hera’s fingers were in Jungkook’s hair and it was written on his face, that she was pulling now and then. 

Hearing you enter the room, Jungkook tried to get up, just to be held down by Hera’s little hands and her whines. 

“She only stopped crying when she did this,” Jungkook explained, going back to his previous position on the floor.

“Hera, come on, look what mom got you,” you tried to lure her. And she did turn on her stomach and started to crawl into your direction. With her hands still in Jungkook’s hair. Given his muscles and body, it was funny to see him defeated by his baby girl. All he could do was hope, that Hera would let go. So you came to his rescue, lifting Hera up, and freeing her hands. 

“She started crying the second you left,” Jungkook said unhappily.

“It was the first time any of us left, she would’ve done the same with you,” you told him, because you heard a bit of jealousy in his voice.

“If she doesn’t cry, I’ll lose my pride,” Jungkook responded, but happier after your comment. 

“And if she does?”

“My mind definitely, she can be so loud.”

[captain-aralias]

Hi, 1,7 and 22 from the fic asks please 💕💕💕

hooray! asks. these are some of the best ones too and it’s 11pm at night... basically, if you want to ask these questions again at the weekend, i will probably answer them better.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

fake relationship, possibly outside of the main ship (that penny/baz prompt today has my name on it. i almost wrote this exact fake relationship into ‘keep calm’ to get the two of them to the cottage, but i removed it because i JUST NEEDED TO GET TO THE PLOT). 

in ‘carry on’, my comfort zone is - something about vampires and how sad baz feels about being a vampire, it’ll be about 10k, and will alternate between only the two main characters. at some point someone will point out that baz is rich and maybe he should feel bad about that too. maybe our heroes will have sex. 

i’ve said before that i find writing smut hard. i also find it easy, despite that being a contradiction, because you know what the fic is about - it gives it an easy, safe arc, a beginning and an end. so that is helpful - the problem is having to write the actual shagging. 

17. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

i’m not a great prose stylist - i’m a writer of dialogue/i always wanted to be a playwright. i’m also pretty good at picking up an mimicking stylistic quirks. so you’ll see what i mean when i say, ‘carry on’ really plays to my strengths. 

a few years earlier, i had a great time writing first-person fics in ‘blake’s 7′ fandom where there were basically none. it seemed incredibly frightening before i started (and i still never wrote blake first person, too scary), but actually i loved it. 

if you like the things i write for baz, now, a lot of it is probably because i wrote this kind of thing for avon first:  

I realised belatedly that Blake had asked this because the hand I'd left on the back of the sofa hadn't stayed where I'd left it. It had crept upwards, and twisted itself into Blake's hair. I must have been toying with his curls. He was right – I must be very drunk. More than I realised. I have no idea how long my hand had been there. I began to draw it back, but Blake seemed to follow it, though I were tugging him towards me, rather than releasing him. By the time my hand had returned to my lap, Blake was most of the way onto my side of the sofa. I opened my mouth to protest, and found myself pushed back by Blake's body as he kissed me. Blake kissed me. Blake kissed me.

I have no idea why he thought this would be welcome, or even whether he’d thought that far ahead. Until that point I had no idea he was attracted to me, or even that he was attracted to men. I am not attracted to men, and I'm certainly not attracted to Blake. He— That is— Well, I can see why some people – some women – might be attracted to him, but it's an objective observation. I can see why women might be attracted to me, and I'm not attracted to myself. Most of the time I don't even like myself. Most of the time I don't like Blake. I certainly don't like him – it's nothing personal. No, it is personal – the regular dislike is, the dislike formed around the fact that a dangerous maniac who endangers my life on a constant basis – but my disinterest in him sexually is not personal. I'd just never thought of him in that light before. Why would I?

So I have no idea why I kissed him back, clutching at his hair with the hands I'd only just managed to remove from his curls earlier.

- Roj Blake and Other Phobias (2015)

a lot of what i wrote for avon is unreliable narrator but very VERY obviously unreliable, so the audience is very in on the joke that he’s kidding himself. for thousands of words. (in this, he is not like baz, who at least knows himself.) this was really good fun, and i think it’s fun to read. i think this kiss is quite sexy (i cut it before we got to that part, but it is) and i also like... even though it’s a cheap device... that i played on quite a famous line for this pairing - have you betrayed me? have you betrayed me? both obviously at the end of the first paragraph, but at other points throughout the bit i quoted where avon tries to clean up after himself even inside his own head by (here) emphasising different bits of the sentence. or correcting himself to make sure he is completely understood... 

and obviously he is completely lying.

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. 

this is my favourite question from the meme. i don’t think i’ll do it justice. 

i thought i’d go really early - because all the Blake stuff is still pretty much as i would write it (if not better). 

this is one of the last Harry Potter fics i ever wrote: Enslaving Fireflies (2005). 

May the first, 1972. “I’m not having any fun,” Peter said for the fifth time, lunging dangerously at another firefly that hovered five feet about his head and almost falling to his death. “Go inside then,” Sirius pointed out mercilessly, as he had done every time Peter had suggested that standing on a roof in the early hours of the morning trying to catch glowing insects was not quite as thrilling as James had made it seem inside the common room an hour ago. Peter scowled in his general direction, but stayed where he was. Sirius smirked and Remus rolled his eyes: after almost a year he, at least, had learnt that it was unwise to let Sirius know he’d won, even if Sirius already suspected as much. There was five minutes of silence and then Peter spoke again. “How many of these things do we need to catch?” “A hundred and fifty,” James informed him for the third time. “Thirty for will, twenty-five for you, fifteen for go, twenty for out, thirty-five for with and fifteen for me and ten for a question mark.” Peter considered this. “And how many do we have?” Remus lifted up the large glass jar that they had ‘borrowed’ from the kitchen that morning and which now held the product of the last hour’s work. “Four,” he said, seriously, “and I think this one’s dead, so that’s three.” “Only another forty-nine hours to go,” James said happily waving his net enthusiastically in the general direction of some more fireflies, “which means, minus the time we have to be in lessons, we should just be in time for her birthday.” Remus put down the jar and set to work again. Another five minutes passed and then Peter said, “I’m really, really not having any fun.”

-- 

i dont know if everyone else also had this phase, but at this time (and i was in university by this time - first year, but still) i had this crazy perception about how paragraphing worked. informed, admittedly, by reading books where this does happen. 

anyway - the first thing i would do to this would be to put line breaks in between the dialogue. 

i chose potter because i thought it would be fun to edit it into first person, given the above/it’s connection with ‘Carry On’... i don’t know if that’s the case, though. er...

1st May 1972 REMUS

We’ve only been at Hogwarts a few months, but I’ve already learned a lot. Like what a bezor is. How to get to the Shrieking Shack without waking up any of my roommates. And that if James Potter says something will be ‘fun’, you should be prepared for both pain and suffering.

“I’m not having any fun,” Peter says for the fifth time as he lunges for another firefly. It’s not the first time that he’s said this and it probably won’t be the last. 

“Go inside then,” Sirius says (also not for the first time). 

When Peter doesn’t, Sirius grins me - because of course, he knew Peter wouldn’t leave. But another thing I’ve learned is not to tell Sirius he’s right, even though - of course - he already knows he is. The gloating can last for hours.

etc

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Aniplex Fugou Keiji Livestream | Fugou Keiji 2 | Kitsutsuki 2 - 4 | Arte 3 - 12 (FINAL) | Fruits Basket 27 - 32

During the Millionaire Detective: Unmissable livestream (part of FunimationCon and Aniplex Online Fest), I watched and took notes, so you might find these handy upon retrospect. To be honest, this is how I do the posts for magicalgirlsandcerulean’s livestreams as well, but there hasn’t been one of those in a while...

Otherwise, these are all normal notes.

Aniplex Fugou Keiji Livestream

Look out for the dancer from the OP

Onuki was the model for the dancing for the anime – he was told to do it out of the blue

Episode 11 might have one of these^ be relevant

Daisuke’s cup ramen has shark fin in it and he made the packaging from scratch – that’s why it’s so expensive!

The director Tomohiko Ito omits important information, allowing people to decide for themselves what happened. (Miyano) – This might be why the series is stylish. (MC)

Attractiveness of character design is important! (for adapting Fugou Keiji to modern day)

I’ve never watched a livestream where the stars were so conscious of their English and Chinese audiences! This was interesting, especially because Onuki is not normally known as a VA!

“We still have a little bit of recording to do.”

Fugou Keiji 2

I keep misunderstanding my own instructions…this starts again in July after ep 2.

Todai = Tokyo Daigaku (Uni).

I believe this is the 2nd time I’ve seen a rich person like commoner’s instant noodles, although I forget where I saw the 1stinstance.

Kambe switched to the back seat now, huh?

Ah! Now I remember! The first time was seeing spoilers for this episode on Twitter! (LOL)

I see Suzue has a sensible naming scheme for her data.

Hmm…judging by the Google hits, the name visible in the background (Betbeto bin Abura) is the Arabic prince from last time.

SYN-ACK. I see these guys did their work – that’s the final stage of the 3 stage handshake required for things like internet sockets (used to send “packets” of data).

Way to crash a party, Kambe siblings…(LOL)

I really wanna see someone draw Kato slapping (Daisuke) Kambe in the face with a wad of cash…or a “shut up and take my money” meme with Kambe in it.

I like how “special cup ramen” is on the purchases list and it costs 100000 yen. I also like how the reporter Mita was bought out for 5000000 yen (bigger than all the other individual costs except for buying out the Tower)…that’s how he showed up.

Kitsutsuki 2

I gotta finish this show and then pause it…3 shows in my normal lineup are safe.

Did Kindaichi take the bones of the fish out for Ishikawa…? Like a child would have had done for them?

Why is Ishikawa being referred to as “Hajime”…?

Draw this prostitute like one of your French girls…(LOL?)

Ishikawa clearly dropped those coins into that book earlier.

Way to diss the potential asexuality/celibacy in the house. I mean, it’s the 1800s – early 1900s, so there was less LGBTIQ+ stuff then and certainly the further back you go, the more sexual prowess becomes a sign of masculinity, but still, if the guy doesn’t want to go through with it, don’t force him.

Notice how the borders were pink for Ishikawa’s version and blue for Kindaichi’s.

Notably, Otaki didn’t seem to have that hairpin…but maybe that’s because we saw things from Ishikawa’s perspective.

Ooh…who are these bois? Also, crab.

Kitsutsuki 3

…cat? Now there’s a new perspective. That’s like saying the butler did it.

Yay! Hagiwara is Ume!

Notice Hagiwara’s version has a purple frame, while Yoshii (?) has yellow and another person has dark blue.

I think “consumption” was tuberculosis, once upon a time.

I love how the crowd is fed up with Ishikawa’s bulls***.

Ooh, chuuni Akutagawa…

In a Grove is the Rashomon story.

Tarou Hirai = Rampo Edogawa.

You stalker, future Rampo!

I kinda suspected Otaki when I thought through the possibilities…Ishikawa, Kindaichi, an outsider, Otaki (and as of this ep, Rampo too).

Gaiheikan? Is that Ishikawa and co.’s lodging?

Did they have pencils back in that day?

Kitsutsuki 4

Humouresques.

Kabayaki.

I think it was in Detective Conan that I learnt (one of) the only way(s) a man can get his nails done is by his wife doing it for him, possibly as a prank or to indicate he’s “taken”. Note this was early Detective Conan, so it’s very much a 90s attitude…considering the widespread acceptance of drag queens and the LGBTIQ+ movement these days.

Kozukata.

Lace flower.

Maichou seems to be a hybrid of Asahi Shinbun and Mainichi Shinbun.

[Monkfish/dictionary/going home] - Is this how Ishikawa shows consideration…?

The purple letterrboxing is back but this time with Ishikawa…meaning that’s just an aesthetic thing for all flashbacks after all.

Just from vaguely hearing it (I’ve got the volume on low), the words are nodo tsuki/nodo zuki. “Throat moon/throat wound” works just as well, if not better.

Balsam flower.

Update: Since enough anime fulfilled the special COVID-19 criteria, Kitsutsuki was put on hold after this.

Fruits Basket 2 2 (27)

I’ve read Another, remember?…so I kind of know what happens.

Uo’s got purple nails…that’s surprisingly cute of her.

Aw, Kureno! Another Ume role!

Why is “shisho” (master) not translated…? A weird Tokyopop-era translation quirk?

Aw, Shisho cut his hair…? Bummer.

Who was that? Shigure…?(!) Update: We find out his name later in this ep.

“If you continue to change, I’ll continue to protect you.” – Another quote for the archive.

Great…I feel personally called out by this ep.

Fruits Basket 2 3 (28)

It seems all male designers wear their designs if they have no one else to wear them…at least, that’s what I’ve gathered from Hajime (Runway de Waratte) and Ayame.

I remember Ayame stood in for Yuki’s parents in the manga at one point. This must be it.

(Spoilers for later!) I also remember Mine and Ayame get married at the end…This is the prelude to that.

Dang, Ayame, you moment-ruiner!

Fruits Basket 2 4 (29)

Did anyone in the doorway hear about Hatsuharu turning into an ox?

To quote Sailor Mercury, “Douse yourself in water and repent!”

Ooh, window splitting Yuki and Haru. Nice cinematography going on here.

I bet all people think they only think about themselves, in one way or another.

Arashiyama tofu.

Yatsuhashi are great. They’re these sweet triangle things like samosas that come in various flavours. Mitarashi dango are sticky brown skewered balls of glutinous rice…which I’ve never had, but I’ve seen them in enough anime to know what they are.

I only just realised this, but Yuki’s hairstyle isn’t even on both sides, like Atsushi from BSD’s.

Huh…you can see a copy of Mogeta and Ari (as it turns out, “Ari” is the name of a character and not “ant” at all in this case) on Haru’s bed. There’s also an article in one of the magazines discussing how denim is the popular thing now and which types are in right now.

Fruits Basket 2 5 (30)

I realised Yuki isn’t calling Tohru by her first name – he’s going against Haru’s advice.

Hmm? Why should anyone ask a rabbit to hold their horses…? (LOL)

CGI cars…*sigh*

Tororo is grated yam, IIRC.

I learnt recently that nanban means “savage” or “uncivilised”…for a potato and chicken dish, the name and the contents don’t really match…Update: Nanban means “savage” (noun) or “barbarian”. Close enough.

17-26…age gap 9 years…yikes…

The words “(a happy, yet) caged bird” come to mind when Kureno describes himself. Also, Kureno is an Ume role! Yippee!

Ahh…young love…even if it has a bit of an awkward edge to it. Mind the (age) gap!

Me being the Ume stan, of course I want to hear those sweet nothings in his voice, even if it has to be via a proxy like Uotani…I wouldn’t be an Ume stan if I didn’t.

…Ah, I see. Uotani reminds me of Minare from Wave and vice versa.

Oh, I just remembered Akito is 20 or thereabouts. Kureno/Akito is only a bit more legal than Uotani and Kureno.

Arte 3

Notice Leo never once uses Arte’s name in the lady’s presence. Her name does have some infamy to it, after all.

“She’s got some guts.” – You say that at a live dissection…LOL.

Is this love~? What’s the age gap between Leo and Arte, anyway? Update: We know for sure Arte is older than 13…that’s it.

Make the things you want prominent with perspective and such. I thought that much was obvious, but for someone straightforward like Arte, I guess it ain’t so. (Maybe it’s because I’m self-taught to some degree when it comes to art.)

*sketching by candlelight* - You’re gonna ruin your eyes, Arte!

Arte, ma girl! You’re getting’ a raise! Good job!

Arte 4

Anime makes this courtesan stuff sound like a host club…(?)

I thought Leo was saying “Aria” for a second instead of Arte, LOL. I’m getting too used to that being my alias…

Arte 5

The speech bubble said “so annoying I could die”.

Arte 6

The video’s gone all pixelated…at least, the subs have…

I bet she’s going to fall over…Update: Nup, she didn’t.

Arte 7

I thought Yuri was a Russian name…or a Japanese one.

This is basically Oushitsu Kyoushi Heine all over again! (LOL)

I thought Yuri would be pushy…like, “Here’s an offer you can’t refuse.” That kind of thing. Likewise, I didn’t think Arte would refuse.

Leo? *dun-dun-DUN!*

Siena is apparently in Tuscany. Also, I did see the Silent Manga Audition page had a chapter on a pregnant woman, so this is ch. 17 or thereabouts.

Is Ruthanna not getting the money because she’s pregnant…?

Epidemic? The Black Death?...Speaking of which, Arte is very much of that ganbaru spirit. By being progressive for her time, she becomes ordinary in our time.

Ohhhhhhh! It’s a reverse harem in progress here!...This would be a good otome game, come to think of it. It’s framed the same way.

Leo can be surprisingly childish at times, don’t you think?

Arte 8

…Really? She fell overboard? *raises eyebrow*

Ooh, china (with and without capitalisation).

Is this another sarcastic child…? Oh, bother. Still, I can see why Hamefura crossed over with Arte now…Katarina vs. Catarina!

Arte 9

Bigoli is a type of pasta, as can be guessed from context.

The kanji for the episode title literally translate to “bad child”! Like the Tones and I song, LOL!

Mikata (ally).

Arte 10

This episode is giving off a Katarina x Gimo ship vibe…but with how young they are, I’m not sure I should ship it. They’re 6, aren’t they…?

Oh, you can see Katarina and Sofia’s hug in one of the ED frames.

Arte 11

Arte’s let her hair grow out…

An Italian man…bowed. In Renaissance Italy. Now I understand what all the ANN complaints are for.

What’s up with that kid’s face…? *grumbles*

Leo’s just being Leo, I see.

That’s right, Angelo and Leo never met.

Instead of a father or a brother overly cherishing his daughter, it’s the uncle…I never thought I’d see the day I saw something like that.

Arte 12 (FINAL)

Is this like Orientalism, but with gender…? (What would you call that?)

Lemme guess…Leo is working on the church mural and so he’s away?

Was that Leo, in the middle of the mural somewhere…?

Another Japanese bow in this anime, which is set in Italy.

But where is Arte herself in that mural?

Fine = end.

Fruits Basket 31

The word Momiji is using is “hisso” or something like that. Hissho is secretary, so the translator made it “secret getaway” to make it work.

That hat! *laser stare*

*one of the textbooks has “high school chemistry” on it* Tohru can do chemistry?! I suck at chemistry!

The episode title is translated as “Are you really this stupid?” It seems the real line for that was “Are you an idiot?”

Something about high school girls appeared in my head when Haru mentioned Shigure wanting to see Tohru in her tight swimsuit…*mumbles grumpily about pervs*

Kyo’s not wet, even though he got in the water! Amazing!

I think it’s sad that Tohru responds to “stupid girl” like it’s her own name.

“…that makes you suspect me?” seems better.

The Akito and Shigure age gap is somewhere between 6 and 8 years, IIRC.

Fruits Basket 32

Tohru switched from okaasan (mother) to okattekita (a formal past tense verb meaning either “bought”, “lent” or “won” based on the characters…which I don’t have a reference for). I assume because it was so off the mark, the subbers chose a similarly off the mark word.

“When I was a kid, I thought watermelons would sprout in my stomach if I ate the seeds.”

We only know about Kyo’s dad so far…hmm…what about the mother? Update: (TW: suicide) I think it was at this point we already knew that Kyo’s mother didn’t love him and committed suicide, but it’s not certain until later.

Why do doctors always use scalpels and syringes as weapons…? I mean, even Jakurai’s symbol in ARB is a syringe!

I’ve been wondering…how big is the Sohma family? Is it diluted enough that Haru and Rin can love each other without genetic problems for their child/ren? (From Another, I would say the answer is “yes”, but shoujo normally doesn’t care about this sort of thing, which is why I ask in the first place.)

Shigure seems like the type to say, “U mad, bro?”

The mansion looks like the one in Haruhi Suzumiya, if I remember the appearance of that one correctly.